#my friend once asked “what even is the christian god?” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baptismbaby · 8 months

Text

† GOD, FORGIVE ME

mean!ellie williams x innocent!reader a/n: i also posted this on my ao3: baptismsbaby warnings: reader is an extremely innocent christian girl, blaspheming, corruption, drug dealer!ellie, petnames (pup is used in case anyone doesn't like that), fingering (r! receiving), belittling, toxic!ellie, oral (r!receiving), virgin!reader

creds to elliesgalaxy on pinterest for the picture of ellie.

wc: 5.2k<3 part two here

You breathed a sigh of relief as you entered the gates of Jackson on your horse. You had just finished up patrol and was ready to collapse in your bed. You looked over at Dina and smiled. “Man, I’m happy to be home.”

“Me too,” Dina agreed with a laugh. “Things got too intense out there.”

“Yeah, luckily I was there to save your life.”

Dina scoffed. “Oh, shut up. I had it but of course, you had to show off.”

You hopped off your horse and led it to the stables, passing it off to the man on duty. “Here she is,” you said. “Get your rest, Ginger!”

Dina said goodbye to Japan, running to catch up with you. “Hey, I forgot to mention but Jesse said he wanted to throw a party tonight. It’ll be small, not too many people at all.”

You raised an eyebrow. “A party? Really?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun! Jesse and his friends got some liquor and cups from Seth. Perfect timing too since everyone has the weekend off.”

“Dina,” you began. But before you could continue, Dina cut you off.

“I’m not saying you have to drink with us! I know you’re a good little Christian girl,” she joked.

You frowned. “Hey, that’s not nice.”

“Please come,” she begged. “It wouldn’t be fun without you.”

“What exactly do I bring to the table? It’s not like I can do anything,” you said.

Dina stepped in front of you and placed her hands on your arms to stop you. “Listen, just please come and stay for at least half an hour. If you want to leave, you can. I won’t stop you or try to convince you to stay. I wanna have a good time with my friends and you’re one of my favorites. Please don’t let me suffer with all of Jesse’s friends. They’re… too male, almost.”

You sighed in defeat. “Ugh, fine! I’ll go if you really want me to.”

Dina clapped her hands in excitement. “Good! Come, I have some clothes you can borrow that’ll look real nice on you.”

You groaned as Dina pulled you by your hand, taking you to her place. She couldn’t contain how happy she felt. You never came to parties with her. They were rare and usually happened once every couple of months. Usually, you wouldn’t give in to Dina’s begging. You would just go home, curl up with a book and fall asleep before the party even began. Dina would come over the next day to tell you all the “sinful” things that went on. You didn’t understand what half of the things she said even meant, you were far too sheltered growing up and focused on reading the Bible most of the time.

“Who’s all gonna be there?” you asked as you walked inside her house.

“Well, I know Jesse’s whole group of friends are coming. Then there’s you, me, and…” she trailed off, looking away. You tilted your head to try and catch her attention. She fought hard not to look your way but you still kept trying to make eye contact until she finally looked at you. “Ellie,” she almost whispered. You sneered at the mention of the Williams girl.

“Ugh, I should’ve known,” you murmured. “Of course Ellie would be there.”

“Seriously, why do you two bicker so much?” Dina asked. “It’s like watching two kids fight over a toy. Or… really, more so like watching someone yell at a puppy for no reason.”

Your face fell. “Oh no… am I the puppy Dina? Please, don’t say I’m the puppy.”

Dina bit her lip and shrugged. “I mean… your comebacks are… something else.”

“What? Are you saying I can’t be mean?”

Dina couldn’t hide the smile growing on her face as she tried not to laugh. “You once said ‘bless your heart’ and that you’d pray for her.”

You scoffed as she broke into fits of laughter. “Hey, ‘bless your heart’ is the worst insult to receive where I come from! Sorry I felt bad afterwards and told her I’d pray for her!”

“Oh, I’m just messing. It’ll be alright. I’ll tell Ellie to cool it. I honestly don’t think she means anything by it. You’re just easy to tease,” Dina said as she made way to her closet. She pulled out a black longsleeve and extremely short shorts. “Here, wear this.”

You made a face at the outfit. “Is that not a bit… much?”

“Loosen up a bit! I think it’ll look real nice on your figure. Make the girlies pop out a little,” she said with a wink.

You undressed and put the outfit Dina gave you on. She was right but left out the fact that the shorts revealed too much, your ass practically hanging out. The shirt fell just above your belly button. Dina gawked at the sight of you. “Hey, you should dress slutty more often.”

You couldn’t help but to admire yourself in the mirror. You were big on dressing as modest and comfortable as possible. You didn’t realize you had curves until now. “Wow… I think I kinda like this?”

“What can I say, I’m a genius,” bragged Dina.

You and Dina arrived at the party an hour later. Jesse opened the door and stopped in his tracks. Dina grinned. “I know right?”

Jesse looked you up and down then back at Dina. “Wow, I’m impressed,” he said, complimenting the both of you. “Come in.”

As you walked in, everyone stopped and stared. “Holy shit, you clean up nice!” one of the boys exclaimed. You shifted and looked down at the ground, too anxious to look at anyone. You were way out of your comfort zone but a part of you sort of enjoyed it. Your eyes wandered over to the couch where Ellie sat. She was rolling a joint, paying no mind to you.

Dina walked over to her and leaned to whisper something in her ear. You stood there, watching Ellie’s face twist in disgust. You tried reading her lips, it looked like she said your name followed by the word “sensitive.” Dina smacked Ellie’s shoulder. Ellie began searching around the room until her eyes landed on you. Her eyebrows went up before turning to Dina. You couldn’t see her lips anymore but saw a smirk grow on Dina’s face.

Everyone took a shot and headed towards the couch. You followed, sitting on the ground next to Dina. You were kinda mad that to your right was Ellie, who now sat on the edge of the couch so the guys could sit next to her. She was so close that you could smell the soap she used. Ellie looked down at you, holding the joint out. Before you could decline, she passed it to the guy sitting next to her instead. “Shit, I forgot,” she said. “You’re too good to smoke.”

You glared at her smug face. “I don’t think I’m too good to smoke.”

“Well, you’re too good to drink.”

She reached over to grab an unopened bottle from the table. She grabbed two glasses and poured the liquor into each one. “I’m not too good to drink either!” you exclaimed, defending yourself.

Ellie chuckled. “Right,” she muttered. She went to grab the shot but you grabbed it first, downing it quickly. You coughed as it burned your throat.

“Woah,” Ellie blurted out sarcastically. “You took one shot, cool.”

You grabbed the other glass angrily and downed it too, slamming it back down on the table.

“Jesus!” said Dina, grabbing your shoulder. “Take it slow, you don’t wanna get sick.”

At this point, the joint had reached Dina. She passed it to you to pass over to Ellie but you took a hit instead. You inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out without coughing. You handed it to Ellie who had a playful smirk on her face. “Wow, I think I’m actually impressed.”

“Whatever,” you uttered, standing up to leave the circle. You went into the kitchen to take another shot. For some reason, you felt you had to prove to Ellie that you weren’t just a goody two shoes and that you could have fun. You knew that in order for the Jackson dealer to take you seriously, you would have to commit.

After a couple shots, you slightly stumbled back to the circle. Dina looked concerned until you giggled. “Oh, boy. This is great,” you slurred, your eyes heavy from the weed. Dina laughed and wrapped an arm around you. “Finally! I’ve been waiting for you to let loose!”

You looked up at Ellie, who was looking further down than your face with furrowed brows. She looked back up and quickly turned away. “Lightweight,” she said.

“Oh, shut it, Ellie,” you snapped. “Just for a second could you please just shut up!”

Ellie laughed. “Good Christian girl suddenly thinks she’s the shit all cause she took a hit off a blunt and a couple shots.”

Everyone groaned, tired of the constant arguing between the two. Every time they were in a room with them, Ellie would make fun of you until you couldn’t take anymore and left. They knew Ellie wasn’t fully serious, she liked picking on you because she thought it was hilarious that you couldn’t take a joke. But part of her started to despise you without her knowledge. Everyone loved you. You were sweet and would pray with anyone who wanted to pray. You would give back to the community and greet everyone who walked past you. Ellie thought it was all an act and grew tired of it.

You, on the other hand, never liked Ellie. She was a dealer who spent all of her free time smoking pot and sleeping around. You didn’t think that was any way to live. You hated the influence Ellie had on your friends. Everyone thought she was funny. You couldn’t understand why.

“Let’s play never have I ever!” Dina suggested, an attempt to break the silence and to lessen the tension that built up in the room. Everyone agreed and put all ten of their fingers up. You followed along, waiting for someone to start.

“Okay,” Dina started. “Loser has to go streaking.”

Everyone cheered. You frowned, unsure if you still wanted to play. “But!” said Dina, causing everyone to be quiet. “Usually, you’re out if you put all your fingers down. But… whoever is left with the most fingers up is the loser.”

You nudged Dina, giving her a look. “You know I’m gonna lose,” you whispered. Dina shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Just lie.”

“I’ll start,” said Jesse. “Never have I ever… made out with someone on patrol.”

Everyone put their fingers down except you.

“Never have I ever… had sex during patrol,” Dina said. Almost everyone put their finger down. They looked at you, waiting for you to say something. You decided to take Dina’s advice and start lying to avoid being the loser.

“Never have I ever snuck out.”

You put a finger down along with everyone else. Ellie scoffed. “Yeah sure,” she muttered. “Never have I ever had sex.”

You put a finger down, knowing that wasn’t true. Ellie kicked your knee lightly. “Wow, you’re getting some? Tell me, who?”

You looked over at Dina, your eyes wide as you tried to come up with a lie. Some girl who passed through Jackson? Some girl you met before Jackson? Your head started to hurt trying to come up with an excuse.

“Who?” Ellie asked again. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Girl,” Dina corrected. “She’s not attracted to men.”

You nodded, not really caring that Dina had outed you. You knew that you were surrounded by people who wouldn’t judge. Except for Ellie, even though she wasn’t straight herself.

Ellie looked genuinely shocked. “Really? Who’s the girl?”

You shrugged. “I’m not gonna name drop.”

“Because this girl isn’t real,” said Ellie. “Lying is a sin. You would know. You just don’t want to be the loser.”

“Hey, it’s not fair to lie,” one of Jesse’s friends complained. Suddenly, everyone started whining about how it was against the rules. Either you say who it was or admit that you’re lying. You felt heat rise to your cheeks in embarrassment. Ellie was grinning but it went away when she saw tears in your eyes.

“I’m teasing, man. Chill… don’t be a crybaby about it.”

“Fuck you, Ellie,” you spat out. A few people gasped, including Dina. She turned to Jesse, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt guilty for suggesting to play the game and for telling Ellie to be nice. Dina realized it just made her pick on you even more.

Ellie wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t mad but she wasn’t feeling good about the situation either.

“You’re a real piece of shit,” you continued. “Always throwing religion in my face, being mean, just… why? Why target me? I’ve always been nice to you even though I have never, ever liked you! So, fuck you, Ellie!” You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I knew better. I shouldn’t have come here when I found out you were gonna be here too. Just give it a rest, Ellie. Grow up!”

You stood up and brushed your shorts off. You faced your friends who all sat back quietly, avoiding your gaze. “Sorry for ruining your fun, guys.”

You stormed up the stairs and into one of the spare bedrooms. You collapsed on the bed, your head spinning. You felt awful for how you reacted but felt she deserved it. You were worried you ruined the party until you heard music along with everyone singing loudly.

You heard a knock on the door. You got up, cracking it open. You were expecting Dina but felt your stomach drop when you saw Ellie. You tried to shut the door but Ellie stopped it with her hand, shoving her way inside and slamming the door shut and locking it. “I’m not here to bitch at you, I want to talk to you.”

“You really want to make things worse?”

“You’re right. I am a piece of shit,” Ellie hissed. “I know I go too far teasing you but you take everything seriously!”

“You don’t know me, Ellie,” you mumbled, too afraid to speak up in case your voice cracked. “I won’t lie and say that I ever cared for you. I don’t like the way you choose to live your life but I still was kind to you. You never gave me a chance.”

“Because you act like you’re better than everyone!”

“How?” you shouted. “All I want is to make friends with everyone, spread a little peace and love in this shitty world! It’s comforting to me, Ellie! I don’t think I’m better than you or anybody. I enjoy making others happy and you enjoy making people miserable. Actually, just me. Because I have never seen you do this to others. You hate me and I wish you didn’t! I hear how Dina talks about you and I see how you laugh with your friends and I’m jealous. I know I could’ve liked you had you been friendly with me. Because I was angry at myself for judging you so quickly. It was wrong of me. But of course, I was right!”

You turned away from Ellie and sat down on the bed, your arms crossed over your chest. “I felt I had to prove that I’m cool,” you continued. “I thought you would stop for just one night if you saw how cool I can be.”

“You want the truth?” Ellie asked.

“You’re always truthful. So, I might as well say yes even if I don’t really give a shit.”

“I meant it when I said I was impressed earlier.”

You scoffed. “Sure.”

“I can’t even take two shots back to back like that.”

“Stop teasing, Ellie. I am convinced that being torn apart by infected is less stressful than dealing with you.”

“Just shut the fuck up and let me talk, okay? I’m leading into something.”

You flinched at her raised voice, slowly looking up to see her facial expression harden.

“I’m jealous of you,” she admitted. “I’m jealous that you can still believe in something and that you still care when everything is so fucked!”

You stood up, walking towards Ellie as she spoke. “I’d give anything, anything, to be that way. I had bitter feelings towards you. I think I wanted to tear you down so you wouldn’t be so… sweet. Giving, caring, everything I never could be.”

You watched her face closely, trying to figure out if she was telling the truth.

“I fuck girls like you and ignore them so they can hurt. Maybe I want the world to suffer with me,” said Ellie. “But I couldn’t do that to you. You’re too… good. I had to find another way.”

You paused as you connected what she said together. “Wait, you wanna…?” you trailed off, too shy to say it.

Ellie scratched her neck awkwardly. “Well, I did… but you’d never do that.”

“I might have,” you said, almost feeling ashamed of how bold you were being. You never would have thought this sober but Ellie was really pretty. If the circumstances were different, you knew that she would be your type.

Ellie was taken aback by your statement.

“What?” Ellie questioned.

“Not now, since I know you would’ve ignored me.”

Ellie stepped closer to you, eyeing your body up and down. She thought you looked good tonight and couldn’t help but to peek at your tits when you weren’t paying attention, or your ass when you were turned away.

“I… know I would’ve back then,” Ellie whispered, getting even closer to you. She stood above you, watching as your face turned red. Your heart sped up. You wondered why your panties started to feel a bit wet at the sight of Ellie looking down at you. You usually never got turned on. Ellie was right, you were just a good Christian girl who didn’t do anything. You never even tried touching yourself. Since you were breaking the rules now, you thought maybe you could break some more and pray for forgiveness later.

“I’m not so sure now,” Ellie continued, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “I never knew you were hiding that under all those baggy clothes.”

“A-Are you saying that in a bad way?”

Ellie shook her head. “When I first saw you earlier, I told Dina I kinda wanted to fuck you.”

Your breath hitched. “What did… Dina say?”

“That if I was nicer,” she said, stepping closer so there was almost no space left between your bodies. “I just might get to.”

Ellie caressed your cheek slowly. “Am I nice enough now, pretty girl?”

Your panties were soaked at this point. Your body trembled, afraid that you wouldn’t know what to do since it was your first time. Even though ten minutes ago you didn’t like the girl, you suddenly wanted nothing more than to be underneath her.

“I really… was lying earlier,” you mumbled.

“I know you were.”

“You don’t care that I’ve never… had sex before?”

Ellie smirked. “I’m glad you’ve never been fucked before. I want to be the one who corrupts you. I want everybody who fucks you after me to be a disappointment so you come crawling back. You’ll never find better than me, not even your own hand.”

Ellie leaned down, her lips brushing against yours. You pulled away to speak. “I don’t even do that…”

Ellie chuckled. “Really? Little church girl don’t know how to please herself?”

Usually, you would get mad at Ellie for saying stuff like that. Now, her insults just made you throb even more.

“Have you even kissed before?”

You bit your lip shyly and shrugged. “Not… really. When I was 13, a boy tried kissing me and I didn’t kiss back.”

“Aw, poor pup,” Ellie teased, running her fingers on the exposed skin of your tummy. “I get to teach you everything.”

Finally, Ellie collided her lips with yours. She was super gentle, placing her hand on your cheek and brushing it with her thumb. You melted in the kiss, pressing your thighs together to ease your aching cunt. The friction made it feel even better, causing you to release a soft moan into her mouth. Ellie pulled away, smirking at the noise you made. “I wanna hear more of that.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you admitted. “I don’t know if I can do anything to make you feel good.”

“You want me to fuck you, don’t you?”

You hesitated a bit before nodding. Of course you wanted that. You were just scared that you’d be bad at it since you had zero experience.

“Then let me fuck you. I get off to getting you off, understand?” asked Ellie.

“Y-Yes.”

“Good girl,” Ellie praised. “Lay down, baby.”

You obeyed and laid down onto the bed. You watched as Ellie slowly took your boots off and dropped them onto the ground. “Lift your hips up for me?”

You lifted your hips and let Ellie pull your shorts off. Ellie bit her lip at the sight of your white cotton panties. She could see how soaked they were. “Look at that,” she breathed. You closed your legs to hide yourself but Ellie pulled them back open, holding your thighs down so you couldn’t move. “Filthy little girl,” she cooed. “What would God say about this?”

Your breathing started to grow heavier. “I-I don’t care what He would say,” you whined.

Ellie held back a moan that threatened to escape her lips. She pulled your panties off and threw them behind her.

“Fuck,” she groaned. “Your pussy is so pretty.”

She tugged at your shirt until you got the hint to raise up. She lifted the fabric over your head and dropped it on the floor. You were completely naked while Ellie was fully dressed. She rolled her sleeves up, her eyes never leaving yours. She crawled on top of you and started making out with you passionately. Without pulling away, she started to unbutton her jeans and took them off swiftly. She shoved her knee against your dripping cunt, eliciting a squeal from you. She placed her hands on your hips and guided them up and down so you were grinding on her.

“Just like that, baby. Good girl.”

You started to moan louder, Ellie covering your mouth and shushing you. “As much as I want to make you scream, you don’t want anyone to hear and interrupt us, do you?”

You shook your head no. “Will you be quiet for me?”

“Yes,” you whimper.

Ellie pressed her knee harder on your pussy. You started to go faster, mewling and biting your lip to keep quiet.

“Such a good girl. You listen so well,” Ellie complimented. She took her knee away and brushed a finger up your slit. Your body jolted at the feeling. “You want me to taste you baby?”

“Please,” you almost cried out, desperate for whatever Ellie planned on doing to you. Ellie moaned at the sight of you squirming. She loved watching you unfold beneath her. To think she ever hated you was beyond her at this point. She wished she had done this sooner as she admired how beautiful you were.

“Say it,” Ellie demanded. “Use your words, pup.”

“E-Ellie, please” you begged. “F-Fuck me.”

Ellie tutted, shaking her head no. “I plan on fucking you anyway. I want you to beg me to eat you out.”

You were confused. You’ve heard Dina say that Jesse would ‘eat her out’ but you weren’t sure what it really meant. Ellie saw the confusion on your face and laughed. “Wow, you’re too innocent.”

You started to sit up but Ellie pushed you back down softly. “I know what you’re thinking. I didn’t mean it that way,” she apologized. “It’s okay that you don’t know what that means. I’ll show you baby. You want that?”

You nodded. “Yes, please show me.”

Ellie leaned down between your thighs and started peppering kisses all over them. You reached down to grip her hair as her lips got closer to your pussy. She flicked her tongue across your clit once and looked up at you. “Do you understand now, pup?”

“Mm, yes Ellie.”

She smirked. “You want me to continue?”

“Please?”

Ellie chuckled as she went back down to your dripping cunt, licking it all up and swallowing. She savored the taste of you, going back down for more. You grabbed the pillow beneath your head to put over your face in an attempt to muffle your moans.

Ellie stopped and yanked the pillow out of your hands. “They turned the music all the way up finally. You don’t have to be quiet anymore. I wanna hear how good I make you feel.”

Ellie pressed her tongue against your clit and went back and forth between a circular motion and flicking it. You nearly screamed from the pleasure, your hands grabbing Ellie’s hair to pull her closer. She moaned against you, speeding her tongue up. She brought a hand up to play with your nipple, squeezing and pulling on it. Ellie used her free hand to gently push one finger in. You yelped, yanking Ellie’s hair harder. She pulled away and licked her lips. “Too much baby?” she asked, out of breath. You shook your head no and pulled her back to keep going.

Ellie loved how tight you felt. The feeling of you gripping around her finger made her want to bend you over and fuck you with a strap. She wished the party was at her place so she could have used all the toys she had on you.

A feeling began to build up in your stomach as you trembled harder. “E-Ellie!” you moaned, bucking your hips upward as you got closer and closer to cumming.

“Come on, baby. That’s it. Be a good girl and cum for me.”

All of the sudden, your body began to convulse as your orgasm hit you hard. Ellie slowly fingered you, riding it out until you pulled away from her. She brought her finger up to your mouth, forcing it open and shoving it down your throat. You sucked on her finger with a moan.

“Such a good girl,” Ellie praised, elated with how quickly you catch on.

“Wow,” you mumbled, out of breath from all the noises you made. “Never in a million years did I think I’d lose my virginity to you.”

Ellie sent you a sly smile. “I never knew I’d take it.”

You raised up slightly, leaning against Ellie’s shoulder. “Are you still going to be mean to me?”

Ellie sighed. “No, baby. That’s all over now.”

“Good. Do I put my clothes on now?”

“Why do you have to ask for my permission?” Ellie questioned with a laugh.

You giggled. “Well, I like… asking you.”

“Well, then no. I think I want to fingerfuck you some more. Can you take that?”

You froze, looking up at her with a fucked out expression. You were exhausted but didn’t want your time with Ellie to end. “Mhm, I think so.”

Ellie leaned back a bit and grabbed you. “Come lay in my lap, baby. Ass up.”

You complied and laid down, arching your back in excitement. Ellie rubbed her hand over your ass, squeezing tightly as you moaned. “Tell me, did you pray for me?”

Before you could ask what she meant by that, she shoved two fingers into your dripping cunt. You yelped as she fucked you with them slow and hard. “That one time when you got mad at me for making fun of you, you said you’d pray for me. Did you?”

Ellie sped her movements up as she went deeper inside you.

“Fuck!” you yelled out, trembling and kicking your feet at the feeling.

“Answer me, pup, or I’ll stop,” Ellie threatened.

“Yes!”

“Yes what, baby?”

“Yes! God, yes, I prayed for you!”

Ellie went even faster as you got closer to cumming again. “Atta girl, such a sweet pup. Praying for a sinner like me.”

“Ellie! Fuck! I-I prayed for you everyday!” you babbled, unable to speak without getting interrupted by your own sounds of pleasure.

“Yeah? Told God how bad you wanted me? Told Him all your dirty thoughts, you filthy slut?”

You moaned louder, bucking your hips up towards Ellie . “Yes!”

“You’re gonna ask for forgiveness, aren’t you? Like the good Christian girl you are.”

“Mm, yes, Ellie,” you whined, your orgasm about to take over you.

“Then ask, baby, ask.”

“God, forgive me please,” you said in between moans as you finally came undone for her. The force of you cumming shook your entire body and made your eyes roll to the back of your head. You couldn’t help but to repeat Ellie’s name until you started to come down, your body almost collapsing onto her lap.

“Good girl.”

Ellie helped you up onto your feet, your legs shaking. “Let me help you get dressed,” she offered.

As Ellie helped you into your clothes, you couldn’t help but feel awful. “Ellie? Did I… make God mad at me?”

Ellie stopped, placing her hands on your shoulders and staring deep into your eyes. “Who could be mad at an angel like you?”

You blushed, removing yourself from her grip and tugging your shirt over your head. You put your shoes on next and sighed, looking up at Ellie with a tired smile. “Do we say anything?”

Ellie shook her head no, quickly fixing your hair so it wasn’t obvious what happened. “Just say we talked and you forgave me. I had one hell of an apology,” she uttered with a goofy grin. You laughed softly.

“So, you’re not gonna ignore me, right?”

Ellie wrapped her arms around you for a second before stepping back, eyeing you up and down while heading towards the door. Your heart stung, wondering if maybe Ellie didn’t mean what she said before.

“Come by tomorrow night,” said Ellie as she turned the knob. “I’ll fuck you so good that you won’t question me again.”

Ellie left you standing there, your mouth open in shock. You waited a couple minutes before heading downstairs to the party.

“Hey,” you heard Dina call out to you. She grabbed your hand and looked at you with concern. “I shouldn’t have said anything to Ellie. It just made her worse. I begged her not to talk to you but-”

“Dina,” you interrupted. “She explained herself and I explained myself. We’re all good.”

Dina looked surprised. “What? Really? You forgave her?”

You looked behind Dina to see Ellie back on the couch, staring at you with a grin as she puffed on her joint. You smiled at Dina and nodded. “Of course I forgave her. Her apology was genuine and…”

“What did she say?” Dina pressed on.

You shrugged. “I can’t remember everything she said but it was one hell of an apology.”

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #smut #tlou2 #ellie williams tlou2 #mean!ellie #drug dealer!ellie #ellie x fem reader

2K notes · View notes

fangirl-dot-com · 4 months

Text

Chapter 20 - Backstreet's Back - All Right!

Why this sat in the drafts for so long, I do not know so I apologize to everyone! I've been super busy with college and haven't had time to write much...but here we are

Today was an ABSOLUTE fever dream and we all need a little somethin somethin. So I present to you - the backstreet boys (formula 1 edition)

RACES SKIPPED ARE CANADA AND SPAIN (side note - Arthur hasn't been able to be at a race since Monaco)

Haven't been able to say this in a while but I hope you enjoy! Remember that comments, questions, concerns, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated!! Love you all :D

TAG LIST IS CLOSED

You had gotten to the paddock super early once again. But that was only because Lando and Oscar has asked you to hang out, and you’d never skip out on some good times with your papaya friends. Andrea loved you and often let you sit in his office if you were bored. Actually, all of the team principals seemed to do that.

Even Toto, which was weird considering you stole on of his driver’s car with his other driver.

Like always, you found yourself killing some time by playing Subway Surfers. You were about to get a new high score when two shadows covered your screen, making your character get arrested.

“Hey, you made me lose my score!”

You were about to tear them a new one, but your face had a shocked look once you finally pointed your head up.

“What the f-!”

“Has anyone seen the kid?” was a question that Max did not imagine that he’d hear first thing in the morning when he arrived on Sunday.

His eyes glanced to the corner that you were almost always in, listening to music. But, the corner was void of any rookie teammate. He looked toward Christian, who asked the initial question.

“Have you checked her driver’s room?”

The Brit sighed, “We checked her room, your room, hospitality, and even the Ferrari garage, Williams garage, and McLaren garage. No one has seen her, yet the log says that she’s already here because she tapped in at the entrance.”

Well, Max was stumped. And he knew why Christian was wanting to see you. They were finally in the Red Bull Ring, the home race for the entire team. It was a big deal, and Christian didn’t want you to get overwhelmed. There was a lot on their shoulders. Charles had pole, but Max was right behind him. Charles was always strong in the Red Bull Ring, almost winning in 2019 and then winning in 2022. The Ferraris had done well the last two races, and you two needed to hold them off. Thankfully, you were right behind Max in P3, but Carlos was behind you in P4. A Ferrari sandwich if you will.

Everyone was kind of counting on the both of you for a Red Bull 1-2.

“Have you seen Vito or Mitch?”

“We’re right here.”

The Dutchman turned around to see your race engineer and manager, but you were nowhere to be found. He opened his mouth to say something but Vito held out a hand.

“Yes, we’ve already tried to call her and Arthur. Both phones went to voicemail.”

“Oh god.” Max shivered. If you weren’t picking up, and your boyfriend wasn’t picking up. Well, he didn’t want to imagine what you were up to. Just as he was about to suggest looking in the garages again, Lando popped his head in.

“Have any of you seen Bug? She was supposed to meet up with me and Oscar earlier and she never showed up!” the curly-haired Brit whined.

Now, that had Max even more worried. You never skipped hanging out with your favorite Brit (after Christian) or Aussie. Before he was about to start getting a search party together, Mitch suddenly made a weird face.

“Do any of you hear that?”

The five went silent to try to hear whatever Mitch had heard.

Lando’s face scrunched. “Sounds like the Backstreet Boys?”

The group quickly walked over to the opening and didn’t know whether to be relived or just upright confused.

Because there you were, holding a giant boombox (God only knows where you got that) with sunglasses on, with Arthur to your right and one Ollie Bearman to your left. The soundtrack was indeed Backstreet Boys, namely the 1997 hit song “Everybody.”

As Max learned at Vegas, you definitely knew how to make an entrance. By now, most of the drivers had walked out of their garages to see the commotion.

And much to Max’s surprise, Nico Rosberg, Mark Webber, and Jensen Button walked up to the three of you, giant smiles on their faces. The song had ended a bit ago, and you handed the now silent boombox back to the German. The Australian of the group gave both Ollie and Arthur pretty big hugs.

“Well, Oscar lost his grid dad,” Lando said, earning a hit from said Aussie.

“Hey! He was never my grid dad in the first place.”

The now group of six made their way to the giant group of drivers, including but not limited to: Max, Lando, Charles, Carlos, Logan, Lewis, George, and Oscar (in no particular order). Arthur’s hand was behind your back as you enthusiastically talked to the very tall British brunet dressed in Ferrari red.

“I cannot believe that you come here, apparently to see me, and say that you need to be in the Ferrari garage! Arthur’s even going to be in the Red Bull one!” they heard you whine as the group got closer.

Ollie rolled his eyes. “That’s only because he’s your boy-oof. You did NOT have to hit me.” He glared down at you as he rubbed his side.

“Yes I did.” Your arms crossed as you finally stopped in front of the giant group, who were all staring at you. “Hey guys, what’s up?”

Lando mirrored your stance, even popping his hip out. “What’s up?” he jokingly mocking. “We were supposed to go to breakfast?” He pointed between him and Oscar.

A look of realization glossed over your face as you looked at the papaya drivers.

“Oooohhhh, yeah. Sorry. Uh, their fault?” You pointed at Ollie and Arthur, who both looked betrayed.

“Our fault?” Ollie squawked. “You were the one who dragged us to breakfast!”

“You had breakfast?”

“Yes Lando, I had breakfast.”

The younger Monegasque silenced you. “The big boys are talking. And then you dragged us to find Nico because you thought he had a boombox.”

“The big boys? Seriously Thur? I can take you any day.” You glared up at him.

“Oh yeah?” He cocked an eyebrow and smirked down at you, getting in your face to really show the height difference.

That’s it.

You suddenly jumped on him, bring him to the floor. The Max and Charles jumped into action, trying to get you separated. Ollie just watched with a giant grin on his face, laughing at the two of you.

“Ollie, kindly shut up?”

“Yes mom.”

The two of you were separated quickly, because you really didn’t have much malice toward your boyfriend.

“I totally won.”

“Kid, you lost horribly.”

“Max, has anyone ever told you that you don’t have to say everything that comes to your mind?”

Charles, Lewis, Lando, Oscar, Logan, and George all nodded in agreement while Max stared at them with wide eyes.

“You all agree?!”

“Can I have my drivers back please?!” Christian suddenly yelled, making everyone look at him.

“Please take her. She’s rabid.” Arthur pushed you forward, making you take a swing at him (that he was ready for and dodged rather easily).

You stuck your tongue out at him, before giving Ollie a hug and gently guiding him to Charles.

Your finger pointed at the red-clad driver. “Take care of my son please, even if you are the enemy. He likes his sandwiches without the crust and needs a nap with his blanket in 5 hours.”

“Gosse?”

“Aw you brought my blanket?”

Ollie’s face flushed red as he realized everyone’s eyes were on him. Charles just looked worried as though someone just handed him an actual child and told him “good luck.”

You turned to follow your team principal, who was muttering something about you giving him even more gray hairs every weekend. “By Ollie! Have fun!”

The parade went by smoothly. You laughed a lot when Nico brought the boombox to the interviews. He had a lot of questions for you and Max, since it was the team race today, which made your anxiety skyrocket just a bit.

You and Arthur were able to have just a few minutes of alone time back in your driver’s room.

Because this was a surprise race, Arthur didn’t have to work or be with his brother. So, he was all yours for the entirety of Sunday. However, your excitement didn’t last long as he told you that he had to go back to Switzerland for more testing right after.

You sighed as you pressed your head against his chest, his arms around you. “If I had known that you’d be gone so much, I wouldn’t have called Seb and just have kept you as my WAG.”

Arthur sadly smiled down at you. “I know chéri, but I like testing. It gives me a purpose.”

Another sigh escaped your lips as you finally met his gaze. He cooed as he saw tears forming in your eyes.

“What is wrong mon fille jolie?”

You let a few tears escape, but they didn’t get very far as Arthur wiped them off as quickly as they fell.

“I just miss you and I miss home,” you confessed, hiding your face in his neck as you stepped closer. Arthur gently brought you over to the couch and readjusted you so that you were just lying on his front.

His hands gently ran through your hair. He knew you needed to be in the car soon, but he wouldn’t let you go without trying to console you.

You continued, “And I know that we just had summer break not too long ago, but it wasn’t enough.”

Arthur just listened, know you needed to spill to feel better.

“Everyone is counting on me to bring in a 1-2 since it’s the home race. But the last two races weren’t the best. I barely got any points.” You muttered the last part, “I’m never going to win a race by now.”

“Hey, none of that.” Arthur lifted your face so that you could look in his eyes. His were filled with determination. “Do you know how amazing you are? You podiumed at your first race and are fourth in the championship. As a rookie! You are incredible. Parfois j’aimerais que tu te voies comme je te vois.” (translation: Sometimes I wish you saw yourself as I see you.)

You huffed. “I still can’t understand you, but I’m hoping that was a compliment.”

“It was.”

He moved his head down to place a gentle kiss on your lips. At the contact, a sigh expelled from your nose.

It felt so good to be so loved.

If someone was to write a poem, about how Arthur looked at you and how you looked at Arthur, their pens would be void of ink and the stars would be shadowed by their words.

The two of you were so lost in each other that a knock at the door scared you both and ended up with you on the floor.

Mitch poked her head in before shaking it slightly.

“I don’t even want to know what you were up to, but Y/n needs to get in the car.”

You quickly stood, with Arthur’s help, and grabbed your helmet, making your way back into the garage. Like clockwork, the Monegasque took your headpiece and gently made sure that it was safely secure. And, with a kiss on the “forehead,” he sent you off. He could tell that you didn’t really want to get in the car. Which was understandable. It wasn’t very often that Arthur saw you not want to drive. But he knew that you were going to be amazing today.

Starting Grid:

Charles Leclerc

Max Verstappen

Y/n L/n

Carlos Sainz

Oscar Piastri

Pierre Gasly

Daniel Ricciardo

Lewis Hamilton

Yuki Tsunoda

Alex Albon

Lando Norris

Logan Sargeant

Valtteri Bottas

Fernando Alonso

George Russell

Lance Stroll

Zhou Guanyu

Kevin Magnussen

Esteban Ocon

Nico Hulkenberg

You rolled your tires as you waited for the lights to go out. They were tense, but that helped you be ready to press the accelerator. If you weren’t tense, you knew there’d be something wrong. If you felt high-strung outside of the car, inside was 10 times worse.

All the pressure, all the doubts, all the hopes and dreams – were on your shoulders.

And you weren’t going to let them down.

“And it’s lights out and away we go for the 2024 Austrian Grand Prix! Charles Leclerc has a strong start in the initial few seconds, but Max Verstappen seems to be on a mission to turn this into a win. Verstappen gets down the inside and pushes Leclerc a bit wide to gain a position on the pole sitter. We both know that he will probably start to bolt in just a few corners.

“His rookie teammate Y/n L/n seems to also have the upper hand against the other Ferrari of Carlos Sainz as she seems to do what she does best – go around the outside on that initial turn 1 and somehow make it out in front.

“Now the track is a bit rainy, and we saw what happened the last time that happened, so we’ll keep an eye on our Red Bull number 2.”

You felt water droplets fall into your visor as you were picking up speed on the Ferrari in front of you. You knew that this “dirty air” would be much worse than regular, since it was contaminated with water as well.

You pressed your radio button when it seemed almost impossible to catch up to the red car. The rain had also stopped so your intermediates were getting dangerous to drive with.

“Mitch what is the plan because I cannot catch up to Leclerc in these conditions.”

“Do you think you can go the rest of the way in mediums?”

You thought for a moment. You couldn’t go the rest of the way on softs, as they would degrade too quickly. And hards took forever to warm up.

“Yeah. I can do that.”

“Then box ahead of Max. You’ll come out right behind him. So, he’ll give you a tow and then when he boxes, you’ll do the same. Max has priority.”

“Copy.”

You quickly pitted the next lap. The Red Bull team seemed to be on fire as you were in and out in a few seconds. You didn’t know, but they somehow set the record for a new pit stop – 1.789 seconds.

The crowd got excited as you suddenly appeared behind Max and in front of the number sixteen car.

With Max in front of you, the tow was very helpful as you started to build bigger gap. You guessed that Ferrari must have messed up Charles’s pit stop as Lando’s papaya car was now behind you, instead of Charles.

You felt bad, but that’s on his team.

However, Lando was on much fresher tyres that you were, and he was gaining in the last ten laps of the race. You really tried to not let him overtake, but he did…with five laps to go.

Mitch suddenly came over the radio. “Don’t push it like last time. We don’t need another Suzuka. Third place will be just fine.”

But you weren’t having any of that. You never responded and just kept at the pace you were going, trying to get the maximum out of the car.

You hadn’t noticed, but everyone else in the garages could see that you were surprisingly gaining on Lando. Ollie watched as you were making qualifying times per lap. The crew was holding on to each other, cheering you on. With each tenth gained, the noise grew louder.

You saw the last lap flag, and you knew you had to keep your elbows out.

“And we are coming up on the last lap and L/n has somehow made it back into Norris’s DRS. She tried to get around the outside on the first turn, but is not successful. Yet, she’s keeping herself well in the DRS and doesn’t make try to make a move on the straights.

“Here comes the last real corner of the circuit and only a small straight for an overtake.

“SHE’S GOING FOR IT!

“IT’S A PHOTO FINISH…DO WE HAVE RESULTS?”

You slowed down your car as you drove around for the cool down lap. Your finger was jamming the radio button.

“Do we have it!?”

Arthur was biting his fingernails as everyone in the garage was waiting for the results. The mechanics were happy with another P1 finish from Max, but they were on baited breath to see if you had almost done the impossible and finished in a 1-2 sequence. A steward walked over to the pit wall and gave Christian the paper with the results.

A giant smile crossed his face as he was the one to give you the news.

“Congrats kid. It’s a 1-2 finish.”

Race Results

Max Verstappen – 25 points

Y/n L/n – 18 points

Lando Norris – 15 points

Charles Leclerc – 12 points

Carlos Sainz – 11 points

Pierre Gasly + fastest lap – 9 points

Oscar Piastri – 6 points

Lewis Hamilton – 4 points

Yuki Tsunoda – 2 points

Alex Albon – 1 point

Logan Sargeant

George Russell

Lance Stroll

Fernando Alonso

Nico Hulkenberg

Valtteri Bottas

Esteban Ocon

Kevin Magnussen

Zhou Guanyu

Daniel Ricciardo

Champions Standings

Max Verstappen – 244 points

Charles Leclerc – 201 points

Y/n L/n – 124 points

Lando Norris – 115 points

Carlos Sainz – 91 points

Lewis Hamilton – 70 points

Oscar Piastri – 68 points

Alex Albon – 39 points

George Russell – 36 points

Fernando Alonso – 35 points

Logan Sargeant – 29 points

Daniel Ricciardo – 23 points

Lance Stroll – 15 points

Pierre Gasly – 12 points

Yuki Tsunoda – 8 points

Nico Hulkenberg

Kevin Magnussen

Zhou Guanyu

Valtteri Bottas

Esteban Ocon

Constructors Standings

Red Bull – 383 points

Ferrari – 292 points

McLaren – 194 points

Mercedes – 106 points

Aston Martin – 50 points

Williams – 41 points

Alpha Tauri – 31 points

Alpine – 12 points

Alpha Romeo

Haas

“OH YEAH BABY. LET’S GO!” you yelled over your radio. The crew in the garage stood up from their seats and began to hug each other.

“Oh man, that was, wow! Can’t believe that. Great job everyone. Is this what winning feels like?” you asked as you took the cooldown lap, yet there was no answer. Everyone was too busy watching that final overtake and celebrating about it.

Arthur just watched your car take a lap on the screen. He softly whispered, “I knew you could do it.” The love in his eyes could have poured out if love was a physical thing.

Mitch came over the radio as you were beginning to pull in. “And congrats kid. You have surpassed Lewis Hamilton’s rookie point record.”

“LET’S GO! THAT'S THE SHIT!”

“You really need to stop hanging out with Max all the time. He’s teaching you bad words.”

You smirked under your helmet. “I’m a girl whose friends are dominantly male. Mitch you even curse over the radio.”

Max almost didn’t want to look at whatever car was in the second place spot. He knew you’d be devastated if you weren’t there. Last he knew, Lando was behind him with you on his tail. It was your helmet that caught his attention. His body turned to see you standing on your car in the P2 spot.

His heart dropped, but in a good way. He watched you jump off and jump into the arms of the crew. Head pats were definitely deserved as you tried to touch as much of the team as possible. He laughed when you purposefully hung off the banner, just to get closer to the crew who were a bit further back.

He watched you and Mitch hold out your arms (kind of like Lando and Carlos at the Singapore Grand Prix), mirror each other, and then hug it out. He swears he saw the older lady wipe away a few tears.

Next was Christian, who gave you a big hug as Max finally made his way to the wall of crew. It was his turn for hugs, high-fives, and helmet pats.

You had just gotten to Arthur, who held onto you a bit longer than everyone else.

Just for the two of you, he whispered, “If you didn’t have you helmet on, I’d kiss you right here in front of all these people.”

Your cheeks were bright red under the helmet.

Ollie, who had been able to escape from the prancing horse, had also come to congratulate you. His hug was a tag shorter than Arthur’s, but you knew he did it to make your previous hug not look as suspicious.

You had been on the podium time and time before, but this felt different. You don’t know if it was the adrenaline, the sun, or the happiness that ran through you veins that made the trophy a bit lighter or the bubbly a bit sweeter: maybe it was all three.

You were still hungry for a win, starving, but this was just the snack to tide you over.

Down below, Arthur and Ollie had somehow gotten a hand on the boombox once again. You could barely hear it on the podium, but you had a guess. Suddenly, the music screeched to a halt, making everyone confused. You watched as your two boys had a knowing smirk on their faces. The same smirk slowly crept on your face as well.

You turned to Max and Lando, who looked equally confused. You held your trophy to your lips, as though it were a microphone. You pointed at the two men, and lip-synced the words.

“BACKSTREET’S BACK - ALL RIGHT!”

redbullracing has posted

redbullracing 1-2 in the house! The Red Bull Ring was shining as our drivers carried home two new trophies! Congrats to y/n.89 for her first record as she surpasses Lewis Hamilton's rookie points with 124 points total!

liked by y/n.89, maxverstappen, lewishamilton, and 4,203,893 others

y/n.nation THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

y/n_on_top that fight for the win will go in the history books mark my words

landonorris please tell your drivers to slow down so the rest of us can have a chance

charles_leclerc I second this y/n.89 idk, you all just sound like misogynists here... maxverstappen1 what she said

lewishamilton I knew someone would have to beat it. congrats kid

y/n.89 thank you Lew! (someone should take notes ahem landonorris) landonorris sure bug, sure

redbullfan 1-2! 1-2! 1-2!

y/n.lover she is legit currently in p3 for the constructor's championship...what do they feed her?

y/n.89 the tears of my enemies (Charles cries a lot) charles_leclerc HEY redbullracing lots of energy drinks and protein!

arthurxy/n Arthur back in the rb garage - too bad ollie couldn't join them

y/n.89 has posted

y/n.89 my boys are BACK

liked by y/n.nation, boxbox_express, change_ur_f-car, and 85,395 others

y/n&co God I've seen what you've done for others

rookiefan I kinda feel bad for her boyfriend...but at the same time Arthur is more than happy to show her off (her bf needs to take notes!!)

olliebearman MOM ON PODIUM

y/n.89 did you have a nice nap? olliebearman yes until charles_leclerc forgot my blanket y/n.89 when I find you charles_leclerc arthur_leclerc Charles you better run charles_leclerc HE'S 18?? WHY DOES HE STILL NEED A BLANKET AND NAP y/n.89 you're 26???? why do you still need to call my teammate goodnight? lestappenlove and I OOP

prema_y/n anywayyyyy the second pic is hilarious

Arthur.nation thur is glowing, wonder if he has a gf??

arthurgirly4life I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

boxbox_express the trio no one knew we needed, but the trio that we deserve

arthur_leclerc has posted

arthur_leclerc a driver, a reserve driver, and an endurance driver walk into a bar...

liked by thurthur, ferrari_fanfest, porsche, and 102,284 others

arthur4porsche this makes no sense but it's hysterical??

y/n.89 ollie actually smacked his head on the bar

olliebearman YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TELL - DAD, MOM IS MAKING FUN OF ME AGAIN arthur_leclerc it was funny? olliebearman grandpa? charles_leclerc yes? olliebearman not you, you forgot my blanket. the better one maxverstappen1 take that Charles

arthur&crew if max and Charles are grandpa...does that make Christian great-grandpa??

christianhorner sadly yes y/n.89 SADLY?? YOU MADE HIM CRYYYY charles_leclerc w o w , could never at Ferrari y/n.89 Charlie, you cried yesterday

redbullracing maybe the driver should become our photographer?

olliebearman has posted

olliebearman why is it that when we're together, we're always eating??

liked by ferrari, y/n.89, logansargeant, and 83,294 others

olliebear WHAT ARE THESE PICTURES I'M DYING

arthur_leclerc blocked and reported for that last picture

olliebearman why? trying to look good for someone?? arthur_leclerc say goodbye to the blanket olliebearman too late, your brother lost it :( arthur.nation HELLO??

y/n.89 I look sexy

olliebearman your boyfriend sure thinks so :D y/n.89 what Arthur said, blocked and reported

prematrio what are these comments??

y/n&co shhhhh just let them

oscarpiastri guess the invites got lost in the mail??

landonorris same here... y/n.89 you weren't in prema? kimi.antonelli thanks for the food mom! olliebearman brother? maxverstappen1 here we go again

change_ur_f-car what a time to be alive

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19

755 notes · View notes

softtdaisy · 7 months

Text

DESCRIPTION I Winning is great. But is it worth it when you have nobody to celebrate it with?

PAIRING I Max Verstappen × female!reader

WORDS COUNT I 1,8k

A/N I You can ask Bee, this came to my mind because the song was playing in the restaurant and we were like oh my god I have to do something. I can offer tissues if you need them 🥹

“Max Verstappen, you are the champion of the world!”

The scream that escaped from Max’s lips were indescribable. It was a mix of happiness, relief and some kind of sadness that this was over. He had spent a whole year fighting for what he thought he deserved: finally being recognized as the best in his discipline.

And he finally did. Races after races, battles after battles, with celebration and disappointment. Here he was. Congratulated for what he did.

When Max left his car, he was immediately met by all the mechanics and people from the team that helped touch his dream. They were all there to hug him, to thank him for his win like it was only his and not their too. He kept laughing from being treated like a baby brother that they all loved and cheered for. He appreciated Christian’s one particularly. The one he saw more like a father than his own one.

“You did it Max.” he told Max with such a big smile that for once, in a long time, Max felt loved and appreciated by the people around him. He made others happy with his happiness. That’s all he ever dreamed of.

To not be a burden in other people's lives. Someone they would rather get rid of.

As much as he tried to not think about it, most of the time, and act like it didn’t matter if some of his friends couldn’t appreciate his career or life…Max had to be honest. It still hurt to watch people leave.

When he turned his head to the mechanic that was talking to him, he saw Charles with his team. He had just finished second, after a long and terrible battle for the championship. He fought great. Max took a step towards him to congratulate him too.

But then he saw Charles kissing his girlfriend. Naturally. Because it was part of his ritual. Celebrating with the team, kissing the person he loves and then going to the podium.

Max decided to ignore the heartache he felt at this vision.

Not that he was jealous. They were a happy couple and he didn’t fancy any of them. No.

But it was, again, just a reminder of how lonely Max was even in his greatest moment.

He wished he didn’t notice that moment. Because that’s all he kept thinking about.

When Charles finally was free. “Congratulations mate, it was a good fight!” the Monégasque said. And while Max answered, acting so confident and proud, all he saw was the lipstick stains on his cheek.

When he went to the podium to get his trophy, all Max was thinking was that he had nobody to lay his eyes on.

Oh how he wished you were there in the crowd, smiling and screaming your love to him. How proud you would be. How loved he would feel.

Max just had to hope the pictures didn’t portray the loneliness on his face.

He really thought that the party would help. Being with all the other drivers, surrendering by his family and his friends.

It worked, at first. Max really forgot about the pain in his heart when he was laughing with his friends or when he started to dance with Daniel, glad to the media and all kinds of social media were forbidden there. He probably could have kept it like that.

If he hadn’t seen you.

He wasn’t looking for you. And you weren’t even trying to be seen.

It just happened.

Even in his wildest dreams, Max couldn’t imagine you would be there. The fact you saw him win the championship was pleasing. But then again, you were like a ghost. Not really there. At least not for him.

He knew you came here with your sister, who happened to be another driver’s girlfriend. You didn’t go to many races after your breakup so Max didn’t know if he had to be surprised.

You wouldn’t miss the end of a championship that you followed all year long, especially from a sport you were a fan of.

But would you really come to see your ex-boyfriend win? The one that broke your heart so bad you lost any hope you had in love?

“Sorry,” Max apologized to whoever was talking to him -he couldn’t care less after seeing you around. And he started following you. It was stupid, he knew it. He had no right asking to see you after all he did.

But his heart was working faster and better than his brain. Before he could even stop himself or think about that, there he was. In front of you.

The FIA had rented a huge house that made everyone feel out of town. And the country. It was absolutely beautiful and massive. With a garden that would make formal gardens fans jealous.

You needed a moment out of this craziness. And the celebrations for Max.

You were far away from thinking the man you were trying to avoid had actually followed you.

“You’re here.” was all you heard. You could have jumped from the sudden voice in your back. You could have been scared of not being alone in such a vast place. You could have screamed from the surprise.

But you didn’t. Because no matter what happened between you, Max was still one of the few people you would trust blindly.

You didn’t turn around. You let him walk to you. It was always the same thing with him. If he felt the need to talk to you, Max wouldn’t stop easily. He would say what he had to say. Even when you didn’t want to listen to him. Proof are the numbers of vocals and messages he left you after your break up.

“I…I just assumed you wouldn’t.” He continued, indeed approaching you. You felt the movement of his hand above your shoulder but it never landed on your skin. Even him knew it was too much. “I thought you wouldn’t want to see me win.”

“It’s not like I could choose the outcome of the race.” you laughed. It might sound mean. And Max, being insecure about your feelings for him, probably understood that if you could, you would have made anybody else win. But it wasn’t right. That’s what you meant.

You finally turned around and faced him. “Congratulations Max. You deserved it.” was all you managed to say. Because seeing him in front of him was harder than you thought. He was the driver you saw on TV. The one so many people loved and supported.

He was Max. Your Max. The man you knew every little thing about. From the placement of every beauty mark on his skin, to the way he needed to see everything when you were making love. Expect for when the pleasure was too high and he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. You remember feeling proud anytime you managed to make him feel safe enough to enjoy it.

So you knew that when he looked down, it was shyness. Which was kind of funny, now that you think about it. A two years past-relationship and he still couldn’t believe you think he deserved this.

Or maybe he just felt embarrassed that you were still nice to him.

“Listen, I…” he started, still looking at his feet. Max was everything but shy. Everybody knew it. Well, he wasn’t in most situations. But when it came to his heart, he was still scared to open it. Because it never ended well in the past. You were the best proof of this. If he broke your heart, Max broke his own with his decision.

But you stopped him before he could start. “Don’t do that.” You said. And he recognized the broken tone in your voice. Which made him look up to you. “Please, don’t do that Max. Not now. I don’t deserve that.”

Confused, Max took another step to you. But you took a step back. Like you couldn’t be close. Too close. He didn’t have that right anymore. And when you put a hand in front of him, like you were stopping him from trying again, Max knew he had lost every chance already.

“Do you think it’s fair to me that you come back now that you got what you wanted?” You started, with a shaking voice. You even close your eyes for a second, finding the strength to let go of everything you kept inside. “ You left me, Max. You abandoned me! For your career. For…for this. You broke my heart so you could win the championship. And now that you have it, you want me back? That’s not how it works!”

He didn’t need you to tell him to know that it wasn’t right. To you. To him, either. How could he look at himself in the mirror knowing he treated you like some toy he could put in the closet for a year and get back now that he was done playing with his other game? That was not how he loved you.

If he looked silent and confused, Max was actually thinking fastly about a way to apologize and make you think about the possibility of just talking together again. But you didn’t give me the opportunity. You were faster.

Faster at breaking his heart.

“And I’ve got someone. It’s too late Max.”

You didn’t say it as loud as you thought you did. It was almost like you were sure you wanted him to know. But the way Max’s look changed, you knew he heard. And it had the exact effect you were scared of. It was a mix of being sad and feeling competitive. Which you hated.

There were too many moments where Max let his competitiveness take the advantage. Everything became a fight, a battle. From silly things like a diner competition to proving he was better than your ex or a guy that tried to flirt with you. Sometimes it was nice, most of the time it was just proof that Max would never change.

Until the day the competition was between you and his passion. A competition you didn’t even start.

You saw that light in his eyes, the one he always had when he wanted to prove he was better. He was the one. The one you couldn’t leave, right?

Funny how he was the one who left.

“Does he kiss like I used to kiss you?”

It was like a hit right in the heart. You even stopped breathing for a few seconds. You looked at Max with disbelief. You couldn’t believe he would say that. Suddenly you were back a year ago, when you thought he was your world.

And maybe that was it. Maybe what hurt the most was that he was right about it. Your boyfriend wasn’t him. No one could ever be Max. But you were not stupid enough to let yourself fall for those eyes again. Not after the awful last months you just had.

“He chose me. That’s enough.” you replied.

And you left. Just like Max left last year.

You let him alone.

And in a world where he should be celebrating his title, Max wondered if he was really a winner in the end without you.

#max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x you #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen angst #max verstappen story #max verstappen x female!reader #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #my writing

535 notes · View notes

vpgoldenrod · 7 months

Text

Aziraphale's Haunted Look: On Being Forcibly Outed and Exiled From The Garden

While we're all talking about Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss, I'm surprised by those who thought Aziraphale looked disgusted because that's not an emotion I'd seen in him at all. There's sadness, and confusion, and anger, but I couldn't remember seeing disgust. When I watched the scene again I realized there's something else going on that really struck a chord with me. It's an uncomfortably familiar look.

He feels exposed. And I know what it feels like to be exposed in such a violent and intimate way.

Stay with me, I promise this is relevant to my analysis.

I didn't know what being transgender meant when I was a kid. Being raised in a fundamentalist Christian house meant that I wasn't exposed to those ideas, so I lived my life feeling like something was always just kind of broken. It was like I was looking right through the problem at other things, trying to alleviate symptoms without understanding why they existed in the first place. I eventually met other trans people, who gently nudged me in the direction of my truth. I even became aware that I had experienced some minor dysphoria. Every time I came close to acknowledging the truth however, my eyes would once again begin to glaze over the problem. I always managed to subconsciously shove it back into a little box and move on with my life. It was like I accidentally “did a big miracle” and hid this truth from myself so well that I continually forgot it was there.

Til one day I had an encounter that changed everything.

We're friends now but oddly enough, it was only meant to be a fling. I won't go into too many details because it's not just my story, but it was a lovely time that culminated with us meeting and doing what adults do. The person I was with, a cis man, silently clocked me the minute we were face to face. For reasons I now understand, without warning and in the middle of our shared intimate experience, he decided to talk dirty to me as if I were a gay man.

No one had ever spoken to me like that before. It had never occurred to me to ask anyone to do that, or that anyone would want to. I was in an intimate space and filled with the typical emotions and endorphins one has during sex, but it was a fling. I had walls up. So for the first time in my life, in this incredibly vulnerable position, someone grabbed me by my lapels and forced me to face a deep truth about myself that I'd spent decades silently dancing around. It was a blunt, irrefutable truth and it hit like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. He saw me when I was very much not trying to be seen, and there's few things more terrifying than that.

Even now, years later, I have such a hard time putting into words the overwhelming emotions I felt that night. There were so many, and yet somehow I can see every single one of the emotions I felt in Aziraphale's face when Crowley lets him go. My heart breaks all over again seeing how exposed he felt. He can barely make eye contact until he stumbles onto the one emotion that gives him his agency back: anger.

Gabriel shows up to the bookshop completely naked. When a bewildered Aziraphale points it out Gabriel says, “Who told you I was naked?”

But that's not how the story goes.

God looks for Adam in the garden, but he hides from her. He eventually tells God, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid myself.”

Then God asks Adam, “Who told you you were naked?” And of course Adam knows he is naked because he ate the apple.

I've made jokes about Crowley being the apple that bit Aziraphale, but I forgot the bit that happens afterwards. He is aware of his own nakedness. He is exposed. To God, to Crowley, and to himself. As a result he is exiled from the safety of his Eden. Man, if this isn't the perfect analogy for being forcibly outed I don't know what is.

This show is so gay you guys.

#michael sheen deserves an emmy and also a hug #good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #do it again #neil gaiman #good omens analysis #amazon prime video #pay your actors #good omens spoilers #michael sheen #LGBT+

252 notes · View notes

imaginaryf1shots · 8 months

Text

My Girls (V) | Max Verstappen

Words count: 2K

Driver!oc X Max Verstappen

Platonic!Driver!oc X the grid

Summery: Cecilia Hansson daughter of a Swedish billionaire, a race car driver, with a dream of making it big in Formula 1. However she has a few secrets that may hurt her as women are disliked in the sport.

Series Warnings: google translated french, dutch, cursing, child abandment, absent father, drinking, car accidents, Jos Verstappen, misogyny, Christian horner (tell me if i missed anything)

Couldn't sleep so here we go...

This is a secondary blog so I won't be able to respond but I'm adding you all.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Previous || Next

Nosy friends and lunch

“What?” Cecilia answered the call request coming from discord, her friends have been spamming her with texts and facetime and she hasn’t accepted any calls or replied to any texts, thank you Charles Leclerc for being a snitch.

“Finally!” Lando was the first to speak, Cecilia didn’t even look at the phone, she continued getting ready, it’s still lockdown she wasn’t leaving to meet Max for once… he was coming over for the first time, they’ve been meeting regularly(at least three times a week) for the last couple of months. At times she’d go after Nathalie fell asleep, she hadn’t taken Nattie with her to Max’s since that day, but she had been talking to him on the phone, like she does with Charles and her other uncles. It was cute how her daughter would talk with Charles in almost all French and with Max in almost all English. Her daughter is growing up like her and her brother, but that’s besides the point.

“What do you guys need? I’m busy.”

“We can see, so who is coming over?” Hearing Pierre’s voice made her glance at the phone to see who was actually in the call, of course her friends from karting plus Lando.

“Oh my god! You all are so nosy, how did you find out anyway?” She asked knowing that she hasn’t said anything, not even to Charles.

“I may have talked to your mum.” Charles confessed with a proud smile.

“You should be scared Charlotte! That’s creepy behaviour!” Cecilia shouted through the phone knowing that his girlfriend is sitting next to him, she heard her laugh. “Why did I give you my mum’s number again.”

“Don’t try to change the subject Cecilia, when were you going to tell us?” Alex asked, he looked comfy, sitting back on his sofa with a smoothie or juice or something sipping from a straw. In fact they all looked like they were sitting for a gossip session.

“Tell you what? There’s nothing to tell.”

“Why are you putting makeup on then?” Pierre asked, itching for new gossip.

“It’s just the basic stuff.” Cecilia said, shrugging still continuing with her makeup.

“What did I miss?” George asked, joining the call, Cecilia wanted to pull her hair and block all her friends.

“Little miss secrets here, is getting ready for a date with Max.” Lando told his fellow brit.

“It’s not a date, he’s meeting my parents.” Cecilia said before she could think and sighed, they all howled with laughter.

“You’re already meeting the parents.” Charles said laughing, it was all in good fun, and things have been boring since covid started.

“You all met my parents before, each and everyone of you.” Cecilia said and pointed at them. “You know what, I’m blocking you all.”

With that she ended the call to finish getting ready in peace, they got on her nerves sometimes. She needs more females in her life.

“I just got here.” George groaned.

“You don’t think she’ll actually do it, do you?” Alex asked, suddenly concerned.

“I don’t think so.”

“Me neither.” Charles and Lando comforted the others, they just sat there for a while contemplating the duo, and how they thought things would turn out to be like. Charles knew your mother would tell him if he asked.

Cecilia finished getting ready and went to help her mum with the last of the food, Cecilia really wasn’t dressed up, she just had light makeup and a sundress, it was getting warmer now, and they were eating out on the terrace. Seeing her mum in a dress Nattie also wanted to change into a dress as well.

“Go help her, your dad and I will finish here.” her mum said and patted her back, Cecilia took Nattie to her room and made her choose the dress she wanted, midway she heard the doorbell ring, and she knew Max had arrived.

Max was greeted by your dad, he of course saw him before, but it was always from afar they never talked. “Nice to meet you sir.”

“You too, come in please.” Max was led inside he glanced around, this is the house you grew up and lived your whole life in, the penthouse is bigger than the apartment he lives in, for one he rents they own, this one is two stories with apparently a gym. But it felt lived in, from what Cecilia told him is that her dad’s family had generational wealth, but her mum came from a humble bringing, so yes they had the best things in life, but her mum made them know how lucky and privileged they were. As teens they had to work to earn their money, and learn to do things on their own, they never had a nanny or a chef, someone did come in to clean twice a week, so they did their chores, their mum really wanted them to grow up as normal as she could when your dad is a billionaire.

“I didn’t know what to bring.” Max said and handed her dad a couple of wine bottles, he had ordered online. Looking at her dad, he saw a lot of him in Cecilia and in turn Nathalie, all their colours are her dad, her lips and nose being the only thing he couldn’t place on him.

“You didn’t need to bring anything, but we’ll enjoy it I’m sure.” Cecilia’s dad led him inside to the living room, not the formal one for guests, the one they hosted their friends and family in, the walls were all mostly glass with doors leading to the big terrace. “Cecilia is changing Nattie, the girl took one look at her mum in a dress and suddenly she wants to wear one too.”

“Max! Hello.” Cecilia’s mum walked up with open arms greeting the man, Max had just sat down, stood up quickly just as he was pulled in a motherly hug, she kissed his cheeks like the french one on each side before she pulled back.

“Nice to meet your Mrs. Hansson.” Max greeted the smiley woman, and he knew where you took your lips and nose from, the perfect blend between your parents.

“Please call me Adeline.” She waved his formalities off. “I saw you grow up with Cecilia, sorry I look like a mess.”

“No, no you don’t… Do you need some help.” Max offered, he could smell the food already coming from the kitchen.

“Nonsense, sit down and talk with Börje, I’m almost done.” With that she gracefully left, sitting back down he faced Cecilia’s dad.

“Cecilia told us you’re quarenting alone.” Börje said and Max nodded, they talked a little about what he was doing since lockdown started, her dad shared how hard it was to run a business from home, especially since HQ was in sweden.

“Pappa, don’t bore him with your work.” Cecilia called to her dad as Nattie ran in the room to her grand-père before she saw Max and turned to run to him, Max caught the girl and pulled her up on the sofa beside him.

“He’s not bored.” Her dad said acting hurt by her words after rolling his eyes. “I’m not boring you Max am I?”

“No, not at all.” Shaking her head at him, MAx greeted her daughter, before he stood up and gave her a small hug.

“In that case, take care of my child while I help maman.” Cecilia said and turned to her dad. “Can you set the table?”

“Sure thing Älskling.” (Darling) Her dad said and the men moved out to the terrace, there was a cabinet there with a sink and everything for when they had BBQs out there, it was filled with plates and cutlery. Once again Nathalie wanted to help so Max had her placing the spoons and forks in their place. If your dad had doubts about Max before they’re starting to disappear now. He saw Max like the public saw him, only what he presented, and to be honest he doesn’t like Jos but seeing how he talked with Nattie, his instincts as a father were calm.

After they were done with the table, the men found themselves by the railing, Max was looking at the view, glancing at the girl who was swinging on the small playground set, her granddad had installed for her.

“Cecilia might kill me for saying this but, when she was pregnant she used to watch a lot of your races.” Börje told the driver he was amused thinking about it now, because if he thinks too deeply all he feels is rage and sadness, an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

“Did she?” Max asked and turned to copy Cecilia’s dad’s stance, they leaned back on the railing, this is news to him.

“Yeah, she’d say how she wanted to do that, she’d dream of getting in F1. Did you know that Ferrari were in talks with her in 2016 about maybe signing her and having her as a reserve driver.” Max looked surprised at the news, Cecilia got pregnant during negotiations and her lawyer(dad’s lawyers) got her out of the deal with smooth talks and ended things on a good note for future possibilities. “Right when she got pregnant, it took a lot for her to decide what to do. She was glowing when she held Nattie and told us she wanted to get back into racing.”

“She’s lucky she had you supporting her, not many parents would.” Max spoke the truth, wealthy or not, not many parents would have their adult children’s backs like that.

“She’s my girl, even if she’s an adult with a daughter of her own, that's my baby girl.” Börje said, before Max called for Nattie to be careful, right before Börje was about to, the girl took to swinging and then jumping. The set was on a type of foam mat but she could still hurt herself. “Cecilia has always been honest with us, and I can see that you care, not many men would get in a relationship with a woman who has a child, but like I told you, that’s my little girl and I don’t want to see her heartbroken.”

“She won’t I promise.” Max promised his eyes and tone telling the truth, Börje smiled and patted his back.

“Max, can you help Cecilia bring out the food?” Adeline asked coming out with the salad, when Börje moved to also help she gave him a look, happily married for 30 years now, made him understand her with only a look.

When Max walked in the kitchen he was met with Cecilia taking a baking dish out of the oven before she sat it on the counter. “Need help?”

“Huh, yeah. Mum made so much food you’d think she’s feeding an army.” Cecilia said and looked at all the food sitting in trays and serving dishes, the quantity wasn’t a lot but she made a lot of options. “We'll all be eating this for days to come.”

Max came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, she smiled and turned her head kissing his cheek. “Haven’t been able to say hi properly.”

“Sorry about that.” She turned in his arms and hugged him around the neck, his arms around her waist, they stood there for a moment before they pulled back, as much as Max wanted to kiss her lips, they’re at your parent’s house and they’re here, so out of respect for them he kissed her forehead before he pulled away and they started bringing the food out, on the last trip she got a bottle of chilled white wine and room temp red one(one of the ones Max brought) along with a wine looking glass that had juice for the little princess.

Max and Cecilia sat across from her parents with Nattie between her mum and her boyfriend to be(?). They didn’t want to label it, but they are kind of in a relationship. If you spend time with a man, occasionally kiss said man, talk to said man at all hours of the day and night, go to his house three times a week so you’d spend time together doesn’t that mean you’re dating? Please someone tell Cecilia to make a move already.

Max turned up his charm for the day, he had her parents laughing and engaging in all sorts of conversation, he complimented the cooking, the house, he even managed to talk business with her dad. All points for him in their book. Hearing Cecilia laugh with a man like she hasn’t in over four years made the points easy to give. With eyes that only parents had, they watched how when she laughed as she leaned towards him, her arm falling on his shoulder even with Nattie between them it all looked natural, a family in the making.

Ceciliahansson15

Comments disabled

Ceciliahansson15

liked by Carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, Pierregasly and 2,197,009 others

ceciliahansson15 A little wine never hurt anybody

view all 86,984 comments

username1 on my knees🧎‍♀️

username2 who got you those flowers 🤔

charles_leclerc 👀

georgerussell63 👀

ceciliahansson15 grow up!! 🙄😒

username3 what do you know???

username4 soft launch

alex_albon can I be invited the next time I'm in Monaco 👉👈

ceciliahansson15 literarly my mum invites half the grid over everytime! you chose not to come last year

alex_albon I WAS TIRED! I'M SORRY

ceciliahansson15 it's okay it was only a couple of us last year anyways 🤷‍♀️

username8 i wanna be invited 🥺

username5 is she soft launching? or is she just aesthetic🤔

username6 why not aesthetic and soft launching

username5 like the way you think 👍

username7 I lover her insta so much so pleasing to look at

Next->

Taglist:

@luciaexcorvus . @vellicora . @tpwkstiles . @belennasif . @eugene-emt-roe . @fanboyluvr . @fangirl125reader , @christianpulisic10 . @belennasif . @itsjustkhaos .

#f1 x reader #my girls #f1 imagine #max verstappen #f1 scenario #f1dr #max verstappen one shot #f1 x driver!reader #max verstappen imagine #f1 fanfic #max verstappen x oc

248 notes · View notes

artist-issues · 5 days

Note

every now and then I play with the exercise of "what if we're wrong" because sometimes I get bored and also as an actual exercise. I usually apply this to Christianity/religion, matters of the after life, or about other people.

So sometimes I poke at the big question, if Christianity isn't real, what does that mean? And I don't usually go the route of atheism or bad sci fi, just that the religion is proven to be fundamentally inaccurate to reality, so what does that mean?

Anyway it wasn't until I was reading a really good sci fi story, where this one dude explains to some aliens the concept of "Love your enemies, do good to those that hurt you" and of course the aliens are like what? (Because in the sci fi narrative the universe is functioning under a Dark Forest Theory) And the dude explains its from one of earth's greatest teachers. And the aliens are like, if the inhabitants of the universe could believe that, this universe would be a different place entirely.

And it was at that point where I realized bro... even if it's not accurate, practicing Christianity is still worth it, for a human being. Loving your enemies means loving them like humans. The Poor, the Meek, and those who mourn, those are promises and comforts that we shouldn't toss aside even if heaven isn't real.

I don't know, this is just a terribly simplistic because I'm not the best at putting my English thoughts into english out loud, but that crack gave me a touch of useful coping. I asked my dad, if aliens are proven to exist it doesn't automatically mean christians stop practicing and believing, right? And he said obviously not.

I don't know but have you ever engaged in such a question " what if we're wrong?" And if you ever have what answer had you arrived at?

EDIT: As @atwas-meme-ing correctly pointed out in the comments section of this post, who cares whether or not I’ve played this game: God answered the question through Paul in his letter to the Corinthians: “If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.” 1 Corinthians 5:19.

There’s no “good moral teaching” to be found in Christianity if Christ wasn’t God, or if God didn’t exist, or if eternity weren’t real. My rambling logic is below the cut.

I mean, I play that “game” all the time about other things, and sometimes I do it for work. I’ll take two established characters and a setting me and my friends have agreed on, and I’ll “run a scenario.”

But the thing is, once my brain picks out something that doesn’t make sense, or that wouldn’t be in-character for the characters to do, the whole scenario grinds to a halt and I have to start over. I can’t suspend my own disbelief once I notice that something doesn’t line up. Even if I really liked “where the scene was going” before I noticed that thing. Whatever I’m getting stuck on because of it’s out-of-character nature unravels the parts I like, too.

All that to say I can’t even run a scenario in my head where “what if all this isn’t true? What if it fundamentally doesn’t line up with reality?”

I can’t. Once or twice I have tried. But I hit snags immediately. I’ll go, “pretend all of this Christian religion really is just a centuries-old conspiracy humanity’s been patching up the holes in.”

But then that little simulation-checker in my brain goes, “then how do you explain people dying for it? That many martyrs aren’t likely to have allowed themselves to be tortured and murdered for something they knew was a conspiracy.”

And I go, “well, pretend they died because they didn’t know it was a conspiracy, they believed it.”

And the sim-checker goes, “but the original disciples of Jesus, ground-zero of the faith, were all martyred. Not just people who learned from them and came after them and could’ve been hoodwinked: the starting points, themselves. They would’ve had to know it was a conspiracy, if it was a conspiracy, and they still willingly died for it.”

Maybe I’ll pivot and go, “pretend there isn’t objective truth.”

And the sim-checker goes, “there isn’t truth…objectively?”

Maybe I’ll pivot again and try, “pretend that everyone really does just measure morality based on what they’re used to, what their individual society’s trained them to associate with pleasant feelings and reactions.”

And the sim-checker goes, “Okay, where did those societies get the training manual? Where did it come from? Why do so many different societies’ and people groups’ ‘association with pleasant feelings and reactions’ around the world have so many things in common?”

And the answers to all that leads me back to Christianity. Even if I go the longest way round I can think of.

And eventually I quit running those scenarios. Because guess what?

Where’d the ability to run scenarios come from?

How did I get that? How did you?

See, the thing is, we go, “what if all of this isn’t true?” But it’s right there in the question. “Where did you get that desire? The desire for “truth?”” Is it to keep yourself safe, like the natural animals have an instinct toward, or is it to keep yourself sane, because you need some sense in this life to make it through? Sure. Maybe. But why? What’s “sane?” What’s “safe?” Sanity presupposes order. Why do you, and all humans, naturally lean toward wanting things to be “the way they’re supposed to be?” Where’d that come from, that idea of “supposed to be?” And Safety presupposes good being found in avoiding pain and damage and fear. “Good?” Where’d you get that idea?”

The further you dig, even into your own psyche, the less you can run any scenario that has God absent entirely. And no wonder. He designed it.

One more thing.

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” - C.S. Lewis

I used to lean into the idea you’re saying here. “Even if it’s not true, I’m going to live like it is and believe it just in case. Besides, it makes me better, and makes the world better.” That’s not belief at all. That’s ends-justify-the-means thinking. The teachings that Jesus gave which “make the world a better place” are utterly worthless if they’re coming out of the mouth of a liar. Because why should anyone believe Him? Why should anyone “turn the other cheek,” or “do unto others?” Because it makes us “better?” Who gets to define “better?”

The answer, of course, is Jesus does. The One who taught those sayings. But only if He’s God. Only if He was telling the truth. If He wasn’t God, what right has He, to tell us to give away our possessions to others and let them abuse us and give our lives up? If He was a liar, all of those “good teachings” would be tainted and untrustworthy. Besides, like I just said, they’re all only able to be called “good” teachings if you accept that there is one objective, universal “good.” And we’re right back to “where did Good come from?”

All roads lead back there, to Him. But we humans like to do this thing with God where we pretend there could be any reality outside of Him. It sort of makes sense, how we got that way. After all, when was the last time you noticed oxygen? How often during the day do you consciously inhale and exhale? As often as it happens automatically? How often during the day do you notice oxygen touching your skin or moving your hair or drying your eyeballs? As often as those things happen automatically? No. But it’s ever-present. Without it, you couldn’t live, let alone notice anything. But oxygen has always been around and everything in our lives interacts with or can only exist WITH it. God is much more than that, but that’s as close as I can get to communicating: He’s so good, and He’s so constantly there, everything, all the time, that it’s easy for us to take Him for granted, forget Him entirely, then use our two-pound brain matter to say, “He might not exist.” You might as well say, “imagine a world with no matter.” 🙄 “Ohhhh kay. Then it wouldn’t be a world.”

#This was fun to talk about though #because even when you’re trying to pick apart truth for “fun” you just get…a closer look at how true truth is.#analysis #christianity #apologetics #theology #faith #Jesus Christ #Bible #c.s. Lewis

93 notes · View notes

pluckyredhead · 2 months

Note

Can you please say more about the Lanterns' politics?

I am so glad you asked me about this because I've been thinking about it since I reblogged that post but also I'm definitely about to get yelled at lol. ANYWAY THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG.

Tl;dr: John is the only one with a coherent political position or an up-to-date voter registration.

Hal:

So something interesting about Hal is that his stories are often very political but his character is not. With one extremely obvious exception, he rarely talks about politics; rather, he serves as a means through which to tell political stories, usually unintentionally.

What do I mean by that? Well, for example, in the Silver Age, his love interest would occasionally be possessed by a misandrist space jewel that would force her to attack him, but always lose because women are inherently inferior to men and prefer to be subjugated by them anyway. That's the original Star Sapphire concept. It's wildly misogynistic, but it doesn't mean Hal the character is misogynistic. But it's also a very political story, even if I don't think the writer was deliberately trying to make a point so much as...being an average, thoughtlessly sexist guy living in the 60s. (Carol continues to be the subject of mindbogglingly sexist writing and art well into the 2000s. Fucking comics.)

And so you have Hal Jordan, whose love life was ruined by his girlfriend getting promoted above him and who called his best friend by a racist nickname for decades; Hal Jordan, poster boy for chest-thumping post-9/11 kneejerk patriotism; Hal Jordan, lightning rod for a certain kind of regressive bigoted fanboyism. Choosing Hal as the Lantern for a particular story over John or Kyle has come to signify something very specific, but none of that is necessarily reflective of what Hal himself believes.

So what about Hal himself? Well, when we first meet him, he's the epitome of privilege: a white, straight, cis, Christian (I know he's canonically half-Jewish now but that's only as of the past decade or so), ablebodied, upper middle class (Geoff Johns retconned him to have a working class background, but in the Silver Age, he had one uncle who was a millionaire, another who was a judge, and a successful politician brother) man with a flashy job. Privilege tends to lean Republican; even if he is from California, I suspect Hal voted for Eisenhower in 1956.

In GL/GA, the word "Republican" isn't used to my recollection, but Hal is definitely presented as...I'm going to say conservative by I mean lower-case C. He doesn't have deeply held political beliefs, but he's traditional. He doesn't question the system, because he's never had to. He resists things that challenge the way he's always understood the world works, and that's very relatable - most people do! And he will absolutely argue with Ollie, who certainly isn't always right about everything. But he's also willing to listen, and have his mind changed, and certainly reachable via appeals to compassion and fairness.

Once the "relevance" trend of the late 60s-early 70s was over, Hal's stories default back to ostensibly politically neutral, although obviously nothing is actually politically neutral. In the late 80s and early 90s he's the most unpleasant version of himself, and that has political manifestations, like when he allows John to be imprisoned in apartheid South Africa for a ridiculous and unnecessary crime Hal himself committed. It's extremely fucked up, but again, it's less because of Hal's actual opinions and more because Christopher Priest wanted to write about apartheid, even if it does make Hal look incredibly, horrifically racist.

Then jump to the mid-2000s and Green Lantern: Rebirth, and you might imagine that losing his hometown, getting possessed by a giant space bug, becoming a supervillain, dying, and becoming the embodiment of God's vengeance might have some effect on Hal's politics, but that is not what Geoff Johns is here to write. Johns is writing a Hal who teleported in from, like, 1967 - no nuance allowed. He's a summer blockbuster that walks like a man. He's a Baja Blast. He's never had a coherent political thought in his life. In his defense, he has had more and goofier concussions than any superhero I can think of and his brain is smooth like an egg. Still.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I think Hal tends to default to center right positions but can be easily coaxed over to center left. That said, he has never not once in his life had his shit together enough to vote in a single election, not even for his own brother.

Guy:

So Guy's deal is a little bit complicated because his most vocally political era was also in part due to severe and personality-altering brain damage.

When Guy was originally introduced in the 1960s, he had the pleasantly bland personality of all superheroes. Many years later, he suffered a series of major injuries, torture, and a lengthy coma, and he emerged from the coma in 1985 with the aggressive, abrasive personality he's best known for today. Justice League International took that even further, using him to parody the jingoistic, red-blooded American action hero of the 80s.

This version of Guy is a vocal fan of Ronald Reagan and despises the USSR. He's pro-war, proudly xenophobic, and treats women badly enough that it crosses the line into repeated sexual harassment, both physical and verbal. (To be fair...ish, this last also applies to Wally West and arguably a number of other men, and was always played for laughs. It was gross all around.)

Again, this is partially a manifestation of his brain damage. There's also a running gag in JLI where if he gets hit on the head, his personality changes to this cloying, timid, gentle one, sort of halfway between a child and a flamboyant gay stereotype. Hit him again and he goes back to Asshole Guy. I'm not going to pretend I don't find some of the gags funny, but it's obviously all highly problematic, and not just from a medical standpoint.

That said, I don't think we can dismiss Guy's politics or his usual personality as simply a manifestation of brain damage. We see in later flashbacks that he developed the abrasiveness as a defense mechanism from growing up in an abusive home, and as he matures through the 90s, he doesn't actually become a significantly different person, even after his Vuldarian healing factor kicks in and heals his brain. (It's a thing.) I think it's more accurate to say that the brain damage probably affected his impulse control, his filter, and arguably even his paranoia levels.

All of which is to say that as much as I would love to go "Guy's better now, so he's not a Republican!"...that dog won't hunt. I think a really good canon writer could make the case that Guy is pro-union-style working class and also a former teacher so he's at least center left, but as of now canon evidence is pretty firmly on the red side. It doesn't help that the GLC has been written as fetishistically pro-cop and pro-military since Johns got his grubby hands all over it. I will happily ignore the New 52 retcon that Guy was a cop, and you could even try to argue that he dislikes cops because his brother was a corrupt cop who became a supervillain, but I think it's much more likely that he identifies with cops as a Corps member. Although I don't think he would have any patience for killer cops. ("You were afraid for your life even though you were the only one with a weapon? Then fucking quit, coward.")

All of that said, I think Guy is similar to Hal: defaults to center right, can be talked into center left on certain issues but he's more stubborn about it. (They would also both be enraged by Jan 6 and disgusted by the current Republican party - I can't quite argue that Guy Gardner is a Democrat but Green Lanterns don't have any patience for traitors or cowards.) It's also kind of a moot point because he never knows what is happening on Earth and hasn't voted since his pre-coma days.

John:

Oh John Stewart, thank god for you.

John was introduced as an explicitly political character in an explicitly political story. The first time we see him, he's stepping in to defend Black men from a white cop, citing his own knowledge of the law to do so. He shows a much more perceptive and informed perspective on the issue's main plot (a racist senator running for president) than Hal does. Even in the little moment above, we see that he's sensitive to exactly what it means for him, a Black man, to be taking on this role.

None of this is a surprise, since we'll later learn that John's parents were civil rights activists. Not only would he not have had the privilege Hal and Guy did to assume his existence was politically neutral, he was explicitly educated about political realities and progressive advocacy from childhood. He's well-informed, he's passionate, and he's going to tell you when you are being fucking stupid.

John isn't immune from the GL cop/military...thing, although I can't blame Johns for that - it was the cartoon that made him a Marine, and the comics followed suit. But that's never outweighed his origin or his upbringing. Like, he's friends with the DCU's fictional version of Nelson Mandela.

This one is straightforward: John is a staunch progressive. He is, however, in outer space 90% of the time, so he's always at least a little bit out of date. I imagine every time he comes back to Earth he spends the first 24 hours watching the news in abject horror.

Kyle:

Kyle doesn't talk about politics a lot, but when he does, he lands pretty much where you'd expect a young California-born artist living in New York City to land: to the left. My read on Kyle is that he hasn't really thought any of his politics through, which makes sense - he's a character who is led by emotion over reason every time. He doesn't have John's carefully thought-through arguments or knowledge of the law behind him. I feel like when something political upsets him, he's more likely to splutter angrily than make a coherent argument (which: same). When he's given the time to think things through and speak from the heart, though, he can be very eloquent, like in his speech to Terry after Terry accidentally comes out to him.

It's also worth pointing out that his solo appearances were mostly in the 90s, which were prone to avoiding politics or only addressing them in a halfhearted both sides-y way like the story above.

That said, I don't think he ever actually does anything about his political opinions. He never votes in midterm or primary elections, and probably only voted in a presidential one because Alex dragged him along one time. I feel like Donna tried to do the same when they were dating and that was when Kyle realized he'd forgotten to change his voter registration from California to New York. Jennie wasn't responsible enough to Mom him into doing his civic duty, and he's been in space pretty much nonstop ever since, so...

Simon:

In that other post, I said Simon's experiences should have radicalized him, but instead he was created by Geoff Johns. Simon is a Muslim, Lebanese-American man who came of age in the post-9/11 era, and was wrongfully convicted of terrorism and waterboarded at Guantanamo Bay. His reaction to this was...to put on a ski mask and wave a gun around. Like, it's been a while since I've read these issues, but aside from the "ripped from the headlines!!!" of it all, I feel like Simon's experiences largely don't inform his actions or perspective except that he's super angry (fair enough).

The thing about Simon (and Jessica) is that he hasn't been around very long, and most comics don't have characters directly expressing political opinions. It's not a coincidence that these characters are in chronological order and each write-up is shorter than the last. I can think of about three times where Kyle has ever said anything I can interpret as political, and he's been around for 30 years. Simon only has a third of that history. So while one could certainly extrapolate what Simon's opinions are likely to be, I can't think of any canon where he actually says them.

Jessica:

Jessica has even less to go on in terms of explicitly political comics. You'd think she wouldn't like guns because of what happened to her friends, but she has one of her own and doesn't seem bothered by Simon's. I'd imagine she has opinions on immigration as someone whose family is from Mexico and Honduras, but it never comes up. If I were writing for DC, I'd make both Simon and Jess leftists, but as for actual canon proof? I got nothing.

I will say that she probably avoids political discussions because anxiety, and I bet she got really good at voting by mail during her years not leaving the house. She probably votes by mail from space. Maybe John's not the only one with an up-to-date voter registration.

Kilowog:

#green lantern #hal jordan #guy gardner #john stewart #kyle rayner #simon baz #jessica cruz #meta

105 notes · View notes

thoseboysinblue · 1 year

Text

Midnight

Christian Pulisic x reader

You and Christian find yourselves hosting a New Year’s Eve party for your closest friends.

Word count: 2500+

Requested: Yes

Warnings: Smut, fluff

New Year's Eve, the night Chelsea typically held their annual charity gala. It was an excellent excuse to get dressed up, spend an evening with friends and eventually end up at someone's house for an after party.

Early in December, Christian had surprised you by having his stylist bring over a selection of designer gowns for you to choose from, all of which complemented the suit he was planning to wear.

"I can't, Christian, it's too much" you'd protested.

"It's not, please let me spoil you like I want to, baby, consider it a Christmas gift" he grinned at you.

"Fine, but nothing else, got it?" you'd given into him, unable to deny him anything when he flashed that dimple at you along with those honey colored eyes.

"Sure, sure" he held his hands up feigning innocence even though he knew he had a stack of overly extravagant gifts for you already hidden.

The evening of the gala had arrived, you and Christian getting ready separately with the help of his stylist and a hair and makeup team he'd also surprised you with.

When you step into his foyer, the sound of your heels on the marble tile catching his attention, his stylist made one final adjustment to his suit before turning to smile at you and muttering a "I'll leave you two alone" patting him on the shoulder as she disappeared to begin packing up her things.

"You look, wow" was all he could manage to get out as his hands slid around your waist, pulling you in for a kiss.

"God only knows what you've paid for this make up, Chris, don't ruin it before we get out the door" you chuckled at him as he moved to kiss down your exposed neck and shoulders.

"I'll pay them double to fix it" he whispers along your collar bone as you tilt your head back letting out a faint moan.

As his kisses trail back up to your lips, you place one more, delicate kiss to his lips, resting your forehead against his and placing your hands over his chest, "What about you, Christian? You look.." your words cut off as you bite your lip taking a step back to look him up and down again.

He blushes slightly under your attentive gaze. "It's gonna be hard for me to keep my hands off of you all night," you whisper against his lips, kissing him softly again until you hear his stylist clear her throat behind you.

You both turn to face her, Christian wrapping a hand around your waist. "You've outdone yourself tonight," he smiles at her, pulling you into him a little closer and giving your hip a squeeze.

"Just as you asked" she hands him a red leather box, you instantly recognized it as matching the box to the Cartier bracelet and drop earrings he'd given you for Christmas which you were now wearing.

"Christian, I thought we'd discussed this" you look at him shaking your head. "No, it's too much," you once again protested but knew it was another battle you would lose.

"We did discuss it, but you know I'm not the best at listening sometimes" he winks at you.

"And what if I refuse?"

"You won't" he says, just above a whisper, turning you around to slip the dainty necklace around your neck.

"I might" you quip, your voice a bit shaky.

"You won't" he whispers again, placing a kiss to the nape of your neck once he was finished with the clasp.

He knows you aren't a big fan of extravagance, and that you really only wear jewelry on special occasions such as tonight, but he was determined to gift you with a few timeless and elegant pieces he knew you could wear with anything from jeans and a simple shirt to elegant gowns like tonight. And you knew, once he had his mind set on something, there was little use in arguing with him.

"You know I don't need all this from you?" you turn around, motioning with your hand down your body.

"I know, but you spoil me every single day, y/n, and I just want to do the same for you" he says with a shy smile.

"I appreciate it, I really do, but you know I don't expect these things from you, I just want you to be happy, Chris."

"And what if spoiling you makes me happy?" He slides his hands back around your waist pulling you into him.

"Then I guess, I'll have to get used to it," you smile, bumping your nose against his and placing a feather light kiss to his lips.

His stylist takes several photos of the two of you, adding any final touches you might need before you hop into the car Christian has arranged for the evening.

You enjoy the gala, happily sipping on glasses of wine as you and Sophia chat the night away, her complimenting the German that she, Kai, and Christian have been helping you to learn.

The two of you end up drunkenly bidding on a trip before announcing to the boys that they are not invited to join you.

Kai mutters something to Christian in German, "I heard that, and almost understood it" you quip.

"See, CP, I told you teaching her was a bad idea," they both laugh.

The entire evening, you and Christian haven't stopped touching one another. Nothing over the top, but a constant hand on each other's thigh, his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him, fingers intertwined, or a hand placed softly on the small of your back.

Your dress had a mostly open back, so anytime Christian's hand was around you he found himself softly drawing circles on your exposed skin with his thumb.

As the gala comes to an end, Mason leans across the table and whisper shouts, "so after party at yours right, CP?" to which Christian nods.

Thankfully this wasn't a shock to you and when you arrived back at yours and Christian's home, you began sitting out the snacks and drinks you'd prepared earlier in the day.

As you are pulling out chilled bottles of champagne for a midnight toast, you hear the rest of the group arrive. Unsurprisingly most of the Chelsea team have come, with and without dates, preparing to ring in the New Year together.

Mason immediately syncs his phone to the speakers that run through the entire house "to avoid having to listen to Christian's horrible taste in music" he winks at you, to which you only shake your head.

As the time approached midnight, the girls seemed to be getting tipsier and tipsier while the boys, in mid season, are being relatively tame. However, everyone had shed their jackets and ties by this point, Christian's tie tied lazily around your neck, Mason and a few others had theirs wrapped around their heads like ninjas.

You'd managed to pull Christian onto the makeshift dance floor in your living room more than a few times, neither of you able to keep your hands off of each other. He'd unbuttoned the top couple of buttons on his shirt, and rolled up his sleeves, exposing just enough skin to drive you mad.

As you were dancing, you slipped your finger between two of the buttons, using it to pull him closer to you as he dipped his head and groaned into your neck. "You are killing me, baby" he mumbles into your ear as you turn around to grind your ass against him, throwing one arm up and around his neck to pull him even closer to you.

"It's almost midnight, can't miss our New Year's kiss," you smile at him, turning back around to face him while still grinding your body against his and he drops one hand to grab at your ass, clearly no longer caring if anyone is watching the two of you.

As everyone starts counting down the last twenty seconds or so before midnight. You find yourselves completely lost in each other. Someone hands both of you glasses of champagne which you absentmindedly take, neither of you breaking your gaze.

At five, Christian mutters "fuck it" and presses his lips to yours, you giggle and return the kiss, gripping into the back of his hair and pulling him in to deepen the kiss. He moans into your mouth as he presses his semi hard bulge into you.

You pull away from him slightly as you hear everyone around you cheer, and mutter against his lips "Happy New Year, baby, I love you" pressing another kiss to them. "I love you too, y/n, so damn much" he smiles at you, giving you another loving kiss.

You look around the room at the people you are surrounded with, in awe of a life you never dreamed of living, with a man you knew was made especially for you.

You make your rounds toasting your champagne glasses with everyone and wishing them a Happy New Year before Christian whispers into your ear to meet him upstairs in 5 minutes. You nod to acknowledge what he's told you, without giving away the fact that it made your stomach flip and heat flood your core.

You notice when Christian slips upstairs, continuing to talk to a few of the others before you make sure you can also slip away, hopefully unnoticed, in search of him.

As you make your way up the stairs, you are met with a pair of hands that pull you quickly into your bedroom, pressing you against the door in one swift move as he locks it and attaches his lips to your neck.

"Been waiting all fucking night to do this" he moans against your neck as he feels your hand graze over his hardened length.

"I've got a surprise for you too," you whisper, "but if I show it to you, you have to promise to help me get this dress back on" you give him a wicked smile as you turn for him to pull down the zipper of your dress.

You turn back around, shoving him towards the bed as you let the gown fall to your feet. His eyes widen at the sight of you, stood in front of him in a black lace corset style backless lingerie set with black lace thong.

"Fuck me" he whispers as you edge your way towards him.

"That's my plan" you stare at him hungrily. "But we have to be quick, and quiet, we have guests you know"

He nods slowly as you move to straddle him. Both of you working in unison to finish unbuttoning his shirt and quickly working to rid him of his pants.

"The top has to stay on" you mutter, "I have no idea how your stylist got me into this thing and I'm certain it will take both of us to figure it out later" you giggle against his chest.

"Fine by me" he says with a wink. He flips both of you over, pressing you into the mattress as he quickly pulls your thong down your legs and tosses it to the side, doing the same with his boxers.

He leans down to kiss you feverishly as he uses one hand to line himself up with your entrance, running the tip of his cock through your already dripping folds.

"Didn't take much" he whispers to you as you shake your head.

"Just shut up and fuck me Christian" you mutter as you buck your hips up towards him, lacing your fingers into his hair.

"So needy" he groans as he pushes into you with one long and slow thrust.

You let out a moan as he begins to pick up the pace and catch a glimpse of his tattooed arm as he circles his hand lightly around your throat.

"Shhh, baby" he says as he buries his head into your neck in an attempt to muffle his own noises.

"Can you be quiet?" He asks as he loosens his hold on your neck when you nod.

You throw your own hand over your mouth as he slips his hand between your bodies to rub circles over your clit.

"You gonna cum for me?" he says as he feels you clench around him.

You nod furiously, afraid that anything you try to say will come out as a loud moan.

"Shit, me too" he pants, biting his lip to suppress a moan as your back arches off of the bed and you cum hard around him.

He throws a few more thrusts into you before pulling out and spilling himself all over your pussy and thighs.

"Jesus Christ" he sighs breathily as he collapses onto the bed beside you both of you trying to catch your breath. He then gets up and grabs a towel from the bathroom, slipping his boxers back on in the process.

"Why'd you pull out, you never do that" you question him.

"Couldn't exactly send you back downstairs with my cum dripping out of you could I?" he grins at you.

"Such a gentleman" you laugh as he finishes cleaning you up.

"Also, if I have to sit around and talk to people knowing my cum is running down your legs, I'll go fucking mad" he flashes you a much darker smile.

"There he is, the man of my dreams" you giggle again as you grab your thong and slip it back on, picking your dress up off the floor and stepping back into it and gliding it back over your frame.

Christian makes quick work of zipping you back up before you dip into the bathroom to check your hair and makeup to make sure it's not too messed up before you return to your guests.

When you walk back out of the bathroom he's dressed and standing by the door waiting for you. He's left an extra button undone and his hair is definitely a bit more disheveled. He holds his hand out to you pulling you into his chest. "I think we managed the quick part, not sure about the quiet part though" he mumbles against your forehead.

"Well I'm certain we weren't that sneaky, and I'm sure they all know where we've gone" you lean back to look him in the eyes before pressing another kiss to his lips as he shrugs.

Sure enough as you make your way back downstairs and rejoin your group of friends, you hear Mason say "let's give a round of applause to our hosts for this evening" grinning at the two of you "who apparently couldn't even wait for us all to leave to ring in their new year judging by the way they snuck off and Christian's hair."

Christian buries his face into your neck and you hide your face in your hands as he pulls you in closer to him.

"That was just round one" he laughs back to them, grabbing you and kissing you to the cheers and cat calls from his best friends.

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic imagine #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic smut

603 notes · View notes

bellewintersroe · 10 months

Text

Max Verstappen X Celeb Ex!Reader -Angst.

Reader and Max broke up only 3 weeks ago so feelings are still extremely fresh. Now she’s at Silverstone as a celebrity reporter, pinned with the task of interviewing her ex-boyfriend. With the whole world watching, the pressure on each of their shoulders is immense. Part 2?

I felt the blood drain from my face when the name I was sworn I wouldn’t even have to think about today was mentioned. “What?” I breathlessly spoke, dropping my papers onto the table below. I felt an anxiety like no other rush through me, a sickness that caused my head to spin.

“We just need you to do a quick 5 minutes with Max.”

“You- you told me I definitely wouldn’t be interviewing him?” I held my hand against my forehead. “I know, but this has been arranged for the past few weeks, ah, before the um- parting was announced.” Paul, the Sky CEO and my current manager explained, trying to dodge around the work ‘break up’ as much as humanly possible. “Oh god.” I tensed my jaw, staring down to the ground whilst I gathered my thoughts- my twisted, scrambled thoughts. Max and I had one conversation since we broke up, and that was to publish the breakup announcement, even then the conversation lasted no longer than 3 messages each. Talk about awkward. Now, I’d been hired to do a bunch of celebrity and driver interviews at the Silverstone Grand Prix, what I did two years ago when I met Max originally.

“I’m sorry, but he’s pole, it’s how it always works.” He sighed. “No, I get it.” As badly as I didn’t want to do this, I knew I had to be professional or Sky wouldn’t hesitate to replace me. I was starting to question if that was actually such a bad idea? “Just… can I at least have some alcohol beforehand?”

“I can give you all the alcohol you want once the interview is over.” The time came where I had been walking up and down the grid, purposefully skipping the area designated Red Bull despite me being friends with half the people there. Max, I knew he was around, and I couldn’t bare to bring myself to go over there despite talking to the grand majority of other drivers. “Okayyyy, y/n, and now we have to go to Red Bull, we need to speak to Max, we’re running out of time.” Lizzie, the coordinator for the day had to push me more than usual. I’d spent a little too long speaking to other drivers that I’d known for years. Lizzie rarely had to interrupt, but on this occasion she’d cut my interview with Oscar short, and rushed me away from Lando before he could give me a hug and make me cry by asking how I was doing.

“Okay.” My palms were sweating as I attempted to wipe them on my black, short dress. The dress fit 3 weeks ago, but recently I’d been having to tie the bow around my chest tighter and tighter. The flared arms were somehow even baggier, and although I felt good, I knew there would be a lot of twitter comments at the end of the day pointing out my weight loss.

I was purposefully walking slow, eyes darting from person to person. Could I at least bump into Daniel or one of my friends before? Christian Horner, force him to talk about Red Bull’s strategy for an hour, Checo- ANYBODY, just not- “Max Verstappen, there he is!”

Fuck. My stomach churned when I saw my ex boyfriend making his way over. It felt like something stabbed me in the chest as I had to force myself to breath again. He was so familiar yet so uncomfortably different, like I’d seen him just minutes prior, yet it was nearing a month. His eyes landed on mine and I could see the immediate way his breath got caught in his chest.

I felt stiff as I held the microphone up, seeing all three cameras steadily pointed at us, indicating this interview had already begun. I didn’t even have time to compose myself. “Hello!” Max perked, moving forwards to give me a quick hug. Again, his touch felt so familiar but so coldly distant. His palm was flat on my back for about a second as I barely touched him with the microphone in my hand. How was I once so excited and giggly to see a man that now sent a wave of anxiety rushing through me.

“Hi Max! Thank you for speaking to us.” I awkwardly made the most forced smile, I couldn’t look at him, I was looking anywhere but his eyes. For the first time all day I’d followed the script word for word. “Congratulations on P1, how are you feeling for the race today?!” As I held the microphone out towards him I could see the way it trembled with my hands. It was embarrassing, I hoped he’d just take the thing out of my hand.

“Uh, same as always.” Nervous, excited? He didn’t get to do our pre race handshake- I wondered if he thought about that?

“Looking forwards to it, as long as it all goes as smooth as it did yesterday, I’m quite confident with our team strategy today.” He nodded before quickly speaking again. “How are you?” He cocked his head to the side, for the first time I made real eye contact with him now. Horrible, I regret our decision, no distance is too far, I haven’t eaten properly in 3 weeks- I miss you. “I’m okay!” My voice cracked, it couldn’t have sounded any less convincing. “Excited to be here, such a nice day as well, I think everybody’s glad the rains stopped.” I forced another laugh back to the camera men who nodded their cameras in unison. “Hopefully the conditions stay good like this all day for you.” I offered him a quick nod as I saw him swallow harshly, his eyes focused on me.

“We can make this work… I want this to work.” His words I remembered remained heavy on my chest, stinging my heart as I looked back to him now. That familiar sensation of guilt trailed through me as I then remembered his offer to come live with him in Monaco, how I’d been so absolutely foolish to decline. “Yeah, I hope so, but you know I don’t mind racing in the rain. It always rains at home.” The semi personalised answer had my chest fluttering as a more genuine smile grew on my face. “Until you all skid off the track.”

“Luckily I don’t plan on doing that.” A small breath of laughter escaped my mouth. “Hopefully not.” My eyes fell to the ground when I realised where I actually was. For a moment I’d got a little caught up before quickly returning back to the questions.

“Well I think you’re being called over now Max, but thank you for speaking to us, good luck for the race today.” I offered him another smile as he reached out, rubbing my back a little with a quick, “thank you, y/n/n.” Before hurrying off to where he was being called to. Just like that he’d vanished and suddenly not interviewing him anymore felt 10x worse than the anxiety beforehand.

“Brilliant, a little awkward at the end there, y/n/n but as always thank you for doing that with us. Now time to relax.” Lizzie attempted to choke but all I could do was bite down on my lip. I felt like I was going to be sick, “uh- I just need a second.” I think she could tell by the look on my face something was wrong. I’d darted through the grid, past endless celebrities and familiar faces to lock myself in the bathroom and burst into tears. Holy fuck, it was uncontrollable. I felt an overwhelming sense of regret over Max and I breaking up. How oddly normal it eventually felt with him there, yet how sickening it was knowing he was no longer mine. It was by far the worst heartache I’d ever been through, and being exposed to him a mere 3 weeks after breaking up felt all wrong. When I’d emerged, the race had already started. I’d walked out pathetically wiping my eyes, a couple women asking if I was okay, stunned that y/n y/l/n, famous actress had just been sobbing her heart out in the grid toilets. I was not having a good time, and if it wasn’t for a bunch of my close friends being there I would’ve left.

Plus, there was one upside to being here as a guest… the free alcohol.

#max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x you #Max Verstappen x celeb reader

177 notes · View notes

hischierswhore · 1 year

Text

failed dates

pairing: Christian Pulisic x Reader

TW: minor cursing // disrespectful guy who doesn’t understand what ‘no’ means

You were currently sat alone at a table for two at some fancy restaurant, whose name you couldn't remember. The other people around you seemed to be occupied with their dates, reminding you that yours had once again failed miserably.

The guy you were on a date with started by flirting with you heavily, then immediately becoming belligerent when you rejected his advances. You continued on with the date, as you thought that maybe he deserved a second chance. But you couldn't have been more wrong.

Things only got worse from there, with him continuing in his attempts to persuade you to accept his advances. By the time you'd finished dinner, he was in full blown argument mode after you repeatedly rejected his advances. He clearly wasn't used to rejection, and it stung his ego a little bit.

By the time the evening was over, you felt absolutely no desire to give him another opportunity. He continued to speak some nonsense you were blocking out, but you quickly focused when you heard him say "I can't wait to have you in my bed tonight". That was your final straw.

"Excuse my language, but who the fuck do you think you are? I believe that I've made myself very clear that I don't want to sleep with you, or anything of the sort. If you can't handle this level of rejection, then I suggest you stop wasting my time." You replied, glaring back at him before getting up to leave.

"Find yourself a new ride" He spat as he walked out of the building and drove off. You mentally cursed as you realized that maybe having him drive you to the date wasn't a good idea. You sat back down, realizing you had nowhere to go. You thought about calling Uber, but you didn't necessarily feel like paying god knows how much for a ride, so you called the only person you could think of.

"Hello?" His voice was raspy on the other end of the line.

"Oh, you were asleep. Neverm-" He cut you off.

"No, I'm awake. What's up?" He attempted to make himself sound as awake as possible.

"I wanted to see if you could pick me up? My date left me stranded at that restaurant you usually go to for team dinners" You heard motion in the background as you spoke.

"I'll be there in 10" He assured you before hanging up. Ten minutes later, you heard someone calling your name. You looked around and saw that Christian, your best friend, had arrived to take you back home. He made eye contact with you and rushed over to your table.

"There you are. You ready to leave?" You nodded as he grabbed your jacket from your hands and held it for you. He held his arm out for you to hold onto as you walked back to his car, which you kindly accepted. You made your way to his car, with him opening the door for you, which was something he's done since the day the pair of you met.

As you settled into the passenger seat and he settled into the driver's seat, you felt like he had a question to ask.

"So what happened with this one?" He was used to you going on terrible dates by now, but this was the first in which you'd called him to pick you up.

"He was just so disrespectful. Kept trying to make advances towards me, which I rejected multiple times, but he wasn't getting the hint" You sighed as you leaned your head on the window, staring out into the busy London night life.

After a moment of silence, you looked over at Christian, only to find his grip on the wheel tighter than ever before.

"He definitely sounds like an asshole" He mumbled as he continued driving.

"Yeah, nothing special about him. At least I'm in better company now than I was before" You joked, always finding light in situations like this.

"I'm just glad you're okay though" He moved his other hand to yours, gently caressing the back of your hand. It was interactions like this that made you love him more than any other friend, because you knew that he genuinely cared about you.

The rest of the ride back to your apartment was silent, soft music playing in the background to fill the silence, though it was a comfortable silence.

A few minutes later, when you arrived to your apartment, you & Christian both stayed in his car for a bit longer. You sensed there was a bit of tension in the air, though you couldn’t figure out why.

“Can I ask you something?” Christian spoke up, with you letting out a quiet ‘mhm’ in response.

“Why do you keep going on these dates with such, excuse my language, shitty guys? What are you looking for in a guy that you can’t seem to find anywhere?” He looked at you and noticed you were fidgeting. You felt his eyes burning into you as you hesitated, not feeling quite ready to reveal the truth to your best friend.

“I’ve been trying to find you…” You mumbled just above a whisper, hoping he didn’t catch it.

“What was that, princess?” His hand continued to gently trace circles on the back of yours in an attempt to calm you down.

“I said I’ve been trying to find you, Chris” You sighed as you looked up to meet his eyes, though you noticed his eyebrows were raised and he had a look of confusion written across his features.

“I don’t understand”

“This whole time I’ve been trying to find someone like you. Someone who’s sweet, caring & just makes me feel comfortable in their presence. Someone who makes me laugh and allows me to be myself, but no one compares to you. I’ve been trying to find these things in someone, but you’re the only one, Chris. I never said anything because I didn’t want to mess up what we have; I can’t risk losing you” You moved your gaze back down to your lap, where your fingers went back to fidgeting.

“You could never lose me, princess. You’re stuck with me forever. Never in a million years did I think you would say that to me, but I’m glad you did. I’ve been watching you go on these failed dates and wondering when it’ll be my turn. Wondering when it’ll be my turn to show you how you deserve to be treated. And you’re telling me now that it’s always been me?” He questioned, to which you mumbled a quiet ‘yeah’.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked as you nodded.

He gently grabbed the side of your face as you brought yourself closer to him, your lips making contact as you shut your eyes, melting into the kiss. It was a rather gentle kiss, but it was soft and sweet, perfect for the moment. You felt him smile against your lips, leading you to smile as well. The kiss lasted for a while, both of you pulling away as you both needed air.

You rested your forehead against his, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment.

“I love you, Y/n” Christian whispered.

“I love you too, Chris”

~~~~

taglist

@ithinkimokeei @myheartgoesvroom @mounthings @tall-tanned-tattoo @itsnotgray @alwaysclassyeagle @charlewiss @pianoisland @chelseagirl98 @lovelynikol16 @username-envy @pulisicsgirl @lizzypotter14 @bracedes @thoseboysinblue @swimmingismywholelife @neverinadream

#✎ natalie writes #christian pulisic #christian pulisic fluff #christian pulisic x y/n #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic x you #christian pulisic fanfic #christian pulisic imagine

263 notes · View notes

spacelazarwolf · 10 months

Note

Seeing how you're responding to a lot of insensitive asks from Christians, I was wondering if I could ask a good faith question as a change of pace?

I am religiously a liberal quaker, so one of the most important things to me spiritually is learning about how other people engage with god/their higher power. By listening to their experiences and making a strong effort to understand their perspective, I feel more connected with God and my community. Specifically, I want to learn how individuals engage in their faith and not just the "by the book, this is what x religion believes" you find online.

I've always had a deep respect for Judaism, and I want to approach the people in my circle and try to have those good faith learning experiences if they are willing, especially since the Jewish faith is so rare where I live.

Unfortunately, with a lot of my ethos and language being derived from Christ (even if I'm not a christian), it makes it feel like a minefield to even start the conversation. I'm queer, and the man who raised me was native American. I'm very aware of how being connected to Christianity, even only tangentially, will immediately raise red flags for people. And for good reason.

So, how do I disarm myself? I want to hear people's stories, I want to know the Light in them because I truly wish to love and understand them as they are. How do I approach and ask for consent for such a thing without it feeling like I'm waving a torch in their face?

i would start with gauging your level of awareness and education when it comes to general jewish stuff like history and practices and holidays. if you want to get more into the nitty gritty with hearing people's stories you'll need that foundation first if you really want to understand them. there's tons of books, websites like myjewishlearning, and you could even try contacting a rabbi and asking for an in person or phone appointment with them to ask some questions and get some suggestions for what resources to use. once you have that foundational level of understanding of judaism and the jewish people, it'll be much easier to talk to jews about more personal things.

in terms of actually approaching people, if they're your friends, then hopefully they already have a good idea of what kind of person you are and if they're comfortable sharing with you. if you don't know them as well, make sure you're not just going into the encounter with the goal of "learn jew stuff" and that's it. they're whole people, and you don't want to treat them like a jewish encyclopedia.

we can usually tell when someone is being genuine and when someone has weird or bad motives, so as long as you're respectful and honest about what you want from the conversation, and maybe share a bit of yourself as well, most of us are happy to talk about it.

also quakerism and quakers have always seemed very cool to me. i heard it's much more about a way of life instead of a set faith, which feels a lot like judaism to me. also y'all have the public universal friend so u r winning.

#ask avishai

117 notes · View notes

greenthena · 5 months

Text

Why then was this forbid? Why but to keep ye low and ignorant

(If evil, why tasty?)

In the Garden (the one in Eden, not in Tadfield or Berkeley Square), Aziraphale is tasked with protecting the Tree of Knowledge. He is, as he says, "On apple tree duty," that day when Crawly suggests to Eve that the fruit might be extra delicious, and worth a rather significant gamble.

And about that fruit...what was it that was so corrupting to humanity that they had to be cast from paradise after consuming it? Aha! You just fell victim to one of the classic blunders. You thought I was here to argue theology. Even I'm not that much of a masochist. What I will say is this, the fruit gave them knowledge--specifically, the knowledge of Good and Evil--which made them like God. In Paradise Lost, where (let's be honest) Western Christians get most of their context for the Fall of Man, Milton describes humankind's experience prior to that Original Sin as being fully Good. Good (as defined by the Almighty) is available to Adam and Eve from their conception. But Evil can only be known by disobeying God...by eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. And, oh, does does that Wily Old Serpent entice Eve to eat the fruit. The Serpent's temptation is a hefty stanza, but my most particular favorite part is this,

Why then was this forbid? Why but to awe, Why but to keep ye low and ignorant, His worshippers; he knows that in the day Ye Eate thereof, your Eyes that seem so cleere, Yet are but dim, shall perfetly be then Op'nd and cleerd, and ye shall be as Gods, Knowing both Good and Evil as they know.

(Milton, Book 9, lines 703-709.)

Ah, Crawly, you did such a good job. "Get up there and make some trouble." And you certainly did.

So knowing, knowledge...theologically these are heavy themes in the Eden narrative. Once Eve and Adam partake of the fruit (oh, spoiler alert...sorry...yah, they eat the apple) their eyes are opened and they realize that they are naked and everything changes. They're exiled from paradise, never to return to the sanctuary of creation's womb.

Remember what Aziraphale was doing that day? Well, what he was supposed to be doing, anyhow... Guarding the Tree, yes? Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, but also Steward of the Tree. Keeper of the Knowledge. Hold that thought; I'm going to need you to come back to it in a bit.

Crawly...well, Crowley and Aziraphale spend the next six millennia on earth addressing the assignments given by their respective Head Offices and eventually forming their Arrangement. And through this time, Crowley introduces Aziraphale to a vast array of different types of knowledge: the knowledge of what food tastes like in the definitely-not-a-temptation form of ox ribs; the knowledge of what wine does to an angel's corporation; the knowledge that he has more free will than he realizes and can lie directly to Heavens' Supreme Archangel; and, perhaps most impactfully, the knowledge that he has a friend hereditary enemy who will keep his secrets safe.

As Aziraphale experiences existence on earth, he accumulates volumes of knowledge that other angels will never have, and even begins to collect this knowledge for himself in the most human way imaginable.

He acquires books. Little storehouses of knowledge in which people express their ideas, ask questions, and perform humanity in a way that is really only possible because Eve took the apple and defied her Maker. If they'd stayed in the Garden, there would be no questions, no new ideas, no sushi restaurants, and no dusty little bookshops where angels keep their precious hoards of human knowledge.

Remember that little thought I asked you to hold onto oh, say two paragraphs ago? Here's where it fits. A.Z. Fell & Co. is the New Eden. It's a safe haven containing a vast store of knowledge guarded by the angel of the Eastern Gate. Even the physical design of the bookshop mimics the walls of the Garden.

Just as in the original Eden, where the angel gave the demon the shelter of his wing, the bookshop provides a true home for Crowley (especially in S2, when we see him consistently remove his sunglasses upon entering the shop as an act of vulnerability.)

And like God in Her Garden, Aziraphale is covetous of his Knowledge, refusing to sell his books just as the Almighty denied the breeding pair of humans access to the fruit.

(Also, I literally asked God, and She said that Aziraphale will get mad if you try to eat his books.)

#good omens #meta monday #go meta #crowley #aziraphale #angel of the eastern gate #anthony janthony crowley

58 notes · View notes

nerdygaymormon · 8 months

Text

The LDS Church & homosexuality

Some church goers are uncomfortable that I identify as gay. They think how my Creator made me is somehow against God, but I’m allowed to stay in my church because I’m single and celibate which means I am following my church’s teachings on sexuality, which also matches historical Christian teachings on sexuality.

You know who isn’t following those historical teachings? Straight couples who use birth control. Also breaking the historical rules are straight couples where one or both of them divorced a former spouse.

By historical, I mean the majority Christian understanding of the past 2000+ years. But we don’t even have to go back that far. I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which I’ll refer to as “the church” or “LDS Church”), let’s look at some of it’s more recent teachings & practices:

In the 1960′s, at General Conference it was taught that using contraception was a gross wickedness.

In the 1980′s, the LDS Church told bishops not to issue temple recommends to married couples who engage in oral sex.

Even up to 2020, the Handbook said church members had to consult with their bishop before getting a vasectomy or tubal ligation because this was seen as a moral issue since it would prevent them from having more children.

This is not ancient history!

Over the past 50 years, the church has liberalized sex for straight married couples. Current LDS policies are that birth control is considered a private matter for the married couple to decide and bishops are instructed not to ask married couples about their sexual behaviors. Oral and anal sex, or any other sexual act that may not result in pregnancy, are no longer considered moral dangers which the church needs to stop straight married couples from exploring. As one friend of mine described it, once you’re married, anything goes as long as there’s consent from both partners.

————————————————————

For gay couples, there’s been a little bit of movement by my church, but nothing like what has happened for straight couples.

Gay individuals are now allowed to call themselves “gay” without getting in trouble, they’re allowed to date and hold hands and kiss without having to confess or have their church membership put in jeopardy (unless you attend the church’s schools where you may get punished for those behaviors). However, for gay couples, marriage or sex will both bring discipline and possible expulsion from the church.

————————————————————

The Biblical viewpoints on sexuality come from a time and culture that valued women for their ability to produce children. Infant mortality rates were high and overall population growth was slow. Any kind of sex that couldn’t result in a pregnancy was forbidden (even if not the intent of the original text, that’s the interpretation made by Christians and taught for centuries)

Today, infant mortality rates are low, life expectancy is high, and the world’s population is at a whopping 8 billion (it first reached 1 billion in 1804, 2 billion in 1927, and has continued to expand at a quickening pace). The reality of our lives has changed.

Biblical understandings of orientations were very different from today’s. Even modern understanding has evolved as prior to the 19th century, the concept of a sexual orientation was absent from Western culture.

————————————————————

Let’s take a look at the evolution of the LDS Church’s positions on homosexuality.

Labels

In the 1960′s church leaders took a hard stance against even identifying as gay. Calling yourself gay or a homosexual could result in excommunication.

In the 1980′s, the church separated having gay feelings from behaviors. Feelings and attractions were no longer a sin, just the behaviors. However, what labels queer members should use was still a hot topic. Same-sex attraction was the preferred label.

I remember being told in the 1990′s that the terms gay, lesbian, or bi should only be used as adjectives to describe behaviors or feelings, not people. People were encouraged to say they experience same-sex attraction (SSA) and not call themselves gay.

While calling yourself lesbian, bi or gay is still not encouraged, in 2016 the church finally said it’s okay to do so.

—————————

What causes someone to be gay

The church taught people developed homosexual feelings due to a variety of reasons. These reasons changed over the decades, but here are some of the things the church taught as causing homosexuality: masturbation, sexual abuse, wearing gender non-conforming clothing, or even just talking about homosexuality. In other words, having gay attractions was a mental disorder for which someone needed help.

Gay people have been disagreeing for decades, explaining we didn’t choose to be gay and it isn’t the result of abuse or other such causes, it’s just how we are.

Since 1990, there’s been a steady accumulation of research to show that a person’s sexuality is determined before birth. Yet the church resisted change. Recognizing that it’s previous statements on the causes of homosexuality conflict with the research, in 2006 the church stated that it has no opinion on what causes someone to have homosexual attractions.

In 2010, Boyd K. Packer taught in General Conference that since God’s Plan is for men & women to have sex with each other in a marriage, God wouldn’t give people same-sex attractions without a way to change them while also prohibiting them from being able to act on these attractions. "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" That is a damn fine question to which the church has yet come up with a good answer. It leaves the church in a quandary that it acknowledges people are gay, they don’t choose to be gay, and they can’t choose to not be gay, and yet they're still prohibited from having sex or getting married

—————————

Reparative/Conversion Therapy

Given the way the church thought about what causes someone to be gay, it’s little wonder it also taught someone could be ‘cured.’ The 1960′s saw a big increase of statements from top leadership in the church teaching this.

In Sept 1969, the BYU Psychology Department begins electroshock aversion therapy research against ‘sexual deviancy.’

In 1978, gay students who attend BYU are still required to do conversion therapy, but no longer will aversion therapy be used.

In 1992, the church discouraged leaders of local congregations from encouraging members to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual as that generally leads to frustration and discouragement.

In 2016, the church created the Mormon and Gay website which declared conversion therapy or sexual orientation change efforts are unethical. It seems that it’s around this time that BYU ceased conversion therapy

It took until 2019 for LDS Family Services (the church’s therapy arm) to say it no longer tries to change a person’s sexual orientation, in other words, no more reparative therapy.

—————————

Mixed-orientation marriages

In the 1970′s and 1980′s, gay men were actively encouraged to marry a woman with the promise this would "cure" their homosexuality (the church is focused on gay men while barely showing any concern for lesbians). I suppose this could be seen as another attempt at reparative therapy.

In the April 1987 General Conference, Gordon B. Hinckley said marriage shouldn’t be used as a way to cure homosexuality. But for men who were able to have some attraction to a woman, or who had a great desire to be married with a family in spite of who they are attracted to, mixed-orientation marriages were still encouraged.

In 2006, it was stated mixed-orientation marriages are no longer encouraged as therapy or a solution to deal with homosexual feelings. It’s a little more expansive from the 1987 statement which was only about using marriage to cure homosexual feelings. While this is the official policy, many leaders still encourage gay people to enter mixed-orientation marriages, and not just at the local level. David Archuleta shared in 2022 that an apostle had encouraged him to marry “a good girl.”

Mixed-orientation marriages don’t have a good track record, even for LDS couples, about 70% of them end in divorce. This is why I think the church stopped encouraging them.

—————————

The fight against gay marriage

In the 1990′s and 2000′s, the LDS Church’s fight against gay marriage invoked the fear that if gay marriage was legalized, within one generation the world’s population of humans would be wiped out.

Somehow they thought homosexuality was so alluring that everyone would choose it and no more children would be born. Makes me wonder how many repressed gay men were in the ranks of the church leaders.

Once gay marriage was legalized, the church moved to explain why it still wouldn’t allow gay marriages among its members. Here’s some of the attempts:

The church has continued to teach that God only approves of a man & a woman who are married and sealed together. They will sometimes refer to scriptures as if that settles the matter, but even a casual reading of those verses will leave a person wondering what they have to do with a gay couple, or why a verse about polygamy is used to support 1 man + 1 woman.

With the growing acceptance of gay people and calls for change, in 2019 Elder Oaks introduced the idea that the 2 great commandments are in conflict and we need to not accept our gay neighbor too much because it would conflict with obeying the 1st command to love God. Later in a 2023 YSA fireside, Elder Oaks backed off of the idea that there's tension between the 2 great commandments.

In 2021, Elder Oaks introduces the idea that the church is only about helping people aim for the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom, and that requires a straight couple being sealed. Queer people can’t fit that, so they will go to a lower kingdom, and those are really good, so they’ll be fine. (it feels like an attempt to placate those who want more, like how the idea of civil unions was meant to satisfy gay couples and keep them from wanting to get married)

In 2023, Elder Oaks added the idea that everyone who “keeps their covenants” are assured of having a sealed relationship. I think this is his way of saying gay marriage isn’t needed because that won’t last and eventually after you’re dead you will get to be in a straight marriage so just be patient.

In 2023, a survey by PRRI shows that as of 2022 50% of active LDS members of the church in the United States approve of gay marriage. So I would say these attempts against accepting gay marriage are not yielding the hoped-for results

—————————

Status of children of gay couples

In 2015, in response to the legalization of gay marriage across the United States, the LDS church implemented a new policy which forbids children from joining the church, or advancing in church, if one of their parents is in a gay relationship. Sadly, this mostly affected children who grew up in church as they were born to a couple in a mixed-orientation marriage which had broken up and the gay spouse found a same-sex partner.

In 2019, as part of undoing the 2015 policy, it was shared that many exemptions to the policy had been granted since 2015, and that the policy against the children is no longer in effect.

—————————

Law of Chastity

For many decades, “acting” on same-sex attractions was considered against the law of chastity. Many took this to include not just sexual acts but also dating or even hugs and holding hands.

In 2019, as part of undoing the 2015 policy which banned the children of gay couples from joining the LDS church, the statement was made that "immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way." Many interpret this to mean dating, hand holding, and other activities that single heterosexual adults are allowed to engage in before marriage, these are now allowable for gay people. Not all local leaders agree with this interpretation, and in 2023 the BYU Honor Code was updated to forbid “same-sex romantic behavior.”

————————————————————

Within my lifetime, the law of chastity restrictions on straight couples have gone away as long as they’re married.

For gay people, the church now acknowledges they exist and it isn’t a choice to have these feelings. You may be allowed to date and hold hands and kiss but it is not encouraged because it can lead to a gay marriage.

Church leaders and members from a few decades ago would be shocked at the current teachings and practices of the LDS church in regards to sexuality, both for straight and gay people.

It is odd to hear church leaders claim the law of chastity isn’t subject to change, that doctrines never change, our teachings about homosexuality will never change, and yet we have a history of change. What's the point of being a church of continuing revelation if we say there will be no further revelation?

I hope for our leaders to receive "further light and knowledge.” We claim to be a church of revelation, so let’s get inspiration on how God’s queer children fit into God’s plan, on the blessings available to them, on how they bless the rest of the church, and their purposes in life. Let queer people have joy and hope in this life.

#queerstake

83 notes · View notes

yallemagne · 8 months

Text

"Oh my God! my God! what have I done? What have I done to deserve such a fate, I who have tried to walk in meekness and righteousness all my days. God pity me! Look down on a poor soul in worse than mortal peril; and in mercy pity those to whom she is dear!"

Mina asks what she's done to deserve this perceived punishment. After all, she did everything she was expected to as a Good Christian Woman. She obediently acquiesced when the Patriarch told her to, and she suffered quietly and out of the way of the Men as they did their work.

Why is she punished if she did everything right? Mina assumes that this must mean that it is not her actions that earned her this fate, but instead, some awfulness that is inherent to her as a woman. She once compared herself to Eve, who is held to this day as the eternal example by Christians of the intrinsic sinfulness of women. After all, why was it Eve who ate the apple first and not Adam? Why was it Pandora who tipped over the vase or opened the box? Those in power reason that it is because they were women, and women are prone to disobey God, hence why they never let women be in power. Mina has no option but to believe that she somehow transgressed despite all her efforts not to because she is a woman. Eve and Pandora doomed humanity because of a pursuit of knowledge in disobedience against God, and by that logic, Mina doomed herself and the men by opening Jonathan's journal.

But who disobeys God today? Not Mina. Mina is fervent in her belief, even if now she doubts that she is worthy of God's mercy.

"I promise you, my dear friend, that if God will let me live, I shall strive to do so; till, if it may be in His good time, this horror may have passed away from me."

If, if, if God will let her live, if God will let her suffering cease. These are ifs. She won't let herself say "when" because she fears to do so is too hubristic. And still, when Jonathan raises his voice to God, she scolds him.

"May God give him into my hand just for long enough to destroy that earthly life of him which we are aiming at. If beyond it I could send his soul for ever and ever to burning hell I would do it!" "Oh, hush! oh, hush! in the name of the good God. Don't say such things, Jonathan, my husband; or you will crush me with fear and horror. [...] but I pray that God may not have treasured your wild words, except as the heart-broken wail of a very loving and sorely stricken man. Oh, God, let these poor white hairs go in evidence of what he has suffered, who all his life has done no wrong, and on whom so many sorrows have come."

Jonathan prays God will be so merciful to them as to give him the opportunity to stop the Count once and for all. But Mina fears God. She wishes Jonathan would fear God as well. She fears that if they are too ungracious in their suffering, they'll be punished further. If Jonathan asks for too much from God, God will scorn his eagerness and smite them both.

But does God ever punish Jonathan? No, not unless you agree with Mina and think the whitening hair was done in retribution for something. Nor did God really punish Mina. They have not transgressed whatsoever. Mina is right that she did everything right, that Jonathan has done no wrong, but she comes to the conclusion that though they are good people, they have earned suffering by being too expectant of God's mercy, and so, they must humble themselves.

"Unclean! Unclean! Even the Almighty shuns my polluted flesh! I must bear this mark of shame upon my forehead until the Judgment Day."

Mina is wrong to assign any intent to God's actions. She does so because VH did as well. While he was rallying the team for their mission, he spoke of how reviled the Count and his ilk are in the eyes of God. That, if they fail their mission, they will be despised by God for their failure. He assumes this because holy objects hurt vampires. And now the wafer burns Mina, and she concludes that God hates her.

But it is not proof God hates her! She is not being punished, and that is the entire point! Bram writes a story where good people suffer awful hardships despite the ever-present belief that the good cannot suffer because they are good and that only the wicked suffer.

But what do we see here?! God does not inflict suffering upon the wicked! If God did that, wouldn't Dracula be in Hell being punished instead of on Earth and gloating?

But he's not because God is an entirely passive figure in this story. It is only when people take their symbols into their hands and use them that they harm anyone. The wafer that VH tried to use to bless Mina did not hurt her because God hates her, it hurt her because the wafer was being used as a ward against the Count, and she was forced to drink the Count's blood. VH cannot use the power of God to protect Mina from something already inside and killing her, it's too late for such protection. It is only she who can protect herself, now.

#dracula #dracula daily #re: dracula #this is very all ove rthe place I feel but I cannot sit any longer #mina harker #cw christianity

104 notes · View notes

agendabymooner · 8 months

Text

wild ! max v. x ofc (hearth sister!ofc) - tltl series

“‘cause when you look like that i’ve never ever wanted to be so bad.”

summary: sylvie came to the realization that a) she couldn't stop smiling at max's texts and b) she's in love with max. she only admitted to the latter when christian horner pointed the obvious. (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10)(11)

content warning: extremely incomplete piece, max being thirsty, christian horner being cool for once, use of explicit language, "they're just friends" trope, simp!max and simp!ofc, textfic + written (mari's mom = ofc + mari's dad = max)

note: i need to write my essay lolololol chile anyways enjoy xx

masterlist

Being allowed to work remotely was one of the best things that could’ve happened to Sylvie. The Haute Couture Paris Fashion Week came around way too quickly yet juggling two works at once was easily managed by her. Thank god for her manager.

As soon as she flew to France to begin her week, her hands immediately turned off her airplane mode to contact Max and Daniel about Marinara. It was saddening having to travel away from the puppy, most of Sylvie’s support system were all at the same location to rest before the Austrian GP while she was in Paris to put on her best resting bitch face while she walked down and impress the front row guests with the newest collection made by the designer. She hated being away from Marinara. Especially when she was in Netherlands with her stupid fucking father that Sylvie called Max Verstappen.

Just as she was prepping for her first show, she immediately called for her manager to ask for her wired earphones. She immediately plugged it in and answered Max’s call.

“I’m only an hour ahead of you lots,” Sylvie deadpanned, leaving Max to screech out in laughter.

“What do you mean? I’m just saying hi,” Max exclaimed. He was in his room, Sylvie assumed.

“Where’s my baby?”

“Right here,” he joked, showing his full face. Sylvie raised a brow, trying to figure out whether to laugh at his face or just ask him again. She did neither and took a screenshot of their FaceTime call— most of which was just his face. Perfect blackmail material. “Just joking. Nara is… with Blue Jaye and Victoria right now. I think Blue’s more excited about the puppy than Vic was.”

“She was just telling me how she was pumped on seeing Marinara days ago,” Sylvie replied while she had her eyes shut, her makeup artist dabbing on some foundation in the process.

“She thought that you’re the one heading here,” Max snorted. “She got too excited with you coming; she didn’t think it’d be a mini you instead.”

“Hadn’t meant to disappoint her that much,” Sylvie rolled her eyes, “glad to hear Jaye’s loving Nara.”

“Oh definitely,” Max nodded, shifting around his room while his front camera showed his moving figure. “It didn’t help that you’re not here though. Can you believe that? Two of my sisters are looking for you instead of me— their own brother.”

“I’d get excited about my sisters too, to be fair,” she held the microphone of her wired earphones close to her mouth as she continued to get her face covered in cosmetics.

“You don’t have a brother,” Max deadpanned. “Even your stepbrothers wouldn’t cut the standards you’ve had.”

“Don’t be too sad about them getting excited about seeing me,” Sylvie snorted before she casually told him, “if it makes you feel better, I’m excited to see you in Austria.”

“Oh real comforting,” Max mockingly sighed. Sylvie’s eyes narrowed slightly as he continued, “Sylvie’s excited to see me. Yay Max, I guess.”

“No need to be an arsehole about it, you utter twat—“ she ended the call halfway through. She wasn’t truly offended, she just felt the need to act the part.

She then looked up at the makeup artist as the woman asked, “Calling him back, love?”

“Pft, he can wait,” Sylvie took off her earphones and waved off before she continued getting her makeup done. Hearing a ping, she peered down on her screen and grinned at the text.

Mari’s Dad: I can’t even not laugh at your face when you get upset 😂 anyways talk to u l8r Mustang — send me best pics from miumiu whenever u can!!

Mari’s Dad: also, I am happy to hear that ur excited to see me next weekend 😁 can’t wait to see u!!!

Mari’s Mom: I’m so mad. I literally ran barefoot to the pastry store across the Hotel Ritz before closing and they didn’t even have any strawberry macarons left wtffff

Mari’s Dad: Yikessss 😬😬 do they have any pistachio though

Mari’s Mom: I was going to play with fire if they didn’t

Mari’s Dad: Hey, don’t say that. Be grateful they even sold those pistachio macarons to you.

Mari’s Mom: It’s not everyday they see a supermodel run across the street with no shoes on just because she’s craving for macarons.

Mari’s Dad: Fair enough 🤷‍♀️ maybe you can ask Christian to have some in display at the hospitality?

Mari’s Mom: Hell no 💀 I’m desperate but not that desperate

Mari’s Dad: Still holding a grudge against him? In this economy?

Mari’s Mom: No not really. He just annoys me.

Mari’s Dad: You sound like Toto.

Mari’s Mom: Fear me then, Max 😈😈

Mari’s Dad: I can’t do that when I literally saw you trip and eat shit back when we were six lol

Mari’s Mom: I can’t be arsed with this conversation anymore 😭

Mari’s Dad: Finally out of argument??? 😳😳

Mari’s Mom: Stop being a dickhead and let me enjoy my treats 😭 it’s not easy for us people with anxiety these days and all we want is a tray of macarons.

Mari’s Dad: Fly to Amsterdam then. I won’t bother you anymore.

Mari’s Mom: You won’t bother me in texts but you’d be bothering me in real life 😬 I have three more days before i deal with that.

Mari's Mom: Btw, don’t be fucking stupid with Daniel during the week alright? If I hear from either of you PR managers that you can’t sit through a recording without giving them a headache I’m literally gonna cause problems for Christian— and you do not want ME to cause problems for YOUR team principal of all people.

Mari’s Dad: Damn 😭 why did I get a business talk and why are you telling me this??? Daniel should be the one who should get the PR/marketing talks not me

Mari’s Mom: Lederhosen. That’s all I can tell you. If I hear anything about you two ripping your trousers I’m gonna have to mathematically figure out how you’d do that to a leather piece.

Mari’s Dad: Does this mean you’re wearing a dirndl too???

Mari’s Mom: Of course I will. It’s Austria and it’s Red Bull’s home country. Also, don't push your fucking luck, you’re not allowed to point out that I’m even wearing them.

Mari’s Dad: Yes ma’am

Max: Hey Christian. Out of curiosity, you wouldn’t mind seeing if you can request for some macarons for the Austrian GP right? Some pistachio and strawberry ones, mostly?

Christian Horner: Hello Max. That’s quite a peculiar request but why not. I don’t handle these things but I’ll see what the hospitality manager can do.

Max: Thank you.

Christian Horner: I wouldn’t be shocked if this was all for Sylvie.

Max: I said THANK YOU, Christian.

Christian Horner: Yeah yeah, don’t worry about it lad.

AUSTRIAN GP

Dressed in her Austrian folk wear and a rather fitting pair of shoes for them, Sylvie ensured that the embroidered Red Bull logo remained visible from the waistline of her apron. The dirndl fitted her so well, the tea length dress just reaching her calf. The Austrian Grand Prix was on the go, and this was just her first day after returning from the fashion week. It was Thursday. Most of them had gotten here earlier this week, only waiting for her to arrive.

Just as she stepped out of the garage, many fans had gotten a glimpse of her as they called and asked for her attention. She gracefully did so, waving her hand every once in a while before resting both of her hands behind her back. She wandered off while cameras took her picture as she made her way towards the paddock area.

“Mustang!” Her eyes were trained on the group of people who surrounded her nephew as she made her way towards them. Tilly hadn’t worn her dirndl and it was obvious that Toto hadn’t put on his lederhosen, but Max and Daniel were dressed in folk wear. Soren Wolff was relaxed on Toto’s arms, obviously not feeling anything of discomfort from wearing the little lederhosen that Tilly had slipped on him earlier today.

And while nobody hadn't noticed, Max's eyes were trained on her figure. Shit.

He can die a happy man.

“Oh wow,” Sylvie exclaimed, grinning at the now-bouncing baby in Toto’s arms. “Look at you, my little man. You are sooooo handsome, Soren!”

“Thanks, that’s all me,” Toto joked, grinning at the girl as he continued, “you look very beautiful as well, Sylvie.”

“So I’ve been told by countless photographers,” Sylvie laughed, still waving at Soren as he squealed. Her fingers reached for his tummy, making the baby squirm.

“You’re too late for the party,” Daniel joked. “They’ve told me how hot I was and how willing they were to rip this off of—“

“Mother of god— Daniel,” Tilly groaned in annoyance before swatting the Red Bull driver on the chest. Daniel wheezed, trying to catch his breath as Max and Sylvie cackled. The laughter shared between the two caught the baby off-guard as his dark eyes widened, his head moving to his left and right in confusion.

“Did Uncle Max and Auntie Sylvie surprise you, schatzi?” Toto grinned down at his son. The laughter was long gone, the Mercedes-AMG team principal looking up to see Max peering down at the skirt as Sylvie began frolicking and twirling around.

She was obviously telling Max about how perfectly the dirndl fitted her, but Max’s eyes were drawn on the legs underneath the fabric.

She was gorgeous, indeed, but Max could wash his mouth with soap if he ever mentioned that she was… hot. He wasn’t about to get smacked in the head for telling her how heavenly she looked in both dirndl and clothes she wore when she walked down the runway a few days ago.

And when the Dutchman looked up again, he swore not to get caught by Toto ever again. The Austrian held a glare in his face that told him enough about the dangers of ogling.

Her eyes were sparkling as her mouth chewed on the strawberry macaron, grinning at the taste. She had a diet plan, sure, but eating one or five macarons wouldn’t hurt. She was on a break, after all.

“Don’t finish the whole tray, my love,” she scowled lightly before facing the man who spoke behind her. Christian grinned mischievously as he continued, “Save some for the guests.”

Did she mention she was fairly close to reaching her period days, too?

“I wish I can quit right now,” She murmured while she continued chewing on the food, making her boss laugh lightheartedly. “I’m on a break, Christian.”

“I know— I actually assumed I’d find you in front of the macaron display and look!” Christian gestured to her.

“Does your wife know you’re annoying?” Sylvie shot back.

Christian shrugged, “It’s mostly reserved for you and Toto. I’m glad you’re liking the delicacies though— I know how rough your week went.”

Was she ever thankful to have him as a boss? She actually grew quite fond of him as months went on. Christian Horner was a prat at the very beginning, but she supposed that making him own up to his mistake at the very beginning would eventually make him more cautious and accommodating to everyone.

Sylvie’s scowl disappeared as she swallowed the rest of her macaron and murmured, “Thank… Thanks.”

Christian waved her off, “Don’t thank me. Thank your best friend, if anything.”

“Best friend?” Sylvie repeated.

“Yeah,” Christian nodded, clapping her on the shoulder as he said, “the boy was practically on his knees when he asked to have those for the hospitality. You two have a bad habit of munching on those macarons in every race and between the two of you— Max eats the chocolate and espresso ones more than you do. The lad knows you’d kill for strawberry and pistachio— so maybe let him know you like him too?”

Sylvie pondered what he said for a second. How the fuck did Christian even know Sylvie loves Max? Wait, why was she even openly admitting that she loves him? And Max loves her?

What the hell was going on?

But the words that escaped her mouth was, “He was on his knees asking for macarons in the hospitality?”

“Oh, dear God. You two are just as oblivious as you can get.”

She liked Christian Horner, indeed, but maybe pointing out the most obvious to an oblivious woman wasn't the brightest idea he had ever done. Because now she wasn't only oblivious- she was fucking paranoid and in love.

Talk about playing with fire.

78 notes · View notes