#losing you twice
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Losing You Twice / Interlude: Sting
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader
Summary: Y/N comes to some painful conclusions about her relationship with Spencer.
Category: Angst
Content: ...sadness?
Word Count: 1,049
SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST
NOTE: SURPRISEEEEEE!!! Unsurprisingly, Fletcher’s new music has been putting me back in the headspace to write, and this song in particular fucking destroyed me... And seeing where we left off and where the next chapter begins, it was a perfect bridge to fill the gap between the two chapters. I can’t wait to share the rest with you, seeing as the next chapter is almost done! It’ll most likely be up for you next week hehehehehehe
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"Are you gonna give that diamond ring that's meant for me to her? / Or maybe I like the way it sting / It's all I got left of you and me / Rather it keep on cutting deeper / Show what we were worth / How much longer will it sting?" —FLETCHER, Sting
There was one morning days after the wedding where it seemed like the true end of Y/N and Spencer was in sight.
Her eyes opened, and instead of searching for a text message with his name attached, she rolled out of bed and poured herself a cold plastic cup of water, chugged it, and went for a run. She didn't even change out of the shorts and tank top she slept in the night before. She threw on her shoes and bolted out the door without her phone or anything, which probably wasn't smart, but it wasn't even a thought.
She just needed to leave.
Without knowing where she was heading, Y/N ran until she couldn't handle it anymore, her lungs paining her with every intake of breath and her legs shaking violently.
And then she sat down on the damp grass, caught her breath for an hour, and walked back to her apartment with an empty mind.
He didn't even cross her mind once.
For days she went to work, went for runs, and ate dinner alone in her dining room until she was tired, and then she slept soundly in her bed without a nightmare to be had. Never mind that it felt robotic and lifeless, she had finally rid her mind of Spencer and his painful memory, and that was enough.
And then, after closing her eyes two weeks later, it all came crashing down like a ton of bricks onto a glass house.
It was only a vision of a diamond, twinkling in the sun under a clear blue sky, and a slender, steady hand sliding it onto the finger of a much smaller, shakier one. She recognized the jewel immediately, but wasn't delusional enough to believe it was her hand that it was meant for. In another life, perhaps, but the reality of this life stated that it simply wasn't possible.
She opened her eyes, breathing slowly until the glass cracked around her, and under the weight of those bricks, it eventually shattered, leaving her trapped under shards of a broken house that she'd built for herself after months of heartache. It was a futile attempt in the end, she realized as she laid there, crushed by the weight of her actions and the sting it left behind. Throwing up a couple planes of glass to protect herself from the hurt would only work for so long, and now, that time had ran out.
He was gone. He had moved on. The longer she stayed away from him, the farther he would go, until she was nothing but a distant memory and the love he once had for her was only a fleeting feeling that was never meant to last.
Her chest heaved stronger and stronger until it hurt to breathe, and when the first sob ripped through the tension in the air, it was settled.
In the weeks that followed, she came to realize that she didn't know who she was without the sting of his absence. Those days where she robotically maneuvered life without him were hollow and numb, and in the end it wasn't fulfilling. At least this way she was able to keep him with her. At least this way she was able to know she could feel anything at all. She felt something for him, obviously, otherwise it wouldn't have hurt this much.
Was it love? Was it only lust? Possession? There was something keeping him housed inside her soul and it was impossible to distinguish what it was.
Whatever it was, she wondered if he felt it, too. Even as he moved on with his life and with someone new, did he ever have these feelings about her? Did he ever feel her, latched onto his very being in the middle of the night as he tried to forget there was anything there in the first place? Did he ever have moments where the urge to call her up just to hear her voice was so strong that it made him sick to his stomach? Did he ever look Nicole in the eyes and see flashes of her, begging him to stay?
Did he ever believe that maybe one day they could reconcile?
Even if they never would, if reconciliation was completely off the table, just the idea that he might think about it from time to time was enough to ease the pain just long enough for her to manage falling asleep at a semi-reasonable hour.
By the time she woke up, alone and cold, the peace had left her body and made room for restless wondering.
Would she ever be able to face him again? Would she ever gain the courage to let him know that she was sorry and that she truly wished him happiness, even if she wasn't the one to give it to him? Or would doing that only have the opposite effect?
It was these questions that plagued her for days and weeks and months, until it became such a routine that she'd become numb to the sting anyway.
Eventually there was a balance of hurt and serenity.
She could break her own heart with these questions and still go about her daily life with ease, making room for tears alongside her morning coffee and utilizing frustration as motivation for exercise. She became a bitter, wounded animal with regret and sorrow and a little sliver of hope pumping through her blood, and with each day that passed, it became more clear that perhaps she just wasn't built for forgiveness. Least of all, his.
At this point she wasn't even sure that she was built for her own...
After all, there was so much damage that she caused, it was a wonder Spencer ever came back at all. Maybe it was a good thing that she wasn't hearing from him this time around.
Maybe he was doing her a favor.
Maybe the sting wouldn't last forever.
"I still feel you right here every now and then / And it hits me like a missile in my heart again / Don't you start again / In my heart again..."
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader angst#spencer reid angst#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid fanfic#losing you twice
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Great heavens above they are gay
#I purely made this re6 because its my favourite Leon to draw#But I also like the angst of Leon losing him twice so.#When I showed the sketch to my best friend she thought I drew them making out so take that as you will#resident evil#resident evil 4#resident evil 6#leon s kennedy#luis serra#serennedy#ani's scribbles
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Alas, this beautiful dream could not last.
#dungeon meshi#falin touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#better drawn mdzs#(<- my higher effort art tag. I need to get a new one.) While it's different from my usual style I really loved how this came out!#Strolling back to the art scene to remind everyone I am still a lover of botanicals.#I had a blast with the symbolism for this one:#White lilium longiflorum (easter lily) for rebirth. Purple hyacinthus orientalis for sorrow and forgiveness.#Red spider lily (Lycoris radiata) for loss and death.#'Rebirth into something new' is so well done in Dungeon Meshi. She is back but she is not the same.#The last few episodes/chapters gives her this dreamy quality to her. As if she's not quite real. She's so perfect in their memories.#And as we know of dreams - no matter how sweet- they must end once we wake up.#It is so painful to lose someone twice. To see someone you loved in a dream and wake up and remember that loss again.#Dungeon Meshi being a grief allegory is important to me. I'll explain more as the story continues B'*)
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Prompt 234
More of the Tiamat Au? More of the Tiamat Au!
Sharing a body was strange. Ten limbs split between the nine of them- thirteen if one counted the tails and seventeen if one counted the fact that their cloak… skirt… whatever could mimic the wings of their other form.
One which they would change back to after a few moments- there was much less stumbling when it was all fours. Not to mention that if not for the tails they’d have easily toppled over with how many arms they had making them slightly top heavy. Okay more than slightly, it was taking a bit to adjust.
Honestly the fields of wheat and other crops did nothing to hide them with how tall even this body was, but it was still better than nothing, and they were using the fact it was the middle of nowhere to their shared advantage.
At least the humanoid- not human, even now their shared power thrummed through the air, leaking from them- form was smaller than their true draconic one. Well, perhaps they shouldn’t call it their true form, when they were once all human, halfa and liminal alike, but they’d long since stopped being such. So perhaps it was in fact true to call the form they had become as their normal state now.
Actually, could they even separate now? Or had their power melded together so much that it was impossible now, and an attempt would end them? It would at the very least crack their core-
“What the fuck.”
Their head lurched, a little too far if the jolt of pain was anything before it melted away. They were all too used to moving their own necks separately. But all of them agreed that discovery could not happen-
Oh.
It was a child. A preteen with red-orange hair, blue-green eyes, expensive clothing, and most damming of all, large swaths of bruising across his arms. Bruising that did not come from usual play, and looked far too much like hand prints for any of their comfort.
Someone had very much not been taking care of this child. And that really made them quite angry.
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#The Class Pulls a Tiamat#The ennead finding lil baby Lex: Oh no the poor baby… our baby now#Lex as an adult seeing reporter also from smallville: Oh thank fuck- pretend I didn’t say that#Lex raised by the chaos 9 would be twice as horrifying#Lex got tossed over to this small town whenever his bio-father got tired of him#But he has a new mom-dad now & was raised as a feral lil shit#Acts like an ass still towards other rich people#But he was raised by a feral hydra and it SHOWS the first time someone tries to kidnap him#Liminal Lex Luthor#What happened to Lionel? They DEFINITELY didn’t eat him#Ennead: Son you better not become a hero plz you will lose so much sleep & your schoolwork will suffer-#Luthor feels better about Superman because he knows there’s things that CAN defeat him if he turns evil#That’s even if he still ends up in Metropolis lol#Or if he stays human and doesn’t learn dragon shapeshifting from his new parents lol#PFFT Lex Luthor collecting kryptonite not to use against Superman but for hoarding purposes lmao
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ughhhhh so probably the tgcf scene i think the most about is in the final battle when hua cheng is holding xie lian and backwards gripping eming with his other hand i . god. this is referenced off of The Fallen Angel by Alexandre Cabanel (i’m pretty sure everyone has seen it by this point) which is surprisingly pretty topical for tgcf.
#all the stuff about falling from heaven and losing your humanity and whatnot#has anyone done this before#also#idk if anybody is keeping track of the lazycranberrydoodles lore but in high school we read paradise lost#and i blorbofied satan#girl who was rotating the devil from the bible in her head for a month#for the final project i ended up accidentally writing twice the required word count. lmao#what does this say about me? doesnt matter. more importantly what does it say about how satan was written 🤨#what do YOU think milton intended by making satan the most complex compelling and competent character in the book#also also#YIPPEEEEE NEW PFP#pride month is over ....#lesbian hua cheng is still real in our hearts#tgcf#hua cheng#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#sketch#doodle#hualian#mxtx#art#digital art#my art
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google "how to write a character who is known within her universe for having no filter and swearing a lot (especially in the face of authority) without having it read like i graduated from vivziepop school of writing"
#this is why we have to abide by the “3 fucks per character” rule#octavia gets 3 “fuck”s 3 “shit”s and 3 “bitch”s per chapter with unlimited low level swars eg crap and damn#this is good actually cuz it makes me think of where itd be the funniest/most effective to add swears so they dont lose their bite#also if you are going to write a story where swears are used i feel like you should have at least one character with a sqeaky clean mouth#and maybe let them swear like. twice through the entire thing#(for RAA this is onion and vivica)#(vivica is only allowed to use ye olde swears such as “blast” and “great heavens” and “jesus mary joseph”)
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Hurt/Comfort parallels
inspired by a conversation with @stupidrant
#god of war ragnarok#gowredit#gowedit#gow ragnarok#atreus#angrboda#mine#god of war#I kept trying to figure out which scene the armchair Troll Brigade you told me about was referring to#about Angrboda 'yelling AT Atreus'#clearly in the second gif scene her dejection and pain (resulting in a raised voice) are not directed at him at all#but rather at the prospect of parting with him (which she outright said twice she didn't want to#on top of all the moments when she was saddened about it&Atreus promised to come back after Ragnarok)#and THEN it hit me#the trolls must have - per their usual pattern - twisted the scene after the one in the 1st gif#where it's Atreus who loses his cool and takes it out on her first#then Angrboda responds to HIS outburst and yells back at him about the prophesy#only to immediately regret it and admit it was mean#moreover that comes right after the scene#of her gently calming him down&cupping his face in his formidable wolf form#while he menacingly growled at her but she still wasn't one bit afraid#and helped him regain his human form#then after their mutual backlash Angrboda went out of her way to again soothingly talk him into comfort#telling Atreus not to worry about the future for now and pulling the cloth over the mural which caused him such turmoil#promising to help him get better acquainted with his identity as a giant#(which was what he wanted)#but context is not nor has it ever been trolls' strong suit
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And another thing: Leo and pixelvibes are the same gahtdamn people, bergdorfverse's shit is horrific in CAS, straight trash. Felix, Harrie, Clutter Cat are all either the same personailities of one person or cousins. Anye created an entirely new patreon account (plush pixels) for maxis match stuff. Why not do like other creators and make it all under one account?
Also its forever fuck early access, I don't give a damn how much gas you don't have in your car.
#i'm not signing a petition#EA ain't gonna do shit#they allow early access on curseforge anyway#let's just start saying the quiet parts out loud#leo used to follow me to read my story#but I had to block her twice because the principle#how you got your free shit going through linkvertise?#how you got TWO different accounts cosplaying as two different people?#fuck outta here#ignore me#let me check and see how many followers I lose now
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listen listen listen listen. i am never going to get over singed & viktor. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE MENTAL ANGUISH. THE MESS OF EMOTIONS VIKTOR HAS TO DEAL WITH. he's so steadfast with his morals and ideals. hextech must not be weaponized. dangerous science is fine as long as the only person at risk of getting hurt is me. the moment it kills someone else he's fucking BROKEN by it and just throws in the gd towel. YET SINGED WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HIM. like just. imagine, ok. imagine— take the premise that singed & viktor were actually pretty close. viktor was lonely as a kid, but he found company in rio. in singed. singed provides a space and opportunity for viktor to do his science stuff. "we can be loners together." here's someone he probably has a decent amount of affection and respect for, maybe even admires like a kid would a mentor/role model/parental figure. and he hurts rio. and viktor doesn't understand, he can't reconcile this. "we can be loners together," but also, "you did this?" viktor's got like a whole slew of emotions to deal with. What the fuck? How could you? I hate you. But also, "I told you, I was consulting a friend about our quandary."
"You built this? Why aren't you playing with the others?"
"We can be loners together."
Like just what are you supposed to do when someone who provided for you — who took care of you, who looked after you as a kid — hurts someone? Someone that you care about? What the FUCK are you supposed to when that person is willing to torture and kill for science — something that you are also passionate about, the very thing you both found commonality in, bonded over — and does it all without even a hint of remorse? What are you supposed to think?
Are you allowed to find comfort and safety in that person anymore? Can you still have good memories about them, and look back at them fondly? Can you be thankful for all the good that person's done for you?
What does it say about you, if they're the one who influenced you so much so early in your life, and here they are now?
Viktor gets Sky killed, and can you imagine what must've been running through his head? I'm no better than him. I'm turning out just like him. I am just like him. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
AND IT'S JUST.
AAGGHH!!!
#sorry this is so disjointed it's 11pm#singed arcane#arcane singed#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#THIS ISNT EVEN TO MENTION THE BATTLECAST SKINLINE BTW#LIKE GODDAMN#THESE CHARACTERS#riot would get so much money out of me if they made stuff for them fr#everyday i lose my mind over these two#it's such a great contrast to all the other parent-child/mentor-protege relationships in arcane too cus#vi's taking vander's lessons to heart#jinx doesnt give a shit about the bad stuff silco's done#the closest resemblence to singed & vik is mel & her mom but it's like#same text different font style yknow#singed is the background character you don't think twice about#ambessa's much more proactive#heimer & jayce have a similar dynamic too i think but im not gonna clog the tags#and i only have the braincells for singed & vik lmfao#arcane#god s2 pls dont fuck these characters up im praying im begging on my gd knees
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fletcher’s latest single Sting has me fighting the urge to write a bonus chapter of Losing You Twice that takes place between Bitter and The One 😳🫣
I MEANNNNNN
#there are months between the two chapters anyway… so there’s time for Feelings#HMMMMMMMMM#mercy blabs#losing you twice
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reading the tsctir novel, yoojin and hyunjae have barely even met properly and i already find myself making an album titled "amount of times shj tries to change the genre"
cause like what...
And i thought the manhwa was bad
#tsctir#the s classes that i raised#my s class hunters#sung hyunjae#han yoojin#no because what the actual fuck is going on#im only on the kim sunghan dungeon part and yoojin has already said “i love you” TWICE#and sung hyunjae?!?!? “the first to fall will be the first to lose” WHAT#novel reads#novel#tsctir novel
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So me n @egooppidum are doing our multiplayer honour mode run and aside of the endless amount of bugs, the most recent one was me receiving HER as a reward from Alfira 😭
So…we knocked out Alfira in act 1 so my durge ass doesn't kill her, just for her to gift me @egooppidum 💀 (the player she had -40 approval with LMFAO)
ALSO FCK YOU LARIAN, I CAN'T ROMANCE MY WIFE MINTHARA BECAUSE SHE BUGGED OUT IN ACT 2 (iwant to cry. Minthy is literally the only companion that I would ditch Astarion for😭)but also I'm currently romancing Gale and...I think im becoming a Gale girlie...ohmygod
#LARIAN ISTFG#bg3#personal ~#bg3 honour mode#I love you tho vic#you're the best reward#this is why i haven't done any new posts after my “im back”#this honour mode mode run made me lose my marbles#we had to knock out minthara twice and do our best not to kill her thanks to random bugs...and now we can't even talk to her#she's just stuck in moonrise towers in a little corner...all alone#without me :'<
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a man said the most eddie-coded thing about me that i genuinely cannot stop thinking about it days later but he doesn’t know that i know he said what he did
#my friend said i’ve got a special flavor of trauma from my childhood#and he immediately goes ‘i wanna know what it tastes like 😏’#i’m haunted#he met me twice and just alluded to eating my [redacted]#and i’d let him !#this is why i’ve been mia#him: don’t judge#the girls in question; not judging but losing their fucking minds#such casual rizz someone fucking sedate me#i also have a story time about how he paid for my (well mine and my best friends) dinner and it gave me BUTTERFLIES#anyways boys#be careful with what you tell her best friend#she’s loyal to me first 😤#i don’t think y’all wanna hear about my love life but this is the most exciting it’s been in a while#eddie munson would 100% joke about ‘tasting your trauma’ idc
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she gave me a million ways to call her back and i gave her a million reasons to forget me
#warrior cats#waca#cinderheart#hollyleaf#cinderholly#deer scribbles#cinderholly map to hollie col's she knows please#<- because yoU DONT KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FIND YOUR LOVE AND LOSE HER TWICE#i hate doing detailed bgs thank goodness i love messy shit lol
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no, your honor, you don’t understand. i need this specific scene to breathe. your honor, listen, listen, please, they’re everything to me, please, you have to understand—
#thinking about them again#i need MK to be the clingiest student ever so help me#he went apeshit twice. TWICE when he thought he was close to losing swk again#your honor please stop struggling and listen to me#stop calling for help nobody will hear you. your honor- your honOR LISTEN#lmk#sunburst duo#lmk sun wukong#lmk mk#sun wukong#mk#lmk qi xiaotian#qi xiaotian#your honor can you imagine living in isolation for half a millennia and then finding some young mortal to be your successor and#trying to keep some distance at first because you’re immortal and are tired of losing people you live to time and mortals are so fragile an#yet….you can’t help but be endeared by this energetic mortal who delivers noodles for his adopted dad’s restaurant and has such a big heart#at some point you opened your heart and consider the mortal to no long JUST be your student but also your friend and you care for him#(god do you care for him. like he was one of your own. like he was one of your little suns)#you care but you are flawed and you are scared of what would happen if he knew; if he saw those cracks in your perfect mural#you’re scared but you care and oh do you try your best despite how out of your element you feel. you try and you care and somehow…he knows#[brb imma go cry]
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“I like watching him get tangled up in his own web of self-pity, raising a superiority complex AND an inferiority complex at the same time.”
THAT NIGGA HAS BPD!!,! 🫵
ohSHIT... I didn't REALIZE
Oh noooo is that why I like him so much? Did I read BPD into Nightheart and attach myself like a limpet?? Oh god it makes sense now OTL
I was even planning for him to eventually find out he has a LOT in common with Squilf who I already decided has BPD in BB because I love her so much, is that what I was picking up on subconsciously?
AND BRAMBLESTAR IS A MUTUAL ABUSER OUGHHH... she probably recognizes him using the same tactics on Nightheart that used to work on her! Oh god oh fuck!
LISTEN; I don't rewrite arcs until they're done, so, don't take any of this as canon to BB yet, but... maybe a change I should really anticipate is changing HOW Bramblestar steps down.
I think it would work well with the themes of BB for it to not be his choice, but a... "gentle rebellion." Squirrelflight, Sparkpelt, all of the Firekin, Twigbranch, everyone who has been harmed by Bramblestar confronting him as a group and telling him what's going to happen next.
"You're going to step down. You won't be talking to Nightheart anymore. Enough is enough, Bramblestar."
"So this is how it ends?? This is how you treat me? ...this is what you've felt, all along? I've given EVERYTHING to this Clan, since--"
Just starts ranting, his voice rising in volume, lurches up out of his nest and tries to tower over everyone to make them cower.
They don't budge.
Sparkpelt is eye-level with him, just as big as her father. When he catches her gaze, he doesn't see his daughter's eyes. He sees Jessy, just before she left.
And she sees a child throwing a tantrum.
"Enough is enough."
He does not take the lesson she meant from this. He just hears his traitor of a deputy, his witch of an ex-mate, with her words in his daughter's mouth. He doesn't regret the real reasons; he regrets allowing Squirrelflight to mentor his kit.
And he claps that anger onto Squilf; "StarClan will be the judge of you."
A year ago, she would have been terrified of that. But God is hard to fear when you've been plucked from the heavens and seen his angels die.
"Ok. Anyway,"
then she delves into some boring legal stuff like how he won't sleep with the other elders, the logistics of making this official, going to the Moonpool with a witness, etc etc etc
#better bones au#BB!ASC#Tw abuse#The trick to writing Bramble is that he bluffs. He isn't physically abusive he's emotionally abusive#His size can be a really good natural tool with it but if you call the bluff he won't back it up#Doing this as a group would be a choice on Squilf's part because that tactic loses its bite when you have backup#Plus having everyone witness his reaction is good form. Confirm that he is not a rational leader or at the very least#Can't keep his cool under pressure#Not that most of these cats need to be told twice. Especially Twig and Alder.#I am also thinking of adding some democracy to SkyClan that Squilf picked up...#So these cats did actually vote for this on quiet#I should probably name this political faction tbh#They're the remnants of the TBC rebellion. Fire Alone radicals#Not that it's important yet#Maybe something like from-Ash-will-rise. So AshRisers in English#Since they are rising from Ashfur's tyranny PLUS the fire burning thistles away theme#Could be translated as The Cleanup Crew#Ask to tag
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