Coach VS the internet Compilation

Basic Reproduction, Pregnancy, and Childbirth info for fanfic writers

As a mom myself as well as a future midwifery student, one thing that can really get me out of the escapism of fanfiction is the inaccurate or awkward depiction of pregnancy and childbirth. Whether because it is overly simplistic, written traumatically, or shares misguided ideas surrounding fertility and childbearing, it just really has me not enjoying the content despite it being a good story otherwise. The downside of being well-versed on a certain topic is that you become quite good at seeing misconceptions about it in fiction!

And especially since so many fanfic writers are either too young to be parents or are childless, I felt: hey, why not help out a lil bit? I love your stories and growth as a writer, so I think it’s only fair that I can contribute in some way. It’s not so much a how-to guide, mostly just basic resources to study from or refer to, but I do have a small commentary here and there.

I tried to make the list as encompassing as possible, to include resources that could help with fantasy, sci-fi settings, as well as ideas for non-human characters. So this list is for more than just typical human stuff!

You can read more below the cut:

Fertility Awareness, Health, and Birth Control:

This part is important to fully understand how and why a pregnancy can occur. Contrary to what a lot of people learn, you actually CAN’T get pregnant on any day of the menstrual cycle -- and birth control can fail in various ways even when used correctly. I figured this would help writers better describe how a character falls pregnant by way of BC failure, and not keep it so vague and mysterious. And hey, if that means free sex ed for teen and adult writers, then more power to them. :)

fertilityfriday.com

larabriden.com

avivaromm.com

factsaboutfertility.org

bedsider.org

Pregnancy:

Pregnancy can vary wildly in experiences, so I tried to include mostly resources for pregnant parents that take this into consideration. You can also find info on pregnancy stuff in resources listed in the childbirth list!

babycenter.org (they also have info on raising kids up to five years of age!)

americanpregnancy.org

womenshealth.gov

Childbirth:

My favorite part! Here you will find lots of birth stories -- all quite varied -- and will give insight into how birth can play out. The resources above also discuss childbirth.

midwiferytoday.com

birthwithoutfearblog.com

spinningbabies.org (they have a blog you can read from)

evidencebasedbirth.com

A really neat article about a really neat midwife! https://www.healthline.com/health/betty-ann-daviss-midwife-breech-births

You can also search for birth videos on youtube. Just be careful -- they are often “graphic” in that they don’t blur out genitalia or blood (both of which is normal in birth btw, but it may come as a shock to some out there) and I found a few (not many, but enough) birth videos where women were verbally harassed by care providers. Just sharing this so that you can decide for yourself if it’s worth searching.

Postpartum (post-birth recovery):

Most of the pregnancy and birth info I post above will comment on postpartum recovery and traditions. However, here are more specific resources that can be useful for writers.

slowpostpartum.com

postpartum.net

postpartumresourcegroup.net

article comparing postpartum recovery traditions around the world: https://www.scarymommy.com/postpartum-care-is-better-other-countries/

LGBT representation:

I know a lot of fanfic writers use their craft to share their desire for positive LGBT stories. If this is your thing, here are some parenting and pregnancy resources that real LGBT people use when growing a family; it will help keep the realism respectful and accurate when writing for your LGBT character(s).

La Leche League on chestfeeding/breastfeeding for LGBT parents: https://www.laleche.org.uk/support-transgender-non-binary-parents/

You can follow the Queer Doula on facebook for ideas and information on LGBT birth as well, they are Non-Binary: https://www.facebook.com/TheQueerDoula/

Badassmotherbirther and The Warrior Within Birth Services also occasionally share LGBT posts and encouragement (also on facebook)

POC-specific resources for cultural sensitivity:

I hate lumping all non-white cultures into one “POC” grouping, but I felt this would be the easiest way to keep the list organized. I included organizations run by and for Indigenous and Black women, since they face the most discrimination in the birthing world. I was going to link resources for Latino families as well but I couldn’t find any, sorry. :(

Indigenous Breastfeeding Counselor: https://www.facebook.com/IndigenousBreastfeedingCounselor

Indigenous Birth Workers Network: https://www.wisewomengp.org

Wuttahminneoh Birth Work (I am so sorry for the funky link facebook will literally not give me another URL): https://www.facebook.com/heartberry.bw/?__xts__[0]=68.ARAsiZyY90fZivjKJkF0MtcjMTiRhOHOT0Q-QiJe3FTwFJfBpKtNDMsQQLog8A2Uv0VC7ki5CRKR9Oi8RNuR2RHAHVmAm3aHQxTmuo5tvpFu4i7lZfMlnFmo8LTVc8-Qfd6wnA1itDCh4o4qtc45MUJI9NZh4lvVBXhLbnMGck6AiDUzFjrIyDikppt4lnX1jjFzkx-g5QCapbeX3BqpuWWvtHpw35L7QzbmOoyW-1iFi4S2s997u795VFAKLVEkqWTFyzmZhJdZbGd3gzt2lzJ-jB1crYe-y-eaLrbnBYmfar8UYToVNu-hOCVojr3pnLfaZn-tIwxwiXyBXz-jnwkCt52mrKaVagcK6l6GkzE91pN8GncBkQ

A Story of Indigenous Birth Justice: http://micemagazine.ca/issue-two/story-indigenous-birth-justice

National Black Midwives Alliance: https://blackmidwivesalliance.org

Black Women Do Breastfeed: https://blackwomendobreastfeed.org

Different types of reproduction in the animal and plant kingdoms:

I’m not much an expert in this area, though I do find it fascinating. If you would like to use ideas from nature for head canons about non-human races, then go nuts -- the natural world is full of inspiration!

Plant-based biology:

https://byjus.com/biology/plant-kingdom-plantae/

https://www.britannica.com/science/plant-reproductive-system

Animal-based biology:

https://www.britannica.com/science/animal-reproductive-system/Sponges-coelenterates-flatworms-and-aschelminths

https://byjus.com/biology/animal-kingdom/

Asexual vs Sexual Reproduction:

https://biologywise.com/asexual-vs-sexual-reproduction

And youtube has a lot of documentary videos of animals giving birth if you want to check it out.

A note on traumatic/dramatic birth scenes:

I, personally, have a special request:

PLEASE stop writing traumatic birth scenes.

No death of the mother or the baby. No focus on out of control pain or death by infection or “““blood loss”““. No birthing during a battle or other climatic event.

In the United States and other parts of the world, millions of women struggle with PTSD or postpartum mood disorders due to mistreatment and trauma experienced at birth, and many more are simply surrounded by negative depictions of birth in mainstream media.

Women are told, every day through common media tropes, that birth is scary and anything can go wrong and that they have no choice in how birth may or may not turn out. While it is true that something may require medical attention, most pregnancies are low risk, and many complications at birth or after birth occur because of medical negligence or lack of informed consent. But this mistreatment and negligence is often put into the spotlight as a way to sanctify care providers and scaremonger women about their bodies.

If you would like to do a small part in normalizing fertility, pregnancy, and birth, then I humbly request that you do so by keeping birth simple and refreshingly non-traumatic. If you absolutely MUST have a dramatic birth scene, at least keep it accurate to what can actually happen, and warn your readers ahead of time on where to skip the scene. An author did that for a trauamtic birth in a fic I read, and it was a lifesaver for me. I did not have to re-live my own trauma from my first birth, and instead was able to focus on the story outside of it.

Otherwise, I would much prefer to read a silly, happy, or even just plain old NORMAL birth scene myself. I never see this. Often the birth scene is either traumatic/dramatic as an excuse to hurt or kill off a character, or it is comedic to make fun of natural birth. For once, I would adore to see a birth just as it is: a powerful moment where a mother (and father or other parent) meets her child, whether naturally without medical intervention or during a healing, family-centered c-section. When it comes to positive and accurate representation, birth is sorely in need of it! If you have a hard time of knowing where to start, just read the many positive birth stories out there -- they are great for inspiration and encouragement.

Thank y’all for reading, it means a lot. :)

**NOTE** I may expand this list in the future. If you would like to add anything here, please let me know.

740

‘Does your best friend bother you more than anyone else? This is so weird. Someone wouldn’t be my best friend if all they did was annoy me. If one of my best friends did start to bother me with anything they’re doing, we’re close enough for me to comfortably call them out on it. Who is your best friend? Angela and Gab. Do you like someone right now? A lot more than that at this point. Do you even think you stand a chance with this person? I’ve been with them a handful of years now, so yes. Do you consider yourself truly happy? Not truly. I can generally keep myself happy but I’ll sometimes have days where I’m anxious, angry, hurt, confused, lost, or all of the above. It’s a work in progress.

How often do you cry? I want to say at least once a week; that's pretty accurate. Are you emotional? Yes. What is the worst thing you would do for 10 million dollars? I find these questions so stressful to think about lol. Just give me scenarios to do for $10 million and I’ll tell you if I’m willing to do it. Have you ever had/do you have an eating disorder? [trigger warning] No. But when my depression was at its roughest a part of me wanted to try adding self-starvation to the other methods I was already using to harm myself at the time. Didn’t really work out. Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? Cut, yes. Burned, technically yes, but I didn’t know it would hurt me. When I was 7 I thought I had some sort of invincibility so I placed a finger on a clothes iron that was plugged in at the time. So I kinda did it on purpose, but not because I wanted to burn myself lol? If that makes sense? What do you think of people that do? Hope that they have people around them who care for them and can help them pull themselves out of that hole. What's your opinion on drugs? Have you ever done any? Scary, especially the hard drugs. I’ve seen Breaking Bad, Trainspotting, and Requiem for a Dream to know not to try them lol. I’ve only had milder ones like caffeine, nicotine, and painkillers. Have you ever noticed the hidden adut jokes inside of kid shows/movies? When I encounter the episodes these days, yeah I would notice them. When I was a kid they used to be just sentences that didn’t make sense to me. Do you want to be famous? Why? I’m not opposed to it. I wanna be able to travel places, get freebies, and afford a lot of nice clothes, but I’m also not willing to do absolutely anything or lose who I am just to get famous.

Do you sin often? I don’t really think of that anymore. What are your views on God? Nope. What do you think happens after you die? I go to sleep permanently, which for me is the most peaceful way to think of death. Sometimes if I’m feeling a little alone or helpless, it’s just as comforting to also think of the possibility of reuniting with my lost loved ones when I die, like my lolo or the great-grandparents I never met. Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of dying painfully, if anything. Like I don’t want to be stuck in a burning room or have a ceiling collapse on me, you know? If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? Yes. Have you ever felt that you weren't good enough? Of course. Do you have any siblings? If so, are you jealous of them? Yes. I’m not jealous/envious of Nina, but I do sometimes wish I had a talent that was as tangible and recognizable as hers – she’s an artist and an editor, and very good ones. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why or why not? I mean we don’t hate each other, but I wouldn’t go running to their arms if I had a problem. We have a more buddy-type relationship.

Are you always wanting more? Yep, I’m quite materialistic. Do you make good first impressions? You’d have to ask the people I’ve ever met. I hope I do, though. Do you feel bad for obese people, or do you just laugh? I am so unimpressed with this question.  What would you do if you were obese? Idk, it would depend on the mindset I have once I’m at that point. Are you ashamed of your past? Not ashamed. I just wish it had a lot more happier days. Do you miss your past? No. Do you have a song lyric that describes where you are in life right now? Ain’t it fuuuuun living in the real wooooorld ain’t it goooood being all alooooone Who are you closest to in your family? In my immediate family, it’s probably my sister. But generally speaking, it’s my eldest first cousin on my mom’s side. Do you ever open up to people? Yes, but I’m also private. Like I wouldn’t just share my life story with anyone - you have to ask about it and know which questions to ask. Do you consider yourself guarded? Why or why not? Sure. I’ve had shitty people come in and go out of my life throughout the years. Are you an honest person? I guess. Do you like animals? Love them, except cockroaches and flying cockroaches.

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? I...don’t really have an opinion lol and I don’t know if I should. I don’t know the first thing about medical ethics. Are you a control freak? In a group setting, mostly yep. Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you're losing all control? I like getting drunk but only until a certain point, i.e. when I feel giddy enough to socialize with strangers or start dancing. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences from drinking too much and it’s always so embarrassing the day after. What do you think happens when you go into a coma? I’ve read accounts on Reddit from people who used to be in one and the stories vary. Some stayed passed out through the whole thing, others dreamt in a lot of vibrant colors, others had dreams that they considered metaphors for dying, others were a little aware of what was happening or being said around them. Do you think the internet is dangerous? I know it is, lmao.

Name all the social networking sites you use: Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, Linkedin. I re-installed Snapchat recently but I don’t use it for social media. Do you think anyone truly knows who you really are? My best friends do, in different ways. Have you ever given anyone the chance to really get to know you? Yes. Do you block people out of your life when they start to get too close? No. It’s very rare that that gets to happen so when it does, I keep them around. Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? I think both experience a lot of pressure in very different ways. It’s not a contest. Do you care what impression you make on people? Kinda, especially if they make the wrong one lmao. Do you think TV is too much of an influence on today’s youth? If anything today’s TV has a lot of responsible representation from sexual consent and coming out and mental health to POCs, which gives off a suuuuper positive influence to kids and young teens these days who now feel like they can see themselves in the characters they meet and scenarios they see. Racism, sexism, homophobia, and all the other -isms and -phobias never get to fly by in this age anymore and that’s a great thing too. Just look at Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Sex Education, Itaewon Class, and I wanna say The Good Place? but I’ve never seen it. What do you think people would do if all the computers crashed? I honestly think that would be the last straw that would break the camel’s back for people to start chaotically freaking out lol. There’s too much happening as it is. Honestly, do you say racist things? Filipinos in general are resentful towards mainland Chinese but that’s because they have bullied us for so long, they’ve literally shit on our historical parks, they keep buying our lands, they claim our seas, and they belittle and mistreat Filipinos, especially the ones who work as OFWs in China. We wouldn’t be as racist if most of them didn’t act like such assholes to begin with. Personally, I don’t verbally say racist stuff but I will judge mainland Chinese in my head if I come across them or hear another incident of them misbehaving. Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? No, which I’m quite grateful for. They just let me do my thing, they ask me what jobs I want without hinting what they want for me, they let me fantasize about my dream purchases once I have a salary without guilt-tripping me over letting them have a share of my money, that kind of stuff. Has anyone you loved ever died? Two big people in my life. Do you think people overreact when their pets die? Not at all. Pets are family, and everyone’s reactions are valid. I remember when Lorde’s dog died and people were either 1) making fun of her and called her overreacting when she said she was gonna be unable to release new music for the meantime, or 2) stoked that her new music is probably gonna be sad and emotional because of her dog’s death, and I thought both were terrible. Do you know who you are, or what you want to become? I’m getting there, don’t pressure me lmfao. Do you have your future mapped out? Or are you just taking it day by day? Day by day. I have a good big picture planned out, but I also like living in the now. What are you going to do now? I dunno if I want to take another survey or watch YouTube videos now. But directly after hitting post on this I’ll definitely take another sip of my coffee and give my dog cuddles for a few minutes since he just woke up from his nap.

Adult Onset, Ann-Marie MacDonald

Rating: Great Read Genre: Realism, Literary Representation: -Lesbian protagonist -Lebanese protagonist -Protagonist with anxiety/panic disorder Trigger warnings: Infant death, Stillbirth (explicit), Child abuse, Child sexual abuse (not in scene), Homophobia, Misogyny, Biphobia, Animal death, Internalized racism, Reclaimed D-slur

Note: Not YA; somewhat sexual but not explicit

Transitioning into reading more adult fiction than YA in your early twenties is often unpleasant.  Disturbing topics make a happy home in adult fiction, and they don’t always announce themselves in the book jacket.  (Adult Onset’s book jacket even describes the novel as “hilarious” - a fact which is hilarious in itself. Are adults okay?) The disturbing topics aren’t bad in and of themselves.  Adult readers of these difficult literary novels can sometimes resonate with the battle between ugliness and meaning, finding catharsis in the trenches.  Some readers may even find an unpolished aspect of themselves reflected in the novel, their relationship to the book becoming a form of literary therapy. The books that save lives are rarely the easiest reads.  By the same token, undertaking a difficult literary novel can put a bitter taste in your mouth. Sometimes that moment of catharsis isn’t worth the taste.

I found myself waffling over my opinion about Adult Onset.  On the one hand, it’s about the generational gift of abuse from mother to daughter, and the ugliness of that abuse is not safely contained within a “bad guy” the reader can despise, but in sympathetic characters.  It’s an uncomfortable book with a subject matter that isn’t going to appeal to the escapist reader, that’s for sure.  On the other hand, as we get older, many of us develop more tolerance for morally gray characters as we discover that we are morally gray ourselves; it can even be refreshing to read about someone with our same flaws - flaws bad enough we might hesitate to speak about them - treated not as evil, but human.  Reading Adult Onset, I felt myself straddling that line.  Yes, Adult Onset was an uncomfortable, unhappy read.  But at the same time, I saw glimpses of myself in the main character’s serious anger and anxiety.  While I’m not a mother in my mid-forties struggling to manage a suburban household, anyone who has had to grapple with mental illness or abuse will feel kinship to Mary Rose.

Adult Onset is one of those books that can’t be measured by plot. The narrative is urged forward by the compulsion of symmetry, not linear time, and so the story takes a beautiful, mirrored shape, rather than the parabola of a plot arc.  The central character, who is the line across which the shape of the story is reflected, is Mary Rose (“Mister” for short), a lesbian mother of two who used to write YA novels, but who has since traded roles with her wife in favor of home-making, giving her wife a chance to follow her career as a theater director.  Mary Rose has untreated anxiety that causes her to catastrophize everything in her life.  She has untreated anger that causes her to yell and throw things in front of her kids.  She is kind of a dick, to use the most accurate term, which causes her to ask her wife, “If she got the flowers?” when Mary Rose never sent any flowers (but feels like she might be in trouble if she doesn’t make some claim at a redeeming quality).  Mary Rose is also the heir to two generations of abuse.  Her maternal grandfather married a twelve year old child.  Her mother hit her and her brother (her elder sister had a different experience). Both parents rejected her in the most severe way when she came out as a lesbian in her twenties.  She has chronic pain from childhood bone cysts, a pain which leads her down the rabbit hole of memory as she tries to find some closure on a childhood that her aging parents don’t fully remember anymore.  

Adult Onset is a good book.  It’s a beautiful piece of art.  The structure of the novel is inspired, leaving one more than satisfied with the symmetrical beauty of it all.  The narrative about Mary Rose is inter-cut with glimpses from Mary Rose’s mother’s perspective, showing the reader not an old woman with memory loss, but the young mother struggling with postpartum depression she once was.  We also receive the perspective of the main character from Mary Rose’s popular YA book series, a young girl whose magical adventures were unwittingly inspired by Mary Rose’s trauma.  These snapshots of other points of view are unannounced, and even confusing at first - but therein lies their value.  Mary Rose’s identity bleeds into her mother and her main character, and the structure of the novel itself illustrates that.

Adult Onset is a good book.  It takes Mary Rose’s flaws, holds them before the reader, and says: motherhood is not easy, and you’re not a bad person for floundering. It explores where the line is, that makes a person irredeemable.  Mary Rose almost hits her toddler, and she thinks with horror - what if there is an alternate universe where she really did?  She thinks about her own life in those terms, considering that while she is the Mary Rose who was abused by her parents, perhaps there is an alternate Mary Rose who wasn’t.  She loves and defends her parents as if they didn’t pass her trauma down to her, as if she were the lucky Mary Rose - yet she still contends with the unhappy result. She asks herself: if her parents don’t even remember her childhood anymore, are they still the parents who did and said the things that hurt her?

Adult Onset is a good book, but it is also a book that very artfully dances around a concerning issue with its theme.  Herein lies the problem: Adult Onset gives itself an almost impossible task, that of fixing Mary Rose’s unhappy life into a somewhat happy ending.  Mary Rose almost hit her toddler, her marriage is on the rocks because she keeps yelling at her wife, and she refuses therapy to the bitter end.  The reader won’t be satisfied with the realism of the book if Mary Rose changes too much for the better, nor will the reader be satisfied with an unhappy ending.  In the end, Mary Rose doesn’t really change, so much as realize she can ask for help.  She asks a friend to come over and stay with her for a couple of days while her wife is out of town, and she has an all-day play-date with a mom from her son’s preschool - a mom who Mary Rose has always believed is perfect, but who whispers to Mary Rose, “You saved my life today.”  Mary Rose could have said the same thing, a fun little turn of the tables with the positive message that there is no perfect mother.  Women suffer far too much unaddressed misery, desperation, and shame (with dire consequences), but there is solace and reprieve in one another’s support. This one play-date, and the lesson therein, is the cathartic moment of the novel.

Yet one play-date carries a heavy burden, if it is to be the cathartic moment of a novel about abuse, infant mortality, anger, anxiety, lesbianism, and motherhood.  On reflection, a reader might be more horrified than satisfied, that a play-date is the only help Mary Rose is to receive. Perhaps MacDonald would agree, because after this play-date from heaven, Mary Rose’s life magically falls into place in all sorts of ways.  She’s the mom who has it together now, offering organic pretzels to the lesser mothers who forgot to pack a snack for the park.  She even makes peace with a memory of her father’s homophobia, satisfied by how far he’s come in the twenty years since.  Her wife, who hasn’t wanted sex over the course of the novel, suddenly changes her mind when she finds some lingerie that Mary Rose bought for herself (even though she didn’t even really want it). Mary Rose’s experience of gender is what some readers might call dysphoric, but Mary Rose herself calls “internalized misogyny.”  She feels like it’s wrong of her to be uncomfortable with womanhood, so when her wife tells Mary Rose to wear the lingerie to bed, reminding her with exasperation that “I’m attracted to women,” Mary Rose falls in line.  What a tidy ending! Motherhood? Resolved. Relationship with parents? Resolved. Sex life? Resolved. Complicated lifelong relationship to gender? Resolved.

This was the real key to my discomfort with the ending of the novel.  The message seems to be: if you’re about to self-destruct (taking your children down with you)... just get with the program.  At your breaking point? Just ask your friend to come over with spaghetti.  Just set up a play-date.  Just perform motherhood better.  Just perform womanhood better.  How sad is it, that this was all the book could give Mary Rose? If the theme of your novel is also the Nike slogan, it’s not as radical an outlook on life as one might think.

The weak ending aside, there are only a few such cracks in the perfect veneer of Adult Onset.  The Gen X humor is off-putting (What’s up with Facebook, ladies, am I right?), and Mary Rose obnoxiously discredits her wife’s bisexuality, saying “She refuses to call herself a lesbian.”  She still uses the word “transgendered,” too, which even word processors auto-correct these days.  And yet, for all its flaws, Adult Onset is a good book.  If you have anger and have ever been a hair's breadth away from hitting a child in your care - and let’s face it, this is the unspoken shame for many, many mothers - it’s a book that will make you feel seen, and understood.  The mothers that have hit their children in a moment - or months, or years - of weakness are seen too, in Mary Rose’s mother, who is neither torn down nor excused, but simply put to the page.

Adult Onset is a good book, yes, but do I recommend it?  Not to everyone.  It’s a frustrating book.  It covers topics that may be triggering. It’s a book that can, and probably will, ruin your day (Gen X humor just isn’t enough to cut the despair, folks).  On the other hand, it offers an underlying message that not every book can give you: Even if you didn’t solve the problem, even if you’re just barely hanging on by a toxic “Just do it!” attitude, there is grace for you.

For more from Ann-Marie MacDonald, visit her website here.

They/Them or She/Her

Happy Priiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!! 🌈🏳️‍🌈

I got a couple of pics in before heading out to the Chicago Pride Parade today and even talked my mom into taking a couple selfies with me while we were there!

I’m also in the process of coming out to every person I know that I haven’t yet. Most of these are people that are very important to me, but either I don’t get to see them very often and/or they’re more conservative and not at all educated on LGBTQ issues. To that end, I finally wrote a coming out letter and I thought I’d post it here just in case anyone else wanted to use portions of it! 😁

Dear ________,

In case you didn’t already know, this month is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. Both because of this and, more importantly, because I respect and cherish our relationship, I feel compelled to tell you that I am transgender. Specifically, I am non-binary, genderfluid, and transfeminine (more on all of those terms later). Although I have always questioned my gender, I came out to myself in November of 2016. Now I feel it is the right time for absolutely everyone to know.

I have written, deleted, rewritten, and revised this letter many times over many months because I want it to be as clear as possible. To that end, I thought it best to organize it as a list of questions directed towards myself, questions that I would expect you to have. Of course if you ever want me to explain something more, an answer doesn’t make sense, or you have a question that isn’t on here, PLEASE TALK TO ME. You might find that reading these questions and answers are enough, but if you don’t, I would much rather you talk to me directly rather than speculate, be confused, or turn to the internet which may have misleading or inaccurate information. On this last point, I don’t just mean anti-LGBTQ+ websites and organizations; gender is a very complicated and personal experience, so even pro-LGBTQ+ literature may define or explain terms in ways that are different from how I apply them to my gender experience.

Q1. How do you know/what makes you think you’re transgender? A1. Like almost all LGBTQ+ people will tell you, I always knew I was somehow different from most of the other kids. For me, it was about never feeling completely comfortable or understood by boys and men. For as long as I can remember, I have not only preferred the company of girls and women, but I have never felt “like one of the boys.” My closest friends have always been (and continue to be) women. Even in films, TV shows, video games, novels, and short stories, I almost immediately identify with female characters, but rarely do I do the same with male characters.

Have I been able to “fit in” with boys/men in the past? Yes, of course I have, because society has always suggested that I should and that there would be consequences if I didn’t. Did I enjoy the act of having to hide, censor, and think very deliberately about my behavior so that I wasn’t bullied or seen as weird? Absolutely not. I went to sleepovers at my male friends’ houses in grade school, but I hated them. I would get terrible anxiety as the scheduled day came closer and once I got there, I couldn’t wait for them to be over. I hated “acting like a boy.” It brought me literal pain and discomfort.

These feelings of pain, discomfort, and anxiety are symptoms of what is known as dysphoria. Dysphoria is an experience that nearly all transfolk experience. Euphoria is the feeling that everything is perfect—being in a state of mind that is complete bliss and one that you hope will never end. Dysphoria is the opposite of that. It’s the feeling that everything is wrong—a mental and emotional state of torture that feels like it will swallow you up and crush your spirit forever. When applied to transfolk specifically, dysphoria is what we used to mean when we said things like “I feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body” or vice versa. That phrase typically isn’t used any more because it implies that a person is only a man if they have a “male body”/a woman if they have a “female body,” but the intended meaning is the same.

I know that I’m transgender because I experience dysphoria. There are days that I look at myself and I just want to throw up because I don’t feel like I look right from a gender perspective. It feels like I’ve hijacked some other person’s body, like there’s a disconnect between my mind and the person I see in the mirror. Some days I look at my men’s clothes and putting them on feels like putting on clothes made of fire or acid. I see the hair on my legs and I want to rip each and every one of them out. This is dysphoria and it feels terrible.

Q2. What do you do when you feel this way? A2. Before I came out in November of 2016, I just buried it. As a child, I of course had no idea why I felt this way. Not only that, but even in the 1990s society wasn’t ready to talk about gender the way we talk about it now, so the idea of saying I was transgender could never cross my mind because there was next to no representation of transfolk. But now, when my dysphoria hits, I don’t avoid it. I listen to my body, think to myself, “Ok, so you’re not a man today,” and adjust my gender presentation accordingly. This brings me to my specific labels of being non-binary and genderfluid.

Traditionally in Western/American culture, we think of gender as a binary experience—everyone is either a man or a woman. Even most transfolk that you may be familiar with, like Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings, Laverne Cox, and Chaz Bono, are all binary transfolk. They identify as the “opposite” gender they were assigned at birth. Being non-binary means that I don’t completely identify as a man OR as a woman. Some non-binary people identify as more male than female, more female than male, or feel that they have no gender at all (this is known as being agender). However, I also identify as genderfluid, which means that similar to how water (or any fluid) in a glass can move fluidly in a glass depending on how you tilt it, my gender also moves fluidly.

Try thinking about gender as a spectrum (which nearly all psychologists agree it is), a line from 0 to 10. On one end, you have the feeling of being completely male all of the time and on the other side being completely female.

Though it is impossible to qualify with any kind of numbers, I would say my gender identity varies from day-to-day anywhere between a 4 and and a 10. Because I am more likely to be on the feminine side of the spectrum (6-10), I can also say that I’m transfeminine, meaning that while I don’t identify as a woman every single day (and thus am not a trans woman), I do, on average, tend to feel more like a woman than a man.

So, on days that I’m at a 4 or a 5, I probably just look like what you would expect a man to look like. However, if I’m at a 7, maybe I’ll wear “mens clothes” but also wear some make-up and/or nail polish. If I’m at a 9 or 10, I probably will wear “womens clothes,” make-up, a stuffed bra, and sometimes a wig. However, no matter what my gender expression/presentation is, I’m always non-binary.

Q3. Does this mean you’re a crossdresser? A3. No. Crossdressing is a hobby, which is totally fine if that’s what you’re into. It usually refers to men who always identify as men but find it “fun” to dress in women’s clothes. When I’m a man, I wear men’s clothes. When I’m a woman, I wear women’s clothes. It’s not a fetish or a hobby. I dress for whatever my gender is that day.

Q4. Does this mean you’re gay? A4. Because my gender is constantly shifting, labels like straight, gay, lesbian, and bisexual don’t apply to me. A person’s sexuality is defined not only by who they’re attracted to, but also their own gender. A man who is a attracted to men is gay. A woman who is attracted to men and women is bi. I am only attracted to women, but I myself am neither a man or a woman, so I can’t say that I’m straight, nor can I say that I’m a lesbian. Therefore, it’s most accurate for me to say that I’m attracted to women and just leave it at that.

Q5. What am I supposed to call you now? Are you changing your name? A5. I still go by Rich. If I’m in a very public place (like when placing an order at Starbucks for example) and I’m identifying/presenting as a woman and don’t want to get clocked as transgender, then I use the name Christina.

The only big change is that I don’t go by gendered pronouns (he/him or she/her). Like most non-binary people, I go by the gender neutral they/them. For example, a friend of mine wouldn’t say, “That’s my friend, Rich. He is an English teacher.” Instead, that friend would say, “This is my friend, Rich. They are an English teacher.” You might notice that I changed the gender preference on Facebook to reflect this (i.e. “Rich has changed their profile picture”).

Also, in general, I do not appreciate being addressed with terms/phrases like “Hey man” or “What’s up, dude?” I understand that most of the time when people use “man” or “dude,” they don’t mean it in a gendered way, but it still really aggravates my dysphoria to be called “dude,” even if I’m identifying/presenting as more masculine.

I also understand and can respect that having to think about my pronouns like this may seem strange and/or difficult to remember, but all I ask is that you try your best and definitely don’t misgender me on purpose.

Q6. Are you going to have “the surgery”/a sex change? A6. Just for the record, the term “sex change” isn’t used any more; the medical term is gender reassignment surgery (or GRS). But no, I am not. I do not plan on undergoing any kind of surgery to change my sex nor do I plan on taking hormones. My wardrobe and gender pronouns are enough to qualm any dysphoria.

I know that this is a lot to take in, both literally in the sense that it was almost 2,000 words long and uses terms you might never have heard of before, but also that it might be emotionally difficult, so thank you if you’ve made it this far into this letter. All I can say is that I wanted to come out to you because I love you and because I care about our relationship. I don’t want to be ashamed or hide who I am from you any more. Take as much time as you need to process this and again, please, if you have any more questions or concerns, talk to me. You can call me, text me, or write me a letter of your own, whatever makes you most comfortable.

Much thanks and even more love, Rich

Skam Austin episode 4 reaction

part of me is laughing at the number of people in the Facebook comments asking, “Is this on Netflix?”

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Sad couch crew

I felt Tyler and Shay were being friendly to Megan here, not snide, at least on a superficial level. Though I guess you can take their excitement about the concert as passive-aggressiveness.

Tyler mentioning the Illuminati - how very Isak. TBH I really hope Julie is making both Shay and Tyler gay, since they’re dividing up the Isak moments between the two. I’m fine if Tyler doesn’t get the big season-long arc and it goes to Shay instead, I’d love to see her get it. But it’s just going to leave such a bad taste if they’ve made Isak into a wlw with no equivalent to the gay male representation that already existed, when there are many supposedly straight female characters who could be have been made into wlw. Especially the Vilde equivalent, who you could easily give a story about discovering and accepting her sexuality, or the Chris character, who didn’t have her own season and really didn’t have any substantial character issues suggested on the level of Vilde’s home life, and would benefit from a meaty arc. 

I love Shay, she’s definitely one of the highlights of the show, I’m just tired of all the fighting over whether it’s better for S3 to focus on a gay boy or a lesbian and seeing a lot of gross shit in the discussions that’s either minimizing the importance of an f/f storyline because homophobia is worse for men in Texas/lesbians don’t have it that bad/lesbians are already represented on TV because they’re accepted by straight men who find them sexy/someone doesn’t care about lesbians and will only accept Evak 2.0, or minimizing the importance of Evak/another m/m storyline because Skam and the other remakes already have gay ships so don’t get greedy/gay men are already accepted because look at all the m/m on Tumblr and AO3/people only want another Evak because they’re disgusting fetishizers. It’s fucked up how most of these talk relies on the assumption that there can be only one LGBT story on Skam at a time and not pushing back on why it goes without question that S1 and a hypothetical S2 about Grace/Daniel can both be about heterosexual relationships. 

Not to be one of those obnoxious people referencing YA novels in response to real life situations, but it makes me think of Katniss at the climax of Catching Fire when her group of Tributes is fighting the Career Tributes and she fires at the force field instead. Remember who the real enemy is. 

That’s a joke, don’t take that too seriously.

Anyway I’m tired. 

Considering how shitty he’s been acting previously, Tyler not laughing at Marlon’s comments and just deliberately eating a potato chip is a step up for him.

Speaking of the chips, they disappear in between shots and I guess Tyler could be putting the bag on the floor between takes or something but it looks like a regular old continuity error.

Marlon is a mega dick and I dislike him but I kinda can’t believe that I agreed with him about the team’s social standings vs. their practice time. But it was Marlon who said it so it sounded like a dick move.

See, he’s been such a dick that it’s hard to feel sorry for him! But also he’s in the right to feel hurt about the concert.

I don't have much to say except he is the least convincing person to be talking about how he’s not upset and he doesn’t care. He’s so obviously pissed.

There’s just not a shred of chemistry between these two. I don’t get why they’re together, I don’t get what they like about each other, they barely seem to have much fun together. There isn’t much of a rapport.

Pointless personal anecdote #1: When this clip came out, I watched it on my phone at a graduation party, and I'm not kidding, in the few minutes while I was watching some middle-aged parents started talking about wanting to move to Texas when they retire, and they named cities and singled out Austin as a bad choice because “it’s been overtaken by liberals,” lmao. There was no way they could have realized I was watching a show set in Austin. The stars just aligned.

Clip 2 - Kelsey, no

Grace is really concerned about Kelsey sleeping with Daniel so soon, probably because what happened in her own past messed her up.

“Ever since I was a little girl watching the Super Bowl, I knew I was going to lose my virginity to a football player.” .... when I was a little girl watching the Super Bowl I only cared about seeing the commercials with the pretty horses.

“It was like he was going down on me, but in my mouth” … oh my God … someone SAVE this child.

Kelsey, you don’t even know what anyone going down on you in the “correct” place feels like, and this just makes you sound like inexperienced and Not Ready . And I’m glad Meg and Grace are suitably horrified.

Oh, they actually mentioned the issue of insurance, that’s good. But she looked a little uncomfortable with the topic of insurance, so if she has a similar financial situation to Vilde, insurance might be an issue? Or, as was hinted later via texts, she might have a super religious or conservative mom who would not take her to the doctor. She might be able to go to Planned Parenthood for birth control except I’m not sure if minors can get prescriptions for the pill without parental consent because well, Texas.

I checked out of curiosity and it looks like the only type of birth control you can get at PP without parental consent are condoms and lol, Grace already had that covered.

“You know you should use a condom, right?” “What if he doesn’t want to use a condom?” “Then you know you shouldn’t have sex with him.” YES. JESUS. Thank you Grace.

“I talked to Jo this weekend and I prayed about it last night” Oh come on, they’re going to have her mention praying about Zoya’s participation on the team and then not even address the sex-religion topic? Okay. Kelsey doesn’t even have to be abstinent or opposed to premarital sex, not all Christians are, I feel like it just makes sense for someone to be like, “Isn’t having sex before marriage against your religion?” And if Kelsey objected to the question on the grounds that they’re making assumptions about her religion, they could always come back at her with “Well, you assumed Muslims couldn’t dance.”

Kudos to Grace for talking sense about the Zoya situation and being very calm and careful about the Daniel thing.

Clip 3 - Backseat

The editing at the start of the clip made me think the mom might be talking to Megan at first but no, the mom is on her phone. Mom’s communication skills weren’t so great in this clip.

The dialogue is pretty on the nose and super specific to the theeeeeeme, with the mom putting all this implied pressure on Megan, but the passive aggressiveness about Megan’s dad is sadly accurate to how certain married-with-kids dynamics are, with the parents always at each other’s throats and dismissive of each other and not caring about how the kids react to these constant fighting. 

I saw some people wondering why Megan was sitting in the backseat and honestly, that didn’t seem too weird to me. It’s not typical but I’ve ridden in the backseat even when I was the only passenger before (usually because sometimes riding in the front seat makes me sick)  but I could see like, a moody teenager wanting to text her boyfriend and not wanting her mom to glance over at her phone. Although the simplest explanation is that Julie wants to hide the parents’ faces.

I didn’t even notice the giant concert posters at first, I was focused on the homeless man. I am assuming he was there to remind us of the stakes to succeed in this world if you’re much of a “dreamer” as Meg’s mom puts it, where if you don’t get a good job that can be you living on the streets, and to get a good job you need to get a degree from a good school, and to get a degree from a good school you need to perform well in high school, and if you make one mistake you are ruined, RUINED forever. 

Meg trying to ask her mom for relationship advice and instead getting reminded that her parents have a shit relationship, lovely. 

The difference in the tone between the coworker call and the dad call is very telling. Right off the bat, when the dad calls, the mom has a pissed-off attitude. They’re at the stage where they fight just to fight.

Also, note the guilt trip caused by the mom yelling at the dad for not remembering she was going to her friend’s (and like, who cares, I mean this might be part of a larger problem but this sounds like the pettiest shit to argue about) and saying people show they appreciate and support each other by listening and taking interest in their loves, when that’s exactly what Megan didn’t do (skipping Marlon’s show that he was so hyped for) and that’s how she feels she can make it up to him (by buying tickets to the concert he had mentioned).

And the mom says people show they care by listening when she doesn’t even listen to her own daughter and interrupts her when she’s trying to ask a question, and she’s definitely not paying attention to Megan’s life. Like, how is it that they can miss that she’s not on the dance team? Surely the team has some performances or competitions that they’d attend? Fundraisers? I can see them not attending all of Megan’s dance performances, but any of them? 

Megan’s mom is a piece of work, though I’m sure the dad plays his part in the dysfunction too, I don’t want to put it all on the mother.

Clip 4 - Straw

Franz Ferdinand???

Not that this is the point but I’m intrigued by this locker setup. But I am from a place with cold cold winters so the idea of having one of these lockers in January seems terrible.

I was curious if Kendrick Lamar was actually supposed to perform in Austin on Friday, so I checked it out, and lo and behold, it was a real concert. Good job, Skam Austin.

It kinda just makes me sad that THIS is how Meg gets Marlon’s attention again, by buying (probably) expensive concert tickets.

“you two are smashing in that bathroom by the nurse’s office” at least you’re nearby if you need offbeat advice and some condoms? Oh wait, this is Texas. Never mind the last one.

This is my chance to talk about how gross I find the word “smash” in any sexual context. It just sounds uncomfortable and makes me think of potatoes.

Shoutout to Tyler’s Prince shirt, certainly a unique wardrobe choice.

Man, Kelsey is just such an easy target. Especially with the way she talks, like-like-like … blood in the water. Tyler and Shay are not here for Kelsey and Jo right off the bat and once Kelsey opens her mouth, it’s doom.

At least Kelsey had the sense to keep Zoya on the team list even if it was for self-serving reasons.

I applaud these actresses for effort, but every version of the iconic spoon scene has felt forced compared to the original. Josefina, my darling, if you’re going to be seductive with your straw, you might wanna purse your lips instead of letting it roll around in and out of your mouth.

I think it’s great that Jo and Tyler spoke Spanish to each other, and that they didn’t have subtitles, but lol at the brazenness of asking that question right in front of Shay when Shay could possibly speak Spanish herself. Or lmao, anyone who has taken Spanish I could understand what she was saying. (Like what if Shay was his girlfriend? Kinda think Jo isn’t concerned with technicalities.)

Calling him jefe, lmao, wow.

Tyler referring to Kelsey as Drew Barrymore made me laugh. Do kids these days have a firm grasp on Drew Barrymore’s legacy? What has she been in recently other than Santa Clarita Diet?

Maybe instead of references to Romeo + Juliet, we can get allusions to Ever After, The Wedding Singer, or Never Been Kissed. (Maybe not that last one.)

Also, I’m glad Meg spoke up for Kelsey so they weren’t just bashing her new friends.

Clip 5 - Internet quizzes should not be used to make major life decisions

Zoya is just looking through a book while Kelsey is talking.

Some of Kelsey’s rules: 

“Always act classy”

“No cursing, fighting, messy hair or appearance” while wearing the uniform

“Positive vibes ONLY”

But yeah, here’s another example of why the dance team wasn’t the best way to adapt russ because like … of course Kelsey is being rude and ridiculous, and I can’t say I’m on her side against Zoya, but … if the team founder calls a meeting to discuss rules, it’s expected that you will be there to discuss the rules and not blow it off? 

With Vilde’s bus, first of all, russ was several years away and they had time to pull it all together. A dance team is going to require some results in the near future, especially if the team is school-approved and getting them out of P.E. Someone is probably going to be checking up on the girls and making sure they’re not getting P.E. credit for sitting around and doing nothing. Second, pretty sure a bus group is not going to require as much day to day practice, training, and energy as a dance team.

I don’t know, however silly Kelsey’s motivations might be, if you sign up for someone’s dance team … you should expect to dance, dude. That goes for all the girls.

When prompted to give her opinion of Zoya, Jo cleverly deflects with the quiz, as her opinion of Zoya is clearly ❤️❤️❤️

I do love and appreciate Grace trying to persuade Kelsey to rethink the whole sleeping with Daniel thing. Not being too harsh, but being firm and not hesitating to point out all the ways it’s not a good choice.

Also being like “keep in mind he’s not your boyfriend” thank youuuu.

Kelsey sure doesn’t like that part about people judging her for having premarital sex. At least they might bring it up in the aftermath of hooking up with Daniel?

“That definitely didn’t happen.” “It did happen and she can’t eat Sweet Tarts anymore.” Jo continues to be the shining star of this show, I laughed out loud at her delivery of that line. 

Whenever one of the Chrises is like “I was totally wasted” about their first time, I’m just like 😧

Kelsey saying option A on the quiz, for her “boyfriend” and her being closer once they sleep together, is the most depressing thing. Stop this train before it goes off the rails.

Oh God. Kelsey does not need to be anywhere near a penis at this juncture. The way she starts giggling and laughing when Grace suggests to think about what turns her on about Daniel … you are not ready to have sex. You are barely ready to talk about sex. None of the Vildes has seemed so young and not ready to go through with this.

Kelsey did not talk about not wanting to be involved in lesbianism, hmmmMMMM. Foreshadowing? Or maybe Julie just realized that people didn’t like the casual lesbophobia if you don’t have a lesbian character? 

I haven’t been all that complimentary to the actors on this show, but I do want to give Kelsey’s actress some props for reciting that whole monologue, which is just a detailed Teen Vogue photoshoot.

It’s amusing that Kelsey integrated the Kittens uniform into her erotic fantasy but sad that Kelsey still wants to be a Kitten so much. She’s not wearing a uniform for her own group, whatever she might want it to be, she’s wearing a Kitten uniform in her ideal scenario.

You know Jo is listening to this fantasy and getting inspiration for her next Kelsey makeup experiment.Also, it makes me laugh that they’re having this discussion in a library.

Overheard in Bouldin - TMI Girl in Library: “People get turned on my different things all the time. My cousin’s thing is dirty socks. She keeps a pair of her ex-boyfriend’s in a Ziploc bag under her bed.”

May we one day meet this intriguing cousin of yours, Jo.

But don’t encourage this Daniel nonsense.

It’s too bad we didn’t get the classic doctor visit but lol, a school doctor in Texas might not be able to be so blatant with the sex ed tips, so I get it. And ultimately I would prefer if Julie tried out new scenes instead of trying to recreate old ones.

At first I thought Kelsey maybe didn’t know who Kendrick Lamar was. Which is perfectly plausible, let’s be real.

“When I have ever asked you for anything?” In the short time Meg has known you, Kelsey ... find Jo, join the dance team, get closer to Penetrator Jo, give you her birth control pills.

Clip 6 - Bowling

Kelsey’s outfit is almost exactly what she described in her fantasy! No access to a Kittens dance uniform, but otherwise very close. Follow your dreams, kids. 

“Martin had a dream … Martin had a dream …” look, I like that Skam uses a variety of music and not just white indie rock, but can we like … quit syncing music by black artists talking about black cultural topics to scenes of this white dude being a big deal.

Look at that dipshit taking up two parking spaces. Fuck offffffffffffff

Kelsey looks so happy and Daniel looks like he’s already 75% checked out.

How long is this Kendrick bowling montage going to go on?

Ha, Kelsey easily had the worst bowling score of the four of them.

“Daniel just touched my ass.” The way Kelsey was thrilled about this was kind of cute and alarming.

Kelsey wanting Meg to stay with them as long as she can makes me think she really just doesn’t want to go through with the impending loss of virginity.

“Then how’d you know my name at Talent Night?” I mean ... you do go to school together, and Jo is on the football team with a high social profile. I could name a lot of my high school classmates by name even if I’ve never spoken to them.

Is Julie going to go full Chris/Eva with this version to give the shippers their day in the sun? I love original Eva/Jonas but Meg/Marlon is an unpleasant trainwreck so I can’t say I’m disappointed. I mean I can’t say I love Meg/Penetrator Jo either,, but I’m not sad about this version of Eva/Jonas not being endgame.

Penetrator Jo is still sleazy in at least a few respects (don’t be a cocktease) and we have still have to meet his girlfriend but his memory of her seems legit so maybe he does really like her. Unless, I don’t know, he stalked her IG and remembered some relevant details and embellished this whole story?

Lmao, I can get why people might think the “No Signal” scenario would be a contrivance but that exact thing has happened to me, so I buy it.

I will give Julie this credit, she’s good at setting up Fredag/Friday scenarios where we think one thing will happen, and instead something else occurs that’s completely different from the fan theories. I figured it would be as simple as Meg or Marlon missing the concert, not that we’d spot Marlon (or “Marlon”) with Abby

I don’t think it’s Marlon, though. That seems a lot like Tyler’s walk, and the person doesn’t seem to be wearing Marlon’s ugly shoes. 

General Comments:

It’s kind of depressing to see people in the FB group and in the comments be like, “I haven’t seen the original show but could Grace be a lesbian? 😃” and the replies be like “No, Noorhelm is coming 😃”

Another “fun” aspect of having this show on Facebook: the MAGA edgelord assholes who leave comments on the episodes about “cucks” and “libtards.”

My opinion of Grace rose so much in this episode just by how doggedly she is trying to bring Kelsey back to earth. and telling her she can back out of this choice. 

In the texts, Grace said she would buy condoms for Kelsey - good job - and later, when Kelsey asked the girls what she should wear for losing her virginity, said, “I know what Daniel will be wearing” and said that she put condoms in Kelsey’s purse - excellent job.

I feel like Grace would roll the condom on Daniel’s dick herself if it meant Kelsey had safe sex.

Abby was stressing over finals on IG so I’d bet that was a hint she needed something to help her out, hence meeting up with Marlon/Tyler for Adderall.

I was wondering what kind of music would be on Skam Austin since original Skam had all sorts of high-profile artists, and that would not be cheap, but so far, it seems like Facebook spared no expense with the soundtrack.

Grace and Shay had IG posts reacting to the Santa Fe High School Shooting. IDK how much Skam Austin would address gun violence in the episodes itself in the future, and I can think of ways it could go very badly, but sadly, as one of the biggest concerns of American teenagers today, it would be very relevant, and that’s what Skam’s supposed to be, after all.

Gaillot joins workers at Mom Caroline Academy

Magdalena Gaillot has joined the employees of Dorchester’s Mom Caroline Academy as the school’s Admissions and Outreach coordinator via a two-12 months grant from the Women’s Foundation of Boston. Learners at the Academy will return to in-human being instruction on April 5.  The Grove Hall school, Boston’s only tuition-cost-free option for middle university ladies, is at this time celebrating its 28th yr. Just one hundred % of MCA graduates go on to enroll in college and most receive complete scholarships to competitive secondary faculties. 

“We are energized to welcome Magdalena Gaillot as our Admissions Coordinator,” said Head of University Annmarie Quezada. “MCA is thriving with 75 percent of learners reaching a B or above tutorial achievement charge.  We have place at the college to provide extra college students and families.” 

A graduate of Providence College and Master’s degree recipient from Northeastern University, Gaillot has been tasked with expanding the school’s enrollment.

“Black representation matters and that drives my passion for education and learning,” Gaillot explained. 

For extra data, see mcaec.org or contact 617-427-1177.

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LVLSRVRYHI-059: Jade Statues | The Levels Are Very High

Hey! How's it going? I usually start with the introductions so, for anyone who doesn’t know, who are you / where are you from? It's going well :). My name is Jacob, aka Jade Statues. I live in Vancouver, Canada. 

What are some of your early musical memories? You know, it’s kinda funny. When I was a kid if I was with my Dad we would listen to Ministry and Slayer and stuff like that. We used to drive around listening to "Thieves" when I was like 4 years old. Its still one of my favourite songs. If I was with my Mom we would listen to Boards of Canada and Bjork, and when I think about it now that's pretty much exactly the space I want to be operating in musically. Somewhere between Ministry and Bjork lol. I owe a lot to my parents for exposing me to a wide array of music from a young age, and allowing me to engage the interests I had in learning music.

You've referred to the My Blade EP, out now on TAR, as "the most honest" work you've done up until this point. How do you see that honesty establishing itself across the record? I suppose it feels that way to me because the past 2 years that I've worked on it have been very turbulent - in good and bad ways. I made every track on it in a different setting, each of those settings are very tied to memories now that were born out of that turbulence, if that makes sense. Settings like a 24 Hour Vet Clinic my friends lived in that I stayed at a lot, my parents basement, the house of someone who is very close to me, and the house I live in now that is somewhat isolated from the rest of the city. When I listen to the EP it's sort of like looking at a photo album of the past 2 years, or something like that. Plus, when I started it I didn't know exactly how I wanted it to sound and by the end of it there was this similarity about the tracks that just sort of happened naturally. It's sort of surreal to me.

My Blade by Jade Statues

Alongside the track Machine Birth on your Facebook is a description stating, "A being with great power, borne of Plant and machine, has taken it's first breath. And it will envelop us all." Both this proclamation and the artwork for the record are suggestive of a larger overarching narrative. Could you tell me a bit more about what it is that the EP is drawing on conceptually? Yeah while it is a very honest, personal record to me it's also a concept album, haha. A sentient being is born out of the combined energy of human technology and the earth's natural power, so basically an "Organic machine" - Humans try to obtain, harness, and extract the being's power but the being essentially turns the earth into an extension of itself before they can. The earth is now a sentient organic machine. I've always been inspired by the worlds that metal albums created, sometimes just with album art. Mastodon's "Crack The Skye" changed everything for me when I heard it. I just love writing concept albums lol. 

You worked with Flufflord for the EP art and have a video project in the works with Chrome Destroyer and the resulting pieces show clear relationships to the textures and sounds found on the EP itself. Is there a specific visual or even physical context you see your music existing in? I've always been really interested in visuals and filmmaking from an early age. Tea and Chrome are definitely two of my favourite visual artists right now. I described to them what I was going for musically and they just nailed it visually. I love the format of 3D and I often like to heavily tie it into the whole Jade Statues "universe" if you will, because 3D allows you to create and bend HD imagery in such a way that I like to think I'm doing with music and to me it just sits right. 3D just feels right to me. I would love to have the budget to do elaborate stage designs with visual mapping and such, and I definitely want to make a full length live action film one day. 

Your track 'Invocation' was recently featured as the soundtrack to a video on Memory Hole (Everything is Terrible), a space in which scattered debris of inane internet clips are forced through generative cycles of trash, redigestion and regurgitation. Are these modes of internet discourse reflective of your listening and production habits in any way? I guess you could say they are, I often spend more time messing with samples and making weird sounds than I do actually making songs. I've been a huge fan of those guys for years. I thought it was really funny that they used "Invocation". It's supposed to be like the immaculate orchestra tuning before this grand opera or whatever and they put it with a bunch of people getting stuck in miscellaneous shit. If EIT is reading this, I'd love to play a set at the week long festival of celebration/sacrifice to the Jerry Pyramid when it is built. 

Tell me a bit about s.M.i.L.e. (or Shadows Making Imperfect Love Endlessly) - the party and radio show you run alongside Baby Blue, x/o, Sebastian Ruslan, and J.S. Aurelius. What are the origins of that project? In reference to the name, do you see yourselves as working *in* or *as* shadows? What role does imperfection play in the collective? Me and Baby Blue used to do a party together called "Cyber Spa" with Wobangs and d j b. That had been over for a while and I was itching to start something new, so I hit up Baby Blue and asked them if they wanted to be a part of it, and they said yes. We then asked x/o and Sebastian Ruslan - who both are a part of an art collective / mix series called Immunity - if they wanted to be residents too and they said yes, we decided on the name s.M.i.L.e. , J.S. joined us on our 3rd event and the rest is history..... We are all the shadows! "shadows making imperfect love endlessly" is simply a description of people dancing. I would say imperfection is perhaps a part of all of our creative processes and s.M.i.L.e. is a place we can bring all our styles + our guests styles that might not be similar to ours together and create something special. We like to use our laptops and CDJs in imperfect ways as well ;) 

Did you set out with a particular idea for this mix? Where and how did you record it? I don’t have any mixes online really, so I wanted to make an accurate representation of the of sets I usually play, at s.M.i.L.e. and just in general. I tried to include a lot of my music and a lot of my friends' music. Some of the songs in it are just ones I'm really feeling lately. I recorded it sitting in my bed, and also in my studio on VirtualDJ, then added more effects in Logic after. 

What do you have planned for the rest of 2017? It's almost over! Damn. I really need to save up some money so I can move out of Vancouver. I'm pretty tired of living here. Other than that trying to tour / do as many shows as I can and continue to help curate s.M.i.L.e. :) 

If you had to pick something for people to listen to immediately after this mix what would it be? This, on loop, forever.

Runaways Live Blog

The Runaways is one of the few real comics i have actually read and it lives up to the hype. I only read the first major volume of it and I know the team & story goes on to many more adventures but since I know the begining it will be interesting to see how they adapt it.

Before I even started I was very worried. I am a weirdo that prefers animation to live action. When enjoying a fantasy story I want otherworldly cool looking characters and not normal people from down the street. But seeing the preview images and the trailer I was really impressed. Everyone looks pretty accurate and true to their comic’s counterpart. Molly seems a bit changed as she seem hispanic now instead of white but the group is diversity and of the 4 caucasian characters I think her or Chase would have been the best to change to hispanic. Molly was already the character they have to change the most since I am pretty sure they can’t call her a mutant. I pray they don’t call her an Inhuman! But overall the trailer looked really good and seemed to set the tone well.

Starting off I am already annoyed that we don’t get the scene of Alex and his friends role-playing super heroes. It is a shared Cinematic Universe! Use it! I read in an interview that one of the makers said that people in the Marvel universe would not be facebooking and tweeting about Thor’s new haircut or Iron Man’s new suit..... except you know that is pretty much exactly what happens in the very first few pages of the comic! Ok it is a nitpick! Pretty good besides that. 

The scene showing the random runaway girl getting picked up was weird and creepy but I think it is good to show that runaways are in constant danger. Also I am confused who Alex misses. Also who is Nico referring to? They are all only children.

WAIT! Are Gert and Molly siblings??? WTF! Ok they are changing Molly more than I thought. She also seems older. It would be a bit hard to get an actress to play her as young as in the comics but that is kind of a core concept of her character is that she is the youngest. She is probably still the youngest here but by a much smaller gap so her character really feels diminished so far.

Ok so they all go to the same school, No reason to dislike that change besides me just being a whiny purest at this point. WAIT! His mom agreed to let the friends come over? On Pride Night! Seriously! What an idiot! I know they explain it right afterwards but that is a shitty explanation!

Ok so having them all go to the same school does give us more time to explore their characters before the meeting. I actually like this quite a bit. Pretty cool to see how they grew apart. Also I think Chase benefits the most here. In the original comic I always felt his character made the least sense as he seemed portrayed as a dumb jock but got genius tech powers??? Here we kind of see he was a smart nerd but then became a beefy jock as an act of rebellion while still being a smart guy on the down low. Not sure if I just remember the comic wrong but I like this. Same with Gert. I had a little bit of a hard time remembering her backstory too but here I love her as an ultra feminist. I am sure many people will see her as annoying but I really enjoy her character. Also I remember Carolina’s parents being hollywood actors but here they just run a church. I guess famous actors might be a little too high-profile for the character.

Them discovering their powers is a LOT different. Not sure if I like it or not. But damn Carolina’s powers look cool. I am not sure if they are bad or good special effects but i like them. HOLY SHIT SHE ALMOST GOT RAPED! Oh wow! Actual representation of Wicca! I didn’t expect that. 

Again with this Amy character. She was like Nico’s sister I guess. Interesting new audition. I wonder why they changed it.

So the kids react like they see a girl getting stabbed and murdered but what we see is a girl being put in a sarcophagus. Yeah being buried alive is terrifying but their reactions are definitely to something more gruesome. I think in one cut or script it was more violent.

On to episode 2!

Did they reuse the same rap song they used for the Black Panther trailer?

It is pretty cool that they are giving the parents more backstory. Interesting that it seems like Carolina’s father really is an actor and he is also not in the know.

Ok earlier I complained about them not making the ritual violent enough but I have no complaints about how creepy and disturbing it is! Seeing it from Destiny’s perspective, DAMN!

Episode 2 was good but not much to say besides tension is raising.

THEY REFERENCED FURRIES!

Been pretty into this so I have been forgetting to record my thoughts but that is a good sign.

Nico discovering the Staff of One is pretty cool. Her magic seems a bit different from the comics. Cute that she called Alex over. And hilarious that she pretended to get dirty with him. So that is who the affair is with, very interesting!

“After centuries of patriarchal oppression, me getting to objectify you is just called evening the playing field.“ Best line ever!

I want episode 4 right now!!! They changed a lot of stuff actually. We are still not out of the first issue because they have no actually RAN AWAY YET! So the title is os misleading! They have genre shifted to more of a slow-burn drama. It is good but still feels odd knowing the source material. Even though it is really different I like and i want more!

A little essay about lgbt representation & expectations

Lots of people, myself included, wants more M/M moments than just Flint's memories in BS, for a lot of reasons. One of them is we want Flint to find love again, another is that it's not unreasonable to expect M/M relationship in the story, considering the pirate society's very liberal view on homosexuality. (If you're a BS fan who somehow missed the term "matelotage", look it up).

What some people get a bit irritated at, is that we've seen a lot F/F scenes - and of course M/F scenes - while M/M relationships are not shown, despite the fact that they were not only accepted but also celebrated amongst pirates.

Up until now, I've been thinking that perhaps the authors - who clearly know pirate history better than most people, because this show is one of the most historical accurate ones I've seen in years - didn't add F/F moments but left out M/M moments because F/F moments are far more accepted to "the common" viewer and a very easy way to add some hotness into a show.

I admit, even though I'm bisexual, that I got a little bit tired of the F/F and the F/F/M scenes, because lets be honest: we're so used to those kind of scenes most people who're not true homophobes and haven't lived under a rock the last ten years, hardly think it's a big deal with two women having a hot time together. It sometimes seems as if lesbian sex on screen is alright, simply because a lot of straight men are used to see "lesbian" - BIG fucking marks here - sex in pornos and by that used to see two women together as an act that's fine as long as they're allowed to watch and enjoy.

And as a bisexual person who doesn't really identify with any gender, I think that's just fine. I enjoy M/M and F/F but I very rarely appriciate F/M scenes (we're talking sexual or romantic scenes) in a show because it just bores the hell out of me. I often identify more with men - not always, but quite often - and even though I'm bisexual, I've always felt more comfortable with men for some damn reason. M/M moments in a show is therefor the romantic/sexual moments I ironically enough feel most "represented" in. That's where I can picture myself, even if I'm a biological, bisexual woman who's not TS. My gender identity is very fluid.  

Alright, lets return to the show. Used as I am to the F/F stuff used in so many shows these days, it didn't take long before I actually sighed at the F/F relationships, Max/Eleanor and Max/Anne, thinking "here we go again, showing off tits and pussy in F/F moments to make the straight male audience happy and not that I don't like how it's done, but this is fucking boring". Later, when I read about the matelotages I got even more irritated, since being gay clearly wasn't a problem in that society so where the fuck were the M/M couples? And then the major character turned out to be a GAY MAN, I mean hellooo?! Here we have a society allowing and celebrating M/M relationships while there's no records showing any female matelotages so this seemed... weird. And damn frustrating for a person with my gender identity.

But when thinking about it, Clara Paget said in an interview that Anne's relationship with Max can't be public. And I also remembered what happened to Max when Vane used her to get back at Eleanor. We actually don't see any romantic relationships among the pirates (we leave Silver and Madi out for now and since Miranda is "hidden" and remains a mystery for Flint's crew, she's not seen as Flint's official lover or wife). Vane and Eleanor are in a constant battle for power, emotional and in lack for better words political, while Anne and Jack have an unbalanced relationship where Anne, with Max entering their lives, suddenly finds herself in a very strange situation where she has a deep need for Max, she's "crazy about her", but Max is not a romantic person - honestly I think it's the men who're the romantics in this show - and the relationship M/F/F triangle they share, is not something that ANY of them, especially not Jack, takes easily. And we never gets to see the M/F/F threesome, which is just awesome, because it's not the sex that's interesting, but what's happening inside all three of them and especially Anne.

So yes, we do have a M/F/F relationship in the show, but the way it's performed, is very far from the usual "hot eye candy scene" we've seen in, for example Game Of Thrones and especially Spartacus, a show that, by the way, has one of the best M/M relationship and M/M sex scenes since the original Queer as Folk came out in 1999. (A show I ordered on import VHS from a gay magazine and wasn't allowed to put in the VHS collection by the telly, because my mom thought it was too obscene.) Yeah, think about that, folks! Growing up having to order a damn import VHS where you couldn't understand half of what the actors were saying because you were sixteen going on seventeen and British accents in fast speed with no subtitles were a bitch for a teen who mostly just needed to use English in English classes and while trying to understand music lyrics.

DVD:s were still new, Youtube, Facebook and Netflix didn't exist and the number one search engine was AltaVista. Computers were something not even all middle class families used, Internet costed money by the minute and finding a website for LBGT people to connect was something my generation was the first to experience in our teens. To even think that a F/F or M/M couple would have sex AND a relationship on screen in a show or film that wasn't specifically about lbgt issues and made for an lbgt audience was just something you didn't count on. At all.

Since I realised my gender identity and sexuality both were "different" in my early teens - the word I used back then because I didn't feel I could fit in any category - I read all the lbgt stuff on the library I could find. And when I'd finished it, I read it all again, and again and again. I waited in excitement for the soap operas I followed with minor lbgt characters, living on a kiss for days and watching re-runs on Sundays or recorded it. Believe me, if anyone knows how it feels to not get what you want from shows and movies, it's me - and all the other lbgt people in my age, not to mention older.

When it comes to Black Sails and the lack of M/M moments, I feel divided. On one hand, as a person growing up in a time where a show like Black Sails was unthinkable, I'm so grateful for the fact that this show has a gay head character who - and believe me, I've watched so many M/M movies and M/M moments from shows over the years, so I know what I'm talking about - is not a stereotype. I loved the fact that we got to see so much more of Flint before his secret love was reveiled. That the show makers refused to make a stereotype of him or Thomas. Seeing the comments from straight men being anything from shocked and confused to pissed off when their badass ginger captain turned out not to be straight was amazing - and also a proof of just how important it was to not be too in your face with Flint's sexuality, to make people love/hate/care for the character in a way that made it impossible for all people - except for morons and homophobes - to dismiss him or label him. And that's some damn good character writing.

Since the pirate community was very sexually liberal, and definately when it came to M/M relationships, I'm a bit disappointed that the show has not showed us that. We see no molly boys (male whores) in the brothels and the word matelotage has not been mentioned at all. That's a shame, I think, because this is literally one of the few places in history where M/M couples were actually getting married. And that's fucking huge! I didn't know about this before I looked it up and I've been a part of the lbgt community - and is a history nerd - for eighteen years.

To me, the lack of M/M couples as well as the large amount of F/F scenes in Black Sails, is a disappointment since we both have a gay male character and the time and place the show takes place in, makes M/M moments common. To not see that part of the pirate society's sexual freedom, but see F/F scenes when those must've been far more rare than M/M relationships, considering the hypermasculine environment the pirate community was, is the one thing I could maybe see as the show makers either being blind to or maybe dismissing due to the fact that they know M/M relationships are still something that unfortunately makes a lot of people, and I guess especially straight men, annoyed rather than excited. Tits are an easy way to make people interested and I can't blame the authors for realising that and using it to their advantage. I'm disappointed, but I still understand them.

But the eighteen years that's gone since I ordered Queer As Folk and struggled to understand the fucking accent without subtitles, have made me think of the difference in what I and the lbgt people I knew in late nineties and early 20th, expected when it came to representation. I'm white and lbgt, but saw a lot more black people than lbgt people - and the first ever TS person I saw that wasn't presented as a joke or a dragqueen, was "The Crying Game" from 1992. A movie I didn't get my hands on until 2003.

What I want to say with this post, is not that we should be content with less M/M couples than F/F or F/M couples, not at all. But we need to see Black Sails for what it is: a violent drama in a time where M/M relationships were punishable by death in most "civilized" places. James Flint is not a person who's free from those chains. That, I hope, is clear for anyone who's not slept through this show.

Despite what we think he deserves and what we know about the sexually liberal pirate community, Flint is not a person driven by the feeling that HE deserves love. And the last time he let go of the shame, the man he loved died (as far as he and we know) and if not all, so at least a huge part of James McGraw, died with that love. Even if Flint did love Silver or Billy or any other man, is it really reasonable to expect him to put a person he loves at risk once more, considering what happened with Thomas?

As sad as it is, Flint not letting any man near him in mind AND body again, should not be a surprise for us. And since Madi and Silver has a relationship and Flint probably is aware of how he, whether he intends to or not, seems to drag people down into his darkness. Since Silver is also aware of that and has even spoken openly about that concern directly to Flint, is it really reasonable to expect any of them to risk such vulnerability in that time, place and situation they are in?

Black Sails is a drama and perhaps one of the best historical shows I've ever seen, both when it comes to the story, the characters and the historical accurency. Not giving us a Silverflint, Blint, Gunnbones or Thomasflint relationship would feel sad, I'm the first to admit that. I almost always identify with men and I fall in love with and feel connected with men easier than women, so to me as a person, I would need an M/M relationship if I'm to feel "represented" at all in a romantic and/or sexual way.

But does that mean that the show needs it in order to feel complete? Honestly, I don't know since it's still four episodes left and the show has surprised me in every episode this season to a point where I find it almost impossible to foresee what's going to happen.

And I HATE to sound like a smug older person dismissing younger peoples as entitled millennials as if I'm not a product of my time as much as anyone else. People said the same things about my generation as well, that's how humans are and the last thing I want is for people to be content and grateful for breadcrumbs when the loaf is within reach. But what I wish, as a person growing up in a time where a show like Black Sails had been impossible and you still went to a store to rent a VHS movie (including porn) and you hardly dared to hope for a M/M or F/F kiss in your favourite shows- and if you did, there was likely no one you could share that wish with because coming out was a big fucking thing and you didn't take any chances - please, if you've experienced Youtube, Facebook, Google, Tumblr and downloading sites in your teens and/or early twenties, remember those who, like me, couldn't take even a M/M kiss for granted.

The kind of free spaces to experience and share your love and desires the Internet revolution has given us, didn't exist for us. I was a teen when thw word "queer" was still an insult and Russell T Davies said in an article that it was time to take back the word queer and not letting it be an insult, that it was time for a show where lbgt people weren't portraited as depressed individuals in constant battle with themselves, apologizing for our existence and longing to fit in with the heterosexual norm.

Reading those words meant a lot to me and if you're in your twenties or a teen reading this, trust me, there've been so many changes since a seventeen year old me read that.

So, as a soon to be 34 years old, non-binary, bisexual person who knows more than well how frustrating it is to not feel represented or get what you want from a show when it comes to sexual and/or romantic relationships, I would like to just remind you that striving for more diversity and better representation, shouldn't make us forget that not very long ago, a show like Black Sails with a gay male head character and all the different relationships and personalities shown in the show, had been un-fucking-thinkable. We're not talking seventy, fifty or even twenty years.

With Black Sails we have three lbgt characters who have major roles: Flint, Max and Anne. Non of them are stereotypes. They are all more than their sexual orientation, more than their relationships and when the show is handling their orientation and love interests, it's always complex. It's the same thing with the straight relationships. Anne/Rackham, Vane/Eleanor, Miranda/Flint, Silver/Madi and Woodes/Eleanor are not typical straight romantic couples at all and we should remember that.

If the show ends without any M/M moments then yes, I will be sad about that. But I don't think the reason for not adding it, is because of the creators being narrowminded or wanting to please a straight crowd. They've showed us over and over again that Black Sails is something more than a show about pirates doing pirate stuff. Not giving us a relationship that suits a modern person's view on M/M couples in a show taking place in the 1700th doesn't make the creators cowards, narrowminded or queerbaiting.

And this show has never been a tale of romance, no matter what we want to read into glances, touches and tone of voices. Will I be sad if I don't get an M/M moment? Of course. But, just to once again look back in history, not nearly as sad as all the real lbgt people in that time - and also in some places on earth in our time - who faced a very real death threat for loving someone of the same gender, or breaking the norms of gender roles.

Black Sails is their history and their time, and James McGraw has suffered so badly for breaking the heterosexual norm, he lost a part of himself. To count on him even to dare and reach out to another man easily again with that loss, guilt and grief inside him, is to not see the whole character.

We wish him that happiness, as modern free people with empathy should, but can James Flint allow himself to take that chance again? Is it really realistic to expect that? And if he can't, does that really make Black Sails a less good show? My answer to that is just: hell no.

10/18/17: It started out that my dad and I were at this weird version of Halloween Horror Nights at Universal. I've never actually been to Halloween Horror Nights but I know enough about it to know it's not quite the way I pictured it in my dream. I remember first we were at the front of the park and approaching Rip Ride Rocket, but I remember saying something about the ride and there being a separate initial rise that wasn't nearly as steep and was covered by a white perforated metal tunnel or something. Then we were wandering through a bunch of haunted hallways where there was one rather disagreeable woman (who honestly looked like trailer trash) constantly complaining and dragging her two children (who looked like they were about seven to ten) through the haunted hallway. When we reached the end, there was this glass door that led into another small hallway that broke off into a cute little nautical themed store like the kind you'd find at Seaworld. Everything was blue and teal and ivory, very beachy looking, but as we were perusing the store, I remember looking back at the doorway connecting the store to the haunted hallway and seeing none other than my grandma standing there??? Which was really strange because Halloween Horror Nights is definitely not her speed. She didn't know we were there and didn't see us but I remember pointing her out to my dad and the both of us being very, very confused. Then next thing I know, my dad and I were back in the haunted hallways, this time walking down a blue corridor that led into a well-lit, samely colored room with lots of windows and men in surgical uniforms. One was, I think, prepping to open up a dead body on an exam table. The one that terrified me the most, though, was the janitor near the exit doors as he coughed and opened up a trash bag to put into the garbage can. I know this was obviously a very isolated moment that probably wasn't nearly as terrible as I imagined my mind instantly read "expect vomit" and with the fear of witnessing such a thing (as an emetophobic), I instantly grabbed my dad by the wrist and dragged him to the exit and we stepped out in daylight. From there, the dream changed and all I really remember of this second part was that it was apparently my first day of school and I was sitting in a classroom opening up my backpack only to find my dad had stashed about four or five masive bottles of blue Gatorade in there and a bottle of vodka.

10/19/17: Only one dream last night, or at least that I can remember. It was my first day at my new college and I was extremely lost and confused. As with most dreams, regardless of what I was calling this place, it was very clearly not the same as the real college I'll be attending. Rather, it was just a strange version of it that looked nothing like the real thing. But anyways, it was my first day and I had no idea where I was going or what I was supposed to do. There was a question I had in the back of my mind that I needed someone to answer for me but by now, it's been lost to my subconscious. I remember wandering around the various parts of the school, though, up until I reached a front office style room on the second or third floor with a help desk. There were two people manning the help desk but the one I gravitated towards was actually a girl I had known throughout school and am friends with on facebook. Not that we were exactly friends in real life, more like just acquaintances, but whatever. So she was there manning the one side of the help desk but when I tried to ask her my question and get some sort of explanation, she was incredibly rude to me and refused to help me. At that point, I realized this was all very much a lost cause considering it was the first day of classes and somehow I hadn't even had orientation yet so I didn't have a schedule, an ID card, nothing. A little part of me panicked because I knew once I did go through orientation, I would be starting classes later than everyone else, just jumping right in a week or two late, but I assumed there was nothing I could do about it and that there was no point in me staying there if I had nothing to do and nowhere to go so I just resolved to calling for a ride home. I called my mom but she never picked up her phone so I called my grandparents instead. They actually showed up and I remember them sitting in the parking lot on the bumpers of the parking spaces while I called my mom once again and asked her if I should have her come pick me up now or just have my grandparents drive me home (even though the answer was really obvious and my mom said just have my grandparents take me like I knew she would, since they were already there and whatnot). I remember them seeming really disappointed in me as they sat there on those parking space bumpers, especially my grandpop who I was surprised to see show up in my dream because he's been dead for almost four years. It was nice to see him even if it was only in a dream, but my heart ached to see him look so disappointed in me, and my grandmom, too. The dream basically ended in a hazy memory of piling into their car so they could take me home. I honestly feel like this dream is a pretty accurate representation of my psyche summed up, though. Like feeling helpless, lost, and behind and being a disappointment. That's basically what goes through my head pretty much every day so, you know, thanks subconscious for totally wrapping that all up in a nice little package for me. Totally appreciate it.

EDIT: I also had a terrifying dream last night that I was trying to my contacts in and there was this black ink-like gunk coming off of the lenses and all over my hands whenever I touched them as if there was color on them that was wearing off so that was fun. 

The Rise of the Social Media Doctor

Your doctor is probably using social media at some point in their day. Some people (many of my patients included) are often quite surprised when they hear me talk about being on Twitter, Instagram, or sometimes even just the Internet in general.

Granted, being online wasn’t always typical for me. I used to shy away from it completely. In fact, I was worried that there was no place on social media at all for health care professionals like me.

Until one day the light bulb clicked on inside my head. Or maybe it was more of a dimmer, but growing brighter over the course of several months. I started to see value in tapping into social media from both a health-care and personal wellness perspective. I could actually make a difference, I imagined, by bringing the connections I made with patients behind closed doors out into the public eyes

But that wasn’t solely what drew me in. I also felt like I had to be on it—like I had an obligation to science. It stemmed from what I was reading online, my reactions spanning a range from surprise, to confusion when I checked out my feed.

For instance, I’d feel an explosive mix of amusement and fear as I read medical falsehood after falsehood, all in the span of a single morning’s scroll. Worse, I’d be horrified when I would see what was actually trending in the health conversation (Coffee enemas! Raw water! Jade eggs!), what people believed and were talking about, as if they were Real Things. I’d stare at Twitter with pseudoscience laughing maniacally back at me, daring me to make my move.

At first, I didn’t do anything. Many of us didn’t; we remained quiet, laying low and uninvolved, while a few other physicians dipped their toes into the virtual water. For instance, in 2004, internal medicine physician Kevin Pho, M.D., founded the popular website KevinMD, taking the lead on existing as a physician in the virtual world. And by 2016, ob/gyn and pain medicine physician Jen Gunter, M.D., was dubbed “Twitter’s resident gynecologist” by the Cut for her work debunking nonsense on her blog and her Twitter feed in a no-holds barred way.

So I decided to jump right in and take a stab at things—even if it wasn’t necessarily a precise incision like we physicians are used to. I felt that I needed to—many of us did—as we found ourselves defending evidence-based medicine more and more. Even within the confines of our very own office spaces, it started to feel like doctor and patient were not on the same team.

I created my own brand (@drcorriel), purchased a domain, and started to write a blog. Other doctors did it too, and some of them started to reach out to each other, looking for a way to amplify their voice. That’s when I created a Facebook group, called Doctors on Social Media (or SoMeDocs for short) for which I recruited other physicians to join. If other professions did it with such ease, why couldn’t physicians do it too? The original goal was to learn the tools needed to build a strong presence of physicians on social media, and to conquer it together. But it has since evolved into so much more.

Today, we are over 3,300 physicians strong and growing in number each day. Every one of us SoMeDocs may have our individual pursuits, but we all work as a team—as many other nonmedical groups on social media do—to support one another and accomplish our goals. We have now expanded to other platforms (on Twitter, we communicate using the hashtag #SoMeDocs) and have a website where we share our work. We also have in-person meet-ups called SoMeDocs Engage, in order to network with one another and grow even more. The project, for me, has turned from a leisurely pastime into an international platform, garnering attention beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Here are a handful of responses from physicians within the SoMeDocs community—with followings both big and small—on why and how they use social media, the challenges of it, and why the merging of health care and social media is crucial for patients and their well-being.

1. “So many women use this space for health searches; I want them to have accurate information.”

“The thing I find most frustrating with social media is how products or stories that don't work or are false can spread like wildfire, but other things that are useful and helpful sit in cyberspace.”

—Dana Rice, M.D., urologist (@Dr_DanaRice)

2. “I hear many patients' perspectives on social media and find that many have had horrible [health-care] experiences. I try to learn from those and make myself a better doctor.”

“Doctors need to speak out on behalf of patients, and social media is an effective way to do that. I use it to get my message and the work I am doing out [there], and to network with people who have a similar mission.

“People are going to disagree with you, and not everyone is so nice about it. If you are speaking on a controversial topic, people may attack you. While debate is important, being attacked helps no one.”

—Linda Girgis, M.D., family medicine doctor (@DrLindaMD)

3. “Doctors belong on social media so that they may expand their influence and give a more realistic picture of the medical world.”

“I use social media to promote my new podcast episodes and to inform my groups of new ideas and relevant articles. I am on social media to help promote my brand…and [to help] patients navigate the world of pain management.

“Doctors belong on social media so that they may expand their influence and give a more realistic picture of the medical world—a picture that is not painted by the pharmaceutical companies or Hollywood over-dramatizations.

“Social media has taught me that doctors need to be flexible and capable of relating to the changing environment. If physicians do not adapt to new technology and ways of doing things, they will be surpassed by their younger and more flexible colleagues, who may know how to better utilize social media.”

—David Rosenblum, M.D., pain management specialist (@algosonic)

4. “I want to reach more than just the patients I see in the hospital or my office.”

“There is still significant stigma and lack of knowledge about mental illness; social media allows me to do my part in educating and reducing stigma with the ability to reach more people. Doctors belong on social media to provide evidence-based knowledge in the midst of trends and misinformation.

“The majority of people who follow me are not my actual patients, but I still feel obligated to provide the same quality of info I would provide to someone sitting in my office. I am not looking to gain new patients, but to help the general public feel comfortable seeing a psychiatrist—because this psychiatrist on Instagram or Facebook that they follow is ‘normal,’ knowledgeable, and approachable.”

—Danielle J. Johnson, M.D., F.A.P.A., psychiatrist (@drdanij)

5. “I am on social media because it is the future.”

“We can’t deny its increasing role as a forum for discussions and a medium for sharing of information and knowledge. I believe physicians need to have a strong voice so that the public can have access to hard facts rather than anecdotes. I also believe that by having a strong physician #SoMe presence, the public will get to know truly how much we care, and how much we want our patients to be well informed and to have the best outcomes possible, especially in this era of shrinking face-to-face time.

“I use social media for what I am passionate about, and that is sharing tips to help people learn to be fierce self-advocates on their medical journey. I also share my love of books, history, and nonfiction. Further, I write to highlight the experiences of the working mom.”

—Uchenna O. Njiaju, M.D., specialist in cancer and blood disorders (@drucheoncology)

6. “I'm on social media to broaden my audience and patient base, and to help dispel medical myths and false news.”

“It can be frustrating when you don't feel like your message is reaching your intended audience or getting the engagement you want.

“With my inclusion of telemedicine, I've learned to direct patients to these services more easily. I've also learned how to use social media to get more speaking jobs and clients for my outside businesses.”

—Nicole Swiner, M.D., family/general medicine (@docswiner)

7. “I am on social media to inspire underrepresented students to pursue a career in medicine.”

“I am on social media to inspire and motivate others to lead healthier lifestyles in order to prevent chronic disease. I am on social media to inspire underrepresented students to pursue a career in medicine. As a first-generation American whose parents were born in Ecuador, I want to show them it is possible to become a physician. I use it to educate, motivate, and inspire others. I provide health information as well as mentor students who want to be physicians. I also use it to coach people who want to lead healthy lifestyles by providing nutrition information, meal plans, and exercise routines.

“Doctors need to be on social media to make an impact in the lives of those who use it as a means of obtaining information, whether it be education on vaccines, illnesses, or nutrition. It is a way to reach a wider audience and have our voices heard. This is our future and we need to have enough representation to dispel false information.

“I have learned that, with so much information that is out there on social media, many patients believe much of what they read. They look to social media to educate themselves and obtain information on their conditions. That's why it is so imperative we have representation so we can continue to educate our patients not only in our offices but on social media as well. There are many on social media that say they are knowledgeable in a certain topic, [and] it is hard to discern who is telling the truth and actually providing safe and accurate information.”

—Veronica Contreras, M.D., family medicine and urgent care physician (@DrVeronicaContr)

8. “I believe doctors still have a powerful voice. We just need to practice harnessing it better for people, and social media does just that.”

“Whether we love or hate social media, we have to understand that it is here to stay and we need to leverage the advantages of it. ‘If we can't beat them, join them.’ Ring a bell? We can use it to convey positive or negative messages. I believe doctors still have a powerful voice. We just need to practice harnessing it better for people and social media does just that.

“I think what is frustrating about it is being a victim to the negativity that is pervasive on social media; that is the flip side of the coin. In general, I also believe social media disconnects people when we actually need more connection in our current era and society.”

—Colin Zhu, D.O., family doctor and chef (@thechefdoc)

9. “My presence on social media morphed into an outlet to share fitness, wellness, and healthy practices.”

“Today, I use social media to share pertinent information, medical education, encouragement, fitness, physician wellness, and entrepreneurial pursuits. My presence on social media morphed into an outlet to share fitness, wellness, and healthy practices.

“Focusing on positive content, uplifting others, exchanging ideas with colleagues, educating patients, and exploring gratitude have taught me a great deal about using social media for positive effect. Information shared and discussions had on social media with colleagues have definitely impacted my patient care.

“Developing content that is pertinent has also taught me to explore the impact of my own wellness on my patients. Patients benefit from being cared for physicians who are invested, happy, and well.”

—Charmaine Gregory, M.D., emergency medicine (@CharmsFitDoc)

10. “We have to take public health education back, and it starts by going where the masses learn.”

“Social media has become the gateway source of most public health information these days, whether it’s searching for answers to common health problems or just simply finding a new doctor. Physicians have unfortunately been slow to embrace social media, and because of this reluctance, this void has been filled by numerous health-care frauds peddling everything from essential oils to coffee enemas and countless alternative medicines—from untested cancer therapy to the spurring of tried-and-true basic treatments for easily preventable deadly diseases.

“We have to take public health education back, and it starts by going where the masses learn—and that is in the world of social media. I try to use social media to teach my readers about issues that will resonate with them and perhaps will help them, whether it’s drug abuse, end of life care, or aging veterans. That’s my mission—to use my writing and public speaking as an adjunct to my basic mission of being a doctor. To help people live a long, happy, healthy, and productive life.

“It’s not for everyone. You have to have a thick skin to wade into the cyber-sewer. But when your writing resonates and moves people for the better, it is amazing.”

—Louis Profeta, M.D., emergency physician (@louisprofeta)

11. “I use the information [on social media] to formulate ideas.”

“I’m on social media to connect with like-minded individuals who are struggling to provide good care for patients while keeping up with the increasing headaches in health care. I’m a family physician who's worked in multiple health care settings over the last two decades.

“I use the information [on social media] to formulate ideas. Last year, I started a webcomic called Doc-Related that provides a satirical view of practicing medicine within a typical U.S. health system. My comic strips resonate with clinicians, staff, administrators, and anyone else interested in the daily happenings of health care providers.”

—Peter Venezuela, M.D., family doctor (@doc_related)

12. “It has allowed me a platform from which to share my knowledge and expertise on my favorite topic: vaccinations.”

“My personal passion is for preventive medicine, specifically the way in which vaccination can improve life and health and help us to preserve our wonderful human potential. As a family physician, it has been extremely frustrating seeing patients who are very well-intentioned fall prey to the misinformation and ‘fake news’ that abounds on the Internet. I use social media as a means to amplify voices of science and reason.

“For someone [like me who has] a lot of ideas in her head about how to make things better (at least in my humble opinion), it has allowed me a platform from which to share my knowledge and expertise on my favorite topic: vaccinations. When someone searches up a vaccine question, I want physician and scientist voices to be the voices they are hearing. Social media is an unparalleled way for physicians to reach hundreds of thousands of people across the world. Without it, we are relegated to a one-on-one message in our exam rooms.

“Social media can be a blessing or a curse. It can be isolating but it can also bring connection. It is a tool like any other. We just have to know how to use it properly and it can be a wonderful thing.”

—Gretchen LaSalle, M.D., family medicine (@GretchenLesalle)

13. “Social media certainly helps me keep a finger on the pulse.”

“I’m on social media because I want to be part of the conversation! Doctors must be on social media to dispense information to fight (or hopefully at least balance) some of the dangerous misinformation about health issues, from vaccines and medications, diets and supplements, to the ever-evolving preventative care screening recommendations.

“Additionally, I use social media to start conversations and share health information with my patients and community. I have a particular passion for adolescent issues, and social media allows me to connect with other parents and tackle the awkward, scary, and intimidating issues that teens face today. I blog about the topics that I see over and over in the exam room, many that no one want to bring up but many want to hear about (like STDs, drugs, alcohol, vaping, ADD medication abuse, etc.).

“Social media certainly helps me keep a finger on the pulse of breaking medical news, from food poisoning outbreaks in my community to new national guidelines for hypertension. Knowing what health related news (both accurate and ‘fake’) that my patients are reading, hearing, and discussing offers me fresh, more engaging angles to bring up and to address health issues.”

—Jill Grimes, M.D., family doctor (@JillGrimesMD)

14. “With a physician social media presence, we are able to add valid, science-based information to the overall narrative.”

“I think it’s important for physicians to be on social media because there is a lot of bad medical information being shared out there. With a physician social media presence, we are able to add valid, science-based information to the overall narrative.

“I am on social media because [I was] a physician who became a patient negatively impacted by benzodiazepines. I use my personal Twitter account to share my experience in order to spread awareness about the difficulty of tapering. I’ve learned through my numerous social media interactions with patients undergoing benzodiazepine withdrawal to be more empathetic and caring. This is partially because I experienced it myself but I’ve also taken the time to truly listen to what they are going through.

“The most frustrating part about social media is running into people who disagree with your opinions and express themselves in a toxic manner. I am all about civil discourse and I have a natural urge to appease everyone, but I’ve found that’s not always possible.”

—Christy Huff, M.D., cardiologist (@christyhuffmd)

15. “If we can make complicated topics simpler to understand, we can help countless numbers of people across the globe.”

“I was frustrated with the amount of misinformation out there. My oncology patients would bring articles on unscientific, sometimes dangerous treatments. They would believe this information was true because it was published online, or stated by a celebrity. As physicians, a part of our job is to educate and engage with patients and the community. Social media provides a wonderful forum for this.

“We are able to reach a large group from around the world, share evidence-based science, and answer questions. We are able to help individuals become more informed patients or advocates. Doctors have always educated individuals in their communities, and now we have an international community that depends on us for facts, science, and education. If we can make complicated topics simpler to understand, we can help countless numbers of people across the globe. 

“Without the benefit of tone of voice or inflection [on social], statements can be taken out of context or misconstrued. There are also individuals who like to troll. Those interactions can be frustrating. I have also seen discussions devolve into arguments. As physicians, we must remain professional when engaging on social media.”

—Shikha Jain, M.D., hematology oncology physician (@ShikhaJainMD)

16. “Physicians are still the repositories of medical knowledge.”

“I use social media to disseminate information about celiac and other diseases, advocate for those with celiac, enhance professional connections, and advocate for our profession. I also use it to make connections within the writing community.

“Physicians belong on social media because we are uniquely able to disseminate accurate and timely medical information to the general public, improve the quality of medical dialogue and advocate for our profession. Although journalists and bloggers do this as well, physicians are still the repositories of medical knowledge. Together, we have the opportunity to change behaviors and policies.

“I've learned countless ER tips and tricks and read fascinating cases. Within social media groups, I've learned about creating a website and an online persona. Within the food allergy/celiac groups, I've found resources for my own child and for my patients.

“Information-sharing is one of the greatest benefits of social media. Medicine can be an isolated profession: We go into patient rooms alone, make decisions alone, and stew over clinical conundrums alone. Social media has changed that, enabling us to discuss cases and learn from each other.”

entry 7 (sept 26)

Dear Balloon Boy,

I know this letter is late, considering we broke up about 2 months ago. I was talking to Makeup Addict and decided to let her know that we weren’t dating anymore (since she brought you up) and also told her the reasons that led to our separation. Even after all this time, thinking about where we were and how we ended up still makes me tear up, and you know that few things in this world have the power to do that to me. And you also know that I hate letting something make me feel so vulnerable and weak. But here it is, a letter to you that addresses tons of things from our time together and some of the residual thoughts I have.

When I think about how we met and how we eventually started dating, I sometimes don’t understand it. We met in Spring 2015 but never really talked to each other for the whole term. You were also obsessed with Fearless Director, or rather, she was obsessed with you. But things unfortunately didn’t work out for you guys. You left for your next co-op term at Facebook and also left whatever relationship you guys had to rot (“I was an asshole back then but now I’m one of the nicest guys I know”). We met again in Spring 2016. Well, we met again because Smol Bean was infatuated with you. But things didn’t work out between you guys either. Though she had the biggest crush on you and would talk to me for hours about you and your serenades while you were on co-op in Toronto, I didn’t think anything of it and supported the possibility of you guys being a couple like a normal best friend would. She eventually lost interest in you or something like that because you guys didn’t end up together and we did.

We actually started talking when you came back to Waterloo in Fall 2016. To be honest, I don’t remember the specifics of when or how this started happening, but you, Smol Bean, and I would sleep on the same bed a couple of times and sometimes you’d hold my hand or run your hands up and down my leg. Eventually, we would make out and that’s when Smol Bean would stop sleeping in the same bed as us. Ha.

I remember talking to you for hours at night about how shitty my situation was at home and how much I hated my family. I remember being unsatisfied and trapped in my relationship with Kpop Shawty and how difficult it was to let go of that relationship even though he didn’t appreciate me. I remember how much I hated you after you ratted me out to him too. I lied for us and yet you betrayed me. Even if he and I weren’t officially in an exclusive relationship, you had no right to expose me like that. I remember how torn I was when I had to choose between you two. I remember crying on the couch in the basement and yelling at you to leave me alone.

Looking back, I think I was stupid to let you coerce me into a relationship with you. “What difference does it make? We already know that we’ll end up in a relationship, so why push it back? What are you waiting for?” I shouldn’t have given in to you so easily, but I did.

Our time together was good for the most part. Considering we spent most of our time away from each other and our relationship being your first, I think it went pretty well. We explored so many cities together and did some pretty cool things as young 20-somethings, and I don’t think I’ll be able to do such extravagant things with anyone else for quite some time. I still want to go to Masa before you do, though.

I have a lot to thank you for. Thank you for being so generous, not only just in a monetary sense though I know plane tickets aren’t cheap and neither are Michelin star dinners. Thanks for putting up with my obnoxious and disrespectful ass and being patient with me. Thanks for trying your best despite how much I nag you. Thanks for editing my sheet every month when you’d have to manually add in a new row for me because I’m incompetent in Excel. Thanks for elevating my palette to the point where most grocery store ice cream just doesn’t cut it and cheap cold sushi a big fat no (how on earth did I eat that stuff when I was younger?!). Thanks for taking me to watch Hamilton and subsequently ruining every other musical out there because Hamilton is the best musical that exists.

There are also things I’d like to credit for and say “you’re welcome” to you for (because you know that that’s how I roll). You’re welcome for all of the advice I gave you, despite how criticizing and harsh it may have come out of my mouth. I will never understand why you thought buying 6 paintings was ever a good idea given how much (lack of, really) wall space you had in your apartment. You’re welcome for all the times I made you say “oh truuuuueeee” after making some intelligible comment. You’re welcome for coming up with better plans that yours that saved us tons of time and money.

And last but not least, I have things to apologize for. I’m sorry for being a rude ass bitch and how demanding I was sometimes, especially at the end of our relationship. Maybe a daily video call was too much to expect given our time difference and widely different schedules and responsibilities. Maybe I should’ve respected your time more. I’m sorry for hogging your desktop when you had your wisdom teeth pulled because I know you probably would’ve appreciated the games amidst the pain (though holding your ice pack probably would’ve been a better idea, just saying). I’m sorry for making you pay for most things we bought, because I probably could’ve went into my savings instead of using the excuse of income differences. I’m sorry I asked you to come visit me so often, even though it never really ended up happening. Maybe I’ll understand more once I get a real job. I’m sorry for being an immature child sometimes. I should’ve respected that you had different responsibilities as full-timer and that I shouldn’t have expected you to keep the same ones as we had when you were still here in Waterloo. I’m sorry for saying insensitive shit like “you never satisfy me”. I’m sorry for not being an accurate representation of what a good girlfriend is and not showing you how to be a good boyfriend (I guess I also apologize to your future girlfriend for not showing you da wae).

The thing I’m not sorry for: snooping around in your messages. Though I went through a hardship that had me spiralling deeper than I ever had before, I think I’m glad that I’m no longer living in the dark with respect to the opinions of the ones I used to call my friends. I think I’d rather live in pain than continue to live a lie, and I hope you understand where I come from.

I never told you this, but my mom figured that we broke up when I started hanging out with KDC every night. When she’d call and hear that I was still out, she knew that we weren’t calling. I actually thought that was a weird assumption to make, but I suppose it wasn’t wrong. When I asked her what her thoughts on our relationship were, she told me that she thought we were too similar. And I agreed -- we were very independent, intelligent people who had plans that unfortunately didn’t have much room for another person. And I think I’m at peace with that now.

Anyway, I hope you continue to develop your career and make the big bucks you always wanted to. Keep eating all the Insta-worthy food and visiting places that are equally as beautiful and majestic, but don’t get too fat. Continue exercising despite how tired you might be after work, because you need to focus on your image again if you want to get another girlfriend (I’m not saying you’re ugly or fat, I’m just giving you a helpful tip). Our time together was short in the grand scheme of things, but I hope that our paths may cross again in the future. And if they don’t, I guess I’ll see you on the other side.

Much love,

tori

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A mini heart-shaped plant

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Hand-roasted Ethiopian coffee

If you're on the hunt for a gift to appease a caffeine-enthusiast, look no further Sheba Roastery's hand-roasted Ethiopian coffee beans. A family-run business, Sheba makes micro roasted batches over an open flame to provide the most culturally accurate representation of the Ethiopian coffee experience — and the intense, complex flavors are out of this world.

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A portable perfume

Billed as the "ultimate personal fragrance," Glossier's cult-favorite perfume, Glossier You, now comes in a compact, solid form, so your mom can take it with her when she's on the go.

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