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giamee · 1 year

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𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝟐 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄!

୨♡୧ pairings :: blade x reader ; sampo x reader ; gepard x reader ; dan heng x reader ; jing yuan x reader ; luocha x reader

୨♡୧ gia's notes :: writing this as a quick lil thing because i just finished school and i want to like,,, pay homage to the crushes ive had on my classmates LMAO this is so self indulgent i'm delulu... gonna miss seeing them in the hallways ,,, this one kinda mid i wrote it on my phone while half asleep AND ITS EXAM SEASON RAHHHHHH

୨♡୧ contains: modern!school!au, fem!reader sorry, most definitely ooc because these are based off of real people oops, just cute lil crushes man feel free to judge my taste in men !

𓆩♡𓆪 BLADE

-he's in your biology class, but not close enough to really get to talk to him

-you're not sure what to make of him, but you see him in the gym a few times when you're there as well

-his stony exterior, however, is shattered in your eyes when you enter the gym one day to find it empty other than just him in there, blasting his playlist out loud

-out of all of the possible genres he could he listening to, you weren't expecting a drill remix of anime osts

-you can't help the giggle that escapes your lips from what you're witnessing, and blade freezes upon hearing it before whipping his head round to face you like a deer in headlights

-he scrambles to turn it off as you set up at a squat rack, and it's almost endearing to see such a stoic classmate look so flustered

-you almost felt bad for the guy, and you hesitated before asking blade if he could spot for you

-and just like that, the ice was officially broken

-the two of you talked more frequently now, even becoming sort of friends through your shared class and the gym

-more frequent talks gave way to the more intimate aspects of blade's personality- as it turned out, he was quite touchy

-lingering touches when spotting you in the gym turned to his leg pressed against yours when you sit next to each other- leaning into your personal space a little too close to call it casual, and the bastard enjoyed the way you got flustered when his face got near to yours and the way that people looked at the pair of you and whispers, rumours, started to fly

-"if you keep sitting that close to me, people are going to think that we're dating," you huffed at him

-blade didn't even glance up from his phone that he was scrolling through with one hand, the other resting against the back of your chair

-"good." you were glad that he didn't look up to see the way that your eyes widened and you turned your head to the side to hide the giddy smile that was creeping onto your face

-and despite you enabling this, all the harmless flirting, there was some unquellable part of you that screamed to be set free and hoped for something more. that when he made you look him in the eyes with a finger under your chin, he wasn't just doing it to tease you

-there was undeniably something going on between the two of you, but there was also the unspoken mutual decision to not mention it

-and so you resigned your self to the realm of just friends. it would be easier this way, to move on without any ties before uni

-yet on the last day, you found him scrawling his phone number in your yearbook with a demand to stay in touch, and it left you looking down at the inked digits with the thing in your chest set free, telling you that your feelings might just be reciprocated

𓆩♡𓆪 SAMPO

-your deskmate in chemistry because of a stupid seating plan that didn't change the entire year

-you've never really spoken before, but he's well-known for being rowdy

-his friends sit nearby, and most of his conversations consisted of talking to them loudly while leaning across your desk, while you try to balance your chemical equations

-other than that, you keep to yourselves mostly

-it isn't until your chemistry teacher is going on a tiresome rant about the bohr effect that you shift your attention away from the board, your eyes instead focusing on sampo and the pen in his hands as he twirled it through his fingers effortlessly

-you nudged him slightly, pointing to his hand and mouthing at him "how do you do that?"

-sampo smirks, leaning in closer to you and keeping his voice at a low whisper to avoid alerting your chemistry teacher

-"so you hold the end like this..." sampo whispers to you, demonstrating with the end of his pen. you nod and try not to think about how small the pen looks compared to his fingers, fixing your grip

-"and then you hold it loose, and flick it around your thumb" sampo demonstrates it effortlessly, catching the pen in his hand and smiling at you

-you concentrate on your own, feeling his gaze against the side of your face instilling slight tremors in your hand

-you attempt the spin, watching as the pen teeters before falling and landing on your desk with a clatter

-you hear sampo snort beside you, and your teacher whips his head around and fixes the pair of you with a glare

-"am i interrupting something?" you and sampo both snapped your attention back towards your teacher as he looked at you both pointedly before continuing with his lecture

-you braved a peek at your deskmate, seeing the way his eyes were stubbornly facing forwards while a slight smirk adorned his face

-it became almost a ritual for you to attempt sampo's stupid pen trick each lesson

-it looked so simple, you didn't get how you were still struggling to do it, and your focus was pretty much anywhere except on the lesson

-sampo watched on in idle amusement at your frustration, sometimes demonstrating it to you again just to rub it in before getting elbowed by you

-besides him poking fun at you, there was also a sweeter side to sampo

-there was a day where you had forgotten to wear your contacts, and were effectively blind the entire day

-despite being nearer to the front, you couldn't even read the board when you squinted

-you ended up asking sampo to read what was on the board to you, and with an exaggerated sigh he did so, whispering the words to you in the same low voice that had the hairs on the back of your neck standing up

-"you owe me, you know," he told you jokingly, pointing at your homework

-you rolled your eyes, sliding it over to him

-"i don't know why you think that the answers will be right, but sure"

-"hey, at least you did the homework"

-uhhhh idrk how to end this SORRY

-you guys got along well and then the year finished and you weren't in the same class any more

-whenever you see him in the corridors you smile at each other though

𓆩♡𓆪 GEPARD

-he sits in the seat opposite from you in your english class

-you can't help zoning out when the lesson gets boring, and more often than not that results in you inadvertedly staring at gepard until you snap back to reality and realise that you've locked eyes with him, resulting in both of you hastily looking away with pink dusting both of your cheeks

-it's hard not to look at his handsome face, and your wandering eyes often get drawn to him against your will

-the sun hits his hair just right from the window behind him, and he looks like an angel with a halo when he's concentrating with a furrowed brow and taking notes about chaucer

-he's not too bad of a person to be sat across, in short

-you see gepard from time to time in the library, and by luck's draw, one of the only free seats in a particularly busy hour ends up being next to him

-he glances up when you place your books down, shooting you a quick smile before turning back to his own work

-you're about to put on your headphones and start revising, but you catch the faint melody of an ice spice song blasting from gepard, oblivious to the world

-it takes a lot of self control to not burst out laughing in the middle of the library, but you text this information to your friend instead while biting back a smile

-she responds after a few seconds with a link to gepard's spotify account, telling you to take a look through his playlists

-risking a glance at gepard, still heavily focusing on his work, you click on the link and begin to scroll through his account

-you find yourself growing more and more blown away by his music choice

-someone who was so serious and stoic didn't seem like the type to have one of the most insane tastes in music you've ever seen, but you liked it

-it offered you a more human side to his aloof self

-when you saw him start to subconsciously mouth the words in time with ice spice, though, that's when you snorted a little

-and when gepard looked up at you in confusion, you waved him off

-maybe you would try talk to him after class more

𓆩♡𓆪 DAN HENG

-although he doesn't share a lesson with you, dan heng actually takes the same bus to get home from school

-you have a tendency to oversleep in the mornings, so you've never had the opportunity to realise this as the buses you take arrive at school minutes before the bell

-and after school, you can leave as soon as lessons finish, and your differing timetables kept you apart as well

-but after a day at the library in school, you ended up getting a bus nearer to the end of the day rather than your usual time

-because of this, you found that most of the other students at your school were getting this first bus back, and a lot less of the seats were available

-you scanned the seats, searching for an empty spot when you got on, and you saw dan heng sat on his own, looking out the window with his earphones in

-you recognised him as a guy in your year and headed to where he sat, gripping your bag tighter for emotional support

-"could i sit here?" you spoke before realising that he probably couldn't hear you over the sound of his music, and you hesitated before tapping him on the shoulder

-his attention snapped to you before he shuffled slightly, leaving you with ample space to take a seat

-you didn't talk much, feeling self conscious of your feed as you scrolled through your phone next to dan heng, waiting for the stop where you would get your second bus

-you were lucky that you were sat closer to the aisle, and didn't have to make things more awkward by asking him to get up too

-you pressed the button to stop the bus, picking up your bag and getting off

-but to your surprise, as you looked behind you to check if it was clear to cross the road, you saw that dan heng had gotten off of the bus as well

-which wasn't too weird, really. there were plenty of other buses to take from here

-yet your suspicions were confirmed as you realised that you and dan heng were headed for the same bus, stopping in the same queue with him just behind you

-normally you would keep to yourself, but you must have been feeling extra talkative that day because you decide to strike up a conversation with him

-"so you take this bus as well?"

-dan heng nodded, taking out an earphone to better hear you as you both waited for the bus

-"yeah, in the morning too"

-"i'm guessing the early one? i always miss it because i sleep in"

-dan heng smiles and shrugs

-"maybe you should go to sleep earlier, then"

-"yeah, maybe"

-the pair of you talk a bit, and despite his appearance dan heng is actually quite fun to talk to, though he moreso tends to listen to you rant and occasionally provides some input, which seems to suit you both just fine

-come next morning, you found yourself waking up a little easier than usual, getting ready and leaving your house earlier than usual

-and as a result, you managed to catch the early bus

-you spotted his cropped dark hair almost as soon as you got on, and decided to sidle up to him again

-dan heng spotted you this time, though, and even offered you a smile as he pulled put his earphones as youvsat down next to him

-"so i'm guessing that you slept earlier, huh?"

-if it meant getting to talk to him more, you'd be in bed before it even got dark

-but he didn't have to know that

𓆩♡𓆪 JING YUAN

-he's that one guy in the year who's just universally loved, by teachers and students alike

-he's warm, he's studious, he's head boy, and he's practically everyone's friend

-it's not uncommon to see plenty of the girls in your year go up to him to try and flirt, and for others to look on in jealousy at their attempts

-and despite everyone's best efforts, jing yuan remained single

-as much as you didn't want to, you couldn't help but get a crush on him, just like every other girl in the year

-your heart beats out of your chest when you walk past him in the corridor and he gives you a smile and nod

-your knees feel weak when you see him in the library studying, his handsome face scrunched in concentration

-and though you may only be observing from afar, you're completely content with that

𓆩♡𓆪 LUOCHA

-luocha is a friend of yours that you made pretty recently

-there's a quiet charm to him that leaves you feeling at ease, and you've found it incredibly comforting to be in his presence when revising for exams

-even though he's a man of few words, he's managed to keep you as grounded as you can be during the stress of your last days of school before it's over

-it all came to an emotional headway at prom night

-you had been drinking a little, and with the night coming to an end the realisation that you wouldn't be seeing most of the people here again had you feeling teary eyed

-luocha found you on the dancefloor, pulling you towards him without a word and letting you just cling onto his suit as you both swayed in time to the slower song

-you let the soothing scent of him wash over you as you started to wind down at the end of the night, and you felt one of his gentle hands resting on your back as you began to wind your arms around his neck too

-"it was nice to know you," you mumbled to him, voice muffled by the material of his suit

-you felt luocha's grip on you tighten almost imperceptibly, a sign that he had heard you regardless

-"you can still know me" he murmured, and in your hazy state of mind you relaxed into him even further

-"that would be nice"

-as prom came to an end and after you had gotten over the air of finality, the pain from wearing your heels all night was beginning to kick in

-your car was parked a while away and while you did want to just go home, the prospect of taking another step was making you wince

-luocha was quick to notice your hesitance, and before you even said anything he was crouching down in front of you, telling you to "get on" which you gratefully did

-his warm hands wrapped securely around your thighs, supporting your weight as you told luocha where to go

-he made it to your car effortlessly, letting you down carefully and even opening your own car door for you

-you giggled at him being a gentleman as you got behind the wheel, smiling up at him with a bittersweet pang in your heart

-"thanks for everything, luocha"

-the man hesitated for a second, before returning your smile

-"any time"

-he ducked down, leaning in closer to you, and you felt yourself inhale sharply as he wrapped his arms around you, encasing you in a last embrace before you would part ways for the last time

-"keep in touch, okay?"

-"okay"

୨♡୧ honkai star rail masterlist

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crvptidgf · 1 month

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Bad Blood • pt. IV

Mattheo Riddle x Reader

➸ summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, you find it difficult to let go of the past. Your trauma lies deeper than you think. When when you meet somebody who understands your pain, your journey of self-discovery and healing begins to set sail. For once, everything in your life seems to click.

➸ warnings/notes: reader is of romanian descent, afab! reader, mentions of trauma, descriptions of death and traumatic events, profanity, friends to lovers trope, hurt/comfort, eventual smut (18+), trauma bonding, eventual mutual pining, mentions of the golden trio being dicks for the sake of the story

A/N: this is kind of a filler chapter, sorry

word count: 1.6k

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WE ALL HAD a free period the next day. Somebody had decided it was a great idea to set off a stink bomb in the Transfiguration Corridor - which is where most people had their classes that morning.

Although most people would've probably thanked them for doing so, I, however, was not as pleased. Now that we had free time together, Enzo thought it would be a great opportunity to pester me about the Gryffindors. He had been asking me about it since dinner last night and it was getting hard to avoid his never-ending questions.

"Enzo, I told you it's not a big deal," I said as I sat in front of the crackling fire in the common room.

I turned my head to watch the flames dance about, entranced by it as it harshly kissed the wooden logs below it. I toyed with the metal fire poker, pulling it on and off it's hook on the wall.

"Come on!" responded Enzo, moving from the couch to sit next to me on the floor. "I know it's bothering you - you've barely spoken since dinner."

We were interrupted by boisterous laughter as Theo and Mattheo made their presence known. The couch made a soft plopping sound as they each took a seat. Mattheo placed his elbow on the arm rest, his legs spreading as he got comfortable against the cushions.

"What's bothering her?" he asked.

I huffed and looked back at the fire. Now it was especially hard to talk to Enzo considering the whole problem was that my friends hated Mattheo. I didn't have the heart to say that in front of him. Most of all, I didn't want him to think that I agreed with them - I had only begun to finally make new friends, it would be terrible if this impeded all our relationships.

Enzo groaned, throwing his head back. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. But she's being difficult."

"I'm not being difficult. There's just some things that you guys shouldn't have to hear," I replied.

At this, even Theo's interest was piqued. He uncrossed his arms and leaned forward onto his knees, playfully putting his chin in his hand as he tried to give me puppy-dog eyes. "Well know we have to know."

Something Enzo told me about Theo was that he absolutely loved gossip. It was unexpected, but I didn't know him well enough to agree or disagree. Yet I was now even more afraid of telling them than I was before; Theo already didn't like Harry and the rest, how would he react if he knew they thought poorly of his best friend?

Unfortunately, though, there was no going back. If Enzo seemed stubborn, Theo was worse. He would be a pain in my ass if I didn't tell him right that second, and I was already easily annoyed by him - I wouldn't be able to stand his nagging.

"If I tell you guys..." I paused, looking at each of them slowly, "you have to promise you won't get mad."

They all looked slightly unsure, making faces at each other and furrowing their brows. Theo leaned back against the pillow again, scratching his chin. He looked deep in thought before he merely nodded, mumbling an 'okay, sure'.

Mattheo held out his pinkie, smiling. "Pinkie promise, I won't get mad."

I rolled my eyes, but joined our pinkies together nonetheless. His eyes still held a tinge of confusion, but he nodded in encouragement as we let go of our fingers.

"Enzo?" I asked, turning my head towards him.

Cocking his head to the side, he put his hand atop mine and gave me a reassuring squeeze before pulling away again. "Of course I won't get mad."

Taking a deep breath, I turned my body to face them all equally. There was truly no reason for me to be so nervous, but I couldn't help it. I was afraid that Enzo would start to blame himself for the past again, that Theo would get mad, that Mattheo would feel betrayed. So much could go wrong.

"My friends don't think it's a good idea to be hanging out with you guys," I finally blurted out. "I obviously don't agree - I just... I'm pissed because I never thought they'd be so judgmental, y'know?"

It felt good to get that off my chest.

"I fucking knew it," scoffed Theo. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he shifted his gaze out to the Black Lake, his eyes following the fish drifting through the water.

His head shook from side to side, his anger evident in his rigid movements.

Mattheo clasped his fingers together and leaned his elbows on his knees. His hands lay limp in between the gap of his knees as he sighed, spreading his legs yet again.

He gave Theo a look that I couldn't quite decipher.

"Relax, Nott."

"Dude, they've been dicks to us for years. All because what? They're too blind sighted by us being Slytherins to even think that we could actually be good people. I'm surprised they haven't cast you aside yet."

I swallowed thickly, playing with the threads of my robe awkwardly.

Even the two guys seemed surprised at Theo's outburst. I never knew he felt that way - I never even knew that my friends had been rude to them.

My heart dropped. What hurt the most was that they hated my house so much that they couldn't even give Slytherins a chance to prove themselves.

No.

Why did we have to prove ourselves? It wasn't fair. None of this was fair, and none of this made sense. How was I different than all the rest of my peers? How come they gave me a chance but not my housemates?

I felt weird all of a sudden. Something akin to betrayal. The Gryffindors never tried to make friends with people who were like me, and maybe that made me feel alienated over the years. Maybe that's why I never felt like I belonged. I had never been friends with somebody who understood what it was like for me during the War; what it was like having to watch my back not only for Death Eaters, but my own classmates and friends.

"Y/N," said Theo, interrupting my thoughts. "You deserve better friends. You know that, right?"

"Theo. That's enough," Mattheo reprimanded.

My throat felt like it had closed up, my swallows becoming less and less frequent. I didn't know what to say. Why did I have to tell them? Why did I think they would take it well?

"I'm sorry."

It was all I could think of. What can you really say to somebody who has been unfairly judged all their life? Only to find out that their new acquaintance is friends with the people who did all the judging.

Enzo's arm wrapped around my shoulder, shaking me gently. "Nothing to be sorry about, babe."

"You know I don't believe them, right?" I said, my eyes subconsciously finding Mattheo's.

He gave me a tight-lipped smile, his eyes also finding mine instantly. "We know," he said. A strange look pooled in his eyes - he seemed almost sad, or perhaps disappointed. I wasn't sure. Whatever it was, he didn't give me enough time to figure it out as he shifted his stare somewhere else.

Had I just ruined my brand new friendships? Maybe I should have just kept the information to myself...

"I'm gonna get going. I have to meet Julia tonight," came his voice suddenly.

My heart sank as I heard this. I had known of his reputation, of course. I was aware that he slept around, had multiple short-lived relationships - I wasn't stupid. He was an attractive man, anybody would jump his bones given the chance. However the realization hit me harder than I expected.

Why did I even care?

I was snapped out of my trance as Mattheo came up to land a reassuring hand on my shoulder before leaving. "Don't overthink it, okay?"

And with that, he was gone.

His words echoed in my mind yet I couldn't help myself. I was overthinking it. How could I not? What was I supposed to do? - my two friend groups are practically butting heads right in front of me - and I have no idea how to handle it. I am certainly not about to choose sides, either.

Suddenly I felt someone's presence next to me on the floor. Looking to my left, I see Theo, his hands clasped together on his knees as he leaned his head onto the edge of the couch.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I shouldn't have yelled - fuck, it's just..." he sighed.

"I know you're a good person. Enzo talked about you a lot-" at this, Enzo cleared his throat, signaling Theo to stop talking, "-and your friends may be nice to you, but they've never had a problem treating other people - other Slytherins - like shit."

I nodded. I understood where he was coming from but it didn't make the realization any less harsh. They were my friends, what was I supposed to do?

"Yeah..." I said.

"Guys how about we just start fresh," Enzo started, "forget about all of this."

He turned to me, his legs sitting crossed on the floor. "You talk to your friends whenever you can. Maybe we can hang out. All of us-"

Theo groaned, throwing his head back.

"And-" Enzo continued, "-maybe they'll see that we're not so bad."

I nodded. Perhaps he was right. All they needed was a little nudge in the right direction to see that Slytherins weren't so bad - at least not all of them. I made it my mission then to make sure that I could unite all of my friends - and hopefully, just hopefully, I could finally be around people who understood me.

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anemoiashifts · 2 months

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permashifting & sv!c!dal ideation & early shiftok.

im so fucking scared to post this. tw.

ive been in the shifting community for four/five years now & most of my time was watching quietly from the sidelines up until last july when i made my shiftok account. i want to preface this by saying these are my experiences & observations & ive always been pretty firm on my stance. ive spoke about this (i think) twice on tiktok & will now give some updated insight. i don’t expect everything to agree with me but please don’t jump down my throat for saying what im going to. i respect you, please respect me. cool? yes? okay !!

there are similarities between sv!c!dal ideation & permashifting & im so so sick of people hardly taking about it. what re-sparked this interest in the topic was i saw someone make a video on their views towards the topic & i do resonate with their points heavily. this was the only video ive ever seen of anyone making a video like this minus myself & it’s been long overdue.

to clarify, im not against permashifting completely im against how permashifting is spoken about & how it’s promoted. it’s wayyy too casual & ive seen a lot of triggering things in my comment sections / confession submissions. i used to get about five of these or so (ppl saying they wanted to unalive themselves) a week when i was actively doing them but they’ve since kinda died down. if, me, an account with (at the time) ~15,000 tiktok followers were seeing this, i cannot imagine the kind of messages those 100,000 followers shiftokers were getting.

another thing that i haven’t spoke about too much is the sv!c!de notes id receive. i got about two or three of them. ignoring the overstepping of boundaries & oversharing, my heart goes out to those who submitted those. i think shifting came at a time when everyone was bored & cooped up inside & shiftokers could’ve unknowingly preyed upon people’s loneliness & vulnerability. i remember people could say things like “im k!11!ng myself tonight so I’ll wake up in my dr” & the fact that was even a thing is so beyond horrific. im gonna put some confessions ive gotten in the past just to show you what i was seeing daily at one point. scroll a ways down if you don’t want to to see. sorry ! idk how to blur it but would if i found out how to.

i wanta take a sec to call out all the adult shifters who neglected to speak about this.

i hear people say “but if they didn’t discover shifting they wouldn’t still be here” or “it buys people more time”. i get it. really, i do & i don’t think that’s a bad thing. what i do think the bad thing really is, is the adult shifting creators who enable the kind of talk & push that shifting is this other option without telling people to take care of themselves in this reality. the mental well-being & safety of people should always be put first, especially with spaces involving a lot of children when most of the information comes from the mouths of adults. shifting was popularized by tiktok at the height of c0v!d & everyone was arguably at their lowest. i think the timing in which shifting was introduced helped shiftok get popular at the time (along with harry potter trending, of course) & a lot of ppl saw it as a trend to latch onto & leech off of to grow a platform. i think some people totally — probably unintentionally — took advantage of peoples desperation for an escape for profit. that’s what I’ve felt with some former / earlier shifting creators, anyways. that’s why shiftokers are seen as these figures that were/are looked up to so heavily because they’ve gotten something that people with destructive situations are so desperate for & i think that’s really diabolical & sad.

this post isn’t to shit on shiftokers completely, not the modern shiftokers anyway. i have some really cool mutuals who genuinely post insightful content. i think tiktok has gotten a little better with some bumps every now & then but it’s not as bad as 2020.

i don’t think shiftokers are doing this intentionally. & who knows ? maybe they’re are afraid their audience will get upset or off put or they’ll lose support but the longer we put the conversation off the more people’s mental health will worsen. whatever the reason may be, keeping numbers up or getting “canceled” isn’t worth it at the risk of lives of children. it’s long overdue.

then the idea of escapism comes in. escapism isn’t bad. arguably, most things we do are escapism; reading, scrolling on tumblr. its how we look & obsess & look at that escapism. that’s when it becomes unhealthy. the consept of shifting as an escape from something like depression can exacerbate those feelings of because people do struggle to actually shift. that state of “waiting” to shift can be extremely difficult if you’re not struggling mentally, so if you’re struggling mentally on top of trying to shift without success? also throwing being a minor onto that.

anyways this post was all over the place because i could talk about this for hours. i have no idea if this will ever have a place on tiktok or if I’ll even end up posting this to tumblr. this was very ramble-y but a very important ramble imo. i tried to organize & keep this short to the best of my ability. feel free to agree, disagree but these are my poorly organized thoughts.

a little reminder to enjoy the journey & process of shifting rather then hyper focusing on “the end” of it. take a break if you find you self only thinking about shifting and not doing stuff you gotta do here or if your making yourself sick over it. it isn’t the end of the world if you don’t shift. i believe everyone is here for a reason & i can promise you everything will work out in the end.

to those who resonate with mental health struggles & shifting, my heart goes out to you & only with you the best. be gentle with yourself — that goes for all of you.

#reality shifting #desired reality #shifting #shiftblr #shiftok #shifting motivation #shifting realities #shifter

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