I just need to bitch a minute.

People on Reddit sometimes are amazing.

Other times when you ask for serious advice over sensitive topics, they tell you “nobody cares” while simultaneously downvoting you into oblivion for having a crisis they don’t “agree” either.

Like yeah ok I’ll believe nobody cares when your response is to ignore me, not to be rude af.

Getting "advice" or "help" from Reddit is like digging a 50ft deep well and asking the sludge at the bottom what it thinks you should do. I've literally never gotten anything but either completely irrelevant absurdity, or the worst and most obnoxious elitism out of them.

I finally stopped going to Reddit when I needed help with, basically, learning to adapt my Gardening to now being disabled ... And their solutions were everything other than answering my actual question. Which, mind you, at that particular point in time, was literally just "Are there any Thyme varieties with larger leaves, because processing English Thyme hurts my hands and flairs my Neuropathy; I've tried everything else already to make this easier, so now I'm looking for a different Thyme variety altogether if anyone knows or has any experience with them".

Their 'solutions' included such gems as "What's wrong with English Thyme? I use it, why can't you?"- which promptly segwayed into "Why are you bothering to process it at all. Just leave it alone. It'll survive the Winter anyways" from the same user (obnoxious) ... And "Just get an herb stripper bowl instead" (already included in the "I've tried everything" and thus useless); no one did ever suggest anything legitimate that answered my question. Instead everyone was just dismissive, and none of them could seem to grasp the concept of "I'm disabled and have very specific needs based on my personal and multifunctional use of these Herbs (which is not cooking)" no matter how many times I said it to them. And I just got called rude / bitchy constantly whenever I repeated myself yet again, and told them their answer was useless to me- and not at all on topic, or about what I asked in the first place.

Never ask a Facebook Group for "help" or "advice" either. It's the same exact brainless nonsense.

Nobody tagged me for a mugshot, but HERE WE GO

I'm home, drinking ginger tea so I have a settled tummy and the energy to pick Jay up from school at 4:00 today.

I'm off all my cancer meds. According to Dr. Oncologist, I should be fiiiiine. But I'm not, and this is just more documented evidence of that.

Believe me, if I could just have normal person energy and a tough stomach, I totally would.

I tag @lucysweatslove @fatmaninalittlesuit @elenadoeslife @nicistrying and anyone else who wants to drop a mugshot.

Hi! 💗 Do you have any other recs for blogs that are similar to yours or that you follow & really enjoy? I'm tryna find more spaces like yours on here.☺️

hey!! yesss here are some of my faves:

@carefortheearth

@lucysweatslove

@samatonin

@mariana-runs

@happyheidi

@clementineoil

@suvisfitness

@compassionatereminders

@xpeace-love-yogax

@herbaklava

@cynicalrecoverysociety

i’ve definitely missed loads off but i love everyone i reblog from! 💙

@lucysweatslove tagged me for a selfie! Here I am! I don’t feel great, just got super high to not be nauseated, and I’m chilling. But look at my paint pen work today! 😂

1. I stole a glass from a pub once. I went in with some mates to get a drink but it got really busy really fast so I was the only one that ended up getting a drink before we all decided to go somewhere else. They had to wait for me to finish my beer so we moved to stand outside, out of the crowd, while I drank it. We waited and waited but it was Guinness so I wasn’t getting through it very quickly. So we just walked off, glass in hand. It’s not my favourite glass in my house.

2. My biggest pet peeve is probably when people park over their line when they park their cars.

3. Innie

4. I don’t think I would change my name. If I did it would be to another common name because I’ve watched my sister struggle with having an uncommon name growing up and it looks like it sucks.

5. 1

6. My mum and dad’s tenant. He was 23 and I was 15. Now I’m an adult I can see how gross that is.

7. Actually, no I haven’t. Now that I think about it, I feel like I haven’t lived because I’ve never been falling over drunk before.

8. Yes, to get out of talking to someone who was trying to get people to sign up for a competition where you win a big prize. It looked sketchy as hell so I said I was underage (I was 20 at the time which is not underage in NZ) and walked away.

9. I sing in the shower if I can hear music but nah, I don’t sing normally.

10. Tbh I have no idea what CliffNotes is

Thanks for tagging me @lucysweatslove! I’m tagging @jacqattacq, @jayfitblr, @determined-mind and @say-that-to-my-abs

Tagged by @justhiitit

1. Yup! I was 7 and took some of the loose candy by the register. My mom found the wrappers and made me go back, apologize, AND pay for what I took. For shame

2. When someone talks down to someone else to make themselves look bigger.

3. Innie. Which USED to be cute, but then carried kids. . . and then hysterectomy 🤷😬 We'll just keep that covered, thanks

4. I have never really thought about that, lol. Maybe something more mysterious sounding?

5. No tickets

6. Ugh, some gross boy in 8th grade. I don't know if it was necessarily romantic though.

7. Nope. Not really into that kind of drinking

8. More times than I should have

9. Every time. That steam is good for the vocals. I'm certain everyone in the house enjoys it 🤣

10. Nah, never used them.

If you'd like to play along: @ghost-of-the-central-coast @lucysweatslove @unexpectedawesome

Aquarium photo dump! Starting with @lucysweatslove 's jellyfish

Tagged by @lucysweatslove

These are so random hahahah

1. In the words of @jacqattacq , who wrote these questions? A cop??

2. Unfortunately I have a lot of little annoyances so this is hard but probably people not being considerate of others.

3. Innie

4. I love my first name actually. Lexi. Short for Alexandra. Love my middle name too. Wouldn't make any changes.

5. None

6. A boy in the second grade named Tony. Does that count?

7. LOL yes

8. Hmmm maybe when I was younger in high-school going to college parties but other than that, no

9. I do. I sound best in the shower.

10. Absolutely yes but I have no idea which titles

Tagged by @lucysweatslove 

 1.       Sure, when I was a kid maybe 7 or 8 I remember stealing a chocolate bar from a convenience store.  When my Mom found out she marched me right back to that store, forced me to apologize and made me buy 4 more chocolate bars and I had to give them away to the next 4 kids I saw.  Never did that again.

2.       I cannot stand when someone chews with their mouth open.  I actually get angry over that.  Stupid, I know.

3.       Even before I was fat, it was an innie.

4.       I was always partial to the name Connor, so I might choose that one.

5.       Knock on wood, none.

6.      A gentleman never kisses and tells.

7.       Have you ever fallen down drunk?  Nope.  I have only been really drunk once in my life (lame I guess) and I never fell.

8.       Not that I can recall.  Never needed to.  

9.       No.  Showers are for crying.  No one can tell that way.

10.    Macbeth of course!  Shakespeare was all there was for CliffsNotes when I was in a position to use them.

I tag @jacqattacq; @liftingweights-and-coffeedates; @sweetbreiz​ and @wildflowersoulblog​ if y’all want to.  Thanks for the asks!

Day 16 // Toast to the ones here today, toast to the ones that we lost on the way

Memories, Maroon 5.

Today’s thoughts come up in a bit of a roundabout way, but essentially, today I feel a sense of nostalgia for who I used to be.

I used to use Fitocracy to track my workouts, and I want to start again. However, my account with my email is so old and kind of depressing (because I can’t do the same things now), and so I deleted it. It took 48 hours for my data to be erased so I could make a new account with my email... and then I found out that that my “lucysweatslove” username was taken? SO I think... odd, did I make an account before when I stopped wanting to use “reynedrop?” 

Well, you can’t search fitocracy profiles unless you’re logged in apparently, but when I searched Google, I found my old blog (it’s now named lucysweatslove-old), and long story short, I found a way to view all my old posts on there, including photos of my “old” body.

It’s weird because I genuinely love how I look in those photos now. I’m not perfect, of course, but if my body looked like that now, I’d feel 100% confident in basically anything I wore. Like, look at this:

This was taken about five years ago (actual date not listed) while I was at work when I still worked at the health store. Like damn. I still love my ass in that photo.

It’s weird because I want to be that person again. I want my body to look (more) like that. I want to feel good in my body when I wear my favorite dresses. A couple years ago (or honestly maybe last year), if I had seen that photo (or any of them), I probably would've cried for like 15 min and felt guilty and angry.

Now, I look at these and I’m like “hell yeah, Past Self!” I don’t know if this is me distancing myself from my “old body,” like looking at it like it’s not actually me, or if I’ve truly made peace with the fact that this isn’t me now. In someway, I feel happy and motivated to know that while my body will never 100% look like it used it (I’m old, duh), I’m capable of loving the way my body looks and feeling confident and looking, well, good. 

I remember decently liking how I look at the time but also finding something to nitpick. I think I’ve turned a huge corner on the whole recovery thing- I’ve made friends with my body, and even if I don’t want to stay where I am now, I think I’m appreciating all that I am and excited for what I can be instead of being sad that I’m to my potential yet. I was stuck in this loop of constantly being frustrated I couldn’t achieve perfection and had to keep working, and now I know that perfection isn’t about being ideal, but in having exactly what you need- and in that way, things can be perfect now and still warrant effort/work

My body has changed a lot. There is a GREAT slightly NSFW (nothing shown but I’m in a thong and no bra to show off my actual body) photo of me at the end of my Junior year of college, and I look FANTASTIC. Okay. My body had to expand and stretch and grow for me to learn to be OK with every part of me. I’ll take that win. So my body may not be “ideal.” I may not be the pinnacle of perfect physical health. But you know what? My body is perfect right now because this is what I needed to be mentally healthy.

Very loaded series of questions. How goes the conversion classes? How are you feeling with all the current events involving Judaism?

The conversion classes are going great! So far I've known most of the material already from being a Noahide, doing a lot of independent research, and following a lot of Jewish creators, etc, in the 2 years leading up to everything, thankfully. But they still give me an opportunity to ask questions, get more in depth information, get to know classmates, and connect with my Rabbi. And I'm positive that eventually I will get to a place where we're covering things I know nothing about, ha. Especially since my Rabbi mandates 2 years minimum before she even starts considering us for the Beit Din!

As for the second half of the question, I am ... Trepidatious about current events for multiple reasons.

I have my own opinions about what's going on, but I also understand that I don't actually have enough education on such a highly complex issue to really be saying anything- and so I haven't (I know where my lane is, unlike a lot of people who could stand to learn where theirs resides). But that doesn't mean I'm not still being affected by it as a member of the Jewish community, regardless of whether or not I'm actually involved in any online discussion, online activism, etc, surrounding it.

Mostly, however, I'm just ... Watching. And I'm not liking what I'm seeing while I'm watching, frankly. Because it's been very "masks off" for Liberals and Progressives in a way that makes me feel incredibly unsafe in spaces I previously at least felt somewhat safe in, around people I once thought of as allies who shared the same foundational ethical and moral frameworks as I did. And it's been terrifying, honestly. But at the same time, I mean ... A part of me also always knew this was the case (Horseshoe Theory, and all that), and so I wasn't exactly surprised when the masks came off- though that doesn't exactly make it better.

This is a sentiment I'm feeling echoed by many Jews both inside and outside of my communities right now, though. And so at least I'm not alone in feeling like this about it all. And that does at least make me feel better; what I do know, is at the end of all of this we will still be here. Just as we have always continued to be here.

עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל חַי | Am Yisrael Chai | The People of Israel Live

@thisgingersnapped50 and @gingermuscles tagged me for a mugshot, ft. water and my super cool bi flag nails!

Today was a slog at work. SO TIRED. My legs feel so heavy. Everything does.

But at least I was doing tasks that I know how to do, remembering how to do them, and mentally able to start them. It was a good day!

Next: discuss honeymoon with Husband. He probably doesn't even have a list yet. 😅 But that's okay, because planning vacations is my JAM. I'm having a blast with this.

I tag, should they choose to play, @lucysweatslove @fatmaninalittlesuit @maria-the-ghoul

Ray Ban glasses 90%off will only need $24.99 and will donate $2.40 to COVID-19

@fitblr-bucketlist @loa3 @nicifitness @sandraicali @fitnessloveaffair @fitnika @lize-fit @run-miles-smile @believeinyovrself @puffin-to-lose-the-muffin @christacox @salk664 @purenikeworld @iamnikefit @projectjoanna @natural-beyouty @eatclean-togetlean @always-on-the-way @pathetic-to-athletic @gym-buddies @cvnis-prxmetheus @eatsleepsweat @becomelean @ieventyre @lucysweatslove-old @maluhii-blog @myafit @littlefairynymphet @fixatedonfit @phresssh-fruit @pbandgreentea @serotoninlifter @marblebirdy @afroveganhippie @fastcodesign @badengagementphotos @donttouchthatdial @animalavenger-blog @gabulous-healthy-living @journey-to-lose-half-of-me @ambitionperfection-blog @skinnyhope-blog @minimaldesks @issprdak @fit-fab-fun @xxhealthyfitnessxx-blog @iamdwreck-blog @thekalechronicles @fit-and-healthy-for-tomorrow @staff

Update: I’m going to give Cronometer a try. It comes with rave reviews by @lucysweatslove, so we’ll see how it goes. I’m starting by logging a day today just to see where I’m at.

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♫♪ Lucy’s back, tell a friend!  ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♫♪

AKA “new account; who dis?”

Previously lucysweatslove / lucydoesthings :) Tagging some URLs I remember to help me out: @fatmaninalittlesuit @fitnessgeekandcoffeefreak @anna-learns-to-love-herself @unrepentant-thinner @workoutinpink 

Memory is not my strong suit, so if we used to talk a lot or we just reblogged things from each other silently (if we were friends, basically), I want to find you again! Don’t feel sad if I don’t tag you, I just literally can’t remember a lot of URLs ):

A Personal “Intervention”

I’ve tried many times to start this post, but it’s hard to know exactly where to begin or how to start without it sounding melodramatic. The truth is that my story can start wherever I want it to- and no matter where I begin, there are small bits and pieces here and there that will be missed. So, where do I begin?

Beginnings.

I’m not sure exactly where my “problems with food” began, only that they did before I could remember much else. I don’t remember a time where I had a truly healthy relationship with food and my body, where I didn’t scrutinize myself and then turn to food. The short of it is that by the time I was in middle school, I was overweight, bullied (literally mooed at with lunch crumbs GLUED into my hair), and misinformed. 

Down the Rabbit Hole

To cut a long story short, I thought the root of my problems was my weight. My heart was healthy, but I didn’t like myself (long story short, I’ve had major depression since I was about 9). I took to losing weight- and dropped about 20 lbs one summer. The next school year, I realized that I *still* wasn’t happy, that I still thought death was the best answer. I ended up in the hospital for about a week, and when I got out, I was vulnerable. When an older boy showed interest in me, something I had told myself was the paramount of worth, I didn’t hesitate- despite the fact that he was not a good person. In the end, the relationship didn’t last long. When he didn’t respect when I said no, I told him it would never happen again and fell into a deeper depression... and gained all the weight back and then some.

You Can’t Climb Out By Digging Yourself Deeper

As the seasons turned and weather warmed, I started looking at myself and looking inward. The only time I had remembered feeling high self-worth was when I was losing weight, and I thought I could recreate that. Anything fueled by hatred, however, cannot be positive, and I only dug myself deeper into self-loathing, calorie restriction, too much exercise, and fear of gaining weight, to the point where I had many points where 

A Period of Calm- and Restoration.

When I started college, I met Rob. Though it took a while to learn to trust him, he was so... gentle, so kind, so funny... and so respectful. And he seemed to really love me for me. For the first time in my many years, I felt happiness. Not just excitement over reaching a new goal, but actual happiness. Over the four years of college, I worked not only on my education but on my sense of self. During this period of time, I actually had a tumblr (spinning-my-spokes and lucysweatslove), and when I thought it was actually becoming unhealthy for me, I had to stop to continue working on my self. I learned that I didn’t need to be thin to be happy. All I needed was love.

Love Weight

Rob and I moved in together after we graduated from college and started our work lives- and our eating and exercise habits changed pretty dramatically. Over the course of three years, and simply not caring so much about my body’s appearance, I gained weight. More weight that I had ever lost. The thing is, though, that I didn’t really care that much. Even though I’d look at myself and “hate” my stomach, I knew that it didn’t matter much. What mattered was my life- my life with Rob.

An Engagement and a Realization

On May 27, Rob asked me to be his wife. As I started to plan for the wedding, I made a realization- I had become complacent. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be complacent. Finally, after years, I felt free to just be, but with that freedom I had overindulged and forgotten about my health. It is now time for me to look at self-love from a different side of things- how can I truly love myself if I’m not treating my body with the best respect?