#it’s okay to not engage with those kinds of posts if it makes you uncomfortable- that doesn’t affect your morality in any way
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It’s wild how shipping culture has changed so drastically over time on the internet.
In the old days people shipped characters who either had only one line of dialogue with each other, never even met, or not even from the same piece of media. It was the wild west and sure some ships were uncomfortable but people had the mindset to just block the tag and stay away from ships they didn’t enjoy.
Nowadays? It’s more like people have to clarify that their ship isn’t canon compliant, character adjacent, and story irrelevant otherwise they get a flood of comments saying “but this character isn’t like this in canon” and some people legitimately get angry if you’re not following the canon.
Like- shipping and fandom culture from what I understand it is about engaging with media in a way that caters to you. And if you don’t like a ship or show just… block the relevant tags and don’t engage in the ships? The internet isn’t supposed to cater to us- we have to cater ourselves to our internet environment. And no matter how many times people may harass others over a fandom or ship they don’t like, those ships are not gonna disappear.
The internet has just been getting worse when people have decided to place morality in their opinions by saying things like “if you enjoy the ship then you support (insert horrible thing here that’s usually completely unrelated to the ship itself)” when it used to be “eh, not my thing” and people just moved on.
And for the record this isn’t about a specific ship or anything- just an observation of how fandom has evolved (and regressed) over the years and I find it fascinating from a sociological perspective cause we still don’t know how having the internet from birth affects the development of kids and how that affects how they interact with others- isn’t that scary?
I know that’s slightly unrelated but the way people engage in media has been changing over they years and that also involves fandom and the maturity level thereof in the internet space and someone smarter than me could probably write a whole thesis paper about fandom culture and how the internet has hindered the social development of people and how that affects community specifically from a fandom lens.
Just- for your sanity younger internet children: it’s not worth harassing others over something as trivial as ‘it’s not canon that this character kisses another character.’ Just find ships you like. Block ships you don’t. And just enjoy your time doing what you like!
You can’t control the internet but you can nurture your little corner of it.
#shipping#canon ship#non canon ships#reader x character#self ship#I get so tired of seeing shipping posts and the comments or reply tweets are nothing but ‘but this isn’t canon tho!!!’#sonny when I was your age we shipped characters who never even met in canon!#even with ships I don’t like- I get exhausted seeing people get bombarded by fourteen year olds who haven’t developed critical thinking yet#every day I agree more that people under 18 shouldn’t have access to the internet#this can also apply to people who act like ‘if you dont reblog or boost this post (insert social issue here) then you’re a bad person!!’#like… no#you don’t have to apply moriality to a stinkin’ reblog button!#sure informing people is important but you don’t have to take the responsibility of the world’s issues#we’re all doing the best we can and you don’t have to prove your morality to be a good person#it’s okay to not engage with those kinds of posts if it makes you uncomfortable- that doesn’t affect your morality in any way#For example: I’m never gonna reblog gory posts showing battle zones#does that mean I support war? absolutely not!#I’m just protecting my mental health! and you need to as well#the internet is yours to make it how you want and if you want it to be an escape from the horrors of the world that’s okay#protect your happiness fam
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Can I poke the bear for a moment and get angry? Because I'm seeing "posting as activism" more and more in fandom spaces, and tonight I saw a post that made me lose it.
There is a post about (current events) going around that says, "full offense, but in this time, your own comfort doesn't fucking matter, you should be uncomfortable about things that are happening, and I hope you can fucking live with yourselves if you are quiet. It takes five seconds to retweet or reblog, fuck your aesthetic, fuck your anything aesthetic."
And my god. How dare they.
Yes, there is severely fucked up shit happening. Yes, people should be aware that people are being killed. Yes, there are people who are just shrugging about it and pissing off. But how does reblogging a post certify someone as Good or Bad? How does this person know that someone hasn't already helped out meaningfully in some way, or is still helping out, but on other websites? How does this person know that someone isn't barely holding on by the skin of their teeth, and they would have a mental breakdown if they got closer to any more stressful things?
I know a multitude of people, including myself, who have recently either needed to call lines, check into facilities, move back in with their parents, or go on medication because of how insane things have become in their own lives. How does this person not understand that blogging; being on tumblr; engaging in fandom, having a small space that someone can control in its entirety, is a reprieve for people who are already at their wit's end outside of that space? And that's okay.
(We are not doing the relative privation shit in this house. I refuse to entertain that.)
Ironically, by insisting that people participate in sharing posts when they're already stressed and exhausted, that's a surefire way to make their problems worse, and potentially prevent them from acting helpfully in the future because suddenly, their exhaustion turns into full-blown burnout. That's how it works. Professionals tell you to dial things back if you are too overwhelmed. There is a reason for that. There is a limit to how much people can mentally process and handle. Compassion fatigue exists. For a lot of us, we are already at our limit. We need space to relax, and not have arbitrary obligations thrown on us. That is not our fault, it is not a character flaw, it does not mean we are bad people. And just because horrific things are happening elsewhere, it does not mean we can, or should, stop taking care of ourselves first. Yes, it feels shitty to think, "you know what, I can't reblog this". You bet your ass that I and my friends feel guilty about not being able to engage as much as we think we should, but that is how it goes. I can put my head underwater for a bit. But I cannot keep my head underwater forever. I will drown.
Not to mention the obvious part: guilt-tripping people to the extent of implying they are somehow contributing to genocide, just because they won't reblog a post, and implying they should not be able to live with themselves if they do that, is beyond revolting.
I am angry, and I am not sorry.
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So many of those kinds of posts—and they turn up during every set of horrific real world events—sound like people who are in a country far away from the events, diaspora at most but probably just randos, venting their impotent rage because it's the only way they can feel productive in a situation where nothing they can do is productive.
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idk if anyone else is feeling this or if I'm just being overly senstive but I feel like being online, especially on tumblr, is such a hostile minefield lately??
like there isn't a day that goes by I don't see a post that's like 'if you're into this you're disgusting' or 'if you ship this couple block me' and I feel like it's just constant. I think to myself like okay so what are we actually allowed to do online anymore 😭😭 I'm always gonna write and draw what I want and what makes me happy but it's always at the back of my mind like damn everyone is so mean lately can we not just be nice and supportive and if you don't like something you don't have to interact or engage... you don't need to post 'this character would never do this' or 'this character doesn't suit this trope' it just comes across so rude and makes being online in a community so uncomfortable.
This isn't at anyone in particular btw I'm just seeing it a lot. This isn't a new take by all means I know fandom is different and everyone wishes it was how it used to be when people were supportive and engaging I just am so tired of seeing it everyday. I missing having the freedom to just post stories and art without thinking. It's impossible to make everyone happy but it's so jarring to think of how many stories are going untold and works of art aren't being made out of fear of being told you're wrong or gross and blah blah blah.
I just want us all to have fun online again 🥹
And to those moots and followers who do motivate me and support me and other creators ilysm thank u for being a flicker of hope and kindness in the community
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#is this a lil bit lame and/or cringe?#perhaps but we ball#some of the stuff ive been seeing man...... ANNOYING#anyway good morning i am upright and online#hope ur all having lovely days thus far#mwah mwah
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Remus In December
Headcanons about post-Hogwarts Remus in December and around the holidays
warnings: none
words: 0.4k
- I feel like people may disagree with me on this but Remus is not a winter guy
- He loves fall over anything else and he gets kind of annoyed to see it turn into winter after the best season ever
- He does love the food and drinks during the holidays tho
- Like literally this man has never had a cold drink in his life, and so he loves cider, tea, hot chocolate, and all those
- Plus I can see him with a candy cane in his mouth constantly, especially if he's trying to quit smoking (because the only thing hotter than a man smoking is a man quitting smoking)
- He's okay at wrapping gifts. Like if it's boxy he can do it, but everything else, he'll just throw it into a bag
- Also the king of personal gifts. It's partly because he doesn't have as much money as Sirius and James so he can't beat them there, but he always goes the personal, heartfelt route with gifts (and slays it every time)
- Wears the warmest, coziest clothes (as always, but especially in the winter)
- Has no less than a million candles burning all season
- Simple decor, he definitely has like those popcorn and cranberry garlands plus like dried oranges and all that
- Doesn't like christmas songs other than that like slow, chill music you would hear at a classy christmas party
- He's the kind of guy to say shit like "I just want to spend time with my friends and family" when anyone asks him what he wants, but it's a lie because he definitely wants new books, sweaters, candles, and more
- Remus engages in some holiday baking and makes some mean ass cookies every single year
- Perfect for cuddling or even just warming your hands in these cold times because he's a walking space heater for sure
- He is the mean voice of reason and tells the other marauders not to eat snow or icicles because rooftops and the ground are disgusting
- He enjoys the season, as long as he's inside and warm and comfortable during this often uncomfortable time of the year
#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x you#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin headcanon#marauders era#marauders fanfiction#marauders fluff#marauders headcanon#christmas
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Why Twilight is better when we make it gay
a overly detailed, totally unecessary, post that wants to prove that Twilight is better when we make it 🏳️🌈 GAY 🏳️🌈
So, follow along 👇🏻
Esme with This Bella
Kinda of set up the vibes of Carine or something, so I'm all on board with this. You know, this Bella has some serious aspirations in life. She's getting her master's degree, maybe a doctorate even, in Philosophy, Greek Mythology, ancient history, literatute or something oddly specific that takes a full minute to even say it. You know, she's a nerd. Esme loves her for it.
Bella also loves to spend a ridiculous amount of time listening to Esme talk about anything, she also sits in the garden with a book when Esme is arms deep in the dirt, and they for sure spend their days off making food for homeless people or volunteering in shelters or knitting clothes and blankets for donation. Well, Esme does most of the knitting, but Bella has no problem holding the wool for her.
Rosalie with This Bella
Okay, so this Bella is still pretty shy and clumsy, but she has a backbone and knows what she wants. She’s also a flirt, even if a bit awkward because of her shyness. She also has a stack of dad jokes ready to be used and she’s not afraid of doing so. You can’t blame her, she’s just socially weird and she makes jokes when she’s uncomfortable. Which Rosalie gets. She doesn’t hate Bella for no reason at all, as we see in most Rosella’s fics, she’s just determined to keep a safe distance. It all goes to shit, obviously, when Bella starts showing up at her house to work on a school project with Edward.
Bella is a mess around Rosalie. A gay mess. She stumbles over her words and her face is constantly red, but she keeps smiling and she finds Rosalie’s sneers particularly funny. She breaks Rosalie’s walls by not doing anything else, really. She’s just there, and she talks with Rosalie, and she has no problem backing away when Rosalie needs a break.
When they get together, Bella’s favorite activity is to ride in Rosalie’s fancy cars. She’s still scared, but she loves it when Rosalie goes so fast that everything outside is a blur. Sometimes they will ride in complete silence, sometimes there’s song playing, sometimes they start telling stories to each other, sometimes Bella has a whole new stack of dad jokes to tell.
Bella also develops a taste for motorcycles, a passion she’s eager to engage with Jasper. So, every once in a while, Rosalie will be working in the garage under a car and she will hear Bella’s bike pulling outside. She just knows she’s supposed to go there, so she goes and finds Bella waiting for her with a helmet and a bright smile. Rosalie is smitten.
Bella also has a way to make Rosalie feel like she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. She is aware of her beauty, always has and always will be, but she can’t help but feel special when Bella looks at her with those green eyes that kind of makes her forget that the world is fucked up. At least for a while.
They would go off to college together. Rosalie would be getting another engineering degree and Bella would get a bachelor's in Chemistry or Biology, maybe Psychology. She would whine and complain every day, though Rosalie is sure she’s only doing that to piss her off.
And Bella would have to learn to enjoy baseball because Rosalie just loves it.
Alice with This Bella
These two are the only ones I see working with Bella’s personality being the closest to canon. You know, happy little Alice with a slightly depressed Bella, who also has some low self-esteem problems. Bella is aware of her intelligence, though, and she also would impose some clear boundaries, like not sneaking into her room while she was sleeping and making her a part of discussions to make decisions and not just dropping shit at her for her to deal with. Alice has zero problems with her immortality, so she would have no problem turning Bella when the girl felt ready, although she asks Bella to be sure she had experienced everything she wanted as a human beforehand.
In this scenario, Alice doesn’t force Bella to be her personal human Barbie doll. Actually, she steals Bella’s hoodies very often, to the point where the girl has to have a search party in Alice’s gigantic closet one day. One of their favorite thing to do together would be to watch the stars and Alice finds it amusing to come up with fake information about space or fake names for constellations. It took Bella a very long time to notice this and, by the time she did, she had already spread some of it to her friends. They also go to the movies a lot and there’s a lot of dancing in the rain, even if Bella can’t barely keep herself standing.
Alice would be Charlie’s absolute favorite, of course. They would be pals, you know. Charlie would take her fishing one day - when Alice manages to convince him to go somewhere other than La Push - and he would teach her very patiently all he knew.
Tanya with This Bella
This Bella is grumpy. She has a lot of self-derogatory jokes to make, she’s sarcastic and she likes using it as a weapon. Tanya finds it not so amusing, quite concerning actually, but then Bella will flash her with one of her side smiles that makes her knees go ridiculously weak and Tanya will forget what she should be worried about.
Bella moves slowly, very slowly, and her shoulders are a bit drooped as if she can’t hold herself straight. For Tanya, it takes a lot of patience because, even with how much time she had to adjust to humans, she’s not used to spending so much time around one. Especially one that takes so long to get down the stairs for no reason. Tanya is also the most romantic person alive, so Bella needs to be prepared to basically everything.
Tanya is sugar mommy. Bella tries to fight it, but there’s no point. Tanya is always giving her presents, booking tickets, taking her to weekend getaways, and making every single desire come to life. It takes Bella out of balance in the beginning. She doesn’t know how to deal with it, to the point where she asks Irina to help her talk with Tanya to slow down a bit. It helps… until Bella shows a slight interest in something new and things skyrocket again.
They met in college. Tanya is a teacher - not her teacher because that would be too much - and Bella is getting her degree in History or Sociology. Bella can skate, so it’s not uncommon for Tanya’s students to leave her classroom and find Bella leaning against the wall holding her skate under her arm while waiting for her to go get lunch.
Once she turns, Bella goes around feeling very proud of her coven leader wife, but she wants nothing to do with it. She would hate the responsibility of it.
Kate with This Bella
Have you ever heard of a chaotic duo? They’re it.
Bella is all about adventures and trying new things, and Kate is… well, she has zero respect for humans’ mortality, which almost becomes a problem once or twice. Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar had to remind her more than once that humans couldn’t jump from a plane with no parachute, even if Kate was supposed to grab her before hitting the ground. It’s not like she doesn’t care if Bella gets hurt, because she does! Her eyes fill with tears that will never drop every time she sees even a scratch on Bella’s skin - which happens quite a lot - but she hasn’t been human for a long time and it’s easy to forget a few things when she gets excited about something.
They would do everything together and Kate would teach her to do anything she knew, like surf or change a house’s electric system. Eventually, after Bella is turned and good to go, they would totally have one of those handyman services where they would go around town helping people with the most mundane of things like installing a shower, changing the plumbing, changing tires, all of that. They would have fun doing those things and then running as fast as they could to jump off a cliff at the end of the day.
#Twilight#gay twilight#bella swan#esme cullen#rosalie hale#alice cullen#tanya denali#kate denali#bella x rosalie#bella x alice#bella x esme#bella x tanya#bella x kate#kristen stewart
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Naughty or Nice - Chapter 11
Summary: Negan and his family go ice skating with the Greene family. While he's there Negan has some very important conversations with a few people that will change the course of his future.
Characters: Negan, Beau, Maggie, the reader (OC), Glenn, Beth, Erin etc.
AO3 Link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/51464518/chapters/133869538
Warnings: Swearing, angst, dirty talk, etc.
Notes: My nap ran a little over so I'm post this very, very late. I hope you enjoy it and as always, thanks to those of you who do comment! That kind of stuff fuels a writer to finish things.
“I can’t believe she really pulled this whole thing off,” Beau rambled while he sat down beside Negan at a bench getting his ice skates on. After the snowstorm last night, it had been more than enough snow to cross off the final requests that Beau had given Y/N when she asked him what he wanted to do for Christmas. Earlier in the day all of them had gone sledding at a location together, went home for a while to relax and now they were at the area in the small town where they were doing ice skating. “I asked so much of her and she was able to do everything that I asked and then some before Christmas.”
“She’s incredible,” Negan agreed with his son, tying his ice skates together letting out a loud sigh when he gazed out at Y/N. It was hard holding back on their emotions in public and having to hide things from everyone. Having her so far off in the distance pretending to be with Glenn always made Negan feel so uncomfortable. Even though they had a good night together, Negan could tell that Y/N was really upset about the things that she had discovered about her father and mother. It was weighing heavy on her and it was obvious to Negan that she was upset. Most of the night they had talked about their future together. Negan was doing his best to make her feel loved, hoping that she would see the light in the future she could have with him. Maybe it was strange, but they focused heavily on the idea of that baby they suggested they have together. This was all very fast, but it went with that old saying, you know when you know. And Negan knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this girl. During the night and morning she tried really hard to pretend that she was okay. There was no questioning that she was good at putting up a façade, but Negan knew better. “I think that booklet you found has really upset her. Everything with her father and mother has really distraught her.”
“How couldn’t it?” Beau leaned back on the bench that he was sitting on with Negan. Erin’s giggles were heard and they could see that Beth was holding Erin’s hand while they skated together on the ice. That was another good thing about being here. Beth had been great with Erin and Beau from the start. When they got here, Erin was so eager to go out on the ice and the only one that could keep up with her was Beth, but Negan trusted her. She had proved time and time again that she was good with his children so Negan was happy that Erin could find joy with Beth. “That’s a lot to find out all in one night dad. That her mother was actually alive for that small amount of time. To know that her father was part of it all and he was actually engaged to her mother? That’s an explosion of information.”
“It is,” Negan’s gaze fell upon Hershel who was at the other end of the ice rink speaking to Annette about something. Those two looked like they were fighting and it made Negan think about how Annette had finally told Hershel off last night. “We were really close to being thrown out last night.”
“I know. I was at the bottom of the stairs with Annette and Y/N when the two of you were fighting,” Beau mentioned to his father making a very dramatic expression. “I heard what he said. I’m glad Annette made it clear that she wasn’t going to let that happen,” Beau nudged his father with his shoulder, a wicked smirk tugging at his lips. “It must feel good to know that Annette gave you permission to be with her daughter.”
“Sure, it’s nice,” Negan began, holding his hands out like he was weighing something between the two of them. “But then again Beau, I would have been with Y/N whether I had her blessing or not. I love that girl and nothing is stopping me from being with her.”
“Like a true romantic,” Beau gloated, patting Negan on the shoulder. It made the bridge of Negan’s nose wrinkle and he chuckled at how Beau was speaking.
Lifting his head back up, Negan couldn’t help but steal another look at Y/N with Glenn. They didn’t look like they were talking either. What Y/N really needed right now was someone that would talk things out with her and show their support to her. Glenn was lacking in those areas. So right now she had to feel like she was completely alone and Negan hated that.
“I know she wants to talk to her father about everything, but she isn’t. I know she’s scared and I don’t blame her,” Negan noted letting his thoughts escape his lips. “It’s so strange Beau because I tell you what? At work? This woman doesn’t give a shit what people think about her. And she is the biggest ball buster. But what her family does to her? It breaks my heart because she is a spitfire. It’s like these people drain her and I hate it.”
“I still think she’s that person, I just think she’s just afraid of being hurt,” Beau insinuated throwing his hands about while trying to gather what he was thinking. “People at work really don’t mean anything in the long run. Sure, they are the people you are with every day so you have to be civil enough to deal with that, but the people here? They are her family. They are the people that are supposed to love her from the start. Yet they have broken her down and made her feel terrible.”
“You know,” Negan lifted his arm enough to reach up to mess his fingers through Beau’s dark hair. “For a boy that is so talented with everything that he does, I can see you being a psychiatrist when you get older because you are so…”
“Deep?” Beau’s eyebrows bounced up and Negan chuckled. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”
“Highly intelligent and emotionally levelheaded was more what I was going for,” Negan hooked his arm around Beau’s shoulders to give him a firm hug. “At your age, I was not as bright as you are. You impress me every day.”
“I’m just perceptive and very aware of people’s emotions,” Beau admitted, resting his head against Negan’s chest to allow his father to pull him close. “People are easy to read if you take the time to notice,” Beau slurred out, tipping his head up to stare up at Negan who looked proud of him. “Speaking of which…you’ve been acting weird today too. What’s going on with you?”
“Beau,” Negan half laughed when he allowed Beau to sit back up straight again, “I think that’s a loaded question because so much has happened in the last few days that I don’t even know where to start. Hiding my relationship with Y/N is a hard one for starters.”
“Right,” Beau seemed to linger on what his father said before he shook his head, “I get that. I know what you mean, but you’ve just been odd around both Y/N and Maggie. Like you have something on your mind.”
“Oh,” Negan’s lips parted, shrugging as he debated if he could even talk to Beau about the things that he was thinking about. “It’s complicated.”
“When isn’t it with you?” Beau countered and it made Negan scoff, but also laugh at his son’s bluntness. “I don’t mean that to be rude dad, but you are in a sticky situation here with Y/N. It’s been nothing but complicated since we got here.”
“Okay then. Are you okay with me asking your opinion on a few things?” Negan knew that this wasn’t what he should be putting on his son, but Beau was always very good at giving his view on things. And he was always usually right. “Would you care if I married Y/N on New Years?”
“No,” Beau immediately answered folding his arms out in front of his chest, his eyebrows furrowing. How fast he answered surprised Negan. He knew that Beau liked Y/N, but the fact he was so okay with even the idea of that was something in itself. “Is that what you are planning on doing?”
“I asked her to marry me last night,” Negan informed his son and shock flooded Beau’s features when he sat forward.
“Did you give her the ring that you had gotten for Maggie?” Beau blurt out causing Negan to hush his son, placing his finger over his lips. Beau seemed confused when Negan shook his head. “Where did you get a ring?”
“It was kind of informal and not completely official. I asked her to marry me and then I gave her a ring pop,” Negan explained to Beau who stared out at him thinking he was joking. When Negan’s face remained serious, Beau laughed out loud and tried covering his mouth to hide his amusement. “It was cherry flavored.”
“And that worked?” Beau couldn’t help but be amused with his father’s answer. Nodding, Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and Beau shrugged. “I guess she thought that was romantic, huh?”
“Listen, it was romantic,” Negan defended himself, holding his hand up in the air before placing it to his chest. “We walked around the loop again. It was snowing really hard and I asked her to marry me. She mentioned the whole ring thing and I remembered that your sister had given me a ring pop earlier. So I asked her with that. It’s a place holder for a real ring. One that we will get when we return to New York. I’ll ask her again the right way when we are home and then I want to marry her on New Years.”
“Okay, okay,” Beau snickered to himself knowing that his dad seemed quite proud of the whole thing. “You couldn’t at least swing for one of those mixed ring pops where they are two flavors?”
“All I had was cherry,” Negan recalled drawing Beau to snort with his laughter and Negan sighed. Beau visibly thought his proposal was tacky, but Negan was proud of it and he thought it was very sweet. At least he was happy when he thought back on the moment he shared with Y/N when he asked her. “Listen, she loved it okay? I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with the whole thing because I want to make you happy.”
“You think I’m going to have a problem with the woman who went above and beyond for me to give me the Christmas that she thinks I deserve?” Beau countered with an immediate shake of his head. “She’s the closest I’ve felt to mom in a very long time. It’s almost like mom sent her to me. To us.”
Hearing that broke Negan out of the emotions he was feeling in that moment, his heart raced and he looked to Beau who gave him a nod, “I’m serious dad. She’s so much like mom. The way she treats me. The way she is with you. It’s like mom knew we were both broken and she sent her to be in our life. She’s the first person I’ve actually seen try with us. Try with you. And she’s good at it. She loves you and she treats both Erin and me so good.”
Knowing that his son felt like Lucille brought Y/N into their lives really touched him and he let out a long exhale when he looked down toward his lap. At this moment, he was doing everything he could to bottle up his emotions to keep himself from crying. That whole idea really hit home for him and he knew it would be ridiculous if he started crying in the middle of town for all to see. Beau nudged his father and he heard Negan let out a huff, “That’s all?”
“Would you be mad if we had a baby together?” Negan inquired drawing Beau to lean back surprised with that question. “We were talking about having a baby together and I…I think we both want it. Would that upset you?”
“Is she pregnant?” Beau wondered, looking to her with worry in his eyes when she had made it onto the ice rink with Glenn. Shifting forward on the seat, Beau was clearly uneasy after finding out what they were considering. “Dad, if she’s pregnant she shouldn’t be ice skating. We need to keep her from…”
“I don’t think…I mean, I don’t know,” Negan noticed Beau going to go get up and he reached for his son to urge him back down onto the bench. “Don’t freak out, I don’t know if she is pregnant. And if she was, we probably wouldn’t know it for at least…a couple of weeks. I remember with your mom when she was pregnant with Erin. We wouldn’t even know yet if we tried.”
“So she is or she isn’t pregnant?” Beau demanded an answer, but Negan didn’t know if he could exactly give Beau one. When Negan thought of what to say, Beau threw his hand around in a circular motion trying to get Negan to give him an answer. “Dad! I’m going to need an answer here because if she is pregnant, I’m going to have to come up with something to get her off the ice.”
“I don’t know! I don’t think so. It doesn’t really happen that fast,” Negan reasoned with Beau, but that answer just made Beau more uneasy. “We just kind of agreed last night that we would try to have a baby and I wanted to make sure that it was okay with you first. I didn’t really think about if it worked or not because, well, fuck I don’t know.”
“I love being a big brother, of course I wouldn’t mind,” Beau declared, his eyes following Y/N’s movements while she skated with Glenn by her side. “As long as you give me and Erin the same amount of love that you do now, we won’t care.”
There was a silence that fell over them when Beau’s nose wrinkled and he let out a disgusted breath, “Wait, are you saying that the two of you…did…that,” Beau put emphasis on his words when he looked to his father, “when I left last night?”
“Uhm,” Negan bit down on his bottom lip, his thick eyebrows bouncing up when Beau gagged at the idea of it. “Do you want me to lie to you dude because I can. I just try to avoid lying to you and I always have.”
“God. Yup, the two of you are so much like you and mom,” Beau pinched at the bridge of his nose showing the tension that it caused him to know that they did that. “So you only started last night?”
“I mean,” Negan thought about how he had been intimate with Y/N and they weren’t safe. Any of the times they were together. Not even once. Beau’s face was pale at the idea of everything and Negan let out a tense sound. “You don’t want to talk about this stuff Beau. You’re just going to get more grossed out.”
“Oh, trust me. Nothing will ever get more awkward than you and mom explaining sex to me the first time,” Beau reminded Negan of the past hearing his father let out an uncontrollable laugh that he tried to mute by covering his mouth. “You remember that, right?”
Instead of answering, Negan simply nodded his head and dropped his head down, “Let’s just say mom was much better at explaining the whole thing without making me want to vomit.”
“Your mom was better with words,” Negan confessed, throwing his hand up in the air when Beau placed his hand in over the center of his stomach showing that he was nauseated at the thought. “I’m just very blunt and I try to be honest.”
“Too honest,” Beau waved his hand about in the air, looking to his father with a shake of his head. “Moving along. To answer your questions. Yes, I’m okay with the two of you getting married and yes, I’m okay with a baby. Is that all? Because I’d really like to go out on the ice and make sure that she is safe.”
“Beau, she’s not pregnant yet,” Negan stated with another half laugh, looking to the ice again. “As far as I’m aware.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better dad,” Beau let out a frustrated sound, his hazel eyes becoming frustrated with Negan. “If my brother or sister is growing inside of her, no matter how young it is, I don’t want her slipping and falling on that ice.”
“Don’t worry about that yet Beau. If we tell you that she’s pregnant, that’s when you can worry,” Negan urged his son to look away from the ice rink when Erin had found Y/N. They were skating together with Erin holding Y/N’s hand out on the ice.
“I’m gonna worry,” Beau declared with a very serious expression that made Negan laugh with Beau rolling his eyes in response. “Is that all you wanted to ask me?”
“Actually, no. This one is more serious,” Negan mouthed trying to gather himself after he found amusement in their last discussion. “With Y/N sad, there is something that happened yesterday that I think I should tell her about. Something that I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I always want to be honest with her.”
“Okay?” Beau’s eyebrow arched in curiosity. “That’s vague.”
“When it was dark yesterday, I heard someone come into my room and I thought it was Y/N after she was done with you,” Negan thought back on the night before, stopping to think about what the best way to explain things was. “The thing was, it was Maggie. And Maggie…kissed me last night. I feel really bad about it and think that I should tell Y/N about it. What do you think?”
“Haven’t you kissed Maggie before when you were pretending?” Beau shook his head from side to side. A scoff fell from Negan’s throat since he was trying to hide the adult nature of it. “Why would she be mad now if she already saw it before?”
“It’s a kiss that only couples do,” Negan suggested, his face twisting with discomfort when he tried to make it more clear to Beau without being completely honest to him. Beau was young and he didn’t need to hear all of this stuff. “I tried telling Y/N about it last night, but she was so upset that I didn’t. I’ve been trying to tell her today, but I can tell that she is emotional about everything that she found out about her parents.”
“And you think she will be upset if she knows that Maggie kissed you?” Beau questioned before Negan inhaled sharply and nodded. “But you didn’t know that it was Maggie kissing you? You thought it was her?”
“Yeah,” Negan answered, his eyes falling upon Maggie who was just now walking out after she got her skates. Now that he thought about things, Negan damned himself for thinking that Maggie was originally Y/N last night. He knew that Y/N was naughty, but the way Maggie touched him and did things to him was so vastly different than Y/N. But then again, Maggie wasn’t exactly acting like Maggie last night either. “I think she would be really upset.”
“If you want to have a future with Y/N where it’s good…” Beau began, standing up from the bench and pointing over toward the rink. “Then you need to be honest with her from the start. Even if it upsets her. You have to give her the chance to understand. Otherwise, you start keeping things from her and that’s not the way to start your relationship.”
“You’re right,” Negan agreed with Beau, who started back stepping toward the rink. “You’re going to be latched onto her while she’s on the ice rink, aren’t you?”
“Yup,” Beau answered Negan who smiled and looked down toward the ground again.
“You don’t think she will find that weird?” Negan pushed, nodding out toward the rink again when he noticed that Maggie was getting closer to the two of them. “You can’t exactly tell her that you think she’s pregnant.”
“I’ll figure something out,” Beau pointed backwards before giving his father a set of thumbs up. “Good talk dad. Now I have to go.”
Snorting, Negan leaned back on the bench and watched Beau get out on the rink as quickly as he could. From afar it was funny because he could only imagine what Beau came up with when he managed to get Y/N to wrap her arm around his.
“What was that all about?” Maggie questioned, sitting down beside Negan to get ready for skating.
“He’s just being silly,” Negan lied, turning to Maggie who looked upon him with her bright green eyes. “It’s just Beau being Beau. You know him.”
“Gotcha,” Maggie muttered staring out at the rink where most of her family was. “So, what happened last night after I left?”
“With your father?” Negan inquired, his eyebrow arching in curiosity when Maggie nodded. “We got into a heated disagreement.”
“And you’re still here?” Maggie frowned getting her first skate on and Negan shrugged. “Neither one of you were happy when I left last night and daddy hasn’t said much today. Neither one of you really talked about it.”
“The two of us butted heads and then Annette showed up. Hershel did tell me that he wanted me out of his home, but Annette gave him some attitude. Made him leave for bed,” Negan remembered clearing his throat when he adjusted his positioning on the bench. “Your stepmother is finally…stepping up.”
“Wow,” Maggie seemed impressed to hear that. A cool rush of air surrounded them and it sent a chill down Negan’s spine. It was amazing how fast it got cold around here. Reaching inside of his pocket, Negan grabbed his hat and pulled it on over his head. “Can we talk about last night?”
“I thought we were,” Negan reasoned with her throwing his hands up in the air. “I told you what happened with your dad. We just bickered. I told him what I thought about him and that was the end of the night. Beau and your sister heard the tail end of it too.”
“I’m sure she liked someone putting daddy in his place,” Maggie commented when Y/N and Beau stopped at the edge of the rink together. Beau was holding onto her hands and they seemed to be giggling.
“Rightfully so, don’t you think?” Negan quipped, knowing that Maggie had really gone back and forth with how she felt toward her father reacting the way he did to Y/N. “I think it’s time someone finally told Hershel what a shitty father and person he is.”
“He’s not really a shitty father,” Maggie corrected him with a frown and a tip of her head.
“No?” Negan replied back with a scoff. That was hard to believe considering all the things that Negan had witnessed since he had gotten to the farm.
“No. He was a really good father to me. He stepped up in the ways that mattered. Same with Beth,” Maggie thought back on her life with her family feeling uncomfortable that Negan was thinking Hershel was such a piece of shit. “He’s a good man too. You can ask the people here in town, he does a lot of good for people. He’s a retired veterinarian, but he’s helped a lot of people too. He’s had a hard past.”
“Do you think the way that he treats your sister is right?” Negan pushed knowing that previously Maggie had made it clear that she didn’t, but now it seemed like she was going back and forth with things. “Mags?”
“Obviously not, Negan. I’m not sure why he is the way he is with her,” Maggie suggested getting her other skate on while she sat beside him. “I want nothing, but the best for her. I do. But sometimes I do wonder if it’s not here.”
“What does that mean?” Negan blurt out and Maggie was starting to feel like he was interrogating her. “Mags?”
“Negan!” she snapped at him causing his thick eyebrows to bounce up. “I just mean it’s obvious that her and my dad are never going to get along. She’s looking for something here that she is never going to get. Everyone else loves her here, but when she’s with dad they both explode with one another. And it’s never going to work.”
“So she should just learn to accept that Hershel is always going to be abusive with her?” Negan didn’t like what Maggie was saying, even though she was right. The best thing for Y/N to do was separate herself from Hershel. “I know that you think he’s a good father to you Maggie, but he babies you. The way he acts about you being even around me is nuts. You’re nowhere near being a child. Yet he acts like you are one.”
“There are some things that he could be better at,” Maggie acknowledged wrapping her arm around the back of the bench, stroking her fingers through the hair at the back of Negan’s head. “The thing with you and my dad is that you are both alphas. You were destined to never get along.”
“What are you talking about Maggie? You’re more of a dominant in this relationship than I’ve ever been,” Negan reminded her with a snort. “Yeah, I’m an alpha, but so are you. You’ve never taken anyone’s shit and that’s what attracted me to you in the first place. You could kick my ass and I was smitten by it. You’re not this sweet, innocent country girl that needs protecting. You are a fucking bad ass country girl that doesn’t need anyone to protect her. Because she can kick anyone’s ass and it wouldn’t take much. Your father makes you believe you are something else.”
Maggie went to say something, but simply just smiled and shook her head, “You have no idea how good it feels to control someone as dominant as you Negan. You’re a pain in the ass and you are such an alpha male, but when you’re with me…”
“Exactly,” Negan snapped his fingers, his face scrunching up when he continued on. “I bow to no one and you were able to tame me. I was your loyal puppy dog for six months straight. So don’t pretend to be something you aren’t because your father has some kind of image in his head of you that isn’t even you. What you need to start doing is standing up for what is right. Stand up for yourself and stand up for your sister. Because it’s time someone did.”
“I don’t think she’s having a problem finding people to stand up for her,” Maggie sighed looking to the ice rink again to see that both Erin and Beau were holding her hands. “Beau latched onto her really fast. And Erin seemed to as well. It’s something that I had to work really hard for, but it wasn’t hard for her.”
“She’s like their mother,” Negan thought aloud lowering his head trying to avoid looking at her when they talked about Y/N. “Beau was best friends with Lucille. You know that. So he’s really latched onto her because she’s…so much like his mom.”
“I thought you said I was like Lucille,” Maggie pointed out drawing Negan to smile and tip his head from side to side.
“In one way. It’s the whole you have my balls in a vice grip thing,” Negan noted, his eyelashes fluttering when he looked to Maggie with a mischievous smile. “I’m attracted to bad ass people that can dominate the hell out of me and kick my ass. Powerful people turn me on.”
Sliding in closer to Negan on the bench, she swept her fingers over the side of his face and felt the warmth of his breath over her lips with how close she got to him, “Why don’t you follow me to the restroom so you can let me dominate you?”
“Maggie,” Negan’s eyelids were heavy, a lump developing in his throat with her green eyes hooked on his.
“Come on Negan,” Maggie leaned in, brushing her lips behind his ear drawing his eyes to close tightly. “Follow me into the bathroom. We’ll go into a stall and we can replay our first time together. What do you say? I’ll suck your cock and then we can fuck like we did the first time.”
“The first time we were in a bar where it was nothing, but adults…” Negan revealed turning his head ever so slightly to remind her of their time together. “Here, there could be children and I don’t do that kind of shit around children. You know how I feel about that stuff. This is a family place Maggie and I still don’t have condoms.”
“Then let’s go into the wooded area,” Maggie nodded off in the distance, her fingers sweeping in over the curve of his jawline. “You don’t have to wear a condom. One time isn’t going to kill us. You can come in me. I don’t care. It’s been so long. Let me relive things a little bit with you. Beau and Erin are busy with Y/N. We’re not at my father’s home…”
“Mags,” Negan sucked in a sharp breath when she slid forward. Snatching the scarf that Negan was wearing, she dropped it down into the center of his lap. When her hand lowered beneath the scarf, Negan felt her palming in over the center of his pants and he scoffed. Maybe in the past he would have been into something like this, but not when he was in love with someone else. “Please…”
“We can do anal if you want,” she kissed over Negan’s ear hearing him exhale loudly. “I’ll get you ready with my mouth and then you can take me from behind.”
“Jesus, you are laying it on thick,” Negan chuckled snatching her hand beneath the scarf to pull it out. Surprised filled Maggie’s features with Negan turning her down like he was and he couldn’t help but be amused with her antics. Snorting out, Negan couldn’t believe how hard she was actually trying with him right now. Speaking quiet enough, Negan knew that it was time he started to call her out on things. “You want me to fuck you in the ass now? With no condom, no lube? Do you want me to fucking hurt you?”
“You can use your spit,” she suggested like it was no big deal and Negan rolled his eyes before moving toward the end of the bench. “Negan?”
“That would really hurt you,” Negan corrected her with a shake of his head, his eyebrows furrowing at just how desperate she was to get him to have sex with her.
“I thought you liked that,” Maggie threw her hand out, her voice becoming angry with him being so anti everything she came up with. “You always did before.”
“Sure, but not hurting you. Anytime we’ve done anything like that, we had proper preparation. I’m an asshole, but I’m not a fucking asshole,” Negan grumbled under his breath finding himself annoyed with her suggestions. “I want to make the person I am with feel good, not like shit. It’s balls fucking cold Maggie. We’re wearing our skates. Yet you’re asking me to go have unprotected, uncomfortable anal sex in the middle of the woods where I will likely get frostbite on my balls and that wouldn’t feel good for you.”
“I just want you to have sex with me in general Negan,” she snatched her hand out to grab a hold of Negan’s jaw to get him to look at her. “I’m trying whatever it takes.”
“Why?” Negan pushed for answers, his face twisting with confusion. “Why are you so fucking desperate for me to fuck you, Maggie?”
“It’s been a long time Negan. Maybe I just want to come,” she shoved his face away letting out a disgusted breath with how Negan was responding to things.
“Okay Maggie. Let’s go in the bathroom and I will go down on you,” Negan was testing something when he turned in the seat, his brow line creasing. “You know you like my fingers. I’ll have you coming in no time. If that’s what you really want.”
“Why are you so against having sex with me Negan?” she demanded an answer causing Negan to huff before rolling his eyes, shaking his head with her question.
“Why are you so desperate to have sex with me? I just offered to go down on you. Is that not enough?” Negan waved his hand about in the air and she slid to the far end of the bench folding her arms out in front of her chest. “It’s strange Maggie, the things that you are offering me. First you want me to come inside of you, like it’s no big deal and then you offer me anal sex that could hurt you because we don’t have lube. You thinking I’d be appealed by that shows you don’t know me at all.”
“I just want to have sex with you Negan,” she threw her hands up, frustrated that he was getting as deep with things as he was. “Is that so wrong?”
“What aren’t you telling me Maggie?” Negan knew that this was just too extreme for that.
“You think I have something I’m hiding?” Maggie wondered, her jaw clenching when Negan smirked. It was the way he looked at her that made her feel uncomfortable. “What am I hiding from you Negan?”
“Are you pregnant?” Negan was blunt hearing her scoff when he asked her. “Are you pregnant with someone else’s baby and you are desperate for me to think that I’m the father?”
A loud smack filled the air followed by Negan’s grunt. Instead of keeping her skates on Maggie shakily took them off before working to get her shoes back on and storming off. Looking between Maggie and the others, Negan groaned out to himself. Unlacing his skates, Negan knew that he had to figure out whatever the hell was going on.
Returning the skates after he changed back into his boots, Negan headed over toward the pavilion where Maggie had run off. Maggie was sitting on top of one of the picnic tables with her head between her knees. Thankfully no one was around them so he could approach her on what was going on. He just knew he had to be a little better with the delivery.
“Are you pregnant?” Negan whispered, his face burning from where she had hit him. Sliding in beside her, Negan swallowed down hard and sighed loudly.
“If I was, how do you know it isn’t yours?” she lifted her head to look over at Negan who gave her a certain expression. “It could be yours Negan.”
“It couldn’t,” Negan shook his head, his nose wrinkling when he thought about things. “We haven’t had sex in quiet some time. We’ve fooled around, but we haven’t had sex. I also know that you’ve had your period since we’ve had sex. So if you are pregnant, you aren’t pregnant with my child.”
“I’m not pregnant,” she exhaled loudly, looking off in the distance when Negan slid in closer to her on the table. “I want to punch you right now Negan.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Negan joked with her, nudging her arm with his elbow. Maggie was quiet, reaching up to wipe at her eyes with the back of her hand. “What’s going on Maggie? If you aren’t pregnant, talk to me.”
“I don’t want to upset you,” Maggie admitted noticing the way that his hazel eyes were looking her over. Instead of pushing her, Negan just waited. There was no one there. Just a fire that was set up to keep people warm so they had all the time in the world. “I cheated on you Negan.”
Nodding his head, Negan braced his hands back on the picnic table to think about what she told him. Well, that was not what he was expecting. Maggie turned to face him, her shoulders slumped forward, “It just happened Negan. I didn’t mean for it to happen. And I’m so angry at myself because I thought…I thought I was head over heels in love with you,” Maggie waited for Negan to say something else, but he just gazed upon her with his hazel eyes following her movements. “I love Beau and Erin. I love you. I just thought if the two of us slept together again, I would realize the mistake I made. Feel that passion that the two of us had from the start. I’d realize it was you that I was meant to be with.”
“I love you too Maggie,” Negan finally spoke up after a while, his head nodding slowly when he dragged his tongue across his bottom lip. There was a sense of fear deep within him when he looked to her again and shrugged his shoulders. “And I’ll always love you Maggie…”
“Negan,” she frowned, reaching out in attempts to touch his face, but Negan grabbed a hold of her hand to stop her from touching him.
“But I’m in love with someone else,” Negan declared noticing the color draining from her face when he opened up to her about how he felt. “I still want to be in your life and I know the kids would want you to be in their lives too. I love you Maggie, I’m just not in love with you…”
Silence followed and Negan felt uncomfortable with the way that Maggie was glaring at him. Waiting, he almost said something until he felt Maggie’s fist connecting with the center of his face drawing him to fall back off the picnic table in a thud.
“Fuck,” Negan groaned out, reaching up to touch his nose to feel that there was blood against his fingertips. Lifting his head, Negan saw that Maggie was staring down at him from where she had slid to the end of the picnic table. “What the fuck was that for?”
“What do you mean what was that for?” Maggie snapped at Negan who slowly pulled himself up into a seated position on the ground. “You tell me that you are in love with someone else and I’m just supposed to be okay with it?”
“You just told me that you cheated!” Negan threw his hand up in the air pointing in her direction. “I figured since you were being honest, I should be honest too.”
“There is a difference between cheating and falling in love with someone,” Maggie explained, shaking her head with irritation for what Negan was saying.
“You obviously fell in love with the person you cheated with,” Negan countered noticing that his hand was covered in blood from her hit. “You’re here trying to get me to have sex with you again to prove to yourself that you still have feelings for me. The only reason you are doing that is because you are trying to determine who you really fucking love. Me or the other person. I just saved you the trouble of having to choose.”
Standing up from the table, Maggie had Negan immediately covering his groin with his hands and she tipped her head to the side, “What are you doing?”
“You can hit me wherever you want, but please leave the dick and balls out of it,” Negan begged of her making Maggie let out a laugh, her eyes narrowing before she shook her head and turned away from Negan. “When women get mad, it’s the testicles or the dick they always go for.”
“You’ve obviously been cheating for a long time,” Maggie pointed out causing Negan to grumble to himself when he tried to get up but didn’t have it in him to yet. “What?”
“Not as long as you would think,” Negan was obviously vague, not wanting Maggie to realize who he was in love with. “It’s…new.”
“And you know that you love them?” Maggie was curious, turning to look at him again from where she was standing over him. With a nod, Negan said nothing more and she rolled her eyes. “Six months and nothing with us? But you’re with them a short amount of time and you just know?”
“When you meet the person that you are meant to be with, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them,” Negan reasoned with her, taking a moment to make sure that she wasn’t going to hit him again before slowly standing up. “I do love you, Maggie. I don’t question loving you. I just think I love you in the way that someone loves one of their best friends.”
“You really think that two people that were dating and had as much sex as we did can be friends?” she scoffed at Negan, her hands finding their way to her hips.
“I was hoping we could,” Negan declared with a simple shrug. The taste of blood lingered over his lips so he assumed she hit him good.
“What is it about them that made you fall in love with them?” Maggie dug for details and Negan stepped forward closer to her.
“You don’t want to hear that,” Negan hushed her, shakily reaching out to caress his hands in over her shoulders in attempts to calm her. “I don’t want to talk about her with you. I want to talk to you about you. I don’t regret the time we had together. You helped me through some of the toughest times of my life Maggie. You are so beautiful. You’re strong. And I did love you. I fucking love you. I just don’t think the two of us are meant to be endgame. I want you happy. And I don’t think with me you will be truly happy. If you think you can find happiness with this other guy, then I urge you to try. Because I think the two of us were just finding comfort with one another for the time that we could.”
“Shit,” Maggie lowered her head and Negan shakily reached up with his hand that didn’t have blood on it to sweep his thumb in over the side of her face.
“I’m sorry,” Negan apologized for everything knowing that this was a shitty time to find everything out, but with her confessing things to him he knew that he had to open up to her too. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Maggie. Believe it or not, you are important to me.”
“No, I’m sorry for hitting you,” she frowned after thinking things over. Lifting her hand, she curled her fingers around his wrist, urging him back toward the picnic table they were on originally. Stepping before him had Negan looking up at her with his big eyes. There was worry in them when she reached into her pocket, but she pulled out some tissue trying to get the blood from his face. “I should have never hit you.”
“I mean, that depends,” Negan swallowed down knowing that she would have probably beat the ever living shit out of him if she knew who it was that he was in love with. “I probably deserved that.”
“I’m surprised no one saw,” Maggie took a look over her shoulder to see that people were still distracted while she finished cleaning up Negan’s face.
“Even if someone did, I don’t think they’d want to approach you,” Negan accepted the next piece of tissue that she had to hold it up to his nose. “You’re fucking terrifying. No one is gonna want to fuck with you.”
“So terrifying,” she agreed with him, laughing and moving back beside him on the picnic table. “Is she some bimbo?”
“No,” Negan snorted, shaking his head and then pulling the tissue away to look if he was still bleeding. “I promise you I wouldn’t have made this decision if she wasn’t my soulmate, Maggie. We just click and I wanted to wait until after Christmas to tell you.”
“But I fucked that one up, huh?” Maggie observed hearing Negan sigh. “We better not tell my dad until after Christmas. Because if he knows, he will undoubtedly explode on you.”
“Yeah,” Negan snickered, tipping his head back to stare down at her. “You deserve to be happy Maggie Greene. I hope you know that.”
Sliding forward, Maggie stroked her fingers over the side of Negan’s face, dragging her fingers down over his neck. Leaning forward, her lips hovered in over his drawing a sharp breath from his throat. Bringing their lips together, the kiss lingered with Negan’s hand raising to sweep his fingers in over the side of her face. Deepening the kiss, Maggie brushed her tongue against Negan’s hearing him hum before pulling away with a wince when her nose hit his.
“Fuck,” Negan laughed, lowering his head and she chuckled. “That was a good last kiss that my nose had to ruin.”
“My bad,” she pat him on the knee, giving it a firm squeeze. “I guess I shouldn’t have broken your nose. It could have been very romantic.”
“It was good enough,” Negan sighed lowering his head down to rest it over her shoulder. After a minute, Maggie lowered her head and rest her head against his cuddling into it. There was a few minutes of silence when Negan let out a long sigh. “I feel like I should go lay face first in the snow for a while because my face is on fire.”
“I can cover for you if that’s what you want to do,” Maggie teased hearing his snort follow, but she just cuddled her head in closer to his. “You think I can still see Beau and Erin?”
“Of course,” Negan promised, sliding his hand out to hook his fingers with hers. Holding her hand, they sat like that for a while before Negan finally sat upright. Curling his arm around her, Negan allowed her to lean in against his chest and he sighed. “I can’t believe you tried to get me to have anal sex with you in the woods with a shit load of snow.”
“Enough,” Maggie playfully hit Negan in the abdomen and a grumble fell from his throat. Carefully getting up from the table, Negan headed over toward the snow to grab a handful of it to bring it up to his nose. “Does it really hurt that much?”
“Oh yeah,” Negan assured her, hissing at the sensation it left him with. “My face is on fire and my nose is pinging. I’ll be the real Rudolph for Christmas because holy shit.”
“Okay, okay,” she hushed him, urging him back toward where her family still was. “We should get back before people get worried.”
When they got back, Negan saw that Beau, Erin, Y/N and Glenn were working to build a snowman together and it made Negan chuckle. Beau did the best he could to get Y/N off of that rink fast and it amused him. Approaching them, Negan heard Glenn let out a surprised sound when he saw Negan.
“What happened to you?” Glenn drew attention to the fact that Negan had a pile of snow covering his nose. “Are you okay?”
“Hit and run. Some kid just punched me in the face and then ran off,” Negan lied, pulling the snow away from his nose hearing the gasp that came from Y/N when he did it. “Is it swollen?”
“It’s red,” Y/N stepped forward almost considering touching Negan before thinking twice about it. “It looks fine, it just looks like you might be bruised later.”
“Ah, good. So I’m still good looking,” Negan joked drawing Maggie to groan out and roll her eyes. “I’m a little disappointed that you guys started this without me.”
“We only have the bottom two dad, you’ll be fine,” Beau assured his father, reaching for his father’s hands to pull him forward.
They all worked together to finish up the snowman using stones for the eyes and pebbles for the mouth. Beau and Erin had found two twigs that were good enough to use for the arms. Because they were at the park, they didn’t have a carrot to use for the nose, but Glenn lent his winter hat and Maggie used her scarf to bring together the design.
“Looks good,” Negan hooked his arm around Beau’s shoulders feeling Beau’s arm wrapping around his waist.
“We marked off everything,” Beau looked to Y/N who was holding Erin’s hand after they finished. “Everything on the list is done.”
“How do you feel?” Y/N asked, a weak smile tugging at her lips, happy that she was able to do at least this for Negan’s son.
“Accomplished,” Beau responded with a tiny laugh, his hazel eyes gazing over the snowman. “Thank you. All of you. I know it all probably sounded very lame, but it means a lot to me that you did this. I appreciate it.”
“Hey,” Maggie stepped forward before Beau eliciting his eyebrows to bounce up. Holding her arms out had Beau tipping his head to the side. “Can I give you a big hug?”
“Yeah?” Beau released his father long enough to give Maggie a hug and it lasted longer than Beau expected it to. There was something different about Maggie when she looked down at him and Beau frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Maggie lied and Negan knew it was because they essentially just broke up. Reaching down to pick up Erin, she gave Erin a big hug and heard her laugh. “I just want to give the two of you hugs. It’s been nice getting to spend Christmas with you two.”
“Yeah, you too Maggie,” Beau slurred, confused, but going with it because he knew what he needed to say in that moment.
“I was thinking of getting all of us some hot chocolate,” Glenn offered, rubbing his hands together. “What do you think?”
“I can get it,” Negan suggested knowing that he had likely more money than Glenn did to get the hot chocolates.
“No, it’s on me,” Glenn denied Negan, heading over toward the area that was selling them.
“Hey,” Negan stopped Y/N before she could join everyone else that was following Glenn. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Can it wait?” Y/N requested hearing the long sigh that fell from Negan. “I’m only asking that because I have a lot on my mind right now Negan. I have to figure out how to talk to my dad and…”
“Yeah,” Negan interrupted her knowing that she had been different all day so he didn’t want to stress her out. After he gave her the okay, she headed over to join the rest of them. Instead of following them, Negan let out an overwhelmed sound and dropped back into the snow dramatically. The sky was clear tonight and the stars were bright. For a while he laid there until the sound of snow crunching was heard and he noticed Erin leaning in over him. “Hey there beautiful.”
“Are you okay?” Erin tipped her head to the side, her smile tugging at her young features.
“Just relaxing,” Negan responded and Erin eagerly moved in beside him to drop down to lay in the snow with him. Lifting his head up, Negan noticed his daughter was staring up at the sky mimicking what he had been doing when she came over. It made him smile to know that his daughter was copying him before he laid back down. “You having a good time?”
“Of course,” Erin clung to the stuffed animal that was in her arms and sighed loudly. “I still like New York better though.”
“Me too,” Negan confessed holding his hand out for his daughter to hook his fingers with hers.
“Do you think mommy is up there watching us?” Erin surprised Negan with the question with her eyes still locked on the sky.
“I think your mommy is everywhere,” Negan answered, turning in the snow on his side to stare out at his daughter. “I think she’s with us every day,” Negan reached out to tap Erin on the nose before bringing his hand to his chest. “Especially right here.”
Today Lucille had come up a lot and it wasn’t the first time that hearing her name made him emotional, “I like to think that she’s with us every day. Watching over you and your brother. And I know she’d be very proud of the two of you because you both are awesome.
“I miss her hugs,” Erin explained to her father, turning to face him in the snow herself. “Not that your hugs are bad because you give the best hugs. But there was just something special about her hugs.”
“Me too,” Negan confessed, leaning in just enough to press a kiss over Erin’s forehead. “You were always my baby that loved being held. I don’t think you walked right away because your mama and I never put you down. You always wanted us holding you.”
“I think I’m still like that,” Erin giggled, curling her arm tighter around the polar bear stuffed animal that Y/N had given her.
“You are,” Negan agreed with a wrinkle of his nose, peppering a few kisses against her cheek. “And I’m okay with that. My arms will always belong to you baby girl.”
“Good. I’m okay with sharing them sometimes though,” Erin got up on her knees and fell into her father’s arms so that he could hug her close to him. “You give good hugs and people need to also feel that sometimes.”
“Hey now,” Beau’s voice was heard and Negan let out a groan when he felt the weight of Beau dropping in over his stomach. Cuddling his head in beside Erin’s had Negan laughing out and wrapping both of them up in his arms to give them a big squeeze. “You can’t do this cuddling stuff without me.”
“I love you both, so much,” Negan declared, pressing a kiss over Beau’s temple before doing the same to Erin. A moment later Beth, Annette, Maggie and Y/N had stepped in to stare down at them. Giving a big cheesy smile, Negan could tell that they thought he was crazy for laying in the snow like they were.
“Are you okay?” Maggie was obviously worried that maybe he was having some aftereffects of the hit she landed on him earlier.
“I’m great,” Negan winked, squeezing his arms tighter around his children who were just happy to be with their father. “You should really just try it. It’s very relaxing. Just take a few minutes before we have to head back to the farm.”
“Here,” Maggie pulled out her phone to take a photo that had all three of them giving her the most ridiculous oversized smiles for the photo. And right there confirmed they were Negan’s children with the way they acted. “Perfect.”
“You can have your minute,” Beth laughed pointing toward the hot chocolate that she was holding. “Someone has to hold these.”
“You’re missing out,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head, dropping his head back out into the snow. Right now was just allowing him to take a moment to destress. Everything about this trip had been tense and now he finally got to relax. So he was going to take this moment and cherish the time that he had.
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Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf @hollyismentallyillhelp @promiscuousbarnes @tone-stark @lanadelnegan @flippittygibbitts @stickyhuesos
#Jeffrey Dean Morgan#Negan#Negan fanfiction#negan x reader#The Walking Dead#twd fanfiction#negan x you#Negan Smith#Maggie Greene
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Something has been bugging me lately; why is it that so much of the ASOIAF fandom hates romance? Like, this is a problem I've noticed and it's honestly kind of weird. To be sure, George's view on what is romantic is, uh, dubious at best, but to outright be so against it the way I've seen some people be against it is quite bizarre, to say the least.
Rhaegar and Lyanna? Of course there's no romance there! Rhaegar clearly was just using Lyanna as a baby factory to produce a super prophecy child because that's all there is to his character!
Jon and Daenerys? They won't be getting together like that dumb show! And if they are, it will be purely a political marriage! No lovey dovey stuff there!. After all Dany likes "bad boys" (which somehow translates to "evil men") so why would she like a strong, assertive man like Jon? And why would Jon like her? Not like he likes strong fiery tempered women!
Those are the two biggest examples but there is more. Daemon Blackfyre and Daenerys Targaryen are more ambiguous since they are historical characters, but a lot of people are convinced it was 100% unrequited love.
I've even seen fans complain about the line from Barristan where he thinks about how Bittersteel and Bloodraven's rivalry over the affections of Shiera Seastar caused the Blackfyre Rebellions. Like sure it wasn't the only reason, but to think that jealousy and romance didn't have an effect on those rebellions is a bit weird.
Yes, I am aware these are some problematic pairings, not least of which because most of these are pretty incestuous. However, the complaints about these romances do not stem from a moral quandary. In the case of R+L, you see people calling Rhaegar a groomer and pedophile (see my post on him on my full thoughts there), but the majority of it is simply "well it's stupid because they told no one and caused a whole war, the selfish brats" (bonus points if someone specifically targets Lyanna).
Okay, setting aside the fact that, like with the Blackfyre Rebellions, Robert's Rebellion was caused by far more factors than their elopement, why does making it an abduction Rhaegar did simply for a magic messiah baby make it a better story than the fact these two were in love and desperate to escape situations they felt trapped in, leading to shortsighted decisions that had an unexpected affect on many people?
With Jon and Dany, the backlash is "but that's so cliche! George wouldn't do something as cliche as two of the biggest protagonists falling in love." As if George doesn't constantly engage with cliche storybeats as often or even more than he subverts them. Even when the evidence for the two getting together is literally so overwhelming that you'd need to be willfully ignorant to ignore the foreshadowing (plus the fact George literally said that their union is "the point of the series").
And again, I must ask; why is Jon and Dany marrying to secure a political alliance without any real love between them a better story than an epic, doomed romance between two people who have gone through such similar struggles and have such similar personalities? What does R+L=J even exist for if they are just a couple of convenience using each other?
I'm not saying you have to love and ship all these people together. Because we sometimes forget our little fandom bubble, most people are not okay with even fictional incest ships. That's okay. Sometimes it's not even incest ships, but again, that's okay! We are all different and have our preferences! Some might not even care much for romance.
But the way a lot of this is criticized doesn't read like that. It's always focusing on the negative aspects. Especially with Dany's love interests. I'm not a fan of Daario and Dany, personally, but it is a bit uncomfortable how she is targeted so heavily for thinking and getting horny about him. Like... let a girl be horny and infatuated? Lol, I don't know!
With Rhaegar and Lyanna, Prince Duncan the Small and Jenny of Oldstones, the "problem" is that their disregard for political betrothals and following their hearts makes them stupid monsters who are directly responsible for the deaths of thousands. That is absolutely not the way we should take these romances.
These doomed, tragic affairs aren't about how people are selfish. It's about the power of love. The way love makes people act rashly. The way love consumes someones thoughts and feelings. Love is powerful, it is transformative, transcending. That is the point. Even in spite of the death and chaos occurring around it, the love these people have for each other is something that cannot be broken.
I feel like the fandom has taken the wrong approach to this series tone and themes. I'm not George's biggest personal fan, to be quite honest, but he is a self described romantic. Turning Rhaegar from a lovestruck prince to a selfish crazed maniac is not romantic. Turning romance or potential romance into cold political maneuvers is not romantic.
The point of all this is that, yes, the world is dark. It's scary, it's cruel, unforgiving, and cold. But in that darkness, there are pockets of light that shine and make you feel safe, and warm, and happy. It makes you forget all the troubles around you. That light, that warmth, that love, is worth fighting for, even if it's all that is left, even if it doesn't last.
I am of course, slightly biased in my assessment, lmao. You could say that me, being a bisexual polyamorous transfemme, is maybe a bit of a big fan of romance and love! Yet, it still saddens me that people try to keep romances from just being romances, and try to make the story and world more bleak as a result. We already have Ramsay, Joffrey, Gregor, Euron, Randyll Tarly. We have people who use love against others for their own gain or outright reject it violently. We don't need more of that.
#asoiaf meta#asoiaf#jonerys#rhaegar x lyanna#asoiaf discourse#watch out i might be poking more at the fandom in later posts#i just have a lot of thoughts and need to put them down somewhere otherwise they drive me crazy
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Things I didn't realize would happen as I started trauma therapy
To preface, this is written by Vivian (he/him), the current "main" host of the Many but One system. I am a trauma holder for childhood and teen trauma, but I am also highly functional despite this due to the fact that most of my really severe trauma is even further compartmentalized--I am one of those "alter with alters" type of subsystems.
So, this post is going to explain some of the things I didn't realize would happen to me, Vivi, as I progressed in trauma therapy.
I had to re-learn how to say "no." This was very hard to do in the beginning. My entire "purpose" was very heavily focused on "just let it happen, just let it happen, it'll be over soon" regardless of what the actual circumstances were. Even in a non-SA environment, I found it difficult to say no to people or to remove myself from situations I felt were uncomfortable. When my therapist helped me realize that I had CHOICES and could make them freely (within reason) that was...seriously mind-blowing. Intrinsically, I know that I am allowed to say no. I know that I can make my own choices. However, when faced with the actual situation or if I think too deeply about the freedom I have I actually lose my fucking mind just a little bit. It's like my internal wiring is so deeply set to "NO! You sit there and you take it, it doesn't matter how uncomfortable you are, you just let it happen." Going against such deeply ingrained beliefs about myself has been a doozy, but it's been such a relief to finally have some freedom from those lines of thinking.
I am not as apathetic and hateful as I thought I was. Don't get me wrong, when I get into a "mood" I can definitely be this way, however, upon working on healing myself I realized I actually, genuinely, enjoy helping people or taking care of them. I was never like this before because I was so deeply focused on keeping MYSELF safe, that I didn't even have the capacity to think or care about others. I was incredibly self-centered, and not in a bad way, in a survival way.
I don't have to let myself suffer all the time. If my body hurts I can take care of it. If I am hungry, I am allowed to eat. If I am uncomfortable in any given scenario, I can leave. I don't have to "just suffer through it." Suffering is not a virtue, and it doesn't make me stronger. It only makes me weaker.
People aren't as bad as I thought they were. From my limited experiences in the external world as a child and teen, every single interaction I ever had with someone was typically highly traumatic. Such is the way of a trauma holder who kind of "specializes" in the SA side of things. So as you can imagine, becoming a host and having to interact with people on a daily basis made it very hard to trust anyone around me. However, the more I interact with genuinely good people, the more I realize that "Humanity is Okay, actually." Yeah there are some really fucked up people, like our abusers, but there is so much genuine GOOD out there, and having my walls up at every second made it literally impossible to even see it. Learning how to trust and be vulnerable is still something I am working on. But I am doing it, and it hasn't backfired yet. Knowing who to trust has been hard because I typically just go "NOBODY," or at least, I used to. So I am very careful about who I put my trust in, and it has paid off immensely.
I am a genuinely good person, even when I do "bad" things. When I say bad things, I don't mean abusing others or things of that nature. But moreso, things that myself, our system, our brain, has ingrained in us as "bad." Such as coping with negative coping mechanisms (alcohol, drugs, impulsive spending, self harm), engaging in trauma reenactment scenarios, or being overly reactive (or the opposite, apathetic) to others around me. Just because I relapse into bad behaviors doesn't automatically make me a bad person, that just makes me human. And thinking that I'm going to get through this hell called "Trauma Therapy" without relapses is just ridiculous. Being kinder to myself has been a good step.
I am allowed to make mistakes. Kind of with the above, mistakes don't automatically mean I need to punish myself for making the mistake. Making mistakes is part of life, no matter how big or small they are. Showing myself grace when I do these things has been life-altering.
I am a human being. This one is kind of sad. A lot of our trauma holders feel very detached from being a person, including myself. A saying we have to remind ourselves of constantly is "We Are Human." We are a person, not a thing, not a demon, not a monster, not a faerie, not a statue, not a robot, not a doll, not an angel, not a god. We are human, and we deserve to be treated with the kindness and grace of one. That is the LEAST we deserve, is to be treated like a human. Unfortunately that has not been the case for a lot of our lives. But things are different now. And we are finally starting to understand that.
I don't have to live with one foot in trauma time and one foot in the present. This might be a bit confusing, but something our therapist noticed with a lot of us is that we often have one foot in the present and one foot still in trauma time. We often feel like we have to hold on tight to those experiences. During trauma anniversaries, we HAVE to relive them, that's our job. This may just be a personal system experience, but we didn't get closure when the trauma ended, so we never knew when it would happen again. There are so many parts in our system that are so sure it's going to start again even though it ended 15 years ago. They are still certain that "this year is different, this year they will come for us" which leaves us panicked and paranoid. Something we did to cope was essentially relive the trauma or reenact the trauma internally during those trauma times because we were so used to being traumatized the same ways all the time at the same times of the year, that when we suddenly weren't, we panicked. However, in therapy we have slowly started learning that the cycle is OVER and we don't have to live like this anymore. It's so hard. But we are making it work.
I hope by sharing these few things it will instill maybe a little bit of hope for those of you who are working through trauma therapy. I truly never thought I would be where I am today. I was considered one of our most self destructive persecutors for a long time, I would burn every bridge I could to keep people away from me, I would self harm and drink alcohol excessively, I would be reckless and impulsive to the point where there were many times that our gatekeepers had to frantically yank me out of the front so that I wouldn't end our life. The levels of pain I felt (and still very often feel, I am not "healed" yet) were so fucking immense that I just didn't want to be here anymore. But seeing where I came from versus where I am now has given me a lot of hope for where I could be in the coming months and years. I don't think I've ever truly had hope for the future, but now I am at the very least curious what it will bring. I think even just a mere curiosity is enough. You don't have to be excited for what is to come. Simply being curious is good, too.
I hope you all have a blessed day,
🪷Vivi👑
Many but One
#vivian🪷#did osdd#manybutone#trauma therapy#trauma treatment#trauma recovery#therapy#dissociative identity disorder#otherwise specified dissociative disorder#cdd#odd#did#actually did#actually traumatized#traumagenic#traumagenic system#dissociation
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[18+] Pick-A-Pile: If you could have your personal harem of lovers, how would it look like
Disclaimer:
Do not engage in this tarot reading if you are a minor or feel uncomfortable with sexual themed content
Tarot isn’t an exact science, I can never guarantee any of this
This tarot reading is for entertainment purposes only
It’s a timeless general PAC reading, take what resonates and dismiss the rest
Never base your life decisions on what cards say, you have your common sense to guide you and you have your destiny in your hands, you have freedom of choice
Hello and welcome to another Pick-A-Pile tarot reading from Kleo.
Personally, I have my imaginary harem in my mind and so I thought it would be fun to describe in detail how anyone’s harem could look if it was possible to create it in real life. Obviously, this reading is a pure fantasy and completely hypothetical. Please, do not try to create your own harem, unless all parties have clearly consented to such a thing. You can create an imaginary one in your mind but be careful to stay sane in the process. Lol. Okay!
If any of you feel uncomfortable with this idea, please, simply ignore this post, do not read any further and stay happily oblivious of the coming content.
For those of you, who find the idea fun and exciting, follow the usual routine.
You see three cards representing three piles down below. Focus on the prompt for this reading, take a deep breath and choose the card you feel most drawn to. Then expand the post and scroll to your reading. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Ready? Let’s go!
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Pile 01
Cards: 5 Flights of Fancy (Oracle of Visions), King of Cups, 5 of Swords, Queen of Cups (Dark Wood Tarot), 7 of Wands, Ace of Swords, 7 of Cups (Erotic Fantasy Tarot), III The Empress, 3 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups (Tarot of Sexual Magic), Perthro (Rune), 1 Aries (Starcodes Astro Oracle), 23 Circe (Deep, Dark & Dangerous Oracle), Dragonfly, Scorpio, Frog (The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Oracle)
Many of the cards speak of individuality and rulership. You are the good and just monarch and ruler of your harem, Pile 1. You are likely to listen to your lovers but the final decision is always yours and yours only. You are quite nurturing towards those close to your heart and you have a hard time to pick your bias in your harem because you simply love them all for their specific qualities.
You are a rather mindful and intelligent type of ruler, you probably value the intellectual qualities of your lovers over their looks. Your harem isn’t only a playground for you, it’s your think tank as well and you like to have deep and meaningful conversations with its members.
That doesn’t mean you treat your harem in a platonic way, of course. While you like to spark the ideas up, you are likely pretty sensual and passionate about the harem members as well. Big brains and ideas are the best aphrodisiacs for you and heated discussions are likely to escalate into even hotter and more physical orgies with your lovers. You’re democratic when it comes to affection and you make sure all your lovers are satisfied and happy in the end. Your energy is nearly bottomless and you can make good use of it.
While you are mostly impossible to tire, you need to charge and rejuvenate, too. Your healing element is water and it’s very likely your harem includes a bath house or private spa where you and your lovers can play in water. Just imagine all those fine bodies getting all moist, glistering and slick. You probably truly enjoy being pampered and spoiled while bathing and on dry land you always make sure the lubricant is at hand. You’re nor a big fan of rough traction.
While you are usually the caring and kind hearted ruler of your harem, everyone hides from your sight when you have a bad day. Your ability to discuss and talk with your lovers about anything and everything gives you a powerful weapon against them when they cross you. You spot and remember weak spots easily and when your lover does something you disapprove of, they are likely to spend a lot of time licking their emotional wounds caused by you. You can truly turn a cold shoulder to someone you’re no longer interested in and you’re likely to heavily ignore them until they get the signal it’s time for them to leave. You’re not really the type to openly fire a member of your harem but you create such unpleasant conditions for them, they will leave just to save their soul.
The cards suggest no specific gender when it comes to your harem which means it can be a male, female, mixed, non-binary harem, you name it. You are likely to pick your lovers carefully, maybe you even have forms and charts and pros and cons lists about every candidate for your harem. Or you follow your intuition diligently and only accept lovers who give you a good gut feeling.
You’re not super strict with the rules in your harem, you take each of your lovers as an individuality and you manage to navigate through any quarrels easily and with diplomacy. You are the best at kissing it better and smoothing rough edges. Your touch is warm, soft and nearly healing and your lovers are likely to seek opportunities for as much skinship as possible with you. You enjoy sensual physical contact, an easily flowing and slowly building up heat is more your thing. You especially love long foreplays with your lovers and you might have a thing for drinking games with them. Wetting their clothes, making them see through and sticking to their skin is also a fun activity with your lovers. You love kissing and making out with them, hickies and bites are inevitable. You like to suck on their necks, especially on the spot with the vein where you can clearly sense their pulse getting faster. If your harem includes males, you are likely to enjoy giving blowjobs to them and teasing them with your tongue, lips and teeth, making them hiss and moan and call your name. If your harem includes females, you are likely to feast on your lovers, eating them out with delight.
I think I have channelled all that the cards wanted to say to you, Pile 1. I hope you enjoyed this little fantasy.
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Pile 02
Cards: 40 Time (Oracle of Visions), 4 of Swords, 5 of Pentacles, 3 of Pentacles (Dark Wood Tarot), King of Pentacles, Queen of Wands, XV The Devil (Erotic Fantasy Tarot), X The Wheel of Fortune, IV The Emperor, Page of Wands (Tarot of Sexual Magic), Berkano (Rune), 29 Ceres (Starcodes Astro Oracle), 19 Nyx (Deep, Dark & Dangerous Oracle), Panther, Sea Serpent, Cosmic Egg (The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Oracle)
Dear Pile 2, your hypothetical harem is not only created for some spicy fun but it’s a base for a whole community for you. You treat each and every member as a dear and loved family member. You might incline towards poly relationships in real life, too. Your harem of lovers isn’t just an adult playground for you, they are the people you trust and can rely on. You build strong and meaningful relationships with them and the bond is really strong. You are pretty nurturing towards all members of your harem, you’re nearly motherly and you should be careful not to smother some of your lovers with too much of your care. They are adults after all.
You and your harem are likely to form one happy family. You support each other, you work together towards goals, you make sure everyone feels valued. While you are pretty democratic and you are able to listen to your lovers and hear their opinions out, you still make sure you are the top authority and that there’s a clear hierarchy in your harem so nobody is in doubt where they stand. You’re fair and you distribute your affection among all but you also have clear rules and a system of rewarding.
I have mentioned it before, that your harem is like one happy family. The cards suggest that if that is something you want from life, the children are also likely to be born in your life. Obviously your children are not going to be part of your hypothetical harem but they are likely to be the fruits of it. You are likely to make sure they are well treated and pampered by all members of your harem, no matter who the biological parents are. Maybe you even make sure the biological origin is half unknown just to secure fairness. You are likely to be a real mother type and including your harem as a part of a family-like community is more likely.
Your harem, Pile 2, is a place of calm and rest for you. You come to your lovers to recharge your batteries, to escape the rush and chaos of the world outside. You are likely to prefer some more vanilla and romantic types of interactions with your lovers. Sharing thoughts and talking about your feelings, soft and gentle touches, subtle flirting and sweet makeouts are more likely your things. You are likely a bright and naturally charming person, Pile 2, and you can chat and laugh with your lovers easily, you dissolve any kind of tension that could possibly build up.
The dark side of your strong relationship with your harem and your chosen family is your very strong attachment to them. You might become a bit too clingy and hold fast on your loved ones when they need a little more space. You might have tendencies to overprotect them and smother them with your love and affection. You need to learn that even your lovers need a certain freedom. Maybe they are going to make some mistakes you could prevent them from doing but those mistakes are going to help them to grow. And if it means they decide to leave your loving embrace, eventually, it’s better to let them go. You might also sometimes feel jealous or possessive and you need to learn to control these urges or they could poison the beautiful family you have built up. Your emotional waters are deep and you need to learn how to navigate when a storm hits you. Count to ten and take a deep breath before you say something you will regret later.
Last but not least, the sexy part of your reading, Pile 2. When it comes to your favourite activities with your lovers, you might be on the more traditional and sweet side of the spectrum. You’re not exactly a wild experimenter or a BDSM enthusiast, though you might have a soft spot for some aspects of the dynamics. You might like your lovers to treat you with chivalry and bring you flowers or court you in a way. I get the notion from cards that some of you, Pile 2 people, might enjoy calling your lover daddy or mommy when it comes to it. If that’s not really your thing, you might like non-sexual but still affectionate actions from your lovers like when they hold your hand or cover you with a blanket when they think you might be cold. You are likely to enjoy missionary position more but you might also have a mirror kink and you might find it really hot to get wild out in nature with your lovers. Picnic going sexy is one of the options.
I can’t really make much more from the cards so I hope you enjoyed this little fantasy.
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Pile 03
Cards: 45 Control (Oracle of Visions), XII The Hanged Man, VI The Lovers, Page of Pentacles (Dark Wood Tarot), 10 of Wands, VI The Lovers, XI Justice (Erotic Fantasy Tarot), 4 of Swords, 10 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles (Tarot of Sexual Magic), Tiwaz (Rune), 37 Descendant (Starcodes Astro Oracle), 29 Werewolf (Deep, Dark & Dangerous Oracle), Earthworm, Snake, Hyena (The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Oracle)
While Pile 1 and Pile 2 were pretty wholesome when it comes to their hypothetical harem, you, Pile 3, treat your harem as a playground and your lovers are your toys. You’re the master puppeteer, you pull the strings, control, manipulate, play games and tricks on your lovers and keep them running after you with their tongues rolled out and drooling all over the ground just to feel even the slightest shiver from your affection. And you’re not the one to give it easily for sure. Your lovers have to earn your love and attention, they have to bring sacrifices in order to be invited into your harem. Your rules and boundaries are clearly set and you take no shit or messing around from those who are here to follow your orders.
You’re a charmer and you can make anyone fall for you deep and hard and up to their necks, to the level they feel like they will suffocate without you and your permission to breathe. You can play multiple roles at once, you can be witty and bright, you are the dominatrix, the teacher, the ultimate monarch of your harem. You, my dear Pile 3, truly enjoy the benefits of harem dynamics to the fullest. Your lovers come and submit to you like crazy and you don’t need to lift a finger to push them. One glance of your eyes, one mysterious smile of your lips, a slight nod and they are on their knees in front of you.
Your harem is your private playground and you never allow it to interfere with other aspects of your life. The line between fun and everything else is clear for you and if any of the members of your harem wishes to cross that line, you have no mercy with them and kick them out into the cold and dark world where you ignore them as hard as nutrition labels on groceries.
You are likely to invite inexperienced lovers into your harem as you like to play the teacher and master role and shape them to your likings from scratch. You like to guide them and show them all the secrets of love and sex and you like to see them in awe and with their eyes wide with curiosity.
While you like to command and teach, you’re not likely to limit your harem to only those who learn from you and give nothing back. Your harem is likely to include some experts as well so you can experiment and expand your knowledge and experience with those who are not afraid to push the limits and take risks.
Your harem is a place where you become a different person. In your regular life, you might be a completely ordinary person with an ordinary and dull job. Once you enter your private harem, you become a dazzling and charismatic seducer, a player and you go wild. You like the whole contrast of change, the Jakyll and Hyde sides of yours.
You are not likely to form extremely strong bonds with your lovers as you don’t really care that much about them apart from the physical aspect. You like your lovers to be fun and in some way intriguing. They don’t have to be overly handsome or pretty but they should have a spark and be willing to play games with you.
The negative side is that you have tendencies to use your lovers and consider them as expansion of yourself and disregard them as individualities. You need to work on this if you want them to stay longer in your harem, otherwise you’ll notice a significant rotation rate among your lovers. On the other hand you have a thing for novelty so maybe you don’t even mind them coming and going like the seasons change.
From all the above you probably know by now that you are pretty much up for any kink and any practice in the book. To mention just some of your most favourite things of yours, I would definitely state threesoms or even better group orgies. You like to be the centre of attention and pampered and spoiled by your lovers while giving them only as much release as needed for them to stay contented but still kinda horny 24/7. You like to play with their minds and you love toys. You might even tease your harem by keeping them at distance while you pleasure yourself on your own using your large collection of toys. You know… making them suffer and drool and horny. With your apprentice type of lovers you enjoy the corruption kink and with your expert lovers you are likely to discipline them and whip them until they give their best performance…the whip is a metaphor… in some cases.
I think we can call it a day here. I hope you enjoyed this little fantasy.
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Please, remember that this tarot reading is purely for fun. Thank you.
I have some more ideas for pile readings in my mind now so you might see more coming soon. Feel free to drop suggestions in my inbox, though I can't promise I will follow them. I go with my gut feeling. 😊
P.S. Before even knowing the cards, I have picked Pile 03 🤫🤭 Those who know me well, are not surprised. 🤣
#oracle kleo#pick a pile#pick a card#PAC#pac reading#tarot pick a card#tarot pick a pile#kinky pick a pile#kinky pick a card#kinky tarot#future spouse#future spouse pick a card#kinky future spouse#kinky future spouse tarot#future spouse tarot#18+ pac#18+ content#18+ tarot
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Another anon who read the tags on your last post here! I've felt the need to write something myself since your situation feels so similar to mine when I was younger and maybe my experiences will help you in some way. Feel free to not respond to this if it's uncomfortable, it's totally okay! :)
I also didn't have a supportive family when it came to my interests, still kind of don't. I'm 22 (soon to be 23) and my family members are still looking at me funny regarding my hobbies, just like they did when I was 14-15. It was weird for them to see a child… liking toys and shows made for kids I guess?? They've also said that I was mature for my age, but let me tell you this is INCREDIBLY coercive. ''Since we've called you mature, you wouldn't want to betray us and do something childish now, would you?'' - guys. Just because YOU'VE called me mature doesn't mean that it's true. Maybe I am mature but EMOTIONALLY or got good grades at school. But it doesn't necessarily mean that I will abandon anything that brings me comfort and joy for the sake of a byname that won't mean anything to me. Ever. I think that being mature also means accepting what is dear to you and not being ashamed of that. Being mature is being responsible for your own well being - which you do by enjoying your hobbies! By surrounding yourself with things that will make you get through life a bit easier. Throwing everything out, or denying ever liking said thing is the childish thing to me here.
It's good to read that you want to embrace who you are! After all - we only have one life to live. Why waste it on pleasing everyone around instead of ourselves? ESPECIALLY if it's a hobby that does NO HARM to anyone (well maybe except your wallet). Don't ever let go of what you love, unless YOU decide it's time to move on. I still keep my LPS collection after all those years, after being told countless of times to ''sell them, because you will save some good money'' or just to give them away. What if (stay with me here) I WILL decide what to do with MY property?
And regarding those people who've belittled you for your interests - I am still recovering from the same thing that happened almost a decade ago at school. But I've learned that not everyone behaves like those mean bullies - maybe some people are genuinely interested in what I have to say? Maybe we can bond over this? Maybe I can get a new friend who will accept my ''weird'' hobbies? And thanks to that mindset I've tried opening to more and more people, only to find out that those bullies were the MINORITY and usually people are glad to hear they're not alone in their hobbies or pleasant memories. It made me feel so much less anxious about myself, I can't recommend trying to open up enough!!
Sorry if this ask got long, I had plenty of thoughts in my brain it seems, haha. Anyway, OP you're not alone in your struggles and if you have any worries feel free to say so! Stay awesome <3
~lots of love from anon
i think it's kinda insane that adults expect children to immediately grow out of the things they like in favor of more "mature" interests and media. like, why can't that 13 year old watch my little pony? would you prefer it if they were watching that or something like euphoria? 😭 why is it so bad and weird when children are acting like children and want to engage with media that was literally created for them. that's something i don't think i'll ever understand
i'm happy to now be surrounded by people who care about me and indulge in my interests, and i hope you are able to have that too anon !!
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Hey there! I get most of my bl recs from this blog, and I was reading through your Minato's Laundromat watch along post. I was going to watch it but the age gap really messes me up? In Old Fashion Cupcake they have a large age gap but they're still both adults. I suppose it's because of my own past, but a 17 year old with a 27 year old makes me uncomfortable. Would you be okay with the same age gap if it was irl, or only in fiction? Please take no offence to this question, btw, I'm trying to figure out if I should watch it or not.
Age Gap & BL - Taboo, Morality, Teenagers & Laundromats
Ooo, age gap. Well this might just be another JBL whips ABL into a verbal frenzy situation. You ready?
Age gap is one of those tropes that edges into taboo, so like the stepbrothers trope, you may have internalized trauma or cultural conditioning around it.
You may never be able to watch these kinds of BLs no matter what I say or what Japan does about it. And that’s fine! Please know your own limits.
Some of us have baggage around childhood, and allowing children to be children, and adults interfacing with children, and age of consent, and sexual awakening and maturity.
But it means to talk about the romantic and erotic nature of an age gap romance, we gotta talk about culture for a moment.
When does a child become an adult?
Certain cultures have a more fixed age of consent than others. Japan’s, as I talk about in my Coin watch along post, is more flexible than the USA, for example.
Anthropologically speaking, this is something to examine about yourself. What constitutes “growing up” to you?
Is it a fixed line you cross (like a birthday) - what we would call ascribed status, or is is a thing you earn = achieved status? Is it wisdom or education?
In some places, it’s the moment a biological woman gets her period or after a biological man’s voice breaks.
In others, it’s the moment she puts on a head scarf or lengthens her skirt.
It’s the moment he kills his first big game or weaves feathers into his hair.
In some places, it centers around controlling procreation and the feminine.
In others, it is about protection and the fear of youth being exploited.
In others, it’s about a transition from one role in the group to another new role in society.
Everywhere it is about crossing a threshold.
How big is that threshold, how wide that line? How much time does it occupy in our cultural consciousness? This is what teen’s grapple with. That liminal space between childhood and adulthood. How frustrating to have to exist there. How necessary to form cohesive identity. How do they know, how do we know, when they have crossed through and come out the other side?
Who decides this for you? Who decides this ABOUT you? The government? The legal system? The family unit? Yourself? Your religion? A big fuck-off party?
Why 18? Why 21? Why can 18 not fuck 17 but can fuck 21? Did you feel ready to date, to have sex, when you were 18? Or were you ready before that, after, never? Is sexuality even really an indication of adultness to you?
Would I be okay with the same age gap if it was irl, or only in fiction?
My personal perspective:
I’ve talked about this before but I came into sexual identity and desire very early, but I didn’t really date or have sex until comparatively late, and it took me longer than that to unearth my own kinks and queerness.
My parents were very permissive and I knew how to be safe and so I could have done anything I wanted to, probubly from 14 on, which is one of the reasons I didn’t.
I’ve dated up to 10 years older, and over 10 years younger, but always individuals who were qualified as legal adults by any standards.
I do think there are plenty of people too young for sex, by any definition. Certainly plenty of 18 year olds too young for it.
I am personally squicked out by the idea of engaging in any level of intimacy with much younger lovers at this point in my life. It seems like too much work and boring and also a little gross.
But I also believe in giving children responsibility, discipline, autonomy, freedom, and high functioning tasks. I do not agree with helicopter parenting or infantilization. I had my first job when I was 10. Outside the home. I liked it. I learned a lot. I traveled internationally alone for the first time when I was 8. This skews my perspective on what it means to be mature.
Would I be okay with 17 + 27 IRL?
Probubly not but it would depend on the power dynamic. If class, culture, finances, and/or gender made it clear the older person was calling all the shots while being in the position of power, I would be highly uncomfortable. I might even interfere. (If there’s a sugar daddy relationship going on I would probubly make inquiries as to the nature of the contract, and that the younger sub understood their dynamic properly. In the D/s world I do think Dominants have a responsibility to oversee other Dominants for abuse patterns.)
In fiction, I am thinking of Alexis Hall’s For Real which is an excellent gay romance about a large age, wealth, life, experience, EVERYTHING gap where the Dom is a young college age kid and the sub is an established doctor. It’s brilliant and it tackles many of these things. I highly recommend it.
Fiction allows for a certain amount of suspension of disbelief. Also it allows us to see into intimacy in a way we ordinarily can’t outside of our own lives.
Shin is younger but he is also VERY MUCH the aggressor. He makes all the first moves. They have not kissed, at these ages, and I do not think they will.
I’m going to ask you a question.
How would this age dynamic make you feel if it were say: man 18 & woman 28, and he’s a freshman in college and she’s in a comfortingly genderized service job, say waitress? How about if he is a young CEO and she’s his secretary?
Is part of the discomfort coming from the gayness? (Because in the west there is a long history of cultural association between gay & pedophile which is very insidious and his impacted the queer community quite severely, it may be acting on your subconscious.)
Is part of the discomfort coming from the life state? High School. Is leaving high school actually a conference of maturity, or just a societal excuse we westerners use to sluff off our filial responsibility to our youth?
Is it all about the fixed age? Is there really that a big a jump between 17 and 18 or does it just make us feel better because certain laws say 18 = adult?
It’s worth making yourself uncomfortable with thought experiments around this dynamic to try to understand why you feel this way. After all, you gave me a thought experiment, I’m just returning the favor.
But honestly this is part of Coin’s point. To make you think about what it means to be adult and mature. To make you uncomfortable as a watcher.
Cupcake versus Coin
Okay the interesting thing about comparing Old Fashion Cupcake (AKA Cupcake) to Minato’s Laundromat (AKA Coin) is that they are actually quite similar.
Younger seme by 10 years is the one doing the pursuing.
Older uke behaves in a childish and flirtatious manner as part of his personality.
Both semes are clearly sexually frustrated.
Both have pined for a decade.
Both narratives are from Japan.
But in Cupcake the age gap almost amusing. Especially to some of us. That the characters are even worried about this kind of age gap, at their age? It’s silly. Why?
Well, the age gap is there, but really these two are at the same life stage, so it’s not the driver of the story. Emotional maturity is. Learning how to love and appreciate yourself (and what time has beaten you into) so you can be open to affection and sensation and life. Togawa is defined by his willingness to participate in all the world has to offer - those HAMSTER cheeks, are a way of showing his unconsciousness indulgence in sensation. While Nozue is defined by his careful withdrawal, his unwillingness to participate, to take risks, and his own self-hatred and sadness because he KNOWS, he is mature enough to realize, that he did this to himself.
Neither Minato nor Shin are mature in this regard. Both characters are not self aware. Both characters lack emotional IQ. Shin is incapable of teaching Minato how to open himself back up to affection, because Shin does not have enough life experience to empathize with why Minato ran away and shut down in the first place.
Shin is too young. He thinks he would never run. He thinks love is the answer. He thinks love is enough.
It’s never is.
Minato’s Laundromat is a high school student paired with a grown (if immature) man. Same character dynamics as Cupcake. Same age gap as Cupcake. But this narrative must face its age gap head on. And that’s why it’s making people uncomfortable.
Japan is using to Coin tackle notions of maturity but not just sexual awakening and desire, but how maturity translates to emotional intelligence and ownership of self.
Both characters are mature in certain ways.
Shin is the eldest of a large family, he’s basically raised his siblings, he’s taught himself to cook, he’s driven in his studies, he wants to become a doctor. He knows how to be a boyfriend, or he thinks he does. He knows what he desires. He knows how to ask and he knows how to flirt. Shin knows who he is and what he wants and that is mature, but also he is performing the role of a seme as he thinks it’s supposed to be undertaken. He is acting the role of the boyfriend that he has read about in his comic books, it’s not (yet) natural to him, the way it is to Togawa. But he doens’t realize this because he’s too young.
Minato has two failed relationships behind him and a failed career. He knows what it is to hurt. He knows things don’t work out. He knows wanting a thing is not the same as having it and holding on. He has found his way to a kind of peace, and kind of inertia. Unlike Nozue, he is genuinely happy, he’s not at all lost, but he is hiding, and he is scared. But this he knows about himself. Minato is hiding that he is gay, he is acting in a way to fit back into his home, but at heart he is an open and honest person, naturally kind and gregarious, so he too is acting, performing a role, it’s just he knows it.
Both Cupcake and Coin are about bravery, but in the one case we have a clear model example of how to be brave, an end goal, and it is Togawa. In the other we have conflict over bravery, because it means something different when you are at different life stages.
Shin can be as brave as humanly possible, and he is constantly putting himself out there, constantly asking and begging and pushing Minato to give in to their desires. But while that may be a model of courage, it is not safe for Minato. Minato’s bravery is in resisting. Is in not giving in. And it will eventually be in hurting Shin to drive him away. Even lying to Shin about his feelings.
Shin cannot be trusted because he is too young. For no other reason. The age gap is the problem because of life experience. This story isn’t really about whether it’s “okay” for them to sleep together because that is just not going to happen, no matter what Shin thinks. And any perceptive watcher with know this. (Also this is not dark JBL, dark JBL would have gone there.)
Minato may be immature but he has a fixed moral compass. This story isn’t about that or sacrificing self for desire, those kinds of discourses are left to the older BLs and noona romances, Japan has already tackled it. They’re moving on.
Shin can only be brave, it’s all he knows to try. He cannot be patient. He cannot give up. Minato can only be a coward, it’s all he’s ever been. His only experience is in taking a risk and hurting himself, or taking a risk by betraying his own identity and hurting others.
Minato sees only one outcome: hurt, either his pain or Shin’s. His maturity will be in realizing that the right thing to do will hurt both of them. But for now he remains in limbo, unable to lie and say “I don’t want Shin,” because he is an honest person and he does want Shin.
But also unable to say yes because everything in him is screaming that even if it were right, this is the wrong time. Shin is, by any measure, too young. Minato’s instinct is to run, but he has already run to his hometown and laundromat for safety. And now Shin is challenging him in that space too.
This is what makes this show so tense. We know Minato will not crumble, but the challenge is constant and it is real. And it makes us all, including Minato and Shin, feel unsafe.
Shin is making Minato’s place of refuge unsafe. Minato has nowhere else to go. That’s why this show it titled the way it is.
The laundromat is being used as a metaphor for Minato’s life state.
That’s why each ep always opens and closes on the laundromat. That’s why Shin in ALWAYS depicted in doorways. Between inside and out, one room and another.
Shin is shown coming inside Minato’s spaces.
Shin is desperate to be invited into Minato’s home.
Minato goes outside the building to confront Shin.
Shin waits on the threshold, fainting from heatstroke. Because... he cannot wait.
Because Shin is a teenager, his is in that liminal time of life. He is neither child nor adult. He is himself the spirit of transition. This series is using him occupying thresholds as a metaphor for his life state. He is both AT a threshold and IS a threshold.
Shin is in motion, trying to fit, trying to occupy Minato’s space. In and out of the doorways of Minato’s safe little life, his laundromat. Minato who is ahead of him, settled, hiding under blankets, tending to his machines, embraced by his community, home.
Shin thinks Minato is his home. Is his destination.
And the horror of this show is that there is a distinct possibility that Shin is right.
Minato knows this.
And so do we.
It’s just this is not the right time. Shin hasn’t had a journey yet. You can’t come home, if you never leave it. And you can’t appreciate it, if you never go. That’s the nature of growing up.
Shin may have found his nest. But is it his, if he never learned to fly?
So it is Minato we must trust not to make a mistake. Because Shin is absolutely going to. Shin has put Minato in the position of having to push him out of the nest and watch him fall. Watch him get hurt. Watch him fly away. Minato who actually wants to be the safety net, who saves children from drowning, who wants so desperately to be loved. Minato is going to have to act in a way that is not only disingenuous to his own character, but that he knows Shin will see as a betrayal. Minato is going to have to hope that Shin will go away and grow up and realize that such a betrayal was actually an act of love.
Wether you like this show will depend on whether you trust Minato to do that. Or trust the narrative.
So I can’t answer whether you should watch it yet, because i don’t know. I do trust it. But this is Japan, they always surprise me.
(source)
#japanese bl#flipping heck i have a lot to say these days#JBL#adapted from a manga#live action yaoi#ShinMinato#Old Fashion Cupcake#Old Fashioned Cupcake#Minato Shoji Koinrandori#Minato Shoji Coin Laundry#Minato Shouji Coin Laundry#Minato’s Laundromat#age gap romances
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GAP the Series Ep 5 Stray Thoughts
Last week Mon was accepted into the confidences of Sam's friends, and was given guidance on how to read Sam's moods and responses. We learned that Sam's public persona is artificial and managed by the friends, and we also confirmed that Sam very much likes Mon. Bestie and I gushed over how good everyone looked all episode, and really liked the long pink coat Mon wore.
I still can't believe Tee didn't hit on Mon's friend, Yuki.
I get Sam reflexively choosing to cut off Mon. Her friends may want to tease her, but she already lost both of her sisters because of her grandmother's homophobia and is definitely going to be reactive about losing control of a situation.
I love how we can tell how Mon feels by the intensity and detail of the pinks she's wearing.
Sam may be pissed, but she still came to slay.
I agree, Chin's shirt is too much.
Gosh, Sam is so pathetic. I love her so much. She's so scared of how much she likes Mon, and is so bad at expressing it.
It's kind of interesting how Becky speaks English words with a Thai accent when she's speaking Thai.
Poor Sam. First she's jealous of the food, and now she's jealous of Chin.
Baby is a Messy Eater: GL Edition
I am fighting for my life. The "can we trade and I bite your lips" exchange was so charged. I am fanning myself.
The tension is palpable. So proud of Sam for making her desire clear.
Nop has to go. He ruined a potential first kiss.
Freen is so good at this. She played Sam's frustration and irritation perfectly.
Oh my goodness this confrontation took a deeply uncomfortable turn when Sam asserted her class position. Like, I don't like Nop either, but GODDAMN.
Whoever is in charge of lighting on this show is almost as good as the folks who light Hallmark films.
Oh, the Dutch angles are finally relevant.
The DP was very clever to use the bench and the columns as lines. Also whoever chose to use the sprinkler system like this needs a bonus.
Mon is almost wearing purple today; she must be feeling especially down.
Oh no, now Sam feels she must punish Chin for potentially flirting with Mon.
Sam's Facebook name is "I AM YOUR BOSS." She is too much. I love her.
Okay, something very LGBT happened to Mon when Sam grabbed her chin.
Okay, but Mon also licked Sam's nose a bit there.
I really admire Mon. As much as she adores Sam, she still chided her for being cruel to Chin.
Alright, the lip bite that just wasn't a kiss just sent me out of the park.
That's two days in a row we're getting heartbeat stuff.
I know this is sexy, but I am so scared that Becky is going to fall off those stairs.
Freen is really so funny in this role. I really wasn't sure at first, but I am having a lot of fun.
This is a truly fantastic first kiss. It's so much what Sam has desperately hoped for, but she has to disguise it in a "game" and she has to minimize the impact by calling it normal behavior between gals. She even sidesteps clarifying their relationship. It's tough for Mon, too. She also really wants this, but understands the social politics at stake and doesn't push for more. I'm losing it.
BL has rarely engaged eye-fucking, and Becky and Freen are putting on a clinic.
So glad Mon's coworkers care Bout the health of her lips. They should carry this energy over to GMMTV sets.
Desire is just so attractive on Freen, holy SHIT.
If Sam only has one friend on Facebook, why does this post have six reactions? Also, I love the energy of posting WANT KISS NOW on Facebook because your crush is ignoring your eye-fucking.
Thankfully Jim interrupted with a text, because Sam was not going to stop at a kiss.
Oh no. I can see the camera person in Jim's glasses.
"With that low salary, what are you going to buy?" MA'AM, YOU ARE THE ONE PAYING HER!!!!!
I don't care about anyone else. I liked the cash-cheer joke.
I like Becky's singing voice.
Ah, Mon was feeling poor and inadequate compared to Sam's friends.
New GL Trope Unlocked: Let Me Put This Lip Balm on You.
Becky really delivers on the lovestruck stun effect every time.
There's so much to look forward to in that teaser! We are eating good next weekend!
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genuinely so so sorry if i’ve ever mischaracterized phys, i don’t want to ever make authors uncomfortable :( i send a lot of stuff about lyrics and songs that i think potentially fit physouma, but i never fully explain the choices because i don’t want to be overbearing or say too much! i can explain the choices if you’d like me to clear some stuff up or if i did mischaracterize them you can explain why to clear up any misinterpretations others may also have?? i’m sorry again, hope you have a great rest of your day/night <3
(sorry!!!!)
NOOOO NONONO okay . i love hearing songs and music because theyre subjective and interpretive!!! i dont want to ever make anyone feel like they cant send something and be like 'this is so physouma' bc even if i dont personally see it i LOVE hearing that other people do . that sort of stuff has never made me uncomfortable or annoyed me, in fact it literally fills with me utter joy trying to find what other people see in the lyrics or songs that fit physouma's vibe. i love it!!! i dont always get around to answering everything but its because im both busy and forgetful .
and with songs its very different because its like. how do i explain this. finding lyrics that fit physouma will always be more 'vague' because songs as a medium contain a lot less detail than a 400k word fic. obviously. so if something is hyperbolic or reductive, i wont take offense or find it weird. for example, the song 'jackie down the line' by fontaines d.c. i have claimed as a physouma song before. even though its about a guy trying to claim that any relationship with him will be ruined because he will lie, hurt and manipulate his partner in the end. there are ELEMENTS of physouma here ( a relationship on the rocks bc one of the partners is a liar ) but the song is a lot more mean-spirited and hopeless than i believe physouma is. but that's the beauty of it!! finding meaning or relevance in lyrics that weren't tailored to physouma.
all that to say, don't ever worry about mischaracterisation in the songs or lyrics you send me. dude ive compared physouma to a fucking play by samuel beckett. the sky is literally ur limit. and i love getting those asks :') im sorry if that last post made YOU uncomfortable, or that i dont appreciate those kinds of asks. all engagement is good engagement. i dont even really resent people who misunderstand phys or physouma, i know sleep awake is super long and nobody thinks as long or intensely about it as me.
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for @antogioamoremio because i felt like it :) it's not long, but i hope you like it anyways 🥰
Valtteri doesn't react past a little smile when Guanyou shows him the clip. "He was always silly," he says, and doesn't look at Dan's wide smile.
"Oh yeah, you guys were teammates, right?" Guanyou asks, and Valtteri nods. "Yeah, a long time ago," he answers, and changes the topic to their preparations for Singapore.
The problem is; he can't stop thinking about it.
The problem is, he knows Daniel. They may not have spoken much in the past (too long) couple of years, but that was kind of to be expected. Their paths very much diverged, and Valtteri knows Dan didn't - he wasn't jealous per se, of Valtteri's Mercedes engagement. Dan isn't - he's not a bad person. He's a bit too self centered sometimes, but Valtteri thinks all of them are, the racers. They have to be. But there was a definite change in the warmth of their interactions sometime in 2017, and Valtteri was alright with that. He was, really. He couldn't expect things to stay the same, and he didn't expect Danny to be there post race every time, like he used to be before, with some new coffee for Val to try and a joke ready on his lips when Val's race went to hell. He didn't.
But that's not the point. The point is that, no matter how much time passes, Valtteri was there when Daniel was starting his career, before he became who he is today. Before he managed to construct his mask fully. And that means that Valtteri will always be able to see through it's cracks.
They're bigger these days, the cracks. Almost see-through. It makes Val uncomfortable, how much he can see. How much the world can see of true Daniel Ricciardo. It shouldn't be like that, he thinks. He should get to have his heartbreaks in private. At least this one.
But that's not the way the world works. Danny was never like Val. Never quiet, never private, never afraid to show his whole heart to the world and beg them to love him. Maybe that's why the world did; why it does. Because Danny couldn't help but put too much of himself into the mask; because his personality was too big and too beautiful to be contained; because even the glimpses the world was graced with was enough for people to fall a little bit in love with him.
And now Valtteri can't stop thinking about that video, because he saw something he didn't think he'd see for a long time. Not ever; no. Danny was too resillient to let anything break him completely. But Val thought he may need more time to be able to show the genuine joy Val spotted in the video.
He remembers the late night phone-calls in 2020, and then in 2021 when he finally decided to part with Mercedes. When he finally stopped torturing himself. He remembers Danny saying It hurts, you know. Letting go. It hurts like a motherfucker. But it hurts even more when you stay where they don't want you.
Valtteri took those words to heart. He really did. He thinks that was the final catalyst for his decision, and he hasn't regretted it since.
He only wishes he knew what to say to Danny in August. He wishes he had said anything at this point, instead of staring at that video of him announcing his parting with McLaren and trying not to punch a wall when Danny's mask almost crumbled completely. Wishes he'd sent a message, at least.
Valtteri takes another sip of his coffee and twists his phone in his hands. It's delicious.
(It's Australian. Came directly from a microbrewery. Danny bought it for him in Melbourne, when they raced. Gave it to him in the paddock and said If you ever need reccs, hit me up. Vatteri hadn't. He didn't know how to ask.)
He looks outside. The sun is coming down, the orange and yellow brightness mixing with blues and greys of the sky.
"Fuck it," he mutters. He wills his hands not to shake. He is powerless about his heart.
To: Danny Ric
[18:34] i'm your favorite baby? :)
[18:35] to think you haven't even asked me if i'm okay with pet names :)
Valtteri sips his coffee as he waits for an answer, and smiles when a stray ray of sun dances on his face before it, too, gets swallowed by the night.
#hope u like this fran#dantteri#f1 rpf#effervescentdragonwrites#my writing#idk what this is but screw it#first time writing this ship pls be gentle i have no idea what im doing
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@jonphaedrus replied to your post “Here's one of those uncomfortable tidbits that no...”:
you saying this is what made me realize the reason my family is so critical about my anger is that i am fully 100% willing to cut someone out of my life regardless of who they are or what they might mean if they hurt me enough, and they're all terrified i might do that to them, so. i guess food for thought for me!
So I think they're related because it comes from the same impulse on the people who are witnessing the anger, but they're also not quite the same thing.
What I'm talking about it's more to do with those very first meetings, the first thing you learn about someone and how people keep inadvertently sabotaging those first connections by making anger the first thing people associate with them, and then even when they get past that first stage despite the anger, not actually working to build a relationship by showing other parts of their personality or engaging in relationship building behavior, like bonding over shared interests or expressing curiosity about the other person, but instead doubling down on the anger, which does eventually leave the other person with the assumption that anger IS the sum total of their personality. And that is the red flag that people bounce off from and it becomes a cycle that ends with angry, bitter people who fall into misanthropic pits because "no one cares about them" and "making friends is impossible in this day and age", completely oblivious to the fact they're doing this.
What you're describing is a very well documented phenomenon where people feel threatened by someone's ability to cut off people in their life, and mischaracterize such a thing as "anger."
You don't cut people out of your life out of anger, you do so as a direct consequence of their actions. They hurt you, not once or twice, but as a pattern of deeply unrepentant behavior that made you realize no matter what you tried, no matter what you said, no matter how you asked or explained that they were hurting you, they would in fact continue to hurt you so long as you were close enough for them to hurt.
And it's kind of really shitty, the way people react to this because, as you say, they mischaracterize it as "anger" and become wary because they get stuck on that pit of "you could do that to family, you could do that to me!" Never really having the emotional maturity to put down the pearl clutching panic and really LOOKING at the situation and LISTENING to what you're actually saying: "I will not be your target for abuse, I will not allow you to hurt me, nor will I prioritize your comfort over my well-being." Because cutting someone out of your life is never the first option. It's hard! Like, logistically! It's hard! It involves cutting a ton other people out, and it feels like you're the villain who's forcing people to choose, because people ALWAYS fucking frame it as being forced to choose. No one cuts people out like that for funsies.
It unfortunately takes a certain level of emotional maturity and self-confidence to be presented with "Yeah, I'm going no contact with X" and react with "okay" instead of "why?" or "am I next?" And the venn diagram of people who are that well adjusted and the people who live in the splash zone of someone so toxic you need to cut them off cold turkey is basically two circles barely touching. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I have unfortunately never seen it in the wild.
It's the splash damage. Different people handle trauma and abuse and hurt differently, and prioritize different things for the sake of their own well-being. I don't think it's an inherently malicious impulse, but I do think it's shitty, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
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I think the biggest issue with fandom is probably the lack of moderation.
And I don’t say this meaning “fandom should be moderated,” no. I mean, people in fandoms tend to do things in excess or can be very overindulgent with certain things. Fandom lacks personal or individual restraint.
Yes, it’s good to read fiction that will challenge you and will make you uncomfortable, but it’s also important to approach those subjects carefully and when reading or engaging with this material it’s important to step away and engage in other content. (This is about the on-going discourse regarding whether it’s okay to write about difficult topics. The answer is “yes*” *but please also do research, if you are a survivor learn about other people’s experiences. Fuck, if you ain’t a survivor, do this regardless.)
Yes, it’s healthy to self ship and there are psychological benefits to it, but it’s also important to also have real and healthy relationships with people. Platonic or romantic. It’s also important to recognise when something is too far. (This is about how people tend to take their obsessions with characters too far, and don’t engage with actual real people in their day to day lives.)
Yes, it’s healthy to have coping mechanisms, but don’t glorify or make light of serious issues such as rape or incest or abuse. Organisations have written guides on how to write topics such as suicide or rape and how to best approach these kinds of topics in fiction. Use them please. (This is about “proshippers.”**)
Yes, art should be free of censorship, but please let’s respect the wishes of the creator when it comes to the character’s sexualities, romantic preferences. And yes, it’s healthy to draw vent art or write vent fiction but please don’t post your incest/rape/abuse fics about your personal trauma online where people can see it and be cunts about it. (This is about how people frequently disregard aroace characters’ sexualities in order to ship them with other characters. This is also about “proshippers.”)
Yes, it’s good to have debate and talk with your fellow humans, and you shouldn’t be afraid to speak to other people. But it’s also important to know that your experiences may not be universal and bigotry is a very real thing. (This is specifically about fandom racism and how people treat people of colour in fandom because holy shit, white people, listen. Stfu and listen.)
Yes, it’s okay to have something as a means of escapism. But not to the detriment of other people. (This is about Palestine, and Sudan, and Congo.)
People have gotten waaaay too comfortable sharing very intimate and personal details about themselves online. Publicly too. Stuff that maybe you should reconsider before sharing with others, such as your mental disorders/traumas/real names/etc. And obviously, I can’t talk about every single aspect of fandom and the nuances behind a lot of stuff, but hopefully my point is at least somewhat clear. Approach anything you do online with restraint.
I think the best piece of advice I’d give to folks would be this: Please always think about the work you engage with, think about other people when posting and how they will feel, and that just because this is the internet, it doesn’t mean that you are anonymous. Have empathy. Approach conversations in good faith. Ask for clarification if something isn’t clear. Go outside. Seriously, go outside. Open a window in your room. Do other things too. Read fiction or non-fiction stories, depending on which is more out of your wheelhouse. Please go actually read the books you claim to be experts on. Go out of your way to follow more POC who are in your fandoms. Don’t ignore the real world.
**I put “proshipper” in quotation marks because I’m doing that annoying thing where people put quotation marks over terms they think are weird or when they are being sarcastic. In this case, I think proshipper as a term has been very much muddled in so much fandom discourse that it’s very hard to talk about proshippers without someone not understanding what the fuck the other person is talking about. In this case, proshipper means someone who is comfortable shipping characters regardless of the level of abuse prevalent in the relationship, and even romanticise it to some extent, portraying these relationships as desirable.
#aso rambles#fandom#fandom discourse#please approach this in good faith#im trying to say this in good faith#shipping#shipping discourse
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