#joel angst
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✨Fortnight✨
Joel Miller x fem! reader
A/N: This one shot was inspired by Taylor Swift’s song “Fortnight” and is written for @morallyinept Jett’s Flora & Fauna Challenge. I had so much fun with this one and was feeling all the angst! Thank you to @mountainsandmayhem for helping me make the mood board and for beta reading and for letting me talk your ear off about this one 🥰 Joel’s POV actually made me cry writing this 🥹
Summary: Moving on is hard, especially when the man you fell in love with moved in across the street from you with his new lover.
Word Count: 4.6k
Rating: 18+ Only
Tags: Lots of angst, feelings, pining, heartbreak, alcohol use, allusions to smut, tears, pov in both reader and Joel’s view, no use y/n
Dividers by @saradika-graphics
The orange and yellow sunrise paints the sky bright colors as you stand in your little kitchen sipping a warm cup of black coffee. The bland taste mixes with your salty mood as your eyes lock on your neighbor across the street, Tess.
Every morning she’s out there bright and early, watering her white lilies with a metal watering can as she hums along with the chirping robins that sit along her fence line. It makes your fingers flex into tight fists, makes your brows furrow up, makes your mouth clench into a deep frown as you watch with heartache written all over your pathetic face. Sometimes you wish she was dead, just like your aching heart is. Cold, lost, broken. But you shouldn’t be mad, shouldn’t wish her dead. She’s nice, always smiling, something you wish you would do more often.
You don’t hate her, not exactly. You hate that she’s Joel’s. You hate the way he comes up behind her and hugs his broad arms around her waist as he kisses her neck, her cheek, her lips. You hate the way he dances with her in the dimly lit kitchen at night as you watch them through their open window while you stand frozen in place in your own empty kitchen. You hate the way he kisses her every single morning before she drives off to work in her flashy sports car. And you hate the way they’re engaged to be married in the fall, something that should’ve belonged to you.
You should be with Joel, you should be dancing in the moonlight of his kitchen, you should be the one watering flowers with him hanging around your waist and littering your skin with kisses, you should be the one walking down that aisle. But you’re not, and you never will. Joel was in the past. An old lover from years ago. You had broken up so long ago, so why did you still love him? You weren’t his anymore. Joel belongs to Tess now. The girl you would never be.
One month. It’s been exactly a month since they moved across the street, across from you. You remember it so clearly how it felt seeing him after all those years, like you were trapped in a glass bottle with nowhere to run. He was more built now, his biceps clinging to his flannels as his tan skin glistened in the sunlight. His hair was longer now with grey threading through his curly strands, and his beard was salt-and-pepper filled. He looked so… handsome. But then you saw her slipping out of the moving van as he laughed and helped her pull a large picture frame out of the back. You were frozen in place, the glass of milk spilling out of your hand and shattering on the floor as you stared in horror at your new neighbors. You spent the next few hours soaking in the tub with a glass of whiskey, the same brand that was Joel’s favorite. You love him, you still love him, and it’s ruining your life.
Now you just stand in the empty kitchen every morning with glossy eyes and watch them. The way they kiss, talk tenderly, and graze each other’s hands as they say their long goodbyes. It makes you so sick, especially after just finding out your long term boyfriend cheated on you with his secretary. So now you’re going through a messy breakup, one where he keeps showing up at the house randomly trying to get you to take him back. Just another lost love that wasn’t meant to be. Maybe you weren’t meant to be with anyone, destined to be lonely. At least that’s what it feels like while you stare in horror at the happy couple who yearns for one another.
When you finish your black coffee and rinse out the tinted mug, you watch Joel grab the back of Tess’s head and pull her in for a long, gentle kiss. You watch the way he leans into it, smiling against her lips as she laughs and tells him she’s going to be late to work. He just brushes it off and waves her off, blowing her a kiss as he watches her drive off into the early sunrise. It makes you sick to death.
You turn and rush up the stairs, feeling a warm teardrop slip down your cheek as you get ready for the day. You really shouldn’t dwell on their relationship, but you can’t help it, and that makes you want to die.
Before you head out, you walk down the paved driveway to go grab the mail from your brick mailbox, already dreading the day as rain clouds fill the sticky air. When you go to pull open the mailbox door, it doesn’t budge. You pull and pull, tugging with all your might until the door finally opens. You lose your balance and all your mail goes sprawling across the street as you fall hard on your hands and knees.
“Shit,” you mutter under your breath as you feel hot tears prick the back of your eyes. Just when you’re pushing yourself off the ground, you see someone out of the corner of your eye swoop down and pick up the mail that litters the ground.
“Oh, no. You don’t have to help me, I’m…” Your breath hitches when you stand up and see Joel holding out your mail to you, his eyes lathered with concern as you see brown doe eyes stare down at you calmly.
“You alright?” he asks carefully as his eyebrows knit together in a tight line.
“I’m… I’m fine,” you stutter out as you reach to grab the packaged letters. You jump back as his calloused fingers brush against yours, feeling the electricity fire through your veins as you see him react the same way.
“You sure?” One thick eyebrow cocks up as he stands tall before you, his body hovering too close as you smell the scent of fresh wood and pine needles. A scent you used to smell every single night while you were in his bed, cuddled up to him in the dead of night. Now, all you smell is regret and sadness mixed together in an empty bed with no one to hold you.
You clench your jaw and try to be brave as you feel a wet teardrop escape over your lash line and slide down your face. “Mhm, I’m fine,” you barely get out as you look blankly at the cracked concrete and scuff your heel into the hard ground.
“You don’t look fine. Is everythin’… do you wanna talk?” he asks as he slowly reaches a hand out, dropping it before he touches your skin as he realizes he shouldn’t do that. That’s too much, too risky, too sacred.
You look up at him behind your thick eyelashes as another shimmery tear rolls down your wide eyes. “Everything is not fine, but no. I don’t want to talk. I shouldn’t even be here. I’m sorry for bothering you, you didn’t need to help me,” you sniffle out. You start to turn away from him, but then you feel a large hand clamp down on your wrist, preventing you from moving away.
“Hey, look at me,” he murmurs as you slowly turn and blink up at him, your eyes glazing over as you see the hurt coat his beautiful face. “Why are you cryin’, is it… that guy that keeps droppin’ by your doorstep?” he asks cautiously as you flinch at the topic. You swear you hear a hint of jealousy when he says that guy.
You shake your head and pull out of his grip as his fingertips imprint your skin in hot, searing heat. “No, not necessarily…” you mumble as you cross your arms over your chest, trying to get out of this uncomfortable small talk. Why couldn’t he just ask you about the weather like a normal guy would? But Joel Miller was no normal guy. No. He was… special.
“He hurt you?” His eyes are cold, narrowed like he actually cares what happens to you. You don’t know why. He shouldn’t even pay attention to you. You’re not Tess, you're not his to care about anymore.
“He… cheated on me. He won’t stop calling or coming over, even though I tell him to stop. He’s adamant I listen to him. Says it was an accident and that she put the first moves on him, and just a bunch of bullshit answers.”
He’s quiet for a moment as he assesses you, careful with his words as he starts again. “Have you tried hearin’ him out? Maybe he…”
“I don’t want HIM!” you scream as you feel your face burn hot as your eyes start to water. Your red stained lips quiver under the grey clouds that weigh you down to the ground, and you feel like you just said something you shouldn’t have to him.
Joel takes a hesitant step back as his brown eyes grow wide, his fingers flexing against his dark jeans as you see pain reflecting in his eyes, a mere image of yourself that’s broken, bleeding, hollow, lonely. You’re so terribly alone, and you wish he could comfort you. You really do, but he can’t. He’s not yours. Even though you so badly wish he still was.
Your wide-eyed gaze threatens to take you under as you feel regret slipping from your tongue. Why did you make such a big commotion? Why did you say you didn’t want him in that way? Fuck. You start to back up and laugh to yourself. “Sorry, I need to go.”
Just before you can make it your lawn, Joel calls your name quietly. His tone makes you turn on the spot and stare at him with the way his deep bravado voice carries through the nearly spring wind. His eyes are pensive, sad, wrecked. His jaw clenches as he shoves his hands deep in his pockets. He looks like he wants to say something, looks like he wants to spill years of held in thoughts as his jaw ticks back and forth.
“Look, I know I never got a chance to apologize about what happened.” He walks toward you, and you take a step back as you shake your head, knowing what he’s about to say.
“Joel, no. Stop, you…”
“Jus’ hear me out a second. Please.” He looks at you with big, begging brown eyes, and he looks like a wounded puppy with the way he’s staring down at you all broken and hurting, mirroring exactly how you feel. You think he might be just as hurt about it as you still are.
“Okay,” you mumble out as you stand your ground.
“‘M sorry about how everythin’ went down. ‘M sorry for bein’ such an ass to you, about all the stupid fights we had, about everythin’ we ever went through. And I’m so fuckin’ sorry for runnin’ out on you that cold February night. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinkin’ and…”
You hold out a hand and stop him right there as you shake your head. “Joel, we were young and dumb. I was the one that told you to leave. You didn’t really have to, but I never went after you, and you never came back. I thought it was over, that we were over. And clearly we were because neither of us fought to keep the other…”
You feel tears lick the backs of your eyes as you bite your bottom lip and wipe your waterline of any tears that might be escaping.
“I… I would’ve. Trust me, there’s not a day… there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about doin’ what I did differently. And maybe… maybe things would’ve been different. Ya know? Maybe we’d still be…” He rakes a hand slowly down his greying scruff and sighs as he shakes his head. “Fuck. This is… harder than I thought it was gonna be…”
“Joel…” You place a hand slowly over his wrist and watch his brown eyes go from clear to a cloud of haze. “I know you’re marrying Tess. She told me the other day when I saw her watering her lilies. She sounded so excited, so in love,” you cringe as you drop his wrist and take a hesitant step back.
“Oh, she told you?” he asks sheepishly, a bit taken back in a sense.
“Yeah, she did.”
“I see.”
You both stand there staring at one another, eyes alight with sparks of sadness and regret, turmoil that bleeds all over the heated concrete as you face each other. Both standing on a battleground where no one even lifts a finger. It’s just pleading cries and vacant apologies left in the back of the mind. A hollow graveyard that once was a flowering rose garden.
You feel like you should go, should get in your little Toyota and drive away, but you’re so lost and you feel like the world has left you behind. There’s just one more thing that needs to be said, one more bottled up sentiment that you need to get off your chest. So you look him straight in the eyes and say it, taking your very last breath as you bleed out all over his front yard.
“Look, Joel. I’m so happy you’ve found someone that makes you smile, someone that you’re clearly so in love with. I see the way you look at her. You’re so happy. And I’m so… I’m so…” You choke on your last words as tears fill the brims of your eyes, and you wipe a falling tear away with the sleeve of your shirt.
“I’m so… happy that you get to marry the love of your life. You deserve it, you deserve all the happiness in the world. And I…”
Joel grabs ahold of your forearms and squeezes, looking at you with deep chocolate eyes that swallow you whole as soon as you look up into those brown pits of warmth. You feel it then, the absolute wretched wave that crashes over your body as you feel his warm fingertips tattoo themselves onto your skin. You feel it, the memories washing over you as they swim freely in your head. You remember taking a trip to Florida in his new truck, remember laying in the sand while he grazed his calloused fingers down your sandy skin and told you he loved you for the first time, remember how it felt to be under his body as you writhed and moaned with every touch he stole from you, remember how deeply in love the two of you were, if only for a fortnight. It was the happiest you’ve ever been with someone, the happiest you’ve ever been. Even if it only lasted for a second. He was your favorite season, favorite breath, favorite fortnight. Your forever that you wish would’ve lasted longer. But it was over. This was over.
You start to break down then, pulling out of his heated grasp as his fingertips fall from your skin. It’s too much, this is too much. You shouldn’t be here. Not with him, alone. It hurts too much, like a bloody wound that’ll never mend itself back together. The tears start pouring, ruining your mascara as you feel the rain come down slowly over your crimson cheeks.
“I… need to go.” When you turn back toward your driveway, Joel calls your name softly, like he’s afraid to speak your name, like he’s being fragile with a dying flower. You stand there a minute before turning back around, your nails embedding marks into your scraped up palms as you clench your jaw and turn, feeling another warm splash drop against your skin.
He looks so sad, so conflicted as he stares at you with knit together eyebrows, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his denim jeans as you see him slide his tongue slowly over his bottom teeth. He looks likes he’s struggling as much as you, maybe holding things back just like you are. Like the way you still love him. But it’s too late. You’re too late.
“He didn’t deserve you, you know. You deserve someone… someone that’ll make you happy. You deserve the world. And I hope you find it. You’re, well… you’re special. And I hate to see ya cry. ‘M sorry if I was the one who did that to you. And if you ever… if you ever need… ahh fuck. Jus’… take care of yourself, will ya?”
You watch his fingers flex in his pocket, like he wants to reach out, maybe pull you in his arms, tell you everything will be alright in the end, but it won’t, it never will. He’s getting married to Tess, not you. You need to move on, for your own good.
You bite your bottom lip and nod as another sniffle leaves your constricted throat. You feel another warm splash on your arm as you give him a tight smile and turn back to your empty house, a house full of bottled up pain and regret. “Thanks, Joel. B… bye,” you choke out as you walk shamefully back to your front porch, letting the door close with a bang as you slide down the back of the door and end in a muddled ball on the floor.
You let the tears flow, let them burn the backs of your eyes as you feel hot air blow through your mouth. You weren’t supposed to talk to him, weren’t even supposed to let him touch your skin, even if it was just your wrist, your arm, your heart. It’s not supposed to hurt this bad, losing him all over again, but here you are. A ruined mess curled up on the wooden floor. He was your fortnight, your favorite part of every day until he was gone. Just like now. A wilted rose petal that died years ago.
He watches you turn back toward your half wilted rose covered yard, feeling the sting of tears he holds onto as he clenches his jaw and rakes a hand slowly down his greying scruff. He hates seeing you cry, hates being the reason for it, and hates the way he wants to run across your yard and pull you into his waiting arms. He wants so badly to take away the pain, but he can’t, he shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. But nothing is quite right in his mind anymore. No. Not in the slightest.
He still thinks about you, the way he used to tangle his fingers in your hair as you fell asleep in his lap so many times before. He thinks about the way your soft skin felt every time he grazed his calloused fingers down your arms, your thighs, your dripping center as he’d make endless love to you night after night. He remembers it all, the good and the bad. But mostly he remembers the way he told you how deeply he was in love with you that night in Florida, promising you forever as he pulled you in for a bittersweet kiss that would be the start of the end.
He remembers it all. The stupid fights that meant nothing, the way he was so careless with your feelings that night of the fight, the way he walked out in the pouring rain and never looked back, the way he left you brokenhearted, just like you are now as he watches you fade back into the house as you rub your tear soaked eyes. And it kills him, it kills him that a small part of him still loves you. He still loves you…
How can a person love two people at the same time? He doesn’t know why or how, but he does. He still loves you.. and he hates it, he fucking hates it.
He still thinks about you, even when he’s holding Tess against his chest late at night in their bed, even when he brushes his lips against her creased forehead, even when she says quick I love you’s to him every morning before she heads off to work. He wonders what it’d be like to hear it from your lips, on your tongue. He thinks about it so fucking much that he dreams about you, night after night. And if that makes him a bad man then fuck it, he’s already a very bad man.
He may seem happy on the outside, absolutely head over heels for Tess, which he is. But also, he isn’t because that other half of himself is devoted to you. But he’s marrying Tess, not you. So he drinks, downs the whiskey night after night as he suffers from his own stupid past mistakes. A functioning alcoholic that’s drunk off heartbreak and pining that can never be. He’s royally and thoroughly fucked beyond his wreckless decisions.
He watches you every day leaving your house, climbing into your small Toyota, alone, frowning, lonely. He sees how sad you look when you catch his eyes, sees the tears well in your glistening gaze. He knows you probably must be so miserable living across from him, he sees it in the way you carry your shoulders, all hunched and wilting as your beautiful eyes gloss over every single fucking time he looks at you. He knows because that’s how he feels every time he sees you through your kitchen window, staring in a blank daze as he caresses Tess’s cheek and leaves trails of kisses up her soft skin. He knows how you feel. Because believe it or not, he’s just as miserable as you are.
When he finally sees you stumble through the front door and shut firmly it behind you, he lets a single tear fall like rain against his cheek, releasing his pent up frustration and held back feelings like the drops of whiskey he suffocates on night after night. And like the slow rush of February, he lets his feelings flow in the wind, dwindling down the quiet street as your silent cries fade into black. You were only a fraction of a moment, a sweet speck of sunshine that lit up his life, and now it was just a memory blown away by the endless February breeze.
He tries everything in his power not to run across the dew covered grass and stumble up to your porch, bang his rough knuckles against your glass door till you open up and let him over the threshold. He wants so fucking badly to wrap you in his arms, tell you everything’s going to be okay, scrape his lips across your tear soaked eyes as he kisses away the tears that he caused. But he can’t. He just fucking can’t.
He knows you’re on the floor, knows you’re crying your eyes out because of him. He shouldn’t have even helped you with your fallen mail, shouldn’t have placed his calloused and tainted fingers on your delicate and innocent skin, because that just brought back vivid images of you and him together. Imagines that are burned inside his memory as he locks them tightly away. A part of his mind that’s completely blocked off from Tess because she doesn’t know he still loves you. But it’s too late. He can’t have both; he can only have one.
So when he walks down that aisle, he’ll fully devote himself to Tess. No more silhouettes of you in his imagination, at least not when she’s in the room. He still imagines the thought of you walking down that aisle, can already see how stunning you’d look in your long satin dress, envisions you throwing your arms around his neck as he says “I do” and kisses you endlessly for the rest of his godforsaken life.
It was always you he thinks, but time was not on his side, and he couldn’t go back to the past. He’d have to choose between the two of you, and he couldn’t imagine the thought of breaking Tess’s heart. Can’t bear the thought of losing her, but then there’s you. The girl that was once the love of his life, that’s still the love of his life. But he can’t have two loves, that’s not how it works in this life.
So he drowns in his tears, goes back inside as he pours a half glass of amber whiskey, drinks it down like it’ll be his saving grace. You were only a fortnight in his tragic life, but you were the best one. His favorite fortnight. So he’ll pine, burn through the ashes of all his mistakes. He loves you, and it’ll surely ruin his life in the end.
He chases the whiskey down as he feels it burn like hot lava down his throat, letting the alcohol drive his sins away as he stares at your empty kitchen window. You still haven’t left for the morning, haven’t driven off into the glowing sunrise even though it’s half past 8:00.
He hates that he knows your routine, knows it’s fucked that he watches you every single morning. It’s like clockwork the way he reaches for the whiskey bottle as soon as Tess leaves, while he stands in his empty kitchen watching you. He’s such a bad man, but he’s known this ever since he found out it was you that lived across the street from him. That’s when all the feelings came flooding back like a torrential downpour, and that’s why he picked up his awful drinking habit again. Now he takes a shot every single time he sees you, like that’ll help a damn thing, but it never does, it only makes the feelings worse.
After thirty minutes of silence from your window, he takes one last gulp of the toxic amber drink and slides the bottle away, feeling the taste of regret and remorse on the tip of his tongue. He knows you’re on that floor unable to get up, probably staining the hardwood from your tears. He clenches his jaw, embeds his calloused fingertips into the rustic counter and curses to himself under his breath. He needs to fix what he did, needs to put his racing thoughts to bed, so he moves like lightning towards the front door, dragging his sorrows and regrets with him as his boots scuff against the tiles of the front entryway.
He doesn’t have time to process it, doesn’t have a chance to think it through, he just moves quickly. He sprints across your yard, passing half dead rose bushes that he should’ve kept alive. Now they just look like he feels, dead and wilting, both things willing to crumble under his touch.
Now he’s standing on your front porch, the burn of alcohol edging him on as he raises his balled up fist over the silhouette of your door. He doesn’t have time to think, to act, he just has to do something, anything to get you out of his drowning mind. So he stands there burning in the flames of past mistakes and fortnights.
Before his hand can move an inch, he smells it. The morning breeze carrying a whiff of fragrant, lush lilies across his burning nostrils that cloud his foggy mind. The scent of Tess. But he also smells the fragrance of wilting red roses and dewy, clipped grass. The smell of you. Both scents swirl together as he grits his teeth and lets the pain of mixed scents numb his racing mind. He’s fucked, ruined now, but he can’t have both. He has to make a choice. It's either soft lilies or scented rose petals. And god dammit, he wants both flowers. But he can’t pick both, he just can’t. He has to make a decision. One that’ll surely be the end of him. He loses either way he chooses.
Tagging some mutuals 🩵 @msjarvis @littlevenicebitch69 @sawymredfox @bbyanarchist @keylimebeag
@casa-boiardi @vivian-pascal @amyispxnk @laurrrra @rav3n-pascal22 @magpiepills
#jettsflora&faunachallenge#joel miller#joel miller x female reader#joel miller pedro pascal#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel x female reader#joel the last of us#tlou fanfiction#no outbreak au#no use of y/n#joel angst
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Whiskey Tears (Joel Miller x Reader)
Rated: Angst | Violence | Fluff | Age Gap
Summary: You, Joel, and Ellie have been a trio from the start. You were a family, but you find your relationship with Joel withering when he starts to pull away. Now a new comer makes her way into Jackson and into Joel’s heart…
3 months living in Jackson
You were content to say the least. No run in with raiders or evil things that go bump in the night. No sleeping outside. No clickers. No hunger.
To say the least you were happy for being in an apocalyptic world.
That and your little make shift family Joel and Ellie.
Ellie was to say your everything. Your ray of sunshine and a daughter that you would fight the world to keep safe. You both took to each other when you first met her as a firefly designated to escort her along with Joel and Tess to meet the others. You don’t know what was going to happen apart from Ellie being a cute and you still don’t know what happened at the hospital that day… You were immediately being transferred, sent on the road when suddenly Joel was driving past you with Ellie in the back. You don’t know why he stopped for you that day, but the three of you have been through a lot together and you’d put up your title as a firefly to be with them.
But now he has been gone for a week since he went out for patrol. You hadn’t been sleeping well, taking every chance you could to go out and look for him. Everyone could see the restlessness in your stance and the dark circles under your eyes.
You remember crying your worries to Maria after the fifth day of no sight of him.
“He hasn’t been gone this long and I don’t know what to do. I can’t loose him Maria, he is everything to me. He is everything to Ellie. We can’t loose him. I don’t know how to keep Ellie from crumbling when I can’t even keep myself together” You sobbed into her shirt.
“You keep telling her the truth and do what you always do, love and care for her. Just know that whatever happens, Tommy and I will always be here for you both.” She gently pet your hair until you finally calmed down enough to go home.
It was clear that you and Ellie weren’t taking his disappearance very well. Until today…
“Hey!”
You didn’t even get a chance to turn around before Ellie was tackling you into the snow. You coughed the little bit of snow out of your mouth as you took in a breath of air.
“Guess what?” Ellie asking as she sat up.
“You got taller? Because that tackled just took the life out of me.” You sighed as your head fell back into the snow.
The snow felt nice against your skin after a long day of rebuilding fences.
“A woman was found during patrol. I figured they’d shoot her but they brought her here. She’s at the bar with Tommy, Maria, and Joel.” Ellie explained, “Thought you might want to know.”
“Joel?” You sat up excitedly, “He’s back? Why didn’t you start with that? Is he okay? Is he hurt? What happened to him?”
Ellie nodded, “As far as I could tell he looks completely fine.”
Your brows furrowed, “Why is he there and not with us?”
Ellie shrugged, “I don’t know. Apparently he was the one that found the lady and that’s why he was gone for a week. Saved her from raiders or something.”
“That sounds reasonable enough...” You got up, and helped Ellie stand before you were both dusting off your clothes.
You were still unsure of the whole ordeal. Usually if Joel was gone for too long he would immediately find you both to let you know he was okay… Why wouldn’t he this time? Is it because of the woman he found?
She could be young or an elderly woman… You were hoping for the latter if you were being honest with yourself. Joel doesn’t usually help anyone and that struck an anxious nerve in you.
You and him weren’t together. No he made that very clear that night you drank too much whiskey and accidentally confessed your feelings to him… And then you finally got enough courage to kiss him and he kissed you back. The two of you found comfort in each others arms for months until that fateful day when he was stabbed…
Everything changed after that. Those late nights and brief touches ended horribly of course. As he suddenly became more open and caring towards Ellie, he was cold and closed off towards you.
That continued as the months went by until the three of you finally made it to Jackson where you would stay, but you were nothing more than friends possibly family to him… If you could call yourself that.
“Come on.” Ellie grabbed your hand before you could protest and began dragging you to the bar, “I caught a glimpse of her when they rode in. Dark curly hair, dark skin and green eyes. Oh! And a small scar on her neck, I wonder what that’s from? I got a scar once. It was from a bitch back at the QZ…” She began to go off topic as you neared the bar and that’s when the four of them stepped out and oh…
You stopped walking as your lips parted, “Oh.”
You weren’t sure what to say. She was absolutely gorgeous in your mind. Your eyes drifted down to where her hand was wrapped around Joel’s arm.
“That’s weird.” Ellie whispered as she stared at the two.
“Ah! There you two are. Come meet our newcomer, Heather.” Tommy waved the two of you over.
You walked over cautiously as Ellie bounded over to the group. Tommy introduced you both to Heather who waved with her free hand.
Why was she even holding onto him in the first place? Why was he allowing it?
You weren’t exactly paying attention to anything Tommy was saying, your gaze flickering between her hand around his arm and the way he seemed so relaxed.
“I think you’ll get along.” You heard Tommy say, “How old are you again Heather?”
“I’m 46.” Heather smiled.
46…
She was closer to Joel’s age than you were and while you didn’t care about the age gap between you and Joel before… You suddenly felt insecure.
Was that why he stopped touching me? Because of my age?
“Come on Ellie, let’s go show Heather the rest of the town.” Maria said and you watched as the four of them left.
You heart dropped watching the way Heather leaned up and kissed his cheek before she left.
“She kissed you.” You could feel anger rising in your chest, “Why did she kiss you Joel?”
“She didn’t- It’s not like that. She just feels comfortable, that’s all.” Joel sighed as if what just happened was normal.
“You don’t like kissing. You made that very clear.” You snapped as you crossed your arms.
“I don’t want to get into this right now.” Joel pinched the bride of his nose, “Look. She’s going to be staying with us until she settles in.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, “What?” Your voice raised, “You’re joking. Tell me you’re fucking joking Joel. A stranger is staying with us? Are you serious right now? How do you think Ellie and I are supposed to feel about this suddenly being thrown at us? You didn’t even try to find us and tell us you’re okay. We’ve been worried sick for a week Joel! A goddamn week! And here you are parading a girl you found like you’re about to get married. Like you forgot about Ellie and I.” You said with a slight bitterness in your tone, “Glad to see you’re okay by the way—”
“Would you just shut up!” Joel yelled and it was a tone you’ve only ever heard him use on people he didn’t like, “You’re acting like a child.”
It made you flinch back as you waited for him to continue.
“She’s been through a lot and she’s staying with me. That’s final. So get yourself into check and be nice to her.” He stated gruffly before leaving.
You couldn’t believe how he was acting as if the two of you haven’t been through hell. It didn’t go past you that he said me and not us either… You were here first and here you were getting replaced by a damsel in distress. You released a short angry yell before marching off into a different direction.
You found yourself at your secret spot in the small orchard here at Jackson. The apple tree that you planted in spring was barely a foot tall as you sat beside it. Your mom used to tell you how talking to plants helped them grow and it stuck with you even after her death. So you talked to your little tree.
“I don’t know what happened between the two of us. Why did he suddenly pull away from me? We were so happy and now… Now he’s caring for another girl.” I sighed in defeat, “You don’t think he likes her do you?”
You spent the rest of the day there until the sun was about to set. Only then did you make your way home, knowing what you were going to find.
“You’re back! You wouldn’t believe the audacity of Joel.” Ellie crashed into you and wrapped you in a hug.
“What happened?”You asked as you wrapped her in my arms.
You found quickly that when Ellie was feeling overwhelmed she would wrap her arms are your waist and bury her face into your shoulder.
“For starters, that lady is staying with us. She’s already making herself at home here. Oh and Joel gave her your room.” She said and your brows furrowed.
“He what?” You asked.
Why the hell would he give up your room?
“Said something about making sure she has her own space or whatever. I still don’t see why she can’t just stay somewhere else.” Ellie grumbled before the woman in question made herself known.
“Oh! You’re back.” She spoke cherrily causing you to grimace.
“I made us all dinner. I hope you don’t mind, it’s just been a long time since I cooked a decent meal.” She continued and whether she noticed the sour expression on your face, she didn’t mention it.
“Don’t ask me what she made. I don’t know. I probably won’t like it anyways.” Ellie spoke honestly.
“Well… I suppose let’s try and give her a chance… If Joel’s putting this much effort in making her feel welcomed then…” You gulped, “She must be important.”
The two of you walked into the dining room to find the table set and Joel already seated. Heather carried in a pot, the lid covering what was hiding inside. She set it down in the center of the table and lifted the lid to reveal roasted chicken with potatoes, steamed vegetables and pesto...
“I remember Joel telling me this was his favorite, I hope you all enjoy.” She said, her voice a bit too cheerful.
“Is that pesto?” I asked with uncertainty.
“It is!” She smiled.
“I… It doesn’t happen to have pine nuts in it does it?” You asked.
“It does… Why?” Her head tilted in confusion.
“I can’t eat this. I’m sorry.” You looked at the meal, “I’m deathly allergic to pine nuts…”
“Oh… I didn’t know.” She frowned.
“Joel knew.” You barely said over your breath as you glanced over to him.
“I forgot when I told her.” Was his easy reply.
I forgot he said… He forgot about an allergy that could quite literally kill me?
I didn’t mention it when I continued, “I thought your favorite meal was the hamburgers you used to make for—”
“It’s not.” He glared.
He never glared at you before and it stopped you from continuing your sentance.
“I can make you a sandwich.” Ellie said and it warmed your heart.
“Don’t worry sweetie, I’m fine.” You smiled at her before moving to your usual seat in defeat, the one next to Joel’s right.
Only Heather sat down in your seat instead.
You felt the hairs in your arms stand up as anger slowly bubbled in you. The first day she is here and she’s already taking over everything that’s yours.
“That’s my seat.” You said firmly.
“Excuse me?” She looked up at you with wide eyes, acting as if what you said made no sense.
“I always sit there.” You explained again, hoping she would just get up and move, but you didn’t have luck on your side. She sat firmly in place and made no effort to leave.
As you went to speak again, Joel cut you off with a tired look.
“It’s just a fucking seat. Don’t be a child and choose another one.” Joel sighed motioning to the other empty chairs.
Those words left a sinking feeling in your chest the sheer embarrassment you felt had your cheeks flush. You quickly made your way to the far end of the table and took a seat.
Ellie glared at Joel and muttered, “Asshole.” Before taking her seat next to you instead of on Joel’s left.
Heather served Joel and Ellie with a smile on her face and a content Joel watching her every move. It made you want to claw your eyes out. The room was filled with clinking silverware and Heather and Joel discussing the work she will be doing here in Jackson.
Ellie picked at her food with a frown on her face. Usually she would be talking to Joel and you about her adventures of the day especially with his week long disappearance. You could tell she was beginning to feel jealous.
“How was your day sweet pea?” You asked her and immediately saw the way her eyes lit up.
“Well I found out something crazy about how to change a horseshoe.” She said excitedly and a smile broke onto your face.
“Really now? Tell me more about it.” You said and the rest of dinner was filled with Ellie’s story about horseshoes.
When the three were finished eating, Heather looked over to Ellie.
“How was dinner?” She asked and waited for an answer.
Ellie shrugged, “Eh, not as good as mom’s.” She stated as she got up and left to put her plates into the sink.
Those words lifted your spirits and brought a small smile to your face.
“I thought it was really good Heather.” Joel said and you watched as Heather leaned down to kiss his cheek for the second time today.
You got up and left, not wanting to see anything else. Instead you made your way to the kitchen where Ellie was washing her dish. You decided on swiping an apple from the fruit bowl to suffice as your dinner for the night.
Heather soon popped her head in the kitchen with the rest of the dishes. She set them by the sink before announcing to the both of you that she was heading to bed.
“You should head to bed as well El’s. You have a big day taking care of the horses by yourself tomorrow.” You said as you took nudged her away from the sink, “Dont worry, I’ll finish up here.”
“But what about you? Where will you sleep? You can stay with me if you’d like, I don’t mind.” She said and you gave her a smile.
“I think I’ll take the couch tonight. I’d like to get in some reading and I might be up a while.” You said.
“Are you sure?” Ellie asked you one more time.
“Positive. Now head up to bed sweet pea. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You gave her a warm hug before she left.
You turned your attention back to the dishes and began to wash them in silence as you thought about where any extra blankets might be.
“I’m sorry I gave up your room.” Joel’s deep voice filtered through the cold air.
“You didn’t even ask me if that was okay.” You stated without looking back, “That is my room.”
“I know.” Joel nodded, “She was panicking on where she was going to stay and I wasn’t thinking when she asked.”
At least he acknowledged what he did was stupid.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you since you’ve been back, but we don’t admire it Joel.” You said, referring to you and Ellie.
You finished putting away the dishes and finally faced him. Even after being a complete ass, he was still handsome.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find extra blankets for the couch.” You stated bitterly as you walked by him.
He grabbed your arm before you could leave, “You’re staying in my room tonight. I’ll stay on the couch.”
“I’m not going to make you sleep on the couch Joel. You’ve been missing all week. You need a comfortable bed.” You sighed and tried to pull your arm away from him, but he wouldn’t budge.
“No.” His gruff voice had chills run up your arm.
You squinted at him before an idea popped into your mind.
“Fine.” You stated shortly before tugging him behind you to his room.
“What are you doing?” He asked you, but didn’t pull away.
“We’re sharing the bed.” You stated simply as you tugged him into his room.
When it dawned on him he finally released the grip on your arm and took a step back.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He said.
“Why?” You crossed my arms, “It’s not like we haven’t slept together before, in both senses.” You huffed and motioned to the bed, “We can share a fucking bed or do you think I’m going to kiss your cheek and cuddle up to you? Is that what you and Heather did to keep warm?”
“Shut up.” He snapped, but he couldn’t seem to make eye contact with you, choosing to stare at the wall instead of your sullen face, “I don’t think we should be doing this.” He continued, his voice more gentle this time as if he was trying to calm down a rabid wolf.
“Why?” You stepped towards him, “What is so wrong with me that we can’t even share a bed anymore?” You tried not to let your voice crack.
“It’s not right. What we did. It was because we were lonely. I’m 56 years old and you’re just kid. It was wrong—” He began to say but you cut him off angrily.
“I’m 27 years old. I’m not a fucking kid and you know that.” You glared, finally able to look into his deep brown eyes, “It wasn’t wrong either. Don’t say that. Not to me.”
“I don’t want to argue about this.” He shook his head, “I’m sleeping on the couch.” He stated firmly as he turned to leave.
He was halfway out the door when you spoke up with tears in your eyes, “I love you.”
“I know.” He said before he shut the door behind him.
Leaving you alone once again to take care of your tears and Joel left to tend to his glass of whiskey.
#dbf joel miller#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#joel miller#joel tlou#joel x reader#joel the last of us#joel and ellie#joel miller angst#joel angst#pedro pascal#papi pedro#pedro x reader
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Fetish II. Eyes don´t lie
Teacher!joel x f!student
18+ explicit minors dni
Serie masterlist
Summary: Mr. Miller gives you more attention than ever, you are his priority, you want to become his favorite student, so a visit to his office doesn't hurt anyone, you just want him to help you solve the topic of your thesis.
Word count: 9.5 k
Warnings: Teacher-student, age gab (reader in her early 20's, joel in his late 40's) pet names, sexual fantasies, flirtation, slow burn (not so slow), Feeling of guilt, Mention and consumption of alcohol, hangover, Mention on teacher/student relationship, Swallowing medicine pills, Mention of vomiting (nothing explicit), Professor Miller's Aftercare, they are both two consenting adults, fear of being found out.
Friday.
"Good day, students. Today we're going to talk about two branches of anthropology that are very important for understanding human nature: physiological anthropology and pragmatic anthropology," Joel said, walking in front of the class and writing the title on the board.
It was a fact that that crush was now an obsession, you didn't know how to get Joel out of your head, you couldn't help but romanticize every single thing he did or said, you beat yourself up mentally for sexualizing him, but it was kind of impossible to stop when the clothes he wore fit him ridiculously well, it was impossible for him to look attractive with everything. The vest he wore over his white shirt was ridiculously hot, you never imagined him with a vest and now, you can't get the image out of your head.
"First of all, physiological anthropology" He paused, looking at everyone in the room
"Physiological anthropology is the branch of anthropology that studies the biological dimension of the human being. It deals with the physical and psychological characteristics that are common to all human beings, regardless of their culture or era"
You could feel your body present, but your head was somewhere else, thinking about so many things that have nothing to do with matter
"Some of the topics that physiological anthropology studies are:
|Human Anatomy
|Human Physiology
|Human Psychology
|Human Evolution"
His gaze passed over your seat, several times, but you didn't realize it because you were so gone that you didn't know what he was talking about, you only saw his lips move, the pen around his fingers as he wrote on the blackboard what you assumed were subtopics, the truth is that you don't even know.
From Joel's perspective he assumed you were paying attention, as you saw him with furrowed brows and followed his steps, but the moment he stared at you, saw how your eyes were gone, he could perceive that you were not quite present in the class.
"Physiological anthropology helps us understand how the human body works, how we think and feel, and how we have evolved as a species" He finally says, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose, arms crossed as he walks back in front of the class, looking at everyone as he continues to explain.
"Now Pragmatic Anthropology is the branch of anthropology that studies the cultural dimension of the human being. It deals with human characteristics that are a product of culture, such as values, beliefs, customs, and social norms.
Some of the topics that pragmatic anthropology studies are:
|Culture
|The Society
|Education
|Religion
|The Art
Pragmatic anthropology helps us understand how human society is constructed, how values and beliefs are transmitted, and how emotions and feelings are expressed" He paused, took a breath, and asked, looking at the whole class
"Could any of you tell me what's the difference between the two?" he look at the blackboard and look at them again, some whispered some answers but with the fear of making a mistake they said nothing.
"Miss" he said your last name 1 time, you didn't listen, you just saw that his eyes were glued to you, he named you for the second time and your friend nudged you. At that moment you felt your body for the first time since he entered the room, a shiver ran down your spine, while you saw your friend.
She just made a gesture to you with her eyes open, you know she scolded you mentally. You looked back at Joel and he was arms crossed 'shit in that pose yes he looks bigger and stronger, concentrate' looking at you over his glasses, his lips were sealed and his expression was serious as he watched you, you could feel all the eyes on you waiting for your answer.
"Sorry?" You apologized by looking down and looking at him again "I didn't hear the question" You interlaced your fingers in your lap nervously as you mentally begged him not to humiliate you.
"i ask who knows the difference between the two topics we just talked about" He looked at you as he got closer so he could get a better look at you since you were in the third row, a little out of reach.
"I… I don't know," you said nervously, shaking your head softly
You saw him duck his head as a sarcastic laugh came from his lips, shaking his head, walking up the stairs, walking down the hallway that left him in front of you and looking into your eyes, you could see disappointment in them.
"Of course you don't know, you didn't pay attention to a single word that was said" he said seriously, his words hurt you, and more because everyone listened while looking at you
"if you are in my class it is to learn, I don't stand here every day so that the words go in one ear and out the other" this time he said to everyone, his voice sounding deeper as he walked away from you and down the stairs returning to the center
A silence covered the room for a few seconds when a squeaky female voice made itself present, you shrugged your shoulders as you felt your ears bleed at the sound of that voice.
"Go ahead, Miss Vince," this time Joel's voice sounded calmer and softer
"The main difference between physiological anthropology and pragmatic anthropology is that the first deals with human characteristics that are common to all human beings, while the second deals with human characteristics that are a product of culture"
"That's right, as clear as water" He looked at you and you just looked down at your lap where your cold hands were hiding.
"Physiological anthropology is more objective, as it is based on observation and experimentation. Pragmatic anthropology, on the other hand, is more subjective, as it is based on the interpretation of cultural phenomena" He said, going back to the blackboard and writing the key words on it.
You felt so small, you felt a lump in your throat, you felt an anger inside you, you tried to control your heavy breathing. You looked at your hands and you could see and feel the waterline in your eyes fill with tears, you didn't want to cry, not in front of them, not in front of him, you didn't want him to see the power he had over you. You took a deep breath, wiping your eyes quickly, as you looked straight ahead and made a note in your notebook.
"In conclusion, physiological anthropology and pragmatic anthropology are two fundamental branches of anthropology since they help us to understand human nature in all its complexity, both in its biological dimension and in its cultural dimension"
The rest of the class went on normally, you just didn't look at him, you just listened and looked at the blackboard to make notes of what he wrote. You were quiet for the rest of the class, even when roll call you just raised your hand, at the end he just let them read a file that he would send them.
You left the room without even looking at him and hurried out. It was 6:30 a.m., with Mr. Miller's class being the last. Even though you had an appointment with the student counselor, that's why you had to run since she was leaving early.
"Where are you going?" shouted your friend seeing you hurrying down the hallway
"I have to catch up with ava, I need to talk to her" you yelled back saying goodbye with your hand in the air and disappearing around the corner.
Being true you wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible, you couldn't stand the presence of everyone around you, let alone his presence, you really felt hurt, you knew he was right, you weren't paying attention, but it wasn't necessary for him to talk to you in that hurtful tone, it was the first time you saw him angry, And you're the reason.
Your high heels echoed off the shiny floor of the school as you walked down the stairs, walked a few doors along the hallway into one that said 'teachers' office'. Past the doors you could see a long corridor that led you into the offices, several Victorian-style windows and within the space were scattered the offices of each director of the school.
You walked to the right where the office of ava, the student counselor, a beautiful lady who had been working at the university for 10 years. You knocked a couple of times on the wooden door and from inside you heard 'come in'.
You walked in closing the door behind you and when you met her gaze you gave her a smile.
"Hello" she said your name "Good afternoon, how are you?" she said in an enthusiastic voice, whenever you saw her she looked happy, you didn't know how she could be in a good mood being locked in those 4 walls.
"hi, Well thank you, how are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine honey, tell me what brings you here," she said, adjusting her glasses and leaving some sheets beside her.
You sat in the chair in front of her desk and left your backpack on the floor
"Well… I wanted to talk to you about my thesis topic"
"Okay… How can I help you?"she crossed her hands in front of her at the desk.
"I thought maybe you could… Or well, I know you studied psychology, right?"
"That's right," she nodded, taking a sip of her coffee
"Well, my thesis talks about transpersonal anthropology, and I know there's a topic in psychology about that, and I wanted to know if you could give me some important points about that, or your knowledge in it," you said kindly giving her a smile
"Of course honey, it's just a long topic and I have to run home, so how about Monday you come and we talk about it."
"Sounds great"
"How about 2 p.m.?"
"Yes, I'm free at that time"
"Perfect" A knock interrupted your talk, Ava gave way and a head peeked out of the door
"I'm sorry to interrupt Ava, but Professor Miller came looking for you a while ago and asked me if you could stop by his office for a moment before you left"
"Of course, thank you for letting me know" they closed the door and you and Ava got up from their chairs "What subject does Professor Miller give you?" she said as she took her things and put them in her bag
"Mmh philosophical anthropology" you bent down taking your backpack and passing it over your shoulder
"It would be very good for you to talk to him about your thesis, He knows more than I do because he reads a lot about the different branches of anthropology."
"Amm I hadn't thought of it" you said showing a forced smile as you followed her to the door, she opened and gave you space to go after her, she locked the door and looked at you
"Come with me, we'll tell Professor Miller if he knows about it" she said as she walked past you, you stood with the word in your mouth
"Amm… No.. I don't think he have time" You couldn't help but get nervous as you walked down the hallway to his office, this being one of the last at the end of the hallway
"Of course he has time, he's gone until 8," she said as she greeted the teachers who passed by you. "I love his office, it has a beautiful view of the forest behind campus" she look at you over her shoulder before knocking twice on the wooden door that said in black letters on the glass 'Mr. Miller'
"Come in," a deep voice rang out, sounded from inside through the door.
Ava came in first greeting Joel kindly. You stayed outside, you took a deep breath before peeking out of the doorway, making Joel aware of your presence, making the smile on her face slowly disappear as you entered and closed the door behind you, staying leaning into it looking at both of them.
Your breathing quickened a little more as your eyes met, you didn't want to be there, you didn't want to see him and you guess he didn't want to see you either. You looked at Ava and smiled nervously at her, clasping your hands behind you.
"We hope we don't interrupt Professor Miller" said Ava standing in front of his desk
"Not at all Ava, Amm" he look at you and look back at her "I wanted to tell you about the student outing that will be done at the end of the month" he said playing with the pen he had in his hands
"Of course of course, we must change some details about that...amm I have the itinerary in digital, If you want, I can send it to you and talk about it on Monday."
"Of course that would be wonderful" he nodded quickly and took a deep breath seeing the two of you with a tight smile on his lips
"Oh it's true haha" she walked over to you and took you by the shoulder approaching you to the desk, making you being closer right in front of him, she said your name "wanted to ask you if you have any knowledge about transpersonal psychology, It's for her thesis on transpersonal anthropology"
God, she looks like your mom speaking for you.
"I have knowledge on both subjects," he said, looking at her and not you.
"Perfect, I told you he knew," she said smiling at you and you just smiled back "Can she stay so you can explain a little about the subject?"
Your eyes widened looking at her "I don't think Professor Miller has time for that" you said laughing nervously, shaking your head.
"Well… I'll stay a few more hours, so I have time," he said looking at you, this time his voice sounded deeper
You stared at him for a moment swallowing, felt your ears rumble.
"You see, Professor Miller is always there to attend to his students, see you on Monday Mr. Miller" Ava said goodbye as she made her way to the door, Joel said goodbye, and you only felt the air from the door blow behind you, feeling Joel's presence heavier than ever.
"Take a seat" he said, pointing with his hand to the chair in front of him
You sat down leaving your things aside, you breathed deeply. You watched the room as he got up and picked up some papers on the shelf in the corner.
His office really was big for a simple professor. There were two large windows behind his desk, the ceiling was twice as high as the rest of the school, there was a brown leather armchair at the other end of the room, a coffee table in front of it and a warm light lamp on one side of the armchair. Several bookshelves adorned the walls, some paintings and recognitions.
His desk was kept simple, a laptop, papers on one end and a few books on the other end, his glasses were kept on one side of his case while a coffee cup was kept empty on the other side of the laptop. His office was kept lit by a few warm lamps that he had around the office. The little light of the cloudy afternoon came in through the windows, which were kept open letting the cold breeze into the cozy cube.
Your teeth gnashed from the cold coming in, as the afternoon was cold at this time of year. You were dressed in jeans, your top being a white long-sleeved shirt but a little open at the chest, revealing your collarbones and your locket hanging from your neck.
Joel walked back to the desk, leaving some papers on the side of the laptop.
"Okay" sat down in front of you as he leaned back in the chair and let out a heavy exhale from his lips "Tell me you'd like to know" his lips moved as he rested his right arm on the armrest of his desk chair and rested his thumb under his jaw, index and middle finger on the hundred and the others rolled into his palm.
You couldn't breathe properly, it was hard to inhale and exhale slowly. It makes you feel strange to be in his office alone, like those old days, you were only in the same situation once, but it was for no seconds, now it was different, because it was you and only you who was with him, without people to take his attention away from you.
"Well…" You breathed as you watched as he swallowed and his Adam's apple went down and up, while his gaze stayed on you, serious. "I have an initial basis for my thesis, the introduction, which is transpersonal anthropology and psychological anthropology, but… I wanted to talk about both fields but it's a bit impossible since it's too much of both subjects"
"It's not impossible if you're talking about topics that are intertwined between the transpersonal and the psychological, you would have to investigate if any research of this type has already been done, so you can have some sustenance or support"
You were about to speak when he interrupted you
"And why don't you focus on a specific topic about transpersonal anthropology?
"Because I'm still interested in psychology, and I think it's something that can go hand in hand with the transpersonal in the social area" you said, clapping your palms in your lap, while smiling at him with sealed lips.
He smiled at you, nodding.
"Can I see your research preview? If it doesn't bother you"
"Sure," you took out your cell phone and opened the file. You held it out to him, he reached out and took it in his hands, making your phone look small in his hand.
He looked at the screen as his hand reached out to grab the glasses that were next to him and put them on, you looked at him and you could see the reflection of your cell phone in his glasses as he rested his elbows on the wood of the desk.
You watched as he wagged his finger up on the screen, you could see through his glasses as his eyes moved following the letters on the screen. You could hear his breathing, which honestly bothered you a little bit when people breathed too hard, ugh you couldn't stand that but… Being him was fine. You moved your foot impatiently and nervously, something Mr. Miller could notice.
"Do you want coffee?" he said as he looked at you through his glasses, and the fine lines on his forehead were present.
"n.. no, I'm fine," you let out a small nervous laugh. He only nodded, smiling slightly and looking back at the screen.
"Don't be nervous then" echoed in your ears along with his hoarse tone of voice, that tone you longed to hear close to your ear, that delirious.
"I'm not nervous, just impatient" you said looking at your heels while keeping your hands crossed in front of your chest.
You saw how he put his arm down and put your phone on the desk and slid it towards you. You watched your cell phone rest on the wood with the screen on, you saw the small black letters that were written on that screen, and you could see that he had read to the end of the document.
"I think it's okay," you looked up and saw that he had crossed his arms while he saw you still with his glasses on.
"Just okay?" you looked at him incredulously and frowned.
"What do you want me to say? It's only 3 leaves," he said seriously, without taking his eyes off you.
"Won't you tell me that I need to expand the introduction further? check my spelling mistakes, that I need to paraphrase the texts well"
He bit his lip and denied
"No, I think you have everything under control" You stared at him in silence "did you expect me to tell you something else?" he said raising an eyebrow
"A little yeah... you used to correct me only by the index of work" you said quietly, looking at your heels.
You heard how a little laugh sounded from his chest, you looked up and he smiled at you, you saw in his eyes such a beautiful sparkle.
"You're so cute" Your chest would explode if he told you that
"Well, if you put index inside it… It's very obvious that it's wrong, sweetheart"
Shit, did he… Did he actually call me sweetheart?
"Sorry..." you said in a whisper
"You don't have to say sorry, it's okay," he said, looking down at his arms.
"I'm sorry to expect a lot from you always"
He looked up in eye contact, and you saw his face turn into surprise and confusion at your confession.
"What do you mean?" This time he lower his arms so he can get closer to the desk and be close to you, with the wood being the only thing separating you both.
You sighed as you saw his confused expression. You should be honest with him, let him know how you feel about him as your teacher.
"Honestly…"You paused to breathe "You are my favorite teacher, from the first day you taught us I saw the passion you had, how much you like to help your students… and I.. I just want to be as good as you."
You looked at him in silence as he processed what you said
"You are very smart and you know about everything, I wish I was good at everything and that it was easy, that I could know the subject easily" you sighed heavily "I know you expect a lot from me, and I'm sorry I didn't pay attention in class today, I know you put effort into your work and I know you want us to learn as much as possible, I really shouldn't have lost focus"
He didn't need to know all that, but you were frustrated by his class, and you felt like he wasn't evaluating you properly because of your attitude. He was silent for a few more seconds, maybe you had sounded pathetic when you said all that… Was it too much to say?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound pathetic"
"Don't apologize please" You looked at him and he was already looking at you. "It's nice that you tell me that I'm your role model, I know you're an amazing student, i can see that you're determined to get what you want, you're responsible, you have ethics, that says a lot about the person you are" he smiled at you "and the class… Don't worry, I know I'm not always going to get 100% attention, and I shouldn't have talked to you like that in front of everyone, I apologize for that." You could see the regret in his eyes
"Thank you" you nodded and gave him a half-smile, he smiled back nodding
"and just to be clear… You're also my favorite student" a mischievous smile appeared on his lips as his eyes narrowed.
You gawked at him as you watched as he stood up, grabbed his cup, and walked to the coffee maker behind him, with his back to you, a perfect view of his back.
"Really?" you couldn't help but sound happy and confused at the same time
"Yes," he said, still with his back turned
"Since when?" he was going to speak but you interrupted him "Is it because I said you're my favorite teacher?"
You heard him laugh and look at you over his shoulder. He fell silent looking at you and you just frowned, waiting for his answer eagerly.
He turned around and replied
"since the first time I saw you, last semester"
Your smile faded, your mouth dried up, you felt your hands turn cold.
Was it true? Or was he screwing you? For a moment you thought about that day… And was it impossible for you to remember everything, what he had seen in you that day? As far as you can remember, you were quiet the whole class, you only participated by telling him your name and some of your hobbies, but other than that… You don't remember saying anything interesting about the class. You wouldn't let curiosity kill you, so you bravely decided to ask him
"what did you see in me that day?" You leaned your elbow on the desk and your fist held your jaw as you stared at him.
He turned around with a blue mug in his hand walking to the desk, putting the cup in front of you. You looked at him confused.
"I didn't ask you for one"
while he went to the coffee maker taking his cup he replied
"take it, I don't accept a no"
You smiled, you looked at the coffee and saw that it was black.
"Amm I don't like black coffee"
He finished filling his cup. He walked silently to the side of the coffee maker and took a small piece of cardboard, walked with both hands full, left his cup in front of his chair and held out the cardboard, you took it and looked at the letters, 'vanilla flavored milk' it said on the front.
You smiled at him in appreciation. It was a bit odd that he had this in his office, as you always saw him drinking black coffee all over school, he didn't look like someone who drank lattes, and less vanilla flavored.
You filled your cup a little with the milk, closed it, and set it aside. While Joel was looking at the furniture full of books that sat at the other end of his desk, in front of these two pieces of furniture was a dark olive-green three-seater armchair, it was spacious.
You don't know how many times you'd admired how good he looked, it was ridiculous the space it has in your mind, the number of times you think how fine it looks.
You took the coffee, and left it on the desk when you saw Joel approaching you. Joel came back to you but this time with a book in hand, left it on the desk and sat down in his chair.
"This book could be useful for your research, and for you to learn a little more about anthropology"
You brought it closer to you' Transpersonal Anthropology. Society, Culture, Reality and Consciousness, DIEGO R. VIEGAS ́ you read on the cover of the book.
"You've given me a book before, remember?" you said, double-tapping the book.
"And?" he take from his coffee looking at you through his glasses
"Why do you give me another one?"
before answering you he taste the taste of coffee in his mouth, lick his lips and look at you.
"It's for my favorite student to learn and I don't go around scolding her in class"
You felt your cheeks burn, you looked down, but not before seeing how he smiled and crossed his arms.
Heck, he knows the effect that had on you.
You laughed, trying not to sound nervous. Was he making you nervous on purpose? Even though it was somewhat innocent the way he did it, but why call you his favorite student and give you 2 books from his bookshelf, you would never do that, your books are sacred to you, you would only recommend them and that's it, but give it to someone? You should appreciate that person so much to do such an act, even love him too much.
"You didn't answer my question," you said as you sipped from the cup, looking at him over the blue pottery
You saw how he smiled and shook his head. He scratched his beard, which was adorned by some gray hair on both sides of his jaw.
"I remember … You were at the front of the class, I thought you would be one of the ones who talked all the time, but you never participated, you just nodded to what your classmates were saying, and I thought 'what a weird girl, why being at the front when you don't participate' only heard your voice when you introduced yourself, and knowing what you liked to read… I liked you immediately, It made me tender to see you nod and take note, you are very calm, and you have a lot of knowledge, even if it is hard for you to believe it"
You didn't know that he had noticed you that way from the first day, he took the time to study you between classes, that he would be interested in you because of your taste in reading. It felt strange in any way that he would tell you that, it felt very… private, very personal. Some teachers would just say that because you were responsible and paying attention, they were satisfied with that, but not Joel, he saw something in you that you weren't sure was visible to you, it's like what you see in him.
You remembered the way he treated you, the warm, soft tone of voice in which he addressed you. The smile that appeared on his face when you approached his desk, how his eyes sought you when he asked them to participate, the attention he paid when you presented a topic in class. All the attention you felt you had at the beginning became less and less as the months went by, but whenever you sought him he was there for you. And now… You felt all the pressure on you.
"Well… I wasn't the only one who knew" you shook your head grimacing, you lowered your gaze and looked at your red nails "there were other colleagues who were more diligent"
"No one like you" you looked up shy to see a different reaction in their eyes. You swallowed and just denied it.
You had exactly one name on the tip of your tongue, a name that had been on your mind the previous semester, you were afraid to say it, to say it in front of it, but it's a perfect opportunity that you wouldn't pass up.
"Melissa" you finally said, you tried to sound as normal as possible.
You looked up and as you had imagined. His face changed, his eyes turned dark and his features hardened, he tried to disguise it with his tone when answering.
"What about her?" he leaned over the desk and intertwined his fingers on the desk.
"She was just like me… passionate about the same topics, but she did participate" you smiled nodding, pretending you liked her.
"Well," he paused and took a moment to think and blink as he looked at you, "I think… She was different from you… From what I saw in class, I don't think you should compare yourself to her"
You held his gaze when he finished speaking. You didn't know how he did it, but if you knew what really happened, you'd say he's good at lying.
"I'm not comparing myself, I'm just saying she could have been your favorite student too" You shrugged and took one last sip of the coffee in front of you.
"I don't usually go around thinking about who my next star student will be, but you'd be surprised to know that you're the first favorite student I have"
You laughed, shaking your head and covering your mouth with your palm as you laughed. On the move you caught him directing his eyes at your body, but it was in the blink of an eye.
"I must be special, I guess"
"You must be," he smiled at you, showing his teeth as he looked at you with a twinkle in his eye.
Sunday.
The smell of the night after it rained was something different, the breeze whipping through the curtains of your room, the sky full of gray clouds too big to cover the sky in its entirety. The street outside your house was silent, you could only hear the heavy air squealing out your window breaking through. You were lying on your bed, while it was being kept tidy you only had an old blanket on top of you, in fact it was from one of your favorite childhood movies, high school musical.
You had two pillows behind your head for extra support. Your eyes stayed focused on the show you were watching. For you, Sundays meant resting and not talking to anyone, there was something about Sundays that felt different from the other days of the week. Normally you didn't go out, you weren't a person who liked to go out all the time, your social battery drained very quickly if there were too many people.
As you ran your hand over the locket hanging from your neck, you remembered that first week of the previous semester, the way Joel noticed that you had changed your necklace.
"What happened to the previous one?" he said, his arms crossed as he leaned his hips against your desk.
"I put it away, don't you like this one?"
"It's very nice, you must keep something very precious inside"
"I don't put anything in it yet" you laughed slightly
"Well, when you do I want to know"
It was part of you, of your personality, it was attached to you by some invisible rope that you didn't know how to detect, the feeling, the power that made that necklace so special to you. It's like with Joel, you didn't know what force brought you closer to him, you didn't know what contained that human being who made your thoughts his, maybe you maintained a closeness that no teacher/student would have, but for you it was something innocent and vague, he was just doing his job helping you with your work.
The comment your friend had made to you ran through your mind over and over again 'no teacher would express himself like that about a student, let alone tell her that she is his favorite student, I doubt that any teacher in his life has had one'. You didn't want to think that he might have a little interest in you, because if you look at it from his point of view… What the hell could he see in you? You weren't mature or attractive enough to be with him, plus it's impossible to have any kind of relationship with him.
Things after Friday had been different, despite not seeing him for 1 day, you couldn't stop thinking about his gaze, how he smiled when he looked at you, the seriousness on his face when you named melisa. You really wanted it all to be a lie, you begged it wasn't the kind of teacher who sexually harasses his students until they get what they want. If you ever had a chance to be with him, you wanted to be the only one, you wanted to be special to him.
Even if you thought you were deluded because let's face it, he is an adult man, older by almost 26 years, he has a life made, he has stability, he is a mature person full of experiences, he is single, attractive, he can have any woman with him if he wants, so why settle for a 21-year-old girl who on top off that is his student who has damn mental and commitment problems, and in need of attention all the damn time.
Hell, you were so dam hard to yourself at times but you had to keep your feet on the ground. You were damn smart that you knew that if you got into the game it was going to be easy to get out of it, you shouldn't take it so seriously, you'd let everything flow in its wake.
You know he needs a woman, but you could give him what no one has done for him, you wanted to be his weakness so badly, you wanted him to beg you to be his… and you wanted to beg him to make you his again and again.
Your thoughts tormented you when you were alone, you couldn't help but think about different things at once, for you there was no such thing as the phrase "one crisis at a time" you worried about something that didn't happen yet or you didn't know if it was going to happen, and to top it all off, you thought if there was a solution when the only damn solution is to stop thinking about it.
Your brain was talking to you too much and that's why you overthought things. You were halfway through the series when your cell phone vibrated against the wooden surface of your desk next to your bed.
It was your friend who had sent a message. You grabbed your phone and lay back down. The screen of your phone lit up your face making your eyes narrow from the flash, you smiled as you read your friend's message.
You better be dressed up, I'll pick you up in 10 minutes, I don't take no for an answer
Does being in my pajamas work for you?
Don't fuck with me, let's go to a karaoke bar, I'll give you another 5 more minutes
You sighed when you read the last message.
You didn't know what to wear, you were thinking about a dress and a jacket but the day was very cool and you would probably freeze to death when you left your house. Your best bet was jeans that fit beautifully, black heeled boots that reached below the knee, and a black backless t-shirt and denim jacket.
As your friend promised, I'll arrive at the time she agreed for you. They arrived at the karaoke bar, which you had never been to, it was a good atmosphere, a central place with a lot of people. Inside was a place with blue, purple, yellow, and pink lights illuminating the place, and some warm lights so as not to overwhelm the view so much.
They were round tables, each one separate from the other, the stage was at the back of the place, it wasn't that deep, you could see the people from the entrance perfectly.There were 2 sections as one was karaoke and the other was a bar, but they were connected by the bar where you could turn around and see everyone on the other side.
Since the place was very popular, they had to enlarge the place, and some people who didn't enjoy being among the hustle and bustle so much went to the other end. There were people of all ages around. You walked inside the place and Katy Perry's roar song was playing all over the place.
Even if you didn't know how to sing well, people had fun, no one was judging, it was all laughter and shouting encouraging people to sing and dance.
They approached a table that was relatively in the center, and other girls they knew from college from another major were at the table. When you saw them you greeted each other happily, you took off your jacket and left it on the back of the chair, sat down and chatted for a moment before others got up to sing. You and your friend decided to go to the bar for drinks for all four of you.
"This place is sick" you said, looking around the place as you waited for drinks.
"I know, how come you've never come" she tapped her fingers on the dark wood
"You know I don't usually come this way"
"I'll have to get you out, you can find someone to have fun with"
"So you get them from here?" You said laughing mockingly
"Yes, but I get them from the other section"
They both turned to the front and saw a few men between 35 and forty-something, up to 50. You could see them coming in and out of the bar, many of them were looking at karaoke.
"So you're going to that section just for that?" You looked at her and she laughed slightly
"I use the bathroom too" you both laughed.
They returned to the table with the drinks. Time passed slowly, the atmosphere was so good that the four of them got carried away and drank a little more, but since you were not used to drinking your friends held it better than you without a doubt. You laughed, sang and danced like everyone else in the room.
You were so gone that you didn't know that one of your friends had put them on the list to go up and sing.
"It's going to be our turn" the redhead said, drinking from her glass.
"What for?" you said, wiping the drink residue from your lips.
"we´re gonna sing buddy!" the blonde said screaming as she got up from her seat.
If you had been in your 5 senses you would be nervous, dying of anxiety, resisting but since you were under the influence of alcohol, you stood up dancing. You didn't think of anything, you didn't rush for a moment, you decided it was your time, you felt good, it was in the air so, why not?
They were passing by the tables when they were called.
"The next group will sing, a round of applause for these beautiful ladies" Applause and some whistles were present when they took the stage.
..............................
"You guys said it would be a bar, not this place," Joel said as he wrinkled his nose.
"Come on men, this place is amazing"
"and let's not forget that you can find beauties here"
Joel had gone to the same karaoke/bar with his friends, they had been to that place many times, Joel let´s say he was not a fan of karaoke.
They came in and heard applause and whistles from the people. The place was a little more crowded when he arrived, they went to the bar next to the karaoke and sat on the closest stools they could find.
"We have a good view tonight," said one of his friends who, like him, was a teacher, only he was a medical teacher.
They ordered their drinks, and before they could start talking, the melody of a song began to play.
"It's not the one they dedicated to you, doctor," he said with a laugh as Joel joined in.
"At least I had a reaction from a woman, tell me what you got?" he laughed
"Two beautiful children" he looked into his eyes
"crikey" Joel said, drinking from the bottle
You and your friends started singing, and Joel still didn't realize that two girls on stage were his students.
"I told them I wouldn't have as much time in class since I'd be doing work somewhere else" the doctor said, sipping from his beer bottle.
"Then you won't teach at the university anymore?" said Joel as he held the spout of the bottle.
"I think I have better opportunities in the other place, honestly it's overwhelming"
"overwhelming?" said the other "It's overwhelming to have kids, and a shitty job that pays the minimum monthly, plus you get the best, you can see beautiful and young girls without commitment"
The doctor and Joel looked at each other, shaking their heads, smiling.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you friend but… I don't work in that place for the girls" he said, shaking his head as he looked up at the stage,
"Joel?"
"No, I'm sorry, I don't either" he rub both palms into his jeans.
"you´re both idiots, you could be with whoever you wanted" he grabbed his beer and pointed to the singing girls.
"¡Carve my name into his leather seats!" the redhead sang at the top of her lungs.
"Just an example, imagine that those girls are your students, wouldn't you notice them?"
Both men turned to the stage, the doctor made a face and turned to look at him, while Joel cocked his head, observed and recognized one, your friend who did the chorus and danced, he laughed, and of the other 3 he was amazed when he saw you, he focused his eyes thinking if it was really you or was he hallucinating.
'is that…'
"Why do you keep thinking that?" said the doctor, tapping his friend's shoulder.
"I'm just saying, it's hypothetical" he looked at Joel and laughed "I think Joel did like the idea"
They both looked at Joel and he pointed his finger at both of you
"those two are my students" the two of them turned to see who he was referring to and made a surprised face, more than anything when they saw how one of them, I mean you, had your eyes narrowed trying to read the lyrics but without losing your style.
"Slash a hole in all four tires, maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats" You sang while hugging your friend.
"Are they your students? On a Sunday night, they'll be with a good hangover"
"da bomb" said the doctor raising his bottle in the direction of you toasting
"they won't be my problem tomorrow" said Joel laughing without taking his eyes off you when he saw your funny expressions and trying to concentrate on the lyrics.
When they finished singing, the audience applauded and whistled. They came down from the stage smiling and cheering each other on.
For your part, it had been an ecstasy of emotions, you were sweating from your forehead from so much dancing. They walked to their table and they all fell tired while laughing.
"That was incredible" shouted the blonde
"it was" said your friend drinking from her glass
"Shit, I'm sorry girls but I have to go to the bathroom" you said standing up, your friend got up too
"I'll go with you"
You both walked to the bathrooms on the side of the bar, a few glances turned to you. When I came out already refreshed, they were going through the bar when you got dizzy and stopped.
"Dizziness" you laughed lightly, leaning back on a bench that was alone.
"You've had a lot to drink, let me ask you for a water" your friend said as she asked for the bottle.
"Damn, that man is so cute" you murmured, taking the bottle that your friend held out already opened.
Your friend turned to see who you were referring to and her eyes almost popped out at who it was.
"Is that your boyfriend" she elbowed you and you frowned, confused,
"boyfriend?" you wrinkled your nose looking at her.
"Mr. Miller," she turned to look at you while smiling
"Shit" you muttered while squinting to get a better look
"It certainly looks good in casual clothes" your friend mentioned, looking at it the same way.
You got up and walked over to where he was, slowly approached with your friend behind you and raised your hand greeting him from afar, he smiled nervously at you.
"Mr. Miller!" you said excitedly, smiling at him.
"Hey you" he laughed when he saw you
"what a coincidence, professor" your friend said as she looked at the other two men.
"Shouldn't you be in bed at this hour?" said Joel, wanting to sound serious but failed to see you looking him up and down.
"Oh my God, I just found my father" your friend said sarcastically and you couldn't help but laugh.
"We just wanted to get closer and say…" You took a breath and looked at him "you look great tonight, Mr. Miller" You smiled, cocking your head and blinking. "You look very lonely, do you need company?"
Joel took a big breath and exhaled while laughing
"thanks for the compliment...and I'm not alone" he looked at his friends with a closed-lip smile and they just held back their laughter.
"Well… They're not going to know how to beg for it so..." you bit your lip.
"Okay, see you at the college Mr. Miller" your friend pulled you by the arm. You left laughing on the way to the table and your friend did the same.
"You're crazy" she said as you both sat down.
"Who's crazy?" said the blonde.
"She" pointed at you with her eyes "She dared to hint to our professor"
"Is your teacher here?" The blonde narrowed her eyes
"Wow, she's drunk" said the redhead, eating from the tortilla chips
They all laughed, you told them a little about your little crush, you pointed them out from afar, he was still at the bar with his friends, while you watched him talk animatedly.
From Joel's perspective, he found the way you expressed yourself very funny, you didn't hesitate to say what you thought, he liked it, you seemed like a totally different person from the girl he is used to seeing, quiet, reserved, shy, respectful and above all introverted, with a gentle and sweet look. The girl he saw through his eyes was someone else, but he didn't dislike it, he saw in you a girl who knows how to have fun, without care, flowing with the environment, being herself and not afraid to express whatever is on the tip of her tongue.
....................
Monday.
You cursed the moment you thought it would be a great idea to drink alcohol, until you were knocked unconscious in your friend's car. You'd beat yourself mentally while you were in the bathroom complaining about the migraine you had, while wiping your mouth with water.
"Shit, I can't stand it" You held your forehead with the palm of your hand as you came out of the bathroom.
You didn't want to go to the first hour, your head was exploding and you hadn't found any pills in your entire house, and on top of all that, you had an empty stomach.
You stared at the classroom door, debating whether or not to enter.
"Mmh" you stood in the hallway.
You thought about your options, and you thought it would be a good excuse to go to Ava and ask her for a migraine pill. You walked into the teachers' offices, visualized Ava's door but knocked and got no answer, and remembered that she was arriving a little later, after 8.
You saw the doors of some teachers and administrators open, but you didn't know any of them, you had no choice but to walk to the end of the hallway. You saw the door open and peeked out. He had his back to the door, as you would suppose he was pouring himself his coffee. You knocked twice on the door to get his attention. He turned around and was surprised.
"Good morning," he said hoarsely as he looked at you with a frown.
"Good morning" you said, poking out your whole body and standing at the door.
"Come in, tell me how I can help you" he put the cup down from under the coffee maker and rubbed his palms on his pants.
"Sorry for bothering so early," you winced.
God can't stand even my own voice.
"You're not a nuisance, tell me," he walked over to the coffee pot, looking at the cup.
"I wanted to know if you didn't have a migraine pill" The way you said it was so soft and silent that he turn to look at you with concern.
"Are you okay?" he walked over to a drawer of his desk and looked inside as he put on his glasses and looked at you on them.
"No, I feel like my head is exploding.
They were silent as he rummaged through the drawer. You saw how he picked up a box, opened it, and pulled a pill out of the wrapper.
"Here, it's Dexketoprofen, it'll help you better than an aspirin" You held out the palm of your hand and he placed it in it.
Without saying anything, he handed you a bottle of water.
"Thank you"
You were about to put it in your mouth when its voice interrupted you.
"Have you eaten anything yet?" he looked at you with a worried countenance.
"amm… No" you said sadly, watching as his left hand rummaged through his back pocket, he pulled out his wallet and spoke.
"I'll go get you something, sit down, you must have something in your stomach before you take it."
You sat in the olive green armchair waiting for him. It wasn't long before he walked in the door, you looked at him and his hands left some crackers and an orange on the table. You gawked at things.
"I'll make you a green tea, okay" his voice sounded calmer and softer.
You saw how he went straight to the hot water that he kept in a different coffee pot and poured the water into a cup, took the sack out of the wrapper and plunged it into the water.
You were too tired and sore to say anything. A little attention doesn't hurt.
You didn't know why he was being so helpful, you weren't his responsibility after all. You saw him worried about you, maybe he felt sorry that you were so bad, you felt that you smelled sick and that disgusted you. You felt embarrassed that he saw you like that, you felt so horrible that you didn't want anyone to see you, but he was helping you, being so helpful, you didn't know how that made him twice as attractive.
You saw him come to your side with a cup in his hand. You drank, ate, and took the pill he gave you to relieve the pain in your head.
You felt powerless, you felt weak. It was anything but funny, being locked up with him in his office, smelling of perfume, soap fresh out of the shower, and the essence of coffee, while you smelled of medicine, tea, sick person and vomit for sure.
While he was looking at you with those big brown eyes of his. Her lips parted trying to find words to make you feel better. He was as presentable as ever, his hair fresh and slicked back. The shower hadn't helped you much, it just gave you the power to come to school but you couldn't stand being in it anymore… Not even having set foot in the classroom.
"You need to be careful with alcohol," you looked at him and sighed heavily, "if you can't handle it, don't drink," this time it sounded more demanding.
"Well… You're no one to tell me how much to drink" you looked at him with crooked eyebrows "it's my responsibility"
He nodded, "I know you can be responsible, you're a big girl after all, aren't you?"
You just rolled your eyes back and snorted, drinking the last of the tea. You put the cup down on the coffee table and looked at it.
"Thank you for… This," you pointed to the leftovers in front of you.
"Anything for my favorite student" You looked at him a mocking smile appeared on his face, which made you let out a small laugh mocking sarcastically.
It was a challenge to be around him, he made you feel so small at times, so vulnerable, so loved and damn needy. And sometimes stupid.
You smiled shyly at him as you said goodbye. You got up and in doing so you got dizzy. He reflexively grabbed you by the waist and by your arm, you grabbed his shoulders for support. You closed your eyes and breathed trying to get back to your posture, when you opened them you saw him in front of you, close to you.
He looked at you worriedly, you're sure he asked you if you were okay, but you were gone, it was the closest you'd ever been. He looked at your face to see if you gave any signs, while your thoughts desired something else.
You thought this was your chance, maybe this was the right moment, maybe finding yourself sick in his office was meant to be. You could have thought twice but you didn't, it was now or never.
You looked him in the eye and looked at his lips. He was looking at you confused, maybe you were about to faint and he was still holding you up without doing anything else.
You felt so close to the moment when you felt a hot liquid from the back of your throat rise, burning your windpipe, vocal cords and reaching your roof of your mouth in a matter of seconds. You felt like it was an explosion that came out of your mouth, you didn't want to open your eyes, your gaze was down. Whatever came out of your mouth, it was all over him, his clothes, shoes… You could even feel it on your face, you could feel traces of it on the edges of your lips. But you prayed he wouldn't have a trace on his face. You swallowed hard and heard his voice.
"I think… You must take the pill again."
Fucking hell. Swallow me.
Thanks to Bard's artificial intelligence for giving me insight into the topics of physiological anthropology. we love imagining Joel teaching and being damn smart.
Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it, tell me what you thought and what you would like to see in this controversial "relationship".
#joel miller fic#joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal characters#joel miller fanfiction#smut#joel tlou#x reader#joel x f!reader#joel x you#joel x female reader#teacher! joel#teacher attachment#teacher x student#hot teacher#teacher crush#angst#joel angst
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Right Person, Wrong Time
Joel Miler x Female Reader
AN: This is for @undercoverpena 's April Showers Challenge. And for once, I did not write smut. I know, who am I? This is not beta'd or really proof read. I'm basically having imposter syndrome over the whole thing soooo...Love you, say it back, bye!
You know that famous saying, “Right Person, Wrong Time”? Well, that was Joel Miller. He had the potential to be the absolute love of your life, but as a single father to a teenage girl and a small business owner, he just didn’t have the time right now. You were about to turn thirty, him thirty six in just a few days time. So, the night before his birthday you made the gut wrenching decision to end things with him.
“What do you mean we should see other people? There’s no other people.” He proclaimed, eyes filling with tears, mirroring yours.
“It’s just not the right time. I want to get married and have a baby, Joel. Do you really want that?” You have to remain strong, it had only been three months, you hadn’t met Sarah or any of his family. Same with your side, he knew about your sisters but no one else was at risk of being hurt by this break up outside of the two of you. This was the right thing to do before you both got in too deep.
Right Person, Wrong Time.
Almost twenty five years later and you still find yourself replaying that conversation. Every September, Joel flashes behind your eyelids - still perfectly clear, almost like it had just happened yesterday. Dark curly hair, patchy scruff, big brown eyes and furrowed brows; one day he’s going to have a permanent crease between them from all his sexy scowling. If you focus hard enough, you can feel his rough and calloused fingers on your skin. You can still hear his deep and silky voice, almost managing to make you feel lighter every time he said your name or called you darlin’ or sweetheart.
“That feel good, Darlin’?”
“That’s it, sweetheart. Let go for me.”
The outbreak happened not even 24 hours after you broke up with him. Had he survived? There’s no way you survived and he didn’t. Your suspicions were confirmed the day Tommy Miller showed up.
For the most part you liked to keep to yourself, running the community garden. You’re thankful for the small and safe community, but word gets around. And when you hear that Tommy’s brother has come to town you shrink even further back into the shadows, unsure if you want to see him again. Would it hurt more if he remembered you, or if he had no memory of you and that conversation that has imprinted itself upon you? Joel Miller is your last memory, both happy and sad, before the world fell apart.
Him, and the little girl he showed up with, left before you found the courage to approach him and soon winter took over Jackson, leaving you without the garden. Without the distraction from your thoughts of Joel.
The winter is long and brutal. April finally rolls around, and you trudge out into the rain and head to the dining hall for dinner. The gates open in the distance, but you’re lost in your own thoughts. This is more rain than you have seen in months. The garden is going to love it, you think. Just as you’re about to step up the creaky wooden steps you hear your name. It floats across the commune in a deep, gravelly, and oh so familiar voice.
You stop, tears flooding your lash line and the mud squeaking under your rubber boots as you turn to look at him through glassy eyes. Your lips part and your mouth goes dry at the sight of him. The world around you melts away. All you can see and hear is Joel Miller. He’s aged, grey peppers his temples and facial hair, he has those lines that you knew he would permanently etched between his brows, but those big brown eyes are like they’ve been frozen in time as they dance around your face.
“It’s you,” he says softly, voice shaking in a mix of sadness and relief, as he takes a few steps towards you. “I-I can’t believe it. I’ve, well…” He rakes his fingers through his soaked curls as you stare at him. The rain is coming down in a steady sheet, the ground becoming a muddy mess, and both of your clothes completely soaked through. You haven’t taken a breath in what feels like hours.
It’s you.
“I have thought about you almost every day since the world fell apart,” he continues, his warm voice washing over you like molasses. “When I was at my lowest I would think of that little dimple you get when you smile, or that time wine came out of your nose from when you laughed at that stupid joke I made. I don’t remember the joke, but I remember how happy you looked as the sun set and the orange glow lit your skin. I’d remember the way your face scrunched up when you tried whiskey for the first time. I would remember where all your freckles are, and how soft you were against my lips as I kissed every single one. I’d think of that first time we made love, how I’d never felt that overwhelmed with emotion for another person before, how in that moment I realized that I was truly fucked when it came to you. It was anything you wanted, sweetheart. Even if it meant you wanted to break up. I never should have let you go, darin’. I’m so sorry. I tried to find you before we fled for Boston.”
By the time he’s done talking you’re right in front of him, chest grazing his, close enough that you can feel the heat of him. You have no idea how you got that close to him. You don’t remember moving your feet. Joel Miller, your Joel Miller. Greyer, lines around his eyes, but yours.
As the rain pelts down you waste no time, reaching up around his neck as he lifts you up and into his embrace. Your noses graze as you whisper a quiet ‘I missed you so much’ into his lips.
“I’m never letting you go, baby. Never again.” He says and then you press your lips into his in a searing kiss. It lights your whole body on fire, you feel like you’ve been hit by a defibrillator.
You’re alive again.
====================
Taglist:
@corazondebeskar @hiddenbabynyc @rainstorms-library @smutsmutslut @sullyrocky44 @keylimebeag @pimosworld @casa-boiardi i @pedritoferg @lorilane33 @pansexual-potatoes @baar-ur @jessthebaker @jasminedragoon @koshkaj-blog @pedroswife69 @strawberri-blonde @none-of-this-makes-any-sense @iloveenya @javierpena-inatacvest @blazeflays @akah565 @pinkiec6-rubi @pedroshotwifey @iluvurfather @ashleyfilm @mermaidgirl30 @untamedheart81
#undercoveraprilshowerschallenge#joel miller#joel miller tlou#pedro pascal#joel the last of us#joel tlou#joel x reader#joel miller x reader#joel angst#joel miller angst
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Joel Miller fluffy blurb with the prompt 'Whose blood is that?’
Maybe some hurt comfort?
Uh Duh. This is so cute. I had to use the emotions from this episode to bring out extra feels LOL
I step out into the cold air with Ellie under my arm, her quiet sobs making my heart break as we step further away from the burning building, tears flowing down both of our cheeks. I look down at my red hands with guilt consuming me but I keep repeating to myself 'you did what you had to do'.
Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder and I whip around, ready to fight as Ellie reaches out to punch at the mans chest who I soon realize is Joel.
He looks to me with frantic eyes as he soothes Ellie to the point of breaking, loud sobs escaping her as he cradles her head. "I've got you babygirl. It's okay." He whispers, eyes not leaving mine for one second as my bottom lip wobbles.
"Whose blood is that?" Joel asks me, all of a sudden drenched in worry as he reaches out to me, not letting Ellie out of his grasp as he takes my hand in his, squeezing it to bring me back to reality, my hazy eyes struggling to focus in on him.
"He tried to-"
"He's dead." I cut Ellie off, wiping my hands off on the tops of my thighs as Joel's eyes lower to look at the red staining my cargo pants. Without another word, he pulls me into his arms alongside Ellie, both of our sobs filling the air with the sound of crackling fire in the background.
I suck in a desperate breath and I feel a hand on the back of my head, soothing me in the best and only way Joel knows how to, knowing how much I need him close, touching me, when I'm losing myself in the darkness that consumes us.
"I've got you." He whispers, pressing a simple kiss to the top of my head and I let out a breath I was holding onto, the images of the past twenty minutes flashing through my mind, reminding me of the horror that Ellie and I endured at the hands of that vile man.
I look up at Joel, leaning into the hand that he places on my cheek, cradling me as if I were made of glass. His eyes are worried, flickering across my expression frantically to look for any sign of distress but it's all internal, swarming my mind like the plague that takes hold of the infected.
"I've got you." He repeats and I nod, feeling a tear roll down my cheek and onto his thumb that sweeps it away and I feel Ellie's eyes on us. I reach out to her, tucking her head in the crook of my neck as she lets out a shuttered breath whille Joel leads us away from the burning building behind us.
Ashes to ashes.
#joel miller#joel#joel x reader#joel miller x reader#joel angst#joel miller angst#joel miller fluff#joel fluff
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I’m literally running out of angst to read. WITHOUT smut. Please I want my heart broken in the best way.
#joel angst#pedro pascal angst#pedro pascal#joel miller angst#joel miller x reader#tlou#joel miller fic
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You
Masterlist | The last of us masterlist
Requested : No!
Prompt 15 “this song reminds me of you.” + 42. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Pairing : Joel Miller x (she/her) reader (No use of Y/n)
Type : fluff!
Contents : Age gap, mutual feelings, grumpy x sunshine, swearing!
Word count : 1.6k
You're loved :)
--------
"Sooo..." Ellie spoke up, walking alongside Joel as you walked ahead of the pair, just out of earshot. He raised his eyebrow, not turning to face her and waiting for whatever comment to come out. "When are you going to tell her?" she asked, a smirk on her face as she watched in amusement, seeing his face change through multiple emotions. "Tell her what?" he asked, trying to stay calm as he gathered she was most likely just messing with him - after all, it wasn't that obvious was it?
"You like her!" she huffed, rolling her eyes at the male as he shook his head vigorously, coming out with excuses. "I absolutely do not, Ellie. She's closer to your age than she is to me!" he half lied. It was true, you were younger, but Joel was so oblivious to the constant hints you had sent. Unknown to you, she had picked up almost instantly, as well as Tommy who had agreed to help her plan in getting the pair of you together. "God, you are so stupid sometimes! She doesn’t care about age!" she groaned, scratching her forehead.
Joel bit his tongue as he looked ahead, his eyes settled on you. It was lightly snowing on your way back to Jackson, soft snowflakes falling. He watched as you looked around, taking in the scene around you. Despite the world having gone to shit, you still managed to find good in everything - perhaps that was the reason he kept you around. You saw the good in him, the side he couldn't even see himself anymore. He found comfort in you, seeking you out when he needed it the most. You listened to him and his doubts, always managing to assure him that he was doing the right thing and he was protecting you and Ellie. You told him how much you appreciated him daily. Showing him things he never thought he'd ever see again.
You had one of his spare coats on, your's currently being fixed by Maria as it got torn on the last patrol you and Joel took. It almost drowned you, due to Joel being bigger built but it kept you way warmer than your own did, making you thankful for the fence that had ripped it. "See! You're oogling at her!" Ellie pointed out, earning a frustrated groan that was loud enough for you to hear, evident as you turned out in concern, switching between the two. "Is everything okay?" you asked softly, Ellie smirking as he glared at her. A small smile was plastered on your face as you watched the pair of them act like children.
"It's fine sunshine, she was just telling me those stupid puns." he lied, glaring at the girl one more time before he carried on walking, now in front of you. "What did you do?" you asked, sighing as he only got into these moods when he was frustrated. She put her hands in the air, shrugging. "I'm innocent, he's just being a moody old man." she attacked, earning a snicker from you. "Don't be mean Ellie." you warned, a playful smile on your face as she grinned back, letting you pull her into a side hug. "Hurry up, unless you want to freeze out here!" Joel called, a stern look on his face.
"Coming!"
----
You walked into the room, immediately gasping as you set your eyes on the familiar piece in front of you. "Ellie!" you called, gaining the girl's attention. She gasped as well, watching as you opened the draw underneath, seeing the multiple types of vinyl. The labels on them had been worn away, leaving the band and songs on them a surprise. "Woah!" she whispered, pulling them out. "What'd you find?" Joel asked, still focusing on the food he was cooking in front of him. It wasn't a fancy meal, but it was enough to fill you all up for tonight until you got your next load of food. "Vinyl player." you breathed out, grinning at the male who hummed.
"How do you play it?" Ellie spoke up making you panic as you saw what she was doing, about to break it. "Hey, hey, hey, wait." you gushed, walking over and taking it out of her hands, placing it on properly as it played. "Dinner's ready." Joel announced, letting you take Ellie's arm and bringing her to the table to sit with you and him, leaving the music playing
----
"Come on, time for bed." you ushered, squeezing her arm. Unlike most nights, you knew you'd have no issue with persuading her tonight due to how tired she was from today - she was already practically asleep on your shoulder anyway. "I'll carry her up." Joel assured, already picking her up as you went to move, sending him a small smile. "Okay." you said softly, getting up and walking to the vinyl player to change the record.
He carefully carried Ellie up, making sure to avoid any creaks in the stairs he knew were there and pushed her bedroom door open with his foot. She had managed to make it her own since you and Joel had agreed on moving to Jackson permanently. The cracked walls were repainted with a blush red she had asked for, lights strung around as well as a pinboard, polaroid pictures pinned to it thanks to the camera Joel had managed to find on a patrol with Tommy one day.
"Joel?" she called softly as he pulled the covers over her, Ellie already having gotten changed into her pyjamas earlier. "Hm?" he responded, letting her know he had heard you. "Thank you." she stated, knowing she didn't have to expand and he would understand. He took a deep breath, kneeling beside her as he brushed the hair off of her face, illuminated by the lamp next to her bed. "It's okay." he mumbled, a weird feeling of nostalgia growing in his stomach as it reminded him of Sarah. He got up, reaching to turn the lamp off as they shared a smile. As he walked over to the door, ready to walk out she spoke up again. "I'm no longer cargo, right?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly causing him to feel guilty.
Ellie was similar to Joel in many ways - the one way you were able to point out was overthinking. It was a natural thing to do, all humans do it even you, but she rarely spoke up about it. She would decide to keep quiet than confront it and bottle it up. This was one of the very rare moments she'd let it show, especially since she was now slightly older. She was determined to be independent, to show she didn't need any help with anything, just to prove herself. "No, kiddo. You haven't been for ages. We see you as family." he comforted, trying his best to word it.
We. The word rang in her head, making her grin as she realised that not only was she sure Joel saw her as family but so did you. You saw her as part of your family. Her stomach filled with butterflies as well as a fuzzy feeling, getting rid of her doubts and certain she was where she belonged. "Now get some sleep, Kiddo." Joel told as she nodded before realising he couldn't see. "Goodnight Joel." she bid, snuggling up to the plush you had given her ages ago. "Goodnight baby girl." he smiled, pulling the door gently.
Carefully, he made his way down the stairs, coming back into the living room where you were still sitting. When you saw him, you gestured for him to sit next to you, his arm instinctively wrapping around you as you laid your head on his shoulder. The gentle, familiar tune filled the room as you smiled. "Dance with me." you questioned, looking up and feeling your cheeks heat up as you saw him already looking at you. His face changed; uncertainty obvious as he doubted the idea. "I don't know..." he sighed, looking at you as you stood up, frowning at him. He didn't say anything else, instead standing up and wrapping his arms around your waist as your arms were around his neck.
Your head was pressed against his chest as his head rested on top of yours, swaying you softly along to the song. "This song reminds me of you." you admitted, catching the man off guard. He thought to himself for a few minutes before responding. "How?" he asked, curious as to what to respond. You scoffed as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "Because I know you'd give up everything just to be me and El." you spoke up, answering as if it was easy. The comment put a smile on his face, making him happy that you were somewhat aware of the extent he'd go for you two - his girls (admittedly he'd go further than you probably think, but he wasn't going to tell you that).
His eyes welled up slightly as he thought how lucky he had gotten. It was a living hell, yet he'd found two people who didn't see him like the others. They didn't see the ruthless, cold-hearted killer that he'd lost his brother over for a bit. He was safe with you two like you were with him. Even though he was the protector, you two helped him feel safe from everything. Able to forget about the current state of the world when he was with you two, giving him a place to rest - like a sanctuary. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he admitted, seeing you had pulled away and wiped the tears he hadn't even noticed were falling. You rubbed his tears away with your thumbs, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
"Well, thankfully you'll never have to know. "
#joel#joel x reader#joel x female reader#joel x you#joel x y/n#joel imagine#joel imagines#joel oneshot#joel oneshots#joel fluff#joel angst#joel fic#joel fanfic#joel fanfiction#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel miller imagine#joel miller imagines#joel miller oneshot#joel miller oneshots#joel miller fluff#joel tlou#joel tlou x reader#joel tlou x female reader#joel tlou imagine#joel tlou imagines
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eat your young (series masterlist)
pairing: joel miller x fem!reader
synopsis: you had often been paired with joel miller during jobs at the boston qz. although you've never had a full conversation with him, his rugged good looks and strong work ethic made you form some feelings for him.
what happens on a run for tess that leaves you alone with him for a trip that's supposed to take two months?
category: smut, angst, hurt/little to no comfort
coming soon
#joel miller fanfiction#joel x reader#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller#joel miller angst#joel smut#joel angst
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please don't go: a last of us fic
after David / Silver Lake / post-episode 8
angst, Joel & Ellie bonding, 99% canon compliant
rating: mature - content warnings re: s/a, violence, gore, more
The best found father-daughter duo help each other recover, work through their trauma, stay alive - hopefully a satisfying fill in for things we didn't get to see after winter !
if you're after a long read here's one for you
work in prog! +100k words
ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7 | ch 8 | ch 9 | ch 10 | ch 11 | ch 12
I'm no longer copying this over to tumblr because it got way too long and it's too much!!!! Read on ao3 for the updated chapters
please don't go: chapter 1
Ellie’s frantic eyes finally seem to focus on him, and he can see her body language shift immediately. The hard adrenaline fuelled tension in her muscles sinks away as her face falls into unsettling blankness – he didn’t think it was possible but she somehow looks even smaller. Her lips start moving but she isn’t saying anything. Only low, halting sounds, whimpers and soft gasps of air that slice into his gut with a hurt nearly as sharp as the sewn up hole in his side.
“It’s me,” he hears himself repeating. Never feeling more useless in his life, except for - it feels wrong to think of Sarah right now, with Ellie so immediately in need in front of him, but the image of her pink t-shirt soaked in blood swims up in his mind anyway, crystal clear even 20 years later, her heaving and jerking belly so small it’s easily covered by the width of his hands until it suddenly stills. He learned a long time ago that he’s helpless to fight it when this moment flashes back to him.
This is what is written in the stars for Joel - his girls, too good and too sweet to know better than to trust him until that mistake catches up and they pay with their blood. It’s what he deserves. But - he’d seen it coming with Ellie - he’d known he wasn’t going to be able to keep her safe - Tommy would have never let - why the fuck does he keep existing when he’s so goddamn weak, worthless, worse than - poison, ruining everyone he -
Ellie moves towards him and presses her face into the crook of his neck with more babbling - a word too this time, “He-” - and the weight of her, the warmth of her cheek against his is the only thing that could possibly bring him back into his body.
He feels his blood pound in his head as he wraps his hand up around the back of her neck – so impossibly small – tangling his fingers through her knotted hair, holds her against him like she’s made of glass. Her whole body is trembling.
“It’s ok, baby girl,” he says in a breath as he shuts his eyes, trying to keep himself upright against a surge of heartache. He hears the words as if someone else has said them, like they didn’t leave his lips – but immediately feels the truth in it. The wall he’s tried to keep up between Ellie and Sarah, the nothing-but-bullshit line he’s drawn to try to somehow separate what they are to him is gone. There’s no more pretending. She’s his to take care of – that’s how she ended up here shaking and bleeding, after all, isn’t it?
His penance for failing Sarah is a life sentence, but Ellie’s still here, in the flesh and breathing (he thanks the god he’s never believed in). She needs him present more than he needs to hate himself. There’s a future full of self-loathing stretching out ahead of him - time for that later. For now he just needs to get her safe.
“We need to leave, baby,” he says, clearing his throat as it strains from the lack of use. He feels the urgency as the words leave his mouth – they don’t stand much of a chance if more men are coming after them, and though he’d die before he let anything (else) happen to her, who would be left to take care of her then? He pulls back from holding her to look at her face again, eyes tracking over the hollow look in her eyes and the fresh blood splattered on her skin. He’s never seen anyone who needs to be taken care of more.
“Are you hurt? Can you walk?” He waits a moment for an answer that he knows isn’t coming. Ellie’s little fingers twist and pinch on the sleeves of his jacket as she holds onto his arms, but she’s still standing. He sees the moment the shakiness that he felt running through her body moves from invisible to visible, and on instinct he quickly slips off his pack, shrugging off his jacket to wrap around her. She’s swimming in it.
“I’ve got you, honey, let’s go,” he says as he shifts to her side, wrapping his arm around her as he begins moving through the snow. Walking again makes the ache in his side throb angrily and he clenches his teeth to keep from groaning out loud.
Ellie starts shuffling along next to him, thank fuck – he’s sure he couldn’t carry her now – but she’s unsteady. After a few steps she falls against his side, leaning her weight against him like she can’t stand on her own. He hates that he’s so weak he feels his body start to do the same. His brain conjures up an image of the skyline as they left the Boston QZ so long ago – two crumbling buildings fallen inward, holding each other in place.
Ellie stumbles and he tightens his arm around her to keep her upright. She makes a noise, half choking and half swallowing, sounding like the air is being pushed out of her lungs.
“It’s ok, I’ve got you,” he keeps saying. It’s all he can offer. “I’m here.” It’s not enough.
---
Going back along the road towards the suburbs seemed like a death sentence – they're moving so slowly, and clearly the area was within the boundaries of where the group they’re running from was willing to go. If anyone was coming after them it would be the first place they’d look. But the longer they push forward with nothing in sight the more he’s convinced he's made a mistake that will kill them.
It's near silent in the aftermath of the snowstorm, and it’s rough going along the edge of the woods with patches of snowdrifts occasionally blown so high they nearly have to climb their way over. They’ve both sunk down half way up their shins more than a few times and their wet jeans are freezing against their skin.
He doesn’t know how they’re still going. They’ve been moving for hours.
The only noise is the occasional whistle of the wind, and it’s not enough to cover up their heavy breathing and slow, shuffling steps crunching through the snow. It makes it obvious when Ellie starts to flag, the cadence of her steps shifting as her feet start to shuffle and drag more than stepping, and he tries to swallow down swelling, suffocating dread as he scans around them for somewhere to rest. Time is running out – the sun, he’s horrified to acknowledge, has started to dip behind the tree line. He’s hurting more intensely the longer they walk, and he’s sure Ellie is too. Her breath is coming in pants and whines – she sounds so young he aches.
When snow starts to fall again around them, softly first and then steadily picking up, he fights back the urge to start screaming.
They’re fucking doomed – their bodies are running on empty. They’ll stumble soon and find they can’t get up, and he won’t be able to do anything at all other than pull Ellie close to him as they wait to freeze to death. No sooner has the thought crossed his mind than Ellie crumples at the knees and his mind goes empty with terror. He tries to squeeze in the arm around her when he realizes she’s sinking but he’s too slow. She thumps down hard onto her knees on the ground and is only spared from ending up face first in the snow by the way her upper body slams sideways into Joel’s legs.
“M’ sorry,” she’s mumbling, he realizes in horror as he drops down with her and grabs her shoulders to stop her from collapsing. His wound is fucking ripping as he kneels. He tries to soothe her as she keeps trying to get words out.
“Sorry, I ca- I –” seems to be all she can manage before she falls back into silence. Her teeth are chattering and she’s weakly grabbing onto his pants as if to pull herself up, even as her lower body remains motionless. She’s too weak, too tired. She’s done.
Joel takes a breath, and then another, and another. His vision is tunnelling as he drowns in the fear. This can’t be it.
“Gotta get up, baby, we can’t stop here, gotta get you somewhere warm,” he’s saying, knowing damn well that no such place is around. Ellie closes her eyes and leans her head into him like she’s falling asleep. An angry sob catches in his throat.
He closes his eyes and leans his face down into the top of her head, breathing her in and out, sliding his numb fingers into her hair to hold her tight against him again, and looks around asking a miracle.
And finds one.
From the slightly lower vantage point, he can see just a few feet further into the trees, below the bottom branches of a cluster of pine trees, and there it is, undeniably - wood. Pressure treated. It looks like the edge of – a porch?
He shifts sideways to see more and really tests the limits of the stitches in his side – fuck, fuck, fuck – and he’s flooded with relief. It’s not a porch – just a couple wooden steps, leading up to what has to be the bottom of a door. A cabin? It can’t be more than 50 feet away.
“Ellie, look,” he croaks out, and she doesn’t move. He points. “Look, there’s a building – we just gotta get there and we can rest, ok?”
For a moment he thinks she’s still not responding, and she doesn’t turn to look where he’s pointing, but he feels a small nod as she moves her head, and she mumbles a quiet “’Kay” into his shirt.
He’s breathless with pride – she’s so goddamn tough, the strongest person he’s ever met – and the fresh surge of adrenaline is enough for him to stand and tug her up on wobbly legs, to tuck her back into his side and move them forward, foot by shaky foot, moving away from their almost-grave in the snow.
-----
working on transferring from ao3 to here but here's the ao3 link if you want more now - updates regularly on ao3 (36 ch so far!)
#last of us fanfic#joel and ellie#tlou fanfiction#ellie and joel#tlou fic#god I love Joel Miller#this whole fic is a love letter to Dad Joel so if you are a fan of that enjoy#joel miller#dad joel#silver lake#Joel angst#ellie angst#protective joel#ellie is a badass#Joel loves Ellie#Ellie loves Joel#please don't go#the last of us
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✨Tear You Apart Prequel✨
Series Masterlist
A/N: The prequel is finally here! It came to me out of nowhere today while I was listening to “Wait” by Knuckle Puck on a loop. Now that, my friends, is the power of music. I love this little series so much, and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written! I love getting into the pit of Joel’s grief and showing that underneath all the hardness is just a soft man that wants someone to understand him 🥹 He deserves all the love.
Pairing: Outbreak! Joel x fem! reader
Rating: Explicit (18+ Only MDNI)
Word Count: 2.3k
Chapter Summary: This is where it all began, the first time you ever met Joel. He’s mean, rough around the edges, but you see through him. You feel his grief as much as you feel your own.
Chapter Tags: Outbreak au, Joel captures reader, dark! Joel, tender moments, grief, angst, tension, Joel needs a big hug
Dividers by @saradika-graphics
The sharp rope scratches at your skin as you try to free your bondaged wrists from behind your back. You rock against the wooden chair and grit your teeth together as you bite back the urge to scream. It’d be no use. You’re under his watch, under his control, under his eyes. Those dark black pits that are filled with nothing but regret that devours his eyes, feeds on his soul like a pit of ash and nightmares. A monster that devours anything he can control, anything he can get his calloused fingers on.
He wants control, he thinks he has it, but that’s not the case. Not exactly. Because control is a weakness. He’s just a man that’s ruined from a dark world who has nothing left but his own misery to spread to anyone he can claw his jagged nails into. He wants others to feel exactly how he feels. Grief can do that, can change a man into a blood sucking monster. And that’s exactly what he is, the worst kind of them. Vengeful, disconnected, full of regret, used. Just like you are.
You watch him stalk around you, circling you like a vulture as he glides his calloused fingers over your skin. You see the way he moves. Slow, concentrated, shoulders hunched as the green flannel clings to his broad chest. Dangerous, dark, unkind. That’s all he shows, all he knows.
“Let me go,” you demand as you scrape your skin against the rough bindings and hiss when you feel blood against your wrists.
He clicks his tongue and ends right in front of you as he picks up a piece of your hair. “I don’t think so,” he chuckles darkly as he continues circling slowly. “You gonna tell me what you were doin’ outside my house in the middle of the night? Tryin’ to steal somethin’ from me, hmm?”
“No, I wasn’t stealing anything…”
“Liar!” His voice is blaring, echoing through the tiny basement that’s dark and filled with cold cement walls. Only a little light shines in the center of the room. Just enough to see the scowl that’s stretched across his angry face.
“I’m not lying, if you’d only just listen to me!” You fight back, your face burning fiery red as you try to pull free of your bindings again, but it’s no use. You’re stuck.
“I don’t listen to filthy little liars, sweetheart. Should’ve never come around these parts of the woods. It’ll only get you hurt,” he grins as dark eyes fill the dim room.
He slowly slides his fingers down your arm like a sly snake as you feel the bristles of callouses catch against your glistening skin. His skin is warm, burning into yours as you feel the fingerprints imprint into your forearm. He kneels down in between your legs as he rests one hand on your thigh, slowly opening the other as he settles between your legs. And then he looks up at you. That same unattached stare that belongs to the skin of a lone wolf.
“So, jus’ what am I gonna do with you, hmm?” he asks as he glides his fingers over your dark denim jeans. “Maybe paint the inside of your thighs white? Maybe sit you on my lap and have a little fun with you? Maybe…”
You shut him up as you inhale and spit into his face as a glob of your saliva lands in one of his eyes. You see him flare his nostrils as he wipes the spit off with his flannel sleeve and starts chuckling under his breath. “Oh, I like a little fight in a girl. Kinda turns me on more.”
Before you can react, he shoots up and grabs the back of your hair as he pulls hard and forces your eyes up. You grimace in pain as he pulls tighter. You look anywhere but at his eyes, so you just stare at his worn leather boots.
“Look at me,” he demands with gritted teeth as you feel his hot breath blow against the side of your neck. You turn your face and shake your head as you refuse to follow his strict orders.
He pulls tighter against your hair as you cringe and feel a cold teardrop lick at the corner of your eye. You can’t give in, can’t give in to him. You hear him growl loudly as he pulls and snarls a harsh order at you, “LOOK AT ME.”
You feel the tear run down your cheek as you carefully move your eyes to look at him, your eyebrows knit together in frustration as you stare coldly at the man that holds you captive. His nostrils flare, dark eyes burning into yours as you take a real good look at him for the very first time.
He’s so run down looking, tired, just like the broken watch that sits clasped around his left wrist. The hard lines paint maps across his wrinkled forehead, an old scar sits burning across the top of his right eye, his salt-and-pepper scruff is rugged looking as some of his thick, tousled strands of hair fall down into his dark eyes. His green flannel is worn, just like his dust covered boots weighing him down to the ground. And his eyes. There’s sadness, remorse, regret lying in those chocolate eyes. Eyes that beg for someone to take him out of his misery. Eyes that plead for goodness but are weighed down by the hardness of the sick world. Eyes that beg someone to feel everything he does. Eyes that scream for help.
He keeps a tight hold of you, fingers still locked around your hair as he pins you in place, the weight of his body sinking against yours as you feel the roughness of his beard slide against the side of your cheek. Before you know what you’re doing, you speak. “It’s all about control with you, isn’t it? You want someone to control because you can’t control what’s going on around you in this apocalyptic world. You want someone to blame, someone to use to take your own misery out on. Is that right?”
His dark pupils expand as he snarls against your face, his fingers gripping harder as your head snaps up and pain radiates through your skull. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ ‘bout, sweetheart. Better watch your mouth,” he growls as pain shoots down your neck.
You see the glisten of the broken glass on his watch, wonder why he wears a broken watch in the first place. It hits you like a hurricane crashing against a weak structure, spiraling your insides as if you feel his pain radiate down your body. He lost something dear to him, went through waves of pain you can only imagine. Just like you lost everything in your life.
He grabs another handful of hair until you shout into his weathered face. “I know what it’s like to lose something! You’ve lost someone, haven’t you?”
His snarl lessens as his narrowed eyes relax, his grip on you growing lighter as he breathes in steady breathes. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he bites back as you see pain as clear as day in his distant eyes. The dark flecks floating around like pieces of the past as loss is etched in shades of dark brown throughout his irises.
“That’s why you do this, isn’t it? You need the control, need to feel something other than the loss you carry. Need someone to fasten yourself to as you let the pain slip from your fingers so you can pour it out to strangers so they can feel that bit of pain you carry every single day.”
His eyes widen, his breath hitching as the weight of your words crashes over him. A realization taking form as his jaw ticks and his thick fingers run down to the edge of your hair. There’s no more pulling, just the mere brush of his fingertips against your thick hair.
“You want to do something to me? Fine, do your worst. But at the end of the day, it’s you that chooses to be a monster. You are the one in control.”
His eyes grow large as his breathing goes shallow. He drops the grip on your hair and stands abruptly as he paces the floor while raking a large hand through his scruff. He looks conflicted, torn up, ruined as he paces and paces the cement floor.
His body stills as he turns and looks at you, his eyes full of regret and sadness as the glint of tears wash over his deep brown eyes. He flexes his hand into a tight fist and clenches his jaw as he huffs out frustrated and grabs a sharp knife from the corner of the room. You freeze up until you realize he’s cutting your bindings free as the tattered rope falls to the floor.
“Go on. Get out of here. Leave,” he growls as he nods his head toward the rusty stairs and gives your shoulder a slight push.
“But I…”
“LEAVE!”
You stumble over to the staircase and start to move, but after the first rusty creak of the stair you can’t help but to look back at the man that burns with pain. You see him pacing back and forth slowly, his face is so tormented. You almost feel bad for him. Almost.
You cautiously step back off the stairs and slowly walk over to him as you shakily reach out a hand. You see his tense shoulders, his lowered head as he holds his hands over his face. That’s when you feel it. The sheer grief that plagues him night after night. You feel it burning deep in your soul as you stare at his weathered features. He’s so lost, scared.
You ever so slowly lift a hand and place it softly over the back of his shoulder, holding your breath as you’re sure he’ll knock you down to the floor. He turns sharply your way, and that’s when you see the glisten of tears in his eyes, a shade of dark blue that covers his entire being. Wrecked. He’s so wrecked.
“I see you. You’re not as alone as you think you are,” you whisper as you let your hand linger timidly on his broad shoulder for just a few more seconds. He stares at it, conflicted features running over his worn face and then slowly turns toward you, eyes the color of chestnut brown. He flinches when you finally drop your hand to your side and step back out of his reach.
His lip quivers, jaw clenching as tight as a fist as he stares at you with big chocolate eyes that glisten with held back tears. You know this pain, the unbearable agony of losing someone so close as they slip through your fingers and never return to the light of day. You know he’s hurting. You know.
You think of running your fingers over his patchy scruff but quickly talk yourself out of it, afraid he might snap at you again. One more look at dark eyes and you’re backing up, turning back to the staircase as you start to tread up heavy steps.
You hear him take a step toward you, hear his leather boots scuff against the hard ground as you look down and see the man with burning eyes. He looks like he wants to say something, looks like he might ask you to stay, but he stays silent. So you go, flee up the stairs, back to a semblance of peace.
Before you turn the old brass doorknob, you look back and find him looking in awe at you, his breathing ragged and his mouth parted open with bloodshot eyes. Eyes that beg you to stay.
“You know, you’re not really the monster you think you are.” His jaw goes slack, his arms heavy at his sides as he stares wide-eyed at you. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch, he just stares. Weepy eyes that cry out for just one soul to listen. You hear him though. You hear him.
You grip your raw, torn up wrists and feel the pain simmer down to your bones. This is the pain he must feel, too. The pain you might just understand. Maybe that’s why you almost stay, almost turn and reach for him again like you could take his pain away. But you don’t. At least not this time.
Before you overstay your welcome, you turn the cold doorknob and push past the opening as you flee the house that holds pain and regret. You slip your way outside and disappear into the thick trees, leaving just enough traces of footsteps for him to find you again.
This wasn’t the end. No. This was the very beginning, a beautiful cycle that’d keep spinning, a whirlwind of you and Joel. The moment everything changed. He claimed you from the beginning, the very minute he let you out of those ropes. It wasn’t over.
He’d find you again, hunt you down till he got his hands on you again. A little lamb that would feed the hungry wolf. A lone wolf that needed to feel again. And you were it. The undoing to his starving form. For he was just a man who longed to rid himself of all the suffering and pain he experienced day after day. You were exactly what he needed. It was you. So he’d follow you through the trees, track you down till he could taste nothing but you. You were the little lamb he desired, craved. And god, did he need you. He needed you…
Tagging some of you that read part 1 🩷 @janaispunk @amyispxnk @mountainsandmayhem @littlevenicebitch69 @lotusbxtch @keylimebeag @untamedheart81 @bbyanarchist @bishtrouille @vividispunk @vivian-pascal @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs @pedrostories @docharleythegeekqueen @rav3n-pascal22 @my-favorite-reading @silk-spun @fanfictilltheend @tuquoquebrute @beardedjoel @msjarvis @syd-djarin
If you liked this, consider reblogging or sending me an ask 💕
#joel miller#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfiction#dark!joel x reader#jackson!joel#outbreak!joel#post outbreak joel#tear you apart#joel miller au#joel miller the last of us#joel x female reader#joel x f!reader#tlou fanfiction#joel miller pedro pascal#joel angst#joel miller smut
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Unwelcome (Joel Miller x Reader)
Part Three of Whiskey Tears
Rated: Angst | Violence | Fluff | Suggestive | Age Gap | Assault | Language
Summary: You, Joel, and Ellie have been a trio from the start. You were a family, but you find your relationship with Joel withering when he starts to pull away. Now a new comer makes her way into Jackson and into Joel’s heart…
“Joel.”
Two months have gone by since that day and everything seemed to be slowly slipping away from your fingers. You were having trouble adjusting, but you were having even more trouble at the thought of loosing Joel.
“Joel.” Your fingers wrapped around his arm and you gently shook him.
He didn’t touch her or kiss her, but her presence was just there. Always around him. Always driving a wedge between the two of you.
“Joel. It’s time to wake up.” You spoke softly.
It hurt and so you argued more than you ever have. Even before when you were a firefly, neither of you argued this much. You argued until there was nothing left. Until your breath could barely keep you alive.
His eyes opened to find you kneeling beside him on the floor. You were beautiful… You were always beautiful to him. He glanced to the window where the sun was already high up in the sky.
“Where are the others?” He asked.
“Ellie is at the barn again, apparently she’s got a real knack in taking care of the horses. You two might just get your sheep farm on the moon soon.” You spoke softly as you brushed loose curls away from his face.
His hair was getting longer and it made you smile, “You need a haircut love.”
“Don’t wanna do it.” He mumbled.
“I’ll do it later tonight.” You rubbed your thumb against his cheek, taking in the precious moment between the two of you.
He leaned into your touch making your heart jumped before worried settled in at the dark circles under his eyes.
“You need to stop sleeping on the couch Joel.” You sighed as you rubbed his arm, “You need your bed.”
“But you need—” He began to say, but you didn’t let him finish.
“I know.” You sighed before getting up, “Come, we have to meet with Maria and Tommy soon. Maria says she has some good news.”
Joel nodded his head as he sat up, his back aching from the couch. If only he was younger, this would feel like nothing. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so insecure when it came to you. He silently got up and made his way to the bathroom to get ready.
You were pouring him some coffee when he appeared in the kitchen.
“Your shirt is on backwards.” You spoke teasingly.
“Shit.” He muttered as he took off his shirt because you were in fact right.
You couldn’t help the way your eyes raked over his chest. He wasn’t overly fit, but he had muscles where it count. Your cheeks heat up as you remember the night you were able to touch him, run your hands across his chest over each scar he had. You didn’t realize how much you missed that and the only thing you could do is bite your lip to keep yourself from hopping across the counter and jump him.
“And what about Heather?” Joel asked once his shirt was fixed.
You took a sharp breath and your feelings turned sour, “She’s with Mikel.” You explained shortly.
His brows furrowed, “Mikel is supposed to be on patrol today.”
You nodded your head, “He’s going to be teaching her the ropes now that she’s been here for a while and settled in.”
“I could have done that.” He stated gruffly, “After what she’s been through, she is not very trusting towards anyone.”
You took in a sharp breath, “Everyone has been through something Joel.” You said carefully, “I asked Maria about it and we agreed Mikel would be a great fit for her. I was on a route with him when you disappeared, he’s my age and very capable of protecting her if need be.” You encouraged, “Besides, you and I go on patrol, you wouldn’t have the time to do both.”
“So you decided this on your own without asking me about my opinion?” He asked gruffly, a sharp edge to his tone.
You looked down at the counter. You were too embarrassed to admit that you did decide without asking him because you were scared he wouldn’t choose you.
“It’s you and I.” You stated as your voice wavered, “It’s been you and I.”
Silence grew between the two of you.
“Not always.” He finally said in a tone so soft you wouldn’t think it would come from Joel Miller himself.
And boy did what he say hurt you then any physical fight you have ever been in. What could you say to him? To be able to have him hold you in his arms again? To stop dragging you through rusted nails… You just wanted to stop hurting and he just kept pounding on the nails with a hammer.
“I am here now.” Your voice wavered, “Standing right in front of you. I am here, alive and bleeding out to you.”
You could see the wavering look in his eyes, “You’re too young.”
You held your ground, “You can’t keep pushing me away Joel.”
He shook his head, deciding that staring at the wall behind your seemed more interesting then the tears forming in your eyes, “I can’t do that to you.”
“Do what?” You quickly walked around the counter to face him, “Love me? Because if so why did you kiss me huh? Why did you touch me? Why give me hope that you could actually love me back? Tell me then. Tell me that you don’t love me.”
Your fury grew when his silence lingered.
“Tell me Joel!” You yelled at him and in that moment you were glad that Ellie wasn’t in the house.
He didn’t answer… He didn’t want to because he knew what he would say and he knew that would be the end of him. Instead he turned and did what he always did… Keep everything buried.
“Come on. We’ll be late.” He turned and walked to the front door without touching the coffee you made him.
You glared at him with nothing with but a heart filled with fiery, “It’s because you love me too. Isn’t it?”
His shoulders stiffened, but that was all the answer he would give you as he walked away.
You gave a small sigh before following after him.
It was long before you were hopping up the steps to Tommy and Maria’s home. Joel trailed behind you as you knocked on the door.
Not even a moment later and Maria was greeting you with her famous smile.
“Good morning.” You returned her smile and gave her a hug.
She gave you a tight squeeze, “Good morning.” She ushered you both inside, “Tommy’s making breakfast or at least trying to.”
“Oh boy.” You breathed out a laugh as the two of you followed her into their little breakfast nook by the kitchen.
“Mornin.” Joel greeted his brother.
You pulled out Joel’s chair before taking your seat as Maria brought over two mugs of tea.
“Thank you, I needed this.” You breathed out as you held the mug.
Your eyes then flickered to Joel pulling out a chair and sitting across from you.
Of course he’d do that. You sighed. Always one for the dramatics.
You were upset that he didn’t want to sit next to you, but you figured it was because of the conversation you both had earlier. Maria took a seat beside you instead, a small smile on her face as she watched Tommy bring over what was a poor attempt at omelets.
“Don’t say one word.” Tommy’s voice was playful as he barely scolded Maria.
Maria raised her hands up in mock surrender, “I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.” Tommy huffed with a small laugh as he took his seat as the head of his table.
“I think that food speaks for itself.” Joel joked.
“It looks… Edible none the least.” You murmured as you picked out egg shells, “You wont hear me complaining.”
“It’s perfect hunny.” Maria smiled as she leaned over a placed a kiss on Tommy’s cheek.
Your heart melted at the sight and an ache filled it. You could only dream of being that way with Joel… The things you would do just to get that man to show you that he loved you too.
The rest of breakfast was going over the upkeep of Jackson and the repairs that needed to be done. Apparently Liza and Julio’s spotted one of the perimeter fences on the east wall being bent inward from the snow the has been pilling up against it and some of the vegetables aren’t doing so well with the cold.
“We should get a group together to fix the fence first.” You said, “I can help out as well.”
“As for the vegetables… This winter is a lot worse then the previous ones we’ve had. We will have to make do with the vegetable we got until we get to warmer weather.” Maria stated.
“That sounds good.” Tommy agreed, “And I will put together a team after our breakfast to start working on the wall. I’ll let you know if we need any help, but thank you for the offer.”
“Of course Tommy.” You nodded your head.
“I also want to switch patrol routes with Mikel.” Joel announced at the table as breakfast was beginning to come to an end.
You looked away from your food and towards him within a second of his words appearing from his mouth, “Why? I thought our route for this week was pretty good.”
“No. I want Mikel to start taking you out on patrol.” He stated simply.
You dropped your fork, “Why? Did I do something wrong? Is this about earlier?”
“No.” He said again and you swore it was his favorite word, “You said it yourself. He’s younger and stronger. That means he can protect you.”
“I don’t want him to protect me.” You glowered, “I have you.”
“No. You don’t.” He stated gruffly, “You can’t rely on me forever.”
“I’m not relying on you! I pull my weight just as much as you do. We’re a team and you can’t just split us up.” You yelled at hi, “I won’t let you.”
He stood up abruptly with a scowl, “Enough! Fuck just listen to me for once! I’m doing this for you!”
“For me?” You stood up as well with a scoff, “You know what, I’ll listen to you when you start making sense Joel!”
“I don’t want you! Can you listen to that?!” He yelled and suddenly the room went silent.
“Fuck you Joel.” You murmured before storming away.
“Have your fucking switch then! See if I care!” You yelled before slamming the door.
“Good job Joel.” Maria rolled her eyes. She stood up and began to collect the dishes, “When are you going to stop being an asshole and realize that you need her just as much as she needs you?” She stated before walking away to put the dishes in the sink.
She rushed to the door to put on her shoes and coat before going to find you. You were more important to her than some dirty dishes that she can clean later.
Joel sighed as he slumped down into his seat.
“What’s going on brother?” Tommy asked.
Joel didn’t speak, not for a few minutes. He was trying his best to keep himself from loosing his shit.
“Nothing.” He mumbled.
“Well that’s a stupid answer coming from you.” Tommy laughed.
“I’m old Tommy.” Joel sighed.
“Yeah.” Tommy laughed, “We’re all old and what’s your point?”
“She’s not.” He stated simply.
A realization dawned across Tommy’s voice, “Is that why you are pushing her away?”
“She deserves more than an old man.” Joel sighed in defeat, “I just wish she would see that.”
“That’s not for you to decide.” Tommy pointed out, “That’s her decision and I can see that she’s not going to change it.”
“But I can help her change it.” Joel said as he looked up at his brother, “Just help me make her see that. That Mikel kid or whoever could be good for her. She needs someone her age and I need someone my age. That’s how it should be.”
“So what? Is that why you’re so attached to Heather? Because you feel like you’re not enough for the girl who has been in love with you for months just because she’s a little younger?”
“It’s not just a little younger.” Joel grumbled,
Tommy shook his head as he stood up, “I’m not going to help you break her heart.”
“You did this with Ellie too and look how that turned out?”
Tommy placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder, “You deserve happiness too, brother.”
“And she deserves someone who is strong enough to protect her.” Joel replied, a solemn tone to his voice.
You soon found yourself scrubbing aggressively at the bar counter.
“Fuck him.” You grumbled as you cleaned, “And not in the good way. Not like he’s been wanting that lately.”
Maria nodded her head, “I’ll admit he is being a dick.”
“Who’s being a dick?” Ellie hopped up on a barstool.
“Joel.” You and Maria both said at the same time.
That is until you did a double take to see that it is Ellie.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working at the barn?” You asked inquisitively, “What are you doing here?”
“I finished all my tasks and saw you both in the window. Why is Joel being a dick?”
“Sweetie, you can’t call him that.” You scolded her lightly, “And he’s not… He’s just…”
“Being a dick.” Maria stated simply.
Her input made the three of you burst out laughing. You smiled at the lighten mood as you reached for a glass. You poured Ellie some water before setting it infront of her.
“Can’t I get some of that?” She asked, pointing to your glass that you were currently filling with whiskey.
You shook your head, “Not until you’re old enough.”
“But it’s the apocalypse?” Ellie looked at you confused.
“Doesn’t mean someone as young as you can drink.” You crossed your arms.
Ellie sighed, “Yes mom.”
“Maybe just talk to him later tonight. Find the real reason about his decision.” Maria advised.
I nodded my head before looking at Ellie, “I’m not going to lie to you. Joel and I are arguing. Can you please stay with Maria and Tommy tonight so I can talk to him?”
Ellie nodded her head slowly, “Why are you two arguing? Is it because of Heather cause if so I don’t like her.”
I sighed, “It’s hard to explain and even harder to talk about it. I won’t talk badly about your dad, not in front of you.”
It was late by the time you went home after you dropped Ellie off at Maria and Tommy’s. They gave you some good news that cheered you up a bit. It might just be the change you both needed. Now all you had to do was tell him. You were just trying to get the courage to step inside your front door.
You finally stepped inside and was met with the lights being on, but no one around.
“Joel?” You called out to him as you took your shoes off.
He didn’t answer you, but you could hear soft muffled voices coming from upstairs. You took a step, each one leading you up the stairs and down to Joel’s room… The door was already wide open and an unwelcome feeling filled your gut as you got closer. You weren’t sure if you wanted to know what lied behind the doorway.
Your body however, carried you into the room. Relief filled your chest at seeing the bed empty and left how you made it in the morning. You glanced around the room to the light that flooded out from the bathroom. You stepped closer to the door, a female laugh fluttering from it making your stomach twist and your chest tighten at what you saw.
Joel sat on a stool that was definitely taken from the kitchen and a bath towel draped around him. Heather stood with a pair of scissors as she cut at the ends of his hair. This was thing that you were supposed to do not her.
“You’re cutting his hair.” Your voice was dull as you repeated what you saw.
“Oh! Yes, I forgot my hair tie when I left this morning so I came back and overheard you telling Joel that he needed a haircut and I thought I might help out and give him one.” Heather smiled at you.
You bit the inside of your cheek. Your gaze flickered to Joel’s who was staring at you from the mirror. He could see the fallen expression on your face and the way that you were holding back your tears.
“I think she can finish my hair Heather.” Joel said without taking his eyes off of you.
“But…” Heather tried to say something else, but he cut her off.
“Thank you.” He said simply.
Heather released a huff before walking towards you and handing you the scissors before leaving.
“C’mere.” He spoke with a gentleness in his tone that you haven’t heard in months. That tone always made you shiver and you felt like he knew that. Of course he did, he’s fucking observant when he wants to be.
You felt like your emotions were going to explode as you stepped towards him. The events of earlier today and now walking in on seeing the person you wanted to punch in the face touching your Joel’s hair… You were either going to punch the man or kiss him depending on his explanation.
“I know you wanted to do it, but she was insistent that she could do it because she used to cut her husband’s hair before he died and she missed it… I had a hard time saying no.” He explained carefully as if he were talking to a stray cat and maybe you were in that moment, but his explanation seemed to apease you enough.
You nodded your head. You didn’t want to argue, not after today. You ran your fingers through his hair before taking a few strands to trim.
“I don’t like how we left off earlier.” You spoke softly.
“I know.” Joel sighed, “I don’t either.”
“I really don’t want to go on patrol with Mikel. I want to stay with you.” You pleaded lightly.
Joel furrowed his brow, “That’s not up for debate.”
“It shouldn’t even be on the table.” You muttered as you took another strand of his hair, a huff passing your lips in frustration, “I don’t like the way she cut your hair.”
Joel chuckled and warmth filled your stomach at the sound, “Then fix it firefly.”
You continued to cut Joel’s hair the way you knew he liked it. The way that it made you want to run your fingers through his hair every second of the day. After some time in a peaceful silence, you spoke up to tell him about the news you heard from Maria and Tommy when you dropped Ellie off earlier.
“I have some good news.” You spoke timidly, “About Heather.”
“What is it?” He asked.
“Well… Maria and Tommy just informed me that Tris will gladly take Heather as a roommate. Apparently, they’ve been getting along really well together since Heather arrived here. Tris’s house is as big as ours and she says feels lonely having the house to herself.”
Joel took a moment to respond before he asked, “Does Heather know about this yet?”
“Not yet.” You whispered, “Maria and Tris are going to come by for lunch tomorrow to talk it over.”
“I see.” Joel nodded.
“Hey.” I giggled lightly as I barely smacked him on the shoulder, “Don’t move your head or do you want to go bald?”
“I prefer my hair thanks.” Joel grumbled with a small chuckle.
You smiled when he held still, “Better.”
When you finished trimming his hair it looked much neater and yet it had an un-tameness to it that made you bite your bottom lip. You felt a terrible idea pop into your head as you set the pair of scissors down before standing behind Joel. He looked at himself in the mirror with contomept.
“It looks good.” He agreed with your thoughts.
You ran your fingers through his hair as if you were smoothing it out until your fingers curled and you began to massaged his scalp.
His reaction was almost immediate as he leaned back against you on the stool. You could see his eyes roll to the back of his head as he let out a quite hm. It made you want to laugh at how pliable he was when you massage his head.
“I like it too.” You murmured to which he couldn’t quite process.
“Mm.” He agreed.
“How was your day?” You asked when you spotted the way his face scrunched up in pain when he moved his body.
“Had to rebuild that fence, go huntin with Tommy.” He murmured with a grunt, “Found a buck.”
“You must be exhausted. It was really cold today.” You continued to massage his head.
“Twas nothin.” He replied, but you knew better. You knew how sore he could get after a long day.
“I think it’s time we should head to bed, hm?” You asked in a soft tone as to not startle him.
“Mmhm.” He agreed without a second thought.
You leaned down a pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, “Come on then.”
You took the towel off his shoulders before leading him to his bed. He was too exhausted to argue with you as you made him lie down. You took his jeans, leaving him in his boxers and shirt as you covered him with his blanket.
“Good night Joel.” You whispered to him.
Your plan was to sleep on the couch tonight so that he could get some rest. You quietly slipped out of the room once you headed his breath even out. Your footsteps padded across the cold wood floors. You made sure to grab an extra blanket before padding over to the couch that Joel’s been using as a bed this past week. Of course his blanket was neatly folded on the side table with his pillow placed on top.
A small hum slipped passed your lips as you began to make your bed for the night. Hopefully it will be as comfortable as Joel has tried to make you believe.
“You’re really desperate aren’t you.” A voice carried its way from the kitchen entrance.
“Excuse me?” You turned to Heather with a shocked look.
“Desperation it’s dripping off of you like melted snow.” Heather said as if she was talking about the weather, “And your insecurity too, very unflattering might I add. When did your father die? I just want to know when your daddy issues started or have you always had a thing for older men?”
I stood up straight as I glared at you, “Just what’s your plan here? You really think you can throw insults at me and I would just crumble?”
“Oh I’m not insulting you at all. I’m just saying what I see and I don’t see much. Goodnight.” She smiled before walking away, leaving you there fuming.
What in the world was that about?
“I can’t wait for her to get out of my fucking house.” You muttered as you lied down on the couch.
You came to as you felt the warm glow of the sun hit your face. You stretched your arms as you yawned, rolling over to stretch further on your bed. Only you weren’t on your bed and you soon felt gravity as you fell onto the floor with a thud.
“Ow…” You groaned as you blinked your eyes open.
“Mornin.” Came Joel’s deep voice that felt like melted butter and whiskey.
“Fuck… Don’t do that.” You groaned as you rubbed your eyes with the palms of your hand.
His brows furrowed in confusion, “Do what?”
“Say mornin’ like you just came back from doing hard labor.” You huffed.
“But I did just come back from doing that.” He chuckled.
He did? Wait. Is his shirt off?
“Huh?” You asked dazed.
You tilted your head to find him leaning against the entry way with a mug of coffee in his hand, shirt intact. A bubble of disappointment filled your face until you spotted his smirk.
Shit… He knew what I was thinking. Of course he did.
You grumbled incoherent words, no doubt insults towards the older man as you stood up.
Joel watched you get up, he couldn’t help it. His eyes traced the skin visible from where your shirt had risen up as you slept. It was only, but a second before he shook those unwelcome thoughts away.
“Talked with Tommy, Ellie wants you to work with her at the barn.” Joel relayed the message he was given, “She’s waitin for ya.”
“Work at the barn? But I’m not that good with horses…” You sighed lightly in defeat, “But for Ellie, I’ll go get ready.”
“Atta girl.” He was grinning now and you knew he was remembering the last time you tried to saddle up your horse.
You weren’t bad at taking care of and saddling up horses so to say… You just weren’t that good at it either.
“Don’t.” You muttered.
“Wasn’t going to.” He mused as he took a sip of his coffee.
You padded over to him and reached your hand out, “Gimme.”
He raised an eyebrow at you, “Get your own, firefly.”
“I don’t want to get my own. I just want a sip. Please.” You reached towards his mug again.
He didn’t even try to pull it away from you. He just let you grab the mug out of his hand and drink the coffee he made for himself. How he was, the way he acted… It was like before.
Was this all because I massaged his head? You mused to yourself as you took another sip of his coffee. You couldn’t take your eyes off of his rugged handsome face. He looked a lot more rested. You noted.
You also noticed the way his eyes seemed to be staring at the way your lips wrapped around the rim of his mug.
“Morning you two!” The spry voice had you jumping.
You had forgotten that she was here.
“Morning.” Joel greeted.
You nodded at her, not wanting to greet her with a good morning after the way she spoke to you last night. You wondered if you should tell Joel what she said… Then you wondered if he would believe you over her.
He was in such a good mood though, you didn’t want to ruin anything.
“Tris and Maria are coming by for lunch, they want to talk to you about something.” You said to her as politely as you possibly could.
“They did? Well I don’t have any work today so I suppose I can tidy up the house a bit and make lunch for when they arrive.” Heather agreed.
As long as she agrees to moving out then I don’t care what she does.
Heather then poured herself a cup of coffee before looking towards Joel, “Do you want a cup handsome?” She asked him with a light tone.
A scowl made its way onto your face. You held up the mug you were holding towards her.
“He’s got some, but thanks.” You stated smugly as you handed Joel his coffee mug back.
He brought his mug up to his lips and took a sip from where your lips were just moments before. He looked none the wiser at the two women about to scratch each other’s eyes out. Of course he didn’t. Joel was never good at feelings.
You could see a scowl quickly appear and disappear on Heather’s face before she was back to her cheerful self.
“Okay, well there’s more here if anyone wants some.” She said before taking a sip.
You left the two and emerged fifteen minutes later dressed and ready to head out. Joel who was now sitting at the kitchen table with Heather talking about how Joel had to go help his brother today so he couldn’t help Heather clean the house.
You stepped up beside Joel, standing next to him while he remained seated. You ran your right hand through his freshly trimmed haircut, something that he didn’t mind at all.
“I’m going to head out to see Ell’s. Do you want me to pick up anything while I’m gone?” You asked him and only him.
Heather was leaving soon. You thought dismissively. Good riddance.
“We’re out of carrots. Maybe the two of you can stop by the garden and pick some up?” Joel asked.
You nodded your head as your hand traveled down to the side of his neck, “Anything else?” You asked as you rubbed the sliver of skin that wasn’t hidden by his flannel.
“No…” Joel said, his voice much lower than before as he glanced down at his coffee mug.
You gave Heather a triumphant look before stepping away, “See you later.” You waved them off before leaving.
It wasn’t long before I was met with an excited Elli who jumped on my back the moment she saw me.
“Soooo? How did it go? Was my leaving all for not?” She pressed, wanting to get all the gossip, “Shall I get my pitchfork?”
“I think everything went well.” I said as I smiled softly to myself.
I carried her over to the stables, trying my best not to topple over with the growing girl. I aware she was getting taller by the day.
“Maria told me that Heather’s finally leaving!” Ellie fist pumped the air by my head, “Dude, I swear she is weird as hell. Definitely hiding a bomb or something.”
I laughed as I set her down by the barn doors, “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
I faced her with my hands on my hips, “Now little bug. What is our mission today?”
A wide grin spread across her face as she clapped her hands, “Have you ever trimmed hooves before?”
My face fell, “Don’t tell me…”
“Yep!” Ellie exclaimed, “Get ready to possibly be bit, stepped on, and kicked.”
My eyes widened at her words.
“Let’s get to it!” Ellie stated as she grew open the barn doors.
“Oh boy.” I sighed, but followed my daughter nonetheless.
The sun was high in the sky by the time you and Ellie were walking down our street. The two of you were holding hands as Ellie swung your linked hands as hard as she could. Your other hand was carrying a small bag of carrots that Joel had asked for and you hoped he’d be pleased that you remembered.
The two of you were laughing as Ellie recounted your great fail at trying to keep Buttercup still.
“I still can’t believe she pushed you over.” Ellie laughed as you both walked into the house, “Joel!” She yelled.
The two of your were giggling as you entered the living room to find the two of them on the couch. Heather was in a mess of tears, clinging to Joel who was trying to console her.
“Uh…” Ellie’s voice trailed off in confusion, “What’s going on?”
You left to place the bag of carrots on the kitchen counter before returning to the living room to listen to Joel explain.
“She’s having a panic attack.” Joel explained as Heather buried her face into his shirt.
He was quick to pull her into his side and settle her. That movement made you frown as you watched the two. Why the hell is she snuggling up to him? Why is he allowing it?
“About what?” You asked as you looked between the two skeptically.
“About leaving. She doesn’t want to go.” Joel explained.
“I’m sorry!” Heather sobbed and you couldn’t tell if she was really crying or if she was that good of an actress.
“It’s just I don’t feel comfortable around anyone else.” She continued, her voice laced with guilt and remorse.
“What do you mean? You and Tris get along great. I know that because she told me that herself.” You crossed your arms, not buying the ‘I’m scared act’, “She said that you two go out for lunch together almost everyday.”
“I know, but that’s different than living with someone. She’s the first friend that I made here and I just don’t want to ruin it. I can’t bring myself to leave, I’m so sorry dear.” Heather carried on as she wiped her tears.
You sighed, not liking the idea of trying to console her, but you would use any means if it would get her out. It’s been weeks now and you’ve just about had enough, especially after last night.
“I’m sure to won’t be too bad.” You tried to persuade her, “It might be nice living with someone your age.”
“But you have proved it yourself that’s not the case.” She countered as she motioned to Joel and Ellie.
“I’m just gonna go…” Ellie made a motion to go upstairs and you nodded before she ran away.
Lucky girl.
“I don’t want to be a burden to any of you. I really am sorry for my decision, please don’t hate me.” Heather insisted, “I really would love for us to be friends.”
You tried not to roll your eyes. Like hell you want to be friends and you you’ve been a burden since you set foot through my door.
“I’m sorry, hate you?” You huffed as you popped your hip out with a knowing look, “After what you said last night, that word doesn’t even cover it. So yeah I do. Now get the fuck out of my house.”
“Be nice.” Joel scolded with a low tone directed towards me.
“You don’t know what she—“ You tried to explain what happened last night. How small she made you feel, but Heather wouldn’t allow it.
She leaned into Joel as her panic attack rose, “I didn’t say anything I swear I didn’t. I just want to belong here. You saved me Joel, please don’t abandon me. I can’t bear the thought of being alone.”
“I won’t abandon you… You can stay here.” Joel insisted which made your blood boil.
Was he being serious right now?
“Joel.” You turned your attention to him, trying your best to keep from shouting, “Can I talk to you for a minute in private?”
Joel nodded his head before following out to the front porch.
“You can’t let her stay.” You said the moment the door shut behind you both.
“She said that she thought it over some more and she wouldn’t feel comfortable living with someone she doesn’t really know.” He sighed.
But she’s been living with us. I wanted to say, but I held my tongue.
“Please just trust me.” You grabbed his arm with a pleading look on your face, “I’m being serious right now Joel. You don’t know her that well. Hell, none of us do. I swear she’s been acting strange the moment you brought her here. First my room, then breakfast and taking over my tasks, trying to cut your hair. Not to mention the fact that she said that I—”
You could see the way his face came to a conclusion of something and you had hoped that maybe then he was realizing what you had been seeing since day one, but of course… You were wrong.
“You’re jealous.” He stated simply.
“What?” You shook your head at the audacity of this man, “No, I’m not.”
He pulled his arm from your grip, “Yes. Yes you are. That’s why you’ve been acting like she has some kind of vendetta against you. She told me you were jealous and that’s why you have been mean to her, but I didn’t think you would go this far to push her out of our lives after the horror she’s experienced.”
You felt a strong punch to your gut as you listened to him speak. The way he spoke about her as if your feelings meant nothing to him made you want to scream.
“She’s the nicest person in this town and has been nothing, but kind to you and Ellie. She’s scared and you’re only making it worse for her to settle in here.” He finished with a sigh.
She doesn’t know us. You don’t understand. Why won’t you listen? You thought angrily.
“Are you being serious right now?” You glared at him, “You’re… You’re defending her over me?”
“I’m not defending no one. I’m saying that you’re taking this too far.” He ran a hand through his unruly hair with a huff, “You need to put your feelings aside for me and realize that she just wants to feel at home somewhere. After what she’s been through, she needs comfort and we can give that to her.”
Angry tears formed in your eyes, but you held them back. You couldn’t believe what Joel was saying and it hurt how much he wasn’t listening to you.
“Fuck you and fuck her comfort! I don’t feel comfortable! Right now. Right here. Hell, this past week I have felt anything but comfort. I feel unwelcome in my own home Joel.” You cried out.
“Don’t do this firefly. You need to start letting people in. That’s what you told me when we first met remember?” He placed a hand on your shoulder, “Who knows… Maybe it’s best that she stays. The three of you can help each other feel at home here.”
“Her help us? We’ve been just fine on our own, thank you. The three of us! No more and no less!” You shoved him which barely made him move.
He remained silent as he let you rant, his hand falling back to his side.
“I don’t want her here. I want her gone Joel.” You stated firmly, “Ellie doesn’t want her here either.”
Joel sigh as he crossed his arms, “Heather told me about the things you said to her last night. The horrible things you said to her and the threats you made.” Joel said suddenly with a disapproving tone to his voice, “I thought you were better than that especially after what you went through. I thought you of all people would make someone feel welcomed.”
You felt small under his gaze as you tried to explain yourself, “Of course I would try to make everyone feel welcome and I did Joel. I did try, but she…” Your brows furrowed, “I didn’t say anything to her last night…” Your eyes widened at the realization of what she was doing. She was pitting Joel against you with lies and it was working… Again.
That final thought made you snap as you stepped away from Joel.
“That bitch.” You seethed as you rushed into the house.
“What are you doing? Wait! Don’t!” Joel yelled from behind you, but you were on a mission.
You bounded up the steps, much faster than Joel could as you raced to your room. You had a feeling that she was gloating with her new success in making Joel turn against you. Of course she did, she was downright evil. The door banged against the wall as you shoved it open, finding her sitting at the foot of your bed.
“How dare you come into my home and try to turn him against me.” You sneered as you took quick steps towards her, “I didn’t say anything to you, it was you who has been fucking with me ever since you’ve gotten here! What is your goal here? To take over my life?”
Heather’s eyes widened as an anxious expression appeared on her face, “I have no idea what you are talking about dear—”
It was such a relief seeing her skin turn red as you finally got the chance to slap her across her smug face. Her scream did nothing to stop your anger from rising.
You swiftly grabbed the collar of her shirt before she could get up and run. You wanted to make your threat clear as you glared down at her, “You’re not welcome here.”
Her expression went from panicked to calm as she relaxed in your grip. It unnerved you as you watched her persona change so quickly.
“Oh, but I think I am.” Heather whispered with a smirk, “And soon nobody here will feel safe. Not even your precious Ellie.”
That hit a nerve in you at the mention of Ellie’s name.
“Fuck you.” You spat in her face as you lunged yourself on top of her.
You pinned her down to the bed as she gasped for breath. Your hands wrapped around her throat and she desperately tried to claw at your hands, but nothing nudged you.
The only thing that you could feel was a motherly rage at the mention of Ellie not being safe. You would burn this entire town down before letting that happen.
Die. Die. Die. Die.
It was a blink of an eye before you were roughly pulled off of her and thrown into your old dresser. The dresser shook and a picture frame of you, Joel, and Ellie toppled to the ground with a sickening crack. You gasped at the impact as pain rippled through your side and you had a feeling that it would be bruised in the morning.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Joel raised his voice, directing his anger towards you.
“You don’t understand!” You yelled at him as you gripped onto the dresser to keep yourself from falling to the floor, “Can you not see it or are you too blinded by the helpless victim act?”
“I think you should leave tonight.” Joel stated, his eyes flickered to you leaning into the dresser, but said nothing of it. He wasn’t aware of how much strength he used when he pulled you off of Heather. The only thing currently running through his head was not seeing anyone die tonight.
“What? Leave?” You looked up at him confused, “Did you not hear a word I just said? She is using you!”
Joel sighed, “What could she possibly be using me for? I have nothing to offer.” He shook his head, “I think it’s best you leave and clear your head. Maybe when you get some space you will see that she is not a threat.”
You looked at the woman who cowered on the bed, out of view from Joel, but not from you. You could see the victory in her eyes as she watched Joel protect her and not you.
You looked back to Joel with an empty feeling in your chest, “I want you to remember this moment when you realize I’m right, Miller. Goodbye.”
You swiftly stepped out of the room, ignoring the throbbing pain in your side. You saw Ellie peer out from her room with a concerned and scared expression on her face.
“What… What’s going on?” She asked with a timid voice, “Are you leaving? You’re leaving me?”
You shook your head as tears filled your eyes and quickly pulled her into a hug despite the pain you were feeling, “No of course I’m not leaving. I’m just going to stay with Tommy and Maria tonight, but listen…” You looked back and saw that neither of them had followed you out of the room.
You looked back towards Ellie and whispered in her ear, “Heather is dangerous. I don’t know what she has planned or why yet, but I need you to keep your knife close and keep an eye on Joel l until I figure it out okay?”
“Okay.” Ellie nodded, “I will, I promise.” Her eyes suddenly looked past your shoulder to Joel who was walking out of your room.
“I love you, my daughter.” You kissed her on the top of her head before quickly making your way downstairs, “See you later bug.”
“Love you too mom… See you later…” You heard her broken voice say as you walked out the front door.
I will end you, Heather. I will fucking end you.
#joel miller#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#joel tlou#pedro pascal#pedro x reader#joel the last of us#joel x reader#pedro is daddy#pedrostories#joel and ellie#joel angst#joel miller angst#pedroispunk#zaddy pedro#papi pedro
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Yours Truly
Teaser
MASTERLIST
Words: 1.5k
Warnings: Light smut
August 21st, 2007
The excited chatter of your mom and dad could be heard seeping through the cracked open window as they talked with Kiara about the other guests that would be attending your nieces 3rd birthday on this warm, sunny afternoon.
All you could do was bite into your lip so hard you nearly pierced the flesh and pray that nobody walked around the side of your sisters home to see you getting ruined by her husband.
His hips continually smacked into the soft flesh of your bottom as he thrusted into you with quick succession, soft moans and groans of his own falling carelessly from his lips, "Shit sweetheart," He cursed under his breath as one of his hands slid down from the back of your neck to the bottom of your spine where he pressed down harder making your back arch and ass raise into the air, "Just like that."
"Joel," You groaned out, attempting to shush him without letting any moans float from your mouth and out the open window right next to your face for your whole family to hear. A particularly hard thrust had you jolting forward, your hips slamming into the washing machine that you were bent over and causing a loud noise, one you were sure your family had heard.
Joel paused his movements as you both stood still, your eyes watching the window carefully for a long moment before the loud laughter of your dad could be heard from a distance and you both let out a sigh of relief.
Joel pulled away from you and you stood up straight, wondering if the fear of being caught had ruined the moment for him and part of you hoped that was the case, not having been keen on the idea of having sex in your sisters home with her husband on their child's birthday, but when you felt his hands gripped back onto you and spinning you around, you knew that wasn't the case.
Joel smashed his lips into yours, causing you to yelp out when his teeth clashed into yours. His hold on your hips tightened as he lifted you up to sit on the washer, reaching down to pull your jeans off of on of your feet so that he could slid in-between your legs and line up his cock with your entrance once more.
His lips never left yours as he swiftly pushed back into you, filling you to the brim as your walls struggled to accommodate him and your nails dug deeply into the firm flesh of his shoulders as you tried to hold yourself still enough to prevent the machine beneath you from moving with the force of his hips slamming into yours.
You swore you heard a knock on the door and pulled back from Joel, his head leaning down to rest on your collarbone as he continued to chase his climax, "Joel," You grabbed onto his arm in hopes of catching his attention long enough to tell him that someone was trying to enter the room.
"Hold on babygirl, 'm almost there," He huffed out, his brows furrowing together in concentration as his free hand reached out to poke at your clit before beginning to rub rough circles over the sensitive bundle of nerves.
The doorknob began to jiggle and you tried your best to shove him away from you, "Joel-" but you were cut off as the door flew open and your severely pissed off sister stood in the doorway.
"You're kidding me," She huffed out, her arms coming to cross over her chest as Joel jumped back and you looked away from her glare in embarrassment and shame, "What the fuck is wrong with you two!" She screamed at you, Joel pulled his boxers back over his hips and zipping his jeans shut, "I swear, just when I thought-" Kiara's voice began to waver and you kept your back to her as you adjusted your clothes, not being able to see the hurt all over her face again, "Get the fuck out of my house."
"Kiara-" Joel tried, taking a step towards his wife as his face paled, but he was cut off with a harsh slap, the force of her hand enough to make his head whip to the side as you finally turned around to access the situation, "I deserve that..." Joel drawled out, rubbing at his cheek tenderly.
Kiara's glare turned towards you as you did your best not to look away from her, "And you," She pointed a shaky finger in your direction and you swallowed hard, "You can stay the hell away from my daughter and I. Permanently." Your mouth opened a little to defend yourself, but she simply turned away and left the room.
You knew what you had been doing with Joel wasn't right, it never had been, but through it all, you had all managed to keep Ashley out of it. She was only 3 but she adored her mom and dad. She adored you and somehow, despite having had a nearly two year long affair with her father, you'd managed to keep the whole thing under wraps.
"You ok?" You asked Joel gently, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his arm when he pulled away from you.
"Yeah. I'm fine," He said simply, looking back to the doorway that once housed your sisters frame before he left and headed straight out to his car, thankful that nobody was in the house to see him.
You watched Joel leave before silently following, wondering why this always had to happen. This most recent affair between the pair of you had been mostly sexual, but you couldn't help but let your feelings for Joel become stronger with each passing day. Part of you knew that Joel had feelings for you too, but he'd never expressed them in the past two years, leaving you to wonder if his feelings for you were even a little romantic.
After quickly grabbing your belongings, you left the home. Joel was nowhere to be found and his car was gone. You were hoping that he'd found his way back to your house, but as you pulled into your driveway and didn't see his car parked anywhere on the street, you knew that he wouldn't be waiting for you inside.
With a sigh, you entered your home, pulling your shoes off and creeping further into the silence. You opted to heading straight for the shower, deciding you needed to clean yourself off before you could get into bed.
Most of your shower was spent crying, thinking over the fact that you'd truly ruined your relationship with your sister this time.
Joel was like a drug to you. Over the last four years there had been at least six times when Joel had cheated on your sister with you and over the last four years you had fallen deeply in love with Joel.
After your shower you crawled into bed, leaving your damp towel wrapped around you as your wet hair pressed into your pillow.
A dip in the bed made you jolt awake, your hair nearly dry now and towel discarded to the floor while you slept, "Just me," A soft murmur came as a warm hand pressed into your cheek, "'s just me," Joel repeated, smoothing his hand over your head as you let out a soft sigh.
"You scared me," You spoke out softly, into the darkness, you wondered what time it was as you looked in the direction of your bedroom window and saw it was dark outside.
"Didn't mean to," Joel said back, just as soft spoken as you were, "Have a nice nap?" He asked, his thumb rubbing soft circles into your cheek and you just nodded your head, your eyes still heavy, "Mind if I spend the night here?"
Your entire body went rigid. In the last two years not one night was spent together, you couldn't risk it. So you couldn't remember at all what it was like to sleep next to Joel, but you supposed he probably had no other place to go. Plus, you'd be getting to spend the night with him. You could pretend, even if only for a few hours, that he was entirely yours, that he wanted to be yours.
"Of course," You finally spoke up, hoping he didn't hear the nervous, yet excited, waver in your voice, "You can stay as long as you'd like." You added, hoping he'd take you up on the offer.
"Thanks darlin'," You could hear the tired smile in his voice as you felt his warmth leave you for a few moments before he was crawling in behind you, his skin warm against yours as his strong arm wrapped over your waist and pulled you back against him, his shirt and pants no longer keeping his body covered from your wandering hands.
You snuggled back against him as you felt his chapped lips caress over the bare skin of your back and you let out a content sigh. For the first time in a long time, you felt like things might be getting better.
You couldn't be more wrong.
Taglist:
@naughtyneganjdm @mannaima @mewhenimsad @shadeysprings @mypoisonedvine @wardenparker @rise-my-angel @ktwritesstuff @nonexistent-introvert @wheresarizona @psychedelic-ink @ohjoelmiller
I just tagged a bunch of Joel writers that I follow, so if you'd like to be taken off the list please let me know <3
#joel the last of us#joel x reader#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#joel miller x oc#negan fic#negan x reader#the walking dead negan#negan#negan smut#twd negan#joel smut#negan fluff#joel fluff#negan angst#joel angst#romance#love affair#cheating#fanfic#fanfiction#tlou#tlou au#twd#twd au#pre apocalypse
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The Redness never stopped for him
He knew that, he knew wanting to be a boogeyman was bad cursing to the organizers of this game cursing them for not picking him
That’s why he always joined back every season of the life series he joins for the blood. He’s not too sure when this started his need for blood every life. Joel’s begging for red. Maybe it’s been here since he lived before even knowing the feeling of red.
While Joel can’t say he remembers not loving this feeling, the rush and the ever loving itch. He can remember the feeling every time he logs on.
The blood rush is even more in effect while he is protecting the ones he loves. Trying so hard to protect Grian the feeling of anger when Scar pushed Jimmy and the relief when even on green he pushed scar off.
Us Watchers are to blame but why blame us? Is it not fun for him to be blood thirsty is it not
entertaining?
#i don’t know what compelled me to write this but here#Joel brain rot#smallishbeans#joel smallishbeans#limited life#limited life 3rd episode spoilers#limited life spoilers#writing#Joel angst#Joel angst with watchers#Grian mentioned#Joel has a chockhold on me#I got inspired by a post and if I find it again I will credit them for the instó there writing is 10/10#your amazing if your reading this lol
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Hi I just wanted to say I really love your blog a ton and I was hoping you'd do a Joel Miller request with the prompts 'I’m not afraid of you.’ and 'You’ve always pushed people away *name*. I just never thought you’d do it to me.’
Maybe he goes on a rampage to protect her and she gets a little freaked out and he pushes her away?
Hi friend! Thank you for the kind words! Thank you for sending in a request too :)
I struggle to catch my breath as I look at the raiders laying on the floor, dead bodies scattered around us as an unbothered Joel looks at me with worried eyes, his gaze dropping to look over every inch of me.
There's no wounds to see on me, not physically at least, nothing had happened, not before Joel showed up and rained hell down on these men who, I'm sure, had plans for me and I'm sure Joel knew this the moment that they took me from our camp in the middle of the night.
"Are you 'lright?" My gaze flickers up to look at him as he steps over a body and his hand reaches up to cup my cheek but I instinctively flinch at his touch, especially after the destruction that came from these very hands. His hand slips away from me out of fear, his eyes swimming with fear.
"I'm fine." I mutter, running my fingers through my hair as I suck in a breath, trying to ignore the bodies on the ground as I step past him and out into the fresh air, the cold breeze running through my trembling bones.
"Don't lie to me." He mutters gruffly. "Why're you acting like you're afraid of me? You know me." He grabs my upper arm, pulling me back towards him as my hands hit his chest with an 'oof', my chin craning to look up at him with tears in my eyes.
"I'm not afraid of you. Let's just go."
"You’ve always pushed people away, Y/n. I just never thought you’d do it to me." His words make my stomach drop and I realize that it's exactly what I was doing, pushing him away to ignore the fact that he just seamlessly killed a group of people with his bare hands because he was so enraged at the fact that someone could possibly hurt me.
"I'm not pushing you away, I'm just a little freaked out." I shake, a tear trembling down my cheek and he's quick to brush it away, my whole body leaning into his touch. "You killed all of these people. For me." He nods, gulping loudly as his stern eyes flicker back and forth between mine with a sense of honest affection.
"I'd do anything to protect you."
#joel miller#joel#joel x reader#joel miller x reader#joel angst#joel miller angst#joel miller fluff#joel fluff
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empires season 1
Xoroth is trapped in the headspace where he does little to save himself thanks to the evil stag brother, he tried to stop the self-death that Scott did. exor finally got the corruption off him leaving him to clean up the fish nuke with the tiger blood prince, the guards of queen lizzie, wolves.
Joel of the mesa biome was the last ruler who didn't run or die so he lived through the 2000~ years between the seasons and so he gained godhood after the 1000-year mark
there is a statue of joey in the jungle because Xoroth was strong enough to give the man a peaceful fall after the explosion and he is holding one of the people that was with the tiger blood prince.
Scott has nightmares of the old-world wall he is afterlife.
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when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut
the struggle is real
#don’t get me wrong#smut is great#but a girl wants some angst and fluff#joel miller x reader#din djarin x reader#matt murdock x reader#steven grant x reader#steve harrington x reader#spencer reid x reader#aaron hotchner x reader#derek morgan x reader#jj maybank x reader#rafe cameron x reader#tasm!peter parker x reader#peter parker x reader#marc spector x reader#javier pena x reader#ellie williams x reader#poe dameron x reader#cassian andor x reader#bucky barnes x reader#steve rogers x reader#logan howlett x reader#daryl dixon x reader#simon riley x reader#bruce wayne x reader#l0caltiredgirl#mike schmidt x reader#sam carpenter x reader#emily prentiss x reader
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