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cuttergauthier · 7 months

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New Leaf | One

Au Summary: In which a hockey sister falls for her enemy who also happens to be her brother's new teammate. Yn Matthews and Matthew Knies never got along, what happens when Matthew becomes a Maple Leaf.

Matthew Knies x Matthews au

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN

Social Media | Real Life

National Hockey League | Toronto Maple Leaf

Word Count: 1.3k

Au's Masterlist

Warning: This Story will contain Mature Language, Alcohol consumption, Against, fluff, Time jumps

I’ve been living in Toronto for the past two years. I’m a sophomore at the University of Toronto.

My older brother Auston plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs. When he first moved to Toronto, I missed him a lot so I decided to apply to Toronto. When I got excepted Auston was excited to be close to me again. Even though he’s 5 years older than me I’ve always been closer to him.

My first year here I lived in a dorm room, this year I wanted to live on my own so my brother helped me find an apartment where I could afford on my own even though he argued about it, I never want to have to depend on my brother for his money, even though he keeps saying he doesn’t care, but when I told him I wanted to pay for my own place he agree after about a month as long the apartment was in a safe neighbourhood.

This morning my brother called me after I got out of class to ask if I wanted to go watch their practice. I had nothing to do so I said yes.

The guys have been like my brothers since the moment I met them all, they always have my back. Auston said that Steph was going to be there, she’s Mitch’s Fiancé, she is the wag who I’ve always been the closest with since the day I met her, she became like an older sister to me. I tell her everything, if I ever need advice, she’s the one I talk to.

I took an uber to the arena since Steph and I always go out for coffee after we do this. I finally arrived at the arena and made my way to the stands to meet Steph.

When she saw me she smiled, she pulled me in a hug.

“It’s so good to see you, I miss you” she said, I chuckled.

“You literally saw me two days ago” I said

“I know but I still missed you”

“I missed you to”

We sat down and started talking, the guys aren’t on the ice yet.

“You’re going to see the new rookie today,” she said smiling.

“New rookie?” I asked confused

“Yeah, his college season just ended so the leafs signed him”

“Oh nice”

“According to Mitch, he’s really good and he’s your age,” she said, smirking.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“well you are single”

“Oh shut up” I said laughing.

“He’s number 23” she said as the boys started to get on the ice.

I looked up and saw who she was talking about, he looks familiar.

“What’s his name?”

“Um I think Mitch said Matt Knies” she said

I whipped my head around and looked at her with wide eyes.

“WHAT!?” I whispered.

Her eyes widened.

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I know him, why did the leafs have to sign him?” I sighed.

“What’s wrong with him? according to Mitch he’s really good.”

“I know he is… he’s from Arizona, we have the same friends back home, we went to the same high school but we never got along.”

“Omg really? Does your brother know about this?” she asked

“He might I don’t know, I never mentioned him before, really i’m closer with the doan’s and knies’ brother Phil”

“Well maybe it’s a sign for you guys to finally get along since you’re both in the same city again” she said smiling.

“I hope because if not, being in Toronto is going to feel like hell”

“It will be fine, don’t worry, and I’m sure if he says or does something, your brother and the guys will have your back” she said smiling. I gave her a soft smile.

We continued watching practice, once it was over the guys started making there way off the ice, Mich, Auston and matthew are standing by the bench talking. Mitch turned our way and waved happily, he might be 26 but he acts like a kid sometimes. Steph and I waved back chuckling. Both Auston and Matthew looked our way, Matthew looked straight at me shocked, his jaw dropped. He regained his composure before my brother or Mitch noticed.

Once they got off the ice, Steph looked at me smirking.

“What?”

“He definitely noticed you” she said, chuckling.

“Shut up” I scoffed.

We made our way out of the arena and to Steph’s car. Steph started Driver to (Your Favorite coffee place). Once we got there we both ordered our coffees and sat down at a table closest to the window.

Steph looked at me and smiled.

“What now?” i asked chuckling.

“What is it between you and Matthew that you don’t get along?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. We’ve been going to the same school since we were kids, we both had the same friends like I said, I was close with Gracie Doan while her brother was close with Matthew, as we grew up, we all became like a group all of us along with Matthew’s older brother. He’s just been a jerk to me since middle school, it never changed” I told her honestly.

“Have you ever thought that maybe he has a crush on you? I mean that’s usually what kids do when they have a crush” she said.

I scoffed.

“There’s no way Matthew ever had a crush on me.”

“You never know Yn, what about you, have you ever had a crush on him?” she asked curiously. I laughed.

“Obviously, i’m not blind, he's good looking steph” i said smiling, too bad he’s a jerk when it comes to me. Steph smiled before taking a drink of her coffee.

“Well, let’s hope something good comes from him being in toronto and being your brother’s teammate.” she said

“Same but i doubt it’ll end with us getting together steph”

“Never say never Yn” she said smirking. I shock my head in disbelief.

“Yeah, yeah whatever” i said and she laughed.

“Moving on, how are your classes? Are you almost done?” she asked

“Yeah, i only have one exam left then year 2 will be over” i said smiling.

“I’m glad”

Steph dropped me off at my apartment. It’s now noon, I took my school stuff out of my bag so I could study a little for my exam.

I studied for about an hour before taking a break. I went on my phone and texted Phil, Matthew’s brother, he’s one of my closest friends.

Yn: Why couldn’t you have warned me that your brother signed?!?!

Phil: Thought it would be a good surprise 🤪

Yn: I hate you so much right now!

Phil: No you don’t!

Phil: Did you see him?

Yn: Yes! I went to watch practice earlier with Steph, she’s the one who told me, then I saw him!

Phil: Sorry Yn :/ Did he see you?

Yn: Yes and he was shocked!

Phil: You two are going to have to get a long sometime!

Yn: You know damn well that won’t happen anytime soon!

Phil: Let me dream!

Yn: 😂

Phil: I’ll see you in a few days, we're coming down to Toronto For his NHL debut! (Pretend His debut was in Toronto)

Yn: At least i get to see you and your parents!

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pixiesfz · 6 months

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Lucy Bronze x reader

plot: you and your best friend go to the Lioness vs Matilda's game and are taken back when a player from England walks up to you at the end of the game.

warnings: a confident lucy and drunk friend

You and your best friend of two years would always try and watch any game where your countries battled each other, from cricket all the way to hockey. You loved it and when you could you would find cheap tickets and drink till your head spun and you called a single kick a goal very loudly.

But here you were in your yellow and green Matilda's top you bought from the market years ago that was filled with signatures from past players, an overpriced beer in your hand, and your best friend in light blue blabbering on about your 'restricted view' tickets and how they were actually really good.

"y/n you don't get it I can literally touch Alessia Russo" your best friend bagged on "oh yeah" you challenged "Me and Mackenzie Arnold are going to be best mates after the game" your Aussie accent shining through since it was your second beer and the teams were still doing some light training before the match started.

You felt someone staring at you as you quickly turned around back to the ground to see all the teams kicking around until you made eye contact with one of the players from the England team.

It made sense you thought, your friend had bought tickets with a bunch of other England players so you stuck out like a sore thumb, the player laughed to herself with a smirk that made your eyes widen a little as it was so simple but was very attractive.

"Soccer games are my favorite" you reminded your best friend "Yeah because soccer women players are your perfect type, cocky, sporty, and most of the time, also into women" your friend mocked you and you rolled your eyes "Sure, sure, I'm only familiar with Matilda's, I don't fraternize with the enemy"

You and your friend laughed again before the players started to get into positions, the same player you made eye contact with, starting in front of you as a defender, she looked over to your crowd again and the area cheered very loudly, making you laugh

"she must be popular," you remarked and your friend blankly stared at you "That's Lucy fucking Bronze y/n!"

The game continued on as England scored 1 up and your best friend stuck her tongue out at you as you flipped her off, as you watched the game unfold your best friend scoffed "I have never seen Lucia Bronze look at the crowd so much"

"We said the same thing about Gorry last time and figured out it was because her missus was in the crowd" you gasped before you both turned around to look at the crowd.

"She's hot," you remarked about the player "so her girlfriends gotta be special" your best friend agreed as you scanned the crowd but found no luck as most of your area were filmed with men or mums and daughters and sons.

The first half ended with England leading and you were getting very close to slapping your best friend for her comments.

Nothing improved in the second half, Australia had scored giving you hope but England secured the win in the last 10 minutes with another goal, your ears almost blasting from the cheers around you. When the game finished you didn't leave as quick as you wanted to because your friend wanted her new top to be signed before quickly a figure ran over to you too.

"you look like you're going for the wrong team" a thick English accent popped up, you turned your body to meet the eyes of the defender who kept on looking at the stands but now that she was closer your breath hitched.

maybe you should go for other teams as well as Matilda's.

You didn't reply straight away giving your now-drunk best friend an opportunity to jump in as Lucy signed her top.

"Tell me about it, no matter how many sports her support for her country is thick and through" you furrowed your eye brows at your friends statement and the defender laughed "I guess your gonna have to support a new team from here on" she smirked

and then your jaw almost dropped to the floor.

The defender took off her jersey with one arm revealing a six-pack of abbs that your friend nudged your shoulder about very hardly as she wrote something on the back of it and passed it to you.

"See you at other games yeah?" she asked and left without waiting for an answer.

With your jaw dropped you turned the top around.

'call me 04XX XXX XXX'

"fuck me"

#lucy bronze #england lionesses #matildas x reader #matildas #yn #leah williamson #katie mccabe #sam kerr #alanna kennedy #woso #sports #woso x reader #woso community #woso soccer #worldcup2023

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redbirdandbluebird23 · 20 days

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Concept: Established relationship jaydick faking a "fake relationship" because they are not yet ready to disclose their real relationship to the rest of the batfam. So when Tim, Damain, Bruce, Steph, Cass,Duke, catch them out on a date, playing tonsil hockey on the rooftop, grinding on each other at the club, etc, they're all "obviously, we're only doing this for the mission, dummy. He's so not my type." And the other batfam members being various degrees of convinced about the "fakeness."

Honestly, I think it would be a hell of a lot funnier if they were caught in a compromising position by Bruce, who being the emotionally dense human being he is, just goes, huh, they must be working an undercover case.

Jason and Dick, being the gremlins they are, just decide to run with it and see how long they can fuck with Bruce before he has to admit its not for a case.

Cass and Alfred obviously already know about their relationship, but they're also down for messing with Bruce whenever the opportunity arises. But the rest of the family are completely oblivious. So, the announcement that Dick and Jason are fake dating for a case meets mixed reactions.

Babs and Steph are definitely suspicious, they can both see the little things Dick and Jason do for each other that are just a little too real to just be them faking. Eventually they can't take it anymore, and one, or both, of them outright ask if they're really faking. Jason would be shy admitting it, but Dick would be all beaming smiles and showing Jason off, but they were never planning to hide it indefinitely, so they have no issues coming clean when asked.

Tim and Damian are a bit like Bruce in the way that they don't even want to consider the alternative. But eventually Tim, much like Babs and Steph, sees something he can't ignore. It's probably not explicit either, just Dick and Jason trying to have a movie night in one of their apartments, wrapped up in each other on the sofa. They look so soft and domestic that a switch flips in Tim's brain and he's like, oh shit, this is serious. He definitely doesn't leave them to it though, he essentially crashes through the window and starts up a whole interrogation while Dick tries to stop Jason from just picking him up and throwing him back out of the window.

Damian though, Damian will willingly ignore all the signs that are right in front of him, just like his father, because it just doesn't compute in either of their brains that Dick and Jason could be together like that.

But then something drastic happens, maybe Jason gets badly injured on patrol and Dick comes into the cave begging and screaming because he can't lose him.

He ends up standing vigil at Jason's bedside, whispering into Jason's hair about how much he loves him, and please wake up, little wing.

Bruce is watching, because of course he won't leave the medbay, not when it's Jason injured, and he's suddenly forced to accept that it was never fake, that this is real and it terrifies him. Because if they lose Jason again, he knows Dick won't come back from it if he's emotionally involved, and if something happens to Dick, they'll lose Jason for good because Dick is the main thread keeping Jason in the family.

Bruce obviously doesn't say any of this, he just gives his support in the most monotone voice once Jason wakes up, and then goes to update his contingency files because he knows has a whole other angle to consider.

(Damian, however, initially can't decide which one of them he wants to stab because they both played a hand in raising him and he doesn't trust either of them with each other. It takes lots of bribes of homemade food and antique weapons to win him over onto their side)

#jaydick #jason todd #dick grayson #dickjay #dick grayson/jason todd #headcanon #answered ask

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hils79 · 9 months

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Hils Watches The King's Avatar - Ep 35

I have the day off today so I'll probably have time for a couple more episodes than I usually watch. While it's tempting to cram in all 6 and finish it I probably won't do that but we'll see how it goes.

I am having a lot of feelings about these literal children having to raise themselves. I know shit like this happens a lot in the sports and idol industries and it makes me so sad. I know Ye Xiu got kicked out but where are Mucheng and Muqiu's family?

Also, yesterday @hphaeton pointed out that the voice actor dubbing Ye Xiu is the same person who dubbed Cheng Yi in Love and Redemption. It's so obvious now I know. I can't believe I didn't spot it before. He has a very nice voice.

Oh no he's crying again

Poor Mucheng this must be so hard for her too. It's like losing her brother all over again.

Oh no they're all blaming each other for the loss and it's making Ye Xiu Even Sadder. But, look, isn't this the first time they've actually lost a pro game? No team can win all the time this is something they're going to need to get used to. I'm sure Ye Xiu will teach them that.

Oh do NOT start lashing out at my son who is trying to keep the peace

Everyone is so upset. Also, that is a very Western breakfast they are eating

Look, obviously I love them all. But if you're going to suggest disbanding every time you lose a game then maybe you aren't suited to being a team. Take the loss, reflect, bounce back. That's what sport is. To make it All About Me when I first got into hockey my team of choice had one of the worst seasons ever seen. 5 years later they won the championship.

I shouldn't laugh when everyone is dramatically breaking up but Mo Fan is such a mood

He's tired and sad and that should be your rallying point. Unite to cheer him up and help him rebuild his weapon (which I'm assuming they will do when they get over all this)

Ye Xiu at least understands that they need more time to properly bond as a team. The latest member joined them right before the game that they lost.

NO THE GAMER GIRLFRIENDS HAVE BROKEN UP THIS IS TERRIBLE. They were my first ship in this drama 😭

I'm glad you've learned this lesson but you literally ran away from your esports team because you lost a competition and back to your piano school that you also ran away from because you lost a competition. We seem to be going in circles here.

So Tang Rou has gone back to music school and Wei Chen is selling his account. This is all feeling very permanent and I am Concerned

Oh, thank god. Baozi is there to (hopefully) stop him

How could anyone resist the puppy face

I love Baozi so much. He really is the heart of the team. He just wants to hang out with his friends and do the thing they all love whether they win or lose. I think he should just go around everyone and 🥺 at them until the agree to come back

Great now I'm crying

Well, fuck, he signed it anyway

Ow, shit, Mo Fan comes out of left field and kicks me right in the chest

God, he still looks so sad! Everyone is so sad and I hate it! If Yifan cries again I am done!

I can't believe this many journalists and photographers have shown up for one minor league esports team

No journalist ever has asked for proof in the middle of a press conference

Wu Chen of all people to the rescue. Holy shit!

To the surprise of no one Wu Chen's 'betrayal' was all just a big misunderstanding

I'm very sorry I called you a dirty cheater. Thank you for being the voice of reason

#hils watches #hils watches the king's avatar #hils watches cdramas #the king's avatar #cdrama

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altschmerzes · 10 months

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we can ask for bits from the miracle run? 🌹!!

ABSOLUTELY you can!!! i'm beyond flattered anyone would be interested in it tbh!! i always want to talk about it, it's my like. it's been my absolute baby for many years at this point, i love it dearly and it's like having a fandom you're like, wholly and hysterically dedicated to but it's like, You Alone In Your House. so yes, absolutely, please!!

this is also from the first episode of the miracle run, my original hockey sports fiction project. it is a character introduction! it's also a longer section so it's gonna go under a cut

(character intros has been one of the harder things to do in my original work, being as i write so much fic that it's not a skill i have to practice often in a lot of the writing i spend more time working on! it's an interesting exercise.)

Things haven’t officially started yet. Everybody’s been left to mingle around on the ice without any direction, stretching or chatting with old friends and new teammates. Jesse has been sticking close to the edge of the ice, mainly watching, and his eyes are drawn to one person in particular. There’s one man who seems to be running a drill solo at the far end of the rink, circling the net on a loop. He starts about a third of the way up the ice, launches on a sprint towards the goal, makes a sharp swerve towards the boards behind the net, curves around the back, and rips the puck past where the goalie would be if there had been one, then fishes it out and returns to his starting point to do it all over again.

“Isn’t he dizzy by now?” somebody asks, off to Jesse’s right. When he glances over his shoulder, he sees it’s one of the twins again. He couldn’t begin to guess if it’s the same one he’d locked eyes with earlier or the other. The Grahams are identical-identical, and their names, Michael and Marcus, start with the same letter. There’s not even the helpful first-initial to help tell them apart. Come to think of it, Jesse doesn’t know if both of them are even here today or if it’s just the one. The startlingly tall man next to him, with the letter A indicating alternate captaincy stitched to the front of his jersey and his sheer size identifying him as Phoenixes veteran Jean-Pierre Delacroix, shakes his head and sighs with a small smile on his face. “Who knows," he says. French rounds out and softens his English, though faintly. "He’s gonna keep doing it until he gets it right anyway.”" Jesse looks back at the player running the loop over and over, skate, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. The movements are indistinguishable, each loop as identical as the Graham twins. He couldn’t pick out a flaw if he tried. The drill is perfect. Sprint, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. Sprint, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. Sprint, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. Stop. Sharp, cold grey eyes lock onto Jesse’s own impressed brown, and the man who’d been running the loop, the number eleven moving with his shoulder as he breathes hard from the exertion, stares at him. Jesse’s mouth feels suddenly dry, his throat sandpaper. Isaac Jensen, the state of Minnesota’s favourite son who every sports reporting outlet on the continent has dubbed the future of the Phoenixes, doesn’t make a move to approach Jesse or introduce himself. Maybe, when the world’s known your name since you were sixteen, two years before you’d shatter your way into the League as first overall draft pick, signed to a team’s main roster before the rookie showcase was even over, introducing yourself is something you don’t really think to do anymore. Jensen’s expression is unreadable. Hard. Scrutinizing. Jesse feels like he’s under a microscope, a spotlight. He feels like he’s been shoved alone onto a stage with a guitar, and Jensen is the only person in the crowd who knows that he can’t play it. As suddenly as he’d stopped, Jensen breaks eye contact and skates away, and before Jesse can decide how - or if - to react, there’s the sound of a whistle, and Coach Owen Andersen is summoning Section A to centre ice to begin their first day of practice.

#gav gab #gav answers #original: the miracle run #ask box games #kingfisherprince #writing liveblog #i love them is the thing.#this is an introduction i like to call 'antagonist coded'

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after-witch · 7 months

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Bright Lights (Small Spaces Quartet Sequel) (Chapter 2)

Title: Bright Lights (Chapter 2) A03 LINK

Synopsis: Sam tells her friends about her mom's refusal to sign the permission slip for the circus, and they have a plan.

Word count: appx 1700

“You’ve never been to a circus? Like, never never?”

Owen Sannerson’s eyebrows raised in scrupulous disbelief. He had moved to Evansburg two years ago, and while Sam and Elisa considered him a best friend by now, he still had a hard time accepting that Samantha Adler simply didn’t do what most teens her age did.

Sam shrugged. She wanted to change the subject. She also wanted to finish her sandwich before the cheese got all cold and gloppy, and maybe work on her poems one more time before English class. Anything to forget about the permission slip and poster handout that Elisa had slapped in the center of the table at the start of lunch period, eager to find out exactly what had happened with Sam’s mom.

“Nope. Too much like a carnival, I guess, and my mom hates those.” Sam made a sour face. She didn’t really like talking all the things she couldn’t do, especially after this morning’s latest rejection. If she piled all the cool field trips or friend hang-outs she had to stay back from on top of one another, it might just reach the top of a skyscraper.

“She hates farms, too,” Elisa chimed in, popping a lukewarm fry into her mouth. “And ski lodges, unless it’s the Battersby’s place.”

Sam sighed and took another bite of her sandwich. Blech. Too late. The cheese was gloppy. Yet another reason to ask grandpa to teach her his recipes, so she didn’t have to put up with school lunch.

Elisa curled a bit of her shoulder-length dark hair around a finger. She was wearing her in-school hockey jersey and cozy sweatpants. The team had a game next week and Elisa never missed a chance to get hyped, especially now that she was taking lessons from Sam’s uncle Brian. He ran a sports camp in the next town over and offered lessons in just about any sport imaginable; even games like chess, although those classes were taught by his wife Coco.

Elisa tapped the unsigned permission slip with her short fingernail.

“Do you remember when she flipped out when we were supposed to go to the re-opening day of Misty Valley Farm, or whatever they renamed it?”

Sam wished she could forget. That was back in 6th grade. Sam wasn’t allowed to go to the farm with the rest of her class, but she’d cried so pitifully to her teacher Mrs. Norris that the sweet lady had called Sam’s mom on the spot to ask permission as the buses were being loaded.

That had ended with Olivia Adler peeling up to the school in her car about 15 minutes later and taking Sam home for the day while a bewildered Mrs. Norris and snickering classmates had watched.

The car ride home had been quiet, save for Sam’s occasional sniffles. At a stoplight, her mom had turned to her, and opened her mouth as if she wanted to explain something… but she only closed it again and drove them home without another word.

It was always like that, like there was something her mom really wanted to tell her that would explain away everything; but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. It made Sam mad. More than that, it was frustrating. Couldn’t her mom see that she was old enough to take care of herself? Couldn’t her mom see that she didn’t need to be coddled all the time?

Although a small part of her wanted to defend her mom. There was clearly something going on that made her act this way, when she was otherwise pretty rational, as far as parents went. The divorce probably didn’t help things. And grandpa being sick didn’t help things. That’s why they had to move back to the Egg in the first place.

Sam sighed and shoved her lunch tray to the side, suddenly not feeling very hungry. “It’s shitty. But what can I do? I guess I’ll be 18 before I see a circus or go to a farm.” She snorted through her nose at the thought of scampering up to farm animals or picking pumpkins for the first time after graduating high school.

Elisa was uncharacteristically quiet. This usually meant that she was coming up with a plan or a scheme--with Elisa, plans and schemes tended to amount to the same thing.

“Elisa,” she said slowly, carefully.

Elisa looked at Owen, who held her gaze before suddenly becoming very interested in his lap.

“What?” said Sam, half-worried, half-excited.

Elisa’s chair screeched as she scooted closer to Sam, before gesturing for Owen to do the same. He tucked a stray piece of his chin length blonde hair behind his ear and copied Elisa, until the three of them were close enough to whisper.

“So, me and Owen have been talking,” Elisa began, pulling the permission slip from the center of the table until it was right in front of Sam. “And here’s the plan. You forge your mom’s signature. Go on the trip. Have some fun for once in your life.” She tapped the paper decisively. “Your mom never has to find out. Perfect plan, right?”

Was it possible for your stomach to drop out from underneath you? Sam thought it might be possible, because that’s what her stomach was currently doing, gloppy cheese and all.

“I can’t.” Her words were stiff. “My mom would know. Or she’d find out. I’d be in trouble.” A half-laugh forced its way out of Sam’s throat. “No, I’d be grounded for the rest of my life and even after that. She’d ground my ghost.”

Elisa began to twirl the paper on the table with her finger. “Not if you pretend to be super upset about not going before and after the trip and she never finds out you went…”

“I’m not that good an actor,” Sam mumbled.

“I can give you tips!” Owen said suddenly, sitting up a little straighter. “I’ve only done tech here but I’m really into acting.”

Sam sighed. Then put both hands on her cheeks and shut her eyes and groaned. The idea was tempting. It wasn’t like she hadn’t considered it before. But the fear of her mom finding out always outweighed the desire to go through with it.

“C’mon, Sam.” Elisa picked up the circus poster handout that their teacher Mr. Wheeling had given them two weeks ago. “There hasn’t been a circus here since… I can’t even remember one coming to Evansburg. You have to go.”

The poster was crinkled a little from being in Sam’s backpack, but at least it wasn’t torn. It was designed to look old-fashioned, which Sam supposed was “in” nowadays. There was an illustration featuring a cluster of tents, and a banner across the top that said: “MR. ELIM’S CIRCUS. ALL AGES WELCOME.”

At the bottom of the poster, there was a close-up illustration of a man in a ringmaster’s uniform gazing up at the tent and grinning. Something about him was a little unnerving, like his grin was too big or something. Sam wondered if her friends felt the same; but probably not, especially Elisa, who didn’t even flinch when they’d watched IT Chapter One and Two in Owen’s basement last Halloween. Sam, by contrast, had slept with her desk lamp on for a week.

Next to the ringmaster were a series of faded blue banners that described circus acts.

“FEROCIOUS BEASTS! SEE TIGERS TAMED!

FLYING TRAPEZE! DEATH-DEFYING HEIGHTS!

REAL LIVE FIRE BREATHERS! HOTTER THAN HADES!

ENDLESS SIGHTS THAT WILL ASTOUND AND AMAZE!

PERFORMANCES YOU WILL NEVER FORGET!”

They did sound amazing and astounding and wonderful.

And her mom would never, ever let her see them.

And even if Sam did try to forge her mom’s signature and go on the trip, who’s to say she wouldn’t find out somehow, anyway? Sam might pop in the background of someone’s video online or Mr. Wheeling would call Olivia to say how glad he was that Sam was going on a field trip for once.

Besides, Sam was too scared to forge her mom’s signature. Especially on something as serious--well, in the Adler household, it was serious--as this.

Sam felt a familiar tightness in her chest begin to grow and pushed back from her chair. Before Owen or Elisa could say anything, she grabbed both papers and shoved them deep into her backpack.

“Sam,” Owen said, and reached out to touch her on the arm. Owen was good at one-on-one talks like this, sort of like her grandpa. But she didn’t feel like being reassured right now. She just wanted to be mad at the unfairness of her life.

“My mom would find out,” Sam said shortly, hoisting her backpack over her shoulder. “Or I’d mess it up somehow and blab or copy her signature wrong or…” She sighed. “Sorry.”

Owen did touch Sam’s arm, then, and looked incredibly thoughtful.

“Why don’t you ask your mom again tonight? Like, sit her down and have a full-on discussion about it? Maybe you can find the website for this circus or whatever and show her that it’s not a big deal. It did say all ages, so it’s got to be mild enough for little kids.”

Sam shook her head, but didn’t outright say she wouldn’t do it. Owen was just giving her advice. She couldn’t be mad at him for that, even if it was something she’d tried to do on her own countless times over the years.

And maybe… maybe her mom would listen, if she took the time to explain. Her mom had been in a rush that morning, what with Sam running late. Her mom was always stressed in the morning, especially if her grandpa needed help during the night.

Was it worth a shot?

Sam nodded at Owen and tried to smile, but it wasn’t anything to write home about. “Maybe. Text me after school, guys. Or during 6th period, I’ll have my sound off. I gotta go to the bathroom before lunch ends.”

With that, Sam Adler walked away from her friends with thoughts of permission slips and serious discussions weaving heavily on her mind.

“Tell your mom, it’s just a circus!” Elisa called out after Sam, all 15 years of her life experience weighing behind each word. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

#small spaces #katherine arden #small spaces quartet #fanfiction #afterwitch writes #bright lights

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ladylooch · 2 years

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Never Til Now- Timo Meier

7.4.22 Update: I had to repost Timo.. so I lost all my notes.. and if you liked it to come back to it, very sorry but you need to like it again. AH!

Word count: 4.9k

A/N: Timo Time! I’m into Swiss dudes I guess? Idk. So here is a brief break from Kevin Fiala for Thotty boy T.

Warnings: SMUT (18+). Swearing. Sadness. Drinking. And.. probably other things that I cannot think of right now.

The neon light of the Coors sign on the wall beside our table is so bright it makes my temples throb. Or maybe it’s Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” being blared through the speakers of the bar for Ladies’ Night. My eyes briefly pull away from the San Jose Sharks game to my group of girlfriends. I feel guilty about my lack of contribution to the conversation. But the truth is, I would rather be anywhere else tonight. Instead, I’m going through the motions, convinced if I try hard enough, I’ll be over him soon. Him. The love of my life. The beginning and the end of it all. The hardest damn goodbye I’ve ever experienced. That’s what he is to me but to the rest of San Jose, he’s Timo Time.

Timo and I met randomly because we both frequented the same taco place for lunch. We both sat at the bar one sunny, Friday, two Septembers ago. I knew of him, but admittedly did not follow hockey much. During Happy Hour, we were at opposite ends of the bar, but as the night got busier, he wandered down to the stool next to me. That’s where we spent the next 6 hours together, until we shut the place down. We bonded over our love of food- cooking, eating out, and collecting a million different gadgets for the kitchen. We dreamed up our perfect kitchens while tasting different, expensive tequilas. We munched on authentic tacos and guacamole all the while falling for each other. When he asked to see me again, I couldn’t give him my number fast enough.

On our first date, we found ourselves at another taco place- a newer, trendy one that people couldn’t stop talking about on the west side of the city. The restaurant had a beautiful patio on the water where we watched the sunset while stuffing ourselves full of guac, tacos, and of course, tequila. By the end of the date, I had a buzz for Timo stronger than any tequila could give.

We left the restaurant for something quieter and found ourselves on the beach, walking hand in hand. We told each other all about our lives- our siblings, our parents, our hometowns, and of course for him, all about hockey. Listening to the stories of his life, leaving Switzerland so young for Canada, living with a billet family, all for this incredible, exotic dream of playing in the NHL. It was so impressive.

Eventually, we stopped walking and dipped our feet into the warm water. The waves crashed up to our ankles while we talked about how I grew up in Southern California, but moved North for a marketing job three years ago. I’ve never thought about going back. The distance and the culture suits me better here.

“California seems to be its own country. You can have different experiences depending on where you are in the state.” Timo murmurs to me as we look out at the moonlight glittering on the water’s surface.

“It definitely is. So unique too. We have so many different cultures and ethnicities here. It makes California a slice of heaven for any foodie.” He laughs, his white teeth stark against the dark night. I take a moment to study him as he turns back to the water. My heart squeezes in my chest and I know I’m falling for him. Fast.

“I’m about to start my season.” He breaks our comfortable silence a few minutes later. “And my schedule will get crazy.” Well, shit. I try not to show my dejection visibly and brace for the thanks but no thanks. “I know it will be a lot to ask. I’ll be gone a lot, but when I’m here… I’d like to see you.” He looks over at me, blue eyes hopeful and awaiting my response.

“I’d like that.” I whisper to him, lips pulling into an easy smile.

“Good because I know a tapas place you’ll love.”

“A hockey player that loves tapas. Incredible.” I tease him, laughter glinting in my eyes as they look at his.

His blue eyes hover on my lips. With courage, I inch forward a smidge. I want him to go the rest of the way. My green eyes devour his features as he comes close. I suck in an anticipatory breath, but when our lips touch, I lose it all. Fire ignites inside my chest and rushes out through my limbs until all of me is hot. My arms go around his neck and I hold myself close to him. His large hands stay on my hips but squeeze tighter in hunger. I’ve never felt anything like this. I want to dive down deeper into this feeling until I lose touch of everything but him.

“Wow.” He whispers against my lips as he pulls an inch back. He felt it too. Then his lips press into mine again and talking becomes irrelevant.

“Taylor!” My best friend, Natalie, groans at me. I give her a confused look, stepping out of the memory of us. “Are you even here?”

“No.” I answer honestly, stirring my Paloma. The taste of tequila reminds me of him. I shouldn’t have ordered this. I shove the glass away and push out a heavy sigh. My eyes meet Natalie’s and a wave of sympathy passes over her.

“I can tell the bartender to turn it off?” She motions to the game. I shake my head. He could turn off every TV in this bar but it wouldn’t stop my mind from being on Timo.

My eyes go back to the game. The Sharks are playing the Kings and Timo is currently on the ice. The last minute in the first period is winding down. Timo gets the puck at the bottom of the right circle. He shoots, but the goalies saves it. He crashes the net hard, going to the back door just in time to get an easy tap in goal. I jump in excitement on my stool, clapping my hands for him instinctively. I watch hungrily as the camera pans to him, drinking up the sight of his handsome face. His teammates are engulfing him and this seems like a bigger celebration than warranted considering the Sharks are already up by 3-0 in the first. The sound is off on the TV, so I can’t gather much information.

After the hugs of celebration, the camera pans out. I watch as hats litter the ice. Holy shit. Did he just get a first period, hat trick? My mouth drops slightly open and I watch in awe as the camera finds him at the end of the bench after the hand shake line. His excitement is palpable through the screen. Despite my sadness, a smile pulls across my lips. He deserves this. I hope the fans are cheering loudly for him.

The next period starts after a twenty minute break and a switch from Lizzo to Lady Gaga in the bar speakers. The Sharks are on an immediate power play and Timo skates out for the face off. I watch as they set up around the perimeter. The defensemen looks across ice, seeing Timo wide open on the opposite circle. His pass is right on. Timo skates further in, then buries the puck in the top right corner, just beyond the goalie’s glove. Again, my mouth drops open in shock. Four goals in just under 22 minutes. This is unreal!

The rest of the period plays out, but it’s clear the Kings just don’t have any momentum tonight. Timo has it all. He’s still skating fast, forechecking hard, and crunching bodies into the boards each moment he can. He’s mesmerizing and I’ve forgotten that I’m supposed to be here with my group of friends. I glance at them immersed in their own conversations without me. It seems they have forgotten about me too. In their defense, I’ve disappeared since Timo and I ended.

The 2nd period is just wrapping up. Timo charges down the sideboards, rushing into the King’s zone for one last attempt to score. Drew Doughty dives, thinking his stick can knock the puck from Timo. But Timo’s destiny was already decided. Timo toe drags around him and launches the puck into the net for his 5th goal in 2 periods.

“Ah!!!” I scream and jump to my feet, clapping enthusiastically. No one else in the bar is watching this game. My group of friends looks at me questioningly. “Timo just scored his 5th goal of the night.”

“Holy shit!” Natalie yells, looking at the TV and clapping. “Wait, should we be clapping?” She asks me quickly.

“Yes! This is incredible.” I clasp my hands together and settle them against my lips as I watch his celebration on the bench.

Have a night, Timo. Have a damn night.

Like a shadow, the sadness begins to seep back into me. It penetrates my skin and hurries rapidly through my veins until my chest aches again. This is the kind of ache that will stay with me tonight then into my dreams. I purse my lips, watching him on the bench. His smile slowly fades away and his blue eyes become fierce again as he looks out at the next face off. His only focus is on winning this game. From the outside world, you can’t even tell that he lost something. How could that be? I’ll readily admit that leaving each other was a mutual decision, but from where I’m sitting, he looks fine. Unflappable, detached even, while I’m trying to drown myself in the tequila he introduced me to. Maybe to him, it wasn’t a loss after all.

Good for you, T. I think to myself, then look down and wipe my thumb at the condensation on my glass. The cool liquid transports me again unwillingly.

“Cold!” I scream as Timo rushes us into the water. “Oh my god!!!” I shriek louder, gasping as the cool waves of the Pacific Ocean lap at my calves.

“This isn’t cold!” He insists back to me, laughing. “You Californians are so soft.” He scoffs at me. A teasing glint taints his blue orbs. “What if I dropped you?” My eyes widen with legitimate fear, but then his gaze soften and he secures me tighter to him. “I’ll never let go.” He assures me. “Titanic, ya?” He grins.

“That’s less comforting considering Jack froze to death in the ocean.” I throw my right hand out to the side, gesturing to the body of water we are in.

“I love you too much to let anything happen to you.” The words roll off his tongue so easily, like this isn’t the first time he’s said or thought of them. Except he’s never said them to me. His smile quickly fades to be replaced by an expression of panic. My green eyes turn serious while my lips form the words I’ve thought for weeks.

“I love you too.” I murmur to him, watching his blue eyes sparkle back at me. An obvious sigh of relief drops his shoulders. He tilts his chin up, begging for my lips. I bring them close but pause before placing them on his. “How long have you been wanting to say that?”

“Since day one.” He beams at me. I tilt my head back and laugh.

“Got you right where I want you.”

“Me too.” He murmurs, tightening his arms on my legs.

My voice sounds foreign. Like it’s going through a wind tunnel or a warp in time that makes it sound not like me.

“What?” Natalie asks me. I guess it sounds weird to her too.

“I gotta go.” I repeat, or at least I think that’s what I said before.

“Do you need a ride home? Claire hasn’t been drinking because she’s on Paleo.”

“No.” I immediately shake my head. Claire is great, but I can call a Lyft. I’ve ruined enough of the night without pulling someone away.

I pull up the Lyft app on my phone and order one. Cindy will be here in two minutes. I say my rushed goodbyes, pretending I’m just tired, trying to act like I’m not running out of the bar over my ex-boyfriend. I know none of them buy it because their pity drowns me in every tight squeeze. When the outside air hits my skin, I have to hold back tears. I want to break down. Crawl into a hole. Never resurface into the world. Trying to get over Timo feels like a deep, unrelenting agony. Each wave laps at my battered skin then pulls me under until I’m drowning in his memory. I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I followed the textbook plan that had assurances this would get easier one day. I sent back his stuff, unfollowed him on social media, got drunk at ladies’s night. Yet, the pain is the same aching, agony as it was the night we lost each other.

“Fuck, Taylor!” Timo snaps at me, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I can’t do anything right for you!” He tosses his phone on the counter and it skids another foot, dangerously close to the edge.

“I asked you to delete snapchat and it’s still on your phone.”

“If you’re going to dig through my personal shit, don’t get mad about what you find.” He’s not wrong, but he also made a promise to me that he didn’t keep.

“Why is it still on your phone?”

“Because it is! I have friends from home on there and that’s how we communicate.”

“So you’re not getting boob pictures sent to you by fans anymore?” I narrow my eyes accusingly at him.

The fan Snaps are why I asked him to take it off his phone. The easy access to him by numerous girls wanting to be with him made me insecure. Plus, Snapchat was how he used to hook up with various girls before me. He admitted to that. So, it felt contradictory that he could be in love with me and still give those girls permission to connect with him.

“Oh my god.” He mutters, shaking his head and walking out of the kitchen.

“So you are!” I shout at him in frustration, hands pushing the falling pieces of hair from my pony tail away from my face. I feel just as out of control as my hair.

“I don’t open them.” He insists, waving me away as he drops onto the couch in a hump of irritation.

“Maybe you keep Snapchat because you’re trying to keep your options open.” The words blurt from my mouth before I can stop them. His blue eyes slide to mine with a narrow fierceness. He doesn’t respond but an ashamed truth begins to darken his features. My heart sinks in my chest until it’s being eaten away by the acid churning in my stomach. “Oh.” The word falls from my lips so simply, like it didn’t take everything we built with it to the ground.

“I love you.” He says to me. “But things have been hard lately…”

His words end as if he isn’t quite sure what to say next. Or maybe he knows and he can’t say it. At this point, I’ve left my body and I’m watching us like a movie. I slowly sit on the arm of the chair beside the couch. He won’t look at me. I think about what he is saying even as the realization bursts my heart into a million, jagged pieces.

“Maybe it’s not supposed to be this hard.” I finish for him. He doesn’t react at all. The silence wraps around us like a vice. I know exactly how this night is ending. “Is there someone else?” I ask him, terrified but needing to know.

“No.” He answers immediately.

I nod slowly, watching without being able to do anything about us falling apart in his living room. I think about the last few months and know he is right. It’s been hard. The honeymoon stage is over. The reality of his world has sunk in and it’s been a tough adjustment. I don’t feel like me some days. The jealously and insecurity have made my love for him feel like a burden. I’m not sure if this will work forever like I had hoped. These thoughts don’t make it any easier to speak this into existence.

“Maybe we should take some time.” I say the words, but he shakes his head in agreement. Our eyes connect. I take one more minute of looking at him before everything changes. Before our year plus relationship ends in smoldering embers of what was. Then, I rise to grab my things, turning my back to him as the tears begin to dash down my cheeks. My entire world has shifted and I know instantly that my heart will never be the same. There will only be before this and after this.

Minutes later, when his door closes behind me, after I’ve grabbed everything I can fit in my arms, I lean back against the door to gather the pieces of me together. The sound of a despairing “fuck” meets my ears from the other side of the door.

The memory of his voice that night will haunt me forever.

7 weeks have passed and I still hear the despair in his voice every night. He hasn’t called. Neither have I. “Needing time” is slowly pushing towards finding closure. It’s better this way. That’s what we both probably say to ourselves. Pretending that we can keep living without each other because it’s easier than sewing us back together. Every night, the loneliness has me questioning, yearning for him in the darkness of my cold bed. Meanwhile, his career has exploded. He’s thriving, working for his dreams and having them come true without me. And I get to be stuck here, reliving us every night like a horror movie I can’t escape.

I slide into my bed after walking into my empty house. I shut the lamp off next to my bedside table. I have my phone secured in my hands. He probably doesn’t want to hear from me. If he did, why hasn’t he reached out? Yet it feels wrong to not acknowledge the historic night he had. I pull in a breath, trying to decide what to do. I go into the Photos app on my phone, clicking through the album of our pictures. I moved them from my camera roll to a separate album. I couldn’t delete them. Even if I did, they wouldn’t be gone. They’re part of me. But my heart couldn’t take seeing them every day either.

A small smile tugs my lips up at the picture of us at the beach, moments after he told me he loved me. Then, there is the picture from Tomas Hertl’s wedding last off season. Our cheeks are pressed together; our buzz obvious in the frame. I flip to the next one. Now, his lips are on my cheek while my eyes squint in delightful laughter. That was such a good night; it hurts to look at now that we aren’t us. I chomp on my lip, moving to Messages, pulling up a new one with his number. My fingers type out the text to him and press send before I can change my mind.

I’m so proud of you, T. I hope you’re doing okay.

I keep the message open, hopeful that I’ll see the bubble. It pops up quickly, then disappears. This happens a few more times. Ten minutes pass, then twenty, then thirty. The bubble does not appear again. I blink back the familiar stinging of tears and lock my phone. I set it on my nightstand. Nope, that’s not going to work. I pick it up again, flicking up the menu and setting it on Do Not Disturb. If I don’t, I’ll spend all night listening for the buzz-buzz I’m desperately hoping for. I’m not wasting another night of sleep over someone who couldn’t care less.

I should know better by now that I can’t escape Timo’s memory in my dreams either.

It’s been an impossibly long road trip. 14 days is way too damn long for him to be gone. My chest aches for him as I turn over to will sleep to come to me. It’s difficult knowing Timo will be landing soon. Except we already talked and he’s going to his place, not coming here. I’ll see him tomorrow morning. The bright light of the sunrise can’t come soon enough.

But it’s still dark out when I feel his hands on me later. I sigh and lean into him as he spoons me. I can feel how hard he is against my butt. He wiggles his hips into me, willing me to awaken fully so he can touch me the way he wants.

“It’s not morning.” I mumble to him, turning in his arms so we are facing one another. His chest is bare. His lips immediately attach to me. I wrap my arms lazily around his neck. His hands move up my sides, bringing my t-shirt with them to expose my bare skin.

“Had to have you tonight.” He confesses to me between kisses. “Had to touch you here.” His fingers push into the waistband of my pants and slide against my slick flesh. “The whole flight home, all I could think about was burying my dick deep, right here, until you’re speechless.”

“Please.” I command him, hand snaking down between us to stroke his erection. The tempo of his fingers on my clit increases. It doesn’t take long until I’m arching my back for more. This is what he wanted. He moves me to my back and tugs my pants down my legs. I spread my knees for him and he settles between them. His muscular body is on full display for me. My heartbeat quickens as his thumbs reach out, brushing my nipples before he plunges deep into me.

Timo’s head tilts back in pure ecstasy at the feeling of my wetness. He stays like that for one, two, three more seconds as I adjust then he pulls out to slam right back in.

“Mmm… Not going to last long, baby.” He tells me as he begins to move. “You feel too damn good.” He groans the words out to me. I would respond to him except I’m already speechless. My deprived muscles pulse around him, tightening and willing him to bring me to the place I’ve been needing to be since the last time I had him.

His eyes find mine in the dim moonlight streaming into the bedroom. He can see the desire in them and hear it in my voice as I encourage him to give me more. My hands go to my breasts and I tug my nipples into tight buds. My knees spread wider so I can rock my hips hard into his thrusts.

“Fuck, baby, keep touching yourself like that.” He growls at me. His pumps increase as he watches my show. He bites down on his bottom lip in concentration, blue eyes a raging storm of desire. His panting begin to increase with mine. He pulls my right hand off my breast, moving it down to touch my clit. I rub tight, fast circles as his thrusts get deeper and more explosive.

“Babe.” I moan out to him.

“Come, baby. Come all over me.”

His words are the shove. I come flying over the cliff. Pure, primal noises drip from my mouth as he fucks me through it. Then, his lips are on mine and he’s moaning into my mouth. The kiss is all teeth and tongue while his white hot orgasm fills me. His chest rises and falls rapidly as I wrap my hand around the back to his neck, holding his forehead to my collar bone.

“That was better than I even imagined it.”

“Yeah? Did you stroke a few out while you were gone.” I tease him, loving the idea.

“Ah.. a few doesn’t even begin to cover the number.”

“Timo, you’re obsessed with me.”

“This part of you for sure.” He jokes as he slowly pulls out of me. He looks down at his dick and wiggles his eyebrows at me. He’s coated in thick, white cum. “This isn’t all me.”

“I missed you too.” I shrug, a smug grin tilting my lips. He tilts his head back to laugh, a sexy grin staying on his lips.

“I could do this forever, you know.” He murmurs, fingers gripping my calf. His eyes don’t look at me, but I know what I say next matters to him.

“Me too. Where do I sign up?” His dazzling, white teeth sparkle while I let myself imagine what that would look like. A wedding, summers in Switzerland, forever homes, perfect Swiss- American babies. The images followed me into my dreams that night, but that’s where they would stay.

Two months later, forever was off the table.

_ _ _

I’m speechless the next morning when I see his response.

I’m not okay without you.

It came in after 2:00am and I wonder if he had been drunk when he sent it. I try to think of what I could possibly say to that. Fear and self-preservation prevail, so I say nothing. I try to forget it and go about my day. I take a shower, brush my teeth, do the dishes, and make a list of groceries I need for the week.

I’m not okay without you.

The words echo again as I’m grabbing my keys to head to Whole Foods. A knock at my door stops my progress to the garage. Could it be? Cautiously, I turn and head across the house to the front door.

My entire body stills instantly when I see him outside the door. My hands shake as I reach for the door knob. I open the door slowly. He pulls off his mirrored aviators off so I can see his striking, blue eyes. I know he can see the tears in mine, but I can’t stop them from existing. Not now, in this pivotal moment, where he’s back in front of me. Not after his confession last night.

“We made a mistake.” The words drop from his lips as his eyebrows pull together in anguish. “A huge fucking mistake.” He finishes with a whisper. I swallow and nod my head in earnest agreement.

“We can fix it.” I cry to him, reaching my arms for him. His body engulfs mine and his strength keeps us from crumbling together to the porch.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Me too.” I sob to him, digging my fingers into his muscular shoulders.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.” I insist, pulling away and locking our lips together.

His lips move hungrily over mine and he begins to walk me backwards. Except, I’m not going fast enough for him, so his large hands pull me into his arms. I wrap my legs around him tightly as he walks us further into the house. He slams the door behind us and brings me to the couch, gently laying me down. He pulls his face from mine and buries it into my neck. I can feel him inhale deeply. My hand comes to the back of his head to hold him there.

“I tried to get over you. It didn’t work.” I confess to him.

“Good.” He mumbles to me. “The second you left, I knew it was wrong. It’s not supposed to feel this shitty to live without someone.”

“It does when you have something this good.” I whisper to him, fingers scratching gently at his scalp. “You were incredible last night.” He shakes his head and pulls away to look at me.

“In the moment, I was so happy. When I was driving home last night, to my empty place, knowing you wouldn’t be there… I didn’t care anymore. About any of it- the win, the goals, the history. It meant nothing to me without having you to share it with. I don’t want this for the rest of my life. I want forever with you like we planned. I hope you still want this too.” He fingers lace with mine and I nod my head at him. His lips press against mine in a sweet, steady kiss. “Good. Cause I’m still planning on a white picket fence that keeps our babies and dogs in the yard.”

“It’s a little unbelievable that Mr. Thot Boy wants a white picket fence for his babies.” I tease him, bringing up the nickname he earned before me for being so thirsty.

“Never wanted it until now.” He murmurs to me. “Thot boy fell in love. The forever kind. Tell your friends.”

“How about we go fuck and you can show me instead?” I whisper to him, wrapping myself around his body. He stands with me in his arms and walks us back to my bedroom.

When we are naked and he’s about to connect us together, I stop him.

“If there was someone else, you need to wrap that up.” I say to him. I know it might kill the mood, but I’m not willing to risk it just because I’m high on love and lust right now.

“There was no one else.” He whispers against my lips. “Just you running through my mind.”

“Same.” I breathe out to him.

“It’s going to be this way forever.” He insists.

The look in his eyes is another memory I’ll never forget.

#timo meier #timo Meier fan fiction #hockey fan fiction #nhl fan fiction #hockey writing #nhl writing #San Jose sharks #fan fiction #my writing

63 notes · View notes

teenagesmoking · 3 months

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A Frosted New World - Oc x Shang Tsung

Summary- Francine has been playing hockey for a while, but a mysterious enters her life, and her world gets flipped upside down.

A/N- This is my first Fanfic, it will contain more chapters as I write more so stay tuned.

Chapter 1 - First Encounters

“You think we're gonna win this one, Marcus?” Francine said, rubbing his back.

“Since when did our team lose a game, it felt like forever since that happened,” Marcus said.

“Maybe before I came on the team, but not now.” she chuckled, clutching onto her hockey stick as she headed out to the ice.

Francine skated through the ice rink, looking out to the crowd she could only see the flashing of cameras, the screams, and cheers drowning out all other sounds. She has been playing hockey for a while, mainly playing for her school, but she didn’t start taking it seriously until recently.

“Look at that Francine go! Have you seen anything like that before?” the announcer narrated.

“Young but mature as the fans say, maybe a bit too mature for my liking.” the other announcer comments.

“Wonder why she changed her mask though, all those weird holes cut out of it”

The hockey player was blocking the shots from left to right, coming from all directions. But something distracted her, a man in the audience wearing a red jacket, silky brown hair sculpting his face.

“Holy crap, Francine watch out!” Marcus shouted.

“Huh-” A hockey puck came flying out of nowhere, hitting Francine dead in her eye.

-Thud-

She fell backward onto the ice, everything going black.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Francine woke up, all she could see was the fluorescent lights from the ceiling. She had a headache creeping up on her, slowly piercing the right side of her brain. A warm, plush bed replaced the cold of the ice.

“Where’s my jersey,” she pat herself down. “Where’s my gear!?”

“Calm down, kid, you’ll be fine. Just got into a little accident, that‘s all.”

The hockey player turned to look at the figure next to her bed, the captain.

Francine lay back down, staring at her captain. Her body is growing cold as the headache gets worse.

“How could this happen? I was doing so well that I got distracted..” she whispered, eyes glazed over.

“Oh Francine, don’t be so hard on yourself, this happened to plenty of people before you. See,” the captain rubbed Francine’s head with his head. “Not much pain now, but you’ll have to sit out.”

“Hmm.”

The captain walked away and headed toward the door.

“If you need anything, just call, ok?” the captain said.

“‘Kay..” she said.

Francine reached over to the table on the right, gifts overflowed from top to bottom. She grabbed a handful of cards and some boxes from the table. Laying them on top of herself, she goes through them individually.

“Dear Francine, you’ve always been my favorite player. I have all your merchandise, some of it even signed. I want to play hockey too, but I’m disabled and don’t have a leg. Do you think I’ll make it into the big leagues like you? :)”

Francine furrowed her brows, her lips turning into a wicked simile. She looked over to the table again, picked up a notebook and a pen, and started to write.

“What a dumbass, how the hell is someone supposed to skate without a leg? Looks like this kid is disabled in more ways than one.” Francine chuckled to herself, pens furiously writing a sickly sweet letter back to the fan.

Just as Francine finished writing the letter, there was a knock on the door, and one of the doctors opened the door—a clipboard in hand, standing over her with sadness in her eyes.

“Lemme guess, I can’t play for the rest of the season..” Francine states.

The doctor nods

“You suffered from a severe blow to your eye, we can’t risk one of our patients losing her eyesight,” The doctor took the pen from Francine's hands. “Even something as simple as writing.”

Francine rolled her eyes, she never liked going to the doctors for appointments, let alone in the situation she was in right now.

“Fine, I’ll just sit here and do nothing,” Francine said, crossing her arms.

As the doctor was taking her vital signs, Francine’s mind wandered off to the man again. Those eyes pierced into her soul, something about him wasn’t right.

“Looks like everything is good Francine, just don’t do anything taxing on your body.” the doctor said, leaving the room after.

The only thing that Francine could do without getting scolded again by the doctor was to watch the TV. She grabbed the remote and put it on the sports channel.

“I look so small on the screen…, and why do they have to say that I had an accident…, it wasn’t that… bad…” Francine trailed off into a deep sleep as the TV kept going.

#mk oc #mk1 #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mk 3D era #shang tsung #shang tsung x oc #fanfic #mk fanfic #original character

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prismatica-the-strange · 7 months

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📝 for Cori please? (Also sorry about having sent all my previous izombie asks on anon I just take a WHILE to get even close to bold on this hellsite lol)

Don't worry about it hon, whatever makes you comfortable!

Buckle up buttercup! We're gonna do a full rundown top to bottom, even some stuff I haven't talked about yet.

📝: How would your story in canon go? How would you influence the events of the original story?

Okay so! Blaine and Cori meet when her mother brings her to Seattle on a business trip when she was eight and he was 13. While their parents are in meetings they would hang out. He would get her in trouble with him, and a bond is formed.

As they grow up they keep in contact, emails, online chats, and video calls. Once she gets her associates, he convinces her to move out west to be with him.

He'd spent time out in New England with her during college, mostly crashing on the couch in her dorm and watching her play hockey.

Their romantic/sexual relationship is on and off again for a long time because Blaine has major commitment issues.

Then he turns her into a zombie due to his lack of self-control and he takes that as a sign that he should commit.

He tries to keep her away from some of the darker things he does, but she seems pretty much fine with it.

He gets cured and forgets her, and while he fakes his amnesia she actually moves in with Ravi and Major since she has nowhere else to go.

She and Ravi get to be really close friends and the others warm up to her too. Except for Peyton because everytime Cori sees her she wants to cave her skull in for sleeping with her boyfriend (And holding a relationship with him).

After a couple weeks, he tells he was faking and she finally gets so mad at him that she tells him she never wants to see him again. A little while later Cori gets wasted at a bar and when Major and Ravi don't answer the phone, she drunkenly calls Blaine. She wakes up the next morning, she doesn't know how she got home and she's human.

She eventually moves into her own place and distances herself from the whole zombie thing until she's snatched by Harley and his group of zombie truthers to be used as bait to get a starved Don E to rage more for the camera.

While Blaine and Liv save them, Cori gets shot and insists that Blaine not turn her. But he does it anyway after she bleeds out in his arms because, like I said, he has no self-control.

It takes a bit but they finally get back together like they were.

She helps him run the bar, becoming a co-owner of both The Scratching Post and Romeros.

About mid-season 4 Blaine finds two zombie kids rummaging through the trashcans outside the club and when he tries to get them to leave and starts threatening them Cori gets pissed and brings them inside.

They basically adopt them.

Sometime during the six months between seasons and five he proposes. She keeps him from hunting down sick kids to sell after she finds out why Darcy is hanging around.

Darcy and Don E get married before Cori and Blaine do because they're waiting until they can take a real honeymoon out side of the wall.

They did entertain the idea of planning their own kidnapping and curing to get out, but it's not as doable with the kids.

At some point Blaine sends her mom a save-the-date just to rub it in that even after cutting her off Cori still chose him.

She later surprises them by paying out the ass to show up in Seattle to convince her to leave him.

And.... that's about as far as I have so far. Maybe they move out East at some point to take over her mom's company?

#Bite me #i zombie #ask game #prisma answers #blaine debeers #blaine mcdonough

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sofarsofastmp3 · 5 months

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i experienced penguins hockey and all i got were some lousy blurry photos of geno’s warmups because i didn’t realize i had live photos turned off for half the game

okay i wasn’t going to like Write about this game because i don’t actually have a lot to say and i’m not so much a Poster but then i did like a paragraph of tags under these photos and decided an actual post would be nice for posterity.

as previously stated, the loss is on me! i genuinely can’t remember the last time i saw a pens win in person. i know the losing streak started in feb 2018, so it really is out of everyone’s hands at this point. even last year, my siblings and i made plans to go to both pens @ panthers games in december and march since we rarely get two games in one season. it didn’t work out and i ended up just going to the one in march. they won in december, and lost in march!

anyways! as the daughter of terminally late people, this was my first time going down for warmups ever and it was so fun i love to examine everybody’s rituals. and i love looking at people’s signs!!!! including a little kid who had one that said in big letters “my name is also ryan graves!” maybe he too will grow up to be a gigantic haunted doll.

i’ve never sat in the lower bowl in my life and it’s crazy down there. you can see EVERYTHING on approximately half the ice and NOTHING anywhere else. when smith scored, i thought it was doc because i have bad vision and the 9 looked like a 0. (our only goal being scored on the opposite end of me was very much on theme of me being bad luck but i got a great view of geno’s setup) if i ever did it again, it would probably only ever be like once a year to see My Guys Up Close.

the guy next to me was a panther fan who was with a pens fan and at least twice throughout the night he looked at his friend and said “bro malkins huge.” and he is!

i got to see so many cringefail powerplays! it’s so fun to watch something be bad on tv, read people talking about how bad it is, and then seeing it in person, only to realize it may actually be worse than you previously thought! i think this is good for us, though, and i agree with everyone saying we should shoot for the stars and become the worst powerplay in nhl history.

okay this bit is just for me. or just for me in a way that’s more indulgent than the way this entire blog is just for me. i don’t have a ton else to say except that for almost a full year i’ve been rekindling my relationship with hockey. and when i got back into it, i had a friend ask me if i was going to stick with the penguins as my number one even though they’re my dad’s team and my relationship with my dad has. changed. to say the least.

and at the time i kind of jokingly said “i’m just gonna steal them from him!” but i don’t even think i had to do that. it’s just simply not about him. he has nothing to do with it! i engage with this sport in a way so separate from how he would (the man used to call his team’s captain a crybaby!!! embarrassing!!! would NEVER be me!!!) i have built something that’s mine, and i love it in a way that is mine. and though i VASTLY prefer it when we win, i had so much fun last night- and have had so much fun for the last year- that i don’t particularly care about the outcome!!! at least until tuesday.

#hockeyblr if i’d known you existed before 2023 i’m not sure i ever would’ve had a hockey hiatus at all #okay over indulgent post over thanks for coming #h #p

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trickarrows-bishop · 5 months

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just send me kj thoughts, autistic or hoh idm

hmmmm 💥💥💥

autistic kj :

she would definitely LOVE a pair of noise cancelling headphones oh my god

me thinks she would also probably have a service dog in a modern au - WAIT PATTI MAYBE ???

she will find something new to hyperfixate on and eventually will start to talk to mac about it. after a while she gets scared bc mac hasn’t said anything and apologises and mac is like ??? what i was listening why r u being quiet stop no wait come back i wanna hear more pls <3

she and mac in a modern au would play minecraft together btw this isn’t even autistic kj this is just The Truth

hoh kj

she probably doesn’t go out that often without one of the paper girls with her. especially like with people outside of the group because she’s worried they’ll make fun of the fact she’s hoh.

that’s acc why she prefers to work on hell day as she would then have to stay in on halloween instead of going to parties with the chances of being in large crowds of loud people

she and mac (when they’re gfs ofc) learn how to sign ily to each other and do it before they go off on their separate ways on their newspaper rounds <333

OLD WATCH KJ EHEHEHEHEHE

she probably feels really odd and out of place at her parent’s funeral dude. she doesn’t even remember these two people, and they’re… her parents? that’s her mom and dad? but she doesn’t even remember them…

when they get back to their timeline i imagine she doesn’t want to at the beginning but mac tells her to try out for the hockey team again. at first she’s great, but then there’s an incident with a player on the opposite team. it’s nothing serious- it’s like any other game when one player accidentally shoves into the other in the heat of the competition. but kj stills. was she being violent? fuck she should never have done this.

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errygarcha · 1 year

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An off day ~ Trevor Zegras

a soft 767 word blurb of Trevor having an off day, but it all being okay when he comes home to his girlfriend. This is my first time writing on tumblr!

Trevor felt off before the game had even started. As a professional athlete, he was well aware of what he needed to do to disregard this feeling and get into the zone. However, when he got pushed on the ice during the first play, causing him to fall, this did little to settle his unease. Now this was something Trevor had experienced countless times before, however this time, it felt different.

The end of the game was drawing near, and Trevor was on the ice. The other team had the puck, and they were nearing the Ducks goal! Trevor skated as fast as he could towards the goal, but he wasn't fast enough. Luckily, the goalie was able to stop the puck from entering the neck, and the team didn’t score. However, the player with the puck did not stop skating, ramming right into the goalie, rocking him backwards, causing him to hit his head on the top of the net, and crumple to the ground.

Everyone knows, number one rule of hockey. Do not touch the other team's goalie. And of course, this just had to be the player who had knocked him down during the beginning of the game too. Fate just had a funny way of working out like that. Trevor rammed into this opposing player twice as hard as he was hit in the first play. He knew he was going to get a penalty, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to get home. Get out of this ice box and into the arms of the beautiful girl, waiting for him, probably in a soft, oversized Anaheim Ducks official sweatshirt. Now that would be a site. Eventually, the ref pulled him off of the unfortunate other player, and Trevor found himself in the penalty box. As he sat there, he stared at the ice, carefully paying attention to the game, but allowing his thoughts to shift ever so slightly from the game to the sight awaiting him when he got home.

~~~~

The drive home was painless, and Trevor could do it in his sleep. Before he knew it, he was parking his Orange Bronco and making his way up to his house. Now, the first sign should have been the fact that all the lights were out. However, maybe Olivia was in a back room, perhaps watching TV, maybe she was watching the game. Trevor entered alone. He still lived with Jamie, but Jamie was spending the night at his girlfriend's house. Something that meant that he and Olivia were about to have a wonderful time, just the two of them. And maybe they will. Just not yet.

Once Trevor opened the front door and heard the beep of the alarm system, he knew he was the only one there. Quickly he punched in the alarm code, effectively silencing the beeping. He shut the front door behind him, and walked towards the kitchen. Suddenly, it hit him. Tonight was Olivia’s cousin's 21st birthday, and Olivia went out to celebrate with her and some friends.

He was now standing in the kitchen, unsure of what to do. Olivia had told him earlier that he was more than welcome to join them at the bar they were at, if he was down for it, after his game. Trevor knew he shouldn’t feel like this, but he was a little annoyed she had not watched the game. His darling Olivia never missed a game, attending them the majority of the time, or if not, watching it at home. He knew that he wasn’t the center of her world and she led her own beautiful, strong willed life. But there was something about tonight that was just rubbing him the wrong way, leaving him jaded that she had not caught his game.

As if on cue, the door opened again. Trevor turned and saw her coming in the front door. His brown eyes met her glazed hazel ones, and a serene smile graced her lips. All 5 foot 2 of her was the picture of perfection, in trevors eyes. She was quick to toss her phone and clutch on the couch nearby, and make her way over to him. “I missed you, babe,” Olivia said, while wrapping her arms around his musculaur frame. He inhaled deeply. God her scent, it had the power to wash away all his woes of the day. Her arms, surrounding him and pulling him into a place of comfort. She was his home.

And just like that, Trevors off day turned into a beautiful night, in the arms of his love.

#trevor zegras #nhl #anaheim ducks #fanfic #blurb

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oribun · 8 months

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Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

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jensonsbuttons · 2 years

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on sports, family, sebastian vettel and familiarity.

for my entire life, i can always remember loving sports. racing? kind of. but it was more of idolizing my hometown teams: the st. louis cardinals and st. louis blues. my sports icons and heroes were the likes of stan "the man" musial, albert pujols, al macinnis, chris pronger, keith tkachuk. all athletes that i grew up watching and learning the games through them.

racing...see that was always more of a foreign concept to me, literally and figuratively. my father watches all kinds of motor sports all the time, his favorite series being f1 and indycar. the speed channel (r.i.p.) was always on so i'd always hear something of racing in the background.

he tried his best with me. indycar (or indy racing series as it was known) was most accessible. he took me to an indy race at the track not too far from our house when i was a kid. we always hosted a party for the indy 500 when i was a kid. all the adults would drink a beer on the first lap and the kids would get milk. and, of course, he would always tell me stories of the great michael schumacher, his favorite driver of all time, and i'd love to hear them.

but why would i need that guy when i have other athletes in my town? schumacher was an icon, legend, and great. but, he'd won all of his titles before i was 10. (yes i was 9 when he won his 7th but it still counts.) most of these other athletes i looked up to were mainly still in their prime and, once again, playing for my hometown. i'm not german nor italian so schumacher and ferrari seemed a little far fetched.

so, sure. racing was there but it wasn't at the forefront. i knew to root for michael schumacher and how cool he was. and trust me, i also thought it was cool when a real michael schumacher ferrari showed up at the end of Cars (2006). all in all, i knew the glory of ferrari and the schumacher name but i didn't really understand it.

then, one day, my dad starts raving about some kid named sebastian vettel. he's german. he's fast. he's got a little bite to him and he's going to be a star one day. maybe as good as schumacher, which was hard for my dad to believe.

now, once again, i'm still not into racing at this point but i like the name. sebastian vettel. don't know why i liked it so much but it just rolled. the years go by, michael retires for the first time, sebastian vettel wins his first race, and i still don't really care about racing. but i care about sebastian. i know to care about sebastian.

this wasn't against my will, just a reminder. my dad was genuinely trying to make a connection with me, which i appreciate. he really didn't know another way. he'd already taught me about hockey but i cared more about the sport than he did so we couldn't connect. he was still all in about racing and i wasn't. but i liked sebastian so i rooted for him.

years past again, sebastian vettel wins four titles in a row ("can you believe it? i knew the kid would be a great!") and then sebastian vettel signs for ferrari. my dad is thrilled. the world is thrilled. it sounds like a dream come true. even though i'm still not fully into any sort of racing, i'm even thrilled at the news. sounds like a match made in racing heaven.

throughout the years it remained the same. a race is on, i say go seb, life goes on. that is until canada 2019. that's right. this race changed things for me. f1 has, obviously, had it's fair share of scandals and other front page news. however, i was never in the room or truly present for it. this time was different.

the race starts out like usual. the race is on, i say go seb, life goes on. then, something happens. sebastian vettel's name is mentioned a lot. lewis hamilton's name is mentioned a lot. i tried, desperately, to make sense of what was going on but i had nothing. i knew nothing. all i knew was that something was up with sebastian vettel and potentially lewis hamilton. i watch as the action unfolds. sebastian switches the signs and my dad lets out a chuckle. he's not even believing it. but, he's smiling. and you know what? so i was i. before i even knew what was happening, before i knew how my dad reacted, i watched all of it going down and i was smirking.

i didn't know why i was so amused but that was it. that was the moment it took for me to actually start paying attention. it seemed that in that moment everything my dad had been telling me about this funky german guy had finally caught up. i understood why each week i kept cheering for seb. i understood why over the years we had been cheering for seb. it catapulted me into a new world that i had only been vaguely paying attention to for years and years.

i watched, thrilled for the first time about racing. but i tried to keep it to myself. i had done that for years, trying to downplay how excited i was for things like this since it usually got old quick for family and friends.

the season ended and i wasn't sure what to do. i had hockey so away i went back to my hometown team who had just won the prized stanley cup the past year. but i still wanted to know and learn about f1. i wanted to learn more about what the next season would bring. i wanted to learn.

fast foward to 2020. maybe in january or so, i'd seen a preview on netflix for a show called "drive to survive." i knew it was about f1 and since i wanted to go on this journey as well as have some way to say "hey! look! i like this sport too!" without going over the top, i introduced it to my family in march. we went through both seasons like no tomorrow. and you know what? my plan worked. i got to talk about f1 to my dad and i got to learn more about the sport.

but at the end of the day? at the end of two drama filled tv seasons? i still liked seb, as i'd now come to call him. i liked him more than any other driver on the grid for some reason i couldn't even explain at the moment. i was gutted when i was finally going to get to watch a full season of seb racing and get to pay attention to it and then it turned out no, i was not. obviously, we got back to racing and the rest is history.

now is that moment, though. now i can explain why i still liked him more than the others: he's familiar.

he's familiar to me. i think he's familiar to a lot of us. he's been on the grid for so long. abu dhabi 2022 will be his 300th race. the guy has won 4 world championships. he keeps popping up. think about it: when he had covid this season and missed races, so so many people were feeling off because seb wasn't there. now, maybe that's just my little corner i've backed myself into and it probably is because in this corner we're very seb-minded. however, there was at least a small ripple was genuinely felt throughout the f1 community. he is familiar.

this is not to say that other drivers aren't familiar. hell, lewis is one of, if not the most known and definitely the most experienced drivers on the grid. but, this is a personal essay so unfortunately while i know lewis, he isn't as familiar to me as seb is.

seb has been there in the background of a large majority of my life. i will learn what to do in the future when he isn't on the grid ever week and back to being in the background. however, today, it's a loss of familiarity. because, even if he has been in the background, he's still been there. he's still on the grid. it's not to say i won't have a driver to root for on the grid after seb leaves. but i won't have sebastian vettel. i won't have that familiarity.

it's hard to describe how much seb's familiarity means to me. that's why i'm typing all of this out. because, yes. it is different than just having that name repeated for years and years. i knew lewis. i knew daniel. both names rung a bell to me when i immersed myself in the f1 world. but neither one was familiar. they were recognizable, sure. but they didn't bring a feeling of "oh. yeah. it's seb." largely, i have my father to thank for that. he kept that familiarity going throughout the years.

we all have our own drivers that are familiar to ourselves. whether they've been on in the background for years or whether you just started to know them last month, they're familiar to you. and, when that familiarity is gone, you can't help but feel like something is missing. that's why it's familiar in the first place. sure, maybe i'm being overdramatic but, like i said, it's familiar. if i'm not mistaken (and i could be so please call me out) the origins of the word come from household, intimacy, family. so, yeah, it makes sense to grieve.

yes, i said grieve. like i said, it's a loss of someone familiar. so, if you're feeling like i am (down, sad, depressed, weird) that's normal. grief should be happening with a loss. it will probably continue to happen as people bring it up. grief is difficult to navigate so i hope you have someone or several someones to help you through this.

grief, though, also means we have to celebrate. the reason we grieve is because we love. we have to celebrate what he did in the sport and continues to do. seb is right. his marks will be left on track for a long, long time to come. lewis is right. seb left the sport better than he found it. that's something huge to celebrate.

i, personally, have to celebrate the fact that i have something to talk to my dad about. it's certainly helped patch some aspects of my relationship with him and i will never forget that. i will also never forget the people i've met because of seb. whether it be fans at races or online, i have to celebrate that bond.

overall, we have to celebrate who he is. he's a good guy whose passion for other's passions has certainly spread to all aspects of this sport. this sport that sometimes can be so dark, dirty even. but, then, you have someone like sebastian vettel, who has been described as sunshine himself, helping light the way for now and years to come. helping clean up when no one is watching. help be that familiar presence, giving you something to root for and a passion to care for. we have to celebrate the fact that he has done what he can and what he wants to do in the sport. and, we still have a few more months with him on the f1 grid so that is certainly something to celebrate.

if anything, we have to celebrate that he is leaving. because this is not the end of seb. far from it, i choose to think. he's reminded us himself: there is still a race to win.

#this is so long i'm so sorry but i needed to just kinda. type.#needed to just get it all out there #and i'm not sure if anyone will read it #if you do thanks for just clicking read more. if you don't thats okay too i'm not mad.#more of just a self reflection but really seriously genuinely it is long so call me crazy now #sebastian vettel #danke seb #my writing

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