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grymmnox · 1 year

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weekly fic recs #10

gonna act like i posted this yesterday. this one is longer than the previous 2, somehow, despite me having less free time.

& = platonic, / = romantic

Oneshots

Silk On The Rafters; HickorySwallowedTheSun - bungo stray dogs

not rated | 8.8k words | chuuya/dazai, akutagawa/atsushi, akutagawa & chuuya, atsushi & chuuya | READ TAGS

summary:

"Fine," the shorter huffs, yanking the next dress from the rack and flopping it over the growing stack on his arm with admittedly less grace. "Fucking fine, Dazai, I'll pick your stupid outfit is that what you want? Good dogs," Chuuya bites back, the hatred clear on his tongue as it falls to the dresses in his arm, to the man refusing to face him. "use their fucking words."

Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi, Akutagawa, wandering through a department store

rock bottom; starquilled - bungo stray dogs

mature | 6.1k words | chuuya/dazai, chuuya & dazai, dazai & mori, dazai & oda | READ TAGS

summary:

Three times Chuuya tried showing kindness to Dazai, and one time nobody could.

Or: a study on Dazai through the years, his interactions with the people around him, and the unwavering persistence of his depression.

Promises; archerwrites - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 3.1k words | chuuya/dazai

summary:

“Chibi?”

A lazy hum was all Dazai got in response—attesting to the exhaustion weighing down heavy on their bones.

“When I die, will you write my eulogy?”

Or, a simple question after a long mission turns the night into a rollercoaster of emotions.

bloom; soupthatistoohot - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 2.2k words | chuuya/dazai

summary:

“You know I love you regardless of the grand gestures, right?” Dazai tries and fails to not let his smile falter. “And I know you love me,” Chuuya continues insistently, “I don’t need flowers and dinners and wine to spell it out, just you being here is enough.”

Dazai has been caught.

Instinctively, he steps back from Chuuya’s grasp, a frown pulling at Dazai’s lips. His brows draw together, staring at his boyfriend like it will answer everything. It’s one of those rare moments where Chuuya has seen him look confused. Lost.

Chuuya helps Dazai learn that there's no formula to loving.

Prey and predator.; fish_writes_words_and_stuffs - bungo stray dogs

not rated | 5.8k words | dazai & oda, dazai & mori, chuuya & dazai | READ TAGS

summary:

He accepts that Dazai wasn’t trying to commit suicide in front of Oda. He was just trying to commit suicide.

Or, it's Dazai's birthday and he's thinking about a lot of things. CWs in the tags!

Playing Favorites; fish_writes_words_and_stuffs - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 8.8k words | chuuya/dazai, atsushi & dazai | READ TAGS

summary:

Dazai was in the bathroom. He’s been in the bathroom. The lights are off. They’ve been off. He never turned them on. -- Or, Chuuya and Atsushi learn something Dazai has tried his best to forget. Second work in my Dazai-centric one-shots (can be read out of order) Please mind the tags for content warnings!

Tragedy and fortune; athenaistired - bungo stray dogs

mature | 13k words | chuuya/dazai | READ TAGS

summary:

"Dazai-kun, sometimes I look at you and wonder.. how can such small body like yours be capable of hosting this much anger within?" Mori’s question stunned him into silence, even though he didn’t let it show.

Chuuya was an aggressive person. He looked annoying, childish, and stupid majority of the time. Why would Mori ever compare him to someone like that? Dazai knew himself. He was cold and calculating, and he was nothing — absolutely nothing — like Nakahara Chuuya.

Sugar-coated mind; athenaistired - bungo stray dogs

mature | 10.7k words | ADA & dazai, chuuya/dazai | READ TAGS

summary:

"Oi, Dazai! What the hell is taking you so long?!"

"Kunikida-kun, move. Something bad happened in there." That was a new voice that belonged to Rampo-san, "I think Dazai just now seriously hurt himself." At the recognition of the situation that he was in, brunet instantly paled and looked down at his bloodied hand with a knife.

Evil does not sleep; athenaistired - bungo stray dogs

mature | 7.7k words | ADA & dazai, dazai & yosano | READ TAGS

summary:

“There’s something in here..” He mumbled sleepily, “Yosano.. I’m so tired.” Completely dropping the ‘sensei’ honorific that he loved to tease her with instantly made red alarms ring in her head, “I want to sleep.. I really want to sleep.. I’m so tired..”

Men who kill other men don't sleep.

Black tea; athenaistired - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 5.1k words | ADA & dazai, dazai & fukuzawa

summary:

“Dazai, go home. Whatever it is that you have, others don’t need to catch it. If you can’t think about your own well-being, then think about others.”

Dazai did not even realize that he didn't feel good.

Complete Fics

Pride and Prejudice; amabe - bungo stray dogs

not rated | 15 chapters | 32.2k words | chuuya/dazai | READ TAGS

summary:

“No fucking suicidal ideation right now.” He spat. Dazai blinked up at his with those big chocolate eyes, sending waves of irritation down Chuuya’s body.

“Aww, and here I was thinking it would make such a good story.”

“What the fuck did I expect.” At this point, Dazai was weighing the possibilities. Atsushi and the others didn’t need either of them to get the children to Ango. The Port Mafia side would already be collecting the drugs from other warehouses and taking care of the stragglers.

He tipped forward on his toes, crashing his lips into the spirited man’s. He felt Chuuya tense and, a few seconds later, a punch crushed his jaw. The pain blossomed, like a low throb in the back of his head. There was blood on his lips either from where the little shrimp had bitten him or the cut on the inside of his cheek.

It didn't matter. Dazai would get him back.

Yes, its bodyswap soukoku. Yes, expect angst, fun, and an emotional bender between Dazai and Chuuya as they come to find each other again.

Incomplete Fics

Do Not Wake Me; amabe - bungo stray dogs

not rated | 19/? chapters | 69.9k words | chuuya/dazai, poe/ranpo, akutagawa/atsushi | READ TAGS

summary:

With a loud pop, the light disappeared and Atsushi rushed forth screaming “Dazai-san!”

He didn’t expect to meet one cold amber eye, almost red in the light, and the barrel of a gun pointed at his forehead.

The man, no boy. He couldn’t be older than Atsushi himself stared back at him. The familiar bandages wove around his eye obscuring more of the boy’s body than Atsushi was used to. A grin was placed on his lips, and Atsushi noticed how similar he was dressed to a certain man with an unfortunate haircut. An all-black suit with a clearly oversized jacket hung off the boy's slim frame.

“Well, well, who do we have here? Tora? How cute,” the boy sang.

How will the ADA deal with Dark Era Dazai? Planning this to be a longer fic so get your popcorn ready

*set in the same universe as Pride and Prejudice*

you say christmas surprise, I say you fucked up the whole holiday; notideal - bungo stray dogs

not rated | 5/? chapters | 14k words | chuuya/dazai

summary:

“This is stupid.” Yuan looked very uncomfortable, shifting awkwardly on her feet.

“You’re being dumb,” Shirase agreed, watching Chuuya pull his suitcase from the backseat.

“You’re gonna get kidnapped,” Yuan rung her hands together.

“And we won’t come to retrieve the body,” Shirase nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“I’m probably not gonna die, I literally know martial arts – and I know Dazai. I’ve been talking to him for weeks. I’ve sent you his photo, I’ve sent you his address-–”

The photo in question was the one with a spoon on his head – dyed red hair messy, bandage over his nose, the prettiest eye shape Chuuya had seen. It was odd to think that someone that good-looking would be single – but he was, and they’d been talking for weeks. He was definitely real.

...

Chuuya decides to surprise his long-distance boyfriend for Christmas...by showing up on his doorstep.

Dazai Osamu is definitely not the same guy from the pictures.

tomorrow’s a wish away; Seito - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 2/? chapters | 4.2k words | atsushi & dazai, dazai & oda

summary:

“I’m fine,” Ango said, as he took a large gulp, emptying half of his glass. “I just needed some liquid courage.”

Dazai perked up, sensing a secret about to be told. What could it be? Maybe Ango had found a girlfriend?! Or he won a gift card to an all you can eat seafood buffet!

He grinned, raising his glass in preparation of a toast. “For what?” he asked.

Ango took a deep breath, looking at both Dazai and Odasaku with a serious expression. “I am a spy for the Special Division for Unusual Powers.”

Dazai’s glass slipped out of his hand, falling.

“What?” Odasaku said.

Family (or something); little_coffins - bsd/mha fusion

mature | 12/? chapters | 41.1k words | aizawa & dazai, aizawa/hizashi, aizawa & hizashi, ango & dazai & oda, dazai & mori, ango & dazai, dazai & elise | READ TAGS

summary:

Story excerpt: "... That's why I don't want to live in this world. Nothing but bad things happen, everyone will be miserable or painfully ignorant of their misery." He had a bland look on his face, and it reminded him of the first time he laid eyes on the boy, nearly three years earlier, only eight years old but caught in a deadly silence born of the fear of being heard and punished for speaking, existing. So faraway and put out.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

After interfering with a Port Mafia conflict, Aizawa is given the choice of possibly becoming the caretaker of the rather difficult to handle, recent ex-mafioso Dazai Osamu.

Local trash dad adopts not very local suicide son? Yes.

Idiosyncracy; little_coffins - bsd/mcu fusion

explicit | 31/? chapters | 90.5k words | matt murdock & franklin nelson & karen page & peter parker, frank castle & matt murdock, dazai & mori, dazai & oda, matt murdock & franklin nelson & karen page, frank castle & wade wilson, jack hammer & wade wilson, jessica jones & peter parker | READ TAGS

summary:

Frank doesn't kill kids. This teen is really making him reconsider this exception, though.

(Or at least that's what he wants to tell himself. He thinks he's mostly concerned.)

grim’s notes: i’m not in the mcu fandom, like, at all, (part of the reason i was more thorough than usual when listing relationships; i don’t know how characters are commonly recognized in the fandom) but this was still quite the enjoyable fic! just have to have some degree of understanding of who the characters are and what they do but even then it’s rather easy to know what’s going on.

Anything But Lonely; Mafia_Angel091 - mha/atla fusion

mature | 59/? chapters | 156.6k words | dabi/hawks, bakugou/midoriya/todoroki, dabi & todoroki, aizawa/hizashi, aizawa & class 1-a, aizawa & eri, eri & shinsou, kaminari/shinsou, aizawa & toph, bakugou & toph, sokka/toph | READ TAGS

summary:

Dabi was a villain. A high ranking villain, thank you. A high ranking villain that wants to be left alone. So how the ever, flying fuck did he wind up with an apprentice?

Also known as: Dabi and Toph met by pure chance. An S ranked villain that just wants to eat his dinner in peace (and bring Endeavour to ruin in the long run). A tiny runaway who aims to be the Greatest Earth Bender in the world, politics be damned. He certainly doesn't give a shit about some over confident, snot nosed brat. She doesn't give two shits what he thinks. The two of them have made it this far on their own strength, their own determination.

Funny how things can change with a simple decision.

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eluvion · 1 year

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2022 Fic Year in Review

Total number of completed stories: 3

Total word count: for published fic, 22,576. the tua draft that i never got to finishing has somewhere around 10k words on it, there were a few random 1 and 2k drafts that are stuck in my google docs somewhere, and there’s a Lot of words in college applications and articles

Fandoms written in: bungou stray dogs, the umbrella academy, and daredevil!!

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? hoo boy a lot less. i expected college apps would have An Effect on how much fic i wrote, but Wow. it cut off me writing that one tua draft literally right in the middle of me writing it, and i have no idea if i’ll get anywhere near finishing it once im done applying to places.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? all that said, poetry au--aka hope is our four-letter word--came out this year, which was some of my best work. i love it a lot, and even though it didn’t see the same levels of success as my other bsd fics, it is by far my favorite.

Did you take any writing risks this year? i'm walking backward into my own myth was a fun one. i wouldnt exactly call it a risk, but the format and time jumbling was weird enough that i’m putting it under this category.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? write more?? i don’t have any drafts i’m in the middle of, but writing more for daredevil looks fun. i’d like to write some team red, but i don’t know if i have a solid enough grasp on either wade or peter’s characters to feel confident doing that

Most popular story of the year? hope is our four-letter word!! which, to be fair, is my longest and i put it out in january and my other fics were published in november and literally like an hour ago, so it makes sense.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: this year?? i think they’ve been pretty well appreciated. obviously, just breathe that moment down was published literally today, so i can’t really say anything about it. i wish hope got more attention, but it makes sense to me why it didn’t--it’s kind of an eclectic mix of tropes and is very soft and quiet and kind of unlike most of my bsd fics.

Most fun story to write: ohhhhh i dont know. hope was fun because i got to construct a lot of the world around chuuya and dazai, and i love the idea of where dazai is at that point in his life. he’s well enough to go to college, but everyone around him still worries, and he thinks about oda all the time and he kind of wants to die all the time, but he’s just starting to see light at the end of this tunnel. yosano in this verse is also just the best i love her so much.

but god. i’m walking backward into my own myth was SO fun. the tense changes and mess of five destroying time and trying to put it back together is just so fun to write, and the style was wonderful.

Most unintentionally telling story: none of them are unintentionally telling, but just breathe that moment down is certainly. telling. december is just Bad this year so sorry yall have to keep hearing me bitch about college apps but. yeah. Yeah!!!

Biggest disappointment: THE TUA DRAFT. oh my god i wanted to finish that So Bad and i feel bad because i’ve put out so many snippets but i never got the fic out. it was going to partner with a klaus-centric fic my best friend was making, but :(((( we both got caught up in our personal lives and college applications, so neither of us managed to finish. ah well. perhaps in the new year we’ll get back to it.

Biggest surprise: not necessarily a Good Surprise but god. oh god. the Great 2022 Writing Slump. it hit like a goddamn truck.

but!!! for good surprises, me getting into daredevil!! i’m scared for whatever the mcu is going to shit out next, but the show was a masterpiece and i think it’s high time i started reading the comics instead of putting misplaced trust in disney to have good writing, so i got some for christmas!!

#SORRY THIS IS LIKE. SO NEGATIVE AND SAD ITS JUST BEEN A YEAR #2022 fic year in review #fic year in review

0 notes

bsdthings · 3 years

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I did say I'm also writing ships, didn't I, my darlings? 👀

(Sometimes I will indeed put songs if I feel like it)

Soukoku | Osamu Dazai x Chuuya Nakahara

Dazai centric

Genres: ☢️Angst☢️, 😭Sad😭

Warnings: 🤷Ambiguous ending🤷, violence, heartbreak, cursing, Dazai suicide attempt, drinking, smoking, mentions of 🔞 (vague), blood, self harming

Why does it burn like this? They've both been soaked in black blood and tears, in death and sorrow, and yet, the most hurtful one seems to remain the matter of heart.

Dazai has left. It's been 2 years, just as much as since he decided to leave for just as long, blew up Chuuya's car, and with it, his heart too.

For Dazai, it's been 2 years since those years of despair and replacing blood with alcohol in his veins, after the death of Odasaku, a death wish he cannot refuse and a life he didn't and still doesn't find much value to, yet with the surprise of hurt for what he's lost.

You gain some, you lose some, it's the saying, and Dazai can't decide wether it was worth or not, wether he gained or not.

He's stuck between light and dark, between the craving of blood and his muted promise.

And above it all, he can't decide wether leaving Chuuya behind without a word nor trace was the biggest mistake of his life or the smartest thing he's ever done.

Because Chuuya acts as usual, they bicker and the redhead tries to knock him down and curses his ass. Yet, there is this type of darkness in his blue eyes, this type of harsh realizations that sat in, that tremble in his powerful grip.

Because as much as Chuuya says he opened that '89 bottle in celebration, they both know he drowned his sorrow in alcohol just as much. Because the scent of smoke still lingers harshly onto him, subdued by his usual perfume, rich and agonizing with the way it always makes Dazai's mind fog, yet ever so present.

Now, everyday, he looks at himself in the mirror as he wraps the bandages around himself, more than less finding himself pulling too hard, chasing the ache, chasing the brush of pain, of feeling, of physical rather than emotional, of distracting himself.

Because he misses the way things were. Because he misses the times when he'd feel so alive while bickering with the redhead on a daily basis. Because he misses that never ceasing flame he always felt by his side, contagious as he looked into his once light blue eyes, eyes that still had some sparkles in them, eyes that burnt with such intensity that he found himself…feeling alive. Eyes that now carry more darkness than any brown someone could have ever seen.

So he wonders. He finds himself spending the late hours of night or early hours of morning when he can't sleep with his mind invaded with thoughts of the redhead, of his annoying grin, of his ugly hat, of his powerful hand wrapped around his neck, ready to choke him—

And he shakes. Dazai Osamu, the demon prodigy, shakes while alone to too many thoughts, some of self loath, some of questioning— what would have happened if I gone to him? If I asked him to come to me? If I tolf him I'm leaving for good?— and some with that tingle down his spine, that left his mind a mere fog, his breath taken away and his pupils dilated, his whole being on fire.

What if he would have decided to give all of him and keep the people he loves the most for damn once—

No. He can't. He can't, because that would have meant Mori going after him, because that would have meant taking care of someone else, someone imprevizibile like Chuuya above it all, someone to depend on him, to risk again the death of someone he clutches on so tightly—

It's easier to let go than to keep on holding.

And just like that, Dazai found himself in the exact same situation he tried to run so bad from. With him and Chuuya somehow ending up as a pair again, with Chuuya full of blood Dazai can't distinguish if it's his partner's or the enemie's, found himself again in the situation of this stupid organ called heart weakly breaking with the sound of glass and questioning himself if feeling alive is worth the death after.

He's died a thousand times already, didn't he?

To run away. It was such a powerful instinct. One he's negated himself for so long and yet, look where it took him. Right back to the start.

Maybe this is how things are supposed to be. As if Universe laughed mockingly in his face and said never saw one without the other, did you?

The way Dazai's first thought when he sees the redhead is I really do miss what we almost had.

The way they seem to have become not even enemies, but strangers with memories.

Because Chuuya isn't the same. And how could he be in such a world?

I choose the mafia thinking I will find the meaning of life, soaked in blood and death and violence, so close to the very core of human nature.

And with that same ache in his heart, with a mind who wants to kill itself, with a heart too attached and with a body who fights for living, Dazai looks at Chuuya, sleeping on his sofa, on an apartment that used to be theirs, with a self he thought he's killed a long time ago, with wavy curls the color of fire, messy and soft and warm—

And he lets himself soak in water cold enough to stop any function of his body, to freeze him to death, and yet it feels like the nicest of numbness, like escape, like a tender caress—

He lets himself slowly fall down the tub, slowly lets the water envelop him like mud would when he will be buried, when his last breath will leave his lungs and it will still have the scent of Chuuya clinging to him, the nights of a mindless teenager with tears clinging to his eyelashes and firm hands pulling him right back—

He's pulled right back, the splash harsh to the ear, his body hurting as it collides with the cold, hard floor and—

"Stop stabbing me in the fucking back, you waste of bandages"

And in such moments, Dazai is haunted yet again by the same thoughts, by the same hands who always seem to pull him right back, never letting him go and die, find some peace, by the tears clinging to long eyelashes, by love and hurt and heartburn—

"You aren't dying tonight, you hear me?! You won't die!"

#bungo stray dogs #dazai bsd #bsd chuuya nakahara #bungo stray dogs chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya #bungou stray dogs dazai #soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #dazai x chuuya #bsd angst #Spotify

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bittersweetmorality · 3 years

Text

— chuuya boyfriend headcannons (sfw & nsfw)+ drabble

☾ genre: SFW and NSFW Headcannons (NSFW section is marked-- 18+)

☾ pairing: Nakahara Chuuya x GN!reader (reader is given the name ‘mommy’ in the drabble)

☾ warnings: none for the SFW– general smut for the NSFW ??

☾ w/c: 1,978 words

☾ a/n: hey lol :D as a certified chuuya fucker, i just had to. i literally have like three other chuuya drafts that i’m currently working on. hopefully they turn out like i want and i can post them bc :| the chuuya tag is starving. anyway i hope i can populate it just a tad. thanks for reading bugs !

— SFW

lemme start off by saying that he will treat yo ass RIGHT. ON MY MOMMA.

not to bring his trauma into this already but :| my man has major abandonment issues. he will not do anything to jeopardize your relationship, and he honestly just values your happiness above anything else

you just know how much he cares about the fellow members of the mafia– even though they don’t requite the same amount of love that he gives them, he still loves them wholeheartedly

even dazai

little shit

his love language is definitely touch and gift-giving. no i don’t accept criticism because i’m right

you’re telling me he wouldn’t absolutely spoil you with expensive gifts ?? mans is a mafia executive– he’s making hella bank, and he is spending it all on you

he’s also definitely a pretty clingy significant other, but good luck trying to get him to admit that :|

his life is… well… yaknow

there’s always a lot going on there..... he’s stresst

he wants nothing more than to just hold you in his arms after a long day-- especially if he just came back from a hard day at work

times like this are when he’s most clingy-- he feels like he almost lost you, and now he never wants to let you go

many, many times he’s fallen asleep like this; you’re basically suffocating in his grip as his eyelids flutter closed, either on the couch or your bed

but of course you’re not going to complain

and he’s so glad you don’t

he’s also the type to almost never explicitly say that he loves you at first, it’s simply not something that comes naturally to him

instead he indulges in his love languages profusely, and he just hopes you get the message

he’s also afraid that you’ll leave him if he says something like that, so for a long time he doesn’t :(

so when you come home to a bottle of expensive wine wrapped in an exquisite red ribbon, you know he just wants to tell you how much he loves you

eventually, of course he’s comfortable with you enough to say it, and it comes completely natural

and since he’s such a romantic, he says it every morning when you wake up, and before you go to bed without fail

he’s definitely the type to show you off too

like, as he’s having a conversation with someone, he’ll suddenly get really loud when talking about you so everyone within a three-mile radius can hear

“well, you see i would go out drinking with you tonight, but i actually have a date. with my partner. you know them, right? here’s a picture i took of them a few days ago, just look a-”

also: biggest hype man

you could open a jar of jam and he’d be like “holy shit, you go babe”

nakahara chuuya kiss me rn challenge

anyway, basically he’ll love and support you no matter what

like truly you’re like a walking ray of sunshine to him

anyway !!!! DATES !!!!!!!

dates with chuuya are planned. always.

like i SAID he’s a hopeless ROMANTIC MY GOD

he absolutely loves picking you up at your doorstep and taking you for a ride around town on his motorcycle

speaking of which, your arms wrapping around his middle and squeezing him tight as he drives the bike is literally his favorite thing in the world. oh my god you’re going to make him melt

and i know for a fact your first kiss with him was after he dropped you off at your door when your first date was at its end

it was almost completely perfect honestly, except when your faces were just mere inches from one another, his hat bumped into your forehead and fell to the ground

baby was so embarrassed-- he went bright red and picked up his hat, basically shielding his face

he just wanted the date to be completely perfect– and it was!! until that happened

but obviously you just let out a light giggle and pulled him against you, and he quickly closed the gap between your lips

also, chuuya sleeps in

he sleeps a lot <33

that being said he loves lazy mornings

it’s well past 11, but you’re still laying in his arms– who is he to get up?? and disturb the peace??????

he will not.

also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t even emphasize this enough, but please comb your fingers through his hair

there’s a chance he might melt into a puddle on the spot and never recover but still

on the rare occasion where he’s the little spoon--

(which, speaking of which, @dazai-centric has a headcannon that chuuya always insists on being the big spoon no matter what, but on rare occasions he lets himself be wrapped up in your arms and THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.)

anyway, so on this rare occasion

where his head is basically buried in the junction between your shoulder and your neck, and you just rake your fingers through his hair softly

he dead. dead as hell.

and ERRRRM. kisses with him are just……… wow…………

naturally, he always wants to be the best at everything-- it’s just his personality

and kisses are no exception

he has to be the BEST

and he is

so, kisses are always so passionate and rough

okay hold on maybe this should go under the NSFW category 😐

ANYWAY!!!! 19472946/10 boyfriend

— NSFW

so rough sex is very common for y’all 😁

he likes to take his frustrations out from the day like this, and honestly you don’t complain

he definitely has a high sex drive so 😁

obviously you have an established safe-word and talk about everything before anything transpires because the LAST thing he wants is to hurt you in any way

but if you ask him to spank you he is definitely not gunna say no <3 chuuya said spanking kink

speaking of kinks

bondage xoxo

this goes both ways— he likes to tie your wrists to the headboard with rope and tie your legs down if you’re okay with it

for him, he likes his wrists cuffed to the bed

but he definitely doesn’t like all of his power stripped away by having him completely tied up

also he loves eye contact

that’s why missionary and mating press are his favorite positions <3

he likes to grab you by the jaw and make you look at him when he’s fucking you

“hey, hey, princess what did we say? if you want to cum, look me in the eyes when i fuck you, yeah?”

he loves praise and degradation equally

but if you’re degrading him don’t go too far :((

degrade slightly him while he’s on the bottom and he’s putty in your hands

now, if you praise him while he’s on top, get ready to not be able to walk for the next 3-5 business days because that’ll feed his ego a LOOOT

and he’ll just get lost in the moment because he loves you....... so much

he degrades you slightly, but only during foreplay

he calls you his little slut, or his whore

“aw, so wet for me and we’re barely getting started, doll. such a little whore, aren’t you?”

when you actually get into it, it’s all praise from him

he wants you to know how important you are to him, how good you feel and just everything on his mind

he loses his filter in the moment awn god

“so fucking perfect, i only want you. you’re mine. god, you feel so fucking good.”

he loves to hear you too-- it really feeds his ego

but sometimes if he’s really had a rough day, he’ll make you gag on his finger or wrap his hand around your neck

he doesn’t squeeze too hard nor genuinely make you gag, he just likes the way your eyes are barely able to meet his because he’s making you feel so good

but ANYWAY pet names are a MUST with him

he calls you doll, sweetheart, princess, baby, dove, doll

basically every sweet name under the sun during sex

he likes you to call him sir 😁

this man has no shame when it comes to noise

like absolutely none

since he’s possessive, he wants people to know he’s fucking you, and how good he feels because of you

no one else can make him feel that way and he wants everyone to know

so he’s LOOOUUUDD,,,, especially in your ear

he likes leaning down and moaning in your ear, just to get a reaction out of you

he makes fun of you for it later on, and you have his full permission to smack that smug little smirk off his face

but the amount of times you had to stop mid-way because y’all got knocks on your door from your neighbours 😐 they’re so sick of y’all

on average, you have sex at least 4 times a week

that’s not including quickies tho

did i mention that chuuya loves quickies <3

especially when it’s in his office and he fucks you on his desk

and because he doesn’t care who hears him-- you bet your ass the entire Port Mafia has heard you

he likes to go down on you for quickies more than actual sex, and he will respectfully never decline a blowjob

because he’s a gentleman

anyway

sorry to any of y’all who have a breeding kink,,, but chuuya definitely does not

he’s so afraid of having kids

moving on

onto sub!chuuya

did somebody say SWITCH 🤨☝️

chuuya did <3

now for a long time he doesn’t really let his submissive side out because,,, it’s a really vulnerable part of him yaknow?

but after a while, and after he’s completely trusted you to take care of him like that

oh boy

bottom bitch <3

still loud as HELL

except it’s less of moaning and more of whining

he’s such a whiner

and a brat

mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mo

also i don’t really know how else to describe it but-- if you force him to look you in the eyes and use a stern tone

..........dead. dead as hell.

now take this drabble as a tribute to sub!chuuya

“and why should i listen to you? what are you gunna do?” chuuya furrowed his brows at you, as if he was challenging you.

“aw, baby,” you leaned down from your position of straddling him, caging his head between your arms. “you still have so much to say even though your hands are handcuffed to the bed. so bold, aren’t you?” you stroked his lower lip gently, and he whimpered lowly in response.

suddenly, you sat up, getting into a position to prepare to get up off of him completely, “but, you’re right. what am i going to do? i guess i’ll just leave you here for the rest of the night. go-”

“WAIT!! NO- I-” he bit his lip to stop any more words from escaping him.

“’wait’? is there something you wanna say, baby?” your legs trapped his once again.

“... please.”

he averted your gaze, and you reached down to grip his jaw sternly, moving his head to face you completely.

“please what?”

no answer.

“you know i can’t read your mind, baby. you’re going to have to use your w-”

“please fuck me.” the words tumbled out of his mouth, almost too quickly to even be audible, still, your lips shifted into a gentle smile.

but you weren’t completely content with him yet.

“and what’s my name?”

“...mommy.”

“and you want mommy to fuck you, is that right?”

“...yes. please...”

you planted a passionate kiss onto his lips, and upon breaking it, you shifted closer to his ear.

“well, i can’t say no since you asked so nicely, now can i?”

masterlist

#chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #chuuya x you #chuuya scenarios #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd smut #chuuya imagines #chuuya fluff

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yandere-daydreams · 4 years

Text

A Yandere!Dazai/Reader piece for the lovely @ramannnn. It’s been a very Dazai-centric few days, but... I think it fits the theme well, considering how *controlling* I got to make him, here. I can only hope everyone else is having as much fun as he is, honestly.

TW: Dub-Con, Explicit Material, Groping/Rough Sex, Gun Violence, Blood, Death, and Slight Emotional/Physical Abuse.

Word Count: 5.2k

Dazai still wasn’t used to it, he guessed.

Relationships were a foreign concept to him, intimacy as alien as an unknown creature and affection just as strange. Hell, gestures as simple as holding hands made him flinch and pull back, even when he knew it was only you, the girlfriend who could main him about as brutally as a house-cat. It’d taken him two months to get used to cuddling, another three weeks to actually initiate a session, and he still had to think over his actions strategically while going in for a kiss, if only to keep from embarrassing himself. You were patient with him, sickeningly so, smiling and letting it go whenever he failed to reciprocate, always asking before trying something new. You didn’t have to be told that this was his first relationship, his first real relationship, and you didn’t make him say it. It was something Dazai loved about you, why he’d bothered with making himself seem vulnerable in the first place.

The feelings were new, too. You could still make his heart skip a beat by looking at him the right way, the air around you always too thin, his head in a constant state of spinning, regardless of how composed he presented himself as. It was embarrassing, at first, a lovesick spell more fitting of someone Atsushi’s age than his own, but you were great about that, too. Dazai was neglected when it came to love, simultaneously chasing after your approval and refusing to accept it, but you nursed him on small displays and gentle touches until he could stomach entire dates. He wondered if you knew you were doing it, sometimes, if you’d been conscious of the effect you had on him. Stuck on the thought, Dazai let his attention stray from the case-file in front of him, thankful he’d taken it down to Uzumaki before starting.

It would’ve been a pain to walk down from the Agency every time he thought of you, considering how often his paranoia tended to flare up. Kunikida never seemed pleased by the honest reasons behind his absence, either.

He relaxed as soon as he found you, helping a customer at the end of the cafe’s bar. It was only natural that you worked so close to him, managing to infiltrate your way into the fringes of Dazai’s life. He liked being able to find you, too, even if he was rarely in the office most days. Seeing you was like a tranquilizer to him, a narcotic, Dazai getting… twitchy whenever you weren’t around. Still, he couldn’t help but wince when he got a better look at the person you were chatting with, the conversation having gone on too long for you to only be taking his order. The jealousy was fresh every time he felt it, restored and more powerful than any time before, blunt nails soon tearing through the thin folder as he watched you close your eyes and laugh at something the man said.

You shouldn’t be doing that. He didn’t like it when you did that.

Without a hint of hesitation, he pushed himself up, not thinking as he moved towards you. Your attention from the interaction at hand didn’t waver, letting Dazai approach without notice, his arms wrapping around your waist and earning a small yelp, quickly covered up by a breathy giggle. Reflexively, you leaned into him, not looking away from the customer. You two had gone through this too many times for that.

“I’m sorry… he can be clingy sometimes,” You said, the remark equal parts an excuse and a tease. He felt you make a weak attempt to pry him off, an elbow jabbing at his rib cage, but Dazai only buried his head in the crook of your neck, letting his teeth graze over your skin as you sighed, exasperated. “Will that be all, sir? I can get you something on the house for the interruption.”

Dazai perked up just enough to stare at your customer through his bangs, narrowing his eyes just enough to get his point across. Whether or not he noticed, Dazai wasn’t sure, but the man squirmed nervously, gaze dropping to the floor as he fiddled with the lid of his cup, the disposable kind. Good. It meant the bastard wouldn’t be staying very long. “I… I should be going,” He mumbled, half-heartedly throwing a few bills on the countertop. “See you tomorrow, (Y/n).”

He didn’t speak until the man had gotten up, forgetting his drink as he headed towards the door. Even then, Dazai found a tender spot on your neck and bit down before you realized what he was doing, his teeth managing to sink in enough to leave a mark, only separating when you shoved him back. You were scowling when you turned to face him, barely suppressing a grin, trying to look hurt as you rubbed at the forming bruise. “You a real creep, you know that? I’m going to get fired one of these days, and all because you keep harassing my regulars.”

“Wonderful,” Dazai replied, pausing to peck at your lips. It was a hasty kiss, but there would be more later. He’d make sure of that. “You can be my adorable little housewife, and I’ll be the loving husband you brag about ever time you see your old coworkers. That sounds dreamy, doesn’t it?” He sighed loudly, overdramatically, closing his eyes and slumping against your chest. “Why don’t you quit now, sooner than later? We’ll get married this afternoon, I’ll invite Chuuya to the ceremony, and you’ll be a widow by the time the sun rises! It’s better not to draw these things out.”

“Oh, no, you’re not allowed to die after you trick me into marrying you. Chuuya or no Chuuya.” It was tentative, but soon enough, you were carding through his hair, feeding into his neediness. “We’re still on for tonight, right?”

Dazai pursed his lips, thinking before answering. “Tomorrow. The Agency’s trying to drain me dry, this week. Will dinner and a movie be enough to buy your forgiveness?”

You took the news with a sober nod, but he didn’t miss the heat that rose to your cheeks, the red tint you suddenly couldn’t hide. “I want… something else, too,” You admitted, the confession not needing an explanation. Your ‘purity’, for lack of a better way to put it, was something Dazai was well aware of, and it made sense. You were as innocent as they came, doe-eyed and naive, even if you tried to hide it. Just asking to be defiled, really. He couldn’t help himself, his hold on you tightening ever-so-slightly, clueing you in much too soon. “You’re a pervert.” With a huff, you crossed your arms, wedging a barrier between you and the offending aggressor, despite said aggressor’s complaints. “Don’t make me regret it, I’m doing this because I love you. I don’t want it to turn out like--”

“It won’t.” He was quick to reassure you, knowing just the right way to cup your cheek, straightening his back and meeting your eyes in a way that always made you more agreeable. This time was no exception, a shy simper returning as you melted into the support. “And you won’t regret it, either. I promise.”

There was a short silence, his words rolling over in your head. Your answer was a painstakingly slow one, but the bright, beaming smile that accompanied the wait more than worth it.

“I trust you, Dazai.”

Yuri. That was what the man went by. Dazai hadn’t bothered with a surname.

A warehouse worker, night-shift. He’d stop by Uzumaki before every shift for a black coffee, and he’d always ask for you, leaving without making a purchase if he couldn’t get his favorite barista. He didn’t have friends, his family lived overseas, and from what Dazai could tell, he was a coward no one would miss when he finally bit the bullet. If anything, Dazai was doing the leech a favor. He was doing you a favor.

The fewer inconveniences you had, the better.

The less competition he had, the better.

‘Yuri’ was already trembling by the time Dazai’s pistol had been drawn, the barrel forced into his mouth when he tried to scream. It hadn’t done much to muffle the sound, but the sharp click of the weapon’s safety switching off had his breath hitching, any sounds turning into high-pitched squeaks and cries when he realized exactly what kind of situation this was. Dazai wasn’t sure how he hadn’t caught on earlier. Hidden between packed-together buildings, the sky dark and the city fast asleep… not much good can come under those conditions, but luckily, ‘good’ was the last thing Dazai had in mind.

“I don’t want to kill you.” Some of the tensions in Yuri’s shoulders dissolved, a mistake quickly corrected by a tap of the front-sight against the roof of his mouth, Dazai’s finger sliding onto the trigger. “It doesn’t matter to me, whether you live or die. I’d let you go, if I had a choice. It’s less clean-up.”

Yuri tensed up, glancing at Dazai’s hand, at the grip of the Desert Eagle currently half-way down his throat. As if to ask what the catch was.

He obliged swiftly.

“It doesn’t matter to me, but I don’t like people touching things that don’t belong to them,” He explained, not bothering to keep the venom out of his voice. “And you’ve been doing just that, haven’t you? Coming into a place you don’t belong, talking to someone who’s not yours, and acting like you have the right to step onto someone else’s territory. It’s disgusting. I should’ve ended your pathetic life months ago. You’re just lucky I’m so nice.”

In a confident, practiced movement, he brought the Desert Eagle out of Yuri’s mouth, letting the worn metal scrape against his lips, tearing at the thin skin. Before Yuri could move, the muzzle was shoved into his solar plexus, bruising the underside of his ribs. “Talk,” Dazai commanded, shoving his free hand into his coat’s pocket. “Make me believe you won’t fuck-up again.”

Opening his mouth, Yuri stuttered incoherently, swallowing and mumbling and getting on Dazai’s nerves before spitting out something intelligent. “I… I’m sorry! (Y/n) is nice, we’re friends, I didn’t know she had a boyfriend!”

“You’re friends, or you didn’t know she was taken?” Dazai paused, raising an eyebrow. “I’d keep my story straight, if I were you. Considering the stakes and all.”

“I’m sorry!” He was yelling, now, eyes shut and voice shaking. There was an attempt to grab the handgun, but Dazai was able to discharge his attempts at bravery with a sharp thrust and a sigh, the ordeal turning out to be much duller than Dazai thought it would be. “I won’t go near her, I swear! Just… just let me go, and you’ll never see me again. I won’t even think about your girl. You two can have your weird-ass romance, I won’t be a problem!”

Dazai smiled, unable to stop himself. “You’re not a negotiator, are you, Yuri?”

Yuri only shook his head, daring to open his eyes, almost relieved at the slight softness in Dazai’s tone. That might’ve been what did it. He was moving before he realized it, slamming the grip into Yuri cheek with the force of a grown man’s weight, the suddenness and the power behind the blow knocking him to the ground, Yuri hardly even tried to push himself up. He made the mistake of looking back at Dazai, of wasting those precious seconds, but their eyes never met. His silencer muffled the gunshots, muted ticks the only sound to signal the end of Yuri’s life. There wasn’t a scream, no fighting or struggling or pleading, just a labored breath and a splatter of blood on Dazai’s shoes.

Still, that didn’t stop Dazai from emptying the rest of his magazine into Yuri’s head. If only to save such a pitiful creature the pain of having to go on for another hour.

You didn’t think you’d ever been this nervous before.

Calming down was a fruitless effort. You’d tried to tell yourself that you were an adult, that Dazai loved you and didn’t care, but… just the thought had you buzzing. It was a palpable anxiety, something that had you walking unevenly and dropping mugs while you cleaned them and laughing when anyone said anything because everything was funny. Your coworkers took notice, but they were dissuaded with an excuse and a few comments about an ‘off-mood’, and luckily, your regulars hadn’t been around enough lately to witness your odd behavior.

They hadn’t been around at all lately, really. You made a mental note of that. You’d have to check in on them, soon, if you remembered to. It was hard not to worry, considering how many frequent visitors had disappeared so abruptly, recently.

Still, Dazai was a source of comfort. You were a timid person, closed-off despite how badly you tried not to be, but you really did love Dazai. He was persistent, consistent, and just as unused to affection as you were, albeit on the opposite side of the spectrum. That might’ve been why you trusted him so much. He was like you, in a way, but so different at the same time. Just as closed-off, but with all the confidence you lacked.

Without thinking, you let your mouth fall open, mumbling the first thing that came to mind. “Thank you.”

Dazai hummed as he glanced over his shoulder, sending you a questioning look as he unlocked the entrance to his flat. It took him a second to understand, but you didn’t have the nerve to explain yourself, letting Dazai come to his own conclusion. It must’ve been a good one, though, judging by the way he pulled you a little closer as the door fell open, kissing your temple and tugging you through the threshold. “Don’t thank me yet,” He chuckled, softly. “We’re just getting to the fun part.”

You didn’t have time to ask what he meant. As soon as you’d stepped into his apartment, his mouth was on yours, the kiss as overeager as it was underplanned. No attempt was made to ease you into it, no trace of reluctance or consideration, only his arms wrapping around your midriff and your back hitting the wall, crashing into it as he found the first available surface to pin you to. Keeping up with him was a futile effort, but you tried anyway, pushing your lips against his and nipping at the tip of his tongue playfully when he tried to deepen the gesture. You could feel it as he smirked, pulling away and focusing his kisses on your jaw, hands falling to your thighs and lifting you off the ground without a trace of effort. It was easy to forget how strong he was, but as Dazai slotted himself against you, far closer than you’d ever let anyone else get, it slipped your mind to tease him about it, too.

Instead, you let out a cracked laugh, one that turned into a small whimper as his teeth brushed against your jugular. “It… this feels kinda sudden, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all,” He said, before choosing a spot and biting. This wasn’t your first hickey, this wasn’t the first hickey he’d given you, but this was the first time Dazai’d been so violent about it, sucking viciously until a purple, bruised mark covered the area. Hot, open-mouthed kisses traveled downward, each a little more primal than the last, only pausing when he hit the unwelcoming fabric of your shirt, the annoyance eliciting something near a growl. He dropped you in a heartbeat, leaving you to wrap your legs around his waist and cling to him as he all-but tore at the offending clothing, not seeming to care what he ripped. “You wanted this, too. It’s a natural progression.”

A natural progression. That’s what it was, a natural progression.

This was the next step.

So, you didn’t complain as your shirt fell away, his coat dropping to the floor not long after. Your whimpers and yelps turned to low, muffled moans as he went on, the pain fading into a light sting. You pulled at his collar, too, beginning to undo the first button with one hand while the other remained uselessly draped over his shoulders, but if Dazai noticed your work, he didn’t see it necessary to show it. He occupied himself with pushing up your skirt, letting it pool around your hips as he groped at whatever he could reach, only growing more aggressive as you writhed against him. It was only as he slipped a finger under the edge of your panties that you spoke up.

“Bed.” Your voice cracked, the whisper coming out helplessly. “Please, Dazai.”

Again, he didn’t waste time. You were pulled wall from the wall one moment and thrown onto a plush surface the next, the terrain suddenly strange, unfamiliar. You couldn’t help but freeze-up, but Dazai wasn’t hit by the same affliction, kneeling between your legs and continuing where he’d left off. Your panties were discarded in a matter of seconds, leaving you partially dressed and unprepared when thin fingers started to run over the length of your slit, his thumb hardly making contact with your clit, testing the waters. He slid two digits in as soon as he decided your wet enough, pausing for a moment.

“You’ve touched yourself, haven’t you?” The question is punctuated by a curl, his fingertips rubbing against slick walls. The stretch made you want to whine, but you bit your lip instead, nodding as he scissored you open. You balled your fists around the sheets, closing your eyes as Dazai moved lower. “Naughty girl. You won’t be allowed to do that, anymore.”

Before you could wonder what he was doing, his mouth latched onto your clit, sucking just harshly enough to have you grinding against his face. Your thighs went stiff, then twitched, attempting to clench around Dazai’s head, but he held them open easily, his other arm too busy finger-fucking you to do much else. You almost got used to it, almost, but the moment Dazai’s fingers hit something spongy and soft, your composure was done-for. Pressure pressed down on your chest, the air choking you, but Dazai never let-up, never relaxing, not until you were clenching and squealing, slicking building up and flowing over his fingers, Dazai only slowing down to pull out.

You thought he would kiss you, or smile, or say something.

Instead, he began to undress.

You watch in anticipation as a layer fell to the floor, then another, a sensation between excitement and dread forming a tight ball in your throat. This wasn’t how you pictured it happening. This wasn’t how you wanted it to happen. It was supposed to be more… romantic, less passionate and more loving. You thought it’d feel more loving. This wasn’t how you pictured it, but you couldn’t make yourself say something.

So, you laid back and shut your eyes again. You hoped he would notice.

The kiss came too late, but you accepted it nonetheless, running your hands through his hair as his lips brushed against yours. It was conciliatory, if anything, simultaneously more apologetic than it should've been but less than it needed to be, for whatever reason. “Don’t worry,” He reassured, lining himself up with your entrance. “I’ll be gentle.”

But he wasn’t. As soon as he was inside you, all pretenses of self-control abandoned him, Dazai bucking into your wildly and forcefully. The ache was worse, eliciting something near a sob, but it was all you could do to hold onto him and let it happen. His hips rolled against yours without any regard for the way his cock couldn’t fit inside of you, determined to go deeper, faster, harder with every movement. You found yourself burying your face in his chest unconsciously, grabbing anything you could reach, just trying to find a center before Dazai ripped you away from it, again. Distantly, you could hear the bed creaking, wet sounds echoing off the walls, but his voice was close enough to overtake it all.

“Mine, mine,” He repeated, the single word turning into a mantra. The head of his cock pushes against your cervix, Dazai intent on fitting you to his shape or tearing you open in the process. “None of them can have you. You don’t belong to anyone else.”

You tried to speak, but the sound was cracked, hollow. “I don’t--”

“None of them can have you.” He pushed himself away from you, fucking into your with twice the strength and half the consideration. Still, a coil forms in the pit of your stomach, something tense and hazy taking root in your mind and refusing to leave. Something you didn’t know if you liked. “Say it. You belong to me.”

You obeyed. You weren’t sure what would happen if you didn’t. “I-I only… I only belong to you!”

Your orgasm was less earned and more torn from you, crashing down with the same delicacy of the man who’d caused it. It was suffocating, euphoric, the world going white as you forgot how to inhale, Dazai’s mouth slotting itself against yours. So enraptured in holding you, he hardly remembered to pull out, your cunt clamping down on him like a vice. Still, you felt it as cum splattered across your thighs, warm and sticky, as repulsive as it was disgustingly comforting.

Neither of you said anything, heavy pants and enduring whines monopolizing the conversation. But, after a long minute, Dazai’s attention re-focused, his eyes meeting yours and a small grin spreading across his features. His hand came up to cup your cheek and willingly, you melted into it, relaxing as he wiped the stray tears from your skin.

You only smiled back, wondering when you’d started crying.

“I’m just worried about you.”

You could’ve groaned at the familiar sentiment, hardly gathering the energy to glance up from the order you were punching into the register. Lucy was a new recruit, still green around the edges and not quite a skilled communicator, but you could appreciate her for what she was… most days. It was just the two of you on staff, at the moment, only a handful of customers in the cafe at such an ungodly time in the morning, leaving her with plenty of time to voice her oh-so-persistent concerns. It was sweet, honestly, a newer girl becoming so protective of her coworkers so quickly, and you couldn’t help but feel the same way, even if the age gap between you two was barely two years long. She wanted the best for you, and you for her.

So, you let her go on.

“Osamu’s not a nice guy.” Her voice was impassioned, just as genuine as the muffled curses she let out as a few drops of steamed milk spilled over the side of the cappuccino she was working on. “You should hear the stories Atsushi tells about him, they’re not… they’re not good. It’s hard to listen, sometimes. Especially when it’s so easy to tell he’s got the poor boy wrapped around his finger.”

“I’d hate to say it, but ‘they’re not good’ isn’t exactly compelling evidence,” You reasoned, biting the inside of your cheek. Your legs were still sore, your back aching, but you ignored the pain. That was normal, wasn’t it? For the first time, at least. “He’s a hard man to warm up to. It took me a while, too, but he’s really not as bad as he seems. Playful, but nice. With me, at least.”

Lucy sighed, shaking her head. “It’s the way he looks at you. I don’t like it,” She explained, a little too bluntly for the comment not to irk you. “Sometimes he’ll just sit and stare at you, and it’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking. He’s always asking the other girls which regulars you’re talking to, or for a copy of your schedule, and he gets so rude when we refuse. It’s not playful, it’s obsessive. Like he doesn’t trust you.”

You hoped she didn’t notice the way you frowned at her last comment. “He… he asks about my regulars?”

“Oh, all the time.” The words were too tired to be rehearsed. Not angry, annoyed. Like she was used to it. “A few of us slip up, occasionally, but nobody ever tells him anything. That doesn’t stop him from tryin’, though, nearly every time you’re not working. He tries to say it’s for the Agency, like half our customers aren’t detectives.”

Now, that got you to pause, your fingers slipping as you tried to focus on the task at hand. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Please let me know if he does it again.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” She mumbled, stopping to wave her free hand in some abstract, dismissive gesture. “Trust me. Or talk to him, do something. I just don’t want to see you cry over someone like him.”

It was hard not to smile, to thank her, even if you weren’t sure how you felt just yet. It would’ve been a lie to say you’d never had your doubts, but hearing someone else voice them was an entirely new experience, one you couldn’t say you were used to. You wanted to say that, you wanted to tell Lucy how much you appreciated her, you wanted to ask if there were supposed to be bruises on your hips, but as soon as the words made it to your tongue, they were swallowed back down, your mouth refusing to let them escape. It felt wrong, but staying quiet felt terrible.

You did the best you could, considering.

“You don’t have to answer, but…” You trailed off, unsure of how to phrase it. “Do the people you love ever start to scare you?”

For a second, she didn’t respond. She pursed her lips, something between surprise and concern coming across her expression, both emotions disappearing in an instant. A reply came eventually, tender and reassuring, but you had your answer the moment she failed to meet your eyes.

You needed to talk to Dazai.

Dumbfounded didn’t seem like the right word.

Shock would’ve been better, maybe. Dazai didn’t know how to react, flinching and laughing half-heartedly, the two acts mixing into something painful to see. He only grew more sure of your discomfort as you looked away, keeping your eyes on his walls or his rug or anything but the man who owned them, despite failing to pull away as he moved a little closer, closing the space between you. It wasn’t hard, the furniture in Dazai’s apartment as sparse as it was scattered, the loveseat no exclusion to his rule. He still hadn’t adjusted to having guests, even with all the time you’d spent together.

“Could… could you run that by me again?” He asked, the question more a whisper than a demand. “I don’t think I understand.”

“I just think it would be a good idea if we… took a break.” You were nothing short of meek, defenseless, curling into yourself as you spoke. “You haven’t been acting like yourself, lately, and everyone seems so worried about me. I don’t really think--”

“It’s those girls, isn’t it?” Dazai didn’t try to ease you into it, he couldn’t ease you into it, he was too angry to ease himself into it. That what it was, anger. Dark, ugly anger, potent enough to make him pull you closer, a hand on your knee and the other around your hips, refusing to budge when you nudged at his arm. “I knew they were against me, against us. You can’t trust anything they say, especially if it’s about me. They don’t want you to be happy--”

You cut him off abruptly, catching Dazai off-guard. Even if your actions didn’t reflect your violent tone. “They don’t want me to be with someone who can’t stand making me happy,” You retorted, digging your nails into his arm, this attempt to distance him more sincere than the last. “You don’t have to pretend you care about me, anymore, I get it. I’m some… thing, to you, that’s why you’re always checking in on me, why you’re always acting like I can’t handle myself. It’s fine, or, it was fine, I mean.” You sighed, shaking your head. Confliction wasn’t a good look for you, Dazai realized. He didn’t like that look on you. “I don’t want to do this anymore. You got my virginity, you win. I just want to go home, Dazai.”

He was silent, for a moment, as motionless as he was stiff. “You can’t do that.”

“I don’t care.” This time, you tried to get up, to pull yourself away from him, only gritting your teeth when he dragged you back down. “Let me go. I’ll call the police, if I have to.”

“And I’ll break your fingers before you can find a phone.”

You snapped around, but you didn’t have time to respond, not before you were thrown against the couch-cushions, Dazai straddling you reflexively, acting on instinct. He didn’t want to lose you, he couldn’t lose you, not after how far you’d come, how beautifully you’d opened up for him. You fought back, weak and misguided, but Dazai only had to shift his weight onto your diaphragm to stifle your rebellion, the hands soon wrapped around your neck more of a flourish than a safety-measure. You tried to grab at his wrists, but the resistance wasn’t forceful.

Still, Dazai tightened his hold, pressing up into the bottom of your chin. If only to hear that whimper he doubted you show him willingly, anytime soon.

“I thought this might happen. Chuuya used to call me crazy for planning ahead, but this always happens.” His laugh was genuine, this time, light and airy and genuine. Dazai could feel you go still under him, your stare burning holes through his skin, but he didn’t care. What you were feeling was secondary, as long as you were directing those feelings towards him. “People get inside your head, and they turn you against me. It doesn’t matter how many parasites I get rid of, there’s always a dozen there to take their place. You know how annoying that is, don’t you?”

This time, you were the speechless one, swallowing thickly before answering. “You’re insane--”

“There’s only one thing left to do, when keeping the bugs away doesn’t seem to help.” The smile that spread across his lips must’ve been wicked, because you began to struggle once again, kicking and thrashing and fighting, but Dazai was far from caring. He bent down slowly, letting you bite at his lips, not caring when blood was drawn. The metallic taste spread across your lips as he kissed you, only making him all the more keen to remind you why you belong to him, in the first place.

“I’ll just have to keep you away from all those bad influences, won’t I?”

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letters-from-eros · 4 years

Text

The Kingdoms Law

Hello everyone!! Welcome to my blog which is centered around My Hero Academia, Haikyuu and Bungou Stray Dogs. I may add more anime soon and I'll update the rules whenever I do so.

Now, lets go over my rules for requesting for all the fandoms I write for.

NSFW?

I won't do explicit NSFW. AKA full on smut. What I will do is "suggestive" content. Flirting, making out, etc. I'm sure you catch my drift.

How many characters will you do for one headcanon?

My limit is 5. 6 if they're short and I'm feeling generous or I just feel like another character that went unnamed would fit the prompt (I may do this with HC's less than 5 characters listed)

Do you take one-shot requests? What about songfics?

Yes and yes!

Angst and crackfic?

Mhm, both are on the table.

What are characters you won't write for?

I don't read the manga for the anime I watch and write for (because... Reasons. I'll start reading them soon but for now don't judge me) So I won't be any characters that were only introduced in the manga!!

AUs you won't do?

AU wise the only thing I won't do is Omegaverse because I simply don't understand how that one works, and knowing that Omegaverse is mostly used for smut, it doesn't strike me as something worth taking my own time to understand.

Will you work with things that could be seen as triggers?

I won't do prompts centered around self harm, suicide, non-con, p*dophilia, inc*st. For those last 3 see my rule about the fact I don't write smut.

Will you write prompts that center around neurodivergency/mental health.

I'd be more than happy to, as someone who is neuro-divergent. Uncommon illnesses are also on the table because I would love to educate myself more of the topic. I'll also write for physical illnesses to, I don't care if they're "oddly specific"

Will you work for my OCs?

This is a reader insert centric blog, but I would love to hear about your OCs! My ask box is always open to OC talk

Character x Character?

This is a reader insert centric blog, but I wouldn't mind hearing about your ships, otps, etc.

What gender POVs will you write for?

I work most comfortably with gender neutral and female PoVs. If the gender of the reader goes unspecified I'll do Gender Neutral to stay inclusive and all that! My blog is a safe space for everyone!

POC!Reader x Character?

YES YES YES YES YES. I am a person of color, I will definitely write for that kinda thing!! I can capture a hispanic and a black reader's point of view most easily.

You write for girl characters?

Yeah, I'm bisexual so its not hard at all for me to write for any female character lol.

General request rules?

Don't be an asshole, specify if you want something to be a oneshot of Headcanon. If you have requested something I've said was against my rules I have full liberty to deny said request.

How can I check if your requests are open or not?

My bio and I always make a post when I close my requests, and at the end of this rules page it'll specify whether requests are open or not.

You're requests are closed but I just want to say something nice or ask you a question in your ask box, is that okay?

Of course, my ask box isn't just for requests. Send whatever you want in there.

You do matchups?

I used to and I've gotten good at them, but I realized doing those don't bring me that much happiness. I do those on rare occassions now. Milestone specials and the sort.

Will you do prompts like the reader is chubby or has big glasses, etc.

Yes. I will do prompts where the reader's appearance is the prompt.

Rules for requesting Haikyuu

What teams won't you do?

All of the teams are on the table! There are very few characters/teams I feel uncomfortable with, so feel free to send in a request for anyone!

I don't have any specific character in mind for my request prompt. Can you still do it?

Only if your request is a headcanon and if you don't specify any characters I'll go with my favorites which currently are: Sugawara, Oikawa, Asahi, Tsukki. Possibly Kenma and a few others.

Info I should have in mind before requesting

I know I say I don't read manga but I do know what all the boys do as jobs and such post timeskip, so its okay to request that.

Rules for requesting My Hero Academia

I don't have a specific character in mind. Is that alright?

I'll still take the prompt as long as its a headcanon. When I take it I'll probably just go with the main UA boys. Izuku, Katsuki, and Shoto and if I feel like going the extra mile I'll also add Denki, Kirishima and Tenya.

I have a quirk specific ask in mind. Will you do it?

Yeah

Students you won't write for?

Mineta and the extra boys in 1A who get one line a season and names whom I currently can't even remember, plus those who have only been introduced in the manga. I can write for Shinsou though.

Pro heroes?

I won't write for gang orca, Mirko (I'm sorry), Endeavor (The guy makes me uncomfy as hell lmao) The ones I can write for best are the ones who are teachers at 1A

Villains?

I think the only villains whom are off the table is Chisaki and Gentle Criminal. Anyone who is in the LoV is fine.

Info I should have in mind when requesting?

I don't particularly enjoy writing for villains. I can get only a handful of there personalities right for writing with them.

Rules for requesting Bungou Stray Dogs

You said earlier you won't do anything pertaining suicide and self harm, but that's like.. Dazai's biggest personality trait.

Anything pertaining to Dazai is the only exception to this rule.

Characters you won't do?

I won't write for Kenji because he's a literal child, same goes for Kyouka (Unless its a platonic request). I won't write for Fyodor because I don't really understand his character all that well. Fukuzawa for the same reason as Fyodor. Any character who has only been introduced in the manga (I'm catching up on it though!!)

I don't really have any characters in mind for my request. Can I still send it?

Yup! And I'll probably go with my favorite characters who are: Dazai, Chuuya, Ranpo and Atsushi.

Port Mafia?

Mostly everyone in the P.M if I can get a good grasp of their personality.

I have an ability specific request in mind, will you take it?

Yup!

Info I should have in mind before requesting

I love these characters more than life itself. If you give me BSD asks I wouldn't hesitate to marry you.

Well, those are my requesting rules, please follow them.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

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givemeahug · 4 years

Note

hello! i've seen you around the archive and you seem pretty active on ao3 so i thought i would ask u for some bsd fic recs?? I was looking at ur bookmarks but you have like SO MANY. rec list :) please? :) any genre/rating is good with me. thank u have a great day!

hello anon!! thank you v much, i hope you have a great day as well!

yeah, uhhh i guess my list is kinda ridiculous lmao. XD but it’s just that there’s so much talent in the world, come on man 😭😭

also an fyi, but i’ve only been in bsd fandom for like, a month now? and i have a heavy bias for soukoku and angst lmao so there’s probably some gems out there i haven’t discovered yet but. here are some of my favs! buckle up, it’s gonna be a long ride XD i swear i tried my best to trim it.

*fyi, i left out most of the ones easily found through sorting filters and those that you can find under my bookmark rec filter- with some exceptions that i truly, wholeheartedly could not go without reccing directly.

wishing for an eternity by walking_through_autumn

T, buraiha-centric, truly fantastic portrayal of their dynamic, with a lingering bittersweetness while also being kinda soft? i just. i love this so much. they have many other buraiha fics, so I’d recommend browsing through this author’s works in general.

Beholder by Sethen

unrated. lakdsjfasd this one, as of now, is only at 1 chap posted out of 3 but i will rec anyway bc this was GUT-WRENCHING. one of dazai’s suicide attempts, i have no idea yet whether he succeeded :’)

The Boss And His Master by bluemisfortune

M, mafia boss chuuya, soukoku. oooooh their relationship is so good here. i really love the sense of suspense(?), and that it kinda showcases how chuuya honestly isn’t stupid- just not exactly clever like dazai is. he is cunning though, and that’s what makes this so sinister.

time after time by Maristella

T, soukoku. chuuya is dead and dazai is somehow able to call chuuya’s past self. this one is just. god its so lovely. there’s something so masterful in the scenes they chose to depict and the order of it. it’s *chefs kiss*

too far from you by spirallings

E, odazai, BSD Beast-verse. it’s. oh my godddd. it’s beautiful. it’s not only well-written, but the dramatic irony really heightens the emotions and i love it so so much ahhhhh!!

The Autumn Will End by TheGreatCatsby

M, Yosano-centric. Yosano stays with Mori and meets Dazai and Chuuya as a Mafia doctor. it’s stunning as a character study imo.

Static by Aryagraceling

T, ADA!Dazai meets PM!Dazai. a bit of softness and hope, bc this list needs that :’)

Armed Detective Family by Scarlet_Nin

unrated, but mostly G and T, imo. read the tin. i am very soft for supportive found families and angst. (mostly dazai’s lol)

For the Crime of Existing by Darke_Eco_Freak

T, fyozai. i just. this aches man.

…Perhaps everything by Cassie1989

T, fukuzawa/mori. im not sure why but i am very fond of their dynamic here, haha.

carve your love into my skin by Dont_Wake_The_Writer

E, soukoku, Book!Dazai. exquisite prose, incredible relationship development. also i am trash for that historical accuracy. it punched me in the gut and buried me man.

wolf among sheep by Shinkirou

M, soukoku, Dazai joins the Sheep. I enjoyed this premise a lot more than I thought I would. I especially like where they’re taking the relationship as of most recent chapters.

reciprocity by setosdarkness

T, soukoku, soulmate au. this. this killed me. that’s all i can tell you.

but i fake, it’s my fate by emilove

M, dazai/odasaku/kunikida. somehow odasaku comes back from the dead 4 years later?? it’s not very far along yet, hasn’t been updated in a while either, but I trust this particular writer. if you’re into bnha, i’d check out those ones too.

more than kin, less than kind by Anonymous

M, soukoku, but not focus. Oh, THIS ONE. THIS IS THE ONE I WOULD REC A THOUSAND TIMES OVER, I FUCKING A D O R E THIS ONE. It has such incredible, complex characterizations, intruiging development, it’s well-paced, it’s ksfdasjflaksjdal SO FUCKING AMAZING. IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE FROM THIS LIST, READ. THIS. ONE.

Nothing Noble by izanyas

M, soukoku. (i can’t believe none of their other fics have made it onto this list yet lmao. this writer is incredibly talented, definitely check out their other works later, even if this one in particular doesn’t interest you much.) ANYWAY. Mimic tries to use Chuuya instead of Oda to die. Chuuya leaves the mafia, heart-broken and enraged.

OKAY! i think im done now lol. sorry it’s still a bit of a long list, but i hope you’ll enjoy ;)

#replies #fic rec #bsd fic #bsd #anon better have ao3's mark-for-later function turned on #lol #i do not have as nearly as diverse taste as anon probably hoped #sorry about that #Anonymous #long post

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lovingnikiforov · 5 years

Text

2018 Fic Writing Round-Up

Total year-long word count: 632,603+ words…..that’s about double what I wrote for 2017 omfg

Word count by fandom: ~ Bungou Stray Dogs: 461,813+ ~ Yuri on Ice: 166,925 ~ Kuroshitsuji: 3,865

Fics completed: 33

♥ Drabbles: ~ 5 twitter prompt fills - bsd

♥ Oneshots: ~ All Dolled Up - bsd, soukoku, pwp, wyll companion ~ Workaholic - bsd, ranpoe, canon -compliant ~ Kids Again - bsd, soukoku, bartender au ~ like a moth - bsd, soukoku, mafia boss chuuya ~ Five Steps - bsd, soukoku, royalty au ~ Writer’s Block - bsd, soukoku, sugar daddy Chuuya ~ What About Trust? - bsd, soukoku, dark era ~ On the Clock - bsd, soukoku, secret relationship, au ~ A Warlord’s Conscience - bsd, kousano, feudal era au ~ No-Show - bsd, soukoku, canon-compliant ~ Sorely Missed - bsd, soukoku, hogwarts au ~ what a pair - bsd, soukoku, sugar daddy Chuuya, Writer’s Block sequel ~ Propriety - bsd, soukoku, royalty au, Five Steps sequel ~ Something to Lose - bsd, soukoku, wyll companion ~ Perfectly Pleasant - bsd, soukoku, college au ~ Shattered Glass - kuroshitsuji, gen, canon-compliant ~ A Phone Call Away - bsd, higugin, canon-compliant, manga spoilers ~ hide the truth - bsd, soukoku, amnesiac Chuuya au, canon-compliant ~ Playing Human - bsd, soukoku, pwp, incubus Chuuya, vampire Dazai ~ Unplottable - bsd, soukoku, hogwarts au, Sorely Missed sequel ~ Closer to Home - bsd, soukoku, established relationship, canon-compliant ~ A Stupid Question - bsd, soukoku, dark era (patreon exclusive) ~ Private Lessons - bsd, soukoku, pwp, like a moth sequel (patreon exclusive) ~ New Normal - bsd, soukoku, secret relationship (patreon early-release/coming soon!)

♥ Chapter Fics: ~ Shared Gravity - bsd, soukoku, college au, joint fic with ZODIACHUUYA ~ Equivalent Exchange - yoi, viktuuri, magic/fantasy au ~ where your loyalties lie - bsd, soukoku, arranged marriage/yakuza au ~ Rent a (boy)Friend - yoi, phichuuri, fake dating au

Works-in-progress: ~ even on the darkest night - bsd, gen/kyouka-centric, dystopia au, dyetyd sequel

This year I wrote and posted: 34 fics in total: 4 completed multi-chapter fics, 1 wip multi-chapter fic, 24 oneshots, 5 drabbles.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? So, so much more. I almost can’t believe how much I managed to write this year.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Kuroshitsuji. It’s not a fandom I’ve ever written for and the fic I did write was a gift fic and a prompt fill.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? Ahhh that’s hard, there are a handful of stories I am really happy with. I suppose I’ll have to go with hide the truth it was a beast of a story to write and I had a lot of fun working through soukoku’s dynamic in it.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Big time! I’ve been using my fic writing to really challenge myself in terms of my stories. My biggest risk was just in terms of quantity, I spent much of the year juggling four wips and a patreon with additional content. Getting through everything month-to-month was hard but it really helped my efficiency and increased my writing speed.

Your best story of this year: Hmm, this is a hard one. Honestly, I’d have to say Equivalent Exchange. It was a massive undertaking with a lot of characters and plot lines to keep track of. As a fantasy piece, the worldbuilding was extremely intensive.

Your most popular story of this year: By a slim margin with EE, my most popular story this year was where your loyalties lie.

Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion: Any rare-pair story is going to have a hard time getting views, but I honestly think A Warlord’s Conscience is one of my best stories of the year and it was my third least popular fic.

Most fun story to write: The Hogwarts AU verse (Sorely Missed and Unplottable) was a lot of fun! I was a big HP nerd growing up so it was enjoyable to dive back into the universe.

Story with the single sexiest moment: Playing Human. By a long mile. Easily one of the most explicit stories I’ve written for bsd. Honorable mention goes to All Dolled Up.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: This honor also goes to Playing Human. I grew up really religious and they’re in a church and I did not back away from any form of sacrilege.

Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters: Hmmm, I can’t say I had any real shift in character perceptions this year.

Hardest story to write: where your loyalties lie. There was a lot going on in that story and the character development/journeys were really delicate, especially for Chuuya.

Biggest disappointment: tbh...I don’t think I feel disappointed with any of my stories this year. Progress!

Biggest surprise: Writer’s Block, I wasn’t expecting people to like it as much as they did, much less to the degree of requesting a sequel.

Most unintentionally telling story: where your loyalties lie. Anyone who read the Author’s Commentary of the fic probably has a good grasp of how many of my personal struggles over the course of the year got projected into the fic. There were also a few other personal things from years past that also get referenced.

Favorite opening line(s): ~ There was something that came alive when the sun went down. - Playing Human ~ Sometimes Dazai finds it hard not to think that the person responsible for making text cursors blink just had a sick sense of humor rather than any practical reasoning for the programming decision. - Writer’s Block

Favorite closing line(s): ~ It felt like a dagger in the gut to know that he’d already made his choice. - What About Trust? ~ And if Viktor is imagining the way the moonlight seems to shine brighter when they pull back from their embrace, well, he can’t quite see a problem with that. - Equivalent Exchange

Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere: ~ He can trace the features of the figures depicted, all wholly inaccurate but it’s not as if the religious painters would bother to consult a vampire on matters like the faces of the figures they exalted to sainthood. - Playing Human ~ The very idea is absurd but it is the only explanation that explains both his pain and the fact that he is holding a building in his hands, lifting through dense fog to float in mid-air and stare at…at…Is that a fucking dragon? - hide the truth ~ It takes a bigger effort to get to his feet than it ever has, and for a moment Chuuya wonders if his ability is working against him, if gravity has decided to press down on him in retribution for every time Chuuya has ever felt weightless - wyll, ch. 13 ~ A dependency on alcohol is gradually self-destructive, a dependency on a person is instantly debilitating. - wyll, ch. 11 ~ Just as Viktor said, it's nothing like a duel, but Yuri wishes someone had told him that a real battle was as close to hell as a living human could get. - EE, ch. 18

Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated: ~ Yuuri showing up on the battlefield - Equivalent Exchange (ch. 18) ~ Chuuya’s tattoo - wyll (ch. 20) ~ Kouyou standing in the garden - A Warlord’s Conscience ~ Drunk Phichit and Yuuri dancing salsa - Rent a (boy)Friend (ch. 8) ~ tbh any bit from All Dolled Up

Fic-writing goals for next year: Hmm, I’ve been toying with trying my hand with a new fandom. It’s been a while since I’ve taken that jump with new characters so I’d like to do that in 2019!

#dessa.txt #fic tag #t: my fic #t: fic review #long posts

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bungoustraypups · 2 years

Text

I posted 1,870 times in 2021

94 posts created (5%)

1776 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 18.9 posts.

I added 2,203 tags in 2021

#luck.txt - 699 posts

#luck.rb - 597 posts

#bsd - 292 posts

#save - 168 posts

#art - 109 posts

#luck.org - 81 posts

#template - 72 posts

#me - 66 posts

#crack - 60 posts

#docs - 59 posts

Longest Tag: 89 characters

#its just chumming the terf water and then shooting the terfs who come and try saying smth

My Top Posts in 2021

Fic thing: "I’ve done this song and dance before."

fic title: hopes & dreams & baby things

"I've done this song and dance before, many, many times. I know a look like that when I see one."

Chuuya purposefully turns his face away from Kouyou's eyes as she speaks her next words with purpose: "How long has it been since the two of you started seeing each other again?"

There's really no getting out of this one, is there? Well, at least she only knows half the story so far (he supposes that her reaction would be far less calm if she knew any more than that.)

send me an ask with the first sentence of a fanfic and i’ll write the next five **BONUS FOR ME:** if you send in the title of one i’ve already posted, i’ll write the next five sentences. let’s see if we can build a fic, shall we?

og post

19 notes • Posted 2021-09-11 12:22:14 GMT

hey fellas

if i were to make a BSD fanfic-writer centric server, right. and it’d be a server where all confirmed members could have their own channel (if they wanted) to talk about their fics and share their work/excerpts/etc. and there’d be specific ping roles for specific content like ships/characters/genres, as well as specific user’s (within the server) content. and it was mainly focused on encouraging each other to create and giving feedback.

would anyone here be interested in joining it? or maybe even signal boosting it when/if it goes up? cause i’d love to make one! also it’d be for all fic writers, whether you do reader-insert/self-insert, ocs, canons, whatever!

22 notes • Posted 2021-10-07 05:56:58 GMT

i am majorly inclined to believe that whenever a terf tries talking about how they’ve totally been harassed by just so many trans women/transfems/tras/etc, they are absolutely lying, or at the least, lying by omission, or deliberately misleading people by convincing them that something that was never present in the interaction totally was because um uh they said so, especially when they claim these interactions happened online and yet mysteriously offer absolutely NO viable proof of any kind of said interactions.

and this has nothing to do with like, not believing victims of abuse and such. i myself am a victim of horrific abuse, after all, a good bit of it being sexual in nature, and most of that abuse happening when i was a child (both before and after i came out as trans, btw, my csa had nothing to do with my trans identity bc the feelings i had prior to coming out AND EVEN prior to the csa have remained the same at their core, AKA “im really not a girl at all honestly”). i am even a victim of abuse at the hands of other trans people, only i have the critical thinking skills to realize they didn’t abuse me because they were trans, they abused me because at their core, they were cruel and abusive people with shit personalities, and that’s why they abused me, and also i have this cool thing called a brain which i use frequently enough to not decide to hate an entire diverse group of human beings because some of them hurt me (and i’ve been abused by both transmasc/trans men and transfem/trans women, actually more trans men/transmascs than trans women/transfems, but yknow, that really doesn’t matter, i’m just pointing out why the terf talking points are not gonna work on me lmao). notably, however, most of the major abusers in my life excluding my stepdad have actually been cis women/cis girls, and i see way more similarities between my abusers and terfs than i ever have between trans people of any alignment and my abusers.

the reason why i largely cannot take terfs at their word when they claim they’ve faced harassment by tras/trans women/transfems/trans folk, is simply because: the core of their group and their movement is complete and violent hatred against amab trans folk, and then hatred and violence towards afab trans folk usually in the form of attempted conversion therapy which is by definition literally always non-consensual in some way shape or form and also by definition includes abuse because you can’t do conversion therapy without abusing someone somehow. how the fuck do you expect me to believe someone who ALREADY hates us, who intentionally reads everything we do in bad faith, when they try to tell me that this harassment totally happened?

look at me in my eyes, do you think i am that gullible? do you think i am so naive as to do that? me? a fat disabled neurodivergent mentally ill black gay non-binary trans man living in the south, who has been subject to the testimonies and attacks from various hate groups for various reasons and knows how they operate? do you think i do not learn from my lived experiences what these people do? would you believe a known, loud and proud n/zi if they told you they were totally beat up by just, so many 100% real-not-fake-strawmen jewish people behind the local dennys for no reason at all? would you do that? i hope to whatever god, goddess, or deities you worship that you would not. because i HOPE you can see why that might not be a good idea. it is for the same reason i do this with terfs.

i came to this conclusion after many interactions with terfs against my will, as well as being subject to their posts about supposed “violence” they encountered which, when i did some investigating (when i was able to, or when i was mentally well enough to do so because simply seeing their bios is enough to exhaust me and make me almost physically ill), turned out to be complete and utter bullshit, and what was usually going on was either:

they were claiming that a post someone, trans or otherwise, made about hating/wishing violence on terfs specifically bc terfs are disgusting, was ACTUALLY based on the fact that they were a woman somehow and not because they were a terf, which is the REAL problem, but bc terfs love to pretend to be victims, they insidiously twist words bc they KNOW ppl who are reading stuff online usually don’t go and do deeper research and just accept it at face value, and then are like “omg i can’t believe this violent TRA hates women it’s because i’m a poor widdle uterus-vagina-having woman and totally not because i believe trans women/transfems should all be violently murdered and trans men/transmascs are just poor lost lesbians/gnc women who need literal conversion therapy to convince them they are women! it’s only because im a FEMALE”

they took a post or statement which was not aimed at anyone in particular and are now telling people (whether it be reporters writing these stupid shitty news articles, or via their own platforms like “educational” youtube videos n such) that it was totally directed towards them in particular when in reality it was not

they took a post which was sarcastic and/or meant to be a joke, sometimes even clearly stated to be a joke in its source, and deliberately and in bad faith told others that it was serious, interpreted it as such KNOWING it to be false, and then used it as an example as to why those “horrible violent tras” totally hate real women or whatever, and the rest of the bozos reading it went “omg so true!” because they don’t possess enough critical thinking skills to read something inane and realize “this is probably a joke or something”

they fell for a troll, like, the trolliest of most obvious trolls, because they hate trans people SO MUCH they’re willing to take ANYTHING they can use as a weapon against us and use it, and that and that alone should honestly prove to you why they are untrustworthy

like sorry not sorry. terfs are literally unable to see interactions with trans people as anything other than “violence” against them because that’s how fucking much they hate us. so why in the name of bast would you expect me to believe them at face value just ‘cause some trans people do bad shit? like i already know some trans people are garbage. but 99.9% of the time, that is simply because they suck AS PEOPLE and has zip doodle squat to do with their identity.

i am not a fool. terfs see trans people the same way white supremacists see black and brown folk like myself, the same way eugenicists see disabled/mentally ill/neurodivergent/fat people like myself, the same way n/zis see anyone who isn’t Well You Know like myself, the same way every hate group ever sees anyone who isn’t like them like myself. they’re all wearing the same brand of glasses, it’s just some of ‘em have different tints on the lense, and some people are even wearing more than one at the same time lmao. y’all are transparent as fuck and are terrified of more people seeing right through you just like i do.

keep crying about how TRAs totally definitely harassed and/or abused you cause youre a woman and not cause youre a nasty terf. sure. and when you’re done with that, i have some lovely beachfront property in idaho i’d like to sell you :)

23 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 08:25:47 GMT

See the full post

30 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 21:43:12 GMT

hi pls rb this!

so. this isnt an announcement i ever wanted to make and not something i wanted ppl to know but its gotten to the point where not saying it is only going to end up worse than saying it so! here we go. note, this has nothing to do with anyone aside from myself. its 100% my problem and my decision and nobody here or anywhere else is at fault.

to make an extremely long story short, i literally cannot physically survive in my current home anymore. period. and right now, there is nothing i can do to even *start* working to improve that. i need time away from the home to heal and like, *actually* work on fixing myself, getting help, etc. but the problem with that is i have no money. as well as no reliable source of income. so. one of two things is happening.

im giving myself a deadline. two weeks from today (nov 22), i either manage to get enough money to at least temporarily live somewhere else via donations, OR, i go put myself into inpatient somewhere. the bottom line is i cant keep living where i am, physically. its not an abuse situation dw, it's just. the actual physical conditions are unliveable for me. and i dont have anywhere else to go anymore.

if you can, you can donate to me. if you can't, don't worry about it, but please do at least consider spreading my social media posts im making about it (i'll link them under this when theyre up). i dont really know how to put into words how very serious this is but trust me when i say that it is. nobody *has* to do anything for me, ofc, nobody's obligated. but as my friends, family, n people i care about in general, i think you deserve to know that my limit has officially been reached.

outside of the financial situation im begging everyone to just be kind to me for now, extra kind even. i might be focused mostly on myself/my own creations and maybe a few other people's rn and its not a personal thing. im just trying to find everything and anything that makes me happy so i dont completely drown in the sinking ship that is my mental state. im not saying you *have* to engage with any of my content, but i do kindly ask that if you have the time/energy and see me posting about stuff that engaging with it makes me feel really good and helps me if only for a moment, yknow?

thats all. my cashapp is $kingoffankids and thats really the only way i can accept donations, i cant use paypal :') but. yeah. im sorry if ive disappointed any of you or let any of you down, but i gotta take care of myself, and sometimes that unfortunately means i'm an inconvenience for others. please just be patient and kind with me, and overall compassionate. thanks

if u cant donate im literally begging you to reblog lol. my goal is to try to get idk 1k USD before the 2 weeks are up. even if i get like a few hundred tho ill be happy at least i can get a hotel, i just have to find somewhere pet friendly so i can bring my cats

241 notes • Posted 2021-11-08 20:30:06 GMT

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