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nettheworldonfire · 2 years

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The post that almost wasn’t...

I started writing this post in April. Yes, April. Five months ago.

Then I got sidetracked and tried to finish in May, but the end of the school year had me too crazy to actually finish it. Then it was summer and well, I couldn’t be bothered with opening a computer most days. Too much fun in the sun to be had. Now it’s the beginning of the school year and I’ve never been more stressed out and tired, but it’s Blood Cancer Awareness Month and I’m due for a post...

So, be patient with me as I retell this story(ies?)...and try to keep things reported in a timely fashion from here on out.

On Sunday, August 14th, I had my 30th Lanreotide injection and tomorrow I’ll have my 31st. It’s been two and a half years of this medicine, and it has been working to keep my tumor growth to a minimum. I am very thankful for that.

Back in mid-April, I had been experiencing significant pain under my right rib for about five days, and since that’s the general spot my liver is in, I was super stressed that it was my tumors acting up. After some convos with oncology, they asked me to come into the Perlman Center at UPenn to see the oncology urgent care team and get my scans done a bit early. (They were scheduled for May 3rd). So on April 26th, I made the hike into the big city. I forgot about how annoying it was to drive into West Philly (damn you, Schuylkill!) since I was re-diagnosed in February 2020 and only had one in-person appointment at Penn due to the pandemic. I hate figuring out parking and being lost in a hospital, then anxiously hanging in waiting rooms. I don’t mind meeting new nurses, techs, phlebotomists, and nurse practitioners who are always pretty incredible. But since the logistics of huge hospital systems gives me heart palpitations, I always ask the person who schedules me where I should park and how I’ll find my floor and the office I need — and the scheduler this time was also super helpful…until I got there and multiple roads were blocked with police and construction. I ended up parking a little ways away and taking a shuttle which wasn’t so bad - even if the driver was repeatedly screaming that she was gonna punch someone right in the face. I would have had anxiety leaving my car in a garage with my work computer and other such valuables, however because I haven’t cleaned out my car in forever — it definitely appears like I live in it — and certainly doesn’t look like it would be holding anything of value — so I think joke’s on you, robbers!

They took me back to get my CT scan pretty quickly but then I had to wait while they asked about doing a scan of my chest as well as the pelvis/abdomen, as my CT scheduled for the following month was for both and insurance likely doesn’t want me getting two CT scans within one week. Once they got that approval, I got the scan with and without IV contrast of my abdomen, pelvis, and chest. It’s cute how they always ask me if I have an underwire bra on or any such thing. I have to remind them — I’m a pro. (Who wore a metal-free slob suit to work also). I didn’t have to drink a Barium smoothie — so that’s a plus. As the CT tech was taking out my IV, he asked if I wanted him to leave it in because I was getting an infusion afterwards, which was news to me since I haven’t had an infusion in 10 years. So he took it out, and I went to “infusion” where it turns out they sent me for a blood draw and would have used the same IV had we left it in. Another needle in the opposite arm, and all is done. Then I waited for a nurse practitioner, Marie, to go over things with me. In the meantime, I got a notification that my bloodwork results we’re already in my portal (less than ten minutes after they drew it). Holy quickness. Things looked normal to me, and I was told someone would call me to review. Marie said that they would get results of the CT scans that day, but definitely not for a few hours — so I should go home and wait there. She did call me later that night and assured me that all was status quo. Nothing looked like it changed and my liver was probably not taking over my body like an alien life form.

Dr. Teitelbaum and I had our normal follow-up telehealth appointment the next week and she confirmed, things are still growing so very slowly, there is nothing to worry about it. It didn’t appear that my liver was causing the pain, and since the pain subsided in time, there wasn’t much else to do.

I had my injection in April, May, June, July - and then had new scans done. This time, still only minimal growth, but Dr. Teitelbaum said she doesn’t want to become complacent, and asked me to schedule an appointment with Dr. Soulen in interventional radiology to see if he things I should be moving to next steps. I was originally told this medicine works for 3-5 years in most patients, before the cancer outsmarts the meds. It makes me pretty nervous to be creeping up on the low end of that timeline. Especially since any cancer of mine is of course going to be smarter than the average cancer, right? So I can’t be shocked if they say that next steps should be considered soon. But I was kind of getting used to the idea of just pretending it’s not there and getting my backside injected once a month, forever. I thought the appointment with Dr. Soulen was this past week, but realized I missed a call where it was rescheduled for October 5th -- so I will update again after that one.

In addition to all of my routine cancer screenings/scans/treatments, I have also been subjected to other diagnostics recently. My OBGYN has been increasingly more demanding and the appointments are all so time consuming. I went in for an annual visit and the doctor recommended an endometrial ablation. Two weeks ago I had to get a mammogram (simply because I am nearly 40 and well, that’s the kind of fun stuff you do when you’re middle-aged). It took 8 days, but I received a little letter in my electronic file that started with this sentence...

WOOT WOOT! Again, not that we (or anyone) had any concern about my breasts -- but hearing that a part of me is cancer-free is always so uplifting. However, the radiology results lag makes me a little stressed, because I HATE waiting. Apparently there is a major radiologist shortage right now. And every other kind of shortage, but I can handle waiting a little for food or slightly longer lines places...

A few days later I got my ultrasound reports (abdominal and transvaginal) which also appeared normal (although they couldn’t find one of my ovaries, so I guess they can only say they are 50% sure they are normal). This Thursday, I have an endometrial biopsy and then HOPEFULLY NovaSure -- the endometrial ablation. Just one thing I’d like to get under control, ASAP. Fingers and Ovaries crossed that it comes back normal or whatever is needed so I can schedule this procedure. In the meantime, I am not opposed to rain-dances for menopause or an approved hysterectomy.

In December, I will have another Gallium scan -- you know the one so wild they only do it on certain days of the week at certain times and they tell you not to hold your kids after for a day or so because you’re still radioactive -- cool, cool. And that’s to make sure it’s still only in my liver and not traveling elsewhere, without a passport.

And to end this with a dose of kid-comedy... This weekend my kids asked me why I get the injections at home and I told them I like when the nurse comes and gives me a shot in our house...and they translated that to, “Mommy likes getting it in her butt in the dining room.” Hoping this isn’t the overshare they decide to present in school this week.

So that’s the update for now -- more to hopefully come soon. Love to you all for being patient in hearing “news” for me, but no news is typically, “Sam still has cancer but she’s alive and her normal, albeit crazy, self” (aka good news, I think?) Until next time...

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lumosinlove · 3 years

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Relic Keel

(warnings in tags)

PREVIOUSLY ON RELIC KEEL

Marlene got into college and hasn’t told Dorcas because she’s scared of how she will react.

Lily and James had sex and obviously like each other, but Lily is scared to have attachments on Hogwarts when they’re going to college soon.

Leo and Logan question each other about their pasts without much progress. Logan finds out that Leo hopes to own The Lion restaurant one day, and that his father’s death has something to do with “The Voldemort.”

Saint and Sirius talk about leaving the island and how they met when they were eleven years old. They have sex and avoid more difficult topics.

James and Lily meet at the Gryffindor Club as promised. Lily tells James that she doesn’t want anything tying her to the island, that she hates the fake boundaries that Hogwarts has and that James isn’t crossing them as much as he thinks he is. James understands, even though it hurts.

Saint and Sirius are cleaning the Potter’s pool when James arrives with Remus and Luke. Remus and Sirius have a tense moment in the kitchen, Luke and Saint argue, and Sirius finds out that it’s Remus who sails the Wolfsbane every morning—Remus thus finding out that Sirius notices.

Logan returns to the Carrows to hand over his money and stock up on Crucio. We find out that he works for them in the hopes that they will help him get Finn out of Saint Clair, only the Carrows are angry with him for using their Crucio—they say that Logan owes them now.

Logan heads over to Saint Clair to watch Finn from afar, and swears again that he will rescue him.

part iv

Remus closed his eyes, soaking in the morning sun and the salty air. The wind pushed his hair back as he tightened the rigging, catching the wind. Sometimes his sails felt like his bare hands. Like he finally had something to hold onto, even if it blistered his palms. The sea made him feel alone, in the best way. Usually, it felt like people were always around. He couldn’t go anywhere without running into at least two people from school, or his parents’ friends. Yes, he’s excited for college, no, he’s not sure exactly yet, yes, he’s still sailing, yes, he’s still obsessed, yes, he remembers learning at Gryffindor Club, sure, I’ll tell my mom you say hi.

Solidarity was less exhausting.

The wind buffered and he sighed as he slowed down. he looked back towards Shack Beach. Saint had said they saw him every morning—that Sirius saw him every morning. He wondered if Sirius was watching now.

He couldn’t see anything from this far away. Part of him wondered if he could make this island disappear completely, just for a moment. But it was dangerous to stray that far. Even The Cradle, the small U of islands just off of Hogwarts’ southern coast, was pushing it. Remus huffed out a laugh as he managed the ropes to come about, back towards shore. If that wasn’t a metaphor, he didn’t know what was.

Things on Hogwarts had become complicated in what felt like overnight, even though Remus knew that wasn’t true. They were older now. They didn’t just care about summer vacation. There was college to think about, and then jobs. Hogwarts wasn’t the dream it once was. Remus wanted to see mountains, and huge cities, or snow—and not just for a week on vacation. He wanted to belong somewhere because he wanted to be there, and not just because he had grown up there. He was tired of knowing everything there was to know.

He tied up his Wolfsbane on autopilot, stroking his hand over the side before tugging his shirt over his head and jumping straight into the water. It was cooler from the night, but it was what Remus needed. He held his breath as he found the sandy bottom, his eyes closed. For a moment, he didn’t have to be anywhere. He got to enjoy the ocean and its predictable changes.

When he came up for air, he remembered why he loved this island. That still didn’t mean he didn’t want to leave.

“Are you headed to the museum, sweetheart?” his mother said when Remus came down to the kitchen, freshly showered. He preferred to let the salt linger all day, but he figured he should be fresh for his first day of work.

“Yeah,” Remus held up his keys. “Just looking for some coffee first.”

His mom held up a mug for him, laughing. “Ask and you shall receive.”

Remus smiled. “Thanks, mom.”

“How was it this morning?”

Remus poured some milk into his cup. “It was good. Sun’s going to be strong today. Went near The Cradle—not too far, don’t worry.”

“You know me too well,” Hope laughed, whisking some eggs into a lather. “Well, it’s pizza night. We’re ordering in so, if you want to have some friends over and take it to the den, that’s fine with me. But don’t complain if Jules crashes the party.”

Remus nodded. “Actually, I think we’re going out. If that’s all right?”

Hope nodded. “All right, sure. Be safe, though. Who, uh…”

“James and Luke,” Remus sighed. “Mom—”

“I wasn’t going to say anything—”

“It’s not Luke’s fault,” Remus continued anyway. “His dad, I mean. He didn’t know.”

“I know that,” Hope sighed. “But…Even I can see that boy’s hurting and I barely see him at all.”

“Then shouldn’t he be with his friends?” Remus said.

Hope raised her eyebrows at him, and Remus raised his own right back.

“All right, all right,” Hope said. “You’re gonna be late, I’ll see you later, baby.”

Remus knew he should take the car his parents had given him. He knew he should get used to driving, knew his dad wondered why it just sat in the garage. But here, on the island, Remus liked his bicycle. He liked the warm breeze. It reminded him of being out on the water.

Which, in turn, now reminded him of Sirius Black.

When Remus remembered Sirius, he mostly remembered bruised cheeks and nasty looking cuts. He remembered the hushed way people used to whisper about him, and how, even when he was loud, grinning and well-liked, he was still from Salazar. Sometimes he had eaten lunch surrounded by people, and sometimes he had eaten it alone with his brother.

Remus didn’t understand this island. Was Sirius really so different because he was born a few miles South rather than North? It made no sense—only it did, but only because it was all Remus had ever known.

The Hogwarts History Museum was a pride of the island. Remus knew it well from school trips, and from his own interest. He’d spent many Saturdays there as a kid, gazing at all of the small models of ships and dreaming about what it would be like to sail them, wishing they weren’t trapped behind glass—feeling a little like he was trapped behind glass. A ship in a bottle.

“Hi there, Remus,” Layla smiled at him, green eyes kind and skin a rich, dark brown against the pale pink scarf in her hair.

“Hi, Layla,” Remus smiled. “Having a good summer so far?”

“Sure,” Layla shrugged. “Lots of time here. I saw you win the sailing race last Sunday, congrats.”

Remus smiled. “Thanks. It was real fun. Sorry I beat your brother, though.”

“Oh, Lyle doesn’t mind,” Layla waved a hand. Her nails were painted pink, too. “Don’t worry about it.”

Remus had been friends with Layla since they were little, competing for best in class usually. She was wicked smart and mellow. Remus could always use some mellow, good conversation—especially with James being James and Luke being…well, whatever Luke was now. Layla liked history, and her family owned the museum, which meant Layla told tales that were, albeit tall, fun to listen to.

Remus leaned against the desk, looking around. “This place never changes, huh?”

Layla laughed, clicking a pen. “History doesn’t tend to change that much, R, and so neither do we. Unlike the world out there.”

“I don’t know about that. Nothing ever feels too different out there,” Remus laughed, too. “But I guess you’re right. I’m glad you’re here, though. Or else I’d be sitting behind this desk by myself.”

“I’m glad you’re here, too,” Layla nodded. “What made you take the job?”

Remus snorted as he rounded the corner, picking up his name badge where Beatrice, Layla’s mother and the museum curator, said it would be. “Don’t pretend we didn’t see each other here when we were little all the time. Not to mention at Gryffindor Club. You, obviously.”

Layla raised an eyebrow. “Me and your mom.”

Remus winced and Layla laughed.

“C’mon, we both know you’d be out on your boat all day if it was up to you.”

Remus laughed. “Fine. But seriously. You’re a perk.”

Layla nodded, rolling her eyes with a smile. “Just a couple of history buffs, I guess.”

Remus shrugged. “There are worse things to be.”

The day was pretty slow. A few tourists here and there, taking photo behind the cardboard cutouts that made you look like you were dressed as a sailor, or a pirate.

“Are there really pirates here?” one little girl had asked Layla.

Remus had smiled when Layla crouched down and whispered to her, “careful, there’s one there,” and pointed at Remus.

When lunch rolled around, Remus expected Layla to pull out a bagged sandwich like him, but instead she scoffed and picked up her bag.

“Come on. We have to get out for a bit.”

Remus shrugged. “All right, where to?”

“The Lion, of course,” Layla replied. “It’s the best food on the island.”

“The Lion,” Remus repeated slowly. “You mean—in The Hollow?”

Layla gave him a look. “Oh, you’re not one of those are you?”

“One of what?” Remus said. “No. I’m not, I just… c’mon, you hear things.”

“Hear things? You’ve never been?”

“Once,” Remus swallowed, thinking of the fight. “It didn’t really go well.”

Layla just shook her head.

“History is just one great field of stories, Remus. You’ll never get to the truth unless you listen to them all.”

And so Remus found himself riding alongside Layla on their bikes and right through Gryffindor. The Hollow didn’t have a sign or anything, but you knew when you were in it. Remus almost wished he had been able to see some sort of line to cross, but everything was just suddenly different. Low houses with open doors, people gathered together and laughing. Kids running with surfboards over their heads, towards Shack Beach. It had seemed even more vibrant in the dark the night of the party, even through the tinted windows of Luke’s car. String lights hung over cookouts, and music blasting from speakers. It had smelled amazing, and Remus would have to say Layla was probably right about the food.

The Lion was just as bright as everything else. It was bustling with lunch-goers, and the doors were flung wide, letting the heat right in. Remus looked around at the people. Some tourists, obviously. Some not. Hollows. Some of them smiled when they caught Remus’ eye, and some narrowed their eyes.

“Hi, Leo, babe,” Layla said as she slid onto a stool at the counter.

There was a blond boy behind it wearing a tank top and a snapback. He smiled as he set some shrimp down in a frier. “Hey, Layla, babe, ça va?”

“Just working. At least I’ve got Remus for company now.”

Remus smiled awkwardly when Leo fixed his blue eyes on him. He really didn’t know what he was waiting for. Something terrible to happen?

Leo only held out a hand. “Leo, nice to meet you.”

“Remus,” Remus said, and took it. He tried not to look at the rainbow bracelet on Leo’s wrist for too long, but he could tell Leo had felt the way his hand tightened. “Yeah—you, too.”

Leo touched it briefly, like an old habit, as he pulled away, giving another smile to Remus.

It didn’t necessarily mean Leo wasn’t straight, but on such a small island, Remus tended to notice these things. He and Luke had figured each other out pretty fast around sixteen. They’d kissed. Once. And then winced, laughed, and shoved each other in the pool. Sometimes Remus wished he and Luke had worked. He didn’t see any other boys coming his way. Leo was smiling at him like he knew what Remus was thinking.

“What can I get you two?” Leo asked.

A boyfriend? Remus thought wistfully.

“Two of your specials, please,” Layla said. “Re, you’re going to lose your mind it’s so good.”

“What’s your special?” Remus asked.

Leo shrugged, but he was grinning. “Like a chef ever gives up his secrets—”

Leo had stopped mid-sentence, eyes going over their shoulders towards the door. Remus turned to look, and a moment later, a brown haired boy was slinging a backpack down carefully between his feet and taking the seat beside Remus.

“Well, look who’s back,” Leo said to him.

The boy glanced at Remus and Layla, then gave a small shrug. “Yeah.”

Leo snorted. “Yeah,” he parroted. “You’re just hungry.”

The boy shrugged again.

Leo sighed, and gave Remus a look that said, can you believe this? before turning back to the stove. “This is Logan guys. Apparently he doesn’t talk today. Three specials. Coming up.”

Logan didn’t recognize the boy sitting at the counter. He didn’t recognize the girl either. Then again, he didn’t recognize many people. He didn’t know anyone. Except Dorcas—if that even counted. And Leo. If that counted, either.

The Felix was heavy in his pack, wedged protectively between his feet, and he wished the strangers would leave so that Leo would talk to him. He hadn’t said two words that weren’t him making sure that Logan liked his food, and asking him where he’d been.

Logan was a little annoyed with him for asking that question. It wasn’t like Leo didn’t know what Logan did. Then again, Leo didn’t know why Logan did what he did.

“You guys get the new madness exhibit up yet, Layla?” Leo was asking the girl with the scarf in her hair. “The one you were telling me about.”

The sandy-haired boy looked up from his food. “The madness exhibit?”

The girl—Layla—cocked her head. “Remus, you…you don’t know?”

“Know what?” the boy—Remus—replied.

Layla sat up a little, looking suddenly awkward. “Your mom donated almost everything we have. I mean…it is your family that’s famous for…”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Losing their fucking minds?”

Layla winced. “Well, yeah, okay, poor choice of words on my part. But madness isn’t always a bad thing, you know. People say people are crazy all the time. Sometimes they’re just extraordinary.”

Remus looked back down at his food. “My family’s not extraordinary, believe me.”

“Usually extraordinary-ness belongs to one person, I’d say,” Leo said. “My mom’s pretty extraordinary. Doesn’t mean I am.”

“You want to stay on this island, don’t you?” Logan found himself saying. Then, he felt his neck heat and he turned down to his food.

“What’s so extraordinary about that?” Layla replied at the same time as Remus said, “You do?”

Leo just laughed, rolling his eyes at Logan. “I’m with Layla on this one, guys, sorry.”

“What about you, Logan?” Layla asked. “I want the museum after I go to college. At least I think I do. Leo wants The Lion, Remus wants to sail the world…” Remus blushed at that, and Layla’s eyes were very green. “What do you want to do?”

Logan found it strange that they were treating him like that. So normally. Logan knew his necklace was on display. It was easier than explaining why people hadn’t seen him around and pretending to be a tourist. That lead to questions. Being abandoned didn’t. And he was. He was abandoned. People didn’t ask. Most probably thought he had just aged out. People didn’t ask. It was better that way. Logan didn’t have any answers. All he had was the memory of that last night with Finn. Finn had returned to their room, eyes wild and voice urgent.

Come on, Lo, wake up. Wake up, Logan, we have to go. Now.

Logan had felt helplessly awake in the first weeks of being out. He was still sorting through what that meant.

Logan swallowed. “I don’t know. I’m—looking for someone first.”

Remus sighed and mumbled. “Aren’t we all.”

“You are?” Leo asked softly.

Logan nodded. “Or, not looking. I’m just…I’m waiting for someone.”

He knew where Finn was, but Logan knew that he could wait forever and he wouldn’t come. Logan had to take what he wanted. It was a lesson he was learning fast.

“Oh,” Remus replied. “Um…cool. I hope you find them.”

Logan just nodded.

“Well, we should head out,” Layla said, rising. “Gotta get back to work.”

“Sure thing, just pay up front,” Leo smiled. “See you later, Layla.” He nodded at Remus. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” Remus smiled back. “The food was great.”

Logan watched Leo watch them leave, then snort. “That guy looked more spooked than a horse with a snake.”

“Isn’t that what Gods are supposed to look like?” Logan replied.

Leo shrugged. “Usually you can’t see their eyes behind their aviators.”

Logan laughed a little. “Right.” he looked back down at his food, realizing he had begun picking his fries apart, rather than eating them.

“I’m looking for someone too, you know,” Leo broke the silence.

Logan did. Only, he hadn’t thought about it like that. Leo’s dad and Finn. Leo’s dad was probably dead. Finn wasn’t.

“I hope you find him,” Logan replied. “Your dad.”

The Lion was in full swing now, the lunchtime rush loud and boisterous. Leo had a tank top on, and Logan thought he looked a little tired. Sleeplessness showed easily on his skin.

“Do you have to run?” Leo asked instead of responding. “And hide? Like, from the police?”

Logan sat up, instinctively looking behind him. “I assumed I would have to. But…it hasn’t been that difficult.” He laughed a humorless laugh. “I guess I keep overestimating how much people actually care about me. Maybe I should have learned something by now.”

“Maybe you’re just looking at the wrong people,” Leo said quickly, and looked up with a smile, a small one, then down again. “I know a few others who got out. They don’t seem to have trouble, so, you know, if you needed a job or something, you could work in my mom’s workshop. With me. Or here. I’m sure Celeste and Pascal would be all right with it.”

Logan felt taken off guard. “Oh. I…” he thought of the powder packets in his bag. Of the Carrows. How much do you think you owe us by now?

Others? he wanted to ask. What others?

“Just think about it,” Leo said, and turned towards one of the stove tops to check on some boiling water.

“Yeah. Okay.”

They sat in silence for a long moment.

“It’s a boat,” Leo began suddenly, answering Logan’s yet unasked question. The Voldemort. What his father had been looking for. It was almost like Leo was thanking him for telling the truth about his situation. An eye for an eye. A truth for a truth. Logan sort of liked that consistency. “Was a boat. In the eighteenth century.”

“Oh,” Logan said.

“Biggest story on Hogwarts,” Leo said. “Ten thousand pieces of gold, all fallen to the depths of the ocean just off of Hogwarts’ shores…and never seen again.”

“But if it’s just off the shore…”

Leo smiled a little, shaking his head. “But you have to know where off the shore. Otherwise, you have a whole circumference of miles and miles of open water to work with.”

“And your dad figured it out?”

Leo shrugged, expression closing off a little. “He thought he did.” He cleared his throat as he put an order on the counter for a waiter to take away, and ripped another piece of paper down from the line up to look at. “The Cradle. You know it?”

Logan shook his head.

“It’s a sort of…horse shoe shaped cluster of islands, just off of our southern tip.”

“Salazar,” Logan said quietly.

Leo nodded. “Salazar.”

“Your dad was a treasure hunter,” Logan said slowly. “He was looking for a treasure.”

“Yeah,” Leo said, flipping a crab cake in sizzling oil. “He was.”

“And did he find it? Do you want to find it?”

“I don’t know,” Leo whispered, busy hands stilling. “He never came home.”

Logan nodded.

“He wanted to find it,” Leo said softly. “Really badly. And I… I feel like I should.”

“And was he close?”

Leo glanced up from his knife. “Yes.”

“Leonardo,” a voice came suddenly, entering the restaurant. “What does your mother feed you, you gorgeous specimen?”

Logan froze. He knew that voice.

Leo rolled his eyes, and looked at the newcomers. “Fuck off, Saint. Hey, Sirius.”

“Hi,” a second voice came, and it was closer, almost beside Logan at the bar.

Leo’s eyes caught on Logan’s again, probably meaning to introduce him, but he stopped instead.

“What’s wrong?” Leo asked.

But Logan just shook his head, and then the newcomers—Saint and Sirius—were leaning against the bar. Logan felt the breath beside him catch just as his own had, and he turned to look.

Logan thought the boy standing beside him looked different. Older. More muscular. Squarer jaw. But the same. Same eyes. Same shock of blond hair. Same warm, brown skin.

“Logan?” Saint breathed, his eyes disbelieving.

Logan went to open his mouth, when Saint’s arms were around him suddenly.

“It’s Saint,” he said softly, just for Logan’s ears. He squeezed him tighter. “God, you’re here.”

“Saint?” Logan whispered into his shoulder. No one had touched him like this in what felt like forever.

“Yeah,” Saint said. He pulled back and raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

Logan shrugged. “I…yeah, okay.”

“Knutty,” Saint’s serious expression morphed into a grin. He leaned against the counter, keeping his palm on Logan. “Handsome as ever.”

Logan blinked at Saint, then at Leo. “Knutty?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to a word he says.”

“Oh, Logan already knows not to do that,” Saint laughed. He tapped his cross necklace. “We’re practically brothers.”

“Oh,” Leo blinked. “Right.”

The other boy—Sirius—looked just as taken aback.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Saint called in a sing-song voice, looking at Sirius. “Order for us, won’t you? And get us a table? Logan,” Saint nodded towards the door. “Come hither.”

Logan was so thankful to see Saint, he nearly tripped while getting up. A familiar face. A familiar anything. Saint had gotten out almost seven years ago. He’d been there one day, in his bed, in classes, in the courtyard, and gone the next.

“Sweetheart?” Logan asked, glancing back inside at the dark-haired boy, Sirius.

Saint just put his hands on Logan’s arms, eyes more intent than Logan had ever seen them, then on Logan’s cheeks. “Holy shit, how did you get out?”

Logan felt his heart slow, then speed up. He swallowed dryly. “Finn. How did you?”

Saint ignored the question.

“Finn,” Saint repeated, nodding. “Of course. When?”

“About a month ago. And he—he’s still in there,” Logan said. “He’s…And I’m—”

“I hear you,” Saint said. He jerked his head over to the table. “Not now. Let’s get back.”

“Saint?” Logan asked again.

Saint rolled his eyes. “Leave it alone. For now.”

Saint hadn’t been ready. He hadn’t seen Logan in nine years, but he’d know his face anywhere. All eyelashes and sad, green eyes. A smile he wore with Finn only. He looked spooked now, and tired. They’d sat at the bar, watching one of Leo’s shifts go and another one come, then moved to a table. Watching it get dark outside now, Saint wondered where Logan had been living for a month.

He eyed the backpack that Logan held so protectively close, and thought of the way Dorcas did the same thing.

Saint had a bad feeling.

“So, how’d you two meet?” Sirius said, gesturing between Logan and Leo with a fry when Leo brought over more water.

“Party,” Leo shrugged after a moment of hesitation. “Shack Beach.” He jerked his head at Saint. “You two were there, judging by Sirius’ shiner. Could hear that fight at my house, probably.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I didn’t start it.”

“True,” Saint said, wondering how he had missed Logan that night. “Some God—albeit a beautiful one—thought we were selling Crucio.”

Saint flicked his eyes over to Logan. Sure enough, he blushed.

Saint cocked his head. “The horror. Dangerous stuff.”

Leo looked at Saint quietly, and glanced at Logan, then back to him. Saint nodded. Got it, it said.

“Well, would you look who it is,” said a deep voice from behind them, and then there were two strong arms around Saint and Sirius. Pascal placed a loud kiss on each of their heads.

“Eck,” Sirius laughed. “You smell like grease, old man.”

Pascal Dumais laughed. “Grease that feeds you, maybe. And who’s this?”

“Dumo, meet Logan,” Saint said. “Logan, meet Pascal. He owns the Lion with his wife, Celeste.”

“The most beautiful woman in the world,” Pascal said, accent heavy. “Logan, it’s nice to meet you.”

Saint watched Pascal eye Logan’s necklace.

“We were together at Saint Clair,” he supplied.

“Maybe not so loud,” Logan said harshly. “Saint.”

“Oh?” Pascal said, and squinted at Logan. “Who are you with now, mon cher?”

Saint watched Logan open his mouth, frozen, and was about to speak up when—

“Me,” Leo cut in. He looked down at the carrots he was chopping as he said it. “Me and my mom.”

Oh, Saint thought.

“Oh, Leonardo,” Saint sighed. “Un ange.”

“Not my name,” Leo said.

“I know.”

“Yeah,” Logan replied to Pascal’s still questioning gaze. “Yeah.”

“I see,” Pascal nodded. “Well, I’m happy you and your mother will have a helping hand now. I miss your father dearly, mon fils.” He smiled sadly at Leo.

Leo just nodded. “Yeah.”

“Him and his treasure, eh?” Pascal said. “A wonderful man. I miss going out on that boat of his.”

Leo’s smile was small, but fond. “Those were some of his favorite mornings.”

“Treasure?” Sirius asked.

“Black!” a new voice shouted. “Thank fuck.”

Saint looked up when Sirius did. James and Remus were barreling towards them from the dark outside.

“Good lord,” Saint said. “Rain, from Olympus. Water my crops, why don’t you.”

“James?” Sirius said. “What are you—”

James and Remus walked right up to their table—Remus looking slightly more reluctant. “We have a question.”

“How did you know we were here?” Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I mean, just…it’s a little out of your way, non?”

“Remus came here earlier, and when I told him—well, you’ll see—he said maybe you’d be here.”

Saint watched Sirius’ eyes narrow at Remus, confused. “Okay…”

“Well, it’s good to see you again, tweedle-hot,” Saint said to Remus. “Up close this time. We actually though you were going to sail right out of sight this morning.”

Sirius stepped on his toe beneath the table.

“Excuse me?” Remus choked out. “What the fuck did you—”

James blinked at Saint, then shook his head, as if to right his thoughts. “All right, setting every strange thing that comes out of your mouth aside for a moment —where is Dorcas?”

“Meadowes?” Logan chimed in.

James’ eyes turned on him. “You know her?”

Saint raised his hand. “I have the same question.”

“Well,” Logan hesitated. “Sure.”

“And she sells Felix,” James said, as if trying to confirm the information.

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Says you.”

James sighed. “I’m not here to turn her in, Jesus, I just have a question.”

“Do…” Sirius was looking at Logan. “Do you sell…”

“What kind of question?” Saint cut in.

Remus spoke up. “A does-she-deal-to-Luke type of question.”

Saint laughed. “Deveaux?”

“You know who Luke is, Saint,” Remus sighed.

“Well, yeah I do, Lupin, he tried to buy off me,” Saint shook his head with a tisking sound. “Turns out he’s a prejudice piece of eye candy. Who knew.”

“Come on,” James sighed, rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses. “Please, Sirius, come on.”

Sirius shrugged. “We don’t know who Dorcas deals to. We’re not involved.”

“If you did would you tell us?”

Sirius smiled, just a little. “Probably not. But I really don’t know.”

James sighed, sagging away from the table. He looked at Remus. “Fuck.”

“What were you hoping to accomplish here?” Sirius asked slowly.

“We—” Remus said, then sighed, too. “We were going to see if she would agree to stop. If it was her, if she would stop giving it to him.”

“We’d pay her,” James added. “Obviously.”

Saint scoffed, and Logan laughed a little, too, from beside him.

“Obviously,” Saint mimicked.

“We just meant—” Remus began.

“We know what you meant,” Sirius said.

Saint popped a fry into his mouth. “If we’ll clean your pools for a few bucks, we’ll grant you three wishes, too.”

“Jesus, Saint,” James groaned.

“Mary. Joseph—”

James ran his hands through his hair. “We’re sorry, we misspoke. We’re just trying to help our friend. His dad got taken to jail, his mom pops pills all day and night. That’s already draining what little money the bank didn’t seize and if he wants to do anything with his life he needs a straight head. Just—fuck, we’re just asking.”

Saint prided himself on gathering information, but most of that were things he didn’t know. Luke’s dad had got taken away. But the pills? The financial distress? All of that paired with that guarded snarl the boy always seemed to wear…it almost made Saint feel sorry for Luke Deveaux. He almost said so.

Instead, he said, while twirling the cross around his neck. “Wow, he must feel like an orphan or something.”

“All right,” Remus sighed. “James, let’s just go.”

“What does he look like?” Logan said suddenly before they could turn to leave.

James looked a him warily. “Um. Sort of blond-ish. More brown-haired, I guess. Big guy, built and tall and all that. Oh, he’s got this green spot in one eye.”

Logan nodded. James raised an eyebrow. Saint waited.

“How much will you pay me to stop selling to him?” Logan finally said. He rose as he did, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “That’s a lot out of my pocket.”

“Logan,” Saint said, but Logan didn’t look at him.

James blinked. “I—oh. Oh, uh—God, what do you want? Two hundred?”

"One grand,” Logan said.

James laughed. “Dude. Who the fuck are you? No, I don’t have that much just—on me.”

“Logan,” Saint warned again, and this time Logan did look at him. Saint shook his head softly.

“Fine,” Logan said through his teeth, and held out his hand. “Two.”

James took his wallet out and handed over the cash.

“Thanks,” Remus said from a little behind James’ shoulder. “Really.”

Logan just nodded, shoved the bills into his pocket, and headed for the door.

“Pardon,” Saint sent a grin to them all, and followed him.

Once they were outside, Saint gave him a wack on the back of the head.

“Fuck,” Logan swore. “S—”

“You get out of that shit-hole and you go around selling Crucio? To Gods?”

“I—”

“I mean, seriously, what the fuck was that? Do you know how not careful that was?”

“I don’t even know who that boy is,” Logan bit back.

Saint blinked. “What?”

Logan looked out towards the ocean where they could hear the waves crashing against the shore. “He offered to pay, and so I told him what he wanted to hear. When his friend shows up hallucinating next, that’s their problem.”

Saint scoffed. “Fine, okay, clever boy. But you do sell Crucio.”

“Felix,” Logan countered. “And yes.”

“Crucio. And no.”

Logan shrugged. “I need the money.”

“For what?”

Logan looked at him and, this time, his eyes were hard. Desperate. “For Finn.”

Saint froze. He opened his mouth, and then closed it. “Excuse me?”

“If I can get enough cash, I can get Finn,” Logan said.

Saint stared at him, and then Saint laughed. Then, he laughed louder.

“You’re shitting me,” Saint said. “You think that?”

“What do you…”

“You think you can buy Finn out?” Saint repeated incredulously. “You think you can walk back in there and buy Finn out.”

Logan took a breath. “He—”

“Logan, Jesus Christ,” Saint snapped. “You walk anywhere near that place and you are never getting back out.” Saint pressed a hand to Logan’s shoulder and shook him. “Do you hear me?”

“I need to do something,” Logan shouted back. “I need to do something, I can’t just leave him in there, he’s everything to me.”

Saint shook his head. “He got you out. Don’t waste that.”

Logan nodded, eyes bright with tears now. “And you know he got punished for it. You know he did—”

“Stop,” Saint spat, glancing around, as if anyone could hear. “Don’t.”

“You could help me,” Logan said, wiping his nose. “Bash, you got out once—”

“No,” Saint said, and turned away. “No. And don’t call me that. Don’t you ever call me that.”

“Please,” Logan begged. “Please—Saint.”

Saint whirled on him again. “I am never going near there, and neither are you. Finn’s still in there, fine. But he’ll need to get himself free like us if he wants it bad enough.”

“I owe money,” Logan began, then his breathing hitched. “I owe them, I took some of it to see—to see Finn and…Bash—Saint—”

“Them?” Saint took a step forward. “Them?”

Logan pressed a hand over his eyes, but Saint walked forward and pulled it away.

“Logan,” he said lowly. “Tell me you didn’t.”

Logan closed his eyes, mouth twisting against his tears.

“Tell me, right now, that you didn’t let the Carrows tell you they’d help you. And that you didn’t believe them.”

Logan shook his head, not in negation, but in defeat. “I need him. I need him, I’m so…I’m alone.”

Saint pulled Logan against his chest and let him cry. The sobs heaved out of him for a long while, until the collar of Saint’s shirt was wet. Until Logan was breathing softly again, exhausted, and until his voice sounded shot when he spoke.

“You’re really staying with Leo?” Saint asked, more gently this time.

Logan nodded.

“I have a place, too. Here, in The Hollow. If you want.”

“With the others?” Logan rasped.

“What others?”

“How many others are out?” Logan said softly.

Saint shook his head, fingers in Logan’s hair. “Just me, that I know of.”

“You still wear it,” Logan said, pulling back to look at him. “The cross.”

Saint let his hands drop with a last touch to Logan’s hot cheek. “So do you.”

They were both silent.

“I’m sorry about Finn,” Saint said rigidly. “I know how much he meant to you.”

Logan’s brows pulled together. “He’s not dead.”

Saint nodded. “Right.”

“Saint…” Logan began, and Saint heard the almost B instead. “Would you—just thinking about it—“

“No,” Saint said, and then turned and went back inside.

Sirius, back at the table, looked at his face, and then at his wet shirt.

“Okay?” he asked softly when Saint sat down.

“Just dandy,” Saint replied, and looked towards the door. Logan was gone.

#warnings: brief mention of drugs and past abuse and death of a father #relic keel #lumosinlove #relic keel lumosinlove #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #saint #lumosinlove ocs #Logan tremblay #Leo knut #lelo #Logan Tremblay x Leo knut #o'knutzy

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ssfghfrrggf · 3 years

Text

One More Time

Plot: a sort of alternate way the season finale could have gone? But it’s mostly just it’s own thing.

warnings: canon typical violence, kidnapping mention, A N G S T

@adamruz i’m doing my civic duty and tagging you in yet another one of my painful burzek fics (:

“Ruz! Don’t do anything stupid!” Kevin hisses, keeping his body pressed against the pillar shielding him from the fire being laid down against them, Jay is huddled next to him, and Adam’s pinned down behind another pillar a good 10 feet away; Kevin can see the wheels spinning in his friends head, like he’s calculating something, coming up with some stupid and recless plan. He knows the look, he knows Adam is about to do something monumentally stupid, but his best friend is to far away for him to stop him. He tries getting Adam’s attention again. “Ruz!”

Adam doesn’t respond, he’s still running through what ever stupid plan he has.

“Ruzek!” Kevin tries again, and the only response he gets from his partner is a head shake. They’ve been at odds almost since the moment they found out Kim was missing. They even almost came to blows; this whole case has been hell, Kim being missing has been hell, for Adam especially. He’s still mad at him but the last thing he needs right now is for Adam to do something stupid and get himself killed. “Whatever you’re thinking, don't do it!”

“Wait for backup!” Jay adds, meeting Kevin’s gaze for a second. He’s scared for what Adam’s about to attempt too.

Adam tightens his grip on his gun.

“Don’t do it Ruz!” Jay shouts as more bullets spray against the pillar they’re sheltered behind.

“We have to save Kim.” Is Adam’s only response and then he stands up and ducks out from the safety of the pillar standing as a shield between him and the gun fire.

“Adam!” Kevin screams and tries to leap forward, but Jay catches him by the vest and holds him back as Adam goes down. He manages to get off one shot that takes out the guy who shot Adam before Jay yanks him back. “No! Ruz! No!”

Jay pokes around the pillar just long enough to lay down some return fire. Kevin tries to pull against his grip. He has to get to Adam, he has to save his partner, but Jay yanks him back once again.

“Kevin! Stop!” Jay shouts, his eyes are wide and scared, reflecting what Kevin is feeling. “We don’t need both of you shot! We need a plan!”

“We have to get him,” Kevin chokes looking over his shoulder at his partner. He’s ten feet away. Ten feet, laying in a growing puddle of blood. He feels sick and his mind is running at a million miles an hour. They have to help Adam.

“We will! But there’s no point in all three of us dying,” Jay says, shaking Kevin. “So we need a damn plan!”

Kevin swallows and nods his head.

“I’ll draw them out, you pick them off, got it?” Jay says evenly, glancing around the edge of the pillar for a split second and is instantly met with bullets whizzing past his head.

“How the hell are you going to do that?” Kevin demands.

“I’m going to let them see just enough of me that it entices them to shoot at me,” Jay replies, glancing around the corner again. “You get low, and they’ll be so busy paying attention to me so they won’t notice you.”

“Jay-”

“It’s the only move we’ve got, Kevin,” Jay replies sharply.

Kevin glances over at Adam, who’s not moving and then back at Jay. He doesn’t like the plan, but it’s the only one they have and it’s their best shot at saving Adam, he can even still be saved.

“We got Kim, we’re falling back to the safe zone,” Jay hesitates as Hailey’s voice comes over the radio.

“We got this,” Kevin reassures him.

Jay nods. “You ready?”

“Yes.” Kevin lowers himself to the floor and lays on his belly and very slowly and cautiously leans around the edge of the pillar as Jay steps out of the safety of their shield for a half a second. One of the guys across the parking garage shows themself to shoot at Jay, but Kevin pulls the trigger and takes him down before he can shoot Jay. The other guy opens fire just as Jay ducks back to safety.

“One more,” Jay says, gripping his gun, getting ready to step out of safety again.

“I’m ready when you are,” Kevin says, placing his finger on the trigger.

Jay nods and steps out of their cover once again. The other shooter reveals himself for a second, but a second is all Kevin needs. He shoots the guy before he can get one shot off at Jay. Kevin doesn’t waste a second dropping his gun and clamoring to his feet. He half runs half stumbles across the floor and collapses on the floor next to Adam.

“Ruz!” Kevin chokes, lifting Adam’s head off the bloody ground with one hand and tearing open his vest with the other. There’s so much blood he can’t tell where it’s all coming from. “Ruz, Ruz you gotta wake up man, you gotta stay with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam mumbles around a mouthful of blood, but doesn’t open his eyes.

“What the hell were you thinking,” Kevin demands, adjusting his grip on his partner. “What the hell were you thinking!”

“I’m sorry,” Adam repeats, and he means it, from the very bottom of his heart, Kevin can tell he means it. And he knows he’s not just apologizing for what he just did. He’s apologizing for everything. “I couldn’t let anything happen to Kim or…”

“Don’t do that man,” Kevin begs, holding Adam upright and cradling him in his arms. He can feel Jay walk soberly up behind him, and he can hear him radio to dispatch that they have an officer down. “Don’t. Just hang in there okay? You’re going to be okay.”

“Or you…” Adam finishes before his head slumps forward against his bloody chest.

“No! Damn it Ruz, stay with me,” Kevin cries, rocking his partner, trying to shake him back awake, bring him back. The last real conversation they had had was them yelling at each other to go to hell and trying to punch each other in the face.

Jay doesn’t say anything, he stands silently next to Kevin and hangs his head.

***

Hailey hears Jay’s officer down call come in over the radio as she climbs up into the ambulance with Kim. She hesitates on the step leading into the back. She has a deep gut feeling that it’s Adam. He’s smart, he’s tough, he knows what he’s doing, but he gets stupid when it comes to things involving Kim.

“Where’s Adam?” Kim mumbles, drawing Hailey’s attention back to her and the ambulance and the current situation. Hailey switches off the radio and ducks inside the ambulance. If she’s right Kim doesn’t need to find out from radio chatter.

“He’s going to meet us at the hospital,” Hailey says, taking Kim’s hand. Brett is on her other side starting an IV. It’s not exactly a lie, it could be true, but saying it still hurts. Hailey’s chest aches

“I need to tell him something,” Kim adds and lifts her head off the stretcher. “Where is he?”

“He’s helping clean this mess up,” Hailey says, trying to sound comforting and reassuring, but she’s so unsure herself.

“But he’s always here,” Kim groans and lets her head fall back against the back onto the stretcher.

“Burgess, I need you to hold still,” Brett says gently, holding Kim’s arm against her body to steady it while she starts get the IV ready to go into her arm.

“I need Adam,” Kim insists, ignoring the paramedic. “Hailey-”

“He’ll meet us at the hospital, Kim,” Hailey promises, and tries to make herself believe it. She wishes she could unhear her partner’s call over the radio. He sounded sick and heart broken when he said it, and lost, lost like he didn’t know what to do or what to say.

Kim shakes her head miserably and tears start building in her eyes.

“Hey, shhh,” Hailey soothes and squeezes her hand. “He’ll be there Kim. You know that, he loves you.”

This seems to only make things worse because Kim starts crying harder.

***

She feels completely alone. At the very core of her being there's an empty pit opening up and swallowing her hole. She knows Hailey and Brett are with her, but it feels like there’s no one, Adam’s not there with her so she might as well be alone. She needs him. She needs him to wrap her in his strong arms and hold her against his chest so she can hear his heartbeat and she needs him to promise everything will be okay. But he’s not there with her, he’s always there. No matter what he’s always there, he’s the anchor that holds her in place and keeps her grounded even when everything seems to be falling apart around her. And right now everything is falling apart, the world is crumbling around her and he’s not there. She’s alone and being sucked into an empty pit of blackness.

She closes her eyes trying to stop the tears from coming, but it doesn’t help. She can feel Hailey squeeze her hand, but that somehow only makes things worse because it’s not Adam holding her hand. She wants to believe Hailey that Adam will meet them at the hospital, but she’s scared. Somethings wrong, she can tell. Hailey’s scared too, she recognizes the forced calm in her voice.

“Hailey, what happened,” she tries again to get the detective to tell her something.

“You’re safe, you’re on your way to med. Everything is going to be okay.”

Kim knows it’s a lie. How can everything be okay if Adam isn’t here?

***

At the hospital they take Kim straight back to an exam room, and Hailey has barely watched the stretcher disappear into a room before the hospital doors are opening and there’s another stretcher being rolled in with Adam laying on top of it dripping blood onto the floor. Jay and Kevin are walking right along with him. Kevin has blood smeared on his hands and face, and there are tears streaking down his face. And Jay just looks lost.

“37 year old male, multiple gunshot wounds, shocked once in transport,” the paramedic is announcing as the stretcher gets passed off to the Dr. Choi and Dr. Marcel.

Hailey swallows hard and looks away.

“Hey,” Jay breathes and pulls her aside , so he’s blocking her view of Adam with his body.

“What happened?” Hailey asks, stepping back from him just a little. This whole case has thrown everything onto the rocks. Things are prickly between everyone. She loves Jay but she’s not ready to cling to him and cry into his arms. She’s not ready to let him hold her.

Jay looks a little hurt by her pull away from him, but the majority of the worry and pain in his eyes is not for her or because of her.

“He got stupid,” Jay says, and it comes out curt and a little harsh. “We got pinned down and he decided it was a good idea to try to rush the shooters. He didn’t have a damn plan.”

He sounds angry, but she knows it’s only because he cares.

Hailey nods slightly, but doesn’t say anything to her partner. Instead she leaves him to go check on Kevin who is standing in a dazed trance looking at something on the floor. As she gets closer to him, she realizes it’s blood.

“I told him to go to hell,” Kevin says quietly as she approaches him and rests her hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” she says, trying to sound comforting. “He knows you didn’t mean it.”

“I told my best friend to go to hell,” Kevin repeats without looking up. “What was I thinking? He thinks I hate him… that’s the last thing he’s gonna think.”

“Kevin! Look at me!” Hailey says firmly, making him look up at her. “He knows you don’t hate him, okay? He knows that!”

It’s not entirely true. She’d been with Adam after his fight with Kevin, he’d been so angry and upset. He’d blamed himself for everything, for Kim getting kidnapped, for his fight with Kevin. He’d been convinced he messed everything up, betrayed his best friend and failed the love of his life. He’d said he ruined everything to try to save Kim and in the end he wasn’t even able to do that.

***

Kim knew Hailey was lying to her in the ambulance ride over, but at least during the ride over she could hope, but now she’s sitting in a hospital room, alone with no sign of Adam. She keeps expecting him to walk through the door, but he never does and at this point she’s convinced he won’t.

“Hey Burgess.” Trudy is the one to walk in as the door swings open. She looks tired, relieved to be seeing Kim, but tired.

“Where’s Adam?” Kim asks as the desk sergeant sits down next to her bed.

Trudy sighs and purses her lips.

“Trudy, please,” Kim presses.

Trudy hesitates before finding her words. “Kim..” she says it with so much pity and sorrow that it feels like a kick to the stomach.

“No,” Kim chokes, shaking her head. She knows what’s about to be said, and it can’t be true, she refuses to believe it.

“Kim, he got shot,” Trudy continues softly.

“No,” Kim repeats, refusing to hear what she has to say next. He can’t die.

“Hey, they’re doing everything they can for him,” Trudy whispers, her voice cracking. Kim can see tears welling in her eyes. “He’s in good hands. He’s going to be okay.”

It’s all empty promises, hopeful lies meant to offer false reassurance. She can see it in Trudy’s eyes, he’s going to die. The police sergeant doesn’t believe what she’s just said.

‘He’s going to die, isn’t he?” Kim can feel her bottom lip quivering as she says and Trudy seems to melt, droop into this old tired woman who’s weary and lost in her fears too.

“Don’t do that, Kim,” she tries, but even the normally unwavering Trudy Platt can’t stop her voice from cracking.

“Isn’t he?” Kim repeats miserably, tears beginning to well in her eyes as she sits up, ignoring the pain from her movement. Nothing hurts more than the pain bursting open in her chest, nothing hurts more than the thought of losing Adam.

Trudy places a steady hand on Kim’s thigh and shakes her head. “I don’t know, Kim. I don’t know.”

It’s the most honest thing anyone has said to her since being found. Ever the promises that she’d be fine were lies, how can she be fine while Adam is dying? How can she ever be fine if he dies. He’s her constant, when she’s beaten and bruised, he’s there. When the world is spinning out of control, he’s there. When she’s facing devastating loss, he’s there. She can’t imagine climbing the mountains life has thrown at her without him. She can’t imagine her life without him, she doesn’t even want to try. She doesn’t ever want to live without him.

“He can’t die,” Kim says hopelessly looking into Trudy’s tears stained gaze.

“Come here,” Trudy chokes and wraps her arms around Kim in a tight tug, holding her close to her body. “Come here.”

***

“What the hell happened?” Voight demands, marching into the waiting room and rapidly approaching Atwater and Halstead who are standing in a corner talking in hushed tones with their backs to the room. Hailey is sitting close to them, but she’s staring into space and doesn’t say anything or even look up as Hank approaches the small part of his unit that’s left standing. Jay and Kevin both turn slowly to face him. They’re exhausted and their gazes are dull and spacy; they’ve been run ragged by the case, and a pang of guilt flares up inside of him as he really takes in the appearance of his team.

Jay sighs and straightens up his slumped shoulders, and Hailey finally looks up, but keeps her chin resting on her hand.

“Kim’s beat up, but physically she’ll be fine,” Jay says and glances at Kevin, who looks at the floor. The detective looks angry, and something passes through his gaze settling in like storm clouds on the horizon. “Ruz took two to the chest and one to the stomach. Where the hell were you?”

Hank’s first instinct is to fight the challenge from his most senior detective, but Hailey steps between them and makes him take a second to rethink.

“Not here, Jay,” she warns, putting one hand on her partner’s chest. She knows where he was, or at least has a pretty good guess, Hank is certain of that much. One of the guys who took Kim had rabbeted; Hank went after him.

“No, I wanna know where he was!” Jay shouts, righteous anger filling his voice. The weight of everything seems to finally be crashing down on top of him and breaking his floodwalls. “We got pinned down, Ruzek got shot three damn times, you got Kim out with patrol. Where the hell was he!”

“Jay,” Hailey says quietly and shakes her head.

The detective nods his head, glaring out at Voight; he seems to be putting together all the pieces as he keeps his gaze locked with Hank’s. “Unbelievable.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Hank challenges. He knows exactly what it means, and exactly what Jay is thinking, and he’s right.

“You executed your revenge fantasy. You left and opened this unit up to further harm so you could carry out your perception of justice, and Adam got shot!” Jay shouts, pushing against Hailey.

“He had to pay!” Voight shouts back, losing his cool.

“And he would’ve!” Jay shouts louder.

“He murdered children, he beat Kim, do you get that?”

“That doesn’t mean you can murder him,” Jay says dangerously, and one hand falls to the hand cuff tucked into his belt. “It’s horrible and evil, but that doesn’t mean you can leave, put us at risk and commit murder. When we cross that line we become no better than the people we work to put away.”

***

“How’s she doing?” Kevin asks, shuffling into Kim’s hospital room. She’s asleep, but Trudy is sitting up in a chair next to her flipping through a magazine. After Jay and Voight decided to take their argument to the roof and Will telling him and Hailey it’ll be another couple hours before they know how Adam’s surgery went he decided to move on to Kim’s room to check in on her and wait for news there.

“She’s hurting and scared for Adam,” Trudy says quietly, setting her magazine down on her lap. She gestures to a chair in the corner. “Pull a chair up and have a seat.”

He sighs and does as he’s told. It feels like it’s been an eternity since he’s sat down, and finally taking the weight off his legs makes him realize just how heavy he felt.

“I feel like I messed up,” Kevin finally says after a long time of sitting in silence and looks up at Platt who sets down her magazine again. She doesn’t say anything, just waits patiently for him to elaborate. “We fought.”

Trudy nods. He knows she knows this, she was there.

“I don’t regret standing my ground or taking the side I did. I’d do it again, I just…” He trails off. “Ruz is my best friend and he got shot, and I can’t help but wonder if he was trying to prove something.”

“Prove what?” Trudy asks, leaning back in her chair.

“I don’t know, that he’d still have my back, and still risk his life for me,” Kevin says slowly, letting his gaze fall to the floor. He can’t help but feel like maybe he made Adam feel like what he did was something he had to do to prove himself. “But I didn’t need him to do that. He should’ve known that. I should’ve made sure he knew I still trusted him with my life.”

“It’s not your fault Kevin,” Trudy says after contemplating his words for a couple seconds. “It’s not your fault he made the choice he did, and I think he would’ve made it regardless.”

Kevin shakes his head, he can feel tears welling in his eyes. “I just don’t want him to die, Platt.”

The desk sergeant looks like she’s about to say more, but Kim moans softly next to her and flinches and stops her from saying what ever she was about to say.

“Hey, Burgess,” Kevin says and scoots closer to his old partner’s bed. He rests his hand on top of hers to let her know he’s there.

She blinks her eyes open slowly, and looks up at him. Her gaze is pained and haunted like she’s seen a ghost.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kevin asks scooting a little closer to her.

She shakes her head. “Adam…”

Kevin glances at Trudy for a second before looking back to his old partner. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Kim shakes her head again. “I had a dream,” she says with chilling calm, and her tone is that of someone lost and broken, or maybe someone who has lost something. She swallows hard, “He died.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna die,” Kevin promises, but she doesn’t look convinced, and in all truth, he’s not convinced of what he just said either. He’s still not even sure how Adam survived the trip to the hospital. He’d lost more blood than Kevin even thought was humanly possible; there was so much of it making a pool on the ground around his body, soaking into the knees of Kevin’s pants, staining his hands as he desperately tried in vain to stop it or even slow it down- Kevin closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath trying to shake the memory, but he can’t. He can remember it, feel it even, so clearly and it won’t go away. The hot stickiness of Adam’s blood as it pushed against his hands and soaked into his own clothes and made them stick to his skin. How cold his hand was when Kevin grabbed it in the ambulance, how white his skin was.

“Kevin,” Trudy’s stern voice cuts through his unwanted memories and brings him back to reality.

“Sorry,” Kevin chokes, shaking himself, and when he looks back at Kim she’s looking at him like she knows exactly what was running through his mind.

***

Hailey follows Hank and Jay into Kim’s hospital room. Neither of them say a word and she doesn’t ask them for the details of whatever conversation they’ve just had. Hank looks like he’s just been yelling, but Jay looks unruffled, just grim. She can only imagine what was being said, Hank had all but confessed to murdering the guy responsible for kidnapping Kim, and Jay had openly accused him of doing just that.

“How are you holding up, Burgess?” Voight asks gruffly as he comes to a standstill at the foot of her bed. His face betraying nothing about what was said between him and Jay after they left to talk privately on the roof.

Kim glances around at all of them. “I’m fine.”

She doesn’t say anything about how scared she is for Adam, but Hailey can tell she’s terrified. She knows exactly what she’s feeling.

“Good, good,” Hank says and rests one hand on her leg.

Jay clears his throat and crosses his arms over his chest expectantly. Hank ducks his head. Hailey frowns and studies both of them, she’s never seen duck at someone else’s authority, especially not someone he outranks, but she can feel the shift between the two of them. Jay seems to be standing just a little taller, and Hank seems like he’s sunk somehow. It’s like there was some fight on that roof and Jay not only won, but somehow managed to surpass their leader.

“I have news guys,” Hank says, and Kevin cocks an eyebrow and looks to Jay who gives him a subtle curt nod. “I’m resigning from the CPD.”

Kim and Trudy both look stunned, Kevin doesn’t look surprised in the least, and Jay looks relieved. Hailey had been expecting something dramatic, but this wasn’t exactly this.

“Hank, why?” Trudy asks.

“It’s time,” he replies curtly, and side eyes Jay.

“Jay, can we talk?” Hailey asks, grabbing her partner and pulling him out into the hallway before he can respond or argue.

“What did you do?” she demands as soon as they’re out of ear shot from Kim’s room. She knows Voight didn’t come to this decision on his own.

“I gave him a choice,” Jay says confidently. There’s zero conflict in his voice about whatever conversation he had with Voight. “We both know what he was doing. He murdered that guy and he put the unti at risk while he was at it. So I told him he either resigns and let him do it with some dignity, or I bring him up on murder charges.”

Hailey raises both her eyebrows in shock. “You really did that?”

“He crossed a line, Hailey,” Jay replies evenly. “And it wasn’t the first time. I’m not letting him get away scott free this time.”

***

It’s late when Marcel finally walks into Kim’s hospital room to deliver the news on Adam’s condition, and it’s just her and Trudy. So much has been happening Kim almost wishes he’d wait just so she can catch up and process her world spinning out of control before something else is thrown at her, but more than that she needs to know whether Adam will be okay.

“He made it through surgery,” the surgeon reports, his tone is gentle and comforting. “He’s not out of the woods yet, and he’s got a rough road to recovery ahead of him, but he’s stable.”

Kim lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and lets herself fall back against her pillow, relief flooding over her in waves and lifting the tiniest amount of weight off her chest. He’s not out of the woods yet, but he’s made it this far. He has a good fighting chance now; she might not lose him after all.

“Can I go see him?” She asks shifting in bed so she’s sitting up again.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Marcel says hesitantly. “You still need rest and take time to heal-”

“I’m fine,” Kim says firmly without missing a beat. Her body still aches, but comparatively she’s fine, she didn’t get shot. “He can’t wake up alone. I need to be there for him. He needs to know I’m okay when he wakes up.”

She knows Adam, she knows the way his mind works, and she has a pretty good idea of how he handled things while she was kidnapped. She needs to be there for him when he wakes up to promise him she’s okay. Not only that but she needs to see him, she needs to be there with him to see for herself that he’s going to be okay. She doesn’t care if she’s still hurting, she needs to see him. She needs him.

“Kim-”

“Please,” she pleads.

Marcel sighs and slumps his shoulders. “Okay, fine, just until he wakes up and then you need to come back here and rest.”

“Thank you,” Kim breathes, managing to relax ever so slightly. Just the thought of being allowed to be close to him makes her feel better. She’s so used to him being right there next to her everytime she needs him, he just always seems to know, like it’s his sixth sense, but this time she’s going to be there for him.

Adam’s room is quiet, too quiet; Adam is still, too still, still like he’s barely clinging to life, like he might slip away at any moment.

“I’m right here,” Kim whispers as she eases herself into the chair next to his bed and takes his hand in hers. It’s really the only thing she can think to say. She’s there and she’s not going anywhere. It doesn’t matter how long it takes him to wake up, she’s going to be there waiting for him when he comes back to her. His fingers twitch a little as she wraps her other hand around his so it’s clasped between both her hands, but other than that he doesn’t stir. He remains still and quiet.

“You’re not supposed to be the one to get hurt,” she says quietly, it seems wrong to interrupt the quiet of the room by raising her voice above a whisper, so she keeps it low. “You’ve gotta stay safe for me and Makayla, because we both know I’m apparently incapable of doing that. Adam, I need you.” She’s not sure he can hear her, but she hopes he can, and that hope is enough to keep her talking. Maybe her words will bring him back to her, give him something to cling to the way his words always did for her. “Come back to me. Please. I don’t want to do this without you.”

She can feel tears stinging her eyes as she lifts his hand to her lips; it hurts. Deep down in her chest it hurts seeing him like this, so still and quiet. She’s not exactly sure what it's like to feel her heart break, but she’s pretty sure this feeling like her chest is being crushed and the lump in her throat she can’t swallow is pretty close to it. The sound of weak shallow breaths claws at her like nothing she’s ever felt before, it hurts. It hurts worse than all the times she’s been kicked, beaten, and shot. She’s only felt this hollow aching pain once before, and that was after the miscarrage, but even then she had Adam there with her to help fill the emptiness left behind, to remind her she wasn’t alone. But now he’s the reason for that hollow pit inside of her. The one person who she needs to promise her everything will be okay, is the one person who can’t do it.

“I’m sorry,” she finally says, finding her voice again through the lump in the back of her throat. And it conveys everything she needs to say to him all at once. “I’m sorry for everything.”

She spent so much time pushing him away, fighting him everytime he tried to get close to her, but he never gave up. He kept coming back, kept trying, and she kept pushing, but now she’s done pushing. Now she’s trying to pull him back to her, cling to him and keep with her, but for the first time he just seems to be drifting away. He seems to be leaving her.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away from me,” she chokes, kissing his hand. She’s not a doctor but even she knows the numbers on the heart monitor next to him are lower than they should be, and they’ve gotten lower since she first came into the room. He’s slipping. “I’m sorry, please stay with me. Come back to me one more time. Just one more time. Please.”

She rests her head on the bed next to him so he can feel her next to him.

“I’m right here,” she promises one last time.

***

Kim wakes up to gentle fingers combing through her hair. She lifts her head and discovers Adam looking at her, with his head tilted in her direction; the smile on his face is weak and dazed, but it’s a smile, and she can tell from the glint in his tired eyes that it’s genuine.

“Didn’t mean to wake you up,” he mumbles, struggling to get the words.

“No, I’m glad you did,” she breathes, tears welling in her eyes again. She hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep, and frankly at the moment she’s not convinced she’s not dreaming.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Adam wheezes and brushes her cheek with his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She’s supposed to be the one comforting him, not the other way around. He’s the one who got shot and almost died, not her, but here she is, terrified, and him yet again being the one to comfort her.

“They told me you got shot,” she chokes, the tears spilling down her cheeks. “I thought you were gonna die. I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Kim, I’m not going anywhere, ever, I promise,” Adam says, firmer this time. “I’m always going to be here for you.”

Kim nods through her tears. “I just-”

“It’s okay,” Adam promises and with all the tenderness in the world, pulls her close to him as she begins to cry harder. “I’m okay Kim. I promise”

She can feel him relax as her head rests against his chest, and he lets out a sigh that can only be described as one of relief, like he’s letting his own worries go as he helps her let go of hers. She squeezes her eyes closed as she keeps her head leaned against his chest and soaks in his presence and the warmth of his body.

“I’m sorry,” Kim says aloud for him to hear this time.

“Don’t do that,” Adam soothes.

“No, Adam I’m sorry,” she says and lifts her head so she’s looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve spent so much time pushing you away, and then I almost lost you, and I can’t lose you. I don’t ever want to live without you. Adam, I love you.”

“Kim…” Adam looks surprised, not a bad kind of surprised, not even a disbelieving kind of surprised, just surprised like he wasn’t expecting her to say that.

“I love you Adam,” she says with more emphasis this time.

And now it’s his turn to start crying. His tears come from nowhere and spill down his cheeks, and before Kim knows it he’s sitting up and wrapping his arms around her.

“I love you too,” he chokes out, burying his face in her shoulder. “I was so scared, Kim. I was so scared, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to find you. Nothing else mattered. I love you so much, Kim.”

He melts into her arms and clings to her like his life depends on it. Kim wraps her arms around him and leans her head against his. Her body hurts and aches from the beating she received, and she’s sure Adam’s hurting too, but it’s all just physical, just superficial, and she doesn’t mind it at all because she’s close to Adam and nothing else matters. He’s okay, he is going to be okay, they are going to be okay.

#chicago pd fic #cpd fic #burzek #upstead #burzek fic #adam ruzek #kim burgess #kevin atwater #jay halstead #hailey upton #hank voight #trudy platt

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chocoholicannanymous · 3 years

Text

If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) pt XIV

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI, pt VII, part VIII, part IX, part X, part XI, part XII and part XIII.

Posting this for day 3 (Dalton) of @kbweek2020, for reasons.

Benjamin Harris asks Kurt to call him Ben during their first meeting, and pencils him in for two sessions per week “for now”. Kurt doesn't know whether to be grateful that he's at a school where his mental health is considered so important or horrified that he's seen as needing that much help.

When he brings it up with Sebastian the answer is “grateful” and Kurt's pretty sure that it's the right one. It's just such a glaring difference from McKinley where the closest he'd gotten to an adult caring about his anything (in a positive way that was) was poor Miss Pillsbury.

And that's, that's just sad.

So he agrees to go to Ben's office every Monday and Wednesday, and he tries to talk, only he finds he's still skittish and wary.

Ben's good though, and finds a way around Kurt's defenses by suggesting that they bring in Finn for a few shared sessions, “to heal old wounds”. It's a good solution as that's something about being back at Dalton, and about boarding again, that Kurt isn't entirely pleased about. Not living at home means it's hard to be there for Finn (and to not having Finn be there for him). Sebastian is a good friend, but Finn's his brother. Kurt worries, okay?

Ben being sneaky and getting permission to have Finn come over for the first two weeks is an excellent solution.

(The only one who doesn't realize that half the reason is so Finn can get the help he needs but McKinley won't provide is Finn himself.)

Once Kurt begins to trust Ben – once he's seen that it's justified – talking gets easier. Telling him about everything that's lead to Kurt transferring to Dalton not just once but twice in a year in painful but also healing. Even if he sometimes hides from everyone afterwards just to deal with the sheer hurt of how little help he's ever been offered outside of his home and his dad's garage, and how much he could have thrived if he'd gotten this earlier.

The worst part is talking about Blaine.

Except, he has to, and maybe that's even worse.

So he makes an appointment late on a Friday, arranges for Finn to come pick him up, and then walks in with his back straight and his emotions tucked away as deep as possible.

He tells the whole story of him and Blaine, from that first meeting on the staircase all the way to the police station, with as little detail and emotion as he can get away with. He winces, once, because Ben shifts a little during the part about Scandals, and right, he worked here last year. It's possible, Kurt thinks, that not that long ago it was Blaine sitting in this very chair telling Ben about his circumstances.

When Kurt reaches the end he falls silent. He's a little hoarse, from talking so long, and he feels empty.

Ben's quiet too, at first. He sits there, then gets up to fetch Kurt a bottle of water and waits for him to drink some of it.

“That's...that's a lot you just told me, Kurt. And judging from what I've learned about you I'm guessing this is the first time you've talked about all of it like this?”

True. Kurt's talked, yes, with Finn and Sebastian and even his dad. Before Blaine's disappearance he'd talked to Rachel and Mercedes. But not like this. Not without hiding things, or editing them out. Not with honesty.

“All of this, everything that's happened with Blaine... How does it make you feel?”

“Angry. Pathetic. Weak. Stupid. So, so stupid.”

“Why stupid?”

“Because I trusted him. I've got trust issues from here to forever, and I just trusted him. All I had to go on was that Blaine was cute, and charismatic when performing, that he was willing to listen and seemed sympathetic, and that he was gay just like me. That he'd been bullied, like me. Or so he said.

“And I just took him at his word. Trusted him like a damned sheep. Without a single shred of evidence that he was worth it. I told him things I hadn't even thought about telling my dad – who was worth my trust – and things I didn't have the right to tell him, and for what? So things could get even worse?”

Ben takes a moment again, before asking his next question.

“Do you feel now that Blaine didn't deserve that trust? Not just in the end, but throughout your relationship, I mean.”

Kurt laughs, short and harsh and joyless.

“You know, I dream about it. Not, not about that night – or I do too, but those are, that's not dreams, that's... Anyway, no.

“I dream that it's an ordinary day, and I'm driving over to Blaine's house to surprise him for some reason. I don't know why, since Blaine specifically told me I was never to show up there without warning, and I respected that.”

He'd added two and two and come up with “Mr Anderson is a homophobic prick”, which may or may not be true, and also may or may not be the actual reason.

“Anyway. I drive over there, and I ring the doorbell, and when Mrs Anderson opens the door I ask for Blaine. Only she tells me there's no Blaine living there, there never was. And when I push her on it, she tells me that a boy paid them to pretend to be his family, but she doesn't know why, or where he really lives.”

Kurt swallows.

“And then I wake up, and I can't help but wonder, if I were to do my research, would I find an Anderson family at West Elm Street? And if I did, would the faces match the people I've met?”

“What do you mean?”

“Blaine and I dated for six months, and were friends for another six months before that. And somehow I never got to know his family. I haven't even seen a photo of Blaine's older brother. I've only ever met Mrs Anderson three times, and Mr Anderson twice. If it wasn't for the fact that they were at the police station, specifically as Blaine's parents – which, by the way, is one of those times – I don't know if I'd believe that's who they are. Hell, at my darkest moments I still question it.”

“Do you really believe he would fake something like that?”

Ben's voice doesn't hold mocking, or disbelief, just worry.

“No. Not really. As I said, they went to the police as Blaine's parents. That's not something you risk if it's fake. Besides, Lima's too small to pull something like that off.

“It's more that I find that I was such an unimportant piece of Blaine's life puzzle that I can't even trust something like that.”

They both sit quiet for a while. After all, what is there even to say about thoughts like those?

When Kurt returns to Dalton on Sunday evening Sebastian is leaning against his door, dangling a thermos-flask from one hand. It's both a welcome sight and not, seeing as Kurt had let slip about the nightmares during a check-in the day before. But. It's coffee, and it's Sebastian.

He's halfway through his cup before Sebastian grabs the bull by the horn.

“Do you want to talk about the nightmares?”

No, he most certainly does not. Not those anyway. Still...

“The ones about that night, no. But there are others. Sometimes I have nightmares where I come to school and instead of Blaine being gone, instead of me being called into Miss Pillsbury's office the next day to be met with the news that Blaine's gone... I go to my locker and he's there. And I forgive him. I just...ignore that he tried to rape me, and I forgive him. Even worse, I take the blame.

“And then I wake up shaking, knowing that I could so easily have done just that.”

“Kurt...” His name falls from Sebastian's lips with almost no sound, and it's so clear that the other boy wants to protest.

“No, I really could have. Right from the beginning everyone was so happy to let me know I was lucky to find Blaine, and some made it clear that they didn't think I'd ever be able to do better. Hell, my own experience made me believe that. So why would I have let him walk away? If he was the best I could get, then it was forgive him or spend my life alone.

“Talking to Ben has made me realize exactly how unhealthy that kind of thinking is, and how me folding about something like that would have impacted our entire relationship. He would always have known he could get away with just about anything, and I would never be able to stand up for myself because of the fear of being alone.”

Kurt shudders. Had those dreams been reality then he would never have felt safe denying Blaine sex again. He'd never have felt safe denying Blaine anything. You want that role I need? Of course. You want to move across the country? I'll start packing. You want me to quit my job and be a househusband? Yes dear.

He'd have become a doormat, and he'd have told everyone it was what he wanted while believing it was all he deserved.

Blaine leaving had hurt like hell, but Kurt's beginning to believe it had been a blessing.

“I think I might have dodged a bullet there.”

Sebastian scoffs.

“No shit. That's not a bullet though, that's ammunition for a small war.”

Kurt acknowledges the point. It's a bit of an overstatement, he thinks, but then again he went the other direction.

“Either way, he's out of my life, and he's not getting back in. That's a good thing. The same will be true about the nightmares, sooner or later. No, this isn't me pretending things are fine when they're not, this is me honestly believing it'll be fine. Talking to Ben helps.

“Having you helps.”

He watches amused as Sebastian blushes softly at the compliment while trying to play cocky. He likes it when Sebastian's facade breaks down. In fact, he might just have made it his mission to make it happen as often as possible.

“So, do you have any plans for the rest of the evening? Lacrosse equipment to clean? Lingering homework? No? What about that essay for Mme Lacroix?”

The panic in Sebastian's face as he jumps up is delicious.

“What essay? When did she– Oh, I see. Not funny, Hummel.”

“From where I'm sitting? Definitely funny, Smythe. But if there's nothing else you need to do, would you like to watch a movie with me? I've got some chocolate I don't mind sharing, and I'll even let you pick the movie.”

Sebastian looks at him suspiciously, searching for the next joke. Then he apparently decides that Kurt is serious.

“I could do that. Careful though, that almost sounded like you asking for a date.”

“Who said I wasn't?” Total deer in headlights look. “Would it be so bad? I like you. I think we are good together. I believe we could be even better. I trust you. Giving this, giving us, a chance feels smart. It feels right.”

Sebastian keeps staring at him, and Kurt feels himself begin to fidget a little, suddenly uncomfortable. Did he read the situation wrong? Then, finally, Sebastian speaks, voice a little raspy.

“Oh god. I thought you... Can I kiss you?”

There's a desperation in the words, but Kurt can't fault him for it. He feels it too. So he nods, and takes a step towards Sebastian. He's expecting... Well, he doesn't know what he's expecting. More of the desperation maybe? Expertise? Seduction? He definitely wasn't expecting careful softness, and constant checks for consent, but that's what he gets.

Then again, maybe that's exactly what he should have expected from Sebastian, who's been with him the whole way, who knows everything, and has shown himself to care in a way Kurt's not entirely used to to.

It's a Sebastian without masks and attitudes, meeting a Kurt without the same, and it's everything he could have wished for.

He's got no memory of what movie they finally play.

#chocoholic fics #kurt fic #kurt hummel #a wild sebastian appears #sebastian smythe #in 2020 we finish our wips #kbweek2020

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ellewritesathing · 4 years

Text

Faking It - IV

Summary: You’d done plenty of dumb things in your life, but the dumbest had to be picking Greendale’s latest bad-boy to pretend to be your boyfriend.

Masterlist Prev. | Part 4

Word-count: 3.4k+

A/N: this gif has nothing to do with this part but i thought it was cute and couldn’t find a kitchen gif that fit. hope you enjoy the drama lmao 💕

Of all the ways you saw taking Caliban’s hand the day you met, you hadn’t anticipated the very obvious outcome: that you’d develop feelings for him. Actual, real, not fake feelings. But it’s not like it was your fault - no, you blamed the blonde asshole himself. They just didn’t make guys like him in Greendale, so he completely blindsided you by being … well, himself.

He was intimidating enough that other guys left you alone, and - even though plenty of people found him as charming as you did - he made it very clear that he had no interest in any of them. He was infuriatingly good at everything he did and he looked good while doing it. He laughed at all your shitty jokes and actually listened to you when you spoke. How the hell were you supposed to not be attracted to someone who would sit with you while you worked on your art projects and quote poetry in an offhand effort to distract you?

Who the hell could even quote poetry in real life?

Not you. Not anyone that you’d ever met.

Caliban was just different in all the ways that made your heart race.

The fact that your friends liked him didn’t hurt either. Harvey still rolled his eyes whenever Caliban showed up or made the others laugh, but his anger must have subsided at least a little because you’d caught them joking around between practices. Theo loved Caliban; the two of them had inside jokes, knew each other’s lunch orders, and partnered up for chemistry. Roz would read a book and annotate it before handing it off to Caliban to read, and she liked that Caliban made you smile. Sabrina liked having someone to do dumb and borderline illegal stuff with. They liked him, and now you liked them. The fuckers.

“Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” Sabrina asked, nudging you with her elbow. “You’ve been staring at the baseball field for like five minutes.”

“Of course I’m listening,” you lied. You sat up straighter and tugged your clothing back into place. “Quite frankly, I’m insulted you’d think that I wasn’t paying attention to The Great Kinkle Family Reunion.”

Sabrina tilted her head and smiled politely, that’s how you knew trouble was coming. “Then tell me what you should do when Uncle Tristan starts talking about horses,” she said.

“Uh …”

“Exactly.” Sabrina laughed and looked down at the field where Harvey, Theo, Caliban, and the rest of the team were running laps. “I’ve been to every family get together since I met Harvey, and they all end horribly. Caliban’s mom was really sweet to host one, but she’s in way over her head. Have you met her, by the way?”

“No,” you said. You couldn’t tell if that was weird or not. Were fake girlfriends supposed to meet their partner’s mothers? “But I’m kinda surprised she’s doing this given everything I’ve heard about her and the Kinkles. They weren’t exactly the most supportive of her.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why Harvey’s such a sweetheart when the rest of the family is … It was probably Tommy, now that I think about it,” Sabrina said. She shook her head and turned to look at you before taking your hands in hers. “I just wanted to check-in and make sure you’re ready for this.”

“Brina, I can handle this.” You squeezed her hands reassuringly. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve got a pretty mean right hook. Ask Colin Anderson. If there’s a fight, I’ll be golden.”

Sabrina laughed and let go of your hands. “I’m trying to prevent that fight, but good to know.”

You laughed and bumped her with your arm. “Looks like practice is letting out. You wanna head down?”

“Nah.” Sabrina put on her brightest smile and waved down to a very tired-looking Harvey. “Let them de-stink first.”

---

After two weeks of prep and cover stories, the day of the Great Reunion was here. You’d woken up disgustingly early in order to get yourself together and drive over to Caliban’s to help them set everything up.

You weren’t sure what you expected their house to look like, but clashed with the black BMW parked in the garage. It was a sweet, two-story house with a wraparound porch and balloons in the front yard. The house was painted a soft sunshine shade of yellow and had rocking chairs, hanging plants, and rose beds in the front. It was the picture-perfect house for anyone other than Caliban, but it still fit.

Different.

Gathering up your nerve and the rest of your belongings, you made your way to the door and pressed the doorbell. The tiny pothos plant felt as awkward as you did while it sat in your hands and waited for someone to open the door.

Thank God it was Caliban and not his mom.

He smiled amusedly at your plant before looking up at you. “Is that for me?”

“I know it’s a lame gift but I didn’t know if your mom was allergic to cut flowers and I’m not old enough to buy her wine,” you said in a rush. You frowned slightly and tilted your head. “Well, not legally at least.”

Caliban laughed and reached out to take one of your hands and lead you inside. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

You didn’t know what else to say as Caliban led you to the kitchen. The house was as much of a surprise inside as it was outside, and it smelled like freshly baked bread. It was colorful and covered in old photos. He seemed very at home here and lighter than you’d ever seen him elsewhere. No, not lighter. Happier.

“Wait.” You stopped dead and let go of Caliban to reach out for a photo of the cutest little boy with missing front teeth and a mess of blonde curls around his dirty face. “Is this you?” You couldn’t help the laugh that came out when Caliban looked pained at your discovery. “Aw, Abercrombie, you were so cute! What’s on your face?”

Caliban sighed and took the photo out of your hand, looking embarrassed for probably the first time in his life. “I was seven years old and I liked eating chocolate. Is that a problem?”

“Oh, no, no, no,” a woman said as she rounded a corner and laughed. She had the most beautiful long, brown hair and kind eyes. “You didn’t just like chocolate. If you came anywhere near it, you used to eat yourself into a sugar coma. I couldn’t bake anything around you without you eating the batter before it even got into the oven.”

She laughed and ruffled Caliban’s hair before smiling at you. You didn’t know anyone could ruffle his hair without losing a hand.

“You must be the lovely new girlfriend I’ve heard so much about,” she said. “I’m Isobel. Is that for me?”

Isobel pointed at your little pot plant and jolted you back to life. “Uh, yeah,” you said and held the plant out to her. Her hands were warm as she took the plant from you. “I wasn’t too sure what to bring but I didn’t want to come empty-handed.”

“Oh, not at all. This little guy is perfect!” Isobel lifted up the plant to look at it. “I’m going to give him some water and put him in the front. Do you guys want to get settled in the kitchen so long?”

“Of course,” Caliban said with a gentle smile. His mom gave him another playful bump and disappeared into some other part of the house while Caliban held a hand out to you. “Shall we?”

“Who are you?” you teased with wide eyes as you took his hand in yours.

You followed him into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast bar. They were here for maybe a month and their house already felt like more of a home than yours ever did. How they afforded it all, you had no idea, but Caliban never spoke about his birth dad and you didn’t want to push. All you knew was he gave Caliban his blonde hair and bone structure, nothing more and nothing less.

You were snapped out of your thoughts by the sight of Caliban in a sunflower printed apron. Clearly, your efforts to contain your amusement weren’t nearly as stellar as you thought they were because Caliban raised an eyebrow at you over all the baking supplies on the counter.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“I didn’t peg you for an apron guy is all,” you said with a small shrug, doing your best to sound nonchalant and not totally, completely chalant.

“I don’t like getting my clothes dirty,” Caliban said defensively. “Without an apron, anything can stain your shirt.”

“I think I’ll take the risk,” you said as you tapped the counter. “I trust myself and don’t think anyone’s going to splatter batter on me.”

“Batter, maybe not …” Caliban tilted his head to the side. “But flour?”

“Flour?”

Before you had the chance to ask what he meant, Caliban threw a handful of flour at you. He laughed at how shocked you were and you took that opportunity to reach across the counter and throw some flour at him. Soon enough the two of you were running around the kitchen, covered in flour, and laughing until your sides hurt.

Caliban wrapped his arms around you and scooped you up, ignoring your pleading and cries that were cut short by laughter. You were still mid-air with Caliban’s face close to your own when Isobel came back.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Isobel put her hands out to get your attention. “We have guests coming in an hour and the two of you are making a mess in my kitchen.”

Caliban set you down, but the two of you were still tangled up and filthy. You didn’t know what to say to the woman you’d met fifteen minutes ago and whose kitchen you’d subsequently ruined.

Isobel laughed and shook her head. “It’s my own fault for leaving this one unsupervised,” she teased, pointing a finger at Caliban as she made her way around to start cleaning up. “Go clean yourselves up. Come back when you don’t like friendly ghosts.”

Luckily for you, flour was relatively easy to get out because you weren’t wearing dark colors for once. It took a while to get it out of your hair and make it look presentable, but it was hard to be too mad at the mess when it was such a fun time making it.

When you got back downstairs, you could hear people laughing and talking in the kitchen. It was still too early for guests but it was clear that it wasn’t just Caliban and his mom.

You were right. You rounded the corner to find Caliban freshly-changed, his mom kneading some dough, and a very pretty redhead with big doe-eyes all laughing at some inside joke. It made you feel painfully other.

“Oh, Luce,” Isobel said when she noticed you come in, waving you over. “You have to meet Caliban’s girlfriend. She’s a gem.”

Luce ... As in Lucy? Lucy from California? Harvey’s first crush? Lucy.

This was going to end badly.

Lucy tilted her head as she turned to look at you. You could see the gears turning in her head as she looked you over. “Girlfriend?” she asked with a friendly (but fake) smile.

“The one and only,” you said with an over-confident smile as you walked over and interlaced your hand with Caliban’s. You wrapped your other hand around his arm, just like the first day you met. You introduced yourself with a friendly yet fake smile of your own.

“You guys moved up here a few months ago and Caliban’s completely forgotten about me,” Lucy teased to Isobel. She moved some hair out of her face and looked over at you again. “He used to tell me everything. We were like this.” She crossed her index and middle finger over each other with a smile.

You’d have liked to show her one of your fingers.

But you didn’t. All you did was smile and make some polite conversation while not letting go of Caliban. You weren’t sure why you were being so defensive. It’s not like you and Caliban were actually dating, but you didn’t like Lucy. Not only did she break Harvey’s heart and cause all the damage you’d spent the better part of two months fixing, but she also just rubbed you the wrong way.

“Okay, not to ruin all the fun,” Isobel said after a while. “But guests should be coming soon. Why don’t you kids make sure everything is set up in the back and keep an ear out for any early birds?”

“Sure thing,” Lucy said, hopping off her seat and leading the way to the backyard.

You started following when Caliban caught your arm and said something to his mom about getting more supplies from the garage. He didn’t say anything else as he led the way and neither did you, but that was mostly just because you were being petty.

Caliban led you to the middle of the garage and tugged on the old light to illuminate the dusty room around you. He lifted your intertwined hands and folded them over each other as he thought about what he was going to say.

You couldn’t wait that long.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Lucy? And I want the truth this time.”

Caliban laughed and shook his head as he looked up at the old light above you. He took a breath before saying, “Lucinda’s my best friend, pretty much my only friend before yours so kindly took me in. If I’d known she’d be here today, I would have said something.”

“Wait, you were best friends with the girl who broke up your family?” you asked.

“She apologized,” Caliban said. “And, besides, you’re friends with Harvey.”

“Harvey’s never made out with me,” you said, untangling your hand from his so that you could cross your arms over your chest.

Caliban narrowed his eyes slightly as he took in your newly defensive stance, and then he laughed without saying anything else. He looked amused when he met your scowling gaze again. “I can’t believe you’re jealous,” he said. “Don’t misunderstand me, it’s incredibly attractive but-”

“I am not jealous,” you said. “I couldn’t care less.”

“I’m sure,” Caliban said with a sarcastic smile. He rolled his eyes as he stepped closer and cupped your face before leaning down to be millimeters away from your face. “Forget about her, alright? I assure you, you’re the only fake girlfriend for me.”

Before you had the chance to say something witty in return, the garage door flew open and the devil herself stood in the opening.

“There you are!” Lucy said. “Cal, I need help with these streamers. I’m way too short to get them where your mom wants them.”

“I’ll be right out,” Caliban said without taking his eyes off yours. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before taking a step back and leaving you in the dusty and dim garage.

You shot a warning text to Harvey about Lucy before you went out to help the others. Though he never answered, he must have got it because he was surprisingly okay when he and Sabrina got there. You and Sabrina shared a look when Lucy got a bit handsy with her hello, but neither of you said anything.

That’s how most of the get together went; you and Sabrina sharing secret, sarcastic looks and staying out of trouble. Well, mostly. You still didn’t know what to say when Uncle Tristan started talking about horses, but Caliban came to your rescue and the rest was smooth sailing.

Until an hour went by when you couldn’t find Caliban anywhere. You asked around but no one had seen him, but his mom pointed you in the direction of his room. Isobel held onto your arm before you could leave.

“Um, I’m sorry if this seems a bit strange but I …” Isobel smiled and looked down at her hand on your arm before letting go, clearly trying to respect whatever boundaries you may have had. “Caliban’s been a lot happier since we moved here and I think that has to do with you. I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Oh, uh- It’s nothing. I’m just a girl and I’m sure Caliban’s brought a few of us around by now with cheekbones like that,” you said with a smile.

“No, Caliban’s never brought anyone home before,” Isobel said, looking like she was trying to remember anything to the contrary. “Sorry, hun, I’ve gotta go. Jan’s calling me over. Good luck with the search!”

“Thanks,” you said quietly.

Isobel disappeared into the sea of Kinkles and you made your way to Caliban’s room. You took your time going up the stairs, looking at all the photos on the wall as you did. It was nice to see that Caliban was just as angry and angsty now as he was at 14 years old.

It was strangely quiet upstairs compared to the rest of the house and the party in the backyard. Quite enough that you could hear someone giggling upstairs, someone decidedly not Caliban.

Roz would have told you to face it head-on and not to sneak around like a creep. Thankfully, Roz wasn’t there to say anything.

You tiptoed as casually as you could to Caliban’s room. The room felt more like the Caliban you knew than the rest of the house did: big windows without any blinds, a tornado of books and sketches on every surface available, and a very pretty redhead making out with him.

“She kissed you, huh?” you asked, echoing the story of when they were younger before turning on your heel and slamming the door behind you. Your heart ached annoyingly when Caliban called out for you as he followed behind you, but your brain told it to suck it up until you were out of the house.

By sheer force of will, you made it back downstairs without turning around, but then Caliban managed to get a hold of your hand and spin you around to face him.

“Would you please let me explain?” Caliban asked.

“No,” you said, pulling your hand away from him. “Look, it’s not like you have anything to explain anyway, okay?” He reached out for you again and you took a step back so you wouldn’t be confused by his touch. “You and me? We were a fake relationship. Maybe this is the universe saying it’s time it came to a real end.”

You knew what he’d say if you weren’t arguing. He’d ask you, with that annoying smile of his, when you started letting the universe tell you what to do. Or he’d make some comment about the universe being a bastard. But all he did now was set his jaw and look down at his hand.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying this is it,” you said. “Goodbye, Caliban.”

You weren’t sure why you expected him to say something else, to fight for your fake relationship, but all that expectation just led to disappointment. Caliban flexed his hand but didn’t say anything else as you pushed past him to get your stuff from the kitchen so you could rush to your car to cry.

Harvey was tapping on your window just before you started the car. Curse your five-minute breakdown for being long enough for him to notice you were gone.

“What?” you asked as you rolled down the window.

“Are you okay?” Harvey asked. “You ran out of there so fast-”

“You were right, okay?” You put your car in reverse before looking back up at him. “Caliban’s not a good guy and you warned me. Will you just let me go so I can cry somewhere that’s not here?”

“Hey, you know that’s not what I meant,” Harvey said softly, reaching through the window for you. “Let me come with-”

“No. Go have fun with your family. I need to get out of here.”

“But-”

“Harvey, move or I will drive over your foot.”

You didn’t think he was going to do it, but Harvey took a very reluctant step back and put his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t going to fight for you either, not that you’d given him much of a chance. Harvey was stood there, watching you drive away until he disappeared in your rearview mirror.

Music blared in an attempt to drown out your thoughts, but there was one you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried. Sabrina was right - every Kinkle family get together ended horribly.

Tagged: @miss--moose @marrypuffsstuff @harryscarolinaa @igorsbby @foji2000 @mschfavngz @artaxerxesthegreat @thxmagic @strawberriesandknives @xealia @hotmessindisguise @reheated-coffee @shelby-x @perseny-blog @millie-753 @luneerius @shizzybarnaclee @lettherebelovex @throughparisallthroughrome @ietss @thebookwormlife @mechanicalanimalz @mariamermaid @nqbmf @drrramaaaqweeen

#faking it #caliban #caliban imagine #caliban x reader #caos #chilling adventures of sabrina

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things-we-used-tc-share · 4 years

Text

The Slow Acceptance of Janus Sanders

(And the inevitable plight of falling in love with Patton)

Warnings: Spoilers for the last video sort of.

Ship: Moceit

Plot: When you love someone you start picking up their habits a little. And as it turns out, Janus is actually very good at caring about the others.

Word Count: 3323

I: How to Make Pancakes And Friends.

The morning is quiet, the hum of nature outside vast and undisturbed bar the wind and squirrels. The sunlight streams in, the cool air drifting through an open window, and illuminating a man with a cup of tea in his hands as he stares out at the world that had been created for them. He sips the tea, swirling the warm liquid around his mouth before swallowing it, apparently deep in thought.

“Good morning Patton,” He jumps at the sound, looking over to the newcomer, whose arms were crossed over his chest, an amused expression on his face as Patton calms down from the fright he just received. “Terribly sorry,” He doesn’t sound sorry, mostly he’s smiling, Patton doesn’t take offense and gives him a warm smile in return.

“Well Janus, you could’ve given me a warning before sneaking up on me like that!” He slides off the windowsill with a shake of his head, his tone reminiscent of a father berating their child, but in a way that only makes Janus feel somewhat accepted by Patton. The patronisation he could do without but whatever helps the moral side cope is also good enough for him. His name sounds strange coming from any of the other sides’ mouths, yesterday evening Logan had said his name to his face and Janus almost forgot how to breathe.

It’s a learning curve.

“I did warn you, I said good morning,” He isn’t lying, and Patton laughs lightly, shaking his head as he wanders into the kitchen. “Are you making breakfast?” He follows the other like a lost puppy, the moral facet does not mind and opens cupboard doors. “We don’t…need to eat?”

“Need and want are not the same thing,” He hands Janus a frying pan and grins. “Here I’ll show you how to make them,” And he does. Or at least he tries, it takes the deceitful side several attempts of burned pancakes before he finally gets the hang of it. He almost forgets his mysterious façade as he flips a perfect pancake and cheers lightly, Patton grins at him.

It was quite an interesting experience, when Roman and Logan drag themselves downstairs and find Janus giggling into his hands as Patton tries to scrape pancake off the ceiling between fits of laughter.

II: Janus is Not Patton, Roman is Not Remus.

A couple of weeks later, Roman grumbles as he walks in through the front door. He’d made this place, well, a part of him had, and so had Remus. They’d kept reshaping and building the mindscape throughout the years.

Which is why it’s more amusing that he always seems to end up with the most bruises and cuts, because you would think that by now he knew where all the danger was, in a place of his own creation.

“Where’s Patton?” He asks as he stands in the living room, bruises on his face and cuts on his arms. They will heal, but he’s not Logan and he knows very little about the human body in terms of healing (He really should learn so he can heal himself faster). Janus, who is sat cross-legged on the sofa, looks up from the crossword puzzle that he’s staring at so very intensely.

“I think he’s gone outside for something,” He gives a small smile. “What’s the matter?” The tension between them hadn’t quite dissipated from their little argument, so he feels in some small way like he’s treading rough currents or walking a tightrope “May I…be of assistance?” Janus is not Logan either, but he has spent years putting Remus’ bones back into place and tending to nasty scars. “Those aren’t so bad, all you really need is some antiseptic and plasters,” Suddenly, he’s not waiting for Roman’s response as he hurries one half of the creative sides to sit down and grabbing the first aid kit. Roman doesn’t argue, just lets Janus clean up the blood. The elder is distinctly reminded of every time he’s had to patch Remus up; whilst Roman just thinks Janus is much like Patton, for a moment, he swears the care in the other’s eyes, the concentration on fixing something up…if it weren’t for the scales he could’ve been him.

III: Take a Moonlight Drive Until You Smile (Or Sleep).

The deceitful side, now that he’s making a habit out of eating food for the sake of it, finds he enjoys midnight snacks. Most of the time he’s alone, although sometimes he finds himself berating the most prominent night owls: Logan and Virgil, about knowing when to sleep instead of doing their jobs. They don’t require sleep in the same sense actual human beings would, but they do still get tired as anyone else would, both emotionally and physically.

This night however, it isn’t Logan or Virgil who he runs into, but curled up on the windowsill, staring out into the night is Patton.

“Patton?” Janus asks, eyebrows furrowed, the moral side is wearing a onesie with cat ears and he looks both very tired and adorable. “What…has you up at this late hour?” He doesn’t hide the surprise in his tone, moving closer to the other, almost ready to tell him to go to bed; Logan and Virgil might cope with atrocious sleep schedules, but Patton requires balance and rhythm. He needs repetition to feel secure, and is not adjusted to change in any way, shape or form.

“I couldn’t sleep, my head is…too loud,” Patton doesn’t meet Janus’ eyes, but in the low light of the moon and the corner lamp, the lying side can tell in seconds that he’d been crying. He understands that feeling too, and sighs, holding out his hand.

“Come,” He instructs, the moral side looks surprised, but doesn’t kick up a fight, taking the other’s hand. “I’ll take your mind off it,” He grabs a coat off the rack and hands it to the other man; Patton gives a confused smile and does as he’s told, being led out the front door. The outside world surrounding their mansion of a home is mostly fields and the like, trees and forests, and hills, all the things that make Roman and Remus feel a little more like themselves. It isn’t a scenery that will be argued, as it is almost picturesque.

Janus opens the garage door, rolling up the shutter to reveal a car, something Patton had known they owned but had never had the urge to be in, until now. He gets in the passenger seat and does not speak. Janus turns on the car, and the radio, and then he drives. Patton doesn’t know how long they drove for, he fell asleep somewhere along the line, and woke up halfway up the stairs as he was carried to his bed.

He sleeps then, until the next morning.

Patton doesn’t mention it to Janus, but he does say thank you quietly, before starting on breakfast. The two say nothing more on the matter, even though they consider it separately in silence.

IV: Janus is Not Patton, Part 2.

“Patton’s not feeling well,” Roman informs the deceitful side one evening “Can you make dinner?” Logan looks up from the book in his hands, as though just a little disappointed. Much like Janus, he had initially thought it to be pointless to eat when they don’t need to functionally eat, however Patton’s meals became just as much of a guilty pleasure as cups of coffee, or sleep, and just because you don’t need something in a literal sense, doesn’t mean it does not have benefits.

So, he too, is a little disappointed that he’s not having Patton’s Sunday dinner tonight.

“Of course, I’ll just become your secondary maid because you don’t know how to turn an oven on,” Janus replies, but his tone is teasing and when he cracks the slightest smile, Roman relaxes. “I do wonder if you look after yourself at all, Roman,” He moves, his fingertips drumming against the counter as he looks around the kitchen “Sunday dinner then?”

“Usually that is what one eats on a Sunday,” Logan mutters, voice quiet, but almost verging on humorous. Roman laughs, and the elder nods in agreement almost sarcastically, his one human eyebrow raising, before he sets about making dinner. It feels strange, cooking for them all, not quite as strange as knowing that Patton had taught him how to cook before Roman and Logan. He knows that Logan, at least, is probably a fairly good cook, but their roles extend beyond just their functions.

Which means Patton had, to some extent, accidentally made him second in command

(It hadn’t been an accident at all).

After everyone else had eaten, the deceitful side knocks at Patton’s door with a bowl of soup and a piece of chocolate cake. The other smiles at him, accepts the food with a hoarse voice and thanks him for looking after the others. “I know it’s hard sometimes,” Patton mutters “Roman especially sometimes needs more care than you would expect, but I suppose you got the harder end of the deal,”

Deceit shrugs, his smile tired “Remus is not hard to deal with once you know how to deal with him, the same way Virgil or Roman or even Logan are not hard to deal with once you understand how they work, actually I think I have a harder time understanding Logan,” It’s a joke, which sounds strange coming from his mouth, both to himself and too Patton.

“Thank you,” Patton says.

“You’re welcome,” he doesn’t know what he’s being thanked for, but he also doesn’t really care.

V: Everybody has a Hobby. Even The Bad Guys.

Logan has a habit of drinking in the evening, it’s not a problem and it doesn’t affect him in the slightest as he can quite literally control whether or not he gets drunk. Plus, he’s a very slow drinker. He sits on the couch, book in his lap and his feet up with a glass of whiskey and elderflower on the coffee table. Across from him, on the other couch, is Patton, undertaking a crochet scarf with silent mutterings of how hard such a task actually is. Logan glances up every now and then with some semblance of fondness.

A glass of wine is placed in front of Patton, and the other mutters a thanks without looking up, trying to untangle knots that shouldn’t be there, before gloved hands are placed over his “May I?” The moral side looks up, a light blush over his freckled cheeks before he hands the half-made scarf to Janus, who sits beside him. “You just have to keep your hands a little steadier,” The other explains, unknotting the tangled threads with ease, he examines it to see where Patton has gone wrong, before he starts to explain. Patton stares at him, half listening, but mostly enthralled in the way the other speaks, the look on his face, the flush to his cheeks as he shares something he likes with another person, perhaps truly for the first time in his life.

Logan glances over the top of his book, watching as Janus meets Patton’s eyes and stutters, before he rolls his own eyes. Feelings, he thinks to himself, an internal laugh sounding silently in his own mind. He’s getting used to such things surrounding him, but mostly he is happy for there to be stability, a sense of peace that comes with the two halves of morality working together.

Still, he averts his eyes back to his book, feeling somewhat like he’s intruding on something he can’t quite understand.

VI: Snow Day

A low squeal fills the air as the two halves of creativity dash outside into an unusual weather pattern. Snow, in August. Janus supposes Roman or Remus must have wishes really hard, which is generally how these things happen in the mindscape. Logan tuts, narrowly avoiding getting coffee spilled all over him as Remus runs past him to get outside. Patton snorts as he grabs his gloves and hat and coat, pausing to look back at Janus, who is halfway through making his own coffee.

At the gaze fixated on him, he sighs, and places the mug down, drifting past the moral side to get his coat. Patton beams happily, handing the snake-skinned side a warmer hat than the bowler he usually wears, grinning as the other’s hair sticks up in every direction in the transition from one to another.

The air is cold outside, and Remus is hurling snowballs at Roman, for a moment they really do seem like brothers, dodging around each other in the snow. Patton and Janus remember simpler days, when the two were really halves of a person, before Roman learned what an ego was, and Remus learned how to bring death. This is the one time they only really have each other, because Virgil and Logan are not making habits out of snowball fights, and Janus and Patton are more on the ‘stand and watch’ front personally. It’s the one time that they both seem normal and human.

Janus, grinning with mischief, rolls up a snowball out of the soft snow. “Don’t even think about it,” Patton squeaks, minutes before he’s wiping the snow off his face. Usually they’re prone to spectating, making sure the brothers don’t kill each other for a few seconds at a time. But soon they’re both hurling snowballs at each other, tripping up over the muddy white to see who ends up shivering the most.

Patton trips over his own feet, slipping on an icy patch, he grabs hold of Janus with every intention to shove him down first. But the deceitful side simply loses balance and finds his face buried in Patton’s chest, breathing heavily and giggling as the snow seeps through their clothes. Janus isn’t sure he’d ever been so close to another person, as he leans up and sees Patton’s flushed cheeks, the cold stinging his eyes but his body so very warm. He knows the smile on his own face must be softer than intended, because when the moral side opens his eyes, the smile slips a little as though he’s surprised.

Janus moves quickly then, pushing himself up and away from Patton, holding out a hand to help the other to his feet.

For the rest of that day he just replays that moment in his head, the look on the other’s face, eyes widening and lips holding a ghost of a smile, like he’d been struck by something he’d never thought of.

VII: Hot Day

It is so hot today, and nobody knows why, it’s not even this hot in the actual real world, but it’s sweltering in the mindscape. Roman was wearing shorts, Virgil had given up on his hoodie and Logan’s tie is dangling around his neck, the first four buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, a look that is apparently attracting Remus’ attention as he pesters the logical side with flirts that are unlikely to get returned.

Patton’s hair is curling a little as he tries to make lunch. Janus chuckles a little at the flustered expression, red cheeks and an inability to handle the warmth. He makes his way over and offers to take some of the workload, as Patton leans against the counter, tilting his head back with his eyes closed, clearly boiling in his thick polo shirt. The snakeskin side finishes off lunch, his black shirtsleeves rolled up as he places the plates down, watching the other sides move lethargically to get something to eat.

“Thanks,” Patton mutters.

“Of course,” Janus replies, biting into a cheese and tomato toastie, offering the other half to the other man as they lean against the kitchen counter, listening to the twins fight whilst Logan tries to read.

He does the dishes, whilst Patton leans his head on the counter, muttering that he has a headache. Janus does not think as he pauses scrubbing plates to grab some paracetamol out of the cupboard. He doesn’t wait for a thank you, he barely even realises he did it; he doesn’t know when he started acting as in tune with Patton’s feelings, and neither does the moral facet, who takes the paracetamol without even thinking. When that rhythm had started, bouncing around each other’s needs, neither of them can pinpoint, but it has Virgil and Roman raising their eyebrows and looking between each other.

“They’re basically married,” Roman uttered, with a snort that doesn’t hide his worried expression.

“Well, that’s their business,” Virgil replies, looking slightly uncomfortable with the idea of prying. He trusts Patton to make good decisions, and that’s all he wants to know about this situation, so he makes himself scarce in his own room. Nobody mentions it again, consciously making a decision that it simply isn’t their job to pry, even Remus, who is the king of making people uncomfortable, doesn’t mention the closeness between the two of them. Not particularly because he cares, but mainly because pissing off Janus, the only person who has managed somewhat to be kind to him, is not high on his to-do list.

VIII: Take a Hug Until You Smile (Or Sleep)

At 3am one morning, Janus stirs awake to a gentle knock at his door. He rubs his eyes, switching on the lamplight and wincing at the brightness of the room, before making his way to the cracked yellow door, turning the handle so that it opens. “Sorry,” Patton mutters, stood on the other side and looking far too small and far too cold. “I couldn’t sleep”.

“Come on in Patton,” The way he says his name sounds calm, the calmest that Patton has felt all evening as he twists and turns in his bed. His skin aches, and he reaches out to rest his hand on the exposed scales of Deceit’s left arm. They’re cool under his touch, and thankfully the younger of the two understands as he brings the moral side into his arms. He isn’t sure why the other didn’t go to Virgil or Roman for the matter, but he doesn’t interrogate him on the matter.

In truth, Patton doesn’t really know either, he’d just found himself here, longing more than anything to be in his newest friend’s arms. He rests his head on Janus’ chest, listening to the slow thud of his heart. And then he does know, he wonders how he never knew really, as that quiet heartbeat forces him to close his eyes, as the rhythmic warmth bundles up his senses and he knows.

The two end up lying down together, Patton tucked up under blankets and Janus’ arms, they don’t acknowledge the feeling that surrounds them both, not yet, the realisation is still settling in. But content, and knowing the truth for the first time, Patton falls asleep to the sound of blood pumping like a metronome, wondering how he’d ever slept any other way in his life.

IX: How To Make Pancakes And Lovers.

At 6AM two days later, Janus is trying to make pancakes when Patton comes downstairs. The younger says “Good morning,” but only gets the pan taken gently away from him. He tries to ask what’s wrong, if anything at all, but Patton smiles at him and all that worry ceases, leaving him staring at the other. At his wide eyes, at his smile, at the knowledge they both dance around.

Coherently, with no regret or fault, Janus thinks ‘I love you,’ and then he says it. Patton’s grin widens, and his hands find the other man’s. He repeats those words like an echo, brighter than he’d ever said them, before he’s claiming Janus’ lips in his own. Their hands grasp at each other with a fierce intensity, pressing forward but not forcefully, not in a rushed or hurried way. The younger’s gloved hands cup Patton’s face, holding him like he is holding something so precious, so dainty, like the petals of a flower.

Not for the first time, Logan and Roman get a bit of a surprise when they come downstairs to find the two trying to cook pancakes, but this time between giggles and kisses (And a lot of burned pancaked that got forgotten).

Ko-Fi

–

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @heck-im-lost// @k9cat // @stilljittery // @romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired // @demigodnamedathena // @sevencrashing // @jemthebookworm // @sandersandthesides // @penguinkool // @georganabanana // @ao-koshka // @dangerous-doodle // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts // @marshmallow-the-panda // @flix-net // @omni-hamiltrash // @an-absolute-failure // @mason-does-a-thing // @iceoblivious // @fandermom //

#ts spoilers #ts fic #mociet #janus sanders #patton sanders #moxceit

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voidselfshipp · 3 years

Text

Lucky To Have Eachother

Cw: swearing, food, ask to tag

Ok to rb

Taglist: @girlboss-mrsschnee @lilacslovers @imaginesforallkindoflove

Jerico got into wrenchs garage, as soon as she stepped in she knew it was going to be an emotional day.

After ray Turned his beloved Junior into an EMP bomb the hacker has been trying to rebuild Him.

But with the circuits fried and the data database wiped clean he had to work from scratch.

Jer kneeled besides him, the garage Doors close.

-- fuck fuck fuck!-- wrench throws the screwdriver into the floor.

He sits down turning to his girlfriend-- oh..hey babe.. sorry you had to see that...

She shakes her head and sits with him, putting a hand on his thigh, jerico Gently presses her head against his chest.

--Its not working?

He shakes his head pulling her closer,the mask showing two dashboards in its screen-- Ive been trying to bring Junior back for a month, that EMP bomb was very strong...or I just cant Fix this

Jerico lifts his face up by the chin--hey hey...dont say that-- her accent makes herself present, he loved it so much-- theres nothing my wrench cant do, youre a genius, but maybe you should take a break, Junior wouldnt want to see you stressed

He sighs hugging her just a bit more tightly-- ill Grab my laptop and go to the hackers space, M should be there with the food already, and I told the rest that Id be there anyway

--i like that plan-- he helps her stand up.

Jerico and wrench get into the car as soon as he grabs his laptop.

The drive is silent, the hacker had a hand on his girlfriends thigh all the ride there, in silence with longing stares, giggles and soft music.

The hot summer was the perfect time to turn on the cars AC, wich made wrench eventually hand over his vest to jerico.

Not that he complained of course, it looked good on her.

When they arrived sitara hugged jer tightly-- the two lovebirds arrived, too busy kissing instead of working?-- marcus asked handing them both some pizza.

Wrench just nodds his head and goes to sit on the sofas right Next to the lockers.

--And whats up with wrench?

Jer sighed eating from her food-- its junior, he hasnt been able to bring him back

Sitara and marcus let out a "oh".

--well,if theres someone that can bring our wrench back is you!-- sitara said.

Jerico giggled and goes to sit with her boyfriend.

After eating, they both cuddle there, jer traces invisible patterns on wrenchs clothes as he has one hand behind his head and the other around his girlfriends waist.

They dont say anything, the lights dim, granting some coziness to the place

Jer tugs a nearby blanket and drapes it over them both.

--whats the matter?-- jerico asked.

He shakes his head-- not now babe

Nodding she speaks up-- I understand, can I do anything to make you feel better?

--i dont know...

Jer nodds and puts her hands on his mask-- can I?

He nodds-- y you do know you dont have to ask that after five years togheter right?

-- I know, but I just want you to be comfortable-- jerico lifts his mask up , kissing wrench softly.

He kisses back pulling her closer, a hand on the shaved back of her neck.

He yawns-- I think you should get some sleep-- she says

-- im....fine...no need to--his voice becomes increasily lower--...rest

With that he falls asleep, snoring softly.

Some hours later, jerico is asleep, wrench kneeled besides her covering her up and lifting his mask to kiss her cheek-- sleep tight sweetheart

He stands up deciding to go back to the garage and work on Junior.

When she wakes up, jer helps sitara with some Art for dedsec-- yknow marcus went to pick wrench up, they should be here at any moment

Jerico is about to say someone when wrench bursts in grabbing jer by the waist and lifting her up-- babe babe babe!!!-- he sounded like an excited puppy-- Junior is working again! Hes back! -- he hugs her tightly-- I couldnt have done it without your support babe!

Jer kisses his mask-- thats wonderfull amor!,im proud of you

He lets out a soft laugh and hugs her tightly.

The dedsec members all smile at the scene,but of course work called.

When the day was over wrench and jerico crash at their appartment.

Laying in bed,with Junior recharging in the opposite side of the room with the closet and the TV wrench pulls jerico closer.

-- im honestly so lucky to have you-- he says.

-- no wrench im the lucky one

The Man shakes his head, his blonde short locks draping over his face, he brushes them back, his mask on the nightstand.

--Lets just agree that we are lucky to have eachother yeah?

Jer nodds-- yeah lets do that

They stay in silence for a bit, wrench looks away-- can I ask you something?

--Sure,what is it?

--Why do you hide your accent? You barely speak spanish around us, even thought we all learnt it just because of you

Jer looks away too-- I dont wanna bother

--oh babe, you dont bother,I Love it when you speak in spanish, d d'you mind speaking some for me now?

Jerico shakes her head-- no, para nada (no, not at all)

Wrench falls asleep with her speaking spanish, the calming voice and her accent were music to his ears

Jer followed suit, tired too from todays work.

They were both lucky indeed.

#cw swearing #tw swearing #cw food #tw food #ask to tag #f/o fic #🖤🔥anarchists in love🔥🖤

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honeyhan-123 · 5 years

Text

Say Thank You VIII

Series Summary: Nearly five years have passed since Steve Rogers saves your life without so much as a thank you. When he sees you again by chance, he makes sure that he’ll never let you go and maybe teach you some manners in the process.

Series Warning: This will be a dark!Steve fic with stalking, kidnapping and manipulating as well as non-con and dub-con situations. Please don’t read it if you don’t like that sort of thing.

Chapter Warnings: non con/dub-con (If you don’t like that sort of thing or it triggers you please do not read this), spanking with a belt, getting into some serious gas lighting techniques.

Word Count: 2.8k

AN: Sexy times are here, get ready.

I. New York ~ II. Madrid ~ III. The Apartment ~ IV. The Trip ~ V. The Basement ~ VI. The First Lesson ~ VII. The Waiting Game

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

VIII. The First Attempt

You sat on the bed, your hands forcibly shoved underneath you as you waited, waited for him to go. It was agony, torture in the highest degree, knowing you were so close to freedom but that he might still be upstairs. You couldn’t hear anything outside of what happened in your room and so you had no idea whether he had left or not, but you figured he had been pretty much ready to go after breakfast; he had looked it at least.

When you couldn’t take the waiting anymore, you jumped to your feet, heading over to the wall of windows, dragging the dining table with you as you went. If you stood on it, you would be able to reach them easily. You pressed your palm against the window, at this height you could see the grass on the other side, the way it gleamed in the sunlight, soaking up the sun for photosynthesis. You couldn’t wait until that would be you, lying in the grass, being able to feel the sun on your skin.

Your forehead rested against the cool glass for a moment, wishing you could just be outside already, your lips tugged into a firm line.

Jumping down from the table, you grabbed the small little tupperware container from the bench as you headed over to the bed, stripping the top sheet and lying it flat on the ground before heading to the dining room table. If you were going to make it out of here you would need provisions. You placed the lunch he had left in the center of the white satin before heading to the wardrobe. You tried to gather the most ‘normal’ looking clothes he had given you, not wanting to stick out too much when you were finally free. It would make it easier to hide from him.

Laying the clothes and some toiletries down on your small pile, you briefly reconsidered your escape plan. You knew he would come looking for you, no matter where you went, he would follow. You didn’t even know where you were, the sky outside certainly didn’t look like you were still in Madrid. How were you meant to run when you didn’t know where to start? You were basically committing yourself to a life on the run from America’s hero. Is that what you really wanted?

No, it wasn’t. But it was what you needed to do. Looking back at the dining table you knew you couldn’t continue to be his little doll, not for another minute. You gathered the corners of the sheet, tying them together to form a rucksack of sorts and hoisted it onto your shoulders, heading back over to the table and pressing your palm against the cool glass once again.

It was a welcome relief on your skin as you contemplated the next step of your plan: how to smash the window…

Steve had left nearly as soon as he had locked the basement door behind him. He knew that if he stayed, even for another five minutes, he would never leave. Opting instead to spend his day with you, maybe playing a little board game or sitting on the couch next to you, listening to you read your newest novel aloud. He loved the sound of your voice; the way your sweet, luscious lips curled around the words as they came out in your melodic trill.

It had been torture in the highest form pulling away from you that morning, the ache between his legs begging him for a release and the sight of you, barely clad in what was his new favourite nightgown of yours. Oh how he had wanted to ruin your body for everyone else, ravishing you over and over again until you couldn’t walk anymore. But he had to wait, he needed your first time to be when you were ready, it would set the tone for the future of your relationship. But god was it hard to walk away from you, the way your hair was splayed across the satin sheets he had splurged on, just for you; the way you had felt so right in his arms, your body pressed against his warming him from the inside out.

Suffice to say, his shower was a long one.

He couldn’t believe that he was really doing this, really leaving you at home, alone. You had been so well behaved the past few days, nearly always following his orders straight away. Sometimes, he could see the resistance in you, hidden behind duplicitous eyes. The sight always made him shudder, sadness creeping over his skin. You were his and he just had to wait until you realised that too, until you accepted that. Maybe that article he had read was right, maybe he had to break you before you could claim you but he hadn’t wanted to do that. He just wanted you to be his right away.

With one last glance at the basement stairs that led down to you, Steve forced his legs to carry him to his garage and drive away, all the while questioning whether or not you were really ready to be left alone.

His internal monologue had lasted all the way to the abandoned warehouse the team had been using as a headquarters, all the way through Sam’s debriefing of the mission he had missed out on and all through Nat’s threat assessment of a new up and coming cartel down in Ecuador. He knew he should be paying attention, he was the Captain of this team for crying out loud, yet every word spoken in the meeting had just flown in one ear and out the other. It was only when he heard the familiar chime of his cellphone, felt it vibrate against his thigh, that he was brought out of his internal spiral.

His blood turned cold in his veins, his gut sinking to the floor as his phone continued to vibrate in his pocket, drawing the attention of his fellow teammates, all looking at him in wonder, curious as to who could be calling. But Steve knew better. He knew he wasn’t getting a call, everyone who had his number was in the same room as him. It was an alert; an alert that his girl was up to no good.

He excused himself from the table, heading out from the room and pulling his phone from his pocket. He forced himself to wait until he was in his office, behind closed doors before he opened it to the feed from the basement. He watched as you pressed a palm against the cool glass of the window, staring intently outside, the pressure on the glass being what had alerted him.

A breath of relief escaped his lips. This he could deal with. He hadn’t specified that you weren’t allowed to touch the window and if that was all you were doing, that would be okay. It made sense that you wanted to look out the window, see the grass, the way it glittered in the sun.

Steve felt a surge of guilt, it had been a while since you had felt the sun on your skin. Maybe if you were good today that could be a reward when he got home. He would pack a picnic, some dessert maybe, and you could sit out in his backyard on his lawn chairs.

A smile crossed his face as he imagined the scene, it would be the next step to normalising your relationship and he couldn’t wait to take it with you.

He watched as you stepped down from the window, picking up the tupperware container with your lunch as you headed back to the bed. Steve felt a surge of disappointment, were you really about to eat your lunch now? He had barely been gone for an hour, surely you weren’t hungry yet and if you ate now, you would be starving by the time he got back home.

However, to his horror, he watched you strip the bed of its sheet, placing the packed lunch, some clothes and toiletries inside before heading back over to the window, his plans of a nice picnic in the yard ruined as he watched you pick up one of the dining room chairs, lugging it towards the bulletproof glass. Steve knew that it wouldn’t break, no matter what you threw at it but he couldn’t escape the hurt that flooded through his as he watched you try.

When he couldn’t take it anymore; when he felt as though his rage was about to overpower him, swallow him whole, he forced himself to tear his eyes from his screen, heading back out through the hallway towards the garage, a plan forming in his head.

Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you stared up at the sky through the taunting window. You should have known your captor would have reinforced, unshatterable glass windows. No matter what you had thrown at it, the glass remained perfectly intact, not a crack in its perfect facade.

You had given up shortly after breaking one of the dining room chairs from how many times you had smashed it against the window. It had seemed like the easiest thing to throw at it, something heavy and solid yet still light enough that you would be able to get some force behind it. Oh how wrong you were. All those movies where the hero easily smashes the glass by simply throwing a punch at it had lied to you.

You dreaded Steve’s return, you knew he wasn’t going to be happy with you. The broken chair lying by the base of the wall would serve as evidence to what you had done, had tried to do.

You didn’t hear him return, the click of the lock, the clack of his shoes against the hardwood floors. The shower had drowned out all those sounds, the water cascading around you as you scrubbed your body clean, getting it ready for him. In your desperate state you had thought that maybe if you dressed up, just like how he wanted you too, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t be as angry.

You had searched through the wardrobe as you returned the dresses, searching for the opposite type of dress you had that morning, trying your best to look as though you had just stepped out of the forties.

As you washed the last strip of conditioner from your hair, you felt his steel grip around your arm, his other hand forcing the shower off as he tugged you from the warm water. You didn’t dare look at his eyes, too afraid of the rage and disappointment that you were sure you would find conveyed in his clear blue eyes.

He didn’t say a word as he forced you onto the bed, the room unnaturally dark as you glanced at the windows, seeing that a metallic covering had formed over all of them, blocking any light that might have entered the room.

You cowered, trying to cover your body with you hands as he stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes taking in your naked body.

‘S-St-Steve - Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ You tried to scramble up the bed, take his face into your hands, your thumbs running across his cheeks leaving a wet trail behind them.

‘Shut up slut. I don’t want to hear it.’ He grabbed your hands in his, easily flipping your body over, pushing you face first onto the mattress, binding each hand to opposite bed posts with metal handcuffs you had never seen before. You turned your face to him, cheek pressing against the dampening satin sheets, watching as he stared down at you, trepidation flooding through you.

Even on that first day when you had refused to get out of bed he hadn’t looked this mad, his eyes practically ablaze. ‘Steve, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry my love. I promise, I’ll be your girl, your good girl. I’m sorry.’ Your words mixed together, covered by the sobs that wrecked through your body as he circled you, the clack of his shoes against the floor the only sound emanating from him.

‘I’m sorry Doll but the time for promises has passed. Your actions today have proven that you can’t be trusted. I hadn’t wanted it to come to this, I thought that maybe we could just skip over this entire step but apparently not. You need to be broken, only then will you be able to become fully mine like I want you to be. It may take a while, but I’m a very patient man.’ His tone was mocking, poking fun at your attempted escape.

His hand trailed down your back, ever so gently as he spoke, raising goosebumps across your skin. He picked up your hips, forcing you onto your knees as you heard the clink of his belt buckle coming undone. Your eyes squeezed closed, waiting for the zip of his fly to sound through the silent room, yet it never came. Instead, you heard the faint hiss of the leather against the air before it smacked down onto the tender skin of your arse.

You had thought his palm had hurt, but that had nothing on the stiff leather in his hands as it reigned down onto you. Unlike last time, he didn’t make you count, something you were grateful for as there was no way you could have managed it between your shouts, pleas for him to stop. He also didn’t stop at ten like he had last time, continually hitting your skin for what felt like hours as you lay, helpless, at his mercy.

When at last he did stop, the leather ceasing its abuse against your raw skin, you couldn’t form words, not when you heard the zip of his fly you had been waiting for, not when you felt the bed shift as he kneeled behind you or when you felt his fingers against you, swirling in the slick that you had no memory of forming.

You heard his groan, felt his fingers circle against your sweet little bundle of nerves as he pushed his tip against you. His words from that morning apparently flying out the window as he eased in, inch by inch.

Despite the wetness - which you were still confused about - he hurt. It hurt when his thick cock stretched your walls beyond what you could manage, when his tip felt as though it were brushing directly against your womb, when his pelvis met the tender skin of your ass, no doubt smearing the blood from the cuts his belt had caused. Despite all that physical pain, it was the mental pain that hurt the most, the way pleasure wrecked through your broken body as his finger pressed against you, matching the speed at which he rutted into you.

‘I don’t know why I didn’t just start with this. Look at how your responding to me Sweetheart, look at the way your body craves me. Only I can give you this pleasure, only me.’ His breathing was heavy, pulling at your still wet hair, forcing your back to arch despite your hands still being cuffed to the bedpost as he spoke.

You could only moan in response, the feeling of him brushing up against that sweet spot inside you too much to bear. ‘C’mon Sweetheart. You said you were going to be my good girl, so do it. Cum for me. Cum for me now.’

Your body followed his commands, pulsing around his cock, milking it as he emptied into you, his cum spilling out across your lips, down your thighs as he pulled out, a gentle slap - nothing in comparison to his belt - to your ass as he got off the bed, pulling his clothes on.

‘I don’t know how long it’s going to take to make you compliant, but like I said earlier, I’m a very patient man.’ You heard the sound of his footsteps growing fainter as he neared the door, disappearing through it, the sound of the lock clicking as you realised he wasn’t coming back, not for a while at least. He was just going to leave you like this, face pressed against the wet sheets, cum spilling out of your aching hole and your hands tied above your head.

Although you had thought you had used up your entire supply of tears as he had hit you, fresh ones started cascading down your cheeks, the darkness your only company as you cried until sleep could claim you.

Tags will be added in a reblog

IX. The Darkness

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

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kyidyl · 3 years

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Story time! Like an actual true story.

Ok, so my dad has this old car. It’s just like a random family car from 1953. It’s black, it’s rusty, but it’s honestly in better condition than you’d think. Something you need to know about my dad: he came out of the womb wanting to restore a classic car. And if you happen to know me IRL I need you to understand that this makes him so happy that when we finally started it for the first time the other day he was LITERALLY sitting in the seat grinning and bouncing. My grumpy af 6’4 nearly 66 year old father - a bald man with a white Santa beard - was BOUNCING.

Recently he’s started restoring it with the help of a friend of his and I, despite knowing nothing about car and honestly not really being much of a car person I general aside from driving them, have been helping. Yes, of my own volition. It’s nice working on it with him and I like learning new things. His friend is super knowledgeable, and my dad knows some stuff too. Plus my dad and I work well together - we both have a habit of putting things down and spacing on it so we don’t get mad about it and I seem to have a calming effect on him. I like doing projects with him.

So tonight he comes into my room while I’m playing Valhalla and he hands me a stained sweatshirt (it’s cold in the garage and I’d gotten my nice ones pretty dirty while laying under the car the other day, which - btw - exasterbated an Old Person Injury (TM) I didn’t know I had and I could barely walk on Saturday and Sunday. Feeling a lot better now.) and is like “do you wanna come help me flush the fuel line?” And I’m like sure, yeah. This wasn’t a random thing - we took the gas tank off on Saturday and this was the next step. His friend had previously brought over an air compressor and my dad wanted to use it because, well, new toy.

So because my back was still hurting he got under the car back at the pipe that goes into the gas tank and I had the air compressor at the end that goes into the the engine. The idea is that you push compressed air into the tube and it pushes junk out. So we’re trying to do this and NOTHING is coming out. Not goo, not gas, not air. And we’re like “huh wonder why” and then my ass gets the bright idea to try it the other way - push the air through from the gas tank side. And he’s like “yeah let’s try it, because that’s the way the fuel is supposed to go”.

Now fam, I need you all to understand here that I’m a smart person. But in some ways I am *incredibly stupid*. In my defense, we legit though there might be nothing in the line. The tank had been empty and the system had been sitting open for a couple days.

Spoiler: the line was NOT empty.

So I’m up in the engine and my dad is under the car because again, I was still kinda hurting. So I’m bent over the engine holding a plastic bottle over the end of the tube (bout a half centimeter wide inside a normal water bottle), just in case.....hahahahahah.....in CASE something comes out.

My dad gave one puff of that air stream and gas came flying out of that shit so hard that it rebounded out of the neck of the bottle - the small space doing what small spaces do to liquids - and going *right in my face* (I’m mostly fine.). I squeeze my eyes shut and I am not opening them bitches for hell or high water, but it took all of about 49 seconds before that shift started to burn and I made my dad led me inside. I didn’t panic, I just was like “you need to take me inside, I need soap because gas doesn’t dissolve in water. I can’t just wipe this off.”

We get inside and I’ve got my head bent over the sink complaining about how much the gas is burning my skin (this entire thing probably has only taken like 1-1.5 minutes at this point because my ass remembered from the six semesters of chem basically what to do when you get hydrocarbons places they shouldn’t be. But then.

THEN.

What do I do, I who has my face over the sink washing with dish soap because it was the closest thing in hand? I try to clean the corner of my eye and I get DISH SOAP IN MY EYE. It worse than the fuckin gas and I screamed. Like gas in the face and skin starting to get chemical burns? No problem, calmly ask for a towel and to be led to the sink. Lil soap in the eye? Scream at the top of my lungs and then try to explain to your very worried parents why you’re screaming.

And this will tell you all you ever need to know about my personality: I’m hung over the sink in pain covered in gas and I’m like “hey dad I told you that would work. So much for there not being gas in the line.”

I manage to clean up enough that I can see out my left eye so I go take a shower and continue to clean the right one with the soap in it and I’m fine except for your basic like soap in the eye nonsense and I checked the internet as you do to make sure I’d done everything. So I go downstairs and I’m like “dad I’ve named your car”

“I don’t really name my—“

“IVE NAMED THE CAR. It’s going to be called Sleipnir - the black horse of Odin, the ONE EYED *points at inflamed soap eye* god!”

#personal #random stories from my life #stuff I think is funny

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violetsmoak · 4 years

Text

Pieces of April [15/?]

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099044/chapters/50202530

Summary: On the anniversary of his death, Jason’s second life takes an abrupt new turn and he’s faced with a challenge that neither Batman nor the All-Caste prepared him for.

Rating: PG-13 (rating may change later)

Author’s Note: Here's your daily reminder to stay inside, wash your hands and not to hoard toilet paper! As a reward, enjoy another chapter of POA, featuring sass, subtle and not so subtle inklings of romance, and off-screen appearance of another Bat!

First Chapter

________________________________________________________________

After two movies and being so distracted that Ives kicks his ass at Mario Kart, Tim returns to his apartment. It’s not very late in vigilante time—two o’clock, as promised—and he’s sort of half expecting Jason to be still awake when he gets back.

The older man is sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping absently through the channels, eye flicking to the baby-monitor beside him every few seconds like he’s prepared to jump into action if he hears a cry.

“Has she been keeping you up?” Tim asks as he strides over.

Jason blinks blearily at him. “No.”

“Then why don’t you grab some sleep while you can? There’s no point staying up if you don’t have to.”

“First of all—fuck you. Second of all, that’s rich comin' from the family insomniac. And third, I’m havin' trouble shuttin' my brain off, okay? It’s still tryin' to figure out if I didn’t accidentally travel to another alternate reality of something.”

A sharp, distorted cry echoes over the monitor and Jason really does jump.

“Stay put,” Tim tells him, already heading for the stairs. “I’ll get her.”

It’s still surprising when Jason listens to him, which Tim puts down to being in a desperate situation. He hopes that having someone else in the apartment to help with Isa will diminish whatever anxiety has the older man wound so tight.

Once upstairs, Tim slips into the guestroom and scoops her into his arm, wincing at the shrill squealing cry. After a quick check of her diaper—blessedly empty—he carries her still crying form downstairs to prepare a bottle for her.

Jason winces when they appear and—he doesn’t really run away, but he makes a hasty exit over the stairs.

Tim huffs under his breath. “It’s not like she’s a bomb, Jason. Geeze.”

Though she is doing an excellent job imitating a percussion grenade while they wait for the bottle of formula to warm up in the microwave, so maybe there are some similarities.

“It was thirty seconds, not thirty years, calm down,” he grumbles as she latches onto the plastic nipple like a starving animal.

He watches her nurse for a few minutes, brows furrowed and mind on Jason.

I know he’s still adjusting, but at some point, it’s got to start sinking in, right? I mean, he’s not even planning on keeping her, it’s all temporary, so there’s no reason for him to be this out of it.

Unless there’s more going on than just a surprise baby—which, given Jason’s past and present activities, could very well the issue.

I wonder how hard he’d punch me if I suggested he talk to someone about this?

Not Dick, obviously; calling him has always been one of Tim’s major avenues of support when he’s going through hard times, but he knows Jason would rather crawl through broken glass than open up to his predecessor.

Sometimes I think Jason’s relationship with Dick is a hundred times more complicated than it is with anyone else in the family…

Isa gives a dissatisfied whimper and turns her face away from the bottle. Tim frowns, seeing that she’s barely drunk a quarter of it, and tries to tempt her to take another, but she refuses, already going dozy and limp with sleep.

“Really? After all that? You raise holy hell and you don’t even finish it?” He snorts. “You really are his.”

It’s an effort to get the sleepy infant to burp, but he manages it; she passes out before he’s even made it back up the stairs and back to Jason’s room.

Despite having explicit permission to enter without knocking, Tim’s still uneasy broaching Jason’s personal space. Especially since Tim can tell he’s not asleep, even if he’s lying on his bad, holding a pillow over his face like he’s trying to block everything out.

Tim carefully arranges the baby back in her basket-bassinet, and quietly asks Jason, “Need anything else?”

Jason mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "Another life", and turns his back on both Tim and the baby.

And really, what can he even say to that?

It’s a problem for some other time.

Tim takes a quick shower, before faceplanting onto his unmade bed. The exhaustion he’s been ignoring for the past day or so finally hits him, and he passes out without even getting up to turn off the lights.

By some miracle, he gets six hours of uninterrupted sleep before his alarm goes off later that morning. He doesn’t feel fully rested, but he gave up on chasing that sensation two Robins ago.

After dressing and taming his hair (it might be time for a haircut soon), he spends an extra ten minutes checking the bruises on his face—they’ve gone from dark purple to blue—and applying a liberal amount of cover-up. A beat later, he adds a bit of eyeliner as well, to give an appearance of alertness that he doesn’t quite feel.

Heading downstairs his nose twitches as he becomes cognizant of an unfamiliar smell.

Of...someone’s cooking?

He finds Jason in his kitchen, flipping pancakes. The baby carrier is in the middle of the kitchen island, Isa sleeping soundly in a cocoon of blankets.

Instead of asking Jason why he’s cooking, Tim grabs a coffee cup from the cupboard and turns on his Keurig. “How was the first night?”

He doesn’t expect Jason to respond beyond irritated grunting, and so is surprised when he answers.

“Took me an hour to fall asleep,” he says. “Then at four she woke me up…then at six…and then just now. So, I decided, screw it, I’m hungry anyway. And about the only thing you have all the ingredients for are pancakes.” He shoots Tim a judging look. “I don’t even think you have maple syrup. It’s a disgrace.”

“I think there might be corn syrup in the pantry?”

“Disgrace,” Jason repeats.

Tim ignores him and glances at the two dozen pancakes he’s caught sight of behind Jason’s bulk. “Exactly how many people are you feeding?”

Something that might be a blush darkens Jason’s cheeks.

“I may have gotten a little distracted,” he admits defensively. “But I needed something mindless to do and it worked, so just…shut up and eat.”

He shoves a plate with three pancakes at Tim, who doesn’t have the heart to tell Jason he doesn’t really eat breakfast. Instead, he goes looking for the much-maligned corn syrup and takes the smallest pancake he can find in the bunch.

It’s only polite, after all.

Isa starts to whimper again and Jason groans. “There is no way you’re hungry again, I just fed you.”

Instead, he carts her over to the coffee table—the vintage Henredon table Tim actually spent a couple of weeks tracking down because it resembled one his parents had when he was a child—has since yesterday seemingly become the chosen changing station.

There are piles of fresh diapers and wipes spread out on it, clearly from earlier changes, and there’s a pail next to it, along with the detritus of the packaging it was in.

“That can’t be sanitary,” Tim says. “Or environmentally friendly.”

“Yeah, well, your highness can shell out for cloth diapers and hire a service to clean them if that’s your issue.”

Tim rolls his eyes but wisely doesn’t reply to that, instead busying himself with finishing off the giant pancake and a much-needed cup of coffee.

“Ugh,” he hears Jason say after a while. “Are we sure this is a human child? Because what’s coming out of her doesn’t look human.”

Tim chokes on a large lump of pancake and glares across the room. “Yes, thanks for that while I’m eating.”

“As if your stomach hasn’t been tested by many a murder scene.”

“Never while I was eating,” Tim grumbles and pushes his plate away. He hunts down a travel mug for his second much-needed cup of coffee and then grabs his messenger bag from the hook on the door.

He’s halfway headed for the garage when he pauses and considers Jason again.

“Do you need me to stay?” he asks. “I mean, it’s the first day you’re doing this, so—”

“I don’t need you holding my hand, Drake,” Jason deadpans, “especially since you’re not going to be here during the day anyway. No point in getting used to a crutch.”

Tim isn’t sure he likes that comparison.

“You sure?”

“I figured out how to defuse bombs, I can figure this out.”

“Okay…but Safiya did give you her number, right? You know there’s no shame in calling her if you’re stuck.” That earns him a withering glare. “Just saying.” He offers Jason a mock-salute. “Enjoy learning how to baby.”

“Fuck you.”

“Language!”

“She’s two days old, she doesn’t know what the hell I’m sayin’.”

“A-plus childcare, Mary Poppins,” Tim mutters—under his breath because he doesn’t actually want to be punched this early in the morning—and finally leaves.

Once at the office, he falls into his usual routine—perfunctory greetings to people he should only know by sight but for whom he has done extensive background checks, sitting in a board meeting and chewing out the legal team for not filing their water-filter patent faster (he may have brushed it off to spare people the wrath of Damian, but he fully understands the kid’s anger), a stop at the break-room for a third cup of coffee and to keep an ear out for the office gossip.

Tam is waiting in his office when he finally settles in for the rest of the morning.

“How’s everything going at home?” she asks, closing the door behind her. She hands him his schedule for the day and a checklist of phone calls to return and products that require oversight.

“As well as can be expected,” he replies, sipping his coffee. “It’s an adjustment.”

“No kidding. You go from single, introvert shut-in bachelor to living with Dream Daddy overnight.”

Tim promptly inhales and then spits out very hot coffee, only narrowly missing a stack of contracts that need reviewing.

Tam’s eyes flick to the mess. “I’m not cleaning that up.”

“Why would you say that?” he splutters as his brain frantically tries to reboot after the shock.

“Because it’s not my job to clean up after the functional man-child that is my boss?”

“Not that.” He glares. “Filling my brain with disturbing notions.”

“Is the disturbing notion that I said it, or that you know what Dream Daddy is?”

“The disturbing thing is that you think my—” He pauses, hesitant to use the word ‘brother’ in relation to Jason, if only because it feels wrong for some inexplicable reason. ‘Friend’ is also a gross over-estimation of their relationship. “—new roommate is attractive.”

“Well, some of us have eyes,” Tam shrugs.

“And some of us have criteria for what we find attractive beyond looks.”

“Right. Forgot. You like the dangerous types that try to kill you first and ask questions later.”

Tim opens his mouth to object, and then tilts his head to one side to acknowledge it: given his recent dating history, she’s not wrong. “You forget that type tends to be female. As in something my new roommate most definitely is not.”

“Puh-lease, I’ve seen you when you’re hanging out with Connor. You can’t tell me that’s a hundred percent platonic.”

“It is!”

“If you say so,” Tam replies. “But you forget—I’ve kissed you. And I’ve never felt less spark or even interest in a guy before.”

“Because I was surprised,” Tim grouses. “That doesn’t mean I don’t like women. You’ve met Stephanie.”

“Yeah, but she told me she hit you in the face with a brick the first time you two met.”

“I regret ever introducing you to each other,” Tim groans, pressing his face into his hands. “Look, you’re the one who decided us dating would be a bad idea, so don’t go taking that as evidence that I’m gay.”

“First of all, our dating would be a bad idea, and not even just because of the inevitable involvement of ninjas or Vicki Vale’s byline. I’ve already explained why—which you agreed with at the time. And second of all, I never said you were gay, I said you had a type. Lynx tried to break you with a sword, Connor broke your arm, and as I said, there was Steph…Point is, gender has nothing to do with it, you’re just a masochist.”

“I must be since I put up with you,” he sighs. “Let me be clear: I have no interest, nor will I ever have interest in…my new roommate. And this is so far from the appropriate place to talk about this stuff.”

“And he pulls the ‘boss’ card,” Tam narrates sarcastically. “Fine, I’ll leave it alone. For now. Only because I have a conference call with my opposite number in Hong Kong.” She heads out but can’t resist throwing an over-dramatic sigh over her shoulder. “Maybe if I had the ability to throw you through a wall, you and I would have had a chance. Guess we’ll never know.”

She opens the door to the office, and then she’s gone, leaving Tim to parse the utterly bewildering turn to the conversation.

“How did we even get on that topic?” he mutters to himself, searching his desk for his glasses.

God, she can never find out that Jason tried to kill me that first time we met. I’ll never hear the end of it. Even if she’s completely wrong about all this, I’ll have to deal with knowing looks the rest of my life…

Tim makes a valiant effort to lose himself in his work after that, if only to erase the memory of Jason being called ‘daddy’ by another adult. He cleans up his desk as best he can, wrinkling his nose at the idea the place is going to smell like stale coffee for a while, and then does a quick triage of what work needs to be done now and what can wait.

He manages to lose himself for a few hours, working even through lunch, before setting aside time to wrestle with the current problem in his life: namely, helping Jason find someone to step in and deal with the baby situation.

It’s not like a business deal or falling stock options. A human being doesn’t come with cheat codes or hacks.

Well…not directly.

Tim grins to himself and opens an encrypted server to access to the CPS servers. Jason’s adamant about not working through the system, but that doesn’t mean they can’t investigate families within the system on their own and outside of whatever arbitrary criteria individual caseworkers use to evaluate potential parents. It’s a starting point.

At the same time, he’s using his personal computer that’s linked in with the Nest system to add a few extra layers of protection to Jason’s falsified information. It’s a fairly routine task, but he wants to ensure no one realizes he’s there.

His screen freezes.

O: Do I need to know why you suddenly needed to hack the SSA?

“Almost no one,” Tim corrects himself with a sigh; of course she’s keeping tabs on him.

He types a quick reply:

T: You mean you don’t already?

O: No. I’m waiting for you to be upfront about it.

That would be a definite change from the usual Bat modus operandi. He wonders how long it’s going to last.

T: Precautionary alias for a case.

O: I see.

T: You know if it was anything more than that I’d have reached out.

O: Even if it involves a certain red sheep of the family?

Tim groans, and only just refrains from pressing his palms against his eyes in frustration. Babs’ stance on Jason isn’t exactly clear, and she’s just as likely to give Bruce a heads-up about possible Red Hood antics coming up as wait for him to figure it out himself.

T: Even then. This is a personal thing and I’m handling it.

O: Alright. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.

O: For now.

Which Tim knows from experience will only last for so long; any potential threat in Gotham—and Jason is still occasionally classified as one of those—and Oracle might just take a page out of Batman’s mitigation playbook.

“Problem for another day,” he tells himself.

He’s starting to feel like that’s going to become his new mantra.

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

Your feedback matters! I want to know what you think of my story, so feel free to leave kudos, a comment or as many of these emojis as you want and let me know how you feel!

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#jaytim #timjay #babyfic #kidfic #slow build #slow burn #tim drake #tamara fox #barbara gordon #bringing up baby #original character: luisa ardila #baby isa #baby todd #adulting

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romanosgirl1978 · 4 years

Text

Title TBD II

Okay. So i know its been a long ass time... but Ive had this for almost a year now and quite a bit of progress. So I wanted to post it. Also, as always, thank you @fan-grell-411 for all your help throughout this thing.

This is my first ( i think) Star Trek fic that I’ve posted.

Bones x Reader

Warnings-Cursing

Word Count -1214

Summary- Reader is Jim’s twin and falls for a certain southern doctor. Will they be able to make it through the self-sacrifices and secrets? {Extreme slow burn. This will not be a quick thing}

“So how’d you do?” You asked him as you walked out of the testing facility. You and your brother had both just finished taking Starfleet’s aptitude test.

“Its an aptitude test (Y/N). It's not something that you can fail,” Jim says. “But I think that I did pretty well. The questions seemed fairly simple. What about you, resident genius? How’d you do?”

“Please, you're just as smart as I am. You just choose to act like an idiot.”

“Says the one who stole a police hoverbike and re-registered it,” he whispers in your ear, nodding to the very same bike that you drove to the test today.

“The improved bike that no one is even suspicious about. And besides, I'm not the one that keeps getting into fights. That's all you Jimmy boy.”

“Tch, that's besides the point. Anyway, how do you think you did?”

“As good as I can, I don't really know. Hopefully good enough to get out of this damn town,” you mutter, swinging a leg over the bike.

“You gonna leave me here all by myself, sis?”

“Damn right. Can't stand being near you,” you joke, winking at him as you pull your hair out of your face.

“Yeah yeah. You gonna be home tonight?” He asks, voice suddenly serious.

You nod. “I should be. I'll send a message if anything changes though.”

He wraps an arm around your shoulders and kisses the top of your head. “Be safe.”

“Never,” you grab the wireless headphones and put them in, starting your favorite riding playlist, before revving the bike and driving out of the parking lot.

A short drive later brings you to the sketchier part of your little town and into the tattoo parlor.

“Back so soon sweetheart?” The owner, Matt, asks when he sees you walk in.

You smile at him. “Sure am. I just finished my aptitude test and wanted to finish off the rose before I get shipped to Starfleet.”

“You got accepted already?” He asks, shocked but proud.

“No. It's not official yet. But I think I did and there's no way in hell I’m letting anyone else finish your masterpiece.”

“How long have I got you for then?”

You grin at him. “Until you finish. We’re completing it today. What do you say, you up for it?” You ask, holding up the oversized tee-shirt you always brought for your sessions.

“You’re on. Think you can handle the pain sweetheart?”

“Have I ever not been able to?”

“Come on,” he heads back to his work station and sets your chair up, patting it once he's done. “Go ahead and change, get comfortable. Call me when you're ready,” he smiles at you before walking out, letting you change and shift around.

“Alright Matty. I’m ready.”

“You're sure about this?” He asks one last time.

“It's a bit late for that dont you think,” you say, lifting the shirt to the top of your hip to show an outline of a rose from your last session here. “I mean we've already got the outline for it done.”

“Alright then, let's finish it.” He pulls his chair up beside you and tests the machine a couple of times before steadying your leg. “Let me know if I need to stop for a minute so you can catch your breath alright? No toughing it out for the whole session this time. It's gonna take a few hours to shade all of this.”

You nod at him. “I promise Matt. Now let's get started.”

“Ma’am yes, ma’am,” he teases and starts shading, the only thing that keeps you from hitting his shoulder.

Through the whole four hours that it takes to shade you only need to take three breaks, mostly to use the bathroom, and it's over.

“All done sweetheart,” Matt says, dabbing a paper towel at the excess ink that surrounds the rose, cleaning it up the best he can. “What do you think?” He asks a bit nervously.

You slide out of the chair, wincing a little when you put too much weight on your leg, and limp over to the full length mirror.

“Oh wow.” You blink a few times and admire the artwork. “Matty. This… this is beautiful.” You turn to him, tears in your eyes. “I seriously can't thank you enough. I love it.”

He beams and nods. “I’m glad. Hope you don't mind the vines and thorns I added. I thought that it fit with the rose, and with you.”

“Of course I don't mind. It's your artwork. And it's just… it really is perfect Matt.”

You walk over to him and give him a hug. “And just so you know. I will never go to anyone else for a tattoo. It will always be you.”

“Thank you, (Y/N). That means a lot to me. But I’m really glad you like it. Would you mind if I got a picture of it for my portfolio?”

“Have I ever said no to that?” You tease, wiping the tears from your eyes as you pull away from him.

“Jump back up on the chair and I’ll go grab the camera.”

You do as he says and take a deep breath.

He snaps a few quick pictures and lets you pull on some sweats.

You leave him a nice sized tip and give him one last hug before you leave, finally headed back home.

You park your bike in the garage and quietly sneak in through the back door, heading straight up to Jim’s room, knocking on the door quietly before slipping in.

“Hey. You still up?” You ask quietly.

“Yeah I’m still up,” he groans. “Been waiting on your sorry ass to get home.”

He sits up in the bed and slides back against the headboard, giving you enough room to sit down. “What the hell took you so long?”

You sit down and grin up at him. “I finally finished it.”

“Finished what?”

“The rose. The tattoo that I got the outline for like a month ago. I got it shaded today.”

His eyes widen and he looks to the door. “You’re joking right? Jack’s gonna flip when he finds out,” he whispers harshly.

“Relax,” you tell him, rolling your eyes. “He’s not gonna find out. It's in a covered place and I’ll hopefully be leaving for the fleet in a few weeks. If he ever does find out it's gonna be too late.”

“I can't believe you actually got a tattoo,” Jim mumbles.

“A few actually,” you correct.

“A few?!”

“Shhh. You're gonna wake someone up.”

“How many do you have?”

“Just three, including the rose. I’ve been getting them for months now. And he's not gonna find out about them. Plus they won't show in the uniform so I won't have to worry about it being unprofessional either.”

He runs his hand through his, already messy, blond hair.

“And they call me the trouble kid,” he fumes.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It's cause you get caught and I don't,” you grin at him and kiss his cheek. “Night J. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night,” he sighs, laying back down as you head down the hall and into your own room, muttering an ‘unbelievable’ before you shut his door completely.

#bones #leonard mcco #leonard mccoy x reader #x reader #bones x reader #star trek #star trek aos #star trek x reader

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sumbum101 · 4 years

Text

Big Bad Wolf; Table for Two

youtube

Mark’s bike effortlessly sliced through traffic, he navigated the highways like he drove them everyday. Did he, I thought? The bike dropped a gear and took a steep turn, my legs hugged his hips as my fingers tangled into his leather jacket. A half gloved hand patted my knee, “I’m ok,” I shouted over the bike; I flashed him a thumbs up. The bike picked up again and before I knew we we parked in front of the pinkest corner I’d ever seen.

“You like it?” Mark said removing his helmet and gloves, “This place reminds me of you.” I sat there, looking between Mark and the little all pink pastry shop. “I love it, how on earth did you find this place? Mark chuckled and I felt it vibrate through his back, I only then realized I was still holding onto him. “I googled top 10 places to bring your girlfrie-“ Mark was quickly cut off by my playful shove, why was he so bold? “Such a flirt, I bet this is where you bring all your girls.” I said hiding a laugh. Mark bit his lip and glanced down, “Actually no, I don’t generally bring any girls....this is kind of a first.” He said, exiting the bike and extending his hand to me. He had to be blowing smoke, right? I mean look at him, all covered in leather and wind blown, his smile could sink an entire ship. On the other hand, I think I’m blushing again- damnit. “So, I’m you’re one and only; even after I pepper sprayed you?” I said taking his hand. “When are you going to let that go; you’re messing up my street cred!”

The cafe’s chime alerted our arrival, “Welcome!” Said a petite woman with a high curly ponytail, her warm eyes narrowed at the two of us; I bet we are an odd sight in such a quiet little spot. “Feel out of place yet?” Our table was adorably set for two, only pink and white peonies separated us. Mark’s bike sat to our left and I had to laugh, he was such a trooper. “Well, you get an A+ for atmosphere.” I sipped my black tea and gave him my best smile. Mark folded his arms and leaned onto the table, his bangs fell into his face- god this man is gorgeous. “How’s classes?” His fingers thumbed over one of the flower’s petals. “Busy, I just took an oral exam last week. I have one more dissertation for my psychology class then, I’ll be on winter break! I’m hoping to get ahead in my Honors Abstract Algebra, I could use the 2 weeks to help brace for impact. ” Mark rubbed the back of his neck, “So when do you find time to unwind Vanessa?” I willed myself to not stutter, my name sounded perfect on his lips. “Whenever the local bad boy decides to pick me up by the campus stairs”, I laugh and sit my cup down. “Here you are,” said the waiter with the high ponytail. She placed a box of mixed treats in the middle of the table.

“Oh my goodness, look at how beautiful!” The assortment was every bit as colorful as an bouquet. “My eyes can’t settle on just one!” Mark scooted his chair closer to the table, “Close your eyes.” His voice held the tone of a smile; I closed my eyes. The pastry shop was alive with a steady hum, so many faint conversations happening at once; I could finally make out the tune playing over the speakers.

“Open”, the command was simple and yet it made my thighs rub together. “Let’s try this one,” Mark sat the treat on my tongue, it was one of my favorites; Earl Grey. “Iv’s dewicious.” I said trying to catch all the filling, Marks thumb traced over my lip cleaning the cream- it caused me to startle and then ease into his touch. His hands were so soft, I dared to peek an eye at him. He was casually sampling the Macaroon filling from his thumb, he held my gaze and tsk’d. “You just do what you want don’t you? I say close and you say open.” The two of us shared a laugh.

“So, what do you do?” I asked scooting the box of sweets in his direction. Mark looked past me and paused. “I’m an Entrepreneur.” I batted my lashes at him, “Wait, are you serious?” “Mhmm, I’ve been doing my own thing now for about 5 years now.” I swept some curls behind my ear, “I have so many questions.” Mark kicked back in his chair, “Shoot.”

“So, you own several several garages and auto shops, you’re business is like a hub for custom imported parts?” I asked intrigued, he was just so young. “Yup, something like that.” He said flashing a cheeky smile. “I bet your parents have to be so proud.” A dark shadow fell over his features at the mention of them. “I’ll get the chance to ask them one day but, for now, I’ll guess we’ll never know. A gentle rumble interrupted my follow up question. “Sorry, I have to take this; do you mind?” I nodded no and took another sip of tea.

“Yes?” Mark said standing on the sidewalk, his fingers tapped impatiently against his leg.

“He’s been spotted, you know where to meet me; be here in 20.” The female voice said ending the call.

“Heh, duty calls.”

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snow-slayer · 4 years

Text

A Bunch of Good Things from 2019

*I don’t do things consistently, so there’s chunks of time I just forgot to write. So the blank spaces are days where I could not recall the exact good things that happened.*

January 1: Started the year off right by hanging out with @nah-young, eating some delicious leftovers from New Year’s Eve and working on a puzzle. Also caught a shiny Delibird in Pokemon Go as the first catch of the year. 2: Had a headache at work, but went home to take care of myself. Dad and I talked for a long time about money and taxes without arguing. I have also discovered a future hobby I want to get into: 3D printing. 3: I cranked out four solid hours of studying. I’m going to ace the Auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel it in my bones (especially when I finally stood up and stretched). 4: My ‘other mom’ (one of my best friend’s mom) took me out for a belated Birthday lunch to our favorite Thai food place, and I enjoyed more mango sticky rice. It’s one of my new favorite desserts. 5: Did some epic New Year cleaning. Caught up on laundry, filed away my 2018 paperwork, and did some 2019 taxes. Finally on top of things! 6: A puzzle day! I connected a big piece of the sky to the side on the Lion King puzzle. I’ve still got a lot to go, but progress is being made. 7: As usual, I both surprised and pleased the teller at the bank when I moved some money from savings into my IRA. They wanted to know if it was for tax year 2018, but I could tell them last year was maxed out and it was for 2019. 8: Got to practice my training and supervising skills with @arrowhearts. 9: Spent the night at Lucy’s (she’s a cat). She’s the sweetest cat though, and was cuddling in my lap for so long! She even held my finger with her paw for like ten minutes. I love her. 10: It’s been forever, but I finally sat down and played some video games. I’m replaying Arkham Asylum again and really just exploring every nook and cranny I can find. 11: Might have started a new Francis story line ... Whoops :) 12: Helped Jane clear an apartment and acquired many new tools and art supplies to use. 13: Snow! It was snowing before bed, but I still woke up at 5 am to about 4 - 5 inches. Activated my dad gene and started shoveling at 5:30 am (sorry neighbors to the house I was dog sitting at). It’s so pretty out! 14: A quiet day, but I did some work for Jane and gamed some more. Can’t wait to start Arkham City when I get 100% on Arkham Asylum! 15: I took my coworker a basket of fun snacks from Lotte for her Birthday. She’s so excited to try them all! 16: Donated blood today and when I went to get dinner on the way home, I got a free salad! The entree was already free and I ordered a side salad. I pulled out my wallet to pay, but the coupon covered it, too! 17: Treated myself to breakfast on the way into preschool (my new volunteer place since the teacher I followed to several elementary schools is now at). Also ate some amazing home cooked food for lunch with @nah-young before going out for ice cream. 18: Did some very early spring cleaning to prep for my next yard sale and straighten up a bit. 19: Beat the storyline and finished gathering all of Riddler’s trophies in Arkham Asylum. I do still need to finish up the additional content for 100% completion. 20: Working with Jane to help clean out an apartment again and got stencils to use for my art (the ones with shapes of different sizes). I had wanted to get me a set, so I really lucked out. 21: Started reading a book for fun. Lol, I forgot that I can still read non-accounting things for fun. 22: Sent out 1099s at work. It’s always a dreaded part of the year, but it’s taken care of! 23: I started uploading my old Franmouche stories to AO3. I forgot that I’d written 185 pages of them. At least if someone else likes my rarepair, they have lots to read. No guarantees on the quality, but there is quantity. 24: Made fun penguin cutouts for the preschool class I volunteer at. Then studied for nine hours on campus. A busy, yet productive day. 25: Finished watching all my lectures for the next portion of the CPA exam! So much auditing knowledge!!! 26: Panic alleviated. My check engine light had been on for a few days. Usually it’s just a gas cap issue so I was worried, but after readjusting the cap again (which usually fixes it) and an oil change, the light went out! 27: Played some Pokemon Go for four hours with @arrowhearts and Lyla. No Kyogre, but at least we each got a Groudon. Plus, the weather was beautiful for this time of year. 28: I found a dollar today while sweeping the parking lots with my dad! I’m gonna be riding this wave for a week. (Fun fact: my dad and I used to go bike riding on Sunday afternoons/evenings in the local parking garages and look for pennies. We’d always get bragging rights when we found a quarter or more. We still get excited and tell each other of the day’s finds when we find a few coins while we’re sweeping). 29: Had a bit of a headache, but managed to get through it so I could finish the workday. Then I get some well deserved rest. 30: Met up with @nah-young for some fries and ice cream! 31: My annual physical went well! Took care of a couple test we’ve been putting off, too, and they weren’t quite as bad as I thought they’d be.

February

1: I had such a productive day in the office, even for a Friday. Special thanks to @arrowhearts for helping me move all (24 years worth) of our files. 2: Started off the day a little rough and feeling low, but I decided to go up to campus, and I’m so glad I did. I was able to help a bunch of people get to their destination. Also hung out with @nah-young and @arrowhearts in a sketchy room. 3: Technically today (starting at 1 am). Had a great talk with @nah-young about a lot of things including our friendship. Successfully avoided the Super Bowl (which I heard sucked, so that was a good use of my time). 4: Had a really good conversation with my dad for almost an hour. We had some fights earlier in the year, but it was nice to be able to connect some. 5: It’ll be silly to look back on, but I thought I lost a reference letter for a scholarship applicant, but realized I could find it on our shared drive. Such a relief! 6: I tried Duck Donuts for the first time today. One of our board members brought me and a coworker a half dozen each. 7: Caught a Miltank in Pokemon Go! I thought I missed my chance, but there was a special running, so I got it. 8: Just heard we got a new boss at work, so it’ll be nice to be full staffed again. 9: Started working on a painting for @arrowhearts. It might be my first completed artwork of the year. 10: A lazy day, but I flipped through a book on home decorating. You know, to plan for my future house. 11: Officially started working for Jane’s business. We’ll see how it goes, but at least it’s an extra couple of hours per week. 12: Finished a dog sitting job, and I’m super thankful to be sleeping in my own bed again. 13: I gave Lucy, the sweetest cat ever, a piggyback ride and it was the cutest thing ever. I was on my knees and forearms trying to get Lucy to boop my nose when she just climbed on my back and sat down. I rose up on my knees and hands and she did the “i’m not so sure but I’m going to stay here” stand and let me crawl across the floor a while before finally jumping off. I love this cat. 14: Took the auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel much better about this one than I have about the other two. We’ll see on the 26th. 15: Such a busy day at the office! It was productive, but just a lot of work. 16: Even though I just too the other exam, I managed to get a lot of studying done. 17: Mamaw and I got to chat and work on the puzzle for a while. It was nice to hang out with her since I haven’t done son in quite a while. 18: We had some really good food at our investment club meeting today. Sheppard’s pie (like meat and mashed potatoes), salad, this great cracker dip (I have no other details other than feels like sharp cheddar finally shredded with a hint of spice in some sort of sauce). 19: Our new executive director started today. I think I made a pretty good first impression! 20: Started playing Arkham City again. We had a snow day and even my office closed, so I made the most of my day. 21: Lol and today I finished the main storyline of Arkham City. Accidentally, because I was doing side quests, but Batman got mad when I tried to go finish some before the last mission. 24: I am obsessed with Excel, but I figured out a formula so that it would total certain categories even if they weren’t in order. Plus I learned how to make a drop down menu (on two versions of Excel). Guess who’s budget looks beautiful! 25: I caught a Latias in Pokemon Go. Not having much luck with the water legendaries. I wonder if they don’t like me because we picked the grass starter. 26: I passed the Auditing section! (and instead of keeping it quiet, I made a point to tell some people). Then @nah-young and I went to dinner to celebrate our successes of the day and just have a nice chat. 27: Good news: I starved off a migraine that was starting on Feb 26. Maybe this new method will help them from getting bad. Just took an Aleve with some hot tea. 28: Went on a Pokemon run, and I found $20 blowing across the yard when I got home! A nice find for the year.

March 1: I’ve been really getting into “Ghost Story” by Peter Straub and had so much time to just sit and read while it rained. 2: I watched “Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse” today. An epic movie and I highly recommend it! I also have several new costume ideas... 3: Officially started working on my Library Comic Con cosplay. There’s not much to show, but it was nice to start costuming again. 4: Hiked up to the nearby bubble tea. It was good! I got a mango green tea creama. Next time I know I have to mix it up before I start drinking it. 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: Started replaying Castlevania IV. It’s been a while since I beat it, so hopefully I can still finish it! 11: I have proven myself an Excel deity. Well, at least Jane thinks though. She needed a spreadsheet for something and had some ideas so I whipped it out in five minutes flat with a bunch of formulas she didn’t even know were possible. I’m quite proud of it. 12: Lol, speaking of excel, I was geeking out over my budget with one of our board members. She was showing me how she built her itinerary in excel for her next trip and I got to show off my budget. 13: 14: 15: It was fake St. Patrick’s day at work, so I got to show off my green Riddler suit. Apart from being mistaken as dressing like a leprechaun a few times, I received a bunch of compliments on it. I’ve gotten a lot of use out of that suit jacket. 16: Tagged along with @nah-young to her grandfather’s birthday party and watched Bohemian Rhapsody. Apart from the timeline inaccuracies, I really enjoyed it! Look at that: two new movies in one month. 17: First big leaf job of the season. I guess the first major landscaping job. Dad helped out, so it made life easier. 18: Investment club meeting went well, and I ended up staying late to chat and help clean up, but it was enjoyable. Also had some great tiramisu from Trader Joe’s. 19: 20: 21: It was a downpour today, but I also made a 20 minute Costco run. Parking was great, the lines were short, and I managed to balance everything without a cart. Success! 22: Finally got around to doing invoices. It’s such a weight off my chest to take care of them. 23: I had the house to myself, so got ample studying done, played some pokemon, and treated myself to some bubble tea. Got myself a bunch of good pokes from Community day. 24: Another lovely day to sit and hang out with @nah-young. I always enjoy our hour long conversations just sitting in my car in her driveway. I also finished the lectures for the BEC portion of the CPA exam. 25: I found a gift card loaded with $30 today. It had been thrown into the dumpster, so a little gross, but it washed off nicely. 26: Ran up to the local library to turn in my books (look @arrowhearts, I did it the day before they were due and didn’t have to make a midnight run). I wasn’t going to check out more books since I already had some checked out from another library visit (I go to many branches due to my job and often check out a book or two, resulting in cycles of books due at different times), but I did anyway. I started reading Area X, too, and so far, I’m really enjoying it. 27: Our family’s accountants think I’m a bit weird because I was so excited to get my tax papers back even though I owed money. I was just like “cool!” to all the facts and things on my sheets, which is apparently not what they’re used to, but one of the new tax laws works in my favor as small business income is taxed at a lower rate or something. 28: 29: 30: I love Annihilation in the Area X series! I haven’t plowed through a book that fast in years. 31: I was catching up on my business spreadsheets and it turns out I had the most profitable March since I started my business :)

April 1: No April Fools jokes, which is always a huge plus. 2: 3: 4: Took the BEC section of the exam and then clocked in a bunch of hours for the Foundation. Jubilee is almost here!!! 5: 6: The Jubilee is over!!! What a relief! A lot of things went well, and I heard it was a lot of people’s favorite. Not sure what actually happened because I was stationed at check in/out all night, but hopefully the silent auction results are good. Huge shout out to @arrowhearts and @nah-young for getting me through the night! 7:A quiet morning of returning the Jubilee to the Foundation. Plus some other landscaping. 8: I know everyone at work is saying I should take time off, and I didn’t, but I’m actually feeling blessed that I have the physical and mental stamina to keep working on things. Plus, I need to catch up with post Jubilee stuff. 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: Got to talking with my art dealer for a long while and we exchanged headcannons and ideas. 20: Had a nice Pokemon run with @arrowhearts‘ dog. Plus, enough work to keep me out of trouble X) 21: A very busy Easter. I moved a huge mound of mulch. It was half the size of my car. Hopefully the home owner will like it. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31: I’ve been feeling behind, but I finally knocked out a really important thing at work today. Got our annual applications in!

May 1: 2: 3: My gauntlets for my comic con costume look so cool! They’re a little stabby (there’s staples on the inside, although I should be able to tape it down for safety), but overall look cool for a first draft. 4: A long day, but I feel like I was really able to help my friend and her family, which is nice considering how much they do for me. 5: The event that happened wasn’t good, but I’ve been humbled as to how well our house was kept and motivated to try and become more organized. 6: Dad and I were chatting today, and we could even touch on topics in a civil manner. It was quite nice! 7: Just found out I passed the BEC section of the CPA exam! I’m 75% CPA!!! And no cavities were found after my dentist appointment :) 8: Frantically working on my costume, but my head piece looks really good! 9: Mom even chipped in to help. We rigged up a steampunk mask I have (which doesn’t fit on my head right) so that I can actually wear it. 10: I’ve been fasting for Ramadan and I think my body and I are finally on the same page. It was a rough start this year, but I’m looking forward to focusing on being thankful for what I have and working on self discipline. 11: Library Comic Con! My costume is a bit rough, so no final pictures, but I have plans to make it better! 12: It was a busy Sunday. Lots of lawns, but thankfully the weather was cool. 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: Had a nice meeting with my boss. I keep feeling like I’m not on top of things or she’s disappointed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Plus, she said I did great at the finance committee meeting, so that was nice. 18: Although I scared everyone I worked with all day, I was able to donate blood even though I had been fasting. 19: I saw the tiniest inch worm while I was pulling weeds today. It was more like a quarter inch worm and it was just trying so hard to climb up my arm when I found it. I also saw the first lightening bugs of the year. As a bug type Pokemon trainer, I’m quite pleased with all of this (less so with the mosquitoes though, as I got my first bite of the season). 20: I have found a nice way to keep cool at the property Dad and I work at. I’m allowed to douse my head, neck, and hat with the hose, and man does it feel good! 21: I received many compliments at the executive committee meeting for all my hard work on the budget, the Jubilee, and finance committee. 22: Caught up on reconciliations at work (finally). It’s been just a nightmare, but I’m happy they’re done. 23: Another me day. I’ve been taking Thursdays off and got to game for a bit but also accomplish a lot of laundry and studying. 24: Had a good meeting at work to discuss the future of the nonprofit I work at. Plus I finally made a phone call I didn’t want to make. 25: Went to a foam helmet making class with a coworker. I’m super excited to start trying out this style, and I think the sample we made in class can easily be used to make a helmet for Vile. Might have purchased a few things to go with it :) 26: Found a new drink that I love from Kung Fu Tea! Also got to rewatch Coco, which is always good. 27: Part of my afternoon spent working with Jane was changing her screen saver. It was set up for one photo of pictures, but some were so fuzzy, so we set up new pictures and I got to add my fuzzball to the reel. 28: I visited one of Jane’s friends to discuss dog sitting and we had such a nice conversation afterwards. 29: I found a four leave clover today while mowing lawns. It’s been years since I’ve found one, so that was exciting. 30: I plowed through about 6 hours of studying for the FAR portion of the CPA exam. Only two more lectures and then onto multiple choice! 31: Filled out a form at work (finally). Now I just have to hope my boss will sign it and have it notarized.

June 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: Took the (hopefully) last CPA exam. It was nice as I spoke to an elevator engineer before the exam and it helped to calm my nerves a bit. 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: Wasn’t sure what day to put this on, but @nah-young and I hung out for hours just sitting and chatting on the cats’ back porch. 15: Successfully navigated into DC with the help of @arrowhearts (and had an interesting laugh about her being my son...? Oh well, at least we got to give the people sitting outside a show as we left the building with two rollie office chairs each). 16: Started working on my Halloween costume. I’ve abandoned the idea I originally had and will be switching to a different Mega Man X character (fun fact: it was a costume I originally intended to make before being introduced to Scaramouche back in 2017) 17: It was a scorcher, but had a slurpee for the first time in almost a year. I’m so thankful for the 7-11 within walking distance of where my dad and I work on Mondays. 18: I’ve officially passed the CPA exam! Now onto the next steps... 19: I have been struggling with telling people good news, but I did make an effort to inform some people about me passing the exam. 20: Told some more people about the CPA exam and just trying not to stress. I got celebratory milkshakes for my family after dinner. 21: My coworkers are so sweet. They brought me in a cake and we had a mini celebration. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26:Found a praying mantis while mowing. She kept standing where I wanted to mow, so I got to pick her up and put her somewhere safe (with lots of snacks for her!) 27: 28: 29: So glad I went to see Detective Pikachu with @nah-young and @arrowhearts! I really enjoyed it! 30: 31:

July 1: A new fiscal year! I did manage to get a good bit done on my latch hook. 2: A sudden thunderstorm took me off the weed pulling job early (i.e. a perfect opportunity to read). 3: It was quiet in the office. Too quiet ... yet super productive! I processed so many gifts and letters. 4: I don’t really celebrate, and spent a lot of it working, but played some pokemon in the rain. It was a warm day, so the cool rain felt so refreshing! 5: A jammed packed day with trashrooms, a bank run, and more pokemon quests! I completed another 15 and hatched a new pokemon. Plus I finished another book: Dr. Death. 6: A busy day, but I was able to finish everything so I can take the next day off completely (for once). Again, apologies to @arrowhearts for dragging you out and getting caught in a downpour so I could get some bubble tea! 7: 8: 9: 10: Unboxed my unicycle! Not sure when I’ll ride, but it’s ready when I am. 11: 12: 13: 14: The vanity is back in my bathroom! Dad’s renovating it, and it’s been a slow process, but I finally have a sink! 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: Spent a few hours working on cleaning the basement, and I’m finally seeing some of the fruits of my labor. 21: 22: 23: 24: Officially finished the Vile helmet! 25: Just started a new dog sitting job, and the house is right on top of a pokestop. Guess I’m going to have a full item bag again! 26: Finally got myself a memory stick for my PSP. I’m replaying the Maverick Hunter X game ... because I can! 27: Got three team rocket grunts in one day at the one stop. 28: Plowed through the Vile portion of Maverick Hunter X. Lol, I probably make it harder on myself since I only use my favorites, regardless of if they’re good against the boss. 29: Had a huge crab and shrimp dinner at Jane’s house. 30: Hung out and ate delicious homemade butter chicken with my best friend’s mom (she’s basically like my other mother). We laughed and chatted, showed off our latest projects, probably kept the neighbors up, and just had a good time until like 2 in the morning. 31: Welp, it wasn’t a raid day for armored Mewtwo, but @arrowhearts and I did defeat more Team Rocket Go grunts in the rain.

August 1: Chatted with @nah-young for a few hours and I’ve got a new place to eat on my radar! 2: I kept feeling like I was letting my boss down because I couldn’t answer her questions/didn’t understand, but she insisted I was handling myself well, and found the information she needed later. Plus, she’s very complimentary of my work and appreciates my transparency and work ethic, both of which I work hard on and value. 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

September 1: 2: 3: It’s official! We’re having a Halloween party at work. If my new schedule turns out, I’ll be at work on that day and will show off a costume. Not sure if it will be the one I’m working on, but I can always recycle an old one. 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: I had such a good ripstik run. @nah-young and I practiced for a good while yesterday (and she did her first trick, too!). I guess it’s nice to see the fruits of our practice since we’ve been working off and on for about a month. 16: Had the investment club meeting at my house. I didn’t get to cook everything, but I picked the recipe and it turned out well! 17: I finished “Every Tool’s a Hammer” by Adam Savage (from Mythbusters) and I really recommend it. It’s such a great book for anyone who makes or creates. It’s a fun read and chocked full of helpful hints. 18: I decided to start reading the Naruto series. I’m enjoying it so far! Now I just have to wait for the next to volumes to be available from the library. 19: I started replaying Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase. It’s amusing, although I’m a little rough. 20: 21: 22: 23: I’d been on the fence about taking a vacation early next year because I want to save up for a down payment, but after talking to my dad, I decided I’d do a little something. I still need to work out the plans (and make sure the people I want to visit are free), but I’m looking forward to it! 24: 25: 26: There’s a chance I might be going full time at my office job, so dad encouraged me to take the day off from trash rooms. I still got up early, but knocked out a bunch of chores, finished Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase, finished a drawing, and cleaned in the basement a bit. 27: Lol, I just realized I have three cycles of books checked out again. I started reading The Wicked Years series. I’m trying to set aside time each night so I can read a chapter or two before bed. 28: I made the pattern for my gauntlets! I’m actually trying to do it the right way and making measurements, creating an accurate template, and just generally taking my time. 29: Part 2 of the gauntlets: They’re made! My template worked and I spent a couple of hours slowly forming and shaping them. I still need some practice on the gluing component, but at least they feel sturdy. 30: Started replaying DK 64 again. I really love this game. Besides Gauntlet Legends, it’s probably my favorite N64 game we own. 31: Got rained out at work, but managed to take it easy in the afternoon and just generally keep ahead with laundry.

October 1: Today officially marks the first day of working full time at my office job. They added ten hours a week, so now I’m working 4 days at 10 hours each. It’ll take a little adjusting. I’m happy for the extra hours! 2: I sent out invoices on time for once! 3: It was my fuzzball’s 16th Birthday today! Someone also brought in some really yummy snacks to work that were leftover from a meeting. I also managed to create templates for the leg gauntlets and cut them out of foam. I’m just rolling with the motivation now, and would like to have Vile finished by Halloween (keep reading to find out if it was finished). 4: Really just having a good time playing DK 64. Knocked out Gloomy Galleon, so all that’s left are my favorite levels! 5: 6: 7: I have leg gauntlets formed. Lol, I guess I should look up the name... All that’s left is the chest plate and cape! 8: I lucked out! My coworker can’t go to a book signing even this weekend and asked me to get her book signed since I’m going. It was the perfect opportunity to get my hands on a copy of “Where the Crawdads Sing” which I wanted to read before this weekend. 9: Making some headway on the costume again! Arm and leg gauntlets have the plating and base coat of plastidip. 10: I finished “Where the Crawdads Sing” within 48 hours of having it my possession. That’s such a huge accomplishment to read something so quickly and eagerly! 11: I was plowing through my to do list at work. I knocked out 11 items. Woo! 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: My Halloween costume is finished *gasp* before Halloween! Barely, but it counts. 31: I won the most creative costume at work! Well, tied for first, but that’s cool.

November (whoops, I really forgot to write this month) 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

December 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: My coworker is back! She had been on extended leave for a while, but now she’s back. She bring such a positive and fun attitude to the workplace. 13: 14: I’m officially 25! I worked a few hours in the rain, but got a lot done (and saw Lucy, my favorite cat I cat sit). Instead of going to a steakhouse for dinner, which I’m not a fan of, we ended up going to somewhere I did enjoy. Overall, it was a nice and quiet celebration. 15: 16: 17: I finished the Naruto series today! It was a good series, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Going to take a manga break to work on a few novels I have checked out and then decide which series to start. 18: 19: A busy day again. Knocked out two leaf clients for the year and went to see three bands perform at a local music club. I stayed out way too late, but had a great time hanging with a friend, one of the performers, and the performer’s friend. 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: Hung out with my brother and grandmother. I crushed them in several games! 25: Went to my coworkers in the afternoon and dueled for the first time in quiet a while. They wiped the floor with me, but I had fun with my deck destruction deck. 26: 27: Ended up hanging out with Jane for a while and just chatting about everything. We’re seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, so it was nice. 28: Finished my leaf jobs for the year! Time to relax. 29: 30: 31: Welp, ended up being sick and missing out on the intended New Year plans. I guess I did start the year with a migraine, so here I am ending it with one. After I rested up, I did start playing my favorite video game. Plus, I frantically read “Hey, Kiddo!” before the end of the year

Notable stuff

Highlights: Passed the CPA exam Officially hired full time

Books read: “Ghost Stories” “Every Tool’s a Hammer” “Where the Crawdads Sing” “Wicked” Naruto series “Hey, Kiddo!”

Movies watched: Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse Mary Poppins 2 The Princess and the Frog Pokemon Lucario

#2019 in review #2019 #a year in review

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