#like I watched Ella enchanted when I was very young
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The final episode... for now, at least.
Transcript below the break
Hello and welcome to the conclusion of The Rewatch Rewind, the podcast where I counted down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies from 2003 through 2022. To those of you listening to this on the day it’s coming out, Happy Cary Grant’s Birthday! This felt like an appropriate day to release this fun bonus episode to analyze my list a bit more, get into some statistics, talk about what I’ve learned from this project, wrap things up, etc. If that sounds boring to you, that’s totally fair, I won’t hold it against you if you want to skip this. But before you turn it off, I want to mention that my brother Quinn, my guest from the Ella Enchanted episode, put together a “Sounds of the Rewatch Rewind” Spotify playlist featuring the songs and soundtracks from the movies I’ve talked about that he could find on there, which I’m going to link in the show notes, so now that you’ve listened to me talk about these movies, you can listen to parts of the movies themselves.
Assuming the runtimes on IMDb are correct, I spent approximately 99,258 minutes watching these 40 movies from 2003 through 2022, which is 1,654 hours and 18 minutes, or 68 days, 22 hours, and 18 minutes. So almost 10 weeks. Which sounds like a lot, but it was spread out over 20 years, so I don’t feel like that’s particularly excessive. I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn I had spent more time watching these movies. And that’s one of the main things I’ve learned from actually keeping track of the movies I watch: I’m very bad at estimating how frequently I rewatch movies. Before I started writing down what I watched, I thought there were lots of movies I regularly watched dozens of times per year, and probably several that I’d seen over 100 times. But now I know that watching a movie five times in a year can feel like a ton, and there are relatively few that I feel like sitting through more than 20 times total, let alone 100. Part of that could come from maturing, or from having a much wider array of movie choices at my fingertips, but a significant part of it is that it takes fewer rewatches than I think it does for a movie that I love to stick in my brain. There are plenty more films that didn’t make it anywhere near my top 40 that I feel like I know backwards and forwards and inside out. So I just want to reiterate what I said in the introductory episode: I don’t think these are the 40 best movies ever made, and I don’t even think they’re my 40 favorite movies. But I do love them all, and I don’t regret getting to talk about any of them.
When I first started keeping track of what I watched back in 2003, I thought of myself as someone who primarily loved “old movies,” with a few newer movies managing to worm their way into my heart. I would have expected most of my top 40 movies to be in black and white, and almost all of them to be from before 1970. But as it turns out, 18 are fully live action and in color, 16 are live action in black and white, four are fully animated, and two are a mix of animation and color live action. The breakdown of which decade these films are from tells a particularly fascinating story. Five of these movies came out in the 1930s, nine in the 1940s, three in the 1950s, three in the 1960s, zero in the 1970s, four in the 1980s, four in the 1990s, nine in the 2000s, and three in the 2010s. Which means that exactly half were from before the 1970s and exactly half were from after the 1970s. Many of the views of movies from the 2000s occurred in the first few years I kept track, so clearly the pretentious “I only love old movies” persona I tried to cultivate as a young teen was never very accurate. Stories from a variety of eras resonate with me. But what, you may be wondering, do I have against movies from the 1970s?
First of all, to be clear, there are several movies from the 1970s that I love, they just didn’t happen to make it into my top 40. But the thing about the ‘70s is… that’s when Hollywood movies became more explicitly sexy. By which I mean that after the Motion Picture Production Code was abandoned in the late 1960s, filmmakers started putting much more explicit sexual content into their movies because they were finally allowed to. Now, I’m not saying I’m in favor of censorship. I think people should be able to make movies about whatever they want, provided they’re not actively hurting people. But a lot of 1970s movies feel particularly overwhelmingly sexual to me, like Hollywood was trying to release decades’ worth of previously forbidden sex scenes as quickly as possible. And I want to be clear that I don’t necessarily think there’s anything inherently wrong with that, although I feel like it was often executed in ways that objectified women, which I do have a problem with. But I also think a not insignificant reason I’m not as into movies from that era is related to my asexuality. I’m not judging 1970s movies for having too much sex, and obviously not every movie from that decade has explicit sexual content, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the decade after the production code went away is the one that doesn’t have any representation in my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies. While movies with sexual content continue to be made long after the 1970s, it does feel a bit like once the novelty wore off, filmmakers kind of toned it down a bit, or at least incorporated it into more interesting stories. It’s kind of like when a kid learns a swear word. At first it’s like, a huge deal, and they get in trouble for using it, and then when they get older they’re like, “allowed” to swear, and they feel so cool for a while, but then it stops feeling cool and they learn how to use it more selectively and effectively. That’s how it feels like sexual content in the Hollywood film industry evolved. So as a relatively sex-indifferent asexual who doesn’t exactly mind sexual content, but doesn’t particularly like it either, it makes sense that that transition period doesn’t appeal to me as much.
And I do have to keep saying that I’m specifically talking about the Hollywood film industry because the vast majority of the movies I watch are from Hollywood. Really the only “foreign” film in my top 40 is Pride and Prejudice, and even that was co-produced by an American company. I have seen and enjoyed several films from other countries, but I could definitely watch more. There is an upsetting lack of diversity on this list: the vast majority of these films are primarily about white, straight, cis, allo, middle-to-upper-class Americans or Europeans. There are characters who don’t fit all of those, but most of them play relatively minor supporting roles in the main stories. I’m pretty sure that all of the directors on this list are white, and all of the screenwriters are at least half white, but I don’t know all of their backgrounds, so forgive me if I’m unintentionally erasing the identity of any of these filmmakers. Regardless, I definitely need to watch more movies made by people of color. As I addressed in previous episodes, only two of these movies were directed solely by a woman, one was co-directed by a man and a woman, and the other 37 were directed by men, so I also need to watch more female-directed films. The screenwriter gender breakdown is a little better, with eight written solely by women, eight written by a combination of men and women, and 24 written solely by men. I would personally love to see more movies written and directed by non-binary people, but mainstream society doesn’t seem to want to give them much of a voice, so I think I’ll have to look into more independent films to find that. The two newest movies on this list were independently produced with funds raised through Kickstarter, so I do seem to be moving in that direction, even though the vast majority of my top films were made by major Hollywood studios. I wasn’t surprised that Disney was the studio with the most films on this list, with nine – what can I say? I grew up during the Disney renaissance, I was indoctrinated. But I wasn’t necessarily expecting RKO to have the second most, with seven, considering that studio hasn’t been around since the 1950s. MGM is in third place with six, but I would have expected that to have more than RKO, considering it made a lot of classic Golden Age gems and still technically exists today (even though it’s now owned by Amazon). Over half of the movies on this list were made by one of those three studios. Again, an embarrassing lack of diversity.
I’m not sure how many LGBTQIA+ filmmakers were involved with the films on this list, since even now people don’t always feel safe or comfortable coming out publicly, and in the past it was even more dangerous to do so. However, the director with the most films on this list, George Cukor, with four, was openly gay, and as I mentioned in several episodes, sometimes movies with supposedly straight characters give off queer vibes. No character in any movie on this list is openly aromantic or asexual, but I was still able to spend a lot of this podcast talking about the ways I related to these stories as an aroace person. Since I’ve been so focused on how much I wish there was less romance and sex in movies, I thought it would be interesting to give each of my top 40 a score indicating how important romance and sex were to the story, on a scale of 0 to 3 for each, with 0 meaning there’s essentially none and 3 meaning there’s a lot. Now, I will point out that no movie on this list is rated higher than PG-13, so a 3 on the sexual content scale is still pretty mild. I also feel like reasonable people could disagree about how to rate some of these movies, so please indulge me as I go through each movie and state and briefly justify my scores.
Mary Poppins gets a zero for both, even though there is a kiss between Mr. and Mrs. Banks, but they were already married at the beginning and their relationship is far from the main focus of the story, which goes out of its way to keep Mary and Bert’s relationship platonic.
Similarly, while Emperor’s New Groove does show that Pacha and Chicha are in a loving married relationship, that’s such a tiny portion of the film that I’m also giving this one a zero for both romance and sex. So we’re off to a great start.
Legally Blonde is a bit trickier because at the beginning Elle is extremely focused on romance, but she becomes less so as the story progresses, although other characters remain focused on romance throughout. Also there are no sex scenes, but there are still some rather explicit sexual references. So I’m giving Legally Blonde a 2 for romance and a 2 for sex.
The Princess Bride has a lot going on, but the romantic love between Westley and Buttercup is consistently one of its main focuses, so I’m giving it a 2 for romance, but apart from some very slight innuendo I don’t remember any sexual content, so it gets a 0 for sex.
Frozen is another kids’ movie, so another 0 for sex, but the romance aspect is fascinating because it starts out tricking you into thinking it’s going to be very romance-focused, but ends up demonstrating that the initial romance was fake and other kinds of love are just as important, so I’m giving Frozen a 1 for romance.
Chicago is probably the most sexually explicit movie on this list, so I have to give it a 3 for sexual content, but there’s only a little bit of romance, so it gets a 1 for romantic content.
The Sound of Music has quite a bit of non-romantic stuff going on, but the relationship between Maria and Georg, and Maria’s internal conflict between wanting to be a nun and wanting to be with him, are important parts of the story, so I’m saying romance 2, sex 1.
Holiday is mostly about Johnny thinking he’s in love with Julia and learning he’s really in love with Linda. The social commentary keeps it from being a 3 on the romantic content scale in my opinion, but I can’t give it lower than a 2. I suppose sex is meant to be implied because they talk about marriage so much, but I don’t recall any specific innuendo, so I’m giving it a 0 for sexual content.
Newsies is mostly about the strike but there’s still the Jack and Sarah romance stuck in there, and the “Lovey Dovey Baby” song is pretty suggestive, so I’m saying 1 for romance, 1 for sex.
Stage Door is one of the few Production Code-era movies that actually has more sexual content than romantic content – there’s a lot more focus on potentially using sex to get ahead in show business than on romance, although there’s still a bit of romance in there too, and the sex isn’t super explicit, so I’m saying 1 for romance, 2 for sex.
Monkey Business is mostly about the formula to make people young, but that seems to manifest itself by stirring up relationship drama. The sexual aspect is mostly innuendo, so I’m going with 2 for romance, 1 for sex.
Father Goose starts out with no romance, but by the end becomes mostly focused on Walter and Catherine’s relationship, and there are some mild sexual references, so I’m again going with 2 for romance, 1 for sex.
Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House is mostly about the house. There’s some minor relationship drama, but even that is more about stress caused by the house situation than actual romance, so I would argue that it only deserves a 1 for romance. I’m tempted to give it a 0 for sex, but there’s enough innuendo when Bill spends the night alone with Muriel that I think I have to give it a 1.
Adam’s Rib is another tricky one because it’s about a trial that impacts romantic relationships, but the focus is rarely on the romantic aspect of those relationships. And by today’s standards, there really isn’t that much sexual content either, although for its time it feels pretty explicit. So I’m saying 1 for romance, and 2 for sex.
Mamma Mia has enough focus on non-romantic relationships that I’m only giving it a 2 for romance, but even though there aren’t any explicit sex scenes, there’s enough talk about it and enough suggestive dancing that I think it deserves a 3 for sexual content, at least on my scale.
I know that The Lion King features one of the most romantic Disney songs of all time, but I would argue that a relatively minuscule amount of the plot is actually dedicated to the romance between Simba and Nala, so I’m giving it a 1 for romance. And despite the misinterpretation of the leaves spelling SFX as the word SEX, and the rather suggestive look that Nala gives Simba in the middle of their love song, overall I don’t think it has enough sexual content to justify a rating above 0.
Freaky Friday appears at first glance to be heavily focused on romance, since Tess is about to get married and Anna wants to pursue a romantic relationship, but it’s way more about the mother/daughter relationship, so I’m giving it a 1 for romance, and also a 1 for sex because there’s a bit of innuendo.
The romantic aspect of The Major and the Minor is weird and kind of toxic, but it’s still there and it’s pretty important, so I’m giving it a 2 for romance. Then there’s the whole Pamela assuming Phillip slept with Susan part and some sexual harassment before it was called that… it’s not super explicit but I’m still saying that’s a 2 for sexual content, at least for its time.
I argued in the Bringing Up Baby episode that I don’t really believe that the main romantic storyline is actually romantic, but the characters seem to think it is, and Susan at least is pretty focused on that, so I’m saying 2 for romantic content, and once again there’s a bit of innuendo, so 1 for sexual content.
Enchanted is very much a romantic story, so I have to give it a romantic rating of 3. And while I’d like to give all kids’ movies a sexual content rating of 0, I’m sorry, that shower part boosts it up to 1. Kids might not know they’re talking about sex, but… there’s really no other way to interpret that.
Ella Enchanted has quite a bit of romance, but the main storyline is Ella trying to get rid of her curse, so I think that keeps the romantic content rating at a 2. And again, I want to say 0 sexual content because it’s a kids’ movie, but then I remembered some of the things Char’s fangirls say and…yeah I have to give it a 1.
Notorious is ultimately a spy movie, but the spying is accomplished by Alicia seducing and pretending to fall in love with Alex, and actually falling in love with Devlin, so that sounds like a 2 for both.
It’s a Wonderful Life is about a lot of other things, but a good chunk of it is devoted to George and Mary’s relationship, and there’s enough innuendo that I’m going with 2 for romance, 1 for sex.
Again, I argued in the Beauty and the Beast episode that I’ve never seen Belle and the Beast’s relationship as a typical romance, but most characters and audience members seem to. I still maintain that there’s enough other stuff going on to keep it from being a 3, but I don’t think I’d be justified in giving it a romance score below a 2. But I’m not giving it a sexual content rating above a 0, despite what the childhood ruiners say.
A Mighty Wind is mostly about a concert, but it gets a bit into Mitch and Mickey’s romance, and there are a few sex jokes, so I’m saying 1 for both.
His Girl Friday is pretty focused on Hildy wanting to marry Bruce but still being in love with Walter, but that’s not the only thing it’s about so I’m giving it a 2 for romantic content. If you read between the lines and interpret Molly as a prostitute, I guess an argument could be made to give it a higher sexual content rating, especially because there are a few other veiled sexual references as well, but I’m sticking with 1 because it’s all innuendo.
Gaslight is an interesting one because it’s very focused on the relationship between Gregory and Paula, but it’s more about the abuse than the romance, and nobody should think of this as a romantic movie, so I’m saying 1 for romantic content, and 1 for sexual content, because while there’s nothing explicit, it is very heavily implied that Nancy is sleeping with Constable Williams.
Edgar Allan Poe’s Murder Mystery Dinner Party is quite focused on friendship, but the party wouldn’t be happening in the first place if Edgar wasn’t trying to woo Annabel, and there’s also the whole Lenore/HG Wells thing, so I’m saying 2 for romantic content. And while it’s not at all explicit for the 2010s, there are definitely some sexual references, so that’s a 1.
The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer is almost entirely about romance, so I can’t give it below a 3 for romantic content. And while the movie does make it very clear that the bachelor does not sleep with the bobby-soxer, again, there’s enough innuendo that I have to give it a 1 for sexual content.
North by Northwest is mostly about Roger trying to figure out what’s going on. While he does fall in love with Eve, for a good chunk of the movie we think she’s trying to kill him, so I don’t think it deserves higher than a 1 for romantic content. But it was fairly sexually explicit for its time, so I’m giving it a 2 for sexual content.
The Sure Thing is very focused on both sex and romance, so that one gets a 3 for both.
Ishtar has a little bit of romantic content, but it’s mostly about the incompetence of the bumbling songwriters, so I’m giving it a 1 for romantic content. But there is some nudity and rather frank conversations about sex, so I feel like I have to give it a 3 for sexual content. I actually thought Ishtar was rated R until I double checked before making that episode. It’s PG-13, but just barely.
My Man Godfrey is about a lot of things, but although Godfrey the character would prefer to keep romance out of it, Irene keeps forcing it into the story, so it gets a 2 for romantic content. And, like most movies of its era, there’s no explicit sexual content, but there’s enough innuendo to earn it a 1.
The Princess Diaries is mostly about Mia learning she’s a princess, but enough of it is about her relationship with Michael and her crush on Josh that I have to give it a 2 for romantic content. But, as my sister Rosemary pointed out in that episode, the romance is very innocent, and I don’t recall even enough innuendo to bring the sexual content rating above a 0.
The Case of the Gilded Lily mirrors the innuendo but no real sexual content of production code-era films, but with significantly less romance than most of them, so I’m giving it a 1 for both.
Top Hat is extremely focused on the confusing romance between Jerry and Dale, so that’s a 3 for romantic content, but despite the fact that their dancing has been compared to making love, I’d argue that as far as sexual content there’s barely enough innuendo to earn it a 1, let alone anything higher than that.
Singin’ in the Rain is mostly about the change in the motion picture industry from silents to talkies, but Don’s love life pulls enough of the focus that it gets a 2 for romantic content. And while there’s barely any sexual content, Cyd Charisse’s dancing is suggestive enough to earn it a 1.
I’m going to be bold and say that Clue has zero romance, because even though there is some kissing, none of it is really romantic. But most of the suspects are being blackmailed for sexual reasons, so it gets a 2 for sexual content.
While I don’t watch Pride and Prejudice specifically for the romance, I can’t deny that that’s what most of the story is about, so I have to give it a 3 for romantic content. And the whole Lydia/Wickham thing brings the sexual content score up to 2 – one could even make an argument for 3, since we do briefly see them in bed together, but I think it’s a small enough proportion of the mini-series to keep it at 2.
Similarly, The Philadelphia Story has lots going on, but it is all about Tracy’s wedding, and which of the three possible grooms she’s most in love with, so I have to give it a 3 for romance. And even though she doesn’t actually sleep with Mike, there’s enough talk about it that I’m giving it a sexual content score of 2.
To sum all that up: as far as romantic content goes, 3 of these movies got a score of 0, 13 got a score of 1, 18 got a score of 2, and 6 got a score of 3. For sexual content, 8 got a score of 0, 19 got a score of 1, 9 got a score of 2, and 4 got a score of 3. And if we add the romantic and sexual ratings together, only 2 movies got a score of 0, two got a score of 1, 11 got a score of 2, 13 got a score of 3, 8 got a score of 4, 3 got a score of 5, and one got the maximum score of 6.
So why did I go through all of that? Well, aside from wanting an excuse to go back through all 40 movies again, I also wanted to emphasize that even when you’re not interested in sexual or romantic content, it’s extremely difficult to avoid. Allonormativity and amatonormativity are everywhere. I was able to find ways to relate to these movies from an aroace perspective, but every single one ultimately leans, at least to some extent, into the pervading societal assumption that every normal human fundamentally desires a long-term, monogamous, romantic and sexual partner of the opposite sex. This is so normalized that the two movies that earned a zero for both romantic and sexual content still include romantic kissing, and while I stand by my assertion that those movies don’t have enough romantic content to justify a higher rating, I also know that if those throwaway background romantic moments had been between two characters of the same sex, a bunch of people would have made a huge deal about how the LGBT+ “agenda” was being “shoved down their throats” and “forced on their children.” You know who really shoves their lifestyle down people’s throats and forces them on children? Straight cis allos! If children’s sexual and romantic orientations could be changed just by seeing them in movies, I would be incredibly straight and allo by now. But even spending all those years bombarded with the message that normal people were like that, it didn’t make me feel attraction that my brain wasn’t wired to feel, it just made me confused. What I would love to see in my next 20 years of movie watching is more normalization of other ways of being outside of amatonormativity. Right now that’s feeling very unlikely, given the enormous backlash against LGBTQIA+ rights that is currently escalating throughout much of this country. More awareness of aspec identities has led to more explicit aphobia. But it has also led more people like me to understand ourselves better, and I would love to see that continue until acceptance overwhelms the bigotry. And that could be greatly helped by more aspec artists getting to tell their stories. I know of some good aspec representation in books and TV shows, but I really haven’t heard about much in feature films, apart from the sort of vague ace coding I’ve discussed throughout this podcast. But I would love to hear recommendations if any listeners out there know of any openly asexual and/or aromantic movie characters.
Many of the movies on this list are silly comedies, which don’t tend to be recognized by the Academy Awards, but I thought it would be fun to look into the Oscar stats a bit anyway. Of these 40 movies, 23 were nominated for at least one Oscar, and 10 had at least one win. Among those, there were a total of 98 nominations and 28 wins. The most nominations for a single film was 13, achieved by both Mary Poppins and Chicago, and the most wins was 6, again by Chicago. Two movies that were nominated won 100% of the Oscars they were nominated for: Frozen with two and The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer with one. I did go through and watch all the Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar winners, at least up to a certain year, and those projects added to the view counts of five of the movies that made it into my top 40: Mary Poppins, Chicago, The Sound of Music, Gaslight, and The Philadelphia Story. I have considered tackling other Oscar categories, and I’ll probably make a podcast about it if I do, so that could potentially be on the horizon, we’ll see. Another movie podcast idea I have is to pick either an actor or director and go through their entire filmography chronologically and talk about that. I’m not sure if or when any of those ideas will come to fruition, but I have greatly enjoyed talking about movies on this podcast and would love to continue in a similar vein.
As for The Rewatch Rewind, I like to think that for now it will just be on a rather long hiatus rather than being completely finished. I have continued to track the movies I watch, and my top 40 has already changed in the last year, so it will be interesting to see how my movie watching continues to change in the years ahead. After I’d been keeping track for 10 years, I blogged about the 35 movies I’d seen at least 10 times, and 30 of those movies were still in my top 40 after 20 years of keeping track. The 10 new movies that were added for this list obviously include the three movies that hadn’t come out yet 10 years earlier – Frozen, Edgar Allan Poe’s Murder Mystery Dinner Party, and The Case of the Gilded Lily – in addition to Notorious, Adam’s Rib, Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, Father Goose, Holiday, The Emperor’s New Groove, and Mary Poppins. The five movies that were in my top 35 after 10 years but were not in my top 40 after 20 were Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Neptune’s Daughter, Duck Soup, and The Phantom of the Opera. For the 30 movies that were on both lists, I still had a lot of new things to say about them ten years later. I’m not sure if I’ll wait until I’ve been keeping track for 30 years to return to this podcast, or if I’ll also do something for 25 years, but I do have every intention of returning for another season of something similar eventually. I probably won’t do the exact same thing, maybe I’ll do a top 100, or I’ll talk about my top movies from each decade or year, either of keeping track or when they came out – I haven’t decided yet. So stay subscribed or following to hear more from me in a few years – assuming these podcast platforms are still around in a few years.
Regardless of what the future has in store, thank you so much for listening to my analysis of the 40 movies I rewatched the most in my first 20 years of keeping track. Since I don’t know what movie I’ll be talking about next, in honor of his 120th birthday I’ll wrap this up with a quote that at least has been attributed to Cary Grant, although I couldn’t find where or when he said it, so maybe he didn’t, but it’s a good quote anyway: “My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.”
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This could be a better post and maybe I will come back to these ideas later but like..... I’m tired of reviews judging television and film adaptations by like,,,, what will make the fans of it the original happy. Like,,,,, I actually am interested in if an adaptation captures the spirit of the original. I don’t think an adaption has to, but I’d love to read criticism from that angle.
But man, like a video game journalist retweeted onto my timeline a review of the Mario movie where most of the [negative] criticism was “there’s very little in here for the people who grew up on these games” with only a few side-sentences on lackluster emotional payoffs and sparse character arcs. Basically the review was more concerned about adults who grew up with the games (not all of us adults!) then whether or not the movie was a good movie.
And then within two days, from the other side of shallow criticism, I was reading a review from a library perspective about both the Mario and the D&D movies that spent most of the time glowing about them not because of any strengths in the movies, but because they were considered “”successful”” adaptations over these franchises’ previous cinematic adaptations.
Meanwhile I haven’t watched the show or play the games or read any longform criticism of The Last Of Us, but from my Twitter timeline my understanding is that the games were very cinematic games, and the television show has been replicating it shot for shot. And some fans like that, but some people I follow and myself are like “Why though? What’s the point?” Especially in this age of let’s plays where not being able or interested in playing a game is no longer a barrier for experiencing the game.
And I’m also thinking about how like, even as I revisit Phase 1 and Phase 2 of the MCU as I return to this fanfic from 2016, I haven’t actually seen any of the adaptations of the Marvel comics I was reading at the same time as I was genuinely excited by the MCU: Peter Parker’s Spider-Man, Kamala Khan’s Ms. Marvel, Kate Bishop and Clint Barton and Lucky the dog Hawkeye comic, Young Avengers (which doesn’t yet have an MCU adaption but we have Kate and Cassie and Eli and Billy and Teddy and Vision 1.0 is dead). And I don’t have an interest in watching these adaptations, except for maybe the Ms. Marvel one. I haven’t seen anything that tempts me as I currently am, nor that tempts the teenager who loved those comics who still lives inside me.
And like I said at the top, I don’t think an adaptation needs to be exactly the same. I like both Howl’s Moving Castle the book and the film. I don’t think that the Ella Enchanted movie is a good one, but I enjoy seeing Anne Hathaway singing and being feisty and a talking book that is essentially the fantasy equivalent of an AI. Maybe a reread of the satire book The Princess Bride would feel tiring at the moment, when we live in an era full of snark where genre isn’t allowed to be sincere, but in my heart the somewhat mean-spirited book means just as much to be as the sincerely committed movie.
And then there’s now. When I think of the Good Omens show adaption, just the show not the fandom, the only thing that really comes to mind is the frustration that they didn’t update Anathema’s conspiracy theory magazines to contemporary ones, which I feel completely changes her character to one who is both more out of touch and less concerned with the current threats to humans and the environments.
I dunno what my point was. And wow, typing on a computer can go so much faster than typing on my phone. But I’m just tired. I want good shows and good movies that stand on their own. I am so sad that The Bastard Son & The Devil Himself got cancelled, and I have not read the books it was based on (and also feel like the books aren’t going to give me what I want).
I want adaptations to have a point. I want them to be well-crafted. I don’t want them churned out for name recognition. I don’t want them being written to make old fans happy! And I also don’t want the only things of interest for those old fans to be counting easter eggs in the background, even while I think easter eggs can be neat!
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OUAT Thoughts Pt.68--Episodes 7-8
I have watched through S7E8; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.
—Just when I thought I couldn’t love Hook any more, he stayed in a tower alone to raise his daughter that he didn’t expect to have. He’s just the best!
—Regina’s cold-shoulder plaid shirt has got me reeling. And that wavy hair? She is absolutely heaven on earth.
—I think Alice needs one of those shirts with the Sappho quote on it about being unable to weave bc ✨pretty girl✨ She just kinda ran headlong into disaster lesbian territory.
—Hook’s poisoned heart (I guess I missed the fine print on that when they explained it a little while ago, because I was a bit confused) keeping him and Alice apart is incredibly sad. I’m having trouble remembering when his heart was supposed to have been cursed, but obviously it wasn’t for a while, because he had to be able to raise Alice.
—That thing where the lockets started glowing for Ella and Henry was awesome. Although…I still don’t like Ella very much? I think she’s the closest this show has come to girlboss *derogatory* territory, and I hate that kind of character. No thanks.
—That being said, she has shown a little bit of emotion in episode 8, so I choose to think she’ll get better. I would say she just needs to have her walls come down, but Emma didn’t girlboss all over the place when she first showed up, and she had like sixty-foot-high cement walls with barbed wire and bear traps, so that’s not an excuse.
—Gothel still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. And while she doesn’t really need to, and all I need her for story-wise is being a generic magic user, I’ve come to expect more from this show, so I’m guessing she’ll probably get some backstory later. At least something to explain why Regina’s wigging about her being free.
—I also don’t get why a plant is supposed to bring Anastasia back.
—I’d like to know what Rumple’s up to. If he’s going to be an ass to Regina *still affectionate* *not loving him has become an impossibility* then I’d like to have some confidence that he has a good reason.
—Because holy cow, my love for Regina has existed for several seasons, but today it hit me like a six-ton truck. I might have her name carved on my heart only below Rumple’s, when it comes to OUAT. She’s a great mix of incredibly storytelling, a redemption arc to die for (you just know I’m a sucker for one of those), amazing fashion sense, enchanting personality, and gorgeous looks. Wow.
—It was fun to see Hook in full pirate mode again. That red vest is the best.
—When Gothel was pretending to be Rapunzel, that dress was sooooo pretty.
—Hook setting up a weekly chess game with Alice is my new favorite. He has no clue, and he’s still reaching out to her.
—Squeeeeee White Knight!!😍
—Actually, the Wonderland references in episode 8 were excellent. The Walrus restaurant with the oysters? Well, first of all, it proved to me that oysters are beyond disgusting and that trying to swallow one would probably make me sick, but that was a delightful reference. Bonus points for being something that isn’t as obvious as the Cheshire Cat or the Queen of Hearts.
—Also, I cannot believe I finally got to see a tea party in Wonderland! Kind of a depressing, sad little tea party, but I’ll take what I can get.
—Alice’s Wonderland clothes were gorgeous. That red skirt is to die for.
—How old is she supposed to be? The timelines in this season are messing with my brain, and given how old this Hook was when we first met him I’m guessing she’s a young adult, but I can’t figure it out with logic and it bothers me. Based on her appearance, I’d say she’s in her early twenties, but I’ve never been that good at puzzling out people’s ages based on their looks.
—Regina and Henry having a roadtrip to San Fransisco is fun. Although I’m terrified that the person who hates her in San Fransisco is Zelena, because I know Zelena appears later in the season (nothing more, though) and after everything they’ve been through it would destroy me to see them not getting along again.
—But then again, there are probably still a lot of people who hate Regina, so maybe it’s not her. Besides, as far as I know Zelena wasn’t around to get cursed.
—It bothers me how much of this season takes place in a bar. They’re tryna get the Granny’s vibe back, but could they not have found any better eatery than a bar? The amount of drinking most of the characters have done in this season is bonkers compared to the other six seasons. Maybe Regina should’ve had a bakery or something.
—I am ashamed of myself for not getting the Star Wars reference. Smh.
—It amuses me that the song Henry was listening to in episode 8 was called “Bizarre Love Triangle” because I am getting some kinda vibes between him, Ella, and what’s-his-face collectively.
—I love the bracelet Rumple’s been wearing lately. It’s hard to see because he’s usually wearing a jacket, but it’s cute and I would love to get a clearer shot of it.
#once upon a time#ouat#Captain Hook#Alice#Alice jones#rumplestiltskin#regina mills#wonderland#tea party#Henry mills-swan#gothel#cinderella#martianbugsbunny reviews
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6, 23 and 29 please!
Also, I apparently can't DM you if we're not mutuals? But I'm happy to keep talking like this if that's what you're comfortable with. :D
6. What kind of readers would be fans of this wip?
I could see fans of Legends and Lattes liking The Dot Duology and Of Glass Pens and Enchanted Treats. They're very low stakes stories that focus on the day to day of a young woman and the community she meets.
A Vow from the Winter Lord would maybe attract fans of Sjm and Elise Kova. However, it's still on the less epic scale. Important stakes but not full scale war style. So maybe those who liked specifically the romantic side to the story but didn't care much for the brewing war.
23. How would you describe your writing style?
Um... a concentrated dose of my sense of humor? I don't see myself as inherently clever and I'm really not. So if you're reading something of mine that has a clever line or something funny, it took forever to come up with. The line also passed The Husband Test. If I have a line that I think is funny, I'll ask my husband if I can read him something. I read the scene in full with little context (he knows my stories so he understands what's going on) and if he laughs then it was actually funny and I keep it.
For example, in A Vow from the Winter Lord, there's this lovely moment between Marian’s father and her love interest Lord Athello. Athello asks why Gregor calls Marian "Spark"? He explains that when Marian was little, he was very standoffish with her because he didn't quite understand the whole father thing yet. His wife left Marian with him in the forge one afternoon and she watched him work and would squeal with delight anytime sparks would erupt from the piece he was working on. This started their bond as father and daughter and he began to understand. He's called her Spark since. Athello calls Marian his "Little Duck". So Gregor asks the same of Athello. The answer, it feels like I'm explaining the joke so I'm sorry it isn't funny here, is that when Marian and Athello met she had been cursed by a Hag to be a duck for mouthing off to her. So Athello just sorta looks over at him and says, "She was a duck when we met."
Or lines like "Once you have animated your skeleton (that is the one you have arranged on the table, not your own)..." in A Princess Guide to Love and Necromancy.
I see my narration as being a friend to the reader. A nicer, less foreboding version of Lemony Snicket. It gets to be clever and fun because I agonized over it for weeks.
29. Books or series or movies influenced your writing style the most?
How far back you want me to go? All the way? Okie dokie! Disney movies, particularly Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Hunchback and Hercules. Disney's Gargoyles and the Aladdin TV series too. Not Disney but still great is Anastasia. David Bowie in Labyrinth left a huge mark on my choices of love interest for my characters. The first few Barbie movies, Nutcracker, Rapunzel, Swan Lake and Princess and the Pauper. They really drove my love for feminine yet active protagonists. Most of which don't rely on combat training. Lord of the Rings, of course. Tamora Pierce was a big one. Ella Enchanted and Fairest were others. The Chronicles of Narnia, even though now I see how preachy they are. Neil Gaiman, particularly Coraline, Sandman and Stardust (book and movie, I actually like the movie more). The Merlin tv series and Tin Man had something to do with my writing too. Same with Once Upon a Time. Terry Practchet even though I haven't read a lot of his work. Lemony Snicket and unfortunately Harry Potter. Also... don't judge me but The Tinkerbell movies. I love the hell out of them and I'd be lying if I said they weren't an influence in A Vow from the Winter Lord. There are more but I'm drawing a blank now... I actually have shown my husband a lot of these things and he points out the things he recognizes as influences in my work.
I went into my settings and turned that thing off so you should be able to DM me now. I didn't realize it was on to begin with. I'm sorry.
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New royalty (Narnia)
Summary: You are a queen of Narnia as well as the Pevensies. The new prince of the Lone Islands is coming to Cair Paravel to meet all of you. He seems to take a liking in you.
Words: 1894
Type: Fluff / Angsty fluff / The end is a bit spicy
A/N: Hi everyone! It’s my first imagine in a while and it is quite special. I was watching Ella enchanted last week and thought Prince Charmont (Hugh Dancy) would make a perfect crossover with Narnia! I hope you guys like it. I know I do! Tell me if you’d like a part 2 or if you want to see his character again. I already have another idea for him. :)
It was known across the whole earths of Narnia by now, there was new royalty among us. Far into the Great eastern ocean, the young Prince Charmont just inherited of his father’s kingdom, the Lone Islands.
Narnians could not stop talking about him, especially the female kind. It was obvious that the prince was a very good looking young man. They all had a crush on him, and he had the brightest future ahead of him.
I woke up from the warm light of the sun shining down on my face. Yet, I could feel that the air in the room was quite chilly. A soft spring breeze was coming through the large glass door leading to my balcony. I liked to leave it ajar so I could smell the fresh scent of blooming flowers every morning. I didn’t want to get out of bed, my fuzzy white sheets were too comfortable. But as a queen of Narnia, I had responsibilities to tend to. I can’t sleep in until noon. At least, not all the time. So, I got up and flinched a bit when I felt my feet touching the cold floor. I picked up my dressing gown on the corner of my vanity chair and wrapped it around myself. I made my way outside on the balcony to admire the view. The castle was prettier than ever, everything here was just perfect. I could not help but to fall in love with this world more every single day.
I watched a bunch of birds flying away towards the ocean and stared at the waves crashing against the sand. That’s when looking at the sea, I remembered, the prince. It was today that the new prince was coming to Cair Paravel to make official acquaintances.
I rushed back inside to get ready. While sitting down to do my makeup and my hair, I thought to myself, ‘‘Prince Charmont, is it? Is that his name?’’ and ‘‘I don’t know what all the girls see in him.’’ But really, I was trying to convince myself. Whether I liked it or not, I thought he was cute. I knew I had to keep it professional, though. ‘‘It’s just business, Y/N, he’s coming here only for a little while, then he leaves is all.’’ I said while I was putting on my fanciest dress I had kept for a special occasion. Then, I went downstairs to the kitchen to have breakfast with the other kings and queens.
____________________________________________
‘‘Edmund, will you give me the milk, please?’’ I asked him. He finished his bite of strawberry jelly toast so he could say, ‘‘Here you go.’’, and gave it to me.
‘‘Thank you.’’ I replied while pouring the milk into my cereal bowl.
Lucy lifted her head from her plate and looked at all of us, ‘‘So, big day today! I’m so excited, he’s kind of cute. Susan, don’t you think he’s cute?’’
Susan smiled a bit, ‘‘I guess he’s just alright.’’. Lucy opened her mouth in disagreement, ‘‘Just alright? You’re joking. He’s more than just alright.’’
Peter rolled his eyes, ‘‘I don’t see what’s so special about him anyway.’’ He mumbled under his breath. ‘‘Well, someone’s jealous!’’ Edmund said, mocking him.
‘‘I’m not jealous, you are!’’ Peter snapped and threw a piece of grape at him. Edmund made a mean face to his brother and so did Peter.
‘‘Ed, Pete, stop it!’’ I told them, but now everyone’s attention was on me.
‘‘What about you Y/N, what do you think about Prince Charmont?’’ Lucy asked me almost in a melodic voice. She put her elbows on the table and held her head between her hands, batting her eyelashes. I was trapped, and I couldn’t escape.
‘‘I mean, I don’t know. He’s not really my type.’’ I tried to come up with an answer, but I was blushing like crazy.
‘‘No, no, no…’’ Lucy shook her head, and Susan added, ‘‘You’re a liar.’’
I was now scared they would make me talk, but I was saved by the sound of Caspian coming into the room. He walked towards us and said hi to everyone, he picked up an apple from the table and left right away as if he was never there. The girls watched him leave and then Lucy turned around, smirking at her sister, ‘‘Him, is he just alright, too?’’.
It was now Susan’s turn to be a blushing mess, ‘‘He’s alright.’’, she let out shyly. We all paused at her comment and laughed.
___________________________________________
A joyous song and all Narnians accompanied us to the front of the castle so we could welcome the prince. Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, Caspian, and I stood side by side at the top of the stairs waiting. There was a magnificent ship not too far away and we could see the ink going down into the water. Several small boats carried people to shore. Not so long after, a group of armoured knights riding horses stopped in front of us for a second. They all said in unison, ‘‘Welcome, Prince Charmont of the Lone Islands!’’
They slowly moved to the sides of the crowd to leave place so the prince could step forward. He was exactly like everybody was saying, tall, handsome, curly hair, astonishing smile. He wore a baby blue suit with a matching cape and was riding a beautiful white horse. He got off it and walked up the stairs to join us. ‘‘Hello, thank you to welcome me in your splendid palace.’’ He bowed; we all did the same.
He then proceeded to present himself to each of us. Clearly, he was a very well-mannered guy. Of course, Peter didn’t look the happiest, but he was always polite. That’s what a High King does.
When he got close to me, our eyes locked, and no words were able to get out of my mouth. He grinned at me with his million teeth and bowed once again. ‘‘Hi, Queen Y/N, I have heard so much about you. I am Prince Charmont, but you can call me Char.’’ I stopped breathing when he took my hand and kissed the top of it.
‘‘I-Um, welcome. It’s our pleasure, Prince Charmont.’’ I stuttered.
‘‘Char, please.’’ He insisted on how to call him, still holding my hand.
‘‘O-okay. Did you have a good trip? You came a long way.’’ I asked.
‘‘Oh yes, thank you. Don’t worry, the view is worth the voyage.’’ He said, staring at me.
I was ready to lose it when Lucy came in between us to tell him that tonight was the welcoming ball in his honor and that he should get some rest. He agreed and followed her so she could show him his room. He looked at me one more time over his shoulder before entering the castle. I let out a loud sigh when he was gone. Everyone turned towards me, and I was left blushing again. Susan approached me with the biggest smirk and started to tease me, ‘’Char…’’ she said in a whisper.
‘’Shut up.’’ I told her.
__________________________________________
‘‘There are so many people, I thought the Lone Islands were supposed to be lonely.’’ Edmund joked. Lucy and I laughed with him. We were watching people dance all round the ball room and we would occasionally do small talk with our guests. Susan had been asked to dance by Caspian and she looked a little too happy. Peter was having a drink with some very high coveted people, and he looked happy, too.
‘‘My… I know one who hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you.’’ Lucy said to me, pointing at the other side of the room. Prince Charmont was there, talking with people, but his gaze would always return on me every chance he could. When he noticed I was looking at him too, he lifted his head up a bit as a greeting and gave me a kind smile.
I immediately turned to Lucy, she saw the panic in my eyes, and she wanted to cheer me up. ‘‘Y/N, c’mon, don’t be shy. You’re absolutely gorgeous and every guy would want a chance with you.’’ She smiled innocently. ‘‘No, Lu you don’t understand. I can’t do this! He’s not even from here and it’s supposed to be business.’’ I said, stressed out.
‘‘There is no rule about strictly business, you decided it was rule. You’re allowed to have fun, however you want.’’ She winked at me. I tried to tell her no, but she didn’t let me talk. ‘‘Anyway, he’s coming towards you now, too late!’’ She said, pushing me away. I let out a ‘‘What? No-’’, but I ended up face to face with the prince, our noses almost touching.
I backed away and apologized, ‘‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry… Prince Charmont, I didn’t mean to-’’
‘‘There’s no worry, I assure you.’’ He said, calmly, but hurt that I still called him by his full name. Then, he prepared himself to ask, ‘‘I was just wondering if you would do me the pleasure of granting me a dance?’’. He held out his hand to me.
Lucy softly kicked my leg so I would say yes, and I tried to keep a straight face because of that. But we all knew, even if I didn’t want to accept, I could not refuse a dance to our guest of honor. So, I took his hand and said, ‘‘Of course.’’
The biggest smile appeared on the prince’s face, and he led me to the center of room. He pressed one hand on my hip and the other was still attached to mine. He slightly pulled me closer to him so I could place my other hand on his shoulder, then we began to move. The orchestra was playing one of my favorite songs, everyone had started to leave us alone to go to the buffet. It was just me and him, dancing and turning. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard the prince saying something. ‘‘I’m sorry, what?’’ I asked.
‘‘I said, you are the most beautiful girl, you know that?’’ He repeated, while continuing to dance.
My heart nearly skipped a beat, but I didn’t know what to answer, so I smiled and said nothing. He sighed softly, trying to catch my gaze. I think he knew why I was being distant, but he still wanted to ask. ‘‘Why won’t you call me Char?’’
I let go of his hand and stopped dancing. He watched me in silence, waiting for me to answer.
‘‘If I call you that, it means that I consider you like a friend, or more…’’ I told him.
‘‘Would that be such a problem?’’ He looked at me with a sad face. ‘‘Actually, yes it would be. You’re a prince, soon to be king, and I’m a queen, we have to keep things professional for the sake of our kingdoms.’’ He was staring at me so intensely, I thought he could see into my soul. He walked up to me and pulled me close once again, closer than before. He lifted my chin with two fingers so I would look into his eyes.
In a low voice, that ended up in a whisper, he said, ‘‘The thing is, I don’t think I could ever keep things professional between us.’’
‘‘My Aslan, what have I got myself into?’’
#multi fandom imagines#imagines#multifandom imagines#multifandom#the pevensies#peter pevensie#narnia#narnia imagine#peter pevensie imagine#prince charmont#ella enchanted
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Eden! Would love to hear all the things you love about A Cinderella Story!! :D Also I hope you are having a marvelous day darling! <3
Magpie!!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖 My dear my darling my friend I am SO delighted you asked!
Of course I had to go back and re-watch to be able to answer this properly, but in all honesty this is one of my all-time movies- I think I watched it for the first time about ten years ago and I even repeat the lines to myself at random to make m'self laugh. I'm never quite sure whether it's actually GOOD but I love it. Therein lies all the difference I suppose.
A list of Good things:
- Carter! Carter is such a good addition. I think a lot of adaptions are definitely aided by what I would call the lizard-who's-only-a-footman role, or a person who can stand by Cinderella and be witness to the love that enters her life. Carter really freshens this film and lifts it above what it might be otherwise, because I think he's a reminder for Sam that she can be self-reliant, but she doesn't HAVE to be, which makes all the difference.
- Rhonda! I will fully admit I have cried to the scene where Sam is moving into Rhonda's cottage more times than not, maybe because to me Rhonda represents a lot of what I want to be, but am never quite certain if I will get there. I think she's a really great addition as well, because it's rare for an adaption to have the fairy godmother play a real role in the story, but this one (like Ella Enchanted) has her as essentially a main character, present as Sam's best friend and closest thing she has to a parent. The Rhonda who goes to bat for Sam, who spends years working a job that has become miserable to help watch over her girl, who always has a place for Sam to be safe and loved- she matters a lot to me.
- "I am a VERY APP-EAL-ING PERSON!!!" "Yeah, in your head!" (The amount of times I've mimicked this line in my life!!! it's weirdly perfect.)
- Carter looking back when Sam gets to the party and everyone's staring at her and his smile of pride and hope and joy for her!!!!
- The prince (Austin) is an actually decent person! He throws back her baseball and is impressed that she's the one who hit it so far! He offers to pay for his friends' drinks and is upset when they're rude!
- "Love her dress. Hate her!" (If we all could all sum up things this succinctly and clearly, it would make life a lot easier, I think)
- a good dance scene. a proper one. it can heal many ills in a movie, just to have a proper dance scene without any self-consciousness to it. though as always, it cracks me up that there are just. random musicians standing there who were like. i mean i know this isn't the wedding we were hired to play for but we'll play for these young lovers. they need to have their very important moment of looking at each other that is really them Looking at each other. sounds plausible sounds real. (though I will admit, from my childhood of being part of the family who played for everyone's wedding, this might be legit if you catch us in a good enough mood.)
- "I'm late!" "For what?" "Reality."
- there's something almost Shakespearean to me about how fundamental a lot of the plot elements of this movie are. Like the mistaken identities? The straightforwardness of the cloying and fumbling evils of the antagonists? The mutual pining a la Miraculous Ladybug where they're both caring for each other without being really conscious of who it is they're caring for, just wanting to do so anyway? It's all chef's kiss for me.
- The entire silent exchange when Austin shows up to the diner and Sam informs all her (diner) family that he's The Boy- I die every. time. someone tries to ask Rhonda a question in the background and she's like "no. I'm busy watching my daughter flirt. come back later."
- the Dress being a wedding dress. perfect to me somehow, despite it being a very early oughts type dress.
- the deeply Sensible character that Sam is. as a person who has worked hard at cultivating my relationship with being sensible for years, this is wonderful representation for me. Sam is a hard worker, and is probably even more of a tryhard than I am, which is saying something.
- her speech to Austin at the end!!! Is very, very good. her disappointment in him is so palpable and in my mind, highly justified when put in context with his place of privilege as opposed to Sam- Austin is intelligent, popular, surrounded by people who like him, as well as the vital thing of a parent who still loves and cares for him, which even with his feelings of being trapped by all these things make her reasonably upset that SHE'S the one who has to be brave first and reach out first despite her having very few of the same advantages. There's a straightness and clearness and purity to her showing up and telling him how it is and how he's affected her. It is what really, really sells this movie for me, I think.
- Sam: “Besides, if I don't go, who else is gonna explain the game to you?”
Carter, nodding: "Yeah...."
Sam: "I like what you're wearing, what character are you today?"
Carter: "Myself."
Sam: "I think it's your best look."
there's very little I don't love about this exchange.
- there's a sweetness to the climactic scene of this movie that I'm very fond of. the end of the drought being this rainstorm of emotion and honesty!!!! the "our secret moments in a crowded room" energy of it all. him running after her and her, sensible girl that she is, being like WHAT are you DOING??? The "I'm sorry I waited for the rain." "It's okay."
- also Sam's future being secured by the will hidden in her fairy tale book, like a wink from her dad telling her that it's okay to dream and that he'll be there supporting her.
ultimately, it winds up that I love this film because it touches on all the elements of what makes a true Cinderella adaption to me, which is the question and search of identity. For me, what makes Cinderella my favorite story in all its forms is the essential question nestled in its center, and for me the real question is always: if you are a person going through a storm, can you relate to who you were before, or are you now ultimately the person who is covered in ashes? Can you be seen through them anyway? Can you retain your joy with the sorrow of now? And even this film covers that in a real way, which is what makes it a real Cinderella to me, when multiple others want to be but aren't. (what makes an actual Cinderella adaption is usually whether I like it or not; it's a very complicated process but you can report back here whenever confused.) It all boils down to a girl who doesn't know if she can ever be known, and the boy who still knows her. It's as simple as that, and I love it very, very dearly.
#also my darling @thebirdandhersong watching this and not being able to separate agent thompson from austin#was INCREDIBLY endearing and funny to me aksdjhashdjf#also celeste used to have sam's entrance as her banner for a long time and !!!! i think of her every time i watch it now#thinking out loud#friends tag#(i'm having a very happy day magpie. thank you for asking 💖)
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A SingleDad!Frankie thought (or more likely a Marcus Moreno) Thought:
You’re at a bookstore/library, just minding your business, reading. When you hear someone quietly struggling in the section near you. “What does this mean? Is she too young to read this?” And he’s holding like. A cookbook or something. (I know, “incompetent dad” thing is annoying as hell, but bare with me, THIS IS A FANTASY DAMMIT.)
“Can I offer a suggestion?” He jerks his head up to look at you and your sweet smile makes his brain short circuit and heart go BRRRRR. “Yes, please.” “How old is your daughter? 11? How does she feel about princesses? Or possibly mythology?” AND YOU PICK OUT SILLY BOOKS FROM WHEN YOU WERE A KID THAT YOU REMEMBER LOVING?? (Like I specifically remember loving Harry Potter, the Percy Jackson series, the “fairytale retellings” like Ella Enchanted, and the Dear America/Royal Diaries series.)
And so you give him like a whole stack of books and he’s like “ah, thanks! I hope she likes these!” And you just chuckle because WOW this smoking hot DAD who CLEARLY loves his daughter very much makes your tummy feel all melty when he smiles his thank you.
And then a few weeks later you’re at the bookstore/library again and you see F (or M) approaching you with a young girl in tow (who HAS to be his daughter, they have the same curly brown hair) and he LIGHTS UP when he recognizes you. DID HE HAVE THOSE DIMPLES LAST TIME YOU SAW HIM???
They walk over and he introduces you to his daughter, and she immediately begins asking for more books to read because she FLEW through those that he already got her (that’s why they’re back; she’s getting the next in the series’) and you laugh and spend the next hour asking her what she likes and going from there. He’s just puttering along behind (he won’t leave his daughter with a stranger, even if the stranger is very cute and has a smile that makes his heart stutter, AND his daughter seems to like so much). He listens and takes notes on what you both seem to have in common. Once she has an armful of books again, you turn to him and ask if he’s like any recommendations as well, and he just blushes a bit. He waits till you’re both out of earshot of his daughter to ask for your number.
SO YOU GONNA WRITE THIS OR WHAT
these fucking dads, I tell you
@filthybookworm and I have been obsessed with Dad Javier Peña, cradling a baby on his chest while watching TV and then after taking that baby off to bed, coming out into the living room to join you on that couch 😏
or an unnamed WIP I have of single dad Frankie, waiting in line to board a plane with his cooing, gorgeous baby girl who then proceeds to projectile spit up on his flannel, forcing a stranger to assist (is that not that grossest meet cute or — )
or THIS DIVINE THING YOU’VE WRITTEN — that mention of dimples? A doting father encouraging reading? I’m dying for this — please continue and tag me in it! ❤️ 🙌🏻
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Why were you disappointed by the Howl's Moving Castle movie? I think I read the book years ago, but I don't remember much about it
i'm gonna critique the gibbly movie and it's my understanding that it's a special movie for a lot of people so if that's you feel free to skip this one
so i was delighted and enchanted by the book, which has only twice to date not made the movie a devastating letdown, so my dear friend sending me this book was pretty much signing a contract in her own blood accepting that i would be cranky about the movie. i'm not really a ghibli person either, like i can appreciate the artistry and value in them, and i'll watch it if the people i'm with really need to watch princess mononoke or whatever, but i just don't go out of my way to watch them. (i like reading meta about spirited away, though.)
i did go out of my way to watch this one because i loved the book so much.
it's important to remember the culture in which the movie was made as opposed to the culture in which the book was made. howl is welsh, if that says anything to you. (his name is howell, and he adopted the name howl to run from himself and seem more magical. i love him and movie howl had none of those elements except for when he told us he was a coward and i was like. ok lol, i'll jot that down because i didn't see it in the text)
so i'm not necessarily surprised by the creative changes they made, but i am confused, because those changes drastically affect the characterization, the character motivations, and the pacing of the story.
(i also was only able to get my hands on the dub and i loathe and detest christian bale as howl lmfao but that's subjective)
so first of all, does movie sophie, like, want anything? she's flawless as a character. even though she has a completely different personality as an old lady than she does as a young lady, there's nothing wrong with her. everybody is fond of her, she's shy, she's gentle, she's beautiful, and she's kind, and her only motivation in the whole movie is this vague desire to cure the curse, but even then she doesn't work on it much at all. her life before howl is about being buffeted around like a leaf in the wind, and her life after howl is about being buffeted around like a cow in a twister. sophie in the movie is a blank slate. she is insecure about her looks (seriously, they couldn't even give her like a crooked nose or something, only doll-faced, thin, pale women over here), and her confessing this and crying about it for about four seconds was the first truly deep emotional response i had seen of her. i cried when she cried, who doesn't grapple with feelings of inadequacy? then the kid came out and she was like, okay, i'm done being upset now :)
second of all, howl is a little eccentric, but mostly he's just a glorious gentleman who has a messy room and one (1) overly dramatic depressive episode. it was disturbing to me as a viewer because it was violent and came out of nowhere, and it never comes back again lmao. it was so bizarre, he's introduced as this suave, debonair man in a cape, and he stays that way the entire movie, except for a weird moment in the middle where he screams at sophie naked and then lists the character flaws that we the viewers have never witnessed. why does he like sophie? why does sophie like him?
why did they turn michael into a child? i just don't see what that added to the story lmao. i get them taking out the complexity of secrets involving sophie's decidedly interchangeable sisters and their mystery beaus, it's a lot to fit into a little movie; but like, why did they turn him into a child though lmao
there's a lot of fatphobia in the movie too.
the change that upset me the most, though, was that the element of sophie having the ability to influence things without her knowledge was totally abandoned. like i said, things just sort of happen to her. in the book, her hats are the most lovely because she's inadvertently cast spells on them to make whoever wears them seem alluring or mysterious to people. the witch curses her because she recognizes these little spells and believes sophie's trying and failing to trick her (and also because sophie snaps at her lmao, why is movie sophie only an asshole when she's old? leave my daughter alone).
book sophie unknowingly protects howl by worrying over his cape (which she previously shredded because she got mad at him, i love her), she unknowingly enchants the scarecrow by helping it stand and complimenting it. she does that the entire book. she also starts the book already feeling sort of dull and trapped, and spends the story trying desperately to solve mysteries and protect loved ones. movie sophie doesn't like, sit around and knit demurely, don't get me wrong; but all the major plot points are things that howl makes happen to her lol.
i think the scarecrow is an excellent representation of book sophie's inner struggles. it's something she inadvertently enchanted, and she doesn't understand it, so she runs from it. she's terrified of the thing. in that way it kind of stands in for her own agency: only when she was forcibly in disguise did she feel free to find out what she wants her life to look like, and that kind of power is foreign and frightening to her. i loved that for her.
and very late in the book, howl reveals that he knew all along she was under a spell, that he tried to get rid of it out of curiosity (book howl doesn't seem to notice that he's just as imperious and nosy as sophie is), but she resisted it. he couldn't get the spell off. so he assumed she wanted to stay that way and let her be about it. so basically it's very huck finn on the raft, she realizes that in running to get away, she was already away. she had that agency all along.
all of that was missing from movie sophie. the idea of her inadvertently hanging on to the curse is still there, we see that she sort of fades back to her young self while she's asleep (not the case in the book, we know this because howl doesn't know what she looks like until she turns back in the end); but she doesn't seem to gain any knowledge about herself because of this. the only time she seems to have any personal drive, it's to learn about and help howl. her inner struggles are about howl. and i hated movie howl lmao, i hated his design and i hated his voice and i hated how like, patronizing he was to everyone around him. book howl was a condescending dick at times and just weird and distant at others, but he never came across like he was absolutely positive he was seducing sophie at any given moment. it was clear that he was the star of the movie and sophie was just the audience stand in to be like 🤩🥸🧐
the scarecrow who is a prince was the most hilariously egregious moment in the entire movie. in the book, the missing prince is introduced as a plot in the beginning and is referenced repeatedly throughout. and he's a major player in the climax. in the movie, it's the last like five minutes of the film and the scarecrow turns into a dapper boy with bread for hair and is like, "you've cured me! i'm a prince who went missing from a nearby kingdom and i was cursed but now i'm free." and i was like NICE, so we just found out there's a nearby kingdom that has a prince who's been missing. love that for us
the book had a lot of themes that i don't often encounter in fantasy novels - themes of female agency, of disguise, and of chaos. the chaos is my favorite part, every chapter is equally chaotic at various levels. you'll have michael fretting over some spell, sophie fretting over her own spell, howl trying to get someone in disguise to fall in love with him, THAT someone pining over michael, and all the while sophie and howl are bickering because she is cleaning (it seems like she cleans to clean up her mind) and he doesnt want her to (he is afraid of change and of reality), and he needs a huge favor of her, and she needs to wheedle out of it, and she promised calcifer she would free him, and calcifer is repeatedly promising to die of not being appreciated enough, and everybody is having three arguments at once. it's like that in every chapter, culminating in the moment howl and sophie realize they're in love, and they stand clasping hands and sort of smiling at each other in the middle of a room full of panicking and perplexed people just yelling over each other lmfao. surrounded by chaos and no longer thrown by it, rooted there in the middle of it, stabilizing each other in a way. i loved that. i actually flipped back a few pages so i could read that moment again.
and it seemed to me that the movie tried to imply that with visual chaos, but everything else was really quite linear and simple. everything was very airy. and since the conflama and the general atmosphere and character dynamics of the book is what made me fall in love with it, the movie didn't work for me.
tumblr user door pointed out that the book and the movie are extremely different and she appreciates them both as separate entities, and she's wise and correct; i knew this and i tried so hard to engage with the movie on its own terms. but i couldn't divorce them in my mind. i felt the same way about ella enchanted and practical magic. i cant stop thinking like, i wish they hadn't gotten rid of x, i wish they hadn't added this weird element of y.
also it was boring. i checked to see how much more was left three times. sorry. i can't express enough how little i cared about the plot with the witch and somebody's secretly evil boss and time traveling to yell at howl or something, because i didn't connect with the characters. and the feathers growing out of howl triggered my weird phobia about things being embedded in skin. i'm skeeved just remembering it.
anyway, yeah. the movie was beautifully animated and whatever atmosphere they were going for was pretty consistent throughout. oh and i LOVED calcifer. he was my favorite in both the book and the movie. in fact, he was the only character in the movie who they didn't really change, he was petty and bitchy in both versions. i loved him. he's like, "SHE FED ME SOMETHING YUCKY" my perfect, horrible boy.
oh and. book sophie was a redhead. that's all.
after i finished the book i tried to draw how imagined them:
couldn't finish it though, i wasn't super jazzed about how it was coming out.
she's sitting in like, a window well altering a coat of his without permission. and he's like, i guess i'll have to wear this one instead, and she's like, i guess you will
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ok, cinderella (2021) rambling:
it's definitely more light hearted than most cinderella stories. much like Happy Feet 2 (2011) the opening number is rhythm nation performed by,, basically every character. then there's this super drastic tone shift from everyone singing and dancing to camila cabello in a basement.
however it becomes clear pretty quickly that this cinderella is in a much better living situation than most other cinderellas. for one, she's very clean. at one point one of the stepsisters is like, "there's dirt on your face," when there's literally not a hair out of place on camila's head. she has a very spacious basement bedroom, again very clean, with a nice queen sized bed, and lots of space for her dressmaking, because this cinderella is a girlboss designer. her relationship with her stepfamily is more tense than straight up abusive. really only one of the stepsisters is mean, the other is just kinda simple, and the conflict with her stepmother comes more from her not supporting cinderella's girlboss ambitions.
also, idina menzel plays the stepmother and, no shade to miss cabello, but every time they sing together idina sings cabello under the table.
but yeah, the stepmother's whole deal is that she wants all her daughters (cinderella included) to marry well so that they can have a secure future, later we find out that this is because she tried to Have It All when she was a young woman and lost her husband for being too ambitious. this causes friction with cinderella bc she dont need no man, she just wants to run a boutique! but women arent allowed to own businesses in this kingdom >:( . cinderella is less "a servant in her own house" in this and more of like, the family's black sheep, she's a creep, she's a weirdo. she's also very sassy, very snarky, actually so is everyone else. everyone's always making witty comebacks and snide comments.
speaking of weirdos. i didnt like the costuming, especially the townspeople's. it was all over the place, like there'd be a man in one of those baggy peasant shirts and burlap pants next to some dude in jeans and flannel. and cinderella's ballgown top (bustier?) was too big for her. like, she'd dance and she would literally move inside of the thing, it fit her like a turtle shell. the skirt was ugly too. oh! near the beginning she goes out to sell one of her dresses, and she runs into the prince in disguise and he buys it, its a whole meet-cute thing. later we see his little sister wearing it at the ball after its been hyped up as like, "wow, ella youre such a boss designer," and its literally three pieces of tulle wrapped around each other.
which reminds me, something i really liked was the prince's sister, princess gwendolyn. she's this precocious young woman with a ceo haircut who has all these ideas about how to improve the kingdom and she just wants a seat at the table but the king wont allow it because she's a girl. also she's constantly dressed in these medieval executive realness outfits with like, turtlenecks; i found it very funny. the movie could've been about her and i wouldve been happy.
the pumpkin. the pumpkin. billy porter shows up in a gorgeous gold get-up to do the whole fairy godmother thing, and after giving cinderella her ugly dress he turns a crate into a carriage and horses, and the birtish comedian mice into her driver and footmen. now, granted not every cinderella needs a pumpkin carriage. the grimms' cinderella gets her things from the tree at her mother's grave and the birds. however, the fairy godmother, the glass slippers, the transformations, and the stroke-of-midnight thing are all present here and, i think, the pumpkin carriage is part of that iconic perrault bundle.
honestly i'm not so mad at it now that ive had some time away from it,, but i wouldn't watch it again. the songs all felt very... shallow. it's a jukebox musical, but it doesnt feel very cohesive, and breaks into song and dance very abruptly. ultimately i dont think its that bad of a movie, but its not good either. what it is bad at though is being a cinderella story. i think if you called it something like "the dressmaker and the prince: a modern fairytale" and just played with general fairytale tropes a la Ella Enchanted (2004) and Enchanted (2007) without being explicitly a cinderella story you wouldnt lose anything. the screenwriter+director, kay cannon, has worked on 30 rock, new girl, and basically created the whole pitch perfect franchise, as well as the short-lived netflix comedy, Girlboss. when i heard about that last one everything about cinderella (2021) kinda made sense.
#cinderella 2021#i have more thoughts but i couldnt think how to fit them in#but if u want me to complain about this movie more dm and i'll gladly do it lol
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Stargazing | kth
Genre: fluff x nonidol!au x established relationship x professor!taehyung
Pairing: astrophysicist!taehyung x reader
Rating: E for everyone!
Word Count: 1.8k
Summary: High up in the mountains, in a small village, there lives two young lovers; one is an astrophysicist, the other a dutiful plant mom and writer. On a special night, with a special supermoon, Taehyung, wants to picnic and watch it travel across the sky. With fireflies lighting the waves of grass, you settle among its drifting blades as Taehyung shares his passion of space and the wonder it holds.
Author’s note: This is a sensory drabble with a little more dialogue, but I don’t think it takes away from the comfort it’s supposed to portray. Plus, I fucking love space.
“I’ll take you there one day.”
Taehyung’s slim finger partially covered your view of the moon for a moment. Tonight, there was a supermoon and he was adamant on taking you out for a night picnic. With a basket slung under his arm (you may have teased him a little for it) and his other arm intertwined with yours, he led you up the path shortly before moonrise. Your small village was nestled in the mountains, away from the busy life of the city the both of you had been used to up until a year ago. The both of you decided your lives weren’t fulfilled enough, sold most of your belongings, and moved to the mountains and you hadn’t looked back since. Fireflies danced among the trees and the ferns that grew beneath them. The sound of soft dirt beneath your feet sounded softly in the night, as if you walked on air. A cool breeze blew through the trees and it almost sounded as if waves were crashing on a shore. The night was filled with the sounds of crickets, cicadas, predatory night birds, and the winds coming down from the mountains. Sticks snapped beneath your feet every now and again. The clearing was one you visited often. The tall grass swayed gently in the breeze and the moon cresting over the trees cast it in a muted blue that made it seem like waves at dawn.
Now, the both of you were laid on the blanket on your backs, watching as the moon traveled slowly across the sky. The sky was dotted with thousands of stars that only highlighted the moon even more.
“To the moon?”
“Mhmm.”
You looked at him out of the corner of your eye. His hands rested on his stomach and you looked at his profile. From here, you could see the reflection of the stars in his eyes and you wished you could look at them head on without blocking the view. But for now, you were satisfied with seeing them as if standing at the edge of a clear pool. His eyes shone in the night. He never liked his brown eyes, but you thought they were the brightest eyes you had ever seen. Even his eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks as he slowly blinked. His soft, dark hair haloed his head and soft curls fell across his forehead. You looked back towards the sky. The moon was almost too bright to look at for very long, but you were fascinated by the amount of detail you could see. Craters stood out in stark contrast from the white ashy surface, streaks of darker gray the only other proof that something had hit it.
“That’d be nice.”
He hummed as the wind pick up again. You laid in the middle of the field, blanket tamping down the grass where you sat, but the rest still stood tall around you as if you laid in an enchanted pool. It dipped down low, tickling at your legs so you scooted a little closer to Taehyung. He instinctively moved his arm so that you could tuck under, head resting on his shoulder. Fireflies were continuing to come out by the hundreds, dancing among the grass and the trees further beyond the field. An owl flew overhead once and a bat or two would skitter across your vision jauntily.
“What constellations are out tonight?”
In all honesty, you just wanted to hear him talk. You weren’t sure what it was. Maybe his voice was at just the right decibel. You were positive his voice could be taken and made into a binaural beat that would put the listener to sleep instantly or relax their tired soul. Whatever ailed you, his voice soothed the ache.
“Well, I see Capricorn and Aquarius. Oh, and Pavo is right over the trees…”
He trailed off, knowing he tended to get carried away. After all, the other reason you had moved here was for the observatory. Taehyung was a professor of astrophysics and when he decided to move, still made a living doing research for the university and published regularly.
“Tell me more about stars,” you said almost dreamily. You really did just want to watch the sky while he talked.
And talk he did. As you gazed out into the starry night you tried to imagine what he was describing. He was always so good at turning space into a story that you weren’t surprised he was the most popular professor at University. You tried to imagine that you had vision that could see beyond this earth and into the heavens above as he spoke. You traveled through various clouds of dust as his voice rumbled beneath you, guiding you through the galaxy. Then there was almost a storm, a turbulence within the cloud as the gas and dust began to collapse in on itself. You imagined the warmth on your face, contrasted sharply with the freezing temperatures of space, as the core heated. Taehyung waved his hand towards the sky as he spoke, gesturing to it in general as he continued his description.
“…protostars. It’s at the heart of these cores that someday become the star…”
You could practically see the brightness behind your eyelids as you closed your eyes, using the light of the moon to further your daydream.
“It kind of just gathers dust, but not all of it becomes a star. They could become asteroids or even planets.”
You loved his passion and it warmed you against the cold around you. You held onto him a little tighter as the temperature dropped. The moon was beginning to dip behind you, almost directly overhead now. The soft skin of his jaw was pressed to your forehead and when he talked it moved gently against your skin. The crickets were still just as loud, and the fireflies were having a dance all their own in the moonlight; they were the bioluminescence to this grassy ocean. An owl hooted behind you, nestled amongst the dark branches of the trees at the edge of the clearing.
“And when they die, they leave so many beautiful things behind.”
You let your fingers brush gently along his sweater as you nestled a little closer, sighing deeply as he continued to speak in his soft baritone.
“Their death are sad fates, but it’s amazing how long they get to live. They can be one of the oldest things in the universe, having lived for billions of years and we’re just here in the blink of an eye.”
He was always fascinated with life and life outside of himself. His fascination with the stars had started in an early age and traveled with him for the rest of his life. He reached for the old Tecsun hand crank radio he always kept by his side “just in case”. Taehyung without the radio wasn’t Taehyung. He had set it perfectly, just by memory, to the perfect station at peak clarity. Miles away, and up in the mountains a little higher than you were now sat a large radio tower with a small, white building at its base. On this night it was playing Ella Fitzgerald and The Andrews Sisters. The music floated softly on the air and the fireflies seemed to sway in time to the lilting beat.
“In a supernova the core collapses and explodes. These insane nuclear reactions happen, and the core literally creates iron, ____, now the star has taken all the nuclear energy it can and the star can no longer support its own mass and the iron core collapses.”
Taehyung is animated now, body shifting a little beneath you, but not enough to make you uncomfortable. You still fit comfortably under his arm and his warm hand never left the outside of your elbow. He was using his other hand to explain what he was saying, even though you weren’t looking. Every now and again, you’d open your eyes to see what shadows the moon was casting on his face now. Now that it was dropping behind you, his soft cheekbones were highlighted, and they cast shadows down his cheeks. The dip beneath his bottom lip was dark as night. His eyes, however, still reflected the stars. From this angle, you could watch both as his eyes searched the stars with rapt fascination. He seemed to always be looking for something different, something new. They moved from side to side and sometimes more upwards, exposing only the whites and they shined brilliantly, making you think of his dying stars and how you were made of them.
“In seconds, and imagine this please,” he didn’t need to ask you twice, you were too enraptured in his voice to ignore the words, “the core goes from roughly 5,000 miles across to just about a dozen.”
You inhaled in fascination at the fact. You truly were surprised because Taehyung seemed to always have something new for you to learn, even after all these years.
“It’s almost like one of those strange time travel objects villains always seem to get in superhero movies. Things backfire and then suddenly everything is collapsing in on itself and the whole world is out of control. It’s kinda like that. The outer layers collapse, along with the core. They rebound with the release of energy and literally explode outwards. The amount of energy they release is beyond imagination.”
He spread all his fingers across the sky, palm to the stars he talked so lovingly about. The stars still shined by the hundreds, some brighter than others, and some you had to squint to see. His hand moved like a strange black creature moving across the sky, but you watched his graceful fingers move, pointing out things he was talking about and what it would look like there.
“From days to weeks, a supernova can outshine a galaxy. The subatomic particles are the array of colors you see, but they occur once every hundred years. About 25 or so are discovered a year in other galaxies, but they can’t be seen without a telescope.”
Glenn Miller’s ‘Moonlight Cocktail’ played quietly next to him on the blanket, making the moment that much more surreal. You wanted to create a bubble around this moment and stay in it, or revisit whenever you wanted. His hand, gentle on your arm and, despite your sweater, made your heart flutter a little every time he tightened his grip after being relaxed for a while. In turn, your grip on his sweater would tighten the slightest. He sighed now, resting in his explanation, as his hand settled on your hand. He held your fingers gently under his and his warmth was welcome.
“Thank you for doing this with me,” he whispered.
“I could do this forever.” You sighed contentedly; eyes closed as you listened to the music.
“I want that with you. Two lovers side by side together, two stars in the sky, dying out brilliantly in the end. Stargazing.”
And with the whisper of a kiss to your forehead, curls spilling across your skin, the two of you connected like twin stars, did just that.
Stargazed.
#bangtanarmynet#ficswithluv#btswriterscollective#taehyung#taehyung fluff#astrophysicist!taehyung#taehyung x reader#bts fluff#space#stars#reader insert#stargazing
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Blue Eyes Epilogue
Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.
“Alf?”
“You alright, love? I heard you getting a bit heated over the phone.” Alfie was at the sink, gently washing the sand off Ezra’s feet. Father and son had been out on the beach that morning watching the waves and the sea birds overhead.
“I was on the phone with Tommy.” Ella set Sofia down so she could go to Alfie.
“I figured that much.” He replied sympathetically.
She walked around to stand by the sink. Ezra gave her a gummy smile, squirming a bit because of the cold water on his toes. Ella grabbed a towel to give to Alfie so he could dry Ezra off. “I just don’t know what to think anymore.”
“About what, love?” He asked, shutting off the sink and taking the towel from his wife.
“Just…everything. Tommy was going on and on about how things used to be. I mean-I understand where he’s coming from. He spent all that time looking toward the future, looking at what he could have instead of appreciating what he did have. Now he regrets it because look at everything that’s happened. We’ve lost so many people. But…I like what I have now. I can’t look to the past anymore.”
“I hate to say it, but your brother’s gone and dug his own grave, hasn’t he? He wanted power and this is what it gave him. The man doesn’t know when to quit.” Alfie wiped off Ezra’s feet even though the toddler gave him a bit of a hard time, kicking his legs and giggling like mad.
“But we know when to step away, right?” Ella asked quietly.
Alfie set Ezra down so he could dry his hands off. “What’s the matter, love? Talk to me.”
Ella wrapped her arms around herself, thoroughly shaken by the world around her. When once she had been so fearless, she was becoming aware of how chaotic things could become. “I’m scared that we’re going to lose everything we’ve worked for.”
“We’re not gonna lose anything. What are you afraid of losing?” Alfie wasn’t looking to ridicule his wife, he saw the fear in her eyes, and in turn, it worried him. One of his primary jobs was to comfort her.
“I’m afraid of losing you, I’m afraid of losing the twins, I-I’m afraid of losing my sanity, Alfie.” Her voice broke. “I never expected any of this to happen. Th-this has all gone too far and I can’t take it anymore.”
“It’s alright love.” He embraced her, pulling her to his chest.
“It’s not alright, Alfie. I’m not going to give you up because of the things Tommy does. But there are things in this world that I can’t stop.”
Alfie was starting to pick up on the root of her worry. After all, Mosley was just one man. They could deal with individuals, gangs even. But when there was some sort of movement, with an unknown amount of people following? Well, they couldn’t exactly fight off the world, could they? Even if Tommy Shelby liked to think he could. “The world we’re living in, s’not ideal, is it? But there are more people who are willing to fight this than are willing to stay quiet.”
“How do you know that?” She asked.
“Because I fought in a bloody war for the sake of this country.” He reminded her. “I don’t doubt that we’d do it again if we’re threatened again.”
“But they’re here, Alfie. There are people in Britain who would rather see you hung than fight for you.”
There were things that Alfie could brush off. He could brush off her brother’s disdain for him. He could brush off the slurs that Darby was so fond of calling him. He could even brush off that he was shot in the eye. But he couldn’t brush off his wife’s concern for him. “What would you suggest we do then, love?” He asked softly, gently petting her hair.
“I think we should just go somewhere else.” She whispered. “We can go to America, we can put this behind us.”
“There are fascists in America, El. There ain’t a place on this Earth that’s pure.” He told her truthfully. “America might be further away, but it ain’t much different.”
Ella couldn’t argue with that. She knew that it didn’t matter how far she went. It didn’t matter if she changed her last name from Shelby. She would always be involved in Tommy’s game. It was her birthright. Something would always bring her back.
“Mumma.”
Ella drew away from Alfie so she could scoop Ezra up. “I won’t lose them.” She whispered. It had been painful enough to lose her twins before they were even born. But to lose Ezra and Sofia after she had bonded with them? Ella knew she would never be able to come back from that.
Alfie nodded. “Well, we’ve got more than enough money to retire. We can sell the bakery, sell the flat in Camden. We can stay here for the rest of our lives.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. It’s a scary world, but you know we can make it work. It’ll be alright. I promise.”
~~~~~~~~~~
For the next few years, Ella lived her life very removed from her family. That wasn’t to say she never saw them. She made a habit to keep in touch but wouldn’t involve herself in any business matters. She was vocal about Tommy’s mental state but there wasn’t anything anyone could do. It was all in his hands. And he continued on as the soldier he was.
Lizzie and Polly confided in Ella often, if only to make sure they weren’t going crazy because of Tommy’s behavior. But they also respected that Ella was raising her own family and had more than enough good reasons to keep her distance.
For the most part, she and Alfie remained at Margate with the children. Retired and happy to be retired, Alfie was content staying by the ocean. They returned to Camden for special occasions or to see friends and family. But Ella felt much more comfortable at Margate. Going back to London was just another reminder of the trouble brewing. There was unrest, not just in the city, and not just in the country. It was across the continent and Ella felt like everyone was just holding their breath, waiting for the powder keg to explode again.
Outside of the city, however, she felt much more removed from it all. She could truly enjoy her life as being a wife and mother. She had gained the peace she had always looked forward to.
As the twins grew, their personalities started to blossom and it was such a lovely thing to see.
Sofia was a rambunctious little girl who loved the outdoors. One of her favorite things was to trawl the shoreline with Alfie by her side so she could find little sea critters in tide pools. Or sometimes she’d crouch in the garden, hunting for bugs and earthworms. A day without getting her clothes stained with dirt or covered in sand was not a day well spent in Sofia’s eyes.
Ezra was on the shyer side. He became very bashful when talking to people he didn’t know well and would cling to Ella when they were visiting others in Camden. But he was curious in his own way. Often times, he would have long discussions with his father, simply asking endless questions about how things worked. Where the sun went at night, how did clocks know the time, how did the record player work, why did Cyril have a tail and he didn’t, how come birds fly, how big is the moon. Any little thing would pique his curiosity and he would rush to Alfie for information.
Trouble was, Alfie wasn’t too sure how to answer his questions most of the time. There were some things he could explain, but most of Ezra’s questions were beyond his expertise. It was a blessing, then, that Ezra learned to read at a very young age. He absorbed books like a sponge and it was hard to get him to stop reading and go to bed.
Their differing personalities positively enchanted Ella. Despite how difficult motherhood was, she was so happy to take the journey. Every day, her children surprised her and gave her another reminder of how blessed she was.
It was a difficult balance, trying to keep her children safe while still allowing them to have a relationship with their kin. It was easier to have them around the people from Camden. They grew up with the other children of Ella’s friends and came to know the people they would consider like aunts and uncles.
But with Birmingham, Ella was very cautious. She understood how easy it was to be swept up into the Shelby Company Limited. Her cousin Michael was a great example. Although raised outside of the family, once he was back in, there was no going back. Ella refused to allow her children to be roped in. Perhaps she was being over-skeptical of her own family. But she was willing to be over-cautious rather than let her guard down.
Still, she allowed her children to attend parties and holidays with the Shelby family. It was tense, at least in Ella’s shoes. She watched her brothers like a hawk whenever they were around the twins.
~~~~~~~~~~
One bright summer afternoon, while celebrating Finn’s birthday at Arrow House, Tommy came over to his sister.
She was sitting in the shade, watching her children play with their cousins on the lawn. Cyril and Anthea were running around with them, just as happy. Alfie was talking with Polly a bits away. The two had grown a well-formed relationship of respect. Polly liked that he had taken care of Ella all those years and Alfie appreciated Polly’s sanity.
Tommy took a seat beside his sister and pulled out a cigarette. He coughed a bit as he lit it.
“Y’know, some people are saying smoking is bad for you.” She said. “Maybe you should cut down.”
“Lots of things in life are bad for you.” He replied and took a drag from the cigarette anyways.
“Charlie looks so much like Grace now.” Ella did everything in her power to avoid arguments at family functions. She knew there was no point, nothing she could do would change anyone’s minds especially Tommy’s.
Charlie was kicking a football back and forth with Karl, trying to keep the ball from Anthea. He was so grown from the little toddler that he once was. He was nearly a teenager, had grown like a weed, and indeed was nearly the spitting image of his mother.
“He’s been asking about her,” Tommy told Ella. “He knows Lizzie isn’t his biological mother, so he’s been asking about Grace.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That we lost her before he was old enough to remember her. I gave him all the photographs I had of her. I don’t know what else to do.”
“I don’t think there’s much else you can do.” Ella shrugged.
The siblings went quiet for a moment. Tommy smoking and Ella watching the children play.
“Do you trust me, El?” He asked out of nowhere.
“Trust you?”
“Yeah.”
She glanced over at him to gauge whether he was trying to get a rise out of her or not. But he seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say. “Why are you asking that?”
“Because it seems like anytime I’m near Ezra or Sofia, you’re looking at me like I’m about to kidnap them or feed ‘em to a lion.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t even say that.”
“So, you completely trust me, then? I’m just overthinking things, aye?” He challenged.
Ella crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “I don’t want to have this conversation with you.”
“You’re kin, Ella. They’re kin. Fuck it, even Alfie is kin by now. You really think I’m going to bring them harm?”
“I trust that you want what’s best for everyone. I trust that all those years ago, you made a conscious decision to help this family. I trust that maybe you didn’t anticipate all of this, and if you had known maybe you never would’ve done any of it. I know you’re a good man, Tommy. I know the person you were growing up. I just…I wish you would quit this. I thought so many times that this would be the one thing that would make you stop. But every time, no matter what happened, you kept at it. I know that if you don’t stop, you’ll be killed. And if that’s something you accept then…there’s nothing else I can do.” She sighed heavily. “But I have to protect my children from that fate. I know you don’t want this for our kids. You said so many times that if we had children, they would never grow up the same way we did. We were supposed to be the ones to stop the cycle, Tom.”
“I know.” He said in a rare tone of assent.
“I’m scared,” Ella admitted, trying to keep her composure for the sake of the party. “I’m so fucking scared of everything in this world now, Tommy.”
Tommy had always known his sister to be fearless. Now it seemed that motherhood had brought up new fears in her. Maybe because she knew what it was like to grow up poor in a dangerous neighborhood. She was familiar with guns before she even went to school. She’d seen death and violence at an early age. It was only a natural instinct to want better for her children. But it didn’t mean she had to have such a crippling fear of everything. “Things are gonna be alright, El.”
“That’s what Alfie says, that’s what everyone says but I’m not blind!” She exclaimed. “I know that it’s only a matter of time ‘fore…”
“Before what?” He asked gently.
Ella shook her head. “It’s a cycle, Tommy, it’s always a cycle. Do you know what I prayed for every night while you and Arthur and John were in France?”
Tommy could only imagine. She was so young back then. “I don’t-tell me.”
“I prayed that you three would all come back home safe. And when you did, I prayed that you’d all find nice women and settle down. I prayed that you would all have good lives and be at peace. But then I saw you at the train station and I knew that would never happen. The things you saw over there, the things that happened…I know why you three changed, I get it. But I never anticipated what would happen after that.”
“I know.”
Ella looked down at her hands, almost too tired to continue going around in circles with him. Facts were facts and the past was the past. “Do you think we’re going to go to war?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah.”
She swallowed and chewed on her lip. “And that doesn’t scare you?”
What else could he say? His nightmares were growing more severe, the shovels were getting louder.
“It terrifies me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
After Finn’s birthday party, Ella felt a little more forgiving toward her family. Maybe if they understood her anxiety, she could trust them a bit more. She also knew that there was no use arguing with Tommy. Both of them understood what it felt like for their sanity to slowly trickle away. They understood what it felt to have the world on their shoulders. They were too alike to blame one another.
One night, back in Margate, Ella was coming in from bringing Cyril and Anthea out. She shrugged off her coat and hung up the dog leashes. Anthea bolted to Ezra’s bedroom while Cyril hobbled down the hall. The bullmastiff was getting up in age but still had the same docile demeanor he had when she had met him for the first time in London as a pup.
Ella gave the old dog a pat. “Good boy.” She said softly and followed him into Ezra’s room where Alfie was reading a bedtime story to the twins.
“My armor is like tenfold…”
“No, Smaug is still talking so you’ve gotta do the voice!” Ezra protested.
Alfie chuckled. “Alright, alright.” He cleared his throat and began to rumble in a deep, menacing voice. “My armor is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail is a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath…death!” He read from The Hobbit dramatically.
Sofia and Ezra laughed, delighted by all the voices their father did for every book he read them. It was commonplace. Alfie always read to them even if he struggled with the strain on his one good eye and often got headaches.
The eight-year-old twins were always insistent that he read to them, and Alfie wasn’t exactly complaining. He loved their rapt expressions as he read. Sofia often laid on the bed, petting Cyril or Anthea as she imagined the scene her father was describing. Ezra cuddled up close to Alfie in the crook of his arm so he could try and read along with his father. Sometimes he’d stop Alfie and point to a word he didn’t understand, asking for the definition.
Sometimes, Ella would sit in just to spend those last few moments of the day with her family. But that night, it had grown too late.
“It’s late, my loves.” She interrupted.
Sofia looked up and pulled a pout. “Nooooo, mummy it’s not that late!”
“It’s summer!” Ezra chimed in.
“It is quite late.” Ella walked into the room.
“Mum’s right.” Alfie dog-eared the page in the book and began to untangle himself from the children, Ezra on his arm and Sofia sprawled over his legs.
“But dad hasn’t finished the chapter,” Ezra whined.
“S’a long chapter, mate.” His father stood and helped him under the covers. “We’ll pick up on the rest of it tomorrow.” He promised. “Not much left of this book anyhow, don’t want to go storming through the rest. Best we take our time ‘n savor it, aye?” He scooped Sofia up so he could bring her to her bedroom.
Ella tucked Ezra in and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight my love.”
Cyril took his place in his bed on the floor of Ezra’s room. It was remarkable because the old dog liked sleeping in the little boy’s room. Ella guessed it was because Ezra spent so much time inside reading with Cyril snoozing beside him on the sofa. Meanwhile, Anthea chose to sleep in Sofia’s room. She was very fond of the little girl who always took her out for adventures outside.
So, Anthea followed them as they brought Sofia across the hall. She hopped up on the bed and curled up by Sofia’s feet.
Alfie and Ella kissed her goodnight before retiring to their own bedroom.
Ella sank into bed as Alfie got ready for the night.
“Y’know, I like the voices you do too.��� She commented.
“Aye?” He chuckled.
“Your dragon voice is very nice.”
“Nice?” He grinned and tossed his shirt to the side. Striding over, he grabbed his wife’s ankles to tug her down the bed.
She stifled a squeal and giggled. “Alfie!”
“Hush now. Don’t go waking up the whole house.” He murmured in a low voice and began to creep up her body until they were face to face.
“Or what? You’ll eat me up?” She teased; her heart started to flutter in her chest. After years of being together, Alfie still never failed to make her swoon. It felt like every night she fell in love with him all over again. Whether they made love or she simply just fell asleep in his arms.
He laughed and captured her lips with his. One hand pressed into the bed while the other lightly grazed down her side before resting on her thigh.
When he drew back, she wove her fingers into his hair and pecked his lips a few more times. “I love you, Alfie Solomons.” She murmured.
“And I love you too, Ella Solomons.” He replied, looking down at her with so much adoration in his eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
August 1940, the Solomons family traveled out to Small Heath. The twins’ birthday had been a few days earlier but they were now going to celebrate with Ella’s side of the family.
It was a strange time to be celebrating anything. The continent was at war yet again. It had been almost a year since Britain declared war and started to mobilize. Ella got horrifying flashbacks off the time her brothers had been at war. It was so difficult to fathom that they would live through a repeat of the Great War. But this time, eyes were turned to the next generation. The generation that had been too young to fight, now they were ready.
Ella urged Polly to do everything she could to keep the Peaky boys off the front lines. But it was futile, not with how headstrong they all were, and not with the draft initiated.
Now they could all only hope this war wouldn’t last as long as the first one did. They could only hope it wouldn’t be as gruesome and wouldn’t claim as many lives.
“Erdington then Castle Bromwich,” Arthur muttered under his breath as he stood by the kitchen counter, drink in hand.
“They’re trying to get a better target.” Tommy agreed with a grim look.
“Enough.” Polly shushed the men, pointing a cake knife at them. “No talk of the war, not tonight. Let the children be children.”
“Sorry, Pol,” Arthur mumbled.
Of course, the war was on all of their minds. It was nearly impossible to ignore it.
Polly brought the two cakes over to set in front of Sofia and Ezra. As she lit the candles, the family gathered around the table and began to sing Happy Birthday.
Ella was ready with her camera to take a picture of them as Alfie stood behind them, with a proud look on his face.
But the moment didn’t last long.
A loud explosion rocked the very ground and was almost immediately followed by a high pitched siren that had become so common to hear in the cities.
The men who fought reacted the quickest. Alfie grabbed Sofia and Ezra by the hand and hurried them to the cellar doors. Polly gathered the rest of the children as Arthur hurried them all along. Ella set her camera down on the table and blew out the birthday candles so they wouldn’t catch anything on fire. Tommy shut the lights off in the house, making sure everything was off upstairs as well.
Once dark, he glanced out the window.
“Tommy, c’mon.” Ella urged and grabbed her brother by the arm.
The two headed downstairs where the rest of the family was hiding out from the air raid.
They knew it was a possibility it was a false alarm. There had been dozens. But there was no telling either way.
“Mummy!” Sofia wailed.
“I’m here, I’m here.” Ella hushed her softly and gathered her into her arms. Alfie held her and the twins close, gently soothing them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It wasn’t a false alarm. Bombs shook the city with such intensity that everyone in the cellar was praying silently or out loud. It felt like they were down there for days when it was mere hours.
No one could sleep that night. In the morning, Ella left the house, she couldn’t listen to the radio anymore. She walked down to the Bullring and found it in ruins. The buildings had been gutted and ash was covering the ground.
It was nearly impossible to fully comprehend. People around her stood and stared at the scene in shock as well. Some were crying, others were too lost to react.
Ella was in such a state that she didn’t notice Tommy standing next to her for a good while. When she did, she glanced up at him.
He saw the same scared little girl who asked her older brothers not to go to France. She was too afraid they wouldn’t come back. She was still there, the scared girl who was afraid of what war would bring her family.
“I’ve got a few leads on houses in the countryside. Plenty of space for you and the kids.” Tommy said quietly.
“We have Margate.”
“Alfie wants to stay away from any city or town. Anything that might become a target. The country is the best option.”
“You spoke to him?”
“Last night.”
Ella’s stomach was in knots. “Okay.”
He nodded. “Stay in Margate until then.”
“We will.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Alfie was still at the flat with the rest of the family when Ella returned. He was sitting by the radio with Arthur, both of them silent. Ezra was laying on the carpet, drawing while Sofia sat on Alfie’s lap.
Arthur turned the volume down a bit when his sister came in. “Alright, El?”
“Yeah, I think we’re going to go back to Margate.” She said quietly.
Alfie nodded. “Sof and Ez go get your things, yeah?”
The kids got up to gather their things as Alfie stood up from the armchair. “Did Tommy talk to you about our plan?”
She nodded. “Yeah, he did.”
“That’s okay?”
“We need to keep them safe.” She concluded. “Anyway, we can.”
“Okay.” He kissed her forehead and rubbed her shoulder.
~~~~~~~~~~
It didn’t take long before Tommy bought the Solomons a place in the countryside. A lovely little home with a sprawling garden and plenty of space for the twins and the dogs.
He saw them off at the train station. Most likely, it would be some time before they saw one another again. Knowing Ella, she would keep her children in the safest possible place until they were guaranteed safety in the outside world. Tommy knew he had to respect that.
“Bye Uncle Tommy.” Ezra and Sofia chimed off, each giving him a big hug.
“Be good for mum and dad, aye?” He said gently. “Make sure you give everyone a call once and a while, okay?”
“Okay!”
“Tom.” Alfie gave his brother-in-law a hearty handshake. “Thanks, mate.”
“Of course.”
Ella swallowed her tears as she hugged Tommy next. “Thank you.”
“I should’ve done this for you when you asked all those years ago. When you wanted to be free and safe.”
“I never would’ve met Alfie if you did.” She pointed out with a tearful smile.
“I guess so.” He chuckled and let go of her.
“Right, ready then?” Alfie helped the kids up into the car of the train then held a hand out to his wife.
She nodded. “Ready.”
-The end
//Thank you to everyone who stuck around for this long! It was so hard to end this but I leave the rest up to season 6 and see how things go from there. Huge thanks to my tag lists. If you’re interested my masterlist of all my oneshots and series are pinned to the top of my blog and my requests are open.I’m currently working on a new Alfie series so stay tuned. In the mean time I have a lot of Alfie one shots with more on the way as well as plenty of Tommy content.
Thank you again!
Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe @evelynshelby
Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye @octaviareina @mylovelykelsifer @doubletriplepowerbomb @ramblingbaby @fuseburner @kaetastic
Masterpost
PB Masterlist
#alfie solomons#alfie solomonsxoc#alfie solomons x oc#alfie solomons imagine#peaky blinders#peaky blinder imagine#peaky fookin blinders#peaky blinders fanfiction#fanfiction#oc#ofc#shelby sister#shelby ofc#shelby oc#tommy shelby#finn shelby#arthur shelby#ocs#polly gray#ada shelby#charles shelby#lizzie stark#season 5#tom hardy character#tom hardy#tom hardy imagine#tom hardy fanfiction#cillian murphy
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Uhhh.... If you want me to retype my personality in DMs, I will! Could I get a ship for the Tenth Doctor and Newt Scamander?
[[Info taken from DMs: My favorite hobbies are painting, sketching, writing, and sometimes singing. My greatest fear is being alone due to my personality. I wanted to be a pilot as a child but I have a fear of falling. I love traveling as long as the trip is safe or I'm with someone I trust. My favorite superhero is Batman. I'm a sucker for Detective types. My favorite Novel is Ella Enchanted. My favorite TV show is Bones (Fox). A mistake I regret is not choosing my middle school friends more carefully. My favorite movie is the Princess Bride. I’m a night owl. I hate getting up in the morning. I like vanilla ice cream and I usually go with the simplest answer when presented with multiple options. I hate repeating myself. I prefer swipe typing to tapping. My biggest pet peeve at the moment is when someone is yelling at another person for not wearing a mask even though they have their nose out. (Wear a mask.) ]]
Fixed Fandom Request: Doctor Who and HP/FB.
I hope you like them :)
Doctor Who:
I actually do ship you with Ten lol.
I think you to would be a fun pair and get on well together. He is very encouraging and kind and would always make you feel wanted and needed. Sometimes he can get on your nerves due to his wishy-washy and sarcastic attitude, but you can dish it out too. Most of your travels end up not being exactly “safe”, but he will always keep you safe.
What you did for your first date:
Ten being who he is, would take you to a really beautiful distant planet.
You would walk through the town and he would explain where you were, and all about the culture of the people who live there.
You would eat the unique food and buy some of their handmade clothes and jewelry/accessories.
At the end of the day you would watch the local yearly festival (which is why he brought you in the first place).
Once it was over you sat on a hill near the Tardis and watched the stars come out until you grew tired.
Ways he shows you he loves you without words:
Taking you anywhere you want to go, on Earth or anywhere else in the universe.
Taking you out t get ice-cream whenever you say you are craving it.
Letting you sleep for as long as you want, and waking you up slowly and gently.
Whenever you sketch or paint something, you will later find it encased in a frame or plastic slip to keep it from getting dirty or ruined.
Best Friend:
I think you would get along best with Amy. She is sassy but kind and I think you would get along really well. She would love the same movies as you, so you two would sometimes have movie nights (which the Doctor would of course attend as well).
- Other Ship Below Cut -
HP/FB:
I actually ship you with Remus Lupin (Marauders Era+)
I feel like you and Remus would get along very well. He is patient and kind and would appreciate your needs and wants more than most others. He loves that you are artistic and shares you love for the same type of movies, shows ans books. I just think you two would be one of the best and cutest couples as hogwarts.
How you met and his first impression of you:
You met at Hogwarts, obviously.
You had seen him around campus, and he had seen you, but you had not met until your third year.
It was in potions class, and you were seating next to each other for the year.
After introduced, you were able to have some casual talk and got to know each other a bit.
His first impression was that you came off a bit shy and uneasy at first, but he was the same way.
By the time class was over, he thought you were really nice, witty and pretty cool.
He was really glad that you were his new seating partner.
How he describes you to his friends/family:
When Sirius and James figured out he had a crush on someone, and asked about you, Remus tried to describe you as to not give you away to easily.
He would describe you as beautiful, creative, smart, funny, and overall pretty neat.
Remus would start listing some little habits you do in class, like the way you fiddle with your pencil, or how you doodle in your notebook.
He would get lost in his thoughts about you and start describing you in more detail to the point where is was obvious he was talking about you.
(Andrew Garfield and young Remus Lupin fc)
Best Friend:
In another time-line, I think your best friend would be Luna. She is very quiet, and does not often hang out with many people. But you get along really well even though you are quite different. You study together and talk about art and books, often practicing your sketching and painting skills together.
xx
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Ranking Cinderella Adaptations
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A dream is a wish your heart makes, and if your wish is to see countless takes on the beloved fairy tale of Cinderella, then consider your dreams having come true many times over—including this year, with a new Cinderella by way of Amazon Studios. This latest adaptation seems to have combined qualities of many of its predecessors: it’s playfully anachronistic and eschews the traditional Disney or Rodgers & Hammerstein songs in favor of a tracklist of modern pop covers; it also engages with Cinderella’s career aspirations beyond fitting her foot into a glass slipper.
But this Cinderella owes everything to the other soot-stained girls, animated and otherwise, who wished with all their hearts for decades before her. How does the new adaptation compare to the modern fairy tales, animated classics, and another fairy tale riff with an outstanding Stephen Sondheim tune? Check out our ranking of Cinderella adaptations, from worst to best.
10. A Cinderella Story (2004)
This cult classic is a clever retelling, with peak early-aughts casting of Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray as the star-crossed, Cyrano de Bergerac-inspired lovers: Sam toils away at her late father’s Southern California diner, under the heel of a delightful Jennifer Coolidge as her vain stepmother, while Austin is the closest thing to high school royalty as the quarterback with a sensitive side. Regina King as the longtime diner employee-turned-metaphorical fairy godmother who gets Sam to the homecoming masquerade dance is the other key bit of casting, but you’d have to really be a fan of the “fairy tales in high school” subgenre to get on board. Plus, the stable of derivative direct-to-video sequels makes the sparkle wear off with each new, formulaic installment released.
9. Cinderella (2021)
Kay Cannon’s (Pitch Perfect) progressive plot urging entrepreneurial dressmaker Ella (Camilla Cabello), her bitterly materialistic stepmother (Idina Menzel), and other original female characters to choose themselves over the supposed security of marriage is not quite enough to balance the cringey modern soundtrack and anachronistic witticisms. It’s too bad, because this Cinderella puts forth ambitious ideas, and any production with Billy Porter as the fairy godmother should be nothing but fabulous. Compared to most of her predecessors, this Cinderella is a distinctively fresh role model for the next generation of kids, but adults won’t find much magic in her story.
8. Ella Enchanted (2004)
This is a tough one, because the source material—that is, Gail Carson Levine’s 1997 middle grade novel—is unquestionably one of the very best Cinderella adaptations: Ella’s curse of obedience is an apt commentary on manipulating young girls into giving up their agency under the guise of people-pleasing. But the film—despite its adorable, baby-faced stars Anne Hathaway and Hugh Dancy—overcomplicates an already daring plot with a throne-stealing subplot (that Cary Elwes, as the unnecessary evil uncle, can’t save) and an unforgivably cheesy cover of Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” Hathaway’s voice is sweeter than Nicholas Galitzine’s rendition in the new Cinderella, but the giants dressed in early-aughts miniskirts strain even the most loose definitions of fantasy. Despite all that, it (mostly) sells Ella struggling against abuses of her obedience in a way that’s still more revelatory than many straight adaptations. Still, you’ve got plenty of better movie choices; forget this adaptation and just read the book.
7. Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1965)
Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II originally wrote their classic musical for television broadcast instead of the stage, though it has found its way to the latter. CBS’ second TV production (following the original 1957 version starring Julie Andrews) introduced a bright-eyed Lesley Ann Warren (a.k.a. Miss Scarlet from Clue) as Cinderella, and unlike its predecessor was able to be recorded in color. Between the vivid hues, Warren’s expressive acting, and the array of sets, it all contributed to the feeling of watching a taped performance—an incredibly charming one, at that. But the effect does come off as overwrought at times, making it the lowest of the three specifically Rodgers & Hammerstein adaptations on the list.
6. Cinderella (2015)
While visually Kenneth Branagh’s live-action adaptation of the animated Disney classic hews so closely to its source material that it feels like a lost opportunity to be more original, there are some sly plot tweaks. Lily James’ Ella is not hopelessly naïve about her abusive home situation, yet manages to keep up the mantra of “have courage and be kind” through even the worst mistreatment. Streamlining the classic songs to score strengthens the plot, with Ella’s rare occasion of singing being what ultimately saves her. Fans of the blue dress and romantic vibe will have much to swoon over, even if they’re not surprised.
5. Into the Woods (2014)
Or, then, what if I am? / What a Prince would envision? / But then how can you know / Who you are til you know / What you want? Which I don’t… Anna Kendrick brings us a relatably existential Cinderella in this movie adaptation of Stephen Sondheim’s musical about various fairy tale characters who wind up with questionably happy ever afters—including Cinderella, who decides “not to decide,” then ends up with a philandering Prince. It’s not a complete Cinderella story, but it’s a more memorable performance in a handful of scenes than entire movies have attempted.
4. Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1957)
Despite only surviving in black-and-white form, CBS’ original TV broadcast shines thanks to its star: Julie Andrews, then performing My Fair Lady on Broadway, who makes this Cinderella both an amalgamation of her then-current and future roles and a performance all its own. You can see glimmers of her comic talents as Maria in The Sound of Music—this Cinderella also has more wit than other versions—but it’s her voice that elevates Rodgers & Hammerstein’s adaptation of Charles Perrault’s fairy tale into something timeless.
3. Cinderella (1950)
Few Cinderella adaptations have achieved the same sweeping sense of sheer romance in the Disney animated classic: the painted backgrounds, the dreamy sequences reflected in soap bubbles and sparkling through the palace gardens, the surprisingly high emotional stakes that make the resolution all the sweeter. And while it’s become a common Disney trope, the requisite scene in which the stepsisters cruelly rip apart Cinderella’s dress adds a layer of wickedness not present in the Rodgers & Hammerstein adaptations, nor successfully recreated in any of the live-action versions. The same goes for the goofy mice singing “Cinderelly, Cinderelly”—every subsequent CGI mouse lacks the warmth that goes into a believable animal companion. That said, the animated movie’s legacy is somewhat marred by its direct-to-video sequels of diminishing returns, though you also have to give them props for pulling an Avengers: Endgame 12 years earlier with Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time.
2. Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1997)
For many of us, Disney’s animated Cinderella was a childhood classic, but The Wonderful World of Disney’s ‘90s production was the first time the story truly felt magical. Rodgers & Hammerstein’s songs were updated with contemporary beats, bridging the forty years between the first broadcast and this version: “Impossible” is one of the best songs from the show, but it hasn’t been truly sung until Whitney Houston is belting it out to a starry-eyed Brandy. The production’s effortlessly diverse casting—Whoopi Goldberg as the queen, Paolo Montalban as the prince, Bernadette Peters as the stepmother—only amplifies the universal nature of the story. Almost twenty-five years later, this adaptation still feels like the television event it was when it premiered.
1. Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)
A truly successful adaptation is one that doesn’t have to feel beholden to its source material. By opening with the Brothers Grimm explaining the inspiration behind their own interpretation of Cinderella, Ever After rewrites all of the familiar themes into a historical fiction—specifically, Renaissance-era France—context. Danielle’s (Drew Barrymore) misfortune as an orphan servant girl is so believable thanks to the cruelty of her stepmother’s (Anjelica Huston, a legend) abuse, but so is her determination and ingenuity to rise above her station. While Disney’s animated Cinderella is romantic, Ever After is a romance: Danielle disguises herself as a comtesse in order to spend time with Prince Henry (Dougray Scott), and they develop an actual relationship, complete with rejection once her subterfuge is revealed. Plus, Leonardo da Vinci is there for comic relief and an unintentional fairy godmother assist! If you want your Cinderella story with a compelling feminist arc but you’re also burnt out on the songs, this is your happily ever after.
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Cinderella will begin streaming on Amazon Video on September 3rd.
The post Ranking Cinderella Adaptations appeared first on Den of Geek.
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OUAT Thoughts Pt.66--Episodes 3-4
I have watched through S7E4; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.
—What is Ella’s problem? She stands in front of Tiana, looking a full ten years older than her, and basically blames her for not saving her father’s life? From the looks of it, Tiana was probably, Idk, a chilD?!!!?! How was she supposed to do anything?
—I don’t really like Ella too much. She’s a bit abrasive.
—I kinda like Lucy, but the actress is *no offense, cause I realize she’s just a kid* not very good. She over-delivers most of her lines.
—Okay I loved seeing Rumple happy and domestic, but the tradeoff sucked. Did they really have to make us and Rumple watch her age and die while he stayed the same age?
—*But* it is nice to see that Gideon is doing well. He’s a scholar and you know what, I bet his wearing white now is on purpose. He’s a good man and they want us to know it.
—Also, he’s a good kind of unassumingly handsome. He’s cute, but not ostentatiously so. Idk, I think I forgot the word I thought was spot-on, but it was a good-ass word. Anyway, Gideon’s been handsome since he first showed up, and he’s still handsome now.
—I could go in-depth-ish about how Naveen is one of the two best Disney princes/adjacent, and how much I love his relationship with Tiana, but I haven’t seen a hide nor a hair of him, so I’m going to assume he won’t show up unless he does. Going forward with that knowledge, I think Tiana and Hook would go nicely together. They could go along with the best part of Tiana/Naveen, which is the way they both shape each other into better versions of themselves.
—Also, I’m now 89% sure Alice is Hook’s daughter. Which makes them playing chess together in the hospital waiting room excredibly sad.
—I’m a bit confused about the timeline of that stuff from the tail end of season 6 where Lucy and Henry were in the Enchanted Forest? If that was before Hyperion Heights, Lucy knowing the town is cursed doesn’t make sense, unless maybe Tiger Lily enchanted her to keep her awake. If it’s after Hyperion Heights, it still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, because Tiger Lily said she would be reunited with her family again in an ominous way that sounds like “sorry, kid, but you only get to see your dad when your family is cursed.” So…*shrugs*
—ALICE IS A LESBIAN!!!! Y’all I am just over the moon! She is a plaid-wearing, earring-having, ripped-tights-owning, Wonderland-quoting, completely batsh*t crazy lesbian and that is a solid YES.
—Also, her comment to Rumple when he appeared in the Cinderella world was quite amusing. Yeah, sweetheart, I also get the 💖💜💙 vibe from him, but that prince is way too young. And come on, Rumple would score a king.
—Speaking of the vibe, I love the clothes he wears in Hyperion Heights for only solidifying it. And yes, this is just an excuse for me to point out that, at least once within these two episodes, Rumple has low-key cuffed his jeans again. (Bi-cuffing almost makes me want to own a pair of jeans, but even Rumple isn’t quite enough to convince me. My skin can’t breathe under those things.)
—OOOO, and he wore camo! Iconic!
—Wait, what was Alice doing in the Cinderella world to begin with? Was she looking for Henry for some malicious purpose, or was she looking for Hook?
—Who’s that weird-ass lady locked in the tower? I have no cause to take her seriously, because A) I know nothing about her that should make me take her seriously, and B) she has shown no efforts in the present towards the same. Just some weird cryptic nonsense.
—I need some backstory for Tiana. I do not understand how her original story translates to being in a resistance group against Lady Tremaine. It makes zero sense, and it’s bothering me. If they’re just slapping her name on some lady who has no narrative or spiritual resemblance to Tiana, I’m gonna be annoyed.
—Can’t wait for Dr. Facilier to show up! Top three animated Disney villains for sure.
—Unfortunately, all signs point to Rumple dying at the end of the show. I’m grumpy about it. Hey, maybe they’ll up the ante and the the last scene will be all my beloved characters chilling in the afterlife together. (If they all die together, yes it’s sad, but it’s better than just some of them dying.)
—Alice was chasing a white bunny! Gosh, I hope she wasn’t chasing it for nefarious purposes, because I love her but bunny peril is the line.
—Regina dispensing motherly advice to Henry without even knowing who he is stings me. Also, she’s still v pretty.
—Really I am not getting over Alice. I refuse. This is the best thing to happen to me ever. Alice in Wonderland is among my favoritest books and just. Her. Being a lesbian. If nothing else comes of this season, that alone is enough.
—I wonder if who her mom is will ever be important. The limb I’m climbing out on here is that her mother was from Wonderland, because it doesn’t make much sense for her to be *Alice* if she isn’t connected to Wonderland somehow.
—It’s pretty out of character for Henry to be a coward. And yk, he has the Heart of the Truest Believer, so him being so fricking stubborn about believing in the curse.
—Rumple’s good-guy fairytale clothes were so pretty. 10/10.
—Ew, a spooky spooky cemetery! Fake graves!
—It took four episodes but he said it! Rumple said “dearie!” And it was so worth the wait. I’m glad he’s awake now, because it’s much more fun when he is.
#once upon a time#ouat#tiana#cinderella#Lucy#rumplestiltskin#belle#Gideon#Henry mills-swan#Alice#LESBIAN Alice#regina mills#Captain Hook#dearie#martianbugsbunny reviews
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Little Itty Bitty Fingers
Hello! I need a baby fix and with the world the way it is right now, this is as close as I am gonna get! Suffer with me and let me destroy your ovaries! @just-the-hiddles, @myraiswack
Background: Noelle and Loki were “Bound” by a witch in Alfheim after a battle they fought in. This means that the witch split each of their souls in half and one half switched places. Noelle has half of Loki’s soul and vice versa. They can feel each other's emotions and hear each other's thoughts. Noelle is also Half Asgardian, half Midgardian. Her father is Tyr and her mother is of Midgard. Loki enchanted her wedding ring so that she can be immortal with him.
Summary: Loki meets more of Noelle’s family when they go over to Nonna’s for dinner
Warnings: Fluff, babies, cuteness, sweetness, other synonyms I am too tired to think of. Implied smut if you squint.
Little Itty Bitty Fingers
Noelle PoV:
"Are you almost ready, love?" Loki asks me as he walks into the bedroom. I nod at him and I reach for the zipper of my new emerald green dress. Loki beats me to it. He zips me up before wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, looking at our reflection in the mirror.
Even to me, I can see how good we look together. He has finally taken to more casual Midgardian attire instead of his all black suit. I love that suit but he needn't wear it everyday. Today he wears a dark pair of jeans, that hug his legs beautifully, and a deep green t-shirt with his leather jacket. My cotton dress is long sleeved and stops at the middle of my thighs.
"This is a very soft dress." He whispers, turning his head to kiss the spot behind my ear.
I hum in agreement. "Excellent job picking it out, my King." He growls slightly, nibbling on the same spot. He takes a deep breath before straightening and taking my hand.
"Are you ready now?" He asks again. I laugh a bit.
"What's the rush, Loki? We have time?"
He crosses his arms and scowls at me teasingly, "Perhaps I just miss your grandmother and wish to see her."
I laugh again. "You miss her cooking is what this is."
His face takes on a slightly pinker shade as he realizes that I see right through him. "It's not my fault she makes the best food in all the nine realms! Let's go." He pulls me against his chest and teleports us to Nonna's front door. I roll my eyes at him. He smirks, opening the door for me.
Not three steps into the kitchen and Nonna has her hands on my face. "AH! My little bambina! Give Nonna a kiss!" And proceeds to plant kisses all over my face.
Loki chuckles but regrets doing so when she turns her attention to him. He's too tall for her to grab his face like she can with me so she grabs his ear, pushes him into a chair, and pinches his cheeks. She chastises him in Italian about being so tall, before kissing his face too.
"How are you doing, marito? You take care of my bambina?"
"Yes ma'am. Always." He responds, looking to me for help. I just grin and wave before running away to the living room.
I had expected it to be empty, or at least only Nonno asleep in his chair. I was wrong.
"Alaina?!" I ask.
My cousin turns her head to face me and grins widely. "Noelle!" She squeals quietly. She stands up and turns around to hug me when I spot the reason for her hushed tone.
She has a baby swaddled in a little white blanket held to her chest. I look at her in shock, giving her a side hug as to not wake the little one.
"Who is this?" I ask in a hushed voice.
"This is Ella! She's my daughter."
I raise an eyebrow and smile at her. "When did you have a baby?"
She laughs, a quick exhale through her nose. "About two months ago. She was a little early but we both made it out fine."
"I'm so glad! Gods, I haven't seen you in years, Ali. You have to catch me up." I brush my fingers along Ella's blanket. Ali smiles at me and hands her over.
I take the baby gently, cradling her to me. It's been so long since I've held a baby this young. When I look back up at my cousin, her mouth has fallen open. She points to my wedding ring.
I smile and gesture to the couch. We both sit down and start to catch each other up. She tells me about how she met Ella's father and how he is a deployed Marine. She had the baby alone but was able to video call her fiancè so he could see his daughter. She talks about how much help Nonna has been when it comes to watching Ella while Ali is at work and feeding her dinner afterwards.
"Enough about me, though! You! You are married now? Or engaged at the very least?" Alaina asks, gesturing to my ring. I smile and look down at it over the baby.
"Married, yes. It's been about 9 months now, I think."
"Wow, Congratulations! Why wasn't I invited, you brat?" She smacks my arm lightly.
"I didn't even know I was getting married until an hour before it happened. Nonna was just as upset as you are." I laugh.
"You supposed to tell your Nonna you getting married, bambina. Is okay, I still love you." Nonna walks up behind me and kisses my cheeks again.
"I still love you, too." Loki's baritone voice rings in my ear as he leans over to press a kiss to my temple. I jump slightly, not really knowing he was there. Nonna takes the baby from me and sings an Italian lullaby to her.
I stand up and reach my hand out to Loki. He takes it and I pull him to stand next to me in front of Ali.
"Alaina Marie, this is my husband, Loki Friggason. Loki, this is my cousin Alaina."
Ali sticks her hand out to shake Loki's. He takes it and kisses her hand gently, "Lovely to make your acquaintance, Alaina."
My cousin blushes bright red and laughs a bit, "Please. Everyone calls me Ali. It's very nice to meet you, too." She drops his hand and looks at me. "Babe, you got a real gentleman. Where on Earth did you find him?"
Loki snickers but hides it with a cough. I pinch the back of his hand that still holds mine. "No idea." I respond. I sit back down on the couch and drag Loki down with me. He settles himself before pulling me so that I sit sideways on the couch with my back pressed into his side.
I continue to talk to Ali and after a while, Loki cuts in. "You two seem to have a closer relationship than most cousins. Is there a reason for that?"
I nod, "We were basically raised as sisters. My mom always worked so I would spend the summer with her and her brothers. How are they, by the way?"
"Great! James just got married a few months back and Casey is starting his freshman year of college. He's in Yale! Mom is so proud of him. We all are."
Later on, after Ella wakes up, Nonna and I go into the kitchen to start making dinner, leaving Loki and Ali in the living room to talk with Nonno. Not too long after that, Ali comes in and starts helping us make the pasta, the baby nowhere in sight.
"Where is Ella? Where did you leave my nuova bambina?" Nonna pokes Ali as she kneads the dough.
"She started crying and Loki offered to help, so I handed her off to him. She quieted really quickly, actually." She cocks her head thoughtfully, "You know, come to think of it, I don't think she has ever stopped crying for anyone as fast as she did for him."
I smirk a bit. "He has a super power when it comes to crying children. We live in a place where everyone is basically family. My friend Tony has a daughter named Morgan and she just adores her Uncle Loki. Her older brother does too, but he is a teenager."
"That's nice. He will be a good father."
"Bambina, you put the panettone in the oven then go talk to your Nonno."
"Yes, ma'am." I respond and do as I'm told. As I walk into the living room, looking for Loki. I smile when I find him.
He's sitting in Nonna's armchair with the baby held to his chest. He coos at her, rocking back and forth.
I feel my eyes fill with tears at the sight. He has always been good with Morgan and kids we meet on the job but I've never seen him with a baby this young. It's a little jarring.
I start imagining what he would look like with his own baby in his arms. With my baby.
I know he can hear what I'm thinking because he looks up and smiles softly at me before turning his attention back to Ella. He starts singing to her in old norse. The one his mother sang to him.
The man is feeding my fantasies.
My cousin walks up to me and hugs my shoulders before going to retrieve her daughter from my husband.
"Could... could I hold her for a bit longer? It's been a very very long time since I've held a child this young." Ali smiles and nods, telling him she will have to take her to feed her in a few minutes. He agrees and turns his attention back to Ella as her mother walks away.
In a spur of the moment decision, I fish my phone out of the pocket of my dress (Loki always finds the dresses with pockets) and snap a picture of the sight before me.
I walk over and sit on the floor at Loki's feet, leaning my head on his knee. "You do know that you have to share her with the rest of us." I nudge his leg. He glares at me teasingly before his face softens to something I only see occasionally. It's not an emotion I know how to describe but I see it when we find children on a mission. The children we help care for.
"I know. I've always liked holding babies. I haven't done so in the last hundred years but it feels just as I remember it. Although, I've come to realize that Midgardian infants are quite a bit smaller than Asgardian infants."
"Yes, well, the average height of the Æsir is about 6 feet and an average Midgardian is somewhere around five foot six. You are all just super tall."
"So, what you are telling me is you are tiny even in the place you grew up? How fun! All the jokes I can now make without belittling the rest of mankind!" He chuckles.
I raise up onto my knees and flick him. He can't stop me because of the baby cradled to his chest. “Five foot three is still tall enough to put you on your ass. And do not deny it because we have proven it.” He glares at me and I kiss the top of his head as I stand up. "She has you wrapped around her little Itty bitty fingers, doesn't she?" I whisper.
"I will never say."
I smile and move the blanket Ella is wrapped in out of her face a bit. "Something tells me she has that effect on everyone."
"She does." Ali mutters. "I really do have to take her. You can have her back after dinner if you'd like. God knows I need a break after the long nights." She laughs, taking her baby from Loki.
"Understandable. Babies like to wake Momma." I kiss my cousin's cheek. Taking his hand, I drag Loki to his feet and lead him to the kitchen to help Nonna finish dinner while Ella gets hers. Nonno follows us to give the pair some privacy. He sits at the table and bickers with Nonna as Loki and I plate the food.
During dinner, the four of us play pass the baby while Ali eats her dinner. She eventually lands back with Loki, who is more than happy to talk to and entertain her while he finishes his own food.
After we finish eating, I help Nonna clean up the dishes while Nonno looks for cookies and Loki and Ali talk about Ella, if she wants more kids, when her father is coming home, if he wants more kids, and the list goes on.
"She's asleep again? Dude, teach me your magical ways! She always fusses when I try to put her to sleep."
"I've always been good at putting babies to sleep. Well, infants and Noelle, but she's a different story all together." I gasp dramatically and turn around to smack his shoulder as he laughs.
Ali smiles at us. "You are good together. I'm happy for you."
I grin at her, "Thank you, Alaina Marie."
"You are very welcome, Noelle Elizabeth."
We leave not long after we finish the dishes. With a large paper bag full of food in tow, I kiss my grandparents and cousin goodbye as Loki, reluctantly, hands back little Ella, who he has taken to calling 'Smár Kærr'. Little Dear.
As we walk back to the tower, I lace my fingers through his. "You loved her."
He smiles and raises our hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my fingers. "I do indeed. I miss children that age. But it's impossible with our line of work. Pepper stays home with Morgan and she stays with us when needed but she is nearly four years old. Babies need constant attention that we don't have time to give." He keeps his eyes glued to the sidewalk.
"We have a long, long time. We won't always be Avengers. We can wait until we feel we can leave the saving of the world to the others."
"I know. And in the meantime, I can borrow Ella. I already discussed this with Alaina."
I laugh, "Of course you did."
He smiles and pushes me towards the wall of the nearest building to kiss me. I wrap my arms around his neck as he moves his lips to my neck, muttering proclamations of love against my skin.
"I love you, too." I whisper back.
~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Sorry the ending is a little sucky, I had no idea how I wanted to end it. Other than that, my ovaries are just a pile of debris even though I wrote it. It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine!
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The Once & Future Queen Pt.16
Camelot. Tournament Grounds.
(Lancelot rides a practice joust. He catches the decorated ring and the crowd cheers. Guinevere sits in the royal box with Agravaine. Lancelot rides to the box and Guinevere steps down to take the ring off of his lance with a smile. He smiles back. The tournament continues in much the same fashion, Sir Bedivere catches his ring and Guinevere accepting it gracefully.)
Guinevere: “Thank you very much.”
(Bedivere rides off smiling. Guinevere sits back down happily. Trumpets announce another rider.)
Lancelot: “Who on earth is that?”
Sir Gwaine: “No idea.”
(The rider runs the practice joust and catches the ring. The crowd cheers and Guinevere politely applauds the stranger. She steps down and takes the decorated ring with a furrowed brow. The knight pulls off his helmet to reveal Arthur Pendragon. Guinevere is visibly disturbed by this. Lancelot charges towards him but is outmaneuvered as Arthur sidesteps him and sweeps the leg, causing Lancelot to fall to the ground. The crowd are stunned but begin cheering when Arthur turns and waves to them.)
Storybrooke. The Dragon's Lair.
(With Maria dozing in her carrier on the bar, Regina and Emma are spending the day together.)
Emma: "Wasn't Ella supposed to start today?"
Regina: "She was, but with Robin and Zelena travelling to Oz, there's no one left to show Ella how things are done around here."
Emma: "Well, you could show her."
Regina: "I could, but then Ella would have to leave early anyway for her date with Henry. So I told her to start tomorrow."
Emma: "Good thinking."
Regina: "Plus, I've already got my hands full training you."
Emma: (Scoffs:) "It's serving drinks at a bar, how difficult can it be?"
Regina: (Winks:) "You'll see."
(Emma watches Regina closely while she sets up the bar before asking the question that's been playing on her mind.)
Emma: "So, back in the Enchanted Forest..."
Regina: (Smirks:) "Here we go."
Emma: (Chuckles:) "What?"
Regina: "You want to talk about the fact that you were... my first."
Emma: "How could you not tell me you and Daniel never slept together?"
Regina: "Well I don't know how things were like in Juvie..."
Emma: "Hey!"
Regina: (Continues:) "But the way I was raised, young women my age didn't sleep around. Especially before marriage."
Emma: (Smiles:) "Don't get defensive. I was just surprised is all. I think it's sweet."
Regina: "Thank you."
Emma: "Not as sweet as the fact that I was your first, but sweet nonetheless."
Regina: (Chuckles:) "Well not to burst your bubble, but that doesn't mean you were my only."
Emma: "Yeah, I know. I get that there were others. But, you know what they say..."
Regina: (Nods:) "You never forget your first."
Emma: "Yep!"
Regina: "Okay, well gloat all you want. At least now I can put the blame for all those times we've been caught in compromising positions squarely on your shoulders."
Emma: "And how do you figure that?"
Regina: "Clearly I've been corrupted by the sexual deviancy of the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. I never stood a chance."
Emma: "Uh huh. You had plenty of deviancy yourself back then. I mean that thing you did with your pinkie finger-"
Regina: "Hey, I said I was a virgin. I never said I didn't have plenty of practice."
Camelot. Dining Hall.
(The Round Table members sit at a rectangular one. Arthur at the head of the table, Guinevere on his right, Lancelot observing at the other end.)
Arthur: “I fear I remember very little as to how I happen to be back among the living. My story will not be as illuminating as I would like.”
Guinevere: “We’re just amazed to see you.”
Lancelot: “Although to say pleased would be pushing it.”
Arthur: (Smiles:) “I deserve that. After everything I put you through, I am humbled by your hospitality. (To Guinevere:) Despite it all, when I returned, I knew I had to see you. To make things right between us.”
Lancelot: “Things were fine between all of us, just as they were.”
Agravaine: “Oh come now, Lancelot. Do you not see the miracle that sits among us? Camelot’s former King has returned from the other side to dine with us. Surely the time is right to put the past aside?”
Arthur: (Sigh:) “Thank you. It is, indeed, good to see you once again. I would like to propose a toast. (He stands:) To the people I hold most dear. To Camelot.”
(They all raise their glasses.)
All: “To Camelot.”
Lancelot: “To Camelot.”
(Arthur smiles and drinks. Guinevere watches him, clearly still unsettled.)
The Land of Oz. Past.
(Walking arm in arm, Zelena helps Stanum onto the podium as they find what they’ve been searching for.)
Stanum: (Zelena opens the box:) “The Crimson Heart. So, what now?”
Zelena: “There's only one way to find out. Ready?”
Stanum: “Yes. (Zelena takes the heart out of the box and holds it in her outstretched hand. Suddenly, the heart begins to glow and appears to be drawing from Zelena’s powers. Quickly placing the heart back in the box, Zelena breathes heavily:) What's wrong?”
Zelena: “That thing... it was draining my magic.”
Stanum: “What? Why?”
Zelena: “Because there's no magic in that heart. It's just a worthless piece of glass. For it to work, it needs someone else's magic. My magic. (Glowers at him:) You knew about this.”
Stanum: (Shaking his head:) “Zelena, I swear I had no idea.”
Zelena: “You're lying. Who put you up to this? Was it Dorothy? I never should have let that gingham-clad Goody-Two-shoes go back to her wretched little farm.”
Stanum: “I don't know anyone named Dorothy, and I promise you, I-I would never trick you like that. (Groans in pain:) You want to know how to find what it is you're searching for? This is it.”
Zelena: “What are you talking about?!”
Stanum: “It's what I was trying to tell you before the lion attack. You don't need a time-travel spell so you won't be alone. You just need some friends.”
Zelena: (Laughs:) “Let me guess, like you? Do you actually think I would give up my magic to save you?”
Stanum: “So you could have a friend that would accept you when no one else did? Yes.” (He groans again as the curse consumes him.)
Zelena: “No. Weren't you the one who told me magic made me special?”
Stanum: “Magic isn't what made you special. Your willingness to use it for good is. (More and more of his body turns to tin:) If you leave me here to rust, you might walk away from here with your power, but you'll be alone a very long time.”
Zelena: “That's a risk I'll just have to take. (The curse consumes Stanum completely, leaving him as a tin statue:) Sorry, Stanum. You're wrong. Magic is what made me special. (Voice breaking:) And I won't give it up.”
Stanum: (Muffled voice:) “Zelena. (Zelena picks up the Crimson Heart and walks away:) Zelena.”
Zelena: “Enjoy life as a statue. Maybe Dorothy will come back and save you.”
Forest. Present. Night.
(Agravaine rides through the woods and dismounts. He walks slowly, searching for someone. Morgana appears behind him.)
Morgana: “I’m keen to hear your news.”
Agravaine: “I’m sure you’d be very proud, my lady. Lancelot naturally had his reservations, but the knights were completely taken in.”
Morgana: “And Guin? This must be the last thing she hoped for."
Agravaine: “If she was flustered, she certainly didn’t show it. I fear she truly does love Lancelot. Any feelings she had for Arthur are in the past.”
Morgana: “I had considered that eventuality. (Agravaine is confused. Morgana pulls out a bracelet. She begins to enchant it:) Beclyppe þinne idese þæt heo hine lyste! (Morgana’s eyes glow and the bracelet shines unnaturally for a moment:) I think it’s time to reawaken those feelings.”
(Morgana smirks as Agravaine takes the bracelet.)
Storybrooke. Rollin' Bayou.
(Will stands watching Tiana take the beignets out of the fryer and place them on the cooling tray.)
Will: "I thought that was Alice's job?"
Tiana: "Yeah, well, it turns out our girl was born to do sales. (Will looks over to see Alice hand over a huge tray of orders to a satisfied looking customer:) She had the brilliant idea of handing out samples, and the customers love her.”
Will: “And why wouldn’t they? She’s a Scarlett.”
Alice: (Joining them:) “They all know my name now.”
Will: “As well they should.”
Tiana: “So, what brings you out here, Will?”
Will: “Does a man need a reason to visit his two favourite girls? (Alice and Tiana exchange looks:) All right, here it is. Ever since I got back from Wonderland and then Robin’s sacrifice and that business with Morgana, I’ve been trying to take things a little easier. So, after doing a little light reading in the self-help section, I sat back and thought about what’s really important in my life. Well, for me, the answer to that is simple. It’s you two.”
TIana: “It took reading a book for you to figure that out?”
Will: (While Alice giggles:) “No, but it did remind me of all the little things I should be doing to show my appreciation once in awhile. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m taking my two best girls out to dinner and you know what? I’m even gonna bloody pay for it. Now you can’t say fairer than that, can ya?”
Alice: (Smiles:) “Sounds great.”
Tiana: “Mm. Well I have one last batch of beignets to sell then we can close up for the night. Do you think the Scarlett siblings can sell them all while I close up?”
Will: “Oh I think we’re up to the challenge, right Alice?”
Alice: (Beams:) “Consider it done.”
Flynn’s Barcade.
(Henry and Ella are on their date and Henry is failing miserably... at the game of space invaders he is currently playing.)
Ella: “I've got to be honest, watching you get crushed playing that game isn’t my idea of being wooed.”
Henry: “Yeah, I'm sorry. Enough mashing buttons, let’s go eat some hot wings.”
Ella: “Ugh, finally. I’m starving.”
Henry: “Hey you were the one who didn’t want to go to a restaurant.”
Ella: (Taking a seat at the bar:) “I know, but I think this is exactly where I needed to be tonight.”
Henry: “Yeah, me too. I mean, tonight's our last night of freedom, right? You've got a job waiting for you at the Lair and I've got my taxi service..."
Ella: "Hm. I think we need some drinks."
Henry: "Definitely."
Some Drinks Later.
Ella: (Slurring her words slightly:) “You know what we need right now is a way to test fate.”
Henry: (Swaying a little:) “Okay.”
Ella: (Stands:) “Wait here.”
Henry: “You got it.”
(Ella walks to the end of the bar, while Henry tries to stay upright on his stool.)
Two Minutes Later.
(Henry looks at an empty beer glass at the opposite end of the bar.)
Henry: “That's an impossible shot. Nobody can make that.”
Ella: “Well, that's the whole point. You and I both know that going back to our steady jobs is the sensible thing to do, but you sinking in this token... is truly a million to one. (Henry gives her a quizzical look:) Mm-hmm.”
Henry: “All right, so, if it lands in the mug, then we go for it. One last big adventure, you and me.”
Ella: (Holds up the token:) “Good luck, my prince.”
Henry: (Takes the token:) “All right.” (Henry stands and readies himself.)
Ella: “Okay.” (Chuckles nervously.)
Henry: (Takes a deep breath:) “Phew. (Henry flips the coin and it sails across the bar. Unfortunately, at the very last second, the barman clears away the glass:) Did it... Did he just? Did you- Did you just see?”
Ella: (Sighs:) “Settled that once and for all. (Kisses his cheek:) Come on, your Mom just texted, she wants us to pick up Maria on our way home.”
Henry: “All right.”
(Henry gazes longingly at the place the coin landed before turning and following Ella out of the barcade.)
The Dragon's Lair.
(It's past closing time and Regina and Emma have successfully emptied the bar of patrons. All except one.)
Emma: "Come on Leroy, closing time was ten minutes ago."
(Leroy mutters something unintelligible.)
Regina: "All right, Grumpy, out!"
Leroy: "I'm going, I'm going. (He slides from his bar stool and staggers to the door before turning back:) Word on the street says there's someone out there who can stop Morgana."
Emma: "Yeah, and you're looking at 'em."
Leroy: (Gives a patronising grin:) "Seriously sister, if you two haven't dealt with Ms. Doom and Gloom by now, then something's up."
Regina: "Nothing is up, Leroy, we just don't go around using our magic to blast people out of existence because you're feeling a little scared."
Leroy: "Scared ain't the word for what I am, Madam Mayor. Morgana tore a hole in the earth and let the spirits of the dead roam among us. Other than a God, who else has powers like that?"
Emma: "The void has already been sealed and the last time we saw Morgana, she was in no shape to bother anyone."
Leroy: "For now. What about the next time she tries something? Are you two just gonna let her go again? You know you have an obligation to-"
Regina: (Cutting in, her voice raised:) "I am obligated to tell you that if you don't leave in the next five seconds, you'll be seeing spirits again."
Emma: (Folding her arms:) "Only this time as one of them."
Leroy: "Fine. But the word's out, ladies. Merlin's the one fated to destroy Morgana, right? (Both women look uncomfortable:) Well maybe you should consider busting him out of his tree again before Morgana does something you can't come back from. (He reaches the door:) And by the way, if you do decide to free Merlin, why don't you do something about Dopey while you're at it."
(Leroy leaves and Regina locks the door behind him with a flick of her wrist.)
Emma: "Well, news sure travels fast."
Regina: "Drizella. I bet she spoke to that new Reporter your mother hired at the paper."
Emma: (Sighs:) "Great. Do you really think we'll have to release Merlin?"
Regina: "If we do, it won't be tonight. Now come on, sooner we get started, the sooner we can get out of here."
(Standing back to back, Regina and Emma use their magic to clear away the debris, stack chairs and sweep the floors.)
Emma: "All done."
Regina: "And in record time, too."
Emma: "You know was going to ask you something earlier and then I forgot about it, but I've just remembered."
Regina: "All right..."
Emma: (Smiles:) "Well I was thinking of asking whether you've ever done it on a bar before but then I sorta did the math in my head."
Regina: "Oh yeah?"
Emma: "Well, despite the numerous people you claim to have slept with between your first lover - me - and your wife - also me, I figured there's no way you could have."
Regina: "What makes you so sure?"
Emma: "The only bars in the Enchanted Forest were to be found in taverns and there's no chance the Evil Queen would ever lower herself to such behaviour."
Regina: "Hm. You're forgetting that I found you in a tavern."
Emma: "Actually you found me outside one, but fair point. So...?"
Regina: "So, what?"
Emma: "Have you ever done it on a bar?!"
Regina: "You think you're so clever."
Emma: (Smiling:) "Answer the question."
Regina: (Bites her lip:) "Oh shut up and take your pants off."
Emma: "Way ahead of you."
(Emma quickly unbuttons her jeans and hops up onto the bar while Regina uses her magic to close the blinds.)
The Land of Oz. Past.
(Zelena strides through the double doors of her palace carrying the Crimson Heart. Placing it on the table, she lifts the cloche on her dinner and returns to her seat. After a moment's quiet reflection, Zelena realises what a terrible mistake she's made.)
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