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earth2068 · 11 months

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hey so if i'm remembering correctly you said once on the discord that e2068 was originally a homestuck fansession idea- if you don't mind what were the characters' classpects and were they derse or prospit dreamers before this became... not a homestuck?

ok before i answer this question im gonna need everyone to abandon any concept of cringe culture still lingering in their hearts. find the part of you that says "homestuck is cringe" and just turn it off for the next 10 minutes. done? alright.

so yeah as ive admitted before on discord, the cast of earth 2068 originated from a homestuck fansession* i developed when i was a kid, first when i was 9 then reworked when i was 12. im specifying my age at the time so you understand how deep-rooted this is.

*a fansession is when you write a story in which ur ocs play the game that the plot of homestuck revolves around. its pretty fun! you develop the kind of planet theyd have, their classpects, etc, good character building exercise imo

the pre-scratch** session was composed of the 5 ARACHNID members, flynn, vermillion, violet, lucille and viridian (screw homestuck naming conventions theyre stupid), with the post-scratch** session having leon, phil, jordan, and two characters who would eventually be combined with each other when i wasnt looking to become daniya.

**dont ask what a scratch is, it basically means everyones parents get to be teenagers and play the game in a different timeline.

every session ive seen written has an even number of players, so theyd be evenly divided between derse and prospit***. i, however, had five players in each session, so either one kingdom would have more players than the other, or i had to contrive some alternative. i ended up developing a third moon kingdom for the odd player out called vidium that was teal and kinda depressing. i BROKE homestuck rules for my Original Moon Kingdom Do Not Steal.

***depending on a characters personality they would wake up on one of two magical moon kingdoms when they go to sleep, either the purple and spooky derse, or the gold and fun prospit

i actually, on occasion, write an earth 2068 au in a series of google docs in which the characters get to play the session i planned for them all those years ago, which is entirely self-indulgent and only something i work on when im tremendously bored. i dont think ill be sharing it but if i do it will only be when people stop making fun of me for liking a webcomic when i was 9 years old

and now, what youve all been waiting for, the classpects of each character- under the cut bc Long

preface: these have changed a lot since i was 9. ill be giving the current classpects ive assigned them, the same ones i use for the session i write currently when im bored. ill let you know which ones have stayed the same.

ALSO- no one who analyzes classpects agrees what each class means, because very few of them were confirmed in canon! these are all dependent on my personal interpretations, which i believe are backed by canon, but people will disagree with me on a few of these and thats ok. just please shut up about it.

FLYNN - rogue of time; prospit dreamer ("but time players are always on derse-" shut up! <3). time is the aspect of, you know, time, as well as other things, mainly death, destruction and entropy. a rogue is a passive(+) class- one who steals their aspect or steals WITH their aspect, strictly for the benefit of others. so flynn is one who steals time, or steals with time. in the very first chapter, flynn steals exotic matter, a substance specifically used for the purpose of time travel, and gives it to vermillion, the one who needs it. his role in the "operation" hinges on being able to sway the timeline to save ten billion lives- stealing time (death/destruction) with time (time travel). and on a fundamental level, flynn is a person who will always, no matter what, protect the people who need protecting from those who would harm them.

VERMILLION - mage of mind; derse dreamer. mind is the aspect of decisions and their consequences; the general concept of causality. a mage is an active(-) class, one who is gifted/inflicted with knowledge of their aspect, and due to the type of person they are, keeps that knowledge to themselves, to carry that burden so no one else has to. so a mage of mind is someone with a great understanding of causality- being the one plotting an operation to save the world via time travel requires the ability to predict the decisions other people will make, and the consequences theyll have, and this is a skill we see vermillion utilize a lot in the story (mostly in parts we havent gotten to). theyre the one who comes up with the plan, who decides what everyone else will be doing, and how that will help them, without needing to explain themselves. theyre a leader, but a difficult one, who doesnt intend on seeking feedback. verms main problem is how their emotions and insecurity in their sense of self cloud their judgement, and with heart being the aspect of emotion and the self and the antithesis to the mind aspect, it makes sense that a mind players biggest problem would be their heart.

LEON - knight of hope; prospit dreamer. hope is the aspect of positive emotion, as well as optimism and belief. in the right hands, its one of the strongest aspects. a knight is an active(-) class, one who equips themselves with their aspect in order to weaponize it. on two separate occasions, weve seen leon experience extreme anxiety or anger before immediately covering it up to appease phil; he throws up a mask to protect himself and the people he loves. this is weaponizing hope, equipping himself with his ability to see the best in a situation, and put on a happy face to keep things stable. hes a theatre major, and puts those acting skills to use whenever he can. its easy to see this as an unhealthy classpect, and it sort of is, but its real strength comes from how leon is at his most powerful, most influential, when hes guided by his love for other people, and his belief in his own ability. this is one of the few classpects that has stayed the same since leons creation!

PHIL - thief of heart; derse dreamer. as i mentioned earlier, heart is the aspect of emotions and the self. meanwhile, a thief is the active(-) counterpart to the rogue, so while the rogue steals for the sake of others, the thief steals for the sake of themselves. in multiple ways, phil steals facets of other peoples identities and emotions for himself- he steals data from peoples devices, he forces leon to kiss him (stealing leons autonomy, not allowing him to express his feelings on the matter beforehand, to enforce his own desires and emotions), he creates a dynamic with leon where he cant express what hes truly wanting or feeling, he [CHAPTER 4 SPOILERS], [CHAPTER 6 SPOILERS], etc. phils emotions and identity are such powerful forces that those of others get trampled over, stolen for himself. this doesnt make him ontologically evil, its possible that he could use this for good, if only he could just point his black hole of a personality in the right direction, and learn to turn down his ego most of the time.

JORDAN - heir of space; vidium dreamer (odd player out). space is the antithesis to time. its the aspect of, you know, space, the physical universe and its spacial dimensions, but also of creation. the heir is passive(+), and a bit of a complicated class, that boils down to inviting change in their aspect, or inviting change THROUGH their aspect. as an heir of space, jordan invites change in or through creation. theyre a creator, a roboticist, but also a collaborator with phil, so her influence isnt as direct. they thrive in a guiding position, where she doesnt have unilateral control, but has power in their ideas and words. jordan is a very good leader in a creative setting who has yet to realize this about herself.

LUCILLE - witch of light; prospit dreamer ("lucille cant be a light player she doesnt talk a lot-" shut up! <3). lucilles classpect manifests mostly in her position as the "girl in the chair." shes a witch, the active(-) counterpart to the heir, which has the ability to directly change their aspect, or bring change through it. light is the aspect of knowledge/information, fortune, and "the spotlight," and in her position in the team, lucille manages the information passed between the team, and can change who knows what with a single click. her classpect makes her someone who changes light, or brings change through it. for example, she turned fortune in the chapter 2 pleapods fight in flynns favor by imparting Gun Knowledge onto him. shes a person who helps mainly by knowing who needs to have what information. also, this is the second of the classpects that have stayed the same!

VIOLET - maid of blood; derse dreamer. blood is the aspect of bonds, friendships, ties, etc. a maid is an active(-) class, which focuses on creating and maintaining their aspect ("thats not what i think a maid is-" shuuuuut uuuuuuuup! <3). so a maid of blood is someone who creates and maintains bonds between people. this is pretty spot on for violet! we see more of this with her character later, but within the group, she has the most emotional intelligence, and is very good at resolving tension within the group and dealing with interpersonal issues. and between her and viridian, who do you think was responsible for befriending vermillion, thus creating the friend group? violet is the glue that keeps the team together.

VIRIDIAN - page of void; vidium dreamer (odd player out). void is the most fascinating aspect to me- its the antithesis to light, and is the aspect of nothingness, of secrets, uncertainty, the unknown, and irrelevance. also pumpkins. and pages are the passive(+) counterpart to the knight, so the knight equips themselves with their aspect to weaponize it, and the page equips others with their aspect. pages are by far the weakest class initially, but after a long journey of self-discovery, can unlock the greatest potential within themselves, surpassing every other class in sheer power. viridian is a confusing person that few can truly understand. he knows who he is, and is very sure of himself, but others, not so much. he has this way of barely reacting to anything that makes everything around him seem insignificant. he even specializes in quantum mechanics, a field of science literally built around not being able to know things. his greatest strength is this bubble of void surrounding him, but never swallowing him. he equips everything around him with void, but barely ever has it himself

#tw homestuck #asks #earth 2068 #behind the scenes #flynn valakos #leon valakos #vermillion gacutan #phil gacutan #jordan phuong #lucille larsen #violet sparks #viridian kim

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shkspr · 3 years

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hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

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firelxdykatara · 3 years

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Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

#atla #katara #aang salt #kataang salt #anti kataang #atla meta #katara deserved better #salt for ts #ask meme #invincibleweasel #asked

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dieclownschaft · 3 years

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ooooh can i get a vibe check? gemini sun, taurus moon + cap rising ✨

gemini sun: because i have 3 gemini suns in my inbox in a rOW ill say everything about it rn and link the others here ldkajsl ok so geminis are sooo smart. because more than being an air sign, it also has a mutable quality. which means u know how to adapt to whoever ur talking to, u can fit in wherever bc ur very flexible. but while u are very easy to befriend, being an air sign gives u some detachment. maybe u have idk 10 friends but how many of them actually, truly know u? geminis are also all over the place; very curious and love doing different things at the same time. which is cool but then again u end up doing 100 different things but u only explore the surface of them, u dont go deep into anything. basically geminis are far from being boring, they are very fun and sociable. but they struggle with making decisions and fully connecting with things and people.

taurus moon: nOW THIS IS INTERESTING. taurus moon can be a disaster but i dont think it is for u. because is it a boring placement? yes aND THATS WHAT UR SUN NEEDS !!11KLjlkdslk im kidding i only bully the signs i know and like ok. are tauruses stubborn? yes bUT THAt also makes them loyal and u need this if u have a gemini sun <3 taurus get the boring stereotype bc they love to leave things how they are. they like familiarity. earth + fixed ... so this is fantastic for u anon. emotionally speaking, this placement gives u the calmness and commitment abilities u need to open up to people and keep them in ur life for a long time. so maybe u do have 10 friends and 1 that u have known for years <3

capricorn rising: thats funny bc u probably look super serious at first sight which doesnt have anything to do with ur core personality (gemini). cap is another conservative sign, like ur taurus moon. so im guessing ur first reaction to things is very practical and rational. also u look like a girlboss. maybe u even dress like one bc caps care a lot about appearances. also bc u have a cap rising, the planet that is ur chart ruler is saturn. saturn represents limitations now yea that can be bad bc u already have a cursedish moon, but its also good, giving u some structure and order.

OVERALL. im getting balanced vibes from you??!!?!? i think ur cap rising is fundamental to keep u grounded and help u achieve ur goals. but ur not a regular girlboss, ur a cool girlboss bc of ur sun <3

#maybe ur too much of a girlboss.. i hope u have a sensitive venus to really assure u can be tender ldjakls #asks #astro talk #queue

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medranochav · 3 years

Text

my moms been living with us for 4 months now. her stay was initially tolerable but is now triggering and I find myself regressing in a lot of ways. Her grief has evolved into torment and per her m.o. she'd like for her issues to take first priority. Except, my sis and I are grown now, and as a therapised household (literally we've all been in counseling, babies included) though we still lean on each other for support, we ultimately don't function codependently.

And beeecause that's not how we grew up, I think my mother is now having to contend with the reality that she has to do the emotional work of surviving her many traumas (and currently her many dramas) on her own. We support her but we can't fix it for her.

Currently, it's a crisis a day and she's spiraling into mini catastrophic states everytime. Which was sufferable at first because despite my labored support, I still maintained my boundaries and didn't adopt her distress as my own. The problem now is the increasing frequency with which these crying spells are taking place. Not to mention the fact that she's been doing so in front of the kids; something that would normally be acceptable because my sis and I make space for feelings (even our own) in our home. The difference being, we do so responsibly. We listen, we talk, give affection and/or space but always with the fundamental knowledge that our emotions belong to us individually and only we can be accountable for them. A gentle reminder that though part of a unit, they still have agency and accountability.

This interdependency makes way for a more compassionate exchange. Whenever they see us cry or be vunerable, the kids have the wherewithal to approach us without attaching themselves to our emotional circumstance. It's an empathy that perceives our emotional reactions as relatable but still not their responsibility. I've seen our work proven time and time again.

One example is when my sister's [redacted] died and the boys spotted her crying on the couch. Without being prompted, they approached her independently, commiserated, hugged and kissed her and shortly after went back to playing on their electronics. It was such a graceful display of emotional validation that demonstrated their love for her without sacrificing their own desires in doing so. Truly remarkable, that at ages 5-8 they maintained boundaries while still being there for their mom.

They're also there for one another but it's seldom a sinking ship. And when emotional support is rejected they respect that as well, without taking it personally [tbh that has more to do with concepts of mandatory consent that we impart on them, but as is evident, it applies. #intersectionality] It's an ongoing practice that I'm proud to be a part of, considering the kids have codependent figureheads in both their maternal and paternal families. WE'RE TRYING TO BREAK CYCLES HERE.

Yes, our home is a safe space for emotional processing but always leveraged with the emotional balance of self reliance, awareness and resiliency. The kids have proven to have the capacity for this and through teaching them, so do we.

It's human to have outbursts, but my mother's pattern is proving to be less intrinsic and more deliberate. She needs an audience in order to experience catharsis. A potentially reasonable behavior except for it's her only one. So it's imbalanced and seeks refuge in the reliance of our total empathy.

Furthermore she's disingenuous in her emotional performances. When approached out of concern, she responds with the proverbial, "I'm ok." Like, its subtle but super manipulative to say that, when we can CLEARLY see she's not. The kids see and hear her, the least she could do is not gaslight them. And I'm not saying her tactics are successful but it exposes the bby's to unnecessary dysfunction and covertly teaches them to assume the responsibility of communicating her emotion for her. She's also non verbal and unpredictable and tho not at her best rn [like, literally who is? this year has wrecked us all] she and we deserve proper communication.

The mind games are soul sucking and triggering for me in a way that is not for my sister. Though we share a mother, the repective versions of her that we experienced as children differ greatly.

My sister's the eldest and spent the first couple years of her life as the only child to a very young mother living alone in America after being displaced by the civil unrest in her native El Salvador. By age 3, with the addition of a new baby sister (my moms 2nd) she was sent to a country fully at war. My sisters would spend the next half decade of their lives in sunny wartorn tropics, watched over and raised by our family of four women. A blissful antithesis to their future with our mom. Upon the return to their forgotten country of origin (USA) and severed from the only family and community they've ever known, the girls were whisked away by a mother they barely remembered and a baby brother they had never met... marking the beginning of my mom's descent into single motherhood.

My mom resented having a brood of kids, namely her 2nd and 3rd, who's father was abusive and absent. Don't know much of the facts outside of what she would ritualistically berate my siblings about during her brutal tantrums -as if it were their fault they simply existed. The second born, my other sister, left home at 12 and has been estranged ever since and the third, my brother, has recently severed bonds abruptly claiming a new life with a woman he's known barely a year yet now calls wife. Proving that despite being raised by the same woman we all had different mothers.

Since my siblings endured a childhood with a volatile, violent woman who managed her emotions thru physical abuse... when she wasn't, she was neglectful of them, turning her attention onto me... the youngest (four years removed from the rest of the pack). I bore witness to said abuse until I was 5, when it was litigiously exposed, forcing her to abandon corporal punishment and rely solely on mental/emotional abuse. That's the version of my mom I got.

I was 10 when my sister left for college. Just my brother and I remained. Similarly to each other we both lived in service to our mother. Whereas his duties were more physically laborious, mine consisted of full on emotional labor. I spent most of my childhood navigating a homelife that was so saturated and occupied by my mother's opera of a life, that there was no room for my feelings, thoughts, desires or identity. I was her plaything, a person sans agency. My age and vulnerability proved advantagous when grooming me. I learned to behave in ways satisfactory to her needs. I was made to react to (and collect) her emotional distress, endorse her judgements of others, perform well in school as a testament to her rearing, and accept her violations of me as normal. I was a shackled spectator, whose own emotions were mere reflections of her dramatizations. I was tailored to be the MOST convenient. So I kept secrets and coped alone. I knew just enough abt myself to remain human but lacked the vision to actualize it. And because emotional abuse is so insidious in its indoctrination, I was really none the wiser until I too moved away years later.

I'm almost 30 now and I'm a mess. I can't establish enduring relationships, I'm fat, I'm broke, I'm debilitatingly avoidant, socially inept, codependent, confused and lack significant self worth. I spent the past decade delving deep into undoing all the work done to me to keep me a reliable supply for my mother and coming to terms with all the time lost in doing so. I've had glimpses and proof of another life but this year sent me back to old coping mechanisms and devastatingly familiar relationships. I read that by its very nature, all pandemics have to end and I thought I was strong enough to share a definite time&space with my abuser for the foreseeable future.... but with no end in sight, I kind of really wish I had established a clearer version of myself and where I stand in this family, to her.

Similar predicaments flung us both to the south and having her here is like a screen forging images of the same dysfunction I exhibited upon my arrival 7 years ago. There's so much I wish I could tell my former self, namely, "it's not your fault. you're not alone. you don't have to try so hard and tomorrow is another day" And perhapz it's this layered vision of myself as seen thru her that compels me to want to save her, but doing so requires me to get too close to a flame I've yet to extinguish. Im not foundationally sound enough to go up in flames and rebuild afterwards, I need a few more rounds of therapy for all that. I'm a stitch away from coming apart at the seams. Weak construction, but I'm still standing. I have more life to live and can't risk the breeze of my mother's chaotic whims to topple what's taken years to forge. I love her, because she's the only mom I got and because she's the kids' only access to our motherland. How can I reconcile this version of me with this version of her?

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basicsofislam · 3 years

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ISLAM 101: Muslim Culture and Character: Morals And Manners: Studying and Learning (Part 1)

The basis of acquiring knowledge is reading and studying. The first revelation of God’s Word to Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), the first command of his Prophethood, began with the command, “Read!” This announced a fundamental principle. Let us revisit these verses in Sura Alaq, the first verses of the Qur’an to be revealed:

(1) Read in and with the Name of your Lord, Who has created–

(2) created man from a clot clinging (to the wall of the womb)!

(3) Read, and your Lord is the All-Munificent,

(4) Who has taught (man) by the pen–

(5) taught man what he did not know! (96:1–5)

The first revelation begins with the command to read the miracle of creation through faith in God and knowledge of Him. Then it refers to the creation of human beings, encouraging con- templation on this miraculous occurrence in the second verse. It continues with another directive to “read,” and refers to “the pen,” “teaching/learning” (between God and people), “knowing” and “knowledge.” It is one of God’s great blessings that man, at first an insignificant being, was given knowledge that elevated hu- mankind to the highest level over all other creatures. Being taught not only knowledge, but also the use of the pen, humankind has thus been entrusted with the duty of spreading this knowledge far and wide, using it for development and progress, and preserving it for future generations. If it were not for the revelation of God and the blessings of abilities that are represented by “the pen” and “the book,” humanity could not have accomplished all the achieve- ments that have been constructed on the accumulated wisdom of centuries.

The basic state of humanity was unenlightened until God blessed us, allowing us to grow in knowledge. At every stage knowledge was given as a blessing and the doors of learning were opened by God. That which people thought they themselves had developed, in truth was given to them by their Creator without their realizing it. For this reason, everyone who has some knowl- edge should recognize the true Source of such blessings, praising and turning to the One Who granted them, and employing them in a manner that is pleasing to God. This will ensure that knowl- edge will never separate a person from God or cause them to for- get Him.

Any “knowledge” that distances a person from their Creator is divorced from its basic purpose. It can never be of benefit to peo- ple or make them happy, for it can produce only evil, depression, or destruction. As such knowledge has deviated from the Source of knowledge it has lost its direction and no longer leads to the Path of God. Therefore, it is crucial that someone who attains knowledge not forget, even for a moment, that the power and au- thority the knowledge has brought can be used for right or for wrong, and all persons will be responsible to the Originator of that knowledge for the way it is used.

“Knowledge is power,” or as the Qur’an says, “…whoever is granted the Wisdom has indeed been granted much good” (Baqara 2:269). In this verse, the word al-hikma—often translated as “the Wisdom”—means “beneficial knowledge.” Knowledge that is bene-ficial to people will also elevate the status of the person who knows. The Qur’an also says that those who know God cannot be on the same level with those who do not: “Is he who worships God devoutly in the watches of the night prostrating and standing, who fears the Hereafter and hopesfor the mercy of his Lord (to be likened to that other)? Say: ‘Are they ever equal, those who know and those who do not know?’ Only the people ofdiscernment will reflect on (the distinction between knowledge and ignorance, and obedience to God and disobedience,) and be mindful” (Zumar 39:9). This last verse makes it clear that knowledge must be used together with the ability to reason, drawing particular at- tention to the fact that any knowledge based on knowledge of God is true knowledge and beneficial to those who possess it. In fact, knowledge has a potentially destructive power in the hands of those who do not use their reason, merely acting in sheer ignorance of God. Beyond this basic adab of knowledge, let us now examine the further sayings of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be up- on him, on this topic.

At every opportunity, the Prophet drew attention to the im- portance of knowledge. One day he said to Abu Dharr, “O Abu Dharr, if you leave your home in the morning to go out to learn a verse of the Qur’an, this holds more blessings for you than per- forming a hundred rakats of supererogatory prayer. And if you leave your home in the morning to go out to acquire knowledge, this holds more benefit for you than performing a thousandrakats of supererogatory prayer.”1 In another hadith God’s Messenger said, “When God wills blessings for someone, He makes them knowledgeable in religion.”2

Moreover, keeping knowledge from people, unless one is forced to by circumstances, is not a desirable act. This was made clear by the Prophet, who said, “If someone is asked to share their knowledge but they hide it and do not speak, they will be bridled with a bridle of fire (on the Judgment Day).”3

The Prophet also made it known that spiritual knowledge, which puts a person on the right path and leads to righteousness, is more valuable than the greatest worldly treasures: “By God, it is better for you that God should give guidance to a single person on the right path through you than that you should acquire a whole herd of red camels.”4 At this time, red camels were very precious, and a person who owned such a camel was rich; extremely few people owned an entire herd of red camels. This comparison, therefore, clearly shows the value of knowledge that leads to good, and of leading others to good.

Yazid ibn Balama once asked, “O Messenger of God! I have memorized many of your sayings. But I am afraid that those I memorize later will make me forget those I memorized earlier. Tell me a word that will help me retain all the things I have learned without forgetting the others!” The Prophet replied, “Stay upright before God in what you have learned (and that is enough for you)!”5

One of the most esteemed Companions of the Prophet, Ibn Abbas, gave the following advice: “Tell people one hadith per week. If this does not seem enough, recount two or three. And never cause people to become bored with the Qur’an! When peo- ple are talking amongst themselves, never let me see you walk up and interrupt them to teach them something. When they are speaking, be quiet and listen. If they come to you and ask you to talk, then you should teach them on their request.”6

In addition to choosing the appropriate time, it is also impor- tant when teaching ethical principles or religious knowledge to choose a level that can be understood by one’s audience. Some people try to appear knowledgeable by using a style and manner which is not clear or understandable. This is wrong, as it goes against the proper manners of speaking to people in a way that makes sense to them. No less a person than Ali ibn Abu Talib said, “Tell people things they can understand. Do you want to be re- sponsible for making God and His Messenger misunderstood?”7 He meant that plain and clear speech should be used, especially when speaking of spiritual matters. Ibn Mas’ud also said, “If you say something to a gathering which is above their intellectual ca- pacity, it will certainly lead some of them into mischief.”8

Someone who lives an exemplary life and tries to please God by teaching other people and sharing knowledge is on the Path of God, and God is indeed pleased by such a person. Kathir ibn Qays explains, “I was in the Mosque at Damascus sitting beside Abu al- Darda. A man came and said, ‘O Abu al-Darda, I came from the Prophet’s city of Medina to ask about a hadith that I have heard you are relating.’ Abu al-Darda, in order to find out whether this was really the man’s intention, asked, ‘Could you also have come to do business (trade)?’ ‘No,’ he answered, ‘I did not come to do any such thing.’ He asked again, ‘So you did not come for any- thing else other than to hear a hadith?’ The man replied, ‘No, I came only because I heard that you know hadith.’ Only when he had established that the man had truly come to win God’s pleasure did Abu al-Darda say, ‘I heard the Prophet of God say, “God will make the path to Heaven easy to anyone who takes to the road looking for knowledge. Angels lower their wings over the seeker of knowledge, being pleased with what he does. All the creatures in the earth and sky, even the fish in the sea, pray for God’s help and forgiveness for those who acquire knowledge. The superiority of the scholar over the worshipper is like the superiority of the moon over the stars (i.e., in brightness). Scholars are the heirs to the Prophets. For the Prophets left neither dinar nor dirham (units of money) but knowledge as their inheritance. Therefore he who acquires knowledge has in fact acquired an abundant portion.”’”9

The following points can be deduced from the hadith:

Any effort or endeavor that is expended on acquiring knowledge is counted as effort or struggle made on God’s way, and this leads a person to Paradise. To put it simply, the path of knowledge is the path to Heaven; what a beautiful path it is. The angels come to the aid of one who is on this path, and all creation offers prayers for them.

The difference between the scholar and the follower is like the difference between the moon and stars, for knowledge is a light that illuminates a person’s whole surroundings and the community of the knowledgeable person. It shows the right path to everyone. However, a person who sim- ply follows, even if they perform a great deal of super- erogatory worship, does not benefit others in the same way. Their worship benefits only themselves. Those who choose knowledge, on the other hand, bring blessings down upon themselves and all those around them.

Scholars are the heirs to the Prophets; the only thing the Prophets left as an inheritance was knowledge. When schol- ars choose the path of learning and the pursuit of knowl- edge, they win the honor of inheriting the legacy of the Prophets. One of the Prophet’s Companions, Abu Hurayra, was almost always at the Prophet’s side. He would listen to all the Prophet’s teachings, carefully memorizing his say- ings. One day in Medina, he spoke aloud to the people milling about on the street: “The Prophet’s inheritance is being divided up; why are you wasting time here? Go and claim your share!” The people said, “Where is it being dis- tributed?” Abu Hurayra said, “In the mosque.” So they ran to the mosque. But soon they turned around and came back, and Abu Hurayra asked, “What’s happened?” They said, “We went to the mosque, but we did not see anything like what you said being distributed.” So he asked, “Was there no one in the mosque?” They answered, “Yes, we saw some people; some of them were praying salat, some were reading the Qur’an, and some were talking about the per- missible and the prohibited.” Hearing this, Abu Hurayra told them, “Shame on you. That was the Prophet’s inheritance.”10

The Qur’an mentions the adab of sitting in the gatherings where a scholar or spiritual guide is teaching to increase one’s faith and knowledge:

O you who believe! When you are told, “Make room in the assemblies (for one another and for new comers),” do make room. God will make room for you (in His grace and Paradise). And when you are told, “Rise up (and leave the assembly),” then do rise up. God will raise (in degree) those of you who truly believe (and act accordingly), and in degrees those who have been granted the knowledge (especially of religious matters). Surely God is fully aware of all that you do. (Mujadila 58:11)

When knowledge, which leads one to greater piety and a bet- ter religious life, and allows others to benefit, is added to faith, God will exalt its owner by many ranks. God commanded the Prophet, “(O Muhammad,) Say, ‘O my Lord, increase me in knowl- edge!’” (TaHa 20:114).

In full submission to this Divine order, the Prophet prayed, “O God, make the knowledge You have taught me benefit me, and continue to teach me knowledge that will benefit me. Increase me in knowledge. God be praised at all times.”11 This prayer in which Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, asks God to make his knowledge beneficial to him is also complement- ed by another prayer in which he sought refuge in God from knowledge that would not prove beneficial.

Why do humans learn? Why should knowledgeable people be so highly regarded above all others? The answer to these questions can be found in the Qur’an: “Of all His servants, only those possessed of true knowledge stand in awe of God…” (Fatir 35:28). So it can be said that one reason for this is that scholars make it possible for others to know God better and to better understand the message of the Prophets of God.

God’s Messenger taught that it was worthwhile to envy two things. One of these is when someone takes the possessions God has bestowed on them and spends them in the way of God. The other is when someone blessed with knowledge and wisdom becomes a teacher and shares that wisdom with others.12 This means that when one acquires knowledge, one should then teach it to others; it is not wrong to “envy” (desire to be like) a person who does this.

The Prophet said the following regarding studying, literacy, education, making our knowledge a source of good for others, and educating others: “It is incumbent upon all Muslims to acquire knowledge.”13 As we can see, studying and learning are of critical importance in Islam. These hadith confirm the Prophet’s teaching,

“Knowledge and wisdom are the common property of every be- liever; wherever they are found, they should be acquired.”14

The technology we have today is without a doubt the product of knowledge. It is easy to understand, looking from the perspec- tive of the heights of knowledge, from the science and technology that have been achieved in the modern world, why Islam empha- sizes knowledge and education so strongly. Is it possible to ignore its importance when we are surrounded by all the useful fruits and products of intellectual inquiry? Certainly we must listen well to the teachings of Islam on this matter and show greater concern for educating the next generation if we are to solve some of the cur- rent harmful trends. Instead of leaving them material possessions, we should spend our money to make sure they receive opportuni- ties to become truly “rich” in knowledge. Ali ibn Abu Talib said, “Someone who has money will have to protect it, whereas a person who has knowledge will be protected by it. Knowledge is a king; possessions are captives. And when possessions are spent they di- minish, while knowledge increases when shared.”15 Highlighting the excellence of knowledge Prophet Muhammad, peace and bless- ings be upon him, said, “Be of those who teach or those who learn, those who listen, or those who love knowledge. If you are not in at least one of these groups, you are headed for destruction.”16

The adab of learning applies not only to those who are teach- ing and learning religious studies but all types of useful knowl- edge. Here we give some details for our younger brothers and sis- ters who are students, regarding the adab of learning to add to what has been quoted above:

If at first you don’t succeed do not lose heart.

Classes should be entered with a mind that is prepared and willing.

Listen to a teacher with your spiritual ears.

When you don’t understand something, always ask.

Try to make friends with successful students and get tips from them.

Always plan and organize your time.

Always try to be the best.

Don’t go on to something else until you have understood what you are working on.

If what you are studying is practically applicable, learn it through application.

Do not maintain ties with people who discourage you from learning or dislike your studying.

Be respectful and humble towards your teachers.

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burtlederp · 4 years

Note

Grant(3), Caleb(4), Caetan(35), Tiburon(49) oops,, its a lot, huh? Your characters are just awesome hAHA sorrYY

Nooo don’t apologize thank YOU!!! I’M sorry for taking so long to respond!!!

Putting stuff under a readmore because holy hell there’s a lot of it

3. What is/was Grant’s relationship with his father like? tw: drugs, drugs, and more drugs; child abuse a la neglect

He’s laying on his back in the middle of his apartment, staring at the domed ceiling overhead. Coherent thoughts are far and few between, his mind muddled by the haze that fills it, fills the room, the whole apartment. Before he’d started smoking, he’d known he’d regret stealing so much weed, but for now, he didn’t. He floated in a peaceful bliss, utterly serene. No thoughts in, no thoughts out. Just smoke, curling and floating around him. Shapes moved amongst the haze, too faint to identify, passing, shifting forms. People, perhaps, walking by, walking around him. Legs passing by, nobody ever stopping to look down at him. People milling about, paces slowing, soon they’re coming and going. They enter the room, they talk, they leave after a brief exchange of currencies. His father is sitting behind him, on the couch. He’s high too, he’s always high, Grant can just barely see the shadows of his father’s hunched form when he tips his head back. His father never relaxed when he was high. He always became even higher strung, if that was possible. He only calmed down when he had heroin in his veins, or something stronger.

Grant couldn’t see the face of the smoky form of his father. There wasn’t one. In his memory, there never had been. His father in the transient construction of smoke was as accurate as any depiction Grant could have conjured on his own. Never present, never really there, always drugged out of his mind, never sober. Just the same as the haze that filled the house permanently.

4. Has Caleb ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed him? If so, does anyone else know? tw: war is hell, child abuse a la war is fucking hell, no I’ve not read the Silmarillion I just like the idea of Tom Bombadil don’t @ me

Caleb scrubbed his face on his arm and shivered, pulling the tattered cloth he called a blanket tighter around himself. It’d been raining for days now, with no end in sight, and it had transformed the prairie into a mudscape. He and one other lone figure huddled around a tree that stood tall in the midst of the brown sea, one solitary rise of solid ground, one lone spot of relative shelter.

“B-beautiful weather, innit?” the other, the stranger, chuckled. It was the first thing they’d said since they arrived. They’d showed up last night, flopping down against the tree and falling asleep. Caleb had kept his distance, kept still, not showing any inclination of actually being alive. He didn’t reply to the stranger’s comment on the weather.

“Not in th’ mood ‘fer talkin’? Thas’ a’ight…” they sighed after a long minute, realizing Caleb wouldn’t respond. “An’ I know yer’ not asleep, ‘cause iss’ too cold t’be sleepin’ right now.” Caleb still didn’t respond. He was wary of the person. There was no such thing as a stranger with ulterior motives.

“Don’ worry, I got enough words fer’ th’ both of us,” the stranger, a man, Caleb realized over the constant sound of rain, scoffed. Caleb looked heavenward, praying silently.

Please, no, don’t let him talk, Caleb prayed, but unfortunately the gods were not on his side in this moment.

“I’ve met a god before. Now, I know what yer’ thinkin’--’you? Dionisio? Seen a god? Ha! As if!’ But I tells ya’, I met ‘em. Hell if I’m to know which one he was or what he did or whatnot, but I met ‘im and he was a fabulous fella. Called ‘imself Tom, of all things. Can ye’ believe that? A god, named Tom! Ah, I hardly believed it myself when ‘e said it.” Caleb sighed, rubbing his face. The man’s name was Dionisio, and he was crazy. Excellent. I’m stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with a crazy man who’s likely going to kill and eat me.

A distinct crunch cut off Caleb’s train of thought. It wasn’t a sickening crunch, like a breaking bone or the like, but like a bite into an apple, a fresh, crisp apple. Caleb spun around, looking around the tree to see the man, as crinkled and wrinkled and dirty and filthy as he had sounded and smelled, leaned comfortably against the tree. His dark, beady eyes twinkled as Caleb stared at him.

“Mm, I knew that’d get yer’ attention!” he laughed, a hand lowering to his side. Before Caleb could react, jump back from the man’s drawn sword--he realized the man hadn’t drawn a sword at all. It was another apple. He held out the bright red fruit to Caleb. “Go on n’ take it, lad, y’probably more starved than I am!”

Caleb sat there, hesitating, eyes flickering between the apple and the man, weighing his options. He could take the apple, but… what did he want in return? Was the apple cursed? Poisoned? Was this a trick? He backed up a step warily, like a shy animal.

“Ayee, I’m not gonna ‘urt you! I jus’ wanna give y’ somethin’ t’eat. I swear I ain’t mean nuthin’ by it,” Dionisio insisted, holding the apple out further. Caleb stared, waiting. Dionisio tilted his head, giving a wry smile. “C’mon laddie. I ain’t mean ye no harm, c’mon.” His voice softened as he spoke, getting a little quieter, more gentle, not so rough and abrasive like the coarse mud that surrounded them. Caleb swallowed, his stomach twisting. It’d been days since he’d eaten. He didn’t remember when he’d last eaten. And here it was, food, offered with no strings attached. It was too good to be true. But his hunger overrode his instincts now and he snatched the apple from the man’s hand, leaping away right after.

“Aye, there we go, there we go, see? An’ I didn’ even ‘urt ye!” Dionisio chortled, watching as Caleb devoured the apple. The old man kept smiling, but it faded somewhat as the small, one-armed boy ate. “Ye been hit as ‘ard as anyone else by this war, ain’t ye?”

Caleb, chewing, looked up briefly at the man through messy, curly, wet black hair that fell in his eyes. He nodded, ever so slightly.

“Ye… Ain’t we all…” Dionisio sighed, letting his head rest against th’ tree. “I got more apples fer’ ye if ye want ‘em after that ‘un.” Caleb frowned.

“Why?” Caleb was surprised as the sound that came from his throat was not one he recognized. It was a croak, rough and unused. Though it had been… well, Caleb didn’t even know the last time he’d spoken. He cleared his throat and tried again, questioning the man. Dionisio huffed a laugh.

“‘Why’? Whaddya’ mean, ‘why’?” the old man looked to him with a grin. “‘Cause I want to, and ye look half-dead, and ye barely a child! Ye need it more than I do.”

“But….” Caleb looked down at the core of the apple in his hand. “You could last so much longer if you kept them to yourself.”

“But you’ll last so much longer if I don’t, won’t ye?” Dionisio pointed out simply. “That’s reason enough fer’ me.” A spot of red appeared in Caleb’s peripheral vision, and he raised his head to see another apple being offered to him, Dionisio smiling. Caleb took it slowly.

“No… no other goal…?” Caleb asked cautiously, and Dionisio shook his head.

“None. I jus’ wanna see ye get outta’ this war alive, lad.”

Caleb leaned back against the tree as Dionisio kept telling his story, listening out of one ear as he thought about the apple. Food, so precious in this time of war and chaos, and he’d given it away freely.

Perhaps there are good people in this world, still… Caleb thought as Dionisio talked and talked and talked, and it rained and rained and rained.

35. How does Caetan behave around people he likes? in a word: badly tw: implied to-happen noncon/r*pe

Caetan drummed his fingers on the bartop, chin resting in his other hand. He nudged his drink around a bit, bored. He didn’t really know what he was here for. Well, he did, he knew very well. He’d been more than busy the past couple weeks, and was yearning for some company. But he wasn’t sure what mood he was in.

And then someone sat down a few seats from him at the bar and he did a double-take. A man, maybe 6-foot-one, with short, dark hair that was well-kept, well-styled. Lean, well-muscled, but not brawny. His face was narrow, and by god that was the most perfect nose Caetan had ever seen in his life.

Caetan realized what mood he was in and got to his feet.

“This seat taken?” Caetan inquired. The man turned, looking up at him with deep, chocolate-y brown eyes that made Caetan pray the man said no because his knees were about to give out. The man shook his head, and Caetan tried to slip into the seat without giving away how weak he was already. “You here alone tonight?”

“I am,” the stranger responded, eyeing Caetan somewhat warily.

“That’s a shame,” Caetan shook his head. “A beautiful creature like yourself on your own on a Friday night? I’d say that’s a crime against humanity.”

The man stared at him, and Caetan suddenly second-guessed everything he’d said or done already. What had he done wrong? Could he fix it? What--

“I’m straight.” Ah. That’s what’s wrong. Caetan’s face fell a bit.

“Well, damn. You sure?” Caetan sighed.

“Very,” the man replied stiffly.

“That’s an even bigger shame, then,” Caetan grunted, motioning the bartender over. “Let me buy you a drink then, to save some face.”

“No thanks,” the man said quickly, getting to his feet. “Have a good night.” With that, the beautiful stranger turned and walked away. Caetan watched him go, and slowly got to his feet, moving stealthily through the bar as the man headed to the door of the bar, and he followed him out into the night.

49. If Tiburon was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through. I had no idea what to do with this for a looong time, ngl cw: cannablism(?), consumption of human flesh, gore, Tiburon doesn’t give two shits about your ‘ethics’, he’s got his own that he’s following; oh and implied kidnapping, planned torture that never happens

It occurred to Tiburon, now too late, that perhaps he was in over his head. ‘Infiltrate the mafia,’ they said, ‘it’ll be fun,’ they said. ‘You surely won’t be forced to torture and kill someone!,’ they said, he thought bitterly as he stood in front of a man tied firmly to a chair, a black bag over his head. His head was bowed inside the bag, but he wasn’t unconscious; Tiburon could hear the man choking on sobs, shoulders shaking. Tiburon had killed people before, he’d eaten people before, he had no issue with that; it was the torture that made him hesitate. Every time he’d killed, he’d taken special care to not let them suffer, he hated suffering.

And now here he was, being compelled to do it. Well, he would be, it hadn’t happened yet. He was trapped in this shipping container, another man standing by the door, waiting, watching, playing witness to Tiburon’s actions to let the boss know he was legit. Tiburon sighed, rubbing his face. What a fucking inconvenience. Six months--six fucking months of work, all down the drain, just like that. He tortured this man, made him suffer, or they would kill Tiburon. Well, they thought they would. Unfortunately, they were currently on the docks, so Tiburon would make his getaway before they ever knew he’d changed his mind about the work.

He turned away from the sobbing, bound man to face the guard, crossing his arms. The man, at least a head taller than Tiburon and fifty pounds heavier, every ounce made of muscle, eyed him.

“What?” The man’s voice was exactly what Tiburon had pictured--deep, raspy, heavy. Appropriate.

“Nothing,” Tiburon replied, looking away with a sigh. He rubbed his jaw, thinking. He had to cut to the chase before things started getting iffy. He turned back around and walked close to the guard.

“What’re you doing?” the guard grunted, sizing up the supposed torturer while the supposed torturer did the same to him. Tiburon did not reply, not verbally, grabbing the man by the head and pushing him against the wall. The guard barked in alarm and fought back, but Tiburon was quicker and slippery. Before the large brute could get a good grip on him and make the whole ordeal a lot more trouble, he leapt forward and sank his teeth into the man’s throat. The guard’s shout of alarm quickly twisted into a scream, then into a gargled wail that was silenced as Tiburon pulled away, trachea still in his teeth. The guard slumped to the floor, grasping at his own neck with wide eyes, and Tiburon hated it. A swift kick, and the guard’s body shuddered and went still, skull dented. Tiburon chewed thoughtfully on the trachea for a moment, surveying his work, and went to the captive man. The poor creature yelped in alarm at the touch as Tiburon cut through the zipties, but went quiet as the black hood was yanked off. The man’s eyes went wide as he saw the cartilage in Tiburon’s mouth, the dead body, and scrambled backwards with a terrified shriek.

“No, no, no no no please!” he begged, tears rolling down his cheek, one hand outstretched protectively. Tiburon frowned.

“Don’t worry, I won’t, I just figured it’d be cruel to leave you alone in the summer heat. Toodles.” With that, the merman turned and stepped out of the shipping crate, walking to the edge of the water, at some point discarding the trachea (cartilage wasn’t good eats anyhow) along the way. He dove in, relishing the cool ocean saltwater as it closed over his head, pleasant in the summer heat.

Six whole months… he thought again as he swam away, his legs fusing into a long tail, skin becoming rough, teeth sharpening. Ah well. Now I know; the mafia isn’t worth the work.

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thetransguard-archive · 4 years

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tag game: 50 Qs

i wasnt tagged but i saw this post off @nicolodigenovas and what can i say i just have a bit of time to burn so im burnin it!

what is the color of your hairbrush? black bcos im boring

name a food you never eat: pickles. i will not eat pickles not on pain of death much to the disappointment and horror of my parents

are you typically too warm or too cold? i only ever get cold??? im used to the tropics i guess

what were you doing 45 mins ago? studying :) for :) my :) final :) exams :)

what’s your favorite candy bar? idrc but i will go insane for hard candies

have you ever been to a professional sports game? i actually haven’t? i’ve done a fair amount of school sports etc etc but i dont have a vested interest in professional sport. that being said i wanna go to a serena williams or naomi osaka match before i die

what is the last thing you said out loud? they were sung but um the lyrics to cigar by tamino i love that song so much

what is your favorite ice cream? coffee flavoured

what was the last thing you had to drink? oh just water

do you like your wallet? i dont own wallets i just shove money into the pockets of my jackets and jeans and hope to god i remember to fish it out before it goes into the wash

what is the last thing you ate? dinner which was lasagna

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i bought new formal pants for my school formal which is happening at some point as well as a gold chain that is very not heterosexual looking of me

what’s the last sporting event you watched? must’ve been the american open final?

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? sweet n salty i like it kind of mild but plain is intolerable to me

who is the last person you sent a text message to? my year seven group chat!! crazy how im still friends with the same fundamental circle of 8 people like 6 years later

ever been camping? yes it was fun i got to light shit on fire

do you take vitamins? nope

do you regularly attend a place of worship? temple is reserved for special occasions so no

do you have a tan? i have never had a sunburn in my life thank you viet genes for my rights

do you prefer Chinese or pizza? pizza i pretty much never have chinese food tbh

do you drink your soda through a straw? no we chug like men

what color socks do you usually wear? white or obnoxiously patterned

do you ever drive above the speed limit? i don’t drive all that much but when i do no im only a learner so

what terrifies you? being forgotten and alone aha

look to your left, what do you see? the tube of hair dye that will make my hair blue eventually

what chore do you hate most? folding clothes something about it is just wired to irritate everything inside of me

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? SFDGHJKL;GDJKSL this question is so funnily specific and i just dont Think like thats what im surrounded by 24/7 so

what’s your favorite soda? sprite? some variation of lemonade methinks

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru

what’s your favorite number? 7

who’s the last person you talked to? i called my friend dom a few hours ago

favorite cut of beef? idc

last song you listened to? currently listening to habibi by tamino

last book you read? i was rereading orlando by virginia woolf yesterday

favorite day of the week? idk why i’ve always been partial to thursdays

can you say the alphabet backwards? i can barely say it forwards dude

how do you like your coffee? black or a mocha no inbetween

favorite pair of shoes? i have these really nice black boots that give me a lot of weight when i walk

time you normally get up? awake at 7, actually up at 9 if i can help it

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

how many blankets on your bed? just the one

describe your kitchen plates. mostly plain white porcelain, but we have a few with blue flowers painted on them that we get for cheap from the same viet grocery where we get our rice from

describe your kitchen at the moment. very dark, the only sound i’m hearing is the dishwasher going. it is 1:30am so i mean...

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? we mix beer in with lemonade its nice

do you play cards? only if my friends bring the cards i dont play by my own volition ever

what color is your car? we have a red car and a black car

can you change a tire? in theory, sure, in practice, not so much

your favorite state? this feels usa centric but im bending it to my will and yes new south wales is my favourite state because i live in it :)

favorite job you’ve had? working in a childcare centre was genuinely the most fun i’d had and i would go back there in a heartbeat if i weren’t aiming for older kids to nail some good solid appreciation for human rights into

i will not be tagging anyone this was purely self indulgent but if u want u can do it :)

#ok ill shut up now goodnight #seph.txt

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queenhawke · 4 years

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ok goddamn here are all my Gripes with the timeless children/s12 more broadly in one post so i can just get it all out there and stop thinking about it hopefully.

this is far too long and frankly very rambly and incoherent but i absolutely do not have the time or energy to write some sort of Coherent Essay lmao

but uhhh tl;dr get ya head outta the past and into the present, chibs

ok so first of all it’s just a badly written episode. like chibs my dude my bro my pal why the Fuck did u think having the master just Exposition at the doctor for 40 minutes was a good idea. why did u think that i would care about any of the 4??? side characters (i can’t even fuckin remember how many there were!!!) when they are just. complete nonentities. why should i care about obi-wan ko sharmus sacrificing himself when he’s just. There. and his backstory gets explained 5 seconds before he dies and it’s not even that interesting. wHyYyyy would u leave Time Lord/Cyberman Hybrid for the last 5 minutes and then have them just stand around doing nothing!!!! why on GOD’S GREEN EARTH would u take the genuinely interesting concept of a cyberman zealot/cult leader and then just be like ‘ye so he wants to be a robot and also he has a big Death Bomb now for some reason’. like having the master point out that it’s a dumb plan doesn’t make it any less of a dumb plan aaaahhhhhhhhh

BUT ALL THAT ASIDE all that nonsense aside.......... what is this timeless child thing, really. like what does it add to the doctor as a character. what does it add to the time lords as a concept? like. the Big Shocking reveal is that...... time lords are bastards, lied about shit and manipulated an innocent child? like YA BRO WE BEEN KNEW, that is exactly what they did w/ the master in the end of time (which. i also thought was dumb but w/e). like this ain’t new, chibs! except now it’s about them doing it to the doctor and now it’s Revealed that the doctor is the Most Specialest Person In Time Lord History and like

why tho

like is this really more interesting than the doctor just being a regular, even kinda shitty time lord who became a good person

“oh but it adds more mystery” does it???? how?? bc idk what y’all saw but to me it looked like they just explained the doctor’s entire fuckin backstory. like. all we don’t know is

1. where the kid came from, which honestly...... isn’t that interesting a question bc it’s either like another planet/dimension or mayyyyybe it’s some sort of stable time loop thing idk but like. yawn. sorry maybe other people find that exciting, it sounds extremely boring to me.

and 2. we don’t know the full extent of what the doctor did w/ the Division (which. god i can’t stop thinking about the video game whenever i see that name) but like........ ok let’s say maybe the doctor did Bad Shit when they were w/ those time lords. that’s kind of the implication right? either they were forced to do bad shit or they initially voluntarily did bad shit and then rebelled and that’s where ruth!doctor comes in. like that seems the most likely trajectory that storyline takes

but

that’s all way in the past

like that’s happened and judging by ruth they’ve basically already learned and grown from that AND THEN presumably they got mindwiped and started over as a kid so like...... can you even hold the current doctor accountable and also like.

like it’s done

like it’s over

ruth is here

we’re already at the end point of this progression you know

i mean unless chibs intends to do episodes from the perspective of that pre-hartnell era, which i kinda doubt but who knows. but otherwise, the only way you can show that whole like... chain of events, is through flashback and exposition and i just. hmmmm im already tired

“oh but it fits perfectly in the lore and it makes sense and” ok but i don’t!! care!! how it fits in the Lore!! like if you do care about Lore that’s cool but like im sorry i fundamentally don’t give a shit UNLESS it is backed up by genuinely interesting character stuff and i just

don’t see anything here that wasn’t already in the show u know

“oh but morbius doctors explained!!” u think the casual audience knows or cares about the fuckin morbius doctors??? im not a casual viewer and i don’t even give a shit about the morbius doctors. im sure people do!!! i know people do But God Jesus Christ the last thing dr who needs to do is continuously go back into its own history to fix plot holes that really aren’t important to any of the characters at all. it’s a 56 year old show, there’s gonna be inconstencies and unless “““fixing”“““ those inconstistencies leads to actual interesting stories i Just Do Not Give A Shit

and like i get the feeling that this whole thing was smth chris chibnall has had in his head since forever, like this was his Big Bold Plan when he was a young guy watching classic who. and like. i get wanting to do that story now, but... the show has moved on, the world has moved on. he can do whatever he likes, but things have in fact happened, and sometimes you gotta adjust your big dream story to account for those things that have changed. sure, every showrunner is completely entitled to do with the show what they want, BUT the audience is still experiencing the show as one continuous story, and you gotta take that into account unless you want it to be super jarring for them! you want the master to blow up gallifrey, but gallifrey has been blown up + brought back in very recent history? find another way. this story could easily have been done without destroying gallifrey. i mean, have the master kill some time lords, sure, whatever. but keep them around! have them react to the doctor finding out the truth, have them confront each other!!! isn’t that a much more interesting story, anyway?

ok jesus this is getting way too long LISTEN

here are my main points:

- like the cartmel plan before it, it takes away far more mystery than it adds. it takes the vast and endless Unknown and turns it into like... a “mystery” plot the size of your average scandinoir thriller. before, the doctor’s life before an unearthly child could be anything you want. now it’s.... this

- the actual execution of it is bad. the dr sits in a cage for 40 minutes and is shocked and then she gets over it in that same episode

- it robs the doctor of a certain kind of agency and accountability. instead of a privileged time lord who got better through their travels and companions, now they’re an abused, adopted child who was always an outcast. and that’s not like..... an inherently bad story!! i get why that resonates with people, i do. BUT BUT BUT....... why does that have to be their story. why does that have to get shoved into the doctor’s backstory when that could be the story of a companion? why are you replacing one story when you could be creating new ones?

i think actually that’s my Main Gripe with all of this.

why is this the doctor’s story?

for an era that is supposed to be all about inclusivity and diversity and Space For All, why is the end result that the companions get shoved to the side in favour of doing gallifrey and the master again, in favour of Lore, in favour of the fuckin morbius doctors? why would you dangle jo martin in front of my face and then reduce her to the Magical Black Woman trope in this ep? why does the character who has up to this point been portrayed by 13 white men and 1 white woman, get the backstory about being an adoptee, why are you making all these past doctors people of colour and of different genders, instead of just... acknowledging that doctor who’s past wasn’t very diverse, and forging ahead with NEW stories instead.

doctor who thrives on change, but this isn’t.... like it’s not going forward. it’s looking back and prioritising the past instead of focusing on the present, on the new generation. i didn’t like s11 much, but not using any past monsters was a good refreshing choice! no, they weren’t all great, but we got stuff like demons of the punjab and ITYA out of it, stories that were genuinely great and new. and in many ways s12 was an improvement, but going so full-in on classic monsters and stories... it felt like a step back.

i want new stories. tell me about yaz. tell me about ryan. tell me about places that aren’t england or gallifrey or other places we’ve been to. tell me about monsters that aren’t the daleks or cybermen or time lords. tell me about new mistakes the doctor makes. let her fuck up now, in the present. let her make bad decisions, let her do shitty things now, not lifetimes ago. let graham, yaz and ryan fuck up. let the fam clash with each other, really clash, not this half-assed stuff we had this season. tell me new stories with these new characters, that i still feel like i barely know despite having had two full seasons with them.

and give me jo martin as the 14th doctor goddamn

#jo has thoughts #this is Too Long #but hopefully now i can Rest

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ducksanddairy · 4 years

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Hello!! I really love your art you’re so talented!! Do you have any tips for doing concept art for someone who’s never done it before? Maybe even just lighting tips? Thank you! xx

Aa this is very flattering! Im by no means an expert! But if you need help, id suggest watching FZDschool on youtube, theyre an amazing resource, and in terms of lighting etc my main tip is that your goal is to sell your design, don't make a character stand boring, or overdo the lighting so you cant see half of them you know? Focus on design. In environment, its the same, focus on design, void boring things and instead use breakdowns, they don't want to see an environment if you can't tell them what it does and its story. Show a close up of the door for modellers, keep it interesting you are a designer first and an illustrator second. And the last advice i can give so i dont make this too long, is to not be precious with your work, 90% or more is not going to be seen by anyone ever, you will get critiques and things you dont agree with, but its your job to work for the client ( unless you are the client/personal work ) you can be proud of your work and thats fine! You can be proud, but don't be rude or arrogant, no one likes to work with arseholes. ♡ so! Work quick, work well and learn fundamentals.

#ask

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blarhiv · 5 years

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hi, i was the recent anon who asked abt ur opinion abt ppl calling jimin out with his stage presence, and i was very sad just by reading these set of comments who called him out like that when the comment they replied under was standing up for jimin and then the replies started to kinda think low of him when he wasn't even part of anything, and the fact that this person actually said jimin was the least. and then another comment replied, he's a good dancer, but he's very boxed, and focuses +

focuses more on his dance-- when it was the complete opposite. everything she said abt jimin was the complete opposite, i wish i could copy paste everything she said right now, but i dont wanna be at the worst mood bc of it. it really pissed me off, bc the replies were only defending the others, whereas jimin was the only one who was disregarded. they say jk and v, have the best stage presence, but there is also jhope, and i think they only have that idea pretty much because they're also the two most popular members in the whole group, and you knoww the visuals. i dont really disagree with them having oke of the best stage presence bc it's true, but the fact that they would degrade jimin or rank him at the least when it comes to dominating the stage, makes no sense whatsoever for me. that is completely ironic, if u were to tell me. out of everyone, they name him like that. seeing as to how im a person who's attached to him for a very long time now, it's sad to say that they sad to say that they have missed so much about him. like they're forcing themselves to deny him like that. I'm just super sad when everyone talks about him like this, especially that he's the most insecure and perfectionist out of all the members, working himself off to the brim of torture. and yet here they are. she said, (i literally had to copy paste this) "jimin has stage presence but i feel like it's very boxed into what he's used to, sometimes he focuses on his dance you don't see the feeling on his face or vice versa, the way he interacts with the crowd is also limited idk its very limited to me.... he's definitely talented but stage presence and HOW you command a crowd is a whole other thing. Its like a painter being a master at all the fundamentals but it's different when someone is a master AND goes beyond the fundamentals, wrecks havoc on a canvas, creating something that evokes wild emotions into whoever sees their art..." (- banconx on YouTube) was what she said, but isn't that what he has been doing his entire career? the fact that he enraptures me just by the growl of his voice he is actually very loud and he knows how to use his volume. the fact that just by a look from him, he has dominated the whole performance, for example with that one performance they had in a concert during Dope, and the Perfect Man stage are good few examples especially thE fAN dance that he did. he recieved the most attention during the dance line's intro in Idol MMA 2018. he literally sassed everyone at that time the responses said he was boring and only focused on his dance-- how when at the same time he still gave off strong vibes and with his facial expressions, and the fact that his moves were still very sharp without looking away from his dance. and obviously the rest of the members were also trying to focus with the accuracy of their dances, just by doing the same with whatever jimin was executing. instead of having me convinced that these people were giving out their opinions, they have convinced me that they more of clowning him. so, that actually means they're shaming the whole music industry. and i know i am overreacting but it just pisses me off, because they were making no sense. and i wanted to rant to someone. i know i said so much, but that's how park jimin made me so dedicated to him and how much he has inspired and motivated me to become a performer myself. (idk if im adding)

Anonie,sorry for late answer.

I understand your feelings.. Sometimes it seems really hard,but please try not to be affected so much about what other people have to say (haters and antis include). People most likely want reaction,or they just have nothing to do etc etc etc. So instead of giving them what they want, focus on your own opinion, focus on why you love Jimin, not on why they hate him(haters gonna hate anyway,while boys will live their best life).

#ask

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twitchesandstitches · 4 years

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twitchy mass effect squad thoughts: 2

Kasumi Goto: It’s hard to get a read on her, but she’s a ton of fun; I genuinely like her a fair amount, and she definitely sticks out of the cast. Not the least because as she admits in the third game, she’s out of place in a squad of commandos. I can honestly see her as a support member, in all honesty.

Grunt: This giant super soldier is Shepard’s son. She has a family, it’s Garrus and her adopted krogan son. Grunt is fascinating to me for his very understated character arc of going from a bloody-minded berserker, to... well, a berserker, but one who wants a REASON to fight, a purpose to live for. Being born in a tank and educated in visions, he has no real attachment to anything and he feels lost; Shepard gives him a purpose and its really good watching him grow.

Thane Krios: I just, I love this guy so much. He gives me big Nightcrawler vibes; A religiously devout and sincerely compassionate man. Him being an assassin doesn’t take it away for me, as the hanar don’t seem particularly cruel about employing him. (The hanar are chill.) HE’s genuinely got some of the most badass moments in the game, for how understated they are, and he evokes some of the biggest teary moments for me; dying from sickness, working to make the universe brighter in his last days. he was my first romance in mass effect, and I’m still brough to emotional compromise by the letter he wrote to Shepard as a last testimony. “I will wait for you by the sea.”

Jack: remember when I said ‘most of the humans in this game are kinda boring’? Jack is one of the big, BIG exceptions to that, though I have a hard time befriending her because I can’t be mean in this game. She’s a loud, rough, tough and fundamentally broken woman who is the biggest example of how horrifically evil Cerberus really is, having been kidnapped as a baby and experimented on her entire life; her turnaround into a protective teacher and reformed figure in 3 is genuinely an amazing change for her, given her life of violence.

Miranda Lawson: I will be straight forward; for the most part, I really DON’T like Miranda, and I don’t care for how popular she is in the fandom. She is the 2nd in command of Cerberus, and endorses it wholeheartedly for most of the 2nd game, and this makes her a human supremacist by default, so I automatically have a great loathing of that. Her constant excuses for the worst of Cerberus’ horrors is grating, though I like her more in the 3rd game, when she becomes a lot more responsible and less ‘humanity first’. (I also think her fanservice-y ness is really weird and at odds with her character, though i attribute it to Cerberus having weird uniforms.)

Legion: MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE SERIES, AND I AM NOT KIDDING AT ALL. Legion is absolutely the entire reason I got into this series at all; I am not even kidding. I prefer to call this robot buddy ‘they’, since they are literally a plurality of many small minds in unison; I’m not very happy with the 3rd game treating Legion becoming an individuality as personhood because they were already a person; different does not mean lesser, yknow. I love Legion for being one of the most moral and ethical people, in their own strange way, and reading between the lines, it paints the image of someone who greatly regrets the deaths of the war with the geth’s makers, while at the same time resenting the quarians a lot for what they did. I totally interpret Legion as an abused child at the hands of the quarians, hating their makers but at the same time longing to understand WHAT they did to make their creators stop loving them.

Zaeed Masani: He’s entertaining, for sure, though his moral ambiguity makes him... questionable, to say the least! His thoughts on revenge, hate and retribution really do speak to me, but he’s not in my list of favs. It says a lot that him being against torture is honestly surprising.

Samara: why isn’t SHE the fanservice icon of the series. But seriously, I love Samara lot; if I had a proper list of favorite characters in the series, she’d be at the top five, most likely. She’s a paladin-archetype, absolutely devoted to her code of honor while being willing to look beyond the letter, and willing to do what must be done; her story is deeply tragic, and she’s one of my favorite characters. Also, she’s an actual MILF; im surprised she’s not more popular.

Morinth: I’ve never actually played with her, because you have to murder Samara to get her, and FUCK THAT. But I do have some opinions on her as a character, and these are them: she’s a terrible person, and her reasons for being a mass murderer are insufficient. Let’s not beat around the bush here; she’s a sadistic serial killer, a sexual predator. and she relishes in the kill. Yeah, she’s like that because she is an ardat-yakshi, but its one thing for her to flee the monatstaries; its another for her to have such an astronmically high body count. she didn’t NEED to kill anyone, she just wanted to do it to make herself feel good, and I insist she absolutely deserved getting her head squashed like a melon.

Mordin: Mordin reminds me of me; I am not even kidding at all, I genuinely talk like he does. (I have the speed and lack of focus of Mordin, and the detached, straightforward speaking fashion of Rogal Dorn from Text To Speech.) He’s a really interesting look into the salarians, and similar to Wrex and Garrus, he’s largely critical of their broader practices. He’s also notable in having participated in updating the genophage, keeping the krogan trapped in their slow rot, and his character development from someone who fully endorses it, to someone willing to die to atone for his sins, is a really striking thing. His loyalty mission is deeply affecting, with the quiet moment in the hospital and the corpses of dead women who let themselves be experimented on just for the hope of curing what he did to them, fanatical krogan driven to madness by despair... because of what he allowed to keep happening. Mordin’s soft words hinting at his remorse and doubt genuinely get me teary eyed.

Jacob: I’m one of the few people to have actually said this, I think... but I actually LIKE Jacob. Specifically, I like him for a lot of reasons that other people don’t; he’s straightforward, honest, doesn’t let his feelings get in the way of his duties, stays on track and does his job. I like him more than Miranda as it’s made clear that he is NOT a supporter of it’s motives, and is largely making use of its resources to do things with expedience, and seems to be working as an internal affairs, chipping away at its corruption. (He loses points for being mean to Legion and Thane, though.)

#queued #twitchy!mass effect

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nyctolovian · 5 years

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Summary: Meet the parasite Vree

A/N: I was supposed to post this yesterday (i posted on ao3 yesterday) but um... welp, its like that sometimes.

Also, I just did a refining of the plot annd uhhhhh it just grew by like.... 6 chapters???? im??? so??? screwed??? I've never written anything this long seriously before and uhh ((im srs when i say this is a huge ass feat for me please support my sed writing ass))

Special thanks to @lunasloveliess and @oorubixoo for beta reading this :D This chapter was pretty difficult to write.

The walls of the quarantine room were pristinely white, and the room smelled clean. It wasn’t hospital-clean, or Galran-jail-clean. It was just neat, like a new untouched bedroom. There was a large glass pane that let Lance see into the room next to his. Below it was a speaker and microphone, so Lance assumed this was going to be the mode of communication he was going to use if the team wanted to speak to him while he was still in quarantine.

He wondered if he could ask Allura to turn on the air-conditioning. But there was no communication button anywhere so he probably couldn’t activate the communicator on the wall from the inside. He rolled over onto his other side, and onto the side of the bed that had yet to accumulate his body heat. He had dumped the blanket onto the floor because it was making him heat up way too quickly. But not before inspecting it and counting the number of flowers, petals and Altean bee-sparrow-rabbit hybrids (Sparabbees!) printed on it.

What? Was Lance bored? Oh, no, not particularly. Why would you say so? (Yes, he was dying of boredom.)

He’d been in here for god-knew-how-long with nothing to do. Immediately after his body checks in the cryopod, he was sent here to wait for the results. That was fair. Lance wouldn’t want a possibly rogue paladin running about the castle either. He also knew that the others would talk about this issue separately before coming to find him, although they did not mention a word of this. But it was probably a given.

He sighed. This was the second time he was locked up in a windowless room with absolutely no stimuli. This time, he had a bed though. And possibly someone else with him. But it made no difference if that someone refused to talk.

“Hey, you,” Lance said aloud. “I know you’re there.”

No response.

“Helloooo?” He groaned. “Seriously, there’s no use hiding. You already revealed yourself! And I know you can hear me, alright?”

No response still.

Lance groaned and flopped onto his back. “Stop pretending you aren’t there! You either start talking or get out of my body right this instant.”

I’m sorry… But I can’t. Get out, I mean.

Lance startled. The voice was finally talking to him! He tried to regain his composure. “W-Why not?”

I-I’m not really sure. Sorry. I’ve tried to but I seem to be… stuck. I-I don’t know why. Leaving my host’s body was never an issue but I seem to be locked in by your tissues. I’m sorry, the voice replied.

“Wait,” Lance said. “So you’re a thing? With, like, a physical body and stuff?”

Yes, I have a body.

He let out a sigh. “That’s… less frightening than some spirit thingy existing in my head or something.” It sounded… less druid.

I’m not the work of a druid. I assure you.

Lance bounced upright. “Okay. Wait. So you can read minds?”

Well… yes, I can read my host’s mind.

Lance sighed and scratched his head. “Okay, how can I know that you’re telling the truth that you aren’t druid? For all I know, you could be lying to me. ‘Cause it seems like this mind reading thing is pretty one-sided.”

There was a moment of silence before the voice said, T-true. I don’t have concrete proof, but do you recall the dream you had? While you were in the so-called healing pod?

That strange dream. “You were the alien in the jar? Everything was from your perspective, right?”

Yes. And everything you saw and felt is genuine.

“Oh, then are you…”

Yep. A very specific feeling was transmitted to Lance. If the voice could clear their throat, they would at this point. The name is Vrizerain. But most call me Vree.

“Oh. Uh… I-I’m Lance.”

They chuckled. I’m aware. But nice to meet you. Properly.

Lance rubbed the back of his head. Vree seemed kind of polite and nice. Lance didn’t get any bad vibes from them and, for some reason, he felt inclined to believe in them.

Maybe it was the fact that even though he couldn’t read Vree’s mind like they got to read his, he could still feel a slight bit of his emotion seep into his words.

It really felt like Vree was just as confused and worried as Lance was about the situation. And their apologies felt sincere. Every word was spoken with care, like they were tiptoeing in a nursery during naptime.

Or maybe it was the fact that he had seen the dream through Vree’s eyes.

The momentary comfort of seeing their friend, Frivirion; the visceral fear of watching the druids enter, which could only spell danger; the genuine agony of… it all, expecting the same fate to eventually befall them. Lance realised that they weren’t meant to be shared. The memory was so personal — the emotions so raw, it made Lance feel like an intruder.

With those emotions echoing in his chest, Lance decided, “I’ll trust you. For now.”

Lance wasn’t as bored as he was before, having someone to talk to for most of the remaining duration of his quarantine, but the door of the room next door opening was still a huge relief for him. He leapt off his bed and rushed to the glass pane in excitement.

In came everyone, all looking tense. They closed the door behind them. Their mouths moved, but Lance couldn’t hear a word. They talked to each other for a while longer before Allura gave Coran a nod. Then, Coran fiddled with the control panel in front of the window pane on their side. The speaker crackled for a while before falling somewhat silent, save for the added ambient sounds from the other room, but otherwise, everyone remained quiet. Lance stared at the team, waiting for someone to speak.

It took a while before the silence was broken.

“Hey, Lance,” Keith said. “Can you hear me?” He was the most calm in this situation. Somehow.

“H-Hey. Yeah. You’re clear.”

“We’ve got some results,” Pidge said as she flipped through the pages of her folder. Her voice was rather soft, like she didn’t know how to speak to him now. Honestly, Lance couldn’t blame her. “We ran some checks and there’s this worm-like parasite in stuck in your spine.”

Parasite?! Vree whined loudly in Lance’s head.

“Your tissues seemed to have healed over it in an unusual way… Probably because of the healing pod.”

Oh… That… would explain why I’m stuck like this.

Lance asked, “Is there a way to take the… well, parasite out?”

Lance! Not you too!

“Surgery, maybe,” Hunk said. “But it’s going to be, like, really difficult considering how it’s practically attached to your spinal cord. Removing it might cause spinal damage. I mean, none of us here are medical experts, so unless we’ve got a doctor, we don’t really know what to do.”

Lance winced.

“We will try to find a surgeon who can remove the parasite,” Allura said. “But… we shouldn’t get our hopes too high.”

Parasite again. Stop calling me that.

Bending down to Pidge’s height, Coran flipped through the folder in her hand. Pidge visibly cringed at the page that Coran, who swiftly took out the piece of paper, had stopped at. “Here is the thing, Number 3,” Coran explained as he pressed the paper against the glass pane for Lance to look at, “the creature living in your spine now looks like this.”

Lance leaned into the glass and squinted at the picture.

It was a grotesque black-and-white photo of a creature lodged between what looked like the bones and nerves of his spine. It looked like some kind of half-worm, half-spider thing.

Coran lifted the page off the glass slightly to point at the image of the parasite. “The creature is lodged between the disk of your vertebrae and entangled with some of your spinal nerves. It’s rather tricky, you see?”

That’s a whole lot of mess I’ve gotten into.

“You can say that again,” Lance said in response to both Coran and Vree.

“We will be running one more test for you. But for that, we will require Princess Allura to enter your room,” Shiro said.

Everyone on the other side was tensed up again.

“We’ll be on guard,” Keith said, lifting his bayard up for Lance to see. “Just, um, don’t transform or attack Allura or something, and we’ll be fine, I think. She’s just coming in to check on your quintessence stuff. It shouldn’t hurt…” He glanced to Allura for affirmation, and when she nodded, he looked back at Lance. “Can you do that?”

I suppose that’s fine…? If that’s really it, Vree said. Can we trust them?

Lance smiled. They wouldn’t lie to him. “Okay, yeah. Allura can do her thing. No problem.”

Allura was let into the quarantine room. Everyone else was deathly still. “Hey, princess,” Lance said with a tiny wave. He chuckled nervously. “W-will this hurt by the way?”

“It should not,” Allura assured him. She raised her palms towards him and wrapped them around the crown of his head. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Then, Lance and Allura began to glow a soft light.

Allura slowly opened her eyes and revealed her glowing purple irises. The light faded. “Your quintessence is still the same,” she said.

“So Lance is still Lance?” Hunk asked, his hands clenched in front of his chest.

“Yes. His soul has not been changed fundamentally.”

Everyone visibly relaxed with a sigh in unison.

“I could sense the quintessence of another creature in your back, as expected. And its quintessence is intricately entangled with yours. Like a bond of some sort,” she continued.

Like a telepathic one?

Allura yelped and leapt back.

“Princess!” Coran yelled.

Keith charged in, pushing Allura behind him, as Hunk and Pidge followed behind. Eyes determined, they brandished their bayards at Lance, who raised his arms in surrender.

Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Sorry.

“I’m half-convinced you’re doing these things on purpose,” Lance muttered bitterly.

“W-Wait,” Allura said, gently nudging Keith away. “Lance, have you established a telepathic bond with the parasite?”

For the last time, I’m not a parasite… Lance could almost sense a pout in Vree’s voice.

“Well, yeah. And Vree doesn’t really like you guys calling them a parasite,” Lance said.

I can talk through you, so anyone with direct skin contact with you can hear what I say.

“Skin contact lets him talk to others apparently,” Lance explained.

Tentatively, Allura placed a hand on Lance’s arm. “Like this?”

Yep! That’s right!

A frown creased Allura’s brow as she tried to process this new information. “H-How unusual,” she mumbled.

“Wait, Princess Allura, you can actually talk to the para— to the thing?” Shiro asked.

Allura nodded.

“That sounds kinda gross. Talking to some worm thing, I mean,” Pidge commented.

Before Vree could respond to that, Allura asked them, “Is speaking to multiple people possible?”

Um… Yeah, I think so.

Allura seized the closest person, Keith, and made him hold Lance by the hand. “Say something.”

Um, hello again.

Keith blinked several times, surprised. “H-hello? I guess?”

And, Lance, I’ve been meaning to ask this but what is this strange feeling in your chest whenever this—

“Vree! Alright! Okay! Um! Uhhh...” a red-faced Lance shouted to interrupt Vree. “Anyone else want to try out this whole new concept of speaking to aliens through direct contact?”

Eventually, after much talking and convincing, everyone was in direct contact with Lance, who was weirded out by the number of hands on his arms.

“You want to do a self-intro, Vree?” Lance asked.

I am Vrizerain from Regeunde. Most call me Vree.

“Wait. Did you say you are from Regeunde?” Coran exclaimed. “But we visited the planet right after we rescued Hunk and Lance, and there was… no one left there.”

The Regeunders… are extinct now. Or at least, they’re not on Regeunde anymore.

Coran sighed loudly.

My kind are the Immarin, and I assume you don’t know of us. The Regeunders never found out about us either. We attach ourselves to other species so we can blend in with the Regeunders.

“So what I, um, transformed into,” Lance said.

“But I thought Regeunders were small cats,” Keith said, turning to look at Coran.

Are they? Well, they’ve been gone for ten thousand years. We don’t really know what they look like anymore. I’m sorry.

“Evolution?” Hunk suggested. “A lot can change in ten thousand years. Especially if the Galra threaten the planet.”

Pidge nodded at the possibility. “Transformation is pretty useful if you are threatened. Essentially, Lance and this, um, Vree have a symbiotic relationship at the moment where the host, I assume, offers nutrients while the symbiont provides an alternative defense mechanism.”

That’s right. The amount of nutrients we can usually obtain outside of our host’s body is only enough for survival. We need a lot more if we aim to live longer and reproduce.

Lance paled. “Hold up—”

We clone outside of the host’s body, Lance.

“Okay, that’s a relief. You know, too many movies I’ve seen have these weird creatures being inside humans and bursting—”

“Lance,” Keith interrupted, “I beg you to stop. It’s kind of bad enough as it is right now.”

“Okie dokie. Yep. That’s probably a good idea.”

“How did you attach yourself to Lance?” Coran asked. “Surely not on Regeunde. They didn’t even get to reach that planet.”

“Long story short,” Lance replied, “Remember those cuts on my back? I landed on a pile of those, um, specimens, plus all the glass, and while I was like that, they kinda crawled in through the wound in my back.”

Pidge cringed. “Ugh, gross, gross, gross.”

“Well, it was only because of Vree that I could make it out of the ship. They helped me navigate through everything and stuff, apparently.”

“So what else can you do, uh, Vree?” Allura pressed.

I can read Lance’s mind. And I know that he’s currently thinking of this movie called Alien. Specifically the part where this man’s chest—

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Shiro said.

Sorry. That’s fair.

“You can read his mind,” Hunk said. “As in, everything he’s thinking?”

Um… Yeah. It’s to facilitate efficient communication between me and my host.

“That is…” Allura pursed her lips. “That is rather dangerous… isn’t it? For us. It would be terrible if our information were to be leaked out.”

“We need that surgery asap,” Hunk said. “I don’t trust that parasite.”

Lance felt Vree’s discomfort like a itch in his chest. Umm… Sorry but I- Well, I’m not a para—

“Look here,” Hunk yelled, glaring at Lance’s back. “As far as I’m concerned you’re invading my best friend’s body. You’re a parasite. And, now, you’re even invading his own private life! I don’t care what the purpose of your mind reading is, it’s personal. We all have things we want to keep personal.

“Hey, Hunk,” Lance said, shrugging as best as he could with all the hands on his arms. “It’s not that—”

Hunk’s eyes darted upwards. “Lance, we don’t know this Vree friend of yours. You shouldn’t be accepting this so quickly. For all we know, this Vree creature can be dangerous. Letting anyone into your brain and thoughts is never a good idea.” He huffed. “And I assume that puma thing I saw was you?”

Well, um, yes—

“And it wasn’t the lizard thing that killed the Galra either, was it? It was you, right?” Hunk continued. “That thing was dead after all. I bet you killed it too.”

You’re right agai—

“I knew it! I knew it, knew it, knew it! That thing has been bothering me from the beginning! Do you guys not understand the danger of this?!”

Pidge was the first to pick up on what Hunk meant. “Lance’s body was controlled without him knowing.”

A shudder ran through the rest of the team as Lance laughed nervously. “Hey, um…”

Vree tried to explain, I only have partial control over his body’s actions while in the transformed state. I can’t control a thing while he is, um, normal. And Lance was unconscious previously so I could control his body without a hitch.

“Yeah,” Lance agreed quickly. “And Keith probably saw today that I had control over my own actions as well! You know, it’s like one person is using the trackpad and one person is using the mouse on the same laptop at the same time.”

“Lance, you knew about this?!” Hunk breathed, outraged. “That thing used your body to… to kill all those Galra like that! Without you knowing a thing!”

“I-It can’t really be helped, right?” Lance smiled back in reassurance. “Besides, I was in mortal danger and stuff, so Vree actually saved me. Although I wished everything wasn’t done so brutall—”

Hunk cut him off. “Lance, this means there could be a next time when you are unconscious or sleeping or — I don’t know — and- and that thing can just use you to do whatever shady business it wants or even murder us! Do you understand that?”

I promise I won’t do that. I really don’t mean any harm, Vree pleaded. We, Immarins, as a species are generally—

Hunk groaned loudly and let go of Lance, refusing to hear another word from Vree. “As if we can just take your word for it. We’re not little kids. A pinky swear that you’ll do no harm isn’t going to convince us.”

Everyone was holding their breath. Their eyes were on Lance, as though pleading him to say something in response, because no one else knew what to say — even if they could muster the courage to speak up.

“Look, Hunk,” Lance’s voice was gentle. “Vree’s just trying their best.”

“I’m just trying to protect you, Lance,” Hunk replied, looking at Lance earnestly. “And this team. We can’t risk it.”

“I get it,” Lance replied, voice firm now. “We’re all worried, but Vree’s scared too. And it’ll be difficult from here on out if we’re all super defensive and stuff.”

“Lance, why do you trust it? What makes you think you can trust it?” Hunk shouted, punctuating his sentences with gestures. “Why aren’t you more wary?”

“H-hey,” Keith said, “Hunk.” He looked between the Red and Yellow Paladin, somewhat regretting speaking up. “I’m sure Lance has his reasons. Right?”

“Yeah.” Lance stood his ground. “I may not be able to read Vree’s mind, but I can feel their emotions. I know that they are genuinely concerned and sincere. And, right now, you are hurting them.”

“Those so-called emotions,” Hunk said, air-quoting, “can be some way to dupe you, Lance. Did you even learn anything after Nyma tricked you?”

Lance gasped softly.

“Do you want a repeat of that again? This time, it won’t just be your lion, Lance! You can’t trust this parasite!”

“But what else can I do but trust Vree?” Lance screamed. “Vree’s there and we can’t just get rid of them. Not unless I want to severely damage my spinal cord! You guys said it yourself! So all I can do is trust them and pray for the best. I’m scared too, okay? But what other choice do I have?”

Hunk’s eyes widened.

“Oh! Or you could just lock me in a cryopod for the rest of my life until we can take them out,” Lance said, sarcasm dripping from his words. “You know, that way I won’t have any thoughts for Vree to access, and there’s no way for them to do anything with my body. Would you like that instead?” His breath hitched as he realised what he had just said. “Oh. Oh no,” he breathed. “Oh god, Hunk. I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“No,” Hunk said, holding his hands up. “You’re not wrong.” He rubbed his eyes roughly with his palm and let out an exasperated groan. “I’m out. I’m out.”

“God. I’m sorry, Hunk,” Lance stuttered out in alarm. He pushed everyone aside and seized his best friend, who froze.

With bated breath, the world waited. Then, with gentle, warm hands, Hunk pried Lance’s fingers away from his arm. “Please just give me some space.” With that, he left, closing the door behind him lightly.

Everyone in the room stood still, not uttering a word. It was so unusual to see Hunk flare up like that, but it was even more unusual to see the two best friends yell at each other. It felt almost surreal to witness this. A bitter taste was left on everyone’s tongue.

But Lance had it worst. His chest was aching with guilt, and his head was hot with anger, both at everything, and at himself. His lungs were searing with the urge to yell, yet he felt that he had no right to raise his voice any further.

God. Why the hell did he have to yell and say things like that? Why did he have to be stuck with this wreck of a situation?

The first thing to break the heavy silence wasn’t even a noise.

I’m really sorry.

#klance #voltron #vld #lance #hunk #fanfic'#my writing #symbiosis au #conflict #angst #parasites #aliens #monsters #transformation

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honeylikewords · 5 years

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(P1) The pilgrim thing got me really disappointed!! Because they LITERALLY SAID!!! HE WAS GONNA BE FIGHTING A*T-RIGHT PEOPLE THIS SEASON!!!! I feel like this is a big let down to a lot of the people who were looking forward to frank, a character who is commonly misconstrued as an a*t-right figure himself to deny that once and for all, namely the fans who belong to minority groups (myself included) as well as the issue with the last I know they were doing it as a little easter egg by

(P2) recreating that one image from the comics but they could have put it in a better situation because a)those criminals were in fact rather young and the fact that the perfectly fit the "thug" stereotype is iffy at BEST. Because it also brings up something that was talked about in luke cage/defenders (a character I mcfrikken love) that black boys who are just trying to feed their family end up getting killed/beaten within an inch of their life meanwhile the white vigilante gets off free

(P3) (I know I'm writing a lot I apologize but m feeling heated ab thjs) because truly they looked roughly the same age as Amy. I will say I enjoyed his brotherly jokes with curtis (shout out to that man for dealing with his dumbass and not killing him for all the stress he causes him akdjsk) and the times he showed true care and softness (ie ACTUAL FRANK CHARACTERIZATION) towards amy. Im also iffy about the fact that he let a guy who peddles child porn go? S2 of dd he killed a dude doing that

Okay, first of all, don’t worry about apologizing, it’s TOTALLY fine to be heated about this. The media we consume is reflective of the thoughts and beliefs of the people creating it, and can influence the thoughts and beliefs of the people consuming it. As such, we SHOULD be heated about the content we see and create; it has impact and influence, and it matters that we call out issues when we see them, and remain intensely scrutinous of what we’re being shown. No need to be ashamed of that.

Second, I’m going to answer each point or comment made here in list format, just to try and keep things organized. Because it’d be really easy for me to spin out and start ranting, and I want to keep this cohesive and legible.

1) The letting Pilgrim live thing was just... so unimaginably stupid. They talked about him being a major antagonist and yet he played no important role in the series at all. From a functional, story-based level, the entire Pilgrim-Schultzes plot needed to be cut. It was convoluted, unnecessary, and wasteful, while also managing to be confusing and just flat out boring. Pilgrim wasn’t even an interesting character! He was just a waste of screentime! The two plots of Billy and Pilgrim were always fighting for attention, and it distracted from the linear progression of the show.

But on a more fundamental and moral level, it was also just... so, so bad to display him as an alt-r*ght neo-N*zi and just... let him live. As if he had an excuse. As if he was “equitable” to Frank because his weird little Christian fundamentalist wife died and he had two kids (off topic, but Lemuel is a horrible name). As if I was supposed to feel bad for him. As if I was supposed to sympathize with him, pity him. I don’t. And if I, a pacifist, soft-hearted, “forgiveness freely given” girl wouldn’t pity him, why on earth would a man like Frank?

It’s ridiculous. It’s shameful. Any piece of media that tries to “humanize” N*zis in a way where they are portrayed as sympathetic and “just people following orders” is disgusting. A N*zi chooses hate. A N*zi chooses bigotry. There is no mistake there, no human folly. That is choice and it is unforgivable. Pilgrim deserved to die, and that’s all I have to say about it.

2) I recognized that as a scene from the comics, an icon of Punisher-ing, but... You’re really, really right, and that’s something that worries me about Punisher and its fanbase. I’ve been stepping away from Punisher because I think it’s starting to cross the line into that territory; white vigilantism is, in many ways, a dangerous game to play, and when we start to romanticize white men with guns taking the law into their own hands and mowing down “thugs” (who, you are right to say, are usually just poor POC who are trying to make ends meet), we start walking a razor thin line.

Frank Castle in DD S2 was... different. This new Frank, this Punisher Frank? I don’t like him. And I don’t like what he stands for. Not anymore.

And I think the issue is that people like the idea of this big, bad white man with the guns calling all the shots, literal and metaphorical. And that scares me. Frank Castle is supposed to protect these infringed people, supposed to protect the downtrodden and oppressed. When he becomes a symbol and tool of that oppression, things get ugly, and things go wrong.

We can’t just excuse the inherent issues in something like Punisher just because we like Jon. I know I can’t. I have to ask these questions because they matter, and because it matters to me and to hundreds of thousands of other people who have to live with the fact that there is a chance that they could be shot down like that for no reason other than because someone decides their life doesn’t matter as much as, let’s say, a white one.

I know it sucks to bring politics into something we enjoy, but it also sucks that people have to deal with the real-life consequences of these issues. And it sucks that people see this show and idealize it, romanticize it, idolize the violence and the wickedness and the idea that they should be able to hold the scales of justice on their own and decide who matters based on their own personal whims.

The race discussion is very real with Punisher, and it’s a discussion we need to be having. We need to look at this critically and we need to see that, yes, there’s some very, very bad problems and some glaring issues. And we need to be honest about that, preferences all set aside.

3) Curtis Hoyle is a f*cking saint and deserves a break. He deserves it. (Also, what is going on with the show that they? Seemed to forget he has a prosthetic? He was leaping around and doing all manner of stunts as if he had both legs. Like... guys.)

4) Dad Frank was the only good thing about this season. Fight me.

5) The child p*rn thing upset me, too. I guess we’re supposed to infer that Frank is “growing” and not just killing whomever he pleases, and supposed to infer that he listens to Amy and wants to please her and not upset her, but... then he, like, murders anyone anytime anywhere after that. It seemed like they only showed the “growth” away from the urge to kill when it suited them, and it seems it only suited with regards to some of the lowest, most disgusting people ever.

Like, Frank takes the shot and kills Billy without even letting Billy say his final, dying words (which seemed to be an apology in the making?), but holds back from killing Pilgrim just because Pilgrim said “wait” and “I have sons”? Bullshit. Pilgrim and that child p*rn man should have died. End of discussion.

In the end, I guess I’d sum it up this way: Punisher season two lacks conviction. It wants to present the argument that things with Frank are complicated, but complicated just ends up coming across as nonsensical. Nothing about the show makes sense, there is no clear character development, every action is seemingly at random, and the plot is jumbled. The show can’t stick to anything without changing its mind, retconning itself into nothingness.

But worse yet are the implications of this jumbled mess; humanizing N*zis and white s*premacists, advocating the brutal violence of a white man with a gun as his own lawless lawmaker, and just a sort of devil-may-care attitude about what it means to be someone with power and exerting that over people who don’t stand a chance.

I have a lot of complaints, but I think, mostly, I’m just disappointed and sad. Frank deserves better than this. We deserve better than this.

We deserve heroes who will fight for what’s right. This Frank seemed to hardly know what on earth it was he was fighting for. And that makes me really, really frustrated.

(D/o/n’t r/e/b/lo/g, I don’t wanna get into any discourse, thnx)

#long post #messages #pettyprocrastination

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