#kinda discourse-y lol
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#Dash: discourse fighting stunt things idk#my blog: GuYs LoOk At ThIs LyRiC!!E!X!T!E!N!S!I!V!E!L!Y!!!!!#ngl i feel disconnected from the dash rn. like. im just. vibin in a corner and im kinda sad youre not lol its a great corner theres music
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and if I never write again ????
#I’m being dramatic lol I’ve literally BEEN writing#but I can’t focus and my mind is jumping between my WIPs so I haven’t finished anything Y—Y#I feel so guilty about it idk#all that discourse about writers who don’t post writing enough kinda got to me I guess#IM SORRY 🫶🏻 I’ve been recovering from something (too personal to post here) and before that I was in a manic episode for about three weeks s#that’s why I haven’t done very much since July#yuck I’m overexplaining myself again I do that too much#maybe I’ll focus on my iwaizumi fic today
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☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 5)
✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)
✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!
✨wc: ~6.6k
✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.
✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?
✨ author’s notes: pls pls pls let me know if you’d prefer shorter, more frequent chapters like this one, OR longer chapters posted about once per week. i’m heavily debating lol
✨ warnings: cursing from time to time.
Previous Chapter Recap:
“No need, I already told him!” Felix winked down at you, nudging his elbow into your side. What the hell?
“Oh really? I didn’t know you two were close like that.” Literally not once had you seen any sign that they’d spoken to each other, let alone were good enough friends to keep in touch about girls they were taking to lunch.
“With Chan-hyung? We’re about as close as two people can get,” he laughed. “No way. I knew all along. And you’re welcome by the way. I may or may not have encouraged it hehe.” You watched as his eyes sparkled while they smiled. It would have been adorable if you had any clue what he was talking about.
All you could do was stare blankly at him. A confused expression must have been on your face long enough for Felix to notice.
“We are talking about Chan-hyung, right?”
“No… I got the flowers from Jungkook,” you said sheepishly.
You could see Felix’s eyes shoot open, going into panic mode. Fight or flight, I guess.
“Wait, are you talking about? OHHH those flowers! The ones from today. Ohhh okay, nevermind. Sorry, I was thinking about something completely different,” he rapidly mumbled out. He looked like he could start sweating at any minute, waiting to get your eye of approval.
‘Okay, so 2 possibilities. #1: Felix needs a lot more sleep. Or #2: Chan was going to give me flowers?!?!’
Note: Character relations you can refer back to if needed.
Y/n- Changbin’s mentee
Anna- best friend, Felix’s mentee
Kara- Seungmin’s mentee
Sunnie- Han’s mentee
Mindi- Hyunjin’s mentee
Nisha- Lee Know’s mentee
Alyssa- Jeongin’s mentee
Jenna- Chan’s mentee
——————————————————————————
Y/N’s POV:
You settled back into your usual sphere of friends in the filming room. Just you, Anna, Kara, and Sunnie. Of course some of the boys jumped in on the discourse.
“Alright Hannie, be honest,” Sunnie questioned, still standing in the group. “Who out of us,” she motioned to the rest of the girls in the group’s circle, “do you think will mess up the most during our shoots?” She put a big grin on her face.
“Uhhh, I mean I think you’ll all do really great to be honest so-“ Han tried, but got cut off.
“Kara obviously,” Seungmin interrupted. “As her mentor, I can confidently say that I have trained her to be a menace.” He was joking, of course but GOD he never looked like it. “Well, not as good as me, but she will learn.”
Kara laughed and fake smacked him on the arm.
“No, but really, be honest. What do we need to worry about? You are literally our mentors so you can’t let us look lame,” Sunnie started again. You knew that Changbin proceeded to give a sarcastic response, but the hint of a figure passing by caught your attention instead.
Chan had arrived. He looked so good, but so out of his normal. You realized then that it wasn’t just Changbin who surprised you, but you’d never seen any of the boys dress up before. You and Changbin looked killer- all black, and honestly kinda sexy. You surprised yourself even.
But not Chan. No, he was in soft colors. Pastels. You didn’t know if you’d ever seen him in something like that- just so NOT like him. You silently wondered if he would come to your group to converse with everyone else. You weren’t sure if you wanted him to or not.
You made sure not to turn your head too far in his direction. You didn’t want him to see you glancing over, but you definitely didn’t want any of your friends in the group to notice you looking either. You tried to focus your eyes back on Han who seemed to be the only one who would give actual advice.
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Felix shift slightly, lifting his head up. You saw him look in Chan’s direction, then look down to see if you had noticed. You quickly darted your eyes away. Satisfied that you were paying attention elsewhere, he directed his head toward Chan across the room and open his eyes wide. Somehow he had a look of both questioning and embarrassment on his face. You didn’t dare move to look at Chan’s reactions.
After a minute or two of trying to zone in on Han, you gave up. You shifted your weight and crossed your arms, shrugging your shoulders up and rolling your neck around to “try to get a kink out”… if that meant trying to get a secret look at Chan of course.
You found him in your periphery on the other side of the room. He was standing with Jenna and Alyssa, making small talk or prepping them for the filming, you guessed. You could see Jenna’s almost-matching pastel outfit and it made you want to vomit with how sweet it was. And you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a tiny bit jealous that she was matching so well with Chan. You’d be lying even more if you said it didn’t bother you that he’d momentarily rested his hand on her shoulder while talking with them. You’d be lying even more if you said she was too pretty for him. ‘FML.’
Chan had such a wild smile on his face, staring down with his big dimples. You couldn’t believe he was actually getting along with the both of them. They were literally like talking to a wall… Maybe the wall opens up and changes its appearance a little for a cute guy though.
Damn, if this was the shove you needed to move you in Jungkook’s direction, it was definitely working.
Kara, standing a couple people over from you in the circle, must have noticed Chan coming through in his displaced pastels as well. He was a magnet, what could you say?
You noticed her scoffing over. Everyone else noticed as well.
“Kara, everything okay?” Anna asked, being the last to notice but the first to call her out.
“I was just observing,” she smirked, nodding her head in Chan’s direction. Everyone turned to look as Chan lightly nudged an elbow into Jenna’s side.
‘God, please kill me.’
Sunnie fired back with a smug look. “Oooo so *that’s what Felix was talking aboutttt,” she dragged on.
… The guys, including you and Anna, looked around, staring blankly at each other.
“What do you all know that I don’t?” Seungmin asked, staring down both of the girls.
‘Agreed,’ you thought.
“Did you literally not hear Felix at lunch?” Kara looked up at him. All the Stray Kids members looked confused.
Felix looked defensive all of a sudden. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant! I was just joking I swear!” He tried to force a laugh. “I swear it was just a joke!”
“Yeah rightttt,” Kara scoffed. “It’s so obvious that she’d be that way. It makes so much sense.”
“Okay, what are you guys talking about?” you finally piped up.
“Seriously, what’s going on?” Changbin backed you up.
Felix looked off, like he would just ignore the question forever. Kara ran her eyes across his face, then rolled them back into her head.
“Oh so NOW you are shy?!” she threw at him. “Well Felix kinda let it slip that Chris was crushing on someone who was already accounted for, but that it would all work out.”
The boys all looked at him, wide-eyed.
“Oh my gosh, that’s not how I meant it! I mean I was just joking around!” Felix plead, acting fake hurt. “Literally we were just talking about who YOU ALL found cute, and then yeah, I said that Chris was wanting someone who was already accounted for but, but-“ he started to fumble his words. “I mean I was just messing around! I meant that Chris was into me, but I’m accounted for of course,” he let out a nervous laugh.
“Accounted for? By who? And your mom doesn’t count.” Seungmin smirked.
“No, with Binnie!” Felix put on a fake pout again, grabbing Changbin by the arm. “And don’t you talk about us that way!” Everyone got to laughing, and I guess Felix’s explanation was good enough to put everyone’s mind at rest.
‘Nice cover, Felix.’
Kara wasn’t completely sold though. She motioned for everyone to scoot in closer before leaned her head down and began to whisper. “Listen, I’m serious though. I don’t mean to step on any toes, I swear I don’t… But the rumor going around really is that Chan’s got his eye on one of the mentees,” she looked up to see everyone’s reaction. “Now, if you guys say that it isn’t true, then it isn’t true, but that’s what’s been going around. AND word on the street is that she is also fucking Jungkook.”
‘GODDAMN IT. I AM NOT FUCKING JUNGKOOK! HOW IN THE HELL DOES ONE DATE EQUATE TO FUCKING THIS MAN?!’
‘And now, if anyone does see us together, I’m royally fucked… May even get kicked off the show for the bad publicity. I’ve got to find a way to shut that shit down.’
You secretly watched Felix’s face drop. In that moment, he had confirmed his previous theory that you had been seeing Jungkook and rejected Chan.
‘Welp, this is awkward.’
“Alright well if someone’s fucking Jungkook, then they’re fucking Jungkook. None of my business. But if Chan was into someone, he would have told us by now,” Changbin chimed in.
Felix looked to the ground.
“I mean maybe... Unless he was embarrassed. Sure doesn’t seem like it now though,” she glanced back over. You let your eyes follow in that direction. Chan was now propped up with one hand against the wall, smiling down towards Jenna with a smirk on his face.
‘I don’t even care,’ you thought.
But you did. You knew you did.
———————————————————————
Felix’s POV:
Filming was about to start. The directors had each of you pair up into your mentor couples and wait for more instructions.
“Hold on, I have to go find Chan real quick!” Felix told Anna.
“Alright, you know where to find me,” she smiled back.
Felix quickly made his way over to where Chan stood. Next to Jenna of course.
“Hey, can you come here for a second? I have a question,” Felix directed toward Chan, offering a polite smile when Jenna looked his way too.
“Yeah sure,” Chan said, letting Felix lead him toward the back of the room away from everyone else.
Chan was totally on edge. Felix could tell.
“What the fuck happened?” Felix questioned.
“What happened with what?” Chan retorted, pretending he didn’t know what Felix was getting at.
Felix just stared at him, rolling his eyes up. Annoyed. He stood there in silence, not letting himself be the one to give in. Finally Chan did.
“Look, I saw her with Jungkook, bro. He gave her flowers and she looked happy. End of story. Nothing else to talk about,” he huffed, ready to walk back. He was holding it back well, but Felix knew him well enough to know he was hurt.
Chan looked down and shook his head, imagining what Felix must be thinking. Felix had encouraged him early on to message you… but he just never did. Not until he was scared someone else was interested in you that is.
“Whatever mate, but just know this whole look-“ Felix pointed a finger, dragging it across the path to Chan and Jenna, “isn’t a cute one. Almost every other contestant has something bad to say about her.”
“Come on man, she’s not that bad.”
“Literally look at her face right now,” Felix motioned over.
A look of pure boredom and disdain was washed over her. She glanced down to her nails, then back up to her surroundings, almost as if she was trying to size anyone and everyone up. She was off on her own, not attempting to strike up a conversation with any of the 40+ people in the room.
“So she has a hard exterior,” Chan tried to cover. “But she’s actually really nice once you start talking to her.”
“Tell me one nice thing she’s had to say.”
“Well she was talking about how excited she was to see me.”
“That doesn’t count.”
“She was also talking about how I looked good in pastels. Told me that they suited me more than black and that I should switch it up.”
“That doesn’t count either. What is ONE nice thing she’s said that wasn’t about you?”
Chan stood for a moment. “Well, I mean,” he grabbed his neck and looked down. “Like I said, she’s a hard one to crack.”
“Do what you want, but going after your own mentee isn’t a good look. I’ll tell you that if no one else will.”
Felix turned to walk away, but spun right back around on his toes. “By the way, someone is now spreading a rumor that whoever you’re into is fucking Jungkook. Just thought you should know before you made anyone look bad.”
With that, he briskly walked off.
—————————————————————
Y/n’s POV:
Shooting actually went really well. Way better than you’d expected. It wasn’t nearly as scary as you thought it’d be, and you think you actually got some great takes.
They had let you talk about medical school, and what it was like to train in today’s world post-COVID. You got to talk about the reason you were interested in medicine in the first place, and how the 7-year-old you would be so proud to see you now, living out your biggest dream. They asked all the right questions, and you gave all the right answers. You were starting to feel hopeful that you could make a connection with the audience of the show.
Of course, all of the scenes with Changbin were perfect too. You silently thanked the heavens that you got paired with the coolest guy to be your mentor. The banter between the two of you was perfect. One moment that specifically stood out was when they shot a scene of Changbin trying to give you tips and that, as his mentee, you were gonna have to be tough and do some of the heavy lifting to make him proud. He made you practice an example, as he bent himself face-down at his hips and pulled on your arms to rotate your body into the air and land on the other side of his.
“See, easy! Now you try,” he had instructed.
And try you did… But FAIL you also did. You tried your best to keep your legs firmly planted on the ground, but with the weight of Binnie directly over top of you, you couldn’t help but fall to the ground, letting him fall along on top of you. Neither of you got hurt, but you both almost died of laughter, holding onto each other on the floor. You laughed so hard you thought you’d cry.
It may have hurt your ego a little, but damn if it wasn’t gonna make for some cute content for the show.
You felt a quiz buzz coming from your pocket. You took it out to check the screen, showing a text from JK. After the date, you had decided that exchanging numbers was way better than having to talk through instagram.
You smiled at how interested he was in your life.
You shoved your phone back in your pocket, warm feeling still coming on.
“Are you coming to the dinner later?” you turned to Changbin.
His eyes lit up. “I mean I hadn’t really planned on it, but are you going?”
“Honestly, I think it’s mandatory for us to go. But I’m excited anyways. Everyone should be there. Have you been to the restaurant?”
“Which one is it?”
“Nine Mile.”
“Damn, that’s a pretty nice restaurant. Especially if the company is paying.”
“Then you’d *better come with me,” you laughed, nodding your head his way.
“Alright, alright. It’s a date,” he smiled. “Only for the food though.”
“Well of course.”
—————————————--
After a quick trip back to the hotel with Anna to freshen up and get caught up on all of the day’s happenings, you felt exhausted. I mean, today was probably the most eventful day of your life. You went on a date with Jungkook, got blown off by Chan and then had to watch him flirt with another girl, and then get through 3-ish hours of filming for a TV show you didn’t even think you belonged on. You really just wanted to lie in bed and talk with Anna, then pass out for the night.
But you couldn’t. The night must go on. You reminded yourself that you should be grateful for every opportunity, no matter how tired you were.
JK had texted you back, letting you know he also had plans for the night, but to have fun at the dinner with Changbin. The emotions you felt were still extremely mixed, but you decided to just take each moment as it came. Otherwise, you’d be too overwhelmed to even think.
Once you had finished freshening up, you and Anna set out to the restaurant in your normal, everyday clothes. You couldn’t lie, being in medical school made you adopt a new sense of fashion. Corporate baddie? You realized this quickly when you came to Korea and saw the street style that most others wore. You and Anna couldn’t help it though- your closet now consistent of only 2 things: (1) scrubs, (2) trendy oversized blazers. Out of the 2 options, the only one you deemed appropriate to bring was the latter.
You didn’t mind standing out a bit though. Some people in Korea even had similar styles, just a bit more muted than the two of you. It was obvious from the looks you got while walking the street- not bad looks, the reverse actually.
You looked down to examine your black heels and matching black oversized blazer. You made sure to pair it with dark jeans and lots of jewelry to set a more casual tone… and also to stop yourself from looking like you could pull out a reflex hammer and give a full-on neurological exam at any moment. But it was night time after all, and it was freezing. You had to cover up as best you could.
You couldn’t lie, you also had to make sure you spritzed on a couple sprays of your favorite sensual perfume. Just for good measure. You never knew who you would see.
There was a reason you and Anna were besties, you thought as you looked to your bestfriend walking next to you. She complimented both you and your style so well. Business casual, but make it hot.
You finally arrived at the restaurant two minutes early. But to your surprise, the huge reserved section in the back was already almost completely full. Everyone was really making sure they were on time, you guessed.
You both meandered your way in, stopping to say “hi” to some of the other new trainees that you recognized. From a distance, Changbin flagged you down. He motioned for you to come to where he was sat.
“I figured you and Anna would come together. I saved you both a seat!,” he said, standing up out of his chair. He grabbed the chair seated next to his and pulled it out for you to sit down.
‘Too sweet,’ you thought as you took your place. “Thanks Binnie!”
The other seat next to you was presumably for Anna, so you waited for Changbin to pass you and pull it out for her as well.
“Anna,” he caught her attention, instead turning the other way to take his seat. “That seat is for you!,” he smiled, pointing down to it.
It was hard to hear with the loud noises coming from the crowd around you, but she understood what he was saying and took her spot.
Sitting in front of you were a few other trainees that you had met a couple of times before. Both girls and guys- all super nice. You exchanged formal “hello’s” and “how are you doing?”.
You scanned the room to look for the other boys, but only Felix was in sight, standing far in the other corner of the room and talking with some of the new male trainees.
“Binnie, did none of the kids come except Felix?” you looked at him.
“Nah, they were all working on stuff. But don’t worry, I’ll always make time for you!” He spread a loving smile across his face.
You couldn’t believe you were so lucky to get Changbin as your mentor. Hardly any of the mentors were here. You had made sure to carefully check for any sight of Chris, but to your relief, he was nowhere to be found.
———————————————
The rest of the night was filled with plenty of amazing food, fun conversations, and new deep connections made with other contestants.
But if you were being honest, you definitely knew you had a few too many drinks. You were feeling good, yes. But almost past the point of feeling good. You could feel your stomach start to get the tiniest bit queasy and the world around you started to blur the tiniest bit. Your head felt like it was floating.
‘Okay y/n, you are cut off,’ the last ounce of soberness in your brain thought. But that is where the final sober thought ended.
“Binnie, can I be honest?” you leaned into him, almost letting your face touch his chest.
He looked down at you with big eyes. “Of course, what’s up?”
“I’m just…” you trailed off, beginning to look at his lips and then back up to his face. “I’m just really happy you’re here with me.” You smiled.
“I’m happy too. Thank you for inviting me to come.”
“Well you are always invited to come anywhere with me. I want you to know that.”
He blushed.
That should have been your signal. That should have been your warning to stop yourself. In your drunken state, you couldn’t sense that your words would come across as flirty. You didn’t mean it in that way- not in the slightest. You just wanted to express your love and appreciation to your friend. It was innocent, honestly. But Bin couldn’t tell that.
“You’re so sweet, y/n.” He leaned down further into you until his lips were hovering just above your head. “And if I’m honest, I’m really glad that I’m getting to know you better.” He let out a soft smile.
You went in for a hug, burying your face into his chest in the process. His chest was so strong and warm. “I needed to hear that… I wish everyone else felt the same,” you accidentally let slip out. Again, you didn’t even realize what you were saying. You were too far gone and you needed to go home.
“Like who? Is anyone giving you a hard time?” Changbin asked.
“No, it’s- well maybe. I don’t know. It’s nothing…” you paused. “Binnie, I think I’ve done all I can do tonight,” you accidentally leaned over into him. “I think I need to go home.”
“Yeah of course. Stay here for just a second. Let me get Anna.”
He gently got up from his chair, so as not to startle you too much, and walked a few steps toward Anna who had moved into a group of people who were stood chit-chatting.
He returned to you a few seconds later. “Anna is going to stay around for a while. Is it okay if I walk you to your hotel?” He reached his hand out for you to take it.
You happily obliged, using his hand to lift up all your weight in your stupor state. You felt a little unbalanced, but nothing that you couldn’t manage. Nothing that you couldn’t walk off on the way back to the hotel anyway.
Bin swiftly moved behind you, using one arm to stabilize around your waist and the other to reach out in front of you to continue to give your hand the needed stability. This way, he could see you right in front of him as you walked and make sure you didn’t trip over.
You both took slow steps toward the exit, breezily waving goodbye on your way out.
Your eyes caught Felix’s on your way out. You tried to wave, just a simple acknowledgment.
You may have been drunk, but not drunk enough to make out the the panic on Felix’s face. You couldn’t ponder on it for too long though, as a slight step up past the doorframe caught your foot.
You felt yourself lose balance, about to topple over, but Changbin felt your change in positioning and clung onto your tighter. As suddenly as you felt yourself begin to fall, you felt yourself stay stationary in the air.
“Ahhh,” you mumbled.
“Alright, come on. Up, up, up,” Changbin said lowly while pulling your body back to standing.
You giggled once he got you up. “I didn’t know you were that strong!” you said, excitedly, as you collected yourself enough to step forward again and out of the restaurant.
He moved his arm now to link up with yours. “This is why I train up! So I can catch you apparently,” he laughed.
You let out a giggle as you stepped into the cold wind. It caught you off guard, not remembering how cold it had been when you’d arrived. One more step and one huge gust of wind almost knocked you off balance again. You felt your leg start to teeter.
“Woah, woah!” Changbin laughed, catching your body from the side this time. “Be careful or you’re gonna take us both down!”
You couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this was. Was it funny because of the alcohol? Absolutely. Without it, you’d be humiliated beyond belief. But now, you were more amused than you had been in the last week. You couldn’t stop giggling, cueing Changbin to start chuckling back at you.
“Come on, let’s get you home,” he said, once you stabilized.
“Okay, okay,” you took a deep breath in and then snapped your fingers. “I’m good. I’m good! Okay, I’ve got this. Let’s go,” you smiled.
He roped his arm back around yours to give you an anchor as you both walked, now both stepping out past the side of the restaurant, no worries in the world.
——————————————————————
Chan’s POV:
He sat on the couch of his studio for a moment, taking in his surroundings.
He didn’t know why he’d done it. He didn’t know why he’d done any of this. Why he canceled on you, why he brushed you off when you clearly wanted to speak with him, why he tried to make you jealous earlier.
After all, Felix told him that you had something with Jungkook. What did he expect? That it was just a rumor? That if he texted you right then, any plans you had with JK would just magically disappear?
Did he expect you to just drop everything and fall in love with him?
The only reason he got the balls to message you in the first place was because Felix told him you were going to see someone else. So why was he backing out now?
He guessed the stress of ACTUALLY seeing the two of you together- physically present in front of him- set him off. He didn’t even want to think about you being that close to another man, let alone see it.
It should have been him doing that with you. But, like always, he blew his own fucking chance.
He freaked out. He shut himself down and shut you out. He wanted to make you feel the same way he felt seeing you with someone else.
He sat and pondered for a moment.
‘It’s all in your head anyways, Chris. She’s not jealous over what you’re doing. She probably hasn’t even thought twice about you since. All you’re doing is making yourself look like a dick who goes after their own mentee…’
‘And Felix is right, it’s not a good look. Jenna objectively sucks. You don’t want to be associated with that. Hell, the conversations you had today were bone dry. You still have to support her, but from a distance will be fine.’
‘It’s just… ahhh,’ he threw his elbows down to rest over his knees, bringing his head down to his hands and letting them trace through his hair. He started pulling harshly at the strands of hair sliding through his fingers.
‘Why is it so fucking hard for you? Why can’t you just forget about her? You’re not going to, are you?’
‘But it doesn’t matter, you’re too much of a pussy to do anything anyways. You had her literally coming to your studio, and then you backed out like a fucking coward because of what? Because you saw someone else has a crush on her?’
‘Damn right Jungkook has a crush on her- he’d be crazy not to. But she only likes him because she doesn’t know how good YOU could be to her. You haven’t said or done shit!’
‘So why in the fuck are you sitting here moping, when you could actually apologize for being shitty and weird? You’re literally gonna just watch and do nothing and hope that nothing comes of this so you can have your chance?’
‘No, you’ve got to talk to her. So what, she’s been on a date or two with JK? It’s not like they were official or anything- if they were, you would have definitely heard about it.’
‘She could be way more into you than she is into him if you just TRY. Just do it. COME ON.’
Chris jumped up off the couch. This was probably the best timing he was going to get, and it was now or never. He had already checked with Felix, so what was he waiting for?
He looked at his reflection in the camera app on his phone.
He’d looked worse, he thought. He was just grateful to be changed out of those god-awful pastels.
He threw his black fluffy jacket on and grabbed the flowers he had purchased for you this morning, silently thanking himself that he didn’t throw them away earlier in a jealous rage.
Heading out of the company building, he kept the pep talk going in his mind as he quickly dashed toward the Nine Mile restaurant. He silently thanked god that it was only a few minutes away.
‘You’ve got this, Chris.’
‘It’s nothing, it’s nothing! It’s literally nothing.’
‘All you have to say is what you feel. It’s that simple. You want to get to know her more and you’d like to see her sometime, not at the company.’
‘She doesn’t have to know everything else. She doesn’t have to know you saw her earlier. She doesn’t have to know that’s why you canceled on her.’
‘But damn you may have some explaining to do if she brings something up about you and Jenna.’
‘No, she probably didn’t even notice or care.’
‘All you can do is lay it out on the table. If she doesn’t want you, then she doesn’t want you. But at least you can say you tried. You can live with no regrets.’
‘Come on, don’t back out. You can do this. You can do this,’ he repeated to himself as he saw the glow of the restaurant’s sign quickly approaching.
He quickly looked down to check his phone and get the time. He was hoping you hadn’t left yet by the time he got there.
As he went to put the phone away, he heard a familiar voice.
“Chan! Hey, what are you doing?”
Fuck. It couldn’t be.
The voice was recognizable, but the outline, not so much. All black outfit with a black mask. If Chan hadn’t heard him speak, he’d have no clue it was Jungkook. He was just standing there, leaning against the wall of the business directly next to the restaurant. It was a little ominous really, hidden away in the shadow of a street sign- the light of the moon not even able to hit him.
“Hey man, what’s up?” Chan tried to play it off like he wasn’t internally freaking out.
“Ah, I was just about to meet a friend. What about you? Are you headed to the JYP party in there?” He motioned to the restaurant.
‘Okay great, so he’s here to meet a “friend” and just so happened to know that YOU would be here… a SECOND date with him in one goddamn day?!’
Chris got extremely flustered. All of the confidence he once held was now leaving his body entirely.
Did he want to be brave? Yes.
Did he want to prove that he could be better for you? Yes.
Did he idealize in his head how this night was going to go and now that’s all going to shit? Yes.
Chan was officially in panic mode.
“Ah you know what, I was going to head in for a bit, but damn, you just reminded me! I ran off and left my wallet. I’m gonna have to go find it before someone else does. Ah fuck,” he lied through his teeth.
“I’m sorry man, that’s the worst! Do you need me to hold your stuff for you til you get back?” JK said, looking down to the flowers in Chan’s hands.
“Oh these? Yeah, it’s a ... friend’s birthday! So I had picked these up. But uhm… Actually, if you want them you can have them! By the time I walk back and turn everything upside down to find my wallet, I don’t know that I’ll actually make it back here. The flowers are probably gonna die tonight without water anyway, so I’ll have to buy another batch tomorrow. Please feel free to take them off my hands if you think you or someone else could use them. Seriously."
Chris didn’t really know why he said this. He didn’t know why he had lied about so much. He owed NOTHING to JK. Were they friends? Sure, but not close enough to feel bad about liking the same person.
He just needed to be out of this moment quick.
There he was again- a coward. Running away from his feelings, he knew. He knew he was ruining it yet again. But he couldn’t confront this reality. Not now. Not so openly and in front of everyone. He needed to get out fast.
“I mean sure man, I’ll take them if you don’t want them. I’ll find someone to give them to at least,” JK smiled down and took the bouquet into his hands. “Be careful going back in this cold! It’s getting ridiculous.”
All of a sudden, Chan heard it. It was unmistakable. His favorite sound in the world. Your laugh was coming closer.
He looked off a few yards away to see you stumbling out of the restaurant, holding tightly to Changbin.
In that moment, he was cursing his luck that Changbin got to have you as a mentee instead of him.
He knew you'd be searching for Jungkook at any moment. He needed to get out fast.
“Yeah, you too man. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”
Chan turned on his heels with his head down and sped away. He didn't dare look back for fear of what he might see. He knew he couldn't take it again.
In that moment, he was thankful for the strong wind chill hitting his face, drying out the singular tear rolling down his cheek.
At least he knew his flowers would get to you somehow.
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Y/n's POV:
You held on to Binnie for dear life, making small strides so as not to lose the little bit of balance you had.
"I've still got to have a mentee for the show, so we have to get you back in one piece! If not, I'll kill you," Changbin said, letting out a chuckle.
In your drunken state, it made you cackle.
"You couldn't kill anyone Binnnnnnieee. You're too sweet," you smiled and booped him on the nose. You felt yourself lose your footing the slightest bit, but quickly moved your hand back to your side to stabilize.
"I'm sweet, but that doesn't mean I couldn't crush you in two seconds," he teased. "One squeeze while I've got you in a headlock and you're a goner."
"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try!" you challenged him, stopping mid-stride and taking one step back.
"Oh you're on!" he made quick work to pull your arm around to your side, moving your whole body along with it until you were turned away from him. One swift movement had his bicep around the side of your neck, arm extended around the other half, until his hand reached your opposite shoulder.
Suddenly, you felt yourself working harder to breathe.
He took his other hand and harshly rubbed it as fast as he could on the top of your head. "Noogies just for good measure!" he yelled.
"Okay, OKAY, you win! I give up!" you choked out as best as your could.
Suddenly, he released the pressure off of your neck and you took a deep breath in, your red face trying to tame itself.
As you panted, Changbin teased you. "So what were you saying about me not being able to absolutely destroy you?"
You playfully, lightly shoved into him. "Shut up. Knowing that, I don't know if I want you to walk me back now! Wouldn't want to risk anything, ya know?"
"I promise to not use my skills anymore tonight. Deal?" he laughed and held his extended arm out for you to loop your own into.
"Deal," you smiled and wrapped your arm around his, starting back on the journey to your original destination.
As you went to turn your head, you noticed something in the corner of your eye. A dark figure gently shifted in the shadow behind the restaurant. Fully black clothed, mask on his face. But the shoes- the shoes were a dead giveaway.
'Aren't those the shoes Jungkook was wearing earlier?'
You'd never forget them. Black, but with golden laces and a bit of golden detailing on the slight platform. You'd made a mental note earlier of how nice they were. You could barely make them out in the darkness, but there was no mistaking that they were the same pair.
You were looking back now, trying to make full eye contact. Why wasn't he coming to say hi to you?
His body shifted back further into the unlit cove.
An overwhelming feeling of uneasiness washed over you. You snapped your head back around to the front, focusing now on your walking. You started to pick up the pace as best you could.
"Woahhh, you okay?" Changbin said, noticing the shift.
You honestly didn't know.
'Why would Jungkook be here? Let alone be lurking in the shadows instead of coming to talk to you?'
'He knew you'd be here,' you told yourself. 'And he knew you'd be here with Bin. Is that what this is about? He's jealous already? Jealous enough to freaking follow you around all night? How could he not "trust you" if you weren't even together?'
You felt your heart begin to race inside your chest. Looking down at the ground, you whispered, "Binnie... I may be paranoid but think I might be getting followed."
Your strides were even wider now, as Changbin tried to follow suit.
"Why? Did you see something?!"
"There's this guy I know standing back there at the corner of the building where it was totally dark. I told him earlier that I'd be here with you. He didn't even acknowledge that I was here. Please just get me home!"
You both started moving as quickly as you could toward the end of the street, rounding a corner. You looked back to see if Jungkook was still in site. You didn't see anything, but that didn't mean he wasn't still following.
Changbin flagged down a cab and pushed the both of you inside.
"The JYP Building, please. Quickly." he instructed the cab driver.
"That's the opposite direction of my hotel! Here, it's actually-" you tried to chime in until Changbin cut you off.
"If someone is following you, do you really want them to know which direction to take for your hotel?"
'Good point.'
"JYP Building please!" you yelled toward the cab driver. You clung tight to Changbin's arm, swerving your head frantically to get a view through all of the windows.
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✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 6
✨If you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3
✨author's note: i know the past few chapters have been a bit tough, but i promise the next chapter starts to look up :)
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Your art reminds me so much of the game Hades, but like, the women have realistic bodies and unique faces and ur not afraid to make a character actually look rugged in a way that so many big name artists don’t even bother… no shade to the game I’m just a picky artist who loves women in more shapes than just Hollywood Skinny 😂
This is a major compliment btw. Your art is always so beautiful and I just love your character design
Hey, thank you!! Honestly I had some peeves with Hades when it came to actual... Eh, diversity, but they've tried to do it better for Hades 2. Hephaestus and Hestia do at least have some different bodytypes (and they've been a massive controversy on twitter, of course...)
However there's also some faces that were a bit more unique in Hades 1 that have been... pretti-fied for 2? (Aphrodite looks more anime-y in the new one, Demeter had a stronger jaw and looked older on the first one). I admit I'm a bit terrified of how BAD the discourse has got whenever any videogame has anything but hyperattractive standard people
But I get you. Sometimes I feel like things would be easier for me art-wise if I just... Limited myself to the good ol' Hollywood Skinny. I'd def get less comments or asks of people pissed at me for drawing "ugly people" (jfc). I'm also aware that my more "conventionally-attractive" (mind the quotes) characters do tend to get more attention. Hell, Yxala used to receive more love before I started to seriously work on her bodytype. People love "muscle mommies" up until there's more than 1% body fat or they look actually old in any way lol
I'm sorry if I come out too harsh, finding out someone made an entirely new account to bypass a block to keep talking shit to me because Yxala has a belly kinda put me in a weird mood about this stuff!!
#like i actually have so much more to improve too#but oh gods it's a bit scary when even the barest minimum gets you harassed to no fucking end#people have been giving so much shit to hadestwo because hermes looks asian#YOU KNOW THE GAME WHERE THE ART DIRECTOR IS ASIAN????????????#aaaaaaaaa gods kill me
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On the topic of AU characters -- I made a genderbent character of a canon character back when I was younger, and she has since kind of become my own character lol. Thing is, she still looks very similar to the canon character. I know genderbent stuff is kinda discourse-y in general, so I just wanted to know!
It'd be best to run specifics by a staff member to make sure! You can do so on-site or through our Discord server. Hope you're able to sort everything out!
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for the ask game! 1, 6, 12, 17, 24!
thank you!!
1. when did you first watch/discover good omens, and how did you find out about it?
ooh thats a good one! one time i was at the beach with my family and my uncle (who is quite the cinephile) was watching it on tv. i arrived just in time to see azi and crowley beating their sentences and swapping back! which means when i actually watched the series i already knew about the body swap lol. this was before s2 even was announced. but i only watched it entirely after i started seeing memes about it on pinterest for no reason (??) so i sat down and watched it. that was also before s2, but only AFTER it came out that i got on the fandom
6. who is your favorite side character?
muriel! i just love them sooo so much <33 cupperty?
12. has your interaction with the good omens fandom been overall good or bad?
pretty good id say. ive seen discourse on my dash but i’ve always avoided it and ive never actually been part of any
17. what is your favorite husband-y moment between aziracrow?
oh i wouldn’t know! i love their moments from s1 lol but i think… “our car” and “our bookshop” are top close with “do we know a jim?” soooo married lol (yes none of these moments are from s1 im just contradicting myself ig)
24. what's a theory for season 3 that you NEED to be included?
ok i was going kind of wild with the theories in the beginning but now im kinda… chill? i dont really care, i trust Neil will do a great job with our husbands as he always has <3 but if i had to pick one, aziraphale completely wrecking shit up in heaven. in a structural way i mean (which is what probably is going to happen so not much of a theory… yeah idk)
#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#good omens 2#good omens fandom#gomens#good omens season 2#muriel#good omens season one#good omens season three#my asks
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quick q bc i’m curious, based on one of your recent posts. i don’t even know who kennedy walsh is, but i’m just surprised by the post in general. are we not using this girl because she has family that’s zionist? like, so do i. i don’t associate with them and i’m not happy about it. but we’re blacklisting her bc someone shes related to seems to be zionist? i’m just kinda curious about how you feel.
i love having alternative fcs for anyone, im not against the post. i guess i’m just confused. forgive me if i’m being too tumblr-discourse-y.
no, you hit the nail on the head as far as i'm concerned. i normally wouldn't answer something like this so specifically as a public post, but i had the exact same reaction as you did, anon. i barely know who kennedy walsh is, before someone accuses me of being a crazy stan or something.
i've seen plenty of documentation of her family -- who, to be fair, it does seem like they have a youtube family kind of thing? -- posting that kind of stuff, but i've not seen a single receipt on kennedy herself. i was directed to a subreddit that seems to be dedicated exclusively to picking apart every single thing this family does, it's like a horrible parasocial hatred. i don't really consider that a reputable source? i honestly don't think anyone should. i also saw a claim that kennedy was deleting and/or blocking comments in support of palestine, but in addition to not being able to back that up, to me, that reads like a scared twenty-something who's afraid of losing the lifestyle she loves.
i had someone tell me previously that aidan gallagher is a zionist, and i didn't check that one out myself before accepting and posting it. upon further investigation, however, it seems like all of the content in question is coming from aidan's father, who is also his manager. i have a very hard time blaming young adults who are too afraid to or somehow incapable of standing up to their momagers. a few years back, i remember the slew of people that got shit on for following trump on twitter, having republican family members, etc. i'm really disappointed to see that type of broad stroke blacklisting still continue here.
not to mention i see content of actual zionists on my dash literally every single day, why do we only care when it's someone we already don't like?
i'm not putting this in the tags and i'll also take it down soon, but this is a reminder that no one has to agree with me lol. unless there's new information apart from what i've indexed here, i am also not open to rebuttal about this. anon, i agree with you completely. at the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and their own standards. what i will continue to have an issue with is exaggerated negative portrayals of people/media/etc just because we feel like we need an excuse to not like something.
#like i'm sorry if you're one of those people who#because certain people don't get the compassion they deserve#just have decided that no one deserves empathy or a second chance#but that's backwards#because some of us deserve to be heard and understood#we all do#especially people whose brains are literally not finished developing yet#tbd#discourse cw#zionism tw
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My Our flag means death hot takes 🥵🔥
(Except most of them are frankly not very controversial and I’m really not looking to argue lol)
All Izzy Hands discourse would be solved if people online started analyzing him like he was an interesting plot component that serves ofmd’s themes and not a real person who needs to be held accountable for his actions
Additionally, all Izzy Hands discourse is stupid and exhausting
Black Pete is criminally underrated in the fandom despite being a very prominent character in the show. He’s absolutely hilarious, I can name so many moments with him that made me bust out laughing. We need more Pete appreciation.
Its a big pet peeve of mine when ofmd fan content has the characters talk/think about their sexualities and gender identities with modern language and sensibilities. One of the reasons I think everything is so normalized and no big deal on the revenge is because they have no concept of what being “lgbt” is. It’s just, “I only like to fuck guys” and “I don’t like being treated like I’m a guy or a girl”. Trying to put these characters into boxes and label them with labels that they would have never used just feels awkward to me. It’s much more interesting when people explore how Ofmd’s queer characters would rationalize and explore their identities without having any technical words to describe themselves. It’s really comforting to me as someone who often times gets stressed over not being able to properly label myself.
I think Jim is in a different genre just as much (if not more) than Izzy. Every time it cuts to one of their subplots it’s like being transported to a cowboy revenge movie. I totally get the “Izzy is in the wrong genre” meme, I find it absolutely hilarious, but it just seems kinda weird to me that Jim is frankly the much better fit for that type of joke and I’ve literally seen no one recognize that. We need more “Jim is in the wrong genre” content, pretty much
I don’t want Stede’s character development in season two to be him becoming a badass more competent and rugged pirate. I’ve seen a lot of people who really want that to happen and the idea of it actually makes my skin crawl. The only time we’ve ever seen Stede behave the way we’d expect a pirate to behave (the “unhand me or bleed” scene) was because he was feeling trapped, lonely, and unlike himself. I am definitely down to see Stede spiral down a path similar to that, where he becomes more violent and pirate-y out of desperation or something, but I REALLY don’t want this to be presented as necessary and positive character development. The theme of ofmd is that “there’s more than one way to be a man”, and piracy and the expectations around it are often times used to represent manhood. Stede being an unconventional pirate who wears fancy outfits and doesn’t like blood is essential to this theme, and if he were to subdue or grow out of these traits to fit into the more standard mold the literal villains of the series want him to fit in it would be a betrayal of his character.
All of your “OFMD Season 2 sound track predictions” playlists are wrong I’m sorry 😭😭 guys theirs not going to be any mitski, MCR, or Billie Eilish songs in s2 two please take a walk ✋🏼
Additionally, the only ABBA song I want in season two is SOS. It fits the tone and the plot perfectly, gimme gimme gimme or lay all your love on me would just seem out of place.
While we’re on the subject of season two, you guys know that ofmd isn’t just a show about representation, right? Our flag means death obviously has fabulous queer and poc rep, and that’s great! But just because those things are a part of the appeal doesn’t mean thats the entire purpose of the show. People often criticize ofmd by saying things like “there weren’t enough women, there should’ve been more women characters”. Our flag means death is a show about (and I’ll say this again) masculinity, and the many ways someone can be a man. So of course, most of the characters are men. Just because ofmd is a show known for its positive representation doesn’t mean it’s obligated to include every minority that could possibly benefit from that. And I would totally understand if the critic was “Ofmd’s female characters aren’t well written”, but no one’s saying that! The few women characters in ofmd are adored by the fandom and amazingly well written. So I don’t see what the problem is, there are stories about queer women and women of color that focus on the unique experiences and struggles they face, but ofmd isn’t one of those stories, nor did it ever claim to be.
I don’t think Izzy hates Calico Jack like a bunch of the fandom seemed to decide. They obviously have very similar world views and motivations, and at least some history (jack calls Izzy a sentimental bastard, ffs). It’s more likely to me that Izzy sought out Jack’s help trusting that he was putting Ed in good hands then as a begrudging last minute “which one of Ed’s exs is most likely to agree to this” kinda thing.
All of the canon couples in the show got a partially on screen sex scene (even Mary and Doug, c’mon now). When Stede and Ed patch things up and become an actual couple they are 100% going to be at least implied to have had sex, I bet on it
This isn’t a hot take tbh, but it’s pretty funny to mention that my “omg they’re not queerbaiting” moment wasn’t “you wear fine things well” or the ep6 opening monologue or this is happening, no, I was absolutely certain that they weren’t playing around because of the pee scene. You heard me, THE PEE SCENE. The pee scene was my heart stopper
Anyways that’s pretty much all I’ve got at the moment, ik I have more spicy hot smoking takes somewhere in my deteriorating brain but I can’t find them rn, so stay tuned for a part two if I ever decide I want to break tumblr again with my epic never before seen opinions
#our flag means death#ofmd#stede bonnet#izzy hands#black pete#jim jimenez#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#stede bonnet x edward teach#edward teach#calico jack
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So is now a good time to mention a small discourse-y fandom thing I just noticed? (Under the cut if you don't wanna see mentions of the Quinn stuff that's happened lately)
First off I genuinely don't think this was intentional, Erik said he doesn't go into the fandom tags and I believe (and hope) he doesn't cuz the whole "Oh Quinn's arc was disappointing" bit probably would have felt pretty shitty if he saw it.
That said, it is almost meta the way Quinn was yelling at Darlin about how "you can't walk away from me, you've never been able to," how he lives in their head and will forever even after he's dead, how he wants you to think about him all the time, no matter what...
That's kinda what he did to us, right?
Like a lot of us thought he was gonna be some big bad villain, that he had a Machiavellan Moriarty-level scheme deep down, that he was gonna attack people and have some big show down... but no, turns out, he's just a mean little guy.
We bought into his own hype about himself, we made him a bigger player than he was ever supposed to be, and now he's just gonna go out the way mean little guys should, by just being forgotten.
(Yeah, I can see how there was some potential foreshadowing, with Babe and Angel needing to be kept safe until he was found, with the Keaton pack finding him, but all in all he never made himself into a big threat. He was known to be old and powerful and hit hard but also be a loner who picked off other loners, he didn't even try to fight Sam even though Sam admitted he might not have won against him. You can be a little disappointed he's not gonna be a bigger villain or that some set up didn't have a big payoff, but honestly this ending is still great and emotionally fulfilling and if you're mad about it thars fine but keep it to yourself lol)
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okay it’s getting quite… silly and goofy fun times… like what are you plotting…
CAUSE I KNOW EVERY TIME ITS BEEN AWW… THEY’RE HAVING FUN IT’S SO CUTE. AND THEN BAM 180 turn: y/n gets run over! yuqi and dejun beef almost breaks the friend group! y/n gets stalked!
not that i hate it though… i live for the drama
i get the ricky, yanan, yizhuo sus arguments tbh. ricky just seems like he’s awkward with everyone there, and when he always offers money to the group and gets rejected 🥹🥹 i’m personally biased bc i love ricky though…
i think it’s cool how you’re paralleling the similarities between ricky and chenle though, both like basketball, both from shanghai, both loaded. getting some 2nd lead syndrome here too 😭😭
yanan being suspicious is kinda off to me too bc i feel like you wouldn’t take it out on y/n, more so on chenle. although he does seem to dislike y/n based on what she’s been saying so there’s that 😭😭 idk cause yanan and chenle’s relationship doesn’t seem that strained and they both still live together lol and interact. even though chenle spilled/leaked??? (i think) the fact that yanan was gay, he doesn’t seem to be too upset by it. also chenle’s parents lowkey shitty so getting disowned doesn’t seem too bad.
yizhuo on the other hand… there’s not much motives from her other than being chenle’s ex. not saying it’s her actually, there’s probably some motives that you haven’t revealed yet so i’m merely making guesses on what has been revealed so far.
have a fun time in china!!!
-🍉
FUNNY YOU SAY THAT 🍉 ANON (tmrs chapter will be short. be prepared 🫡)
when i first watched boys planet i immediately was like “bro tHATS LITERALLY CHENLE” ricky became one of my favs too and although my biases are matthew and taerae in zb1, ricky’s always been my bias wrecker lmfaooo 💀💀
he would be my bias except for the fact that one of my irls WHO MIND YOU DOES NOT PAY ATTENTION TO IDOLS and only listens to music (we love her for that) only likes ricky and ten and i think that’s so funny, so i let her have him 🫡
yanan and chenle get along yes, at least in chenle’s eyes. if there is any discourse between the two, chenle wouldn’t know 🤷♀️ AND YES chenle did accidentally reveal to his family that yanan was gay, how it happened will be explained eventually, but chenle still feels really really guilty about what happened.
aha, i won’t say wether or not the motive has been clear or elaborated on yet, but i love reading all of y’all’s thoughts 🤭🤭 and they’re all pretty good reasons too !!
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ATLA spoilers/Azula stuff. Kinda big mad now, why does this fandom suck so hard.
I posted something in the ATLA fandom for the first time and was super excited about participating. Then I was immediately grossed out by how much ship hate and toxic discourse there is oml.
The ship wars surrounding Zutara are bad enough, especially when I ship all the things. But on top of that, apparently if you think Azula can be redeemed (not in the sense of being forgiven, but more like coming to terms w her past actions and sorting out her very, very obvious baggage), or are even ambivalent to the idea, you're a fascist sympathizer?!
I don't even care what happens to Azula. but some people really gotta chill with the attacks and tbh, totally reductive takes?
For starters, Azula was literally groomed to become a child soldier by her father. It doesn't excuse her actions at all, but there are so many signs in the show to explain why she is like she is, and why her finding some kind of closure wouldn't be out of the blue. The whole point of her and Zuko's backstories were to show how things came to be how they were. The writers and animators didn't put that stuff there for no reason.
That look on her face when Ty Lee was speaking during the campfire scene, for example? She was obviously sympathetic to Ty Lee, but as soon as Ty Lee looked at her, she snubbed her! She wanted to care, but she didn't want to show it. World's most obvious 'tough guy' act, and how much do we wanna bet it was because her father didn't let her show weakness, and she was just more receptive to indulging it than Zuko was, for whatever psychological reasons? She came off like she was hard-wired for self-interest, which probably predisposed her to all of Ozai's bs. But I also see people calling Azula a psychopath, and I'm like bruh, did we watch the same show?! A psychopath would feel no emotions about hurting people, Azula clearly does feel stuff, even if she takes pride in her war-related work, which does involve hurting/killing people. She's not a psychopath by definition, plain and simple, calling her that is reductive af.
I don't even think 'psychopath' is the right term to use in general for people like that, so there lol. Credibility points -1.
Then she apologized to Ty Lee during the party. Her apology could've just been a way to keep Ty Lee on her side, but then she went a step further and openly admitted to being jealous of Ty Lee. What purpose did that serve in the initial apology? None! She just did it because reasons, it had no functional or tactical purpose. Her interactions with all the party people screamed that she wanted relationships, too, but she didn't know how to communicate, and it obviously bugged her. She was upset about it.
She's shown she cares for Zuko at many different times, for example, she finds out he's been visiting Iroh, but she doesn't tell anyone even though she should. She's 'looking out for him'.
She also had a total breakdown at the end of the show. Again does it excuse her actions? Nah fam, not at all. But her emotional turmoil was super obvious. She'd built up an identity around being strong and winning at all costs, and she lost it, and she never got closure with her mom, so she didn't have anything left and she just.. cried. That doesn't sound irredeemable to me, that sounds like a scared fucking person who is wondering why the f everything they're doing, which they've been told to do from day one, is falling apart.
She's a 14-y/o child soldier, and I'm not about to say child soldiers are all irredeemable (again in the context of finding self acceptance and closure) in spite of the horrors they've done and the brainwashing. She's also a product of her environment and her abusive father, of generational trauma, and I'm not about to say people who grew up in abusive households can never get better from all the harm that was done to em! I've seen some really shitty people totally turn over a new leaf.
One of the best quotes from the show is something Aang says: 'Roku was just as much Fire Nation as Sozin was, right? If anything, their story proves anyone's capable of great good and great evil.'
So I'm not buying the narrative that Azula is pure distilled evil and has nothing going for her, not with what the show has given us. Ozai had virtually no redeeming qualities, but there are so many hints with Azula that it really pisses me off to see so much garbo talk around her.
Anyways that's my complaining for today.
I really don't wanna go near this fandom. I don't know what the tags are for discourse/harassment free stuff, where people can just ship what they want, and want what they want, without being heckled or shit on. If anyone knows a tag or some blogs like that, hmu.
(Inb4 all the people without nuance interpret this as 'I support Azula's war crimes', who are the main reason I sure as f won't be letting this loose with reblogs. I guess people can still screenshot this and take bits out of context, but idgaf. Their problem not mine!)
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So I personally don’t listen to a lot of new modern singers or music, just because I’m more of a 70s and 80s girl but also because whenever I try and listen to a new artist I generally just don’t like them. like the last new artists I listened to and liked was Lana del Rey and Lorde back in 2012-2013ish to that put it in perspective lol
Anyway I was listening to my 70s/80s songs today and it dawned on me that fans back then probably didn’t have parasocial relationships with the artists during those eras. maybe if the artist was really well known for some relationship drama or something, they’d speculate about the song or who it was written for, but i feel like when a song/album was released, they listened to it, they liked or disliked it, maybe they discussed the lyrics/instruments/melody of song etc with people and that was it. like they continued to listen to the album or any new stuff the artist put out but they weren’t hung up on the artist themself, going “omg this was totally about x and these lyrics refer to how y did during his relationship with x”. idk it just seems like it was a lot more fun back then when the artist dropped a song or album and everyone was excited to hear the album for *the songs themselves* and not for what/who the songs were gonna be about.
anyway aside from me just liking older songs better, I wonder if I subconsciously stay away from newer music because of all the discourse around it that’s everywhere on social media. sorry this is kinda long but I wanted to get this out somewhere lol
wow i've never thought of this actually but that makes total sense.
Obviously parasocial relationships existed back then, the Beatles being a perfect example, but it's at an entirely new level these days. Back then artists kept things private and if they didnt, it was easy to avoid or be ignorant with the lack of media like the internet or news networks focusing on celebrity gossip. Now we have all of that, plus artists often intertwine their personal lives with public persona/brand (whether it's their choice or just kind of happens). It's so hard to avoid nowadays.
Outside of their personal lives, I think artists are just way too public nowadays. Artists (not necessarily small ones, i'm talking about bigger ones or ones on the rise) don't really get to make a first impression anymore, even before we hear a song, we might already have an idea of who they are. It's really hard to go in completely blind with big artists because you're force-fed so much unimportant lore that sours the music. It's just really not about the music anymore at all, which is sad because at the end of the day, that's the most important.
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not to get too discourse-y, but - ok so i don't literally buy into the idea that tom sees greg as like a little cherub wide eyed anime girl, but i do think that (to a certain extent at least) tom does have a fantasy version of greg to the extent that i think he kinda chooses to see greg as an extension of himself?
like, i think that when it comes to tom's theory of greg's mind, there's this big blank region that he either doesn't know how to map and/or refuses to look at too closely and that region is 'what does greg think about tom?' and i think he doesn't want to look too closely at that area because no matter what's in there he's not going to like it. in tom's mind, either greg doesn't like him at all (devastating, he can never fully admit this as a possibility) or greg DOES like him, at least some of the time, but this possibility presents its own unique kind of terror because recognition of mutual affection sets off some kind of emotional alarm bell and also makes the contradictions inherent to the structure of their relationship much harder to ignore. if greg likes tom, then tom has to be worthy of being liked by greg, and i don't think that he thinks that he is. (in some ways i think the idea of genuinely being liked by greg actually feels more unsafe to tom than the idea of just being passively tolerated or disliked by him, tom's in a bit of a lose-lose situation)
and so since both of these possibilities are bad, i think tom kinda just chooses to keep that area of the map as blank as possible and to believe that he can kinda just fill it in with whatever he wants? like, of course greg knows when he's joking and being serious. of course he can just brush off being teased. because tom gets to decide how greg feels about him and how he reacts to him, and for as long as he can get away with it the responses that tom is going to believe that greg ought to have are the ones that are going to be easiest and most convenient for him. imo, tom's fantasy of version of greg isn't necessarily a greg who's softer and sweeter but a greg who's never going to directly force him to confront his own feelings (which might correlate with him being softer and sweeter in certain situations, but i don't think that's the core of the fantasy)
HOWEVER, i think the core story of their relationship arc is the story of this myth slowly falling apart. this situation tom's put himself in has never been stable and the cracks have been showing almost since day 1, but i think s3 especially really brought them to this very interesting turning point where - by having greg ditch tom for kendall and for comfrey and with the prison deal - tom has to finally update his theory of greg's mind to accommodate the fact that greg is in fact capable of articulating an independent existence, and if he wants to keep him around he might actually have to learn how to explore those scary unmapped territories
sorry i wrote a whole essay here i hope it's not completely incoherent lol
honestly yeah i'm just gonna say that i basically totally agree with you here. the nuance is pretty fucking solid and like personally i've written tom to be often unable to be aware of greg (or anyone else that he really likes for that matter) being an independent person who is justified in having desires/needs that aren't related to himself (which i would say are due to having never really had desire for another person so strong and it's naturally just NOT gonna come with selflessness. bc like when have you ever seen a toddler who's just grapsed the concept of possessing things be gracious about sharing), and i highkey kin tom and do the same thing irl and i do think that a lot of late s2 and s3 tom actions towards greg are regarding that realization and desire to rectify his past crimes toward greg so to speak
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okay wait i just sent you the message in a bottle ask but i think i accidentally switched on anon for it my bad AHSKDJDB but i have another question for YEW‼️☝️ this time it’s a self ship one. if you had met your blorbo of choice on a reality tv series where everyone (including yourself) is depicted in a very specific light (purely meant to dramatize the episodes n keep viewers interested) would you be pitted against or for them? 🤔 and how would that fold out as the series progressed/as you got to know each other? >:3
AHAHA yeah anon was on for that one but i tagged it as you dw!!!
hmmmmm. ok this is an interesting one for me bc i don't really watch reality tv, like at all. the most i've seen is an episode here and there of the bachelor or bachelorette, and a handful of episodes of several seasons of big brother bc my parents watch it LMAO. and the great british baking show ig??? that's reality tv, kinda.
ANYWAYS. i think it depends. i get told a lot that i'm talkative and have a really bright and cheerful personality, but i think a lot of that is bc of how hard i still mask around strangers, which i assume is also how i would act if i were on a reality show lol. but in that case, i think it would probably be really played up how much gojo and i get along/are into each other just bc our personalities as so similar (even if that's only bc of how i present myself to other people). not to say that he and i wouldn't get along at all, but the production team definitely knows how to splice things together to make it look like more than it is. because of that, they could go one of two ways with me and geto: either he and i are played as good friends (his best friend is gojo, after all, and we're apparently very similar lol) OR they would play it like my personality drives him crazy bc i'm so friendly and sweet and sunshine-y and he's much more reserved and sticks mostly to himself. there's intense online discourse about which of us are actually having a showmance (& there's a small but loyal faction of people who fully believe all three of us are together. they're correct, obviously.)
tl;dr if we were on big brother all three of us would be in an alliance together and all the viewers would be going INSANE trying to figure out which one of us the other two would sacrifice to make it to final two.
ask me anything you want!
#THIS WAS SO FUN TO THINK ABT ACTUALLY AHAHAHA#ty for asking!!!#fallon's friends#lucky logan#asks answered#self ship tag
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lol about your post on fate+… i agree!!! long ass rant incoming 😭
first of all, the tour is very rushed. yes ik the boys have been hinting at it since their LA show back in october but announcing the tour the day after the last show of the regular fate tour and giving engenes only a week for ticketing is wild. but kpop companies have caught on that many fans will spend $$$ to see their idols and will gather up money somehow even with a few days notice. it’s so ughhh because it brings me to my next point.
the ticket pricing 🙄🙄 wdym nyc show VIP1 was $700+ with fees. and no benefits with the VIP package were announced so nobody including the arena staff know if send off is included. (i hope it isn’t cause goddamn after that first LA show it was a mess) ive never gotten VIP/GA tickets for any concert ever because i only started working a year and a half ago and just personally don’t think it’s worth it for me considering i make minimum wage at the moment. but i spent $150 without fees fate in newark for a pretty good seat at prudential. however for UBS ticketing today, seats just as good were $250-$300. like i get it’s a diff arena so diff pricing but DAMN? luckily i was able to snag $150 tickets towards the back of the 100s section but damn why is there a $100 upcharge for sitting like a few rows in front…bffr hybe. i went to see txt at UBS last year and the seats in the same area i sat in for that concert were $300+ today 😭😭😭 concerts in general are getting more and more expensive and it sucksss!!! but like i said, kpop companies know kpop stans will buy no matter the price so they unashamedly increase prices with each subsequent tour. that’s def why some groups are touring 24/7…and enha is def gonna become that group for hybe considering their international success is crazy. i have a feeling they plan to push txt more in korea and enha more internationally so enha is gonna keep on touring and touring.
i personally believe that even $200 w/ fees is kinda pushing it for a concert even it means a good view! but you can’t get good concert tickets for cheaper with any artist (why are drake tickets like $300 for nosebleeds)
my third point is rest 😭 for the sake of the boys health, the tour should be starting in late summer/early fall and with dates more spaced out. there was so much discourse on twitter about whether the tour should be boycotted or not. i felt really guilty even considering buying tickets cause of it. imo i believe that a boycott would only hurt the boys more. it’s ok to want to go see them. HOWEVER, belift/hybe should be giving the boys some time to rest because jfc they’re also comparing for a comeback. i hope the boys get AT LEAST a week without intense practices and constant filming. a month long rest is ideal but it’s not realistic knowing their management. i really really hope all goes well this tour and the boys stay healthy. jay my pookie wookie also seemed so excited to go to tacoma, even if it’s for a day so i hope he can visit his old hometown 😫😫
and with the large influx of y/n interaction loving engenes (ik i can’t talk because im sending this to a fic blog on tumblr.com) i hope the boys don’t have to deal with the same type of bullshit they did during this last tour. it’s inevitable tho, so many people are getting into enha because they do a lot of fanservice these days. i really want to know if they flirt 24/7 on weverse because it’s entertaining to watch the aftermath or because their management really wants to push the parasocial thing with them. makes sense if it’s the management tho considering send off was very interactive (a lot of the tiktoks of it went virallll) + the boys are constantly on vlive and making flirty comments these days (sunghoon when i catch u)
right??? i loveddd the fate tour and there was plenty of time between the announcement and the actual purchasing of tickets, if i remember correctly. but today was just a mess!!! :/ how have they not realized that some engenes need more than a week to prepare and come up with the money to attend, like i had friends selling photocard collections just to buy tickets 😭 but yeah ultimately just had to dish out money from their own pockets
i believe they all have send off now (i was buying vip1 tickets for my friends and it said so on the package) but i was shocked that they even had send off still after how bad it was last time 😭😭 (to be fair i think send off was rlly nice in la tho so fingers crossed they find a big space again to hold it in) but god it makes me so sad to hear that they're just running enha dry with tour after tour 😭 and right!!! there was literally a $200+ service fee?? that's literally the price of another ticket like wtf
honestly i don't think a boycott would help. i think it could if everyone committed to it, but the moment people mentioned it i knew it wasn't happening because people aren't actually willing to give up on seeing enha. realistically there's not even much of a point to the tour considering they have like 4 new songs?? svt hasn't toured in the us since be the sun and they're gonna have two albums of songs for their next tour now. i just wish belift would let enha space out their tours like that 💔 but!! i will say i am glad that jay gets to tour in his hometown in all this
LOL it is ironic to say that to a reader insert writer but it is more of a nameless oc insert for me!!! 🥲 but i totally get what you mean, there's so many engenes who only care about interactions and "y/n moments" like this girl literally shoved me during the fate tour when they came down the aisles??? 💀 like girl chill u can have heeseung omg 🚶♂️ no i'm not gonna lie i think the y/n stans on twitter have fallen victim to the parasocial relationship HARD and it feels like it all started because of the fate tour too 😭 it also doesn't help that belift pushes them to fit this perfect boyfriend image with the whole "dating my fans" kind of thing. i was sooo done with them after everyone started posting their selca days for jungwon's birthday like jfc 😭😭
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hi! same anon from earlier. my point isn't that I believe gerard is in any actual trouble etc nor is it our place to speculate on it. I just mean in general it's sort of in poor taste to make jokes concerning cults given that they're a serious matter and you never know who's been affected by them. not trying to argue or start any discourse or anything, just cautious about the topic of cults being made sort of joke-y (and reluctant to see it potentially become a fandom joke)
Ahh I gotcha! Yeah I guess I’m just kinda unaware of just how many people have been effected by them? I feel like the worst thing someone I knew getting into was pampered chef lol. I’ll delete my post
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