when sora first woke up in quadratum he's dizzy and confused, can hardly walk, and then strelitzia finds him as soon as he starts to lose consciousness and takes him home.
she takes care of him, lays him down on her soft couch and tries to get him as comfortable as possible. as she does this sora starts to somewhat wake up, but when he realizes his necklace is missing he starts panicking: his eyes grow wide, they were already wet with how exhausted he was and he can't exactly speak but he desperately tries to find it.
the ex-dandelion panics as well but quickly realizes why the boy was this distressed when he finally spots the crown pendant on a small table near the couch and pathetically reaches for it. strelitzia gives it back to him with no hesitation and sighs when he finally calms down, fainting again.
she doesn't bring it up later on, when sora's "better". after all, getting used to the city while also having his mind fogged up is really taking a toll on him.
when she does talk about it though, they're on sora's balcony. it's night and the stars aren't exactly visible but it's nice nonetheless.
"do you remember when you woke up here?"
sora blinks at her, surprised yet not annoyed by having their peaceful quiet interrupted.
"vaguely. i just remember the migraine i got – thanks again for looking after me, by the way."
the redhead shakes her head, then she continues, "no, it's okay, i wasn't bringing it up for that i just..."
she could sense sora was special, that he was there for a reason. another keyblade wielder suddenly spawning in her neighbourhood? that had to mean something, so she was going to try her best to help him remember.
"when i took you in," she continues, "i put you on the couch and i took off your jacket and shoes and also... your necklace."
she points at it, her gaze softening when the moonlight reflects its light on the silver crown. sora automatically follows her finger and looks at it too. he suddenly feels warm. safe. protected.
"you were so shaken when you realized it wasn't with you even for a moment. can you remember why is that?"
she's met with silence and wide eyes.
"what does this necklace mean to you, sora?"
and only for a moment, a comet can be seen away from them, travelling fast in the deep night sky then disappearing. they both quickly turn their heads to look at it.
strelitzia is so mesmerised by it that she almost forgets her question, but is reminded of it when she sees sora crying from the corner of her eyes.
"i don't know," he croaks, "i don't remember and it's making me go mad. i just – i just know that without it i–"
he reaches for it once again, with trembling hands, gulping as the cold metal meets his warm skin.
"i just don't feel safe without it," he simply states.
silence falls between them again, until strelitzia takes sora's free hand in hers.
"sounds like a very powerful lucky charm," she tries. luckily, sora laughs weakly.
"you could say that."
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thinks about "you would kill me?" "i would kill for you. never you," and cellbit's love language being destruction.
thinks about how cellbit will go to any length of self destruction for those he loves. thinks about him not sleeping for months, drinking coffee obsessively, until he's eventually too tired even to boil it and thus begins resorting to eating coffee beans, so he could keep himself sane. thinks about cellbit running from a bear with a chainsaw, and being forced to talk to him as a subordinate for months afterwards. thinks about him pushing people away so theyd let him destroy himself for the federation, unsure if the information he gathered would even be worth it. thinks about the slow death of the self, how much time one can spend running before they collapse from exhaustion, the love in demanding your family eat your corpse.
and then... thinks about outward destruction. thinks about broken trust in the form of an unusable xp machine. thinks about broken hearts in the form of custody battles. corpses with ciphers scribbled in blood left for long lost sisters who don't get it, not yet. badboyhalo describes cellbit pulling a knife on someone when he jokingly asks him to as less personal, and more like a dog being told to play fetch. thinks about him plunging into ravines and caves to kill bad's enemies as bad followed behind, being the first of them to die for bad's victory. thinks about "keep your hands clean." cats bring their owners dead birds out of concern for them being fed, cellbit brings enigmas and bodies because it's all the damage he can do. in a life shaped by violence, how else do you show loyalty than through a willingness to hunt for those who arent strong enough, to kill unthinkingly when they ask? it terrifies his family, but it's all he has left to give.
there are so many parallels between felps' kidnapping arc and the current one. the difference is in how many people are also at their breaking point and couldn't afford to see their rock crumbling. cellbit's mind was the bright light for every damn person on the server who had questions, and at this point, that number is all of them. and no matter where he looks, how much he wants to save them, there are no answers. there is no satisfying conclusion. if only he could go home at night and sleep soundly without thinking about the evidence of his failure to protect anyone resting beneath his feet. there are only more dead ends, more wheels, more humiliation, more degradation of his sanity as he's unable to sleep. his family has been picked off and the remainder have picked apart his corpse to scraps of marrow and flesh and are still starving, too terrified to hunt for themselves. what a blessing that cellbit's hands are already bloodied, and he's angry enough to tear apart the wardens for them to feast.
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hello self shippers; friendly reminder that your f/os love you very much, even if you sometimes think otherwise. You’re never too much or too little for them, you’re just the right amount. They’ll never think you’re too annoying, or too embarrassing, or that you’re too different for them. They’ll never think that you’re too soft, or too emotional, or that you care too much. They’ll never think that you’re “too much” of anything. They love you for you, and they always will, regardless of whatever hardships you might be working through. They’ll always be there to help you when you’re struggling or having a difficult time, even if it seems like “too much”. You’re perfect for them <3
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i do usually try to be pretty transparent abt my pet’s health on here but there are times I hold off on sharing things. Especially when it comes to decisions like euthanasia and stuff because i don’t want to allow anyone on here to cloud my judgement. I do kind of want to share more about Duncan tho:
I am allowing myself to be optimistic that Duncan’s med change will make a big difference for him for some amount of time. I’m also being realistic tho and have to acknowledge that everything so far shows that whatever is wrong with him is degenerative. It is awful and terrible and I’ve felt some grief over it for some time that I haven’t shared on here.
I’m not saying he needs to be euthanized today or next month or even this year but it is coming. I’ve hemmed and hawed about it on here when people have asked but it’s something that Doc and I have both agreed on for awhile now. Obviously a neurologist could give me more concrete answers but just on working with what we’ve seen so far we’ve come to this conclusion.
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