#my brain would not cooperate for those 2 weeks
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Finally getting back into my writing 200 words a day habit. I met my goal the last 3 days 🙌🏻
#a writer's life#my brain would not cooperate for those 2 weeks#so weird#it also helped to work on another WIP#the WIP I’ve been focused on I’ve currently gotten stuck and can’t get my#can’t get rolling again
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9. the fear of what's to come
Woman | Joel Miller x Female Reader
Rating: Mature/Explicit
Chapter Summary: You and Joel navigate life changing news.
Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (13/14 years). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.
Chapter Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, mentions of potential pregnancy complications including but not limited to miscarriage and stillbirth, single reference to a fetus being a child (not intended in a pro life way), angst, grief, complicated feelings surrounding pregnancy.
Notes: A huge thanks to my amazing beta readers and friends @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin & @janaispunk
If you have not checked out Before, I would encourage you to do so for more backstory on our dear reader!
Words: 3088
Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist
You know three weeks after your missed period what is happening. It’s not hard to figure out. It’s just like last time. Menopause crosses your mind briefly, but the symptoms don’t line up. You’re sensitive to the same foods, nausea rolls in and out like the ocean tides throughout the day. The insatiable craving for a tomato sandwich cements it two days later. Tears run down your cheeks as you quickly finish off the sandwich and prepare another.
You don’t get excited. You don’t make plans, and most importantly, you don’t tell Joel. You’re 45. Joel is in his late 50s. You know the statistics, the pre-end-of-the-world ones. You can’t imagine they’ve improved.
Instead, you just hope that when it happens, nothing goes wrong. There’s no DNC, no pills to make sure everything passes properly or ensure no infection sets in. You’ve aided many women through this, many much younger than yourself. Some make it just fine, others have complications with nothing but prayer, poultices, and 20-year-old antibiotics to help. You’re not sure what actually does it when the women make it through. Some of them you've buried. Their faces flicker through your mind. You cannot be one of them. You cannot leave Carter without either of his parents in this world.
You tell Maria. You tell her everything she needs to know. What to do step by step when it happens. Since Adam’s injury, Dr. Pooley refuses to practice anything more than simple first aid. You’re both certain it’s dementia. You spend most mornings listening to him talk through different lectures he attended. On the mornings his brain won’t cooperate, you sip tea together. He’s writing down what he remembers, but you have to fact-check it. He’s already taught you most of it anyway.
“You have to tell Joel,” Maria says when you tell her.
You refuse. You won’t do it. You won’t bring him into this. You have this silent agreement that you’re partners in this world, but he still lives in the house across the street with Ellie. There’s never been discussions about moving in together or anything past that. You don’t call him your boyfriend. He doesn’t call you his girlfriend. Making those commitments, those plans, it will hurt too much when the world takes him away.
Carter calls him “Daddy.” It makes Joel smile every time. He’s accepted that commitment. It makes you smile too, but there’s still a little ache in your heart each time. Carter knows about Gabe. You tell him stories all the time. If you ask him, he says he has two daddies. One here and one in heaven.
But you won’t tell Joel about this child. He’s lost one. He doesn’t need to lose another.
Maria fights you on it. She looks at her son pointing out that she was 2 years older than you are now when he was born healthy. You don’t remind her she almost died, but she sees it in your eyes. You still have nightmares about that night.
You’re firm. You’re not going to tell Joel. Neither will she, and she damn sure won’t tell Tommy either.
You wait for the cramps and the blood, but they never come. You hit the 3-month mark, your 2nd trimester at the beginning of October. You don’t cry in the bathroom. You square your shoulders. Second-trimester miscarriages happen. Stillbirths happen, but hope gathers in the depths of your soul, growing with each day. You push it away with logic and reasoning.
Two sides of you war against each other. You can’t bring another life into this world. At one point you were okay with it. You felt safe here, and while you still do, it doesn’t feel okay anymore. The world still digs its ugly claws into this community. Yet, the hopes you used to hold in your mind, the ones you had with Gabe, and the ones you had before the outbreak still linger. In a perfect, uncomplicated world, this is what you would choose.
You hide the sickness from Joel with relative ease. He’s often awake and out of bed before you for patrol shifts, early morning chores, or waking up with Carter so you can sleep in.
You deliver the Crosby twins a week later without complications. Melissa is only a couple of years younger than you, but at your age, you know how crucial those few years are. When you finally reach your front porch, you sit in the darkness of Wyoming and finally let the tears fall because fate seems to be telling you that this is happening, or just sending you another person to lose. The realization hits you like a freight train. Time is up. You have to tell Joel.
You crack open the door to Carter’s bedroom. He’s sound asleep and it relieves you to know he's here. You’re less on edge when he’s close, and It means Joel picked him up from Maria and Tommy’s. It means Joel is in your bed.
Sure enough, he’s there when you creep in. He sleeps on his side curled up over your pillow. You roll your eyes. Yes, it's endearing, but it’s also a pain in the ass to get your pillow back.
The bathroom light is blinding at first, but your eyes slowly adjust as you turn on the shower and steam fills the space. Goosebumps spread across your skin as you undress, catching sight of yourself in the mirror. You’ve noticed the subtle changes in your body over these past couple of months, but they’re becoming more noticeable. Your breasts have grown, they’re so sensitive, and your sports bra pulls at the seams. Joel commented on it last week. You joked you were packing on extra weight for winter acting like it was nothing.
Your favorite pair of jeans no longer fit. You’ve mostly stuck to leggings since. You’re starting to clock the subtle changes in your body. They’re happening faster than with your last pregnancy. The past week, you’ve shut Joel down sexually, scared he would catch on despite your sex drive skyrocketing. It’s been difficult.
The shower washes away everything: the sweat and grime of the day, your tears, the tension in your muscles. You stand under the water until it runs cold, slipping on Joel’s worn soft t-shirt.
Your pillow is back on your side of the bed, Joel still on his side. A smile creeps onto your face. He keeps his eyes closed, but you know he’s awake. You don’t say anything as you slide into bed, but your anxiety spikes, your heart fluttering in your chest. You have to tell him.
You’re staring at the ceiling when he breaks the silence. “What happened?”
You suck in a breath. He thinks something went wrong tonight. He’s probably preparing to dig a grave. “Nothing, mom and babies are fine.”
“So it was twins?”
“Yeah.” You had suspected as much, but the ultrasound machine doesn’t work, try as you might to get it operational. You hadn’t been able to find a second heartbeat with the Doppler.
“So what’s buggin you?” His drawl is deeper, soaked with sleep.
He scoots a little closer, hot breath tickling your ear. You can’t move. You should look him in the eye when you tell him, but you can’t. The words are at the back of your throat surging forward toward your lips. The anxiety in your chest feels like a herd of buffalo stomping across the countryside. You squeeze your eyes shut to try and stop it.
“Sweetheart?” His hand reaches toward you, eyes trained on your profile as concern laces his brow.
“I’m pregnant.”
His hand stops over your arm. You feel its warmth so close, and then it goes away. You dare to look at him. You expect him to get out of bed and bolt. You don’t know why. He’s only shown you otherwise the entirety of your relationship, but this is more than either of you signed up for. Instead, you watch as it sinks in. He connects the dots, all the symptoms and signs that were right in front of his face, his subconscious absorbing them, but refusing to put it all together.
“I’m sorry,” you say.
You look back toward the ceiling, tears slipping from your eyes.
His hand covers your abdomen, forehead pressing against your temple. He starts to feel the changes to your body for what they are. You shudder.
“How long have you known?”
There’s not a trace of judgment or fear in his voice, but it does little to assure you. You’re scared. It doesn’t matter what Joel says or does, the fear is overwhelming.
“Beginning of August.”
“Shit, baby.” He pulls you into him, cradling your head against his chest. “You didn’t have to carry this alone.”
“I didn’t think it would last.” After months of holding the tears back, you finally let them out, a mix of relief and fear. “I didn’t- I didn’t want you to-”
You can’t finish it. You can’t say it out loud, but Joel knows what you’re trying to say. You didn’t want him to lose another child, and it wrecks him. His grip on you is crushing, but it soothes your shaking frame. Just as you come down, his sobs greet your ear because he’s scared too. Every single fear and anxiety that has come over you the past months, he feels too. Maria’s labor and delivery flash through his mind. If that happens to you, who’s going to save you?
You reach up to cradle his face. He presses into your neck. Your skin is sticky and salty again, but you don’t even think about it as the man you love and can’t tell cries in your arms. You’re unable to return his soothing squeeze, but you lay there to provide any comfort you can. The two of you fall asleep tangled in each other.
You feel Joel’s fingers dancing across your abdomen before you’re fully conscious. There’s no rhyme or reason to his movements. His other hand brushes over your temple and through your hair. Every once in a while you feel his breath and lips across your neck, up and down your arm, over your collarbone. It feels like he’s memorizing you, fear present in all of his movements even now.
You finally open your eyes. His movements still as you look at him. There are tears in his eyes as his head falls forward, resting against yours. “I’m scared.”
“Me too.” You reach out, nails raking across his arm.
He shudders under your touch. “I wish you told me sooner.”
You bit your lips. “I’m sorry.”
He lets out a deep sigh, kissing your forehead. His hand drifts to your abdomen again. You watch his eyes, so expressive filled with fear and anxiety and maybe a little bit of awe and guilt?
“I should’ve been more careful.”
You press your head to his, inhaling softly. “We.”
Joel’s fingers scrape along your jaw, his beard rough against your chin. “I like being a we.”
“Me too.”
Silence settles between the two of you. The wind knocks against the window, but it’s warm next to Joel. His arm snakes around you, tugging you closer to him.
“I suppose you’ve told Maria?”
You can’t hide the guilty smile on your lips. “If it makes a difference, she told me I needed to tell you right away. Pretty sure she was gonna tell you herself if I didn’t do it soon.” You mess with the collar of his shirt.
“How long do we have?”
“Figure it’ll be May. If we get that far.” You say. Joel nods and something clenches around your heart, a need to protect him, warn him of the danger. “You know there’s a lot of risks. No guarantee…”
“One day at a time.” He kisses your cheek but you see all the fear he’s pushing away plastered to his face like a movie poster.
Joel asks you how you are, but other than that, you don’t talk about it. You feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders but there’s an anvil hanging above your head, waiting to drop at a moment’s notice.
You’ve outgrown your last pair of jeans. When you manage to trade with someone, they give you a look, like they know what’s going on inside your body.
You take more naps, sometimes at the clinic, sometimes on the couch. You’re constantly tired. Maria brings dinner to the house every few days. She never asked, but you don’t complain.
One evening you open your eyes to find Ellie staring down at you, worry etched in her features. It startles you at first.
“You’ve been sleeping a lot lately,” She says.
“You’ve noticed?” You pull yourself into a seated position. It feels like someone shoved a bunch of cotton into your mouth. You reach for the now room-temperature water on your end table.
“You only take naps when you’re sick or depressed.” You raise an eyebrow at her. She crosses her arms as if to say she knows you’re neither right now. “What’s going on?”
You finish off the water. Despite its temperature, it helps. “I’m fine.” You reach out, placing a hand on her shoulder, but it does nothing. At 17 years old, Ellie is turning into a woman before your very eyes. At times, you’re convinced any semblance of childhood has been replaced with adulthood, but there are other times you still see the slivers of the girl you met two and a half years ago. Right now, she’s the one sitting in front of you.
“Bullshit. What’s going on? You and Joel have been acting weird.”
Had things really been that different in the past couple of weeks? You open your mouth to speak, unsure of what to say. You and Joel hadn’t talked about telling anyone, which seemed silly. You can’t hide this forever.
The door opens and Carter bursts in with Joel on his heels. A smile instantly finds your lips.
“Mommy! Look!” He holds up a package of seemingly new Crayola crayons.
Your eyes widen with exaggeration. “Wow, buddy. That’s awesome.”
“John Lacy found a bunch of them on patrol. They handed them out today,” Joel smiles. “Grabbed you some colored pencils.” He hands a set of non-crayola pencils to Ellie.
“Thanks.” She smiles but is still distracted by her worry over you.
Carter crawls up beside you, eagerly pulling out the surprisingly intact crayons one by one. Joel leans over to kiss your cheek and tousles Ellie’s hair. She makes a face of displeasure but doesn’t fight him on it.
“You two look like you were talkin about somethin serious.”
“I was trying to figure out why the two of you have been acting weird,” Ellie says.
Joel’s drops to unreadable. He looks at you and you shrug in response. “We have to tell them eventually.”
Worry makes its home on Ellie’s face. “So something is wrong with you.with you.”
“Nothing is wrong with me.” You sigh deeply. You run your fingers over Carter’s head, kissing it.
“You’re sure acting like there is,” She says impatiently.
“Ellie,” Joel reprimands, traces of his asshole voice laced into it.
Ellie bites her lip. It looks like she might be fighting off tears as she looks directly at you. “I’m worried about you.”
You force a smile, leaning forward. Your forearms rest on your knees. One would think it would get easier to say each time. Instead, it’s like picking at a scab that’s not healed. You’re forcing yourself to say something, your brain isn’t ready to accept. “I’m pregnant.”
Ellie sits up straighter, her eyes widen with shock. “Oh wow…”
You wonder if the pictures fill her mind too. She saw Maria the night Elias was born. She saw the blood that covered you. Joel’s fingers brush over your shoulder, squeezing it lightly before they run over the back of your neck. You lean against him. “I’m sorry we worried you. We’re still getting used to the idea,” You say.
She nods and then her arms around your neck. She basically knocks you backward with the force of it. “I’m glad you’re not dying.”
You squeeze her tightly, a faint lilt of humor in your voice. “Me too.”
Then her voice drops to a whisper right at your ear. “You’ll be okay. I know you will.”
Your head rests on Joel’s bare chest that night. The full moon sends light drifting through your window, casting the room in a cool glow. You play absentmindedly with the hair on his chest. His heart beats under your ear. The room is otherwise silent.
“I told Tommy today.”
You nod.
“He wanted to know why I was so quiet. Told him I was always quiet.”
That pulls a smile across your lips. “Surprised he shut up long enough to notice.”
Joel chuckles. His arm around you tightens. His lips find your forehead. “I know we’re not ready to think too much about it.”
“Don’t think it’s something we can really ignore.” You nuzzle further into him.
“Baby steps.” He kisses your nose this time.
You quirk an eyebrow. “Baby steps? Really?” You flip onto your stomach while you still can.
He chuckles. “Poor word choice.”
You kiss his bicep and then his shoulder. He looks at you like your entire world and your stomach erupts in butterflies and twists in knots all at the same time. You still won’t let him say it, but you feel it every time he looks at you like that.
You rest your chin on his shoulder. “What are these steps you had in mind?”
His thumb traces over your jaw and cheek. “Don’t bolt on me, okay?”
“I think it’s a little late for that.”
He chuckles and then inhales deeply. “I think we should probably share a house. I figured you’d prefer to stay here, but it’s up to you.” He searches your eyes for any signs of panic or signs that you might shut down but finds nothing. In fact, you’re so calm that it’s hard to read.
“It would be nice to have you officially living here,” you say. It feels right to say, to think about. “And Ellie if she wants.”
“That was easier than I’d thought it would be.”
“You pretty much live here as is.” You turn on your side, nuzzling back into him. “I’ll miss your fireplace though.”
Joel smiles. “Guess I'll just have to keep you warm instead.”
#joel miller#the last of us#tlou#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#pedro pascal#joel miller fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#hbo tlou#woman (joel miller)#woman (joel’s version)#woman#pedro stories#pedrostories#ppcu fanfiction#ppcu#pedro pascal characters
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I was reading through the TASEA AU and 1) loved it, and 2) couldn't help but want to throw you the idea I got while reading it.
Small backstory for this: my town has a dance hall that, during certain evenings of the week, hosts a pole dancing class, with anyone welcome to come learn.
And I just imagine Tsuna looking at a flier for such a thing, going "why not" and showing Skull. And just, Skull looking at him and agreeing but not before showing Tsuna the basics so he doesn't hurt himself. Cuz Skull is not, unlike some people, going to throw someone into something without at least giving them a solid base to work with.
Tsuna is then given The Best masterclass to end all masterclasses. Because damn if Skull hasn't preformed and perfected such a skill.
When they do go to that class Skull then proceeds to give a demonstration of the most complicated and brain-breaking dance that's probably been banned in 8 countries. All while in heels. Because if Skull is gonna do something like this, he's gonna do it with style dammit.
And if Oodaku and Natsu record it along with Skull's masterclass, put it on YouTube, and have them go viral within hours, well nobody needs to know.
Until it gets through Spanner's filter, because it's viral and the internet will find a way. But Tsuna and Skull don't know that, because they're having fun.
Skull has never been what most would consider technically book-smart. He knows that, accepts that, doesn't really have a problem with it no matter how others try to shame him for it.
Even the various on-the-fly calculations he had to do for his stun shows were more instinctual than truly formula-based.
He's what the circus folk used to always call body smart.
Which means he's good with his hands and his feet.
Mechanics, gymnastics, driving, fighting, and yeah even dancing.
And oh is it a punch to the gut for Reborn when he sees Skull cutting a rug with Tsuna. Because, look, Reborn is Italian okay?
Seeing Skull, that little smirk on his face, wearing those low-slung pants, skin-tight tank top, and dress shoes absolutely destroying a dance floor with a surprisingly cooperative Tsuna?
It's enough to have him ready to eat his hat
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Things I'd like to know about my fellow writers
Tagged by @marythegizka and @illusivesoul, thank you~
No-pressure tagging @druckkugelschreiber @captastra @dr-paine @poetikat @ruthvelyan
and @arendaes @anderstrevelyan @milesmentis @korblez @saraptor (prompts for copy/pasting below the cut)
Last book I read: Aside from textbooks or science papers, uhhh… a volume in the 86 series. I think. I can't wait for work to calm down in a month so I can read for fun again~
Greatest literary inspiration: Most recently, NK Jemisin's worldbuilding and ability to weave rich tales within those worlds and complex rules. The Broken Earth trilogy really, really appeals to the scientist in me.
Things in my current fandom(s) I want to read but I don't want to write: In Attack on Titan, anything Historia/Ymir but particularly stories where Ymir lives. For Dragon Age, I want happy and cute f/f fluff. (I want to get back to my Anora/f!Cousland pairing, but I just can't seem to keep it fluffy, lol.)
Things in my current fandom(s) I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: ahahaha other than the Levi/Hange/Shion (OC) longfic that's devoured my creative output? Historia/Sasha which still could happen and some of the awkwardness between Neri and Alistair after they reject his advances during Origins.
You can recognize my writing by: Queer characters with self-confidence issues who still strive to handle the responsibilities thrust upon them. Also lots of dialogue.
My most controversial take (current fandom[s]): Hmmmm. AoT-wise, maybe that I headcanon Hange as aceflux? (They're obsessed with Titans and monstrous things in general, but that doesn't have to imply that they're wildly horny for monsters. Or in general.) With respect to Dragon Age, it's not exactly controversial, but I genuinely adore DA2 and all of the companions in it. Yes, all of them.
Top three favourite tropes: These are the three that first came to mind rather than my ultimate favorites, but: 1) kabedon~ (I will include one whenever I possibly can); 2) a character caring for their beloved who's been injured or fallen ill or being the one cared for (bonus points if a love confession hasn't happened yet); 3) grump + sunshine pairings.
What’s your current writing mood? (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): Probably a 3. I had a months-long super productive phase, and then Day Job took over my life. Now I'm lucky to write more than a hundred words a week; this next chapter does not want to cooperate with me.
Share a random frustration: That I get hung up on kudos and comments. Brain, please please please just let me write for the sake of writing.
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Last book I read:
Greatest literary inspiration:
Things in my current fandom(s) I want to read but I don't want to write:
Things in my current fandom(s) I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me:
You can recognize my writing by:
My most controversial take (current fandom[s]):
Top three favourite tropes:
What’s your current writing mood? (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut)
Share a random frustration:
#tag games#tags will likely occur in groups of 5 for the foreseeable future#also I really wanted to respond before I go dark for a few days#so hopefully this flailing from my tired brain makes some sense
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Alrighty, thank you. I'm gonna try to keep it short. I have bpd and am aroace. I recently came to the conclusion I'm greyromantic (took me a long time to figure out because I thought it was because of my bpd). And about 4 months ago I split "because of" my now ex-fiance (we're ldr by the way, had dated for over a year), because she said that I didn't care about her sexual assault, while I had basically been there for her literally 24/7 and have comforted her constantly and had many sleepless nights to help her through her trauma and I care a lot. After 2 months she finally felt a bit better and no longer suicidal. Since she said that and since my split, I thought I might as well drop the bomb and came out to her as greyro. We decided to take a break and broke up 2 weeks ago, and since a bit before that I'm no longer capable of feeling romantic love for her no matter how hard I try or force myself. I'm wondering if this could be related to my bpd or if it's me being greyro? Before she hurt me like that and "made" me split, I felt romantic love for her every other day and now it's just nonexistent. I've read about the romantic moodswings people with bpd can experience and I'm wondering if you might know if that's the case or not? The split (actually, what she said) and the fight still affect me a lot, and my ex told me she felt unloved by me for months, because I haven't been able to show her or feel a lot of love since my split. It just felt wrong and forced. And since 2 weeks before we broke up I didn't feel any love for her at all any more, even though I did want to. I did notice my bpd "symptoms" calmed down a LOT since we broke up. But now I'm not sure if this not feeling any romantic love any more is bpd or me being aroace.
I had already purchased a flight ticket to meet up with her in January, I bought it before the split even happened. We do want to talk about things and go over things but because of my greyro a normal relationship definitely isn't gonna happen any more. Before our break we talked about a possible queerplatonicrelationship, but I want to make sure she gets what she needs out of that and that I actually improve my feelings for her. Right now I'm just hurt all the time, every picture of us together triggers me, I don't even want to think about her any more, it sucks.
Thank you for taking your time to try and help me with this, it means a lot
-🐦
Okay
I think that the sudden lack of romantic love feelings isn't a greyromantic thing, I think it's def an emotional response to what happened (so probably BPD)
I think we say this because of the BPD flare-ups and such calming down a lot after breaking up, that sounds like maybe now that you aren't together anymore, the things that were hurting you stopped, therefore making those BPD responses not needed anymore (deemed by the brain).
I say that cause it's a traumagenic disorder, and it'd make sense that your brain would both kinda cease the love and BPD responses once it perceives the hurt and danger to be over per se.
I think you could heal from this. It'd just take a lot of work and cooperation from both parties, me thinks.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, brain is mush rn. If you want us to try n further elaborate when our brain is less mush we can 👍 i hope things work out ok, you got this OP 💪
-🌸+🪶
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Thanks so much for the tag, @lilolilyr! This is a really interesting one 😀
I just wish I knew how to do the fancy little title links to everything I’m talking about…
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
A tiny amount in comparison to many, but I’m proud of my 32 works! Considering I’ve had a couple of huge gaps in writing and posting, I’m happy I even got past thirty!
2. What’s your total ao3 word count?
233,653
93.7k in 2018
91.2k in 2019
0 in 2020 Yup, one of those writing gaps was massive!
23.2k in 2021
22.5k in 2022
2834 in 2023 I had to drag those words out as @lilolilyr knows too well, with all my whinging!
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Just Berena. I can’t imagine finding the voice inside my head for any other 🤷🏻♀️
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Fight For - 968
You gotta rub me the right way! - 625
Murder on the streets of Holby - 611
Running Away (together) - 470
There’s The Rub - 233
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Absolutely yes. When my stupid brain wanted nothing to do with fic in 2020, one of the things I felt bad about was all the unanswered comments. I like to acknowledge anyone who has taken the time to not only read what I’ve written, but also been kind enough to comment. I know it gets said a lot, but even an emoji left on a chapter or one shot genuinely makes my day! I used to get horribly hung up on comments and kudos, and would get a bit upset if something I posted didn’t get much attention. After my break in posting I became far more chilled about it. I primarily write things that I want to read, so as long as I’m happy with a fic, that’s all that matters. Comments and kudos are just icing on the AO3 cake.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don’t do unresolved angst! The closest I’ve come is ‘Parting is such sweet sorrow’ because it was for Berena Appreciation Week 2018, and the prompt was angst. It was my take on Serena, in Nairobi, receiving the call from Hanssen, asking her to return to Holby. In my mind, we knew it didn’t spell the end of her relationship with Bernie, so the sad and mildly angsty ending didn’t count.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Everything? 😆
Seriously though, probably ‘Running Away (together)’ because it ended up being the start of the series that saw Serena and Bernie getting married and properly settling down together.
8. Do you get hate on fic?
I think I had one fic get a couple of 💩 comments, but that was when there was a period where there was a contingent of Serena haters who just had to make themselves known. If I recall correctly, I basically replied telling them to fuck off (in the hope they’d used a legit email address and would see my responses!) then deleted the comments…
9. Do you write smut?
I have done. I find it very, very difficult though, and essentially used my first venture into smut as a template for the second and third. It does NOT come easily (ahem!)
10. Do you write crossovers?
Nope. Again, I can’t imagine feeling like I could ‘hear’ any other characters well enough.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I’m aware of. I can’t imagine anything I’ve written would be a big enough target for anyone to bother.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
Berena, obvs!
I’m also reading a LOT of Rizzles these days.
Way, way back in the mists of time, I read a lot of Bad Girls. Also some Willow/Tara and 7/Janeway.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?
My desert island fic - ‘Bernie Wolfe-Born Survivor’ I desperately want it written, but can’t imagine my brain cooperating, sadly. It would need to be a multi-chapter, and I struggled hard enough to squeeze 2834 words out of my brain this year!
16. What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue, I think. My ladies do love to talk! Quite a few people also seem to comment on the humour in my fics, so that as well I guess.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Smut.
Plus just writing anything at all these days. 😕
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Erm… as in including lines in a different language to the main body of the story? It can be frustrating, but if you’re on AO3 and using Chrome (yes, yes I know!) you can just highlight the text and get it translated easily enough. Not so much on FFnet of course…
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Posted - Berena are my one and only, my OTP…
However, I did dip my toe, many years ago, into trying to write a Bad Girls fic. I didn’t get far at all before it stalled. It only took me nearly twenty years to try again!
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
I honestly like everything I’ve written. I wouldn’t have posted it otherwise!
I think I’m most proud of good old Dead Ed (aka Murder on the streets of Holby) though. As well as being my longest, it also has the most complex storyline and took a fair amount of planning out. From someone who very much winged most things up until that point, it was a bit daunting. Plus the worry that people might find the reveal of the murderer disappointing was a bit stressful, I must admit!
Blanks to copy:
1. How many works do you have on ao3? 2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 3. What fandoms do you write for? 4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 8. Do you get hate on fic? 9. Do you write smut? 10. Do you write crossovers? 11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? 16. What are your writing strengths? 17. What are your writing weaknesses? 18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 19. First fandom you wrote for? 20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
I’m not going to tag anyone, but I do recommend anyone who writes and has the time, to do it… it’s fun looking at the stats and thinking about all things fic related!
Thanks again for the tag, @lilolilyr, I really did enjoy this 😁
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About how much time a day, or a week do you spend on writing your fic?
Cause I've been reading fics for years, but haven't started writing until relatively recently. I always knew in the back of my head that it took time to write and come up with the stories, but until recently I hadn't even begun to actually understand the time and energy it actually takes to write a fic. both short and long ones.
Now that I've started to think more about it, it would probably benefit fandom spaces a lot to more widely aknowledge the time it takes. It could probably help with the consumeconsumeconsume mindset of fancreations that I know that I've had, and that are present in a lot of fandoms, especially bigger ones
100% that last part, yeah.
See, for me it's even more complicated because not only am I squeezing writing between irl obligations like class, homework, work, family dinner, sleep, etc.
But I also have ADHD, so I'm battling my attention span and the temptations of my hyperfixations, as well as keeping up with my friends, fandom spaces, etc. I don't want to neglect any of those.
But focus is very difficult when I don't have absolutely nothing going on, which means I often need to shut everything completely out (which can take a lot of self control). I'll vanish on my friends and social media for hours, but still pause here and there to catch up on what I've missed for a short while before returning to writing because I HATE falling deep out of the loop and having a lot to catch up on is overwhelming. On top of that, how easily words are flowing and such also impacts how much or how long I write.
So I don't know if I have a simple or precise answer as to how long. But nonetheless, it's HOURS.
So far, for the 4 chapters that are published, I've sat down multiple days in a row OR every other day if I have time-consuming irl obligations, and written as much as I could before something depleted my motivation or I reached a good stopping point. Lately that's amounted to 1-5 paragraphs depending on the scene I'm at.
If it's something my plot plan has left more open-ended, it can take hours for me to work out how exactly I want to get to the next plot point. The Ch 3 Pissa date and stretching out the Ch 4 Eggza day was MISERABLE /lh because it was super open-ended since I wanted to give myself room to improvise, I don't like rigidly over-planning things bc a lot of the fun in writing is filling blanks between points. I get some AWESOME ideas in the moment thar aren't initially planned in my plot. For example, the foreshadowing I included in the Ch 2 nightmare where he hears Missa scream? If you check my post of my plan after I published the chapter, I pulled that out of my ass. It was originally just supposed to be a nightmare where he could hear Fit, Etoiles & Missa yelling to each other. I never planned for him to hear what's implied to be Missa injured.
But even though improvising is important (and required at some points of AMFMN), it's kinda hard to sit down and think of what to do with those parts when your hyperfixation streamer streams 3 days a week and on the days he doesn't, you have class + other things to do + other streams you refuse to miss + friends + etc etc etc and therefore you don't have a perfect distraction-free time to just go ham.
It takes a lot of self-discipline and control to not engage with stuff so I can focus on writing. And even still, depending on how cooperative my brain is that day, that can still be hours of writing.
Generally I try to chip away at least 3 paragraphs or get from one plot point to the next per day until the chapter is finished.
So TLDR; I spend hours a day, which totals to even more hours a week, working on a chapter.
It's equal parts because I get in the zone with writing and smash out a huge amount of the plot points planned for the chapter, OR I'm struggling with flow/attention span/a bunch of other things.
Due to my schedule, Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays are usually the best days for me to write. But even still, I have class Tuesday until close to noon, possibly other streams (curse you Sneeg and Fit /lh), work every other Saturday, family daily routine things like dinner, and the occasional plans with irl friends.
So uh. I do be battling the horrors sometimes to get chapters out. But now that Phil is finally possessed, I have a feeling I'll be breezing through things easier. I know a lot of what's happening next and I'm a whore for the drama. :3c
You have NO IDEA how much watching people scream and lose their minds over crumbs and currently published chapters motivates me. I'm so fucking excited for late game fic. Like Chapter 9 onwards. Ohohohough
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Tag nine (9) people you’d like to know better
Thank you for the tag @alexxxaloy
Oh dear Lord I kind of suck at this, but…
a bit more about me...
Last song:
I'm listening to a looping playlist with Lord of the Lost and Within Temptation, but the last song was "One Last Song" by Lord of the Lost.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=wLznWvBny8Y&feature=share
Currently watching:
I don't watch a lot of shows, mostly I read, listen to music and the news, and read som more... it's kind of in my "name" 😅
When I watch anything , it is mostly YouTube, currently my favorites are Rachel Maksy, Morgan Donner and listening to old Citation Needed episodes by The Technical Difficulties (Tom Scott and 3 friends)
Current obsession:
Horizon zero dawn❤️ and Horizon forbidden west ❤️(I might have a problem....)
- I got the Horizon Zero Dawn coloring book and the Horizon Forbidden West art book 2 weeks ago (already had HZD artbook and the comics, whant more!) Oh, I also own a lot of @godliath digital Ereloy stuff
- I've started making 3 horizon (sort of) original cosplays/costumes (Banuk villager, Oseram brewer and Nora hunter) but I don't plan on them being finished until september 2024. I just need my body to work and get some energy again.. (breathing without pain would be nice, freaking asthma)
- Replaying HZD with Frozen Wild, I "gotta catch them all" to every thing including all the datapoints (so close now!) I started doing the same with HFW before Burning Shores, but somehow I lost a powercell in the base and a crate in a ruin so I need to start over😓
- Re-reading every thing Ereloy (my favorit ship with my favorit boy Erend 🥰) on AO3 + a few more in the Horizon 'vers
- Just startede with a few drawings to test ideas for a second Ereloy painting (still need get back that energy, long covid sucks big time🤬)
Currently reading:
I read a lot, like when my body hurts too much, when my brain needs a break, when I'm bored, sometimes when I work and Ialso read for fun.. On average 3 hours (or more) a day, often 300+ pages in a day and multiple books at the same time, and before I found AO3 that meant 500 or more books in a year.
So just now on AO3 I'm reading
The Moth and Horizon au Twin Flames 🥰
On my kindle I just finished two of the books here today, and I am currently reading a few others
Anne Bishops - Crowbones
Anna Hackett - Hex
Lisa Edmonds - Mortal Heart
Vanessa Nelson - Hunted
Ilona Andrews - Magic Claims
Also, a few actual books, like I can hold them in my hand😮
Horizon Forbidden West Art book
William C. Diet - For Those Who Fell
Glen Cooper- De dødes bibliotek
Håvard Dahl Bratrein - Høvding, jarl, konge
I think that is it from me for now 🤷🏼♀️
If you have'nt already and feel like it (nine is a lot🙃) it would be fun to know more about you
@theyloy @mari-mary @felrend @xxxhellfireravenxxx @austenmarie @littlelionpaw @yogrossdude @souls-that-have-senses @nerd-artist
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Do you have any fics in the works? Tell us about them!
Looking forward to any other writer's upcoming fics? Tell us about them too!
🤦🏻♀️ yep. My WIP folder has over seventy ideas/fics/pieces of series/and tons of pic prompts. I've had weeks of writer's block with only an occasional flicker of inspiration 😑
I'm trying to finish up some of those but my brain is not cooperating. The headaches aren't helping either 🤦🏻♀️
Fics/series in the works:
Two Thomas Hunt x OC*Amanda series called Worth the Wait and Stepping Forward. Both are angsty so far 🤷🏻♀️ but if I can ever get the wording right it will have happy endings 🤣 I'm also attempting to continue my Regency Era RCD AU series, None But You, in the process.
A few Thomas Hunt drabbles also are mixed in that folder 😂
A TRR Olivia series where Liam abdicates to be with Riley thus making our favorite duchess the Queen of Cordonia.
Part two to L-O-V-E
Requests for Liam x Riley and Maxwell Beaumont x OC*Sherry Alcantar that I promise I'm working on. And a couple for my While We're Young AU of characters that were requested months ago. Yes, there will be more glimpses into a couple of princes and their particular ladies and Jackson x Nicky.
An Open Hearts series called Mixed Signals (my first ever 😂) with my F!MC. Chris deals with feelings for Tobias, Ethan, and Bryce. It would start after the attack in Book 2. Though honestly I'm thinking of scrapping all of it to just write the actual storyline I've had in my mind with all the Tobias Carrick x Chris Valentine drabbles I'm working on 🤦🏻♀️ Definitely a happier storyline for those two, LOL!
A Perfect Match drabble with Damien and Nadia.
And my first ever Laws of Attraction drabble for my M!MC x Aislinn Tanaka 🤞 Hopefully it will turn out okay. I got inspired when I decided to restart the series and go a Male MC route 😂
And as always, I'm behind on reading fics from everyone I follow. Life keeps getting in the way of me being able to binge and when I do find time to open Tumblr up, I try and focus on that blasted Drafts folder.
#choices trr#choices rcd#choices open heart#choices perfect match#choices laws of attraction#thomas hunt x amanda#liam x riley#olivia nevarkis#oh ethan ramsey#tobias carrick x f!mc#open heart bryce#damien nazario#nadia park#M!MC x Aislinn Tanaka
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For the weird questions for writers ask game: 1, 8, 10, 25, 32. Thank you <3
I got this just before my month went to hell last month, finally getting to these actual asks. (Original post)
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
Default setting. I don't care. I used to do Times New Roman because that was the default on Microsoft Works (not even Word lmao) in the mid 2000s. Nowadays it's Arial on Google Docs (I understand Helvetica is superior, but... yeah IDC. I'm not that much of a typography snob). I will switch it to a sans serif font these days if the default is a serif like Times New Roman though, for long stories.
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
I mean, I've sort of done this before in the form of a journal entry. I'd do the same thing - go for first person, journal entry, introspective style. That, or like, an aftermath of a scene where a character is, again, introspective. So basically just sitting and thinking. This was sort of the first half of one of my first fics in the fandom, actually.
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
It's only ever haunted me in the fact that I want to get it done and my brain's not cooperating due to RL being too busy. It also means I've had to change my approach to writing the last month (which has been itty bitty bits of pieces once every two weeks as opposed to 1-2 hours of just dedicated time 3+ times a week). At the moment my "magnum opus" fics are haunting me in my fear of never seeing them completed lol. I abandoned what was gonna be my magnum opus in the LOTR fandom a bit over 10 years ago now, and I'm hoping it won't be the same with the MCU. We'll see!
25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?
I mean, the details I know about Stephen are stupid. xD When it comes to my OCs, I usually do a little bit more fleshing out of them even if all those details don't necessarily make it out on paper, like some family backstory. I'd say the most unnecessary details I have are all around world-building, especially around history and geography about an area. I usually do significantly more research into the geography of an area than is actually needed.
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
My favorite quote is from Tolkien, which is this line of dialogue: "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." I think it's quite poignant and I've always loved the (perhaps romanticized) idea of the truest of friends/family/partners sticking together through the hardest of times.
Thanks love. <3
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July 2023 Wrapup!
Do you know that the majority of people who read my blog are in fact, super great and cool? It’s true, I have the analytics. No, you can’t see them. Why would you want to? Don’t you trust me? I’m very trustworthy and can be relied upon to have normal thoughts in my normal brain. I had it certified.
Anyway, it’s the end of a month, and I think it’d be good if you checked through this list of links and suggestions and see if there’s cool content on this blog you’d care about that you missed!
This month’s game piles were a video explaining the Ur-Quan Heresies, which was – effectively – a rebundling of an older article I wrote, and I wanted it to be more available for non-readers. Then, Fox and I talked about Bloc By Bloc, an excellent cooperative game about opposing fascist occupation by a mysterious fantasy faction called ‘the police.’ I talked about Small World too, which I liked a lot, as both a game that’s a lot of fun and a game that connects me to a beloved friend, with its fun experience of being an ideology. Then I talked about Unblock Gridlock, ASMR, and history of puzzle development.
For the Story Pile this month, I dedicated each week to one season of the series Person Of Interest (season 1, 2, 3, 4, 5). I liked it! It’s a cool show! I thought it was interesting and it made me ask interesting questions! Also the way that I watched it during the choking, convulsing torment of the Large Language Model discourse happening, that was kinda weird. And one of the guys central to it, Jim CaVEIIEZEL, is a big ole poop head and he just recently put out a movie that sucks about an idea that sucks because he’s a big ole Qanon weirdo! That sucks!
This month’s other articles have included an ongoing diary working on Bloodwork (and I kinda got more to go on that). I talked about some real life changes, like watching more anime and getting a library card and having the language I use being clearly weird and awful. I also put a lot of work into talking about making things, and put some of that into practice even if uh, it was a bit rough to write!
I also talked about Worldbuilding in D&D a lot! I talked about the way that currency is a byproduct of organisation and technology. I talked about the city of Torrent, and its lightning muscle wizard monks! I talked about how people get started playing games, and I talked about how inadequate critical hits are as a mechanic for my preferences!
Also, I really hate Lord of the Rings in Magic: The Gathering. So avowed a hashtag hater am I that I’ve stopped watching Magic content entirely while I wait for the deforming cards from it to go away, which I really, really hope they do! Stupid bowmasters!
It doesn’t really fit anywhere in this, but I also busted open Camp Osum and got to work on fixing a mistake in its prototype. This means between Camp Osum, the Sonic Runner game, and Goncharov I have managed to conceive of about five games this month.
This month I did two shirt designs – this one because I knew I needed it for class teaching (and hopefully it’ll arrive in time for the semester’s end), but also because I saw a post on tumblr joking about it:
You can get this design here.
It has been a complicated month.
Remember that library card? I got it to try and borrow an ebook of Baru Cormorant because a friend likes that book series more than she likes The Locked Tomb. I figured that’d be a great place to go for that kinda thing. Turns out, while yes, okay, yes, the library has probably got those books, they have the physical books, which is… funny, and embarrassing to realise I didn’t consider that I might have to like, go look at them.
We have a bike. We have a bike that sits in our garage and if I can muster the courage I can get onto that bike and ride it a little down the road to the library. Hell, I could walk to the library! And then I’d be able to have those books to read. I wouldn’t be able to attest to finishing those books in time, of course. In time for what? I don’t know. Brain not work good.
New semester starts in a few days! That’s going to be exciting because it’s going to be able to do a lot of things I don’t normally get to do. I’ll have someone I can defer some work to! We even have lesson plans of structured material to engage with, it’s going to be so fun (That’s also what I’ve been doing these past few days, which is trying to digest lesson plans and make my slides)!
I’ve also been struggling really hard with work. I’m trying, trying, trying to do things, but I feel like I have this deep failure happening, like somehow I’m, not good enough and I’m not doing a good enough job. I promise this isn’t a crisis brought on by my age or by reading a book I liked. Nothing I feel should be seen as an attack on anything that prompted the feeling! It’s just a lot of reflection and personal distress about feeling like I’m always working and that work isn’t good enough.
There are all these things in my day to day life that I feel like I’m somehow just messing up with it on the most fundamental level. Like if I make dinner and clean up there’s going to be something afterwards I forgot to do right so that’s what’s going to stand out, that’s the thing I failed at rather than one small detail out of a large list of successful tasks. I’m very… failure sensitive? I guess? And it’s making me a bit lairy, I think. I want to vent about things that are doing a bad job of what they do, but there’s that ongoing feeling that if I’m too mean to a videogame I’m going to make someone cry.
Anyway, I think I can get a handle on it!
Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!
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TW for mention of suicide (not mine), depression, anxiety, work stress
I’m not in a good place right now. Haven’t been for a while. I quit a toxic job way too late last year - by the time I quit I was probably only a few weeks away from having some sort of mental breakdown. I had already broken down in tears on a call with my therapist about work, and I just. Couldn’t deal with it anymore. And I had a lot of savings, so I quit without having another job lined up.
That was in July of last year, and I still don’t have a job yet. Mostly because my anxiety is so damn high that I’ve only been anle to force myself to apply for two fucking jobs in that whole time 😞 Every time I start trying to do more than that I feel this wave of pure dread wash over me, and this mental wall slams down and is like “nope, we’re not going to think about that.” And I just. Pivot and frantically try to find something else to focus on because I’m anxious while looking for jobs but also obviously anxious about NOT looking for jobs, and I just. can’t catch a breath.
To make matters worse, I am SO damn lonely. My anxiety and depression has definitely been part of the reason I stopped going out and doing things lately, but I am also just so damn sick and tired of doing things by myself. I used to enjoy it, I went to so many things alone. Concerts, open mics, movies, cultural festivals, pickup volleyball leagues, you name it, and I had fun!
But now I’ve been doing that for so long that it’s kind of lost its appeal, like. I just wish one of my friends shared my interests 😞 None of them want to pay $100 and drive an hour to go see an Italian pianist or a Norwegian acappella trio or a Korean band, or go see a Japanese musical, or a Korean drum performance, or even just go out for fucking sushi. I love my friends/family to death but our interests are so different that sometimes I just want to scream because I want so badly for someone to enjoy the things I like with me. I went to see the Spirited Away live stage musical last night and I literally had to drag myself out of bed mentally kicking and screaming even though I had at one point been super excited to see it and it was only 15 mins away AND I’d had the ticket reserved for weeks. Like I could FEEL my brain screaming at me and this is not normal, I like this kind of stuff! Why are you doing that!
Between the job search and the loneliness and the upcoming eviction, I’m always scared and anxious these days. My chest is constantly tight and I can feel my mind casting around for things to think about that don’t make it worse. Thankfully none of my vices are particularly self-destructive (like I do not drink or use any drugs), because my self-control is basically nonexistent right now and I just KNOW doing any of that would end in disaster.
And I’m not suicidal either, like oddly enough that’s one of the most frustrating parts of this whole thing, like I don’t want to die, I want to live! I’m finally at a point in my life where I know who I am and what I enjoy and what kind of people I want to surround myself with, but my brain isn’t cooperating so all of that feels like it’s just out of my reach. I want to live, and this stupid anxiety and depression combo is preventing that.
Also my lease is up in June and I need to find a new apartment, but I can’t do that until I have a job offer letter in hand, but I can’t get one of those because I have only applied for 2 jobs in the whole 7 months I’ve been unemployed because my anxiety is so bad.
One of the kpop guys I liked died by suicide last week as well. I know I didn’t know him, but he played a gay character in a kdrama (back before kBLs took off so he was one of the only ones doing it at the time), and I’ve followed his career ever since. His death hit me harder than I expected it to. I probably shouldn’t be surprised because my emotions are running so high right now, but I cried multiple times about his death. One of my friends put it well, he said that one of the bits of light in my life was extinguished and it makes sense I’d feel sad about it. Plus I’ve always felt very deeply. I really enjoy the music and people of kpop but I’m so fucking sick of the kpop industry itself and how it treats the people in it.
Anyway. I just don’t know what to do at this point. I might have to move in with my sister and put all my belongings in storage, but like. I don’t have the money to pay for a moving company anymore, and I feel like even if my family helps, the process of moving on TOP of everything I’m already feeling?? That might be the thing that breaks me. And I don’t know what that looks like.
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Hi! I love your blog! So hard to find a non con writers! Ignore the haters, just keep doing what you love! You’re not alone!
So happy to see your request open! I’d like to request a NON CON where Mafia JK fell in love at first sight with innocent reader and bought her in an auction. He is obsessed with her so he marries her and deflowered her, stuffing his thick manhood in her and. JK has a bloodplay kink. He wouldn’t stop fucking her until she passed out everyday. Milking her dry from orgasms. Thank you 💜
-> Thank you for the reassurance❣️
⚠️: BLOOD PLAY, NON CON, human trafficking, virgin reader, physical, mental & emotional abuse, little/innocent!reader, ddlg-ish, manipulation
“Get the hell up, you have to get ready.”
The man kicked you in your stomach and grabbed your arm, pulling you upstairs to the bathroom
“Wear this dress and fix up your face.”
He left the bathroom and you quickly jumped into the shower
Today was the “big day”
You were being auctioned off
Obviously, you were terrified and nervous
However, your current “owners” said that if someone doesn’t buy you today, they’ll make your life a living hell
They were hungry for money and if no one wanted you, you would’ve been a big waste of their money, time and energy
Well, not really — they just needed to blame someone for their lack of success
Plus, you’re the first person that they’re selling
They kidnapped you when you were walking home from the train station
You didn’t have much family nor friends which kinda made you the perfect target
You cooperated with your two “owners” because you didn’t want to get hurt
Yet, it still happened anyways
They’d often kick you, or slap you, or pull your hair
Nevertheless, you didn’t complain because you wanted to stay out of trouble
When you finished getting ready, your “owners” tied your arms and legs together and threw you into the trunk
The auction event was big
You could tell that you this event had plenty of rich and powerful people just by looking at all the cars
Your owners took you inside through the back door and told you to fix your hair
Once you did, they dragged you behind the stage and made you wait there for nearly 3 hours
There were other girls lined up in front and behind you, half looking terrified and half looking excited
In those three hours you overheard some girls talking about a certain man they wished to be bought by
Those were the girls who were “excited”
They were talking about how they went “all out” to impress him
You tend to not judge people but, you couldn’t help yourself
Who the fuck wants to be sold to anyone?
You couldn’t wrap your head around their thought process
They were practically gushing about this mafia guy who was supposedly young and handsome
Even if he was, why the hell would you want to be someone else’s property?
You muted their voices so you didn’t have to hear their nonsense and soon enough the auction started
One by one, girls and boys went up on stage and the bidding started
You were surprised because some of those girls got sold for only a couple hundred bucks
When it was your turn, your owners basically dragged you on stage and held you wrist as tight as they could so you couldn’t run
“A young, ripe, virgin finishing up university. Starting bid, $50,000.”
One by one, people raised their auction paddles and offered more for you
Your owners went wide eyed after the bids started increasing by $10,000
You eventually passed 1 million and were near 2 million
Random old men were raising their paddles higher and higher, determined to buy you
Eventually one of them had enough and said “5 million dollars!”
The room went silent and your owners were about to say “sold!” when someone interrupted and said “10 million dollars”
Even your mouth dropped
10 million?!
The man stood up and walked closer to the stage
Your two owners recognized him and started bowing multiple times
“S-She’s all yours, Mr. Jeon! Thank you so much. Please take her.”
This was the first time you saw the two males scared and nervous
And it kinda frightened you
It took a lot to scare those two but, this guy did it effortlessly
So, what in the world would happen to you?
You got dragged off stage again and the auction continued
You were dragged into a private room where the man who had just bought you gave the two men 10 million in cash
7 brief cases stacked on top of each other, full of hundreds
The two males happily accepted and let you go with the man
He didn’t want to stick around for the event so, he pulled you out of the building and pushed you into the car
“Anders, drive us home.”
The car ride was silent in the beginning
You’re eyes were glued on the window and his were glued on his phone
About an hour later, you fell asleep against the window and he noticed
He slapped you across the face and pulled you’re body away from the door
“What’re you sleeping for? You did absolutely nothing today. Do you think you’re some kind of princess? Do you think can sleep wherever you want whenever you want? Keep your eyes open. If I catch you sleeping again, I’ll make you regret it.”
Tears gathered in your eyes and you couldn’t hold it in
You started to sniffle, making Jungkook look over at you
“Shut up! If I hear you cry, I’ll force you to walk all the way home, barefoot”
You covered your mouth with your hand and lowered your head
After taking a moment to breathe normally, you apologized
“I’m sorry, Mr. Jeon. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
Jungkook raised his eyebrows
“How do you know my last name?”
“I heard my owners call you by that na-”
Another smack on your cheek, this time a little harder
“How dare you call them your owners?!”
Your eyes held so much terror, and it was a turn on for Jungkook
That was the moment he realized how much control he had over you
You were so naive and innocent, it made him want to ruin you
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Jeon! I didn’t realize! It was an honest mistake.”
“Just wait until we get home” he muttered under his breath but you were able to make it out
You were terrified and rightfully so
Once you got home, Jungkook didn’t have any mercy on you
You were running from him, not knowing where you were going
You ran upstairs into a large bedroom and locked the door
“Please, don’t hurt me!” You cried, clutching onto the top of your dress that he ripped apart
You thought he was on the other side of the door, calming down but the closet door busted open and there he was
You tried to open the room door but he was faster and pulled you back onto the bed
“Already causing so much trouble for me, little one.”
He hovered over you
“I’m sorry. I’m scared. Please, don’t kill me.”
You started to cry under him
You looked so precious, begging for your life
He couldn’t resist
He took off his suit and ripped your dress open
Underneath, you were wearing a red and black lace lingerie
He let out a low growl before attacking your neck and marking you all over
“Wait! Sir! Please! Mr- agh! Mr- Mr. Jeon! No! I’ll give you money! Please! I can give you all the money in my bank account if you just let me go! $59,000 is all I have! I can-”
Jungkook started to chuckle against your neck
“59,000 dollars? That’s all? You expect me to set you free after you give me 59,000 dollars?”
He laughed right in your face which broke your heart
It was your hard earned money
You hated to see someone discredit your hard work just like that
You frowned and got tearful
“It’s all the money I have.”
You said in a quavering voice
Jungkook looked at you
You were dead serious
“I bought you for 10 million dollars and you want me to set you free for $59,000. Anyone with a brain would deny that offer.”
He slapped you again and continued on
Jungkook sucked your neck, breast and chest; leaving dark, purple marks all over
“Wait! Mr. Jeon, I-I’m actually waiting till m-marriage.”
“That doesn’t matter, anymore. You’ll be getting married to me, anyways.”
“No! Please!”
Jungkook pulled down your underwear and rubbed two fingers up your slit, making you shiver
“So pretty. I can’t wait anymore.”
He pulled out his thick shaft and you started to panic
“No! No, no, please! I don’t want this! I don’t want to do this, please!”
He spat on your opening for some lub and pushed his whole length in harshly
You groaned in pain when he did but couldn’t fight back
Your hands were against his chest but, pushing him off wasn’t easy
He started thrusting inside of you at a cruel speed, causing you gasp really loudly before wailing
“Hey! Stop! Please! It hurts!”
Jungkook pinned your wrist next to your head and fucked you deeply
After hours of fucking, cum and blood covered his cock and the bedsheet
He smeared the blood and cum mix all over your body
“Look at you, covered in your virgin blood mixed with my cum. You look so pretty.”
You were mumbling incoherent words, unable to think straight
He forced three orgasms out of you, of course you weren’t able to think straight
Sweat covered your forehead and your tight hole was leaking cum and blood
He pushed in one more time and began fucking you hard
You were squealing under him, telling him to stop yet he slapped your ass and grabbed your throat
“Your cunt seems to love my cock. That’s why you’re cumming so much around me. So stop telling me that it hurts because I know it’s a lie.”
One more deep push and you both came together
He laid down next to you and pulled you onto his chest
“Next week, you’ll officially be mine.”
You weren’t listening
Because you were passed out
It was your first time and he had made you cum at least 17 times
It would be surprising if you didn’t pass out
Jungkook didn’t lie when he said that you’ll be his in the next week
He made one phone call and whoever was on the end of the line planned a huge wedding in a week
You woke up one day and were forced into a white gown
Once you put the pieces together, you had a panic attack
You were getting married to this man you’ve only known for a week
You were being so uncooperative to the point where Jungkook had to come to you and set you straight
He quickly fucked you back into submission and made you get ready for your wedding
After your wedding, loads of fucking
You guys didn’t even show up to your reception party because Jungkook could not stop fucking you
And it continued like this for a very long time
You weren’t sure how you were still producing cum
Every morning, every night, sometimes in the middle of the day, he wants to have sex
It’s not like he’s slow or gentle either— he’s aggressive in bed, it’s tough to handle him
You usually end up passing out and even that doesn’t stop him
The next morning you wake up tired and sore however, he wakes up needy and wanting more
Sometimes he’ll fuck you hard enough to make you pass out right in the morning
Even when he comes back from a mission, he still has the energy to fuck you
You just don’t understand
For weeks, you can’t walk straight because of him
And it hurts to put any sort of pressure on your lower abdomen
Despite all of that, you still love him
After all the manipulation and brain washing he’s done to you, he’s convinced you that you’re in love with him
And that you won’t survive without him
You’ve been craving for love and attention for your whole life and Jungkook was finally giving some
Why would you want the person who makes you feel loved and appreciated gone from your life?
Jungkook used guilt tripping to make you stay with him
Not to mention, taking advantage of your toxic past
Stockholm syndrome ending for the win 🥇
Sorry for any mistakes!! Have a good day<3
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Today...was a day.
Twins didn’t sleep well (George likes to party from 2-5 am) and were a mess this morning. I let them sleep in (mistake) so George would cooperate for therapy. So then of course they didn’t nap this afternoon. George NEEDS naps but Gen keeps him up and it’s a problem.
So then I decided it was time to move Gen to Lyssa’s room. So much no. First, George screamed and screamed and screamed. Second, Gen wouldn’t stay in her crib. At all. It was party time. So I moved her crib back to the twins’ room and the twins both fell asleep instantly. Poor Alyssa was so excited that she had a big cry about having to sleep all alone. I hate that for her. She tells me all the time that it’s not fair that I have Abba and Gen and George have each other and she has no one. Maybe I’ll move all 3 into the same room in MA. But then George will wake everyone up. Maybe he’ll grow out of it, I think it’s due to a developmental leap anyway.
George’s therapy today. So much to unpack. First, it was this therapist’s last session (her baby is coming sooner than expected). I’m bummed because she was one of the good ones.
Second, we realized today that George is a Gestalt learner. For the past couple weeks we’ve noticed that he is picking up parts of words and stringing them together into sentences. Basically, he’s copying my sentences to communicate. But because my sentences are longer and he doesn’t have the skills to replicate them exactly, he’s just repeating certain syllables.
From today’s research it seems like natural language processing is more bottom-up and Gestalt processing is more top-down. I guess they learn language all together before creating their own unique sentences.
The part where I’m stuck is 4 months ago he was saying 8 words correctly (more, bite, eat, cheese, please, tickle, help, mama). Then those words disappeared. And then nothing for months. And then out of nowhere he started to mimic words and sounds and music constantly.
Anyway.
Speech therapist says I talk too fast (do I? I’m self conscious now) and that I need to talk slowly and with spaces in between words. She wants me to only use basic language while speaking with him “let’s go read” instead of “let’s go to your room to pick out a book to read.” Which is definitely the opposite of what I’ve been doing because I had assumed the more language the better.
I need other moms who have experience with this stuff. I’m sure there are Facebook groups.
There’s more to unpack from his session today but my brain hurts and I need to go research everything we discussed. And clean the disaster that is currently my house..
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got any predictions or wants for next chapter?
for once I actually do have a few! I mean, the last time we saw Kacchan was like... 15? chapters ago?? so needless to say, I've had a lot of time to think about this lol. I was hoping to be able to make a more organized post about this, but I gave my thoughts almost two whole weeks' worth of time to become Organized Thoughts, and they still refused to cooperate. so I guess I'll have to make do with these Scattered Bullet Point Thoughts instead.
Prediction #1: the Deku Retrieval Squad will consist of the following characters:
Kacchan
Shouto
Ochako
Iida
Shinsou
all of the above are characters whom Deku has directly inspired in some way. which is important because it gives us a lot to work with in terms of the characters throwing meaningful callback quotes in Deku's direction (never underestimate the power of a good meaningful callback quote). and also Shinsou is there even though he ~technically~ doesn't have a provisional license yet (but I mean, the HPSC basically doesn't exist anymore lol, so even if someone was going to narc on him WHERE WOULD THEY GO), because we haven't gotten to see him in action in a real mission yet, and I want to. and also because,
Prediction #2: the minute Depressed Nomad Deku tries to start some shit with Kacchan and the others and/or tries to run away, Shinsou can and will put his ass down for a much-needed nap lol. this way we can get the inevitable DvK3 as a proper rematch, with both of them decently rested up. also the Vestiges won't do shit this time because they're on Shinsou's side lol. sucks to be you Deku.
Prediction #3: not sure whether this will happen before or after DvK3, but I'm hoping that Mei has made a brand new costume for Deku, which the kids have brought to give to him. Give Deku A Shower And A Change Of Clothes 2021.
Prediction #4: this one I'm not completely sure about, but I've been thinking a lot about the fact that they're meeting up in Kamino of all places. and it occurred to me that we have just been assuming that the inevitable DvK3 would also take place at Ground Beta, because that's where the previous fights took place. except that's actually overlooking something important -- namely, the reason why DvK2 took place at Ground Beta. and that was because Ground Beta was where Kacchan lost to Deku for the very first time. him bringing Deku back to fight there was symbolic of him having never truly gotten over that first loss, and all of his subsequent "losses." in a way he had never moved past Ground Beta. never really left there. and so of course that's where he wanted to have his therapy fight.
and so, given that DvK3 will be Deku's therapy fight, it occurs to me that Kamino might actually be a more fitting location. because if you think about it, just like Ground Beta was the jumping-off point for of all of Katsuki's subsequent angst, Kamino is where all of Deku's current angst really began. I know we tend to think of it as more of a Kacchan Angst location, but it really has just as much if not more meaning to Deku. because Kamino is where "you're next" happened. Kamino is where All Might was finally forced to pass the torch, before Deku was fully ready to carry it. Kamino is where the terrible weight and responsibility of OFA fully fell on his shoulders at last. where All Might fell, leaving it up to Deku to carry on the legacy which is now slowly suffocating him.
and so imo it would actually be a perfect location for their threematch. angst potential for days, guys. so, while I'm not excluding the possibility of Horikoshi finally deciding to take us back to U.A., it also would not surprise me at all if we stayed right here for the next few chapters instead. with the two of them duking it out in the shadow of their forefather's statue, like Naruto and Sasuke before them. let's just hope this fight has a slightly less depressing outcome lol.
anyway, so I really thought I had more than just four predictions but my brain isn't really cooperating, so for now this will have to do. just two parting thoughts, I guess: one, based on the number of asks I received about this I guess it bears repeating, but it's not Toga you guys. seriously lol. and two, just a reminder that we are in the endgame now, so imo it definitely is DvK3 hours. I haven't really been on tumblr much the last week or so, but I got the impression from a few of the posts I did read that some people think it's too soon, or something like that? but I have to disagree. I know we're all in collective denial about this, but I'm pretty sure that all of the repeated "final act!!" stuff is not actually secret code for "don't worry there's still hundreds of chapters left" lol. not saying the series is going to end tomorrow, but we are getting closer and closer, and that means that we can start to expect some really important shit going down. and DvK3 is one of those things that pretty much has to happen before the final battle. so yeah, I'd say it's about that time.
#bnha 318#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#bnha meta#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#asks#anon asks#also that puppet guy or whoever is already ko'd lol#he's done#good try buddy#probably should have tagged this with the next chapter number but I don't want to spam that tag given that this is all just speculation#not sure what the proper etiquette is for this but eh
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...oh thanks, Tumblr, it wasn’t like I was trying to answer that ask or anything. -_-
OHKAY. Take two! For this trope mashup meme, @dogmatix asked:
Rex/Obi or pairing/characters of choice - Apocalyse AU / Mermaid/Siren AU / Aroused by their voice
This modern!AU got a liiiiiittle bit more absurdist than planned, but NO REGRETS. Assistance was provided by @dharmaavocado and @deadcatwithaflamethrower -- THANK YOU BOTH!
*****
There was a lovely breeze coming in across the ocean, the sky had just enough puffy white clouds to keep things interesting, and Rex was taking a maintenance day. The last family group of tourists to charter a day trip had included several children that were at least two parts sticky and three parts grime. His poor Vigilance needed a serious scrub down, and Rex was not looking forward to restocking. Small Grubby Fiend 1 had stumbled – supposedly due to a sudden swell, but more likely because Small Grubby Fiends 2 and 3 hadn’t stopped ‘not kicking’ each other for way too long. Not being an entire idiot, Rex has gone right for the band-aids with cartoon characters, but since it wasn’t a cartoon Small Grubby Fiend 1 liked, that meant another – until all three Small Grubby Fiends had been plastered with far more of his first aid kit than was good for anyone.
It had been a long day.
So there he was, untangling life-vests that hadn’t even been used, while singing along with whatever music was playing from the boat’s speakers. Rex wasn’t sure if the music was pop, rock, or some other unholy category he’d never heard of, but thankfully it didn’t matter. He liked it, and could figure out which of Tup’s mix tapes it was on, which was the important thing.
Tup always made hilarious offended noises when Rex called them mix tapes, which was a significant reason why he did so. They were music folders, sensibly labeled by mood, because his little brother had realized at some point that was the only way to keep Rex up to date on anything past the 90’s grunge music.
Tup’s accusation, not his. Rex damn well knew how to use a radio – several kinds of radio, thank you very much.
He was several songs into mind-numbing chores when he spotted a flash of red streaking under the dock, and Rex ducked his head to hide a grin. He’d started spotting movement like that a couple of weeks ago, around the time the neighbors descended on their beach house. There were several ginger teenagers, so he figured one of them was a hell of a water rat who had damn odd taste in music.
To be fair, so did he.
It’d been weird at first, realizing he had an audience that disappeared the moment he acknowledged their existence. But the most he heard or saw out of them beyond the momentary glimpse was a bit of percussion, someone drumming in time against the water – and once, the dock itself – so Rex had shrugged and accepted their presence. It was kinda nice, actually, just to have someone around. He lived a ways off the end of a long, sparsely populated road, and while he didn’t mind the solitude, sometimes you just wanted another–
Rex’s train of thought went off the rails with a loud yelp as he discovered something slimy stuck to the back of a life-vest. It might have been edible once – it was a shade of radioactive green he didn’t associate with anything other than candy or video games, at least, so that was his best guess. Much as he wanted to blame the Small Grubby Fiends, he hadn’t done more than a spot check of these vests for awhile – could’ve been anyone.
Ugh. At least unlike some clients he could name, Rex’s eavesdropper wasn’t vandalizing anything. Wasn’t about to begrudge that.
Rex had managed to get most of the neon green grossness cleared when the rumble of an approaching car caught his attention. He wasn’t expecting visitors, not that that had ever stopped any of his brothers. Lost delivery drivers usually turned around before hitting up the driveway, which was long enough and had enough private property signs to keep out idiots looking for easy water access.
“Who the hell is this?” he muttered, setting the vest aside. He didn’t recognize the little black car, or the burly guy stepping out of the passenger’s side, but the guy waved and casually started towards Rex as if he knew who the hell he was.
Not reassuring, especially since the stranger rapped the car’s roof, and it headed back up the driveway.
“You seem lost,” Rex said, standing up and trying to look just the right level of intimidating.
“Nope,” the guy said back, still heading towards him. “Need your boat.”
“That’s work related – you need to wait till I’m back at the marina tomorrow. I’m at home, it’s my day off.”
Burly guy finally stopped, planting his hands on his hips – a move which just happened to part the jacket of his cheap suit enough that Rex could see the gun he carried. “I don’t think you understand, Mr. Fett. I don't want any trouble – I just want you to head inside, and take that day off while I borrow your boat.”
Oh, FUCK. Nobody really talked about how the mob owned most of the marinas in Tatooine Bay, but you didn’t need to declare water was wet to get drenched in the rain. It just wasn’t something that ever happened to someone you knew, just friends of friends or something.
“And if I don’t agree?” he couldn’t keep from asking.
Burly Guy had a surprisingly expressive shrug. “Most people don’t enjoy pushing their luck that far.”
To his credit, it was a remarkably polite threat. “I’m surprised anyone ever does.”
“Eh, every now and then there’s some freaky masochist looking for cheap thrills, but it ain’t my kink. Don’t think it’s yours, either, so if you’d just head inside, that’d be appreciated.”
The smart move was probably to comply. Rex wasn’t inclined to cooperate anyways. He was saved from making either bad decision by...sound.
It didn’t register as singing – there was something too off about it, a combination that wasn’t quite autotune, or that polyphonic singing Echo had gotten into when Fives got obsessed with the guitar. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t right in a way that was madly distracting.
The...singing? – pulled both Rex and the goon around towards the end of the dock, and if Rex hadn’t been so muzzy-headed from that sound he would have been gaping much more blatantly.
There was someone slipping out from under the dock, and it was most definitely not one of the neighbors.
It was a trim, shirtless figure in the water – ginger indeed, short red hair just dry enough to be messy spikes. Pale skin was freckled in scales of shimmering reds, protective lines over what would be vulnerable areas on a human. It swam close enough to the surface that Rex could see the sleek fins and tail, and part of his brain kept screaming ‘mermaid!’ while the rest took in the long, sharp claws on webbed hands and whispered ‘predator.’ Its singing showed sharply pointed teeth, and it should not have been nearly that gorgeous.
The mermaid glanced over at him, eyes a deep blue-on-blue that could never masquerade as human, flicking a look up and down him that could have been flattering or terrifying – it all depended on if that was measuring him for a meal euphemistically or not.
The singing changed as the creature turned its attention back to the goon, and the magnetic pull on Rex lessened. He staggered back a step, not too surprised to find he was halfway down the dock without noticing. The hazy feeling in his brain stopped, or at least dropped down to levels that were close enough to normal, so he got a clear view as the goon started walking into the water, oblivious to everything except the mer-siren-thing he was shambling towards.
The siren moved when the goon was almost waist deep in the water, flowing forward to delicately place a hand at the goon’s throat. The singing continued, but now there was a new undertone, soft and somehow questioning. Rex couldn’t tell if there were words to it or not – maybe a whole other language for all he knew – but the goon responded, voice soft enough that he couldn’t make out what was said.
Whatever he said, it didn’t please the siren. It kept singing, but it snarled, showing more of those pointed teeth, then it twisted and dove, hauling the unresisting goon under the water.
A terrifying few moments more, and the last hums of the song seemed to stop vibrating through the water.
“What the absolute fuck?” Rex said numbly. Thank everything, no one answered.
A smart man would’ve hidden inside, or driven off to a movie theater or something – inland and away. Rex wasn’t sure why he stayed: curiosity – morbid or otherwise – shock, or a healthy disbelief in the whole debacle. He was maybe a bit too numb to not have some kind of shock, but –
He felt like he maybe deserved it. “Yeah, I can have a bit of shock,” Rex muttered to himself. “As a treat.”
Okay, he might have more than a bit. But by the time the siren poked his head out of the water again – politely out of arms’ reach – Rex had calmed down a decent degree. They just looked at each other for a bit, then the siren gave him a polite nod.
“Hello there,” he said in a pleasant, deep voice with a hell of an accent.
Rex held up a hand, needing a moment. Of fucking course the British even colonized under the goddamned sea. “Hi. You speak English.” It wasn’t quite the most inane thing he could’ve said, but his brain hadn’t managed to catch up yet.
He was talking to a goddamned mermaid who had just kidnapped and possibly eaten some mob thug who’d been trying to take Rex’s boat. It had been a day.
“You’re not the first land-dweller I’ve made the acquaintance of.”
Rex absolutely refused to make any kind of a crack about being charmed. There was too much hysteria lurking in there. “Speaking of acquaintances, you didn’t, ah, kill that guy, did you?”
The siren’s lips pulled back from his teeth a little. “I still haven’t decided what to do with him, so right now he’s out of the way.” He must’ve seen something impressive in Rex’s expression, because the angry disdain smoothed over to something more neutral. “He’s stashed in a cave I know. Enough air to breathe, but the only entrance is underwater and too far for most humans to swim without assistance.”
That was...a lot. “Thanks for the help.”
The siren smiled, an oddly sweet, bashful expression. “I’d be a very poor guest if I didn’t assist.” He cleared his throat, his expression going awkward. “Though I...suppose ‘guest’ is a bit presumptive.”
Rex grinned. “No, I spotted you a couple weeks ago – ah, I mean, sort of.” Before he could make more a hash of that, he cleared his throat. “The name’s Rex.”
The siren folded his hands together and did a little bow thing. “Obi-Wan. Pleasure to meet you.”
He wasn’t blushing. He absolutely was not blushing. “So...you in town for long?” Ok, now he was blushing, that was worst subject change ever meeting worst fishing attempt – meeting worst and wildly inappropriate pun.
Obi-Wan’s expression fell, sorrow way too visible in those non-human eyes. “I suppose you could say that. I...no longer have a home to return to.”
Definitely not a topic to change to. Right. Rex cleared his throat and shifted. “Well. You’re welcome anytime, for what that’s worth.”
The slow-growing smile didn’t remove that sorrow, but it did kindle something warm inside. This was at least three different kinds of trouble, but Rex didn’t think he’d regret any of it.
~end
#star wars#My writing#meme#trope mashup#Rex/Obi#mermaid#dogmatix#still not thrilled with how it wraps but it's certainly not the worst fic ending I've read recently#oh I'm still salty#whoops?#meanwhile there's several lines in here i adore more than is reasonable#AND I DON'T CARE
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