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sturniolo04 · 2 months

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Carsick

A/n: this is my first post ever!!

Pairing: Bf!Matt x Fem!Reader

Summary: in which you are on a road trip with the triplets and you get carsick

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Chris,Nick, you and your boyfriend were all getting ready to take a roadtrip down to boston to see their parents since we had been in LA awhile. You started making your way downstairs carrying your stuff to have Matt pack in the van for your guys road trip

here i will help you with this

its okay matt i literally have my backpack and my one suitcase i got it

You exclaimed admiring your caring boyfriend trying to take your backpack off of your shoulder

oh for fucks sake y/n let your boyfriend carry your suitcase for you so he can feel important

fine

We finally got situated in our proper seats in the van as Matt began the journey. Not going to lie you was distracting yourself from the uncomfortableness you were currently feeling in your stomach halfway on the road by listening to music with your AirPods. You think Matt finally knew something was up first seeing you weren’t as talkative as you normally were and seeing that the uncomfortablness turned into pain and again you never had been put in a situation to test to see if you had any kind of car sickness.

you okay n/n

he stated looking at me through the mirror. You just simply nodded your head not wanted to talk and use words for fear you might actually have carsickness and god forbid you throw up in front of Matt, that would be so embarrassing. You finally decided to fall asleep to sleep the pain away you was feeling as nick lightly tapped on your shoulder before you could fall asleep to ask if you was okay with a simple nod you drifted off to sleep which you believed would help.

Fast forward a few hours later you woke up feeling overwhelming nausea looking around to see what everyone was doing. of course matt was driving and intensely focusing on the road while nic was fully asleep and chris was scrolling on his phone. It was currently 11pm and you had no idea how close we were to boston all you knew was that you wanted this car ride to be over already.

You sat up slightly grabbing your waterbottle to take a drink of water and let’s just say it wasnt a good decision whatsoever. As soon as you sat up and drank the water you felt the need to throw up. You quickly looked around in the pitch black van in the backseat to find anything to throw up in not wanting to throw up in the van or make matt pull over because you dont want him to see you be sick.

Your eyes quickly landed on a mcdonalds bag and just in time you quietly leaned down behind chris' seat throwing up in the bag

y/n what are you doing are you kicking my seat

he huffs out as matt slightly peaked over his shoulder to see his girlfriend puking her guts out in an old McDonalds bag from their lunch earlier that day

y/n are you throwing up

You said sitting up a little which was an instant regret which only caused you to act like you weren’t going to throw up again.

You slightly gasped for air in an attempt to keep everything down as matt continued to make switching eye contact with you in which you were clearly struggling behind him

Nick is there another bag back there

he asked his brother as he was just waking up

no why

he asks looking at chris then you

Y/n is acting like she didnt just get sick in a mcdonalds bag

guys I think-

You trails off as chris turns around in his seat and matt peeks over his shoulder

are you going to be sick again

he asks as you just continue to breathe deeply trying to hold it together holding onto nic's shoulder to steady yourself

im pulling over

no matt im fine

You states lying

y/n its literally okay we were going to stop anyway

he replies as matt pulls into the nearest gas station parking as you climb out of the van and go over and throw up in the trashcan as matt makes his way over to you rubbing your back until she finished

Oh my god thats so embarrassing

What is?

you watched me throw up matt thats so gross

Matt: what n/n youre my girlfriend i dont care

he states as you cover your face with your hands as he pulls you into a hug resting his head on top of yours

you want some gum?

he asked as you nodded your head as he pulled away and grab some from the van

Do you think you are going to be okay my love? We only have a couple more hours to go

a couple hours matt

You whine getting nervous again knowing you are probably going to be sick again diagnosing yourself

hey just tell me when you need to be sick and i will pull over okay

okay

You state quietly pulling your hands into the hoodie you were wearing which you stole from matt

im serious n/n promise me

okay okay i promise

plus i dont want the van to smell like puke you know

he states you playfully push him and he brings you back into a hug.

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herboretum · 28 days

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since i’m full of hatred and negativity i will be answering this

(to emphasize Like these are just nuances and inconsistencies i’ve found with myself and the fandom Like genuinely idrgaf i could care less about any of the points i will make in retrospect)

the anthropomorphization of unpleasant from this fandom has genuinely WRECKED its character and made it. not that unique compared to the other npcs. like i dont know it being this like fucking gooner-type character is so awful? and i really hate it? if anything that trope given to unpleasant should have stayed with scag and ended with her, since she’s a genuine npc with more writing and thoughts attached

i saw people bring up this point again and im glad but HELLO!!!!! LETS STOP JUST ASSOCIATING LAMPERT AS WALLTER AND MARK'S SON? EVEN WHEN IT HAS BEEN DISCREDITED /MULTIPLE/ TIMES? like DAMN this fandom only attributes characteristics if it is attached to literally anyone else besides that person. its horrible. people NEED to learn to find the balance between having fun with that headcanon while also acknowledging lampert as his own separate person that is (to be quite frank) not even associated with them that much in canon

(+ people saying that the headcanon of lampert being wallmark's son is canon and fucking REPLYING saying to people who ship wallter & lampert or mark & lampert that they shouldn't. you are fucking embarrassing)

more of a fandom thing but yall ship too much lmfaoo. like guys i promise, you can interpret some of these relationships as genuine friendships i promise you'll live. can we stop with the rhetoric that just because two characters have good dynamics with each other that means that theyre in love (heavily side-eyeing protoscag and lampfected and milby dare i say)

the regretevator fandom is EXACTLY like the phighting fandom with how shipping is handled. i mean this in not a positive way

people gotta stop relying on the wiki for information man. so much lore from yeucc's tumblr has been retconned and at this point, when there's now WRITERS for the game that are actually keeping tabs, all if not the good majority of what is said on the wiki should be taken with a grain of salt. nowadays the lore is unpredictable, and only a select few (by few i mean like. 4 out of the 17 npcs) has had their lore expanded on significantly

general facts i think is fine so long as theres an annotation backing it but my point still stands . moreso with lore generally

also saw this point being brought up in the qrts but the demonization and infantilization of certain characterss (cough spud pilby pest and poob) is like. wild. i dunno i can't say much since i'm very fortunate enough to not have seen that much but my god is it prevalent from what people are saying

with pest especially since he has npd and aspd i do think that. people generally associating him as evil has NOT been the greatest thing, especially since it reduces him to a stigma of people with personality disorders which is horrific and terrifying. idk what goes on in the background but i feel like the fandom + yeucc & the people working on regretevator should have done more research on the disorders and consulted people who do have these issues better instead of using those labels haphazardly

another thing i will and always will be vocal (dog on) about the axosun team is them keeping gnarpy. like there was no reason to keep xem in other than for revenue gain let's be honest and True to ourselves. the philosophy "ohh but you can separate the art from the artist!!!!" i feel does not really apply to this scenario cause xe got a whole ass revamp despite the obvious fact that it STILL is gnarpy, a character created by a bad person regardless of the ownership change and discredited history. its the underlying thought that they were essentially built off a bad origin if this makes any sense. idk i think it wouldve been better for everyone if xe were just removed ENTIRELY from the game but. you do you i guess

lastly in this essay: i think more people should Be Kinder to each other in this fandom <3 peace and love

#v.rambles #just my squicks with the game/fandom #again most of these idgaf on like im just dogging on em for fun take my hot takes with a grain of salt #its just sometimes . i do wish i could go back to how this fandom used to be #semi popular but mostly unknown

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demoiselettes · 1 year

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HIII!! :D 💞

I was wondering if I could request a Sanemi x Fem! Reader who has bad anxiety and Sanemi comforts her when she has a panic attack?

Sanemi who comforts is the BEST 💕💍

I’m not sure if you want it to be specific or not because if you do it whatever way you want I will love it either way! I HONESTLY DONT CARE IF ITS MODERN AU OR NOT I LOVE SANEMI SO MUCH EEEEEEEEEE 😭💕💕💕💕

If you need an idea here is one!

The reader has bad anxiety and constantly is worrying. She doesn’t want to place the burden on Sanemi for him to worry about but he can tell something is wrong. So one day he comes home and finds her having a panic attack and he comforts her and Swaddles her in a bunch of blankets, placing soft kissed on her face and shushing her worry’s away. BASICALLY JUST ANY COMFORTING AAAAA

To make it juicy maybe he comes home mad and THATS the reason she gets the panic attack!! And he realizes he made her panic.

For a modern au situation maybe they are roommates for collage and they have an apartment together so he helps with her anxiety then. 🙀

Literally just any comfort where Sanemi helps the reader who has anxiety 😭

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS! 💞 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT AND MAKE SURE TO STAY HYDRATED AND DONT OVER WORK YOURSELF!!!!

Don’t feel rushed at all and if you don’t want to that’s okay! I just wanted to take my chance and hope that you will do it!

BYE BYEE 💕💕

In his arms

Pairing: Sanemi x reader

Category: angst to fluff

Warning(s)/note(s): fem! Reader, panic attacks, lmk if i missed anything

A/n: HIIII! I loved this request sm cause i really needed to write some good ol’ comfort and i’ve been craving Nemi 🥹 i went with the Taisho Era au itself, i hope you don’t mind! And thank you sm for the kind words!! 💕💗💗💗💗 also i’m so sorry this took a while to write, i’ve beeb low on motivation :(

The house was quiet.

Sanemi kicked off his sandals and padded inside. He craned his neck in search of you, looking everywhere. It was normal for you to rush and greet him when he came back from a mission. Your absence weighed on him, and the grip around the hilt of his sword tightened.

Pulse pounding in his ears, he rounded the estate, heading towards the engawa that was built at the back. He felt his blood boil, and his stomach churned. He already envisioned your dead body. He already smelt the blood. Tasted the anguish.

But you weren’t dead. Sanemi nearly cried when he saw you idly swinging your legs over the raised platform. Your head was lowered and you seemed to be playing with the sleeve of a haori. Oh. He felt blood rush to his face when he realized you were wrapped in his haori. With an embarrassed sigh, he advanced towards you to scold you for nearly giving him a heart attack and maybe chide you for taking his clothes, even though his chest was warm with adoration. But the closer he got the more he realized you were trembling. He frowned, crouching down in front of you to have a better look at your face. You jolted slightly when you registered his presence, but you offered a smile that didn’t match your haunted eyes.

“Welcome back! How was your mission?”

He didn’t like how small your voice was. It had a slight tremble to it but you concealed it well.

“What’s wrong?”

You blinked. “Nothing. Why?“

He sighed. “Cut the bullshit. Something happened, you’re not okay.”

You absentmindedly pulled the haori closer around you. “No, no.. everything’s alright. I’m just feeling ti-“

“Don’t lie, c’mon.” He frowned up at you. “Did anyone say shit to you? Who do i need to kill?”

You laughed weakly. “Nobody. I’m simply under the weather, ‘Nemi. Oh, and.. sorry for taking your haori.” You sheepishly began sliding it off your body, but he gripped your shoulders to stop you and instead pulled it back on.

“You’re not hiding anything from me, huh?” He asked nonchalantly.

You grimaced. He could see your facade crumbling. You didn’t like lying to him, he knew.

Your moment of hesitance sealed his conclusion and he let himself slide onto the engawa next to you, his arm wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you closer.

He gingerly bumped his head against yours. His hair tickled your ear. “Talk to me.”

“I’ve just- been sort of anxious. I’m used to it.”

“You aren’t supposed to be used to it. What got you worked up?”

You shrugged. “I can’t tell. It feels like it’s.. everything? I’m worried about you, me..” you wrung your hands. “The anxiety just creeps up on me. And when it does i can’t stop it.”

Sanemi understood, of course he did. His world is filled with demons and death looms at every corner. But in his chase for those monsters, he forgot that you are also affected despite not being a demon slayer. He never realized that you simply knowing what his job is might cause you just as much harm as it causes him. Mentally, if not physically.

“You’re shaking.” He murmured. “How long has this been going on?”

You pursed your lips. “A while.”

A while could mean many things. And Sanemi knew from your hesitance that it meant a long time. The guilt for not noticing suddenly weighed on his chest like an elephant.

“Why have you never talked to me about it?” It was meant to be a rhetorical question and so before you answered, you were nestled on his lap. One hand remained on your back while the other came to rest on your thighs.

“You were busy and.. i didn’t want to bother you with it,”

He liked how distracted your voice was. You kept your eyes on his hand atop your thighs and he knew you were getting flustered. Already, your body was shaking less.

“You’re not a bother. You’re my wife, [Name]. I’d appreciate it if you told me what was bothering you.” He flicked your forehead.

The corners of your lips twitched upwards. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll tell you next time.”

There won’t be a next time, Sanemi thought. But he remained quiet. With you this close to him, he could feel your shaky breaths, labored. Something must have triggered you while he was away. It’d caused you to panic more than usual and the only place you’d find solace in was the engawa where— a ball lodged itself in his throat. Where you’d both kissed for the first time. And you were wearing his haori.

His hold on you only tightened.

He guided your head to lay on his chest, relishing at the feeling of having you in his arms. You were safe. You were safe. He swirled the words in his mind, running a hand through your hair.

“Hey.. i love you.” You spoke. “Thanks for this. All of this.”

It was wrong for you to thank him when he should be thanking you for ever giving him love. But he lifted your chin up nonetheless and pressed his lips to yours. It was a silent promise to take better care of you and an apology for being clueless. He’d let you keep the haori too.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #nanako’s blues #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader fluff #sanemi x reader angst #sanemi x y/n #sanemi x you

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munamania · 4 months

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so right a couple of my film friends and i met last night to do wine and glee and i left and tried to catch a bus in our gross rainy cold weather and so when it finally comes im just like zoo wee mama my glasses r fogging up and all that shit. but who of course is on the bus but my one friend the main perpetrator of acting like im some flaky cunt (rant city below)

so i guess technically this wouldnt look great on my part bc i was obviously Somewhere and had been ignoring the group chat making plans but oh my GOD whatever who careessssss who Cares. so im like fucking phenomenal ok walk back Omg hi and she moves her shit so i can sit and i get settled and am like hey. and she asks what i was up to and ofc when i say anything bc this is fucking awkward shes just got this stupid smug little smile but i was just sitting there like bitch im not gonna sit here and act embarrassed for seeing my other friends so i was just like So are u guys doing x tn and shes like mhm yep are you coming and i was like well gee i dont know. sarcastic shrug. make conversation about the timing of the place for a second kinda jokin then awk silence

and so then because im a chill normal adult and am aware that shes about to go meet the group of friends and no matter what this interaction is going to be brought up and i had been planning on composing a levelheaded text but i just said Look im sorry that i ghosted you guys (and shes again smug smiling nodding next to me. girl.) i just honestly got tired of feeling like im being singled out and judged when i cant make it to something and she literally is just like Well im sorry you feel that way just u know we do try to come up w different days etc (if u like me are bad at reading between the lines this was a non apology and defense based on uh Nothing) and i was like right well ik last semester wasnt great it's just that sometimes i feel like im being shunned in the group chats when no one answers or reacts to anything i say and the other day when you said like. yk the 'could u commit' thing that felt really sort of condescending

and shes like again well im sorry u felt that way i was just trying to find another day that u could actually make it cause i wanted us all to be there so im not really sure how that came across as condescending but um yeah. and i, jackass that i am (<3) pulled out my phone and pointed and said Well u see we didnt have actual plans and in fact no one answered when i said anything abt it and yk things come up and so for me to have sent this whole nice thing and just get 'do you think youd be able to commit' in response felt a little bit needlessly mean (and i also tried to earnestly say at some point in all this that i genuinely do love and care for them and want to see them but yk this Sucks and was just bad timing)

THEN we somehow spin into her going Well i just had no idea this was even a thing until you brought it up just now i mean i wasnt even thinking abt it ive never really thought that of you etc and so then im sitting here feeling like im being gaslit in real time not to be dramatic and i felt very much like when i was in high school and people manipulated me bc i was a very easy target (its not that real but w/e) and so im like Ok be calm but dont just like let that slide cause girl be serious (prob should have but what ever) so i was like well you know i do apologize if i just couldnt tell your intent over text, but after you guys never answered me about hanging out and then the short responses like maybe u can kind of see where i felt like you were being rude (didnt say it quite that bluntly w/e)

and she pulls out the big card. the. well i just think youre being defensive. oh years and years of being the youngest and punished for um having feelings lmfao slammed me in my chest at that moment. and i calmly said Okay cool i think youre being defensive. and i lit missed my bus stop cause this driver was swerving so then i was just like Well you guys have fun maybe ill see you tonight bye. so. really feeling awesome abt the state of that. in all reality tho it's like i hung out w some friends and then went out to the gay bar w others and danced and etc and i can only imagine how much of a Thing this was for them so. if someone could win it'd be me right

(on another note at some point during this ride sams roommate requested to follow me back <3 which i had been pretending not to think abt for the last couple hours) anyway

this has been a post let me know if im being normalish

#abby talks

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jjstein2 · 1 year

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idk if ive ever talked about this but i really like the idea of henrik and chase fucking. i dont see them being like an 'endgame' ship or whatever BUT it is very canon that chase has a big ole crush on henrik. but its more in the "oh wow hes hot and mean but is nice to me" and less of being actually in love.

id like to think chase accidentally lets it slip that he finds henrik very sexually attractive but hes really scared to act on his feelings cause he doesnt like the fact that hes attracted to men. so chase is all flustered and embarrassed but henrik is like. yeah its been painfully obvious this whole time you want to fuck me.

but henrik isnt offended or weirded out, and well. they do start making out a little, and chase hasn't ever kissed a man in his life up until this point and its just. a lot for him. he didnt expect it to feel so good, and he never thought he'd get to have this with henrik. and being this close, feeling henriks warm hands on his sides and his tongue in his mouth is making him really desperate all the sudden, making him pant and shake and whine. he doesn't even realize he had started grinding against the other man until henrik breathily says they should probably get off the couch and go back to his bedroom, if chase is okay with it.

obviously chase really, really wants henrik to fuck him, he wants it more than anything, but hes still really scared, still carrying shame about how he feels and how really, he has no clue what hes doing. but henrik is very nice with him, going slow and easy, nice and careful so chase doesnt get hurt or uncomfortable.

the whole time chase is very shy and cant stop hiding his face in the sheets, in his hands, in the crook of henriks shoulder. he whimpers and whines when hen starts easing into him, not really used to the feeling but still kinda enjoying it. henrik tells him that its okay, hes okay, hes doing very good, he can make noise if he wants to, hes so good, its okay.

it takes a bit but it stops feeling weird and starts feeling really, really good. chase moans and gasps and holds onto henrik tight while he rocks into him, praising him softly. they both eventually stop worrying and really start enjoying this, chase very quietly begging for more and henrik gasping and keening in his ear, going deeper and harder until chase is basically crying.

henrik finally coaxes chase into letting go and coming for him, and fuck, when he shakes and squeaks and finally cums with a choked groan, nails digging into the other man, it only takes a few more thrusts for henrik to peak too.

then they lay there, bodies plastered together and trying to catch their breaths. henrik gently kisses chases sweaty and tear-stained face, telling him how well he did, how good he felt, if anything hurts, if he needs anything. chases brain is literally fried at this point and hes so fucked-out he just kinda wants to fall asleep right there in henriks arms, which henrik is perfectly fine with.

#ego shipping #schneeplebro #nsft #and then they wake up and realize they never cleaned up afterward and now theyre all gross lol #also this was supposed to be a single paragraph blurb. but as u can see. i have many thoughts about this

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star-girl69 · 4 months

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIRL YOU GOT ME DOING BACK FLIPS ISTGD.

I'm literally fangirling soooooo hard rn you don't understaaaaaaanddddd. ❤️❤️❤️❤️I feel like I'm about to like explode or smthg like damn.

I can't say I will ever truly understand how you're feeling but I want you to know that how you feel is so so so so valid. I wish there was a way that I could reassure you that you are amazing, your work is out of this world and you have people who love you and appreciate you.

Literally when I see that you have posted something(notifications always on for you honey) I start smiling at my phone like an actual idiot omg its not even funny the way you could ask for anything and I would do it twice for good measure. I hope you know that we are patient and we will always have gratitude for the people who take the time to give us wonderful content. We are also understanding and I hope you don't feel pressured to be constantly producing. We can and we will wait always. You taking care of yourself should always be priority.

I believe in you. ❤️

- ❤️

(oop I didn't mean to get heavy but I always mean everything I say)

(Is that a challenge????? Honey prepare to be admired ferociously ❤️lightwork is talking about you cause all I have to do is look in my heart fr fr)

(I will always be here to talk ❤️❤️trust)

(virtual hug cause that's the only way I know how to comfort😭😭)

THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING I THREW MY PHONE INTO MY FACE BY ACCIDENT AND HIT MY TOOTH BC I WAS SO EXCITED TO READ THIS WHAT THE HELL

anyways.

NOOOOOOO DONT EXPLODE 😔💔💔

oh my god. you seriously have me giggling and kicking my feet LIKEEE idk. i don’t know what to say I FEEL SO BAD but like i’m smiling so hard rn and just THANK YOU

no your words are MORE than enough this makes me so happy and makes me so excited to write more trust!!!

AWWWW HOW YOU HAVE NOTIFS ON IS SO SWEET I CANT

YOU BELIEVING IN ME MEANS SO MUCH I CANT EVEN ARTICULATE IT LIKE I WOULDNT KNOW WHERE TO START JUST AHHHHH 🤭🤭🤭

(NOOOOOO it’s ok you can get as heavy as you want LMAO)

(i’m gonna ignore this second parenthesis bc my reaction to it was embarrassing but i’ll give you a hint: blushing and screaming into my pillow and clutching my heart and blushing and kicking my feet and blushing more and did i mention blushing)

(tysm ily ❤️❤️)

(i LOVE HUGS and physical touch in general i feel 10x better)

(side note but i’m making a list of all the names you call me actually new one added to the list! honey i giggled. so bad. 🤭🤭)

#addie answers stuff!!!#❤️ anon

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kusundei · 1 month

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he is the most gorgeous thing in the world to me i give up. im throwing in the towel im waving the flag. however i never put up a fight in the first place so i digress.

today was just. sooo. SOOOO. god. i knew id tweak today. knew last night and god i was truly tweaking all day but the tweak caused me to be in a calm (exhausted.) but calm mood. god hes just. the cutest thing ever i cant even. i dont understand how he likes me back and how he calls me cute when literally. look at you,,?(?? you attract all my attention. i look for you everywhere. i adore you. godforbid the other actors realize i see how they look at me (i might be crazy but i feel it. maybe thays the paranoia talking) but god seriously u r. so cute. u and ur suit. u when u stand next to me and cover the mic. u when u lay yoyr head on me. u when u get embarrassed and start tweaking (positive) im jjst so. enthralled by you. like genuinely. SERIOUSLY. the way u held my hand and i thought u were asking for the batteries cuz i got embarrassed. the way will was staring at us. JIST EVERYONE i feeeeel it. i just cant focus on anything im so distracted by you all the time i just want to stare at you forever. i cant explain jsut like how distracting you are i just. you r so. so. so. cute. everything you do. everything ab you i just adore. your smell has latched onto me and its making me crazy. GODDD its always the smell its just. i cant with you.

i should be locked in for ap sem. but i cant you jist. take up my everything. its the way my mom is telling me to go fuck myself as per usual in terms of getting a ride for the next few days but believe me. iwill. be there. i dont care if i walk the 45 minutes in the dark and my mom lashes me if it means i getto spend more time with you. hell even just being there and watching him i am. goddd. id sacrifice anything just for one more second with you. ill fail my class. ill change my schedules. maybe the expiredfood im eating rn is aiding in my delusion and such but god i am just. i am calm. and i miss you. and. i . just cant. im sooo. sososo in love with you and everything you do i will repeat it forever because it is so true and real to me. holding ur hand. the way u CARESSED MY HAND and it almost drove me insane. the way you looked at me but i know i look at you the same way. just being able to stand next to you . everything. i cherish every moment i get with you genuinely i am just. so. so happy with you. i get so nervous but you make me so happy and god honestly i love helping w the play sorry. its just like. if only this week wasnt so stressful id be having the best time of my life but dojt get me wrong i still am. im spending time with you and thats whats important to me you r just. so cute. god forbid the suittt i cant STOP. god forbid i get freaky and mention you taking it off in front of me but i just amkm. ughh. u drive me crazy. i just. want to smother you. but i am cringe. GODDD im in love with you. genuinely. i love you. so. so. soooo. much. i will sacrifice everything for you these next few days i am. having so much fun with you.

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computerkit · 1 month

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soemone whos little review things i really liked seems to have nuked like their entire internet presence like literally as i was looking at it WHICH as someone who also frequently gets the desire to nuke shit even if i dont usually DO it (satisfaction of poasting slightly outweighs dread of having poasted) i understand why and like thats fine but also it is a real bummer i cant lie. and i was thinking about how i didnt really comment or tell this person how much i liked the stuff they made even though i really liked it because frankly i felt a little overinvested and honeslty sometimes having someone really like the things you make is more anxiety inducing than anything else cause its more pressure and stuff right. many such cases among most people whos stuff i really like. anyway

when i post stuff oftentimes i get embarrassed after posting it like ugh look at me sharing this as though anyone actually cares or would read it or be invested in my opinion or things i make which first of all is stupid obviously because theres not like a minimum value limit to post and clearly i have some sort of issue BUT, secondly, i have to wonder if thats how some of the people whos stuff that i like feel, because oftentimes they dont have any huge following and probably dont know someone liks their stuff that much, if thats part of why stuff gets deleted or hidden, that sort of thing.. so anyway, i just wanted to say that even if you are not literally seeing it or hearing it, if you are putting it out there, there is probably somebody or somebodys who is a lot more invested in the things you make or say than you may think, and who would miss it if it was not there anymore. who would look through all the things youve made and hope that you will make another one. and who would feel inspired by you and take into account the things youve said or will be thinking about your stuff even when youre not even making it.

#chatterkit #maybe obvious but i felt like saying it if anyone need to hear it #anyway SHARE THAT SHIT and also if you like someones stuff then tell them probably #i could do better abut that. AND I WILL. as soon as i find a way of commenting that is not strange and/or offputting

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pesterloglog · 4 months

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Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas

Meat, page 38

DAVE: hey

DAVE: want to get drunk

KARKAT: HUH?

DAVE: i went and got all this fucking booze

KARKAT: YOU *GOT* BOOZE?

DAVE: yeah check it

KARKAT: YOU ACTUALLY WENT AND *GOT* IT.

KARKAT: LIKE, YOU LITERALLY LEFT THE HOUSE AND EXCHANGED CURRENCY WITH A REAL, LIVE PERSON TO OBTAIN ALCOHOL.

DAVE: yeah i walked into the boozery all pigeon toed and embarrassed

DAVE: like some fuckin hooch noob

DAVE: was all like yo whats the most pathetic thing you got to drink yourself to death with

KARKAT: THE BOOZERY???

DAVE: passed right by the box wine

DAVE: the bagged wine

DAVE: the shots they put in those little blister packs by the register

DAVE: the wine in the little sippy cups with the disposable plastic straws like juice for fucking babies

DAVE: i made that last one up i dont actually know anything about alcohol

DAVE: anyway two plastic soda bottles of vodka cooler seems to be about where were at right now

DAVE: i think thats what this is anyway

DAVE: i dont really care long as it gets the job done

DAVE: i decided that im an alcoholic now

KARKAT: HAVE YOU NOW.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: its never too late to develop a substance abuse problem

DAVE: ive been thinking about it for a while and it seems like its time for me to finally get on the wagon of not being on the wagon

KARKAT: THAT’S REALLY GREAT, DAVE.

DAVE: thanks

DAVE: anyway hows the inauguration

DAVE: you having a good time dwelling on every tiny little factor that cumulatively led to our electoral defeat

DAVE: and how if just one thing had been different it would have been us up there

KARKAT: UGH.

KARKAT: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW NOTHING MATTERED IN THAT CAMPAIGN BUT JAKE’S FUCKING SPEECH.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean, like

DAVE: i just keep imagining what wouldve happened if that absurd rube goldberg machine of life ruining humiliation had been stopped at any point

DAVE: maybe just being backstabbed by his endorsement alone was something we couldve recovered from with some rigorous counter campaigning

DAVE: but what if i had been fast enough to cut him off before hed even said anything

DAVE: what if i hadnt accidentally fallen on him on the stage when i was rushing over there to stop him

DAVE: what if he hadnt freaked out like i set off fireworks next to a nam vet and started trying to fucking scrum me

DAVE: what if id just backed away from his punch with my legs like a normal person instead of warping the flow of time to escape causing him to become so startled he shit his pants

DAVE: what if i hadnt gotten so visibly grossed out by the smell that even the people watching it on tv could tell what had happened

DAVE: what if he hadnt started sobbing when the audience in the front rows started throwing up

DAVE: what if wed had better security and stopped that lady from running onstage during the fracas and announcing that jake has been dodging paying child support for their 3 kids

DAVE: like what was the LINE

KARKAT: IT WASN’T... *THAT* BAD.

DAVE: you think

DAVE: yeah see thats why im an alcoholic now

DAVE: want a drink

KARKAT: IF I’M BEING PERFECTLY FUCKING HONEST

KARKAT: I’M GLAD I LOST. I NEVER WANTED TO FUCKING WIN IN THE FIRST PLACE.

DAVE: dude come on

KARKAT: NO, I’M BEING SERIOUS.

KARKAT: I’M NOT EVEN DOING SOME SOUR GRAPES “I NEVER WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE I’M A SORE LOSER TRYING TO DELUDE MYSELF INTO THINKING I DON’T CARE” SORT OF THING.

KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING CARE SINCE NOW THE PLANET IS GOING TO BE COMPLETELY RUINED BY THIS JUMPED-UP FASCIST DICTATOR WHO HAS EVERY INTENTION OF GRADUALLY GENOCIDING MY SPECIES INTO NONEXISTENCE BEFORE MY VERY EYES.

KARKAT: BUT I CANNOT FUCKING THINK OF A SINGLE THING IN THE UNIVERSE I WANTED TO DO LESS THAN BE THE STUPID FUCKING PRESIDENT.

KARKAT: THANK HUMAN OBAMA.

DAVE: wait was there a troll obama

KARKAT: I’M THE FUCKING TROLL OBAMA, REMEMBER?

DAVE: karkat

DAVE: you wouldve been so much more than obama

KARKAT: HEY.

DAVE: yeah buddy whats up

KARKAT: I JUST...

DAVE: hey dont worry about it

DAVE: you dont have to explain yourself to me

DAVE: i get it

DAVE: it makes sense. id always felt the same way kind of

DAVE: like about all my shit with sburb and whatever. the reluctant heros journey

DAVE: that feeling where youre being dragged along to being a kind of guy everyone is saying you have to be but youve never felt like theres any way you can really BECOME

DAVE: where every second you feel so sick with your own self doubt and fear that you cant bear to even imagine the future

DAVE: and you think

DAVE: why me

DAVE: even though you know it cant be anyone but you

DAVE: and thats why you do it

KARKAT: YEAH.

DAVE: lol

KARKAT: I WASN’T TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF, THOUGH.

KARKAT: I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU.

DAVE: huh

DAVE: for what

KARKAT: FOR... EVERYTHING.

KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DIDN’T WIN, I’M GLAD WE TRIED.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD WE WENT THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

DAVE: me too

KARKAT: MORE THAN ANYTHING, I... YOU...

KARKAT: YOU BELIEVE IN ME IN A WAY NOBODY EVER HAS BEFORE.

KARKAT: MORE THAN I’VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

KARKAT: AND I’VE NEVER REALLY...

KARKAT: FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE.

DAVE: felt like what

KARKAT: I MEAN, LIKE

KARKAT: YOU KNOW.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE NEVER HAD FRIENDS BEFORE. PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.

KARKAT: BUT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME THEY CARE ABOUT ME, ON SOME LEVEL IT’S HARD FOR ME TO REALLY BUY IT.

KARKAT: THEY CAN LIST WHATEVER JUSTIFICATIONS THEY HAVE FOR LIKING ME AND IT ALL FEELS LIKE BULLSHIT.

KARKAT: IT’S LIKE, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU CAN’T REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THIS ABOUT ME.

KARKAT: THERE’S NO WAY YOU ACTUALLY SEE ME THAT WAY.

KARKAT: YOU JUST FEEL BAD FOR ME. YOU’RE TALKING DOWN TO ME LIKE I’M SOME SORT OF PATHETIC WIGGLER WHO NEEDS TO BE CODDLED.

KARKAT: OR YOU’RE JUST IMAGINING I’M WHATEVER WAY YOU WISH I WOULD BE, SOME PERSON WHO’S BETTER AND SMARTER AND STRONGER AND KINDER AND MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PERSON I REALLY AM.

KARKAT: I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE I CARE ABOUT WOULD EVER WASTE THEIR FUCKING TIME ON ME.

KARKAT: BUT WITH YOU...

KARKAT: BUT WITH YOU, IT MAKES SENSE. I GUESS.

KARKAT: WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING NICE TO ME, I’M LIKE... YEAH? OK?

KARKAT: THAT’S COMPREHENSIBLE? I SEE HOW YOU GOT FROM POINT A TO POINT B.

KARKAT: I CAN KNOW YOU THE WAY I DO AND THINK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’D WANT SOMEONE LIKE ME BESIDE YOU.

KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE TO WONDER WHAT’S MISSING.

KARKAT: YOU’RE ON MY LEVEL. AND I’M ON YOURS.

KARKAT: I BELIEVE THAT YOU SEE ME IN FRONT OF YOU THE WAY I ACTUALLY AM, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AND STILL LIKE ME ANYWAY.

KARKAT: SO EVEN THOUGH IT’S STILL HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF A LOT OF THE TIME,

KARKAT: I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO I DON’T NEED TO.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

KARKAT: YEAH, KIND OF?

KARKAT: FUCK, MAN. THAT’S KIND OF DEEP.

DAVE: i know

KARKAT: SO, YEAH.

KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT I’VE NEVER REALLY FELT BEFORE.

KARKAT: AND I’M GLAD YOU’RE...

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE...

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: same

DAVE: so...

KARKAT: IS SOMETHING WRONG?

DAVE: huh

DAVE: no

DAVE: sorry i just had an absolutely insane train of thought that kind of sent me for a loop

KARKAT: UHH... WHAT?

DAVE: no its extremely better that i dont tell you

DAVE: i kind of forgot what we were talking about because it was so awful

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: oh right

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: all that shit you said about us being friends and on the same level or whatever

DAVE: yeah i feel the same way basically

DAVE: or like

DAVE: well

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: im not sure that i like...

DAVE: hm.

DAVE: im kind of getting the feeling that... maybe...

DAVE: theres a level to what were thinking that isnt entirely coming across in words

DAVE: and since we dont have the right words we arent getting to the right actions either

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

DAVE: like maybe we feel the same way about certain things

DAVE: but what were saying and what were feeling

DAVE: maybe those arent exactly the same thing

DAVE: and maybe... we should...

KARKAT: WE SHOULD WHAT?

DAVE: maybe its time to

DAVE: talk

DAVE: about... that

KARKAT: THAT???

DAVE: yeah, like

DAVE: how... when you say were friends

DAVE: what... does that mean

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE FRIENDS?

DAVE: yeah but

DAVE: is that it?

DAVE: just friends

KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.

KARKAT: YOU’RE MY...........

KARKAT: B......

KARKAT: ......EST FRIEND.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: i see

DAVE: well

DAVE: ok then

KARKAT: D... DAVE?

DAVE: karkat

DAVE: i

DAVE: i think i

DAVE: wait

DAVE: fuck

KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?

KARKAT: DID I DO SOMETH—

DAVE: no

DAVE: i just cant

DAVE: shit

DAVE: it just feels like

DAVE: what the fuck is going on

DAVE: this feels really off

KARKAT: ????

DAVE: idk

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

KARKAT: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

DAVE: i have no idea

DAVE: im sorry

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

KARKAT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAVE: dude

DAVE: come here...

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #dave strider #karkat vantas #meat epilogue #page 38

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hellofears · 5 months

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tw, body dysphoria? think thats the right term, body talk, body image, perception being perceived, dissociation probably, sensory issues, social issues, anxiety, general stress and paranoia u get the picture probably

i haven't had a moment where i felt truly excited to wear something for a long time like i can't even properly remember a time, love u ppl who use their body as a canvas or like clothes for expression or a bit of both. the way i dress does nothing for me at best and makes me feel sad n like kind of embarrassed at most, not because im wearing some crazy shit but because i'm hiding myself and i hate that. I dress for mostly comfortability sensory stuff but also theres layers to that, just like how i mostly wear layers budumtss. U will never see me in a tshirt because its scary like i feel people are looking at everything and idk. I've never worn croptops, and not really dresses to a certain extent, i think stuff is cute all the time but i can't like picture myself in it or picture myself in it in a i like this thing i think its cute i wanna wear on my body what i think is cute. i have never to my memory seen something i liked the look of clothes wise or cute and been like i will now present it on my body and i think, it goes without saying but thats real sad. Maybe im imagining in a more fantastical way then it really is, like do i think its no longer cute if its on my body, do i think me or my body is the problem thats why i'm that way maybe, we've got layers today, i'd make a sorry i thought this was group therapy joke but theres no joke to be had shit happens. There's layers we're working through it, like it's a thing and a nuisance and a problem.

I never take a hoodie off i feel awkward walking into a building or room with a jacket for example or not some large coat and taking it off like ppl are gonna see me stretch are gonna see my arms the underside n everything n possibly because yk how hoodies n stuff wanna be a bitch and hike everything up as ur taking it off, YEAH.

I'm sure the suffering in the back know, cause im sure many probably have felt and feel it and know if u asked me to or u wanted me to or i knew anything of the sort i'd make sure to not witness such a thing in the most inconspicuous to the least degree possible without being unnatural way, to my most personal degree and i hope i'd do it good idk, and know even then like personally me i'm not looking and dont give a fuck anyway so no real issue there anyway atleast in a literal sense. its unlikely that a lot of ppl care but our brains go doing it anyway

#*txt🗣️#tw body image #tw body talk #tw dysphoria #tw body dysphoria #tw dissociation #tw sensory issues #tw sensory problems #tw autism #tw anxiety #tw social anxiety #tw paranoia #im trying with these tags peace and love

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beeearhive · 8 months

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That random thoughts I get before i sleep.

I can't believe I've wasted enjoyment on experiences.

I never like spot light. I dont believe in myself. I can say i think I'm pretty but i know im not amazingly beautiful.

Something or someone is waaay better than me. So i always think i wont be pick.

When i was in highschool, i was forced to join a pageant. I was at the back stage, dressed on my costume.

All i was thinking was " I wish I'm already on the part where this is all finished.

In college, i was forced again to join a pageant by my friends and its just because i felt bad for her as she has responsibility to find someone from our class. So i also thought, well they've got no choice.

They said i just need to attend that interview and I thought i wont get in.

Suprisingly i got in, it was fun when we were practicing walking, having photo shoot. but I didnt talk too much as i was with these ladies who are really pretty, pro in pageant, like literally joining outside school pageant. I was No one. So self esteem was really down.

But as i was at the back stage having my make up done, my make up artist said "do your best and win "

My response was " I dont even want to get to the top 6 to get questioned and im sure I wont be able answer, let alone winning? thats a joke. I just wish this is finish so i can enjoy the party"

Well i didnt win, didn't even get to the top 6. But I didnt care cause I didnt expect anything .

I remember taking a photo with the winner while everyone were crying. Well they spent money and effort and with expectations ofcourse. On the otherhand, i spent 5% compared to their 100%. I recycled my clothes.

All these experiences are supposed to be amazing and fun. But all i was thinking " get over this and finish it please!" " wish time is fast today"

Why didnt i just enjoy these first time experience? Why was i bothered with what people say? Why feel embarrassed?

Its sad to remember that..

but I'm glad im better. Im glad im braver.

need to still push that self-esteem though .

How?

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hoonhrt · 3 years

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ENHYPEN WHEN THEY’RE SICK

: pairing — sick boyfriend! enhypen x reader

: genre — so soft :( (maybe angsty??)

: warnings — mentions of vomiting and being ill

: a/n — i started school again after my break so i’ve been so caught up trying to focus on it :(

･:*:･ﾟ☆ heeseung

he’d be coughing and sniffling the night before and when you ask him he is feeling sick he’d very dramatically say:

“absolutely not! i have like the strongest immune system ever baby i cant believe you’d question MY immune system”

he woke up the next morning with a full blown fever.

HED BE SO WHINY :((

wants you to lay next to you all day long csuse he claims you are his “human furnace”

croaks from your shared bedroom when you get up to get medicine and some hot soup

only agrees to take the medicine if you feed him

once he does take the medicine, he sits there with his mouth open so you can feed him his food

you just stare at him the whole time like 😐😐 am i taking care of my boyfriend or a child 😐😐

he’s staring at you like 🥺🥺🥺 cause he’s so thankful to have you in his life

he squirms into your arms and hides his face in the crook of your neck, already feeling better as you play with his hair

leaves little kisses on your neck as his way to thank you for taking care of him

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jay

tries to convince you he is okay #1

“no angel! i’m okay it’s nothing okay i’m fine psshhh no worries”

doesn’t work as you woke up from his loud coughs in the middle of the night :(

he is very stubborn and continues you to insist that he is okay and that he can take care of himself (he just doesn’t wanna burden you)

everytime you say you’re gonna go do something for him he tries to protest saying he is fine but than starts coughing up a storm

spends the whole day with a pout on his face cause he doesn’t want you to waste your day taking care of him

sucks to be him tho cause you’ll do anything for mr. jay park!

i remember someone said that when jay is feeling ill, his emotions tend to exaggerate

like he’ll feel pain in his throat but will claim his entire body hurts and he cannot move a muscle... (it’s okay it’s just the sickness getting to him)

all he wants to do is cuddle next to you and sleep

like he’ll ask for massages or even random things like piece of cake from the bakery downstairs and you go do it cause your poor boy is feeling down and you wanna see him happy :((

pays you back by buying you new things and spending all that lost time doing anything you want to do (even if it means watching a movie he despises)

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jake

NAAAUUURRR i’m gonna cry just thinking about sick little jake

his eyes are wide and glossy the whole time and his lips are pursed out into a little pout

baby hates being sick cause then he can’t go out and do fun things with you!

DEMENDS cuddles and kisses.

like i think he’ll cry if you leave his side

even if it’s for his own benefit, he clings to you like a little koala

lowkey a little dramatic, acts like his dying

“baby i think this is my last day... pls tell layla i love her” and you’re like What About Me.

you pour him the liquid medicine on to a spoon and give it to him yourself

gets so giddy and smiles at you like a goof afterwards

you bring the back of your palm to his forehead and go “you’re so hot omg”,,, he proceeds to say “i know i am babe you don’t have to tell me twice 😏” BOOYYY

treats you like a little teddy bear and holds you super super close to his body!!

pays you back by taking care of you the later week when you’re sick

･:*:･ﾟ☆ sunghoon

the only one actually capable of taking care of himself

he just seems very normal when he is sick

like he can definitely be on his own

lowkey doesn’t want you around so you dont get sick

but you are very stubborn and you stay there to take care of him

which he appreciates cause he likes being coddled a little bit hehe

it honestly just feels like a regular, stay at home day with him aside from the fact he is violently coughs every 30 minuets next to you

the only thing he wants from you is that you let him lay on your lap and you play with his hair

which you do ofc and he is just simply so happy from that

falls asleep in your lap cause its so therapeutic

“mmmm feel so nice honey” he slurs very sleepily

nuzzles his face into your stomach, searching for warmth :(((

you press little kisses around his face while he sleeps and he starts to blush but you can’t tell cause you think its just his face burning up from being sick (thank god it would’ve embarrassed him so bad if you found out it was from little kisses)

brings you flowers and gives you endless amount of cuddles as his way to thank you :((

･:*:･ﾟ☆ sunoo

boyfriend or child you can’t tell #2

will WHINE SO LOUD if you try to leave his side

“Y/NNNNN NOOOOO you can’t go~ its so cold~ im gonna freeze to death if you go~” “sunoo i need to get you medici-” “NOOOOOOO”

REFUSES to take his medicine

will turn his head the other way with a pout on his face and stubbornly shake his head

you have to pursued him with food and kisses in order for him to actually take it

takes the medicine but gags while taking it

“wheres my cuddles huh 😐”

so so so clingy :( he is pretty much on your entire lap with his head laid across your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your neck

sunoo wouldn’t be very sleepy but he would be very quiet (which makes you sad cause youre sunny is always so talkative), so he spends this time listening to you and all the things you wanna talk about

you guys watch movies together the whole day

wants you to leave kisses on his cheeks cause it makes him feel better

he pouts at you while you laugh at him when you feed him snacks

buys you all the snacks you could dream of when he is feeling better <33

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jungwon

tries to convince you he is fine #2

but wakes you up in the middle of night cause he threw up :((

he gets teary eyed cause he doesn’t wanna burden you but at the same time it hurts so bad

whimpers so much :((

he wants to be held so much, he is attached to you the entire time

you wipe his face with cold towels to bring down his high body temperature down and push back his bangs with so much care and love

“thank you y/n” he speaks so softly before letting out a huge sniffle

jungwon falls in love with you so much more

like he didnt think he could but some how you have managed to make him fall in love with you again

really likes it when you pet his head and massage his temples

he clings to you so much that he just follows you around like a little puppy

you guys watch romance movies together to distract him from the pain

will never give you a hard time like if you ask him to sit up and drink his water or take his medicine he’ll do it right away no questions asked

mainly cause he wants to get better quickly so he can spend more time with you doing more interesting things

thanks you by taking on a cute little picnic date the week after :(

･:*:･ﾟ☆ ni-ki

sleep. all he will do is sleep.

he doesnt care about anything else except for that fact that he wants to sleep

sprawls his entire body on top of yours

he literally traps your body so you cant get out

you have to physically push him off of you which isnt a problem cause he is in such a deep sleep

and when he wakes up and you ARENT by his side, he gets very whiny

“Y/NNNN why’d you leave me ☹️”

very grumpy

you laugh at this which makes him even more grumpy

how cute

ni-ki is honestly very frustrated that 1) he can’t go to practice and dance with his cheery personality and 2) he can’t kiss you!!!! (this is what is the most important to him)

so he just whines all day

whines when you tell him you have to take medicine

whines when you try to get him to sit up and eat

whines when you aren’t cuddling him

so pls cuddle the poor boy <//3

LOVES BACK RUBS

your cool hand against his warm back makes him sigh out loud

pays you back be giving you endless hugs, kisses and letting you win in games <//3

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katyasrussianaccent · 3 years

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you’re so golden (corpse x reader)

Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?

Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!

You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.

Call you in 15.

You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.

Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.

“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.

The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.

The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.

Incoming Facetime Audio

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.

You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker.

“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.

“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.

There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.

You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single.

“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.

You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”

He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.”

You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”

He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do.

“People on the internet say a lot of things.”

“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.

“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”

“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”

He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.

“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.

“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.

“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”.

“And what would you cook for me?” he asks.

You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”

He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I��ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”

You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.

“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.

He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”

“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

“You could always sing some for me,” he offers.

You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”

“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.

“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.

“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.

You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.

“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.”

You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.

It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in.

“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.

You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it.

“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”

“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time.

“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”

“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.

“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts.

“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.

“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.

The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar.

The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.

“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for.

“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.

“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”

“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.

“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.

“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else.

“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.

“We can switch,” he replies.

“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.

“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.

You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.

“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.

“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”

“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.

“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.

“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.

You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.”

Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen; Felix has been killed.

“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.

“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”

“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.

“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.

“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.

“Oh. I was in um o2?”

“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.

“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.

“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.

“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that.

“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you.

“Hey,” you greet her.

“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body. You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.

“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?”

“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.

“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.

“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.

“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”

“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.

“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.

“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.

You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.

You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement.

IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you.

“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.

You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.

“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task.

“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were.

“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.

You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”

“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.

You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.

“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.

“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.

“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.

“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list.

Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.

You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.

“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.

“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.

You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.”

“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.

“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.

“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?”

Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.

“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.

“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.

“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.

“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.

“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.

“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.

“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.

“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.

You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.

“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit.

“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!”

You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands.

“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.

TAGLIST (if youre bold, it wont let me tag): @teenageguitarist @fanworrior @cherry-piee @mirahg @clara-bee @cookinglovingalien @vir-tual @clubfairy @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @more-like-reyna @boiled-onionrings @moneybagmgk @brendalopez99 @delicateavenuenacho @dreamsofficialwife @hydrate-tion @little-red02

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