#like i don't really like the story but i do really like the view
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โ
. . . ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ , ๐๐๐
summary , when making a guest appearance on your youtube series chicken shop date you were surprised by how much you actually enjoyed his company and the rest was history
pairing , lando norris x fem! youtuber! reader
main masterlist | f1 masterlist | lando norris masterlist
yourinstagram
now playing: friday - riton, nightcrawlers, mufasa & hypeman
liked by landonorris charles_leclerc 89,279,365 others
yourinstagram landonorris has my heart racing ๐๏ธ
chickenshopdate out Friday !
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user Lando is literally perfect for this you don't understand
user brb need a pit stop you two are too good together โค๏ธโ๐ฅ
user ICONIC collab ๐ฎโ๐จ๐๐ฝ
user cold
charles_leclerc me next???
โคท landonorris no she mine
โคท yourinstagram ummmmm since when sirrrr
user STOP STOP STOP IM SCREAMING!!!!!!!!
user Heโs P1 in our hearts ๐๐งก
user Get him some fish sticks
user ok song choice, you know whatโs up
user can already hear his giggles
user Yeah, we needed this for sure
user IT'S FRIDAY THENNN ๐บ
user Lando buzzing that he gets to eat a proper meal for once ๐
user At this point I donโt watch for the celebrities, I watch for Y/N.
user the capri sun is so iconic
user Weird, Iโm jealous of a ketchup bottle
user BROOO IS THAT HOW IT FEELS TO GO ON A DATE WITH LANDOOO!???? cause im in
user We canโt gatekeep him anymore๐ญ
user So this is what a date with Lando Norris is like?
user not him and charles beefing in the comments over Y/N ๐ญ๐ญ
user ๐ญ HOW ๐ญ DOES ๐ญ IT ๐ญ FEEL ๐ญ TO ๐ญ BE ๐ญ LIVING ๐ญ MY ๐ญDREAM ๐ญ
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yourinstagram . 2hrs ago
seen by landonorris maxverstappen1 57,279,364 others
landonorris replied to your story!
you love me really
no comment
yourinstagram
yourinstagram The secret is out ๐
chickenshopdate with landonorris out now!
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user RUNNING TO WATCH RN
user Y/N if you donโt I will
user Please make out with every guest, okay thank you bye
user STOP SMILING MAN WHAT THE HECK HE IS SO CUTE
user โiโm downโ fell to my knees in the grocery store
user LMFAOO the way she answered โplaying hard to getโ too๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
user The LIP BITE after the โeven hotter if I was in thereโ ๐
๐
๐
OH MY
user LMAO she still didnโt follow him back๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
user lmk when someone writes this fanfic pls
user Y/N. This man is in love with you.
user Man was offended by "thats why your not winning" ๐ญ
user Nah because theyโre cuteeeee together ๐ฉ๐ฉ
user Wow I think I might like this one more than the one with central cee ๐ญ
user Freaking get married right now
user heโs so bashful loveeee
user best duo ever ahahahahaah so chaotic
user Wasnโt long enough!!!!! ๐ญ๐ญ
user Okay, now I need every F1 racer to do chicken shop date
user This is a real date
user Lmao, best crossover
user This is illegal ๐ญ too cute๐
user PLS HE COULDN'T EVEN STOP BLUSHING ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ
user Amelia, this is so darn cute, please just date him already
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Y/N L/N โ LANDO NORRIS | CHICKEN SHOP DATE
landonorris
liked by yourinstagram carlossainz55 89,265,186 others
landonorris Gonna go get my appendix removed. Apparently you do it and you win a race sooooooโฆ. congrats Carlitos ๐ถ๏ธย #weightloss
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user CARLANDO. ๐
yourinstagram Yay you were faster !!! ๐ xxx
โคท landonorris all for you bae
โคท user ๐ญ๐
โคท user CSD effect๐
โคท user HELP HE WAS
โคท user followed him back after getting on the podium ๐๐๐
โคท user itโs the power of loveโฆ.๐ถ
โคท user more Y/N motivation ๐๐๐๐๐
โคท user FAV WAG ๐ฅฐ
โคท user the most supportive gf for real
โคท user not him calling her bae on the main
user What a duo ๐ฅ
user Another Carlando podiumโฆ.Another happy day ๐
user every racing driver about to go remove their appendix
user CARLANDO NATION! WE WON ๐งกโค๏ธ
user All drivers take notes ๐ ๐คฃ๐คฃ
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landonorris and yourinstagram . 4hrs ago
seen by carlossainz55 charles_leclerc 79,394,579 others
charles_leclerc replied to yourinstagram story!
so is this still a no for that chicken shop date??
get lando's blessing and then we'll talk
#๊ฐ๊ฐ โงโห๐ โ lola's works หโยท ๊ฑ๊ฑ#lando norris#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris smut#lando norris x reader#lando norris fluff#formula one#f1 fic#formula 1#formula 1 angst#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 smut#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#ln4#ln4 x reader#f1 fanfiction#f1 fanfic#f1 fandom#f1#f1 fluff#f1 imagine#f1 instagram au#f1 one shot#f1 smut#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n
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lowkey
when two celebrities known for being a beast in their respective fields are actually the shyest in real life- especially when it comes to attraction.
op!81 x fem!singer (smau)
p.s (let's pretend the qatar and las vegas gp's are rounds 10 + 12 of 24 respectively hehe)
ynuser
Tagged: bsfuser
ynuser so... been kind of busy lately...
Liked by sabrinacarpenter, bsfuser, landonorris, and 715,069 others
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forynln U DISAPPEAR FOR 5 MONTHS AFTER UR LAST ALBUM AND POST OUTTA NOWHERE... girl u cannot keep doing this to us...
-> user1 lol watch her
-> user2 Bruh stfu she literally gave us a god sent album made of unicorn shit she doesn't owe u anything
bsfuser i hate you for telling me what's boutta go down but not let me say shit to anyone ๐
-> user3 it's ok bestie u can tell me, i won't tell anyone :)
ynluv How she is so different irl compared to her stage self still baffles me to this day.
-> user4 FR like wdym u gonna be busting out moves that get u viral then act like the sweetest creature on earth when u out here?? ๐ญ
-> user5 duality go prr. she's probably the shyest celebrity i've ever seen.
-> user6 I can't believe she's an '03 baby.
gracieabrams omg ur orange cat
-> user6 car*
-> user7 car*
-> user8 luv u gracie
user9 orange suits yn so well
user0 lando is such a fanboy ๐
-> user| him and half the grid have been so consistent with promoting her LMAO
oscarpiastri posted a story 5m
Liked by logansargeant, landonorris, ynuser, and others
Replies
landonorris: would've been right next to u if stroll hadn't crashed again
mclaren: ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ
user_: being very calm compared to ur reaction after lance's fiasco today LOL
logansargeant: LET'S GOOO
user@: wow our pastry posts after a century
alexalbon: oi why didnt you take lily's and my advice to post with yn's music if u asked us in the first place...
Twitter
Instagram
f1
f1 Our special guest performer and new partner for the 16th round on our calendar, Las Vegas, has been confirmed; a little fun before the racing begins! We bet you guys will like this one... ๐คญ
Until then, round 11 in Netherlands next weekend ๐ณ๐ฑ Stay tuned!
Liked by rihanna, katyperry, ynuser, and 795,392
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user! omg i have been waiting for this
f1forlife istg if they bring out the same performers as before...
fanacc the amount of singers liking this post is really fucking with us LOL
alexalbon hi f1 pls tell me u listened to us and booked the grid's voted fav ๐ธ
-> charlesleclerc agreed.
-> maxverstappen1 agreed.
-> landonorris @oscarpiastri and i will boycott.
-> oscarpiastri mate i didn't even vote.
-> landonorris okay fine but u do like yn/ln right? ...right? ๐ช
-> oscarpiastri ...
-> landonorris dw everyone osc's just shy no need to cancel him
-> danielricciardo ๐๐ฝ
-> lance_stroll wait there was a vote?
Twitter
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ynuser
ynuser switch up
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forynln she's killing us and she knows it damn well
user pls just one hint ๐ญ
user how do u feel about oscar piastri not liking u LMAO
arianagreenblatt gorg bestie ๐ฉ
user the aesthetic change is very sus
user ladies and gentlemen, the queen of singing, dancing, and gatekeeping
-> user the way we still pine after her and her whereabouts even though she is the most nonchalant pop girl out there
-> bsfuser she's cooking smth ๐ง
-> frd2 yk smth dont u ๐ฅธ
2 weeks later...
Instagram
georgerussell63 posted a story 20sec
Liked by ynuser, f1, lewishamilton, and others
Replies
lewishamilton: why did i not see toto doing this????
ynuser: it was a pleasure meeting u too ๐ค
f1: You boys are very welcome
totowolff: George...
-> georgerussell: please don't fire me
landonorris: ok but did u see the way she looked at me??
-> georgerussell lando, u know full well she was looking at someone else
-> landonorris shut up :(
-> georgerussell i will not allow u to ruin her with ur playboy antics
-> landonorris EXCUSE ME
landonorris and f1 ๐
Tagged: f1, ynuser, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, georgerussell63, fernandoalo_official, maxverstappen1, and oscarpiastri
landonorris best. weekend. ever.
mini photo dump of the boys at the concert 'cause @ynuser actually performed for us ๐คฏ๐คฏ we're such huge fans- it was epic meeting you!
Liked by racerbia, selenagomez, bsfuser, and 2,993,840 others
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landonorris p.s. oscar loves her, he's just shy
-> oscarpiastri lando u idiot
-> logansargeant i can confirm ahem
mclaren we advocated for this very hard, just so yk...
-> user0 the gods (you) have bestowed us simpletons (seriously) with such a blessing (yn and mclaren interactions)
-> userl for the whole grid? the fans? ...or a particular someone? ๐คญ
ynuser epic meeting me??? bro i almost fainted meeting u guys and drivers i've been a fan of since i was 10 ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
-> bsfuser how was it omg
-> ynuser LOL definitely an interesting experience...
-> landonorris omg she replied ๐ญ
-> georgerussell bro she called u bro
user_ im convinced theyre music drunk and not substance drunk here ๐ฎโ๐จ
ynuser
Tagged: f1
ynuser you all already know. this thread is as aesthetically chaotic as my mind rn.
thank you to my team for handling such a mess of me when since i got this invitation !! could not be here, or look this decent without any of u.
thank you to @f1 from the bottom of my heart. i've been such a fan since i was in nappies, nd you guys just made a dream of mine come true. from the races, new friends, to performing for such a crowd in vegas, it has been one of the most surreal weekends of my life. you all just know im gonna be clutching on to this partnership for as long as i breathe. nd congrats to @maxverstappen1, @oscarpiastri, nd @charlesleclerc on the podium ! until next time ๐๐โจ
(last slide is real footage of me meeting toto wolff)
Liked by racerbia, selenagomez, bsfuser, and 2,408,274 others
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redbullracing thank you for stopping by our pit!
-> mclaren ok but she went to ours first
-> scuderiaferrari yeah... she liked us most though. should've seen her face when she walked in.
-> mercedesamgf1 you guys know she was a long-time mercedes fan before this right??
-> landonorris what is going on? (she definitely liked hanging out with us more)
-> logansargeant lol you're so delulu (laughed way harder with my group)
oscarpiastri thank you too! we should hang out again sometime soon
-> landonorris 'hang out' pfft sure
-> user omg oscar commenting on a non-f1 person's post??? a FEMALE nonetheless????
-> oscarpiastri everyone has to chill fr
bsfuser thatโs MY BESTIE
-> user she is GLOWING
-> ynimagine mommy??? sorry. mommy??? sorry.
-> user she is SNATCHED WTF
oscarpiastri
Tagged: danielricciardo, ynuser
oscarpiastri 2nd in vegas! amazing job to the team for this accomplishment, daniel for his dedication, nd yn, who we're all still star-struck by. cheers! ๐พ
(credit to @pierregasly's story for second slide)
Liked by ynuser, f1, danielricciardo, and 1,329,866 others
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user guys istg i was in the paddock the whole time AND i know what i saw. so when i say they hit it off really well...
user omg oscar even picked up on her 'nd' habit ๐ญ
ynuser ๐งก๐งก๐งก
-> user u are actually an angel sent from the depths of hell in the best possible way. the setlist??? the body and face??? the personality???
landonorris oscar you... ๐จ when did u even go to the front of the stage for that last pic????
lewishamilton cute, flirty, teenage stuff and all but are we not gonna talk about danny ric
-> danielricciardo i think we should just go back to gushing about oscar's crush
-> carlossainz55 his crush??? what am i missing????
-> charlesleclerc the baby has grown up
bsfuser ๐คจ
f1
Tagged: ynuser
f1 yn appreciation post ๐ค๐ค๐ค
Could not have asked for a better performer and partner to grace us with her presence this weekend ๐๐ผ
Liked by ynuser, mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 3,071,008 others
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user my timeline is EXPLODING
user converting f1 fans into yn fans too
landonorris slay
-> danielricciardo slay
-> pierregasly slay
-> alexalbon slay
-> lewishamilton what is 'slay'?
-> charlesleclerc slay
-> maxverstappen1 slay
ynuser thank u thank uuu
-> user9 queen what were u on tonight??
-> {user} not even her debut was this hype ๐
ynworld STEP ON ME
f1__grid bruh this is so unecessary... she clearly just wants attention
-> user# stay pressed ur favs like her more than u <3
Twitter
3 weeks later...
oscarpiastri posted a story 10sec
Liked by ynuser, mclaren, maxverstappen1, and others
Replies
user: soooo wonder who took this photo ๐ง
user: u guys got smth to tell us? ;)
alexalbon: why do u look depressed today
landonorris: where are u bro
user: what's ur fav yn song?
ynuser: im sorry i can't make it today osc :(
-> oscarpiastri: it's okay, best to let everyone cool down anyways. i'll see u next week?
-> ynuser: i promise :)
1 week later...
ynuser posted a story 30sec
Liked by bsfuser, f1, oscarpiastri, and others
Replies
lewishamilton: ayeee my fav coming over to the pit today?
-> ynuser: i wouldn't miss it for the world ๐ธ plus fans are dying to know how u pick ur fashion sense out
-> lewishamilton: oh lord
f1: ๐ค
landonorris: pls be kind with the question this time :(
-> ynuser: aweeee
-> ynuser: no.
oscarpiastri: wya??
3 more weeks later...
oscarpiastri posted a story 16sec
Liked by nicolepiastri, mclaren, danielricciardo and others
Replies have been disabled
ynuser posted a story 37sec
Liked by bsfuser, f1, nicolepiastri, and others
Replies have been disabled
1 month, 3 races, and 2 performances later...
~3 months later...
oscarpiastri
Tagged: ynuser
oscarpiastri i can't take it anymore. since u guys have wanted to know, anyway.
you've been on my mind since the day i met you (nd yes, admittedly since lando showed me your music videos), nd then when i met you with the biggest crush, i quickly decided that you are one of the most talented, beautiful, kindest people ever. fuck all if i just got my first win, it wouldn't have meant anything without u. i can't have asked for a better partner in crime to wear my number at the races.
although we've been pretty great at keeping it low key these past few months to just family and friends, i wanna show you off, my love x
Liked by ynuser, landonorris, mclaren, and 5,329,866 others
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oscarpiastri also, ty to the grid for keeping it private, nd yes, i will be treating u all for dinner.
-> danielricciardo LFGGGGG
user oh my god.
jennaortega the question is if she beat him at karting
-> oscarpiastri she did...
carlossainz55 i never thought this day would come
landonorris cant put both my happiness and bewilderment that you actually hard launched into words
-> georgerussell character. development.
user ONE OF MY FAV SINGERS BECAME MY FAV WAG TOO AHHHHHHHH
arianagrande y'all cute asf ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
user I CALLED IT
-> user nah dont u lie we all thought we were lying to ourselves LMAO
bsfuser one wrong move and iโll send stroll to do more than just hit u on track ๐บ
-> oscarpiastri ;-;
-> maxverstappen1 u could send any one on the grid to do it, and they'd be happy to
user they're so in love im bawling
landonorris just so u guys know, his three sisters steal her away from him every week to hang out LOL
-> oscarpiastri that was totally unecessary
-> nicolepiastri give the ppl what they want ossie
Comments on this post have been limited.
ynuser
Tagged: oscarpiastri
ynuser sike.
'orange suits yn so well'... damn right for him ๐งก
this man has inspired me in too many ways, that aside from teaching me how to love and be loved. it's been pretty hard having all these memories, but not being able to live them freely because of the pressure. but i wouldn't do it with anyone else. so im gonna be 'showing you off' in my latest single, agora hills, coming out tomorrow night for my love's first win x
(to clarify, f1 has allowed me to take ONE side ONCE, so im not jobless :) ... yet)
Liked by oscarpiastri, dojacat, bsfuser and 6,001,685 others
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frd1 about fucking time
oliviarodrigo this is so cute omg
alexalbon ahem i think i should get some credit for being the ultimate matchmaker here
-> f1 actually, i think it all goes to us.
-> user ๐
logansargeant THE LAST PHOTO PLS SEND IT TO ME LMAO
gracieabrams omg him with her cat ๐ญ๐ญ
-> user gracie, luv, it's car*
-> user car*
-> sabrinacarpenter dw babes i don't get this shit either
user oscar first win AND yn new music AND hard launches from the softest ppl ever??? has the universe finally decided to bless me???
user they were literally meant to be
user what happened to the shy versions of themselves oml
tatemcrae the hottest, most sincere, and talented celebrity couple rn
bsfuser and i was there to witness it all ๐
-> charlesleclerc so was i
-> bsfuser i was first tho
-> charlesleclerc fair enough
-> landonorris i was there the most
-> bsfuser i was their couple counsellor
-> landonorris i was their matchmaker
-> alexalbon NO YOU WERENT
-> bsfuser i was first to find out
-> landonorris no you werent
-> landonorris right? @oscarpiastri @ynuser
-> landonorris RIGHT????
Comments on this post have been limited.
ynuser
Tagged: oscarpiastri
ynuser for u, ur first win, and to many more.
as an extra for u all, 'lowkey' is also out to show my progression from wanting to keep it a secret to having him make me scream his name <3 hope u love us as much as i do.
Liked by oscarpiastri, dojacat, bsfuser and 6,581,921 others
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user the caption???????????????????
user holy shit mother is mothering and father is fathering because never have i ever heard her make a track with sm detail about her partner in it...
-> user FR like where did the two of them go?? almost 8 months but they come back like they've aged a decade
-> user NO CAUSE WTF is 'suck a little dick in the bathroom, who that man with the big strong hands'???? miss yn??? are the both of u feeling okay????
-> user you'd think introvert + introvert = coma, but ig double negatives still apply here
dojacat bitch these tracks SLAP
user okay but osc's guns ๐
sza god, when will this shi happen to me?
mclaren All ur songs on repeat in the paddock.
-> mercedesamgf1 It's true, all the teams agreed
-> redbullracing (the only time we all agree)
user how tf did we get bashful yn and blushing osc to... this??
-> ynuser life's full of mysteries.
landonorris i miss the person i was before hearing these two songs...
-> georgerussell it's true, as big of a fan i am of the two of u, some things are meant to stay between ppl...
-> charlesleclerc i am not saying anything, which means i can get invited to the wedding, yeah?
-> ynuser yes.
-> oscarpiastri yes.
Comments on this post have been limited.
a/n: as u can probably see, i lowkey gave up half way cause i never realised how much work this takes :,)
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SAGAU but Creator Reader has been tagging along with the Gourmet Supremos.
If you didn't know or have forgotten, Gourmet Supremos are one of those quest series that is randomized because some part of the questline can only be accessed with dailies (like Whispers in the Wind or Snezhnaya Does Not Believe in Tears or Garcia's Paean).
This questline spans from Inazuma up to Sumeru. I think there was 6-7 quests in total? I forgot. (it's 8).
(These are Julie, Parvaneh and Xudong in order.) There are more characters that made a cameo in here but we'll just limit it with these three.
Context dropped, onto the short HCs.
โข Okay so, I didn't really read the whole story of this one so I'm just going to make some random HCs on the fly. I'm aiming for a goody-feel with this one so no heavy angst will be involved.
โข Alright, so. Xudong is the leader of the Gourmet Supremos, and he only found you because when you land in Inazuma, you literally dropped into their camp and was about to steal a sausage from Julie's backpack (but there were so many ingredients there!!!)
โข Xudong was fuming, lmao.
"THIEF!! SOMEONE, HELP!"
โข Aight, geez, made you run a marathon there.
โข The next time you've met, all three were together and they saw you roasting some lavender melon in some dilapidated tent you found while walking aimlessly. Hey, better than no shelter at all. For some unfathomable reason, your inventory only consists of food materials - with everything, and I mean everything, missing.
โข God damn. It's like the heaven is telling you something. ๐
โข Anyways, yeah. So for some reason, the only access to the goddamn ingredients are locked, and you can't use it and you don't know when you would be able to use it, so you have to scrounge up whatever pitiful sources you can get.
โข Sadly, it's mostly lavender melons.
โข Like, you already made several dishes from this and it's really starting to grind on your gears, so you took a dive in one of the caverns and found some meat and was happily grilling it with the melons when the trio came out of nowhere.
"Thief!"
The hell. "I didn't get the sausage, though."
"But you still tried to!"
"I mean, I was dying of hunger, so.. you know."
Julie, bless her heart, gets in between you two. "It's fine, Xudong. They needed help, did they not?"
"But-"
This time, Parvaneh chimes in. "As they've told you, they didn't get anything, so let it go. And you." She points at you with calloused finger. "Who are you?"
That caught you off guard a little. Told them your name and, to Xudong's bewilderment, started chatting amicably with you. Some time later though, he softened a bit but still a little cautious. They traded cooking tips with you, and, to their utmost surprise, you exchanged many tips on cooking as well.
"How do you know all this?" Xudong asked as you finished explaining the difference between sauteing onion and garlic first.
"Oh. I'm uh, a professional chef back in our place. Been years though, so yeah." You replied as you took a bite of their chicken. "Holy shit, why is this so good?"
Julie and Parvaneh just smiled proudly.
โข So like, you became a new addition to their team - but you actually specialize in desserts. Xudong has many a great views in cooking, as well as the two ladies, and together you journeyed the whole of Inazuma for rare ingredients and made some two or three journals that have been since published and loved by people. (The fangirling/fanboying is real when you saw Xiangling's message drooling about your own version of Tiramisu).
โข One day, however, you lot came across a shrine - it doesn't look abandoned, oddly, but it looks really, really old. You asked them what's the deal with this one, and they explained about the Creator.
Oh.
You're in SAGAU?
Shit.
"People said they've come back, but we don't really know.."
Double shit.
โข With that knowledge, you try and avoid the main cities as much as possible and only let the three buy on populated areas. Thank God they didn't really notice you suddenly covering half your face with a mask - which you only shrugged when asked.
"I like masks."
Fair enough, they suppose.
โข ..oh fuck, is that Yae Miko?
"Ara, and who is this?"
Xudong, Julie and Parvaneh bows and you hastily followed.
"She is our new companion, Lady Miko."
She looks at you with an impish grin. "Oh?"
... "Yo."
Nice.
โข Coming across the main characters from the game are very, VERY rare. You can actually count on one hand the characters you've met:
Yae Miko;
Thoma (he was going around asking for favors as usual and you bump into each other and only had quick apologies as interaction);
Kujou Sara (she was patrolling the area and asked about your mask - which you replied that it's part of your outfit. damn, her glare was fucking menacing!);
Kuki Shinobu (you were side to side buying groceries once), and lastly;
Kamisato Ayato (you actually didn't meet - you just saw him giving speech in a podium for some event you just came across).
โข You figured, hey, maybe you're NOT the creator or whatever. And just tried to live normally after some time. The mask stayed though, because you just survived the pandemic back here and was cautious.
โข About a year and six months with the team, Xudong suggested you come all to Sumeru to expand your knowledge. Holy shit, yes please!
โข ..and then you met the Traveler on your way.
"Your Grace..?"
Triple shit.
๐ญ sorry for disappearing for about a year - i was too lazy finishing anything. And now, I added another idea not to finish on the list ๐ wrote this whole thing in like 30 minutes motivation really is a wonderful thing, huh?
#sagau brainrot#genshin impact#genshin impact sagau#genshin isekai#genshin headcanons#sagau idea#sagau x reader#sagau#genshin sagau
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can i just word vomit for a min...
there was a point in late 2023 where i felt like i overstayed my welcome on simblr and i planned on just wrapping frozen pines up as quickly as possible and moving on. continuing to write when it's clear that the audience for it is dwindling felt so embarrassing that i almost didn't even want to put effort into it anymore, because i was afraid it just looked pathetic (obligatory disclaimer: no one made me feel this way, you're all so lovely, it's just the nature of seeing a community change over 7 years). writing already feels very personal to me and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to put my work out there (again, for reasons unrelated to simblr and entirely related to mental illness ๐ค๐ป). i know my story is so long that it deters new readers, and so sporadic that it makes old readers drop off with time. this has really been bothering me lately because i don't know what i can do to fix it. i don't think there IS anything i can do.
but. okay. don't make fun of me for saying this. dan and phil returning to youtube kinda changed my mindset? they may be pulling a fraction of the views they got in their peak, but they're happier than they've ever been and they're working on things they actually want to do, not things they think will be particularly popular. seeing that has made me realize that it is possible to keep finding joy in a community that has largely moved on without you. obviously my little blog is nowhere near the same scale, so this feels kind of silly, but i've been thinking about all the things i used to do on simblr that were never fun for me, i mainly did them because i knew they would get notes or because i felt like i had to do it. making cc, lookbooks, sim requests, reshade help (oh my god the reshade help), lot downloads, etc. they DID get notes, but i can't imagine spending my time doing any of that stuff ever again tbh.
on top of that, it makes me sad to scroll through my dash and realize that i don't recognize most of the people i see anymore. i still talk to some wonderful people here who i consider friends and that's invaluable to me (๐), but the broader community aspect is something i no longer feel a part of. and believe me, i know i'm at fault here because it's not like i'm going out of my way to talk to new people or participate in trends like i used to. i don't blame anyone except the passage of time!!
frozen pines, and simblr by extension, played such a gigantic part in my life when i needed it the most. and that's not to say that i don't still care about it, because i absolutely do, but it's a different kind of feeling. i've always promised that i would give frozen pines a satisfying conclusion rather than silently abandoning it someday, and though i do intend to keep that promise, i know it's possible that i might never get there. but i don't want to let my own insecurities get in the way of something i really enjoy doing. writing is an intrinsic piece of me that i'll never quit doing, but sharing my writing on tumblr is something that can't (and shouldn't) last forever. i know that. but i'm going to enjoy it to the fullest while we're all still here together ๐
to anyone who's still reading my silly story after all these years (especially those of you who still check in on my blog even though you're not on simblr anymore): thank you thank you thank you THANK YOUUU. you don't have to change a single thing about what you're doing. this is not me fishing for compliments or putting down an ultimatum, this is just me trying to make sense of my feelings.
but with all this being said, i've decided to quit simblr and start my own exclusive streaming service for $60 a year, i hope you'll all support me as i increase my production value ๐
(just kidding. ily. okay that's all)
#to be 100% clear this is not a goodbye - i'm literally halfway done with the next story post#just sort of an update on the state of my brain#๐๐ป#btw...... sorry to Watcher fans lmaoo you guys really got the short end of the parasocial relationship stick..... </3#that's not relevant to anything i've said here i've just spent way too much time thinking about how youtube has changed in the past 20 year#because i'm a loser that got really into youtube when i was 11 and never looked back#and then the watcher thing happened. and i was like ohhh if dan and phil did that to me i would have to die about it.
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(Translation) Kagari's Hobby [Lv. 6 Bond Story]
Kagari: [jumpscare] Boo!
Choices
1) ......
2) You can't scare me anymore, you know.
3) I'll get mad next time you scare me.
> ......
Kagari: Sure you want to ignore me? At this rate, it'd be a swift stab in the back, right through the heart.
Kagari: Didn't you ever learn it's dangerous for a woman to walk alone at night? You've done such a good job of living up until today. Do you really want to die?
> You can't scare me anymore, you know.
Kagari: Who's the one jumping away like a rabbit at the sound of my voice? You are.
Kagari: Want to try jumping again?
> I'll get mad next time you scare me.
Kagari: I'm curious to see if you get angry, too... I'm half-joking, no need to get so sulky.
His answer after the choices section
Kagari: Yeah, I was climbing the tree because it's my hobby.
Kagari: I like having the bird's-eye view. And it's just as good for clearing my thoughts and emotions for a bit.
Kagari: ......
Kagari: And then you happened to come by. [Gets pensive] ...Is this what good luck looks like? A sudden stroke of luck?
Kagari: No, it's nothing. I was just thinking you seem as defenseless as ever, looking like someone could just abruptly cut you down. Don't worry about it.
-----------
Disclaimer: I just throw stuff into translators online, so expect mistakes
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Thereโs something I love about Battletech that Iโve only now figured out how to word, and itโs the way โMechs are treated in the setting (capitalized that way because in universe itโs short for BattleMechs).
If youโre not familiar with this line of thinking, let me introduce it a moment. In short, one of the things that mecha as a genre does is use mechs because theyโre human-looking. It lets you take mechanized warfare, something famously cruel and dehumanizing, and humanize it, making it once again about lone heroic actors that tower over the battlefield. That can do a lot of things in a piece: it can let you really understand the emotional impact, war-is-hell style; it can be vaguely propaganda-y/wish fulfillment, in the sense that it defies the idea that one person alone canโt make a difference; it can even be used to make combat a person-to-person backdrop for whatโs really going on (you could do a rom-com with mechs pretty neatly I thinkโฆwonder if that exists?)
Battletech seems to have this line of thinking built into the setting. From a Doylist perspective, I canโt guarantee it was on purpose, but shut up weโre going off the Watsonian rails.
The setting goes straight into it with the view people have of MechWarriors, the class of soldier that pilots Battlemechs across the battlefields of the Inner Sphere. The setting (especially in older eras) treats these warriors as knights-errant, crusading about in massive suits of armor for whatever cause they believe right--even if that cause is a bit of coin. Chivalric orders at one point really did and occasionally still do within the Battletech universe, and (again, earlier on in the setting) mechs are often passed down through family lines, making these machines into a symbol. What that symbol exactly represents depends from MechWarrior to MechWarrior, but no matter what it means something to them. They have some form of relationship with what it means to be a MechWarrior. To be one of these glorious knights.
But then, as all things must, it all comes crashing down when faced with the horrors of real life and the real-life battlefield. 'Mechs aren't invincible, far from it; they certainly aren't disposable, but in addition to other 'Mechs (the "romantic" opponent all MechWarriors wish to fight) they are under threat from VTOL craft, planes, tanks, artillery, and even properly trained infantry. The glorious knight, striding across the battlefield...can very easily lose their lives to their own notions of splendor. Combat, both in lore and on the tabletop, is brutal, and 'Mechs even if they survive often come away with massive holes, missing limbs, and pilots bloodied and bruised even from the safety of the cockpit. To say nothing of those that don't make it home, their ammunition reserves sending them up in a fireball of death, their reactors purged in superheated steam that could leak into the cockpit and boil them alive, their cockpit itself blasted from off the 'Mech's shoulders and leaving them nothing but a fine red paste. BattleMechs are glorious, yes, but at the end of the day it's still war.
It's still war. And war is hell.
So despite having the appearance of being an empowering machine in-universe, we can actually look at the BattleMech as symbolic of the kind of thing that really happens to people thrown into the grinder of war--they die. And it's not pretty. No idealism can protect you from the barrel of a gun. And you are most certainly cheaper to replace than all your equipment.
The designs of the 'Mechs lean into this depersonalizing angle, too. Many of them are, in the barest sense, humanoid:
But even then, it's the vision of a human filtered through a much more realistic military-industrial complex than something like, say, Gundam. And on the other end of this spectrum:
...are 'Mechs that look nothing like the people they're supposed to represent.
Looking at this through the lens of 'Mechs as something used to tell a story about humans, we reach a conclusion:
You think this story is about you. It's not. War is hell. Meat is cheap.
And that's actually really cool of Battletech to be so thematically tied into itself like that.
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I got to say I really liked the episode (despite only having watched exu calamity of the exu series) and I think maybe Matt needed a breather after so many fast paced, lore filled episodes.
however, I am kinda bummed that the fcg processing has been put on hold for (at least) two weeks now and that means that, despite them being great actors that truly merge with their characters at the table, their reactions will be much less raw and thereโs a chance some of them will forget tidbits of information, emotions they felt when it happened because they (as role players) will have had time to process it out of the game and it might create a dissonance in the game. tbf I kind of felt the difference even between the end of ep 91 and the beginning of 92 but it made sense because technically they were still running and couldnโt afford to process. idk. I have hope that weโll still see that raw emotion, but I fear it wonโt be as impactful as it couldโve been, especially if theyโll have to put the โreporting for dutyโ hat on immediately when they get to the camp
I think being a little bummed about the sort of unexpected hiatus on the Bell's Hells/Post F.C.G processing is super understandable! As someone who also really did enjoy the Crownskeepers return (hello im still yelling about Opal internally), I'm kind of in the same camp of being kind of thrown/disappointed about not getting to really dig into/sit with the Bell's Hells post-F.C.G loss. Like, LOVED the Crownkeepers, fascinating second half, kind of meh on the specific timing.
I'm holding my reservations about whether they're going to have to keep running/moving once we return to their portion of the story, since hey, until it happens (or doesn't!), we don't know, so I don't feel like getting too in my head about it until then.
That said! I do think that in general the cast puts characterization and staying true to the emotions of the character/story as a very high priority within the campaign. I think you're right that it won't be the exact same as if they had done a big emotional blowup/goodbye/processing scene in the same ep where they lost F.C.G, or immediately after. I don't think that means it has to be less impactful, just that- yeah, they'll have had more time to actually think/process it.
But they're also all professional voice actors who have, IMO, thus far shown how much they think about the inner lives of their characters and enjoy really digging deep into the emotional/interpersonal aspects of roleplay.
My assumption (my hope?) is that with additional time to think about + process a devastating/deeply emotional loss for their character(s), they'd choose to lean into that more, and not less. It wont be the same as the immediate raw reactions, thats true! But i dont think that means it has to be less impactful, even if they (as people) have had more time to process, and will be choosing how their characters, fresh off the loss, react. I dont think thats a guarantee it will be less impactful/emotional (maybe the additional thinking would actually enhance the reactions being true/insightful to the characters vs gut reactions from cast), but it will be different.
But if the cast chooses to lean into the heartbreak/emotions, and the circumstances of the BH in the upcoming ep enable it, I'm sure they can still kick my ass (emotionally), timeskip or not.
In general, I'm cautiously optimistic about what could happen next! Even if I don't love the timing thus far. I think there's still plenty of ways for me to get what I'm hoping for wrt F.C.G/BH. :] There are plenty of ways for me to get let down too, probably, but until it happens, or doesn't, I'm opting to not get too doomery about it. We'll see.
I uh. Hope that helps? A bit? Being bummed about specific things you were hoping for being off the table is totally reasonable. just hoping to lend an alternate way of viewing it, if desired.
(i wrote the sentence: "don't be lamenting your chickens before they hatch" and then went "what the fuck" out loud. i spent 4 hours at work today just doing systems diagramming and my brain is fried. clearly. keeping this here for my own entertainment.)
#im kind of tired im sorry if this makes no sense lmao. i appreciate the ask! sorry if my answer comes off as flippant. i do get where you're#coming from and wanted to share how im personally choosing to approsch it haha#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e92#bell's hells#spar speaks#ask away!#speculation#fcg#imo its like how we probably wont be getting situations like marisha shellshocked live tweeting after jester saved beau with a cupcake#but we get the cast doing sneaky little tweets before the episode airs but after theyve already experienced it#different for sure. doesnt have to be worse. thats more up to personal opinion i think#i fully wrote that chicken thing and went. thats the idiom right. and then stared at it and went. ... no. its not.#should i have waited to answer this ask? maybe. but oh well.#i should probably get some sleep though
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Surprise Bag 2024 Story (Prologue)
The April Fool's story from 2024. This is only the prologue, as the continuations are sold as story sales that I will not be purchasing. I do still think it is very funny, though.
The premise is a bodyswap, Ellis <> Jude and Elbert <> Alfons
Ever since I became a Fairytale Keeper, I like to think that my tolerance for the extraordinary has increased.
However, this latest happening in Crown far surpassed anything I had ever experienced.
"Jude": Good morning, Miss Kate. I'll make you happy today too.
Kate: ...Jude, did you... hit your head on something?
"Jude": Hm? Nope, I'm perfectly fine. Haven't hit my head on anything.
Kate: What happened to your usual terrible attitude?! Did you catch a cold? Are you injured? We have to go to the hospital now--
"Ellis": Tch, the hell is this?
"Jude": Ah, Jude.
"Jude": Huh? Jude, why are you me?
"Ellis": I should be the one asking. Why the hell are you me?
Kate: Wha? Huh??
"Elbert": Ahha! Something terribly amusing seems to have happened, hasn't it?
Kate: Alf- Eh, Lord Elbert?
Kate: Wait, so then is that 'Alfons' standing behind you...?
"Alfons": ...When I looked in the mirror, I became Al.
"Elbert": Being able to look at oneself from the point of view of an outsider truly is fascinating.
"Elbert": Oh yes, El. Do speak more energetically. It's unsettling to hear myeslf sound so glum.
"Alfons": ...More energetically? ...I'll, try...
"Alfons": ........Ahha.
"Elbert": I suppose that's my mistake for asking you to be more energetic.
Kate: Wait, just hold on a second. So what's happened is...
Kate: ...Jude and Ellis, and then Lord Elbert and Alfons have swapped bodies!?
Kate: What kind of ridiculous situation is this...!?
"Ellis": It's that goddamn doctor bastard's fault. I'll kill him.
---
Gathering the remainder of Crown, we questioned Roger about the circumstances. He let out an unrestrained laugh.
Roger: My bad, my bad. Who'd ever think that the results would pay off this quickly? Aren't I a genius?
Victor: Now's not the time, Roger! What did you do to cause this adorable- excuse me, very troubling situation?
Liam: Victor, you're not hiding your true feelings very well. Your words and face don't match at all.
Roger: I had the thought of swapping a cursed person with a normal person. That could lead to the curse transferring, couldn't it? So I was doing some research.
William: Your unquenchable thirst for knowledge is admirable indeed. But if that were the case, shouldn't you be experimenting with a cursed person and a normal human?
Roger: It'd be pretty dangerous for us if something went wrong while I was experimenting on a normal person, wouldn't it? I thought I'd test things out on these guys first.
Harrison: Just what do you think we are? We die just as easy as normal people, you know.
"Elbert": Let's toss that musclehead four-eyes into the Thames.
"Ellis": Yeah. Fix some stone weights to him and it'll be over quick.
Kate: Stop, stop! Don't say things like that wearing Elbert and Ellis's faces!
"Jude": But that's pretty amazing, Roger. I never thought that medicine like this could exist.
Liam: ...Jude being all soft is- nope, that's just weird!
Roger: Don't worry so much. Once I've collected enough data from you lot, I'll whip up an antidote.
Roger: ........Once I've got an antidote, I can start testing on the others.
Harrison: ...You just said something awful, didn't you?
Roger: Don't know what you're talking about.
"Elbert": You're acting like you're in any position to bargain about turning us back? Pardon my French, but go die.
Harrison: Yikes... Uh, Liam? Hey, Liam, hey. Did he fall asleep?
"Jude": Sorry, I touched his head. I was curious about whether I could use Jude's power or not.
Roger: Huh, so the ability stays with the body. I really am a genius after all, aren't I?
(This isn't helping anymore...!)
Kate: A-anyway! Please make that antidote as soon as possible, Roger!
Kate: ...Geez. What are we going to do if Her Majesty hears about this?
Roger: Well, I might end up getting fired...
Roger: ...So it's up to you to watch over the lot of them to make sure nobody else finds out about this, little lady.
Kate: Huh? ...Roger? Wait!
"Ellis": Tch... Fuck it. Let him get kicked out.
"Jude": Ah, Jude, my body isn't used to--
"Ellis": *cough, cough*... Ellis. First thing we're doing is to start training so you can at least handle one cigar.
"Elbert": Hmm... with a face like this, I could get away with doing pretty much anything, don't you think?
"Alfons": ...Kate, is this spoon beautiful?
Kate: M-my poor sanity...!
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ใ CRIMINAL CONSCIENCE ใ
SYNOPSIS moving rapidly through your career as one of the leading female investigators, you never once encountered a case you couldn't crack. though you never expected for your past mistakes to come back and haunt you in the form of an ex lover, accused of murder.
pairings criminal!beomgyu x investigator!reader
warnings for tape 02 drinking, lightly hinted sexual themes, red flag beomgyu, mentions of drug dealing.
GENERAL WARNINGS โ this story contains dark themes, portraying unhealthy and toxic relationships as well as substance abuse. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.
โ NOTE!, this story is partly told in flashbacks. beware of time stamps as present and past is mixed throughout the story.
#serene adds โ... I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I want the dynamic between the reader and Beomgyu to play out. As the story progresses it will become a lot more evident, also gentle reminder that Beomgyu is a piece of shit with some morals (when it suits him).
the tape recordings
tape 02 โ red lipstick stains
February 19th 2024 โ present timeย
โIs everything alright?โ Hueningโs light voice easily parts the dark clouds fogging your mind and your eyes snap to him as you blink a couple of times. โYouโve barely touched your foodโ, he comments as he casts a glance toward your almost full plate.ย
Pushing said food around leisurely with your fork, you sigh, โIโm not feeling particularly hungry today I supposeโ. Your colleague frowns as he sets his own fork down, โdoes it have anything to do with the case you were assigned this morning?โ.ย
You look at him as you gnaw on your bottom lip, you don't want to lie, especially not to Huening. But was it such a good idea to tell him about who exactly you had been assigned. You figured it probably wasnโt.ย
It wasnโt that you didnโt trust Huening kai, but if word got around the office, well it certainly wouldnโt look good on either yours or Yeonjunโs part. Besides, you really didnโt feel like pulling the whole story for him, not when you had already promised Yeonjun that you would later that night.ย
โNo, Iโve just been tired latelyโ, you shrug as you reach for your glass. Huening doesnโt seem convinced as he studies your expressionless face. โSorry, Iโm not exactly good company right nowโ, you mumble against the rim of the glass.ย
โYouโre always great company, noonaโ he beams and you smile. โYouโre great company too, Hueningโ you say and your younger colleague blushes furiously as he occupies himself with his food.ย
You liked spending time with Huening kai, he was so easygoing and the atmosphere would always feel light whenever he was around. The restaurant he had taken you to was a small family owned business, perfectly situated on the corner of the street in the most central part of your city.ย
From your table by the window you had a perfect view of the large park, though the flowers had yet to bloom and the tree branches remained naked you still found it to be a beautiful sight.ย
Beomgyu had rarely taken you out to restaurants. In fact he rarely took you out at all. Back then you didnโt see a problem with that, but then again, there were a lot of things you had disregarded in better judgment of Choi Beomgyu.ย
31st March 2022ย
It had been three long days since your first encounter with Beomgyu. And for those three days you hadnโt stopped thinking about him. On your way to class, in class, after class, on your way to work, during work, after work.ย
He was everywhere yet nowhere. After the night you had spent together you had woken up to an empty bed, no note left behind. Beomgyu had given you no way to contact him. Perhaps that should have been your first warning.ย
Had Kayla been right all along? Did he really never see the same woman twice? Yet his words remained engraved in your brain;ย
โI like you dollface, Iโll keep youโ.ย
Iโll keep you. How did you keep someone you couldnโt even contact? Of course you had kept the whole encounter from your nosey friend. As Kayla pestered you about where you had gotten off to during the evening, without as much as a word to your bestest friend, you dismissed her, making up some bullshit lie about getting a cab home to not ruin her night.ย
Perhaps you should have just taken a cab home that night, perhaps things wouldโve turned out different if you did. But there was no changing the past.ย
It was late at night when your usually dry phone chimed with a notification. Had you not still been up to finish your coursework you probably would have missed it. Grabbing the device, an unfamiliar number flashed on the screen. The text was short, only reading out one sentence.ย
โ75-4, Seongbuk-gu, Seoul, 1.30am.โย
You frown, an address? As you open the message you find that you canโt reply, how odd. Part of you knows better than to give the mysterious message more than another thought. But something about it felt familiar, was that strange to think?ย
The sender had left no signature, yet you were almost certain who had sent it.ย
What did you have to lose? With that thought in mind you swing your legs over the edge of your bed as you get up.ย
Typing in the address on your phone you find that itโs, โa nightclub?โ. It was situated in a part of town that you were unfamiliar with. The large buildings looked slightly worn down and as you dwelled deeper into the narrow alleyways you started to question your decision.ย
But you couldnโt go back now, you had to find out if he was actually the one who sent the message. The night breeze causes shivers to ripple through your body and you pull your arms around yourself as you quicken your pace.ย
Soon a faint light comes into vision and the thumping of loud music can be heard. You donโt know whether to feel relieved or not, but you keep on walking. As you double check the address on your phone you throw a glance at the time, 1.28am.ย
You swallow hard, an attempt to cover the fast beating of your heart. When you approach the door a large man turns to look at you. He looked like your typical bouncer, absolutely fucking jacked and covered in tattoos.ย
The man raised an eyebrow as he took in the state of you. โYou lost, little girl?โ he asks in an amused tone. Your throat goes dry as you look up at him, โIโฆuhโ.ย
He chuckles, โkindergarten is down the street and to your rightโ, he gestures with a large hand. The bouncerโs words cause a frown to cross your features, kindergarten? Sure you werenโt exactly your typical bimbo, but did you really look that out of place?ย
Oh who were you kidding, of course you did. What were you even thinking coming here, on your own too. There was no way you were going to be let inside this club. What a waste of time. Internally groaning, you prepare to leave when a figure suddenly appears in the doorway.ย
โDollface, you made itโ, Beomgyuโs dark eyes perfectly match the smirk playing on his lips. He pushes past the bouncer who immediately steps aside and gives him a quick bow.ย
A ring clad hand finds your waist as Beomgyu pulls you to his side. Your eyes widen in surprise as you stammer for words. When you pass the bouncer Beomgyu mutters something to the man that you canโt quite catch. Youโre unable to give it much thought as youโre led inside the beating club.ย
The atmosphere of it all is no different from any other club you had been to, sweat, alcohol and sex filled the hot air. Yet there was something special about this place, it felt almost exquisite, and the people here seemed to be aware of it.ย
Instead of a bar, drinks were being served by the multiple waiters pacing around the outlines of the dancefloor. Several booths clad in purple velvet filled the walls, you expected Beomgyu to lead you to one of them,though his eyes seemed to be set on the large staircase leading to the second floor as he pushed through the dancefloor.ย
Immediately eyes were drawn to him as people stepped aside to make room for him to pass. What made him so special? You were barely spared a glance apart from an occasional glare sent by the many women surrounding you.
When you made it to the stairs, Beomgyu's hand traveled from your waist to your lower back as he guided you toward the large purple doors at the top. As the two of you approached, the bouncers stepped aside and gave Beomgyu a quick bow, he barely seemed to notice them.ย
โIsnโt this the VIP section?โ you whisper under your breath as you survey the area. It was much quieter here and the air felt almost cleaner. โClever girlโ, Beomgyu smirks as he leads you to one of the few larger booths.ย
You quickly realized that the two of you werenโt going to be alone. A man in his late twenties sat by the booth as he swished a drink around in his hand. You didnโt recognize him and when Beomgyu called out to him, his name rang no bells.ย
โDuri!โ he exclaims and the man looks up from his drink with a grin on his face. โI was beginning to think youโd stood me upโ, Duri says as he studies Beomgyuโs frame, gaze stopping at the way his hand rests on your lower back. โThough I now realize what kept me waitingโ, his eyes shift to you as he gives you a wink.ย
โI, uhโฆhelloโ, you give him an awkward wave and the man bursts into laughter, Beomgyu however doesnโt seem to share his amusement. โPretty little thing you got thereโ, Duri comments as he reaches for his drink once more, โwhatโs your name, love?โ.ย
โOh, itโsโโ
โDollface, this is my old friend, Duriโ, Beomgyu interrupts as he gestures toward the man in front of you. โDuri, this is Dollfaceโ. You glance up toward Beomgyu with a slight frown but he doesnโt seem to notice as he pulls you along to sit next to him.ย
Duri hums as he eyes you carefully, โnice to meet youโ, he then says. โUh, you tooโฆโ, you mumble, your words coming out as a squeak when Beomgyuโs hand finds your thigh, cold rings stinging your naked skin.ย
His free hand quickly calls over one of the many waiters and he turns to look at you, โwhat do you want, doll?โ. โOh anything is fineโฆIโll just have what youโre havingโ, you tell him and Beomgyu smirks as he turns back to the waiter, โmy usual, and make it twoโ. The waiter bows before quickly rushing off again.ย
You lean back against the smooth velvet as Beomgyu and Duri indulge in a conversation regarding topics that made little sense in your ears. You wondered why Beomgyu hadnโt introduced you, was he ashamed of you? But why bring you along if he was ashamed, it made little sense.ย
Suddenly youโre reminded of Kaylaโs warnings, you realize what kind of people Beomgyu might have connections to. Was Duri one of those? Was that why he didnโt want you to give out your name?ย
Your mind spun with different scenarios, much so that you didnโt notice your drinks arriving. Not until Beomgyu brings the glass to your lips and mumbles a quiet, โopen upโ.ย
Doing as he says without hesitation, the warm liquor burns your throat. It was unlike anything you had ever tasted before and it wasโฆ โthis is really goodโ, you murmur as you take the glass from Beomgyuโs hand. He smirks, โknew youโd like it, dollfaceโ.ย
Raising an eyebrow, you sip on your drink, โwhy, you seem to know everything about me alreadyโ, you grin. Beomgyuโs eyes twinkle in an unexplainable way as he brings his own drink to his lips. โYouโd be surprisedโ.ย
To Beomgyuโs right, Duri clears his throat, โwell it seems my date for the night has arrivedโ. As he gets up he gives you a quick glance, โpleasure meeting you, โdollfaceโโ, he says before making his way over to one of the many half naked girls crowding the rest of the booths.
Surprised at his sudden leave, your eyes follow the man before returning to the one next to you. โWho was he?โ you ask and Beomgyu raises an eyebrow as he looks at you, โan old friendโ.ย
You frown, there was no way he was telling the truth, yet you couldnโt bring yourself to question him further, reminding yourself that you barely knew the man. โIf heโs an old friend, then why didnโt you introduce me?โย
Beomgyu takes a sip of his drink before setting it down, his hand returning to your thigh once more, โI didโ. Shaking your head you twist around on the spot to look at him fully, โwhy not my name?โ.ย
โWhatโs it to him?โ he mutters as his free hand runs through your hair before stopping to rest on your shoulder. Your frown deepens upon hearing his words, โheโs your friendโ, you state. โPerhapsโ, Beomgyu says as he casts a glance toward Duri whose hand was down the skirt of the girl he had just walked up to, โbut not a friend you should be acquainted withโ.ย
โWhy?โย
He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth but doesnโt reply. โDid he do something bad?โ you press but Beomgyu doesnโt budge. โHavenโt we all?โ he says as he empties the last of his drink.ย
โYes butโโย
โDrop it, dollfaceโ, Beomgyuโs voice is so cold that it could've easily brought back the ice age. Gulping you look down to your half empty glass, the drink seeming to have lost all its taste.ย
His answer however made you almost certain of one thing, that Duri was a dealer, he had to be. Thatโs how Beomgyu knew him, it had to be. Then that would mean that Beomgyu alsoโฆ No, maybe he just bought from him every now and then. A small amount couldnโt be that bad right? As long as he had it under control, and he did, didn't he?
Back then you didnโt know it, but Beomgyu loved his control. More than a lot of things, more than a lot of people.ย
You glance up at him once more, a thousand questions prodding at your lips, you chose one. โHow did you get my number?โ
Beomgyu groans, โfuck dollface, you ask a lot of questionsโ. His hand on your shoulder moves to the nape of your neck as he pulls your lips flush against his in a hot kiss. Beomgyu was good at avoiding questions, perhaps a little too good.ย
That should have been your second warning.
19th February 2024 โ present time
Beomgyu hadnโt changed a lot in the ten months you had gone without seeing him. There were only a few noticeable differences. His hair had gotten longer, the ends looked thinner and less well kept. Dark circles clad the area under his eyes, it was something you had never seen on him before.ย
His otherwise charismatic persona had yet to leave him as he cracked jokes at any given moment. Ah, and he was still a little too good at avoiding questions.ย
โWhat is your relationship to Park Baekhyun?โ you ask. Beomgyu twists the rings on his fingers as he hums softly. As his eyes find yours a grin spreads across his lips, โwhatโs your relationship to that guy?โ.ย
You frown, what guy? โI advise you to answer my questions instead of diverting to otherโโ โThe guy in the doorway, from earlierโ, Beomgyu interrupts you as his eyes scan your expression for answers, for insecurities.ย
โThat was my colleagueโ, you say, mentally scolding yourself for letting Huening drop you off at the investigation rooms after your lunch together.ย
โReally?โ Beomgyuโs eyebrows raise in a fake-surprise, โdidnโt look like it to meโ. You roll your eyes, โwhat you think does not matter, now if you would regain focus and answer my questโโ โHe your boyfriend or something?โย
Beomgyuโs expression holds no hint of amusement as he leans back in his chair, rocking on its back legs. You almost wanted to laugh. After everything, he still thought he had a say in anything regarding your life, regarding you.ย
โHe might beโ.ย
โBullshitโ. Beomgyu leans forward again, the front legs of his chair slamming down on the stone floor.ย
You donโt flinch at the sound, you donโt move from your position even when Beomgyuโs face comes so close to yours that you can feel his hot breath on your face.ย
Fighting the urge to smile, you tilt your head to the side. โIs it so hard to believe?โ You watch as Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheek as he studies your face, when he doesnโt find what heโs looking for he lets out a huff of air as he leans back again.ย
โHeโs not your typeโ, he then says and itโs now your turn to fake surprise as you cross your arms, โwho says?โ. Beomgyu scoffs, โfunny, dollfaceโ. โYou forget, I know everything about youโ, his tongue swipes over his bottom lip and you find your eyes lingering.ย
โKnewโ, you then say, โyou knew everything about meโ.ย
Beomgyu looks at you with an expression that could only be explained as rage filled. โThings change, Beomgyuโ, you then say, putting pressure on his name, โpeople change, I changedโ.ย
โItโs a shame you didnโtโ, you give him a sympathetic look. Beomgyuโs fist slams down on the metal table, causing the cuffs around his wrists to rattle. You donโt flinch. It angers him even more.ย
โI think itโs best we end todayโs session hereโ, you stand up and straighten your shirt. Beomgyu remains silent as he glares at you. It isnโt until you reach the door, one hand on the handle, that he finally speaks again.ย
โIs red his favorite color too?โย
You freeze, โwhat?โ. Beomgyu chuckles behind you, but his laugh holds no warmth. You turn to look at him, what had made him bring such a thing up. It isn't until his gaze travels to your lips that realization hits you.ย
You had meant to get rid of that lipstick months ago. You had simply forgotten to, right? It was a mere coincidence that it presented itself on your desk so prettily this morning, and you had been in a rush too, not looking to see which exact product youโd taken.ย
Beomgyu smirks, โyou still look fucking irresistable in itโ, he says as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.ย
Quickly composing yourself, you pull your eyes from his lips. โMy boyfriend thinks so tooโ, you say and before he has the chance to reply youโre out of the room, slamming the door shut behind you as you lean against it.ย
Fuck, he still made your heart almost beat out of your chest.ย
That night had been a restless one, spent going through the few pieces of Beomgyu you had left. The pieces you had clung onto, like your life depended on it. And maybe it didโmaybe back then it did.ย
They were few but important, a necklace, a perfume, a shirt, polaroids andโฆthe red lipstick. Turning the small shiny tube between your fingers, you admire it. It was the first gift Beomgyu had given to you.ย
It came in a small box, wrapped in gold with a red bow on top. Beomgyu had watched closely as your shaking fingers ripped the packaging apart. When you so carefully lifted the lid to reveal the small product inside your eyes had widened.ย
โIโ Beomgyu this isโฆโ you had mumbled as your fingers grazed the outline of the lipstick. โTry it onโ, he whispered as his fingers brushed a strand of hair from your face.ย
You screwed the bottom of the tube, revealing its deep red color. With trembling hands you had applied it, it turned out to be rather difficult without a mirror. As you put the lid back onto the lipstick you turned to look to Beomgyu.ย
The smirk on his lips widened, exposing sharp teeth, his thumb grazed your bottom lip as it swept away any excess product. โNow you look like a real dollโ, he mumbled as he caressed your flushed cheek.ย
โIโll wear itโ, you whispered as you leaned into his touch. Beomgyu hummed in approval as he pressed his lips against your freshly painted ones.ย
โGood, red is my favorite colorโ.ย
end of tape 02
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Writing Character CHANGE
Character development is absolutely CRUCIAL to a story, but having spent more time thinking about this topic, I came to the realization that I misunderstood a lot of points other people have made when teaching how to write character development.
There are a lot of factors that play into character development, but in this post, I'll cover some overall, but the main thing concerns any change to your character! (Which is also a huge part in development, really.)
So with this post, I'll be teaching you MY personal tips regarding this subject!
*The Basics*
Before we really get into the developmental stage, there are some things you want to establish, in which I'll explain later!
A couple of flaws.
How your character views themselves at first.
Your character's morals/ideals and how they think.
These things may vary, but you want your readers to be able to at least roughly predict how your character will act during specific events!
*Change*
Character development is just about how your character changes throughout the story. I like to say that there are several different ways one may change, (we'll get into that later on) but your character should NOT stay the same as the same person during the exposition and during the resolution!
"During character development, your character should grow."
This is a common piece of advice; your character needs to grow. And while I've assumed for the longest time that I understood what it meant, it never truly clicked.
While they will use words such as grow, what they really mean is that your character should mature. By the end of your story, your character may not always end up as a better person. When I say mature, I mean that they have reflected back on their life and have understood the consequences that came with their actions (if any) or how they could've done things differently.
Your character will not always end up as a better, fixed person, but they should understand their world and themselves better.
*Negative/Passive Change*
Alright then, so how does a character develop if they don't necessarily change for the better? Well, I'll get into that!
No matter what, your character should have learned a lesson through their experience. Even if they haven't exactly improved as a person, there should be a moral they can learn from what they have gone through.
If not, then did they really grow?
Additionally, how did their qualities negatively impact themselves? If they are bad traits, then it needs to be clear. And the best way to achieve this is by demonstrating how it hurts your character! However, it is rather uncommon for a character to undergo little to no change after a story!
*Positive Change*
Let's circle back to the basics, real quick. Remember how I said that before any development takes place, your character should be anything but perfect? That same thing applies to after the change.
Do NOT create a flawless character by the end of your story. Instead, focus on one or two flaws that get fixed as the story continues. These don't have to be huge, life-changing imperfections, but they can be minor ones that still shape their life in one way or another.
"Fixing" too many shortcomings can make your character seem, well, out of character, producing a character development that's more forced. The same thing applies if you're attempting to FULLY alter a fault that's just too big. The change will be too noticeable.
What am I talking about? Here's an example!
Imagine a character who's incredibly closed off to other people, wanting to ensure that he never gets too close to others.
That's a pretty sizable flaw, no? By the end of your story, you do not want to completely change because you need to preserve character, but you can change it a bit. Does he have a few friends now? Does he understand that there are some people worth trusting?
He may still be closed off to majority of people, but at least it's not everyone, and that's a realistic change.
*Different Changes*
As I continue to read more stories and watch more shows, I have realized that character development is not always about fixing flaws or personality, but it can extend far past that line.
So listen up, because I feel like no one really talks about this.
Your character can change their IDEALS, MORALS, and how they VIEW THEMSELVES.
Hear that? If your character has strong morals, they will hardly stay the same as they reach the end. Remember the requirements I mentioned at the beginning?
See how it connects now? There is SO much more to character development than changing a few imperfections. Like I said in the start, your character needs to grow and mature. Things like new morals or ideals assist with that!
*SUMMARY*
In order to start character development, you need a couple of flaws, an idea of how your character looks at themselves, and their morals. This is because those are the main parts of you character that may change through time.
Growth = Maturing (gaining a better sense of who they are and the world they live in.)
NOT ALL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS POSITIVE!
For negative or passive change, make sure to clarify how their imperfections affected or hurt them and have some sort of moral that follows.
YOUR CHARACTER SHOULD NOT BE PERFECT!
They should not be perfect in the beginning, and not perfect in the end! Do not 'fix' too many traits because you want to preserve character.
I think that's all! It's quite the post for something so simple, eh? But hey, character development is absolutely PIVOTAL to a story so I hope I at least explained the 'change' part of that well!
Happy writing~
3hks <3
#writing#writeblr#writerscommunity#writing tips#creative writing#writing inspo#writing advice#character writing#writing characters development#character development#character change#writing characters change#character building#tips on character development#tips on character building#advice on character building#advice on character development
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Shลgun writers on Blackthorne's journey, A Dream of a Dream's theme of letting go
Emily Yoshida (writer): "Blackthorne's fate is so interesting, and totally unexpected. People are going to see in it what they wanna see, because there's a lot of ways you can read it. It could be somehow worse than death, like a purgatory of some sort. And then there's a way in which you can read it as a life of devotion to something beyond him, which has been something that has been a struggle for him. How do you view Blackthorne's fate?"
Justin Marks (co-creator): "I think Blackthorne's journey in this episode to the place where it lands, in such a beautiful and powerful scene between Blackthorne and Toranaga - on that hill where he offers up his own life. That's the journey that I hope all of us are on, if we're trying to understand how we interact with cultures we don't know. We want to forge relationships with people that go on, but we don't necessarily speak the same cultural or spiritual - or literal - language.
Which is to say, Blackthorne has been a prisoner of his own ambition. Which one might call the disease of colonialism - or capitalism, too. This idea of a man who is so bound by his ambition and where he belongs in this world, and what is owed to him, that he is the worst prisoner of all. So is Yabushige. They're both like this. And Yabushige never comes to that awakening, and finds himself dying here.
But for Blackthorne, it revolves crucially on this idea of what we call the 'false dream'. We wanted to open this episode on what feels like the beginning of a flashback structure, where we jump forward into the future, and we meet Blackthorne as an old man, and we tell the story of an old man looking back. And looking back with regret on the life that he led.
Only to realise that that was not the dream of an old man looking back - it was the dream of a young man looking forward to one possible version of his life. A version of his life that he has to draw to an end by killing that path. What Blackthorne is trying to kill there isn't himself, it's the version of himself that he's always been.
When Toranaga knocks that knife out of his hand and looks down at him, he's looking at a man reborn now, to a completely different life.
What is powerful is the idea of a man finally, spiritually, letting go. And this is something that we talked about from the very beginning, Cosmo and I. This whole story for Blackthorne is really just a story of a man learning to let go."
Shลgun official podcast Episode 10: A Dream of a Dream
#shลgun#shogun#shogun fx#hiroyuki sanada#cosmo jarvis#john blackthorne#yoshii toranaga#adaptationsdaily#dailyflicks#perioddramaedit#cinematv#tvandfilm#shogun spoilers#shogun 2024#writing#writer stuff
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Hello! Want to double check that I've done a decent job of avoiding disfiguremisia, and try to turn it into great counter to hatred instead of just an okay one.
Preface: I have a form of memory loss and likely brain damage so I cannot always phrase things clearly although I will try my best.
Personally I do not feel happy reading escapist stories as that happy ending is not achievable for real people. We don't get to live in a place that's completely safe and free from judgement. I'd like to write people in a hostile world who find love and safety and community, however this does necessite writing hostility. I want to make sure I'm doing so with care.
I would like to make sure that the hostility written as tension does not tar how I write how one of the main characters. He should be written with dignity and respect even when he is not being treated well by those around him.
One of my characters is blind and develops severe burn scars. He wears a blindfold to help with photophobia and sensory overwhelm, but takes it off when its dim. (CVI plus autism.)
While he does wear a cloth coverings in public due to ugly laws, he views it as a ridiculous requirement and happily removes this mask when with friends. He also enjoys that being visibly strange or somewhat unnerving to most people means that shallow people who judge by appearances avoid him.
Question: what other things might I be able to employ to counter disfiguremisia? I have him being content with his face as it tells a story of his life and he's a blunt, forward person, not covering his face for most of the story despite laws necessitating that he do so, and a few other things too (and many side characters with facial differences and deformities also).
Also none of the central plotlines centre around facial difference. He's joining a servant rebellion, befriending a bitter exile intent on status at all costs, and discovering the truth of history. (Also a mind controlling octopus being is involved and a semi sentient moon amalgam thing but don't worry about it everything's fine.)
I think later books will be a more effective counter due to lack of ugly laws and him finding a lovely interest. I will also do my best to make the counters feel real and feasible - I want it to feel like an achievable option for those who deal with prejudice in the real world. I want his happy ending to feel real.
I respect the hell out of escapist fantasies it's just that they do nothing for me personally. I really want to write someone dealing with a lot - more than I ever have - and coming out the other end happy. Yes this world is hostile and will judge me but I can find joy despite it all. Some say the world is universally cruel but I have not found this to be the case. It is wise to be wary but myself and friends can create small sections of time and space where no precautions are necessary. Am I not part of the world? Are not they? The world is not universally cruel as long as I and those I treasure live in and we are not extraordinary, simply uncommon, and what is uncommon is still a great bounty. (Something to that effect.)
I'm set on what I want to write but the specifics I'm more than happy to change in order to bring joy. Do you have ideas on how I can do this full idea full justice?
Hello,
before getting to your actual ask, I have a "few" questions about the premise of the story itself.
You mention that you don't like escapist fantasies - that's fair. Taste differs; you can write whatever and that's great. But I do find the insistence to write a story about a specific type of discrimination as an outsider rather strange.
If you want to have facial difference representation, I assume you want to have readers with facial differences, correct? I mean, I don't think that many able-bodied people would be too interested in it specifically considering most don't know what it is. So okay, this is supposed to be a story of characters with facial differences overcoming centuries worth of hatred and all that. Arguably more, considering that disfiguremisia and ableism go all the way back to Biblical times.
Why are you the person who needs to tell this story?
Just as people with facial differences are readers, we can be authors as well. We tell our stories. I will take an #OwnVoices book over a one that isn't that any day, and this fact will influence the rest of this answer. I'm a firm believer in #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs and all when it comes to this stuff.
Have you talked to people with facial differences who would be interested in the kind of story you want to tell? Do you know what they want to see from an author that's not taking it from their own experience? I don't count here, because as I made clear before, I'm not and won't be interested in it. I also don't know anyone in the community who has ever said "I wish more people without our experiences wrote about how hard it is to be us!". You need to make sure there are people who want this.
So, have, or will you, reach out to those that could like it? Sensitivity readers, random people online who like to read about disfiguremisia in their free time, advocates who work on media-centric problems? Anyone who would enjoy it is automatically a better candidate to help than me. I'm too jaded, I suppose.
If you want to talk about people with facial differences in such detail and setting, you need to get to know us. One guy with a specific set of opinions from a blog on Tumblr isn't that (thank god), but I guess I can serve as a reminder that not everyone will be excited to read a book that represents them in some way. We still have preferences.
To write it, you need to involve yourself in the community, start actually spreading activism about our issues. Preach about Face Equality and celebrate when our once-a-year week happens in May. See what disfiguremisia causes. Share our efforts to get all the problematic garbage off the big screen. Read our stories. Understand us as people who are incredibly diverse, and that not all of us like to be described as strange or unnerving.
If you only want to talk about our suffering as some quota to fill on a "types of discrimination" list, it will always be flat and inauthentic, and if you don't put in the effort it's pointless. We don't want tragedy porn, and we don't need to be included in every story about struggles that just wants some brand-new type of bigotry in it. We want authors who care about us, the living and breathing people. And sometimes it might mean respecting our opinions on writing disfiguremisia.
Here is a great post by @writingwithcolor explaining the effects of tragedy exploitation. Not everything there applies, but I would consider it a very valuable read.
If you think about all this, and decide that you are ready to write such a heavy, community-based story, go ahead to...
Actual Answers! Hooray
what other things might I be able to employ to counter disfiguremisia?
Sympathize with him. Disfiguremisia is a tragedy, it's brutal and it hurts. It's traumatic and impossible to forget, even if it wasn't happening constantly just to remind us that it's still there. On this note, I would recommend you research writing characters with PTSD.
Have him think about it. Sometimes I get home after getting stared down on the street and just want to yell. You don't forget a microaggression or a hate crime after five minutes. Let him vent and let him be upset. He can have flashbacks or recall similar situations that happened in the past.
I'm glad that he's aware of disfiguremisia unlike a ton of characters who are somehow always unable to figure out that it's a problem. If the ableism he's facing is so systemic and severe, individual people will be even more extreme. You can have him remember that the shop owner was a slur-spitting bigot, or that his neighbors avoid even talking to him. I want him to call them out - in retrospective, at the moment, in his head, whatever - on what they're doing. Throw a "not this fucking thing again" or something in there.
The minimum is to make him feel like a human with an internal thought process, who is able to actually experience what's happening to him, and for it to have long-term effects.
Also, outside of the whole disfiguremisia thing and me being overdramatic, check out our #blindness tag, and research burn scar care. If you don't show the boring and mundane, it will only feel closer to tragedy porn; just a sad thing one after another.
I will also do my best to make the counters feel real and feasible - I want it to feel like an achievable option for those who deal with prejudice in the real world.
This I think is the part of the ask that made me the saddest, and not because of what you wrote. I tried to think of achievable ways; ways that we did it, tried to do it, and are doing it, and one-by-one I crossed them out as "didn't work", "no one cared enough" or "kinda worked but honestly, it didn't". Face Equality is basically non-existent, not matter how much it hurts me to admit it! We are trying our best, and it doesn't work. It's just plain hard for me to come up with suggestions for this.
In fiction, I suppose that personal resistance is the way when it comes to this. I don't think there are feasible systemic changes that could happen that don't border on magical thinking or get into the "singular glorious revolution that somehow fixes everything and everyone lived happy ever after. We fixed racism, yay!". This just sucks.He could try to educate the people who are willing to listen - that's somewhat what I'm trying to pull off here on this blog, I guess. Sometimes it works, often it doesn't, but in his situation it wouldn't hurt to try.
The fundamental part here will be whether your character is able to find a way to make the ordinary person care in the end. To me, society who still hates us just as much, with a small group that thinks we're okay isn't a happy ending. The opposite, rather. It's cold and isolating to know only your friends could value you as a human being, and downright sad to imply that we should be happy for that. I don't mean that everyone should love us in every story, but there's a difference between The Ableism being represented by an antagonist or two versus the entire world except for the main characters.
If you decide to go forward with this story, I do hope your other readers with facial differences enjoy it!
mod Sasza
[This ask was submitted before my announcement of not taking questions regarding this subject matter. As of publishing this, it still applies.]
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The Apothecary Diaries
S1E16 First Watch
Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.
To start at the beginning:
Episode 1
My character/locations cheat sheet
Suiren - Jinshi's attendant
Lakan - mysterious officer
Basan - an officer who works in the palace
Jinshi is deeply divided on whether he should have allowed Lakan access to Maomao. He's going to feel pretty guilty if things go badly.
Jinshi explains the details of the case of the metalworker's estate to Maomao. She's always interested in a mystery.
Jinshi: What's with all the sudden enthusiasm?
Dude is asking a question he knows the answer to.
Solving mysteries is where Maomao shines. Jinshi knows this better than anyone. It's one of the things that knocked him head-over-heels for this lady. But he's a little ticked at how easily Lakan was able to hook Maomao's interest. Lakan who hasn't even met Maomao yet, knew exactly how to lure her out. Perhaps Jinshi was hoping that Maomao would refuse, and release him from the deal he made with Lakan. Why did he agree to this? Jinshi is supremely uneasy with all of it.
As the conversation progresses Jinshi takes a more comfortable position on the couch, no longer bothering to behave as a proper palace official or even an employer in front of Maomao. Rather his pose is more like the casual sprawling one might do with family or friends. Jinshi is so persistent in how he stays open and inviting to Maomao, even in his body language. In this scene, Maomao is kneeling properly at the low table. Her body language is formal.
Lakan had provided an address to follow up with the mystery if it intrigued Maomao.
Maomao: How well prepared. It's like he anticipated this happening.
I do not like this at all. This Lakan is too good at maneuvering Maomao and Jinshi.
Maomao request a day off to look in to the case, and Jinshi is not happy. Not because she's missing work around the residence, but because she walked so willingly into Lakan's well laid plan for her. He's probably also pissed at himself for allowing this, but apparently Jinshi really wants to know the rest of Lakan's courtesan story. Jinshi can't see what Lakan has planned, and he's very worried about Maomao. Suiren is completely fine with Maomao leaving. Smiling and waving? Is she actually happy that Maomao is leaving, or is she looking forward to drowning her in work when she returns? I can't read her yet. I miss Lady Gyokuyou and the Jade Pavilion ladies who were so sweet.
Basan. Another mystery. Damn those golden eyes! Who else had eyes like that?! Maomao said he looks familiar, and he does, but like who? Gaaaaah!
Basan is suppose to escort Maomao on her investigation, and he's still acting like an ass, and I'm still wondering when I can see Jinshi fight him again. Maomao says she can tolerate his bad attitude, since she views him as harmless. That's good, because sometimes with trauma, especially from sexual trauma, aggression can be a trigger. I don't like that she has to just put up with this guy's pissy attitude.
Fuck me, Basan and Gaoshun?! Well a blood relationship between the two at least explains why Jinshi and Gaoshun feel comfortable letting this guy go all around the palace with Maomao. Is Basan a child of Gaoshun or like a nephew or something? Is this going to be enough for Maomao to at least question if Gaoshun is a eunuch or not? No. The answer is no, but she should!
Of course Maomao solves the mystery that was left by the metalworker for his sons. A majority of this episode is spent unraveling this mystery, but as far as I can tell the details aren't important to the larger story, so I'm not going to bother describing the twists and turn of it. Basically we get to see how a father would rather go to extreme lengths to create a puzzle for his sons to try to solve upon his death, then give them words of encouragement or advice while he was still alive. The youngest son tries to reconcile the family by passing on compliments he heard his father say in private and never directly to his children. Maomao wisely bows out of that bullshit, but suggests they seek medical treatment from Luomen if they develop symptoms like their father had.
On the return trip, Basan gives Maomao a considering look. Perhaps he's starting to see how brilliant and capable she is? Maybe he will try to rein in his bad attitude where it comes to Maomao? Or maybe... he will fall in love with her! I don't know why I'm looking for more drama from this show, it's already angsty enough. Even so, maybe a romantic rival would help push Jinshi and Maomao past the standstill they've come to.
Lakan is back. He thanks Jinshi for Maomao's work, which I understand within the context of this show, but it still pisses me off. It smacks of misogyny as it's a subtle way of affirming Jinshi's ownership of Maomao, and demonstrates Lakan's lack of respect for women and servants.
Lakan then goes on to explain what happened sounding far too pleased, like he's already gotten everything he wanted. Jinshi knows all of this is part of a stratagem from Lakan, but what his goal is, is yet unclear. Jinshi doesn't know what happened on Maomao's outing (in his head he refers to her as "the apothecary," here which I find odd). She never reported back about her findings. And maybe that is what has Lakan looking so smug. He's uncovered that truth that Maomao is Jinshi's courtesan in name only. And even though Jinshi may be trying to hide what he feels for Maomao from Lakan, I'm sure Lakan is aware. Maomao is a soft spot to attack or control Jinshi.
Jinshi notes that Lakan is very good at discovering people with talent. And now his attention has landed on Maomao. He talks about the three sons each finding their proper place, and I can't help but think that Lakan believes "finding one's proper place," also applies to Maomao and Jinshi. It's possible that Lakan is insinuating something to Jinshi about him not being in his proper place; perhaps he knows something about Jinshi's true identity. But more likely Lakan is thinking that Maomao is not in her proper place here in Jinshi's residence. Lakan gave her a test and he was delighted by her ability to pass it. Does he intend to remove Maomao from Jinshi's employ? This guy is definitely not done with Maomao.
Lakan: The late metalworker's creations were absolutely remarkable though. There was this simple looking metal piece, that when combined with a ritual utensil... it looked truly magnificent.
I don't know what that thing is, but Lakan's scuzzy look combined with Jinshi's disgust is enough to tell me it's something terrible. What kind of ritual are they talking about here? Jinshi straight up lets us know that this is beneath him. What kind of ritual would be something that someone in Jinshi's position would never use? Jinshi knows that Lakan knows that this is not relevant or appropriate. Lakan so very clearly said it to see how Jinshi would react. And Jinshi is doing his best to hide his thoughts and reactions, but I get the feeling that Lakan can see everything. I can only guess based on the way my stomach feels nauseous watching this exchange that this item is used for something heinous like slavery or rape. Props to the storytellers here for freaking me out. I hope I'm wrong and the horrid thing is a spoon rest.
Lakan: I simply can't abide good talent being kept buried. ... Those who possess genius should receive the appropriate praise and attention.
He's going to take Maomao! Stop him Jinshi!
And Jinshi is actually VERY interested in Lakan's method of decreasing a courtesan's value. Is it that Maomao still owes money at Verdigris House? Is this time now at Jinshi's residence just boughten time, and not the end of her contract? Is this why Jinshi wants to know how to bring her price down? Does Lakan know that Maomao may still have a debt to Verdigris House?! Does he plan to buy out the rest of her time?! Hell no! I won't accept that! What the hell is happening?!
Lakan doesn't want to admit to the fucked up thing he did to that courtesan, so he tells Jinshi to ask Maomao how to reduce her price. This guy is terrible. He told Jinshi his messed up story then left off the part that Jinshi most wanted to know, with a promise to tell him if he could have a chance to test Maomao. Which Jinshi agreed to. When Maomao fulfilled her part, Lakan goes back on his word and refuses to say. Utter trash. And Jinshi let himself be sucked into Lakan's game. I hate all of this.
Then Lakan leaves a beverage for Jinshi's "serving maids," i.e. Maomao. WTF. I am so creeped out by this guy.
Lakan: Farewell. Until tomorrow that is.
Yeah, we're not getting rid of this guy any time soon.
Jinshi collapses the instant Lakan leaves. Yes, Jinshi is going to have to continue to deal with this nightmare who keeps making Jinshi's life difficult, but what is really bothering Jinshi is that he knows he fucked up. Lakan came to see how interested Jinshi is in his concubine, and baited him with his own story about a courtesan. And Jinshi showed him, that he is actually very interested in Maomao. Jinshi also let Lakan take Maomao's measure, knowing this guy has a knack for determining and using such talents. Jinshi is definitely going to blame himself for putting Maomao in this guys sights.
Gaoshun makes a request of Jinshi, that we don't get to hear about, but in the very next scene Jinshi is changing his clothes and asking Maomao to help him with some makeup so is he planning to go out in disguise somewhere? Is he going to visit the annex (one of these episodes will show me what it is!)? What did Gaoshun say to Jinshi? I guess we will find out next time, since that's where the episode ends!
I'm so creeped out by Lakan, but it feels like we are about to get into some plot stuff now, so I'm excited for that.
To start at the beginning:
Episode 1
Next Episode:
Coming Soon!
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Ugh I really hate this notion going around that Tommy is a โstepping stoneโ for buddie like why wouldnโt Tim take this chance and tell a beautiful love story like I just donโt get people saying heโs just a stepping stone
I think the stepping stone comments mostly come from people who want to undermine Buck and Tommy's developing relationship because it's not Buddie. Some fans seem to only view Buck's bisexuality and his bi-awakening in terms of how it can lead to Buddie, almost as if Buck being bisexual isn't important otherwise. For them Tommy is either a stepping stone and/or a road block because all they care about is Buddie being canon.
I hope the writers don't treat Buck and Tommy's relationship as just a stepping stone to Buddie but I don't know what they're going to do or where the story is headed. From the way Tim, Oliver, and Lou have spoken about things it seems like they see the importance of Buck and Tommy's relationship outside of any connection to Buddie. It seems like they're interested in telling a fun love story between Buck and Tommy. I guess we'll see what happens.
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An Open Letter to a Professional Author
I came across a writer here who I imagine will probably never see this, but their presence was enough to make me pretty mad for two days now. I've decided to pen a little statement to this Long-Term, Professional, Full-Time, Published Author who makes a habit out of being deeply unpleasant in a way that apparently has only attracted an audience of other deeply unpleasant people.
People here seem to like it when I get mad. So, uh, enjoy?
Dear Professional Author,
I came across a post of yours on some feed here the other day and enjoyed your commentary. It was one of those writing memes that sort of called attention to actually writing as opposed to just thinking about your project - the kind that people usually respond to with some sort of joke expressing their repulsion at the concept.
You responded with distaste and I generally agreed. The tone was a little aggressive for me, but that kind of humor also leaves me generally confused. I personally ended up concluding that the self-deprecating humor was a coping mechanism for a larger issue that keeps these people from writing - intimidation, lack of confidence, physical or mental pain, things like that. You seemed to think it was a matter of will, which I found to be an approach that at the very least was well-intentioned.
Turns out it wasn't.
First off, I should say that this isn't about your political beliefs. Your political beliefs that are really more like general human beliefs. I don't want to get into that. Instead, I just want to talk about your writing. You are a full-time, published author, as you say in nearly post where you talk about writing. A major point of pride to you seems to be the fact that you are traditionally published. Any other method doesn't seem to be as legitimate to you. That's interesting to me.
You also don't seem to have much of an audience outside of people who mainly come to agree with your politics. I didn't really see a single positive interaction between you and another writer on here for as much as I was willing to scroll through your blog. That's also interesting to me.
I didn't spent too much time on your blog once I realized that you were definitely not the kind of person I would ever want any interaction with. What I did want to do is use your presence indirectly to prove a point that I've been wanting to get into for some time now.
To put it simply, I'll say this: a career in professional writing is not actually as cool or important as you might think it is.
Now I'll be direct and say that I've never been traditionally published for anything longer than a short story or long-term, unpaid column. You don't give any details on any of your writing, as far as I've seen (Once again - interesting!), so there's a chance you've made more in contracts and royalties than I have. But I'm a working writer. I've had a career in ghostwriting and technical writing. I've written and produced plays that have been featured in festivals in multiple states. I'm not speaking from a place of no experience, is what I mean to say.
What I also mean to say is that - while I view writing in many ways as a spiritual and healing act that I couldn't live without - it's also a job. It's not always exciting, and even when it is exciting it's only exciting to me. I consider the best date night to be when my wife works on video game development while I write my draft. I leave the house on a regular basis, but it's mainly to go to different places to write.
In short - I love to write, but I don't think it makes me cool. Or interesting. Or valuable. Or intelligent. Or just generally fun to be around and talk to. These are things I strive to cultivate in other aspects of the way I live and grow as a human being on this planet.
Being a Professional Author in one particular genre doesn't give you authority over the craft as a whole. You can't just throw yourself into conversations and start with I'm a published writer and assume that means you have the final say on any discussion. Believe it or not, in many cases it does not matter.
Lots of people are published traditionally, and it does prove some level of validity in their line of work. But there are a huge variety of people in the world of trad pub. There are people who write books in genres that don't apply to writers here. There are people who write books that aren't very good. There are even people who write trad pub books that are very good, but their careers are sullied by the fact that the authors themselves are not good people.
Being a successful writer does not mean you're a good person. Being a writer at all does not mean you are a good person. I believe in Death of the Author to an extent, but when that author insists on making a presence on a public website and doling out advice and opinions to other writers the lines start to blur considerably.
Writing is a job. You work it over a period of time and learn skills and strategies that work for you. The same applies to virtually every other job, including ones that society views as less romantic as something in the arts. Can you imagine me breaking into your home while you're making lunch and telling you how to arrange your cheese slices based on what I know as a full-time, professional sandwich artist at Subway? You might be interested based on leaning something you didn't know about a place you might've eaten at before. But that does not entitle me to your respect on its own.
I am not entitled to your respect based on how well I learned how to make a sandwich based on my hypothetical career at Subway. Just as I don't deserve it solely because I know two card tricks, can get out a variety of stains, read most of the works of the major beatniks, can make a really good carbonara, or any other specific about my life that ultimately does not play a huge part in who I am as a person.
When I am on my death bed, I hope to god the core of my character was not the fact that I typed stories from my brain until I got carpal tunnel. If my obituary begins and ends at "writer", no matter how positive the qualifier is before that, it will be the greatest failure of my life.
Because I am a writer. But that does not matter. It does not matter if you're a writer. It can be fun and enjoyable if you are, even better if you make a living at it, but it doesn't mean you'll be happy. It doesn't mean people will like you or perceive you to be the leader and teacher you might think you are. It certainly doesn't give you a free pass to throw cruelty at strangers for truly no real reason.
Professional Author, you had a chance to raise up the next generation of an industry I assume you must value. You're choosing not to, and that's fine. You don't have the obligation to. You do have the choice to not get involved and pretend to give advice that ranges from vague to untrue. You seem to be taking that responsibility very seriously.
It's like some twist on crab mentality, where instead of dragging crabs trying to escape the bucket you're swiping at anyone who tries to crawl in with you. Then, as they struggle, you're looking down at them and making comments on how easy it is to get in the bucket, if you only just do it and maybe read some books.
To all of us, I say this: question authority, even in the arts. Especially in the arts. Nobody knows as much as they say. That includes me, but I do know this - any branch of publishing feels really good. It's scary but it's fun. If you're traditional published or indie published or self published, it says nothing about how good your book is or how good you are as a writer or how valuable you are as a human being.
Don't be this lonely bucket crab. They seem mean and I'm tired of talking about them.
Best Regards,
Clove
#writeblr#writing community#writers on tumblr#on writing#writing#authors of tumblr#writer community#writing inspiration#writing inspo#writing rants#personal#clove is angry
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the disconnect between the storytelling of the show and of the fandom
lately, I've been thinking about storytelling and storytellers in the context of 911.
like, there's two sides to this storytelling business, right?
there's the small group writers and showcreators who have an idea for the characters and plots and have to come up with a way to share those ideas within the constraints of a network television series
and then there's us, a massive international community with a wide-range of life experiences, who watch their show and then go on to tell our own story about it.
and i wonder if we're always watching the story they're telling.
im not even necessarily talking about the buddie goggles right now.
what got me thinking about this was ana flores.
and the one scene the fandom likes to pretend sealed her fate (when in actuality, let's be quite candid, it was the fact that she was a beautiful woman who dared to date eddie instead of allowing him to remain a viable option for canonical/fanonical offscreen cannoodling with buck)
"there's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse, but there's also some value in learning that you don't like horses."
eddie: "i'm sorry?"
"sometimes, our limitations tell us when to stop. but sometimes, they can show us where to look next." (romantic, feelingsy song starts playing) "today, he falls off the skateboard. but tomorrow, he writes the great american novel."
see, the problem here is that this is CLEARLY meant to be viewed as wise and deep advice. as a moment of connection between ana and eddie... the way the scene is cut, the music that plays in the background, the intense eye-contact between the two characters, the way eddie reacts to her words... we're meant to enjoy the simmering tension and potential between them...
but... it's not great and deep advice, not really. it's been pointed out that it comes off as ableist. and ana is supposed to be a teacher at this excellent inclusive institution; she is meant to have experience with children of different abilities feeling frustrated and wanting to do the same things other children are doing... someone on here pointed out that if they were the teacher, they would seek to understand what need christopher was trying to fullfil by getting on the skateboard and help him achieve it by other means
but what ana comes up with is this awkward horse metaphor that doesn't really make sense for the situation, and a condescending: "awwww, well, im sure he's the next hemingway"
BUT SEE, THAT'S NOT THE STORY THE SHOW IS TELLING US. the show is ostensibly framing this scene as romantic and great and deep. and that is NOT ana's fault. the character of ana didn't travel to our reality, didn't block the scene, didn't cut it and add the soundtrack. that's on the showcreators.
but somehow, it's really difficult for us to see it that way when it comes to ana.
in a way that it's not when it comes to Hen, poor little Mara and the Doberman.
because we know Hen and Karen, and we like them.
so we awkwardly shuffle around, side-eyeing each other, quietly nudging each other and going: "bit of a fail that, huh? kinda a weird thing to do on the part of the show, huh? comparing a little Black girl to a dog...why did they do that???"
or there was an excellent post floating around about whether Buck and Eddie realize they can say no to sex, that their consent matters.
"what if i come home and she wants to haaaaaave..."
"well, you'll get through it somehow," says buck with an amused grin on his face.
see, the problem isn't necessarily whether the characters know that their consent matters, but whether the showcreators do. because this is clearly meant to be viewed as a joke.
eddie is a macho guy, who tends to keep his cool in difficult situations, so it's funny when you see him freaking out over the fact that his girlfriend wants to have sex with him and he doesn't want to have sex with her because her former chosen-profession taps into his well of Messy Catholic Feelings.
isn't it? isn't that just fucking hilarious?
and the answer to that is: no. it's not funny to any part of the audience who's ever felt pressured (by a partner, by society, by their own expectations) to want or to have sex.
but does the show realize that?
i'm sorry but i don't think so. this is the show that framed dr.wells sexually assaulting buck during a therapy session as a joke to casually bring up and needle him over later, that felt the need to reassure us that chimney and maddie can and do have wild, passionate monkey sex (you remember, albert teasing chim, then the hotel with the revolving room, etc), that had karen ask hen what the point of a relationship was if the couple weren't having sex...
now, i genuinely don't think the showcreators mean to be hurtful, or harmful. i don't think they realise how all these things come off. because they're a fairly small group of people from Los Angeles, America, and are working within the constraints of a network television show
(and the point of the Eddie and Buck scene was Buck coming out to Eddie, so maybe they felt Buck saying: "you know, you can tell her you don't want to have sex, right? that's allowed." would fraction the focus of it? idk)
but what happens is that there's this disconnect between the story they're telling us and the story we continue to tell among ourselves.
when it comes to the characters we like, we tend to ignore the unpleasant meanings and messages in relation to the character, or we retcon it in fanfic, or we Fix-it with some heart-to-hearts and apologies.
(for example, i haven't seen many fics that show athena being a Cop as not-a-great-thing. but are we really ok with her saying "i wasn't on their side, but i understood their side." when her son expresses some reasonable dissatisfaction with her reaction to a cop pointing a gun at him and michael? or are we just ignoring it because we love angela basset?)
when it comes to characters we are predisposed to dislike, this disconnect makes us dislike them even more. which leads to the writing of bashing fics, and in some cases harassing the performers online jfc do not do that people that's never ok
(of course, some characters are hated justifiedly imao, like the buckley parents and chimney's father...)
maybe this is the frustration that makes for such a prolific and active fandom?
I don't know.
but I think it's something to keep in mind when watching the show. because that disconnect is always going to be there and I know that for my own personal mental health, it's easier and nicer to believe that a group of RL people might be just a bit ignorant at times, than that my favourite characters are massive assholes unpredictably and randomly
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