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#like yeah i know they’re there to save lives (allegedly)

theredqueenandthebloodwyrm · 2 months

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I see we’re just reposting things without sources for some reason?? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s because the tweet used the magic word “Zionist” which is taken to be “irredeemably evil and vile person”. For context, the context which that tweet purposely left out (and yeah I’m going to say it’s fucking purposeful) is this article by the NPR. Inside this article the allegedly pro-Palestine posts on social media were fucking videos of the Hamas on October 7th. So, yeah if you’re reposting antisemitic stuff (blatantly antisemitic too), fuck you.

The images that came out of Israel on October 7 were brutal and graphic, and the images coming out of Gaza for months now are constant, also brutal and horrific. All this violence is being shared on social media, and as KQED's Lesley McClurg reports, that's affecting the mental health of Americans with loved ones in Gaza and in Israel. A warning - this story contains descriptions of violence. LESLEY MCCLURG, BYLINE: Some of the footage Shoshana Howard (ph) saw on social media months ago still haunts her. A video appears to show a Hamas fighter pulling an Israeli hostage from the trunk of a jeep. CNN aired a clip of the video. (SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING) UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Her face is bleeding, and her wrists appear to be cable-tied behind her back. MCCLURG: It looks like blood is seeping through the back of the woman's sweatpants. SHOSHANA HOWARD: And that broke me - and then seeing friends calling it liberation. MCCLURG: Howard, who is Jewish, couldn't believe people she knew were writing comments online that, to her, felt inhumane and anti-Jewish. HOWARD: That's when I started to have night terrors, and I was ending my days going into my closet and just would cry. MCCLURG: She couldn't stop thinking about her cousins living in Israel. As the days passed, it became harder to focus on her life and work in Oakland. HOWARD: Like, I just was so fragile. MCCLURG: And then recently, she felt shamed by a friend who told her her grief doesn't matter when so many Palestinians are suffering.

Is it “making the argument” to point out the hypocrisy of saying the Houthis (a terror organization) are protecting international laws and human rights when there’s documented evidence of Houthis perpetrating slavery, diverting humanitarian aid, and so on? Or you know, is it providing necessary context that readers might want to know?

And the comments below that tweet are awful (with a few exceptions rightfully pointing out accuracy of said community note and how slavery is in fact bad).

Antisemitic Tweet #1: This is what all community notes have become now. Total Zionist propaganda machine.

Antisemitic Tweet #2: There's been an influx of "community notes" that are clearly just people trying to protect the narrative.

Antisemitic Tweet #3: It's like the Israeli Bot accounts that change the community notes to favor Israel.

Already reblogged multiple posts explaining what's wrong with the Houthis with sources attached, so linking those now to save space (rather than adding ten different links).

This? This is what you say on October 7th, 2023?

Shaun: Lot of reaping being condemned by the sowers today. Shaun (cont.): I'm talking about politicians who stridently oppose all options except those which lead to violence and then act shocked violence occurs. Their condemnations of violence are worthless while they ignore their hand in the apartheid causing it.

October 7th was an attack against civilians where hostages were taken, people were murdered, people who advocated for peace were harmed, killed, and so on.

I also noticed a tweet not too far down from that one which said the following:

Lots of people in these comments very mad that Palestinians aren't being victims of occupation in the right and proper way.

No, people are mad about civilians being massacred and taken as hostages by a terrorist organization. The lack of empathy is something.

#antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #shaunvids #I feel stupid that I didn't know this until now

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teecupangel · 3 months

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Hi Teecup!

I hate to add to your pile of asks, but I've just started watching Star Trek TNG and it made me wonder... what about a AssCreed × Star Trek crossover?

To be more precise, the kind of crossover I'm thinking of is one where we take the characters of AC and mix them with the premise of Star Trek, so everyone is hanging out on a starship and getting dragged into random adventures on a weekly basis.

We can separate the Assassins and Templars into Starfleet and Romulans if we want to keep the fight between the two going, though I'm actually more interested in seeing a situation where there is no reason to fight so those factions no longer exist, and everyone is allowed to interact and make friends with whoever they wish.

Also since I want to keep the joke of isekai protagonist Desmond going, maybe he gets transported into this parallel universe after dying and finds himself face to face with the Star Trek versions of all his ancestors, as well as... himself?

As long as you don't mind the long wait to get to your asks, just pile them in my asks hahahaha

We do have this Q is Desmond’s real father idea before because William Miles’s voice actor played Q and that includes Desmond getting sent to Stark Trek ‘verse.

So for this one, we’re going for AC cast in Star Trek but with the caveat that Desmond gets transported there from his previous world just to annoy him (and probably save his life but he can never be sure about that)

For this one, I like the idea that the Templars and Assassins have finally buried the hatchet because one of the main point of Star Trek (especially the early ones) is that humanity managed to unite. Of course, we can still make some of the Templars Romulans if we want to preserve the ‘antagonist’ route but imagine Desmond’s “????” whenever he learns that Templars he knew as super bad news have formed relationships with the Assassins ranging from “I don’t want to ally with them but they’re good at their job” to “besties!”

Desmond would feel a bit weirded out when Ezio just sigh when he learned they would be allying with a ship that has Cesare Borgia as a high ranking officer. He knows that Cesare’s probably on their side but he’s curious why Ezio looked less like he wants to kill him and more like he’s already tired just thinking about dealing with him.

Then he learned the reason why Ezio looked like that.

‘Allegedly’, Ezio slept with Cesare’s sister, Lucrezia Borgia during one of their downtime in the Borgia’s home planet. And nooooo, this wasn’t a case of “You fucked my sister, you must die!” revenge story. That would not have been complicated enough for Ezio’s messy love life. The problem was… Cesare didn’t get to join Ezio and his sister. Yeah, that’s it. Cesare wasn’t angry at Ezio. He was trying to get in Ezio’s pants (“Of course, we’ll invite my sister”) and Ezio is just… he’s done. He’s soooo done with everything. Fuck being the primary communication liaison of the crew. He’s gonna hide in his room and call his BFF back in his homeplanet (there’s a bet going on if said BFF was “the one who got away” – No that was his childhood sweetheart Cristina- or the “he doesn’t know he’s in love with his BFF or vice versa”)

My primary idea for the crew and a little bit of sprinkled lore:

The name of the ship would probably be Aquila to hammer in the bird motif. Another sorta weird names would be names used to talk about a group of eagles like convocation or eyrie or aerie. Or just go for Alamut which some call “Nest of Eagles”.

Edward Kenway is the Captain. He can be Haytham’s father and Ratonhnhaké:ton’s grandfather, a humanoid with long life and a thirst for adventure. In this life, he’s drinking buddies with Alaya and is also friends with Roberts. To make it funnier, he’s actually John Standish’s godfather (who is the son of Roberts and Haytham’s childhood friend)

Haytham is the First Officer because the entire crew (including his father) lives to make his life stressful. He’s married to Kaniehtí:io and their eldest joined the crew. There’s joke of nepotism because of this but it’s all said in a teasing manner because the Kenway men gets the job done. He trained Charles Lee (and the rest of his Templar Order) when they were fresh new ‘graduates’ so they like to call him Master Kenway.

Ratonhnhaké:ton is the Navigator and is being trained to be the Helmsman by the current Helmsman Adéwalé. He can usually be found talking to Ezio or Aveline. He’s really good at combat so he mostly join offworld missions which is why…

Aveline is the second Navigator in case Ratonhnhaké:ton is offworld. She’s also their offworld liaison if Ezio is not available. Sometimes, she also takes over the Communications Officer’s jobs. The crew is not entirely sure what her actual job is??? (Her parents divorced and her mother is alive. She and her stepmother are close as well and her stepmother is the Captain of another ship)

Adéwalé is the Helmsman and he had been ‘sailing’ with Edward for so long that Edward rarely had to give specific orders. Adéwalé is already doing what Edward wanted. It gives Haytham a headache because ‘communication’ is important, especially for reports and such. Adéwalé takes Ratonhnhaké:ton under his wing and Ratonhnhaké:ton calls him Uncle Ade.

The Science (technically called Research and Development Department) Division is under Altaïr’s complete control and no Kenway can go against him. He wants to go offworld to research one thing or another, he’s joining the offworld team. He wants them to take a pit stop in one of the colonies or world for materials or something, the ship would change course. Desmond didn’t even question it when he heard of it. He just said “… yeah, that sounds about right.” and moved along. The funny thing? Altaïr isn’t the Chief Science Officer. That’s the long suffering Malik Al-Sayf. Altaïr’s official position is “Second Officer”. He has an academic rivalry going on with Robert de Sablé and he still sends letter to his grandfather who is a high ranking government official of the United Federations of Planet.

Ezio is the Chief Communications Officer and he’s always part of the offworld teams (unless something comes up). He comes from a long line of Starfleet officers. His siblings are stationed in other ships and his father is a member of the United Federations of Planet.

Shay is the Security Chief and it is the second most stressful job (after Haytham) trying to keep the peace and order of the ship (okay, that’s an exaggeration). Most of the time, he just makes sure everyone is okay and safe whenever shit hits the fan. He’s pretty chill and is Haytham’s drinking buddy. He still writes to his mentor Achilles who taught him everything and to his childhood friend who joined another ship Liam.

Arno is part of the Chief Tactical Officer and he has a close professional relationship with Evie and Altaïr mainly because those two takes care of weapon upgrade… and other… uuuhh… ‘stuff’ their missions might need. He has a fiancee who is a high ranking officer of Starfleet.

Evie is the Chief Engineering Officer and is Altaïr’s number one supporter. Edward once joked that if Altaïr was to mutiny, they would be fucked because Evie would be first in line in shutting down all the engines and any security procotol they have in place. Ezio would like to stress it was more of a ‘mentor and student’ kind of thing. Desmond learned that Altaïr also had his hands on the Engineering Department and is like “yeah, that tracks too.” Evie has a rivalry going on with Lucy Thorne and her twin would just comment that they should sleep together once and get it over with.

Jacob is usually the captain of the offworld team unless a higher ranking officer joins then he’s the vice-captain. Close to Arno because he’s always asking for new ‘toys’ to play with. May or may not have a son who may or may not be adopted called Jack. The crew isn’t sure if he’s Jacob’s son or his protege.

I’m missing a few more main characters and the modern day characters so uuuhh… they’re there, I just couldn’t think of a position for them XD.

(I kept their species vague so you can make them any race you want. I will suggest that Altaïr be half-Vulcan though because he feels very Vulcan-ish but, honestly, pick whichever feels right for you or what would make you go “you know what would be fun”? XD)

#isus are q's species in this one i guess?#oh god now i have to tag everyone XD #ask and answer #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed #assassin's creed #desmond miles #altaïr ibn la'ahad #ezio auditore #ratonhnhaké:ton #connor kenway #haytham kenway #edward kenway #adewale #aveline de grandpre #shay cormac #arno dorian #jacob frye #evie frye

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bohemian-nights · 1 month

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I’d like to in advance apologize for ranting it just seems to me that you may be one of the few people who actually like Nettles 😊. So I’m not gonna lie I was expecting more from the trailer(s). I mean I knew I wasn’t gonna get to see Nettles (I genuinely am obsessed with the idea of her being the only non-Valyrian dragonrider, I’m equally obsessed with stories in general when people (especially women) live in a society that usually counts them out or that they’re very low in the food chain in to becoming powerful + gaining agency and respect, and it heals my inner black girl when I see black women in fantasy) (anything to be honest because it seems as though we’re always done wrong either by narrative or fandom) (I’m also not opposed to her being a “witch” because if done properly it could be done in an interesting thing and tie into the magic that was used in the beginning to tie dragons to people) (though knowing this fandom they’d probably start coming up with their special “takes” about how she tricked/ r/ped Daemon into being with her 🙄 and will block you if you point out that’s the same thing they praise Alys Rivers for allegedly doing (I say allegedly because that’s awful and truly horrific and I hope neither Nettles or Alys are shown doing this) (speaking of Nettles and Daemon….🫠 lol I don’t really like Daemon (I’m 50/50 on book!Daemon mostly because I don’t get to know what he’s thinking which created a disconnect and I don’t like show!Daemon at all. He did a lot for a little in my opinion, and because I don’t know his thought process he just kinda comes off as a bit of a c*nt just to be one because it makes him “edgy” and a “bad boy” and while I don’t find Matt Smith unattractive he’s not exactly what I consider to be such a panty dropper that I can like Daemon) the age gap and power dynamic also raised both my eye brows but at the end of the day it’s fantasy, so different rules apply, and most importantly despite the discourse over certain (platonic, romantic, or sexual) aspects of their relationship it’s very clear that the two cared/loved one another) (anyway 🤞🏾 we’ll get her next season) but it seemed as though for the Team Green and Team Black trailers they just showed the same scenes in different order. And while there’s a lot more dragon action going on, it doesn’t feel like dialogue from different scenes forming a compelling trailer it feels as though multiple characters are just narrating I don’t know maybe I’m reaching. And personally I’m neither Team Green or Team Black but I still liked Team Green’s trailer more especially when Aegon (looking completely unhinged) said “to war then.” I don’t know I just remember thinking “he looks crazy as shit” lol. In general I’m kinda 50/50 with HOTD. I watched the first season because I like fantasy shows and at that point I had just finished up GOT and was getting started on the books. So having no prior knowledge to how it was gonna go it was entertaining enough. Then I read Fire and Blood (which interestingly enough I didn’t know was a history book….🫠) and was really invested in how they were going to adapt the actual Dance and I feel like I’m just getting into the ASOIAF fandom (steered clear of it back in the day because it seemed too unhinged) but it seems completely unhinged, misogynistic, racist, and really odd when it comes to the subject of blood purity.

Aww thank you and I don’t mind the ranting.

The Nettles fandom is extremely small, and I'm off in my little corner of said fandom because I think I’m the only Nettles fan who genuinely loves Daemon(which is fun).

He is a lot though and their relationship is somewhat problematic, but yeah you have to keep in mind that this is all just fantasy. And you can’t forget that Daemon does care for her and he is the one who saves her. The good ultimately outweighs the bad in their relationship.

That being said, Nettles is a fantastic character in her own right and deserves all of her props. And yeah it’s nice to see a Black girl in the medieval fantasy genre, but irregardless of race, she falls into my favorite category of characters for women.

Been through a lot, people doubt them, and yet they still overcome and get their happily ever after, sign me up 🙌🏽

As far as the witch thing goes, it could be interesting, but I find it cliché and ultimately demeaning and limiting. Not only because of the situation with Daemon(turning her into some Jezebel is a no-go), but it also takes away from her claiming of Sheepstealer. Instead of her wit she has to have used magic because there is no way someone like her could claim a dragon.

That would ruin the essence of a character that is supposed to show that it’s not our blood or some supernatural superpower that makes us, it’s us.

Honestly, I don’t think that the show will go this way with her character since they’ve already faced backlash for what they did with Laena, Rhaena, and Baela back in season 1. Playing into another trope with a Black-ish woman(voodoo mama Jezebel) will only make them look all the more like the racist jackasses they are.

Now for the trailer and upcoming season, It doesn’t spark any excitement within me. The show as a whole is just kinda meh(and the lack of Nettles isn’t helping).

HOTD is a far cry from the early days of GOT(which followed much more closely to the books). There is the issue that the show is based on historical text, but not everything in that was a lie like the show is trying to claim.

I don’t like the blatant whitewashing being done and then claiming they’re championing diversity and female empowerment while treating all their Black, particularly the Black-ish female characters, like shit.

Lastly there is the fandom. While racism and misogynoir are not limited to the HOTD fandom these fans really do act batshit insane.

I can’t take anybody who claims that a Black character should be cut because there are already enough Black people on the show then starts crying when they get called out for their racism and claiming they are being wrongly accused seriously.

And of course, we can’t forget the ones trying to save Nettles from the evil white man—while completely ignoring the one who tries to turn her into a hate crime statistic for the sake of the sisterhood…

(That is all I can say without being metaphorically stoned for not pushing Nettles under the bus for a racist white woman who tried to kill her so I'll leave it there, feminism am I right).

As I have said before, if I wasn’t already here I’d take one look at this hellhole, and a running I’d go, but alas. I am unfortunately invested in this circus so here I am 🤷🏽‍♀️

#bnasks #bnask #nettles #house of the dragon #anti hotd #yes I’m still bitching about this but until Nettles is on my screen I will continue to bitch about things🤷🏽‍♀️#dettles #daemon targaryen x nettles

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spurgie-cousin · 5 months

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I went down a reddit rabbit hole last night.

Jrod isn’t posting about Tim or Heidi per their request (boundary?) but Ellen (Heidi’s mom) is/can.

Engagement pictures came out recently and they are so normal and I mean that in a serious way. Like straight pinterest inspo posing. There’s a front hug and a pose where he’s hugging/holding her from behind. And it looks entirely natural. I have no snark for those pictures, they look truly happy and comfortable with each other. They’re wearing the same outfits from the proposal so there’s speculation that they were taken right after - so Jill was missing from the engagement and the engagement picture setup. Apparently she and David were either in Maine or Texas? I didn’t dig too deep on where they were. They weren’t at the engagement and nobody knows if that was her protesting the whole thing or they did it behind her back.

Around the time the pictures and video went up, Jill shared that she had been undergoing spiritual warfare. She shared all of the pictures other than the front hug and back hug and made some kind of comment about how Heidi’s ring wasn’t a diamond, which people think was unnecessary and that she’s mad that Tim got Heidi what she wanted and not what he wanted?

Jill recently posted a message from Philip, after his college visit, that “no girl will ever steal all of my heart from you” (or something like that) and there’s speculation that that was directly targeting Tim and Heidi.

Tim is/was apparently spending Thanksgiving with Heidi’s family? There’s a candid picture that was posted of them and he’s looking at her with what I can only describe as wonder and love at the same time (someone said something along the lines of “like a rescue dog that knows it’s been saved”)

Ellen made a post about them thanking Tim for being respectful and treating Heidi right - as opposed to how Jill would post that her daughters have servant’s hearts or something. Ellen also recently(?) posted a picture of her daughters praising them for being independent.

The Coveretts had some family photos done and included Tim. If I remember right, when the Rod son in laws were included in family pictures, it was either on the wedding day or when they were already married, but they were separate from the family? Was it Nathan and Nurie? Like they were there but not in the big group photo?

Ellen has been sharing some vague shade quotes on instagram (“stay away from the person who always makes themselves the victim” or something). Meanwhile Hallie was sharing very fundie shade specific things like skirt length holiness - people think it could be directed at her father since they apparently argued about clothing choices once before? But knowing how Jill is about modesty it could be directed at her. Apparently there was also a TT live where someone told Hallie to watch out for Jill and she was like “a lot of people have said that” but I think that was before Tim and Heidi’s courtship; during Kaylee and Jonathan’s pre-marriage.

Speaking of, apparently Ellen’s invite for Kaylee’s bridal shower had been lost in the mail and one of Ellen’s friends was like “yeah Jill isn’t responding to me either” about another missing invitation.

Ellen is in Jill’s downline for plexus, she’s Jill’s #3 seller. If Ellen stops selling, she can probably damage Jill’s overall income and rewards quite a bit.

It seems like with most fundies, the bride’s family is in charge of the planning. Jill will be left out, her only job will be just show up on the day of as the groom’s mom.

So it sounds like Tim, who Jill herself admitted that was her most difficult selfish willful child that they had to “correct until they were tired” (I’m assuming there was a lot of physical punishment), found someone to love him unconditionally and fiercely - Tim apparently described Heidi as feisty, so she herself may not be taking any of Jill’s shit and Jill’s on the attack. As a result, the Coveretts, who were allegedly warned about Jill’s antics since Jonathan started courting Kaylee, have circled the wagons in support of Tim and Heidi, and now Jill is spiraling because of how much control she’s lost in a short amount of time.

Just real quick while I'm thinking about the photos thing, I think what you're thinking of is after the Rod girls were married, Jill started separating them and their husbands/kids from family photos because now they are The Keller Family or The Hill Family, but the fiances were included in family pics before that.

Idk I could rant about it forever but overall, there are only so many people as insane as Jill and David out there even in their corners of Christianity. Jill has a long, long history of making enemies in even her own church communities because of her deep, unyielding self-righteousness, so it was really only a matter of time until they clashed with one of the kids' spouses and it doesn't shock me at all that it was the first female spouse (if our suspicions are true). I think Jill is the most critical and cruel towards women and I also think that makes it way more difficult for her daughters to 'escape' in this way (if that's what Timothy is doing) because Jill's interpretation of the Bible allows her to wield more power over them.

I don't want to seem like I'm letting the Coveretts off too easy because they were friends with the Rodrigueses for good reason, but they do seem a tad more open-minded, and honestly, I'll take what I can get for any of the Rodrigues kids if it means getting them out of the toxic, isolating world their parents have created. I hope Tim is able to finally find actual unconditional love and support with their family and is able to learn about himself as a person without being supernaturally punished for doing so.

And if he is spending this Thanksgiving with the Coveretts and not his family, good. I hope he does the same for Christmas and I hope the fact that he prioritizes time with them will somehow shake something loose in Jill to make her wake up (not likely but we can dream). Or at least that it's a good example for his siblings moving forward, like showing them that there can be a life outside of their parents' ridiculous standards and it can actually be good and happy, not miserable like I'm sure Jill has taught them it would be. Idk.

Anyway all that to say I hope Heidi IS beefing with Jill, I hope she takes Timmy and runs and I hope Jill has to suffer the consequences of her smothering, abusive parenting style. And that Tim, the Willful Child, gets to have the last laugh.

P.S. do we have a source for the invitation thing? Like where someone said "yea Jill isn't talking to me either"? Just curious

#heidi coverett #the coverett family #timothy rodrigues #jill rodrigues #jill vs. heidi

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wings-of-sapphire · 3 months

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Snow White rewrite

Hello loves, so I’ve been procrastinating this for a WHILE but I was like fuck it I’ll post what I have so far

Remember like fifteen years ago when I said I’d post my Snow White rewrite? Well, I want to get at least some of it out to get some traction going, especially since Disney’s live-action Snow White is coming out soon and I’m… intrigued to see how it goes.

Anyways, here’s my WIP rewrite— not finished, may be subject to edits later, I have reasons for what I’m doing trust me

Red as the Rose

A Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs rewrite (revamp? Idk)

Meet Snow Dysni.

Her stepmother is not the nicest person.

She’s never met her mother, as she died shortly after Snow was born, so she wasn’t exactly well-versed in motherhood knowledge. But she was pretty sure stepmothers aren’t supposed to kill you.

Some backstory.

Snow is the princess of the kingdom of Grimm. Grimmians are a wonderful people. At least, Snow assumes so. She hasn’t interacted with them much.

Her birth mother was allegedly murdered by an enchantress, and then her father sort of freaked out and banned all magic. All the neighboring kingdoms started to follow his rule, forcing all the magical creatures to go into hiding. Most fled to the Twists, a cursed forest full of the Wrathborne– nightmares come to life. Yeah. Magic, from what Snow has learned, isn’t the greatest.

But still, being cooped up in this castle all day isn’t really the life. Snow knew all the staff’s names by heart. But there’s no teens in the palace, and her only friend is this cat that roams the castle grounds sometimes. Snow named her Shanks. She brings Snow flower snacks sometimes.

It’s just meetings and being locked up in her room. Her stepmother says it’s unbecoming for a princess with such little social awareness to be among the people. Snow’s only meeting royals and nobles. Like today, a meeting with Isel, the eastern kingdom, and their prince, Florian White.

Snow talks with Florian. When he laughs, it makes something inside her bubble. Maybe he poisoned her.

Oh, no. He poisoned her!

The royal nurse clears Snow, though. I guess Florian can pass for now.

There’s also Huntsman, whose real name Snow doesn’t know. She tries to talk with him sometimes. He doesn’t really talk otherwise.

But one day, Huntsman tells Snow that he can sneak her out of the castle for a night. She agrees. Because obviously!

Huntsman takes Snow out to see the Grimmians. To see her people! Away from her stepmother. Queen Isla Grimhilde. Snow doesn’t know why her father puts up with her. She really doesn’t.

They end up in the Twists.

Snow asks Huntsman what they’re doing here.

He pulls out a knife and stabs her. Snow screams, blood splattering the floor. She hears a Wrathborne near, then something tackles the Huntsman. Probably. She can’t see anything, too blind from pain. White, searing pain. All she can think of is blood. Her blood.

Snow sees the Wrathborne fighting with the Huntsman. Snow gasps out in pain and starts to stumble away. She sees a cottage in the distance. She falls to the floor. She hears voices above her.

She passes out.

Snow awakens up to grumbling. Something about red on the sheets. She blearily opens her eyes. She see six noses poking out on top of the bedframe.

She tries to scramble up. Someone cries out. It took Snow a moment to realize it was her. Red-hot pain shoots up her back.

“Woah, woah, steady there!”

Snow stares at the man beside her. Er… child? Man the size of a child?

Oh. Dwarves!

“You’re dwarves!” she croaks out.

The dwarf laughs. He introduces himself as Doc, the eldest brother. He explains how their nephew found me outside, bleeding, and had to go, but notified Doc and his brothers about her. They treated her.

Snow tries to scream, but a hand claps over her mouth. Snow sees another dwarf in front of her. He looks like he wants her head.

“Quiet, lass! You’ll attract Grimhilde’s soldiers!”

“The heck I will! You’re illegal magicals! You should be arrested!”

“We saved your royal life! Show some gratefulness!”

Aaaanyways. The seven introduce themself. There’s Doc, the oldest and the kindest. Happy, who’s… happy all the time. Snow has a suspicion he may be on drugs. Grumpy doesn’t like her at all. Dopey— at least she thinks that’s his name… maybe it’s Mopey but that doesn’t seem right— is mute and signs. Snow unfortunately doesn’t know sign, so his brothers have to translate.

Uhhh there’s Sleepy. Mate, same. Sneezy… please stay away. Bashful Snow doesn't know much about, as he tends to stay away.

Apparently there was an eighth named Raspulstin or whatever… Snow wasn’t really paying attention. She’s too busy analyzing everything.

Magic was evil. Magic killed her mother. Magic is what creates the Wrathborne, the evil spirits of the Twists.

But these magicals… saved her.

#lol gonna edit the hell out of this later #idk #current wip #snow white #writing by sapphire #disney rewrites #snow white and the seven dwarfs #snow white and the 7 dwarfs #idk what I’m doing

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abyssruler · 2 years

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for the prompt suggestion:

"well, that was a bad idea..." or alternatively "well, that actually went better than expected..." with itto ?

“Well, that actually went better than expected…” you say with a smile, only for a stall behind you to erupt in flames. Your smile has never dropped so fast. “…Or not.”

Itto grabs your wrist, laughing as he pulls you along to escape from the soldiers of the Tenryou Commission. “C’mon, unless you wanna spend a night in prison!”

“You two! Stop!” Someone behind you shouts.

The two of you duck through stalls, sneaking through alleys and trying (and failing) to be as inconspicuous as possible, what with Itto’s general hulking stature and the ends of your clothes on fire.

Wait.

“Holy shi—”

“Language!” Itto admonishes, sounding very much like granny oni.

“My clothes are literally on fire!” You start jumping around, patting at the flames in hopes of snuffing them out and only succeeding in burning your hand. “I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die—”

“You’re on fire!” he yells.

“Yes, we’ve established that already!” Completely agitated, you continue flopping around like a headless chicken. He watches you with eyes as wide as saucers before looking left and right as if something magical will appear to help with your predicament.

The flames start to lick through the layers of your clothing, and you’ve never been more grateful that you listened to Shinobu’s suggestion of bundling up thick today. You silently mourn as your outer layer slowly turns to ash. This was your favorite yukata! (It was your only yukata, but no one had to know that.)

Itto distracts you from your panicking thoughts by bodily picking you up and running like his life depends on it. You instinctively clutch onto his shoulders. With your proximity to each other, you were now both on fire and still running for your lives from the Tenryou Commission.

And then he jumps.

“What are you doing—!” Water enters your mouth.

You push him away, raising your head and gasping for air. He emerges from the water beside you, boisterously laughing as he shook his head free from water like a dog.

“Whaddya think, pretty quick thinking on my part, eh?” He turns his face in your direction with a big grin, waiting for your approval.

Something floats in the water to your left. With slowly dawning horror, you look around you. Murky water, questionable things floating around, something squishy and most likely disgusting right where you’re sitting. It was… it was…

The smell hits you like a ton of bricks.

“You idiot! You brought us to the sewers!”

Itto raises his hands. “Woah there! No need to get so worked up. A guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do, and this was the nearest water I could find. Besides, I saved our lives, didn’t I?”

“There’s literally a canal just over there.” You point to said canal only a few meters away.

He waves his hand. “Psh! Sewer, canal, they’re all the same!”

“No, they’re not! I—”

“There you are.” A new, familiar voice enters the conversation. You look up, meeting the unamused eyes of one Kujou Sara. She starts listing the crimes you’ve allegedly committed, and you wince with every word that comes out of her mouth. Raising a hand, she gestures to the two of you sitting in the dirty sewer. “Arrest them.”

Itto begins to protest. “What? No! I was the one responsible for the fire, you only gotta arrest me!”

You face palm. “Itto, several people saw me light up that fire cracker inside the stall.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean—”

“Enough,” Sara interrupts. She then looks to the soldiers hesitating by her side. “Well? I ordered you to arrest them.”

The soldiers look at each other, the dirty sewer, and Kujou Sara’s quickly thinning patience, and decided that braving the putrid sewage water was better than facing the Tengu’s wrath. You and Itto are hauled off, handcuffed, and dragged to the police station. They at least had the decency to let you two take a shower before shoving you in a cell next to each other.

Well, it was probably a given that any date with Arataki Itto would end in one or both of you in prison.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #itto x reader #arataki itto x reader #gn reader #genshin drabbles #arataki itto #genshin impact #asks #anon #prompts

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localplaguenurse · 5 months

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I told myself to stop using social media because I have finals next week but I have the conviction of a sopping wet paper towel and I am deprived of nutrition.

Also I hate how some parts of the liyue quests(mainly chasm and Azdaha) was concluded but I’ll save that for last cause it’s wifey time.

Imagine wifey dying and becoming a restless ghost not like the malevolent kind but canonically souls who do not move on because of unfinished business or they haven’t lived fulfilled lives kinda just stay around? How do you think the ginko fam feels knowing that the reason why wifey hasn’t moved to the other side is because of them? Since souls who stay too long have consequences for staying at the material plane (side note but I am not okay at the fact that every single former wangsheng Director has never stayed behind and have always moved to the other side because all of them live fulfilled lives by protecting the living world from malevolent spirits and guiding restless ones to the other side…I can’t im not okay 😭)

Ok now onto the rant part feel free to skip :>

I. HATE HOW THE CHASM AND ITS IMPLICATIONS WAS CONCLUDED. In the chasm they attempted to humanise the Fatui to show that they’re not just moustache twirling villain (ok granted I haven’t played the Fontaine quests so my anger may be misplaced) LIKE LITERALLY one of the optional world quest you can take is helping a group of ABANDONED FATUI GET SUPPLIES BECAUSE AFTER WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LIYUE ARCBON QUEST THEY WERE ABANDONED DOWN THERE WITH NO COMMUNICATION AND NO SUPPLIES. Plus the Fatui in the chasm were literally there to help liyue with its development since signora was the one who set up the mining contract between the Fatui and the liyue Qixing. So the Qixing. With god whatever was going on in their head. Removed the surface Fatui officers from their posts and cut of supplies to the Fatui down below the chasm. I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN HOW FUCKING CRUEL THAT IS…. Yeah yeah sure Fatui killed your god(allegedly) so you’re justified in feeling angry at them… BUT TO LEAVE SEVERAL TEAMS OF FATUI DOWN THERE WITH NO SUPPLIES??? NO COMMUNICATION??!?? YOU WILLINGLY LEFT THEM DOWN THERE KNOWING THERE WAS MYSTERIOUS ABYSS SHENANIGANS?????? Yeah so by the time we get there we meet up with a team of Fatui to give them food and they explain to you that the Fatui down here are fractured since communication was cut from topside. And they’re still down there btw. It makes me sick every time I have to fight Fatui when I’m in the chasm… and also because of Fatui being left in the chasm to essentially die we also meet another Fatui cincin mage in a makeshift camp (which the traveller attacks first no questions ask I have so many gripes with how the game treats the Fatui) after defeating her she begs for mercy and said that she was with her brother when they got separated because the chasm monsters attacked and she asked can the traveller go and help her brother.

Seeing the bloody Fatui badge broke me, and when you give her, her brother’s items that he left behind she asked to be left alone (assuming to grieve) and said that the traveller is free to come later to talk to her since she won’t be leaving anytime soon. I really hate how the fandom and the game itself treats the Fatui like they’re a bunch of moustache twirling villains when the game also attempts to humanise them. Just… just pick one god damn it.

Ok now onto Azdaha. During his fight we discovered that the reason why he had eroded to such a state was because humans has drained the leylines of their elemental energy in other words they were literally hurting Azdaha and he attacked them in self defense in response to that Rex Lapis sealed him away citing erosion and breaching of contract. Because of this Azdaha was left to stew in his betrayal and he was still hurting while sealed away because again THE HUMANS MINED THE CHASM TO THE POINT WHERE THE LEYLINES ITSELF WAS DRAINED OF ELEMENTAL ENERGY. And the reason why this makes me so mad is because Zhongli doesn’t fucking question it… LIKE HELLO IS THERE A BRAIN IN THERE YOUR FRIEND LITERALLY TOLD YOU THAT HUMANS WAS HURTING HIM ANS YOUR RESPONSE WAS THAT THE AGE OF ADEPTI WERE OVER??????

I love Zhongli I really do but I cannot being to explain to you how much I despised him at that point which is great because it shows that it is along his character flaws and oh god I’m gonna cut myself off before I start about Zhongli

If you actually read to this point ily I’ve been holding this in for awhile 😭

Yeah I can see you were holding that in lmao. Don't worry worry I've got my own rants that I'm holding back on. Maybe one day I'll just go "fuck it here are my thoughts on love stage and they are Not Great and were Never Great." (Ohhhhh that is a can! A whole ass can of worms!)

I'm not gonna have the love stage rant rn because it goes into discussion of sexual assault but just know I am Ready to go off.

Anyways, I think the kids would have very mixed reactions/thoughts on Wifey as a ghost. Some, namely Feng, are happy to see them, but generally they all would feel a deep ache at the sight of them because... they shouldn't be here. It's nice they want to stay and watch over their children, but Wifey's done enough. They can go to rest now. Please, you can rest now...

#ask #as gold as the ginkgo trees #ivy!

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dont-take-me-home · 1 year

Text

Thoughts about the very lovely and satisfying Ted Lasso 3x06:

Rebecca

I remembered Rebecca falling into a canal in Amsterdam from leaked shooting photos and I’m very happy it’s not Ted who saved her like some fans wanted it to be. Actually, no one needed to save her, she just swam out like a grown-up. Good shit.

Houseboat Daddy can GET IT. What a hot dilf. And the complex, grown-up chemistry between them. Damn.

This man obviously represents everything Rebecca wants right now – authentic, reliable affection, warm homeyness and a family. I understand that they wanted to create a vibe of Rebecca taking a break from her real life to be this girly girl in a floral dress flirting on a houseboat, and then the break is over and she has to go back to her real life. But it’s a bit too romcommy for me that she just left without getting the guy’s phone number or even his name for no reason. The distance between London and Amsterdam is negligible if you have Rebecca’s money, they’re both single and into each other, what’s the deal? This is totally something she can pursue.

Keeley

It’s funny that we all had these fic ideas where Keeley dates Rebecca and gets to live the private jet, private yacht life, and the writers were like “nope” but then “wait, actually yes to the sugar mummy thing”. ❤️

Ted

Look, I don’t like him, but his scenes were great. Pining for the home he left, stuck so hard in his head he can’t even bother to learn anything about the sport he is allegedly coaching for two years now, and then finding himself in this unsettling parody of America where the portions are mountain-sized and nobody knows what Chicago is. POIGNANT

(I actually thought the script was going to go to a bad-trip place where the restaurant becomes really clownish and creepy and I’m glad they didn’t do that, it was much fresher and more interesting this way.)

(The thing where the drugs were a dud so it’s like Ted didn’t really take drugs was not fresh at all. We get it, he’s still pure. Whatever. It's a good story, so I’m forgiving them for the cop-out.)

Am I proud of Ted for reinventing Total Football? Heck no. He should have known about it. He is in Amsterdam playing against Ajax. The fact that he got the idea for the triangles from an ancient Chicago Bulls game instead of the wealth of football knowledge that is always in front of his eyes and at his fingertips is insane. But. It’s the right way to go, even if he got there through the most stupid route imaginable. And he is sitting in this amusement-park version of America, watching stuff that reminds him of his dad, but thinking about his team and how to improve them. Finally. So that’s something.

“My phone is at the bottom of a canal.” “Is that Keats?” – ok, I laughed 😤

Roy

Loved his speech to the interviewer about not pretending to give a fuck about the pretend game. Vintage Kent. And LOL at how even Jan is impressed by Roy’s brutal honesty.

Roy’s bitterness and anger being defeated by Jamie’s determined cheerfulness until he is forced to (1) enjoy himself on a fucking bicycle and (2) apologise to Jamie is the most adorable thing I can think about. HUG HIM JAMIE. HUG THE GROUCH. CONQUER THE GROUCH

Jamie

I love him.

First, we are reminded that he can be smart and capable and know a shitload of things about Amsterdam. This has a double purpose: in the long term, he’s on an arc of becoming even more of a team player and maybe a leader? Someone who can pull them out of the slump? But in the context of this episode, they want us to remember that Jamie has a brain. So if he glosses over things in his head, namely, Keeley having a girlfriend, or the disturbing way he lost his virginity at age 14, it’s intentional. He doesn’t want to think about these things because he wants to be happy.

Also, he’s not surprised Keeley’s into girls. She has talked about it openly, so. Yeah. Why would he be? (Well written.)

Notice how Jamie’s not intimidated by Roy anymore? Nor does he take the shit that Roy says to him personally. He is mature/secure enough by now to know that Roy is just taking unrelated shit out on him. He doesn’t even let it ruin his mood: he knows Roy is still doing the best for him as a coach, so he enjoys that. Our boy has grown up so much 🥲

I loved the complexity of Jamie’s little added backstory here with his two Amsterdam vacations. Short scene but so rich.

1. Vacation with his dad, age 14: Jamie knows his dad was being a dick and faking interest in him in that vacation. But he stops short of defining it as a bad memory. He was basically ordered to lose his virginity to a sex worker while he was still a child, and that must have affected him in a bunch of ways, and he doesn’t argue when Roy says it’s a fucked up experience. But he also “doesn’t remember it”.

2. Vacation with his mum two years later: she acted like a real parent and showed him the city and the museums. He doesn’t come right out and say it was important to him, but we know by the way he still remembers every little detail about Amsterdam by heart.

Jamie says it was like his dad was there with them. Does it mean his abusive dick of a dad was a shadow hanging over Jamie’s nice vacation with his nice mum? Or is it a good thing in that Jamie felt, for a while, like he had two parents? Or both?

Colin

Is now an actual character with a personality and not just comic relief. I will no longer give you side-eye if you like him and pair him with Jamie and will not wonder if you were just looking for the whitest face in the dressing room regardless of the fact that other guys had much more of a connection to Jamie.

I’m amused by the adventures of vanilla vodka. Back in season 1, when Jamie drank vanilla vodka, it was obvious the show didn’t want to make Roy call him gay/girly for it, because they didn’t want to make Roy homophobic or sexist. So Roy called Jamie a child, which also tracks, because fruit-flavoured drink (like Jamie’s vanilla vodka and alcopops) is associated with young kids who want to get hammered on nights out without having to endure the taste of actual alcohol. But right now Ted Lasso is carefully admitting that homophobia exists even in Ted-Lasso-world. So vanilla vodka gets to come out of the closet and be defined as a gay drink. Anyway.

The Himbos

Epic. I especially liked the way the pillow fight ended with an orgy. Always good for team building. Gangbangs also work, but then you have to single out one guy to get gangbanged and the others get jealous, and then you have to make a gangbang schedule so nobody gets left out, and it’s a hassle.

#ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso thoughts #ted lasso 3x06

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void-tiger · 2 years

Text

My only complaint with Kenobi is how dark nearly every single scene is shot. I mean, sure they’re often in low-light environments, but they could’ve done something with the contrast of texture or…something? I have an easier time watching Moria and Night Scenes from Peter Jackson’s LotR than I do really any Kenobi Scene that wasn’t in strong, direct sunlight.

(Oh yeah, and the absense of clones aside from the homeless vet. I know it was a slim chance to actually see Cody or anyone else from the 212th, but still! I just. Really wanted to see the clones. Let Ben and the clones have that closure of “it was the chip. They never wanted to turn on eachother. Their relationships mattered.”

(I also see a LOT of flack about Reva and the Inquisitors which…is hard to NOT be suspicious about? Filoni started that? They’re well-established? They make SENSE as a way to control surviving jedi and force-users (that WILL continue to be born)? Kenobi’s about healing? So Reva being a youngling-survivor who was made into an Inquisitor actually makes sense as a foil for Ben and Vader (and Quinlan)? WHATEVER. Kenobi handled the Canon Walls FAR better than either Rebels or The Mandelorian.)

And about Leia and Ben—

Okay. This actually gives depth to “Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” Specifically reaching out to Ben who’s living in hiding as a hermit on Tatooine. And goshdarnit FINALLY Leia is remembered (and Padme) verses this obsession with the Skywalker Men. (As well as the Organas.)

We also get a better Why to why Ben didn’t train up Luke—less because of Owen, more because Owen was (somewhat) right. As well as why Leia wasn’t trained (and didn’t even know she was force-sensitive despite easily resisting Vader’s attempt to use the Force to pull information out of her + Twin Telepathy to save Luke.) It was frankly far safer for them that way (and their Force Sensitivity to develop on its own in more discrete ways than chucking rocks—Leia’s Mindshields. Luke’s Reflexes.)

And LIKE. Lucas has a LONG habit of retconning his own lore (like OT Leia allegedly remembering her birth mother in what’s quite frankly a throwaway line as Luke doesn’t follow up on that At All after asking her about their mother. Then we meet Padme who…dies. Because Reasons. after childbirth.) and approving really bullshit things in the EU/Legends (like “Somehow…Palpatine survived.” Yeah that’s right Disney BORROWED that one. Palps and Cloned Palps has been an unfortunate franchise-device since preBuyOut. And a MAJOR reason why I never cared to read the EU material (aside from HUNDREDS of books and comics OH MY) as a child-then-teen.)

So like. Kenobi handled all that gracefully. Within set-norms for the greater franchise (including when the creator kept full-rights/last word.)

It works as a midquel and as a near stand-alone. WITHOUT killing everyone off or wiping minds or yeeting through a wormhole or portal to outside the galaxy or another dimensional reality. And in SW? That’s INCREDIBLY difficult to do—without deliberately working from the framework of “this is a Tragedy” (like The Clone Wars and Rogue One.)

#kenobi spoilers #kenobi analysis #sw analysis #sw wank #fandom wank #to be clear: my frustration is 1) at the fandom and 2) sw always being Very Inconsistant Anyway (and the fandom blithefully forgetting #(because…they just really really cannot stand it when 1) black and/or female characters Exist and 2) they’re actually fleshed out #(somehow I HIGHLY doubt it that these neckbeards would be so :U #(if Kenobi had Ben interacting with Luke vs Leia and fucking up the Hutt Syndicate. despite OT CanonWalls)#but i digress

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adarlingwrites · 3 years

Text

Leave it to the Wind

Summary: Between deadlines, an awful transport system, and aswangs lurking about in the shadows, you have much to worry about as a college student in Manila, and it's so much that your social life is practically dead. Your wind people roommates want to help you remedy that.

Words: 9343

Relationships: The Kambal/Reader (Crispin/Reader/Basilio)

Warnings: Adult content, alcohol, brief scene of sexual harassment

Author’s Notes: God, the fandom is so thirsty for the Kambal, and so am I. Finally, some Filipino himbo representation.

The premise is: Hannah and Amie decides to play matchmaker. Hilarity ensues. Smut ensues. Please be nice, I based the characterizations of the character on the Netflix series and Trese wiki pages since I couldn't get my hands on the original comics yet oof. Some words, like terms of endearment and curse words, will remain in Filipino. Translations are provided. Reader is AFAB and is referred to with female pronouns.

Reposting this from AO3 with all three chapters in one post. A Filipino (Taglish) translation is in the works!

You don’t know how they managed to convince you, to be honest.

You rarely ever go out at night anymore. So many strange incidents transpire in Manila’s narrow streets. Just recently, you’ve heard of a new story about a tikbalang who allegedly participated in illegal street races.

So when your roommates and friends Amie and Hannah invited you for a night out, you hesitated. You gave them every excuse you can think of; you needed to do laundry, you needed to study, you needed to finish a project, and so on.

You know that the two of them are wind people, but you can’t help but think. Which of the various stories you had been hearing are real? What else in this world you haven’t witnessed yet?

“Aw, you’re such a buzzkill! Pretty please? You don’t go out with us as often. Enjoy yourself a little,” Amie whines, lying on the sofa of your living room.

On the other hand, Hannah turns to you with a mischievous grin on her face. “C’mon, get dressed already,” she commanded. “There are some total hotties we’d like you to meet! One of them might catch your eye!”

“I told you, I don’t need a relationship. You two try this every week. How do you even know so many people?” you retort, laughing softly at yourself.

“Well, our night lives are active,” Hannah retorted. “Don’t forget our sex lives!” the other added. Hearing those words, you felt your face get flushed with heat.

You needed a good fuck.

“Damn it, fine! As long as you pay for me.”

They finally got you to say yes.

As the night went on, you went to several bars, and you swore that you had explored every crevice of the city. It doesn’t help that the guy Amie and Hannah were with, a tall, dark and handsome man with flowing locks of black hair, drove like a demon. You got around quickly in no time.

Around an hour after midnight, you’re all exhausted from a night of dancing and mingling. None of the people your friends introduced to you caught your attention. At that point, you just wanted a stiff drink to unwind.

Voicing it to your drinking buddies, they nod in agreement.

“I know just the place, in Malate,” the man you’re with said. “Quiet. Discreet. I can take you there, if you want.”

“You mean The Diabolical, right? Let’s go! Text Crispin and Basilio, they might be hangin’ there too,” Amie croons.

A chuckle escapes your lips upon hearing their names. “Huh? Were they named after the characters in Jose Rizal’s novel?”

“I think so? Whatever! But seriously though… Those two can totally make you scream their names louder than Sisa ever did! Best lay I ever had!”

The remark made you laugh so hard, you swore you can be heard in the next city. “What the fuck! Amie, gaga ka, Sisa was their mom! The context of that scene was rough.”

Hannah’s mischievous grin spreads on her face once more, and she gently elbows your side. “Well, if you’re lucky, in this context you’d be crying their names while your eyes roll to the back of your head.”

You’ll never admit it, but you had hoped all their teasing would come true.

It didn’t take long for the four of you to reach your destination. As you enter The Diabolical, a strange chill envelopes you. The air feels different inside; it’s almost as if you stepped in a different world. Perhaps it’s the alcohol, but when you looked around, you saw a duwende sitting by the bar. Or was it called a nuno? At the end of the bar, you saw them; two men both dressed in black suits. One has short hair, while the other one has longer, reaching past his shoulders. However, they’re facing away from you. Only the back of their head and part of their cheeks were visible where you stood.

You snapped out of it when the man you three are with spoke up. “I’m gonna call it a night. Have fun, you three.”

“For real? Wow Maliksi, this is the first time I ever saw you wanting to leave early. Aren’t you gonna stop by and say hi to Alex?” Hannah asks him.

“Maybe next time,” Maliksi answers back, a somber expression on his face. “Oh em gee, did you two fight? Wait, what are you two?” Amie asks.

“Whatever. It’s complicated. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Your friends nodded and let Maliksi be. He waves at your group, and heads out the door. The engine of his car roars to life, and his car screeches away.

As the car moved farther away though, it seems that the screeching of the tires turned into hoofbeats.

Perhaps it’s just your imagination.

“Amie! Hannah! Have a drink! Hey, who’s that with you? Is that the person you’ve been wanting us to meet for ages now?”

Your head turns to where the voice was coming from; one of the men in the suits, the one with short hair in particular. You finally had a good look on their faces.

Twins?

“Crispin! Meet our friend! This is…”

As Amie and Hannah introduce you to the Twins, you can’t help but stare. You took the sight of their features in; they’re tall, with broad shoulders, and hard muscle underneath that black suit and white tie ensemble. They have wide noses with a high bridge, prominent bone structure, and a prominent widow’s peak.

Merciful Bathala, they’re gorgeous.

What caught your attention the most are their eyes. They're pitch black, save for the small reflection of light.

Are these people even human?

“Stare at them like that any longer and they might melt,” Amie teases. The two of your friends are giving you an ear-splitting grin due to your reaction to the Twins.

“I, uh-” you stuttered, and you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.

“Hey, don’t be shy. You can sit between us, miss. We’re all friends here,” the twin with the longer hair says. If the other one is Crispin, then this must be Basilio.

Behind you, your friends are already giggling. They took their places next to the twins and leaned on their biceps. Across from you, the bartender comes to take your order.

“What’ll it be, kid?” he asks.

For some reason, you’re panicking. Maybe it’s because of the alcohol in your system. Or maybe it’s because you’re sandwiched between the twins. “Uh, what would you recommend, manong?”

Laughter erupted from the twins. “Hank, she called you manong!” Basilio teases while grinning like a fucking dog. “Geez, are you really that old?” Crispin eggs him on, giving him a shit-eating grin. Hank takes a wet rag he uses to wipe down the countertop and strikes the two down. “You goddamn assholes!”

You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing with them.

“Ow! Alright, we’re sorry, we’re sorry. Get them the best seller, Hank. We’ll pay for their tab,” Basilio says, and Hannah and Amie squeals with joy.

“Oh em gee, you boys are so sweet! Thank youuu!”

As Hank prepares you a drink, you try conversing with the twins. “You two seem fun to have as drinking buddies.”

Hank turns around to reach a bottle from the shelf. “Those two are mischievous little shits, that’s for sure. You know, when these two were kids...”

“Hey man, don’t embarrass us like that in front of our new friend,” Crispin whines.

While the three continues fucking around, you leaned back slightly to glimpse at Amie, who was trying to get your attention for a while now. She points to her phone, and you fetch yours from your bag.

You read your group chat with them. “Soooo, do you like, like them?” Hannah’s message said.

“You’re into them aren’t you? You got so shy around them, it’s so cute!” Amie’s message said.

“Right? It’s rare to see you so flustered!”

You typed away furiously at your phone, cautious to not let the twins beside you see the conversation.

“Well, they’re an improvement from the ones you introduced me to earlier. Easier on the eyes, too…”

Your friends giggled, and as their drinks arrived, they stood up. “Girl, we’re gonna leave you with them, there’s some super hot tikbalangs who just came in the bar. Byeeee!”

“Hey, wait!”

They didn’t heed your words and went to sit on the tikbalangs’ laps.

Fuck, tikbalangs are real? Is Maliksi a tikbalang too?

“And off they go, flirting with those beasts after they’ve used us for drinks,” Crispin laments, voice dripping with light-hearted sarcasm.

“It’s not like it’s the first time we got used by them though,” Basilio adds, cringing.

You can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I’ve heard.”

Basilio’s head whips towards you, sweat gathering on his brow. “Seriously?! Shit, what did they say about us?”

“All good things, don’t you worry,” you answered.

“Nah, I need to hear what they said word for word,” the twin with long hair responds. “This is making me paranoid!”

Crispin moves closer to you, Basilio puts a friendly arm around your shoulder, and you can only smile. All of you are inebriated and if you were sober, and if someone else dared to get this close to you, you might’ve slapped them. But you feel good about the Twins, and your roommates never put you in harm’s way, so your trust for them extended to the brothers, somehow.

“Just tell us already,” Crispin slurs. “Tell us what they said about us. We’re curious.”

“Fine, fine. Okay, Amie and Hannah mentioned your names when Maliksi suggested that we head here to drink. Then, I mentioned that your names came from Rizal’s novels.”

“Then Amie said,” you continued, pausing briefly to come up with an impression of your roommate’s speech. “‘Seriously though… Those two can totally make you scream their names louder than Sisa ever did! Best lay I ever had!’ Fuck, it was so messed up!”

“That’s messed up, alright,” Basilio sputters, his face a deep shade of crimson. “I’m this hot and those are the only details they can spare?!”

“Ok, but that Sisa joke was kind of funny though. But it was still fucked up,” Crispin adds, and he takes a sip of his drink.

“Hold your horses, the story’s not done yet,” you say. You’re starting to feel more confident around the two.

Your conversation went places, until you found yourselves drinking until three in the morning, and at that point, it’s only just the four of you in the bar; Hank, the Twins, and you. Even Hannah and Amie are nowhere to be seen. Knowing them, they probably took the tikbalangs they were flirting with back to your apartment.

They didn’t even wait for you. Looks like they’re really setting you up tonight. Maybe they wanted the apartment to themselves tonight, and they got exactly what they wanted.

You had planned on getting up to go to the restroom, but when you tried standing up, you almost fell from the chair. The Twins caught you before you landed face first against the floor.

“She’s had enough to drink,” Hank comments. They set you on a chair with a backrest. “How will she get home? We can’t send her off in a cab at this rate. The train doesn't run this late either.”

“Hannah left her behind too,” Crispin adds.

“Hey, how are we gonna deal with this?” Basilio asks. “We can get you home once we sober up a little. It’s fine if you-”

Basilio never got to finish what he was going to say, because you nodded off against his stomach, and puked your lunch out.

You don’t remember anything after that.

When you awaken, the sun is already high up, and the first thing that greets you is the fan in the ceiling. Your muscles are screaming at you, and your throat feels dry. Memories of last night came crashing back and you started sweating in horror. Maybe it’s just a drunken dream, but it felt all too real.

You were flirting with these gorgeous twins, had too much to drink, and at some point puked all over one of the twins’ shoes.

And now, you don’t know whose bedroom you are in. You check yourself, and you’re still wearing the same clothes, with nothing out of place. There are no bruises or marks on your body either. You looked around you, but there was no one else in the room.

The doors crack open slightly, and you see two pairs of void-black eyes.

“I… um… good morning?”

“It’s… already 2 in the afternoon,” one of them says. He has long hair. This one is the twin you threw up on.

“Why don’t you have some lunch?” the other one said.

You just nodded and said nothing else, ashamed of yourself. You threw up on one of them and now you’re eating at their table. You just wanted the ground to swallow you alive.

“Sorry for puking on you last night,” you near-whispered to Basilio after you swallowed your first bite of food.

The silence broke when Crispin roared with laughter, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. Meanwhile, Basilio was glaring daggers at his brother. He’s frowning like a child whose toy got taken from him. “Sure, keep laughing, kuya.”

“I’ll never show my face here again, I promise,” you say to them, hiding your face behind your hands.

“What’re you talking about? Forget about it. We’re friends now, right?” Basilio tells you, smiling. “But next time, vomit on my brother too.”

“No one’s throwing up because I won’t be allowing any of you to get wasted that bad ever again,” Hank announces as he enters the room with a carafe in his hand. “Bossing’s not gonna like it if the bar ends up smelling as bad as Basilio’s room. Here, have some coffee.”

“We should introduce you to bossing next time too. She’s not here at the moment,” Crispin adds. “Let’s do this again next week.”

The invitation made you smile, and you poured yourself a cup of coffee. You continued eating the rest of your meal.

“...my room doesn’t smell that, right?” Basilio asks after a few moments of silence.

“Gago, it stinks so bad. It’s why we made the guest stay at my room, because if she stayed at yours she could’ve died from how bad it is,” Crispin exclaims. “Seriously, how can you live with bringing women to your room at that point?”

“Kuya, you’re embarrassing me to our guest!”

Translations for non-Filipino speaking folks:

bossing: a somewhat affectionate way to say “boss”. Comes from the old tradition of adding -eng or -ing to ones name to make a nickname, e.g. Luciana - Lucing

Gago/gaga (ka): (you) idiot/moron - someone stupid, foolish or ignorant

Tikbalang: creature from Filipino mythology similar to a centaur. They are hulking beasts with a horse's head.

manong: a term for endearment to an elderly male relative, or elderly men in general. Originally an Ilokano term referring to the first born son in a nuclear family.

kuya: big brother. Can be used to refer to one's own older brother, someone else's older brother, or an older peer or male acquaintance.

Author’s Notes: This chapter was heavily inspired by Bita and the Botflies' song Manghuhula.

Warnings: brief scene of sexual harrassment

After washing up, the Twins accompanied you to the gate, exchanging glances at each other behind your back. Little did they know, you definitely noticed it.

“Wait,” Basilio says, tapping your shoulder lightly with a large hand.

Crispin takes his phone out of his pocket. His younger brother proceeds to do the same. “Give us your phone. We’ll add our numbers, and you can text us if something happens,” he says.

“Or when you get home safe,” Basilio adds.

You look at the two of them back and forth. “This isn’t just an elaborate excuse for the two of you to get my number, right?”

Neither of the two spoke, giving each other a nervous glance.

Their reaction made you laugh out loud, and you took out your phone from your bag. “Here. I’ll give you my Facespace too.”

With the tension broken, the three of you exchange a chuckle. You punch in your number in their phones, while they did the same to yours. Crispin looks over his brother’s shoulder and frowns.

“Epal,” Crispin says to his brother, snatching your phone away from him. The older twin types something in, and it’s the younger one’s turn to stick his nose in. Basilio attempts to get the phone back, cursing all the time.

“You’re going to break her phone, gago,” the older twin curses, pushing a palm against Basilio’s face. “Then let it go! You’re the epal, I wasn’t done yet,” the younger one snaps back.

You give them a look of irritation, and check out what they’re arguing about.

“What the hell are you two grown-ass men fighting about?” you ask as you butt in to look at what they’re doing.

A loud snort bubbles from you as you see it; Basilio added “the hot twin” next to his contact name. Crispin added “the hotter twin”. Now, the former wanted to outdo his older brother.

Against your better judgment, you say, “You’re twins. You look like each other. You’re both hot. Now stop fighting over my phone.”

Perhaps it’s the afternoon heat, but there is a tinge of red in their cheeks after your remark. You waved them goodbye as you got in a tricycle that’ll get you to the nearest train station.

The MRT, in some strange miraculous twist of fate, isn’t as packed as usual. It’s still populated, but there were a few seats waiting to be taken. You sit down somewhere away from direct sunlight, and you take out your phone to tell Hannah and Amie that you’re on the way home.

The first thing you see is a text from Basilio. Then, a text from Crispin. You tell them both that you’re on the train now, completely forgetting about messaging your roommates. To pass the time, you launch the Facespace app and decide to look up their profiles, only to find out that they’ve already sent you a friend request.

Upon seeing Crispin’s profile, you did your damn best to stifle a laugh.

His work description says “works at the Krusty Krab,” but that wasn’t the craziest thing about his profile. At first, the Bible verse in his bio caught you off guard, thinking that someone like him didn’t seem religious, but when you quickly looked up “Ezekiel 23:20,” you did your best not to howl with laughter.

Basilio’s isn’t any better.

In his work description, he put “Model at For Her Magazine,” and “edi sa puso mo.” Then you scroll down to see a thirst trap of him pulling his shirt up with his teeth, and you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks again. Well, at least that work description is believable.

They’re- what was that term your younger university friends were using again?- himbos.

They’re definitely himbos.

Arriving at your place, you slot your key inside the doorknob and twist. As you enter the door, the heavy, musky scent of sex and sweat hits your face, and you regret getting too wasted last night and losing your chance to hook up with one of the Twins.

Or both.

Both?

Regardless, at least they’ve invited you again to hang out next week.

You raise your eyebrow and cross your arms at the scene before you. Cans of beer litter the living room, and your roommates are taking a nap by the couch. A tikbalang comes out of the bathroom, glamor off, and you snort as you watch him duck under the door frame because of his massive height.

“It’s already four in the afternoon. Time to go, big guy.”

He nods awkwardly in acknowledgment, morphing into his human disguise, and exiting your apartment.

You sit between your roommates, rousing them from their sleep. “I’m not going to clean this mess up,” you tell them, motioning to the trashed state of the living room, and reaching for the remote to turn the TV on. You just want to take a shower afterwards and sleep in your own bed tonight.

After rubbing the sleep from their eyes, your roommates near-tackles you on the couch, a curious, excited look on their faces. You forgot all about what you were watching and stared at them in surprise.

“So how did it go? Did you get to hook up with any of them?” Amie asks.

“Or both of them?” Hannah adds.

“Gaga, nothing like that happened.”

The two of them let you go with disappointed looks on their faces. “So sayang! Here we were thinking you finally have a sex life,” one of them says as you lean back on the backrest, closing your eyes as they continue to pester you for details.

“Why are you two so determined to get me to screw someone?” you finally snapped, amused and irked at the same time.

“Because you’ve been doing nothing but totally stressing yourself out! See how super fun it is to let go every now and then?”

“Thanks for the new drinking buddies, girls, but I have my fingers to keep me company. Hookups are too much work,” you lie to them, eyes still closed.

“That’s a toe-curling, full-body orgasm you’re missing out on, girl!”

“That’s assuming that the person I’m with knows what they’re doing,” you retorted.

One of them pokes your side with an elbow, and you assume it’s Hannah. “The Twins do.”

You opened your eyes, and you guessed right; it’s Hannah. You give her a look, before rolling your eyes, appearing to look disinterested. The smirk tugging at the edge of your lips says otherwise, though.

“So what happened last night?” Amie asks.

“I got wasted and threw up on Basilio’s shoes. Then, I ended up sleeping in Crispin’s room. When I woke up, they fed me and sent me home,” you tell them. Your roommates giggle at the story.

“Ah, speaking of which, I gotta let them know I got home,” you said off-hand, and somehow the remark only spurred your wind people roommates on.

“Yieee, you’re friends with them on Facespace already!” Amie quips, leaning in to see what you’re typing. Playfully, you move your phone away from her to conceal what you’re typing.

“Make a group chat with them!” Hannah exclaims, taking your phone away from you. You tried taking it back, but Amie joins in the mischief and blocks you from doing so.

When you got your phone back, the deed was done, and the chat was renamed to a single eggplant emoji. The like button was replaced by an eggplant emoji too.

Panicking, you add your roommates to the group to avoid looking suspicious, and swiftly type up a defense.

“Please ignore that, Hannah made this chat using my account.”

The teasing never stopped after that.

Weeks passed and you never bothered to change it, though.

It’s been about two months since your first encounter with the Twins. You’re becoming a familiar face at The Diabolical, going every Saturday to see them. Sometimes Hannah and Amie didn’t accompany you anymore. You’ve met the Twins’ bossing a few times, who turned out to be none other than Alexandra Trese. You’ve heard of her exploits and the two imposing bodyguards who were almost always with her. It surprised you that they’re none other than the Twins you knew, but it made perfect sense. Those two were jacked, and those muscles aren’t only for show.

Of course, because of your increasing presence in the bar, it didn’t take long for the rumors to circulate. Word on the street is both of the Twins had a thing for you, and neither is making a move out of consideration for the other. They are waiting for you to move.

You elected to ignore them, perfectly happy with your arrangement of having two handsome men to keep you company while you unwind. The thought of getting together with one of them, or even both of them did cross your mind a few times, however.

Ultimately, you wouldn’t know what to do if the day comes that you’ll have to confront how you feel and choose between the two.

Do you have to?

Crispin and Basilio are twins, but they’re distinct from each other. The older is more serious, with a dryer sense of humor, while the younger is goofier, and somewhat softer. One complements the other, and they’re both good company despite their differences.

Speak of the devil. Your phone buzzes and you see that the eggplant chat is active. The Twins are inviting you to The Diabolical again.

“See you guys at eight,” you type in. Someone reacts with an eggplant to your message. Then the next few messages were nothing but eggplant emojis, followed by Basilio sending “#TeamTalong”. Crispin cusses him out for it, but sends the same message right after.

Yeah, that became a thing among the five of you.

You and the wind girls got dressed and took a taxi to the bar, your favorite jacket draped over your shoulders. Pressured by your roommates, you wore something nicer tonight; a black faux leather dress that hugs your figure deliciously. The shiny fabric added to the effect. The six bottles of Pulang Tikbalang beer the three of you shared before going out might’ve contributed to your newfound bravado.

But now that you’re actually wearing it outside your apartment, you feel a little reluctant.

“Maybe wearing this is a bad idea,” you mutter to no one in particular, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear out of self-consciousness.

Amie taps you from behind. “Oh hush, that outfit is totally sexy,” she comments. “Finally ready to get dicked down tonight, girl?”

“Shhh, gaga ka, manong driver can hear you.”

That didn’t deter them from making more inappropriate comments, much to the manong's ire.

It’s nine already when you get there, you’re in the Philippines after all. The merriment is already in full swing when you step through the door. Hannah and Amie went ahead and sat next to their lay of the week. The Twins wave you over from their usual spot, but before you can reach them, a man you’ve never seen before tries to get your attention, snaking an arm around your waist.

“Hey baby. You’re a regular here, right? Want to drink with me?”

“Sorry, I’m here with someone else,” you tell him, moving away.

“Ah, here to see the Twins? Why don’t you ditch them for a change of pace and come with me, babe?”

“Not interested,” you flat out said. “Please move, or I’ll make you move.”

To your surprise, the man drops his glamor and reveals himself to be a kapre. He looms over you, cigar in his mouth, and you can feel the tension rising. People are starting to stare, and your friends took notice of it too.

“Try,” he huffs, puffing smoke to your face. You give him a sour glare while trying not to cough.

Before your roommates or the Twins could come to your aid, you panicked and saw an empty bottle of Pulang Tikbalang on a nearby table. Emboldened by the alcohol in your veins, you shatter the bottle and point the jagged edge at the hulking beast, hands shaking. You are a tiny thing compared to the enormous creature before you, after all.

“Don’t you dare look down on me.”

“Already doing that, honey.”

“I’m not your honey,” you say as you press the edge against his stomach, not enough to draw blood, but hard enough to hurt.

“I love it when they fight back,” the kapre croons.

Under the haze of alcohol, you were more than ready to shove the edge in, consequences be damned.

Before things could escalate, Crispin takes the broken bottle off of your hands and steers you away from the stranger, while Basilio steps in to defuse the tension. “Hey, why don’t you back off, pal? Our friend said no. You wouldn’t want us to tell our bossing to ban you from the place because of this misunderstanding now, don’t you?”

Heart in your throat, you turn to the Twins, then to the kapre. The tree giant pauses, looking at the three of you, then smirks.

“Heh. Fine. But if you torpe whelps don’t make a move, I will.”

The giant puts his glamor back on and skulks away.

“Wow, what a jerk! He only left you alone when the boys stepped in,” Hannah quips, tossing her hair in indignation.

“You almost didn’t need rescuing, but I’d hate to help Hank mop the blood off the floor later,” Basilio comments, nudging you gently with an elbow. His eyes go a little lower from your face, and you see him look away.

You realized Crispin hasn’t let go of you yet.

“C’mon, let’s just go,” you tell everyone. Crispin proceeds to remove his hand away from your shoulder, and you take your usual seats by the bar.

The bar is loud, but the silence between the three of you is deafening. Even Hank seems to have taken notice, eyeing your usually loud and cheerful group.

“What’s up with you three? What happened back there?” the older man asks, leaning over the bar top.

“Just a handsy kapre who couldn’t take no for an answer. I won’t let it spoil the night,” you answer him.

“That’s the spirit. Holler if he tries something like that again, I’ll have him kicked out,” Hank replies, setting down three ice-cold beers in front of you guys.

Yet somehow, the conversation never livened up.

Three bottles of Pulang Tikbalang later, you’ve had enough.

“This is about what that kapre said, isn’t it?” you finally say, slightly pissed.

The Twins look at each other with guilty expressions, and simultaneously nod.

“Do you boys wanna talk about it?”

They look at each other again. “Shit, this is awkward,” Crispin comments, scratching his head. Basilio nods in agreement, uncharacteristically silent. “We didn’t want to pressure you into anything you didn’t want to do,” the older twin continues.

“Look, I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my kuya just because we’re interested in the same girl,” Basilio says. “Same here,” Crispin adds.

“So we were waiting for you to make your own move,” Basilio continues.

“Ah. So the rumors are true,” you sighed.

“We’ll accept whatever outcome there is. If you choose me, or Basilio, or neither because this is fucking messy, we totally get it,” the older twin says, leaning back to stare at the ceiling.

Now the decision rests in your hands.

“Why don’t we talk about this somewhere more private?” you ask them.

You watch as both of them gulp. “Where do you wanna talk?” Basilio asks.

“Anywhere private.”

“I just cleaned my room earlier. Why don’t we continue this there?”

You nod, and they lead you away from the bar.

Looks like it’s going to be a long night.

Translations for non-Filipino speakers:

epal: in Filipino slang, usually refers to a person who inappropriately presents himself in a situation or butts into a conversation.

kapre: a tree-giant from Filipino mythology. Often described as very tall, dark, and hairy. Almost never seen without a cigar.

sayang: literally means waste. Can be used alone as an expression similar to "what a waste!"

torpe: someone who cannot spit their romantic or sexual feelings out to a crush or love interest

III

Author’s Notes:

Warnings: Smut. Filthy smut. Writer-is-definitely-going-to-the-second-circle-of-the-Seven-Circles-of-Hell-levels-of-filthy smut. Bawal bata, tulog na. If you're under 18 please turn back.

After the door closes behind the three of you, you sit on the bed, while Crispin sits on a chair near his brother’s desk. Basilio locks the door, and leans against it, unable to look at you.

“Right. So. How are we going to deal with this?” you ask them, crossing your legs.

“Don’t ask us,” Crispin says, swiveling the chair to face you. “You’re the one caught in the middle after all.”

Curse his choice of words.

“This is too weird,” Basilio speaks up. “If you want me to unlock the door, just say the word. We can walk out of this like nothing happened.”

“And then what? Things are going to be awkward between the three of us, I just know it,” you say to him, palming the back of your neck. “Things might get awkward with Amie and Hannah too, and I live with them. I don’t want our tropa to disband just because of relationship drama.”

“What about Amie and Hannah? Is it because we have history with those two?” Crispin asks.

“They’ve been trying to set me up with either of you. The fact that they also slept with you in the past also doesn’t help. Shit, this is messy.”

“Er, um,” Basilio stutters. “That might’ve been our fault.”

You furrow your brow and cross your arms. “Keep going.”

The Twins look at each other, as if gauging who should explain the situation. “So, we remained in contact after being used as a prize for bossing’s race with Maliksi, right?” Crispin starts.

“Uh huh.”

“Well, they mentioned a third roommate in passing and joked about lending us to her. Of course we blew them off, then Amie showed us a picture of you. We got curious and asked them to introduce you,” Basilio continues.

“I didn’t expect us five to become friends. And now we’re in this mess,” Crispin adds.

You look at them back and forth, and laugh in resignation. Elbows digging against your lap and palms pressed against your face, you rub your face and run it through your hair. “Amazing. Just amazing. See, I have a problem too.”

The Twins didn’t respond, eyes fixated on you.

“I like the two of you.”

You feel the air shift around you. Basilio’s standing upright by the door now, and Crispin straightened up too. The room is so quiet, you can hear them gulp in anticipation for what will happen next.

“There. I said it. The reason why I haven’t made a move at all is because of this exact moment that I was dreading. I didn’t want to choose,” you admit, feeling the blood rush to your head. “I just wanted for us three to stay like that, drinking buddies sprinkled with sexual tension.”

“And you’re in the middle, enjoying our attention,” Crispin says, crossing his arms.

“Selfish, I know,” you admit, head hanging low.

This is it, the moment that can make or break you three.

“Us three. If only...” you whisper, only for the words to fall flat on your tongue

You stand up, gathering your things and carrying your bag. “Nevermind. What a mess we’re in. I’ll go so you two can sort things out between the two of you. It’s been a fun ride.”

Basilio doesn’t move from the door, and behind you, you can hear Crispin getting up from his seat.

“We can still make this work, right kuya?” Basilio starts, looking over your head to give his brother a knowing look.

“Yeah, I think so,” Crispin replies. “What was that you said? The three of us?”

Your eyes widen, and you look at them back and forth. Their bodies are dangerously close to yours. Now you’re literally caught in the middle.

“I- uh…”

“I think we can work out an arrangement,” Basilio whispers, one hand moving to hold yours.

“Only if you want to,” Crispin adds, his breath kissing the back of your neck.

“I don’t want to lose either of you,” Basilio adds.

“Same here.”

Damn it all.

Giving in to your darkest, most hidden desires, you lean in to capture Basilio’s lips with yours, leaving his black eyes wide open in surprise. They flutter close, and he savors the kiss, slipping a tongue in. Then you turn to Crispin, and you give him the same sweet kiss as well.

“Damn, I didn’t mean like, now,” Basilio mutters, feeling the front of his trousers get tighter as he watches you make out with his brother.

Bringing your attention back to the younger twin, you loosen his tie, while you push out your ass to grind against Crispin. “Are you complaining?”

“Not at all.”

“Wait, are you sure about this? All of us drank tonight… we don’t want you to do something you’ll regret,” Crispin says, moving his hips away from you. Basilio pauses too, and wraps his hands around your wrists to still your hands, a look of concern on his face.

“Kuya’s right.”

“I’m a grown woman. I might’ve had a few bottles, but I know what I want,” you reassure them, waiting for the two to make a move. “I know I want you two for months.”

Basilio lets go of your hands and lets you do as you please, a cocky smirk on his lips. Behind you, you can feel Crispin’s gloved hands reaching for the zipper of your dress. “Really? How much do you want us? C’mon, say it,” Basilio asks, moving in to place kisses on your neck.

“I wanna hear it too,” Crispin whispers against your shoulder, and he punctuates it with a light kiss.

All of a sudden, you felt shy at the prospect of confessing your fantasies out loud. “Why don’t I just show you boys?”

“Oh no, you’re not getting out of this one,” Basilio teases. “Consider it as payback for throwing up all over my shoes.”

“You’re still- ah!- mad about that?” you ask him, gasping in the middle of doing so when you felt a hand snake between your legs from behind. The older twin slips his fingers past your underwear, circling your clit with slow strokes.

“Not mad, I just want things to be fair,” Basilio teases, pulling your dress down. He gives your breasts a squeeze, fondling and rolling your nipples until they harden, and he seals his lips over your right one. Crispin moves from behind you and he takes his place next to his twin, lathing his tongue over the left. All four of their hands pawed at your flesh greedily.

You were at a loss for words because of how good they’re making you feel, soft moans bubbling from your throat.

“Speechless already, huh?” Crispin mumbles against your skin.

“Ngh! The wind girls weren’t lying, you two know what you’re doing,” you gasped, face flushed as you watched the Twins lavish their attention on your breasts.

“Shhh, stop changing the subject. Play along, or neither of us will make you cum,” he adds, pausing to give you a teasing lick, and resting his tongue on top of the hardened bud. On the other hand, Basilio is sucking like a starved babe while squeezing your still clothed behind.

You fake a scoff of indignation and grin. “Fine. I- oh fuck- want you two so much, I’ve been fantasizing for weeks.”

Basilio pauses to address you. “Describe them.”

You’re a little mortified, but the alcohol in your system pushes you to be bolder. “I imagined Basilio punishing me for ruining his shoes.”

“And how did he do that?” Crispin’s voice.

“He asked me to suck him off,” you start, and a pinch on your bottom from the subject of your fantasy tells you that he wanted to hear more details. “He fucked my face while pulling my hair and told me how good I was the whole time and that he forgave me.”

“What about me? What fantasies did you have?” Crispin asks again.

Your breath hitched in your throat but you pushed on. “Hearing how you scolded Basilio, I imagined you taking me from behind and saying the meanest, dirtiest things possible.”

The Twins looked at each other, and stopped, their lips leaving your breasts with a lewd pop. “You want to make them all come true?” Basilio asks.

Cheeks burning, you give them a curt nod.

The two of them lead you to the bed, where Crispin puts you on all fours, and he takes his place from behind. On the other hand, Basilio is standing near the edge of the bed, the bulge in his pants inches away from your face. You stare at it, licking your lips.

As you undid Basilio’s pants, he shrugs off his suit jacket and takes off his tie, then he takes off his dress shirt, revealing his abs and the trail of dark hair on his lower abdomen, disappearing into his briefs. From behind, you hear fabric shifting, then Crispin peels your panties off of you. He brings a gloved hand against your skin in a loud smack, making you cry out.

“Ah, wait, we need a safeword,” Crispin mentions, soothingly squeezing your skin.

“What about Eternos?” Basilio suggests, and Crispin cocks an eyebrow. “Wait, you mean, like the game?”

You stifle a laugh. “I’m fine with it,” you say to them, and they take it as a signal to continue.

The older twin dips a gloved finger between your folds, gathering your wetness, and tsked. “Look at you, already so fucking wet. You want this so much, huh?”

You nod frantically, then Basilio stills your head. “Open your mouth, baby. Tongue out.”

You oblige, and Basilio fishes his cock out of his briefs. Your eyes grow wider as you take in the sight of it; girthy, with a nice length, and a few veins running on the underside. You wonder if Crispin’s is the same. The twin in front of you lightly smacks his member against your tongue, and you proceed to lick it, running from the base to the tip, slicking it with saliva. You swirl your tongue around it, then try to slide it in your mouth as smoothly as possible.

As Basilio begins to breathe harder with each bob of your head, Crispin pulls your ass towards his face, and a choked moan escapes your lips as you feel his mouth on your heat, toying with your folds before he finally finds that sensitive nub. The older twin proceeds to lick and suck at it, eating you out like you’re the best damn meal of his life.

Meanwhile, you push a palm against Basilio’s thigh to make him pause, and before he can ask you if you’re fine, you take his balls in your mouth and fondle him with your tongue. Your hand pumps his neglected cock as you did so.

“Shit! Your mouth feels so damn good,” he hisses, breathing hard. When you take his dick back into your mouth, Basilio gathers your hair and uses it as a handle, watching his length disappear in your mouth over and over, his black eyes hazy with lust and his mouth whispering words of praise.

Crispin looks at his brother with a hint of envy, cock painfully hard against his trousers. He unzips it for relief, and proceeds to stroke himself as he continues to prepare you.

“Hey, Basilio, got any lube?”

“Um, there’s- ungh- a bottle of it under the pillow.”

“...you keep lube under your pillow? What the- and condoms? Can’t you put them in your drawers or something?”

Basilio doesn’t give his brother a response and focuses his attention on you. You gasp against his cock as you felt a cold, gloved hand prod against your asshole, and goosebumps formed on your flesh as you felt the cold lubricant smearing against your entrance. Crispin pushes his lubed thumb in, and you cry out in pleasure, your jaw opening wider for Basilio to claim. Then, two more fingers prod at your pussy, and you swear you can see stars as they slid in. The older twin toys with you while eating you out, and you feel a knot forming at the base of your stomach, threatening to uncoil at any moment.

You couldn’t take it. Basilio’s cock slides out of your mouth and you look over your shoulder, moaning and panting.

Crispin pauses from eating you out to ask you a question. “You’re gonna cum? You wanna cum on my fingers like the filthy slut you are?”

“Yes, please, please, let me cum,” you begged, and with a devilish smirk, Crispin dives right back in to finish the job.

You squeezed your eyes shut as the pleasure inside you exploded, shameless moans coming from your throat as your first orgasm hits you. Basilio watches the look of pleasure on your face as Crispin makes you cum, making his cock twitch.

“Now that’s how you please a woman,” Crispin teases, shooting his brother a challenging look while wiping your juices off of his face.

“Wait until it’s my turn,” Basilio replies, smirking.

Panting, legs wobbling, you didn’t get to rest as Crispin takes his cock and slides it in you. In front of you, Basilio cups your face and directs you back to his cock, smirking. “You’re doing so well, baby. You’re taking us like a champ, you know that?”

“Fuck,” Crispin hisses from behind you. “You like this, you little slut? You like being fucked by two cocks at the same time?” he asks you, each word punctuated with a hard thrust.

Now you’re really caught in the middle.

Basilio’s panting heavily now, his thrusts becoming erratic against your mouth. You know he’s close, and you brace yourself for what’s coming. Eyes screwed shut, he lets out a low groan as he spills inside of your mouth, his cum painting your tongue white. You try to swallow it all, but a few stray drops dribble down your chin. The younger twin cleans you up, and kisses you deeply, not minding his taste on your mouth. He sits on the bed to catch his breath, and allows you to rest on his thighs.

Behind you, Crispin begins to rut faster, his thumb still in your ass as he pounded you. You writhe and cry against Basilio’s lap, bracing yourself from each harsh thrust. The younger twin pets your hair, but he moves his hand away when Crispin pushes your head against his brother’s lap.

“Take it all of it,” Crispin groans. “Ungh, you make me so horny, you little slut.”

Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Basilio gets an idea.

“Hey, kuya. Hold her up.”

Crispin blinks before obliging his brother’s request, clamping a hand around your throat. “Is this fine?” he asks you, and you nod a few times. He tightens his hold and pulls you to his toned chest, your hair sticking to his skin from your sweat. Basilio kisses you, then latches on one of your breasts. One gloved hand fondles and pulls at your nipples, while the other moves south to stroke you.

“Ah! I think I’m gonna cum again…” you choked, face red and tears forming at the edge of your eyes.

“Say our names,” Crispin whispers against your ear in a low growl.

You mutter their names at first, but it turns to full blown cries as your climax fast approaches.

“Crispin! Basilio!”

It hits you so hard, your eyes roll to the back of your head. You cried shamelessly, and Crispin places a kiss on your open mouth, tongue slipping in and teeth clashing with yours. He pulls out and finishes on your back, cock resting between the valley of your cheeks, still half-hard.

The Twins move to clean you up, looking around for tissues and anything to wipe you with.

“So,” Basilio says. “One more round?”

Your eyes widen, and you look down to see that Basilio is hard again.

“How- what the fuck? What are you two?”

Crispin sighs. “Hannah and Amie never told you? We’re demigods.”

“We don’t get sick and our injuries heal really fast. Talagbusao is our dad,” Basilio adds, and you give him a disbelieving glare.

“You didn’t need to let that last detail slip out, gago,” Crispin berates him as he pulls you close to his muscular chest. He lay down on a pillow, one arm propping his head up.

After a few seconds of silence, you say something. “At least let me have some water first.”

“Right.”

The Twins stare at each other.

“One of us has to fetch it,” Crispin says.

“What? Why me?” Basilio complains, scratching his head.

“Because I’m older, and I’ve worked hard to give her two orgasms in a row.”

“Hey! I’m sure that last one was thanks to me.”

You groan, grabbing a pillow to cover your face. “Ugh, please don’t turn this into a competition about who made me cum the most. Just get me my water, pretty please, Basilio?”

At the request, Basilio smiles and dresses haphazardly to get it for you. “Don’t start without me.”

You close your eyes with a smile. Crispin buries his face against your hair and plays with it. “You have him wrapped around your finger, you know?”

You chuckle at the remark, and Crispin kisses your temple. “Just don’t hurt my little brother.”

“I have no intention of hurting either of you,” you tell him.

Basilio comes back with a pitcher and some glasses, and once everyone’s hydrated and ready, the night continues.

The Twins spoil you with their attention, hands roaming your body as they planted kisses on your skin. Basilio sucks on your collarbone, biting experimentally and leaving marks that would darken in the morning, which draws a whine from your throat. Not wanting to be outdone, Crispin kisses your back, then the back of your neck, and he found a sweet spot that made you moan at that place where your ear connects to your neck. Basilio observes this and does the same to the other side.

“Hey, um, can I do it in your ass?” Crispin whispers in your ear, almost sheepishly, and you stare at him for a few seconds before nodding.

“Sure. Be gentle. And use a condom.”

“Of course. You go on top. What’s our safeword again?” he asks you, testing your knowledge.

You roll your eyes and try not to laugh. “Eternos.”

“Good girl,” Basilio says.

Flipping yourself around, you lean into Crispin’s lap. “Here, let me help,” you say as you grasp his cock and start to pump. The younger twin behind you reaches for the lube and prepares your ass. You sigh with pleasure as you feel the cold sensation of the product on your skin. Crispin sighs as you slide his length between your lips, head bobbing up and down, and you feel him grow inside your mouth. You give the tip a small lick before doing the same thing you did to Basilio, cupping his balls with your mouth and fondling them with your tongue.

“I want you now,” Crispin rasps, tugging your hair to get you off of him.

You smirk, turning around to give him a great view of your ass. He reaches around for a condom, finds one, and tears the foil open. After sliding the rubber down his shaft, he positions himself against your hole, pressing against the tight ring of muscle. You wince in pain as he starts penetrating you, prompting him to squeeze more lube to relieve your discomfort.

“Relax,” Basilio instructs you, planting soothing kisses at your jaw. You did as he said and unclenched your muscles, entrusting yourself to the two of them.

As Crispin pushes past the ring of muscle, you sigh in relief, discomfort replaced with the feeling of fullness. You lean back into his hard chest, a soft sigh leaving your lips as he starts to move. Meanwhile, Basilio kneels between your legs, rubbing your clit with the head of his dripping cock, but he freezes before he slides it in.

“What?” you ask with concern.

“We’re out of condoms.”

“Just pull out,” you tell him with a strained voice, gasping as Crispin moves inside you.

“No, you don’t understand. We’re demigods. Our… um.. Yeah, we’re really potent.”

You smirk at him. “I’ll ask the girls for something in the morning,” you say against your better judgment. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Cum all over me.”

His cock twitches at your last suggestion.

“Ugh, Basilio, you’re really killing the mood here,” Crispin strains to say, holding you gently by the neck. “I pulled out too, remember? Make up your mind already. I wouldn’t mind having her to myself for now, though.”

“Not a chance,” Basilio retorts, sliding the tip of his cock past your folds and pushing inside.

A loud cry rips from your throat at the sensations, feeling stuffed to the maximum as two cocks start to pump inside you. Crispin’s grip on your neck tightens, while you tangle your hands through Basilio’s hair, pulling him closer and kissing him.

Soon, The Twins find a steady rhythm, syncing their movement so you can feel the full force of their thrusts. Basilio throws one of your legs over his shoulder and begins to massage your clit with his thumb, while Crispin fondles your breasts with his free hand, using the tip of his fingers to roll, squeeze, and pull at your nubs. With every thrust they give, you clench, drawing a groan from both of them as they felt themselves being squeezed by your muscles.

“Oh God,” you whine. “Fuck, you both feel so good.”

“Say our names,” Basilio growls, and you oblige.

You chant their names like a prayer, underscored by the slapping of skin as the Twins fucked both of your holes. Hearing their names only spurred them on, and their movements became more desperate, sweat rolling off of your bodies.

“Basilio! Crispin!”

Underneath you, Crispin gropes at your breast harder, beads of sweat rolling off of his forehead and dripping to your skin. “Your ass feels too good, I’m gonna cum,” he hissed between clenched teeth, and you silently thank Bathala that he’s near his limit. The lube is starting to wash off.

With a few more rough thrusts, he cums, shooting inside the rubber. Crispin cups your jaw and kisses you, deep and sweet, tasting your tongue. You’re on the verge of climax now too, and you give Basilio a desperate look. He understood what you meant.

The younger twin thrusts harder and faster while still rubbing that sensitive nub between your legs furiously, and the older one helps by stimulating your nipples once again. The bombardment of sensation is too much, and you feel white hot heat racing through your body as you cum one last time, voice hoarse as a throaty moan escapes past your open mouth.

The spasm of your muscles is enough to send Basilio over the edge too, pulling out of you and spilling his load all over the mound of your pussy, and your stomach. You feel Crispin slip out of you too. Basilio leans in to kiss you, almost tenderly, but still full of desperation, tongue and teeth.

After a quick cleanup and another drink of water, the three of you lay in a heap of limbs, exhausted. Crispin doesn’t shift at all, content on letting you lie next to him, while Basilio moves next to you, effectively sandwiching you between the two of them on the narrow bed.

Everyone is sated, and with your eyes growing heavy, you wanted nothing but sleep.

“So, who’s better?”

You don’t know who said it, but you raised your hand to give him a middle finger. “Tangina niyo, you’re both good. End of discussion. Now please let me sleep.”

Thank Bathala that they did.

The next morning, all three of you wake up sweaty, stinking, and really, really hungry.

“Good morning to you two,” you sigh, snaking your arms around theirs. Each of them gave you a kiss on your temple. “Damn, I’m starving,” you said, sitting up. “Let’s take a shower and grab something to e-”

Underneath the three of you, the bed’s legs give out, and a loud thud can be heard throughout the house. As you three scramble for purchase, frantic footsteps are approaching, and the door bursts open.

“What was that? Crispin is missing from his room and-” Hank blurts, toting his good ol’ triple barrel shotgun "Ama, Anak, at, Espiritu Santo". Funnily enough, when he sees the tangle of limbs before him, he utters the same words and quickly turns away. Alexandra arrives shortly after, gives them a quick glance, and shuts the door.

Breakfast with their bossing is filled with a mortifying quiet.

You barely touch your food, embarrassment burning your cheeks, and you shoot a glance at your twin lovers.

“Next time, lock the door,” Alex finally says, getting up from the table with a coffee in her hands. She’s too fucking exhausted to deal with this.

“It’s Basilio’s fault!” Crispin yells after her. Basilio made no attempts to defend himself, knowing that he forgot to lock the door again after he came back with the water.

Grumbling, you finally take a bite of your breakfast, jacket draped over your shoulders despite the heat to hide the bruises on your body. “The girls are gonna have a field day when they see me like this.”

“I need to replace the bed,” Basilio mumbles, stuffing his mouth with rice.

The three of you looked at each other, and laughed.

“So, see you next week?” Crispin asks with a smile, and Basilio gives you a pleading, doe-eyed look.

“Yeah. See you two next week.”

Translations for non-English speakers:

tropa: ground of friends. People you chill with

tangina niyo: Filipino profanity. Roughly translates to "you sons of bitches"

Ama, Anak, at Espiritu Santo: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It’s Hank’s weapon’s actual name in the comics.

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cupcakes-and-pain · 2 years

Text

Presents chapter 2

Me? Updating twice in the same day? I know I know, I’m shocked too. But I just had a lot of fun writing this and so I might as well post it now.

masterlist

CW: blood mentions, toxic family, slavery, fear, scars, misunderstandings, Roy being oblivious to everything until reality smacks him in the face

— — —

Roy straightened his tie. Tonight had to be perfect. He knew all it would take was one slight imperfection and Aunt Jude, Uncle Richard, and all the others would be on him about his poor life choices. Somehow they always found a way to blame all his and family’s problems on him and his cousins moving out into the city.

Mike would be there though, and that was nice. He needed someone from outside the family tonight and heaven knows his human friends would never cut it. They’d probably get served up on the menu, actually. The very thought sent a shiver down his spine. He had never been a huge fan of seeing the person he’s feeding from, even volunteers. He’ll take animal blood and pre-packaged blood bags any day, please and thank you.

Good thing Mike had gotten those blood bags, too. Maybe something fancy would show his family that he could still be living a good life without drinking straight from the source.

“Aww, look at our boy, so grown up!” His mum cooed as soon as Roy left the dressing room.

“William! You look so handsome. Is Michael still coming?” Mother said.

“I told you, it’s Roy. And yeah, Mike is, but he’ll be late. Something came up with my present, allegedly.”

“Sorry, Roy dear, I’m just old. But that’s nice, you’ll have a friend to play with now at the party.”

“Mom, I’m not a kid. We won’t be ‘playing’ together or whatever.”

His moms had only the best intentions, of course they did. But they were pretty set in their ways about how he’ll always be their “little baby” and it didn’t seem that they would be changing their attitude any time soon.

- - -

Everyone had already eaten and it was almost time for gifts, and yet still no Mike. Roy was starting to worry when he finally got a call.

“Hey, I’m so sorry man, one of the blood bags turned out to be trouble. Don’t worry, it’s all taken care of now and you’ll have the perfect things to feed off of, no more little issues.”

“Oh, sounds good. What kind of trouble was it? Was it bad blood or something.”

“Haha, that’s a good one. I should write that down next time I have a problem with mine. Bad blood, heh.”

Roy didn’t get what was so funny, but he was just anxious for Mike to get here already. Mike told him that he should be there in ten or so minutes and Roy passed on the message.

“I hope you don’t start taking after your friend. It’s so rude and unprofessional to arrive late to parties,” started his older cousin Dorthy and Roy had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood to be lectured on his birthday.

“I’m here! Traffic cleared right up after I hung up.” Saved by Mike.

“Hey, how are you? Where’s my present?” Roy had expected Mike to be carrying a box or something, but he had nothing. “You didn’t forget it, did you?”

“Haha, so you really have that little faith in me? They’re in the truck, I’ll show you them right now. Also they’re not really an it, you know? They’re more than that.”

“Uh, aren’t they just fancy bags of blood?”

“Man, that’s harsh. But to each their own I guess. Just try and be gentle with these little guys, they’ve been through the wringer a few times.”

Be gentle? Been through the wringer? Made the bags were antique or something, but it’s weird that Roy has never heard of anything like this. Them being vintage made the most sense, since these were supposed to be very nice and probably expensive bags. But something about Mike’s tone seemed off. Roy felt he was missing something.

“Okay, come over here and see your gift. I got you some really pretty ones too.”

Roy started walking over to where his friend and some family had already gathered, all peering into the truck bed and whispering. Roy tried to crane his neck to see the bags, but two people were sitting in front of them.

As he walked over to see what everyone else was talking about, his mind started to wander. Why was Mike acting so weird? Why was his family mumbling and smirking like that when they hated even the idea of drinking out of bags? And most importantly, who were these two people and why were their eyes boring into him like he was a threat-?

Wait a minute. The small round scars sprinkled across the neck and wrists. The heavy make up, especially blushed cheeks to make them appear more full of life. The scared eyes watching everyone’s mouths and flinching when they opened. These were blood slaves, which could mean only one thing.

Oh. Ohhhhh. It all made sense now. When Mike said blood bags, he… Roy stood there for a moment, letting the horrifying pieces click into place. Mike hadn’t meant the actual bag kind, did he?

Oh dear, this wasn’t good. The papers were probably already signed. He was now the official owner of these poor human slaves.

That’s what they were, really. Call them what you will, Blood Bags, pets, companions, but at the end of the day they were slaves forced or, in this case, raised to serve vampires obediently and without question until their own loyalty kills them.

Even though it sickened him, Roy had to admit they were pretty. Little yellow bows had been tied over their collars and they both had clean clothes on. And how he could forget that stupid make up that made them look so full of blood, youth, and life. The two resembled perfect dolls as dressed up.

No doubt they must look so dead and desolate underneath all these nice things.

“So, do you like them?”

“I… don’t know what to say.” And he truly didn’t. He wanted to scream and shout and punch something, but he knew he couldn’t. For one thing, his family would be on him like a pack of wolves for the improperness of it. And much more importantly, he knew what happened to blood slaves who weren’t wanted and it wasn’t pretty. He needed to wait at least a few weeks before passing the pair off to the next person and giving an excuse along the lines of “they’re very well behaved and still, but not what I’m looking for at the moment.”

“W- Roy, sweetie, you look upset. Don’t you love your gift that Micheal spent so much time and money to get you?” His mum asked.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, of course. I’m sorry everyone, I’m not upset at all, just tired from all the, uh, partying. I’m still excited and grateful for the other gifts too. Just a little… a little deflated I guess.”

“I bet you wouldn’t be so tired if you drank real blood more often. These pets will be good for you. You might finally start acting like a vampire and not a child.” Some uncle commented. Roy didn’t even care enough to see which one it was.

“Well, uh…” Mike began but then stopped, looking around awkwardly.

“Thank you for the gift, really. I can tell you put a lot of thought and care into choosing the right ones and I really appreciate that. I’m going to bring them inside and then we can continue with the party. Sounds good everyone?”

Half hearted cheers and agreements were heard all around. They were expecting him to feed then and there. Like that would ever happen. But they would bring it up later, especially his nosy aunties.

The next month or so would be one of constant stress and increasingly bothersome lies. How delightful.

— — —

tag list @kim-poce @badluck990 @whumpy-writings @imagination1reality0@thecitythatdoesntsleep @wolfeyedwitch just ask to be added or removed!

#Presents #Roy the vampire #drop the human #dew the human #Mike the vampire #Roy’s Moms #blood mention #scars #fear #toxic family #misunderstandings #vampire caretaker #human whumpee #multiple whumpees #you don’t have to pay attention to the family members. I only named them to make it seem more realistic.#also shout out to Mike sticking up a little for the humans when he thinks his buddy is being rude #I forgot to tag #my writing

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lollytea · 3 years

Note

Hi! I love you Shageera fic! The fandom is so small and your fic is so good, I can't thank you enough! And I wanted to ask you, do you have any headcanon about their relationship outside of Talespin? In the original Jungle Book "canon" or some other AU? I'd love to hear them if you do have them, your takes are gold!

Hi! Thank you so much!!

Hmmm. All the versions of shagheera in my head follows the same basic story structure of “friends as kids, grow apart as they get older, reconnect as adults” EXCEPT for the jungle book/canon universe, where the first two DO apply to them (thank you jungle cubs for making that canon, idk where I’d be without jungle cubs canon.) but they continue to keep their distance from each other once they’re grown. I mean Khan tried to kill Bagheera’s kid AND his bear husband. I don’t think they ever can bounce back from that one. They got bad blood and they probably always will.

Unless….just kidding…..unless….

I think about the plot of this cancelled third jungle book movie very often. Yeah it would’ve been bad but….but….but adult Khan and Bagheera might have interacted. Also I wanna know how the fuck a shere khan redemption arc is written. Not very well probably but I still wanna see it. I think Disney should send me the script to this film. As a gift. I think I deserve it. It’s not like they want it. Hand it over, lads.

ANYWAY

Besides the talespin universe, I’ve got like two shagheera AUs

Treasure Planet AU — Bagheera is a scholar and astronomer who comes aboard Captain Shere Khan’s ship. The two know recognize each other as the childhood friend they used to play pirates with. So, rather ironic circumstances they’ve found themselves in. Neither know how to react to reuniting so they’re pretty awkward about it and refuse to acknowledge that they were ever close. They mostly interact with the distant politeness of people who barely know each other and strictly refer to the other Captain/Doctor (unless circumstances are dire) But they’re gonna be stuck on this ship together for the next few weeks so they better figure out what the fuck their relationship is.

Bagheera is deeply out of his element. He’s intimidated by the crew and he doesn’t know how to handle a weapon so he considers himself rather useless on this expedition. He’s never even held a pistol before and now he’s expected to know how to shoot one. He’s so frazzled that he nearly (accidentally) shoots Khan dead at one point. But he wouldn’t be Bagheera if he wasn’t stubbornly insisting that he knows what he’s doing, especially when the captain shoots some sardonic comment his way. The two get into more squabbles than he cane keep track of.

Shere Khan is exasperated with the doctor, with the boy he brought aboard, with the entire idiot crew he hired, but especially with the doctor. He attempts to keep himself composed but he keeps stooping to the most childish arguments and he feels like the presence of Bagheera is forcibly dragging him back 25 years every time they interact. Shere Khan does not know how to feel about that.

Shere Khan finds himself having to acknowledge that Bagheera is brilliant. Due to the doctor’s calculations, the ship avoided the waves of impact during a difficult path through a black hole and he’s the reason they got out alive. He never felt all that much admiration for the little brainiac when they were children but now he is absolutely blowing him away.

Bagheera starts spending more time in Shere Khan’s office because it’s the only place he feels comfortable. (The crew really creeps him out.) and they do everything from argue to discuss alternate routes to pour over the map. This evolves to Shere Khan teaching Bagheera what he knows about wielding a sword and they have many homoerotic sparring sessions. Sometimes they’ll lay out in the escape boats and Bagheera will teach Khan the names of all his favourite constellations. They have many homoerotic star gazing sessions. BASICALLY they have a gay space pirate love story but it’s behind the scenes stuff cuz Kit is the protagonist of this au and he doesn’t give a fuck what Shere Khan and Bagheera are doing.

They are forced to acknowledge that they care about each other when the stakes get more dangerous and both have their near death experiences, rattling the other considerably. At the very least they start calling each other by their first names again ❤️

Fairytale/ Dragon Princess AU — OKAY i don’t think I’ve ever publicly posted about this au so I won’t unpack all of it cuz I know y’all aren’t familiar with it. It’s mostly focused on Baloo/Rebecca and the bear family as a whole but Shagheera is involved too so I’ll focus on that part for now.

So basically Shere Khan was a kid prince and Bagheera was the son of a servant so, as the only two children in the castle, they’ve been playmates since before they could walk.

The only other children they interacted with were Bagheera’s friends (Baloo, Louie etc.) and Shere Khan’s wife-to-be, Princess Rebecca. Their parents arranged the engagement and neither Khan or Rebecca were thrilled about it. As they grow older, Bagheera leaves the palace to make his own way and he and Khan don’t keep in touch.

By the time they were young adults, mysterious circumstances paused Shere Khan and Rebecca’s upcoming marriage when word spread around that the princess had been horribly cursed and locked away in a tower. Details were sparse, even to her fiancé. All that was known was that she had last been seen talking with a man who had a reputation for being a dark mage and it can be deduced that he was the one behind the curse.

But before she disappeared, Rebecca sent Khan a letter begging him to please not retrieve her from the tower, warning him that whoever ventured out to save her would not make it back alive. Khan obliged of course, both because he respected her wishes and if she returned, he would have to marry her.

As a king, Shere Khan had excellent publicity. He was charming and charismatic in public, masking the fact that he was an absolute bitch in private. He was also obliged to act like he cared about his fiancée being returned to his side so every now and then he allowed whatever arrogant glory seeking fool who offered, to go “save” her. None of them lived.

Years later, Khan drops into an ancient, desolate library on the outskirts of town, hoping to find a particular book on plants. It’s after midnight, so he doesn’t have to deal with the scandal of the king being out and about. And who does he find between the shelves, bathed in the dim glow of oil lamps, but Bagheera, snoring on the floor in a pile of open books.

This begins a tentative acquaintanceship in which Khan escapes to the library every now and again for a change of scenery and to meet with Bagheera, who lives on the floor above.

It doesn’t take long for Shere Khan to learn Bagheera’s reputation. As it turns out, the passionate yet introverted scholar with books on the brain, is allegedly the “dark mage” that put a curse on Rebecca all those years ago. This would explain why his library is always empty. Everyone in town is petrified of him.

Rather than turn to anger or fear, Shere Khan can only feel disbelief and intrigue because whatever rumors are going around are clearly fabricated. He challenges Bagheera to perform some evil little spell for him, summon hellbeasts if he must. But Bagheera falters and it is revealed that underneath that reputation is a bit of a sham. Bagheera has been trying for years to become an adept mage but he just can’t get the hang of it. His spell-work is terrible. Always has been.

“Well surely you can’t have cursed the princess then?” Shere Khan reasons. But that’s not exactly true. Yes, Bagheera was not behind the original curse but when Rebecca came to him for help, he accidentally made it so so much worse. Bagheera is the reason shes been forced to hide herself away in a tower and he’s been spending all these years attempting to improve his magic so he can finally undo what he’s done.

And so Fairytale/Dragon Princess AU is a fantasy love story where Shere Khan attempts to help Bagheera effectively channel his magic. The fun part about it is magic is intricately tied to a persons emotional state so when you’re having homoerotic little scenes with your childhood buddy and he touches your forearm, you nearly set the whole goddamn library ablaze. Real gay shit.

I have run out of steam and cannot ramble anymore. Hope I have pleased you.

#this is very rambly and not very arresting I am sorry #I had a lot to say but not the worlds to say them

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corancoranthemagicalman · 3 years

Text

Saw a Dean Smith post and had to go off.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Dean Smith is a simple man. An average man. He orders salads from the cafe down the street. Talks to the other people on his floor when he steps out for his coffee. Has a unicorn laugh that errupts from his office on occasion. He’s sociable, competent, and attractive. There’s only one problem all the single women on the floor have with him.

His wife.

The elusive Mrs. Smith—to the office’s knowledge—is a secretary. They met in a smaller office in a smaller town. When they moved to the city, Dean got the job in Sales here at Sandover. The Mrs. Smith has a secretorial position for some small business that Dean isn’t particularly fond of. What—or rather who—Dean is terribly fond of is his wife. It puts a damper on prospecting flirtations.

He’s whipped. He blushes speaking about the better half. He keeps his personal life personal, but he can’t help but to gush about her garden. Speak for minutes on end about her hobbies and beeboxes. She’s terrible and terribly good for him in one fell swoop, all of Sandover collectively agrees. Even if it breaks a few hearts.

It all started when Sharon from Accounting ran into him at the coffeemaker in the break room.

Rumors over at the water cooler say that Sharon had asked Dean what his opinions were on some new paranormal show that her husband is obsessed with. Sam Wesson, a large man for an IT nerd, had suggested documentaries to her. Sharon had appreciated that, as it gave her some attempt to understand her husband’s newfound hobby.

Anyway, Sharon ended up asking Dean about said paranormal show to which Dean replied with a scoffed laugh.

“Ghosts?” He had reportedly chuckled. “I don’t believe in ghosts.” And that’s quoting Sharon from Accounting. If you believe that.

So Mark from Sales who is friends with Maria from Accounting who is in the cubicle next to Sharon asked Dean if he believed in aliens.

“Aliens I believe in,” he allegedly nodded. “We don’t know what’s out there. We do know what’s here, and it’s not ghosts.”

Sam Wesson from IT vehemently disagreed, but such is his way. He’s eccentric and weird.

Then Mark told Carol who told Beck who told Raj who told Ramona that Dean Smith didn’t beleive in ghosts. This would have been an unremarkable gossip circle except that Ramona works in HR, so when the office was planning on throwing Dean Smith, head of Sales, a party, Ramona decided a ghost themed party would be a gag.

It was a gag. It ran over smoothly, of course, and everyone was graced with a unicorn laugh.

“Cas is gonna get a kick out of this,” he reportedly chuckled, holding one of the paper ghosts Becky—also from HR—painstakingly cut. The person next to him was Rufus, an older fellow who has a good comradery with Dean even as much as they butt heads.

“Does Cas believe in ghosts?” Jillian asked the important follow up question.

“Believe?” Dean reportedly grinned. “Cas works for those uh—what are there names. Phantom Chasers.” He snapped his hands, trying recall the name.

Sam Wesson from IT piped up. “Ghostfacers?”

Dean pointed at the gargatuan IT. “Yeah, those guys!” He shook his head. “Cas could’ve got a position at any place, but they were hiring. Says the work ain’t too bad, and the pay might not be too cushy, but it’s better than the last place Cas was pushin’ pencils for.”

There was a sageful nod of apprecation at that. Sandover is not many people’s first stop. The office knows how awful the mountains of paperwork and corporte ladders can be. Dean seems to live comfortably, and seems to make sure Cas—because that’s what Mrs. Smith’s name is—is comfortable too. They went to the fancy lobster place three blocks over for their anniversary.

And the office only knows pieces. Knows that Bobby Smith is Dean’s father. That he was more of a father than Cas’ birth father—some man named Chuck. That Dean’s sister Jo adores Cas—but who doesn’t? Dean often says. It’s an endearing picture, even if after the Ghost Party things get... strange.

“Cas came home with ectoplasm.” He allegedly scoffed. “Do you know how much of a bitch ectoplasm is to get out of dress pants? Because now, apparently, I do.”

And the office can’t tell if Dean believes now or takes her excuses, but now Sam Wesson and Dean Smith talk in the elevator and Sharon talks to Dean about that paranormal show in the break room.

It comes to a head though after the third suicide in the office.

Everyone is on edge. It’s terrifying. The sales were great! The benefits... alright. Definitely not enough for this mass suicide that seems to be plaguing the office suddenly.

“Listen, it’s...” Dean’s sigh could be heard from outside of his office. “Can you just come see if it’s a ghost or not?” He reportedly begged.

Obviously, no one could hear the other end of the conversation, but they could��hear the exasperated and fond, “love you, dear” that followed—even if they were pressed up against the closed office door to hear it. At least that’s what the reports say.

That’s how the Ghostfacers, Ed and Harry and Co, end up storming Sandover. They’re gangly and awkward, but they seem to know what they’re doing. Sandover be damned, but it is a ghost. They come walking out with a steaming trap and the promise to dispose of it.

“If they knew who the, er, guy was they’d be able to smoke him or something,” Dean explained awkwardly to Danny from Marketing, according to reports. “But since they don’t they just... trap them. That’s how Cas explained it.”

Sam Wesson from IT seemed more interersted than Danny. Even if the goliath was cradling his injured arm. Beck reported that Sam and Dean had swooped in to save Danny at the last moment. Danny was just pale and shaking from his near encounter with said ghost in the face of Dean’s reassurances.

“You’re not getting a disounct, Smith, just ‘cause you’re married into the family.” Ed, the one not holding the smoking trap, spoke.

Dean furrowed his brow. “Family?” He asked in disbelief.

“The Ghostfacers family,” Harry, the one with the trap, nodded. “Cas is a part of the Ghostfacers family. But you don’t get a family discount.” He turned to one of their crew cameras. “We don’t do family discounts.”

Ed hissed, blocking the camera’s view of Harry before he turned back to Dean. “But! Since we’re so nice, we’ll discount the disposal fee.”

“So you... will do a family discount?” Sam Wesson from IT questioned, eyeing the cameras cautiously. Like a moose out in the wild afraid of photographers. This is how the reports recorded it.

“No,” Ed huffed. “But Cas said you make a mean BBQ. And we do trades.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Real nice. Thanks.”

The doors to the office floor opened and a man with round glasses, soft and dark hair, and worried eyes made a dramatic entrance on to the scene. “Dean?”

Then tension in Dean’s shoulders eased, and the Mrs. Smith smile stretched across his face. This is based on the reports of Raj who is completely unbiased to the phenomena of Dean’s Mrs. Smith smile. “Cas,” he let out in a breath, taking his hand away from his forehead where he was pressing gauze into his wound.

Dean Smith and Sam Wesson were, apparently, brazenly brave and exceedingly difficult to work with—according to the Ghostfacers. They were, however, efficient with iron.

The man—Cas—as the office will later recount, sighed with relief as he neared Dean. He rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder, checking the forehead wound with his opposite hand.

“Maggie’s report back to the office said civilian casualities minimal,” Cas—Cas?!—explained. “That usually means someone tried doing something stupid.”

“So you just assumed it was me?” Dean huffed, still wearing his Mrs—Mr—Smith smile.

Cas gave his version of the Mr. Smith smile. Something a bit smaller on his lips but dragging at his eyes. “It usually is,” he spoke fondly, intimately. The office doesn’t talk much about what happened next. Most folk, the decent ones, gave the whispered confessions the privacy they deserved.

At the next office party, since Ramona moved to the Miami branch, it was Buford’s time to organize. It was fancy shindig and it was plus one. Sharon brought her ghost hobbyist husband who hit it off with both Sam Wesson from IT—who brought his fianceé, a nurse—and Castiel Smith—Dean Smith’s infamous plus one. They talked for an hour in their own corner before Dean absconded his husband.

“I’ve got to get something from my office,” he reportedly whispered, seeming rather husky in his demeanor. “Help me?”

And even if people in the office heard something from Dean Smith’s office, well, no one was too keen on repeating that.

#tw canonical suicide mention (It's A Terrible Life)#original characters #destiel #destiel au #spn #spn ficlet #spn fic #ghostfacers #dean smith #destiel fic

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ruby-whistler · 3 years

Text

hey, so!! i was in the car for a couple of hours yesterday and all i did was listen to music and make animatics in my head. so here are a few songs i thought i could ramble about that fit certain arcs/characters

pitiful children - be more chill

starring:

c!wilbur as squip

c!tommy as jeremy

l’manberg as the squip’s influence

l’manberg members as “the children”

c!dream as the confused guy in the background

“then i invaded” because that’s what. yes. c!wilbur moment.

basically, he’s convincing tommy that everyone is “incomplete” or “in pain” because of the “obsolete operating system” that is dream’s “rule”. that’s a lot of quotation marks right there. he’s saying how they’re going to “save” them by making them loyal (“let’s complete their chains”) to l’manberg. “let’s teach the pitiful children, who just haven’t a clue, just what to do” - you know, the whole “you’re naive, that’s good” thing because c!wilbur is scarily smart.

he’s trying to make c!tommy think the world will be better - “shiny happy people singing sweetly, gone is human error and fear” (again, criticizing c!dream) - if they make l’manberg and if l’manberg wins. the usual.

“every issue tucked away so neatly, if you feel a sob or tear, just turn that knob and switch that gear” probably my favorite lyric in the musical. this could be c!wilbur hiding the fact that he has Issues because of the stress he’s putting on himself, as well as the fear of being controlled, via trying to gain more power with the elections and pretending that he is fine and definitely not spiraling.

the next “pitiful children” switches into wilbur trying to convince dream to give him the tnt to “save” people. jeremy changes from tommy to dream; dream sees tommy beaten down and exhausted from the rebellion and does what he thinks is necessary.

the instrumental pause are the events of the 16th, and the next chorus and last upbeat verse is dream thinking everything will be “wonderful” again and no one will feel “left out or unsure”, that he can fix what wilbur broke - that he can have his happy family back, and being determined to get it. “when we rule” refers to the final disc confrontation and the vault.

basically, the song could be used for c!dream and c!wilbur’s parallels.

over all it’s a banger song. yes i did have a bmc phase, next.

unaligned - the undertale neutral route fansong

c!ranboo, 100%. it matches him so well.

“The brave and foolish ones

They walk not on the center

The signs are pointing every way

And I don't know which route's better

Some will take the fall

And some will see tomorrow

I could be the light or darkness

Redemption or sorrow

How could I live on with what I've done?

You took me in, showed me love when I had nowhere to run

You offered me your everything and I threw it all away

My indecision keeps me unaligned”

this could be his regrets for technically “betraying” l’manberg by helping c!techno and c!phil even though they gave him a home when he had no place to stay. could also apply to the community house and c!dream, with him not wanting to believe or “live on” with what he’s allegedly done.

his indecision, not wanting to be on any side, is what keeps him “unaligned”, because he doesn’t know “which route’s better”. light or darkness matches up with his aesthetic as well.

bring that fire - war*hall

looping this song for hours on end is the reason why i made this infamous post.

this is a dream smp army (sapnap, dream, george, punz) song, no questions asked. the freaking hype i feel is exactly the rush i got from seeing them kill it. it being l’manbergians - and, hey, look. i never said dream was some weak-minded woobified idiot, alright? i despise l’manberg with my soul, so that is the true evil, but in the l’manberg war, dream’s a brilliant anti-hero. he did kill people, but he was very fun doing it, and he was in the right, and they asked for it, so. anti-hero vibes.

as well as everyone else - i freaking love them, did i say that yet? yes, so these lyrics really match their ruthlessness and how they were determined to win, taking it further and further to assure victory (beloveds) -

“No stopping me

Breaking barriers

I keep on crushing it till I am done

I didn't get here by accident

No I've been gunning it since I was young

Better believe I'll be standing

There ain't no moon that can outturn the sun

I didn't get here by accident

No I've been gunning it since I was young

Second to none

Been gunning it since I was young

I'm standing at the edge now

It's about to go down

I'm gonna take it higher

It's time for me to light it

So they can't deny it

Ay!

Bring that fire!”

“If you take a shot, boy, you better not miss

'Cuz it won't ever happen again

You gonna wake up and not even know what your name is or where you have been

Better be ready to bleed if you think that you have any hope for a win”

“I never go dim

'Cuz I only know how to win”

i miss them. bring them back. i want them to fight more revolutionaries. they only know how to win and they Freaking Did LET’S GOOOOOOOOO

song’s a banger idk where or when it’s from but please listen to it.

pity party - melanie martinez

dream stuck alone in prison feeling his sanity slip away from him piece by piece in isolation, wondering where everyone is and why they aren’t coming :)

“did my invitations disappear? why’d i put my heart on every cursive letter? tell me why the hell no one is here?”

like, you know. people who he still cared about. the thank you notes he made. also, exile arc parallels.

“tell me what to do to make it all feel better”

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

[ Dream went up in flames ]

“maybe it’s a cruel joke on me, whatever”

sam being cruel to him, dream being convinced everyone hates him and he deserves this after all, forcing himself not to care.

“i’ll cry until the candles burn down this place

i’ll cry until my pity party’s in flames”

[ Dream burned to death ]

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

“maybe if I knew all of them well i wouldn't have been trapped inside this hell that holds me”

pandora’s box - maybe if he had more allies, more friends, more people on his side, they’d not let him suffer like this. they’d come help him, get him out.

“i’m laughin', i’m cryin'”

the whole ‘laughing at tommy’s death’ bit as well as the fact that - yeah, he’s not been doing very well mentally in there, has he.

“it feels like i’m dyin'

i’m dyin', i’m dyin'”

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

[ Dream burned to death ]

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

[ Dream went up in flames ]

that’s all! i don’t know what this post is. feel free to send in songs, i have a playlist.

#dream smp #ruby’s rambles #implied sh #long post

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nitewrighter · 3 years

Note

We've had Uncle Hanzo reading to little Rei but what about little Rei reading to Hanzo?

“Omnicode cipher one-one-eight-Delta-B underscore six is for...” 5-year-old Rei yawned, “Puhhh--pace--Peace!” She was tucked practically into a ball against Hanzo’s side, with Hanzo’s arm draping across the back of the loveseat, arching over her as he leaned his head back and rested his eyes. The late afternoon sun was streaming through the window and turning the insides of his eyelids sepia-red. A part of him knew he would probably stay awake if he took his hoodie off, but Rei was leaning against him and had finally seemed to stop fidgeting and he didn’t want to reset her posture by the action. He felt Rei nudge against him and he blinked his eyes open.

“I was listening--” he said, his voice a little groggy.

“But is it right?” asked Rei.

Hanzo gave a glance down to the page, the text was laid out in both english and Omnicode, with blocky, vivid illustrations showing a human and an omnic holding hands with yellow sunbeams streaming behind them and the Omnicode character for ‘Peace’ smack dab in the center of the sun. One corner of his mouth tugged up. Zenyatta had lent the book, Omnicode Adventure, to them to ask their opinion on it before the Shambali would publish it as a sort of gesture of goodwill between humans and omnics, but Hanzo wasn’t sure if a 144 character language with numerous complex context-and-sequence-shifted meanings translated all that well to a children’s book. It certainly felt far from an adventure.

“Yes, it’s right,” said Hanzo and Rei turned the page.

“Omnicode cipher one-one-eight-Delta-B underscore seven is for....” Rei rubbed her eyes, “Family. Also Proh--uh...”

“Sound it out,” said Hanzo.

“Prooodue-”

“Little ‘u’ sound.”

“Produc--Produc-tee-own.”

“Production.”

“Production Seeress.”

“Production series.”

“Production series,” Rei nodded as she repeated.

The illustration for this cipher featured both a human family on one page and a group of identical omnics standing with their arms slung around each others’ shoulders on the other. Rei turned the page, rubbing one eye before adjusting her hold on the book.

“Omnicode cipher one-one-eight Delta-C underscore one is for---” Rei started to read when the door to the living room opened and McCree walked in, sighing and stretching.

“You would not believe what happened with Jack at Winston’s latest--” McCree paused at the sight of Rei on the couch, “Oh hey, Sunshine.”

“Uncle Jesse, I’m reading!” she said.

“Oh yeah?” said McCree, setting a bag down in one of the chairs before plopping on the other side of Rei on the couch, “Something happen with Ange?”

“Something about a vid-com emergency meeting with one of her colleagues,” said Hanzo, with a hand wave, “And with Genji on that mission in Numbani... Rei gets to spend the afternoon with us.”

“And I’m reading,” Rei said again, a bit of that Genji theatrical cockiness in her voice this time.

“I can see that,” said McCree with a chuckle.

“Zenyatta was kind enough to lend us a book to read,” said Hanzo.

“Really?” said Jesse, “Because you can’t get over your grudge against Little Lamby Lambkins?”

“Ha-ha,” said Hanzo drily, “No, this one is more... educational. If you want, I could get started on dinner while you take over.”

“Oh well you know I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” said McCree, taking his hat off before looking at Rei, “What do you think, Sunshine? You wanna read that book to me?”

Rei excitedly gasped and bounced over to McCree’s side of the couch, shuffling her shoulders a little as she pushed under his arm and flipped the book back open.

Freedom, thought Hanzo with a slight smile, pushing up from the couch.

McCree noticed the relative thickness of the book, but had assumed it was some kind of large board book, but as Rei turned the page, his brow crinkled with concern.

“Omnicode cipher one-one-eight Delta-C underscore one is for... Life,” Rei read, as McCree looked over the illustration of an omnic in some kind of farmer’s outfit looking fondly at a butterfly in its metal hand, while framed by greenery filled with more butterflies, birds, and flowers. “Omnicode cipher one-one-eight Delta-C underscore two is for life, sue--”

“’uh’ sound,” said McCree.

“Suuuhh-Sub-c-c-aaate---”

“Sub-cat-eg-or-ee,” said McCree, pointing at different sections of the word with his finger.

“Subcattergory,” Rei said, “Nuh-on-orr-gan-ick. Subcattergory Nonorganic!”

“Great job, kiddo,” said McCree, trying to will up the mental energy to correct her on the pronunciation of ‘Subcategory’ but at the same time it was well within her own half-Swiss-German, half-Japanese quirks of speaking.

“What’s nonorganic?” said Rei.

“...Zen’s nonorganic,” said McCree after a few seconds of thought.

“No, Master Zenyatta’s Omnic,” Rei corrected.

“That, too,” said McCree smiling a little. Rei seemed satisfied with this and kept reading.

“Omnicode cipher one-one-eight Delta-C underscore three is for life, subcattergory... Non?” she looked at McCree.

“Non,” said McCree, nodding.

“Non-sen-tee-ent life,” said Rei, “What’s ‘nonsentient?’”

Someone’s going to have to break it to Zenyatta that this is a terrible easy-to-read book, thought Hanzo, rinsing some rice off in the sink.

“Nonsentient means uh... like... plants? Like... living things but... they don’t uhh... think?” McCree’s voice trailed off a little helplessly.

“Like Junkrat?” said Rei.

“Well, no, Junkrat thinks... allegedly,” said McCree, “They’re talking about more like... uh... mushrooms and stuff. Mushrooms are alive, y’know?”

“Mushrooms...” Rei repeated thoughtfully.

“Hey sunshine?” said McCree.

“Yeah?” said Rei.

“Is uh... is the whole book like this?” McCree was trying to keep a smile up but his brow was crinkling.

“Uh huh!” said Rei.

“Do you wanna maybe... switch to an easier book?” McCree rubbed the back of his neck.

“But Master Zenyatta gave me this one! We have to finish it!” said Rei, clearly offended.

“Okay, all right, we can keep goin’...” said McCree with a shrug.

Rei turned the page and started reading again. “Omnicode Cipher One-one-eight---”

As Rei read, McCree’s head swung around to look at the kitchen, where Hanzo was serenely slicing some onion. Jesse summoned his best, ‘I miscalculated, please help me, I love you’ face. Hanzo paused only momentarily to look up to meet his gaze and gave Jesse the smuggest, most cat-like, shit-eating ‘Suffer’ grin. There was a glint of ‘Oh you bastard’ in McCree’s eyes before he turned his attention to Rei, now struggling through the Omnicode cipher for the Turing test and its later variants. And of course he had to explain to her what a Turing test was. And the variants.

Hanzo let Rei’s chatter and hesitant sounding-out of syllables, and McCree’s stilted murmuring explanations fade to background noise as he fell into the motions of cooking. He wasn’t sure if it was ten or 15 minutes that had passed, but the savory smells of onion simmering in dashi filled the kitchen and lingered with rice cooker steam when McCree’s voice hoarsely drifted over.

“Hanzo--You gotta help me.”

“Mm?” Hanzo glanced up, turned down the heat on the stove, and toweled off his hands as he headed out of the kitchen to the living room. Rounding around the couch, he saw that Rei was asleep, one arm strung tight around McCree’s waist and her face smooshed against McCree’s side.

“She conked out around Omnicode cipher something-something epsilon. She’s like a vice,” McCree whispered.

“Mm-hmm,” said Hanzo, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening the camera.

“Don’t just take pictures, help me out of this!” McCree hissed.

“Can you pretend to be asleep? It’s cuter that way,” said Hanzo, adjusting the lighting on the camera.

“I am not gonna pretend to be asleep, just so you can---” McCree heard the beep of the camera prepping and closed his eyes and relaxed his head slightly as Hanzo took the picture.

“You will and you did,” said Hanzo, tapping at his phone’s screen.

“That was for the doc and Genji and you know it,” muttered McCree.

“Mm-hmm,” said Hanzo, gently adjusting the lighting on the photo he had just taken and briefly puzzling over adding a ‘hearts and sparkles’ filter before deciding against it.

“...this is where all the displaced Yakuza boss evil goes, isn’t it?” said McCree.

“You love it,” said Hanzo, posting the photo to the family group chat.

“Mark me, Hanzo, had it not been for our 5 year old biotic mutant ninja niece currently threatening to break one of my ribs I would have cussed you out by now.”

“She’s not a mutant and she’s not going to break your ribs,” said Hanzo, bending and crisply kissing McCree on the temple before heading back into the kitchen.

“You don’t know that. I could be in danger right now.”

“Dinner’s in another 10 minutes,” Hanzo said airily from the kitchen.

“Save me, Han.”

“No.”

#mchanzo #follow for more Gency kid facts

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