#kidneys..
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me when i remember my ocs have birthdays.. happy birthday guys
#splatoon ocs#seraphim doodles#xeno inkfish#xeno octoling#her name is sydney#and the little guys are her..#kidneys..#sydney(oc)
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EJ when you tell him to stop eating kidneys for two minutes (he must eat kidneys)
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So, a funny thing happened on trigun twitter
(amazon link where its 50% off as of May 8th: https://www.amazon.com/This-How-You-Lose-Time/dp/1534430997/)
(more up to date version here because holy fuck did this escalate)
#this is how you lose the time war#trigun#how tf do i tag this post#twitter posts#funny#images#if this is how a hugo author gets into trigun i will break a kidney laughing#tagging as trigun because bigolas dickolas wolfwood is a primarily trigun account#and for the vash pic ig
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anyways, as i was saying about older bf!simon and his willingness to please learn
pt 2 to this
“you ever heard of a nut video with sound on?”
obviously, he hasn’t- far as he’s concerned, if you haven’t told him about it then it doesn’t exist to him.
no skin off your nose, you’d spend the rest of your life teaching him about the ‘latest trends’ if it meant he kept sending those filthy fucking videos to your phone.
(your favourites on tiktok were purely filled with ideas)
he’s holed up in a remote location, killing time till he can be home and actually do something to you rather than send you a bloody video about it.
your instructions come through clear and concise, just how he likes:
“it’s what’s written on the can, si- you can pick the setup but i just want to see you cum and, most importantly, i want to hear it”
you’re lucky simon is such a practical guy and maybe you could thank price one day for making him so good at following orders.
when he’s got his alone time he’s setting his phone up to record on the edge of the window sill, moonlight fighting through the curtain to illuminate him.
he’s lost the bulkiest of his gear, down to his tactical trousers and a compression t-shirt. the images in his tattoo sleeve almost move when the light catches them right.
balaclava on (the one that just shows his eyes above the painted image of a skull) and he’s standing up to undo his belt (that you think looks like an airplane seatbelt).
you can hear his boots against the floorboard as he steps back to give you the full view of him undoing his trousers, taking his sweet time because he knows it drives you fucking batty.
he’s so big that the phone is working overtime to get all of him in the frame but you see exactly what you need to- thick thighs at your eye line and massive hands drawing down his fly.
on (you assume) the other side of the globe, you’re at home in your shared bed and you’re propped up right in the middle with the smell of simon engulfing you as you watch the video play out before you.
(if you’d thought about it you should’ve cast it to the bedroom tv, hoping the neighbours didn’t mind)
simon sits back down with his legs spread wide, one hand gripping his thigh as the other rubs himself over his boxers. his eye contact with the camera was fucking intense, like you’d hoped, just like when he’s on top of you.
he’s dressed in all black and the moonlight is obscured but you can still see him firming up in his pants. his eyes flutter, an infinitesimal amount but you’ve been tuned into his every move since you met him.
your thumb leans hard on the volume up button and you can hear the diegetic sound of the building expanding and that usual technical hum that comes with a video. but at this pitch, you could hear him.
his breathing was chopped, chest expanding visibly as he pulled his cock out into clear view. jeeeeesus christ, it was never something you just got used to.
long, reasonably straight, fucking thick. even his hand struggled to make it look smaller as he wrapped around it, giving one dry tug.
as he closed his palm over the tip, you saw him make a swipe before he brought his hand back down considerably smoother than before. you’d had your hands down his pants enough times, man leaked like a fucking faucet.
simon’s head tipped back as he started to pull himself off, balaclava raising just enough to expose some of his throat. if you were there you would be perched in his lap, letting him do the work but running your tongue under the lip of the fabric.
one of the best things about the videos simon sent was, he didn’t really understand how sexy he was. he didn’t think any of the videos particularly watchable so he’d just send them on first take. if you liked them, you liked them- yours was the only opinion that mattered.
what that meant was, you never got b-roll. everything he sent you was unbridled perfection. captured exactly as it happens with no faffing about.
always whatever you’ve asked for, whenever you ask.
(simon’s nothing if not inexplicably obedient)
he brings his hand under his chin to spit into the wide span of his palm, wrapping back around his cock and tugging. his foreskin moved over the head, rolling back down and thick veins bulging under his grasp.
you’d almost forgotten the conditions of your request, totally fucking enamoured by the sight in front of you when it caught you off guard.
a guttural moan ripped out of simon’s chest as he twisted his wrist.
his free hand moved to cup his balls, big and heavy, he rolled them in his palm as another groan sounded out of him. what you wouldn’t give to be knelt between his thighs with the whole lot in your mouth.
you knew how much of an ask this was, you really had to work him up to making noise when it was just you two in bed. these days? you couldn’t shut the man up when he was balls deep and his face was buried in the crook of your neck.
but this was another step, this was him on his own with his crew just through the walls. he’d be a plain liar if he said there wasn’t that rumbling trepidation in his chest. he’d put it to bed though.
all he had to think of was you, one hand gripping your phone and the other between your thighs as you watched him through with a hazy smile- that kept him going.
with the thought still heavy on his mind, you didn’t have to strain to hear your name drift off his lips. his hips bucked into his hand as he did, speeding up the motion of his strokes.
you were going to black out, his tattoos flexing and his chest expanding with every stuttered breath. simon looked like a god among men and he fucking sounded like one too.
“fuck, sweetheart- you’re so fucking filthy giving me orders like this”
your cheeks were burning, he wasn’t wrong but you weren’t expecting him to call you out quite like this.
“what does that make me? always so fucking eager to do what you say? make a dirty old man, yeah?”
wheeeeeew that’ll do it, your thighs snapped together around your hand as your eyes nearly rolled back in your head. whenever you thought you couldn’t take any more, he was always there to do you one better.
“only for you, pet- you can always get whatever you fucking want from me”
and you knew he was serious, that’s what made it all the more debilitating. simon was unshakeable, you’d seen him go out of his way to defy orders if he didn’t think the person worth his time.
when it came to you? you could tell him to kill and he would.
(he probably had)
simon’s hips were twitching, back arching in a way he’d rather die than have anyone else know about. his mouth was hanging open beneath the balaclava, your name and a string of expletives falling off his tongue.
so quick you nearly missed it, the hand that was cradling his balls moved to grip the fabric of his shirt and push it up his toned front. you couldn’t call his abs cut and defined, there was aged layer to them, but they were undeniably there.
you’d rested your head on them, pressed your palms against them, even ridden them enough times to know they were there. regardless, he looked fucking perfect under the moon glow as he stroked himself hard and long.
eyes locked onto the camera, broken moans on his lips, you saw his hips lift one last time as thick spurts of cum began to paint his stomach and chest.
scars illuminated under the night sky, mirrored by shiny patches of hot cum splattered across the same stretch of skin. the hairs on his chest were matted with sweat and were now being splashed with how far he was shooting.
you could only watch with your mouth hung open as he tugged himself through his orgasm. soon it was only the sound of his laboured breathing, chest rising and falling as he tucked his soft cock back into his pants.
just when you thought that was it, you found one of his hands lifting up the edge of his balaclava till his lips were exposed. two fingers of his other hand swiped up some of his spend before he lay them on his tongue.
knuckles in your mouth, biting down to suppress a scream, simon readjusted his clothes as he stood and took a heavy step towards the camera.
one hand braced on the window sill, the other gently gripping himself through his trousers- his voice was so fucking gravely it could’ve reverberated round your room.
“what’s next sweet’art? you name it, it’s yours”
#i actually went fucking crazy on this one i couldn’t stop writing#id give a fucking kidney to watch this guy jerk it on camera#anyways ANWAYS put a ghost mask in my bfs amazon cart- WHO SAID THAT?#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#ghost smut#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon riley drabble#simon ghost riley drabble#ghost drabble#simon riley blurb#simon ghost riley blurb#ghost blurb#older bf!simon
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Lived through my emergency mouth surgery!
Lightly terrorized the medical staff by cheerfully telling them ketamine is a drug you can literally physically outrun before surgery, then getting up and walking to the front room unassisted way before I should have afterwards.
#i got that toxin-resistant frugivore liver#and what a doctor described as 'mediy ideal kidneys'#i would have done numbers in the stone age
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kdynesis. oil painting
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dr simptio
anyways isnt aventurines boss form wife material
#AUGHHHH its so SO PEAK HES SO GENDER#what right does this man have to go into everyones lives and snatch their gender#omg imagine a boss form for topaz tho PLEASE FATHER HOYO I'D DO ANYTHING INCLUDING SELLING MY KIDNEY FOR THAT#also the triple fua dps team is genuinely so fun ik i could replace clara with rm/ting but WHO CARES ABOUT META#aventurine#aventio#aventurine honkai star rail#hsr#hsr fanart#honkai star rail#star rail#penacony#hsr penacony#dr ratio#ratiorine#hsr topaz#hsr aventurine
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Arts and Crafts with adopted daughter
The result:
#next season writers plz plz give us father starscream episode I’m actually begging#i will give my left kidney for an ounce of Starscream and Hashtag content#transformers#transformers earthspark#transformers hashtag#earthspark hashtag#transformers starscream#earthspark starscream#found family
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woof
(reposting with the full set; i think ark is very good about not ruining his clothes on full moons but, as they say, shit happens.)
#OC#ark#sketches#werewolf#one time i passed a kidney stone and i thought i was dying so i imagine turning into a giant dog would Hurt Really Bad
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I love the taste of fresh kidneys. Especially the gooey ones.. Especially Mitch’s :3
#eyeless jack#eyelessjack#creepypasta#slenderverse#zalgo#slender man#meow#:3#mew#silly#seedeater#kidneys..#Mitch is yum#humans r yuam#chernobog
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O-oh~! Local old man pines beyond reccomended amounts! I sure hope it won't result in something impulsive and stupid :))
#don't blame me blame the fanfic writers#i hate all yall that said take my kidney and firstborn child#serirei#fanart#my art#mp100#mob psycho 100#serizawa katsuya#reigen arataka#he's going through it your honor
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sockeye salmon
And the final guy in the new gouache fish gang is here! I mean I painted him months ago, but then, as always, I forgot to post him :'D
The in(famous) horny fish!
#salmon#sockeye salmon#fish#gouache#illustration#art#There's this one dumb thing about these guys that's been bothering me all my life#besides their unusual transformation - their latin name is “Oncorhynchus nerka”#so they're called just “nerka fish” in Polish. Thing is#nerka means kidney in Polish and I always thought that t's named after it... funnily enough thar part of the name is of Russian origin and#basically#tied to the breeding season transformation of these guys) :' D that was a really random thing to mention but fr I had no idea why they're n
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Familiar.
#submas#submas ingo#pokemon#pokemon legends ingo#pokemon legends arceus#lady sneasler#sneasler#clefairy#PLEASE SEND HIM HOME IM BEGGING U WITH ALL I GOT#ITS ALL I EVER WANTED#ILL SELL MY KIDNEY#OR EAT A SOCK
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my favorite binnie looks (264/∞)
#stray kids#changbin#seochangbinet#createskz#bystay#staysource#jypartists#malegroupsnet#seo changbin#stray kids gifs#stray kids changbin#skz#my.gifs#favoritebinnies#wondering if he could cure kidney stones. asking for a friend
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With all the talk of ships that were lost in the war of queerbaiting (destiel, merthur, johnlock) after 9-1-1 WON the war (half way, we're still getting there) I'd like to pour one out for the oft forgotten but maybe worst queerbait of them all (imo at least)
McDanno
#one of them gave the other his KIDNEY#they were married your honor#they went on dates#couples therapy#911 abc#mcdanno#destiel#merthur#johnlock#hawaii 50#spn#bbc sherlock#merlin#etc etc
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