and today in "why is fandom so antisemitic" just blocked two more followers in my sideblog, which makes it about 10 of what would have been almost 35 followers over a couple months. because the "all israelis are evil" bs is really big in mcyt circles.

also haven't watched the new season of hc because I don't want to touch the fandom anymore and enjoying things alone isn't as fun when you know there's a fandom. but also the fandom is full of people that wish I was dead so I dont want to be there either. which means right now the only things in my life are the jewish bloggers I follow (love yall) and doing daily challenges in microsoft solitaire. and university ig but it's the weekend and Im trying not to think about my homework rn

also gave up and made a "btw Im israeli plz stop following me if u want me dead" post on the sideblog. hope it works ig.

I've always been curious - what are your favorite ships?

under the cut bc its rambly and No One Cares about my old ass fandoms that were seasonal for most people but stuck with me for some reason and also to maybe avoid showing up in searches/tags for the rare person looking for Content

i guess the most Hardcore ive ever shipped is mcreyes (yes, overwatch i know), they consumed me with a rage that pretty much burned me out of fandom (tho i still ship it, i just literally never found anyone that sees them the same way i do - non-fanon compliant it is for me). along with them i also have somva and widowana and of course shimadacest, its just the Polycule living in my head [i guess i should point out i broke up w canon after the like first year of development ie after the great retconning so i neither know nor care whats happening there, these characters are basically (schrodinger's) ocs at this point]

the other fandom i am Too invested in is, tragically, dragon age, which i still sorta indulge in some Canon for (i apologize for whats likely going to happen to this blog once the next game comes out lmao). My ships there are mostly OC/canon, as the games sorta lead into. Anora/Zevran/Cousland (and cousland/loghain, and cousland/fergus...); Carver/Hawke/Isabela (/qp!Anders) [well and just some good old hawke/anders really], and Dorian/Trevelyan/Blackwall (/qp!Vivienne) are my mains.

dragon age leads to mass effect, where i fell head over for shakarian which i will fight for to my last breath i do not give a fuck. and also ashlaw wich i literally had to invent a shipname for cuz nobody else cares about it lmao (ashley and miranda if anyone even knows the franchise here lol)

i think more obvious is my love for star wars, i ship just the entire pentacule in the prequels/clone wars - obi/ani/padme/ahsoka/sabine. han/leia/luke(/lando?) for the og trilogy and reylo and finn/rose/poe in the new one (tho thanks to fandom im much less invested in finnpoe)

ive been in like a few fandoms that were wild and strong but didnt last - red dead where i shipped john/arthur/abigail; detroit become human where hannor ate my brains. pathfinder and divinity original sin which literally did not have a fandom, but i will tell you i very much ship my mains with amiri/octavia/regongar (in kingmaker) and camellia/daeran (in wotr);. in divinity Lohse/Sebille and Fane/Ifan are the other polycule plaguing me. oh and pillars of eternity with devil of caroc/maneha/PC tho i eventually ended up pairing up aloth w my pc in deadfire

real talk tho, the most recent thing close to an Obsession is fucking league of legends (yes i know) where its swain/darius/draven; yasuo/yone/taliyah; kayn/zed; and some good old lucian/senna. i mean you've seen the TF/Graves art this shouldnt be a surprise lol

and yeah in Arcane its silco/jinx/vi/vander

But mostly lately ive been merrily making DnD OCs and playing Rimworld which allows for amazing characters so it's kinda OC season i guess

oh and as an end to this rant which everyone gave up on reading im sure - i'll leave you with the fact that what got me into real fandom communities was itasasu (/saku and/or karin sometimes) and wincest (/jack) has been a latent interest even tho spn has never been high on my interests list so do with that what you will lol

.

I came on here just to make a little post apologising for being so quiet recently (I'm going through it with irl shit right now 😭) and then I also ended up thinking like.... actually its crazy how much longer I ended up staying on this blog than expected lmao!?

Like I never really intended to interact with sp fandom at all and I just made this as a place to collect fan art and maybe post a few doodles while my hyperfixation ran its course, and so I'd keep all the art I loved in one place in the future if I ever get back into sp. This is my second time in sp fandom and my obsessions do tend to cycle every few years, so it's very likely I'll lose interest but then come back again someday. And in part since I regretted losing all of the ancient art and posts from my first time in the fandom after I nuked my old deviantart eons ago...

But I was fully convinced my interest would pass in a couple of months at the most, and definitely not more than a year.. Which is wild to think it's been nearly two years now (I think omg ??)

I'm glad it turned out this way though because otherwise I wouldn't have met some good friends (especially dust who is like 90% of what keeps sucking me back into the show djbdndhss) even though I've regretted it a few times bc people in this fandom can be....... yeah.... I won't get into that lmao 🙃 it's not a nice environment let's leave it at that. But as long as I'm still having fun with my friends and in my little corner on this blog I'm still happy to stay around.

I don’t think I’ll be leaving fandom or anything yet (ik the tone of this post sounds a bit like that djksjds) but I'm gonna be going through a much more quiet period.... at least until all of the irl stuff blows over so I can get some more free time again 😭 if any of you notice me dissappear for a long time that's why

30 Questions Tag Game

Got tagged by @outcastcommander :DDDDD Thank!!!!!

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better. HI I’M ACTUALLY REALLY SHY SO I’M NOT DOING THAT LOL I’m just gonna say, if u wanna do Intro and see this, go for it, and also bonus if u r Friend, absolutely feel free and also say i tagged u bc Yes Friendship.

Name/nickname: Elaphae,  Ela is most common (and great!! i love it fjdklajs), some people on the swtor art server called me ‘inquis’ a couple times ljfdklas.  

Gender: Nonbinary :DDD

Star sign: Virgo-Libra cusp :3

Height: 5’4 WOOP i am Short

Birthday: September 21

Time: 12:48 pm >:3

Favorite bands: Green Day, Volbeat, The Longest Johns, Alestorm… a lot more.  I’m a nerd lol.

Favorite solo artists: uh h hhhhh  o-O  there are Many.  Aurelio Voltaire is pretty solid lol.  Good for the heart.  Also, I can’t listen to too much of his stuff bc it gives me a Crisis, but Bo Burnham.  Shit’s a Bop.

Song stuck in my head: The theme for the uruk-hai from lotr lol

Last movie: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Last show: fjdklasj i don’t watch tv lol, i can’t make my brain sit still for it.  Gotta be Interactive.

When did I create this blog: uh, shit, when WAS that?? WOW 2014.  3 more years and I’ll have spent a decade on tumblr.  Which is WILD.

What do I post: things that make me happy ;v;  mostly star wars and dragon age, and Assorted Random Shit i think jfdlkfjd.  I don’t actually know what  my blog makeup is but it Sure Is Something.

Last thing googled: ‘the song from lord of the rings when saruman shows off the uruk-hai’ lmfaoooo, i couldn’t remember the name of it so i went looking.

Other blogs: HOO BUDDY okiedoke:  @haospart (art blog), @swtorcompanionsgoofin (swtor blog), @lyriumdisaster (dragon age blog, which i’ll get back to once i’m done on the swtor end of this bioware pingpong table of interests, and then i’ll be hopping BACK to swtor bc it IS a pingpong table), i have studyblr that I Never Fuckin Use and have only posted on in the past 2 years to go ‘what the fuck why do u people keep following me’ bc I LITERALLY HAVE NOT TOUCHED IT IN LIKE 2 YEARS why does it keep gaining followers, and then a few like, ‘no don’t look me i’m Embarassed’ repositories jfdklsjaf.

Do I get asks: Very rarely, but yes!! Lmfao usually when i go ‘GIVE ASK PLS I LOVE ASK’ and people are reminded that i am, in fact, a very friendly marshmallow who does not mind interaction and also Definitely Craves people asking questions about my stuff fjdla.

Why I chose my url: This is kind of a convoluted thing, but like, the easy version is that it’s the name of my trooper on the leviathan server (now called Aea out of the game bc they were supposed to be my self-insert but then they escaped into the woods and developed a storyline for themself).  The LONG thing is that I have an oc named Regia Elaphae, who I modeled after pnigophobia, the fear of choking or being smothered, and I made her snake-themed.  Rex is the latin word for king--for king snakes--which i swapped to regina and then took out the n bc ‘Regina’ didn’t fit her, and Elaphe is the genus for rat snakes, but i found two ways of spelling it so i spelled it Elaphae, and when I got into swtor I decided to use Elaphae in reference to myself.  I replaced my old url with this one after i started playing that trooper of the same name, bc my old one was :I .  I was into hetalia in middle school, and homestuck, and when I got on tumblr that followed me into my url.  I’m not into hetalia anymore, or anime at all, and homestuck fell off my radar into the ‘i’ll go “hey i know that” if i see it, but i’m not in the fandom anymore’ pile.  For the longest time my blog description was ‘it’s been 5 years and i still haven’t changed my url’, but it was time for change fjdklasfaj.  It’s better this way.  

Following: 953 (it was over 1300 but i did some clearing out of my follow list a month or so ago lol, mostly of people who haven’t been online in 6 years)

Followers: 616

Average hours of sleep: 7 and a half hours, if i want to be Functional

Lucky number: 19 :D  I love 19, it’s always been my lucky number, always will be.

Instruments: I don’t play much, but I can sing and also I can play beladi on the doumbek.

What am I wearing:  Fox onesie lol.  I wear basically nothing else at this point in my life.

Dream job: i mean, ideally i could just Not and vibe fjdkla.  But i mean like, i guess something working with my hands.  I’m in college to get a degree in french, and my next step after that is to go to trade school, to get smth that’ll make me money so i can keep doing Nerd Junk and also learning bc i like, actually really like school lol.

Dream trip: I want to go back to Rennes.  I miss it.  It was awesome, and, hilariously, I miss being able to get a burger that isn’t Drowning in its own grease.  America doesn’t know how to do healthy burger that tastes good.  Europe knows what’s up tho. I also miss being able to like, have just a pitcher of room temperature water next to a cute little glass and have it not be weird.  The cups are too big in america, i drink so much less water bc it’s just too daunting.  I’m dehydrated constantly.  Also i miss the METRO.  I loved the metro, loved nyooming along in the trains, wandering around the central part of the city, it was cool.

Favorite food: Eel!!  Eel’s tasty as fuck.  I love it.

Nationality: American

Favorite song: o-o uhhhhhhhhhhh, i have no idea lol.  I listen to so much random shit.  lol according to my spotify 2020 rewind it’s Starlight Brigade, from TWRP and Dan Avidan.

Last book read: i have got ZERO clue what the last book i read was.  I mean, technically it was a textbook for my myth, magic, and folk religion class, but like, blegh.  Nah.  Not fun.  I think before that I started reading Metro 2033???  I have a copy in french, and am flipping between that and trying to fckn get through au revoir là-haut.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:  

1. swtorrrrrrr, i wanna be a space wizard [slap slap slap on the metaphorical counter] give me space magic

2. Pellinor, y’all it’s medieval and magic and COOL and i’m a big nerd for that.  (these books are so good ;v;)  Also they got wine that makes cramps and headaches go away and magic baths, so like, fuck yes give me that sweet sweet painkiller juice.  It’s magic babey.

3. Thedas, bc dragon age, and like, when things Aren’t all fucked sideways to hell, there are just like, People.  Going about their days.  It’s great.  Also MORE MAGIC  Science is all fucked up in my vicinity, so like, how much can i fuck up the magic o3o

tl;dr on that fictional universes thing, i really want to be a wizard apparently fjdklasj.

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s  escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy  щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

-

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

{{ Salty asks! 2, 6, 13 (for Zatanna), 11, 18, and 21? And 25 if you've got one you'd change the ending of!

2. (Answered!)

6. (Answered!)

13. Unpopular opinion about Zatanna?

While so many of Zatanna’s relationships are important, they are definitely not the beginning & ending of her character. She is so much more beyond someone’s passing love interest or to be used for a one-off Quick Magic Fix. if you’re going to include her, or any mystic character for that matter. flesh them out like a real goddamn person. and also maybe pick up a comic from her solo series while you’re at it and learn how to write her spells. I'm sick and fucking tired of people using the ‘full sentence backwards’ thing. its a word at a time.

ALSO while I'm here. YJ!Zatanna was the WORST fucking step BACKWARDS for her character and if you treat YJ canon like its canon for all DC, you’re going on my blocklist. i don't have time for that nonsense. Zatanna’s been established as at MINIMUM around/near Bruce’s age. She’s a part-time leaguer & celebrity. she was introduced as a Young Adult and she deserves to be treated As An Adult.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesnt? Why?

i mean i run a blog all about the dc ladies and theres so many that just...... don't have content. again, the most recent one i’ve parsed was black alice’s tag, which is near-devoid of anything except unedited comic panels and a few fics sprinkled throughout (mostly mine and tee’s afjkdlsa;f)

like. i get it especially for characters that aren’t on a lot of teams/aren’t in the general fandom consciousness/aren’t conventional heroes. i Get It. but..... its rough when i DO want content and there’s just.......... nearly nothing salvageable.

18. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

i mean, if it does i’m happy to stay in denial/be biased fkdals;fj. the thing i try to remind myself, when I'm writing fic/drawing art that i don't think will be very popular, is that I'm catering to a niche. a niche that, hopefully, will appreciate what i do and will jam with me about our shared interests.

if no one else is up to the task, I'm absolutely ready to provide some content to some lesser known/out-there pairings. if for no other reason than because i want to see some change and help diversify our fic prospects. 

its too easy to do the same thing over and over. its much more challenging to try something new and expand your horizons.

21. What are your thoughts on crackships?

i mean? what even qualifies as a crackship any more? bc 2012 fandom days it was Actually Wild/usually inappropriate shit. nowadays it seems to be more ‘omg, but they only interacted once/never!’ kinda things and that just.... doesn’t bode well with me either way?

like. i don't mind other people using the term ‘crackship’ usually. but when its applied to a pairing that you, personally, can’t see the chemistry in.... like. buddy, just get the hell outta the tag and keep ur opinions to yourself.

25. How would you end xxx?

How would I end Titans (2018)/Young Justice (2010)? by making sure they never got made in the first place fkdlfjals;fjdl;as;

other than those two uhhh, you’d have to be more specific. like for Zatanna’s solo run, i would’ve like to see more stuff diving into Zee’s cast n crew members (esp Mikey) and maybe a more solid story at the end, rather than the one-off issue that just.... kinda felt like it could've been placed anywhere. for DoD i would've liked to see more overt hints at the new night force maybe teaming up again in the future. but thats just bc i want more of the team ofc jkfdla;f

At the risk of being sappy and of always showcasing my special interests in a “look at how special they are” light (but at the same time they wouldn’t be my special interests if they weren’t special for me would they) but

f/fvii is such a comfort game for me. I kinda have forgotten about that. 

I mean i’ve been on and off with this game series since 2008? and everytime i come back i come back hard and it wasn’t planned.

And in no way ofc it lessens my others special interests it’s just.... yaknow. Old friends and such.

And there’s something especially in that, 2015, when the remake was announced  was kind of a eerie time. It’s the last year i had my life more or less sorted together, well it was before it seriously went downhill i mean, it was when i was in art school where i made a whole lot of progress there (sadly also when my skin condition on my hand deteriored too much for me to keep it going), and I was processing a lot my mental health especially thanks to Cloud. (won’t do anyone the reminder on the reasons why i love Cloud that much nor why he’s one, if not the character i relate the most to huh that hadn’t really changed with the years and what can i say i have a soft spot for my badly-dealing-with-trauma favs)

I had one of my best url at the time (those who remember ichaichalivinglegacy are the true ancient mvps) and the fandom, at least the corner i was into, was so lively, there was always such a nice ambiance on my dash and i kinda miss talking to the people i used to talk to then

With the artschool it’s when i did the most progress in art and i think f/fvii, or well, at least Cloud must be one of my most drawn characters in my notebooks from back then ahah. And there was this thing that made me laugh that since my english classes in art school were... far, far bellow my level, to the point class was a torture, my teacher just let me do whatever i wanted as long as i was quiet, so it was “playing crisis core” time for me (which was anyway even more of a plus since it was in English so my teacher was eagger in letting me do). 

I also had enough saving that i had bought some merch from it too and tbh that’s something i neglected with time but there’s something so comforting in just coming back and putting on a necklace from your special interest and hold it when you feel unwell. 

It’s also the little things like how it’s in 2015 that i started to pick the habit to put very big ribbons in my hair when i was tying them up as a reminder of A.erith, this sort of things. And it’s the sort of little self care things that makes a special interest this special yaknow?the things that somehow becomes habit you carry on even when the interest faded.

I guess in a way i’m just nostalgic of an era where I had a little more control over my life despite all odds and where i made significant progress in my interests, even if health didn’t let me carry it on. 

(also fandom was much chillier back then, at least there. tbh the even reason I feel comfortable talking this loudly about f/fvii back on my blog is kinda unreal to me bc I was starting to get much more quiet bc “fandom culture” lately is... so vile. perhaps it’s seeing the d/a fandom tearing each other to shred, or just seeing the remains of others big fandoms that destroyed themselves with d/iscourses regardless of the quality of the original media, liking things became no fun. How wild is that that it became my outlook right? And I think perhaps, f/fvii was one of the last time i genuinely found it fun to be in a fandom (along with h/x/h although this one had its weighs))

i don’t know where i’m going with that post i guess i’m just. Rambling, remembering stuff. 

Genuinely coming back to the game and having fun with it and learning to love those characters again is just making me happy at least. That’s a good feeling to have.

and maybe seeing my disaster of a son being forced in a recovery path even despite the relapse may help me deal wiith my relapses a bit more. Or it will make me want to “pull a Cloud, forget everything, pull a new identity and pray it doesn’t blow up in your face” but it’s not like i will follow on this very attractive idea. 

anyway that’s always funny when i make this sort of posts to explain why the thing i’m into lately is ~so special~ for me and then like two weeks later i’m into something else that is ~so special~ for me and this is ridiculous but hey those are my feelings, and their backbones of a chocolate eclair I guess. 

But it’s nice. It’s soothing. 

I kinda needed that at the moment.

RantOver o/ 

A teeny bit of Marvel fandom wank.

It’s really wild to see discourse starting to pop up in the St*ny ship community that is saying there’s a lot of Steve bashing happening in fics and art when like...there’s really......not...................... It reminds me a lot of when a woman talks for like 5 seconds and guys feel like they’re getting talked over? Like a woman hasn’t spoken that much but because it takes away some of their time they think it’s a lot? Cause the amount of Tony bashing is SO MUCH HIGHER lmfao like Steve bashing St*ny fics are really rare in comparison, so it’s funny to see “discourse” stating that “popular opinion is that Steve was wrong in CW” which isn’t really true (re: dozens of articles, the way the movie framed Steve in general, fan reactions) and is even less true in the ship community. It’s just that MORE people than usual agreed with Tony post-CW. It’s not rampant Steve hatred lmfao? Also saying what he did was wrong in CW, which HAS happened in St*ny fics a fair amount, isn’t bashing and usually is very kind to Steve?? There’s so much whining now from Team C*p St*ny shippers because they’ve received like one negative comment and I’m just AHAISHASHIAHSIJASDNJADNA at them literally saying “IMAGINE IF THE REVERSE WAS TRUE AND THERE WAS A LOT OF TONY HATE” because ????? THERE IS LMAO THERE LITERALLY IS!?!?!?!?? There was a time post-CW where you couldn’t read a St*ny fic without it turning into “Steve leaves Tony for Bucky bc Bucky is better” or “Tony is evil” or “Steve is cheating on Tony bc he’s scared to leave him but doesn’t love Tony’s controlling ass” likkkkkKKKEEEE ARE YOU GOOD???? There are only 107 “Not Steve Friendly” St*ny fics on AO3, most of which are PAST RELATIONSHIP or UNREQUITED LOVE, out of 23, 000!!!! Also at least 20 of them are actually tagged as “Team Cap Friendly” and AO3s search function just sucks. The amount of “Fix Its” that are Tony apologizing to Steve and crawling back to him, referring to himself as an egomaniac, etc. is significantly higher (around 600). Because all the movies frame Steve as being right - even IW did that despite being more balanced (finally) than the other movies. God I just can’t imagine having my head so far up my own ass that I’d ever say the majority of St*ny shippers are Tony fans over Steve fans and thinking the Steve hate is so rampant on tumblr that it requires a whole positivity event to wipe it away. My block list for Tony hate blogs is literally over a thousand people. I also block people who hate on Steve in the same vitrolic way...and there’s literally under 100 blogs. Like...can these people...not tell the difference between a critique and hate or like.......??????? Also people being like “IT’S NOT LIKE STEVE CHEATED ON HIM OR ANYTHING” what do you call symbolically smashing a person’s heart and abandoning them for another person lol.... Like I enjoy this ship but this discourse is wild af.

nathanmillers’ 2k celebration - blog recs pt1

Im gonna do this in two parts. This one is for some of the amazing friends I’ve made on this site within the past year. Part 2 will be some pretty awesome blogs you should check out.

@as-inevitable-as-morning - Mainly a The 100 blog - Kelsey is so, so, sweet. She’s so lovely and her blog has such an aesthetic to me. Honestly give her a follow. Your dash will be graced.

@azgedanqueenecho - Multi blog - Johann is the true Meme Queen. She also started making gif sets and im so proud. Check those out here

@bellameblake - Multi blog - Amyba is my better half. That’s all you need to know besides her incredibly beautiful edits (The 100, Teen Wolf, Arrow, etc.) that can be found here

@bellamybb - The 100 blog - Kath is honestly one of the kindest & funniest people in the world. She makes the most iconic and aesthetic edits i’ve ever seen. You can check those out here

@bellamyblakebby - Mainly a The 100 blog - Aryana is hilarious. She literally kills me. She makes the funniest text posts. Honestly just check her out, you wont regret it

@bellamyblakesfreckles - Mainly a The 100 blog - Jess is probably one of my favorite people of all time. We have the same taste in shows, books, video games you name it. We are twins (dont come for me Hannagh) Check out the amazing gifsets my sin sister has made here

@bellsclarkey - The 100 blog - Paula is the first friend I made on Tumblr. She’s probably the reason why I had the confidence to message all of these other amazing people on this list. She writes beautiful poetry that you can read here

@bobmorlee - Multi blog - Ah Brooketh. Sweet, sweet Brooketh. My Ride or Die. My other half. Our souls must have split and found new bodies bc we are the same person. Talking to you was one of the best choices I’ve ever made. Check out the amazing edits my Queen makes here

@clarkegryphus - Molly is my tol son and she must be protected at all costs. Molly is one of the sweetest, kindest gals you could ever met. Think of Amy Santiago’s child and you get Molly. Please give her blog a gander. She writes the occasional fic (after hounding from me) & has been known to make edits for celebrations and what have yous. You can check that out here

@flawlessbanshee - Multi blog - Hannagh is honestly one of the best people in the whole wide world and I can say that honestly. She is so funny and smart and caring and an AMAZING writer AND gif maker (yes you are Gheorge dont say otherwise). Check out Hannagh’s things here

@followinglilies aka @linctavias - The 100 blog - Ella is the physical embodiment of a ray of sunshine. She is so freaking amazing its unreal. She never fails at putting a smile on my face. Check our her amazing gifs here & her hiatus thoughts here

@frecklessbellamy - Multi blog - Elly is a freakin pixie. Looks, attitude and all. She is so adorable I honestly cant handle it. If you’re looking for an amazing blog to follow you’ve found one here

@ileftherbehind - The 100 blog - Tess is so so funny. Every time we talk it always puts me in a better mood. (plz be on tumblr more i miss you) Check out all her written works here

@jimhcpper aka @commander-anya - The 100 blog - Maru is the most dedicated, kind, caring individual. She cares for her friends so, so much it makes my heart full. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on she’s there for you. You can check out her beautiful edits here

@lordbellamy - Multi blog - Audrey is such a lovely flower petal. She makes me laugh & scream & go crazy over our mutual love of all things Bellamy Blake. Audrey is so sweet and go check out all her beautiful works here

@malecbellarke - Multi blog - Jeff is honestly the kindest person in the fandom. He’s written some amazing stuff which i totally recommend you checking out.  One of my favorites that he just wrote is found here

@montygreen - Multi blog - Leila is such a dedicated and lovely little bean. Shes so creative its insane. If you haven’t seen her blog which i doubt go check her out and her edits here

@niylah - Multi blog - Ine is a freaking peach. If you ever want a friend who’s super caring and sweet and funny and against cheese fries, talk to this one. She draws some super fucking amazing stuff that can be found here

@pansexuallbellamy - The 100 blog - Gracie i wish you’d stay on tumblr for more than a day lol. No she’s honestly so fun, sweet and creative. We met during the 100 leak s5 twitter accounts and it was a wild ride. Check out her beautiful works here

@pillowprincesslexa - The 100/Alycia blog - That also basically sums up Kim lol. If you havent heard of Kim yet she’s the leader of the Lexamy brotp club. All come and bask in the glory of her beautiful model face. Check out her amazing art work here

@prettyparkerr - Marvel blog - Eliza is my sister. Thats all you need to know. Follow her. Fear her. Love her. Check out here edits here

@puckconnolly - Multi blog - Kate is my clone. Or am I her clone? We dont know. But she’s everything i am. Hilarious, kind, brilliant, creative. What more do you need? Check out her creations here

@ren-kylo - Mostly Star Wars - Anci is my beautiful petty queen and i couldn’t ask for a better friend. She’s as crazy, wild, salty, and creative as I am if not more so. We’re gonna start an airplane company soon so be on the lookout for that. Check out her SW edits here & her Marvel edits here

@serendipia-s aka @nerdiestblake - Multi blog - Scarlet is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. She’s so funny and talented and I think on the first people I ever started talking to. See all of her amazingness here

@softkarolinadean - Multi blog - Megan is so funny & most of our relationship happens through asks at 3am my time. So its true best friend-ish. Please check out all of her works here

@jolomez aka @stilinskikissme - Multi blog - Jenna has been on Tumblr longer than I’ve been alive. We’re the same age but yk If you havent heard of her you must be living under a rock. She always puts a smile on my face & I am so freaking honored to be her friend. Check out all things Jenna here

@tchallasofwakanda - Multi blog - Jenny is one of the most dedicated, smart, and creative people I’ve ever known. If you’re ever in a jam she’s always there to help out. Check out Jenny’s edits here 

@theblakes - Multi blog - Sydney deleted her blog so if you used to follow her please find her again. She is one of the sweetest peas you’ll ever see. She deserves all the love. Syd’s been known to make a few edits so make sure to follow to see!

@tracylorde - Multi blog - Kat is probably one of the kindest human beings you’ll ever meet. She’s always there for her friends and such an awesome person to talk to. Kat’s such an amazing talented writer and I suggest you read all the things here

hello! I'm really glad to find your blog because it helps me a lot to get through many things for my future project! I also wanna know if you maybe can help me, bcs the world of my project is just like our own Earth, but there are monsters and people who can control elements like air, fire, etc. I'm still confused on how to make the world seems realistic and relatable to the readers, I wonder if you can help me? and I'm not a native English speaker, sorry if there is any mistake. thank you!

Hello, love!  Your English is great 👍  And thank you for following!

That sounds like a really cool universe :)  I strongly relate to your struggle with relatability – I tend to make my worlds complex and a bit inaccessible to readers.  And that’s the kind of problem that, when you look at it as a whole, feels pretty overwhelming.  That’s why I break it down into three different areas…

The Three C’s of Relatable Stories

In general, there are three big parts of your story that you’ll need your characters to understand and, on some level, relate to.  While your fictional universe should be unique and different from our real world – especially the more removed it is from real-life science and society – there should be a few common threads that your readers can see and think, “Oh, that’s just like real life!”  Examine your story in the following three areas:

1. Culture

This is the topic I’ll discuss most, so I put it first.  Your story’s culture is, for some readers (including myself), one of the most immersive and exciting aspects of your fictional universe.  Everything that creates your society – architecture, art, history, education, food, fashion, sports, politics, religion, medicine, community, major moral beliefs and conflicts – will shape how your readers experience your story.  Interesting fictional culture also promotes fanfiction, cosplay, and strong fandom ties that enable you to write sequels/spin-offs (J.K. Rowling is living off how strong her fictional culture was).

Because we want our cultures to be so unique and entertaining, though, many writers make the mistake of creating cultures too exotic or fantastical to reach readers.  But there are certain “human” parts of culture that reappear no matter what universe you’re in, so make sure your story has at least a few of the following:

Games.  Even wild animals, who have nothing to do with our society, play games with each other in real life – so unless fun and games are strictly outlawed in your universe, you should probably have some.  Games aren’t necessarily going to mirror ours; after all, we have board games, card games, video games, arcade games, sports games, drinking games, and games that don’t require supplies (guessing games, tag, hide-and-seek, charades, I-Spy etc.).  Different games are more appropriate for different ages – some are associated with certain genders, certain events, or certain environments.  Develop some of your own games, and maybe use some that mimic real games (with different names, of course).

Food.  Food isn’t just something we eat – it’s a culture.  Food culture = answering questions like:

Where do people of [lower/middle/upper] classes eat?

What sort of events are tied to food? (e.g. Thanksgiving, harvest festivals, etc.)

Are there special foods or meals for special occasions?

What do children eat in schools?

How difficult is it to get organic ingredients?

What is weight culture like?  In other words, are people viewed as more healthy when they eat more/less?  What figure is considered normal or attractive?  Do people diet?

Sports.  No matter where you live on planet earth, there’s generally some kind of sports culture – some sports are more dominant in some places than others (think about the U.S.’s relationship to soccer vs. everywhere else).  Some cultures use sports as a social activity for their kids, while others cultivate serious sports practice from childhood.  Certain sports are environmentally more relevant to certain places (which is why Canadians are so damn good at the winter Olympics).  Some sports are more violent than others – and each one has certain values: strength, speed, stamina, reflexes, agility, artistry, precision, rhythm, teamwork, or strategy.  Assess your fictional region’s values and develop sports culture that mirror said values.

Politics.  Every type of government comes with its own benefits, challenges, and conflicts.  Issues of allocating funds, handling corruption, checks and balances, legal rulings, outdated laws, controversial leaders, foreign relations, taxes, inequality, nature conservation, church vs. state, overpopulation – many of these problems will likely exist in your universe, in some form or another.  Pick and choose what political conflicts you’ll share with readers, and think about how they relate to and reflect in your fictional society.

Theology.  Decide on the majority worldview/s (theism, deism, naturalism, nihilism, pantheism, new age, post-modernism, etc. – although these worldviews shouldn’t be mentioned by name in your work) of your universe.  Read about these worldviews and how they shape society’s morals, legal system, government, interpersonal relationships, parenting, and environmentalism.  Create characters who align with the majority, and characters who contrast with the majority – thus creating conflicts that are very familiar to us.  This doesn’t mean your story has to become a religious or political commentary, of course!  But these belief systems have effects on every aspect of life, including life-or-death situations, romantic entanglements, and day-to-day affairs like work, money, and school.

2. Characters

Arguably the most important aspect of relatability, your characters are the driving force of empathy and comfort for your readers.  Although your characters will have some level of difference from real people (especially if your genre is fantasy/supernatural), there are a few common things that your characters should more than likely have:

Desires.  Everyone everywhere has desires, both attainable and unattainable, that drive them through every action.  There are large-scale desires – dream colleges, dream jobs, dream power, dream relationships – and small-scale desires – to help someone through a hard time, to make money, to eat right, to be a patient person – and even unknown desires – answers, fulfillment, guidance, the “right thing”, passion – all of which will exist in each character simultaneously.  Decide what your character wants, and you’ve already got multiple platforms for relatability.

Weaknesses.  Where there are desires, there are weaknesses that get in the way of those desires – and that’s usually the best way to find them.  What gets in the way of what they want?  Look at the Seven Deadly Sins; look at your own flaws, and the flaws that annoy you the most in others, and the flaws you don’t mind in others.  If your character, for example, wants to become famous on Broadway… what makes it a challenge?  Does she have social anxiety?  Is she impatient?  Does she struggle with her responsibilities?  Does she struggle with internalized discrimination?  What makes her dream personally, circumstantially, or socially unattainable?

Self-image.  So they’ve got their desires, and the weaknesses that keep them from those desires, so the real question is: how do they see themselves?  Do they focus on their failures or their successes?  Do they see their dreams as attainable or impossible?  Do they make steps to better themselves or do they feel comfortable with who they are now?  Do they absorb other people’s opinions of them, or reject those opinions?  Self-image is almost more relevant to a character’s story than their actual image, because this directs a lot of how they behave, how they struggle, and most importantly, how they narrate their own story.

Sins.  Bad habits, conscious choices, past sins – the sins they don’t even know are sins – these things are the ultimate stuff of relatability.  When someone reads your book and sees a character who shares their struggles, they won’t put the book down.  Don’t be afraid to let your character do bad things.  Don’t try to make them lovable angelic cinnamon rolls who do no harm.  Let them do things that make your readers cringe because damn it, she’s yelling at the people she loves again – stop pushing them away!  This will keep readers involved and allow them to feel your character’s failures as if they were their own.

Humor.  Everybody’s got a sense of humor – even those dumbass middle school boys who joke about sexual experiences they’ve never had.  Everyone has their own type of humor based on the kind of people they live with and the TV shows they watch and the experiences they’ve had.  Writing humor, however, can feel less natural – because there’s this pressure to make everybody laugh.  Don’t worry about that.  Just give your characters their own senses of humor, and someone will find it relatable.

Love.  Even villains have love to give.  Every person, and therefore every character – from every background and every trauma and every bad relationship and bad childhood – has love in their heart, as cheesy as that sounds.  They have love they want to give to people (sometimes a particular person) and love they want to receive, and different methods of expressing their love (see: The Five Love Languages) to others.  They have love for themselves, too, and conditions on which they’ll treat themselves with love.  Determine their potential for loving themselves, for loving others – both platonically and romantically – and for unconditional love.  Then allow this to grow over the course of the story, and you’ll have a character arc everyone can appreciate.

3. Conflict

Here is a post I’ve written discussing 4/5 of the main types of conflict, which are:

Man vs. Man

Man vs. Nature

Man vs. Society

Man vs. Self

Man vs. Technology/Supernatural

The reason these categories of conflict are so popular is because they’re the same conflicts we face in day-to-day life.  The fight over territory with your roommate = Man vs. Man.  Trying to find your car in the rain = Man vs. Nature.  Making the same New Year’s resolution for the third year in a row = Man vs. Self.  So identify these conflicts in your story, both large-scale and small-scale.  Both are important, but the personal conflicts – the ones that most affect your characters, like their resolutions or their roommate, or the killer beast that’s trying to eat them or the A.I. that’s taken control of their spaceship – will give your story stakes that, on their basest level, your readers will understand.

That’s my only real advice for you, since this is something I also struggle to manage – but I hope some of this makes sense for you and your story.  If you have any further questions, hit me up and I’ll try to get back to you way sooner.  Good luck!

If you need advice on general writing or fanfiction, you should maybe ask me!

i am tired

[tw suicide mention]

i am fucking tired. i am tired of trying to look cutesy and polite and 100% unproblematic. i am FUCKING TIRED of getting anxiety attacks daily because of my note and follower count, i am FUCKING TIRED of dealing with assholes and being tricked into triggering subjects. of not being able to vent. of hiding my explosive personality and smiling for shitty people, of pretending i’m 100% okay with my fandoms and enabling other people’s shitstorms. 

i made this fucking blog bc i didn’t want fandom to be mixed up with my inspiration blog and because i felt lucky after my 1300 notes reylo piece. i was just that, lucky, i won’t get another 1000 notes post anytime soon. my artstyle is weird, i’m not a virtuose or ‘able to draw realistically’ [most of time] but fook, but FOOK, i am a nasty person. i like nasty things and my ideas are nasty. most people aren’t into this shit i like. this will not change. and i won’t go for realism everytime just to get notes, bc sometimes the piece just DOESN’T need realism to be a complete piece on its own.

i tried since that godforsaken month of december to fit in and be another one of the cool girls. but i’m not cool, and i’m not even a girl. i am a nasty bastard that loves kylo ren more than he loves literally anything in the world, and loves drawing him on ways that aren’t aesthetically pleasing most of time. also i commit the sin of being a multishipper on this shitty fandom full of shitty ship wars, so most strict reylos/strict kyluxers won’t follow me and i’m certain at least 3 BNF kyluxers had me blocked BC I LIKE SEEING KYLO BANGING THE GURL INSTEAD OF THE BOY SOMETIMES. DAMN IT. 

i am not a smiley face you don’t even know the gender that serves you with smiley pictures of kylo ren kissing people and gifs of adam’s cute mug. i am a real person with real struggles, that is FUKKIN TIRED of doing things he dislikes to pretend to be someone he’s not and please people he despises. 

they said ‘create a kylux blog separate from the reylo blog’. i won’t. BEING A REYLO IS NOT A FUCKING CRIME FOR GOD’S SAKE. and all my reylo is tagged, all my kylux is tagged as well, if you dislike one of them you just won’t see it on your dash. i don’t care about the follower count anymore, i fucking don’t, those who unfollow me are not my friends and they will never be, if they can’t handle my true self they don’t deserve to be here. shit, since i joined this fandom i became suicidal more times than i can count, yesterday i even sat at my balcony and put my feet off it, because i felt like it was WRONG being the way i am. being rude, hysterical, intense, hopelessly in love and 200% horny all the time. ‘too emotional to be on the internet’, ‘wallowing in self pity’, ‘ungrateful’. i felt like high school all over again, the pretty faces being popular and loved and peeps making AU’s of their art and fic and the weirdos left to rot somewhere else, away from the smiling faces, just getting ‘ew’ looks sometimes. i am fucking 24 years old, 25 this year. i’m TOO FOOKIN OLD FOR HIGH SCHOOL SHIT. 

that being said, i’ll keep posting my art in here. i will keep updating ciarán’s too. maybe i will reblog less stuff bc it’s gotten to a point where i reblog so much shit just to keep the queue running, i don’t even remember what i just reblogged. this is not how i want to keep a blog. this is not how i want to treat kylo’s precious long face, as some kind of product that needs to be always plentiful on a supermarket shelf. he is the man of my life, not some kind of decorative product just sitting there to please the bored eyes of people who already saw the same fucking Cannes photoshoot 25 times in a row in their dashboards.

for those who stay, i swear it’s gonna be a good, yet wild, ride.