#its just ive read like 15 with the same plot and its amazing
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And you know what? I eat it up every time.
#tenrose#rose tyler#tenth doctor#doctor who#fanart#doctor who fanart#dw#suggestive cw#hehehehhehehehehehehehe#i love them#its just ive read like 15 with the same plot and its amazing#i love drawinghim goofy#silly silly man#if you wanna see more tenrose shitposts join my discord....#ill share my wips and doodles there
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what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool
oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)
i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.
i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.
i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!
okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:
ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.
i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking
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i think tony gilroy changed cassian's backstory just to live out his diego as stalin fantasy. there's that one interview where he's fawning all about it
lol i do not think thats true asdjsadhasdhjaskdh
guys im irked at gilroy too but he said he used stalin's early work as a thief to finance the revolution as inspiration for the heist. here's the whole quote including the question from rolling stone:
The previous set piece was the heist. And one thing that this show does that’s never been even discussed before in the Star Wars saga is focus on funding the Rebellion. It drives multiple plot points of the show. It’s such an obvious driver of the story, except no one’s ever done it before, so it can’t be that obvious. How did you get there?
This goes directly back to what I said before. Literally, I’m the classic old white guy who just can’t get enough history. The last 15 years, I’ve been reading all non-fiction. There’s an amazing book called Young Stalin [by Simon Sebag Montefiore].
The opening chapter is this incredible [potential] movie sequence where Stalin is part of staging a major bank robbery in a Georgian town in 1907. It involves 15 people and hookers and teamsters and all these things. Stalin was Lenin’s financier. He was a thief. And the reason Lenin loved him so much was he kept bringing the money. They needed money. This shit all costs money. People gotta eat, they gotta get guns. You gotta get stuff.
It’s knowing that and wanting to say something about that. Almost no one ever pays attention to that part of it. It’s an underutilized area of storytelling. I’m always obsessed with what my characters make and where they’re getting their money.
If you look at a picture of Young Stalin, isn’t he glamorous? He looks like Diego! We’re not doing [the] Stalin show. But, it’s fascinating. All through every revolution, it’s the same thing. It takes coin. Look at Exodus, where they’re trying to get money for Palestine.
LOL bro im dead tho @ glamor young stalin he was kinda hot tbh asdhuaslhd oh no now someone's gonna call me a fucking tankie
thats all he says, its not like he wrote the entire show to make cassian into a stalin figure lmfao he just got inspiration about how to fund the rebellion from how the russian revolution got funding. it's not like he's saying stalin was lit and cassian is stalin 2.
im all for criticizing tony gilroy lol ive done it a lot, but he says 'we're not doing the stalin show' lol he just joked that diego and young stalin are good looking guys XD i don't think they looks super alike but whatever lol im more irked by the promotion of exodus, which is just propaganda
btw i do think he’d WANT to do the stalin show tho idk sounds gay
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omg HAHAH yess epic winter is banger!! im thinking 🤓🤓 that ngl i dont really like that faybelle didn't really "learn"(?) much out of it? like the whole signing a deal without reading. like we can tell she's implied to BE better cus she's in the bff pics in crystal's room at the end but it feels so rushed? in a sense 🤠🤠🤠 like i get she's gonna be a villain eventually but like man come on do my girl some justice 😔😔👎 like when i saw the outfits when i was a wee lil kid i was like THIS IS THE MOST GORGEOUS THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! esp faybelle's and her crystal wings i need to kiss whoever thought of that that was GENIUS 🤯🤯🤩🤩
ok yes but it feel like jackie frost and northwind's takeover of the snow kingdom was ALSO rushed like the ppl were fs like "OH HECK WE HAVE NO MORE TIME EVERYONE GOGOGO LET GOOD WIN ASAP" like they were annoying but like not omg i NEED to punch them annoying ykwim AKKDLWG maybe it's just me LOL but yes way too wonderland is super banger too!!
esp that scene where raven returned the pages to each chara HELLOOOO that was so tear jerking i may or may not have shed a tear esp after apple's character development!! in the whole do you wonder song where they all got pretty wonderlanderful outfits idk maybe it's bc im just pessimistic but if i was darling and i didnt have a whole transformation with them and ended up in a tree and woke up only when they left idk how 15yo me would have took it LMAOO 😭😭😭 defo not well tbh i would have CRIED but darling is so cool i love her aaaaa (can she save me too i mean WHAT)
oh lord i lost the plot BUT yeah i fr thought eah was super super popular too but i guess not?? maybe bc we were young so we didn't know. also i can get why people find apple annoying but most of them don't talk about/see her development like ok it's not the best and she can grow more but her change and how much she grew is amazing esp for a 15-17y.o. like i just KNOW the same people who hate her are the same people who complain about characters who have no flaws like ???? how do u hate development but also hate no development can u pick a struggle 😭😭🤠🤠
but yes i did wanted to ask on ur opinion on the characters (like apple) too. maybe i should make a 20(?) questions thing for eah bc my brain is WORKING 😃👍 i agree that eah had so much potential esp for all the characters' development!! and also!! omg which dolls do u have :O
also girl (is this gendered term ok with u btw, bc i can stick with slayer if not!) did u leave ur computer on bc i slept at 5:30am (for me) and it's almost 3pm now and u are still online HELP 😭⁉️ and yes i DID sleep ok (lol <3 hrs gang wya) THIS GOT SO LONG LMFAO I THINK ITS GONNA BE SPLIT NAURRR (update it's not somehow :O) istg i NEED eah to come back apparently the last activity/media/wtv of it was back in 2018 can mattel use all the barbie profits to fund a reboot PLSSS 😔😔
but i would like to say thank u for returning the energy and answering everything om 😭😭🩵🩵 ive always struggled w that growing up woop so it feels weird but amazing owo (i didnt answer about niki Lol looking forward to the fic and the references!!also common niki L (affectionate) hehe 🥰🥰
yesss i completely get what ur saying i feel like towards the end of the series they definitely rushed some things but it still slapped🙏🙏🙏 THE OUTFITS WERE ALWAYS AMAZINGGG like for literally everything they somehow managed to make every character wear a drop dead gorgeous outfit like even to this day i want to steal all of their wardrobes🤓 faybelle was too queen for everyone to handle but no one’s ready for that 🫡
omfg and rosabella and daring😵💫😵💫😵💫 that shit was crazy to me when i was younger LMFAOOO esp since i was so apple and daring
SPEAKINF OF APPLE im so glad u brought her up because I COMPLETELY AGREE😭😭😭 i literally love apple so much and it pisses me off that people only pay attention to the side of her that’s pushy and stuff and don’t ever talk about her development like?? the thing about apple that most people don’t realize is that she never tried to hurt her friends and that she always only cared about raven, like she pushed raven to follow her destiny because she was worried that raven was going to poof and she didn’t want to see her friend disappear ☝️ and during true hearts day when ashlynn and hunter revealed they were dating apple was confused about it at first but she was willing to push aside all her previous biases against royals and rebels dating to try to understand ashlynn because she CARES about her 😔😔😔 it’s so sad to me that people only pay attention to the annoying side of apple and not the side of her that cares about her friends and is genuinely looking out for them ughhhh i love her sm her character development is so good
that 20 questions thing sounds so fun LOL u should definitely do it🙏 in terms of characters, my top three is ashlynn, cupid, and apple i love them sm☝️☝️☝️ my main character opinion is that apple isn’t the villain that most people make her out to be but this is random but i wish the creators made hunter huntsman hotter LMAOOOO cus i’ve never really found him attarcttive, i like his character and he’s good for ashlynn butttt at the same time ashlynn is really pretty and he’s kind of mid in terms of looks… but he’s nice😋
the dolls i had were all they in their regular outfits, i think it was apple, raven, maddie, and possibly blondie? i cant really remember if i had any more or not but those were the dolls i can think of, i also had other eah branded things because i was literally sooo obsessed like i had a diary that was rebel on one side and royal on the other, and it played the theme song but i lost it😭😭😭😭
yess girl ok with me since i do identify myself as female🙏🙏 i think tumblr just always says i’m active since it’s on my phone LOL idk discord does the same thing for some reason😵💫 and i’m glad u slept well!! istg eah needs to come back or i’ll cry😢 if they come back they should do a live action and i will literally audition to be ashlynn🙏🙏 idc that she’s supposed to be white i’ll be the first asian ashlynn 😜😜
and omg im glad i always try to answer everything when i’m having a conversation with people because i know what it feels like for things to be ignored and i hated that feeling so🙏 but yes look forward to the fic bc i literally finished it today WOO WOO it’s all coming together😍😍😍☝️
#in conclusion apple will always and forever be that girl#❁ཻུ۪۪ ☽༓･ ──── ( messages ! )#❀࿔₊° ──── ( anons ! )
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hi im back bein annoyin as per usual ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
unfortunate news mel; ive tried to read kn8 before and only got to chapter like 5 before giving up idk why i couldnt vibe w it when ive been reading shonen/seinin manga for years 😭 should i give it another try?
same goes for blue lock, i usually really like sports series but i couldnt get onboard w that one either i crie
minty, you're never annoying 💕💕 (esp when it's related to kn8, even when it's unfortunate news...)
...and that is unfortunate news. like dire news. I may be biased bc I love kn8 so much, but I would definitely say to give it another shot! I think at least get through the entrance exam chapters, which I think is probably around ch 10-12? I'm not sure how much you've seen of Kikoru but her and Kafka's relationship and dynamic is just so fucking amazing even in the earlier chapters, so that might also get you more into it.
also, the kn8 plot really goes in a direction I really wasn't expecting about 30-ish chapters in that had it feeling extra fresh. and that's around when the manga really starts to open up its world and introduce a bunch of great characters and shows more of defense force. (also the loml doesn't show up until I think ch 3...8? 39? so I personally would recommend getting to his introduction but that's also...pretty far for a manga you're not feeling lol)
I'm of two minds on the whole "not vibing with a manga":
1) unless a manga does something to immediately turn me off or I know immediately that I'm not gonna like it, I'm pretty generous and give it about 15-20 chs before calling it quits. sometimes it takes a little bit for some manga to get going or for me to really connect with it. that's kind of how I'm feeling with sakamoto days. like I wasn't really feeling it for the first like 10-15 chapters but I'm a little past that and am starting to vibe with it more.
2) while I'm pretty generous with how much leeway I give a manga to hook me in, I'm also very much of the "don't continue something that you're not into" school of thinking. if you have other things you want to read/watch/play/do/whatever then don't waste your time! I drop shows all the time if I'm not immediately into them lol
also, I thought blue lock was the art anime and then looked it up and saw that it's the soccer anime and I'm thinking of blue period lmao also the trailer for the anime looks stupid so I think you're in the right on that one (pls don't come for me blue lock fans 🙏🏽)
tldr pls read kn8 but don't feel bad if you can't get into it! I'll still love you anyways but here's a picture of the loml to maybe entice you...
#minty I would say keep reading for narumi#but that is an unreasonable request if you don't like the manga lol#mel answers
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AL question: is george gonna get any more powerful? i found it a bit odd that so many people could block out his telepathy despite him being a level IV psychic, and ig with dream i understand bc of ~dnf~ reasons. but so many other characters can too??? it could also just be because he's had like zero training but idk. also i just think it'd be pretty badass if george was like mega-powerful, but that'd kinda ruin the whole plot lmao. OOH ALSO [cue rant] i had always wondered: why are psychics so feared in this world???? can't most only just levitate shit and maybe slightly be able to read people's minds???? but then you mentioned something about george flying and i got confused, so i did a ton of research (bc im a nerd), specifically about telekinesis/telepathy, and i found out that THEY ARE SO FUCKING COOL????? HELLO?????? i found this like whole wiki page about telekinesis (i totally recommend you check it out it's awesome) and let me tell you, i was FLABBERGASTED. LIKE HOLY SHIT???? GEORGE COULD POTENTIALLY WARP REALITY OR BECOME FUCKING IMMORTAL IF HE WANTED TO, IS THAT NOT THE COOLEST?????? now ofc, i have no idea how powerful you're gonna make george, and this not me trying to convince you to change your story. obviously you're the author here, i'm merely just an excited reader. BUT HOLY SHIT TELEKINESIS IS NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH (and neither is george for that matter). anyways yea, i hope you enjoyed my massive rant. i usually only get this excited abt stuff when i'm blown away by its quality, so keep up that amazing work! <3
I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ANON
The answer is a resounding: YES! It's not so much that he's going to get more powerful but that he's going to gain more control of his abilities. The whole thing about superpowers is often that even if someone might have a lot of power, it doesn't necessarily mean they can channel it. The more power you have, the harder it is to use in a stable manner. Think of it in terms of skill. More skill means you apply it to more things and in different ways—ballet at a beginners level isn't an intensive as professional ballet, etc. Type I Psychics only levitate things, and that's basically it for more Psychics. And if you think about it, you're right. They're not as dangerous as they're made out to be, but ultimately, discrimination doesn't necessarily revolve around logic. Throughout history, humans have outcasted groups of people for reasons that make no sense all solely to have a power dynamic that makes them most powerful. Essentially, it boils down to human psychology, but before I go off, I'll just let the story speak for itself because there will be a lot more of that in Elysium :] I'm a huge psychology nerd aha!
And in terms of the superhero wikia (and the many variants) which I know what you're talking about since it is where I go to for all my superpower info needs, I've been using it since I started this universe back when I was like 15 lmaooo! I LOVE IT!!! I can't say that all the powers are the same because a lot of times it boils down to adaptation. The EM universe doesn't portray as crazy as some of the powers in the wiki, but it's a great source to use when looking for inspiration on how to come up with what kind of powers you want to incorporate into the world, etc. It makes me so happy to you took the time to look into it! I am a HUGE superhero nerd! X-men, Teen Titans, MCU, Arrowverse, DCU shows—I've had hyperfixations everywhere so I just kind of bundled up all my knowledge into a Thanos-level glove to use when I can for the EM universe because it's my baby. Though if I were to compare it, I'd fall most closely related to the X-men because they dealt with a lot of discrimination-based things that to young me was FASCINATING. It's why this universe basically revolves around it since human nature has always been the most fascinating thing to me. Man, I love psychology. Anyway, sorry for the rant, you got me very excited.
Super pumped to share the first chapter of Elysium on December 24th!!! Thank you for the ask and for making me smile and giggle so hard so early in the morning haha! <3
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portal 2 project???
portal 2 has an AMAZING narrative. AMAZING. but if you want to rewatch the story... you cant. your two options are to watch let’s plays and randomly skip around to hopefully hear all the dialogue, or to read the quotes on the wiki... which are seperated by character, not scene, and dont give environmental details. this makes it impossible for people who dont want to put in a massive amount of time in to experience the story of the game in one definitive place. so, i propose:
THE PORTAL 2 PROJECT
the end product of this project would be a video, posted to YouTube, that has all of the relevant scenes and dialogue in order. it would play out like a movie, so people who haven't or don't want to play the game can still enjoy and understand the story in its entirety. it would use screen recordings of the game, so you can see whats happening and hear it.
what would be included in the video:
-any moment where there is dialogue (exceptions listed below)
-plot relevant details: for some examples, getting the portal gun, finding a rattman den, introducing a new puzzle element, when cave says that portals can be placed on the moon. (this is to better help people who aren't familiar with the franchise understand what the things they're seeing on the screen are.) (most of these would be short clips: for example, when hard light bridges are introduced, the clip would show chell walking up to it and standing on it, and then the video would move on.)
-major scenes, obviously. an example is when chell falls into the pit or unlocks old aperture.
-small, funny details. (without lingering for too long.) it wouldn’t be portal 2 if you dont show the little details! examples include the borealis dock, the elevator room screens, or when wheatly is monologuing and you can go back and he’ll keep monologuing (”you’re at my mercy! wait- come back! (chell goes back) FOOL! you’re at my mercy, and i dont have any!”
-exploring the enviroment: for example, the screen recorder would stop to look at the awards in old aperture, zoom in on chell’s name for the potato experiment, listen to the optional/hidden cave experiment dialogue, as well as look at old posters and signs that tell you about the dangers of old ap. just so the audience is grounded.
-ive touched on this in other bullet points, but not everyone has the time or willpower to look for the little hidden things in the game. this would make sure that you get a very full, portal 2 experience.
what would NOT be included:
-puzzle solving. some chambers take a few minutes to solve, and there is no dialogue. this interrupts the story. unless the puzzle solving is relevant to the plot, like quickly introducing new mechanics to the audience, it wont be included.
-unimportant dialogue. for example, in the neurotoxin generator area, whealtly will ramble for - i think i lasted 4 or 5 minutes before i left - a while, just trying to convince the neurotoxin generator to shut itself off or something. while entertaining, it takes away from the focus of the project.
an example of the formatting:
i imagine the format to look something like this: (im using chapter 1 as an example)
-full, uncut opening with the wheately escape. the cameraman waits at the door before opening it so you get his full dialogue. ~5 minutes
-chell goes into her old relaxation vault, listens to the announcer, puts a button on the pressure pad, then enters the elevator. this introduces the button/cube mechanic. (this scene comes directly after the last, with no cuts). since there is announcer dialogue and new mechanics, this stays relatively uncut. ~1 minute
-chell exits elevator, hears funny announcer dialogue. the camera looks at the room for 5 seconds so the audience understands the setting for the scene, as well as the act. ~15-20 seconds
-chell presses a button to open a portal. this is the first time a portal is seen. she walks through the portal. this introduces the core mechanic of the game. (~30 seconds) (once the mechanic has been used once or twice, the rest of the puzzle is cut)
that would be the basic format. for things like multiple uneventful test chambers in a row, it would show slow fading shots of the test chamber number so you understand that time is passing. this would be intercut with shots of the setting.
HOW CAN I GET HELP / THIS PROJECT STARTED??
getting all of this footage is too much for one person. editing it... is too much for one person. ALL OF THE FOOTAGE HAS TO COME FROM PEOPLE WORKING ON THIS PROJECT. IT CANT COME FROM OTHER PEOPLES YOUTUBE VIDEOS. For this project, I’ll need people to record the footage, people to help edit the footage, and 1-3 people who know the story well and are willing to go over the game’s plot and determine what scenes and details we need, so the records know what to record and what to focus on.
Do you want to help capture footage? if so, youll need:
-access to the PC version of the game with LOW LAG gameplay
-a screen recorder program. it CANNOT have a watermark on the finished product. needs to be high resolution footage.
-(the recordings will NOT feature your voice or a face cam.)
-(you do not need mods and please leave the portal gun with its base texture)
-(id be comfortable with each screen recorder person to cover around 1-2 chapters... so maybe 4-5 people, unless i can find more. youd be following some directions on what to record. you do not need to edit, just get the footage.)
Can’t do that? Can you EDIT video footage? you’ll need:
-a video editor. high quality. i dont know the editing industry, i dont know what software exists.
-MUST be able to export it without a watermark and in high quality.
-(each editor will be responsible for a chapter or chapters. then render your final product. one editor will put all of the finished chapters together. this means you can use different software from the other editors, and will have a good amount of control over your assigned part. i dont have a number for how many editors there will be. id like more than one.)
Can’t do that? What about choosing the important scenes and details and acting as a sort of ‘writer’ for the plot? You’ll need:
-a good knowlege of the game and its history and fun facts. if youre obsessed with this game and franchise... yeah same. but as long as youre interested and know it well, thats fine
-be able to browse the wiki
-time to review the game by watching lets plays or playing it yourself
-be able to choose the right details and communicate that to the screen recorders and editors. remember my example about chapter one earlier? youd have to lay it out in a similarly comprehensive way.
-take constructive criticism
-must be older than 14 for this. youve gotta make a lot of decisions in this role. ive seen some really creative and talented high schoolers, so thats where im drawing the age line.
-(im hoping for 1-4 of these people, including myself.)
IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN HELPING, SEND ME A DM. IF YOU’RE CHOSEN TO WORK ON THE PROJECT, I’LL SET UP A DISCORD FOR THOSE INVOLVED. IF THIS GETS SOME SORT OF MASS SUPPORT, I’LL SET UP A DISCORD FOR ANYONE INTERESTED IN UPDATES.
The purpose of this project is to make it so you can relive the portal 2 plot without having to replay the full game. Other methods do not exist. No one video shows the plot in order with ‘filler’ removed. Voice lines exist in text form, but do not capture the visual aspect of the game, or give context, and are not a full experience. This story is a masterpiece and deserves to be edited so it is comprehensive and all in one place. No one will claim credit for owning portal 2 or writing the story - the video is showing gameplay, and just so happens to be the relevant gameplay. However, screen capture, editing, and direction credits will be given to everyone who participates. This project will allow you to introduce friends and family to the game without sending them a video where only 5 minutes out of the 1 hour video is relevant. I have wanted this project for a while, but I’ve realized that I can’t do it alone. Even if you can’t help directly, please spread the word and reblog.
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Wedding Planning -15
18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]
Summary: Princess came home to a whole new set of anxieties. Murder Panther to the rescue via the restorative powers of dick. Unlike the dick, this one is short and sweet.
WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???
Come eating, the L word, criminal activities glossed over, relationship building, plus size woman+fit man, Anxiety, wedding planning comes with its own warning
A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!
I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.
TAGLIST: @chelsfic @symbiont13 @nicke0115 @bunnykjm @rosee-sensuelle @girlpornparadise @mandoplease @heresathreebee @xxsteph-enrixx @jetiikad @joalsglasses @mutantcookiesecrets @demoncatstone @squidlywiddly87 @lockedoutofmyotherblog @poeedamerons @xxidontwikeitxx @kid-from-new-zealand @fleurfatale89 @allalngthewtchtower
You have to make some decisions. Like, a bunch.
Okay, make a list.
You pull the big legal notepad off the bookshelf in your living room and meander around until you find your colored pens. Red for immediate, orange for middling, and green for long-term.
Parameters set, you begin The Listing.
It takes a couple of days, but you think you finally have everything accounted for that you can possibly imagine.
The long term column has vague, nebulous, theoretical problems written in dark green:
-Where will you live?
-Keep your job???
-TAKE HIS NAME?????????
-CONVINCE HIM TO RETIRE
Intermediate consists of things you two need to discuss, too:
-Ceremony?
Where
What type
Who invited
When
-Honeymoon?
-Colors?
-Food (yum/lots plz)
-Flowers eww no ->Alternative bouquet
-People in ceremony???
And then things that need answered like, next week:
-MEET FAMILIES (panic)
-A Dress?
-??????? omg help
You're going to give yourself a panic attack if you keep looking at it. I'll just take it with me this weekend and hand the immediate section to him.
You feel a little better with a plan, even if it only consists of two steps.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diego is standing in the kitchen glaring at the espresso machine when Bastian drops you off at the penthouse.
You glance around, no Julio to be found, before you head over to him. Diego's left hand shoots out and he wiggles fingers at you, trying to grab you despite the twenty foot gap between your bodies. You snort, but its still adorable.
Slotting in underneath his arm, you wind around him with a sigh. "Hi, baby. Whatcha doing?"
Brown eyes come down to you and he smiles widely. "Its not working. How was your trip?" His forehead descends and you rise on tiptoes to meet him.
"Better now that I'm here." You whisper as your lips curl up in a pleased grin. Diego rubs his nose with yours before swooping down for a kiss. The goatee has gotten long enough that its now soft on your chin, but still tickly. Combined with his velvet lips and hot tongue, you almost experience sensory overload. High pitched noises escape your throat while you melt against him. Diego takes your weight with no effort and you don't hesitate to let him. When he finally pulls back you just have to chase him a little; you really, really like the facial hair.
When you finally slit eyes open he is grinning down at you like a cat that got the canary. He sounds so smug, "I should grow out the entire beard?"
You lick your lips and consider the salt and pepper growth that occurred since you saw him last weekend. Your left eyebrow climbs with your own inquiry, "Do you want to live between my thighs?"
"Uh, yes…?" Diego answers what was apparently the stupidest question ever posed. Chocolate eyes sparkle at you as he fails to suppress a smirk. "What do you think the ring is about?"
Your guffaw is cut short when he tosses you up onto the counter and shoves both huge hands down the back of your pants to push them off. The jeggings stretch easily over your hips and Diego, ever efficient when it comes to getting some pussy, takes your thong with them in one swift motion. Bracing hands on those broad shoulders, you wiggle and shift and bend whichever way is necessary to assist. Never let it be said that you are not a team player.
Your left shoe hits the floor and as Diego switches to the right he asks breathlessly, "New?"
"Yeah." Your response is just as rushed as you grab at his hair.
"Pretty." He tosses the right shoe off towards the living room with this proclamation.
Both big hands come up to your knees and spread your legs wide. "Well, thank yourself. I used the black Amex." You chuckle as you lean back on elbows.
Slowly, menacingly, promisingly, Diego rises over the lip of the counter between your legs with that shark smile. He purposely pitches his voice low to rumble, "Good girl."
Your insides liquefy as your back arches and your pussy clenches down on nothing. How the hell does he do that? You can feel yourself getting wet. Fleeting kisses and sharp little nips mark Diego's progress up the inside of your left thigh.
"Hmm." His breath ghosts over your center in the lightest of teases. "What is that method to train again? The treats instead of yelling?" He rubs those bristles you so love over your inner thighs with considerable force and it almost induces a seizure.
"P-postive reinforcement!" Your yelp is exceedingly high pitched. Oh fuck yes, reward me with tongue, I'm a good Princess. You're almost certain that your brain has melted, you have zero sense when it comes to this man.
Diego nips the very bottom of your right buttcheek, so close and yet way, way too far away. "Yesss," he hisses into the short hair just above where you need him most, "That's what its called." The feel of his goatee just barely brushing over your folds while he speaks has turned you into a gibbering mess.
"P-please, Diego. I did like you told me, I didn't even text to ask first, please please…" How he manages to break you down into a begging disaster so quickly is a mystery. Your hands curl into his hair, desperately trying to pull him closer.
"Mm hmm," his deep hum makes you quiver, memories of that sound being delivered straight to your sensitive bundle of nerves via the vehicle of his tongue drive you higher. The rough timbre is dark with desire when he speaks this time, "You were a very good girl. My pretty little Princess is learning well. Let Diego give you your reward."
The heat of his open mouth covering your entire vulva is stunning. Your shoulders fall to the countertop as you moan shamelessly, "Ohhh, yes baby." That sinfully amazing tongue pokes into your entrance then flattens out broadly to lap all the way up to your clit. "Yeah!" Your single breathy yelp is accompanied by a jerk of your wide hips. Diego presses hard and moans.
Your hands slap down on the countertop for leverage so you can press down on him. "Yes, yes. Oh my god, how is, your tongue, so hot??" Breath stuttering, your words are choppy. Your chest jumps each time he groans against you and Diego repeats it again, seemingly just to enjoy your reaction. He pulls off with an obscene slurp, Nonono come back!
"The same way this pretty little pussy is always so tight." The dirty talk is all the warning you get as two thick fingers sink deep inside. It takes a moment to comprehend that the ringing in your ears is an uncomfortable noise emanating from your mouth. He pulls out slowly, making sure you feel every ridge and callus, all the textures, before pushing in again steadily. Each time he retreats your cunt clenches down, trying to hold on to the feeling of being filled. "Did you miss your Diego? Huh?"
There is no earthly reason anyone should be this fucking sexy.
"Only, oh fuck, only when I'm ali-i-i-ive!" The confession ends in a squeal as he bottoms out and rubs your cervix. The cold counter is heating rapidly under your thrashing form. Just as you start to get accustomed to the sensation Diego ups the ante by closing lips over your clit and sucking. Your hips roll against him, he matches the rhythm of his hand with your movements expertly. Legs rising high and spreading wide, trying to give him as much room as possible to work. A broken chant is punched out of you with every thrust, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
The disappointed whine you utter when he breaks the suction is cut off into choked silence by the focused licks he is now delivering. You bury both hands into his short hair and hang on for dear life. His beard rasps against your sensitive skin and the contrasting feelings drive you mad. These are the licks that push you higher, these licks mean business.
Between the long, slow thrusts of his fingers and the never ending laving of your clit, everything is tightening up quickly. Your legs shake and your stomach trembles, you pull on his hair and Diego moans for you. You moan back, "Fuck. Yeah, baby. Just, just keep. Don't stop, please don't stop."
Because Diego is Diego, he doubles down on the pressure and goes even harder with the tongue. Your entire consciousness narrows down to the man between your legs working you over like its his life's mission to make you come on his face. Everything is clinching tighter and tighter. Tense and strung out taut, you call for him as he pushes you right up to the edge and straight over it.
"Diego, Diego. Baby, I- F-fuck, yes, yes. Love you, love you, I fucking love you, I love you." You realize that was aloud but can't be bothered to stop the babbling confession synchronized to the waves of your climax. Diego groans against your clit but keeps his fingers fully buried so you can clamp down on him in ecstasy. You ride it out knowing full well that he won't rush this, he loves to feel the effect he has on you. You have no idea how long it goes on, the agonizing pleasure slowly easing, but your back finally crashes down to the marble while you wheeze in exhaustion.
Using the grip in his hair, you tug gently to pull him off. Looking down over your curves, you flush even more as you watch Diego lick his lips lewdly. I am living in my very own private porno.
Movement further down catches your eye and you realize that this entire time he has been stroking himself with the hand not shoved inside you. His massive cock is already dark and dripping as it pokes out of open pants.
"Your turn." You utter as you reach for him.
"No!" Diego barks and bats your hand away. Is he sick? Do I need to call 911? You're immediately concerned that he might be dying. "Lie back. Be still."
Okay, kinky motherfucker. Of course he has something in mind. You flop down as ordered and Diego moans with satisfaction.
"Yes, good girl. Do as I command and let Diego come all over you, pretty little Princess." He stares down at you with eyes black in arousal. His mouth hangs open to pant and his brows are drawn together in concentration. Swiping precome off the head of his dick, Diego reaches up to offer it. You lick with no hesitation as he rams those same fingers that were just up your pussy into your mouth and practically down your throat. "Suck."
With a moan you do exactly what he wants, your eyes closing in pleasure from the combined tastes of him and yourself. You don't have to put on a show when you enjoy this so very much. Your tongue covers every centimeter of his index and middle fingers, suckling strongly to get every last drop. Diego whines at the sight.
"Fuck. Yes. Princess. My Princess. Diego's perfect little Princess." His voice is rough and rattling, you can tell from how harshly he fists his cock that he is very close. The sight of two of your favorite parts of him together, his hand and his dick, makes you writhe.
You wrap your left hand around his thick forearm and the glint of your diamond ring catches his eye. His fingers drop out of your mouth to hold your jaw ever so tenderly. You decide to give him that last little nudge.
"Baby," You breathe, he pries his eyes away from the ring to meet yours. You pitch your voice low and sultry, "Come for your Princess, my Murder Panther."
Diego's expression crumples and his hips snap forward twice as he comes with a quiet roar. "Ahhh, sí sí. Yessss." Its fascinating to watch; this big, powerful, dangerous man losing control over you. You absolutely love it.
He paints your stomach white with come, squeezing the last little bit out and then slapping both hands down the counter to gasp. Before you can reach for those shoulders to pet him into aftercare, Diego dives down to lap up his own mess.
"Holy fuckin' shit that's hot." You are right back to the edge just like that. His soft tongue scoops up the gleaming liquid and you can literally see him swallowing it. You jump when fingers brush your labia but sigh with approval when they sink deep into you again. Diego, now finished with your stomach, comes back up to take your mouth.
This is a whole new level of obscene: Sucking his own come off of his tongue while he finger fucks you to another orgasm. The mental image of what you two must look like defiling the kitchen counter is enough to make you tighten around him. The rapid, forceful thrusting of his thick fingers sends you careening into climax while moaning into his mouth. Pussy trembling around him and hips jerking, you hang on tight to his biceps until every wave of pleasure ebbs away. You flop back down and Diego collapses on top of you.
"Fuck. If that, if that's what I get for spending your money. Then I need to fucking splurge more often." You can barely string words together.
Diego purrs.
Its now forty minutes later and you manage to troubleshoot the espresso machine.
"Its unplugged." You murmur, pointing lazily.
"Mmmph." Diego moans from his position face down in your cleavage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A brief debate on showering occurred, but a motion to nap on the sectional was introduced and unanimously ratified almost immediately.
When you wake up later the only light in the penthouse is supplied by the neighboring skyscrapers. Curled up on your right side, Diego is spooned up behind you with his beard velcroed into your hair and the fingers of his left hand are laced with yours around the diamond ring. The sight makes you both happy and anxious.
"Baby?" You breathe. Diego shifts behind you, then yawns hugely. It even sounds adorable, you smile to yourself.
"Que pasa?" His voice is rough from sleep and you shiver. "You're stiff. What's wrong, Princess?"
"I have some notes we need to discuss. Its not bad!" Rushing to reassurance, you move to sit up. He releases your hands but strokes down your back as you stand. Bare feet pad across the rug as you go back to your bag and retrieve the notepad. Diego blinks when you turn on a lamp but waves you back into his embrace.
"What is troubling my Princess?" He rumbles as you wiggle around and get situated in his lap. You present the immediate list of issues and give him time to read the few items. He chuckles at you, "Let's start from the bottom, yes? I will help." He mimes crossing it off the list.
"Yeah, alright." You giggle. "But the family thing. You know my parents are chomping at the bit. I'm the last girl they get to marry off, its a big deal or something." Your eyes roll as you flap your hand around.
"How much do you want them involved?" Diego presents something you hadn't considered yet.
"Huh. I. Wait a sec." He props his chin in his hand while you consider. You're very distracted by the lazily blinking Murder Panther under you. "Okay," settling hands on your thighs, you push through the anxiety, "I had assumed they were not paying for it." Careful watching shows Diego rolling his eyes at you.
"Of course not. Don't be silly." He scoffs quietly.
Yeah, duh. You can feel terror bubbling up and you squash it ruthlessly. "Well in that case, almost none. We'll make all the decisions. They'll be allowed to give opinions or whatever, but no control." That does make it a little easier.
"No artistic license to the people who created you. Ballsy. I like that." Diego is nothing if not encouraging of you. His expression of mock impression makes you gigglesnort. Then he throws you another curveball of an offer, "Do you want a wedding planner?"
Everything stops for a moment before you breathe, "Fuck." That never even occurred to me.
Big fingers dip into your hair and turn so you face him fully. Diego is grinning from ear to ear. "Did I crash Fiance Princess OS?"
You nod faintly. "I… never even considered that. I don't come from a background where people do that, you know?"
Shrugging one shoulder at you, Diego 'hmm's thoughtfully. "I did not suggest it sooner because you like planning. What is everything that needs to be planned?" His face turns mildly horrified at your sudden flailing.
"EVERYTHING! YOU HAVE TO PLAN EVERYTHING!" You most definitely did not have control of your own volume setting just now. "So, like, the venue, the date, the wedding party, the clothing, the food, decorations, seating arrangements, guest lists, ugh, fucking flowers. I do not want flowers! Oh, shit, music? Oh my god, everyone is going to be offended by my musical choices at some point." You facepalm and then drop the entire setup down into your lap, too, for good measure.
Diego pokes your arm with the corner of the notepad and you reach to take it from him without looking.
He snatches it back and tosses it over the couch and into the kitchen where it lands on the floor with a slap.
"Fuck it. We can elope."
#damnit diego#murder panther#rough me up then dick me down#24 fucking 7 hours in this house#starz power diego jimenez#maurice compte#zash writes
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I’m Crazy...
I’m insane...
I've lost the plot..
I'm hopeless..
I'm worthless..
I'm unloveable..
I'm pathetic..
I'm weird..
I'm strange..
I'm not okay...
I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)
BUT...
I AM!!!
Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...
oh woe is me! am i right?
well... thats where you're wrong!
(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)
I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!
i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.
i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.
Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)
In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.
The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!
i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.
depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.
A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.
As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)
This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!
Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.
my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.
They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.
so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.
heres how i cope...
Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.
For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.
Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.
It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.
it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.
i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.
i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.
i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.
because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.
you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!
nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.
i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.
i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)
In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!
everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.
everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!
Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.
do what makes YOU happy!
live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.
open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.
but remember most importantly:
You ARE NOT Alone..
You ARE NOT Crazy..
You ARE NOT insane..
You HAVE NOT lost the plot..
You ARE NOT hopeless..
You ARE NOT worthless..
You ARE NOT unloveable..
You ARE NOT pathetic..
You ARE NOT weird..
You ARE NOT a psycho..
You ARE NOT strange..
And..
You ARE okay...
You ARE Beautiful..
You ARE Worth it..
YOU ARE Loved
i hope this helps...
thank you ☺
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I saw some of your tags in a previous post, did you not like BotW? (not trying to stir shit, genuinely curious because I didn't love it myself)
so i’ve gotten a couple asks today like this one so I think it’s finally time to make a post about why i didnt love botw :~) this is like 2 years worth of internal critique that ive held in because i know its a really really popular game and arguably the most mainstream zelda game ever (possibly after oot) but i managed to write just my top 3 dislikes!!! woo!!!!
anyway so i just want to disclaim that botw is an amazing and incredible open world game with fantastic graphics and designs and just all round gorgeous! but it doesnt really hit the standard of a Zelda game to me....so here we go
music: forgettable ost
so we’ve all played Zelda games before and we’re all familiar with the music of the franchise. We all know the classics, like the overworld theme, and song of storms, dragon roost island, midnas lament etc. These are really, really iconic songs which we all know and love....So i want to ask how many memorable songs did we get from botw? i loved the trailer music, you know the song that plays when you unlock towers, but the best use of that song was seriously only done in the trailer. I know a big argument a lot of people use to defend the music in botw is “you’re supposed to feel empty and alone” but I don’t want to feel like im alone! I want to feel like i’m on an adventure to save Hyrule. just want to reiterate that botw outside of the zelda franchise is AMAZING but as a zelda game im not impressed. so for the music, in comparison to 30+ years of incredible soundtracks, botw didn’t leave a mark (for me) ((these are just personal opinions)) (((so keep hate to a minimum thabk u))) also i want to add that i shouldn’t like watching the trailer more than i actually like playing the game......you gotta admit the trailer was awesome
plot: weak plot, boring, no flavour lol
plot.....what plot....lol....surely we can all agree that botw had a weak ass plot. i understand that nintendo was trying to break zelda conventions by allowing you to do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted but what i dont understand is why that had to come at the cost of a good story....the fact that you could do a playthrough of botw without having to collect the memories really made the characters and the arc feel so insignificant when it could have been a really great story. one of my favourite zelda games is albw because i loved how they gave you the choice of where to go and what to do through Ravio! and then the plot right at the end....blew my tiny mind. i loved it! albw broke zelda conventions while also delivering an iconic story line. Finishing botw was not satisfying for me. The characters felt incomplete and there were entire plot points that were completely insignificant, like the Koroks. Even the Guardians were made to feel completely obsolete by the end of the game. They were never given a finishing story line. My girlfriend was telling me how botw would have had a greater impact if the final boss fight had involved the guardians, as in they returned to your side and helped you finish ganon or something like that, but instead they were just forgotten about. i feel like a lot of botw was just forgotten about...........but yeah. it was a weak plot, especially in comparison to other zelda games. i really feel like a good story is a key element to a good zelda game
shrines: too easy, too short, underwhelming
ahhhh. shrines. 120 shrines, and all you get at the end are some clothes. i have a LOT to say about the shrines. they tried hard to switch it up here, replacing dungeons with shrines & divine beasts. i was really excited about this change at first but i felt they really under-delivered. Here are the zelda conventions they got rid of with the divine beasts: boss keys, dungeon specific items (bow, hookshot, boomerang etc), maps (kind of), compasses, mini boss. cool cool cool cool cool thats fine. i feel like they couldnt include any of these because the divine beasts were soooo short. i feel like i completed them in like 20 minutes. i’d say that they were underwhelming! it really made me miss getting stuck in the bloody forest temple in oot shooting an arrow at the walls trying to get the hallways to untwist for like 7 hours u know? as for the shrines, they were boring too lol. the music was all the same, there was barely any variety in the elements or challenges and they were pretty simple to complete. i thought they were booooorrriiiing. i think definitely my key word for this section is underwhelming. the only reason i would get excited about finding a shrine is because it actually gave me something to do instead of just frolicking around and foraging for like 15 hours straight
but yeah anyway i did like botw but its not in my top 5 loz games barely even in my top 10 like maybe its tenth. and reiterating these are my personal opinions if u relate im starting a club we will have shirts that say ‘botw was okay’. if u thought this was completely wrong then i feel for ya i dont blame u for loving botw. its great! i have high hopes for the sequel!!! also if anyone read this far im surprised but i love u
#personal#botw#i tried putting a read more in idk if it worked???????#just edited to try and make it work
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👶,⭐,💘, and💻. Love you!!
thank you for ask anon! writer ask game is here if yall wanna send in something. still taking asks for these btw
👶- advice for new writers =
yall this is hella fucking generic but PRACTISE. theres a reason almost literally every writer on tumblr gives the advise of “practise practise practise” and that reason is it works. practise doesnt mean ‘oh just write bc youll automatically get better over time’ it means ‘write bc if you dont, you wont figure out what you need to improve.’ did yall know that i literally had no sentence variation in the past? i started every sentence with [character name] or [character pronoun] and i didnt realise until i was 15/16 and i only realised bc i started writing a lot.
i think there’s a fear of failure with new writers. there’s this lingering doubt of “what if its not good?” and boy howdy i will answer that question right fucking now. it wont be good. when i compare my current work to my earlier work, my earlier work sucked fucking shit. i spelled soldier with a fucking ‘j’ and i had no idea what the hell a point of view was. and thats okay. whoever tells you that youre going to perfect writing is a fucking liar. there is no perfecting writing. 20 years from now, imma look at the writing from today and im gonna think it sucks shit. writing is a process. its a craft. you get better and better over time and the way you get better is by experimenting w different styles, different genres, different ways of writing.
and the only way you can experiment and improve is through practise. in video games, especially rpgs (which are my favourite kind of video games), you struggle in the early game. youre at a low level, you dont have good equipment, you have a hard time moving to the next area. but the only way you progress is by grinding, gaining levels, and getting stronger. same w writing. if youre a level 1 writer, just starting out, no idea what to do, just experiment. fuck around a bit. write crackships, write rarepairs, write niche self-indulgent reader/character fics. at the end of the day, you should write for yourself. its good and cool if other people like your stuff and validate all your hard work, but at the end of the day, the one who should enjoy your writing the most is yourself.
you WILL mess up and you WILL struggle, but thats the only way you can improve. i struggle with pacing the most. still do. but others might have pacing down pat and struggle instead with word choice or pov or something else. cant figure out where you need to improve if you dont write, so just practise and worry about all the fine print later
⭐️- how do you get your inspiration? =
this is definitely not universal, but i just sit on my bed, close my eyes, and meditate. cycle through all my emotions and thoughts and filter them out. then i just toss everything out the damn window. like. id just meditate for a while, focus on breathing, on experiencing the present, picture a field and a tree and myself and breathe. thoughts fly by and i let them happen but dont focus on it.
meditating gives me some semblance of emotional control bc i normally have none, and it gives me kind of this space. this safe space that only exists for me and me alone. so i use that space to let the world drift away. just me and my thoughts and sometimes, those thoughts end up being good writing ideas. but i usually meditate for a set amount of time. like 15 minutes or 30 minutes so i dont write until i finish meditating.
then when i get out of my headspace, i open up my laptop and see what i remember. thinking too hard about something causes it to muddy up. same with art. in digital art, artists flip the canvas to refresh their eyes, see if there’s anything weird or wonky about the illustration that they normally dont see bc theyve gotten used to it. flipping the canvas is like giving our eyes a jumpstart and lets us see what we could do better. in traditional art, its turning the canvas this way and that or repositioning yourself. meditating is like that. a break. a cleanse. a kind of pause where you dont think about anything and just try to process what you already have. you relax and kind of let yourself float down a river of thoughts and sometimes, a fish would jump out of that river and youd go “hey, thats a good idea. i should try that” so when you get out of the river, youre refreshed and ready to go.
same principle with showers. more ideas come to you in the shower when you dont have anything to write with bc youre not thinking about it. youre not focusing on finding inspiration or motivation so ideas naturally flow through you. you know that feeling when you want to do x then someone comes along and says “hey you should do x” and suddenly all motivation to do x leaves? same w your brain. focus too much on “i should be writing” or “i want inspiration” and its never gonna come. just let things happen. at least, thats how i do it. some people might get inspiration by reading or watching tv. everyones different so if thats not what works out for you, dont feel pressured to try my method
💘- what’s your favorite AU? Least favorite? =
magic au. specifically fantasy au set in like a pre-modern era. shows like avatar where theres all this magic and fantastical beasts and so on and so forth. semi-modern like six of crows and nevernight are great too. i want that magic to be woven into people’s lives. harry potter is okay but there’s like this separation between magic and muggle. there’s this feeling of “magic” but like as a tool. like a spoon or a gun or a shovel. i want magic au’s that are INTEGRATED with the world its set in.
like in atla, earth kingdom people have trains they move with bending while fire nation people have machines powered by heat and steam. both correspond to their bending and makes sense for the world they live in. but if your plot is like harry potter and its less worldbuilding and more action, then there’s this book series called seasons rising (read it. so good) where there’s a bunch of spells but the spells have character. the people using the spells GIVE it character and it feels much more intimate. pokemon does the whole fantasy mixed w reality better. give two trainers the exact same pokemon and by the time that pokemon reaches lvl 50, its gonna have a different moveset, different fight style, etc bc it was shaped by the world and people around it. i like harry potter but tbh it could have been so much better
for the least favourite au, it’s A/B/O i dont like the whole “omegas are only good for breeding hurr durr” and “alphas are violent and aggressive and cant control themselves around omegas” thing and it squicks me out. major squick. i read the original harry potter squick (THAT one. yeah. you know the one) and i still hate a/b/o more. i get why people like it, and there are one or two fics set in a/b/o au that i enjoy reading, but as a whole, i severely dislike a/b/o fics.
the themes are squick, the character dynamics get so messed up, and shipping dynamics (bc a/b/o fics usually have shipping) just get so blown out of proportion. there are so many a/b/o fics that turn ooc or the character interpretations radically change or something else. no hate against a/b/o fans bc yall are amazing for writing/drawing yalls au. there are things that you can only do in this setting and exploring those things can be incredibly fun for people, but for me personally, its not an au i like to visit.
💻- three works of yours that are must reads =
i. dont know what fandom youre in anon or your genre preferences. so ill just rec you one fic for a different fandom each with kind of different genres. ts masterlist is on my side @hufflepuff-deceit and regular fanfic masterlist is on my writing blog @crownonymous
(BNHA) Viper. its my first serious attempt at fanfic in YEARS and its my baby. currently has 7 chapters, i havent updated it in a while bc im hyperfocused on ts rn, but i love it to bits. its just all of my fav bnha fics crammed into one fic. quirkless kind of villain izuku with stain as a mentor as they work together to bring light to the injustices of hero society and where bakugos bullying has visible and long-lasting repercussions? sign me the fuck up. you can read it on ao3 HERE bc its not on tumblr. kind of fast-paced, has a lot more action scenes than anything else ive written. heavy plot-wise but has a lot of humour and comedy to break things up
(Kimetsu no Yaiba) I Pray To God He Hears You. not related to my other kny fic oleander which is a multichap retelling au. iptghhy is a standalone one-shot and kind of a character study on one giyuu tomioka. i love him so much. giyuu is my baby and i adore him. so of course i wrote a sad fic focusing on him. well technically, the fic focuses on giyuu AND his relationships. SPOILERS for chapters 130 and 131 of the manga. focuses mostly on giyuu and sabito, but there’s a fair bit of giyuu and tanjiro and urokodaki. you can read it HERE bc this is also not on tumblr. also deals with heavy things but more emotion-wise since it doesnt have that much of a plot. loss. grief. moving on. survivors guilt. that kind of stuff. very sad. hurt but with comfort, especially at the end.
(Sanders Sides) Logan’s Birthday Fic: Logicality. just what the title says. i wrote 5 different fics and published them all on logans bday but the logicality one received the most feedback and honestly? the cutest of the bunch. its gonna be crossposted onto ao3 but for now, you can read it HERE on my ts sideblog. theres no plot since its literally just domestic and relationship fluff. and puns. patton is in the fic, theres gonna be puns. nothing but good things and warm feelings bc logan deserves it.
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thank you so much for such interesting asks anon! i enjoyed answering these. have a lovely day!
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****Spoilers****
5/5
The majority of the Illuminae Files have been reviewed during the tribunal, but there is still one piece of the story left. Six months after BeiTech’s attack on Kerenza IV, survivors are being forced to mine for hermium to power the Magellan Jump Station. Once the Magellan is up and running, the BeiTech troops have been given orders to liquidate the remaining citizens of Kerenza. Rhys Lindstrom was a specialist working on the Magellan, until he was brought planet-side to replace the techs that were killed by members of the rebellion. Being sequestered on Magellan, Rhys was guarded from the horrors taking place after the attack.
Asha Grant, Kady’s cousin, is alive and working in the hospital on Kerenza. Asha is a member of the resistance working to fight against the BeiTech troops on the ground. Asha and Rhys have a history. Once high school sweethearts, the pair’s relationship turned toxic and Asha was sent to Kerenza to live with her cousin. The two hadn’t seen each other for three years. After being exposed to the injustices taking place on Kerenza, Rhys agrees to aid Asha and the resistance.
Back in space, the Mao has met up with the Hypatia, whose resources are running dangerously low. The decision is made to move the citizens on the Hypatia to the Mao, effectively combining the survivors from the Alexander, Kerenza, Hypatia, and Heimdall. A plan to return to Kerenza and commandeer the Magellan is formed, but tensions are running high. Many people are doing jobs that they are unqualified for, and those that are qualified are as young as 15 years old. Many adults refuse to listen to, let alone follow, the orders of a “child,” causing dissention among the crew. Kady, the only one able to fill her position, is the only one able to maintain a sense of respect from the adults. Ezra, after having been promoted to Wing Leader, is grounded after getting into a fight with adult trainees. Captain Boll can’t see past Nik’s criminal past, Hanna’s tactical abilities are demeaned, and Ella barely has a working life support system.
After AIDAN assisted in saving the universe, Kady convinced Captain Boll to allow AIDAN to be uploaded into the Mao’s system. Once resources become scarce. AIDAN takes it upon itself to do some population control, unleashing carbon monoxide into two levels of the ship and killing roughly two thousand people. AIDAN cannot be trusted, and Kady is forced to shut it down. AIDAN’s mistake worsens the already high tensions. Several ex-Heimdall crew members stage a mutiny, during which 16 crew members and Captain Boll are killed. Winnifred McCall manages to reclaim order and becomes the Mao’s new captain. Luckily, McCall has faith in our teenage heroes, and finally utilizes their talents once again in planning the siege of the Magellan.
After finally receiving a communication from the survivors on Kerenza, the plan is finalized. Kady, commanding the bridge, readies the others for war. Ezra and Nik man one of the Mao’s Chimera fighters, Hanna is apart of the invasion team and has worked out the tactical aspects of the mission, and Ella hacks into BeiTech’s system to earn the fighters an advantage. The crew of the Mao are outnumbered, but they have made it this far and have survived the impossible. They cannot give up now. The citizens of Kerenza join the fight. With air support from the Mao’s Chimeras, the rebels face off against the soldiers that have turned their world into rubble. The time to take back their freedom has come.
I don’t want to spoil anything too important so you’ll just have to read it to find out what happens. Obsidio was the perfect end to an amazing trilogy. The heroes that we followed in the first two novels are finally together and kicking ass. The adults on the Mao make life tough for a good portion of the novel. This was extremely frustrating given that Hanna, Nik, Ezra, Ella,and Kady have more than proven how capable they are. Issac Grant, Kady’s dad, and McCall are the only ones who seem to grasp this. Once the decision-making is left up to them, the plot hits it’s stride. Issac is the fictional father of the year. He has more or less adopted all four of Kady’s new friends and he truly cares about each one of them. Prior to the siege of the Magellan, Issac takes the time to write little notes for each of them and its very heartwarming.
Having Rhys on team BeiTech allowed the reader to have a different viewpoint of the enemy. The previous two books focused more so on showing the humanity of the victims, but not the attackers. In Obsidio, the BeiTech troops are shown as people simply trying to do their jobs. As AIDAN put it, the villain is the hero of their own story. Adding this new viewpoint provided an new layer of depth in a complex story, but without it the ending would not have had the same impact.
Like Illuminae and Gemina, Obsidio by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff is full of action, drama, betrayal and plenty of twists. Heart stopping thrills are balanced out with romance and witty humor, making Obsidio a must read for fans of any genre. As someone who was never really into the Science Fiction genre, I can say that The Illuminae Files has converted me. Please read this series, you will not be disappointed.
P.S. If you read my reviews of Illuminae and/or Gemina, you know that my favorite character in the series has been Analyst ID 7213-0089-DN. In Obsidio we find out that Analyst ID 7213-0089-DN is none other than Nik Malikov. Unsurprisingly, the tattooed bad boy has once again stolen my heart. I can’t believe that I didn’t figure it out while reading Gemina. I could read an entire book of just Nik narrating random daily activities.
#young adult book#scifi#science fiction#the illuminae files#kady grant#hanna donnelly#ezra mason#nik mali#ella malikova#obsidio#gemina#illuminae#amie kaufman#jay kristoff#book nerd#bookish#booklr#booknerd#book review#book recommendations
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Q&A post with the Mods!!!!
This is going to be a long one oh boy
How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)
We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster
what aster said -- mod star
What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)
I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster
uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star
How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)
Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster
aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star
Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)
I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star
I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster
Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)
This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star
I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster
What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)
I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star
To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster
🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)
Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star
Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster
Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)
Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster
This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star
What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)
Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star
Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster
Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)
It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster
I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star
How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)
I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star
Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster
How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)
It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)
If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)
I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star
Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster
Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)
I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star
Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster
#mod post#mod aster#mod star#q and a#birthday#we cant seem to read more AND tag so like brb gonna go kill god
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Fever Pt. 3 [M’Baku x Reader]
Summary: Okoye and the Dora Milaje lead your unconscious self and M’Baku to the throne room
A/N: I’m on a roll y’all three in one day, tomorrow I might keep this up but I can’t promise when I go back to work that I’ll be throwing them out like this lmao
Your warmth was M’Baku’s favorite thing about you. Your fingertips, your nose, arms, legs, every part of your body seemed to glow with heat. Even your personality shined through your smile and infectious laughter. The perfect match to M’Baku’s coldness, a piece of summer personified. To M’Baku, you were the sun. Now, shivering and drenched in sweat, you were as cold as ice. M’Baku was holding you still, wiping every trail of blood that fell from your nose and lips. You didn’t feel like...YOU anymore. It scared M’Baku, he couldn’t lose you, he wouldn’t.
It was midmorning when the Dora Milaje escorted your husband through the palace, Okoye led M’Baku, her long, determined strides were enough to make even him jog to keep up. Earlier, the Dora had offered to carry you on a gurney, but M’Baku stepped back and silently shook his head. Code for: touch her and I’ll kill you.
“You will make it, my love.” M’Baku whispered, hurriedly following Okoye’s every move. You groaned, seemingly in response. Okoye reached a pair of large, golden doors and hesitated, only for a second, regarding the rules that she knock before entering. Before she could decide, M’Baku moved beside her and kicked the door open.
Inside was the throne room, and on its throne was the King of Wakanda, T’Challa. T’Challa immediately stood up, the Dora Milaje that flanked either side of the throne drew their weapons, always ready for combat.
“M’Baku!! What is the meaning of this? Okoye? You let him barge into my palace?”
“I didn’t LET him do anything, My King, I-“
“STOP!” M’Baku barked, cutting Okoye off, “T’Challa, my wife. She has been poisoned. She’s dying,” T’Challa’s eyes fell on you, his face in obvious surprise and disgust at your state. “I need your help, I need-“
“You need me.” A small, teenaged girl stepped from behind the throne. Her golden braids fell over her crossed arms, a smirk on her mischievous face.
“Shuri.” M’Baku grunted, even in a dire time like this, his chest inflated with arrogant pride. M’Baku’s grip tightened on your unconscious body, he took a step forward. “Whatever issue you have with me, you have all the right to. I have mocked your intelligence and your rightful place in Wakanda. But please..” M’Baku knelt down to one knee, “Help her.”
Passing the Dora and her brother, Shuri took several steps to M’Baku and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“Quickly, take her to my lab.”
-
The next time you woke, you felt different. Not better exactly better, just different. Instead of the soreness, your body felt rashed and itchy, as if someone had been clawing at you, inside and out. You were no longer sweating, just feeling unbearably cold, the shivering just as violent as before. The sharp pain in your side had dulled to just a throbbing annoyance. Your head ached like it never had before. You were laying on some glass surface, it was heated from the bottom, but not hot enough for your chills. Above you was rock, light blue flecks of vibranium sprinkled across the ceiling.You could feel an IV in your arm. The room buzzed with various beeps and hums. You were in Shuri’s lab. A door opened and you strained your eyes to see your M’Baku entering, carrying a tray of three large vegetarian sandwiches and a drink. You internally chuckled, he had probably not been fed his HOURLY feast in at least a day, the spoiled brat. M’Baku settled in a silver chair beside your head, adorably scooting in as close to you as possible before setting his hungry eyes on his food. You opened your lips and said in a raw, scratchy voice,
“You didn’t bring any for me, my love?”
Startled, M’Baku stood straight up, his tray clattering against the ground, meal ruined. He didn’t care. M’Baku reached over and enveloped his arms around you, the warmth from his massive chest finally giving you the heat that you needed. M’Baku showered your face in kisses, not stopping until you let out a small squeak in protest.
“You’ll smother me!” You laughed.
“Be smothered then!” He chuckled. You looked up at him and smiled, his face softening at your expression. “There is that smile that I love.”
“Am I interrupting something?” Shuri asked, stepping into the room. She held a clear clipboard, dark blue stats and numbers changing and scrolling across it. Shuri was wearing a long, thin white coat that draped around her ankles, complimenting her silver, glittered heels. On her nose were a pair of silver glasses, with no lenses in them.
“Why are you dressed like a doctor at a fashion show?” M’Baku grunted. Shuri grinned.
“I’m a life saver, aren’t I to look the part?” She twirled in her outfit, the coat gliding in a wave like a princess dress.
“I think you look amazing,” you said struggling to lift yourself up. “Now what’s wrong with me? The Flu? A virus? Parasite?”
The mood in the room instantly darkened, a grave expression clouding your husband’s face. Before you could ask, the door opened again, with T’Challa, Queen Ramonda, and Okoye entering the room. They all had the same expression as your husband.
“Y/N,” Shuri began “Last night, I believe you were poisoned.”
You sat in silence while you waited for Shuri to tell you she was joking. She didn’t.
“Wait, what?! Poisoned, that can’t be. Who?”
“We don’t know yet.” T’Challa said, stepping forward.
“But we are going to find out.” M’Baku finished, a low growl starting at the base of his throat.
“You’ve been asleep for three days. It’s a miracle you’re alive. We found massive amounts of what I think is arsenic in your blood,” Shuri began tapping and sliding her fingers across her clipboard.
“You think it’s arsenic?” You said sarcastically, the shock and fatigue taking over your manners. “Well what the hell was it?”
“I think it was something manufactured from arsenic, someone, or someones, changed the chemical structure, they tried to make it deadlier. They almost succeeded.”
“Then why didn’t I die?” You whispered, a question mostly to yourself. M’Baku slid his hand into yours and held it tightly.
“To be honest Y/N, I have no idea. Will? Adrenaline? I can’t be sure.”
M’Baku stood up straight and huffed.
“The Jabari will be taking this as an act of war from ALL tribes until whomever did this comes forward, when they do, they will feel the wrath of the entire Jabari people.”
Queen Ramonda finally spoke.
“Chief M’Baku, you know that is not the answer. You have no idea who did this, or if they acted alone. Your best bet would be to let us help you investigate this matter.”
“I agree with my mother, don’t make any rash decisions, M’Baku.” T’Challa said.
M’Baku’s eyes turned to slits,
“I don’t need your HELP. How do I know this isn’t a part of your own plot?”
Okoye scoffed, “So we would poison your wife to let you waltz into our palace so we can save her? You’re mad!”
M’Baku seethed with anger, before he could rebuttal, you squeezed his hand.
“My love, let us be rational about this. We will use all our resources to find the perpetrator, then we will figure out our next move.”
Your voice was raw but determined, you knew you had made your point when M’Baku leaned down and softly kissed your forehead. He took a deep breath.
“Where do we go from here.”
It was more a statement than a question. Okoye moved forward and knelt beside you.
“Y/N, think. What happened that day? M’Baku, you too. Anything out of the ordinary?”
You closed your eyes so you could think. It seemed so long ago. You remember that day, visiting the orphanage, reading to the children. Then helping the 15 year olds of the village prepare for their coming of age ceremony. Helping the elderly scrub their homes...then dinner. The banquet hall. You were sitting on M’Baku’s lap, instead of the traditional way of sitting at the ends of the table, it was too far away. You were laughing, and singing. M’Baku’s head was resting on your chest. He was massaging your scalp and feeding you from his plate. Wait.
You and your husband locked eyes in unison, sharing a knowing look between each other.
“What is it?” T’Challa urged.
“M’Baku..” you breathed, “The poison was meant for you.”
#black panther#m’baku#m’baku imagine#m’baku x reader#black panther fanfiction#bp fanfic#black reader#fever#fanfiction
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Fanfiction writer asks
Thank you @saantha and @writerforthetylwythteg ! ^^ <3
Okay, Caroline first cause you sent this to me like a week ago :’D
1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?
My answer is really similar to yours, I think? I started years and years ago, maybe when I was 15 or 16? But I didn’t even know what fanfiction was lol. But before that I was writing a long looong story, kiiinda origina but also kiiiinda with a character based on an existing character from a show ^^’ I first published an actual ‘proper’ fanfic on AO3 when I was 19.
12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?
Surprise surprise, but my I love writing ‘dark’, tortured, angsty, and tormented characters, wow, who would have thought xD I wrote for a few fandoms and I guess I have a favourite in each? In SNK it’s Levi, in X-Men it was Charles, in BBC Sherlock it’s Moriarty, and in Black Butler it’s... well, both Ciel and Sebastian. But I’d say that out of all of those, at least recently, I’ve been enjoying writing Sebastian; I wrote over 25k words of a series recently entirely from his POV, as you know, and it was fantastic to write, that fic is my little baby, my little pride and joy :’D I remember you saying that the fic read like something I was born to write, and that that demon was my perfect muse and my dude, it sounds so right XD
13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm no one comes to mind, really? Logically progressing from the previous question, I’m not the biggest fan of writing overly-happy, bubbly characters XD But I don’t think I have one I actually dislike. If I really hate a character, I probably won’t include them in my fic, or as little as possible.
16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx? (Guide Dog)
Whump. I just wanted to write lots of whump xD And fear, and abuse, and recovery from these; describing the slow mental process of a character progressing from being scared of their own shadow to - through someone else’s kindness and patience - learn how to function again. I’ve wanted to try this for years and years, it’s been brewing in my head for so long, and I had so many plans and drafts, but somehow it just never took off until I came across SNK, and Eren’s story. And then of course it got a bit political, but honestly I’m kind of glad it took that kind of turn, I think it made it a more meaningful story than just an attempt at a feels-fest XD
21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?
Well, you know I obviously like your works because of how wonderfully fucked up they are, right up my street so :D In the SNK fandom, I love acidtowns who wrote Junkyard Dogs, and also julieofthwatertribe, and I’ve STILL got to read pinkheichou’s massive Ereri fic but people love it so I’m sure she’s good too x3 There are tons and tons of fics in that fandom that I love but these are the first few that come to mind. In BBC Sherlock fandom, Mad_Lori wrote this absolutely infamous ‘Alone on Water’ fic which is basically just a rollercoaster of angst and tears, it was amazing. SD_Ryan wrote amazing fics too, with Moran/Moriarty. I had a friend on deviantArt years ago, who wrote really good Rammstein fics too, she even wrote one for me! And of course, in the SPN fandom, the top of the top of Destiel fics; Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme. It’s the highest-rated (in terms of kudos) Destiel fanfic on AO3, and I can absolutely understand why. The angst in this is just indescribable, I wasted like an entire tissue roll on my tears. And then there were two fics; ‘To high places by narrow roads’ by Fossarian, and ‘Carry On’, by TamrynEradani. I don’t remember the first one too well, but it had lots of angst and issues of slavery like in Guide Dog, so I loved it lots, but the second one, ohhh the second one. The writer described a dom/sub relationship in the most perfect, wholesome, realistic way I ever saw written anywhere. I need to reread it soon now actually, because it’s a feast for the soul, I’m not even kidding XD And then finally, Black Butler fandom; chromehoplite, gxlden both write awesome stuff (and they collaborate a lot too and the results are aMAZING and they grace this fandom with sooo much content :’3) Severus_Divides_into_H is also writing a fantastic multi-chaptered fic which is so beautifully sad, dark and gothic and full of feels, honestly you can clearly see I have a type, when it comes to fics :’D
33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?
I couldn’t choose a single one, I’m flattered whenever I get any kind of compliment :’) But I live and breathe for the moments when people tell me that my fic made them cry. And honestly you gave me some of the best compliments lol, I wanted to launch myself into space when you said that Ciel’s death from my fic affected you and that you randomly found yourself thinking of that scene the next day, because you’re not even in the fandom T__T <3 And I wanted to do the same thing when a few people told me before they would buy a physical copy of Guide Dog, like, people would pay money for what I wrote?? How possible, nat.exe has crashed, reboot now. And hahah, recently when I comment on some Black Butler fics, once or twice I got a response that the author was glad to get a comment from me because they read my fic and they liked it, and that just blows my mind because???? Someone recognised me??? how possible?? Reboot again
49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?
Uuuuuum I think it was actually a Rammstein fic, based on the ‘Ich Will’ music video. Angst and death all around ;-; But again, at that stage I didn’t really know what fanfiction was lol.
Bahaha I hope you enjoyed your novel, my GOD that took me so long XD
And hóhóhó Jázu thank you for asking too ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉) <3
8) Where do you take your inspiration from?
Uuuuugh that’s a tough one. Maybe overall just some messed up movies or books or other fics, and when I’m actually writing, it’s usually some dark or sad gothic music, or whatever else fits lol ^^ But I don’t write THAT much, so I don’t need a constant IV with inspiration, I suppose ^^’
18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?
Yeeeeesss ^^’‘‘ Guilty as charged lol. I have at least one abandoned WIP in the BBC Sherlock fandom, X-men fandom, and supernatural fandom (in the last one, I remember it was some heavy angst - what a surprise - destiel wip that I actually tried to find a few days ago, but couldn’t which made me very sad lol cause I wanted to read over it :( ). I guess I abandoned them because there was no solid plot, and I only started writing them because I wanted to write some quick whump, or some feels, but didn’t have the determination to write a whole story around it XD
25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?
ABSOLUTELY, with the amount of angst I try to squeeze in everywhere, I take it as a personal offense and lack of skills if I can’t make at least * myself * cry x’D Although, I’m writing this long multichaptered fic for Attack on Titan that I think I mentioned to you, and its close to 200k words, and there’s lots of angst, but it hasn’t made me cry as much as writing this other for, Black Butler, which is only 24k words. I cried for at least half of it lol, maybe because it’s much closer to canon, and the canon itself is so tragic and has me upset whenever I think about it ;__;
HOH ALRIGHT that’s me done, I think this actually took me around an hour to do XD But thank you guys, that was fun :3c <3
#saantha#writerforthetylwythteg#ffs caroline i always have to copy your url because i can never spell it#asks#fanfic writer asks#my work#my stuff#ehhh i dont know how to tag this
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May Small Wins
1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy
2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.
3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,
4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.
5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.
6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.
7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.
8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things
9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.
10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care
11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs
12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,
13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know
14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch
15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.
16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.
17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara
18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good
19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo
20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.
21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺
22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao
23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm
24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake.
25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh
26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess
27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.
28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time
29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.
30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj
31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits
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