#like school stuff even tho i dont have much
Text
week one of school and i already lost all motivation to draw in my freetime :/
#HWURTHGWRTIJOGIWRJT#guhuhurhguhhhfhurh#ughhhhhhhhh#this sucks#thats why i drew anime vic fontaine if you really want to know#its cuz i opened the ipad and literally couldnt draw#i dont know what to draw and also i feel very strange about it because#i always feel like i should be doing other work#like school stuff even tho i dont have much
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps
#i JUST want to experience high school#without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on#i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades#not... That#i never had that im never going to have that#can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university#fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama#i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates#or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance#i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life#i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones#rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life#and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems#like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation#but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited#i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try#because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health#the MILDEST#i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT#and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough#the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem'#i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over#thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust#thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them#yk?#and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture#i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy bday to me! 🎂🥳🎉
for this very special day i wanted to list and compare the presents and interactions i got in the mobile games ive been playing consistently lmao
under cut cause the pics are big
Time Princess
A letter with 10 golden tickets, 100 stamina, and 10000 coins
Obey Me! Nightbringer
1 UR+, UR, and SSR Joker each
3 Demon Vouchers
30 Karma Points
200 AP
30000 Grim
50 Devil Points
Along with a bday video, birthday calls from the characters throughout the day and a UR guarantee for a 10 pull
There's half-off on Devil Tree unlocks
There's also special birthday dialogue in the Surprise Guests:
-- the first Surprise Guest I did gave me 30 more Devil Points
-- and you can press anywhere on the boys and get max hearts :]
What in HELL is Bad
They haven't implemented bday stuff yet so nothing (´。＿。｀)
Twisted Wonderland
A Happy Birthday from the character you have set as your favorite card and a Tenfold Key Set (for rolls)
and last but not least.....*drum roll* 🥁🥁🥁
Love and Deepsace!
Special Happy Birthdays from each guy which include them singing happy birthday to you :3
Birthday Dialogue on the home screen
Presents from each one (items you can use to decorate their desks)
500 Diamonds
5 Empyrean Wishes
1 Bottle of Wishes: SSR
1 Energy Capsule: Powerful
And 2 birthday stickers
#so whb is technically in last place but since its a newer game ill let it pass this year#so time princess is next in line for last place#its a fine gift but since they dont have any characters saying happy birthday it doesnt do much for me#nightbringer kinda surprised me!#i was expecting a call and some devil points#but this is a lot more then i expected :3c#also i go crazy for free UR+ Jokers#i was thinking of adding regular obey me but decided to skip it since i only really just log in for dailies for the most part#(and i dont even do that everyday if im not feeling it)#also theyre practically the same minus the calls (but i have the old ones that i havent listened to yet still)#twst was cute nothing too crazy#(thank you for ur presence lilia)#i liked love and deepspaces happy bdays from the characters a lot because they sang lmao 😭#also i feel very special from them saying all this nice stuff about hoping that i get what i want and that i stay healthy and stuff dwsiiws#it feels like obey me has more in character interactions BUT when i think it about it more#deepspace has the models actually hand you gifts#also the moment you have with the characters feels more personal#but tbf theres more obey me characters and you do get those calls throughout the whole day! (also they give more stuff imo)#so i cant really pick which one i liked more :d#dutp#obey me nightbringer#twisted wonderland#love and deepspace#im now 26....#oh jeez#long post#still doing the same shit i was doing in middle school uashusha (i mean playing dating games)#my personality has refined over the years tho#anyways im gonna celebrate tomorrow with my family :]#this is the end of my post tho ill probably post about the asmo phone call later
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
🐇☁️🌷🐌
#seeing her actually went so much better than i thought it would#i was so anxious but there were no issues at all#the thing is she's such a chill and understanding person she really dont care if i jumble my words or say smth wrong or whatever#i dont need to worry abt sounding 'stupid' bc she just doesnt see it that way#so yeah my anxiety disappeared pretty quick c:#(i still feel like there's a wall between me and others tho my avpd isnt cured skskks)#and it was just nice. we walked a loooot. and sat by the beach and talked#she gave me lots of tips and advice abt applying for jobs and school stuff. she doesnt judge me for being 25 and not having started yet#and she's gonna start studying next year and suggested that we could study together sometimes to motivate eo#so hmmmm maybe it went a lot better than my doom mind thought it would#i rlly do believe ppl hate me but why would she even bother talking to me then??#so yeah it was a nice experience :3#it's been like 6yrs since i hung out w someone that wasnt my mom and it reallyyy is good for my mental health#i still feel like ohhh this isnt the friendship im craving but there are tons of different friendships. this is nice just bc it is.#i shouldnt let myself minimize it or think it's 'not real' just bc it isnt exactly what i long for. this is good still.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i havent been wanting to get out of bed in the morning at all lately :((#i just dont want to :((#today i should be going to the gym w my mom nd then stop by the store nd library#tmrw i have to go to school#but omg i rllyyyyy dont want to i wanna cry#i feel like skipping it today even if then i dont get the book i wanna read bc they'll send it back today#plus there r some things i'd like to get at the store. but ugh i just wanna stay in bed and stay in my room#and i had an unpleasant dream of my school years :/#i dream of that and my class all the time and it fills me w such anxiety :(#stuff like that. that anxiety most ppl fill me w. reminds me how badly i only want to be w him#but maybe it's ruined now. bc of miscommunication.... i havent even dared checking the app#bc im sooooooo scared to open it and be met w the unread sign. that he hasnt even seen my messages#that'll hurt me so much so i just dont even open the app. now i have no idea if he's seen it or not nd thats all i can deal with atm#it makes me so sad tho bc if he rlly wanted to he could have me. and i have such a big heart w sm love to give to someone :((((#he's like the one person i've met who fills me w calm instead of that anxiety#which is somewhat funny to say bc he also makes me so sad sometimes :(( nd frustrated#but ohhh even now all i can think abt is being w him nd having a future. even if idk if nd when we'll even simply talk again skskksksk#sighhhhhh i was so happy to have talked to him almost every day the past week... i have things i wanna share w him constantly!!!!! but then#i ofc made a mistake w i always do. i just wish ppl could come to me nd talk abt it instead of just getting upset and pulling away :((
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.
#this is me off a bottle of mikes hard lemonade (5%) and a few sips of barefoot moscato (9%)#'more of a lightweight than i look but more of one thab i like to think i am' is .... VERY generous lmfaoooo#anyways. in the past i wouldnt drink except socially & to get drunk but i couldnt stand the taste so id just shoot everything#but some family members are more Alcohol Connoisseurs and sth clicked christmas and im like Damn ......#also walmart has this cheese filled garlic breadsticks. Cole's breadsticks. AMAZING with wine amazing stuff#anyways all that to say i get drunk like thrre nights in a row and may be sorta scaring myself telling myself im on the#Alcoholic Slippery Slope but also .... alcoholism = slippery slope#i dont get drunk schoolnights tho/nights i gotta be up early in the morning and i have a l8 start tmrw so i can afford to have#a little few sippies which go a long way#but yea. ig if this continues too much & interferes with school or work itll be a problem but im sorta just psyching myself out rn#i can have a good evening without alcohol but being a young adult living alone paying most of ur own bills and then getting drunk 3 nights#in a row bc u CAN is ..... scary ghe first time u do it ig#hm i shld tag this#alcoholism //#addiction //#also those breadsticks + wine + PHILOMENA CUNK. great evening to unwind. i DO recommend to all.#also i gotta keep searching cuz i lost a very beautiful & expensive ring today its gold & sapphire i got it 4 mysel#but im letting the boy from work who j love who i got him a job bc i love him think its an engagement ring bc im OVER HIM#but yea i lost it todah & am kicking myself because its VERY beautiful >:-((((#fuck da police but im gna see campus pd tomorrow. ive filed claims w a bunch of offices on campus so PD is the last stop + they may be able#to pull up footage bc its likely someone stole it. :///#n e wayz#back 2 cunk on britain
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
me going from being bored in my house all day to bored in my apartment by myself all day wow 😍
#i have no idea where my roommate is also i still like dont know ... how to live w a roommate i guess lol like#i would like to know if ur not gonna be here at night ...... esp when it's just us two in the apartment rn but anyway#i texted her last night when i was going to sleep and i was like hey dw about turning on the light and stuff if u get back when i'm asleep#lol and then she didn't come back and she hasn't responded :P ik she's been helpign friends move in and stuff#bruh i helped my brother move in yesterday and i was kinda like so jealous that he has his group of friends here#whereas i moved in and i didn't know anyone in my building and i hadn't rly talked to the ppl from my high school in a yr#and i like kinda panicked abt being alone a little bit but he has all his friends and i'm happy for him but bitch when can that be me#but also like he and his friends are all in the same residence hall and i was thinking like i can already tellllll y'all are gonna be the#guys being loud talking in the hallways at night lmfao#anwyay#i'm gonna try to do some research work since i don't have plans until the evening lmao thank god i have shit to do tomorrow XD#i don't mind being alone at all i do kinda like it but the fact that ig i could much more easily be out doing stuff w friends or something#more easily than at home anyway idk why do i keep doing posts like this lmao#jeanne talks#ALSO I GOT A COUPLE OF THOSE RLY NICE ASKS SAYING LIKE LIST 5 THINGS YOU LOVE OR WHATEVER I WILL ANSWER THEM AT SOME POINT I PROMISE#idk things i love apparently lmfao#IN CASE I FORGET AND DON'T ANSWER THEM SOON THO ILY THANK U <3
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok ykno what I think the general online atmosphere re: Attraction To Men is very horrible & stunting. I've realized recently that I probably do have some internalized biphobia that was a big motivator for why I identified with the word gay despite not Really having a gender preference. & yea I still identify with gay but also maybe I kinda identify with bi too. Bc my gender is fluid and it really just depends on the day, but overall I am potentially attracted to men too and that doesn't take away from my non-straight identity, & it's not Unfortunate or anything either.
Yes, I'm scared of men I don't know. I'm fucking Terrified of them. But men are still just human fucking people, with as much potential for good as anyone else. The masses of people who are all like "eww who even likes men lol" or ppl feeling ashamed for liking men, like. What's the fucking point? You're making trans men feel awful, you're making gay men feel awful, & hell even cis straight men don't deserve to be put down all the time simply for being men.
So sick of all those people who Genuinely think that's okay. Like lmao get the fuck out of here.
#speculation nation#my own identity is smth im still figuring out but im working on like. not feeling bad or guilty about being attracted to men#which WHAT a reversal of the usual narrative lmfao. i was somehow lucky enough to not end up with internalized homohobia#bc no one rly talked about it when i was growing up. never really registered homosexuality existed until i was a freshman in high school#& then shortly after i realized i was into girls lol#and then i joined tumblr and ive been around that 'eww men' mentality. also frankly an anti-straight mentality.#which yes ive long been over that Straight Shit. but ppl still act so allergic to any kind of m/f pair Regardless of how else#they might be part of the community. re: trans or bi or whatever else#it made me feel ashamed of my potential attraction to men. to the point where when someone i was dating realized they were a trans dude#i let the relationship fizzle and die instead of adapting to it. bc i didnt want to be with a guy.#i still dont rly wanna date cishet guys bc theyre just. kind of Bleh in a way i dont want romantically or otherwise#that's just personal taste. hard to feel personally understood in an intimate way with them#but trans men or bi men r like. Wonderful.#aka i dont like to date anyone who's not lgbt in some way. i think that's a better way to look at it.#girls i date r automatically not straight bc i very much look like a girl lol. guys could be cis and straight tho n im not interested in it#BUT yeah. ive been more open about my feelings re: guys on here bc im working to accept that part of myself#yes i have a girlfriend. no this is not an attempt for actual Application of the attraction. i just want to embrace all of my identity#the identity still exists even if im dating someone. that's how the bi stuff works lol#i still like gay as a descriptor bc it feels like a catch all to me. but also maybe i could be bi too#this is weird gender stuff talking dont come at me for equating the two things lol i just dont know what my gender is doing#anyways peace out it's 4:20 am and i need to get tbe FUCK to sleep
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa
#the bin#i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious#so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad#im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20#more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long#and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful#i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed#and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what#else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option#i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them#all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister#also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul#fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon#and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some#i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to#all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone#besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider#friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period#i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past#8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone#it will get better. it has to.
1 note
·
View note
Text
It continues to trip me up how much human brains are just weird organic computers
#thoughts#oni talks#oni vents#additionally wild that the easiest ways for me to explain brain stuff are generally in computer or video game terms despite the fact I’m#notoriously awful with computers (and to a lesser extent video games) although I won’t if my natural inclination would be different if I#didn’t have trauma related to computers/if maybe it’s the classic adhd interest based learning difference? unknown tbh#I still really wanna go to school to study people but academics is fucked as hell so making that work will be a personal hell for me#but also I have so many theories and data I can’t do anything super tangible with coz I’m not in an academic setting so even if i wanted to#talk about stuff and work on it no one would take me seriously w/o that academic background no matter how much effort I’d put in learning it#on my own for my entire life at this point it won’t matter if it’s not on some level acknowledged by an academic system I despise tbh#it’s one of those things that makes me miss my dad coz we used to commiserate together about these sorts of things tho he made it work far#better than I have been able to. i wish i could ask him science questions again.#anyway human brains are so fascinating but also I really wish I was better at explaining myself analysis of people I feel like I’m good#enough at this point to be like partway understood coz I’ve done so much practice on my own coz I tend to rehearse explanations ahead of tim#but its still often misunderstood or misconstrued & it’s understandable a lot of the time coz like most other people aren’t spending a ton#of their free time thinking about and researching how people work/analyzing those around them+themselves vs me whose been doing since like#I dont remember the exact time but I do remember being really young & making the conscious decision to study & analyze my family for example#so that I could be helpful & translate their words to each other better + ppl often don’t see things about themselves that others do#also forever thinking about the human brain/experience in relation to the sims & video game commands lmao#currently trying to explain save states in the human brain to ppl but no one knows wtf I’m talking about#& researching academic terms that are close to what I want doesn’t necessarily work if there’s no academic term for what I’m talking about#hence wanting to do the research myself coz sometimes it feels like there’s all this stuff that’s obvious to me but no one else?? from what#I’ve seen in recent studies they are only starting to scratch the surface of stuff I’ve already known sometimes? other stuff is older & it’s#VERY gratifying when it’s stuff I’ve known but not been listened to about & it actually gets the proper recognition#though getting ppl to actually listen/take what I say seriously is its own journey & I have to be careful myself bc I’m human so my own#understanding/data is constantly updating + I have storage issues so finding the data I have in my brain is its own struggle sometimes#every version of me is interested in people & I think that’s neat even if other people don’t understand that concept#sometimes I feel like an alien/robot whose sole task is just to study & support humanity & it’s very weird tbh
1 note
·
View note
Text
...
#ugh. im feeling chatty today. probably bc i feel kinda weirdly anxious. like when u can Imagine bad things happening in detail#and like it feels like ur wait for it even tho its in ur imagination? whatever. anyway. ive been watching a lotta#stuff on like professional artists and idk maybe im just in too deep on science academia but i dont. i dunno the culture#seems so weird to me? like what does one do in art school? i guess i took a lot of art in high school but my teacher was kinda trash#all we did was paint realisticly using a grid and i hated that. but i image ur supposed to exercise different styles and medias? how tf#does that get graded? i dunno. i haven't taken any uni level art classes. i should tho. id probably like it#its weird tho. anything that tries to give structure to art stuff seems so weird to me. like u go to school for science stuff to build up#ur background knowledge and i guess u can do that with art but it feels different. i guess bc ur training muscle memory. i dunno#i like to imagine an au where i go to art school but i legitimately cannot fathom doing that. cannot fathom a life outside of my toxic#relationship with academia. i dont even kno what i would want to specialize if i went down that path. maybe illustration#bc it makes me happy when ppl say my style looks like something out of a kids book. i dunno#i guess classes would help with things like forcibly learning shadows and anatomy and composition#maybe i just need to make art friends. like what is ur life like? im too much in a science bubble#i guess going to art school also just devotes all ur time to art. not just tiny pockets of time between all the things u have to get done#god. i can only imagine the panic of procrastinating an art project and physically not having enough time to finish it#thats how i felt with my masters thesis. there was just physically not enough time for me to fix my code in all the ways i needed and rew#rewrite things. but i finished it somehow#ugh. god. i have things i need to finish coloring. i will finish them today. i will#i hate coloring. but colors r so pretty ;_;#unrelated
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
.,.
#I WANNA GO BACK TO COLLEGE GAHHHHH#i'm so bored back here like i have three friends i stayed in touch w from high school#and like everywhere i gotta drive and i just dont wanna leave the house#but even if i do wanna leave and i make plans my friends and i r always like where tf do we even go???#like in our immediate area its just so boring#also like being in my okd bedroom. is so weird??#i feel like very time im back home i feel all these emotions and things from being a high schooler again#and its more so annoying than anything bc that stuff is just not a part of my life anymore#byt when im back home thats all that is there to think abt idk#and i mean my parents r just tooooo much like......#its just annoying going fron living my life indoeendently to being back under their roof i think#idk im just gonna keep rotting this break tho maybe try to plan a small trip w friends#im so tired of being the one to plan things but like thats a whole other issue omfg#idk good thing is tho ive got my dog :3 hes so silly like hes over the moon everyone is back home rn#bro is living his best life my little smelly baby boy I MISSED HIM SM 😭😭😭😭😭#glow gabs
0 notes
Text
.
#been feeling horrible these past 2 days and i havent been to art school#the schedule is a mess bc i have to take the bus everyday and it doesnt really match with my afternoon classes#so i get stressed bc i have to wait for hours and then run to get the last bus and skip the last 2h or sometimes the last 3h of classes#and i know i have no control over that but the fact that we're also struggling with money issues lmao like the cherry on top#+ mentally im not doing alright ive been battling with ocd since i was 10 but its getting hard so it doesnt help with my anxiety either#i have constants heart palpitations since 2 years ago bc of anxiety and these 2 days ive been feelings useless for not going to school#but i dont feel strong enough and im scared of going out its like everything's too much right now and i know itll get better#it always does#but i had a huge anxiety attack this evening and im just so tired physically and mentally i dont even have the energy to care about school#it drains me#i hope i can start some schoolwork tomorrow tho#or else ill have too many stuff to do soon and ill have more anxiety lol#anyways ik no one's gonna read this but i needed to rant#rant
0 notes
Note
not prev, but I feel that ask bothered you, I hope that doesn't discourage you to make your headcanons, you're always allowed to make headcanons of characters you love !
It's fine my guy don't worry, it didn't really bother me much considering that even I also noticed my lil hcs for Dia are a bit too much hahah
#yknow whats actually bothering me#the fact i have a shitton of school stuff to do and theres legit no fucking breaks from it#like yall pls i thought this was psych werent we supposed to value mental health#we could feel ours deteriorating each passing day fr bcndbd hahaha#ah but hey yeah fr dont you worry abt me hahah#im just vibing really not that i post much stuff considering im busy w my exams still hahah#wish me luck tho im not even sure whats going on w my classes anymore so like *shrugs*#anyways omf sorry im rambling chmdnd hahaha#an ask and an answer#anon
0 notes
Text
yeah but i really got fucked over by the people i told this abt loll
#some of yall might remember my vent posts and stuff and yeah this situation didnt end well for me#i could talk abt this for hours honestly this is so messed up#yknow ive been thinking how i never really tell my friends what i go through at home anymore bc i began to doubt myself#even tho i KNOW it all happened. They did abuse me. Still do. But some part of me thinks#that i just made this up or that it wasnt actually that bad. even though it was. it was so much fucking worse. and having to go through it#again and again and again. i have no words. sometimes my mind just goes blank bc i dont want to think abt this stuff. i just want it to be#over.#some part of me thinks that if i tell somebody im ruining my abusers lives. even though theyre the one ruining mine. nothing can harm them.#especially my words. they will never face consequences bc the system doesnt work. and i dont want to ruin their life.#i just want it to be over.#i just want to go on and live my life and leave this all behind and start anew.#im an awful person. i have younger siblings and this was the only reason i decided to go through with telling someone at school abt this. bc#i didnt want them to suffer like me. i knew what their mindless actions did to me. and to see my siblings go through that.#but my sister absolutely hates me for telling the school#she says shes ashamed to go there bc people know#she thinks i made it up for attention even though she literallywas there when they beat me. she was fucking there lmfao#im sorry if this is too much but i need to get this somewhere out. writing it down is not enough and i cant tell this at anyone#kill me💗 the only thing keeping me alive is dreaming. very corny i know. but fantasizing abt my far away future is the only thing making me#go on. thinking abt my life after this ends. but sometimes its not enough and i just spend all my time watching stuff or reading or whatever#just watching stuff abt lives totally different from my own. that helps me focus on something else for a while. sighhhhhh
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
bashingskullsxd
oliver
chalaite
vieux biscuits
spaceuhhidk68
divorce 👍
not-happy-user
∆ NotHappyUser ∆