#mind you it was a discussion on why aroaces (who may not have partners or roommates) struggle in today's economy
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Okay, for aro awareness week, I need you all to start recognizing that:
NOT EVERYONE IN THE ARO COMMUNITY IS FROM THE UNITED STATES OR EUROPE.
Please, when we're having discussions about aphobia, allonormativity amatonormativity, and other issues for the love of god STOP PRETENDING THAT WE DON'T EXIST AND LISTEN TO US!
We aren't just your token aros that exist in the other side of the world just for you to prove that we are everywhere or whatever point you're trying to make, we are living, breathing human beings and members of the aro community and we deserve respect and to be remembered not as a point in your discourse but as equals.
I am sick and tired of people just assuming that everyone in the community is either from the United States or Europe and only centering those voices in the discussion. We exist too.
#mayaposts#aro#aromatic#aro awareness week#aromantic awareness week#aro awareness week 2024#aroallo#aroace#arospec#filipino aro#asian aro#poc aro#sorry this came about after someone replied to me saying that not everyone can afford necessities with one income and that rent is too#expensive these days with ''just move to less expensive cities like amsterdam or london and get a full time job'' and it PISSED ME OFF#mind you it was a discussion on why aroaces (who may not have partners or roommates) struggle in today's economy#the other person was not only dismissive of the op who was explaining the frustrations of needing to work multiple jobs to stay afloat#but also trying to just dismiss the struggles of single income people (in this case non-partnering aroaces)#and the implication that we should just ''move out of london and amsterdam and get a full time job'' to be able to afford rent#is such a privileged european/american take#sorry im ranting now lol im just peeved off#i dont even know if the other person was aroace at all tbh but whatever
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Series Masterlist Main Masterlist
VII. Questions
Jai’s sorrow and turmoil over this - that nearly broke his heart.
Being different was not a tragedy.
Din wished he could look Jai in the eyes for this conversation, but the intercom would have to do for now.
“Ad’ika,” Din started, tone soft as was possible through the modulator. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are not the only one who doesn’t experience these things. I know because I don’t, either. I think that’s why Omera thought we should talk.”
Summary: Jai is questioning just about every aspect of their life as they reach young adulthood, and who else would they turn to for help but their family?
Note: If you haven’t, I highly recommend reading the brief prequel “Kindred Spirits” to better understand the history of Din and Jai’s somewhat special bond.
Jai is dealing with a lot here. What do they want to do with their life? Will they serve the tribe or do something else? And do they want to do it with a partner at their side? (Everyone seems to think they should… but Jai’s not so sure.) These aren’t easy questions, but they’ve got a peer and confidant in Winta, a wise and motherly advisor in Omera, and a kindred spirit in Din - who may be able to help the most.
I’ve been hinting at it all along, and none of my stories would be complete without ace and aro rep, so… surprise, surprise - Jai is aroace! There’s some other queer representation here, too.
Warnings: Angst, discussions of sex and sex repulsion, questioning one’s gender identity, questioning one’s sexual and romantic orientation, anxiety around ‘coming out’, and one vague allusion to masturbation.
Read on AO3
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Jai had hoped that once faces were revealed and the official standing of their family unit was finalized that the Sorgani rumor mill might quiet down a bit… but no such luck. Gossip was clearly an ingrained habit in these parts, and there was no stopping it. And now that Jai was typically going helmetless, they had found that, in fact, much of the whispering was spoken loud enough to be heard without audio enhancement.
“Winta seems rather interested in the boy two huts over… looks like a good match…”
“Do you think Jai will pair off? I bet they’ll head to Mandalore… not cut out for farming.”
“Why did they even bother getting married? Din hasn’t even given up the armor…”
The rest of the family didn’t seem to pay it much mind. The talk surrounding Winta and the boy was in actuality quite true, and Din and Omera were admittedly much too old to care at this point about any rumors passed around about their relationship or Din’s devotion to the creed.
Everyone was rather settled. Grogu was maturing and controlling his powers well, Winta was excelling in her unofficial Mandalorian training when she wasn’t fawning over the boy in question, and Din and Omera seemed very happy with their (finally) publicly acknowledged commitment.
Jai, though, was in an uncomfortable position. They were now coming of age, and it was time once and for all to make decisions. But the constant, whispered predictions and judgements were not helpful, serving only to increase their internal conflict and confusion.
Neither staying on Sorgan or heading to Mandalore felt right… so what then? All Jai knew was that they wanted to do something meaningful, and they hoped to use their intelligence, their one natural gift and by far their greatest asset, to do it. But how? The covert never taught these things. A life of fighting and weaponry was assumed and an intellectual one an unthinkable shame… though Jai certainly knew better now.
And the talk of Jai pairing off… the idea felt strange and even oddly repulsive… But wasn’t that what everyone was supposed to want? Even Din, so much like Jai in many ways and a long-time loner of his own accord, ultimately found happiness in a romantic partner. Was Jai not “everyone”, then?
How in the galaxy were they going to figure this out?
————————————————————
“You’re doing really well, Winta.” Lifting their eyebrows in jest, Jai added, “You might even give Din a run for his money one of these days.”
The two teenagers had made a habit of training most afternoons, keeping Jai on their toes and allowing Winta to practice with someone closer to her own size who wouldn’t hold back the way Din always did. The man just couldn’t help it - protective of his found daughter to the core.
Winta plopped down next to Jai on the grass, reaching for the canteen as she smirked. “Ha ha, very funny… poking fun at the auretti…”
“No, I’m serious, Winta,” Jai reassured her, not meaning to sound sarcastic before. “You’re doing incredible for someone who didn’t start training until they were older. Din has been very impressed with you - no joke, I swear.”
Winta’s face betrayed her surprise. “Oh… Thank you...” She turned to look at Jai squarely, hoping they understood her earnestness. “It’s very important to me that I can help take care of the village one day, and I wouldn’t have been able to learn any of this without you. Thank you for everything you’ve done to help me, Jai. I really do appreciate it.”
“You’re talking like our training together is over, Winta.”
“Well, isn’t it? Soon, anyway?” Winta looked at them pointedly. “Have you decided yet what you want to do?”
Jai couldn’t hold back a deep sigh, the questioning and frustration never too far behind them. “I don’t think I can stay here… farming is not meant for me.”
“I think the village would agree,” Winta interjected, lightening the mood with a good-natured jab.
Jai gave her a little nudge with their shoulder. “Well, that’s not very nice… but it’s absolutely true.” They paused for a moment in contemplation. “Working with the tribe makes sense - and it doesn’t feel right to abandon it after spending my entire life as a Mandalorian. But… I love learning, and I always grieved the fact that I would never have the opportunity to get a real education in the covert… Maybe right now is my chance… if I can figure out how to make it happen, anyway.”
Winta nodded along thoughtfully before offering a suggestion. “Why don’t you figure out if it’s even a possibility? See if you can get into a university somewhere. Then you won’t have to wonder about it anymore - you’ll know.”
“That’s good advice, Winta.” Jai met her eyes and smiled, adding, “I think you’re going to make a great mom someday.”
Winta smiled with her eyes at that. “Thanks, Jai. I hope so.”
It appeared that Winta had never questioned for even a moment what she wanted from her life. She was going to get married and have children, farm krill, and protect her village from harm. Simple, clean, and honorable. Winta’s future was decidedly clear, and she was content with every part of it. Why couldn’t Jai be so sure of anything?
Jai had been quiet just a little too long, staring off into the distance in thought. Winta knew well what that meant…
“You alright?” She tapped their knee with her hand gently.
Jai looked back at her with a strange intensity. “How do you know?” They clarified in response to Winta’s bewildered expression, “How do you know that you want to get married? And that you like boys? And that you’d want to… do the thing you have to do to have children? I can’t understand it.”
Winta’s eyes were wide and startled, taking in the personal nature of Jai’s question, as well as the profound way in which they’d asked it.
Jai shook their head in shame, realizing their error. “I’m sorry - that’s not an appropriate thing to ask.”
But despite her discomfort with the nature of their inquiry, Winta understood that Jai was asking on account of their own confusion - and she was always happy to be of help to her kind but socially awkward sibling who struggled so much with all manner of human intimacy.
She grabbed Jai’s hand and squeezed once before releasing it, letting them know she wasn’t upset. “It’s okay.” Winta took a deep breath, giving herself a moment to think how to explain it. “Jai, may I ask you a personal question? You don’t have to answer, but I have a feeling it will help.”
They nodded vigorously, willing to tell her anything she wanted to know if it would help to understand this.
“Jai, how do you know that you aren’t a girl?”
Whoa , that caught them a bit off guard. Nobody had ever asked them that point blank before.
But the answer was simple. “I just… know… I knew as soon as I was old enough to understand what ‘being a girl’ even meant. I never questioned it - I just knew I wasn’t a girl… or a boy… Having no gender is just part of me.”
“Exactly,” Winta replied gently. “I just know. I don’t have to think about it. It’s never even been a question to me whether I feel attracted to boys or want to get married… or ‘do the thing you have to do to have children’. I just know I want those things - it’s part of who I am.”
The analogy made some sense, actually, but when it came to the thought of future relationships, Jai didn’t just know. “You’re younger than me… I figured I’d feel those sorts of things when I’m older, but… I’m already of age. That’s weird, isn’t it?”
Winta shrugged. “I don’t know, Jai. Most people our age have these feelings, but I’m sure some people feel them later than usual. So you’ve never liked anyone that way? You can’t even imagine doing those things… like even theoretically?”
Jai shook their head sadly, whispering, “No. Never.”
“Hmmm… Have you talked to Din about this?”
Jai looked at her incredulously before asking, “Do you want us both to die of mortification?”
“What?!” Winta exclaimed. “You talk to Din about everything!”
Jai’s voice dropped again to a whisper. “Not feelings… and I can’t talk to him about… sex .”
Okay, yeah … Winta could understand that. “Why don’t you talk to Mama, then? She’s talked to me about it some. She won’t make you feel embarrassed. I promise.”
Talking to Omera did sound quite a bit less daunting than broaching this topic with Din. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”
————————————————————
It was a quiet afternoon. Work in the ponds had finished early, and Winta and Jai had taken Grogu outside to play and practice with his force skills. For once, Din and Omera had a few minutes alone, and they chose to spend them how they often did - chatting at their kitchen table. After all, it was conversation, sitting in the dark on Omera’s porch many late evenings, which had brought them together in the first place.
“Have you visited Jai in the barn recently?” Omera questioned, chuckling quietly, as she took a seat next to Din at the kitchen table with two cups of caf. “I think books are going to start tumbling out of the windows.”
Din huffed as he took a sip of the hot drink. “Imagine what it was like to fit all those into the starfighter.”
This had been a source of some amusement for Din these last few years. Jai, so much like himself in demeanor and rarely showing any signs of outward excitement, would absolutely light up with happiness at the site of a bookstore. He’d lost count of the number of shops they’d visited over the course of their many travels in service to Bo-Katan, Jai always walking away with as many purchases as they could carry. And the subjects were many and varied - if Jai didn’t already know it, they were going to read about it.
It had even become a bit of a joke in the village that if Jai couldn’t be found, you knew where to find them - in the barn or on the porch or sitting out in the grass somewhere voraciously consuming every bit of written knowledge they could get their hands on. But while it was a point of jest, it was not done without affection and pride. Jai might very well be the most intelligent and educated person to ever step foot on their little planet - and one who never once behaved as if they were better or smarter than any of the hardworking krill farmers who lived there.
Omera grinned over her steaming cup. “What did they pick up in Coruscant on your last mission? Astrophysics? Hydraulic engineering? Existential philosophy?”
“Probably all of those,” Din laughed. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to tell you about Coruscant.”
That got Omera’s attention. Din had always made a point to keep his work with the tribe separate from his life on Sorgan, rarely speaking about missions and never sharing details.
“Oh?” Omera asked casually as she took another sip, inwardly burning with curiosity and surprise.
“Yeah, something interesting happened,” Din started, setting down his mug and fully facing his lovely partner. “On our way back to the shipyard, we passed by one of the big universities there, and they had one of the largest libraries I’ve ever seen. We had to leave our weapons at the door, but we were able to go in and look around. You should have seen Jai in there, Omera. I would have thought they’d found their way to the Manda.”
Omera smiled broadly, always happy to know that her exceedingly muted and introverted foundling was still capable of finding joy in this life. “I can imagine. How’d you manage to get Jai out of there without any books?”
“Logic,” he huffed. “Only way to do it with them. Books aren’t allowed to leave the campus. But anyway, that’s not the point. After the library, they stood on the street for a good five minutes just… staring at the university building.” He paused, running a hand through his hair as he often did when he was thinking. “I don’t know why it never occurred to me before - but what’s stopping them from going? We have more than enough credits saved up - may as well use them for something worthwhile…”
Well, kriff … Omera couldn’t believe her idiocy on this matter. Of course Jai should go to university. Why hadn’t any of them ever thought of that? Stars, it seemed so obvious now. “Well, did you go inside? Get some information?”
Din shook his head, frustrated. “No, there was a sign outside detailing their strict “no weapons” policy. Jai eventually just turned and kept walking down the street - seemed sort of sad.”
Now Omera was on a mission of her own. “Alright. You need to go back, Din. Even if Jai has to leave their entire get-up on the ship, they need to go inside and talk to the… admitters… or whatever they’re called these days. The resol'nare doesn’t preclude an education, does it?”
“Nope,” he answered quickly. “Not at all…”
She nodded, the determination he admired so much lighting up her eyes. “Okay, then… Let’s make it happen. Are you going back to Coruscant any time soon?”
Din nodded, glad that Omera was so forcefully in agreement that they should pursue this idea. “Bo-Katan has been having us meet a contact there, and we’re due to go again in a few weeks. I was thinking before we head back to Trask, I can try to get Jai into the university for a visit - leave their weapons in the ship.”
“Alright, we have a plan,” Omera exclaimed with authority. The teen had been conflicted about their future for so long… Finally, they’d found the answer. The education Jai had always longed for was well within reach - they’d just not considered the option until it was dropped right into their laps.
“I enjoy seeing you like this, cyare…” Din said with a light smirk playing at his lips. “…even more than watching you shoot…”
Omera eyed him for a moment and then took him by surprise, leaning forward quickly to capture his mouth with her own, deepening the kiss slightly before pulling away. “Don’t you go starting something when the children could come back any second, Din Djarin. You can flirt with me tonight when they’re all in bed.”
Din actually looked a bit taken aback, stumbling through a response. “I wasn’t… I don’t think I even know how to… I just find your determination… attractive…”
Oh, Din… So literal and so very genuine… She should really know better by now that he meant every word he spoke - with very little subtext.
“Well, then,” she whispered, as she pulled on his collar to bring his face closer to hers while he watched her in mild bewilderment. “I guess I’ll be flirting with you… ” She pressed her lips again to his and didn’t pull away this time, content to enjoy these few minutes of intimacy with the man she loved during this blessed time alone together. They’d hear the children’s footsteps on the porch, anyway, right?
————————————————————
“Jai, sweetheart,” Omera called across the small hut. “You’ve been loitering outside my kitchen all morning. Why don’t you just tell me what’s going on, hmmm…?”
Their head appeared around the corner, eyes wide with surprise. “How did you know?”
“I know your footsteps - not as heavy as Din’s,” Omera chuckled lightly. “And normally you’re out reading on the porch at this time of day. I heard you pacing out there.” Omera didn’t stop her work but kept moving about the small kitchen area as she waited for Jai to start talking. It was always easier for them to speak their mind when the attention wasn’t fully pointed in their direction. “Here, come help me with this while we talk.”
The distraction was helpful, actually. Din had told Jai once that Omera had a gift for making hard conversations easier, and well, she was definitely making it easier right now. Jai wasn’t sure they could speak on this topic if she’d been looking them in the face.
They started hesitantly, face burning with some embarrassment. “Uhmmm… I have some questions about… adult things …”
Ah. Omera had wondered over the last couple of years if this conversation was coming. She imagined that Jai hadn’t been formally taught anything about romantic or sexual relations before spending their early adolescence fighting for survival after the destruction of the covert. Perhaps they’d read about it… but reading alone could not prepare one for the reality of adult relationships.
“Go ahead, Jai. Ask me anything you want to know. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Omera kept her tone as casual as possible, trying to keep the conversation just… normal . She’d found it was the best way to handle this kind of thing.
Jai ripped off the bandage and got right to it.
“Well… what is attraction supposed to feel like? How do you know that you like someone that way?”
Stars , they were starting with the hardest questions first.
“Okay,” Omera started. “That’s a difficult question, Jai, because I imagine every person experiences it a bit differently. But… I think wanting to spend all of your time with someone, to get to know them more personally or intimately than other people, to be physically close to them, to want their life intertwined with yours… Those are some of the ways…”
Well, kriff . Jai really hadn’t ever felt that way about anyone. And the idea of being physically close… they couldn’t understand that at all. They were quiet for a moment, rolling all of that around in their mind, before moving on rather bluntly, reminding Omera so much of their adoptive father. “What is the appeal of these physical things? Like kissing… it seems pretty gross and unhygienic to me .”
Omera couldn’t help huffing out a small laugh. “Well, when you’re attracted to someone, it doesn’t feel that way. And if they’re good at it, the sensations are quite enjoyable.”
Nope , Jai couldn’t imagine that being enjoyable in any way. With the exception of the rare affectionate hug or brief touch from their found family, who’d always been respectful of Jai’s rather rigid boundaries, the idea of unnecessary physical contact of any kind was almost repulsive. And if kissing sounded unpleasant, then sex would be a sensory nightmare.
“Is sex the same way? It's hard for me to understand why in the galaxy anyone would want to do that…” Jai made a face then, one almost of disgust, as they continued, apparently having overcome their shyness, “…naked… parts touching…”
Well , this was not the conversation Omera had expected. She figured Jai might come to her when they did feel these things, confused about how to handle them. But it seemed Jai was more confused because they didn’t . It was difficult for her to relate here.
She pulled out a chair and gestured to Jai to sit down, setting herself in the one beside it. This needed to be a more serious talk, apparently. “Sweetheart, sex isn’t just putting parts together. It can be about sharing yourself with another person and enjoying that intimacy. But it’s also about very nice physical sensations… euphoric, really, if you’re doing it right. That’s why people enjoy it so much. Personally, I think the nice parts far outweigh the gross ones. Do you understand the… mechanics?”
Jai flushed noticeably as Omera spoke, but she would never be so cruel as to mention it. In fact, Jai was aware of that euphoric feeling - but it was a deeply personal thing, one they used to regain focus or help them sleep - not something they ever desired to share with another person. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it.
“No, I… I do understand why people like the feeling. I’m aware of… arousal and orgasm… and mechanics ( yes, of course , they’d read about it… in depth…) . It’s the participation of the other person that sounds terribly uncomfortable to me. Stars , I don’t even like someone touching me with all my clothes on.”
The look on Omera’s face told them everything. She could not relate to this - same as Winta, even if neither would ever be unkind about it. Maybe there really was something wrong with them…
Omera shook her head and laid her hand briefly over Jai’s where it rested on the table. “That’s okay, Jai. Plenty of people are averse to touch, and I imagine many of them feel similarly. Sex doesn’t have to be part of a relationship if that’s not what you want.”
Jai was glad for the reassurance, but there it was again - the assumption that they should want a relationship in the first place.
“What if I’m not interested in a relationship at all? I feel like I’m not even capable of feeling attracted to someone in these ways. I’m basically an adult now… and I never have… can’t even picture it…”
Omera was in over her head here, and she knew it. She couldn’t fathom personally what Jai was describing. It wasn’t typical… but it also didn’t seem like a pathology…. Jai was different, certainly, but not abnormal .
And throughout this conversation something nudged at the edge of her consciousness - a memory… a similarity… a nighttime conversation on the porch… a first kiss…
Din .
He’d explained to her that night that he wasn’t like other people - that attraction wasn’t a simple and natural thing for him, but a very rare one nurtured only by a kind of intimate connection which his profession didn’t generally allow. And going without had really never bothered him… until the day he realized he’d fallen for her without even trying.
Din and Jai weren’t entirely the same, of course… but truly, the similarities were uncanny.
“Jai,” Omera addressed them gently, recognizing the distress clearly showing on their face, “I’ll admit that I’m having a hard time understanding this. But Din… the two of you understand each other… in a special way that the rest of us just cannot. I think you should talk to him. I have a feeling he’ll understand better.”
The teenager met her eyes, shaking their head in disagreement. “No, I can’t… I talk to Din about many things… but not stuff like this… I think he’ll combust if I even bring it up.”
Omera couldn’t help but chuckle. “You don’t have to get into the uncomfortable details - just explain your experience to him. You two have so much in common, I’m sure he’ll be more helpful than I have been.”
“You really think I should?” Jai absolutely could not discuss the parts or the mechanics with him. But the feelings… or lack thereof… maybe they could handle that. Din really was so much like them in many ways.
Omera nodded kindly, reaching a hand over to tuck a stray dash of hair back over Jai’s ear. “I really do, sweetheart.”
Jai sighed loudly, huffing a bit at the end. “ Dank farrik … alright…”
————————————————————
The meeting with the contact had gone faster than expected, and Din was glad for it. That left plenty of time for what he and Omera had planned on Jai’s behalf.
Their route back to the shipyard brought them once again in front of the university, and it was as if a magnetic force pulled Jai toward it, stopping and turning to face the grand building for a moment to admire from afar.
Din sidled up beside them before venturing, “You want to go inside?”
Jai’s helmet whipped around to face him, surprised. “But… no weapons allowed…” They pointed toward the signage next to the door.
Din turned on his heel and gestured to Jai to follow. “Come on - you can leave the weapons on the ship. Then we’ll come back and see if you can meet with them.”
“Are you being serious?” Jai honestly couldn’t believe that this was happening - that they might have a chance.
When was Din ever not serious about anything? “Of course I’m being serious, Jai. Let’s go - the office will only be open a few more hours.”
Well, he didn’t have to tell Jai twice.
Despite the creed they still tended to follow around outsiders, Jai decided it was best to visit the university devoid of the helmet and armor. Their situation was already a bit strange - no need to call further attention to their unusual background by walking in faceless, covered head to toe in metal. But when Din pulled off his own helmet and began methodically removing plates of armor and stacking them on his seat in the cockpit, Jai couldn’t believe their eyes.
“Din…?”
“I don’t want to send you in alone… This way we won’t call too much attention.” He paused, looking down at the plain, entirely black clothing he wore under the flight suit, nothing like the colorful, professional attire they’d seen most wearing around the bustling campus, before adding casually, “Though I suppose we’ll still stand out a bit.”
Jai was absolutely awed - Din wouldn’t even go completely armorless on Sorgan… nevermind Coruscant. “I can’t believe you’d do that for me…”
Din turned to them then with a smile filled with the love and pride of a parent, laying a hand solidly on their shoulder. “Believe it - because we’re going to get you into that school.”
————————————————————
The visit to the university was a smashing success. The advisor they’d met with took an immediate interest in Jai - this teenager of Mandalorian upbringing who lacked any conventional education but spoke with the confidence and maturity of a worldly soul many years their senior. Given the exceptional circumstances, they’d allowed Jai to take the placement exam right then and there to gauge their preparedness to matriculate in such an institution… which of course they passed with flying colors, scoring in the highest decile. Extra impressive considering they were almost entirely self-taught.
Din felt like a fish out of water in this place, but he did his best to play the part of the supportive father - not that any acting was required on that front. He only wanted what was best for Jai… and gosh was he proud. He’d always known they were special in this way, since they were a young child even, and to see their potential realized right before his eyes was an incredible privilege.
Jai was cool and composed throughout, but their excitement gave way the moment they were back out on the street in front of the university, thick bundles of informational packets and application materials in tow, throwing themselves at Din in happiness.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you…” they chanted genuinely as they embraced their guardian. “This was so amazing, Din.”
Din chuckled, patting their back fondly. “I’m proud of you, verd’ika. You really blew it out of the water.”
He couldn’t contain an amused grin as they made their way back to the shipyard. Din was quite certain he’d never heard Jai talk so much as they were right now, chattering on and on about which programs and concentrations they might consider.
But the flight back to Trask was quiet, more so than usual, something Din now recognized as a sign of heavy contemplation on Jai’s part.
“Jai,” he crackled through the intercom, already slightly muffled by his modulator, armor now back in place. “What are you thinking so hard about back there? I would have thought this would be an easy decision.” Jai didn’t reply right away, so Din offered a bit of wise reassurance. “You know - you don’t necessarily have to choose one thing over another. You can get your education now and then decide to join Bo-Katan later with more skills under your belt if that’s what you want. And you know Sorgan is your home… no matter how much you’re away.”
They sighed loud enough for Din to pick it up over the intercom - Jai did learn from the best, didn’t they?
Finally their voice came through the cockpit speaker. “Yeah, I know. I think I want to go to the university. I’m still not sure what I want to do after that, but now I’ll have some extra time to figure it out at least.” There was something almost sad and anxious in their voice - so unexpected after the happiness they’d expressed just an hour or so ago after their visit to the school.
“What’s wrong, kid? Something’s bothering you. Tell me about it.” It wasn’t like Jai to be quite this somber. Come to think of it, they’d been a little too quiet these last few weeks.
Jai groaned. “It’s embarrassing…”
“Hey,” Din interjected. “I’m not here to judge.”
Jai took a deep breath and let it out slowly, releasing their nerves at the idea of discussing this topic with a man who was basically their father. “I think there might be something wrong with me…”
Din reacted on instinct immediately. “What? Are you sick? What’s going on?” Jai could hear the panic in his tone, thinking them ill or in danger. They dropped their helmeted head into their hands in embarrassment and frustration.
“ Dank farrik … I’m fine.” Jai punctuated the last word as they looked back up. “I just… I don’t really feel the same way about… things… that other people my age do…”
Din hesitated - they were being weirdly vague here despite the reassurance that all was well. “Okay… Such as…”
“Uhmmm…” Jai winced under the visor. “Such as… romantic relationships… and physical things…”
Heart dropping in his stomach, totally unprepared for such a conversation, Din replied a bit shakily, “You mean… sex?”
“Yeah…”
Din cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Wouldn’t you rather talk to Omera about this?”
“That’s what I thought, too,” Jai huffed. “But Omera said I should talk to you - said you might understand me better.”
“She did, huh?” He’d have to talk to her later about springing this sort of uncomfortable thing on him unexpectedly. But this was what being a parent was all about, right? Jai didn’t have any other adults in their life who they trusted. So Din was going to have to swallow his own self-consciousness and help his kid . “Alright, Jai. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Jai was desperate for answers, and so, despite their trepidation, they poured out everything - how they’d never felt drawn to a person in these ways, couldn’t imagine it even being a possibility, didn’t think they’d ever want to have sex or get married or have children… They shared their fear that there was something inherently wrong or broken inside of them… that being how they were was weird and embarrassing… something they should carry around with shame and sadness for the rest of their life.
It didn’t take long for Din to understand why Omera had sent Jai to him . He could relate in many ways - not all of them, because in the end he was capable of feeling these things under the right circumstances, however rarely - but still, he’d spent most of his life feeling similarly “unattracted” and uninterested. Jai’s sorrow and turmoil over this, though - that nearly broke his heart.
Being different was not a tragedy.
Din wished he could look Jai in the eyes for this conversation, but the intercom would have to do for now.
“Ad’ika,” Din started, tone soft as was possible through the modulator. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are not the only one who doesn’t experience these things. I know because I don’t, either. I think that’s why Omera thought we should talk.”
Jai couldn’t hide their shock at that. “But… you and Omera…”
“Yeah, I know. But, Jai, she’s literally the only person I’ve felt that way about in my entire forty-something years. Until her, I felt a lot like you do.”
“Oh… So are you saying that I’ll feel different when I meet the right person?” Jai still couldn’t wrap their head around the idea of that at all.
Din was quick to correct them. “No, Jai. We can’t see the future, but you sound pretty certain that you don’t want that. I was never entirely opposed to the idea - it just didn’t interest me. And I always thought that if I ever had the opportunity to really get to know someone that I might like to try having a relationship, but I just figured it would never happen - and that was fine with me.”
Jai was still a bit confused. “Okay, but the… physical stuff … Did the idea repulse you this way? Or you just weren’t interested in it before her?” Jai wasn’t clueless - they knew what went on behind closed doors even if they wished they didn’t.
Din considered for a moment and huffed out a small laugh. “Repulsed is definitely not the right word - maybe more like indifferent. I was curious at your age even though I never felt drawn to any specific person. But I never enjoyed it the way other people seemed to… and eventually I decided I really just didn’t like it all that much, at least not when it was casual and impersonal… and resolved to just not bother about it unless lightning struck and the right person came along.”
“But then lightning did strike…. You met Omera…”
“Exactly. Before her, I never had these feelings for anyone . And Jai… it wasn’t love at first sight… or even lust. It took a long period of friendship before I felt anything at all like that.” Din paused in thought. “It’s my understanding that’s not exactly… typical… but I can’t imagine myself being any other way.”
Wow… okay… This was helpful, actually. So not feeling attraction and being uninterested in sex and relationships wasn’t a problem , at least not in Din’s mind, and while Din was open to the possibility and capable of experiencing it rarely , it was still okay if Jai felt it never . They just fell at two different points on a spectrum. But Jai still had some questions - mostly to satisfy their own curiosity now. This was all so confusing.
“If it’s not too personal… How does it work? Because Omera isn’t like you.”
Din chuckled. “No, she’s not. All of this comes much more naturally to her. But she was patient with me… very patient.”
“Well,” Jai hummed. “If I was ever going to have a relationship - which I’m not - but if I was, I’d want to be like you and Omera. You’re very good for each other.”
Din smiled under the helmet. “Thanks, Jai, I like to think so, too. You feel better about this now?”
“I really do.” They shook their head in disbelief. “Thank you so much, Din.”
“You’re welcome,” he replied warmly. “We can talk any time, alright?”
Jai remained quiet for the remainder of the trip, but at least the mood in the small spacecraft was lighter, less oppressive.
And when Jai sobbed into their pillow that night in their quarters on Trask, Din understood that it was the pressure valve releasing - finally letting go of a burden they’d carried in private for far too long. He’d done the same some years ago, the night he’d given his child away to the Jedi - in the very same barn on Sorgan Jai now considered their home, soothed by a kind friend who would one day become his loving partner.
And when Din came in to sit by their bed and silently run a comforting hand over their back, they let him - this man who had understood them for as long as they could remember, who was at once their brother in arms and yet now their father in every other way that mattered.
How silly to think there was anything they couldn’t tell him.
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“Did Jai talk to you about… anything…?” Omera questioned, lazily running her fingers over Din’s naked chest in the afterglow of their reunion.
He looked down at her pointedly before responding, voice dripping with his typical brand of sarcasm and mild annoyance. “ Yes . A little warning would have been nice, cyare.”
Omera couldn’t help but giggle at his tone. “I’m sorry, love. I wanted to protect Jai’s privacy… But I knew you could help them with this more than I could. Did you have a good talk?”
“Yeah. I think they feel better about the whole thing now.” Din didn’t say anything more. He and Jai had always had an unspoken understanding. The rare vulnerability they allowed each other stayed between them - a pact between comrades and a promise among aliit. Jai had spent the better part of a night sobbing in his arms, years of pent up confusion and turmoil released all at once - but not another living soul would ever know about it.
“Good, I’m glad,” Omera sighed as she snuggled closer, wrapping an arm around his middle. “Can you imagine having ‘the talk’ with Grogu? Winta and Jai were probably easy in comparison.”
Din snorted. “Well, if we’re really lucky, we’ll be dead by then.”
“Din!” she reprimanded him. She had to admit, though, it was rather funny. And how rare to see this lighter, playful side of her partner.
But Din became quiet after that, the sort of quiet she now understood was pensive. “You’re thinking loudly, love. Anything you’d like to share?”
He looked at her strangely then, almost like he was nervous - a rare state for him. “Uhhh… there’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you… but I wasn’t sure if…” He paused as if gathering his wits and then pressed on with a bit more confidence. “I told Jai that I’d never had feelings for anyone else before you… but it’s not true.”
Omera wasn’t exactly surprised by this information, though it was unexpected. Sure, Din had always insinuated that he’d not had any other romantic relationships in his life, but they hadn’t met until they were already middle aged with a lifetime of prior experiences under their belts. Of course there were probably others. Omera had a husband in her past who she had loved dearly, and she’d told Din quite a lot about him. Why would Din be so nervous about sharing this with her?
“He was my best friend… as a child on Aq Vetina…”
If Omera was shocked to learn that Din had once loved a boy, she didn’t show it. She simply smiled at him warmly as she so often did when he shared something new about himself. “Tell me about him.”
And so he told her everything he could remember.
He and the boy next door had become fast friends when their mothers started a communal garden on the patch of land between their two homes, and they quickly grew attached. And though it was the innocent kind of love typical of youth, it was very much real. The two boys spoke often of getting married one day and tending a garden of their own. Had they both survived the attack on their settlement, maybe they would have done just that. Din would never know.
As Din got older and never developed such feelings for anyone else, he wondered if this Mandalorian version of himself simply wasn’t built for romantic relationships… or if maybe that boy was meant to be the one great love of his life… and that Din’s only chance at happiness died with him on Aq Vetina.
It was cathartic, really, to speak out loud what this boy had meant to him after so many years holding him only in memory - and to know that his wife understood and accepted it so tacitly… that was liberating. He’d kept this from her for so long.
His fingers slipped through her hair as he spoke, lips brushing the top of her head. “I never looked at anyone that same way again until you.” It had happened slowly as they’d become closer, and it had taken him by surprise when it finally manifested itself in his conscious awareness. He hadn’t thought he was capable of falling in love again.
“Well, I’m glad you did,” Omera replied softly. “Do you think about him a lot?”
Din nodded, a sad smile turning somewhat brighter. “Winta reminds me of him sometimes… with her well-intentioned schemes… spreading joy and happiness everywhere she goes…. He was like that, too.”
“Thank you for telling me about him, sweetheart. I know it’s hard for you to talk about your childhood.”
He kissed the top of her head in response, and she hugged him tighter. “You make it easier.”
“Can I ask you something personal?” She lifted herself off his torso and swiveled to face him as he gestured for her to continue with that trademark tilt of his head. “So have you been intimate with both women and men?”
There it was again - the fear . She could see it in his face, but he’d already decided to tell her everything it seemed. “Yes… I don’t have a gender preference… on the very rare occasions I indulged, anyway.” He met her eyes before adding cautiously, “Does that bother you?”
She reassured him gently with a hand to his heart and a soft smile. “How could I not love something that’s part of who you are?”
All of his fears dissolved in that moment. Dank farrik , this woman never ceased to amaze him. “I’m honestly not sure why you love me in the first place… but I thank the Maker for it daily.”
Omera leaned forward to kiss him softly. “You don’t ever have to be afraid to talk to me… about anything .”
“I know,” he replied quietly. “I love you, Omera. Thank you… for being you.”
“I love you, too, Din - every part. Don’t ever doubt it.”
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As much as the village loved to gossip, so did it love a grand celebration. Jai didn’t much like being the center of attention - it was quite horrible actually… but they appreciated the intention behind it nonetheless. Winta, of course, had been the one to let it slip, and how could they not celebrate one of their own being admitted to university? The first from their small village no less?
On more than one occasion during this joyful event, a well-meaning elder would stop Jai to suggest they might be a good match for one of the other young people in the village. And for once, Jai knew exactly how to respond - with the truth. “I’m not interested in relationships. I think you’ll find a better match elsewhere.” And it felt good - free of the pressure of societal expectations. Jai had no need for those.
The rest of the family was happy and proud, of course, but there was a bittersweetness to it, too. They would miss Jai dearly, an integral member of their family whose absence would be felt every day. And so too would Winta have a life of her own someday soon. Din and Omera would still have Grogu for some time, but things would be different…
Their family would change and evolve again and again in the years to come… but they would remain family just the same… and a strong one at that…
To be continued…
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There you have it… Jai is aroace… and Din is demi and bi… These are my headcanons, and I will not be taking questions :-) Their queerness is one more thing Din and Jai have in common.
Stay tuned for an epilogue of sorts to close out the series. We’ll jump ahead to show what our lovely family is doing in the future.
Thank you for reading!
#din djarin x omera#mandomera#the mandalorian fanfiction#din djarin fanfiction#non binary original character#aroace original character#demisexual din djarin#demiromantic din djarin#bisexual din djarin#a new creed#how to build a clan#newpathwrites
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Please stop describing aroace as not wanting or seeking out a romantic/sexual relationship. The terms describe attraction, not behavior, and this is something that has been discussed and explained to exhaustion by aroace communities. I have personally also pursued relationships because I thought I wanted that kind of relationship, and too many people try to say that means I’m not really aroace. I have aroace friends who are in sexual and/or romantic relationships.
I’m not angry at you, I know you don’t intend to cause harm, and I generally agree with your thoughts on how Martin is characterized, but I am so, so tired of people who aren’t aroace telling us who we are, how we feel, and how we behave. There are so many easily-accessible resources and explanations about asexuality and aromanticism with respect to relationships, and I urge you do some research if you feel the need to define us.
I don’t mind if you don’t reply to this. It’s the sort of conversation I would rather have privately, but I’ve seen and experienced too much harassment targeting asexual identities to feel safe going off anon.
No I'm not going to stop doing that because my feeling on this is based specifically on conversations raised by and led by my aroace friends and loved ones. as in this is a frustration that a lot of people in my life who are aroace have repeatedly expressed - that there's no space to express clearly and unambiguously that you're Not Wanting Sex And Relationships because the linguistic space is slipping for that. and they've talked a lot specifically about how that's led to them feeling more pressured to push themselves into sex or relationships, or having to constantly explain and defend their space even within aspec communities. and that's a problem. not that people who want or might want sex and romance but consider themselves broadly asexual or aromatic exist, but that with the semantic drift around aroace, there's not really a term which unambiguously expresses that that's not something they do want.
Action is not the same as desire - having had or wanted a relationship doesn't mean anything for whether you're "actually" aro or ace, any more than having dated men in the past means you're not "actually" a lesbian. comphet is a hell of a situation. I'm not splitting hairs about attraction vs behaviour - I'm talking about desire versus lack of desire.
Yes, fine, good, you can act for a lot of reasons, only some of which are genuinely held desire (trust me I know this). I'm not debating that. I'm saying that the space that's shrunk away in contemporary aspec language is a term which unambiguously means "a person who does not have a desire to have sex or relationships."
In this example, Martin spends much of the story expressing desire for a monogamous romantic relationship and nothing in his story arc, his actions, his dialogue or his fears seem to imply that that's motivated by anything other than a genuinely held desire to have a relationship with a man he is into. He's not aroace in the same way he's not a trans lesbian like. yes he could be being led by common drivers - compulsory sexuality, the desire for emotional closeness, the confusion of working out which feeling's what, only knowing how to navigate relationships through a certain lens, etc - and yes he absolutely could be either of those things, but ultimately there's nothing in the text to support that conclusion as is. He is not written as aroace, and in terms of material questions like 'what assumptions do people make about you and what's a justified assumption to make' the two things that matter when it comes to "X is/is not [identity]" are:
what do they outwardly identify as
how do they behave and what desires do they experience and express
like you are absolutely right that it's shitty for people to try and tell you you're not aroace if you are. people know their own identities best. I'm talking about group terminology that's sufficiently materialist to make sense.
like when someone says they're aroace what are appropriate assumptions to make? that this is someone who doesn't want sex or romantic relationships in and of itself, surely? that sex and romance are either low priority or actively not wanted? that they're not likely to be open to attempts to initiate sex or romance, and that their rejection of that isn't personal? that they may prefer long-term to not have a partner and that not having a partner isn't a source of great pain and loneliness and doesn't indicate an unmet need?
like that's what the term means. a term boundaries a set of basic assumptions. that doesn't mean nobody in that group can then turn around and say 'actually I am sad I don't have a partner' or 'actually I think I do want to try a relationship with you' or 'actually it's very validating when people flirt with me'.
similarly like an assumption it's reasonable to make about bisexual people, and an assumption that's embedded in the term, is 'is interested in sex or romance with people of multiple genders.' that doesn't mean I can't be bisexual and also have a complex relationship to what if any sexual or romantic desires I have and why. but it means that if I'm talking about bisexual people, I'm expecting you to join me in the assumption that yes we're talking about People Who Experience Multiple Gender Attraction. sexuality is messy and complicated let's not get it twisted. saying 'this is what the word means' doesn't remove the existence of complex experiences of self and of desire. but what the implied meaning of a word is matters and people were and are acting as if the implied meaning of 'aroace' has nothing to do with inherent desire for sex and romance which seems to me to leave a pretty substantial communication gap.
as I said in the tags - is there a more unambiguous word for 'people who are explicitly uninterested in romance and sex' than aroace? what is it? what is the word that's meant to go there? because THAT IS AN IMPORTANT THING TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS UNAMBIGUOUSLY. and it doesn't mean I'm looking for a word that means 'has never for any reason pursued or experienced romance or sex' which I feel is how you're characterising what I'm saying (and I get that this is a triggering topic with a lot of baggage for a lot of people so I absolutely get why you're reacting as if that's what I'm saying). nor does it mean I'm looking for a word that means '100% gold star virgin who's never dated or had a sexy thought.' it means I'm looking for a word that means 'is uninterested in sex and romance' to describe a reason why somebody might choose to not have relationships, or to not have sex, or might have no sexual or romantic history through choice. key word might. but the fact is every time somebody uses aroace as a descriptor of 'reasons why people may choose not to have relationships' people end up 'correcting' them to say 'some aroace people have relationships' which is. kind of irrelevant to the point. some lesbians are married to men (comphet, changing sense of self, marriages of convenience, lavender marriages etc) but when I say 'she doesn't want to date him because she's a lesbian' we understand what the common understanding of lesbian is.
ultimately idk how to end this post. my point in the original post wasn't 'nobody who's aroace has experience of sex or relationships' but 'aroaceness is a reasonable reason why someone might not have had sex or relationships' and my point in the tags you're objecting to isn't 'aroace as a term should only include people who would never consent to sex or relationships,' it's 'a lack of inherent wish for sex and relationships used to be what we understood aroaceness to imply; now that no longer seems to be the implication and that leaves a gap where a lot of people, aroace and otherwise, struggle to express that experience'
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“Kuroko no Basket is not gay” - and why that statement is bullshit
I know I said I was leaving for today but this is something that has bothered me for a long time and I would like to say this.
I take issue with the title statement, and I’m going to explain why. This is going to be a very long post so grab a snack and get comfy.
Okay. To begin with, I’m going to talk about Kagami. He, along with Kuroko (but that’s another story), are the only male characters on the Seirin team who show no interest in Momoi. There are plenty of things that make this odd. One is the fact that Hyuuga has said he doesn’t like girly girls, yet even he salivates over Momoi. So Momoi is hot stuff. Yet Kagami shows zero attraction to her. He says to Kuroko that she’s cute, but that doesn’t mean he’s interested in her. Kuroko agrees she’s cute, but we know he isn’t interested in her at all. You can be aesthetically attracted to someone but not romantically or sexually. Secondly, his interactions with Alex. Kagami seems thoroughly disturbed by Alex when she does things such as try to kiss him or when she walks around naked. First of all this is odd for a teenage boy. It’s not that Alex isn’t attractive. The Seirin members also go gaga over her similar to Momoi. And I don’t believe it’s that she’s a mentor/parent/older sister figure, because of Himuro’s interactions with her. Himuro is not bothered by her behaviour at all, he just seems amused. When she tries to kiss him, he stops her and says people don’t do that casually here. This implies he’d be fine for her to kiss him if they were back in America. You could explain this as ‘maybe Kagami is just a prude’, and yeah, maybe he is. That’s one option.
However there’s more. In Kurofes, his answer to ‘what is your type (as in romantic partner)’ is very odd. I have spoken to other people who speak Japanese and they also agree his answer is very strange. So, Kagami responds that he is attracted to “an elegant gir- person”. He starts saying the word girl, and then stops and changes to a gender neutral term. This is odd. The change from female to neutral seems significant. Why did he feel the need to stop saying a female term and change to a neutral term? Plenty of other characters in Kurofes say gender neutral person instead of girl (male characters) or boy (female characters) but that’s a normal response and they most likely are still straight. However that Kagami felt the need to specifically change his answer is very strange. My personal theory is that he just doesn’t think about his sexuality. He doesn’t seem the type to think about that kind of thing. All he cares about is basketball, not who he’s going to date. My theory is that he started saying girl because most people default that everyone is straight (shitty but true), and since Kagami doesn’t think about this he just automatically began to say girl. However, he changed his mind. So I think in that moment he realised “wait I do like guys” and thus changed his answer. You could take his answer two ways. That he’s bisexual, and wanted to use a neutral term to say he likes both girls and guys. Or you could take it that he is gay. Reo for example uses a gender neutral term in his answer, but we know he’s canonically gay. I would believe either, that Kagami is gay or bi, but personally I think it’s entirely possible that he’s gay judging by his interaction with female characters.
We’re going to move onto another topic. The topic is that Fujimaki knows jack shit.
Example one. Murasakibara. Murasakibara is autistic. There is no doubt. There is no argument. He is. He is autistic. However, I don’t think Fujimaki intended for him to be autistic. And by that I mean, Fujimaki does not know what autism is. He doesn’t know it is a thing that exists. There are a few reasons to support this. First, the way other characters talk about Murasakibara. Kuroko for example. Kuroko’s a smart kid. He likely would be aware that Murasakibara is autistic. However, when Kuroko describes Murasakibara and his personality, he makes no mention of this condition. Murasakibara is essentially described by characters as to be ‘just weird’. Things such as autism and mental illnesses are not understood well in Asian countries. I honestly do not have much knowledge of the way such things are treated in Japan, but in South Korea these things are barely acknowledged. Martina from EatYourKimchi has spoken about her experiences as a teacher in S.Korea. She mentioned that she had students she was convinced were autistic, and when she brought this up to the other teachers they responded “No they’re just a troublemaker. There’s nothing wrong with them.” I assume this view is the same in Japan (especially going by Fujimaki’s opinion of LGBT culture - which we’ll get to later). So, Fujimaki likely doesn’t even know autism exists, he just thinks it’s a weird personality some kids have, and gave it to Murasakibara for variety, without realising his character actually has a medical condition.
Example two. Reo. I love Reo. He is beautiful and lovely and I love him. But he is THE SHITTIEST AND LAZIEST attempt at a gay character I have ever seen. Fujimaki has NO IDEA about anything LGBT. There have been discussions on this already, for example here. I highly recommend you read this post, but I’ll also go into this as well. So in Japan, for many people who are not in the gay community, being gay, transgender, or even just a crossdresser are considered the same thing. If you’re gay you’re trans. If you’re a male who wears dresses, you’re gay and trans. And so on. That’s the opinion. It’s fucking stupid. But that’s how it is.
Now let’s look back at Reo. First of all, Hayama refers to him with a female honorific, ‘nee’ meaning older sister. This does not necessarily mean Reo identifies as female. In Asian countries, many males who exhibit motherly qualities are often referred to with female terms. For example, my fav kpop group of VIXX. The leader, Hakyeon, is very motherly to the younger members, and the younger members sometimes refer to him as their mother. Does that mean he’s gay or identifies as female? Of course not. The same is with Reo. He’s motherly to the other members of Rakuzan, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s transgender. He certainly could be, but he also could not be. The combination of multiple things, the female honorific, the fact that Reo has been depicted with the other female characters in art and omake panels, and that Hyuuga uses a transphobic slur with him, all suggests that Fujimaki shares that stereotypical opinion of if you’re gay you’re also trans, and so on. I’m not saying Reo is or is not trans, I don’t know and I will never know, because Fujimaki doesn’t fucking know either.
More on sexuality and why Fujimaki knows nothing about LGBT. Alex. Her answer as to what is her type in Kurofes is that she likes assertive men. However we know Alex is bisexual. She is attracted to females as well. She states this plainly. You could say she only platonically kisses girls and while I recognise platonic kisses are a thing (I’m aroace so ofc I do) I don’t think it applies here, and I will tell you why. To most of us modern kids on tumblr, sexuality and gender are all very normal things that we know a lot about. But to most what I’m going to call ‘normal’ people not on tumblr, they are not educated in such topics. A straight man is just not going to kiss another man. Maybe if he’s an actor playing a gay character, but I don’t think many straight guys are going to be pashing other guys just for fun. If they were into that, they’d be bi. Same with straight girls. I know plenty of straight girls who just would not kiss another girl. It’s not homophobic, it’s just their preference, similar to a lesbian or a gay male not wanting to kiss someone of the opposite gender. It’s just preference. And that’s fine. Fujimaki does has the stereotypical opinion of westerners which is “we’re all gay, we all make out with everyone, and we love taking our clothes off”. And yeah. That’s what Alex is. I love her, but she’s the stereotypical Japanese idea of what an American is. Which is highly inaccurate. However, this does not change the fact that she is bisexual. Again, Fujimaki may not have intended that, but as the same with Murasakibara, it’s true whether he knows it or not.
So. We have established that Fujimaki knows nothing about his own characters. By all this information, it’s entirely possible other characters could have different gender identities or sexualities. Fujimaki would probably say ‘no, they’re all straight’, but tbh, I’m not going to listen to anything he says judging on the way he wrote Murasakibara, Reo, and Alex. I’m just not.
My point here after all that is: if you know the characters better than the author does, do whatever the fuck you want with them. Say they’re gay, say they’re trans. Whatever. Do what you want with them. Fujimaki has no fucking clue what he’s doing with them, so feel free to take his characters and do what you want. If you want to say Takao is gay, go for it, he’s certainly homo with Midorima. If you want to say Kuroko is aromantic, go for it. I get that vibe too.
Basically, do what you want with them, and let others do the same. These are fictional characters. They’re meant to be enjoyed. If you feel the need to snap at people and police them for identifying with a character and saying they are *insert identity here* then you’re an asshole and you need to reevaluate your life choices.
Good day.
btw, Kuroko no Basket is gay af
#kuroko no basket#kuroko no basuke#knb#kurobas#kuroko's basketball#kagami taiga#kuroko tetsuya#himuro tatsuya#alexandra garcia#murasakibara atsushi#mibuchi reo#long post
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Update: My Romantic Identity Discussed Below
The statement that started it all
I honestly feel like I’m slowly becoming repulsed at the idea of ever being in a romantic relationship again. The thought of being romantically intimate is honestly:
1. Gross b/c intimacy with another person is not my thing, first off (since I’m asexual af and, although not sex repulsed, I still am not totally with the whole having sex thing)
2. Pointless in every aspect b/c tbh platonic relationships are way better because those are relationships that may be long term or short but still bring me happiness like no other. (I COULD HONESTLY GO ON A RANT ABOUT MY PLATONIC LOVE FOR MY BEST FRIEND AND MY GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM HS THAT SOMEHOW STILL STAY STRONG TO THIS DAY BUT I SHAN’T SINCE THATLL BE LONG AF. I will mention my best friend throughout this post as my #1 example tho so we shall temp name her N)
My evaluation of self
After experiencing and assessing my past relationships, I noticed my actions were all exaggerations of what I had interpreted what a relationship was meant to be like.
I never noticed that I found it more to be this “job” or “activity” that was to be fufilled and that I could fufill the needs that were placed. I wanted to feel like I was really romantically interested and invested, that I really wanted something more intimate than my friendships. But instead, I would look for something that wasn’t there, that I had to force it out because I got myself stuck in it & because I had a long period of time where I felt like the only way I can keep a person in my life that I wanted to be friends with, especially guys, was to have some sort of romantic thing with them.
Example of my experience that first brought out the idea of being Aromantic to mind
Like, don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of loving someone in a way that you and the other person become close beyond the boundries of time and circumstance. I fully believe in that, for example myself and my first and genuine best friend N. I had known her since my sophomore year of HS and mAN DO I LOVE HER. Like, at first we were cool af and complimented eachother so nicely, and still do! Everything about her is beyond lovely and I want to spoil her in anyway I can. The thing is, in hs I told her I would date the shit out of her if she wasn’t strictly straight and she responded positively and kindly. I would bug her about it and constantly tell her but man, I’m so glad she didn’t take it seriously or on a whole other level. Instead we continued to get closer as friends and if anything that was our way of me solidifying that we’re going to still be cool as shit no matter what. Of course this is all how I felt during the first two years of us being friends and it also goes to show that I honestly felt like in order to keep her in my life I needed to be more intimate than friends with her to do so. But I didn’t need to. There’s a reason they’re called my friends and a name to why I feel the way I do: Platonicness.
Acceptance
My experience and time with N, and most certainly with the rest of my friends, have made it slowly easier for me to understand why I do certain behaviors and have certain mindsets about having the need to be in an strictly intimately romantic relationship. I need to feel loved and I get jealous b/c when I see couples that are so deeply invested and genuinely loving eachother, I get mad jealous. But I also noticed the last time that I hung out with my group of friends thAT I HAD FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME AND ARE THERE FOR ME AND GENUINELY LIKE MY COMPANY. IMMA SAY IT AGAIN IN CAPS. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME AND ARE THERE FOR ME AND GENUINELY LOVE ME FOR ME. And dude that blows my motherfucking mind. It took so long for it to settle in my heart and mind but since that day, since the last time we all hung out, it’s safe to say that I feel the fucking love and the feeling that it gives me is honestly better than any feeling I got while I was dating. And even now Im still recalling and evaluating my relationships and the best ones are those that are platonic as fuck and man, theyre the best.
I was going to take a small break from dating to see what the fuck is wrong with me and why I can’t seem to be doing the whole dating scene and feeling connected to it right, but I don’t think I need that small break. I feel bad for saying this, honestly. I feel ashamed, but I’ve been slowling connecting myself to it for the past few months/year. I know about it and explored it when I was exploring asexuality and solidified it to myself.
I believe that I’m aromantic.
So that makes me an aroace which is pretty darn cool and man makes me feel so much better about myself. Like, I’m also pan af but in a platonic sense. Like dude. I love to love and the best way to love is to love the people I hold dear to me. Like DUDE IT FEELS SO GREAT TO KNOW THAT I CAN PLATONICALLY LOVE MY FRIENDS AND THOSE DEAR TO ME, KISS THEIR CHEEKS, HOLD THEIR HANDS, HUG THEM, AND LOVE THEM AND THEIR EXISTENCE W/O FEELING FORCED OR PRESSURED INTO DATING THEM BECAUSE ew yucky and I personally can’t see myself doing that. However, the only downside is that I love to flirt around and compliment constanly and etc. with them and sometimes when I text people in general, that part slips out and gets misinterpreted so looks like I need to clarify these things with the people who don’t know this to avoid miscommunication ^^;;;;;
Like, I wouldn’t go out of my way to yell to my coworkers or family that Im aroace, but it is a little victory for me. And the thing is, if someone were to like me:
1. Impossible
2. I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of it but I wouldn’t say yes right away.
I would think “ok wait, if I were aromantic but still dating, isn’t that lying or being fake?” Well, I don’t think it would. I used to feel like that when I first identified myself as asexual. I don’t find sexually attracted to people but I’m not against having sex or masturbating. AND THATS OKAY. So I’m pretty sure it’s okay for me to be aromantic and date if I feel it genuinely appropriate and comfortable. I found this statement when I was exploring this idea and it almost instantly calmed my nevers b/c of relevancy:
“Think of it like Asexuals liking/ being ok with sex without sexual attraction/ getting moral satisfaction out of sexually satisfying their partner. Replace the sexual with its romantic counterpart. It is a real thing, just probably (not common).” - Starbit, AVEN member
TLDR:;
Not only am I asexual as heck, I’ve finally come to terms with my aromanticism. I may not know which kind of aromantic, the same goes for which kind of ace, but at least I’ve found terms that make me feel at ease. It took me a long time and a lot of reflecting but I’m glad I’ve come to terms with it. Looks like I gotta change my bio now, mates.
If you read all of this omfg I ♡ you for being a champ! I really needed to let this out, and without the whole “read more…” button b/c fuck that. This is important to me and I refuse for it to be unnoticed. I guess having a term for me is going to make things a lot easier for people to understand me now.
Anyway yeah, thanks for a lot of things. I’m still going to be here. I’m still going to be me.
♡
#that was a lot#but so is trying to figure out parts of ourselves#i'm genuinely excited and happy that it's okay to feel the way that i feel#yeah man#a lot of positivity this month#me#text#aromantic#aro#asexual#ace#aroace#lgbtq#lgbtq+#pride#my story#about me#thank you ♡
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KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.
1. BASICS
NAME: grey
PRONOUNS: they/them
SEXUALITY: aroace af
ZODIAC SIGN: leo ( and casually loving how fitting this is as a voltron fan )
TAKEN OR SINGLE: taken
THREE FACTS:
1. i’ve got two cats named taishi and kyoko, but they live with my dad rn because my place doesn’t allow pets. which i hate. also, taishi is massive, he’s bigger than a lot of small dogs.
2. I have a weakness for phone games? i’m super picky about them but once i find one to invest myself in, i INVEST MYSELF. this has mainly shown itself in love live: school idol festival where i will work hard to do well in events and... i have actually put money into it... don’t look at me just leave me to my waifus....
3. my depression has sliced my ability to focus on things into itty bitty pieces, so while i WANT to be watching tv shows and movies, most of what i watch rn is youtube. largely gameplays.
2. EXPERIENCE
HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): er... probably 6 or 7 years? i’ve been bad at keeping track.
PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: proboards, other forums, tumblr, dreamwidth
BEST EXPERIENCE: dreamwidth tbh. playing in panfandom games there is so much fun bc it really allows you to develop your character and relationships with other characters. if you find the right game and the right people, good god can you have a great time. i do like tumblr, but there are a lot of aspects that i... don’t care for. dwrp worked better for me in a lot of ways but, due to weird anxiety issues that i don’t even know how to explain to myself, i took a step back and decided to chill on tumblr with much fewer muses than i was juggling on dw.
3. MUSE PREFERENCES
FEMALE OR MALE: i don’t really have a preference, per se. i’ve loved the males and females that i’ve written, but i do find that i tend to have more male muses. and my strongest muses have all been male.
MULTI OR SINGLE: single. it’s much cleaner and just easier to handle. i personally find multi-muse blogs to be kind of messy and frustrating to sort through. i like having separate spaces/blogs for each of my muses.
4. WRITING PREFERENCES
FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: angssstttttt. i can write angst for days. i just really love getting to explore darker themes, and dig deep into characters’ issues and flaws, whatever they may be. i’m just one of those people who has fun hurting my muses lmao. that said, i do love me some fluff too, i just find it harder to hold a thread sometimes. and smut’s good too, if i’m playing a sexual character. i’ve... only ever written smut with one of my muses, actually, but it was always fun. it’s one of those things where i have to be in the right frame of mind to write, though.
PLOTS OR MEMES: both tbh. i looooove to discuss and plot things and create aus and all that, but i’m also down for just memeing it up. some of my best threads have come from memes. there are a lot of directions they can take you, and i really love the potential.
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: long is definitely my preference. i love getting into detail about everything -- a character’s actions, thoughts, feelings, just all of it. i find long replies more rewarding, personally. but i still enjoy short replies too! quick little things can be fun, though i do oftentimes struggle to keep replies short. i just automatically want to elaborate on why my character is doing or saying this thing.
BEST TIME TO WRITE: just about any time tbh. whenever i’m feeling it. of course, right after watching canon or discussing aus or doing some character analysis i’m more pumped up, but. unless my brain is disagreeing with me, i’m usually good to write just about any time.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): i do think i have a tendency to gravitate towards muses i relate to in some way or another. that’s been the case with a lot of the characters i play/have played. as for shiro? mm i’d say we aren’t without similarities, but we’re definitely not super alike. i’m supportive of the people i care about, but there are times when i’m like ‘are u sure that’s a good idea/that’s safe/that you should be doing that’. i would probs be the parent friend if i had a friend group tbh. also hahahahaha bottling up emotions and problems and shoving them under the bed so as to not deal with them.
tagged by: @astraei
tagging: @alteastarlight @cosmicdvst @fyrelion @blackbled @thalassvphile
#ᵈᵃᵈ ˢᵖᵉᵃᵏˢ ( ooc. )#ᵇᵉʰᶤᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜᵉᶰᵉˢ ( the mun. )#ok i think i'm gonna nap now my brain is askjfsjgdf
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