#listen to me yes i love u sibling relationships yes i love u sibling relationships
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[deep breath] not me suddenly getting hit by tcw feelings in this year 2024 but like. truly ough i love likening ahsoka and anakin and obi-wan's entire dynamic as tragic siblings because that's the closest approximation we have to it but also just like. there's tragic siblings because they're the ones you're supposed to joke with and play with and look up to when it seems like everything is falling apart.
and then there's the whole tragic student-teacher element to all of it and maybe it's just like. i look up to you i owe you so much i know you've only ever tried and wanted to make me better i know you saw something in me worth cultivating and keeping you exasperate me sometimes because why the hell do i need to know this kind of stuff why the hell are you nitpicking this kind of stuff why do you care so much about why i succeed or not you're not my parent and i don't want you to be my parent but also you helped me learn more about myself and the world than i've ever realized. can i ask for your opinion about this later. can i still ask you for help on this problem.
and then the whole flip side of that is like. you were someone who mentored me and taught me and now you're a monster i barely know or recognize and how could you do this how could you say that how could you hurt me like this i know you think you're doing the right thing and you're so much older and wiser and i'm still waiting at the door like a little kid but also i don't think being taught lessons is meant to feel like this and i can't tell if i'm still acting childish or if maybe, more horrifyingly, everyone who warned me about you was right and you really are a monster and you've taught me how to be a monster and what do i do now and i guess i just have to grapple with the fact that you molded me and shaped me and if you broke off one of my arms while doing that, then who am i to tell
#caroline talks#tcw#listen to me yes i love u sibling relationships yes i love u sibling relationships#and of course siblings can mentor and teach their siblings too#but i also think about like. okay if we also remember the whole master-padawan dynamic too.#it's the whole. yeah that's literally your mentor who's going to guide you and make sure you're going to survive out there.#anyways. i love u screwed up siblings and tragic siblings#and kind of related to that. i love u screwed up mentorships.#like. where's that one suits quote.#the one that's like 'he's my mentor. it's a difficult relationship to explain'#and it's just like. yup! sure can! your mentor can be like your family. they can be family at some point#but also it's like. 'well they started off as my teacher. they started off as my mentor. to guide me and help me grow'#and it's just like. OUGh.
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marriage of convenience: part 5
pairing: pero tovar x f!reader
WC: 10.1k (longest part yet!)
summary: reader’s relationship w/tovar develops. she and lisbeth dare an adventure.
a/n: thank you to everyone who has stuck with this. it has been months (!!) since I updated this story so if you’re still here—thank you. i hope u enjoy this extra long update :)
series masterlist
PART FIVE
“My love,” your mother called as you made your way to the door, rushing. Tovar was already annoyed at how late you were running, waiting outside, and you didn’t want to keep him waiting for long. He was already unpleasant enough.
“Yes?” You threw over your shoulder, already halfway out the door.
“Will you see Lisbeth today?”
“I expect so.”
“Give these to her for me,” she handed you a bundle wrapped in linen–herbs, of course. Your mother was practically an apothecary at this point. “They’re for her mother’s headaches. And when you stop by Olga’s today, see if she has any of the lemon-honey concoction she uses during the cold months.”
You puzzled. It was late May–your family would not be in need of such a thing until mid-autumn at the latest.
“Why? Will she even have some? It is early summer.”
“I expect she will,” Your mother walks in from the kitchen. “She always has some reserves for the occasional late spring cold. It is for your father. His breathing has gotten worse.”
Your stomach turns to stone, but you force yourself to nod as you take your basket and leave through the rickety front door.
Of course. Of course it was for your father. You silently said a prayer to whatever god was listening for his recovery, like you always did whenever he took a turn for the worse.
He had always had issues with his health, ever since he came back from the war when you were twelve.
It began with a leg injury that never really recovered–he’d taken an arrow to the shoulder and fallen off his horse, breaking his leg in the process. If your mother had been there, he would have healed almost completely and even been able to walk again, but the encampment he had been in had no one with healing knowledge. The wound had festered, according to your mother, and your father was lucky to be alive. He hadn’t walked fully since.
The injury had caused your father to have to sell his blacksmith’s shop in town–the one Tovar apprenticed at now.
His health had been slowly declining ever since. Last winter, he suffered a chill and a bout of a coughing illness that took his ability to breath unencumbered, the winter before that, he’d suffered fainting spells and lost feeling in his injured leg. Until recently, he’d been able to hobble down the stairs with the help of your mother, but in the past weeks, he has been too weak to even make it downstairs for supper. You feared the worst, as you always did.
Graciela and James, your two siblings with enough sense to know something was wrong, were more hopeful than you.
“He will recover soon. He always does.”
Grace had told you the night before, over mending by the fire. Your mother was so weary these days that the two of you had to do much of the household chores. “Womens’ work,’ Petyr called it. You dreaded it and found it odious, but it was your duty. You would not let it fall to your mother, who had enough on her plate keeping the family afloat.
You wished you could believe your sister, but you were always the more cynical one.
You’d spent the better part of your life waiting for the next hammer to fall; waiting for the day when your father didn’t recover and the family was left in the care of the next male relative in line. Petyr. The very thought made your blood turn cold.
If Petyr treated you the way he did now, when your father was alive and coherent, you had no desire to discover what horrors would await you when your father departed from this world.
There had been a time when you dreamed of marriage; yearned for it, even. There had been years when you and Lisbeth, on May Day, had gathered ten different kinds of wildflowers and put them under your pillow to dream of your true love, a practice your mother swore led her parents to find each other.
But as you grew older, more well-versed in the ways of the world, it dawned on you that real life was rarely like the tales that bards sang of. At least, for people like you. You also knew that if you ever dreamed of escaping your village, of seeing all the world had to offer, marriage would end all aspirations of that.
You squared your shoulders as you stepped out into the fresh morning air in front of your family’s small home, urging all thoughts of your father’s illness to the back of your head.
“Took you long enough,” Tovar grunted from where he leaned on the small wooden fence meant to keep the family goat in. “We will be late. The blacksmith will not like it.”
You rolled your eyes, opening the gate and walking past him onto the small road that led through the forest and into town.
“Then remind him who it is you live with. He will have no qualms.”
It was one of the things you hated most about him; his tendency to take everything so seriously.
“Just because your father trained him does not mean he will extend me grace,” Tovar grumbled from behind you. You could hear the buckles bump against the metal of his armor.
That was something that puzzled you; you didn’t know why he still wore it—he wasn’t at war, and nothing so exciting as a sword fight ever happened in your village.
“And why not?” You asked, entering the treeline. The trees cast shadows on the dirt road in the early morning light. “He would do so with William or any one of my brothers if they expressed interest in the family trade.”
Tovar huffed in annoyance from behind you and your lips curled into a smirk. It had become one of your pastimes in the weeks that he’d been escorting you to and from the market. You liked to see how annoyed he could get.
“I am not like your brothers,” he said. “Or William for that matter.”
You chuckled—that much was obvious. Your brothers and your cousin were much more open, more kind than Tovar, who barely expressed any emotion besides annoyance and occasional anger.
“That I know,” you threw back at him. “No one would ever accuse you of being as sunny as them.”
“That is not what I meant.”
You puzzled and turned behind you, realizing what he was implying.
“You think it is because you are foreign?” You asked in disbelief. “From another kingdom?”
Tovar kept walking, face impassive, not betraying any emotion but annoyance.
“It is the same in this part of the world as it is in others,” he says like it’s nothing. “They need but look at me for a moment to tell that I am unlike them.”
You rolled your eyes. So dramatic.
“This village is used to foreigners,” you said matter-of-factly. “We see strange people from strange places every day. People trade everything from silk from the far east to salt from the continent to the south. You aren’t so special.”
Tovar just leveled you with a dry look, and you took it as a sign to keep talking.
“Your scowl and that armor don’t help,” you added with a smirk, swinging your basket back and forth beside you as you walked.
“What is wrong with my armor?” Tovar sounded puzzled. You stifled a laugh.
“Really?” You turned your head to stare at him, but found his brows furrowed in genuine confusion. You sighed. “You walk into the village everyday in full armor. Like you expect someone to put a dagger in your side at any moment. You do not smile, do not try to speak with anyone unless it is for trade. You should not be surprised people are wary of you.”
“I wear my armor everywhere except when I sleep. It is—”
“A habit, I’m sure,” you finished for him. “But still, this is a peaceful village. The most violence we see is from a brawl at the tavern or a rowdy group of traders on leave. Wearing full battle armor sends the message that you don’t trust us. And that makes people nervous.”
It was true—there hadn’t been even a skirmish on your lands in years. Not since the war, when the old Lord died and power passed to his son. Since then, your land had known peace.
Tovar huffed what you almost thought was a laugh, but when you looked back at him, his mouth was downturned and his eyes were narrow.
“I don’t trust you.”
At that, you laughed, a deep thing from deep in your stomach. If someone told you Tovar slept with a knife beneath his head, you’d believe them. You weren’t even sure he trusted William.
“That I believe,” you shook your head and continued down the dirt road to town, leaving a grumbling Tovar trudging behind you.
—-
In the recent weeks, you and Tovar had begun to form a kind of begrudging companionship.
You still didn’t like him–not in the least. He was uncouth and rude. He never exchanged pleasantries with anyone at the market and you were sure you’d never seen him smile. Not even once. And the two of you often bickered. So much so that your mother had taken to seating you on opposite sides of the table at dinner to avoid as much conflict as possible.
Hence, the begrudging part. The companionship merely meant that you had begun to be able to tolerate his presence. Barely.
Your brother hadn’t reared his ugly head in the recent weeks either, being either too drunk or preoccupied with other things to notice you. That was a blessing in and of itself. You still hadn’t really gotten over the embarrassment that had come over you at Tovar seeing your bruises. You knew it was what caused him to volunteer to escort you to town daily and still, you hadn’t addressed it with him.
Still, as May slogged into June, you were stuck with him. Unless you wanted your drunk, unpredictable, brute of a brother to accompany you to the townsquare every other morning, you had to learn to endure the company of the quiet Spaniard.
And endure you did.
You’d learned not to ask questions; whenever you did, you were either met with silence, or a stilted, annoyed response. In fact, the conversation you’d shared this morning was the longest conversation you’d had with him.
That was just one thing that set Tovar apart from your cousin, William. Both men had seen so much of the world, lived so many different lives, and while William spoke of his time abroad with bright eyed and excited words, Tovar’s past hung over him like a heavy cloud. You didn’t know what the grizzled mercenary had experienced during his time traveling, but whatever it was, he didn’t want to talk about it.
Which was difficult for you—you could listen to William talk for hours about his time on the road. But, you’d heard all of William’s stories. Tovar kept whatever tales of his travels closer to his chest than his armor. And you resented him for it.
You resented that with all the freedom in the world, with a lifetime of stories and lived experiences under his belt, with the blessing of being born as a man in this world, he had the nerve to act the way he did: angry at the world, scowling at every kind face.
The absence of that—of freedom—pulsed and throbbed deep in your chest. And all you could feel was anger.
The sights and smells of the town’s center flooded your senses when you reached the market. You took a deep breath and tried to savor it: the aroma of spices from far-off places, the sharp smell of lemons from Arabia, the colorful hues of silk and fabric, the bustle of business and trade. It was as much of the wide world you were afforded, so you took it in with wide eyes and a smile.
You looked down to your basket, mentally going over the deliveries and trades you had to make before meeting with Lisbeth by the bakery. You were fingering a sprig of stray lavender when Tovar nudged your shoulder, breaking your train of thought. You turned and glared at him.
“I will leave you here,” he mumbled, looking around you and scanning the faces of the people bustling by. “You will meet me at the blacksmith’s when you are finished.”
“I will, will I?” You asked, feeling your temper flare. You hated when he gave you orders–like you were an animal and not a person.
Tovar leveled you with a dry look, before rolling his eyes himself.
“Do not be late,” he said, before adjusting his satchel and walking away.
You glared at his back as he went, cursing the broad expanse of his shoulders. Not only was he an ass, but he was a handsome ass. That was even worse.
With a sigh, you set about making your first delivery, already planning on being late to meet Tovar later in the day.
- -
By the time you’d completed your second delivery, the sun was high in the sky and strong. You could feel the back of your neck glisten and knew that when you looked in the mirror at the end of the day, there would be freckles dusted across your cheeks.
You’d already delivered one order of tea to the miller’s wife, who promised you a satchel of grain in return by week’s end, and traded the town seamstress for some new thread. Your stomach buzzed with excitement at the news you’d heard as you left the seamstress’s parlor.
It had been a normal business dealing: the seamstress, an elderly woman who had been a friend of your grandmother, had long been a customer of your mother’s. You knew her well. Your mother had sent you to get new thread for mending, but you always stayed for a cup of tea whenever the seamstress, Agnetha, whenever you traded with her.
“You look more like your grandmother every time I see you,” she said, sitting down gingerly on a stool behind the wooden counter at the front of the shop.
You smiled at her. You’d never met your paternal grandmother, but you had always been told that you resembled her—the same facial structure, the same hair, the same stubborn spirit. It warmed you to hear it from someone who knew her so well.
“Thank you,” you said, finishing the cup of herbal tea and setting it down. “And thank you for the thread. My mother sends her regards. She apologizes that she can’t be here to see you in person.”
“Oh, pay it no mind dear,” Agnetha’s gnarled hand pats yours. “With a household to run and that business with your father, god only knows how she can manage it all.”
You clench your teeth at the mention of your father. That was what it was like living in a village of this size: no one’s business was private.
“I was sorry to hear about your father, dear,” Agnetha continued. “Do let me know if I can do anything to help.”
“Thank you,” your lips spread into a tight-lipped smile.
It wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate the sentiment–you did—it was just that you had grown tired of hearing the same sentiments from everyone. It was suffocating, having everyone know the trials of your family.
“I must take my leave, I’m afraid,” you said after a beat. “I must make haste if I am to finish all my business by day’s end.”
“Of course,” Agnetha waved you off, but then held one finger up, turning back to the back room of her shop. “But give me one moment! I had forgotten—I have something for you.”
You puzzled but obeyed, your interest piqued. What could she possibly have for you?
After a moment, the white-haired woman reappeared with a bushel of flowers with small, white petals: yarrow. She held them out to you.
You furrowed your eyebrows.
“What is–”
“For tonight, my dear,” she leaned in and smiled at you like you were in on some secret. Your confusion grew.
Nothing save for seasonal festivals and feasts ever happened in your village. Besides, if there was anything happening tonight, you were sure you’d know about it.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean—”
“Oh, hush,” Agnetha cackled. “I remember it all too well when I was your age. Your grandmother and I snuck off to Geris many a time when we were girls. These are for your hair. It is said they will bring you good fortune and a happy husband if worn on the feast of Saint Julia.”
“Geris,” you mumbled, all of it clicking into place.
Geris was a neighboring village—a town really—nearly an hour walk north of your own. It was larger and a bigger hub for trade than your own home, as it bordered the sea. Petyr would often go there to drink or gamble with his friends, sometimes not returning for days on end. You had never been.
“There is a festival in Geris today?” You asked Agnetha, who now looked as confused as you had been moments ago.
“Why yes,” she laughs. “The largest one of the year—Saint Julia is the patron saint of Geris. I–did you not know?”
“No,” you laughed, suddenly giddy with excitement, already plotting in your head how you could sneak off to experience it for yourself.
“How the times have changed,” Agnetha hummed. “When I was young, it was every mama’s worst nightmare for her daughter to sneak off to the festival of Saint Julia.”
“Is it still as grand as you remember it?”
“I imagine so,” she smiled. “The dancing is what I loved the most.”
“Well then,” you smiled at her. “I believe I shall have to dance, won’t I?” You took the flowers from her. “With flowers in my hair.”
Agnetha smiled a secretive grin and patted your hand.
“Do, dear. Twirl a little extra for me,” she said. “Now, be on your way—and be safe!”
You thanked her and left, walking out into the balmy warmth of mid-morning, feeling all-of-a-sudden more hopeful than you had that morning.
-
You met Lisbeth by the miller’s pond just before noon, like you’d planned. It had been your meeting place whenever the two of you were in town for years. Growing up, since your father’s property bordered here, you’d often meet in the forest. But, once you’d become old enough to do some of the household work trading in the village, you’d had to find a place to meet during the day.
Now, you buzzed with excitement, the news of the festival on the tip of your tongue.
Recently, you’d been itching to do anything to distract yourself from the monotony of life in your village. As the days got warmer, more and more traders passed through, bringing with them goods and stories from far-away lands. Lands you longed to see, but knew you never would. You longed to stretch your wings, if only a little. Sneaking off to Geris would be the perfect opportunity to do that. Now the only issue was convincing Lisbeth.
You wiggled your toes in your shoes as you saw her approach, eager what you’d heard back to her. You just hoped she would be willing to go with you.
While Lisbeth understood your desires to leave, explore, and see the world, they were not desires she shared. She had always, ever since you could remember, wanted to be married. She sighed at tales of princesses and knights, longed to fall in love and have children. And you knew that when she did that, it would be beautiful. Still, a small part of you envied her for her dreams. You wished that that could be enough for you.
As she approached you, Lisbeth rooted through her basket, looking for something buried in its depths.
“Please tell me you have the herbs for my mother’s headaches,” she groaned as she came to stand beside you, leaning on the wooden fence by the pond. “If I have to listen to her moaning for one more day, I will bash my skull against the wall.”
You grinned at her.
“What?” She asked, finally looking at you. She furrowed her eyebrows. “Why do you have that look—”
“I have something to tell you.”
“Oh dear God,” she sighed. “What is it this time?”
“Before I begin, you must promise to at least consider my proposition,” you raised your eyebrows. Lisbeth sighed your name. “Promise.”
“Fine,” she says. “I’ll consider it. Now tell me, I am withering away in suspense.”
“Alright,” you smiled. “We always complain that nothing ever happens here, right?”
“Yes.”
“And we moan about wanting to see more of the rest of the world, of the rest of the country—”
“I would say you complain more than I—”
“Yes, yes, whatever,” you waved her away, causing her to laugh. “Tonight, there is to be a festival in Geris. If we leave after sunset, when our families go to sleep, we can be home before dawn—”
“Geris?” Lisbeth’s eyes widened. “That is madness—”
“It isn’t!” You assured her. “We have walked further distances many times to trade before. The only difference is—”
“It will be night!” Lisbeth shook her head. “After reports of criminals in the woods in the surrounding villages, do you really think it smart to go venturing to Geris after dark?”
You sighed.
“No,” she raised her hand. “Do not try to argue. You have a chaperone now because of the dangers. Even your father can see we are at risk.”
Your heart sank.
“Lisbeth,” you reasoned. “That happened weeks ago. Nothing more has happened–it was likely ruffians passing through. Traders, nothing more.”
“You are mistaken,” she folded her arms. “I heard tell this morning of another attack on a young couple. At a village only a few leagues away.”
“What?”
“It was a farmer’s daughter from Frayley,” she elaborated. “She snuck away in the night to meet with a boy from the village. Her lover was killed, and the girl was ruined. Her honor sullied, barely living.”
Your breath left your chest, a familiar clamminess taking over your hands.
This story was nothing new; when you were younger, before the new Lord of your county had taken power, such attacks were commonplace. The forests around your village had been infested for a time—small bands of ruffians and criminals who would carry maidens away in the night and burn houses to the ground after looting them. There were several girls in your village who had been abducted and held for ransom, and one who had even been forcibly taken to wife. By the time the Lord of the county had gotten word, they had already been married in the eyes of god. There was nothing to be done.
It had been something that had enraged your mother. You were too young to worry about such things, but you have vivid memories of the doors being always bolted shut, your mother sleeping with a dagger beneath her pillow.
The thought of such uncertainty and violence returning to your land made your stomach turn.
“I see,” you said.
“Yes,” Lisbeth sighed. “I wish to explore, but not at the risk of our lives and honor.”
You smiled at her sadly and nodded.
“Two women alone in the wood at night is a recipe for disaster anyway,” she continued. “How I envy men.”
You threw your head back and laughed at that, having had the same thought multiple times.
You wondered often what navigating the world would be like if you weren’t seen as a target simply for your sex. You would ponder what the world would look like if you could walk alone, unaccompanied, how different your life would be if you were able to work, own land, travel alone. If you had the liberties afforded to the likes of William, of Tovar. The very thought of it made your stomach turn with envy.
That’s when it hit you: William. Tovar. And you knew what you had to do.
- -
When you arrived at Olga’s little stone cottage at the edge of the village, your brow was damp with perspiration.
The sun was high, well past mid-day, and you knew you had to meet Tovar soon. You would be late, just like you’d planned. It wouldn’t be the first time you’d kept him waiting and you knew that he’d be in a sour mood for the rest of the day–well, sourer than usual–and that was detrimental to your plan. You needed him agreeable if it was to work.
You sighed as you made your way up the dusty road to her door.
Olga was someone who you held fondness for. She was an old woman, a widow with white hair and a thick accent. Her husband was a merchant who left her a reasonable sum of money when he died, so she lived comfortably and alone, something you’d never seen a woman do before her. She was from a country from the far South, Aragon, and she had forsaken her homeland for her husband. For love. It all sounded so romantic to you that you almost forgot your own personal objections to marriage.
You have memories from your younger years of your mother and her exchanging herbal wisdom over tea. She educated your mother on the herbal remedies of her homeland and in exchange, your mother shared her knowledge of the plants native to your own kingdom.
As you approached her cottage, you heard the faint sound of voices conversing inside made you puzzle. Olga was a generally reclusive woman–it was rare for her to have visitors.
You approached her door and knocked gently, calling inside.
“Olga?” You called, hoping your voice would carry through the open window.
“Ah, yes! Come in, come in,” she called back, voice painted with laughter.
You nudged open the door and took in the small sitting room in her cottage. On the wooden table in the center there was a clay bowl filled with oranges, no doubt traded from a merchant. Your mouth watered. You knew oranges were commonplace in the South, but here they were a luxury few could afford, including yourself.
“In here,” Olga’s voice called, louder now, from the adjoining room which served as a kitchen.
What you saw made you stop in your tracks.
There, standing in Olga’s well-furnished kitchen, leaning against the worn brick of her stove, stood Tovar, arms folded in front of him, across his face a genuine smile. A smile. It was the first time you saw one cross his face. Your breath left your chest.
Of course he’d have a gorgeous smile, you thought spitefully.
You hadn’t realized you were frozen until a warm hand on your shoulder startled you.
Olga looked at you expectantly, the lines on her face graceful in the early afternoon light. You blinked.
“What?”
“I said, have you met Pero, mi amor?” She smiled at you softly. “He is a blacksmith’s apprentice in town. New.”
You stumble over your words for a moment, tongue like lead in your mouth.
“Si, Doña.” Tovar–Pero’s–eyes caught yours from across the room. “We are acquainted.”
“Ha!” Olga laughed, throwing her head back. “Doña he calls me. You flatter me, caballero. I am no Doña.”
You smiled at them, shifting on your feet. You knew nothing save a word or two of the strange language they spoke. Castillian, you thought.
“He speaks to me as if I am a high-born lady, child,” Olga said, sensing your confusion.
“You are mistaken,” Pero smiled slightly at the older woman. “I know una mujer honrada when I see one, Doña.”
Olga leveled him with a wry smile and held up a finger, wagging it at him.
“You watch out for this one,” she looked over to you. “He is a charmer.”
You couldn’t help the snort that escaped your lips. Of all the words you would use to describe your surly bodyguard, a charmer was not one of them. Pero shoots you a withering glare at your laugh.
“What is so humorous?” He tilted his head.
“Forgive me,” you smirked, sensing his wounded pride. “I wouldn’t use the word ‘charmer’ to describe your countenance.”
Olga tilted her head, hands finding her hips.
“How exactly do the two of you know each other?”
“I am a companion of her cousin’s,” Pero’s gaze moved to the woman in between you. “We have traveled together for… too long. Her family is providing us with lodging until we are able to find work and continue on.”
“Well, a small world indeed,” she smiled. “How have you found our village, then? Quite different than Toledo, no?”
Pero chuckled, shaking his head and looking down.
“Quite,” he said. “In truth, it has been a long time since I have journeyed home. But compared to other places my trade has brought me, it is not so different. Though I have found the people of this kingdom more skeptical of outsiders than my own homeland.”
The admission surprised you; you had spent months trying to pry any bit of information out of Tovar you could to no avail. And now, with Olga, he was an open book. It made you wonder: was it just you that he had an aversion to sharing with? You bristled at the thought.
“Yes, it is something to adjust to,” Olga patted Pero on his shoulder. “They are not used to Southerners here. We must stick together.”
Olga turned to you.
“What brings you here, child? Do you bring me more concoctions from your mother?”
Your smile thinned and you clasped your hands in front of you.
“No,” you admitted. “It’s my father. I was sent to see if you have any of your lemon-honey tonic left from the cold months. His breathing has gotten worse.”
Olga’s lips pressed together in a sympathetic smile.
“Of course,” she said. “I keep some reserves in the cellar. I’ll go get them now, and I’ll have another batch brewed specially for him in a fortnight.”
“Oh, please don’t trouble yourself–”
“Hush, it is no trouble at all.” She walked over to you and grabbed your shoulders, her eyes sparkling as she regarded you. “With my Louis gone, there is no one for me to look after. I daresay I have missed it. Besides,” she placed a soft palm on your cheek. “Your family has shown me true kindness in the years I have known you.”
You smiled a tear-filled smile at her.
“Thank you,” you said.
“Think nothing of it,” she patted your cheek. “It seems your family has a habit of adopting strays.”
With a wink, Olga flitted away to the wooden door that led to the cellar, leaving you and Pero standing awkwardly in her kitchen.
“So,” you began before an awkward silence could settle. “What brings you here?”
“A delivery,” he huffed. “A new lock for her door.”
“I didn’t know Colm has you running deliveries now,” you picked at a fingernail. “I thought the whole point of being an apprentice was to learn.”
Pero rolled his eyes at you, annoyance clouding his features. He leveled you with a glare.
“I know my way around a forge better than that man,” he hissed at you.
You smirked. You always knew how to set him off—how to wound his pride just enough that he would lash out.
“I have been an apprentice since I could walk. I have nothing to learn. It is only an easy way to earn coin.”
“Your father was a blacksmith, then?”
Pero’s eyes narrowed at you before he sighed, seemingly tired of your antics.
“Yes,” he said. “He taught me his trade before I took up my sword.”
“Hm,” you said. “I always wished I would’ve learned the trade. But no, it was too unladylike for me. My mother forbade it.”
Pero snorted at that. You bristled again and shot him a venomous look.
“What? You think it silly for a girl to want to learn something other than sewing or weaving?”
“I think it silly that people in your kingdom think that is all a girl is good for,” he countered. “A waste. My father made sure my sisters knew a trade before he died.”
You blinked.
His response surprised you. A sentiment like his was rare, especially in a place like here. But more than that, it was the first time he’d said something remotely kind to you. In your mind, he was a brute, with no compassion or regard for others.
“You have sisters?” You asked, your curiosity piqued. It wasn’t often you could squeeze information out of him; you wanted to see how much you could get before his mood turned sour again.
“So many questions,” he shook his head.
“Forgive me for trying to make conversation,” you replied dryly.
“It does not matter,” he huffed after a moment. “They are gone now.”
You opened your mouth to respond, but Olga’s footsteps nearing the kitchen stopped you.
“Here we go,” she said kindly, handing you a clay jar sealed shut. “This will help. Come back next week for another batch, or come tell me if it gets worse.”
You smiled at her kindness.
“Thank you, Olga.” You said. “Your kindness will not be forgotten.”
“Think nothing of it.”
“Thank you, Doña, for your hospitality. But I’m afraid we must be going if we are to make it back in time for supper.”
“Of course, of course.” Olga waved her hands, ushering you to the front door. “Be safe. I’ve heard tell of bands of criminals in the woods as of late.”
“We will,” you waved as you left her house, basket in one hand and the tonic for your father in the other.
“No preocupes, we will be home before dark,” Tovar said over your shoulder from where he walked in front of you.
He seemed more chipper as he walked down the dirt road, beginning the journey home. You silently thanked the gods for it–you’d need him in a good mood for your plan to work. Even though you knew the deciding factor would come down to William, you still needed Tovar to be there in order for Lisbeth to feel safe enough to journey to Geris. You would be futile in convincing him, you knew; he hated you. But, though he put up a front, you knew that William could convince Pero of anything.
As the two of you walked home, you silently hoped that your plan would work.
- -
“You are out of your mind,” Pero’s eyes were wide as he regarded William, hands on his hips in front of the fire.
It was well past sundown, and your family had gone to bed already. You hid in the loft, peeking down into the large room below where William stood speaking in hushed tones with Pero.
You’d pulled him aside before dinner with your proposal: to sneak off to Geris in the night for the festival and be back before dawn tomorrow.
You knew he was your best chance. You’d begun to recognize the signs of restlessness in him–the twitching of his fingers, the brainstorming with Pero about where they would go after the harvest ended in the autumn. He and you were alike in that way: always longing for adventure. The only difference was that he actually had the freedom to seek what he longed for.
Either way, after some badgering, he’d agreed. You always had that effect on him–he couldn’t ever say no to you, even as a child. Besides, you’d already told Lisbeth to meet you after dark in front of your family’s house, with the promise that the two mercenaries would be there to protect you on the road.
Now, the only one left to convince was Pero.
“Come, brother.” William reasoned. “We have had nothing but work for weeks. Don’t you fancy a drink in a tavern? A change of scenery?”
“There is a tavern here,” Pero ground out, throwing up his hands. “There is no need to traipse through dark woods in the dead of night for an ale. I have spent my day laboring in front of a hot forge and acting as a sworn sword to your child of a cousin. All I wanted was to come home, fill my belly, and sleep. Now you ask this of me.”
You felt a pang of hurt at the belittlement, and a surge of resentment toward the Spaniard. You were not a child; you hadn’t been for quite some time. You’d practically had to be the man of the house in the months before William arrived, with your mother so preoccupied with your father’s help and Petyr drowning in his cups. That was a responsibility you suspected Pero would never have to shoulder.
William’s voice called your attention back to the men by the fire.
Pero had moved, sitting in the wicker chair to the left of the kitchen, sharpening his sword with a whetstone. His eyes looked deadly trained on the blade. William stood with his arms crossed next to him.
“She is a woman grown and you know that,” William said, sighing. “I do not know why you dislike her so. She is a fine young lady.”
“You watch her then.”
“Really, Pero. Why do you let her affect you in such a way? You can face the enemy’s sword without so much as a flinch, but put you in the presence of a maiden and you tremble like a leaf.”
“I do not tremble,” you heard Pero seethe. “She is insolent and foolish, and cannot follow a schedule. I am always late because of her.”
William laughed at that.
“You are bothered too easily, friend.”
Pero grumbled in response, eyes still focused on sharpening his longsword. You heard a rustle from outside the opened window and realized with a start—it must be Lisbeth.
You hurried over to the window and peeked out, catching a glimpse of Lisbeth’s auburn hair in the light of the fire that showed through the downstairs window. She was hidden by a long dark cloak, no doubt belonging to one of her brothers.
A surge of pride shot through you at the sight of her. You knew she was risking a lot–much more than you–by sneaking off into the night like this. She was of a higher station than you, and would soon be wed to some far flung lord, or even a duke. She risked her reputation being tarnished. And yet, here she was, brave as ever.
“If you do not agree, you will force my hand,” you heard William’s voice. You hurried back to the loft to spy yet again, knowing that soon you’d have to go fetch your friend who watched from the downstairs window.
You saw that now, William stood in front of the fire, blocking the line of light Pero needed to sharpen his sword.
“Move, amigo. I’m not in the mood.”
“And I lament that, but you are coming with us.”
“Us?”
“Yes—”
“I should have known she was behind this. No. If my mind wasn’t made up before, it is now. I will not go with her—”
Your laugh interrupted him, and gave away your hiding place. Pero’s eyes, full of ire, snapped to you. You stood up and raced down the stairs, conscious to not make too much noise, lest you be discovered by your family.
“Oh, please Tovar,” you said, approaching where he sat. “It will be fun.”
He looked at you with a dry expression.
“No.”
“But—”
“No.” He gritted his teeth, standing up to come and stand toe-to-toe with you. You flushed at how close he was—you could see every wrinkle, every freckle, every dimension of his scar. It made your throat dry.
“Why?” You asked, voice packed with as much irritation as his.
“I am driving myself mad escorting you to and from town every day, Señora.” He spat the word, making you blink. “I will not spend another moment more than necessary in your presence. Not unless forced.”
“I’ll call in my favor, then.” William drawled amusedly from in front of you.
You started, having forgotten that he was there. You took a step back from his counterpart.
“Pardon?” Pero turned to William.
“My favor,” William smirked and tilted his head. “You owe me.”
“I owe you nothing—”
“Remember Vienna, Pero?” William’s eyebrows rose. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already–”
“I’ve forgotten nothing.” Pero’s glare would scare even the fiercest of knights, but William didn’t even look phased by it.
“Then it’s settled,” William clapped his hands together. “We will leave immediately. We’re losing moonlight already.”
“Lisbeth’s in the garden,” you piped up, already pulling your satchel over your shoulder.
Pero looked like a deer caught in the headlights. William moved to follow you, picking up his sword from where it was leaned against the brick of the fireplace.
“Lisbeth’s in the garden,” he repeated after you, smiling at his companion, who glared into the side of his head. You giggled.
“Make haste, Pero,” you called over your shoulder. “Or we’ll miss the festivities.”
Wordlessly, he sheathed his sword and stood, glaring at you. The glare didn’t scare you though. You knew it was one of annoyance—one you often drew from Pero.
He grumbled to himself before shouldering his sword and following you out the door.
- -
William had convinced Pero that the horses could handle two riders, with the distance being so small between your village and Geris. Besides, the two mares had gotten little to no excitement since the two mercenaries made their way into your small village. William reasoned it would do them well to stretch their legs.
So, you were two to a horse each. And since Pero intimidated Lisbeth, you were stuck with him while Lisbeth rode comfortably with your cousin. The two made small-talk as you trotted through the kingsroad by moonlight. You gazed over at their shadowy figures as they talked, Lisbeth sidled up to William comfortably in the saddle behind him. You smirked. She had always thought he was handsome, ever since you were children. She was quite at her leisure. In contrast to you, who was trying to sit as far away from the grumpy man steering the horse in front of you.
You jostled as the horse trotted over a bump in the road, yelping and grabbing roughly onto Pero’s waist.
“Alright there?” William called from a few steps away. You nodded a yes.
“Hold on,” Pero grumbled. “You’ll break your neck, and your mother will have mine.”
You had no quick-witted response to that. If there was anything in this world that could cause an experienced mercenary to tremble in fear, it was your mother. So, you simply tightened your grip around his waist, locking your hands together. He stiffened as you did.
You hated how comfortable his broad back felt pressed into your front, how his scent overtook you. He smelled of fire, the forge, sandalwood, and leather. It was a far-cry from the rank stench that followed him and William when they arrived.
Lisbeth laughed from her place on the road beside you while William regaled her of stories from his travels. You frowned at the grumpy man in front of you, silent save for the way he mumbled under his breath to the horse in his mother tongue.
“Does your horse have a name?” You asked.
“Hmm?” He grunted, turning his head a bit to face you.
“The mare. What is her name?”
“Horse,” he replied shortly.
“Horse?” You asked incredulously. “Her name is horse?”
“She has never needed a name,” he said.
“All animals need names,” you sighed. “All of mine do.”
“Hm,” he hummed, not unkindly. “I suppose I wouldn’t know what to name her even if I desired to.”
You paused and thought for a moment. This was perhaps the most civil conversation you had ever had, and it was about a horse. Still, you were loath to see it end.
“She is quite fond of the clovers that grow by the barn. I often see her grazing there. What about clover?”
“Clover,” he repeats, turning the words over in his mouth. He hums. “It is better than Horse, I suppose.”
After that, the rest of the ride is filled with comfortable silence save for the sound of the hum of conversation from the couple on horseback beside you. Despite yourself, you smile. Perhaps you and the Spaniard could find middle ground after all.
-
The festival was like something from a fairy story. And as you stood there, even Lisbeth, who had grown up surrounded by nobles and visits to court was in wonder at the gaiety of it all.
As soon as your group had approached the city gates, you could hear the music—upbeat and lilting, with clapping and voices singing accompanying it. Your heart had leapt at the sound.
Dancing. There was little in life you enjoyed more than letting the music take you and spinning away.
As you took in the city, you didn’t know where to look. There was light everywhere: torches and lamps making the streets seem like they were glowing. You could hear strange languages on the tongues of passersby as you walked, making sure to keep close to your group. The smell of the sea breeze lingered in the air, telling you you were close to the sea. You smiled at it. You’d never seen the ocean, and though you knew you wouldn’t tonight, the smell of it awakened something in you. Above the thatched roofs above your head, you could make out the shadowy figures of the tops of sails—boats, resting in the harbor.
You and Lisbeth followed William and Pero to a stable near the heart of the city, where William payed to have the two mares quartered for the few hours that you planned to be there.
When you reached what must’ve been the town square, Lisbeth gripped your arm tightly, face beaming as she took in the grandeur of it all.
There were countless stalls set up around the perimeter of the cobbled town-center, tents and poorly-built shacks selling all manner of trinkets and gifts. There were food-stalls, jewelry, flowers, tapestries—too much for you to fully take in. In front of one of the taverns that bordered the town center, there was a group of people, sitting in rickety wooden chairs and stools, playing music. There was an old man with a mandolin, hair graying and beard long, a young woman with a lute, a lumbering man sitting behind them playing a violin with startling precision.
In the center of the square, countless couples danced in tune with each other. It was a popular dance in your part of the world—an upbeat ballad about a hare and a tortoise, one you’d been dancing at harvest and midsummer festivals since you were a child.
You smiled so wide your cheeks hurt.
“Look!” Lisbeth cried, turning to you, grip still on your arm. “Do you remember when were ten and you had to dance with—”
“Eldon!” You winced, remembering the handsy youth only a few years older than you that you’d been forced to dance with by your mother. There had been a time that she was hopeful for a match between the two of you, but he’d ended up marrying a girl in a neighboring village and moving there to take over her father’s house. You were glad of it; he’d been an unpleasant boy.
“The candle-maker’s son?” William smirked from the other side of Lisbeth.
“The very same,” you groaned.
“Oh, he was the most odious boy,” Lisbeth added.
“Really?” William asked. “I remember him being quite shy, if a bit ill-,mannered.”
“Ill-mannered doesn’t even begin to describe him,” you countered, remembering his wandering hands and leering gaze. “I don’t know if I can remember someone else whose face was so vile.”
“Are we remembering the same boy?” William asked. Beside him, Pero’s eyes scanned the crowd, looking bored with the conversation. “I remember him differently.”
“Because he wanted to be you, cousin,” you smiled at him. “He was positively disgusting.”
“He had a scar that cut across his forehead,” Lisbeth added. “From a riding accident.”
At that, Pero stiffened and his jaw clenched, his eyes finding you as William and Lisbeth continued talking.
“Yes, that’s the boy,” William nodded. “Was he truly so bad?”
You opened your mouth to respond before being interrupted.
“Ah yes,” Pero snapped, surprising you. The sharpness of this tone was something you were unused to. His lip curled as he addressed you. “Because a scar is truly what makes a man’s character. How unfortunate for you that you had to look upon the face of someone so…what did you say, Senora? Disgusting.”
He spit the word at you like it was poison. You gawked at his tone, at the malice in his voice, before feeling your own ire bubble in your gut. William and Lisbeth stood perplexed between you.
“He was disgusting,” you countered, taking a step toward Pero. “Because of his untoward behavior and hands that had a habit of wandering up ladies’ skirts. The scar had nothing to do with it. Though how good it is to finally know your opinion of me, Tovar.”
He just opened his mouth, gaping like a fish, before you grabbed Lisbeth’s hand and began to walk toward the crowd.
A new, more slow, group number had begun to play, and you and Lisbeth fell in line with the masses enjoying the festival. From behind you, you could faintly hear the sound of William scolding his companion.
“I see what you mean,” Lisbeth said to you after a moment.
You looked at her in confusion, before turning into the next step of the dance.
“He is unpleasant,” she elaborated. “And rude. No matter how handsome he is. I am sorry for ever thinking otherwise.”
You sighed and linked your arm with hers, as the dance called for.
“It’s alright,” you smiled. “You couldn’t have known.”
She returned your smile and squeezed your arm.
“I wonder why he is so…”
“So…uncaring? Aloof? Unkind?”
“...melancholy.” She finished, and you started.
Of all the words you would use to describe Pero Tovar, melancholy was not one of them.
“What?” She asked, noticing your confused look. “You cannot deny he has a sad air about him. Besides, to think someone so cruel as to call a young boy disgusting because of his scar? To think that you could be that cruel? He must have a sad outlook on life indeed.”
You hummed, reflecting on her words.
Lisbeth was right—as she so often was. It hadn’t been a point of view you considered before. Perhaps the reason why Pero’s countenance was so impatient and dreary was because of something else, something out of your control. As soldiers, he and William had seen the worst of mankind. You remembered what he’d said to you earlier that day, about his sisters. It doesn’t matter, they’re all gone. Perhaps there was a reason he didn’t wish to discuss his travels.
You rid all thoughts of the Spaniard from your mind as you finished the dance; you didn’t want your one night of freedom ruined.
As you and Lisbeth exited the center of the town square, you spotted Pero, sulking and leaning up against a wooden beam that supported the awning to a tavern. You suppressed a smirk at the glowering look on his face. William must have scolded him for speaking to you how he did.
Good, you thought.
“Pero,” Lisbeth called cheerily once you got close enough. “Where has William got to?”
Pero’s eyes flickered to you for a moment, clouded with something you didn’t understand. He opened his mouth to say something, deep, dark eyes still trained on you, when William’s booming voice interrupted you.
“Cousin!” He called jovially, four frothing metal cups in his hands. They were overflowing with an amber-colored liquid.
“That had better not be beer,” you wrinkled your nose, always having hated the grainy-tasting drink.
“Mead, cousin. Come! Let us make merry while we can,” William looked as if he’d had a drink himself already. “I would beg of you both one dance before the night is through. I cannot bring the most beautiful women in the land to a festival and not demand a dance.”
You rolled your eyes fondly at your cousin’s silver tongue. Beside you, Lisbeth blushed behind her cup. You took your own drink, the metal cool beneath your fingers, and relished in the sweet, honey-flavor of the fermented drink. Mead was a delicacy to you. Your family was rarely rich enough to afford more than ale, and you had long been wary of it, not wanting to fall prey to the cup like your brother. Tonight, though, you drank eagerly. Behind his own cup, Pero’s eyes remained trained on you, full of an emotion you couldn't place.
- -
After her dance with William, Lisbeth pulled you aside.
Her pale cheeks were rosy with exertion and with drink, her breath sweet and smelling of mead. You smiled at her, glad to see your often high-strung best friend relaxed for once.
She stepped on an uneven stone and lost her footing, stumbling into you with a giggle.
“Oh!” She exclaimed through a laugh, leaning into you. “If my mother could only see me now. She would be aghast.”
You giggled with her, pushing a stray auburn hair away from her eyes.
“Her high-born lady, absolutely ruined,” you teased.
“And dancing with a mercenary, can you imagine?”
“What ever shall we do with you?”
Lisbeth just laughed. It was a deep laugh, coming from her belly. One you didn’t hear often. Once she caught her breath, Lisbeth sighed, resting her head on your shoulder. The two of you watched as the people danced in the square, content.
“Thank you,” she mumbled after a moment. “I have had a wonderful time. I am glad to have had at least one night like this before—”
Lisbeth stopped herself, clamping her lips shut. You paused.
“Before what?” You asked.
Lisbeth pulled away from you, wringing her hands together in front of her, gaze trained on the cobblestones below your feet.
“Before what, Lisbeth?” You asked again.
When she looked up at you, her eyes were teary. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth before she spoke.
“I am to be wed,” she said, voice warbling. “Before midsummer. My father just told me this morning.”
“What?” you asked, all breath leaving your chest.
“I wanted to tell you right away,” she said, a tear streaming down her face now. “But when I tried, I just couldn’t. Then, I wanted to enjoy tonight. I thought if I’m to move away and become a wife, I’ll at least have tonight.”
You blinked, processing what exactly this meant.
Of course, she’s to be married, you thought. It was strange enough that she wasn’t betrothed at the age of ten and nine. Her father had finally made his decision. She was a lady of high station, the daughter of a Lord—this was her duty. One she was excited for, even. She had always wanted to be the mistress of her own house. You should be happy for her.
So why did you feel so sad?
“Who,” you croaked, before clearing your throat. “Who is he?”
Lisbeth smiled weakly.
“A Lord,” she said, laughing a little. “He lives a two-days ride to the North. My father says he is kind.”
“Have you met him?” You asked.
“Once,” she smiled. “But I was little more than a girl, and I barely remember.”
“Will you have time to…be acquainted before…”
Before the wedding. The words hang in the air between you.
“Yes,” she nodded. “He will come visit in a fortnight.”
You nodded dumbly, realizing the reality that faced you: your best friend would be leaving you to begin her life, and you would be left behind. The thought brought tears to your eyes.
“And he’s not…old, is he?”
It had long been one of Lisbeth’s fears that her father would wed her to a man too many years her senior—an old, country lord who she could never grow to love. If she was to be sold off like a broodmare to a man old enough to be her grandsire, you didn’t think you could stand it.
“No,” she smiled shakily. “He is young—only nine years my senior.”
You breathed a sigh of relief at that. Little mercies. You took a deep breath and squared your shoulders, willing the moisture to leave your eyes. You would not cry in front of her.
“And, are you happy with the arrangement?”
Lisbeth considered it a moment.
“I am… relieved he is not old. It is too soon to tell without actually meeting him, but I trust my father’s judgment. I am his only daughter. I do not believe he would part with me for someone unworthy.”
You smiled at your best friend–your ever constant, loyal companion. Her auburn hair shone around her head in the yellow light of the evening. Her eyes shone with hope. She was ready for this, you knew it. You ignored the pang of melancholy in your stomach and squeezed her arms. For now, you would be happy for her. You would save your tears for later.
“No, I daresay he wouldn’t.”
You pulled her into a hug. She sighed against you.
“You shall be at my wedding,” she declared once she pulled back. “I will refuse to be wed without you.”
You laughed at her.
“Me, surrounded by lords and ladies,” you snorted at the idea.
“Hush,” she smacked your arm. “We are not so different from you lot. Besides, I much prefer your company to theirs any day.”
You smiled at her, linking your arm with hers as you ventured into the square to find your companions.
“Come, let us enjoy the rest of the night,” you said.
“Let us,” she replied jovially.
As the two of you continued on, you ignored the pit in your stomach at the idea of Lisbeth’s impending nuptials.
- -
Your group departed with hours left until sunrise—plenty of time to return to your beds without your families noticing.
The hopeless feeling that struck you at the revelation of Lisbeth’s engagement stuck with you, though, even after you bridled your horses and began your trek home.
Beside you, William hummed a tune while Lisbeth dozed off behind him. Your arms were loosely wrapped around Pero’s waist as he rode silently. The two of you still hadn’t exchanged a word since the tense encounter in Geris’s town square. Still, you hadn’t been on the receiving end of any of his glares for the rest of the evening.
You pondered what your life would look like after Lisbeth left. You couldn’t help it. For as long as you could remember, it was you and her. Your mother has acted as midwife in Lisbeth’s birth, and ever since, her mother had been a loyal patron of your mother’s herbal remedies. You and her had been friends since infancy. And now, she was leaving. Entering and finding her place in the wide, expansive world. And you were going to be stuck where you’d always been: caring after your ailing father and serving as a punching bag for your drunken brother.
The thought of Lisbeth’s absence from your life made your eyes fill with tears, and before you knew it, they were streaming down your cheeks.
You turned your head away from William, knowing if he saw you cry, he’d make a fuss. You took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm yourself, but failed. Before you knew it, you were shaking with tears against Pero’s back.
You knew he could feel your sobs, but couldn’t find it in you to care. He was going to judge you no matter what you did—he’d made that much clear tonight. You might as well let yourself weep.
After a moment, though, he surprised you. You heard Pero breathe your name, so quietly you scarcely heard it.
You sniffled, trying to cover the sounds of your tears. You mumbled an apology, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. But instead of pestering or making fun of you, Pero only hummed in acknowledgement, before wrapping a rough palm around your own and squeezing.
His hand remained wrapped in yours the rest of the way home, a silent show of support. It baffled you, but you didn’t have time to even begin to question it. Instead, you just let yourself cry, leaning against the Spaniard for support. The rest could wait til the morning.
#pedro pascal#pero tovar#pero tovar x f!reader#pero tovar x female reader#pero tovar x you#pero tovar fanfiction#pero tovar imagine#pero tovar x reader#pero x reader#pero tovar fic#the great wall fanfic#the great wall fanfiction#pero tovar x y/n
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Holy Mary
pairings: jeno x reader
genre: romance, summer romance, churchboy!jeno (kind of), pining, fluff, angst
tw: sexual content, mentions of depression, religious trauma
word count: 13.5k
synopsis: you spend every summer at your grandparents lake side home in France. Most of the time you spend in the lake, painting or reading. The village is slow and life feels very relaxed. When a new priest turns up at the local church, your grandmother manages to convince you to attend a service which ends in you becoming infatuated with one of the priests sons, Lee Jeno. Jeno is a reserved man, he likes calm and quiet. His past trauma has effected his ability to maintain friendships and relationships. But when he meets you, he feels at home.
authors notes: this was inspired by Mary on a cross by Ghost! i also like to project my daddy issues and religious trauma onto people so enjoy! also! the south of france *chefs kiss* beautiful place, i want to go back so badly! and i recently learnt that catholic priests can remain married if they’re married before becoming ordained so that’s cool ig, it kinda inspired this story a little bit. ALSO! i would just like to clarify that this is just a story and i don’t share any of the opinions of the characters in the story. nor do i think jeno has any of these opinions. ITS JUST A STORY <3 also i can’t write smut to save my life but here u go
THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION.
Most of your summers were spent by the lakes, at your grandparents lake house in France. The effervescent water sparkled under the sun, little ripples forming when the wind gently blew. The lakes had always fascinated you. You weren’t sure if it was the calmness being near water brought you or the memories of splashing around in them when you were a child, but you always felt very close to them.
You spent most of your summers painting too, mostly by the lake. Your grandmother tried to encourage you to sell your paintings, claiming that they ‘conveyed so much passion and emotion.’ You didn’t agree, you just wanted to paint. Today was no different, you sat by the lake and sketched out the lay of the land, preparing for your next painting. You watched your brothers splash around in the water with some other boys from the village. You could see the pure joy in their faces and made a mental note to try and capture that in your painting.
It wasn’t long before the midday sun became unbearable. You could feel it scorching your skin despite the thick layers of SPF your grandmother had lathered you and your siblings in. You decided it was probably best for you to go in for a while and get out of the sun. Your brothers were probably hungry too, with it being midday. You shouted over to them, both their heads turning as you beckoned them over and told them it was time to go in for some lunch. You began to collect all your belongings and head up to the house.
“There’s a new priest starting at the church this Sunday. I’d like it if you came this week, it would make a good first impression.” Your grandmother spoke up as you helped her set the table. You glanced over at the lake as you placed another fork down. “Really?” You mumbled, not really listening. “Yes, it would be good for you to get back in touch with your religion. Your mother tells me you don’t attend church back at home either.” Your grandparents were very religious, and they expected the same from their grandchildren. The reference to home made you feel sad for a moment. Although you loved coming to the lakes to see your grandparents, you missed your home. Your grandparents had moved to the south of France from Denmark when you were very young. You missed them dearly but they wanted a change and to have a much more relaxed and laid back life. Southern France did make for good vacations however.
“Oliver and Kaspar have been attending. They’ve been enjoying it, there’s lots of other young people there too. It’s be a good chance to make some friends for the summer.” Your grandfather had made an appearance at the table, your brothers following behind him. “I’ll think about it.” You said as you headed back inside to get the rest of the food. You could imagine your grandparents both shaking their heads. Religion had always been a touchy subject for you. You’d grown up being taught Catholicism and attended church every week with your parents back in Denmark. When you reached your teenage years, things began to change. You had many questions about religion and why things were so rigid. It made you uncomfortable. You stopped attending a short while after your thirteenth birthday.
There were some things that never changed however. You still wore your crucifix around your neck, it was a gift from your father at your first Holy communion. You found you could never take it off even if you wanted to. It felt as if it was welded into your skin and you felt bare without it. It was probably because it was from your father that you didn’t want to take it off. Your father had suffered with debilitating depression since you were ten after the loss of his brother. It had become hard for your mother to take care of you and your brothers. It was then that the yearly tradition of vacationing in France began. You and your brothers were shipped off to your grandparents every summer for 3 months so your mother could have a break from it all. You never really minded, you enjoyed being by the lakes.
Your grandparents house looked over the largest lake in the village. It was surrounded with beautiful native pine trees and small villas that blended in with the scenery seamlessly. After your meal you helped your siblings clear up and wash the dishes, still watching over the lake as you did so. You wanted to go back out there and continue your painting but the blazing sun said otherwise. You decided to take a nap instead and enjoy your break.
You found yourself attending church that Sunday. Your grandparents had finally worn you down, insisting that it would make you feel better and you’d make some friends. That it would even help you with your art work. You were exhausted of their constant nagging so in the end you just gave in. You were curious too, as to who this new priest was and why he was so special. Your grandmother had been talking about him non stop all week. How he’d come over from South Korea and he could apparently speak seven languages, including French of course.
When you arrived at the church that morning the sun had already began to beat down on you. You could feel the sweat dripping from your hair and down your neck. It didn’t help that you were already desperately uncomfortable walking into a place that made you feel like an outsider. Like you were a freak for thinking differently to everyone else inside, even though their rules were so rigid and based on a book written so long ago. However you were now sat on a pew, sandwiched between your older brother Kaspar and your grandmother. You couldn’t see much from where you were sitting, other than a large statue of the Virgin Mary that almost touched the ceiling at the front of the church. You couldn’t help think she looked sad. You wondered how long she’d stood there at the bow of the church. How many services she’d sat through and what she thought of them. Your attention was snatched from her when your grandmother touched your leg and indicated that the new priest had started his service.
The priest was tall, handsome and well spoken. He spoke mostly in French which you struggled to understand but sometimes switched to English. The service felt as if it went on forever. You were so hot and sweaty as the end neared, you couldn’t wait to get out and breath some fresh air. Many people got up to go and meet the new priest at the end of the service, your grandparents were included in that group. They waited in line for their turn to meet this, person. That’s all he was. You wondered why they were so excited. Your grandparents dragged you up too, along with your brothers and as you neared the front you noticed two equally as tall and handsome men stood next to him. They were younger, and you thought they may be his sons. You could feel yourself getting hotter and hotter as you moved closer. The one you deemed to be the youngest had the coldest and most attractive face you’d ever seen. Your face flushed red as you got closer.
“Thank you so much for coming.” The priest spoke as you got to the front. He shook your grandparents and brothers hands before getting to you. You were still so dazed by his son that you didn’t realise the priests hand stretched out to shake yours. Your grandmother nudged you and you quickly shook his hand. “These are my sons, Donghae,” he pointed to the oldest one, “and Jeno.” You could feel your throat close up as Jeno looked you up and down. A small smirk adorning his lips. Your grandfather finished the conversation and you were on your way again. Jeno’s face had become engrained in your mind. He was all you could think about on the drive back to the house and all you could think about when you went to bed that night.
When the following Sunday rolled around, you were the first one out of bed and ready to go. Your grandmother was surprised but extremely happy, thinking that you’d reconnected with your faith. But in reality you just wanted to see Jeno again. To look at his breathtaking face. You sat closer to the front on this day, making sure you could get a glimpse of the intimidating get enticing boy. You could feel yourself turning red when he turned around. You could feel his cold eyes burning deep into your soul. Maybe this was religion, you thought. Maybe he was God.
When the service ended, Jeno was the first one standing up, ready to leave. You quickly stood up too, racing out the pews to try and talk to him. Maybe to ask if he needs any help adjusting to the village. You did only live ten minutes from the church and you were always around if he needed anything. Your heart was crushed however when several other young girls surrounded him, trying to get his attention. Disheartened, you followed your family out of the church. Kaspar, your older brother had immediately realised what you wanted to do when you stood up. He knew last week from the way you looked at Jeno that you were interested in him. On your way out of the church he nudged you, “You like him, hey?” He teased, “What? No, he’s probably really conservative. He’s a priests son.” You nudged him back. You had experience with boys back home, you’d even briefly had a boyfriend. You never shied away from male attention, in fact, you welcomed it. You did well with the boys back in your home town and got bored here in France where there was barely any boys your age, and if there were, none of them interested you. This is probably why Jeno excited you so much. He was the first attractive boy you’d seen here in France.
“Really? Your face turned into a tomato as soon as he looked at you, tomat ansigt.” You shuddered at the nickname. Your mother had given it to you as a child when your face would turn as red as a tomato whenever you were embarrassed. “Don’t call me that mærkelig dreng.” You hit his shoulder earning a harsh glance from your grandmother as you got back into the car.
“I need some things from the market. Could you take Oliver down there and get everything on this list please?” Your grandmother asked you as she wondered into the living room where you sat on the old worn out leather couch, reading your book. She handed you the list as you reached your arm out. “Why do we need all this stuff?” You we’re inquisitive as to why there were so many items on the list, and good stuff too, like cake and ice cream. “Father Lee, the priest is coming tonight for dinner. Monsieur Clement and his wife and daughters and coming too. Make sure you get everything on the list please.” She widened her eyes as she emphasised. You called for Oliver and headed out to the market.
“I hate Monsieur Clement, he just talks about himself all the time.” Oliver whined as you headed into the grocery shop to finish your shopping. “I know Oli. Mormor said that his daughters are coming too. Maybe they’ll be your age.” He shrugged at your comment and picked up the next thing on your list. You doubted that though, Monsieur Clement was a retired business man in his early sixties. He had a substantial amount of money from what you could tell and he’d been living next to your grandparents for the past three years. You’d never met his daughters but part of you doubted that they’d be Oliver’s age. Probably more like yourself and Kaspar’s age, in their early twenties.
Your parents had had yourself and Kaspar when they were young and Oliver was a surprise slightly later in life. You and Kaspar had been so excited to have a little brother and you both absolutely adore him and constantly dote over him. Especially now with your dad practically out of the picture and your mother focused on caring for him and working too, you and Kaspar tried your hardest to make Oliver’s childhood a good one. Oliver was now eleven, you twenty and Kaspar twenty three but things hadn’t changed much from when you were young. You were a very close knit trio.
Your mind wondered back to the list and to the dinner, you were too focused on the fact that Monsieur Clement was attending to remember the fact that Father Lee, Jeno’s father may was attending too. You wondered if Jeno and his brother would be coming. You hoped they were. Maybe you’d finally get to talk to him. You and Oliver had finished up your shopping and began your walk home. It was sweltering outside. You’d gotten used to the cold air in the grocery shop and stepping outside felt like stepping into a furnace. Your eyes stopped on 2 figures outside the local Café. You recognised them to be Jeno and his brother. You watched them for a second. Jeno had a cigarette in one hand and his coffee in the other. Maybe he’s not so conservative if he smokes, you thought. Or maybe not, you don’t know him. You’re snapped out of your thoughts when Oliver shouts your name. He’s already half way down the street, waiting for you. Jeno and Donghae look up to see what the shouting is about and notice you. It’s quite obvious that you were looking at them from your position and stance. You flush red when you see that Jeno is staring at you, his face still cold and stern. You spin on your feet in embarrassment and quickly follow Oliver back home.
“Are Father Lee’s sons coming tonight?” Kaspar asks your grandmother whilst helping her with the cooking. You’re sitting on a chair in the kitchen, peeling some vegetables. You look up to see Kaspar smirking at you. “You hope so, don’t you.” He carries on, pointing at you. You roll your eyes when your grandmother looks at you and shakes her head. Your grandmother doesn’t answer but you realise they probably are when there are quite a few places set at the table.
When your guests finally arrive you notice the absence of the one person you really wanted to see. Kaspar notices your dissatisfaction and pats you on the back. “Don’t worry, Father Lee said he’d be here soon. He’s just finishing up something at home.” You breathed a sigh of relief but were annoyed at your brother for noticing and reading your facial expressions so easily. Monsieur Clement’s daughters were like goddesses. They were a similar age to Kaspar and yourself much to Oliver’s dismay. Kaspar wasn’t wasting time introducing himself however. You rolled your eyes at him and poked him in the side every time he faked a laugh at something one of the daughters said or when he over exaggerated something that happened to him as a child for effect.
You were still waiting for Jeno when you’d finished eating. Your grandmother was about to bring out dessert and you were helping her tidy the table. Whilst in the kitchen you heard a commotion outside and realised Jeno had turned up. His father seemed very pleased to see him, maybe thinking he wouldn’t turn up at all. You rushed into the bathroom and tidied up your appearance, brushing your hair off of your face and smoothing out your dress before stepping outside to greet Jeno. Monsieur Clement’s daughters had wasted no time in introducing themselves, clearly flirting with him. Jeno was very gracious in the way he spoke to them, soaking up their stupid comments. You took a seat next to Kaspar when your grandmother bought the dessert out. You stayed pretty quiet whilst the others chatted amongst themselves. “Jeno I realised I never introduced my grandchildren to you. This is Kaspar, my eldest grandson. My only and very beautiful granddaughter, and my youngest grandson.” Your grandmother pointed you all out as she spoke. Jeno looked at you up and down like he did in the church. It made your heart flutter. “What do you all do?” Father Lee asked. “I’ve just finished up university back in Denmark, I studied architecture.” Kaspar spoke, Father Lee nodded his head impressed. “What about you two?” You stayed silent for a second hoping Oliver would speak, Jeno didn’t take his eyes off you for a second making you feel desperately awkward. But Oliver didn’t speak, probably not knowing what to say in front of all these people. “I’m studying fine art at university. In my second year.” You managed to squeeze out. “Wow, are you enjoying it? I’d love to see some of your work.” Father Lee sounded surprised. “I’ve been painting lots over the summer, I have a few paintings inside.” You managed to string a proper sentence together as if you weren’t melting under the stare of the priests youngest son. “She’s really very good Father. I too have an interest in paintings,” Monsieur Clement started as if he has any idea about your painting ability but you realised it was just an opportunity for him to speak about himself. You were glad though.
The sun began to set and everyone was getting ready to leave. You watched as Jeno helped clear the table and your grandmother insisted he sit down and she was absolutely fine. You leaned over the railings of the balcony that looked over the lake. You didn’t realise Jeno approaching you. “It’s really very beautiful here. I didn’t realise it would be when my father told me about it.” You felt your soul leave your body. He was talking to you. You needed to say something. “It is. I love it here.” You just about managed to say. “I’d love to see some of your paintings if you’d let me. I’d assume this is a great place to get inspiration.” You tucked your hair behind your ear. He actually wanted to see your paintings. God, help. “There’s a couple upstairs, I’ll bring them down if you want. They’re not very good, they were only quick ones.” You nervously spoke. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
He followed you into the house, waiting in the living room, not wanting to follow you into your room. “They’re just of the lakes.” You bought down two. Those two were your grandmothers favourites. “These are really amazing. You’re so talented. I could only dream of being able to paint like this. Have you ever considered selling your work?” He sounded to passionate as he spoke, he was genuinely impressed with your skills. “My grandma keeps telling me too but I’m not sure.” You sit next to him as he holds one of the paintings, still looking at it in depth. “You should. You’re really good.” He places it down on the coffee table as his father peeks his head around the door. “Time to go Jen.” Jeno stands up and follows his father, not before stopping and turning around to look at you again. “It was really nice meeting you. I’ll see you around?” He asks, “Yeah of course. It’s a small village.” You giggle awkwardly. He gives you a small wave before disappearing with his dad.
It was a while before you saw Jeno again. He hadn’t attended his fathers services for the past couple of weeks and you couldn’t help but wonder where he’d gone. You’d even bumped into Donghae whilst at the Saturday market in the village. “Is Jeno okay? I haven’t seen him around much.” You couldn’t help but ask. His brother gave a small smile before replying, “He’s okay. Just doesn’t cope well in the heat. I’ll tell him you asked after him.” You felt like it wasn’t true but didn’t probe this man you didn’t really know for any more answers.
It was another scorching afternoon by the lake when you saw Jeno again. He was swimming in the lake with his brother, talking to your brothers as they swam too. When he noticed you he put up a hand and waved, you smiled back and waved too. After a while, Jeno came out of the lake and headed towards you, grabbing a towel from where he and his brother had left their belongings. “It’s beautiful.” He said when he reached you, gesturing to your painting. “Thanks, I’m nowhere near finished though.” You continued on and he took a seat on a rock next to you. You tried your best to concentrate on your work but the way the water droplets slid down his muscular shoulders had you extremely distracted. “What do you like about it here?” He suddenly asked, surprising you. “What isn’t there to like? It’s beautiful and quiet.” You found yourself looking directly at him now, watching the way his muscles flexed as he turned around to face you. “You don’t find it boring at all?” He squints his eyes in the sun. You shrug, “Not really. It’s quite different to home so it’s nice to escape.” You thought back to your home in Copenhagen. The busyness sort of made you cringe. You loved home but it was nice to get away from the bustling streets, especially in summer.
“What’s home like? I’ve never been to Denmark.” You wondered why he was talking to you, not that you weren’t grateful, this God like being was actually paying you attention so there wasn’t much to complain about. “I love Copenhagen. But it sometimes feels depressing,” You thought about your dad, “It’s really very beautiful though. You should visit sometime.” He nodded. “What about you? I’ve never been to South Korea either.” His eyes lit up when you mentioned his home country. “I desperately miss it. I like busy. I like loud and bright. For me, it feels like an escape. I can be myself there. Being stuck with my dad and brother and not knowing anyone, or the language. It’s hard.” He looked down, playing with a stone at his feet. “I get that. My french isn’t great.” He smiled up at you after you said that and then you both fell silent for a while. He watched as his brother and your brothers played in the water. Something about the water made everyone turn into a child again. That was one of the things you loved about it. You took this opportunity to get a better look at his body. He must work out, you thought. His body looked as if it was calved by angels. So sharp, yet soft. His beautiful tan skin still bestrewn with little water droplets glistening in the sun.
“Are you going in today?” He asked, gesturing to the lake. “I might do later. I want to get this painting finished soon.” You went back to your painting, pretending that that was what you were doing the whole time. “Come in now. It’ll be fun.” He stood up and began walking back into the lake, before turning round again. You assumed he was waiting for you. Not much could get you to stop getting in the lake on a normal day. Especially if there was a very beautiful man trying to get you to go in. When you got up you noticed the way Jeno checked you out. His eyes shuffling up and down your body, his tongue poking out the side of his lips. You followed him into the lake and you both swam towards your brothers.
“Hun er med!” Kaspar cheered. “Jeg er kold, jeg vil snart ud.” Oliver whined as he swam over to you, holding onto your shoulders. “Why are you speaking Danish?” It was unusual for your you and your siblings to speak in Danish when you where in France. You weren’t sure why, it had just always been that way. “Donghae wants to learn some Danish so we’re only speaking in Danish now.” Oliver swam past you, “og hvordan kan du være kold? Det er så varmt.” Oliver shrugged before splashing you with the water, you squealed, not ready for the water to touch your neck yet. Jeno hadn’t thought Danish could sound so beautiful until it came out of your mouth. He smiled at you as Oliver continued to splash the water at you, you splashed him back and before you knew it your grandmother was calling you from the house for dinner.
“Are you boys staying for dinner? We’d love to have you.” Your grandfather asked as you all walked onto the deck, soaking wet. “We wouldn’t want to impose.” Donghae spoke, he was very well spoken, like his father. “Nonsense! Stay!” Your grandmother said as she bought a serving dish of food out. “Thank you very much. This is too kind.” Jeno said as he took a seat, next to you. You smiled at him as you grabbed him a plate. “Don’t be silly. It’s nice to have you here for dinner again.” You said. He gave you a very warm smile back, before thanking you for the plate.
You enjoyed dinner. It was nice to get to talk to Jeno more. You learnt that Jeno was very popular at school, and he played soccer. You could guess that he was popular. He probably had girls dropping to their knees for him on a daily basis. Jeno now studied law at a prestigious university in Seoul and was very hard working, according to his brother. You could tell Donghae was extremely proud of Jeno. It was heartwarming. You also learnt that Jeno had three cats at home and that he missed them very much. You mention to him that there’s many strays here in France and that if he left food for them, they’d probably never leave him alone. He liked the idea of that. Despite being allergic to cats, which made everyone at the table laugh.
When dinner was done, both Jeno and Donghae stayed to help tidy up. Your grandmother was very impressed with their manners and said she would make sure to tell their father how respectful they were. You could see Jeno’s face scrunch up at the mention of his father. You wondered what it was about him that made Jeno do that. After cleaning up, Jeno and Donghae left and walked home to the cottage attached to the church. Not before thanking your grandparents profusely for the meal and for welcoming them into their home again. You really liked how polite they were to your grandparents. It made you a hundred times more attracted to Jeno.
Jeno had invited you to the lake this time. You couldn’t help but feel sick with excitement that he wanted to go swimming with you. He’d knocked on the door that evening desperate to see you. For some reason he couldn’t get you out of his head and he just wanted to be near you. You made him feel something he hadn’t felt before. Especially since arriving in France. “Nice bikini.” He said as you walked down to the lake together, your hands brushing past his every so often, making electricity spark through your nervous system. “Thanks.” You smiled up at him. He was referring to your old mismatched bikini you had pulled out of your bottom draw as quickly as you could when he came round. Your other much nicer ones were in the wash. You piled your towels on the shore and both walked in to the lake together. “This is nice.” You mumbled as you got deep enough to swim. The sun was setting over the two of you, making him look even more ethereal. He thought the same about you too. Your pretty little face lit up when he mentioned the cats again. He’d tried to feed them but none of them let him stroke them. “It’s okay there’s loads of friendly ones that come to my house in the evening. We’ll probably see them when we go back. Mormor likes to make sure they’ve had a good dinner.”
After he asked what a Mormor was you explained some more Danish words to him. He just liked to hear you talk, especially in your mother tongue. You asked him to teach you some Korean. He immediately taught you the swear words of course, making you gently slap his shoulder after he got you to say them without knowing what they meant. He liked the way your hands felt on his skin. They were so soft and kind. The sun had finally set over the two of you, bringing darkness. The lake at night was probably your favourite. You didn’t ever really get the opportunity to go in it at night as your brothers were usually too tired or playing games. Jeno loved the way your face caught the light from the moon. He thought you were more beautiful than ever. He really wanted to kiss you right now.
“Do you like going to church?” You suddenly ask him, making him snap out of his daze. “No, not really. I feel I’m obliged to because of my dad though.” You nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Me neither. My family are pretty religious. I never used to go but I was forced to when there was a new priest,” you referenced his dad, making his face scrunch up again, “But I wanted to go after I saw you there. Your face made it more bearable.” You giggled, his face lit up. “Really?” He moved closer towards you and you placed a hand at the back of his neck. “Yeah, you’re not bad looking you know.” You said softly, placing your other arm behind his neck and finally securing both your arms around him. He felt like he was in heaven. As did you.
“I’m surprised to see you wear a cross then.” He looked down at your necklace. “My dad gave it to me. It feels weird to take it off.” You said, sadness laced through your voice. He didn’t ask about your dad, it was probably a sore subject, he decided. “I wouldn’t even call myself religious at all. I never understood it, never liked it.” Jeno suddenly said, boldly. “Me too! It feels wrong to me.” Jeno nodded at your comment. He felt close to you at that moment. He’d never been able to share his thoughts on his so called religion with anyone else. He was scared they would judge him. He was glad he could confide in you. After all, you were pretty much his only friend in this quiet little village. “What do you think made you feel like that? For me, it was when my church back home in Denmark was preaching about how being gay was wrong, and how you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. It doesn’t make sense. It’s so wrong.” Your arms were still wrapped around Jeno’s neck securely. He’d never felt so safe with anyone else to talk about this sort of thing before so he used it as an opportunity to get some things off his chest.
“The church my dad used to run, back in Korea. It was filled with people who believe those things. And to hear my dad talk about them too. It made me feel ill. I have friends back home that were, in my dads words, sinners. He didn’t like me hanging out with them because they believed differently to him. I’m an adult I should be able to do what I want, see whoever I want. But he didn’t see it like that. That’s why we’re here. He wanted my brother an I to get away from the sins in our home town and start fresh. He was hoping we’d suddenly turn to Christ and be born again.” Jeno looked down at the thin strip of water between the two of you. “I’ll never forgive him for taking me away from everything I know. This place, it’s beautiful don’t get me wrong. But it’s not for me. It’s too slow.” You pulled yourself closer to him, your lips close, to look into his eyes. “I’m sorry. That sounds really shitty. I promise it’s not that bad here. We’ll go into the market if you want. Try and do some less boring things.” You proposed, “It’s not boring here with you.” He said, looking back into your eyes. The distance between your lips was minute. He wanted to badly to kiss you then and there as did you. “We could do this everyday if you wanted.” You whispered, “I’d like that.” And with that he pressed his lips to yours.
“What’s going on with you and Jeno? You were awfully pleased with yourself last night.” Kaspar asks as he walks into your room, disturbing your peace. “We’re just friends. It’s nice to hang out with someone other than your brothers you know.” You throw your book at him and stand up. You wondered what Jeno was doing right now. “Touché.” Kaspar said as he walked out. “Oh and Jeno is here by the way, thought I should let you know.” He poked his head round the door and grinned. You quickly ran downstairs behind him. “Hey! What are you doing here?” You asked intuitively. “Just thought I’d take you up on that offer of going to the market.” He shrugged. “Of course! Let me grab my bag.” You rushed back upstairs to grab your bag, fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and headed back down.
“So how have you been?” He asks shyly. “You don’t have to be awkward with me just because we kissed.” You roll your eyes playfully at him before pushing him out the door. “Noted.” He grabbed your hand as you walked into the village. You looked down at your hands every so often as you passed different cottages and villas, fields full of lavender and smiled as Jeno squeezed your hands tighter. Even though you’d only known each other a few weeks, only spoken to each other a handful of times, it all felt right. “Hey can we go in here?” Jeno snapped you out of your thoughts and pointed towards a vintage store that seemed in the middle of nowhere, only surrounded by a few houses. “Sure, why not?”
The store was vintage alright. It definitely hadn’t been updated since the fifties. Everything was coated in a thick layer of dust. Your eyes were drawn to the back section of the store, it had various different sunglasses and hats. You tried on a pair of sunglasses and turned to Jeno, “What do you think? Sexy?” They were large, pink heart shaped glasses that made you look ridiculous. “Oh definitely.” Jeno smirked, “you want them?” He asked, stepping towards you and pushing them down your nose slightly. You slowly leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “Of course, they make me look super sexy!” Jeno smiled and placed another kiss on your cheek, making you blush a deep shade of red of course.
You and Jeno tried on more wacky sunglasses before you noticed the shop keeper beginning to become annoyed with you both. “I think we should probably go.” Jeno gritted his teeth awkwardly as you headed towards the front of the shop. You placed the heart shaped sunglasses on the front desk and began to look through your back for your purse, but before you could, Jeno whipped out his wallet and placed a bill on the counter. “Don’t be silly, let me pay.” You tried to give the bill back to him as the shop owner rolled her eyes. “No. Let me get them.” The lady took the bill and you two headed out the store, with your sunglasses on.
You walked past the church on your way to the market. You could feel Jeno stiffen up at the sight of it. You gave his hand a squeeze and smiled up at him. “There’s another vintage store in town. Actually there’s only 3 stores, ones a vintage store and the other two are grocery stores.” You grinned up at him, knowing he probably would find it boring. He didn’t though, he just loved being with you.
After your wild shopping experience, you and Jeno found yourself sitting outside the village café, the one you had seen Jeno and his brother sitting at a few weeks prior. “I’ve had a really great time with you. Thanks for showing me the village.” Jeno reached over the table to grab your hands. “I know it’s probably been boring for you but I did try.” He held your hands slightly tighter, “I had a lovely time. I like spending time with you. And I like kissing you.” Your face broke out into a grin at the last sentence. “I like kissing you too.” You leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his lips. You did really like kissing him.
That evening Jeno had stayed for dinner again. You got the sense that he didn’t really have family dinners so it probably felt comforting to have them. You could relate to that. Your ‘family dinners’ at home were usually you sitting in your room working on a painting whilst picking at some cheese and crackers. They weren’t exactly dinners at all. Your mother didn’t really cook, she was always quite busy with work. And your dad, well, he had barely left the house in ten years and couldn’t really move from his bed or the couch so dinner wasn’t really a thing. Let alone a family dinner. That was probably part of the reason you loved being with your grandparents so much. They loved taking care of you all and making extravagant meals, making sure you had everything you needed. Your grandfather would always drive into the nearest town with you to get more painting supplies if you needed them and your grandmother would sew up a hole on your clothes if you needed. It felt very homely and comfortable.
“What were you two up to today then?” Your grandfather asked you and Jeno. “We walked into the village and went into some vintage shop. I got these sunglasses.” You flicked the sunglasses from your head to your nose. “I was wondering about those.” He chuckled and went back to his meal. “Kaspar took me to the lake on the other side of the village today and there was some other boys there and we jumped off the jetty into the lake a thousand times. It was really fun.” Oliver smiled as you leaned over to pinch his cheek. “I’m glad you had fun Oli.” He hummed a yes and put another mouthful of salad into his mouth.
“Jeno I’ve been meaning to ask, I’ve been wanting to set up a baking group for the other elderly people in the village and was wondering if we could use the church hall to host it.” Your grandmother asked as she placed her final dish on the table and sat down. Jeno shifted in his seat, “Uh yeah, you’d have to ask him but I’m sure it would be okay.” You placed a hand over his under the table and gave it a squeeze before you changed the subject. “Mormor this salad is amazing. Did you grow these tomatoes?”
Your room was quite simple but your grandparents had allowed you to decorate it however you wanted. You had some fairy lights wrapped around the bedroom and your grandfather had helped you put up some of your favourite art work on your walls. Jeno liked your room, it felt very much like you. It was the first time he’d been in it. He noticed a shelf full of books and a floral piggy bank with a note on top, ‘For London’ it said. He smiled and sat down on your bed next to you. “So what did you want to do?” Jeno could barely finish his sentence before you grabbed his face and kissed him. He leaned into the kiss and bought his hands to your waist. You pulled away for a second before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down on the bed to lay beside you. He nuzzled his head into your neck and placed a few soft kisses on it. “You’re pretty.” He finally broke the silence after you’d both laid there for a while. It was dark outside and you’d spent the whole day in the lake again. Jeno was starting to see why you loved the lake so much. “You’re pretty too.” You smiled down at him and placed a kiss on his head.
“If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” You randomly asked, “Where did that come from?” He asked, stroking your leg. “But since you asked, I’d go to this small little village in the south of France, and I’d be laying in bed with a very pretty girl whilst she asks me random questions.” You grinned at his answer, “You wouldn’t go home?” You asked, unsure of what his answer would be. He knew you were referencing his home in Seoul when you asked this. “Hm, I do miss my home but right now I’m enjoying laying with you.” You ran your fingers down his back sending shivers down his spine. He loved the feeling he got when you touched him.
“Do you believe in God?” You shot another random question at him. He didn’t know how to answer this one because he genuinely didn’t know the answer. “I don’t know, do you?” He asked. You pondered for a while before saying, “I think so. It’s probably because I’m scared to believe otherwise. I would like to believe that there’s a heaven and that there’s someone there looking out for you. Even if His previous decisions were questionable.” He hummed in agreement. “When did your dad become a priest?” He shuffled to get more comfortable, “Not very long ago, maybe ten years? He divorced my mother to become one. It was a strange time. It’s not usual to hear of priests with children. I was worried what would happen when we came here because our old church had gotten used to it.” You had wondered why your village’s new Catholic priest had two sons at the time but never really questioned it. You wondered if anyone else had too, they probably had knowing the people in this village.
“I’m sorry that happened.” You whispered whilst placing another kiss on his head. “I think that’s why I’m so adverse to religion. My father denounced everything, his wife and almost his two children for a job. He’s moved us over to a country we no barely anything about for a job. You don’t even have to divorce if you’re already married to become a priest. I think he just went crazy.” Jeno shrugged whilst you stroked his hair to comfort him. “I know it seems strange that Donghae and I are both adults but we can’t make our own decision about where we live. But he’s controlling, it didn’t feel like we had a choice.” Jeno huffed and nuzzled deeper into your neck. “I understand. Thank you for sharing that with me. I know stuff like that is hard to talk about.” Jeno placed another kiss on your neck before you started speaking again. “I think I’m the opposite. I have so much freedom that it’s scary. My mother is a workaholic. Well I guess she has to be to keep a roof over our heads. It seems mean to say this but I don’t think she really cares where we are or what we’re doing as long as we’re not causing problems for her. My dad barely leaves the house. He fell into a deep depression after his brother passed away when I was eight or nine. It’s like he’s dead too. He’s alive but he’s dead.” You felt a pang of sadness hit your chest. You didn’t talk about your dad much because it hurt too much. You had a great relationship with him until your uncle had died and after that you completely lost him. You suddenly felt guilty that you’d offloaded your problems onto Jeno after he’d just poured his heart out to you. “Is that why you like it here so much? It feels more like home?” He sits up and asks you. “Yeah, I think so.” You whisper. Jeno presses a kiss to your forehead, then one on your nose and then finally one on your lips. “We’ll go to the lake tomorrow to swim after church, hey?” He placed a hand on your cheek, “Yeah I’d like that.”
You awoke in the morning with Jeno softly snoring with his head on your chest. Oh Lord. You must have both fallen asleep after talking. “Jeno, wake up.” You ran your fingers through his hair, not wanting to wake him up abruptly but also enough to actually wake him up because you were sure your grandparents wouldn’t be happy about a boy sleeping in your room. Not that you’d meant it. But even so, they wouldn’t be happy. He mumbled something incoherent as he shuffled on top of you. “Jen, we need to get up.” He sleepily lifted his head and when he noticed where he was his eyes opened wide. “Oh shit, sorry. We must have been tired last night.” He lifted himself off of you and sat on the edge of the bed whilst you started to get up and move around. He watched as you picked up some clothes off the floor and placed them in your washing basket. It was daytime now so things were much more visible. Your room was messy, skincare stuff and makeup was scattered all over your desk, clothes on the floor and your painting stuff just chucked in the corner. “Don’t worry my room is horrific. This is clean.” You rolled your eyes at him and threw one of your t-shirts at him. “I’d this for me? It looks a bit small?” He smiled and you rolled your eyes again throwing another item of clothing at him.
It wasn’t long before you arrived at the church with your family and Jeno. Jeno’s father immediately pulled him aside, he didn’t look happy. You wondered what they were talking about. You could see Father Lee gesturing for Jeno to sit next to his brother. Jeno gave you a smile of sympathy before sitting next to his brother. You sat in the middle with your grandparents and brother. You looked up at Mary whilst Father Lee started his service. You wondered if she cared about what was going on below her. She’d probably heard it all a million times. You sort of admired her despite your aversion to church and to religion. She had stood at the top of the church all this time, silently watching for all these years. Your eyes wondered around to the various paintings on the ceiling. How long did it take to paint those? And how high did the ladder have to be to reach the top? And how did the people painting them know what Jesus looked like? They had no reference. You couldn’t deny the churches beauty. Lots of people had obviously worked very hard to create this place hundreds of years ago. You decided to watch the back of Jeno’s head for a while. It was lowered for most of the time. He only looked up when his father spoke a word he understood, or when his brother spoke to him. It made you feel sad.
Jeno had been invited around for dinner for the umpteenth time that week by your grandparents. They could see how happy he was making you and could probably see that Jeno needed some company too. It was late when Jeno suggested you both walk into the village. Your grandparents made sure to tell him to take good care of you as it was dark and he assured them he would never let anything bad happen to you. That made you smile. You loosely held hands as you walked. You could see some horses had been put into a pasture along the road and you headed towards them, stroking their noble heads and giggling when they tried to nibble at your jumper. You passed the church a few minutes later and you were surprised when Jeno crossed the road to head towards it. You were even more surprised that the church was unlocked when Jeno pushed one of the large wooden doors open. “I want to show you something.” He said as you followed behind him. He headed towards the front and looked up, “Despite everything I feel about church and religion and my dad, I’ve always quite liked Mary.” He spoke softly, you held his hand close to you and leaned your head on his shoulder whilst you both looked up at the statue. “She’s managed to fool all of these people into believing she was a virgin despite getting pregnant. It’s amazing really.” He almost laughed at his own statement. You moved your attention to Jeno’s face as he looked up at the statue. His face must have been calved by angels, if they existed. It was perfect. He was perfect. You moved in front of him so you were facing him and wrapped your arms around him. He returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around you too. “Are you a virgin?” You suddenly ask out of the blue. Jeno is shocked by your question and almost chokes whilst trying to answer it. “What?” He says, “Are you a virgin?” You repeat, this time looking up at him. “I have a controlling overly religious father, what do you think? He raises an eyebrow. “Wait, you actually are? But you’re so hot!” You place and hand on his chest, your mouth wide open. “Thank you, I guess.” You wrap your arms around his neck and place a kiss on his lips. His hands find your waist and you slip your tongue into his mouth. “You kiss well for a virgin.” You couldn’t but say it. “I’ve have kissed girls before!” He sounds offended but doesn’t say anymore as you press your lips to his again.
Your arms unwrap themselves from Jeno’s neck and your hands find your way to his chest and then lower, and then slightly lower. “Is this okay?” You ask when you pull away from his lips. He looked to pretty right now, his lips red and slightly swollen. He mumbles out a “yes,” and you drop to your knees. In a church. God if you are real and you’re watching us right now, please forgive me, you thought as you began to unbutton Jeno’s pants. He watches you as you pull his underwear down, and take his cock into your hand. You look up at him again and he swears this is the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. You pump his cock a few times before taking it into your mouth. You make sure to retain eye contact as you suck, wanting to see Jeno’s reaction as you gave him head in the middle of his fathers church. It felt so unbelievably good, he thought, the fact that it was so wrong excited him. You kept looking up at him through your eyelashes as you went, making sure to take him right to the back of your throat. He threw his head back and groaned as you did this so you knew you were doing a good job. “Fuck, this is amazing.” He moaned and placed his hands on the back of your head. You could sense he was getting close as he pushed slightly on your head and let out a loud groan. “Come in my mouth.” You said as you took your mouth of his cock for a second. He quickly pushed your head back down and you giggled before taking it back into your mouth. And then he came. Right into your mouth, some spilling out past your lips and onto your chin. You swallowed before coming back up to face him. “Holy shit. I have faith. How could God not be real if having your dick sucked in a church felt that good?” You joked and you giggled at his comment as he took your face into his hand and wiped his cum off of your lips and chin. “Thank you baby.” He placed a kiss to your forehead before bringing you into his chest for a hug. “No problem.” You grinned cheekily at him and wrapped your arms around his waist. “You should probably pull your pants up and get me out of here though. It’s late.” He smiled and placed another kiss on your forehead before you both headed back to your house.
“Really, thank you though.” Jeno said as he pulled the covers over you both. “Stop thanking me! It’s the least I could do!” You giggle and throw your arm over his stomach. “What random question are you gonna ask me tonight?” He asked as he placed a hand on your head, reminiscent of the nights earlier events, but this time to stroke your hair. “Hm, who is your favourite artist?” You run your hands down his chest and abs, feeling over the beautifully crafted muscles. “You.” He says immediately. “No like a real artist.” You look up at him and he swears it almost makes him hard again. “You are a real artist. You make art, beautiful art, and, you’re real.” He says very surely. “Thank you.” You lean your head into his chest. “Are we gonna risk you sleeping over again? Yeah I think we are, you’re very comfortable.” You say as your eyes flutter shut.
“Stop!” You squeal as Jeno lifts you over his shoulder and quickly walks into the lake, following your brothers. “No! Come and have some fun!” Your brothers laugh, enjoying their sisters misfortune but also enjoying seeing you so happy. “I was having fun!” You try to argue but it doesn’t seem to make any difference as Jeno dunks you into the lake. When you come up from the water you push Jeno back to try and get him to fall back into the water but you fail miserably and fall yourself, right into his chest. “Aw what a lovely thank you hug for making enjoy your day instead of sitting on the side just watching us.” You give in and wrap your hands around his neck placing a kiss on his cheek. Oliver makes a gagging sound and splashed you both, Jeno immediately unwraps himself from you and chases your brother round as fast as he can despite the water trying to stop him. Kaspar makes his way towards you, “I like this version of you. All happy and loved up. It’s nice.” You lay back in the water and watch the clouds above you. “But what’s gonna happen when we have to leave for Denmark again?” You hadn’t even thought about the fact you’d have to go back at the end of the summer and it made you feel sick. “I don’t know. But I don’t really care right now.” You stand upright again and look at your brother, a pout on your lips. “Sorry for bringing it up. Just want to prepare you.” You knew your brother only ever had good intentions. He’d never want to hurt you, he loved you far too much. You enjoyed watching Jeno chase Oliver for a while longer before you decided you were too cold and needed to get out of the water.
Jeno joined you by the lakeside a few minutes later as you lay out on your towel, enjoying the sunshine with your new sunglasses. The lake had a mix of stones and sand surrounding it and you’d found a good spot with no stones. He laid next to you on his side on the towel you’d brought him. He reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze when he retrieved it. “You’re so pretty.” He said, which made you break out into a smile. You felt all your worries leave your body whenever he spoke. “Even in my sunglasses?” You teased, “Even in your sunglasses.” He winked at you before he headed back into the lake with your brothers. You sat up and watched them for a while, playing and thrashing about in the water. Oliver had brought a ball with him and they were throwing it about playing some sort of game they’d made up. You couldn’t help but smile watching Jeno get on so well with your brothers.
Your brothers had never liked your previous boyfriend, if that was what you could even call Jeno, you weren’t sure, you hadn’t spoken about it. Your ex wasn’t exactly interested in having any sort of relationship with your family and it made you sad. When you thought back to it, all he wanted was to have sex with you, and when you weren’t having sex he was distant and cold. You broke up with him after five months, five months too long, you thought, and he was surprised that you’d done it. You couldn’t believe the audacity he had. He was honestly shocked that you wanted to end things with him after he treated you like you like you were just a hook up. You could remember Oliver being so relieved when you told him your boyfriend wouldn’t be coming over anymore. “Thank the Lord.” He said. He was only nine.
The boys finally made their way out the lake, complaining of hunger. You suggested that instead of bothering your grandmother for food, you’d head out into the village for lunch. Your grandmother never minded cooking for you but you thought she deserved a break, having cooked three meals a day for you for the past two months. You walked back up into the house to get changed, Jeno following behind you. Your grandparents weren’t in anyway, you remembered they’d told you they were driving into the closest town to pick up something your grandfather needed. As you and Jeno walked into your bedroom you caught a whiff of your hair, it smelt of lake. “I’m just gonna shower quickly. I smell of lake.” You told Jeno. Your mind, being in the gutter as always, asked you to invite him in. So you did. “Wanna come shower with me? I don’t share a bathroom with anyone so we’re safe.” You gave him a sultry look. He didn’t have to say anything as he followed you into the bathroom, taking his shirt off as he did so.
You turned on the shower and began undressing. You realised Jeno had never seen you naked before. You suddenly felt insecure, but there wasn’t any going back now. Jeno watched as you took off your bikini top, mesmerised by how beautiful you were. Once you were fully naked you stepped into the shower, “Coming in?” You snapped Jeno out of his daze and he pulled off his shorts and got in with you. “You’re so beautiful.” He ran his hands down your sides. You smile at him and place a kiss on his cheek. Jeno helps you wash your hair and makes sure your conditioner is coating every strand of your hair. Once you’re done you step out, pulling a towel around yourself and pass one to Jeno. He wraps it around his waist and follows you back through the hallway and into your bedroom, thankful you hadn’t been caught by your brothers.
When you arrive at the village café you sit down on one of the tables outside. Having already decided on your orders on the walk there, Jeno and Kaspar go inside to order your meals. “You like Jeno a lot don’t you?” Oliver asks you. “I do Oli.” You smile at him, “I like Jeno too. He’s very nice. He’s nice to you too.” You feel bad that Oliver had probably picked up on the way your ex had treated you. It probably worried him. But you’re grateful that he likes Jeno. When Kaspar and Jeno come out they have your drinks. Jeno places your coffee in front of you and sits down next to you. He immediately grabs your hand from under the table and rests it on his thigh. You give his hand a squeeze and try your coffee, humming in pleasure at its taste.
It’s three in the morning and you can’t sleep. Jeno had decided that after your walk to see the horses in the pasture that he should probably go home and sleep in his own bed that night. He had mentioned that his father wasn’t happy that he was out almost every night and questioned his whereabouts whenever he would see him. Which wasn’t very often these days. You couldn’t sleep without Jeno now though. He’d spoiled you with his fantastically comfortable chest which you used as a pillow. You decided that you weren’t going to sleep any time soon so you got up and out of bed. You sneaked out to the kitchen and out the back door successfully without waking anyone and made your way down to the lake. This was something you did often before Jeno had arrived in the village. Your grandfather had told you off about it, saying it wasn’t safe to go down to the lake on your own at night but you needed to see the water sometimes. Even if you’d been in the lake all day, sometimes you just needed to watch the water.
The moon reflected off the middle of the lake and reflected in your eyes. It looked beautiful, you thought. You sat down on a rock and looked out into the water. It was so calm and peaceful. You thought back to your previous summers spent overlooking the lake. None of them were as happy as this summer. You felt ill at the fact that in three weeks time, you would be on a plane on your way back to Copenhagen. You hadn’t spoken to Jeno about it but both of you knew it was coming. You could feel your heart ripping apart at the thought of the conversation. You couldn’t leave him here, even if you would be back the following summer, you didn’t think you could last nine months without him, you couldn’t even last a night without him. You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard footsteps on the rocks behind you. You spun your head in fear but your heart rate returned to a slightly lower rate when you realised it was Kaspar. “Jesus Kristus, du skræmte mig.” You threw a tiny pebble at his legs. “Sorry.” He chuckled before taking a seat next to you.
“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked, his legs spreading out in front of him. “No, I can’t sleep without Jeno.” You shamefully admitted to him. “What are you gonna do when we get home?” He asked. He knew that you were in love with Jeno. His question wasn’t necessarily about your sleeping habits but just in general. What were you going to do? He wrapped an arm around you and you rested your head on his shoulder. You both stayed in silence as you watched the little ripples form in the water as the breeze skimmed across it. “We should go in. You need to sleep.” He stood up and offered you a hand. You both headed back into the house and Kaspar dropped you back off at your bedroom. You couldn’t sleep at all that night.
You must have fallen asleep eventually because when you awoke, it was already midday. You wondered into the kitchen to see if anyone was in. You could see your grandparents through the kitchen window tending to their garden and you assumed your brothers were down at the lake. There was only one thing you wanted to do today and that was to see Jeno. You quickly got ready and headed out up the road and into the village. When you got to the church you knocked on the cottage door. Donghae opened it and seemed happy to see you. He let you in and told you Jeno was in his room and he would go and get him. You waited for them and decided to glance around the kitchen. There were portraits of Jesus and Mary, several crucifixes and what you assumed was a Bible quote on the wall, but it was in Korean. When Jeno appeared he seemed surprised to see that you’d come to his home. He immediately took your hand and ushered you to his room without saying anything. “Is your dad in?” You asked when Jeno shut the door. “No thank God, but you can’t just appear here. You’re not my fathers favourite church goer believe it or not.” You smiled knowingly. Jeno’s father would often give you stern looks in church. Jeno had told you that his father believed you were corrupting him. That was true, you thought, thinking back to the ‘incident’ in the church. You didn’t care what Jeno’s father thought of you, you only really cared about Jeno. It was probably pretty selfish to think that but Jeno would probably agree with you.
Jeno guided you to his room and shut the door behind him. He had nothing on his walls other than a crucifix above his bed, which was messy and unmade. There were a few items of clothing strewn around the floor and books piled up on the desk. He noticed you looking around, “I was going to ask you if you’d paint me something I could hang on the wall. Just to make it feel more homely I guess.” You nodded and joined him on the bed. “I would be more than happy to.” You placed a kiss on his cheek. A knock on the door snapped you both out of your daze and Jeno instantly got up, scared it was his father knocking. Donghae opened the door and told Jeno something in Korean. When he shut the door behind him Jeno said, “He’s going out. We probably have a while before anyone gets back.” You then immediately pressed your lips to his and pushed him back on the bed.
He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and deepened the kiss. His hands slipped under the t-shirt you were wearing, which just so happened to be his. He must have left it at your place after a swim in the lake. You pulled away from him and hooked your fingers under his shirt, beginning to pull it up over his head. He leaned forward to help you and threw the shirt in the pile of clothes on the floor. You immediately ran your hands over his chest, admiring how beautiful he was and went back in for another kiss. Jeno straight away slipped his hands under your shirt and you helped him get better access by taking it off. You also took the opportunity to remove your bra. Jeno had seen your naked body before but this time he felt different, and he swore he’d never seen something so beautiful in his life. You grabbed his hand and placed it on your breast before placing your lips back on his. You ground down on his crotch and could feel him hardening up at the friction. He moaned and ground his hips back up into yours. You continued like this for a while before you decided enough was enough and you needed him. You swung your leg over him and pulled him up by the hands so he was sitting in front of you. You unbuttoned his pants, just like you’d done in the church that day and he stood up to remove them along with his boxers. You took off your shorts and underwear and then got back into the bed. Jeno took a moment to appreciate how perfect everyone was at that moment and how beautiful you looked, waiting for him. He got on top of you, bringing you in for a kiss. “Are you sure you’re ready?” You asked him, placing a hand on his cheek, making sure he wanted to go through with it. He leaned over to his nightstand and rummaged through it, pulling out a condom.
“You were prepared for this, huh?” You smiled at him, kissing him again. He ripped open the condom and rolled it over his cock and lined himself up. “Go ahead.” You eyes rolled back into your head as he pushed into you and you grabbed his shoulders to ground you. “Holy fuck.” He groaned as he began to fuck in and out of you, “You feel so good baby.” He panted as he placed small kisses on your breasts and neck. “Jen, I love you.” It just came out of your mouth. You didn’t mean it to but God you meant it. “I love you too beautiful, I have since the moment I saw you.” You pulled him closer to you and be buried his face in your neck. He fucked in and out of you slowly and carefully. You could feel yourself getting close as could he. “Go faster.” You breathed out. He propped himself up and began to fuck you faster and harder and the feeling in the pit of your stomach grew. You whined out and grabbed on to Jeno’s back, probably leaving marks but you didn’t care at that moment, you felt so good. “I’m gonna cum.” He choked out before he released, shaking and moaning. He pulled out of you and snaked down your body, his head ending up at your pussy. He licked a stripe up you and focused on your clit, sucking on it. It wasn’t long before you came too, grabbing on to his hair as he ate you out. “Thank you baby. I love you.” You pulled him up towards you and placed a kiss on his mouth and pulling him closer to you by wrapping your arms around his neck. He collapsed on top of you, mumbling an “I love you too,” before wrapping his arms around your waist and snuggling into your neck.
It was a beautiful evening as the sun set over the lake and you and Jeno were in the water, your arms around his neck and his around your waist. You’d been meaning to talk to him about your return to Denmark but the right time never came. You weren’t sure that the right time would ever come. But it had to at some point. You pressed a kiss to Jeno’s lips before starting what would probably be one of the hardest conversations of your life. You weren’t sure where to even start. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you spoke, “I leave for Denmark again in 10 days.” You felt Jeno’s body tense up under your touch. He didn’t respond he just leaned his head into your shoulder and placed a gently kiss on it. You could feel your eyes beginning to fill with tears as you moved your arms up to cradle his head, stroking his hair. “I don’t want to go.” You cried, tears cascading down your cheeks. “I don’t want this to end.” Jeno held you tightly. He didn’t know what to say. His heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest and stamped on repeatedly. “Don’t go, please.” He managed to squeeze out, trying not to cry too. “I have to Jen. I have school and my parents.” Jeno couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he gripped into you harder, as if holding you tighter might prevent you from leaving. “You can’t leave me here.” He choked out, sobbing now. “I’m sorry Jen. I love you so much.” You pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, wiping away the tears with your thumb.
Jeno slept round again that night, holding you tighter and closer than he ever had. Making sure to take in everything about you. The way your skin felt on his fingers, the way you smelt and the way every time you touched him it felt like an electric pulse shot through his body. “I can’t be alone here.” He let out randomly in the middle of the night. “I don’t know what I’ll do.” It was the early hours of the morning at this point and neither of you had slept. Jeno shot up from the bed, his hands covering his face as he sat on the side. You sat up too and placed your head his back. The panic of not having you here was starting to set in with him and he wasn’t coping very well. “I can’t.” He choked before letting out a sob. You weren’t sure if anything you were going to say would help him. You’d racked your brains for ways your mother might let you stay in France but you kept coming up empty. She was be furious with you if you were just going to throw away your education and future for a boy you’d met on vacation. It didn’t feel like that to you though. Your relationship with Jeno was different, you felt so connected to him in a way that was so hard to explain. “I know,” was all you could say as you rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.
Over the following days you and Jeno had been stuck together like glue. He hadn’t left your side and you hadn’t left his. Your grandparents had noticed that you were so desperately trying to hang on to each other, with it coming to the end of your stay. Jeno was in the lake with your brothers one afternoon, it was probably the first time he hadn’t been right next to you since your conversation. You’d decided to stay on the lakeside and paint. Your grandfather had joined you after a while. “How are you coping?” He said as he stood next to you awkwardly, probably not knowing what to say to you. His granddaughters love life wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. “I think we’re just pretending it’s not happening.” You sighed and continued to add paint to your canvas. “You know, you can always come here whenever you’d like. It doesn’t just have to be for the summer.” He said, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I know Farfar, but you know my mother. We have to help at home.” You looked up and him and he pulled you in for a side hug.
On the evening before you left, it was tradition for you to play board games with your grandparents. Jeno had stayed for this occasion of course and you’d both played happily alongside your family. Jeno had helped you pack your bags and had sneakily placed a few of his t-shirts in your bag, knowing how much you liked to wear them. He seemed okay, you thought, but it didn’t stop you from worrying about him. You didn’t feel okay at all. You wanted to cry when you noticed that he’d put some of his shirts in your bag but you didn’t say anything, worried that it would set him off again. Jeno held your hand throughout the whole of your games night, bringing it up to his mouth every so often to place a soft kiss on it. Your grandparents and brothers felt sad for you both and looked at you with sorry eyes every time Jeno did it. They could see how much love you had for each other and it broke their hearts that you’d be split apart in the morning.
There wasn’t enough room in your grandfathers car for Jeno to come on the ride to the airport. You realised as you piled your bags into the car that the time had finally come and you’d have to say goodbye to Jeno. You grasped his hands so tightly after you’d packed your last items in your room. Tears flowed immediately as he pulled you in for a hug. You sobbed into his chest and he placed small kisses on your neck. You could feel his tears hitting your skin as you held each other tightly. “I love you so much. So fucking much, it’s killing me.” He kissed up your neck, moving his hands to cradle your head as you stroked his back. “I love you.” He said again. “I love you.” You said back, softly, and he sank into you even further, letting out a sob.
You watched Jeno’s sad eyes as your grandfather pulled away from the house. Kaspar wrapped an arm around your shoulder and placed a kiss on your temple as you cried. You felt as if you couldn’t breathe. You felt as if your heart had been ripped out and stamped on, placed through a shredder and thrown in the trash. On the way through the village you asked your grandparents to stop off at Jeno’s house. You wanted to give him his gift when he wasn’t there. You didn’t think either of your hearts could have taken the final break of you giving him a goodbye gift. You placed the painting of the lake on his doorstep with a note attached. It was the painting you’d been working on when Jeno had approached you at the lake at the beginning of the summer.
END.
#jeno#jeno au#jeno scenarios#jeno blurbs#jeno stables#jeno imagines#jeno hard hours#jeno x y/n#jeno x you#nct jeno#jeno angst#jeno x reader#jeno smut#jeno fanfic#nct#nct dream#nct dream blurbs#nct dream fanfic#nct dream scenarios#nct dream imagines#nct dream au
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hiiii! I can ask for some hdcns for hajun, allen, kanata with an orphan mc fem who also has a younger sister whom she loves very affectionately and teaches (things like sums, reading, etc.) since they can't attend school je, well In summary, how would they react to a tender relationship between sisters~ (since we have seen several brother relationships in the anime, so I was wondering how things would be with a fluffy and sweet relationship between sisters with a lot of hug uvu) I hope I have explained myself well ;u; tell me if something was not understood and I will rephrase it again, tkm <33
┈➤ that's such a cute request! Hopefully, this will suffice for your scenarios, please enjoy!
Allen Sugasano
he notices you with a scratch paper you hold with. Allen was quick to take an interest in
Aware of the circumstances your life has been through he is sure to ask why you have that paper along with you. It didn't shrug the fact you said you want to teach your sister back at home today.
Allen wanted to help and the care and concern he shows he visiting you two at your house
It wasn't pretty much shabby nor abandoned as you mainly took care of everything around. Managing only you and your little sister, which Allen admires that of you
He sees your little sister at the front door directly she greets him before rushing you with a big hug
How cute isn't it? Allen was a bit cautious about wherever places he went, shy enough to bow as he walked inside
You prepared a small table with the scratch paper on your hands and placed it along with a notebook and a pen
"New lesson to teach her?" Allen asked as he watched you
You answered yes to the hip-hop genius with a soft smile showed your face. When your little sister arrives back to see you handling a new topic she has quipped her attention to you as you speak
Something Allen felt was genuinely unconditional that you wanted to help her know the bigger things and the outside world which he had a heartfelt weight on his chest. Chuckling as he also joined the discussion.
Wholesome moment when you put a lot of effort into telling your little sister what's good and bad, and there's nothing to be afraid of risking challenges in it too
You were a standing mother to her, she is more important to you than anyone else which Allen understands as he listens to you.
There are random conversations that relate to your new topic and yet rambles that your sister will find entertaining even in the slightest thought. Allen stares at you without any notice as you are focused on telling more about your sibling.
There are moments Allen grew fonder of your sibling relationship that he caters his time to talk with your little sister too.
He knows how hard it is to live up to the reality you've been facing. As Allen was supposed to leave, he chuckled and smiled at you saying "You know what? I think you'll be a great teacher someday. If I were to help you. I thank you for such a good role model for her."
Hajun Yeon
Such an observer, he would help you out about things with you and your little sister
But you were a persistent older sibling to her no matter what which Hajun respects
Something Hajun finds in someone that he wished to feel for throughout his past life with a rich family. Love wasn't something he saw nor felt within his presence before, until the picture of you and your littlbutister's bond
Hajun can only think and imagine how life was been for you to pursue just for this little lady. He sometimes assists you around when you need him. Education is a treasure that he believes in, despite the difference in his experience between the two of you. He wouldn't miss a chance to help out as well
Funny that sometimes Hajun would slide sarcastic comments about your teachings to your little sister which ends up with him and your sibling picking a tease on you. But who doesn't it? Hajun as his ways to do so
He feels like he is also part of this bond you two had. Even your little sister starts to call him "oppa" when he comes around visiting your place.
He makes sure to bring some books, papers, notebooks, and pens to find. He showers your little sister with gifts he knows she can appreciate.
Of course, you're not missing out. Hajun isn't the type to be verbal, but showing his side of effort and gifts are his ways.
Aside from that, it's a relief you're not the only one helping out to teach your little sibling. Hajun gives the best learnings for her to share as he was given the best education. So he wouldn't be shy about it.
Kanata Yatonokami
As Kanata relates to this kind of situation. He always reminds him and Nayuta in this case. He sees you with your little sister laughing as you discuss lots of things going on. The world outside is mysterious and something to explore.
He simply agrees with a few things you teach her, there are times when Kanata's words are full of direct bluntness which he says they should know as early as possible before they can step up the reality.
In hindsight of this relationship that you and your little sister had he couldn't deny thinking of Nayuta the way you take care of her. Every patience, every moment you worded for her about the things she should be grateful for and that she doesn't need to do for their living survival? Thus, other things you would do to sacrifice in order not to lose someone special, and a family? Kanata felt that.
You're like a mother to her the way Kanata stands up doing odd jobs for a living, a standing parent for their siblings. Finally, another one who can relate to his struggles
When you're out going to buy some new notebooks for your little sister which are mostly used for her random scribbles. Kanata simply talks to the kid randomly while you're away
Your little sister is just being a child of her own, scribbling on her notebook as she presents it to Kanata.
He blinked and laughed noticing this little kid drew him, "You're something huh?"
He never felt like this being close to someone and yet welcomed. Like how he and Nayuta only had each other, he could only hope that Nayuta was here with him. Pretty sure you'll be the only person Kanata understands more by how this situation is meant for you two to talk about.
As you go home by the time, Kanata is just talking to your sister as she still scribbles in her notebook. You noticed Kanata's doodle of him and your sister together playing. There's a note from your little sister that says "big brother" on her paper.
Chuckling aside, you excused Kanata to let your sister behave and they shall start their learning fun. Kanata is willing to stay for long as he sees what bond you two have.
He didn't find it boring when you talked about other things aside from how to write and read. You taught your little sister some basic math you know. Even kidding aside if Kanata knows something which he slyly ignores that you find adorable his reactions are.
Daily he goes to see you and your little sister having quality time together there are no instances that your bond with her reflects where he and Nayuta spend.
#anime and manga#lunaticcreatives =͟͟͞⚝#paradox live#paradox live the animation#paradox live headcanons#requests#allen sugasano#kanata yatonokami#hajun yeon
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Hey out of curiosity, I know most of the main cast in CTB is pulled from either Legend of Zelda game canons (Princess Zelda, Lana, Ganondorf in name, etc) or Linked Universe, but out of your original characters (especially Kat, Marigold, and the various Knights of Hyrule), did u give any of them symbolic or referential names?
Oh boy do I got the fun post for you:
Lincoln is straight up my Linksona. Just think of him as another version of the character Link
Marigold is supposed to be the typical red-headed love interest for a Link-like character; even her name is meant to fit right in with characters like Malon, Marin, and Midna.
Warriors's last name was originally going to be Warton, but I changed it to Walton when I learned that it meant "noble."
Meemaw is a reference to the Bertolt Brecht character Mother Courage (from his play Mother Courage and Her Children; I had just finished reading it for a seminar class when CTB first came to me). The characters even share a first name: Anna
Similarly, Kat is based off of Mother Courage's daughter, Kattrin; a famously silent-due-to-truama character
Kat's siblings also share names and fates with Mother Courage's sons: Eli is Eilif, and Cheddar is Swiss Cheese (yes, that's his real name)
Orlanda was named for Virginia Woolf's famous character Orlando; originally, I was going to have Orlanda be nonbinary, but changed my mind when I realized it wouldn't be a good idea to make your sacrificial character your nonbinary representation.
Shigeo's name was originally just going to be Shig, as a reference to Shigeru Miyamoto, but I changed it when I started to rewatch Mob Psycho 100. Shigeo is meant to be a homage to a common original character type I kept reading in Warriors-centric fics: the young Sheikah guy for Warriors to have a romance with. However, Shigeo was never envisioned with a romantic relationship in mind. He was always meant to be this cool, older guy type. However, I did almost have Warriors have a crush on him, then deleted that concept for space.
Gaudin was named after a French criminal for no reason. Genuinely, I just liked the name.
Anders was originally going to be named Betolt in honor of Brecht, but that felt heavy handed.
Jakucho is just meant to be the old woman version of the general Impa character to match the badass young woman version that is actually in Hyrule Warriors. Her name means "silent, lonely listening." I liked how it related to her role as Warriors's mentor/therapist.
Impa's real name, Chiyo, means "thousand generations, thousand worlds." I like how it related to the idea that she's always wanted to assume the same role as her ancestors.
I originally picked their surname Miyashita because the site I was on said it translated to something like "temple below the earth," which would reference the Kakariko Well. Checking now, it actually means "(one who lives) below the shrine," which makes way more sense in retrospect.
Ayane has no special name meaning, but her character... you do realize she's just Mask, right?
General Whitestone's name came from me asking myself what would a highly suspicious white guy in charge be called?
The name Nephus translates to "a God's son who will also become a God." Do I mean that literally? Who knows. At the very least, I wanted a snappy, but impressive-sounding name.
Vasileios means "royal or kingly". His middle name, Orionides, implies that he's the son of a great hunter.
Icarius's name is meant to be reminiscent to that of Icaurs, the famous mythological figure.
Philo means "lover or friend." A very cute name for a not-so-cute boy.
You probably have realized that the House of Nephus characters are heavily Greek/Roman coded. Originally, they were going to be Russian coded, but then the line about Faovaria being unable to attack some other kingdom due to their harsh winters would have fallen into question.
Faovaria's symbol being an octopus is a reference to how the octopuses symbolized immortality in ancient Greece.
Both of those were super off-topic. Sorry lol
I'll end with a fun fact you shouldn't look too deep into: the empire name Faovaria is derived from Farore. This was due to a concept I changed my mind about. Genuinely, it's not relevant anymore. Do not incorporate it into your theories, or something.
#i don't make it my policy to give every character special name meanings so if i didn't bring someone up...#...it's probably because I just liked that name to begin with#but fun fact I was looking at one of my old fanfics and i also used the name Marigold for a throwaway character and it gave me whiplash#me rambling#lu ctb#ask#linked universe#shoot-i-messed-up#ctb lore#ALSO the reason why Faovarians in general were going to be russian coded is SO STUPID that I don't even want to mention it. like it's super#embarrassing and I'm a little ashamed that I almost did a whole plot point about it#ALSO I know that Greek and Roman is not the same and there are people who will be mad that I conflate the two#but consider this: I do not care
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hey!! I’m in ed recovery but what do I do if I don’t think I’m “bad” enough to recover?? I don’t think I was ever clinically underweight so can I even identify with the ana (or, recovering ana) label? I feel like I can’t recover until I’m properly validated as sick. do u have any tips on how to combat this feeling? tysm, I love ur blog!
Hey! Thanks for the ask <3 I know exactly how you feel. Yes, being underweight is a symptom of anorexia (a *big* one, for whatever reason), but the way I think about it, if a fat person was anorexic, they may not "technically" qualify, but that doesn't make them any less anorexic. You don't need to be underweight to be an ana (although some of them may tell you otherwise, do not listen to them. So many anas are in a very unhealthy headspace where they tell people they need to be sicker, which is frankly not true.) If you feel like/know you are anorexic, you are sick enough to recover. Why? Because if you didn't feel that way, there would be nothing to recover from.
Let me say this to you really quick: You are valid in your disorder. You are sick enough. I'm sure you've heard this before, but people who aren't sick don't think the way we do in terms of needing to feel "sick enough" in order to heal. This is another way our disorders trap us in this endless cycle of harmful behaviors. We convince ourselves we're not sick enough, and we only get worse in the process, which doesn't do any good.
To help with those thoughts, you could write them down whenever one pops into your head. For me personally, when I see my thoughts written down, they become more real. So if I see "I'm not sick enough" written down in front of me, there's a high chance I'll go, "woah, why would I ever think that?". I know everyone is different, so you may need to try something else.
You could talk to someone if you're able to (if you can't get a therapist, try talking to someone who doesn't have an ed because their point of view is so different *only if you know they'll be supportive and won't just tell you to eat*). I say get a person without an ed because I remember telling my younger sibling about certain things having to do with my ed, and they'd always think it was so odd. To them, rules around food are ridiculous. Hearing them say "you want to look like them?" or "I'm eating the same thing, and I'm okay." is so reassuring because it seems so well intentioned and wholesome. They've always encouraged me to eat, especially the foods they know I love. Their point of view always puts my ed related problems into perspective because they have a healthy relationship with food.
If you don't want to do that, you could always just try affirming yourself. Any time your ed voice is really getting to you, you could try saying, "I am sick enough. This particular thing is bothering me so much because I'm sick. Xyz wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have an ed." If you don't believe that right now, that's okay. Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it.
And one last time, just for good measure: You are sick enough. If you weren't, you wouldn't be worried about it. You can do this, I know you can. You're strong, and you can beat this disorder.
I wish you nothing but success and happiness in recovery, love. Have a great day/night ♡ And feel free to reach out again if you need to talk!
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[ kuroo tetsuro x reader ] ᝰ in which you and kuroo became strangers again but with memories. great sweet memories (fluff if u squint & angst)
warnings・none
w/c ・753
song of preference to listen to while reading this
kuroo tetsuro.
he was the boy you had fallen in love with during your second year. your friend had dragged you to go to a volleyball game with her since she didn't wanna go alone. you tried to refuse, using the excuse that you had homework even though you had already submitted all your assignments that needed to be done, and had any homework that needed to be done was finished and ready to be turned in.
she got her way, and was able to drag you along. before the game started, you noticed a certain boy with bed head like hair staring at you. you tapped your friend on the shoulder deciding to ask her who that was, "hey, do you know who that dude in the #1 jersey is?"
"that's kuroo tetsuro. he's the captain of the team, he's cute isn't he?" she nudged your side, as you observed him a bit. "why'd you ask?"
"oh nothin', he was just staring at me and i wanted to know who he is." you sighed.
your friend oooo'd. "he thinks you're cute!"
you gave her a look, where your eyes screamed 'you're crazy'. she shrugged and returned her focus to the front.
you staring at kuroo went unnoticed by you.
but not from him.
right before the game started, he looked at you staring at him and waved at you with a smile. you smiled and waved back at him to be nice.
what you didn't know was that 'little nice jester' would turn into a broken 2 and a half year long relationship.
after the game, he had gotten your number and your friend was fangirling over you two dating and teasing you. you rolled her eyes at the words, thinking you and kuroo would never date. and the exact opposite happened 2 months later.
after two months of texting, talking, and hanging out in person, you had both caught feelings for eachother. and eventually, you asked him out and to your surprise he said yes.
once you two started dating, you were basically inseparable. you had went to all his games, went on the cutest dates, snuck through each other's windows during summer nights, homework dates 24/7 meaning him always helping you with your math, and even going on a few trips together.
your parents loved him. they thought he was a very good boyfriend, and thinks he treats you how you should be treated. they also thought he was respectful to them, and treated your little siblings like his, and got along swell with your older brother. his parents loved you as well. they also thought you were respectful and a kind person.
out of your entire 3 year relationship, it was only the last 2 months of you two's relationship where it went to shit. the last 2 months were filled with arguments and ignoring each other. the last argument you two had is when you decided that this relationship is just gonna get worse if you two didn't take a break or just break up.
he was your first love, and you were his first love so you two were avoiding a break up for as long as possible.
summer after you two graduated, you both decided that the break up was well needed. and once they're ready to get back with each other, they'll find each other. in which they never did find each other again.it took you two to get over each other. until eventually, you both stopped seeing each other around, and found different people in college and slowly forgot about each other.
sure, there were times you still have brief flashbacks about the relationship. there were other times you find yourself thinking about your past relationship with kuroo and wonder what it would be like if you and kuroo found each other again.
you knew it wouldn't happen though. and you were perfectly fine with that. you had moved on, and was in a healthy relationship with someone new.
he thinks about it sometimes too. he has memories of the two of you swirling in his head every now and then. but he feels no emotion of it other than relief. he's relieved that he was able to get over you.
every now and then you both miss each other but then get occupied with your new lover or a hobby.
you and kuroo had went from strangers, to lovers, to stranger again. except it's different this time.
you two have memories.
﹫riiintaros orginal work. do not copy.
#kuroo#kuroo tetsuro#haikyuu kuroo#kuroo tetsurō#kuroo angst#kuroo tetsuro imagine#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo tetsuro x you#kuroo tetsuro drabble#angst#angst with a sad ending#haikyuu#nekoma high#haikyuu x reader#short
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hey i saw a post where you were talking about ships.. Uh.
callie x agent 3.
discuss.
please..
we need all the exposure we can get there are 5 of us.
we are very lonely.
NO BUT LIKE I LOVE THIS SHIP
ALONG WITH 4 X MARIE
LIKE IVE SEEN CALLIE AND AGENT 3 ART BEFORE AND ITS LITERALLY SO GOOD
i didnt wanna mention idol x agent ships in my post cuz sometimes ppl get all defensive about it like "erm well actually the agent is canonically a child and-" shut up. shut. up. they are whatever age you want them to be. they are literally a self insert for the player. plenty of ppl have agent ocs who are adults. it just varies from person to person and their headcanons.
but then i got an ask (that i already deleted) accusing me of being a proshipper bcuz apparently 3 x neo 3 is problematic bcuz its "power imbalance?" and like.. ig yeah that could be an issue irl w ur boss taking advantage of u. but like..... thats.... clearly not what im talking about???
so may as well discuss idol x agent ships as well lol
3 x callie is like. top tier. its so good. like you just know 3 and callie would goof around together. especially the splat 1 version of 3??? like their dynamic would be top tier. and i just know 3 would whisper stuff to callie and they would giggle about it and refuse to tell anyone else what they are laughing about. and i am always a rarepair enjoyer. like. its so good. (i ship callie x marina x pearl so you know im masochistic when it comes to my ships)
AND 4 X MARIE??? i know this one is a bit more well known but i love it. i dont know if i would ship my main agent 4 with my main interpretation of marie, but like another version of them? yes. it works so well. marie is literally in love w 4.
BUT OK ANOTHER RAREPAIR: 4 x callie. i know everyone loves 3 x 8 cuz blah blah 8 beat up mind controlled 3. but ??? 4 beat up mind controlled callie and we got NOTHING from the fandom. im mostly a 4 x 8 shipper at heart but this is another one i rlly like. i just know 4 would try to show off by picking smth heavy up or doing some cool trick only to fail miserably. and callie would be able to do it first try.
and i have even more opinions on different idol ships and combos but uhh thats for another day when someone wants to listen to my ramblings lol
anyway in conclusion i love rarepairs and pretty much every splat ship so yeah feel free to talk to me about them any time. i love figuring out character dynamics and all that. also everyone has such good designs everyone looks good together. also just like. non romantic pairs as well. like ppl who have sibling dynamics. ppl who are clearly in a qpr. ppl who are besties. apprentice and mentor dynamics. i just think every splat character is so interesting on their own that pretty much every combination is top tier. and like. things dont have to mutually exclusive when it comes to relationships. im a multipshipper.
and i think the same goes for other dynamics. like in my mind one version of neo 3 and 3, 3 sees neo like a younger sibling and spoils them and doent want what happened to 3 to happen to neo. in another version 3 sees neo like a younger version of them and tries to toughen them up and neo sees it as unfair and there is angst while 3 has to confront everything they went thru and if it was even fair for them to have gone thru it. cuz in their mind ofc its ok to do this to neo, its what 3 did to become the way they are. in another version they are just besties. in another version they are dating. in another version they have a competitive love/hate relationship and argue a lot about whos better.
LIKE THINGS DONT HAVE TO JUST BE ONE WAY!! i like exploring different stuff and seeing everyones takes on them!!!!!
so yeah come talk to me about splat characters im very normal i swear :)))
#splatoon#splatoon 3#agent 4#callie#marie#agent 3#i literally have no clue what the ship names are for any of these so uhno tags for that ig lol
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mini for ask game!!
ohoho yes!!!
favourite thing about her: everything. she's perfect.
least favourite thing about her: how she only got one chapter in her pov- alright FINE i'm biased but honestly i can't think my least favourite about her. it's just my personal opinion though.
favourite line/quote: "while you may be a prince, i'm a demigod. so remember who's the boss." (i'm just paraphrasing here, but the quote is from cog)
brOTP: while her relationships with her sisters are GOD-TIER, my fave brOTP is her relationship with aiden. tired grandma duo ftw. (they literally share matching tired, "why-are-they-like-this" looks, c'mon, that's so Sibling of them)
OTP: mindy
nOTP: uhhhh i don't really see any ships for her besides rudy? but once i saw a fic that shipped her with aru and was like, "yeah, no, i'm outta here"
random headcanon: she dyed the tips of her hair purple (yes, dawn, u are SOOO original), and the look stuck. once threatened a man because he was mean to a stray dog. the man got scared. gets her hoodies stolen. is banned from brynne's kitchen.
unpopular opinion: hm..... i think we deserved more of mini's backstory. like, yeah, she comes from a stable family but i would pay actual money to see more of her inner psyche. how her brain works. her family dynamics. it would be soooo funny (actively planning on inflicting trauma)
song i associate with them: not my own discovery, but i read a post that once said that "this is me trying" is a mini song (i think alice made it? not sure) and that stuck with me. every time i listen to "this is me trying" i think, "this is her song!!! my blorbo's!!! THIS IS HER SONG!!!!"
favourite picture of them: there are none, besides her official art and her art of with brynne, so i guess that? but in FANART.... ooohohohoh
first, there's @burntchickennugget2468 's "love letters from rudy" post which i think about frequently. (narrator: "she thinks about it all the time")
then, there's @silverstarssart's "angel of death" art that lives in my mind rent-free (an au is forming in my head) AND there's her mermaid art AND her art of mini kissing rudy on the cheek.
bcn's and silver's arts are exquisite (i have no knowledge about art but i know this much lol) and every time they post i am whipped into a frenzy that makes me want to chew glass and break my phone. so, yeah, i love any fanart that features my girl :)
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hi i see u blogging abt fhis “the left hand of darkness” and i am intrigued…. would u recommend it to me, a random stranger? (sidenote i am kinda bad at reading so would u say its a difficult book)
omg.. So i love The Left Hand of Darkness so much .. The gist of it is, the protagonist, Genly Ai, is a man who travels to this world inhabited by humans to convince them to ally with an interplanetary alliance with other worlds inhabited by humans. The people on this planet have only one sex, and therefore no concept of different genders. If you want an interesting sci-fi novel that really makes you consider how gender in society affects a Lot of things (perception of others, expected behavior and social norms, etc) and how the protagonist struggles to unlearn that, its good for that. It also examines the ways cultural differences may be untranslatable and create many barriers, but similarities, connections, and bonds can still exist. Its very interesting.. IDK theres a lot I could say. It was a beautiful and unique book and Ursula K Le Guin has written a lot of amazing things.
As for whether or not its difficult? I think it depends on what you may find difficult? Its very densely packed with information, a lot of it is information on the planet's cultures that the protagonist finds himself on. But if you like Learning Things, I don't think its bad? But i know some people prefer more action (tm). I have ADHD so personally I listened to the audiobook while multitasking because my ability to actually Sit and Read is.. lacking.. So if you think that may help you, maybe look into that option too?
I DO recommend The Left Hand of Darkness however I can't in good conscience recommend it without giving a trigger warning for an aspect that is relevant to the story; In this society incest between siblings is only partially taboo, and only is forbidden/becomes taboo if the relationship results in the birth of a child. This is relevant to some folklore from the planet as well as one of the characters' history.
I literally have no idea why people don't warn for this when they recommend the book, because some people, myself included, are really triggered by that kind of shit. Luckily I was able to keep reading because i DO believe this book is amazing and life changing, but coming across that abruptly with no warning was almost enough to throw me out of it completely. 😭 its neither portrayed in a positive light nor a light that condemns it, but there is a very plot relevant character who has faced the consequences of this taboo so it is mentioned a fair amount in relation to him.
tldr yes i would recommend it but if that is something that will trigger you just be aware of your own limits
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Hmmm well I’d love to hear your thoughts on those topics but yes guess I was flirting 😅
oh and um in terms of recs, you should check out the album hiding places by Billy Woods or Brass by Moor Mother & Billy Woods.
If you want a song to check out first, I’d suggest “the blues remembers everything the country forgot”
Will check out the album u mentioned as well
Thanks :)
I listened to the song but haven't listened to the full albums yet. Thanks for sending the specifics :)
I do have a tendency to be longwinded on my blog, although as a conversationalist I am much more balanced. That said, you have implied your interest.
My recent thoughts about love and friendship and loneliness have all settled around trying to be okay with what being single requires of someone in their midlate 20s. I don't really have a best friend these days--my friends are either married and justifiably focused on their partners, or we aren't necessarily close enough to be each other's person. So I have to be very creative with finding and treasuring love.
And it's just hard to go through this world without a person, whether they be a sibling, parent, lover, or friend. To know and be secure in the truth that you are their first call and they are yours. To feel love for and from someone every day, at any given moment. To know that support is there and reciprocal. Without ambient loving, if you will.
I've had friendships and relationships in the past where someone has been my first call, but I'm not theirs, and those are hard relationships to sustain for both people involved. I set myself up for loneliness and perceived rejection that wasn't anyone's fault but still hurt. I eventually realized it wasn't really fair to them or to me, and I made my peace and adjusted to a new normal.
So I'll say that I'm looking forward to finding my person, although I don't know what that relationship will look like yet. I'm okay with being alone. But I also remember a fragment of a poem: "I can't breathe around the hope lodged in my chest"
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PARAMAY DAY 13 (CREATION)
*inhales* oh boy, here we go…
Claypso was created on January 12, 2018, the day/day after I had seen the movie “The Greatest Showman”. It Unlocked something in my brain because the MOMENT I got home I pulled up Pinterest & started looking for inspo to make a Cool New ~*Self Insert OC*~. I can't really remember my exact thought process (who knows wtf 14yo Luka was on) BUT I do know I specifically made Calypso to represent "me". I would then joke for the next 2ish years on how, despite this, I made Calypso a boy when I identified as a Cis Girl. Idk I just find that fact so funny now that I’m nonbinary. (In the same vein, I also made him confident/proud of his bisexuality when I still had no clue if I was bi or not. We love projecting onto our own ocs/paras <3).
Calypso is the parame I remember actively making, thinking, "this Character is me but runs a circus" (I had just seen The Greatest Showman so inspo was strong there lol). Which is funny, because if you look at Cali, then look at me, I don't think you'd think/realize that?? His personality is very much…the opposite of mine lol. I am not a super cool extrovert that has multiple friend groups and goes on odd adventures. I’m on tumblr participating in a month-long oc challenge. Clearly something went wrong /j.
Uh. I made him at a time when I was questioning if I was Bi or not (I mean i was a freshman/starting highschool. Do any of us know who we truly are then?) so I kinda projected that into him??? In all honesty I feel like he should fall somewhere on the aro spectrum as well, since I'm aro & that's important to me, but I want it to evolve naturally if it at all happens so I won't entertain the idea just yet.
Funny enough, homeboy has always been a homeboy. Er, what I mean by that is, even tho I made him based off of me/representing me, having him be a (cis) male was one of my first decisions for him. At the time I wasn't 100% sure why, maybe I was influenced by the movie, which had Hugh Jackman star/play as PT Barnum, both males. But uh *looks @ nonbinary flag* I think there's a reason why now. Also part of the reason he's so feminine / """girly""" I guess. Tbh I probably projected into him a lot more than I realize (coughdaddyissuescough) but he is my parame & started out as a paraself, so it's fair.
Oh wow I haven’t even gotten into the original version of his story yet. It’s honestly not that different from how it is now, with a few minor differences. Originally, he was just the circus’ ringleader and died trying to save Clairette from a lion attack. The time loop was because he was the son of Persephone and Morpheus (yes..the greek gods…they were a thing in this once) so I think Persephone allowed him to be a Poltergeist?? OH and Macbeth was his half brother which made their relationship kind of sad because Cali genuinely wanted a sibling relationship but Macbeth just wanted him dead (Macbeth is a Reaper and his job is to collect Souls Cali is literally a lost soul do u see the problem here).
The VR stuff was always canon (except for that brief period of time where I got insecure and it wasn’t and everything was just their normal life which made things less confusing but also there was literally no plot lmao). Idk what else to say uhm fun facts:
His default playlist is a little over 8hrs long and is currently the longest playlist I have on Spotify (that I listen to. My instrumental playlist is a little longer but tbh I rarely touch it).
He used to have gold eyes. They were quickly changed to blue and got shifted into the turquoise they are now! In addition to that, his first design used to have him wearing an actual ringleader outfit. He also used to have black hair, then light purple, and finally the dark purple it is now. In total he’s been through roughly 7-8 redesigns.
Cali is combined with a previous character, Anthony Morningstar. Anthony was inspired by Pride!Roman (an AU of Roman Sanders from the webseries “Sanders Sides”) and is the reason Calypso is now a prince! I scrapped Anthony because I had no idea what to do with his character and felt like him & Cali were too similar to really justify them being different people.
The tarot cards that represent him are “The Magician” and “Page of Wands”.
“A Million Dreams” from The Greatest Showman is his theme song.
....this is all probably Too Much. hm. have the first drawing of Cali I ever did (it is from 2018 😞)
#paramay#paraportal#luka.txt#console: phantasmagoria#game: im not the one#game: dreamset circus#calypso raymond
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🌃 intro post! 🌃
(bit late but i didn’t want a cluttered bio anymore so here’s this)
hiii im shay! i fixated on mash back in november and i officially finished it on march 22nd 2023!! im gonna rewatch soon tho
about this blog
this is a side-blog!
tags: i tag pretty extensively for the sake of categorization; here’s hoping my character tags prove fun to scroll through!
queue: as of the day i’m writing this, i have a very full queue, because i have a habit of liking literally every post i see related to a fixation, and then spam-queuing it later to clean my likes out. so i hope you enjoy all the content! lots of funny scenes and textposts, well-made gifsets, wonderful fanart, and insightful meta, if i do say so myself. mashblr is a talented bunch!
original posts/content: i don’t contribute much on my own, but i love to ramble and i hope some of my lengthy tags prove an interesting or at least entertaining read :) i do dabble in fanfic writing and i’ve got a few mash works in my drafts, but i’m not sure if they’ll ever see the light of day. i’m also fond of meta and character analysis, so if i ever work up the courage maybe ill put out some moderately thought-provoking posts in that realm.
some of my opinions relating to mash characters & ships can be found under the read more!
these are all subjective and i completely respect anyone who disagrees :) we’re all here to have fun!
summarized thoughts on the characters (kinda sorted by fav to least fav)
mulcahy has been driving me bonkers for months (and my jewish ass has been putting far too much thought into catholicism lately bc of him😒)
frank,,,, listen. i’m sorry. but listen, as baffled and/or disgusted as you are, i’m the mf stuck being the only one in this entire fandom who flails over frank burns. so how do you think i feel. ik he’s absolutely awful, but he’s just so damn pathetic, i can’t help but like him and find him fascinating
radar is a bubby to me, i dont rlly have complex thoughts on him hes kinda just a comfort character to me n ilhsm
charles... he snuck up on me. i didnt expect to like him, much less relate to him (-_-) i just exposed myself as a charles winchester kinnie how will my reputation recover
i love hawkeye a lot, as we all do <3
i love trapper john mcintyre!!!!!!!!!!
i love margaret!!! i love klinger!!! i love henry!!!
im pretty neutral on potter and bj
in short: i love them all a lot but mulcahy and frank have each driven me particularly mad in different ways and radar with his animals has made me cry and charles would probably drive me nuts if i let him but i am keeping him at arm’s length.
summarized thoughts on ships (again, strongest first)
(yes i have frank ships. no i am not proud of it)
my mash otp is hawkahy. it’s been slowly draining the remainder of my sanity. i havent slept in months. send help
i am a sucker for enemies/rivals to lovers and hawnk kinda makes me a little nuts.
i know he’s not good for her but i think margaret x frank have a rlly interesting relationship and they can be cute sometimes, and i think about them more than i’d like to admit. i am not immune to het ships consisting of badass women with control issues and their toxic pathetic purse-dog boyfriends.
henry x klinger is literally canon idc
pierceintyre... ;-; hh
i love semi-niche trapper ships. trapcahy is a little bit 👀 and i really like trapper x margaret
hawkeye x henry... shh...
bonus trios i think about sometimes😳: hawkeye x margaret x frank, margaret x frank x flagg (SHH), hawkeye x trapper x mulcahy. do u see my evil vision
aaand some platonic dynamics i particularly enjoy
mulcahy & klinger are besties :)
mulcahy & margaret have a sibling dynamic that i absolutely adore, esp in the potter seasons, particularly the later ones.
charles & margaret are a fun duo. the ship tease they did a little was... idk how to feel about it, but i like them as buddies.
margaret & klinger... the girlies
hawkeye & klinger!!! the el jibbities are flocking together..
hawkeye & margaret :)
i do very much enjoy hawkeye & bj’s friendship
not friendship but charles & mulcahy’s animosity is sooo funny i will never tire of it
notps: klinger x charles, and hunnihawk. do not doxx me.
i think thats all for now. enjoy my nonsense!
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.desktop theme sidebar credit.
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reading process: chapter 177 (I have been putting off this post cause i can tell im in the good shit and its all so thematic and delightful but if i dont make it now i never will and it will be a super segment next time)
Reading highlights (i cant read my own writing edition!)
157 now in a dad spotting mood. kdj encouraging sys about her grades
yoo mia(!!!) teasing yjh about kdj. yjh facial expression truther (looking happy when speaking about kdj)
the 3 fates use big data?
kdj WILL be killed by the person he loves most!!! (mostly wrote that down to indicate my gleeful cackling)
158 LGY baby boy baby. kids and breaks!
Kdj and Jhw are such bitches to each other i love them
reinheit.... von lohengramm yeah okay got it buddy
oh ur 800 years old it would be some bullshit like that
rvd is sooo handsome. at least 2 yjh
a permanent institution cannot exist. yes kdj i love u kdj
161 kdj doesnt date. fateful meetings ONLY. okayyyyy
jhw emotional sword moments. kdj famed peptalks
LGY: dad ABANDONED US LJH: uh. okay -> sibling mischief ensues
162 ACAB
Hankim girls trip weekend
(this note is atemporally placed) KIM DOKJA LOVE
164 the absolute good constellations are cowards
kdj peptalks Always come in clutch
165 oh to be carried by ysh as she descends like a beautiful woman
167 The kids!!! stay strong!
breaking the sky sword this was the road of the sword that broke the sky -> kuzcos poison
168 crying at this wounded monster and also themes and metaphors
yjh and kdj are the same with there cryptic plans (this was nearly illegible)
168 kdj moral rethinking disease (yjh has it)
AH! AH! Double identity stuff. name sharing. doing something nice for the guy that has scrambled your brains.
169 jhw describing ysh beauty -> smth you would like to share ma'am?
lgy the good child he is being like. hey. non het romance love exists. hell yeah little dude. poggers as they say
-> (crying because he cant think of a reason kdj should love him) NOOO his emotions are too big for his little body
yjh: i do not want to find out the answer to this question GOODBYE
ah. the speed run dress. i see
170 if you read it again. it will definitely be a different story. god. okay. okay. jesus. okay
hsy power: you cannot create the semblance of a human without it in some way. being human
ah. his mom again. it just could be that way
"its the most complicated relationship in the world" cheers bitch
172 just rolling in kdj and his mom fight
i could have sworn you used up that sky disk 100 chs ago but whatever
173 Gasp. garlic eating
"i let u die to save ur dick bro!!!"
20 years. jesus
OH FUCK MEET THE PARENT TIME. oh my god
yjh: kdj will be my compainion mom: arent you like a horrible person? Yjh: why is your family like this
double whose gonna kill our guy twist
175 yjh: i guess you mother doesnt like me. -> is that a JOKE. are you cracking a (gay tinged) joke to cope buddy?
176 "It was a distance that could be crossed, but I could never reach her. It was the same in prison and even now. this had become our distance"
guh. hes gonna listen. even if it hurts. even if it changes him
IM GOING TO ATTACK AND DETHRONE GOD
dohyuk moments against a backdrop of cthulu ass boss fight
kdj can look cool as hell when he wants to i guess damn
Cheok Jungyeong: Solidarity Forever 🎶
"i wont let you die" AHHHHHHHHH
rotating: oh god i specifically was trying to group this segment for parental vibes and themes and now my brain is mush. i need a second notebook maybe... (rereading a bit) okay something like. obviously. goes without saying. kdj is the most unreliable narrator in the world. and clearly there is more to the story, she was literally about to say it before... god stuff. but ill just note out the things i was grabbing so far. the question of how to raise a child in the apocalypse. clear with lgy and sys (like extra extremely so). and lesser with ljh. often kinda. throwing them into the fire. (or a hole. with no explanation. thanks yjh). but also supporting them (literally the incarnation stuff. cant remember where line about 'one persons gaze can mean live or death' but yes. yeah). contrast. kdj mom with the childhood environment and the tone. i think its like. kdj is almost mad about the wrong thing. but its the hurt he has. not the one he may about to have. even if hes wrong about what his mother did (i literally dont know!!) well. it has to be said.
oh also the mother constellation! theres a fun parallel there. i mean. this is of course the novel of fun parallels but still. its um. weird ctuhul twitch stream version of making a deal with the devil (in the pale moonlight -> star trek ep that also has a guy get a guy to kill someone for the good of a state. huh)
also there was dokkaebi preschool. that just seems worth mentioning. and even dokkaebi egg sys
#some shit#orv blogging#line of navel gazing to on theme of reading and transcribing my own notes on fool with interjections as if i didnt write them#even the author becomes a reader ehhhh???#i never had a thesis but these parenthood thoughts made more sense this morning i swear. i had like. a trajectory#this is true delirious blogging im up way past bedtime#oh yeah and. reinheit. reinhartd. watch legends of galatic heroes. my command (long and involved military scifi anime)#(OLD! VERSION! not that new shit)#orv notebook
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✔ hifumi and doppo if u DARE >=)
Send me ✔ and I’ll bold what my muse would do with/for yours
Hifumi & Doppo
Acquaintance:
hold the door for them | help them carry something | let them borrow something | let them use their phone | smile at them when passing in the streets | shake hands with them (fistbumps because they're hip and cool like that) | flirt with them in a bar | share a taxi with them | give them a ride home | lend them money | sit next to them on public transportation | offer them some food | help them find something they lost
Friendship:
let them stay the night (oh my god they were roommates) | listen to them complain at 4 am | help them get over a break up | go out shopping with them | pet sit for them (please don't pick up strays he's not ready for pet parenthood) | help them move houses (house upgrade?) | help them find a lost pet | go on vacation with them | stay up all night with them | help them hide a dead body | provide an alibi for them | take their side in a break up | talk about their future plans | be maid of honour/best man/etc. at their wedding | share food with them
Lover:
let them stay after sex | gentle sex | rough sex | experiment | handcuffs | bdsm | whips | orgasm denial | aftercare | cuddles after sex | tea/coffee/etc. after sex | gentle kisses | rough kisses | passionate kisses | sloppy kisses | lazy kisses | hang out without sex | hide their relationship | cheat on them | cheat on someone else with them | dirty talk | loving talk | gentle touches | rough touches | nervous/shy touches | say “I love you”
Married/dating:
take them on expensive dates | pay for dates | make them pay for dates | go to the movies | put out on the first date | get an arranged marriage | stay at home most nights | cuddle in front of the tv | propose first | drop hints until they propose | give a big/expensive/elaborate proposal | have a quiet proposal | say yes to a proposal from them | have a big wedding | have a small wedding | elope | get married in Vegas | go on an expensive honeymoon | go on a cheap honeymoon | have kids | get a pet | move in together | laugh during kisses | laugh during sex | tickle fights | fight over who’s cuter | make them sleep on the couch after fights | make up sex | angry sex | no sex | let their parents stay over | let their family visit often | tell them “I love you” every day
Sibling/platonic:
fight | hug | laugh at them when they get hurt | help them hide a dead body | provide an alibi for them | tell them they’re annoying at least once a day | share food with them | help them move houses | walk them down the isle | try to sell them online | set up an online dating account for them | set them up on blind dates | try to set them up with your friends | listen to their problems | help them cook | cook them food (he'll do takeout) | make them watch shows they don’t like with them | tell them they’re an idiot/loser/dork/nerd affectionately
Enemy:
fight them | take petty revenge | kill them | try to smother them in their sleep | hire an assassin | work harder to beat them at something | follow their social media just to get mad about it | make passive aggressive remarks towards them | spread rumours about them | laugh at them when they get hurt | take pleasure from them being upset | ruin their life
#honeymoonparadise#eternal overtime || doppo#oh I DARE >=))#doppo: hifumi annoys the heck out of me sometimes#also doppo: if anything happens to him i will kill everyone in this room and then myself
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All the general, background, and Skyrim questions for Vulon >:)
(Or fewer if you'd rather asksjfnfn I know that's a lot)
Holy fuck lmao this is so funny bc I was LITERALLY trying so hard to just Pick A Few questions for your OCs instead of asking if you'd answer all the questions omfg. But if u decide 2 answer them all pls @ me I wanna SEE hehheehe >:3
(I'm loke a Little goofy from I'm Sleepy so like. Some of my answers reflect that sorry. Also this is SOOO long because I CAN Not shut up 🧡
TES Ask Meme here!
General:
1) Name: Vulonshulzaan, written out as Vulon Shulzaan. Serana calls it V.
2) Associated game/era: skywim BABEY
3) Age at beginning of game/relevant time period: Not quite sure how Altmer aging works but it's the equivalent of 26 when it gets into Skyrim bc that's how old I am :)
4) Race: Aw fuck I spoiled it XD Altmer! Hehe.
5) Sex/gender (bonus points if there's a cool answer): It's like if a guy was made out of explosions and hardstyle music but like a really slutty version. Boy toy. Male????? <- All ways it's described itself minus the hardstyle bit bc that isn't in Skyrim canon. But it should be. Listen 2 "Dragonborn" by Headhunterz (@ anyone reading this).
6) Sexual orientation/preferences: Gay. Into people that r BIG and MEAN and SCARY. Th fact that Lord Boethiah checks all those boxes is not an insignificant part of why it worships Them (I am only half joking).
7) Class (or a general description of their skillset): Battle mage, leans more on the mage side for the most part tho. Really Good At Sword though like it's a terrifyingly proficient swordsman just as it is a mage!
The rest of the answers will be under the cut!
BACKGROND!!
1) Is this character from their race's home province/territory? If not, what is their relationship with the region? Do they feel a connection to it?
It's from the Summerset Isles! But it had nothing but bad experiences there for the most part and feels very Weird about it or maybe grew up somewhere else i havent decided. It knows, logically, that its culture is from there. That it IS an Altmer. But it feels so, so disconnected from it all bc of its childhood and trauma and feels like it can't connect with it. It's quite sad about it and never really feels like it fits in anywhere while it's alive :(
2) Where did they grow up? A city? A village? Isolated, in the wilderness? What was it like to leave?
Man. Idk where specifically bc I don't go Too much into that with any of my OCs, but it grows up somewhere in the heart of Thalmor Bull Shit probably.
3) What was their childhood like? Who raised them? Do they have siblings?
UM. Bad. It's parents were very abusive and mean and kept it isolated from its peers. It only started learning about the world outside its bubble when it was around (altmer equivalent of) 12 or so, when it started sneaking out at night and doing who-knows-what. It didn't have any siblings either. :(
4) If they are an adventurer, why did they choose that life? Did they choose it at all?
It wouldn't call itself an adventurer but like you COULD technically refer to it as such. It wouldn't mind being called one tbh hehe. But yes, I suppose??
5) Do they worship any gods? Who? How do they feel about the gods in general?
YELLS EXCITEDLY BC I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS. SO!!! Vulon in its older teenage years began seeking out Knowledge from Hermaeus Mora, wanting to learn ways it could escape its parents thru magic and also cause som havoc. It very nearly became a proper Seeker, and possibly would have if it never got the courage to kill its parents! After that it became a sort of race between Mora and Lord Boethiah to see who could get Vulon first >:3 Mora's influence was already There, but Lord Boethiah saw potential in Vulon for more than just a tool to gather knowledge, and carefully found ways to nudge the world into guiding it to Them!
It has a deep respect and love for its Lord, and even while serving Them as Champion it respects Mora as well, however it never properly Worships Him. As for Gods n such in General it feels like they need to prove themselves to be worthy of respect to have it.
6) What are their interpersonal relationships like? Are they close with many people?
It's like, Incredibly Bad at socializing. It doesn't pick up on cues or tone well and isn't good at keeping conversation going. It's very awkward internally and hides that behind being loud and eccentric and sometimes A Little Mean depending on where it is. Most people find it off putting and it likes it that way! BUT there r a few people that stick around with it long enough for it to warm up 2 them and act a bit more chill. Serana is the main one! They're very close and she sees him as a cool older cousin type guy!
7) What's their relationship with their family like? Do they have one?
H. Bad, in terms of its parents. It has Serana tho, and Sissel (and Britte but they aren't As close. It definitely looks out and cares for her tho, that's still its kid), and it fought with the Dawnguard long enough to consider them its family. In death it meets Craig, an Ancient Falmer Champion of Boethiah, that it gets close to and in turn sort of ends up as Boethiah! Vyrthaal's 3rd parent! So it does have a family in the end, one it loves and cares for very deeply.
8) What guilds do they join? Are they committed to those guilds, or are they mostly in them for the benefits?
I dont think it joins any , unless is the Dawnguard a guild???
9) Are they a vampire/lycanthrope? Did they choose to become one? Would they reverse it, given the chance?
It's neither! Obviously not a vampire bc its Lord Boethiah's Champion but even without that FUCK Moldy Balls we hate that motherfucker!!!! And can't b a lycanthrope, again bc it being Lord Boethiah's Champion, and They're not close enough w/Hircine for that 2 be plausible. Vyrthaal tries 2 convince it 2 become one but like it's dead so it can't even if it wanted to/Hircine wanted it to.
SKYRIM SHUFFLE
1) Were they trying to cross the border? Why?
Ya!! To get to the Sacellum of Boethiah! :3
2) Do they follow Hadvar or Ralof? Why
Neither, but it gets into Helgen Keep to get all its shit back. Probably runs into Hadvar, who it probably kills bc its like really freaked THE fuck out.sorry Hadvar fans :( to be fair Vulon feels bad about it bc like, it doesn't know who the fuck that was!! It doesn't like Senseless killing.
3) Do they pick a side in the Civil War?
It does Not lmao
4) How do they feel about Tullius and Ulfric on a personal level?
It sees Tullius as a pawn for the Thalmor and therefore an enemy, but never interacts with him personally (lucky for him). It loathes Ulfric (for also being a pawn for the Thalmor) especially when it sees how cruelly the Dunmer are treated in Windhelm. Now that I'm thinking about it, Vulon might be really popular among the Dunmer in Windhelm--its Champion of Lord Boethiah and would definitely go out of its way to try and help them out. Kicks the shit out of the asshole harassing that random lady when u first enter the city (it doesn't kill him right then and there but it DOES kill him that night) as well as anyone he's friends with. But anyways it Definitely seeks out an audience w Ulfric to yell at him, gets thrown out but not imprisoned bc the guards are too scared to touch it. So he knows what it Is and that it hates him lmao, and probably is like a LITTLE afraid of it if he recognizes its Champion if Lord Boethiah??
5) Do they kill Paarthurnax? Why?
No, because Miraak kills him first. Had it been given the option though, it wouldn't kill him. Paarthurnax didn't do anything to it or the people it cares about, and on top of that he's changed greatly from who he was as Alduin's Bestie and can respect that. Also, Sissel knows about him??????? So like. It would want 2 tell her abt its new mentor lol. But for real Vulon would have respected Paarthrunax for realizing how fucked up he was and trying to make it right.
6) How do they feel about Delphine and the Greybeards?
It never gets a chance to meet Delphine, but it would hate how much she'd try to order it around and butt heads with her CONSTANTLY. But I don't think it would like, hate her???? It just wouldn't LIKE her or get along with her. I feel like in Theory if they ever fought together they'd make a good team tho, tbh. It also dislikes the Greybeards like, a LOT lmao it sees them as unhelpful assholes who Also think they get to boss it around for no fucking reason except it was given a Soul it doesn't want.
7) On a scale of 1-10, how much do they hate the Thalmor? The Empire?
The scale explodes because of how much Vulon hates em
8) What do they do at the war meeting? How does it go? Do they maintain neutrality?
It doesn't go bc it isn't able to happen hehe :') With Miraak being released from apocrypha to do whatever he wants the Civil War is put super on hold. Also High Hrothgar gets destroyed. So. There's That. :(
9) How do they feel about their position as Dragonborn? Do they embrace the role? Does it terrify them? Do they take advantage of it?
Oh it HATES it!! It makes it feel helpless and trapped and overwhelmed, something its felt all its life and finally thought it escaped. But. There's something exhilarating about fighting Dragons, and even more so about absorbing their Souls to feed its hunger for power. But that hunger only grows, and ultimately it scares Vulon. It knows it only has the slightest grasp on its mortality and is afraid of how much these Souls being absorbed by its own weakens it further and further.
10) Who do they marry? How did they meet?
It doesn't marry anybody, but it swears its Soul to Lord Boethiah and thats close enough♡♡♡♡
11) Do they kill Cicero? Do they regret their decision?
Ahhh so when Vulon was being made originally I did have it join the Dark Brotherhood, and it was best friends with Cicero!! They were brothers:) It never would have killed him!
12) Do they return the Skeleton Key? What are the consequences?
It doesn't get it, and honestly the whole Thieves Guild questline probably happens without Vulon even noticing:') It'd be happy for them tho if the Key is returned--if it Had done all of that it would have returned the Key and help make the Guild not suck but ultimately not want to be the Guild Master.
13) Saadia or Kematu?
Another quest it wouldn't go through; but it would likely err on the side of caution and help Saadia out after talking to her I think.
14) Which daedric quests do they do? Which artifacts do they use? What's their favorite?
Only Lord Boethiah's :3 It earns the Ebony Mail as well as Goldbrand, both of which it cherishes and respects very deeply, taking care of and using them all throughout the rest of its life and when in Oblivion.
15) Dawnguard or Volkihar Clan? If they choose the Volkihar, do they ever reverse their vampirism?
Dawnguard BABEYY!!
16) What's their relationship with Serana? How close are they?
Mentioned it earlier but they're very close! They're like cousins or smthn, n they look out for each other. Fun Fact, Vulon doesn't even take Serana to Harkon! It picks up Immediately on what an abusive monster he was, and tells her that she doesn't have to return to him and it'll even help her hide herself away. Obviously Serana doesn't believe it because that's the fucking Champion Of Lord Fucking Boethiah, Molag Bal's fucking RIVAL and also the Daedric Prince of Deciet and Backstabbing!!! But Vulon tells her about its own past, what it was like for it growing up, how terrible its parents are. How, Lord Boethiah's or not, it can't just bring someone to their abuser when it has a chance to get them somewhere safe. And after a night of travel together she asks Vulon to bring her to the Dawnguard instead, and the Quest continues pretty much the same from there, with the addition of more vampire attacks as Harkon knows Serana's Out There.
17) Thoughts on Valerica? Thoughts on Isran?
It isn't fond of Valerica but recognizes that she was a victim of Molag Bal and Harkon's just as much as Serana was. It helps get her out of the Soul Cairn on the condition she renounces Bal and cures herself of vampirism tho! As for Isran, it thinks he's neat :) Like, it actually respects him and its because he's a grumpy no nonsense bastard BUT he's still willing to listen to Vulon when it tells him that the vampire kid it brought in IS going to help them and this WONT fuck them all over. He also probably thinks its funny that Vulon joined the Dawnguard to kill vampires and only remembered that it's Prince and Molag Bal are super enemies like, Long after it fuckin' should have lmaooooo. Like he makes a passing comment about having half a mind to thank Lord Boethiah for sending Their Champion to help them and Vulon is like "huh????? What does my Lord have to do with this--OHHHHHH HOLY FUCK THEY HATE MOLAG BAL OH SHIT. WAIT HANG ON. LEGALLY I HAVE TO ASK THEM IF IM ALLOWED TO BE HERE" and the Entirety of the dawnguard (and Serana) are like "Vulon what the FUCK do you mean you didn't know you were getting in the way of the Princes' bullshit!!!?!????? Hello?????????????" And Serana probably smacks it upside the head Literally as it's trying to summon Lord Boethiah to Speak w/Them. Probably As it's speaking to Them. They probably ask her to smack it again.
18) How do they feel about Miraak? Is he a villain to them, or a tragic figure?
Oh man. SO. Lord Boethiah is the one that tells it about Miraak, and how if it frees him he'll take care of Alduin for it. So it gets into Appcrypha under the guise of wanting to make amends or something and just....yoinks Miraak out. Tells him that now he gets to prove himself once and for all and kill Alduin like he wanted to all those years ago. At the moment it thinks Hey maybe this guy will be alright.
So Miraak does it.
And then decides he wants to conquer all of Tamriel. And now Vulon is the only thing that can stop him.
I think though, that they could have been allies. Miraak wishes to be the master of his own fate, and that's exactly what Vulon is. The two of them are probably very similar, and I'm sure there are times where it wonders if they could have been close.
Thank u for sending all these this was really fun hehehe!!
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