I don't know who needs to hear this, but especially with the end of the school year coming up soon, and a bunch of people about to leave high school or about to leave college, I just wanted to say:

Being an adult can be really nice, actually!!!

Like, okay, yeah, life can be fucking stressful sometimes, and there's definitely an annoying amount of paperwork.

But me and just about every single adult I know will agree: I would never choose to go back to being a teenager, even if I somehow could.

Insert obvious disclaimer that nothing is universal. But for people worried about aging or graduating into the next chapter of life, here's some words of reassurance:

When you're a teenager, your brain is extra mean to you. Like, neurologically. All of the changes it's undergoing really, really increase rates of depression/anxiety/etc. A lot of the time, literally just not being a teenager anymore is really good for your mental health

Less than five months out of high school, everyone I knew my age was like "Thank fuck we're no longer in high school." Once you leave high school and adolescence there's really just such a dramatic drop in petty bullshit. Shit that would have been a huge social humiliation or gossip in high school is really often just like, "Hate that for you, man." Boom, done.

When you're a teenager or a brand new adult, you're encountering so many problems for the first time ever. When you're older, you just. Have learned how to handle a lot more things. You know what to do way more often and that builds confidence

When you're an adult, other people generally don't care if you don't do things perfectly, because jobs and life don't work like grades. This was such a trip to learn, honestly? But when you are an adult or have a job the bar for success is usually just "Did you do the thing?" or "Did you do the thing well enough that it works?" or "Did you show up to work for your whole shift and look like you were doing things?"

Similarly, if you're about to graduate college and you're really stressed about it, fyi just about everyone I knew in college ended up very quickly going "wow, 'real life' is way easier." Admittedly I went to a school full of very stressed out perfectionists and the like, so I can't promise this is universal, but there's a very real chance that life will in many ways get easier when you graduate

WAY MORE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Literally I cannot overstate that last point. As an adult, you are (barring certain disabilities or shitty circumstances like abusive family/the criminal justice system/etc.) able to make most of your own decisions. If you want to rearrange your furniture, you can. If you want to eat tater tots at midnight, you can. If you want to get yourself a little treat, you can. You can sign contracts and make your own legal and medical decisions and not need a parent or guardian signature for just about anything ever again

You generally learn how to give fewer fucks

The people around you have also generally learned how to give fewer fucks

Even when things are shitty, being able to choose what kind of shitty a lot of the time can really be worth an awful lot

how to change a belief, the formula simplified⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🛼

the law of assumption is all about forming assumptions and beliefs that serve u so that u can live the life of ur dreams. but like, how do u form assumptions and beliefs? its super simple ✨

the basis of changing a belief is changing ur assumptions around an already existing one. when we r born and even still now, our minds are literally so malleable. no one is born with a set of beliefs, these beliefs r impressed unto us by so many different factors such as family, surroundings and environment, society etc.

because there are no SET beliefs and beliefs are formed, that also gives us the power to form our own beliefs. what makes a belief a belief though is consistent reinforcement.

(IDENTIFY + MODIFY + REINFORCE = NEW BELIEF)

when u consistently reinforce and solidify ur belief it gets expressed in ur reality. ur belief that the sky is blue is a belief that you've had since FOREVER and thats why its expressed. ur belief that ur always broke is one that u consistently reinforce and thats why u experience it.

IDENTIFY ;

identify what beliefs u already have about something. then classify the belief as something favorable or unfavorable to u. for example if u wanna be rich and ur belief around money is that its super hard to make then you'd classify that as unfavorable.

MODIFY ;

now comes modification. lets go back to the example that we used above. the way we'd change the original belief (its super hard to make money -> INSERT NEW TRUTH) for inserting the new truth i recommend just using a simple affirmation.

REINFORCE ;

last but not last to learn anything and strengthen any belief repetition is key so u should persist in ur new belief. remember, its ur choice to choose a new belief so stand firm on ur decision.

(reinforcement = standing firm and repetition)

Something that made hygiene-related things easier to do was to say "fuck it" to the concept of doing the thing at the Right time. My teeth do not understand that it is currently 02:00 or 15:00 and they're getting brushed. The skin on my face doesn't hold up a timepiece and say, "why haven't you washed me, twelve hours have elapsed and you haven't bothered to wash me!".

As someone who has had very intense experiences with my ability to do things at the Right time, throwing out those rules has been a game-changer. I used to shame myself because I didn't do something at the Right Time, so I just didn't do it, which would make me feel even worse. That's not a healthy way to go about anything. Accommodate for yourself. Throw out those rules.

Dear Dr Scherz,

i'm a British high School student and im coming into the point of my life where i need to narrow down to 3-4 subjects for A-Levels (thats post 16 education basically which leads to uni) and im really struggling because i like learning about lots of things and i was just wondering if you had this problem or had any advice for me on how to narrow down? I apologize because this is a bit random for your blog but i'd like to know what other people's career paths were?

thank you!!!

I had the opposite problem; I had a very specific interest (reptiles and amphibians and Madagascar), and found almost all of my school subjects painfully boring and tedious as a result. So, unfortunately I am not really in a position to advise, except in general:

try to find something that excites you, and makes you want to read and think and talk about it. The kind of thing that makes friends groan when you bring it up again. Because that is what you will be doing for three or four years as you go into your Bachelor's. And then maybe a year or two more for your Master's. And if you like that, then maybe another three or four years for a PhD. And if you are crazy enough to stick with it, possibly another thirty to forty years thereafter as you either move into academia, or go off to apply what you know elsewhere. But also maybe not! Because you are young and flexible and there are many interesting and exciting things in the world, and it is okay to start with one thing, realise it is not your thing, and try other things! Variety is the spice of life.

You don't have to have it all sorted now. Maybe it's easiest to figure out what you definitely do not want to do. And that can inform your choices.

Oh and you can also go and watch loads of CrashCourse videos and similar over on youtube to get a feeling for the kind of things they do across a variety of subjects, and a sense for what you like and dislike.

Good luck!

How to be mysterious and hot

• Talk less, listen more

• Talk about the simple things especially with someone new

• Show the positive side of you

• Keep your looks together

• Have more control over your emotions

• Avoid talking about your insecurities unless to someone you really trust

• Post less on social media

• Avoid drama's and gossips

• Be aware of the people around you

Advice I'd Give to My Younger Self.

Be unapologetic about your presence. Never enter a room with your head lowered. Hold your head up like you are proud to be who you are. Take up space. Be bold in your actions. Let your voice be heard.

You don't have to be perfect. Get over perfectionism and the fear of being embarrassed. Learn to own all your flaws and insecurities and continue to do what you love.

What other people say mean nothing. Never loose sleep over anyone’s opinion of you. They are not God and they don't define you.

Believe in yourself. You can be successful just like those people you look up to. You have what it takes. Hone your skills and be great too.

Appreciate your unique gifts and qualities. Stop comparing yourself to others and changing yourself to fit in. Always stay true to yourself.

I drive a limo. Y’know, for funerals and prom nights, stuff like that. Hopped into the driver’s seat today and took a look back. My limo’s longer on the inside than the outside. Any suggestions about what to do? It goes on for about…30, 40 rows of seats

Weird. Maybe you shuttled a wizard in the past few days and they did some unadvisable things in the back.

First off, try not to go back there of course, further back than you would have been normally able to. Spatially-Noncompliant Areas are inherently unstable of the time, especially when it’s something like this. I’ve mentioned it before, but there’s a few places in the country that are allowed to continue being spatially-noncompliant, and those are very stable.

Obviously we’d want you to come in. If you know of any garages that cater to the extranormal community you can ask them, or if you see our logo sticker among the licenses and certificates hanging in a regular garage, ask for ‘the guy in back’. They’ll know what it means. We may have to bring it in - Thaumomechanics is a small division but the folks there are real smart cookies.

If you can’t come in immediately, you can put up a sheet in the back, try and make it look natural. Don’t let anyone back there. The last thing we need is for it to collapse and either lose someone in the non-existent space or they just get….squished. Either way it’s a mess. Been there. Still have the stains on some boots.

Give some extra love, joy, and kindness to those around you..!!

Be the EXTRA in the ORDINARY.🍀

-@lipikkawrites

✨Time for Vanilla’s Opinion 🍰

Edition #1: thoughts on hate & caring about what others think of you.

Regardless of what people think of you, you need to understand that it only matters/ means something if you decide it to. What i mean is that i know lots of people say “you should only care about your opinion. Others opinion of you dont matter” but that’s only true if YOU DECIDE IT TO BE TRUE. I will say this again: this is your life!!!!!

If you choose to accept and believe the nonsense that others will think/ say of you, then you are saying “i dont have the confidence and self love in myself to only accept my opinion, so im going to give you the power over my emotions and how i act :)” do you really want to do that? Because that’s what you’re doing when you start acting based on how you think others are gonna think of you and what their perception is.

Remember: what other people think of you is just THEIR PERCEPTION. Stop making your personality & yourself dependent on what another person thinks of you!!

And also, some people will literally just hate on anything because of how sad their life is. I mentioned this before, and im gonna mention it again: there could be a video of CATS PLAYING on YouTube and you’ll find someone criticising and hating on that. That’s how sad some of these people in life are. So stop trying to or thinking that since you love yourself and you’re “perfect” that everyone should/ would like you because THATS NOT TRUE.

I read this quote once: “you could be the most juiciest, yummiest apple in the world, yet there would still be someone out there who doesn’t like apples.”

“So then.. what do i do if I receive hate? It’s still mean and hurtful.”

WHY does it still hurt??? WHY are you giving that person ANY control over how you feel???? If this person is someone who’s your friend or close to you, when they do it, TELL THEM THAT YOU DONT LIKE IT!!! Without communication and understanding, you will only start to build resentment for the other person, creating a toxic relationship. Comunícate your boundaries clearly by telling them that firmly, NOT in a joking manner, that you don’t like it. Now ofc if they do it once more, remind them again. Most of the time, if this person really cares about you, they will respect your feelings and stop doing that. But if it happens more times, you’ve gotta stop giving your energy to them. Reserve that for something that actually matters.

You may or may not have noticed that i did not write “just cut them out” because i know how difficult that can be, especially if you’re a kid still living with your parents. Because at some times, you’re stuck in the situation you’re in for a while (for example: a workplace, living at home, in 1 class at school) so its not as easy to just “cut them out”. And that’s why i wrote “stop giving your energy to them”. Because THATS what the parasites are feeding on! Your energy and attention! Take that away from them and see what happens.

BUT….;

know that what I’m NOT saying is to be a stone-cold bitch who doesn’t care at all about others or their happiness. (Because honestly, doing that shows me that you’re a lot more insecure) A lot of people now would be like “but it’s not my responsibility to ensure they’re happy. They are their own person in charge of their own actions and feelings!” Sure, ok. But then don’t come whining to me about how you have no friends and how you feel so lonely and sad. ‘You’re your own person and in charge of your own feelings’, remember? So if someone decides to leave a relationship (whether it’s a friendship, or with romance) with you because you don’t make them feel happy, then don’t be surprised about that because ‘they are their own person.’

But look, i completely agree with the fact that you and every individual indeed are in charge of their own feelings and actions, but just stop and think about it for a sec; would YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your happiness? Yuck, no!!

So to put it in more simple/ plain terms: be KIND to people, bring smiles to peoples faces when you can (give them a compliment, help them out, listen to them, offer advice, etc.) but don’t something that compromises your own wellbeing and happiness. Cus like, how is complimenting someone’s hair or eyes gonna hurt you? If anything it would just make you happier. But also don’t live your life constantly on the edge, afraid of what he’s gonna think of you, what shes gonna say about you, etc. etc.

I guess that’s pretty much it. <3 anyyywayys i hope you enjoyed the 1st edition of the series! If you have requests, comment on this post of send an ask using the ‘tea’ button ☕️

Xoxo, Vanilla

talking about mentally ill tnt duo

them learning to use safe words outside of sex or dynamic stuff, to have an alternative way of communicating during episodes

actually that's a very important thing: everyone, establish a system of "safewords" with the safe people in your life.

Words, phrases, emojis, tapping, squeezing, etc - create a system that allows you to discreetely communicate. examples of what it can be used for: * reassuring/getting reassurance (when for whatever reason you can't express it verbally) * communicating that a joke has gone too far, * asking for help with getting out of an uncomfortable situation (for example a social event), * making sure something you're saying is genuine and honest - it's important especially when you both have issues (don't abuse the phrase by asking about trivial things) but when you need to make absolute sure that what's being said is fully true it's very useful to have a little safe word that you know neither person is going to break. this comes in handy with things like checking if someone's safe, or when you need reassurance that they definitely care about you * communicating that you're not feeling safe (great to have with parents/parental figures in your life/someone reliable with a car for when you need them to come get you from somewhere) * communicating that you need to say something and be heard out, and that you don't wanna attack them, but this is an issue that you have to work through *communicating that you need space - or the opposite

There's reasons ways to use safewords in that manner, but i'd say it's very important to develop some kind of a system like that with close friends/partner(s)/parental figures etc

aaand of course yes absolutely great hc fully support that (lmao i got a little off-topic)

Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.

I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”

It broke me.

Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.

When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.

I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!

“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.

Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?

I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”

He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.

Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.

these are very wise (and very real) words. believe me.

so I was on the gecko tag this evening and found your blog. and. ackfiyckfykf, my faith in humanity is Restored and I aspire to your immaculate Vibes and absolute happy snazziness. now then,,,, please describe the college tuition fees ( or lack thereof ) in Demark, pleeeeease please I am full of hope because of something I saw on Pinterest but I trust you to tell me the truth :3 ( stares at you )

If you are from within the EU/EEA or a Nordic country, you do not have to pay tuition fees at the University of Copenhagen (I cannot say anything about other unis in Denmark). People from outside Europe have to pay €10,000–17,000 per year. Note that Bachelor's degrees at UCPH at least are all mostly in Danish, so accessibility is a bit limited. Denmark is an expensive city, and Copenhagen especially so, so cost of living can also be a problem.

But all-told, no matter what you do, the costs of uni+life in Denmark are nothing compared with many colleges in the US, or even unis in the UK.

To be honest though, the German fee situation is far better: German universities are free, or close to it. Some states have tuition fees that are moderate, but most have an administrative fee of about €250 per semester. There is also a much lower cost of living basically everywhere. So, seriously consider Germany if you are from outside Europe and want to come here to escape come to Europe to study and potentially settle.