guess who’s clown ass made a baby for their fave crk ship ever + some designs for older licorice and dark choco <33

october sixth

day six: james potter james brings you to a campfire with his friends | fluff! james being flirty | 1.1k

It’s a bit of strange magic that you haven’t met James’s friends yet. Not officially, anyway. In passing, sure, and James has told you all about them. He talks about the boys and their antics constantly and assures you that the girls will adore you. It’s only a matter of time before you all get together.

Not for lack of trying, of course. But Remus was out of town and then Sirius had the flu which he gave to Marlene and then everyone was busy with an old schoolmate’s wedding and you were swamped with work and it’s been almost three months since your first date and you still haven’t been properly introduced.

It doesn’t bother you that much. In fact, you’re pretty sure it bothers James much more. “I just don’t want you to think I’m hiding you,” he says. “It’s bloody weird that it’s worked out like this.”

The fix comes with the change of the seasons. Lily’s parents have a country house and invite everyone for a weekend of bonfires and warm drinks and general lazing about.

“A country house, James? Really?” you say when he tells you. He shrugs.

“We go every year. You’ll love it.”

So you agree. It’s not until you’re literally about to turn into the drive that the nerves hit you all at once. Your leg bounces in the passenger seat of James’s car and he puts his palm on your knee to still it.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks. “No harm, no foul.”

“Of course I do,” you scoff. “We’re almost there, anyway.”

James grabs your hand and brings it to his lips. “I’d turn around right now if you asked,” he says. “Seriously.” His dark gaze is steady and warm.

“I will not ask that,” you say. “I want to meet them. I just —”

“They’ll love you,” James says firmly. “They know all about you and they are just as offended that this hasn’t happened sooner. They all blame me, actually.”

He turns off of the long road and the house emerges in front of you like a fairy tale. It’s a country house, sure, but it’s clearly large and nicer than anything you’ve ever seen.

“I hope you’ve only told them good things,” you say. James turns off the car and allows you to stall for a few moments.

“No, I’ve told them how you snore and leave your kitchen cabinets open all the time,” he deadpans. You laugh and he grins. “Have you got your silly bag?”

The tote at your feet is full of things you’ve brought with, despite James’s protests. Licorice for Sirius, cider for Remus, Lily’s favorite biscuits from town. You made sure to have a little something for everyone even though your boyfriend assured you that buying their loyalty wasn’t necessary.

“They’re already on your side since you put up with me,” he’d said.

But now you just nod. James gives your hand one last squeeze. “They’re going to love you,” he says. You let yourself look at him, really look at him in the way you know he enjoys. He looks excited, almost boyish. Fall suits him with his sweater and waxed jacket, a hat tucked into his pocket. His hair is a mess and his glasses need to be cleaned.

You adore him.

“Let’s do it.”

You arrive at the front door to a flurry of activity. Everyone spills out and there are cries of your name and hugs and you hand off your items, feeling a bit shy.

“My god,” Sirius says, looking at his licorice. “She’s perfect, Jamie.”

Remus thanks you with an easy smile for the cider and Lily actually screams when you pull out the biscuits.

“She’s a keeper, Potter,” she shouts. “If you ever want to ditch him,” she says to you, “you’re welcome to. You can hang out with the girls.”

You get pulled from James and meet Dorcus and Marlene and they take you up to your room. The sun has almost set so they tell you to put some more layers on and come down to the bonfire when you’re ready.

“See?” James says as he spills into the room. He tosses your bags on the bed. “They love you more than they love me.”

“I am rather charming,” you say. He laughs and kisses you once, twice, three times. He backs you up against the door and you have to push him away. “They’re expecting us at the bonfire, James.”

He pouts. “Fine,” he says. “If you insist.”

The evening is a fun one. There are jokes and stories and games, everyone drinking to stay warm and snacking on junk food.

You wander back from a trip to the bathroom to find that the seats have reshuffled, the conversations moved. James waves you over.

He’s bathed in the light of the fire, the flames making the lenses of his glasses shine in the dark. The bench he’s on has no more room but he grins and pats his thigh.

You raise your eyebrows. Really? He winks.

You do as he asks and perch on his thigh, knees smushed into his other leg. He wraps his arm around your back to keep you from falling if you lean too far. Dorcus is telling a story about some adventure she and Marlene went on last week, so no one really looks at you.

James tugs on your ear. You lean down and his lips brush against your skin. “This is nice. Are you having fun?”

You nod. “I am,” you say into his hair. “They’re lovely.”

“Thank you for coming.” You know James is mostly happy-go-lucky, pleased as punch to do anything, a real sunshine boy. But you also know it has bothered him immensely that two important parts of his life have been separate until now. He’s worried endlessly that you think he’s not keen on your relationship despite your assurances otherwise. So you are glad that you’re here, even if you were nervous at the start. You just want him to be happy.

He kisses your cheek until you turn your head enough for him to capture your lips. You can’t wait to be in his arms in bed tonight.

“Oi!” Sirius yells. “Stop canoodling. It’s obscene.” He’s teasing, obviously, but you tuck your face into James’s neck anyway.

“Aw, let them,” Lily says. “You’re just bitter you’re single as fuck.”

“Hey!” Everyone laughs. You feel James’s chuckle more than hear it and you put your palm on his chest. His heart is beating steadily. You can hardly believe he’s given it to you.

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, general masterlist here! promptober masterlist, find all fics under #fvspromptober23

Survey #308

“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”

Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.

Run Away

Author’s Note: This is a series! So if you don’t want to be lost, please check if you read all the precedent chapters! :)

Pairing: Billy x Reader, Stu x Reader, mention of Randy x Reader

Warning: Being captive; psychological violence

Word Count: 1682 words.

Summary: Now that you know that Randy’s not dead, you’re more determined to leave this place.

Masterlist

You thought he was dead. You thought Randy was dead. Every time you would cry out for him, they kept telling you that he was dead. That they killed him at a slow pace to punish him for being with you. And you believed them because they have already killed a lot of people in the past months. You’ve even started to get accustomed to your situation, slowly but surely becoming friendly with the two of them.

Until Tatum said he was alive, and that he was waiting for you to come back to him.

Now all Stu’s and Billy’s efforts are disintegrated, cause all you ever think about is how to get out of this place so you can hold Randy close to you. You’ve also been angrier with them, more aggressive. You’ve started screaming, hitting and kicking, and you’ve almost banged the door open once. You’ve noticed that being kind and submissive wouldn’t get you anywhere, and you prefer dying than never seeing Randy ever again.

Needless to say, your attitude hurts Stu and Billy a lot, especially the blond. He thought you two were getting closer, that he almost earned himself a good place in your heart, but Tatum ruined everything. He hates her for it, even more than before when she kept hitting him and insult him every time he would joke, and he only regrets not being the one to kill her, but at least she’s gone now. As for Billy, he feels betrayed, like Randy finding another way to yank you away from them. Why couldn’t you just accept them and love them? Can’t you see that Randy’s not good enough for you?

And frankly, he’s getting quite pissed off by your attitude.

“Okay, that’s it.” You scream in surprise when he grabs your wrist and yanks you towards the entrance of the house. “I’ll prove to you that he doesn’t love you anymore.”

Your eyes go wide, suddenly understanding he’s taking you outside.

“Stu!” The blond’s head pop out of the kitchen, red licorice sticking out of his mouth. “Let’s go.”

Stu frowns in confusion, then follows you and Billy outside in silence.

“Where are we going?” You ask that question just after Billy pushed you at the back of his car, but he doesn’t answer. “Where are we going!”

Billy turns to Stu. “Get in the back and stop her from doing something stupid.”

The blond nods and instantly sits down beside you, taking your wrist in his hand to prevent you from jumping out of the car later on. As for Billy, he sits behind the wheel, the sound of the car starting making your skin crawl.

“Um, dude, I get we’ll show her something, but...” Stu approaches his face to the dark-haired boy, still confused. “Where are we going?”

“To Randy’s house.”

Your heart stops at those words, and you feel it sink when Stu grins.

“Oooh, okay.” The blond finishes eating his licorice, turning his eyes back to you. “Prepare yourself, babe.”

You stay silent for the rest of the ride, almost crying in pain about how hard Stu’s holding your wrist. And you can’t help but worry a lot about what will come. What are they going to do when you arrive? Will they force you to watch Randy die? Or will they manipulate you into killing him yourself? No, you will not let that happen. You will fight them with every last strength that is left in your body, even if you die yourself in the end.

When they finally stop in front of Randy’s house, you try to take a run for it, but Stu pulls you back by your wrist pretty roughly and traps you between his arms.

“Still trying to run away, huh?” You try to wiggle your way out, but you can only hear Stu chuckle.

“Would have been a waste of time.” Billy turns his head back at you, an evil glint in his eyes. “The house is empty.”

You stop moving, giving him a shocked look.

“What?”

“As soon as you disappeared, Randy and his family left town.”

No… they’re lying…

“Don’t believe us?” Stu takes your chin between his fingers and moves your head so you can look at something specifically outside. “Read for yourself.”

The moving sign standing up still from the ground pushes the tears to come out of your eyes, Stu’s grin stretching out.

“We told you he left you.”

Billy stick his arm out so he can wipe away some of your tears, your mind too in shock for you to react.

“He’s not waiting for you to come back, sweetheart.” Billy smirks, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “He abandoned you. He never truly loved you the way you deserve it. Do you see that now?”

Stu sighs when he sees that you’re still not reacting, and he puts his head on top of yours.

“I think we might have broken her, Billy.”

“No, she just needs time.” The dark-haired boy turns back towards the front and turns on the engine of the car. “We’ll go back home now.”

Stu hums to answer, the blond still holding you tight as Billy drove you back to what has been your prison for weeks and weeks.

Randy left you. Randy left you. Randy left… you…?

No, he didn’t. He wouldn’t do that on purpose. Randy loves you. You know he loves you. Heck, he drove four hours straight in the middle of the night to get you your favorite rare movie at an antique store, there’s no way he didn’t love you.

So this… this must have been his parents. They’ve always been hyper-protective of their children, especially when the murder started. You know they’ve been wanting to leave as soon as they heard the news, but they probably stayed because Randy wanted to protect you too. And when you disappeared, there was no way to know if you got kidnapped or if you were actually killed off somewhere in the woods… so why stay in town and risk getting killed too?

You understand why he left. It fucking hurts, but you understand.

And if you manage to flee and get Stu and Billy arrested, you’ll still get to see him again.

You feel Stu kiss your cheek, and your eyes shut down in anger. You need to get out of this car. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now-

“Ow- (Y/N), no!”

You’ve kicked Stu in the guts with your elbow, then plunged yourself into the car’s door. Next thing you know, you’re thrown into the middle of the road, full-on pain rushing through your body.

“Oh, shit.” You stand up with difficulties, noticing that it’s just trees and trees all around you. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”

Your heart squeeze in panic when the car stops a couple of meters away. You don’t wait for a door to open before you run into a random path in the forest, your breath getting louder and louder the more time you spend on running.

“(Y/N)!” You feel the electricity run through your veins when you hear Billy’s voice, hoping that they can’t see you. “I swear, when I found you, you’ll get one of the worst punishment you could think about!”

You hiss when a branch scratches your arm, the smell of blood already coming into your nose.

“(Y/N), please come back!” Stu’s pleading voice makes you feel uneasy. “Can’t you just come back?”

You would almost feel bad for fleeing-

A car almost hits you over, the conductor managing to avoid you and stopping a few meters away. You fall unto the ground under the shock, noticing that you’ve ended up into another road.

A door opens, and you look up in time to see a young man wearing sunglasses walking towards you in panic.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

You grab his arms in a rush, using him to stand up.

“Woah, slow down. You must be in shock-”

“Get me out of here.”

He frowns in confusion. “Wait, what?”

“You need to get me out of here before they find me.”

“Wait, slow down-”

“Look, it’s too long to explain right now. You need to help me leave.” You start to shake, walking towards his car in a hurry. “Take me anywhere. The police station, the hospital, your house, I don’t care. But we need to leave now.”

“But-”

“Please.” You give him a desperate look, not liking that Billy or Stu could step out of the woods at any moment. “So many people have already died.”

He seems to understand how bad the situation is, and he nods.

“Alright, get in.”

You start to thank him over and over, sitting down beside him and closing the door right when he restarts the engine. You scream when you see both Billy and Stu getting out of the woods, their expressions turning to a panic one when they see you in the car.

“They’re here! Go, go, go, go!”

The man speeds up right when Stu’s about to take a hold of the back of the car, their silhouettes soon disappearing on the horizon. You sigh in relief, starting to cry and laugh at the same time.

“Oh, thank god.” You hide your face behind your hands, almost forgetting about the man beside you. “Thank god.”

“You must have been through a lot.”

You jump up at his voice, then breathe out shakily.

“Yeah… you have no idea.”

The man nods, not letting his eyes off the road.

“So… what’s your name?”

You smile a little, feeling really tired. “I’m (Y/N).”

His eyes go wide. “You’re the girl who went missing two months ago.”

Those words make you face how long you’ve been gone.

“Yeah… that’s me.” You hug yourself, then shake your head. “Anyway… I would like to know the name of my savior.”

He smiles when you say that, turning his eyes towards you for a split second as he answers.

“Roman.” You don’t see the evil glint that passes in his eyes. “Roman Bridger.”

all of the oc asks? (i’m on mobile so asks are weird)

oh!!! okay okay uh which oc oh no uhhhhhh Enny again!

how does your OC act around different people and how does their personality change to match the environment they’re in? how do they act with: friends, family, strangers, children, or their lover(s)?

Enny is a sliding scale. with the mains, she’s spiteful, cold, and just flat out mean, carefully choosing her words before speaking so everything comes out the way she wants it to. with alt Kodi, she lets any exhaustion show and she’s more relaxed, talking about her interests more and casually teasing him. with Echo, she’s vulnerable and, while still restraining her emotions, tries to at least express things through a more emotional lens- and she’s WAY more honest with him than a lot of people. with [REDACTED], she’s more playfully snarky, both teasing and calculating during their games and just generally teasing outside. she’s also extremely soft and relaxed around him, watchful but not really wary. with strangers, she’s tense and her voice actually has more inflection than most times because she’s using more intense tones for their benefit- usually she’s more deadpan (when her voice does get a tone it stands out), but that tends to drive people off. she doesn’t trust strangers so she just acts to blend in. in emotionally-charged scenarios she’s either loud or very quiet depending on the emotion- if other people are angry she goes quiet, if SHE’S angry she gets loud, when she’s happy there’s not a lot of volume change but she taps her fingers or sort of moves in place, and when she’s worried or upset she fiddles with things in her hands or digs her nails into her arms. that’s more body language than personality but!! I like those details!! make me happy.

does your OC prefer to take the lead or follow orders? with everyone or just with certain people? is there a reason for this?

Enny prefers to be in control, taking the lead. she had Zero Control when she was younger and in order to make sure that never happens again tends to force her way into positions of power. can’t be hurt if you’re the one at the top. once she’s comfortable around a group this fades but she always at least likes a say in everything.

how easily is your OC embarrassed? what subjects make them flush and why? what event has made your OC the most embarrassed they’ve ever been?

she’s not embarrassed by a lot. being made fun of gets no embarrassment, getting caught in a ramble isn’t as embarrassing as it is frustrating that she lost track of how long she was talking..... but oh boy the topic of love. she shows love and care through actions so hearing someone she cares about just bluntly say “I love you”? fucking WILD how could they just SAY THAT like it’s a FACT that’s not how this works why do they love her what the fuck. that’ll get her flustered. feelings and shit. she’s also highly embarrassed about her creepypasta self-insert fanfiction from years ago but that will never see the light of day again so it’s no big.

does your OC have any triggers? why do these things trigger them? what are they like when triggered and how do they calm down after?

slamming doors, people yelling (specifically adult men), and her old name, but only when it’s used in reference to her- seeing people talking about main Aila isn’t an issue, but being called Aila herself makes her a little panicky. in a certain au, the distinct Mind player teal is a minor trigger as well. the first three are because of her father’s abuse, and the last one is because of an incident with a Mind player that uh. didn’t go great. slamming doors make her freeze up and she stops breathing entirely until she can calm down, people yelling makes her close to tears, frozen, and again not breathing, as well as leaving her unable to speak until a bit after she’s calmed down. her old name also makes her freeze up for a moment. enclosed spaces help her calm down because they feel like a safe zone since she can see what’s coming and she used to hide in her closet. select trusted people also help her calm down, like alt Kodi, Echo, and [REDACTED], but alt Kodi helps the most by just being there since she associates him with safety, too. Echo does NOT apply to the Mind player teal and he’d just make things worse for that specific one because of the situation.

are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? any reason behind this?

...most? Enny DESPISES feeling afraid and has a real rough time calming down when startled, and she hates feeling like she’s helpless. she doesn’t understand love for a while, too, and affection with her is weird and she can’t deal with it. she also hates feeling jealous or envious mostly because it’s a reminder that other people got to have things she didn’t. she doesn’t understand love because she’s repressed as fuck and she can’t deal with feeling any sort of affection because she’s never really gotten to express it or felt like she got it back from other people.

does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? do they have a hobby or pastime that others would consider strange or weird? how did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

!!! I mean, it’s weird for Enny, but she can paint! she learned how to paint from Cece before the ship got built and it was her first true “downtime” hobby that she stuck with. she can also carry a tune surprisingly well! what’s more surprising is that she DOESN’T know how to play chess.

how well does your OC take care of themself? do they tend to put others before their own well-being and if so how often? what is their favorite way to pamper themself?

she.... is not good at taking care of herself. she doesn’t exactly put other people before herself? she’s just not good at self-care. the ship got her a proper meal schedule, and sure, she brushes her hair, and those are two points in her favor and both things she has up on me! but her sleep schedule’s fucky because of nightmares, she doesn’t always actually take time to relax, she doesn’t think positively of herself, she doesn’t do things for the sake of enjoying herself, and she slips back into Consumption habits more often than most people on the ship, if not all of them. her self-care is occasionally going to stay in alt Kodi’s room or the other way around to swap snack stashes and vent and just hang out. it’s calming for her. sibling bonding time.

what are some of your OC’s favorites? favorite food, color, season, stuff like that! give some general simple facts that tend to get overlooked!

Enny loves dark chocolate, black licorice, autumn, rainy days, dark blue-ish grey, and bubblegum. she likes cola sodas and small spaces, and prefers pens that click over pens that have caps. she also writes in pen rather than pencil, and she was left-handed before she taught herself to be ambidextrous! she prefers enclosed spaces over open areas because she can’t keep an eye on every direction in an open area. she also prefers audiobooks over reading words and loves mysteries, and likes thunderstorms :).

does your OC like to sleep alone or do they enjoy sharing their bed? have they been to any sleepovers? have they ever been camping? what did they think of the experiences if so?

she gets real fond of sharing her bed, exclusively with people she really trusts. [REDACTED] has shared-bed privileges. she’s never been to an actual sleepover and she’s never been camping! she has stayed at alt Kodi’s before, without any of the sleepover activities, and that was always nice.

when your OC says “I had a bad day” what does that tend to mean? is it really as bad as they’re saying or are they being a bit dramatic?

if she says��“I had a bad day” she had a BAD DAY. she does like to be dramatic sometimes, but when talking about her day it’s exactly as bad as she claims it is. a bad day is “I got attacked by something/someone and feared for my life and stayed shaken all day” or “I had nightmares again last night and couldn’t calm down so I spent the entire day trying to hide away and then someone had to come calm me down and they saw me panicking and I Don’t Like That” or “a Mind player impersonated my therapist and took some of my memories and called me a horrible person just like my father and said I could never be redeemed”.

is your OC a good liar? how easy is it for them to tell lies? what is the biggest lie they’ve ever told and did they ever get found out? on the other hand, what is the biggest lie someone has told your OC and did they believe them?

she’s an excellent liar when she wants to be. lies are easy to tell and easier to explain for her. the biggest lie was probably during the Main Timeline Incident when she tried to convince Hope that the Time players were acting fucky and needed to be taken down- that one went over pretty neutrally because while Hope didn’t help her, she also didn’t go tell everyone because she wasn’t sure if that was the truth or not. if not that one, her accidental lie claiming she was in love with Kell because she just straight-up Did Not Know that wasn’t love. or the lie to herself that she had Absolutely Zero Attraction To Girls. repression’s a hell of a drug. the biggest lie she’s been told would probably be the aforementioned Mind player pretending to be Echo. that one was SO FUCKED and she fell for it. or, again, her convincing herself she didn’t like girls at all nuh-uh no way.

how religious is your OC? do they pray to any god(s) or do they not believe in that kind of stuff? what is their view of religion in general? where do they believe people go when they die? if your OC is not religious why not and what do they believe in otherwise?

she’s not religious at all. she’s neutral on religion and has a number of death theories- one is just straight-up SBURB dreambubbles because SBURB’s real so why not. another is you join the ranks of the horrorterrors when you die. in the same au as before she became an Actual God and dead players did in fact start showing up at her door so uh. that. that’s what happens. she guesses.

what is something from your OC’s past they’re the most ashamed of and why? what is something they’re really proud of? and lastly what is something in their past that could make them shake with dread?

she’s ashamed of how she used to treat Kell and alt Hurlii, and also kind of ashamed about... being abused? she knows she’s not the one who should be ashamed about that one but. :/. she’s also ashamed of jumping straight to “put main Kori out of commission” with the Main Timeline Incident. she’s proud that she’s made it as far as she has and just surviving, and also proud that she’s been able to open up to Echo and get therapy for her trauma. I think we all know what could make her tremble at this point though.

what does your OC do on their days off from working, school or whatever else it is they may do? do they enjoy relaxing, shopping, hanging out with friends? what is a normal day like for them?

she used to hang out with alt Kodi whenever she could, but on the ship, she goes and hangs out with [REDACTED], distracts herself with busywork, and spends time with her crewmates. she’s trying to be more social.

what was your OC like as a baby? what were they like as a child? a teenager? an adult? how do you think they’ll develop ten years into their future? twenty years? will they live to old age?

she baby. as a kid she was pretty quiet- one of those “pleasure to have in class” sorta kids who did their work and kept their mouth shut. she didn’t have a lot of friends. she got snarkier as she aged and became sort of a bully; she was still quiet, but the quiet angry type. as an adult she mellows tf out after getting therapy and still works on y’know, being a person, but definitely starts accepting herself a lot more and starts being The Trusted Adult. she’s going to provide a safe area for kids and accidentally adopt them along the way babey. she definitely grows to old age as a god tier :).

does your OC have any bad habits? does your OC have any addictions like smoking or drinking? how did they fall into these habits and why?

if digging her nails into her arms counts, that’s a habit. she also relapses into Consumption more than the others- frantic note-taking and knowledge absorption to an extreme. she doesn’t really know how the arm thing got started, but something about the sharpness of digging her nails in was supposed to ground her or something, and now she doesn’t even notice that she’s doing it. so it doesn’t work anymore and just leaves marks sometimes :(.

what does your OC think is their best trait? what is actually their best trait? what about their flaws? are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

Enny thinks her best trait is her problem-solving ability, but I think her best trait is her resilience. both are very good, though! she has plenty of flaws and she doesn’t like to bring a lot of them up, but she admits them more than she thinks she does. she’s VERY aware of them though. she thinks she’s selfish, aggressive, deceptive, and generally unpleasant to be around. she thinks she’s way worse than she is tbh.

What is your OC like in bed- 

sleepy. that’s it. Enny does NOT fuck.

what’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? one that would make them laugh? one that would make their day worse? why? what words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

depends who’s saying it! a simple invitation to hang out from some people would improve her day, but from others it would make things far worse. generally, a compliment doesn’t hurt, or an “I like being around you” or something. she tends to laugh at things that are light jabs at people and sometimes sudden tone shifts. most mentions of her past would make her day worse, and any mention of her dad is a no-go. if you want to ruin her day entirely, compare her to her father.

how much effort does your OC put into their looks? do they care much about how they’re dressed or what their hair looks like or are they not bothered? could they be considered a snob or a slob?

she puts probably an average amount of effort into her looks. depends on the day and what’s going on and how she feels, but it’s generally consistent. she keeps her hair neat, makes her outfit match, enjoys having the option of makeup with no one to say whether she should or shouldn’t wear it, and just goes about her day. but she doesn’t spend too much time on it. I’d say she’s somewhere in the middle. more snobby than me, but I’m a massive slob :P

what additions would your OC make to their body if they could? let’s say, if they don’t have a tail would they want one? wings? horns? do they wish they could shapeshift?

!!! I’ve gone over this in a roleplay before! she honestly doesn’t know what she wants because she’s never thought about it before, but if she happened to suddenly and mysteriously gain shapeshifting she’d spend a lot of time just trying to find anything that felt right without being her original form. eventually she’d settle back into her og form with minor changes, maybe dye her hair instantly or something. definitely dye her hair. she’d totally fuck around with a monster form too. and I mean, who would say no to shapeshifting? she would like having the option to change everything at the drop of a hat. to not be herself, and then be herself again, and then maybe try out a snake tail and have fun with that, and then-

what inspired you to make this OC? how long have you had them? how have they changed in the time you’ve been developing them?

originally she was just for a fun “opposites” AU, and I’ve had her for about... 2 years? 2 years. what really made me latch onto her was a suggestion from a friend :). she’s gone from a one-off character who was primarily bitter to my favorite good good child who is still SO BITTER but wants to do good things. plus I like her more than Deux now and that was NOT the case back then.

what traits of your own do you see in this OC? are they a little bit self-inserty? don’t be shy, we all put parts of ourselves into the creations we love!

we both get panicky at slammed doors and at people yelling, along with feeling vulnerable when we can’t keep an eye out in every angle. we’re also both ace. a lot of her interests are the same as mine, and her finger-tapping, nail-digging, and pen-clicking are all from me. we also both have to think about our facial expressions, though they come a bit more naturally to me than to her. we’re both real fond of [REDACTED], we both like monsters, and we both have too many thoughts at once. her general demeanor isn’t really me, though. she mostly took all my little details. oh shit we both wear glasses too :P and we both changed our names.

what is your personal opinion of this OC? do you love them or are they your trash child? are they your baby?

I love her so much. you don’t understand how much I love her. she’s absolutely my favorite child!!!

are you writing anything with this OC or planning on writing anything for them? do you RP with them or are they just for fun to mess around with?

I both write stuff with her and RP as her! she’s my faaaavorite. I write about her in AUs (horrorterror Enny, monster AU, superhero AU, etc.) and in canon, and I’m hoping to write more once I have more time on my hands! she’s also my D&D character in a current campaign. and I rp her on her character blog @eloquentbarrister :P

how important is this OC to you? are they a character that’s helped you through some pretty tough times or could you scrap them without feeling a thing?

she’s, uh... she’s real important. I vent through her a lot and thinking about her calms me down.

do you enjoy working on your OC or are they a bit of a chore? we all have that one character who is hard to develop!

every day I think to myself “hm, what does this action say about Enny?”, so when it comes to her I love working on her! I could write essays about her! her goals are vague in certain aus which is the only bad part but so are mine, really.

ramble a bit about this character! 

that’s all I’ve been doing this whole time :P but!! she’s so good in every AU. learning how to be vulnerable and talk to people. learning how to be comfortable with herself. giving a huge middle finger to her past, at first trying to run from it and anything she did back then, and then going “yeah, that was a thing that happened, and it was fucked up, but I’ve come a long way”. she’s so good. she’s SO GOOD. monster AU Enny is fun too bcause the plot goes from “various monster kids relentlessly interact with the changeling kid until she considers them friends and the changeling learns to trust robot dad, learning how to play an instrument along the way” to “changeling becomes best friends with a god, does some drugs in the woods, and then watches the apocalypse go down with a big ol smile”. D&D Enny is very good because she’s a halfling warlock with a fun affectionate relationship with her patron and won’t stop adopting children despite barely being an adult. she wants to kill the gods and it’s very fun and cool tbh. also HORRORTERROR ENNY......... KILLS ME.......... ughhhh I’d love to ramble about her but I’m also WRITING her and wanna share that writing y’feel? just. aaaaaaaaa. Enny “Enlightener” Delmirain’t!!!!!

21 questions

Tagged by: @mybloodismainlycoffee

Thanks bud!

1.) Nicknames? I suppose Lee is technically a nickname but if you're not from my home town and you call me by my full name I'm probably gonna be pretty upset with you. I use Lee academically too, that's what's on my publications and stuff. Proper nicknames include Leemur, Cat, Leemurcat, and Beth.

2.) Zodiac? Taurus and year of the tiger. I don't believe that the reason the bull and the tiger suit me is because I was born at a certain time or that they control my future, but they happen to suit me, so I like them.

3.) Height? 5'6"

4.) Last movie watched? God I don't remember. I don't watch movies a lot. Probably the last tv show I watched though was The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with my girlfriend. Good show. Watch it.

5.) Last thing you Googled? Lemon butter pasta recipe, which I didn't follow, but I just wanted to see how someone else would proportion the spices.

6.) Favorite musician(s)? Florence and the Machine, Birdy, Dodie, Bastille, OneRepublic, Clean Bandit, AJR, Fink, Ruth B, AnnenMayKantereit, Alligatoah, Leoniden, Tara Terra, Tonbandgerät, Watsky, Urban Cone, uuuh... Probably more to be honest... I like a lot of music...

7.) Song stuck in my head?  Moderation by Florence and the Machine.

8.) Other blogs? My main, @strictly-script.

9.) Do I get asks? Some. I'll take more!

10.) Following? Over a thousand. Constantly trying to weed them down...

11.) Amount of sleep? 6-8 hours.

12.) Lucky favorite number? I like 8. I like cubes. 27 is good too. I like smooth numbers, numbers whose prime factors are small. Smooth cubes are amazing. Unfortunately, number theorists have unnecessarily strong opinions about specific numbers, so both my thesis advisor and my other number theory research advisor insist that it is bad and wrong that I don't favor primes. But they can fight me, and my cubes.

13.) What I’m wearing? A gray tank top and my favorite pajama pants with this pattern:

14.) Dream job? Math professor.

15.) Dream trip? Visiting friends all over the world. I care more about the people than the places.

16.) Favorite food? Black licorice!

17.) Play any instruments? Guitar, ukulele, vocals, but none of them well...

18.) Languages? English and German, some Spanish and ASL.

19.) Favorite song? I feel like someone asked this recently but I like a lot of songs... Maybe right now the Anchor by Bastille. Or Lift Me Up by OneRepublic.

20.) Random fact? I have a pretty big collection of international coins. If you ever meet me in person, give me a coin or a squished souvenir penny and I'll love you forever. (Although I'll probably love you forever anyway.)

21.) Describe your aesthetic?  Men's t-shirt or sweater or flannel. Floral skinny jeans. I'm slightly colorblind and extremely fashion challenged so my entire wardrobe is olive green, brown, and black, so I can't possibly screw up and clash. I probably have my backpack with me, it's olive green and covered in buttons. I'll post a picture of it some day. I'm tired and not used to the lastest adjustment to my meds. My meds change so often I'm never used to them, so I'm some kind of negatively agitated due to meds and some kind of positively agitated about whatever math problem I'm obsessed with at the moment. I'm probably planning a prank on a professor but I can't keep a secret so ask me about it, you can see it sparkling in my eyes. Stereotypical nerd glasses. My hair is loose and long and big and fluffy and curly and I'm desperately hoping my mane distracts you from whatever fashion mistake I've made.

I’ll tag:  @carlscookies @thatfunsizednerd @godel-rhymes-with-turtle @hurricane-euler

(you don't gotta, but it'd be fun.)

A Jump, Little Children Renaissance?

It's hard to believe that it was just a week ago that we were playing with our newly-named New Oblivion Orchestra. That was a week ago? That was a week ago. And exactly one year ago that Vance the Manager sat us down with the plan for funding, writing, recording, releasing, and touring a new album. ONE YEAR AGO. Thank you for making this entire year one of the most fun we have ever, ever had. 

The day after our last show of the year we had a photo shoot with our friend and photographer Nathan Baerreis, and from the looks of the early shots, it's going to be a good one.

"Why would you have another photo shoot?", you ask, "Isn't Sparrow done, already?" What is left to do?

A lot. Four months isn't a ton of time for an album to be out. There are still so many people–so many fans of Jump, Little Children, even–that don't know about the album, or that we are writing new music. While it might be easier to get the word out thanks to various social media in some ways, in many ways it's just as hard as ever to introduce people to new music, because there is so much noise out there, literally and figuratively. It'll be tough for us, too, because we know that we're not going to be a full-time touring band again. We love our home lives: we like making our own coffee in the morning. We also like getting on a bus, playing shows, saying "hello", but I don't think we'll ever get back to the point where we are touring most of the year. It's a choice that we're happy with.

So how do we a) increase our "noise" both online and elsewhere without physically touring and b) try to support all of this work that we need to do to make it happen?

We have a few ideas, and many of them we discovered by accident. My brother Evan and I started doing Facebook and Instagram Live streams because we had things to announce that were band-related. They were awkward, at first, then awkward AND fun. Soon we were talking about things that were unrelated to Jump, Little Children because we enjoy talking to each other and have lots of things to talk about. The experience was made even better by you, chiming in in the comments. The Bivins Brothers Show (name pending) was born. Coming soon to a Facebook & Instagram Live and YouTube Channel near you. We're working on a few ideas of what the focus of the show will be, but no matter what we feel like it's an excellent way for us to all stay in touch.

After our first performance of Sparrow at the Footlights Players Theatre last year, we did an extremely fun "Q & A" that gave you the opportunity to ask questions about the album, and about us as a band. It got Jay thinking about how fun it would be to break down the entire album, song by song. For those of you familiar with the podcast "Song Exploder", that's what we'll be going for. Jay Clifford, a remarkably entertaining podcast host, will single out accordion tracks from "White Buffalo", interview Johnny Gray about how many basses he used in the song "Voyeuropa", and learn from producer Josh Kaler how much reverb went into the harmonica in "Cyclorama". It's going to be a high-quality and very interesting dive into our new album, and how the writing/recording process really goes, for those of you that don't know!

But there's more.

We kept a secret from many of you this year, and it's time for us to fess up. On December 29th we performed a very special show at the Queen Street Theatre in Charleston where we played the entirety of The Licorice Tea Demos and Magazine, back-to-back. Yes, we played "Opium" for the first time in probably 20 years, and "Dark and Lonely Man" for the first time in a loooooooong time. We only announced this show to our Facebook Group called Opium, a 1000-strong group of folk that has been a part of the official J, LC "fan club" for a while. 200 tickets sold in about three minutes. Many people on Opium didn't get to go, and there were plenty of you out there that didn't know about the show at all. We called it "#licmag". It was f'ing magical.

The Opium Group is open to anyone. It's a private on Facebook, but any fan of the band can apply, and you should: (https://www.facebook.com/groups/1621541794731647/). In Opium you'll often get first dibs on any ticket sales, special questions from Vance the Manager about merch and the like, even more interaction with the band, etc. This year, Opiates got a chance to come to see us play very old songs that you haven't heard in years. It's a very supportive group and we appreciate it so much. 

What if there was an "Opium+"? An "Opium Pro"? "Opium XS"? An "Underground Elite"?? What if we could build a place where JLC fans that want to support the band financially, to support this community, to share information and talk about live taping and in return for their support get special tickets and original content created by the five of us?

"Underground Elite 2.0" (name pending) will be built at patreon.com. We love Patreon's very-old-school concept of having Patrons support Artists directly. Old school like "The Renaissance". It has a ton of tools that we can use to be closer to those that want to help us stay a rock band, to help us write more albums, to help us just create. I personally support a number of Patreon accounts, just a dollar or ten a month, and I love the feeling it brings to be able to allow another artist the means to continue to do more of what they're doing, to feel like I'm helping them not have to find money doing something that would in any way keep them from being great podcasters, singer-songwriters, or comic book writers. 

Patreon lets you support an artist monthly or based on what they create. Either way helps. And we're ready to exchange this patronage with content. Besides Jay's yet-unnamed-podcast, our Patreon channel will be a home for special episodes of the Bivins Brothers Broadcast (name pending). We'll share newly written demos, and songs that "didn't make the cut" to be on Sparrow. Exclusive merchandise designed by Evan and some of our favorite designers. I’d actually love to write out some more lyric prints (or phrases?) for those that would like them. Would it be fun for Ward Williams to teach guitar and cello lessons, or Jonathan Gray perform "80's Mall Organ Store" renditions of songs on my Fun Machine? You're damned right it would be fun. Official Archivist Chris Slack is willing to share never-before-released Jump shows he has on file. Remember the "secret show" I mentioned above? #licmag? Chris recorded it, and as a Patreon subscriber, you'll get to hear it, and also our night with our incredible New Oblivion Orchestra.

And we'll be talking tickets. Early-Access tickets to shows that non-subscribers know about, and probably some that they don't. Tickets, podcasts, videos, merch, and a lot more. We're still dreaming stuff up.

We've always been a band that is very open to our fans. We try to write back when you email, answer when you call. I have (very recently) stood in line with a blazing fever after a show because I genuinely wanted to talk to each and every person that came to see us play. We don't have to; there are lots of bands that don't care about that stuff. To me, it's part of it, maybe the biggest part of it. The problem is that we're not going to be touring 250 days a year like we used to, and that could seriously limit our interactions. But if we can create a place where we're sharing stuff that we create, you're helping us create stuff, we throw in a decent forum platform, and Boom. We will get even more of this lovely community and communication, is my hope. We'll just more of these moments in our PJs on the Laz-E-Boy on our computers instead of at the end of a long night at a rock and roll club. 

Last year we hit January with a very clear plan for the entire year: fund the creation of an album of new songs, write songs in 3 months, record those songs in 2 months, release said album, tour that album for about a month, end the year with an orchestra. We pulled it off and learned a lot. We learned that we like having goals and we like creating and writing songs. Evan and I like recording ourselves talking about superheroes and intense diets, and yes, Jump, Little Children. Jay loves to talk about the songs he has written. There were some growing pains, but we feel ready. We want a plan for this year, and next year, too. Part of that will include more touring, and part of that will likely include a new album down the line. Sparrow has just dropped, though, and there is a ton to still say, a ton of people that need to find us. We think that Patreon will help with that. 

Our Social Media Sensei Alison Kendrick suggests that it's time we "let our hair down". #licmag was a good start, and 200 people got to see us, Scrunchies off. (Especially Ward Williams…holy sh&t!!, right?) We want more people to come to the next party. Including you. More information coming soon.

Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust

Summary: Dean and his female friend have a close friendship; will a night in the sheets change things?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Character

Word Count: 2342

Warnings: Language, Dean being a cutie pie (yes that’s a warning), SMUT, a smidgen of plot, feels and fluff.

Square Filled: Friends to Lovers

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo One of my ALL TIME FAVORITE tropes honestly! I hope you guys enjoy this. If you haven’t seen the movie referenced in this one shot; HERE is the scene I’m talking about. As always; unbeta’d, all mistakes are mine but the pictures are not. I found them on Pinterest and screen shot one from YouTube.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam was gone to visit....someone. He’d mentioned the name but she’s forgotten it as soon as he’d said it. As soon as the garage door to the bunker shut, she made her way back to her room. Wherever Dean was, he wouldn’t be back any time soon, so she decided she would pamper herself. She changed into a comfortable tank top and booty shorts, threw her hair into a ponytail and slapped on a charcoal facial mask. Just because she lived with guys didn’t mean she couldn’t indulge in things she liked every once in a while. Face masks, painting her toes, watching fairy tail movies, eating popcorn and drinking wine were among the things she liked to do to feel normal. Something just for her. With the mask on, she popped some popcorn, poured herself a glass of wine and found Peter Pan on HBO and decided to watch that. Something simple, that brought back fond memories of being a tween girl and going to the movies with her friends.

Lost in the movie and relaxing, she hadn’t heard Dean calling her name. He could hear voices coming from her room and realized she was watching a movie. He quickly peaked through the crack in her door and saw her stretched out in bed, with a bowl full of popcorn next to her, shorts (they barely constituted as shorts, more like longer underwear) and some grey stuff on her face. He waited for a few seconds, observing her in her natural habitat. She looked so relaxed and chill, she was the opposite on a case.

“Hey,” he finally greeted her as he came around the corner “what’re you watching?”

“Peter Pan.” She told him, not looking up “What’s up?”

“Nothing, just seeing if you wanted to hang out.” He said with a shrug. She paused the movie and said

“Sure, go get comfy and climb on in!” She patter the bed beside her “I got plenty of room.”

“What’s the stuff on your face? Is it contagious?” He asked and she laughed

“It’s a charcoal face mask,” she told him “cleans and refined pores and it makes my face all soft.”

He shook his head and said

“I’ll be back in five, want a drink?”

“Yup,” She told him “I got the good beer.”

“Of course you did.” He said with a smirk and left the room.

She got up and washed the mask off her face, her heart pounding in her chest. This wasn’t the first time she and Dean had laid in bed and watched a movie together. They had a heavily flirtatious friendship, Sam often teased that they should hurry up and date all ready while Charlie compared them to Jim and Pam from The Office.

She shook her head, patted her face dry and applied her moisturizer. She wasn't totally sure she wanted more from him than what she was giving him. She knew him well enough to know he'd never agree to anything serious. Any seriousness meant there would be a target on her back. She sighed and climbed back into bed, getting comfortable. After a few more minutes, Dean reappeared, wearing a plain blue shirt, jeans and black socks, carrying two beers and a bag of Twizzlers pull and peel.

“Where did you find that?!” She asked as she accepted the beer and candy.

“I know where you hide the good snacks,” he told her “you can’t hide licorice from me!”

“I have to or I won’t get any!” She said as she moved over to make room for him. He settled in beside her as she opened the bag. They sat with their heads propped against the headboard, their hips and legs touching.

“You really think I’d be that mean?” He asked as she offered him a piece.

“Not intentionally,” she told him “I just know how you get.”

He took the candy and started to pull it apart.

“And how do I get?” He asked

“You start watching The Three Stooges, get distracted and next thing you know, you’ve eaten all the candy and then have to tell me about it with that sad puppy look on your face.” She grabbed a piece of the candy and went on “Then I can’t stay mad at you, so you go to the store, get more and then the cycle starts all over again.”

He laughed and she pressed play on the movie.

“That happens a little too much if you have it down pat.” He said and she shrugged.

“I don’t mind,” she told him “it’s funny.”

“What Peter Pan is this? I’ve never seen this one.” He asked

“The 2003 live action,” she told him “Jason Issacs is in this one.”

“Lucius Malfoy?” Dean asked and she nodded.

“He plays Captain Hook and Mister Darling.” She said.

He nodded and they watched in silence for a while, drinking and eating.

The part in the movie came where Peter and Wendy go off to see the fairies and she let out an audible gasp. Dean turned his head a little and watched as a look of wonder came over her face as the fairies left trails of glitter behind them as they flew, casting an ethereal glow in the forest. He was about to tell her that wasn’t what it looked like when fairies flew, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring himself to break the spell of enchantment she was under as she watched the fairies, as well as Peter and Wendy, romantically dance. A slow smile crossed his face as he committed this moment to memory. The would be the moment he’d look back on later and know this is when he fell in love with her. He gently slipped his arm around her shoulders and she laid her head on his chest as he kissed her forehead.

“Dean?” She asked quietly

“Hm?” He answered, catching the scent of her shampoo.

She looked up at him, their eyes meeting as she bit her lip. Maybe nothing serious would ever happen between them, but that didn't stop how she felt about him.

“Could I-“ she cut herself off “No, could we-“ she cut herself off again, her cheeks turning pink “I mean, may I-“ she couldn’t get the words out and he smirked.

“Take a breath,” he told her gently “what’s on your mind?”

She took a breath she let it out shakily.

“CanIKissYou?” She said quickly, not even taking a breath between her words.

A slow smile crept across his lips and he nodded. She leaned in, her lip trembling and pressed her mouth to his.

His lips were soft and strong on hers, the heat between them blossoming into a passionate flame. He threaded his fingers through her hair, holding her in place as he opened his mouth to kiss her again. She swiped her tongue across his lips and he opened his mouth to let her in. Her tongue intertwined with his, letting out a moan. They pulled away and she took her tank top off, leaving her in her bra and shorts. She took his hand that was in her hair and guided it to her breast. His thumb ran over the swell as his chest heaved.

“Dean,” she breathed “it’s okay, you can touch me.”

He leaned his head down, kissing between her breasts and up to her neck where he gently sucked on her flesh. She whined as she gripped his hair. His mouth met hers again, wrapping her into another heated kiss, the stubble on his face deliciously scratching her upper lip.

She guided his hand down and to her the waistband of her panties.

“You’re sure?” He asked in a husky tone.

“Never been more sure of anything in my life.” She told him as she looked at him. She too her hands away from his and rid him of his shirt. He gently closed his lips over hers and he pushed his fingers down and through her soaked folds, letting out a groan.

“God sweetheart,” he moaned into her mouth “so fucking wet already?”

“I’ve wanted this for a long, long time.” She told him as she slid her fingers through his gorgeous, thick hair “I want you to touch me so badly.”

She opened her legs wider for him as his fingers glided through her wet pussy, pushing two fingers inside of her easily as she gasped.

“OH!” She cried out as his thumb flicked back and forth over her clit.

“Let me see sweetheart,” he begged in her ear “let me see what I do to you.”

She quickly discarded her shorts and panties, opening her legs wide for him to get a good look as his handiwork. She was practically dripping on to his hand as he worked her up, higher and higher.

“Dean,” she cried out, her hands clutching the sheets beside her head. “Ohhhhh god Dean!”

“Wanna taste you,” He said as he pulled his fingers out and then quickly latched around her. He rolled on to his back, bringing her on top of him as she moaned. He sucked and licked on her while she thrust her hips into his face.

“That’s it,” She heard him moan “ride my face.”

He kneaded the flesh of her ass and gave her a light smack as she cried out, gripping her headboard so tightly that her knuckles were white.

“God, Dean!” She cried out. She wanted this feeling, this fantasy, to never end. His mouth and tongue working her nearly to the brink of insanity, but she wasn’t going to make him stop. She felt like she was on fire and freezing all at the same time as a sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead. She moaned his name over and over again as his thumb rubbed her clit in slow circles. She couldn’t warn him, the words wouldn’t form in her mouth. She threw back her head and let out a scream as the dam in her belly burst open, her eyes rolling in the back of her head and she went numb from head to toe for a few seconds. He gently brought her down to the bed and laid her beside him as they both breathed hard. He stroked her face with the back of his hand as he smiled, he was pleased that he’d had that effect on her.

“Wow.” was all she could say after a few moments of mutual silence. She leaned forward and kissed him, her taste lingering in his mouth. She ran her hands all over his naked torso; his chest, his back, shoulders and stomach, relishing in the feel of his skin under her hands, while he did the same thing. He yanked her bra off then tossed it aside. He admired the girl below him, her skin seemed to carry a glow around it as he took his time memorizing every curve. She captured his mouth with hers and pulled him into an intense kiss as she unbuckled his belt. Without missing a beat, he undid the button and zipper on his jeans and pulled them down along with his underwear and got on top of her.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes searching her face for any signs of wariness or discomfort.

She nodded and slid her hands up his chest and around to his back.

“I want you,” She told him as she opened her legs wider for him and slid her hands up and into his hair “god, I want you so badly.”

She gripped his locks tightly as he guided himself into her and then plunged deep into her, making her cry out and arch her back. He’d slid home almost immediately, making her shutter.

“Dean,” she breathed “please, I want more. Please.”

He began to move, his hips gently thrusting into her.

“I won’t break,” she hissed “you can fuck me harder.”

He looked at her

“I don’t want to fuck you,” he told her “I want to make love to you.”

She looked startled at this notion, but nodded and let him carry on. His hips moved while he kissed, licked, bit and sucked on every inch of bare skin he could. She moved her hips with his and held on for the rest, he drove her higher and higher as she hooked her leg around his hips and rolled him on to his back. She slide her hands up his arms and to his hands where she laced her fingers with his as she rolled her hips into him. He gasped and chased a kiss from her, which she obliged, his tongue swiping across her lips.

“Dean,” she moaned into his mouth “Dean.”

His tongue dove into her mouth as her tongue danced with his. He sat up, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips.

“Sweetheart,” he moaned as he rested his forehead on her chest “oh fuck.”

They both worked each other higher and higher until they were screaming each other’s names as they both finished. Dean fell back on to the bed, holding her tightly in his arms as she started to tremble.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he looked down at her.

She nodded, her finger tracing the planes of his chest.

“I’m fine,” she told him “I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm that intense.”

He smirked and kissed her tenderly as she laid her forehead against his chest. She quietly drifted off to sleep as he stroked her hair, relishing in the feel of her hair under his palm, her skin against his and the bliss he felt in that moment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What did you think?! I hope you guys liked it! Please share, like and comment. Maybe hit that follow button?? My boxes are open and I’m always taking requests so if you want to see your idea turned into something cool, drop me a line! See ya’ll for the next one!!

The Squad:

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we'll be fireproof (socky)

Rocky has been told about the wonders of Hogwarts since he was a child. Having grown up in a household of magic where his childhood photos moved behind their pristine glass frames and his favorite sport was flying on a broomstick on the empty field by the hidden river near his house, Rocky anticipated the freedom he would relish in once he started his years at Hogwarts – simply to be among those similar to him and to be encouraged to cast magic in the wide open. His parents were both wizards having come from Pureblood lines with positions in the Ministry of Magic, who despite their work in Defense Against the Dark Arts helped foster his love for Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. By the tender age of eleven with his bright mind churning with endless thoughts, Rocky excitedly crossed Platform ¾ as a defining moment of his life and boarded the Hogwarts Express to the castle of his dreams.

This year is his fifth year.

Rocky sits in his usual compartment, his pet owl a small Scops owl chirping softly in his cage, while he waits for his best friend Moonbin to come back from splurging on the Hogwarts Express trolley.

He met Moonbin in his first year where he and the second year Gryffindor shared a Herbology class. They were paired up for the infamous mandrake root pulling lesson and needless to say, the two stuck together like glue after that ear-screeching experience. It’s been five years and Rocky can confidently say he knows practically everything about the older boy, from his insatiable thirst for flying in his free time to his dreams of becoming an Auror, from his excitement for random duels to his undying love for food (after all Moonbin did find the entrance to the kitchen within the first two weeks of his first year) which is a serious contender to his obvious infatuation for one Ravenclaw by the name of Cha Eunwoo.

(Moonbin has been smitten for four years now and Rocky can only sigh every time his best friend blushes in the mere presence of the prefect)

It was pretty easy to tell, and Rocky was observant enough to know that Eunwoo felt the same way towards the other – if the endearing nickname ‘Binnie’ for Moonbin was any clear giveaway. But both were too shy to make a move and Rocky hoped for the love of Dumbledore and the third-fourth-fifth wheeling of him and his friends that the two would finally confess this year and get together already.

Where was Moonbin anyways? Getting licorice wands and cauldron cakes shouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes. Rocky jumps to his feet, Hufflepuff robes fluttering in the disturbed air, and slides open the door of the compartment. He looks up and down the hall and catches sight of the trolley but no hungry Moonbin lingering by the snacks. With his interest piqued as to where his best friend is, Rocky makes his way down to the prefect compartment.

He really should have knocked.

When Rocky forces open the compartment door, he’s met with the image of Moonbin sprawled on Eunwoo’s lap, faces too close to be merely talking and Moonbin’s hands on Eunwoo’s tie. Both boys still and Moonbin frantically tries to slide off the Ravenclaw’s lap to explain only to trip on his robes, lean forward, and knock foreheads with the pretty boy.

For a second, Rocky is half torn in embarrassment for himself and for Moonbin. But he flushes at the scene, mumbles an apology before slamming the door shut and fleeing the scene.

Rocky doesn’t notice that he’s walked past his own compartment until he hears a distant yelp from the compartment at the very end. He knows his compartment is nowhere near this end of the train but the yelp is more distinct now and alarm bells ring in Rocky’s head.

He puts a discreet hand on the wand hidden in his robes and barges in. Three boys in Slytherin robes have their wands out pointed at another, face hidden in his regular black robes, no indication of House in sight. At the loud sound of the compartment door opening, all four heads turn in Rocky’s direction and Rocky pulls out his wand quickly.

Judging by their young, pudgy faces, they were probably second or third years. Nothing Rocky couldn’t take on with the amount of curses he knew.

“Get the bloody hell out of here you scum.” He warns in a threatening voice, glaring at the three boys with as much hatred as he can. If there was one thing Rocky hated the most in the world, it was bullies.

“I know more curses than the three of you put together and you don’t want me to spit out any.” Rocky says in a low tone.

The shortest of the three tries to puff out his chest, “As if we can’t defend ourselves!”

Rocky chuckles with a smirk, “Oh I would love to hex the Merlin out of all of you,” he flexes his arm muscle for good measure and chortles silently when the boys’ eyes widen, “But I also know your Head Boy wouldn’t hesitate to punish you three.”

That shuts them up.

“MJ?” One of them whispers. Rocky stares unnervingly at them, and they take it as assent.

“Let’s go. It’s not worth it,” Their ringleader says, before giving Rocky a dirty look and scrambling out of the compartment with the other two scurrying right after.

Once Rocky’s sure that the coast is clear, he slowly walks up to the unmoving, lone boy curled in upon himself in his seat – face hidden from view.

“Hey, are you okay? Did they hurt you anywhere?” Rocky asks softly as he crouches down to what he assumes is the boy’s eye level, hesitantly bringing a hand out to touch the other’s shoulder.

In a fit of surprise and self-defense, the boy reacts by flinging his gangly arm out, accidentally smacking Rocky on the cheek.

“Ow!”

Rocky holds his cheek with a wince, mouth opening to berate the other but when the boy lifts his head and looks up at Rocky with big, blinking eyes, all forms of castigation die on the Hufflepuff’s tongue.

“Sorry!” The other boy squeaks out, leaning forward to place his slender fingers on Rocky’s cheek, his fluffy blonde hair showing now that the hood of his robes has fallen off. Rocky freezes and lets the other prod his cheeks, mouth running a slur of apologies. Instead of saying anything, he stares at the boy and notices cute freckles splayed across the other’s slowly pinking cheeks…

And braces, now that Rocky’s staring at the stilled boy’s lips.

“Uh…are you okay?” The boy says, looking at Rocky oddly, fidgeting a bit under Rocky’s unnerving stare. He takes back his hands and Rocky instantly breaks out of his weird trance. He coughs.

“S-sorry about that. Did they hurt you?” He asks, placing the back of his hand against his warm cheeks and wondering why his heart was beating faster than usual.

“Not too much. They didn’t do any real damage until you came in.” The boy says, giving Rocky a curious look, “But what’s a Head Boy and why are your robes different from the others?”

The question catches Rocky off guard and he peers back at the other, “What are you saying?”

“Oh! I’m Yoon Sanha, a transfer student into the fifth year. Nice to meet you!” Sanha grins, braces gleaming as much as his bright smile and a hand outstretched in greeting.

Rocky takes his hand, “Park Minhyuk but just call me Rocky. Where have you been if not at Hogwarts?”

Sanha quirks his lips in thoughtfulness, “My parents weren’t so keen about sending me to a magic school and kept trying to refuse the letters that clogged up our chimney.” The lanky boy lets out a laugh and Rocky swears it’s the cutest giggle he has ever heard (forget what Eunwoo says about Moonbin’s loud and ‘adorably’ boyish laugh).

“But because I’m really clumsy, I kept getting into inexplicable situations to the point that my parents ended up sending me to this semi-magic academy. It was close to home and I was with other people who didn’t come from magical families.”

Rocky bites back the term Muggleborn and instead nods his head, “So is that why you couldn’t defend yourself?” He tilts his head towards the wand lying forgotten by Sanha’s side but Sanha shakes his head.

“No, like I said, I’m clumsy and my aiming is bad. I was afraid I would cause them more harm than they did to me so I didn’t bother trying. I mean I was just going to kick them with my long legs but then you came in.”

The toothy grin Sanha gives him makes Rocky’s tummy feel funny but he blames it on the lack of sweets that Moonbin was supposed to have delivered to him a half hour ago.

“Hey if they ever bother you again, just let me know okay?” Rocky says getting to his feet. The weird feelings he gets from being in the same space as Sanha makes Rocky want to take a few steps back.

“Wait!” Sanha leans forward and grabs Rocky’s arm in surprise, “You never told me about the robes and Head Boy thing.”

Rocky lets himself get dragged into the seat right next to Sanha, forget about all the open space right across the curly-haired boy.

He sighs at his predicament.

“Head Boy is a term you’ll soon learn about at Hogwarts. But I happen to be friends with the Slytherin Head Boy and he’s really nice although he tries to be intimidating. And the robes stand for the different houses. I’m in Hufflepuff so mine is yellow. You can guess that the green is for Slytherins. But not all Slytherins are bad people. I have a friend who is in Gryffindor – which is red – who’s practically in love with a Sly-”

Rocky stops mid-sentence, wondering why he’s telling Sanha personal things. Sanha gives him a confused nod, and Rocky blushes because it looks way too darn cute.

“Sorry, can’t reveal that. My friend will kill me.” Rocky mutters, embarrassed by his words and getting up to leave.

“Hufflepuff sounds cool though! And that’s cute, what you said about your friend,” Sanha says with a cheerful voice.

Rocky chances a smile because Sanha’s energy is infectious, “I have to go. Will you be okay on your own?”

Sanha pouts and Rocky actually has to look away for a second because his heart did a flip.

“Of course! I don’t have these long limbs for nothing!” He says with a confident tone, waving his robed arms. Rocky has to stifle a laugh as he stalls by the door.

“And Rocky, I hope I end up in Hufflepuff with you!” Sanha says and Rocky doesn’t respond, only ducking his head to hide his warm cheeks before existing the compartment. He hears a cheerful bye behind the door as he hurries away from Sanha’s presence.

By the time he runs back to his compartment with his hair astray and cheeks slightly burning, Moonbin’s already seated with Eunwoo beside him, the two innocently sharing a box of Bernie Bott’s Every Flavour jelly beans and staring at Rocky’s rushed entrance with wide eyes.

“Where did you run from?” Moonbin asks bluntly, all earlier embarrassment thrown out the window.

Rocky coughs as he sits down next to his stash of cauldron cakes and pumpkin pastries, patting down his hair.

“Fought a couple of bullies from Sanha.” He minces his words and promptly looks for a licorice wand in his pile of sweets to chew on, avoiding Eunwoo’s gaze.

“I’ve heard about him. Yoon Sanha?” Eunwoo remarks thoughtfully, nibbling on a chocolate frog. Rocky pretends not to gag when he hears Moonbin mumble “you have some chocolate on your cheek” and lean forward to gently wipe it off Eunwoo’s red cheeks with his thumb.

“Yeah, what do you know about him?” Rocky gives his full attention to Eunwoo who’s blushing as much as Moonbin from the Gryffindor’s earlier action.

“He’s a Muggleborn whose family didn’t want him to get involved in magic. Took them four years to keep him at their local academy but now that his magic is growing stronger and he has minimal control, he’s been forced to attend Hogwarts.” The Ravenclaw says in practiced speech. Moonbin stares at him in wonder.

“I have this uneasy feeling. Can you make sure to watch out for him, Eunwoo? Ask MJ too if you see him before I do.” Rocky ignores Moonbin’s pointed look.

“Why do you care? Is that why your cheeks were practically on fire when you walked in?” Moonbin squints at Rocky.

“It’s nothing. I met him and he’s too cheerful, too innocent.” Rocky mutters. His eyes widen when he realizes what he says because Moonbin’s giving him a knowing smirk.

“Shut your mouth Moonbin. I saw what you were doing earlier with Eunwoo, don’t think you can get away with that.” Rocky retorts, sticking out his tongue at the blushing duo.

He tunes out Eunwoo’s hurried explanation and Moonbin’s waving arms as he picks up a pumpkin pastry. Hopefully the next time he sees Sanha, he’ll be more composed and find out why his body reacts weirdly to the other boy.

  —-

The Great Hall never fails to elicit a gasp. Looming glass windows covered in rich drapery, candles that float to cast a soft glow on the occupants, the din and chatter filling the room as telling signs of home, but most of all – the tables stuffed to the edge with plates of recently-made food. Rocky doesn’t heed Moonbin’s farewell as the two separate, with Moonbin walking to the Gryffindor table after dropping off Eunwoo with the Ravenclaw prefects; he was starving, especially because Moonbin had ate most of the snacks on the train ride and preferred feeding them to Eunwoo than giving them to Rocky, to which Rocky gave the couple-not-couple a stink eye.

He’s halfway through his plate of roast beef and mashed potatoes when the Headmaster clinks his glass and with twinkling eyes, welcomes everyone to another year at Hogwarts. Rocky only listens half-heartedly to the speech, instead recalling curly, blond hair and innocent, brown eyes. He shakes his head out of his stupor and glances over to the Sorting Hat ceremony, half-listening to the individual declarations, half-tuning in to the conversations of his dorm mates. When a familiar, tall boy makes his way to the stool, Rocky by instinct ducks his head. He almost knocks over his goblet of pumpkin juice and his seat neighbor, Inseong grumbles.

“A willingness to help others. Determined. Thoughtful. Not exactly lacking in the brains department though you have a knack for saying silly things.” The Sorting Hat contemplates out loud, voice filling the Great Hall.

There’s a giggle and it floats straight into Rocky’s ear.

“But filled with innocence and joy for life. We both know where you belong…Hufflepuff!”

Rocky scarcely has the change to take a breath when he hears a familiar voice and eyes directed straight at him, as someone walks towards his spot at the table, taking the empty seat right next to him.

“Guess it was fate huh?”

 –unfinished–

Jonsa S7 Summer Challenge Day 1: Travel

Summary: Jon is a veteran here, suffering from PTSD. He’s gotten to know Sansa, his upstairs neighbor, in the apartment building in Milwaukee where they both live. They’ve grown closer over the past several months, and they’re in a relationship now. But Sansa’s plans for celebrating July 4th terrify Jon, and he’s ashamed of how he feels.

Trigger Warnings: Memories of Character death (Satin), flashbacks, warfare, explosions, blood, PTSD symptoms. I have experience with PTSD, but not with military service. I did some basic research and talked to some friends in the military, so I hope the details aren’t too off. For all of you who’ve served, you have my deep and unending gratitude. 

A/N: For @zip00198704 whose jonsa fic If Loving You is Wrong was part of this inspiration for this story. 

***

Sansa had a flyer in her hand. She handed it to him as she stirred the turkey bean soup. The kitchen was filled with the aroma of rosemary and thyme.

Jon’s stomach dropped. Fireworks on the lakefront, a week from now.

“We could make a night out of it, I thought. Maybe even go away for the weekend afterwards.” She tasted the soup and held it out for him to try.

“Fireworks are my favorite, I love sparkly things, if that wasn’t already obvious from the shower curtain.”

Jon had to smile, even through the dread tightening in his stomach. Sansa’s white curtain threaded through with iridescent sequins was quite a – what had Margaery called it the last time she’d been over for dinner? Statement piece.

Sansa put the spoon back.

“Jon, you’re pale. What’s wrong?”

Read more below or continue on AO3

He hated that he had to tell her. “I don’t think I can, Sansa I – I have trouble, with fireworks.”

Sansa’s eyes softened. “That first night we spent together, during the blackout. It was hard for you, when the power came back on, and the music started blasting.”

Jon nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“Hey, Bruno Mars isn’t for everyone.” She threw her arms around his neck. He’d seen her face fall, though, before she hugged him.  

They’d been dating for about two months now, and Jon knew Sansa wanted to take a trip with him. She’d mentioned it more than once.

July 4th, though, wasn’t going to happen.  

“I’m sorry, Sansa. I wish I could share it with you.”

Sansa shrugged. “It’s all right. Margaery will come, she’s looking for an excuse to take Oberyn somewhere for a weekend anyway.”

Jon caught her hand and kissed her fingertips. She flushed.

“Jon, I have to finish cooking.” She was still holding on to him. He cupped her cheek and kissed her, waiting the whole time for it to happen again. The tension that went though her body. She’d flinched, once, when he’d slid his hand under her shirt, and he’d stopped, right away.

Sure enough, she pulled back. “Wait, the soup!”

She was smiling, but there were tiny lines at the corner of her eyes.

He brushed her hair from her forehead. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it, the night she’d drawn away from him. She’d waved it off as “just nerves.” But when he’d kissed her forehead and told her it was fine, they could wait, he’d seen relief along with disappointment in her eyes.

Tonight he kissed her cheek. “Do you need help? With the soup?”

She smiled. “Sure. Ready to do some chopping?”

They lined up next to each other. Sansa teased him about his cooking skills, but when he’d told her he really wanted to learn, she’d taken him seriously. By the time the soup was done, Sansa was yawning. Jon told he’d clean up. She smiled at him before she went to take a bath.

Jon was packing the soup into Tupperware for her to take to the clinic for lunch. Sansa came out in her pink fluffy robe. She looked flushed and relaxed. Jon tried not to concentrate on the fact that she was naked underneath that tie.

“It’s awesome, you know.”

“What is?”

“Having my own kitchen boy.”

“I aim to please.”

Sansa kissed him on the cheek before he left. Jon felt warmth spread though his whole body. He wanted to turn his head and catch her in a real kiss. But until she invited him, he wasn’t going to push her. She meant too much to him for that.

***

He’d gotten Sansa to understand he had to be alone on July 4th. It wasn’t only the big day that caused Jon trouble, though. The pounding headaches he got were clustered closer together as the holiday got nearer.

The large fireworks displays were usually fine. They were scheduled, and he expected the noise. He could handle that, alone. Though he couldn’t have taken Sansa, and shown her a good time.

But people in Milwaukee seemed determined to start partying at the end of June. Soon Jon couldn’t predict when he’d have to fight to keep from startling, as another backyard barbecue warmed up.

Tonight had been too much, with celebrations popping, crackling and booming throughout the neighborhood. His nerves were shot by 9 pm.

He went back to his apartment as quickly as he could after classes and bolted the door shut. He drew the blinds closed. The sick fear in his gut told him it was only a matter of time.

Sansa texted him. He couldn’t answer. All his senses were on hyper alert, and he wasn’t fit company for anyone, least of all her.

He’d hoped these days were gone. 

But ghosts came to haunt you when they chose. They came on holidays and celebrations, when spirits were high and the world was bright. They had their own agendas and vendettas, and didn’t leave until they got what they came for, ripping at you the whole time.

His ghosts were here now.

He saw text after text from her. Finally he turned his phone off. He felt awful as he tossed it across the room. He was the one who’d opened up, and asked for more. Now – now he wasn’t sure he could do it.

He had to shut her out. He had to. Because a sniveling, craven boy was not what she needed. Someone who cried as his friend bled out onto the sand was not what she needed.

I’m damaged. Torn up. Broken inside like a clock that won’t tick.

The crash of fireworks was coming from all sides. He got onto his mattress and pressed his back to the wall. That helped, and his heart rate started to slow. Until the largest set of fireworks yet started and he covered his head instinctively.

Another explosion went off and it was an IED he heard. All the miles and months between him and Afghanistan evaporated in an instant and he was back, it was happening, it had never stopped happened, he’s howling at Satin to get down, get down for god’s sake you’re too far out!

He could taste the gunpowder in the air and feel the shock of the landmines exploding at random and hear the screams of wounded men, and Satin would be next.

Satin’s out ahead because he’s quick and quiet and a good scout but he’s too ambitious, too confident, and he only throws a smile over his shoulder when Jon yells and Jon’s heart sinks.

Satin takes another step forward and the boom of the landmine shatters the air. Jon knows, deep in the pit of his stomach, after his lungs stop burning from racing to Satin’s side, that Satin is already gone.

His leg’s blown off at the knee and the foam on his mouth is flecked with blood. Satin wheezes as he struggles to breathe, and part of his chest is caved in.

“Easy Satin easy, you’re all right, just take it slow.”

Satin shakes his head and coughs. Blood spatters on his uniform. Satin, who cheats at cards and loves licorice and never once shies away from ranging ahead, never.

“I’m done, and we both know it, Snow. We both know it.”

Jon cradles the back of his head. “You’re not going anywhere you’re”

– BOOM

He ducks as the sand pelts his back. He has to turn around, assess the damage, keep him men moving. But he can’t look, can’t find out, because Satin’s there in front of him, and Satin is dying.      

“You’re coming home with us, Satin, you are,” and now Jon’s pleading with Satin, to stay with him. He takes Satin’s hand.

Satin gives him a weary half-smile. “It’s all right Jon, it’s over for me. Keep going. Keep going.” He squeezes Jon’s hand, once, before his eyes slid shut, and then he’s a heavy weight in Jon’s arms, nothing more.

Jon was rocking back and forth, feeling each new blast in his bones.

There was no rhyme or reason to it, why some men would make it through till morning and others would drop to the ground bleeding and broken. Crying out for their mothers. That was something they didn’t tell you in basic training. How men would often turn into boys, and beg for comfort in their last moments.

Satin hadn’t, though. Jon had begged him for comfort, and Satin had given it to him. It was one of his deepest moments of shame, that he’d cried while Satin died, that Satin had tried to ease Jon’s pain as the sand was stained with red.

Now Satin was gone, and Jon was left, and he didn’t know why he’d been spared.

What would you think, Satin if you could see me now? Hiding in my room like a coward?

He only heard the insistent pounding on the door when there was a lull in the fireworks.

“Jon. Let me in.” It was Sansa, sounding more serious than she ever had.

He was glued to the mattress with his head down. She was going to keep knocking, and he was going to keep sitting where he was, because the distance between him and the door was covered with sand and blood and gore, and he didn’t have the strength to cross it.

Coward.

“Jon, please.”

It was the sob in her voice that made him stand up. He was shaky on his feet, disoriented.  He almost sat down and curled up again when he heard another blast. Satin was back, but it wasn’t Satin’s face he saw. He heard Satin’s last words.

Keep going.

He’d made it, and Satin hadn’t, and it wouldn’t mean a damn thing if he couldn’t live the life he’d been given when he was spared.

So he took one step, and then another. The ten feet between him and the door felt like ten miles.  He held on to the doorknob for a long time. He pressed his forehead to the cool surface of the door. He could still hear Sansa pleading with him on the other side.

Do it, Snow.

Whether that was his voice or Satin’s, he’d never know, but he turned the knob all the same.  

As he looked into her blue eyes he felt the shell around him crack. He was out again, raw and exposed but out, out of the nightmare that never stopped. She was the one who saved him, the one who tethered him to the world and he loved her for it, even when he was screaming inside for her to stop.

He could tell she’d been crying and that tore at his heart, just like the ghosts had. But she was real, and alive. With her next to him it was a little easier for him to breathe.

“It’s the fireworks, isn’t it? The ones that go off at random?”

He still wanted to deny it. But he was too tired and she was too close. He needed her, needed her care and her comfort.

“Yes.”

She stepped in and held him.

“I’ll take you away, Jon, somewhere that’s sound-proofed, somewhere–“

“Hush, Sansa, you can’t, it’s all right.”

She looked up at him. Her cheeks were splotched with red. “But I have to! I have to be able to help you or what good am I to you?”

“You can’t fix this. But you’ve already helped me, Sansa. So much. So many ways, beautiful girl. These are days I have to go through by myself.”

She didn’t like it. She didn’t like it at all. But she left him, finally, after holding him tight. He was sad to see her go. He was also a tiny bit relieved. She’d be off, soon, for the long weekend, and he wouldn’t have another chance to disappoint her.

***

She knocked on his door again the next morning.

“We’re going to Hayes State Park in Michigan for the weekend. I looked it up online, they’re far away from big fireworks displays, and they only allow sparklers.” Her chin was high and set.

He sighed heavily. “Sansa–“

“I know, Jon, I know, I can’t fix you with a camping trip, or a state park, or a pair of headphones. I know that, don’t you understand? But I’m asking if I can help you, even just a little bit. I’m asking you to try to let me in.”

Come with me, she was saying. Be brave enough to try.

He paused. “Sansa, I might still get–“

She shook her head. “I don’t need you to be perfect, Jon. But if we’re going to be together, you have to let me see the parts of you that you want to hide away. You have to meet me halfway.”

Her hands were trembling. He realized, slowly, much more slowly than he should have, that he was at risk of losing her if he said no.

He swallowed.

Keep going.

“All right, Sansa. You – you deserve someone better than this.”

Sansa took his hand. “You’re the someone I want, Jon. Take this vacation with me. You won’t have to write letters this time, because I’ll be there.”

He’d told her that he wanted to share stories with her. That he wanted the two of them to go on adventures.

He gathered up his courage. He took a deep, slow breath.

“Well, I do have a lot of camping stuff. Should we figure out what to pack?”

She squeezed his hand, and smiled. “I figured the guy who kept a blackout toolkit would be a good bet for camping gear.”

The sun would be high this weekend, and the world would be bright.

He could stay by her side, ghosts or no ghosts.

He gave her the best smile he could manage.

“You bet right.”

Under Every City Light

Pairing: Y/N/Luke

Rating: PG-All

Request: No

Words: 4.500+

Summary: This one is fully inspired by the lyrics from “Beside You.” I was going through old songs and this one will always be a favorite. This is basically about the first night of being alone after he has left for tour and how they only wish for one thing, to be with each other again. 

“That’s not the right chord.”

Luke’s eyes glared tiredly at the acoustic guitar in his lap, his usual sweet escape, his usual getaway when things would be getting too hard. 

The sound kept being wrong and he couldn’t figure out the mistake. It was as it said on his paper and unless John had made a mistake he would have been too tired to see what he was doing.

Maybe it was the best if he just let go of the guitar and soothed out some sleep. He had been awake for over 24 hours, switched between three flights and a bus with less air than the earth produced outside. 

But every time he looked over at the bed with an empty spot next to him it was like a piece of his heart was ripped out of his chest. 

The carpet underneath his bare feet was soft and cuddly, it could almost compare to a blanket. But by every step he took and assumed he would create heat he felt nothing else but coldness around him. 

His hair was tousled when he looked into the mirror above the dresser and placed his acoustic guitar back in its case. The red velvet almost made sure to take care of the fragile thing, he never liked taking it anywhere but he had to. 

It was as if it was the only thing he could carry around that reminded him of home. 

He still hadn’t packed out his clothes yet, the drawers in the dresser were empty. He knew he would stay here for over two weeks, it wasn’t as if he was leaving right away but he felt if he really did pack out it would be a reminder that he wouldn’t be home for a long time.

The passport and plane tickets were scattered on the small dinner table in a huge mess just like his wallet and the rest of his stuff from his travel bag. It included such things as headphones, papers, and too many guitar plectrums. 

He wanted to clean up his mess but wasn’t the slightest motivated.

The TV had been going on for a while. He had watched a bit How I Met Your Mother from the free Netflix that was offered from the hotel. It was a nice feeling; it reminded him of the many old laughs coming from the living room. 

The clock was striking past 3AM but with the time zones and his busy schedule he barely had the time to think straight.

He knew he was supposed to wake up at 7 for sessions with John and Michael, they had this new song coming up and Luke had promised to be well rested and prepared.

Not that they wanted to judge him. They knew he had just arrived hours ago with his flight and the jet lag was ready to kill. He would have thought he would have gotten too used to it with all his travels but no matter how many times he went through it Luke couldn’t kill time and the lack of sleep. 

With his eyes so tired and his voice rough from lacking hours of rest he could barely sing, he could barely read what was on the papers. 

It couldn’t compare to English but Latin and with John’s messy ink hand writing it wasn’t helping his struggles. They could have been in German and Luke would have understood more from that than he did right now.

He had promised to prepare by reading the stuff through and being able to play it on guitar.

Usually it wasn’t a problem, he was a quick learner and by once glance he could easily learn something. It was why he had benefits in school and not just because his mother was a math teacher but also because he had attachment to everything he walked past. 

But this didn’t make sense to him at all. Maybe it was the easiest chords to date but Luke was too tired to care so he settled with giving up.

The first day after leaving home was always the worst one. 

He still had the guitar plectrum between his lips and his tall frame leaned down to open his suitcase in search for a few tea bags. He could have easily bought the ones down by the store a few streets away from the hotel but he wanted them to be the right ones.

He loved the taste of licorice it brought so many memories to his mind. It gave him the feeling of the ocean blue and the beige sand between his toes and fingers by the porch of the beach house. 

Maybe he had brought too many boxes with tea but it was like an addiction and now with being so far away from everything he saw as his normally daily life he needed something to bring him back.

The hotel didn’t have any water boiler so he settled with the hard solution and grabbed a pot from one of the white cupboards. So much he would do just for a small sip of delightful flavors. 

He could hear the commercials on the TV screen behind him but he didn’t want to turn it off. He had no idea what would be shown seconds later but he needed the background noises.

It filled out the silence. 

He remembered the first time he had accidentally opened one of the tea bags instead of leaving them as they were and filled the cup up with water. It was a mistake on a hungover morning but one of the funniest things he had ever done. 

Her reaction was the best about the whole thing. At first he had been confused to what he had done but once realizing he had spilled tea crumbles all over the marble kitchen counter he laughed quietly.

He would have done it twenty times more just to hear her laugh again.

After putting the water to boil he looked over his shoulder and sighed softly. 

He had made sure to have a small picture frame stand by the night frame. He always carried it around when being on tour, not that he didn’t have 500 pictures in his folders on his phone. 

But it was something different because it was also the one he had standing on his nightstand at home. It made it less uncomfortable especially when he went from places to places with the miss growing bigger and bigger. 

He had tried his best to bring everything along that reminded him of home. It was something he hoped would make him feel better.

Because, the thought of not being beside Y/N all the time left him weak and breathless. 

Y/N sighed softly by the sight in front of her. She kept on adding the plates, pots, and she felt that she sooner than later would be drowned in the pile of dirty dishwashing. 

A day had barely passed by before she had ruined the first thing. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen, she had been taught how to use the new machine they had just bought but by pressing one wrong button it was a point of no return and she couldn’t fix it. 

The radio playing soft Friday’s hits mixed with remixes was filling out the silence in the otherwise large kitchen. She supposed it was Ed Sheeran but because of the water constantly running she wasn’t sure. 

She was tired and just wanted to go to bed but she avoided it. The thought of doing it alone was somehow common but scary. 

As she looked out of the kitchen windows where the white vertical blinds were colored up by the various colors coming from the sun she noticed a bit of soap that had appeared on her nose. 

Gently leaning over to take a napkin she used it to remove it and looked down at the dirty water. 

“Should I do it?” The question was said out loud but she wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be answered.

She glanced over her shoulder with teeth digging onto her bottom lip, looking at the home phone where the red button kept blinking. It spoiled an unheard voice mail, something she had been avoiding listening to for the past hours. 

It was a tempting choice because right now in that exact moment she hadn’t been feeling this alone since he left. 

“Hey gorgeous, it’s me.” 

The words stung like a bee once she pressed onto the waiting button and felt how her heart was starting to beat harder.

“I’m sure you’re waiting until the last minute to listen to this message but I just wanted to give you a quick hello. I’m currently on my way to the gate and less than 20 minutes from now I will have to turn my phone off.” 

His voice was so familiar it almost felt like he was there. But as she looked to her right with the smallest hope of seeing his face she was only met by the sad reflection of hers in the kitchen windows. 

“I know this is gonna be hard but I just want to remind you one thing. It’s simple, it’s something that’s constantly repeated but by every time I say it, it gets bigger meaning.”

She exhaled a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair trying to calm her racing heart down. The first day was always the hardest they would say. 

It made her lose her breath. 

“I love you.” 

The words were more familiar than ever she had to gently touch her cheek to pinch herself from believing he was there. Everything about that voice mail was both the best and the worst feeling she could possibly get. 

“I love you too.” She whispered back and pressed on the button not wanting to repeat the voice mail.

She knew she couldn’t just be standing by the coffee table listening to the voice mail over and over again. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. She had to remember it would be a quick goodbye and an even faster hello. 

It was with a bored glance she looked back at the dirty dishes.

She knew she would regret it in the morning by being woken up by the sight of that but use just couldn’t stand there any longer. Her legs had turned into jelly and she needed a break to rest. 

With direction towards the stairs she dragged tired body up until the master bedroom and opened the door. 

The remaining clothes of his that he hadn’t decided to bring along on tour was scattered in his dresser, closet, and on the floor. In the stress of packing he didn’t have the time to put it all back into place. 

He had joked saying that it could be something to keep her entertained but she didn’t dare to remove any of it.

Not that she was a fan of a mess, it was the complete opposite. He knew if he left used coffee cups by his nightstand or if he wouldn’t put his plate in the dish washer after eating late night snacks she would scold at him. 

Not in the angry way but in the typical girlfriend way. She was right after all. 

But this mess was different. She needed it to be there to have that last remaining piece of him. The pictures weren’t just enough, by having his scattered clothes to trip over she could still imagine he was there. 

She always needed him to never not be there. 

Deciding to take the nearest tee sprawled on the floor she held it close and searched for his cologne. 

It was something she had requested it was what she noticed right after he had left. He knew she would be miserable and to show that he always thought of her and understood her struggle, he left his cologne. 

It was the same as everything else and it meant so much. Even the simplest spray could be enough to satisfy her for as long as it lasted. She had also sprayed over their bed to make sure the feeling of him would always be there.

She had mixed emotions after changing her shirt into his and she glanced over at the full body mirror. 

It was too long for her, he was a tall guy after all and it was proved when she was wearing his clothes. At least it didn’t have sleeves and she folded up the end of the t-shirt to make it fit better. It was her favorite shirt of his, he was aware.

It was the reason why he had left it behind.

For days like these to remind her that the feeling of home was still there. She always wore his clothes but when he wasn’t there it was extra special. Almost like a secure blanket. 

After spraying the cologne over the black fabric she took one last glance at the mirror with a sigh. 

Hanging by the edges of it were lame polariods she had printed out from their computer in the living room. The quality was horrible but it didn’t matter the slightest because one thing meant for sure.

Even in the ugliest frames they were always best with each other. 

The cup was warm between his hands and the steam coming from the hot liquid made his nostrils flutter. He loved the smell, it had something different to it and the flavor was even better.

He tiptoed away from the kitchen after finishing with his tea bag and threw it into the trashcan. For once he had made a fantastic example but nobody was there to witness. 

Small lyrics from several of his songs came from his lips as he took the walk from the kitchen and back to his bed where the TV was still going on.

He didn’t pay attention to what was going on, it was something he had seen before but it was quickly removed and he zapped through to find a channel that was more appropriate to use as background noises. 

Once settling with something random that was less noisy as the other thing he throw the remote to the mattress and saw it bounce twice to the sheets. He stood for a minute processing his thoughts before he looked towards the windows to his balcony and took a look around. 

The tea was hot on his tongue and he was prepared. It wasn’t the first time he had burned himself on the tea whether it was on the hand or in the mouth.

Usually it would be followed by a laugh and a quick ‘Here let me help you with that’. He hated being the helpless guy but with his clumsy attitude it almost couldn’t be avoided. 

Besides the attention was better than nothing. He didn’t even want to react over the burn, he just kept on drinking and let the flavors explore his mouth. 

The city nights were beautiful but almost faint by the early mornings. The stars were barely able to be seen and if he looked closely he could also see his reflection again. 

At moments like these it was where all the thoughts were considered over and over. 

He thought back to the moment where they departed. They had both agreed that she would stay at home, sometimes being at the airport was too crowded, people lacked respect and they wouldn’t get a proper moment to say goodbye.

Not that it was any easier doing it right at the front door. It was almost worse, to witness that she would be staying there for the next couple of months, alone.

He didn’t know what to say, there was never a proper goodbye to it. They always tried to stay as silent as possible to not make the situation worse. They both knew what was about to come and being so close to each other was almost like reading the other’s mind. 

The kiss was what meant the most. It was where he could express everything he couldn’t in the silent words that were fumbled around and not said properly like he wanted to.

To have that final moment where he could just pull her as close as possible and kiss her with all the love he had in him. That was the proper way of saying a long goodbye. 

Her words was the hardest, he knew that deep inside she didn’t want him to go.

With a short look in his phone he used the math and tried to figure out what time it was. He didn’t want to FaceTime her, it was almost as painful as nothing because just the voice of hers could make him break down.

She was probably sleeping he would assume. But on the other hand he was also aware that without him by her side she was a sleepless wreck, staying up longer than intended and kicked away her sleeping schedule. 

He couldn’t blame her. He was having a hard time himself trying to do anything he could by shutting his eyes but he knew it was pointless. 

It was the reason why he hadn’t tried or gone to bed yet. 

Opening the doors to the balcony he was overwhelmed by the feeling of lukewarm wind. It wasn’t cold but fresh and he could hear a few birds tweet from a few balconies away from his. 

He leaned over the rack with his tea in his hand and took a silent look over the buildings. 

If he looked closely he was able to see an airplane in the distance making the typical wave of skies behind it, being like a little star on the dark skies.

He wanted nothing else but to wish he could be on it, fly all the way back to Sydney and right back in the bed where he belonged. 

He loved touring, he loved everything about it but the thought of her sleeping alone without someone to cuddle, without someone to hold her close and tell her that he would always be by her side was killing him inside. 

He knew that tomorrow would be another day, it would be one step closer to the final point but he didn’t want to look it like that. 

His heart was arching to come home. 

It was with a confusion written on her face Y/N noticed the note placed on the kitchen counter. She was in a search for an unused water bottle to fill up to prepare for going to bed but the hand writing was so familiar it was completely forgotten. 

“In case of emergency you can fix the new dish washer by pressing reset or plug it out of the outlet. - L :-)” 

The confused face only grew bigger when taking a look towards the mess of a kitchen she had and looked down at the dish washer as if it was shining. 

“Oh my god…” The words were almost in a whisper and she read the note over again just to imagine the sound of his voice again.

His hand writing was so iconic it was almost hard to read what he was trying to say. Not to mention that his hearts looked weird, they were barely recognizable but she had grown to love them. 

Hurrying towards the dish washer still with the note in her hand she leaned down to find the reset button and waited seconds later.

Either he wanted to mess with her or he did in fact know that she was gonna end up ruining it already. It just showed how much he knew her and how much he was prepared for everything to happen now that he wasn’t there to fix her mistakes. 

Leaning over to grab the dishes after she assumed she had fixed it she hurried to clean up the mess.

It was times like these she missed. Not standing and doing the dishes because it was the most boring thing to date. But he always seemed to make it into something fun, that was the amazing person he was.

He shared joy no matter what room he walked into, he always made sure to put a smile on his face. Not because it was his ‘job’ or because he felt obligated to it by being her boyfriend.

He did it because it was the thing he enjoyed the most in the world. 

And with such happiness in life when it was suddenly taken away temporary it was like a piece of her was completely gone. Like it was hiding in a box that she wasn’t able to open. 

“Done.” She spoke to herself in almost disbelief seeing all the pots and plates being gone and leaned over to take the cloth to clean droplets of water. 

She could have easily gone to a party trying to take her mind off or do something else. But she didn’t want to. The first days were something she wanted to recover, she had to get used to him not being around all the time. 

It almost felt as giving up. It wasn’t the first time she had gone through this whether it was two weeks, 2 months or half a year.

All distances were harsh, time zones were killer but she tried to remain positive, smiling when she saw his Instagram stories or when she shared her snapchats. She also knew he was well aware of what she was doing too, commenting on a few pictures when she shared them here and there. 

The yawn was pressed out of her lips and she knew that even as she tried to fight the sleep it was the only thing she needed.

Leaning over to stop the radio the silence almost scared her. She didn’t like it, she was used to sounds coming from him whether he was walking around whistling as he prepared for bed or if he was out at the bathroom making noises. 

Oh how she just wished she could run out and take the next cab to the airport. 

It was with a huge sigh she entered the bedroom again but it was as if it had gotten a different aura than last time.

This time it wasn’t just to pick a shirt. It was to actually go to bed, a place she always saw as her most comfortable zone. 

She had been brushing her teeth alone without him to “accidentally” nudge his elbow into her arm and when she thought about it no matter how many times she scolded at him she just needed it right now. 

The sheets were cold and without his radiating heat it would never become as cozy and warm as he would do it. 

She was sure he was feeling just the same as her. 

On the other side of the planet thinking the exact same thoughts because they were so drawn to each other soul mates wasn’t even the right term. 

Luke yawned tiredly after placing the cup of tea on the nightstand next to his bed. 

He hadn’t finished it there were still ¼ of the cup left but he decided to leave it as it was Thoughts had tired him down completely and even if he didn’t want to he forced his way over to the bed. 

The smell of new cleaned sheets filled his nose after he had turned off the TV and crawled under the white wonders. But it was nothing how he liked it. 

At home they would smell a mix of many things. They had the familiar smell of her perfume mixed in with his cologne and a little bit of sweat from them both. Usually it wasn’t a smell that would be missed but he felt he needed it right now. 

He gently sat on the bed and threw his shirt over his head, looking down at the mess of his scattered clothes. 

She probably missed that the most, he thought.

The only sound aloud was the beat of his heart. It was vibrating out of his chest, he could feel it tinkling in his legs and how his head was suddenly pounding by the feeling. 

He barely wanted to look to the side to not see her around. Her hair tousled in front of her face and her lips parted as she was slowly falling asleep on the top of his arm. 

Moving around in the bed he took off his necklace and placed it right next to the picture. And even with such distance apart he could feel his heart calm down and heat up by the smile of hers. 

He knew that his sleep was needed and he was also so insanely tired it wouldn’t be long.

Looking out of the windows the stars had been replaced by the warm strong colors of the sun. The sky had turned into and orange and red ocean, and if he looked closely he could see the sunrise about to start. 

He looked back at the ceiling and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. His eyes were tired and his hair was sticking to every direction possible but the last remaining thoughts of her were still keeping him up.

They were so close yet so far away. 

“I miss you, Y/N.” He sighed softly to himself and closed his eyes in hope of seeing her face again. 

Leaning over to grab his pillow on his side of the bed she embraced it hard to her chest and took in the smell. 

It was better than nothing, it smelled like him and when he wasn’t there it was the thing she cuddled the most. She needed his arms around her, she needed that comforting thing he always did out of habit. 

She looked out of the windows where the last remaining bit of the sun was about to disappear behind the shadows of the palm trees. 

The sky was completely gorgeous, a mix of being warm honey colors but also turning dark because of the night ready to come. If she looked closely she was able to see the last remaining bit of the sun starting to hide below the horizon on the midnight blue ocean. 

It was with that she knew that sooner than later the sun would rise where he was and no matter how long the distance was, they would always fall asleep underneath the same sky. 

“I miss you, Luke.” She whispered again his pillow, thinking one last time how she just wished she could be beside him.

Survey #70

“so break me down if it makes you feel right.”

if you’re a girl, do you have big hips? too big? not really. when was the last time you had alcohol? what kind? yesterday. black cherry mike's hard lemonade. girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? some with sleeves, sure. do your parents treat you like you’re still a child? sometimes. what is the one stereotype people label you as most? i get emo a lot. i really don't care what stereotype i am. can people normally tell your mood, by your facial expression? yeah, honestly. i am SHIT at hiding my emotions. what are the initials of your last ex/ bf or gf? jar. how're you on this fine day? i'm at the tail end of a bad, bad, baaad panic attack. i went to bed crying last night and woke up a while ago; i couldn't sleep. i talked to my long-time friend jurro, who always has great advice to give me. they brought up the possibility of me having bpd (which has been brought up to me before), especially with my obvious favoritism towards jason. i read more about it, and i really think it's a liable diagnosis, and i guess that gave me some relief? i'm going to bring it up to my therapist, who i really need to see soon. describe the main problem with your last relationship? i've explained this so many times, yet i feel the need to keep fucking talking about it. the only real issue was jason not supporting me enough. by that i mean, he got tired of my depression. he didn't want to deal with it anymore. not that i blame him. i live with it and i don't want to deal with it anymore, but guess who can't leave it without destroying herself? if he truly gave a shit, it should've been the same for him. for so long, three and a half fucking years, he was there, and he did everything he could. then he just... snapped one day, i guess. so fucking sorry i'm too weak to make it on my own. what was the last thing that offended you? i'm not sure, honestly. probably something colleen said. what’s on your shower curtain? nothing. it's blank. what sounds do you hear? "alone i break" by korn is playing, and the tv's on. who was the newest addition to your family? ryder, my sister's son, is the newest, i believe. do you like muse? i like a few songs. "unnatural selection" is my SHIT. what was your first ever pet? we had a collie named trigger. she was a wonderful dog. have you ever been bit by an animal? never viciously, no. i remember once my lizard bit me when he was scared once (his light had been dead all day, so he was freezing), but it was barely even a nibble. i think i've told of the time my dog teddy bit towards me in a merely very "i'm warning you" type way. where is the person you miss the most right now? i would hope he's in bed asleep. how often do you take naps? every day, usually... typically after i'm up for an hour or less, i feel fucking exhausted and go back to sleep lol. are you planning any special outings with family or friends? not any "outings," but on saturday, the day before my birthday, mom and i are going to colleen's and i, for one, am getting drunk as fuck to forget some shit for a while. do you ever wear lipstick? what color(s) do you prefer? yes, i wear black, usually. what was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? smirnoff. it was okay. what’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? his silly smile melts my fucking heart. the last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone? "somebody, someone" by korn. and yeah. me. who was the last person to give you a hickey? only person to ever was jason. who was your high school’s most popular girl? that's debatable. idk. would you like to learn to play the harp? omg i always did as a child. what is the most drinks you’ve had in one night? was it five... maybe six? it was VERY weak alcohol, though. when is the last time you parked in a covered parking lot? probs when colleen, bradley, and i went to the beach last may. we had to drive through a great number of parking lots to find ONE spot. has a friend ever betrayed you? oh, you mean that time someone way more than a friend tried to lift me up, but only let go half-way in the effort? yeah. been there. is teenage pregnancy common in your area? eh, no less or more than other places, i guess. do you see the new year as a fresh start? no. do your parents own their house or is it rented? the house i live in with mom is rented. i'm almost positive dad's and kim's is owned. have you ever joined in a protest? if so, what against? no. it'd be a cold day in hell before something like a protest happened here in nc. do people ever complain that you’re too quiet? always. and i don't get why it's just that: a complaint. being quiet isn't a bad thing. do you know anyone that’s ever suffered from post natal depression? i have a friend who's suffering with it now. do you like black licorice? i don't like licorice period. do you sleep in your bra? fuck that. what would you do if someone smacked your butt? well, who's doing it and where are we? if it was jason, he'd get pinned against a damn wall while i kiss him. anyone else, with the mood i'm in, i'd slap the shit out of them. dog ever licked you down there? wHAT THE FUCK do you think you’ll be a MILF? lmao no. would you immediately look for someone right after you and your bf/gf broke up? if we were in a serious relationship, obviously not. i'd need to recover. do you sleep naked, or nearly so? no. i used to sleep without a shirt when i lived in the apartment because i was cooler, but for obvious reasons, i'm not comfortable doing that with my mother and little sister in this house. will you kiss the last person you kissed again? honestly, it'd be a dream come true. do you wish someone was dead? i wish i didn't. what is your dad’s name? kenneth, or just "ken" would you ever like to meet marilyn manson? debatable. he's one of my favorite artists, but from what i know of him, he's not a person i'd agree with on almost anything. what do you look like right now? i don't fucking know, a person?? a heavily depressed son of a bitch??? how many of your friends play world of warcraft? i did. i really don't know if i'll go back to it when i get my computer fixed. my friends sam, girt, and alex also play(ed). is your dad bald? he's not. do you remember the name of the first bar you ever went to? i've never been to a bar. have no plans to go to one, really. have you ever made a sex tape? no, and i never will. have you ever drank cough syrup to get high? no. have you ever felt yourself fainting? i have. would you ever own a rat? i've owned four: tezzeret, rhoka, rhett, and link. i may get another some day, but this time, from a breeder. would you or do you ever spank your kids?  NO. do you look pretty today? no. my eyes are red and watery, i haven't brushed my hair yet... do you feel you’re capable of being loved? no. if jason couldn't, no one can. have you ever felt lifeless? i have. many times. weirdest shit, to feel like that and still be perfectly alive. do you remember the first alcoholic drink you ever had? yeah. pink lemonade mike's hard. do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? i want jason, not necessarily anyone else. do you chew on your straws? no. do you plan on moving out within the next year? no, i don't. are you a forgiving person? too much so, usually... what is your all-time favorite romance movie? "the notebook" murders me every time. have you ever purchased condoms? i haven't, but jason bought them for us once. i got really close to leaving behind my abstinence once, and because of that, he said he did it just to be safe. we never used them, but it was a smart decision. have you ever had shower sex? no. i'm honestly not that into the idea. have you ever caught someone else watching porn? no. what size shoe are you? seven and a half, i think... have you ever sent a nude snapchat? no, i don't have a snapchat. what to you would the perfect life consist of? honestly, you could wipe out everything, and just give me jason. let us have one child to cherish beyond vocalization. and i would be happy. have you ever had a sexy skype chat? ha ha no, the only times i've ever chatted on skype with webcam was with jason, and we were ever only lazy bums in our pajamas... have you ever had a sexual gay experience?  i have not. have you ever shoplifted?  i have not. is there a guy who you can go to with no make-up on in sweatpants and bedhead and he couldn’t care less? girt, probably. jason, if he was still around. do you and your family pray before eating dinner? only on thanksgiving, really. what’s something you’ll always refuse to do? i mean, lots of things. i'd never have an abortion, get a divorce unless my spouse became violent/dangerous, various other things... what’s the best thing at mcdonald’s? i seriously like their cheeseburgers. would you ever get a tattoo of your favorite band or singer’s name? no. i plan on getting MANY lyrics tattooed on me, though. what’s your iood/mp3 player like? it's a super old, pink nano-type. it's way past its life expectancy. has a few scuffs and scratches here and there. do you own any form of a gameboy? i do; my sisters and i all had/have one. they don't all work anymore, though. what’s the best part about halloween? D E C O R A T I N G!!! do you have any pets and do you want any(more)? we have three dogs, teddy (beagle/cocker spaniel), cali (boxer mix), and bentley (jack russel mix), and one cat named lexi. i'm currently only really wanting a ball python morph, but adopting a lizard again would be nice... a rat, too... what’s the best pokemon? ninetales is the best! but i also reeeaaally like espeon and umbreon. do you play any sport? no. i haven't played sports since dance. do you watch beauty pageants? absolutely not. i disagree with their entire concept. do you like nutella? i do, very much so. are you into ripped jeans? yes. makes them appear more dynamic and interesting. which band has the best name, in your opinion? i'm not sure. none come to mind immediately... do kids often knock on your door on halloween? they never do. we live in what can barely even be considered a neighborhood, just a couple houses in the middle of the woods. have you ever witnessed an extreme act of animal cruelty? thank heavens, no. have you ever actually woken up screaming because of a nightmare? yes. i was sleeping on the recliner with jason and nearly gave him a heart attack. how many people in your family have blue eyes? idk, but not many. the only ones i know of are myself, my deceased grandpa, my half-brother, and my niece. who is your favorite actor/actress? probably betty white and johnny depp if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? i'd be a dragon, far away from human civilization so people won't want to kill me for no particular reason... are you satisfied with your gender? even if i wasn't, what would i do about it? do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? honestly depends on how close we are and my mood. have there ever been floods where you live? many. do you listen to k-pop? i never have. i have an acquaintance from high school that's like in love with it though. do you know (of) anyone who has committed suicide? i know of people, yes. most notably my sister's ex. there's potential that i know someone who has, too, as i knew her online, she was heavily suicidal, then she just vanished. do you eat meat every day? usually, typically at dinner. do you like your country’s president or prime minister? no, i don't. i agree with some of his policies, most notably his outlook on abortion, but overall, i cannot stand him. he has a horrid, childish attitude, and a relatively naive outlook on things. do you listen to christmas music during the holiday season? i don't. virginia, jason's mom, always did though. she loved the holidays and was always so expressive of her enjoyment of them all. i miss her... i hope she's doing well, too. she had a few health issues. do you like ginger ale? only when i'm ill. what color is your can of deodorant? it's baby blue. what is the middle name of the last person you texted? marie how far do you live from the ocean? ehhh, like three hours, probably less. are you a fan of eminem? he's the only rapper i'd consider myself a fan of. he actually sings about shit that matters on a regular basis. do you wear a ring on your finger? i have a ruby/garnet/whatever on my right ring finger, and i want to fix the ring jason gave me to wear on my left pointer finger... but it's in a box somewhere. i had it in the jewelry box he bought me, but most of our shit's been packed up from when we were threatened with eviction, and personally i don't feel like going through dozens of boxes. do you like the song ‘i kissed a girl’ by katy perry? i'll admit it's catchy and reminds me of when i was younger. the last person you kissed, is he/she single now? last i checked, no. how many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? hundreds of times. does it bother you when people smoke around you? honestly, yes. but i don't say anything. ever kissed a smoker? no, and i highly doubt i ever will. a smoker has kissed me, though. do you know anyone who has their eyebrow pierced? a former friend did when did you last talk to your brother or sister? i couldn't tell you. ashley doesn't live here and nicole doesn't say a word to me unless she needs something or if i initiate conversation. do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? regular bacon would you ever buy a motorcycle? no. too dangerous. most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? james hetfield of metallica like fuck me he could be my daddy in more than one way can insanity bring on more creativity? it does, but it's not something i'd advise pursuing. basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? maroon. where is your mom? she's currently at mrs. ricks' house, a patient she takes care of. have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? with jason, hundreds of times. how long until your next birthday?  four days!! ;v; favorite thing to do on tumblr? see what gay shit is going down in the r&l community. have you ever experienced being hysterical? it's a familiar feeling. have you ever ridden a boat? i have. has anyone ever threatened to hurt you? what did you do?   yes, by a lovely little bitch named rachel.  and when things truly escalated, i told my mother.  call me a tattle-tail for it, but i wasn't an adult at the time.  we were both teenagers.  mom was so pissed that she confronted her father about the issue (she knew where she lived because my older sister has a history with the bitch, too...), and while he spoke to rachel supposedly, he didn't seem to give a shit.  the behavior stopped, though. have you ever seen someone’s personality change completely in a manner of minutes? what was it like?   no, thankfully. do you tend to expect the best or the worst of people?   the worst.  i have no reason to behave otherwise. what color are your pants?   mostly black, but there's also a graphic of classic harley quinn with "hey, puddin'" written beneath her.  tbh i usually wore these if i wanted attention from jason lmao kill me. any turn ons?   whispering, neck kisses/bites, very gentle choking, gentle touching in general, other things i'm just not thinking of right now... what's your cover photo on facebook?   it's a picture of jason and me from our second prom.  we're smiling at each other. any turn offs?   bad hygiene, being rough, being violent, etc... most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)?   jason's humility and him softening as a person in general. are you more of an independent person or dependent person?   i'm honestly extremely dependent. are you usually the first to forgive in a fight?   it sure seems that way. do you prefer boys to shave down there?   i don't care.  do what makes him feel more comfortable in himself. do you think it’s appropriate to keep naked pictures of an ex, or should you delete them when you break up?   it definitely does sound appropriate to have naked pictures. would you ever get a back tattoo?   i already have one planned for along my spine: "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly."  it's one of my favorite lyrics from otep. favorite kind of bean? kidney? black? pinto?   i absolutely hate beans. when you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into?   keeping my husband happy, preparing for children, etc... do you have photoshop? if so, how often a day do you use it?   i had to have it for school.  i like... never use it. wonder woman or cat woman?   cat woman. would you like other people to see your survey answers?   i'm neutral.  like i guess it helps when people wanna talk/give me advice from their unique perspective, but i don't want people to bother with me? do you often feel guilty?
   i fucking always do.  about everything. have you ever had a serious mental break down?   you know, like, every week. how long was your longest relationship?   three and a half years did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school boyfriend/girlfriend?   yes.  i did.  i still refuse to believe i won't.  he was my favorite person, and still is.  but what happens when you're breaking down your fp, entirely inadvertently, while they're building you up?  ka-boom.  i guess that's just what i did to him. are you a virgin? do you believe virginity is “sacred”?   i am, and yes, it is.  i refuse to just give it up to any 'ole body. what’s a song you recently discovered that you want to tell everyone about?   "breakdown" by seether.  i wonder  if it's how jason feels towards me. does the last person you kissed have freckles?   no, he doesn't. assuming you’re in love or have been in love before, how does or did it make you feel?   on top of the world.  that first realization that i was in love with him... it was like being born again.  but in a new dimension.  stick with me here.  i was in a new world where nothing could hurt me, because he was my shield, and i was also his.  we were one.  partners.  two names, one soul.  he was the reason i could rest, because his eyes were open while i slept.  i could reveal myself to him, because his heart and mind were opened.  he took all that shit and crushed it beneath his heel, though, so i guess it doesn't really matter. in school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in?   usually english or science. what’s the age difference between yourself and your best friend?   less than a year. has someone close to you ever told you they were going to commit suicide because of you?   oh my god, no.  i'd die. do you like opossums? do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets?   i LOVE opossums!  they're so cute!  as for if it's ethically right to keep them as pets, i'm honestly not sure as i'm not well-educated on what they would require as a house animal.  i mean i certainly wouldn't agree with someone taking them out of their natural habitat to be a pet, but i guess i'd be fine with someone raising an abandoned opossum baby, so long they gave them the care necessary. what is your favorite unhealthy drink that you like to consume (if you have one, that is)?   mountain dew, the voltage variety being my favorite.  i know it's wiiiildly bad for you, but omg i love it. what are your thoughts on nihilism?   it's rather sad, and can also be so dangerous if you truly believe nothing has meaning/nothing matters. when and where was the last time you were or felt lost?   daily???  i haven't mentally felt like i'm "home" for a long, loooong time. has a tree ever fallen down on your house? 
  two or three times, lmao.  oh wait no, one of those times is where it fell on the propane tank beside our house (it didn't explode, it was literally inches from the top of it, though).  the only time i clearly remember a tree falling on the house is when the tree collapsed literally on top of my room, and i slept through it.  dad had to saw the tree multiple times to get it off the house, and we had to get some leaks patched. do you know anyone that actually looks good wearing bright red lip stick?   i don't think i look too bad with it. if you were poor, living on the streets, & had no family to aid you, would you take up a job offer to work in a slaughterhouse?   i... maybe.  living on the streets has to be a literal nightmare, so i doubt a slaughterhouse would be much worse... but killing animals, i would literally cry on a daily basis.  i don't know if i could do it. do you feel sorry for the people who get killed by their pets [some people own / tend to monkeys, tigers, lions, snakes, etc. & get killed by them] or do you think they had it coming?   i mean i would never not feel sorry for someone who died, but at the same time, i would agree it to be foolish to keep a dangerous animal. whose facebook password do you have?   no one's but my own. have you ever wanted to strip naked in front of someone?   and i did. how often do you go to church?   i try to go with colleen every weekend now.  she's just been really sick lately, so we haven't been going. speaking of church, are you going to heaven or hell?   ... i don't know anymore.  like, i accept jesus as my lord and savior, etc., but i feel so wicked sometimes.  like... i wish death upon someone i don't know.  i love someone more than i do god and jesus.  i've been furious with god lately.  heaven probably doesn't want me. would you date/hook up with your brother’s best friend?   no, he'd be too old for me personally. have you ever wondered what it’s like to have sex on a trampoline?   well.  hot damn.  there's another one on my bucket list lmao. what is the weirdest music video you’ve ever seen?   hmm.  not sure. what is something of which you need more in your life?   social interaction.  i'm an introvert and all, but i don't have enough company throughout my days. do you enjoy talking about music with others?   YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS I WILL TALK FOR HOURS what are the color of your walls? do you want to repaint?   boring white/beige/whatever.  i'd like to repaint, sure, but this house is rented, not owned, so we can't. do you have any siblings who neglect you?   ... i feel that way, yeah.  my older half-siblings i don't feel that way, 'cuz they live forever away and have busy, adult lives, and even ashley is very busy, but nicole, who lives with me... i feel like she doesn't care.  she's never home and acts like she lives with her good-for-nothing boyfriend, and when she is here, she doesn't talk to me.  doesn't look at me.  never says a word to me, even when she knows i need comfort.  she doesn't interact with me period unless i initiate conversation.  i just.  feel like when she/me/we move out, we'll never talk again.  i don't want to lose my little sister. what were the last three movies you watched in theaters?   "trolls," "the jungle book," and uhhh... i'm not sure. do you believe in ghosts, spirits or demons?   spirits/ghosts/whatever have you, demons, and angels. did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?   until the news of a dirty syringe being found in a local one, yes. are you attracted to the last person that kissed you?   i am.  when i first met him, i thought he looked "odd," and he does look rather different, but i honestly believe him to be handsome. what did you do yesterday?   not much at all...  sat on the computer.  talked to a couple online friends.  talked with colleen.  cried a lot. something you really want right now?   honestly all i want is to cuddle with j right now.  underneath a big, fleecy blanket, and just watch our old, favorite shows. do you look more like your mom or your dad?   debatable.  i've heard both. describe your looks to us:   i am 5'4'', white and very pale, overweight with my weight pretty evenly distributed, i have lithe hands with long fingers and very small toes.  i have blue eyes that sometimes look more greenish or grayish.  my ears are pierced multiple times, as well as my nose.  i have three tattoos.  my hair just reaches my breasts and is ruby-red in coloration.  how i dress varies greatly. could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you?   no, fuck you. are you afraid of death?   i am.  i'm most concerned about how badly it'll hurt/how i'll die. do you think you’ll be one of those people that will get a divorce in the future?   no, because i'd literally refuse to leave my spouse unless he became dangerous. last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?   if he leaves his current girlfriend, sure. are thongs sexy?   not to me... but then again, i'm not attracted to feminine garb. is penetration important to you?   considering i was fine doing purely foreplay with jason/having no penal-vaginal penetration, no, it's not very important. what is your sexuality?   i am heterosexual, but have some asexual tendencies, ex. i am not physically attracted to male genitalia. do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex?   long is fucking sexy. would you rather have 10 siblings or be an only?   ten.  that'd be cool. what is your opinion on legalizing drugs?   it's fucking stupid to even mildly consider it.  i know a lot of people think it will lessen crime with drugs, but ha, i HIGHLY doubt it.  besides that, why legalize something dangerous?  murder's wrong, should we legalize that shit, too?  and i mean, we already have enough controversy over things like cigarettes and alcohol, two very dangerous things, why add another to the mix? do you drink coffee on a regular basis?   no, i hate coffee. do you like country music?   no, i don't.  it's very rare that once in a while i'll hear a song i like, but it's seldom. are you afraid of black cats?   not at all. do you watch the lightning during storms?   omgggg yes what is the weirdest thing you have ever done with a crush or significant other?   i guess you could consider borderline fucking on a chaise in the open living room "weird?"  but shit was fun. do you shave your arms even though it supposedly grows back thick?   i shave my underarms, not my arms. do you ever get too lazy to clean up your pet’s pee and leave it for your parents to do it?   no, if teddy pees, i clean it up. what insects or bugs do you fear most?   rhinoceros beetles are fucking terrifying, praying mantises are kinda scary... i also just don't like beetles in general. do you think weed is just as bad as cigarettes?   it's worse.  it's been proven to have more carcinogens. who taught you to drive, and were you happy with their approach?   my driver's ed teacher was mr... cone, i think?  he was fine.  besides him, mom taught me to drive, and she was waaaay too strict/yelled a lot. do you get seasick or carsick?   carsick, no.  seasick, i'm not entirely sure.  i've only been on a boat on the ocean once, and it was my anxiety that nearly made me puke. is sex on your mind more than 3 times a day?   lately, yeah. do you like it up against the wall?   errr, i'm going to just go along with this.  i wouldn't know, never tried, but sounds fun. are you smiling?   lmao what do you think, i just sit at my computer smiling like a madman all day? what has been the most traumatic experience of your life? does it still bother you?   by far, jason leaving me.  and obviously, as i've been diagnosed with ptsd because of it. was your last kiss drunk or sober?   i've never kissed someone while drunk, so. have your lips ever gone numb from kissing?   lmao, that's possible?  i've kissed for hours on end and have never experienced that. why did you first kiss the last person you kissed?   because i really liked him.  why else? are monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to?   no no no, new gmm!! do you want to know the date of your death?   absolutely not. have you ever kissed an ex after you broke up?   no. do you wear hair extensions?   nah. do you wear eyeliner?   if i ever wear makeup, yes, i always do. do either of your parents have tattoos?   neither do.  mom wants one, though. your phone is ringing. it’s your ex. what do you say?   "hi, sweetheart." what is your natural hair color?   i was born dirty blonde, but it turned brown with age. is your dream job attainable?   realistically, for me, no.  i'd like to be a meerkat biologist, but i'm not moving to africa. have you ever been to a drive-in theatre?   no, but that'd be soooo fun! :( what moment in your life have you been most scared?   those first moments after jason told me it was over.  the moment i told mom, "jason broke up with me," because it was my true acknowledgment that it was over.  can you imagine how it'd feel like to be skinned alive?  to have all your flesh ripped away, leaving you bare and vulnerable?  that's what it felt like. do movies such as ‘saw’ and ‘the grudge’ scare you easily?   "the grudge" is a fucking awesome movie (think i've only seen the second, tho), but i'm not a "saw" fan.  i just... eh, they're too bloody.  to an exaggerated degree.  and i don't like seeing people so scared. do you have an ipod? how many songs are on it?   yes, and over 1,000.  i sometimes have to delete songs to make room for more. how do you get to school?   i'm not in school anymore, but when i was, mom always drove me there. would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness?   i don't really want to adopt period, but i don't know if hypothetically i would, but merely for the child's own well-being.  i am seriously mentally ill, and because of this, i don't really know if i'm capable of raising said child in a completely healthy environment. gas prices...first thought?   lower than they used to be, at least.  i remember when they were over $4.00 favorite non sexual thing to do with girl/boy?   play two-player video games together. :D

you didn’t ask for it... so here ya go

@wordshakerofgallifrey

Athena had been talking non-stop since she found Apollo on the train yesterday, he’d realized as they walked into classroom 3C together, as they did every year. He had missed her relentless chatter over the summer (although he would much rather eat slugs before he ever told her that).

The classroom wasn’t packed just yet when they took their seats on the second row. The only difference as opposed to the last two years, he saw a mix of Gryffindors in the room with the usual litter of Hufflepuffs in his year. That’s different, Apollo noted absently. Usually we’re usually with Ravenclaw… Strangely, Professor Wright was already at his podium looking over his usual mess notes and study plans, which he never ever did.  Honestly, the only time the professor had ever looked at his notes was when Headmistress Fey was around and… well... She wasn’t here anymore.

Professor Wright never preparation, never had any prior knowledge of lessons before he stood up to teach, and there was no structure to his lessons when he did if, in fact, he somehow did prepare a lesson. He was probably the strangest Hufflepuff in his graduating class, Apollo would wager, if not in the entire history of the school. Apollo changed his view and noticed that Wright was talking to a tall blonde man with long curly hair over one shoulder wearing sleek robes. The man was smiling as he spoke, but while polite-looking, his smile seemed very forced. His arms were crossed but Apollo could see the hint a very odd tattoo or scar on the back of one of his right hand. The man almost looked very… familiar… Huh… Apollo turned back to Athena, who was opening up her brand new 3rd year DADA book, smiling and smelling the pages, fondly. “Athena, you live in the wizarding world, year round… Do you know who that is? He looks kind of familiar…” he whispered, attempting now to cast attention on himself. Athena turned her head and glanced over at their teacher and the other man. She reached up to play with her moon-shaped earring, a habit she tended to have when she was idle. “I think that’s the auror, Kristoph Gavin. Maybe he’s here to talk to us about all of the stuff going on with Professor Hawthorne’s sister last year, since he’s famous and all…?” Apollo blinked and turned back to the man talking to the Professor. Then it hit him. He could hear the light German accent as the man spoke. His facial feature looked exactly like Klavier’s, minus the glasses that sat on his face. “Kristoph Gavin? That’s... That’s Klavier’s brother.” His voice became detached. “What?! I had no idea that Klavier’s brother was that Kristoph Gavin! He’s a legend! He’s caught so many bad wizards, he’s almost like a superhero!!” Athena exclaimed excitedly. She did some chopping hand motions that Apollo didn’t see because he was looking at the door. There was a more important question… Does Klavier know his brother is on campus? Daryan Crescend walked in with his group of friends, making eye contact with Apollo but not in any kind of friendly way. Apollo could swear he saw a snarl at the other boy’s lips. Guess he’s still angry with Hufflepuff for winning the House Cup last year… Then Apollo blanched. Or just at me in general for other reasons. Great. Apollo looked back at the door. There was still no sign of Klavier. “Stop your worrying Apollo. He’ll be here. He was at breakfast, remember?” Athena said reassuringly. God, sometimes, Apollo wished she were less empathic. Apollo crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath. That’s right. Klavier was a breakfast. He was wildly excited for some wizard music study intro class he’d signed up for last term that was apparently tough to get a seat in. Apollo turned his head and rolled his eyes. “If Klavier loses points for being late today, you owe me 25 galleons and a bag of licorice wands.” . “Ew, licorice,” Athena recoiled and muttered under her breath. She sat up in her chair and leaned over on her desk, smirking wildly at Apollo- as if she knew something he didn’t. Or she knew something he was attempting to forget…  

“You’re always awfully prickly when it comes to Klavier. Any ideas why?” She said flippantly. Apollo felt his cheeks starting to burn against his will and he glanced suddenly at his book in an attempt to ignore it. He hoped to god Athena didn’t notice, but because she obviously had eyes, he hoped that she would at the very least keep quiet. “N-No idea what you’re… Referring to… You know this book talks a lot about werewolves, right?”

He glanced back up; he noticed Professor Wright had finished talking to his guest. Kristoph had turned way from Wright and began setting up for his lecture.

The professor walked over toward where Apollo and Athena were sitting; smile becoming less strained all of a sudden. “Hello, Apollo. Athena. How’re you kids doing today? I hope you’re as excited as I am for this class,” He said, mysteriously.

Athena grinned. “You know you’re our favorite teacher, Professor! We’re ecstatic for the year ahead!”

Apollo nodded along with her but did not look the Professor directly in the eyes. He still couldn’t get over what happened the last year. Seeing Mr. Wright so vulnerable was still so… Strange. If the Headmaster hadn’t been there to save them all, they would have been goners. Hopefully, Professor Fey was all right now and had recuperated over the summer but the look in Wright’s eyes had been incredibly daunting.

And even though Wright was smiling now, Apollo heard his voice echoing in his head. “The worst of times are where Aurors have to force their biggest smiles.” Apollo knew the truth. The emptiness and tired eyes said everything.

“25 galleons, Apollo! Pay up!”

Apollo turned. “Huh?”

“Achtung, Forehead! You have such little faith in me!” Klavier snapped his fingers and tsked with his trademark smirk on his face. Apollo felt his cheeks grow hotter. Had Klavier grown his platinum hair out longer over the summer?  It had been starting to get long last year but… wow. Had he pierced his ears too? Had his eyes gotten paler or turned a more purple-tinted blue?  Had he gotten even taller? Sure Apollo noticed the height difference on the train, but that was in the presence of everyone else: Athena, Clay, Daryan, Juniper, Simon, and Ema. There wasn’t time to really look for details even though Apollo was always looking for details.

Apollo scratched the back of his head as Klavier moved to his usual seat behind him. “It w-wasn’t that, but you woke up late.”

“Apollo!!”

“Yeah, Athena, I’ll buy you something else at Hogsmeade when we go, okay?” Athena let out a disappointed pouting noise.

Apollo turned sideways in his desk, and tapped his hand on the front of Klavier’s before whispering. “Why is your brother here?”

Klavier wasn’t looking at Kristoph any longer, but Kristoph was definitely staring him down.  Apollo could practically feel the ice like eyes freezing the back of his own neck. Klavier must have been feeling it too because he narrowed him eyes and smirked. “Your brain has obviously not grown as large as your forehead has over the summer, Apollo. How should I know?”

Apollo narrowed his eyes. “Real mature, Klav. Real mature.” Klavier smirked a little, which would have been a good sign if it had reached his eyes.

The professor clapped his hands, signaling the start of class. Apollo turned back around in his seat and bit the inside of his cheek, anxiously.

“Right, guys. It’s the first day back so I thought I’d do something a little different than what I do every other year. I’ve brought in a special guest today, to sorta… shake things up a little. He is the, if you all have been paying attention to the Prophet, the highly esteemed auror, Mr. Kristoph Gavin. I’m sure many you have heard about him as he’s risen very high in the Ministry of Magic at such a young age, starting his career after he graduated top of his class here at Hogwarts.”

“Not that impressive,” Apollo heard Klavier mutter behind him.

The professor continued as he picked up his wand, charming a piece of chalk to write on the board for him as he sorted through his usual mess of stacked papers and notes on his cluttered desk.

“Since the incident last year shocked so many, we’re going to have Aurors in and out of the school checking the grounds for intruders for extra safety. So, I thought who better than my…” Was the Professor clenching his jaw? “…dear friend, Kristoph Gavin to come and explain the situation to a few of my Defense Against the Dark Arts classes?” The professor’s voice was as light as ever but he seemed really tired. And Apollo could swear Wright was gritting his teeth.

Friend? How could anyone as cold as Kristoph Gavin have any friends? Especially not Professor Wright, who had a heart of pure gold and was probably way out of Kristoph’s league on account of being sorted into Hufflepuff and being much less poorer than him. From what Apollo has heard from Klavier, Kristoph was openly mean to everyone that wasn’t of ‘pure blood’ or ‘didn’t have enough money,” under false pretenses of over-politeness. And although Apollo would never openly state that to Klavier, he had noticed in the past three years the slightly abusive manner of which Kristoph treated his younger brother and Apollo’s best friend.

Apollo watched Kristoph Gavin move his briefcase around to grab some very organized papers (were they color-coded? Eggshell white to cinderblock? Really?) from it before looking up to the students and smiling a little too politely.

“Why, thank you for your kind introduction, Professor,” Kristoph said, shutting his eyes and smiling at Professor Wright. Apollo noted his light German accent a few years ago but it seems… thicker now. Almost like Kristoph had been back in “the homeland” recently...

Kristoph turned back to the group of students. “As your professor has stated, there have been multiple attacks on this school, other schools throughout the world, and also wizarding communities all over the globe. For now, the Ministry wishes for things to just continue as normal as they possibly can.” Apollo shudders when Kristoph smiled again. It was sickly sweet and freezing cold- nothing like Klavier’s smile- his real smile. The smile that made Apollo’s heart beat as if he had just run 5 miles- Stop it. Focus, Justice. You’re in class.

“Mr. Gavin, I think it would be optimal to maybe explain what it is you do as an Auror, yeah?” The Professor cut in, with a smile that seemed just as intimidating as Kristoph’s. Apollo could have sworn he saw a twitch in Kristoph Gavin’s eye.

“Aurors are law enforcement among wizards. We protect communities from harm from the dark arts and take case loads of the people if they have been harmed by dark magic.”

Wright sat back in his chair, crossing his arms. “And what’s the difference between the Ministry of Magic and the Aurors?”

“The Aurors work for the Ministry,” Kristoph said, incredulously. “There are different tiers of Aurors that work different types of cases and in different sections of the Minist-”

“Namely-“

“It just depend on the extremity of the situa-“

“-And who decides that, Mr. Gavin?”

Apollo turned to stare at his teacher. What had gotten into him? Why is he being so hard on Kristoph? He’s treating this presentation like an oral exam on what being an Auror was, to see if Kristoph knows what his job is.

When class is finally over, Kristoph looked exhausted while the Professor just wore his same old lazed grin he’s always had. Apollo, Athena, and Klavier were the last ones out of the room, because Klavier hung back, pretending to be asking Athena what the homework assignment was again. He asked her three times already, which clearly confused passing students. After everyone was gone, Apollo knew Professor Wright knew exactly what Klavier was doing because he also excused himself from Gavin’s presence.

Klavier, on the other hand, strode right up to the podium where his brother stood looking at more notes. The boy slammed his hand against the wall.

“What do you mean the Ministry wants the school to continue as normal? Everything is fine as it is!” he said through gritted teeth.  Apollo cringed. “Does this mean all of the Aurors on campus right now are-“

“-Staying, yes.”

Klavier narrowed his eyes at his brother. “You couldn’t have told me anything about this when you found out? I’m sure you knew before you dropped me off at the train station yesterday. You couldn’t have said anything at all?”

Apollo watched Kristoph dramatic sigh, as the man has been prone to doing from time to time.

“If you must know, Klavier, my boss informed me of this yesterday night, after I took you to the train station. I had absolutely no idea that I would be stationed to work here.   I do apologize if this inconveniences you,” he says, still smiling but it was obviously faltering into aggravation now. Though it is possible he also hisses his words through gritted teeth, too. “And wipe that scowl off of your face, Klavier. It will stay like that if you don’t watch it.” He pushed his glasses up.

Klavier bit the inside of his cheek and then smiled in spite of himself. “Fine. Whatever.” He slips a hand back into his pocket and grabs his book bag. He then turns to leave but stops when Kristoph makes a clicking noise with his tongue.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends? That is really the very height of rudeness, Klavier. Now I thought I taught you better than that,” he said, Kristoph’s voice reminding Apollo as a slimy snake.

Klavier spun around so fast that it was a wonder his hair wasn’t all messed up. Apollo wondered if he’d enchanted a bottle of hairspray again. He pointed to a surprised Athena. “Athena Cykes.” Then he pointed to Apollo. “Apollo Justice. May we go now?” His expression was hard. Apollo had only seen Klavier like this a few times in the past couple of years he’d known him; the vulnerable Klavier.

Kristoph crossed his arms and chuckled. “Sure. I suppose I will see you later anyway, kleiner Bruder.”

Apollo could have sworn that Klavier gagged at his brother’s remark as he turned around and sauntered out classroom 3.

“Klavier! Klavier, will you slow down?” Apollo called, after the blond.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Forehead!”

“Neither of us asked!” Athena shouted. “Come on, you promised you’d come watch Quidditch tryouts with me! Simon’s really gonna make it this year, I just know it!”

Klavier scoffed loudly as he walked but turned his briefly to Athena and sneered. “Quidditch tryouts for Slytherin, I’d rather die.”

Athena frowned and looked to Apollo as they walked after Klavier, as if she didn’t know what to do. Apollo stopped and held his arm out to stop her. “You know what, Athena? How about you go on ahead?”

“What? But you’ll miss it and you guys both promised Simon! What if he actually gets on the team and you miss it all?”

Apollo turned his head and watched Klavier walk out of the hallway and then out of the building. Somehow, he knew exactly where Klavier was going.

“Look, you know how emotional Klavier can be. Especially when it comes to his family… Junie’s probably somewhere around here… She’d love to watch Blackquill try out with you. Seeing Kristoph in class like that was probably a lot to take in for Klavier. You know how it is with him…”

Athena pursed her lips together and then looked away, her arms crossed. “Yeah… His emotions were wild back there. Sadness, surprise, anger…” She sighed and looked Apollo in the eyes. “And panic. What happened over the summer? What has Kristoph done now?”

Apollo looked at his shoes. “I don’t know. I think it’s more of the fact that Klavier still has to live with Kristoph over the summer until he’s of legal age.” He shook his head. “Anyway, go find Junie and see if you can find Clay and Ema… If you see Daryan at the Quidditch Pitch and he asks about Klavier, tell him to piss off.” Athena nodded solemnly and began walking back the way she came when she stopped. Apollo had already turned back and started walking when he heard her again.

“Hey Apollo? I would compliment his hair.”

Apollo exhaled. “You’re not helping in the slightest, Athena.”

“Kay, sorry, sorry…” and he heard footsteps and a door opening, signaling Athena’s leave.

Apollo, on the other hand, took a deep breath and began walking back the opposite way of the hallway door he saw Klavier walk out of.  It led to another part of the campus, around a small courtyard near the Herbology Greenhouses. He noticed Klavier decking it for the Forbidden Forest.

“Klav! Klavier, will you stop for one minute?! Come on! Holy Mother of Kurain…” Apollo called when he sees the sight of platinum blond hair. When Klavier refuses to stop, Apollo sighs and drops his shoulder bags. Of course. It’s come to this...

Then Apollo takes a deep breath and breaks out into a sprint, tackling Klavier to the ground. Klavier makes an aggravated noise and fights back.

“Apollo, you bloody hündin-“ He tries to fight Apollo off but Apollo finds that he probably has the upper hand, considering that Dhruke Sahdmadhi and Datz Are’bal raised him.

“K-Klavier! We need to talk about this!” He huffed as he tried to subdue Klavier. Man was he strong, though… “I d-don’t get what the big deal is! It’s not like you’ll see him everyday… Or every minute!  He’s just up here with the other Aurors, right?!”

Klavier shakes his head repeatedly and finally shakes himself free, being ultimately stronger than Apollo, and wraps arms around himself while trying to recover lost oxygen. “Apollo, you don’t get it!”

“That doesn’t mean that I can’t try!” Apollo yells back. His chest rises and falls and Apollo realizes it’s actually really hot out. He pulls off his Hufflepuff cardigan and ties it around his waist. Then he glances around in an instant and his eyes settle on a stone bench in the middle of the garden between a couple of greenhouses. “Come over here.” He begins to drag Klavier to the bench.

“Apollo-”

“Just sit down, will you?”

With a long sigh that emulates his brother, Klavier follows Apollo and sinks into the garden’s bench, finally taking his own bag off and setting it down beside him.

“Now,” Apollo exhales and inhales deeply, trying to recover the air he has just lost. Dhurke would say that he’s out of shape. “What happened over the summer? You didn’t respond to any of my letters or Athena’s I bet and you didn’t say much at the train or at the feast. What’s been going on with you?”

Klavier sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Pureblood stuff.”

“Be serious, Klav.”

“No,” Klavier fully turned and rolled his eyes at Apollo. “I am being serious- I’m being very, very serious.” Klavier exhaled as if breathing were a chore and began fiddling with the rings on his hands. Guess I’m lucky he didn’t punch me in the face or I’d have the imprint of the Gavin Family for a week on my face…

“My brother made me go to like… five or six parties this summer. With like, all of the pretentiousness and pretense of every Pureblood family in the country. It was like being around 30 versions of my father or… Kris.” Apollo’s face softened when Klavier shuddered. Klavier raised his hand.

“And, speaking of Kris, I guess seeing him in one of my favorite classes und knowing that he’ll be staying here until the whole “magical terrorism” thing is over threw me for a loop. Because I was not expecting him to be there, you know? I already have to live with him and I’ve told you how great that is.” Klavier’s jaw clenched and Apollo felt a tinge of guilt for yelling at and tackling the other boy. What if Kristoph had done something to Klavier over the summer? That was an awful thing to think about. Instead, Apollo looked away and tapped his forehead. “I thought people were calling it the ‘dark age of magic?’”

Klavier sneered at him. “Ja, whatever, Forehead. Jesus. The point is that the Ministry thinks Kristoph is a good enough auror to watch over the school und I highly disagree. He’s wickedly overrated und unqualified,” Klavier gritted his teeth.

Apollo exhaled as if he had been holding his breath- and maybe he had been. If Athena were here, she’d say that the signs were there. Kristoph probably did do or say something to Klavier over the summer, as he’d done every year Apollo had known him and every year of his life, most likely. Even without Athena’s emotional telepathy, he knew Klavier was screaming on the inside.

So, the best thing to do was change the subject.

“Wanna, um… Go back to the Great Hall? I think there’s a wizard chess set in there… Or we could go back to the dorms and get that Guitar you’ve been working on charming…? You wrote me a few months ago that you finished a serenady song… uh….” Apollo awkwardly scratched his head. “O-Or we could go to the Astrology tower and uh… Hang out up there… That could be fun… Maybe Clay’ll be there.”

Klavier blinked and forced a smile. “I guess I could show you the song I’ve been working on.”

“Yeah?”

“Ja… It’s about magically large foreheads taking over people’s faces like a disease.”

Apollo stared a Klavier for the longest time before standing up. “You see, this is why I never comfort you.” He begins to walk back to his discarded bag on the ground.

“Oh come on! You have to admit that was funny!”

“I was seriously worried about you and then you give me this! Why the spell do I even bother?” Apollo picked up and dusted off his discarded bag and turned back toward the castle.

Klavier ran into his shoulder and hooked his arm in Apollo’s, having apparently already picked up his bag. “Because we’re friends and you’re worry all the time! It’s adorable!”

Apollo’s eyebrows narrowed. Just four more years of this. Just four.

+100 things i hate about me

Basics

Name x

Birthplace x

Current Location finland

Heritage x

Eye Color brown

Hair Color some kinda red right now

Hair Length a bit past my shoulders

Height 158 cm / 5′2″

Weight enough

Figure average i guess

Righty or Lefty righty, yo

Zodiac Sign cancer sun, libra moon, gemini rising

Introvert or extrovert in the social sense? i swing between the two quite a bit

Meyers-Briggs Personality type estp

Style

Clothing all black, preferably, versatile, casual

Hair updos are life

Music what does that have to do with style?

Makeup usually minimal, sometimes not. i like dark things

Body Art a few small tattoos

Car none

Decor love minimalist, but unfortunately my place is a mishmash of things

Right Now  

Current mood kinda bored

Current music nylon beat - elämä on lyhyt

Current taste coffee with hazelnut milk <3

Current hair loose

Current clothes grey dress with leopard dots and a black cardigan!

Current annoyance that i’m bored :D

Current smell coffee

Current longing someone special

Current desktop picture hummingmint xD

Current fingernail color natural

Current likes sunlight! walks with the dog. violife smoked cheese.

Current dislikes idk, i don’t think about things i don’t like that much

Current favorite article of clothing idk. i need new clothes xD

Current favorite place to be out & about

Current time you wake up in the morning 10 am ish

Current favorite word díky!

What are you...

Thinking of that i should resume today’s czech studies

Feeling BOREDOM

Remembering nothing

Doing nothing T.T

Planning convincing my mom to sponsor my ticket to prague xD

What were you doing  

1 hour ago i was out walking my dog

1 day ago probably wasted time here

1 week ago i was in romania doing stuff! <3

1 month ago probs just hanging out with the boyfriend

1 year ago crying that my life was miserable lololol

5 years ago feeling stuck in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere

10 years ago felt stuck and constrained by high school and everything

Your favorite  

Music depends. right now i’m kinda into finnish rock music

Cartoon lol, i don’t really watch any, save for the simpsons occasionally

Font LOL

Color gold, copper

Song pää kii - apinoiden planeetalla

Flavor chocolate!

Scent i loooooove givenchy’s ange ou demon <3

Magazine none

TV Show none

Book love is a hound from hell by bukowski

Movie the royal tenenbaums

Language japanese! and finnish xD

Food soba noodles

Beverage COFFEE

Fruit i like them all!

Vegetable right now: celery, zucchini, aubergine, cucumber 

Season spring

Subject in School none

Weekend Activity dancing and wandering to random places

Ice Cream Flavor mint or licorice

Pizza toppings zucchini, mushrooms, lots of olives

Preferences

Cola or Other

Coke or Pepsi ... neither

Fried, Scrambled, or Poached ... i’m vegan xD

Pancakes or Waffles

Dogs or Cats

Coffee or Tea

Iced or Hot

Looking out the window or into the room

One Pillow or Two

Chocolate or Vanilla

High Achiever or Easy-Going

Single or Taken

Pen or Pencil

Gloves or Mittens

Planned or Spontaneous

Food or Candy xD

Matches or a Lighter

Typed or Handwritten

Walk or Run

Elevator or Stairs

Walk or Drive

Facing into the restaurant or away from the other people

Eating alone, with one friend, or with lots of friends

Home or "Out"

Alone, with one friend, or with a group?

Who Would You Like To...

Hear From a few of my friends

Never Hear From Again a friend i’ve left behind

Look Like me but better >:)

Be Like idk. me but more mature.

Meet awesome people!

Get to Know no one in particular, but i’d like to make new friends

Learn from / Study With my dog

Impress EVERYONE!

Teach depends on what i have to teach xD

Do you...?  

Have any tattoos (where?) yes, the runes for dagaz and hagalaz on my hands and a star on my left ankle

Have any piercings (where?) nope

Have any scars quite a bit, in random places

Get along with your parents? yes and no, but better these days

Get motion sickness very rarely

Think you're a health nut no but my friends think otherwise xD

Type with your fingers on the right keys what does that even mean?!

Play an instrument nope. just my voice xD

Play an instrument well no

Sleep with stuffed animals sometimes

Have a significant other yup!

Have a dream that keeps coming back NO way

Believe there is life on other planets maybe. but even so, we’re unlikely to encounter them

Read the newspaper sometimes

Read the comics sometimes

Read the sports pages sometimes

Check the weather forecast yes

Go to restaurants alone yep

Consider yourself tolerant of others i do

Like the taste of alcohol sure xD

Drink yes, various things

Smoke nope

Swear yep :<

Sing yep

Sing in public yep

Sing in the shower yep

Laugh yep

Joke all of my life is a joke

Read sometimes xD

Exercise i guess

Diet sometimes

Cook yep!

Believe in astrology yes and no

Read your horoscope no

Believe in magic yes and no

Believe in miracles it’s a miracle i’m still alive

Go to church yeah! especially abandoned ones

Have any secrets sure

Have any pets not really, my dog lives with my dad

Have any children no

Have any brothers or sisters yes, one sister

Work .... no :<

Have a college degree kinda

Chat to strangers who instant message you i used to when i had aim!

Talk to strangers on the bus LOL NO

Wear hats in winter, yes

Like yourself most of the time

Wish on stars hardly ever, really

Like your handwriting i don’t feel either way about it

Trust others easily not really

Like puns YES

Have a good sense of humor ofc

Take walks in the rain sometimes!

Do you prefer  

Traveling

Staying home

Going out

Cooking

Eating out

Entertaining at home

Large parties

Small parties where you know everyone

Quiet evenings with a few friends

Being alone

Leisure Time: Do you like to...

Read

Go out, anywhere!

Go dancing

See a show

Rent a video

Listen to music

Go for a walk

Watch television

Surf the web

Chat with friends online

Meet people for coffee and conversation

Go to a party

Stay home

...?

Sports and recreation: Do you...

Jog

Run

Walk

Ski

Swim

Play on a team

Play "pickup" games

Bowl

Work Out

...?

Creative outlets: Do you...

Paint or draw

Sculpt, do pottery, mold clay...

Build scale models

Collect... (what?)

Write (what?)

Compose music

Choreograph dances

Dance

Develop software

Meditate

Daydream

...?

Have you ever...?  

Eaten an entire box of Oreos

Thought about eating an entire box of Oreos

Baked a cake

Cooked Thanksgiving Dinner for a group

Eaten sushi

Been on stage

Gone skating

Made homemade cookies

Gone skinny dipping

Dyed your hair

Broken a bone

Been hospitalized overnight

Had your name appear in the newspaper

Published a story, poem, novel...

Played a game that required removal of clothing

Gotten drunk or extremely intoxicated

Been arrested

Changed your name

Changed your "look"

Changed who you were to fit in

Traveled outside the country

Memories - The Past

Last Thing You Bought sugar-free red bull

Last Interesting Thing You Did went to romania!

Last Interesting Thing You Heard: can’t remember

Last Interesting Thing You Said nothing that i can recall rn

Last Interesting Thing You Saw: my dog

Last Thing You Touched: keyboard

Last Thing You Had To Eat oatmeal!

Last Thing You Had To Drink coffee

Last Thing You Watched On Tv ice hockey game between sweden and finland xD

Last Book You Read jane eyre

Last Music You Listened To nylon beat

Last Movie You Saw .... probably an old finnish one my dad was watching

Last Movie You Saw On The Big Screen sing

Last Person You Called On The Phone my mom

Last Person You Talked To Online my darling!

Last Person You Emailed a friend

Last Time You Cried last month

Last Time You Smiled today

Last Time You Laughed today xD

Last Person You Hugged my darling <3

Last Person You Kissed my darling, ofc The Future   Miscellany   What is...   Moods  

Where do you see yourself in five years? far away from here

Describe your Dream Career traveling and exploring new things on a regular basis

What do you want to be when you grow up? anthony bourdain xD at some point, i would also like to be dead

What country would you most like to visit? idk. too many to mention.

Where are you going to live? when i settle down? hopefully far away from here...

How many rings until you answer the phone? 2 or 3

What's on your mouse pad?  i don’t have one xD

Do you like thunderstorms? yeah!

Do you like snow? most of the time, yes

How many houses have you lived in? 5-10

How many schools have you gone to? i think 5

Do you like to drive? i do!

What color is your bedroom carpet? i don’t have a bedroom... but i have 3 carpets, one is green, the second is off-white and the third kinda grey

If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only take one thing (not person) with you what would you take? a machete

What was the best time of your life so far? NOW

The last thought you go to sleep with probably something awesome that happened that day

Your first waking thoughts coffee!

The first feature you notice in someone you just met their face and body language

Your best physical feature idk. i’m cute in general lolol

Your greatest fear that i won’t get anywhere in life and i’ll be misrable

Your biggest weakness my loved ones

Your strongest attribute i’m self-assured and independent

Your greatest accomplishment having made it this far and having enjoyed myself along the way

Your most cherished memory really, there is no one memory. and while i have lots of good memories, i don’t spend too much time thinking about them.

I Hurt rarely and even when i do, i don’t want to show it

I Love y’all! haha.

I Hate it when nothing is happening

I Fear that this moment will vanish and i will lose everything

I Hope that the above is an irrational fear

I Feel feelings y’all

I LIsten to my dog snoring

I Hide when people start demanding too much from me

I Drive at night, on empty highways, as fast as possible

I Play a game, it’s called insincerity~

I Miss him.

I Learned that my dog is scared of a lot of things

I Know i’m in no hurry to figure things out.

I Wait for myself to get sleepy.

I Need sleep!

I Want sleep!