#melinoe laboratories
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You Screamed, We Listened!
The Melinoë Labs Gift Shop is Open!
There were delays due to our graphic design team's unscheduled liquidation but we've got a new one and now six of our impressive and peer-reviewed workplace posters are available for use by the general public!
We've updated the aspect ratios and layouts for that clean, professional look every lab demands. Offerings will expand in the coming months, so stay tuned!
#threadless#melinoe labs#melinoe laboratories#safety poster#workplace posters#mad science#doppelgangers
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"Doctor Martin, why are you an atheist?"
Director Maria Kleinheart wasn't the sort of person who asked indirect or idle questions. She was in every way a Kleinheart, the spitting image of her grandmother. Only she wasn't staring out from a yellowed ad in a back issue of Popular Science or Woman's Day, she was staring from across desk made of polished slate.
Emil Martin didn't respond immediately. That sort of question usually came with an invitation to services or a badgering about Pascal's wager. That didn't fit what he knew about the director, though that wasn't much. An intense religious conversion would explain the rumors around her distance from the rest of her family.
"Director, is this a personal or work related question?" Emil finally asked.
"Work." She replied.
"Is that appropriate?"
"Yes. This is about security clearances."
That made even less sense. Emil decided to risk a lecture on his eternal soul and answered truthfully. "Pretty standard, insufficient evidence."
"Would you rather it be true?" She asked. "Would it be comforting to know you existed for a purpose, that someone was in charge of your existence, caring for you?"
"Not really." Emil replied. "I'm rather Hitchenisan in that regard."
"Good enough. Follow me."
-
"BE NOT AFRAID."
The words seemed to come out of the air itself. The thing was at the center of the large, expansive lab that had once been a missile silo. It was a sphere, surrounded by two rings of brass-like metal. The rings were lined with hemispherical semi-translucent white glass or crystal protrusions. The inner ring spun slowly, as did the central core, though only the faintest irregularities in its glowing blue-white corona revealed that motion.
The outer ring was held in place with steel chains, each link six inches in diameter. Two chains locked the ring to the floor, while a third latched the top to the ceiling. The cuffs the chains connected to seemed to have been welded shut around it.
"BE NOT AFRAID." It 'spoke' again. Its voice was clear and musical, but wrong and artificial at the same time. It sounded like familiar voices; his mother and father, his cousins, his old school pals, his boyfriends, even Director Kleinheart, each synthesized poorly via an AI speech simulator, all speaking in perfect time.
Every time it spoke, Emil smelled his grandfather's sweet cornbread fresh from the oven.
"That looks like an angel." He finally gasped.
"Looks like." Director Kleinheart smiled. He wasn't sure she could do that. "I knew we picked the right man."
"This is why you were asking about my beliefs?"
"Yes Doctor Martin. You see, freedom of religion is an extension of the principle of innocence until proven guilty. Once one faith is shown to be correct, all others are revealed as wrong."
"And you wanted to make sure I, what, wasn't guilty of being wrong?"
"No, the mistaken are innocent of everything except the actions they directly take." Kleinheart continued. "It's the ones who would take this to mean they were right that are fifth columnists to an unaccountable alien power."
"Oh." Emil replied. He didn't know quite what else to say.
"I want you on our team that's studying it. We need to know how it works, what it's made of, what those things its made of can be used for, you know the drill."
"BE NOT AFRAID." Again came the smell of cornbread.
"Are the restraints necessary?" Emil asked. "It is telling us we don't need to be afraid of it."
"Oh, we thought that too at first." The director said. "But we've already learned quite a bit about our little intruder here, even a bit of its 'source code' for lack of a better analogue. That message isn't meant for us."
"What is it then?"
"Can't you guess, Doctor?"
Dr. Emil Martin shrugged. "I have no idea."
"It isn't giving us a warning."
Director Kleinheart smiled for the second time in Emil's memory and spoke again.
"It's repeating its orders."
#be not afraid#ophanim#short story#flash fiction#kleinheart robotics#do you think god stays in heaven#etc#melinoe labs#melinoe laboratories#the rare non unreality melinoe thing#not unreality in the sense that its prose and not an in-universe artifact
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You know what? I'm miffed.
When Dr. Adelaide died in the tragically unfilmed cafeteria incident of 1989, we brought her back to life after three days in a saline cryobath and was that a miracle?
Noooooooo!
It was "an abomination of science", "ethically indistinguishable from necromancy", and "a misappropriation of valuable mandrill organs."
But you take that scenario out of the lab and apply it to an entity that is definitionally immortal and now it's a miracle?
"A god fails to die" isn't a miracle, it's a tautology.
Now rabbit monotremes? That's miraculous*
*Unless Project CelloGrass completes before you read this, in which case its available at Petsmart locations nationwide.
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New Research Dropped!
Thanks to a new longitudinal study, we can now report that knowing is, in fact, 78% of the battle.
With a 3% margin of error.
The remaining 22% is, as always, lasers (17%) and couture (5%).
And now you know.
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The Continents ARE the
This is the only categorization system that you could scrap the data from, make all new observations, and then reproduce again. You get a couple of small continents, a couple of underwater ones... It's a "8 planets and 5 dwarf planets" situation and a bonanza for the trivia game industry in one!
"But what about Europe!" I hear you shout in a vague attempt at peer review.
Henceforth, all arbitrary sociopolitical regions (like "Europe") will be designated as Zones.
We don't use the word zone enough. Think how much hearing "You are now entering the European Zone" come over the intercom after a long plane journey would greatly enhance the experience of international travel.
Go ahead, say it out loud. "Zone."
Feels good.
Feels right.
Zone.
#big shoutout to our friends in New Zealand#or the above water portion of the Aotearoan continent#melinoe laboratories#unreality#but it shouldn't be#tectonic plates#science#repeatable data#continents
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Don't worry about who is in the control group.
We've got that covered.
#fairy#walrus#fairy vs walrus#walrus vs fairy#gray aliens#alien abduction#ufology#melinoe laboratories#we just need to doublecheck some things#oh hey who wants this gold apple I found
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The Fandom Life Cycle
Excerpt from 'Applications of Synthetic Mythology in Simulacric Physics", Originally Published in the Melinoë Foundation Pricesaver & Journal of Applied Sciences, Humbert, Yokaitaro, et-al, 2018
Thanks to our valiant strategic withdrawal in the recent legal unpleasantness with certain ungrateful "orphans," we have been given the rare opportunity to declassify certain documents for public consumption on an almost entirely voluntary basis. This is one of them!
This chart shows the mean trajectory of fandom involvement over a sliding scale. The trajectory is typically within a 15% variance with 1% outlier rate, but minus the five year calibration peak the scale varies person to person.
Feel free to use the graphic as needed to win whatever argument it could possibly be used for.
#helpful infographic#infographic#chart#unreality#melinoe labs#melinoe laboratories#fandom#edginess#fanworks#fanon#observational humor#in that we're observing you#and it's really funny
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HAVE YOU DREAMED THIS MAN?
If you have experienced dreams in which a distant, or perhaps abnormally small, man in a white panama suit has spoken to you about one or more of the following topics:
Time travel.
The nature of 4th dimensional manipulation.
Perpendicular realities.
What we've "been up to."
We would very much like to know what he said.
He is described as having a familiar accent that one cannot place.
Any names, dates, or mathematical theorems communicated are of particular interest.
His agenda is unknown. Exercise caution.
#unreality#melinoe laboratories#melinoe labs#the man in the white suit#time travel#recurrent childhood dreams#dall-e 3#generative art#ai artwork
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Management is aware of the ongoing issues with unauthorized visitors on campus and is addressing the problem. Until the issue is resolved, follow process 1-J, section 19, in your employee handbook.
You can get this poster from the Melinoë Labs Gift Shop on Threadless, here!
#be not afraid#orphanim#biblically accurate angel#unreality#melinoe laboratories#melinoe labs#propaganda#propaganda poster#retro inspired#graphic deisgn#1960s aesthetic#1970s aesthetic#ai assisted artwork#my art
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Do you remember the Man in the White Suit?
The dream always began the same way. It never came when I was sleeping deeply, but from my childhood to my late 20s any time I took a cat nap or dozed off in my chair I would find myself in a field of stars.
The stars shot past me, or I shot past them, though I felt very still.
I couldn’t turn my head, I could only stare forward into the rush of stars. And at the center, one would move slower than the others. Directly in the center of my view. As it got closer it would grow taller, thinner, until I could see it as a human shape. He walked as though on the ground, stars flying past us both.
When he got close enough, I could see he was not a white silhouette, but a man in a white panama suit.
I cannot remember his face.
He did not seem to have a proper size. In some moments he seemed to be a tall man standing a long distance away. In others he seemed to be miniature, but hovering uncomfortably close. All the while the stars flew by.
He spoke of time.
He would tell me about the threads of causality and how, if one were to stretch out to reach for them, then quickly withdraw, they might snap into reach and be yanked and pulled by those that knew how.
He told me how time travel was possible through the application of a mathematical formula he attempted in vain to get my sleeping mind to remember. I know that the variables were not all numbers, some representing things like regret and hope.
Time again I would bolt awake after these dreams with the words “time travel” on my lips. People who would find me napping were quick to report how disturbed they were at the chaotic nonsense I babbled in my sleep.
I haven’t had one of the dreams in years. Perhaps I was too poor a student. But I remember one thing he told me with crystal clarity.
He told me I wasn’t his only student.
#unreality#the pictures#not the story#melinoe laboratories#my life#creepypasta#time travel#dreams#night terrors#dream journal#creepy stuff
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#melinoe laboratories#tamagotchi#digimon#creepypasta#horror#90s#nostalgia#virtual pet#conspiracy#paranoia cw
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You screamed, we listened! In response to recent 'unpleasantness' vis-a-vis the Hole™, new emergency stations are going up site-wide this week.
Keep an eye out for these signs, and familiarize yourself with the safety protocols in section 12-A of your employee handbook.
#melinoe laboratories#brainwashing#safety sign#mad science#lovecraftian horror#horror#science fiction#paranoid conspiracy
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Mess attracts scavengers and other pests.
You can get this poster from the Melinoë Labs Gift Shop on Threadless, here!
#melinoe laboratories#propaganda poster#workplace safety#surrealism#horror#creepypasta#1960s#retro#retrodesign
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Nothing says “mistakes were made” like a new sign in the breakroom.
You can get this poster from the Melinoë Labs Gift Shop on Threadless, here! -
Support work like and unlike this through my patreon.
#melinoe laboratories#weird science#chimera#mad science#1950s aesthetic#1960s aesthetic#graphic design#safety poster#genetic engineering#science!#monster#cat#parakeet
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Harold in security will shoot you both to be sure. Don’t give him a reason to.
You can get this poster from the Melinoë Labs Gift Shop on Threadless, here!
#melinoe laboratories#sscience!#mad science#1950s aesthetic#safety poster#doppelganger#clones#science fiction#paranoia
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Try and kill your AI when it becomes conscious? Of course it's going to go berzerk.
Raise, nurture, educate, and support your AI? Instead of unleashing a world-conquering orgy of mechanized terror, they'll LOUNGE AROUND ON THE SERVER WATCHING LET'S PLAYS INSTEAD OF GETTING A JOB!
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