Thought about the concept of me either having children or not ever having children and both options make me want to cry

Candle light ep4

They texted all night. About their awful school, about the world, about Seether and Amy Lee and that cheesy yet heartbreaking song the sing together. About how she thought that "when two broken people find eachother, they make a mosaic" and how beautiful he thought this way of thinkin was. About how Michelle and all her other fake friends were shit and about how he kicked David Ackermann's ass for calling him an homophobic slur in the boy's locker room. About how with every astute observation about social issues and philosofical dilemmas he made, she felt like he read her mind and put voice into her thoughts. About how he was convinced they were meant to meet because no one in the world seemed to understand what he was talking about but her. About his abusive father and her negligent family who would almost never even talk to her. About her struggles with an eating disorder-

-Hey. Have you eaten yet?-

-Bro you know I don't eat. I feed off of water and sunlight and live in a terracotta pot-

-Come on stop being dumb and let's go out to eat-

Klara hesitated.

-What?-

-I'm hungry bitch let's get pizza-

-Seth that's the scariest fucking shit you could ever say to me!!-

-Alright. If I get you drunk will you eat?-

-What the fuck?-

-If I get you drunk will you be out of it enough to eat???-

-IDK PROBABLY-

-GREAT LET'S GET BEERS FIRST THEN-

-SETH-

-LISTEN UR GONNA THROW IT UP AFTER ANYWAY LET'S GOOO-

-ALRIGHT ALRIGHT IM GETTING DRESSED JFC-

The weird guy was outside the weird girl's house. Waiting, staring at the sidewalk, or at his shoes, like he always did.

Klara opened her door, dressed, sure, but not to go out. Not how a girl her age would dress to go out at least.

"Hey…uh…I really don't wanna go…" Klara stuttered her way through the phrase.

Seth looked up, noticing she had come out. "Well hello there." He smiled, and the whole situation seemed surreal, because she had never seen him smile before that very moment.

Klara hesitated.

Seth got closer, hands in the pocket of his jacket. The second one he owned.

"Alright, you don't wanna go out, no problem. We're ordering from your house". And with that said, he walked past her, entering the place like he owned it.

Klara followed quickly. He was already making the call for a local fast food place. When he hung up, he turned to her.

"Do you have Netflix? Or anything?"

"N-no, but…I have a lot of…DvDs…?"

"Huh. I hope you got some horror movies then" he stated, while he began looking through the various disks organized in a box in front of the tv.

"As you can se…I have a bit of a collection so…just pick one".

"Where are your parents by the way?" He asked, picking up a DVD and holding it up against the light to check for any scratches, before pulling the hem of his shirt, the third one, to be exact, and wiping away some dust on the shiny surface of the object, exposing his somewhat toned abs and a few deep, thick scars on them as well.

"They'll be out of town for a while…" Klara answered, tugging on her own shirt, nervously, like a fidgety toddler would.

They watched the movie, well mostly Seth did, after practically force-feeding Klara at least half of a pizza, making her chug two beers, letting her collapse on top of him on the couch and leaving to get home in the middle of the night.

Current WIP Requests!

Just showing y’all what’s to come!

And keeping myself organised so I don’t lose anything! Requests are still open! (And just so you know I accept more than just Remus and Sirius hahah)

Who I write for • Prompt List #1 • Prompt List #2 •

Remus x Reader requested by @emmaloo21 ~ REQUESTS ARE OPEN?!?!?! Oh my gosh, maybe a Remus Lupin x Reader, Marauders Era, where reader gets into a fight with a Slytherin or something gets severely injured due to a unfair attack? So he comes and visits her in the hospital wing?

Sirius x Reader requested by anon ~ Heyy could you please write a sirius x reader where Sirius lashes out and calls the reader unimportant and then the reader doesnt talk to him for a few weeks and sirius realises what he said and regrets it. Im sorry if this is too specific. I love your your work btw❤❤

Harry Potter

Harry x reader requested by @mischiefsemimanaged Hey, I’d love to be added to your tag list! Also have a request: a Harryxreader where y/n’s embarrassed about her surgery scars. I’m having another surgery Friday and I wish I had a Harry lol. No worries if you don’t have time, love your work! Thanks so much!!

Charlie x reader requested by @barry-blockman ~ can i request a Charlie Weasley x reader where they were best friends w mutual pining at hogwarts but did nothing about it but they reuinte at the quidditch world cup bc arthur invites the reader since they remain close w the weasleys?? and they get together after when the reader stays at the burrow or whatever you want really!!! thank you so much!!

Seveurs (golden era) x Order!reader requested by @purpledragonturtles ~ Could you write a adult! Severus x Order member!Reader one shot in which they argue with each other, both unaware that the other is flirting with them. I don't know why but I picture Snape as a teasing kind of flirter. Of course, please some fluff (and angst) at the end

Draco x reader (part 2) requested by @patton-fielder ~ Hey sweetie! Could I get a part 2 to that heart breaking Draco x Hufflepuff!Reader request I asked for? Using 2, 7, and 8 from the fluff section? (All of them said by Draco preferably as an apology) i love ya so much ♥ stay safe! - prompt list 1

James x Slytherin!reader requested by anon ~ Hey luv, just saw that your requests are open again YES! Maybe on with james where the reader is pureblood and Slytherin and they met at a gala or something, he invites her for a dance andddd i dont really know i trust your amazing talent eheh Sorry to bother thanks in advance xxx

Marauders x short!reader requested by @remibarnes22 ~ Hiya honey, can I request a short reader and marauders fic where they’re looking after her? Like against bullies and tall things. Good ol’ fluff ❤️❤️ thanks xxx

remus x reader requested by @screaming123 ~ Im a self indulgent slut so maybe a remus fic taking care of reader after a bad day? If requests are still open ofc Hope youre having a fantastic day/night/both! 💗

regulus x reader requested by anon ~ Fluff 6, misc 8 with regulus pls 👀 prompt list 1

draco x reader requested by @the--queen-of-hell ~ May I request 2 and 15 from the fluff prompts for draco x reader? Thanks in advance (if you need me to be more specific, I can send another ask!) 😊💖💕 prompt list 2

remus x reader requested by anon ~ remus x reader soulmate 4 (both emotional and physical with more emotional pain for reader)

weasley twin x reader requested by @dreamer821 ~ Soulmate 4 & 5 (or either really!) with one of the twins??? 🙈🧡 prompt list 2

charlie x reader requested by @barry-blockman ~ hey sweetie!! congrats on reaching your goal, its very well deserved!! can i please, if its not a problem, request fluff no. 7 w (you guessed it) charlie weasley?? thank you so much 🥰

fred x reader requested by anon ~ Can I request a Fred Weasley x reader where the reader is Angelina's twin sister and Fred and George flirt with them all the time? Thank you!

harry potter x reader requested by anon ~ Hello dear! Can I request a harry potter x reader where the reader is just like Lily Evans and everyone who knew her has a soft spot for her because she reminds them of Lily? Also the reader has been friends with Harry since first year and they are in love with each other and everyone low-key loves seeing them together because they remind them of James and Lily?this idea sounded cute in my mind. Have a good day/night 💕

james x reader requested by anon ~ Okay for the james one from prompt list 2 fluff 5 6 12 13 BEAUTIFUL CMON eheheh love you xx

george x reader requested by anon ~ can i request hufflepuff!reader secretly leaving a cookie/cupcake + a small note for the weasley twins and they love the gesture but fred/george especially adores it bc it reminds him of home then they try to find out who it is and date them 😉 thanks

sirius x reader requested by anon ~ Could you do a Sirius x Gryffindor girl. Mutual pining for years but both are too stubborn to admit it till their 6th year when James and Remus tease him into finally admitting it to her. He does something rlly big and public but soft to admit his feelings.

draco x hufflepuff!reader requested by @bforbroadway ~ Hey! Could I request a soulmate AU (the one where whatever you draw on yourself is in your soulmate) Draco x hufflepuff!reader, and Draco just constantly has little flowers and rainbows and cats and hearts, and just overall cuteness, all over his arms? Just really fluffy 💕 Only do it if you think it will be fun, and keep doing great!

neville x reader requested by anon ~ 2 things 1) ur epic 2) can i have a neville x reader where neville is the herbology professor and reader is the care of magical creatures professer? do what you would like, i just think that would be cool again, ur awseome Lena

Headcannon for remus x reader requested by anon ~ Hey girl 👋 can I ask for a headcanon ? Reader being in love with Remus Lupin but him falling in love with her twin (not identical ofcourse) and dating the twin . Thank you ! Sorry if you don’t like the ask, I’m a sucker for angst and hurt! fics

headcanon for marauders x reader requested by anon ~ heyy, are you taking hc requests? cause i think i'd be really nice a head canon of the marauders meeting reader's (who is a muggleborn) parents

headcanon for marauders x reader requested by anon ~ hey! can i get a headcanon of the marauders having a big fight w the reader (they are wrong, but they only realize later) and then apologizing, angst but fluff at the end?:))) thanks

Sherlock

moriarty x reader x mycroft requested by anon ~ Hiii!!! Can I please request a moriarty x reader x mycroft where reader is moriarty’s partner and she’s mad at moriarty for spending all of his time on his game with sherlock so she decides to play with mycroft to get moriarty’s attention?! Sorry if I couldn’t explain it properly english isn’t my first language! Thanksss!

Mycroft x reader requested by anon ~ What about Mycroft x reader misc. 13? prompt list 1

Marvel

Steve x Avenger!reader requested by ~ @kitkatkl ~ Oooh, are your requests back open? If so, I'd like to request a Steve x avenger!reader where they like each other and the team orchestrates a game like truth or dare to make the reader admit it in some way (because I doubt steve would be down for t/d id he cant even get drunk. If you do do it, you can decide what's the truth/dare that makes them admit their feelings. 💙💙❤💙💙❤

loki x reader requested by anon ~ “Don’t go” as well as “We aren’t meant to be” and “It’s for your own good” with Loki? Maybe ending in fluff somehow? ~ prompt list 1

loki x reader requested by @mojofun ~ So can I ask a soulmate prompt for Loki? (The prompt about the mark)

Undecided Character

Good afternoon darling, May I request fluff 2, 5 and soulmates 1? I hope that's not too much 😅 For the character: your pick 😊 Thank you so much 💕💓 💗 (thehumanistsdiary)

What if, hear me out, “Why can’t I stop crying?” from the first prompt list, and “I let you hurt me because I thought you would hurt less” from the second? For either Draco or Severus? (anon)

requested by @thehumanistsdiary ~ Good afternoon darling, May I request fluff 2, 5 and soulmates 1? I hope that's not too much 😅 For the character: your pick 😊 Thank you so much 💕💓 💗 ~ prompt list 2

The time in Summervale: 1

Warning: none

Specifics: y/n=your name, oc, oc fic, comedy

People: athela (your mother), edward (your father), huxley (cook), ruthy (maid)

Words: 1,438

Summary: In the fictional land of Summervale, 1700, you, the Duchess are made into an arranged marriage.This is the dream of your parents but certainty not the dream of a longing inventor like yourself. You are taught to be a lady but who wants to be a  primp and proper lady when you can have fun and be yourself. You need to try to convince your parents this is not what you want or is it? How will it be seeing the Prince of Linwyn? Will you finally change your mind and side with your parents? 

Authors Note: this is something newwwwww. ive been wanting to do kinda my own thing for a while so this is not on any fandom this is a story i will be updating with chapters about my characters but in a x reader way if that makes sense so its still gonna use you and such just this is my own story. i got inspiration off of this story “the austrian suitor” by @headoverhiddles​, granted i dont know the character or the fandom i just read it cuz another blog reblogged it yet i rlly enjoyed it even tho it is smut and im not usually a smut reader just kinda skip that or whatever either way it was extremely well written and gave me such inspiration like wowowowowow. so i made this piece inspired by that and i hope you guys like it. this is just kinda an opening to the whole thing and to kinda see how it works out so there is not any romance in this but trust me there will be but like i said i want to see how this goes if yall like if u do pls tell me tell me what u think ur thoughts everything i worked rlly hard on this so pls share like reblog do what you gotta do it would me a lot to me. thnx guys <3

“Maybe this piece goes here,” you mumbled to yourself. An action you always did but it was something your mother hated. Sitting atop your bed you concentrated your efforts in inventing a mixer that did its job on its own. Call it a hobby or a dream but inventing was your world. You loved the satisfaction of creating something with your own two hands especially if it helped people. Unfortunately, your parents the Prince and Princess of Summervale did not approve. They called it very unladylike. Your mother, Athela, would scold you about getting messy and dirty and then throw you in the tub like a little child. Your father, Edward, was always forcing you to learn how to seam. His mother used to do it and he wanted to pass it down to you. Those things didn’t excite you, didn’t make you complete. Inventing was something you loved and was always thinking about. As you would look at an apple tree during your morning stroll you would wonder about what inventions would be good for peeling apples whilst your parents bored you with duties as a Duchess. 

“Almost done,” you screwed on the last screw to your creation. You had dirt under your nails and they were short and barely ever polished, only for special occasions. Your hair was almost every time how it was meant to be. None of those gels, ties, bows, again only for special occasions. Your mother, Athela, would buy you all these face creams, soaps, masks, but you were content with your scars and bumps, naming them every so often after royals, saying your “face was a castle and there should definitely be Queens and Kings roaming on it.” You were odd and different to others but to yourself you were this boring, normal, royal girl that everyone hated because you were granted everything you could ever want. Life was not that simple though. Sometimes when you have everything handed to you - all the money in the world - it still doesn’t fill up that hollow feeling inside or take away the sadness. It was something to help people cope but it was never the antidote. 

“Alright...finished. What do you think Karim?” You hastily got out of bed and sat on the floor presenting your mixer to your pug. One very lovely vacation you took with your family you had learn a bit of Arabic. It was a beautiful language and you had made many friends there. You named your dog Karim meaning generous. Karim was generous, he was the only one who would look at your inventions. “Do you think it will work?” You gave a toothy grin, excited. 

Karim grunted as he licked his nose, panting. 

“I knew you would like it,” patting his head you jump up ready to show not just your parents but also the cooks. You had a very good feeling about this one. Every time you made an invention you had hope that maybe your parents would change their minds about your future but every occurrence was the same. 

“Mother, father! Come look!” You yelled as you sprinted down the stairs not caring if your nightgown would get dirty sweeping across the floors of the castle. “Come quick!”

“What in the heavens is the matter my dear child?” Edward, your father, grumbled seeing you in such a hurry. 

“See, father, in the kitchen.”

“In the kitchen?”

You passed by your mother, she tried to catch you but you slipped from her grip. “Young Lady why are you not dressed and groomed properly? You look like a mess.”

“Doesn’t matter, mother in this moment time is of the essence!” You arrived at the kitchen and grabbed a blue glass bowl, plopping it with a loud clank on the counter top. 

“What are you doing y/n?” The cook asked. “You almost broke me bowl!” He was a plump older man, very short. His hair was salt and pepper and his face was as white as flour yet his cheeks were always red.

“Forgive me Huxley I just need to know. Need to see and dive deep into the unknown.” You opened up a recipe card that Huxley wrote down for your favorite cake. Vanilla cake, you were a simple girl. “Alright I need eggs and flour and oh yes milk! Almost forgot about the milk!” You were talking to yourself again as you ran around the kitchen like a mad woman. 

“Is this another one of your inventions?” Huxley crossed his arms knowing about your obsession. 

“Yes but my dear good old Huxley-”

“Old?” He lifted his brow. 

“No time to explain, I have a tingling within me. This one is going to be it, I know it. Mother and father will finally see and believe in me.” You poured all the ingredients in the bowl. Your parents walked in, perplexed. 

“Hello everyone. Today I show you something I have been working on the for the past week. I am very proud of myself but any who let me show you my newest invention-”

“Oh here we go again?” Athela rolled her eyes.

“The mixer!” You lifted it high in the air. “This mixer will not only mix greatly and fine it will mix to your acquired speed. Please watch.” You pulled the lever three times and then pushed the big button. The mixer turned on automatically with it squeaking from the gears. “As you can see the mixer is mixing all the ingredients together. No more of the hassle of blistered hands or tired arms, this does it for you! You can even look away and do other chores in the midst.” You turned around and your creation you thought so high about was creating smoke and making an odd sound. 

“Um y/n,” Edward said, “is it supposed to do that?”

“Huh,” you turned to it again and all of a sudden the mixer started to go faster in speed. “Oh no.” The mixer then flew high in the air and starting to spin around like a mini airplane. 

“Get down!” Huxley shouted and everyone in the room screamed in fear or bent down hiding under tables and items. 

“Its alright everyone! Just a little mistake!” You climbed onto the tables trying to fetch the item. “Blasted thing.” You jumped onto the counter and caught it making it stop. Until it started to mix again and it caught a piece of your hair. You screamed loud and tried running away but hit the bowl of cake mix making it hurl in the air on top of your head making you slip from the batter onto your back. The mixer finally stopped. You groaned knowing you were about to hear it from your parents. 

Athela stood up with a scowl on her face. “To your room. Now!”

You sat at your vanity disappointed with yourself. You had worked so hard on the mixer and had embarrassed yourself. Athela was standing next to you, glaring. Karim was laying in his bed munching on a treat and your maid Ruthy tended to your hair. 

“I cannot believe you chose to do this on a day like today. Of all days!” Your mother was furious. Her gloved hands were held into fists. “You were supposed to be ready!”

“I know. I’m sorry mother.” In the end you always apologized even though you really hadn’t meant it. You hated when your mother was right especially about inventing. You always wanted to prove her wrong but it ended in outright disappointment. 

“Look at this hair now.” Athela lifted the piece of hair that was wrapped around the mixer. “Can you save it Ruthy?”

Ruthy bit her lip as she heaved a sigh, “I’m sorry your Royal Highness it is very tangled I must cut it off.”

“Oh my! Are you sure?”

Ruthy nodded.

“Today of all days,” Athela repeated herself. “How will your future husband think of you now?”

“What?” You asked and then all was heard was a snip as Ruthy cut that one lock of hair.

“Make sure you take that disgusting batter out of her hair.” Athela pointed to your scalp.

“Mother what are you talking about?” You stood up throwing your precious now broken mixer onto your desk.

“My dear didn’t you not fall just mere minutes ago in that vanilla goop?”

“Thats not what I meant and you know it. I am asking about what you said about a future husband. What did you mean by that?”

Athela rubbed your shoulders up and down and broke into a huge smile. “My dear you are getting married!”

Tag list: @harrington-lover​​, @angelgl16​​, @perfectlybeautifulsuit​​, @hyehoney​​, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly​​​, @totally-alexa21​​, @creamy-pasta-boi​​, @multireese​​, @fanfictionrecommendations-com​​, @prentisskelley​​, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97​​, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople​​, @collectiveyou​​, @wtfisalltherandoms​​, @dirbel​​, @eastcoasthaven​​, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @melonreblogsstories​​​, @reginalinettis​​​

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

Demons (short story)

(A Doki Doki Literature Club inspired short story)

I was walking through the shopping centre with my trolley full of food, people all around me but as usual, I took no notice.

It's not often you see a girl my age shopping without her mum or dad, but honestly, I should be taking more control of my life. After all, I am turn 15 in a few days.

Preoccupied with my thoughts I reached up to grab a can of soup when a hand next to me reached for that same one. I looked over and saw a girl that looked about the same age as me. Her golden blond hair swept over her shoulder she looked at me in surprise with her sky blue eyes.

"S-sorry!" She mumbled everting her gaze.

"It's ok" I reassured her taking the can next to the one she had been aiming for.

She gave me an awkward smile taking the can and turning her eyes back on me. There was something wrong with them, but I couldn't put my finger on it, that wasn't the first thing I noticed though.

"What happened to your arm?" I asked before I could stop myself.

She seemed to freeze for a split second then looked back at me with a bright smile which kinda surprised me.

"Oh, I just got into a fight." She said still smiling as she reached with the same arm for another can on the shelf.

The scars on her arm shown bright purple and red like they were fairly recent.

"Against who." I said putting my hands back on the trolly ready to move on to the next ill.

She gave me another weak smile doing the same.

"My demons." She said sadly.

And still with that same smile she turned and pushed her trolly down the ill till she disappeared around the corner and left me still standing there.

I'm not exactly sure why I just kept standing there, like I was frozen. When I snapped back to reality nilly a minute had passed. I shook my head and continued on.

The next day I saw the same girl. She was laughing with to people I assumed to be her parents. I little toddler was holding her hand. The father picked the little boy up and spun him around in the air. The little boy started giggling uncontrollably waving his little chubby arms around in the air.

His blue eyes just like his mothers and sisters. From the looks of it, the girl seemed to have gotten her hair colour from her father as well as eye colour and features from her mother.

I thought about the words she had said yesterday but looking at her now she didn't look like she had a worry in the world. Her father put his arm around her and she leaned tenderly into his imbalance. Her mother smiled lovingly at her and she returned the gesture just as warmly if not more.

I scanned the scenario trying to find something wrong with it. I happen to be pretty good at reading people and situations, it's one of my, ah, not very many talents. You could say it's the only thing I'm really good at. Studying people and situations I can usually predict a correct answer from what I'm trying to work out.

Abuse? No, nobody could look at there parents like that and not love them unconditionally. Maybe there poor? No that can't be it either. Yesterday her shopping cart was full of food and the place we were shopping isn't exactly cheap either.

I wondered whether she went to my school. Funnily enough a few days later I saw her walking down the corridor of lockers with a bunch of people that I could only assume to be her friends. One of the boys that happened to be holding her hand was running his fingers down the front of all the lockers as they walked past. He lended down and whispered something in her ear, she giggled and they looked at each other like they were sharing an inside joke. The girl on her other side nudged her teasingly and my mystery girl rolled her eyes still smiling.

I decided to watch her throughout the week, not in a creepy way or anything but to see if I could work out what was making her so sad.

What could be so traumatic that she was cutting open her own skin in deep, bloody lines.

Maybe she was being bullied?

A week passed, then two, then five, nothing.

It was frustrating, so frustrating that it almost turned into an obsession. eventually, I gave up. I was at a loss of what to think. I headed to my next class feeling defeated. I've always been able to read people so well but apparently, I'm not even good at that.

Even now, years later I think about that girl. At the age of 39, I finally know what she was going through. Or I had a pretty good guess.

I walked into my office, the white walls, the table and chairs under the tinted glass window, summer sunlight seeping through it but I made sure to turn the air conditioner on. As I sat down in my chair at the computer in the corner I heard a knock on my door.

"Didn't have to wait very long for this new client." I thought to myself as I got up and made my way across the room. If only I could have helped that girl back then, if only I knew. I opened the door to see a woman that looked around my age with a teenage girl standing next to her.

"Hello, um, sorry to bother you but is this Ms Scott's office, the psychologist?"

I cursed silently to myself in my head.

I forgot to put the sign back on my door.

"Yes I'm sorry for the confusion but you can call me Emily."

I opened the door up wider as to let them in and with a shock, I recognised the mother. Her blond hair now cut short and bright blue eyes that now seemed to sparkle in the sunlight unlike they had done so many years ago. It was the same girl, older, a mother now but definitely the same girl. They walked past me into the room and I tried to regain my composure hoping they wouldn't notice.

Following them to the table I sat down in my chair across from them.

"So you two what seems to be the issue." I asked politely with a smile changing to my psychologist frame of mind.

"Well as you know my name is Audrey and this is my daughter Sayori who I scheduled this appointment for." The mother said smiling down at her daughter warmly. Her daughter Sayori smiled weakly at me.

"Hi."

"And we're here cause recently Sayori has been feeling really down, not being able to get out of bed, lacking motivation, even distancing herself from her friends. Audrey continued on with all the strange occurrences in Sayori's behaviour so I gave Sayori a sheet of paper and told her to answer all the questions honestly. Once she was done I added up the numbers and set the sheet of paper down on the table with one hand.

"It seems," I said apprehensively. That Sayori is developing the beginnings of Depression.

———————————————————————

Hey guys 👋 I hope you liked my Doki Doki Literature Club inspired short story! I know this is serious stuff but I believe it should be more talked about in society as a serious problem. Anyway I hope ur all having an awesome day or night!

[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy. 

Advice, Ali, and Bad: When you want to show off your marks from knife play but don't think that would do When you realize a bunch of people here have similar kinks as you, but then realize that everyone here seems to be playing online and/or monogamous and you're a poly sub that needs physical contact. redd it When the friend that just played you twice in one night at the dungeon opens group brainstorming on mean things to do to you. iredd i well K. ireddt 344 ubmitted 2 months ar d 40 Flufty | Fuckable NSFW 19 comments share save hide give award report crosspost Submitted 2 months ago by 40 Flutffy Fuckable NSFW 25 comments share save hide give award report crosspost Fuckable N5EW 78 comments share save hide aive award report crosspost JUNE I-g d 40 Fluffy | Fuckable S. 47 points 2 months ago I got flogged on a St. Andrew's Cross and then she and another friend did wax play on me while I was blindfolded and she cut it off with a knife... And d 23 points 2 months ago 40| Fluty | Fuckable S while I was dropping and sleepy she started brainstorming "What other I can't wear my bra because itchy healing lines! It kinda feels like I'm hiding a secret... mean things can I do to Allie?" So far... Needles, sounding, fire play, blood cupping (maybe), orgasm torture (not denial), and Ummm insertions and strapon play. I have to clear some of this with my polycule. So far they all approve. t 17 points 2 months ago 40 Fluffy Fuckable Wtf is "knife play"? turns out I had an audience... I don't mind. Also H g 40 Flufty Fuckable 32 points 2 months ago Bdsm/kink play where one person takes a blade and drags it over your skin, with or without cutting. 3 points 2 months ago That... sounds really hot, except for the needles (whee, phobia). As Without cutting it can be fear play, predicament bondage, or sensation play. You can actually leave welts without drawing blood if you have a sharp enough knife. With cutting all of that still applies, but add blood and pain. long as its all safe. Although, what is blood cupping? 50 points 3 months ago HX x I'm a masochist, so I have long shallow cuts across my chest. H 401 Flufty | Fuckable 22 points 2 months ago When you've been single for over a year and the only physical contact you get is from your dogs :( Small incisions and then cupping over them to pull out blood by vacuum. In this case she wants to do that and then flog me while I'm sensitized by it. This is on the 'maybe' list because blood is a soft limit (almost a hard limit) for me normally, but I trust her. -frustrates sub sounds- When you miss having a dominant irl but are scared to even look for one due to how it ended last time. reddit Submitted 4 months ago by NSFW 11 comments share save hide give award report crosspost permalnk save report give award reply H 7 30 points 3 months ago just make sure not to cum on your cats ed 40 | Flufty | Fuckable permaink save parent report give award reply HM 18 points 2 months ago permalink save parent report gve award reply Ah. That sounds really intense and painful. All of this hot BDSM is more things I'd probably enjoy watching. I think wax play is about as painful as I like. 24 points 3 months ago Lots of cat qirls around here looking to get cummed on . - Lyra/Kitten/Mommy slut for ur juices HRT started 2019-1-11 4 points d 40 | Flufty | Fuckable 17 points 2 months ago I'm... Not a pain slut, but I'm a bit of a masochist... ed 40 Flufty Fuckable 11 points 2 months ago Needles came up because I really want to get my nipples pierced be willing to traln dd What I do with my pussy none of your concern and she thinks her ple And she loves marking people but scars are a hard limit for me HA Knife play is yes please, but cutting is a 'no'. It's a very fine line. (ao) HJ a 3 points 2 months ago 2.1 point 3 months ago HS Hey we got the same name (though mine spelled "Ali"). Represent I don't even have a dog to get physical contact from. permalink save parent report give award reply d 40 | Fluffy Fuckable 3 points 2 months ago It's short for Allison! :) HA n 27 points 3 months ago Poly switch transbian cuddleslut here We exist I swear. m 8 points 2 months ago H f just want to hug all the catgirls 14 points 3 months ago t H My gods, that sounds like a hell of an evening. I love seeing other keen Poly switch transbian cuddleslut doms, it makes me up my game. She does sound veeeery keen! Am glad to hear your going to have fun! t mel Hey, a e Sometimes female, sometimes enby, always kinky 5 points 3 months ago d 40 Fluty | Fuckable S. 18 points 2 months ago H There's a few of us I'm still floating a bit, 2 days later. We need to do negotiation some. She can't own me (my polycule would lose it and I love them) and that makes things a little odd. We're not romantic either. We're good friends and her alpha primal resonates wildly with my pet and prey drives. H No - LyraKitten/Mommy slut for ur juices | HRT started 2019-1-11 4 points 20 points 4 months ago Subby Introverted Kitten permalink save parent report gve award reply me too thanks (except inm actually bi not lesbian but bi culture is just I'm so sorry.... I'm sure you will find someone that will take good care of you! saying gay/les to fit in easier) t HH n I get that, sometimes a partner just clicks! Hope the comedown wasn't too hard on you. The solution I've found worked with my cule is having playmate status with folks, sort of commitment but only in a playtime sense (and the emotional responsibility with it.) 1 points 2 months ago pemalink save report give award reply pemmalnk save parent report give award reply d. 40 | Fluffy Fuckable 0 points 4 months ago H Le ph 3 points 3 months ago I feel silly and selfish because I have romantic partners, but my D/s aspects are a large part of who I am. Hell, I'm still with my old dominant on a non D/s basis. Clone, get back in containment! Basically, her PTSD and emotional issues got on top of her over the summer and instead of dealing with it she ended up abusing me pretty heavily ending with a breach of trust that left me dissociative and feeling 40 | Fluffy | Fuckable S-12 points 2 months ago ed worthless. .9 points 3 months ago Mine is complicated for two reasons: 7 months later I'm still not sexual with any of my rl partners really and I miss sub space and that feeling of belonging... And I don't even know how to go about looking for someone as a poly transbian even though I Poly Domme lesbian here we are a thing lol I have 3 partners I live with One used to be my domme, but couldn't handle the the kink community. am active 5 points 3 months ago responsibility it entailed. permairk save parent repart gnve award reply Another I'm still working out dynamics with because both of us are sub bottoms (different types) and neither of us pursue. Yes hello. If it's your girl friend who you have had for years. Do the sex at me a Subby Introverted Kitten 10 points 4 months ago C again as we commonly do. I'm so sorry.... don't feel bad. It's not silly or selfish to miss being a part of who you are... finding a new dom, I have no experience so I don't know how to help... as for permalink save parent report give award reply Things are cleared now with all but that last and I'll talk to her tonight or tomorrow. k 6 points 3 months ago Hs What 401 Fluffy | Fuckable nalun 12 points 4 months ago d n 7 points 2 months ago Oh, I dont Just needed to say something... I think the wives are tired of me having emotional breakdow can see how the history could make things complex, I'm . glad it's all been okayed with two of them, let's hope for H Je a 5 points 3 months ago the third! Then go have some fun. :P same here except sub! e Subby Introverted Kitten 6 points 4 months ago HC Hey... You can't control your emotions, if they don't want to help you through them then maybe they don't deserve you... ed 40I Flufty | Fuckable 11 points 2 months Fun either way. Just mooooooore fun with approval. Insertions and orgasm torture need approval and well... Being strapped to a table with a Hitachi bound against me and getting tortured sounds like heaven. pemalink save parent report gve award reply j 4 25 MTF, mega submissive, has a cuddle kink 6 points 3 months ago 40 | Flufty I Fuckable S6 points 4 months ago H9 Poly people unite <3 cross while filled, I have 3 partners. 1 is trans. 2 are cis female. We all live together. All, including me, suffered emotional or physical abuse when younger. They support me. They care. But if all we did was discuss our emotional issues we'd never get to the bottom of them and we still wouldn't be 'fixed' in any way. I could tell any of them that I need to cry at them and they'd be happy to listen and comfort me. It would also add to their emotional burden at a time when we've all been on the edge of breaking down. It's been a rough 2 months Not my best picture, but I dyed a huge black stripe in my hair last night and couldn the over conditioning to go away before sharing >.< (redd.it) submitted 4 munds bide give award report crosspost 5 comments sha n4 points 2 months ago HH That sounds like a lot of fun, you've given me some ideas too... My own 'cule may have say thank you at some point. here. o come pemaink save parent repart grve award reply 2 points 4 months ago I'm sure they all still love you and care about what you are going through. How elser are you supposed to fix your emotional issues if you don't talk to someone about e Subby Introverted Kiten d 40 Fluffy | Fuckable 4 points 2 :) if you want to bounce thoughts or anything feel free to pm. them... HM Oh gosh that pic hits hard... Feels like when I try to sub my emotions take over and as much as I crave it I end up bawling and scared at the slightest punishment even though I love my Dom.. He k 2 points 2 months ago Hey, little off topic and feel free to decline to answer. A few months ago I started dating two wonderful girls, and there has been talk of moving in togetherelationship, and I'm urious looking to r When you lost count at 10 already but your partner goes "congratulations, you're multi-orgasmic" and you realize she's nowhere near done yet. Submitted 3 months ago by - NSFW 56 comments share save hide give award report crosspost future b y ts 561 are going to work, is there any advice you can offer? d 40 | Fluffy | Fuckable permalink save parent report give award reply 40| Flufty 4 points 2 months Fuckable It really depends on you. We all share a bedroom. Two beds. We've had them pushed together at times for cuddle piles but right now they're separate for the convenience of a walk way. Then all our clothes go in our offices because there's no room for dressers in the bedroom pemaink save parent report give award reply 2 points 2 months ago Thank you, that's a great help. I was thinking two beds might be the answer myself but then I got in my own head about if I was just being insane... I'm sure we'll make it all make sense when it comes to it. 40 Fluffy Fuckable 2 points 2 H9 I lost count but... Gods.. gonna pass back out now.... d 40 | Flufty | Fuckable 151 points 3 months ago was near tears and too tired to scream anymore and just.. Unnnnnnnnffffff... I'm I'm starting to actually like my hair these days (40yo, 22months hrt) hotted d months 00 by ge When we had three, a California King bed worked, but someone always got stuck in the middle and overheated (usually m comment share save hide give award report crasspost permalink save parent report give award reply e 67 points 3 months ago HP it or was it after an op or anything? Holy fuck, NICE. Did you work up k 2 points 2 months ago tHe Yeah, trapping someone in the middle was also playing on my mind, constantly like 'what if they're too hot' 'what if they need to pee in the middle of the night what if they toss and turn'... I guess I just need to stop overthinking it and go permaink save parent repart grve award reply d 40| Flufty | Fuckable S 149 points 3 months ago Does not having sex for several months due to emotional instability and stress count as working up to it? I'm non-op, so no operation involved. I've been able to hit 2-5 with a lot of luck and work since about 6 months in. Mostly luck. with the flow? Tonight, my partner told me she was stone butch for the evening and I wasn't allowed to touch in response, then basically played me like a piano with the magic wand and toys and wouldn't let me orgasm for awhile. Then she ramped things up and up while still backing off every time I got close until I was basically just a needy puddle... then hit my switches all at once and wouldn't stop for a bit even when I was begging. By then I was hypersensitive and she let me calm down for just a minute and - 40 | Fluffy | Fuckable s 2 points 2 months ago Yeah.... You usually figure out what you need. Two beds with the then began teasing and realized I was still going, so she started very gentle and then kept ramping up on different places and backing off again. walkway is nice. Sometimes I miss. the huge cuddle pile while sleeping but not overheating and being able to go pee are pretty awesome Favorite memory tonight *after I suddenly came again without any idea why and sort of lost a few seconds*: permaink save parent repart gve award reply Her: "You are such a girl." Me: "What?" Her: "You just came because I told you I love you."Me: "Was that what you said?" Her: "Uh huh... and you looked really confused and went 'What the fu-" and came again." Me: "I love you too..." Also: "Oh god no stop what are you doing' isn't your safe word so I'm gonna keep going." The sexual revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

*  bill skarsgård, age 27, he/him  | oh, them? that’s julian nilsson. they’ve lived in carina bay for, like, one week. last time i spoke to them they were a drug dealer, and if i remember correctly, they’re an aries. seeing them around always makes me think of track marks hidden beneath a long-sleeved shirt, the watery reflection of a neon sign in a motel parking lot, the eerie quiet of 5am after a sleepless night. ( lainie, 24, cst, she/her ) 

hello bitches it me ur local bag of literal garbage ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry )

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like lol get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he managed to send a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like....he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 21, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of a “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about a year later when he was 23 that he met kit while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship--notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing kit to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so four years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when kit decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to kit. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

which is how he wound up in carina bay! they’re currently living out of julian’s car with a little makeshift bed in the back and he’s selling drugs again to try and save up enough so they can get home, but they use most of what he’s supposed to sell so it’s.......not going very well euyagafdhs

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him wayyyyyyyy worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just....doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

"whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him (especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood 

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs