#like my fear of this weird medical issue is NOT that it is Kills You disease
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#like my fear of this weird medical issue is NOT that it is Kills You disease#it is that it might resemble Kills You Disease just enough to make doctors twitchy and order lots of tests#and then get confused or mad when i tell them that i will need actual support from THEM for that and resent being sent to strangers bc PTSD#so I don't think tomorrow will go poorly but I am going to have to be in self advocate hand holding mode while navigating said PTSD#and that is fucking exhausting#i also have to tightrope walk to make sure they don't try to target one of my meds#deeply sick of how i can't let my guard down around these people anymore#rambling again
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Just The Nurse
Series Warnings: Language, Drug abuse, mentions of abuse, mentions of drugs. Colonel not liking the reader, probably some medical terms are incorrect, mentions of Elvis' potential death, health terms, health issues, yelling, fighting. Spelling and grammatical errors are likely. Individual chapter warnings will appear as needed.
Masterlist | Previous Part | Bonus Part
Chapter 5: Beaux Presley
"I-I I- I mean how? It- it doesn't make sense." You shook your head as Elvis carefully handed you your son. Sure you felt heavier in the chest area... but it... It just didn't make any sense. You two were always careful... and you don't remember being pregnant.
"I think we both know how," Elvis chuckled. You shook your head and rolled your eyes. You looked down at the little boy... and as if he knew what to do, he fought his way towards your breast to feed. It was... well... it was a feeling. To see this happen... to experience it... it... it was something else. You went over to the rocking chair and sat down. Your mind was filled with so many thoughts at the moment...
"When I was at the hospital they mentioned how... you were lucky that it didn't kill our baby... I- I was shocked even. You weren't feeling sick or anything... They said it was still very early on. They hoped you would've woken up before going into labor but... I was there... They gave me the call and I was there just like that." He explained. You listened to everything and just nodded.
"Why wouldn't they tell me this?" You said softly, mostly to yourself but... Elvis still responded.
"Maybe because you left the hospital."
"Okay now... I didn't sign up for bullying." You looked at him annoyed. He just chuckled and walked over to you, and placed a small kiss on your head.
"Your parents at first wanted to take him, but-"
"Wait, they wanted to take him?" You looked up at him confused.
"They thought that... it would've been best? I don't know... I- I kind of blanked out, but It's my child also you know?" Elvis didn't even know how to quite say it. You just found it all weird that your parents wanted to raise your child... if anything they would be the second choice. Of course, you rather have Elvis raise your child, it was his as well.
"So... what's his name?" You asked.
"He doesn't have a name yet... I... I wanted to wait for you." He admitted as he brushed the few bits of hair on your son's head. Your eyes started to water up. You couldn't contain the emotions anymore. Everything was really getting thrown at you all at once. Elvis was afraid you wouldn't even remember him... and yet... he still waited for you.
"Did I say something wrong?" Elvis asked softly, his eyes wide in fear that he made you cry. Well, he did... but for a good reason.
"No no… it's just... that's so sweet... I- I... you were afraid I would forget you and still..." You whispered and closed your eyes. You were so mad at yourself for forgetting everything. You were a nurse for goddamn sake, how could you get hurt!? You were supposed to keep others safe and healthy. Help heal and protect them, and yet... you got hurt.
"Yeah... At first, I thought about going for Arthur because... I know how much your brother means to you... but I just... I didn't want to make that call without you. You opened your eyes and sniffled as you looked down at your baby boy. He was finished eating at this point and you fixed your top.
"What about Beaux? It means handsome and beautiful... a beautiful heart." You suggested softly. You looked over at Elvis and saw that he was smiling. That was a good sign, then again, you had a feeling Elvis would agree with any name you suggested.
"Beautiful inside and out, through all the dark in this world... they're there to bring light to it all," Elvis mumbled softly. You took in all his words though and felt like you were at church or something. You never heard something like that come out of his mouth. then again, all you remember is him yelling all the time.
"So that's a yes?" You giggled lightly. Elvis let out a light chuckle and nodded.
"It's a definite yes." You smiled and stood up. You held Beaux safely close to you and placed him back down in his crib. He was most likely only woke up because he was hungry. You leaned over the railing and watched as his blue irises disappeared behind his eyelids.
"When did we officially start dating?" You asked as you continued to stare in awe at your son. Elvis stood next to you and held his hand against your back.
"Mm, a month after we had sex." He replied. His eyes were attached to you. He still couldn't believe that you were right there. It was like a dream come true. He would pray every night to God just to get the chance to be next to you again. To hear your wonderful voice again, even if it was to yell at him.
"And when did we get engaged?" You finally turned your head to look at Elvis.
"A few weeks before your incident." He answered, his eyes never leaving yours. You let out a light breath and straighten your body up.
"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" You then asked. Elvis' eyes widened and his face reddened. You let out a light chuckle and shook your head. You walked out of beaux's room and stopped in the hallway. You didn't want to risk waking him up with all your talking
"I was not expecting you to uh... ask that," Elvis commented as he closed the door behind him. You looked over at him and smiled. It was nice to see him all flustered again. Just seeing him, in general, made you happy.
"Gotta keep ya on your toes, Elvis." You pointed out and headed back over to your shared room. You got up onto the lavish bed and made yourself comfortable.
"I- did you want an answer?" He asked, a smirk now displayed on his face. You tilted your head and made a thinking face. You already knew that answer to that, but you wanted to see how long you could drag this out.
"Hmmm... I don't know... maybe I do... Maybe I don't... I'm not a hundred percent sure just yet-"
His lips shut you up pretty quickly. You smiled against his lips and reached for his neck. Your hands pulled him closer till he was hovering over you. God, you missed his lips... you missed him... you missed his everything. Though, to you, it only seemed like yesterday, to everyone else it had been years. As he pulled away you let out a sound of sadness. Elvis let out a chuckled and pressed his lips against yours once more before he plopped next to you.
"I didn't kiss you when I saw you... because I thought I was hallucinating. I had the doctors make sure they called me for every update, and I didn't receive any calls about you... escaping the hospital." He looked at you with a look that screamed, 'can't believe you actually did that, you're an idiot.'
"If I remember quickly... the first words you said to me where... what da fuck are ya doin' here." You imitated his voice. He let out a laugh and shook his head. He was mad at himself for that being the first thing he said. Let alone telling his security guard to keep you out. He wasn't fully sure why he did it himself.
"That's all the past darlin', you're here now. That's all that matters." He whispered and pulled you against his chest. "You're safe..."
You could tell it was still on his mind. You could also tell that no matter how much time would pass, he will continue to blame himself until he was six feet under. Actually, he will continue to blame himself even when six feet under. You didn't want him to do that. There was no way he could've known, yet he still went and blamed himself... It pained you... You wish there was something to change his mind about the whole thing, but there was nothing.
"What's on ya mind?" He asked gently as he rubbed comforting circles against your stomach. You closed your eyes and relaxed against his back.
"How you're blaming yourself, which you shouldn't." You replied. He let out a hum and nodded. He knew if he answer you would just deny and deny. You always found a way to speak the truth into his mind, rather he liked it or not. It was like this even before you two grew closer together.
If he was being honest, he probably would've been dead by now if it weren't for you. That, when he lost you... he felt like he had died. His life was turning out right. He was happy, he felt loved, he felt healthy... and then boom. You're laying in a hospital bed fighting for your life.
When Elvis started to stay in the hospital for the first few weeks, he got to know your family a bit more. Especially Arthur, cause much like Elvis, he hardly left. Elvis already felt he knew everything about you, but when he and Arthur got talking... well, he learned a lot more. He wasn't complaining. It was nice to hear more about you, and to gain Arthur as a friend. Arthur was the one who called him when something happened with you. Sure, he may have told you that the Doctor's did, but it was Arthur.
"All right, close your eyes now. I don' want any peeking from ya." Elvis spoke from in front you. A light whine escaped your mouth as your closed your eyelids. This wasn't exactly safe all considering you were watching Beaux...
"If something happens to Beaux during this time, I'm blaming you." You teased slightly and let out a light laugh.
"We're almost there, sweetheart," he said gently. You smiled at the name and leaned back. These past few months have been hard for you. Having to readjust, and then having to awkwardly go back to the hospital... Your family visited Graceland for the first time to meet your son. You got to spend time with your family. Your sister finally got something from Elvis.
You started to ever so slightly remember the past. It was the small things that you remembered however. Nothing majorly big, like your proposal but... one day you knew you would remember. Being with Elvis and beaux made remembering a lot easier though. Raising your son, seeing Elvis go back into his old ways. He was happier then when you first saw him.
"Okay, keep ya eyes closed now." Elvis said as the car came to a stop. You hummed a response back and waited patiently. You listened for the car doors and soon Elvis had your hand and helped your out.
"Stay there for a moment," he said as he most likely went back in for Beaux.
"This doesn't sound like the zoo, Elvis." You commented as you heard nothing. It was actually calming, but the plan was to take a trip to the zoo, to teach Beaux his animals.
"How do you know?" He questioned as the car door closed. You let out a hum.
"Maybe because I don't hear anything?" You replied, a smile on your face. Elvis shook his head and soon you felt his hand grab hold of yours.
"It's a bit of a walk so, come on." He said as you started to move. You kept close to Elvis to make sure you didn't fall or trip. You didn't need to look like an idiot right now. Especially because you had no idea where you were. You could be out in public with hundreds of people watching you, or you could be in front of the hospital, or- okay... now maybe you were overacting a bit there.
"Those are trees, bub." You heard Elvis speak to your son. You smiled and leaned into Elvis. He was great with Beaux. You couldn't have asked for a better guy to raise your son with. You listened for Beaux's answer back, which was just a mess of bubbling nonsense.
"And those are flowers." Beaux let out a fit of giggles and you could imagine that Elvis was tickling him. You were upset that you couldn't see. You wanted to see that big smile on Beaux's face.
Soon the sound died down and all you hear were the bugs and birds around you. You would hear the occasional wind cry, but besides that... you were at peace. You pretty much guessed that you were somewhere out in a field at this point. If you were at the zoo you would've heard a bunch more people, and not to mention... animals.
"Okay..." Elvis came to a stop and so did you. He let out of your hand and pressed a kiss to your cheek before backing away.
"Open your eyes."
As you opened your eyes you felt your breath get lost, you let out a verbal gasp from just... shock really. You were on top of a hill that overlooked the river. Trees and flowers surrounded the area. It was a sight to see, but something inside you told you that you've seen this before. When or how... well that you did not know.
"Where are we-" As you turned to face Elvis you saw him down on one knew. He had Beaux on the ground next to him. You let out another gasp and covered your mouth as you felt your eyes start to water.
"Now, I told ya I would bring ya to where I purposed, and well, I figured why just bring you here? Why not propose again?" He chuckled nervously. "Y/n, ever since you came yelling' into ma life. I knew you were the one. Even though I hated your guts... I just knew. You made me feel somethin' I never had before. Not to mention you saved my life. Without you, I wouldn' be who I am today. I wouldn' be here with the love of my life, and ma child next to me. I could drag this on for way longer, but I figured I'll save you the time. Will you marry me, Y/n? …. Again?"
"Yes, yes, Elvis I will." You spoke delicately. Your voice was a whole mess but goddamn... you were about to get married and- you didn't care.
Mutual Taglist: @darlinboypresley @emmymaehereeeeee @venus-haze @austinstyles
#austin butler elvis#elvis x reader#elvis imagine#elvis#elvis 2022#austin butler#austin butler x reader#austin!elvis x reader#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler imagine#elvis film#elvis fic#elvis fanfiction#elvis movie
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ok so word on street is that kate had a nervous breakdown during christmas because she found out william's mistress is pregnant with his child and she’s keeping it. kate is apparently refusing to cooperate hence the disappearing act. honestly out of everything i heard this sounds the most plausible? or she really did have medical complications that left her incapacitated and they're just handling it really badly.
I see why the Rose is pregnant theory appeals to people! Here's why it doesn't make sense to me:
a) I hate to sound like a Royal Gossip Old (aka a total freak) but people have been saying for YEEEEARS that at least one of Rose's kids is William's. I've heard the daughter--more recently, the stuff swirling around Rose's marriage makes the twin boys seem Questionable, but if I'm being real the one I've seen pics of doesn't look like William. And that's when I see pics of him next to George, who most definitely does. However, that doesn't mean anything because genetics,
My point is--stories about William getting Rose pregnant are not new. Kate would be well aware of them, and I think that in some ways this is probably recycled gossip. Until I see Rose pregnant, I'll remain unconvinced.
b) Honestly? I still don't think Rose being pregnant would make Kate throw a big I'm Threatening To Leave with William. Because... I don't think Kate's leavin'. This has been her LIFE. She is SO close to being queen. Even when Charles wasn't sick--he's a senior citizen on the throne. Yes, his parents lived to be a billion years old, but he's still far older than his mother was when she took the throne and for all intents and purposes, William is essentially a breath away from the crown.
Rose, or at least the Rose rumors, has/have been a fixture in Kate's life for a long time. I just don't know that I see Kate suddenly going "I'm not doing anything until she goes" with this. What's different? Even if there is an illegitimate child--half the gossips already thought there was. And ultimately, none of it materially matters. Kate's marriage sucks either way; and Kate will be queen either way. And I'll add... Kate does have an example of a former Princess of Wales to look to. She can be a globally famous mother of the heir with family backing, or she can be one without it. Either path is hard, but one path led to someone being killed.
(I mean, to be clear.... Even NOW, the media insanity around Kate isn't what Diana faced on the reg for yeeeeears and being super idolized by some and hated by others and is way worse than the indifference with which a lot of the world beheld Kate for a long time. But I do think that if Kate left, the interest in her would be much greater, only this time, she would be left without the family's weird protection.)
c) I think the answer is that all of this is probably connected, or at least WOULD LOOK connected. If Kate is much sicker than the palace lets on, the information may, they fear, go like dominos. You admit a Medical Event happened that caused her to have severe complications. Then the question becomes--well, what could the event have been for a seemingly healthy woman in her early forties, if it isn't cancer? It could actually be many things, but what if there is something--what if they dig deeper? What if they discover the mistress, and then think that maybe something happened BECAUSE she was so upset, and so on and so forth.
I mean. I think that all that speculation, we can safely say, IS NOW HAPPENING LOL. But I believe there was some attempt in the beginning to avoid it with total silence. They've just bungled it.
Because the American media is now forcing Rose into the public more, I feel like the instinct is to go "this Rose thing pushed Kate over the edge". However, the Rose thing has been a thing for a long time, and while I think it was potentially a contributing factor to a mental and/or physical health issue, I don't think it's something that Kate would pull a "I'M DONE" over. Because... why now? Even if there was a pregnancy--those who know about Rose already think she may have a kid by Wills. And I'm SURE Kate knows that.
I do think that William being the future king versus a leapfrog away from being king probably has brought a lot of the skeletons out of the closet in a more vivid way than before. Because they've probably had conversations with PR teams since the queen died--what is ALL the dirty laundry, what do we need to know about, etc. Crisis planning.
Which. Obviously didn't go WELL.
#that's actually one angle i haven't considered in the divorce speculation#diana really didn't have a true 1 to 1 model for what leaving the prince of wales would look like#kate does. and idk that might dissuade someone from leaving
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Thoughts on So Weird's 25th Anniversary
It's hard to believe So Weird premiered 25 years ago. It feels like we JUST celebrated the 20th anniversary, but then again the pandemic has completely distorted my sense of time.
Maybe it's because I'm in my 30s now or maybe it's because I was fortunate enough to meet the wonderful actress who brought her to life, but I have discovered that I am in my Molly Phillips era and Molly has overthrown Jack as my fav.
I truly have had a different favorite character for different stages of my life and I love how as I grow older, I continue to love this show for different reasons.
Now as the show is 25, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the lost episode Chrysalis and the character Molly Phillips and the content that is on Disney Plus now and the content we were denied. It was such a missed opportunity.
At the time that So Weird was airing, I was 6-8 years old and my dad was struggling with a disease. I remember asking my mom what it was that my dad had that made him have to sleep on the couch or stay in the hospital and her just repeating "He has a disease!" until I stopped. It wasn't until I was adult that I learned he struggled with alcoholism.
At 6-8 years old, all I knew about diseases were that they could be caused by smoking and that they can kill you so I assumed it was related to his cigarette smoking and feared he was going to die. I also knew that he had stopped smoking for 4 years, around the time he and my mom got married. My sister and I are exactly 4 years and 6 days apart. At 6-8 years old I knew basic math and the conclusion that I came to was that having a second kid (me) must have bad so stressful it led him to smoking. I fully believed for my whole childhood that my mere existence was killing my dad by driving him to smoke.
That is some heavy shit to carry as a 7 year old and a whole lotta shit to unpack in therapy as an adult.
And it was all because everyone thought it was in my best interest not to explain things like alcoholism in a way that I could understand because they thought children shouldn't know about such things.
As a latchkey kid, I was raised by television as much as I was raised by my parents and if the execs at Disney would have allowed So Weird to do that issues show they were so afraid of, it could have been lifechanging. Being able to see my favorite characters discuss alcoholism and provide some context that shows and explains what it is in a way a kid could understand would have been so valuable.
But Disney was too afraid to do an issues show.
Earlier this year, I watched the new Goosebumps series on Disney+ and was surprised to see kids openly making fun of one of the moms for being a wino. I'm glad that Disney is no longer afraid to show real life situations in that alcohol is a thing that exists and kids (well, the ones who aren't extremely sheltered like I was) are aware of it. But as happy as I am to see Disney is evolving to include these elements and showing more kid-friendly horror, all I could think of was the missed opportunity they had with So Weird. They could have done so much good with Chrysalis.
One of my favorite things about So Weird as a kid was that I never felt like I was being talked down to.
As an adult, I absolutely love the depth to Molly that a past struggle with alcoholism brings. It indicates just how visceral losing Rick was, how much pain Molly was in that she needed to self-medicate it away and stop feeling feelings because they were too hard. It shows how strong she is as a person for getting her life together since then, being able to do a comeback tour and be the amazing mom we see her as. It humanizes her on such a real level. She's the best portrayal of a tv mom because she very much is a MOM-- she doesn't try to be best friends with her kids, but she makes sure they know they can talk to her and go to her for help.
Dealing with my dad's unexpected death in my early 20s (which was surprisingly not due to smoking, or at least not primarily) showed me that my parents are above all else PEOPLE-- with flaws, with struggles, who just did the very best they could with the hand life dealt them. Molly represents that so well and I think it's why I've been drawn to her lately.
25 years of So Weird and I am still finding so much to relate to and gush about with this show.
Forever keeping the faith that one day So Weird's full story will be told, either by graphic novel or reboot.
It is still absolutely timeless.
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imagine im sending all the emojis under Character Specific - i love when u talk about the versions of the turtles that exist in ur mind, theyre canon to me (has never watched the show or any movie)
you are the realest one out there I'm so serious. under cut because that's a lot of questions
first of all: she/her leo, he/it raph, he/him donnie, any/all mikey but mostly he/him unless the situation calls for it
🥊 Does Raph have anger issues? If so, how does Raph deal with his anger?
i guess you could say that it does, but its issues have more to do with the guilt and fear associated with feeling or expressing anger on any level. he relies a lot on leo's constant emotional support
🧶 Does Raph knit?
no, but yoshi sews. raph's hobbies include raising butterflies and stag beetles, planting herbs and then forgetting to water them and crying when they die a week later, basketball, and lacrosse (but only with leo). he also has a hamster named daisy whom he would kill himself for without a moment's hesitation
🗣️ Is your Leo the leader? Has he always been?
...there's not really a "leader" since that's not how families work in real life, but she's generally the dubious voice of reason and the one who carries everybody's water bottles and medications and whathaveyou. she resents this position a little but doesn't have the self awareness to confront it
🔥 Is Leo accident prone? Especially in the kitchen?
no ❤️ she's not good at cooking because she is too afraid of failure to put any effort towards building skills that don't come naturally to her, so if it was her job to cook dinner she'd just dump a bunch of hot sauce and tuna and jelly and cheese and gravy in a pot and go heheheyhehheehhehehe Soup👍
🔬 Is Donnie only interested in Tech?
I'm not entirely clear on what this question means. he has other interests outside stem, but in my verse his focus is much more on computer science and mechanical engineering than any other field of science, so he kind of doesn't gaf about biology or anything organic or "squishy." if that was the question. other interests include grindcore music, transformers, my little pony (the toys), swimming, gambling, arguing on forums, sculpting, 3d animation, girls, and other things.
🤖 Does your Donnie have a robot child?
Grins really huge.
🎨 Is Mikey the artist of the family?
yes but he's best at cartoons and graffiti and abstract designs. he also makes his own music (mostly experimental hip-hop). donnie is a far better representational artist, but he doesn't consider his work "art" since he doesn't have mikey's imagination or eye for color and he pays mikey disgusting amounts of dubiously-sourced money to draw his pngtuber rantsona. mikey in turn spends this money on fancy cheese
😈 Is Mikey a little shit?
what more is there to say. Yes
🐀 Was Splinter a human or an animal before he was mutated?
human. but don't worry about it
🧑🍼 How does Splinter raise the boys?
Jesus. i really don't know how to get into this without copy/pasting 3 pages of backstory from my notes doc. he did his best that's all i can say
💏 Does/Did Splinter have a significant other?
he had a weird bisexual thing. which is different. i can't disclose more at this time
🎤 Is April a reporter?
april is a first-year undergrad majoring in journalism and minoring in environmental science. she interns at her college newspaper, and lately has been going to dangerous lengths to uncover her "big break" so they'll let her do more than edit the crossword
🧑🤝🧑 Is April considered a sibling?
she's like. okay. april is an integral part of their family, AND. she's also really not a surrogate/adopted/found sister in a literal sense. yoshi isn't her dad, and her relationship with the turtles is quite distinct from their relationship with each other as siblings, but it's still just as important, because she's family. like, found family outside of any traditional nuclear family roles. she's their best friend and they're her home away from home
🏒 Does Casey play hockey?
casey is such a minor character in my verse right now that it's actually kind of hysterical that they'd be on this list. they used to play, yeah.
🦸 Is Casey a vigilante?
they are a serial murderer.
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man could i get like. a crash course on your oc's. i don't know anything about any of them godbless
EEEE YAY OF COURSE!!!! (Insane ramblings about my world and 4 of my characters (technically like 6-7 though I mention some briefly) under the cut)
Okay so quick tldr thing for their world because there’s A Lot: set in a sort of fucked up future Detroit with a lot of pollution with this Alien God Blood/Fuel Substance (aka anti-essence) with a lot of. Basically killing machines of animals created from ingesting it (Reapers) who have changed a lot of how humans live and also the population in general is way down, so most of them live in cities now. Very compact and very low quality of life. The aforementioned Reapers are entities, which are beings created by old gods (aforementioned alien god things. Too much lore to get into but what you need to know is that they do exist and they do cause trouble for people and can possess people sort of. Not Reapers though they’re a weird exception). This is all I should say because Oh My God I run my mouth LOL
Enter my main protagonist freak, Jeong Chin-hae. Investigates entities freelance because of his strong moral convictions with helping people always no matter what it may cost himself or sometimes other people and all, and also partly because he is semi-possessed by an entity! Got nearly beat to death and a Shade (another kind of entity, friendlier than the others and distinctly nautically themed) tried to possess what it thought was his corpse but woopsies! He was still alive so they’re just stuck together LOL. Also other things of note about him: anger issues, autistic (specifically has a lot of sensory issues around being touched and has a special interest in hardcore punk and some of its subgenres. Like me yeah I know LOL), recently moved to futuristic Detroit and is sleeping on his friend’s couch. His friend is Dave btw she’s so cool but not too relevant rn, just know she’s Jeong’s ex (no tension or anything it was just kind of a funny thing and they just realized “oh yeah we’re just friends” and broke it off then) and only friend at this point and also a polyamorous weed dealer to the neighbors (not dating them though, just the weed dealer to them of course)
Speaking of the neighbors!!!!!!!! Cassy (Castillo) Navarro Villanueva :3 one of his mothers is an old god that feeds upon the fear of the afterlife/death and the one who made shades. Cassy specifically feeds more on sleep and has dream related powers, ironic considering he’s an insomniac LOL. Lives next door to Dave and yknow. Buys weed from him. Would have been a film major if he could’ve afforded it and still like constantly watches and talks about films (likes weird artsy bullshit and some stereotypical film bro movies. Wears a fight club shirt a lot but in entity affairs world it’s called Altercation Association). However! He is currently. Um. An organ harvester 😭 long story about that but that whole underbelly of the medical industry was basically his only option as, due to being half old god, he looks. freaky in a few ways (notably the multiple eyes and the hand mouths and other stuff). Very predatory industry stuff blah blah blah so that’s why he’s there. He’s also a cannibal AND in a weird gay relationship with Jeong they are So bad for each other ❤️
Other neighbor who mooches off of Cassy, Homhe! Pronounced like Hawm-hey does that make sense. Too much lore to get into but they’re like 17 year old albino amalgamation dipshit being manipulated by this one old god into doing so many horrible actions. A huge asshole on purpose yet is weirdly protective of Cassy (like the only person who hasn’t gotten fed up with them yet which is why). Technically some sort of entity but moreso a vessel, long story. Because of this, they can sort of leech off of other entity’s power stuff. Like a sponge! Hates Jeong so bad too. It’s a jealousy thing but not romantic jealousy OBVS LOL
Finally, out of my main character. My fave oc ever in the universe… Cecilia Moore!!! Yes Cecilia like Cecilia and the Silhouette Saloon. Constantly wears businessy clothes and has a flat affect and died once. She’s okay now though Cassy’s old god mother, Reorzæk, revived her because she just took a special time interest in her. Of course this is in exchange for being basically her “follower,” or a person (isn’t always a person specifically just any sentient life form) who just does the old god’s bidding, and is specifically assigned to the. Organ harvesting stuff, for the purposes of making more vessels (long story related to Homhe). Cassy’s boss basically. She’s very tired constantly and super overworked but she actually does have a similar music taste to Jeong (if liking more prog stuff than him), so when she has the time she either listens to music or reads (usually random super wordy books for fun.) Jayson’s older sister (not talking about my token cis guy rn because he’s not a main character, but if you want to you can ask more about him), transgender lesbian, generally the goat. To me
There’s more I can talk about obvs because look at how much I’m talking but alas. It would be a millenia to talk about it ALL in one post. Sorry for rambling 😭
#ocs#oc#oc stuff#entity affairs#jeong chin-hae#cassy navarro villanueva#homhe#cecilia moore#I guess I’ll tag the briefly mentioned ones#reorzæk#vanarodhe#jayson moore
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My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was… astounded. I… I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess… I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is. bororkig babd
My name is Yoshikage Kira. I’m 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don’t smoke, but I occasionally drink. I’m in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I’m trying to explain that I’m a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn’t lose to anyone. Jojo weird trip
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Hey other people with experience of mental health problems and recovery from them. I have a question about trying a new medication although the old one worked great, and it throwing me back years.
I have suffered from severe anxiety since I was 10, but I never knew what it was until I was 26 when I broke down because mental fatigue stopped me from constantly fighting it/myself.
Since then I've had so much therapy, I've done mindfulness, I've made lots of progress. Medicationwise I've tried one that made it worse, and another one that I guess worked but I barely felt a difference and it absolutely killed what little sex drive I had and also sex stopped working for me, and it also made me fart a lot and stinkily.
So I was happy to stop when it was proposed, and very unwilling to try any more.
A couple of years later I had another high anxiety breakdown where every second felt like torture because I was so scared by every little thing.
Eventually I was issued medication, and I kid you not, the morning after I went into the kitchen and felt... normal. It was so weird and such a relief. I felt like myself, but without anxiety. For three weeks I was having heat waves and muscle twitching and felt physically ill byt it was so worth it. The only lasting side effect was some muscle twitching.
I kept loving it, and it kept surprising me how things that "should" (ie would) have given me anxiety just didn't. It was a marvel every time. I was honestly ready to take this medication for the rest of my life. But a tiiiiiny part of me wondered if there might be an even better one.
A couple of years later I got a message from my doctor that there was a new medication that might make me feel a bit more energised, and it had no reported sexual side effects. When I got the digital note I thought that "no way, I'm not in a place where I can afford to mess around with my mental stability". But when we met she pitched it so good that I was felt that "why not? What's the harm?".
The harm was:
1. Quitting my meds was possibly worse than starting them.
2. I got severe anxiety physically, and only years of traning and more confidence in myself stopped me from spiralling completely, but it felt like a close call several times.
3. This got better after a while but:
progress I had taken for granted was shattered (I had recently been able to start feeling a bit neutral about sex, and now I can barely even give my partner a peck on the mouth again)
my self confidence is heavily beat up
after weeks of seeing if the new medication will kick in, it seems it just won't.
Now, my plan was that "if the new one doesn't work I can just go back to the old one". And I want to. But I'm scared.
I'm scared it won't work anymore.
I'm scared my progress and confidence will still be gone and I'll have to work hard for a long time to get back to where I was. I had finally been able to relax and I'm so tired of having to actively work on myself.
I'm scared I won't feel as happy with my old medication this time because last time it saved me from 24/7 torture, this time it's just discomfort. Maybe I'll discover side effects I didn't notice last time.
And also I'm so tired of crazy symptoms of changing meds, and I'm not looking forward to three weeks of feeling like I have some crazy fever or something
(Of course these fears and "what if"s are made worse by me not being on a working medication)
So yeah. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.
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Kinda pissed
This has not been an easy year. Hell, my life fall apart back in March. The 28th to be acurate.
So my epilepsy has returned and boy is it pissed that I went four years off of all meds without a single seizure. But as all epileptics say, "Fuck Epilepsy". I was in the hospital for 3 or 4 days. With a woman going through alchol withdrawls who took out her IVS and everything else and peed and pooped and layed in her head and then escaped to the bathroom. Once that was over with, my bad luck contuined.
I had to have a doctor's note to go back to work. My general doctor said not until you talk to a neurologist. I said fine. But also told the doctor that I had no epilepsy medications. He said not to worry I cuold get into a neurologist in 2 days and be on meds and I would be fine.
First doctor appointment I could get was 3 weeks away. I said fine, I have lots of vacation time! My mom drives me to the appointment, I have a seizure right there in the parking lot. The neurologist refuses to see me and tells me mom to take me to the ER. Already been there and they refuse to give me medication. Bitch give me a presciption and I'm out of here. No diec. And honestly, all I did was look around confused as all get out.
Second doctor appointment for a neur........3 weeks away. Fine. My vacation days are slipping away, but I can handle it. The day my mom starts driving me to this place an hour away we get a phone call. Doctor called in because of a family emergency.
Third appointment, another 3 week wait. Fine. First meds he puts me on has me vomiting like in the movie Stand By Me. So after the vomiting does not stop after he asked me to wait for 2 weeks, and the fact that I develop a rash and literally scratched until I bled on my back of all places, he gives me another drug. But he tells me to be careful because these are super strong drugs and they have "street value" and I might be robbed if anyone knows I have them. Fine I take them.
First time I take one I'm okay. I take 1 for 1 week, then he moves me up to 2 a day. One at night and one in the morning. Then 2 in the morning and 1 at night, then 2 during the day and 2 at night. The next day at work, one of the bosses calls an ambulance because she says I'm acting weird. I admit, that moring I took a little cough medicine, not even a full dose. And that's how I ended up at the hospital again.They let me go after 2 days.
A month later I'm at work, I'm running some old library books to the front desk. Next thing I know someone is standing over me, "Do you know who I am?" I shake my head no. I'm literally looking at you with my blind eye. I can barely see a thing. Oh look, they called 911 again. And off I am carted to the hospital, against my wishes. But I admit I tried to call my mom, but couldn't figure out how to use the phone. They let me go after 4 hours.
My neuro decides I need MORE medication. So he gives me another one. Now I'm taking 5 epilepsy pills in the morning and 5 at night.
Epilepsy pills are known for giving brain fogs , making you forget everything, and for some people, making you want to suicide. So I know run around work and forget what I'm doing. Or better yet, forget the names of things..........like what a pencil is called.
I'm keeping a journal because my new shrink said to give it a try for some CBT - cognitive behavior therapy. And I told him in the beginning, I have tried that before, it DOES NOT HELP WITH THE DEPRESSION. Heck, it makes it worse. Look, I saw this shrink 2 times then he moved out of state. (because of course he did)
So now I have a system, where were you on the suicide scale today, 1-10. And no I will not kill myself. I promised my mother I would not hurt myself again until she was dead. And now I kinda have to take care of dad. So even if mom dies, I still have to take care of dad (deaf and blind and lots of other medical issues). I fear I will make it to my 60s.
At the same time I got a new diabetic doctor. He gave me 2 meds. One was ozempic. He told me just to get past the first 4 weeks. That I was fat, and it would help with that and help with my diabetes. I was all, I've taken meds my whole life I'll be fine. I couldn't move out of the bed. I got dizzy. Two weeks in, I tell my mom what was going on. At one point I just stopped eatting for 4 days. Then I had a yogurt. I had to drag myself down the stairs in stages. Literally my mom drove ten hours and brought me to her summer home. She forced me to eat at least one yogurt or soup a day. We tried calling the diabetic doctor, but he had quit his job and moved to Ohio. Because of course he did! So we had to find another diabetic doctor. And of course the wait list was forever. And he thinks I should be on these medications. So he refuses to change them, even when I end up vomiting in a trash can.
At the same time I'm going to a cardiologist. He decides I'm not having seizures. That I have too much blood pressure meds and takes me off them cold turkey. The hospital people think that the time I was half drunk off cough medicine that the blood was leaving my head because I was standing up. ANd he also thinks it's because of the medicine the diabetic doctor is giving me. Not the ozempic, the other one. Angry notes and phone calls are written between the two. They each decide the other doctor is wrong.
Did I mention I used up four months worth of vacation leave before I got a doctoe note to go back to work? Four MONTHS. ANd at one point my job just stopped giving me money. I ended up asking mom for a loan.
So I'm already sick. I was suppose to go to Spain for my cousin's wedding. Didn't get to go. Was super pissed. Since I don't have Any time left I also missed the family reunion that we only have every four years. And did I mention, during all of thiss, my cousin's 22 year old daughter decides to show up. She's here to take a class At Georgia Tech in English. I love Monica, I really do. Bit I haven't been able to drive because no driving once epilepsy comes back. At my house I was just walking to Walmart. At my mom's house there's nothing around. So I have to find a way to bring my lunch to work. For those of you wondering, there is a lunch thief. Also are fridges are not that clean or young.
Anyhow, Monica is taking my car to the beach and stuff. Good for her. Until I actually she her at the beach. Look, people think she's 12 because of the way she looks. She's tiny, petite. Her shoe size is 5. I'm glaring at all the old men out there looking at her like she's a steak dinner.
So the lifeguard blows his whistle and puts up the red flag. We were about to get in the water. So I ask him what does the red flag mean. "Shark" he says. So I tell my cousin. She says, "ah, okay" goes down the beach a bit so the lifeguard can't see her and just goes in the ocean anyhow. And I'm all like, "What the fuck?!" SO I chase in after her. If she got bitten, my cousin would KILL me and all of Florida. We actually saw the shark, just a small one. But she swims towards the shark. At this point I'm starting to think that I must be dreamng. What kind of idiot goes up to try to pet a shark?! Luckily the shark wims away terrified of my cousin.
Is it done? Oh no, the lifeguard now puts up the flag for jellyfish. And I have to chase her as she chases the jelly fish. She claims Florida jellyfish don't sting as badly as the Spainish ones. I'm like......how do I get her out of the ocean. Well the sun starts setting and I tempt her with another pina colda. That's how I got her out of the ocean.
Then my mom decides I'm well enough and leaves me alone with her for like 2 weeks so she can get her chemo. At this point Monica is kinda panicing. She had to do a test to figure out which English class to put her in. She got 6 out of 7 so she did great. But she thinks she's going to be the dumbest peron there and gets all blue. I'm an introvert. I need my alone time. But I took her to a street with bars and dancing. Yuck, I hate dancing. ANd this calmed her down, especially after all the phone numbers she got from the local guys.
Did I mention the medications that I'm taking are destroying my one good eye? So soon I might be totally blind. It's lke a fog sometimes shows up and I know no one else can see it. So I'm not sure I can do storytime. I'm gonna ask my eye doctor next time I see him. (I get steroid shots in my eyes once a month).
And the newest drama. The car wreck on March 28th? I was served papers. Two of the people are sueing me for 100,000 each. My anxiety is through the roof.
If you got this far, thank you for reading my word vomit.
I am so depressed and anxious and tired. I feel like I'm going to explode
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i feel a bit venty so do scroll past if death, pet loss, hallucinations, just like bad coping or like medical stuff bothers you!! just fair warning, it's just there's a lot of sad shit here.
something to note about me is that while most people don't cope with death very well, I don't cope with it at all.
i have an extremely hard time coping with it and moving past it. I live in constant fear of it, not of me dying but of everyone else dying. i hate it, I hate it so much.
I didn't handle my grandmother's death well at all, while most other people just moved along (besides my mom), I stayed there crying at the sight of anything that reminded me of her or seeing her walk towards me or hear her talk to me. it got so bad, I hallucinated her in my dreams after the fact. it was just bad, and I still struggle but I think that's just something that happens. its been two years and I still have my moments but I stopped crying for the most part.
I didn't handle techno well either, he was a great comfort to me when I was dealing with my own medical fears in the summer of 21' and I was devastated when I found out he even got cancer in the first place. and part of me feels bad at how hopeful I was that he'd be okay, because he wasn't and his family lost him, his friends, his community lost him. i still haven't stopped crying over that one and I hallucinate him sometimes too, it's very occasional and sparse now but it was a lot worse at the beginning. it was always worse at the beginning.
and yesterday, I took my cat (who I've had since 2021 before my grandma passed, and that was my cat that bonded with me) to the vet yesterday for a heavy breathing issue. it got worse and my parents finally caved and noticed it more too and we took him to the animal hospital. he seemed to get worse in the car, he was kind of panicky in the carrier before we left the house but I have a feeling it was already bad and he was in pain when he was panicked. he loves small spaces and he loves the carrier. on our way there his breathing got so much worse, it would slow at times, almost stop and I was talking to him the whole way. he was crying to me so much. I'd tell him to focus on his breathing and his breathing would get better and he would stop crying for a bit and I kept doing that the whole way there, it was a 20 minute drive. when we got there, I carried him in and I talked to him. the vet already had stuff ready for him so they took him back not even a few minutes after we stepped in the door. i could still hear him crying from the back. and then we went into the little vet room, and it stopped. he stopped crying. i started to text my mom and told her maybe they sedated him so they could take care of him. and then they told me he coded and asked if they could do CPR. I knew it was bad, I had a feeling in the car he was going to die there, but he held on until I couldn't see him anymore. and they couldn't save him. they couldn't save my baby. they tried and tried, I heard it all. I heard everything every sound, every attempt. they couldn't save him. and then they brought him to me, wrapped in a little blanket he would've killed to have. and I held him and I cried so much. he would have never let me hold him like a baby when he was alive. he only liked being held with his back paws on my hand and his arms over my shoulder and his chin rested with his upper paws. he started hugging me like that a few weeks before he passed. I think he knew. i really think he knew. and god, I should've pushed to take him in earlier, when I saw his breathing get weird the first day. maybe I would still have my buddy and maybe I wouldn't be here crying like I am.
i feel so stupid crying over a cat like he was my flesh and blood, but to me he might as well have been.. he'd follow me around and he liked to watch over me and he took care of me, he was never very cuddly and I was getting to the point where his cuddle stage was kicking in, but he passed before I could get him to stay laying on me for more than a few minutes.. he had so much energy man. he loved to jump up on his hind legs to bump the top of his head to your hand. he was so sweet. he had the same look in his eyes that my grandma did before she passed, the "I love you and I'm sorry" look. maybe I'm looking too into it, but I need something, anything. i have one person that I've known for a good while that's there for me and they are so busy they don't have time to console me. everyone else doesn't seem to care (not talking about elliot), or care enough about me. i share my friend group with my sibling and that's always fucking rough bc I feel like I'm not their friend? I'm just the older brother that hangs around sometimes. i just hate everything right now, and I can't cope..and I'm already seeing him everywhere. and I'm wearing his collar as a bracelet. i feel like most people pick up from where they left off after a pet dies and I just can't do that. i can't at all. i just can't.
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Eating disorders, medication, emeto,positive!
I just realized that it’s been so long since I recall my stomach feeling bloated and awful?? I’ve been nauseous and on the verge of puking my guts out some days from side effects but having had so much time without feeling like binging at all I realise so much about my body and it’s needs. Makes the medication easier to take n keep tracking on
Before, I felt this compulsive pattern of eating just shape my days. People kept telling me it’s a deep seated emotional reaction to trauma but I don’t know, sometimes binging food was like that but more often it was just this. Carnal drive to eat eat eat. And higher calorie foods weren’t just comfort the way I feel about sushi or my mamas borscht, I just felt this intense desire to consume a certain amount of sugar before going to bed like clockwork for YEARS. Most often I’d literally be awarding myself for good control n then literally NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP without EATING GUMMY WORMS OR SOME SHIT
Looking back my insulin resistance like the fucking disease, and not a moral failure and a lack of accountability, it is was probably the thing driving me on like a hormonal level. I hear that it’s very related to sleep cycles n that stuff too.
When I wasn’t busy binging, my body instead decided to cling to all adipose like a vice which should really have been a major red flag to every medical professional too busy making assumptions about my diet or fiber intake.
I’ve talked extensively about how stimulants fuck with you. Some times on super high doses I’ve considered stopping altogether bc it certainly exacerbates any digestive issues. The fun of starving easily dies out when the pain catches up. Then you realize this isn’t about control. Your body just rejects the notion of food to the point where swallowing makes you GAG even if you take it with water. Breads and carbs especially feel so… dense and hard to get through. As a child with an eating disorder I spent years dreaming about that kind of “”discipline”” that stops you from eating for days. You feel compelled to just drink your nutrition but even with stew-thick smoothies, your body is not going to like it. I know ppl do “”juice cleanses “”” or whatever n I’m not educated enough in its benefits but from personal experience, the pain n then feeling so hungry you’re sick is just. Awful
And YET I was still OVERWEIGHT it made no fuckinh sense I felt like I was going CRAZY!!! A suggested calorie intake began to just drop to the point where I was completing these days of like 700-900 calories and Nothing Was Happening!!!!! When I was a teenager pre meds it was even worse because literally no matter how much I punished that unrelenting appetite by starvation or “control” I received NO REWARD. Like straight up I did not believe it was possible to lose 2lbs in a week lol
I’m not gonna excuse the constant emotional abuse of “you’d be so pretty if you lost x weight” because frankly that fatphobic rhetoric nearly killed me and destroyed my friendship with my stepdad and made my home life this judgy living hell. My inability to crack it at the time made it my biggest insecurity and literally every single abusive force around me use it as ammunition.
Puked till I lost teeth. Adhd pills to the point of fearing a heart attack
It’s probably the biggest reason I’ve pulled my adhd medication dosage way down consistently. The power you get from just being able to put something down, to not constantly be obsessed with imagining what stuff tastes like or want to eat, is unbelievable and I feel like a normal human being. It just makes me want to cry for my young self who was constantly told they were the problem, it was my fault, I was overeating on purpose because I was d̑̈ȃ̈m̑̈ȃ̈g̑̈ȇ̈d̑̈ and constantly put on diets that crushed self esteem n made my issues literally worse.
There’s just a weird liberating feeling from eating what you want and not feeling this weird pull to do it. I’m making such good decisions on a lot of my food when I’m being mindful now
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Some Podcasts as Welcome to Night Vale Quotes
Because I can. These are just the ones I could find quotes for, or that I'm subscribed to, so I may post an updated version later.
The Magnus Archives: There’s no cause for concern. We’re way past that now. If you’re not feeling mild terror then you haven’t been paying attention
The Penumbra Podcast (Junoverse): It is the good and the bad. It is the sound of the world. A world that will kill you, but also a world that will allow you to live
Wolf 359: I come to you live from under my desk, where I dragged my microphone and am currently hiding in the fetal position.
Archive 81: *static* *rising tones* *abrupt end of episode*
Eos 10: The Night Vale Medical Board announced today that they can’t help you. Not if you’re gonna keep screaming like that! They also asked that you clean up a bit before you come in. They don’t want to get sick!
Death by Dying: Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you
Stellar Firma: We have nothing to fear except ourselves. We are unholy, awful people. Fear ourselves with silence. Look down, look down, and forget what you've done.
Brimstone Valley Mall: There’s a special place in Hell. It’s really hip. Very exclusive.
Ars PARADOXICA: Time is weird. So is space. I hope ours match again someday
The Amelia Project: if you see something, say nothing and drink (cocoa) to forget
Startripper!!: Space tip: bring a sweater
The Orbiting Human Circus (of the air): I'm a single issue voter. If the candidate is not a baby polar bear, I straight up cannot vote for them.
#i will hopefully update this as I remember better quotes and more podcasts#The Magnus Archives#The Penumbra Podcast#Wolf 359#oooo it feels wrong doing one of the these without wtnv#Archive 81#Eos 10#Stellar Firma#haven’t actually listened to much of ars PARADOXICA#and I’m not gonna tag the rest#tma#tpp#w359#wanted to do something second citadel but there are no real fantasy type quotes#nor many about lizards#night vale quotes#gonna shut up in the tags now#grand tour
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this is late and probably weird but i've never seen anyone acknowledge that theo didn't actually have a heart condition. it always gets me in fics where they say that he did (which is the majority) bc it takes away so much from his character to be like 'he had to kill his sister so he didn't die' or whatever. it's very irrational but i always get a little pressed. it's def easier to say he did bc that makes it easier to sympathise with him but it's way more interesting and canonically correct for him to have had nothing medically wrong (except for the asthma) but still have gone done the path he did. again this is dumb. also I love inglorious roommates. the characterisation of theo and liam in it is so good and I can't wait for the next chapter!
Hello hello!! I know you said not to answer bc this anon wasn’t meant for me buuuuuut I’m going to bc you bring up a really good point that I want to talk about. This is long because I over analyse teen wolf in my free time, be prepared for it.
(also I agree, inglorious roommates is top tier & the author does an excellent job of portraying Theo and Liam in their own way so if anyone hasn't read it, go read it on ao3 it’s by @honeyscapes)
You’re 100% right. No one in the canon teen wolf universe (except for Valack) actually acknowledges the fact that while Theo was a sick kid, it wasn’t because of his heart.
I believe as someone who loves Theo & his storyline that it is more intriguing to see that selfish, extreme side of Theo from a young age because it brings up the fact that there are many more layers to his personality than just being the villain of season 5. I also think that when Theo talks to whoever he’s talking to (stiles? I think?) when he says that he was only 9 and didn’t know any better than to trust the doctors that he was more likely than not, telling the truth. it then leads us to believe that his homelife as a child wasn’t good and that really, he was probably looking for an escape like most children would that age (but DEFINITELY not to that extreme).
This makes his plot line that more refreshing and the (eventual) beginning of his redemption arc more promising. Knowing that a 9 year old kid was all to be manipulated into killing his sister for her heart gives us wayyyy more insight into what the writers were trying to do with Theo’s character than some of the fandom realise. I think the root of his relationship to with the doctors was fear, much like the other chimeras; We saw it first hand when he went with Liam and Scott to get mason back. He was scared of being a failure and not being strong enough because for him that meant that he was going to be killed and a child that would fall into this type of manipulation would have to already had some psychological issues to even consider killing their own sibling for their own personal gain.
It is canon through season 5 and season 6 that Theo is not a selfless person by default, and if he is selfless it’s because he actively chooses to be. The best examples of this is being the bait in the hospital with Liam. We know that Theo made the split second decision to save Liam and put him in the elevator because of the ambulance scene earlier in the episode where he says that Liam is going first [when speaking abt getting caught by ghost riders]. It can and has been argued that Theo’s motives for this were selfish and I only disagree w/ this opinion when people say he did it for bad selfish reasons like he has in the past. I think that at the core of it all, Theo just wants to prove himself and be seen as good enough. Liam pulled him out of the ground to help? he made sure he helped. Scott called him to help Liam with the hunters at the hospital? that's where he went. Theo doesn’t want to go back to the skinwalker’s prison so he continues to be helpful and to show Scott and Liam that he can be trusted enough to be called on when they need him (and eventually he was when at the end of ‘wolves of war’ Scott said allies and Theo was shown). Theo was selfish when he did these things, because who wouldn’t be if it meant getting sent back to their own personal hell, but also because he felt like he needed to prove himself so that Liam wouldn't send him back like he kept saying he would.
We don't know a whole lot about the skinwalker’s prison, why it was tara or why it was at the hospital but one of my favourite takes on it is that a person who gets sent to the skinwalkers prison must live out their biggest regret over and over again. Some people would probably disagree with me (which is 100% okay if you do, I can respect that!!) but when Liam and Stiles followed Theo to the bridge and Liam smelt grief I believe that that was real and the reason I do is because of Stiles’ immediate reaction when he figured out what he was doing at the bridge. I’d probably have to go back and rewatch the episode but I don't think initially that Theo knew he was being followed to the bridge until Liam and Stiles were in his (supernatural) earshot, this means that he went to Taras bridge willingly to grieve her. Another thing, when Theo initially comes back to beacon hills on the night of senior scribe he says “I guess I look a little different from the forth grade” (which, no fucking shit you would've been 9 and now you're 17 but that's not the point) and then later when Stiles is talking to Malia at the front of the school when Theo gets dropped off he says “That’s not Theo from the fourth grade”. This means that we are lead to believe that while Theo tried to play off that fact that him, Scott and Stiles were just classmates, they were actually closer than that. Keeping the trio’s potential history in mind, its canon that Theo didn’t leave Beacon Hills till a year after Tara’s death, meaning that anything that would've happened in that year (including the Raeken’s grieving) would've meant that most likely Stiles was there to see some of it. I believe that overall, Theo did come to regret Tara’s death before being sent where he was sent but I don't think that he was regretting it the same was pre-hell as he was post-hell. I can go further into detail abt that but I won't on this post bc its already so long omg I am so sorry anon!
As for me, I like both takes on it. The fanon universe where Theo did have a heart condition and the canon universe where he didn’t lets us have two sides to the same character and personally while I don't have an issue with it I can see why some people would! Theo is a very complex character which means that the fandom is kind of given free rein to have their own opinions, thoughts and feelings on him without it being too inaccurate (as long as its all canon-compliant with his character, that is). Theo is written to be the type of character than you hate to love and love to hate and full props goes to Cody Christian for absolutely knocking it out of the park!
hope my response to your ask makes sense, anon! thank you even though it wasn’t meant for me initially :)
#theo raeken#cody christian#teen wolf#teen wolf analysis#pegs analyses teen wolf#pegs talks#Theo and scott#Theo and liam#Theo and stiles#Theo and tara raeken#Theo and the mccall pack#the mccall pack#teen wolf season 5#teen wolf season 6#character analysis
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— Dabi didn’t want you in the slightest, but he’d be damned if anyone touched you without knowing that you belonged to him
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pairing: yandere!dabi x fem!reader
warnings: 18+, nsfw, gorey (blood and puss), branding, yandere!dabi, semi-public sex, consented sex that turns into nonconish, spitting, heavy degradation, hardcore, sadist!dabi, mindbreak
word count: 5,588
a/n: im so terribly sorry for being so late with kinktober. my keyboard is super fucked up and I had a crazy busy weekend. please do not read this if you are easily offended it got a bit crazy lol ;-; well at least for what i typically write sorry
kinktober day 17 main kink: branding | kinktober masterlist
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Dabi didn’t care about you.
As you lay on the broken, dirty mattress (was this even a mattress?) that belonged to who knows who and was in this alleyway for who knows how long, there was no telling if you wouldn’t contract some form of an STD just by laying here in your filth. You wanted to sit up. You needed to get out of this sketchy alleyway just to continue the day. But your body hurts, everything hurts.
But the tears in your eyes had long dried out. The blood, cum, spit, puss, and drool on the bed making for an unpleasant, pitiful sight beneath and on you.
But I guess there was no reason for anyone to try and take you, even like that.
There was already a warning, a brand for anyone to fucking try and take you from the person who owned you.
His name pulsed on every throbbing, bubbling white-hot pain on your body. His hands and name forever scarred and branded on your skin.
Dabi
Dabi
Dabi
Dabi
It hurt.
It hurt so much.
But you couldn’t even cry as a black cat with piercing blue eyes landed on the mattress centimeters from your face. It was too much.
And in the middle of the alleyway, your eyes shut, and a painful unconscious slammed through you. Consciousness no longer your friend as you ended there, ass up, gaping, cum splattering hole available for everyone to see.
It didn’t matter, you clearly belonged to Dabi, and anyone who tried to take you would be consumed with a horrid fate.
.
..
.
Dabi’s mouth was pulled back into an angry, unamused snarl.
Typically speaking, the black-haired Frankenstein of a man could look more apathetic than the gods of apathy themselves, but if you bugged him just enough, things could sink under his skin faster than you could run. But today, he seemed to have every annoying thing happen to him event after event so that he was practically simmering with putrid anger.
It had started when you had left his room in the morning louder than he liked. You both had begun a sexual relationship of sorts. As much as the League was intent and focused on driving out the hero society, libidos and sexual needs could hardly be ignored. Especially as Dabi’s own libido grew with the more success he had, the closer he was to achieve his own goal. It made sense that he and you began this relationship. He wasn’t going to touch any of the guys in the group, not to mention the fact they were about as ugly as he was, so that meant he’d have to potentially stare down at a nasty face moaning and screaming. That wasn’t going to happen. Toga was a psycho bitch that Dabi could never understand, and with her stupid stabbing addiction, he wasn’t about to trust her near his genitals.
You had been a late joiner in the group, some dumb, weak, quirkless little bitch.
Dabi had no idea why Shigaraki had ever allowed you to join in the first place.
You added absolutely nothing to the group.
Being quirkless meant that you were a liability in any type of fight they got into because you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself. You threw a mean punch, and you had been training with Toga in the weird-ass fighting style of hers, but it was stupid, utterly pointless because as long as Dabi and others possessed the ability to kill you without needing you near, you were a walking target.
You were also a terrible medic. Whenever the group would return with serious and not so serious injuries, you would scream, panic, and apply bandages terribly. It was so bad that Dabi would rather die of infection than have your blubbering form try to get anywhere near his cuts and burns.
You were a horrible liar too. Couldn’t send you into any of the Pro Hero bases or UA in an attempt to gather more information to help the group's efforts. Toga had merely transformed into a random citizen without you knowing, and your ability to be suave was a joke.
But one day, Dabi figured out why exactly Shigaraki decided to let you in, why you were someone worth letting live. He had gone to the bar for a simple drink. His head throbbing due to the fight he had gotten into while recruiting for the League. But what he came to see in that bar was that you were in the bar with Shigaraki and Kurogiri.
He looked at you as you were on your knees on the barstool. Your breasts swelling over that stupid tanktop of yours, your dumb ass shaking like a damn dog as you talked excitedly to Shigaraki. That, for whatever reason, bugged Dabi. The tinge of color on his stupid leader’s ears and cheeks also went noticed by Dabi, and suddenly as you grabbed onto Shigaraki’s shoulders, it all made perfect sense.
You were here to be made as a whore.
Dabi ended up leaving the bar without getting his drink after all that day.
But he had caught you skipping to your assigned room, and he blocked your way, his hand shoved into his pockets as you looked down at your wide eyes.
“So that’s the role you’ll play in the world of no heroes,” Dabi spoke, his lips pulling into a lazy smirk, warmth flooding his cold skin when your own face seemed twisted with confusion and worry.
“I’m not playing any role?” you speak slowly, obviously confused, but Dabi doesn’t dwell on the confusion in your eyes or the way you step backward away from him. He follows you, stalking your every move until you’re backed against the door of his room, your doe eyes large and practically screaming for help, which only seemed to excite Dabi. You wouldn’t be finding a hero in this organization. No, you either learned how to swim, drown, or take everyone down with you.
“Oh, so you’re not playing any games here?” Dabi asks, his hand slamming against the door right by your head, his head tilting as he leans in close to your face. He can basically breathe the anxiety spilling from your veins, festering, and throbbing underneath your skin as you find yourself unable to speak. “You joined our little group knowing that Shigaraki wanted to fuck you? Use you as the willing whore that you are?”
The fear drained from your eyes, and anger blazed instead, and for some reason, that only made Dabi more excited. He pressed up closer to you, the hardness of his cock, unable to be ignored as he pressed his swelling length to your hip.
“I’m not here to be Shigaraki’s whore,” you growled, your lips pulled back into a fearsome growl, but to Dabi, knowing the stupid, weak quirkless bitch that you were, made you look like some angry dumb puppy. “I’ve been just as wronged by this world as you have. Just because I didn’t burn off all my skin to prove I don’t fit in doesn’t mean I don’t have scars too.”
Dabi laughed, the smell of heat rising from his skin as he couldn’t help but display his power, couldn’t help but to warn you just who was capable of the most immense damage.
“Burn me,” you snapped, your nose nearly brushing against his. “Prove my fucking point.”
Dabi let out a throaty hum, the feeling of your stomach shifting against his tented pants, only serving to arouse him more.
“Trust me, pup, I don’t have all my skin burned off,” Dabi couldn’t help but ignore your own issues of being upset as his mouth crashed against yours.
That night, Dabi realized that maybe you did serve this group in two ways, albeit one was much, much more important than the other.
One, the lesser important reason: you brought in a new demographic. A new viewpoint of people who had been hurt by heroes and civilians who looked to All Might like a god. Quirkless people, and people with quirks that practically made them worthless, were seen as inferior because they weren’t unique. They could never be like All Might. And for that, they were seen as less, a group that deserved to die and were discriminated against for reasons far beyond their control.
Two, the more important reason: you were Dabi’s fuckhole.
This sexually frustrated, anger-fueled sex the two of you had was more than ideal, really. Dabi loved to fuck you whenever he needed, whenever he wanted. He took you anywhere and everywhere he wanted. Each time he grew bolder and bolder until he was fucking you during a meeting, fucking you while you were in a car with everyone, making your way to the next destination.
He could care less about your whining pleas to only fuck in a room where no one could see, couldn’t care if you thought the alleyway was dirty, and the scent of dead burning bodies made your head spin. You were a quirkless fuckhole, and you would do as he told.
But Dabi would never admit you were his.
No, he would not.
Not now, not ever.
But there was something stupidly irritating and annoying hearing barely useful members of the now Paranormal Liberation Front. Everyone was obsessed with you, the useless quirkless girl who was weak and needed protection. Everyone loved the way your tits bounced when you hopped around excitedly, loved the way your ass shook when you were sitting at a bar because, for whatever damn reason, you could never sit on your fucking ass.
So, that’s where we find Dabi. His mouth pulled back into an unamused, angry snarl as you talked with some nameless member that Dabi thought was better off dead than as some deadweight help.
“You can’t expect y/l/n-chan to be so kind to you when you’re quite the asshole to her, Dabi,” Compress chided Dabi as he took a smooth, slow drink from his sake. “You pester her daily, and from what the rumors tell me, harass her often enough that I’m surprised she hasn’t taken your face off.”
“She’s too fucking weak for that shit,” Dabi snapped, his eyes narrowing when your hand placed itself on the nameless shits arm. “She can’t do shit; that’s why she’s acting like a shallow whore. She’ll let anyone fuck her as long as it means she gets protected.”
Compress raised his eyebrow, his face not letting anything on as he slowly placed his glass down.
“Y/l/n-chan sleeps around?”
Dabi actually felt the heat rising from his skin. He didn’t know if you were, and the thought of knowing that someone other than him was fucking your tight little pussy after he did irritates him much more than he’d like.
“I don’t fucking know, you’re the one telling me about fucking rumors. You tell me.”
“From what I hear, she doesn’t give in to anyone, despite the obvious flirting,” Compress shrugged when Dabi’s eyes locked on him in bewildered disbelief. “Why do you care, Dabi? You’re typically so aloof and annoyingly stoic. What about y/l/n-chan makes you so temperamental?”
Dabi felt his spine stiffen at those words, the inquisitive yet entirely sharp words that gutted him from the inside out. Dabi didn’t care for you. He knew he didn’t. If you dropped dead in the middle of the floor in three seconds, he knew he wouldn’t panic. He wouldn’t mourn you. He might mourn the warm body he fucked whenever he needed, sure, but not you, never just you.
He blinked.
He didn’t need to like you for you to be his.
Heroes were what was wrong with society, but relationships were also what was wrong with people. The twisting desire for equality and equity between two different people when it should never be as such, to begin with. Dabi was powerful. You were quirkless and weak. Dabi held power, he was the one who should be deciding what you should be able to do, what you can’t, and something in the depths of his mind finally clicked.
You were his.
You belonged to Dabi.
You were nothing without Dabi.
The laugh that poured from your lips and the man next to you, that Dabi swore he could hear right now, suddenly made sense as to why it bothered him. You don’t entertain or try to use things that don’t belong to you. You use only what is yours, and anyone who tries to touch what belongs to you is allowed capital punishment.
But Dabi, against better judgment, wasn’t a trigger happy idiot.
No, he was aware of the things idiots needed to see in order to back off. To understand that some things were there for free, and other things were already taken. He laughed, grabbing the rest of Compress’s sake and downing it before slamming it onto the table and standing up, ignoring the angered curses from Compress as he stalked toward you.
There weren’t many things in life that made Dabi lose control of his emotions, but knowing that you were out in the open without a clear mark that you were his was slowly making its way on that list.
“Let’s go,” Dabi says, his voice perfectly calm despite the heat blazing off his every muscle. His hand was wrapped around your wrist, gripping your skin tightly as he tugged you from the barstool.
It didn’t take much for you to fall off the stool, your stupid way of sitting on bar stools allowed significant imbalance, and Dabi knew that a sharp tug is all it took to have you stumbling off.
“I was talking with Trumpet!” you cried, unable to keep from stumbling after Dabi, your eyes focused on Trumpet.
“I was speaking with y/n, if you would allow us to finish our—” Trumpet also piped up, his hands reaching to button up his suit as he stood.
“Shut up,” Dabi spoke coldly, his eyes narrowing just slightly as he took in his gaze.
With that, Dabi continued to walk away, dragging your protesting form behind him with every great stride he took. Dabi didn’t know where he was walking, only knowing that he was ignoring every question and angry demand that filtered out of your mouth like white noise. He took sharp turns, disappearing into the alleys that he knew all too well until he found the spot he was looking for.
You were panting heavily when you suddenly slammed into Dabi’s back, exhaustion already setting in your bones from the awkward run you had to maintain in order to keep up with Dabi. You weren’t an idiot; you knew that Dabi wanted to fuck the moment that he appeared behind you with a wave of hot air. But you hadn’t expected it to be while you were in the middle of a conversation with Trumpet; while he was an asshole, Dabi always let you finish your conversations before taking you to fuck. But not this time.
Which worried you.
Both of you had fucked the entire night last night. Your body had been abused in a million exciting ways as Dabi unleashed his libido onto you, and you had kept up swimmingly. Typically, a fuckfest like that was enough to satisfy him for a few days, two days at least, so to have him back on you within twelve hours was a bit of a shock.
The sun was still in the sky, after all.
“You really know how to piss me the fuck off, y/n,” Dabi spoke, his tone and words ice-cold despite the blazing heat of his body. “Why is it that you think you have the right to flounder yourself off like some common bitch?”
You freeze. Oh? Was he jealous?
You had no time to even open your mouth to ask, most likely having taken too long to answer his question because his hand flared with heat, and you couldn’t help the scream that ripped through your throat. Tearing your hand from Dabi, you looked down at your burnt, throbbing skin. Your eyes widened, pained tears in your eyes as Dabi turned around, his eyes blank, cold, lifeless.
“I’m not sure if I ever made this clear before,” Dabi asked, stalking toward you, and you whimper, holding your tender wrist to your chest as you feel something make contact with the back of your calves. “I don’t care about you. If you were to disappear the next day and never return, I wouldn’t care. Maybe I’d miss your pretty little pussy, but other than that… nothing. But you need to understand something for as long as we’re together and for how long we’re apart: you’re mine, y/n, just mine.”
Your eyes are wide, terrified of the monster before you. This wasn’t the Dabi that fucked you every night before this, this was someone else, and sour acid hits the back of your throat.
His lips are on you without hesitation. The biting coldness of his staples on his cheeks and chin burn against your skin, and his hot hands are against the cold skin of your waist, and you gasp loudly. His tongue invades your mouth immediately, and you whimper, feeling how much colder his tongue was in comparison to yours. But you know what it’s like to share a bed with Dabi, you know that he knows of your bodies every twitch and innate desires, and like a trained dog, you cave to him despite the painful tears dripping down your cheeks.
His kisses are much like his fire, hot, encompassing, all-consuming until there was nothing left except the smell and taste of ashes and smoke. You fell to his needs immediately, the hot, swollen throb in your wrist going ignored as you kissed him back, wanting to taste the smoke on his tongue. So as the heat of his body evaporated the tears off your cheeks, you caved into his kisses.
Your wrist throbbed as your hands reached up and curled into his hair.
But the biting possessiveness of his body was all too apparent to you as his teeth buried into your tongue and sucked on it harshly. You gasped, your body arching into his touch as you opened your closed eyes to peer into his piercing lifeless eyes.
You moaned, body trembling with the wild desire to make him feel good, to make yourself feel good. But you fell, his teeth letting go of your tongue and his calloused, burnt hands pushing you onto the object beneath you. The mildewy mold scent of the mattress beneath you burned into your nose, somehow damp even though there had been no rain for weeks.
Dabi was on you immediately, his body between your legs, lips simmering against your mouth once more, and his hand on your throat. His staples scraped against your chin, the cold metal scratching into your skin until it hurt. You can’t recall the last time he put this horrible power on his grips, you felt your head beginning to spin with the slow, dizzying throb of losing all oxygen, but Dabi took no mind to your struggles; in fact, it seemed to be enjoying it.
“Come on, doll, kiss me back like you actually fucking mean it,” Dabi snapped, his hands burning even more against your throat, and the other made contact with your pants. Your clothes were burnt to singe, the smell of burning fabric had long been a scent you had been familiar with, but you couldn’t even gather the energy to cry about the clothes he just burnt off your body. “Stop acting like a little bitch,” he growls, obviously noticing your shift in character, “be a good doll, and do as you’re told.”
Despite the burning, stabbing feeling in your skin, and the way you couldn’t keep the silent tears from stopping you from doing as you were told. You kiss him back as you once had before, your jaw dropping and your tongue reaching to meet his.
Dabi growled, clearly liking the suddenly positive response from you, and you trembled against his hold. But, soon, a new scent filled your nose, a unique scent that aligned with the painful burning of flesh.
“You see, I don’t like it when things that belong to me don’t do what I want. I especially hate having to share things that are mine. Don’t get cocky, sweet thing, you’re my precious doll, but I don’t give a single shit about you,” Dabi spat against your lips, his mouth speaking against yours, and his eyes staring straight into your eyes.
Or they would have been should you not have been in such trifling, nauseating pain as Dabi’s hand burned against your skin. His quirk sizzled against your skin, creating a perfect brand of his hand on your throat, but the pain was immeasurable, horrifically painful as you wailed against his mouth.
“Let me go, let me go, let me go!” you screamed, your hands fisting and pathetically slamming against Dabi’s shoulders, pleading to be shown mercy.
But Dabi merely looked down at you with sadistic disinterest, relishing in the way the smell of your burning skin wafted into his nose until he let go.
You tried to scream, tried to cry to whatever god may be looking down at you to come and save you, but you found you couldn’t. The burnt, pussing bubbles of infected flesh bubbling on your throat were tight on your sweat-slicked skin, and every small movement made it feel worse.
“There we go!” Dabi grins again, his eyes wild and almost demented as he flips you over so that your naked ass is hanging out in the air, able to be manipulated to his will. The tears in your eyes were still streaming down your face, intermixing with the blood and popped blisters on your skin as Dabi pressed you into a position that would make things easier for him to fuck you in. “I can’t fuck you when your cunt is buried in this box.”
You make a noise, a small noise that sends a powerful wave of nausea through you as Dabi separates your legs and curls his fingers within your slick cunt.
“Glad to see that your little pussy is still wet as fuck,” Dabi groans, his fingers scissoring deep within you, stretching out your hole until you pathetically cries into the mildew scented mattress. Your body pulsated with a different stimulus; the pain in your throat still burned and was feeling itchy. The thud in your wrist hurt to move. But the pleasure of his fingers buried deep in your cunt made your eyes cross and your mouth pant in the overcoming sensation of your pussy being tended to.
“D-Dabi,” you manage to croak out, the tears running down your cheeks, once more intermixing with the thick blood and puss on the burn. Your voice was disgustingly hoarse, sounding akin to someone with smoker's lungs. “P-Please.”
“P-Please what?” Dabi mocked, his hips grinding against your exposed, pert ass. You could feel the hard cock in his pants, the shift in the fabric as he dropped his own pants and underwear to rut his piercing covered cock through your asscheeks. “Don’t think about me fucking your ass, you dirty fucking bitch, I’m not gonna do that weird shit.”
“N-No!” you whimper, your unburnt hand reaching behind you to grab onto the fabric of his coat that he refused to remove. Somehow, the movement made the throbbing flesh on your throat hurt more, and you swallowed the rising bile in your throat, gagging. “D-Dabi, f-fuck!”
“You want something better than my fingers?” he continued to question, uncaring that he knew exactly what you meant by those words. He was too focused on the way your walls were much tighter around his fingers right now, a vice trap that made him both eager and unwilling to shove his cock deep within your womb just yet.
You mewl in frustration, your hips shifting against his intruding fingers, desperate to get the coldness of his pierced cock within you already. The pain was still very much alive, but the pleasurable build in your core was quickly outweighing your mood.
“Oh, I get it,” Dabi sighs, his fingers exiting your throbbing, soaked cunt, both his hands slamming onto your ass, gripping the flesh with all the strength he had. “You want another fucking brand. You want the world to know who you fucking belong to, who fucking owns you until the day you die.”
The words send a panicked throb in your stomach, but before you could protest, before you could make note that this was not something you wanted, his fingers grew hot. Hotter and hotter, they grew until the blue of his flame felt like scorching white heat under your skin. Impossibly unbearable pain and branding scarred into your skin as you’re able to ignore the resulting pain in your throat to scream so loudly, your voice bounces off the alley walls multiple times.
You can’t see what he did, but you can tell that his handprints are scarred to your ass; you can feel the puss-filled blisters rising from the skin as Dabi continues to massage the skin as if it was a bruise and not some second-degree burn. You sobbed into the mattress, your face buried into the ugly fabric, snot, and tears pooling onto the surface until you were choking on your spit and rising bile.
Before you could even adjust to the pain, your mind pounding and reeling with the stinging, melting sensation on your ass, something thick, cold, and pierced rams into your throbbing cunt. Your body lurches forward with the initial thrust, your body, despite the pain, jumping from the shock of Dabi’s cock entering you.
It’s a familiar feeling, a feeling you loved, but you can’t focus on the sense of the many balled piercing gliding against your ruffled walls. The extra stimulus pointedly ignored because the pain in your ass was currently outweighing the pleasure he was giving you. But Dabi doesn't care. Why would he care? You’re his doll, and right now, he’s in heaven. Your cunt was blistering hot against his cock and oh so fucking tight. Dabi knew why he was so obsessed with you, and it started with that tight pussy of yours that could milk him dry without even trying.
Dabi smiled, his hands raising off the branded handprints on your ass that were caked with already horribly forming scabs, blisters, pus, and blood. He felt giddy seeing your ass, covered with trembles and sweat, covered with his handprint. There was no denying you were his, no denying that you were here to serve the League as nothing except his fuck doll. No one would want you now that you had three of his handprints branded on you, and not even he could love someone with as ugly scars on your body.
So, with the stammering, choking cries that poured from your mouth for Dabi to stop because his rutting hips slamming against your newly branded ass was too much, Dabi let his head drop back, flooded with the sense of elation and euphoria.
You were his.
Finally his.
Only his.
“It hurts!” you screamed, your hips shifting in your feeble attempt to escape his barbaric hold. “It hurts, Dabi!”
“If it hurts so much, why the fuck is your cunt so wet?” Dabi mocked, his hips slamming into you with deeper, faster strokes. “Why the fuck are you moving your hips like a desperate whore if it hurts?”
You howl in your pain crossed pleasure, the tears soaking your face, and the mattress seemingly flowing from you without end in sight. Much like the squelching slick in your cunt that grows louder and louder and the Jacob's ladder on his cock pressed further and further into your warm velvet walls.
“Because it hurts!” you screech, your fingers tearing into the mattress, your body spasming from the overload of sensation. Your mind slips through the cracks of consciousness, and the pain begins to override your mind.
“Oi, oi, oi!” Dabi yells, his hand coming down to slap the blistering brand on your ass, completely waking you back up. “Don’t you dare knock out on me, doll. I might call you a doll, but I don’t want you to be some fucking dumbass ragdoll when you’re on my cock!”
“I’m sorry,” you mumble, your eyes crossing and your vision spinning with the onslaught of sharp, stinging pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Mm,” Dabi hums, clearly pleased with your apology. “Seems like after so long, you’ve finally accepted your useless, pathetic, quirkless ass can’t do shit.”
So, his hands shift from your ass and move onto your hips, enjoying the way your skin is so soft, so easily bruisable beneath his hold. Your body seems to block out the pain he brings to your body and only accept the lulling pleasure of it all. The noises of his drilling cock into your sobbing cunt is loud, the sopping noises loud and soft in both your ears. Dabi has half a mind to wonder if anyone would walk by the alleyway, hear your desperate, pathetic noises and call the cops.
He smiles lazily as his cock brushes against the wall of your cervix. Would he kill you in front of them all and then them? Maybe he would make you beg for his cock more in front of the officers and kill them all should they be aroused. He laughed as his cock slammed into your cervix, the squealing pleasure ripping from your throat at the feeling, and Dabi felt light.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
How pathetic would that be?! Heroes getting aroused as he fucked such a poor girl in front of them! Of course, they’d have to be killed because that would be immoral of them, and not to mention that once anyone got a lustful eye on, you deserved to die.
You were his.
Only his.
“Who does this pussy belong to?!” Dabi snaps, his hand grabbing your hair by the roots. “Who?”
“Dabi!” you laugh giddily, your face still streaming with tears, your lips bloody and bitten raw. “Dabi! Dabi! Dabi!”
Dabi growls in his satisfying pleasure, his hand throwing your head back onto the mattress, and his hands press onto your shoulders as he begins to thrust faster, harder, more power into your clenching tight cunt. His fingers tear into your skin, breaking the skin and watching the ruby red liquid ooze from your skin.
That causes you to scream, your face twisted in slight pain, but Dabi presses onward.
He has one last thing to do.
“Such a good fuck doll, don’t you think you deserve to be rewarded for being such a good fuck? For having such a sweet, tight pussy?” Dabi asks, his teeth biting against the nape of your neck as he continued to fuck you until fluids were beginning to seep from your cunt. “I’m going to make sure that everyone in the fucking world knows you belong to me, that you are my precious fucking doll and no one else's, okay?”
You keen loudly, your body shivering underneath his, and your head nodding, your tongue unable to produce any more words.
Dabi raised his finger, the tip blazing with a small, concentrated blue flame, and he makes contact with the skin on your back.
Dabi
Dabi
Dabi
Dabi
His name is written repetitively on your back. The layers of skin on your back wholly burned off so that the twitching pink of your skin muscles are shown. No blood comes from there.
Dabi laughs, delighted with how fucking perfect you look with his name on your back, and you seemed to have flipped out of your broken mindset and shoved back into the horrors of the pain your body was experiencing. You gagged loudly, screaming and twitching with immense pain, but Dabi continues.
“You don’t mean shit to me, though, doll; I hope you know that!” Dabi snickers, his cock throbbing when he felt the familiar milking sensation of your cunt as you finally came around him. He continued to ram his cock into you, savagely uncaring of how you begged from him to stop, pathetically asked for him to heed. “You’re nothing more than my cumslut, nothing more than some stupid sex doll for me to use. And now you’re completely ruined! No one will want you with my brand all over you! No one will, and I sure as hell don’t want you forever!”
Your body stills under him, not quite limp as though you might pass out, but cold, frozen.
Dabi doesn’t care; he never has as he countries to hammer his cock within you, his tongue sweeping over his front teeth before spitting onto his branded name on your skin. You flinch greatly at the burning sensation, your eyes trying not to close with unconsciousness as ropes of his cum and seed spill into your cunt.
You lay there, unable to move, as Dabi stands up, quickly dressing and leaving you with a mere chuckle.
You were ruined forever, you suddenly realized as we make our way back to the beginning scene.
Cold, used, quirkless.
You had no purpose in life except to be Dabi’s whore, and even he didn’t want you.
The darkness consumed you in the worst of ways right then.
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Putting this under the cut it's not bad just me thinking about brain stuff
I do consider myself neurodivergent (specifically autistic but I don't feel comfortable with that yet) but sometimes I feel I should get an actual test (evaluation? Whatever) done because all my life like not even exaggerating I've exhibited some form of autistic behavior but it's ignored because it's considered 1) me being "childish" 2) been repressed so hard due to toxic household and friends (just overall bad environment) or 3) straight up ignored because I'm just being hashtag quirky.
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Like I'm nearly an adult and finally connecting the pieces but also I feel. Weird? Like obviously I have it, I've been affected by it all my life, but because it's so late and nobody has been. Concerned? Idk let's just say that because of that I don't see a point to it. Like what would be the benefits to getting an official diagnosis.
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It took these medical hoes till freshman year of college when I tried to kill myself to be like ummm ok maybe you do have depression ahah whoops ❤️ and even after that I went to therapy and my therapists have been so adamant that I'm only experiencing depression because "you can only get diagnosed with other disorders at 18+"
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It's just. Yes I've been called slurs and slow and got punished for jumping/stimming or talking too loud or not talking at all. But because I was considered "smart" at a young age and that's when parents recognize autism (even though. My parents never even bothered they wanted a "normal" kid so just get reshape the child into your perfect mold of a kid) the more negative signs as I got older were just me being bad. Idk what to do
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I claim neurodivergence from my psychosis (hell I don't even know if the psychosis is from depression or if I'm schizophrenic or something else idk the disorders I'm not a doctor) but. I know it's more but idk if I can call myself truly autistic. And doctors are just too much effort and too many complications can occur.
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Thats the reason why I kinda took off my mental issues off my carrd (also it's nobody's Business) it's just. Really complicated. But also I feel like I'm being a traitor or something because lol of course. Whatever 60% of this uneasiness is in fear of other people saying I'm not really this or that or whatever so let's mind our business and accept everyone experiences things differently because we all love different lives y'all. Let's go outside
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Warning: Rant, character bashing, lots of opinions
I'm saying it outright. I hate Deku. He is entirely underwhelming as a character, much less as the main character, the shonen protagonist of the series.
It's a 'different' type of dislike, though. I feel like I could've like his character. There's nothing greatly disagreeable about him, he's as inoffensive as can be, he's an optimistic, considerate, and polite boy, he's as plain as he is said to be, and that's fine.
My issue is that he's not the character he's said to be. I, personally, just don't buy that he "possesses a drive to save others that eclipses all common understanding", or that he's super intelligent with great analytical abilities that he actually applies on the battlefield, or, in general, he's as amazing or heroic or compassionate as he's apparently supposed to be. How can he be inspiring if he barely challenges any aspects of the society he lives in. Deku is a super good example of the terrible use of "Tell, Don't Show". We're told about his amazing traits, but he rarely follows through; when we do see hints of it, it's lauded but frankly I think it's typical behavior and (this though is not quite his fault) written so stiffly and awkwardly I'm not convinced.
(Honestly I might even call him a Canon Mary Sue. He has no interesting or distinguishable flaws, unless having a shit for brains attitude is one but that's not acknowledged by the narrative. Breaking bones is not a personality trait. If he has a Hero Complex, it's not even the interesting ones where he fucks things up even more; or carries crippling guilt about circumstances beyond his control; or focuses completely on saving people to the point of rejecting almost all human connections and keeping deadly secrets - which is All Might's big flaw.) (Well fair, he does this in the most recent chapter but did it need to take 300+ chapters? Plus I sense the way it's framed is that it's the radical, but right course of action.)
Say what you want about Villains and redemption/shouldn't be redeemed/too evil to be saved/justice/etc, but I think this 'Incredible Drive To Save' should've included Villains from the start. Why does Deku want to "Save people with a smile on his face"? Assuming it's empathy, he should have felt some towards everyone he encounters, whether it's sensible or not. "Why are you so angry?", "You shouldn't go about things this way", "What caused them to be like this?", "Why is there evil in the world?" even. I'm still fuming over his Mall Encounter with Shigaraki, where Shigaraki pretty much reveals his damage: "All Might acts like there's no one he can't save"; but ultimately Deku goes "Wow, that sure is an opinion."
What kind of inane response is this??? There's little pushback from the narrative either, so this isn't pointed out as a failing of his (because, again, he has no big flaws). And he's supposed to be smart and caring. Yes, he does ask All Might right after the Mall Encounter, "Was there anyone you can't save?"; but essentially the replies he gets is "Don't worry about it" and Deku immediately largely puts it out of his mind "Oh whew, I was about to do some introspection and reflection". There isn't even the daunting, kinda-existential anxiety that people get when they realize it's impossible to save/help everyone - which is something, like, medical workers have to learn to deal with - that sharp sense of the inevitably of death, of loss, failure, guilt. I'm not asking for him to come to the conclusion that everyone should be saved - he could've decided nah, Shigaraki is too ugly to be saved and I would've been fine with that, it's part of the character role and potential development - just that he should've had a conclusion at all.
There are the latest chapters where Deku decides he wants to try saving Shigaraki first (though killing him is still on the table), true. Him wanting to save Shigaraki after seeing AFO merged with him, after seeing The Crying Child - but see, I don't think it qualifies because I think it's the bare minimum about of consideration, the typical response to seeing the body horror of warped, fused flesh, to seeing a small sad little boy. I think it shouldn't require "You look like you needed saving" for a true Hero to consider saving someone. Not for someone who is supposed to be unique and special in this regard.
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I've complained about this before, but the trouble with Deku was evident from the very beginning.
Again, Deku wants to save people with a smile on his face, and again, I’m assuming it’s empathy. We're shown this on the very first page, as he attempts to protect a friend(?) from bullies, but imo like it felt groundless because who was the kid he was protecting? We never see him again. Did Deku's standing up to Bakugou work, and the kid was saved? Or did they both got beaten up; but afterwards, being the kind boy Deku is supposed to be, he still gets to his feet to help the boy, to apologize for failing.
But more significantly, this theme of saving was overshadowed immediately by his focus on superpowers - that he was quirkless. Next page, his focus was on ‘Woah, giant villain and superpowers!’ Instead of like. Helping people. (Though I chalk this up to early installment weirdness)
What should’ve happened if the theme was ‘SAVE PEOPLE’ Is something like: The opening sentence being “People are not born equal. This is the harsh truth I learned when I was four. I knew that... but despite my powerless, I still wanted to help. That was my first and last setback.” And the panels/images themselves (of little Katsuki and his friends) implies that people on the world thinks you need power to help people.
When he saw the villain attack on way to school, Deku can be wow’ed by the spectacle! But then he notices a kid crying and offers to help find his mom. He can be interrupted by a Hero saying he (the hero) will take over, he can find the mom and realize he’s late for school (and so that shows he’s willing to sacrifice something of his to help others! Because of his altruistic nature!). A scene like that, of him helping the lost kid, we would know that he wants to help *anyone*. At school, though, he still gets bullied for not having powers. So he’s mulling over that when he meets All Might, and asks the question.
It proceeds as usual for the next few events: When the sludge monster attacks Katsuki, he can still go gawk at the scene. He can still hesitate. In canon, it's only when he realized the victim was his friend that he jumps into action, which I thinks undermines the theme of 'wanting to save indiscriminately'. IMO, it would've been better that Deku sees it’s his friend, but he still hesitates. “There’s nothing I can do right? All Might himself said so...” But when he sees Katsuki’s *face* of fear, he runs to help. Instead of seeming like he helps only because he realizes it’s his friend, he helps because he feels too deeply about trying to save Katsuki.
Admittedly these are minor, personal critiques; but all in all, the first chapter fails to establish Deku is the willpowered, champion of wanting to save people he's supposed to be.
--Which is fine, if it's acknowledged in the story later, that maybe he wasn't the True Blue Hero he's supposed to be at first, but he can change and still become one. But it's not - Deku is apparently special, without anything special to show for it.
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I read the one-shot "My Hero" - the prototype for this series - that Horikoshi published years ago, before My Hero Academia was created. I also found it underwhelming, but that was due to personal tastes (I wanted more explosions and dumb violence); as a story on it's own merit, the logic and progression was solid.
The Villains Heroes fought were 'Aberrations' - true inhuman monsters that showed no sentience that would eat people - so the focus could be solely on saving humans. The main character - Jack Midoriya - his original goal was less 'save people' and more 'become a cool hero', before learning that saving people is what true heroism is about, hero license unneeded. (Moreover, he really did 'save' someone without being a hero - by working hard, he was preventing the company from becoming ruined completely, which the CEO had confessed and thanked him for. )
This version of Midoriya didn't exactly needed deep empathy or compassion for that, just a strong willpower, which he effectively demonstrated by chasing after a childhood dream even as an adult salaryman in a tanking company, even though he had anemia and no training and no license. He insisted on this, to the point of getting hurt by being dumb, of being petty over someone dissing the Hero who inspired him in the first place, of skipping out of work and going vigilante. Not the most upstanding guy, but he came through in the relevant themes of the story, in being the character the story needed him to be.
Jack Midoriya was an unimpressive, weird-looking, weak, pitiful, somewhat selfish, awkward salaryman with no great aspects that 'eclipses all common understanding'. But he was a far stronger character than his incarnation Izuku Midoriya could ever be (so far).
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