Hi I'm Lauren I'm new to this app, I'm just trying to make some friends. Can i be your friend?

Oh—sure! Cursory glance at your blog shows that we have a few interests in common. Who’re your top 3 Owl House characters?

Hi Vivi, can you share some thoughts on the "Hermione deserves to be/should have married to XYZ because she is way too good for Ron" mentality of this fandom??

I’m gonna copy-paste a Quora answer of mine, because recycling is important!

Claiming that Ron is “out of Hermione’s league” is a statement rooted in sexism, classism and probably a bunch of other -isms.

It might seem like I’m just throwing buzz-words around but let me explain.

First off, the sexism.

Oh, the sexism.

As I’ve pointed it out in yet another one of my answers  (I’m so sorry for drowning you all in a plethora of links), Ron is very much a female-coded male character.

Ron is emotional, wears his heart on his sleeve, has anxieties and inadequacies, walks off in order to cool down, has a temper, puts other people before his needs, and pretty much adopts Harry when he rescues him in the second book. He’s the Heart of the Trio: he doesn’t rely on sole logic, he can believe something without proof, he is sensitive and thus is the easiest to hurt emotionally.

Whether you call it a “beta male”, a “wuss”, “defying gender roles” or a “soft boy” is your own business, but the core of it is that Ron doesn’t meet the standards for people’s vision of a “desirable” masculine figure.

The little things Ron quietly performs in the books - when he helps Harry into his pyjamas in Chamber of Secrets because Harry’s arm is bloop; when he’s worrying about Hermione’s whereabouts in Prisoner of Azkaban; when he helps Harry unwind after his visions in Goblet of Fire; when he puts food onto Harry’s plate and wakes him up from his nightmares in Order of the Phoenix; when he beams that Hermione was “perfect, obviously” when she passes her Apparition test - all those caring gestures don’t seem like much, but if you bother to think about it, they paint an enormous picture.

Who gets Hermione to stop overworking while making her feel good about her accomplishments? Who comforts Harry from his nightmares and cares for him in the dead of the night, when nobody is awake? Who makes sure his friends are healthy and happy? Who wards off the dark and depressing thoughts, be it with his fists or a joke?

It’s Ron.

When you think about it, “traditional masculinity” in Harry Potter is as much frowned upon as “traditional feminity” is - which sometimes bites Rowling in the butt when you remember how she obviously seems to consider that Hermione and Ginny are the only desirable kind of girls.

Vernon Dursley? The entrepreneur “king of the household” prejudiced suburbian middle-class Dad? Fits in the usual tropes of traditional masculinity.

Dudley Dursley? The typical “boys will be boys” spoiled middle-class only child who’s the apple of his parents’ eyes and even takes up boxing, as if he wasn’t traditionally masculine enough.

Draco Malfoy? See Dudley, but toss in “upper-class posh aristocrat bully who doesn’t like to get his hands dirty so he has henchmen do it for him because he’s too rich for this sh-t”, would remind you of a few Christian Greys or Gatsbys.

Dolores Umbridge? Oh no, cat pictures, decorative plates, talks to teens as if they’re babies and PINK, SO MUCH PINK!!! So disgustingly feminine!!

Rowling very much frowns upon traditional gender roles - with Molly Weasley being an exception because Rowling feels very strongly about being a mother, and relates to Molly a lot.

Right - so, being a beautiful mess of paradoxes and contradictions (a “soft boi” who also punches bullies in the face, a fussy mother-hen who swears like a sailor, a tall athlete with badass scars on his arms who’s nurturing and sweet; in short, a wonderfully human character), Ron is obviously going to be a polarizing character. You painfully relate to him and get defensive when he’s criticized, you feel his characterization hits a bit too close to home so you hate him, or you disregard him completely because you can’t see anything “special” about him…

Now, onto another very, very sexist point that is often made.

People say that Hermione “deserves better” than Ron, often claiming that they “aren’t intellectual equals”, then citing Harry (who is mistaken as being some sort of slumbering genius but honestly, the kid is really a bit daft) or Draco (since apparently, being rich must equal to being intelligent) or, god forbid, Snape (because he’s a teacher and teachers are meant to be clever).

Soooo, I could go the loooooong way and pull out all the receipts that prove that none of these characters are perfectly intellectually matched to Hermione…

Or I could go the long way and simply give you this: this obsession with finding an “intellectual equal” for Hermione reflects the mentality of “women are not allowed to be better at something than their husband”.

Yep.

A woman has to be all-around pretty good at everything, whereas a man has to be the absolute best in his area of greatest competence (surely better than any puny female!) with a help-meet there to compensate for his weaknesses. People are very, very uncomfortable when Ron and Hermione reverse this dynamic. Hermione is extremely intelligent and dedicated to intellectual pursuits, but is complete pants at things like self-care and people skills. Ron is bright enough to keep up with her and strong in her areas of weakness.

Even if Ron was as dumb as a sack of rocks (he’s not), his other virtues are more than enough to “justify” Hermione loving him. (Because she needs an excuse?) But no. A woman has to be with a man who outdoes her in her area of greatest strength. - credit to @lytefoot

People don’t want Hermione to be with a man who’s her “equal.” They want her to be with a man who can be The Man so she can know the contentment of being The Woman.

But, with this sexist line of thought, how do we justify how Ron is supposed to be such a bad match for Hermione? Because if it was just about mere sexism, Romione would surely be more popular. Imagine! Ron happily raising the children, being a house-husband and proud of it, while Hermione is out there fighting for justice in the wizarding world! What a power-couple, defying norms and gender roles and not being the least bit conscious of it, prime OTP material for sure! So why do people still want Hermione to put Harry, Draco, or god forbid², Snape in Ron’s place? Is this an irrational hatred of redheads? An Harmionian’s delirious wet dream? A failure to separate the actors from their characters?

It’s all this and, quite frankly, something more: the inherent classism that comes with Ron’s status as an explicitly working-class coded character.

I know, I know, “Vivian! Calm down with the buzzwords, you’re starting to sound like an online pretend-feminist magazine!”

Or “Come on, people who don’t ship Ron and Hermione together aren’t all sexist or classist!”

Of course, of course! I know that! I’m not implying that!

But some of the “reasons” why they claim that Ron and Hermione can’t work - are extremely classist in nature, that’s just it!

Come on, think about it! What are the Number Ones arguments people always pull against Ron? Or the most common Ron-bashing tropes (look at fanfics and watch the number of stories that use at least one of those)?

Ron is stupid/mediocre

Ron is lazy/useless

Ron resents his wife’s hard work/success

Ron is a homophobe

Ron is a drunkard

Ron (the big prude who at 16 had never kissed a girl and sees a first kiss as the prelude to a wedding) is massively oversexed and cheats on Hermione with anything that moves

Not only do these “reasons” completely ignore ALL OF RON’S CHARACTERIZATION - except for the “lazy” bit but come off it, all teenagers are lazy and Hermione’s the exception to the rule - but it matches perfectly with the negative stereotypes associated with working-class white men in fiction.

It’s also very funny to note how many (assumedly middle-class or financially secure) fans look down on Ron for being “whiny” or “greedy” when he expresses the desire to have money of his own, or blame his parents for “not knowing when to stop” or “being irresponsible”, or even look down on them for being “too proud to accept help”!! Also how shocked people are when Ron dares to stand up for himself when Hermione or Harry act badly towards him. How dare this country boy not listen to the wisdom of his social “betters”?

So, obviously, because our Heroine can’t go with a Nasty, Mediocre Working-Class Man, she must be paired off with someone of Proper Status: say, a Hero that was raised in a middle-class home and might be a bit psychologically damaged but it’s nothing all those gold coins in his vault can’t fix; or this Rich Posh Aristocrat who actively rooted for her death, he’s a little bit eccentric and has some exotic pet-names to call you, but I’m sure you’ll learn to love him and will unearth the gold coins in his bank account… I mean, the heart of gold that lies within the surface; oh, why not a Way Too Big An Age Difference Teacher if you’re looking for a “cultured man” who has zero things in common with you; we can also bring Convenient Plot Device Famous Rich Foreign Athlete if you want some diversity and you don’t feel original!

But we can’t - oh, we mustn’t let her be with this Terrible Working-Class Boy! His brothers are fine, they have money, they have jobs, so they’re obviously Not As Mediocre. But let our precious Hermione be with this Just-Got-Out-Of-School hooligan? She can’t possibly be in love with him! You’ll see darling, you’ll get bored eventually! He’s too mediocre for you, you deserve a man who outclasses you - I mean, who can provide for you! You’re a fragile little flower who scars people for life when she’s not happy with them, what makes you think that this boy can possibly handle you even though he’s done so for the past seven years?

You wanted it, you got it.

People are shallow, have misconceptions about Ron’s character that they are unwilling to correct or use classist and sexist arguments to try to make it so that either Ron is the Devil himself / Hermione is a higher kind of being that can only orgasm if sufficiently “intellectually stimulated” / what-have-you.

So I finally watched The Owl House

I wish I’d do this with every show I watch but it seems like only a lucky few get the She-Ra style rant of love treatment. Well, I finally watched The Owl House after my dash having been flooded for the past couple of weeks and I have some thoughts. Slight spoilers below.

First off, I love the whole vibe. I had a faint idea that this show would be about magic but I didn’t know much before watching - except for one thing, we’ll get back to that. The way it builds its world and deals with magic, though, is so refreshing. And I just have to mention here that I laughed out loud at all the Harry Potter jabs, they were hilarious. I expect we’ll learn much more about magic and its users as the show goes on but as far as the first season goes the introduction was really solid. It strikes the right balance between leaving things to the imagination but being more than “wave wand and magic happens”. It’s colourful, it’s creative, and I even like the ovens and school tracks, despite knowing that the story is about not conforming to those. It makes the Boiling Isles unique and make me want to learn more about the world even beyond the characters and the main plot.

TOH also presents a world that’s much more macabre than I was expecting from the Disney Channel, not that that’s a bad thing. I found myself thinking of Adventure Time at certain points and pondering, at scary moments, how kids would react. I think kids love this, though, and besides, nothing can be more scarring than Courage the Cowardly Dog was. It’s not that terrifying, of course, just daring enough to stand out. Overall the show has what I would classify as more of a Cartoon Network vibe than a Disney Channel one, but I admittedly haven’t really been following many Disney shows. In any case, I dig it. I dig the weird creatures and the beautiful backgrounds and I appreciate how alive the Boiling Isles feel. It doesn’t take long for TOH to immerse you in its world so I’m for one am hooked.

I make a big deal of loving the world itself because rarely does it happen that world-building stands out to me so soon in a series. I do love carefully constructed fantasy worlds but for the most part I’m more interested in the characters themselves. Here, I’d say it’s close to being a 50-50, which is something that even Avatar can’t say with its elemental masterclass in world-building (which is mostly because the character depth there is unrivaled but still). So yeah, kudos to The Owl House for achieving this. From Luz’s glyph magic to the covens and the titans, I’m excited to explore this world more.

Now, the characters. The real meat of any story. Starting with Luz, I have seen some criticism that she’s a generic hero so far, the “I’m a weirdo”, heart of gold, upbeat variety. I don’t think this makes her bland, though I do admit that being told over and over again that she’s weird makes me less engaged, even she’s also shown to be weird. I like the message of her arc and that the chosen one trope was deconstructed almost right away. I like that she’s relentlessly enthusiastic and kind to people and I like that she doesn’t have to get more bitter in order to get development. Instead, she learns from her mistakes but keeps being herself and brings her unique spirit to the Boiling Isles. We need protagonists like Luz, not just because she’s latina and bisexual but because her learning process doesn’t involve cynicism. Sure, there is a lot she needs to learn but her heart is presented as an asset and a sort of source of magic. I’m excited to see where her story goes, for sure.

I’m gonna write briefly about the other characters before I get to my favourite one. Eda is super cool and I quickly got over the fact that she’s not Beatrice Horseman, lol. She embodies such a youthful energy but the show also allows her to be a middle-aged woman comfortable in her own body - well, owl curse notwithstanding. Also, her relationship with Lilith is one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Eda subverts so many of the mentor’s traditional tropes and I’m here for it. I kinda thought she was the villain based on her design and when I didn’t know anything about the show but hey, happy she’s not.

I don’t think I’d even seen a picture of King before starting to watch the series and at first I thought I’d get tired of him real quick. He’s the type of character who can get really annoying instead of endearing really fast if he’s not given any depth or charm, both by way of writing and voice acting. Luckily, I ended up liking King and his antics. His design is indeed adorable and Alex Hirsch is a genius. The only time I felt like he went too far was, perhaps surprisingly, in the book writing episode, “Sense and Insensitivity”, but even there going too far was the point. So yeah, King’s also great, there’s much potential in his backstory and general character.

Alright so really quickly, other characters: Willow and Gus are generic best friend characters and though they already have other things going on, I expect more development as the series progresses. I like that Willow is actually super powerful, just not in the way people expected her to and Gus is clearly also talented despite being younger. I’d be happy to see more of the other kids, get more familiar with Hexside. Edric and Emira are fun characters but they were really shitty in their first episode so I was kind of surprised they weren’t more of a nuisance to Amity later on. I’m all for supportive siblings so I wouldn’t mind a good relationship between the three but I feel like it’s more complicated than that with the Blights.

Finally, I also have to mention that Hooty is... well, quite something, isn’t he. Much like with King, I thought he’d be much more annoying but somehow the show is self-aware enough that it makes Hooty tolerable. I’m almost always torn between feeling sorry for him and being thoroughly weirded out, and I think that’s the intention? It’s fitting that he’s the titular character as he embodies the tone of The Owl House well in my eyes. He’s there for the comedy but there’s just enough there to hint at something more. Very bizarre, strong CN vibes, here for it.

Now that I’ve written a paragraph more about Hooty than I expected to, let’s talk about Amity. Listen, no other character stood a chance to be my favourite as soon as I learned Mae Whitman voiced Amity. That woman gave me Katara so now I have a quasi Pavlovian response to her voice. I’d also say that I knew more about Amity going into the show than I did about any other aspect of TOH. I heard somewhere that she started out as an antagonist, I knew her parents were abusive, and the reason the show blew up on my dash and my general online bubble is the Grom episode. Lucikly I only saw stills of Lumity beneath the crescent moon but the pure Sapphic energy of that was enough to gay migrate me to this show. I’d like to note it here though that The Owl House is a good show in and of itself, the queer rep is just a nice extra. I’m gonna spend the next couple hundred words going on about Amity and her crush on Luz but I don’t value only that. The Gay Migration is great and rep is great but I’m also grateful to have a solid show behind it. That being said.

I’m a total dyke for Amity Blight. I was very biased before even being introduced to her character but I genuinely find her to be fascinating and she has great potential. She’s developing quite quickly, like much of The Owl House, but an arc not being stretched out for several seasons before getting a rushed conclusion is refreshing. The progress hits all the beats and the only note I have is that I want more. She starts out as a generic bully but the opportunity to be more is there from the beginning. We find out early on that she used to be friends with Willow, we see that she works hard and values honest work. When she becomes Luz’s rival, it doesn’t last long before Amity shows that she’s open to new perspectives. That’s not to defend or even justify her earlier and nastier moments, Amity was rude to both Luz and Willow. But through all that, she becomes a complex character who does bad things but isn’t a bad person and grows when she gets the space to. I think that’s neat.

Luz’s decision to befriend her might be cartoon logic but as someone who subscribes to the “kill them with kindness” ideology, I can totally relate. Amity’s softer side doesn’t take long to show and “Lost in Language” is such a great episode to show how complex people can be. Again, I was already biased when it came to Amity but she’s consistently shown to be capable of self-reflection and growth when others give her the chance. I think her past and potential future friendship with Willow is a great way to explore many different topics and I’m trusting the show to do it justice. I also can’t wait to meet the rest of the Blights, if only to get me some angst and further develop Amity. I half expected Grom to take the form of her parents. Too dark for Disney? Well, we don’t know Amity’s dynamic with her parents, exactly, but there’s so much subtext and potential. I love what we’ve already seen from her but I’d also say that she has one of the greatest potentials in the show.

Another way in which this potential manifests is Lumity, of course. Again, they’re developing quite quickly but that doesn’t mean it’s rushed. I’d love to explore Amity’s crush more and what Luz means to her. The Grom episode surpassed all expectations, still and gifs don’t do the stunning dance sequence justice. The animation is so smooth, the colours are amazing, the music is on point and the Sapphic vibes complete the picture. Poetic cinema, truly. Molly Ostertag and Noelle Stevenson are really out there giving wlw animation fans everything we ever wanted, huh. It also warms my heart that the crush is made very clear, not just by Luz’s name being on the note but by the delightful gay disaster that is Amity in “Wing It Like Witches”. I never thought I’d ever see such a relatable useless lesbian in animation so kudos to Dana Terrace and the whole crew. Wow, how far we’ve come.

So yeah, Amity is a funky little lesbian and I’m a 100% here for her gay disaster moments, but I also love where Lumity is going thematically. They’re great as foils and I’m hoping that they won’t get together at the very end. Look, I love me some Bubbline, Korrasami and Catradora, but it’s time a wlw relationship had the chance to exist onscreen and not only in the last episode. The Owl House has a great chance to do that. I know the creators don’t want romance to be the main focus and I respect that, I think the world they created deserves to showcased and explored to its full potential. Lumity could be a great subplot though, as representation on the one hand and as a thematically interesting dynamic on the other. Plus, Luz and Amity are just cute and sometimes, it’s as simple as that. Oh, and also the whole Little Miss Perfect thing? One of the best fandom discoveries I’ve made in a long while. Not only is the song truly perfect for Amity, I love that Joriah Kwamé went on to write Ordinary as well. This right here is why fandom is beautiful.

I think that’s about it for season 1 initial thoughts. The moral can be a bit on the nose at times, especially in the early episodes but the show is ultimately for kids and I appreciate its message. Interesting world and magic system, good characters, great potential for later seasons, just a well put together show that I’m really glad I started watching. I’m kind of sorry I didn’t keep up with season 1 as it was coming out but I would not have been able to wait between episodes. The pacing is good overall, deffo moves fast but I wouldn’t call it rushed, and the “filler” episodes still add something to the story. I’m not sure if I would still feel like the show moves at a fast pace if I hadn’t binged it but in any case it isn’t rushed, the necessary beats are all there and have time to sit. I’m going to watch as it comes out from now on so hopefully season 2 will arrive early next year.

Oh, and: I’m very new to the fandom, barely just found out about Little Miss Perfect, so any and all tidbits, fun facts, and fic recommendations are welcome. Also if you just want to chat my inbox is always open!

book recommendations?

Hello Anon! This is very vague, but I will take this as an opportunity to recommend some wonderful books across all sorts of different genres. Put on your seat belt, wear a mask, log into your goodreads app, and prepare to be bombarded with an even longer never ending TBR list. 

||Nonfiction||

Notes of A Native Son by James Baldwin: If you haven’t read anything by Baldwin yet, this is a great place to start. This book is a collection of ten nonfiction essays primarily focusing on issues of race in America and Europe. Baldwin’s writing style is unlike any other, and in my opinion, is the equivalent of jazz on the page if such a thing does exist. His words will get you lost and challenge your understanding of the world as you know it, only to bring you to the profound realization that you did not in fact know the world very well at all. 

The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison: I wouldn’t necessarily call this a medical memoir, rather this book is a collection of essays focusing on empathy via stories relating in some way to medical topics. Jamison’s writing style is highly engaging and she forces the reader to ask themselves some very difficult questions about themself and their role in the world. Empathy is a complex thing, and if you’re interested in understanding the nuances of the subject, and perhaps learning more about yourself, I would very much recommend this book. 

||Historical Fiction||

Small Island by Andrea Levy: Set in and around WWII, the story follows the main characters Hortense, Gilbert, Queenie, and Bernard in a rather nonlinear recounting of events taking place in Jamaica, England, America, and India. The novel explores the complicated issues of Great Britain’s colonization of Jamaica, and the rough transition for Jamaican’s living in England to help support the wartime effort. I listened to the audiobook for this one and the voice actors did a fantastic job of giving each character a distinct and easily identifiable voice and personality. I think there is also a BBC adaptation of the book. 

The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom: Not sure if this technically qualifies as historical fiction, but I’m putting it here because it does a great job of tracing a lot of the evolution of modern popular music. I will never stop recommending this book. The novel is narrated by the entity of music and follows the life of Frankie Presto in a sort of Forrest Gump like fashion. I won’t say much about the plot, but I will tell you this book will make you laugh, cry, and everything in between. Please read this book. 

||Fiction||

Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis: This book is told from the pov of Clay, a wealthy kid from California who goes to college in the Northeast. The novel follows his time at home during winter break and highlights the more unsightly aspects of the rich elite on the West Coast. This book made me feel sort of dead inside and pessimistic about the world, so I’m not sure it would be the best book to read right now given current events. But if your mental health is stable and in a good place, this is a quick read and an all around good book. 

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan: While the movie received some harsh criticisms, I really enjoyed this book. Kwan has a unique style and is able to tell the story from many different points of view without the characters getting lost or blending together. Often times I have a difficult time keeping track of names and relationships if there is a large cast of characters, but Kwan does a fantastic job. If you enjoy juicy family drama and heartwarming friendships, I recommend giving this a read. It’s also set in Singapore which was a first for me to read about and definitely convinced me to add a trip to Singapore on my bucketlist. 

||YA Fiction||

We All Looked Up by Tommy Wallach: I read this book in two days when I was fifteen and it immediately found a permanent place in my heart. This book is about the potential end of the world from the perspectives of high school students in a style reminiscent of The Breakfast Club. I remember reading this and thinking “wow, this dude just really gets it” because Wallach perfectly captures my teenage angsty self. This is also a fitting read since it seems like the world is ending these days. I also recommend Thanks For the Trouble by Tommy Wallach because it’s an incredibly unique, intriguing, and just plain weird story. Wallach enjoys ambiguity in his stories, so if you’re into that kind of negative capability, then his books might just be a good match for you. 

The Illuminae Files by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff: This is technically YA sci-fi, but this is my list and I’m putting it here anyway. I’m personally not much of a sci-fi reader, so I don’t remember why I thought to pick up this series, but I am so glad I did. Illuminae has pretty much every sci-fi trope you can think of all wrapped into one marvelous multi-media kick-ass space story. The books themselves look thicc, but don’t let that turn you away. Despite the books having many pages, the story is told through emails, security camera footage logs, journal pages, text messages, and many pictures which makes for a speedy read. I recommend the Illuminae Files for those who don’t read sci-fi, but are willing to give it a try. 

Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi: I read this book at pretty much the perfect time in my life and I think that’s probably why I enjoyed it so much. The book is about Penny and her journey as she begins college at UT Austin and the anxieties/challenges that come along with that. Friendships, mother/daughter relationships, romance, drama, and a whole lot of social awkwardness. I’d recommend this to college students and or those about to go to college because I think most will find this book quite relatable in at least some way. The book reassures us that we are not alone in our awkward transition stages of life. 

All For the Game by Nora Sakavic: This series is about a fictional sport called exy. Yes, that’s right, I’m recommending you books about a sport. Exy is sort of like lacrosse, but like better, more aggressive, and more drama. The series is about the main character, Neil Josten, who is on the run from his mob boss dad. Neil finds solace in exy and is actually not that bad at it. He goes to college, joins the Palmetto State Foxes exy team, and it’s all uphill (downhill?) from there. This series has unforgettable characters, lots of drugs and violence (don’t read if that triggers you), lots of gay, and lots of exy. For a book series about a sport, All for the game is amazing and I recommend it to everyone looking for a binge read. Note: I’ve heard physical copies are hard to find, but the ebook version is available through the kindle app and probably other places too. 

||YA Fantasy||

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas: oooooookay here we go. This series makes me weep just thinking about it, that’s how much I love it. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that just hit me. so. hard. So many emotions. The series follows Celaena Sardothein, an assassin, and essentially her journey to becoming herself. Vague, I know, but I seriously cannot give anything away. SJM’s worldbuilding is next level and her characters are probably my favorite aspect of any and all of her books. I’ll also recommend her A Court of Thorns and Roses series here for the same reasons even though it’s been rebranded as “new adult fantasy.” Celaena is probably my favorite main character of all time, and I cannot fully express how much her story means to me. Throne of Glass is easy to follow and great for getting into the fantasy genre if it’s something you’ve never read before. Please give these books a try, I am begging you. 

The Remnant Chronicles by Mary E. Pearson: The first book of this trilogy easily has one of the most shocking plot twists I have ever read. If that doesn’t pique your interest, I don’t know what will. Sorry. The Remnant Chronicles is a sort of milder fantasy than Throne of Glass, but fantasy nonetheless and super underrated. I’d recommend this series to people who enjoy stories about the politics of fantasy worlds, romance, and friendship. I let my little sister read my copies and she got through them in less than a week (I think) and could not stop raving about them. 

The Raven Cycle by Maggie Steifvater: I think magical realism is a better genre for these books, but I’m putting them here under YA fantasy anyway. Fight me. Above anything else, you will fall in love with these characters. Set in Virginia, the Raven Cycle is honestly strange (in a good way) and tells the story of a group of friends’ quest to find some sleeping Welsh king. While the series is mostly about finding that damn king, there is a healthy amount of romance, swearing, clairvoyance, yogurt, latin, and all around good times. Steifvater’s writing style is unique, and with that it is admittedly a bit difficult to get into at first. But please stick with it! I promise it’s worth it! One of my favorite series ever, highly recommend. 

||Short Stories||

Here is a list of short stories I enjoy. Not gonna do a whole synopsis for each, but take my word for it and pls read them.

-Tall Tales from the Mekong Delta by Kate Braverman

-Two Kinds by Amy Tan 

-The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

-Jealous Husband Returns in Form of Parrot by Robert Olen Butler

-The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas by Ursula K. Le Guin

-Girl by Jamaica Kincaid

-The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe

-The Secret Goldfish by David Means

-The Lottery by Shirley Jackson

-A Temporary Matter by Jhumpa Lahiri

-The Cavemen in the Hedges by Stacey Richter

-The Bad Graft by Karen Russell

-Eveline by James Joyce

I hope these recommendations are helpful in contributing to your summer reading and on-going TBR list. This is probably not what you were expecting when you simply asked “book recommendations?” but here you go. Happy reading, whoever you are. 

:)

How do u feel about Mabel

I have an unending sense of adoration for what Mabel contributes to Gravity Falls. Technically, Mabel isn’t a favorite of mine – I don’t think of her or relate to her as much as others like Stan, Ford, Dipper, or Fiddleford. However, my appreciation for her is endless.

Gravity Falls couldn’t exist without Mabel. The story’s heart would be crippled. Mabel’s energy and charm provides a unique personality to the show through her unique personality. The show wouldn’t have the same vibe without her ridiculousness! Plus, GF is a story of familial love. And Mabel, as half of the younger Pines twins duo, is essential to giving us the feels of what it means to be in a loving but emotionally complicated family. They couldn’t have picked a better personality to interact with Dipper and Stan for the narrative’s central trio. The combination of Mabel’s vivacity, Stan’s gruffness, and Dipper’s paranoia… is what sells us on this cast. (With Bill, Soos, Wendy, Ford, Pacifica, Gideon, etc. making great additions.)

That’s already enough to celebrate Mabel, but I can’t say this enough: Mabel is the fulfillment of my greatest wish for women characters:

Let women be weird.

The Limited Scope of Female Personalities in Media

All genders get roped into stereotypical personalities in media, but I feel like women especially get reduced. I struggle relating to and loving fictional women… because they feel like the same restrictive subset of personalities I’ve seen reiterated again and again and again and again and again. 

There’s the rude, prissy, popular rich girl. 

There’s that easygoing cool tomboy. 

There’s the hot, edgy, serious, sexy, COOL, highly skilled badass action woman who is the most hardcore of the main cast, hides a sense of internal empathy and compassion, but warms up from her coldness when she meets the main character lead… and then probably goes and kisses him once he, despite being a rookie, magically manages to best her years of hard training.

*ka-sigh*

Even when a fictional woman doesn’t hit something that cringeworthily stereotypical, she still feels… bland. Fictional characters can be enjoyable exaggerations of personality traits – we have the opportunity to create as weird, ridiculous, or diverse of individuals as we possibly can. And yet usually women aren’t written to be as wild or diverse in their personalities as men. The ladies will probably look standardly pretty, act standardly reasonable, act standardly feminine, and make standard choices. Women characters in a cast often feel the least distinct to me. I’m probably not going to find quirks in my ladies or something that sets them apart from the crowd. Let’s be real: media depicts women according to societal expectation. Women in media are reduced to a washed-out, generic fantasy that doesn’t relate anything to how women feel, nor does it try hard to relate to what women feel.

The writing doesn’t understand women. And I can feel it.

When a bland, stale action woman goes on screen in her hot sexy tight pants, is her presentation supposed to be female empowerment (she’s fighting [gasp!])? Or is it another quick, uninspired shortcut without thinking through what her humanity is? “She fights, she’s a ‘good’ female role model, that’s good enough.” Still caters to the male gaze, still caters to male fantasy for what an attractive woman is like, still doesn’t think through her psychology, still presents media’s “desire” for what women “should” be like.

We drastically need to improve how women are written.

You know what my women friends are like? Women are loud and unashamed belchers. Women crack terrible puns about the French Revolution while everyone boos. Women dress up their stuffed animal cats in goggles and a lab coat. Women geek out over how cute worms are. Women want to kill the opposing team in sports competitions. Women eat food off the floor. Women spend sleepovers watching chick flicks and musicals. Women shriek screamo songs at the top of their lungs, getting maybe a third of the lyrics right, racing through the night in their car twenty miles over the speed limit. Women spend thirty five minutes trying to get the perfect selfie because their hair finally fucking cooperated. Women repeatedly text their friends photos of them flipping the bird making derp faces. Women play beer pong until they’re drunk. Women do unnecessarily complicated mathematics calculations to prove their point in fandom. Women stay up all night screaming murder at first person shooter video games. Women play shitty pop song covers on their tubas. Women spend an hour and a half dyeing their hair pink in the sink (and dye the entire bathroom pink in the process). Women debate the finer points of Immanuel Kant with one another. Women demand their friends dish the details when they hear someone has a new significant other. Women binge watch anime eating frozen dinners heated from the microwave while sobbing out their mascara. Women get crushes on Simba or Kovu from The Lion King. Women work out at gyms because they want to get RIPPED. Women. Are. Diverse. And. Delightfully. QUIRKY.

I know I ranted a long time about it, but the point is to show the difference between what women are (personable and peculiar)… versus the stale bread, watered-down crap we get in the movies.

So this. This is why I will never quit raving about Mabel.

Mabel finally lets us see an ACTUAL GIRL as ACTUAL GIRLS act: she’s delightfully, realistically, over-exaggeratedly, charmingly, unforgettably WEIRD.

Instead of trying to write a “girl” first and getting tied up in the tropes and gender biases, Gravity Falls writes a character who happens to be a girl with some girl traits.

What Makes Mabel Different

Instead of writing some standard bland stereotyping “oh this feels vaguely feminine and attractive” excuse-for-a-cardboard-cutout-of-a-woman… Mabel is given real love, real personality, real demonstration of what women are. After all these years of me suffering in theatres thinking, “Oh look, it’s the same uninspired sexy badass action woman stereotype,” I can finally find a character who’s not what media pretends women should be like. I see a character who the writers actually thought about her personality for!

Gravity Falls allows a woman character to do things I almost never see of women characters.

For starters: Mabel’s gross. She finds leftover tacos in the backseat of the car and decides it’s a perfect snack. She sticks her head into a dusty barrel and laughs when caterpillars crawl over her face. She makes fart sounds and laughs at those fart sounds. She lets a statue pick her nose. She shoves food into her mouth voraciously. She’s animated with wild, ridiculous, non-flattering facial expressions. Gravity Falls allows Mabel to be gross.

This is already amazing to me. Cartoons are a little better than live action movies, where the latter can’t let a woman look imperfect when she’s crying or fighting villains. But cartoons often have limitations for how women are shown, too. It’s refreshing to see a girl who is gross.

And I don’t know about you, but I’d be hard-pressed to name even three other contemporary Western women characters who’re allowed to be girly AND gross. Mabel Pines. Princess Fiona. The list ends there for me? Sometimes I’ll see girls in media dressed with “unruly” appearances – their hair is SLIGHTLY frazzled and they wear glasses (gasp) – but that’s not real grossness, and it’s especially not grossness combined with girliness.

Gravity Falls isn’t afraid to make Mabel both gross and “girly”, and that’s special.

Next, Mabel’s girliness feels authentic. By “girliness” I mean Mabel taking actions according to Western societal gender norms for ciswomen. I don’t mean that’s how girls have to innately be. I hate the idea that people “should” behave according to gender roles and encourage us all to express our individuality. Anyway. Yes, most women in media have girliness to them… but nothing prepared me to seeing a twelve year old girl act like the twelve year old girls I knew.

Mabel loves bright colors, rainbows, unicorns, cute boys, formal dances, boy bands, and looking cute. These are girly traits and girly interests. But the way they show Mabel, Candy, and Grenda bonding over boy talk at a sleepover? That ridiculous, unrestrained screaming, combined with the mischievous grins, is exactly the sort of stuff I grew up with. It’s not just “oh we wrote a girl who likes pink and makeup who gets catty about crushes” – it’s “oh, we wrote a girl who enjoys her girly side like a twelve year old would!”

Gravity Falls allows Mabel to live according to some elements of the gender norm. The show doesn’t tote the idea that people live without gender influence, that people live in a vacuum of culture. It shows people in society often live by some pattern of gender roles. But, the show doesn’t make Mabel be that norm or preach she should be that norm. Honestly, I don’t see many shows try to strike this balance: willing to give characters gender role interests, while still respecting that everyone is unique and doesn’t need to live by those roles. Either the shows completely drop gender roles (which can be refreshing and help us overcome our biases) or they stick too close to assumptions that your gender = your brain, which is backwards thinking.

GF doesn’t lazily pin a character with girly traits because “that’s what women are.” It doesn’t stop at some assumptive “She wears pretty boots.” It understands Mabel’s psychology, lets her express that girliness unrestrained, provides her screen time to live this (!!! screen time to girl time in an all-gender-demographic-show!!!), and allows her to intersect that girliness with her grossness and her weirdness.

Next, Mabel is allowed to be confident and bold. Society isn’t good with women being bold and outspoken yet. Women often get criticized for being bossy, bitchy, obnoxious, etc. when they speak their minds and act with the confidence that men are “allowed” to have in their daily lives. And yet Mabel can be an outspoken and unrestrained character.

It works well for her age, too! 

Last, Mabel is weird. Mabel has quirks. I’ve said this three hundred times and I’ll say it three hundred more, but Mabel being weird is a delight. It’s not often that women are allowed to be the ridiculous comedic side in children’s / family animation. (Yay Ruffnut for also fulfilling this role.) 

Mabel is unrestricted, allowed to be a wild dork on screen. She’ll eat tubes of toothpaste because they’re sparkly, make “Mabel juice” with plastic dinosaurs in the pitchers, dress pigs in costume, knit scratch-and-sniff sweaters, slap stickers on her uncle’s nose, scream for a minute straight before coughing up glitter, dream up the centaurtaur, and more. 

But it’s not just that. It’s her mindset. Mabel’s excitement for things – down to an eight legged cow having “more limbs for hugging” – is a perspective I essentially never see in stories. She’s got a way of looking at the world like no one else I know. It’s a wild, bizarre perspective… but that’s what makes her so good and human. 

Mabel has a “What the heck?” vibe from her, whether it’s her interests, her thought processes, or her choices.

And frankly, that’s so much more relatable, personable, and beautiful to me… than almost any other woman I see on screen in media. When I see Mabel, I can remember what I was like as a kid.

Although I’m non-binary, I didn’t grow up knowing about non-cis gender. I grew up more or less thinking of myself as a little girl. Many of my childhood experiences were with little girls. So, when I look at old photographs of myself, I see someone with unrestrained energy, joy, and weirdness - just like Mabel.

That is what kids are like, guys! That is what kids are like!

Not this weird restricted stereotype on television I see! But THIS.

So yeah. 

Even just from the topic “What does Mabel bring to women’s representation in media,” Mabel is a shooting star. She’s a success. I love it. It’s freeing, exciting, and refreshing to me, being able to see a woman character given this loving treatment. I’m passionate about women being represented well in media, and not in the sense of falsely-portrayed empowerment. Mabel is the glorious three-dimensional, unique, bizarre, memorable type of girl I want!

She’s worth celebrating for all her personality traits, too: her creativity, her energy, her lightheartedness, her love for her family. But that’s content for another essay.

In short: bless Mabel Pines. Bless, bless, bless Mabel Pines.

This is a damn great character.

Read this lesbian retelling of romance between Guinevere and Lancelot. It’s ok. Wish I could have liked it more, but due to some personal preferences I found it a bit underwhelming.

I like Arthurian legends and chivalric romances, and I like the story of Guinevere and Lancelot. Yes, I’m very much aware most people think it’s a story done to death and Lancelot is considered a boring Mary Sue. I make no attempt to hide the fact that the 2011 Takarazuka musical about the subject is like 98% of the reason I like the story. 

I can’t read about Lasse and not picture Makaze Suzuho in a silvery leather overalls armor.

The story is being told in first perspective, from Lasse’s point of view (now my nickname for Lancelot is truly fitting, because in this story she is a lass, heh heh). This is just a personal preference, but I don’t like this style. I prefer to see the story objectively, now Lasse passes her own judgment and opinion on everything and I can’t help but feel that it’s limiting. Also, damn does Lasse self monologue in a weird, cryptic manner. I know Arthurian myths aren’t known as stories grounded in reality and I know poetic language is to be expected. But sometimes Lasse’s thought process is hard to follow and she just says plain weird things. I get flashbacks to Rose of Versailles and Andre spewing out some nonsense about his love becoming a fossil encased in amber.

I do wonder if the writer is into Wicca or paganism, because there’s some pretty heavy anti-christian pro-paganism messages in the book. Lasse holds great respect for the old religion and one of the reasons she doesn’t like Arthur is because he is a Christian king. Which, for storytelling purposes, is understandable. The way Christianity wiped out the pagan religions of Europe by swordpoint (convert or have your head cut off) is a tragedy that isn’t often talked about (because there are other, more violent examples of forcibly spreading Christianity that tend to get the spotlight more). Of course Lasse, who was raised by Lady of Lake, a creature of old myths, would resent having this new religion replace all the ancient wisdoms she’d been taught and seeing the new faith shamelessly slap their holidays over the pagan festivals. 

The clash of these religions is an interesting part of world building. But Lasse’s view of the old religion as something sacred and flawless and perfect is naive and childish. It’s like reading the thoughts of someone who was brainwashed by a cult at a young age and so is incapable of finding faults in the doctrine or criticizing anything related to the practices. Pagan religions could (and often would) be used as a tool of power and be rooted in the same harmful ideas as Christianity. For a woman, it makes no difference if the one commanding her to “know her natural place” was a patriarchal male God or a sacred pagan Goddess, her freedom to choose for herself is still being taken away by a religion who wishes to control her. 

Lasse is secretly being raised as a boy, Rose of Versailles style. This means that once she is maturing, she must go through “an initiation ritual” meant for boys. This ritual? A fucking date rape. They make her drink some sort of drug or love potion and then provide a woman for her to sleep with so she can “become a man.” Once Lasse sobers up, she feels awful about what happened. And yet, even in this moment, realizing that she was drugged and made to have sex she didn’t want, she will not question the old religion. She will not criticize this disgusting practice, believing that though unpleasant, it must have been necessary for her to become adult. Yeah no, I’m sorry, but whenever religions start including sex in their rituals and pressure people into participating, a siren starts wailing in my head CUUUUUUUULLLLTTT! IT’S A FUCKING SEX CULT! GET THE MINORS OUT NOW!

I was happy, that the drugged rape doesn’t get described in detail. Sex is never described in detail in this book. In a way, I can see a scene where Lasse gets drugged to have sex could be a nod to the begetting of Galahad (which obviously won’t be happening in this version of the story). But still, I would have greatly appreciated if there hadn’t been a rape scene at all. The only kind of sex scenes I want in my books are the Sober and Enthusiastic Consent ones.

I once saw someone make a post that Lancelot and Gawain are the Arthurian version of Team Edward/Team Jacob. I must say, there’s a seed of truth in here. When you have a story where Gawain is the best knight and main character, Lasse tends to be painted as a selfish adulterous asshole who ruins everything, and when you have a story where Lasse is the leading role and painted as super virtuous, Gawain tends to gear up his negative traits. It’s like you can’t have both of them be likable at the same time. In this book, Gawain (and a whole bunch of other knights) get the asshole makeover treatment. Well, Gawain and Lasse do end up becoming friends but Gawain doesn’t stop being a jerkface and doesn’t really deserve Lasse’s friendship (If someone called my mother a whore, I would simply not forgive and befriend them. Rip to Lasse, but I actually care about my mother more than I do about some entitled dudebro.). I find this kind of writing a little lazy, making other characters pointlessly rude just so the main character looks better in comparison.

Ok, I’ve talked about the parts I didn’t like. Here’s some things I liked.

The book is illustrated. The art isn’t particularly fancy, but I liked it. I wish more books had illustrations, not just the books for kids.

The relationship between Lasse and Guinevere begins in their childhood, before Gwen is married to Arthur. I prefer love stories that give the characters a long period of time to develop their feelings for each other (as opposed to stories of them falling in love overnight Romeo&Juliet style). Also, it reminded me of the zuka musical.

Another thing I liked is that the relationship between Gwen and Lasse isn’t adulterous. They are very much in love with each other, but they won’t have sex. I would have forgiven them if they did, since Gwen didn’t have any say in her marriage and so it turned out a loveless political marriage. It’s a whole different thing to romanticize cheating and to understand that women in forced marriages had no other choice but to seek love of someone who loved her as a person, not as a moneybag. But Lasse and Gwen are virtuous, so they are above such thinking. When she married Arthur, Gwen made a promise to be faithful to him, and despite not loving him, she will not break this promise. Well, not until Arthur divorces her in favor of the False Guinevere.

Which brings me to the thing I probably liked the most - Gwen has an evil twin. And no, this isn’t the writer slapping some modern trope over a classic tale, this is a genuine legend. There are stories where Guinevere has a sister who seeks to replace her. Seeing a lesser known legend get adapted brought a smile to my face. We can tell a story of Gwen and Lasse without using the same old stories of Grail quest and abduction of Guinevere. It was fascinating. 

Once the False Guinevere has convinced Arthur that she is the real queen, Gwen is cast out (well, after Lasse has to fight for her honour to save her from death penalty). Lasse and Gwen travel to Galehaut’s place (a friend of Lasse’s) and there, freed from her promise, Gwen finally has sex with Lasse. And only now, very close to the end of the book, is it revealed that Lasse is actually a woman. Saving this plot twist to so near the end feels a bit unnecessary, because I’m pretty sure 9 out of 10 people who buy this book already know about it and, much like me, bought the book exactly because of it. I can’t really imagine there being very many who managed to get to the end and actually be surprised.

The book kinda has a happy ending, but that’s partly because it ends before shit hits the fan re: Mordred. Mordred is in the book, but he’s only discussed about, never seen. There’s plenty of hints and foreshadowing that Arthur’s reign will come to a violent end some day. But the book leaves that to our imagination.

This is a decent book. If you’re into women and chivalric romance, go for it. But if you prefer a love story with more overtly sensual take on the intimate scenes, you might be happier with some other book, this one is very chaste. Also, you have to be willing to only see the story from Lasse’s perspective, and you have to be ok with Gawain being a prick. But all in all, it’s not a bad read. 

Michael in the Mainstream: The Nostalgia Critic

I have been a fan of the Nostalgia Critic for years now. That’s a rather controversial stance to take nowdays, especially in light of recent controversies; first was the big #ChangeTheChannel movement which had the entire site sans Brad Jones performing a mass exodus elsewhere with some even going so far as to brutally cut ties with Doug for his and managements failings (with Alison Pregler, AKA Obscurus Lupa offering some especially harsh words). Then was this year’s review of The Wall, where he utilized his divisive clipless style and his complete lack of a good singing voice to create what is hands down one of the worst videos – not even just review, VIDEOS – on YouTube. But even with those two things aside, I do think there is some value to the work of Doug Walker. He became popular for a reason, right? So what is that reason? Where did he go wrong?

Doug Walker began doing his Nostalgia Critic schtick in the wake of James Rolfe’s Angry Video Game Nerd becoming an internet icon, and he quickly became one of the bigger faces in the wake of imitators Rolfe spawned. The conceit of his show is rather simple – he reviews nostalgic movies, mostly stuff from the 80s or 90s, with occasional forays into the 2000s – all while parodying the typical internet film critic much as Rolfe parodied the typical nerd gamer. The Critic, you see, is not necessarily Doug, but instead a hyperactive psychotic manchild version of himself who screeches, shoots, and curses up a storm while reviewing movies. It wasn’t too different from other review shows at the time, really, but Doug had a sort of corny charm that really worked.

As time went on, production values slowly increased, Doug’s humor sharpened, and eventually actual thoughtful film analysis crept in, especially in the post-reboot episodes. In fact, that is something I generally like about Doug’s work, and why I even bother with him still: the man clearly has an understanding of film theory, he knows what he’s talking about, and when he takes the time to sit down and actually talk about movies he’s actually pretty insightful. I think of his reviews of stuff like Ghostbusters 2,where he actually gave a genuinely great alternate plotline for the film that would have better utilized the concepts and characters, or any of his numerous video essays on film issues like whitewashing. When it’s Doug just sitting down and talking about a film while cracking jokes here and there, it tends to be really good.

However, Doug has increasingly wanted to add some spice to his reviews in the forms of skits. And it’s not like there never were bits in his reviews back in the day, but post-revival He ramped up the amount of skits, utilizing a cast of friends, with the current mainstays being Malcolm Ray and Tamara Chambers. I do sort of like the weird cast of characters the show has amassed, and I think they really help give the show an identity to set it apart from other review shows. Malcolm and Tamara are honestly, genuinely funny and enjoyable, though the writing doesn’t always play to their skills and can sometimes be a bit obnoxious. I think I’d have to say Malcolm is probably my favorite of the bunch, as he has the wackiest roster of amusing characters, with roles such as Satan, Black Willy Wonka, and good ol’ Bill. And some of his best reviews have crazy skits. His Moulin Rouge review is a standout example; even if I don’t agree with his opinions, he manages to make the musical interludes fun, funny, and actually filled with some sort of commentary relating to the film.

I think the real issues with the skits is they sometimes bog down the reviews or go on for a bit too long.  Some of them also just plain aren’t funny at all, or they use really bottom of the barrel cringeworthy comedy that the Critic himself has criticized in his reviews. Of course, the pinnacle of these problems are his clipless reviews, which are basically just Doug and pals reenacting whatever movie he’s reviewing. On paper, this seems like a fun and amusing idea, but the execution is often extremely poor. See, the thing about the Nostalgia Critic is that you’re ostensibly going to him to see criticism and see if something is worth watching; the thing with his clipless reviews is that they require intimate familiarity with the source material for you to even get half of the jokes he’s making, which kind of defeats the point. This is one of the reasons his review of The Wall is so terrible; he’s taking a film that is incomprehensible and surreal and parodying it without explaining the context, so anyone unfamiliar with the movie will be lost.

And even if you are familiar, a lot of the parody can come off as mean-spirited or even filled with blatant lies. Doug has a tendency to overexaggerate and be hyperbolic when he’s in-character, so if he finds a serious flaw in the movie he’ll blow it up in his parody. His reviews of the It films really showcase this, as he sort of nitpicks things that really aren’t as big a deal as he makes them out to be, which has the unfortunate side effect of making his legitimate criticisms look a bit weaker. In fact, a lot of the time Doug comes off as genuinely hypocritical, mocking tropes and tools he himself frequently utilizes in his own reviews. It’s so weird, because despite all this as well as the cheap special effects and production values that Doug is clearly putting a lot of effort into acting out all these wacky parodies, but he just can’t act and criticize at the same time. At the very least, his clipless reviews lend themselves well to unintentionally hilarious, so bad it’s good territory.

I think a lot of why the clipless reviews and skits don’t work is because of Doug’s lingering resentment over the failure of Demo Reel, which was him trying to branch out after he retired the Critic. Of course had to fall back on the Critic; Demo Reel was not very popular, and people just wanted more of what Made Doug famous. I do like that he did try stuff to spice his show up to make it enjoyable for him again, but it’s still hard not to get the sense that Doug is still bitterly lashing out with his skits at the people who wouldn’t accept him branching out into attempts at legitimate acting. As such, they just feel like empty, over the top garbage that Doug is pushing out because he really wants to act, but he feels like he can’t because what people want is more Critic.

I guess in general it doesn’t help that Doug is just not a great actor. Just look at his performances in the anniversary movies, which horribly clash with the whiny manchild the Critic is portrayed as in the main show, orr even during some of the commercial skits he does, where he tends to overact or just get too childish and hammy. It’s so obvious to me that Doug really wants to be a legitimate actor but he just doesn’t seem to have the aptitude for it. He’s a lot better at comedy and criticism than he is at acting. Of course, that’s not to say he’s incapable of doing anything good; his review of that 3D Nutcracker movie, and in fact a lot of his more modern Christmas-related reviews, have some genuinely touching and heartfelt moments, and when Doug is staying true to the goofy, idiotic character of the Critic he can be really fun.

The Nostalgia Critic is not really a show I think I can recommend to most people. Hell, sometimes I feel like I only watch it because of, ahem, nostalgia. I definitely don’t think the show is void of good content, but when Doug drops something like The Wall, it makes me wonder… Still, I like to stick around, because when Doug hits it, he hits it out of the park. The problem is when he fails, he tends to fail in the most epic manner possible. He’s like that one bat in EarthBound which is super powerful but misses a lot, but when it hits, your opponent is pretty sure to get knocked out. I think a lot of Doug’s failings are carried by his supporting cast, and the flaws in his writing are only easy to swallow because of the genuine insights he offers. There’s just a lot to take into consideration when it comes to the Critic, it’s really hard to say if he’s good or bad. He just… is.

I definitely think some of what Doug does is bad and cringeworthy (I really can’t defend those sketches in the Deadpool 2 review or those awful Kermit puppets), but I think beneath the cringiness, beneath the overdone acting, and beneath the flaws, there are some good insights to be found about films and why they do and don’t work. I of course don’t agree with everything Doug says, but there is still genuine thought and effort. I don’t really know if I can say he’s worth going out of your way to watch, but popping in now and then to check out what Doug has to say isn’t a bad thing. I kind of wish he would go back to doing those video essays again, because I think that was some of his best work, or maybe stick to only reviewing stuff that he has some sort of genuine connection with. When he is really passionate about something, it really shows, because he puts care and effort into the analysis and is able to tell some genuinely good jokes in between snarking at the film. When he just doesn’t care… you get The Wall review. Yeah, that’s pretty much my go-to for awful Doug reviews, becauseit is emblematic of every single problem that has come to plague his worst efforts: lack of care, bad writing, crappy production values, overdone and overacted skits, manipulative editing, and zero insight into the film.

Still, as cringeworthy as he can get these days… I’ll take this version of Doug over the Bat Credit Card/Chuck Norris/Burger King “elephant”/forced meme version of Doug from his early days.

I’m Michael Ford. I remember the Nostalgia Critic so you don’t have to.

March 30th-April 5th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from   March 30th, 2020 to April 5th, 2020.  The chat focused on  Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson~! (http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until April 5th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Just starting the first chapter...hmm, what is the establishment hiding, that they're so against the idea of making new maps?

And I'm intrigued by the idea of a society that's frankly & cheerfully accepting of trans people, but also, doesn't know that lesbians exist? Or has a fixation on a super-narrow PIV-specific idea of virginity. Or both? If the issue was "this person can't be allowed to get pregnant before the arranged marriage or it would be A Scandal," that would be a logical reason to divide up which sexy things are "safe" vs. which aren't, but it isn't framed that way...

Okay, end-of-the-chapter blurb says that is what it's about. It's just odd that the dialogue was coy about "the issue is pregnancy" while being so blunt about other things. (I was just reading another comic with a trans princess character, and wow, what an awkward plot twist that could lead to. "So, the good news is, there wasn't an accidental pregnancy in the direction you were afraid of, but...")

"I made a fantasy trope in this comic work the way I wish it worked in a certain other canon" is such a great motivator.

Geez, this kid's only been adventuring for 5 minutes before someone gets murdered in front of him. Poor guy.

...on the bright side, oh good, the princess is aware that lesbians exist.

Loving this axolotl dragon art. http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/chapter-3-extras-17/

And the orca dragon that follows.

Have now read through the Dramatic Twist. Not gonna go into details for the sake of other first-time readers, but it's more complicated than these plots usually seem to get in fantasy settings, and I'm into it.

warriorneedsfood

I like the comic. The relationships are fun to watch develop. I found the character introductions a little awkward with the announcement of their various types of sexuality. But after establishing them, I found their personalities interesting and was looking forward to reading more.

RebelVampire

What I liked about the beginning of the comic is kind of just how quickly it starts world-building with stuff like the issue of discrimination in the market or just the general name dropping of stuff. All of it felt pretty natural, and as I consider world-building vitally important for fantasy, I really liked the comic didn't hide its punches. My favorite moment was actually when the stranger on the road said "please come help my wagon" and then it devolved into them being attacked. This is like one of the most stereotypical fantasy things to happen, but that's kind of why I liked it. It added familiar comfort food with all the new stuff, and I liked just having something like that 100% met my expectations for what was about to happen. My favorite character right now is definitely Taneli. I love just how sweet and accepting she is. But I also kind of like she's just really...not entirely capable because she's lived the sheltered palace life and not gotten out much. Usually that's something I'd find annoying, but something about Taneli just makes it work so I absolutely adore how overall innocent she is even in spite of being stuck in an arranged marriage. I like seeing Kitov and Taneli interact the most. They have a beautiful, touching, and supportive relationship going on and I like how theyre similar in regards to world experience. It doesn't make it feel like either of them is somehow superior or has the upperhand, so it's just communication between equals.

RebelVampire

As for the art, I really like the character designs. They aren't overly complicated, but are each very unique as well, and I think overall they got that right fantasy DnD vibe to them that just really suits the story being told. I kind of like that the story is exploring the theme of duty and arranged marriages. Usually when it comes to arranged marriage, 90% of stories write protagonists that do everything in their power to escape and express their individuality and freedom. But I like that this story is kind of exploring the idea of duty and how we as people deal with the concept. I also just in general like it's exploring the political things surrounding it. Like I love that frank conversation Taneli had with the king about marrying him for the kid to become the ruler, and he was completely unoffended seeming. This was just a real refreshing approach since as much as I love freedom, I also love talking about when duty needs to override freedom. As for what I like about the comic's story is that this really feels like a tabletop campaign. So many stories claim to be tabletop rpg-like, but they really deviate from the feel I imagine when I think of such a story. So I kind of like that this comic captures that spirit of adventure perfectly. As for the comic's overall strengths, for me it's just kind of the whole fantasy package. Between the art, the world-building, story's feel of being a tabletop, I think the comic is like the epitome of high fantasy and hits all the notes I personally believe high fantasies need to hit. So if someone said fantasy comic, this would be at the top of the list for a comic I would think of.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Why do you think King Rishor was murdered, and why was Taneli seemingly framed in the process? Also, how do you think Leo got involved in everything, and how big of a role do you think he had in the plot?

10. What do you think will happen to Kitov and company as they search for answers and try to avoid capture? Will the group be able to find Leo, and if so, will that be enough to clear their names of suspicion?

11. Given Kitov and Taneli are both similar in regards to their experience levels, how do you think the events of the story will change them and their perspectives on the world? In what ways do you think they’ll remain the same?

12. How do you think the world itself will be affected by King Rishor’s death? Could it escalate into a war, or might Minash Turgal change for the worse? How will this affect characters like Lirre who helps Kitov and company out?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I get the impression King Rishor was probably murdered for two reasons. Once, to destabilize the country/kingdom/w/e you wanna call it, and two to start some sort of war (hence why you frame Taneli). Leo I think is just the pawn of someone else. In some ways, I kind of feel like Leo is a victim of great pain and that pain was somehow manipulated for nefarious means. As for Kitov and company, I think they'll find Leo, but heck no will that clear them of suspicion. You can't just escape and have no consequences or continued suspicion. That will not play into their favor. SO they're gonna have to just dig deeper and deeper into the plot and still run from the law at every turn. Though I do kind of feel they'll wind up back home at some point and find out things are bad there too somehow. As for the world itself, since I already mentioned this, I do think there's gonna be war brewing. Maybe not get to the point where it happens, but people will be scrambling around to prevent it and there'll probably be lots of angry people causing havoc in Minash Turgal cause these are the sorts of things where people need someone to blame. I think Lirre will probably be fine because I don't want to think about bad things happening to Lirre O_O Finally, regarding Kitov and Taneli changing. I think they're both gonna gain some smarts from this. I feel like Kitov could learn some more street smarts and learn that not every nice seeming person is a good person and that it's okay to distrust people you just met. Meanwhile, I think Taneli is just gonna learn the struggles normal people go through outside of the sheltered life she's lived, and that she'll be much wiser when it comes to politics. However, I think they'll both remain lovely people who are sweet and have that twinkle in their eye.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I feel like the murder of King Rishor was foreshadowed on this page: https://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/twelve-4/ With the whole "obviously the people like me, because if they didn't, they'd vote to replace me" bit. Like, sure, that's true on a country-wide scale... but votes are majority rule, not unanimous. And sometimes... the smaller group of people who disagree with you can be very vocal.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Taneli's my favorite too. She's very sheltered, but her heart's in the right place and she's adjusting as fast as she can, and she's active and enthusiastic which is great for plot motion. Plus, she gets the best clothes. I like the worldbuilding of "actually, our country has all kinds of mold-breaking things like non-hereditary elected rulers and public transportation." Here's hoping it catches on more widely. Leo's plotting is...complicated. Escorting the Princess gave him a great opportunity to get close for the assassination, and since he had the stuff in the luggage, it seems like he was plotting it the whole time. But the fact that Taneli was a Princess at all was supposed to be a secret from everyone except Kitov, right? The others were all surprised when it came out. Was it a plan that only came together when he arrived, and the poison was just planted to frame the others? Or was the poison in the luggage all along, and the secrecy of the whole mission was compromised from the beginning? Unrelated, I thought the sexual-orientation references were well-done. It's not like the whole cast sat in a circle and announced a list of identities each -- it came up naturally in one conversation with a few people, and they mentioned the parts of their experience that were relevant. Also really liked "masculinization potion." Some of the trans-related vocabulary stuck out from the rest of the dialogue, but this feels natural -- like, of course, those are the words a Medieval D&D Fantasy Person would use for it.

RebelVampire

What I'm most looking forward to seeing in the comic is probably just more of the plot revealed as to why assassinate the king and finding the whole motivation behind everything. Just because I'm hoping it opens up more questions to explore and also helps build the world. My final words are simply that this is a lovely comic with likeable characters and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes in terms of plot since the plot has definitely caught my interest.

Kytri

Hi, uh this is my first post here. I'm the writer/artist of Crypts and Cantrips. The week is over in about half an hour in my time zone, and I just wanted to stop in and say thanks for including my comic and for everyone's kind words.

My comics tend not to spark much discussion or feedback so it was a really nice change of pace.

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Crypts and Cantrips this week! Please also give a special thank you to Kieran Thompson for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Crypts and Cantrips, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://cryptsandcantrips.Kytri.net/

Kieran’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Kytri

Kieran’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/itsKytri

Kieran’s itch.io Store: https://Kytri.itch.io/

Kieran’s Teepublic page: https://www.teepublic.com/user/Kytri

Kieran’s TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Kytri

ooh i forgot to ask you but what did you think about chapter 2??

asdfghjkl i have Feelings™ and i’m making this public to see if other feels the same because rn i feel kinda lonely in my criticisms (anyway doron ily and feel free to dm me if you wanted this to be a private convo asdfghj). that said, i still really loved the movie as a whole, and i feel like it did hit the most important parts of the book in a mostly satisfying way. this answer is gonna be spoiler-heavy so like anyone reading this who doesn’t want spoilers can yeet themselves now.

starting with cons because i like saving the best things for last:

bev’s cycle of abuse storyline NEVER getting fully resolved. in the book tom has a super satisfying death and the movie completely ignored the entire thing. this felt messy/problematic as most abuse survivors will know that abusers tend to track their victims. knowing he’s still out there, if i were bev, would leave me forever nervous.

also bev’s being psychic from the deadlights (???) and saying they’ll all die if they don’t help is a moralistic cop out because it changes their basic motivations from love and goodness and light to just being scared they’re all going to die (meaning they didn’t fully conquer their fear or overcome it because they’d die anyway). (wouldn’t this also mean that richie became psychic after his run-in with the deadlights in the third act?? who knows because it wasn’t fleshed out any further)

eddie’s being used as comic relief. i laughed with everyone else when angel of the morning came on but like where’d it come from, y’all??? if anything paul bunyun should’ve been the comic relief scare.

mike’s parents being crackheads and dying in a fire (i know they did this in the first film too and it pissed me off just as much then). mike and his relationship with his father at his death bed was such a HUGE part of the book for me and they scrapped it completely for a racist trope AND robbed us of a black spot scene and the giant bird

barely anything of stan before he yeeted himself off the board. just like as a jew, i loved how the book handled the antisemitism of derry and the world at large. if handled correctly, it could’ve been super timely and relevant, but nope.

they left out don talking to the cops after adrian

henry bowers’s whole subplot was rushed and honestly could’ve been left out completely if they were just going to do it wrong like that

audra, where tf is audra

ALL THE CGI was laughable- mrs. kersh was honestly ruined for me with that last bit of cgi. it’s something that so easily could’ve been accomplished with practical effects (it’s basically the same makeup they could’ve copied from the bathtub scene in the shining), but this is a problem that’s pretty pervasive in the genre right now that andy falls into way too much

this is kind of a more arguable one, but leaving out the turtle and 'He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts’

amy adams not being cast over jessica chastain only because i really miss sharp objects and sofia/amy playing the same character

i also wish they’d gone into ben’s whole architect thing more and included how he’d subconsciously replicated part of the derry library in one of his buildings

the ending being so small in scale, like, the book had a bigger scope of the town and i missed that (also IT’s eggs)

i’m sure i have more but that feels like a lot so imma stop there

tldr; i have petty opinions on what they should’ve kept from the book and the look of the cgi

pros!!!

bill hader, BILL HADER, BILL HADER- an actor i’ve loved and believe in since his snl days a decade ago playing a character i’ve always related to and loved from a book i read a decade ago is more than i ever could’ve asked for and he stole the movie #hader2020

the expansion of richie’s sexuality. never explicit in the book, but a wonderfully worthwhile storyline in the film that hader and wolfhard both absolutely kill

THE BIRD PUZZLE !!!!

stan’s death being portrayed the way it was and not being used for shock value in the least!!! and andy bean in general!!!

xavier dolan as adrian was heartbreaking and he made me cry (people have mixed feelings about it being included in the movie but it’s important to recognize that it was based on a true story that largely inspired the book’s themes)

all the eddie x richie content… even 2 months ago i could never see this happening even though i’ve shipped it since i read the book and i’m still in shock tbh. the hammock scene was the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen in my entire life and i want it to play on my gravestone.

james ransone was perfect casting and i love him with all my heart, he played it perfectly and somehow made reddie mutual when the script didn’t make it fully clear

the scene transitions were gorgeous and almost made up for the shoddy cgi

STEPHEN KING’S CAMEO bitch give me $300

“ayooo silver away!!” being included

eddie getting stabbed in the face and still criticizing bower’s mullet and people still think he’s straight

 the “here’s johnny” moment

tHE BRIDGE

the turtle in ben’s classroom !!!

richie’s going to temple for stan !!!

benverly endgame!!!

my favorite addition was honestly the pomeranian and richie and eddie fawning over it (dog dads au pls)

i could literally mention every loser’s interaction with each other but this post would get even longer so yeah no

kiss me, fatboy

beep beep richie even if it was only really once

beverly smashing the mirror when ben is being carved up isn’t talked about enough but i loved that moment

the losers not forgetting each other was a welcome change from the book for me personally and i’m glad to see a stephen king adaptation somehow make the ending lighter than the book’s

i feel like most of the pros have been touched on at length on this website so i don’t want to list anymore and end up being repetitive, but i did adore the movie and i think it’s unlikely anyone would’ve made a version that would satisfy me more so i’m really thankful we got what we got.

what do you think about the prophecy? "He is the one who shall bring an age of darkness upon the world" what does this mean? is griffith really going to turn out being the bad guy( I hope not) or guts is going to change this prophecy somehow? (because he should have been a sacrifice but he is alive?) also why does schierke call griffith false?

Ok so I re-read a bunch of scenes relating to the prophecy to try to come up with a decent answer, and honestly I think I might’ve been better off just going “idk probably depends on your pov” lol.

But I came up with some things to say and I’ll try to lay out my thoughts in a somewhat organized way here, so bear with me.

At the end of the Eclipse, Slan is all, now that the fifth angel is here the time of darkness descends. Then she defines exactly what the Age of Darkness will entail:

Soon Farnese shows up and recites the prophecy. This also happens right after the Eclipse, before the Black Swordsman arc will have taken place, two years before the next time we see these guys:

The fifth angel, the Hawk of Darkness, pretty obviously Femto. There’s no mystery here.

And honestly, the Age of Darkess is pretty explicitly discussed during the Conviction Arc. There’s really no mystery there either, at least not yet.

(I’m relatively certain that last line is essentially identical to “they sensed intuitively” from NGriff’s resurrection, and which I’ve also seen translated as “knew,” and so I wouldn’t put too much stock in the word “believed” there as purposefully leaving room for doubt, just fyi.)

Like, this is hammered in over and over. This prophetic dream of plague and natural disasters and war and famine, followed by Laban bemoaning the state of the world as these events come true and he encounters a landslide and a village full of plague, and we see tens of thousands of starving refugees outside the Tower of Conviction, and Kushan war elephans make an early appearance, etc.

Dark shadow, darkness that covers the world, thick darkness, utter darkness, etc etc. It’s not subtle, and it’s pretty clearly the intended follow-through to Slan’s words and Farnese’s prophecy. The Conviction Arc shows us the world that’s shitty enough to motivate humanity to will a saviour into being.

Also while Age of Darkness sounds a little too impressive to be boiled down to a measley 2 years that suck extra hard, I’d argue that this is more like the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Plague and famine etc just draw into sharp relief the divide between the have and the have-nots, which is largely what the Conviction Arc is about. It’s about nobility terrorizing peasants through the Inquisition, and neglecting peasants as Laban muses that the King is too obsessed with trying to find Griffith to allocate resources to relief efforts, and how much this fucks the world up.

The Conviction Arc shows us a pretty good example of a world where darkness, ie wickedness, hatred, hostility, the dead, and illusion (I’d argue Mozgus’ brand of religion, especially with how much fun the narrative has with painting it as super fucked up and hypocritical etc, like God’s love being a torture chamber, fits that bill) covers the light.

And it’s the kind of world that Femto requires in order to be incarnated physically.

So whether the “Hawk of Darkness,” directly caused this “Age of Darkness,” or whether it’s more like, yk, humanity/fate caused it itself because humanity’s negative emotions reaching a critical point allows him to incarnate and change shit up as per humanity’s desires (this is all there in the Lost Chapter), I’d stay it fits the prophecy. Femto = Hawk of Darkness = Age of Darkness = all the darkness of humanity emphasized.

But this gets muddy once NGriff does show up and we get the sequence where his apostle captains meet him etc:

Like okay, so Schierke’s maybe just reciting the old prophecy, since it’s the exact same wording Farnese gave us, so maybe this doesn’t change what we were lead to believe was the Age of Darkness? I mean at this point we’d be still in the midst of it, going by what was stated in the Conviction Arc. The future tense could just be because it’s an old prophecy.

But the future tense is there (and I double checked with a scanlation lol, and it was there in that translation too, so I’m assuming it’s part of the original Japanese wording), and it’s worth considering that this is still meant to be foreshadowing and the Age of Darkness is yet to come. In which case it would presumably be Fantasia.

So one possibility is that the Conviction Arc is either a giant Age of Darkness red herring or it has been retconned out of being the Age of Darkness, and we’re meant to understand Fantasia as the prophecized Age of Darkness brought down by the Hawk of Darkness.

I’m not fully on board with this possibility because a) the Conviction Arc was pretty damn straightforward and made perfect sense as the AoD and I hate retcons, and b) Fantasia is defined by light lol, not darkness. Both literally in that a bright white light envelops the Earth as it changes and it’s often described in terms of light, and figuratively in that I’d suggest every one of Slan’s examples of light up there (love, hope, etc) is illustrated in the nature of Fantasia. Humanity joining together despite differences including apostles, hope, astral planes merging (which I’d argue makes the world more real, not less), the living (NGriff’s funeral services make people more at peace with the idea of death and able to emotionally recover from the loss of loved ones much easier), and I’d also argue that this chill easy going accepting version of organized religion we’ve seen fits the ‘sacred’ bill a lot better than Mozgus’ horrific version.

Admittedly you can argue the opposite for some of these points, like maybe Griffith’s funeral services making people more cool about death is a bad thing and an example of death eclipsing life. Maybe the astral plane is supposed to be more illusion than reality. Maybe we’re eventually going to see hostility and hatred in the world outside Falconia. Hell, maybe the Sea God slog was meant to be indicative of the ~darkness~ (and to be fair I did not re-read much of the sequence to try to find examples of the narrative evoking darkness as a description, so it could be there. But it’s gonna take more than an anon ask to get me to re-read the entire Sea Sea god subplot lol.) But even from Guts’ perspective the joining of the astral plane also includes wholesome Elfhelm-y shit, so it’s still not as simple as evil sea gods and monsters now getting to fuck shit up, we also get helpful mermaids and stuff.

So yeah so far given what we know, the pre-Fantasia world fits the description of the Age of Darkness perfectly and really heavy-handedly lol, with all the references to darkness involved, and Fantasia is a lot less clear-cut.

So the way I’d interpret this prophecy is that Griffith is both the Hawk of Darkness and the Hawk of Light, which imo is likely to be in part an on the nose reference to Femto as his inner darkness vs NGriff who does, in fact, save the world in a way characterized by light lol.

And which one you see him as depends on your point of view. It’s not that Sonia is wrong and being tricked and Schierke is right and sees the truth. It’s that Sonia, living in the Age of Darkness, losing her parents and almost being enslaved etc, and being saved by Griffith, is in a position to see Griffith as a saviour, along with most of the rest of humanity, which was collectively crying out for a change that Griffith’s dream and goals in particular are suited to enacting.

Schierke, distanced from humanity, not actually in danger of being burnt at the stake or starving to death or whatever, and more knowledgeable about the astral plane, sees Griffith as the Femto-y Hawk of Darkness, king of the blind white sheep (his human followers, one presumes), master of the sinful black sheep (apostles one also presumes).

And the fact that this chapter doesn’t end on Schierke’s assessment but on Sonia looking on at Griffith in awe, followed by yk 150 odd chapters of NeoGriffith being portrayed as the protagonist of his half of the story rather than the antagonist of Guts’, followed by seeing those “sinful black sheep” and “blind white sheep” up close as interesting and likeable characters in their own right who go out of their way to help people (Sonia rescuing Kushan children, later apostles helping humanity, eg), make friends with some of Guts’ rpg group including Schierke, at one point join Guts and co in a fight against a greater enemy while being directly paralleled to Guts (Zodd), etc suggests that maybe that particularly harsh description is not fully accurate or fair.

If Fantasia does turn out to be the (an?) Age of Darkness after all, I imagine that would also be depicted as a more dual thing depending on your perspective. For those getting eaten by dragons, yk, maybe Age of Darkness is a fair description. For those living in peace, maybe it’s not.

Also as an aside, to address a counterpoint I just came up with lol, I don’t think the relative tininess of Falconia vs the rest of the world has much bearing on this. Miura’s Berserk is pretty solely focused on this one particular chunk of the world, and there’s virtually no acknowledgement that Midland and the surrounding area is actually just a tiny microcosm of the world. I mean, the Godhand and the Idea of Evil are presumably not solely the manifestations of fantasy Europeans’ negative subconsciousnesses, but it’s their suffering and their inequal society that allows Griffith to manifest physically. No acknowledgement as to whether like, the wildly different societies throughout the world, some of which are probably more equal and less hit by plague and famine, and therefore more content, should counterbalance all the suffering in Midland and area lol.

To me this feels like a pretty typical issue/trope with medieval fantasy that Miura’s just kind of casually playing into bc he doesn’t particularly care about subverting it or making a point about it so much as he cares about using this established structure to tell his own story. Even during the Fantasia montage, we only saw medieval pseudo-Europe. The lone acknowledgement that the world is technically bigger than a stretch of land between Midland and fantasy India (+ Elfhelm) was the page of the bright light spreading across the Earth as seen from space. And like, a secretive conversation between 2 of Guts’ current allies (Magnifico and Roderick) discussing the possibility of colonialism lol.

Again, maybe we’ll see acknowledgement in the future? Maybe eventually the narrative will come out and say that yeah, it’s absolutely absurd to think that a happy kingdom whose residents number in the thousands is a beacon of hope for 99.99% of the world that has no way to get to it lol and is presumably, in theory, stuck with their own dragons and stuff now. Maybe Berserk will ultimately turn out to be a giant thoughtful subversion of European-esque fantasy stories that treat Europe as the centre of the world. But based on what we’ve seen so far I don’t think there’s much reason to assume that lol.

Like even the Elfhelm warlocks don’t point that out when they had the perfect chance to, they just say that it sucks that Griffith made his kingdom the only peaceful place, forcing people to choose between Fantasia and Falconia. They don’t say that the vast majority of the world doesn’t even get access to that choice lol, and so I don’t think it’s meant to be relevant.

I also want to point out that Miura redacted the Lost Chapter because it gave too much away too soon, and has since spent some time hinting about things those of us who’ve already read it probably know.

Like Flora doesn’t know what that something lurking in the abyss is, but we do, and it’s humanity’s dark, painful subconscious itself.

Griffith is essentially the avatar of humanity, hence why he’s humanity’s “desired,” and is remaking the world in humanity’s collective image. And like humanity isn’t all good or all evil but contains both, so does NeoGriffith, imo. Even the “Idea of Evil” isn’t evil itself, it simply fulfills a role humanity desires - the role of villain, essentially. It’s the reason why bad things happen, it’s the scapegoat for humanity.

The Hawk of Darkness is symbolic of the darkness of humanity - and that’s pretty much the point of Femto, I mean just check Slan’s heavy-handed Eclipse commentary of “this is what it means to be evil. This is what it means to be human” - and the Hawk of Light is symbolic of at least the potential humanity has to overcome that darkness, imo.

I’ve always puzzled over pain vs salvation there, and I still do, but hey one possibility is that it’s a suggestion that humanity’s over the Idea of Evil being the scapegoat that brings them pain (fate making bad things happen basically, so humanity has something to blame), and wants it to bring them salvation instead - light. And through NGriff’s transformation of the world, humanity reaches that light themselves by uniting in peace to survive against their own demons. Even outside of Falconia, humans are only going to be able to live in a world full of fantasy monsters by uniting together lol.

And like until I’m conclusively proven wrong I’m going to maintain that

Fantasia being defined through joining humanity together is pretty solidly framed as a positive thing. Maybe humanity working together in peace is light and salvation, love over hate, hope over hostility, reality over illusion (the ultimately meaningless differences that divided people), etc.

SO I guess at the end of the day what I think is that Griffith is simultaneously the Hawk of Darkness and the Hawk of Light, that while Fantasia has some downsides to say the least lol we’re not necessarily supposed to take Elfhelm Warlock dudes’ assessment as the be all end all either. We’re getting 2 sides to this utopia story and we’re probably meant to judge for ourselves whether it seems worth it or not. Schierke would say no and prioritize the darkness of Griffith, ie the Hawk of Darkness, Sonia would say yes and prioritize the light, the Hawk of Light, and neither are wrong. But idk, maybe both might be able to grow from seeing the other’s point of view and incorporating it into their own understanding of the world.

I’m also thinking this dark vs light stuff is going to come into play in a big way when Guts and Griffith confront each other, and I imagine that their relationship is actually going to get the final say in all this. Hate or love, hostility or hope, illusion or reality, the dead or the living, wickedness or sacredness. Does this not to a tee describe them post Eclipse vs pre Eclipse?

Maybe if the Age of Darkness is still to come afterwards, they’ll end up plunging the world back to its original status quo when they conflict and kill each other or whatever, and take Falconia/the world tree/whatever down with them. Maybe NGriff’s unfrozen heart will come into play as the final piece of the thematic puzzle if the Hawk of Light represents the light of humanity, which ofc includes love. Maybe all it will take to conclude the themes in a satisfying way is a moment of understanding of that “true light” between them, discovered in darkness, while they fight.

Like you’ll pry my reading of Berserk’s themes as consistently and thoroughly existing to symbolize Griffith and Guts’ relationship out of my cold dead hands lol.

Fuck sorry this got so long and meandering. What did I say about trying to keep my thoughts organized lol?

Anyway tl;dr I don’t know shit and I don’t think the world of Berserk actually makes much sense, but let me throw out some theories and interpretations of possible contradictions and weird ass world building lol. And I mean, Miura is pretty consistent in interviews about saying Berserk isn’t about plain old good vs evil, so it wouldn’t surprise me at all to get something more complex and interesting than “Griffith is the evil Hawk of Darkness tricking humanity into seeing him as the Hawk of Light, and Guts is going to save the world from him.”

OH SHIT AND I ALMOST FORGOT: I have no idea where Schierke calls Griffith “false,” so you’ll have to point that part out to me, unless it’s just a difference in translations or something. Sorry I can’t address that part, hopefully you’ll at least scroll to the end and see this even if it’s super tl;dr lol.

I received this on my Curiouscat and I got a little introspective about it: 

I want to say they're doing well. I really do want to say so. 

I don't know if I'm correct though at this point, because they're slipping down the annoying slippery slope of making Sunwoo the convenient angst magnet/punching bag like they usually do with disabled characters: it calls back to My Love Eundong when the actual second lead character was a disabled man but he was relegated into a angst magnet/'unreasonable homewrecker' when he was one of the most faceted and well-written characters of the series itself :/ 

As much as dramas adore copping out on disabilities by fixing their disabled characters 1-2 episodes after, it really blows that faceted, well-written disabled characters are always given the huge-brushstroke angst treatment virtually all the time. It's ok guys, take a deep breath and admit that sometimes it's ok to have the disabled guy be a regular Joe that has the capacity to be happy. A disability isn't a slippery slope to milk all the fucking angst for its worth.

Furthermore, the problem is that it’s almost always a trope for angst (hey The King 2 Hearts, I’m watching you) and it’s never addressed correctly- either the awesomely written character is a straight up villain (see: Black Heart White Soul, a Hong Kong drama with an amazing portrayal of a wheelchair user but he turns out the hurr-durr off the rails psycho), a magnet for every single bad thing ever to happen to them, or just straight up magically cured and forgotten entirely. 

I’m very critical about this because I find this lazy writing, and a lot of the time the actors are the ones putting in all the way to add layers to their characters to make them as memorable as they are than the writing allowing them any sort of leeway on that front. 

The only disabled character I enjoyed perfectly fine was Yeonha from Dear My Friends - his arc was tackled with respect and finesse, and there was a lot of exploration of his condition while not actively making him seem like a shitty or unapproachable individual for what happened to him. Everything was set up in a natural and comfortable manner: his relationships with others, how he handled his day-to-day life and the way he was treated as human, something a lot of dramas who discuss characters like his fail to acknowledge. 

A fantastic local drama that tapped on this was Sudden, which made the disability the center of a mystery instead of it being put under intense scrutiny or pity porn for no fucking reason. Both the male and female leads are disabled in the drama, and what I enjoyed was the fact that Qiliang’s condition is almost never put under the same brush stroke of ‘everything bad ever happens to him’. He’s driven and serious, and even though the show tried to pull a miracle on him, it was believable with the bread crumbs that had been scattered throughout the show regarding it. 

Life tries, don’t get me wrong. Noeul’s reactions to Sunwoo is ample enough proof and the way Sunwoo chats with his brother is organic and relatable. The problem I find is that the need to artificially create conflict surrounding his current state is what leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, especially when the original conflict that led to his paraplegia has basically been swept under the rug. They could’ve gone back to address the car accident, and how the Ye brothers coped with their grief (and Sunwoo, more so for his sudden loss in mobility as a young boy). 

Instead, we get a death threat looming over his head, which is cheap and a slap to the face for his development. 

I despise ‘bury your disabled characters’ as a trope so much, and especially so considering I know Lee Sooyeon is capable of better arcs than this. 

For this, I would say it’s a 50/50 kind of thing. The show giveth and the show taketh away. It’s a pity: Sunwoo is definitely a hit, but the arc they lead him down is a 100% miss and could make me drop the drama personally. 

Why Reading ASOIAF Made Me Dislike Game of Thrones- An Open Letter to David Benioff and D. B. Weiss

Hey dudes. Your show sucks. 

Since October, 2016, when I decided to start watching Game of Thrones, I have been slowly reading the book series you are adapting it from: George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire, which is a fantasy series that sets out to examine the genre of fantasy itself, humanity, morality, ethics, climate change, and our collective reality through the lens of morally grey, intelligent characters, living in a medieval fantasy world fifteen years after a two year long civil war called Robert’s Rebellion rocked the core of the continent/country of Westeros, some of whom are self-aware, some of whom are really, really not. 

There. That’s the spoiler-free series summary.  

It didn’t occur to me while I was reading book one, it niggled in the back of my head while I was reading book two, but it stuck with me while I was reading book three, A Storm of Swords, the very simple thought that yo. 

Your show is far. Far. FAR worse than the books you set out to adapt. 

People go up to me and ask “What are you reading, Vi?” because that’s how you start a conversation with someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. I show them the book title, they see the banner at the top reading “GAME OF THRONES- A NEW ORIGINAL SERIES FROM HBO” and say, predictably, unfailingly, “Oh, Game of Thrones!” and I have to take the time to put the old, worn receipt I use as a book mark in my place to inform the uninformed, “The books are a hundred thousand times better than the show. And that’s not even me being a book snob. Read the books, don’t watch the show.” You don’t know how exhausting that is. 

You will find no shortage of people on this site who are fans of the books and/or your TV show. Many criticize you, many criticize GRRM, some unrepentantly  scream into the Void that you and/or GRRM are God, and deserving of nothing but veneration, unquestioning love, and sainthood. I have reblogged and liked posts from all three sorts of people. Never doubt that I enjoy both stories. Your television series has some really good acting, plenty of nice aesthetics, and some damn nice costumes. 

And yet, I vastly prefer the books. Reading the books, reading metas about the books, reading fanfiction about the books, reading metas about the show, and seeing the general discourse in both fandoms has all brought me to the conclusion that I prefer GRRM’s story. 

Lady Stoneheart and Young Griff are the two major storylines that you cut out in your book-to-screen adaptation, to the utter detriment of your show, and the fact that you removed them tells me a lot about what you do and do not understand about ASOIAF. 

Lady Stoneheart, the reanimated corpse of the late Catelyn Tully Stark, is a character only introduced in the epilogue of A Storm of Swords, and I can understand why, at first glance, you would think that your decision to cut out her narrative is acceptable. You murdered Catelyn’s story within her own story, after-all. You forgot that Robb is not the center of the Northern Rebellion; Catelyn is. She is the eyes and ears, and it is her mistakes that both start the war, end it, and prolong it. 

Lady Stoneheart’s story effects Brienne of Tarth’s story, and Jaime Lannister’s story, and GRRM’s examination of knighthood, honor, redemption and loyalty through them. It relates to Gendry, Sandor Clegane, and Podrick Payne, and their themes of loss of identity, as well as Sandor’s themes of redemption and mercy. LSH’s own actions work to the detriment of her daughter Sansa, and the themes of her story mirror and accentuate those of her younger daughter, Arya, whose story is about psychological trauma, justice, mercy, death, and why you should not join death cults. By cutting out Lady Stoneheart, Sansa’s story becomes that of her poor, forgotten friend, Jeyne Poole, and Arya becomes a terrorist instead of a girl struggling to find her identity and wander home. 

Lady Stoneheart, in GRRM’s broader examination of the genre of fantasy, is an examination of the trope of the reanimated dead. Catelyn is resurrected as LSH after three days of slowly decomposing in a river, her torn cheeks and slashed throat still draining blood. When Beric Dondarrion sacrifices herself to save her (yes, Beric is dead in the books) he does not bring back the loving mother who knew the name of every stablehand in Winterfell, he brings back the screaming woman who “clawed her face to bloody ribbons” when she witnesses her last living child die before her eyes. He brings back a demon, intent on bringing death to anyone she views as remotely related to those who have done her wrong. This is GRRM’s examination of why people don’t just come back from death. They are changed, they are different, they are a bit mad. LSH is a zombie, every bit as much as the wights, she’s just a zombie forged of the other end of the spectrum: fire. 

Aegon VI Targaryen, or “Young Griff” is the perfect prince. He is introduced during the fifth book, even later than Lady Stoneheart. You would think exempting him would be even more acceptable, and yet, once again, you would be wrong. 

Young Griff’s story relates to Arianne Martell, another character who is utterly cut out of the television show, as well as to the Sand Snakes and their plot with Myrcella Baratheon, who they were intending to crown as queen, not murder. Young Griff, by extension, relates to Doran Martell and poor, poor Quentyn Martell, and to Daenerys Targaryen, Ashara Dayne, Varys, Illyrio Mopatis, and, crucially, CRUCIALLY, Tyrion Lannister, who has become a background character ever since his escape from King’s Landing in Season Four. Young Griff is planning on invading Westeros using the Golden Company, which will probably effect the remainder of Arya’s stint in Braavos before she runs into Jeyne Poole and Justin Massey, and the actual invasion will greatly affect Brienne of Tarth because of where the island of Tarth is located. Brienne is her father Selwyn’s only heir, and he’s probably going to die before the end of TWOW, leaving Brienne as the Evenstar. 

In GRRM’s broader discourse, Young Griff’s role, as @poorquentyn talks about quite a bit in his metas, is to deconstruct the fantasy genre as a whole. Young Griff is the Perfect Prince in exile, Varys’s guaranteed A+ Political Science thesis project, complete with badass army, misfit mentors, sassy nun, and a hot future wife waiting for him. And yet, Young Griff is actually a tragedy because he is not Aegon VI Targaryen, he is not the Once and Future King, he is not the savior, he is not Rhaegar Targaryen and Elia Martell’s son. Young Griff is most likely the biological son of the hedonistic pedophiliac opportunistic Illyrio Mopatis, and a kid who would have been content to sail up and down the Rhoyne with his motley crew for the rest of his life, but no, he was told that he is the only living child of Rhaegar Targaryen, the heir to the Iron Throne. GRRM uses Young Griff to explain Dany’s story and Jon’s story. Don’t you see how unsatisfying it would have been, he asks, if Jon had been Young Griff? Don’t you see how much more interesting Jon’s story is with Val and Ygritte and Sam and Gilly and Monster and Mance and Donal Noye and Satin and Craster? Don’t you see how much better fantasy can be? 

You see, my good sirs, you have missed the entire point of ASOIAF in your hit television show: what can fantasy be? 

Arya does not have to be merely the plucky tomboy, an assassin with a sad backstory who Is Not Like Other Girls. Arya can be the plucky tomboy who looks up to her mother, is jealous of her sister, and is abused by her teacher. Arya can be a girl who admires other women, who wishes she were pretty, who loves to learn languages and is good at math. She can be the girl who wargs into Nymeria and the cats of Braavos, who leaves Sandor Clegane to die because he would not let her kill herself trying to save her mother. 

Jon Snow does not have to be merely the Male Action Hero Who Will Save the Day and Get the Hot Chick. Jon can be a flawed man, too young, too brilliant, too radical, too kind to live. He can be the adopted son of a good man, he can be intelligent and still make mistakes, he can be kind and still show Gilly profound cruelty, he can be a leader and be best at leading when he is negotiating marriages and panes of glass and who works where when. He can be impartial to who sits the Iron Throne and still get himself killed for loving his baby sister too desperately. He can be a good leader, and still be killed. Jon is not important because he is Rhaegar’s son, he is not important because he is the Ice to Dany’s Fire; he is important because he is Aragorn’s Tax Plan. 

D. B. Weiss and David Benioff, your story fails in the face of the might that is ASOIAF because your story fails to be profound. Your story fails to contribute anything to The Great Struggle. Your story fails to innovate, your story fails to evolve. Your story fails to understand the core of its own characters, it fails to understand its own themes and messages. 

Your story fails because it is not a compelling story. 

I hope you are capable of understanding that. 

Best Wishes, 

A Teenage Girl Who You Can Call Vi

Now that Netflix has completed three adaptations of Jenny Han's To All the Boys book series, it's possible to rank them to determine the best of the trilogy. In 2018, the original film established the overall tone and premise for the series while introducing the world to up-and-coming stars Lana Condor and Noah Centineo. For the second and third installments, cinematographer Michael Fimognari took over the directorial duties from Susan Johnson and added his own unique touch as a filmmaker. All three movies have been well-received by critics and will resonate with Netflix audiences for different reasons. However, one particular installment stands out above the others.

When To All the Boys I've Loved Before released in 2018, it became a cultural phenomenon with Condor starring as the 16-year old Korean-American protagonist, Lara Jean Song Covey. The Netflix movie appealed to audiences with its endearing love story, fresh character dialogue, and dream pop music. In 2020, the sequel To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You arguably lost some cultural momentum, if only because the narrative complicated the central love story between Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky (Centineo) by introducing a new suitor, John Ambrose (Jordan Fisher). Then, in 2021, To All the Boys: Always and Forever fully locked into the focal romance, and added a clever twist by having Lara Jean fall in love not with another man, but with the city of New York.

Related: To All The Boys: Always & Forever Cast & Character Guide

Each one of the franchise films adheres to romantic comedy tropes, and perhaps too much at times. Depending on one's perspective, the meta-references may add to the experience or possibly interrupt the narrative flow. There's also the question of whether or not the Lara Jean & Peter romance feels natural and timely, and whether the focal performances stand up to classics of the past. Overall, critics and general streamers alike seem to agree that To All the Boys is a special movie franchise, yet it's still worth identifying what differentiates each production in terms of filmmaking. Here's a ranking of each movie in the To All the Boys trilogy on Netflix.

Written by Sofia Alvarez and J. Mills Goodloe, To All the Boys 2 ends with a romantic resolution for Lara Jean and Peter but gets lost along the way. Early on, the film hits all the right story beats as the main protagonist experiences her first date and gets swept away in emotions. But rather than focusing on the dynamic between the two focal leads, the sequel immediately incorporates conflict involving John Ambrose, one of the recipients of Lara Jean's love letters. The character initially appears at the tail end of the original film, but then has an entirely different appearance in the sequel with the casting of Fisher. So, that filmmaking decision alone is perplexing and stands out as an immediate red flag.

Unfortunately, Fisher's performance as Ambrose doesn't add much value in To All the Boys 2. The character is indeed kind-hearted and charming, but he seems to represent nostalgia for the past more than anything else. Ambrose doesn't really fight for Lana's heart but rather seems to enjoy her company as a friend. Meanwhile, side-conflict involving Peter and his ex-girlfriend Genevieve (Emilija Baranac) makes the story more interesting/dramatic, but the film also loses some of the rom-com magic that makes the original production so captivating.

Even though a rom-com sequel like The Kissing Booth 2 may not necessarily be objectively better than To All the Boys 2, it does introduce a strong character in Marco Peña (Taylor Zakhar Perez), who seems like he could steal away Elle Evans (Joey King) from Noah Flynn (Jacob Elordi). Overall, Fimognari's sequel does its best to set up the third franchise installment yet shows little imagination in terms of character conflict. Lara Jean does indeed grow as a character, but she's hampered by the presence of John, a character who seems stuck in 6th grade, and thus makes the film feel somewhat cutesy rather than progressive.

Related: Every Song In To All The Boys: Always & Forever

To All the Boys 3 succeeds by re-focusing on the romance between Lara Jean and Peter. The third franchise movie feels much more mature than the previous two, as there's less attention paid to the main protagonist's naivete. Now, Lara Jean comes across as a confident young woman who seems genuinely ready for the next step in her life, whether it's with Peter at Stanford University or across the country at New York University. To All the Boys 3 also resolves the conflict between Lara Jean and Peter's ex, Gen, and effectively uses Kitty (Anna Cathcart) as a source of comic relief, all the while developing her character. To All the Boys 3 brings all of the main players together, rather than underlining what drives them apart.

As an actress, Condor displays incredible depth while communicating Lara Jean's insecurities and highlighting her agency as a young woman. Whereas many young rom-com protagonists feel like they're making life or death decisions, Lara Jean often takes moments to collect her thoughts and to remind herself that she's not living within a rom-com movie. Condor is especially effective in conveying her character's attraction to Peter, and it's almost like the couple's relationship is just beginning. As for Noah Centineo, he plays it a little too cool at times as the prototypical Homecoming King of rom-com movies, yet he truly does shine when capturing Peter's vulnerability, whether it's with the character's estranged father or when trying to process Lara Jean's fascination with New York City.

Charming as To All the Boys 3 may be, it's a little heavy-handed with its meta rom-com messaging, which makes some of the character dialogue feel stiff and unnatural. Also, the film doesn't invest much time exploring the complexities of Lara Jean and Peter's relationship beyond their obvious connection, which contrasts with some of the heavier conversations from the sequel. As a whole, To All the Boys 3 expects that the audience is already familiar with the basics, and doesn't really prioritize character development for Chris (Madeleine Arthur) or Lucas (Trezzo Mahoro). Aside from some tiny pacing issues, the third Netflix movie works especially well in terms of developing Lara Jean's story, but it might've been worth re-structuring the film to add a little more depth elsewhere.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before is the best of the three franchise films because of its storytelling, along with the element of surprise. For one, there's the love letter premise; the narrative hook to keep audiences engaged. Two, there's Condor's central performance as a 16-year-old trying to understanding her place in the world. The filmmakers take their time while covering the appropriate narrative groundwork, and establish the personalities for each of the main characters, along with how they connect to Lara Jean's backstory. The second and third films have similar energy and spirit but don't necessarily work as stand-alone films.

Related: To All The Boys 3: Biggest Changes To The Book In Always & Forever

Years from now, To All the Boys I've Loved Before will be recognized as a defining film from the Streaming Wars era, and maybe even the last great rom-com before the era of COVID-19. Storywise, there's a traditional coming-of-age narrative for audiences to enjoy, one about a middle child who relates to her young sister Kitty but wants to be more like her older sibling Margot (Janel Parrish). To All the Boys I've Loved Before pays homage to romantic comedies but doesn't feel the need to be extra clever with its citations. The Netflix movie also incorporates social media in a way that feels natural rather than didactic, a major plus in a time when filmmakers feel inclined to explain what audiences already know about Twitter, Facebook, etc.

Most importantly, To All the Boys I've Loved Before values the power of a big movie moment. The first kiss between Lara Jean and Peter has all the magic that their intimate encounter in To All the Boys 3 lacks. There's even some scrunchie-themed drama that's at once juvenile but also incredibly important for the character conflict. As a whole, To All the Boys I've Loved Before shows much more nuance than the second and third Netflix films. It's subtle when commenting on rom-com tropes and slowly develops the central relationship. The little moments stand out, whether it's how Lara Jean looks at Peter or vice versa. The sequels don't take such things for granted, but there's less attention paid to the build-up of big moments. To All the Boys I've Loved Before is truly a Netflix Original, one that's driven by character chemistry, star-making lead performances, and a specific style of storytelling.

Next: Will To All The Boys 4 Ever Happen?

To All The Boys: All Three Movies Ranked From Worst To Best from https://ift.tt/3djZOJr

My full crazy review of Beyond the Wall

WARNING! I’m going to be ripping into this episode. If you can’t take criticism of the show this is not the review for you. You have been warned. Also, sorry for any typos. I was pissed when I wrote this.

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So, we start off with the most pointless five seconds of table top action then cut straight to beyond the wall were our not so intelligent heroes (I thought this was stupid from the beginning. At least take an army or some shit. What were you guys expecting? A walk in a fronze park) wander through the frozen wasteland in search of wights.

Now, I can actually say that I enjoyed some of the dialogue in this scene. That being said, there is a very stupid piece of dialogue in this that made me facepalms so hard it left a mark. But that's later. Next we get a great sense between Arya and Sansa talking about Ned. I really liked the talk about Ned. I even teared up a little. Until, of course, Arya decides to go full crazy and ruins it with a level of stupidity that legit gave me a headache.

I don't care how cool an assassin is. When they are acting this stupid and their motivations and emotions are this fucking easy to manipulate and change, that idiot does not deserve my respect. Arya is utterly insane and intolerable this season. She's a bully, she's a psycho and I'm pretty much done with her which is a pity because she used to be one of my favorites "I'm going to forgive these rando Lannister soldiers because they have families and stuff. But the sister I saw screaming, crying and begging for my father's life? Nope. She's a traitor. Fuck Sansa." - Arya, season 7. Hypocrite... Fuck you, Arya.

Now we are back beyond the wall and Tormund and the Hound give the best set of dialogue in the whole episode. I love their talk together. Especially the talk about Brienne. I will ship Tormund and Brienne forever and hope that they have awesome giant ginger badass babies together. Sadly, that's when it turns from my favorite piece of dialogue to my least favorite. "You don't look much like him. Your father." - Beric Dondarrion, Episode 6, beyond the wall. That's TOTALLY why they believed he was Ned's bastard forever without question and TOTALLY why Cat couldn't even look at him without getting pissed. Totally. Makes perfect sense. -sarcasm- After this we get a scene with "The most morale man in the universe" and Dany. Nothing really to complain about beyond Tyrion hypocrisy again.

"You don't want to be the queen of the ashes," Tyrion, season 6-7 "If anything happens to you we burn King's Landing to the ground." Tyrion, season 7 episode 6 "if we want to create a better world I don't think deceit and mass murder is the right way." - 10 seconds later. I did kind of enjoy the "he's too short" line though. I laughed a little. Such bad dialogue. I can't even. I do agree that burning the Tarlys was necessary in that situation and that Tyrion is right and she needs to start thinking like her enemies more so I'll give them a bit of credit for mentioning those at least. Otherwise it's just pointless bickering again.

Back beyond the wall and all of the sudden unimpressive jump scare bear! Has GoT really sunk so low that they need to use that boring horror trope? Yup. Looks like it. I felt like I was watching the Revenant again only you could actually see what was happening in that movie. Not so much here. That's not the only with this scene though. After the first red shirt goes down, Thoros of My gets attacked by the bear before it gets taken out finally. That bear mails the hell out of his arm and all Beric needs to do is use his flaming sword to burn it shut and it's just fine. Thoros gets pulled up like it ain't nothing and he's walking around like it's a flesh wound. All searing does is close the wound. Thoros would be in agony but this is only shown when he's being THROWN ABOUT BY THE POLAR BEAR. Why is he all of the sudden just fine!? Jesus fucking Christ D&D. How stupid do you think we are? How much crap do you think we are going to take before we feel like our intelligence is being insulted? Anyways, back at Winterfell Sansa and Petyr are talking. It's a pretty legit talk but I'm wondering why Sansa is doing it with Petyr. All season she's been treating him like he doesn't matter and now she's giving him an opening for his bullshit. At least he's trying to be intelligent about it this time, choosing the supportive route rather than the "they are the enemy" bullshit. It's clever manipulate in a way. Good on you mate. You aren't a complete waste of screen time anymore.

And beyond the wall again with the fellowship of the wight (ugh...)! Thoros backstory. I approve. But then the wights come in and an epic battle starts! Or not... The White Walker commander gets killed and most of them crumble except for one. Well, isn't that strangely convenient and very lame? Why, yes. Yes it is. And trust me. That's not the only problem I have in relation to the wights and white walkers this episode. I am not impressed or intimidated at all and that's a HUGE problem. So, they catch themselves a wight and tie it up. Cool. Whatever. You have what you need. But Snow hears something coming and sends Gendry off to... Send a letter to Daenarys? -headdesks and shakes head- Are you serious? Seriously. Are you fucking serious? Why the fuck would you send Gendry for Dany? Daenerys is on the other fucking side of the world and you have no fucking clue if she will come or not!! Do you know how long it would take a Raven to reach her in Dragonstone? Days! Fucking day! Why didn't you just have Gendry go get the Wildlings at eastwatch? Oh, I know why. Because that would be the smart thing to do and the story doesn't need to be smart anymore. Just awesome as will be proven in further rants down the line in this review. So, they start running (in the complete opposite direction from Gendry mind you) and come up upon a frozen lake. This is about the time when things go full stupid. So, they are on the lake and it's cracking. This already doesn't makes sense to me. It's been winter for how long and that lake hasn't completely frozen over? With White walkers walking around? I highly doubt it especially with the White Walker walking around in that area. But whatever it's your lake. Do whatever the hell you want with it.

So, they run across the lake to a rock thing in the middle of it and the ice breaks under the weight of the wights after a bunch of the tackle a red shirt. Because that totally makes sense. You'd think the weight would be enough but nope. It took a tackle. Now they are surrounded on all sides. Whatever shall they do!? But don't worry! Because Gendry is here to save the day and gets the message to Dany like really stupid fast. Magical raven are a go! I repeat! Magical teleporting Ravens are a go! We are still with the idiots beyond the wall after this Gendry scene (to my great displeasure) They wake up to find the wights still waiting on the edge of the broken part of the lack and they quickly learn that Thoros is dead as a doorbell. Now from this scene we quickly learn that wights can't swim and that they are on ice. The smart thing to do would have clearly been to shove the body in the water. What do they do instead? They burn the body using Beric's sword. It doesn't seem very practical but I'll give them a little break because at least they'll freeze a little slower. I'm still wondering why the White Walkers didn't just make a bridge to them in the night though. It's a known fact that they can freeze shit and make shit out of ice. I guess they thought it was just funner to stand around. It's not like they could have known Dany was coming but they were sure as fuck prepare for that shit. Ain't that ironic? Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get back on track.

Anyways, so they burn Thoros, Beric points out the obvious and then we are back in Winterfell again. This actually starts with a scene I like. Sansa gets a letter from King's Landing requesting a envoy from the North and she goes to Brienne knowing she can't go. This is literally the smartest thing Sansa could have done. Brienne is the most loyal and honorable person surrounding her current. Sansa has faith that Brienne will do will and I one hundred percent agree with this. On top of that this is more proof of how strong she has become as a character. Brienne is the only one that would defend her if Arya does decide to be a petty bitch and does let everything go to shit. This is a great sacrifice and choice for Sansa and I respect the shit out of it. All the way over in Dragonstone the letter reaches Dany and she decides to fly after the idiots of the wight. But of course the most moral man in the universe has to get his tearful two cents in and he's making more sense then anyone else at this very moment. But naturally Dany the hot head doesn't listen to the wise dwarf and takes the utterly pointless flight that she'll soon regret cause lurve! I actually like Tyrion's part in this but the whole situation is just so dumb. Anyways, back beyond the wall the Hound is throwing rocks at the wights. A funny scene. But then my boy misses and hits froze water and it skitters across the ice. The lack if froze and the wights start charging as slow as inhumanly possible (D&D: it makes total sense! I promise!). Seriously. They should have been over ran based on Hardholme but nope. The dudes gotta live.

Things are moving fast. Bros are taking on dead bros in every direction. The last red shirt falls off the rock thing and gets torn apart by wights. Tormund gets over ran but he's fine because he's a red shirt. Jorah is using tiny little daggers to stab at wights and somehow doesn't die. Jon stands behind them, the only one watching their back, as the horde rushes them from behind. Then the dragons and Dany come swooping in as they are about to get completely over run. All three dragons are blowing fire everywhere and the ice doesn't melt. Yay magical ice now! Dany starts pulling bros on Drogon's back but instead of following suit Jon stupidly charges more wights for no reason at all. While this is all going on the night king very slowly picks up his spear and aims it at the smallest dragon even though Drogon is on the ground much closer. With awesome super strength we didn't know he had he Spears the dragon and the ice is suddenly not magical anymore and breaks beneath him. The dragon dies and sinks beneath the ice into it watery grave. Poor Viserion and stupid NK. As the NK pulls out another spear, Jon does not run to the dragon and jump on real fast. Instead he shouts for Dany to go. Reluctant she does and manages to swerve out of the way of a spear neither her or Drogon knew were coming (Go watch the scene again. They were both looking straight ahead.) They escape but Jon falls into ice and dies from shock and drowning. No wait. That's wrong. My bad. He miraculously survives and pulls himself out of the freezing water. Only to be saved by Benjen ex Machina who just happened to be in town because plot demands it. Benjen gives Jon his horse and sacrifices himself pointless (that is a undead horse. It can carry two people no problem) because we need to end his character somehow.

He gets back to the wall (still alive somehow) and Dany is waiting there because she's in lurve. The watch take care of Jon at Eastwatch (because even gods get hypothermia). This is also where Dany learns that Jon really was stabbed in the heart and takes it pretty well when she realizes she's in love with a corpse. Finally we cut back to Winterfell for more stupi-... I mean, great Arya/Sansa time! Sansa decides to take matters into her own hands and tries to find the letter in Arya's room. Instead she finds the lamest plastic looking faces ever in a bag underneath Arya's bed. Sansa is rightfully freaked out. When did her sister become a mummer!? That's no job for a lady! But of course Arya finds her and goes full psycho again. I'm pretty much done with Arya's shit by this point... I hope she grows a brain soon or this is her own trick on Littlefinger because this is fucking stupid. Now Jon and Dany are in a ship sailing off to King's landing or whatever (I kinda stopped caring at this point). They have a moment, Jon verbally bends the knee and we cut back to the wights pulling on four enormous chains that seem to be attached to something in the water. But wait... Where did they get the chains? How did it get attached to whatever's in the water? This is a question that will never be answered. Why? Because it's cool. Cool things don't need answer. Answers are for suckers. Just shut up and enjoy the bullshit (says David and Dan and half the world who can't take criticism).

So, they pull up whatever's in the water and it's Viserion. No surprise there. Just surprised they did it the hard way. The NK can raise his hands and bring the dead back to life so this scene was pointless and stupid. Would have been cooler to see the NK just raise his hands and the dragon burst out of the lack but we aren't allowed sensible cool things anymore. Just the stupid shit. Anyways. That's my review. Like it. Hate it. Whatever. These are my honest feeling and I'm tired of hoping for something better and kissing D&D's asses. If they give me a shiny shit I'm going to call them out on it. I'm done.

Sensor Sweep: Schuyler Hernstom, Ken Kelly, Gardner Fox, August Derleth

Review (Brain Leakage): In terms of pure entertainment, I can’t recommend Hernstrom’s story enough. And if all you’re craving is a dose of pure, adrenaline-filled awesomeness with alien ruins, axe-wielding barbarians, motorcycles, and talking monkeys, then stop reading this review NOW. Buy Hernstrom’s new collection, The Eye of Sounnu from DMR Books, which is where you can read this slice of pure heavy-metal havoc. I promise, you won’t be disappointed.

Art (David J. West): I am positive that Ken Kelly has done more book covers that I own than anybody else – and that’s a lot considering I typically buy every Frazetta I can find. Kelly is such a work horse and has done so many Conan’s and other sword and sorcery related covers that it is staggering. He has done a lot of heavy metal covers too, but I don’t think I have any of those but when it comes to book covers wow -its staggering.

Interview (The Dacian): To kick off the series I asked my favorite living Sword & Sorcery writer Schuyler Hernstrom to be my first subject. Over the weekend Hernstrom took the time to chat and answer a few questions. Schuyler Hernstrom is a fantastic writer of Sword & Sorcery whose recent short story collection The Eye of Sounnu I review here, and made the subject of the first Short Story Bookclub.  You can also read his previous collection Thune’s Vison and he’s been featured numerous times in Cirsova Magazine, including the upcoming summer special.

Forthcoming (Story Hack): I recently annouced that I’ll be publishing a collection of short stories by the ever-entertaining Misha Burnett. It will release on June 15th. This collection features reprints as well as new work. And now, you can preorder the ebook version on Amazon. Paperback will also be available, but there won’t be a preorder. For those of you who do buy a paperback, I’ll make available bookplates signed by the author. Details on that to follow.

Men’s Adventure Magazines (Menspulps.com): Most of the magazines in the war mag subgenre were fairly short-lived (as were many other magazines in the men’s adventure genre in general). The longest-lasting was BATTLE CRY. It was published from late 1955 to mid-1971 by Stanley Publications, Inc., the flagship company of pioneering comic book and magazine publisher Stanley P. Morse. When the puritanical 1954 Comics Code essentially banned violent or sexy images in comics, Morse discontinued his BATTLE CRY comic book and created the men’s adventure magazine BATTLE CRY.

Fiction (Goodman Games): May 20th is the birthdate of Gardner F. Fox. But when people see his name on the list of Appendix N authors, there’s often no recognition of his name as a writer of fantasy. He has passed into relative obscurity for contemporary fans of the genre. It is not surprising considering that he is best known as the author of the Kothar books (discounted by many as a cheap knockoff of Conan) and the Kyric books (a likewise discounted knockoff of Elric).

Science Fiction (M Porcius): A. E. van Vogt has many detractors, and their criticisms are not all off base; you might say the Slan man, Canada’s finest export, is an acquired taste.  You don’t read A. E. van Vogt looking for conventional literary values, like beautiful sentences.  And you don’t read A. E. van Vogt looking for the comforts of standard popular fiction, like sympathetic characters you enjoy “getting to know” who share your values and regurgitate the conventional wisdom.  An A. E. van Vogt story is usually challenging on multiple levels.

Art (DMR Books): However, Angus was painting fantasy art long before he was doing work for RPG publishers. During the 1960s, McBride was creating art steadily for Look and Learn magazine as well as its competitor, Finding Out. Both were aimed at a juvenile/young adult audience, but the art and writing in them were well above what one would find in similar publications today.

D&D (Jeffro’s Space Gaming Blog): Just looking over these old sessions and I have to say, it really takes my breath away: The Hole in the Sky, The Thing in the Sewer, The Big Score, The Drums of the Dog People, Altar of the Beast-women, The Pugs of Slaughter, The Overbearing of the Crystal Men, The Song of Fàgor.

    Comic Books (Messages From Crom): Ablaze Publishing THE CIMMERIAN: PEOPLE OF BLACK CIRCLE #1 Coming in August! Robert E. Howard’s Conan is brought to life UNCENSORED! Discover the true Conan, unrestrained, violent, and sexual. Read the story as he intended! In the kingdom of Vendhya, the king has just died, struck down by the spells of the black prophets of Yimsha. The king’s sister, Yasmina, decides to avenge him…and contacts Conan, then chief of the Afghuli tribe.

Science Speculation (Pulprev): In the world of Singularity Sunrise, where robotics and AI threaten to replace humans in every major field, one of the few things that cannot be quantified, mechanised and reproduced by machines is psychic powers. Don’t expect Hollywood-or anime-type powers here. In this universe, psychic powers are the outgrowth of research projects like Project Stargate, investigating the potential of the mind to gather information through extra-sensory perception.

Video Games (Kairos): The Internet Archive even has every back issue of Nintendo Power, so the re-creations of those long-lost after school decompression sessions  with a new kart slotted in my SNES, a crisp copy of NP flopped open on the couch, and a bowl of popcorn in my lap are almost perfect. Archive.org doesn’t call its old web site search feature the Wayback Machine for nil. One thing that hits you over the head when you go back and play the old 2D sprite-based games is the real craftsmanship behind the bright colors and pixels.

Fiction (Paperback Warrior): Esteemed author Max Allan Collins is a heavy contributor to the gritty hard-boiled line of mystery fiction. His well-respected creations include Nate Heller, Nolan, Mallory and the subject at hand, Quarry. The Thrilling Detective blog cites Quarry as the first hired killer series, predating Loren Estleman’s Peter Macklin and Lawrence Block’s Keller. Collins released the debut, The Broker (aka Quarry), in 1976. After four more novels, and a ton of fan mail requests, the author began releasing series installments again in 2006.

Poul Anderson (Mystery File): POUL ANDERSON “The Martian Crown Jewels.” Short story. Freehatched Syaloch #1. First published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, February 1958. One reason for the story’s popularity, I think, is that there really aren’t many examples of combining traditional detective stories with hardcore SF, and this is a good one. The detective on the case is Martian private detective Freehatched Syaloch, but this seems to have been his only appearance in print. Missing are the Martian crown jewels, which have been on display on Earth, but on their state secret return to Mars, via Phobos, one of the planet’s moons, they have completely disappeared.

Horror (Grady Hendrix): Wilson’s The Keep  deals with Judaism more obliquely and in the guise of the big, fat,  international thrillers authors like Robert Ludlum were popularizing in the early Eighties. A swaggering, World War II adventure story full of  warring immortals, sneering Gestapo officers, magic swords, and Weighty  Questions about Faith, The Keep  arrived as the smaller novels of the Seventies started giving way to the massive blockbusters of the Eighties. Painted in broad strokes on a big canvas, The Keep fits comfortably into a decade that would make literary rock stars out of authors like Anne Rice and Stephen King.

Weird Tales (Dark Worlds Quarterly): August Derleth takes a lotta crap. Some of it is deserved but some of it isn’t. Like when people say Derleth wouldn’t have been in Weird Tales without Lovecraft. That is simply not true. August’s first Weird Tales appearance was “Bat’s Belfry” (Weird Tales, May 1926), eleven years before Lovecraft’s death. His first Mythos tale was “The Lair of the Star-Spawn” (Weird Tales, August 1932) with Marc R. Schorer. This story appeared during HPL’s lifetime. Derleth had written forty stories previously to Star-Spawn. He wouldn’t write a posthumous Mythos tale until his seventy-second, “The Return of Hastur” (Weird Tales, March 1939), the year Arkham House began publishing. Of Derleth 132 appearances in WT, only 15 were Cthulhu Mythos (with one other appearing at Strange Tales). That means Derleth appeared in 40% of all issues.

D&D (Goblin Punch): The most interesting part for most of you will probably be the Advice for DMs section, but I’m posting the whole thing here since it’s a good explanation of (a) old-school dungeoncrawls, as I see them, and (b) the style of gameplay that I’m shooting for in the Lair of the Lamb.

Writing (Amatopia): A corollary to my recent post about villains who may have had a point after all: I am not advocating for the “sympathetic villain” trope. In fact, I generally dislike that trope. But I have a theory that a lot of new and new-ish writers can’t help but write villains like this because they forgot how to make heroes actually heroic. This is not because our traditional culture is bad and out if step with the times. It’s because a cadre of nihilistic relativists hijacked the culture with the intent of changing it to suit their own spiritual and psychological hangups. It’s a tale as old as time.

Cinema (Giant Freakin Robot): Starship Troopers should have been a gargantuan hit. With a $100m+ budget and the director behind sci-fi triumphs like RoboCop and Total Recall, the adaptation of Robert Heinlein’s 1959 novel was poised to be a smash hit both financially and critically. That’s not what went down in 1997. We have to understand that the movie-going public was very different in 1997. Films were sold on their stars more than their premises. If you look at the biggest earners of the year, you’ll see movies whose marketing campaigns were structured around their lead actors: Men in Black, Liar Liar, Air Force One, My Best Friend’s Wedding.

Sensor Sweep: Schuyler Hernstom, Ken Kelly, Gardner Fox, August Derleth published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

Every now and then a conversation sparks up round the water cooler at TGAM Towers that goes along the lines of someone asking "So is gaming mainstream yet?". Hours, insults, fisticuffs and a reminder on policy on worker in the work place later, inevitably the conclusion is a firm not yet.  We're not expecting an overnight transformation. But what would it take?  We have game inspired video games at the Box Office (okay so they're rarely great), Final Fantasy menus in restaurants, Splatoon and Pokemon collaboration ranges with Uniqlo, LEGO collaborations with Blizzard, Midway and SEGA. Museum exhibitions on video games, design and art. Gaming content seemingly dominates large swathes of the Internet from Youtube through to Youporn. Yet admitting that you choose to spend your time playing video games every now and then still feels, in the UK at least, akin to admitting that you strictly only eat the faces of babies because that's where the softest meat is.    When Does This Pre-Amble End? When it comes to the real world, specifically the high street, video games themselves have virtually no presence at all. In fact it's got worse since our budding interest grew in the 1990s. Arcades are all but dead, few cities have a dedicated game retailer (you might be able to find a grotty copy of NBA 2018 in one of those laptop/mobile repair shops), major supermarkets stock perhaps 4.5 games and media stores in general are critically endangered. TV never manged to 'get' gaming and even though Esports is making huge strides it's still not managed to topple the likes of darts, snooker and cricket from their prime time perches (or even get broadcast at all away from the Internet).  When we first got into gaming we'd wet our pants even when video games penetrated the mass media in the lamest ways from those Lucozade Tomb Raider ads. to the awful why-can't-anyone-crack-gaming-content-on-TV shows and even feigning support for those Resident Evil films when there was frankly nothing else on the horizon. However, now that Netflix is a national sport we're almost drowning in a rich and diverse soup of game-related content. Most of which is total pants. Some of which is bonkers and dare I say some might even have appeal beyond those who would call themselves a gamer (and cringes at the same time because nobody over the age of 12 unironically calls themselves a gamer). Gaming content is so prevalent on Netflix, it even has it's own category, two in fact! Does this mean gaming is mainstream yet? No you babyface eating monster it doesn't are you mad?  Gaming Shit Currently on UK Netflix (Alphabetically) The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 Okay so for all the hype up top, a lot of this stuff is cheesy kid's cartoons. This is a 30 year old cheesy cartoon loosely based on that hot new video game release Super Mario Bros. 3 and although a smidgen better than the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.... it's amazing this franchise didn't just die in the 90s. Remember King Koopa and Princess Toadstool? 13 episodes. 13 episodes too many.  Angry Birds Can any lawyers out there help? Is there some EU mandated law that means video game tie-in media has to come out decades after the thing it is based on became culturally irrelevant? Three seasons of this steaming mess and I've not got to the will to work out if this is related to the movie, the sequel movie out THIS YEAR(?), the toons series or how it will fit in with the WHO IS ASKING FOR THIS CONTENT 'long form' cartoon out in 2020. For those of you younger than 10, i.e. the target audience for this stuff, Angry Birds used to be a video game. Black Mirror Sometimes very video game inspired, sometimes not, this series makes us question our relationship with technology makes us feel even worse for prodding a phone screen and writing swears to other 14 year olds online. Recommended watching but not all in one go mind.  Castlevania Supposedly a decent anime version of the games. I've not watched all of it because I only played Castlevania 64 and Dawn of Sorrow and if you don't understand who any of the characters are, it's reaaalllly slow and boring. Worth a try if you actually have engaged with the critically acclaimed series unlike us.  Digimon Fusion Ergh. Dirty. No. Bad Mega Bloks. No. Dinosaur King Ahhh dinosaur games. Archaeologists have found ancient scrolls that record the Dinosaur King was actually a video game and collectible card game from 2005. This is the series from 2008 that absolutely is not based on Pokemon at all and mixes anime style and really really bad looking CGI.   Final Fantasy XIV: Dad of Light Okay, this series is actually brilliant. Remember how Pinball Wizard was a feature movie advert for Super Mario Bros. 3? Well this is a series length advert for Final Fantasy XIV told through the heart warming story of an awkward Japanese man and his awkward relationship with his awkward recently retired Dad and he tries to rebuild that relationship by getting him into Final Fantasy XIV because they used to play Final Fantasy together. Each week is a new challenge as his Dad quits because of a mechanic he doesn't understand that helpfully his son and his guildmates help explain. Passable on it's own but elevated to must watch by a few scenes that use familiar Final Fantasy sounds that get this glorified advert tugging on the heart strings.  Halo Shit Includes Halo 4: Forward Until Dawn, Halo Legends and Halo Fall of Reach. The first one is live action and frankly awful. Legends is to Halo what Animatrix was to the Matrix and worth a watch. I've watched Halo: Fall of Reach six or seven times and I can't tell you what happens so try it perhaps? Hi Score Girl Weird anime homage to early arcades told through the relationship of a nerdy arcade kid and an aloof posh girl who is very good at video games but not allowed to play them at home. Watch if you you always wondered about turtling in Street Fighter 2 but didn't actually look it up in the last 30 years. Probably very nostalgic for 30 something Japanese gamers. Which isn't us.  Ingress the Animation I've impressed myself that I didn't miss this. Remember Ingress the AR mobile game that nobody had heard of  until it got a Pokemon Go reskin? No neither did I. Well apparently someone along the way believed so strongly in the Ingress vision that they commissioned an anime series in 2018. Really slow. Extremely Japanese. If the game was anything like this then we can understand why nobody has heard of it.  Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (NO LONGER AVAILABLE) This appears to have been pulled which is a shame as it was alright. Apparently, I'm reliably told the events of this film are really important to the context of the game and only told in this film. Errr tough anyway you missed it here.  Minecraft Story Mode Fuck off. Pacman and the Ghostly Adventures Perhaps takes the award for being the least relevant television tie-in ever. We got two seconds in before reaching for the revolver and the sweet release of a bullet kiss to the brain. All the tropes of Saturday morning cartoons with none of the charisma. Remarkably there's also a Halloween and Christmas Merry Berry short to make both of those holidays even more intolerable. Brilliant soundtrack though.   Pixels Probably the best worst video game related movie of all time. I'm not sure who the audience was when it came out and with each year gets more and more obscure. It stays the same amount of crap though which is a lot of crap.    Pokemon Want to watch only the first and last series of the anime and whatever random films seem to be on Netflix at the time? Knock yourself out. For us this is the UK being shit at commercialising this shit at its worst. Its very worst. The entirety of Pokemon has never been available in the UK at the same time ever. We never got VHS/DVD releases for most series or cinematic releases for some of the films. The Pokemon TV app frustratingly cycles episodes in and out and bizarrely Netflix is missing the middle 91 seasons and the first 38 films. It doesn't fucking matter anyway every episode is the same except the latest season where every episode is the same but set in a school BECAUSE WE'RE ALL CHILDREN AND WE FIND SCHOOL SUPER RELATABLE. There's also a creepy birthday video, hilariously with characters from a season otherwise not available on Netflix. Is it too much to ask to employ one person part-time to curate this shit? Rabbids Invasion File under striking whilst the iron is... you know what, I can't hate on the Rabbids. I really want to but honestly they're brilliant and most of their games are too. Probably brilliant. Strangely only the 4th season is available...?  Red Vs Blue The series that built the house of goofing around in games. Early seasons have not aged well at all. How did we put up with the awful sound and even worse 'plot'? 124 seasons of this madness though so if you're in palliative care and want to speed things along...   Resident Evil: Afterlife Hysterically, only the middle film is available serving the incredibly niche audience of people who like the Milaverse Resident Evil films but are four films behind.  Skylanders Academy Remember the smash hit wallet biting Toys to Life game series that ran itself and all the imitators into the ground from 2011 to 2016 and now fill attics and sheds the world over? Well now you can enjoy the 2018 animated series with all handfuls of your favourite characters. Set in a high school. There's also a weird 1 minute long happy birthday message thing that a lot of the kid's shows have done on Netflix so if you really hate your kid and want to let them know you should show them that on their birthday I guess.  Smosh the Movie Is this video games? They look cuntish enough to be Youtubers and this movie is exactly as awkward as you'd expect when Youtubers try to do something proper with make up, production values and nice cameras. Like that *cringes* Game Grumps series. Or when that *mega cringes* green haired kid did that Fortnite dance at that thing. Suggested watching if you're need that extra push to do the right thing and end yourself before it all gets a bit Fallouty round here. Sonic Boom This is the weird one that all the furries like. Tomb Raider I think the rebooted film before the current reboot? Is casting ladies from the North of the UK to be Lara Croft still a thing? In this movie Lara Croft, I kid you not, is a Deliveroo driver and... it does pick up from there but in a very formulaic and inoffensive kinda way. Video Game High School (NO LONGER AVAILABLE) And be fucking thankful. What if instead of lessons at school you played different video games? Live action series with hands down one of the worst cast of actors of all time. Ridiculous premise (which of course later sort of became real with several Universities running esports programmes) glad it got removed to be honest. Yokai Watch The new new Pokemon with 80% less appeal. Not 100% sure the game series is still going. Children's Shows and Toilet Contents So there we have it. No doubt there's a few I missed and some of this may have disappeared by the time you're reading this. A rich smorgasbord of children's cartoons and questionable content that got a pass because it's video games. At the time of writing, there's virtually no adult content and currently no documentaries. Which is a shame. If they wanted, Netflix could become the de facto place for curated traditionally produced gaming related content from Street Fighter live action movie and animated series, the CG Resident Evil Films, Pinball Wizard, King of Kong, Silent Hill one and two, the Dead Space films etc. etc. Instead it seems that they're content to maintain this weird ever changing half complete line up of irrelevant at launch factory manufactured kid's shows and single films from a series. Perhaps they are right though, there's no point competing with YouTube and Twitch which now host infinity hours worth of quality content that gamers are already spending millions of pounds on supporting. Is gaming mainstream yet? Looks like we need to wait until one of the grumpy white middle class hacks at the Guardian produces an op-ed on why they're giving up on Rabbids Invasion despite everyone at dinner parties talking about it or how Smosh the Movie made them bicurious one evening.  It's perhaps better to stay in the margins of the old media whilst defining new media (at a ripe young 40), after all REALLY PUNCHY FINISHER. Right?

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2019/07/gaming-shit-on-netflix.html