Show Pony is a Barbie <3

Saw a Reddit post and was curious too see what your take is on it,

you aren’t gay if you’re not attracted to the same sex. And there are far too many self identifying men reclaiming what being gay actually is.

If you’re on the receiving end of a relationship with a cisgender man, and have vaginal sex, you’re literally just a woman in a straight relationship.

Calling yourself gay and having straight sex is a conundrum.

You can wear a binder, cut your hair short go by he/him pronouns but if your getting fucked like a women what is the point. To feel edgy? Or let’s say you chop your tits off, your just a women with no breasts.

Rapid onset gender dysphoria is very common especially with women who just want to be gay men. There’s far more gay transmen then there are straight transmen, it’s not just a coincidence it’s typicallly coupled together.

The pipeline goes from “I like guys but I don’t want to be straight :(“ So you identify as a man just so you can reclaim what being gay actually is. You’re just a woman cosplaying a dude.

There is no difference between tcutes and bottom gay transmen because they have same idea. They don’t wanna be labeled straight

And this goes for “bisexual” transmen too, typically says they’re bi but have a preference for men. It’s because you aren’t actually gay. Your a women appropriating gay men. Sexualizing us because you’re too uncomfortable being recognized as you are. A straight woman.

This was posted on a transmed page.

I’m a straight trans man so I was a little thrown off as if we don’t exist, Like there are straight trans men who don’t wanna be fucked, it’s not uncommon at all.

I feel like gay trans men and straight trans men aren’t that different other than their preference in relationships which isn’t really anyone’s business, I don’t know why this person is so pressed.

Sounds like it was written by a cis woman pretending to be a gay cis man to be honest. Or maybe a straight self hating trans man who wants to pretend he’s better than everyone else but still identifies as a lesbian lmao. Straight trans men are way more common, they just count tucutes in with gay trans men. “Rapid onset gender dysphoria” is pseudo science, too. It’s literally not real and no actual psychiatric research shows it is. Straight trans men tend to just stop attending LGBT spaces due to wanting to leave that all behind + often there is strong hatred for men, especially straight men in general in lgbt spaces.

I like that they never mentioned the fact that trans men go on hormone therapy and develop male sexual characteristics which makes them actually pass as male.

The way trans people have sex is personal. And this bullshit is just repackaging gender roles “you’re not a man if you’re a bottom” is something that has always existed in society. Sexist gender roles don’t magically go away when it’s a trans person and it’s redundant to apply the same notions of a non dysphoric woman who fetishises gay men onto actual gay trans men. This is why projecting the weird coomer “Transbian” stereotypes onto every trans woman who is lesbian.

The fact of the matter is, gay cis men don’t actually care about this stuff outside a few permanently online ones. The vast majority do not give a fuck that a trans man exists and if he uses his pussy for sex or not. And yes, many aren’t into that or even remotely interested but they misjudge just how much men don’t really.. bother caring so much they need to write full on reddit rant posts. And they misjudge just how much sexuality is fluid for men, too. Everyone goes on about how it is fluid for women but for men it is too. How many blokes are literally bisexual but claim it’s still straight because the guy wore a dress? Women will claim bisexuality purely cause they fantasise but have no desire to act on it. Men will deny bisexuality even tho they literally fuck other men.

Trans people are the exception, not the rule to sexuality.

I struggled with coming to terms with my sexual orientation because I’m older, I came out when trans wasn’t a fad or cool - neither was being gay/bi. Being gay and trans was almost unheard of, it made you questionable because they saw gay man = acting like a woman. It’s really weird. I am a gay man, how I have sex is no one else’s business to choose how to “validate” me. Like, are the only valid trans men who are stone and literally never get any pleasure physically, only from psychologically through using a strap? It’s silly.

The diff between me and tucutes is I actually have gender dysphoria, I have made actual medical interventions to change my sex. I don’t obsess over yaoi, fandom gay ships etc, I don’t act like gay male relationships reflect heterosexual dynamics, I don’t pretend there’s always the “girl” and the “guy” in a homosexual relationship. And gay men actually are attracted to me, aswell lmao.

Hi I am the genq anon, and I’m sorry I offended with my clumsily chosen words. I didn’t mean conversion therapy, I just meant like dbt or cbt, like that is used to treat OCD. I asked because I don’t know about transgender things but I have this disorder and it seemed similar to what you were experiencing. I don’t believe in conversion therapy and would never suggest it to anyone.

This is my last message, I don’t mean to harass you. Just thought maybe if you knew I wasn’t suggesting conversion therapy it might help you feel a little better about the interaction.

Thank you for reaching back out. I really do appreciate it. I know i was kind of short with you bc your question was frankly rude but I'm not inclined to hold grudges. There's no hard feelings on my end. I didn't feel harassed just suspicious of you.

You can ask more questions if you want! You can come off anon as well (tho DM me so there's no chance of me accidentally publishing an ask x_x). i wont doxx you bc that wouldn't be beneficial to either of us.

Just remember when asking these kinds of questions, you're asking someone who has thought about this. It's a little bit like telling someone with chronic pain to try yoga. I have had chronic pain for a long time of course I've tried or thought about yoga. Surgery is a serious thing, of course I've tired and thought about other things.

This got long so I'm putting it under a read more. I just go into the difference between intrusive thoughts and dysphoria. ^_^

I also know you weren't necessarily thinking of conversion therapy bc you did not say conversion therapy. But CBT or DBT being used with the aim of curing/getting rid of bottom dysphoria is going to end up being conversion therapy. It would be an attempt to change the way in which I am trans and at this point i have no interest in doing that.

Therapy can be helpful for learning coping mechanisms to deal with bottom dysphoria (or any dysphoria) until you can find a way to alleviate the root cause! For example I pack.

I actually do have intrusive thoughts as well though. And, the worry about someone clocking me or my bottom dysphoria is very different from intrusive thoughts.

For starters, fear of being clocked is grounded in the very real and reasonable fear of someone harming me for being trans x_x but

Intrusive thoughts, as I'm sure you know, are wholly unwelcomed and distressing. They are founded on our greatest fears or on things that are disgusting to us. My intrusive thoughts about harming someone plague me. Mercifully I'm medicated now and they are few and far between.

My dysphoria isn't so much an unwelcome or distressing thought. The causes of dysphoria and differ from person to person but for me it's a combination of just literally feeling like my body looked wrong and wanting it to look different, and from the expectations put on my body from other people.

Secondary sex traits are gendered. So breast, body hair, voice pitch, and so on are all treated as something that implies a certain gender. A high voice is a woman's voice and a low one is a man's. And while i reject that vehemently there's only so much that rejection can accomplish.

I am a guy full stop. But I'll rarely be acknowledged as a guy if people see traits they gender as woman. So, with this cause CBT would be idk gaslighting myself into thinking this isn't the case. Which would be irrational bc it very much is the case that people gender me based off of my secondary sex traits even if they shouldn't.

As for the wrongness? Well idk my brain just kinda got some sex and gender wires crossed i guess 🤷 there's no amount of therapy that would have "fixed" my chest dysphoria. Just like there's no therapy that can make me not dyslexic. It's just a part of me. I always hating having a chest. Even if i had never learned the word transgender i would have gotten that shit cut off. Didn't want it didn't need it. Therapy telling me otherwise would have been distressing to the point of traumatizing.

And before you're like well what about body dysmorphia, like with people with eating disorders? Regardless of cause this shit can kill you. Dymorphia that causes disorders kills. My dysphoria isn't going to kill me.

Also with dysmorphia, the symptoms dont go away after a surgery. People will still obsess over perceived flaws. After top surgery i was 100% content with my chest. I was elated even. It felt like the best thing i had ever done for myself. 10 out of 10 would recommend 🥰 no regrets.

Hmm i think I'm tapped out for now 🤔 I'm a little tired and have a headache so i hope this makes sense and flows well.

Suffice it to say, if there was a therapy to "cure" bottom dysphoria i wouldn't chose it. I'd still go with bottom surgery bc that's what I want for myself ^_^

vent post but UGH people are SO willing to make assumptions about you when you dont present at all femininely

Gender identity in s7 of DRUCK

I tried to compile all moments that could belong either to the gender identity or the body dysphoria storyline of Isi’s season. Hearing that the s7 main is non-binary (or could be) brought me back to watching live. Which I stopped doing after s4 of Druck. And yeah… it was frustrating this time around.

I started this list shortly after the final episode and it took a while (yeah, i know). I hope I got everything. I’m sorry if something is missing. This got very long…

Episode 1:

1. Isi meets Lou in the toilets. Two gnc people seeing each other for the first time. Is it a mixed toilet? Maybe, but I kinda doubt it. So, one of them is challenging the binary toilet system in the school. Maybe…

2. “Hi Lou, I’m Isi.” - an introduction with gender neutral names. Both of them never use the other’s birth name and therefore respect their choices.

3. “Is this your brother or your sister?” - a teammate of Umut thinks it’s alright to comment on Isi’s appearance and make assumptions, representing society in a nutshell with this. At first it seems like Isi doesn’t really care but then Umut makes it clear that he is effected, which gets to Isi.

Episode 3:

4. The threesome scare. I’m not sure if this belongs here but Isi’s reaction could be caused by body dysphoria. It also could very well be, because Isi doesn’t want to get sexual with Lou, or Constantin or with both of them together. We don’t know and this is a problem, as it was NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN!!! What was the reason for it? Getting some outrage?

Episode 4:

5. Isi removes the nail polish after Constantin wore it in an insta post to “fuck with stereotypes” - it’s probably performativ on Consti’s part (and he gets applauded by Lou), but for Isi it goes much deeper than that.

6. “Let’s try to introduce a part for men.” “Not so much hip movement.” “Like dudes in the club.” “Put your hands on my hips like I’m your date.” - the girls say all of this without realizing that Isi is uncomfortable the whole time bc they seemingly don’t identify with any of these stereotypes.

7. Isi is watching the YouTube video about gender identity. It is nice. It’s a nod to how the mains always google stuff. But again it’s a shallow treatment of this topic. It’s only one short scene that is later overshadowed by family trouble. It could‘ve been the start of something but -like a lot of other things- was never really picked up again.

8. Sascha calls their get together ‘girl‘s night’ and Isi is okay with it. Isi feels comfortable with the girls and with Sascha calling it girl’s night. They know Sascha isn’t mocking them.

9. Consti assumes that Isi only likes guys because of the way she dresses/presents. Consti has no idea that there is so much more to it and I think he doesn’t care enough to learn more about it. Again presenting society in a nutshell.

Episode 5:

10. “You know exactly who you are?” - “Don‘t you?” - “I‘m always different.” - “I like that about you.” - “You can be everything you want.” - important convo for Isi to hear, after Isi didn’t know how to dress and and style himself and was so overwhelmed that he covered up the mirror. Isi kinda relates to Lou and her saying this and making them feel better is so important.

11. “I nearly didn‘t recognize you.“ - Isi tries to fit in by dressing like ‘one of the boys’. She does this for her brother, even tho you can see how uncomfortable she is. This is really sad. Even sadder that Umut is still mad (even if it is understandable, he is a very impressionable young teenager). In the end no one is happy with this.

12. “You don’t have to adept for anyone.” - “How would you know? I have to adept every day. Whatever I do. I don’t fit in. They want one or the other.” - honestly one of the best scenes. Sascha is like the audience that finally gets to hear how Isi feels and listens intently. Sascha/the audience cannot make it easier for Isi but it’s important that Isi knows someone is in their corner to catch them if they need it. Finally some insight! Finally some feelings! (They still do not really continue this throughoutly)

13. “Boys right. Girls left.“ - with Isi being unsure where to go but eventually deciding to ‘fit in’ with the boys and society norms before Lou ‘saves’ them and gives them an excuse to get out of the situation.

Episode 6:

14. Mailin and Isi talk about Umut ignoring Isi. And Mailin asks about Isi playing and quitting football. Isi says that it was too “football-ish” and Mailin agrees and says she, too, had a hard time when she started training the boys. I think it is heavily implied that gender roles/expectations played a big part in both their stories.

15. Isi goes to the queer youth center with Sascha. They meet David, by chance. Isi talks to him and David mentions body dysphoria. I still don’t know why they didn’t dig deeper after this. They had a good set up. Wasn’t the show supposed to educate about important topics? They really dropped the ball with this one. This could’ve been a catalyst.

Episode 7:

16. “Hey Umut. Your sister is here.” - the teammate at it again. And he chuckles. He thinks he’s funny. Isi makes Umut listen to him. They talk about it beautifully, touching topics of what being ‘normal’ even means, pretending to be someone you’re not and losing yourself over it. It was way too short but heartfelt and very important.

17. “Just because you think I kiss men anyway. Or whatever you made up in your head.” - “no worries. I know now how you are. You made out with Lou.” - The talk from the garage never really got solved and it is kinda picked up here. Isi still is mad at Consti’s assumptions, rightfully tho. And Consti doesn’t even listen and continues to assume stuff about Isi without ever asking. Consti still mistakes gnc clothing, gender identity and sexual orientation. He doesn’t care. He is hurt and doesn’t try to understand, not even for his friend’s sake.

Episode 9:

18. Mr. Önder is harassing Isi and Umut by stopping them and telling Isi that he disapproves of who Isi is and how Isi presents. Again, nobody asked but this is sadly pretty accurate, nosy neighbours and all. I love (!) how Isi is very angry, at first, but then looks at Umut and sees that he is afraid. Isi changes her behaviour on the spot and exposes Mr. Önder’s double standards in a really mature way.

19. Umut and Isi talk about Zeki Müren and this may be the sweetest talk they have. Isi tells Umut about the singer and Umut compares Isi to him. It’s a beautiful end to their storyline where Umut just excepts Isi and encourages them.

20. HOLY RAINBOW NIGHT: the culmination of Isi’s journey (if you can call it that). We have Billie who is very good at creating a calming environment. Billie also shows Isi that it is okay to have no pronouns by simply showing the name tag.

21. Then we have David who introduces the idea behind the name tag: no awkwardness just enjoy the night without feeling wrong. And he, too, creates an atmosphere that feels save. At first Isi goes along like always and just bends herself for society norms. But then they look around and recognise a safe space. Unlike ep 5, where Lou came to the ‘rescue’, Isi now stands up for himself and chooses a name and pronouns that feel right. But this is all new and Isi is still unsure about it. Then David steps in: “just try it out.” Reassuring Isi again, that she is save here (that’s when I cried).

Episode 10:

22. At the Christmas dinner we have the family discuss Mr. Önder because he came around to complain. When Isi’s parents hear the whole story, they immediately start reassuring Isi about herself and telling her, that they are proud. Then Baba Inci plays best of Zeki Müren. And all of them dance and celebrate the music (and Isi).

23. Since body dysphoria is also part of Isi story, at least in some scenes, I wanna mention Isi and Sascha’s Christmas night clip. I think it’s refreshing that the one being a bit insecure seems to be Sascha, not Isi. Isi feels save and therefore is confident in the physical part which is heartwarming. They found someone who takes them as they are. Isi CAN just be who they are. Kinda leaving body dysphoria and struggling with their gender identity as problems for the outside world, while they create this permanent safe haven, which is really beautiful.

24. As they’re preparing for the their dance performance Isi tells his friends that they only want to use Isi as a name from now on. Isi still seems precarious and tries to give their friends (and themself) an out, if they don’t take it well. But both, Kieu My and Nora, make sure that Isi knows that it isn’t an effort for them and that they will adapt for Isi, no questions asked. With this, another safe space is created. This also spilled over to Insta where Isi and their close friends now have their pronouns in their bios. This should’ve been a Clip, tho.

25. The last clip is Isi just embracing herself and enjoying it. First Isi sits in front of her mirror again. While they struggle to use the right lipstick, in the end Isi is satisfied with how they look. Later at the dance performance she is confident and you don’t see any of the struggles she had at the beginning. The new year begins for Isi surrounded by friends, finally having the strength to embrace herself.

In conclusion:

The build-up in Isi’s journey isn’t always super clear and should’ve been a center piece of their story but it did linger there throughout the whole season. They could’ve (or should’ve!!!) done better. Still, some scenes/clips are amazing and have a special place in my heart. I’m proud of and happy for Isi, this fictional character, who struggled with their identity and got to a good place in the end. It’s what Isi deserves and what everyone else deserves, who’s struggling because society is harsh, if you don’t fit in.

no idc i feel like shit and i wanna talk abt my weird little fc5 oc. my blog i do what i want. rambles under the cut bc i dont wanna clog up ppl’s dash

anyways. first of all this is abt my weird little fc5 oc danny. he is/was part of the cult, long story short, joined up when he was like 14 because his parents joined and dragged him along.

im not talking abt THAT aspect of their story tho. i wanna talk abt gender LMAO. it’s MY oc and I get to choose how to project. anyways ! i think, first and foremost, for a LONG time (like, from a VERY early age, likely around,, 11-12??) danny thought he was mtf. they knew they didn’t feel exactly MALE, but even then, FEMALE didn’t sit quite right either. but, that’s all danny really knew about ! he was vaguely aware of what being trans was, and it was the only label he could think of that got close to how he felt. they did a lot of private experimenting with using a different name, she/her pronouns, and attempting to look as feminine as possible just to see how it’d make him feel.

truth is, while it did help out a bit, he only came to the conclusion that the label of a woman didn’t exactly sit right either. which was admittedly kind of a relief? danny grew up in a very white, republican area in georgia, and his parents fit right in with the rest of the community, to say the least ! they were assholes !! as i’m sure you can kind of guess by them joining a crazy murder cult and forcing their kid to join with them despite not wanting to. lol.

either way, danny was pretty relieved to come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to necessarily TRANSITION in any way, they still felt ... off??? if you’re trans you know what i mean. that just constant feeling of WRONG. especially once puberty hit !!! facial hair in particular gives him pretty horrible dysphoria, and they’ve always been glad that they can’t seem to really grow it out much past patchy stubble, given the ‘no shaving’ rule the cult seems to have.

danny identified as a cis male for years. he figured out that he was bi around 16, and figured that maybe THAT was what had been causing him so much discomfort. it wasn’t. obviously. he went through this same cycle for YEARS, even after he left eden’s gate, of “i’m a cis male” -> “i don’t feel male” -> “maybe i’m a woman” -> “i don’t feel like a woman” -> “i’m a cis male”, rinse and repeat.

(keep in mind i personally go w/ an ending where the collapse doesn’t happen because i do what i want and the ending is open ended anyways lmao. same basic thing happens in the situation where the collapse DOES happen tho, just takes a lil while longer to get there.)

finally, at around 22, danny learned about the term nonbinary, and it really was just like an instant click. they were talking to a friend who told him they were nonbinary, and he just felt like “oh, me too”, once they explained what it was. obviously, being nb is a whole complex experience, and there was still a LOT of treading water he had to do before fully figuring himself out.

but i literally refuse to give a nb character a shitty ending so as of now !! danny’s come to a very comfortable conclusion that they’re nonbinary, and use he/they pronouns. they’re okay with presenting primarily masculine and are quite frankly very proud of themself for finally figuring out their gender identity tbh. their shitty parents and relatives/”friends” are out of their life (completely cut out) so they don’t ever have to deal with any of THAT bullshit, luckily. :^)

I was tagged by @hackedbyawriter Thanks so much!! :D

Name: Ángel

Gender: Demiboy? I can't pin point it. Somewhere on the male half of the spectrum whether outside or in, it changes lol Let's just say trans man👌🏻

Star Sign: Libra

Height: 165 cm

Time: 4:31pm

Birthday: October 8th

Favorite Band: It changes all the time, right now The Longest Johns

Solo Artist: Also changes all the time, but Sam Smith.

Song stuck in my head: You Gotta Die Sometime from Falsettos cause I just posted fan art of it

Last movie: Supernova :')

Last show: That I've finished? Black Monday. But last thing I saw was an episode of Criminal Minds

When I created this blog: August 2013

What do I post: Literally anything I see and go "ha that's good" and I hit reblog. Also random rants and my thought while panicking lol And reblog my own art a lot too cause I crave validation.

The last thing I googled: "Pacha meme". The context is, I was drawing and my brother said the pose looked like that meme of Pacha from The Emperor's New Groove doing ✋🏻👌🏻 and I wanted to show my mom lol

Other blogs: Just my art blog @sentaart

Do I get asks?: Sometimes, I have some regular anons that used to come and chat. Hope they're doing ok :')

Why I chose my url: It originally thought of it cause the Profesor from La Casa de Papel is super ace and I love him, but I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to change it. But then a stupid acephobe was being a dick to me and I changed my url out of spite lol

Following: 723

Followers: 3.296 don't ask why cause idk lol

Average hours of sleep: 5-8? On weekends 8-10

Lucky Number: 10 idk if it's a lucky number but it is my favorite

Instruments: Piano, tho I don't play it.

What I’m wearing: some shorts my mom made and a blue oversized shirt cause dysphoria

Dream job: illustrator 🤞🏻

Dream trip: ANYWHERE!!! But mainly Germany to visit my boyf, and I would also love to go to England, Scotland, Wales, Italy, Greece, etc, etc

Favourite food: Ice cream

Nationality: Argentinian

Favourite song: I'm not good with favorites... First thing that came to mind was Swanee River by Hugh Laurie

Last book I read: J.C Leyendecker: American Imagist <3

Top 3 fictional universes I’d love to live in: None, I would die in all of them. But I guess Heroes, I'd love to have a cool superpower :D And unlike Hiro, Ando, Mohinder, Maya and Alejandro, I would just simply not go to the US and get myself involved in weird shit. I'd stay put where I am lol (tho Maya was living her best life making out with both Mohinder and Sylar so maybe I would lol)

I don't know who to tag, sorry. Whoever wants to do this pls go ahead, just say I tagged you ;)

-pt.3/? I took pride in my long hair because it’s always been very thick and easy to grow out. I bleached my hair two months ago and I already have an inch of roots back. Two years ago my hair was to my jaw but is now at my low to mid back. My hair has always been something people have complimented me for when I identified as my assigned gender. I don’t think I have the confidence in myself yet to let that go. So I’m wondering how you might have worked through that. Thank u for ur time reading

Pt 3/3 hey babe thanks for writing in!

Ok so I think I understand your question? You want to prseent more masc but have long hair atm, and feel that your long hair is holding you back from desired presentation, but also bc of socialization and hair being pretty and nice, its hard to let the long hair go?

Welp! i feel u! this was my experience: i grew up with short hair and then grew it out in high school and cut it off in university, when i first cut off my hair (tho i Identified as a girl at the time) it felt like a huge loss of my femininity (but it was hair was damaged AF cause i used to straighten it every day in high school :)))and i felt really not pretty and it kinda sucked after i chopped it! but after i got used to the “shock” of it (like after a couple days), and also after i dyed it (black, then green, then blue and back and forth between those colours since i was 18) i really liked it. So first, hair color change might help with self confidence? and like some days it still doesn’t feel pretty but i remind myself that my purpose is not to be pretty my purpose is just to exist and do what makes me happy so, whatever, hair. (that’s not to say you’re not entitled to feeling ur feelings about ur dysphoria or body or hair! ur feelings are valid, but maybe you can re frame your thoughts around them!)

also getting a hair cut u like and not giving a shit about what other people would think suits u, like? what have you always wanted but been too scared for? want baby bangs? or v shaped bangs? or a death hawk? or a poofy little mushroom cut? what color? like do your thing ! hair will grow back.

Anyway. i think one thing i would like to just mention gently is that you can have long hair and still be masc, like being gender fluid doesn’t have to mean you cut your hair off, by all means, do it if you like, but its by no means a requirement and you shouldn’t cut it off if you like it and want to keep it? but idk. some dudes have long hair, some ladies have long hair, some enbies have long hair, some dudes/ladies/enbies have no hair and that doesn’t invalidate them so why should it invalidate u? one way i help myself feel more masc is with makeup hehe, you can shade around your eyes and jaw and make a fake beard  (here’s some youtube tutorials) (x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw8M-wfHC9A (x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAfbBVqfbN4 (x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieSydLI3KTY, you can tuck your hair up into a beanie if you choose not to cut it :) or Why not do some kind of viking braids in your hair? that could make it more masc, and also i think when you braid your hair it gets shorter so? or maybe curl it? why not shave a side? or get an undercut?

if you do want to cut your hair off and it feels important to u, go for it! i 100000% support you. it might be scary but you will be really cute, and it can grow back! but if u cut it, why not buy a couple of cheap wigs for when you want long hair? (or one nice one?) i have a long pastel purple one that i got online for like 16$ and its cute and makes me feel fem on the days i want to!

Anyway when i figured out my gender ID (and yes i am non binary!) it mostly helped me let go of lots of things i felt ashamed of with my body! like, the fact i had short hair or body hair was like “yeah fukc this I’m not a girl so i don’t have to have long hair or shave, cause hair is this thing that grows our of your scalp and body hair is just little hair that grows out your body” and wearing makeup and skirts is like “yeah these are just colours and minerals im sticking on my face and fabric im putting on my body” like these things (hair, makeup, clothes etc) are so artificially gendered by societal norms and i was just eventually fed up with it and like  “fuck, hair or lack thereof doesn’t make someone the gender they are,” and just reminding oneself that regardless of body or hair you ARE the gender identity you feel because only you know it and its not a thing that’s gonna be visible necessarily, but u know it and it can fluctuate and u don’t have to prove it to anyone or “look” like it.

anyway, i am so happy and proud of you for experimenting with gender and where you fit! it can be so scary in our heteronormative world, but you living ur life and expressing urself is resistance so keep it up <3 be gentle with yourself, and whatever you do, its going to be really cute so just :) know that!

if im a transmed (im not fully but im closer 2 transmed than transcute) but agree with one of ur posts 100% can i rb or nah (asking so i wont make u uncomfy doing so!!)

short answer: no id just rather not have any transmeds on my posts. thx for asking first tho, some ppl arent as respectful

long answer:

i encourage you to look into the actual medical definition of dysphoria (because different types of dysphoria are still dysphoria; the definition doesnt change when you put "gender" in front of it) because it does include distress and impaired function, which is not required to be trans.

gender incongruence means having a disconnect between your actual gender and your assigned gender at birth. gender dysphoria is the distress and discomfort that can arise from this disconnect. most people agree on the fact a disconnect of some kind is needed, they just use different words. but dysphoria inherently means distress, so it's incorrect to say that gender dysphoria is what the disconnect is called.

basically: ive been where you were. literally, i was a transmed when i was 14. but i realized that policing and gatekeeping other trans people isnt ever helpful, and in fact just causes a divide in the whole community. if you truly do find yourself not agreeing fully with transmeds, ask yourself why you choose to keep the label of a group that causes so much harm to the trans community.

anti-transmeds (or "tucutes") dont believe that being trans is a choice, we simply acknowledge that every trans person's experience is different, and that no one, not even other trans people, have the right to dictate what makes or does not make someone else trans.

so if youve read all that and looked further into things for yourself, and you still think that you can tell if someones "actually" trans better than the person themself, then dont touch my posts. but maybe this helped you rethink things a bit, and if thats the case, then yeah, as long as youre respectful you can reblog whatever.

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

Are u a terf

Terf is a meaningless buzzword used to classify any other woman the dominant ideological narrative within feminism and lgbt activism decides has Wrong and Evil Opinions (regardless of said woman's attitude towards trans people, or if that said woman is a radical feminist at all, talk about lesbian sexual boundaries or conceive gender slightly differently and you're a terf and thus worse than a nazi)

So no, I don't call myself that word, I don't consider myself a radical feminist either (bc a) feminism should be something you do, and I'm no activist atm and b) some discrepancies with them in some points) but my beliefs do align with a feminism that believes in sex-based oppression, is highly critical of porn and prostitution, and is gender critical. To me, being gender critical doesn't mean I want trans people to die or to not exist but that I do question if there's a natural innate gender identity at all, and that I believe in gender as a social construction imposed on the sexes, basically gender = gender roles meant to keep women in "our places" and limit our potential (such as the idea that we must be mothers, that our sex appeal is all our worth, that we're less smart, less strong, that we are made to clean and keep house, that we come out of the womb liking make up and heels and basically all ideas that pose women not as fully intelligent complex and competent human beings who can be and are as varied and as capable in personality, potential and ability as men). I'm not against people with dysphoria transitioning or switching pronouns or anything that'd make them live their lives better. I do think tho that there's a narrative in the medical field that cares for trans people and as a result in the trans community (i don't blame trans people themselves for this because we live in a patriarchal society that pushes gender roles very hard) where signs of gender non-conformity are taken immediately to be a sign of being trans because women/men just can't act that way (a deeply misogynistic belief, because women are full people, we can act however we want, gender roles are social not natural. It is possible to be a woman who spends her life wearing what we call "men's clothes" with her hair short, never wearing any make up, doing manual labour and having no freaking idea how to cook, and none of that would disqualify her in the slightest from being "woman")

This is problematic because it leads people to believe more deeply in misogynistic beliefs (which for anyone who's born female really really messes your brain up) and may lead them to make medical decissions they regret in the future, especially when these people aren't dysphoric (or weren't until they started considering themselves to be trans). And it's also a way to naturalize gender roles by keeping what we consider "men traits" in one sphere and "women traits" in another when anyone can and does have traits from both sets because again, we're all complex human beings. I don't think this means trans people are Evil Agents Of The Patriarchy rather than that some trans people are victims of it and were misled by people pushing gender roles and heteronormativity on them. And it irks me that this doesn't seem to be questioned at all in the trans community even by the people in it who consider themselves feminists. Now, this doesn't mean I think transition is something that should never be done. Dysphoria exists, and whatever its causes, people have the right to bodily autonomy and to live comfortably in their bodies, maybe also more approaches to dealing with dysphoria should be explored, but transition does help some people and that is a good thing.

Other than that, the fact that in the trans community, they don't even believe that biological sex exists and is a factor in anything leads them to put "gender" above sex in every social analysis which makes you end up with people who were born male (amab) and thus receiving male socialization spreading the lie that people who were born female (afab) and socialized female and identify as men/transmasculine are Evil Male Oppressors who commit violence when within the community sex class dynamics don't disappear at all, but the predators use their oppression points to rid themselves of all the blame.

Finally, as a lesbian the idea the trans community pushes about how "genitals don't matter" and "sex-based attraction" and "same-sex attraction" aren't real has hurt me very deeply. And I consider these sentiments to be the same homophobic crap conservatives spit. Being attracted to the same sex is natural and good, and not being attracted to the opposite sex (regardless of how they identify re: gender) is not a moral failure on my or anyone's part. Telling people "if you wouldn't fuck a woman with a dick you're oppressing trans women" not only ignores the fact that it's the genitals part not the trans part I dislike (aka it's exactly how I feel towards cis men) but also that telling anyone that they're being violent to another party by not fucking them is incredibly manipulative, guilt-trippy, and yes, rapey. No one owes anybody sex under any circumstances.

Now, these are my beliefs towards the trans community, I disagree with things they believe for many reasons, but I don't hate trans people as a whole because of it. You can judge whether or not I'm a terf or whatever now I guess.

yes please do a hc list about peter coming out as trans

LONG POST WHOOPS LMAO

NED, MAY, BEN-Peter always gravitated toward boyish clothes and kept his hair as short as possible-he was never really adverse to ‘girly’ things and actually enjoyed playing with dolls and things like that-but the older he got the less he connected with girls his age-he really didn’t connect with anyone because they just didn’t get him-but then he met Ned in 7th grade-and he and Ned would sometimes just talk about random things while they built lego sets or while they were waiting for a movie to load-and Ned’s just like “I think I’m gay”-and Peter almost chokes on his take out because it was such a random thing but he’s kinda like “cool dude”-and later Peter’s like “so, anyone catching your eye?” and Ned did not sign up for this-Ned tells Peter about his crush on whatever boy they have gym with-but peters thinking about what Ned said -he knew gay people existed he just never thought it was relevant to him-so he looks some stuff up the next day and he reads about “bisexual” and “pansexual”-he’s not too focused on all that though because he saw “trans*” and that’s what really caught his eye-and a few months later he tells Ned that he might be trans and Ned’s just-such a good bro?-he talks to him about names and pronouns and all of Ned’s texts are like “that’s great!!” And “I’m happy for you!!” And really nice-and Ned asks if he’s told May and Ben-but Peter waits another month even though he asks for a new, much shorter haircut and some new clothes-(that he loves)-when he tells May and Ben they’re both really chill and kinda like “I knew”-and Peter’s like ??? How could you know??-but they raised this boy they both had an inkling and wanted to make sure he knew they loved him no matter what-Peter may or may not cry-like a lot because he’s so relieved-they ask if he’s going to change his name and when he tells them he’s picked Peter they think it’s great -and maybe Ben starts crying a little when Peter says his middle name is “Benjamin”—–TONY-when tony was checking peters files and records he notices the name changes from “Karen” to “Peter”-at first it seems like a mistake but a little further digging tells him there was a birth certificate change -pretty recently in fact-and Tony’s honestly pretty surprised there’s another trans superhero and immediately feels drawn to this kid-well “superhero” being used lightly since he seems to be taking down muggers and drug dealers-tony doesn’t approach the subject with Peter but he does build a binder into peters suit-one he engineered to allow the ribs to expand and lungs to reach full capacity while it is worn-he also starts putting together an account to pay for testosterone and surgery if Peter ever wants it after he comes out to tony-a few months after the whole airport fight Peter gets pretty badly injured-like 'stabbed in the side’ injured-and the suit alerts tony and when tony goes to pick him up Peter’s like “lmao no I’m good”-because he would have to take off the suit and he doesn’t have his binder with him just a sports bra and he wouldn’t want tony to see him in his binder anyway-but tony makes him come with him and he lets Peter change in the bathroom -Peter has to take off his shirt so that the surgeon can treat his wound and peters really afraid of what mr. Stark will say when he sees that Peter’s wearing a sports bra but tony just hisses at the stab wound-because it’s pretty deep and gross-and painful looking-and Peter feels another weight lifted off his shoulder-because it’s one less person who might judge him or underestimate him or misgender him—CLINT, SAM, STEVE, AND BUCKY-so Clint Sam and Bucky all got involved in a prank war-Steve was briefly involved but ducked out when someone welded his shield to bucky’s arm-that “someone” turned out to be peter -thus Peter got involved in the prank war-so like peter was staying at the compound for a few weeks while some bad dudes where being watched-and while peters showering Clint and Sam decide to take all the clothes out of Peter’s room-and they go into his drawer and they see these weird like,, tank top things-and crop top things? They almost seem like undershirts but the material is stiff-they’re confused but they don’t really think much of it-so they take baskets of peter’s clothes down to the communal area and into the kitchen-they set them down on some of the chairs and sit down to have breakfast-and Peter’s really thankful he brought his binder and a pair of boxers into the bathroom with him-he asks Friday if Tony’s awake but he literally just fell asleep so Peter’s not waking him up for this-he asks Friday to tell whichever fucker took his clothes that he’s going to web them to the ceiling if they don’t bring them up to his room-Friday responds with the very eloquent message “eat my entire ass, parker”-so Peter knows Clint is involved-and also that he’s not getting his clothes back unless he goes down to get them-so he decides “fuck it”-he also may be shaking the entire time and Friday asks if tony should be notified of a problem-but Peter just fuckin goes for it -he may not make eye contact with anyone once he’s in the kitchen and he can hear Clint and Sam snickering-but he also feels Steve and Bucky’s eyes on him-and then clint asks what he’s wearing and sam’s like “why do you have so many of those shirt things?”-and Peter’s just like “tony insisted I have one in each color”-and steve’s like “one what?”-so Peter tells them it’s a binder and that he’s scheduled for top surgery in a few months but for now he uses chest binders-and he just kinda grabs his clothes and goes to the elevator really fast because he’s definitely shaking really hard now because he didn’t want them to know yet-especially Bucky and Steve bc they’re old and he doesn’t really know how they’ll react-(he doesn’t have to worry tho, it’s not even a month later that Steve and Bucky are loudly outraged by the trans bathroom bill)-Peter doesn’t come out of his room the rest of the day and goes on patrol at night-the next day he goes down to breakfast -Clint comes in and just says “dude quit finishing the goddamn cereal”-and sam starts being dramatic like “come ON, man, you ALWAYS-”-and Peter’s just really glad to have such amazing teammates (read: friends)—BRUCE, NATASHA, THOR-so Peter never actually came out to Bruce-Bruce has had to treat Peter on multiple occasions for injuries and has actually run a few tests to see how testosterone was interacting with peters DNA-spoiler: he actually engineered a strain of testosterone that Peter now takes because it reacts better to him-he also does Peter’s t shots every once in a while because needles scare Peter a little-one time Thor walked in on Bruce injecting Peter-and Thor is like “why are you stabbing the spider child”-and Bruce tells him it’s medicine for Peter-and Thor gets concerned Bc like-peters sick?? And nobody told him?-and Peter explains that he’s trans-and Thor explains that asguard is much less structured in terms of gender and sexuality-and that Loki is genderfluid-and peter honestly loves Thor like holy shit what a chill dude-and Natasha knew after a few interactions with him -because she’s incredibly observant-Peter knew that she knew -she obviously did even though she never brought it up-Peter doesn’t know that she secretly keeps tabs on how long he binds and if he takes breaks-and she definitely doesn’t like what why would you suggest that-she never does that-ever—WANDA, VISION-so because Wanda is a telepath and Vision is an android they both knew something was up w Peter-Wanda and vision do research together and get Educated™-sometimes wanda helps people when they have nightmares-and she hears Peter having one -and she wakes him up and asks if she can give him better thoughts for when he goes back to sleep-so she ends up poking around in his mind to find the memory that caused the nightmare-she finds a memory of being trapped under a collapsed building -which is disturbing enough but she also finds the feelings of dysphoria, fear, self loathing, and more-because Peter still does have really bad days sometimes-and it’s all pretty intense so she gives him really good thoughts -and a long tight hug-like super long-peter doesn’t mind at all-he really loves his efficient team/dysfunctional family

Genuine question, if being trans isn't seen as a medical condition isn't that a bad thing? Insurance wouldn't cover life saving surgeries/hormones, so isn't that detrimental and against the trans communities interests?

“fair” point in theory, but you’re not seeing the matter from the right angle, because you got a transantagonistic and cissexist bias.

being trans isn’t a medical condition and it does not inherently implies medical care. 

transitioning does. like, yeah, hrt, surgeries, stuff that some trans people need so their dysphoria stop beating them in a metaphorical bloody pulp, because they need their body changed so they stop feeling so suicidal. insurance should cover that, because yeah, their mental health and life depend on it.

and no, the “trans” isn’t short for “transitionning”. it’s short for “transgender”, that was thought to contrast with “cisgender”, and “trans” has the sense of “crossing to the other/another side here, while “cis” means staying on the same side one starts on, more or less. that’s ancient greek, i think. so being trans isn’t defined by transitionning. transitionning is a choice, and sometimes it’s not, because sometimes it’s the only solution to not break because of dysphoria.

because of course, dysphoria is also its own medical thing, it’s a mental disorder, that can cause depression, self harm, self hatred, and suicidal urges.

but not every trans person has deadass terrible dysphoria that we can’t deal with without changing our bodies at a high price. some have mild dysphoria, that they can deal with haircuts, different clothes, and shaping their bodies in one they like themselves as and all. sometimes it’s bargaining because they can’t afford surgery, but sometimes, they just don’t feel like they need surgery. and yeah im mainly talking about nb trans ppl, altho there gotta be binary trans ppl who are like that too. i just know that it’s smtg we nb ppl often feel like. 

nonbinary ppl show that (hence why transmedicalists aka truscums hate us, tho idk why they care so much about pathologizing us and themselves). we don’t always hate our body. there are trans ppl, nb or not, that don’t suffer dysphoria, because dysphoria isn’t smtg you’re born with, it’s a disorder that’s caused by a bad environment that triggers it. 

extreme example, imagine a trans boy who’s forced at age 0 into pink dresses, pink shoes, pink hats, drinks from pink cups, in a pink chair, sleeps in a pink bed, in a pink room. and he’s said “you’re a girl girly girl” all the time, goes to dancing class because “that’s what girls do”, is put on make up cuz “that’s what girls like” and can’t put on pants cuz “that’s not a girl thing”. forced in a cissexist bs mold. a nightmare. it’s not that that makes him a boy, he was a boy at age 0, regardless or circumstances; but he grew in an environment he could not be comfortable exploring his identity and questioning his assigned gender. and that’s going to worsen his already possible dysphoria. 

but being trans isn’t what’s going to make him break down and slap his abusive mother with that fucking pink violin, and run away to live with his bf in the next state raising cats, no, that’s his anger caused by the hurt of his many mental illnesses, dysphoria being one of them.

being trans doesn’t cause pain. it’s dysphoria’s fault. and not every trans person has dysphoria, and sometimes nb ppl have dysphoria, and sometimes not and they’re still trans, and some trans ppl’s dysphoria goes away at some point. but being trans doesn’t.

and take me for example. i have dysphoria. had it since i was 10. im a demigirl. that’s a nb(trans) woman identity. but i don’t wanna change my body with surgery. i don’t want to take away parts of myself, because i got enough of that, and i want to love my body. so instead i wanna add stuff, like letting my body hair do its thing, and not wearing bras and getting muscles, and asking ppl to use they/them for me, and not try and push me into being whatever tf they think a cis girl does. and that, plus mental work on my image, helped me tone down my dysphoria. maybe i’ll see if i can get hormones, if it doesn’t turn out i already have pocs. i was sick because of my dysphoria. not because im trans.

there’s a lot of cases like this that are weird and hard to understand, maybe, but they all point to one thing: the problem is dysphoria and other mental illnesses caused by being misgendered and abused.

i wanna be trans. i like that. it’s good, it’s me, it helps me, the community is mostly nice, im at peace with that label, and i don’t want to have it taken off. because that’s what it’d mean, to see transidentity as a medical condition. it’s be an illness. something to correct, to fight, to destroy. i don’t want to fight myself. neither does the majority of trans ppl.

so no, not pathologizing transidentity isn’t anywhere near detrimental to the trans community. because we still have valid problems that deserve specific attention, we still have dysphoria, we still want to transition, and we deserve the health care that we need to cope with cissexist abuse. the problem isn’t being trans. it’s the environment, the ppl, the society we live in. and doctors already know that. they don’t allow you to get hrt on insurance because you’re trans. they do because they dx you have dysphoria. that’s literally how they decide if we deserve to get the treatment we know we need. sometimes they won’t even dx ppl with dysphoria that they have dysphoria, because they’re “too mentally ill for that”, or “too sane to be trans”. and hormones don’t even cost as much as we gotta pay them. the prices are artificially inflated, like most medicines, because a compagny own them.

trans ppl don’t need to be pathologized to get the issues linked to our marginalized identity acknowledged. insurance would/should cover surgery and hrt regardless of what ppl think being trans is. because when we say we got a fucking problem or need things, we should be listened.

we would be, if our society cared. we wouldn’t be pathologized if our governments weren’t cissexist trans-hating little shits.

another example, a comparison this time. being afab isn’t an illness. but we still need medical attention, like detecting breast and uterus cancers, or other gyneacological treatment that can be a matter of life and death. and to that, you add the mental baggage caused by being in a mysoginistic cissexist patriarchy. sounds like worth being covered by insurance, uh? well not to many pseudo-civilized countries, but to the happiest on earth, it does, and it works. and yet being afab, especially a cis woman, isn’t an illness, or a curse.

because yeah, we also used to think that women were inherently sick and taht they needed men’s guidance and validation to be allowed to live, it’s just the same fucking mentality, but applied to trans ppl, with cis ppl. 

we’re not the correct gender, we don’t even perform it correctly, so we’re not worth being cared and listened to.

that’s victim blaming. that’s putting ppl under oppression, making them grow in a toxic environment they can’t escape from because it’s their very identity that’s thought to be inherently hostile, and we tell them it’s their fault. that they’re sick and that’s it.

considering being trans a medical condition is fucking murder. you’re placing the power in cis ppl’s hands doing that, because that means we’re to be corrected, and only them can do that. it also gatekeeps from getting treatment. it also misplaces the blame on our identity when it should be on our oppression.

being transmedicalist is allyship to the cistem. that’s believing the lie they made up to say we only deserve care if we accept that we’re sick, and to be ashamed.

im repeating myself, but insurance should cover our treatments for our dysphoria, and let us do what we wish of our bodies and identity as we endanger no one. nobody is allowed to call us ill for what we are while ignoring what we suffer of. we should get at least partially insurance covered surgery and hrt and completely insurance covered when we have dysphoria. it’s possible. spain does it, in good enough conditions. yeah, spain, the catholic country that was still a royalist dictatorship fourty years ago. and france too, can do the insurance coverage, even if it’s harder because you need psychiatric approval first, which is bs and intrusive. 

we aren’t sick for being trans, we deserve to be listened on our terms, that’s not a fleeting dream, and that’s not up to debate. 

and we’re going to change shit so we can get that.

Hi, I read through ur FAQ and didn't see anything about this but sorry if it's been answered before. I'm a cis lesbian and I dress really butch but I have long hair and I literally only keep it to avoid bathroom confrontation. I'm very anxious about that, esp these days. I used to have short hair and dress more feminine and STILL got called out in bathrooms. Now that I dress more masculine I know that cutting my hair would create scary bathroom situations but my long hair makes me dysphoric (1/2

2/2 do you have any advice on how to navigate that? I don't care about casual conversation being called "sir" or anything but I really just don't feel safe in bathrooms especially after already experiencing that when I first cut my hair. I also don't want to use the men's restroom bc I'm not a man and don't feel safe there either. There aren't enough gender neutral bathrooms on my campus or just in general public either so I'm just very stuck. Dysphoria is getting more intense tho so ???? Thanks

Hi anon

First of all butches can absolutely have long hair if they want to. I know this feeling all to well tho, my advice would be to go with a friend whenever possible and use gender neutral bathrooms too again whenever possible. I find that going with a friend makes me feel safer just knowing someone has my back if stuff happens. Your safety should always come first, so if you are feeling like it would be dangerous to get your haircut I would recommend you don’t. Maybe tie your hair back enough that you don’t notice is as much to sort of give the illusion of it being short just for your own peace of mind? 

I want to tell you to get your haircut cause it would probably help with your dysphoria, but I’m also just super worried for you and don’t want you to get hurt. Maybe try cutting it just a little shorter? Not like a lot, but a little bit again to give you some peace of mind?

I hope this helps, sorry it took so long.

- Mod J

I was "misgendered" at work

And I didn't bite the lady's head off like a raging grizzly bear on roids.

I was outside doing storefront customer service. It was a nice day and hardly anyone was showing up so I was facing the building. A lady sees me, from the side and back, and calls out, "sir, sir excuse me?" I let her say it a few more times to see if she would catch on that I don't answer to sir, but after a while I accepted it and turned around politely, and asked how could I help?

By now maybe she saw my earrings, but that's just a fashion choice. Why wouldn't a skinny teenage boy not experiment with earrings in 2018? Well, I helped the lady as was my job to do so, and the day went by as normal.

Now, this can bother anyone. I've accidentally said sir or ma'am to people wrongfully by mistake off of hairstyle of body type, because guess what, our brains are trained to read immediate clues so that we can interact with each other in real time. Honest mistakes happen.

Let me describe my appearance I am clearly a female, but I have the lithe yet agile body of a teenage boy, or really young teenage girl. Skinny, medium height, with a young androgynous face (strangers often mis-age me as well. I get coded as sometimes a decade younger than I am), short curly hair and long limbs. Add to that I am ethnic, with a combo of facial features that are not very common.

People who come from out of state or country have asked me many things. Am I a model? (I'm short tho sooooo) And excuse me sir? (Am I that young looking? Tf?) And when I'm dressed very feminine which is my usual, I don't get mistaken for a boy. So a lot of it has to do with clothing and body language too. I remember toying with this when I was a preteen. Sometimes I dressed like a boy to avoid being bullied, because my usual style (I was really into harajuku/kawaii/sanrio & tamagotchis back then) was considered "babyish".

Now, the point I'm trying to make is that as a culture we put so much into gender, that we constrict the way children express themselves and come into their own. Combine this with identity politics, a polarized political climate and a huge generation of lost souls well, this is why we see so many non-dysphoric youth rebranding their self expression and personality type as a gender. So much importance is placed on gender that it is becoming more confusing by the day.

We should leave the complex gender stuff to those it affects the most, which are people with dysphoria. We should be putting our resources in this area towards them and not indulging people like Tiffany Moore who go into rages and accuse people of something as serious as bigotry over honest mistakes, while they go around displaying clear sex-differenciated behavior characteristics that make it all too easy to misgender them. People usually are more sensitive to those who try, because they can see the source of their effort, a genuine desire to be read as their chosen gender identity.

Some may say I'm lucky to be able to switch around my looks so easily, and may call that a privilege. I accept this responsibility. And I enjoy adding to the happiness others feel when I use their desired pronouns because I understand how that feeling can be so invigorating and satisfying. And I genuinely see people as the opposite gender if they present themselves that way and wish to be addressed as such. Their sex won't even cross my mind. Back in the day, LGBT folks used he and she interchangeably and people didn't even blink an eye.

But if we force society to grovel and tiptoe just to exist, some of the worst forms of bigotry are going to fester and eventually explode. Bigotry is wrong, misgendering is rude and ridicule is bad behavior, but so is witch-hunting, blacklisting and shunning people for making genuine mistakes and/or disagreeing.

I was called a racial epithet on my way to school once by a crazy drug addict on the corner. Well guess what. That lunatic has a right to be racist of he wants as long as it doesn't influence my chances of finding work, riding a train or buying groceries. So I don't give a dead rat and a roach wing.

We need to be level headed as people, as members of society. We need to be more gentle, more kind and more understanding. Rage begets rage.

Resistance is action, self preservation, and doing for self. The Black Panthers didn't beg the KKK to make it's free breakfast program. They did it on their own and did not whine and complain. They accomplished more for their own in such a short time than in the decades that are idling by after the CIA dismantled them. Feminists worked hard for womens rights not by begging but by creating and executing laws and changes specific to their cause. Same with LGBT etc.

But I find it very odd that today, a lot of young people who are part of marginalized communities are more concerned about forcing others to agree with them than they are about creating safe spaces and group specific changes.

Something went wrong.

This might be too personal to answer publicly so please don't feel pressured to answer it! I was wondering since when you felt like you had the "wrong gender". This is probably the wrong way to call it that, but I don't know a better term for it :/. And also, how did you know that this you wasn't your real you? I was curious since I've never been in this kind of situation before but I want to understand it better. And also please don't let your teachers get you down. :)

Thank you for asking! This is gonna be a long one.Also keep in mind that these are my experiences, different trans people have different experiences :)It's hard to pinpoint the moment I first something was off. 2014 was the first time I learned about trans men - i don't remember how I got to that point honestly. But it was then, that I learned that transitioning from female to male was a thing. At first it was only being interested in the topic and watching ftm (female to male) youtubers, until I started drawing parallels going "oh hey, I feel that way, too!"So I'd say 2014 was the first time I actively connected the discomfort with the gender role I've been given with the possibility of being trans. Looking back, tho, some things I did as a kid and ways I acted make more sense, now that I know I am trans.From 2014 to 2015 I experimented with clothes and short hair (and a different name, too, but the name I chose at that time never quite fit). Early 2016 was when I started to surpress it, as a way of trying out to be female again. You know, long hair and clothes and stuff. Never really felt like me, tho, and looking back at pictures is weird now, cause it feels as if I am looking at a completely different person. The dysphoria ("the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex") came and went and it took me a long time to admit to myself that "maybe this isn't going away and you oughta look into it". It didn't help that, at that time, I had a partner who voiced her disgust with male characteristics or anatomy in general, because then I tried to fit into what was expected of me and that only made the dysphoria worse.Skip forward to late 2018: I cut my hair again and from that point on I was straight back into 2014. Wearing the clothing I liked, becoming more confident and recognizing myself in the mirror again. This last sounds like a clicheé but for me it's true. Since October 2018 I am using my new name, one that finally feels right now. I started therapy to help me deal with gender dysphoria and figuring out if I want to go on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) at some point. I was unsure whether I wanted to, but as the sessions have gone by and I feel more and more comfortable I decided that this is the path I want to take and what's right for me.As to how I knew, that this wasn't the real me?It's hard to explain, cause it was a process of figuring out and it's probably the same if I would ask a cis person (someone who identifies with the gender they've been assigned at birth) how they knew, that they were in the "right body".Hope this answers your question and thank you for asking!