WAHHHH YAY I GOT MY OTTO KEYCHAIN OFF OF @igucci 'S SHOP ON ETSY!! :'DD

Thank you so so much!! I absolutely love the keychain and the lil extra drawing of Otto too!! <33

art and keychain from @igucci 💚

yippee its that time again, long hc post about dalia YAY ‼️‼️ i wouldve posted this last week but a bitch has been busy working on otha projects yo 🫡🫡 im hustling atm

also i am on an absolute ROLL with these rn because its fun to hc stuff for my favs (WHICH BTW IM ALSO WRITING UP MY HCS FOR ALDRYX SO STAY TUNED FOR THAT >:3)

@beans2cheese ik youre currently lookin forward to this >:3 thank you for being patient w me its much appreciated ^_^

first and foremost we gotta get the neurodivergency outta the way bc my autistic ass loves making all my favourite characters nd,, also shes got social anxiety and depression bc i have social anxiety and depression ion make the rules

also bigender she/him dalia bc im a she/him pronoun using bigender and i said so

ive spoken about my deaf dalia hc before (AND CROW HAS A SIMILAR HC WITH TABI THAT WE TALKED ABOUT TOGETHER ON DISCORD) but turning off her hearing aid whenever noise is too overwhelming or whenever she cant be bothered to deal with people's bs

CRAZY HIGH SPICE TOLERANCE. she and ayana are the kinda people who eat ghost peppers for fun and feel literally nothing at all

chronically late to every single outing with his friends. like tell him to get there in an hour and she will use that time to nap and get ready five minutes before shes supposed to be there

taller than ayana but not by much, boots on, dalia's 5'10/11, without em then he's 5'7

competitive as fuck and will rage at you for screwing her over in board games or video games, expect to hear a plethora of curse words in both english and spanish

generally speaking too dalia has an incredibly short temper (which im pretty sure is canon???) and literally anything can set him off

she and aldryx are sparring buddies you cannot convince me otherwise, hes the one teaching dalia all these nifty tricks and such ^_^ (also shes a kickboxing pro no questions asked)

once dalia tried b-boying to impress ayana and ended up in the hospital with a dislocated shoulder and a bruised ego

🔻: "babe????? are you okay 😭"

🎧: "psshh im fine the sigma grind never dies" (said dalia as she looked away cringing at herself for flopping that so hard)

and trust me, nobody was letting her live that down

has special nicknames for all her loved ones ^_^ they're either something really sweet and sentimental or incredibly fucking stupid

emoticon user!! over text dalia loves using those cute kaomojis (trust me thats not the energy she gives off around other people especially not her close friends)

has a lot of niche interests and will reference something that either nobody knows like AT all or that is something so embarrassingly unfunny that its painful to listen to

🎧: "damn this greedler fanart goes crazy"

📼: "the WHO NOW"

she has the WORST sense of humor ever. literally anything is making this mf laugh

when dalia and ayana first started dating she made an attempt to keep up this persona of just being incredibly suave and chillgoing but the moment aya kissed her for the first time dalia just fucking melted and turned into a complete dweeb right then and there (she looks back on it and is very embarrassed)

OH AND SPEAKING OF HER AND AYA,, café or shopping dates where they just get food and wander around town together not wanting the day to end, bonus if they stay out late and theres a light display going on outside (boy im boutta make ship hcs for them now hold awn im insane)

-ˏˋ FOREVER N THEN SOME! ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader x kozume kenma

cw: pinch of angst (to fluff !!!), romance, slice of life, crying, established relationship!au, timeskip!au

synopsis: in which he’s actually more traditional than he leads on

wc: 2000+

notes from mei!

ive had this idea rattling around my skull for the longest time

sixteen and a handshake. a standard, normal handshake, but still awkward.

you remember how his hand perfectly fit with yours—how his palms were searing hot as they met with your much colder ones.

you remember him, as a second-year, as the setter for the team you cheered for from the stands. you remember his flushed cheeks when you kissed him on the cheek for a first time, watching as his brain malfunctioned as the rosy hues on his face spread to his neck and the tips of his ears.

you remember him, as the captain, worn out and exhausted at your doorstep.

you recall how he slumped onto you, making you somewhat drag him to your room. half because he really was that tired, and half for his own amusement.

you know him. you know him a bit too well and it’s both a blessing and curse.

because you wonder if he’s finally grown out of it—of this.

looking at the empty spot beside you, you think that, perhaps, he really has—the signs are staring right at you. lately, you’ve been sleeping in a cold bed, waking up to yet again another empty penthouse as you figure he’s at the office again.

(you hope he’s at the office, at least).

texts replies are always hours apart. it seems like he’s been doubling up on streams. friday’s that have always been reserved for two since forever, have only had one person attending these past few weeks.

this is sad, your chest clenches dejectedly at yet another morning where it’s only you. looking around, a part of you wishes that kenma’s actually here, that any second now, he’s going to emerge from his game room, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he scratches his tummy.

because even if you both don’t talk as much as you used to, it’s enough for you simply when he’s present. it’s enough for you when he mutters a good morning, waddling past you to go make his coffee before sitting on the couch.

it’s enough for you when he’s here.

the absolute bare minimum can make you the happiest, but you wonder if even that is too much.

twenty-four and you’re still overthinking.

“just talk to him!” your friends say, but truly it isn’t that easy. even if you’ve both promised to be better at communicating, something about this whole situation makes communication feel so much more difficult.

“you’ve been together for so long, you both still aren’t married?” if you’re being honest, it does bother you sometimes and you wonder if maybe, you should just get on one knee instead.

but you don’t. you don’t because you and kenma already both live(d) like you’re married. you both still share(d) that dynamic of being a laid-back couple who deals with problems as they come.

you don’t think about marriage with him because it already feels right. you don’t mind not getting married and honestly, you’re pretty sure kenma isn’t that kind of guy.

you’re startled by someone poking the side of your head.

your head turns to see kenma, brows slightly furrowed as he analyzes you.

you shake your head, sitting up straight on the couch. “’what’s u—wait, aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?”

kenma nods his head, plopping into the spot next to you. “ended early. chat was being rude today.”

your head bobs in understanding as you try to find words to piece together. he must be frustrated, you know a little bit about how difficult it can get as a streamer and you also know him, that if he doesn’t want to be near you or hear you, he simply wouldn’t be.

you smile slightly, “t—”

“why are you so tense?” he questions, leaning back. his eyes study you and you feel like hiding.

“’m not.” you defend, shrinking.

“you are.” he replies, “what’s wrong?”

you hum, grabbing a throw pillow and falling onto your side, opposite from him. “class was hard today. your paparazzi found me at the grocery store—”

“that happened last week.”

you groan, because fuck, you really can’t lie to him. he’s too good at getting you to open up, no matter how hard you resist it.

“it’s stupid.” you pout, covering your face with the pillow, already feeling your wound up emotions spiraling back up to the surface.

kenma’s hand lands on your legs, situating them over his lap. he pats the side your calves, humming. “talk to me.”

“what about you?” genuinely, you feel like right now isn’t the best time to talk about this. “you were just telling me about how your chat was being rude!”

“that can wait.” he replies, patient, like he’s always been. “something’s been bothering you, no?”

yes. you think. but i don’t wanna talk to you about it ‘cuz i’m scared.

“are you tired...” fuck, you think, because once again, he’s getting you to talk. “of—of me?”

he’s always been good at this. somehow always getting you to say whatever’s clogging up your mind. he reads you like an open book and you hate it, because even after all these years, it’s still scary.

it’s daunting, because he knows so much about you. if he wanted to, he could pick you apart all too easily, knowing exactly what buttons to push to make you break and that’s scary. it’s terrifying, even.

you feel his hand, as warm as they’ve always been, slide under the bottom of your loose pajama pants, warming up your ice cold skin.

and the feeling is weird, because you feel like you’re on fire, yet his hand is still so much warmer than you.

it’s comforting. you’ve both always been touch-starved and kenma knows this, he knows this as he traces small shapes on your calves, the hem of your pants riding up a bit.

“why would i be tired of you?” he mumbles, eyes moving to see your face is still very much covered with the pillow.

you shrug, leg twitching under his feathery touch. “you’ve been distant and stuff... i dunno.”

and it feels like he’s back at square one with you. kenma feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner, cursing himself for being so caught up with work (and something else) that he’s been neglecting you.

you’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, only him and your close friends know this.

he notes that you tend to cry even when you both have the smallest fights, and it’s something he’s used to.

so to know that you’re holding everything in, it makes his chest tighten.

“i’m sorry, angel.” he says, quiet. “work’s been busy.”

yes, work is busy. even if he finds it enjoyable, it can get taxing sometimes. but he’s also been looking around for something, something that he needs perfect.

“‘s okay.” you mumble and he knows he’s fucking up even more. “i just miss you.”

he tugs on the bottom of your shirt, “c’mere.”

you shake your head and he ponders on what to do.

because even now, even though you’ve both been together for so long that existing with the other is literally needed, there are times when you both get stuck—where existing together feels more complex than it should ever be.

“please,” he pleads softly, “i miss you.”

and if you’re not gonna come to him, he’ll come to you.

so he leans down, forcing you to hold a bit of his weight as he lays atop you. he pulls the pillow away, wiping the few tears away with his thumb.

he kisses your cheek.

twenty-four, you let yourself cry because you’ve missed him so much. seeing other in the evenings or exchanging a few short words doesn’t do it for you anymore, it never will.

another kiss, but on the other cheek. i’m sorry.

another for your forehead, then one more on your nose. i love you.

your hands cling to him and he smiles, caressing your hair. his head lays in the juncture of your neck, frequently wiping your tears with his thumb.

he makes you sit up, only because he wants to hold you.

with your back to his chest, his warm hand envelopes yours. he doesn’t make you face him, because he knows that wouldn’t make you feel comfortable. 

it’s only when he hears your crying subside, that he holds your chin, making you look him in the eyes.

“are we okay?” he mumbles, his lips so close to yours you can feel his breath.

it still gets to you. he still gets to you like you’re both still teenagers; your heart thumps in your ears, body burning because fuck, he’s really close to kissing your lips.

you nod, “’m sorry. didn’t wanna talk to you ‘cuz i was scared.”

his lips slot against yours and it’s gentle, your mind becomes fuzzy with a warmth only kenma can provide you. he chuckles when he pulls away, your lips chasing his.

“don’t worry about that,” he says softly, “i might’ve accidentally made it harder to approach me.”

you shake your head. “thought it was just my overthinking.” you fiddle with your fingers, “i didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it.”

“next time,” he says, “make a big deal out of it. you gotta talk to me, angel.”

you whine, feeling embarrassed because you’ve gotten this lecture from him so many times.

kenma sighs against your skin, wondering if now is the right time. it feels like a good time, but he doesn’t want to waste a special moment because of a good feeling.

“what’s wrong, ken?” you ask, tilting your head back onto his shoulder.

your eyes are red, you’re still sniffling every now and then.

he smiles, hand travelling to his pocket as he pulls out the ring, holding it in front of you. “this is why i was so busy. t—the box is in my gaming room, though, fuck—”

“is that—”

“w—wanna get married, y/n?” his whole face is red. you giggle at his shaking hand as you hold out your own (shaking) hand.

“yeah. i really wanna.”

and you’re crying again as he slips the ring on your finger. the diamonds sparkles at you and you can’t help but fawn over the ring as you sob.

“crybaby.” he mumbles, kissing your cheek. he nuzzles into your neck, arms wrapped tightly around your midsection. “i love you.”

and it’s here you realize that kenma is a lot more traditional than you thought. memories flood in of him always getting you to watch the first snow with him through his window, forcing you under the kotatsu with him as he shows you a new game he started playing.

eighteen. for your two year anniversary, he took you to a place with love locks. signing one off with you before throwing the key god knows where. and you remember thinking it’s weird, because the month before that, he was telling you stuff like that is kinda phony. 

nineteen. you recall him grumbling about getting into a yukata for the festival, but grumbling even more when you gave in and said you’d both attend in normal clothing, because he’s already halfway in the yukata, why would he change? (he just wanted to wear one with you).

twenty-two. his persistence to keep you awake to watch the sun rise on new years.

you realize kenma follows traditions more than you do and you chuckle.

giggling, you hold your hand out where the diamonds on your left ring finger shine happily, tilting your head to kiss him yet another time.

“i love you.”

change. you know your daily lives aren’t going to be much different, but you both like how your last name will be the same as his.

twenty-four. he proposes to you so casually that some might find it weird. but you both aren’t ones for big gestures. you know kenma loves you, it’s in the way he moves your hair out of your face as he asks you if he can still make it up to you.

and he knows you love him, when you laugh and tell him he already has—when you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss the top of his hand, kenma knows and you know, too.

forever it is.

peanut anon.. this update was really nice to read. ive been dealing w medical issues lately and i initially got my dates mixed up over it and remembered it was today and omg. i love the gentleness of this chapter. i love wanda being the mediator so to speak.. she's an outsider in this whole thing so her perspective matters to her friend. i appreciate her vouching for y/n and their feelings, but also loki and trying to understand his side. acknowledging that even though boundaries were originally established, they were broken/not enough and there needed to be more. its refreshing. thank u for the update!!

Hi peanut anon 💖 I'm sorry to hear you have medical issues. I'm going through some as well, so I absolutely understand how hard it is - especially with the limited availability because of covid. I hope you start to feel healthier soon <3

I'm super happy to hear you liked the chapter! I'm glad y'all seem to like its gentleness (GREAT word to describe the chapter, you get an A+). I was a bit afraid it would feel like a letdown after the excitement from a few weeks ago, but it sounds like that's just what everyone needs right now.

Wanda really is the best, huh? She clearly cares about the reader and is supporting her, but because of her distance from the situation (compared to people like Nat or even Jane + Thor) she is able to look at it with a pretty leveled head. I also just have a lot of respect for asis! Wanda in general - she's been quietly supporting and helping both Nat and y/n through everything they've gone through this year/semester. She's been everyone's rock even though she hasn't really gotten that in return (not because Nat and y/n wouldn't do that, just because there hasn't really been a need for them to). I like to think somewhere along the line, after asis ends, Nat and the reader are able to help Wanda out when the time comes.

Also, we gotta hope that Loki and the reader pull through because can you IMAGINE Wanda as Narvi's "aunt?" She would be AMAZING.

Thank you for the message. I'm always here to talk, even if it's non asis related. If you need a friend, I'm right here <3

ginhiji hospital au??

I needed to get this off of my brain and I can’t draw or write so here it goes... Ginhiji but Hijikata is a nurse working in a hospital and Gintoki is the new resident who comes off as lazy but is actually a really good doctor (which surprises our boy Toushi)

More thoughts under the cut? (I have more thoughts about hijikata because.... i have more experience there LOL)

I’ve been a working nurse for more than half a year now so I kind of know what I’m talking about? (but not really because i’m definitely still a baby nurse that’s still learning OTL) but really im a baby don’t ask me specifics

I got into Gintama super late and I have so many regrets because it’s taken over my life. 

hijikata working in either medsurg, ICU, or emergency because it’s not slow, needs great time management skills and working under pressure /but i have a bias for medsurg because that’s where i am right now... but i feel like he would definitely be the same kind of intense that some ICU nurses i know are... 

he’s definitely the type to not take a proper break at work... would probably eat saltines from the nutrition room 

reason 1: he’s too busy

reason 2: hates to go on break if he has to leave hella shit for the person covering him (so he give all his meds, clean his patients, give pain meds...make sure they NEVER call the person covering him on break) but that also means when things don’t calm down he feels like there’s never an opening for one

meanwhile he will give meds, clean patients, and do everything for whoever he covers for break 

when this happens kondo sends yamazaki to cover him for breaks because you can’t tell patients to eat their food when you haven’t eaten toushi 

is really good at putting in IVs, nobody on the unit even tries to put them in when he’s working they’ll just ask him to do it for them

a charting superuser lol

his brain... impeccable. a work of art. a pinnacle of organization. made his own because the hospital issued one doesn’t work for him

probably looks something like this

note: allows you do just quickly circle things during shift change instead of writing it all down...i would probably make past medical history section bigger though (do i use a sheet like this? no because i am... organized chaos and writing it down helps ME--but toushi probably wants to take as little time possible writing shit down) 

reads his work e-mail, even the newsletters from the hospital

kondo is nurse manager and is a very supportive one (the potlucks!!! tries his best to make sure everyone feels supported at work ; w ;) hired hijikata..

when hijikata is charge, the work is distributed evenly thank god 

also “it’s an hour until shift change and if this patient doesn’t come up in 10 minutes they’re not coming until after shift change” 

everyone asks him for help because he knows all the hospital policies

what nurse isn’t frustrated with doctors lets be real 

exhibit A: “my patient is in TEARS with 10/10 pain and the doctors have the audacity to ask if THEY TRIED TO DISTRACT THEMSELVES WITH ART?” (this is a literal conversation I’ve had with a resident before) 

hates talking to interns because he ends up having to teach them how to do their job 

hates talking to jaded attendings

only attending he likes is shouyo

used to have long hair in nursing school but cut it after his ponytail got into some shit during a bed bath 

still smokes.. kondo hates it because we’ve all seen what it’s done to our patients and you still smoke?

has tried to quit but never works out

gintoki also gets on his case about it

just imagine hijikata in those black figs joggers scrubs UGH 

in this universe they’re called digs because copyright and this is still gintama we’re talking about

these scrubs are unnecessarily expensive so he didn’t actually buy them himself ( “why the fuck would i buy expensive scrubs if i am going to get literal shit on it”).. if left to his own devices he will wear those ugly ass hospital issued scrubs

Kondo and his other friends split the price for the black joggers and a 3 pocket scrub top -- because we all know hijikata puts ALL his supplies in his pockets. he NEEDS pockets

Gintoki thinks his ass looks good in those joggers UGH 

Hijikata won’t admit it but the digs are his favorite pair they are so comfortable. still won’t buy them with his own money though

student nurses are scared of him because he’s intense and asks hard questions, really strict... doesn’t bully but pushes students and orientees really hard

but also any one who can survive being trained by him becomes an excellent nurse

that nurse that’s on top of their shit and THINKS instead of just following orders

“saw his potassium is high. can we do something about that?”

“there wasn’t continuous oxygen monitoring ordered but i put them on because it doesn’t look good. can we get an order for that” 

all the doctors trust him because he’s just so goOD

gets on gintoki’s case about looking like a bum at the hospital all the time

if he EVER catches wind of doctors talking down to his nurses or older nurses bullying the newer ones (which never really happens because kondo is a great manager who fosters a very nontoxic work culture) they will...FEEL. HIS. WRATH. 

also will not tolerate patients treating him (or his coworkers) like shit. will be more professional dealing with patients tho than with the MDs. but if it’s an MD berating a nurse, they better be ready to get their ass KICKED

Gintoki is the new resident along with katsura and takasugi in.... internal medicine? surgery? idk? 

i mostly just wanted write this one: hijikata has a patient in a pain crisis 10/10 pain, given all available pain meds, tried everything possible but still no relief. paged the new resident working with this patient 

hijikata fully expects either a call saying “sorry i can’t order any more pain medicine for this patient” or just another IV medicine ordered with no communication at all 

but gintoki comes into the patient’s room (first thing hijikata notices is unprofessional hair, wrinkled jacket, mismatching socks and thinks this doctor is going to be lazy AF), speaks to the patient with great bedside manner, talks to the patient about pain management strategies and WORKS WITH THEM for a better plan for medication. walks with the patient in the hall and even takes them to the bathroom 

hijikata is FLOORED. because this never happens with MDs.

(this has actually happened and me and all my coworkers were SO PLEASANTLY SURPRISED)

hijikata once sent gintoki a message asking if he wanted to lower the dose for a medication because the lab for it was high 

gintoki thought he was the pharmacist because hijikata is just that good

likes the sound of hijikata’s voice on the phone so he always returns his pages even if it’s just to say “ok i’ll put the order in” 

secretly gets excited when he sees hijikata’s name on the chart under the care team 

one because he’s hot

two because he’s a good nurse

actually learns a lot from hijikata

gets to know hijikata’s bad break habits and gives him a coffee whenever he notices he’s working (but is absolutely disgusted when he brings out the mayonnaise)

“how can you tell your patients to be healthy when you put that shit in everything you eat?” 

hijikata counters with “you can’t tell me what to eat when you’re on your way to diabetes asshole” 

tries to be the kind of MD shouyo is 

being in healthcare is hard so the two of them do drink together if their days off line up to vent....

hijikata complains about dumb MDs (gintoki makes mental notes on how to not be an annoying MD), how busy his days are, and why are we always understaffed... how can we run out of IVs? 

gintoki complains about all the calls he gets, how stressful residency is, why are rounds so early, that midget takasugi, the long ass working hours, being on call fuckin sucks

both bond over sharing crazy stories about patients or how their day went....also hospital complaints because what healthcare worker doesn’t complain about their hospital 

get into “who’s job is more stressful” arguments a lot

on particularly hard (emotionally, physically, mentally) days the other would show up with a bag of food and drinks? 

when the two start dating, it’s usually just... hanging out at work? 

if somehow by some miracle, they get their breaks together (if at all) they eat together

if they do have days off together they usually spend it sleeping (literally you guys) or relaxing at one of their apartments

sleep deprived healthcare workers lead to many....petty...arguments but they make up by the end 

it’s late and i have more thoughts? but i have work tomorrow. but i needed to get this OUT OF MY BRAIN.

also feel free to message me about any of this!! :) asks are always open hehe

Hi! Could i get a match up with any mha male character. I’m a female about 5’2 and ive got long straight hair. I’m not too shy like i still find it hard to talk to people but if im more comfortable im really talkative. I’m a capricorn. I am really impulsive I once woke up and decided to get three ear piercings. I’m a dancer that specializes in ballet and I love playing the piano and the violin. I also am really clingy and love to cuddle. For the autumn drabble could I get scary movies and rain

I’m SO sorry this took so long. Matchups are so hard for me to do and I was a little too ambitious with adding the drabbles at the end. ;w; Here it is! I hope you like it!

I match you with: Denki Kaminari!

-Maybe you sometimes find it hard to talk to people, but this boy is going to make it incredibly easy for you to feel comfortable with him. He just has that aura to him; it’s like you’re meeting up with a long lost friend you haven’t seen in ages when in reality you barely even know him. But he makes it feel like you’ve known each other since kindergarten, like you two were best friends your whole lives. You two are cozying up to each other in no time.

-Impulsive? PERFECT. Kaminari is that friend who will push you around in a shopping cart through the middle of the store on a dare you made 3 months ago that the two of you suddenly remembered. Honestly, you two wreck so much havoc with each other, even Mina struggles to keep up with your shenanigans. And anything you want to do? He supports it. You want 3 ear piercings? Go for it. Wanna get a tattoo while you’re at it? “Do ittttt!” Honestly, if you need someone to hold you back or keep you in line, don’t expect Denki to be that person. He’s gonna be the exact opposite. If you really need someone to keep you in check, make Bakugou tag along with you; he’s really the only one who can stop the both of you from destroying the whole city.

-Kaminari loves to watch you practice your dancing. He thinks you’re absolutely graceful and could watch you for hours at a time. He never gets tired of it. He gets mesmerized every time you move and wonders how you manage to make him feel like he’s lighter than air. He will 100% come to any and all of your shows if you have them, and will always support you no matter what. Catch him in the front row crying tears of joy because, “That’s my babe up there, that’s my Y/N!” He can and WILL drag the whole Bakusquad along btw. You’ll always have support from your friends. :)

-Also very supportive when it comes to your instruments! Listening to you play makes him very emotional, but in a good way. He could be sobbing while you practice and if you stop and ask him if he’s okay, he just chokes out “I’m fine, please continue!” and gives you his signature thumbs up. He looks anything but fine, although he’s telling the truth; he just wants to hear you play. Kaminari is an emotional guy, and he expresses it freely, so tears are natural. He also has favorites out of the songs he’s heard you play! Sometimes he might request a certain song if he hasn’t heard it in a while. Better yet, if you write him a song of your own or learn a new one in secret to surprise him, he will melt. You’re gonna kill him. No really, you’re going to make him feel so loved.

-Denki is also very clingy and cuddly, so you better prepare for koala hugs and lots of kisses and cuddles. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had the best day of your life, the worst day of your life, or if it was just an average ordinary day, you’ll still get cuddles every single night. And he gives really good ones too; the way he wraps his arms around you and holds you close to him makes you feel the safest you’ve ever felt, like nothing can touch you while you’re with him. He’s also a fan of playing with your hair and giving you head pats. Of course he likes them too, but he likes giving them to you much more than receiving them. The best feeling after a hard day is Denki running a hand through your hair to relax you while you snuggle into his arms.

Fall Drabble: Scary Movies/Rain

This drabble kind of got away from me so now it’s less of a drabble and more of a scenario but oh well-

Heavy rain swirled outside in the wind, water droplets sticking to the window and sliding down slowly as you listened to thunder rumble in the distance. Lightning accompanied it a fraction of a moment later, the flash of light illuminating the whole sky for half a second so you could see the gloomy clouds in full. You and Denki originally had plans to go to a fall festival of sorts, but the two of you had waited too long to get ready to go, and now (a whole half hour later no thanks to charge bolt himself) it was too late; there was no way either of you were going out in this. Even if Denki was immune to lightning, you were not, and the wind and rain both proved challenging foes to your clothes and hair. You would both look like a mess by the time you got there, if you hadn’t fried on the way there.

“Soooo, I guess we’re staying in for the day. No way we’re going to the festival in that,” you said dryly.

“I’m sure we can find other ways to pass the time, babe. We can always catch the festival tomorrow!” Ever the cheerful one, it seemed. That was something you really loved about Kaminari. No matter the situation, he was always willing to find the silver lining.

“I suppose you’re right. Well, what can we do in the mean time then?” you wondered aloud.

“No idea, but this storm sure is getting spooky...” Denki subconsciously scooted closer to you as the wind howled outside, a high pitched sound reverberating through the room as it picked up speed.

“Yeah...” 

You both went quiet, Denki’s focus on the storm outside while you thought of ways to pass the time. You would have invited the squad over to hang out, except this was supposed to be date night. You loved your friends, yes, but date night was special to you, and you weren’t exactly in the mood to share your boyfriend with anyone today. So friends were a no go...and you couldn’t go anywhere outside either. That only left a handful of activities. You looked around your room for something useful, anything exciting that you hadn’t already done today. Suddenly your eyes landed on an old ticket stub, namely the one from the very first movie you and Denki had seen together on your first date, and you were struck by an idea.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?”

And that was how the two of you ended up laying on the floor a half hour later, a giant blanket draped over your shoulders and pillows in front of you, popcorn pieces strewn about and cans of soda off to the side as a horror movie played in the background. It had been a while since either of you had seen a proper scary movie, so you agreed on one you hadn’t watched before and started it up without a second thought. The rain in the background helped to enhance the spooky mood for the night, a different sort of darkness seeping in and washing over the room after the lights had been turned off.

A jump scare startled you both a little, causing Kaminari to bump into you gently. You dropped a few pieces of popcorn, and your boyfriend couldn’t keep himself from poking fun at you.

“If you’re scared, Y/N, you can always hold my hand!” He gave you a wide grin and giggled, his tone teasing yet lighthearted. He could never truly give you crap about being spooked by a scary movie, especially when he had been startled himself.

“We’re already holding hands, you goofball!” You nudged him playfully and laughed with him, lightening the mood a bit after the jump scare. Eventually you both returned to watching the movie, your fingers lacing into his as you held hands still.

Fifteen minutes had gone by before the storm really started to pick up outside, wind howling relentlessly and rain pelting against your roof. You and Kaminari were so engrossed in the suspense of the movie that you didn’t notice anything at first; the woman in the film crept closer and closer to the basement door, pitch black coming from open entrance, and the both of you huddled close together as you watched in suspense for something to jump out from the darkness. Suddenly something hard fell against your roof with a loud Thump! followed by several other similar sounding noises, and you and Denki whipped around to look behind you for a culprit, spooked by the horror movie and the strange noise you had just heard. Just as you were about to ask him if he also thought that was hail, the TV shut off unexpectedly with a soft powering down noise, and the both of you were left in complete and total darkness as the storm raged on outside.

“Denki?” It was hard not to notice the tremble in your voice as you spoke quietly.

“I’m right here, love.” Kaminari’s voice wavered slightly as well, though he tried to be strong for you. Both of you were scared, but the least he could do was be there for you.

Down the hall, you could hear your fellow students mulling around in their own dorms and asking if everyone was okay. You put two and two together and realized the storm must have knocked the power out. Without warning, Kirishima thrust open the door to your bedroom and shined a flashlight in, causing the two of you to scream in unison as he finally focused it on your shaking forms.

“Why are you guys screaming?” He tilted his head in question while you tried to gain your bearings, and you secretly decided you would never watch horror movies during a storm ever again. “Yo, Kaminari. We lost power ‘cause of the storm. You think you could give the generator a jump?” The redhead rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, clearly sent over to ask for Denki by someone else.

“Nah, you guys are on your own. It’s date night with my baby, so no can do!”

“Awe, dude, come on! If you send me back with that sort of answer, Bakugou is gonna come storming in here himself!”

“Sorry, man. I’m sure the power won’t be out for that long, anyway. Bakugou can deal with it. 

“If you say so. I’ll try my best to sugarcoat it, but expect an angry looking Bakugou sometime in the near future.”

Kirishima turned away with a wary look, trekking back down the hall the way he came. You turned to your boyfriend and snuggled into him, thankful for having such a loyal person as your partner.

“You could have given their generator a jump, you know,” you said softly.

“I know. But then I’d miss out on date night with you, and that wouldn’t be very kind of me, would it? Date night is just for us. They can figure stuff out themselves.”

The two of you sat there for a moment as you held each other before there was a loud crash from down the hall followed by angry stomping sounds.

“KAMINARI I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!”

hi!! i hope im not bothering u by coming here, u can ignore this if its too personal, but im currently in my junior year of college & i still dont know what i wanna do w/ my life. i remembered u mentioning that u pursued something u didnt want in college & are now going after ur dreams, & i was wondering if u had any advice for me? ive always loved writing but its daunting to me as a career bc i just dont think im good enough. again, u dont have to reply! im just kind of lost rn & thought of u.

hey anon, thank you for opening up to me about this topic! it’s no bother at all!! i’m sorry for the late reply; i’ve been quite busy with my jobs and applications and i wanted to answer this properly. 

i’m definitely a supporter of following your dreams and pursuing what you truly want in life. life is short and the world is falling apart, and for me i knew that if i didn’t pursue something i really wanted, deep in my bones, i would most likely die with all my regrets weighing down on me. maybe that sounds melodramatic, but that’s ultimately what pushed me to make my decision. so if writing is something you want, something you’re willing to fight for no matter how hard the journey might be, then i say go for it!! 

making a career out of writing is definitely daunting though, i feel that anxiety 200%. to be honest, ever since i quit applying to medical school to go after the dream of publication, it hasn’t been a walk in the park. i’m currently working 2 jobs to pay my bills and i had to compromise a lot because of my personal family issues and because i didn’t want to waste my degree that put me over $30k in debt. that’s another reason to pursue something you’re actually interested in college: don’t waste your time and effort and money on something you don’t really want. it will only hurt you more in the end. 

of course, it’s also important to be practical/financially responsible. not everyone can be as lucky as veronica roth who got a crazy publishing deal for ‘divergent’ before she even graduated college. a lot of the authors i follow on social media have a day job to make a living wage while working on their stories in whatever time span they can. leigh bardugo, the author of the ‘six of crows’ duology, worked as a makeup artist among other jobs until she finally published her first book in her 30s. and madeline miller, author of ‘the song of achilles,’ worked on that incredible book for 10 years while being a college professor. so if there’s a major or career you’d be content with studying that will be able to support you financially while you pursue writing on the side, that’s definitely a good option.

i don’t think there’s any author out there who feels like their writing is “good enough.” it seems like most writers are riding the imposter syndrome boat lol. and in publishing there’s going to be A Lot of rejections. i actually finished writing my 1st novel last year and it didn’t go anywhere, so now it’s collecting dust in my computer while i try to finish my 2nd novel this year and hope it’s decent enough that an agent will be interested. i don’t think i’ve ever felt “good enough” about my writing, but i love doing it anyway. there’s nothing else i’d rather break my heart over. 

so pursue writing if you love it, because someone out there is absolutely going to love your story too. i definitely finally got the courage to chase after my dream because of people supporting my klance fanfics. when i read people’s comments and saw how happy my silly stories made them and all the wonderful encouragement i received, it gave me hope that i’m not as bad as my brain often convinces me. it made me want to read up on the craft and study other authors’ way of drafting and improve in whatever way i could. so if you need some encouragement, share your writing with a few friends or take creative writing classes in college! the biggest support system i have right now is a writing discord i share with a friend who’s also pursuing publishing. 

i hope this ramble was somewhat helpful/made sense. please let me know if there’s anything i didn’t answer and please don’t hesitate to talk to me more if you need. i felt very lost and alone sometimes in college because of this topic. definitely supporting you and wishing you the best if you ultimately choose to pursue writing in whatever way!!! 

Is ao no flag worth reading? I went through the tag and why is everyone who's reading suffering?? Damn... :/ are the gays treated badly or what?

ack sorry i didn’t see this earlier anon but excuse me yelling about this a lot because ive been reading this manga since ch 5 and have some STRONG feelings (in a positive way) about it sdlgkhsdkf. sorry for upcoming text wall i can try and space shit out if it’s hard to readokay so: it is absolutely worth reading yes. regardless of anything else that happens, the paneling/composition is fucking worth it alone tbh. it’s gorgeous as fuck, i’ve set specific panels and some of the cover art to be my phone background at certain points its just. oof. man. it’s so fucking good.

like. goddamn. this page in particular is SO fucking good and there’s more shit like this everywhere. i’m honestly in fucking love w the art and panel work it’s so good at show-don’t-tell and it’s just. so well done to boot.putting the really good art aside though: the overall discussions between characters that happen in this manga are fucking incredible. like. even going on beyond just treating gay characters with a level of respect that i wasn’t expecting in a shonen jump property (not the main mag but definitely still really widely read), there’s a really deep discussion of gender roles and the struggles that girls/women have to deal with in japanese society that i wasn’t expecting to see at all but that i deeply, deeply appreciate. also it goes a lot into the struggle of the high school to college transition and just the general idea of not knowing what the hell you want to do with your life and i just. really appreciate those things existing

while the gay characters experience pain, i would not say they are treated badly. i will probably fail at explaining this well while also trying to avoid spoilers lol, but while they are definitely going through some rough shit, it’s not rough shit for the sake of being cruel to them, and as characters they are honestly some of the most well-developed characters gay characters i’ve seen in any media at all, because nothing about them is treated as a joke. they’re both treated with as much respect by the narrative as the (seemingly, i personally doubt the lead is actually straight and there’s some hints as to another main being trans but neither of those are canon so let’s call them straight for now lol) straight charastheir pain isn’t like….punching down, if that makes sense? like yeah they’re going through some shit, but it’s for the sake of the narrative getting a message across,and  their circumstances are actively decried by the narrative as Being Shitty. it’s really not pain  for the sake of just being cruel to fictional gay characters Because The Author Can Be Cruel If They Want To. im trying to think of a good comparison point to this but it’s a struggle, the best comparison i can think of in manga rn that you MIGHT have a point of reference on is how magne is being treated in b/nha right now. (I AM NOT READING BN//HA im not even caught up on the anime slkghsdf but based on what i know of her treatment she seems to be having a rough time of actually being treated like a person.)  anyway i have no idea if i’m explaining this point well at all but hopefully followers of mine reading anf already get what i mean by this, it’s not cruelty for the sake of being cruelthat and like. everyone in this gd manga has some degree of pain, both the ‘straight’ characters are EXTREMELY anxious/depressed and one of the non-leads honestly has one of the most developed internal struggles, to the point where the entire gd fandom collectively had a moment of apology to her because we fucked up THAT bad in reading her personality lmao. this is technically a drama manga, after all, everyone’s dealing with some level of (realistic-to-real-life) internal struggle rn, but there’s no internal-narrative mocking of it. everyone’s issues are treated with respect

there are some things lately (and by ‘lately’ i mean within the last chapter or two) that many people, including myself, have reacted to with some amount of hesitation. anf has a habit of showing one thing and then completely changing your mind about said thing (see: aforementioned non-lead thing). i am not personally happy about it, but this is a monthly manga, so i’m willing to let it play its course for now. totally get the fandom dissatisfaction about it though but i think the good points of the manga up to this point still definitely outweigh itSORRY ANON THIS IS PROBABLY LONGER THAN YOU WERE EXPECTING LOL but yes. anf very good. painful but like. realistic pain and not Just For The Sake of Being Painful

RETROACTIVE EDIT BC IM A DUMBASS: if you’re seeing this and going ‘huh, cool, where can i read this?’ the answer is on the website/app mangaplus, which is a LEGAL, OFFICIAL, AND YET SOMEHOW ALSO FREE way to read a ton of shonen-jump-associated manga, including anf (under the title blue flag). the little volume extras aren’t there but they’re easy enough to find on mangadex and places like that lol

yee yee !!! me ?? being habitually late as usual ??? ppl everywhere r shocked !!!  but hi i’m baby i’m nineteen and yr resident mark lee stan, yr fave irl usagi tsukino & i only wear socks that have cute designs or characters on them bc being cute & obnoxious is all i’ve got going 4 me !!! let me introduce u to my babyboy who’s addicted 2 crime shows and drinking icees 24/7 !!! he’s so smart but so DUMB he can solve complicated equations in mere minutes but if u flirt w/ him he’ll die on the spot dhfhs ps plot w/ me pls u can hit me up on d*scord @ hentai lovers anonymous #8965 i’ll send u barely coherent hcs @ 3am & for a limited time only i’ll send u dog pics !!! 

triggers: uhhh bad jokes, a  deadbeat dad, a terminally ill mother, substance abuse

- ̗̀ ❛ muse 8, jeon jungkook, he/him. ❜ ̖́- did you hear about the monaco trip? it’s legendary at ucla. maddox “max” seo is going, i’m so jealous. their instagram makes it seem like they’re pretty ingenious and they’re all about crime shows & spiked cherry icees. can you believe they’re only twenty-one and they’re going on a free trip to monaco for the summer? hopefully they don’t let their audacious side show too much on the trip. ( baby, she/her, mst)

backstory. 

ok so basically growing up he’s only ever known his mother. his dad had skipped camp shortly after max was born only to make a very brief, drunk cameo at max’s 7th birthday party which only made max hate him more fjdhgj 

having a single mom was cool in a lot of ways !!! for example whenever they cld afford to go to theme parks they didn’t have to worry abt who had to sit with who & she let max stay up reading or playing animal crossing after he’d finished his schoolwork 

its hard parenting solo so he was always a little bit of a wild child hhg but w/ a cause !!! once a girl in his class got pushed by two boys and he kicked their asses !!! and his mom was like ..... im glad u respect women but pls i cant afford 2 bail u out of jail when u grow up 

he’s been getting in fights w/ others since he cld walk lbr hell even CRAWL

but it was also difficult in a lot of ways too. he often wore thrifted clothes or hand me downs that were barely hanging on by a thread. his mom was always busy at work and she was so exhausted by the time she came home that it physically pained max

but she always made time for him. she was so ??? selfless ??? she’d drop everything to watch his science fairs and she was always front row at his spelling bees. she never let money stop max from pursuing his hobbies. when max wanted to join baseball in middle school she worked extra shifts to pay for his equipment. 

his freshman year of high school his mom started to get rlly sick but like jhhfgsh they were a low income family w/ not so great insurance so she put it off until she absolutely couldn’t anymore and she was diagnosed with leukemia 

it was an emotional and financial strain for the both of them. he started working as well as continuing his studies. hospital bills are outrageous & the healthcare system doesn’t rlly care abt poor families u know 

before the trip the doctors announced that his mother’s leukemia was terminal and that she likely only had a year tops left. so max almost turned down coming on the trip altogether but his mom insisted and asked him to go and take pictures and call her every day so she could live vicariously through him

and she pinky promised she’d hold on until he made it back home. she probably won’t. but he can’t afford to lose her bc thats his emotional support parent the only person whos loved him even tho hes temperamental & a smartass 

he juggled school, work, parties, &  taking care of his mom.

he’s going for something in psychobiology or forensic pathology but he !!! can’t decide !!!

hcs. 

if u call him maddox his eye wil l start twitching jfdghkdgjh his dad is the one who named him so he Hates his full name. 

super intelligent ??? but only abt very niche things like if u wanna talk abt pyschobiology or the applications of imaginary numbers in everyday life he’s all in if its abt common sense tho ??? max has left the chat 

started experimenting w/ substances shortly after his mom was diagnosed 2 help him cope 

always drinking spiked cherry & coke icees ??? everyones always like wtf where do u even get that 

facetimes w/ his mom every single day & is always asking the other to take pics of him so he can send them to her 

hasn’t told anyone abt his mom because he Hates being pitied ??? like after all ,,, he’s not the one w/ leukemia 

he has crushes on anyone thats either too nice or too mean to him fhsdhgkshg he never dated when he was younger so he’s like ???? u looked at me for 5 seconds we r in love 

vvv hardworking !!!! but also !!!! goofs around sm u start wondering if he is smart for Real 

cries when he talks abt how much he loves his mom 

ok lstn ,,,, he Rarely sleeps he’s always keeping himself busy bc if he’s busy then he doesn’t have to deal with how guilty he feels abt leaving his mom behind

so he’s spending this whole trip: Barely Sober

when hes drunk he recites the opening scene for law & order svu and hums the intro very off-key over and over 

swears he has 36746 unsolved cases Solved

has a crush on every single anime girl ever hkshkhgk

got into ucla on an academic scholarship but he’s still drowning in debt so he sells iLLeGaL substances 4 cash 

he’s on the baseball team & in lacrosse on top of being in 467364 clubs which is why hes BUff but also tired

this is all ive got i made this up on a whim gdfjagjh

tldr: he hates his dad & his name, loves his very sick mother, is chaotic but somehow smart & he falls in love like five times a day but he’s a libra what did u Expect 

another fucking meme bitch

literally nobody can stop me 

this is the 3rd one of these ive answered for logan i really should give someone else a look-in

w e l p

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Morgan’s three years younger than him, so close enough to the same age group. They didn’t get on very well at all growing up – Logan was jealous and Morgan was spoilt, which resulted in friction a little beyond regular sibling rivalry – but their relationship has improved with age. They’re not close and there’s still some definite tension, but it’s generally healthy as long as they don’t start talking about their parents. Or anything too personal.

Morgan’s never done anything wrong, that’s the thing. That’s probably what irritates Logan the most. He has no genuine reason to resent his brother and he knows it’s unfair, but he struggles to find a way to redirect the feeling because he’s already embittered towards their parents so like … where the fuck else can it go? He still struggles with it, and tries extremely hard to temper his feelings towards his younger brother mainly out of guilt. It’s not Morgan’s fault. Nonetheless, it is undeniably disheartening to watch his parents dote upon someone who, at the end of the day, is really not all that different to him in the long run.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Distant. Logan is an eternal disappointment to his mother, who had big dreams for her eldest son – indeed, he was meant to be her only son, before a little mistake came along three years later. From the beginning Morgan was an easier baby than Logan, and Madeleine subsequently funnelled her energy into the happy, bouncy infant rather than the rather aloof, introspective toddler. Logan was quiet, anxious and didn’t smile easily, and the more Madeleine withdrew the more he got the message – in childhood he would rather manage his independence and rely on himself than come to her for support, and as such her attentions on Morgan only intensified until it became uncomfortably clear to everyone that she had a very definite favourite.

In a nutshell, as far as Madeleine is concerned Logan can’t do anything right. There is criticism for everything, and if she can’t think of a snippy comment now then she’ll think of if later and ring him up to tell him. She is emotionally abusive, though she’ll never understand that – after all, she does love him (and in her mind, he hasn’t made that easy), but in all honesty she doesn’t like him very much, and he is more than aware of it.

It’s damaged him pretty badly, and as he grows older he distances himself more and more, reducing his contact with her to phonecalls and the occasional special occasion visit. Christmases are miserable. Madeleine, however, is a cakewalk compared to Edward.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Non-existent. Edward is vile. A bitter, egotistical narcissist who is profoundly aware that his wife has more money than him and cannot let it go. Logan began butting heads with him at a young age and suffered for it (there is no contention over corporal punishment in the English aristocracy), and he honestly feels nothing but distaste and resentment for the man, verging into hatred. The feeling is mutual – Madeleine might be disappointed in her son’s life and sexuality, but Edward is actively disgusted in him, and he has no problem telling him that. Their relationship ultimately exploded in Logan’s late teens, on the night he was outed – after many years of belittlement and abuse, physical and otherwise, he lost his temper entirely and punched his father in the jaw. Edward put him through a glass coffee table for his pains, leaving him with his facial scars, and he left the house that night and never really went back. Probably should’ve gone to A&E, tbh.

Anyway, they don’t speak. Or rather, Logan doesn’t speak to him. On the few occasions they’re forced to be in the same room (Christmases are m i s e r a b l e ), Edward will attempt to goad his eldest into retaliation, but fortunately in those situations Elrick is generally there too and he is MORE than happy to engage on Logan’s behalf.

The very last time they interact is at Madeleine’s funeral, and it ends in an extremely public, extremely loud argument in front of the entire congregation that results in Logan storming out halfway through (‘causing a scene’, is how Edward later puts it to his fellows at the country club). They never speak again, and he does not attend his father’s funeral five years later.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Not a great deal. His phone, his wallet, his keys – usual shit. He doesn’t cart stuff around for the sake of it and will remove anything superfluous before he goes out, so there’s nothing crazy in there.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

I’m no dream-diviner, but whatever relates to feeling like a complete and total fuckup. That’s a recurring theme.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

He’s very claustrophobic and that tends to be a feature of his nightmares. In a modern setting, though, he’s not plagued by the constant nightmares he experiences in his original incarnation – they’re much more sinister in that verse, and they’re brutal. It’s a major factor in why his insomnia is so intense.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Depends on the AU. In a modern setting, which I’m pretty much answering for here, nope – shooting is a popular hobby for his mother and father, but he never participated. In most fantasy AUs, he knows how to use one, but he’s a pretty abysmal shot – he’s really only good with a gun in a few very select circumstances when it’s absolutely necessary. Original Logan is the absolute worst with a gun, hence why he doesn’t fucking carry one because it would definitely make more sense than carting a sword around if people keep on trying to assassinate you all the time.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

It’s fluctuated. He grew up rich. Like … aristocratically rich. His family are Old Money. He wasn’t spoilt as a kid (that little honour went to Morgan), but he went to an expensive private school and certainly didn’t know discomfort.

When he left the home, that all stopped. He had no access to funds and his parents certainly weren’t prepared to give him any, so he made his own way. Ultimately, through a great deal of hard grafting and years of work, he clawed his way into Oxford, manhandled himself through law school and now earns a very comfortable living. He rejected any and all of Morgan’s attempts to help him (Morgan, who was given a ~small loan~ by his mother to start a business and has been a millionaire for pretty much all his adult life) and subsequently it took a long-ass time, but he’s proud of it.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Generally more. He’s certainly not the type to fuckin chill around the house half-naked. Like what’s the point. Get your fuckin ass off that expensive sofa and go and put some trousers on for fucks sake.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

In a modern situation, the night he was outed. That PALES in comparison to his original incarnation’s Most Terrifying Moments 3 Day Compilation Storytime W/ Hi-Res Visuals & Audio, but still.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Nope. He’s fine with blood – his, other people’s, whatever. It’s not an issue.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Definitely names. He tends to forget faces because he doesn’t really care much about them lmao but names stick in his mind as ‘data’, almost.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Not preoccupied, but he does value money and possessions – he sees it as a status-marker. Old habits and all that.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Success for sure.

What was your character’s favourite toy as a child?

Honestly, he didn’t really play much. He tended to occupy himself with puzzles rather than toys, even when young – colours and shapes as an infant, then on to shit like jigsaws and building blocks as he got a little older, things he could occupy himself very independently with. He used to draw a lot as a young kid, but incidentally is absolutely shit at it as an adult so who knows what happened there. He did have a stuffed toy lion that he carted around as a toddler, but Edward put a stop to his kids having comfort items by the time they were 4 so he didn’t have it for very long.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition. It’s the Slytherin in him.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

He’s too independent, which translates to coming across as cold. He can’t bear relying on other people because he knows damn well he can manage on his own, and it takes him a very long time to delegate trust in a relationship. This has caused friction with people in the past, often alongside accusations of being too cold, too indifferent, too distant. In the three years that he and Elrick spent broken up, his self-reliance was pretty much the final straw for the rebound-relationship he was in for those years – in amongst a nest of other issues, the man in question (sorry Jaeger) simply got fed up of trying to break down a wall that clearly was never going to come down on its own.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Oh, only ever self-criticism. Everyone is doing better than he is in one way or another, and he will find that one way.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Externally he’ll assign blame to others, but he internalises every second of it as his own fault. It’s the inferiority complex. He knows he deserves it, but he doesn’t want everyone else to know that.

What does your character like in other people?

Integrity, which is pretty rich coming from him as he is no stranger to the odd lie here and there. He also appreciates a practical, realistic outlook on life – relentless optimism irritates him to no end. Sometimes things are really shitty, there’s no use painting it fuckin gold and calling it wonderful. He likes someone he can occasionally bitch and moan with (or more than occasionally), who will either contribute their own grievances or simply let him get on with it without trying to force him to feel better.

What does your character dislike in other people?

Literally we’ll be here forever. He has no patience for what he considers to be ‘stupidity’. A lack of punctuality. Bad spelling. Bad grammar. A lack of self-care. An obnoxious laugh. Anything that reminds him too much of his mother. More than two middle names. Weak handshakes. I could keep going. Best not to.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

Months, if not years. Really only Elrick and Kat enjoy his full and total confidence. He wants to trust Morgan, but to be entirely honest he can’t shed the fear that Morgan’s going to go parroting it all back to Madeleine the first chance he gets, which is probably a very unfair assumption to make. He knows this. It doesn’t change it, though.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

He’ll suspect anyone of anything, given the right motivation. He doesn’t trust easily at all. More than once in the early years of the relationship he suspected Elrick of sleeping with his ex, for no other reason than the fact that he had an ex – he kept that particular concern entirely to himself, but it took a long time to shed.

How does your character behave around children?

Responsible. By the time he knew of Bastian’s existence the boy was already about seven, but he’s been babysitting Rowan since birth so he’s pretty comfortable by now.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

It’s an absolute last resort.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Externally defensive, but internally he absorbs it.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

No point repeating something if it’s clearly not working. A second try might not be a bad idea, just in case a mistake was made in the first opportunity, but any more than two repeats is just setting yourself up for failure.

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Oh bitch if he doesn’t like you, you will Know About It. He really doesn’t see the point in pretending to like somebody he doesn’t – it’s a waste of time and energy, and why bother giving that person false hope? Better to nip it in the bud.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honour, or protecting their status?

His honour’s all shot to the four fuckin winds anyway, but he will protect his status fiercely.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

His mother’s ancient African Grey parrot used to bite him on the regular, and as such he hates parrots.

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

It could be better. It could be worse, but it could be much better. He’s still kind of a classist snob at times.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Nope. He’s never really had a paternal figure at all. Or at least not a positive one.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Not really – his only two dependents would be Bastian and Rowan, both of whom are blood relations.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It’s easy to say it when he doesn’t mean it (which he has done, in the past). It’s much harder to say when he does.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

He has no idea whatsoever. He was raised Catholic, but has considered himself an atheist since his mid-teens – however, it’s extremely hard to shed the guilt and fear of damnation when it’s all you’ve heard for a huge chunk of your childhood. He likes to think that life just stops and then that’s it, you’re done, but he can’t quite get rid of the little chirp of paranoia that says he’s going to Hell.

The Worst First Date... Ever

A Deputy/Pratt oneshot I’ve been wanting to write for a while now. Warnings apply for strong language, some sexual content, and secondhand embarrassment. Two of the three are Staci’s fault. Which two? You be the judge.

Pratt was acting up again one day in late spring, when the mud on the roads was fender-deep and the sun gave everyone red arms and pinched faces. Hudson was about ready to strangle him as he popped his nicotine gum to the rhythm of the oldies on the radio. Medina could tune it out - it’s classic Pratt, she told herself, hates the quiet so he fills it in the most annoying way he can think of - but once he started banking paperclips off her back, she had to take a stand.

“Pratt!”

“What? It’s target practice.”

“Stop doing that.”

His lips curled up in a grin and he held his hands up innocently. But the glint of a silver paperclip pinched between his thumb and forefinger was not promising, and Medina only glared at him.

“Staci Pratt, I will tell your mother.”

His mouth fell open in an O of surprise, but the smirk quickly returned. As soon as she went back to her paperwork, he bounced the paperclip straight off the back of her head.

“¡Deja de hacer eso!”

He started laughing and dropped his last paperclip into the jar on his desk. “Aww, no eres divertido.”

“Cabrón.”

“Guys!” Hudson snapped, pinching the bridge of her nose. “If you’re gonna insult each other, do it in English.”

Medina quickly apologized, then jabbed her finger at Pratt. “You… you… horse-face.”

He nearly choked on his gum. “Horse-face? Horse-face? You can call me an asshole in Spanish but the best you got in English is horse-face?”

“I don’t like swearing in English,” she said with a pout. “It’s dirty.”

“Shit, Sasha,” he chuckled as he stood up and stretched his arms. “You are so fucking cute.”

“Sure, you say that now.”

“Oh, my god, guys, I am begging you,” Hudson looked at Medina desperately. “Please, please flirt somewhere else. I just ate.”

Pratt disappeared into the closet where they kept personal effects, and both Hudson and Medina gave a sigh of relief as they returned to their work. Sasha was patiently filling out release papers for one Charlemagne Victor Boshaw IV when the W turned into a wild scribble as a pair of hands suddenly clasped her shoulders and a muffled voice called “neigh!” into her ear.

Since poor Sasha’s fight or flight instincts always defaulted to fight, she whirled around and swung a closed fist toward Pratt, who recoiled in shock as her hand connected with the rubber snout of his horse mask.

He tugged it off, cackling, and smoothed his hair back as Sasha stood up to face him - not like she properly could with their foot-tall height difference.

Luckily for Pratt, she laughed too, and she yanked the mask away from him. “Why do we even have this?”

“Dunno,” he confessed. “Just saw it in the closet this morning.”

Hudson, her head in her hands, mumbled wearily, “Came from a 390 they found out by Rae-Rae’s. Some jackass was trying to scare Boomer again.”

Pratt’s face twisted into a disgusted expression. “He puked, didn’t he?”

“Yep.”

Medina dropped the mask and wiped her hands on Pratt’s shoulder. “Ew. Drunk puke.”

“Really brings people together.” Pratt took her hands in his and pulled her toward the door. “C’mon, I wanna show you something.”

Reluctantly, she followed him, though she had to quicken her pace to keep up with his gangly legs, and he led her round the back of the station.

“Pratt, what—”

“Just do what I do.” He clambered up atop a parked cruiser, then the electrical shed, before finally scaling the roof. “The view up here is awesome.”

“We have mountains, y’know,” said Sasha as she struggled up the shed. “Why don’t you—oof—just look… oh, wow.” Her eyes widened as she reached the roof and could finally take in the sun setting between the mountains in the distance. “It’s beautiful. I never even noticed.”

“Yeah, see? I told you.” Pratt looked insufferably smug. “It’s ‘cause of that big, shitty billboard down there. It blocks the view from the road.”

“How did you even find this?”

“Joey complained about me smoking by the door - which is where everyone takes their smoke breaks, but whatever - so I came out back, but then she complained about me smoking by her car, so I figured, fuck it, if I can’t smoke on the ground, I’ll smoke on the roof.” He glanced down at her with a gleam in his eye. “Twenty bucks she starts complaining about the smoke coming through the vents or something.”

Sasha folded her arms and narrowed her eyes crossly. “I thought you quit.”

“I’ve quit like, six times. Never sticks. Doesn’t matter. This is nice.” He rolled one of his shoulders and swallowed nervously. “Look, uh… sorry I’m a dick sometimes.”

“‘Sometimes’ is a good start,” she said. Still, she uncrossed her arms and smiled warmly at him. “But you’re forgiven. For now.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and chewed his lower lip before inhaling deeply. “I was wondering if, um… maybe… sometime… do you wanna go get some… err, I mean, maybe you’d like to do… something? With me?”

“Staci Pratt, are you asking me on a date?”

“I… guess?” At her unimpressed look, he cleared his throat and said, more confidently, “Yes, I am. I’d like to go on a date with you.”

She reached for his hand and he gave it gladly, despite his sweating palms and trembling fingers. “Staci, I would love to go on a date with you. What did you have in mind?”

“What did I—” Realization dawned on his face and his expression morphed into shock. “Fuck. I mean… I, uh, I didn’t actually… plan that far ahead. I kinda thought you’d say no.”

Sasha giggled and squeezed his hand. “How about a picnic?”

“Great! Yes. I love picnics. Definitely my first choice.”

“I know this great little spot out past Nick Rye’s place.”

He grinned - more relieved than teasing. “I’ll swing by and pick you up. You still live right outside Falls End, right?”

She nods.

“Good, okay. Good. Eight tomorrow night?”

“Six. I wanna catch the sunset.”

He wasn’t off his shift until seven-thirty. But the lady said six, and God help anyone who said Staci Pratt wouldn’t bend over backward for a lady. “Six it is.” He figured the last hour and half wouldn’t matter. Nothing happened in Hope County, anyway.

He was very, very wrong.

From the get-go, Sasha knew something was up. Sure, Staci combed his hair and - for once - didn’t smell of cigarettes, which was a glorious feat in itself, but he was still wearing his uniform, radio and all, while she sported a sundress with purple polka dots. Not exactly on the same page. Not to mention the fact that he showed up in his patrol car. Something was definitely wrong.

Awkwardly, he shuffled his feet as he stood outside her door. “So, um… I forgot to mention this, but I’m kinda… sorta… still working. Until eight.”

“Staci!”

“It’s okay!” He held up his hands placatingly, one bearing a bottle of sweet rosé. “It’s okay. I made sure I was released from office shit and I did all my paperwork early—”

“You gave it to Joey, didn’t you?”

“I… gave her a couple pages.”

“A couple?”

“…Twenty-nine.”

“Staci!” Sasha nearly slammed the door on him right then. But heaven help her, he was so, so cute.

“It’s not a big deal! All I have to do is keep the radio on, okay?” He reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Nothing ever fucking happens around here, anyway. I promise, Sasha, nothing is going to ruin this for us.”

“I just… I thought we weren’t going to bring work into this.”

“We’re not.” His voice was lower, softer, and his eyes were sincere. “I like you, Sasha. I like you a lot. I want this to go well.”

She drew herself toward him and laced their fingers together. “I like you too, Staci, I just don’t want to mess anything up for you. If you have to work, you should work.”

“Ah, Whitehorse loves me. I’m safe.”

She snorted loudly and he made a face in response. 

“Just get in the car, papi.”

He saluted her sloppily. “Yes, ma’am, Miss Medina, ma’am.”

They hadn’t even touched their sandwiches before their hands were wandering, sprawled out on a blanket decorated with rocket ships as the sun blinked below the horizon. God, he’d wanted to kiss her so badly since he first laid eyes on her, with her rich, silk skin and her soft hair and her perfect, perfect lips and here he was, fumbling his way through it, as she smiled into each kiss. Probably laughing at him on the inside, he figured. Dammit, Staci, keep it together…

She had one of her hands on his thigh, positioned oh so precariously, and the other on his chest and she was so, so into this. He kissed hard, and he kissed a lot, and everyone else she’d ever been with - a generous sample size of two women and one other man - was nervous and shy. She’d expected Staci to be the same way, but ooh, he was fierce, and it lit something up in her body she’d never, ever felt before. Sasha, honey, take it slow…

Her fingers unfastened the top two buttons of his shirt and brushed his collarbone, and he moaned. It reverberated within her mouth and she gasped, and they had a sweet-hot back and forth of sultry noises that led to him on his back with her lips on his neck. She left bruising kisses all across his skin, and her weight on his chest was sending heatwaves through him, and he doesn’t remember his work cargos ever being this tight—

His eyes close on their own as she sucks on the delicate skin between his neck and his clavicle. “Oh, fuck, fuck, yes, God, you’re so fucking good at this.”

She laughed softly, seductively, and then…

Someone else laughed, too. A couple someones, actually.

Sasha pulled away abruptly, brow furrowed, and Staci pushed himself up on his elbows as the radio on his shoulder hummed with the chuckles of everyone else on duty. He stared at Sasha in horror for a split second before he scrambled for the switches, and the feedback screeched through the air with his vicious curses as he flicked the radio off, then on again and off for good in his panic.

Sasha was absolutely speechless, but she forced words anyway. “I… Staci, I… I’m so—”

“Don’t,” he snapped, his face buried in his hands. “Just fucking don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” she finished. She knelt before him, hand on his knee, and reached for his face. 

He almost pulled away, but he dropped his hands and let her touch him gently. “They’re gonna be laughing at me for-fucking-ever,” he muttered miserably. “I’m never fucking living this down.”

“Staci, it’ll be alright.” Sasha had no idea how, but faith had to be enough, right? “They-they probably don’t even know you’re with me.”

He shook his head bitterly. “The fuck they don’t! I told everyone I know I was going out with you. Everyone.”

On one hand, she was certainly flattered. On the other… uh-oh. This time, she couldn’t even think of anything to say. She just tucked his hair behind his ear and rubbed his knee until he drew himself away from her.

His radio light flickered on and he rolled his eyes. “Fuck. I’m fucked. I can’t just not answer it.”

Sasha checked her watch. 7:48.

“Fuck.” Staci sighed and turned the radio back on. “Pratt here. Unfortunately.”

It was Joey Hudson. With any luck, she’d be kind—

“Hey, love machine, you got something coming.”

—Or not.

“Fuck off, Hudson—”

“No, Pratt, I’m serious. Some asshole stole a ton of engine parts from Nick Rye’s hangar and they’re driving right past you.”

“Oh, shit. I’m on it.” He clambered to his feet and nearly tripped on the blanket. “Shit. Shit!” He turned to Sasha, looking so apologetic she didn’t even know it was humanly possible, and he gestured hopelessly at the abandoned picnic. “Sasha, I’m so sorry, I don’t… should I—”

“No, Staci, you go on. I can deal with this. You go get the bad guy.”

“I—should I take you with me? You’re not walking all the way back—”

She interrupted him again. “Yes, I am. You need your car.”

“But you - you’re in heels. I’m so fucking sorry, Sasha, I’m—”

“Stop it, Stace, it’s okay. I’ll be okay. Now go! You’ll lose ‘em!”

He backtracked to his patrol car, looking desperately from the blanket to her and back again until she waved her hands frantically.

“Go!”

He peeled out, and Sasha could only imagine him taking down a thief with his bruised neck and half-open shirt and lipstick-stained cheeks. All she could do was take off her shoes and pinch them in one hand while she tucked the blanket under her arm and carried the picnic basket in the other.

Staci was right. He was the laughingstock of the entire Hope County Sheriff’s Department for a month. Maybe more. They stopped counting after the seventeenth time they were together in a room and someone moaned in a falsetto, started snickering, or made a filthy remark - usually in Sasha’s direction. It made Staci furious every time, but after the second fistfight, Whitehorse put him on notice and he started avoiding Sasha altogether.

The next time they worked together, he was flying a helicopter into the heart of Joseph Seed’s compound with a United States Marshal in the back. 

And still, the first thing Hudson said when they all piled in was: “Hey, love machine.”

I’m really really sorry for what’s happening to you😔,I’m not okay knowing that other people aren’t happy,I can’t help it,I really wish I could do something,the only thing that I can do is listen,so If you want you can tell me💔🥀,and YOU’RE NOT a burden...

we started dating at the end of July (but had been good friends for longer) and its long distance bc im american and shes in england and we both have really bad anxieties and other issues (i have borderline personality disorder, which was really hard for me to tell her about and she knows how difficult it is for me) so we’d never been big on calling eachother before but I had been hoping that once we started dating that would change (i love love love calling her) but in the 4 months (5 months this month) we’ve only called like 6 times maybe but i’m always just happy to spend time with her anyway but once the summer ended and she went back to school she never had any time for me bc of her school work so I only got to spend like an hour or two with her on the weekends and even though i was really sad and missed her all the time it was fine because we still messaged everyday and just talking to her is my favorite thing and always made me hap

but then in october she had no time for me and i didnt even get weekends

our entire relationship i’ve always been worried shes going to leave me bc one) i’m awful and shes wonderful and also before we started dating she actually did completely disappear and stop talking to me for two months (we started dating like right after that) bc she was too depressed to talk to people and i was always afraid she would just disappear again but i was slowly starting to trust that she wouldnt do that to me and things were different now and then she had to go away for a weekend at the end of october where she couldnt talk to me at all bc it was a school trip and i was so scared she was going to go away, not talk to me for four days, and realize she didnt miss me at all and that would be it but then the night before she went away she sent me a really sweet message saying that she would miss me and i was like Wow shes not going to leave maybe she really does care/notice how i feel but the day she got back was when she really started to stop talking much to me/was being distant 

when i finally confronted her on that-about how she cant just disappear on me- she said she was sorry and she’d been distant bc she doesnt like to talk to me when shes feeling down bc she doesnt want to bring me down and i explained that the only thing that upsets me is when i cant talk to her at all and how she cant disappear without explaining things to me but even after that talk it didnt get any better (it just got even worse) and w hen i confronted her again the beginning of november ( saying how i needed her to care about me more because not only was i her girlfriend we were best friends before that and she cant just avoid me and it was really hurting me bc i was so miserable and alone all the time thinking she hated me) she apologized again and explained how she just didnt want to talk to anyone at all lately and it was difficult for her and i asked where that put us and she said she didnt know but she didnt want to breakup bc she would regret it if she felt better and i said i would wait for her because i’m in love with her (shes not in love with me though) and that was the last big conversation we had in the beginning of november 

then we didnt talk AT ALL in november except for snapchat streak snaps (which we dont have anymore bc in a BPD fit i killed our streak, immediately regretted it, and have been tryign to save it for weeks but she Will Not snap me back so); i tried asking her to just watch one movie with me a weekend bc it had been two months since we hung out and i really missed her but she was too busy again

a weekish ago i nearly lost my best friend forever and it hit me that if I lost him i would have absolutely no one (which i did blog about here a bit) and in a crying fit I texted my girlfriend saying how much i missed her and how it would be nice if we could start talking again soon bc my best friend almost died and if he did i would have no one who loved me and i couldnt be alone but she just texted back about how she was sorry but she still didnt really know what to say and didnt want to talk to people and we havent talked again since

this is supposed to be our 5th month together (the 22nd) but we basically only Dated/hung out for two months and then only talked for MAYBE two and a half months and NOTHING since basically and im just so sad and miserable and i miss her all the time and shes all i think about and im not even on her mind at all

i understand shes dealing with a lot of stuff mentally but,,so am i !!! i have so many issues-you guys have seen- on top of a literal personality disorder thats kind of based on abandonment issues (and now ive literally been abandoned) and it all just hurts so much!!! i have always always been so aware of her during our relationship and i have always put all of her mental issues etc first and i have always paid attention to her and listened to her and done research about things she was dealing with and always kept them in mind and it doesnt feel like shes ever cared about mine and im just so sad without her; i understand she cant talk to me but did she really have to cut me off so completely? she could have kept sending me snaps (she literally stopped all snaps except just the streak that everyone got) or saying good morning to me (we used to send a good morning snap to eachother every morning bc of the time difference) 

ahHH this is too long i’m sorry 

Tagged by @aphnorsea !! Thank you so much for tagging me! It's been awhile since I've done one of these

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag people

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Coca-Cola 2. Phone call: my mama <3 3. Text message: one of my best friends  4. Song you listened to: Mr. Clean by Young Gravy  5. Time you cried: unfortunately yesterday during lunch 

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: lmao yea, I kind of don't regret it 😂 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I have kissed someone but I didn't regret it  8. Been cheated on: nope!  9. Lost someone special: I think that's about to happen soon. I can feel it coming but I'm working hard to keep it strong! Gotta have some faith!  10. Been depressed: this week I have been, some issues have been coming up lately  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope. I don't plan to either! 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. I like all shades of blue, yellow, and red 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: I've made a ton of new friends and gosh!! They're all sweethearts ;w; 16. Fallen out of love: yes 17. Laughed until you cried: Yes, I have! The joke was funny but I was also pretty sad so I started crying heheh 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I mean we all have, right? Usually they just say I'm quiet and don't talk much 19. Met someone who changed you: yes, and they are the person that's drifting away from me ;w; 20. Found out who your friends are: yep! They're the people who make me happy and look forward to a new day!  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: lmao wtf no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don't have Facebook lol 23. Do you have any pets: i have two smol chihuahuas, a smol yorkie, and a tol bulldog. I also have 3 goats, a pig, and a cat!!  24. Do you want to change your name: absolutely not! my name has meaning to my family and I wouldn't change it for the world!  25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I think I just hung out with the fam... I don't exactly remember  26. What time did you wake up: I woke up at 5:54am but then I fell back asleep for 5 minutes 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was watching anything related to marvel or captain america... also procrastinating

28. Name something you can’t wait for: getting the fuck out of high school. I don't want to deal with any of these teachers anymore 

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: i’m sitting in the living room with her 😂 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my awkwardness 

31. What are you listening to right now: Glorious (ft. Skylar Grey) by Macklemore 

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope!  33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my best friend has been avoiding me for a week. almost going onto 2 weeks.  34. Most visited website: Tumblr.  35. Mole/s: EVERYWHERE  36. Mark/s: Mostly on my arms and legs. Those are scars from being too rough in activities. I have one scar on the start of my eyebrow that goes to my forehead (there's also a little indent on my forehead from that scar).  37. Childhood dream: i have always wanted to be a superhero. The heroes that I aspired to be would be The Flash or Captain America. I thought they were awesome!! I started playing sports and running a lot so I could be as strong and fast as them. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a superhero to save people, to keep my family safe and “everyone in the entire universe” lol 38. Hair color: blackish/brownish 39. Long or short hair: long hair  40. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes... my best friend who is the one avoiding me.... who is the “"issue” of the week. He likes me or one of my best friends and I'm torn because she also likes him and I don't know what to do...  41. What do you like about yourself?: My fighting spirit and stubbornness? Like I get determined when I think of saving people and actually doing something for the world. If i get hurt, i tend to shake it off and get back into the fight and help my team out. My stubbornness could be a gift or a curse depending on the situation lol 42. Piercings: just ear piercings but i never wear earrings  43. Blood type: O- or O+. I'm not sure which one though  44. Nickname: My-My, MJ, Mya-Papaya, or Papaya  45. Relationship status: im experienced but I'm single rn  46. Zodiac: i’m a taurus  47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show(s): Supernatural, Sherlock, The Walking Dead, South Park, Riverdale, Stranger Things, and pretty much all the basics i guess 50. Right or left hand: im right handed!!  51. Surgery: never had surgery  52. Hair dyed in different color: i wish i could! My hair is super dark so I don't want to risk ruining my hair by bleaching it ;w; ive always wanted pastel pink  53. Sport: LETS GO FÚTBOL  55. Vacation: i’ve always wanted to go to europe. Anywhere! It doesn't matter just take me there and I'd be happy! I'd also like to go to Japan!  56. Pair of trainers: my adidas are my life 

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Canes  58. Drinking: Still coke 59. I’m about to: go do some homework  61. Waiting for: the journey of a lifetime  62. Want: someone to love! someone to care for and look out for! a shoulder to cry on!  63. Get married: aaa... I'm waiting for that day to come. I just want a happy marriage  64. Career: i want to be either and artist for disney (?), engineer, architect, or a songwriter if I can! I REALLY want to be a firefighter so I could help people but I don't think I'm physically ready for that ;w;

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: WHY NOT BOTH  66. Lips or eyes: eyes  67. Shorter or taller: lol I'm 5′1 everyone is going to be taller than me  68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: AGAIN WHY NOT BOTH 71. Sensitive or loud: It'd be nice if they were a mix of the two but I'd prefer loud  72. Hook up or relationship: relationship! hook ups are a little sketchy  73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant? troublemaker? which should I choose~?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: nope!  75. Drank hard liquor: nope!  76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: many, many times... 77. Turned someone down: yes.... I regret it  78. Sex on the first date: NO  79. Broken someone’s heart: i think i did.... if I did recently then i’m truly sorry  80. Had your heart broken: going through that right now..... 81. Been arrested: I’VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH AUTHORITY (lmao no I've never been arrested)  82. Cried when someone died: who the hell doesn't?  83. Fallen for a friend: like the person who tagged me... #ATTACKED IM FEELING PERSONALLY ATTACKED 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: i try!  85. Miracles: 100% 86. Love at first sight: I'm not sure..... 87. Santa Claus: SANTA IS REAL  88. Kiss on the first date: lmao I actually had my first kiss on my first date so I guess it's fine if you want to do it 

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Nic, Vannah, and Ellie!! ;3 91. Eye colour: DARK AS HELL BROWN THAT ALMOST LOOKS BLACK  92. Favourite movie: ANY MARVEL MOVIE (they always make me feel badass when i walk out the theatre lol) 

Don't know that many people to tag but to my two smol beans @moody-gay and @anemischan

yallnve realized by now that this is a fulltime 100% narnia blog...and as i havent slept since finding out someone somewhere was set on making "the silver chair" into a movie & the dynamic world of narnalysis is the best i can offer,

first of all im like.........ya rly gonna just jump into the silv chair!! im not really interested w the details on what anyone plans to do with the content b/c i donno, ive never been really interested in the book. not because its like bad or anything, actually it's probably the most cinematic in terms of things actually happening at a steady rate. i just like what i like, maybe because its sort of lower scale? whatever. its not like its hard to make into a movie i dont think, is what im saying. that would be either the horse and his boy or prince caspian, probably the latter b/c like a genuine 1/3 of it is an expository flashback. but all of the books are bit tricky to adapt coz theyre just short, you have to pad basically all of them in some way or another. but sure. silver chair. w/e

the thing is that you Have to assume despite starting afresh that theyre doing this one since the first three books have been recently filmed? and this being the fourth. but How Are You Going To Just Jump Into This One. thats an awful lot of exposition thats being built on, at this point in the game we're neck deep in the Lore. you'd really just have to have read the previous books or at least seen the movies. are they counting on the audience to have done that? but at the same time its really not fair to fully rely on that. in the book you can go "read the other books" and wave it off in a sentence of "and then they explained it all" which does tend to happen in the actual text a fair amt. its a bit awkward in movie form though? its a plot point right off that eustace knows who prince/king caspian is. so then you have to sum up dawn treader. and that has to do with what happened in prince caspian, in which the plot of lww is pretty important. like, alright, possibly you could just explain tvotdt & take it from the perspective of the girl who doesnt know crap about narnia yet? but thats not nearly as good a starting point as lww. on account of that ones meant to be a starting point! i'll see scholastic / any publishings that try to push magician's nephew as the first book In Hell, frankly. strongest narnpinion right there. the published order over the chronological order

anyways i'm sure it can be figured out, its just.......Interesting to think how the silver chair intro might be made into Intro To Narnia v.2.0? will they even try or will it be "ok but seriously just have read the books or whatever before you come in here." mystery unfolds

another thing thats interesting is that lww is clearly abt like, hey kids here's a version of the resurrection for you. whereas silver chair doesnt have anything to do w any Biblical Events at all (tho of course neither does prince caspian, tvotdt, or the horse & his boy). it is instead about how atheists will try to steal your firstborns for.................reasons. (no reason, theyre just evil.) this one is just a major amplified version of another particularly ridiculous CS Lewis Apologism Favorite that runs through the books: that when it comes to having no Faith (in aslan but you know also the abrahamic god) everyone who doubts aslan/god is like, actively lying to themselves, because they have that Gut Feeling telling themself that their faith is not only whats righteous but also whats true. the gut feeling of truth is a big theme in the books, shit hinges on it all the time and makes doubt all Clearly Sinful instead of a reasonable result of aslan effing off for centuries or whatever. and speaking of, god only knows if lewis is really suggesting that real life doubt or nonreligiousness is 100% populated by people who are clenching their fists like "i know in my heart jesus is real but i dont want to believe it so i won't, damnit!" which yknow makes no sense for like....life, and uh? i dont know what its supposed to mean for like....other religions? i dont think he's about putting the nuance that not every concept of religious Faith is the same as in christianity into this book, i dunno abt his thoughts irl. lord knows its a mystery how he thinks that "if jesus wasnt lying and jesus wasnt Insane then christianity is real" argument means anything. nothing in the world fits that argument for finding out if something is true or not........and also it hinges on that concept of "insanity" which......like.......i'm sure is all about nice 1940s ideas of how "insane" people act. its shit, throw it out, i mean. and besides? as though theres a Logic argument to prove christianity as truth? have you just Solved religion, lewis? have you? sometimes, i swear..

anyhow so in the silver chair its just a big ol festival of his "atheists are lying to themselves" and "atheism starts by someone who Knows The Truth (jesus is real) lying to others, likely aka the devil or whatever, and the stand-in for the devil is a witch again." and lewis really seems fond of the allegory of the cave. smh! like, in that allegory "knowing" that your faith is true is impossible! but youre also out here arguing its logically provable? and don't forget the gut feelings thing. but it makes NO sense for him to drop it into this book universe because in this allegory the prince captured by atheists & the protags are people who have hopped into the cave and seen the sun and shit!! they dont need to be the people who have only ever seen shadows who need to be convinced that an outside world can exist!!! bitch!!! get your allegory in order. silver chair just.....lord. the lying babysnatching atheists

a n y w a y s . . . thats a weird conflict to put in your third act, and its also a weird argument to make re christianity, that even though you acknowledge its impossible to know that your faith is in something thats real, you're willing to risk it? its sort of like that idea that you might as well be religious even if you dont "believe" any religion is true, because you lose nothing and potentially gain both comfort in life and reward in an afterlife. but its kind of a big deal in christianity that you're supposed to believe that what you believe in Is Literally Real. maybe apologists are allowed to do that sort of thing in their arguments, i suppose. its like in the last battle where he has a dude who believes in another deity accepted into the christian afterlife b/c despite a lack of belief, his virtuous nature is, from a practical standpoint, accepted to be for all intents and purposes to be equivalent to having believed in the christian god, like if he happened to follow all other rules except the Believing In Jesus one then he's good to go anyhow. interesting in that its also supposed to be pretty vital in christianity that one has to accept jesus as god in order to be Saved all up into heaven! i suppose that guy in the book was meant to have been converted right before death or whatever. at that point its very unclear who is exactly dead or not, but probably everyone. still, aslan clearly makes the argument that "basically you might as well have been believing in me, so you're good to go." fascinating stuff. another one to ask lewis abt

uhhhh another point is that i think theyre intending to make other movies also? but not all four remaining ones!! and if i had to guess which one they'd be leaving out uhh lets say....the horse & his boy....................which conveniently is the other sort of sparsely plotted one. two kids ride horses towards narnia, briefly have to have a shenanigansy undercover sneak through a crowded city, ride towards narnia some more, and then one of them stays at some guys house while the other kid goes into narnian battle where he himself doesnt actually do anything, but that fact is described pretty funnily. its still sort of a fun one, on account of the sneaking around hijinx, and the fact that it happens to give ANY of the details of what tf the pevensies did for like the twenty years they reigned over narnia's golden age which the lww just tells you absolutely n o t h i n g about! the answer is: a lot of battling probably, on account of narnia went from being ruled for a century by someone who could kill you in a second and also why would you have invaded narnia at that time, it wouldve been like trying to invade russia. but then a bunch of kids took the throne and upended the whole system and the snow went away, it seems like a destabilizey time to invade or whatever. imo. but then again they mightve bought themselves a few years on account of aslan having shown up and all. but lbr, they were just put into battle right off and coronated three seconds later, theres no reason on that front that they wouldnt shy away from having more battles. and the books said there were a lot of battles. and in thahb, its like, well we've been battling a lot lately and now we're in shenanigans and we'll just have to battle our way out of it, which they absolutely do. edmund straight up decapitates a guy. how ARE they supposed to just transition immediately into english schoolchildren after a couple decades of that mess??? they even have the fancy courtly speech. its magic i suppose

the point is its kind of a fun book, oh also, aslan is TOP shenanigans in this one. he straight up actually attacks one of the protagonists, for Reasons, but still. not that he doesn't murder the pevensies in the last book. i mean, i guess you could argue that its just like Divine Coincidence where what with the unaligned timelines betwixt england and narnia, aslan couldve just picked the moment everyone was gonna die anyway and just tossed them over to X point in time in narnia. but I Donno.....im kinda with that university student who's stressing about whether aslan cause ww2 for the purpose of sending the pevensies to the wardrobe. like, that train accident that killed everybody killed four people on the platform & five people on the train in different carriages and everything, or maybe the numbers are switched because i dont remember where lucy was. im saying, that was a hell of a crash. but sure. anyhow, even more fun, aslan appears as a cat to the Other protag while he's spending a night on the edge of the wilderness, and scratches him for saying he once threw rocks at a stray cat. like, hard #same, aslan!!! wtf dude why arent YOU being claimed by satan

whats also fun is that it doesn't really take place in narnia, which is also the reason besides pacing that you wouldnt really want to make this one into a film? because uhhhh the whole worldbuilding lewis crapt upon everyone for calormen is clearly racist as fuccck. if you arent already familiar with all the books (namely this one and i suppose the last battle) then its like.....i guess its some sort of vague notion of the ottoman empire? its really just a mashup of any number of white-english-variety racist notions. everyone is brown, is it an inaccurate stab at an amorphous amalgam of middle eastern culture? east asian? are people islamic or hindu? just try and guess what he was going for because its just. not based on anyone needing to know anything about reality. lewis was against seasoning food i guess, because it will mention i guess like, people cooking with onions like the heathens they are. (spoilers: this country just exists in the narniaverse to represent Those Heathens). its not necessarily an Evil place, they are noble savages ok!! with their formal seriousness and cutthroat customs.......b/c they are not as advanced and peaceful as the white northern christians, see. closer to the less developed violence of their inherently backwards ways and Cruel Society reigned by violence DONT CONVERT OR YOU'LL DIE, KIDS. but also.....you wont be white? the reason of calormens existence is really never explained. telmarines came from englandverse on accident thru a magic portal just lying around, possibly thats whats meant to have happened there too? its never attempted to be explained. anyways its basically the intro to the disney aladdin.

lewis is entirely inconsistent and self contradictory all throughout the series for the sake of the authors convenience. this is part of what makes the stories fun and the worldbuilding charming. it is also what allows him to pull stunts that have you pinching the bridge of your nose in exasperation and writing out essays to try to figure out how narnia is supposed to work. it is also what allows him, five books in, to be like, "here is the country to the south where the demon-worshipping gross scary brown uncivilized folk sit around hating narnia and confirming any racist notion you have about any nonwhite nonchristian country or culture." thanks, clive

its of course ludicrous and, of course, the protagonist shasta just so happens to be white despite being raised calormene. spoilers, he is narnian. or really from archenland, which isnt narnia but is still white and pro-narnia so its alright. i mean, technically narnia is allied with calormen at all points in time of the series? calormen just quietly tries an invasion in that book and also in the last book. so thats interesting. i suppose lewis is anti-crusades, which is big of him. the pevs arent out here trying to conquer calormen and convert them to narnianism. so that must not be the Destiny of the true christian? or are we meant to believe calormenes are beyond help? shasta who is of course secretly not "really" calormene is still representing someone undergoing "conversion," yet again, the guy is white. i suppose being brown is whats hopeless?

theres an inadvertently laughable line at the start of the book where a calormene expositorially points out that shasta is white by comparing him to the "accursed but beautiful" narnians. who are all white? is he just talking about the pevensies? the archenlanders (i cant remember where theyre meant to have come from either.) are like, all humanoid narnian natives white?? wtf, aslan. anyways, the dialogue is unnatural and funny enough, but its also like.....ok lewis, we got it, whiteness is the standard for all universes and everyone wishes they were white. stupid, sexy narnians.

what alllllmost suggests that being a poc isnt an automatic fastpass to hell is that im fairly sure the second protagonist aravis is a nonwhite calormene?? i dont remember it ever saying she was "fair" like the narnians the way the book immediately points out that shasta is. she is of course escaping an arranged marriage (the calormene plot to sort of vaguely try to invade narnia is also based on forcing susan to marry a dude she doesnt like yet who she apparently genuinely considered as a suitor when he wasnt acting like a jerk? so not only a dude who isnt white but a dude who isnt aslanian christian. its a whole complicating element to just toss out in this otherwise flat af worldbuilding, dude!! not to mention? despite the battles and shit, susan was out here considering marriage? how absolutely fucked up would it have been if any of them married and then effed off back to england. moving along) but she is from the start portrayed as equally sympathetically as shasta and nothing about her is pointed out as being Bad and Reprehensible, which the narration has no qualms about doing. she even gets to spend some time with her calormene friend, who is not exactly meant to be as sympathetic or noble but certainly isnt portrayed as at all evil. like...theres at least the occasional exception apparently, in which maybe not every person is inherently evil and violent and cruel. who knows

also aravis definitely later marries the white protag?? but apparently interracial marriage isnt entirely Unthinkable here. wait, also, aravis claims to be somehow a direct descendant of the calormene god tash? first of all, is that true, comma, possible? in the last book its confirmed that tash is real, albeit, like, a demon. dunno what c.s. is telling us with that one. is aravis related to a demon. we can only guess on account of the theme of Inconsistency

anyways. i suppose you could make it into a movie if you just threw out the racist shit. but the "calormen is also distinguished from narnia via its religion" element is also a touch janky. can it be thrown out too? if they intend to produce the last battle, will it be thrown out then. it kind of comes up again. if you get rid of those elements though, the stakes get a little blurrier and more political and more "wait well why would they have any beef with each other in the first place" if you cant just easily point out that the calormenes are shaking their fists at the narnians and their demon worship and their jealousy at not being white. again, are all centaurs white or something? wtf

truly calormene is the most racist ass shit in the whole series, but the concept comes up in less painfully direct ways other times, too. why are there native species in narnia that are considered inherently evil?? sure, the white witch as the stand-in for the devil wasn't originally from narnia. was she creating shit too? i dont remember what she was up to on account of i havent read the magicians nephew in a hot minute. i know they had to take a pegasus into a garden of eden type shit to smoke her out of wherever she was lurking for some reason or another. still. whys there whole types of creatures who are universally and unilaterally condemned? i know we're meant to believe that they just have evil intent according to their nature, but uh....theres no point at which any of these creatures are given a chance? maybe they served the white witch because she was nice to them for once. you're not given the chance to know. EXCEPT for the fact that you get shit like: giants are evil save for the occasional exception, like in lww when a "good" giant is described as having like, a long family line, and "traditions." not like Those Sorts. they do talk in like prince caspian and shit, when their numbers are miserable and theyre discussing tactics, whether to get help from the gross hags and harpies and etc and ppl will talk about Those People and Sorts and Rabble and its like...jfc. b/c apparently sommme of them can be decent! if theyre a giant or whatever. and meanwhile the dwarfs are always chaotic neutral or whatever. not believing in aslan but not necessarily being anti-narnia coz they live there. but sometimes being good guys!! but sometimes being bad guys, and jadis was cool to them apparently. like.................theres definitely cases of Types of narnians who fall outside the "born good / born bad" system, and thats pretty fucked. wolves too? theyre the Talking Beasts aslan definitely created, but on the side of the white witch? how was she having trees be on her side, too? whats going on around here. whats the moral meant to be. smh

uhh well anyhow, you could do a nice essay on gender re narnia. on account of sometimes its staleass typical sexist tropes like uhh, say,, the devil stand-ins keep being women? witches, ok. and the idea of "women need to be protected as pure creatures" as a basic sexist notion, and even lewis taking a relatively subdued jab at the idea of calling that sexist. susan being the miniature mom character type, and of course the infamous last battle bit where, in an attempt to describe her lack of spirituality as a self-insert of what lewis considered his own period of fake maturity via rejection of christianity, she's of course not only described as not believing in narnia (which????? what is anyone supposed to make of that. again, in the allegory of the cave shit, she's been outside the cave!!! she lived in narnia for YEARS AND YEARS and then WENT BACK. how are we supposed to believe she just convinced herself it wasnt literally real? its not quite the same as someone losing their faith in christianity.) but as like, wearing makeup, damn her. even if he wasnt trying to make the point that "look at boys and go to hell" which, i suppose he couldnt, as in narnia susan was being courted just fine as queen, yet i suppose also she didnt marry anyone—anyways, of course its still sexist to slight the way she decides to dress as some form of false maturity, even if its meant to be metaphor. just clumsy af & not great when again, devils are always witches around here. and being younger is to be more spiritually pure which like............mmm ok. this is sort of another one of those weirdly sexless fantasy universes, why do those keep happening. i mean sure this is a christian fairy tale for kids. but nobody even gets married save for in the last paragraphs of a couple books. its left a bit ambiguous whether thats even spiritually acceptable in the narnia rules, unless its to Continue the Line a la the telmarine monarchy from caspian the first to tirian the whateverth. hm

but also of course you get the young girl characters being...somewhat almost allowed to fight (archery mainly) but anyways at least being given equal status to the boys who are there also. theres even mention of once apparently narnia being ruled by a queen w no kings around. fantastic. and theres some non-witch lady characters on occasion. the human characters are where the dynamics are most at, i suppose, but anyways this at least has some nuance & at times seems to go just a bit beyond what you might expect from some old dude in the 50s. still not that surprising or innovative, but not completely flat, and seeming to contain at least a little reflection upon the topic

the essay of race re: narnia would be really short though. Its Racist Af. if you threw classism in too, you might get a bit more length out of it. but really its just so flat in this subject, and totally needless. there's the fact that even narnia is ruled by white english people but.....you can really do without juxtaposing this with the heinous nonwhite country somewhere over there. the rest of the books operate just fine w/o this

tolkien mentioned HIS scary brown backwards civilization to the south a lot more fleetingly in lotr but its....v much the same worldbuilding as narnia??? aka middle earth is pretty much an imaginary proto-england where you dont want to go too far east or south or you run into dangerous &/or inherently evil territory!! ok, jrr.....who was the other people in the inklings?? what did they write. could no one rein these guys in. coz lewis is over here with his Alternate Universe england. with uhhhh wilderness to the north and west and the dangerous evilish racismland to the south. and the ocean and dont forget narnia is a flat earth to the east. also? why are the lone islands like that. can aslan take care of some of that shit. for gods sake. anyways. the all-white good guys / evil poc should be thrown out of everything, thats not what makes the worldbuilding in either lotr or chronarnia at all interesting. yet is it is surely a subsection of the inherent Englishness of both examples........it warrants analysis but not "carrying on into films or anything based on either's precedence in the fantasy genre."

god who knows what im talking about at this point. im just saying "if they arent looking to even bother trying to wrangle the horse and his boy into something not ludicrously racist then i wouldnt be at all surprised." still, do you suppose theres like a curse where unless all narnia books are given some sort of film adaptation, the world won't know peace? more likely the world would end, maybe. the curse of clive. i dont really remember but that elder bbc series sure didnt cover the whole saga

well this is long enough but lets all set off in more endless, doomed narnalysis, such as

my thesis on trying to figure out what. the Fuck any reader is supposed to make out of edmund's role in the lww

whats the deal with merpeople?!

where are all these witches coming from, anyways

seriously if the narnians were just less murderous to the Undesirable species would they have been on the pro-aslan side all along

if there was only two humans staying in narnia at its birth, wouldnt their line like, die out immediately with their kid.

where did the archenlanders come from

where did the calormenes come from

oh yeah and like. are we seriously meant to believe that, at the end of the world, when aslan reveals that being goodnatured supercedes having the Wrong Religion, there is only one calormene in all of a) current existence and b) history who fits the bill? really. why even bring it up, then.

how did narnians react to their four monarchs completely disappearing......for real.....and what happened to the line to the throne?? was there just no ruler until the telmarines came in and took things over for the rest of the few centuries or whatevs.

when was that deep magic in lww written? at the start of narnia? coz thats the magicians nephew. again, how tf did the white witch get any leverage in that one. how was that supposed to be a good idea. wtf. see my thesis

whats the white witch supposed to represent as a stand-in for the devil? not helping that i dont remember the details of magicians nephew for shit, but she's definitely in the Multiverse lore of narnia as being from a different world as narnia and england. wtf is like...her nature

how weird is it in narnia that you have a god who drops in confused alien children to both go on personal journeys and save the world? is narnia-aslan/earth-jesus also dropping other children from other worlds into other other worlds? via other forms? hmm

lewis is all but inviting us the readers to be filling in the blanks with narnia fic. he's basically like, outright actually inviting fic with people wanting to speculate what happens with susan, who must inevitably return to narnia as lewis intends her to represent his own departure from (and obvious inevitable return to) christianity

a weird detail that is also never elaborated on: in addition to the narrator freely inserting loads of opinions into the narration, there's a time or two its made clear that like, the narrator has gotten this info from interviewing the characters. how'd you know about that last battle, "they all died and this happened in the afterlife" shit, huh. just another weird element

sussing out other lewispinions, like how he hates all schools apparently

narnia vs middle earth!! both quasi englands, both pre industrialization, both with christ figures running around some more than others, both with the need for rightful kings, totally different roles for humans tho. well, thats the whole comparison

and, inevitably, more.

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

Copy pastas bitch u mad mf ugly b looking like the little ginger kid from little einstein kill urself btch ill shoot u mf ass meet me irl fuck outta here wicho dorito ass shaped head btch albino gorilla lookin ass mf ill flame u dumb spotty white pizza shaped head lookin elongated ass nose marshmallow man crusty ass mf self right here btch Wow. Okay. OKAY. OKAY. Yabba Dabba FUCK you and YABBA DABBA FUCK your shitty FUCKING memes. You are literally worth nothing to me. If I saw your FUCKING UGLY ASS FACE on the street, I'd take a big loaded shotgun to your mouth, faggot. I have always wanted to murder you, your family, your friends, and your pet goldfish since the day I was born. Brain Blast? How about I fucking blast your faggot ass brain with a shotgun. I want to fucking candy crush your face through a mother fucking wall. You are the reason why babies cry. Fuck your memes. Fuck you. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. Try fucking saying that to be in REAL life where you aren't surrounded by a precious username and see what happens, weakling. I have guns. Many guns. Guns that I could take to your head and blow it out right now. You hear me? Good. Astounding! You have managed to expend effort creating a non-random string of characters which usually convey meaning, yet your overall comment was ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS! It is as though all of the industries of mankind were operated in reverse, with great will and endeavor being used to convert items of usefulness into worthless bare materials! you are the antithesis of all that is grand and great about mankinds capacity for thought and self-determination. You sir, are the mirror image of a meaningful entity, lower than base matter, lower than oblivion, because unlike the brutish deterministic plasma of the unreasoning cosmos, you CHOSE to be without value or worth. Or in the parlance of thine own ilk: LOL N0 UR GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!11ONE!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!11! hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!! love and waffles, t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy 😉 nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles hi every1 im new… holds up fedora. my name is bob but feel free 2 call me t3h fedora of D0oM!!!!!!! as u can see im very sophisticated and intelligent,…. that y i came to this atheist subreddit so i can meet other smart atheists -.- im 46 years old (i still act like im 10 lol) i like 2 watch jeopardy w/ my grandma (yes ive seen her naked….) we enjoy yelling "suk it trebek" at the screen.. my grandma is smart 2 but she is a jew. so i came here 2 meet new people like me (smart atheists) like they say op is a faggot lol!!!! lol ok guyz anyways plz give me lots of upboats. I LIKE CEREAL!!!!!!!! oops sorry lol i have adhd lol ok toodles!!!!! waffles and luvs, bob hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up rules* my name is skeen but u can call me t3h k1ng 0f /r/ath3ism!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very skeptical!!!! thats why i created, 2 meet random skeptics like me ಠ_ಠ… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!! in fact im an atheist!!!) i like 2 destoy christins w/ tuber (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite past time!!! bcuz its SOOOO rewarding!!!! hes skeptic 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random atheists =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of subjcts here so give me lots of power!!!! LOL UR BANNED JIJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein moderator again again ^_^ hehe…toodles!!!!! love and cheetos, *~t3h K1nG 0f /r/ath3ism~* What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now, lad. My Nana is still a looker, even at eighty. Whenever I bathe her in the driveway, I'm always impressed by her sinewy physique. I'll be like "Nana you're ripped bro" and she'll be like "nothing but clean living and good genes" then I'll be like "clean living? You ain't been sober an entire day since Nixon was still on the teet" and she'll be like "you'd drink too if you had such a shitty family" and I'll be like "maybe if you didn't have so much side wang pop-pop wouldn't have moved to Reno" and she'll be like "he moved to Reno because Schenectady was getting overrun with Mexicans" and I'll be like "Nana that's racist" then she'll say "then why don't you move there." This goes on until I'm done hosing her off, at which point I take her back inside, but her in front of a TV playing Diagnosis: Murder reruns, and give her a box of wine with a straw. Old people need the routine. forgive english, i am Russia. i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss. wWe sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though. I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass. @