#like i said though i cant do much about it
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Hi, happy to see you back❤. I remember in one of your previous works, you mentioned Mammon possibly would babytrap reader. May you please write something on this topic?
♡ Toxic!Mammon: Babytrapping Hcs ♡
Note: Ty! Also she is referring to this post. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REQUESTS!!! KEEP THEM COMING POOKIES! ALSO IK I HAVENT MADE AN ACTUAL POST IN A WHILE SO HERE YALL GO
Female!reader, AFAB
Warnings: NSFW, toxic themes, creampie, future child, exploiting
He will babytrap you, 100%
As I have said before, Mammon likes the idea of having complete control over you, your life, and everything you do. And what better of a way to do that than making you bear his child?
He gets this magical, invasive idea when talking to one of his work buddies. He was talking about how annoying you were, even though he cannot live without you, when his co-worker mentions how much responsibility and care a woman has for her children. And the idea hits him. If you are just going to sit around lazily all day like a spoiled brat, why not add a child into the mix?
So he will have you prowled up against his chest, his cock basically stuffing you full, as he pistons in and out of your already sore pussy. Seemingly out of nowhere, telling you
"You'd be such a good mother, wouldn't you babe."
"'Wanna see you swoll with my kids, wouldn't that be somethin'-"
Which makes you feel physically ill. Raising a child with Mamm would be basically impossible. You would never raise a child with this man. Would he support you? Would he genuinley care for your baby? Oh Satan, would he even care-
Your thoughts are abrupted as Mammon stuffs you with his seed, finishing inside yours walls and painting them with a loud groan. He gives your ass a harsh slap, as he watches his cum spilling out of you. He looks you in the eyes, and gives you a daunty chuckle. He forces you to look up at him with your tired, exhausted eyes, as he tells you ohoho babe, we aren't finished until i'm done, alright?.
And he keeps that promise, with the goal of getting you pregnant. He knows the public would go feral. The King of Greed? With a child? It gives him a publicity boost, which in turn, is good for his business, and his image.
Once you find out you are pregnant, you have to eventually tell Mammon, to your dismay. Every day, he makes you take an on brand pregnancy test as he watches. He will hold the test while you pee. Yes you heard me right. So when the test says positive one day, he is over the moon. Not at the fact that he is going to be a father, but at the fact that he is now in complete control over you, and that he can use another part of you as a pawn in his twisted fantasy.
The paparazzi have a field day over this news, because he ends up almost immediately making an announcement. There are headlines, candid photos of you going forcefully outside by mammon, etc. Its like a never ending nightmare. And dont be mistaken, he would never let you out of his sights, or get an abortion. He thinks this is too good of an opportunity.
Behind closed doors, he will actually treat you very well. Feeding you, paying attention to your every need, and not letting you lift a finger. He may even go out of his way to find some stuff by himself at the store. He'll will make you go outside with him. But at times he has to do a meeting, or host an event, he will have his goons escort you places, making sure you go public routes, to get a really good look at your swollen belly.
Brings you to meetings during this time, and picking your outfits carefully. He cant have his darling wearing any disgusting maternity clothes. So he will have you perches on his lap while he sits in his seat, embarrassment eating you whole as you see the sins/overlords snickering and bickering presumably at you. He has one hand rubbing your round belly, and one hand rubbing your shoulders as Mammon discusses his newest buisness plan.
He would create a Mammon Baby Care line. He knows he will profit off your pregnancy
"Alright fellas, so i was thinking for the ladys, a Mammon breast pump, hm? Its great right? Oh! And Mammon themed bibs, ha! Sure to make me a bunch, right babes?"
People think, how could you let Mammon knock you up? Of course, millions of girls idolize Mammon, and would want to be with him. But sometimes it feels like you are the only one who is infatuated with him. So you will try to look past the fact that he got you pregnant. You'll just try to be hopeful. But it is literally impossible with the way he keeps sweet talking you, as you snap back into the sad reality that you will be having Mammons child, and raising it. No questions to be asked.
He will lead you to subconsciously feel insecure about you and your body. He will squeeze your newly chubby cheeks, glaze his fingers over your stretch marks newly littering your body, etc. And he definitely does that on purpose.
As you reach up to the half full Nutella jar in the high cabinet in the kitchen, you hear a pair of loud footsteps coming behind you. Its Mammon. You try your best to ignore him, but you cant help but feel uneasy when you feel a pair of familiar eyes on you. It is currently 1:30 AM, and he is in a really tired mood.
"You need help sweets?"
He said with a suckle voice, knowing its affects on you are vast. He looks you up and down, admiring your perfect body in his mind. Your curves, belly, and the look your giving him. It makes him want to just bend you over and fuck your brains out likes theres no tomorrow. But he cant, he just has to be extra agile with you.
"Mamm..."
"Yeah?"
"Do I look fat?"
Ohhh boy. The question you always ask when you feel like he's eyeing you up. he hates when you ask that, because then he has to make up some half assed excuse to why he's looking at you a certain way. When your pregnant, he basically has to walk on eggshells around you.
"You... look like your carrying my child, and I like the sight of that."
"Okay, do you love me?"
He pauses. One wrong answer, and you'll refuse to talk to him for weeks. You two, as of your relationship, are in a really good spot right now. You will basically do anything for him. But you are really sensitive emotionally and physically, due to your hormones.
As he walks up behind you, he lifts you up by your waist, and hold you up to the cabinet, letting you reach.
"Y/N."
He says in a low, gruff voice.
"Yeah Mamm?"
"What the hell kind of question is that. Of course I love you."
He says as you look at him, face to face. You watch his eyes never leave yours, which makes you break off eye contact in a flustered state. You then realize that he is holding you, which makes you feel insecure.
"Okay, I love you too Mamm"
"Alright, now get your sweet treat, and get the fuck to bed, and hurry up. We've got a busy day tomorrow sweets."
He sets you down, and leaves the kitchen, leaving you with yourself, your Nutella and a spoon in hand. You look down at yourself, and your huge stomach. You wonder how you got yourself into this twisted predicament. You mostly worry about your baby's future as Mammons child. Because you are aware that Mammon will only use them for his own monetary gain. You cannot escape this man, even if you try. But you can always pretend you have your own free will, and you could always just eat your silly thoughts away, as Mammon always told you.
#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#mammon x reader#mammon x reader hb#hb mammon x reader#mammon x y/n#mammon#adam x reader#mammon hb#alastor x reader#mammon x you#helluva#hb#hb x reader#helluva boss x reader#helluva boss hcs#mammon x you hb#mammon headcannons#mammon sin#mammon smut#mammon fluff helluva
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i don’t get the whole rap battle between Kendrick & drake because, obviously kendrick’s the better one here but he apparently knew all this shit about drake being a pedophille and groomer the WHOLE TIME and then only spoke up in order to win a fight, and kendrick had Kodak Black on his last album, who was charged and plead guilty for sexual battery in 2016 for raping a teenage girl and also got in hot water for child neglect. same kinda shit as drake. idk, no matter how good his bars are and how good he pretends he is, kendrick still just seems like a typical man who protects and supports predators when they’re his friends and calls women bitches while he’s at it
yeah. context to those who dont know kodak black was convicted of rape in 2016 (6 years before mr morale dropped) and has a history of violence
i really cant argue against that, but i believe he wasn't added to the album as an endorsement of what he did. Mr. Morale is an album about personal growth, and about Kendrick himself. Kodak said himself that him and kendrick are very similar in a lot of small ways.
while kendrick's never said why kodak was added to the album, many believe it's the contrast of despite the fact they're similar, kodak has a history of violence and has went to jail many times, highlighting how even though kendrick is successful, others like him are still struggling with systemic racism and the cycle of violence and crime pushed by that same system.
The line as well "like it when they pro black, but I’m more Kodak Black" is literally telling the viewers he's not a Savior or a Mr. Morale, he's closer to a Big Stepper who makes awful mistakes
i can't say it was a good idea to include a rapist on an album, that does deserve criticism. but i believe it wasn't him supporting rapists, it more read as "there's growth and change both individuals and the entire system needs to do"
I'd definitely say i didn't explain this part enough because i didnt know too much about kodak black so i'd really appreciate others chiming in.
as for the "people have known about drake being a groomer the whole time" yeah. people have. he's gotten away with it until now. and it's a good thing that a well respected and incredibly famous person is bringing light to it.
kendrick had fuck all to do with drake since poetic justice so he didnt say shit about him. a lot of the industry kinda hated drake the whole time, and have been speaking out against him. kendrick's just the second (shout out megan thee stallion) to make it into a popular catchy song, which is a good thing as well because it gets more people talking about it!!!
Drake was the one who made Push Ups and Taylor Made and constantly went online to told him to make a response track. like the feud would have been over at Like That but it was Drake constantly provoking him to make content. Straight up doing things that kendrick said "hey if you do this i'm going to retaliate" and then drake did it, and kendrick retaliated exactly like he said he was. This whole thing is Drake's fault, he's the one constantly pushing it.
I can't say kendrick isnt also pushing it now, but everything's pointing to he's just making more songs to bring more people to talk about it. There's no ads on the videos. He's not copyright claiming anything. He's making serious songs to highlight issues and catchy songs to spread this info far. it's a genius use of the medium to bring light to the issues drake brings.
which is what kendrick is fucking known for. using music to bring light to the issues the world face
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this girl gets mistaken for being either sanzu or mucho's gf and i cant decide which is funnier. both even. the rest of the gang sees sanzu chauffeuring mucho and this random girl around and rightly assume this is mucho's girlfriend hes trying to impress. the rumor mill only gets to chew on it for a couple days before mucho hears and clarifies shes not. everyone believes him because its mucho he doesnt bullshit like that. many questions are asked namely "then why is sanzu driving you and her around?" and mucho just says he was stalking her for a while, when i asked him about it he said he didnt like her he was watching her because he was suspicious for a real dumb reason so i told him to apologize and he did that by borrowing my car an giving her a ride when it rained. he really only had to do it 1 time and idk why hes still doing it but after a few times i just asked him to drive me around too. and then everyone decides ah obviously sanzu likes her and is being a dumbass about it. when sanzu tries to clear this up nobody believes him and everyone starts dropping unwanted romance advice. i cant decide whether tenjiku or toman would be funnier but you know izana and shion would suggest something unhinged. chifuyu would start reading shojo manga aloud to him to give him ideas and baji occasionally follows to relay love advice he asked his mom for on haru's behalf. i need to stop here before this gets too long but you know theyd all be funny
Lmao I'm just imagining them all hearing that response from Mucho and immediately assuming that Sanzu lied about the whole thing to him because that sounds so much more far fetched then Sanzu having a crush. This happening in the good timeline though so that way both toman and tenjiku (all toman) can get involved, plus Senju who won't stop dropping hints that she wants a sister and asking Sanzu when he's gonna marry her. Mikey definitely tells Sanzu to just give her a taiyaki, the Haitani brother's try to change his clothes for a "better look", Koko overhears and is like "have you tried cash for the future?" then refuses to elaborate, Hanma suggests something crazy, even Shinichiro gets involved and gives him some really corny pick up lines. By the end Sanzu thinks about just asking her out to get them to stop going on about it to him.
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OKAY I DID SOME OF MY HOMEWORK
#said in a proud voice while im posing with my hands on my hips#i think im making this presentation WAY too ling and ehen im done im gonna have to cut it down probably#i have 560 words and im maybe halfway idk yet#its supposed to last ten minutes 10 MINUTES#my text is gonna be probably a thousand words if im being honest#thats my estimate but idk though#i still havent written about the prt i was gonna go into more detail about😭 like bro theres so much stuff#and i want to include it all but i probably cant#i wish it was a text instead then i could have everything and more#im gonna do more later
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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that
if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it
#snap chats#no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game#oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k#OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think#my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious#rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final#HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE#i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that#i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki#someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it#like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but#i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital#the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe#cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3#its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think#it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little#and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly#idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me#THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED#i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell#is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form#i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments#BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow#im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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happy almost birthday :o)
:) thank you!!! there's gonna be a bounce castle at my birthday party and every body is invited
#ask#catboygirljoker#ough.... the passage of time marches on.#on that tuesday i will be 25. fucked up.#i dont really do much for my birthdays honestly. besides my mom taking me out to a restaraunt to eat.#on the day of i just get a good pizza and thats enough for me#a friend did recently offer to get me a desktop computer. and the tower has been here since thursday.#im currently waiting on the monitor. which should arrive in a few days.#im. really bad at accepting gifts. that said. even after having accepted this one im still experiencing grief#the computers an older model. but it runs on windows 10.#im. internally scared to think about what it can and cant run. i even dread thinking about even finding out.#like. ohhhh how id love to play animal crossing city folk again... or even minecraft...#but im doing. my best. to keep my expectations low.#i really hope it runs emulators (gamcube/wii/ps2 era ones) well. i need to play dbz budokai again i need to look at zarbons model again#the monitor is 1080p. which i dont think ive ever had a monitor that high res.#ik that TF2 probably wont run the best. but i hope sourcemods run fine.#ill have to do so much re-installing of things....... ogh.....#it doesnt have a wifi chip so i think temporarily ill have to use a usb to connect to the internet.#which i can live with. ik theyre not as powerful but its fine. maybe at some point ill get a wifi card.#though. i dread the thought <- had internal ptsd thinking about touching anything within a computer again#tldr. had a good laptop. screen went dark one day. was told it was probably the cmos battery.#tried to do repairs myself. ooggh..... the horrible memories....#ik adding a wifi chip is incredibly easy. but that doesnt mean im not scared#anyway :) thank you for the soon birthday wishes
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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eat the [redacted] anime pen, kaito-kun
#in o t h e r n e w s i brought all of my plain pens to work and now this is the only pen i’m willing to use bc i accidentally bought 2–#like heck im gonna let my family see it though what if they misunderstand and think that i like the [redacted] anime???? no wayyyyyy#the pen writes pretty decently though ngl. but again im not bringing it to work bc my coworkers would def question it/steal it#plus it’s a black ink pen and i prefer using blue inks bc it’s easier to differentiate from the bw printer ink lmaoooo—#special thanks to my bro’s gf for the pen holder though~~~~~~~~~#but i cant believe my bro remembered my rxl phase from like 2k14 bro erase it from your memory p l s i dont even ship them that much anymore#idk how much he remembered of it but. the way he said ‘the yellow one is your favourite right’ was very. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#i haven’t even talked about them in y e a r s man… ig the list of uncorrected misunderstandings between us will keep on growing#g od. now that i think about it. he’ll prolly assume that aizo and len are the same person if i showed him pics of them at the same time..#like heck im gonna do that. i have a nonexistent reputation to uphold g o o d b y e
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Im really tempted to follow the therian tag on youtube just so I can comment on these poor kids's videos something kind and let them know that if they arent hurting anybody they can do whatever they want forever
#do I. fully understand it?#not at all#but the amount of outright hate these poor kids get#so i think they should be making youtube shirts or tiktoks when it looks like theyre like 11 or 12? also no#but they need support to some degree#they need to hear that some people dont understand but dont hate either#because these kids are just having fun and expressing themselves#its honestly pretty relateable in an odd way#like as a neurodivergent kid i did all sorts of “weird” or “cringe” things that i WISH somebody saw and just went#i dont really get what this is#but im glad youre happy!#it would have literally helped me avoid so much pain and depression#the amount of small kids? critters? idk how they like to be reffered to#like i said i dont really understand it#who have pinned my comments or done the youtube love thing?#because they only have like 10 comments but theyre 90% outright hate and bullying?#i think people on the internet should relearn that if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all#plus i get to reccomend these critters/kids look at maia arson crimew!#i get to let them know that even though im not a therian there are big important powerful people out there like maia who are!#who have a whole group of people who admire and support them!#anyway the tldr of this is i may have adopted a community of weird youtube kids even though i dont really understand their interest#and i feel like the old grandpa you run imto at the library about it if that makes sense
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fun to realize the reason i get so insecure about other people doing ~my ideas~ first for fanworks is that all i am is ideas. yeah two cakes theory but point is if someone else does that particular thing first it will be better than mine, even if mine would have its own uniqueness to it, so all i can really walk away with is "i did it first" in the inevitable case of comparison. without that there's nothing jsl;dfljsdf.
and while you can't prevent that from happening in FANDOM of all places that is why i like to keep my ideas to myself when possible. if someone comes up with that same idea on their own fine, but if they get that idea from me running my mouth about my wips and they do their version first (which is like! still allowed even if there are levels of courtesy for how you go about it) i will be mad at myself for stripping myself of my own ability to then continue my own due to knowing my own issues and obstacles with it, because i still don't know how to play nice and it is on me to deal with that.
i say all this knowing fandom is supposed to be fun btw.
#txt#i think while i do worry about plagiarism accusations bc fandom is fucking crazy#i tend to also mask these concerns with that lmao#bc it feels less self centered and insecure to say 'i just dont want to be mobbed :(' than#basically sounding like a five year old whining that someone else brought the same toy to the park as them#but because i AM okay with it in the sense of people saying im where they got that idea from or connecting me to it in some way#(or obvs like... someone gifting me a work based on things ive talked about! also rad! or even just asking first etc!)#that's why talking so much about plagiarism also works lol#like just give me Something to have that ties me to it that lets me pretend i have good contributions to a particular space#ultimately it's my own bullshit to get over bc i feel like i need to justify my place in a fandom by filling a niche or contributing#Something unique if it can't be Good etc etc but that's also kind of dumb bc it's not that serious or at least it shouldnt be#i just cant rly contribute much in terms of community events or quality works etc but i do have good ideas!#and i am trying to let go of everything i just said even though i am still clinging to it by my nails#again i know fandom should be fun and i rly need to just do more with original works at this point but likeee....#we r here .#also im not trying 2 fish for complimence just objectively#i value all the skills ive learned due to fandom inspiration#but bc i am split cross quite a few and i have certain health issues that#limit how much i can practice or learn etc#other ppl are inevitably going to be better than me in their area of focus!#and i want to be more okay with that
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weird that the shape of love is two beating hearts glued together and not two hands holding each other
#well technically it comes from the shape of two hearts sewn together but i dont know how that translates to romance.. literally its kinda#disturbing but symbolically i guess it is kind of sweet#my friend and i were talking and she said something about someone saying a lover cant just be a friend you can kiss but i think i disagree#i kind of think the point of a lover IS a friend you can kiss because like it must get exhausting having to convince yourself you can only#feel romantic things towards your lover right? i mean i dont know if my feelings are shaped like anyone else's so maybe its more of a case#by case basis. for me id like someone whose hand i can hold and i can make pancakes for them and maybe kiss but like not strictly romantic#and not strictly platonic. and my feelings are all over the place because one day ill be really into someone i like and another day ill be#really chill about it. so its hard to say what i feel for someone if its always changing#maybe thats why i think lovers should be friends you can kiss because its coming from my way of feeling? hmmm#like i want to be able to say i love you and mean it romantically one day and then say love you in a platonic way the next day and itd be#ok?? does that make sense??? like i know its the same phrase but its like the feeling i put with it is different each time. idk#its why i find dating someone hard because its constantly going up and down and its never balanced. itd probably really confusing unless i#were to date someone whose feelings works the same way. just some food for thought i guess but then again every relationship needs work#im not sure if that fits into the category of work though.. i cant tell myself what im going to feel#it just happens and theres not much i can really do about it except tell that person what im feeling. hnnnnnhhgh#maybe its better if i just stick to watching fictional couples work it out lmao#yapping#txt
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are there any other historical figures you like I'm intrigued 👀
Okay buckle in, somehow this post will be weirder than any of my f1 stuff bcs for some reason I'm very intense about historical figures, I think I just have a tendency to treat them like blorbos
Mostly I'm endeared to powerful figures, idk why, it's the way it is. Okay so obviously you already know I like Napoleon(and Wellington to an extent), that really doesn't need to be emphasized anymore
Since being in Austria, I feel super endeared to Maria Theresa. She just seemed like such a boss! I think she's just really cool. Her father changed the plan of succession so she'd become Empress(rather than her cousins), but immediately upon taking power, she was immediately embroiled in war over her being the new ruler(everyone who had signed the treaty of succession suddeny reversed) But she defended her rule of the Habsburg monarchy! I think the coolest part about her is that her husband, who married into the Habsburgs, was supposed to be in charge, but she wouldn't let him be involved at all practically and was the de facto ruler of the Holy Roman Empire for like 20 years. She had 16 children and was basically constantly pregnant and having kids while involved in war, yet still held power and guided Austro-Hungary through it all 🥹 I think it's very funny also that she was laying out so many reforms, guiding the country basically just herself, and still found time to write letters to all their kids and be an overbearing mother. Also she was Marie Antoinette's mother?? I'm still shocked by how many important kids she had. If you've been to any part of the former Austro-Hungarian(+ Bohemian) Empire, she really left her mark, there's soooo much stuff named after her. The statue of her in between the Kunsthistorisches and the Natural History Museum in Vienna is really cool, and that she has a whole Platz named after her with her giant statue!!! I think it's just really admirable that a woman at that period of time had so much power and ruled so efficiently. (MY god sorry I wrote so much)
Okay now I'll try to refrain from the historical rambles, I also like: Julius Caeser(cliche sorry I know), Dmitri Shostakovich(my favorite composer ever), Pyotr Tchaikovsky(pls read about his sugar mommy patron), Erwin Rommel(I like his nickname: The Desert Fox), J.C. Leyendecker(favorite artist, I am obsessed with his work), Alphonse Mucha, Calvin Coolidge(not the best president by far but the anecdotes about his social awkwardness and quietness are hilarious to me), Ernst Gideon von Laudon(not completely insane about him, but it's like with the Napoleon Crossing the Alps painting, I saw a painting and bust of him and now feel weirdly endeared.) And then there's probably some others I can't recall atm because it's 3 am
I think my top three though are Napoleon, Julius Caesar and Maria Theresa. They're all just very: "Catie saw a painting/statue and is now very weird about it." And then being in the vicinity of so much history made it 1000x worse. Things I saw in Vienna that made me go "oh my god it's blorbo from my history book": Napoleon Crossing The Alps painting(I seriously sat in that room for probably 20 mins just staring at it, I didn't want to leave) + some other various Napoleon artifacts in the Heeresgesichtliche, a very nice bust of Julius Caesar, and literally the entirety of Vienna had Maria Theresa everywhere
#i said before but i do think its funny to have historical blorbos bcs it makes people go 'what is wrong with you'#all my friends on that trip soon learned my napoleon obsession once we stepped in that museum....#you guys are learning too much about my psyche between this and the OC posts#you thought I was unhinged only about F1? dont worry. it gets worse.#i just like reading and then holding info i guess so i can go on random rants#and history is the best to read about!!#mostly though im incapable of being normal about anything i have to be unhinged about it#but gahhhhhh im having actually a lot a lot of fun with all the napoleon stuff lately#thank you guys for encouraging me <3#for some reason that era imprinted on my brain and its always there and i cant escape#so being able to use it and indulge in it is so much fun#also i found this random person's blog and they are way more knowledgeable abt Napoleon than me#i was having so much fun reading through their blog and learning!!!!#anyways yes here pls take my rambling this one is especially bad#why did you have to ask 😭 you dont know what you unleashed in me 😭😭😭#* gotta add#the napoleon thing is sooooooo bad#like ill see a tiny ref to him and ill get all 😍 about it#like i think one time in Russian we were reading names of historical figures in cyrillic#and i saw napoleon and i like had such a 'gasping maiden' moment#WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHY DID MY BRAIN DO THIS TO ME#i dont get it either so dont question it JDKFLGLG#i mentioned but someone asked me 'so why do you like napoleon so much' and im just ?????? i dont choose what i brainrot over.#catie.asks.#catie.rambling.txt#sorry its late and i feel deranged#no FPs for me! too busy and too tired
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Mutual on Twitter was talking about Daigo instinctively feeling the need to put the pieces of Mine's ruined life back together and make him feel at ease... Is That Not The Appeal Of AraSawa As Well... like they might not know the depth of what their lives were like before in full but surely there are some details safe to share and there's very little that wouldn't sound bleak... but it's also a MineDai But To The Left sort of moment because Mine has always felt he deserves basic human decency, even if he has to earn it, but that's never been the case for Jo... [SORRY I'LL GET TO PENDING RESPONSES I'VE JUST BEEN LOST IN THE SAUCE for better or worse it feels wrong not to write in every day at this point 😭😭😭]
i remember telling my twitter mutual that arasawa was minedai but with dads and the way a light bulb seemed to go off for her was just perfect LMAO
but on the real arasawa IS a lot like minedai when it comes to some themes, and moreover they still maintain their individuality (aside from the dad aspect LMAO) in the parties involved, ESPECIALLY mine and jo
it's weird to explain, but daigo, in a sense, was an 'end goal' for mine. maybe not in THAT way, but just having his comradery was a sample of the thing he'd been striving for his whole life. ergo, mine joins the yakuza specifically due to interest in daigo, and decides to stay and commit himself to it because of daigo- and as you said, mine understands his worth and wants his efforts to be reciprocated. the problem is that he's not exactly sociable..
inversely, arakawa was, on the contrary, an accident for jo: sure, he swore up in order to be closer to his son. but now By The Fate Of The Cruel Universe jo's found himself becoming attached to arakawa too, whether he wholly admits it or not. A Cruel Fate not only in that jo undoubtedly doesn't believe he'd be deserving of something special with arakawa, but that he also shouldn't pursue something special with arakawa considering their positions in the clan (also masato would probably throw a fit and he can't be upsetting his baby boy </3)
BUT THIS IS THE SIMILARITY OF DAIGO AND ARAKAWA RIGHT so often comparing mine and jo, i never touch on how the other two relate... but of course with them, daigo and arakawa try to become closer to mine and jo (evidently we see daigo have a little more success on account of rgg refusing to let arakawa and jo be in a room together for more than five minutes). its unfortunate that we don't get to hear much of arakawa's thoughts on jo, but if it's anything like daigo and his concern over mine (i.e. worrying that mine is only concerned with money/only sees value in himself through his wealth, wanting to be closer to him and get rid of the 'stiffness' between them) i imagine he harbors similar sentiment (and being a Bonafide Father instead of a proverbial one like daigo, i wouldn't be surprised if he could be more anxious/concerned over jo, especially considering the- albeit small- age gap absent in minedai).
#long post#i made it long oopsie (╯▽╰ )#snap chats#[deranged] and thats why they're both flavors of yuri#didnt mean for this to turn into a thesis for. minedai/arasawa???? but it's here now so....#i ALWAYS think of the comparison between them this is now very evident.......#obviously there's a LOT more to be said about minedai/arasawa and even just mine himself BUT. we already done that LMAO#plus this long already good lord....#it's the way they're so similar but not at the same time that's perfect#so funny though i always see my twitter mutuals talk about mine and daigo being parents#and like. not to be fandom police but mine's child-hating ass just wouldn't have it#you know who DO have kid(s) together... and is relatively the same flavor........#gen so funny to me i talked bout this a while ago but ill say it again cause Sue Me#but although i never care too much if characters i like together have kids If They Do..... I Win A Million Dollars...#ergo if fam's really looking for that minedai-as-dads gold..... look to the left at arasawa please and thanks#OH ALSO YOU'RE GOOD ?? no need to write in every day it's ok :)#always appreciate when you do but !!! dont feel obligated please (╯▽╰ ) cant force things etc etc :]
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aus where r/s have a kid are a little strange to me sorry. because well s okay i sort of get it but r? what about that man makes you think he would a) want a child b) be a good father to one. be real
#when i say aus i also mean the child she made him father in the canon material. which never shouldve happened#teddy lupin means nothing to me. those are just words. there is no residual fondness left over from my affection for his father#sorry but even if they got married. i dont think theyre having kids. that seems like such a strange next move for them i cannot imagine the#wanting that#r endangered every child in hogwarts incuding his dead best friends son so as not to damage his reputation with the big boss. and now you#have to understand i dont see that as any sort of crime because i dont give a shit about any of those kids if it was up to me#he wouldve eaten harry when he got the chance. but the principle of it does not scream to me 'man who should have a child :-('#as much as i HATE to acknowledge the existence of hjp. he was kid enough for s i think and i grant you he was a good parental figure to him#but like. for him and his loser boyfriend to go out of their way to have a child. feels unlikely ill level with you. but this might all jus#be my disinterest in kidfic showing. i think im right though#like its one thing to take h in as the orphan son of ur dead friend in canon. but like in aus...hm.#its the same as i feel about them proposing to each other. said it b4 but i cannot imagine either of them planning some big heavily#orchestrated candles and roses down on one knee proposal. that is not them its just not. if they DO get married its because they are#brushing their teeth together and one of them goes we should get married and the other one goes what? and the first one says we should#get married again and the other one goes take your toothbrush out of your mouth i cant understand what youre saying like that. and the#first one takes their toothbrush out and repeats i SAID we should get MARRIED and the other one goes oh okay. if you'd like#anyway. this post got away from me no one is reading these tags are they jeez#r/s
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OK this is the last post I make on the topic because I don't like being too personal on Tumblr (not anymore at least) and tbh I might delete this after a while but it is so upsetting to see people shit on people who are addicted to gacha games. It doesn't matter what it is an addiction is an addiction. I've heard of people going into debt over these things like do you understand how sad and terrible that is. And like maybe idk we shouldn't laugh at them for spending 1k+ on some anime waifu maybe we should idk treat them like a human being and help them.
#turning off reblogs on this because i dont want this spreading#i say personal because ive been affected#not the extent that i've put myself in debt or anything wild don't worry#and to me its less how much i spent and more how fucking fast i was to spend it#but thats as much detail as i'll give#because a) i dont want to discuss it with you guys i love y'all but i have to set my boundries#and b) because as i said i would literally get made fun of for it#and people justify it like 'oh the characters are well written!' yeah because they want you to care about them so you spend money#its literally what the whole system is based on#in gensh!n at least i cant speak for other gacha games#the fundemental system is still fucked up#and look i wouldn't judge anyone for playing these games because that would be hypocritical#so like if you play them whatever#but just do really really think about what you're doing#for your own sake#i know its hard too i wont lie i miss gens!n because i used to play with my gf#she was so understanding though when i came away from it love that woman so much#not sure i would have stopped if it wasn't for her#im probably making it sound worse than it was but then again its probably like oh it wasn't that bad but if you think about it kinda was#just not as severe i suppose#and like final thing but the fact that i literally dont feel i can talk to anyone about this#im much better than i was because ultimately just coming away from the game and the fandom helped#but like because of the stigma around it on and offline i wouldn't feel safe talking about it unless its a professional therapist#and that's so fucked up#sounds like im looking for sympathy im sorry im really not (maybe a little subconsciously) but i want people to know that yeah its fucked#and you're not cool or better because you bully people for it especially if you play them yourself#sorry this post is all over the place ill def be deleting this in a few hours LMAO i just need to get it off my chest#and in fairness to y'all ye're good listeners#ask to tag
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