#mandatory fuck you martin
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You can’t even overcome your fear now that your friend is about to die
#animationedit#atedit#atimers#finn mertens#martin mertens#ocean of fear#adventure time islands#original#*gifs#mandatory fuck you martin#out of the drafts#adventure time
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That girl Jude Bellingham x black female oc
Summary: You are one of the best female players in woman football. And for some odd a reason a certain Dortmund player had taken a liking into you.
Warnings: Swearing, and use of alcohol, and just Jude being Jude. Also for sake of this imagine Trent plays for Borussia Dortmund. And probably more things I cant think off the top of my head.
Excuse any errors
┊ ˚➶ ｡˚
It was a hot day in England to be exact it was about 28 degrees, you could not spot a single cloud in the sky it was as clear as day. The sun was the only thing out today.
Along with the female and male England teams they unfortunately had to train on this beautiful note the sarcasm. They were on separate grounds the men on the other and the woman on the other.
Simply just doing drills and works out as the men had a game approaching this week which meant the ladies had to attend it was mandatory.
“Girls are you mucking around? You’re meant to be working on your kicking skills. Especially you Gretchen.” Coach Martin pointed her out and she went a bright shade of red. He was wrong for that.
But hey that was Coach Martin for you he didn’t care who he offends or humiliates. He was honest and like it or not that’s who he is. The whole team have all came to the conclusion that’s who he is as a person.
He was so nonchalant to everyone including his wife. I think the only time he actually cracked a smile and let himself loose was when the woman had won their World Cup.
“Oh then you come fashionably late l/n. Maybe you can teach these girls how to kick a fucking football!” He seethed throwing his clipboard to ground and he stormed off the field to where the men were gawking in disbelief.
You on the other hand, had just arrived and were beyond perplexed on why he was so grouchy in the morning. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
“What did you guys do to piss him off.” You sighed crossing your arms. You were the youngest in the ground yet you felt like the oldest.
“Nothing just practicing our kicking and he just flipped.” Gretchen sighed rubbing her face now recovered from being called out.
You raised a eyebrow.” I get what he means though. You’re lazy Gretchen.” She said making the men gasp and some say ‘oh shít’.
“E-Excuse me.”
“You heard me you kick like a pre-schooler and lack putting in effort when performing. I know we’re better and bigger than that. That goes for all of you we can’t be slacking off just because we won a cup.
It doesn’t mean anything it’s a new which means we have to try harder for another 4 years. Understood. Now let’s started.” You explained and they all nodded in agreement paring up with somebody to pass the ball back and forth.
A speaker was on, Burna boy was playing on the speakers some of the girls were dancing and the others were chatting while actually doing what they were told.
It was not surprising as they had respected their captain you and could never disagree with what she says due to her always knowing what’s best for their team.
“I wonder why Coach M was so mad at them they seem to be kicking efficiently.” Trent analysed joining Jude who was on his break watching the girls train. Not in a creepy way.
“I agree. Who is she.” Jude didn’t tear his eyes off you as you laughed handling the ball with so much skill and it was effortlessly too.
“Who?”
“Number 9.”
Trent furrowed his eyebrows, but once his eyes landed on you he smiled and waved at you and you blew him a kiss jokingly making him laugh.
“That’s Y/n L/n. Their captain. She’s a damn beast on the field you should see her.” Trent ranted amazed by your work.
“What’s so good about her.” Jude shifted uncomfortably not liking how doe eyed Trent looked at you.
“She has won countless medals and not to mention she’s the captain of her team at only 19 like you it’s incredible.”
“Oh yeah well how do you know her?” Jude couldn’t help but question. Trent then began explaining that your sister was dating one of his brothers. Tyler.
And you guys stood together at the wedding of one of his cousin wedding. Ever since then you made it your duty to tease him. Partially because you use to have a crush on Trent, but the crush faded as soon as you saw his dance moves that night.
It shocked you that someone that was mixed with Caribbean had no rhythm at all. Stiff as a board.
“Well she seems cool.” Jude expressed as he kicked down on the grass with his boots. Trent stared at him funny. There was no way…
“Do you fancy her?”
“No?!”
Trend rolled his eyes at how defensive Jude became it obviously meant that he found her some what attractive . Yet he couldn’t blame him. You were a sight for sore eyes.
“I’m just going to put this out there if you choose to pursue her, you’re not going to be 100% successful. She’s a tough one. Wants her eggs cracked.” Trent tried explaining but all Jude could see was love-hearts.
He wanted to get to know her, heck if he had known about her earlier he probably would’ve shot his shot.
You pivoted your right foot so that the ball had hit the inner side of your boot and boom the ball had went into the goal square.
Your team cheered as you run around the field screaming they had jumped on you which made you tumble down. However when down your eyes landed on a familiar pair of brown ones and they twinkled with delight.
You felt like you were in trance with this stranger and for whatever your eyes couldn't seem to drift away only until your teammates had carried you away to the locker-room and you loss sight of him in the crowd.
''Jude.'' Trent spoke a wide shit eating grin on his face he could beyond a doubt see that this youngin was already plotting your whole life together. That's how Jude was.
He falls in love to quick and believes in love at first sight. This is how he always tends to end up broken heart as he dates the first girl he sees.
''BOYS WE'RE RESUMING ARNOLD, BELLINGHAM!''
┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊
Your point of view
Time had now passed and the girls were done with their practice most were showering and others were chatting getting ready to leave. You stood against the wall typing mindlessly on your phone to your younger brother who was claiming there was no food at home.
Which was a lie because your mother always cooked at home for your father however your brother wasn't interested and only wanted fast food. So being the good old sister you were you would always buy him something when you could.
Lori, your teammate and best friend had came over and bit into you shoulder causing you gasp and flip around while she laughs toppling over.
"Girl you're weird as fuck you can't be doing that shit.'' You berated clutching your shoulder as she smiled goofily. She was always doing strange things to make her presence known.
She simply shrugged ignoring your statement.'' Who are you texting.'' She peers over your shoulder and scrunches up her face, when she sees your brothers name on the screen.
''Not that little brat.'' Her and your brother didn't exactly get along as he had a attitude problem according to her which wasn't exactly false.
''Not too much Lori. How are you beefing with a 16 almost 17 year old and you hanging onto 20.''
''That boy's a menace don't even.'' She waved you off for defending your brother and eyed Emily's arse as she walked by which made you roll your eyes at how she was not being subtle at all.
''Anyways, I saw Mr Bellingham eying you earlier on the pitch what's up with that huh.'' She nudged you knowingly as if you knew what on earth she was going on about.
''Who the hell is that? And piss off would you.'' You scoffed pushing her away to stop her hassle.
Lori's face had dropped there was no way you didn't know who Jude was he was all over tik tok and Instagram you name it. He was everywhere and for you not know who he was astounding.
Most 13-17 year old girls would be shaking their head at your lack of knowledge.
''Are you bloody serious? Number 22 that guy that was gawking at you that's Jude Bellingham.'' She stares at you alarmed at how un phased you were that he even glanced your way.
Quite frankly you weren't interested as the last thing on your mind was a boyfriend you already were one step ahead of Lori. She was probably already jotting down ideas on how to purposely make you two bump into each other.
''oh that's cool.'' You go back to texting your brother laughing at the text he sent you. Unaware of how badly she was glaring you down.
''I hate you sometimes you know that.''
'' I know.'' You chimed and began walking off to shower.
" You know he's feeling you!" She yelled out not caring who heard she just wanted to get her message across.
"NO HE'S NOT NOT!''
┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊
LATER ON THAT NIGHT
While on your drive back home after spending some time with the girls, the traffic to your house was absolutely bizarre. Especially at this time of the night since it was around 8pm you didn’t expect that much people to be out and about.
Sighing, you knew the best thing that you could was scroll on your phone to by some time. Adjusting your seat, you went on Instagram catching up on everything you had missed due to being a practice. Eh it was same same.
Insta models, DMS being flooded with messages from random people most positive but some could be quite nasty.
For some reason a random cloud had propped over you and it was encouraging to scroll through this Jude Bellinghams page.
So you did. Oh he took some nice photos. Mainly about football not really into posting his social life. That’s great.
Accept why were you stalking his page if you weren’t interested. You mentally scolded yourself and hopped off his profile going to something else.
You will give it to Lori though, he is quite majestic and definitely does have the looks. But of course you would never admit that out loud.
“Finally, you’re here.” Your brother exaggerated dashing up from the living room. He didn’t even greet you, he just finessed the bag of Maccas from you.
Your mother scolded him and he just hummed.
“Tobias.” She tutted him as he just took a bite of the burger and his eyes widened.” OH- thanks Y/n!”
You waved him off with a tired smile and just collapsed on the couch next to your mother who was knitting.
“Hey mama.”
“Hey sweetie. How was practice?” She never tore her eyes off her thread. It still marvelled you at how she threaded so efficiently even though she was approaching her late 40s.
''Practice was the same. Accept the girls were taking it lightly as they won a championship.'' You voiced your frustration making your mother tut her head.
''You're being so hard on them Y/N let then relax its only been 2 weeks. Lay off.'' Your mother insists knowing how uptight you could be fun was not in your vocabulary. Only when you were intoxicated which you'll see what I mean eventually.
''I agree stop being a tight arseeeee Y/NNNNN.'' Tobias sung getting all in your face causing you to shove him away and he falls backwards making your father let out a belly full laugh.
Tobias groans in agony getting from the ground clutching the back of his head, a grimace on his face.'' You're so damn aggressive.''
''Karmas a bitch ain't it huh.''
'' Y/N language.'' Your father reminded you.
''See this is why you don't have a boyfriend.''
The smirk had dropped from you face quicker than a ice cream on a hot day. You stood up from the couch and began tying your hair up. Sure your brother was almost a whole foot taller than you and had longer legs.
But you could take him down any day with your strength. He'll always be little bro, and respectfully he's gonna learn today.
''Y/N IM SORRY-"'
He screamed out and began running like a mad man you followed his lead.
"Whatever you do don't kill our son Y/N!''
┊ ˚➶ ｡˚
Authors note: And just like that I have published another imagine this has been sitting here for awhile so I am glad its out there. I hope you all liked it!🤎
#jude bellingham x reader#jude Bellingham imagine#jude bellingham#fluff#football imagines#jude bellingham fluff#black girl reader#black female oc
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Lance Stroll (Aston Martin) - Stay Away Part 4
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Lance sat in the race briefing, thinking about Y/n and George. They looked quite happy and it bothered Lance a bit. He couldn't focus at all, all this over Lando's sister. He couldn't comprehend how the two could be related. One was so nice to him, the other barely spoke to him. These thoughts continued up until the start of the race. Lance stood preparing, still understanding what was happening. "Hey Lance." Lance groaned and continued putting on his helmet as he heard th e annoying British voice. As Lando approached, he knew Lance wasn't going to talk so why not provoke him? "What's the matter?" Lando asked, knowing fully well what was happening. "Can you just leave me please? I have to get ready for the race." Lando laughed and got a bit closer to Lance. "I see you came to your senses that you weren't good enough for her then." Lance looked between his Aston Martin and Lando's McLaren right behind. "As if, look who's qualified ahead." Lando grumbled in response. He didn't like seeing Lance's racing green Aston Martin right ahead of his papaya orange McLaren. "Won't last long, don't get points for qualifying." Lando smirked. "With the mood I'm in you'll be lucky if you even get points." Lando clenched his jaw tight and walked off, prepared himself. He was going to out race Lance, no matter what it took.
"Fuck!" Lance screamed as he turned his radio off. He swore and hit the steering wheel before he removed it and hopped out. He was doing well up until turn 1,he managed to gain two positions but then a Mercedes hit him from behind. He didn't speak in the medical car and he barely spoke in the medical centre as they ran their mandatory checks. His head was checked as well as the rest of his body but main priority was his head and neck. He was cleared and so he stood up and walked out the door to the medical centre. He looked in front of him to see the familiar face of Y/n sitting right outside. "Oh thank god you're okay." Y/n said as she took notice of the door opening.
"What are you doing here?" Lance asked as Y/n stood up. "Making sure you were okay. Lando isn't here to stop me now so I can do what I want really." She pulled him into a hug, before he slowly wrapped his arms around her to return the hug. Lance's lips curled into a light-hearted smile before the pair walked off together. "It's nice outside, isn't it?" Y/n asked. Lance looked up at the sky and saw that there were no clouds at all. "Yeah, looks nice." He replied. She looked over at Lance and knew he was still bummed out about being crashed out in turn 1,which is completely understandable. She just wanted to get his mind off it for a bit. They were silent for a while, Lance spoke up first.
"You aren't going to ask about what happened?" Y/n shook her head. "Nope. One thing you don't ask a driver is about their race if they dnf. Lando told me that." So Lando can be right sometimes Lance thought. "He's right to be honest. No one likes being asked about bad things." She continued to walk with him as they walked out into the paddock, the sky sports cameras following them both. Lance tended to his media duties while Y/n sat watching Lando racing.
Lance stood at the McLaren hospitality, wondering whether ror not he should aks someone to go get Y/n but thankfully, she already saw him. "Finished now?" Lance nodded. "Let's go get some food or something then. Don't really want to stay here." Lance and Y/n spoke about anything and everything on the way to a small cafe just in the small town nearby the track. They sat down, yet again talking about anything and everything. Y/n's phone rang, Lanods name popping up. "Give me one second." She told Lance. "Yeah? What's up?" she asked Lando. "Why aren't you here?" Lando asked. "I'm not in the mood to get sprayed by champagne, Lando. I'm in tb e mood for a coffee." She said. "So you're not coming to my podium?" Lando asked through the phone. Y/n looked back to Lance and smiled. "No, too busy at the moment Lando."
"Too busy for your own brother?" he asked jokingly. "Yeah, too busy." Lando was quiet for a minute. He was thinking. "Who are you with?"
"Guess."
"Charlotte said she saw you walk out the paddock with Lance, it better not be true. I'll disown you."
"Disown me then. Y/n Stroll sounds better anyway." Y/n replied cheekily, driving Lando absolutely insane. "Don't you dare hang up! Get back for my podium!" He demanded. "Sorry Lando!" and with that, Y/n hung up and put her phone away. She looked over to Lance and saw him smirking at her. "What?" she asked. "Y/n Stroll does have a nice ring to it." Lance chuckled as he swirled the teaspoon around the cup of coffee. "Yeah well, I-"
"Not your name yet." Lance joked, sipping on his drink. "Yeah, yet. Still got some time to go until then, ey Lancelot?" Lance took her hand into his from across the table. "Lots of time. Can't wait to spend it with you."
"So, how are we feeling then?" Lance asked Y/n as they lay in bed together. "I like the name a lot." She giggled as Lance lifted her hand up and stretching her finngers out to show off her ring. "I like the name too. It suits you." Y/n smiled and cuddled into Lance. "Much better than Norris." Lance kissed her hair and agreed. "Y/n Stroll,
My wife."
#lance stroll x you#lance stroll x reader#lance stroll x y/n#lance stroll#f1 oneshots#f1 oneshot#f1 blurb#f1 imagine
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9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know You Better
First of all, thank you Mickey (@thisautistic) for tagging me <3. Super thrilled that you thought of me for this!!
Now...
3 Ships You Like
1. Kimchay (Kinnporsche)
My babies. I want to protect them both. They're precious and perfect to be put in situations. A force strong enough to have me cooking a longfic after years of not writing a single one. Do I need to same more?? Absolutely obsessed 💜💜💜.
2. Pangwave (The Gifted)
Obligatory mention to my special little ADHD x Autism duo. Don't even arue that they're not canon, if you think that it's bc you missed very significant subtext, I suggest you rewatch this series. Pls and thank you. I will NOT take any criticism.
3. Sandray (Only Friends)
I knew from their 1st sex scene that I was down bad but their trailer sex scene just completely rewired my brain. Is their dynamic fucked up? Yes. Will they hurt each other along the way? Absolutely. But they're on their path to something better and I believe in them. Bc if Ray is deserving of love even after everything that went down then so are all of us. And there's that.
First Ship Ever
Larry Stylinson! (from One Direction)
Straight back from when I was 13, going strong! kskskskssksk I'm not so much there actively in the fandom anymore, but know that I'm there in spirit. sksksksksks Could never abandon the reason for so much change in my life! Good memories!!
Last Song Heard
Nooit Meer Spijt by S10
It's such a good song! I'm not Dutch or Dutch-adjacent but I was introduced to S10 by a friend of mine who's Belgian and I fell in love with her music ever since!
Favorite Childhood Book
A Fada Oriana (The Fairy Oriana) by Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen.
It's about a fairy named Oriana that has to take care of a forest but one day, while looking at the river, meets a fish who talks her into neglecting the forest, which causes a lot of trouble. Then, Oriana, has to learn how to repair the damage she made.
It's a book about responsibility, consequeses, the importance of individual action and learning from one's mistakes.
Currently Reading
Património Cultural: Realidade Viva (Cultural Patrimony: Live Reality) by Guilherme d'Oliveira Martins.
It's a book about the preservation of patrimony in Portugal under the context of belonging in the European Union in the 21st century.
It's not a very interesting book nor scientific, just a summary of Portuguese and European laws for people who don't wanna read the laws (?). I wouldn't read it on my own but it's a mandatory read for one of my classes in my Master's so I gotta ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Currently Watching
23.5
I didn't know if I was going to but since GMM seems to be finally trying out more for the GLs, I feel like I need to show my support in this direction so I made the moral choice of watching as it airs to make it clear to them the audience for this is here and we want more of it!
So far ep.1 was super cliché and silly but I liked it a lot!! I want all the clichés for the girls too! Tired of seeing queer women suffer and die on screen...
2. 3 Will Be Free
It had been sitting on my watchlist for a while but I never gotten around to it for some reason... Nevertheless, my latest Wheel Decide™ for what to watch next landed on it, so... I'm watching it now!
2 episodes in only but I'm loving it a lot!! The plot's super interesting so far, really like the way they're going about it. Let's see where it goes!!
Currently Consuming
I'm gonna opt to mention the game I'm currently playing (besides Bloons TD 6, but I'm always playing Bloons, so... not news), which is Heaven's Vault by Inkle!
It's an extremely niche game, focused on figuring out an ancient language and, with it, the history of the world it's set in. It envolves robots, space travelling, discussions on xenophobia and religious intolerence and a lot more. I haven't finished yet but I'm loving the experience so far!
I understand it's not for everyone but I'm loving it!! <3 (not a Mickey D's reference, fuck Mickey D's)
Currently Craving
You know, I could go with bibimbap bc I really want some rn but I'm gonna go a bit deeper and say: after the terribleness of my last 2 relationships, all I really want is one that's not enirely chatastrophic. kskssksksksk That'd be pretty neat. kssksksk
So yeah... This was a lot of fun, actually!! I love to share stuff about media I like!!
Tagging @jukain4216 @lost-my-sanity1 @anthrotmnt @shannankle @defomin @aiyui @fiddlepickdouglas @tinysandwichstudent @sicknsadsicknrad @itsamzz28 @whomanist and any other of my lovely moots that hasn't directly been tagged but comes accross this <3.
All the love! 💜💜💜
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I’m only halfway through season 2 but is it going to stop me from writing self-indulgent Jon/Elias fanfiction? No. No it isn’t.
(Okay, the Jon/Elias is only implied, but whatcha gonna do. And it’s a pre-series 1 office christmas party, because the idea of the Magnus Institute throwing an office party is simply delightful)
(also on ao3)
As soon as he sinks behind his desk, Jon breathes a sigh of relief. It hasn’t been his desk for long of course, and it’s a bit presumptuous to already feel like he belongs here; but the Archives are blessedly quiet and calm, away from the noise and too-bright lights. The pressure behind his eyes lessens somewhat. He will have to go back to the party eventually; he is not foolish enough to believe that his absence can go unnoticed for long. Networking is, after all, as important in academia as it is anywhere else. Unfortunately. But he just needs a few moments to collect himself.
And, since he’s already here, he might as well get some work done.
A sharp knock on the door snaps him back to reality. It has been—no, it couldn’t have been that long. He looks down at the cluster of papers before him, and the half-empty glass of wine he had snatched from the party before heading downstairs. The ancient cassette recorder is right there, humming, waiting. He doesn’t remember turning it on.
Another knock. Jon flinches.
“Come in!” he calls out.
It’s—fuck. It’s Elias. Looking distinctly out of place in his crisp, perfectly tailored three-piece suit, next to the overflowing shelves, dusty boxes and the overall clutter.
“Jon,” Elias says. His tone is mild, but the disapproval no less obvious for it. “You do realize what “mandatory” means, do you?”
“Yes, of course—”
“And that “hiding in the corner for five minutes before running away” isn’t the same as “attending a party”?”
“It was more than five minutes,” Jon says, stupidly, and then sighs. “I—I apologize. I have a bit of a headache.”
“Ah,” Elias says. “Could it be because you’re working too much, do you think?”
Jon looks down at his desk, the half-finished statement, and the tape recorder. Belatedly, he presses a button and turns it off. The sudden absence of its sound is strange and wrong, somehow.
“Uh. I’m.”
It’s the stress. It must be. He is – not entirely unqualified for the job, but most certainly inexperienced. And everyone can see it. His own assistants can see it. Even Martin can see it.
There’s a sudden pressure on his shoulder. He freezes, breath catching in his chest, his heartbeat drumming loud—but the weight is still there. Not dragging him down, exactly, but grounding him in place. Warm. Almost—pleasant.
He looks up. Elias is much closer than he was before, staring down at Jon with an inscrutable expression on his face. His hand stays where it is, fingers curled ever so slightly inwards, pressing into the muscles of Jon’s shoulder through the cheap jacket and even cheaper shirt.
“Are you alright?” Elias asks.
He is way too close, half-sitting on Jon’s desk. Jon cannot really move without dislodging his arm, and with every shallow breath, he gets a lungful of Elias’s expensive cologne. It’s all a bit—well.
“Yes,” Jon says. “Perfectly fine.”
It’s disconcerting, is what it is, to be a subject of this level of scrutiny. He can’t remember if Elias used to watch him just as closely during the job interview and the scarce few conversations they have shared since. Or maybe it’s just his own mind playing tricks on him, and he really has been working too much, or drunk too much, and now he’s seeing what isn’t really there.
Which doesn’t bode well for his career at the Institute, at any rate.
“The new position is—something of an adjustment,” Jon says, and then hurries to add: “I’m grateful, of course, for the opportunity, but. It’s a bit daunting nonetheless.” Oh no, now Elias may think he is terrified and incapable and lacking—“I think I just need a while to adjust. But I can handle it. I’m sure of that.”
Elias, bless him, doesn’t point out the obvious lie. He just continues to watch.
“Admittedly, social gatherings aren’t my forte,” Jon says – wondering, belatedly, if discussing his shortcomings with his boss is the smartest possible move. But Elias knew that about him, didn’t he? He must have. Jon was never very good at hiding his anti-social tendencies. Honestly, he seldom ever tries.
Elias smiles. “Yes, that much is apparent,” he says. “I would still appreciate it if you came back upstairs.”
“Of course,” Jon says. “I was—I was just about to go.”
Another lie that Elias either misses, or chooses to ignore. His hold on Jon’s shoulder loosens, and Jon takes in a deeper breath – only for it to catch in his throat, in a startled gasp, when he feels a brush of fingers against his cheek, his forehead, pushing away a stray strand of hair that’s fallen onto his glasses.
Is this normal? His mind races, trying to come up with a possible explanation, possible excuse. It’s slightly inappropriate, maybe, the featherlight brush of skin, Elias’s watchful gaze, the way he sits there, perfectly composed, in between Jon and the way out. He should perhaps be worried, except—there really is nothing to be worried about. What is he going to do, file a complaint with HR? Tell them—what? That Elias was doing—what?
He isn’t even touching Jon anymore. Jon drops his gaze, inconveniently caught at the hollow of the man’s throat, just above the crisp collar of his shirt. He tries to think, but is coming up short. And—damn it all, he just wants to see what Elias does next. Maybe it will shine some light on his motivations. Maybe Jon is just too curious for his own good, and should have said or done something by now. Except it’s unfamiliar, it’s all achingly strange and unfamiliar, and Elias seems to always know what he’s doing, and Jon will admit that there’s a certain appeal to that.
So he looks up, and waits. For a touch, or cold dismissal, for a question or a statement or for Elias to leave without another word – he just—he wants to know what Elias does next. He doesn’t know, and he thinks he’d quite like to find out…
“Um, Jon? Are you—whoa!”
Martin stumbles into the room. Because of course he does, nearly falling on his face as he does so.
“Jesus, Martin!” Jon says, irritably. “Can’t you knock?”
“Sorry,” Martin says. He straightens, somewhat sheepish, and adjusts his glasses. “I, um. I didn’t mean to interrupt?”
It’s a perfectly innocent statement. Probably. There’s absolutely no reason for Jon to flush, or push himself back in his chair, putting more distance between himself and Elias. Not that—not that he needs to do that, of course. They were just talking.
Elias raises to his feet, perfectly smooth and unruffled, and smiles politely at them both.
“That’s all right, Martin,” he says. He’s not looking at Jon anymore, which is a good thing. It is. Jon can breathe a little easier without the weight of his gaze. “I came down here to fetch our wayward Archivist. Has something happened upstairs?”
“No! No. The party is—it’s a great party,” Martin stammers out. “I just—Jon disappeared, and I wanted to find him. Make sure he’s okay, I mean.”
“I’m fine, Martin,” Jon says, through gritted teeth. His nice, quiet office is getting way too crowded, and it’s stupidly hard to think when he can still smell Elias’s cologne. “You can go back now.”
“Right,” Martin says. He makes no move to leave – his eyes are still darting between Jon and Elias, as if he had caught them doing something untoward. Which he hasn’t. And that makes this behaviour even more ridiculous.
“We all should,” Elias says. “After you, Jon.”
He rests his hand on Jon’s shoulder; it takes conscious effort to suppress a full-body shiver at the simple, casual touch. It means nothing, and what does it say about Jon that even this is enough to throw him off-kilter?
“Right,” he says. The rasp of his voice sounds strange to his own ears; his mouth has gone dry all of a sudden, and he picks up his glass and drinks the rest of the wine before he can think any better of it. Before he remembers that both Martin and Elias are staring at him now, Martin with his usual flustered expression, Elias with wry amusement. “Let’s go, then.”
Elias engages Martin in polite small talk on their way back, but Jon can’t bring himself to participate. He still can’t really make sense of what happened, if he should be scared or upset, or if he’s reading too much into a perfectly ordinary conversation between a boss and his employee. During a mandatory office not-Christmas party. With everyone already slightly tipsy, and louder, and more tactile than usual. Which would explain Elias’s earlier behaviour.
Besides – and Jon smiles grimly at his own thoughts – even if he went to HR, it’s not like anyone would believe him, right? Elias is. Well. Well-dressed, sociable, polite, and rather annoyingly attractive. Jon is none of these things. Even if Elias were to compromise his own well-earned position by fraternizing with an employee, Jon would be the last one on that list. Hell, even Martin might be a more likely candidate – stammering and forgetfulness aside, he does have a nice, warm smile, pretty blue eyes and a rather fetching scattering of freckles across his cheeks—
“Jon!” Sasha and Tim grab him by the arms as soon as he enters the crowded conference room.
“Hey—” he yelps, as they drag him away, towards the buffet. “What are you doing?”
“Keeping an eye on you,” Sasha says, and flicks his nose with her fingers, as if he were a misbehaving child, and not her boss. He is tempted to yell at her, but her expression softens, the playful tone of her voice giving way to genuine concern. “We were worried about you.”
“Mostly Martin,” Tim says, with a wide smile and a suggestive wink in Sasha’s direction. Jon isn’t even going to try and understand that gesture.
It is still too loud and too crowded. And Elias disappears, of course, whisked away by the Head of Research. Jon would love nothing more than to listen in – it’s always a pleasure to listen to Elias, whose knowledge of the paranormal is unparalleled – but it seems to be a boring discussion about funding. And also it’d be a bit pathetic and, well, creepy.
“Still with us, Jon?” Sasha asks.
“Yes,” Jon says. “Yes, I am.”
It is loud, and crowded, and he can’t help but think of his cold, empty flat… and, yeah. Maybe it’s not so bad here, with Sasha and Tim and even Martin. Maybe he can have another drink, and a casual chat with his assistants, and pretend, for one evening at least, that he is exactly where he needs to be.
#the magnus archives#jonelias#jonathan sims#elias bouchard#it's a workplace comedy you cannot convince me otherwise
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magnus archives au where instead of peter lukas in s4 its simon fairchild. also au where one of the srvhives crew takes the place of helen richardsonand becomes the distortian at the same time in canon. (apologies if i misunderstood the way this works lol) :)
Okay first, let’s do Peter swaps with Simon:
Simon lost a bet with Elias and that’s why he has to take over the institute. He does *not* want to. This stuff is super boring.
Which is why, when he makes Martin his assistant, Martin basically gets full control of the institute as the new boss. Everyone gets raises and better life insurance that includes clauses for if you’ve been eaten by the sky, etc.
Simon doesn’t give two fucks about a new fear so he kinda just slaps the files down on Martin’s desk and is done with it. Since Martin isn’t being pushed into the lonely, he shares this info with Jon, who awkwardly suggests they should review it over at this nice cafe he found. (Supernatural coffee date!)
Simon still causes problems ofc but he’s not interested in whatever stupid agenda Elias has. He buys a new building for the institute that’s a skyscraper and forces everyone to work on the top floor. It has one of those pools that’s got a clear glass bottom that extends past the building. Also mandatory team building exercises that are skydiving.
Elias is going mad trying to manipulate Peter into doing something that will force Jon to confront him. Peter is away at sea and definitely ignoring Elias’s calls.
Bonus: turns out the skyscraper thing is convenient because when other entities/avatars attack Helen likes making doors that lead to the outside. Of the 70th floor.
Someone else becomes The Distortion:
Michael took Helen still, but Tim was being sus about Jon and started looking into the whole “Michael” thing. This ended with him being eaten by a yellow door sometime late Season 2.
Tim hasn’t come into work for a few weeks. Jon thinks maybe he quit or maybe he’s plotting to murder them all. Martin is worried until he goes into the tunnels to try and help Jon run away from the Not-Them, is eaten by a door, and finds Tim again! Yay Tim’s alive!
Meanwhile Elias is acting like he knows what’s going on but in fact he is very confused. Where is Tim? How has he been avoiding work without getting sick? Did he manage to quit? Was he eaten by a clown doll? He would’ve pieced it together after Martin sobs saying he found Tim in the hallways but they didn’t escape together except Jon convinced Martin to keep quiet. He has his suspicions. Also Elias doesn’t care that much.
Tim becomes the Distortion because he’s so mad that *someone else* gets to kill Jon. Really it’s just exchanging one homicidal persona for another, but Tim isn’t planning on killing Jon immediately so it works out.
Tim returns to work at the archives. No one mentions his time away. Elias is really confused but whenever he asks Tim just gaslights him and is all “what time away? Are you sure you’re okay boss?”
Bonus: Elias finally figures it out when Tim returns with Martin after the whole circus fiasco. Tim: hello boss Elias: aren’t you supposed to be dead
#when the world ends Tim doesn’t even bother offering to transport Martin across the hellscape#he is broody the entire time#he shows up just to make fun of Jon#tma#tma aus#5 headcanons ask game#Thank you for sending in aus!!!!!! <3#sorry it is slightly crack-ish but I think fucking with Elias is really funny#also Simon is a funny old murder man#the magnus archives#TMA spoilers#Simon makes Martin his assistant because he thinks he’s funny#kori stuffs
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hello tumblr user dateamonster!! do you have any recommendations for good zombie media? my gf rlly likes zombies but has burned through a lot of the good stuff to be easily found. movies shows anime games etc, anything goes. ty!
oof good question but one im not sure im totally qualified to answer since most of the zombie media i consume is on the campier, sillier side.
i do have some somewhat more Serious zombos i enjoy tho!
the girl with all the gifts is one of my alltime favs (and ive heard the book is good too tho i havent read it) it hits a lot of the beats zombie fans will probably already be familiar with but the main character being a sort of half-zombie (makes more sense in context trust me) as well as a child born into this apocalyptic setting creates a totally new perspective and to me is one of the strongest most thoughtful pieces of work to come out of this sorta subgenre in a long time
the resident evil game series is probably a given. on the off chance she hasnt played it or watched a playthrough, that shits mandatory.
z-nation i think kinda tippytoes the line between stuff fans of, for example, the walking dead will recognize and enjoy in terms of ya know a story focusing more on the interpersonal drama of a group of survivors living through an ongoing apocalypse, and the sillier doesnt-take-itself-too-seriously stuff i personally enjoy, like the ongoing bit where theres just a big ball of entangled zombies rolling across the scenery. its the delicious junk food of tv zombies (though granted ive only watched i think the first few seasons when it was playing nonstop on syfy)
and if you want to join me in enjoying only thee most quality campy schlock..
zombieland saga! literally one of my favorite anime ever! i consider it in this sort of less serious category because the concept of undead idol girls is obviously pretty ridiculous on paper and not gonna be everyones thing, but if the premise even remotely intrigues you, please give it a shot. the story is fun, the characters are loveable and surprisingly complex beneath the typical moe girl archtype exteriors, the humor is on point but doesnt undermine the actually pretty effective emotional moments, and the music fucks! we stan!
z-o-m-b-i-e-s is like c-tier early 2000s dcom realness with a 2018 budget, better choreography, worse songs, questionable moral messaging, all reeking with a dangerous level of green hair dye and party city greasepaint fumes. ive watched it like four times. i cant totally explain it but its got like nostalgic high school musical vibes except more paranormal and much much sillier. dares to ask the question: can cheerleading end all prejudice and bring about world peace? (the answer is yes but theyll be repeating that question for three movies)
zombie prom. very similar to the above in general vibe except the music is honestly kind of good? theres a stage play and a movie which is more or less just a slightly shortened version. in a lot of ways it honestly feels like the fully realized version of z-o-m-b-i-e-s. if you watch the movie ru paul is there, whether thats an incentive or disincentive.
and to wrap it up another game you probably already know about, lollipop chainsaw. yes its problematic but i am honoring my past teenage self who averted their gaze when they walked by it on the shelves in gamestop by saying tara strong sexy cheerleader zombie slayer game is fun and good.
anyway all this to say my taste is very questionable when it comes to this subgenre but i hope u get something out of it. a lot of zombie stories kinda flop for me because the horror element gets watered down into this more actiony survive the zombo apocalypse type thing but the concept of zombies is definitely something that interests me despite this and there are definitely some good pieces of zombie media out there.
oh! and i havent read it yet, but ive heard really promising things about the book manhunt by gretchen felker-martin. not explicitly a zombie story i dont think but draws from the same place for sure. would be worth checking out i think.
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Chime of the clock - Smile Score
All of my fics and my whole page is 18+ only, if you are a child leave. I deserve a safe space to express myself, all blogs under 18 or no age will be blocked. Let me enjoy my experience safely on the internet, thank you.
Word count: 724
Warnings: sleepy Jake, cuddles, fluff
You and Jake had slowly started becoming friends over this mandatory shelter in place, at first you had just went to his house cause he was the closets to your age, and he was funny as fuck when you had met him so you didn't mind.
Jake had constantly tried to hit on you when you had stayed the night at his house. He had promised that he didn't mean any harm by it, and that he's just trying to make you feel like part of the house although you didn't have an issue settling in as Jake was very kind and friendly.
The man would do this cute little smile all the time, even when he was sleeping, it was adorable and hilarious. So when scrolling through tiktok, you see the smile score filter, you knew what you had to do.
"Heya guys, chippy here, sorry it's so quiet but we are gonna test Jake's resting face, he's asleep." You turn the camera onto him, showing his face, scoring in at a solid 45%. You try and muffle your laugh bit that only makes it louder and wakes the sleeping man. "Oh shit I woke up sonic, I GOTTA RUN FOR IT!" You launch off the bed and dart out if the room, Jake following with a very confused face, the smile score now showing a 20% you laugh even more.
"What are you doing chippy?" His voice was thick from sleep and his eyes were bleary. You smile at him, now out of the camera shot with it pointed at him.
"I chugged 4 red bulls and I seen this really funny filter and had to try it on you. (Don't drink more than one red bull in a sitting, children)" you cautioned the undoubtable amount of people that will watch famous Nascar racer Jake Martin. At the mention of 4 chugged red bulls, and seeing the cans, his eyes going wide and his face pulling in disbelief, and freight. "No," he says in exasperation and concern.
"Bro what the fuck, you drank those?!" The video cuts out just as Jake's face turns to disgust.
"They are tasty, red bull are good Jake!!"
Jake had gone back to bed after the little scene earlier, but you don't think he truly went to sleep, especially given the sounds coming from his room. He was clearly watching tiktoks instead, and there wasn't anything wrong with that, but normally when you were both awake and watching tiktoks you cuddled. Trying not to be pouty you walk to his door and knock a little.
When Jake gave the go ahead, you open the door to see him on his bed with his camera pointing at you.
"Aww no, chippy, you're at 0%, you aren't happy, baby?" You shake your head in protest. "Babe, the filter doesn't lie, come here." He pats his chest and you go and lie on his chest, your bare cheek making contact with his bare skin.
"I just like cuddling you." You closed your eyes to feel really content in the moment. Feeling Jake move his arms around you.
On the screen it flashed at 50% when he adjusted it to see your closed eyed smile, one he didn't know you'd had when you cuddled. He smiles to himself at the camera and that is where the video ended. He posted it and then went to rubbing your back, helping you to get the knots out if your back muscles, and further relaxing you.
After about 5 minutes of massaging your back, he started hearing your snores so he went back to watching tiktoks, scrolling through various fan videos speculating who chippy was, as nobody had seen you and Jake together before. Some said chippy was a sibling, some said they were his partner and some say they are just good friends. He also scrolled past a few fan edits of him hopping out of his car at the end of a race for interviews. He smiles again, he missed racing a lot more than he thought he would and he can't wait to get back to it.
Leaving a nice comment on the fans edit before seeing the video through, he closes the app, laying his phone to the side. He holds you in his arms tighter, nodding off with you.
Freddie Stroma taglist:
@nptnewr @likedovesinthewnd @aprilfire18
Divider credit:
@delishlydelightfuldividers
#jake martin x you#jake martin fanfic#jake martin x reader#jake martin#the crew 2021#the crew x reader#freddie stroma x reader#freddie strkma
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F1 2022 Re-watch: Round 3 - Australia
So yeah re some previous rambly posts, I subbed to F1 TV because I was kind of tuned out for the bulk of the 2022 season and bc it ended up being Seb’s last season in F1, I wanted to re-watch all of them in full. bc Seb caught covid (😭) I’m starting from Australia!
Since I’m mainly doing this for the laughs I have no idea what I’m doing avwvguhrgug I’ll probably put a lap number before any sarcastic comment for context.
Anyway, onwards! (under a read more bc this will get chatty)
Starting with the F1 intro. noice. (quietly bops)
As I am a religious Channel 4 viewer I just got major whiplash from Will Buxton doing commentary esblhrlbi.
I actually really like Albert Park, it’s not a bad track, dare I say it quite underrated.
Seb in 17th, the AMR22 really was a tractor 😭
Jolyon Palmer?!?!? I forgot he worked for F1 these days.
I’m also really not used to Aus not being the tradional season opener. Does not pass the vibe check.
[Start/Lap 1]: A clean turn 1???? sounds very fake.
A clean first sector???? sounds very fake
My god I can’t believe the grid all had their braincells on the first lap. Astounding.
[Lap 2]: nvm Sainz spun into the gravel. (I very vaguely remember this from C4 Highlights)
Unrelated, Zhou’s helmet design is really pretty.
[Lap 3]: Aston Martin Safety Car!! My beloved!! (The soft spot I now have for them after Seb’s two seasons with AM asdfghjkl)
[Lap 5]: Oh, pitting Lance to run the mandatory compound for 1 lap, then pitting again for hards. That’s clever. (Bernie Collins and Seb shared AM’s braincell lets be real).
I’ve also very suddenly realised that while I’m re-watching all of Seb’s races from 2022 bc it was his last season, there is no guarantee I will see much of Seb. I did not think this through.
I have once again slipped back into the routine of constantly checking for Seb’s name on the leaderboard. (pls don’t ask me how I’m going to cope this year bc I probably won’t)
I’m also humming the jaws theme everytime one car gets close to another.
Still not used to Will Buxton commentary eagheguh Palmer & Sam Collins are great though!!
[Lap 11]: Not Seb going through the gravel and dropping to plum last 😭
[Lap 12]: The McLarens following the Mercs. Merc on Merc powertrain violence
[Lap 13]: “Lots of unforced driver error” It’s because we had such a clean first lap that the racing gods demanded clownery as payment.
Unrelated but I said this to a mate the other day, but I miss glossy car liveries!! The matte ones are fine but shiny liveries just hit different. (Merc please go chrome for 2023 it would be v sexy)
[Lap 16]: Anyway Seb in P16 woo
Kevin mowing the lawn at turns 9 and 10
[Lap 18] Ah Leclerc leading Verstappen by almost 9 seconds. Remember when we had hope for the title fight? (Man watching the season long Ferrari clown show back is going to be fun, and by fun I mean devastating).
Speaking of car liveries, please have less black on the car this year McLaren. It just makes the car look unfinished. The accents of blue are so pretty though.
(I love how this is the most important thing on my mind rn eaugheuigh)
[Lap 22]: Seb thinking about an overtake!!! And the camera cut away!! why???
[Lap 24]: Seb DNF noooooo 😭😭😭😭
(I really should have looked up race results before starting this huh)
Well, zero joy sparked. But I have paid for F1 TV so we carry on through gritted teeth.
The AMR22 was a tractor, but damn it she was a beautiful tractor.
[Lap 25] “Keep getting unlucky with safety cars” Me 🤝 Lewis: Permanently traumatised by the 2021 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix
“The only time we will see an Aston Martin leading the race this weekend” Will Buxton I will fight you
[Lap 26]: THE FUCK Yuki, Mick do not frighten me like that.
I still keep checking for Seb on the leaderboard even though he’s out. Pain.
Back on livery watch: The blue and pink Alpine my beloved.
[Lap 30] oh we have passed half-distance. yay.
Lewis getting past Nando: ‘Cause I seee sparks flyyyyy’
[Lap 33] Bold of anyone to call Magnussen “Alonso’s rear gunner”
[Lap 35] Cuts to Leclerc in case we forgot about him
[Lap 36] “Is that Ferrari very slow or...?” “No that’s just how it looks” And yet Apollo gave them the gift of prophecy re the second half of the season 😭
Another livery watch update: Alpha Romeo v pretty.
[Lap 39]: Oop Verstappen DNF
Back to livery watch: Red Bull I’m begging you to go back to having a dark metallic blue instead of the matte navy. Keep the bright red tho.
The “Leclerc you’re my red flag” sign. Bestie that does not mean what you think it means.
[Lap 41]: The midfield once again saving the entertainment value of the race. I fully support Fernando’s rights to go a little bit feral.
Albert Park when the sun starts to go down >>>>>
(Yes a circuit’s aesthetic/surroundings completely plays into whether or not I like it. shh)
[Lap 45]: ...did AM tell Lance that he got a penalty or?????
[Lap 46]: How did I not notice Albon in P7??? pet power! (he still had to stop but whatevs)
[Lap 48] Albon on 46 lap old tyres 😳
I have now learned I’m watching the F1 TV feed and not the global feed (which I’m assuming is Sky F1???) so I’ll need to actually pay attention to what I’m clicking on for the next race 😅
[Lap 49]: It’s taken almost the whole race for Nando to start bitching on the radio iaefbhsebh. At least it feels like a race now (said with the upmost affection for my favourite menace to society)
[Lap 51]: There you go Nando, Pierre got past Lance
also is Alex going to pit at some point???
“I think don’t hit the one [car] painted the same as yours” F1 TV make Sam the lead commentator pls.
“The McLaren is a quick car” words I thought I would never hear
[Lap 54]: Charles 🤝 RBR Seb: Can I go for the fastest lap 👀
I also think it’s bs that you have to finish in the top 10 to get a point for the fastest lap. If you get the fastest lap, you should get the point. Don’t disrespect the non-points finishers like that @FIA
[Lap 56]: Three laps left and Albon still hasn’t pitted
Williams did you forget about your driver????
Shit I’m emotionally invested in Albon now
Oh man if his tyre fails I will not take it well
[Lap 57]: Don’t cut to Leclerc!!! I need to know if Albon has pitted yet!!!
There he is!!!
[Lap 58] “Are you still awake” Perez @ Williams pit wall
Oh thank fudge Albon pitted
[Lap 58/end] Charles & Ferrari taking a dominant win. doesn’t feel real tbh.
Albon got P10!!!! hell yeah!!!
Charles really did learn from Seb by going for fastest lap despite being told not to vvuuehrfgusrhguh
Rocky name drop!!! Yes I’m still fond of him shhh
Okay so that race was a bit of a slow burn, ty to the midfield for bringing the bulk of the entertainment. Overall 6 and a half front wings out of 10.
#F1 Liveblog#Australian GP 2022 edition#F1 Re watch#F1 2022 re watch#(going to us this tag as well since this is niche liveblogging)
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Ghost has to attend mandatory therapy, and the receptionist is about as happy to be there as he is.
*In Ghost's opinion, this is an utter waste of time. Of all the horrors and monstrous things he had done in his enlistment, one disobedience was all it took for the higher ups to send him to talk about his feelings. As if they hadn't demanded that he terminate and bury them for nearly 20 years. The other option was prison, and they knew better than to stick him in a cement casket with abusers and scum. So the next best option was to shove him through double doors he had to turn slightly sideways to enter, and into a shitty little waiting room. He walks through the parallel rows of skeletal folding chairs and right up to the tall desk. He's not quite sure who he was expecting to greet him, but it sure wasn't her.*
*A young woman sits on a swivel chair. Her black hair is teased up into a 60's updo, bordering on a mess but it looks good on her. Long sharp nails, like gleaming red apples. A cheeky diamond is inlaid where a beauty mark might sit on her upper lip, and eyes with lashes like a fan neglect him for her computer screen. A name tag reads 'Nettie'.*
Ghost *is quiet, that partly how he got his bloody name, but he knows that she knows he is there. Women generally do, they have a sixth sense for when someone of his size and nature are prowling in the shadows nearby. He's not quite sure what to do in a situation where he needs to draw attention to his own presence.*
Ghost *clears his throat*
Nettie "Yeah I see you there mate, kinda fuckin' hard to miss. Just gimme a sec, I need to flick off this email..."
Ghost *says nothing. His jaw twitches and he shifts himself to keep the exit within sight. This was ridiculous, he couldn't remember the last time he experienced something as civilian as waiting for a pesty receptionist.*
Nettie *pops a bubble with the gum she's been idly chewing. Half-heartedly pushes herself away from the desk, and unfolds her legs to stand.* "Right, why are you here then?"
Ghost *knows that she's expecting details for the appointment, but today has been a drag. The only thing that could make it better was to make it another person's problem.* "I killed someone."
Nettie "This is a service for veterans love, you're not going to win any bingos here with that. Who are you here to see?"
Ghost *shrugs and hands her the referral, a strong desire to get this over with as soon as possible.*
Nettie *clips it from his hands quickly. Popping another bubble, she raises an immaculately groomed and arched brow.* "Dr Martin eh? You must have been a very naughty boy."
Ghost *had been idly watching her mouth as it worked the gum. It was driving him a bit mad, something about it was goading. Odd woman to pick for reception, someone as cheeky and infernal as her. His glare snaps back to her eyes at her last sentence. He narrowed them, who the fuck did she think she was talking too?*
Nettie *had already moved on. She moved back to the computer and tapped away. The printer in the corner whirled awake, and she returned with warm, crisp forms printed on the stark white paper clamped to a clipboard.* "Right, I need you to fill these out, shouldn't take more then two or five minutes. I'll find you pen, well, hopefully anyway. You lot always take 'em with you, and now it's a pain in the arse to find one that isn't drier than my nan's crack. Anyway, you can use this one. Please give it back once you're done love, cuz that's my favourite. If you don't, swear on my bleedin' Louboutin's I will hunt you down and pester you till I get it back."
Ghost *takes the clipboard shoved in his direction, remaining silent and quickly scratching through boxes with ticks and answers with monosyllables. This woman is fucking loony. He slides it onto the desk surface, and speaks up for the first time.* "Here, your preferred pen, safe and sound. No need to ransom the rest of my sanity for it."
Nettie *plucks her pen back up and twirls it with a sweet grin.* "Some girls' just wanna watch the world burn, Skelly." *She ends with a playful theatrical wink. It pulls an amused huff from his chest. A corny batman reference is more reassuring than anything he would have expected in this linoleum purgatory.*
#simon ghost riley#cod mw2#ghost cod#original character#sassy receptionist#cod fanfic#simon riley fanfic#bad fanfiction#fanfic ideas#one shot#She has a light cockney accent#Amy Winehouse vibes#I think Ghost would go for pinup hotties#call of duty
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why do these cucks hate identity politics so much (at the same time they lap up Trump's dog whistle identity politics and replicate them for Trump?)
cuz they're stupid
Einstein had identity politics figured out as a great idea 100 years ago
but even with all the technology and learning we have available to us 100 years later
even with Einstein's example
even with Martin Luther King's example
there are still prob 100 million Americans so fucking peabrained and stupid that they think 'identity politics is to be dismissed it is garbage it is brainwashing it is bad'
yeah, well, next you'll be telling me the concept of linear time is brainwashing -- why would I ever think people of this sort have any potential as thinkers when clearly they've demonstrated nothing more than an ability to flap the gums in the most boneheaded ways, much like a Creationist done up in a suit only sometimes even more embarrassingly wrong and foolish?
Here we are in the age of the Information Superhighway and the typical American bag of Wonderbread is still shitting its white self on the shelf trying to spin identity politics as worthless, as crazy, as scary, as a form of brainwashing that prevents the host organism from making itself into a Trumpcuck,
all those things
identity politics should be mandatory in my opinion
since this country is too stupid to stop growing mini-Trumps inside itself and pushing Trump's agendas
but identity politics, which Trump pushes back against (gotta keep those blacks at 1/10th the wealth thinks whitey, it's not my responsbility, what am i gonna GET out of it says whitey)
gotta keep those queers from getting too strange
gotta keep the queers from having adventures and exploring and expanding outside the circle of what the straight white man wants to permit
"can't they just be boring bumps on a log like me and my rightist friend?", the cuck frets.
anyhow, if you made identity politics mandatory education, folks would see why adopting Trump's ways and Trump's anxieties about the future are bad.
it's a sort of vaccine, in a way
and they are terrified of vaccines, thinking you will lose your soul and die and not go to heaven or something
they prefer to sell their soul to the plantation masters, so they do.
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#my stepmum can keep her snarky comments lol#i said i wouldn't go with them to tomorrow's st martin's thing because i've got uni stuff to catch up with#and she muttered 'the entire week' under her breath like no bitch i don't have to do fucking homework for lecturs#*lectures#i attended the seminar that actually took place this week#everything else either wasn't mandatory or was cancelled because of a certain other module#i didn't lie about staying home i took care of my duties and worked at my internship and stayed home when i felt awful#and still studied the powerpoints at home#don't be snarky @ me when i've been literally listening to your work- and burn-out-related shit for half a year#your mental illness isn't more important than mine just because you still get paid in full when you stay home#fuck
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Hey!! Could I please request a headcanon for the slashers going to a family cookout with their s/o.
(Girl I know Jesse is going to be tearing that jerk chicken up)
Absolutely. Also girl yes tf he would. Matter of fact, we’ll start with him
Slashers going to a family cookout with their s/o:
Jesse always rolls with style, so it was standard to pull up in a Black 2020 Aston Martin Vanquish. Stuntin’ on everybody.
Your dad and uncles are posing and taking pictures by it lmaoooo; he doesn’t mind.
Also coming extra late lol. Shit started at 2 pm and you two came at 5 pm. Black people operate on cp time so there was plenty of food left.
Goes to pile up his plate with jerk chicken, ribs, yams, cabbage, etc. He wants to eat everything.
The fam knows about his.....”accident”, so they don’t give him a hard time about eating in a separate room.
Also they lowkey scared of him sooooooo....
Jesse ventures into one room where there’s a random baby sleeping.
Like who’s child is this????🤔🤔
He just goes into another one, which is thankfully empty. He was hungry as hell. And was excited to sip on that henny too.
Tears that jerk chicken up! 1 minute and that shit was gone lol it was good as hell. Loud as fuck smacking on that shit too.
Ends up spending the night cause y’all both drunk and full by the end of the night. Real slizzardddd🥴
Bo Sinclair
Bo hasn’t been to a cookout inna minute! Mostly cause everybody is made of wax except his brothers.
He’s another one who knows how to tear some shit up. Niggas named Bo don’t play about they food.
Honestly vibes well with your folks. He’s pretty respectful to everybody. He doesn’t feel out of place with them.
Y’all be roasting each other at home so he knows how to hold his own when your cousins try him lol.
Acts sweet with you grandma, mostly cause he wants her to slide him an extra piece of red velvet cake. 🙄Deceitful ass nigga lol.
Oh he’s playing cards with the main crew. Bo is good at it too, has a perfect poker face.
“BAM! Y’all ain’t got nothin’ on me!”
“Awww nigga shut up, you ain’t win. Musta cheated yo ass off!”
“Hellll Naw, I just got skills unlike you.”
When I say he goes to town on the food, he goes in. His eating style is literally chomping down on shit. We aren’t in a food competition sir.
Been to a million and 1 cookouts back in the day.
But, since the hood is scared of him, he hasn’t gone to one for a very long time.
Fortunately, being with you has calmed people down (somewhat), so he gets to go to your folks’ get together. They side eye the hell outta him when he gets there though.
He’s the one who always dancing and sayin “Whatchu know about this song youngin’?!”
Um everything, old ass man. We been hearing the same shit since we was kids. Don’t play😂😂😂😂
He jokes around with everybody. You can hear that ugly uncle ass laugh miles away. Like ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lol. That’s your baby though.
He doesn’t go heavy on the food like you would expect. Why? 'Cause he made himself some to go plates and hid them while no body was looking.
He’s a natural at cookouts lol that shit is engrained into his DNA.
He really don’t like being around a bunch of people😐
But, there’s food involved so he can tolerate it.
Ya moms, aunts, and cousins think he’s cute.
“Where you get him from? Ooooo I like him.”
“Umm he’s not for YOU. That’s my nigga, back off.”
If they try to come up and flirt with him he’s like nah bih. Get tf out tha way.
He’s there on a mission, for the food and food only.
He’s staring at the dessert table, ready to attack it and devour all of them. You lead him away before his attempt.
Sees the random baby sleeping on the bed when he does his mandatory snoop around the house. He wishes he could do that.
All the kids want to hang off his arms since he’s so tall. You have to save him from them cause his face said this ain’t it and never will be.
He gets one of every dish. Except anything that looks too green cause fuck veggies.
He has a food baby by the end of it. He’s so satisfied that he’s moving even slower than usual.
Your aunts all slide him an extra piece of their pie(s) that they saved for their favorites. Gladly takes them all.
#slasher x reader#slasher x black reader#michael myers#jesse cromeans#candyman#bo sinclair#michael myers x reader#candyman x reader#jesse cromeans x reader#bo sinclair x reader#black reader
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MBTI✨Teaching The Commander the Art of Doing Nothing.
entj (the commander)
x
intp (the logician)
couple
--------------------------------
[in entj x intp's apartment]
entj: [coming into living room from office, putting hands on hips] so, i've been to the gym, paid all the bills, reorganized the kitchen, cleaned above the cabinets, fixed your sock drawer, and finished the book on indoor plant care... and watered all the plants and repotted three. *sighs* and it's only two in the afternoon on monday... what the hell am i suppose to do for the next six days... ugh i hate "corporate mandatory sabbatical" okkkk just because i've gone two years without using my vacation days and may have yelled at colleague for eating my salad. all of a sudden, i need "time off to relax" pfftt. 🙄
intp: [laying on couch with a bag of doritos on their chest and their boston terrier asleep on their legs🐶] woah, woah, woah. entj. you really need to learn the art of doing nothing. and your first lesson is that all that crap you did today, i mean that's like A WEEK'S worth of stuff, ya gotta spread it out.
entj: the... art... of doing nothing... seriously...
intp: hey, hey, you think this level of stagnation is EASY oh no, this is an art ok. and it will take years of training with a master to truely reach this state. 😌
entj: 😐🙂 [trying not to laugh]
intp: luckily for you, kid, you have a master of straight up chillin, right at your fingertips 😏
entj: oh my god... idk, stagnation is not really my thing.
intp: [leans up slightly, intensely stares into entj's eyes] come to the dark side... we have doritos... and... oreos...
entj: 😄 i can't believe i'm going to say this, but fine. intp, teach me how to do nothing.
intp: [evil voice] exxxxccccellent 😈 now for your first task as my new apprentice, you must retrieve the oreos from the pantry. also the goldfish... and the m&ms... and two juices, dealers choice. actually can i have a lemonade plz, and get whatever juice you want.
entj: 😑
[after entj retrieve's snackages and joins intp on the couch]
intp: [grabbing their lemonade from entj] what juice did you get??
entj: aged grape juice.
intp: aged grap- [sees entj is hold a unopened bottle of red wine 🍷] ahhh, good choice.
entj: 😉 ok now we've got snacks what next.
intp: the next step would be to watch the television.
entj: that's it?? we watch tv all the time how is this any different?
intp: [laughs] ohhh kid, do you have A LOT to learn. let me rephrase we are going to binge watch.
entj: i haven't done that since college when i broke my leg... and i'm usually too busy now a days. so what are we going to watch??
intp: [evil little grin] we shall watch one the best shows/book series ever created... from the mind of George R.R Martin... based on the book series A Song of Ice and Fire... Game of Thrones![excited squeal]😁
entj: ya know i've always meant to watch it but i've never had time... so that's actually perfect. how many seasons are there??
intp: eight. and the episodes are each an hour long. 🤓 [pressing play, theme song starts blaring]
entj: 😳
[many hours into the binge watching later...]
entj: [eating oreos out of package on their chest, drinking wine out of the bottle with their legs on intp's lap] [major character death @ the end of season one] OH! OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK! NO, NO, they did not just kill one of the main characters off! OH MY GOD!
intp: ohhh my sweet summer child... [if u watch GOT you'll get the reference] this is just the beginning... so, umm, do you like it?? [nervous, hoping they do but attempting to act like it's not a big deal]
entj: they just killed off a main character, there's like 4 different plot lines all happening at the same time, and it's really gory... this is the best show i've ever seen! can we do season two??
intp: patience my apprentice. first we must replenish snackages. then season two 😈.
entj: oh good because this ones kicked it [taps on empty wine bottle]
[after replenishing]
entj: ya know i wasn't sure about this whole doing nothing thing but... it's kind of liberating 😊.
intp: welcome to my world babe. [clicks and makes finger gun] so... season two?
entj: [as theme song starts to blare] LETTTTSSS DOOOO ITTTTT!!!!
#mbti#16 personalities#mbti humor#entj#intp#mbti relationships#mbti couples#based on true events#yes intp was quoting Friends#entj x intp#intp x entj#estj#enfj#enfp#entp#esfj#estp#esfp#intj#istp#infp#infj#istj#isfp#isfj#mbti memes#entj x intp pairing#xntx#xntp#xntj
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