are we ready to talk about shauna's barely hidden but somehow very ignored psychosis and how it, like a ton of her other qualities, is brushed aside by both those around her and the audience? like, i think its clear that a central focus of the show is the way lottie is the only one who got stuck in a facility (and natalie in and out of rehab being the next closest to reckoning with her shit) when the rest of them are very clearly not okay. as a certified Crazy Girl, i've been weary of how they'll handle lottie's story line (blurring psychosis and the supernatural is a very delicate and tricky thing and thus far i've been sort of just waiting to see where it goes). our data on and understanding of mental health is incredibly limited for a lot of reasons (but that's a rant for another time) but there is a large mainstream misconception of when hallucinations and delusions can happen. psychosis isn't just something that happens in schizophrenia and its very complex, so if you want to learn more there's plenty of info out there i'm not going to get into it here, but it happens in a lot of other cases. psychosis is, most simply put, a loss of contact with external reality. ptsd can cause psychosis, especially auditory and visual hallucinations.

so shauna is shown to have these experiences and i didn't realize that they were being so heavily overlooked by a large amount of people until the reaction to the scene where she beats lottie nearly to death. shauna is introduced in s1 as having hallucinations of jackie 25 years later. she is shown to disassociate. in 207, she both holds the baby's body and believes the delusion that they ate the baby. the episode shows her fighting the delusion until she can't anymore. meanwhile, adult shauna tells lottie she keeps callie at arms length out of "fear that she would die...i guess? or maybe that she was never even...real to begin with." then she adds "i think something is broken, lottie." implied: she's broken. something is wrong with her. this is the is the most honest about her mental state we've ever seen shauna be.

why? because lottie has always been and likely will always be perceived as crazier. lottie is the one they pin it on, lottie is the cult leader both then and now, lottie is the scapegoat, lottie is the one who got sent to switzerland. i think there's something to be said for the effect lottie has on people (again, a whole other post) but honestly, that alone is enough. shauna is feeling vulnerable for a lot of reasons and she can tell lottie that she thinks she's crazy, that she's never quite sure her daughter exists, that she's constantly afraid she'll die to the degree that she doesn't let herself interact with her in a real, tangible way, because it's always safer to tell the crazy girl you're crazy, too.

and lottie knows. shauna knows that. lottie clocked her psychosis almost immediately, when she was in the meat shed for all hours. the other girls were shocked by the makeup, and their shock was so fucking strange to me when i watched it, but now on reflecting i'm realizing maybe its the lottie effect. like, have i done the shit shauna has? abso-fucking-lutely not lol. but does my mind work in a way where i immediately would assume shauna was doing something along the lines of the shit she was doing out there, because to me its like...what else would it be? yeah. like sees like, in a way. lottie knows what this looks like at baseline, even if its coming out way different in shauna. even if in shauna it looks like aggression and violence a lot of the time. lottie gets it.

jeff doesn't get it, he thinks strawberry lube is too wild. taissa gets it to a degree, and we see shauna be the second most open with her, but tai suppresses and hides it a degree that she wouldn't dare step foot in a therapist's office (this is yet another thing that makes me crazy but is a whole other post lol). shauna's main goal in this life she's created is pretending to be normal. and she's like, impressively bad at it. but people let her, because what else are they going to do? addressing the clear issues is taboo, because we categorize people so heavily. she masks better than lottie, but it's fucking wafer thin. you see this when she interacts with people who aren't her family or the other yjs. the way she speaks to the taylors? to adam? shauna is only sometimes masking passably when she's in her set world, where she has a routine, and is surrounded by people she only has to half-convince of her sanity.

if shauna is honest about the level of psychosis she experiences, she knows she'll end up like lottie. and i think there's an argument to be made that the people around her (which at this point in her life is pretty much just jeff because she's done another common thing and insulated herself from other people, re: the way she behaves being clockably off to others who won't overlook certain things or can't relate) understand that too. it can't be addressed, because then in their minds there must be action of some kind if it is. (taissa yelling you're acting crazy, shauna is one of the most purely terrified moments we see of her in relation to shauna, because she knows she's admitting something. jeff yelling something to the same effect after the carjacking, same thing.)

the person we see try to get shauna to open up about it is callie. her teenage daughter, who bares the brunt of her difficulty maintaining reality, (who knows that shauna has never accepted her fully as her child, and seems to actually sense that there is a deeper reason for that), asks her to open up. she tells her after the club scene that she knows something is wrong. she even mentions jackie directly. she spends all of s2 trying to relate to shauna, to get her to be open with her about everything. there's no way shauna's trauma and psychosis and general issues have gone unnoticed by callie. daughters always know. they see it in their mothers before they even have a concept of the world. so we're watching a 16 year old try to get her mom to open up, because she doesn't understand fully why that's so dangerous to shauna. to callie, it may even be a secret she thinks other people are in on that she's being left out of. i think maybe she's realizing that it isn't personal and that shauna is guarded like this in general, and we're watching that happen.

callie is learning to care for and relate to her mother and she doesn't see why shauna won't let her in, because to her it's an innate truth that she'll be by her side no matter what (if only she'd let her be). she has unconditional love for her mother and that is the scariest thing in the world to shauna, because the last person who had unconditional love for shauna died because shauna didn't know what to do with it. a baby she never got a chance to meet in reality could've replaced the love that jackie gave her, and shauna was maybe starting to look forward to that, but that ended before it began. so twice shauna has killed that figure in her life. the one who loves her wholly and for who she is, which is terrifying to shauna in it's own right (she tried to take that away from jackie in their last moments, maybe you never really knew me, because that would be easier. shauna can't handle someone really knowing her because she can't handle really knowing herself because, again, that means addressing things that go unaddressed). and she doesn't plan on killing that figure again.

(if callie's even real, because the baby wasn't real when she met him and jackie wasn't real every time she's talked to her in the last twenty-five years, so who the fuck is to say callie is real?)

“Nine would have treated Martha better than Ten did”

I need to talk about this argument that never seems to stop circulating.

Note: Not a venomous/anti post. There’s more than enough of that across fandom spaces as is, and this is supposed to be a place for ✨sweet, blissful escapism✨

When making this argument, people seem to envision a scenario in which Nine never met Rose.

While I can appreciate a good hypothetical, recognizing Rose's significance to the Doctor (Nine and Ten) is essential to understanding why things with Martha played out the way they did in the first place.

In the third series, the Doctor is grieving. This grief is deliberately threaded into nearly every script, whether spoken aloud or not (and these are just a few examples):

He's burning in Rose’s wake the entire time Martha travels with him, which is why it’s so frequently called upon: It’s 100% deliberate in framing his grief. He grieved as Nine too, of course— having been fresh on the heels of the Time War — but then he met Rose, which changed everything.

Back then, he was still a rude, traumatized pain in the ass, but we watch Rose soften more of those jagged edges with every episode as they grow closer; as he lets his guard down and forms a deep connection with her.

He falls in love (against his better judgment) and it's game over.

And yes: provided S1E1 had been titled 'Martha', one can realistically assume things might have unfolded similarly to how they did with Rose. However, it wouldn’t have been that way just because the Doctor was Nine and “Nine was different” — it would be because he wasn’t already in love with someone else. The same can't be said for the start of S3.

Think of it like this: if Rose AND Martha had been in that cellar — if Nine had taken both of them along with him in S1 — we’d eventually be looking at the most melodramatic love triangle ever, what with him living in close quarters with two brilliant, gorgeous, compassionate young women... But Doctor Who is plenty “soap opera” as is with just one woman in the TARDIS.

(I certainly wouldn’t object to reading that fic, though)

Now, regarding the unrequited elephant in the room…

His inability to be romantic with Martha isn’t because he thinks her lesser, nor is it for lack of compatibility. It isn't because Rose is any better than her. It certainly isn’t just because he’s Ten.

It’s really only for one reason, which can't be denied — and now I’m a broken record:

He is still in love with Rose.

(cut from a tenrosedaily gif)

Nine is Ten, and Ten is only such a mess in S3 because he’s just lost the love of his life. Martha merely got caught in the crosshairs of a volatile Time Lord in mourning, and yes — it sucks. Absolutely.

But it also feels dismissive to chalk Ten and Martha’s relationship up to little more than some sort of mindless dance of pining, jealousy, and toxicity.

Ten trusted Martha with his life over and over again — and hers, with him. He constantly praised her brilliance, happily carting her around time and space with no intention of letting her go. In the BBC’s extended universe of novels/comics/cartoons/etc, there’s so much depth to their relationship: love and trust and trauma and sacrifice. They had their own special bond as mates, their own complexities — so it’s a bummer that it's forever overshadowed by the other things.

I’m not denying that there was a lot of stuff that sucked/was for sure toxic about Ten's S3 behavior, but so many of the things I've seen him catching flak for can be directly attributed to being A Clueless Fucking Alien Idiot (not a trait that’s unique to Ten) — as well as his flat-out obliviousness to Martha’s feelings.

So yes, I agree: if Rose never existed, he would have treated Martha differently as Nine. He also would have treated her differently as Ten. Certainly.

But Rose did exist, and when discussing canon, it matters.

“He tells me that he absolutely, 100% loves Rose... He tells me how my daughter; my wonderful, beautiful, clever little girl saved him from himself before… And he says that’s all because of me! I made her into the Rose Tyler that saved him.”

-Jackie Tyler, Flight Into Hull!

Martha got the short end of the stick in S3. She came round at the wrong place and time, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. It doesn't mean the Doctor didn’t adore her. It certainly doesn't mean the time they spent together was wasted or worthless. They were brilliant!

Sure, he could be a twat, but let it be known that he was a twat with Rose as well, both as Nine and Ten. I’m sure Tentoo can be plenty infuriating, too. So while I'll defend Ten (and Tentoo) into the ground forever and ever and ever, I'll concede that he's fucked up.

The Doctor is a certified Pain In The Ass. It’s one of the things I love so much about this character — dynamics.

But never forget that Martha was goddamn tough as nails and overcame every bit of it. She moved on with her life, and the Doctor moved on with his. One can only pray that, when they inevitably drag her back onto the show (which feels inevitable if I'm honest), we see at once that she's been living her best life for all these years.

I keep seeing people calling Callum Snake boi what does that MEAN

Little slice of fandom history and also because it's my fault (TLDR at the bottom in bold):

Years ago, a few days after S1 came out and when JK Rowling wasn't an outspoken bloody TERF there were discussions of what Harry Potter houses the characters would fit into. The general consensus for Callum seemed to be that he'd be a Ravenclaw because he's clever and artistic, but I argued for Slytherin (whose symbol is a snake) because I saw him more so as ambitious than just curious and more selectively loyal when it comes to his motivations, etc etc.

If you've been following me for any period of time you might know that I tag Very Meticulously, so as a trans person and a trans ally I was like I don't wanna use the TERF's terminology anymore, but having a tag to talk about a specific aspect of Callum's characterization (his wonderfully harsh temper, his intense selective loyalty, his obsessive ambition, etc etc) was still a useful prospect to me. Thus Snake Boi Callum as a tag was born, mostly as a joke? And so I could find metas that talked about his characterization (specifically) as I don't think I had a characterization tag almost at all for a while?

It started to pick up steam in my tags specifically when there was starting to be a little bit of - pushback isn't the right word cause everyone's entitled to their own interpretation and characterization of a character, nor does everyone have to engage with every part of a character's canon personality or actions in their fandom stuff if they don't want to.

But there'd be stuff of people forgetting that he can be pretty mean when he gets angry or not seeing him as selectively loyal to Ezran and Rayla? People would also be surprised but accepting, or resistant, to his growing and consistent parallels in characterization with Viren and Claudia (even if they are all still, ultimately, different from one another).

I saw a fair bit of sentiment during the hiatus of "oh he'd Never ever do dark magic again" (which I never believed even immediately post-s2) or in discussions of how he'd respond to Rayla after she left in Through the Moon graphic novel (set shortly after S3). Some people thought understandably that he'd care a lot about the lie (that he'd get to go with her) and the abandonment, understandably so - they're both shitty things to do, but I also sympathize/cry over why Rayla thought she had to do them, but I never thought he'd think the lie was that important, and focus more on the abandonment aspect as a source of hurt.

Snake Boi Callum as a concept also got some mileage in the development of my Cube Hostage Exchange Theory as well, an ongoing theory since November 2020-ish that Callum will help Aaravos / give him the Key of Aaravos in order to save Rayla's life if she was injured / taken hostage. I don't know if they'll do that scenario now because S5 basically delivered the exact thing, just with Finnegrin instead of Aaravos, but there was some more legitimate pushback to said theory/scenario during the hiatus because people thought Callum would never help a villain like that or take such a big risk for someone he loves. I'm not gonna say that I was wholly right (because I wasn't) and again people can interpret his actions in S5 in whatever way they want, but I will say that all of S5 was one of the most validating experiences of vindication I've ever had in my whole life, so that probably speaks for itself

But yeah, it's a term that's kinda caught on (I would say 60-80% of the fandom sees Callum as someone who would risk the world for Ezran and/or Rayla, with 20-30% - maybe less? - seeing otherwise, hence why I think it's caught on; but again, having an 'unpopular' opinion in fandom doesn't necessarily make it wrong, god knows I've had plenty) and then in the discords I'm in, a few people thought a week based around those traits would be fun and boom. Snake Boi Callum Week was born.

TLDR; Snake Boi Callum is a fanon catch-all / shorthand for the 'darker' / more emotional and torn side of Callum's personality (his ambition, his temper, particularly his fierce protectiveness and selective loyalty) that is being explored by whoever wants to in a fun fandom week. His bio in official series material does read that he values "those close to [him] more than anyone or anything" after all (which again, was very validating after years and seasons of seeing and writing him with that exact sentiment)

The tagging also means that for people who don't agree with this characterization for whatever reason, or whom dislike the emphasis on it, can blacklist it easily (as is the intended purpose with all tags on my blog)

He's a goofy nurturing guy who will Cut You and verbally eviscerate you without question if you hurt his loved ones or piss him off enough, and I love that for him. He's a little snake boi and we think he should have lots of angst (or sometimes not enough when it comes to killing/threatening people) over how far he'll go to protect the people he loves, as a Treat

Rick losing his original family makes me even sadder when I think about the fact that Morty and Summer are basically his kids. He lives with them and takes a much more active role in their lives than most grandparents. He's also pretty much raising Morty (he's doing a terrible job lmao, but he is.) He lost all his children. He lost Jerry, too.

yeahhhhh, 100%.

he’s morty’s primary caregiver at this point, and it kind of feels like the first time in his life morty has ever actually had a primary care giver.

i mentioned this in one of my other posts, but for the longest time after the s5 finale/s6 premier i assumed that rick would pop into the s1 prime dimension on occasion to see if prime had come back, and ran into little morty then. that entire assumption relies on the the inference that morty was pretty heavily neglected and left to his own devices, even at such a young age.

i mean, who in their right mind would leave their baby completely alone in the front hallway while they’re learning to walk?

we ofc don’t know if that’s how rick really knew a morty baby, but it really says something that that’s what someone would immediately deduce.

morty himself even confronts beth about the neglect in “a rickconvenient mort,” and we have plenty of scenes (like in “raising gazorpazorp”) that are open about the neglectful/horrible parents beth and jerry are. even though jerry is shown to be more affectionate towards the kids, he’s always been too busy orbiting beth to be a decent father. (you could also get into the state of morty’s room compared to the rest of the house, or even summer’s room. it’s full of childlike toys and posters because he’s really just a little boy, but there’s mold and mildewy spots- even though he keeps his room relatively tidy.)

one scene that really stuck out to me is when rick takes morty to school in “juricksic mort.” it seems like rick has been one of the people making sure that morty gets there for a while now, considering how the whole scene goes down. (which, what a great contrast from his character in s1. he’s gone from making excuses to justify ruining morty’s education to making sure he gets there on time.)

“rick! mom’s working and dad’s still asleep! i’m gonna be late.” “… just get the keys.”

no pushback from rick at all, just casually taking morty to school. i also like the detail that rick is up that early in the morning, like he’s part of the smith family weekly morning rush routine. he’s just relaxed after summer’s off to school and beth’s at work, drinking some beer and watching the news.

that really seems like rick’s been taking morty to school everyday, or at least often. it’s also a great example of a moment where rick steps up as the “dad” or “patriarch” of the house to fill in for jerry again.

rick doing household chores and shaking his head at the kids in disappointment in “final desmithation” is something that makes me feel like rick is more of a parental figure to the kids than the actual smith parents, too.

(rick sanchez in his matriarch era lol)

(i also just love this little scene of him drinking wine with beth while she plays “operation” and the kids sit around. it’s such a sweet little detail that makes me think about what a subtle act of affection it is to drink wine with her because that’s her drink of choice. it’s also reminiscent of rick “making up for lost time” with his little girl, because it’s horse operation. some things never change- like your daughter playing with horse toys while you watch and have a little drink- even if you’re an old man and she has kids of her own now.)

another episode that i think really embodies rick being the only one who goes out of his way to care about/look after the kids is “rickmancing the stone.” sure, he has that whole blurb about how summer is completely replaceable, but he never actually tries to replace them with versions of themselves from other realities. he just kind of tries to buy time and hopes that they’ll eventually want to come back.

i love the scene where he says, “we need to get you guys home so you can properly deal with your parents’ divorce!”

it seems so genuine to me. he’s a dick, but he’s a dick that’s worried about his grandkids.

being a nurturing father figure, especially with children, is something that seems to come naturally to rick. it’s like part of his nature that’s just been waiting to peek out, even though he’s a jaded old asshole now. “a different kind of rick,” exactly.

I try not to post too much TWN negativity on this blog, because I know plenty of people enjoy the show just fine, and I hate being an asshole and raining on other people’s parades. But, god, the way that the show treats Yennefer - or rather, mistreats her - just upsets me and pisses me off so much. 

The book already puts her through the wringer - too much at times, honestly - but the show just takes it to a whole new level. The amount of suffering they put her through that wasn’t present in the books is so frustrating to me. Like adding in random torture scenes that weren’t present (the hysterectomy scene, being tortured by Stregebor), losing her magic powers, constantly being captured in S2, not even having a particularly good court standing - like in S1 when Fringilla mocks her for not helping advance Aedirn at all, and Yennefer doesn’t even have a good comeback to that. It’s as if the show is just obsessed with giving her constant Ls and never really letting her come out on top. Sidenote: I am fine with angst, in fact I enjoy it, and I am fine with a character going through hardships and suffering. You can do a lot of great character, story and theme exploration with angst, and sometimes it’s necessary for a character to suffer to develop that. If I wasn’t fine with angst, I wouldn’t be a fan of the witcher lmao. But when I see a character who already goes through a shit ton of misery in the books get forced into even more suffering in the show that never happened....I start to have a problem.

And then, of course, S2 committed the cardinal sin with that stupid ass Voleth Meir plotline. As if torturing her, having her be captured, making her lose her powers, wasn’t bad enough - they completely character assassinate her by making her almost sacrifice Ciri to a fucking demon. Something that is so bewilderingly OOC for Yennefer, something that never EVER happened in the books. When the show got bored with creating narrative suffering for her, they decided to take it to a meta level by character assassinating her in a really bizarre, stupid way. Because, why was this necessary? I know that they were concerned about the fact Yennefer doesn’t really show up much in Blood of Elves, I understand they wanted to create a plot line for her that got her more involved in the main plot. But - why this???!!! There were 101 different plot lines they could have given her that didn’t involve her trying to sacrifice Ciri to a fucking demon, in the process completely messing up her relationship with Geralt and Ciri!!

And this is the main reason I’m making this post - her relationship with Geralt and Ciri being messed up. I’ve seen a lot of articles recently about S3, all stating that Yennefer essentially has to grovel to Geralt, that he ignores her for potentially a full year, that at the beginning he doesn’t even let her enter the same abode as them - what the fuck!!! It upsets me so much. Because this was the biggest problem with the VM plotline - it completely upends Geralt and Yennefer’s dynamic. In the books, their relationship is way more equal - in fact, it honestly would be accurate to say that Yennefer is the more dominant one in the relationship, not Geralt. The show is now completely turning that on its head, and making Geralt the dominant one - but not personality wise, more in a moral highground type way. Because now, whatever stupid shit Geralt does, or has done in the past - e.g. tell Yennefer she’d be a terrible mother, which he never apologises for - none of that matters!! Because it will never be as bad as Yennefer trying to kill Ciri. Instead of a relationship where they both fuck up and both make mistakes, like in the books, in the show the emphasis will all be on Yennefer. Yennefer is the one fucking up, Yennefer is the one making absurdly stupid mistakes, Yennefer is the one who needs to apologise and grovel and beg for forgiveness. 

And this is what I mean by, the show is obsessed with giving her Ls. Not only do they make her suffer, they character assassinate her by forcing her character to do this cartoonishly evil thing, and then punish her for it!! They don’t just take away her powers, her court standing, they even strip her of her own relationships!!! And I ask again - why is this necessary?? Who decided that punishing her like this would be an extremely important plot line, an improvement, over the original source material? Like back when the show was first announced, I sure as shit wasn’t thinking “oh wow a netflix witcher show - I sure do hope they have a plot thread where Geralt refuses to talk to Yennefer, and doesn’t even let her into the same fucking house as him, because she tried to kill Ciri!!” who wanted this??? Who thought this was a good idea??? Honestly, it makes me feel as if someone on the writing team hates Yennefer and wants her to suffer, both in a narrative and meta level. And no, I’m not talking about that infamous Beau deMayo interview - something that caused a huge amount of online drama and should be taken with a big old pinch of salt, especially since the writer who made this claim was responsible for some pretty questionable decisions, namely the whole Treeskel thing. I’m not making a direct accusation here - it’s more a feeling. When I look at TWN, I cannot help but sense a level of contempt and spite towards the character of Yennefer. That doesn’t necessarily mean someone in the writing team genuinely has it out for her, but if that’s the impression that I get from the way they treat her in the show, then something has gone very wrong with the narrative decisions they made for her.

And this is why, not only can I not let myself be excited for S3, it’s why I’m genuinely feeling dread about it. Every time I read interviews about how Geralt and Yennefer have this really rocky start and he’s ignoring her or whatever, my stomach just sinks. And again - why was this decision made? Who thought this was a good idea? And yeah, the TWN team have already said they’re trying to fix the problem with their relationship caused in S2, but a) the way they are going about fixing it only serves to punish Yennefer’s character more and b) it should not have been something to fix in the first place. It’s also why I can’t bring myself to believe that S3 will suddenly be more faithful and better than S2, esp in regards to Yennefer (aside from the fact they’ve made this promise before and failed to deliver). Because the early plot points of a story are extremely important in setting the foundation of your later plot, especially in a series like the witcher. If your foundation is inherently flawed, it doesn’t matter how good your later seasons are; they are built on a faulty base, and will therefore lack a good structure. Case in point with Yennefer. Without going too much into book spoilers, let’s just say she has a really rough time of it post-Time of Contempt in the books. So in the show, either a) they will just put her through even more suffering and leave you thinking “wow did this entire show exist just to punish Yennefer?” or b) they will have to deviate away from the books. Neither of these options are particularly good. (this also is one of my problems with S2 as a whole - they were so desperate to put in all this insane blockbuster action and dramatic plot points, but sometimes in stories you need moments of calm to make later dramatic plot points more hard hitting. In the books, Blood of Elves was the moment of calm before Time of Contempt’s batshit, action packed drama. In the show, you never get that moment of calm. Why should I care about whatever happens in Thanedd if S2 had Ciri get possessed by a fucking demon and go on a killing spree? But anyway.)

And I think the reason why I’m particularly disappointed with the way that the show has treated Yennefer’s character so badly (aside from the numerous promises of “we’re a faithful book adaptation” being complete lies) is that Yennefer is a character who already receives a lot of unfair hate. Obviously there’s the annoying “Team Yen vs Team Triss” thing from the games, but even within the show there were a certain type of fans of a certain ship who hated a lot on Yennefer for daring to get in the way of their ship. Like, I’m so sick of seeing Yennefer getting hate for stupid, unfair reasons - and now even the show is treating her like shit??? Like, give me a break!! 

I’m just tired of it. And obviously, if you like TWN and you’re excited for S3, that’s fine. In fact, I’m honestly jealous, I wish I could feel the same. And who knows, maybe the show will improve its treatment of Yennefer, maybe they’ll finally give her some Ws. But that’s what I thought about S2, and was proven VERY wrong. Any confidence, trust or optimism I had left for the show was completely destroyed by the Voleth Meir plotline in S2, and the show will have to work very hard to rebuild that trust for me. And unfortunately, everything I’ve heard about S3 so far is only confirming that they’ll continue to treat her poorly.

Hello there! I hope the month is treating you alright. Speaking of impending breakdowns, with a full guarantee of MK having one coming soon, aside from him who else do you think will be getting one amongst the Monkie crew, from earliest to the latest? Macaque is shockingly doing well comparatively because he's been having one the entire show and only started to wind down and process it s4 while the other two monkeys are just piling them up. I am fully biased towards SWK so I'd like to know your thoughts on what an SWK breakdown would look like and what would trigger it, and if we might see it any time soon.

I think the reason on why an MK vs SWK fight makes me full of nervous dread is because i worry it might mean full rejection of MK towards SWK, after all the trials they have been through, and that SWK haven't had someone fully believing in him for so long so i worry he might interpret it as MK finally giving up on him, like the others did. But I'm holding on to the hope that it's not entirely the case, MK still believes in him, he just wants SWK to actually use his words and TALK to him, extreme force needed. But that might just be me.

Regarding the Samadhi Fire incident, do you think the other pilgrims ever find out about the fourth ring, or did Ao Lie and SWK kept it a secret between them only? I've read Dr. Chalk's comic on twitter, and one of their comics headcanon that Ao Lie didn't tell the rest of the pilgrims about the Samadhi fire in him because he's afraid they'll blame SWK for it. What do you think?

That's it for now. Sleep early, eat your meals regularly, and drink plenty of water!

ok 1) lmao true, Macky's spent most of s3 on the brink and s1&2 is just him projecting so yeah lmao (love him tho). and aside from MK, i think Mei is a huge contender for the breakdown category. Or Tang bc he was super anxious throughout s4. (imma go more in-depth about MK & SWK at the end of this post tho)

imma answer your Samadhi Fire question first: tbh i was originally inclined to believe that Ao Lie did try to keep the knowledge of the 4th ring underwraps for a long time (bc the angst is very fun). if he told SWK, he knew the monkey would blame himself. if he told the jttw crew, it would upset all of them. it's like how @lunar-wandering said in their post that Ao Lie is probably someone who would hide his injuries and troubles because if it is known, it is viewed as a weakness others can target.

then again, i doubt Ao Lie would withhold his physical injuries to the jttw gang because he trusts them, so it could be possible that he did tell them, but they all agreed to keep that secret between themselves. the AGAIN, i highly doubt Ao Lie would share his reasons for being exiled by his family, so he never told them until he felt he could no longer keep it together.

however, keep in mind that Wukong was aware of the 4th ring even in his amnesiac state. he was still with the jttw gang by this point, it was after the journey, and Wukong was aware. tbh, he sounded like he thought Pigsy was also aware, like he was reminding his companion that there are 4 rings not 3.

and, with that....imma have to go with Ao Lie did inform his friends but only his friends. was it immediately after the ritual? i doubt that. my opinion is that Ao Lie informed only after everyone in the group noticed a key change in their dragon-horse friend.

now, my beloved sunburst duo <3

i'm going to have to disagree with you, bestie. i don't think the MK vs SWK fight will to any full rejection. rather, i believe it will give both characters some form of understanding for the other. MK, as we have seen, has trouble separating Wukong from the hero pedestal he placed his mentor on. while he is more aware of the fact that Wukong has flaws and isn't perfect, he is still struggling with acknowledging the fact that his mentor did very bad things in his past, that he hurt people, that he is still hurting people (tho not intentionally). we see it with how he fought Ink!MK who unveiled those very dark and reclusive anxieties of his that he never wishes to acknowledge. we even saw it with how defensive MK can be over Wukong with Macaque and Azure.

on the flip side, SWK did not begin their mentorship with the intention of getting attached. he started this because he knew MK's potential and power, and it is very likely that he was aware that MK was a possible replacement for himself. Wukong keeps his distance in s1, only training the kid and taking his time to do so because he while he doesn't want to get close, he does want to ensure that MK will not fall into the same mistakes he did. unfortunately (for Wukong), the monkey grows attached.

Wukong sees MK's drive to train and be better and sees his own self reflected in it. but, again, he doesn't want MK to be like him. he wants MK to be a better version. a version that never thought to extend his life out of fear of losing his usefulness, a version that never tries to push his friends into situations they may not feel comfortable with, a version that does not feel the need to prove himself to Heaven.

honestly, my concept of their fight/breakdown will come to the fact that both MK and SWK fail to communicate their exact fears, anxieties, and intentions towards the other. MK feels like he can't even talk or vent to Wukong because that's his idol, and Wukong has brushed aside MK's anxieties in the past (MK's worries about Spider Queen for example. also i'm not saying Wukong does this with any malice intent; rather, it's his own way of trying to be optimistic. it just doesn't land well for MK unfortunately). Wukong feels like he can't open up because he sees the way MK looks up to him, he is very aware of his public image and reputation because...you know, he's immortal and has seen his and his friend's stories be told over centuries :)

and while Wukong has attempted to open up to MK post-s3, it's very slow and (more irritatingly) the plot isn't allowing them to have those private talks where they can hash out their shit.

(noooOOOOoooooOOO, swk had to be sucked into a cursed scroll and live through his worst memories, distorted or not, and MK had to be told by another old friend of his mentor that Wukong doesn't care enough about his friends to stay)

therefore, it looks like the only way both characters will even get a chance to air-out their issues will be shouting at each other, throwing physical blows, and maybe crying at each other (i hope so :3 i wanna see swk cry on screen please!)

HOWEVER: while this could lead to the 2 of them needing space with each other (which could lead to both or either of them spiraling about how the other person's rejected them and doesn't want them in their lives anymore), i highly doubt that this fight will be the end of their relationship. frankly, i think it will help give both characters some perspective on the other, work on themselves, and come back with new outlooks & healthier minds (maybe)

so yeah, those are my thoughts :)

hi! just finished And This, Your Living Kiss yesterday and omg dmnfkddmsks people weren't lying! anyways, i was wondering if you have any recommendations on similar fics? poet!dean is just🥺

Ahhh I was also reluctant to read ATYlK at first because I don't like AUs in general but I am so glad some people on here cinvinced me to give it a chance because oh boy it's a fucking masterpiece!!! I loved everything about it but what stood out to me is how masterfully the enviroment was presented. I feel like this is something that gets glossed over in fanfics usually but this fic man! Made me feel like I was at the campus with Dean and then that I was in his poetry class!! Legit made me want to go back to academia, I am not exaggerating at all 😅 And the reveal scene!!!!! I was feeling all the emotions reading it!

Sorry to ramble, but this fic makes it so easy to!

Anyways, I am actually the last person to ask for fic recs because my ao3 is a mess and I keep telling myself I need to organize but I never do. So me finding fics again is mostly in the hands of the fates because I rarely bookmark stuff however there are a couple fics in my bookmarks still:

The Cheapest Room In The House by biggaybenny

aka the famous Grindr fic. And that makes it sound silly I know but I promise you you will expereince every shrimp emotion reading this

In this Lousianna Bar by fleeceframe

Premise: Castiel travels back in time to hang out with S1 Dean and it's beautiful and heartbreaking and there is so much love there my god

The Wreck by fleeceframe

Dean & Cas have a heart-to-heart.

(tbh I recomment any fleeceframe fic, I have read a good chunk of their stuff and every single one is phenomenal)

Regarding Castiel by eddiegirl

Imagines what would have happened if Cas had been in Regarding Dean

On Labor by a_good_soldier

I think this might be my most favourite post finale fix it fic ever. It's so juicy by which I mean it it such a real and true look at Dean and his neuroses and oc it has a happy ending!

Six Hundred Sundays (And Many More) by sobsicles

I believe this is also post finale? Tbh I don't remmeber the details beyond it being about these two idiots failing to communicate and then at one point succeeding. Also Dean builds Cas a gazebo!!!

sobsicles is another aurhor that just gets Dean & Cas so I'd recommend reading all their stuff of you dig this one

The Most Important Thing by NorthernSparrow

Northern Sparrow is another big name in the fandom and I think there are probably fics by then that are more popular than this one but this was the first foc of theirs I read and it just stuck with me because of it's wonderful premise -Jimmy is raising his teenage daughter except something's not right. This has a lot of Claire which I enjoyed because imo Claire is a Hamlet caliber of character on SPN who is constantly being underexplored so this was nice. Though there is plenty of Destiel n this too and their relationship does become pivotal towards the end.

Sorry these are all canonverse but as I said, AUs aren't uaully my thing! Happy reading! 💕

Pride Month Character Sexuality Headcanon Moodboards 1. Yasmine - Lesbian 2. Demetri Alexopoulos - Gay 3. Moon - Bisexual 4. Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz - Bisexual

Next up is everyone's favorite Demetri Alexopoulos-obsessed slightly evil predatory bird boy, Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz! Unlike with Demetri, I am fully aboard the Bisexual Eli Express. Justice for bi guys!!! We need more in media because it is in fact sexy and valid to like dick AND boobs!!!

Now, quick disclaimer that there is not a single mlw Eli ship that I personally fuck with in the least. I've been pretty loud about the reasons for my immense distaste of H*wkM**n, and could in fact write a 20 or so page essay on why they're one of my all-time NoTPs if prompted. Furthermore, my first impulse upon seeing any other female character paired with Eli (or...really, any character who isn't Demetri, or possibly Miguel in extremely specific circumstances) is to keep said pairing approximately 491263844976 feet away from me. BUT, despite my personal feelings of revulsion upon seeing Eli paired with anyone who isn't his soulmate Demetri Alexopoulos, I fully believe Eli is bisexual and that there's plenty of textual evidence to support this!

So let's dive in!

The first thing that comes to mind is how Eli vents to his mom in the 2x05 flashback about how he's "never going to get a girlfriend." Granted, as I've mentioned in some other posts, high school dating is often more about social status (i.e. being seen as "desirable" enough to get an SO makes you more popular) than genuine romantic attraction. BUT Eli voicing his concerns to someone he clearly trusts more than most people indicates to me that he wants a girlfriend more than just for show--he's attracted to girls.

I have a friend who since moved on from the fandom who did autistic analyses of Eli, and pointed out that he's often uncomfortable with eye contact. Pre-Hawk, the only two people we see him make consistent eye contact with are Demetri and his mom. This seems like a pretty good indication that these are the two people he trusts the most, and can most honestly "bare his soul" and be himself around. Another reason I think his vent to his mom about worrying he's never going to have the experience of dating a girl has authenticity to it. I can't compare this to Demetri's interactions with his mom, unfortunately (and it's a damn shame!!! I demand to see Ms. Alexopoulos in S6!!!), but I can say for certain that Eli has expressed wanting a girlfriend from a (presumably) vulnerable and honest place, while S1 Demetri only ever seems to do so performatively.

As previously established, there is no bigger H*wkM**n loather than I. I make no secret of this. HOWEVER!!! I feel like it'd be naive--and maybe even dumb--to pretend that there isn't at least some physical attraction there. Granted, they're definitely emotionally incompatible in a way I wish the show had the balls to actually address (like how the fuck is a pacifist gonna last in a relationship with a dude who loves fighting more than just about everything else lmao), but I can buy they find each other physically (and probably sexually) attractive. Moon basically says as much when she's dumping Eli in S2! They very much strike me as one of those teenage couples who are all over each other 90% because of hormones. I'd say the main difference between them and Dem and Yas is that the performative aspect doesn't seem to be there. While Dem and Yas feel like they're putting on a show, it seems like Hawk and Moon really were just that horny.

So throughout S2, we see Hawk treat Moon in kind of a possessive way, and more as arm candy to make him look good than as her own person (yet another reason I am such a Hater lmao). Despite this, he spends so much time in S3 and S4 moping over her and pining for her that I do think they had somewhat of an emotional connection, even if it was pretty surface-level. I still think their relationship was mostly based on looks and social status, but him being that hung up on winning her back (a frankly unhealthy thing that should not have been narratively rewarded btw) instead of just moving on to some other hot girl who'd give him the time of day indicates that Moon was more than just a beard.

So like. I feel like if you weren't convinced that Eli has feelings for Demetri, you wouldn't be reading a post written by tumblr user demetriandelibinaryboyfriends XD But to briefly summarize: Eli spends much of the show shooting Demetri Yearning Looks and being the only one amused by his antics. Even when they're falling out, Eli is borderline obsessive about harassing Demetri when he could just ignore him and focus on his Cool New Karate Friends. He often seeks Demetri out in fights in a way that feels pretty damn fruity. He's pretty physically affectionate with Demetri, and never seems to mind when Dem is physically affectionate with him (to the point of near cuddling in S4). This is...unusual for teenage boys, to say the least! Oftentimes even the straight ones are so terrified of being perceived as gay that they're super stingy about all but the most "no homo" type of physical affection. The fact that Dem and Eli pretty liberally put their arms around each other and give each other little gestures of physical affection makes me think that they've been in a homoerotic friendship so long that they like. Don't even realize it comes across as kinda gay??? Like Miguel and Demetri are physically affectionate too, but it's much more casual and doesn't feel as intense.

Also worth a mention that Eli is literally simping for Demetri so hard that he joins Demetri's karate dojo right after being terribly traumatized and deciding to quit karate. Why??? Because Demetri said some encouraging things to him, cuddled him on a couch, and basically confessed his love by being like "hey I'll always care about you no matter how you wear your hair or what name you go by." This man is whipped as fuck. His actor basically confirmed he won the championship for Demetri! And lest we forget, the final push that got him to betray the dojo he'd previously devoted his entire life to--also led by a dangerous war criminal sure not to take betrayal lightly, might I mention--was seeing Demetri in danger. Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz is in fact Down Bad.

So I'm not a big fan of the migu/eli ship for reasons I don't want to get into here, but imo it's completely possible Eli had feelings for Miguel at some point (I just don't think they were ever reciprocated because Miguel is in love with Sam!). He definitely idolizes Miguel and puts him on a kind of "coolness" pedestal that feels like it could easily be romantic. He also gets so obsessed with avenging Miguel that he breaks the arm of the other guy he has a crush on, so...there's also that!

Come to think of it, there are actually some really interesting parallels between the Miguel/Eli and Moon/Eli relationships. Both are kind of a case of Eli getting really enamored with this idealized idea/concept he has of a person and getting so wrapped up in that that he has a fundamental misunderstanding of and neglects the actual person's wants and needs. Hence why he's so confused when Moon and Miguel tell him they don't want him in their lives if he's going to be an ass--this isn't how the doe-eyed ever-adoring hot girlfriend and stone-cold, super aggressive badass bestie he built up in his head were supposed to react! Why are they acting like independent people with agency who don't conform to the versions of themselves in Eli's fantasies???

(This is also why I think Demetri's the healthiest and most sensible romantic partner for Eli btw. Eli doesn't idealize and borderline deify Demetri the way he does for other people he has feelings for/seems to have feelings for. He's known Dem so long that we can reasonably extrapolate any feelings that developed were based in the Demetri that was actually there, and not a fictional version he built up in his mind. In fact, it almost seems like Demetri knows Eli has a tendency to do this and won't let Eli project an untrue version of Demetri onto the real guy. That might be why Demetri staunchly refused to change himself to go along with Eli's karate shenanigans in early S2--he was basically saying "I am who I am, and I refuse to become this impossibly glorified image you're projecting onto me." And I can't blame him--I actually get really annoyed when people try to put me on a pedestal, and will often go out of my way to break their illusion that I'm whatever perfect, wholesome box they try to shove me in XD Bottom line being that between Moon, Miguel, and Demetri, I think Demetri has the healthiest relationship with Eli because it's, at the end of the day, the most honest and doesn't hinge on any untrue and unfair projections.)

At the end of the day though!!! The fact that Eli is able to separately idealize both a guy and a girl and both in a pretty romantic or romantic-coded way is pretty damning proof to me that he is in fact bisexual! Look, not all bisexuals process their feelings in healthy ways okay aiksjuuhfkdhg

He dyes his hair ALL THE DAMN BISEXUAL FLAG COLORS. And on the order they're on the flag, too??? Red (S2 - S3) to purple (S4) to dark blue (S5)??? Fucking wild. If this was a fanfiction I would joke about it being too on-the-nose, BUT NO. THIS IS CANON MATERIAL IN THE SHOW.

Okay, I'm sorry, but. NO non-queer dude dyes his hair bright-ass colors like that. Red or blue maaaaybe, but PURPLE??? NO. Straight men simply do not dye their hair purple. Like speaking as an LGBT I'm here to tell you that in the community, brightly colored hair (but especially more "flamboyant," girly colors like purple or pink) basically a signal that says "hey, I am also queer!" ESPECIALLY if you're a dude. Straight girls dyeing their hair bright-ass colors is more common, but I have never known a single straight guy to. And that's because it's associated with being gay af.

Also I can't tell you the amount of times they've put this dude in bisexual lighting. The ones I can think of off the top of my head are S2 Valley Fest and the S3 arm break, but I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. Demetri is there both the times I mentioned. Hmmmm.

Took some liberties with the bisexual flag in this moodboard to better fit Eli's vibe...and also like. These are literally the three colors he dyes his hair in canon. I had to XD

I'm still not over that btw aksjdkhuef like it's so bisexual it's PAINFUL

I really like how this one came out <3 Hopefully I was able to capture the full scope of technonerd, avian motifs, and that one S3 angerboi I-want-to-punch-everything-and-everyone arc!

Btw the top middle picture is just supposed to be neon fire because our boi is Fiery™️, but then I realized it...kind of also looks like a mohawk??? So kudos to me for the accidental character accuracy XD

Okay so. Would you believe I have several more of these that I didn't have the chance to post? ^^; I uh. Guess I'll have to make July Pride Month 2.0 and post them then XD This is what happens when I'm too overambitious in my shitposts, eh?

As always, pic credits available upon request!

Lmao I looked at the comments under my Reddit anon post. And I just wanted to respond because, lol I wasted two years?? Where?? Check my Reddit history lmfao. The last year I haven’t even been active in the Kate/anthony subs! Plus posting a comment takes all of, what, 10 seconds? I don’t live online like some people.

I said a lot of nice things about Simone that people overlook because I said I thought it was weird she wasn’t booking quickly, good lord. As for liking Siena? J did like her in s1, but I have plenty of comments stating I wouldn’t want her back for 3. I think the actress who played her did a good job 🥴. I’m not a fan of either of them, as in, I don’t follow their careers and only know about what’s posted on fauxmoi or something like that. Do I HAVE to be a super fan of Simone? Some of you guys hate JB but know his entire schedule.

As for Cynthia, what have I said about her? lol I don’t really know anything about her other than she can sing. She also had her own affair scandal, but I know little of it. She DOES have haters because, if I recall correctly, she said something off about American black women years ago. That would be something for you all to research, if you cared, which I’m sure many of you don’t. I, actually, recently spoke about how I hated how interviewers don’t being her UP when speaking about wicked.

And well, as for Ariana, yeah, I don’t like her. She sucks. And anyone who thinks she doesn’t is weird??? She literally just helped break up two marriages tf??

Also I never said JB carried the show on his back. I said I preferred his performance and I thought he was great. And I said Simone did a good job. Again, why do we have to be fans of both? You guys aren’t fans of him and I honestly am ok with that lol. My Reddit history is there for all to see, it’s strange to see people just make shit up. And yes, I am a woman for those stalking me and wondering lol.

I don’t really get why people in this fandom can’t disagree in a normal way. Not everyone will like what other people like.

listen I haven't been on reddit for many months and I don't remember having beef with a particular person because I was disgusted by pretty much the majority of people. I think I only visited BridgertonNetflix and I couldn't believe my eyes that there were so many gaslighters in the fandom who would say that we imagined Kanthony being done dirty or that downplayed what happened regarding Simone. I can't honestly say that I ever came across one of your comments so I really don't know what to think on this matter. I agree with you saying that people have to learn how to disagree politely. I appreciate you coming into my inbox with manners and for being honest about your declining interest in JB, my blog is a place to rant after all and as long as it's done on my terms, everyone is welcome, even JB fans or former JB fans.

on another note I don't want to downplay JB's talent as an actor because as much as I don't like him I can admit he's good at his job, but I think it would be fair to say that he was able to shine more because the script allowed so. What did Simone have by the scripts? Crying in rooms alone and being in a coma for the majority of the last episode? Let's remember she wasn't the sister with the central episode about her even tho it was supposed to be ALSO her story

Saw your post about Nancy not being a particularly social person. I notice she's always listing off names of supposed 'friends' (sleepover at Ally's) or implying she's meeting large groups of people (S1 meeting people from school at the diner) to Karen when we never see her interacting with them. Do you think any of these friends actually existed in the first place? I noticed on Murray's board in S2 about Barb, there was an interview with a "school friend" so I wonder if Nancy and Barb were part of a larger group as acquaintances but exclusively best friends with each other? I also wonder why she feels the need to put up a front in front of Karen that she's more social than she actually is?

This is a really great question, thank you! I’ve actually thought about this a lot, especially when planning that post.

Hawkins appears to be a small town, so that is the basis of how I’ll be interpreting things.

In season one, Nancy and Barb don’t appear to be high on the social ladder, but they also aren’t low enough to be actively bullied. We know absolutely nothing about Barb’s social life outside of Nancy, but it’s very possible that Barb had a few school friends that she wasn’t as close with. If she did, I imagine that Nancy knew them, but wasn’t particularly friends with them herself. Nancy would have talked to someone other than Jonathan and Steve when she went missing, if that were the case.

Every example of Nancy specifically mentioning the name of a friend are all used in the context of a lie. None of them are ever even referenced again in passing. I’m fairly certain that Nancy is not going to sleepovers with Ally, or anyone else, after Barb. However, Nancy acts like she expects her mother to be familiar with these names. This is where small-town Hawkins comes into play. People just know each other. No matter how introverted you are, the smaller the town, the more familiar you are with All of your classmates, and the more familiar your parents are with many, if not all, of your classmates. It’s inevitable. 

This leads into one of the most important points; Nancy is introverted, but not a hermit. She is NOT a social butterfly, but she is fairly socially adept. My understanding of Nancy’s social situation at school is that she is generally well-respected, but not especially close to anyone. According to Robin, she has somewhat of a reputation for being a priss because of her closed-off nature. In contrast, not only has years of close proximity forced a level of familiarity with a large portion of the school, but Nancy’s work for the newspaper has also required her to talk to many of the students. She’s friendly enough with plenty of people, but it’s different to talk to people for the sake of talking.

Season one shows us that Nancy is aware of social expectations. This may have changed a bit over the years, but these expectations matter to her on some level. She does change her behavior to be more socially acceptable, and this is something that may occasionally push her out of her comfort zone. She does occasionally go to parties and other ‘group’ things. She even invited Jonathan to the Halloween party in season 2, but as I mentioned in the previous post, if it weren’t for the trauma, Nancy likely would have spent the entire evening just sticking close to Steve and/or Jonathan. I’m uncertain how much she actually likes those kinds of group events in general. In her senior year, I imagine that she only went to activities she could write an article about. This is somewhat because she was very lonely that year, and somewhat because she seems to have matured a little out of that need to shape herself to fit the expectations of the people around her. 

As for Karen, I’m not sure how much of a front Nancy puts on. Each of the lies we know about, have a valid reason for existing. However, I think Nancy is putting up a bit of a front. Nancy has been through an extraordinary amount of trauma over the course of the show. Trauma that she couldn’t tell her mother about, even if she wanted to. She doesn’t want her mother to see how much she struggles, so she puts up a bit of a happier/more social face. She also isn’t exactly close to her in the first place, so it’s easier to dissuade misplaced concern and uncomfortable conversations if she hints at having more friends than she actually does. 

To circle back to your first question, I think those ‘friends’ are people she’s acquainted with at school. They’re people her mother has probably met, or knew of, because of this or that throughout the years. I don’t think they are people she hangs out with. I don’t even think I’d go as far as saying they sit together at lunch. Once her comfort people are gone in her senior year, Nancy seems more like the type to then work on the newspaper or go to the library, if that’s allowed, during lunch.

This all may be me projecting onto my favorite character, but sometimes people just don’t have friends in high school, even if they aren’t one of the bullied outcasts. Nancy genuinely seems like this is the case. She values close relationships, but doesn’t really have any. She’s lonely partially out of her own design and personality, and partially because of tragic circumstances. She retreats into herself, or into work/projects, when things get rough. She can become very driven and single-minded on an goal, making other things fall to the wayside. All this makes it difficult for her to connect to others, and probably makes her seem more intimidating to others than she actually is.

i’ve been rewatching csi from the beginning (because i’ve never been able to make it past season 9 without grissom) and i’m finally up to the end of season 7… i have like 3 episodes left and i’m SAD. this team dynamic is so special to me and i feel this slow crawl of devastation that i’m (again) witnessing the end of what has been for 7 seasons. soon sara won’t be her usually cute and passionate self (in love too) that we get see in season 7, and she’ll leave, and then warrick is going to die, and grissom will leave… and nothing will ever be the same on this show. i don’t know how to get over it. how did you do it? how do i move on? how do i mourn this team dynamic that i’ve loved for so long and get used to new variations of the team? god, i wish grissom came back for a proper full ep earlier than the freaking series finale and the new show. i’m just… not sure how to enjoy without them all 😭

hi, anon!

yours is a very heartfelt question, and, unfortunately, i am probably the wrong person to answer it, because i never really "got over" the changes to the show post-s7, either.

not gonna lie to you: i have only watched the s10-s15 era of the show once through in its entirety.

the s8 and s9 angst i can deal with in order to get to the happy gsr ending in episode 09x10 "one to go." however, i hate all later seasons of the show beyond that point with all the salt that is in me, not only because of the cast turnover but also because the writing and production values of the show changed so much as to make the series (and the remaining characters) unrecognizable.

most of the time, i just straight-up ignore the fact that those seasons exist, preferring to imagine my own canon-divergent au version of the show (starting from the end of s7) instead.

i really do not engage with them unless someone sends me an ask.

that so, i can't exactly tell you how to learn to accept the new team or get comfortable in that altered narrative landscape. i never did, on either count.

instead, my advice is this: keep in mind you're not obligated to finish watching csi if doing so isn't enjoyable to you. you fell in love with a particular group of characters, story universe, and cast dynamic, and if those things went away or ship of theseus'd themselves into a production that is fundamentally different from the one you fell in love with in every way save name, you don't have to stick around anymore.

remember: you're watching this show as a hobby, not a job.

the #1 rule of fandom is to follow your bliss, so if you're not naturally motivated to finish the series—and especially if the thought of doing so is actively causing you dread—then you don't have to force the issue.

give yourself permission to say, "for me, the series ends with episode 08x01 'dead doll' or episode 09x10 'one to go' (or wherever you want to draw your line in the sand)" and then walk away.

if you need closure, write your own au version of what happens after that point or else find some fanfic author whose vision aligns with your own. keep living blissfully in your s1-s7 happy place with the original team graveyard, where grissom is the boss and sara stays in vegas and warrick doesn't die and they all keep solving cases together until retirement.

and then don't sweat it.

you're not being a "bad fan" or letting anyone down, and there's still plenty of material in the early seasons for you to engage with.

now.

if you absolutely feel you must finish the show (for whatever reason), i guess one thing i might suggest is to engage with work from fans who genuinely enjoy the later seasons. i know there are some folks in this fandom who adore the new characters and team graveyard version 2.0. they write meta and fic and make gifsets about it, and they have a total blast doing so. hanging around their blogs might help you to find things to appreciate.

another thing you might do is give yourself permission to "cherry-pick." watch just to see what happens. if there's stuff you like, go ahead and incorporate it into your conception of the show. the rest, discard. as i said above, you're not obligated to enjoy the show in a certain way and especially not "across the board." so if you like the fact sara has mother-in-law drama but hate the fact she gets divorced? then keep the first thing and toss out the second. if canon makes a stupid-ass decision, you can elect to ignore it.

and regardless of whether you ultimately decide to finish out your watch-through or not, don't forget: the beginning of the story—i.e., those seven golden seasons you so love—will always be there, and you can return to them as often as you want. the beauty of a story is that it exists in perpetuity. grissom, catherine, warrick, nick, sara, and greg will all still be there waiting for you, and you can continue to enjoy their dynamics however you best prefer them.

good luck, anon! if you choose to continue your watch, i hope you enjoy yourself. if not, then i hope you have fun mentally setting up shop in the early seasons.

i certainly do!

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

how long would you say you've actively shipped any of your favorite ships? - im curious specifically about sorvus, sorpeli, and claudiez

I wouldn't say Sorvus is one of my faves even if I do 1) love Soren and Corvus individually, 2) Corvus is one of my favourite side characters in the whole show (like top 5) and 3) I do really like them! That being said:

Canon

For the bulk of TDP ships, canon-wise, I shipped them as their relationships were revealed (aka Harrow/Sarai with the info we got in S1, Claudia/Terry with the info we get in S4, Runaan/Ethari back when he was known as 'Tinker' thanks to the S1 credit sketch, etc).

For Janaya, I shipped them from the first time they met in S2, since "rival intellectually and physically matched generals on the battlefield" along with both being very pretty is a decently long-ish homoerotic trend in literature (aka a production I saw of "Coriolanus" really leaned in on it, although I think I saw that pre-S2's release. Applies though)

For Rayllum, I shipped them pre-show even if I was also down to brotp them. They'd be travelling together, thus having plenty of time to develop an interesting dynamic / were around the same age, and the screencap released before the premiere of them sitting under the tree (Callum, distracted but eager, and Rayla, exasperated and fond) really drew me in since that's a ship type - dynamic and gender wise (I don't tend to love ships where the guy is the more grumpy/guarded one, I think, since women are so often forced to do More of the emotional labour in relationships Anyway) - I'm already Very susceptible to. I tried to hold off a little bit in early S1 cause I didn't want to ship them too hard, but then 1x05 came along with the boat scene and it was Over for me. They've had my heart ever since (5 years going on forever)

Requested Rarepairs

Sorvus

So I didn't really ship Sorvus (although I was never opposed to them) for the majority of the time post-S3. I didn't really ship Soren with anyone and preferred Gren/Corvus at that time (due to their personalities / closer dynamic to Amaya and therefore each other) as well as enjoying Corvus/Opeli. However I was also really hoping that Corvus would stay on the council/with Ezran, and figured that if Soren was going to end up with anyone, Corvus was probably the most realistic choice (shared goals, decent development, timeskip to help things, similar ages).

That said I still didn't actively ship them (like I didn't mind them but was completely impassive/neutral y'know?) until I wrote an interaction between them in "if heaven and hell decide" (a canon divergent S2 where Claudia and Soren decide to delay their betrayal of the trio, and therefore travel with them for much longer) and the fact that Corvus would see Soren at his worst in canon (S2) but also see and appreciate who Soren was becoming... I started to turn a corner and grew to ship them a lot more. I'm really excited for them to eventually be canon, it seems, even if they're not My Endgame for either character In My Head for years-post war, at least for now.

Claudiez

For aged up Claudia/Ezran, I think this post (dated July 2021) was when I started to ship these two. There was something about the interplay of Claudia telling Callum about Harrow's death, but he only seeks out comfort from Rayla, and Ezran rejecting Rayla's offered comfort about Harrow and instead accepting it from Claudia, that felt very apt to me? And then a couple weeks later I wrote my formal "I actually do ship Claudiez and here's why" meta so it's been a few years now!

Both the younger sibling uniquely given their father's mantle to carry in ways their older brother just doesn't have to; Ezran being connected to all nature while Claudia continually perverts it, thus Ezran having the relationship to nature that she needs to learn/acquire for her own healing additionally; they both see the throne as a tool to help and breaking their fathers' cycles with each other; the childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers of an according slow burn because of said age gap; ending up as Queen of Katolis but not the way her father imagined and ending up with one of the brothers, just not the one everyone previously expected; Ezran getting to grow up and into his own and assert his independence and choices (no matter what his brother thinks about it), etc. I also think personality wise they suit each other - Terry's parallels to Ezran in personality are some of the reasons I think Clauderry works at least as a short term pairing.

It's also kinda perfect bc, since they'd only get together like 10-15 years post the end of the show Anyway, so like. they're Endgame to me no matter what and there's nothing canon can really do about it, #improvise adapt overcome.

Sorpeli

This probably started out as the truest crack ship because it started as a joke of like, Soren flirting with her at 20 and easy to dismiss and then again when he's 30 and Opeli is like "I deserve a little fun," so they start having a physical fling, and then catch feelings (Soren falls first, she falls harder). The earliest post I have for them is from May 6th 2023 but I know realistically I'd probably shipped them for a lot longer (what can I say, younger men not being put off my older women aging bc society is bullshit, and contrasting personalities + devoted man & woman who feels undeserving will always get me) before I ever had mind to say anything. Then I dragged @jelzorz into it and the rest, they say, is history. So like 1.5 years at least now?

I'd probably be even more into Sorpeli than I already am but I'm not unconvinced that Opeli won't die (I really hope she doesn't, but I do understand how it could benefit Ezran's narrative in particular) but like if all seasons pass by and she's alive? Canon crack quartet with Endgame Rayllum, Claudiez, Sorpeli, and CorTerry is a go <3

TLDR;

Rayllum before the show started, Janaya in S2, everything else when the ships got introduced, then next we have Claudiez (July 2021), Sorvus (casually since Oct 2021), and Sorpeli (late 2022/early 2023).

Lots of people are coming out with their best shows/movies/anime etc. of the year, and since you have such impeccable taste I'd love to hear yours! Only if it's okay ofc! Have a wonderful rest of 2022 and great 2023!

ok this is the only end of year reflection i have the capacity to do tonight, lemme thiiink ummm it was a big year for things tbh!!! I'll just ramble i guess, first up...

TV SHOWS

SEVERANCE: possibly the best first season of a show I've ever seen, and absolutely the best s1 finale of a show I've ever seen, huge ups to @tricktster for recommending it. you've probably heard it a million times but if you haven't, GO WATCH SEVERANCE, it lives up to the hype.

THE REHEARSAL: the magic trick that this show pulls is so bizarre and unprecedented it's like. impossible for me to even talk about. the entire time watching it i was gaping at my tv in open disbelief. it does and says so much in the wildest ways possible I'm still obsessed.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S4: three words, Baby Colin Robinson

ANDOR: I'm not a star wars guy at allll. not even a little bit. my expectations have never been high. but when i saw @variastrix loving it up on my dash i was like okaaay and holy shit. SO good. the prison arc especially was just like OUUUGHH THEMES AND DIALOGUE OFF THE CHARTS!!!

ANIME

SPY X FAMILY: what's especially fun is that we were in Japan while the second part of the season was dropping and Anya was fucking eeeeverywhere!!! everyone agrees with me cannot get ENOUGH of that funny little girl!!! best execution of fake dating trope everr the more convoluted the better.

MOB PSYCHO 100 III: ......like. c'mon what is there to even say. what's there to saaaaay! it's in my top 3 anime ever! the subversion of shonen anime has basically ruined all other stereotypical anime for me forever because it's just. so much better. so much funnier and more poignant to watch the most powerful boy ever strive to be a better person. i love that little guy and his silly conman role model

MOVIES

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE: i feel the same way about this movie as anyone else. saw the trailer, hooked instantly, then when i actually watched it i walked out going "this is the greatest movie I've ever seen??????" insanely shot, cast incredible, the whole premise simultaneously huge as a multiverse and small as an immigrant couple in a laundromat. this movie defined my cosmic outlook on life. that nothing matters, so we should make the most out of what and who we love. in any other year this would've been my far and away fave. but then came:

NOPE: you guys follow me. you've heard it already. this movie ..... this..... FUCKING MOVIE.... haunted me from the moment i saw that chimp covered in blood. it scared me so bad i wasn't even sure if i liked it but then i thought and kept thinking AND I THOUGHT AND KEPT THINKING AND I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING this movie this god damn movie. it's a social commentary, it's a blockbuster popcorn hit, it's about animals, it's about people, it's a creature feature, it's funny, it's glorious to look at it's glorious and i love it so so much. Jean jacket really is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

GAMES:

VAMPIRE SURVIVORS: this game is like if you broke gaming down to it's purest chemical form and injected it directly into your bloodstream. it's a game that might be perfect in its simplicity. it's also really funny that i can be a stinky old garlic man, i like that a lot. it's free on mobile what are you waiting for.

HORIZON FORBIDDEN WEST: i feel so fucking bad for this series not once, but TWICE releasing at the same time as two of the greatest games literally ever made (i still have to beat elden ring oops) because i love these games SO MUCH! they scratch a very particular itch for me which is plenty of upgradable weapons/armor for me to chase, incredibly in depth lore, and post apocalyptic robot dinosaurs. literally no notes. i love games like this that're like "we know what you want. you want to kill a spinosaurus with a bow and arrow and afterwards treat yourself to some incredible American vistas, here, take it, enjoy." it's an incredibly Me game. probably my goty if measured by how much fun i had playing it.

ALBUMS:

BRONCO BY ORVILLE PECK: the biggie. life changer. this beat out pony for me. makes me wanna be a lonesome cowboy in the Rockies so fucking bad i can taste it. like....im already thiiiis close to being a lonesome cowboy in the Rockies and when i listen to curse of the blackened eye on my morning walk, looking at the snow capped mountains, I'm there. I'm a cowboy baby. also saw him live and sobbed he's insane, the talent, he's just showing off he's nuts.

LAST NIGHT IN THE BITTERSWEET BY PAOLO NUTINI: through the echoes specifically. came up randomly in a mixed playlist and swiveled my head so fucking fast. one of my favorite artist finds of the year.

NOPE OST BY MICHAEL ABELS: that's right bitch nope gets featured TWICE, idc!!!

DANCE FEVER BY FLORENCE + THE MACHINE: this is the album to finally get me into Florence + the machine, before i was just into the hits but this album.... King? FREE???? DAFFODIL???????? good god welch

THINGS IN GENERAL

mfucking!!!!!!!!!

FISH!!!!!!!!!! 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟💙💙💙💙✌️✌️✌️🥰🥰🥰🥰🐠🐠🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🦈🦈🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

During dsmp s1, I was not a c!dream apologist. I thought he was a really cool character but I could not excuse his actions (same goes for other characters). I didn't really interact with the lorehead side of the fandom so I didn't really see how the rest of the subblrs treated dreblr. I may not agree with dreblr on some parts of the lore but reading how they were treated breaks my heart cause you guys are genuinely some of the nicest people I've seen, especially you Loyal. Your tags on fanart are always encouraging and your chicken posts are always so heart warming. I haven't been following you for long but its been very enjoyable. I'm sorry that alot of the fandom treats you like shit cause you don't deserve it :/ hopefully s2 of dsmp will drive away the more toxic people. Sending some good vibes your way ✨ 💜

it's funny because i never really did the whole 'sub tumblr' thing. i joined tumblr forever ago, there really wasn't anything like that, you know?

and i got some really weird hate for my c!techno takes because i joined fandom in the height of 'techno has a victim complex' takes and i was very vocal against them. it was a lot of the c!dream fans that stuck up for me the most.

when i started to post more about him and doomsday trio (my everything), it got worse and even though i still never really considered myself a part of dreblr, they literally always went to bat for me. i'd say that they defended me even for the c!techno hate i got even more than any techno-centric blogs ever did.

there's plenty of good people in the fandom, there really are! i think most people are good people, even the ones who haven't been so kind to me. sometimes that happens. sometimes we have off days. sometimes we fall into that trap of 'it's okay if it's this group'.

like, overall, i think everyone has the capability to be good and i have hope things will get better! and i'm extremely thankful for all the people who have stood up for me, people like blockgamepirate and others who aren't a part of dreblr, and definitely the people in dreblr who also have to deal with awful harassment but always make a point to stand up for me. <3 <3

and i'm thankful for people like you, too! it does a lot knowing people take time out of their day to send kind messages when they don't have to. <3 <3 thank you so much!

Enjoyed your post about empathy for Nate! You've given me a new perspective on the Roy piece especially - I've always understood Nate feeling replaced by him, but not why Nate didn't respond to his praise. I still can't wrap my mind around what Nate thinks he's doing to win Ted back, though. Wouldn't you try to do that by emulating Ted's kindness?? Yes, he liked the attention he got by roasting the players in Liverpool, but he had plenty of attention before that!

I'm happy to hear that post may have given you new perspective. That's certainly my hope when I write meta, so I really appreciate you saying so! In answer to your question, Nate is trying to get back the attention that he had, so naturally he's going to try to replicate what seemed to get Ted's attention in S1. I think that Nate has no reason to believe his kindness is what made Ted pay attention to him in the first place. Ted primarily validates Nate in S1 for his football knowledge, and he encourages Nate to be confident and assured, not especially kind. And what does Ted say they need in 2x05? It isn't kindness; he says they need a big dog. Does Ted ever really give Nate positive attention for being kind? Even in S2, when Nate was starting to act fairly unkind, Ted never suggests that he change. He's pretty hands-off with guiding Nate through the kind of leadership he expects, so I don't know if it's that surprising Nate doesn't know what to do except what seems to have worked for him in the past.

I think Nate understandably assumes Ted likes him and pays attention to him for his football strategies and that being confident and tough like Roy is the recipe for success. We see Nate work very hard in S2 to grow at these things. He works hard to come up with successful strategies, to carry himself with confidence and assurance, to speak up for himself. In fact, it's easy to see how pushing himself harder and harder to make these qualities more extreme in order to win back Ted's approval could speed him along the toxic path he ends up taking by the end of the season. I doubt Nate could see clearly through his feelings of abandonment and insecurity to work out that his football strategies are just one of the things Ted appreciates and loves about Nate. Naturally, he thinks that he needs to be more successful at the stuff that got him Ted's attention at the beginning.

I imagine his headspace in S2 is something like: If I can be strong, powerful and successful, I'll be worthy of love (Ted's, and by proxy, his dad's). But it doesn't work; like Nate says in 2x12, "The more I did, the less you cared; it was like I was invisible." It's not spelled out in canon, so we don't know exactly when Nate stopped wanting to win Ted back and started feeling like there was nothing he could to make that happen, but I think at some point toward the second half of S2, he started thinking you know what, maybe I don't care; maybe I don't want his attention! Maybe I don't need it anymore! I don't know when exactly he goes from one mental state to the other, but I think you could argue he starts being disillusioned with Ted's whole approach when Ted laughs at him, and maybe sometime during 2x07 he starts thinking that he doesn't need Ted's (or his dad's) attention and validation, now that he's starting to be recognized by other external sources.

i've been thinking a lot about that [disgusting] scene in s1 when dr. jacoby goads bobby into crying / into saying that laura Wanted To Corrupt People, out of bitterness or spite. firstly, you can't trust anything there, because he is a grown man who is throwing a fit because he is jealous that he didn't get to fuck this kid's girlfriend. who was his patient. and a high school student. secondly, this is one of few areas where bobby wouldn't really know what laura was like: he's the one who introduced her into that world. why would she try to spare him from something he was already a part of? she didn't 'make' him do anything; they were on completely equal footing. he knows that, realistically.

(she did laugh at him for saying he loved her the first time they had sex. it was for depressing reasons --- and also, laura just laughs when she's nervous --- but she did do that, according to the diary. i never want to seem like i'm trying to absolve her of everything she's ever done. bobby's undeniably got plenty to work through there. just preferably ... with a therapist who didn't get his degree out of a cereal box. and isn't obsessed with teenagers.)

anyway, here's the real post.

the thing that's so unbearably bad about that take? laura is obsessive about not corrupting anyone. like, yeah, she doesn't want people to judge her, but she can deal with that. she doesn't lead a 'double life' because she's afraid of not being liked. she --- insofar as it's within her control, at least --- leads a 'double life' because she believes she's poisonous. literally. to the extent that she's convinced that if you so much as borrow her clothes, she'll contaminate you with her essence. that she will make you 'bad'. like her.

(don't worry. we are getting her therapy for that ocd.)

she is trying so, so hard to hang onto anything good and 'pure' within her life that she feels she can get away with (i.e. it won't get anyone killed). she doesn't put so much work into separating The Bad Laura from donna because she's ashamed of her: she's trying to protect her. she doesn't want her to change because of her. she doesn't want her put into situations where she'll be pressured into doing anything. by anybody. when she says "i don't want you to be like me", it's not petty and it isn't hollow: she wants her to have choices that she never had. she doesn't get annoyed when donna brings up losing her virginity because she thinks she's being juvenile: she's upset because she assumes (correctly!) that donna is talking about sex to try to impress her, and she can't stand that. she can't stand that donna's already dating a boy she doesn't like just to stay close to her because he's bobby's best friend. like she feels like she has to.

she doesn't want to 'corrupt' james, either! she has no desire to change him in any way! it's pretty clear that he sets the pace and tone of their relationship! like, i talk shit, but he is not a joke to her. she is with him because she is so relieved that for once in her life, she gets to be a 'normal girl'. that she can have a sexual / romantic place where she isn't expected to be (on some level or another) the "bad laura". like, yeah, their relationship is toxic in other ways --- he is ultimately very judgmental, however well-meaning --- but it moves laura that he thinks she could be worthwhile at all without the drugs and the sex and all of that. that he thinks there'd still be a person left to love. she needs to hear that. she needed to hear a lot of things from a lot of people --- ideally, none of them This Random Guy --- but we can only work with what we have.

anyway. don't listen to grown white men who live in twin peaks. especially when they are saying things to or about children. is the thing