an american werewolf in london x text posts (part 1/?)

dean's codependency towards sam codepended too close to the sun as even in the afterlife he kept the samulet because it brings him a sense of connection to his brother and then later risked being cast out of heaven by manipulating reality from up there because looking after sam is all he ever knew and his ideal scenario is his brother happily living his full life

im about to unpack my candles and yall Know im rubbing my lil fly hands together in delight

art credits: @sm-baby

beautiful art of blue soulfire just dropped & at the same time made me realize that all of the players on their team have experienced purgatory.

which is such an ironically lovely thing to realize right? yet it got me curious! there’s a little more than a week left of purgatory and:

from green gay ninjas, cc!mike is likely the only one who won’t experience purgatory, too busy being an academic weapon, while q!rubius is in a sort of limbo, having left the first day just before they were all put on the train, too stunned at suddenly becoming a normal human.

and bolas rojas? you’ve seen their team, you might even know how their expanded schedules are like now. there’s a chance saint felps logs on to experience purgatory, there’s a chance wilbur will feel like he’s been thrown back into minecraft mondays, there’s a chance vegetta and willy can be the destructive duo they are to the fullest extent, and there’s a chance german realizes he’ll no longer be comforted by symbols of home. but the five will have a hard time getting on the same level of the team that started in purgatory from the beginning.

inevitable

i feel like the original series was red guy centered, the first season was for yellow guy, and i am BEGGING AND PRAYING that season 2 will be more about duck!! i will probably cry if anything happens to him though lol 💀 everytime writers break a comic relief character i just OUGSHGS.. it gets me.

h well I don't think you're wrong about that! Webseries being Red Guys time to shine, S1 of the TV show being for Yellow (esp the last two episodes I think? Even thought outside of that, he does get a lot of focus/he IS the one who talks to the audience the most directly). From what I remember hearing, the pilot was pretty Duck-centered.

But I think even if he GETS his big moment in the sun, so to speak, it's NOT going to be as emotional as the other twos. On top of him just not being a very um… let's say sentimental character, he's just not the make-you-cry type! It's just not him imo!

IDK, I operate under the opinion that… in his weird little head, the most important thing that he values over everything is keeping the three of them together. Both because he thinks of them as a weird little family AND because he really doesn't have anyone else outside of the trio. We also know from the interview, and you could maybe argue from the Family episode ( Who do you love?/Anyone who loves me back., I asked every member of my family who they loved the most, and they all said me ) that being loved is something that he actually values QUITE a bit! More than you would assume on first glance! He's weirdly upfront about it haha!

In that way, I imagine that if they were to TRY to pull something to put him in the spotlight in the way you're imagining (i.e. something emotional and focusing on his issues like they did with Yellow & Red) it would either focus on his desire to be loved OR his dedication to keeping the three of them together. But I would argue they both already did that in the Family episode AND put him through the worst case-scenario in regards to those more emotional aspects of his character ( here I think the worst case scenario to him is the other two rejecting him, harshly, unambiguously and to his face, multiple times and the three of them separating ). AND THE THING IS… THAT ALREADY HAPPENED! THAT DIDN'T BREAK HIM!

He had his little pout over it in his dress and was like FINE! I DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAYS! So, I really don't think that big "character-breaking" moment is coming. If the Family ep didn't get him I honest to God don't think there's anything else the house could throw at him that could get under his skin.

Me to myself: Please, you have to stop being weird about this fictional dude.

Me, defiantly: NO, absolutely not, & now, as a matter of fact, I'm getting even weirder about him as we speak JUST TO OFFSET ALL THIS SOUL CRUSHING DOUBT♡

Would you rather stay at the Waffle House as a waitress forever?

Elisha Cuthbert as Carly Jones HOUSE OF WAX (2005) dir. Jaume Collet-Serra

every single time that the knowledge that onision exists enters my scope of perception i have to wonder how he hasnt been thrown in the slammer

"you indestructible little fucker!" fun fact that was my reaction to izzy for basically all of season one

hey fellas this is the cringe website, so I'm gonna go on record real quick okay? I just watched all the willy wonka movies (1971, 2005, 2023) and I NEED to rant about it. Also, I don't really know if we need a warning for this, but I go on a rant about the 2005 one being kinda racist/weird/groomer-ish so there's like a warning i guess.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Novel, 1964): Never read it

Have not read the book. Coming out and saying that now, just to be like, transparent or whatevr.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971): Banger, 10/10

My dad put this on one night (after he had watched both the 1971 movie and the 2005 one) and made me watch it. I had never seen it before and was waiting for some cringey dated 70's humor, maybe even a slur or something, but uh, nope. Gene Wilder was delivering every line with right amount of crazy person energy, without feeling creepy (at least to me). The bits were funny, and (again from my casual viewing) inoffensive. Some of the songs were boring, but when the obvious bangers played, I was hooked. The Oompa-Loompas were pretty funny, and never overstayed their welcome. The focus of this movie is mostly Charlie and Wonka, which is fair considering that's what the book is about (I think like I said I actually never read the book) Far as I am remembering, it was good, clean, killing(?) kids with candy fun.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory(2005): Dogshit film, 3/10

Fucking HATED this shit! The like, Native people direction they took with the Oompa-Loompas??? Omg, every scene felt like a FUCKING hate crime! And their songs were mid, I especially cringed during the first one and the last one. And Johnny Depp does that fucking horrible like.... battle cry thingy to call them as opposed to using the gay-ass little flute Gene Wilder Wonka did???? And the Oompa-Loompas keep doing this like, hands crossed over the chest salute thing? And they row a big boat, with a big drum keeping the rythm? Like WHY are they like this in the movie? And they aren't orange and green and silly anymore, they're just like dark skinned guys? With black hair? Which Idk, would've been an alright change i guess, if they didn't also do a whole scene where William Wanking is running thorugh the jungle in his teddy roselvelte ass outfit, and the oompa-loompas like don't speak english, do "silly" tribal dances to summon cocoa beans or something? and eat bugs???? like that's..... certainly a choice for the film.... And it's even grosser cause in both films mr. wilfred wonder or whatever refers to loompa land as like a horrid place to live or whatever, but when Gene Wilder said it, it kinda felt more like "yeah these little orange dudes get eaten by monsters and shit" and when Johnny Depp says it, it's like "yeah, they lived in a STINKY GROSS PLACE IN TREE HUTS AND THEY WERE POOR!!!! AND GRODY!!!!! Ewww, but after I stripped them of that culture and made them live in my factory, their lives are better now" idk super super weird to me. He also does a scene where the joke is he's just using like AAVE i think? He's like "ARe you hip to it? Are you jive? Slide me some skin, soul-brother!" and like, fucking stop, stop talking like that even if it isn't offensive, it's sure as hell cringey to hear a white, bill cipher human design looking mother fucker to start saying some bull shit like that. And the scene of uh, Violet or whatever getting turned into a blueberry???????? Straight up felt like inflation porn on DeviantArt! She gets big like ass first, and even looks at her ass like "oh dam I'm getting caked up" LIKE SIR THIS IS A CHILD! Same with the scene of Veruca Salt getting attacked by squirrels it felt so fetishy and weird idk. and also this version of WOnka is giving soma MAJOR OVERT Groomer/PEdo vibes like it's SOOOO Fucking gross I hated this movie. And all the Willy Wanker flashbacks are so boring and unessecary. Like shut up. There's just a bunch of scenes like that where I'm like "was this in the book or something?" Like the scene where he builds chocolate palace for a guy in India (complete with the typical 2005 depiction of an Indian man and woman i.e. the head turban things and a very pronounced accent, also the palace was just like chocolate Taj Mahal I'm pretty sure but whatever) but the chocolate melts (and drops on his forhead, between his eye brows. Y'lnow? Get it? Cause the... they have the dot.... thing... like SHUT UP IT'S NOT FUNNY) There was some funny lines, and I thought it was funny that Charlie was played by the dude who plays the Good Doctor (my dad was like "I couldn't watch it without thinking about he was going to say he was a surgeon), but every other scene felt almost illegal to watch. ALSO they drop the R-slur in this movie, which doesn't surprise me considering it was 2205, but if the film from the 70's sexulized the children less, had no slurs in it??? like ok, why are we adding offensive stuff to the equation of this children's movie?

Wonka (2023): Went in as a hater, came out as a fan 8/10

I was like "Who asked for this movie? Do we need another willy wonka movie??" But, I was pleasantly surprised. It had a lot of heart, the effect were pretty nice, I liked the characters. I guess they were given permission or something by Roald Dahl's family or something (i watched a behind the scenes thing, but i don't remember much about it) to do some new stuff with the Wonka character. So a lot of the characters are new, or heavily expanded on. I thought the humor really matched the 1971 film, a lot of funny bits. Timothee Chalamet, who isn't my favorite guy, was surprisingly charming as Wonka, I was ready to be rolling my eyes every time he said something. But, again, he was actually pretty silly, with the sort of seeds planted for him to turn into the Gene Wilder version of Wonka. The kid, Noodle, was also pretty silly. I liked the dynamic between her and William Wonkilla, it felt significantly more wholesome and WAYYY less creepy than anything in the Johnny Depp version. There's also a dead mom backstory for Wanker, and I'm a sucker for that sort of over done cringe, so yeah, I might've gotten like... a little emotional. They made the Oompa-Loompa(s) orange again, and they do the old oompa-loompa song! Pretty pleased with that as well, especially after the painful experience that was the 2005 version of Wonking. Me, my sister, and my dad were all surprised by how much we like this new one, even though I still don't think it was necessary? But again, welcome surprise. Omfg, also, in the BTS thing we watched, there was this sort of unspoken shade being thrown at the 2005 one like there was one guy who was like "Y'know, it's sort of a daunting task because so many great actors have played this character. Y'know, you got Gene Wilder. And now we have Timothee Chalamet- LIKE WOW OKAY DAMN NOT EVEN GONNA SAY HIS NAME!!!! And then also one of the guys, the director or something was like "You can't have a willy wonka movie without Oompa-Loompas, and when I think of oompa-loompas I think orange skin, green hair, you know, funny dances moves" Like, we know what an Oompa-Loompa is.... Why're you mentioning this? Unless, of course, there was a film that went a really weird and uncomfortable route with portraying the Oompa-Loompas?????? OH, like the 2005 one!

The only thing I will say I didn't love with my whole heart was there are a lot of fat jokes. like, there's a cop who puts on a lot of weight throughout the film and it's a little juvenile and sorta dumb and overdone, but I guess I understand the sort of thing they're trying to say? Like, he's getting fat because he's eating chocolate that he's being bribed with, so it's like, he's corrupted or whatever, but idk, i don't love the fat jokes. Still, the character is pretty funny.

So yeah, that's my analysis or whatever. I had a lot of fun watching the movies. The release order is how you should watch them lol. The 1971 movie is a classic, you'll watch it a realize you know more about the movie than you thought, just due to pop culture. The 2005 one, you'll probably recognize some sound bits and some of the soundtrack (if you were on tiktok) but most likely, you'll be annoyed and baffled by the changes they made. And THEN you watch the new one, ready for some cringe, and they hit you with a surprisingly cute and wholesome story that sort of destroys all the cringe the 2005 movie gave you.

i would pay actual money to see these three on stream together. three new englander gamers with very little sanity left

me, seeing a controlling freak of a man but he’s a fictional character: there’s something insanely wrong with you but i’m going to study you. i am going to psychoanalyze you and shake you around like a soda can just to watch you explode. i love you because to an extent, i do understand your rage and your grief and your ghosts. i will also be the first one in line to tell you that your suffering does not make you worthy and your manipulation does not make you some genius mastermind, it just makes you sad and hollow. but i will take the time to understand you because don’t we all want to be seen

me, seeing a controlling freak of a man but he’s a real person: don’t fucking look at me don’t fucking talk to me don’t even fucking breathe in my direction

you ever have disproportionately large feelings about something that seems comparatively very small and you feel like if you don't articulate them all perfectly youll explode and die