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ikeuverse · 1 year

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little confession | haknyeon

tbz!haknyeon x fem!reader

gender: little angst, fluff, very slight suggestive at the end

warnings: mention of betrayal, fight, alcohol

wc: 3326

notes: first story with juhak, welcome! it took me a while, but i managed to finish a plot (always started, but never concluded the thought). it turned out a little longer than i thought and that's wonderful. hope you enjoy!

✧ m.list ✧

What was more cliché? Falling in love with your cousin's best friend, or falling in love with your best friend's brother? You were in both situations, of course, but trying to handle it casually is what you were doing all through university.

Haknyeon was one of Changmin's best friends, your cousin. Soon, Haknyeon was Hani's older brother, she's your best friend. Ju Haknyeon was the reason why your poor little heart was beating relentlessly.

The only cliché that poor Haknyeon didn't apply to – thankfully, in your eyes – was that he would be the coveted of the university campus. Quite the opposite. Always buried in books and spending most of your time in the library or studying in the back of the room when you went to the apartment the Ju brothers shared for the weekend. Hani was also quite studious, but how did she know that her father's company would go straight to her brother; and she wasn't that good with business either, she preferred to follow her artistic career doing fashion together with you, her best friend.

Hani's older brother had a promising future as his father's successor and CEO at a large art company as well, so Hani wanted something in the area. That way she would be close to the family, but not as the one in charge of working hard for a whole company to function. In the midst of these little studies and daydreams, Haknyeon managed to have a little fun with his friends. He didn't want to be the biggest bore in the group who only thought about studying. But it also wasn't like he was going to go out to any frat party and let any girl get into his pants. Not when his eyes were always searching for you.

The boy also felt that he was living a little cliché when he found himself completely in love with his best friend's cousin, and his sister's best friend. Haknyeon was grateful to heaven that he wasn't part of the “Hey, stay away from her” part of the movie. Or having Changmin's death glare on him when the boy approached to talk. It was as if everything was flowing so perfectly that it really had to happen. Even if he didn't know how, because at every party the two of you barely talked, since you were always taking care of a drunk Hani's shit or laughing at Changmin's stumbles who insisted on saying that he hadn't drunk anything.

“I swear, just one cup” Changmin sobbed and before trying to stand up unaided, he stumbled forward into her arms. Luckily, Haknyeon was close enough to help you balance the boy.

“A cup every five minutes?” you asked, making both guys chuckle.

“Let me take it” Haknyeon proposed.

“There's no way you're going alone, you can stay” your smooth voice amidst the screaming, loud music and totally drunk people. For a second he tuned out of everything and focused on your small smile "I don't want to take away your fun."

“Ew” Haknyeon made a face “I'd rather go with you two away.”

For a second you wanted to ignore the lurch your heart gave when he stared at you as he said that. There could be a double meaning in that sentence. No way!

Putting your cousin to bed wasn't such an effort when you had Haknyeon's help. Not even with the weight of the drunk boy refusing to lie down.

“Are you… are you two going to leave me here?” Changmin whimpered while Haknyeon held him by the torso and you removed his shirt to wear one that didn't smell of alcohol.

“No, you silly” you chuckled “We'll be waiting for you downstairs, right?” your gaze shifted from Changmin to Haknyeon.

“Of course” he smiled at you and your cousin “I won't leave until you are well.”

He thanked with a murmur, lying down soon after. Before the two of you could leave, Changmin called out to you.

“Hey Hak, take good care of y/n” eyes closed, but Changmin had his head towards the door where you and Haknyeon were “She likes you a lot.”

Motherfucker. You could smother Changmin with the pillow, maybe. It wouldn't be a bad idea. Your aunt wouldn't even blame you, you could say it was an accident…

“Idiot” you muttered as you quickly descended the stairs, taking care not to fall on any step as Haknyeon calmly descended behind you.

She likes you a lot. Changmin's words echoing through his mind. Had it been the drink or had he really been sincere? Haknyeon knew that his best friend wouldn't lie like that, even more so if it was about his cousin.

“Hey—” he wanted so badly to start this conversation, wanted so badly to ask a thousand questions to see if he reciprocated. But his cell phone rang and at the exact moment he answered. You were watching as he mumbled a few things, running his free hand through his beautiful, silky dark hair as he glared at you “Shit.”

"What there was? Is Hani okay?” was the first thing that crossed your mind, and judging by the worried expression on his face, that was it.

"Yeah. She just called me crying and told me to find her fast. I—"

“Go” you said.

“But Changmin… And you…”

“We'll be fine, Hak” his nickname said by you was so different and… Unique. Not that anyone called him that, but hearing it coming out of your mouth was like music.

“I promise to stop by later” as he was saying, the slow steps towards him seemed like they would kill you inside until he stopped right in front of you “I'll see how she is and let you know in more detail what happened.”

"Okay. Please, take care."

He nodded, moving close enough to touch his lips to your forehead.

“We finish our conversation some other time, okay?”

Oh no. You swallowed hard and only managed to wave before he hurried out of the apartment. You didn't know why you were shaking so much. By hearing news from Hani, by your cousin indirectly declaring your feelings to Haknyeon. Or that he wants to talk to you about it after feeling his lips on your forehead.

A lot for a single night. Maybe you needed to smother your face in the pillow right now.

Who never witnessed a fight at a frat party that threw the first stone. But being the reason for a fight was what made Hani's eyes red from crying.

Ending the three-year relationship had not been easy at all, even more so after discovering betrayals and lies, it made her feel completely stupid. Seeing Jihoon making out with one of the girls who claimed to be her friend… You always tried to warn her, but Hani liked to see the good in people, even if Subin wasn't as friendly with her as she imagined.

“Then Eric came to help me with that stupid and stupid scene” Hani sighed once more “He hugged me and tried to comfort me, that's when Jihoon arrived and started a fight.”

“Oh god, what an idiot” you mumbled quickly, letting your friend continue.

“But you know better, Eric wasn't alone and when I blinked, the two had grappled. Soon Hyunjae and Sunwoo arrived to help Eric, and Sangyeon's screams for the boys to stop kept echoing in my mind because it all started because of me.”

“None of that, young lady!” you scolded her "It started because Jihoon doesn't accept that you're moving on and wants you to suffer for him all the time."

“Y/n…”

“And seeing you hugging Eric made him a complete idiot because you were supposedly with someone else.”

“But me and Eric—”

“There is nothing, but they can start to have it.”

“Only when you and my brother start your romance too.”

Touché! You thought. The loud sigh betrayed that it wouldn't happen anytime soon, but not before Hani knew what had happened the night before.

And it was with the same concerned look at your friend that you told it all, not missing a single detail; even the feel of Haknyeon's lips on your forehead. It was like that whole little moment had become a whole year for you.

“Ew, you talking about my own brother like that…”

“You asked for this” your cheeks started to heat up, Hani was even going to retort to start a tease, but was interrupted by hurricane called Eric along with Haknyeon and Sunwoo.

“Hey girls” Eric greeted the two of you, shaking hands and then sitting down next to Hani.

The other two did the same, adding the fact that Haknyeon sat right next to you when he might as well have been next to his sister since she'd had such a bad experience last night.

“You're still hurt” she whined at the small bruise on Eric's face “And you too” the long sigh upon seeing Sunwoo with a cut lip “I feel guilty.”

“Don't feel” Sunwoo certified “He is much worse than all of us put together.”

“You all are a bunch of hotheads” you said simplistically “But thanks for taking care of my best friend.”

“We do this for our girls” Eric winked at you and then at Hani. No one but the Ju girl noticed the weird look on her brother face. Even more so after Eric reached out and took his hand and yours too.

“We came to see how Changmin is doing” Sunwoo asked.

“Hungover, lousy and wanting to punch Jihoon too” you said.

“Great, let’s go for a second round—”

“No” you quickly cut Eric off in his enthusiasm “Don't even think about it.”

The afternoon went on like this. Conversation being thrown out, a bit of laughter during college lunch and a sullen Haknyeon for still remembering his smile after Eric said those words.

The week went completely strange. When Haknyeon thought about talking to you about their last conversation, one of his friends always interrupted. Whether it was Eric to hug you and Hani, or one of the boys going to deliver something. One time Kevin had his arms draped over your shoulders and Hani's shoulders, blowing kisses all over your faces because you helped him with a design job. Studying fashion helped them with good designs and he needed a helping hand, yes.

The inflammation in Haknyeon's chest grew more and more. It was jealousy and he couldn't deny it, but he wouldn't say it aloud even to his sister either. Although she noticed and tried to reverse the situation, talking about Changmin's words and how Haknyeon could talk to you at any time.

He chose not to risk it. Books and studies, again, were his refuge and he didn't want to talk to you for a while. Maybe trying to forget that new and annoying feeling that was jealousy for someone who wasn't even his…

“Hak?” from the bedroom door, Hani called her brother who took his attention away from the computer in front of he to look at her “I ordered food for both of us” she smiled.

“Thanks” he nodded and turned back to his studies. It was these little dialogues that were killing Hani little by little. She knew he felt bad and was always trying to help, but now it seemed even more impossible to get Haknyeon out of his room to go out and try to interact with people.

"Is he not going to the party tonight?" Changmin took a portion of popcorn from Kevin's bowl, hearing his friend swear at him with his mouth full.

“He didn't even leave his room for breakfast” Hani pretended to cry “I'm worried.”

“Seeing Juhak in love is so weird” Kevin mumbled with some popcorn in his mouth, after chewing, he finished his line “Maybe he doesn't know how to handle it.”

"You think?" Hani asked.

“Yes, you see” he sat up straight in his chair, letting Changmin finish off the popcorn while he chatted with Hani “He never stays until the end of parties, he has rejected all the girls who approached him up until the present moment. And there was even that cute moment when the two of them took care of this drunk asshole here” he pushed Changmin away.

“Hey, because of me they awakened the feelings.”

No one there could deny that. It was because of Changmin's speech that you and Haknyeon now thought about your feelings. Even if the boy couldn't handle his jealousy bit by bit.

“He can try to deal with it somehow, but we need to give it a little push…”

“He doesn't leave the room at all” Hani put her hands on her head, slowly messing up her hair.

“Then we’ll take y/n to his room.”

"What?" Changmin almost shouted “Wait… It's okay for my cousin and your brother to be together, but… But… In his room?”

"What's the problem?" Kevin and Hani asked together.

A short break for him to finish off the last popcorn.

“It's just— Well, you know what happens with two people in a room… So…”

“Or in a party bathroom” Hani shrugged.

“In the car too, and it's one of the best places” Kevin added.

“Fuck off” Changmin yelled again. The two beside you laughing.

“It will happen anywhere, Kyu. And you have to be calm because they both like each other, and that my brother didn't fuck up the whole college for that…”

“You're right” Kevin defended “Imagine her in love with Hyunjae, for example.”

“Or worse” Hani smiled “She going out with Sunwoo…”

“For God's sake” Changmin sighed, closing his eyes “Let's get started with this plan before my mind makes me think about these disgusting possibilities of you two.”

You knew it was yet another plan by Changmin and Hani – because your cousin was a terrible keeper of secrets – you just didn't know that the main thing was to get you and Haknyeon together.

Being at the Ju brothers' house to “study” wouldn't be a bad idea since you lived doing that, but what about when that study was washed down with a few drinks and video game sessions? Few friends, if not the closest, right there. Hani was excited and chatted all the time with Kevin and Changmin who were as laughing as she was.

“And your brother” Changmin asked falsely as you approached the group “Aren't you going to leave the room?”

The trio glared at you after Hani sighed heavily.

“It's been difficult to get him out of there. I only managed to pack a few appetizers, but I forgot to pack a drink…”

“I could” Kevin said “But I need to go to the bathroom.”

“And me—”

“Okay, is your plan for me to bring Haknyeon something to drink?” Hani and Kevin quickly glanced at Changmin, who was now holding a disposable cup between his lips.

"What?" he felt Kevin slap his arm, muttering loudly then "What the… She got part of the family brain, bro."

“And you didn't say anything? Idiot” Hani snapped.

Laughing and letting them have a light fight with your cousin, you went into the kitchen for a bottle of water. Maybe it was enough since in study section Haknyeon didn't like anything alcoholic. And you sighed to remember it. Damn it, your thoughts hit you like rain as you stopped in front of his bedroom door.

Knock and then call? Or just call? Maybe burst in… But what if… What if he's asleep or in a moment he doesn't want to be interrupted?

“Damn” you thought to yourself, then did it without thinking. He knocked lightly, calling the boy's name as he slowly opened the door.

There he was. Immersed in one of the books while his eyes read the fine print without looking up to see that he had entered.

You stood there for a few seconds, enough for it to dawn on you that you were inside Ju Haknyeon's room. A sigh escaped your lips and you closed the door behind you, stepping completely inside the room.

“They said you weren’t drinking anything, so—”

The boy jumped out of his chair when he recognized your voice in there. He really hadn't heard you come in, even more so now seeing you close enough to notice; you were even more beautiful. Casual clothes, a shy smile painting your lips reddened, perhaps because of the drink you had ingested. Or biting so nervously, but nobody needed to know that.

“Okay, yeah… Thanks” he tried to smile, knowing it had come out more like a grimace.

Haknyeon got up from his chair to walk over to you, reaching out to take your water bottle and thank you once more. As soon as he turned to go back to his study table, you snorted.

“God, why are you such an idiot?”

"Sorry, what?" he turned back to you, the creases on his forehead forming from arching his eyebrows high enough.

“I'm right here, Haknyeon. I—"

"The room is full, and they're probably looking for you."

The indifference in his tone hurt a little, but remembering Hani's words that her brother had never experienced this, you tried to focus. He sat back down in the chair, continuing to face you this time.

Maybe waiting for an answer from you, or some curse… Haknyeon's chest burned with anxiety as he tried to guess your next steps. He just hadn't counted on your path to him bathed in fury and, yes, passion.

He was taken aback when you snuggled between his legs and, taking advantage of being at a considerable height with him sitting and you standing in front of him, your hands quickly went to his soft face.

“But I was looking for you” you whispered close enough to feel his breath catch for a few seconds. Upon releasing, Haknyeon swore his cheeks burned.

Unable to say anything, his hands gripped your waist before crashing their lips onto his. An urgent kiss, but gentle since he wanted to feel every movement of your lips and tongue. He wanted to convey what he was feeling there and perhaps with a silent apology to you.

After kissing for a while, the urge for oxygen made the two of you stop for a while. But without letting go of each other, his hands still on your waist and you gently holding his face between your hands.

“I wanted to tell you so much. I—” Haknyeon closed his eyes, kissing your lips one more time before continuing, “I'm sorry, y/n. This is so pathetically new to me.”

“It's okay” you smiled against his lips “We can experience this new feeling together.”

"Oh yeah. Minus the jealousy, right?”

“Awn, were you jealous of me?” Haknyeon's small confession made him snort, then pull you onto his lap as he heard your thin squeal of laughter follow.

“I have a lot of feelings for you” he confessed, caressing your waist after you settled in his lap “And I'm in no rush to experience them all.”

“Make yourself comfortable, Mr. Ju.”

“Oh, sure” his hands roamed under your shirt, touching the warm skin of your belly. You curled up in his lap, kissing those soft lips that, before on your forehead were magic, along with his mouth was something beyond that.

You didn't imagine hearing statements from Haknyeon and that he was really in love with you from the first time he saw you. You also didn't imagine ending up in his bed that night, listening to Hani cheer in the other room since you hadn't left since you went to get her brother water.

“I officially have a sister-in-law and best friend” she crooned that morning, like a good morning alarm clock. While you and Haknyeon laughed, feeling the boy snuggle your body even closer to his bare chest.

#haknyeon au #tbz au #haknyeon angst #tbz angst #ju haknyeon au #juhak au #the boyz angst #haknyeon fluff #tbz fluff #the boyz fluff #juhaknyeon au #haknyeon x reader #tbz x reader #haknyeon headcanons #the boyz headcanons #haknyeon scenarios #the boyz scenarios

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haklcv · 1 year

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head in the game.

SYNOPSIS. basketball. the game is enough to make anyone stay. clean shots, rubber shoes against the court, adrenaline pumping through everyone's veins. but what seemed to spark y/n's attention the most, was not the sport itself, but rather, those who played it. MEMBERS. jacob, hyunjae, juyeon, haknyeon, eric (fem!reader) AUTHOR’S NOTE. heeeeeeeey here’s a tbz college sports au series bcs i’m obsessed with college sports aus. this was originally supposed to be soccer so i could make one for all 11 members but i’m just absolutely too dumb to make 11 consecutive plots for that and all my soccer knowledge went down the drain so these 5 and basketball will have to do. this was also such a spur of the moment thing but i need something to get my mind off of the craziness of life and so i decided on tbz <3 IMPORTANT. all the following stories have nothing to do with each other apart from having similar settings and the like. ultimately, you guys get to decide who you end up with by the end after reading each one!

p.s. might throw in a few references here and there to the other fics in the series but again, ultimately, all 5 fics have nothing to do with each other and don’t clash in any way shape or form.

achilles heel | jacob x not a nurse nurse!reader

SYNOPSIS. as a member assigned to the mobile clinic during the university's sports games, getting players in there isn't really a good thing to see. sure, y/n had her fair share of twisted ankles and cut faces but they were never seen in there again. that is until a certain #30 starts consistently showing up at the clinic in between every basketball game.

shoot your shot | juyeon x broken-hearted!reader

SYNOPSIS. y/n just got out of a breakup and decided to do the stupidest move anyone can do when they just get out of a relationship: go to their older brother for comfort. stupid how? well, it's simple. when all y/n wanted was a daily supply of ice cream and hugs until she got better, she instead got #11 in front of her with a basketball in his hand, ready to teach her how to shoot.

angel’s door | haknyeon x girl next door!reader

SYNOPSIS. y/n thought getting her younger sister a basketball for her birthday would finally shut her up about wanting to learn the sport. and it did, until her parents decided to suggest the brilliant idea of befriending the quote “nice young man next door” to teach her younger sister. lo and behold, this “nice young man next door” just so happens to be #09 on their university's basketball team. and after a while, y/n seems to have gotten pretty used to knocking on his door.

freshie | eric x student manager!reader

SYNOPSIS. another year, more memories with the team. y/n was one of the current student managers of the university's basketball team and has been with the them for 2 years now. she knew how everyone played and she knew each member by heart. except for one. apparently, the guys got a new teammate. and boy, was y/n about to know #22 by heart.

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strayed-quokka · 2 years

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the boyz || masterlist

welcome to my The Boyz masterlist!

i write a lot of NC-17 work with some very dark themes so please do not interact with these if you’re a minor or if any of the warnings could potentially trigger you.

i write female reader inserts and may sometimes use description that is more reflective of specific experiences that i know or am familiar with regardless of if it’s a reader insert or not no one wants my oc’s /j because that’s who i am myself as the writer and it’s a very subconscious thing when writing my work with my ideas and stories and events taken from my life. i try not to put certain description indicating certain character traits (unless it’s specific to the story), but sometimes it might end up happening. if you aren’t okay with that, that’s more than okay! you don’t have to interact with it, but please be aware of this as i primarily write for myself and it’s a choice for me to put it on here for fun, let me indulge in my little space. i know not all that i write is for everyone, or everyone’s cup of tea some kinks but i wanted to have a little disclaimer about it, because i write for myself first.

this is also all my own work so please do not translate it, repost or copy my work under the pretence that it is yours. i work really hard on these and take stealing work very seriously. the banners were made by my friend @sarawatsaraleo so thank you for them, they look amazing!

nothing yet

valentine’s win

↳ it’s valentine’s day, and chanhee, your boyfriend, refuses to admit defeat when he wants to win you a (not so little) prize.

|| pg-13 || established relationship || drabble || ✓

sex is overrated

↳ you knew what you liked in the bedroom but men never seemed to take a hint. maybe it was your fault. or maybe they were just really fucking vanilla. nevertheless, your best friend is determined to prove to you that he knows exactly how to make a girl come, and you're no exception.

|| nc-17 || best friends to lovers, ruin the friendship, smut, porn with some plot, a little fluff || oneshot || ✓

lifeblood

↳ your blood was sweet, you were sweet, and changmin is addicted.

|| nc-17 || supernatural, porn without plot, smut, vampires || oneshot || ✓

nothing yet

lacking in subtlety

↳ it was a bad idea to like your brother’s best friend. it was an even worse idea to let him into your room when your brother was one door down.

|| nc-17 || brother’s best friend, smut, porn some plot, open ended || oneshot || ✓

the truth untold

↳ coming soon

|| nc-17 || angst, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, slowburn, happy ending, smut || oneshot ||

nothing yet

#tbz masterlist #the boyz smut #the boyz #tbz x reader #eric x reader #sunwoo x reader #juhaknyeon x reader #changmin x reader #chanhee x reader #kevin x reader #juyeon x reader #hyunjae x reader #younghoon x reader #jacob x reader #sangyeon x reader #smut #fluff #angst #minors dni

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ericshoney · 1 year

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Let’s Play Masterlist

Warnings: mature themes, language and actions, swearing, violence, blood, gore, character death, manipulation/manipulative and possessive behaviour, suggestive themes, angst, smut.

Chapter one

Chapter two

Chapter three

Chapter four

Chapter five

Chapter six

Chapter seven

Chapter eight

Chapter nine

Chapter ten

Chapter eleven

Chapter twelve

Chapter thirteen

Chapter fourteen

Chapter fifteen

Chapter sixteen

Chapter seventeen

Chapter eighteen

Chapter nineteen

Chapter twenty (Smut)

Chapter twenty-one

Chapter twenty-two

Chapter twenty-three

Chapter twenty-four

Chapter twenty-five (smut)

Chapter twenty-six (end)

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snuhee · 2 years

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all yours ꕀ ju haknyeon

genre: fluff / wc: 0.4k / female reader + use of the pet name babe!

the weather was absolutely perfect. the right amount of warmth and a cool breeze. seeing as the moon doesn't rise until late at night, you had the brilliant idea to go to the beach. haknyeon immediately agreed and picked you up in his car. as you were halfway to your destination, you and haknyeon’s stomach grumbled in unison. both of you started dying of laughter.

“wanna pick up some food first?” haknyeon let out a small chuckle.

“yes please,” you responded in delight.

“a fast food place in mind?” haknyeon questioned.

you were craving inn & out. his attention to your mind allowed him to read what you were thinking, and that's how you knew he was your soulmate.

“inn & out it is.” haknyeon started the engine and put his hands on the wheel.

“this is why i love you.” you chimed.

“i love you too.” haknyeon rolled his eyes but then proceeded to hold your hand the whole ride to the drive-through.

about 30 minutes later after ordering food, haknyeon found a cliff coast that was the perfect spot to see the ocean. definitely better than just sitting at the beach itself. haknyeon then popped open the back truck. in the middle between you and haknyeon, you prepared the food on the edge of the trunk. with food on the side and your boyfriend right next to you, everything felt like home.

“oh babe i just remembered, someone from high school recognized me today. they kept telling me a lot of girls had a crush on me. even some guys.” haknyeon let out an airy laugh as if he had no clue about it.

“well of course babe. you were mr. popular,” you informed him. “i had a lot of competition just to have you. it wasn’t easy.”

haknyeon was dumbfounded but was quick to defend himself. “you were also every guy’s crush. i was the lucky one who got to date you.” he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“i mean we both won prom queen and king. everybody knew i was yours at that point.” you laid your head onto his shoulder.

“it was fun to see all their faces as they found out we were dating. i couldn’t believe i was dating the prettiest girl at school.” haknyeon reminisced.

“hey! how about now.” you pouted.

“you’re the prettiest girl in the whole world.” he squished your cheeks.

“oh, my little high school sweetheart.” you turned your head, keeping your chin on his shoulder, looking up at your fiance. he was still the same boy you fell in love with back in high school but now he was yours forever.

a/n: thinking of the dialog was a little bit difficult but i pushed through >_< i hope the anon who requested this enjoys this fic :,)

@snuhee's please do not steal or copy 2022

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machatheo · 2 years

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hi~ can I request for a the boyz reaction when their girlfriend's personality is the complete opposite of theirs? I hope you have a great day! <3

hi! sorry this took so long to reply to ;-; had a bit of a writers block ;-; not sure if i wrote this how you wanted since i based this mostly on their mbti types, if so, sorry about that!

🎐 sangyeon:

sangyeon tends to think positively and dislikes negativity, thus avoiding any gloomy situations around him. he likes to put himself in the center of attention and radiate a ‘big brother’ energy. when you start dating sangyeon, it’s like a new world opens up to you. being a person who sees most of the things in a pessimistic light, you always wonder how someone like sangyeon managed to fall in love with you. however, sangyeon is great at showing you exactly why, taking you on dates every week and making you fall in love with him even more. because of him you start seeing the world in a different light and he truly makes you feel like a better person.

🎏 jacob:

jacob tends to be on a more quieter side and always keeps his thoughts/feelings bottled up inside. so he’s very fascinated whenever he sees you freely talk with anyone that’s not relatively close to you. he loves listening to your daily talks about little things or basically anything that happened throughout your day and it puts him at peace. he doesn’t feel the need to socialize with other people when he has you around since you enlighten him with everything.

🪸 younghoon:

younghoon tends to get jealous over anything even remotely small. because of that, he also tends to get a bit overprotective over you and whatever you do, even managing to scare some people away. this happens a lot since you like the attention and gravitate towards it. it does get a bit exhausting to you, having to explain to him that he’s the only one you love, but you also try to understand him. you both do have a lot of talks over this which makes it a tad easier to approach.

🎐 hyunjae:

hyunjae is very straightforward and tends to tell anyone how it is, wether it’s good or bad. however, if it’s you, hyunjae tends to go softer with his words or actions just to show how much he loves you. but he does get annoyed when you don’t tell him what’s wrong when something’s bothering you since you usually tend to go over things rather than saying it how it is. you do, however, have a few misunderstandings over this because hyunjae just can’t understand why is it so hard for you to express your thoughts. but overtime both of you still make it work.

🎏 juyeon:

juyeon really enjoys being around other people and can smoothly get into any conversation but he never fails to leave you out of it. usually snaking his arm around your waist and encouraging you to spark a conversation yourself. you love that he’s that attentive to your quieter self but you being a person that needs to charge your social battery every now and then, you quite often need to get away from the crowds and have some alone time. juyeon understands that and mostly always prefers to spend his time with you than others.

🪸 kevin:

kevin is like an open book, you will practically know most of him after a first meeting. he likes to talk a lot and share a bunch of unnecessary facts about himself while you, on the other hand, like to keep to yourself, wary of other people’s opinions. so it takes kevin awhile to completely open you up, but he really puts time into it and doesn’t press you over it. kevin honestly loves learning something new about you every day and it makes him feel very soft and giddy.

🎐new / chanhee:

chanhee gets sensitive over small things so you have to be extra attentive on whatever you do so you don’t accidentally push him away. you tend to do things without a second thought which sometimes don’t go unnoticed for chanhee. he is also someone who’s very hard to read so you have to spend some extra time to get to know him more and grow closer overtime.

🎏 q / changmin:

changmin is heavily focused on the present and likes to live in the moment. he is determined to show his best but fails to hide the fact that he sometimes goes too hard on himself. this is where you come in - you’re great at calming him down and be a shoulder to cry on when changmin’s going through a difficult day. changmin also likes to entertain those around him and joke a lot so he easily gets your happiness level up.

🪸 juhaknyeon:

juhaknyeon has a lot of confidence and is very energetic which leads him to truly believe in himself and his abilities. when he meets you, he’s afraid of scaring you away since you’re timid, so he presents himself as someone who’s very caring and soft with his words. of course, you don’t want him to fully hide his true personality so you willingly push him to open up more and also collectively try to become more confident in yourself. honestly, the more you date, the more alike you become.

🎐 sunwoo:

sunwoo is competitive and would always try to be first in whatever he’s doing. sometimes he tends to get too over the top which unfortunately makes you feel like you’re not doing enough. however sunwoo cares about you deeply and is really attentive so you’re not left with those feelings for too long. rather than being competitive, you mostly tend to stick to yourself and focus on one thing at the time, which where your personalities tend to clash a bit but you both make it work.

🎏 eric:

eric is someone who’s really lively and outgoing, which is perfect since you’re like that too. but you get separated by the line where eric tends to be sensitive to stuff and you don’t. eric worries a lot and overthinks every little detail, which makes him take a double take over anything he does. he’s glad that he has someone like you, who can give him some kind of comfort and encourage his actions till he believes in himself even more over time.

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cloverdaisies · 5 months

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⋆⁺.CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ︶꒷꒦︶ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

⋆⁺. ︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶ ₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

➸ ⋆⁺. [⛸️] description: the city was lonely, as they say home is where the heart is. as you return to see your childhood friends for the annual christmas get together, old faces resurface unhealed wounds that you wish you could rewind. ₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

➸ ⋆⁺. member: juyeon x you

➸ ⋆⁺. genre: angst to fluff

➸ ⋆⁺. word count: 2k+

the moors were covered in a glistening blanket of the whitest snow, the sky overcast with a light grey hue whilst the trees lonely and desolate of leaves hung themselves over the landscape perfectly.

you were nervous, a slight shake in your hands as the cars heating blasted warm air into the passenger seat, driving to the cabin bar where your old friends had organised the yearly christmas get together.

you’d moved away to the city after the last christmas, leaving your small countryside village behind - unwilling to settle for a manual labor job and stay in the country forever. you prioritised your ambition and career over a humble life readily paved out for you.

however, admittedly you’d missed the village, the city was nothing in comparison, the sense of community you’d lost, the friends you’d left behind, life wasn’t the same without them.

or should you say… him.

“we’re here, ma’am.” the taxi driver that had drove you all these miles announced, you gave him a smile and your thanks before telling him to have a lovely christmas as he drove off into the distance of the high street, strung with christmas lights and foliage.

the small pub where you’d grew up was bustling with laughter and joy, the faint melody of “fairytale of new york” by the pogues leaking from the wooden doors.

“y/n!” you heard someone yell your name, a joyful juhaknyeon running out the doors of the pub with a cigarette settled above his ear like a ballpoint pen. he was wearing the flat cap you’d bought him as a joke last christmas, his pint of guinness spilling from the sides clumsily as he was so excited to see you.

“haknyeon!” you exclaimed, running to give him a hug and took in the scent of his familiar cologne, mixed with a strong scent of booze. “i’ve missed you so much!”

“you’ve missed us? we thought you’d forgotten all about us!” he laughed jokingly hitting you on the back, as he walked you into the bar where all your other friends were sat around a large booth towards the back.

you’d greeted everyone with a smile, reuniting with kevin and jacob asking you all about your city life and the things you’d gotten up to since you’d left. the bar was full of old regulars, the floors were carpeted in the same shade of red with gold accents highlighting the room.

“yeah, it’s been a pretty busy year for me.” you laughed, unable to focus on the conversation. you looked around the pub, checked the bar, but he was nowhere to be found.

“you’re looking for him, aren’t you?” hyunjae asked, sat next to you with his new wife chatting away to another one of the boys’ girlfriends eagerly.

“yeah.” you sighed, feeling let down that he hadn’t shown up, which considering how you’d left things last year you weren’t surprised.

“don’t get too down about it yet, he’s missed you, i’m sure he’ll make an appearance at some point.” hyunjae smiled with reassurance, taking a short sip of his pint before chipping into the conversation his wife was having.

“how’s the electrics company going?” you asked haknyeon, taking your mind off the entire thing as he smiled and began trailing off about all of his work dramas.

⋆⁺. ︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶ ₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

it’d been 3 hours of chatting, catching up and laughter, however he still hadn’t shown up. the afternoon was soon turning evening, despite your belief in your ability to conceal your emotions, everyone noticed your solemn undertones - understanding why you weren’t in the greatest mood, considering the events of last christmas.

⋆⁺. ︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶ ₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

🎄🕰️: 25TH OF DECEMBER: LAST YEAR

christmas day was coming to a close, you still hadn’t broke it to him yet, the love of your life, that you were leaving the village in the beginning of january.

the boy who’s name was juyeon did everything a boyfriend usually would for you, you were in love in such a way that words couldn’t describe. he was a bricklayer in the town, living his life humbly hoping to give you the best life he could.

on the evening of christmas day, you’d been sat watching christmas films with him sat in his arms guiltily revising the city job offer you’d received just 3 days prior.

“y/n?” the boy next to you hummed “i have to tell you something.”

you looked up at his deep brown eyes with guilt, his white sweater complimenting his gold wristwatch and necklace.

“i have to tell you something too.” you replied exhaling a deep breath, his expression looking at you with so much love you’d almost choked on your words.

“you go first.” his hand gently brushing your spine, running up to your shoulder as you gulped nervously.

“i’ve been offered a job in the city.” you concisely formed the sentence, breaking the news off from your guilt heavy conscience.

“what?- you’re leaving?” his expression changed to an unclear frown, his eyes confused and almost hurt with the sudden news. “what about us?”

“i don’t know juyeon, but it’s an offer i can’t refuse.” you tried to explain your decision and at heart he already knew it was the best decision for you.

“it’s okay. just know if you ever want to come back and live here. I’m here for you.” he sighed, giving you a tight hug, his eyes glancing down to his pockets.

little did you know, there was another offer you wouldn’t have refused lying in there next to his car keys. a small crushed velvet box with a diamond ring, one he could never gift to you - since you were leaving for good. the crumpled speech he’d revised would later be littered with tear drops, his life crumbling apart.

🎄🕰️BACK TO PRESENT DAY

⋆⁺. ︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶ ₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

you got up to go get another drink from the bar, ordering a beverage to settle the nerves that tangled like knots in your stomach. the feeling of emptiness opening like a dark void in your conscience.

the pub doors opened, a familiar tall figure in a black trench coat stepping inside, the scent of a fresh cigarette lingering in the air, immediately turning your head to the scent of old spice and home.

he’d made it, his jet black hair, beautiful brown eyes all stood before you as he wiped his boots on the welcome matt, his jacket catching flakes of fallen snow.

your heart either shattered, or put itself back together - you couldn’t tell which as it was such an unclear feeling of overwhelming nature you’d never felt before.

he locked eyes with you, just for a few seconds as if he considered saying hello or running back out the door. taking hesitant steps towards the bar where you were.

“it’s lovely to see you again.” juyeon smiled slightly, battling internalised emotions he’d tried to avoid. leaning over the bar and avoiding the contact of your eyes which looked up at his face brightly.

“same goes for you. how have you been?” the confidence you’d tried to assert on your voice leaving only above a whisper.

“i can’t say i’ve been great.” he chuckled in an almost bittersweet way, running his fingers through his neatly styled hair with a sigh.

“that’s not good, i’m sure things will be better for you next year, at least i hope.” you tried to think of a kind response, instead probably coming across as the most patronising piece of shit in the process.

“i hope so too.” he smiled, as you collected your drink and turned around to see every single pair of your friends eyes gawking at the situation.

“can you guys make yourselves any more obvious?” you laughed placing your drink on the table in embarrassment and sitting back down next to hyunjae.

juyeon soon came to sit beside you, the group greeting him briefly and apologising for his lateness. he had work that day, you didn’t know how you’d forgotten being so caught up in your selfish little world.

“how is work?” you asked nervously as conversations resumed around you, the tension between the two of you building intensely.

“i got promoted to site manager.” he smiled, as you congratulating him with a laugh knowing how much he’d wanted to get that position.

“how’s the city?” he scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his you’d picked up after years of knowing him.

“to be honest? not great. i miss home, i don't really have anyone there." you took a sip of your drink, eyes remaining on the polished wooden table with regret.

“well like i said you’re always welcome to come back.” he grumbled, looking around to everyone else’s conversations at the table, his eyes wandering to the christmas tree in the corner - coated in a thick gold tinsel with baubles strung messily across the tree.

“SPEECH. SPEECH. SPEECH.” The boys began chanting all of a sudden, taunting Sangyeon who appeared to be a little more tipsy than the rest his ears tinting a light a pink as he took a sip of his lager.

“Okay. Okay.” He calmed down their excitement before standing up in front of the the large table with his drink in hand. “First of all, I’d like to thank you all for coming this year and I think it’s important to address everyone’s hard work this year. I would like to thank Haknyeon for his persistence to plan this, I know we only all see each other driving past on our jobs but it’s refreshing to see you all face to face. Y/n thank you for travelling so far to see us, although things are different since you’ve been here last. It’s lovely to have everyone together. To a good christmas.” He raised his pint in the air as the boys howled in cheer, taking a sip and sitting back down in his place at the table.

“Thanks, Sangyeon. That was great.” You looked at the man across the table with a genuine smile, his gaze glancing between you and Juyeon before he returned the smile with ruddy cheeks.

As you began catching up with Younghoon, he seemed to bring up how he’d recently done a job for your parents, reinstalling their bathroom. The sound of their names resurfacing the guilt for leaving them.

“You sound like you need to come home.” Younghoon stated as he spotted tears welling at your waterline, quickly moving your hand to dab them away. You felt a hand gently touch your leg, containing yourself from jolting backwards in shock, you discreetly looked down to find Juyeon’s hand gently caressing your leg - something he used to do a lot to calm you down in public if you felt a bit nervous.

“I probably do.” You giggled slightly, a nervous hiccup triggering a laugh of adoration from Juyeon.

“Do it. Come home, I need a copywriter for my company.” Haknyeon looked across the table genuinely, turning heads with the statement.

“Really?” You looked at your phone slightly, (25) missed calls from your boss glowing on the screen since he’d been trying to call you in.

“Of course.” He laughed jovially in reply, sliding his phone across the pub table to show you the post for a copywriter he’d listed on a job site. “The pay probably isn’t as much as you currently make, but it might mean you get to come home and when my company expands I’m sure that will change.”

You smiled at Haknyeon, considering the post in your head. Did you really want to come home? Would you be really losing that much money with the prices of living in the city?

“Honestly-” The bell for last drinks at the bar sounded, as the boys cheered it was time for home, the bar soon closing. Everyone got up to leave, saying their goodbyes with hugs and words of sentiment for each other.

“Well, until next year.” Juyeon laughed, bittersweetly walking you out to the the sheltered entrance where the cab that would soon drive you back to city was parked it’s engine growling, it’s lights brightly shining on to the cobbled high streets.

“I don’t think.. I want to leave.” You felt your eyes beginning to water again, the thought of going back to the loneliness of the city taunting you at the back of your mind.

“Then stay. There’s a job here for you-” Juyeon erratically told you, the cigarette he’d freshly lit falling to to his sides with his arms.

“It’s not that, Juyeon. I got such an amazing opportunity in the city-” You began to argue, thinking of how amazing the job offer was in the city, installed with the false hope of climbing up the ladder and becoming an important figure to a significant company.

“But you heart is here. You want home, you know you do. So don’t waste that opportunity to be here again. Don’t walk out on me again.” He begged you, a strand of his jet black hair falling in front of his face, his eyes sparkling down on you with diamonds of hope glistening in his irises.

“I love you. I still do.” He suddenly came out with the statement, stunning your speech, knowing at heart he wasn’t trying to sabotage your career he just wanted your happiness; he wanted you back.

The mistletoe hung above you ironically, snow beginning to fall lightly the temperature dropping, however the feeling of warmth and comfort keeping you cozy in the small entrance way to the pub. Juyeon looked up to observe the plant hanging above you, before leaning in to touch his lips to yours, sealing a kiss that asserted so much passion almost his final beg to get you back.

As you parted, his hand resting against your cheek, you quickly broke and began sprinting towards the cab looking back at him, he stared in shock and defeat as he saw you looking back with watery tears.

“I’m going back to get my stuff.” You yelled to him, ready to return to the city and bring your things back to the place you belonged. He dashed over to you in the snow, immediately dropping the burning cigarette in his hand to embrace you in the tightest hug he’d ever given you.

“Keep the bed warm for me in the morning.” You laughed, causing him to smile, a singular tear of vulnerability falling down his cheek as he looked down at you with amounts of love you’ve never felt before.

“I will. I’ll start putting the christmas tree up too, ready for you.” He joked back, the smile on his face shining as if he’d never smiled since you were last with him. You quickly jumped to give him a final kiss, a fire relighting in your stomach as if it was the best feeling in the world.

“See you soon.” He opened the cab door for you, closing it as you got in safely, not forgetting to give you a peck on the cheek before gently closing the door.

As the snow fell across the village and street lamps lit up the small high-street stores you grew up around, an onlooker smiled in his flat cap having watched the whole scene with his cigarette and guinness in hand. His plan to bring everything back together had worked and would be reveal it to anyone? Of course not. Haknyeon chuckled, drinking the last of his pint before walking to Juyeon, the two walking the high street home laughing and joking as if everything had never changed.

⋆⁺. ︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶ ₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆𐙚

a/n: hi daisies! i’m yet to proofread this so cut me slack for any grammatical errors. this took me so long and i hope you love this little world as much as i do. merry christmas 🤍

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leejynz · 1 year

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the boyz reaction - you flinching at them | fluff! angst!

*note this is all fictional and just based off of my opinion of the boyz js for fun*

sangyeon

he pauses for a moment and gets caught off guard that he yelled at you too loudly without realizing

he hugs you instantly, putting his left arm above your head

“wait. wait. wait. i’m sorry, did i just do that? im so sorry i didn’t realize how harsh i sounded”

jacob

both of you were arguing about how you weren’t taking care yourself mentally but you didn’t want jacob’s help and he yelled at you

he never acted like this so you got scared and you instantly closed your eyes and your arms covered you

you didn’t hear anything for a few seconds until jacob gently put your arms down and softly stared at you. he hugged you without saying anything

younghoon

you’ve both argued abt small things before but this time he exploded his anger for the first time and you flinched when he yelled at you

“no no no i’m sorry this wasn’t supposed to happen. i’m sorry i’m sorry.”

he quickly walked to you and hugged you while being wrapped around in his arms. he doesn’t say anything but you felt his tears on your shoulder

hyunjae

he had a bad day at work and you asked him for a favor but he starts cursing and yelling aggressively, coming towards you

you’re in a state of sudden shock and fear and you didn’t even notice that you unintentionally flinched

hyunjae’s eyes start softening and he sighed, going to his room. you slightly open the door and see him crying in the corner. you both hug each other and talked it out

juyeon

you were arguing abt smt stupid and he progressively increased his voice without realizing it

it wasn’t very noticeable but you flinched your eyes and scrunched up your shoulders but juyeon noticed it

“hey hey wait i’m sorry, are you okay? ah~ i didn’t even realize i was being so aggressive i’m sorry…”

kevin

kevin would get mad a lot but this time it was genuine. “are you kidding me right now? do you think i’m joking? seriously?”

he kept cutting off your words and his facial expressions got worse and his yells shook the walls

you fall down and start sobbing. he suddenly changed and instantly regret what he did, he starts to cry with you. “sorry i’m so sorry are you okay?”

chanhee

he starts blaming you for forgetting to remind him of something important

you start panicking and feeling bad for chanhee and when he yelled at you, you instantly squint your teary blurry eyes

he stops everything and just stares at you, you could tell he was still angry but he locked hands. “i’m sorry for being too aggressive but make sure this doesn’t happen again, okay?”

changmin

he’s gotten mad like this before but the look in his eyes tells you this was something different, his eyes sharpened and he threw a book on the floor out of anger

you’re speechless and have no words until changmin came closer towards you and you backed away from him

his eyes softened and he rubbed his eyes, he looked sad so you gave him a hug instead and he started crying when you hugged

juhaknyeon

he threw everything that got in his way, a pillow slammed onto the ground, he aggressively threw the remote onto the couch and you started worrying

he comes toward you silently and stares at you. you take one step back and he looks confused. you both lock eyes for a straight ten seconds

he sighs but then hugs you in his arms. “let’s talk about this later, let’s just not worry about anything right now”

sunwoo

he was angry at himself for making a mistake on stage. and he felt even worse bc he noticed you cleaned the house after he made an entire mess the other day

hes been silent ever since he came home. but he quickly ran towards you to ask you to go eat outside with him but you flinch a little

he looks shocked and you start laughing and telling him you were just kidding. “hey~~ that wasn’t funny at all”

eric

opposite to sunwoo, you had an argument about how eric had to keep cleaning your mess everyday around the house and you both kept going on and on about your argument

he starts getting yelling and getting frustrated, he looked intimidating. your heart starts beating really hard due to your guilt and sorry for him. he just death stares at you silently

when he walked towards you, your eyes flinch and he noticed this. he got even more angry but felt like you needed comfort. he sighed “okay but youre going to have clean up after yourself”

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zzoguri · 7 months

Text

of guitar strings and peeled tangerines (i'll bruise my fingers just for you) ➵ masterlist

non-idol!jacob bae x reader, slight non-idol!ji changmin x reader

when you are unable to continue living in the city, you are forced to move back to the small provincial town you begged to stay away from. but when you come face-to-face with the reliable village co-chief, jacob bae, you learn that your stay won’t be so pleasant after all.

general genre/warnings ➵ childhood friends to strangers to lovers, slow burn, slice of life, angst, but also fluff!, afab reader (they/them pronouns), hurt/comfort, a lot of flashbacks, being lost (and trying to figure things out) in your late 20s, a lot of trauma that stem from mommy issues, themes of grief, forgiveness, and pressure to succeed, jacob writes songs to reader and reader peels tangerines for jacob (hence the title), juhaknyeon has witnessed your relationship with jacob from blossoming to downfall to reigniting stages, ji changmin is the second lead (i am so sorry), taking care of jacob because he gets sick :’), you and jacob end up working at your father's restaurant together!!, your dad has a lot of regret & wants to take care of you to make up for both his and your mom's mistakes, kissing, cuddling, suggestive themes

word count for official parts ➵ projected to be 40-60k words (oops? lets see if i stick with it)

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @vernyangel @mosviqu @tbzhub

playlist ➵ dreams, books, power and walls by jannabi // slow down by laufey // for lovers by lamp // dried flower by wave to earth // behind the moon shadow by lamp // i'm your man by mitski // my mother and i by lucy dacus // what used to be mine by faye webster // hagupit by ichiko aoba // kodoku by mei semones // matilda by harry styles // when you love someone by day6 // francis forever by mitski // right side of my neck by faye webster // nan chun by se so neon // kind of (type of way) by faye webster // regent's park by bruno major // dreams (demo) by grentperez // let you break my heart again by laufey // class of 2013 by mitski // happiness by taylor swift // clementine by grentperez // in a good way by faye webster // absence of you by grentperez // ripples by beabadoobee // araw-araw by ben&ben // sweet decay by chasu // sunny days by wave to earth // glue song by beabadoobee

a/n ➵ finally introducing the one work i've been very excited to release!!! this idea has been sitting with me even before i wrote “of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going)” :OO i hope you come along with me in this journey!! i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to reblog this!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

official parts ➵ one

when you are unable to continue staying in the city, you are forced to move back to the small provincial town you begged to stay away from. but when you come face-to-face with the reliable village co-chief, jacob bae, you learn that your stay won’t be so pleasant after all.

➵ two (coming late january-early february)

jacob makes it clear that he wants nothing with you anymore. after that argument, you share the sentiments. but would peeled tangerines make him hear you out?

➵ three (coming late march-mid april)

you've finally come to terms that the corporate life isn't for you. with that, you decide to work part-time in your dad's restaurant. now, there's no way to escape jacob—and absolutely no way to escape rekindled feelings.

➵ four (coming early may-mid june)

as you take a trip to the outskirts of town, you have to come face-to-face with everything you've kept buried the past years. and although it may be scary, you're glad that you're coming to terms with them—all thanks to time and your best friend.

drabbles/oneshots

coming soon...

note that number of chapters, titles, release dates, and and synopses are subject to change

#zzoguri works #deoboyznet #kflixnet #bjnet #k-labels #the boyz #jacob bae #the boyz x reader #jacob bae x reader #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #jacob bae angst #jacob bae fluff #of guitar strings and peeled tangerines (i’ll bruise my fingers just for you)

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haet-sal · 1 year

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Hug in A Letter // juhaknyeon x reader

Told in a series of letters. Haknyeon never thought he’d find the person that’s the sole reason he’s alive again, or that his life would continue… and yet, now he’s in university doing both those things.

Tags: ANGST, haknyeon x reader, FLUFF, lover from the past/meant to be type of romance, cold!reader, shy!hak

Warnings: scars on wrists and arms (cause unexplained), bullying, Y/n is a rigid bitch, miscommunication, love triangle but not really

W.c.:8.8k💗💞💗💗💞

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Y/n,

You probably don’t remember me, huh?

That’s a weird way to start a letter.

Why am I weird about this? It’s not like you’d ever read it…

Sorry, I’m not a letter guy. But I just had to talk to you and if it is in the form of unread ink then let it be. I just…

I never thought I’d see you again.

Really. You were an angel that appeared to me that winter day, purer than the snow around me, even when that dirty maroon blood was tainting it: you wiped the blood off my lips with the back of your hand, and when it stained your skin, I pulled away you said:

It’ll be okay.

That’s what you said.

Today you were with your friends when I saw you. We’re in the same year. Of course we’re in the same year. It’s not news to me. It’s just…

You joined the photography club. I realized it when you were behind me, signing up for the same thing. You wrote your name under mine, and for a minute I just gawked, before I told myself to keep walking. I don’t want you to hate me.

My father’s been telling me I need to socialize like a real college student, that if I keep acting like a loser that’s all I’ll ever be. He says I should stop acting so haunted by the past, because nothing can hurt me now, but I always feel like I’m still in that snow. Not that I’m doing this for him. I’m not even doing it to see you—I know you would never like me, of course I do. I’m just… Photography sounds fun. It’s something I used to enjoy, before I became The Monster That Fails to Enjoy Anything.

Legitimate title. My sister made it up on our family vacation.

I’m still recoiling from the whiplash of having you stand there, right in front of me, or well, behind me once I turned around, anyway.

I must have turned around with my head down for a long time, because when I looked up you were walking with your friend, ahead of me.

Already people were whispering things about you, things I knew and didn’t know, like: you’ve spent a good chunk of your life overseas (knew that), your brother Younghoon is a model (knew that), your family’s famous (which I knew, more or less).

The Photography club wanted to initiate us this very night, and just before I got into the hall they rented for this, I kind of wanted to back out. Just walk backwards, say sorry, no one would miss me anyway. I wanted to see you, y/n, but also… I didn’t…

I was just scared. You’d think I’d get over all these fears after everything that happened, but really I just became more and more of a clockwork robot broken by anxiety.

One of the initial seniors from the photography club convinced me to go.

“N-no,” I said, “I’m okay.” These days my voice doesn’t reach as loud, but I hoped it was loud enough to hear—only, of course, he doesn’t care what I want.

“Come on!” His name was Jaehyun. “It’s more fun the more people we have, you’ll have fun.” I guess I got the better end of it, because the female members he recruited and persuaded into attending the club night by several winks and… this weird flirty thing he does with his eyes that makes them fall all over him.

But he knew I was nervous, so he walked me into the club, and was also the one to offer me a seat next to him, in the front row in front of the stage.

I didn’t get to look back into the crowd to see if you were there, so I tried to concentrate on the group activities, which is something I should do if I’m trying to be normal, and there was:

President Choi Chanhee, who was actually a photography major already signed to some art gallery that wants to show his photos

Ahn Sohyun, the vice-president of the club, an impressive feat since she was only a year above us.

And the new freshmen introduced themselves one by one: me, Donghyuck, Kevin Moon, a girl named Rachel, Changmin… you.

You mumbled your name like you were embarrassed to be here but I heard it nonetheless, and when you were speaking I finally got a chance to look at you—not to be creepy, but… to make sure it was you.

I mean, of course it is. You look like you, and your name… I guess I was just never sure if you existed for real, like you’re someone I only see on TV, so whenever you’re in the same room with me, it’s just…

The freshmen started to dance and have snacks after that, classic initiation night, I guess. It’s the end of summer but still feels like the middle of it, and the night was hot and everyone’s already discarded their jackets in a pile.

I’m the only one still standing with my hoodie zipped all the way up.

At first I tried to look for you, but I quickly gave up. I don’t even know what I’d say to you. It would be weird if I just kept sitting when everyone was either drinking or eating or dancing, so I tried to walk around, keeping my eyes on the ground—it’s a habit I learned a long time ago, a habit I can’t unlearn because eye contact scares me—and then I spot you, you’re talking to Choi Chanhee, about his photos and his major. I don’t even know what your major is.

The party transformed completely into a dance thing, and everyone was now crowding around the stage, where they encouraged freshmen to get up and dance, one by one. You were spared the treatment, because everyone was rather afraid of you, or were in awe—either way, you didn’t need to subject yourself to embarrassment like that.

Someone pushed me into the stage lights, I guess it was my turn–and I just froze there, on stage, and everyone’s looking. I search for you but I can’t see through the blinding lights.

“Haknyeon’s cute,” someone says.

“Haknyeon-ah! Do you have abs?”

“Show us!”

I tried to get off the stage, but just like 5 years ago I’m pushed back, there’s no way to escape, and I’m back under the lights again, and everyone’s laughing—not at me, I know that, but there’s no way to control the rapid beating of my heart.

“You’re sweating.” Rachel reached over and pulled the zipper of my hoodie down, and then quickly, with action that shows she works the coat room at restaurants, slid the hoodie off my sleeves.

I should have worn a long sleeved shirt. But I like the one I had on then, you know? I like the color of it…

At home I just walk around with short sleeves, sometimes less—my scars don’t scare me, and I’ve been living with them for, like, 4 years? 5? It’s just a part of me now. All the itching and extra skin and discoloration, it’s a part of me now.

I guess when people see it it makes them want to touch and observe me like a lab rat.

But everybody in the room did that side-eyed glance at my scars, the kind where they’re apologetic about the curiosity, but they still stare—

And that’s when I realized all the attention was on me. Even you—you were watching me, too, except you didn’t have that friendly, initiation-night smile like everybody. You had a blank stare, dark eyes like doll’s eyes, so tough but stunning. And you looked like you were bored of me, which, I have to admit, I’m bored of myself too.

But everybody else certainly wasn’t bored. They were intrigued, disgusted, whatever else—by the scars on my arms. I gingerly put my hoodie back on, while you just looked away.

So you don’t remember me?

Rachel was the one that handed me the hoodie back—it wouldn’t help me now, but it would palliate the staring—and when I looked back at you, you’re talking to Chanhee again, although he looked distracted.

The party went on all night, and I had half a mind to just stay for half of it, and after the scar thing no one talked to me, anyway. There was free beer, though, so I drank a little. It would be weird if I walked out after that scene—but also no one was talking to me.

I lounged around for a bit in the room, but suddenly someone takes me by the arm, and I’m walking unwillingly out the hall.

It’s Ji Changmin, who is nice enough. He grins at me. “We needed some fresh air,” he says, “here, I bought you your own cold one.” It was a beer.

It was club night all over campus, so there were people from every club walking around us, as we sat on a bench behind the garden statue, shrouded in the dark.

“It’s alright,” Changmin told me. “It’s not on you that everyone is a freak.”

I don’t like that word, as much as I use it on me. Plus, the fact that they stare makes me the freak, not them.

“If they stare, it’s because they’re mannerless bastards. Not because of anything you did.”

We just sipped from our cans in turn, sometimes talking about our lives, as we introduced ourselves to the other. Changmin initially wanted to join the dance club, but apparently he was ‘overqualified’ and Chanhee, the president, asked him to join his club, ‘on knifepoint’, he says, “he was literally pointing a pair of scissors at me when he asked me to join.”

As we sat in the dark, people would pass by, sometimes talking about me.

“Did you see the scars on him?” comes a voice, and Changmin saw me cowering in my seat, although we were covered by the statue and they couldn’t see that I was sitting right there. He nodded at me to be quiet, it would be over, anyway. “He must be sick—do you think someone did it to him?”

“Maybe he did it himself. Look at the look in his eyes—crazy son of a bitch.” I held my breath until those people had passed by.

Changmin sighed at me. Clinked our beer cans together. “Here’s to this semester—at least you’re being talked about.”

We both walked back to our dorms later that night, but with a group from the club. I’m finally included in a group, again… it feels good. But I know you went back in that blue racecar-looking… thing… that’s way too cool to be called a car, and I know you have an apartment somewhere close but also expensive. Tonight, like always, that day flashes by in my eyes, and like always, I wonder, why me? Why did you save me? Were you just bored? Righteous? I can’t think of more reasons.

I don’t know how to sign this letter so I’ll just write:

From,

Haknyeon

Dear Y/N,

I guess you’re looking out for me, even till now. You’re really a nice person. I can’t even stop telling you how nice of a person you are, if only I could get the words out… if only we could talk.

Changmin is still the only person that talks to me. It’s great that we’re in the same major together, and although you’re not, your name is the only thing on everybody’s lips. It’s quite a major feat.

“Y/N spent half her life in America.”

“Y/N’s brother, Younghoon, is an international model.”

“Y/n’s a bitch.”

This statement broke through the gossip that started before the lecture, and I almost turned around to see the source of it, because who’s saying that—but I fought the urge, I was going to lay low, anyway, plus I can’t act like I know you, because I don’t.

“What do you mean, she’s a bitch?” someone asks. Thank God, I’m not the only one with questions.

“Did you see the way she didn’t talk to anybody except for the club president, Chanhee? She’s only interested in connections.”

“Of course, she’s raised like that… rich people have no manners.”

“She told me to shut up this morning—like, real mean, glaring, ‘shut the fuck up’. And she stared down everybody at my table—that qualifies as bitchy, doesn’t it?”

“Jeez, what were you saying?”

“I was just saying—” the guy’s voice drops to a lower octave, but the lecture hall was dead silent that I could hear: “—was just saying Juhaknyeon’s weird, that everyone saw his arms last night, and it’s covered in scars, just discussing it, civilly.”

“And she told you to shut up?!” someone asks in shock.

“She threw a coke can at me. ‘Shut the fuck up’ real messed up, angry voice.”

Someone laughs. “Does Y/N L/N like that guy? Like, for real? Because why else would she—”

“Who knows? But they filmed him taking his jacket off, didn’t you know?” someone says. “Everyone in the uni knows he’s a freak—no matter what Y/N has to say about it.”

I guess I’m screwed. I guess we’re both screwed. But… is it okay that I feel a little happy about this? I always knew I would have a hard time fitting in, but the fact that you’re trying to defend me makes me happy. That I’m kind of in this with you—you, and Changmin.

I guess it kind of makes me a loser if I keep thinking of you as a friend. We haven’t even talked.

Anyway, thank you.

From,

Haknyeon

Dear Y/N,

I don’t get it. Why are you doing this to me?

The more I think about it, the more it looks like it’s just a long-winded joke. Your brother or someone set you up to this. It’s surprising that you’re here, but more surprising that you act like you know me.

We don’t know each other. I keep telling myself that.

Today is club day, and they’re going to a village somewhere in the rural parts, apparently there’s a waterfall there. Chanhee funded the trip, but needs more people to sign up. I almost didn't go, no one asked me specifically, and Changmin’s not going, either. I wanted to lay low.

I thought you were going, but soon Sohyun and Rachel cornered you and asked if you would. You looked annoyed. You always do, but…

“Ask Haknyeon,” you told Rachel. “If he goes I’ll go too.” And then you slammed your locker shut.

Of course that day only ended with Rachel, Yunjin, Sakura, all the other boys and girls with a crush on you, cornering me and asking me to go on the trip.

It’s funny, because they never even considered me as part of the club, and now they’re begging me, “Haknyeon it’ll be so fun. You’re one of us!” It’s… hilarious. If only I still had a heart to laugh…

But all this socialization in my life trained me into being unable to say no as an answer… so of course I’m going, and I told them that. Rachel excitedly walked off to tell you—I don’t know what your face looked like when she told you.

Why would you do this to me? Why would you mention me by name and force me into that? It’s strange, Y/N, do you still see me as that boy in the snow? That I’m weak, that you could destroy me?

You could destroy me, I know that. But why would you want to? I thought you were nice to me.

I guess I’m going… on that bus with the rest of the club on that long winded road. To a motel surrounded by farms. I still don’t understand why you mentioned me, except if it were some sick joke.

I guess I’ll see you on the bus.

From,

Juhaknyeon

Dear Y/n,

Fuck. Did we just fight? What is this?

I’m writing this on my notes app in the back of the bus while that guy Donghyuck’s beside me, eyes closed, trying to sleep. I don’t even feel like this is secure enough of a position to write to you, because what if the words mirror off the window and everyone can see?

But I’m hiding and writing.

Why am I such an idiot? There’s no one I want to meet more than myself, so I could beat him up. I’d skin him from the inside out if I could, that bastard.

So today started with the bus ride—I mean, literally started, I wasn’t even awake until the bus started moving—and I was completely resigned to my fate, this would be three whole days of torture, living with people, riding a bus through roads that could make the strongest stomachs carsick… hotel food… the list goes on.

You enter the bus with a frown and your bag, and sit in a single seat at the front. I gawked at you for a second, before I realized that other people could see me looking and draw conclusions.

So I sat in a four-seater, don’t know how I ended up there—with Donghyuck and Rachel and Sakura.

“Does y/n like you?” Donghyuck asked somewhere along the ride, just when we were starting to doze off.

I just shifted in my seat, not making eye contact. I think someone needs to teach me the art of eye contact again, because now people’s gazes scare me, especially kids my age. It’s like they’re searching for a way to bring me down, they could get up at the next move and just—I feel safer with my eyes closed or on the ground. “No,” I answered. Well, it had been more like, n-n-n-no.

“I mean it just doesn’t make sense. She doesn’t even smile to anyone, but with you—” Donghyuck sucked in a breath. The others with him just nodded along. “She even told Sohyun she’s not going on this trip if you don’t come, isn’t that weird?”

“Maybe she didn’t want Hak to be left out?” suggests Rachel. “Because of freak-rumors and such?”

“You must think she’s an angel or something,” says Sakura. “Y/N’s so nice to you, isn’t she? She made sure you got on this trip.”

Just as I feared: food from unrated restaurants in the middle of nowhere. The bus stops for relief, and we eat, if Changmin were here maybe I would be more comfortable but I’m just sitting with Donghyuck and the girls, we ordered bibimbap, which even the four of us couldn’t finish.

You sat away from everybody, in a solitary table eating nothing. You bought a coke bottle, though, and kept drinking. I stared at you for a bit, which made Donghyuck nudge Sakura. “They’re in love,” he told her. “It’s some secret relationship.”

Our secret relationship came to this.

I cornered you beside the bus stop where you were washing your hands; everybody was still eating. You glared at me when I came near, so I knew I wasn’t welcome, but I was kind of mad at you, too, so:

“Why are you doing this to me?” was my first question. I didn’t mean for it to come out like a demanding challenge.

“Doing ‘this’ to ‘you’?”

“Why did you tell them you’d only go if I came?” You looked even more annoyed than before, so I go on: “is this… a joke? Did someone put you up to this? Are you trying to hurt—”

“Idiot,” you sneered under your breath. “Fucking idi—I didn’t want to come, as you can see, I didn’t think you would! I just said that so we could both stay home, but who fucked it up, Haknyeon, who?” You kicked at the wall in front of you angrily, and I stepped back a little, trying to give an angry person space. You just rolled your eyes, and then walked past me, colliding first into my shoulder deliberately.

When we all get back on the bus, you’re in your single-seat, sunglasses on, with a frown on your face. Someone asked you “who shit in your coffee?” and you snarled through gritted teeth, “shut the fuck up.”

Now I’m here sitting beside Donghyuck. Did we fight? Do we even know each other well enough to fight?

I just don’t get it. I hate myself for fighting with you, I should have kept my mouth shut. I don’t know why I started it in the first place—it’s not like I’ll ever get real answers, anyway. I should have shut up, now I feel like I’ve lost your trust, and whatever you felt when you were protecting me, you wouldn’t do it again.

I really hate myself right now.

From,

Juhaknyeon

Dear Y/N,

You’re sleeping 4 feet away from me right now, which is, well, cool, but I’m gonna stay awake all night to make sure you’re safe. The latch to the door is broken for some reason, adding to my vigilance. Plus everyone in the club is horribly drunk, so I…

I’m gonna stay awake. Gives me more time to write this letter, anyway.

Just to recap because I feel like we might forget how we ended up here:

The bus ride was horrible. It’s more horrible that we’re gonna have to ride it all over again when we get back to the city later, it gave everyone motion sickness. No one’s prepared for the ride home.

But we saw the waterfalls! Well, the rest of us did, anyway. You stayed on the bus playing games on your phone. I snooped around and gawked a little–it’s one of those dashing games. I guess even that monotony is better than hanging out with the rest of us, huh.

Chanhee loves the waterfalls (read: took 19,686 pictures). Everyone did, actually. You can’t see anything from the bus, but inside there’s a stream and it’s really pretty. Everyone swam. Except me, I guess, you can probably guess why I didn’t.

And then we drove to the motel, where we were planning to get drunk for the whole night. I thought it’d make everything weird if I went, so I didn’t go. I just sat in the motel room, charging my phone. Thinking of writing you another letter, but I don’t even know what I’d say.

The guys went out to drink around 9. At 10, there’s a knock on the door—the latch is broken, so it just slides to the side.

Your head poked in. “Oh, you.”

I gawked at you wordlessly, pathetically actually. But you didn’t hate me so much. “Can I stay here for a bit? It’s scary in my room.”

I nodded, and you came in, immediately lying down on the mattress they laid down for us. “Aren’t you gonna get some shut-eye, too?” you asked me.

I just shook my head. We stayed there in silence for so long. I wanted to ask why you didn’t go to drink, but I couldn’t get it out, couldn’t get myself to speak to you. You let me do my thing, which was staring at my phone like it’s the most interesting thing in the world, when really all I wanted to do was stare at your face. Ask you questions. All about you, all about that day in the snow.

You spoke first, though. I never speak. “I’m sorry about earlier today.”

I wasn’t expecting an apology at all, so I’m surprised. “Huh?” finally, some sound from me.

“I was just… I didn’t eat anything, so I guess I was hangry. It’s fucked up. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

I shrugged. “Used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be used to people treating you like that.”

You looked at me in a special, peculiar way. Not hating but also not enjoying my company. You saw me scratching the tag on my back, it’s hot and I’m covered in sweat. And I’m still wearing a jacket over my shirt. “Take it off,” you say, “the motel heating is fucking off its rocks, it’s like 30 degrees in here.”

I just shook my head and mumbled it’s not hot at all, but…

You crawled over to me and swiped the sweat off my forehead. “It’s just the two of us here, Haknyeon.”

I gripped at my sleeves. “No…”

You gave up easily, thank God. You sat back on the mattress. “Fine, I guess. I’m sleepy.”

“Do you remember me?” I ask out of the blue, and it should have been quiet, I didn’t even mean it for you to hear, I was just wondering it to myself, it’s become a habit of speaking my thoughts out loud because usually no one’s around to hear…

“Do you know me?” you asked in return, louder than me this time.

I looked away. “No.” Which was true, I didn’t know you other than that day and chance sightings, and I’m not delusional enough to force a connection.

“I’m sleeping,” you say. “I trust you, so I’ll just sleep here. Is that okay?”

I said yeah, and then you’re curled up with a pillow. I dug up a fan from the closet and plugged it in facing you so you’d be a little cool. I’m still keeping my jacket on, though. It just gets weird if anyone sees it, even you, who knows how I got them.

Thank you for trusting me.

From,

Haknyeon

[continued on back page]

Okay, I just… I’m having flashbacks again, as bad as it is. You’re still asleep. I’m writing this in the small flashlight, in case turning the big lights on would wake you up. There’s been a few club people coming back to sleep, but I won’t let them in my room—not unless it’s a girl that I can trust around you anyway, but neither Rachel nor Sohyun are back.

5 years ago was the worst year of my life. I guess it was always like that since I was a kid, people didn’t seem to take my side in fights, or I was always under the upperhand… but it didn’t get as bad as freshman year of high school.

On the day you talked to me, it was snowing.

Winter may be the cruelest month to do these things in. One time I stood wearing a mere short-sleeved school shirt in ankle-high snow, with the boys all standing around me—my puffer jacket was clogging the toilet in a stall on the second floor—and they were saying “it’s not that cold,” all the while wearing 4 layers, the pure irony. And the snow fell all around us.

On the day you talked to me, they weren’t around. I was bleeding from my head, I swear the blood was frozen and congealed with my eyelashes, everything was just cold and painful, and I was wearing one jacket. Hands in my pockets. They’d intimidated me into kneeling in the snow, and demanded that I kneeled there until they came back. It was almost past lunch, and they would either actually come back to torment me more or just go back to their classes, mindless of me.

I tried to report them, a few times. I tried to get my parents to help me. It was always the same thing—even the bullies themselves wouldn’t come to the office with me, it would be the students’ representative, which happened to be your brother, Younghoon–he’d apologize, and do nothing. He just kept saying “we’re all friends. We just need to respect each other.” to me, as if I was the one needing to respect people.

You walked up to me, that day in the snow. It was lunch time, and everyone was eating inside, I know students stared but they never got closer. But you did.

“Get up,” was what you said. Just like now, today, you’re impossible to read. I thought you were angry at me—I’ve seen you before, I know you’re Younghoon’s sister, I know nobody could help me, so…

“Get up, let’s go to the hospital.”

I didn’t move. If anything, I kneeled firmer than before, sinking into the snow, head facing the ground. I’m meant to be sorry, although I don’t know for what.

“Get up!” you yelled at me. “If you won’t get up, you’re gonna get sicker.”

You kneeled down with me, and I opened my mouth, I said, “don’t,” the sound got away from us with the wind and you didn't hear it.

You wiped the blood off my brows. “It’ll be okay.” It was staining your hands, and then it fell onto the snow, maroon against pure white. I was the one dirtying it.

That’s when I looked up at you, finally, although I wasn’t supposed to. “Kneel with your head bowed” had been the order. But when I looked…

You looked angry. “Get up,” you said again, this time with your arm hooking with mine to pull me up. And yet, I planted myself on the ground, afraid they would hurt us both if you got me.

“Juhaknyeon, please.” You knew my name. That was the most surprising part of it. “Get up, come on.”

Tears and blood congealed and froze around my temples, I don’t know what I’m doing. Crying icicle tears and still planting my knees on the ground. I can’t get up, I can’t.

You gave up eventually, and I didn’t watch it happen—I kept my eyes on the ground. Praying for something. But when you came all my prayers were answered, and after that… they never bothered me again.

I don’t know what you did, but I know you did something. It was you. You did more than Younghoon ever could, you saved me.

I’m always going to see you as an angel, that day in the snow. I’m sorry my blood stained you, it was dirty. I’m trying to never bleed that way again. Thank you for then. I think you might be the sole reason I’m alive. Now I have to protect you, which is why I’m here staying up. In the moonlight, the outline of your nose is really pretty.

That’s creepy to say. I just wanted to compliment you, sorry.

Note to self: just so I remember to tell you: Rachel eventually came back to the bedrooms and I let her sleep in the same room with you, warning her that the latch to the door is broken. Writing this in my own room with Kevin and Chanhee. It smells like soju here it’s unbearable. I hope you’re sleeping well, though, good night.

—Hak

Dear Y/N,

Are we friends now? It feels like I need a bigger audacity to assume that. An audacity I don’t have.

I guess if the things that happened to me didn’t happen, I would be a happy person. Someone who easily makes friends, someone kind… As much as I wish I were that person, I also don’t want someone else to go through what I did. I guess I just think that I can take the worst of it. Anyway, today it really feels like the worst of it is over. Changmin texted me ‘hey loser, how was the trip’ and I wrote back. I finally have a friend… or friends, since the whole club is so nice to me.

I don’t know why, but they’re a little iffy about you. I find it weird they think badly about you, but when I try to defend you it just makes things worse. I would tell people that you helped me out back in high school, but… I don’t know if you’d like to let people know we’ve known each other that long.

Man, you can sleep. You sat on the bus with your head resting on the window, and just went to sleep. It’s not even like you’re part of the hangover crowd, which everybody is, because just look at Chanhee. I’ve never seen eyes that tired.

You pulled me in to sit with you, though, and like everything you do, I don’t understand it. I just sit quietly. Writing to Changmin on the phone, which I have all sounds off and set on vibrate mode, so it doesn’t disturb you. Everyone’s quiet, and the bus curtains are drawn.

Some time along the ride, your sleeping figure started to lean on me. You were asleep, I’m sure, and that moment was when I let myself dream…

In the universe where I was never hurt, I have an audacity big enough to believe I should be the one kissing your lips. I ask you out. You fall asleep on me, just like this. You put your hand in mine. You feel my forehead by pressing yours against it when I get sick. When I lean into you, you won’t pull away—because I’m not a loser with scars. Because I’m not me. And that’s the only way you’d ever like me.

I thought no one saw us, that we were shrouded on the dark bus… but I guess everyone saw. When we’re on campus again, Donghyuck and the others teased me about it, some of them clasping my arm in a side-hug.

“Juhaknyeon, what the hell did you do that the ice princess is all over you?”

I don’t know, either. I just don’t know why you would keep helping me all this time.

From,

Hak

Dear Y/N,

Okay, I feel like I need to apologize for my earlier wishful behavior that you were mine, because today you came to the club meeting with your boyfriend.

Of course you have a boyfriend. I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess it’s a good pairing, too, because Youngjae is bright, happy, so funny, and his family is just as affluent as yours. I guess he’s the exact type you should ever go for.

But anyway Youngjae arrived at our club meeting today all flashy, and Chanhee was over the moon because apparently they know each other. Youngjae’s parents own a gallery and everything, and they talked for a bit. You looked so happy and bright, bragging about your boyfriend. “This is Eric! He and I got close when I was studying in L.A.”

And Eric mingled with the club, everyone likes him. Some people thought we were a budding love triangle, though, if only they knew how we were really connected. They’d just feel bad for me, hoping on someone just because they saved my life once.

“Ayy,” someone went, whistling over the club sounds, “what about Juhaknyeon… he’s gonna be heart broken his princess has someone like Eric.”

“Are you jealous, Hak?”

I just shook my head.

But later when we’re partnering up for the club projects, you jumped over to my desk and said you wanted me as a partner. I guess you really do think of me as a friend—which I’m happy about! If nothing else at least we’re friends.

So now we’re partners in this project. Chanhee gifted me a camera to use for the club—he has many, he says. I would be bragging about it to you, but Eric’s around, and… I didn’t want to complicate things for you.

Eric tried to talk to me, though, which I found weird. He asked me about my major, how life is, and all that. Do you talk to him about me? I guess it’s only natural… But at the end of it, he told me, “I think you’re a good guy, Hak.” I guess that means he trusts me around you?

I kind of feel bad for wishing you were mine, because I don’t know, it just feels wrong now, and I’m sorry. Anyway, in other news, Sohyun asked me out today. She wanted to know straight up if we ‘wanted to try’ to date, and I said yes, I mean… just for the experience? Plus she’s always nice. I want to thank you for always being kind to me, though, because without you I wouldn’t have the confidence to go out with her.

I’ll try to actually talk to you sometime.

From,

Your Hak

Dear Y/N,

Eric was kind of aggressive towards me when I saw him at the end of all my classes, in the parking lot. I don’t even know why, because I just found out you two aren’t dating, so… why was he so mean, out of nowhere?

I guess I want to ask you but I don’t want to make you mad, either.

You looked actually happy when I met you for the project today. The whole catch is that we don’t have to do anything, really, for the club, our photos probably won’t even be selected for Chanhee’s project. But I tell you this and you said:

“No way! You like taking photos, so we’re gonna take your work to the gallery!”

You weren’t frowning or cursing when you said that, and you seem… not mad. Maybe I am a good influence around you, haha.

I should ask about you and Youngjae, I thought, so I did, “so you must be really glad Eric flew all the way here from L.A.? What are you guys doing?”

The same expression on your face that resembled gray clouds. “We’re just hanging out.”

Okay…

“So how long have you been dating?”

You gasped. “Wait you thought—”

I’m embarrassed for embarrassing you. “You’re not—?!”

“Eric’s a friend.” You frowned, looking down at the ground. You didn’t meet my eyes for a long time. “You thought we were dating? And you were happy about it?”

I don’t understand why you’d be upset that I’m happy for you… I didn’t say that, though. I just shrugged. “Sorry, it’s just—you two looked really close, and when you introduced him—”

“And you were happy I’m taken?” you shrugged my hand off you, and I didn’t put it on your shoulder a second time. “Anyway. We’ll take pictures good enough to get into Chanhee’s collection, alright?”

“I think we should make you the subject,” I told you. “You’re the prettiest thing anyone can photograph…” I trailed off. I wished I hadn’t said that, and anyway you barely heard me.

But you did hear me, though. You barked out a horrible laugh. “I guess now that you know I’m single, you can flirt all you want, huh?”

I tried to defend myself: “I wasn’t flirting, I was just saying you’re—”

You didn’t listen to me, you were playing with your camera.

You were in a good mood, up until lunch time. I sat with the photography club, and you mindlessly followed me there with your tray. The usual gossip ensued, but I wasn’t paying attention to it, I was just looking over at you. If you were eating well.

Sakura mentions my name and I suddenly get sucked back to reality. “So, Haknyeon and Sohyun are a thing now, right?”

“Holding hands~” Donghyuck teases, “there’s a photo of you two in the campus couples’ instagram.”

“Congratulations, you two…”

I looked away, unable to take the attention, and across from me Sohyun smiled. “Thanks, you guys…”

“Haknyeon and Sohyun?” I’ve never heard your voice so small, it made me cock my head to the side to watch you speak. You’re standing with your back turned to me. “They’re dating?”

“Holding hands,” says Rachel.

“Ah, Y/N’s sad~ She likes Haknyeon,” someone says.

You glared at Sohyun. “You think I don’t see right through you?” you hissed at her, and then you stood up, with a tray of half-eaten food, and walked off. I should have tried to stop you, because you never eat well, but Sohyun tried to talk to me now, and I can’t just shrug her off, we’re sort of an item now. I tried to text you, though, and you didn't reply. I’m still waiting on the text about the project.

Which brings me to my next recount: I don’t know what’s with it, but, like, Eric was kind of aggressive towards me when I saw him at the parking lot today. He bumped into my shoulder, actually rather harshly, and went: “next time think about what you’re doing.” What does he mean? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, per se, at least to him…?

Anyway, I’m still waiting on your text. I’m thinking, I’ll really have you read all these letters, just so you can understand me better. I don’t like it when we fight.

Anyway, I’m sorry. If you’re in a bad mood you can come to me, though. :)

Your Haknyeon

Dear Y/N,

This is a joke. I might never forget this conversation, it’s riding my mind and I can’t—

Y/n, you’re lying, there’s no way that

This is killing me.

When you met me today you’re actually in a good mood. You don’t even always dress like this… colorful, like spring flowers. You look pretty.

Words just flow and flow out of you, and sometimes you’d ask me about Sohyun.

(“Did you go on a date with her?” “Yeah” *snort* “That’s great.”)

I asked you why you didn’t bring your camera, and you shrugged. “It was actually Eric’s. I don’t actually own a camera—I don’t like taking photos.”

“But the club—?”

“Listen,” you said, “I might have learned the basics on lighting and angles, but I have no interest in photography and my gallery on my phone is all empty—I don’t even have an instagram.”

“I don’t have insta either—Wait, you don’t like photos?” I asked. “Then why did you—come here? This far? Join the club?”

“You were in line,” you say. “In front of me. I saw you, so I… signed up right after you.”

“What?”

“I like you.”

I made a noise that’s somewhere between a gasp and a cry. I don’t ask ‘what’ again, even though we both know that’s what I’m thinking.

“Haknyeon,” you say, “no matter how anti-social everybody else in the world thinks I am, I still try to be your friend, don’t I? I’m the one making the first move everywhere with you—I ask you to sit next to me on the bus, I invite you to parties myself, I asked you to be my project partner.”

“Y-yeah,” I say slowly, camera dropping to hang on my neck heavily. Nervous, so I’m playing with my hands. “Um… why do you do that?”

“Because I like you,” you insist. I’m dumbfounded, but you look angry that I’m dumbfounded and don’t believe you.

“You like me?” I probe, “After you’ve seen me in the snow—after you saw me like that, all… hurt…”

“I've liked you since then,” you say. “Actually, even before that. Before we even met in the snow. I always knew who you were, and liked you.”

I just gawk wordlessly until it makes you roll your eyes.

“Well,” you say, sighing, “you have a girlfriend, so I’m confessing. I know nothing will come out of it.”

“You don’t know,” I said suddenly, before I could stop myself.

“Don’t know what?”

“My pain. You don’t know how bad it is, how painful it was, so… you can’t like me. Because you don’t know me.”

You scoffed. “Yeah. I guess. I don’t know anything, huh.”

But I was wrong, Y/N, which I just decided I am, after I’m in bed thinking about today. I was wrong. I mean, there’s no way you like me, maybe you’re confused—a 5-year-old confusion. But I was wrong to assume you had no pain in your life. The way you glared at me when I said it just says it all. I was wrong to say that… But I guess now I can't take what I said back.

From,

Hak

Dear Y/N,

I have a feeling I might need to talk to you instead of writing letters I’ll never send. Maybe this will be the last one.

I just needed to talk to you about Sohyun.

We’re not dating anymore. I don't know what you'll think, it’s not like you were betting on us failing, but… well, nothing could keep us together! Not when Sohyun only wanted me to one-up you, anyway—and, yes, I knew it all along. I just pretended to be an idiot for a bit. I thought…

Nevermind what I thought.

What were you thinking?

Sohyun and I met at the school cafe after dark. She was angry, and I swear something was off, and one of her acrylic nails was broken. She was fuming when she stormed towards me, it was almost scary. “I’m going to fucking kill Y/N L/n!”

I’m always a little guarded for you, so I ask what happened.

“She attacked me,” Sohyun insisted. “She yelled at me—oh, I am writing this on the college forum, let everybody know what a fucking freak that girl is—she gets everywhere because her family’s famous, she’s arrogant, you know—”

“What did you do?” I asked out of the blue, just because I wanted to know, but she changed her entire demeanor at me, like a bird with ruffled feathers. A fight.

“What?” she spoke with narrowed eyes (that was about the time I realized I fucked up), “What does it matter what I did? She came over to my table and yelled insults at me.”

“What did you do that made her mad?” I asked. It might have been the most engaged I’ve ever been in any conversation with Sohyun, and it pains me to admit it’s about you.

“I’m dating you, if someone attacks me this way, you’re supposed to protect me,” Sohyun says adamantly, wringing her wrists everywhere. I think she might be madder at me than at you. “What kind of boyfriend—do you know what I go through trying to support you, walking on eggshells about those ugly fucking scars all over you, everyone thinks I’m a saint, so you should also—”

“Okay,” I say.

“I’m just saying, I do it out of the goodness of my heart, Haknyeon. Not just being your friend, but also trying to be your girlfriend.”

“Well you don’t have to be either.”

She gasps. “I am not getting dumped by a—” She hurled insults at me, one after another, that I was barely even sorry for her anymore. At the end of it, I smiled. My first real smile in a while.

“Dump me, then. Whatever you feel fits. I’m going home.” It was the most damage I could do, with my character. Somebody else would have hurt her more. I slinged my bag over my shoulder, and walked out on her.

I think I might need to give up on the Photography Club. I made an enemy out of the vice president, after all. It’s funny, it genuinely brought me joy, but I don’t feel bad when I think about leaving.

Because you don’t like it there, either.

—Your Hak

You’re sitting on a bench outside of the dorms, even though you don’t live there. It wasn’t the first time. You know Haknyeon’s window has to be somewhere in the visible lighted up windows, and sometimes you walk by, just to see if it’s still lighted up, or if it’s off, he’s sleeping, or sitting in the dark. As creepy as that is. You’ve always been curious about him, ever since high school. After that day in the snow, you threatened his bullies. You had to move away to America after that, but you made Younghoon keep an eye on them, never hurt a hair on Haknyeon’s head ever again.

You liked him for so long, and you hoped, if you ever did meet again, you’d at least have the courage to say hi. But it really happened, and the first night you saw him again, you couldn’t gather the courage. Instead you talked to Chanhee, and everybody else, just anyone but him. You couldn’t gather the strength.

You only loved him in the only way you knew how: protecting him. Telling people off when they used him as a gossip tool. When Sohyun used him… you fought back. That’s how you ended up here, in front of his dorms, with a swollen eyelid.

It’s necessary to mention you’ve never been in a fight before.

“What are you doing here?”

That’s Haknyeon deep voice, which you recognized immediately. With a sigh, you turn around.

“It’s not so I can see you, trust me.”

Back to his withdrawn character, he balances himself on his heels, mumbling, “why fight?”

“I think you mean ‘why did you fight’?” He kept staring at the ground. “Your taste is girlfriends is horrible…” You tutted. But your eye was hurting. “Do you have an ice pack or something? My eye really hurts.” Which was half truth but half just wanting to spend time with him.

Haknyeon takes you to a convenience store in the corner of the building block, and basically nurses you, carefully pressing the ice pack to your eye.

“How could her nail just scratch you?”

“Ow,” you say, “be gentle.”

“By the way, you’re really bad at fighting.”

“I literally fought her for y—” you stop yourself. “I mean. I just… she’s annoying.”

“I never realized.”

“Yeah, your perfect little girlfriend, huh?” you scoffed.

Haknyeon smiled like he had a secret, as he hummed, pressing the pack to your eye. “It must really hurt…”

“I think you’re been in more pain than me.” It just slipped out of your mouth, so you backpedal. “I mean… fuck, what’s wrong with me?”

“So you do remember everything,” he concluded.

“I don’t forget anything about you, actually. Not since the day we met—but meeting you here was an accident, I thought I’d have to search through facebook or insta to get your contact back again.”

“Well, I don’t use instagram so you’re lucky we met here…” Haknyeon smiled, expression warm and the ice pack on your face lessening the swelling. “Do you really mean it, that you’ve liked me since high school?”

“Every day since I met you. It’s love at first sight.”

“You don’t look like the type to believe in it, funnily.” He looks up at you, grinning. He’s never looked at you this way before—his eyes had some wonder in them. Like the space between stars, dark under the streetlight shade. “I don’t have a girlfriend, if you were wondering.”

Doubtfully, you quirk an eyebrow at him. “For real?”

“I decided ice princesses are better than universal-nice girls.” Haknyeon grinned at you. “I’m not… I’m not saying I need an answer straight away, though. It’s fine if you’ve changed your mind—”

“Haknyeon,” you say, “I made up my mind 5 years ago, when I saw you in the snow.” You reach over and swipe at the hair on his forehead, just like you wiped the blood back then. “Is this okay?” you ask, inching closer towards him.

“It’s okay.” His eyes closed, as if he’s trying to feel the moment with every cell in his body, and you take the opportunity to kiss him, closed eyelids and soft lips.

When you pull away, you swear you’ve never seen Haknyeon so smiley. Which makes you gloat. “Let’s see Sohyun top that,” you hissed under your breath. Ha! You kissed your crush of 5 years.

And you would keep kissing him… and kissing him and kissing him. And he never pulls away from you, no matter how cold, annoying, or mean you get. Sometimes all three of it at once.

“You’re dating Juhaknyeon,” Donghyuck gushes. “I mean, I knew you liked him, but what’s all that with Eric, and Sohyun—”

“We’ve known each other for a long time,” you answered, “ever since freshman year of high school.” And you don’t hold his hand but you look over at him, into his sparkling eyes.

“Wow,” says Donghyuck. “First love?”

“Wow,” says Chanhee, with more emphasis. “Our first photography club couple!”

Haknyeon’s slowly starting to wear short sleeves, now. Soon it’ll be spring, and you can see the cherry blossoms, in the warm weather… and he’ll take off his jacket for once. Scars do heal and fade, and after you’ve kissed his, he swears, they’re fading out more quickly than ever. Not that you needed them to fade: you loved him for the scars, not despite, and you like him, just like this.

For Chanhee’s project, Haknyeon submits just one entry: you, in the snow, wearing almost the same outfit when he met you. This time, the snow remains white, pure. He’s not bleeding anymore.

#the boyz scenarios #tbz imagines #the boyz imagines #the boyz x reader #tbz x reader #Juhaknyeon x reader #juhaknyeon imagines #haknyeon x reader #haknyeon imagines #tbz scenarios

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