PART TWO

Its 2am have more scar headcannons/imagines

Characters: Razor(platonic), Kaeya, Xiao, Tighnari

Sorry these are probs subpar cuz my writing style varies depending on the bpd mood lmao. Bear with the redundancy of these, there are only so many ways to write the same action.

If youre the anon who sent me an ask im replying to your ask with the inverse you talked about. Stay tuned <3 (its probably gonna take another 6 months but welp)

Not spell checked or proof read sorry lol

Razor (platonic)

Wolf boy has a lot of scars as we can all tell. I feel like he probably doesnt get the point of lotion. Probably says it smells bad, like chemicals. His scars are all really improperly healed. Probably has keloid scars (overproduction of scar tissue). The sheer size of the ones on his arms lead me to believe he never got stitches or bandages of any sort, which makes sense considering his story. Regardless, that shit looks painful lmao. (Lighthearted imagine to start us off)

“Razor!” You yell, damn that kid was way faster than you. You nearly trip over a log as you run after him.

“Razor, stop running dammit.” You continue to shout after him, hoping anything you say might just make him slow down. Lord knows you could never catch up to him.

“It's just lotion. It'll make you feel better!” Your lungs start to sting from the chase and your legs drag behind you. You stop to catch your breath and Razor slows down in front of you.

He approaches you slowly like he's afraid you’ll catch him if he gets too close. “Smells bad,” he says and you all but roll your eyes.

“Sometimes things that are good for us smell bad.” You explain. Razor waits for your breathing to even out before he gets within arms reach of you.

“Like soap?” He says and you laugh at the memory of trying to get him to wash himself with soap instead of the occasional dip in the river.

“Yes, like soap.” You sigh and he frowns. Tentatively he holds out his arm, he looks at you expectantly.

“Finally.” You say under your breath and open the bottle of lotion. You can practically feel Razor's eyes watch your hands cautiously. He doesn't move as you spread some against the skin of his arm.

“Cold.” He comments and you huff a little laugh.

“See.” You say when you finish. “Feels better right?”

Razor finally relaxes and smiles at you. “Yes.”

You're just glad he stopped running.

Kaeya

Not gonna go the obvious way and say his eyepatch because I'm different lmao. I think his knuckles are scarred. I think kaeya seems like the type to cope with his feelings through violence. I think kaeya probably hates himself. When everything gets to be too much he just starts coming out swinging. The kind of person who punches a wall without really thinking about it. But yeah I think he used his fists too much when he was younger and now he wears the fingerless gloves to protect/cover the scars. (Sorry if this is weird or seems ooc, it just makes sense to me idk why)

You first see them when he gets the new outfit in sumeru. Everyone around you seems to disregard them, or maybe just not notice. But you can sense the way he subtly hides the scars, the way he walks with a hand behind his back, one covering the other. Its easy to not notice if you arent always watching closely. Maybe the only reason you noticed was because you seemed to always be staring at him. Kaeya catches you looking more than once and in typical kaeya fashion he deflects with flirting or jokes.

Later, when youve returned home to mondstat you ask him about it and he explains after some persistence.

“Its nothing to be shameful of.” You murmur, a hand holding his, looking at the dry scar tissue.

“Its one thing to have scars from braving a battle, a complete other thing to have them from your own stupidity.” He looks away from you and the eye you can see seems far away. Like he’s recalling something from his past.

“But it wasnt stupid, it was a way to cope. How can anyone think of something like that as not brave?” He doesnt answer you, only frowns slightly, a face youve never seen him make. “Do you atleast take care of them?”

He still doesnt respond. You sigh, exasperated, and pull out your endless bag of goods to find a lotion to help with the dryness.

“What are you doing?” He asks, and you all but cringe at the thought of him not knowing you have to moisturize scars.

“I’m helping you.” You half expect him to make a witty comment but the situation proves to be too heavy and he goes back to staying silent. The whole act goes without words, you spread the lotion over his knuckles, rub it in gently. He doesnt say anything until you slide his gloves back on.

“Thank you.” He says and before you can say anything back he adds, “For your actions and your words.”

You press a kiss to one of his gloved hands. “Your welcome.” You thnk you see his cheeks tint the slightest shade of red before hes back to normal again.

“And here I thought I was the romantic.”

Xiao

I always liked the images of the karmic binds/shackles so I like to imagine his wrists are scarred from straining(?) those too much. I mean considering Xiao is an Adeptus physical wounds wouldn't leave a scar so maybe these more mental-type wounds would. Like the more karmic debt he has the worse the scars get in condition, the less debt the more they fade. Maybe the lotion helps soothe the debt more than anything. Maybe the act of something so comforting and intimate with you lessens the pain. Food for thought I guess.

Every morning, at dawn, Xiao enters a room in Wangshu Inn so his lover can put lotion on his scars. This morning is no different.

“Good morning, Xiao.” You say like always, same pretty smile on your face every day.

“Morning,” Xiao mumbles and frowns as if this isn't his favorite part of the day. He avoids your eyes as he takes off his gloves. As many times as youve seen his wrists, he still gets insecure about them. It's no secret Xiao hates being vulnerable, even around his most trusted companion.

“I saw zhongli yesterday.” You say quietly as he sits down on the bed next to you, lotion in hand. “He was with that harbinger.”

“Tch. Useless scum.” Xiao comments and you laugh.

“He seemed happy, Xiao. Try to be tolerant of his friend.” Xiao just rolls his eyes and rests his arm in your hand. You continue to talk about your day as you open the bottle of lotion and start to spread it out against his wrist.

Xiao stays quiet during this, as he always does. You think he must enjoy your voice because he's always been intent on listening to you speak even if he usually prefers silence. He absorbs your words so soaked in affection and the ache in his body seems to lessen. Pain becomes distant, horrible and intense feelings become easier to push away.

It's over before he realizes it, you've put the lotion away simply holding his hand now, savoring the feeling of his skin against yours. He leans against you and you hum in content.

Maybe this is healing for the both of you. Mutual comfort.

Tighnari

I know a lot of people like the idea of him having scars from getting struck by lightning so i'm just gonna play off of that. Lighting very rarely leaves scars but the scars it does leave are burns. The electricity also causes nerve damage so you'd have to be very gentle and careful when handling tighnari’s scars. They're probably on his neck/back so itd take a lot of trust for him to let you see him so vulnerable. He probably already has lotion he puts on himself but its very hard to reach your own back so eventually he asks you for help.

You've seen him put lotion on his scars many times, watched him wince at the pain of it. You refrain from asking him if he wants your help. Tighnari is independent, he doesn't need anyone's help. But maybe itd be less painful if he didn't have to strain his muscles to reach the scars.

He doesn't say much when he asks the first time. Just tells you to be careful. He starts to list the ingredients of the lotion he's made. How he found it, what the weather was like that day.

No matter how gentle you were he’d still pause in the middle of sentences, and with his back to you, you never saw his winces but you knew they were there.

“Okay,” you say when you've finished and you know he's relieved it's over even if it was a more pleasant experience than him doing it himself.

But he thanks you anyway, and he’ll ask you to do it again the next day.

SHSJDJSK OH MY GOD HI ITS ME JELLYFISH (silly text coloring is very fun to me) AGAIN HAHAH - okay so one , oh my god youre so nice WTF AAAH two , i dont have a board in real life because goodness the amount of printer ink id use to make little pictures for it …. the google slide i made was an absolute shitpost (because thats pretty much just how i think LMAO) im really into genshin lore itself and have a handful of “original” (as in ive never seen anyone else talk about em) theories (ive made a slideshow for one of them too —though i must admit it needs a lot of revision— and another is currently in progress) so i have a bit of a knack for “narrative detective work” as i call it LOL . little fun fact here (because im a total a show - off) i actually started seeing yunjin as a suspect around the ball arc ! (official documentation of my suspicion was the 5th of december between chapters 21 - 23 , if i recall correctly) the suspicious bolded texts about their relationship and viktors lie when asked about yunjins whereabouts /REALLY/ set off some alarm bells in my head , among other things . admittedly i never solved these cases a really long time before the main cast finds out , but i think its still a win , yeah ? honestly it was a bit of a shocker to me when it was revealed yunjin was “playing as” viktor , i never really considered that possibility in my head at the time ! kudos to you my friend , youve successfully plot - twisted the detective ! (haha) id totally log onto my actual tumblr account to send you the silly theoryboard i made for another fic because i think its funny to show people but its SO unprofessional and weird so idk tell me if youd like to see it i guess - i hope my unfiltered ranting doesnt bother you lmao , ALSOBEFOREIFORGET ILY2 <3 <3 (/p) BUT IT IS LIKE 2AM RIGHT NOW SO I WILL ONCE AGAIN SIGN OFF !! (note: please dont mind any spelling or grammar mistakes because i inevitably get a little braindead when its so late at night -)

yours truly ,

- jellyfish

HI JELLYFISH NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!

i should've mentioned the google slides board instead of just board because i knew what you meant haha! 😭 and about the running out of ink thing is so true i think if i had an irl corkboard where i solve out a case it's gonna be one hell of a mess...

and wow!!! i like genshin lore a lot but never really have the time to invest in everything since well, there's a whole lot of 'em 😔 it's actually so cool that you write up these digital boards and solve out stuff!! so interesting to see new kinds of ways to spend your free time~

i'm glad you caught on that yun jin was the serial killer around those chapters! i actually did purposely plan to start making her suspicious around the grad ball arc since it was one of the breaking points of y/n and kuni's relationship, so her having a big role in it makes everything more conflicted and wicked. it's a really nice addition to her character lmao

yun jin playing as viktor was something i myself hadn't expected to do ngl. i have no idea how i managed to execute that perfectly but i'm glad i did, seeing everyone's reactions to it is really comical and enjoyable! i love making people squirm! /hj

if you're comfortable with it, then sure! feel free to share that board with your theories on that fic you're talking about~ it'd be nice to see what goes on inside your head (I SWEAR THIS IS MEANT IN A NICE WAY!!!)

also, you never bother me!!! i like getting my inbox full with people interacting with me, so if anyone here who reads this wants to hit me up, then feel free to do so! i'm always open to new anons and friends :D

have a very nice day jellyfish and happy new year's eve / new year's! have a splendid 2023 up ahead 🫶

Wait, no, keep talking, HANS was done dirty?? I'm not judging I could care less but I am intrigued

LOOK, Anna and Hans had a lot of chemistry!! And literally every reiteration ive seen has just made him better and made their relationship more wholesome(except ouat lmao) And im not saying they had to stay together or even that he truly loved her but his 180 into villainy just isnt good writing!!! Its 2am idk how good im gonna be at words but

In the broadway version they spend even more time showing him to be a good and kind ruler, that couldn't be an act! He had no reason to be nice to these people and to be kind. For all he knows Anna just left to get herself murdered by her sister. The jig is up, he isnt getting shit out of this now, they weren't even really engaged cuz the Queen said no. And he even calms Weselton down at first!! Like the guy thinks the rulers are evil and need to be killed(musical has him suggest Anna is in on it but even in the movie Hans still focuses his efforts on helping Arendelle rather than bothering with Elsa at first). That is until he discovers in some way or another that something bad befell Anna (her horse returning/someone finding her frozen and soaked clothing out in the woods). Its only then that he goes to avenge her and kill/capture Elsa(note he doesnt actually go to kill her at first because he still believes he might be able to talk her down) and only decides its best to kill her later.

Which leads me back to the fact that he has NO reasons to be doing this!!! If Anna is dead and Elsa has commited treason, he isnt getting shit!!! The second he thought Anna was dead is the moment his role here became moot. Arendelle is a whole kingdom! Its gonna have its own line for next in throne should something happen to Elsa and Anna which something did! And Hans isnt on that list, because he isnt from Arendelle. At this point he's just doing what he believes is right and helping this kingdom out in whatever way he can.... potentially because he is very much stuck here now that Elsa has frozen the fjord.

The issue crops up when Anna turns up alive still but on her way out if she doesn't get this act of true love. And here's the thing I could 100% believe that Hans had ulterior motives and wasn't actually in love with Anna, what I CANT believe is the way his personality changes so abruptly into someone so cruel and uncaring. Like?? Dude has 12 older brothers who are all assholes to him? And he meets Anna and they get along and she's a little naive but he sees a way out. A way into the life he believes he's always deserved.

He never looks or reacts to Anna like he is irritated or thrown off by her. The camera even stops to show him watching her fondly when she can't see him!!

So here's my idea of how it'd be better. When Hans reveals he doesn't love her. Just have him say sorry, maybe they even do kiss but nothing happens!!(Personally i think the build up of the kiss but then nothing happening eould be cool) It'd be so easy! Basically nothing would change. He just says sorry and comes clean to using her, that even though he likes her he isn't actually in love with her. She’d still be heartbroken over it, maybe she even angrily shouts at him to leave. And the window bursts open later anyways so bump it up a bit sooner and her hands are too frozen over to open the door to grt out herself til Olaf saves her.

And like! The rest of the movie would play out the same, he'd just be doing everything with the genuineness that he had the entire time before the Reveal. He goes to punish Elsa for committing treason and killing the Princess. He tells her Anna is dead because she probably is seeing as he couldn't save her. (Also i just dont see why anyone would believe him about them managing to say their wedding vows like?? Aren't there rules to that kinda thing? Vows dont mean shit if there isnt someone there to be like "yeah this checks out theyre married now." Tho idk maybe cuz theyre royalty? What do I know)

Then rather than punching him Anna just breaks up with him lol.

My honest honest opinion on second citadel season 3

Uhhhh... short answer? I didn’t like it much.

Okay wait before I go on to my long answer I need to say that this is all just my opinion and it’s all subjective. If you liked sc season 3 that’s awesome! I get why you do and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

But I really wasn’t a fan of where they went with it (even from episode 1), and I’m gonna go on a long rambly and repetitive rant about it.

I’m not gonna talk about the way the season ended and the setup for s4 because I haven’t fully formed my opinion about that - to form my opinion means to relisten to the season and i don’t really feel like doing that.

Anyways, these are my unfiltered 2am thoughts about the Rest Of It - maybe I’ll neaten it up later to make it more palatable but for now it’s wordy n messy and you can just. Not read it bc it’ll probably make you mad, or feel free to pick it apart and tell me I’m wrong, or unfollow me (and at least one person has already done so lmao) but like that won’t change the fact that I just wasn’t feeling s3 so uh. That said.

Long answer? I love the second citadel... at least the first two seasons

I love the world building, how the setting is such a unique, deliberate step away from eurocentric fantasy, how refreshing all that is! The Second Citadel (the place) is rich with culture and history from the brief glimpses we get of it (mostly in knight of the crown). Not to mention the monster society, with its own rules (or lack thereof) and environments and personalities.

I love the storytelling, how different mediums are woven into the way each episode is formatted. Rilla has her tape recorder, Damien his prayers, Caroline her letters, and each medium is so well suited to each character, and it truly lets us get a glimpse of what’s going on in their minds, and I find it utterly fascinating how a protagonist of one story could just as easily become an antagonist (or at least, an annoyance) in another

And the characters! Each one so compelling, with their own goals and motivations, their own intriguing backstories and potential.

Most importantly, the way these characters play off of each other is what makes second citadel amazing. Getting to see people with similar experiences but different world views clash (Caroline and Mira), people with fundamentally different beliefs reconcile and meet in the middle (rilla and arum), just, Kabert created so many interesting characters, and watching them bounce off one another is a joy.

And that’s what made season 2 so great for me. The exploration of each character, getting to see their good sides and bad, through either a medium tailored for them, or through interactions with others, as they explored a fascinating world.

The end of season 2 left me so satisfied, but still with so many questions and excitement about what was to come. I wanted to see Talfryn come into his own and step out of his brothers shadow. I wanted to see Damien, Arum and Rilla navigating their new relationship. I wanted to know more of the fate of Rilla’s parents, Damien’s past, the consequences Arum would surely face after defying the monster court. I wanted Marc to finally be recognized by his fellow knights, to watch as Caroline lead the journeymen knights, while learning to trust in others as she was beginning to do. I wanted Angelo continuing to unlearn the implicit biases that had been instilled in him as a result of his upbringing, or more details on Caroline and Quanyii’s relationship. I was also curious!! How would human and monster relations change after the events of the finale? And would we learn more of the past, when humans and monsters lived together in peace?

I was buzzing with excitement for season 3, and then.. it came, it aired, and then it went.

And I felt... meh?

Don’t get me wrong. There were moments that I liked. Some of what I hoped to see did happen (see the above paragraph lmao), getting a glimpse of the western wastes with its own culture a joy. The dynamics between Olala and some of the characters were really fun! And the direction the story took at the end was one I didn’t expect, but left me open to more.

That said,,, everything else about the season just. Didnt gel with me.

Everything I loved about second citadel pretty much wasn’t there??? Aside from Caroline, Angelo and Quanyii, all the characters they spent so much time introducing to us and fleshing out over 2 seasons were just relegated to the side??

I think my main problem with season 3 was that it felt like a completely different show. Characters introduced as part of an ensemble became side characters in (what was supposed to be) their own stories. Character arcs that got set up were dropped, and mysteries/backstories teased were forgotten. Heck, the monster court and senate wasn’t even brought up! The aftermath of the fear bugs attack ont the citadel went unexplored! It’s like nothing in the past season even happened!

And I’m sorry I gotta say this, but the problem is Olala.

I mean. Okay I don’t wanna be super mean- she’s perfectly fine as a character. We root for her, we cry when she cries, and we cheer when she wins the day.

But since all the episodes were centered around her, we didn’t get to see anyone else’s inner worlds. And like okay, yes, they did it for this season of Juno Steel too, where Juno, the previous POV a character for 2 seasons, became a part of an ensemble, and was a side character for many episodes. But this choice worked for Juno and not Second Citadel, because it was a natural progression for his story! We spent 2 seasons exploring Juno’s character, his backstory, his motivations, we saw him come to terms with his family history, grow and change as a person, and by the time he joined the Carte Blanche, we’d gotten to a point with Junos story where we’re okay to step away for a while, and see events through the lens of others.

But that just?? Doesn’t work in second citadel? Because unlike Juno, the characters introduced in s1-2 are virtually unexplored! There’s still so much about their stories we don’t know, and so many ways for them to progress.

But we didn’t get any of that! Stuff established in s1-2 barely got payoff in this season. Characters stagnated, and when previously it was amazing to watch them interact with each other? Having each episode throw different combinations of characters together and seeing how they clashed and came together? Yeah we didn’t get that, it was all the same characters bouncing off of Olala, which is fine at first, but honestly? After the first couple episodes, it got stale.

And remember how before, we would get to see the characters tell their story through a medium suited for them? Well I noticed that the format of this season was a lot moreee audio drama-y (basically a TV show but with no visuals) and while there’s nothing wrong with that, one of SC’s strengths was in using the medium in unique ways, presenting the episodes in unique formats depending on the POV character. And with the exception of a few moments, the season really lacked that!

I know there were episodes in s1-2, like caves of discord and the Janus beast which didnt follow that format, but I think it’s a fan consensus that the episodes that do (moonlit hermit, KOTC lots, lady of the lake) are favourites, because they fully embraced the advantages and limitations those framing devices offered, and were truly perfect for character exploration.

It’s like. Idk. Imagine wolf 359 s3 where the si5 were introduced, and there was like 1-2 episodes of them interacting with the rest of our cast, but then after that the rest of the season just completely focuses on Eiffel and the new characters, and everyone else just disappears n twiddles their thumbs and doesn’t even do anything during the finale. That’s what happened this season, and that’s the kinda weird vibe I’m talking about.

Since I’m already rambling, I might as well just say some more stuff. I was disappointed with the music this season. I can tell Ryan Vibert was trying to figure a way to make SC sound different from Juno, and he was getting there in s1-2! The pieces that stand out now are the soft, acoustic guitar pieces, like Rillas song, or the lone melody line of the guitar in the SC theme. I thought he was getting it with s3e1, when Marc fought the dinosaur while traditional Japanese instruments were playing!! But then for the rest of the season, it was just samey echoey ambient electric guitar, like how it is for Juno. There could’ve been so much potential to give this world its own musical identity, but in the end, that attempt was dropped (at least that’s how it come off to me), just like so many other elements introduced in s1-2!

I’ve gotten this far in my rant, and I haven’t even talked about the story. And the story is. Hmmmmm

Like. It’s completely serviceable? Kabert are good at what they do so the story is a okay I guess? But to be completely honest, the characters and story were so tied together in previous seasons, so much so that in this season, even though the plot was just fine, it stayed just that. Fine. it always felt like there was something missing because the characters were the story, and to have just. So many holes in that department meant that the story itself was fundamentally empty.

Anyways uh. All of this is to say that this all boils down to character. I had my nits to pick with other elements but the fact that Rilla, Arum, Damien, Marc and Talfryn got completely sidelined (Tal most of all) when so much of the previous seasons were spent setting them up- in favour of a completely new storyline featuring new characters and settings when there was still so! Much! Left! Unfinished! From unfulfilled arcs to dynamics left untapped, and creative potential lost, the essence of the show was watered down and it left me with the intense feeling of

:/

Idk. Season 3 felt like a completely different show. I liked s1, I loved a2, but s3 just. isnt second citadel for me. I’ll probably still listen to the next season out of loyalty, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel as passionately about the shows future as I do it’s precious seasons, especially if they continue this way.

Sorry.

ok so heres an obligatory twc/detective oc infodump since i was up til 2am last night feverishly thinking abt Her

(tho um disclaimer i literally have just started so i know less than nothing abt anything lol)

her name is beatrice maddox ! but her friends/the whole town just calls her triss. hearing her full name just makes her feel like shes in trouble Unless its ava saying it and then shes 😳😳😳😳

shes bi ! aaaaand nobody is surprised in the slightest lmao ! she dated bobby and im ..... considering doing the n/a love triangle route tho i kno nothing abt it. definitely going to end up w ava tho bc i cannae resist

tattoos. EVERYWHERE. a couple are meaningful, but for the most part??? absolutely nonesensical 🥰 her tattoos were very carefully chosen to represent and Symbolize that she is Cool and Bisexual and Hot. thats it ✊

her personality is.... ok im not gonna try with the whole canon stats thing but she's very cheerful ! in a sort of Cool and casual and lighthearted way. maybe a little too lighthearted, almost as if it maybe.... it was a little forced 👀

shes a realist as opposed to an optimist/pessimist , but she tends have an ironic/lighthearted sense of humour that makes her seem a lot more silly than she is i guess? in truth, outside of like surface level warmth and extroversion for the sake of saving face, shes actually very reserved and awkward. i mean, she IS genuinely a very warm person, but theres a lot of darkness she tends to keep very deep inside herself, that virtually nobody has ever rly seen from her. shes the type of person who's GREAT at like, first impressions and having dozens and dozens of amicable aquaintances, but she rly struggles to form close friendships bc shes quite aloof and eccentric, sometimes says stuff that makes her sound callous, keeps a LOT of secrets and... hates opening up to ppl authentically lol! for reasons i'll get into!

she progressed thru her education and career stuff really quickly mostly due to being a gifted child ! obviously tho that means she also has gifted child syndrome lol. while she still excels professionally and on the surface she seems very functional and cheery and put together, her personal life has rly suffered bc of burnout and anxiety nd whatnot. emotionally shes not at the same place as others her age and shes just. very caught up inside her own head i guess and has a LOT of trouble relating to others, tho she's aquaintances/friendly with most everyone in the town. longterm relationships are VERY hard for her.

so. im already editing canon lol which is very on brand for me and it might not work idk !!!! but my lore for her rn is when she was a child, like 8 or 9, she um witnessed a murder/a body being discarded in the woods. it REALLY fucked her up.obviously. she was a kid and alone at the time and when she got home she was so ????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ abt it that she didnt tell her parents or let anybody know. at the time she still didnt rly understand what she saw, or at least didnt know how to handle situations like that bc literally Who would, but it still keeps her up at night, and shes still plagued by guilt and fear over it. the murder was never reported and nobody ever discovered anything, so sometimes she convinces herself that what she thinks she saw didnt actually happen ..... she rly doesnt know ! and it scared tf out of her !

that whole deal lead to her becoming uh quite morbid ! she was still a bright happy kid, but death sort of became like.... a n interest of hers, as well as criminals and finding out stuff. im still not sure if her focus is gonna be on detective work primarily or on science, ill maybe decide after my first playthru. anyway she never did anything that was like an actual red flag or anything xbxjsksms but she was just a Weird Girl growing up after that. she'd watch a LOT of true crime and read everything she could get her hands on and absolutely would have annoyed the shit out of all the detectives at the station.

speaking of annoying cops, shes also a reformed Rascal teenager. she was VERY rebellious as a kid, again mostly bc of Trauma, and was basically the loveable bane of wayhaven's existence for a good four years. again, she was mischievous but not in a malicious/dangerous way, but she definitely would have seen the inside of the station's jail cell a few times for like..idk. egging houses, graffiti, maybe weed idk ! just girly things! she ended up mellowing out soon afer highschool but shes still cool enough to have arm sleeve tattoos so u kno she still absolutely passes the vibe check

last point abt the murder but ! that event basically got repressed pretty quickly after it happened, she does not talk about it EVER, not to anybody. literally not a single person on earth knows what happened that day except her and the possibly-not-real-killer. and, while its sort of filed under the "Dont Consciously Think About This Ever" section of her brain, she obviously is haunted by it and has nightmares consistently, and its basically what inspired her to become a detective in the first place. bc its not so much about Seeing it that affected her so much as... not knowing who did it, not knowing what happened, and not being able to stop it. so much of her life after that was spent of Figuring Everything Out as like a coping mechanism, which obviously put a lot of pressure on her and strain on relationships, but it makes for great detectives lmao !

she is a hugely active person and needs constant mental simulation bc she genuinely hates quiet, and being left alone with her thoughts and memories. living alone sucks for her, so she usually has to play music as soon as she gets home, needs to go to sleep w music, needs to drive with music.... and driving is the worst. she sort of.... goes thru life feeling very ghostlike ! like shes living in a verh different world to everyone else. like shes waiting for something terrible to happen in every waking moment - its mostly practice that allows her to hide it with lightheartedness and jokes and deflective warmth, bc otherwise she'd go crazy !

i'll add more to this when i know more but if u read all of this i love you so much and you deserve a medal. im actually shocked im getting so into this already like i RLY didnt think i would

(ps her pinterest is a work in progress but it's here if anyones interested!)

thoughts on mots:7?? *eyes emoji*

aaaaaaah it feels like SO LONG since we’ve had music, even though we get so much content!  i feel so spoilt lmao.

think i’m gonna skip the tracks from persona, they’re all legends but i’ll end up making this ten pages long otherwise!

under the cut cause it’s looooooong, oops.

interlude shadow - this had some serious challenge coming after its god-tier predecessor, seesaw, ngl, but WOW. yoongi’s solo songs have such a unique style despite being different genres/moods and his lyrics are always what i especially look forward to diving into and shadow was no different! a lot of people say this too but the autotune works SO WELL for him and the way he plays with the rhythms in shadow is amazing. and that last section?? EXPLOSIVE. that’s gonna slay on tour oh my god.

black swan - i wish i’d made notes when it first came out but it took me a while to get used to this sound because it was so interesting and haunting. the topics in this song are so relatable and frightening tbh, it’s something i feel a lot recently, that fear of losing passion for your hobbies and job, etc, and surrendering to the darker emotions of giving up on those dreams (wow, dark, CHILL). after seeing the first performance of it as well!! omg!! some of their absolute BEST choreo yet, easily.

filter - mr. park. JIMIN. I was not prepared for this song and it’s so sexy and smooth and i want to scream thinking about choreo for this on tour, wtf man. this song was my jam right away!! the latin vibes!! rumba/salsa in a club at 2am vibes!! also idk if this is misreading the lyrics but i love the lowkey dark/seductive undertone of making anyone fall in love with you/celeb perception, etc. (probably reading way too much into it lol but still, loved the lyrics). But yes, WOW. Can he let me choreo pls?? i want him to have a CHAIR and a suit and tie and to absolutely destrOY us.

my time - before i go into this, i wanna say how much i loved the vocal line doing completely different stuff and defying all my expectations. the mood of this song is so unique and the slow rhythm with his just…absolutely gorgeous emotive voice makes it so refreshing. Also!! something i found really cool is jungkook doing stuff that’s more complex in emotion and a bit sadder/darker? he’s always had the happy golden perfect boyTM vibe and that’s cute af but also this song lets him be a bit confusing and mature and lost for once. This song hit me quite personally too because the lyrics about time and distance hit close to home as i have friends and loved ones moving out of my life and i just wanna feel not so stuck. I can’t WAIT to see what kind of staging he’ll do for this?? it could be anything lol, i really can’t guess.

louder than bombs - legit EVERYTHING i wanted from a troye/bts collaboration project oh my god. The music and build-up for this song is so bittersweet and haunting, the VOCALS oh my god?? truly stole my breath, wow. the rap line verses had some seriously hard-hitting lyrics too, the lower ranges of namjoon and yoongi made my heart STOP. (something i’ve always loved with bts is the way they play with flow through members taking different parts, which sounds so obvious lol, it’s what you do with a group, but i always love the way bts uses their members’ tones/styles to create a great mix in a song). I feel like this song truly sets up the recurring theme of acknowledging and embracing the good and bad, the wholeness of it is really vulnerable and - pun intended - explosive! it reminds me of the ‘sing louder to drown out the pain’ kind of mindset. sometimes you just gotta sing louder and sadder and ache.

ON - i actually don’t have much to say on this one because it’s just SO BTS and perfect for a title track and will absolutely GO OFF live. also the choreo is hard as hell lmao GOOD LUCK PEOPLE TRYING TO LEARN IT. also i’m gonna say it alongside everyone else but…JUNGKOOK’S HOLY BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh! - *aroused and scared.* this beat!!!! slaps!!! rapline songs can never fail tbh, also….i think i already love this more than outro: tear and we haven’t even had a performance lol. I don’t have any coherent thoughts to add other than HOLYYY SHIIIIT. This will be so fierce live??? i’m gonna get whiplash headbanging probably. also…can they PLEASE do choreo for that last bit??? please. please.

zero o’clock - lol some songs just make you ugly sob and then you read the lyrics and ABSOLUTELY SOB. this little asshole right here came for my entire heart. it’s pretty spot on for how i feel right now: just get through the day and wait for the next and try and be a bit happier. the bittersweet, hopeful tone is so lovely and really touching. it’s heartbreaking ngl, but in a healing, therapeutic way. it’s so soft and mellow without being too air-y which is pretty hard to get right tbh.

inner child - my favourite vocal line solo!!! i’m always so in love with taehyung’s solo songs tbh, his voice and songs are always my cup of tea, thank you for being a true hopeless romantic sir. this song is SO end-of-indie-movie and i’m completely hooked on it already, i walk to work and keep looping it and it makes me smile and tear up just thinking about hearing it live already. I love how it’s a love letter to his younger self, comforting, sad and so full of heart and acceptance. We all find it hard to look back but to have a song that says it’s okay to be proud of every version of yourself and your growth is AMAZING. i haven’t stopped thinking of the ‘we gonna change’ and i’ll give you my world’ lines. truly magical.

friends - shut up this is the SWEETEST SONG EVER. so my best friend is finally moving away from the hometown we’ve shared for 11 years and i am very vulnerable about it right now, so this coming out when it did?? a bit of an attack lol. but it really made me smile and be SO GRATEFUL to her, and to everyone else in my life and the bonds i have around me. jimin and tae’s friendship is the sweetest thing and to have them release a platonic love song??? to sing on tour together?? after growing up and becoming legends together? wow. talk about bff goals. the adorable details in the lyrics make it so personal and genuine, and the crowd-chanting bits in the chorus are gonna sound awesome live. also not to get sappy and cheesy but this also makes me think of all the friends people have made in this fandom and community and how we’re all enjoying this awesome thing together? love that, man.

moon - THAT’S THE LOML, KIM SEOKJIN, SLAYING AGAIN. awake and epiphany were both so epic and emotional in the traditional ballad genre, so hearing this was just?? SO COOL. it’s so happy and sweet and shows off his high range effortlessly. this has such an addictive melody, i kept humming it at work today and driving myself nuts lmao. it makes me think of summer days and hanging out with friends or on your own in the sun, reading. i also love how he expanded on ‘beauty’ as it’s always a word thrown at him lol, but he made it so innocent and lovely, like idk if he’s fed up of everyone yelling handsome at him and embarrassing him lmao but it was so wholesome of him to then turn around and make a song about appreciating subtle beauty and the bonds between army and bts (god i’m LAME, blame this album).

respect - this song’s such a VIBE. love the founders of bts doing a song together, god, just bros being bros and jamming together?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT. I didn’t realise how much i’d love this duo together but it’s so natural and you can see how much they love writing and working together. the lyrics are so fun and snarky and the throwback old-school bts vibe is PERFECT. it’s that clever thing they do of re-visiting older works and combining it with your present self to make something familiar yet different. so so cool.

we are bulletproof: eternal - omg so the first line of this i started laughing so hard because i was SO SURE it would be a Concert Jam™. then i sobered up pretty quickly and cue the tears and emotions lmao. This song gives me heartbeat/sea/mikrokosmos energy, it falls in that ‘epic emotional singalong’ genre they do beautifully. you bet your ass i’m gonna be bawling at this on the tour. i lost it crying in that last bridge when they say ‘why are you still walking with us’, it just hit me that wow, i’ve been a part of this journey and tbh, it’s gonna stay with me for life. the emotions packed into this song are overwhelming af whilst still being a celebration of the 7 years bts have been together, and the individual achievements too, of them and also armys? idk it feels very collective ‘us’ vibe and it’s beautiful. 

outro: ego - READY, SET AND BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAP OF THE SOUL MAP OF THE AAAAAAAAAAAL THAT’S MY EGOOOOOOOOOO. Oh my god, this song just slays everything tbh. When it came out i could not stop repeating it for the entire week and i’m still so in love with it. By far one of my favourite solos of the album! it’s so colourful, clever and A DANCE BOP. It’s everything about why i bias jhope and his style is freaking awesome. 

okay wow, all done!!!!!

y’all.......... how do you get a guy to stop texting you?

like, to be clear - i like this dude. i do. we have a lot in common and he’s easy to talk to. i don’t wanna stop talking to him completely. but he just...... will not stop texting me. it’s been 3 days. and he texts me. all the time. like, he was texting me until 2am last night, and i woke up this morning and saw a text from him at 9:30am just saying “good morning.” this text woke me up from sleep, which is already just the worst. like - no. no. i hate texting. don’t text me unless you have something to say. i don’t like small talk through texts.

but like, so - some background. we met on a dating app like 3 days ago, and he’s chill and i like him. but i guess there was a glitch in the system because he lives about 2 hours away? so we both agreed it would be too hard to do the long distance thing but we’d stay in touch and if either of us was ever in each other’s area we’d meet up to hang. and i kinda thought that’d be it, but he is STILL texting me. and i’m just not the kind of person who wants to talk to someone all day every day no matter if i like them or not. idk how to do that and its fucking annoying. like it’s gotten to the point where every time i see a text from him i like, cringe a little. which is sucky because we are having a good conversation.

but i’m just like..... not there yet. i’m not interested in ANYTHING resembling a relationship rn. idk if i’ll ever be there. but i do wanna keep texting with him, just not that much. because this is clearly not gonna go anywhere anyway and tbh i’m doing him a favor lmao

today i was just like “hey i’m busy this weekend so i’ll be bad at texting” kinda hoping he’d get the message, but he was like “it’s fine. how’s your day so far?” my day so far has been “please stop texting me”

so like, does anyone have any advice on this? i have literally never been in this situation where someone has been this enthusiastic to text so idk how to handle it bahaahha

a tag my dudes

oi i was @shawnsmercy and @for-my-mind so thank you guys!

rules - answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people.

- what was your last...

1) drink - water

2) phone call - my friend annette

3) text message - asking a friend about the ap human geo homework hehe

4) song you listened to - sHe by zayn

5) time you cried - last night lmao

- have you ever...

6) dated someone twice? - plenty of times

7) kissed someone and regretted it? actually yeah it was pretty bad, we went for different kisses (yikes)

8) been cheated on? - nope

9) lost someone special? - yeah

10) been depressed? only mildly, now all i harbour is frustration and stress oops

11) gotten drunk and thrown up? - i mean i had like a shot and a half of straight vodka and that was my first and only time drinking alcohol and i was slightly buzzed and got a massive headache and my stomach was not handling it well and i did almost throw up but i didn’t! yeah, never again. dark times, dark times.

- fave colours

12) pale yellow/blue

13) iridescent

14) black, grey n white (you can never go wrong with ‘em!)

- in the last year have you...

15) made new friends? - actually yeah i have

16) fallen out of love? - yes ma’am

17) laughed until you cried? - it’s a daily thing

18) found out someone was talking about you? - yeah but it actually wasn’t in a bad way this time which makes me feel real good :)

19) met someone who changed you? - yeah

20) found out who your friends are?-  i mean i’ve been known who my friends are and the new friends i've made haven’t surprised me with anything crazy about them so i guess not

21) kissed someone on your facebook friends list? - oof people still use facebook?

22) how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? - i. don’t. use. that. shit.

23) do you have any pets? - YES AND HE’S A DOG AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART HES SO CURLY AND SOFT AND LOVELY

24) do you want to change your name? - eh, nah

25) what did you do for your last birthday? - we hung out at the pool n ate n shit

26) what time did you wake up today? 7am. thanks school, you fucker

27) what were you doing at midnight last night? - homework oops

28) what is something you can’t wait for? - for these stupid stitches to dissolve, for school to be over, for my summer australia trip, and for the niall horan concert in september

29) what is your favourite animal? - doggos (its basic and i really don’t care)

30) what are you listening to rn? - there for you by troye sivan (my boiiii)

31) have you ever talked to a person named tom? - uh, i think so

32) something that’s getting on your nerves - how much i procrastinate and these fucking stitches

33) most visited website - probably youtube

34) hair colour - dark brown, yes, DARK brown

35) long or short hair? - eh it's kinda short-medium 

36) do you have a crush on someone? - a big fat one

37) what do you like about yourself? - that i can make people laugh or smile or feel good about themselves and i also like my curly hair and ability to do eyebrows (ayeee)

38) want any piercings? - no more for now

39) blood type - oof i’ve never been told what mine is

40) nicknames - mimi, mandy, panda (my mom and brother call me panda just to piss me off lol)

41) relationship status - single but crushing real hard

42) sign - gemini, bitch

43) pronouns - she/her i guess but whatever you want is fine with me tbh

44) fave tv show - probably the vampire diaries or drake and josh or zoey 101

45) tattoos - not of legal age yet but i have 11 tattoo ideas saved on my phone so far so best believe my fast ass will be seated in that parlour chair when i’m 18

46) right or left handed - i’m actually ambidexterous

47) ever had a surgery? - literally had one earlier today

48) piercings - i’ve got the standard ear lobe piercings and a helix in my right ear

49) sport - swimming yUh fuck land sports

50) vacation - aUsTrAlIa (ah that looks so weird)

51) trainers - converse or adidas

- more general

52) eating - my stomach actually just started growling probably because i ate fucking ice cream for dinner and a quick jell-o snack bc of this fucking mouth surgery

53) drinking - i lOve lemonade im a lemonade hoe but i only fuck with that good juicy lemonade not that watered down shit oh and i also really love iced coffee but water’s good too

54) i’m about to watch - my grades plummet and my school year be ruined bc im doing this instead of homework and its 2am and now im freaking out bc i didnt even realise it was 2am friCk

55) waiting for - this shit to heal so i can use my upper lip properly and eat

56) want - harry styles tickets i mean he’s literally coming to a venue about 20 minutes from my house ON MY BIRTHDAY but there are literally no good seats left at a price i can afford and for school to end *deep SIGH*

57) get married - ???

58) career - i’m currently looking into the tech industry and being a software engineer or web developer or lowkey an actress or an internet personality but lord knows what my indecisive gemini ass is gonna wanna be next year

59) hugs or kisses - hugs are more comfortable

60) lips or eyes - the eyes are where it’s at

61) taller or shorter - i’m not sure what this is asking but i’m average height ?? idk but i’m 5′4 and i prefer taller but if your short i still really really love you plus my crush is really short and she’s the cutest thing ever

62) older or younger - i’m just now realising the previous question was about preference which i did answer but i also added some unneccesary detail and now im too lazy to change it but not lazy to type an also unnecessary paragraph anyway i prefer my guys older and my girls can be either i really don’t mind

63) nice arms or stomach - i really don’t care you can have both, one, or neither but none of that really matters if your personality’s shit

64) hookups or relationships - relationships

65) troublemaker or hesitant - i’m kinda both sometimes i’m hesitant and overthink a situation and end up getting myself into trouble anyway it’s stupid and doesn’t make sense but it happens

66) kissed a stranger - heck no

67) drank hard liquor - ye buddy and it wasn’t good

68) turned someone down - yup

69) sex on first date - haha i see what you did there, number 69. but no i’m still a virgin wassup

70) broken someone’s heart - god i hope not but i think i have

71) had your heart broken - that’s its current condition

72) been arrested - nope

73) cried when someone died - i’d be concerned if i didn’t

74) fallen for a friend - it’s the current news

- do you believe in

75) yourself - i don’t know, do i?

76) miracles - i really don’t know, maybe?

77) love at first sight - eh yeah

78) sanata claus - is this some kind of joke

79) angels - harry styles wants me to believe otherwise and i mean when i look at her i definitely see what you mean mr. styles

80) eye colour - brown but i got green contacts to spice it up a bit (they’re prescription though bc i’m blind as fuck)

81) best friends’ name - bianca, kaylyn, allison, and ashadé

82) favourite movie - the outsiders, grease, dunkirk (i mean), everything, everything, and love simon (oh and the 1d this is us movie even though i never saw it but 1d’s in it so it’s automatically good also remember harry in dunkirk?)

83) favourite actor - HARRY STYLES (im biased oops), amandla stenberg, nick robinson, ralph macchio, tom holland, zendaya, ian somerhalder, and katherine langford (i literally just spewed a bunch of names from movies i love oh well)

84) favourite cartoon - tom and jerry bc im real like that, the amazing world of gumball, steven universe, and we bare bears

85) favourite teacher’s name - uh, what

i don’t know 20 people so ima just tag some people off the top of my head, sorry if you were already tagged: @illumilitt @shawnmcuddles @shawnssweatshirt @pattinsonshawn and anyone else who wants to do it :)

Omfg tell me more about the kidnapping story

ALriGHty then FriEnd. Here we go. So I live in California generally by San Francisco, but this summer I flew to Montana (If you’re not from the US, it’s about 2000 miles away, right below Canada) by myself to spend 6 weeks with my extended family that I rarely get to see. So It was like August 1st or whatever, it was a tuesday. And let me clarify, Montana is like the 3rd biggest state or some shit but it is literally Cowboy™Hell™. Their capital city Helena (where we were might I add) only has a population of 31,169. Now, I cant speak for all of y’all reading this, but that is small as fuck. I’m not gonna tell you where I live, but the population of my SMALL city is 84,950. AND MY CITY IS TINY. Like binch get some people. Anyways,,, so I was staying with my cousin Mackenzie and we told her literal trash piece of a mom that we were going to stay the night at her friend Olivia’s house. So we went to Olivia’s and did our makeup and fucked around and decided we wanted to go out. So where do you go when you’re in  Cowboy™Hell™ with population of 31,169? Walmart. So at this point when we are done fucking around and gettin ready and shit, its like 10pm. No matter where you are in the world, all Walmarts are the same. e v e r y w h e r e. When you step into a Walmart you get that feeling and it’s what keeps the world together. So when we go to Walmart, we literally fuck around there for like an hour, and we get some Rockstar energy drinks bc what’s more suspicious than 3 teenagers,, one with bright ass dyed red hair (me,,),,, buying a bottle of chemicals to consume at 11pm,, :)) So let me clarify, there is a “city”-wide curfew from 11pm to 5:30am,, and my cousins terrible excuse of a mom doesnt know we are out. So we leave walmart and we just chill in Mackenzie’s (cousin) car deciding wtf we should do. And then we remember, we know someone with a cute ass dog. This dog is literally the cutest dog anyone has ever seen, not even exaggerating. She is like a 6 week old Australian shepherd mix and she looks like the physical embodiment of if Trump got impeached (the literal best thing in the world). So this chick who owns this dog let’s us come meet her so we can like pet sit the dog for the night. So obviously, we go get this dog,, i mean,,,,, who wouldn’t want to be with the cutest dog  e v e r. So we go get this dog and we were just chillin and talking to the girl for a while so now its like 12am. So now there’s just 3 suspicious looking teenagers with literally nothing to do in  Cowboy™Hell™. And now we have a dog. So let me tell you about Olivia real quick. She has been living off energy drinks for the last 3 years, she’s not the BIGGEST fan of the dog (for some reason..), and her life goal is to go take pictures on all of the statues in  Cowboy™Hell™ with a population of 31,169. And thats what we go to do. We drive downtown and take this cute ass puppy who is no bigger than a football and we start walking around downtown. Now,, as much as I love this dog, I said we probably shouldn’t take it because she can’t walk for that long,, but no,, Kenzie wanted to take her,, So we did. So we walk around with this cute ass dog downtown at like 1am with no one else there and no form of protection,, i know,,,,, smart. In Cowboy™Hell™, there’s a large statue of a propeller on top of a small hill in like the middle of downtown. So we all start walking up this hill so Olivia can achieve her life goal,, well the dog was getting tired or something because it kept like stopping on it’s way up. So Olivia and I went up the hill to the propeller while Kenzie stayed with the dog and tried to get it to come. About 2 minutes after we went up the hill,, Kenzie came running up to the top holding the dog and saying “dude there’s a guy coming up the hill”,, none of us actually thought this was fucking terrifying bc there’s just some random ass guy at 1am,,, but we are all antisocial fucks so obviously talking to him was what we were worried about. But just as Kenzie told us, we saw the guy which freaked tf out of her because she said he would have had to RUN,,,, to be that close to us that soon. So you know when you’re chasing your sibling and theres one of you on each side of the table or the couch or whatever? yeah,,,, that’s what we did with this guy,.. We attempted to ‘hide’ behind the propeller (it was literally the most pathetic thing i’ve ever done, we were all laughing and joking like “oh fucc he’s probably a murderer lmao” (as we needed to be fucking quiet) and as he walked by he said something but none of us know what he said. it was really short but idk. So he went into this tunnel that’s filled with graffiti that’s literally right behind the propeller statue and then we actually had some logic and were like o shit we should probably go,,,,,, so we all like ran down the other side of this hill,, and let me remind you,, we are still holding this goddamn dog,, that i said we shouldn’t take.. We were all laughing like omg we are gonna get raped lmfao (which we shouldnt joke about but some creepy ass dude just walked by us at 1:30 am like tf). So we were just chillin and then we notice, this guy started walking down the hill. Towards us. Now we are actually creeped the fuck out and we starting to think like oh shit is this guy actually following us,, so we start walking away, making sure to keep looking at him to see if hes still following us. Okay, sidenote; I currently have a balloon tied to my wrist (i found it while climbing statues earlier), I am holding a book that we also found, Olivia is holding the dog because the puppy can’t run with us, and Kenzie is holding a book and Olivia’s energy drink. It’s 1:30 am in the middle of  Cowboy™Hell™ population 31,169 and some guy is now following us. But we wanted to make sure he was following us, so we went around a building and he also went around us, confirming that he is indeed,, a complete psychopath. So we run around the building to the other side and we check to see if he’s still there. Also,, this  e n t i r e  time, we only ever saw him walk. He never ran. Which lowkey made it even MORE fucking terrifying. So me, having common sense, think O SHIT, THERE’S SOME RANDOM ASS GUY FOLLOWING US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,, WE SHOULD PROBABLY CALL THE COPS,,,,, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,, nah.. that idea was shut down immediately when Olivia brought up, the curfew. Hmmmmm,,,,, face parents or get raped/murdered????,,,,, obviously the latter. So now it’s probably 2am. At this point, we start to worry a bit, and by ‘worry a bit i mean start freaking the fuck out. Like, we could legitimately die depending on what this guy’s intentions were. Without Kenzie or I even noticing, Olivia picks up a rock in case she needs a weapon,,, like a rock would protect against a gun or knife or some shitt,,, but its okay. And while all of this is happening,,,,,,,,,, we are still holding this cute ass dog. So we decided we need to GO. But the guy is between us and the car. So we run across the street and hide in this little area in the trees. He sees us and starts walking down the MIDDLe of the street.  Creepy as FUCK. So we start running,, with my balloon, two books, an energy drink and a puppy. We ran to this old walking street thing that goes uphill, and they have a bunch of historical buildings or something. We can see the first building has like a back yard so we hop the stone fence and hide back there. I put my balloon on the doorknob to the building so that it wouldn’t fly away, and the guy couldn’t see where we were (ik,, smart af). We set the dog down and take a few moments to chill and breathe and think about what we are gonna do. This building is right on the street and right across from a park, so olivia tries to go look and see if the guy is still there, and she accidentally hit a huge metal thing which made the LOUDEST sound ever. So take a moment to ask yourself, what the fuck would you do if some creepy ass dude was following you at 2am in the middle of a “city” that you dont live in? Well shitt just die apparently. So we started talking and we were like fuck, we need to get the hell out of here, now. At this point, our car is like .7 miles away and we are all lazy ass motherfuckers who don’t run,, e v e r. But I guess it’s our only option. So we have to run this, while carrying two books, an energy drink, and a dog. You might ask you might ask yourself, why still carry the books and energy drink?? Are they really that important??? Yes. We sneak out onto the street to see if he’s even still there, and then we see this dicknugget stand up. He was sitting in the park, waiting for us. And then we started running. Now, running back to our car was a whole other adventure just by itself. We are running slightly downhill, which makes us go faster. We don’t even bother looking to see this guy because  nyoom nyoom gotta go fast – We start sprinting down this road,, and then we hear a car coming. It’s gotta be going like 60 mph down this goddamn road at 2am and they see 3 teenage girls sprinting. Just a normal day in  Cowboy™Hell™ apparently because if you see three people running as fast as they can down a road in the middle of the night, you might stop to see if they’re okay? nahhhh. guess nott. Not to mention, Olivia and I almost got ran over by this goddamn car because we are running in the middle of the street. Meanwhile, we still have 2 books, an energy drink, and a puppy (who at this point is probably traumatized just like the rest of us).. So we just keep running for what seemed like forever (it was probably like 2 minutes), and then,, I drop my book. And me,, being the dumbass that I am,,, i stop to pick it up. Don’t ask me why I risked my life to pick up a book that we randomly found,, a book that i dont need,, a book that later we found out to be erotica,, because i do. not. know. Ya know, I always had this mental picture that if, for some reason, I had to run for my life, my body would trade in my out-of-shape, asthma-stricken lungs for super-lungs from the adrenaline or something– BOI WAS I WRONG. My lungs felt like they were on fire. Like actually burning. So what do I do? I’m literally being chased by a murderer but I really dont wan’t to run.. Well fuck, guess i’ll just die. I start walking because FUCK IT, my out of shape ass needs to chill. Then Kenzie see’s that I am walking she was like THANK GOD i’m tired too. Meanwhile Olivia is way ahead of us, and she looks back to see us,,, and we are walking, and she was like “what the fuCk are you DoiNG ??”. So kenzie and I work up the strength to start running again; and then we see it,,, our car. We unlock the car and just sit. All of us out of breath, scared shitless, apparently Olivia still had her rock, and my first thought after this was all done? I want my balloon. While all these events were occurring, Kenzie was texting her friend what was happening. We went and picked up Kenzie’s friend and his friend who was staying with him. Now it’s like 3am. We almost just got murdered/raped/kidnapped/whatever, the cute ass dog is sleeping in the car, and now we have two guys with us. weLL HEy, I haVe A gREat iDeA; LET’s GO GET MY BALLOON. So we drove the car for another 20 minutes and went back to the same place we almost died; I know, smart. Just a quick reminder that Cowboy™Hell™’s “city”-wide curfew is 11pm… and its 3am,,,. So we park in the same exact spot we were parked 2 hours earlier when we were being stalked by some creepy motherfucker and we got out. We showed the guys what happened place by place, we got my balloon, and then we were just chillin on the street. We saw some car down the street driving towards us and Kenzie made some tdumbass joke like “lmao watch that be the sheriff”, Well GUESS WHO THE FUCK IT WAS??? YOU GuESseD rIGhT mY FrIENd. the sheriff. Quick reminder: curfew. If that sheriff stops, not only do we look fuckin suspicious af just chillin in the middle of downtown on a tuesday at 3am, they will call our parents. And we cant have that.. So what do you do when you’re in Cowboy™Hell™ and can’t get caught by the cops? Run. We all get off our asses and book it, and hide in some bushes for about 10 minutes until the coast was clear,, well we thot anyways,,,, we were walking down the street and he came around again and guess what? We all run for like 20 minutes back to our damn car and drive. BYE BITCH. None of our parents know we are out, so where tf do we go now? Can’t go home. My home is 2000 miles away. Well what perfect place to be in Cowboy™Hell™ then the CHURCH. We legitimately spent a good 3 hours in the church parking lot because where else we gonna go? back to Walmart? Probably,,, then its about 7am and we drove to some park. Welllllll,, since its Cowboy™Hell™ with a population of 31,169, EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS EACH OTHER. My cousin’s neighbor came jogging by at 7 in the goddamn morning (who does that, get a life, sleep in, just stahp,,) and recognizes our car and guess what happens now? He calls our parents :))))))) Thanks for being a snitching ass little bitch,, because then my cousin’s mom drives up and says heyyyyyy, get your asses home :)) Well guess where we didn’t go? home. Guess where we went instead? Of all the places in Cowboy™Hell™ with a population of 31,169, we went to Walmart. 

tagged by @wibuwibirb a long time ago and got lost on my notifications askdjskdfh but here it is

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and be happy yes

LAST

Drink: coke

Phone call: My uni teacher

Text message: to my two childhood friends

Song you listened to: Shelter - ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴠᴇʀ - (Cover)【JubyPhonic】

Time you cried: hmm that would be last week, like at 2am or something

HAVE YOU

Dated someone twice: nope

Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

Been cheated on: nope

Lost someone special: I lost a few very good close friends, which makes me very sad.

Been depressed:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah i don’t really drink, bro

Made new friends: yeah!!

Fallen out of love: nah

Laughed until you cried: probably, yea-

Found out someone was talking about you: hmm... yeah, actually

Met someone who changed you: ayup

Found out who your friends are: i found out who aren’t my friends, and that is a just as important, i guess

Kissed someone from your Facebook list: what even is facebook at this point- but no

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nope

Lost glasses/contact lenses: hahah- once, because i slept with my glasses on my face and woke up with them gone. they were under my pillow

Turned someone down: ... not that i am aware of?

Sex on the first date: nope, no sex. or date.

Broken someone’s heart: ... i guess not? i hope not...

Had your heart broken: not really ahah- not that i know

Been arrested: I WILL NOT GO BACK TO JAIL! okay but jokes aside, no

Cried when someone died: ... no, actually i didin’t.

Fallen for a friend: Guess not?

Kissed on the first date: nope

GENERAL

List 3 favorite colors: Blue, red and pink!

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: uuUHH- itS BEEN SO LOng leMME see--... 154 dsfkljdsf i have more followers than that wheeeze

Do you have any pets: i already had two dogs, one was a boxer named Sora, the other a pinscher called Bidu. I had a few hamsters as well and some golden fishes and three betas. The dogs passed away, the fishes too and the hamster i killed one and then gave out the rest to a sick kid that really wanted pets wheeeze but currently no, no pets

Do you want to change your name: want- not really want no, but if I were to choose another name- man, I love the name “Melody” a lot, that would be such a cute name to have.

What time did you wake up: today was about... 7:30am

What were you watching at midnight last night: my drawing being made finally after so long wheeeze- i was drawing last midnight

Name something you can’t wait for: finishing my final project on uni so i can focus fully on developping my game alraedy askdfjiher

When was the last time you saw your mom: like, 10 minutes ago wheeeze

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my gosh forsaken will to do work because man i need to get back to focus on those things

What are you listening to right now: unravel (English Cover)【JubyPhonic】ᴅᴊ-ᴊᴏ ᴅᴜʙsᴛᴇᴘ ʀᴇᴍɪx

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: my lazy ass

Most visited website: tumblr, youtube and my email

Mole/s: Yup

Mark/s: i have- freckles caused by sunburn on my shoulders and... maybe one or two scars somewhere...

Childhood dream: i wanted to be a bus driver and a trashman.... or well, trashwoman. dont ask, i also don’t know why

Do you have a crush on someone: i have a crush on a stable sleep schedule and i know its out of my reach so i gave up. no, no crushes

What do you like about yourself: .... optmism? uh.... kindness? or.... being very patient?

Piercings: used to wear earrings, but now eh just on special moments.

Blood type: O+

Nickname: Ben, Bennyo, Benben, Bencake, Benbun

Relationship status: single like a pringle, looking for Pringles, not dates. Give me chips, thanks.

Zodiac: Aeris

Pronouns: She/her

Favorite TV show: what is TV? im not even joking its been so long since i watched anything-- uh... Bear Bears, Voltron, uh... idk man, weve been watching so much Star Trek lately i cant stand that anymore otl

Tattoos: oh man I WISH

Right or left hand: Right to things that need precision, left to anything that needs strength

Surgery: none so far

Hair dyed in different color: it already was: red, purple, blue, pink and blue, and now that im not taking care of it is green wheeeze

Sport: i like chess. thats a sport. im not good, but i like it lmao i also love to watch voleyball

Vacation: from my room to the bathroom

Pair of trainers: ... two i guess, one have a hole but still usable

Current and all-time best friend: nOW THAT I KNOW i caN HAVE MORE THAn ONE its sazy and avi! not gonna tag because im lazy. But!! I do love all my friends equally, no need to feel left out

Eye color: hazel/ bright green when i cry

Favorite movie: Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: hugs. i love hugs please just-- just hugs...

Lips or eyes: eyes, yes all eyes are gorgeous

Shorter or taller: ha as if there is anyone shorter than me. taller

Nice arms or stomach: can i like- pick a third option: back? no? well- arms then

Sensitive or loud: a little bit of both is always good man, someone that is energetic and uplifting but knows when to tone down and be gentle

Hook up or relationship: relationships

Troublemaker or hesitant: again, a little bit of both is always good

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: i dont omg i know so much bad stuff about me, man hey man, if i don’t, who will?

Miracles: yes, but you need to work for them. Miracles only happen to those that work hard.

Love at first sight: hhmm... i don’t think so, no... you can like someone at first sight, but love only comes after knowing the person.

Santa Claus: good man, needs more love of the kids

If you feel like doing this, please go ahead and tag me so i can look at it too!! Have fun~

do 1-20 AND NUMBER 46

things that inspire you   

def other fics?? especially one’s with really great prose that make have to lay down and re-evaluate my entire life; also the hellspawn that is my mind that never lets me rest is a thing

      2. things that motivate you

MUSIC this is why 1/3 my music library is just soundtracks lmao, soundcloud is a lifesaver too imo

     3. name three favorite writers

fuck it im just gonna drop some friends, ichinose ;) , safety_dancer & hannahkannao

     4. name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why

TheRabbitWhisperer, I love their prose so much you have no idea its so poetic and its GOALS

buu, once again their prose is really amazing and its just amazingly in character??

accordingtomyresearch, bobbie’s just a really great writer and she’s the only one who doesn’t put me in the shame box when i start throwing out angst lmao

     5. since how long do you write?

oh dear god i remember i was like 15 when i decided to write naruto fic… that was a dark time fuck that

     6. how did writing change you?

I now know what exercises to do if I ever get lung surgery :D

     7. early influences on your writing

IM NOT SURE HOW TO ANSWER THIS HONESTLY

      8. what time are you most productive?

12-2am mostly idk why lmao

     9. do you set yourself deadlines?

mmmmkind of?? i give myself like a month tops to hash out a long chapter

     10. how do you do your researches?

google mostly, but if its a sensitive topic, i’ll ask around tumblr (theres a lot of amazing people that actually helped me yesterday for the very same reason)

     11. do you listen to music when writing?

what kind of person do you take me for?? (this is a yes lol)

     12. favorite place to write

My bed??? writing fic in public has a LOT of ways for it to go wrong

     13. hardest character to write

charcters that are too bright and optimistic (lmao) for example HINATA FUCKING SHOUYOU why are you so happy child i can’t understand?

     14. easiest character to write

anyone with a similar aspects to my personality, helps me get into their mindspace like bakugou from bnha

     15. hardest verse to write

im bad at explaining transitions, like trying to build up a scene until it’s at the climax. (ex: man goes to cafe, orders drink, finds guy, argues with him, and he gets decked) i just wish i could say this dude got punched but now i just cant do that and it sucks

     16. easiest verse to write

anything dealing with emotions, im a pro at that shit 10/10 would forcibly make you relate

     17. favorite AU to write 

does angst count as an au becAU S E

     18. favorite pairing to write 

any pair w kags (kagehina, oikage), bakushima, mikayuu

     19. favorite fandom to write

haikyuu definitely

     20. favorite character to write

KAGS (tbh this was probably foreseen before i even opened my mouth)

     46. share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet

(just a warning its not proofread)

Kageyama blinks once.

His chest feels barren and pulses with dull aches thatsting with each breath he takes, and it burns like the sun. But he likes thefeeling, compared to how full and congested he had trained himself to get usedto for months on end. His stomach feels just as empty. The feeling is lesspleasant. When was the last time he ate? He can’t remember.

Twice.

The room spins and his head nearly swims with it. It’s darkbut the windows beside him let the moon shine onto his bed and give him somesemblance of where he is.

His head pounds with the beginnings of a headache.

He doesn’t want to be here, shoved and left to rot in ahospital bed with nothing to accompany him other than the heart monitor by hisside. It’s silent, so unlike the fake and plastic hospitals he was used toseeing on television. There’s no one rushing into his room, fussing over him,asking how he feels or forcing him to eat. There are no doctors giving himreassuring pats on the shoulder and no chubby nurses sneaking him snacks fromthe cafeteria. No one walks him down to the over-priced café for the visitorsand no one is sleeping in the chair beside him waiting for him to wake up.

It’s five in the morning and all he has to accompany him isthe thin bed sheets and a bloody bag of bleeding hearts resting on the chairthat serve as a cold reminder of what his fate could’ve been.

He turns his head to look out the window, getting lost inhis head as he imagines the dark, wispy clouds to be fish swimming laps around themoon in the black abyss of the night sky.

He falls back asleep just as the clock reaches 5:14 am.

tell us about kinatsuen

x

:DDD ty anon! sorry for the delay

1. Who texts more often?

en but they’re usually just weird things he’s thinking about at the time. atsushi texts most often with information or questions that are relevant to their lives. kin-chan rarely initiates texting although he’ll respond if someone else texts him

2. Who is better with kids?

atsushi!! en likes them but they’re exhausting and kin-chan often doesn’t know how to deal with them

3. Who tops/bottoms?

en tops. kin-chan bottoms. atsushi is a switch. sometimes en or kinshirou will do the opposite role but tbh not often

4. How do they eat ice cream? What’s their favorite flavors?

they all get ice cream in a cup. atsushi thinks cones are nice but more trouble than they’re worth, en just thinks they’re a pain especially if you eat slowly, and kin-chan thinks it’s gross how sometimes the ice cream melts over your hand. i think atsushi would adore ice cream with chili in it but i don’t think they have things like that in japan (am i wrong though????? idk) so instead he gets chocolate, or any unusual flavors if they sound interesting. en likes vanilla ice cream with weird toppings, especially manjuu if thats an option like in the game :D kinchan likes green tea ice cream. it doesnt taste like green tea but he still thinks it tastes good

5. Do they go on dates? What are they like?

i dont think they go out on specially designated dates very often. for special occasions maybe like kinchans birthday. he probably wants to go to a fancy restaurant for his birthday dates so those are full of en feeling kind of uncomfortable and out of place, until kinchan catches on and starts getting them private rooms so en doesnt feel judged. … they go out sometimes to do stuff i think? and those are de facto dates even though they werent planned that way, like.. they act cute and in love bc theyre too in love to do otherwise

6. Do they stargaze? Expand.

WHAT A QUESTION

yes, they go stargazing. but en falls asleep quickly tbh and sometimes he cba to go at all so often its just kinatsu. when its kinatsu, it is sickeningly sweet. i still think that atsushi is the one whos really into astronomy and kinchan just enjoys spending time with atsushi in a romantic setting. there is lots of cuddling. …when en is there, though, he like .. makes up new constellations and speculates about the mysteries of space, &c &c. so its not as tooth-rotting but everyone still has a good time

7. Who’s the laziest?

hmmmmmmmmm…

8. Who complains more?

en tbh but kinchan has his moments as well

9. Who wakes up earlier?

kinchan! atsushi wakes up early too but not kinchan-level early. en .. yeah

10. What do they smell when they smell amortentia?

en: fresh laundry (= clean sheets), the smell of something sweet baking, kin-chan’s soap lololatsushi: curry, green tea bc he associates it with kin-chan, that kind of autumny smell u know when the leaves are falling and its starting to get coolkin-chan: the smell of tea ceremony which may or may not include more smells than just green tea idk, the sweet curry atchan makes him, a faint hint of paint bc en is an artist but too much paint smell is unpleasant

11. Who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back?

LMAO if anyone would do this, en would, but i’m not convinced. possibly kin-chan sets the alarm on en’s phone to something unbearable on a day when en has to get up early

12. Who uses chopsticks/Can either of them use chopsticks?

they’re all japanese so

13. When they can’t sleep what do they do?

kinchan tries to lie there in silence with his eyes closed the way u r meant to do. sometimes that gets results. if it doesn’t, he probably gets up and reads in a different room. atsushi does the same, except when he lies there quietly he’s less likely than kinchan to cuddle up to whoever’s next to him bc he doesn’t want to wake them up. en … ????????????????????? ??????? if he couldn’t sleep he wouldn’t know what to do with himself so he’d just lie there until it happened

14. Who’s clumsier?

probably atsushi. none of them really strike me as super clumsy but i think kinchan is graceful. whereas atsushi can be kind of awkward sometimes im sorry bby

15. Who would hold the umbrella in the rain?

en is the tallest. he’d try to make atsushi do it but atsushi would be like “just hold the umbralla en-chan omg” so he’d do it. he’d whine about it tho. also it’d have to be a big umbrella to fit all of them under it

16. What do they argue about most?

making en do the chores. kin-chan being a snob. those can be kind of rough bc kin-chan is a bit of a classist dick u know so sometimes he unintentionally hurts en’s feelings and then the resultant argument gets kind of messy. kinshirou and en also have frequent arguments about art but they aren’t as emotionally charged

17. Which one is a secret snuggler?

kin-chan. en is an open snuggler. and out and proud snuggler

18. Which one offers their jacket to the other when they complain they feel cold?

atsushi, but kin-chan won’t take it. u keep urself warm, atchan!! en often says the same thing but if he’s really cold he’ll accept it a;ljsdf

19. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

atsushi. en remembers their favorites &c but not every single thing at every restaurant. kin-chan also remembers i think but he doesn’t let on, he just enjoys the feeling he gets when he’s right. it’s warm and fuzzy and also slightly triumphant lmao

20. Who reaches for the other one’s hand while driving?

en … tbh … kin-chan and atsushi are more conscious of road safety!!!! ..but sometimes if the road is straight they take en’s hand when he reaches out lmao

21. Who gets the window seat?

en. he wants to zzz. a couple of times early on kin-chan said no i want the window seat i want to watch the scenery but en was so annoying about not being able to zzz as easily that he just let him take it after that

22. Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it say?)

ok this meme really is just like a bunch of questions from other memes all stitched together. this question confirms it. atsushi leaves the notes. they’re cute little cheerful things for kin-chan but they are an extra way for him to nag en-chan. also occasionally en leaves obnoxious things in kin-chan’s lunch if they’ve been arguing or he’s been teasing kin-chan and then kin-chan is mad all afternoon :D

23. Who wakes up first?

kin-chan

24. Who falls asleep while watching a movie?

all these questions about sleeping and waking up like are they even necessary here

25. Who’s prone to wearing socks indoors (or to sleep)?

my first thought was that maybe kin-chan has bad circulation, but he’s an archer… idk if that would help the circulation in his feet, but in any case i’ve changed my mind about that hc altogether. so probably atsushi if anyone

26. Who has bigger cravings?

…. en and kin-chan. possibly kin-chan feels it the most if he goes without tea but like en needs his manjuu ;;

27. Who reminds the other to put on sunscreen before going to the beach (or pool)?

atchan. kin-chan might tell en but he has faith in atsushi’s ability to remember for himself. (atsushi reminds everyone tho including kin-chan)

28. Who carries all the important documents while traveling?

kin-chan

29. Who sneaks in cookies in the shopping cart?

en a;sljkdf

30. Who cooks at 2 in the morning?

n .. o one. i was going to say this sounds like smth en would do but then i was like… why tf would en be awake at 2am…

31. Who gets extremely competitive playing Mario Kart?

…ok so here’s an image for u. en and atsushi are getting intense over mario kart and kin-chan comes in and kind of shakes his head at them but then en invites him to join in and won’t take no for an answer so kin-chan is like ugh fine. but he doesn’t really put any effort into it at first except then he comes in 12th place in the first race whereas en and atsushi come in 1st and 2nd and it is an insult to his pride so he’s like… ok. let’s do this. and en and atsushi are startled! but in the other races he makes it up to like ……….8th place maybe. …which still isn’t good enough for him but he chooses to be disgusted w/ the game rather than w/ himself

32. Who takes longer getting ready?

probably kin-chan? idk i don’t think en or atsushi put unusual effort into getting dressed/getting dressed up. kin-chan might take a little extra time to make sure he looks 100% classy and put together but even he’s not gonna spend an hour or even half an hour getting ready

33. Who likes doing the dishes?

???????????????? none of them. atsushi ends up doing them most often but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it

34. Who points at a dog when they see it?

… no one, but en is the one who says “ah a dog”. but! kin-chan is the one whose face quietly lights up the brightest at the sight of the cute animal. ..as long as it doesn’t get to close bc dogs are slobbery and undignified

35. Who’s prone to road rage?

…kin-chan. why can’t all these imbeciles follow basic traffic laws D

omg now i need to figure out wtf im gonna do w 2-700 n 2-900..... like who bouta be what. who are their characters. what have they been through and seen...... this is highkey fun but then lowkey stressing n causes me migraines at 2am BUT i love my lil tumblr blogssss.

hmmm okay now wait lemme just type what im thinking okay so 700 is like,,,, for love i tink and she’s v v soft n just luvly uno ?? and so i want her to be about love whether it be stories or just quotes or lyrics or anything love will be the main focus...... now about 900, she is on some confusing shit. i think i want her to be mainly stories.... so i might post tddup on there as well as the new story im writing since she’s gonna be major fun.... i might have to make a link to all my stories but then again i don’t really plan on posting anything else on there since this is my main blog so ya i just might not make a separate link to the story posts cuz that’d be unenpnfornfor i just spent a whole min tryna type unnecsesary ... unnecesary .. unessesscary ..... u get it.

so ummmm yeah thats my mind made uuhhh future mia tldr; 2-700 is love n 2-900 is strictly stories uwu thx for anyone else who read lmao ik this is so fucking long and if anyone unfollows me ( wait.... does anyone follow me ? idk ) ummm i understand.

did i mention i have a twitter @jmvuz go follow if u wanna see me ry about bts and argue w ashley.... also don’t mind my layout atm it’s april fools so we basically went back in time to sorta “prank” the boys and pretend its their debut day and all that OMG WHY AM I STILL TYPING see this is what happens when you give me a computer and too much time bc i will go on and on and thats probably why im such a great writer bc my mind just travels at 10000mph and i dont stop OMG IM SORRY BYE.

Episode #13: “baaa louder.” - Zach

So after that tribal I feem good and bad. On one end, I think it was the best case for me to use it for vote reveal and it showed Bryce/Zach up, Rhys is out and yeah. On the other, I regret voting Rhys out now because it will give Michael and Chloe an excuse to force rocks in F8 unless some serious minigames are done. SO I am going to ask Michael/Chloe to F3 maybe? Not sure yet but I think now if I ever do reach the end, I am gonma probably use this vote as a reason to win since I feel if I didnt make the decision to say anything, I would have possibly left. AND everyone got exposed? Miss me on that revote

girl im going home

so tribal happened and like. period. it was really sad + like i love rhys and seeing him go was upsetting, but like.. it's the game. no hard feelings! but i'm so frustrated with so many people. it's less of the game but more of how they acted, and thats why bryce and i snapped and leaked literally every little thing we know. like my issues were like... chris' main point was vilifying bryce & i for targeting him, but like, that happened AFTER loris slept. and??? they had a plan since i lost immunity to split on bryce/rhys. like yeah be mad at me for the shadiness of the mitch vote per se (albeit it not being super shady imo), but like... call that out initially. don't act like im in the wrong for the vote TONIGHT when the alliance was always so cliquey. then chloe got... idk. arrogant? like i snapped at her (wrongly so) but my annoyance with her is not deep, its just that she is like 'oh yalls voted me' but its like... ok. we thought you leaked. and even if you didnt (which she didnt), they legittttt WERE VOTING BRYCE ANYWAY LIKE . IT DOESNT MATTER. STOP VICTIMIZING YOURSELF. YOU WERE SHADY YOURSELF. but i cant be too mad because they didnt know about the 8 person alliance (supposedly) and i suppose with the info they DID have, they made a good decision. though still dumb i hate it but its my fault too who cares im perfect. jared is just so slimey. and stephen like??? saying 'i said to u dont fk me and you immediately snitch to bryce' BUT YOU HAD A PLAN TO BLINDSIDE ME AND MY ALLIES LIKEEEE STOP JUST SAY YOURE SNAKEY. LIKE IM OPENLY SNAKEY. ILL SAY IT. BUT DONT VILIFY ME???? HELLO?? like its the pot calling the kettle black.

i'm overdramatic just because im IN the mood to go off. or, was. i snapped (wrongly so) tonight. i want anyone who reads this to know its not personal and i love all of u dearly but . im frustrated and i want a good edgic rating LOL

loris frustrates me because he legit is a goat. he can deny that all he wants but there is a literal 0% chance i vote him at this rate to win. i dont know why. he just.. isnt playing for himself. whats NEW. jk... love u. IM JUST frustrated.

on good news, i got a super idol. period. aint telling anyone. like i love bryce but i dont want him to expect me to use it on him because . it wont be good for my game. im playing for myself and myself only. like... period. tho i hope him and i can manage to survive a bit but i dont think thats likely.

im not reviewing this i just am writing whats in my feelings so its more authentic LOL

anyway this game was super fun. despite being stressful and straining, the call was super enjoyable and this org has been one of my favs, and this night has made it sm better. so period. no regrets, just faggotry.

________________________________________________________________

i'm a flop.

Everything seems so messy tonight. Rhys has approached me about me, him, Michael, Bryce nd Zach workin together but like... they seemed so actively against me sooooo idk what's going on there it feels like a trap. They suggested doing Chris which does kinda sound real but that could be part of the trap idk im very nervous. I just kinda said I would go along with the plan but I don't really intend to do that. I don't think Chris is the move for me this round, Rhys doesn't speak to me which is why I'm also nervous the alliance came from nowhere. To my knowledge the votes are gonna be split 3-3-3 in case of an idol, which I hope gets flushed. Idols make me nervy. Hell I didn't even know Jared had an idol that fucking snake, but it's fine cause he played it on me.

(((((aj note --- this confessional above is obviously from last round but its 2am and i want to go to sleep so idk))))))))

________________________________________________________________

Last night was an absolute mess and I feel I missed a lot of what went on so I need to watch the post tribal live stream to see if I can try to make more sense of what went down. So far I gathered Jared is a snake, we been knew and Bryce is a leaker. However the leaking shit got pinned on me YET AGAIN. WHY THE FUCK DO THESE BITCH ASS HOES KEEP PINNING SHIT ON ME. FUCK U BRYCE

I just, everything's a mess. All the alliances i doubt are going to work, Jared isnt long for this game, me or Stephen may follow him out, and the rest will likely see some combo of Loris/Michael/Chloe in the end. I dont know, suddenly feeling hopeless about all of this and like, pretty unhappy at the moment. I knew it would be hard but like I literally am struggle to have clear thoughts and with this and outside life factors I'm just feeling lost at the moment.

hi i'm less mad so ignore my above confessional LOL. thank u for tuning in.

except u loris. baaa louder.

Whew hunny last night exposed a lot of fake ass bitches but we really been knew they’re fake. I’m feeling confident about the next few rounds because I think people see myself and Chloe as numbers and people they need to bring on board to make plans work. Part of my strategy this game is to sit back and let the bigger players come in and try and make the big moves everyone wants to feel like they’re making a difference and everyone wants to build their resume by making big moves and as long as I can maintain my threat level I think I’ll be safe and I can have a bit of Influence in the game as people scramble for my vote.

WELL! That was an interesting tribal!

Shortly before tribal, it came out that a secret group of 5 was made to blindside Chris. (Zach/Bryce/Rhys/Michael/Chloe)

I obviously didn't want that to happen, and neither did Chris or Jared. Bryce leaked it to Jared, and Jared told me and Chris. I made the INDEPENDENT decision to confront Zach about this, because I'm not asking for permission to make moves sorry. The only issue is that Zach immediately went to Bryce, even though I asked him not to fuck me. Bryce went to Jared and Chris, and they went back to me. WELP! That just hurts my strategic relationship with Zach even more than the vote already would have.

Chloe and Michael were doing what they could to keep the votes off Chloe, luckily, my move with Zach ensured that they failed! WOO!

I don't want to make the same mistake as Matt though. I may have a decent majority now, but I don't want to burn my bridges with Zach and Bryce. I stayed out of the drama last night (mostly) and I'm gonna keep talking game with them. I might not be able to fully repair things totally but I'm confident I can do better than the other 5.

I'm gonna go over my relationships with the remaining castaways since there's finally a small enough number for me to feel like doing that:

Chris: My closest ally, we tell each other basically everything. I'm worried about going to Final Tribal with him though. He's played well in every facet of the game and literally won "Who do you want to see win" in Touchy Subjects. If I don't get a chance to take him out at the end, I think I can mount a strong argument against him. but I'd only feel comfortable making that move if I was already immune and definitely going to Final Tribal.

Jared: My second(?) closest ally, though I now know he has kept a TONNNN of secrets from me and on top of that he's a threat to win. Luckily, with all the info coming out from last round, I don't think I'll need to worry about Jared being at Final Tribal.

Loris: With Rhys gone, Loris has officially taken the title of "person I kinda wanna maybe side with but he's talked about voting me out so we're not cool". I kinda wanna weaken Bryce and Zach (or maybe vote them both out) before taking a shot against him, I just hope he doesn't realize I know he's after me until it's too late.

Michael: I really don't know where I stand with Michael LMAO! He voted with us last round but never informed us about the plan to get Chris out. He said he was "going to" but I don't believe that for a second. In fact, I think if Chris hadn't revealed what Bryce had leaked there's a chance he may have gone through with it.

Chloe: I kinda love Chloe. I wish I never accidentally turned the majority alliance against her. She's fun to hang around with AND someone I think I could beat in the end. It's like a win-win. Except I don't think she wants me anywhere near the end.

Zach: Out of the 3 people out of the loop at the last vote my relationship with Zach was the strongest. That having been said, neither of us were really sharing much information with each other after Mitch left and I feel like there's really not much further we can go together. Him and Bryce are both good options to be targeted at this vote.

Bryce: While I've personally known it for quite some time, for Bryce to outright say he didn't want to me in an alliance with me is kind of the most red a red flag can be. If I have it my way, Bryce will be the next person voted out. Granted, I'm saying all of this before immunity results and real strategic talks can begin, so my mind might change, but it's not likely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPS6OykNvh0 its so sad im going home tldr: im gone chris can say 1000 words but if they all mean nothing whats the point. jared ruined  my trust in people forever. chloe is a goat hypocrite who aggravates me. stephen is alright not good not bad. rhys is my king and im so sad hes gone i legit love that man. zach is fake. michael is annoying. loris is being a goat but who cares. omg me taking 0 blame for anything bad that happened to me? more likely than u think!!

hi! so. I think I can win this game. my intentions for a while have been to get out someone I don’t see working with personally, rhys, and then attempt a flip on jared/stephen. i also very much have wanted to turn on Chris because I believe me and him are playing similarly in that we have positioned ourself well into the middle, and going to the end with someone who’s basically played the same game but more well-polished is not a good idea! i wanted to get myself this immunity so that I could talk to people about flipping without risk of being ratted and then voted out, which was almost what happened to chloe last round. im also starting to become aware of how me never attending tribal is making me fall under the radar in a way?? everyone is fighting each other and arguably making situations worse for themselves by giving an answer straight away, for example, bryce declaring his f2 with Jared in the call. though people can still slander me while I’m not there, what they say cannot be dwelled on for too long because I’m not there, putting me in a more favourable position than some of the other people here? I think? that someone said that I was playing the middle last tribal council and well.. they’re right so oops.

my ideal path to the end would be stephen and jared leaving the next rounds, and then Chris, although the order does not concern me right now. then I would be at final 5 with Bryce zach chloe and michael and then whoever isn’t immune out of bryce and zach can be voted out. perry. and then I’m gonna have to pray to god I win final immunity OR Michael or Chloe do but like that doesn’t feel likely to me. AND THEN I WIN!!!

ALSO. im in the final 7. I just need to survive one more round and then I’m guaranteed final 5... because no way in hell im playing that legacy on someone  else.. I am not letting THAT happen again.

Me nd Michael been talking, nd we’ve wanted to make a move for a bit now but crazy shit keeps happening. We needed to take down Rhys and break up the Rhys/Bryce/Zach trio so Bryce nd Zach are more useable. Now we planning on flipping on Jared/Chris/Stephen. My current target would be Jared because as much as I trust him and adore him I think he’s definitely running this bitch. Then Loris decides he also wants to flip nd he tells Michael that he wanted to exclude me but JOKES ON U LORIS I WAS ALREADY PLANNING ON FLIPPING U DUMB FUCK. Which was kinda obvious he was planning on excluding me cause Zach and Michael both messaged me about it and I knew Loris was involved in the flipping but he hadn’t messaged me about it sooooo. Don’t test me Loris I’ll make u be voted next.

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#FuckLoris

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GRIT YOUR TEETH, PULL YOUR HAIR, PAINT THE WALLS BLACK AND SCREAM FUCK THIS CAST CAUSE ITS MY GAME AND IM GONNA TAKE IT BACK 

So tonight the plan me chloe and loris are sailing to the majority alliance that voted together last time is that the votes will be spilt. And they will be but we won’t be joining we will be switching to Jared and eliminating the biggest threat in the game at this point. From there I’m thinking of flipping to take out zach or Bryce and continuing on the game switching to control the power in the game.

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Part of the beauty of this move to blindside Jared is that a lot of the blame for the flip is shared amongst both Chloe and Loris paired with Bryce and Zach being bigger threats means that my name will most likely still be out of peoples mouth I just have some major damage control to do to stop Stephen/Chris teaming up with Zach/Bryce and creating a 4-3.

A lot has happened.

Bryce and I's F2 imploded because of me, and even though we reconciled today I don't think I can truly work with him again. Best I can do is try to secure his jury vote.

I have deals with Stephen Chris Michael and Chloe, Loris will hopefully fall by the wayside next round.

The plan this time was to get Michael onside in PMs and gauge his interest for voting out Zach, reinforcing the "this is our shield strategy." He did the work from there. Yeet!

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Jared is voted out 5-2-1. He becomes the fifth member of our jury.

Watch Jared’s exit interview take place below:

June 22

I never put much into these answers so this time I will... (my birthday!) 100 questions 1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? Sort of. His name is R and I like him but I hate relationships so we flirt and talk while I basically screw other people behind his back. I know I'm a shitty human¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? I don't really know. I mean it was my mother so I kind of have too. But I don't feel like I did. But I also love her and she's been so much better so it's a work in progress. 3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow? " it is, and always will be, a cat!! 4: What’s something you really want right now? For 2am because that is when I get to fuck B 5: Are you afraid of falling in love? Absolutely 6: Do you like the beach? Probably my favorite place in the world 7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yeah... this one kid J and my sister S as always. 8: What’s the background on your cell? An old picture of the rain on the window by a ton of lights 9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? Hehe. Mine, my moms, B, and C 10: Do you like your phone? Eh, yeah I like it to communicate but I sometimes feel addicted too and I hate that! 11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Nope. Not even mother fucking close. 12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? I don't even remember. It was someone from drivers ed 13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Neither, lab dog or blue heeler 14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional. Thats why they created Anastasia 15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Art museum. Animals stay the same, art always changes no matter where u go. 16: Are you tired? Real gangstas don't sleep. Lol. Meh always kind of feel half dead 17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Always 18: Are they a relative? Duh 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Never 20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? This night😉 21: If you knew the right person, would you marry them today? Nope, and even in my 30s nope. I am against marriage for me obviously 22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Possibly 23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? 0 24: Is there a certain quote you live by? No not really. A few really inspire me though 25: What’s on your mind? Dead bodies. As morbid as that is. 26: Do you have any tattoos? Not yet but soon hopefully 27: What is your favorite color? Grey. Because it's the color of the sky and the ocean early in the morning when it's quiet. It's the color of bodies when cold or the life sucked out of them. 28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips. Probably soon I've kinda been hoeing around 29: Who are you texting? Zeke, Jordan, and Stacie 30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Nope 31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Alot of the time 32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yup Yorkie and dawsy poo 33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I highly doubt it. I am anti social as fuck 34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yeah 35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? Gross get a room 36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Yup 37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Yeah we chill 38: What do your friends call you? Corri 39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? Meh 40: Have you ever cried over a text? Yuppers 41: Where’s your last bruise located? Thigh 42: What is it from? Punching myself 43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Does this second still count? 44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Stacie 45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? Meh my comfy ones which is technically 3 pairs lol 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? Sometimes 47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Depends. If it was for cancer recognization or gender rules yes. 48: Do you make supper for your family Sometimes 49: Does your bedroom have a door? Uh duh 50: Top 3 web-pages? Insta, Google cause I have a lot of questions, and texting 51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? Yeah 52: Does anything on your body hurt? My stomach a little 53: Are goodbyes hard for you? Depends 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Coffee most likely lol 55: How is your hair? messy but soon to be dyed 56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Check my phone as sad as that is lmao 57: Do you think two people can last forever? Never 58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? Yeah I was 6 59: Green or purple grapes? Both 60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? Idk 61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? I answered this above. Yes 62: When will be the next time you text someone? After I am done with this 63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? Outside walking most likely 64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. Getting almond milk for my coffee 65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? I think Tom but probably not 66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Meh depends 67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Yeah 68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? There's no way I'm gonna stay awake to hangout with B 69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yup. Story of my life lmao 70: How many windows are open on your computer? 0 71: How many fingers do you have? 10? 72: What is your ringtone? Idk 73: How old will you be in 5 months? 16 and a half 74: Where is your Mum right now? Shower 75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? Because its for the best. Trust me 76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? Uh yeah 77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Some yes. Or at least friendly with 78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Uh I think Jonah idk 79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? Yup 80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Yes 81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? Ahaha well technically only 1 but I've been atracted to a few 82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Yeah 83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? No sadly because the only person I kinda like I don't have their number or anything 84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Stacie 85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? As long as is wasn't meth 86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? I dont go to movies often 87: Who was your last received call from? Stacie 88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Yeah I would get a dead one. Boom bitches 89: What is something you wish you had more of? Money for traveling and college 90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? Yup 91: Do you sleep with your window open? Yesss 92: Do you get along with girls? Kinda 93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Nah 94: Does sex mean love? Heck no 95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? ehehe definately not a problem😉 96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Yeah my ex E 97: Did you sleep alone this week? Well no I slept with my sister and brother since we share a room 98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Meh sorta 99: Do you believe in love at first sight? Heck no 100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? I don't even remember lol

update / and also a vent. 

soooo im sorta back?? idk ive been wanting to keep going bc of the reviews you guys left on BCD last time and for some reason comments kept coming in and since i get notifications thru my email, i do see them. they dont go unnoticed. i apologize for the long break if you actually did like the fic and if youre new to the fic, im a bad updater!!! but things did get hectic.

so here come the sad personal issues i dealt with if you really want a reason why i havent updated in so long.

start of vent/explaination: i started college a year ago and as fun as it is, its a little stressful. especially when finals roll around, i basically had a breakdown while i was studying lmao its actually kinda funny. i was doing homework and studying nonstop for 3 hours. i was proud of myself and i thought ‘im gonna get some coffee bc im proud’ and so i left everything on the floor and drove to the nearest starbucks. when i got home, i got into my room and somehow, my large coffee drink slipped out of my hand and spilled all over my floor, papers, and homework. first i started laughing bc the irony was too much then i started crying when i was getting towels to clean it up. so that was a taste of what i did in my break. i also got into a relationship and surprise surprise, it wasnt a healthy relationship. he would guilt trip me constantly, threaten to do something to himself if i left, beat himself up and say “i’m a bad person, i hate myself” if i gave him one criticism about our relationship, flirt with other girls and tell me he was just joking, and i felt so guilty that i sacrificed family time, friend time, and my own personal time to go be with him. i would see him every single night and come home at my curfew which is 2am. so i never had my own time to do things i liked and i bent backwards to please someone who never deserved it for 6 months. in retrospect, i shouldve left sooner but i did care about him and i didnt want him to hurt himself. but i became severely depressed in our relationship and i had no motivation. when i did have my own time, i wouldnt use it to do anything but sleep and play video games. i constantly felt exhausted and i was overly emotional, which was why i didnt want to update anymore. im sorry if it seems like im making excuses and im really not looking for pity. thats the last thing i want. i just never discussed this with anyone and it feels good to let it out. side story about ex: i told him i was gonna see twenty one pilots and he made me feel guilty about that too even tho he knows theyre my favorite band lmao i considered not going bc of how bad he made me feel.

end of vent/explaination

TL;DR a lot of shit happened & im stupid, i got depressed and had no motivation to continue the story.

but with the breaks i have inbetween classes, ive decided to use that time to stay on campus and write the story rather than waste gas and go home for an hour and have to go back to my campus. hopefully this remains consistent!!