#just max and billy being disabled and still being little shits | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hargrove-mayfields · 1 year

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It’s fibromyalgia awareness day! 🦋

Fibromyalgia is a disability characterized by lifelong, unexplained body pain and numbness, memory problems, attitude changes, depression and anxiety, stomach issues, migraines, and sensory sensitivity.

Here’s a fic about Billy Hargrove (and Steve Harrington) having that disability!

content warnings for: discussion of child abuse and abandonment, ableism and ableist slurs, vomiting, detailed and stressful descriptions of chronic pain, illness, self-deprecation, and suicidal ideation.

~~~~~

Something is off with Billy.

Atop the lifeguard tower, wearing a long sleeved sweatshirt, sunglasses, and a hat. From the outside, it looks like he’s hiding from something. Trying to blend in.

Max had accused him of as much this morning. Pointed her finger right at him and started snapping her teeth about pretending everything was normal. The kid was almost in tears while she confronted him about telling the truth. But Billy had no idea what she was talking about.

His back fucking hurts and he wanted to wear a comfortable shirt, so fucking what? He doesn’t have to justify that to her.

Now he can feel all her creepy stalker friends staring at the back of his head at work. Even sees the glint of the magnifying something or another they’re using to watch him.

He can’t give a shit about whatever those tiny assholes have gotten in their heads about him. They’re probably doing a round of their stupid role play game shit again.

Whatever. Because sitting in this hard ass chair isn’t helping his pain any. The sun is fucking hot, but he’s got chills from how bad his body hurts, a deep ache all over in all of his limbs. The migraine certainly doesn’t help, but even his glasses and his hat aren’t enough to block out the harsh light.

The summer isn’t easy on his body. Neither is winter, or any other time. He never gets a break. But the heat is especially bad on his body, and specifically, the pain in his legs and shoulders. He’s got the body and immune system of a guy in his 60s instead of one who just turned eighteen a few months ago.

Some lifelong nerve disorder he’s had since he was a kid and would spend hours curled up in momma's arms screaming for relief. Good luck with that kid. He lost the only person that ever tried to help; he should’ve been grateful he used to even be able to ask for it.

Now, the best he gets is an apathetic glance. He buys drugs off of some sketchy kid in a creeper van to manage it himself. The doctors and Neil cut him off of his prescriptions a long time ago, accusing him of just trying to get free drugs. Even still Max gives him shit for taking random pills, and he knows she’s right, but he’s just trying to comfort himself when the going gets rough.

He’ll live. Get over it, kid. Man up.

Right now he can barely breathe.

Someone could be drowning three feet in front of him and he wouldn’t even notice. All because Heather had some emergency and needed to take off and leave Hawkins for a few weeks, and he had been the one stupid enough to volunteer to pick up all her shifts until she gets back in late July.

If he lasts that long.

Right now his stomach is twisting from how bad it all hurts. It’s indescribable. If he had to try, he’d say it’s like threading fishing wire through his muscles and tying his whole body in knots, tearing through tissue in the process. Like hammering nails into his joints to keep the mangled mess all together.

He's going to be sick.

It’s not time yet but he blows the whistle anyways, because he needs a fucking breather. There’s no one else on duty with him because today is slow after yesterday's rain. Who’s gonna know?

Those scurrying little shit head stalkers will probably notice. Still not his damn problem.

Billy manages somehow to drag himself to the back room to collapse onto a bench. He tries to tell himself he won’t cry, but it’s far too late for that. This is the worst he can ever remember it being on its own. At least since the beating he took right before the move. That was probably the actual hardest time of his life.

Doesn’t change a damn thing about how bad he feels now though. As he’s just laying there, pathetically wasting his shift away, there’s a painful feeling traveling up his spine and into his ribs, stealing his breath away. He feels so damn worthless. Nobody would probably even notice if he died right now. Suffocated from the inside by his own body.

But that’s not the way this works. The pain cracks open suddenly at the highest point of his spine like a fault line, leaving behind a deep set, intense flash of pain in his back and his ribs.

That’s his last straw. His lowest point. He drags himself off of the bench and literally crawls to the showers. Hot water might help, he needs it to, because this is unbearable.

The shame of pulling himself on his hands and knees across the pool’s filthy floors is almost too much. He wants to scream for help. But nobody’s going to come for him.

Nobody will find Billy collapsed in the shower stall, wheezing like he ran a marathon just from the extraordinary effort it took him to crawl ten feet. It feels like he’s dying. The ground is cold but he’s hot, his skin flushed and sticky with sweat. If he had the energy, he’d take off his shirt, but he’s stuck. Arms tucked underneath of him, one cheek pressing into the floor and just staring at the wall because it hurts too bad to even hold his head up. He’s stuck.

It feels like some other thing is piloting his body. Right now, the pain is. It took the reins and told him to sit. Like a damn dog, trained by his own weakness. A shock collar tightened around his neck from the day he was left alone with this hurt, choking and gagging him.

It feels like he’s already dead.

An hour or so passes. He can tell because he hears a distant blow of a whistle. They probably assumed he ditched work and stuck a manager onto guard duty. He’ll get pointed for this. He could lose his job just because he’s lying miserable in a pool of his own sweat and tears and vomit. Just because he can’t take a little pain.

Try as he might, nobody ever believes him that it’s not just a little. More like a full body sensation of being torn apart from the inside. Is this what a heart attack feels like? Jesus, maybe he is dying.

That thought sends a rush of adrenaline through him. It would anybody, no matter how many times he might have prayed for exactly that to happen when he was lying in bed just the same way as he is here on the cold, wet floor.

Billy forces himself to sit up. His arms wobble like they’re too weak to hold up his weight, but he pushes up until his back is propped against the wall, and he’s not really holding himself up at all. His head fell back and knocked against the wall too, pretty hard.

The pain shoots through his neck, precise lines of fire burning in his veins, from the back of his skull down into the base of his neck. His fingers go numb. He leans over and tries to throw up again. There’s nothing left in his body. He’s dehydrated. Starved. Sick of this.

He’s still going to ride the adrenaline shot for what it’s worth. It’s the only chance he has of not spending the night on the ground in this locker room. God he wishes he had somebody to help him.

It’s past the point of denying it; Billy needs help. If only he’d realized that before right this moment.

The next step is standing. There’s not enough power in his entire body to get his knees to straighten. He’ll have to pull himself up to at least a kneeling position.

His eyes are still blurry from hitting his head though. Protected by a shower curtain in the already dimly lit locker room, there’s barely enough lighting for him to see anything at all in this tiny stall. So he’ll reach blindly for the shower seat and try to pull himself back up.

Billy grabs the spicket instead. All he feels is metal and he assumes that’s good enough. He barely knows where he is right now.

Besides, whatever it is will act as a base to help him slide his back up the wall. His legs wobble all the way up and his knees stay bent, but slowly, slowly, he’s getting himself to his feet.

And then the spicket twists. Billy loses his grip and slips back down to the ground, harder and faster this time, and hits his elbow. There’s no suppressing the shout of pain that bubbles up from his throat when there’s what feels like electricity charging through every nerve in his arm from the one contact point. He had hit his left hip off the floor too, and his leg on that side went completely dead.

When he’d twisted that handle, it turned the water on too. Freezing cold. Hitting his body like shards of glass against his already aching and sore.. everything. Even with the weak water pressure, every drop feels like an electric shock, pressing down and down until he feels like he can’t even move from how deeply the pain goes.

Billy’s sure he’s actually going to die this time. It’s time to swallow his pride.

He calls for help, “Hey! Need a hand back here!”

Nothing. Just the sound of water rushing, soaking him and making him freeze. This isn’t going to end well.

Straining his voice to be heard, so weakened by his condition as to still sound meek even at his loudest, he tries again, “Adam! Come on, I know you’re working today!”

Billy doesn’t know how long he’s spent on the ground now. Hours could have passed. The goddamned pool might have closed and he could be all alone here. He grows desperate, “Somebody, please!”

Something snaps in the primal part of Billy’s mind. He physically can’t sit up. Can’t turn the water off. Can’t survive on his own.

He needs…

“Momma! Momma come back!”

Nothing

After some time the curtain opens, but Billy is barely conscious anymore. He doesn’t look up or move or anything. Just sees a shadowy pair of shoes in front of his face. There are tears on his face already. Anguish. Pain. Disappointment in himself.

Let it be the goddamned figure of Satan, as long as this suffering might end, and for the moment, it does. Everything, the stall, the figure, the whole world turns black as he loses consciousness.

———

Suddenly blinding white light hits Billy’s eyes when he opens them again. He’s in some room with a window, and the curtains aren’t closed. That’s how he knows it isn’t home, his own bedroom window long ago sealed over with a thick blanket for keeping the light out when he’s having a migraine.

The wall paper in this place is almost as headache inducing as the entire fucking sunshine positioning itself right in his face after god knows how long he was unconscious. Blue and red plaid that is as dizzying as it is tacky.

Nothing else in the room identifies who it belongs to, the only hint of personality being a sticker covered cane in the far corner.

Did he get fucking kidnapped by an old person? Maybe, but what kind of an old person uses Garfield puffy stickers on their mobility aids?

That question is answered when, after some trudging through the fog in his brain for any hint of who’s house he could be in, Steve Harrington opens the door to the room he’s in.

Like it’s totally casual to just bring somebody home from their work, no matter how fucked up they were, Steve just walks in and talks to him like it’s nothing, “Hey. I heard you up. You doing good in here?”

Billy stares in disbelief for a moment, squinting against the overbearing sunlight to see Steve, the action making his skepticism doubly apparent, to make up for the work his tired and crackly voice isn’t doing, “So you’re the one. Mother fucking knight in shining armor..”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I went to give Dustin a ride and he told me there was something off with you. I went to check and found you on the ground.” Steve explains it all, pacing around slowly. At least he shuts the curtains on the way before sitting on the other side of the bed Billy’s laying in. A fucking queen size, since he’s some rich messiah apparently. “Matter of fact, you still look pretty rough..”

Billy doesn’t like feeling his sympathy, something like humiliation burning in his face, second to the pain, “Just get back to your bullshit little family, Harrington.”

Steve protests the idea, arguing automatically, “It’s not complete without you.”

A beat passes. For a moment, Billy doesn’t know what to say. He knows what Steve means, because he’s Max’s brother and whatnot, but that sentence has him feeling some kind of sentimental.

His instinct is to become defensive, so he tries it, since every other aspect of this situation is completely out of his comfort zone, “Well, get used to it. Probably won’t be around much longer.”

He’s referring to the fact that he feels like death constantly, a looming feeling of failure in his body. Any moment he could lose his battle against this invisible thing he doesn’t understand.

Poor Steve doesn’t get it. “Oh. Are you moving away already?”

How optimistic, to think only a month of work after graduation would be enough for Billy to make it on his own. He’d think it was because Steve was sheltered, if he didn’t know the guy was working his ass off at the ice cream parlor almost every day of the week.

It almost makes him feel guilty, that he can’t be as hopeful as Steve is, “I’m giving up.”

“Billy..” The concern is so raw in Steve’s voice, it breaks something inside of Billy. His intense resilience could carry him through when he was by himself, but he isn’t this time. He wants to be, so he tells him that, “No. I said, go away, Steve..”

It’s at that moment that he breaks down crying. Not even lying on the hard cement floor at the pool did he feel this pathetic and broken. Painful sobs in his throat and his chest ripple through him in larger waves of stinging jabs. Like the very act of crying is a punishment.

“Billy. Hey. I’m not going anywhere.” Steve soothes, moving closer but keeping his hands off of Billy. Afraid to touch what is broken, Billy deduces. Though Steve at least seems genuinely interested and not just being creepily invasive, since he gently requests, “Tell me what’s up..”

In frustration, Billy exclaims simply, “It hurts!”

“What hurts? Do you need a doctor?” Steve looks him over now quickly, frantically, like a worried parent. That just makes Billy’s feelings hurt worse.

The question also makes him irrationally nervous, spiraling once he realizes that a trip to the doctors would mean Neil would find out this happened. That meant more pain, and right now, Billy can’t handle that. He rushes to insist, “No! They won’t do anything..”

Steve looks so sympathetic, asking all the right questions to make Billy feel heard, “How long’s it been hurting?”

“My whole fucking life. If you can even call it a life. It’s not worth living.” Billy sobs apathetically, earning a sad, slightly panicked even, look from Steve.

His caring nature prompts him to plead, “Don’t say that.”

Billy is so unused to having anybody that cares, he feels like he has to defend his self-deprecating remarks, “But I feel dead. I can’t sleep, but I can’t stay awake. I can’t keep down what I eat, and half the time it makes me fucking sick. I just hurt all over, and it makes it worse when-“

He stops himself abruptly. Harrington is sweet and all for doing this, but Billy barely knows him. Not as much as he wants to. There are some secrets that don’t just get blabbed to close strangers. Even ones he has a crush on.

Steve isn’t content with that, never is without the full picture. Or maybe Billy doesn’t mind sharing as much as he pretends to. Maybe it’s nice to feel listened to for the first time in forever.

“When what, Billy?”

“When my dad hits me.”

Short and to the point. Having a fucked up body means it’s agony going through what he knows no kid should have to. He’s never told anybody that before, especially not so bluntly.

Once or twice Billy has tried to imply he needed a hand back when he still believed other humans had the capacity to give a shit. Steve Harrington and his kind and wise brown eyes is the first goddamn sign he’s had since then that there’s a chance someone might still care.

So when Steve tries to apologize, saying, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“ Billy is quick to interrupt.

He tries to sound more gentle than his previous, snappier responses had come out, “It’s fine.”

Stubborn apathy crashes into the force of determined empathy. A battle Billy doesn’t mind losing.

Not when Steve so passionately argues, “No it’s not! You need help, you can’t do this all on your own!”

And finally, going against what last bit of his aching soul wants him to believe in, Billy lets him in.

Instead of arguing, or asking in bad faith, he genuinely wants to know, “How do you know what this is like?”

“Have you ever heard of fibromyalgia?” Steve prompts, his eyes lighting up as bright as the morning sun when he recognizes that Billy isn’t pushing him away anymore, but inviting him in on his own terms.

It doesn’t help that he literally hasn’t heard of that though, shrugging to show his ignorance. The action of raising his shoulders up hurts though, and it dies out halfway, along with a pained grunt. To make sure Steve got his message, Billy answers verbally instead, since his skeleton is fighting so hard against his broody body-language thing, “Fuck no.”

“I could tell you about it, but just by hearing what you went through, I think I know what you’re going through. I got diagnosed just a few years ago.” Steve explains carefully, watching Billy like he’s about to say the wrong thing at any second.

Billy just stays quiet while he processes everything Steve is saying, but he realizes what exactly Steve was worried about saying once he continues, “Yeah, sometimes I have flare-ups and I can be right where you are. But, you know, I don’t have anyone at home actively trying to make it worse.”

That’s hard to hear. He’s right, and Billy doesn’t want him to be. Without the energy to get mad or lash out about it, Billy asks more questions.

“Flare-ups of what?”

“Fibromyalgia. Like I said. It’s a pain disorder. Makes you feel gross and sleepy and in pain all the time.” Steve puts it into words exactly like Billy has tried to for years, only they know the context between one another.

The sleepless nights writhing in agony, the loss of self, the torture from the inside out, it all goes without saying between the two of them. In Steve’s presence, Billy has a place where he’s understood instead of examined under microscopes and treated like a monster.

This drab bedroom suddenly feels like the only place he wants to be, saying with an almost awe-stricken quality to his voice, “So you really do get it, huh.”

“Mhm. Except I have it easier. I’ve got a Jewish Ima who loves me and lets me take breaks when I’m hurting instead of.. well.. the stuff your dad does.” So Steve isn’t letting that go.

Shockingly to even himself, Billy isn’t all that mad about it. Telling someone his deepest, darkest secret and having them actually listen, for the sake of helping rather than keeping dirt on him, that’s something Billy has never had before.

Now he just wants to know, “How do you fix it?”

Steve breaks the news softly, but in a huge way, “You don’t, B. It’s a disability.”

“I’m not-“ Billy tries to argue with that right away, associating that word with all the horrible things his dad had called him over the years. Fuck up. Cripple. Waste of space.

Something compels him about Steve’s brutally honest interruption of an explanation though, “I didn’t think I was disabled either until I slipped on my ass down the stairs and couldn’t walk for a month, long after the bruises, because I was in so much pain. That’s not normal for just any abled nineteen year old, and neither is what you went through last night.”

Even still, Billy’s impulse to argue is triggered, “So I just have to accept that I’m fucked up for life. But I don’t understand what I fucking did wrong?”

Steve doesn’t even hesitate for a moment before he’s assuring him, “Nothing. You didn’t do anything. It’s just a part of who you are.”

A failure. A fuck-up. All those rotten things come back in his head again, and Billy worries, for a moment, that Steve is turning on him. Mocking him.

“Yeah, damaged goods?” Billy scoffs, bitter and hurt, emotionally instead of physically for once.

Steve proves him wrong, for the thousandth time, and heals his heart just a little bit more, “Would you say that about me?”

“The opposite really.”

“But what does that mean?”

Well, Billy meant it in two ways. For one thing, Steve isn’t like him. Steve is kind, and loved, and all around doing better in life than him, relationships wise and career wise. It doesn’t feel right to compare all of his wrongs to all of Steve’s rights.

Though, because of how vulnerable he’s been already, it’s easier for Billy to say, “It means everything about you is fucking perfect. You got a good mom, a huge mansion, and probably the best fucking doctors out there.. Sure, maybe I gotta accept that I’m busted, but why can’t I be busted like you?”

“Why do you want to be?” Steve sounds like a therapist, and a damn good one too. He stays all soft and sweet and god it makes Billy frustrated.

He bursts out, talking with his hands without realizing that he’s been distracted long enough to recover enough energy to do so, “Because it’s easier for you!”

The final nail in the coffin. There’s nothing left Billy can say to pretend this isn’t what it is.

He’s jealous of Steve, he idolizes him, fucking loves everything about the guy. No matter what he argues he can’t hide how stupidly fond of the other boy he is, and has been. Even if the thoughts aren’t the sweetest, he’s got Steve on his mind, all the time and especially now that he’s being interrogated in his bed.

Crucify him, but Billy fucking Hargrove has a crush on Steve fucking Harrington’s

Steve isn’t afraid of that for even a second. “So let me help you, B. I don’t want to compete. I want to take care of you.”

While Steve isn’t afraid, Billy is. He’s terrified. Nobody has ever treated him like Steve, and his heart is getting too attached.

Hoping to get an answer that will either make the heart break easier or avoid it entirely, Billy asks him, “You’re not sweet-talking me, are you?”

Steve shakes his head patiently, “Nope, but I don’t know how to prove it to you. Can you tell me what you want me to say?”

“Fuckin’- Maybe.. some tips?” Billy tries. This isn’t natural or easy for him, asking for help. It took him this goddamn long to even accept that Steve was genuine, despite waking up in his bed more than an hour ago now. His trust has been established, but now he’s unsure what to do with it. So he keeps asking the questions nobody else has ever been able to answer for him, half to test Steve, and half just because he truly trusts Steve to answer, “How do I make it hurt less?”

“Self care. But-“ Steve starts, about to hand Billy the hard truth.

To avoid blaming Steve for it, Billy just decides to admit that reality out loud, “I know, I know. Going back home where my dad beats me doesn’t count as self-care. I know.”

Thankfully Steve moves on to giving more advice that doesn’t involve the tragic circumstances of Billy’s life, “Heating pads help.”

It sounds nice, but Billy has to admit, “I don’t have a-“

“I do.” Steve interrupts before Billy can finish, with all the eagerness and expectation of a new puppy waiting for a treat.

It’s charming and sweet, how much Steve wants to take care of him. Billy doesn’t want to outright accept or deny anything yet, the decision feeling too large when his head is still hurting and his thoughts are all jumbley and messy.

He’ll settle for giving Steve a fond smile, to make his words match the positive feelings in his heart, “You really want me to accept your help, don't you?”

“Uh, fucking yes.” Steve laughs, like it’s really nothing stressful for him. Like he’s happy that Billy might stay.

It’s not as easy for Billy to get to that stage of comfort, so he wonders, “And if I do say yes?”

“I’ll drive you home today to help Max pack you a bag, and you’ll move in with me. Hopper will deal with your dad while my Ima and I help you manage your pain and get you a new doctor. And make you good food.”

That sounds like a fucking dream. The fact that Steve came up with it so quickly somehow even dreamier, “You’ve thought about that before, haven’t you?”

“I like you a lot, Billy.” Steve confesses.

It’s almost too good to be true. As a matter of fact..

“In what way?” Billy asks skeptically, after everything, the fight, the showing his true colors, he can’t believe that Steve would have those kinds of feelings for him.

But, for the thousandth time, Steve proves Billy’s unintentionally cynical assumptions wrong, when he details, “In the way that I like you. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like, butterflies in my chest and I can’t stop thinking about you, and when I see you hurting I just want to hold you and make it all better.”

Billy can tell he’s blushing and his eyes are wide, “Really?”

Steve sounds breathless, like he can’t believe he just confessed all of that. Still, he doesn’t deny it, though he clearly begins to worry how Billy feels, “Yeah. I’m sorry if that’s-“

“You’re the first.” Billy says abruptly, before Steve can take back his love. Though the sudden declaration seems to confuse Steve, according to the furrow of his brow, so Billy explains his thought process, “You’re the first person to care about me like that.. But you deserve better than a broken-“

“Hush. You’re not broken. You need a little TLC is all.” Steve says it all so confidently, and since he’s been right about everything else, Billy finally feels ready to believe him.

He just has one more question, “And you’re seriously saying you’re gonna be the one who does it?”

“Yes! Please, Billy. Let me.” Steve begs for the right to love Billy. And that, that dedication and longing- that convinces Billy.

The time for words is past, instead letting their body language do the talking. At first, Steve is just holding Billy’s hand, but Billy gets closer and closer, until they’re arms are pressed right against one another.

Billy is pretty sure he across Steve first, connecting his lips with his, kissing him softly, but with all the passion he’d saved up for the months he’d loved Steve in secret.

Yesterday is still affecting Billy, stealing his breath away and making it so he needs a break. He taps Steve’s cheek and they part, but only enough to get their bearings back. Steve patiently waits until Billy is ready again, smiling as Billy leans in and they kiss once more.

It’s nothing too intense. After all the emotions of today, they aren’t ready for that. Right now is for gentle affection, and love, and all the tender moments that Billy’s suffering had robbed them of.

Steve adds at some point, after they’ve been cozying up for a while, “By the way, the kids are going to apologize to you.”

“Nah, they didn’t do anything wrong.” Billy shrugs, not really bothered by their stalking, even if it was a little weird.

Steve makes a guilty face and Billy can tell he doesn’t have the full story before Steve even explains it, “They almost did. Their solution before they called me was going to be to put you in the sauna. Burn the sick out.”

Oh. Now he’s a little more than fucking bothered. Those little assholes are gonna get somebody killed someday.

“Holy shit, never my fucking mind. I expect a damn cake and a handwritten, formal apology.”

“Right?” Steve rolls his eyes at the thought of them, and Billy does too. Already on the same page, Steve thinking exactly what Billy is, he says it, punctuated by a kiss on the cheek, “Later, you’ll have it. Right now you need some sleep more than any of that.”

“I’m not gonna say no, but…” Billy shuffled into a comfortable lying position, and pats the pillow next to his head, wiggling around to make room for Steve to lay by his side, “Care to join me?”

Steve laughs, a bright bubbly sound, and copies him by laying down and getting comfortable, “For sleep, yes. I need a goddamn nap.”

Billy ends that morning with an arm around his middle, a puff of hair in his face, and a full feeling in his heart. Billy is finally safe. Finally at ease. He mumbles, barely awake as that comfortable feeling sets it, “Thanks, Stevie. Love you.”

“Don’t worry about it. And I love you too.” Is Steve’s easy response, without needing to prepare it or anything.

Everything is just fine with Billy.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #billy x steve #disabled billy hargrove #disabled steve harrington #my writing #ej writer #tw abuse #tw ableism #tw suicidal ideation #i have fibro and like. as poignant and heartbreaking as so many comparisons to being flayed are #the one I resonate most with is chronic illness #so this fic is basically what would happen if billy wasn’t actually flayed he just seemed like it #and also if Steve wasn’t trapped underground and could have helped billy #because they’re romantic soulmates and you can’t tell me otherwise #/lh

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suspiciouslackofclowns · 1 year

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Big fan of Billy being super strong. Like, stronger than he looks, and he looks strong.

Headcanons and au’s where he’s disabled in some aspect after s3 are so near and dear to my heart, but I also take guilty pleasure in making him an unstoppable force sometimes. Just. Billy being built like a fucking bear, but also having learned to embrace his softer side again through his partner, because he is soft somewhere in there. Always has been.

Not to say that he doesn’t still get angry.

Maybe a few years later after he graduates and is settled into an apartment with Steve (or Eddie, Jonathan, Argyle, etc.), he has more of a rapport with the party. He’s not necessarily ruffling Dustin’s hair or giving Will the gay talk, but he’s around them and they don’t mind each other. He has playful banter with Max and maybe he even finds himself shooting hoops with Lucas every now and again.

He’s friendly with these kids, long story short. So when something happens like Troy Walsh and James follow Dustin on his way over to meet up at the apartment for D&D, because Steve and Billy let the party host there sometimes, Billy gets rightfully pissed.

Catches the kids out on his lawn, Dustin pinned on his back as Troy hovers over him and all of the other kids are screaming. He yells, sharp and quick and stomps over, just in time to startle Troy back before he’s able to land even a single punch. Steve is in the background trying to help Dustin to his feet and check for any injuries while Billy just fucking glares at this kid.

“Get lost,” Billy says.

Squares his shoulders and stands his ground, firmly placed between Troy and Dustin.

The kid looks scared. He swallows, takes a careful step back after he seems to assess that Billy is less of an angry parent and more of an impatient (and reckless) older brother. But then he smirks and reaches over to smack James’ arm.

“Sorry,” he muses. “Didn’t realize the fag brigade were official nerd protectors.”

Somewhere behind Billy, Steve drops Dustin as he’s attempting to help him to his feet, quickly scrambling to grab his hand again and hoist him up. Because he knows something that even Billy himself apparently doesn’t.

The blond is nice now. Downright pleasant to be around, even. He’s worked like hell to get here and he prides himself on being reformed. On being better than he used to be.

Something in his brain switches off. Steve sets a hand on his shoulder and Billy shrugs it off, taking a large stride forward and snatching the collar of Troy’s shirt. He doesn’t really think as he does it. Yanks him forward and grabs his thigh, and hoists him up into the air, kicking and screaming to no avail.

Like this kid weighs nothing at all.

James has retreated to the curb, yelling to put him down, put him down!

But Billy doesn’t budge. He merely bends his elbows and lowers Troy just enough to get their faces close.

In this blinding, white hot rage as brilliant as the glare off of a windshield in summer, Billy can’t even get the words out. Clenches his jaw. Unclenches. Fights the urge to throw this kid straight into the fucking sun.

Then he hears Steve behind him again, ushering the kids back and towards the house.

As silly as it is, that’s what breaks him. Hearing Steve’s voice, the man he loves, simply talking. Being naturally good as Steve always has been without trying — he can put on a show of playing the supreme bitch, but it falls flat somewhere in the delivery. Always.

Because he’s sweet and kind and he cares so much and he doesn’t deserve to be called that word. That horrible, horrible word that Billy has come to hate.

But he’s never hated it like he does right now. Not when it was hurled at him in school, or at home by his own flesh and blood.

But when it was casually directed at Steve. His Steve.

That lets the words flow easy.

“Don’t come around here again,” he hisses. “Don’t talk to or so much as even look at these kids or I’ll find out about it and I will hunt you down, you little shit.” Billy’s knuckles are white and his arms are shaking, but he doesn’t relax his grip for even a second. Troy whimpers, tears streaming down his face. “Am I clear?”

“Yes sir,” Troy manages between sniffles.

Billy finally lowers him back to the earth. The kid’s legs wobble when his shoes meet the ground, and the blond is half convinced that he only stays standing because Billy keeps his fist tangled in the front of his shirt. Stares at him with stern eyes for a moment longer before he shoves him towards his friend, still standing at the curb, and sends him tumbling down on the grass.

“Get the fuck off my lawn.”

The two boys scramble to their bikes and take off down the street without their asses so much as touching their seats.

A moment of silence persists after that. Billy pushes both hands into his hair and sighs, long and frustrated, and just… stands there. The kids are all still checking on Dustin, but Steve carefully approaches his partner from behind.

He knows that Billy gets skittish sometimes when he’s angry. That he sometimes doesn’t appreciate being touched. So he carefully sets a hand on his shoulder and squeezes when he doesn’t shrug him off.

“Bill?” Steve tries. “You okay?”

Of course Steve would ask him if he’s okay. Billy says nothing for half of a beat, and when Steve gently turns him around, he’s met with two huge eyes filled to the brim with with water. Billy blinks and it all comes crashing down in under a second.

He can feel his eyes already burning. Can feel the sobs begin to stir in his chest where he tries to keep them buried unsuccessfully.

Steve just guides him forward and wraps his arms around him protectively. Cradles him close with a one hand cupped over the back of his head and the other rubbing circles into his back.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay,” Steve croons. “You’re alright.”

Billy’s breath stutters as he slumps into Steve, thankful that the brunet is able to take his weight. He doesn’t feel like standing himself right now but he really doesn’t feel like trying to clean grass blood out of his jeans.

He isn’t sure how long they stand there, but he moans feebly when his eyes run dry. Let’s Steve push him back enough to cup his face in his hands.

Billy knows he must look ridiculous. His face always blotches his horrible red and his eyes get puffy when he cries, but Steve still smiles at him nonetheless. Brushes his thumbs over his cheekbones and admires him closely.

“I’m sorry,” Billy says hoarsely. Bites his lip to keep it from quivering. “I didn’t mean to get mad.”

“No one means to get mad, it’s just something that happens sometimes.” Steve presses their foreheads together and breathes in deep, guiding Billy’s breaths. “You can’t expect to not get mad ever, okay? The most you can do is learn how to control your reactions when you do.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, baby, we’ll work on it. For now, let’s just focus on making you feel better.”

A kiss gets pressed to his nose and Billy nods. Sniffles when Steve leans away and takes hold of his hand so he can guide him up the walkway to their porch.

Inside, the kids settle around the coffee table, still shaken up but calming down once they tap into the pantry for snacks. Steve sits Billy down on the couch and treats him like a damn princess, bringing him food and swaddling him in blankets and kissing his face until he’s sufficiently simmered down. Until his eyelids are heavy and he’s slouching into the sofa cushions.

Crying always takes it out of him. Steve seems to delight at his sleepy posture, plopping down on the couch next to him and setting his chin on his shoulder.

The kids have started working to set up their game. Dustin throws on a tape with strange medieval music that Billy would normally tease him for, but right now he can’t bring himself to care about anything other than the warm body pressing against his side.

“How’re you feeling, my boy?” Steve whispers.

Smooths a hand over the top of Billy’s blanket right over his chest and earns a little smile.

“Better.”

“Good, I really hate it when you cry. Makes me wanna fight god.” The two of them share a chuckle and Steve brushes his lips against the corner of Billy’s jaw. “I do like seeing you use your muscles, though.”

For emphasis, he finds Billy’s bicep under the blanket and squeezes it. The blond’s smile fades momentarily.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Dude, you bench pressed a whole teenager. That was the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Steve lilts, leaning closer into his side. “And I’ve seen some pretty cool shit.”

Billy snorts. Can’t help that he’s grinning from ear to ear when Steve starts kissing him again.

“You’re crazy.”

“If by crazy you mean super smart and handsome, then yeah, consider me batshit.”

“Dork,” Billy teases. Stretches an arm around Steve’s shoulders and envelops him in the warmth of the blanket. “I bet Walsh is gonna be scared of heights now, though.”

Steve snickers.

“And fags.”

They both start giggling hysterically, only stopping when Steve sees fit to turn Billy’s face towards him and mash their lips together.

So, Billy might not be as mellowed out as he previously thought, but he’s working on it.

They’re working on it. Together.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #tw homophobia #hugely inspired by an interaction I saw between my dad (rip king) and my 18y/o brother #where my brother was like bucking up to him trying to start a fight and my dad just picked his ass up #and pressed him flush against the ceiling #so yeah #def some of the scariest shit I’ve ever seen #and it’s not even the craziest thing I’ve ever seen him pick up so #anyway #Billy not being good at regulating his emotions? yes absolutely #him having crazy bursts of strength when he’s angry? yes absolutely #my writing #rambles #ficlet #unedited

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biillyhargroves · 2 years

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i just think that a post-starcourt disabled billy would very much hate anyone treating him differently than they did before. like, people start walking on eggshells around him, hovering like he’s made of glass, scared of doing or saying the wrong thing, and it makes him feel awful because he’s still himself. he’s still billy. he wants things to go back to the way they were, even if they weren’t great then, because at least people would be normal around him.

and then there’s max, who throws shit at him like, “hey fuckface, here’s a water bottle, stay hydrated you asshole.”

because, sure, she’s going to be the one to learn how to do everything she can to make his life a little easier. she’s the one pushing his wheelchair when he doesn’t have the strength to do it himself. she’s the one learning how all the medical equipment works, because no matter how many times the nurses showed neil, the bastard never paid much attention and always did something wrong. she’s the one who knows exactly which dose of which medication he needs and who hides packs of cigarettes because, “you can’t have that with a goddamn oxygen tank, you shithead.” she’s the one who knows all his tells — when he’s tired, when he’s in pain, when he needs something and exactly what it is. but she’s still his sister. and he’s still her brother. and she’s always going to act like it.

and, honestly, her being a shit to him around other people? sure, it’ll throw them off guard at first, but it never fails to break the ice. “what?” she’ll ask when her friends look at her like she’s crazy after she’s cursed at billy and thrown something (small and harmless) at his head. “he’s still a piece of shit.” but, like, affectionate. billy knows it’s affectionate. mutters, “damn right.” as he attempts to light a cigarette, only to have max slap it out of his hands and glare at him. sisterly love at its finest.

#listen i have written headcanons and meta on this before i know that #but the idea lives rent free in my head #and i also have a lot of disabled billy content burning a hole in my pocket #since tallying up all his major s3 injuries #i’m Feeling Lots Of Things #billy hargrove #max mayfield #these are my children and i love them

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smolbluebirb · 8 months

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thinking thoughts about Billy and Max's relationship - specifically that Max needs as much of a sibling character growth arc as Billy does.

I've seen lots of fics examine the siblings' relationship and have Max's view on Billy suddenly shift once she finds out about Neil's abuse. Max develop a sudden well of empathy and understanding for Billy once she learns that his dad beats him. and honestly I enjoy that characterization and it's very much my cup of tea - but it's not what I expect from their canon portayals. I don't think Max would see the abuse in the same light as we do.

I've heard that Runaway Max makes it canon that Max knows - has literally watched - Neil beat Billy. and gone on the next day still hating him, and maybe even believing that Billy deserves it. that, horrifying as it is, seems a lot more realistic to me.

bear with me here: a story about me and my younger sibling to give perspective into my point about Billy and Max.

I've got a little brother. our family has lots of problems, but our relationship was never great as kids just cuz I didn't want anything to do with him. both of our parents are youngest siblings and I've been getting sat down for talks since I was a toddler about how he deserved a nice older sibling, and I ought to share all my toys with him and play with him whenever he wanted and be his best friend because that's all they ever wanted from their older siblings. and I resented that. I hated the unfairness of me being expected to cater to him because I was arbitrarily older.

so I wasn't particularly cruel, but I was certainly rude, and I did everything I could to make it clear that I didn't want anything to do with him. and he would go straight to our mom and say I was being mean - and I would get beaten, or lose meal privileges for a few days, or have everything taken out of my room and locked in there for a day or two.

I was in some kind of trouble all the way into middle school, and it made me really, really angry because I had never asked for a sibling. I wasn't mean, I didn't mess with his stuff, I didn't have problems with anyone else outside of the house. but because I was the older sibling, he got to hold all the cards and I could be nursing bruised ribs for weeks because he felt like telling our parents I refused to play lightsabers with him.

but as I headed into highschool he got a gang of friends and was happy to spend his time off with them, so he left me alone for the most part. I still wanted nothing to do with him but it was finally mutual, and I mostly got a break.

here is where it ties into Billy and Max.

when he was twelve, we started going to this little hick cowboy church. I had always been a people person and super popular with adults and peers alike, but I was also super into literature at that stage of life and developing some nasty mobility disabilities, and I started being bullied very badly by the people there for wanting to hang inside and read instead of playing football, volleyball, etc. outside with them. they were VERY hick, man. demonize higher education, a man is out in the field, a woman is in the kitchen, hick.

and that became a very, very regular occurrence.

and one day at home, he waltzed into my room and started telling me at length how I was worthless and no one liked me or wanted me around and I should do everyone a favor and just disappear.

people love my brother, man. they did then, they do now. he works full time with kids, mentoring them and shit. he's good at it. he's not necessarily nice, he's always had a caustic brand of humor, but it's the kind people find hilarious. hell I find it hilarious. it's a lot like Max's in the show.

and you know what? when our mom dragged us to a dinner together years later, as adults, and whined about why we weren't close, I brought up the period in our lives where I was extremely suicidal (I attempted multiple times around then and they are well aware) and all the remarks he'd make. I pointed out that he'd never given me any form of apology, nor had he ever made an effort to build a relationship with me, so I saw no reason to reach out to him.

and he looked me dead in the eye and said he wasn't sorry, and it was my fault if I'd been that bothered by what he said.

that kid was raised from infancy being told that he had every right to demand my time and attention and walk past my boundaries. that kid heard from his friends that it sucked he was stuck with a loser for an older sibling. that kid saw every beating I took and every suicide attempt I made and all the health complications I have from childhood malnutrition and mistreatment as my own fault for not being a better older sibling - because that's what everyone fucking told him his whole life.

so. Max Mayfield.

I wanted to share all this with ye peeps of Tumblr because it seems like a lot of people have genuinely never come across a situation like I grew up in. that it isn't a perspective that's easy for other people to slide into.

most of what we know about Billy comes from Max's perspective of Billy. and where does Max's perspective of Billy come from?

consider every time she hears Neil tell him to be responsible. that he's wasting his life going to parties. that his music is trash. to be a real man. to show some respect.

we know that there's nothing wrong with metal music and teenagers party and that Neil's version of respect and responsibility is toxic as hell - but Max doesn't necessarily. Max knows that her new older brother is rude and always getting in trouble. Max knows that her parents say he should be nice to her and spend time with her and give her things and he doesn't.

we learned about Billy's abuse and saw him in a new light because we know there is nothing that warrants a minor being beaten. and we know the psychological impact being raised like that can have. and we can imagine how Billy could be if he was given a safe, healthy environment instead of the horror of a homelife he has in the show.

but as a kid in that household in the 1980s, Max doesn't. Max hears from her dad that Billy deserves it and sees from her mom that it's fine and hears from her friends that Billy is the worst.

and I just don't see Max realizing that it's horrible that Neil beats Billy. I see her doing things that'll get him in trouble anyway and thinking that he's an asshole so he probably deserves it.

and after the nailbat to the nuts, I think Billy backing off and their relationship stabilizing has less to do with him being scared of Max and more to do with her finally being willing to keep up her end of the status quo of completely ignoring each other, now that she has friends to fill her time with.

and most importantly - I don't think this makes Max an awful person. I think she's a product of her environment and I think she's a kid so she has very little control over that environment.

I think we, the fandom, like to go with the easy answer that of course Max's view of Billy will change once she learns of Neil's abuse because we don't want to think of Max as being the little sibling who will tell you to kill yourself and stand by it years later. she can say "sometimes I wished he was dead" and that's okay because she regrets it now, but I'm suggesting that if Billy hadn't died, Max wouldn't have regretted it.

and I think Max both needs and deserves a character arc of recognizing that her parents were wrong and their treatment of Billy wasn't okay and that she was wrong and her treatment of Billy wasn't okay, either.

I'm not blaming Max. I don't blame my little brother. when you're a kid and you have fucked up parents, you end up where you end up. but then, you have the chance and the responsibility to learn better and do better. and we explore that with Billy all the time, but to get Max from Point A to Point B, she has to go through all that too.

Billy hurt Max, but Max hurt Billy too. they were both kids. they both have to learn better.

#billy hargrove #max mayfield #stranger things #billy & max #haha thx for coming to me ted talk 😅

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dalekofchaos · 2 years

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Duffer Bros glorifying the abuser/bully is disgusting

I’ve noticed a disturbing troupe about the show that just disgusts me. The Duffer Bros constantly goes out of their way to try and make the abuser sympathetic.

Lonnie. Let’s start with Lonnie. As we know, Lonnie is abusive towards Joyce, WIll and Jonathan. The actor himself went out of his way to make Lonnie a vile scumbag. Now why am I listing him as a sympathetic person? Because before they decided to make Steve Harrington the best character of the series, Steve was supposed to fill the role of human villain. He was supposed to win the fight and beat Jonathan up and apparently SA Nancy(gross???) than originally it was supposed to be Lonnie who was gonna save Jonathan and Nancy from the Demogorgon. Thank fuck Joe Keery put a stop to that bullshit. Oh and I better not fucking see them try to make Lonnie sympathetic in season 5.

Troy. Troy was the asshole who bullied and harassed the party. Called Will homophobic slurs. And went as far as forcing Mike to jump off a cliff while holding Dustin with a knife. We never see him again, so why list him? They made a comic attempting to make us feel sorry for the little asshole. No fuck you, I don’t care if he was the school’s whipping boy for El making him pee himself. I don’t give a shit that his friend turned on him and I don’t care about his parents have had enough of him. Fuck him, as far as I’m concerned he got what he deserved.

Brenner. The guy who is responsible for everything. Experimenting on children. Marking them as numbers, taking them away from their parents. Forcing them all to call him “papa” even forcing them to fight each other. For all I know Brener planned to continue to experiment on the children if he ever got his hands on Will Byers. And El FINALLY calls him for all his bullshit, he still continues to be an abusive bastard. And what happens. Sullivan shows up, he leaves with El and we get a forced goodbye asking El to understand what he did was for her own good. I literally screamed “AARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME” when I watched that scene.

002. Fuck this guy. No, I don’t feel sorry that Henry killed him. He was a teenager bullying and attempting to kill a child because she humiliated him. Fuck him and he deserved to die.

Billy. Abusive step-brother, tries to run over the party, racist, and tried to kill Lucas and Steve. So what do they do one season later? WOOBIFY HIM AND TRY TO MAKE US SYMPATHISE WITH HIM. I am glad he’s fucking dead. Fuck him. He was supposed to be the Henry Bowers of the show, the human villain and the most vile characters introduced. And instead on continuing that by making Billy a willing participant with the Mind Flayer(or really Vecna) they have Billy flayed and try to woobify him and act like the shit he did one season ago never fucking happened. He did the bare minimum by saving El. Max’s sadness, while understandable, wasn’t earned. They had no meaningful relationship, all we got from season 2 is abuse, mutual hatred and the ending was a sign he was gonna leave her alone. There is no scene of them together to show they remotely started fresh or any sign that Max forgave him. It felt forced and unearned. It’s like if Stephen King tried to pull a complete 180 and tried to woobify Henry Bowers and sacrifice himself to stop Pennywise. Yeah, that would’ve been fucking stupid if that happened.

Angela. Oh my god, fuck this bitch. She has been making El’s life in California a living hell. All the girl wanted was a friend. Oh and this fucking bitch had the nerve to use Helen Keller as a presentation for what she did for disabled people when she acted cruelly towards El for being different. Oh and they have the nerve to present Angela as sad and sympathetic when she gets what she fucking deserves. I’m supposed to feel sorry for this bitch? They wanted El to feel like shit...FOR WHAT? They didn’t even use the EVIDENCE that El was provoked. It was right on fucking camera and they didn’t even do it. And to top it off, Joyce couldn’t even pick up that El was being bullied at all. She knows Will has been bullied, yet Joyce couldn’t pick up on it or at the least tell that El was sad. Parent of the year.

Hopper. Long version, see post here. Everything Jim has done in the series is forgotten and swept under the rug. Selling El and the party to Brenner? Never brought up again, even when Brenner was alive in season 4. Treating El like a prisoner and threatening to send her back to Hawkins Lab? Never brought up again. Threating Mike so bad that he stays away from El in two episodes and he never tells El nor does Hopper ever fucking apologize? IT’S NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN. Everything sketchy Hopper does is never brought up again. Hopper has been glorified by the Duffers and the fandom and it really disgusts me that El took Hopper’s name.

The Duffer Bros has this really disgusting troupe by making the most vile abusers and bullies sympathetic/woobifying them and it really disgusts me that they still keep fucking doing this. The only credit I will give them is they didn’t try this shit with Jason. Mason did everything to make Jason as hateable as fucking Joffrey. I haven’t hated a character like this since Joffrey, that’s how good Mason was.

Jason does the following

Riled up an entire town against a minor and said town was like yeah, sure, fuck the police, we’ll just hunt him ourselves

Beat up Gareth and stepped on his fingers, threatening to break his fingers knowing he was a drummer

Saw his friend Patrick die under very weird supernatural circumstances and still thought Eddie had something to do with it

Took his friends to buy guns and weapons to hunt Eddie

Aggressively tried to intimidate Nancy into telling him where mike and Mike’s friends were

Brutally beat up Lucas Sinclair, a highschool freshman, and almost killed him by shooting at him

Had his friend assault Lucas’ sister, a middle school girl

Yet never once do they try to give Jason any sort of nuance or made us sympathize with him. “If Chrissy was in trouble, she would’ve came to me” Self-Centered much? If you couldn’t tell Chrissy was going through some problems, that should tell you everything you need to know.

Also as awful as Billy was, he never hid behind an excuse of “We’re doing the right thing” in order to indulge his psychopathic urges. Jason used the fact that he knew he was well-off enough to not get in serious trouble for it as an excuse to hunt down someone with the full intent of murdering them brutally.

Point is, aside from Jason. the Duffer Bros have this weird feitish of trying to make the abusers of the series sympathetic and it’s really gross.

#Stranger Things #Anti Duffers #Anti Jim Hopper #Anti Billy Hargrove #Anti Hopper #Martin Brenner #Lonnie Byers #Troy Walsh #Angela Stranger Things

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nightcoremoon · 3 years

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it's evident people haven't watched enough kids media to adequately understand just what constitutes a kids show as opposed to a show that kids can watch and be entertained by

when I was a kid I watched king of the hill and blues clues (among other things). king of the hill is NOT a kids show by any stretch of the imagination; it is an adult animation, replete with fairly heavy subject matter, sexual themes, political humor, cultural references that kids won't understand, discussion of religion in the modern day, depression and suicidal thoughts, adultery, puberty and sexual awakenings, body image, propane, propane accessories, and ultimately above all else what it means to be family. and blues clues is a show about a man who plays with a shovel & pail, talks to his condiments and mailbox, and sometimes he teleports into the felt dimension, all while playing Sherlock Holmes hercule poirot with his dog, and teaching kids how to count and draw and recognize colors and learn their ABCs. do you see the fucking difference? no? then I'll make it more clear.

dora the explorer & go diego go, mickey mouse clubhouse, handy manny, octonauts, bob the builder, super why, wild kratts, zoboomafoo, jojo's circus, wow wow wubbzy, stanley, doc mcstuffins, max & ruby, wonder pets, bubble guppies, ni hao khai lan, backyardigans, little einsteins, caillou (ugh) and p*w p*trol (double ugh), these are all undeniably kids shows. their audience is children (and the occasional adult by age with severe intellectual disabilities) and maybe the parents whose brains are too fried to care what's on the tv. these shows main purpose is to educate while entertaining on subjects one would encounter in preschool and kindergarten. counting 1-10, ABCs, basic color, basic language, basic intrapersonal skills, basic emotional literacy, problem solving, using your imagination, what sounds do animals make, breaking the fourth wall to ask the audience to answer what's 2+2 or tell them a lesson they learned today like I LEARNED TO NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER or some simple message like that. it's always light, there's no edgelord grimdark "what if they were dead the whole time" bullshit. it's just good clean simple wholesome [except for paw patrol] programs for kids to be distracted for a little bit of time, while also letting them walk away having said they learned something. at least half of the time dedicated to every single one of these shows is devoted to the same shit over and over again. I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map WE FUCKING GET IT YOURE THE MAP! backpack backpack I'm the backpack loaded up with things and knickknacks too, anything that you might need I've got inside for you. we did it we did it we did it HOORAY! come on vamanos everybody let's go, come on let's get to it, I know that we can do it,

WHERE ARE WE GOING

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

THESE SONGS ARE BURNED INTO MY BRAIN AND THEYLL BE STUCK IN MY HEAD UNTIL I DIE

say click take a pic, the hot dog dance, CAN HE FIX IT???, pizza! spaghetti!, THE DOC IS IN AND SHELL FIX YOU UP, max & ruby ruby & max max & ruby ruby & max MAX & RUBY RUBY & MAX MAX & RUBY RUBY & MAX, wonder pets wonder pets we're on our way to help the friend and save the day, we're not too big and we're not too tough but when we work together we've got the right stuff, goooOOO WONDER PETS YAAAAY~, yoooour backyard friends the backyardigans (weve got the whole wide world in our yard to explore, thATS WHY EVERY DAY WEEEEERE BACK FOR MOOOORE), were going on a trip in our little rocket ship SOARING THROOOOOUGH THE SKY!!! little einsteins!

I swear to god I've been forced to watch so much children's television in my life it's no wonder there's no room left for serotonin executive function or the ability to speak to morons

point is I know my way around kids shows. my sisters were born in 98, 02, 05, 06, 10, and 18, I think, I don't even know because they're all a blur, I'm literally closer in age to my parents than to my youngest sibling, I never stopped being exposed to kids shows. I know what is and is not a kids show.

adventure time? not a kids show even though kids watch it. it's a "for everyone" show. it's got a target audience of 100% of the planet. steven universe? not a kids show even though kids watch it. miraculous ladybug? not a kids show even though kids watch it. scooby doo? not a kids show even though kids watch it. I'm not discussing the history of adult acceptance of animation, adult animation, or anime, so don't ask. dexter's laboratory. the grim adventures of billy & mandy. codename kids next door. teen titans. fairly oddparents. kim possible. invader zim. AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER. totally spies. courage the cowardly dog. the proud family. SPONGEBOB F*ING SQUAREPANTS. powerpuff girls. foster's home for imaginary friends. oh yeah you know what's coming next. my little goddamn pony friendship is mother fucking magic is not. a. kids. show. even though kids can watch it. it is a cartoon. it is an everyone show. that's why it's disingenuous and fucking stupid to decry any fan over the age of 7 as a pedophile and a weirdo creep; it participates in the infantilization of femininity. why is it ok for 20somethings to keep watching aang and squidward and finn & jake and zim and "return the slab" and everyone's totally fine wth that but when it's twilight sparkle suddenly everyone's like whoa you're a huge fucking loser for watching this girly wussy baby show for girly wussy babies. oh some bronies are sex crazed perverts? I'm sorry have you seen just how much porn there is for spongebob? oh some bronies are cringe? I'm sorry have you met half the steven universe fandom? oh some bronies are fascist rick sanchez kinnies with fedoras and katanas? BREAKING BAD FANS, HELLO!?!?!?

this is such a stupid tiring boring argument. maybe magic talking horses being friends and turning their friendship into magic rainbow nuclear fucking arms and blasting the evil out of a demon and turning her into the coolest fucking half-unicorn biker lesbian in the world is something that brings me, and adult, pure wholesome joy, in between bojack horseman and dark souls and breaking bad and deftones and fallout new vegas and jojo and cannibal corpse and other bleak depressing edgy shit that also brings me comfort. and MAYBE me at 16 starting to watch MLP:FIM becoming finally comfortable with the outward public expression of "traditionally feminine" interests is the main reason why I realized I was a girl when I did, and MAYBE I just like how pretty the colorful ponies look, AND MAYBE I KIN WITH ONE OR TWO OR EIGHT CHARACTERS, WHAT OF IT?

AND MAYBE ITS LITERALLY THE BEST LONG RUNNING FANTASY TV SERIES ON THE MARKET RIGHT NOW* SINCE GAME OF THRONES FUCKING SUCKS

but whatever, kids watch it sometimes so it's illegal for anyone who's not a kid to enjoy it, but only if it's something girly because liking girly things is bad because girliness is inherently bad, and the only things that are good have predominantly male casts*. right? right??? wrong, fucker. g4mlp has so much more in common with adventure time & atla than with blues clues or dora the fucking explora...r.

but keep in mind I'm saying this while hugging a blues clues plushie my grandma gave me for valentine's day because it reminds her of when I was a baby because I may not watch blues clues but it still means a lot to me for nostalgia and is 50% of the reason why I love ray charles. kids media isn't necessarily bad. I still do enjoy watching it with my little sisters. all this is is me being anal about categorization because I'm autistic and I LIVE for categorizing everything.

*besides atla obviously

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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So I have this theory that Steve and billy would take a long time to get to each other. They both have so much damage. They know they would be amazing but they also know they aren’t ready yet. So they go with their separate ways. They grow up, they get better. 10 years later they are both back home for a wedding (let’s say Dustin/Erica because I personally think they would be awesome. She would run his life and he would thank her for it) And S/B realize they are ready now. The timing is perfect

Read on Ao3.

“It looks good, buddy.”

Steve was sitting bored in the leather armchair. His hand was propping his chin as he stared at Dustin. He had tried out 18 suits and Steve was tired.

“I don’t know, Steve. I don’t think I like the blue.” It was his sixth navy suit. Steve wanted to bash his head in.

“I still maintain I like the first one.” Dustin took another look in the mirror before nodding.

“I’ll put the first one back on.” Steve groaned at the ceiling.

Steve was Dustin’s Best Man. They had kept in close contact even as Steve moved to Chicago, worked entry-level jobs until he went to college, studied, and became a special education teacher.

Dustin had recently graduated from MIT, was living in Indianapolis with Erica. He worked at an engineering lab, was designing already. Steve was very proud. The past few months he had driven to Indy every Friday and staying through the weekend, helping him with plans, the registry, and addressing invitations. He nearly shit when he wrote Billy Hargrove’s name and address.

“Okay, I think this is the one.” Dustin was back in the first one. Steve wanted to hit his head against the wall until he fucking died.

“Okay, so we’ve got me and your mom, and the Sinclairs, and Marnie, and Robin at Table 1. Table 2 is El and Mike and Will and Seth and Reggie and Max and Angie and Lucas, which, shouldn’t he sit at table one? Family and that. Table 3 is Nancy and Jonathan and Mrs. Byers and Hopper and-” Steve choked on the next name. “Billy? Why didn’t you tell me he was coming?” Dustin looked up from the huge board they had been using to make the seating chart.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. You know he’s the love of my fucking life.” Steve was gawking at Dustin who rolled his eyes.

"He's not. You've just been gross and hung up on him for ten years, Steve. That's lame."

"We could've had something! We were getting close and I kept-"

"You were getting closer and you kept feeling electricity and then he died and then he was fine and then he ran away to California I know, Steve." Steve felt his face heat up He looked back at the seating chart. "Stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting." He was totally pouting. "It's just, I haven't seen him in ten years. It's gonna be, what if he's moved on."

"He's not bringing a plus one."

"Maybe they couldn't come." Dustin rolled his eyes.

"Just fucking talk to him when you see him. Don't know why it has to be such a big deal."

"I can't talk to him, Dustin. what would I say?"

"Start with hi, Billy. And just see where it takes you."

"I just, it's been a while since I've dated and-"

"But it's time you moved on from Taylor. I told you that guys was bad news, and lo and fucking behold, he ends up sucking." Steve shifted uncomfortably. That relationship had ended over three years ago, ended with Steve spending two months on Robin's couch. He was still in therapy over it.

"Yeah, I know." Steve was talking to his arms, folding tightly over his chest.

"Buddy, I'm not trying to be an ass. Just saying. You're doing much better after that. And Max says Billy's really good. That he's got his life on track and is happy."

"Then he probably has someone. And he might not even be into guys!"

"Okay, then get over your lame self, and be his friend." Steve huffed. "But whatever you do, just help me finish this fucking seating chart."

Steve was fucking running.

He had been in charge of the rings, and he had, misplaced them.

Because of course he fucking did. Of course, he held onto them for weeks only to lose them on the day.

He was sweating through his white shirt in the Hawkins heat. Running from room to room in the upstairs of the old house. His parents kept the Hawkins house, just in case they were ever passing through. Steve doesn't think they've spent more than three hours in it since he was nineteen, but it gave him a free place to crash whenever he was in town.

He was tearing through rooms, anywhere he could've been these past few hours. He knows he had the rings when he put on his shirt, had them in his pocket when he realized he needed cufflinks.

He flew downstairs, rummaging through the drawer in his father's side of the bathroom, finding the rings exactly where he had stolen the cufflinks from. They were thin, gold bands. Erica's had a small diamond set into it. They were engraved on the inside, quotes for Star Wars, Dustin's holding Princess Leia's I love you, Erica's with Han Solo's I know. Steve had made fun of them endlessly when he had picked them up from the jeweler's.

"Steve, you're a fucking idiot and also a genius." He scrambled to his car, driving well over the speed limit to the venue, a historic house in the old part of Hawkins. It was grand and beautiful and much cooler than the summer air outside. Steve was so focused on delivering the rings he didn't notice the Camaro sitting out front, still in its pristine condition. He opened doors at random, getting screamed at by Erica's Maid of Honor, Marnie, when he burst into the wrong room. Marnie fucking hated Steve, and he didn't really know why. Apparently it had something to do with the engagement party. But, he got blackout fucking drunk at that thing, so he had no idea what she was so pissed about.

Well, now she was quite obviously pissed that he had slammed open the door to find her and Erica in robes, getting their makeup done. She threw a shoe at his head.

He was fucking sprinting down a hallway when he crashed right into a fucking wall, solid and steady. He was knocked back on his ass,

"Oh shit, sorry!" He looked up, finding Billy Hargrove staring down at him. "Steve fucking Harrington. As I live and breathe." Billy's hair was long, was wild and big. He was wearing a well-fitting suit, looked thick and muscled, more than he had in high school. Steve's mouth went fucking dry. Billy had his shirt unbuttoned to the bottom of his sternum, showing off a large chest piece, gorgeous flowers weaving around and through the scar on his chest. Steve could see it was healed, but still raised, pink and shiny in a few areas, the skin pulled and puckered where Billy had been stitched back together.

Billy extended a hand, a scarred tattooed hand, and heaved Steve off the floor.

"Hi, Billy." Billy grinned at him. It was softer than he remembered. "You look good."

"You seen yourself? You're still as pretty as I remember." Steve fucking giggled like a fucking schoolgirl. He had let his hair grow out some since high school. Some of the kids liked his long hair.

"What have you, what have you been up to?" Steve was overly aware of his arms. Was trying to find a way to hold himself that didn't look stupid.

"You know, California. USed my government hush money to go to culinary school. I'm a sous-chef now at a restaurant in L.A."

"Oh, wow. Congratulations. You've really, you've come a long way. You look, happy." Steve flushed a little more.

"What are you doin', Pretty Boy?" Steve's heart tripped over itself at the old nickname.

"I'm in Chicago, now. I teach special education at an elementary school. I'm actually, I'm in line to become head of the department when the current one, when she retires." Billy's eyes crinkled at the corners with his smile.

"That's so perfect for you. What made you choose special ed?"

"I went to college and learned I'm dyslexic." Billy barked a laugh, one Steve had never heard before, a fucking real one.

"You didn't know? I could've told you that!"

"I mean, I just thought I was fucking stupid, but once I learned what the problem was, the university gave me some resources to help. I was actually in the nursing program, but I kept thinking about how the university helped me so much, that getting a real diagnosis was fucking life-changing, not only for school, but just in the way I thought about myself. I don't want kids to grow up like I did, convinced that their literal disability is just, just stupidity." Steve met Billy's eyes, saw them glow with fondness.

"I'm so happy for you, Steve. I'm so proud you found such an amazing calling, you seem like you've come such a long way." Billy squeezed his upper arm, made Steve melt.

"Thank you, that, that really means a lot to m-"

"Steve! I have been looking for you for hours. Where have you been, Asshole?" Dustin was stomping down the hall

"Doesn't matter. I'm here, I've got the rings, I'm ready to go."

"Did you not have the rings?" Dustin looked like he was going to explode.

"I have them! See!" Steve pulled them out of his pocket, clinking them together. "All engraved with your nerd shit and ready." Billy was watching them, an amused look on his face.

"You are a nightmare and the worst best man in the history of-"

"Can you not be dramatic for one fucking da-"

"I'm allowed to be dramatic today, I'm getting marrie-"

"You're never allowed to be dramatic you little-"

"God, you two really are brothers. You fight like siblings." They both whipped to look at Billy, giving him the exact same pissed off-glare. Billy laughed at them.

"Look, I'll get outta y'all's hair." He clapped Steve on the shoulder. "It's good to see you, Stevie. Hope we can catch up more. Congrats, Dustin." He trotted down the hall. Dustin grinned at Steve.

"It's GOOD to see you, STEVIE. He's totally into you. It's exhausting being right all the time." Steve slapped his arm.

The ceremony was short and sweet.

Steve stood behind Dustin, handed him a tissue when he got all misty, took one for himself when he began tearing up. He noticed Billy sitting a few rows back, noticed how his eyes were always on Steve whenever Steve's trailed over to him. He was smiling softly at him, even fucking winked at Steve, made him go red and look away. Robin noticed something off about him, noticed the way he was flushed, raised her eyebrow for her spot in the first row with Claudia. He shook his head.

The cocktail hour took place outside in the oppressive heat as the large ballroom was altered from ceremony set-up, to dinner and dancing. Steve was overseeing the transition, as Dustin was extremely specific, and someone needed to deal with it.

"You've been weird all day." Robin knocked her shoulder into his. "It finally catching up to you that one of your kids is married?"

"Mike and El have been married for like, years."

"Yeah, but Dustin is your baby." Steve rolled his eyes.

"It really doesn't bug me. I just, Billy's here. We like, talked earlier. And he kept, lookin' at me." She sighed.

"You know what I've always said about Billy. When he was coming into Scoops like, every day and being all flirty. But just, be careful he's been through a lot and, I just don't want the whole Taylor situation to happen again." He shuffled his feet.

"It won't. He seemed, happy. Like he was all bright and was, was laughing, and I've never heard him laugh like that." Her eyes were soft.

"Just be careful, Dingus."

At dinner, Steve had to give his speech.

He was a wreck, had dropped his cards, and started fucking crying a couple different times. But he got laughs in all the right places, and Claudia had cried loudly so he was feeling pretty alright about it.

He had made a point not to look at Billy the whole time, couldn't fathom looking into his bright eyes as he talked. As dinner winded to a close, the bar opened, and the music began.

Dustin and Erica's first dance was so sweet, they had chosen At Last, the Etta James number that made Steve and Claudia tear up. Lucas took Erica out next, swapping with Mr. Sinclair as Claudia took Dustin.

And then the music devolved into upbeat dance numbers, kept everyone on their feet for hours.

Steve was taking a much-needed break. Nancy had worn him out during Rio, arguably the best Duran Duran dong to ever exist according to Steve.

"You're really tearing it up out there. Nice to see your taste hasn't changed at all." Billy was leaning against the bar, was nursing an amber-colored drink. Steve sipped his pink wine.

"I stand by Duran Duran." Billy laughed, leaning forward enough for Steve to feel his warmth.

"Your speech was nice."

"Thank you! I was so fucking nervous, you have no idea." It was easy talking to Billy. Felt like not a day had passed since they were sitting on the hood of Steve's car at the quarry together, throwing rocks into the water and passing a joint back and forth.

"I wanna know everything about from these past ten years." Steve took in a big breath.

"You pretty much know it all. Took me a good while to get my shit together and get through school, finding something I'm passionate about."

"But there has to be more. A lot can happen in ten years. You dating anyone?" Steve's heart lodged itself in his throat. He blinked down at his wine.

"Not right now. Last one was, uh, it really fucked me up." Billy's hand was so warm when he placed it on Steve's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I asked. You don't gotta explain." Steve blinked, shaking himself.

"Are you, are you with someone?" Billy chuckled. He ran a hand through his hair, through the wild curls Steve was obsessed with.

"Nah. Hard to find guys that don't get weirded out by the scars. I've got a whole lotta baggage."

"Sorry, guys?" Billy gave him an odd look.

"Yeah, Harrington. Guys. I'm gay. That a problem?" It was the closest Billy had looked to his old Hawkins self, puffing his chest up.

"No, that's not a problem. Just didn't know is all. I'm, uh, I'm bisexual." Billy's eyebrows shot up.

"No shit?"

"No shit." Billy smirked at him.

"You know I've always had a thing for you." Steve choked on his wine, coughing harshly as Billy laughed, thumping him on the back.

"Don't say that shit to me. I've had the biggest stupidest fucking crush on you since I was seventeen. That summer before everything when to shit, when we were, like, hanging out, I kept thinking something was gonna, was gonna happen." Billy's smile fell.

"I know. I'm sorry, Stevie. I just, I wasn't good back then. I was so fucking angry, about moving to Hawkins, and everything with my dad, and then getting possessed, I wouldn't've been good to you. And you deserve good, Stevie. You wouldn't have grown like you did if you were always trying to take care 'a me."

"Sometimes, the growing hurt, and I, I wish some of it hadn't have happened."

"I know how that feels, Pretty Boy. But the growing, sometimes it has to hurt. Everything that happened to me, everything with that thing, it made me who I am, and for the first time in my whole life, I really like who I am." Steve took a breath.

"You know, I never got the story from you. Why you actually moved to Hawkins. You'd say something different and ridiculous every time I asked." Billy looked down at his drink.

"My dad. He caught me with a boy in my room. He said, he told me living in the midwest would straighten me out. I think he thought either I play straight or I'd get hate crimed."

"I'm sorry, Bill." He smiled at him, just one side of his mouth ticking up.

"Honestly, Pretty Boy. Like I said, everything really happens for a reason. That's what I live by now, because all that horrible shit, it led me here, and I'm okay."

"Good for you, Bill. I really mean that. You've made such a great life for yourself." Billy pressed in closer to him, made Steve's breath catch.

"Thank you, Sweet Thing. That means a lot comin' from you." He leaned even further into Steve's space. "You wanna get outta here? I've got a nice hotel room." Steve felt warmth spread down his spine. He hooked a finger into one of Billy's belt loops.

"You know, I've always loved that car 'a yours. First time I saw you get out of it, kept thinking about getting fucked in that back seat." Billy groaned, his head falling onto Steve's shoulder.

"It's parked right outside." Steve leaned to Billy's ear.

"Race ya."

They ran, giggling like little kids all the way to Billy's vintage car. Billy fumbled with the keys, dropping them twice before Steve yanked open the door, diving in the back seat.

They were still giggling as they struggled outta their clothes, making out in between items. Steve flopped down once he was undressed, pulling Billy down on top of him, laughing as Billy knocked the wind out of him.

The giggles turned to moans when Billy latched onto his neck, sucking and biting. He finally put his hand in those curls, the other trailing down his back, ghosting over the scars there.

"I love all your tattoos. So gorgeous." Billy pressed kisses down his chest. He stopped at the large scar running from the inside of Steve's collarbone a few inches down his arm.

"What's this from?" Steve stiffened under him. He sat up, brushing some hair off of Steve's forehead.

"It's, it's from a surgery I had."

"What happened?" Steve pushed his hand away from the scar.

"Shattered my collarbone." Steve was sitting up, was tugging his pants back on.

"Shit, Stevie, I'm sorry. I won't, you don't have to talk about it." Steve huffed, flopping back into the seat.

"It's okay. It's just-" He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Billy tugged his own slacks back on. "The relationship I told you about. The last one I was in." BIlly's eyes went big. He took Steve's hand.

"Stevie, I'm sorry." Steve shook his head."How long were you two together?"

"A little over four years."

"Holy shit."

"I ended things over three years ago. Packed my shit and left when he was at work. Lived with Robin after that." He crossed his arms over his middle. "I should've known too. There were, there were so many red flags, but I didn't, I never really ever felt loved, and he told me that he loved me, and so I stayed. Through everything."

"Was he your first relationship since Nancy?"

"Like, full relationship. Once I moved to the city, I let myself go wild a little bit, fucked around with a lot of different people. I thought he was it for me, thought he was the one. We moved in together after about six months." Billy placed a hand on Steve's thigh.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I know how you feel. I know how painful it is to live like that."

"I know you do. And I'm, Robin and Dustin really helped me. They helped me find a support group for queer abuse survivors, and, and Robin drove me to therapies, and I'm so much better, but it's, especially the scar, it's a painful reminder." Billy leaned over, pressing a light kiss to the center of it.

"Stevie, I really like you. I'd like to do this properly. I want to take you on a date." Steve looked at him with wide eyes.

"You, really?"

"Yeah, Baby. Been gone on you since I was sixteen years old." Steve took Billy's face between each palm, kissed him softly, smiled into it, into how right it felt, these two broken boys, these two healed men finally finding one another again.

#yikes writes #harringrove #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble #harringrove au

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creativeashproductions · 6 years

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Uniform Romance 02 // Steve Harrington

Summary: Young and in love Reader and Steve make an impulsive decision that has lasting problems. Years after separating they come face to face with a challenge between them and lost feelings. But what happens when they meet agains years later during a time of crisis?

Characters: Reader x Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers, Dustin Henderson (mentioned), Nancy Wheeler (mentioned), Chief Jim Hopper (mentioned)

Words: 2318

Disclaimer: I do not own Stranger Things or the characters involved. Nor do I own any images or gifs that may appear.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, young romance, heartbreak

Author: Caitsy

A/N: Part two of three short blurbs. Based loosely on a Hallmark movie I watched a few days ago.

Master list

Prompt List

ASK US A QUESTION LIST

“Officer Hargrove.” You stated from the entry of your office, “Did you attend the anger management classes?”

“No sweetcheeks. I don’t have the time.” Billy smirked collapsing into the chair in front of your desk with a smirk. His teeth holding a tooth pick in his mouth while the sleeves of his blue uniform were rolled up.

“We talked about this.” You sighed looking up at him, “I can’t have you on the force if you’re going to snap at suspects. You pulled a gun on a kid that looked at you wrong.”

“I’m the best.” Billy chuckled.

 “You’re suspended.” You blankly stated stamping one of the sheets of paper before getting out of your chair, “Place your gun and badge on the desk.”

You strolled out of you office into the busy room with a few desks and workers sitting at their desks. You ignored the greetings before stopping at the the receptionist desk where El was reading a book.

“Miss Hopper.” You spoke as the younger girl lifted her head up with innocent eyes and a wide smile.

“Chief Y/L/N.” She grinned with a pair of rosy cheeks.

“Can you mail this?” You asked passing the paper over to the girl. She nodded before you started towards your office again.

Hopper took a leave of absence, he was tracking Martin Brenner, leaving you in charge of six officers, and a up and coming detective. You were usually working or training high students to understand the physicality of being an officer. You vividly remembering joining the force and watching your father train Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, Will Byers and Max Mayfield. Out of all of them only Max and Lucas continued on.

Max was a well respected detective, a feat everyone was jealous of, and the youngest one in history. She was often out helping other counties while also training officers driving techniques. You were hesitate with Max and Billy working together.

 “Morning Officer Sinclair.” You nodded at the man before inconspicuously gesturing to your office.

“What’s wrong?” Lucas questioned once your door was shut tight.

“Have you heard from Hopper?” You questioned quietly. Lucas and Max were often the ones in charge of the less…normal side of Hawkins. Patrolling the pumpkin patches was a frequent job they did.

“No.” He spoke confused.

“He must be still out of service.” You sighed shaking your head before releasing Lucas from the door, “If he contacts you let me know.”

You spent the rest of the day doing paper work and calmly telling elderly Flo that her cat wasn’t something you were able to heal. You pointed her in the direction of the local veterinarian but for some reason they two never got along.

You were bored and tired when you got home to the childhood house your parents still lived in with your fiancé also. You were greeted with a kiss from him as he walked you to the kitchen where the food was already on the table.

 “Thank you.” You sighed cracking your neck. The phone rang just at that moment leaving you to sigh, “Y/L/N residence. How can I help you?”

  “I’m Mr. Shank.” Your family lawyer spoke, “I got your file and I’ve found that your still married to a Steve Harrington.”

You choked on air remembering the brown eyes and well kept hair. You were shocked to know this development. You hadn’t really thought of the boy you had married so young for years now.

“It’s annulled.” You hissed from the living room, “I’m getting married! I can’t be married already!”

“I’ve got in contact with Steve and I just need you both at the hall tomorrow morning.” Mr. Shank replied before mumbling off the phone to his wife, “I have to go. Mary is trying to put her finger in the socket again.”

You chuckled remembering the mischievous toddler Jason Shank had with his wife Angela. You went silent when he hung up and kept your phone against your ear. You knew you would have to at least tell one of your parents, most likely your mom given the way your Dad reacted, of your absence tomorrow.

“Babe?”

“Coming!” You exclaimed hanging up the phone and removing your uniform jacket.

The dining room was set up with small papers of different fonts and colours in front of your mother and fiancé. You nearly groaned at the sight of the piles deciding you’d rather get shot then sit through planning the wedding.

 “This is a more elegant font.” Your mother explained to one of the huge amounts. You sighed leaning back in your chair gazing longingly at the living room.

“Simple. We decided simple.”

You ignored the conversation going on between the two of them to remember the times of fun and love you had with Steve Harrington. It felt like yesterday when you sat and remembered everything. The suitcase was tucked away in the back of your closet too full of memories to be properly put away.

“Y/N.” You snapped to attention hearing the exasperated voice of your mom.

“Sorry. Bad day at work.” You shook your head clearing it to focus solely on this wedding. You had been engaged for two years and has just chosen the date to work mainly for your parents and his.

“We can come back to this.” Your mother sighed, “What’s another two years.”

You winced watching her retreating back before locking eyes with him and glanced away when you saw Steve’s eyes instead. It made you uncomfortable how you were seeing parts of Steve in this relationship just because of that call.

 “You should probably help her.” He admitted, “I’ve been avoiding the living room.”

“Go.” You softly spoke sending his sulking to watch some sports game he hated. You wandered into the kitchen seeing your mom holding a cup in hand staring outside.

“What really happened?” She asked.

You glanced over your shoulder before gesturing her to follow you outside of the house. You kept silent until you were inside the greenhouse she had kept for the last few years. The door closed before you turned to her.

“Mr. Shank called.” You spoke.

“And?”

  “Apparently I’m still married to Steve.”

“What?” Mom spat shocked, “Your dad sent the papers in years ago!”

  “I know. He told me. You told me. I signed.” You sighed leaning against a wooden box, “No one but you and Dad know we got married!”

“We can’t ask your dad.” Mom shook her head sighing along with you, “The doctor explicitly told us no stress.”

He had his third heart attack in the last nine months striking fear into the family and taking more of his independence away. He was on disability while your mother was working full time again. He was a shell of the laughing man you remembered and you were truthfully getting married so soon because he was all excited to walk you down the aisle.

“I guess I have to go tomorrow and see him.” You sighed shaking your head as stress built on your shoulders.

“You can do it.”

A new day with the sun breaking over the landscape was how you spent your time having gotten little sleep. You were on a tight schedule today with the approaching meeting and the atmosphere in Hawkins changed overnight. It was reminiscent of the Upside Down in 1984 and you were more than nervous it was coming back.

Hopper was AWOL leaving you in charge and with no ability to contact him…well you could say you felt unprepared. That meant all hands were on deck, even with Billy’s suspend ass, so you were going to the meeting wearing your uniform. Way to knock Steve on his ass with your mature changes.

The outside of the office matched in the inside with the white drab paint and dull coloured clothing on the employees. You felt the judgemental eyes on your Chief jacket and the femininity you displayed.

“Chief Y/L/N.” Mr. Shank jovially spoke as you slid into the office allowing him to take your jacket and hang it up.

 “Morning Mr. Shank.” You smiled staring at the picture frame of his happy family, “Wher-“

“I’m here. Sorry I’m late.” The winded familiar voice spoke from behind you, “Am I in the wrong?”

  “Mr. Harrington.” Mr. Shank spoke with a grin, “Been awhile. How’re you doing?”  

“I’m…holy shit.” Steve gaped as you turned to look at him, “You’re an officer-“

 “Chief.” You firmly spoke flicking your eyes over his body keeping aloof.

Steve wore black slacks paired with a starched white button down and loosely kept tie but the one thing that didn’t change was his hair. It was kept just as short as it was when you last saw him and some minor changes to his face and muscle definition but other than that nothing was different.

“Wow.”

“Can we get on this? It’s a busy day.” You spoke turning your attention to Mr. Shank.

“Okay so I went through the paperwork that I could find. However the meaty part must have been lost in the mail. Meaning you’re still legally married to each other.” Mr. Shank said glancing through some papers neatly stacked, “Now I have a court time for later to-“

Your phone broke his sentence loudly, El and Lucas were the ones to integrate the cells into off duty, earning looks from both of them.

“Sorry.” You winced answering it, “Chief Y/L/N.”

“We got a problem Chief.” The frantic voice of Lucas spoke.

“What’s the matter?” You sat up straighter. God you recognized that tone of voice from years ago.

“There’s something odd.”

“Are we talking…?” You trailed off ignoring the looks from Mr. Shank.

“Max and I think it’s back.” Lucas spoke. You froze feeling icy terror crawl up your back and through your veins.

“Shit.” You groaned, “Tell El. I’m on my way.”

“Sure thing.”

You strode to the coat hanger grasping your jacket tightly before slipping the phone into the holder on your holster. You checked your gun and badge on your shirt before opening the door with a singular goal in mind.

“What’s going on?”

  “Rain check the court meeting!” You called out over your shoulder slamming the outside door open before heading for the police truck.

 “What’s going on?!” Steve called close on your heels with Mr. Shank.

 “Chief! We need to clear this up for you to get married!”

“What?!” Steve exclaimed as he slid in front of you and your door, “What the hell is going on?!”

“Police business.” You spat reaching around to unlock your door.

 “I can help.” He spoke.

 “Bullshit.” You huffed stepping closer, “Move aside before I put a bullet in you.”

“Why can’t I help?”

  “You ain’t police.”

“I’m a detective. Newly minted.” He spoke softly. You bit your lip before nodding towards your truck. He kept quiet on the way to the station glancing over every once in a while, “So you’re engaged.”

“And still married apparently.” You muttered shaking your head. He opened his mouth but El, Max and Lucas all flew out of the station towards you. Once they were inside Lucas was throwing out directions.

“Steve?”

“Lucas?” Steve asked surprised to see him in uniform.

“Been awhile.” Lucas spoke looking at him, “How’ve ya been?”  

“Pretty good.” Steve awkwardly returned looking at Max, “So you’re an officer.”

“Detective.” She spoke earning another gaping expression, “Went to Indianapolis but hated it. Prefer Hawkins so I came back.”

 “You’re so young!”

“I work hard.” She rolled her eyes while El kept to herself playing with the simple necklace she had received a few years back from Mike.

“So what the hell is going on?” You asked Lucas.

 “I was on patrol on route thirty six of the hundred and twenty Hopper ordered a few years back. I heard this groaning sound so I check it out and I swear to god a tree was oozing this goo.”

“Shit.” You spoke groaning. 

“What the hell is going on!?” Steve exclaimed, “Where is Hopper? Why is there two detectives on the force in a small town?”

  “Because Lucas and Max deal more with the events that residents aren’t aware of.” You replied, “Hopper’s away on business.”

“Works out in our favour.” Max shrugged slouching down, “Don’t like one of the officers though.”

“He’s your step brother.” Lucas chuckled placing his hand on hers, “Of course you don’t like him. Besides he hates that you can order him around now.”

“Billy is an officer?!” Steve exclaimed, “How in the hell did someone let him join the force.”

  “His impeccable aim.” You spat unhappily, “The ass toes the line more often than not but he knows what he can do without getting kicked off.”

  “I’m shocked.” Steve grunted leaning back.

 “He’s suspended until he takes anger management classes for the act he did recently.” You sighed coming to a stop at the abandoned pumpkin patch.

 “Why are we-“

“Because the Upside Down is rearing its head again for the fifth time in the last five years.” You grunted moving to the back of the truck where Hopper had inserted a hidden compartment. You tossed a shotgun to Lucas and Max before grabbing the last one. Once loaded you started towards the woods.

Steve hung back before catching up. He left his gun in the safe in his car with his badge also. He was empty handed and severely out of his element. It had been more than fifteen years since he had dealt with the Upside Down.

“What have I missed?” Steve muttered to himself.

“Y/N’s getting married.” El softly answered him with a smile, “They bonded over you leaving town and Nancy leaving for college after a fight with Jonathan.”  Steve froze blanking for moment.

 “She’s getting married to Jonathan.”

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lupismaris · 7 years

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For the tv series ask: Black Sails!

Oh boy oh boy oh bOY

1- favorite character of all time?

James Flint McGraw. 100%. Granted, John Silver is so close behind him that its a tricky choice. But James is without a doubt my favorite character. Both because of his story, how well i relate to it, and because hes just an over dramatic shit who has never had an ounce of chill. I love him.

2- character i used to dislike but now love?

I never outright disliked him, but Charles Vane really grew on me through seasons 2 and 3. I think seeing him grow as a person, become himself, and stand for something greater than just gold made him a really wonderful character in my mind. Im in denial, at the very least.

3- character i used to like who i dislike now?

Dufresne. Like holy fuck dude you rip out a mans throat with your teeth and im thinking youre gonna be so much fun and then you turn into a weasly little shit who throws slurs at disabled people and betrays his crew. Like nah boy. Nah.

4- character im indifferent about?

Honestly i think eleanor, while being fascinating, interests me the least. I cant pinpoint why exactly, but while i respect her struggle and her various victories, she kinda exhausts me at times.

5- character who deserved better?

Miranda Hamilton and Mr Scott. Both get picked because they were such phenomenal people and their endings, while serving plot, left me feeling a tad bitter. Ill add Charles Vane as an aside, because im still in denial.

6- ship i cant get into?

Eleanor and Vane. To me, it seemed too toxic and too manipulative to be healthy and truly love. But thats just me.

7- ship i wont get over?

FlintSilver and FlintHamilton, aka the two canon ships that will haunt me until i die.

8- cute lokey ship?

Idk i like the idea of Ben and Billy. Its cute. Also Vane joining the poly trio of jack/anne/max because he needs love. And ot4 madi/silver/flint/thomas.

9- unpopular ship i enjoy?

Eh, i cant think of one?

10- ship that should never have been?

Im not crazy about eleanor and rogers but tbh i think youre not supposed to enjoy that one so idk. Not a fan.

11- favorite moment or story line?

YOU EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE??

Aaauuugghhh ok uhm well fuck, the entire “finding out about thomas” plot line like holy fuck, the “flint and silver carrying each other through the darkness” plot, the “max anne and jack figure out how to be happy” plot, every moment that flint cannot contain his sass, blackbeard being the king of no chill, jack rackham judging the world and woodes rogers, madi just existing, flint being violent against people who wronged him, flint being shook by powerful women like all the time, flint being 100% dad and 100% done, silver killing duresne after being called half a dozen slurs like goddamn i am still recovering from that, silver being a delightful little shit every five minutes, every monologue that flint has, know no shame-

Literally there are too fuckin many

12- plot you think should never have been written?

Its not something that shouldnt be written, but something i wish we saw more of, and thats madi and silver’s relationship. We dont get a lot of time to see them fall in love, and id have liked to see more of their growth together.

Also im in denial about charles so theres that.

13- first thoughts?

I had expected Black Sails to be like every other gritty, dark show about white dudes on tv. I had heard tidbits of good things but wasnt willing to be impressed. I mean, i love pirates, the whole aesthetic and idealism of pirates, i enjoy period pieces, and i enjoy a good bit of well choreographed violence. But the likelihood that it would be just like every other show on tv made me wary at first, so i put it off for a while. But when my boyfriend binged seasons 1-3 in as many days, i caved, expecting to be disappointed.

14- my thoughts now?

I have three Black Sails tattoos planned. I have “Know No Shame” in the bio of almost every social media account i use, i have been adding all the books mentioned in the show to my library, i have been telling everyone i come across to watch this show, i dragged my girlfriend into the abyss with me. I have cried more for this show than i have cried over any other media, and that includes any superheroes or harry potter or books.

The story morale, of love being our guiding principle, of fighting for who you are and your place in the world- the fact that the lead protagonist is an emotionally vulnerable bisexual man, that there are multiple queer characters and poly amorous arrangements, disabled characters who are strong and treated with respect, that the notion of liberation and freedom and the darkness being a home when civilization casts us aside-

This show has effected me in ways i would have never in my life anticipated or prepared for. I dont think i will ever be able to fully express the impact this show, this story, and most importantly these characters, have had on me as a person.

The simplest way to say it- it has made me braver, more willing to face the world as i am.

And maybe thats ridiculous. But what the show has given me, the lessons spoken by the characters, has given me footing, something to look to when im afraid.

Lmao so yeah thats black sails im gonna go hide in my pit of pirate despair now

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hargrove-mayfields · 3 years

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so sorry im late asking this (i was waiting for you to get more, super surprised you didn’t get more asks tbh) but could I hear more about your wips “I have a crush on Barbara Holland” “baby fic” and “HOH Steve” also if it’s not too much “girlyfriends” and “cali house” and “medical emergency” ik ik that’s a lot but I’d honestly want hear about ALL of you wips in that list if i could. thank u in advance

It’s alright anon! I’ll accept these asks until I run out of WIPs to talk about!

I have a crush on Barbara Holland- This one is a soulmates au, where Steve has his soulmates initials, B.H., on his wrist, and he is whole heartedly convinced that that person is Barb. He’s very much in love with her, and there’s lots of talk about how pretty and nice she is (hence the title lol) but eventually she reveals that he isn’t her soulmate. Before she had hid the initials on her own wrist under a watch or a chunky bracelet, but she feels guilty, and shows Steve that her mark had long ago faded, because her soulmate passed away when they were in elementary school. Steve decides, despite how much value he used to hold in the whole soulmate thing, he doesn’t care about who some stupid mark says he should be with, so him and Barb date until her death. He’s heart broken, but the sadness very quickly turns into so much anger after Billy Hargrove, another B.H. rolls into town with a little S.H. on his wrist. He feels like the universe or whoever is even in charge of this soulmate bullshit is spiting him for thinking he could fall in love with someone he wasn’t destined to be with, so he rejects Billy for a long, long time, even after he himself figured it out that Steve is his match. When he does start to feel that way about Billy, he struggles with so much guilt and has to go through a very long grieving process to be comfortable with his feelings, because he’s not even sure if they’re his genuine feelings or the work of this soulmate bond. Very long and very angsty.

baby fic- Nancy gets pregnant that first time at the party with Tommy and Carol, and her and Steve try really really hard to make things work out for their baby, but it just isn’t meant to be. They make an arrangement that the Harringtons are very not pleased with, where Nancy has the baby at the Byers house half the time (because let’s be honest I think the Wheelers house is not really a safe place to be raising a baby) and Steve has her the rest of the time. Because it was like, a much more mature breakup without the cheating and the drunken confessions, they’re still pretty close friends. When the upside down starts making an appearance again, they have to try to figure out how to navigate it with this little four month old baby, and that means getting some help involved. Billy shows up at the Byers and instead of a fight, Steve’s all exhausted like oh good, you’re finally here, and gives him the worlds fastest run down of this monster fighting shit with a crying baby on his hip, and like, Billy just can’t say no to him asking him to go into the tunnels while he watches the baby. There is eventual Harringrove after a while, but it’s a slow burn for sure. This is also probably the least serious and least angsty thing I have ever started to write.

HOH Stevie- They’re all in the government hospital getting their post Starcourt once overs, Billy and El of course being rushed into surgery, and Steve’s about to get discharged when he gets addressed by name and just, does not respond at all. The doctor is like hmm, and checks his ears, and they find out he has almost no hearing in his left ear, and only about forty percent in the right. All that head trauma from the Russians and then all of the explosions of the fireworks, it leaves him deaf.

Everyone tries to be supportive, but his dad refuses to let him get hearing aids because he doesn’t believe he actually needs them (Steve’s a diagnosed hypochondriac) so for the next several months while his parents are still home waiting for their next trip, he’s struggling. He basically gets iced out by the party because he just can’t hear anything they’re saying, and the kids get tired of repeating themselves, and Nancy got insulted the one time he told her her voice is too quiet, and Robin wants to do things right for him, but she forgets sometimes, and will ramble on about something without looking at him and everytime he’s like great, I didn’t catch a single word of that, lovely talk though. It’s very frustrating and isolating and nobody seems to want to make accommodations for him.

The very same day that his parents leave for their latest vacation, he goes back to hospital. At first he just has to get more testing done, since it had been upwards of six months since the last time they saw him, and on his way out he notices Max in the waiting room chairs. He hadn’t seen much of her at all since Starcourt, so he checks on her, and at first she tells him to go away, because her friends have said some not so nice things about how much time she spends at the hospital, and assumes Steve is there to tell her Billy isn’t worth it too. Because that’s not the case, he ends up going in the room to visit Billy with her.

They do the small talk, the awkward, sorry about the fact that you’ve been in the hospital for six months now and nobody wants to come see you thing, and at some point Billy realizes that Steve can’t hear a damned thing he’s saying. He tests his theory by saying Steve’s name when he’s not looking and just waiting for him to answer but, surprise he doesn’t because he didn’t hear it at all, and Billy’s just like, you’re deaf aren’t you?

The progression of the fic is basically Steve coming to visit Billy everytime he has an appointment for his hearing (and more, but Bill doesn’t know that) but the day of his last appointment to make sure his hearing aids are functioning as well as they ever will for how bad off his hearing is, Billy’s acting different.

When he’d first walked into his room Billy had been surprisingly bright eyed and bushy-tailed for what he went through, but now he’s just acting all mopey. Max makes him tell Steve what’s wrong, and he confesses that he feels like he’s going to get left behind now that Steve’s all better, because then he has no real reason to visit him anymore. But Steve has one very good reason, and the rest of the story is him making sure Billy knows it.

girlyfriends- This’n’s sort of a non-canon compliant character study about aromantic! Billy, focusing on how awful and uncomfortable he felt with his past girlfriends, messing up dates and never going as far as they wanted him to, which at the time he pinned on liking boys instead, but then after he gets with Steve, he feels like this is different and he likes it, but he’s still not too big on all the lovey dovey, romance stuff. He rationalizes it as like, maybe just being a side effect of him being an asshole or something, but he‘s actually super insecure about how he is in relationships. There is a fluffy resolution though where he embraces his identity, it’s really not all doom and gloom, boo hoo I hate myself stuff.

cali house- Years after Starcourt, the boys have moved to a decent house in California using their government hush hush money, and they’re there for only about a month when Billy’s mother shows up at their door.

She says she caught wind that her son was back in town and wanted to come see him, after all this time. Billy of course lets her back in his life immediately, his mom meant so much to his recovery process and now that she’s here, he can’t turn her away, but Steve’s a little suspicious of her intentions.

He thinks that if she wanted to see Billy, she would’ve done that years ago before he ever even left Cali in the first place, or that you know, she wouldn’t have fucking left him behind. He tries to bring it up with Billy gently, but he won’t hear it, and he feels beyond hurt by the suggestion because he thinks Steve is just jealous that he’s spending time with his mother, who he hasn’t seen for upwards of fifteen years at this point.

They fight and avoid each other for a few days until Billy’s momma admits when he brings it up, over lunch or something saying like, “Steve thought you were using me or something, isn’t that crazy?” and she’s just like “Well, actually...”and tells him that money was tight, and she needed a little extra money, so Billy and his disability checks and his rich (boy)friend seemed like the perfect opportunity to get some.

He goes back home to Steve and expects him to be mad, to rub it in that he was right, but he’s really not, he’s super supportive, and you know, Billy finally realizes he doesn’t need to have this bullshit family thing with his mother, because he already has one, Max and Steve and his friends and all the people that actually care about him.

medical emergency (tw attempted suicide)-

Billy, who’s living on his own in an apartment downtown after Starcourt, deliberately doesn’t get his prescriptions refilled because he’s so done. He’s weak and he’s hurting and he doesn’t feel like himself anymore, and he just feels like he wouldn’t care if his body gave up, if he suffocated in his sleep or had another heart attack. So he doesn’t take care of himself, and when he runs out of oxygen he just doesn’t go get anymore, but he’s halfway to choking on his own blood when he realizes he doesn’t want to die.

He calls Steve, because he’s not calling the cops and he can’t remember anyone’s numbers in his panic, but Steve’s is written on his calendar, scribbled there because they were supposed to make plans for something with the kids. Steve takes him to the hospital, having to fight him to put the CPAP on him to make sure his lungs didn’t collapse before they could get him to Hawkins General, and Billy’s just, so bone tired.

They do all their treatment stuff and get his body back under control, so Steve finally asks him what happened, if maybe he needed someone around to help him remember his meds and stuff, and Billy just, he breaks, like a dam overfilled he just pours out with all of this helplessness and sadness he’d been feeling, how he doesn’t want to live the way he does or at all anymore, and Steve’s heart just breaks for him.

He moves in with him, nobody’s willing to leave him alone after what happened, and Steve (along with Billy getting a new therapist because the old one was incompetent enough to not notice how bad off he was) helps him to realize he has something to live for.

#answered #anonymous #ejs wips #ej writer #yeah theres no such thing as sending it late #if y’all want to ask me just ask me! dont worry about it!

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