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emjayewrites · 4 months

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The Fast Lane (A Formula One Series)(2/?)

SYNOPSIS: Jesenia joins the private, membership-based dating app Raya searching for a sugar daddy. Instead, she unknowingly finds her biggest “whale”: Lewis Hamilton, a famous Formula One racing driver.

PAIRING: Sir Lewis Hamilton x Jesenia "Jessy" Hart (face claim is @/loriharvey)

WARNINGS: drama, angst, cursing, explicit sexual content, not-so-glamorous life in the influencer/racing world, kind of pre-established relationship. RATED M (18+)

PINTEREST: Jessy's F1 Outfits

PLAYLIST: The Fast Lane Spotify

TAGLIST: @royallyprincesslilly, @mauvecherie-writes, @saintslewis, @peyiswriting, @hamiltonvuitton, @cocobutterqwueen, @qveenmelanink, @ashanti-notthesinger, @lewisroscoelove, @lovebittenbyevans, @lew1s-prix, @jasmindaughteroftheworld, @eugene-emt-roe, @apenasumlug4r, @simpfortoomanymen, @roseseraj, @alika-4466, @httpsserene, @queenshikongo3, @cherry2stems, @non-stop-imagines, @anubisnoir @myescapefromthislife @chaneajoyyy @yeea-nah @mitruscity @lewiscrown @weetjy @a-moment-captured @sugardontbesweet @shaytheeprettiest @livinglifethroughfanfic @blveeeeeee @formula-hamilton @purplelewlew @trinitoldyouso @slytherinjimim3nthusiast @certifiedlesbianbaddie

AUTHOR'S NOTE: A bit of a change up to fit the story. Please let me know if you wish to be added/removed from the taglist. Anyways, enjoy! Dividers by @inklore!

CHAPTER TWO: The Letters of XNDA

Lewis was unconventional, an adrenaline junkie, and the epitome of Jack of All Trades. Jessy has been privy to gaining access to spaces of top-tier people, the multimillionaires and billionaires of the world, yet no one could ever be like Sir Lewis Hamilton.

After an amazing weekend in Monaco, Lewis invited her to another race — the Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona.

Of course, she agreed to attend, but Jessy soon realized there must be a time when she put her foot down and said no. Until then, she'll play along and be the supportive grid girl.

Before heading to Barcelona, Jessy returned to Miami to handle a few business meetings and the like. Her second collection for her swimwear line, Silver Doe, will be released in July and there were still so many preparations. During that time, she spent an unhealthy period online researching her mark.

She still had yet to learn his intentions with her and their arrangement, but she knew that he was hooked on her, especially after that night in Monte Carlo. Once he had a taste of her, he became an addict and was unable to stop. They christened his penthouse apartment, fucking on almost every surface imaginable.

Jessy couldn't deny that she enjoyed herself and his sexual proclivities both surprised and satisfied her, however, she had to keep her focus. She devised a well-thought-out plan before meeting him, and she refused to let it all go to waste.

She delved into any resource she could get her hands on: from his wild, partying days several years ago to his very interesting dating history; Jessy explored it all. She steered clear of learning his likes and dislikes, preferring to have a more natural way of learning these things, but she did discover that he loved music, so much so that he even recorded songs and had a feature on Christina Aguilera's album.

Suffice it to say, Lewis had a lot of business ventures and interests outside of professional racing, and he always seemed to keep Jessy on her toes. Like herself, Lewis was an enigma; he was a rulebreaker, an Alpha, an icon. Lewis was that guy; he was him.

And despite this, the fame complete with a large fanbase, the nose and ear piercings, and the tattoos, he was still very soft-spoken and down-to-earth, which made it quite difficult for Jessy to find a flaw and profit off of it.

Most of the guys she previously hung around with or dated had flaws. From gambling to drug problems, they had weaknesses she used to get whatever she wanted from them. But Lewis's only weakness was his close friends and family, and although Jessy wanted to finesse him, she's not that terrible of a person. With this in mind, the only other choice was to play into the media coverage.

Since pictures of their time in Monte Carlo were swirling around the internet, many tabloids contacted Jessy for comments, not to mention the several hundred thousand or so followers she gained on Instagram. She adhered to her manager and publicist's advice and turned down the chance to comment on her dealings with Lewis, but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to use this to her advantage.

Everyone, from sleazy tabloids to huge media conglomerates, wanted a piece of Lewis as well as whoever kept his company, so why shouldn't she give the people what they wanted? Of course, she would never post a picture of them in bed together; that was too distasteful and she wasn't as attention-hungry as the usual thots who hung around celebrities. But no one said that posting her existence would be a problem, thus Jessy decided to do just that: she'll give them just enough to keep her relevance in the blogs, and perhaps more sales for Silver Doe.

It's a win-win.

Trap music blasted from Lewis' motorhome inside Circuit de Barcelona Catalunya's paddock. Despite being several feet away, she could still easily decipher the lyrics to Future's "Life Is Good". Her entrance into the motor event and retrieval of all of her clearances was very quick, to say the least, and she couldn't help but think that this wasn't security's first rodeo with random women visiting Lewis.

Upon her research, she discovered that Lewis constantly surrounded himself with gorgeous women. From professional models to rappers and everyone in between; if she was gorgeous, Lewis had her. Jessy pushed all of those intrusive thoughts aside, deeming it unnecessary to think about the past women in Lewis' life. For the time being, she was the woman on his arm, and she had to put all of her energy into the job at hand.

Thankfully, regardless of her position as the first or eightieth woman to visit Lewis, she was met with equal respect from everyone, including his teammate and other competitors. Word spread quickly among the paddock about Lewis' 'new gal', and she was pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome. After her first race in Monaco, Lewis made sure she had everything she needed, even assigning an intern to be her designated guide.

Katie, the intern from Mercedes-AMG Petronas, was a friendly young woman in her early twenties with an energetic personality. When Jessy arrived in Barcelona, Katie welcomed her and kept her company during the drive to the paddock. She also filled Jessy in on all things Formula One with an enthusiastic speech.

Katie and Jessy strolled through the paddock, discussing the upcoming race weekend. This year, things were a bit different than in previous seasons. There was a new track in Las Vegas to debut, and the racing weekend was now extended to four days instead of three. "Lewis has a few interviews today, but I'm confident you can squeeze in some personal time with him. Do you have any questions about the schedule so far?" Katie said as they headed towards the drivers' RVs after finishing their tour of Lewis' team's motorhome.

Jessy shook her head, feeling overwhelmed as the young woman continued talking. Trying to understand the intricacies of F1 was an understatement; it would take a lot of time for Jessy to truly grasp everything. Katie's words fell on deaf ears as Jessy struggled to process it all.

What in the fuck am I getting myself into?

For Jessy, learning a sport without much prior knowledge was second nature. With both her father and stepfather being professional athletes, she grew up in the world of competitive sports, along with all the challenges that came with it. But F1 racing was proving to be a whole different ball game.

Katie gave a cheerful smile and wave before leaving Jessy at Lewis's door. She lifted her hand to knock, but just as she was about to, the door swung open, revealing Lewis in all his glory.

"Hey there," he said with a charming smile, inviting Jessy in.

"Hi," Jessy responded softly as she entered his motorhome. She glanced around the area, noting the slight disorderliness with scattered exercise equipment and clothing, along with his earphones and keyboard resting on the sofa. Despite the mess, it was a comfortable and surprisingly spacious living space. It exceeded her expectations in terms of size and quality.

Lewis closed the door behind them and turned to face her. He took in her appearance, the way her shoulder-length hair accented her delicate facial features, and how the curve of her hips filled out the tight jeans she was wearing. "You look stunning," he commented, causing a warm flush to creep up on Jessy's cheeks.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Lewis spoke with sincerity, "I'm happy you made it. I've been looking forward to spending more time with you. How was the flight?"

Jessy felt a flutter in her stomach at his words. It was clear that Lewis was interested in her, and with his reputation as a ladies' man, it both excited and intimidated her. She reminded herself that this was just a temporary fling; she couldn't let herself get too caught up in every little thing. "The flight was smooth, barely any turbulence. And Katie meeting me at the airport was a nice touch. Thank you for arranging that."

Lewis smiled, "No problem. I knew Katie would be a great help. Did you bring any luggage or just your gorgeous self?"

Jessy chuckled and took a seat on the sofa, "One of your bodyguards or someone brought it to the hotel. Is that where we're headed?"

"I usually stay here during race weekends," Lewis revealed, "But I can call them later to bring it 'round if you need anything."

Jessy glanced around the motorhome again, taking in more of her surroundings. "So, this is your home away from home?"

Lewis nodded, "Yeah, it's nice to have a comfortable space to relax in between races and all the chaos that comes with it." He took a seat next to her on the sofa and leaned back, looking completely at ease as his toned arm, decorated with tattoos, rested comfortably around her shoulders. "So...did you have time to think about what I said a few days ago?"

Jessy rolled her eyes playfully at him, causing Lewis to make a disapproving sound with his tongue.

"Jesenia, you're killin' me, woman," Lewis joked, pretending to be disappointed as he ran his hand down his face. "Have you, though?"

Jessy glanced down at her immaculately groomed hands. "I have," she confessed.

"And?"

She took a deep breath before meeting his gaze again. "I'm not sure if it's such a good idea."

"Why not?" Lewis probed gently.

"Because...you're asking for a lot." She raised her chin in defiance with a wry smile. Lewis reached out to caress her cheek. "What's in it for me, spending most of my time traveling between countries for your little races?"

"Little?" winced Lewis jokingly, "I thought you had more respect for me after that night in Monte Carlo?"

Jessy shot him a sardonic glance. "Just because you know how to swivel your hips really well doesn't mean I'm going to uproot my entire life for you. What about my business? My career? There needs to be some sort of return on investment for this, Lewis."

Lewis leaned in, his smirk growing into a menacing grin. "Return on investment, huh? Is that what this is all about?" His hot breath tickled her skin as he got closer, making her feel trapped and vulnerable.

Jessy resolutely met his gaze. "Is it not a valid concern?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Of course it is," he said, his tone taking on a more serious note. "And I understand that you have your own life and career to think about. But I can assure you, Jessy, that being with me will bring you many benefits."

Jessy's eyes narrowed in disbelief. "Such as?"

"Well, for starters, you'll get to travel the world," Lewis pointed out. "I know how passionate you are about seeing new places and experiencing different cultures."

"That's true," Jessy admitted.

"And let's not forget the gifts," Lewis added.

"You suddenly want to discuss presents, but every time I mention clothes or jewelry, you throw a fit."

Jessy's breath hitched as Lewis's fingertips traced a path down her bare skin. Goosebumps formed in the wake of his touch, and she trembled under his gentle exploration. "I know," he murmured, his lips hovering just above hers.

"But I do appreciate nice things," she continued.

"I know you do." Lewis brought his lips to her neck and placed a gentle kiss on the sensitive skin there, eliciting a shiver from Jessy. "And I want to give you nice things," he whispered against her skin.

Jessy's resolve began to crumble under the weight of Lewis's seductive words and actions. As much as she wanted to concede, she couldn't deny that there was still a part of her that was skeptical of his intentions.

"And...what else?" Jessy asked hesitantly.

"Well..." Lewis hesitated for a moment before meeting her gaze again. "There's me."

"You?" Jessy repeated incredulously.

"Yes," Lewis confirmed. "I may have a hectic schedule during race season but when I'm not racing, I have plenty of free time to spend with you. And judging by your reaction, you miss having me inside you, don't you?"

Lewis's words resonated with Jessy, causing a wave of memories to flood her mind. She knew he was right about one thing – she did miss the intensity and passion of their love-making. But was it enough?

Fuck no. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't," Jessy replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the growing desire in her body. "You seem to be real confident for a man that went right to sleep without a second care on whether I had an orgasm."

A smirk slowly formed at the corners of Lewis's lips. "I could feel you," he said in a low, seductive voice. "I felt how you tightened around me."

"And what if I say otherwise?" Jessy challenged, obviously playing mind games. Of course, she did, many times over to be exact, nevertheless, she enjoyed every chance she had to tease him.

Lewis couldn't help but chuckle at Jessy's provocation. "You know that's not true," he said with a knowing smile.

"Oh really?" Jessy raised an eyebrow, her expression daring him to prove her wrong.

"I can show you," Lewis replied confidently, his hands sliding down her sides to rest on her waist. "Right here, right now."

Jessy's breath hitched as Lewis's hands began to roam over her body, fueling the fire within her. His touch was intoxicating.

"Prove it then," she demanded, meeting his gaze with determination.

Lewis leaned in closer, his lips almost brushing against hers. "I will," he whispered before capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

Jessy moaned into the kiss as Lewis deepened it, his tongue exploring every inch of her mouth. Sparks flew between them, and she found herself losing control under his skilled ministrations.

Their bodies pressed against each other as they continued to kiss passionately, their hands roaming over each other's bodies. Jessy couldn't get enough of him – his touch, his scent, everything about him made her feel alive and desired.

Their kisses grew more frenzied and their breaths came in short gasps. Lewis suddenly pushed Jessy onto the couch and settled between her parted legs, their lips still locked. Jessy instinctively wrapped her legs around him as Lewis's hand slid up under her shirt to knead at one of her breasts. She moaned louder at the sensation and ran her fingers through his signature braids, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss even further.

But just when things were getting heated between them, they were interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door.

They both froze, their lips still slightly swollen from their intense kiss.

"Who could that be?" Jessy asked breathlessly, her eyes locked with Lewis's.

He shook his head, equally surprised and annoyed by the sudden interruption. "Someone from Merc, unfortunately," he replied with a frown.

They both reluctantly untangled themselves from each other and stood up, quickly straightening their clothes. Jessy shot one last longing look at Lewis before he headed towards the door. Sighing irritably as he opened the door, a communications assistant appeared before him. "Let me guess, time for those interviews?" he asked, and the woman nodded in confirmation. "Gimme a minute?"

"Of course," the woman replied, her eyes following Lewis as he walked back to where Jessy was waiting. She smiled patiently as he spoke to Jessy.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I have to go," Lewis said with a tinge of disappointment in his tone. "I'll make it up to you later."

"How long will you be gone?" Jessy inquired, hoping it wouldn't be too long.

"It could take a couple of hours, possibly longer. These things can be unpredictable. I'll text you in an hour or so with an ETA," Lewis explained.

Before she could say anything else, Lewis leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips before walking out with the assistant in tow.

She was deemed speechless for several moments, completely off guard by Lewis' public display of affection.

What the hell was that?

The excitement of the F1 weekend had taken hold of the city, and the paddock was filled with people wearing their favorite team colors and vendors selling all kinds of merchandise. The Spanish Grand Prix was just around the corner, and she had the opportunity to attend Free Practice Day, the second day of the event where drivers and teams could get accustomed to the track, experiment with car setups, and gather important data.

Yesterday, once Lewis finished his driver duties and returned, they resumed their activities from earlier that day, making up for lost time. They eventually took a break for dinner at a local restaurant in downtown Barcelona.

The next morning, with a long day ahead of him, Lewis left not too long ago, but not before giving a small gift as a token of his affection.

Jessy stood in the luxurious bathroom of the motorhome, admiring her reflection in the mirror, Her hair and makeup were kept simple yet chic, with a few tendrils falling temptingly into her face. The outfit put together by Lewis' stylist, Eric O'Neal, was hung up close by on a hook and a stunning Cartier watch was placed on the counter. The watch gleamed under the bathroom lights, its gold links and sparkling diamonds catching the light. Its intricate design was a work of art, with a sleek face and delicate hands. Jessy felt like she was living in a dream, but she didn't want to break the spell. She put on the elegant outfit, followed by delicately placing the watch around her wrist, marveling at how perfectly it fit. She couldn't help but feel giddy, knowing that this gift came from Lewis himself. Then, she exited the motorhome to head to the track.

As expected, news of her presence at the race weekend traveled quickly through the blogs, and she even made a splash as a headline in Daily Mail: F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton spotted dining with model Jessy Hart in Barcelona. She was quickly becoming a popular topic of conversation, as her phone constantly buzzed with various notifications, and everyone wanted to know all about her.

Jessy had nothing to hide; like Lewis, she had a unique dating history. However, growing up in the public eye was not new to her. Both her father and stepfather were NFL players, but they did their best to shield her and her sister, Jenesis, from the media's attention. Despite this, reporters often mentioned them in articles about either man. It didn't take long for the public to uncover her past, and the rumors began to spread like wildfire. She was certain that her intrusive mother would call soon, eager to gather all the juicy details about her situation with Lewis.

Jessy navigated through the bustling paddock and arrived at the pit lane. Cameras clicked and flashed, reporters shouted for interviews, but she kept her head down and focused on finding Lewis. She didn't want to cause a distraction; after all, this wasn't about her. The teams were setting up their garages, polishing their cars, and doing last-minute adjustments. Revving engines echoed through the pit lane, making it almost impossible to hold a conversation without shouting.

Finally, she spotted him at the Mercedes garage, deep in conversation with his race engineer. She couldn't help but smile as she watched him, his passion and determination evident in every gesture he made.

As if sensing her presence, Lewis turned around and caught sight of her. A bright smile spread across his face as he excused himself from the conversation and walked towards her.

"Hey beautiful," he said, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey," Jessy replied with a grin as she took in his appearance. He was decked out in his team's gear, yet out of her peripheral vision, she spotted an anorak folded on a chair with designs quite similar to the outfit she currently had on. "Are we matching?"

"Maybe," Lewis said, sotto voce, taking her hand and leading her to a quieter corner of the garage, away from the prying eyes and constant buzz of activity.

Jessy quirked an eyebrow, his response piquing her interest. "So, why did you suddenly think we have to coordinate outfits? Isn't that just playing into a tired stereotype?"

Lewis chuckled, reaching out to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "Because I like it," he said with a wink. "You don't wanna match with me?"

Jessy was about to say something, but before she could, a team member appeared with a clipboard in hand and interrupted them.

"Lewis, we need to go over some details about the car before the second practice starts."

"Right, coming," Lewis replied, glancing apologetically at Jessy.

"It's okay, I'll just hang around here for a bit," Jessy said with a smile.

Lewis gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off with his team member. Jessy watched him walk away with admiration; there was something so attractive about seeing him in his element.

As she waited for him to finish up, Jessy took the opportunity to explore the garage. The smell of rubber and fuel filled her nostrils as she walked among the cars and equipment. She couldn't help but feel exhilarated by being so close to the heart of Formula 1.

She was trying to take a closer look at one of the Mercedes cars when someone cleared their throat behind her. Turning around, she came face to face with someone she recognized from her research -Lewis' boss, Toto Wolff.

"Can I help you?" he asked politely in a thick Austrian accent. The facial expression he held was stoic and his lips formed into a thin line.

"Oh no, sorry," Jessy replied quickly, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I'm just...uh...I'm Lewis' friend."

Toto's expression softened as he recognized her from photos he had seen circulating in the media. "Ah yes, Jessy Hart," he said with a smile. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," Jessy replied politely.

"I can see why Lewis is so taken with you," Toto continued. "You have quite the beauty about you."

Jessy blushed at the compliment and thanked him, not quite sure how to respond. Just then, Lewis returned and joined Toto and Jessy in their conversation. Toto and Lewis caught up on some details about the car, while Jessy tried to blend in and listen attentively. After a few minutes, Toto excused himself and left the garage.

Lewis turned to Jessy with a smile. "I see you've met Toto," he said.

"Yeah, he seems nice," Jessy replied.

"He's more than nice," Lewis chuckled. "He's one of the most respected figures in Formula 1."

With a bit of time before his second practice session, Lewis saw an opportunity to introduce Jessy to the rest of his team. "This is Peter, but we call him Bono, He's my ace, my engineer," he said with a friendly slap on the shoulder to a man with glasses and brown hair. "Bono, this is Jessy. You may see her often if she takes on my offer to travel with us."

"That's good news. It's always helpful to have some extra support in keeping him from getting too overwhelmed," joked Bono, earning a laugh from Lewis.

"It's still up in the air, but we'll see," replied Jessy, stealing a glance at Lewis.

Their eyes locked for a moment before Lewis broke the silence by saying, "Yeah, you'll definitely be seeing more of her."

The second practice started shortly after, and Jessy watched from the sidelines as Lewis drove the car around the track with precision and speed, navigating expertly around the tight corners and straights. The mechanical hum and vibrations echoing throughout the garage created a symphony that breathed life into the space.

A moment later, Jessy's phone buzzed in her purse. She pulled it out to see her mother's name on the screen. With a sigh, she stepped outside the garage and answered her phone, trying to tune out the loud sounds of Formula 1 cars zooming by on the track. "Hey Mom, what's up?" she asked, leaning against a nearby wall.

"So when were you going to tell me that you're with some race driver?" her mother replied, curtly. "Some British guy named Lewis, huh? Honestly, I'm not surprised; you always knew how to pick your men. Anyways, how long you've been dating him?"

Jessy couldn't help but roll her eyes at her mother's constant prying. Their relationship had always been distant and overbearing. Her mother ran their household like a business, always making shrewd decisions. After her father's affair, Jessy's mother was determined to find a new husband, and she quickly snatched up Jessy's stepfather (who coincidentally played on a rival NFL team). Fortunately, James Bullard treated Jessy as his own daughter and loved her just as much as his biological children. However, this didn't stop her mother from being critical of every aspect of Jessy's life - from her brief career in modeling to her current venture as a swimwear designer. No matter what Jessy did, her mother always seemed to have an opinion about it all.

"Mom, it's not like that," she protested. "I met him a week or so ago. It's not like we're dating or anything."

"Mhmm, we'll see about that," her mother replied skeptically.

"Just be cautious, Jesenia. These race car drivers have a reputation for being playboys. You can't just keep living carefree like this forever. Your future is something you need to start considering. Take Jenesis, for example. She's six years younger than you, and she's already expecting her third child with DeVon."

And yet, she still doesn't have a wedding ring. "I know, Mom," Jessy replied, trying to reassure her before quickly ending the call. "I'll talk to you later. I'm kind of busy at the moment."

She let out a frustrated sigh as she walked back into the garage, trying to push her mother's words out of her mind. It was just like Paula to always bring up her little sister and her sister's terrible baby-daddy whenever a new man came into Jessy's life.

"I need a fuckin' drink," she muttered to herself. She allowed it to affect her for all but ten seconds before she plastered a fake smile onto her face and watched as Lewis pulled into the pits after finishing his second practice session. Sweat glistened on his forehead and his heart was pounding. Exhilarated but exhausted, he couldn't help but take a moment to catch his breath. His team quickly went to work on the car, making adjustments and analyzing data while Lewis debriefed with Bono.

After a few minutes of discussion, Lewis turned to Jessy with a grin. "You ready for some lunch?" he asked.

"Definitely," Jessy replied eagerly.

As they walked back towards the hospitality area in the paddock, Lewis casually draped an arm around Jessy's shoulder. They sat down at a table filled with delicious food and chatted about their morning so far. Jessy shared how impressed she was by Lewis' driving skills while he talked about some upcoming races he was excited about.

Amidst the chaotic lunch crowd, she caught a glimpse of Spinz walking alongside Brazilian soccer star Neymar Jr. as they made their way into the team's motorhome.

"Holy shit." Jessy tried to remain composed as she whispered to Lewis, "Oh my God. Is that really him?"

Lewis glanced at Jessy before turning his attention to their special guest. "Yeah, that's Neymar. We met at an event last year and he decided to come watch me race."

As soon as their eyes met, Lewis got up from his seat to greet the famous soccer player. "Hey, how's it going?" he asked with enthusiasm.

"Good, good," replied Neymar in his trademark Brazilian accent. Neymar's gaze shifted over to Jessy and judging by the flirtatious look he gave her, he liked what he saw. "Menina bonita."

Jessy's heart skipped a beat as she watched the exchange between Lewis and Neymar. She couldn't believe that he was hitting on her. But then, Lewis' response brought her back to reality.

"Fuck no," Lewis drawled, shaking his head. "Find another one, mate."

"Ah, she's your girl then?" Neymar asked with a grin.

Jessy could feel herself blushing and tried to play it cool as she replied, "Yeah, he wishes."

Lewis chuckled and sent her an amused look before introducing her properly. "This is Jessy Hart. Jessy, this is Neymar Jr."

"Nice to meet you," Neymar said with a charming smile.

"You as well."

They returned to the Mercedes garage, where Lewis gave Neymar a tour and explained the technical details of Formula One racing. Jessy and Spinz watched from a distance as the two men conversed with passion and excitement about their shared love for speed and competition.

"How are you handling all this attention?" asked Spinz. "I've seen you all over the media lately."

"It's been hectic," was her reply. She planned on using this publicity to her advantage, but she also didn't enjoy being constantly watched, especially by her nosy ass mother.

"Lewis told me that you might be joining us on the road," Spinz commented, causing Jessy to let out a groan.

"He's been telling everyone that," she replied to Spinz. "I told him I would consider it."

"Unfortunately, he can be a bit of a control freak," Spinz acknowledged, causing Jessy to raise an eyebrow in concern. "Not in a crazy, overbearing way, but if he likes you, he'll want you around. Look what happened to me."

Jessy laughed at his statement. "Yeah, I'm starting to see that. But we'll see."

Lewis and Neymar walked through the crowd that stood near the pits, signing autographs and taking pictures with excited fans. She couldn't believe how easygoing Lewis was with his fans – always taking time to interact with each one of them instead of rushing off to his next obligation. But then again, this was another trait that made him so likable – his genuine kindness towards others.

After they finished signing autographs, Lewis returned to Jessy with a sly grin on his handsome face.

"You ready to get out of here?"

Jessy eagerly nodded and followed Lewis as he led them back to his motorhome. Her luggage sat unassumingly in the living room, like an old friend waiting to be reunited.

'Bout fucking time, she thought.

But as they stepped inside, Lewis' behavior changed abruptly. He had her against the counter in a flash, his lips capturing hers in a passionate kiss. His hands roamed eagerly over her body, tracing the curve of her waist and the delicate contours of her back. His touch ignited a fire within Jessy, setting every nerve ablaze with desire.

"You think that's cute flirting with Neymar?" growled Lewis in her ear.

She felt his possessiveness in the way he held her, as if she were his prized possession, and it thrilled her to the core. It was a side of him she had yet to see, but one that excited her even more. She leaned into him, savoring the feel of his strong arms around her.

Breathless, they broke apart for a moment, their eyes locked in a fierce dance of longing and anticipation. Lewis couldn't help but notice the mischievous glint in Jessy's gaze, a taunting twinkle that stirred his hunger even further. He knew she was enjoying this power she had over him, and he couldn't deny that he loved it just as much.

"You're jealous," she taunted, her voice dripping with seduction. "Jealous that he can make me wetter than you can."

Lewis' eyes flashed with desire at her bold statement, and he couldn't resist the urge to prove her wrong. He took her by surprise, his lips crashing onto hers once again in a frenzy of need and passion. He held her close as their tongues tangled in a dance of dominance.

"Do I look jealous to you?" he breathed against her lips.

Without another word, Lewis scooped her up and placed her on the counter. Jessy had never felt so alive before – every touch from Lewis sent electricity running through her veins and every kiss left her craving more. His hands grasped at her clothes as he slowly removed them, his lips burning a trail along her exposed skin.

Moaning heavenward, Jessy was overwhelmed with a surge of heat as Lewis' mouth engulfed one of her nipples, his tongue flicking over it in a teasing rhythm. She arched her back in pleasure, urging him on. But just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, he switched to the other side, giving it the same attention and driving Jessy wild with desire. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer as he pleased her.

One by one, Lewis's clothes joined hers on the hardwood floors and he bit his bottom lip at the naked, ethereal being that stood before him.

"Turn around," he ordered in a deep voice.

"Or what?" she challenged, teasingly raising an eyebrow.

But before she could even blink, Lewis had grabbed her by the waist and forcefully turned her around so that her back faced him.

"Ow! What the fuck?" she exclaimed, more from shock than pain.

"Shut up," he growled, his voice sending shivers down Jessy's spine. "You're so fuckin' bratty, you know that? You need discipline."

Jessy began to chuckle at his words, but it quickly turned into a moan as she felt him enter her from behind. His movements became more forceful and intense. He was relentless in his thrusts – each one hitting a spot deep within her that made Jessy lose control.

"Baby..." she moaned out his name as he continued to take her from behind with unforgiving passion.

"See? That wasn't so hard, huh?" Lewis crooned into her ear as he nuzzled against her neck. "All you needed was some dick, yes? You need Daddy, right baby girl?"

Jessy could only whimper in response, completely lost in the pleasure he was giving her.

Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, Lewis pulled out of her and flipped Jessy onto the counter once again. Her eyes widened at the sudden shift in positions and she eagerly spread herself open for him. Without warning, Lewis plunged back inside of her with an animalistic grunt. Jessy's moans filled the kitchen as he continued to move inside of her, his hands gripping tightly onto her hips. Her body trembled as she felt herself building towards climax.

"Harder... please," she begged, her voice breathless and desperate.

Lewis complied, thrusting harder and faster into her. Jessy cried out in ecstasy as she finally reached her peak, her body convulsing in pleasure. He followed soon after, his movements becoming more erratic before he stilled and collapsed onto Jessy's sweaty body.

They stayed like that for a few moments, trying to catch their breaths and come down from their high. Finally, Lewis pulled out of Jessy and stood up straight with a smug grin on his face.

"I told you that I don't play," he whispered in her ear as he kissed the top of her head.

Motherfucker.

TO BE CONTINUED....

#emjayewrites #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton x black!reader #sir lewis hamilton x black!reader #lewis hamilton fanfic #sir lewis hamilton #formula 1 #formula one x oc #f1 fanfic #the fast lane #lewis hamilton x black reader #lewis hamilton x black oc #lewis hamilton x jessy hart

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zepskies · 5 months

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Why We Love the Boys

As promised, here is my review of Supes Ain’t Always Heroes. I actually used to write book reviews in my high school journalism days, so here we go!

What this book is: A masterful deep dive. A study on character psychology, the source of the comic and show’s inspiration, and the narrative themes illustrated in The Boys that parallel American culture and our real lives.

It includes interviews from one of the comic’s creators, Darick Robertson, The Krip himself (Eric Kripke), and actors Jim Beaver (Robert Singer), Aya Cash (Stormfront), Chace Crawford (The Deep), Jessie T. Usher (A-Train), Nathan Mitchell (Black Noir), and of course, Jensen Ackles (Soldier Boy).

It also includes a small but significant ode to the creativity of fans and fandom (with a mention of fanfic writers)!

I’ll admit, I felt seen. 😊

Who wrote it: Psychologists Lynn S. Zubernis and Matthew Snyder. Zubernis is a self-proclaimed fangirl of not only this show, but Supernatural and Eric Kripke in general. (That aspect definitely comes through in her writing.)

She is also editor of Family Don’t End with Blood: Cast and Fans on How Supernatural Changes Lives and There’ll Be Peace When you Are Done: Actors and Fans Celebrate the Legacy of Supernatural. Both of which I now want to read.

Several other authors also contributed to this book, as their expertise and backgrounds lend to the subjects they’re covering, such as racism, sexism, the entertainment industry, the comic’s inception, and more.

Who wants to read this book: Anyone who enjoys learning about what makes characters tick. What drives their choices, their sense of morality and justice, and their trauma and strife that lead them to do heinous things. This book will help you better understand your favorite characters (and how to write about them).

Perhaps most importantly, this book is for anyone who wants to read it put into words, why many of us love The Boys, as well as Supernatural.

In a way, the latter is more escapism entertainment than The Boys. Because in this show, there isn’t much, if any escape.

Despite this being a “superhero show,” as we all know, it’s so much more than that. It’s a mirror held directly into our own faces: about why we enjoy heroes and antiheroes, and excuse the “bad behavior” of the ones we like.

About mental health, grief and loss, nature and nurture, coping mechanisms and the importance of choice in dealing with trauma; of racism, sexism, misogyny, weaponized social media, politics, corporate greed, and the power (and cruelty) of good marketing.

This book explores the true villain of the story (and it ain’t Homelander).

I’m going to get into my favorite aspects of this book—as well as an amazing chapter on Soldier Boy’s character study (and why we love him, perhaps too much).

Though in my opinion, it was missing one small, but key thing…

The Mirror of The Boys on Screen

This world is a gritty, bloody, and at times all-too realistic take on how superheroes would be if they lived in our world.

They are the worst of celebrities, professional athletes, and politicians all rolled into one. They are the shiny products of a company and are marketed as such. And they often buy into their own hype.

Some of my favorite quotes on this topic:

“The Boys often reflects darkness in our real world that is uncomfortable to watch. While we go through the tedium of our daily lives, trying to get by and using television or comics as an escape, it can feel difficult and overwhelming to confront the very real and insidious sources of authoritarianism, nationalism, and corporatism that are not just part of a story. “This show holds up a mirror and forces us to catch a glimpse of things we need to question, and asks us why we so easily believe the talking points of systems with marketing departments and press flacks behind them that carefully massage every word in order to get us to feel enamored with their product or policy.” (p. 227-228)

“The Boys works to reveal the nonaltruistic, sociopathic nature of contemporary US corporate culture. In a sense, The Boys uses the behavior of its characters to diagnose not an individual, but a culture.” (255)

In studying narrative I’ve learned that the best fiction and art serve to reflect the human experience. In this case, it’s something The Boys does expertly, even though it’s packaged in extreme, shocking, and often uncomfortable ways. But also in brutal, hilarious satire that’s fun to watch.

It “exposes real-world abuses, revealing many” of our own frustrations in American culture and in life in general (267).

Major Themes & Questions Explored

Several Boys themes are explored from a psychological, cultural, and narrative point of view, as I mentioned earlier. These are some of my favorite segments:

Toxic Masculinity & Narcissism

A whopper in The Boys, and the main theme of season 3. This book defines clearly what both of these words actually mean from a psychological point of view.

It also takes the bad taste out of your mouth that you might get from just hearing the words “toxic masculinity,” as it’s a phrase that can be carelessly thrown around to describe men and character traits that aren’t truly toxic.

How being emotionally available to your loved ones and not repressive of your feelings doesn’t make you weak, or less of a man. And how “being strong” doesn’t mean being physically violent and domineering. (AKA: the Big Swinging Dick™️ in the room.)

Narcissism is explored in a very interesting way. The book gives a diagram of different aspects of narcissists and how each character (Soldier Boy, Homelander, Butcher, and the Deep) falls into them.

Soldier Boy, for example, is classified as a “Classic Narcissist,” while Homelander a “Malignant Narcissist.” <- This will play into SB’s character study, and the main difference between SB and Homelander.

Butcher, however, displays narcissistic tendencies but is not, in fact, a narcissist. (More of an antisocial sociopath. Yay for him.)

Misogyny & Sexism

The classic superhero world of comics dates back to the 1930s and ‘40s. It has been, and in many respects still is a (White) male-dominated industry, where in narrative, female superheroes typically work under a male leading the team, as in Justice League, Teen Titans, and the Avengers.

As much as I love DC and Marvel comics, female characters have also been drawn wildly sexual for male readers and the male gaze, and non-supe characters have been written primarily as love interests and damsels for the hero to save. (Think Lois Lane, Lana Lang, and Mary Jane.)

Modern adaptions have given female characters more agency, but their foundations were rooted in underlying sexism and the mythic hero—an Odysseus-type with certain characteristics of male strength and heroism. And that goes all the way back to classic literature, like The Odyssey, Beowulf, and the Epic of Gilgamesh.

In The Boys, the female supes go through the same issues as their comic counterparts. And they are treated how women are treated in the real world—marketable as sexual objects. (Starlight’s forced costume change is a prime example.)

Author Danielle Turchiano argues in the book that the women in power at Vought (Madelyn Stillwell, later Ashley) are given only so much power as men like Stan Edgar and Homelander give to them.

Stillwell, Ashley, and even Stormfront “drink the Kool Aid” of the misogynistic infrastructure of Vought, but they’re not truly “powerful” in and of themselves. (112)

And I would add that the only female characters that have or find true agency are Grace Mallory, Annie January/Starlight, and Maggie Shaw/Queen Maeve. Even Victoria Neuman is trying to work the political schematic and Vought by operating “within the system” Vought has created.

Mental Health, Trauma & Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

This is a huge section, and rightly so. It kind of spans throughout the book, really, because all of these characters have traumas that inform who they are as adults making the (often grotesque) choices they make.

For many of these characters, it stems from their upbringing and fraught relationships with their parents, whether explicitly or implicitly explored in the show.

Butcher: Is an antisocial sociopath with narcissistic tendencies. Arrogant, emotionally manipulative, violent, and obsessive. He was also physically and emotionally abused by his father, led to use drinking and violence as a means to cope and express himself. His rage is so deep under his skin—he loathes himself for it (and his father), but struggles immensely to escape it.

Homelander: A malignant narcissist, the height of arrogance, and emotionally manipulative. He lacks empathy for others' pain, and in fact enjoys inflicting it. Yet he was a sensitive, gentle child who only wanted connection and love. Vogelbaum raised him like a lab rat and fostered him in a cold, detached cell. He was raised to be entitled and to believe he was an all-powerful god, the lord of his own kingdom within his mind, excused from the responsibility of his actions.

Soldier Boy: Also a narcissist; violent, arrogant, misogynistic, and often indifferent to the damage he causes, emotional or physical. Yet he was also emotionally abused by his father, who set impossible standards for what it meant to be a man. It drives Ben to try and prove his worth to his father, though he’s never able to. It fosters the lack of self-worth he feels as he seeks validation through fame and what he believes power to be.

These three characters have many similarities, but also notable differences that set them apart from one another. And both Butcher and Soldier Boy use substances like drugs and alcohol to cope with their traumas—ones that their forced stoicism and sense of manhood won’t allow them to easily express.

“We see Soldier Boy use substances almost continuously in season three to deal with his PTSD from the childhood emotional abuse he received from his father, the betrayal and assault from his team, and the torture he endured from the Russian scientists.

“In the short term, the use of drugs and alcohol to avoid thoughts and feelings about traumatic experiences can be felt as helpful, but in the long term, it hinders one’s ability to process emotions and can cause a deeper depression from the guilt and shame of both avoidance and substance abuse.” (27)

Heroes, Antiheroes & Villains

This book explores two key questions that the show encourages you to think about:

Who the hell is the hero of this story?

And who is the villain?

The surface-level answer is that Homelander and other supes like him are the villains, and Butcher and his band of bros are the heroes (or antiheroes). But they commit just as questionable, sketchy, and downright murderous acts as the supes they’re trying to take down.

“Butcher is not really a good guy. He’s manipulative and self-centered. His reasons for wanting to take down Homelander are utterly personal. That it serves the greater good is almost a coincidence.” (9)

And if Butcher is not a hero, but a vengeful vigilante, then why do we root for him so much?

Well, we see his incredible flaws. But I sympathize with his struggle in losing his wife and the life he could've continued to have with her. I root for the underdog going against the hydra head of Vought and the psychopathic Homelander.

And I see in Butcher, as I also do with Homelander and Soldier Boy, their traumas and their internal conflicts, their deep-rooted self-loathing, and a desire, deep, deep down…to be loved.

(And to foster connection with others, even if they’re unable to sustain them.)

On the flipside, we have antagonists in this show who do truly heinous things. What makes them compelling and even sympathetic, yet again, are their painful upbringings that have shaped them to be who they are. The supes of this show are byproducts of being treated like products.

Like the saying goes: Villains aren’t born, they’re made.

That’s why the real villain of this story is Vought International. It’s an allegory, and an indictment of the ruthless corporate greed that pervades American culture—and much of the world.

It’s why Stan Edgar is sometimes scarier to me than even Homelander (and was the true villain of my story, Break Me Down), if far more insidious.

Speaking of BMD, let’s get to it, shall we?

Here’s a (lot) bit about the Soldier Boy section of the book.

Soldier Boy: Why We Can’t Hate Him

I had to laugh out loud at the title of Soldier Boy’s chapter:

Loving the Villain: The Confusing Case of Soldier Boy

I’m not gonna lie. I felt called out. 😂

It is a confusing dichotomy. Soldier Boy is an absolute asshole. Misogynistic, narcissistic, arrogant, callous, violent…

But also deeply traumatized, a man-out-of-time, emotionally abused, byproduct of the historically and culturally different time he was raised in, a man who just doesn’t get it…

And also charming, adorably grumpy, and undoubtedly attractive.

It’s hard to indict “Ben” as an unredeemable villain in the same way I do Homelander, the psychologist-labelled Malignant Narcissist.

Therein lies the main difference between Soldier Boy and Homelander: Soldier Boy doesn’t take joy in harming others the way Homelander does. But he still harms people, whether he means to or not.

Zubernis confirms many of my own conclusions and ideas about Soldier Boy, and why I still rooted for him to be better, and didn’t want him to die at the end of season 3.

As Zubernis rightly exclaimed during her own watch of the finale: “Noooo, don’t kill the Danger Grandpa Baby Murder Kitten!” (175)

Because Jensen did what he does best in his roles: He made us feel Ben’s pain.

“What’s funny is, in regard to Jensen playing Soldier Boy, you know he’s fucking fantastic, he’s just so good at bringing the audience, and it’s almost like—what I laugh about is, he was probably a little too good at his job!” Kripke said. (180)

And he continues, “In part it’s because of the fandom. So many people took his side in the finale, they’re like, Were’s on his side, fuck everyone! And you’re like, but he’s the bad guy and he’s trying to kill a ten-year-old.”

Were there fans who held this viewpoint? I’m sure. There are some radicals who don’t give a fuck and will side with their favorite character, come whatever. But while I can’t speak for others, that’s not how I interpreted that moment in the season 3 finale.

Yes, I think Soldier Boy was (wrongfully) willing to fight Ryan. Do I think he would’ve killed him? I’m not sure. I think he would’ve done what he had to do to get Ryan out of his way in his fight with Homelander. Maybe he would’ve been more violent than he intended, in the callous collateral damage he’d shown throughout the season, or maybe he would’ve gone that far, if provoked.

It’s a tough call, as I think this character can go one way or the other in terms of his “villain” nature. We just haven’t seen enough of him in the series yet for me to make that conclusion on the canon-version of Soldier Boy. (In fanfic, I’ve explored my own interpretation.)

But overall, I think The Krip once again underestimated the power of Jensen’s acting.

…And the ardent nature of his mostly female fanbase. 😂

Why We Love Soldier Boy

The author cites multiple reasons for why we love Ben more than we probably should:

It’s Jensen Ackles. Fair enough. His talent speaks for itself.

Soldier Boy’s backstory: He was emotionally abused by his father and as a result, he has a complex regarding his self-worth, “something to prove,” and a secret need for attention, validation, and praise.

He has trauma and PTSD: He is displaced from what is familiar to him and confused when the boys find him, and that is the least of it. He’s been tortured for 40 years. Can you even conceive of that?

He’s charming: in a sexy grandpa, adorably grumpy, lovable asshole kind of way.

We’re drawn to danger: dangerous “edgy” types are fun, especially when you’re physically attracted to the character.

He has his moments of vulnerability: Jensen’s ability to play the nuance in the character is the ultimate draw. I felt his pain, could see his torture, and his resulting PTSD. He longs for a family, even if his ability to bring up those children is questionable at best. 😅

But I think the one aspect the author doesn’t consider is the character’s capacity for change.

Soldier Boy’s Potential

Again, I don’t think you can write off Soldier Boy’s potential for positive character development the same way you can Homelander, or even Butcher.

For one thing, we just haven’t spent enough time with the character. A lot of his collateral damage after he escapes imprisonment has been accidental, or PTSD-induced. Though we can’t discount how he murdered M.M.’s grandfather via collateral damage (and was callous about it).

I think this is what drew me to write about Soldier Boy. “For all his arrogance, his chauvinism, his massive ego and general bastardry, there’s still humanity in Ben.”

In the book, Nathan Mitchell also says something amazing about his own character (Black Noir) that resonated with me about Soldier Boy as well:

"One of the ingredients of a compelling character is contradiction. How does one aspect of our personality contradict with one another? [...] Who is he underneath? How might his true nature contrast with the demands of his job?"

Or coded for Soldier Boy/Ben: The pressures he puts on himself to be the type of man he thought his father wanted him to be.

Again, his sexist, misogynistic ideals are shaped by the time he was raised in, by being a product of Vought, and of his father’s emotionally abusive upbringing. Does this excuse or justify all of his behavior? Of course not.

But I think those 40 years in captivity changed him from the careless alpha dog we saw in 1984 Nicaragua…

He admits to Crimson Countess, with tears in his eyes, that he’d loved her. That he waited for her and his team—arguably the only social system he has in his life—to save him. He’s gutted to realize that not only did she and the rest of the team never love him, they hated him. They traded him for nothing. Just to get him out of their lives.

For all he claims to be afraid of nothing, tough as shit, he is afraid when he goes to face Mindstorm. He knows what the supe is capable of, and he visibly takes a shaky breath and tries to steel himself.

For a moment, he drops the “Soldier Boy” persona that he wears like a fine tailored suit. And he tells Butcher that the backstory Vought created for him was a lie; he grew up a rich kid who got sent to boarding school, but flunked out, because "he was a fuck up." And his father couldn’t be bothered to discipline him, implying he didn’t care enough about his own son to even lay a hand on him.

He is reluctant to kill Homelander when he finds out he’s Ben’s son (sort of). He even claims that he would’ve been willing to share the spotlight “with his own son.” — Something I doubt even Homelander would do.

Ben even seems to be fighting tears when he levies the same vitriol at Homelander that his own father did at him:

Homelander: “Weak? I’m you.”

Soldier Boy: “I know. You’re a fucking disappointment.”

Let me be clear. I don’t think it’s up to someone to change him (like a love interest). I don’t subscribe to that thinking, that a woman can “change” a man.

For example: In season 2, Butcher tells Becca, “Who was I before you? Nothing.”

And yet, she tells him that he put her on an unrealistic and unsustainable pedestal, in which she felt like she wasn’t allowed to fully be herself, unable to keep him from flying off the handle in rage. That kind of relationship (where one is dependent on the other to “keep them in check”) doesn’t work as a lasting, satisfying redemption arc, and it doesn’t work in real life either.

I do think, however, that a person is capable of change if they’re broken down enough (pun intended), and if they themselves have a desire to change. Someone they encounter can inspire them to be better, like Butcher with Hughie. That person can help support the other.

At the end of the day, however, it’s Ben that has to want to change.

If he wants love and connection, he’ll have to somehow want it, and try (and sometimes fail) to get it, thereby giving him agency and a redemptive character arc.

Now, obviously, it’s up to The Krip where Ben goes from here. He seems to have a more indicting vision of the character than I do (at least, so far). But we’ll see! The fan demand to bring back the character has already had Kripke confirming that Soldier Boy will be back.

Maybe it will encourage him to give the character a more satisfying ending than Dean Winchester got in Supernatural. Though granted, that one wasn’t his doing, apparently he was in favor of the ending the writers came up with.

Comparing Dean & Ben

In his interview segment, Jensen talks about what, if any, are the comparisons between Dean Winchester and Soldier Boy. AKA: Wanting a father’s approval, and an undercurrent of “John Wayne”-esque masculinity in John Winchester that Dean sought to emulate.

Jensen also talks about where he drew from to not only embody the character of Soldier Boy, but bring nuance to him—and show the peeks of vulnerability under the bravado and stoicism.

“He’s so fragile and his ego is fragile. Just like Homelander. These bigger-than-life powerful heroes really have a glass jaw… “And everyone walks on eggshells around him [Soldier Boy], and they tell him that they love him, and it’s the same with Homelander. Then when all of a sudden he faces his old team and Crimson Countess says we never loved you, we hated you—that’s a gut punch for him. Because even though on some level he may have known that, he never thought he would hear it. “And he probably propped himself up around trying to believe otherwise, because how can you walk around knowing everyone you’ve ever cared about hates you? It’s too painful.” (191)

It really is. And I inherently felt this about Soldier Boy/Ben when I watched season 3 for the first time. That��s exactly what I got from his performance and thought, there’s more to this guy than the toxic masculinity he represents.

This guy just wants to be loved, like everyone else. He wants to feel important, and even after his father’s dead, “show him” that Ben is the man his father wanted him to be. And so, he bought into the illusion Vought painstakingly crafted for him.

Whether he can come back from that remains to be seen. But I choose to be optimistic until evidence points to the contrary. 😅 (We’ll see in season 4!)

So that’s my personal take on Soldier Boy and this awesome book. 💚 Thank you again @kaleldobrev for recommending it to me! I hope you all enjoyed my long-winded review and want to check this out.

And if you do read it, I hope to read your thoughts as well!

Tagging people who said they wanted to read my review on this book: @venus-haze @jessjad @kristophalis @sl33pylilbunny