IG @joshuaharris

I Kissed His Books Goodbye

Kae Salonzo Perez- Dilla

April 30, 2021

It was in 2019 when one of my favorite Christian authors shocked the Christian world by announcing his separation from his wife. It was Joshua Harris, the famous author and pastor who wrote, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" which sold millions of copies since their publication in the 90s and made him like a Christian celebrity. I was totally heartbroken when this news popped on my IG feed. A year before this devastating news, I came across Joshua Harris on Facebook and YouTube where I learned about his recent project at that time which is also the reasn why he resurfaced. He was on some documentary film of some sort where he reevaluated his very own books mentioned earlier. I have also watched his TED Ed segment where he apologized for the lives destroyed by his book. He said that he was too young when he wrote his famous books. I was puzzled at that time which led me to do more research a.k.a stalking. I am a good stalker, you know. Kidding aside! So, from there, I started stalking the Harris couple on their social media accounts. I will not forget feeling that something was already off from their relationship since they are both absent from each other's daily activities. I do not know if that is just normal with other people but to me, it isn’t. Also, it struck me that Shannon and the Harris daughters "appear" to be highly modern and very much "in the trend" kind of way when it comes to their clothes, music, and social media posts. Given that they are in the limelight of conservative believers, this is a diversion. I was not a diehard fan of Joshua Harris and so I do not really know what happened to him after writing his books, after getting married to the girl of his prayers, and after pastoring a mega church for 17 years. However, I suddenly recalled an information he disclosed in one of his books. It was about Shannon whose inches close to starting her music career but then converted to her newfound faith and so this dream career of hers was aborted. This, I strongly recalled when I found lots of her IG post informing the world that she is about to release her music albums -which her songs don’t have the slightest expression of her love for God. For a preacher’s wife, for a Christian woman, so to speak, her recent project gave me another major what-in-the-world-is-happening moment. These findings surprised me! That's why I'm not really taken aback when Joshua Harris announced that he and his wife, Shannon, are eventually divorcing. Perhaps something bigger is afoot since then.

 I know I am very late to make a fuss about Joshua Harris and his chosen path today, but I just want to express my thoughts since I kept seeing him lately. I was instantly reminded that I followed him on IG! And now I think about unfollowing him so I would be free from another stress. So, following his separation from his wife in 2019, more of his announcements on the social media just got more terrible as time pass by. He then denounced his Christian faith and joined an LGBTQ parade publicly. What worst could happen now? He has been posting his personal criticism on “Christianity" and against people "in the faith" with the notion of man's freedom being suppressed by God's will.  He makes obedience to God appear so vexing and that it’s the very thing that stifle man from enjoying earthly pleasures. He just twisted the truth about ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’. God is angry at the wicked every day and so we were all once hated by God until he shows us His grace (Psalms 7: 11). But tolerating a sinner could never equate to any form of love. Unless man sees himself as a sinner, he will never repent and seek God. Harris has numerous posts about this particular topic! As I see it, one could assume that it is his way of answering back to the spiteful comments he keeps on receiving from the Christian group. He’s making the believers look like a group of unbelievable people for hurting him with God’s truths. The truth will surely hurt him.

 There is no denying of the fact that Joshua Harris is still a hot issue among Christians today.  Every time Christians talk about relationships, Joshua and his books are brought into place. Before the declaration of his newfound path away from Christ, his books were said to be the "Bible" of Christian romance. Decades ago, Joshua and his books were often referred to when Christians tend to look for godly relationships to pattern theirs. I personally and seriously took note of the contents of his books since I was in a relationship when I read them back then. Just like the other Harris loyalists, I would always mention his name and the things I have learned from his books when giving advice to my friends both in and out of the church during girl talks. It's such a shame that I have to evaluate my old self and admit that I have passed onto others the words of Harris more than God's.  This, I humbly ask forgiveness from the Lord. And so, fast forward to the present time, look at how events have turned now. No one knows what really happened between Joshua and Shannon, but I'm pretty sure that whatever hit their relationship is a reflection of their individual relationship with God which have finally come in fruition in time. The book of Jeremiah says in chapter 7 verse 24, But they hearkened not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward, and not forward. Whilst spending years and years of their life in the ministry, I could not help but wonder, was God really there "in" them? Frankly, although no man is in the position, it’s hard not to question their salvation thinking about what happened to them.

 Joshua Harris have said in an interview that he excommunicated himself from his church because he failed to follow the standards required by the scriptures. In his words, he sounded like he was the victim more than the traitor. To add, one of his videos on YouTube showed live reactions from the offended readers of his books. I personally think that was a clear picture answering the question of why he ended up retracting his beliefs in public. He responded to those people in oppose to what Christians should be doing when being persecuted. He wanted to please them so bad to the point where he just decided to abandon his post, leave his God or god and follow them as if that was the best decision to reach out to them. His mindset is just so disappointing. At some point, did he blame God for earning his haters? Is that why he went after people he doesn’t personally know and has no relationship with God? Was he supposed to reevaluate through the Bible or through people’s lenses? How many were Christians in that pool of readers? It was just necessary to apologize for the wrong points that resulted to misguided readers, but why leave the faith? It’s true that it takes lots of courage to face the music but I don’t see the part where leaving your faith is a new definition of bravery.

 When a Christian is found to be challenged, he ought to thrive. What happened to standing fast in the faith written in 1 Corinthians 16:13? But instead, Joshua Harris allowed the enemy to overpower him. He heard the wrong side. Well, to start with, he's probably not a genuine Christian. We don't want to judge him but again, we have been warned in Ephesians 4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;  A Youtuber also commented that a Christian should never find his life in the Lord burdensome. Sadly, Harris has put down his cross, got tired and stopped following the Savior. A believer's walk with Christ was never promised to go through an easy road but we will always find ourselves consistently rejoicing in His grace despite the way.  Otherwise, those who are just pretending to understand the gospel will soon be revealed and will simply walk away because they were not meant to be in the fold of Christ in the first place.

 Just recently, not only Harris have denounced his faith in Christ. There were others. Although this is not new anymore because there were others even before Harris’s time, but in this age of social media, issues like this have great impact in the Christian society perceived in various wavelength. And this case has left Christiandom a question-- what do we do with the learnings gained from such persons? It is fitting to know where the line should be drawn when reading Christian books. The Lord has commanded us to daily seek Him in prayer and in the scriptures. Even the prophets enquired and searched diligently (1 Peter 1: 10). Hence, to check if the materials we read carry God’s truth in them, they must be aligned to what the Bible says. God’s words should affirm the ideas being offered to us by other books whether they appear new or not. I believe that the things I learned from Joshua’s books really helped me assess my former relationship and double check if it indeed glorifies the Lord. But I do not give credit to the author because most of the concepts of the godly dating he presented were extracted from the Bible and were inspired by the people around him that were ‘in Christ’, and Lord willing, still walking with Him until now. Joshua Harris have miserably left his once professed faith and no wonder when ‘his followers’ do the same too. The Lord only revealed the impending danger of following leaders and prominent individuals with such devotion that should only belong to God. We should be vigilant and be fully aware of where and with whom do we pour our faith into. 2 Peter 3:17, KJV: "Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness."

 The books written by Joshua Harris have heavily influenced his Christian readers. However, more than those pages that illuminated his beliefs before, what would really speak for himself is the life he chose to live today. I have kissed dating goodbye long time ago, not because of his books, but because God has been gracious to me and provided me a godly man to marry. I won’t recommend Joshua’s books but I will be keeping them. If people see them on my shelf one day, I know significant lessons could be drawn from them --more than courtship and dating, but particularly about a Christian’s walk with Christ.  

  We are in the end times and we are witnessing the falling away of man as said in 2 Thessalonians 2:3. But by God’s grace, His true children will persevere until His glorious return. The sad story of Joshua Harris just proved that our God is a perfect God who is solely worthy of receiving man’s adoration and trust. Not that He needs any of it, but it’s just crystal clear that no one else does. And that no earthly relationship should we model ours after except that of Christ and His love for the church which we could learn nowhere else but from the scriptures.

 Isaiah 40:25-31 

To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One. 

Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth. 

Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? 

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. 

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. 

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: 

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

Friday means a brand new #FacebookLive cast with Xavier Lamont and me on @PeopleOfComedy at (around) 5pm! This week: the #Demdebates, #Trump & the #Cali ballot, racist #RonaldReagan, #WillHurd resigns from #Congress, #JoshuaHarris resigns from #god, #TMobile making moves, #TheBoys, #HobbsandShaw, #ChristopherNolan's new movie, #RKelly problems & more. Don't miss it! . . #comedy #podcast #comedypodcast #Chicago #XavierLamont #BobbyHill #PeopleofComedy #StateAndMadison #funny #Live https://www.instagram.com/p/B0qwUb6gtkM/?igshid=1j06ye1dqxbfm

So best selling author of the Christian book “I kissed dating goodbye” has announced that he is no longer a Christian, he’s now divorced leaving three children behind and has made a documentary “I survived I kissed dating goodbye” about how his book affected people, I remember listening to Harris’ speech in the late 90’s on the “focus on the family” radio program, I loved his story and lessons on sexual integrity but I never followed his books or ministry after that. Every time I hear about a person who renounces Christianity, I get very interested in knowing why, did he discovered that Christianity is false? And if he did then what is this discovery? So far what I can gather is: that some people had their lives ruin by his best selling book therefore he walked away from Christianity. Joshua Harris has now apologized to the lgbt community from his biblical views on homosexuality and he told his followers not to mourn for him because he’s happy now. The basic take away from his best selling book is: not to date so carelessly and have casual sex because they are some heavy consequences that comes that, now if not having promiscuous sex is going to ruin your life then you need to reassess your moral foundation. One more thing, there’s no cookie cutter way of doing marriage successfully, marriage is the union of two personalities with two different biological characteristics and social understandings, that’s not an easy task, it takes a lot of commitment, compromise and forgiveness in order to move forward. #christianity #christianandnerdy #christiandating #ikisseddatinggoodbye #joshuaharris #christiandatingadvice #dating #christianteen #losingfaith https://www.instagram.com/p/B0iH_nsFwmb/?igshid=18e59yei7csii

Como uma fruta colhida ainda verde ou uma flor cortada antes de se abrir, as nossas tentativas de apressar o tempo de Deus pode estragar a beleza do Seu plano para a nossa vida.

Joshua Harris

A Culture Where All Women are Bathsheba and All Men are Her Victims

I don’t know how to start one of these, so I’ll start at a very uneventful intro: I was born the youngest daughter into a Christian home in the last 80’s. We attended a very traditional presbyterian church where the median age was quite possibly in the 70’s. Although we were in a conservative church, my dad was quite the opposite, while my mother fit in very well. And even though we went to church I never truly believed. Oh yes, I did all the prayers, did the confirmation when I entered Junior High-against my pleads that I did not want to do it, but mommy had a status to uphold and her youngest was not about to ruin that. After I graduated high school in 2005 we all moved from Southern California to the deep south. Talk about shellshock! While I grew up in a Christian enviornment this was Bible on Sterioids bad. However I found a very non-traditional, non-denominational church with a great college ministry and after a year accepted Christ into my life. I volunteered in the prayer ministry, my house to girls small groups, even attended church three times a week. In that time I made a very solid circle of friends among a gargantuan ministry. During those times I started going on dates here and there, had a couple boyfriends but nothing too serious. However this was at a time and in a culture that was hevily influenced by I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

My father, from a young age, had always told me, “Look, you can have sex, that’s fine. Just be smart about it and don’t get pregnant.” His advice helped even out my views on sex, versus the very conservative views my church had. However those moderate views were not acceptable in the ministry. 

I had a string of heartbreaks which really shaped how I viewed dating and Christianity. The first one was a man I considered my best friend. He was a PK, on the fast track to becoming a pastor himself. He was handsome, funny, the works. He was the first person I met after moving and I was head over heels for him. When I drove an hour and a half to his college campus when decided to tell him how I felt. His response destroyed me, “I don’t think I can be with someone who has been as far with a guy as you have.” I was heartbroken and cried the whole way home not because he rejected me, but because I was suddenly considered ‘tainted.’ The kicker? I had only ever kissed a guy.

The next most defining experience I had was a couple years later. Through the same ministry I met another man new to my social circle. Again I was head over heels, and I would have thought the same too. He and I did not date too long before we found ourselves alone in my basement. That night he begged to go down on me, he wanted to make me scream. Even though my body pleaded with me to let him I kept denying his advances with responses like, “No, God would not like it.” Eventually he broke me down and I allowed him to. Immediatly afterward he began pushing me away, and broke up with me several days later. While our friends patted him on the back telling him everything would be okay, I was pushed out of the friendship circle. I was seen as some sort of temptress, and was not to be trusted around men.

This sort of behavior was infectious in our community amongst young 20-something christians. Women were always at fault: If our shorts were too short or our V-necks too low we were sluts. If a man was tempted by us and acted on their lusts it was never their fault, and we women were the ones to blame. The gossip about certain girls was unwarranted, and created a lot of tension which could have been avoided.

This is what Purity Culture creates.

I didn’t allow anyone else in for a while. I was numb, and angry at my church, and I lashed out by giving away what they prized most in a woman: My virginity. Afterward I was so scared to tell anyone for fear of complete rejection from the place I called my sanctuary. I was still in a place of social isolation, and I did not want to go further down that path.

It wasn’t until after I turned 24 when I met another guy I decided to trust. He was a man I had noticed in a local community hang out, and a year had gone by before I ever had the nerve to talk to him. He was handsome, well dressed, always studying while sipping his coffee and eating his scone. Finally I built up the courage to say hi to him, and surprisingly enough we spent three hours talking. Very quickly we went on our first date, to our second, to our third, to becoming 'official.' 

This man was intelligent, hilarious, amazing at conversation. He was gracious and manners of a gentleman who never overstepped his boundaries: On top of all that he was a Christian from birth. I knew the conversation of sex would come up at one point, and when it did I was visibly shaking. I was so traumatized from my past that I didn’t want to tell him of my past misconduct, yet I wanted him to know me for who I really was sins and all.

When I finally told him he gave a nonchalant okay. “Okay? You’re fine that I’m not a virgin?” He gave a surprised look and said he didn’t care what happened in my past because he loved me, and none of that mattered.

When he left my house I cried so many tears, this time of joy.

I guess at some point I will have to wrap this up. The PK I considered my best friend? We had a very tough, but very deep conversation on how he made me feel worthless. I asked him “As a youth pastor, would you ever say something like that to a young girl in your ministry? Would you ever tell her she was used goods?” Fastforward to now and he says that question still rings in his head, and is a reminder not to judge someone for what they’ve been through. We went through a rough patch right after the incident, but have bounced back. He and I are still best friends and talk weekly.

The last man I dated in this story was the last man I ever dated. We were engaged after three months and married after five. We will be married six years in 2018, and we have a wonderful, vivacious son turning five in a few weeks. 

Books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye create a culture of self-righteousness and shame, which push out those God wants to love and heal the most. Our son will never read the book, and if he is lucky will never have to worry about the Purity Culture. He will love and respect the any woman he is with, and I will bring him up to never shame a woman in the way I was shamed because of that damned narrow ideology.

@JoshuaHarris

"Acima de tudo, guarde o seu coração , pois dele depende toda a sua vida". (Provérbios 4:23) Relacionamento - texto completo link na BIO👆 #palavraviva #relacionamento #santidade #eudisseadeusaonamoro #joshuaharris #2่ https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEApMOh4Ui/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gkpd377bxwg4

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Um homem e uma mulher cristãos que se amam devem redefinir o que o verdadeiro amor é antes de seu casamento. Eles têm que concordar que a intimidade sexual antes do casamento é completa falta de amor. Eles precisam renovar seu pensamento para que ambos vejam que não violar o seu futuro leito matrimonial é uma verdadeira expressão de amor.  Você quer ser romântico com a pessoa que está cortejando? Quer demonstrar sua paixão por ela com algo além de palavras? Então se guarde do pecado, lute contra a luxúria e se recuse a excitá-la sexualmente.

JOSHUA HARRIS

#JoshuaHarris

Isn't this amazing? #joshuaharris #stopdatingthechurch #goodreads #inspiration #sabbathrest

Procuro por alguém que acenda velas...

“No início de seu casamento, o Reverendo E.V. Hill e sua esposa, Jane, enfrentaram dificuldades financeiras. Ele insensatamente investiu em um posto de gasolina e o negócio faliu. O dinheiro era pouco. O Dr. Dobson que ouviu o Reverendo Hill compartilhar sua história no funeral de Jane, a conta desta forma: Pouco tempo depois do fiasco com o posto de gasolina, E. V. chegou uma noite em casa e encontrou tudo apagado. Quando ele abriu a porta, viu que Jane tinha preparado um jantar à vela para os dois. “O que isto significa?” ele disse com seu humor característico. “Bem,” disse Jane, “vamos comer à luz de velas esta noite.” E.V. achou aquilo uma grande idéia e foi para o banheiro lavar as mãos. Ele tentou acender a luz e não conseguiu. Então tateou até o quarto e apertou outro interruptor. A escuridão continuava. O jovem pastor voltou para a sala de jantar e perguntou a Jane por que a eletricidade estava cortada. Ela começou a chorar. “Você trabalha tanto e estamos tentando,” disse Jane, “mas é muito difícil. Eu não tinha dinheiro suficiente para pagar a conta de luz. Não queria que você soubesse então achei que deveríamos comer à luz de velas.” O Dr. Hill descreveu as palavras de sua esposa” com intensa emoção: “Ela poderia ter dito: ‘Nunca passei por uma situação assim antes. Fui criada na casa do Dr. Caruthers e nunca tivemos a luz cortada.’ Ela poderia ter magoado meu espírito; ela poderia ter me destruído; ela poderia ter me desmoralizado. Ao invés disto ela disse: “De algum modo a luz voltará. Mas vamos comer hoje à luz de velas.” Procuro alguém que acenda velas ao invés de amaldiçoar a escuridão.” (Joshua Harris - Eu disse adeus ao namoro)

I kiss dating, goodbye.

--JoshuaHarris