shoutout to cyberpunk 2077 for discouraging me from wanting to become a fighter pilot

i remember going to some air show, and being just so completely enamoured with the fighters. just. wanting that. flying through the skies at entirely zoo high velocities. surrounded by amazing technology. so what if i'd have to kill ppl? might get killed myself?

"They didn't even have to recruit 'em - they just.. showed them the tech."

i'm having a hard time finding an exact source for that quote, and thus a hard time verifying its accuracy - but something along those lines was saved. and fuck, if that didnt resonate with me then...

not gonna bother doing some in-depth analysis for how that quote fits in today's world or whatever, i suck at that shit. but i feel like it is a sentiment worth spreading. to try n avoid being dazzled by the tech. or noticing when you are, and thinking critically about it.

went to the same airshow a year later, with a new, much more critical view of things. was as cool as ever, except i was a lil less enamoured with the idea of actually using the tech this time 'round. saw an f35, so that was cool.

The Mercs reacting to Y/N asking them about their past

Warnings: None

Scout:

- Uhhhhh

- It was… moderate? He got bullied by his brothers a lot but they eventually stopped as they matured. It was moreso the people at school that gave him trouble. Causing him to become aggressive and “misbehaved”

- His mother loves him to bits. She still spoils and frets about him to this day. Occasionally you’ll see candy sent to him in boxes on his nightstand with sickly sweet notes like “I love you my little baby bear : )” it’s borderline embarrassing sometimes. She never scolds him too roughly and always seems to know what advice to give.

- He doesn’t seem too thrilled telling you about his past. He tries to recall positive memories, like during the summer him and his family would frequent the beach. He seems to have had more positive times with his school friends as well. Mostly playing cruel pranks on adults.

———————————————————————

Soldier:

- He hesitates. It wasn’t great. That’s for sure. He was fed pretty strong propaganda as a child which led to him to become radical. This gradually died out over time and he became less and less bigoted. “I KILL EVERYBODY EQUALLY NOW!” He announces proudly, woohoo! character development.

- He vividly recalls beginning to question his sexuality around his teen years and being in a military training program for kids who wanted to serve their country. Which of course led to him having frequent gay sex in his young adulthood. Bruh.

- He always sorta had… really weird trigger-happy tendencies. He taught himself to shoot guns from a young age even know everybody opted against it. He then blew up an entire village, mistaking it for “FILTHY SOUTHERN TRAITORS CONSPIRING A SECRET BASE!”

- Nonsensical war stories that never happened and the only reason they exist is to make himself look good. They make you laugh. He’s full of himself, trying to impress you.

—————————————————————

Demoman:

- Yikes.

- “I.. Really don’t wanna talk about it.”

- He tells you bits and pieces from time to time about how terrible being an orphan was. Let alone having parents who didn’t care about him.

- He hates wizards because of Merasmus now. So there’s that. Straight up will beat the shit out of anybody that even remotely looks like a wizard. He’s more rational when sober but still has a deep passionate hatred for magicians.

- Manages to recall a more lighter story where he blew up his chemistry teacher’s entire farm as revenge for giving him bad grades. That was fun. He tells you this while fiddling with the inside of one of his bombs. Evidentially trying to get it working properly. “Yah, well I’d like to see that lot see me now. He’d bust a bloody vein in his wee little noggin tryin to comprehend how his ‘worst student’ managed to get this successful at demolition!”

- If you ask him more he’ll just shake his head. Stating it wasn’t that important and the past is the past.

———————————————————

Engineer:

- It was actually really good. His mother and father loved him. They were quite wealthy though and it caused him to be bit of a little prick. He always got pampered and spoiled to incredible degrees and was always a bit mischievous. He mellowed out and became his humble modern self over time though.

- He used to snicker over the fence while watching his neighbor’s lawnmower spontaneously catch on fire. That may or may not have been the result of his genius.

- Went to a prestigious school for incredibly smart kids and visited his grandfather on certain weekends. His grandfather was a bit preoccupied with work though so he’d take him to RED/BLU and pass on his building knowledge by showing him how to do stuff.

- Was always a very creative and well liked individual. Girls felt out of league with him in high school and they’d always shyly giggle as he passed by. They were always too timid to ask him out.

- One would often forget that Engineer is a deathly mercenary like the others. He showed blood thirsty tendencies from day one. His family encouraged it of course. Because why wouldn’t they! His father was so proud of him when he killed his first victim.. aaahh those little mercs grow up so damn fast. Engineer would laugh as he told you this. Great.

——————————————————-

Heavy:

- He becomes very grumpy. Crossing his arms and looking away. He can’t bring himself to stay mad at you, though. He knows full well that people only assume the best when asked a question such as this. He doesn’t blame you at all.

- He’s rather straight forward with it, and doesn’t hold back. “Heavy’s entire family was sent to ice prison and had little money. Not a single coin to hold us up. So, naturally work had to be done.” He goes on about how he was the breadwinner of the family and had the burden of carrying his entire family on his back. “Oh! and my father is dead.” He adds.

- JESUS.

- This man seemingly could never catch a break in his childhood. He did nothing but provide, work, and take it upon himself to be an adult at an early age. Not having many friends. Even having struggled in college. Mother of god. An absolute trainwreck.

- He assures you he’s fine, and he takes comfort in knowing he managed to come this far in the first place. Let alone to such an older age. “Stupid little baby will become big and strong like Heavy, and he will show you.” He tells you lovingly. Stroking your hair.

——————————————————————

Pyro:

- Looks confused and slightly concerned of why you’d ask such a thing. As if it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was here and now.

- They’re clearly avoiding this conversation, and brushing it off. Instead they want to show you this horrific forest fire they made! They think it’s so cool. Watching innocent fishing dads burn alive is cool.

- Redirects you and insists you tell them about your childhood first. Is very polite despite not enjoying the question and by the looks of things it’s better off to just leave the question be for a bit. They really don’t want to talk about it. To very high degrees. (pun intended.)

——————————————————————-

Sniper:

- He was a rather lonesome child. Preferring to sit by himself and never really participate in activities. His parents pushed him to socialize but he never really got that great at it. He also sort of tormented the other kids whenever he deemed them too noisy or annoying. Throwing rocks at their heads. He got rather good at this due to doing it so many times.

- He’d play pretend by himself in the backyard behind his house. Occasionally his father would join in, but after school he headed straight to his treehouse whilst his parents were busy and shot at poor birds with a pop gun. Scaring them half to death. He’s play his little hunting game until sunset, to when his mother would call him in for dinner.

- His father found his games quite cute and taught him how to shoot an actual gun eventually for the purpose of hunting. Aaaand he’d live to regret that.

- He was always an outdoorsy kid. Going on camping trips and petting zoos. He had a soft spot for certain animals and got caught hugging and kissing the top of a sheep’s head. Awww. He was affectionate in his young age. (Dont bring this story up to him ever again.)

—————————————————————-

Medic:

- “Ohhohoh! What a silly question! It was awful.”

- Nobody really liked how much of a nerd he was in school. Despite growing up in a village with a rather long lineage of medical “professionals” (I use that term loosely) he went to a school outside his village. He got bullied on a regular basis and people dumped paint in his hair while he was outside reading.

- This of course made a pretty sensitive child out of Medic. He was prone to being a “Cry-baby” and “too sensitive” in his classmates’ own words. He was also a mama’s boy which didn’t seem to help the teasing.

- Medic took rightly by his mother. She was batshit insane. The most stereotypical mad scientist you’d ever lay your eyes on. She’d read him bedtime stories which were very complex university textbooks for some reason.

- He took a liking to all his mother taught him. Books of the cosmos, math, and other stuff. Especially the medical science that was strung about the village. He developed an incredibly strong morbid curiosity for anything that seemed off or strange. Wishing to understand the world around him as much as possible.

- He took a magnifying glass into the garden and studied bees when he was five. Theorizing their stingers could create a miracle cure (It couldn’t. His allergic cousin fucking died and Ludwig thought that was hilarious.)

——————————————————————

Spy:

- “Hey Spy, can you tell me a bit about your childhood?”

- Immediately cloaks away.

- Goes missing for like several days.

There’s something I love about Battletech that I’ve only now figured out how to word, and it’s the way ‘Mechs are treated in the setting (capitalized that way because in universe it’s short for BattleMechs).

If you’re not familiar with this line of thinking, let me introduce it a moment. In short, one of the things that mecha as a genre does is use mechs because they’re human-looking. It lets you take mechanized warfare, something famously cruel and dehumanizing, and humanize it, making it once again about lone heroic actors that tower over the battlefield. That can do a lot of things in a piece: it can let you really understand the emotional impact, war-is-hell style; it can be vaguely propaganda-y/wish fulfillment, in the sense that it defies the idea that one person alone can’t make a difference; it can even be used to make combat a person-to-person backdrop for what’s really going on (you could do a rom-com with mechs pretty neatly I think…wonder if that exists?)

Battletech seems to have this line of thinking built into the setting. From a Doylist perspective, I can’t guarantee it was on purpose, but shut up we’re going off the Watsonian rails.

The setting goes straight into it with the view people have of MechWarriors, the class of soldier that pilots Battlemechs across the battlefields of the Inner Sphere. The setting (especially in older eras) treats these warriors as knights-errant, crusading about in massive suits of armor for whatever cause they believe right--even if that cause is a bit of coin. Chivalric orders at one point really did and occasionally still do within the Battletech universe, and (again, earlier on in the setting) mechs are often passed down through family lines, making these machines into a symbol. What that symbol exactly represents depends from MechWarrior to MechWarrior, but no matter what it means something to them. They have some form of relationship with what it means to be a MechWarrior. To be one of these glorious knights.

But then, as all things must, it all comes crashing down when faced with the horrors of real life and the real-life battlefield. 'Mechs aren't invincible, far from it; they certainly aren't disposable, but in addition to other 'Mechs (the "romantic" opponent all MechWarriors wish to fight) they are under threat from VTOL craft, planes, tanks, artillery, and even properly trained infantry. The glorious knight, striding across the battlefield...can very easily lose their lives to their own notions of splendor. Combat, both in lore and on the tabletop, is brutal, and 'Mechs even if they survive often come away with massive holes, missing limbs, and pilots bloodied and bruised even from the safety of the cockpit. To say nothing of those that don't make it home, their ammunition reserves sending them up in a fireball of death, their reactors purged in superheated steam that could leak into the cockpit and boil them alive, their cockpit itself blasted from off the 'Mech's shoulders and leaving them nothing but a fine red paste. BattleMechs are glorious, yes, but at the end of the day it's still war.

It's still war. And war is hell.

So despite having the appearance of being an empowering machine in-universe, we can actually look at the BattleMech as symbolic of the kind of thing that really happens to people thrown into the grinder of war--they die. And it's not pretty. No idealism can protect you from the barrel of a gun. And you are most certainly cheaper to replace than all your equipment.

The designs of the 'Mechs lean into this depersonalizing angle, too. Many of them are, in the barest sense, humanoid:

But even then, it's the vision of a human filtered through a much more realistic military-industrial complex than something like, say, Gundam. And on the other end of this spectrum:

...are 'Mechs that look nothing like the people they're supposed to represent.

Looking at this through the lens of 'Mechs as something used to tell a story about humans, we reach a conclusion:

You think this story is about you. It's not. War is hell. Meat is cheap.

And that's actually really cool of Battletech to be so thematically tied into itself like that.

Return to Me - Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five: Homeward Bound

A/N: I’m so sorry this is so late! There’s been a lot going on in my life (mostly good things) and I’ve just been busy and not been in the mood to write. I hope you’re all still invested in the story, though! Let me know what you think and please accept my apology. Also, this chapter is a little bit short but I’m absolutely exhausted right now.

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader Word Count: 2,943 Synopsis: The reader returns to Naboo on the next step to making things right, while the Resistance works out a way to garner more support.

Tag List:  @xeniarocks​, @too-many-baes​, @araceli91103​, @idocarealot​, @treblebeth, @treestarrrrrrrr​, @thescarletknight2014​, @cspr-2​, @ibikus, @mellow-f1, @mrsdaamneron, @trustme3-13, @missjess71, @ella-solei, @minelskede, @gleigh42, @usuallyweepingnacho, @givemethatgold, @and-claudia, @constantdisgrace, @wordsinwinters, @readingvogueonprivetdrive, @trshbb, @kaitlynw011, @ihave2muchtimeonmyhands, @fairytalesforever, @thanos-jeep, @mixedfandxms, @pastelbunny1501, @emotionalcal, @danicalifxrnia, @getyourselfaunicorn, @spider-starry, @jimhalpertcanbuymelove, @angelicaxhouston, @roserrys, @blushingwueen, @americasass-romanoff, @commondazy, @throughparisallthroughrome, @ms-dont-care , @bubblegumcat229 , @barnesdameron

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“A bodyguard?” You stormed back to the command center so quickly, the door opening almost hit Finn in the face. You stopped it an inch from his face and mouthed an apology before turning back to Leia. “I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“Y/N,” she said with a tired sigh, “You have been gone a long time, there will be a large target on your back. Especially with what you plan to do. The moment you open your mouth to speak against the First Order, they’re going to want to get rid of you. You need protection.”

“I can protect myself. I did for--”

“For the months you were gone?” Leia asked, standing. “I don’t think you really want to go there, Y/N.” You tried to hold your ground, but the steel of her glare had you faltering.

“I”m sure Rey has more important things to do,” you said, your voice much weaker than before.

“Rey has a special connection with Ren, just like you. She’s the perfect bodyguard. Besides,” Leia said with a tut, “She’s the only one who wanted the job.”

Her final sentence was meant to silence you, and it worked miraculously. It felt like a slap in the face. You looked around the room, a room of people you had loved and fought beside for years, and none of them cared whether you were dead or alive? You couldn’t help the burning in your eyes when you looked to Poe. He was deliberately looking elsewhere.

“Fine, General. This is your war, and you know best.” Bhavisama was back. Your voice changed as you spoke, and when you turned out of the room, you threw back your shoulders and regally marched out of the room, not looking back.

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“Did you have to say that part?” Karé asked once you had left. 

“She needs to know the truth,” Leia said simply. 

“But is it really in our best interest to cut her off just as soon as she’s back?” she asked. Poe finally looked away from the spot he had chosen to stare at when you entered, and focused on Karé. She had a point.

“I think Y/N knows the damage she has done in her running away. She expects a little bit of penance,” he said.

“So it’s okay that we lied and told her no one else wanted to protect her? That she can think you don’t care about her?” Karé asked with a shake of her head.

“Look, Leia knows best. Y/N needs to be with Rey, and I have to stay here,” he said, folding his arms in a way he knew was childish.

Leia looked between the two of them until she was sure their riff was over before bringing the next piece of business to their attention. With you back, and your promise to vocally fight for the Resistance, their next step was to figure out how to address the galaxy. There was plenty of damage they could do by showing the destruction that the First Order left in their wake everywhere they went, but they had to be selective in showing off their wins. Flashy, but not too proud. Specific, but not revealing. 

“What about our trip to that village on the other side of Chandrila?” Snap asked. “That might send the right message.”  A smile spread across Leia’s face as she nodded.

“That’s perfect. And it’ll throw suspicion from our base. They’d never guess we’d shoot a propaganda video on the same planet we had taken root on.”

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“Look, she’s stuck with us, alright?” Nové said, sitting down next to you on the ship that was taking you back home, back to Naboo. “And as far as bodyguards go, we could have a lot worse.”

“I know,” you said, shaking your head. “It’s just so much has changed.”

“That’s the way things always are,” she said with a gentle frown, “But some things stay the same,” she said, taking your hand in hers. You smiled at her. 

“Now, what do we have in mind for my royal return?” you asked.

“Well, the thing is, I’m not sure you’re going to have the most welcoming ceremony. You’ve been gone for a long time.” You nodded your head solemnly. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t look fabulous. And don’t worry,” she said, taking in the sight of your face, “Naboo is loyal to those loyal to her, our people have already turned their backs on Broden for what he’s done. Once they see that you’re home and ready to fight, they’ll find their love for you again.”

“Thanks, Nové.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve laid out a dress for you. Think you can manage without me for a couple of minutes?” she asked with a smirk. You decided to not bring up the months you had been on your own and instead nodded. Nové excused herself to go over a few things with Rey, giving you a chance to get ready for Naboo, both physically and mentally.

The warm blue waters were the first thing to greet you as you arrived on Naboo. With new changes in security, the hangar was no longer accepting any incoming ships that weren’t working directly with the military. It wasn’t uncommon for ships to make a water landing in Naboo, but it was a surprise. A royal ship hadn’t landed in the lakes surrounding Theed Palace in years. 

The landing was rocky, but in a way you enjoyed. It felt like being back on the speeder boats you had cruised around in on Varykino. Your enjoyment quickly faded when you realized you were going to have to face your mistakes once more. 

Nové came back into the room a second later, making sure that you were ready. She could read the anxiety in your face and didn’t ask how you were feeling. You fidgeted in your dress slightly and took in a deep breath. It was now or never, and you had done plenty of hiding already. 

There wasn’t a welcoming committee when you exited your ship. Instead, you were met with a small group of soldiers. Like when you arrived on Chandrila, they asked you a few questions and examined your face, making sure that you truly were Bhavisama. 

Once they were satisfied, you were ushered into the palace. The entry point was on the opposite side of the palace so there was another five minute walk in silence as you made your way towards the throne room. 

Standing in front of the heavy doors, you took in once last breath before nodding to the guards. They opened the doors in what felt like slow motion, and with watery eyes you laid eyes on your parents. They had been notified of your arrival and were looking eagerly at the doors. When you stepped into the room your mother was the first one to break. She smiled as she let out a gentle sob and ran toward you.

Never in your life had you seen your mother run. She was always a woman of grace and poise, and running would not have fit her title. But she raced towards you and wrapped you in the tightest hug you had ever received from her. You thought that there might be a leak in the ancient ceiling until you realized it was your mother’s tears.

You hugged her back. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said once she finally pulled away. “Oh, my Y/N,” she said softly, stroking your cheek. “I was so worried we had lost you forever.”

“Me too,” you said with a shrug. Osira laughed gently and nodded her head before wrapping you in her arms again. Over her shoulder, you saw your father. He hadn’t approached the two of you fully, but he had taken a few steps closer. You looked up into his eyes and saw the nerves behind them. 

When you broke away from your mom you turned to face him. Even his posture was uncomfortable, as if he didn’t know how to act around someone he had known their entire life. You wanted to be angry with him, but he looked so uncomfortable, he was starting to make you uncomfortable, too.

“Thank you,” you said after a long pause, “For keeping Naboo safe while I had to step away.”

“O-Of course,” he stammered, surprised by your words. You looked at him for a little longer, but when it was clear he wasn’t going to say more, you rolled your eyes and turned back to your mom. She sighed and took your hand in hers.

“Let’s get you caught up on everything you’ve missed.”

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“If we’re going to show off what we’ve done on Chandrila, why do I have to go to Naboo?” Poe asked. He was hating the way he had been acting the last day or so, seeming like an entitled teenager, but he didn’t like to be pushed around. Especially when he was being pushed towards someone he didn’t want to have contact with. 

“Because we need to start rebuilding our base. Y/N’s plan to voice her support for the Resistance is all well and good, but we need to strengthen it. She’s been gone for a long time, but so has the Resistance. We’re only just starting to make progress again, it wouldn’t hurt to remind the galaxy of that.”

“I agree,” he said, nodding his head, “But why am I the one who has to do it?” he asked.

“I thought you enjoyed being the poster boy for the Resistance?” Leia asked with a smirk.

“It can get in the way of things sometimes,” he said, only mustering a tired smile to match hers.

“What is it getting in the way of now? Ignoring Y/N?”

“I’m not ignoring her.” BB-8 gave a beep that said otherwise. “Can you blame me?” he asked, looking to both the droid and Leia.

“No,” she said, taking a step closer to him, “But you know you aren’t going to stay away from her forever.”

“Maybe I will,” he said, “She said she doesn’t see a future together anymore.”

“Within the galaxy we’re living in now,” Leia said, looking at him in a way that kept his eyes locked on hers, “We’re all fighting to change it. I thought you were, too.”

“I am,” he said with a sigh.

“Great. So you’ll go to Naboo and present the footage of the First Order attack, and stand by Y/N’s side as she pledges her support to the Resistance.”

“And then after?” he asked.

“I don’t pretend to know what the two of you did after a mission,” she said, finally making him smile a little. “Maybe just talk.”

“Maybe,” he said tiredly. 

“I’ll take it. You’ll head out tonight.”

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“Clearly he didn’t want to see me before, why is he here now?” you asked.

“General Organa sent him here. She wants the both of you in this message,” Rey said. You sighed and nodded your head. The ton of Rey’s voice told you that she wasn’t messing around. There was no getting out of this, so you were just going to have to suck it up and push through it. 

“Fine, when is he getting here?”

“I’m already here.” 

You and Rey turned towards the door of the conference room and saw Poe standing in the doorway. His body language was not dissimilar to your father’s earlier. 

“Hey, Poe,” Rey said with a smile. 

“Hey. We all set up in here?” he asked, taking in the podium that had been set up for your announcement.

“Not quite yet. They’re still working out a few bugs.”

“What’s the issue?” Poe asked.

“Naboo went completely off the grid after Y/N left,” Rey said. “They did everything in their power to block off any communications in and out of the planet, save a few. They’re trying to undo all of that now but it’s taking longer than expected.” Poe nodded his head and stood there silently for a few moments. Rey looked to you, expecting you to start up the conversation, but when she saw that neither of you were talking, she groaned. 

“I”ll go see what’s keeping them. You two get reacquainted while I’m gone,” she said, smiling at the both of you as she left. You opened your mouth to stop her, but she was out the door quickly. Poe laughed at her quick escape and shook his head.

“I didn’t expect to see you,” you said quietly. He looked up at you and walked towards the table, taking a seat as far away from you that it wasn’t awkward. “After today I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me.”

“Well, after Taris I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me,” he said. You looked down at your hands and nodded.

“Poe, what else was I supposed to say? Was anything else going to get you to leave?”

“No,” he said after a pause. “I went on a mission, I don’t give up so easily.”

“I’m not a mission, Poe,” you said quietly. “But I’m back now.”

“For now, you mean,” he said. You rolled your eyes.

“I told you, I’m not running anymore.”

“Yeah, well--”

“I mean it,” you said sincerely. “I’ve lost too much to keep letting the First Order win and win and win. I came back to fight with the Resistance, but I also came back for you, Poe. I was wrong on Taris. I should have gone with you. Out of all the mistakes I made, I regret that one the most.” 

He was silent for so long that you were almost certain he wasn’t going to say anything, until he stood up. He moved to the seat next to you and pulled out his Holopad. He got to work pulling up the footage that he was going to present to the galaxy.

“What is this?” you asked. 

“It’s a village on the other side of Chandrila. Not much there. A couple factories, a school, homes you wouldn’t want to step foot in unless you absolutely had to.”

“What was the First Order doing there?”

“Well, it’s our fault, really. There was a man that worked in one of the factories. He was helping us smuggle in supplies. Things were going great for a few weeks when in the middle of the night we got a distress signal from him. I flew out there with Jess and we found the First Order attacking the entire village he lived in. 

“We tried to save as many as we could, but once the Resistance fully got there, there wasn’t much left to save. Our contact was gone, along with eighty percent of his village.”

“They were just civilians?” you asked.

“Yeah, just a bunch of factory workers that had no idea who any of us were. Just got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“And you have footage of it?”

“Leia installed these new things in our gear. They record pretty much everything we do on our twenty-four hour basis. It usually deletes after a day or so, unless we save it. The footage is . . . well, let’s just say it’ll do exactly what Leia is hoping it’ll do. It shows the side of the First Order they’ve been trying to keep hidden for so long.

“But, you don’t have to watch it,” he said after a pause. “It’s really brutal stuff.”

“I want to see it,” you said gently. “I need to.”

“No more running,” he said with a gentle smile. You looked into his eyes and nodded your head.

“No more running.”

“Alright. It’s all yours,” he said, handing you the Holopad. 

The entire time you were watching the horrific video, you felt Poe’s eyes on you. He didn’t speak for the entire time it played, but when you looked up at him with teary eyes he spared a small smile for you.

“Leaving you on Taris,” he said, taking in a deep breath, “Is one of the things I regret most, too.” 

You reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze, holding it in yours until Rey came in with the rest of the crew, ready to shoot your video for the galaxy.

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 9a

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover (If you can’t find it here)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7a | 7b | 8 | 9b

I really enjoy everyone’s feedback. It makes my day to know you all are enjoying this story so far. There is still a lot planned for the future. I said this is slow-burn, it is don’t worry. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Chapter 9: Packing Up

Summary: “Your theory about possibly being matched with aliens? Well, he isn’t exactly an alien, he is a part of the First Order. When they found out who I was matched to I was immediately escorted here.”

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You were alone for a moment, you swore you could almost hear Kylo talking to the general on the other side of the door. He sounded harsh. You hear his footsteps walk further down the hall.

The door opens and the general walks in with the tree junior officers trailing him. He stepped back and let the junior officers quickly clean up your and Kylo’s lunch. “The Supreme Leader has made me in charge of your safety. He also said I am to take you where ever you would like to go.”

You nodded. Just now you realized you never messaged Hayden or Carter that you had been escorted, in fact, you had yet to check your phone.

You pulled it out of your back pocket and saw that you had 30 messages from Carter and Hayden and 15 missed calls. They were all asking where you were, if something happened, if you were all right and if you were being interrogated.

You decided to call Carter. “Excuse me, General, I need to make a phone call.”

He nodded and stepped out of the room leaving you alone. You dialed Carter’s phone number, it rang twice before they picked up.

“Oh my god Y/N! Are you all alright? We have been trying to get a hold of you for hours now,” their voice was laced heavily with concern.

“I know. I’m alright, everything is fine. Actually, it’s better than fine, but I don’t know if this is how I want to explain it. I’m safe, I’m in Washington D.C.”

“Wait I’ll put you on speaker. You will explain everything,” you heard Carter switch the phone to speaker. And heard Hayden clear his throat.

“Hayden, you were right,” you said with a light chuckle.

“Sweet! Wait right about what,” he asked not remembering.

“Your theory about possibly being matched with aliens? Well, he isn’t exactly an alien, he is a part of the First Order. When they found out who I was matched to I was immediately escorted here,” you paused second guessing if you should reveal who Kylo is. “He is a high ranking officer, so it looks like I’ll be joining them.”

“Wow, Y/N we are so happy for you. I’m guessing you’ll probably leave when they do. Are you coming home tonight?” Asked Carter.

“He said I’ll be joining him on the ship tonight and that I will be able to come back down tomorrow,” You glanced at your watch. 3:30 PM, the suttle ride itself only took an hour and a half to get you from Toronto to D.C. You should have enough time to go back grab some things and be back in time for the nightly public First Order address. “I know you guys have more questions but I have to go.”

“Bye, be safe my dude,” said Hayden.

“You know we love you and want you to be happy, just call us when you can,” said Carter.

“I know and I love you guys too,” and with that, you said your goodbyes and you ended the call.

Unsure of what to do you walked over to the door opened it and stuck your head out. You could see the general down the hallway talking to some other First Order officers and people whom you assumed to be White House staff. You called to him, “General?”

He turned and started walking towards you. You now exited the room. “Yes,” he asked.

“Your orders were to take me anywhere that I would like to go, correct,” you asked.

“Correct, I am assuming you have made a choice,” he responded.

“I was wondering if I could take a shuttle back to Toronto to gather some of my things? I’m hoping to return before the nightly public address.”

“That can be arranged,” with that he looked over his shoulder to one of the junior officers who left immediately to make the arrangement. “Of course because I have been tasked personally with your safety I will have to escort you.” And with that, the junior was back and informed the general that there was a shuttle ready. He nodded and they excused themselves. He gestured for you to once again follow him and you were off to the shuttle.

You exited the White House and were once again aboard the shuttle, “This is a Xi-class light shuttle. It is mostly used for ferrying on planet surfaces and transporting freight. Not, that I expect that you will remember this right now, but if you are to be Supreme Leader’s consort then you will be expected to know these things.”

You looked at the general slightly shocked. This wasn’t something you had thought deeply about. You were now about to literally give up your whole, albeit boring, life for a man who was in charge of a military regime. You didn’t want to be in the spotlight. You just wanted to be loved and to love.

Both of you buckled in facing each other, “Would you like me to prepare some education videos for you? You have much more to learn than the average First Order planet citizen,” he said while working on a datapad.

You just nodded your head and he handed one to you, “This video is outdated but contains lots of good information and background knowledge for you,” responded the general.

He pulled up a video titled “First Order” by The Templin Institute. This one was much shorter and was just under ten minutes. This video gave you an idea as to who the man Kylo killed in order to receive the Supreme Leader position. It also gave you more information as to how the First Order came to be. When you glanced up after finishing the video the general used his datapad to send you another.

This time it was a speech given by the general himself from Starkiller base, “The First Order: Last day fo the Republic.” The video was intimidatingly impressive, it was similar to the speech he gave yesterday, but this time it caused the destruction of an entire star system, the New Republic’s capital.

“What did you think,” he asks as you can see the smug look on his face.

“It was intimidatingly impressive. An entire system gone in a matter of minutes.”

He was pleased with your answer as he sent you a news release from the First Order. “The Voice of the First Order: Issue 23.” Ironically the first one being about propaganda, avoiding Resistance and the New Republic propaganda and where a First Order citizen my uncover the truth.

Lastly, he sent you a bunch of articles talking about the different transport ships that were standard issue within the First Order.

The pilot spoke to the general informing him of the arrival back at the registration station. You handed the general back the data pad. You both unbuckled and stood to exit the shuttle.

“General, if you don’t mind I need to take my car back to my apartment to get my things,” you said to him.

“Yes, one of the ancient wheeled vehicles. I suppose we will have to return it. How many passengers can you fit,” he asked almost disgusted by the idea of having to ride in a car.

“Not including the driver I can technically seat 4, but only three comfortably as it is a sedan,” you replied.

“This will probably be the only time you will be allowed to drive one of those death machines again, but we will take three troopers with us for protection,” he said. And the thought of never driving again made you sad and curious as to see what freedoms you would be allowed. The general ordered three troopers to escort you two your car. “We will have the shuttle pick us up from your apartment to make things easier upon departure.”

With that, you got into your car. The general still seemed to be disgusted with it, even though it was clean. The three troopers struggled to sit in the back as they were too large for the seat. Once everyone was settled and buckled you were on your way to your apartment. It was not a long drive and for once all of the lights were green when you got to them.

Parking in your ramp you all got out of your car and approached your building's elevator. The troopers were making sweeps of the area and the general followed confidently behind them and all of them behind you. The elevator ride is awkward, even more so than the car ride. You reach your floor and you unlock your do, but be for you enter one of the stormtroopers moves you out of the way. They enter and sweep your tiny apartment.

You moved to follow them in as did the general. “I thought the people of your planet were supposed to have large dwellings,” he said commenting on your small apartment.

This made you a bit ticked off, and the fact that they were all wearing shoes inside and tracking dirt in. “Why would I need a larger apartment when I live alone?”

The general just hummed in response. You went to your closet and gathered your duffle bag and your backpack. You began packing all of your clothes and your toiletries knowing this could be one of the last times you would be back at your apartment. Packing didn’t take very long. You grabbed your work tote and filled it with your laptop, planner, notebooks, and chargers. You also grabbed your favorite coffee to-go cup and water bottle. It only took about 15 minutes to pack everything. “Is there anything I can get you? I have water, tea, coffee, and various fruit and snacks.”

The general shook his head in response and the troopers gave no sign of acknowledgment. And with that, your life was packed and ready to be moved again.

“This is everything I need, we should be able to go now.”

The general nodded to the troopers and you made your way down to the main entrance of your apartment building. Once again you boarded the shuttle.

Relic Keepers: Awakening of the Red Lily (Chapter 1) - Original Fiction

Title: Relic Keepers: Awakening of the Red Lily

Summary: A 1000 years after an apocalyptic event called the Bombardment, humanity have learnt how to harness the power of mana. Silverleaf Military Academy is a learning centre for Indigo Children, those who have the ability to use Mana. And they are divided into two classes; the Elites, who’s skills make them superior on the battlefield. And Passives, who’s skills do not belong outside of the Academy. Supposedly. Eishirou is classed as a Passive. He is also a Chronicler. Gathering lost information, finding relics, learning about the far-flung distant past is what he does. And he enjoys it. However, his life changes when he gets called out to his first expedition in the field with his new roommate, Zayne – a powerfully protective Elite!

Genres: Young adult, suspense, action, adventure, treasure hunt, scifi fantasy, romance, slow burn romance, gay romance

Notes: Ok, here it is. M y first attempt at an original novel! A little nervous to be honest, but I’ll try my best to be entertaining! I’ll also try my best to keep the chapters under 3k for easier reading. But, you know, things happen. Now, this will be a very long project and I will attempt to maintain weekly updates. I do hope you'll give this story a chance. And I hope you'll enjoy reading~

Ao3 | Wattpad | Inkitt | FictionPress

Chapter 1:

Eishirou huffed a tired sigh to remove an annoying strand of brown hair from his eyes. His eyes, normally a honey brown, were no doubt darken and possibly even bloodshot from staring at a bright computer screen for a few long hours.

He enjoyed his role as a Researcher and Chronicler. But staring at data for hours on end certainly got boring really quickly.

“Eishirou? You’re still here?”

Looking up from his work screen, Eishirou glanced over at his fellow Chronicler and friend.

Reddish brown hair and vivid emerald green eyes. Misaki. He was a good guy, friendly and considerate. Protective. He did have an intimidating glare of death, though. Guy knew how to scare the shit out of newbies, that was for sure. And some of the veterans, too.

“Yeah, but not for much longer, I hope,” Eishirou replied as he returned back to his work screen. “Someone was reported to have messed around with a few archives. I’m just making sure they didn’t actually mess with the data.”

Eishirou didn’t need to look over at Misaki to know that his usual friendly smile had turned into a deep frown. “Someone hacked the data? Do you know who?”

“Nope. Just that someone did.”

“I see,” Misaki murmured. “I will find out then.”

Eishirou wasn’t able to suppress an amused snort when he heard Misaki’s footsteps move away. He felt sorry for them, whoever they were. For a few seconds at least. Messing with the data was a bit no-no.

The information he was inspecting was basic, but needed to be preserved regardless. It was information he had seen all before. He knew it by heart, honestly. So, he would be able to get through it all quickly.

The prestigious Silverleaf Academy, a military university where students possessing mana-infused abilities came to train. It was located in Araluen, a Sanctuary City. Set in the middle of an island, surrounded by a large stone wall. And that was located ten miles from the shore of a vastly inhabitable continent. A continent that was reportedly to have once been as Australia. A place they now referred to as Main Land.

"Be sure to book now for the 1022nd Anniversary of the Bombardment!" the large plasma advertising board on the other side of the information centre robotically sounded, momentarily distracting Eishirou from his work.

Oh, was it that time of the year again?

The Bombardment was the name for an era in time, over a thousand years ago, where several asteroids impacted the earth within minutes of each other. Several large cities were wiped clean from the surface. Millions of lives where taken. Many more to follow in the apocalyptic aftermath. Life as those who knew it back then was irreversibly changed.

Of course, they didn't have the exact time or date when the Bombardment had occurred. Information from that era was largely lost and destroyed. And the information they had uncovered mostly contradicted itself. It was difficult to tell between all the fake propaganda and the truth. Not to mention that ruins seemed to date back further than a thousand years. Ancient. No mentioning of them in any form of text or data.

The common consensus was that the Bombardment happened over a thousand years ago. And had brought modern civilisation to its knees.

It also brought the use and discovery of mana.

The scientific community all agreed on one thing; if humanity had not discovered mana and found a way to harness it, then humanity would have been destroyed, too.

By using mana and infusing it within their inventions, they were able to rebuild society. Restructured cities. Learn how to live off the land. Learning how to harness mana within the human body.

The mana itself was largely a mystery. It was a source of energy. Mostly invisible until it was condensed and concentrated, which would then be presented in a glowing light.

However, the scientific community was divided in regards to where said mana came from. The asteroids? Or were rich mana deposits hidden within the Earth the entire time and it took a cataclysmic impact to reveal them?

There were a lot of…discussions about that topic. And certain scientists would often times get violent and confrontational.

Eishirou didn’t have a preference either way. Far as he knew, both scenarios were likely. And did it really make that much of a difference where Mana came from a thousand years ago? It wasn’t going to affect your average Joe’s way of life.

Those born after the Bombardment were often referred as Indigo Children. They were born with the innate ability to use Mana. And they fell into two categories; Elites and Passives.

Some form of discrimination was still rife amongst the Indigo Children. Elites verses and Passives. Elites are those born with battling abilities. Creating swords or other miscellaneous weapons out of mana. They were the ones who fight against the creatures known simply as ShadowDwellers.

ShadowDwellers were, simply put, abominations. Deformed creatures that also possessed the ability to use Mana. Again, the scientific community was divided with where they came from. Again, the asteroids? Or deep within the Earth itself? Some even believed that they were once humans themselves, mutated by mana in some way.

Silverleaf Academy had several Elite Squadrons that ensured the safety of students and residents alike.

Eishirou was a Passive Indigo Child. He didn’t fight in battles. Though, he could enter the battlefield if necessary. Only as a Medic, however. He possessed no fighting skills whatsoever. What skills he did possess was useful for research and archaeology.

He was a bit of an oddity, if one went by the Academy Hierarchy. He was a Chronicler, someone who dealt with gathering information and ensuring its safety for future generations. So, many Elites would refer to them as Paper-Pushers.

But he was also a Medic. And according to the Hierarchy, he was off-limits. No harm was to come to medics, no matter what. Anyone who dared to harm a medic deserved severe punishment.

So, Eishirou was both a nobody and someone of immunity.

In short, the Academy Hierarchy was stupid.

Chroniclers and Information Gatherers were important, however. The ‘modern’ civilisations from a thousand years ago seemed to have believed that they were the pinnacle of evolution. And they possessed all the information that there was to be known.

And yet, many of the ruins that have been discovered date back potentially millions of years. Civilisations deep underground and within the seas. Places and locations that were believed to have been impossible during ‘modern’ civilisation.

Either they were completely arrogant. Or completely ignorant.

A mixture of both, perhaps.

Scientists of today refuse to make the same mistake. They wish to document everything, no matter how controversial or ‘wrong’ that information appeared to be. Fact over fiction. Truth over lies.

Well, the document seemed perfectly intact. Done! He was a free man.

A buzzing sound from his communicator, however, stopped him dead in his tracks. Typical.

With a drawn-out groan, Eishirou slumped back into his chair and picked up his communicator. He didn’t need to see who was ringing him to know who it was. “Prof, you’re slipping. I didn’t even get my butt out of the chair this time.”

The hologram scene of Professor Chryses chortled. “I’ll try harder next time.”

As long as he didn’t catch him in the shower again. If he did, Eishirou was just going to ignore it. No matter how many times he rang.

“Let me guess; you got an assignment?” Eishirou asked.

The middle-aged man on the other side of the communicator nodded. With his dark sun-burned skin and deep wrinkles around his eyes, he was your typical off-the-grid researcher. The best at the Academy, to be completely frank. And he was Eishirou’s mentor.

“That’s right. And you’re coming with me.”

That surprised Eishirou. The only field research experience he had was helping in the restoration of relics and runestones that Jacob and his fellow researchers had discovered. He hadn’t been away from the city before.

“Really? Where to? Are we heading for Main Land?”

Jacob shook his head. “No. A small but tropically dense island thirty miles from here. It should be a rather short assignment. A damaged stone tablet was discovered.”

Ah, that was why he wanted him to join him. That, and he was old enough to start gaining some field experience. “And you need my expertise?”

“Correct,” Jacob smiled. “See you in an hour. Elite Team 3 will be meeting us at the Hanger 12.”

“Elites?” Eishirou repeated in a surprised tone.

“ShadowDwellers had been reported in the area,” Jacob explained simply.

Ah, that explained a lot. Though, there seemed to be an increase in ShadowDweller sightings and occurrences lately. He briefly wondered why that was.

“Right, see you in a bit,” Eishirou returned before he ended the call.

Well, no point dawdling now.

Eishirou grabbed his shoulder bag from the floor of his work desk and stood up. The small door which encapsulated him at his desk slid open noiselessly, allowing him to step out onto the stairs.

“You’re heading out again?” a feminine voice practically whined at him.

He turned to look over at another Chronicler. Long purple hair, dark pink eyes, quite fragile in appearance. Lyvia. She worked full-time within the Communication centre. Her frail body prevented her from joining field missions.

“The ol’ slave driver wants me to join him on an assignment,” Eishirou explained. “A short one, he claims. But we all know what that means.”

Lyvia’s pout quickly transformed into a smile and she nodded. “I heard Elites. Which team?”

“Team 3.”

“Oh!” her expression brightened unexpectedly. “I heard they got a new member. Ernesta practically forced him to join.”

That sounded like something Ernesta would do. She was very mild-mannered, peaceful in some ways. But she was terrifying when angry. Oooh, boy, Eishirou never wanted to get on her bad side.

“You might get to meet him,” Lyvia continued before she gave a telling giggle. “He’s supposedly cute.”

Eishirou rolled his eyes. “I’ll be sure to let you know.”

He bid his fellow Chroniclers farewell as he turned and walked up the pathway toward the exit. He walked past the main Observation Deck and out through the automatic sliding doors. He noted that the Observation Deck was empty. Which was usually a good thing. Nothing untoward was occurring throughout the Academy and city. Whenever the Communicator Commander was there, it meant trouble was about to go down.

Eishirou hadn’t had the pleasure of being on duty when Professor Jalen, or Communications Commander, started barking orders. He was a Chronicler, but he dealt more with the field work. Often aiding Professor Chryses. He only ever used his Chronicler privileges when he needed some classified information. Or just information in general.

He had the ability to access any information at any given time. It was easier within the Communication Centre, but anywhere he could get access to the internet, he could get the information he wanted.

The buzzing of his communicator pulled Eishirou from his thoughts once more. When he pulled it out of his pocket, he half expected to see that it was the Jacob again. Instead he was surprised to see it was his dorm superintendent.

“Katsuto, what’s up?” Eishirou asked as the hologram of a man with a stern expression flickered into view.

“Just informing you that you have a new roommate,” Katsuto stated in his usual brisk and stern manner.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Wait, roommate?

“What roommate?” Eishirou immediately asked. “No one said anything about me getting a roommate!”

Katsuto barely even blinked at his response. “You do now. He’s waiting for you. Play nice.”

“W-wait a minute-!” Eishirou spluttered. But it was useless. Katsuto finished the call on his end and Eishirou was left staring at the screen of his communicator.

He sighed loudly as his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. Asshole. Could have at least warned him a few days in advance. He knew he was to get a new roommate one day, after his old roommate had unfortunately taken ill and had to move to a dorm closer to the medical wing.

But that was beside the point. A bit of common courtesy from Katsuto wouldn’t have gone astray! And he didn’t even mention the guy’s name!

Ugh…

He uttered another sigh and kept walking. Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. He had an assignment to skip off to, anyway. He couldn’t play host for very long. Even so, he hoped the guy was easy to get along with.

After a few minutes of walking, he finally reached the door to his room. He took a minute to gather his composure before he used his key card to open the door. And he stepped inside.

His gaze immediately flickered over to the bed located on the left side of the room. And yup, there was someone there.

He appeared to have been going through his luggage. Tall guy, a couple of heads taller than Eishirou was. So…over six feet. With floppy dark blue hair. His eyes appeared purple. His skin was a light tan. Perhaps it was natural, or it meant that he had spent quite a lot of time outside.

No matter.

“Ah, you’re my new roommate,” Eishirou greeted, gaining the new guy’s attention.

The guy turned in his direction and gave him a thankfully friendly looking smile. “That’s me. You must be Eishirou.”

The door slid closed behind him as Eishirou moved into the room. “And that’s me.”

“The name’s Zayne.”

As Eishirou shook the other guy’s hand in greeting, he noted that he had an Elite emblem on his jacket. He had to fight the urge to do a double-take. Wait, an Elite? Why would an Elite be rooming with a Passive? Especially as Passive like him?

Although, he was…kinda cute, he had to admit. He had the body of an Elite; subtle muscles, sleek form, straight back, and oozing with confidence. Hoped he retained that friendliness after learning that Eishirou was a paper-pusher.

“Sorry, can’t stay long to chat,” Zayne suddenly stated with a wry grin. “First day here and I’m already on an assignment.”

“Doesn’t take long, unfortunately,” Eishirou returned with an empathetic tone. Before he, too, grinned. “I have one, too. Where you headed?”

“Hanger 12 for now.”

Wait…

“Ah, what Elite team, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Team 3,” Zayne answered quickly, completely unbothered that Eishirou knew he was an elite without asking.

So, he was the new guy on Elite Team 3? Eishirou wasn’t entirely sure what to feel about that. Some Elite’s don’t like the prospect of acting like bodyguards to Passives.

Well, one way to find out.

“Well…looks like you’re escorting me there,” Eishirou commented, earning himself a confused tilt of the head from Zayne. “I’m a Passive. And you’re going to be acting as a bodyguard for this assignment.”

ADHD is absolutely wild my guy. Lmao ya girls most recent hyperfixation was NCIS for some reason??? I don’t even like NCIS that much, my brain simply would not let me consume any media or do anything until I had watched every available episode of this navy cop/military propaganda show??? And so I’ve consumed like 15 seasons in 2 months (which isn’t as bad as the time junior year of college when I consumed 12 seasons of Criminal Minds in 3 1/2 weeks, but it’s up there in my ADHD-depressive-episode-binge-watching). ANYWAY now I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about this show that is watched exclusively by 40-60 y/o white people, and I don’t know what to do with them?? Who will listen to my disappointment in the way they ended Ziva’s character arc (and also Tony’s and Abby’s)? My thoughts on the disposability of female characters vs. male characters or the ways the show absolutely functions as blatant military propaganda? And then the ways it surprised me and subverted that pro-military agenda? Or the way you can watch the writing and the characters catch up with times and go from casually making “lol what are you, gay?” kinda casually homophobic jokes to calling out its own characters on their biases and misogyny? Or how I feel like this show went from being about patriotism and actively promoting the war on terror/contributing significantly to the American idea of the Middle Eastern Terrorist, to a show that seems to actively use that history and its military premises to subvert a lot of the ideas its biggest demographic of viewers (namely, sheltered middled aged white people who think Leroy Jethro Gibbs is the pinnacle of American masculinity and morality) would usually support? Like I watched them specifically use the image of the strong marine/navy veteran to make a character relatable and sympathetic and then later reveal that the character was gay or suffered from debilitating PTSD or was a homeless mother refusing to ask for help because she was scared her son would be taken away. And all of those characters were people Gibbs (the moral compass of the show) felt deserved his full respect and protection. There’s more than one episode about the unfairness and cruelty of ICE and our country’s immigration policy. It’s also a show that has had a surprisingly decent amount of representation since early on, and got better as it went. Idk. Anyway, I have SO MANY thoughts and literally no one to force to listen to them lmao. 

A good man (Vampire!Steve Rogers/Reader)

Summary: The super soldier's serum did not only give strength and endurance, Steve Rogers learned it at his expense and after decades of isolation, the vampire resumes service with the Avengers, hoping to be able to forget his nature to save lives. But your meeting risks destroying his hopes...or not ?

Warnings: blood, death, curses

Themes: vampire, transformation, love, heroism, choice

A/N. I don’t really like Captain America but...well, it was fun 

Translated with Google traduction, sorry ^^’

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23513203

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Chapter 3.

A wrathful voice echoes a few meters from the pasteboard decor and Steve puts down the files, intrigued and eager to change his mind. He pushes open the door, not at all surprised to find himself in a dark concrete corridor, and tries to find out where these vociferations can come from. In an adjoining room, much more austere than his bedroom, he finds a young woman waving sketches with an exasperated look under the worried gaze of the "nurse" who was at the soldier's bedside when he woke up.

- Have you ever looked at a photo? Or even seen a movie from that period? No wonder he discovered the hoax so quickly, he could see the strap of your ... rhaaa! It’s stupid!

You are deeply annoyed that no one took the time to listen to you before launching this ridiculous masquerade. You would have taken the time to take care of the costume down to the smallest detail, to ensure that the underwear is also vintage or even that the agent's hair is tied. But nobody is listening to you, nobody! With a wave of your hand, you dismiss the young lady who fled by snapping her heels, her man's tie (another mistake) hopping at each step. Exhausted, you drop into a chair with a dramatic sigh, not immediately noticing the man with the impressive build who enters the room. Politely, he clears his throat.

- Hmm ... You seem to know a lot about 1940s fashion.

You jump and look up, detailing the newcomer for a fraction of a second (you couldn’t resist) before taking control.

- I ... I love a job well done. It was a very elegant period.

Agent Carter, she was a beautiful woman who should have served as a reference. But obviously, you will not make this remark out loud, already knowing the relationships that Captain America had with her. Instead, you stand up and reach out to introduce yourself.

- Agent Y/L/N, I am delighted to know that you are with us. - Steve Rogers, me too, ma'am.

His big hand presses yours very gently, as if he were afraid of having too much strength and you smile. You know a certain Agent Coulson who will be delighted to know that his idol is awake. But for the moment, you appreciate having a face to face with the hero, not knowing if you will see him again one day. With a gesture, you invite him to sit down, pushing away the sketches strewn across your desk, a set of notes on vintage outfits, decorations ...

- Waking up seventy years after the war must have shocked you…

You’re trying to imagine how the young man might feel as he thinks about what to say to corroborate Nick Fury’s version. He never liked to lie, but he had to learn in the last century. So he nods.

- At the beginning, yes, but I'm glad to know that Hitler’s butt was kicked.

You have a laugh and he immediately appreciates this spontaneous sound, he is not sure to find much sincerity in this nest of spies. You think that he must feel very lonely, all his loved ones having disappeared or died.

- I know that this must be very confusing and that SHIELD is not really a warm den but I hope you can count me as a friend from now on. If you need to talk or just want to have a coffee, don't hesitate.

In spite of yourself, you replace a wick behind your ear, it was obvious that you were not going to stay stuck in front of the angelic air of the young man on whom you did a thesis. Well, to be precise, it was on "American and German propaganda figures in wartime, the conflict of icons" but you devoted a huge part to him.

- It would be my pleasure, Agent Y/L/N. - You can call me Y/N.

It'll probably take a while, but you'd love to be able to get close to him, just as a friend, of course. Unfortunately, it is not today that you will be able to get to know each other, an all-black agent coming to warn Captain America that Director Fury wishes to speak to him. You say goodbye quickly and watch him leave, thinking with a touch of emotion that you have thawed America’s ass, and successfully.

Chapter 1.

Murmurs circulate in the crowd of high ranking officers and scientists gathered for this major military and genetic advance. A super-soldier is an innovation that will pay off especially in these times of world war. Some people talk about money, a lot about peace that this hero of a new genre will offer. Installed in his capsule, Steve Rogers is far from being as enthusiastic, the heart beating strongly in his temples at the risk of deafening the final recommendations that are addressed to him. Already, they strap him, they prick him, they stuff him with tools to measure his heart rate, the thickness of his muscles as if he were only a laboratory animal and for a second, the young man is worried that the experiment would fail or, worse, that he would only become a clever monkey in the hands of the powerful ones. In a falsely playful tone, he turns to Dr. Erkskin:

- You save me any of that schnapps? - Not as much as I should have.

Anyway, he is not allowed to drink alcohol for a dozen hours, to make sure everything is in order. With a distracted ear, he listens to the scientist interact with Howard Stark, his attention constantly returning to Agent Carter who constitutes a warm presence in this huge icy room full of white coats. Before she goes to join her superiors, she takes the time to give him an encouraging smile and Steve regains some courage. A nurse sticks a needle in his arm, the sensation lasting only for a moment.

- That wasn’t so bad. - That was a tetanus shot.

Erskine exchanges a look with the patient but adds nothing, letting the maneuver continue as several tubes filled with blue liquid are brought in. The cold plates make the subject's thin body shudder, concentrating on his breathing. A reassuring hand is placed on his shoulder as he tenses up when he feels the serum penetrate his body. That's it, it's time to become a legend or die in front of a hundred people, nothing to worry about. The cabin closes in on him and after a final attempt at humor, Steve grits his teeth and prepares for the worst, repeating why he is doing all this, thinking about this war that he can end, all these soldiers who are waiting to see their mother, their sister, their relatives. He thinks of Bucky, it's his turn to protect him.

The cabin begins to radiate intense white light as if Steve is turning into a being of light and they will need an angel to defeat the dark forces that are crushing Europe. Everyone holds their breath as the silence fills with the roar of the Vita rays pulsing in the metal box. The buzz is soon joined by a cry of pain that goes on and on, cracking the certainties of some of the spectators who look at themselves, worried. They scream to stop everything, they shout his first name but Steve refuses, he can still hold on, there is no question that everything fails because of him. He is strong enough to bear it. The devices crackle in sparks in a final cacophony then everything stops, humming, blinding light and breathing of scientists and soldiers who, all, watch for a sign of life in the cabin. Is he dead ? Is he alive? Even Rogers is wondering as the doors open and he regains consciousness, his muscles on fire as if he had been passed under a tank. If he is in pain, it is sign that he is still alive, but in what condition?

Abs, abs, abs ... This word goes through more than one spirit as the result of the experiment is revealed, tall, muscular, glistening with sweat : a success. Some officers find themselves feeling more aroused than they should, coughing seriously as they rush to get a closer look at this super soldier they've been promised. Steve lets himself be supported by Erskine and Stark coming down from the capsule, his mind still foggy and struggling to understand how much he has changed. He is just sure of one thing, to see all these people gathered and who measure for the most a good less head than him: he grew up. As they begin to applaud and congratulate themselves, another thought comes to gnaw at the soldier's birth joy: how much has he changed inside? While cheer is a must, Steve sincerely hopes to rise to the challenge and become the hero the world needs, not just another monster.

***

Captain America, a somewhat snoring name but one that the young man has been carrying better since he delivered his friend from the clutches of HYDRA. Their exploits are starting to make headlines and enemy troops are increasingly worried about seeing the man with the blue, red and white breastplate appear. It took the soldier a while to get used to his new body and new abilities, but now he has mastered his strength and his shield to perfection, much to the amazement of his companion, James Barnes. The latter is just beginning to understand that he is no longer the protector in their duo, even if he still looks down to look for his almost brother, before remembering. Today, as he walks amid the smoldering rubble of a Nazi base, the young man has definitely regained hope for the future, carried (in part) by a little guy from Brooklyn.

- Steve? Where are you ?

Bucky sets out to find his partner, moving away from his comrades who sing their victory in a mixture of German, French and English. His worn boots resonate as he sinks into the dark, his gun in his hand and his senses on the alert, watching for shadows in search of a possible enemy. Soon, he finally see Steve's muscular back, molded in his blue mud-stained uniform. Bending over something, the hero seems focused on his task and does not immediately hear his friend, realizing too late that he is no longer alone.

- Steve ...

The man's livid face twists into a painful mask as he meets a shocked look, the soldier tensing his hand on the trigger of his weapon even if he does not shoot, frozen.

- Bucky ... I can explain ...

His voice broken by fear contrasts with the vision of the inert body near him, his throat ripped and scarlet like the octopus on his uniform, with the blood flowing on the chin of the famous Captain America.

Chapter 2.

Alone in his bunk, Steve cannot sleep, constantly crossing and uncrossing his thin arms to try to get the anxiety out. Tomorrow, he will finally be able to serve his country as he dreamed and he is delighted but that does not prevent him from being worried. With his usual compassionate air behind his glasses, Dr. Erskine joined him with a bottle of alcohol, fully understanding how tense the young man can be. Himself is far from being calm, didn't his last subject become a monster? As Steve voices his doubts about his legitimacy, the scientist feels it is time to reveal some things, secrets that make the enemy even more terrible.

After grabbing two glasses, Abraham begins to speak in his soft, pensive voice, as if he were counting a story, his story. The best ideas can become weapons if they fall into the wrong hands, and if so, should we really blame the inventor who just works under the threat of a weapon? In a few words, Erskine paints a portrait of the head of HYDRA, this Schmidt obsessed with power and the occult arts, ready to sell his soul to acquire supremacy. Captivated and understanding what role the supersoldier formula could have played in this plan, Steve asks:

- Did it make him strong?

His friend looks down, the images going up in his memory, as vivid and burning as a brand with a hot iron. Whatever the outcome tomorrow, he can never forgive himself for his failure, only trying to compensate for it.

- Yes, but there were….other effects. The serum was not ready, but more important, the man... The serum amplifies what is inside. Good becomes great... Bad becomes worse.

Schmidt was bad, rotten to the core and the serum only exposed this darkness to everyone's. Each time Abraham closed his eyes, he saw the gray skin, the protruding veins, the pupils as scarlet as the blood that the Nazi was thirsty for, so thirsty. Here in the United States, the word "vampire" sneers but it is this, a terrible and voracious creature that will not stop until it has bled the world to the last drop. Chasing this image to return to the present, the scientist pours schnapps in the two glasses while explaining to Steve how important his physical weakness and his sense of justice are.

- Whatever happens tomorrow, promise me you’ll stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier...but a good man.

They cheer, but before the young man can take a sip, Erskine reminds him that he must be fasting for the next day's procedure. Docile, Steve hands him his glass and lets the genius scientist get drunk in his place since he doesn't need to be fasting. And, thinks the old man, it may be better not to be sober. Did Rogers even understand how much this experience was going to affect him? It's not certain, but Abraham doesn't feel strong enough to talk about it any longer. It may be a sign of cowardice but he prefers to leave his hopes to this young man so invested, determined and pure.

Chapter 3.

The war is over. Nazi Germany was defeated and the world slowly fell back to sleep in a peace intended to make people forget the horrors that were more than 50 years ago now. Forces continue to operate to seize power but in a much more subdued way, the fighting between Good and Evil is now held in the utmost secrecy. Housed in a replica of a 1940s hospital room, the man known as Captain America reads and rereads files for information. Obviously, he plays the idiots as he was asked, affecting not to have known the last decades. To his amazement, the idea that he could have been frozen in a block of ice comes as no surprise, and this version was swallowed by the agents who come and go in the corridors chatting. Perhaps it is a more acceptable vision of things than the truth.

Slowly, the young man raises an arm in front of his face, the rays of a false sun hitting his skin as he thinks of what he is, a supernatural and immortal being that people are once again seeking to enlist to save the world. Although he was told about a team, made up of Tin men, Nordic gods and greenish monsters. This Nick Fury must be crazy to want to surround himself with such fairground phenomena ... or a genius. The vampire's blue eyes veil slightly when he thinks of Dr. Erskine, who died far too quickly before he can guide the young man into his new life. So far, Steve has refused to join civilization and its wars: Vietnam, Korea, he has avoided all of them but what would his mentor say about the next? Would he encourage him to join this SHIELD and his hero program?

- I don't care about the rush, you could at least have put on a suitable bra! Round cups, I don't believe it!

A wrathful voice echoes a few meters from the pasteboard decor and Steve puts down the files, intrigued and eager to change his mind. He pushes open the door, not at all surprised to find himself in a dark concrete corridor, and tries to find out where these vociferations can come from. In an adjoining room, much more austere than his bedroom, he finds a young woman waving sketches with an exasperated look under the worried gaze of the "nurse" who was at the soldier's bedside when he woke up.

- Have you ever looked at a photo? Or even seen a movie from that period? No wonder he discovered the hoax so quickly, he could see the strap of your ... rhaaa! It’s stupid!

You are deeply annoyed that no one took the time to listen to you before launching this ridiculous masquerade. You would have taken the time to take care of the costume down to the smallest detail, to ensure that the underwear is also vintage or even that the agent's hair is tied. But nobody is listening to you, nobody! With a wave of your hand, you dismiss the young lady who fled by snapping her heels, her man's tie (another mistake) hopping at each step. Exhausted, you drop into a chair with a dramatic sigh, not immediately noticing the man with the impressive build who enters the room. Politely, he clears his throat.

- Hmm ... You seem to know a lot about 1940s fashion.

You jump and look up, detailing the newcomer for a fraction of a second (you couldn’t resist) before taking control.

- I ... I love a job well done. It was a very elegant period.

Agent Carter, she was a beautiful woman who should have served as a reference. But obviously, you will not make this remark out loud, already knowing the relationships that Captain America had with her. Instead, you stand up and reach out to introduce yourself.

- Agent Y/L/N, I am delighted to know that you are with us. - Steve Rogers, me too, ma'am.

His big hand presses yours very gently, as if he were afraid of having too much strength and you smile. You know a certain Agent Coulson who will be delighted to know that his idol is awake. But for the moment, you appreciate having a face to face with the hero, not knowing if you will see him again one day. With a gesture, you invite him to sit down, pushing away the sketches strewn across your desk, a set of notes on vintage outfits, decorations ...

- Waking up seventy years after the war must have shocked you…

You’re trying to imagine how the young man might feel as he thinks about what to say to corroborate Nick Fury’s version. He never liked to lie, but he had to learn in the last century. So he nods.

- At the beginning, yes, but I'm glad to know that Hitler’s butt was kicked.

You have a laugh and he immediately appreciates this spontaneous sound, he is not sure to find much sincerity in this nest of spies. You think that he must feel very lonely, all his loved ones having disappeared or died.

- I know that this must be very confusing and that SHIELD is not really a warm den but I hope you can count me as a friend from now on. If you need to talk or just want to have a coffee, don't hesitate.

In spite of yourself, you replace a wick behind your ear, it was obvious that you were not going to stay stuck in front of the angelic air of the young man on whom you did a thesis. Well, to be precise, it was on "American and German propaganda figures in wartime, the conflict of icons" but you devoted a huge part to him.

- It would be my pleasure, Agent Y/L/N. - You can call me Y/N.

It'll probably take a while, but you'd love to be able to get close to him, just as a friend, of course. Unfortunately, it is not today that you will be able to get to know each other, an all-black agent coming to warn Captain America that Director Fury wishes to speak to him. You say goodbye quickly and watch him leave, thinking with a touch of emotion that you have thawed America’s ass, and successfully.

Chapter 4.

Rubbing your hands covered with dried blood on your pants, you finally take a break after several hours caring for the wounded, civilians and agents. What the media already calls the "Battle of New York » will not have lasted long, a few hours at most, but the damage has been immense, the victims numerous. However, these are happy mines that flourish in the streets because the crowd has found new protectors and a whole team! No doubt that the coming days will be devoted to these heroes and their courage, you are looking forward to them.

Exhausted, broken and dreaming only of sleeping for several weeks, the Avengers finally return to base to take rest and you resist the urge to throw yourself on the neck of the man in a starry blue suit who is chatting for the moment with the famous Tony Stark. He has managed to drag the whole little troop to a shawarma restaurant and he is very proud of it. After giving the billionaire a friendly pat on the shoulder, Steve manages to slip away, promising to taste, next time, this dish stuffed with onions which he could not touch because of a nasty blow to the jaw. The poor man is exhausted from having fought for so long and if the sun, contrary to legend, does little to affect his vampiric nature, he does not like to stay in broad daylight for so long. It is therefore with joy that he finds the dark corridors of SHIELD and smiles sincerely when he sees you.

- Not bad for a start, Captain.

You can't help but tease him, enjoying seeing an amused glow light up the blue eyes of the nonagenarian. Even if you will not admit it in front of witnesses, this day was rich in strong emotions and not only when you came to the aid of the injured but also, and above all, because you only had one fear: to see the young man tragically dying in battle. Once out of sight, you do not hesitate to let out a sigh of relief, leaning against the wall receiving the backlash from all this accumulated anguish.

- It was fuc…so scary...

You who imagined keeping your calm in front of him, you feel your legs swaying, as if you had only just realized how lucky you were. It must be said that you were far from being prepared for a threat of this magnitude, an unimportant little agent that you are. Seeing your trouble, Steve reaches out with a shy hand to support you, holding you by the arm in case you want to fall. - We have succeeded, Loki will be judged on his planet, New York will rise again. You can catch your breath.

- I hope you're right ...

You straighten up, a little calmer, and raise a hand to spread a lock of hair in front of your eyes, by reflex. When he sees your palms dirty, your friend is worried but you reassure him with a gesture.

- It's not mine, I just healed a lot of wounds today. I'm going to go clean up.

The advantage of SHIELD is that they kept the old water fountains in the corridors as if we had never left the 80s. So you only have a few steps to be able to rinse your hands, conscientiously rubbing your palms to remove the brown plates. Maybe it's the sight of the water turning pink or the tiredness accumulated but Steve feels the hunger start to burn his throat like a fire and he tenses up behind you. Isolated in concrete basements, it is not certain that someone will pass by there for several hours and if the young man acts quickly, you will not even have time to shout before losing consciousness while he will drink.

- Casually, seeing you fight like that, it made me want to do something. - What?

Captain America shakes his head, chasing away the terrifying thoughts that had started to plague his reason, shocked by his own darkness. How could he have considered hurting you, especially you who are always so nice, so warm ?! Tetanized by shock and a devouring thirst, Steve does not make a gesture when you approach him, sliding your hand into his before standing on tiptoe to reach his lips, depositing a kiss of which you have been dreaming for a long time (maybe even before they thaw him, we all have a historic crush ...). The gesture is so surprising, so sweet, that the young man feels his vampiric impulses fade as the wind would chase a dark cloud from the sun. Without thinking, he hugs you with one hand and gives you your kiss. How long has it been since he tasted a woman's lips? Since Peggy, probably. You’re far from being the same, you don’t even have anything common, but it’s just as intense.

Too fast for your liking, you move away from each other and you touch the bruise that already marks the chiseled jaw of the hero before you step back, pink with pleasure and excitement.

- We will have to treat that... Rest, soldier.

Your face lights up with a big smile and you slip away like a teenager, displaying surprising joy for a SHIELD agent. Left alone, Steve still analyzes what has just happened, the reddened cheeks bringing out his surprised pupils. One thing is certain, he loved this kiss from start to finish, so much that you made him forget his thirst for blood…

Chapter 5.

The detachment sent by Fury to Sokovia has only time to deploy as the robots begin to attack from all sides, not hesitating to target the buildings to make them collapse on the fleeing crowd. While evacuating entire families, you have to shoot androids like video game characters and you are not alone in finding this surreal. However, you have had time to prepare for the past three years, as your intensive training has made you much more effective on the field. As a gas cylinder explodes a few meters away, carrying half a dozen Ultrons, a colleague takes the time to joke.

- When it’s all over, Thor should invite me to dinner. - In that case, do you think Wanda Maximoff will be free for a coffee? I don't know yet if I want her or want to be her.

You laugh at your own remark before dodging a projectile, refocusing on your task to help everyone go to safety. The terrified screams mingle with the explosions and the rumbling of the buildings which are falling apart but you are not afraid, you do not have time to be afraid. You run through the streets, adrenaline pumping through your veins and making you more confident. A robot appears between you and a couple who remains paralyzed by fear, the two men taking each other's instinctively by the hand when they see their last hour arrived. Without waiting, you draw your weapon, aim the metal head where there is a chance of finding a weakness. Your bullet penetrates the metal without succeeding in destroying the attacker but it has the merit of attracting his attention.

- Run!

You are ordering civilians without trying to find out if they will understand, relying on their survival instinct to take off as quickly as they can. The android rushes towards you by launching a projectile that you avoid justice, the impact tearing off a section of wall that falls to dust. By reflex, you strike where you can to unbalance the machine, shooting without having time to aim. An iron fist closes on your wrist and twists it to make you drop your weapon, two expressionless eyes darting on you a blue gleam. Taking advantage of being lifted by the android, you band your muscles and throw your legs into the robotic chest, hoping to make him let go. You succeed and your opponent impaled on a metal rod protruding from the wall before dying out. No time for a well-felt response to the dangers of tetanus, you catch your breath and pick up your gun. A deafening roar suddenly sounds, filling the whole space, louder and longer than a thunderclap. In your headset, the officers panic, shouting that the ground is cracking under their feet, the city splitting in half like a cookie. You can feel the vibrations, see the buildings lose their height and your confidence falters slightly. How to save a city that is falling apart?

- I'm going to do my best ... I have to.

With this decision, you return to combat, hoping that SHIELD will quickly send something to evacuate the civilians. As for the heroes who are currently fighting the origin of this chaos, you can only pray that they come out victorious and all alive. You refuse to worry about them and for one in particular, it would only slow you down. But that doesn't stop you from threatening in the wind, without fear of being rebuked for your language.

- Steve, if you die, I summon your ghost and kick your ass.

He is busy on his side, issuing orders, hitting enemies with his shield, working as a team with Agent Romanoff when their paths cross. His superhuman strength is very useful in destroying robots, but he can do nothing if the city crashes. It is out of the question that Ultron causes more losses, the hero will prevent it by all means. Like you, he is determined to do everything, until he has no breath of life. Between two attacks, he thinks of you, your smile, your jokes, the feeling of your body under his. If he survives, he'll admit certain things to you, you've been waiting too long and you've offered him so much ... he has to be honest. But for that, it is still necessary to stop the demonic puppet created by Stark.

Nick Fury's rescue vessels arrive, deploying all around town to collect civilians and transport them to safety. When you learn this, you breathe a sigh of relief even though there is still a lot of work to be done. Around you, the world is nothing but metallic ruins and wrecks as the ground continues to shake. Robots fly over your head, shooting everywhere at once, increasing panic. Officers disperse to guide the crowd toward the rafts, their orders hardly covering the hubbub. You run everywhere, supporting the wounded, redirecting groups to keep them safe. Many people have been knocked down and trampled on in panic, they must be helped by trying to remain calm despite the calls, the terrified screams, the explosions.

- Помощь!

A child drums against the window of a car, coughing and crying at the same time begging you to come to his rescue. On the driver's seat, the one who must be his mother is unconscious, her forehead bloody. You rush and try to open the door but it is pushed in, the twisted metal preventing any opening. Not speaking Russian, you put your hand on the glass to reassure the little boy before telling him to step back as far as possible with gestures that you hope are simple but clear. It takes a little while for the child to obey, but when you shatter the window, he has the reflex to protect himself with his arms. You slide into the passenger compartment to take the little guy against you, whispering comforting words while trying to keep a soft and calm tone even if you see the smoke starting to escape from the car. You are running out of time, you cannot save the mother and if you delay too long, the three of you will die. Despite the child's screams, you start running towards the lifeboats, telling yourself that there is nothing more you can do, that you are saving a life.

The breath of the explosion hurls you forward and you hit the pavement covered in debris as you roll with the little boy hugged, absorbing the shocks. Stunned, you try to get up but something lifts you off the ground and takes you away immediately, so fast that you barely have time to realize what is happening before being placed in the midst of the survivors with your precious load. A young man with white hair gives the mother of the child to whom he can provide care, taking the opportunity to catch his breath. You get up with a painful, relieved grin.

- Thank you, Mr. Maximoff. - Pietro. Or Quicksilver, if you get me a drink.

He winks at you and starts off in a flash, disappearing as quickly as he came. You decide to do the same, you don't have much time left to evacuate the population, the city is already way too high in the sky. Ignoring your limbs screaming in pain, you leave the ship by drawing on your last reserves. A real hero fights till the end.

***

Sokovia collapsed in a rain of stones and dust but its inhabitants are unharmed, taken in by SHIELD for time to be treated and placed in a safe place. As the debris continues to fall into the sea, Steve Rogers circles the heliporter to reassure civilians, taking the time to offer comforting words to those in need. But seemingly, his blue eyes are looking for a particular shape, and he feels divided between anxiety and relief by not noticing you. Although, he soon smells a familiar but oh so terrifying smell: that of your blood. Hidden out of sight like a dying animal, you are seated against a wall, your hand pressed against your black, sticky side.

- Y/N! - Hush... there are some who rest here ...

You stick out your tongue, happy to see him even in these circumstances. Seeing his gaze slid towards your wound, you shrug with detachment.

- There are already far too many injured people to be treated, I am not a priority.

The young man cannot blame you, he would have exactly the same reaction if he was injured. And if he were mortal too. Suppressing his urge to give you a sermon, he kneels down to be at your height, running a hand over your livid, already frozen brow.

- What happened ? - Oh you know, you walk in the street, you come across a robot, you fight, you are injured. Routine…

You’re proud that you’ve managed to get the words out in a coherent order, your mouth becoming mushy and your ideas muddled by draining your blood. You vaguely wonder if you could touch your guts by slipping your fingers into the wound, but it's an idea far too twisted to express it out loud. Instead, you smile at your lover, hoping that his presence will warm you as usual.

- Mission accomplished, Captain ...

It would have sounded like a good sentence before dying tragically but you still have a little strength, a little time maybe. Because you know it is no longer useful, you release your arm, dropping your hand without trying to compress your injury. You look at the hero's tight jaw, his mouth on which you have placed so many kisses, his eyes that fill with tears. Even like that, he's sexy, almost annoying. For now, you can read in his eyes how desperate he is but also the internal conflict that eats away at him. The young man loves you deeply and he has a way to save you and keep you with him forever but the price is too high. He cannot inflict this on you who knows nothing.

- Y/N… I'm sorry… - Do it, Steve.

You look him straight in the eye, very serious, while tilting your head to keep his hand on your cheek, taking advantage of this contact as long as it lasts. Your reply surprises the hero who widens his eyes without understanding. Poor little man so innocent, you really have to put the dots on the "i".

- Transform me, honey, you have my permission.

If he could hurry a little, it would work out, but Steve is too shocked to react, opening his mouth several times before stammering.

- You knew ?! - Of course... but that doesn't change anything for me.

You smile, obviously you knew, you read his files and then you have been around him long enough to be aware of certain things. Nick Fury is also aware and it even makes sense. He’s the head of SHIELD, he wasn’t going to welcome the first guy with a flashy costume on the pretext that he would have saved the world. Your body no longer supports you and you slide on the ground as a black fog fills your head, obscuring your vision, vaguely feeling the blood soaking your clothes.

- Shit ... I put blood everywhere ...

You pass out before Steve can blame you for your language, your last words being neither grand nor elegant. You become a pale and bloody rag doll in the arms of Captain America, this man who has already lost so much. He whispers your name by caressing your icy skin, half cradling you without succeeding in driving your request from his mind. He can save you, he has the power but he refuses, it would not be fair to inflict such a life on you, made of blood and insatiable appetite.

No ... what is not fair is that he is still forced to sacrifice his happiness, that yet another person dies before his eyes. Erskine, Bucky, Peggy, he has given up on so many loved ones over time... It is not fair, he has done nothing to deserve so much pain. A rebellious anger swells the heart of the hero who furiously wipes the tears on his cheeks while looking at you. He always obeyed orders, did what he thought was right. This time he will act neither for America nor for a noble cause but for you, for him. At least you, he'll keep you by his side, he can protect you.

- I love you, Y/N.

Determined, Steve takes whatever he can to cut his throat, resting your mouth on the wound hoping that you still have enough life to taste his blood. The ferrous liquid falls on your lips and into your throat while the young man bites in your wrist as gently as possible, simply piercing the skin to collect a few scarlet drops. Let's just hope that the serum will change your metabolism as it upset Rogers' metabolism years ago. But it is too late for scientific considerations or logic.

***

- ... and it was because he was covered with the blood of his enemies that he was nicknamed "Red Skull"? - Yes, a very morbid nickname but which he wore wonderfully.

Sitting on your bed, Steve looks at you with tenderness as you ask him a multitude of questions, lying on the mattress and completely recovered from your injuries. Tirelessly, you pass and pass your arm in a ray of light, surprised not to fall to dust. You have to believe that legends are wrong about vampires, they don't really fear the sun.

- I haven't changed physically, I can go out in broad daylight ... It's easy to be a vampire, I don't see why you make a big deal of it! - It seems that you are a good woman, Y/N.

If it had not been the case, you would have become a bloodthirsty creature like Schmidt or, in the best of cases, you would have died and you would have been buried like any SHIELD agent who died during his service. Fortunately, everything is now arranged and you can lure the famous Captain America against you to kiss him with passion. After all, you have all of eternity before you.

Hope you liked it, don’t hesitate to send a nice comment. Take care, stay safe, you are wonderful 

to help yourself understand the Mueller investigation, read this novel

“This novel” being, of course, a stack of court documents filed in the course of the investigation.

Hear me out.

This isn’t to trivialize or sensationalize an ongoing existential threat to western democracy. Precisely because it is not a fucking game, I think it’s really important for people to get new ways into this story. Because it still seems alarmingly common for even generally well-informed people to throw up their hands and say “well, the right says ‘no collusion!’ and liberals say ‘he’s a Russian agent!’ but the partisans all seem really worked up, I guess the truth is somewhere in between/it must not be as big a deal as they think.”

Maybe sometimes that’s motivated reasoning or sheer ignorance. But it’s also possible that “this Rusher thing with Trump and Russia” is unusually resistant to understanding as a conventional news story. We want our news to be solid, with “hard facts.” Maybe this is more like gas. Like gas, it always takes up as much space as it’s allowed. On slow news days it can expand to envelop everything else; unrelated dramatic events can compress it down to almost nothing. And you can’t get a grip on gas.

This whole bizarre situation is genuinely unprecedented in American history, which is perhaps why special prosecutor Robert Mueller has been doing something unusual in issuing a series of speaking indictments. Remember, a bill of indictment is basically a list of the crimes that a prosecutor has convinced a grand jury that someone has probably committed. Prosecutors are smart to keep these minimal, because every fact they allege in their indictment, they damn well have to be ready to prove. A speaking indictment means that the prosecutor is saying more than they have to say. In a case like this – which deals with a lot of sensitive information, and implicates people who haven’t yet been charged or even interviewed – that’s even trickier, because there’s a lot it has to avoid.

Generally, when a person makes their own job harder, they’re doing it for a reason. And I think at least part of the reason here is that the special prosecutor’s office is trying to tell the American public a story. Our minds can comprehend dramatic plot lines more easily than the seedy, fact-heavy, choppily-paced web of a real criminal conspiracy. There’s a narrative logic to the pre-election events described in the most notable speaking indictments in the order we’ve seen them, moving relentlessly closer in time, space, and relationship to Donald Trump on Election Day, 2016.

So if you’re frustrated or baffled by what you catch of this story in the news or on your Facebook feed, it’s not because you, personally, can’t understand it. You might just need a new angle of approach. If you are a movie person, I can recommend the documentary Active Measures (Hulu, iTunes). If you’re more of a reader, these documents, in this order, can be read like an epistolary novel – specifically, a pulpy, beach read-y spy thriller.

Part I: United States of America v. Paul J. Manafort, Jr. and Richard W. Gates III

Part II: United States of America v. Internet Research Agency, et al

Part III: United States of America v. Paul J. Manafort, Jr. and Konstantin Kilimnik

Part IV: United States of America v. Viktor Borisovich Netyksho, et al

Part V: United States of America v. Michael Cohen (a)(b)

Part VI: United States of America v. Roger Jason Stone, Jr.

TO BE CONTINUED [probably]…

I’m serious. Download the pdfs onto your e-reader – remember to make a note of the order! – brew yourself some tea, and turn off pop-up notifications for a while. (Don’t get too hung up on figuring out who “Organization 1″ or “Person 2″ are - sometimes it’ll be obvious, but don’t worry if it’s not. You can just treat the big tables like illustrations: look and see what they’re about, but you don’t need to read every line to get the gist. You can also skip the last page or so if you start hitting headers like “statutory allegations” or “substitute assets.” There’s no post-credits stingers.)

These aren’t all the documents that have been filed in court by the special counsel, let alone in related cases, and I doubt even the courts have heard the whole story yet. Most of the documents related to former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn are still redacted. Maria Butina was charged by a different prosecutor’s office just as she was about to make a run for it, but her infiltration of the National Rifle Association could quite possibly be Chekhov’s gun. And it doesn’t even mention the UK spinoff! But I think they’re the ones that are, intentionally, useful to someone who wants to understand.

Still skeptical? Recap/analysis below.

Part I: United States of America v. Paul J. Manafort, Jr. and Richard W. Gates III

The first indictment of Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort took its focus far away from, and several years before, the main story, deep into a 2010 election in Ukraine which ominously foreshadowed the 2016 election.  Manafort, an old friend of Stone, a Trump Tower resident, and the employer of his co-defendant Rick Gates and of future Sanders consultant Tad Devine, ran the campaign of a buffoonish businessman who was in hock to the Russian government. Their strategy relied heavily on exacerbating ethnic tensions within Ukraine and seeding skepticism about international alliances, as well as a vicious smear campaign of his opponent, an accomplished public servant who would have been the nation’s first woman president. Manafort’s candidate took office, was exactly as bad as his opponents believed he would be, and had his opponent imprisoned and tortured – but was eventually forced to release her and flee the country for Russia.

Part II: United States of America v. Internet Research Agency, et al

The Internet Research Agency indicted Russian nationals who worked on the propaganda campaign, spending over a million dollars a month to manipulate American public opinion from a nondescript office building in St. Petersburg. The action starts in 2014 and picks up in 2016, but still takes place a continent away. It deliberately stays away from the hacking and dumping of Democratic party emails, and pointedly does not accuse any Americans of committing crimes.

Part III: United States of America v. Paul J. Manafort, Jr. and Konstantin Kilimnik

An installment with a foot in both worlds indicted Manafort and a Ukraine-based co-conspirator, while also showing Manafort’s corruption of a respected American law firm. This part shows us how Trump’s campaign manager – both his dirty politics and his illicit money – moved from Ukraine to the United States, set in the same time frame as Part II.

Part IV: United States of America v. Viktor Borisovich Netyksho, et al

Then another indictment did name the Russian military intelligence officers who stole Democrats’ emails in the spring of 2016, and traced their cooperation with “Organization 1,” which released those emails. This moves the story closer in time to the election, and shows the stolen data moving west from Moscow to Julian Assange’s hideout in London before being dumped on the American public.

Part V: United States of America v. Michael Cohen (a)(b)

The next installment targeted Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen, a New Yorker like Trump. Cohen pleaded guilty to hiding what appears to have been early 2016 real estate negotiations for a property in Moscow, and of committing apparently unrelated crimes to affect the election illicitly by covering up the candidate’s affairs in the weeks before the election. The Southern District of New York – filing at the same time and in clear cooperation with the special prosecutor, but not working directly for him – overtly said it could prove Trump’s complicity in crimes. Trump is tagged “Individual 1.”

Part VI: United States of America v. Roger Jason Stone, Jr.

Currently in the barrel is Roger Stone, a longtime supporter of Trump’s political career and an old business partner of Manafort. Stone has a colorful backstory of extensive wrongdoing, but his indictment is laser-focused on conversations he had with a known Russian intelligence cutout in the summer and fall of 2016, and the crimes and lies he tried to use to hide those conversations. This indictment mentions the Trump campaign by name, and it includes a lot of specific conduct by individuals who are not named but are nonetheless readily identifiable. The document is succinct, clinical, clear as a bell. But it leaves one omission which leaped out screaming at just about everyone who read the whole document.

[A] senior Trump Campaign official was directed to contact STONE about any additional releases and what other damaging information Organization 1 had regarding the Clinton Campaign.  

If you’ve taken high school English, you already know the million ruble question. “Was directed”? Who gave that direction? The indictment doesn’t say.

If you’re trying to avoid drawing conclusions the way a newscaster might, you would probably think it was not another senior campaign officer – otherwise, why not refer to them as “Senior Campaign Officer 2”? – but still someone important enough to boss around a senior campaign officer. Maybe if the candidate had adult family members who were not given official positions on the campaign, they would be suspects – though only because they could reasonably be assumed to be speaking for the most likely culprit. The simplest explanation for They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Pseudonymed is the most dramatic one. The candidate is not a senior campaign officer. The candidate is the candidate.

We don’t have all the facts yet. The only thing we can be sure of is that the special prosecutor has, quite deliberately, not yet shown this particular card.

But if you’ve taken high school English, you have a pretty good idea about the answer.

Okay, the genre snob reviewers might say it’s a little heavy-handed. Personally, I’ve always felt that subtlety is overrated.

Zuko X Male!Reader - through time.

Zuko X Male!Reader warnings: angst, mentions of homophobia, time skips ***spoilers for the ending of the series ah he/him pronouns used for reader *set during the episode 'the fire bending masters' in book fire [season 3] and later**DOES NOT go with canon, duh, it's fanfiction ___ requested by an anon!!!

word count: 7,020

(i was fixing the ending and ended up changing the whole thing and added 300+ more words ahhh)

___

It was still a shock to how it all happened. You were set on tracking down the avatar and bringing him back to the fire nation to finally earn your place among the military, where you belonged. Because that's who you were, that's what was meant to become of you, the groomed weapon and son of the highest ranked General in the Fire Nation Military. That's all you knew until you stumbled upon the avatar and his firebending master. One moment you were ready to see the end of the avatar, the next you were in awe of what he was capable of. You didn't think you've seen anything as beautiful as watching the two dance with dragons, it was amazing. The avatar and his master seemed so in tune with their firebending, and for such a stereotypically nasty and violent element, it was so serene and made you stop and really think about what you were doing.

What were you doing? You were here on a mission to trail the avatar and if all else failed, kill him, if the timing seemed fit. But why were you doing this? You slowly slunk away from the display back to where you set up camp deep in the forest to really think about what you were doing. This was horrible and you felt sick to your stomach. This was not what you wanted from your life. Through the fighting and training, it was all you knew, it was all you had since you were barely five years old. But, you didn't want this anymore. It was a blessing that you realized this was no longer the life you nor the one you wanted to live anymore. You knew now that the avatar was humanity's only hope from the Fire Nation's destruction. Before the two saw the two perform the Dancing Dragon, you had listened to the little group and the fog that clouded your judgment had been lifted. You always thought the destruction of the Southern Water Tribe and the take over of the Earth Kingdom were good things, proof of how powerful and wonderful the Fire Nation was, but you were wrong. Everything you once knew was wrong. All those events just showed how disgustingly evil the Fire Lord was. It wasn't until the next day you approached the group with your guard down. You needed to be open with them if you wanted them to trust you. As soon as you were spotted, the female waterbender froze your feet where you stood. You held your hands up in surrender, "I just want to talk," You stated quietly. The male with the ponytail was the first to approach you and crossed his arms, "How can we trust someone decked out in official Fire Nation clothing?" "Because I want to explain myself," You flinched with a pained expression as you noticed the curious eyes of the avatar. "Maybe you should let him talk," he stated but ponytail held his ground, "I mean, it wouldn't hurt anything. We gave Zuko here a chance, why not give him the same chance?" Eventually, you were unfrozen and allowed to explain yourself, "I am from the Fire Nation, I was sent by the Fire Lord to trail the avatar," there was a loud commotion from the male Water Tribesman of 'See! I told you so,' "I was sent to trail you and your friends, and if the time seemed right- to kill." All hands were raised in defense to fight and your feet were frozen once again, "But I have changed my mind. I was raised as a child prodigy seeing I was the son of General Bujing. I've been raised under the propaganda that the Fire Nation instills in all of the citizens. I-I've been following you all since you arrived at the Air Nomad Temple, and I've been able to hear what the Fire Nation has really done around our world. I thought they were doing good, but I know now that all they have done is kill too many innocent lives and instilled fear into the rest of our world." You bowed your head in shame, "I'm sorry for what I have done, but I know there can be no forgiveness for helping in the tyranny across the nations. But, I would like to make up for it, I can help you all," You looked on now with hopeful eyes, "I've been in those high ranking strategy rooms, I can tell you what they are planning and I am a master in hand-to-hand combat and various other self-defense techniques." The group was silent for a while, they seemed to be speaking with each other merely through their facial expressions. It was a sight to see, people close enough to be able to communicate like that. You haven't had a real friend since you were a child. A cough brought you out of your thoughts. "So, you said you know what they're planning?" The firebender said with a small grin and your feet were unfrozen for the second time. You let a bright smile surface on your face at the fact they were going to give you a chance, "I do, but it will take some time to explain," your smile fell as your grimaced, "This will not be pretty." -- The days leading up to the final battle Aang was destined to be in, you helped the 'Gaang' in every way that you could. You told them everything you knew about what the Fire Lord was planning, you showed them their moves so they could be ready to fight. You taught them all you knew about combat to strengthen their skills. They may have been benders, save Suki and Sokka, but you can't depend on just that. When they went to break into the Boiling Rock Prison, you were there to give them extra credentials and the mission went by flawlessly. Well, of course, there were a few kinks, but for the most part, it was flawless. Everything was great, you really thought you found friends in each of the teenagers, even the rowdy and loud earthbender. It wasn't until you all watched that horrid play did something finally click. "Y-You're Zuko- the Zuko? As in the crown prince of the Fire Nation?!" You squeaked and went ridged at his narrowed stared. Zuko clamped his hand over your mouth and tugged you around the corner and out of sight of all the island citizens. "Yes? I thought you knew this," He hissed quietly and folded his arms over his chest, "What's the big deal anyway? You were fine with me before, what changed?" He said in a softer voice, eyes now full of concern. You took a deep breath and couldn't help the blush surfacing to your face, "I'm [Name], the son of General Bujing, w-we used to be friends, before you and Mai started going out and before I was sent to train night and day. I was at first a disgrace to my father for being a non-bender, I couldn't refuse or else I would disgrace his name even further, do you remember?" You paused and darted your eyes away, "I didn't recognize you, I never saw you after you got scarred." Zuko eyed you for a while, straightening his back at your explanation. He was going to deny what you said, but then a flurry of memories surfaced. A memory of him playing with a little [hair-color] boy by the pond, and how the boy was just as excited about the turtleducks as he was. That was you. "[Name]..." He said softly and made you meet his eyes again, "I never knew what happened to you, I-I was told you didn't want to play with me every time I asked my father or yours." You smiled slightly at him and nodded, "I was told the same, my father told me you were a distraction from my training and that my training should be more important than childish things." The two of you chatted like the excitable teenagers you were as you caught back up with the rest of the 'Gaang'. That night, the two of you were inseparable and everyone took notice of it. Aang seemed a bit confused until Katara caught on and explained what was going on to him with a sly look in her eyes that unsettled you. "How have you and Mai been? I knew you had a huge crush on her when we were younger, did you guys ever end up dating?" You asked casually and took a drink of your water. "Uh, yeah, we dated for a while actually. But we've broken up multiple times so I don't know if we are still a thing or not right now. War kind of gets in the way of these things you know," Zuko said with an uncomfortable shrug of his shoulders. You smiled and nodded, "That's nice, I mean I guess it is." You looked down at your crossed legs, "You're right though, war changes things. I never had a girlfriend," You averted your eyes, "-or a first kiss or date," You pulled your knees up to your chest and laid your head on them, "We're just kids and here we are stuck in a war we didn't start." "Never?" Sokka cut in obviously wanting to veer away from the topic of war for right now, "Not even a little peck on the cheek?" He added sounding shocked. "Nope, not even a peck on the cheek," You laughed in response, "But it's ok, romantic relationships are a luxury only few can afford." "I beg to differ," Katara said in an offended voice, "Everyone deserves love and relationships no matter in they're romantic or platonic," She gave you a sad smile, "What did the military do to you to think like that?" You shrugged, "Took away my innocence I suppose." There was only silence after that. You were right, they just didn't want to believe it quite yet. -- Watching Zuko be crowned as the new Fire Lord made tears come to your eyes. It may have just been the beginning, there was chaos still reining throughout the nations, but everything could only get better from here on out. "I'm so proud of you," You said once you and Zuko were alone in the throne room, aside from Iroh, "I know you will make a wonderful Fire Lord." Zuko flushed at your praise, "Thank you, that means a lot." Iroh placed a heavy hand on his nephew's shoulder and beamed at him, "He's right, you'll do great I'm sure of it." "I know I will if you mentor me in all the political stuff," Zuko said back with a grin, "And if you, [Name], could help with getting our military back to a respectable organization, I would really appreciate it." "Of course," You said quickly, "I am more than happy to help rebuild the Fire Nation." "As am I," Iroh agreed before changing the topic and turning to you, "I know my nephew has Mai but don't you have a special someone to come back to?" You grimaced and shook your head, "No sir, I didn't have time for such things nor do I ever believe I will." Iroh ignored his nephew as he turned to speak to the members of the 'Gaang' as they walked in, "Why do you say that?" Now he sounded concerned. "Because you could say I bat for the same team," You whispered with a flush, "and I don't want anyone to know- I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or anything. I just want to be normal for once and not in my Father's shadow like I have been for all of my life." Iroh nodded in understanding, pulling you into a hug without a second's thought, "I'm sure you'll find someone out there for you, everyone has someone." You glanced at Zuko over Iroh's shoulder and shook your head, "If you say so, General." "Please call me Iroh, I thought I have told you this before." He chastised with a warm smile radiating over his features. With a laugh, you nodded and went over to greet the rest of the crew seeing you didn't have much time to speak with them before the coronation. -- Months later, it became too much. Even with the happiness of the Hundred Year War being over, there was a looming sadness that you couldn't shake any longer. With a deep breath, you walked up to Zuko in his office and stood before his desk where he sat, "May I speak with you?" The dark-haired male looked up and grinned before dropping the papers he was looking over and leaned back in his chair, "Isn't that what you're doing right now?" He teased. You smiled sadly at his words, now worrying the other, "I suppose. I was going to ask for some time off, seeing as you are my boss."   Zuko looked at you quizzically, "What do you mean by that?" "I need a break... I-I just need a break that's all. I thought I'd travel a little around." You stated with a sigh. The Fire Lord furrowed his brow in confusion, "A break? What's been troubling you? I mean, you can take off all the time you need, but if you want to talk about it I'm here." "I'd rather not," You said immediately, "But thank you. I'll write while I am away." With that, you left to go pack. Zuko was still confused by your sudden change in behavior as this was not the first time you have been like this with him, so... formal. He quickly shuffled away from his paperwork and went to find the one person who could probably answer his questions about you, his uncle. You have developed a strong relationship with his uncle as Zuko had with him. He was your mentor and friend and taught you the things a father was supposed to, seeing as your own father only saw you as a weapon. "Ah Zuko," Iroh beamed as he saw the boy walk into the garden, "To what do I owe the pleasure? Or are you just early for our afternoon tea?" Zuko smiled and sat down beside the older male, "I wanted to ask you about something." He quirked a grey eyebrow, "Oh? And what is it?" "Do you know what is wrong with [Name] lately? He hasn't really seemed like himself at all and just asked for some time off like I'm his boss or whatever." "You are his boss," Iroh deadpanned. "But we were friends first," Zuko sighed, "And he's never addressed me as his boss like this before too." Iroh hummed in acknowledgment, "Is that all you have noticed has changed about him?" Zuko looked at the older man in confusion before turning his eyes to the greenery in front of him and thought about the question, "He doesn't seem too ready to spend time alone with me anymore, as before we would often mediate together before the others woke up and so on," He trailed off, not really sure where his uncle was going with this, "He's uncomfortable around Mai, which is completely understandable, Mai gives off that vibe, but it does seem rather unusual now that I think about it." "Is that all you can think of?" Iroh prompted. "I guess overall he seems uncomfortable and... sad. Detached almost." Zuko said slowly. Why didn't he notice all of this before? He was supposed to be your friend.   They two stood in silence for a while, simply taking in the beauty of the garden he fell in love with as a child. "You said he was leaving?" Iroh hummed with a thoughtful look. "Yes, I assume he went to pack after he finished talking to me," Zuko replied. When Iroh chuckled, the Firelord snapped his head towards the man, "Do you know what's wrong?" Iroh shrugged nonchalantly, "I just suppose it became too painful to watch someone you love with another." He said cryptically. "If that is all, there are some things I need to attend to before our afternoon tea." Zuko let his uncle walk off with a look and air of confusion about him. He didn't have a clue on what his uncle was trying to say. - "[Name]." You turned away from your bag towards the voice from your doorway, "Yes?" You said, smiling when you noticed it was Iroh. "Are you sure this is what you wish to do?" He asked with a well hidden pained look. "Yes," You repeated as your face fell, quickly turning to your bag to see if you needed anything else before the boat you were taking left in an hour. "I think it's time. Every day I see him so happy and vibrant with someone else, and even though I love him, I can't continue to torture myself. I've tried going on dates-" "But only with women." Iroh interrupted with an unimpressed look. "But I can't make myself have feelings towards anyone else," You trailed off with a sigh. "Maybe if you came out, you'd be surprised how open people are about homosexuality," Iroh said placing a hand on your shoulder, stopping your movements, "You can't expect yourself to find love elsewhere when you're not being true to yourself." You bit your lip, "I know this. I do. But I can't lose him or my friends if they don't agree. I just need some time away to forget about these stupid feelings and emotions," You laughed bitterly as you furiously wiped away your tears, "My father was right about one thing, emotions are useless and only hinder your performance, and that is exactly what's wrong with me." "[Name]," Iroh said softly as he pulled you into a warm hug, "You know that is not true. I wish there was more I could do for you." You held tightly onto the older man. Savoring the warmth of the hug. "Could you make me forget about him?" "I would if I could, but I know that's not what you want," Iroh chuckled, holding you out at arm's length, "How about this. I have a tea shop in the Earth Kingdom that I have neglected these past months, would you be willing to run it for me for a few more months until Zuko is back on his feet?" You smiled warmly at the offer and nodded, "I would like that. It will be a nice change of pace for me, I think." Iroh beamed at you and brought you back into another crushing hug, "It's settled then. I will send you with a letter of my wishes. Sounds good? And I will see you off when you leave," He said as he headed out of your room, pausing in the doorway, "Which is when?" "In an hour," You mumble and bit sheepishly. "You are very ready to leave then," Iroh sighed affectionately. "I will meet you at the harbor then." "Thank you, Iroh, for everything." The man simply smiled and waved off your thanks like he did every time. - Iroh was the only one to see you off. He beamed as he handed you the letter about the tea shop, he was acting as if you were taking over the family business and you found it very endearing. He gave you a map of where it was and a brief rundown over the fact people still hold judgment towards you because you were of the Fire Nation. Even though the war was over, it would take some time to heal the wounds in the other nations. The older man eagerly waved you goodbye as you boarded the ship, even as you the ship drifted away and towards the Earth Kingdom. You didn't deserve his kindness, and yet here you were. You would never be able to thank him enough for all that he has done for you and his influence on your life. - - Life working at the tea shop was amazing. You weren't sure how you would adjust to it, or if you would even like it at all. But you fell in love with everything about it. The locals surprisingly welcomed you with open arms. The two girls that had been running it in Iroh's absence happily taught you everything you needed to know, from transactions to how to make the tea. Their names were Qin and Mina, and they were the sweetest. They were cousins that looked more like sisters than anything. Qin was the younger of the two at 19 and Mina was 22. They both had curly sandy blonde hair that they kept short and long respectively, and light brown eyes, though Mina's looked more like an amber than Qin's warm honey brown. You grew close to them, and after a few months of getting to know them and being friends, they were the first people besides Iroh you told about being gay. It surprised you that they laughed when you told them. "Oh no, don't get it wrong," Mina had said as she brought you into a warm hug, "Everything just makes so much more sense now!" "What does that mean?" You said nervously, even if you were relieved that they accepted you. "It means we have been trying to set you up for months but you have not been receptive at all!" Qin exclaimed as she ruffled your hair affectionately, "Have you really not noticed?" You blushed and shook your head, "N-No, I haven't..." They shared more laughs at your expense, not that you blamed them, you supposed you were more obvious about your sexuality than you thought. "That just means we have to start in on guys with you and all will be good!" "Oh no!" You said as you frantically waved your hands in front of yourself, "Please don't do that. I'll just embarrass myself." "Awe you poor thing," Mina said with a slight pout to her lip, "So obviously naive when it comes to romance, which means you need experience! And let us provide that for you with expendable boys to give you some experience." You groaned in self-pity and hoped you could fend for yourself as they tried to play matchmaker. - - It didn't let up one bit when Iroh finally arrived back in the Earth Kingdom to take over his tea shop again four months after you arrived. The older man found it incredibly amusing to watch you flounder in front of the guys Mina and Qin tried to set you up with. "How have you been adjusting?" Iroh asked as the two of you were cleaning up the cafe after closing. "Wonderfully," You admitted with a smile, "I like the simplicity of this life. Everyone is so kind here and so open. Even... Even with me being attracted to men, no one has batted an eye at the fact, it's amazing." You gushed as you went to the next table to wipe. Iroh smiled at your enthusiasm, glad you were happy at least right now. "I'm glad," He said with his own smile, "You are more than welcome to stay and to continue working with me here," He started, "You don't have to go back." You smiled as you looked up to the man, "Thank you, I would like that. I wish to return, but not right now and not anytime soon. The Fire Nation will always be my home, and people tend to always find their way back to their homes." "Until that time, you have a home here too." - - You were twenty-five when you returned home to your nation. During your time spent in the Earth Kingdom, you kept you regular letters with your lost childhood friend. If Zuko ever found out why you needed to leave the Fire Nation in the first place, he never alluded to in his letters. It was actually a letter from Zuko that sent you sailing back to your home. It was an emergency express telegram that was from a mere two days before. The letter stated that Mai had died shortly after giving birth to their daughter and that he really needed you and Iroh back home. He didn't say so, but you knew he was asking for emotional support and help. You and Iroh were on the next boat out to the Fire Nation. When the two of you arrived as soon as you could, about five days later (it was the quickest boat they could get on such short notice), you found Zuko secluded in his room with his newborn daughter Izumi. His eyes were worn and bloodshot from both the stress and lack of sleep. And you were sure from crying as well. You greeted your old friend briefly, offering to take the little girl as he caught up with his uncle and father figure. He gratefully accepted the help and you left the room with a slightly fussy baby in your arms. You didn't have a proper reunion with Zuko until a few weeks after Mai's funeral, as he was still in his mourning period for a while. Your reunion with the man was different than what you expected it to be. You expected it to be stiff and uncomfortable, even if you both kept in touch over the years, but it wasn't. He acted as if time hadn't passed and the two of you were still those teenagers who helped save the world and grew closer through those experiences. Izumi stayed with you mostly as Zuko went through his mourning. You simply inserted yourself as her caregiver as your friends went through the motions of grief. Even though she was just a baby, as the weeks and months went by, it seemed like the little girl attached herself to you. Besides her father, she seemed to favor you over the nannies and her wet nurse. And this did not go unnoticed by everyone. Iroh would give you a sweet and slightly mischevious smile every time he stumbled upon you and Izumi. Zuko, however, was harder to read when he watched you interact with his daughter. The firebender would watch your interactions with her very closely as if he was analyzing you. At first, you thought it was because he was protective of his daughter, but since he always left you with a soft smile, you weren't sure why he was acting like that. - Eight months passed and Izumi was crawling very good and starting to get into everything and anything she could find. She was a little terror and kept everyone on their toes. You didn't know when it happened, but somehow you managed to make yourself Izumi's full-time nanny if that would be what you called it. You took care of her the majority of the day while Zuko worked, as simple as that. Zuko didn't pressure you into your old position all those years ago, nor did he with you helping take care of his daughter. But being with Izumi felt right, and where you were supposed to be.   "I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you for all that you've done to help me with her," Zuko said as you both crept out of her room after putting the fussy girl down for her nap. You smiled at him and shook your head fondly, "I don't need any thanks at all, I love Izumi and I'm happy to have a part in her life." Zuko hummed in thought, neither of you knew where you were walking to, just simply walking to be in each other's presence. "I'm glad you're back," Zuko says as you enter the garden, "It's been lonely all these years without you." You couldn't help the blush that surfaced at his kind words, and you supposed that old flame never truly died. "I'm glad to be back, I never realized how much I missed my home." "You still consider the Fire Nation your home?" He asked curiously, stopping at the edge of the pond. "I always did," You nodded, crouching down to get a better look at the turtleducks and their spring hatchlings, "After everything, this will always be my home. I loved the Earth Kingdom and the tea shop, but I knew that one day I would return. It was simply at your calling did that time come." There was a beat of silence before Zuko uttered those words that you feared. "I'm sorry I never realized," He started quietly, "And I'm sorry I pushed you away." "I-I don't know what you're talking about," You denied. Even if you didn't look up at Zuko, you would picture the sharp look that would cut through your lie. "You are my friend, one of my closest friends," He corrected himself and sat down on the grass beside you, "I should have realized that, for one, that you weren't interested in women- I mean, looking back at it, it was so obvious," He teased, making you blushed harder. "And for two, that you were in love with me." He sighed and ran a hand through his loose hair, "With how uncomfortable you were with me and Mai, I just thought it was because she was a little rough around the edges, but I was wrong. I pushed you away without realizing your feelings, even if I didn't feel the same." "Zuko-" "No, this needs to be said," Zuko said swiftly, "I'm not saying I regret basically choosing Mai over you, she gave me Izumi after all, but I shouldn't have pushed you aside and ignore you completely." "Zuko," You repeated, looking up at the firebender, the boy you watched take the throne at 17 years old wasn't so little anymore, "It's ok, it's in the past and I've moved on," You said averting your eyes back to the pond, "I don't blame you for anything of the past. You didn't push me away, I left. It wasn't your fault or Mai's fault that I hurt when I saw you together. I was glad you were happy, but I needed some distance, to get over myself and recognize your feelings." "Don't think of it like that," Zuko said a bit sadly, "Your feelings, I should have taken yours more seriously like you did mine. You thought of me and my happiness before your own, and that's where I went wrong. I was supposed to be your friend." You smiled at his words and nodded, "It's ok. I hold no resentment or bad feelings about that. I've buried that a long time ago." The two of you sat in silence for a while, gazing at the water, watching the fish and turtleducks swim in peace. You missed his company, you realized then. All these years and you never realized how alone you felt without Zuko in your life. "Can I ask when you knew you loved me?" You started at his question and Zuko blushed at his own forwardness, "I mean, you don't have to tell me-" You laugh cut him off. "The day we saw the play about the Avatar on Ember Island when I realized who you were. You were more worried I would treat you different when I realized you were the crown prince than anything. I mean, I didn't realize until the next day when I really thought about it, but that was when." You blushed at your childishness, "I admired the fact you wanted to know for you, not your title, and with everything else, I knew my crush wasn't so little anymore." Zuko nodded to your words, his stomach fluttering at your flattery. "So you had a crush on me before that?" You scoffed and shoved the man next to you, hitting his arm as your face lighting up with a blush, "Don't make fun of me!" Zuko laughed at your antics, knowing you weren't serious about hurting him because you were a trained assassin, you would be able to kill him with only four of your fingers. "Hey, I was just curious. But judging by your reaction, you must have," He added slyly, grinning as your blushed harder and buried your face in your hands. Once you got yourself under control, you peeked at the male through your fingers and sighed, "I did," You said, "I found your emo, bad-boy kind of look very cute so of course I had a tiny crush on you. But then you just so happened to have a heart of gold behind those looks and I was done for." "With all this flattery, you'd think you still loved me," Zuko said with a teasing grin, only to have it fall when you tensed, "I didn't mean to insinuate anything-" "I know," You said, now avoiding his gaze again, "I just think that old flame wasn't completely snuffed out," You added in a whisper. Zuko was silent for a while, making you squirm uncomfortably and for a moment, you thought you completely ruined the relationship you had with Zuko. "Does that mean I have a chance if I were to ask you on a date? Like a real one?" Zuko eventually said, looking too bashful to be on the face of the Firelord. Your head snapped towards Zuko. Your mouth fell open to speak, but nothing came out. Was he being serious? "I know it seems kind of sudden, especially because of where the conversation started," Zuko started in explanation, "But when you came back when Izumi was born and stepped in as if you've been here for much longer, you were my savior. And the way you are with Izumi, I mean, I'm convinced half the time she loves you more than me and sees you more as her dad than me." You flushed at his observation, but you knew this all too. You fell in too easy, and you supposed this was why. "When I walked in on you bathing Izumi and blowing bubbles at her and her giggles bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, I think that's when I started to fall for you," Zuko said unprompted, "You just fit, you fit better with me than Mai ever did. I loved her and she will always hold a place in my heart, but the way you work with and around me and Izumi, it's so easy." "I'd love to," You blurted, "I mean, I'd like to start with a date, to see where things go," You mused trying to not seem too eager. "Great," Zuko beamed a bit too eagerly on his part, "How about this weekend sometime? I'll see if Ty Lee would be interested in babysitting, I know she'll get a kick out of this," He added with a faint shudder. He knew he will be cornered for all the details when he asked the girl. "That sounds good," You said standing up, "Want to grab something to eat before the princess wakes up?" Zuko nodded and took your offered hand to stand as well. As the two of you headed towards the kitchens, you talked about anything and everything. The both of you were hyper-aware of how close you were standing next to each other, your hands brushed as you walked and it would have been so easy just to grab ahold of his. But not yet. You needed this to move slow, for your sake and his. - - That first date ended up being the first of many. Everything progressed smoothly and you loved every minute of it. You were right in the fact that the old flame you had for the firebender was never fully out. You may have let yourself date in the Earth Kingdom, (men this time), but it was always Zuko in the back of your head you held a piece of your heart. Your date nights were every other Saturday, with either Zuko's personal maid or Iroh, when he was in town, babysitting little Izumi. Officially, the two of you dated for four months until you guys made it official, which was rather pointless because everyone knew you were together and exclusive. Iroh had a field day when he came to visit before the two of you were 'official' and called it as soon as he walked off the boat. "I knew the two of you would find each other," Iroh had said patting both of your shoulders before whisking Izumi from your arms, "Eventually that is." Because of Izumi, you didn't move into Zuko's chambers until she was almost a year and a half old. (10 months after your first date and 6 months after you became official). Even though ten months is a long time, you were worried you were moving too fast. You were worried about what people would think, because of how Zuko and Mai's relationship ended, you didn't want anyone to think that you had taken advantage of Zuko in a vulnerable state. Thankfully, Zuko quickly shut you up when you christened the bed with a passionate night and morning. He reminded you that he was taken as much advantage of you as you were him, but in all the good ways. That was when you knew you <i>loved</i> Zuko more than anything. Well, Izumi was neck and neck with Zuko. - - "Mai never believed in weddings," Zuko said as he adjusted your ceremonial robes, "But I always wanted to have one." "Really?" You asked, looking over your appearance in the mirror. "Of course, I remember all the talk of how wonderful my parent's wedding was, despite the circumstances, and I wanted something like that for me. But Mai was Mai." You giggled at that, "When I disappeared and we broke up, she was worried her parents were going to marry her off to the next best bachelor, so the whole thing left a sour note in her mouth." "I can understand that," You said as you turned to Zuko and picked an imaginary piece of lint from his shoulder, "But I'm glad you're finally getting one." Zuko beamed and brought you into a breathtaking kiss, humming and licking his lips when you pulled away slightly flushed, "I am too, and I'm glad it's with you." You smiled at the sweet sentiment, "I'm glad you're going to be my husband, but I am not loving having to wear women's ceremonial robes," You grumbled as you looked at yourself in the mirror one last time. "I am sorry about that, but it's the traditional robes for the soon-to-be spouse of the Firelord, and well, there's never been a man in your place before." Zuko said with a laugh, "They do make your ass look very good though," He added with a pinch to said assets. You squeaked at the pinch and huffed, and started walking towards the doors exiting your shared chambers, "At least that is a good thing," You said with a grin, "Does that mean you'll have fun taking them off after the reception?" You asked innocently as you left the room to see how Izumi was holding up to all the papering of being the Crown Princess. Zuko growled at your coyness and followed you out of the room. - Zuko proposed to you on your birthday when Izumi was four. You had been together for just over three years by then, but Zuko always liked to say you've been together since Izumi was born. You were always unsure of the idea of marrying, because Zuko was the Firelord, and there was still animosity out there for same-sex couples. You didn't want to damage Zuko's image just as he has made himself a name as the Firelord. But Zuko was having none of that. He proposed to you after he threw you a far larger birthday party than you anticipated. He had the entire throne room decked out for the occasion and invited many many people you knew and didn't know. Then he proposed to you at the end of the night after you opened all your presents. You instantly started crying and looked around to see if there was any sign of trouble. But all you saw was support from your friends, and the people you didn't know. "I know you're scared, but I would love nothing more to declare to the world that you're mine," Zuko had said as soon as you turned back to him, "I love you [Name], and nothing is going to make me ashamed of that or you. Will you-" "Yes," You breathed before he could finish, "I'm sorry I was ever scared. I will, I love you too, so much." You beamed and if it wasn't for Zuko's strength and height he would have toppled over at the sheer force of your hug. Your wedding was the next spring when all the flowering plants were in bloom. Many diplomats attended the wedding, not that you cared or paid attention to that. You were, however, beyond happy to see Mina and Qin in the crowd as you stood beside Zuko. This day was to be filled with happiness and love, and you were glad to see them, along with the rest of the GAang, and all your other friends from all over the place. The ceremony was very traditional and some would even call it boring, but you loved every second of it. "I love you," You whispered to Zuko as you walked to the throne room for the reception, "Thank you for making my heart whole." Zuko smiled softly at you, pressing a kiss to your temple, "I love you too, and I should be thanking you for everything. You are my everything and have changed my life for the better, in more ways than one." They say if you love something, let it free. You did let Zuko free when you left long ago, but you found your way back. Through everything, you found your way back to your heart and found a greater love than you would ever imagine having. All it took was time. 

My Criticism of Planet Puto

You know, just in case HC never finds about my criticism...

“Hello HC! My original criticism was lost…unfortunately but I`m determined to get my message to you. I wrote it on Word first before posting it in your submit. If you managed to get my old submission, then I`m glad that it worked, but if it didn`t then that`s why I have this. So HC, I wanted to do this for a long time but I needed to be composed of my thoughts first. Now I`m ready.

In this submission, I want to talk about the character development of your personification characters and character design. I`ll also talk a little bit of the lore by the end of the post. It is not intended for hate, it is just criticism. I am also aware that Planet Puto is more like random posts instead of comics or something. The reason I feel like giving criticism is for HC`s improvement in some stuff and to voice my concerns. Before I write my criticism, I would like to praise HC for her/his dedication to creating that group of Actor AU (I don`t know their names but it`s the Aswang lady and her Spanish-y husband and they had twins). I love your work since it has good art but mostly it`s because you post so often. Reading your posts become a part of my everyday routine.

So before we get to the specific criticism and tips, I`ll talk about my general problems with the personification characters. It appears to be, that the characters are used for meaningless fanservice. When I`m scrolling through the Planet Puto archives, once in a while I will see characters drawn with sexy poses or they have ship tease with someone. If it is part of their character, then that would make sense. So is everybody…smutty? It seems like whenever there is a major foreign country, they would be shipped with Elena or Emilio. There are entire pages filled with random pick-up lines from Emilio and all the art of Elena with the guys.

I`m not saying that shipping is bad. I think it is perfectly fine for some countries to be attracted to Emilio or Elena. What I don`t understand is…why? Why do those countries find Emilio or Elena attractive? What do they see in them? Please don`t say, that they love the Phils because Emilio is pogi and Elena is maganda. If that is the reason, why they love those twins, then that is not real love at all. Also…they can`t just be compatible because of politics! It is like shipping someone with another person just because they had a good business deal. It also makes me wonder if a country can even decide who to love instead of who they are told to by their bosses. It`s sad no?  

It would be best that you create the character before the ship. If you create the ship before the character, they may end up not being their own person. Also pair the ones, who are naturally compatible. It`s like food combos, there are basics like cheese and tomato go so well but when you experiment you will also find out that green mango tastes great with bagoong. Relationships, like food combinations, should be compatible. When people talk about food combos, you hear “The tomato`s freshness balances out the saltiness of salted egg” or “A bit of chili actually brings out the flavor of vinegar”, so characters should be like “He has a great mind but sometimes he can be really tough. She quite emotional but she can be the best friend you can ever have. Together, his heart softens and he learns how to get along with other people. She learns how to keep cool and keep things together now.” Characters by themselves are great, like peanut butter bread and jelly bread, but when you put them together, they are even better.

Be careful of red flags! If the relationship is starting to break boundaries, border on abuse, and toxic behaviors, please stop. It will just give the wrong message to the audience if you ship something like that. After all, in a food combo, if one of the ingredients are rotten it would make you sick. The pair should not be toxic to each other. You can still portray abusive relationships, but please don`t romanticize or encourage it because it`s not okay. It will never be okay.

 You must develop them first, though. After you got their character, then you can start thinking about shipping. They must care about each other. That is the bare minimum for a good ship. In psychology, people are more likely to be attracted to someone they have in common with but not too much in common. The thing they have in common could be anything like background, motivation, interests, etc… After that, be careful not to make them too similar or too different. To add special garnish, if the work has a theme, then it would be best if that ship reflects opposite or different sides of the theme. That would make everything really juicy. Remember to not force it, if they can`t match no matter how hard you try, then they weren`t meant to be. Move on. The best ships will just come into place.

Summary for writing ships:

-They must care for each other

-It must be natural

-They must have something in common but different enough

-Experiment

-Avoid Red Flags

My other general problem is random sadness. I`m okay with sadness, but the sadness in Planet Puto is very random. Everything is happy then boom! Sadness. I don`t understand what it is supposed to mean, what am I supposed to know here? There is a pattern of using historical events for angst. It would be much better if the angst was more built up and more meaningful if the characters had character.

Let`s start with the protagonist, Emilio. Of all of the characters, he is the one I have problems with the most. I find it hard to discern a characteristic to him other than a pabebe, a flirt, and a pushover. I`m sorry if that is insulting, but that is my own impression. He may not be like that, but the way he is portrayed gave me that vibes. So what makes a protagonist likable and memorable? They should:

Struggle: Hmm…does Emilio struggle? I have been searching all the pages with Emilio in them to know. None of those posts indicate really big things. I try to dig deeper like a Language Teacher but it is hard for me to see the meaningful struggle. All I see is meaningless angst. The problems that Emilio faces are politics, love life, and history. Politics, I understand that it is hard to live with such a corrupt government. What I need to know is…how does this affect Emilio personally? Normally, citizens of this country will not feel affected by politics. Sometimes they will be affected, but most of the time they would live most of their lives without worrying about this. It would be best to show how it affects Emilio on a personal level, so I can feel why.

Love life, it is now a more human problem. I wonder why personifications aren`t marrying each other by now. So many feelings and ship tease! Are they forbidden? If that is so, then that would be impractical. There are so many countries in the world, so at least one government permits a country to marry another country. I also wonder why Emilio only dated Brunei. I remember you said it is because of the union of the Kingdom of Tondo and something Brunei. So does that mean, whenever a country is joined by political alliance or merging of kingdoms, are they are automatically in love or dating? Heartbreak happens, it is a human thing but I hope it isn`t too much of a problem. There is such a thing as move on, right?

 History, now that could have a lot of potential. I think there is a lot of creative potential with this. The problem is…how do you portray it properly? The best thing to do is to look in history books and determine what he would be doing at a place in time. Give him a backstory based on the things taught in history. I know you are doing that, but I think it is unrealistic that Emilio is everywhere at once. How is he in a lot of historical events!?! There has to be an explanation. I think it could be answered by knowing his occupation exactly. What is his skills? What are his abilities? Does he have powers to help out? What does being a personification mean? These things could really help me understand how the plot works.

 (Out of topic: What is being a personification? How immortal is he? What if we cut off a personification`s head? Would they die? What if we chopped off their fingers? Would they be crippled or would their limbs grow back eventually? In your WWII drawing, Elena asks Japan to finish off her useless brother, so are you saying he can die? What if no one saved Emilio?

Do personifications get paid for being personifications? Can they resign? Do they have insurance or vacation days? Do they get a bonus? Do they get senior citizen`s discount, after all, they are older than our grandparents? Why do countries have a girl and boy version? Let`s say Emilio resigns from being Phil, would Elena have another twin?

What jobs do personifications do? Are they immediately conscripted to be a soldier, kind of Captain America? Captain America is a super soldier and also used for propaganda. Do they go in missions assigned to them by their presidents? I remember your Brunei and Phil post, that countries might be super spies by their governments. Is it really something like that? Are countries allowed to have other jobs? I remembered a post, I asked if personifications can have jobs. Emilio answered that he wanted to be a general, so he is not allowed to? He is the amang bayan after all, can he use his influence to get the job that he dreams of. Why can`t he be a general? I also heard your answer that being a personification means that you help people, how do they help people? Do they work in social services? Military? Education? Counseling? Psychology? NGO?

Can they have superpowers or are they as strong as an average person?

PLEASE ANSWER THIS, EVEN IF IT TAKES TIME. I CAN WAIT. You don`t have to make a drawing for it. Just type or draw if you like, I just really need to know. What if you randomly gave the characters abilities out of thin air? That would be really confusing. You might risk yourself with plot holes. We would be left out with the information needed to know what their life is like. If they have more detail what is their job exactly, then I would feel like they are more relatable because they actually have a life of their own other than being a mascot.)

Not whine: Back to one of the general problems, random sadness. Emilio is the one with the most random sad posts, so he has that main problem. I don`t know about you but if you put it in real life. It would sound like whining (I`m sorry). What is whining? It is a negative connotation of complaint. Complain is to express grief, pain, or discontent. It is okay to show strong emotion possibly even required but it would be weird to hugot it a lot.

 I already talked about the struggle part, not whining is the combo for struggle. Why? When someone suffers and they whine, suffer, whine, suffer, then more whining, then it would feel like handling an annoying baby. I know that they have pain but I would not respect them if they whine. They would be just like an average person to me, “That sucks, but the way you reacted made me not like you.”

Struggle makes the audience root out for the protagonist because it is natural human behavior to root out for the underdogs and struggle is what everyone goes through so it`s relatable. Not whining is what makes the protagonist respectable. Who has more virtue, a person that complains whenever there is something inconvenient vs someone who endures it instead?

A protagonist should be relatable hence, struggle, but they should also have something admirable because if they are so painstakingly average it is not any more interesting. We did not ask for reality to be displayed, we already live with that every day. What we want is to be entertained, learn, or feel something. A protagonist is someone we should admire, respect, and relate to.

In my opinion, Emilio in the Yandere!Adam event actually shows a bit of character and for the first time, I find myself surprised to actually care about a fictional character even if it is a little bit. What I am talking about, are the normal posts before that.

Be active: This is what makes an ordinary protagonist, entertaining. An active protagonist is a protagonist that shapes the plot while a passive protagonist is pushed by the plot. Why I believe that Emilio, isn`t an active protagonist, he is controlled by events. I have never seen an event that Emilio started because of his actions. For example, Yandere!Adam event, Yandere!Adam is the one that sets the events in motion, while Emilio just watches. I can understand since it is a Yandere!Adam event, it has to focus on Yandere!Adam. I just wish that there is an event of Emilio`s own doing.

(Out of topic: I feel like Emilio and Elena`s relationship isn`t that strong when I looked at the Yandere!Adam event. Letting your own twin die?! It affects me a little bit personally because I have a twin of my own. I would never imagine killing my own twin or letting that happen. According to research, boy-girl twins are even closer than same-sex twins, so they should be closer but they are not. Maybe it is because they were separated for so long, so that is why they aren`t that close.)

So in totality, I think Emilio needs a lot of work in his character.

IN SUMMARY:

-Please elaborate in his struggles

-Tone down the hugot

-Have an event focused on Emilio

-Add more to his backstory

-Tell us more about him

  So that is all with Emilio. The other main characters like Elena, Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao, Manila, Cebu, and Davao don`t get enough characterization. They feel like caricatures and stereotypes sometimes. I don`t get who they are supposed to be like. Cebu as INTJ really? As a fan and deep researcher of MBTI, it is hard to see why Cebu will be that. In a nutshell, my impression of them are:

Elena: Oh I`m going to help Emilio, get shipped with so many dudes, and do most of the country work.

Luzon: I`m Miss Serious who is kind of like Manila by design. I`m also the boss and hate insubordination.

Visayas: I`m the guy that has such a peaceful life and brown streak of hair. (Apparently, I also betrayed my countrymen by siding with Spain.)

Mindanao: ….

Manila: I hate probinsyanos! Especially Cebu. I`m swimming in the trash and I have problems…with Cavite. #ampalaya #lifesucks #dacapital

Cebu: I hate Manila! (Hehe I speak Bisaya so he can`t understand) I also don`t get along with Iloilo.

Davao: Yay! (Anime hair).

(Out of topic: I get confused with the glasses on capitals. You said that it was a sign of progress and you put the capitals of other nations with it. It feels quite the opposite. People need glasses to see, so when someone becomes a capital do they become visually impaired? Or they don`t really need it. Does that mean that glasses on capitals are like crowns on royalty? It gets quite confusing to theorize over simple stuff like that. It seems to be too much of a coincidence.)

I`ll talk more about character design later which involves the main characters.

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While writing this, I realized that foreign personifications were more developed than the main characters. They show more personality in a page than Emilio or Elena can show in 10 pages. For Adam, I thought his character design immediately gave me the vibes of someone who would be America. He tries to keep his reputation so he hides his brown eye with contacts and he hides issues to show that he is strong. When it came to struggling, I feel like that is implied. He seems admirable at some aspect and he sets the story forward as a colonizer.

His character design also gives an implication of his character. He has blonde hair and blue eyes (something that is associated with America), he has a blue business suit, red tie, and white underneath. That is the colors of the American flag! Colors like that are usually associated with heroes. I immediately saw a developed character in him. I wonder why that can`t be the same for Emilio or Elena.

Emilio`s outfit is a Filipino barong, he has sun-kissed brown hair, tan skin, and really, really light brown eyes. He is basically brown all the way through. While Elena has similar eyes, black hair, and light tan skin. Their outfits are traditional Filipino clothing. Luzon has a yellow tie and female business suit. Visayas has a red shirt and brown pants. Mindanao has a white robe with blue highlights. It seems like the island groups are wearing the colors of the Philippine flag.

 Their character designs are okay enough. It could possibly do better but it`s okay. When I mean to do better, I think you should modify it a little bit so it can look better. Like add detail to the clothes, use a different shade of color perhaps (the current colors aren`t bad on its own but I think it is best to experiment), and I think that is basically it. I get that you gave them really unusual eyes, to give them an anime feel (Personally I don`t like it, but I would not criticize that. It is your own personal aesthetic decision.). Maybe give Emilio and Elena an alternate casual outfit, the traditional clothing makes them seem like they can`t move on from the past (unless that is what you are going for).

The provinces are what I have a problem with. I can see that you tried, but some of them need work. They look unique but not unique enough. Sorry but, I think they look like branded food from the grocery sometimes. The Mindanaoan personifications are the most unique, Visayan personifications vary in quality but mostly unique, and the Luzones personifications have the most problems. I think you should do a bit more work in Ilocos Region, Cagayan Region, Central Luzon, CALABARZON, MIMAROPA, a bit in Western Visayas, and Zamboanga Peninsula.

Ilocos Region:

Pangasinan. Despite being part of Ilocos Region, he isn`t exactly Ilocano. He is Pangasinense. That means he has a different ethnicity than the rest of his fellow region mates. His economy and some of the way he acts is a bit different from the Ilocos. In all means, he is different from the other members. So he should look a little bit different. His fashion sense isn`t that good either. Come on! That collar shirt looks too long and does nothing to improve the figure. The hair is all levels baduy.

Ilocos Twins. They seem too similar to each other. It seems like the only difference is how they tuck their shirts and belts, and that Ilocos Norte is wearing a fake mustache. The minuscule detail is that Ilocos Norte has his pants tucked in more neatly while Ilocos Sur has slightly loose pants. You can differentiate them a bit unless you like it that way.

In general, they are kind of plain. It would be best to add more variety and fashion sense. (Unless you intended it that way)

Cagayan Region, Zamboanga Peninsula, MIMAROPA, and Western Visayas:

Make them a bit more varied.

Central Luzon:

Pampanga. My DEAR province would never wear something like that! It`s like he didn`t move on from the past. Bro, it is the modern days not revolution. Besides, Pampanga would wear a uniform during that period of time. In reality, Kapampangans like to dress well to the point it is a stereotype. Whenever there is an event or casual life, we always like to dress up. I think it would be best if he has a more fashionable outfit or you add something to the outfit to make it more fashionable. The most fashionable ones always seem to be the Metro Manilenos. It would be good if there are provinces that are really, really fashionable. Fashion is a really big deal.

What feeling are you trying to invoke when you made him?

 Bulacan. Really baduy. This outfit is something I imagined to be in a cheap fantasy project. The upturned collar according to historical events was a trend because it was “preppy”, so okay then I guess since it indicates character. The shirt is really plain and does not catch the eye. It feels like it was cheaply done. The color of mint green or light green used for the shirt does not add to his character. Light green is used to indicate the more positive aspects of green like growth or healing. Quite ironic, since his eyes were turned grey due to fireworks.

The outfit is even worse than Pampanga`s, at least Pampanga`s outfit is something that someone would wear but that is something I don`t see in a traditional outfit or normal clothes.

Others. Bataan`s outfit is also baduy as well as Nueva Ecija. Why do the girls always have to wear traditional clothing? What is Zambales ordinary outfit? He does not dive all day, you know.

CALABARZON:

I have fewer problems with these guys but...does Cavite have to always wear the uniform. I`ve seen him in a different outfit before. I wonder what his signature normal outfit would look like. Laguna wearing a baro`t saya…a classic for Planet Puto women. What does Quezon have that is different from QC? They are pretty similar.

 GENERAL CHARACTER DESIGN

Character design is of utmost importance because it can determine first impressions and show personality. What I`m looking for in character design is Personality, Color Scheme, and Symbolism. Personality is displayed by the little details like a business suit to indicate the character`s work-like personality or a suspenders to indicate a person`s old-fashioned/gangsta/a cop/compliments the figure of a muscular body. Colors have multiple symbolisms, blue can indicate dependability but can also give a depressing feeling. Light blue has more positive connotations but dark blue indicates the darker aspects. Little things like the wear the clothes are worn can indicate if someone is a slob or a neat person. Clothing can also indicate the standard of living, fashion style, personal preferences, and attitude. After all, you are what you wear.

Of course, character design is not just clothing it could also be a hairstyle, how the body is built, and stuff like gesture can add a push of characterization. Do they wear their hair in a neat manner or they have long hair? Things like that can indicate the beliefs of the person or attitude. Are they muscular? It might indicate that they workout, part of the military, or some physically demanding work. Are they thin? It could indicate that they don`t eat much, but why? See, that adds more character.

IN SUMMARY:

-BE FASHIONABLE (unless it is part of their character not to)

-MAKE THEM STAND OUT

-ASK “Why would they wear this?”

-COLOR IS IMPORTANT (research their meanings)

-COLOR SCHEME IS ALSO IMPORTANT (make it still look good, unless it is part of the character to clash)

Optional:

-Give each character a signature color that fits their personality

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Thank you for listening to my character design and characterization criticism. The lore is really difficult to get into. The only lore I can theorize perhaps is the Yandere!Adam with his eyes. That is basically it. I want to know where personifications come from, how immortal are they, and their origins. How was Emilio made? Did he have parents? Or he just appeared into existence? How are Elena and Emilio twins? How are they related to Mindanao, Visayas, and Luzon? You know, questions like that.

I`m sorry if I was offensive or anything. I really mean the best.”

Soulmate AU, Fated Failure 2/2

No one understood why you wanted to be a teacher, except other teachers. There was something wonderful about watching students’ eyes light up when they finally understood something. Being there to aid students as they grow and learn about the world was something magical you could never give up. You especially wouldn't give up your favorite day of the first semester, Career Day. Today was the day, for your senior students to realize that life didn't end after high school and that there were a million options out there beyond just going to college. Many of your students were on career, or tech tracks so this day was even more important for them. During your free period you made your rounds of the stuffy gymnasium making sure to give reassuring smiles to your students as they plucked up the courage to visit the different tables. The table for the welding, and construction groups were always the biggest attraction. You made your way down the center isle curving towards the tables set up for the military tracks. They were always the most imposing, and you typically found that if you chatted with some of the officers your students were more likely to approach. The recruiter standing alone at the Army table looked like your best bet. He was tall, and built just like the army men in the old war propaganda posters. You plastered on your best parent night smile and he smiled back.

“Good Morning ma’am. Looking to switch careers?

“Good Morning.” You laughed once his question registered. “I'm afraid my principal would die before he let me leave the building. I'm one of the teachers on the Senior team, just checking in. Everything going ok? You were looking a little lonely over here.”

Captain Rogers Ma’am.” He stated holding out his hand for you to shake “We’re doing just fine.”

“Well I was hoping if I broke the ice some students might wander over" you glanced around noticing a couple students make a wide loop hopefully in your direction. “Captain. I believe you said we? Are there more of you? I hope they’re not too young or some of my students may skip class to hang out here all day. I believe last year we had some lovely older gentlemen, and did not have to worry.” You laughed at the thought of your students harassing the last year’s recruiters as you’re sure they would someone as attractive as Captain Rogers. He smiled at your joke, and shook his head.

“Just Sergeant Barnes is with me today. I’m sure you’d like to meet him.” The Captain smiled wide as he looked around, hoping to grab his partner, he looked like he had something funny he wanted to tell you but needed to wait for the Sergeant. “We’re filling in for the usual recruiters but he seems to have wandered off.”

“Ms. Y/L/N?” a small voice broke into the conversation. You turned to see a student from your third period. “Sorry to interrupt-"

“Not at all.” you assured her, giving a side glance to Cpt. Rogers. “Captain Rogers was just mentioning the awesome opportunities to work with advancing Technologies through the Army. You know a lot more about that than me, perhaps you could take my place?” Your student beamed. “It was wonderful meeting you Cpt. Rogers. I'm Y/F/N Y/L/N if you or your partner find yourselves needing anything.”

You made a few more loops around the cafeteria before your planning ended and you needed to return to your other classes. You caught a few glances from Captain Rogers and gave an amicable wave as your eyes caught the hard stare from the man he had mentioned earlier. Sergeant Barnes was not the same clean-cut army officer as Captain Rogers, but both men did the uniform proud. You're fairly positive a few girls from your A.P course were considering signing up just to upgrade their boyfriends versus their resume. He stared liked he was trying to see into you versus catch your attention. You felt a slight blush, and hoped it wasn't over something embarrassing like your skirt being tucked in your underwear. You broke the staring contest and casually ran your hands along your skirt. Everything seemed fine, and you had worn stackable bracelets so you knew it wasn't your two favorite words that had caught the eagle-eyed Sargent’s attention. Finishing your last goodbyes to a few doe-eyed students all dreaming of bright futures, you decided it was time to return to your classroom. You thought you heard someone shouting after you from the gymnasium, but when you turned no one was there. You figured the student could find you later.

The rest of that week, and the next passed with a lackluster routine. Midterms were coming up. and if the students wanted follow any of those careers they needed to graduate high school as well as your class, first. You found yourself sitting on a stool at the island in your kitchen thinking over the last essay question you needed to write for the midterm exam. You fingered the stem of your wine glass letting your eyes trail around the living room of your apartment. Your life always walked the fine line between cozy clutter and utter disaster. You couldn't quite decide where it fell today. Your work pants were hanging off the back of the couch. but you could see the floor throughout the apartment. That counted as a win, but the dishes mocking you from the sink said otherwise. The bookshelf you put together from IKEA was almost full enough to buy another, maybe you needed to take more books to your classroom versus leaving so many in your apartment. A knock at the door broke into your musings. You looked at the door waiting for it to yawn like the doorknob in Alice in Wonderland and explain to you why anyone was at the door when you had made yourself cook for once instead of ordering take out. You slipped off your bar stool, and snagged the pants off the sofa shuffling them back on as you moved toward the door.

You pulled the button through the loop as you squinted through the peephole. While your door may not have yawned, your evening was getting curiouser and curiouser. Sergeant Barnes was standing, well shuffling, on the other side of your door with a bundle of sunflowers. The bright yellow flowers stood out against the dark hues of his uniform. His hat was tucked under his right arm, hair longer than you what you imagined was regulation. Your brain ran through every scenario that could have landed him at your door. None of the good, and most of them made zero sense. The nervous biting of his lip is what finally did you in, and you decided to open the door. Furrowing your eyebrows, you tried to find a pleasant reaction to wear as you opened the door. His reaction when the door swung open told you that your face had opted for the high school tested and approved “what shenanigans are you up to now" expression over the “friendly welcome.”

“Hello...Can I help you?” you asked slowly, realizing he wanted you to speak first.

“Hi. Ma’am. Umm. I'm Sergeant James Buchannan Barnes. I don't know if you remember me -but uh.” He stammered like a freshman trying to piece together a presentation in front of their class that they had forgotten to memorize.

“Yes. You were at the Career fair at the high school, but I don't believe we had the chance to be introduced.” You realize you should have been more concerned by the entire exchange. There was a man you hadn’t spoken a word to, standing outside your door like you had a date that you had forgotten about. However, despite being very confused, you felt completely safe. Despite the at least 6ft tall wall of muscle in front of you, you felt less stressed than you had all week. You allowed a small smile to drift across your face and leaned against the door frame in a more relaxed position. “Captain Rogers passed along your name, but I can't imagine I made enough of an impression on him to have him sending a Sergeant to my door with flowers.” You hoped a joke would cause him to stop looking like your door was the entryway to a firing squad. However, he didn’t appear to like the insinuation that the flowers were from the captain if his hands tightening around them were any indication.

“No. Well, yes we did not meet officially at the fair- the uh flowers are from me- you see" the Sergeant ran his hand over his face and wrapped it around his neck pulling at his collar as it moved back to its home squeezing the life out of the sunflower stems. “God why is this so hard"

You smiled again, waiting for him to continue. You were starting to think this was going to be the beginning of your hallmark movie, and this man you barely knew was going to profess love at first sight. You told the thought to stop right there. Attractive as he was, you weren't his soulmate. You let the cloud of sadness pass you by and tried to look reassuring to the poor man still hunting for the elusive English Language.

“You see Ma’am. We actually met before the fair.” You allowed the shock to show on your face. “We met at the park, I believe I uh told you to fuck off?”

Your eyebrows joined the rest of your hair at the top of your forehead. If you hadn't spent the last several years fine tuning your temper control with hordes of high school students you would have slammed the door in his face and never looked back. Hell, temper aside you still wanted to slam it. You also wanted to push him, and tell him to fuck. Off. You knew the steam leaving your ears must be visible. The army man stiffened and tried to finish his speech.

“I came to apologize. I thought- I thought you were my friend Steve. Captain Rogers who you met at the school. He threw the Frisbee. I was mad- I didn't realize- I thought it was him coming to chide me for running into a damn tree like an idiot. God, Doll. I am sorry. I was an ass. I promise I am not always an ass. Please give me a chance to prove to my soulmate that she's paired with a fuck up, not a complete and total dick.”  A nervous smile moved across his features, he tried so hard to look remorseful and apologetic.

You huffed. He was your soulmate, you had to let him try. You'd spent your entire life with the F word tattooed on your wrist. You could handle anything at this point. You needed to give him a chance, but that didn't mean you couldn't make him work for it.

“How exactly did you get my address Sergeant?” You used your best disappointed voice. “Who at my school is getting fired over your chivalry?”

“Shit. Um. I promised I'd keep the name to myself. But I did promise to lead some safety assembly in exchange? It’ll be the worst hour of my life, especially since Steve will have to come. Who the hell knows what it'll take to make that happen. But I figured, well I hope a chance to fix things with you will make it all worth it?”

Barnes gave a shit eating grin after the last thought, hoping his suffering for the children would get him on your good side, or at least out of the penalty box. You let out a disgruntled sound.

“Let me try to fix this,” he continued. “Let me buy you a coffee, let you see the guy behind the shoving and the swearing.” Crossing your arms, you decided for one more jab before you let it go.

“I don’t drink coffee.” You allowed his face to fall for a few seconds before you continued. “But I know a place that makes great hot chocolate down the road. Let me out these in some water before we go.”

           He passed you the flowers, and you heard him let out a deep breath. You turned your back but he stayed in the doorway. You looked at him smiling the first real smile he had the privilege of experiencing. You thought for a second he may have stopped breathing.

“That's as close to an invitation to come inside as you’re going to get Sergeant. Better grab it while it lasts.” The smile you received in return was worth every bruise on your heart.

“Please call me Bucky.”

“Feel free to call me Y/N.” You leaned under the sink to grab a vase. “Well. Bucy. We are going to need to work on that mouth of yours. I am an English teacher I'm sure we can find some less colorful phrases for you to try.” He laughed and mumbled something your ears didn't quite catch. You shot him a look waiting for him to try again.

“What kind of teacher doesn't like coffee?” He said smirking. Realizing your opportunity, you let the widest grin move across your face as you grabbed your keys to move toward the door.

“Oh fuck off Bucky.”

After years of hating your soulmate tattoo, you finally let yourself laugh it off, and the melody of your soulmate laughing with you made it that much easier.

Thoughts on JK Rowling's transgender debate

Recently, I read about JK Rowling’s transgender comment and the discourse around it. Insisting “sex is real,” Rowling argues that the recent transgender movement is erasing the concept of biological sex by ignoring the significance of biological factors in favor of gender which is a social, not biological construct. Rowling also insists that trans inclusive bathrooms intrude on the safety of biological women, especially those who have experienced bodily or sexual assaults. There have been several counter arguments to Rowling, most common of which are, “transwomen are women,” “statistically, trans women suffer from assaults rather than being the perpetrators of assaults” and “no one says sex isn’t real.” While I agree with all of those responses to Rowling, as an English teacher, I cannot help but notice the clever rhetorical techniques Rowling uses to frame her argument to evoke fear while appearing rational.

The core of Rowling’s rhetorical strategy lies in the combination of exaggeration (“trans people are saying sex isn’t real”), selective supporting example (“by erasing sex, biological women’s safety is endangered in trans inclusive bathroom”), and sympathetic personal anecdote (“as a victim of sexual assaults, I understand and care for women’s safety”). Let me be clear, I am not saying that line of reasoning is logical, ethical, or correct. Many have pointed out the flaws in Rowling’s argument: no transgender person denies the importance of biological sex in everything - however, gender should be the deciding factor when it comes to rights and recognition; credible research find that there is no evidence that trans inclusive bathrooms endanger women. Nevertheless, I think those counter arguments would do little to change the attitude of those who are already inclined to agree with Rowling because they probably just say something along the line of “the very notion of trans inclusive bathroom is about separating people according to gender not sex, how can you say you don’t deny sex in favor of gender,” and personal feeling of fear is more reliable than research because those research may just be “inaccurate or a part of the trans propaganda.”

I would like to understand the root of the fear that Rowling’s seemingly simple line of argument so effectively evokes, regardless of whether that fear is justified. The heart of the discourse lies in the dichotomy between sex and gender that Rowling succeeds in exaggerating and her opponents fail to elaborate to their advantage. Sex is a biological concept primarily centered on the body and bodily functions, whereas gender is a social construct that depends on performance, mostly outward expressions. For example, many transgender people are drag queens. In some ways, being a transgender involves a lot of performing certain outward appearances and (social) functions- through clothing, behavior, gender role, etc - to negate the (biological) wrongness within. This idea that sex is bodily and inward while gender is social and outward is certainly not absolute (many gender roles are performed in the private sphere, many gender aspects are performed through sexual and/or bodily acts; many bodily functions occur publicly - at least, according to anti-maskers who protest covering their faces because “I can’t breathe”). However, for the most parts, I think it is not unreasonable to generalize that biological sex operates primarily via the body and private bodily functions while gender is performed primarily via outward expressions.

Rowling’s argument would have fallen flat had she chosen a supporting example that takes place in a space whose nature is about outward performance. For example, if she had said, “trans inclusive catwalks are dangerous to biological female models,” people would probably have laughed at her. That’s because the catwalk is a space designed specifically to perform appearances and garner social recognition; no one cares about genitals or x,y chromosomes underneath the clothes on display. By contrast, a bathroom is very much where one exposes one’s private parts and performs basic bodily functions that may be even more private than sex. In a bathroom, one cannot care less about gender expressions like clothing or mannerism; instead, physical safety of the exposed body, albeit temporarily, is a real, legitimate concern.

Rowling’s effective rhetorical strategy can be summarized as such: step 1, exaggerating a simple concept (“sex is erased”) to evoke a sense of danger and urgency; any factual rebuttal (“no one says that”) will sound hollow because of step 2, selective example (trans inclusive bathroom). Most people will not notice how this narrow example is. Moreover, since most people instinctively understand the bathroom as a space for biological functions, they will take for granted the binary divide based on sex; thus, reconceptualizing it according to gender expression will automatically feel unnatural. Without explicit reason for a paradigm shift, the cry “but human rights” and “transwomen are women” will sound meaningless because some abstract concept and a semantic tautology cannot explain why a space designed for biological functions should be repurposed according to what is perceived as an irrelevant social construct. By this time, the sense of danger is validated and intensified into indignation at a perceived injustice (“biological sex is erased where it should not be, endangering bodily safety and privacy”). Finally, step 3, anecdote about sexual assault to make the feeling of danger more urgent and relateable on a personal level (“I experienced sexual assault, and you may experience it too, so you should care about this danger to your body in trans inclusive bathroom”). At this point, statistical evidence of the low possibility of assaults in trans inclusive bathroom holds little sway because if the switch from sex to gender is already unnatural, unfair, and carrying such imminent personal risk, why tolerate even a slight possibility of it?

I am not sure if exposing rhetorical strategy and logical fallacy changes any mind, especially of those of bigots. However, the debate around Rowling’s transgender comment reveals to me the need for a reframing of the transgender argument. It is worth elaborating in which context sex matters, in which gender matters, and why; if a setting like public bathroom, by nature, serves bodily functions, then what the rationales are for a paradigm shift from sex to gender; given these rationales, how they weigh against the costs (such as the discomfort of women like Rowling who experienced trauma from bodily assaults and prefer to keep their “safe spaces”) and/or any alternative; lastly, if the costs are real, how to mitigate them (this is where the statistics may come in handy, but only if one has gone through elaborating the previous questions).

In human societies, spaces have different natures and functions. Therefore, convincing people that trans people should be allowed in their prefered public bathrooms is fundamentally different from convincing people that trans people should be allowed, for example, on catwalks or in the military. A one-for-all generic argument will not suffice. In particular, the public bathroom divide based on sex or gender initially seems simple but is proven to be quite nuanced. Why should gender construct matter in a space designed for biological functions? What social and gender meaning do public bathrooms carry (if this debate proves anything, it is that even as a space designed for biological functions, not gender ones, public bathrooms carry enough social value for people to fight to preserve or reconstruct its meaning)? Between transgender people, for whom entry into public bathrooms carries social acknowledgement and confers personal worth, and opponents of trans inclusive bathrooms, for whom those bathrooms hold social meaning precisely for their binary assignment of biological bodies, who carry the burden of proof?

Okay, so idk if this is gonna turn into a theory or not I just need to...process things.

Why was Steven able to access Pink's memories?

When I think of the similarities between Steven's other emotional/spiritual reactions to gems, they all had one thing in common: the gems were feeling deep rooted negative emotion. When Lapis was still trapped under the sea with Jasper and fighting with herself and her purpose in the chaos, Steven found her through dreaming. When Steven started crying Blue's tears, Blue was shown to still be mourning. Then, in Jungle Moon, we see that was the exact planet and area Pink Diamond had her breakdown. Surprisingly..well not really, Steven has been able to soothe or eventually get the gems out of their moods. Lapis was freed, Blue finally got her trial, but what about Pink? Steven even helped the Cluster calm down!

Pink Diamond is defective.

She's significantly smaller than the other diamonds. While I was disappointed that she didn't look like what most of the fandom pictured, her characterization makes sense. As the youngest myself, I know what it's like to not feel equal to a sibling. People always say "Oh, someday it'll happen." "You're not ready yet." Yeah she's a brat, but she has reason to be. Gems are born with a purpose. All gems even diamonds. So imagine when you're supposed to be one of the most powerful beings known to your kind and you're born, in the eyes of others, as being less than so. Pink Diamond was supposed to have what they had because that's what she was born for, she knew this, and Homeworld never liked to deviate from roles you were supposed to be. Yet, they did so to her. Her mural making her look a lot stronger and mightier than she was was more than likely for propaganda purposes. So lesser gems didn't know a diamond could be born defective. That a diamond could be imperfect.

Pink and her gems obviously represent the "heart" of the gem civilization.

Gems created under Pink Diamond are fiery, strong, stubborn, and will fight for what they believe in. Noticeably more free...whether they used that freedom for good or bad varied. Think of the quartz soldiers at the Zoo, they acted more like a family than a military unit. Rose and all of her dates with Greg and making Steven, the flowers, strawberry fields, etc. Whereas gems created under the other diamonds seemed to be more accepting that they were just numbers to their diamonds. They were weak willed and did what they were told. Pink Diamond had power. Not through sheer force or size, but her heart. If Jasper, the most famous war hero known to gemkind on Homeworld (?), is any indication, then Pink Diamond's army was a real threat. Not just to organic life on potential colonies, but to the other armies of her sisters.

Do I think one of the diamonds killed her?

Not necessarily. I wouldn't put it past them to have had plans to take her down a notch. They definitely knew what power her gems held since Yellow took Jasper for herself and all the other Rose Quartz were bubbled as a precaution. I don't think they wanted to kill her, though.

Could she have shattered herself?

This theory is what's currently winning in my mind right now. For one, Pink shattered an image of herself in a window. When does the Crewniverse ever do something like that without meaning? Never. Although, the mere fact that her image shattered could've been just general foreshadowing to her downfall, but considering PD did it herself, I'm going with it being herself as the culprit. Also, only a diamond can damage a diamond. So if none of her sisters did, then she's the only other option. How the whole scenario could've went down for their to have been "witnesses" to see her get shattered with a sword, I don't know. Tbh, it doesn't add up at all at this point. So either someone is lying or forgot some very important details.

Why would Pink Diamond want to die?

We've all been there before. We've all idolized something or someone based simply on what we saw on the outside. Only for it to turn out to be a horrible job, title, etc. Take adulthood, for example. When you were a kid, you probably wanted to grow up really quickly. You wanted to get to stay out late, shave, date, drive, what have you. You never considered what else comes with growing up. Tons of emotion and heartbreak, bills, losses, TAXES (jk but not), money to pay for gas to drive that car. I could go on. While I wasn't exactly a perfectly happy child, adulthood still hit me like truck...especially when I tried to enter it too quickly.

Pink was the baby sister. She didn't have a single colony, planet, army,...pearl?... anything. Honestly, did any of the other lesser gems even see her outside of murals until she got a court and entourage? Probably not. So what you have here are all the things to entice someone to want to grow up too quickly. Not treat them as an equal (sometimes you can't in human standards with age, but in gem standards your role was supposed to be absolute), isolate them, and tell them "someday" and "because I said so".

So one or all of the other sisters probably relented and got her a tiny little planet to look after. For all we know, she probably got some fancy limb enhancers to make her a little taller like she's putting on her sister's heels. She got a palaquin and apparently a pearl and entourage. Although something still seems off about that...Did they even give her guards? They should've and you would think they would've, but did they?

Anyway, after a few centuries/millennia on Earth, Pink probably became disenchanted with the whole idea of being a diamond and ruler. She didn't think it'd be that much work or she just wasn't agreeing with Homeworld's mentality. Something happened. Maybe she came to love the planet and the organic life, love her gems as more than just servants (who we've yet to hear say anything bad about her and Big Bad Jasper seemed genuinely distraught just thinking of her). Maybe she didn't want her gems caught up in Homeworld crap and thought they deserved better and deserved to be whatever they wanted to be. However, her colony was creating the best soldiers, you think her sisters would just let her stop?

So maybe Pink decided to secretly fight back and became close with Rose who shared her same views of the world. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Rose was already labeled a criminal before Pink was shattered. Maybe she sent Rose to "rebel" and disrupt gem activity on Earth to not only stop Homeworld from draining Earth but to take a stand. This could've backfired in her face when her sisters truly believed she didn't have a grip on the situation and sent their soldiers to correct the issue.

Pink seeing she effed up and just put her gems and world in danger, probably freaked out. There was probably bickering amongst them Y: "This is why we didn't give you a colony!" B: "You weren't ready!" P: "I don't want to do this anymore! It's wrong!" Her sisters probably wanted to wipe Earth off the map or at least start over with someone else at the helm, but Pink wouldn't risk it. She loved her first and only colony. It was small, but it was hers. She found her OWN place and purpose.

Idk what events would lead up to her shattering herself (and I'm pretty sure her shards are bubbled somewhere ready to be healed). But maybe she did set up a clever scheme to make it look like one of her own did it. The sisters would hesitate if gems from Earth could take out one of their own and back off. Or maybe it wasn't a scheme and she was found on the verge of doing it herself and the gem that found her couldn't stop her in time. She wanted the responsibility not knowing what all it entailed, what all she would feel, the pressure (did I just make a gem joke?), what all she would wanna fight for. She just wanted to be important like them for so long and when she finally found herself but wasn't accepted for it...she couldn't take it anymore.

Star Wars, episode 8

There’s been a lot of divisive back-and-forth about The Last Jedi on the Internet, with opinions diverging so hard towards the three groups of

it was the worst thing ever

it was the best thing ever

it was okay I guess

that as I prepared to do my part in helping fund Disney’s Fox acquisition, I couldn’t help but wonder whether people were seeing three different movies.

And as a matter of fact, they kind of were.

In short: Having three subplots just because you have three main characters ... maybe wasn’t a good idea. One of them had a lot of good moments if you could overlook some gaping holes (and giant regressions from the original trilogy), one of them wasn’t terrible but was also kind of pointless and didn’t have to be, and one of them was just mostly needlessly stupid.

Overall, I came out of the theatre more impressed than not, but this movie isn’t one that stands up terribly well to any extended thoughts about it. I also fear that in many places Episode IX may have to bite off more than it can possibly chew, as if this movie hasn’t done enough of that as it is.

Spoiler-y thoughts behind the Read More break.

In less short:

the Finn subplot was kind of okay;

the Poe subplot was inexcusably flawed;

and the Rey subplot was—well, it wasn’t the best thing ever and had a few critical points of badness, but it had a lot of good moments and I can’t help but enjoy them.

I really can, for the most part, treat these subplots as three different movies. Finn’s subplot branches a safe distance away from Poe’s subplot rather quickly and never really integrates properly back into it. Rey’s subplot doesn’t join back up with either of them until the very end.

This was true of Episode V too, to a large extent. But there, at least, the trio had the decency to split into two groups, with Luke’s subplot seeing Yoda teach him and Vader pursue him, and Han and Leia’s subplot leading them (eventually) to Cloud City. But Episode V had just those two subplots for the most part, and a relatively tight ensemble of characters and locations.

This episode ... not so much. I personally would really have liked to see Poe join an expanded version of the Finn subplot, with the existing Poe subplot dropped or considerably downsized, and I really think this would have improved the movie. But as this will never happen, I may as well give thoughts on the triple feature as it stands. So, thoughts on ...

Finn’s Big Adventure: It was okay.

I did find Canto Bight interesting—it’s a side of the galaxy you don’t normally get to see in Star Wars, which is normally all about either the military and political centres of conflict or the grimier parts of town. We get a peek at the economic elite life here, and it’s apparently equally disgusting in any galaxy.

But Rose never really developed into her own character, I’m afraid. She had a cursory backstory of suffering and a consistent compassion, but was mostly defined by love for her sister and for Finn. The codebreaker took so many moral swerves that it was impossible to ever get a great handle on him as a real character, and his apparent argument of ‘well the First Order and the Resistance both use machines from the same suppliers so it’s all part of the system, man’ was just weird and frankly kind of disconcerting. I’m sure I’ve oversimplified that in some way, but not by much, I think.

This subplot also had to quite rapidly manage its own mission expectations, going through a few stages:

we’re going to get hold of a master codebreaker to gain access to a critical weakness in Snoke’s ship

okay, we’re just going to use whatever codebreaker we've found to gain access to a critical weakness in Snoke’s ship

okay, we’re just going to die on Snoke’s ship and hope the Resistance survives because we can’t actually do anything now

okay, everyone else is just going to die too

wait is that the Resistance cruiser ramming into Snoke’s ship

and that probably didn’t help this subplot being so utterly unremarkable. Really, it was a little odd that this was the subplot they kind of chose to end on, with the Force-sensitive child slave sweeping and looking up at the sky.

And really the worst thing is that Captain Phasma (and by extension Gwendoline Christie) was simply tragically wasted as a villain, which is bad because Captain Phasma is clearly one of the more competent and awesome First Order military personnel. Plus, more screen time with Captain Phasma could have given us more development of Finn. It wasn’t too late to show more of her after Episode VII. It is now.

Who Framed Poe Dameron: Be careful what you wish for. I wished for Poe to have more screen time, and look what happened.

What we’ve got here, to quote Cool Hand Luke, is failure to communicate—not just between the Resistance personnel, but also between the writers and the audience. Let’s take this one failure at a time:

Poe’s demotion. Why does Holdo bring this back up as if it’s that important? How far down is the rank of Captain from Commander? (In most real-world navies and air forces, isn’t Captain actually one rank above Commander?) Is that proportionate to his act of insubordination per se, or more proportionate to the severe losses he caused through that insubordination? And how rigorous is the Resistance ranking hierarchy anyway? Can they even afford to be rigorous about it, given how short-staffed they are (even before the Battle of Crait)? Han went from starship captain to a General in the Rebel Alliance basically right after he had been frozen in carbonite for a good long while. Are you telling me that it would be so difficult for Poe to get that far back up in no time at all?

The secrecy around the evacuation. Why wasn’t there just a standing plan known to all Resistance fighters of ‘look if things get really bad we have a base we can fall back to with a decent set of resources, and its location is definitely on a need-to-know basis but just so you know we will fall back to it if the First Order really start hurting us, so please don’t mutiny’? If no one else, how did Leia not trust Poe with this plan when she trusted him with retrieving a piece of the map to Luke?

Crait. How is this place uncharted to the First Order? Is their map information just that bad? Shouldn’t it be on the First Order’s maps given that the son of erstwhile Generals of the Rebel Alliance is in the First Order leadership? Where do the First Order maps come from? And regardless, wouldn’t it have become charted the moment the Resistance cruiser came out of hyperspace to try and make a run to somewhere within reasonable distance of it? How does galactic cartography work, anyway? Is that even relevant, given that a First Order flagship should probably be able to detect transports launching from the cruiser with or without life signs and track their trajectory anyway?

Some of this, I think, is hurt by lack of significant context about exactly what the Resistance is, what the First Order is, what their relations are to the Empire and the Rebel Alliance and the new (short-lived) Republic, what their standing is in the galaxy, what resources they have, and so on. Certainly the original trilogy was never quite as rigorous in this sort of thing as the prequels were, but after just a few minutes of Episode IV, you saw enough to know that the Empire ruled the galaxy under an iron fist, and the Rebel Alliance was a ragtag volunteer army. Here, the First Order is ... governing? Is it governing anything? Does it have provinces? Is Snoke on billions of propaganda pamphlets, pictured in his best dressing gown? Does it claim to be a legitimate continuation of the Galactic Empire, or merely a de facto one? And what of the Resistance? Is it funded by the new Republic? Well, I know their political centre was wiped out in Episode VII, but maybe they actually have a civilian government in exile ... or don’t they? If they have access to old Rebel bases and equipment, how did they end up with only one cruiser by the start of this episode?

This seems like nitpicking, but I am genuinely left a bit confused by the scope of the Resistance, which is apparently fine to rebuild even if the new Republic it sought to defend is in tatters, its allies have abandoned it, and its military strength is now small enough to fit in its entirety inside the Millennium Falcon.

I get that this episode is going for an ominous ending like that of Episode V, but as of the end of Episode V, the Rebellion still actually had bases and cruisers and fighters and Admiral Ackbar. It was just that Leia was shaken by the apparent loss of Han, a capable if reluctant member of the Rebellion, and Luke was shaken by revelations about Darth Vader. As of the end of this episode, the Resistance fleet is just the Falcon. There are people skilled enough to take down an entire military fleet with one starship, but most of them are Time Lords in a TARDIS and they aren’t in this universe.

Also, I’m not sure whether to file this under Poe’s subplot or Rey’s, but ginger!Tarkin is just hilarious. I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing against Domhnall Gleeson as an actor, but I’m pretty sure he’s being directed to ham it up as much as he can and it’s ridiculous and silly to the point of being wonderful. At the same time, his character’s a bit useless and the movie seems painfully aware of it.

The Last Jedi (that is, the parts of The Last Jedi that were actually about, you know, The Last Jedi): Oh, Luke, what happened to you?

No, really, I want to know and these movies won’t tell me. I want to see what happened to Luke between Episodes VI and VII in this brave new Disney-enforced canon, and it’s really unfortunate that this was not a core concern of the sequels. We got some inkling of it in Episode VII, sure, and now get unreliable tellings of what happened between Luke and Ben/Kylo specifically. But this simply isn’t enough.

As it stands, everyone telling the story seems to agree that Luke definitely showed intent to kill Ben, however transient. And that is so jarring given that we’ve been here before and overcome it, in Episode VI. The original trilogy was all about Luke succeeding where Anakin failed, overcoming his darker side and even pushing Anakin to do so in the very end. Given this, where Luke stands at the start of this episode—having attempted to kill Ben, mistrusting Rey so much—is undeniably a very abrupt regression that lacks any significant development to support it. What did it take to break the unbreakable cinnamon roll?

This is a fundamental problem with the plotting of the sequel trilogy. In fact, I wonder if it should really have been a trilogy. The prequels, of course, were forced to be a trilogy because Lucas had pre-emptively numbered Episodes IV through VI. But while there is a massive gap between the prequels and the original trilogy—and even within the prequels, which jumped from precious child Anakin to teenaged Anakin to war-weary Anakin—that was excusable because nothing terribly interesting happened in that gap to the Skywalkers or the Jedi. Darth Vader kind of kept on Darth Vader-ing, Luke had a fairly peaceful moisture farmer’s life with some occasional piloting excitement, Obi-Wan and Yoda went on their eccentric hermit ways, the Emperor kept on with his Galactic Empire, and most of the Jedi stayed dead.

The gap between Episodes VI and VII, as it stands ... not so much. Apparently in that gap we had

the re-establishment of a peaceful Galactic Republic

the establishment of a new Jedi Temple

the training of Ben Solo

the rise of Snoke

the fall of the new Jedi Temple

the rise of the First Order

which frankly should have been a movie or two, maybe even a television series. (It really could work. The gap between Episodes II and III were the entire Clone Wars, which of course had its own lovely series, cut short by the Disney/Lucasfilm acquisition.) In fact, I’m beginning to think the rise of Snoke and the Knights of Ren should have been the core of Episode VII, with Luke going into self-imposed exile at the end, until one day a mysterious young woman shows up and holds out a lightsaber, her face full of hope ...

... but that will never happen now. I wonder if it even could have happened in the 2010s, given the age of the original cast and the scenes that would be required of them. And frankly, I wonder if Disney/Lucasfilm, instead of making the abrupt jumps that they did between the original trilogy and the sequels, should instead have been making what they now plan to after this sequel trilogy—movies following completely new characters with their own stories.

And this is the good subplot, huh? Yes, yes it is.

There are moments in this subplot that I can’t help but enjoy, which is not actually true for either of the other subplots. Luke reuniting with Artoo was when Luke felt most like himself. The return of Yoda, with a surprisingly faithful CGI rendition and perhaps a moment of overpowered mischievousness, was kind of amazing. Rey and Kylo joining forces (Forces?), however briefly, was frankly surprising in just how effective it was. Kylo has actually risen above being ‘a child with a mask’ and become a far more credible character, if not a credible villain. Rey’s moment of self-reflection was ... not subtle, but still worked for what it was. The revelation of her parentage was exactly what it needed to be.

And Luke’s projection ... was a bit ridiculous—hadn’t he cut himself off from the Force for quite a while? Wouldn’t he need to retrain a lot before he was able to do that again and/or possibly for the first time ever, given that this is the first time we’ve seen Force Telepresence, which I would have thought was some kind of transient Force bond with every living thing in the vicinity, except apparently even droids can detect your projection? (So it’s definitely just a new Force power, because we didn’t already have enough of those and definitely had rules around those sorted out really neatly ...) I mean, it was awesome, but kind of odd and didn’t seem to really have concrete rules.

And really, if you were willing to overlook Luke not being himself for the majority of the movie and what might be a fundamental flaw in the planning of this entire sequel trilogy, this subplot was pretty good (and the one that I’d wager the critics paid most attention to). It sounds like I’m saying that facetiously, but I’m only saying it half-facetiously.

The one rather unsatisfying thing was the fact of Snoke’s anticlimactic end after all of the buildup around him (more so than how it played out)—but if Darth Maul can come back from being sliced in half, perhaps Snoke can too. Hmm, maybe not in this case. And that’s a pity, because Snoke’s motivations surely more or less inform Kylo’s motivations, and both would have been great to learn more about.

Final thoughts: So, basically what the writers of Episode IX have to do is

figure out how the Resistance is going to be a credible threat to the First Order when right now it fits inside an old Corellian light freighter

work in Leia’s off-screen death and pass her part of the story on to someone appropriate

complete Kylo Ren’s arc, without Leia

figure out if Poe actually has an arc to complete given that Poe’s screen time was taken up by setting up Finn’s subplots and inciting mutiny without much of a result, and given that the only ship he can now fly is a light freighter

figure out if Finn is actually going to do something useful this time

make ginger!Tarkin look like a competent second-in-command

actually show Poe being competent and not deceived by his superiors

congratulate themselves on outdoing RTD and Moffat in writing themselves into a massively tight corner for the final episode

That seems like a fairly tall order, and I don’t hold out much hope for answers here. If George Lucas were in charge, we’d have more answers than we needed. But JJ Abrams is in charge, and I’m afraid any answers we get here are going to just give rise to a thousand-fold more questions.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

On the droids: BB-8 was fantastic, as always. I still can’t get over just how expressive the design is compared to Artoo or frankly even Threepio.

I guess we also saw BB-8′s Imperial—erm, excuse me, First Order counterpart, which I really wanted to see do more. Kind of like Phasma.

On slot machine guns: Professor Layton did it better.

On the critters infesting the Falcon: Chewie, how dare you eat them.

Also, I think we’ve now potentially got the Star Wars equivalent of Tribbles. How quickly did those things take over the ship, anyway?

On originality: Say, do you remember a Star Wars movie where

the rebels are chased off their main holdout on a snow-white planet;

the Force-sensitive protagonist trains with a reluctant teacher on a remote planet with a submerged X-wing, dips into a cavern to confront the dark side of the Force, and ultimately interrupts their Jedi training to help the rebels;

the non-Force-sensitive protagonists seek out a rogue to help them, but are double-crossed and face dire prospects;

someone says ‘I know’ in an unusual context;

and the Force-sensitive villain reveals the parentage of the Force-sensitive protagonist, who is then asked to join them so that together they can rule the galaxy?

I mean, it’s not a straight-up recycled Episode V the way that Episode VII was a blatant remake of Episode IV, and the original trilogy codified a lot of modern sci-fi filmmaking to the point where it would not be possible for a sequel to not have some overlap with the original. But, to quote the judge from Ace Attorney, two coincidences at the same time seems more like a pattern to me.

Thinking about the submerged X-wing makes me a little peeved, actually, because it feels like the writers basically throwing the regression of Luke’s character in your face through one succinct image. It also feels like lifting the X-wing out of the water and flying to Crait in person would have been a less cheap way for Luke to go out, and actually would have also made for an extra nice callback to Episode V. Really, it’s surprising that this was so overlooked.

Random thoughts on the trailers I saw before the feature presentation:

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom looks like it’s going to be gloriously silly. Also, Jeff Goldblum’s memetic line ... finds a way.

Ready Player One looks good (did I spot an Overwatch character?) although that could just be the Van Halen music. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s mostly the Van Halen music.

Eek, creepy large lifelike anime eyes in Alita: Battle Angel. It looks like one of those images you see on the Internet where you splice real-life photos together to represent a cartoon character, except now with a multi-million dollar budget.

Incredibles II. This is where it’s come to, is it, Disney/Pixar? I mean, I’m going to reserve judgement because the trailer was astonishingly short on content, but are you going to really start ruining every perfect movie you ever made?

I have no opinions on Avengers: Infinity War since I don’t follow the MCU, but involving the GotG makes me worried for their safety.

Episode 25: The Day Before Destiny

September 797/488. Kircheis and Reinhard reunite, and promptly get into a terrible argument over the finer points of the Westerland massacre. Later, Oberstein again pressures Reinhard to take away Kircheis’s special privileges and Reinhard, again, refuses—but by the time the admiralty convenes a day later, Kircheis, usually the only one allowed a firearm during meetings, gets his taken away at the door by security. During the meeting, Reinhard takes mercy on the previously nobles-aligned Fahrenheit and gives him a job. Ansbach then arrives rolling in a casket containing Braunschweig’s corpse, ostensibly a gift symbolizing his submission to Reinhard; in actuality a way of smuggling a firearm into the room—a firearm that Ansbach removes (ew ew ew) from Braunschweig’s body and aims directly at Reinhard. To be continued...

Yet another note about redraws

Before I get into the meat of this post, I want to address the fact that episodes 25 and 26, much to their detriment, are almost entirely redrawn. And, as I warned would happen occasionally, the redrawn scenes are so dramatically different from their corresponding original LD versions that I’ll be focusing my analysis exclusively on the latter. That means some of my interpretations of body language and facial expressions might be at odds with the version you watched, unless you’re fortunate and/or tenacious enough to have found your own copies of the LD. But worry not! I’ll be providing you with so many visual aids you’ll FEEL like you watched the LD version yourself. The best parts anyway. Okay *takes a deep breath* let’s do this.

Reinhard and Kircheis

In a dramatic departure from their reunion in episode 16, here we see Reinhard putting out his hand and actually having to wait for Kircheis to take it. The magnetic force that has always compelled Kircheis to be as close to Reinhard as physically possible seems, in their months apart, to have dulled.

In the latter half of episode 25, well after most of what I’m about to talk about has happened, Kircheis has yet another flashback about his relationship with Reinhard, only this time it’s made up entirely of footage (five whole minutes of it!) that we’ve already seen. Season one has, on the Empire side, been in many ways the story of Reinhard and Kircheis as a couple, and in episode 25, the tension that has been mounting between them ever since Reinhard hired Oberstein back in episode 8 finally comes to a head. As Kircheis’s recap-flashback reminds us, though, there’s a lot more to Reinhard and Kircheis than the stresses of the past year-and-change—and that’s what Kircheis thinks about as he considers whether or not their relationship has finally suffered irreparable damage.

But first things first: As soon as Kircheis arrives at Geiersburg, Reinhard, who hasn’t seen him since episode 19 (about five in-universe months ago), whisks him away to his quarters to, er, catch up.

This falsely cheery attempt at smalltalk by Reinhard is excruciating to watch, and it’s made even worse by Kircheis’s sudden deployment of that favorite phrase of relationship-enders the world over: “We have to talk.”

Honestly I’m not sure what Reinhard expected; maybe he thought if he just steered conversation away from the Westerland-sized elephant in the room, he could actually avoid having to talk about it. In any case, Kircheis wastes no time bringing it up, foiling that plan immediately. And hey, remember when I said Westerland would be on the exam? Well, it’s exam time!

Reinhard’s nonchalant facade shatters the moment Kircheis asks him directly about the Westerland massacre: Above, he keeps his back turned to Kircheis for as long as is feasible, then studiously averts his eyes from Kircheis’s face as he sits down across from him. But why is Reinhard acting like someone who has committed a crime, despite having done no such thing? Well, just because Reinhard isn’t guilty of what Kircheis is questioning him about doesn’t mean he isn’t experiencing feelings of guilt: First of all, it was his disastrous hiring decision that did, in fact, result in the Westerland massacre being carried out. And also, maybe more importantly in this moment, he’s about to lie right to Kircheis’s face.

As I discussed at length in my episode 23 post, Reinhard has, somewhat under duress, arranged it so that he and Oberstein are the only people who know that the decision to allow and record the Westerland attack was made without Reinhard’s consent or knowledge. This was partly to protect himself from (potential) accusations of complicity and incompetence, but mostly to protect his pride from the fact that he was wrong about his ability to keep Oberstein in check.

I wish I could write about Reinhard changing his mind and admitting to Kircheis that he fucked up, and asking him for help, but of course that isn’t what happens: Kircheis asks Reinhard point blank if he allowed the Westerland attack to take place and be recorded for the sake of propaganda, and Reinhard, lying through his teeth, says he did.

This visual representation of, well, Kircheis’s heart breaking is one of my favorite pieces of animation in this episode: His eyes visibly fill with tears, then he looks down as far as possible without actually closing his eyes, and shakes his head with such weight that the rest of his body moves with it. The redrawn version (above) makes Kircheis look like he’s chastising Reinhard rather than experiencing soul-crushing disappointment, and is therefore vastly inferior.

That Reinhard is lying complicates this scene a great deal, because his frustration with the lecture that follows can at least partially be attributed to his own awareness of everything Kircheis is pointing out—and the fact that he can’t very well explain that yes, he knows all this and yes, that’s why he didn’t actually do the thing that he just told Kircheis he did.

In light of Reinhard and Kircheis’s episode 16 argument, which ended harmoniously and with the world’s softest Reinhard eyes of all time, it’s worth emphasizing that Reinhard doesn’t actually have a problem with Kircheis calling him on his shit. The difference between episode 16 and 25’s arguments—besides the obvious, uh, gap in harm between punishing Bittenfeld and murdering two million people—is that in episode 16, Reinhard actually did need to be convinced of Kircheis’s point of view. In episode 25, Reinhard is basically being forced to listen to Kircheis unwittingly give a lecture to a version of him from a different timeline, in which he chose to go along with Oberstein’s plan.

Reinhard finds this understandably infuriating, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that he brought it on himself, which brings me to another difference between this fight and the one in episode 16:

Back in episode 16, Kircheis was filled in on all the details of Reinhard’s predicament, and could therefore advise him appropriately, up to and including this key moment when he pinpoints the true object of Reinhard’s anger: himself. In episode 25, Kircheis’s ability to help Reinhard come to the identical conclusion has been hobbled by Reinhard’s unwillingness to be truthful with him.

Because of course the person Reinhard is angriest at, post-Westerland, is himself: He’s the one who hired Oberstein; he’s the one who let Oberstein walk all over him; he’s the one who has made it so Kircheis, the closest person in the world to him, thinks he allowed two million innocent people to be killed for political expedience. And just like in episode 16 when Reinhard would have taken out his self-directed anger on Bittenfeld if Kircheis hadn’t talked him through his emotions, episode 25 finds Reinhard instinctively aiming his self-loathing outwards—but this time not only does Kircheis not know enough to try and help, he’s also the target.

Hmmm, that reflection on Reinhard’s hand almost looks like something... What could it be representing... I’ll have to think about it.

Unable to argue against Kircheis’s logic (because he agrees with it), and unwilling to back down, Reinhard has given himself no choice but to order Kircheis to stop talking, which he does harshly enough that they’re both taken aback and Reinhard immediately, and visibly, regrets it. But I think we’ve established that without Kircheis’s calming influence, there’s no way Reinhard could ever overcome his stubbornness long enough to apologize; instead, he doubles down, and when Kircheis won’t stop expressing his opinion despite Reinhard’s repeated attempts to devalue it, Reinhard finally snaps:

This is both one of the most explicit allusions to the romantic nature of Reinhard and Kircheis’s relationship we’ve seen so far, and one of the saddest. Ow.

Above, Reinhard seeks to put Kircheis in his place by reminding him that he doesn’t actually have any power in an official advisory capacity; Kircheis, in response, ups the ante by distancing himself from their personal relationship instead of their political/military one—the opposite of what Reinhard intended. And that’s it: The camera moves back, emphasizing the chasm of silence between the two men, and Kircheis eventually exits, leaving Reinhard alone with his thoughts and his wine.

Did we just watch Reinhard and Kircheis break up? Well, the conversation did start with Kircheis saying “we have to talk” and end with him emphasizing the least personal aspect of their relationship. That’s pretty breakup-y. But in the scenes following, both Reinhard (drinking wine out of Kircheis’s glass) and Kircheis express hope that they’ll be able to reach an understanding:

So no, I don’t think Reinhard or Kircheis intend to end their relationship at this juncture. They may have fought, and it may have been their worst fight by far (that we’ve seen), but they both harbor hope for reconciliation. Which brings us back to Kircheis, standing in his usual spot at the head of Reinhard’s admiralty, reminiscing about everything he’s been through with Reinhard over the years:

Of course Reinhard’s extremely soft eyes are the last frame of Kircheis’s recap-flashback—even when he’s mad, Kircheis’s thoughts about Reinhard are colored by how much he loves him, and he remembers him at his best.

And that’s where we leave them, before Ansbach walks in with a coffin containing Braunschweig, out of whose dead body he pulls a gun.

Stray Tidbits

Meanwhile, on the Tristan (Reuental’s flagship), Reuental and Mittermeyer have been playing poker to decide... who buys tomorrow’s wine? Apparently they drink together every night—not that that's at all surprising.

Incidentally, this is the second time we’ve seen Reuental and Mittermeyer 1. gamble while 2. gossiping about Reinhard and with 3. Reuental narrowly edging out Mittermeyer for a victory:

Remember this romantically charged game of nine-ball from way back in My Conquest?

One of the subtler extremely painful aspects of the Reinhard/Kircheis “What am I to you?” conversation is how quickly Kircheis believes Reinhard’s lie about his role in the Westerland massacre. And later in the episode, we see Reinhard’s only other source of emotional support in the world display a similar lack of faith in his moral compass:

It must be really sad and discouraging for Reinhard that those closest to him don’t believe in his ability to tell right from wrong. Obviously that’s no reason for him to act out by doing evil things or anything, but it’s still depressing as hell. Poor Reinhard.

Did Mittermeyer just... giggle? Well, in the novels, everyone in attendance barely suppresses their laughter during this scene, so yes, that seems to be what Mittermeyer is doing. Icebergs canon, then, is that Mittermeyer has the darkest sense of humor in Reinhard’s admiralty. Interesting!

Mind your business, Ferner.