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#it's probably been done before but i couldn't help myself
thelov3lybookworm · 2 days
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Mine? (part 4)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Summary: He just wants to talk.
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A/n: we love short chapters... right?
anyways, enjoy!
(dividers by @saradika-graphics)
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Y/n tensed, staring back into the grey eyes she used to be in love with.
How did he know she was here?
She glanced at Nash, who held Adelaide close to himself.
No, he wouldn't do that.
Y/n thought about it for a moment as she stood.
Did he tail us?
Her eyes widened when she realised that he had, in fact, been tailing her.
But he wouldn't meet her eyes, locked on the babe in his brother's arms, his gaze accusing.
"You knew?" His voice was calm, calculated as he looked at the other two brothers, who simply stared at their feet. "You all knew."
"Gray-" Nash began, his face serious, but Grayson cut him off.
"Get out."
"What do you mean get out? We're staying here-" Jameson complained, standing as he glared at Grayson. All the while, Y/n watched, a pit in her stomach.
"I want to talk to her. Take the baby, and get out."
Y/n could feel all their eyes on her, but she only stared back at Grayson.
"Y/n?" Nash mumbled, and Y/n gave him a curt nod.
"I'll be fine." She glanced once at him and Adelaide meaningfully, who was drooling over the collar of his shirt.
Nash gestured at Xander and Jameson to get out, which they did, leaving Grayson alone in the room with Y/n as they locked the door behind him.
Y/n sighed, settling back in the armchair she occupied. "What did you want to talk about?"
He stared at her, his eyes hard, before stalking forward.
"I just want to know. Why did you leave?"
Y/n’s eyebrows rose.
"Are you seriously asking me that?"
Grayson was not amused, his jaw clenching as if he was trying not to lose his temper as he walked towards the fireplace mantle and leaned against it.
"Yes, Y/n, I am seriously asking you that."
Y/n laughed, the sound void of humour. "Why did I leave, Grayson? Besides the fact that you thought that night was a mistake?"
"So you left because I told you that it was a bad idea to fuck my friend? Well, forgive me for not realising how sensitive you are and that you couldn't understand why it was wrong."
Tears stung her eyes as Y/n stared at him, the dark, empty place in her chest that was filled with resentment and sadness, the place that once overflowed with her love for him, filling with anger at the way he tried to downplay what he had done.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down because she didn’t trust herself to not slap him to a pulp.
"Why do you think I let you touch me that night, Grayson?" She didn’t let him answer. "It was because I genuinely was in love with you. And maybe a little delusional, considering I thought you might actually have moved on from Emily and Eve and decided, to, I don't know, be a sensible human being. But boy was I wrong."
"Y/n-"
"No, Grayson. You don’t get to interrupt me. You wanted to know why I left, so you better zip it and listen."
His mouth closed with an audible click as she stood, tears now pooling in her eyes.
"I watched you be so hopelessly in love with so many people Grayson, watched as you got your heart broken by each one of them. First Emily, then Avery, then Eve. all the while I burned for you. All the while I was right there, waiting for you to realise that you didn’t have to be alone."
Y/n sniffed, taking a step towards him, her eyes unwavering as he straightened. "That night, when we made a mistake, you were just using me to get over Eve. you did not care that you hurt my feelings. You just wanted to have what you couldn’t get from her. And right after, you tell me it was a mistake. How could I stay after that, Grayson?"
He swallowed. "I’m sorry-"
"How could I stay, knowing that when you found out that a life was growing inside of me because of your mistake, you would probably just leave me to take care of a child you helped create by myself? Knowing that you would be disappointed and probably ask me to terminate?"
Y/n continued to step closer to him, watching his reaction closely, tears beginning to leak down her face as she whispered in his face. "How could I stay, knowing that in the off chance that you wanted to be in the life of my daughter, there was a possibility that you would turn out just like your father?"
His eyes flashed, and with their close proximity, Y/n could see the silver lining his eyes. But she did not care. He deserved to feel the pain that she went through. He deserved to know that it was because of him she went into hiding.
"I wouldn't have abandoned you two had I known, and you know damn well that I wouldn’t have turned out like him."
Y/n smirked. "Do I now?"
"You could’ve told me Y/n. You know how much I value family. You knew, and still you ran off."
The anger that surged in her veins was quick to overpower any sense of self she had, and she moved before she realised what she was doing.
The loud crack was satisfying still, and the red handprint left on his cheek was enough to soothe her wounds.
"Maybe instead of telling me how stupid I was in not informing you, you should ask your mother why she thought she could make decisions for you."
His head snapped back to her, his eyes wide.
"My- Skye?" Y/n watched as a tear made its way down his cheek. "She knew?"
Y/n laughed. "Of course she did. Did you really think I would put my daughters future in jeopardy by keeping her away from her father just because I wanted to be petty?"
He stayed silent, gazing into Y/n’s eyes. "Did she tell you to stay away from me?" He leaned in. "How much did she have to pay to buy your silence?"
His voice was harsh, taunting.
"Nothing. I was not about to risk the lives of my family and daughter by going against her wishes" Y/n mumbled, taking a step back, ready to leave.
He blinked, shock evident in his gaze. "She threatened to…"
"Yes, Grayson. She threatened to wipe out my entire family, as well as my then unborn child if I even dared to hint at you that I was pregnant."
All the harshness bled from his face, leaving behind a vulnerable boy who was hurt more than he should have been at his age. "What would she gain-"
The door clicked open. "Y/n?"
She turned to look at Xander, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. "Yes?"
"It’s Adelaide. She’s been crying for the past ten minutes. I think she’s hungry."
Y/n nodded, and with one last glance at Grayson, who stared at his brother with panic in his eyes, followed Xander out.
She knew he wanted to talk more, but she was done with the conversation.
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The Inheritance Games Taglist: @dahliawarner
Mine taglist: @aaronwarnerobsessedmylove @blocked-zombieartist @lillycore @lanterns-and-daydreams
@bubybubsters @berryzxx @riddlesb1tch
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pelipper · 10 months
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i sure do love me some sport ball 🥵 
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dredshirtroberts · 6 months
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yeah guys idk I'm just thinking maybe the lightheadedness and desire to sit down about halfway through putting away groceries my whole life might not have just been a reaction to the way my parents were when i was a kid and the accompanying anxiety and sudden flurry of movement, but also possibly maybe i have a Health Thing about this...
#thank god i finally scheduled that doctor's appointment#Jan 15 cannot come quickly enough tbh#like i've streamlined getting shit put away and i hurry as soon as the wooziness starts hitting because i know i'm on borrowed time#and that's when the trauma reaction kicks in of ''i can't stop halfway through i'll be in trouble'' anxiety#because i *enjoy* putting away groceries and organizing the kitchen#i just also can't without a lot of assistance and plenty of spoons and time to prepare myself physically and mentally beforehand#this post brought to you by i had this realization doing the groceries and now i'm having like a lot of thoughts about it#i can't do it all in one go ever and i have never been able to without someone else handling about half of it#no matter how much i get or of what i can only get about half put away before time's up and i gotta sit down#it's why so much of my food was non-perishable when i was on my own#cause i'd get the cold things put away because they *had* to be#and then i couldn't physically do any more - especially if the groceries that week were more cold than non-perishable#but like yeah if i had to stop or take a break in putting away the groceries (despite also having gone to the grocery store#and walked around the whole store and grabbed items AND carried the heavy things into the house because i was the heavy lifter#AND i was in sports and had probably either just done a lot of exercise or was still in recovery from the day before/earlier that day)#i got fussed at for not helping out#so that's fucked up and fuck my mom actually she sucks#ugh
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mrfoox · 2 years
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Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?
#miranda talking shit#Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ...#I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown#Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao#25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol)#And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental#Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is#Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if#My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100#And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...)#Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first#Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember#Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was#That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you#Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when#It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me#Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others#Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ?#Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse#Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop#Negative
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pibsboots · 4 months
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I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.
Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.
It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.
When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.
Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.
Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.
I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.
But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.
With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.
If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.
Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.
Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.
Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.
It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.
All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.
There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.
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pathologicalreid · 19 days
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gemini | S.R.
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two emotionally wrought people collide at a wedding, and a sexual escapade ensues.
part two
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: smut (18+ mdni) content warnings: softdom!spencer, use of the term "good girl" (i couldn't help myself), unprotected sex, reader on bc, alcohol, spoilers for 14x15 truth or dare, lowkey idiots in love, fucking against a wall?, fingering, heavy petting, r has an oral fixation, r is wearing a dress and makeup, explicit consent (hot), public sex, i think that's all word count: 3.42k a/n: this is a little self-indulgent and i don't care! based on literally just the first line of the song gemini by del water gap. probably not ever gonna get a part two. i've never done angsty smut (smangst?) before, so this was fun.
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so, here's the setting, we met fucked up at a wedding
Swirling the drink you held in your hand, you watched your friends as they chatted. The pink liquid in the cup, concocted by Penelope Garcia, was far too sweet for your taste, but you needed the liquid courage to make it through the wedding.
It wasn’t that you weren’t happy for Krystall and Dave. It was that weddings oftentimes left a bitter taste in your mouth – one so bitter that not even Penelope’s drink could offset it.
In your periphery, you saw a blur of purple in the corner, looking up to see Spencer. His hand still bandaged from his most recent brush with death, he used his free one to grip a glass of water. Raising your eyebrows, you gave him your best attempt at a smile before you greeted him, “You look good, Dr. Reid.”
He was fully donned in his favorite color, and you tried to pretend that you didn’t notice that your dress matched the purple hue of his suit. “Thanks,” he said shortly, not quite meeting your eyes.
Noting the way he was looking past you, you demurely leaned your head down, glancing over your shoulder so that you could see what he was looking at, only to see JJ. She looked gorgeous in her red dress, laughing at something her husband said before her eyes caught something.
She was staring back at Spencer, and not for the first time, you found yourself wondering what happened in that pawn shop. Bringing your eyes back up to Reid, you watched the confused look in his eyes bloom as he peeled his eyes away from JJ.
Sick of it, you spoke up, “Alright, I had dibs on being the mopey one tonight. What’s wrong?” You had wanted to brush it off as long-lasting nerves from the hostage situation, but he was acting strange.
You knew you weren’t his best friend, that was a title that JJ had been the reigning champion of since the beginning of time. Yet, you still noticed the rigidity in Spencer’s shoulders as he displayed a clear discomfort with his surroundings. You tried to think of something to say to him. How could you ask him if he wanted to get out of here without it sounding like a sexual proposition?
“JJ told me she loved me,” he said, his voice so low you weren’t even sure you had heard him correctly.
Your head snapped up, “Oh.” Swallowing thickly, you tilted your head curiously, letting loose hair tumble to the side. “Do you love her?” Likely not the right conversation for the wedding of everyone’s favorite right-person-wrong-time couple, but you were desperate for a rope to pull yourself out of your wallowing.
He took a sip of his water before setting the empty glass on the bar counter, “I did.” The admission hit you like a ton of bricks, until her continued, “but now…”
Filling in the blanks, you shrugged, “She’s married. They have kids.” Spencer was always doing the right thing, so pushing his feelings aside for the sake of JJ’s family made the most sense.
Furrowing his brows, he pondered this for a moment before speaking, “It’s not just that. I have feelings for someone else.”
“Oh,” you repeated, and somehow the thought of him being in love with an unfamiliar figure hurt more than him being in love with your mutual friend.
The both of you let the conversation lag, watching as Penelope came back up to the bar and poured more drinks. After she accused you of being boring for not wanting another drink, everyone returned to the tables. “Have you dated anyone since him?”
You choked on your newly acquired water, cupping your hand underneath your jaw in an attempt to stop water from getting on your dress. “Uh, no. I’ve kind of sworn off dating ever since,” you replied, shaking your hand out and letting water droplets fall to the floor.
Sighing, you slouched in your seat, remembering that all you’d ever be was a jaded bride. Left by your fiancé on the day of your wedding, doomed to never love again. Until you met Spencer Reid.
“For everyone?” Spencer asked, and you cursed his natural curiosity.
His question caught you off guard. Despite yourself, you shook your head, “I have like… one person who, if they asked me, I’d say yes.” Your skin started to feel warm, and you weren’t sure if it was your proximity to him or Penelope’s drink coming back with a vengeance.
Spencer stepped a little closer to you, leaning casually on the counter as if he wasn’t affecting your ability to focus. “Who’s your person?” The question was innocent enough that it made your heart ache.
“It doesn’t matter, he’s into someone else,” you told him, reaching behind your neck to pull your hair up, haphazardly twisting it. You didn’t have a hair tie, so you let the locks fall once you felt some semblance of relief.
This statement seemingly bothered Spencer because he looked into his glass, “Did he tell you that?”
Nodding, you chewed on the inside of your lip. “Yeah,” maybe not in so many words, Spencer was rarely crass enough to say he was into someone, but you understood well enough.
The conversation lagged between the two of you once again, your own private thoughts were only interrupted when the music changed. It was a slow song, one for the couples of the night to dance to.
You took a chance, “Do you want to go explore the building with me? It’s getting stuffy in here,” you said, taking one final swig of your water before jumping up from your stool.
He looked back at JJ, who was there with Will, and then forward to the girl who was asking to take him away, “Yes.”
David Rossi had spared no expense for his second wedding to his third wife, and the manor that you found yourself meandering within felt never-ending. Something about following Spencer as he led the way and told you facts about the history of the building felt so normal, and you wondered if it would hurt when the night was over. Maybe this would just end as another memory to loathe about weddings.
Trailing him into another room, you stumbled into his back. Quickly, Spencer spun back and caught you before you could fall to the ground.
Steadying yourself, your heart thrummed at the way he was touching you, tightly holding your waist so that you wouldn’t trip. Once you were no longer wobbling, Spencer reached up and gingerly lifted the fallen spaghetti strap of your dress back over your shoulder. Before you had fully thought out your actions, you leaned up on your tip toes and kissed him.
It was hesitant and gentle, but once you registered that you were kissing him you soon realized that he was kissing you back. What started out as a small peck on the lips quickly morphed into full, open-mouthed kisses.
You thought Spencer might eat you alive, and for a moment, you thought you might let him.
Without separating your lips, he herded you over to the wall, pinning your hips to the wall as you felt heat grow between your legs.
Pulling at your bottom lip with his teeth, Spencer pulled away ever so slightly, your faces just inches apart. “Is this okay?” He asked you, his eyes flickering down to your lips like he was holding himself back from kissing you again.
There was fear. A fear that if you moved forward tonight, nothing would ever be the same, but you took a chance  and nodded quickly, “Yes.”
Your answer acted as a release as Spencer dropped his head back down and the two of you reattached your lips. Despite your attempts to ignore it, you felt his hardened length pressing into you through several layers of clothes.
Twisting your head away, you gasped as Spencer took the opportunity to place his lips on your neck, gently suckling on the tender skin as you tried to catch your breath. “Are you sure about this?” You breathed, running your hands underneath his suit jacket, wanting nothing more than to push it off of him.
“Yes,” he answered, giving you the same consent that you had already given him, and it was enough for you to reach for his belt buckle. No matter how badly you wanted to see him entirely bare in front of you, this just wasn’t the place for it.
Gently, you slid your hand down his front, savoring the way his breath hitched against your neck as your fingertips precariously lifted the waistband of his boxers. He gently nipped at your earlobe as you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock.
You let your head fall backward, allowing him better access to your neck as you moved your hand. Moving your hand up so that you could swipe your thumb over the tip.
You dragged your other hand down, pulling his boxers down so that you could get a good look at what you were working with, and biting your lip at the sight of it. Slowly, you started to pump his impressive length, noting how his breathing patterns changed with your movements.
Dragging a knuckle up the underside of him, he dropped his head to your shoulder as you collected his pre-cum on your index finger on your way up, bringing your hand up to your mouth and licking the droplet off, peering up at him.
“You’re so good at that, baby,” he told you, sighing as he reached up and placed his hand on the side of your neck, skimming his thumb over your jawline as his free hand started to make its way up your dress, pausing when he only met bare skin. “No underwear?” He questioned, furrowing his brow at you as you bit your lip, trying to refrain from pressing into his hand.
Whimpering almost indiscriminately, you shook your head, “Couldn’t, panty lines would show under the dress.”
Spencer hummed in recognition, moving his hand up to cup your sex so that you could feel your own wetness on his hand. A pathetic whine escaped your throat as your walls clenched with need, still stopping yourself from grinding on his hand. “What do you need?” He asked, a teasing lilt in his voice, “Come on, you can tell me.”
“You, please,” you answered, your voice dangerously bordering on pleading. “Your hands, anything,” you squeaked out, breathing heavily as you awaited his next move.
Gently, he slipped a finger inside your wet hole, causing you to release a satisfied sigh. “You’re so wet,” he whispered in your ear as you tilted your head back and pressed your lips to his.
As his hand picked up in pace, so did your breathing. With each movement of his hand, you struggled to keep your volume at a respectable level, small whimpers continued escaping you even as you bit down on the inside of your lip. “Spence,” you whined, moaning aloud as he slipped a second finger into you, “Oh, god.”
The silence of the room around you only exacerbated the wet sounds that were emanating from your sex, and if it didn’t feel so good, you might’ve been embarrassed. In fact, as you felt a familiar coil winding in your abdomen, you found that you didn’t have the capacity to feel anything other than pleasure.
Crying out, you nodded as Spencer continued to thrust his fingers in and out of you, “Fuck,” you said, caring less about your volume levels. Even less so when he responded by pressing the heel of his hand against your clit, the pressure proving to be enough to send you over the edge.
“It’s okay,” Spencer whispered in your ear, “Let it go for me, baby.” His words continued as you felt your walls spasming around his fingers, his ministrations had slowed, but he worked you through your orgasm before withdrawing his fingers and lifting them up to your mouth.
Accepting the invitation, you leaned forward and sucked the sweet juices off of his hand, slipping your tongue between his two fingers as you looked up at him. You half expected him to be watching you with lust-blown eyes, but he was watching you just as attentively as he had when you started this escapade.
He retrieved his fingers from your mouth with a satisfying pop and reached down to ruche the fabric of your dress up around your waist. “Wait,” he said suddenly, gripping the silky cloth, “I don’t have a condom.”
Your eyes widened and you shook your head, “I don’t mind.” Still breathing heavy from your previous orgasm, you shook your head again, “I mean. I’m on birth control – and I’m good at it. I mean I keep up with it.” Now babbling, you hoped he’d say something. “I’m clean. I trust you.”
Nodding in understanding, he placed a hand on the side of your neck and looked at you intently. “I’m not going to do anything until you catch your breath,” he told you, taking up an authoritative tone.
Blinking rapidly, you evened out your breathing as he ran his hand up and down your torso, “I’m sorry,” you whispered, taking another deep breath as you looked up at him.
Spencer shook his head, “Don’t be sorry.” He leaned his head down, pressing soft kisses down the side of your neck as you finally pushed his jacket off of his shoulders. “You’re so pretty,” he murmured, leaning down to grip the backs of your thighs.
“It’s okay if you can’t lift me,” you rambled quickly, getting his attention as you aired your concern.
He raised his eyebrows expectantly, pressing his hips into yours and lifting your feet off of the ground. The leverage that he had, along with the support of the wall behind him, allowed him to get both of your feet off of the ground. You would’ve spent more time being impressed by this feat if you weren’t so distracted by his painfully hard cock that had now slipped between your folds.
Leaning down, you desperately kissed his lips, wanting him to give you those open-mouthed kisses that you had started out with. Instead, you cried out when, without warning, his full length slipped into you.
Placing gentle kisses on your collarbone, Spencer murmured, “Are you okay?” He whispered, seeming like he was using all of his self-control to just stay still.
You nodded, feeling his cock throbbing so deep in you that you were almost afraid you’d come from just that pressure alone. “Been a while,” you murmured, taking a deep, shaky breath.
He hummed in understanding, “I’ve got you, take your time.”
His words filled your stomach with butterflies, and it wasn’t just because he was fully sheathed in you. “Spence,” you whimpered, “Move.”
On your cue, Spencer gave a tentative thrust, permitting your resulting moan to mix with his grunt. “Fuck, baby,” he said, continuing to thrust in and out of your cunt, filling the room with the crude squelching of your actions. “I’m not going to last long,” he informed you.
Throwing your head back in ecstasy, you moaned helplessly when Spencer dropped one of your legs to the ground, hooking his arm underneath your other knee, providing a new, deeper angle. You swore as the sensations started to feel overwhelming.
The new angle gave him more control over his movements, enabling him to use his free hand to pull at your breast through the fabric of your dress. As you tugged gently at his hair, you tilted your head back, “Spence, I- shit,” you cursed, recognizing the tell-tale signs of your second orgasm approaching.
If it weren’t for his words of encouragement, you would’ve been embarrassed by coming too quickly, and if anything, the words only spurred you closer to the finish line. “Come for me,” he said, thrusting harder into you as he tried to reach the same point. “Let me know how good I make you feel,” he said, continuing his thrusts until his hips stuttered.
“Coming,” you whimpered, dropping your head forward onto his shoulder as you felt your walls tightening around his hard length. Crying out as he continued to pound into you, you buried your face into his neck and nipped at the skin to muffle your sounds.
Now he was solely working toward his own orgasm, having given you two of your own. “You’re such a good girl,” he panted.
Suckling gently at the skin on his neck – not hard enough to leave a mark, you littered kisses on his sensitive skin. “Come in me, baby,” you murmured, trying to spur him on.
Your success was apparent as his movements faltered and his cock started throbbing, feeling the pulses of his cum as it filled you, your eyes rolled back at the feeling while Spencer slowed to a halt, waiting for a beat before he pulled out of you entirely.
Shuddering at the emptiness you now felt, you leaned against the wall once both of your feet were on the ground. As your legs trembled, you watched as Spencer crouched to fish something out of his jacket, leaving you with your mixture of fluids running down your legs.
As he grabbed the handkerchief from his breast pocket, you gasped slightly as you realized his intentions. “Spence, you’ll ruin it,” you insisted.
“Would you rather go back out there with my cum dripping down your thighs?” He asked, knelt in front of you with his brows raised in mock innocence.
Swallowing thickly, you shook your head, “Jesus.”
He chuckled, using the handkerchief to wipe up the mess the two of you had made on your legs before carelessly tossing it into a nearby trashcan. Noting the way your legs were still shaking, he lifted your chin ever so slightly, “Are you alright?”
Nodding, you offered him a tired, but genuine smile. “I’m great,” you told him, wiping underneath your eyes where you were sure there was a mess of mascara.
Taking your hand in his, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, Spencer led to toward the French doors that led to the balcony, taking you out into the fresh air.
As you leaned up against the railing, Spencer shook out his jacket and draped it over your shoulders, doing his best to keep you comfortable. “Hey,” you whispered, “I really am fine. Are you? How’s your hand?” In all of the hormones, you had forgotten about his injury.
Spencer nodded, looking over the property that Rossi had rented. “I’m good, Y/N. I feel good.” You wished he’d call you baby again, but maybe that was too much to ask for. His eyebrows furrowed.
“What are you thinking about?” You asked him, recognizing the look from years of working together.
He hummed, reaching up and sweeping a strand of hair off of your forehead. “That guy? The one who told you he’s into someone else? I can confidently say he’s an idiot.”
Flushing, you smiled to yourself at the fact that Spencer was calling himself an idiot, especially when he was anything but. Shrugging, you waved him off anyway, “Nobody’s perfect, Spence.”
“No, I suppose not, but even so…” he told you, allowing his voice to trail off like he wasn’t totally sure what he wanted to say to you. “If he can’t see what’s right in front of him, then maybe you need to turn your attention elsewhere.”
Sighing, you leaned your chin in your hand, “Thanks, but I don’t know. Maybe there is better out there, and I’m just not worth it.” No, after tonight, you’d likely never get over him. It might’ve started as a workplace crush, but you felt in your heart that it was now something deeper.
Spencer shook his head, “Now, that’s where we disagree.”
“Spencer, I can’t-“ Your voice is cut off when you hear someone calling your name from inside the building, smoothing out the front of your dress one more time, you step back into the room, coming face to face with JJ.
She smiles in recognition of you, but the grin immediately fades from her face when Spencer walks out behind you, “Hey, we’ve been looking for you guys,” she said flatly. “They’re about to cut the cake.”
Nodding, you took another quick look at Spencer before following the blonde out of the room, leaving your secret in the room behind you.
part two
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Guilty || Billy the Kid x oc!reader
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Summary: For the longest time you've felt like you have always been second to your older sister, Dulcinea. That however, soon changes when an outlaw, William H. Bonney—known to many as Billy the Kid—comes to town.
Warnings: smut!
Wc: 2,930
A/n: please send through more requests for Billy please! also the smut scene is lowkey inspired by the bathroom scene in euphoria season 2 with nate and cassie....
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Divider by @pommecita
"I'm Billy. I just wanted to introduce myself," You hear a man spoke as you near the door. Your sister lets out a small scoff, "Well that is not a very good reason to ambush someone in the street," Dulcinea quipped.
"You have another motive," You hear your sister say as you press yourself against the door to listen more closely to the conversation. "I'd like to see you again," At his words, your eyes widen. Who was this mysterious man? "Why?" And there was a gap of silence.
You stepped out from your previous spot as all eyes were now on you. "Are we ready to go?" You ask your sister as she gives one final look to the man named Billy. You take your chance to look the man up and down.
He was a very good-looking cowboy. Your eyes roam around his body before you snap out of it as your name was called out, "Sofía, let's go” Billy watches you, his lips parting as he drinks in your appearance, he put two and two together and figured you were Dulcinea's sister.
You looked very similar to Dulcinea, more prettier perhaps in his opinion. Billy tips his hat slightly to you as you give him a small smile before walking towards the carriage. Dulcinea stares at you as you sit beside her, she slams the door shut and the carriage begins to move.
You couldn't help but look back to where Billy still stood. "Don't even think about it," Your sister firmly says as you roll your eyes. She was directly telling you to back off with Billy. Something that she has always done with every guy you and her have come across.
While Dulcinea was looking away, you sneaked a look and found Billy looking straight at you. Your cheeks begin to warm up as you send him a little wave to which he smiles before mounting his horse.
The next day, you decided to accompany your maid into town to buy a few things. You were secretly hoping to see that man again, Billy was his name. He looked unfamiliar to you, so you wanted to find out more about him.
"Isabel, have you heard of a Billy here?" You ask her as you inspect an apple in your hand. There was no response from the older woman. Isabel continued to look through the assortments of fruits laid out in front. "Isabel." You put the apple down as she sighs.
"Yes. I know of a Billy. And you should stay away from him, he is bad news, mi hija." She shakes her head whilst muttering incoherent words under her breath. Your eyes suddenly begin to look around, hopeful that you would get a glimpse of him. And you did.
He was across the street, tying his horse to the post. "I'll be back," You didn't bother waiting for a response before you pick up the fabrics of your dress and walk across the street.
You stop when you see your family carriage pull up in front of him, your view of him blocked. You furrow your eyes in confusion as to who else came into town. Mother and father were away and only you and Isabel left the house this morning, which meant that it was your sister.
What was she doing here? Dulcinea said she had no interest coming into town today saying she was too busy. Just as quickly as the carriage came, it quickly left. Billy's eyes were glued onto the carriage before his eyes begin to wander around, eventually landing on you.
You probably looked strange just standing in the middle of the streets, staring at him. Billy freezes slightly, his eyes looking you up and down. A smile makes it onto his face before he tips his hat at you once again.
"Sofía!" You move your attention away from Billy and see a friend of yours, Lucía, walking your direction, a huge grin plastered on her face. "What are you doing here?" She gives you a funny look as you clear your throat, your eyes flickering to where Billy was, only to find his figure disappearing into the building.
"I'm shopping, with Isabel." You give her a smile. "And where is she?" Lucía looks around as she links arms with you. "Right this way," You say as you walk with her. "Do you know of a man named Billy?" You suddenly ask her.
She would know. She knows basically everything about everyone in town. "Billy?" She says to herself, "I've heard of that name, can you tell me what he looks like?" Lucía looks at you.
"Well he's tall. Very tall. He looks like he's my sister's age. Brown hair, blue eyes and- oh- very good looking," You jokingly fan yourself as Lucía laughs, you joining along.
You stop in your tracks when you see Billy mounting his horse. You quickly nudge Lucía, "Look! There he is, that's the man I was telling you about," You cock your head over to where Billy was. Lucía's mouth hangs open, her eyes moving from him to you. "What?" You raise an eyebrow at her weird behaviour.
"You're talking about Billy? That Billy?!" Her voice begins to become louder as you slap your hand over her mouth. "Shh! He can probably hear you," You whisper yell at her as the two of you watch Billy ride off.
"So you know him?" You ask your friend as she gives you the 'really' look. "Of course I know him! Everyone in this county knows about him, except for you apparently," Lucía shakes her head. "What? Why? Who is he?"
Confusion was etched into your face as Lucía facepalms herself. "Sofía, haven't you heard of Billy the Kid? The famous outlaw that has been travelling from town to town? Surely you have heard of him, mi amiga."
Now that you thought about it, his name was familiar to you. You recall your parents talking him at home, but it never clicked in your head that that was the Billy they were talking about. "Yeah, I have," You kick a rock infront of you, your eyes watching where it lands. "Why do you wanna know about him anyways?" She asks you as you shrug.
"Dulcinea was talking to him last night, just got curious, that's all." Lucía didn’t buy it one bit but chose to leave it alone. “You’re not wrong you know,” She breaks the silence as you turn your head to her, a puzzled look on your face.
“About Billy being attractive,” She cracks a shy smile before you nudge her and the two of you start laughing out loud. “Sofía! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on, hurry up.” The old woman scolds you, pushing you towards your carriage as Lucía chuckles, waving you goodbye.
~
You couldn't stop thinking about him. How could you not? The fact that he was a notorious outlaw further fueled the fire that was ablaze in the lower pit of your stomach. A sudden knock at the front door of your house made you pause your train of thoughts.
You were slightly confused at the idea of a visitor today. Mother and father were gone and you weren't expecting anyone over. You stand still in your spot before you hear footsteps leaving Dulcinea's room. Quickly walking out of your room, you grab ahold of your older sister's arm.
"Who's here?" You ask her and a smile you knew all to well crept onto her face. "Billy. Remember that guy you saw a two nights ago? I invited him over," She says nonchalantly. Your eyebrows crease in bewilderment.
"You know who exactly he is right, Dulcie?" Her nickname slips out of your mouth as she faces you front on, arms crossed. "Yes, I do, Sof," She points her chin up the tiniest bit, something she did whenever she was questioned.
"Then what the hell is he doing on our doorstep? Father would kill you if he ever found out that an outlaw stepped foot into our house-" "Which is why you will keep quiet." Dulcinea interrupts you, her tone sharp. You could see it in her eyes, rage brewing.
You loudly scoff, examining her features. "You know father would never allow it, plus, you already have someone you’re forced to marry soon," You narrow your eyes at her as she rolls hers. "Oh please, father will come around. Billy is not what people perceive him to be. I think father will like him," Is all she says as she turns around, making her way to the front door.
You exhale from your mouth before you make your way back to your room. You were dying to see Billy, but knowing Dulcinea, she would not let you be in the same room with him because you knew she liked him. And whoever Dulcinea liked, was off-limits to you, her innocent, little sister.
For the next couple of hours, you entertained yourself in your room. It was late at night when you figured that Billy had already left. You walked out of your bedroom, turning the corner before you collide with somebody.
You lose balance and readied yourself for the harsh impact but you were pulled back up by your forearms. "Fuck- I'm so sorry, sweetheart-" "It's fine. It's fine." You screw your eyes shut knowing whose voice it belonged to as you blew a loose strand of hair out of your face.
"What are you doing?" You ask him, your eyes looking around for any sign of your sister. "I- uh was 'bout to leave," Your lips form an 'o' before you slowly nod your head, silence following.
Your eyes were on everything but him. And his eyes were on you, studying your features that were similar to Dulcinea in some ways. "You're real pretty aren't cha, doll?" Your eyes snap to his after the pet name he just gave you, your mind slightly going blank before you process his comment.
"Am I?" Your voice dripped with playfulness as you tilt your head at him. You knew damn well Dulcinea could walk this way at any moment and see the two of you; she would let hell loose. "Mhm, prettier than your sister, I'd say. But don't go telling her I told you that." He winks as you furiously blush.
Your eyes falter down to your dress as you adjust the skirts of it slightly. "Y'know, I actually wanted to talk to you when I saw you in town earlier today," Billy's words make you look up at him.
"Really? Why didn't you?" You tilt your head at him as he kisses his teeth before opening his mouth, "Your sister, had me occupied for a bit and when I saw you, you were talkin' to someone else." He shrugs as you slowly nod.
"Well, I'm right here. What did you wanna talk about, Billy?" Your voice all of sudden was quiet. Billy smiled in satisfaction at his effect. "You uh- married?" He steps closer to you as he slightly cranes his neck to study your features.
You gulp. "N-no," You shake your head. He slowly nods his head, tucking his hands in his pockets. "You seein' anyone?" He asks, though his tone had a tinge of possessiveness in it. "No." Billy stares at you, his mind all over the place.
You were only 2 years younger than him but surely such a pretty, respectable, young lady like yourself would be married off to someone already, or seeing someone at least. "Good," He mutters as you couldn't help but smile. "Why's that, Mr. Bonney?" He looks around before he does something that catches you off guard. He grabbed your jaw and kisses your lips. Hard. You take a second to process what was happening.
He was kissing your so feverishly as if you were going to disappear. You stumble back at his rough force before he leads you down the hallway, his lips never leaving yours for a second. "The door on the left," You manage to say in between the kisses as he pulls you into your room.
Hands frantic, Billy skillfully undid the laces of your dress yanking it down to expose your chest as he wets his lips at the sight. He barely got your dress off before his hand grabbed your thigh and wrapped it around his waist.
He pushed you back against the door as you gasp, his mouth latching on to your nipples, your head thrown back at the sensation. Your hands toyed with Billy's hair as you tried containing your moans knowing your sister was still in the house.
"Don't keep quiet darlin'" He says against your skin before you feel him ripping your underwear. Your jaw dropped but you soon let out a loud moan as he slid into you. He groans against your neck, allowing you to adjust at the size, and when you do, he pumps into you at an almost inhumane speed.
You let out quiet moans as Billy grunts. Your hair was all messed up from being pushed up against the wooden door. "Oh my- Billy-" You breathed out, pushing him further into you with the heels of your foot around his waist.
""Fuckkk, feel so good baby" He grunts in you ear as you couldn't help but smile. A sudden knock on the door made you gasp in terror. Billy slapped his hand over your mouth at lightning speed to shut you up. "Sofía?" Dulcinea calls out from behind the door, another knock.
You stare wide eyed at Billy who quietly curses. "Sofía, are you in there?" Your sisters calls out for the second time as you panic. "Y-yeah?" Your voice was shaky. If Dulcinea found out that you fucked Billy, it would be over for you.
Although you were more free to do things than your older sister, you don't think your parents would be too happy to know their youngest daughter had sex with an outlaw, in their house. And you don't think Dulcinea would ever forgive you. She must be serious with Billy since she invited him over, something she never did with any of the previous guys.
"Why is the door lock?" The door handle rattles as you shut your eyes, feeling the tears coming. "Uh just a s-second! I'm changing!" You call out to her. Billy gently lets you down, zipping his pants as you attempt to tidy your appearance but fail miserably when the laces on your dress become tangled.
"Billy! Help me!" You whisper yell as tears were brimming your eyes. Billy's features soften when he sees you, quickly untangling the lace. In a matter of seconds, it was undone. He cupped your face in his big hands, your cheeks wet from tears.
"Shh, don't cry, sweetheart," He hushed, wiping your tears as you cover your mouth to quieten the sob that escapes. "She's my sister, she'll kill me!" Your voice was shaky as he pulls you into his chest, his hand in your hair.
"Sofía!" Dulcinea yells out, banging on the door as you flinch. You pull back from Billy as your eyes look around your room for a place to hide Billy. Settling on the panel room divider you push him behind it, "Wait here until she leaves, then you can sneak out of the window." You quickly say as he nods.
Before you turn back around, he grabs your hand. "Hey- it's okay," He assures you, his hand caressing your cheek as you slowly nod. "Finally!" Dulcinea exclaims as you didn't dare to make eye contact with her. She takes in your appearance.
"You okay? You look like you just ran a marathon," She raises an eyebrow as she touches your forehead but you pull back, a confused expression on her face.
"I'm fine, I just don't feel well." You gulp, tucking the loose strands of hair behind your ears, clearing your throat. "Right... Go tell Isabel and she'll give you something." Dulcinea says, you could tell she wasn't fully buying it.
"What did you want me for?" You finally meet her sharp eyes, "Oh. Have you seen Billy around? His horse is still outside and he was supposed to leave about an hour ago," She folds her arms, leaning against your door as her eyes wander around your room.
You clear your throat, slightly moving in front of her to block her view. "No, I haven't seen him. He probably went to take a look at the other horses in the stable," You lie through your teeth as your sister stares at you suspiciously.
"Okay," She says as you discreetly let out a sigh of relief. She gives you one final look before pushing herself off of the frame and walks down the hallway. You shut your door, locking it just as Billy comes up to you making you jump.
"I think you should go," You say to him. His hands rest on your shoulders, "I wanna see you again," He says softly, lifting your chin up to look him in the eyes. "Me too," You smile before he leans down to place a final kiss on your lips.
"What about tomorrow? Come see me in town," He suggests as you open your window. "I'd like that," You both smile at each other as he readies himself to leave. Just as he leaves through your window, he tips his hat at you. "Bye, Sofía," "Bye Billy," You chuckle lightly before he leaves and you shut your window.
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lgbtlunaverse · 1 month
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This page from the adventurer's bible makes me want to cry
Like basically any neurodivergent dungeon meshi fan, I see a lot of myself in the Touden siblings. But I was blindsided by just how much I suddenly related to Falin in this little comic from the adventure bible's complete version.
It's about the Touden siblings' differing relationships with their parents, and why Laios still holds their treatment of Falin against them, while Falin herself doesn't.
We know that Falin was isolated and ostraziced by their village after she saved Laios from a ghost, displaying her uncanny affinity for magic. Her parents, instead of defending her, sent her away, which angered Laios so much he ran way himself before Falin even left for magic school, hoping to make a living so he and Falin could live together alone.
He tells Marcile this, but when she goes to Falin, she says she sees things differently. Her father sent her to magic school to protect her form the rest of the village without having to cause a conflict. He didn't explain that, and we actually see her burst into tears when he says it.
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But, well... Laios was gone for a year before Falin went to magic school, and everyone else in the village avoided her. The understanding Falin has with her parents to me looks like one borne out of necessity, she literally didn't have anyone else to talk to.
And this is where we get to the page that made me want to cry
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Like I said, I relate to the Toudens because I'm neurodivergent myself. that feeling of suddenly realizing you're disliked, but not knowing what you did wrong or what you should have done instead? Yeah... that's one I recognize.
When I was around 9 years old, the same age Falin is in this comic, a bunch of kids in my class decided to make a "game" where you lost if you touched me. It was basically the 'cheese-touch' from diary of a wimpy kid, except I always had it and couldn't pass it along. They'd pretend I was poisonous or disgusting and run away from me screaming or gagging. The point was to make fun of me. But my autistic little 9 year old ass thought "Oh I get it! It's tag but I'm always it!" So I... played along. Running at a boy and having him fall on the ground screaming in fake pain because you tapped him is, in isolation, pretty funny.
It wasn't until months into the "game" that I realized it was meant to be meanspirited. That the reason I was the one who was always 'it' wasn't an arbritrary rule but the whole point. Because I was weird and gross. I wasn't in on the joke, I was the punchline.
Falin may have come to understand her parents' intentions, but she didn't always. The adventure bible actually tells us that she at first didn't even notice that the rest of their village disliked her. She clearly knows now, but she had to be told. So when her mom tried to exorcise her, she just saw it as an activity she got to do with a mother she usually didn't get to spend much time with because of her poor health. It's only Laios who notices something is wrong.
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(Sidenote, Laios being hyper-aware of people's poor attitudes towards Falin but completely blindsided when he's in the same spot, like with Toshiro, is also very relatable as an eldest sibling)
It probably also took Falin months, until after her brother had left and she had no one but her parents, to realize why her mother had been doing all those things.
And I know they're not the same. Even misguidedly, Falin's mom was trying to help her, not make fun of her like those boys in my class. (Though, as a queer person who also cares a lot about the queercoding in Falin's storyline, a parent trying to 'exorcise' their child of a fundamental part of them the parent thinks is evil or corruptive? yeah... that's not perfectly wholesome)
But do you know what I did, when I finally figured out the game was always meant to make fun of me?
To me, it looked like I had a choice.
See, those boys eventually figured out I didn't understand that they were being mean to me. I'd laugh every time I managed to catch one of them, I was visibly having fun. And while it no doubt only made me more of a weirdo in their eyes, they never informed me that I shouldn't be enjoying myself. That the point was for me to feel hurt.
So now that I did know, I had a choice. I could either get upset, and let the insult land as it was supposed to. That wouldn't stop them, because making fun of me was the original goal. Or I could ignore it and go on as usual. They had already accepted that I didn't get it, and they weren't gona stop me from having fun, so why should I?
And the thing is that I had... one friend, in that whole class. One person who actually liked talking to me and hanging out with me. I was lonely. And the 'game' provided me with another social interaction, mean-spirited as it was, that I desperately needed. And it was so delightfully simple. Navigating actual friendships as a kid with autism and adhd was so fucking complicated, and I'd never know when I might break an inivisble rule. But I knew the rules to the game perfectly!
Sometimes, if I was chasing one of them, the others would trap him and hold him down so I could tap him. In those moments it actually did kind of feel like I was playing with them, rather than against them. And it didn't change much, they didnt start actually liking me. But they were willing to roll with the fact that I wasn't upset, and I took advantage of that because I needed to.
So you can look at Falin seeing the best in her parents as her being naïve, but I look at this page and I see myself, at first unable to differentiate between playing and being made fun of. And then later, when I did see the difference, deciding not to get mad about it because that'd mean losing that social interaction, and I couldn't afford to.
Like I said, Falin probably first realized this in the year she spent with her brother gone, and everyone else avoiding her like the plague. If she refused to talk to her parents, like Laios did, she'd have no one left.
I see a lot of people relating to the fight between Laios and Toshiro. that frustration when you realize someone you thougth was your friend actually hates you, and they never said anything, never gave you a chance to fix it because you had no idea that you were even doing something wrong! And I can see that, too. But sometimes, when people don't fully hate you, it feels better to go along with the pretending. Because adressing it won't fix it. Because the problem isn't a specific behaviour, it's you. And if they're willing to tolerate you, despite the fact that it's you, then you'll take it. Because other people do hate you, so this is the best you'll get.
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Anyway I know it's calculated on his part, he knows I was startin to fantasise about runnin away n doesn't wanna risk it now that he can't stop me but
I still really really like the way he's changed the language around me. Much less of him owning me n instead me belonging to him. Sometimes belonging with him. It's not a big change but it makes me feel a lot less like an object.
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kyleoreillylover · 7 months
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𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 🖤
Dominik Mysterio x Fem!Bloodline!Reader
“Let me take care of you, sweetheart.” + “Take out your anger on me. I can handle it."
Summary: Your family is pissing you off, and Dominik is more than happy to let you take your anger out on him.
A/N: Dominik brain rot is real and this is the result of it (this took so long 😭) and was inspired by the gif below. This is my first smut and probably my last, so please be nice! Hope you enjoy!
Word Count: 6,016
Warnings: SMUT!! Cursing, family drama.
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You sighed as you rubbed your temples, closing your eyes for a moment and feeling the incoming headache about to come as the room got louder and louder with anger. You opened your eyes to see Roman and Jimmy still arguing, yelling and getting closer and closer to each other. Jey was sitting in the corner, jaw clenched as he let them get into it. Solo was standing next to you, keeping a watchful eye on them in case things got out of hand. Your eyes met, and you can tell by the look in his eye he was done with all this shit too.
Why couldn't they talk this out like men instead of acting like children? You thought, rolling your eyes. You snapped out of your thoughts when Jimmy pushed Roman into the corner, all of you quickly getting up to separate them.
"You guys need to stop this!" You shouted angrily as you and Jey held Jimmy back, Solo trying to calm Roman down but to no avail.
"No, he needs to stop being a manipulative asshole! Apologize for losing? Acting like you wouldn't have lost without our help. My help. I ain't apologizing for shit, ‘Tribal Chief'!"
"Jimmy, chill out!" Jey tried, but Roman's laugh echoed throughout the room, and Jimmy tried to get out of our grips.
"Nah, let him run his mouth. You don't see your brothers acting like this, huh? Or your sister? You know why they aren't acting like this? Because they know that I am right, they know that you disgraced everybody. You disgraced this family, your ancestors, your legacy, and me, your Tribal Chief. You need to apologize for them, but most importantly, you will apologize to me."
"I ain't apologizing for anything! You wouldn't have even been Tribal Chief if it weren't for us, uce! You were a disgrace until we helped you get to the top! So if I am gonna apologize to anyone, I'ma apologize to myself for helping you get there in the first place!" Jimmy spat out, nostrils flaring as he clenched his fists, continuing to try and break out of our grip. You felt all the patience slip out of you in that very moment and you snapped, grabbing Jimmy’s shirt and pushing against the wall.
"You all need to shut the fuck up!" You screamed, Jimmy becoming lax in your grip with a look of shock on his face, the others quiet in shock as well. Finally, they shut up.
“You need to put your ego’s in check and start acting like men instead of acting like children!” You yelled furiously, scowling at them.
"He needs to-" Jimmy began, but you gave him a glare that could kill and he shut his mouth.
"You both need to stop trying to be right and start talking to each other like grown ass people. You need to stop holding grudges and let shit go. " You hissed, letting him go and turning towards Roman.
"And you need to keep your 'Tribal Chief' ego in check and stop crapping on people just because things don't go to plan." You snapped at him.
"Uce, calm down." Jey made his way towards you, trying to quell your anger before you said something Roman would make you regret, but you gave him a look and he backed away. You couldn't care less about Roman right now, he needed to hear the truth.
"Calm down? Are you kidding me?" You scoffed in disbelief.
"Don't you see what's happening? You're giving everybody what they want. They want to see us crumble, want to see our dominance fall so they could rise and take our top spot here."
You looked at Jimmy, seeing his face turn from anger to a mixture of embarrasment and relization."You're feeding into Sami and Kevin, letting them get in your heads. Why do you think they keep digging and digging? Because they want to keep those titles, and your basically ensuring they win by engaging with their stupid bullshit!"
You turned to Roman, who was stunned silent for the first time in a while. He had rarely seen you angry, even when you were kids. You were always the moral compass for the group, keeping their moral up with your caring energy. But you thought that now they needed the hard truth instead of caring words.
"And you need to stop letting your ego cloud your morals. Just because we're family doesn't mean you get a pass to be an asshole." Roman met your challenged gaze, still silent but didn't look as angry as before. Solo stood next to him, a stunned look on his usually stone-cold face as he watched you rip everybody to shreds with a tone you usually reserved for your rivals.
"You all are out of your mind if you think I'm letting everything I worked hard for go to waste because you don't want to get along. Get it together the next time I see you, I'm getting some air." You casted everyone a look before grabbing your jacket, slipping it on and leaving the room.
You franticly sped out of the arena, needing to just breathe and feel the cool night air on your skin. The fans were long gone by this time, so you didn't need to worry about being spotted. You sat on a bench, putting your head in your hands and trying to breathe through the haze of anger you felt suffocating you and coursing through your veins.
"Trouble in paradise?" You snapped out of your daze, already knowing who it was and not bothering to pick your head back up.
"Shut up, Dominik. I'm not in the mood." You mumbled loudly enough for him to hear. You heard him laugh, not taking you seriously. "Ooh, the full name this time. What happened to Dom? Am I in trouble?"
You picked your head up, glaring at him. "I said I'm not in the mood. Leave me alone and find someone else to bother."
He stopped laughing, realizing you weren't joking. "What happened?"
"None of your concern. Are you deaf? Leave. me. alone." You made a move to stand up, but he pushed you back down gently, sitting down next to you.
"Can you not be annoying for once and actually listen to me?" You spat at him, trying to stand up again but he grabbed your waist, restraining you.
"What happened?" He repeated, seeing your eyes glazed with anger. He had never seen you this mad outside of the ring before, and it made him unnerved for it to be directed at him. You were usually playful with him, sometimes having mean banter with your character work but you both didn't mean any of it. But you were never like this.
"Family business." You finally answered him, short and clipped. You tried looking away from him but he gently grabbed your cheek.
"Look at me, mi corazon." You tried to ignore the way the pet name made your stomach tighten with butterflies and listened to him, looking deep into his eyes, distracting yourself with his brown orbs that almost made you forget about your anger. Almost.
"What did your family do?" You felt the anger rush back and you mockingly chuckled. “Jimmy and Roman keep starting arguments on literally anything instead of focusing on winning. Now everybody thinks were weak and vulnerable, even though I've done nothing but pull my weight!" You huffed out, breaking out of his grip and standing up, clenching your fists. You muttered to yourself angrily, wanting to scream, hit something, do anything to let out the frustration gnawing at you.
But Dominik stood up with you, grabbing your wrists, and yanking you back into his arms. You scowled at him, trying to pull away from him. “Let go of me!”
“Not until you breathe, mi vida.” He held your wrists in one hand and grabbed your face with the other, softly caressing your face, his heartbeat and husky smell of his cologne invading your scenes.
“Look at me, mi amor.” Dominik instructed, his brown eyes gazing into yours as you ignored the way your stomach churned everytime he spoke Spanish to you and kept trying to pull your wrists away from him. But he opted for letting go of your face, bringing your head into his chest, and you felt his hot breath near your ear as he nuzzled his head into your neck. "Cálmate, carino."
Screw him and his stupidly hot Spanish. You felt yourself melt into him, some calmness washing over you the longer you were in his arms. He let go of your wrists, and you wrapped your arms around his waist, shivering when he laid feather-light kisses onto your neck.
Dominik continued kissing your neck, loving the feeling of you in his arms and shivering under his touch. He waited for your breathing to slow down to let you go, but he wrapped an arm around your waist, not wanting you out of arms reach.
"You better now, sweetheart?" You nodded, you still felt that haze of anger but it wasn't at strong as before. "I need words, baby.”
"I'm better now, Dom." You grabbed his free hand and held it, relishing in the smile he gave you.
"I can tell now that you called me Dom." You rolled your eyes playfully at his smirk and grabbed the hand that was around your shoulder and held it, relishing in the smile he gave you.
“Do you have a ride back? Dominik asked, to which you shook your head. “I was too mad at the boys to drive with them, so I’ma just get an uber-”
“You’re riding with me.” You gave him an amused smile at his demanding tone, it was usually the other way around.
“You sure you don't need mami's permission for that?" You giggled when he yanked you closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck, his forhead leaning against yours and his lips so, so close to yours.
"You know more than anyone I don't need her permission." Dom pushed his lips onto yours, kissing away your smirk and losing himself in the taste of you. God, you were addicting.
You kissed him slowly at first-as if you wanted to torture him-and he hated and loved you for it. He groaned into your mouth when you snuck a hand up to his hair, pulling it just the way you knew he liked it and kissing him even harder, your tongue slipping into his mouth. His fingers dug into your waist almost painfully as you clung to him, his touch burning your skin in the best way and you pulled his hair harder in response.
You pulled away first, the both of you panting and out of breath. You ran your fingers through his hair, smiling brightly at him when he leaned into your touch. You felt the heat creep back up looking at him, his hair slightly touseled and his muscles showing through his dark black tee. You felt the urge to kiss him again, so you did. He laughed into your lips, letting you steal another kiss before pulling away. “I meant what I said before. I'm not letting you go into a random car by yourself in the middle of the night just because you're mad at your idiot brothers."
"They are not idiots."
"They are if they decided to make you angry." You laughed, playfully nudging him, and he grinned before brushing your hair out of your face. You looked up at him through your lashes, seeing him gaze at you with a sparkle in his eyes.
"Let me take care of you, sweetheart." You bit your lip, struggling to choose between your stubbornness or giving in to what you want. As if sensing your internal conflict, Dominik caressed your face, running his thumb over your lips, making you break out of your stupor. He smirked when you instinctively parted your lips, it’d been too long yet your bodies still remembered each other.
"Please?" You couldn't refuse him, not when he was looking at you like you were the only thing he ever wanted to think of.
"Fine, but I get to have the aux." Music was the last thing on your mind, but he didn't need to know that. At least not right now.
"Deal, but only cause you have great taste."
"You're right. I do have great taste." You eyed him up and down, winking at him and giving him a smirk that made him utterly weak for you. "Lead the way. You're driving."
The drive was quiet, music playing softly in the background as you put a hand on Dom's thigh, inching higher and higher the closer you got to the hotel. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as he tried to get himself under control. You grinned seeing him like this, letting you be in charge. You needed to release your anger and have a stress reliever, and he was more than willing to let you use him as one. It wouldn't be the first time.
Before you knew it, you were at the hotel. You kept your hands to yourself until you went into the elevator, and as soon as its doors closed, you were all over Dominik, gripping his shirt and pushing him against the wall, giving him a searing kiss.
He welcomed it, kissing you back just as hard, moaning into your mouth when you bit his lip. He grabbed your legs and hoisted you onto his waist as if you weighed nothing. You wrapped your arms around his neck, letting yourself get dizzy in his arms, letting out a whine when he slid his tongue against your lip to draw it between his teeth. Your mind switched off, and all you could do was feel feel feel. Feel his bruising grip on your legs, his lips nibbling and biting any part of your mouth he can find, the heat growing in between your legs, his muscles flexing underneath your arms as you both turned each other into a writhing mess.
Your back hit something cold, and you pushed Dom away instinctively and opened your eyes, realizing you were in front of the hotel room. He whined at the loss of contact, his mouth moving to your neck, and you groaned and arched into him when he sucked a sensitive spot behind your ear.
"Fuck, do that again." You demanded, trying to keep your voice steady as you leaned your head on the wall, giving him more access to your neck. Dom let out an airy chuckle. You were hot when you got bossy. "Whatever you want, Mamacita." He murmured into your skin, obeying and kissing that same spot, trying to distract himself from the way your whines and whimpers were going straight to his dick long enough to get his keycard and open the room.
He brought you both into the room, setting you on the bed, hovering over you, and capturing your lips with his. Any coherent thoughts he had melted away as you deepened the kiss, distracting him with your tongue hot and probing in his mouth.
You took this opportunity to roll the both of you over and switch your positions, not breaking the kiss. You laid on top of him, gripping his shoulders for balance, and grinded your hips against his, internally smirking when Dominik threw his head back, hissing. You did that again, and again and again until he gripped your hips to stop you.
“Too much?” You asked, leaning down to kiss his neck, enjoying him writhing against you. He shook his head, but he could still see the hesitation in your eyes as you stopped kissing his neck. He snuck his hands underneath your jacket and shirt, rubbing circles onto your soft skin, feeling you relax into him.
"Don't be afraid to take your anger out on me. I can handle it." You picked your head up at those words, moving off from him and giving him a questioning look, wanting to be sure he wasn't uncomfortable. He gave you a sexy smirk that had you internally melting in response, shrugging off his shirt. You took off your own, muscled chest heaving as he eyed your bloodline jacket you threw across the room.
"You'd look better in my jacket." You rose a challenging brow, taking off your bra, smirking when Dom's head snapped down to your chest. You leaned down to his ear, sneaking your hand down to his jeans. Your boobs were pressed against his chest and hot breath against his skin making him shiver. You knew just how to drive him crazy.
"Treat me right tonight and maybe I will wear it." You nipped his skin harshly and palmed his dick at the same time. A moan ripped out of him as he arched into your hand, the last strand of composure he had slipping away from him as you continued to palm him.
"Ahh, please, please...don't stop." He pleaded, the rough material of his jeans rubbing into him deliciously and your hands already felt so good. You were making him feel like he was in heaven and you'd barely even begun.
He whined when you moved your hand away, trying to buck his hips up but you pushed his hips down, giving him a glare. "Did I tell you to move?"
"I'm sorry, mi amor-" Dom tried to mutter out as an apology, but you shook your head, cutting him off.
"I'll let it slide this time, but don't do it again. Did you forget that I'm in charge tonight, mi cielo?" He shook his head, his skin heating up and dick getting harder at your words. If speaking Spanish drove you absolutely crazy, imagine how it made him feel.
"Good. Now take off your pants." He obeyed, and you moved off him so he could sit up and pull them off. Once they were off, you moved on top of him, sitting on his chest. He gave you a pleading look, hands itching to touch you. You nodded, and his lips went to suck one of your boobs, his hands massaging your other one.
"Ahh...fuck Dom." You moaned out, the heat between your thighs only intensifying at the feeling of his warm mouth and soft lips sucking on your nipple. You tangled your fingers through his soft hair, biting your lip to contain your moans so the entirety of the hotel filled with wrestlers and your friends didn't hear you. He licked and nibbled at it making you arch your back and stifle your moans. He smirked into your skin, flicked your other nipple until it hardened, before biting and sucking his way down your chest and belly, your skin on fire from his touch.
Before his hands could travel lower, you pressed your hand against his chest. He quickly pulled away once he felt you pushing him, concerned eyes scanning your body for any injury or discomfort.
"Are you okay, Hermosa? Did I hurt you?" He asked, giving you another once over before you cupped his face to stop making him worriedly look into your eyes.
“No baby, you’d never hurt me.” You gave him a comforting look, reassuring him. He looked into your eyes for anything that said otherwise, and once he found none he let out an internal sigh of relief, letting himself lean into your touch. As much of an asshole he made himself to be on TV, he never wanted to make you uncomfortable.
You smiled when he leaned into your touch, stroking his cheek. You loved seeing this side of him he only reserved for you.
“I just thought you’d like it better like this.” You pushed him until his back hit the bed, straddling him. He groaned when you hovered over his face, his lips inches away from tasting your glistening wet pussy.
“Fuck, are you trying to kill me, mami?” Dom whined out, his voice husky with need as he gripped your thighs, trying to pull you down. You held onto the headboard before he could, stopping his attempts. “Please, let me taste you, mami.” He pleaded, giving you puppy dog eyes that you would fall for in any other circumstance. But you'll give him what he wants soon enough.
“Listen to me and I will.” You smirked at how quickly he quieted down at that, nodding at you. “This night is about me. I'm in control. Don't forget that, and maybe, I'll give you a reward. You understand, baby?”
"I understand, mi amor," Dom answered, his voice almost turning into a whine as he tried to control himself from yanking you and tasting you, he didn't want to risk a punishment from you.
"Good boy.” You cooed, the nickname and your sickly sweet tone making his cock harden even more. But he didn't have time to think about it because you were lowering yourself down, sitting on his face.
Your knees buckled and you immediately let out a moan as Dom sucked your clit harshly, hungrily eating you out and groaning into your pussy, making you moan even more.
It was like an out of body experience; you didn't register the moans coming out of you as he licked and toyed with your clit, egged on by the pretty sounds coming out of you. You grinded your face against him when he licked up and down your cunt, his tongue lapping at your folds. He gripped your thighs even tighter, and let you grip his hair and use him as you pleased.
Your moans got more high pitched and shakier as he used his mouth and strong jaw to work every inch of you, holding you tighter as you squirmed against him. He could tell you were getting closer to he flicked his tongue over your clit again and again, causing you to moan loudly and thread your fingers into the sheets. "F- fuck, oh my god, don't stop, Dom." You cried out.
"I don't plan on it, baby. " He mumbled, his words muffled under your pussy. You moaned at the vibrations of his voice that felt so good against your pussy and sent shivers straight up your spine, threatening to send you over the edge. He noticed your reaction and continued to mumble incoherently as his tongue played with your clit, making you get closer and closer to your high.
You shut your eyes when the pleasure became too much, clenching the sheets even tighter as you came with loud moans that sounded like music to Dom's ears. He helped you ride out your orgasm, licking and slurping your juices up until you were gripping his hair gently and trying to push him away.
Dominik tasted your pussy one last time before coming up to kiss you, smiling against your lips. He looked so pretty, hair matted and messy, his face red and lips soaked with your cum that you could taste as he kissed you like his life depended on it.
"Do I get my reward baby?" He asked, pulling away from the heated kiss, pupils blown out with lust. You wrapped your arms around his neck, his skin breaking out in goosebumps as your lips kissed his sensitive skin, meeting his lips again.
"Of course sweetie, as long as you promise to fuck me so hard I forget everything but you."
He gave you a devilish smile that made your lower body heat up again, and in one swift move scooped you up effortlessly and turned your positions around, smirking down at your naked form.
"I promise. And you know I don't break my promises, mi corazon." His voice dropped into a low sexy whisper, eyes never leaving you like he couldn't wait- needed- to have you right then and there. He gave you one last smirk before lowering down and kissing you with intensity, with passion, like he was trying to tell you all the ways you made him high on you, how you were like a drug that he couldn't let go even if he wanted to.
And as his hands lowered down again, and found that one spot that made your eyes roll back and his cock ache when your body arched into him as if you couldn't get enough of his fingers, he knew he definitely did not want to let you go.
------------------------------------------------------------
You stirred awake gently, shifting under the sheets and feeling warmth surrounding you. Your tired limbs ached as you groggily turned, snuggling and trying to get closer to the heat, feeling a cool breath over your skin. It wasn't until you felt a soft, familiar breath against your neck that your eyes fluttered open, seeing Dominik 's face leaned in the crook of your neck, his arms wrapped around your waist tightly.
You smiled at his sleeping form that was cutely attached to you like a koala bear, like he couldn't get enough of you even while he was sleeping. You managed to move away from him just enough to get your phone from the nightstand, laughing quietly when Dom quickly pulled you back into his arms.
You snuggled back into his arms, turning on your phone and seeing the multiple missed calls and new messages you had come through from the twins, Paul and Solo, and surprisingly Rhea while your phone was silent while you and Dom were definitely the opposite. You didn't even bother opening Paul, Jimmy or Romans messages, you didn't have the energy for it.
You opened Rhea’s message first, the two of you were close but she only texted you for emergencies, so you were a bit worried.
DOM’S DOM So, did you and Dom Dom have fun last night?
You weren’t surprised. It was like she had a sixth sense for when you and Dom hooked up.
Yes, we did. I’m not even gonna ask how you know. Mami always knows sweetheart. Bit disappointed you didn’t come to my room though. I haven’t seen you in forever! I can see you later if you let me use you as a cover.. please? Can't exactly tell my brothers about Dominik, can I? You know I can’t say no to you and I can't resist seeing your cute little ass. Catch you later, princess. 🖤 Thank you! See you later babe💗
JEY<3
Yo sis, I know you still mad but I ain't asking you to talk to them, but at least let me know if you're safe or not.
You smiled at his concern, texting him back. He was one of the few in your family who didn't annoy you, aside from Solo.
Yeah, I'm good, just resting up. Just know I'm not mad at you though, just those two bozo heads. See you later <3
You then opened, and frowned, at Solo’s message.
Solo<3
So you with a guy?
There was no way he knew. You weren’t even at the same hotel?! Why and how the hell did he suspect it?
No, I was rooming with Rhea last night. Why are you asking? Just making sure you good. Roman’s kinda pissed at you. He wants to see you later. I’m good, and Roman can stay pissed for as long as he wants. I said nothing but the truth.
You shut your phone off, not wanting to think about your family acting like man children any longer.
You smiled and let out a sigh when you felt Dom trail kisses down on your neck, it was like he could read your mind. It was one the many things you loved about him; he knew what you needed before you yourself even knew. You leaned back, giving him more access to your neck, enjoying the feeling of his lips on your skin. He continued kissing your skin for a few more moments before propping himself up and meeting your eyes, a soft smile on his face as he took you in.
“You sleep well, hermosa?” He asked with that husky morning voice you always wanted to wake up to as his eyes raked over your form, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your skin.
“That was the best sleep I’ve had in a while.” You admitted, giggling at the satisfied smirk that played on his lips.
"I'm glad I could tire you out." Dom teased you, smirk widening when you leaned closer to him to kiss him. Your fingers tracing a path down his chest as you slowly kissed him, savoring the taste of morning on his lips. His arms pulled you in closer, deepening the kiss as if trying to convey all the desire that had built up during the night.
Breaking the kiss, you traced your fingers lightly along the contours of his jawline, savoring the feel of his stubble beneath your touch. He relaxed into your touch, his hazel eyes gazing at you with a knowing look.
"Your idiot family still bothering you?" Dominik treaded lightly, not wanting to ruin the mood.
You rolled your eyes at the mention of them. "They aren't idiots." You gave him a pointed look when he lifted up a brow and he raised his hands up in defense. "But yes, Roman wanted to meet up with me."
"To apologize to you, right?" Dom moved away from you and sat up when he was met with silence and a guilty look. "Don't tell me your thinking of apologizing to him, mi corazon."
"I don't know, Dom," you sighed, also sitting up and running a hand across your face. "I know Jimmy will apologize to me, he loves me too much to stay mad at me. But Roman would rather drop dead than apologize. And it'll just cause tension if we act like we are in a cold war with each other."
Your heart hurt at the look Dominik was giving you, but you didn't know what else to do except reassure him. "Trust me, it's just easier this way."
"It would be easier if you just joined Judgment Day!"
You sighed and shook your head at Dominiks words. It wasn't the first time he brought it up, and it wouldn't be the last time you refused his offer either. After all those late nights hanging out after shows at Waffle House or other rendezvous activities you'd have, with the two of you cuddled up next to each other, away from the pressure of famous families and overzealous egos, when nothing else but the moon could shine a light on your innermost thoughts, was when he would gain the courage to ask you.
You always looked like you were close to considering it, but it would turn morning and all signs of even maybe accepting it would wash away and be replaced with fear and with you bringing up Roman. And he'd drop it, but he never understood why you did. He could protect you, give you the power you wanted with the Judgment Day! Why didn't you trust him? Why were you so scared of Roman?
"You know more than anyone I can't do that, Dom."
"But you can! You want to stay at the top, we can keep you there!" Dominik insisted, running a hand through his hair frustratingly. "The guys will like you, and Rhea already loves you! We won't treat you like Roman. He treats you like—"
"Like family." you finished his sentence, a hint of bitterness in your voice and a look Dominik couldn't place on your face. "And that's why I can't leave him. At least, not right now." 
Dominik perked up at your last sentence, his eyes searching yours for a hint of understanding. "Not right now?" he questioned, hope flickering in his gaze.
You gave him a small smile, the look in your eyes telling more than words could. "Not right now."
And that was all the confirmation he needed. He didn't need to know anything else- he knew you'd handle it and come to him when the time was right.
His smile mirrored yours as you moved closer to him, your tone shifted from serious to teasing, wanting to change the tense mood. "But until then, don't get in trouble with my family. Solo already suspects us, I don't need him trying to beat your ass."
Dominik laughed, wrapping an arm around you, the tension between you two dissipating as he responded, "Baby don't worry, you know I can take him."
You gave him an amused smile and leaned into him. "Oh, is that why you were hiding behind Rhea last night?"
Dominik chuckled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I wasn't hiding behind her! I was just... checking out the best angle to hit him, y'know?"
"Mhm, whatever you say baby." You mocked him, giggling at the pout he gave you and deciding to kiss it off of him. Dominik couldn't help but smile against your lips as he deepened the kiss, his lips moving in sync with yours.
Breaking the kiss, you grinned up at him before looking up at the clock and seeing the time.
"Speaking of Rhea, I promise I would hang out with her later. So I better get out of bed before she beats me up." You barely made a move to get out of bed before Dominik whined and pulled you on top of him.
"Can't you stay here longer? She can wait." Dominik pleaded with puppy dog eyes, begging you to stay with him.
You couldn't help but smile at his puppy dog eyes and how he pulled you back onto the bed. "You're too cute, you know that?"
Dominik grinned, his arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled your neck. "So, does that mean you're staying?"
Your hands gently played with the ends of his hair, "How about this? We hop in the shower, make up for lost time, and once we're all clean and pretty, we can go grab some breakfast, and then I'll meet up with Rhea. Deal?"
Dominiks face lit up with a mischievous grin at the thought of you in the shower with him.
"Deal!" he replied enthusiastically, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. He then reluctantly let you go and climbed out of bed, extending a hand to help you up.
You accepted his hand, allowing him to pull you out of bed and lead you to the bathroom. As soon as all of your clothes were shed and the water was on, Dominik picked you up and smashed his lips onto yours, lifting you and bringing the both of you in the shower.
"Dominik... Not now." You managed to protest between kisses as the warm water cascaded over both of you. He ignored your protests in favor of the moans sputtering out of you as he trailed his lips down your neck, sucking harshly into your supple skin.
"Hermosa, I want to taste my breakfast right now." He mumbled into your skin, addicted to the blissed out expression on your face as continued kissing you, lowering himself onto his knees. He was just enamored and completely addicted to you and the hold you had on him.
And you couldn't get enough of him either, just as addicted to him as he was to you. He was just purely addictive- his personality, his charm, his aura,  just him. And as you grabbed a fistful of his hair on the back of his head and guided him right where you wanted him, you knew two things.
Rhea would kill you both after this.
And 2, that you were officially a goner for Dominik. The man who many on the roster called a snake, a manipulative, a liar, a sell out. A man who burned everything he hurt to the ground.
But you wanna know what the scary part was? That you didn't even care.
Not one bit.
And if you got burned?
You would gladly get engulfed in flames if somewhere in that fire you'd get the warmth of his love.
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barcaatthemoon · 2 months
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serial heartbreaker || leila ouhabi x reader ||
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leila comes back to barcelona after you figure out that she cheated on you in manchester.
it became obvious that something was up whenever your teammates started acting weird around you. alexia and mapi were the first, but ona, pina, and claudia quickly followed suit. ona began to outright avoid you, which hurt pretty badly. almost as badly as whenever you finally realized what was going on.
you sat with your suspicions for several weeks before they were officially confirmed. leila was careful, but she got sloppy. it was in the back of someone else's instagram stories. your eyes had zeroed in on your girlfriend making out with another girl in the background of a video that one of her teammates had shot.
it was hard not letting on that you knew anything, but you weren't nearly as good at it as you thought you were. alexia could see that you were hurting, as could more of your more perceptive teammates. the one who had shocked you was lucy, who had snapped at leila whenever she came back to spain for a visit, claiming to have missed you dearly.
"get the fuck out of here," lucy had practically growled at leila. the woman had planned on surprising you, and at lucy ruining that, leila got pissed. the two of them were at each other's throats, and it took mapi and alexia leading leila away for things to calm down a bit. you couldn't hear them at first, but soon the hallway was full of your two barcelona teammates yelling at leila in spanish. "are you okay?"
"yeah, i'm fine," you answered quietly. lucy kneeled down next to you and put her hand around your shoulders. "how long have you guys known?"
"ona told me about it a few months ago. i didn't want to have to be the one to tell you. i'm sorry for not mentioning it earlier," lucy said. you nodded as you pulled her into a hug.
"it's okay. i probably wouldn't have believed you for a while. i couldn't, leila promised she'd never do something like this," you said. lucy understood how you felt. ona had been livid with the other spanish player whenever she had found out, to the point where lucy was certain they hadn't spoken to each other since. "when do you think they'll be done? i do have to talk to leila at some point."
"just tell her to get the fuck out of here, please? i know that she means a lot to you, but you can't go back to her. ona said it herself, leila will do it again," lucy pleaded with you. if it had been anybody else, you probably would have ignored the warnings, but lucy didn't like to get involved with people's lives like this.
"i'll try to," you promised. lucy pressed a kiss to your head before she helped you up to your feet. the two of you walked over to where alexia and mapi were still tearing into leila, who looked both ashamed and angry. lucy pulled your teammates away to give you some privacy with leila.
"amor," leila started. she moved towards you, but you held your hand up to keep her away from you. "please, let me explain."
"there's nothing to explain, leila. you cheated on me, it is that simple. you can blame the distance, your loneliness, the fact that you're just so affectionate. you can say anything that you want, but that doesn't change the fact that you cheated on me," you told her. "so go ahead and explain yourself because i'd love to hear whatever bullshit you've been telling yourself, but once you're done, i want you to answer all my questions."
"i missed you, and i was angry because i told you not to come with me. you offered to come to manchester, but i told you to stay here instead. i was all alone, and it was my fault, so i took it upon myself to be less lonely. it was just hook ups at first, i swear, and then there was this girl on the training staff. we hit it off, things are going great, but she's not you," leila said. all her words did was fill you with rage. she had confirmed that this had been going on for a lot longer than you knew, and worse than that, she was still with one of the girls she had cheated with.
"get the fuck out of here. if i never see you again, it'll still be too fucking soon." you turned on your heels and walked right out of the room. leila tried to chase after you, but lucy was right there to stop her. you walked into the locker room and went straight to your locker, beginning to pack up your things to go home.
"(y/n), are you okay?" mapi asked as she sat down next to you. you weren't crying, it was far past that, but you were obviously pissed. you didn't mean to direct it at mapi, but the glare you gave her had the woman backing away from you instantly. unfortunately for you, alexia wasn't as easily scared by you.
"i'm sorry that we didn't do something before," alexia said as she pulled you into a hug. her embrace was tight and comforting, but you didn't let yourself relax. most of the girls looked away, but you could see ona standing across the room looking at you longingly. she had been avoiding you for months, and it killed her to not be by your side as your best friend.
"come here oni," you told her. she raced over towards you, both of you dissolving into fits of tears as soon as you were in each other's arms. her apologies were scrambled in between sobs and spanglish, but you knew that she meant it. still, a part of you couldn't forgive her for what happened. she had known since the beginning that leila had cheated on you, but she hadn't said anything to you.
"do you need a ride home?" alexia asked once you and ona had calmed down a little. you nodded as you picked up your bag. the team didn't miss the way that you ignored ona as she said goodbye to you. the anger you felt for leila was starting to spread around the team, and if it wasn't for the fact that you needed alexia for support, you'd probably shut her out too. "it's not an excuse, but none of us knew how to tell you about leila. you seemed so happy, and i knew she'd do this when she started talking about switching teams. i didn't think it'd get so out of hand."
"were you listening to us?" you asked. alexia nodded her head as she started driving. you knew that she wasn't taking you back to your apartment. "did you know it was with so many girls?"
"no, it's never been that many before," alexia muttered. you could see that she wasn't just angry. "you were supposed to be different for her. i believed in her not to do this again. i'm sorry, if there's anybody you should be mad at, it's me, not ona. i'm the one who knew about this pattern. don't ruin a friendship with someone who doesn't deserve to be caught in the crossfire."
"it's hard right now. all i can think about is that she knew," you admitted. alexia sighed as she squeezed your hand. "i could have done the same thing to leila, but i didn't. why did she have to do that to me?"
"sometimes, she's careless about things that she shouldn't be. she was careless with your trust. it's hard, but try not to think about her. don't give her a second thought, because eventually, the pain will subside along with your feelings for her," alexia said. you tilted your head to the side as you realized that she was speaking from experience. "do you want to be alone right now or can i come inside too?"
"don't you have practice?" you questioned. alexia shrugged.
"not if you need a shoulder to cry on," she told you. "let me know what you need, and i'll do my best to get it for you."
"i want you to come with me, and maybe, when practice is over, we can call ona," you told her. alexia nodded as she got out of the car. she got your bag for you, and for a moment, it reminded you of the way that leila had been with you in the beginning of your relationship. the only difference was that alexia didn't look at you like leila did, as if she knew that you were already head over heels for her.
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zeeislewd · 4 months
Text
Your partner catches you staring again, their lips turning down into a slight frown. They sigh, crossing their arms in a way that lets them rest their forearms on their gravid belly.
"What? Never considered I have to grow all those eggs I put in you?" They said, running a hand down their belly, all the way underneath to help support the weight. Then they noticed the way you had been staring, and not just that you had been staring and the frown started to fade, a little glint showing in their eye. They stepped forward, moving awkwardly with all the weight they carried with them. "I've never let myself grow this many before, you know? I've never let it build up for more than a week, no more than I could hide with some baggier clothes." They spoke, their voice lowering to a purr as they drew nearer to where you lay, crawling into the bed atop you, straddling you.
"I've never had someone to put these in before." There's a hunger in their voice now as you see their ovipositor begin to creep into view, brushing against your bare thigh, sliding up towards your wet cunt. Their other tentacles pull your legs apart, giving themself full access to you. They reach their hands out to yours, guiding you to hold the weight of their gravid belly, letting you feel how taut it's become with nearly a month's worth of eggs weighing them down.
"Now all they need is their mother's nice, warm womb to incubate... There's not enough space in me for them to keep growing." They say, their ovipositor starting to press itself into your waiting slit, squirming and slithering upwards as deep as it can go. You feel the familiar push against your cervix, against that place nothing should be able to reach. It doesn't even hurt now, when they push inside of your womb to claim you; it's so familiar, and you did always have a little bit of a masochistic streak, didn't you?
The eggs start to push into you, the size of tennis balls, nearly getting stuck before even entering inside; it was lucky they had a little bit of squish to them, otherwise they'd probably tear you apart just trying to fit one. The first egg always comes alone, helping prepare you, open you up to its siblings coming shortly after. Then you start feeling the intervals between eggs shorten... Maybe ten seconds at first, then five, then barely two, then they feel like a nonstop flow of eggs, of their eggs filling you.
With your hands on their belly you can feel them start to shrink back down as they turn you into their incubator once more. You can feel the shifting of the multitude inside them as each egg starts to enter their ovipositor, then into you.You can feel the weight transfer into you. They were right; they always grew larger inside you before they properly hatched, and your frame was so much smaller than theirs you were already nearly immobilized by the shear weight of their eggs. They were only a little over halfway done.
It felt like you were trapped there beneath them for minutes on end receiving their eggs. Blissful minutes, wracked with orgasm after orgasm until your mind slipped away and the only concept of time that existed was right now. Right now, being filled, being theirs. You hardly noticed when the eggs finally stopped coming, when their belly was flat and yours was so large you couldn't see the tentacles holding you past your bump. The blissful haze was so strong you could hardly form words, but they seemed to understand what you needed nonetheless, leaning down to slip their arms around you, having to settle for draping an arm over your belly for now instead.
They smiled softly at you, leaning in ever so close until you could feel the heat of their breath against your ear, and whispered.
"What a good little incubator you are."
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bigification · 2 months
Text
Spiked
Friday,
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I feel strong, but these protein shakes haven't been helping my bulk as much as I want. I'm still too skinny. Maybe I should give them more time though, I've only been taking them for a couple weeks after all. I'll try bumping it up to two a day, and I'll eat more, that should help.
I pick up my phone as I leave the gym and stare at the Grindr app. Should I? Is it fair to Dean that I keep bringing back guys to our place. This would be the fourth time this week, I think I can hold off for his sake. Anyway, I put away my phone and head back to my apartment.
"How was the workout?" Dean asked when I got home. I'm shocked, he's never really been interested in my workouts before. We used to go together before we were roommates but now that we live together, the gym is a rare activity we do apart. Besides, he hasn't really been going that much recently.
"Oh, it was good... I'm just not bulking as much as I want to." I reply.
"That must be why you got those protein shakes, huh?"
Why is he taking so much notice of this stuff now? We can share the shakes if he really wants to, he might just be trying to motivate himself to get back in the gym. But he could just ask if that's what he wants. "Ya, I'm gonna try to drink more, maybe that'll help." I say as I go to the fridge and grab one.
"That's good." Dean says in a flat tone, he usually does this when he's lost interest in a conversation.
I get distracted from the conversation anyway as I drink the shake. Something seems different about it, it's got a bit of a bitter aftertaste now. I figure it's probably just me getting tired of the taste and shrug it off.
Saturday,
I wake up in a cold sweat. This was unusual given that I get up every day at this time to go to the gym. I look to the clock and it's... 10 o'clock. Holy shit, I slept in. I'm usually at the gym by 8. I calm down a bit when I remember it's Saturday, so I have nothing to do anyway.
I roll out of bed and hobble my way to the bathroom. My head is spinning and my stomach is growling, I felt hungover. I didn't drink last night did I? I don't really remember. However, all of that leaves my mind in an instant when I look in the mirror. I rub my eyes and look again. Where do I even begin. An itchy beard now covers my face, despite the fact that I shaved yesterday morning. My sweat glistened on my distended stomach, my six pack buried under a soft bloat. My pecs are swollen and slightly rounded.
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What the fuck. My mind is trying to process what's happening, but it can't. I turn to the side and see the subtle S shape in my stomach and my ass. Was it the shake? It couldn't have been, it hasn't done shit for me in weeks and now it does this! You know what, this is fine. I pinch my stomach. It's mostly bloated, just a small layer of fat, nothing I can't work off in a couple weeks. If anything this will give me a head start on my bulk.
I throw on some of my loose gym clothes that do a decent job at hiding my physique, but I still look different. I grab my gym back and try to sneak out, I don't want Dean seeing me like this. I quickly try to rush out the door, but I stop dead in my tracks when I hear Dean.
"I didn't know you were still home, you usually leave before I get up." He says nonchalantly.
"Oh ya... I just decided to sleep in today." I pull my bag to cover my stomach.
"Okay, have fun at the gym. Nice beard by the way, when did you decide to grow it out."
"I've just been a bit lazy with shaving it, that's all." I'm sweating buckets.
"Well it looks good, you should keep it." He smiles at me.
I can feel myself blush, so I smile and get out as quickly as possible. I chug a protein shake on the way to the gym, noting that bitter aftertaste again. It's probably nothing, I have bigger issues to deal with.
Once I start my workout, I feel pretty self conscious about my body. I know no one else could know that something is off, but I still feel off. But as the workout goes on, I start feeling more and more comfortable. I start hitting more reps than I ever have before, though cardio is a bit of a slog. It doesn't matter, I feel surprisingly great. I finish off the workout great, and flex in the mirror for a bit of a confidence boost.
I drink another shake on the way home. As I get home, Dean seems to be waiting for me. He asks how my workout was again. He's acting so weird again. I decide to spend the rest of the day out, drinking the night away. I am bulking after all.
Sunday,
I wake up feeling like I got hit by a truck, with no memory of how much I drank last night. I've never felt like this after a night out though. The more I think about it, the more my mind points me to the shakes. They have to have something to do with this. I don't have time for this right now though, I have to get to the gym.
I brush my teeth and shave, I'm shocked at the beard I grew in just two days. I try throwing on some clothes, but I feel some resistance. My largest gym shirt no longer fits, there's always a sliver of skin showing and it goes past my belly button when I reach up. My shorts fit a bit better, but they hug my ass very tight. I think I'll have to buy some new clothes on the way home.
The workout goes similarly to yesterday. I start self conscious of the fact that my belly is showing and my shorts look like they're about to rip. But the worry escapes my mind when I destroy my routine. I feel so strong.
I feel great by the time my workout ends. I head to the locker room and take off my shirt. Yeesh, I have a full on beer belly now. This is no longer just a bloat, my stomach is covered in a thick layer of fat. I didn't even know you could gain this much fat in only a couple of days, and I'm not even eating that much. And what's with the beard, I shaved this morning and it's already coming back in. Although my arms are looking massive, I could even feel my sleeves stretch from my biceps when I was working out. I stare at my belly a bit as I think about what to do.
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I throw on my shirt again and head out. I pull up to a clothing store and pick out a few loose gym clothes that should fit me if I bulk even more.
"Hi, where are the change rooms." I ask an employee.
"Oh.." he pauses for a moment, looking at my belly. I notice that my shirt is riding up more than it was this morning. I instinctively cover my exposed belly with my arms and shrivel up in embarrassment.
"Just over there sir." He awkwardly points to the back of the store.
I grab a few larger clothes on the way out and leave the store as fast as humanly possible. I instinctively down another shake on the way home. Dean didn't say anything to me when I got home, but he glanced at me and then looked away. He is acting so strange.
I woke up in the middle of the night, there was a rattling coming from the kitchen. I walk out to investigate and see Dean doing something with the protein shakes. Is he secretly drinking them at night? He could just ask and I would give some to him. But I see him pour something into the shake and then close it back up again before putting them back in the fridge. What the hell? I try to think of what he could be doing. He stashes something away in the bottom of the cupboard and starts walking back to his bedroom. I quickly hide in my room until I hear his door close, and then I go back to the kitchen to investigate. I look at the protein shakes in the fridge and notice their seals have been broken, I can't believe I never noticed that. I move over to the cupboard and find a small bag with white powder in it. It looks like coke, but why the fuck would Dean put coke in my shakes. And besides, I don't think fat, muscle, and hair growth are symptoms of coke. Maybe I'll give him a taste of his own medicine. I go back to the fridge and pull out the jug of orange juice that Dean drinks every morning. I have no idea how much he put in my shakes, so I just pour a bunch in. I kind of feel like a secret agent, sneaking in a mysterious powder into his drink. I would feel worse, but he already did this to me so I'm fine ignoring my morals this time.
I head to bed, lying awake in my bed for a while. Thinking about what I just did, thinking about the results. It's making it hard to fall asleep, but I eventually do.
Monday,
I wake up feeling better than I had the past few days. I go through my normal routine, throw on my gym clothes, and grab a bite to eat. When I open the fridge, i see the orange juice and protein shakes and I'm reminded of my situation. Every morning I get a few moments of blissful ignorance before it's ripped away. I think for a bit, then grab a couple shakes and put in my bag. I'm kinda liking this new me, the strong me, and the belly is definitely growing on me. I catch my reflection in the mirror as I head out, I'm really committing to this aren't I? I ask myself as I look at the bushy beard that has engulfed my face and the belly and moobs that are unmistakable under my shirt. I smile and then head to the gym.
Every day that I spend at the gym, I get less self conscious. I almost forget about the fact that my hairy gut I exposed to the world whenever I reach up. I only care about the fact that I have been increasing the weight on my workouts every day and it feels amazing.
I take a shower and get dressed for work... Oh shit. I never bought work clothes that fit me, I'm reminded when I try in vain to button up my dress shirt. I stop by the store again and grab a couple shirts and pairs of pants. The thought of the protein shake in my car makes me think of the future, so I buy a few clothes in larger sizes too.
I barely make it to work on time. The day went by fast, but all I could remember were the stares and the comments from coworkers. "You forget to shave this morning Santa?" "Might want to lay off the doughnuts in the break room buddy." "We're concerned about your health." "Did you forget to stop bulking?" That was all I heard today. It was embarrassing at first, but it soon turned to encouraging. Each sly comment just makes me want to grow more. It honestly makes me realize how much I'm enjoying growing, and makes me even more excited to see what happens to Dean. It was hard to keep my dick in my pants today, I think the only reason no one noticed was because they were too busy staring at my gut.
I make it back home after work and dress down to my underwear first thing. Damn I am getting hairy, I run my hands through the forest of hair that has grown all over my body. As I'm doing so, an amazing idea runs through my mind. I'm gonna surprise Dean. There's no way I can hide the changes in my body regardless of how baggy my clothes are, so I'm just gonna show it off. I lay down on the couch by the front door, still only in my underwear, and I wait for him to show up.
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"I'm hom- Oh hey..." Dean stutters as he sees me.
"Hey bud, what's up." I say nonchalantly.
"Just tired from work, where are your clothes?"
"I had a crazy workout today, just figured I'd air out a bit. Ever since I started this bulk, things have really taken off for me at the gym." I say while I rub my gut. In trying my best to make him uncomfortable and it seems to be working.
"Okay, well if you need me I'll be in my room." He quickly scurries into his room.
I just chuckle to myself and continue rubbing my belly. I wonder if there's any leftovers in the fridge?
Tuesday,
Same old same old. Get out of bed, get dressed, shave, grab a shake and head to the gym.
I feel so imposing at the gym now. I think I've gotten taller, because I look down on almost every now. I have a beard and a deeper voice than I used to, and not to mention the big gut and strong biceps. I'm like the biggest guy here, and people treat me like it. Women and men stare, and people tend to let me use the machines I want. I also notice myself grunting when I work out, I wonder if the entire gym can hear it. Anyway, the point is I feel amazing. This is the first day I dropped cardio because who fucking needs it, I sure don't. Now I focus purely on mass gain. I'm tired of holding back and I don't care what other people think, I want more.
I arrived at work, rocking far more confidence than I did yesterday, and people noticed. I don't care if they stare or comment, and I don't care that my dress shirt is already too small for me. People even asked me how I gained as much muscle as it did that fast. I just tell them to eat a shit ton and drink protein shakes, but maybe once the jig is up with Dean I'll ask him how to get the powder. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing some of the men at work blow up like I did. This is not the time to think about it though, it's getting hard to hide my boner at work. The only thing hiding it when I sit down is my gut.
I get home and notice Dean is home too. He must have stayed home, I wonder if it's because of the powder. He won't seem to leave his room though, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see the results.
I just decide to change into some comfortable clothes and eat my heart out. Though I'm shocked at how small my once 'baggy' clothes are. They barely fit past my stomach, and they ride up past my belly button when I lift my arms.
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Fuck I'm getting fat. There is nothing hotter to me right now than the thought of my body growing. I make my way to the kitchen and grab a few more shakes and start chugging, feeling my dick harden with each gulp. I feel like a fucking pig, what has come over me. The shake is dribbling down my beard and onto my shirt, but I can't stop. Once I've had enough protein shakes for a lifetime, I stumble to my room and promptly fall asleep.
Wednesday,
I wake up in a pool of sweat, similar to a couple days ago. My mouth tastes awful and my body feels heavy. I question what happened last night as I roll myself out of bed. I drag myself to the bathroom and freeze in shock at my image in the mirror. Holy shit. I pull up my shirt to see a massive ball belly, covered in a thick layer of hair. I pull my shirt up further and see a pair of soft man tits that now lay on my gut. Every part of my body looks swollen, my arms, my hands, even my face looks puffy.
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I let out a loud burp that reeks of protein shake, and suddenly I remember last. I walk to the kitchen and see six empty protein shakes on the table. I chuckle in a surprisingly deep voice before opening the fridge and grabbing a shake. I down it before getting ready to head to the gym. I put on my largest gym shirt and it only reaches halfway around my gut, I try to put on my shorts but I can't get them to cover the top of my ass crack. That's alright, I don't particularly care if anyone sees, it's their fault for looking.
I spend the day at the gym enjoying all the attention from shocked gym goers. They watch in amazement or contempt as this fatass walks around like he owns the gym.
I go to work with a similar energy, though I do have a dress shirt that still barely fits me so at least I'm not half naked going to work. My clothes still leave little to my coworkers imaginations, as I confidently strut my fatass around the office.
I get home and stand in shock as I walk through the door. Is that Dean!? Across the living room stands a morbidly obese man wearing nothing but boots, a baseball cap, and a ripped towel around his waist.
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"You did this to me!" The man yells in a gruff southern accent.
"Dean, is that you?" I respond.
"Yea, you dumbass! You gave me some of that powder didn't ya." He turns to face me and reveals the damage the powder did to his body.
"Hey you did it to me first! I was only returning the favour."
"I only put I bit into your shakes, how much did'ya give me!? Look what it's done to me!" He grabs a handful of the fat on his belly, and it jiggles like jello.
"Well I didn't know how much to give you."
"And you're only s'posed to take it when you're workin out, otherwise it only grows fat and not muscle. Beside, why d'ya keep drinking it after you knew?" He asks
"Because I like me this way, it just felt good to get revenge. Why did you even do it in the first place?" I ask in return.
"Because I thought if you got fat you'd stop hooking up with so many guys, and you'd notice me. It was only s'posed to be a bit, but then you started drinkin the shakes like crazy and now look at ya." He responds in a genuine voice. I don't know what to say, so I stand silent. He grabs his phone and approaches me. "This is what I looked like 2 days ago!" He shows me a picture of himself. "I was so happy that I could finally grow a beard. Little did I know why."
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"This is what I looked like yesterday." He shows me another photo. "My hair was falling out and my hairline was receding. I woke up looking like I was pregnant, and my pants couldn't fit anymore."
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"I was so scared that I ate some of that powder, but I didn't know what to do, so I stayed in my room all day and drank nothing but orange juice. Then I woke up this morning as a bald 350 pound man. That's when I knew you put that powder in my orange juice." He seems frantic.
I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed him and kissed him. "I never realized how hot your accent is until now." I say as I pull away from the kiss, he smiles in return. In the moment, another terribly amazing idea comes to my head. I grab the bag of powder he had left on the table and pour some of the powder into his mouth before snorting some myself. He looks at me in shock for a moment before swallowing it. I smile before dragging his fatass to my tiny king sized bed.
Then next Monday,
I just hit 300 today. I still go to the gym everyday, so that keeps my gut from growing out of control. Though I have had some interesting conversations with my family since. But the shocked faces of my family when they see me and their concerned comments if my weight gain only fuels the fire. Though my dad seems to be the only one who says he likes the new me, says I look manlier. It's funny coming from the next fattest man in the family, only behind me of course.
The scale stopped working on Dean after last Thursday, but he has to be pushing 500. I really gave him an insane dose of that powder, and the more fat he got the less capable he was to workout and thus reduce the fat gained. He just sits around and pigs out all day now, and I wouldn't want him any other way. I usually bring home a few meals from a couple fast food restaurants for his first dinner, and when I feel up to it, I'll add a little bit of powder to his meal.
I'm also enjoying work far more. I told all the men at my work about the powder, and within a few days I was seeing results. Some became as fat as Dean by the end of the week, clearly they neglected the part where it said to workout while consuming the powder. Some look like me, with big arms and an even bigger belly. And some have just become muscle beasts, almost like they spent hours a day at the gym. I also feel more imposing at work, people respect me more, even if half of them are bigger than me now. It even helped me get a raise, which funds all of the fast food trips for Dean and I. One day I hope to be the big boss with a silver bushy beard and hulking gut that spills out of my suit.
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justa-dumbbear · 4 months
Text
Stank Prank
BRAAAAAP
“Whoooooo! That was a BIG ONE!”
I cringed and plugged my nose as I leaned over my paper. Brayden was at it again. He had brought his nasty friends over and was having a farting contest with them. I didn’t understand why he had to be my roommate. Why couldn't he be staying at one of the nasty frat houses or with his other jock friends? Why did I have to be the one who was forced to listen (and smell) an orchestra of farts and burps while I studied. I tried talking to the housing department about it, begging for a different roommate. I would have taken literally anybody else, but they said that there was nothing they could do. I was stuck with him. 
Ever since the day I first moved into the dorm, I had been subjected to the tortures of Brayden’s flatulence. Over time I had gotten mostly accustomed to the smell (a bucket full of air fresheners helped to keep my room mostly stench free), the sound is something I could never get used to.
BUUURRRPP
“Man that was NASTY!”
Even with my door closed, earbuds in, and focusing on studying, I couldn’t escape it. Enough was enough, I slammed open the door and stared angrily at the trio of jocks sitting on the couch and laughing their asses off.
“Look who finally came out to join us!” Brayden stood up, his massive 6’4 figure towering over me. “The nerd emerges from his cave.”
“Would it really kill you to put on some deodorant? Or maybe a visit to the doctor would be more beneficial, all of that farting and burping can’t possibly be normal.”
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“You’re disgusting.” I said bitterly, “But then again I’m not surprised, I wouldn’t expect anyone other than a group of dumb, hairy animals to smell the part.” Brayden’s two friends snickered and made overexaggerated gasping sounds. I allowed myself a bit of a smirk, maybe this’ll put that jock into his place. 
Brayden seemed unfazed by my insults. “You know, I really wish you were more like us, man. You’d be really fun to have around. Plus, you look like you could pull off some NASTY shit.” “I’d rather do anything then regress to your level.” I huffed and slammed my door shut, muffling the sounds of their laughter. 
The next evening I came back to the dorm to find the place abandoned, no sign of Brayden or his dumb friends. I sighed, finally I would be able to be alone and get some studying done in peace and quiet. I closed my bedroom door and set down my stuff. Better get started before-
BRAAAAAP
I jumped out of my seat, was that me, or was that Brayden announcing his entrance? Further inspection revealed that there was nobody at the front door, which had to mean… Before I could even begin to imagine how Brayden would have reacted if he could have heard that, I spotted something red on the chair. I walked over and picked it up, a whoopie cushion.
“Verrrrry funny, Brayden.” I said aloud. “But if you think that-” I was interrupted as a pungent smell assaulted my nostrils. The whoopie cushion, there’s no way it could have created a smell right? I squeezed it again.
BRAAAAAP
Yup, it was definitely the whoopie cushion. But how was that even possible? And how did it smell that bad? I put the whoopie cushion down on the floor. There was probably some kind of fake fart spray coating the thing. Now, back to work, I really didn’t want to waste any more quiet time before-
BUUURRRPP
“Little bro I’m back!”
Fuck.
I started walking towards the door, exams were coming up and I really needed to study so I was prepared to BEG for some silence. As I made my way across the room, I tripped over the whoopie cushion
BRAAAAAP“Whoa little bro, that was a nasty one!”
The smell tripled in intensity, as I tried to get back up to open a window, my legs gave out and I fell back down onto the cushion.
BRAAAAAP
My eyes began to water. Every inhale of the pungent stink was making me feel lightheaded. After some struggling, I managed to stand up, I felt woozy, like I had inhaled laughing gas. It was getting harder to think, so hard, why think at all? I blinked. What was I SAYING? I tried to hold my breath as I opened the door, but found myself breathing heavily as the fumes coursed through my body. I flung open the door and stumbled into- my bathroom? Wasn’t I trying to leave my room? I’m so stupid I must have gone to the wrong door by mistake, heh. What the fuck was happening? As I tried to collect my thoughts, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked… good. My arms and chest appeared bigger and more toned and I felt taller. It must the the smell making me see things there’s no way-
BRAAAAAP
That one came from me. 
BRAAAAAP
That one too. 
With each fart, I found myself getting taller, more muscular and toned. My pale computer nerd body melted away into a sporty physique. 
“Come on little bro don’t you understand? You’re no fun, so I have to make you fun. I can’t believe that whoopie cushion actually worked! But the rest is up to me now. Did you know you REEK?”
I sniffed my armpits, they smelled awful. I began searching through the cupboards for some deodorant.
“Not that you care anyways.”
BRAAAAAP
That's right, I didn’t care. I loved my smell, I lived in it. Why would I want to get rid of it?
“You love being a stinky, smelly jock”
BRAAAAAP
“A dumb, stinky, smelly jock”
BRAAAAAP
“A stupid, dumb, stinky, smelly jock.” BRAAAAAP
With each inhale I found myself agreeing with Brayden. With each fart I found my old self laving. 
BRAAAAAP
BRAAAAAP
BRAAAAAP I was always a dumb, smelly jock.
I loved being a dumb smelly jock.
I began to take off my clothes.
Being dumb is so nice, no worries, no cares.
It feels so good to reek and smell like a man.
Each time Brayden repeated it, I found myself sinking deeper. My mind completely clouded over.
So dumb, so smelly.
I walked over to the couch and lay back on it, lifting my pits to let my smell permeate the room. 
“Isn’t that so much better?” Brayden asked, “It feels so good to be stupid and smelly, just like us.”
BRAAAAAP
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Text
A while ago at work, I had a patient whose condition rapidly deteriorated during my shift, which I believed at the time was due to me not monitoring certain therapies closely enough. Essentially patient had parameters that their oxygen saturations should be between 88-92%. The patient was on supplemental oxygen via a nasal cannula, and was having oxygen saturations of 95% or more. The patient later became lethargic, confused, and hard to rouse. The patient was in hypercapnic respiratory failure, where they essentially were not exhaling enough CO2, the waste product of respirations. Patients who have oxygen parameters of 88-92% tend to be COPD patients, and I'd been taught where giving them too much oxygen can result in CO2 retention.
We ended up having to call a rapid response on that patient who needed to go on the bipap (non-invasive ventilator) to help them breathe effectively, and I went home from that shift feeling certain that I killed this person. That I had triggered a terminal decline that the patient would never recover from.
(Perhaps some context here: my grandfather went into hypercapnic respiratory failure and then died within a few days. Maybe he would have passed either way, I think probably he would have, but the respiratory failure was the moment his decline started accelerating. After he went hypercapnic, he was non-responsive from that point on.)
I called in sick to my next shift because I couldn't face going in. I spent the day thinking about what I'd done, what my moral obligations were, how do you atone for something when you cannot reverse the effects of the original error, and how paralyzed by shame I felt. What did I owe the patient? What did I owe the family? What did I owe myself? How many times had this happened before and I just didn't know because the decline happened after my shift ended?
It was a productive if unpleasant day of trying to sincerely examine myself and the things I'd done wrong without flagellating myself. It'd be almost easily to complete condemn myself and to stop nursing because I'm a Bad Nurse than it would have been to acknowledge the many steps that led to this patient outcome, only some of which I had a hand in. But this was my patient. They were my responsibility. What was the right reaction to have? What should I be feeling? In the course of doing my job, I caused harm to someone I swore to take care of. I still think that I am a thoughtful, hardworking, and compassionate nurse. I don't think the hospital would be better off if I quit. But I hurt someone.
I thought a lot about how this outcome happened, came up with steps to prevent it in the future, and found a new commitment within myself for continued learning. (If you've got a timeline of my particular fixations, this is about when my determination to go to grad school began.) I also thought about how much shame was making me sick. When my patient started declining and I realized the effects of my actions and inactions, one of my first thoughts was genuinely, "Everyone's going to know what I did." It was thought with absolute horror. I'd hurt someone and everyone was going to know it. They were going to know I was bad at my job and bad as a person.
And I was struck by what an unhelpful emotion that was. How much it made me, if only for a moment, tell NO ONE what was going on and what I believed to be the root cause. That it'd be better to let the decline continue rather than intervene because if I intervened that'd be admitting that I'd done something wrong. I didn't listen to that voice that told me to hide what I'd done, but I instantly understood the power of it.
There's this thing called the Compass of Shame which is about the different ways people handle their own feelings of shame--they avoid the shame, they withdraw from themselves and others, they attack others, they attack themselves. I know my own reactions to shame and try therefore not to go with my gut instincts, which are always to say I'm an irredeemably bad person and no one can know about this and if anyone does not about what I've done wrong, I deserve literally whatever punishment they could give me. I've had to learn I can both have failed to complete my responsibilities and still not deserve to lose my job or my flunk this class or give up on college or lose all my friends. But there is something appealing about masochistic shame. Like you can prevent others from judging and punishing you if you sufficiently judge and punish yourself. You'll still be a wretched monster, but no one else needs to know that.
That's actively dangerous for patients, who are the victims of healthcare errors, and it doesn't help prevent future mistakes if we are too ashamed to talk about what happened and why. We'll just keep fucking up in the exact same ways because no one else told us how they'd fucked up that way in the past and here's how we've changed the process because of that. I therefore have an ethical obligation to not internalize shame when I make mistakes at my job. I have tried to remember that while also trying my best to not make the same mistakes twice.
And then a week later, I was sent back to the same floor with the patient who'd declined on my watch. Because I'm a float RN and therefore don't have an assigned unit, I go to different floors every night (occasionally multiple floors on the same night). I see patients for 12 hours and then almost never see them again. Since I was back on the floor, I girded myself and went to go visit the patient, who to my surprise was alert and upright and about the same as I'd seen her at the beginning of my shift before they'd gotten bad. I said hi and asked how the patient was doing, and the answer was that patient was doing about the same as they'd been doing for the last month.
This was not good news for the patient, who was still medically complex, still dealing with an extremely difficult to address condition, but they were also not in the ICU, dying, or dead which is what I'd feared. And with the new knowledge that the patient was, if not okay, than at least stable as ever despite my actions, I could look back on that shift and see it differently, namely that this patient kept continuing to go into hypercapnic respiratory failure with or without oxygen. And then I looked into what I thought I'd been negligent about before and found that the scholarship on it was more complicated and divided than I'd thought. That the mechanism of action that I thought was driving the hypercapnic respiratory failure was in fact waaaaaaaaaaay more complicated than just over oxygenation, particularly in this patient who had a number of muscular abnormalities that made much more of an impact on ventilation than the oxygen would have. And while I still had to improve my practice, upon more reflection I could no longer say there was a direct one to one of my actions and the patient's decline.
I felt simultaneously forgiven, absolved, and humbled. I cannot describe to you the almost sheepish relief that rushed over me. Nothing that bad had happened. What did happen was only ambiguously my fault.
There's a power fantasy to shame sometimes, that you are uniquely bad and that your actions have monumental consequences. My actions on the job can have monumental consequences, but usually they are little things, little cares, little turns, little med doses, little therapies, little steps, little tasks, little jobs, little kindnesses or little cruelties that help a patient move forward or which hold a patient back. I'm there for 12 hours and never again. I can do a lot in that time, but I'm not gonna cure them and I'm probably not going to kill them. It's a relief, and it's a strange disappointment. We want to be important, even in bad ways.
While I can certainly fuck things up for patients, while I can certainly kill patients or traumatize them or withhold care or misuse my position, while I can do all those things, I don't actually have that much power over life and death. Everything that goes wrong isn't my fault. And sometimes something is your fault and nothing really happens except a few people have a bad night and you try not to do it again. I think that last bit is the most important part. I still should have titrated her oxygen down. I'm more careful about that now. I'm trying not to fuck up in the exact same way. I'll find exciting new ways to fuck up, and then I'll learn from those too.
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mccardswife · 4 months
Text
We've got your back
lionesses x teen!reader
lucy bronze x teen!reader
summary: lionesses x teen!reader, where r struggles with social anxiety and her older teammates support her.
(this was a request, but the request disappeared. but here it is!)
warnings: social anxiety, angst, nightmare, fluff and mentions of panic attack, please remind me if there is more tw! (do not read if you get triggered)
word count: 2826
i hope you like this one, i loved the request and i got really satisfied with the oneshot!
hope you enjoy!
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You zoned out again, probably for the dozen time this week. It is England camp and you know what that means, I love all my england teammates trust me. They are like my family but I have a secret no one knows about, not even my teammates at Arsenal.
I have social anxiety, i feel very ashamed by it. It is so embarrassing that I need to take medications to function, and even when I take them I don't feel like myself.
It was day 2 of england camp. Which means we arrived yesterday. I am roomies with Lucy this camp because Jordan is with her lover (Leah). I love rooming with Lucy, she is like a mother to me. She is very protective but I try keeping my diagnosis a secret from her. Sometimes I even call her mom.
I am 17 now and when i first got called up to the national team I was 15 so the whole team, especially the older girls and Lucy are very protective over me and they helped me when i struggled with panic attacks during my first call ups and my debut for England.
8:00 clock
The alarm went off on Lucy's phone, I did not sleep very well. I had an awful nightmare in the middle of the night, that is all i think about now. I am just so scared that people will judge me for what i say. After conversations with the team last night I regret what i said, you did not say something bad. But you just feel being judged. The most awful feeling in the world.
My mom turned off the alarm and turned to me, I probably looked awful because I slept like shit. "Oh y/nn, are you okay?" she asked.
"Yes, just did not sleep very well" I said back. I started walking towards the bathroom exhaustively when she came up behind me and gave me a hug. "You know we are here for you right", she said. I just hugged her back saying "I know mom, i love you" and walked in the bathroom locking the door getting ready.
When I was done I unlocked the door and asked Lucy if she was ready to go down for breakfast. You see, we have two bathrooms. So each one of us has their private bathroom. I totally love it.
When we open our door Jordan and Leah stood there already waiting for us, they have the room beside us and we always walk down for breakfast together.
I have never been so scared before but after my nightmare last night I am really scared now, the only one who knows I have social anxiety is my manager at Arsenal, Jonas Eidevall and my manager at the national team, Sarina Wiegman.
It's an obligation for them to know because mental health is very important and because I take medications everyday. That reminds me, I forgot to take it this morning. Shit.
When we walked into the dining room I was sweating and nervous as crazy. I was shaking non stop and couldn't wait for my breakfast so I could sit down alone in peace. Just thinking.
After getting my food, I decided to eat some and oatmeal today. Because the oatmeal here is hella good.
Anyway I walked towards an empty table when I heard a familiar voice calling my name, I turned around and saw the gaffer, Sarina Wiegman.
Shit
"Y/n, could we talk outside for a minute please?". She asked me with a smile but I could tell the concerning look in her eyes when she saw me fiddling with my fingers anxiously.
"Yes, of course" I said with a shaky voice I think the whole team heard because when me and Sarina walked outside of the room I could see in the corner of my eye Lucy and the other girls watching me with questioning but worried looks.
When me and Sarina got outside she looked me in the eye and asked if something was on my mind. I said no. "Are you sure y/nn?, it is important that we know everything".
"Okay fine, I have been really struggling with nightmares and I had a panic attack a few hours before arriving to England camp yesterday" I said with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes.
"Oh honey, it is okay! Totally okay to have ups and downs, everyone here would support you, which got me asking, does anybody know about your social anxiety? And have you taken your medications today?" she asked...
I looked down in shame, no and no I told her.
"I am really sorry Sarina but it is so hard, I don't want to be judged if I tell the others, and be treated differently.
"Honey, it is very important that you open up, I really think it is time for you to open up, and I promise you that none of the girls will judge you, we all love you and want to support you! You will not get treated differently, everyone has their own struggles, do not feel embarrassed by it", she said to me sternly but very soft.
Which is one of the things I like about Sarina, a brilliant manager but first and foremost a amazing women who cares about every one of us as her kids.
Me and Sarina talked a bit more and she told me that because I have been struggling a lot with my anxiety and sleeping I will not start tomorrow, when we play against Ireland in the euro qualifier at Wembley. Which I totally understand, I need to get my shit together and open up because I hopefully think I will feel much better then. Also feel closer with my teammates, not that I am not close with them. trust me I am but recently I have been shutting down and try to isolate from the others, which they now have realised.
Sarina has some of my medications in her office, incase I forget to bring or take mine so we went to her office and I took them, with disgust. It makes me feel different, I don't like that.
"Y/n, is it not your fault you have social anxiety, okay? Trust me, you are not different, okay. Now you need to go to breakfast before training".
She then gave me a hug and I left her office. Have I told you that I love the hugs Sarina gives, it is probably one of the best hugs ever!
I walked towards the dining room again and looked at my phone and saw that I was with Sarina for almost 20 minutes, now Lucy is probably really worried.
I thought about how I am going to tell the team. I am first going to tell Lucy and some of the veterans on the team.
When I walked inside dining room some of the tables were in a middle of a conversation and did not see me, unfortunately Lucy looked up at the door the second it open.
Lucys pov
Sarina called y/n outside and I would be lying if I said I was not worried. I am sitting with the group I always sit with at England camp, Leah, Keira, Georgia, Rachel, Millie, Jordan, Mary and Beth Mead. I have been worried about y/n for a while, I sat deep in my thoughts thinking about y/n when Rach suddenly asked. "Lucy, you good? You've been sitting spaced out for a while".
"Yes I am ok, i am just a bit worried about the youngster, in other words y/nn". As much as i love her I want what's best for her and I really think she is struggling with something, she always seems scared, nervous and it gives me signs of anxiety".
"Yeah that is actually true" Leah said, "Her being on arsenal me, Beth and Jordan pretty much see y/n everyday and she seems very tense". Millie being the softie she is said "We should probably try talk to her later when she comes back".
"Good idea, I say. "but I can't stop thinking about why Sarina wanted to talk to her".
Keira leaned over to me and whispered in my ear "stop being so nervous love, we will talk to her and support y/nn no matter what".
I just kissed her on the cheek and said thank you.
We sat there eating and making small talk when I looked at the clock, y/n has been away for like 20 minutes now. I am kind of starting to get nervous now
But as I thought of her the door opened and there she walked in deep in her thoughts with a hard look on her face. She picked up her food she got earlier and wanted to sit alone, she walked past us but Jordan grabbed her wrist softly asking "You want to sit with us?, there is an empty chair beside Georgia".
Reader´s pov again
I picked up my food I left on an empty table before I was pulled out to talk with Sarina and was walking towards and empty table, but as I was walking past the table Lucy and the other girls were on I felt a hand grabbing my wrist, softly but suddenly.
it was Jordan
"You want to sit with us?, there is an empty chair beside Georgia".
The table consisted of Lucy, Leah, Keira, Georgia, Rachel, Millie the brick wall Bright, Jordan, Mary and Beth Mead.
Deciding not to be rude I said "Yeah sure", with probably the shakiest voice for the 100th times today. I walked over and sat beside Georgia
Then I felt as I was being watch, I looked every one of them in the eye and I asked if something was wrong.
Lucy for the second time today asked "Are you ok y/nn, all of us are pretty worried about you". Beth said "Yeah, the whole team are and we want to know what's been up with you?, what did Sarina want to talk to you about?.
Leah being the skipper she is, saw you felt a bit overwhelmed with all the questions, "Relax, one question at a time" she said with a soft smile on her face.
I want to open up I thought, but at the same thing I don't.. why does it have to be so hard? Am I going to get judged, I know what Sarina told me but still".
"Babe" Lucy said "What is going on in that pretty mind of yours?".
I felt tears starting to drop and my hands shaking on the table while my foot was bouncing like crazy. When I felt Georgia's hand on my shoulder pulling me in for a side hug I lost it.
"I have social anxiety, i have been diagnosed with it for a few months. Only Jonas and Sarina know. I take medications for it, Sarina know that something has been up with me so she asked me if some of you knew, if I took my meds today, which I forgot so I needed to take them with her.".....
It got quiet for a second and I thought I was going to die for a minute, but Lucy walked over and gave me a hug from behind.
"Why did you not tell us?" Keira asked,
"I am really sorry about that, I felt ashamed. Embarrassed for needing to take meds and not being a fully functional human being. I am not normal, I was afraid of getting treated differently"...
"And that you would secretly judge me" I said in a very low voice but the girls heard.
Millie said to me sternly "You are the best human being a person could ask for, we would never judge you ever. We only want to help, we had our suspicions about it because we saw the signs".
Rachel jumped also in and said "We've got your back babe, you are perfect the way you are, no need to be ashamed of a diagnosis that is not your fault.
Mary being the angel she is said "I kind of know how you feel, when I was at my lowest a few years ago it was hell. but I had the best people who helped me through it and now we want to be the people to help you!"
Gosh how I love all of them, they are so supporting and caring but I was still very scared because I have not told them about my nightmares and panic attacks yet.
Lucy or my so called mum asked because she knows me through and through "Is there something more you want to tell us"
"Yes, but please don't be mad", you said in a begging voice.
"Of course we won't me mad love" Keira said in a reassuring tone.
"The nightmares and panic attacks has come back and it is worse now than ever. I had a nightmare last night, that is why I could not sleep. And I have been heavily struggled with panic attacks and nightmare for a long time, because of my anxiety. A few hours before we travelled to England camp yesterday I had the worst panic attack ever. I got it under control eventually by myself after maybe an hour, but felt uneasy for the rest of the day"
"It is ok not to be ok, but this is serious, we all care and want to help you. It sucks that you have felt this way y/nn" Jordan said with the biggest smile, it looked sad but kind.
"I am really sorry about not telling, but I promise I will be more open but you need to understand it is very difficult for me" I said, "And I am sorry mom, it is not your fault. I know you were asleep when I had the nightmare but I could not bear myself to wake you, I felt embarrassed" I said to Lucy.
Lucy´s pov
"And I am sorry mom, it is not your fault. I know you were asleep when I had the nightmare but I could not bear myself to wake you, I felt embarrassed"
Hearing those words come out of my daughter´s mouth broke me. I tried not to let tears fall but it was impossible now. I am her biggest supporter and I always will be. I just want her to know that
"You are amazing, brilliant, caring, loving and all other kind words I could say! I love you so much my babygirl."
Reader´s pov again
"I love you to mom". I said to Lucy.
Leah said sternly to me "You need to go see a therapist, when we come back at arsenal again we will go twice a week and I will go with you then me, Beth and Jordan can switch who would go with you"
"Seriously?" I groaned.
"Yes", they all said sternly in sync.
"Okay then, but Leah, you, Beth, and Jordan don't need to go with me"
"But we want to" the three of them said gladly.
"Thank you" I said looking down...
"Come here y/nn" Georgia said pulling me in for a hug, I love Georgias hugs.
Every one of the girls gave me a bear crushing hug telling me
"We will always be here for you babe, just call or text or do anything. And we will be there in an eye blink for you! We are so glad you told us, now we just need to tell the others."
"Could we please do it later?" I asked nervously...
"Of course" Rachel said.
"When we are back at arsenal we gotta tell our arsenal teammates too" Beth said.
"I know I know..." I said.
"I will always support you kid, I love you so much and I will always do. You are literally my kid just not official. I would love to be your official mom tho, if you'd have me?" Lucy asked.
I looked at her in utterly shock, and the other girls looked at us in awe.
"Are you serious, please be serious?" I asked with my mouth hanging open.
"Of course, as I said I love you like my own family". Lucy told me with tears
I said loudly "Yes, of course I would want you to adopt me, it kind of feel like you already have tho but still omg".
I started crying again but this time happy tears, while I gave my mom a big hug the girls took a photo of us and gave us a hug.
The perfect group hug.
Little did y/n know that Sarina stood outside watching everything that just had happen, you telling the others about your struggles and Lucy confessing how she feel about you.
Sarina really felt like a proud mom now.
"I am really the best momager ever" Sarina said walking away chuckling with the most heartwarming smile on her face ever.
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