#and fandom attention scares me now. half a year ago I worked nonstop to get any amount of positive attention in the fandom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

themidnightpanda · 2 months

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and today in "why is fandom so antisemitic" just blocked two more followers in my sideblog, which makes it about 10 of what would have been almost 35 followers over a couple months. because the "all israelis are evil" bs is really big in mcyt circles.

also haven't watched the new season of hc because I don't want to touch the fandom anymore and enjoying things alone isn't as fun when you know there's a fandom. but also the fandom is full of people that wish I was dead so I dont want to be there either. which means right now the only things in my life are the jewish bloggers I follow (love yall) and doing daily challenges in microsoft solitaire. and university ig but it's the weekend and Im trying not to think about my homework rn

also gave up and made a "btw Im israeli plz stop following me if u want me dead" post on the sideblog. hope it works ig.

#its also wild bc I do fandom art on that blog and people love it #even my dad thought it was awesome enough to commission me for his own work stuff once! thats awesome #I got paid for the art I did for him with a merch hoodie from the fandom #and I love it and I love the art I did and I love the original content its based on.#but I cant even watch the new season without thinking about how I want to liveblog but cant because liveblogging attracts attention #and fandom attention scares me now. half a year ago I worked nonstop to get any amount of positive attention in the fandom #I stopped family dinners to watch new episodes and liveblog half an hour after the sessions were out to get people to see my posts #and now. I want none of that #a month or so ago I joined the community discord. the people were so nice to me #and then I went to the vent channel. bc someone mentioned there's i/p stuff in there. its all anti-israel #to the point I felt uncomfortable staying there despite never saying a word about where I'm from beforehand. almost felt unsafe to be there #just... that fandom prides itself on trying so hard to be wholesome and safe after the dsmp fandom ended up so toxic #and here they are wishing I was never born #because I never would have been born if not for this country. my grandparents on my dads side met in the resistance against the british #my parents met at uni. they never wouldve met if not for this country #I wouldnt be alive if not for this country and while I dont like the government I love this country so much #Im just so sad #ישראבלר

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