#it’s not even the fun kind of mania where i have a lot of energy and a better mood its the kind where im just super restless n agitated :(
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i feel insane. probably due to the fact that i am in fact bipolar and probably manic. but yknow
#🌀.txt#personal#it’s not even the fun kind of mania where i have a lot of energy and a better mood its the kind where im just super restless n agitated :(
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"Take your pills" - Sonozaki Shion
Every interaction with my family is like the most rage-inducing thing imaginable, like it's impressive how rarely I see most of them yet of the like 2 times I see each of them each year most of them always find some way to piss me off, like it's actually impressive, like they take 2 shots and somehow get a headshot both times. See my uncle for the first time since Christmas (hopefully the last time until next Christmas too, or preferably forever if life goes well in the next few months), literally never talk to this particular uncle btw, despite that he's fucking like, weirdly perceptive? at least compared to the rest of my dad's side of my family (which tbf, is an extremely low bar), I probably say one sentence to him every year and yet he's the only person who's caught onto me not being christian, and also that I was suicidal as fuck a few years ago. Realistically, surely by this point at least a couple of the others have at least figured out I'm not religious, as dense as they are there's fucking no way they haven't connected the dots by now, but they definitely didn't until long after he did, which would be dangerous as fuck if I was in a worse position, because he is probably the most religious person in my family, and very high up there with the most religious people I've ever met in general, luckily as far as I'm aware he's very silent about other people's business, so that's good.
Point is. I think he may have clocked me as trans lol. Which if he has, at this point, would be really fucking funny, actually hilarious, because there is quite literally nothing he could do to cause any problems for me with that information. He probably hasn't figured it out fully, I think I do a pretty good job at hiding that particular thing, and at least keeping it well within the realm of plausible deniability, but he's almost definitely at least a little bit suspicious. I went to my grandmother's house, they were there for some reason, I blanked out for most of that encounter so I don't remember any of what led up to this, but like 5 minutes in, completely unprompted he asks "how do you feel about transgenders?"
It was so fucking weird, like I said I don't talk to him like, at all, ever, even when I am in the same room as him, and the rare times when I do the conversation is usually just like, basic filler conversations. Of course I answer in the most Plausible Deniability™ way possible and say "complete indifference, believe it or not I don't really spend a lot of time formulating opinions on things that have absolutely no impact on me I think it's kind of a waste of energy" with that exact fucking wording and it could not have worked better, almost immediately ends the topic, but not before he calls trans people "kinda fruity" and says something about not being "politically correct" like actual fucking elon musk incel right-wing buzzword, this man is like in his fucking 50s. Also in the last 6 months I've switched from responding in the most short, basic way possible to all of my family members' questions to just like, being an asshole lmao, like it feels so good to be in a position where like, they already know I despise all of them, I'm on the verge of moving out of my father's house, after which I will never speak to any of them again, and if I were to get kicked out before then, I'd be perfectly fine I have enough safety nets, they cannot do anything to me so it is just so fun to just rip into them at every opportunity I get. Like if you're gonna say things that you know will set me off at least be prepared to be told to fuck off.
At least it's like, kinda good rage, motivating rage, satisfying rage, instant snapping out of apathy and into mania rage, like at this point it's extremely rare that they actually have any impact on like, my self image or like, esteem or anything like that, my opinion of my family is far too low at this point for anything they say to really get under my skin. Still obnoxious tho, very annoying. Honestly it's kinda just funny more than anything, like they're so predictable, actual fucking caricatures half the time, I've started making a mental bingo game out of it, like which topics are they gonna bring up completely unprompted this time, and which one of them is gonna do it? It makes it kinda fun, plus when I know what they're gonna say I can fuck with them, skirt the line of what I can say without them catching on y'know, it's fun.
I hope my entire family rots, and maybe cute little mushrooms grow on their skeletons and possibly a bit of mold, maybe form a natural little fungus ecosystem around their skeletons. Is that too far? Am I skirting the line of getting banned for that does that count as a death threat? Like does just saying I hope they die count? I mean I didn't include anything about flying hammers so like it's probably fine I guess.
#he legit said the homophobic dog meme word#pure manic rage has become my new favorite emotion!#i'm like Belphemon (Rage Mode) (Awaken) but in real life frfr#going through my sparkle-core adachi-pilled femcel phase rn#vent#going through my producecore foodcel phase rn#there are way too many good gifs i could've used for this i wanted to fit in one of the 50 eggman kicking eggman gifs so much#fuckjng kill and destroy yuo
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I really didn’t know if I morally should assign theme songs to your OC Ilia but I have to:
There’s this song called “Hito Mania” by Sasuke Haraguchi
English cover here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bGc8ZH28WTY
Although the lyrics make little sense, people theorize it’s from a POV of an AI who is making fun of humans. The AI sees humans as fucked up, but still encourages them to keep living because the AI is a “People Mania” (like Ilia) (I think Ilia ends up adopting a more cynical attitude towards humanity, especially after joining the curses)
the instrumentals also have a very non-human vibe to them, making it very fitting for him
Ooooh! I really like that song a lot! (Also for me I don't care if you want to assign my OCs or personas with songs! I like seeing how others interpret my own creations and songs are an easy way to see that, so if you think a song fits and OC or persona, then you can send that in and I will get to it at some point hopefully!).
Also also not gonna do my usual line by line analysis this time because I don't have time or energy to do so.
But anyway! I like that theory about the song being from an AI's perspective a lot! Like a morbidly curious AI who loves watching humans do human shit BECAUSE humans are fucked up.
And honestly, that's basically what Ilia is like. He loves the weird ass humans who are not "conventional" or do crazy shit like extreme sports, but slowly he ends up having a mindset like Mahito where seeing humans pushed to the limit is just fun to watch (you know Ilia has shown all the curses a shit ton of horror movies).
He still loves humanity, but is more in line with Mahito's kind of thinking of changing them. Though he doesn't particularly take pleasure in seeing people in pain like Mahito, he does like the advancements in power and forced evolution that Mahito is making (kinda like how I see Moira and Liv not particularly getting pleasure in causing people unjustified pain, but the two love seeing science and humanity progress even if it causes pain. Which is unlike Mahito and Medusa who DO find pleasure in pain, especially if it also causing an advancement in their research).
The instrumentals of the song is definitely the type of music that I see Ilia listening to (mainly because I like the idea that he and Hanami will listen to experimental/glitch EDM or hyperpop which can sometimes barely sound like actual music and instead sounds like clanging machinery. The kind of music that is the complete opposite you would find in a forest full of nature, but the sounds you would find in an industrial site of a city full of humans and machines).
For some reason, this song made me think of the My Little Pony fansong "Anthropology." Not in the vibe of the song, but in the context is given thanks to your ask. Of an AI obsessed with humanity the same way that Lyra as a pony is obsessed with humans. Ilia is obsessed in the way of not wanting to BE a human (like Lyra or possibly the Eriverse curses would still want), but to be with them either as equals or above them to just sit and watch them do their fucked up little shit (like watching an ant colony work).
But yea, Ilia ends up with a much more cursed mindset than he originally had (especially with Mahito's influence). And this song really just captures both of their mindsets together in my opinion!
Really good song! Definitely gonna listen to it a lot more!
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What are your thoughts on all the discoure aound Sonic fan games (with one game in particulator) the last few days? I think that what started all this discoure was perfectly fine and all of this got very overblown.
I understand why people would be extremely wary of monetized Sonic fangames given how trigger happy other game companies (Nintendo, Square, etc.) can be with fangames. I also sympathize with people who are paranoid about getting a takedown notice on a fangame, because that literally happened to me years ago (although it was neither a Sonic fangame nor one I was making any money off of). Like I can see how people would worry that the whole scene is a house of cards just waiting to crumble if one too many projects pisses off Sega
I also think it's EXTREMELY cool of Sega (or at least, their community management team) to actively reach out and say "no, fangames are cool, as long as you're not monetizing it you're good." Like, again, no corporation is your friend (lest we forget the NFT shit), but the team at Sega did not have to do this. They didn't have to acknowledge the situation at all, and it's great that they reached out like that to encourage the vibrant fangame scene around Sonic. (And yes, Sonic Mania was made by folks from the fangame scene, but that's different--Christian Whitehead had been doing professional port work for Sega for years before Mania got greenlit. They didn't just decide to reach out to a fangame guy on a whim.)
However I've also seen a little bit of this obnoxious undercurrent of like... people romanticizing making art just as a hobby for no pay? Like saying that all the folks who make Sonic fangames for no pay are so morally righteous for just being driven by "passion" and "their love of Sonic" and not asking for money. And I think that fucking sucks! Artists deserve to be paid for their work. Artists have groceries to buy and bills to pay. Game development takes an ABSURD amount of work. There's nothing inherently better from a moral standpoint about making art for free, and SO many young people in creative industries end up getting exploited by higher ups who romanticize "passion." You can love what you do and pour your heart and soul into it and still treat it as a 9 to 5 job. These aren't mutually exclusive
The problem is just that we're talking about fangames based on big IPs, which are in a precarious legal situation. It's a bad idea to monetize your Sonic fangame not for any moral reason but specifically because you could get a cease and desist over it. But I think in a perfect world there WOULD be a way to make money doing that kind of thing! Not even necessarily selling them, but at least through things like Patreon. Think of all the cool looking Sonic fangames that have never made it past the prototype stage just because the devs didn't have the time or energy to make a whole game in their spare time. (And I mean look at Touhou and its smorgasbord of highly polished commercial fangames. Luna Nights whips ass.)
I dunno. It's a complicated situation. Basically: don't monetize your fangames because it's just asking for trouble, but also don't act all holier-than-thou about the act of making art for no pay. It's not about that, it's about not playing a game of Russian Roulette where the bullets are replaced with stern emails from a Sega lawyer
Tangentially, I'm also a big proponent of taking the things you like most about a franchise and, you know. Just making your own thing. It's a lot of fun to work with characters and worlds and stories that you already know and love, but it's also a lot of fun to take the core essentials you like about a thing and reverse engineer it into its own new thing that's distinctly yours
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Hey. Can you please try to explain what is bipolar disorder? After reading some medical articals about it i still don't understand
Basically, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that causes people to cycle between very high highs and very low lows, without a whole lot of time in between. It’s a disorder that impacts absolutely every aspect of a person’s life if they have it, and untreated bipolar disorder can be a very unpleasant and scary thing to go through.
Everyone has ups and downs when it comes to their mood, but people with bipolar disorder experience a very extreme version of this. If a non-bipolar person is in a “blah” mood, they might have low energy, trouble concentrating at work, and be a little short-tempered with the people around them. A person with bipolar disorder who is going through a depressive period, on the other hand, might stay in bed for a week straight, unable to eat or shower, or otherwise be unable to do the things that they normally want to do.
Likewise, when a non-bipolar person is in a good mood, they might be more cheerful than usual and feel like they have a bit more energy for daily tasks. A person with bipolar disorder, on the other hand, might feel so euphoric that they’ll sometimes act without considering consequences. They might give away treasured possessions, engage in casual sex when that’s not the norm for them, or stay awake for more than 24 hours for no reason. Their behaviour will completely out of character for them, and may greatly concern their loved ones.
People with bipolar disorder also have moods that aren’t really connected to what’s actually going on in your life. If you don’t have bipolar disorder, your moods are probably largely tied to the things that happen to you - if your partner surprises you by cooking you your favourite meal, you’ll feel happy, and if you get laid off from your job, you’ll be sad. You may have the odd day or two where that’s not the case, but it will generally be the way things go down. If you have bipolar disorder, however, your moods and your life events really don’t have much to do with each other. Mood episodes just kind of happen to you, and having good or bad things happen to you don’t really have any impact on you. Your best friends could all get together to throw you the most amazing birthday party in the entire world and you’ll still stay in a super-depressed state, or you could lose your job and have your cat die and still remain euphoric and on top of the world. Your moods become a roller coaster that you can’t steer, and without treatment, you can’t get off the ride.
People with bipolar disorder experience their moods in “episodes” that may last weeks, days or hours, depending on the type of bipolar disorder they have. There are three kinds of “episodes” that a person with bipolar disorder may experience:
Depression. Fairly straightforward - this is a period of low mood, low energy and low motivation. You might feel like everything is hopeless and have no interest in things that are normally important to you. You might also experience crying, vague feelings of guilt or shame, overeating, loss of appetite, excessive sleep, insomnia, irritability, restlessness or suicidal thoughts.
Mania. This is a state of such intense euphoria and energy that you may be unable to function. You will likely speak very quickly, struggle to stick to one topic of conversation, and find it hard to stay still. You may find yourself doing irrational, high-risk things that you’d never do ordinarily - racking up charges on your credit card, trying substances you wouldn’t normally try, even committing petty crimes in some cases, etc. In some people, manic episodes will cause psychosis. People having manic episodes may have delusions, like believing that God is speaking to them or that they are immortal.
Hypomania. This is a period of elevated mood that doesn’t quite meet the criteria for mania. You don’t experience psychosis and you may retain the ability to function normally and keep attending work or school. However, you are still not yourself, and in your elated mood, it’s possible likely that you will act without giving much thought to the consequences - you may overspend, make an inappropriate comment to a coworker or make impulsive decisions you might not normally make.
What kinds of episodes you have and how long they last depend on the type of bipolar disorder that you have. There are three different varieties:
Bipolar I. This type of bipolar disorder involves full-blown manic episodes that can last for a week or more - not every “high mood” episode will reach the point of full mania, but there’s a history of it happening. The mania can be so severe that the person requires hospitalization, as their actions while manic can make them a danger to themselves and others in some situations. It will be very, very obvious that something is wrong when the person is manic, even to people with no knowledge of bipolar disorder. Their depressive episodes don’t tend to reach “full-blown depression”; when their moods are low they will feel kind of crappy and low energy, but they don’t tend to reach the same depths of depression as Bipolar II.
Bipolar II. People with this kind of bipolar disorder do not experience manic episodes - they only experience hypomania. Their depressive episodes, on the other hand, are long and very intense. They often experience depression that is more severe than what you’d see in “regular”, non-bipolar depression. It won’t necessarily be obvious that a person with Bipolar II is actually bipolar - they are often mistaken for having regular depression, as their hypomanic episodes are seen as them “having a good week” or “getting over the depression”. As a result, it can take a very long time to get properly diagnosed and treated.
Cyclothymia. This is a disorder where people cycle quickly between high and low moods - their mood swings are less severe, in that they don’t meet the criteria for hypomania or depression, but they still disrupt the person’s life. The mood cycling tends to be more rapid than other kinds of bipolar disorder - each episode usually lasts only a few days or hours.
Why do people get bipolar disorder? We have no idea. We don’t understand how it works, or why treatments for it are effective. The exact brain mechanisms at play are still a mystery. We do know that it runs in families and that there appears to be a strong genetic component to it - although the disorder isn’t entirely genetic. If your identical twin has bipolar disorder, you have around a 40% chance of getting it yourself. If your fraternal twin has bipolar disorder, your odds drop to 5% - which is still a lot higher than average, as only around 1% of the population is bipolar. The disorder affects males and females roughly equally, and it tends to come on in your mid-twenties - the average age to develop bipolar disorder is 25, which is typically when other serious mental illnesses emerge.
As far as treatments go, there’s really only one thing that works consistently - medication. Lifestyle adjustments are also hugely important for managing bipolar disorder, but they are not enough on their own; most people need medication to control their symptoms, typically for the rest of their lives. Typically, you would be on a mood stabilizer like Lithium, and if you experience mania, it’s likely that you may also be on an antipsychotic.
The most challenging part of managing bipolar disorder is making sure that the person with bipolar disorder is consistent in taking their medication and managing their lifestyle. This is a huge struggle - more than 75% of bipolar patients do not take their medication consistently. The medications that are used to treat the disorder can unfortunately come with unpleasant side effects, and as with every type of disorder, it’s very easy to reach a point where people think “I feel fine now, I don’t need these anymore” and simply stop taking them. Bipolar disorder is a disorder with low insight, which means that people who have it often don’t recognize that they are sick, even when they have symptoms - when a person goes off their medication, they often won’t noticed that their symptoms have returned, even if it is seriously impacting their life, and once you are fully manic or depressed, getting back on a regular medication regimen can be extremely challenging.
The lifestyle component of managing bipolar disorder can also be difficult to stick to. Even with medication, you can experience symptom flare-ups if you don’t make some serious lifestyle changes, and those lifestyle changes are not fun for most people. To keep symptoms in check, you generally need to live a very healthy and regimented life, with a strict routine, consistent bedtimes and mealtimes, no oversleeping, lots of healthy foods, daily exercise, no alcohol, and healthy stress-relief routines like yoga and meditation. If you’re a free-spirited 20-something who was used to going out with your friends until 3am and eating random junk throughout the day in place of solid meals, it can be hard to accept that you need to be in bed by 10pm every night so you can get up early to eat a balanced breakfast.
Bipolar disorder can be managed, however, and many people who have it do eventually find ways to control their symptoms and lead full, healthy lives. If you suspect that you may have bipolar disorder, it’s important that you speak to a medical professional right away for a proper assessment and diagnosis.
Hope this answers your question!
MM
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Maybe I'm thinking too much about the Persona games today, but are there any characters that you would pair any tarot arcana with?
What a fun question! I think that tarot cards have like, the coolest aesthetic ever. Unfortunately, I don’t know much about tarot arcana, so I went on a deep dive into Wikipedia to try to understand it. I’ll apologize in advance that A. E. Waith’s definitions for these cards feel very heteronormative. I’m working with the traditional definitions, but I try to make them work for a modern story.
Here are the character-card combinations I came up with:
0 – The Fool: Folly, mania, extravagance, intoxication, delirium, frenzy, bewrayment. [If the card is] Reversed: Negligence, absence, distribution, carelessness, apathy, nullity, vanity.
Joe Tazuna
Joe Tazuna is our gaudy, “extravagant” fool! The fool represents the “everyman,” and is often the “protagonist of the story” in Major Arcana. Joe, who is good-natured and clumsy, has the type of personality you’d expect to see in a story’s protagonist. Ironically, he is one of the first to die. His “absence” is deeply felt by our real protagonist, Sara, who must go on the “Fool’s Journey” “through the great mysteries of life and the main human archetypes” without him.
1 – The Magician: Skill, diplomacy, address, subtlety, pain, loss, disaster, snares of enemies; self-confidence, will; [it signifies] the Querent, if male. Reversed: Physician, mental disease, disgrace, disquiet.
Reko Yabusame
Reko is our “skilled,” “confident,” strong-willed musician magician! (And she often uses masculine pronouns, so why not give her a masculine card?) Reko has also suffered through “pain, loss, and disaster,” which has shaped her current mature, kind personality. And in the past, she was a “disgraced” rebellious rock star who burned through bands.
2 – The High Priestess: Secrets, mystery, the future as yet unrevealed; the woman who interests the Querent, if male; the Querent herself, if female; silence, tenacity; mystery, wisdom, science. Reversed: Passion, moral or physical ardor, conceit, surface knowledge.
Tia Safalin and Maple
This card made me think of both villainous ladies. Tia Safalin has knowledge of science, while Maple seems to also have mysterious wisdom about human nature and the future.
3 – The Empress: Fruitfulness, action, initiative, length of days; the unknown, clandestine; also difficulty, doubt, ignorance. Reversed: Light, truth, the unraveling of involved matters, public rejoicings; according to another reading, vacillation.
Sara Chidouin
The Empress can only be our Sara! The girl who takes “initiative” and becomes the group’s leader! She seeks to bring “light” and “truth” to discussions, and she “unravels mysteries.” And yet, she also suffers from “doubt” in herself, and “ignorance” of her surroundings.
4 – The Emperor: Stability, power, protection, realization; a great person; aid, reason, conviction also authority and will. Reversed: Benevolence, compassion, credit; also confusion to enemies, obstruction, immaturity.
Mr. Chidouin
We don’t know much about Mr. Chidouin, and I do not trust him one bit. However, he seemed to be a suitable companion to his “Empress” daughter. Kai Satou certainly thought he was “a great” and “benevolent” person, though he has an “immature” way of speaking.
5 – The Hierophant: Marriage, alliance, captivity, servitude; by another account, mercy, and goodness; inspiration; the man to whom the Querent has recourse. Reversed: Society, good understanding, concord, over kindness, weakness.
Kai Satou
The words “servitude” and “captivity” suit our homemaker Kai, who always lived in service to others—either Asu-Naro or the Chidouins. Kai is a “good” man, but he is also shown to be one of the “weakest” participants since he dies early on.
6 – The Lovers: Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome. Reversed: Failure, foolish designs. Another account speaks of marriage frustrated and contrarieties of all kinds.
Nao Egokoro
I know that Nao’s story doesn’t have much romance in it, but I liked the duality of “trials overcome” combined with “failure” and “foolish designs” for our poor, brave Nao. She is a girl who grew a lot, and her heart was overflowing with love for her new friends, but in the end she was doomed to failure with the Sacrifice Card.
7 – The Chariot: Succour, providence; also war, triumph, presumption, vengeance, trouble. Reversed: Riot, quarrel, dispute, litigation, defeat.
Alice Yabusame
So many aggressive words in that description made me think of our “Murderer,” Alice! Alice was “triumphant” in his last fight with Original Sou, but he can be “defeated” by Rio Ranger.
8 or 11 – Justice: Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the deserving side in law. Reversed: Law in all its departments, legal complications, bigotry, bias, excessive severity.
Keiji
Of course I had to give “Justice” to everyone’s favorite self-proclaimed policeman, Keiji! Keiji lays down the law in our group, and don’t we all hope he’ll favor the “deserving side” instead of showing “excessive severity.”
9 – The Hermit: Prudence, circumspection; also and especially treason, dissimulation, roguery, corruption. Reversed: Concealment, disguise, policy fear, unreasoned caution.
Rio Ranger
“The Hermit” feels like a strange card to give to our childish doll villain, but I liked the descriptive words associated with “corruption” and “policy fear.” Rio Ranger commits “treason” by directly killing a participant, and he also “conceals and disguises” himself with masks and other people’s clothes.
10 – Wheel of Fortune: Destiny, fortune, success, elevation, luck, felicity. Reversed: Increase, abundance, superfluity.
Sue Miley
Sue Miley is the villain who introduces us to our destiny with the Practice Vote and the First Main Game. She sadistically wishes everyone “luck.”
8 or 11 – Strength: Power, energy, action, courage, magnanimity; also complete success and honours. Reversed: Despotism, abuse of power, weakness, discord, sometimes even disgrace.
Q-Taro
Q-Taro suits “strength” perfectly! His character arc is all about learning what true strength is. He begins the game from a place of cowardice and selfishness, but he becomes courageous and honorable.
12 – The Hanged Man: Wisdom, circumspection, discernment, trials, sacrifice, intuition, divination, prophecy. Reversed: Selfishness, the crowd, body politic.
Shin Tsukimi
How could my favorite doomed antagonist have any other card but “The Hanged Man”? Shin is cursed from the beginning of the game with a “prophecy” that he will die. He relies on “intuition” more often than logic and he can be very “selfish,” but he is also “wise” enough to want to protect the most vulnerable among them, leading to his “sacrifice.”
13 – Death: End, mortality, destruction, corruption; also, for a man, the loss of a benefactor; for a woman, many contrarieties; for a maid, failure of marriage projects. Reversed: Inertia, sleep, lethargy, petrifaction, somnambulism; hope destroyed.
Ranmaru Kageyama
I liked the card “death” for our main dummy Ranmaru, who has died and transformed. The words associated with “sleep” and “lethargy” also reminded me of his final moments, where he commented that death felt like going to sleep.
14 – Temperance: Economy, moderation, frugality, management, accommodation. Reversed: Things connected with churches, religions, sects, the priesthood, sometimes even the priest who will marry Querent; also disunion, unfortunate combinations, competing interests.
Kazumi Mishima
“Temperance” sounded like a good card for a wise character who lives in “moderation.” Mishima was cursed with an “unfortunate combination” of votes in the Practice Vote.
15 – The Devil: Ravage, violence, vehemence, extraordinary efforts, force, fatality; that which is predestined but is not for this reason evil. Reversed: Evil fatality, weakness, pettiness, blindness.
Original Sou Hiyori
“The Devil” is the most perfect card for my favorite villain! He is “violent” and goes to “extraordinary efforts” to manipulate the participants, but he has also suffered a “fatality.” I thought the phrase “predestined but is not for this reason evil” was especially intriguing for Original Sou, since I often wonder how much free will he could exercise within Asu-Naro.
16 – The Tower: Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin. It is a card in particular of unforeseen catastrophe. Reversed: Negligence, absence, distribution, carelessness, apathy, nullity, vanity.
Gashu Satou
Gashu brings a terrible “unforeseen catastrophe” in the Second Main Game, when he would rather kill himself then give our characters a chance to escape! He is undoubtedly the best character for “The Tower.”
17 – The Star: Loss, theft, privation, abandonment; another reading says--hope bright prospects, Reversed: Arrogance, haughtiness, impotence.
Kanna Kizuchi
Kanna has suffered “loss” and she may be “abandoned” by the people she loves. However, her survival also brings “hope” and “bright prospects” in spite of the Death Game’s cruelty.
18 – The Moon: Hidden enemies, danger, calumny, darkness, terror, deception, occult forces, error. Reversed: Instability, inconstancy, silence, lesser degrees of deception and error.
The Dummies
The words related to “hidden enemies” in the “darkness” reminded me of our dummies, who are tasked with killing the human participants.
19 – The Sun: This card is generally considered positive. It is said to reflect happiness and contentment, vitality, self-confidence and success. Sometimes referred to as the best card in Tarot, it represents good things and positive outcomes to current struggles.
Gin Ibushi
Gin Ibushi is a light in our lives who brings Sara emotional comfort! In spite of having no tokens to defend himself in trades, nobody sent him the Sacrifice Card, which is a wonderful thing.
20 – Judgment: Judgement, Rebirth, Inner-calling, Absolution, Karma, Causality, Second chance
The Man from the Memorandum
The Man from the Memorandum, the winner of the Previous Death Game, seems to be the Mastermind of a new Death Game and is calling for a “second chance” for the High School Girl to survive. He pronounces judgment on every victim.
(It’s entirely possible that the Man from the Memorandum is Mr. Chidouin himself, which would make my distinguishing between them silly in hindsight! For now, I’ll assume they’re different people.)
21 – The World: Assured success, recompense, voyage, route, emigration, flight, change of place. Reversed: Inertia, fixity, stagnation, permanence.
The 17-Year-Old School Girl
Is 15.5% enough to “assure the success” of the High School Girl? Is that enough to “change her place” from dying in the First Death Game? Or will she be “permanently” dead? The entire “world” of the Death Game seems to hinge on this critical role!
#yttd#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#your turn to die spoilers#asks#meta#mine#tarot#I can't believe I matched a character to every single card#like my god...look at what a nerd I am hahaha
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Radiohead Retrospective Part 6: I try to sing along but I get it all wrong (‘CAUSE I’M NOT)
I don’t have as much to say about the lead-in to Hail to the Thief, much like I didn’t have much to say about that for Amnesiac. There isn’t as earth-shattering a shift as Kid A, and there isn’t a big story like with The Bends or OK Computer.
Hail to the Thief was (probably) the first batch of music Radiohead recorded after the sessions that produced Kid A/Amnesiac, meaning they had the full breadth of that experience to work with. What we received as a result was somewhat of a fusion of the electronic/jazz-influences of those albums and the rockier stuff of the band’s past.
Now I’ve heard a fair few complaints that this album is too long. That’s probably fair, it’s their longest album, with a total of 14 tracks, meaning it does kinda drag on a bit. Thom Yorke apparently agrees, seeing as he put out an alternative tracklist in ’08 (link) missing four songs. At the same time, I’m going to pull Death of the Author on this one, because as much as I’ve seen people complain that there’s too many songs on this, nobody ever seems to get along with which ones they’d cut- let alone people wanting to pull B-sides in the mix.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves there, aren’t we? Suppose I should just talk about the fucking album.
We begin this record, like all Radiohead records, with studio chatter. Wait, what the fuck? Yeah, it’s quiet but it’s there. Why not, right?
2+2=5 is a lovely little banger to open on. Unquestionably a rock song, it features a very slow and quiet (and heavily panned) first half before just fucking exploding in the latter half. It genuinely might be the most aggressive track the band has put out, a manic cascade of energy and breathy falsetto that’s genuinely headbangable. It’s also a fun thing to try and read the lyrics for, since the booklet the album comes with gives up for this bit and just goes “eezeepeezee NOT” or something along that line.
Oh yeah, that’s actually something worth bringing up. Neither Kid A nor Amnesiac had lyric booklets, deliberately obscuring the actual words to the songs, to the point where people had pretty wide interpretations of what they actually were. Considering the incompleteness of 2+2=5’s entry in it’s booklet, perhaps similar occurred with that. I’m still unsure if the subtitle of this post is actually the real lyrics.
Most people, I think, read the name of this track and just kind of assume it’s about 1984, the book boomers bring up whenever their freedumbs are impinged upon. And it’s not not about 1984, but there are extremely specific political references as well- Hail to the Thief, title of the album and line in the track, is a quote regarding the U.S. President of the time, George W Bush, who lost the popular vote but won the electoral college- something that sounds awfully familiar to those of us living in 2021. “January has April Showers” similarly refers to the unseasonable weather of Bush’s inauguration.
The last thing I’d like to bring up before we finally move onto the second track is that every single song in this album has a subtitle- for 2+2=5, it’s (The Lukewarm). According to Yorke, it’s a reference to Dante’s Inferno- the Lukewarm being the people around the edge of hell, damned due to their passive indifference- the kind of people the song’s lyric, “you have not been paying attention”, is referring to. I’m literally learning these meanings now, so we’ll see how many are worth bringing up.
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Perhaps fortunately for my word count, Sit Down. Stand Up (yes the full stop/period is part of the title) (that’s not the subtitle) doesn’t have quite as much going on. Though it does have a video, for some reason. It’s a sort of repetitive trance of lyrics set to an electronic percussion, distant piano, and….I don’t know what other instrument is making those light dings. A xylophone? Interestingly, much like 2+2=5, it’s one that builds slowly into a chaotic finish, the raving of that track reflected in the almost cold mania of the raindrops the raindrops the raindrops the raindrops the raindrops……. It’s a decent enough song, but I legitimately cannot imagine listening to it ever outside the context of this album. Which is weird, because I definitely remember doing so when I was younger.
Track 3 is Sail To The Moon, a lullaby or ballad or sorts, a calm after the storm that is the previous track. Quite literally, considering it’s repeated lyric. And also literally, in that it was actually written for Thom’s son at the time. The subtitle, (Brush the Cobwebs Out of the Sky) evokes a very literal interpretation of the song’s title, which doesn’t actually reflect the lyrics.
Sail To The Moon is, as any good lullaby should be, utterly soothing. It’s calm, with Thom’s vocals just drifting across the piano, loose guitar, and percussion like a low tide. This is one of those songs I’ve come around to much more with time, because I distinctly remember skipping this a lot. You’ll find I’ve listened to this album a fair few times, though the section between 2+2=5 and Go To Sleep is one I skipped a fair bit, I think.
Backdrifts is a heavily electronic song that apparently in part predates Kid A and Amnesiac, which is kind of interesting- we’ll see a bit more of that later. As a track, it’s kind of spacy- the synth instrumental feels like something out of an eerie sci-fi film, if you notched the tempo up a bit.
Backdrifts is also the first song where I can see the “too long” argument come in. Not for the album (though I believe it’s one of the ones the alternate tracklist leaves out), but the song itself- I’m not sure this is a song that needs to be the second longest on the album (and only by a second). It’s fine, but considering what it comes off and what follows it, it’s in a bit of an awkward spot.
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Go To Sleep is another one that kinda took me a while to get. I always heard it as being one of the top tracks on the thing, but it never really clicked with me for a while. I suppose I’ve never been massive on purely acoustic-guitar-led affairs? With age, though, I’ve better appreciated the depth the song has. Possibly the folkiest song the band has, it might have taken me getting into R.E.M. to recognize what the song is.
And the song is good!
But unfortunately for Go To Sleep, Where I End and You Begin is my favourite Radiohead track.
Holy shit, this song sounds so fucking sick. That percussion, that bassline, those fucking Ondes Martenot babyyyy. The song is spacey and ethereal, but tied down by the more traditional elements of the instrumentation. The fantastical lyricism tying into very real themes of personal boundaries, how they define how people interact, and how when they fail, things tend to go badly- “There’ll be no more lies, I will eat you alive”. It’s just an absolute fucking track.
I don’t think I can possibly explain why I like this song so much. Opinions and favourites are kind of like that. But it just speaks to me. The hyper-fuzzed out guitar soloing in the bridge, the loneliness of the second verse, it’s just incredible.
Also it possibly references Optimistic with the lyrics which is cool! I also like that song a lot.
The subtitle, (The Sky Is Falling In), is something I’ve not been able to find a reference for regarding it’s meaning, but since I like the song so much, I’m going to do some interpreting. If we assume the song is about boundaries in a relationship, it’s clear that the final lyrics are the utter devastation after those boundaries are breached. But “The Sky Is Falling In” fits better with the third verse, what with the house falling into the sea- the tipping point has broken, the household (or, the house) is in freefall, the sky is falling with it. But that’s just my opinion, man.
Still with me? We’re not even halfway.
We Suck Young Blood can best be described as off-kilter, perhaps even deliberately out of tempo. A very pointed use of handclaps, typically a part of substantially more energetic tracks than the dirge this song presents. I’m sure this isn’t what the song is about, but at face value the lyrics read like some sort of social service run by vampires- give us your young blood, and we’ll make things better for you. In a way, it’s kind of fun, silly even. I suppose the claps help with that. The track is otherwise just, melancholic- slow, piano-y, even the sudden pickup barely lasts- though I always forget it’s there, making it kind of a surprise every time. Like, oh shit, we’re going somewhere for a bit, I need to put my seatbelt back on- ah never mind it’s over (and then the song keeps going for a while).
We come now to The Gloaming, the song that was originally going to be the title track for the album. They changed it, apparently, because it got rejected- too gloomy, apparently. According to Wikipedia, a fair few of the subtitles from the album’s tracks also came from proposed names for the album proper.
The song itself is also pretty gloomy, as it happens. Apparently, it’s literally about the rise of fascism, so fair enough. An electronic track, with many a repetition, feeling uneasy and cold the whole way through (making the subtitle, Softly Open our Mouths in the Cold, pretty apt). It feels almost minimalistic at times, without especially many lines running through it- and without a big crescendo like many to most of these songs have, it feels somewhat lifeless- a deliberate choice, no doubt.
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Oh shit, are we up to There There? We are! God this song fucks. Those opening drums are iconic, not to mention the way it layers onto itself. And the video! Eerie horror at its finest.
Like, I know Where I End and You Begin is my favourite song on this album unquestionably. But there is no doubt in my mind that There There is the best song on the album.
Good enough that I don’t have anything really interesting to say about it? Like many songs on this album, it’s got a big old crescendo, but the build is just so smooth, and the climax is just such a swelling. “We are accidents waiting to happen” is such a powerful lyric, and it’s hardly the only one on the song. A comment I’ve seen about the song describes the guitar as akin to laughter, a mood I can definitely see in the track itself.
Anyway the song ended so I guess I gotta move on.
I Will is kind of an interesting case. It’s unquestionably one of the most emotional songs on the album, considering it was written about a U.S. bombing of a shelter that wiped out 408 innocent people, and that’s fucking horrifying (S.O.P. for the Army it seems). It’s short, and…well it’s not sweet, but it is tragic and haunting.
It’s also a song that went through variation on variation before finally appearing on this album. Early live performances date to 5 whole years before Hail to the Thief, and considering the bombing was in 1991, it was probably written well before then. Versions of this track are kind of everywhere as a result- one early version was eventually chopped up and reproduced into Like Spinning Plates on Amnesiac- reconstructions of the process are available on citizeninsane.eu- or they were, at least, because apparently that site’s embeds relied on Flash.
I do particularly want to highlight the Los Angeles version of the song, which was a b-side on 2+2=5 (and also was on the Com Lag EP), because it’s a fuller version of the track- not necessarily better, but the full band is involved, making it a much different experience.
Track 11, A Punchup At A Wedding, has become somewhat of a meme on the Radiohead subreddit. Mostly it’s a result of the opening lyric, literally “No” 42 times over. The subtitle, for reference, is also all “No”s. On a similarly lighter note, the track is apparently a result of the band stumbling upon just a needlessly scathing review of one of their live shows, making it one of the few Radiohead tracks I could confidently say is about one person in particular. With all the second person, the lyrics probably wouldn’t be out of place on an early Linkin Park track (whether that’s an insult or not, I’ll leave as an exercise to the reader).
The slow, almost marchlike rhythm of the song well suits the tone of the lyrics, and to be clear, the tone is pretty much “Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?” and the emotions that come with being torn down by someone who doesn’t know you or really recognise what they’re doing. I suppose it’s refreshing for the metaphor to be this obvious for once. It’s a pretty decent song, piano-driven like many a song on the album, which means theoretically if I ever relearn the instrument I could play it. Maybe.
Myxomatosis, while a pretty fucked up disease, is an absolutely excellent song. If 2+2=5 is the heaviest rock song on the album, Myxomatosis is the heaviest electronic song on it. The lyricism is incredibly dark, unsettling and violent, suiting the harsh buzzing synth line. They say fuck in this one! And the way the entire song save percussion drops for the key line (I don’t know why I feel so tongue-tied/skinned alive) is so excellent. Interestingly, said line also appears word-for-word in Cuttooth, a B-side from Amnesiac, though the mood is profoundly different.
I suspect the song being named Myxomatosis and being pretty clearly about public perception and fame should give you a hint as to how the band views the media and the world of the rich and famous- the subtitle, (Judge, Jury, & Executioner), certainly adds to that. Thom sounds a mix of hesitant, confused, disgusted, and frustrated on the track, and it works incredibly well.
We’re finally on to the penultimate track, Scatterbrain. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t know what this one’s about. I’m out of patience to figure out what Genius is going on about, though it’s fairly incomplete for this track anyway. It’s relatively simple, for a Radiohead track, and pretty enough, but I can see why people don’t tend to like this one as much. I distinctly remember it being bottom of the list or close to it on a subreddit poll at some point (might have been above We Suck Young Blood, which I don’t agree with).
Scatterbrain kind of just has the problem of being a pretty decent album track, right between two of my favourite songs on the album. Which is awkward as always.
Our final song is A Wolf at the Door, and talk about a closer. Thom has described it as like waking up from a nightmare and finding out reality is worse, which is both relatable and upsetting. The song is grim, with confusing imagery in the verses leading to a desperately emotional chorus about someone’s children being fucking ransomed. Also, a bridge with more Nos than A Punchup at a Wedding, where are your No (x105) memes Reddit, get it fucking together!
The lyrics of the verses in A Wolf at the Door have a swaying flow to them that’s almost rap-like, especially since the falsetto that Thom usually sings in around this time is completely absent from them. This makes it one of the few rap-ish songs I’ve actually tried to perform, and I’d probably be pretty okay if I didn’t keep forgetting bits.
The song is just, frustration (verse 1), desperation (chorus), anger/frustration (verse 2), and back to desperation (chorus) again, which doesn’t quite fit the stages of grief cleanly, but that’s probably fine. The final vocalisation of the song (and thereby the album) feels almost like a sorrowful howl, which makes less sense the more I think about the imagery and intent of the lyrics, so maybe just ignore that actually. There is just so much imagery packed into this track, especially in the second verse, that listing it out is pointless- but it all just clicks so well, into this deluge of frustration and madness carried along by that instrumental that just seems to get lower and lower forever.
Anyway that’s the whole album, isn’t it? I’m going to keep this outro brief, because we’re approaching 3000 words at this point, but I think that fact says it all. There’s a lot of Hail to the Thief, but it never really misses per se. It has less great songs, but no bad ones. I’d argue my own biases probably cloud my judgement, but even if some of the tracks are more forgettable, the highs are so high for me that it easily stands among the band’s best.
Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with me. But that’s fine, this is my opinion, the rest of the world is allowed to be wrong.
A lot of things would happen between Hail to the Thief’s release in 2003 and the followup, In Rainbows, in 2007. But that’s ultimately a story for another day. A week from today, to be precise.
See you then?
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1013
surveys by -thoughtlessdork
Have you ever had the chicken pox?
No. I’m constantly in a place of waiting for it to pass by, because everyone tells me all people are bound to have it at one point in their lives (idk how true that is, though). I am also told it gets a lot suckier as one gets older, so...not too thrilled about it at all.
how often do you do laundry?
I don’t handle that chore myself, but it’s done 1–2 times a week in our house.
Have you ever been evicted?
Nopes.
would you grow your own garden?
I don’t see that happening. I’m a magnet for killing plants.
do you know anyone who snores?
I do.
Trigger warning kinda, by the end.
what is your favorite font?
Proxima Nova. It’s the default font that my org used for all documents and works-in-progress, and it ended up becoming my actual real-life favorite. I’ve always picked out that font even outside of org matters.
do you know what a wombat is?
Sure.
would you make a good movie critic?
Not at all. I don’t know enough about different filmmaking elements to make a reliable critic. I’ve criticized things like acting, plots, and dialogues in the past, of course; but there’s still so many things that go into films that aren’t overtly projected like lighting, symbolism, hidden meanings, etc. I don’t have a very good nose for those.
what goal are you aiming for this year?
In the last 8 weeks of the year? Hmm...avoiding corona would be at the top of that list, lmao.
are you currently reading any books at the moment?
No. I’ve stopped opening the book I used to constantly mention on here.
when i say foxy lady what comes to mind?
Beyoncé’s character in the Austin Powers movie she was in lol; her name was Foxxy.
would you have liked to have lived during the Victorian times?
Wasn’t this era like a golden age of sorts for the UK? I’d love to visit for that purpose; but given the still-horrible hygiene and living conditions for most people of the time, I wouldn’t choose to live there.
would you own a Siamese cat?
No.
have you ever had an ultimate adrenaline rush?
I don’t think so. I’ve had bursts of energy in the past, but I wouldn’t call any of them an ultimate adrenaline rush.
do you like deviled eggs?
I’ve never had them; it’s not a common dish here. But they always look so good in the American shows I watch??? I really hope they taste as good as they look.
what tends to upset you?
Hearing anything about animal abuse.
what's the farthest you've walked?
I can’t give you a distance, but my parents opted for us to walk the whole time we were in Bali (except if we had a tour day which included transportation). Walking in an unfamiliar - and very humid - country and not knowing where anything is (this was before food and travel apps got as detailed as they are today) and ending up walking long stretches because you can’t locate any good local spots is a very easy way to run out of patience, apparently.
what is your favorite horror movie?
Carrie was pretty fun.
what does your favorite shirt look like?
It’s a twist on the Chicago flag, made black and red and with a raised fist in the middle. At the back it says “CM Punk: Best in the World.” Been my favorite and most overused shirt for the past 9 years. My friends tease me about it sometimes, but I don’t care lol, the shirt is very significant to me.
is your life like a daily routine?
It is, but I prefer that it is. I like when things are in my control and, for the most part, predictable. I enjoy spontaneity in short bursts.
were you ever told as a child if you eat carrots you'll have pretty eyes?
So many times.
what career are you most interested in?
Communications and media, so it’s great that I’m headed there so far.
have you ever seen a rooster?
Sure.
what time do you usually wake up?
I wake up wake up by 7:30 or 8 AM, but I usually also wake up for a bit any time between 4–6 AM. Sometimes I choose to stay up from then, and sometimes I’d want to go back to sleep.
what do you think about religion?
It’s good when people use it for good, or if it has helped save a person’s life. In my own personal experience, though, it’s beenhard to find Christians who aren’t hypocritical. So even though I see religion’s potential, I don’t have a lot of trust in believers themselves.
what made you feel most accomplished in your life so far?
Graduating college.
have you ever seen a lunar eclipse?
I saw the super blue blood moon two years ago, which according to a quick Google search is a lunar eclipse! So yeah, I’ve seen one.
what are you allergic to?
No allergies.
do you ever feel like people hold things you do or say against you?
Only my mom does this.
what can't you afford but wish you could?
Front-row Wrestlemania tickets. My childhood (and now adulthood) dream is to go to Mania 50 which is only 14 years from now, but at least I still have more than enough time to save up for it.
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what is one word that sums up this year so far?
Revelatory.
ever felt like you were putting your life in danger?
[trigger warning] Yes, it’s called suicidal tendencies.
what do you like with your eggs?
If scrambled, with cheese. If omelette...stuff that crap up with everything lol. Tomatoes, bell peppers, mushrooms, cheese, ham, bacon, and onions are all good in my book.
what remedy do you partake when experiencing the common cold?
The good ol’ wait-for-it-to-go-away life hack.
would you ever spend a weekend in the mountains in a log cabin?
That sounds amazing. I sure would.
have you ever been called a psycho?
No.
have you ever taken martial arts? would you?
No but I was always a little envious of my cousin who was taken to taekwondo class every weekend when we were kids. Sure, I’d take classes if I had the chance.
who is someone you look up to?
Nacho, but he’s gone now.
is there something you're anxious about?
I have work jitters for tomorrow, but they’re manageable for now. Otherwise I’m feeling pretty good.
what is the longest you've gone without sleep?
A little above 24.
what is the longest you've been on the phone?
This makes me cringe now, but it was like 8 hours long or something like that. It was still the ~honeymoon phase of that relationship and we were still clingy. We never did it again after that.
do you care about calories?
No.
do you know someone with a really annoying laugh?
Nah, can’t think of anyone.
what band do you mostly always listen to no matter what mood?
Paramore.
have you ever been to Indianapolis?
Nope.
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what type of bread do you like to eat?
I eat white bread all the time, but my favorite kind is brioche.
do you have any great great grandparents still living?
Two greats is a bit too much don’t you think? Lmao. Anyway, my last great-grandparent died in 2010. I never knew my dad’s grandparents, and my great-grandfather on my mom’s side had died all the way back in the 70s.
what is one country that you really want to visit someday?
India.
who usually cooks or what do you usually crave the most?
Those are two different questions haha. My parents take turn cooking; and as for my craving, I find myself seeking sushi most of the time.
ever been associated in a program that was a complete waste of time?
Yep, like that one time I had to attend this 5-hour mandatory program/seminar before my driver’s license could be issued to me; it taught me nothing I didn’t already know about driving, and it used driving tutorials that I’m pretty sure were recorded in the 90s. This seminar took place in 2016.
do weird numbers call your phone?
Not regularly. Occasionally an unknown number will come in, but I reject all those.
where are you right now?
Sitting up on my bed.
do you tend to care about other people's feelings more than your own?
Yes. I really shouldn’t.
what type of lifestyle do you want to obtain? if you haven't obtained it
[trigger warning] I haven’t even figured out yet if I love life enough to want to stay in it. A type of lifestyle isn’t much of a priority for now.
what was something that use to frighten you as a child?
Getting lost at the mall.
have you ever been on a train?
Just once.
who's been in your life the longest? did you expect this person to still be
around?
Apart from family, Angela. Yes, she’s here for the long haul.
how do you feel about anatomy?
Fascinating. I’d take a class on it.
Insert interesting fact here:
Read this on Reddit a few days ago, so I’ll just copy-paste the whole thing: “When Jadwiga, the King of Poland (medieval Poland referred to every ruler as King regardless of gender), was considering a marriage proposal from the Grand Duke of Lithuania, a chief concern among her court was that said Duke was rumored to have massive genitals to the point that they would kill his wife on their wedding night. Two of her councilors volunteered to travel to Lithuania to try and discover the truth of these rumors, which naturally meant they would watch the Duke as he bathed. They returned and happily reported that not only weren’t the Duke’s genitals fatally large, they were in fact a tad smaller than average, so nothing to worry about. Thus Poland and Lithuania were united, and the rest is history.” Got a chuckle out of that one when I read it that I just had to scroll through the entire thread again just to be able to share it here lmao.
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Ghost BC x Bipolar Disorder
disclaimer: everyone with bipolar deals with it differently, has different symptoms, different levels, and different coping mechanisms. im just speaking from experience here cause im just not dealing with it all right now!!! wooohoo!!! ive never talked about this so if you want me to add anyone let me know.
If hearing about mania/manic states and depressive episodes could trigger you or worsen your mental health, please don’t keep reading. all triggers in the tags as usual. also im doing it as You and not I or “their s/o” for nothing but formatting reasons and laziness. questions and concerns may be as usual directed to the confessional (ask box)
Papa II: It’s kind of difficult with him. He understands the episodes, and that sometimes you can just have regular ups and downs, and that it’s not 100% all the time. He gets depression to a certain extent too. those days you don’t want to get out of bed, don’t have the energy to cry, don’t have the energy to blink so you just let your eyes burn. and when youre up, it’s self destruction, intrusive thoughts, the screaming, the energy. Everything just feels like it’s going too fast, whether you know you’re having an episode or not. II is really good at helping you navigate your episodes. He wont push you to calm down, or tell you to “just be happy” when youre up and down. He’s good at helping things feel real. Helping you come down inside enough that you can recognize yourself in the mirror. Whether you don’t believe in medication, or went off it, or it isn’t working for you, he’ll support you no matter what and never think you’re crazy or awful or manipulating him. He knows you cant control it.
Papa III: He tries to understand, he really does, but theres so many hard stigmas about bipolar that are hard to let go. That it’s day to day, or hour to hour moods instead of episodes that can last a few days to a few weeks. He knows it’s not his fault, but seeing you talk faster than your brain can process your words, your bursts of manic energy where you just wanna run and your bad ideas, knowing whats going on in your head, it makes him feel useless knowing theres nothing he can do to help you. All he can try to do is talk you off the ledge when you’re about to do something Not Great, and make sure to keep communication open so that if you feel an episode coming on you can try and find ways to stop it together. when you’re depressed, he tries the classic stuff to make you smile: movies, warm blankets, cuddling, forehead kisses, whatever fluff ive put in these hcs before. but it doesn’t work. it cant possibly work when you can’t stop crying and don’t even want him around. and thats a hard pill to swallow - hard to really understand its not him you don’t want around, it’s just that you don’t want anyone around. His best suggestion is to talk to a therapist because he never wants to give you any bad ideas, or bad coping mechanisms, or say something that could trigger an episode, and it’s hard for him to really understand where those lines are if theyre changing all the time (and they usually are).
Dewdrop: he’ll vibe with you. he doesn’t really understand what you’re going through in any capacity, and why its such a bad thing when you have energy, but whatever you wanna do he’ll do it with you. if you’re manic, he’ll probably try to get on your level - and hear me out, i know this is a dangerous game and AWFUL for someone to do when you’re manic, but listen. If he tries to get on your level when you’re Up, it’s easier for him to understand what you’re thinking. If you tell him something kinda crazy you wanna do when he’s coolin, of course it’s gonna sound crazy and a bad idea and he’ll try and stop you - but that doesn’t get the Crazy out. if he’s up, he can better judge what’s a fun little reckless thing to do vs what’s actually dangerous and what to keep you away from. And he’s good at distracting. Good at steering your constantly crashing train of thought. When you’re in a depressive state, he’ll just lay there with you. he won’t try and talk it out of you, or suggest you do something fun, or tell you how everything's gonna be okay. he doesnt know that for sure and he’s not going to lie to you. but he’s figured out the more still and quiet he is when you’re down like that, the less likely you are to try and kick him out or push him away. The more he rides those waves with you the more he can understand what you’re going through, and learn about what your lines and triggers are.
Swiss: okay i havent talked about this that much on this account (its a big part of my book haha please read it) but Swiss is Smart. like ridiculously book smart, math smart, people smart, street smart. once hes been around you for long enough, he’s sometimes better at noticing the signs of an episode before you do. He’s really perceptive when it comes to the tone of your voice, little ticks, what you’re saying, how you’re dressing. You know he’s paying attention, but he does it in a way that doesn't make you feel like you’re being watched or monitored ever. everyone knows thats fucking annoying and feels invasive as hell. When you’re manic he’s good at helping you get back to a place of center. not calm, or back to normal, but centered. grounded. it’s hard to feel like you even Exist in the same world as other people sometimes and he gets that. definitely watches how much time you spend online, cause that can make the Not Existing feeling a lot worse. When you’re low, he’s good at talking to you. he’ll direct the conversation to and from whatever you’re upset about if anything, in a way that doesn’t feel invasive or like pestering. if you dont wanna talk about whatever's wrong (and lets be honest, sometimes its Nothing) then he’ll get you to talk about something. Anything just to keep you talking. The goal isn’t to make you laugh and smile, maybe its just to make you feel less alone in the world, but if you do laugh and smile that’s just a cherry on top.
- Kat
disclaimer part two: there are no excuses mental illness or otherwise for treating your partner poorly and putting someone who cares about you (anyone, really) through hell just because they’ll take it or because you wont seek help isnt okay.
#ghost#ghost bc#the band ghost#ghost band#papa ii#papa iii#papa emeritus iii#papa emiritus ii#dewdrop#dewdrop ghoul#swiss#swiss army ghoul#swiss ghoul#bipolar#manic#bipolar disorder#mania#depression#manic depression#depressed#mental illness#judith#kat
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Commisserations on life being hard work at the mo but mega congrats on the tale o' Rukia getting to look so cool in so many different fights that she gets a glamorous new job. I just read the last chapter and thoroughly enjoyed it. If you'd enjoy answering questions, what were the bits of Call Me Back you had most fun with? :D
Thank you so much! I am working hard, but at the end of the day, I am done, not lying in bed stressing out about things I can’t control, so I am very slowly starting to feel better.
I always love questions about my fanfic, and this is a great one! It’s very funny, actually, how much I agonize over certain scenes and then afterwards, I’m like, “ah, yes, I loved writing that” and it is a lie. But here are some of my actual favs! (there are so many)
Sometimes I feel like this is a symptom of mania, or something, but I never get tired of writing Rukia/Renji scenes. I love them. I love them bantering. I love them flirting with each other without noticing they’re doing it, especially in front of some poor soul who Does Not Want This. I love them dragging each other. I cannot help it. To this end, my favorite RenRuki scenes in this fic were:
3) The dinner scene. My goal was to capture the energy of that scene in Thor: Ragnorak where Loki and Thor and the Grandmaster are all staring at each other and someone dubbed Kill Bill sirens over it, and in my opinion, I nailed it. It had everything. It had reaction faces. It had flirting. It had secret hand signals. It had Byakuya complaining about people wearing shorts. It had Renji telling a story about a time he set Kyouraku on fire. It was truly peak Polynya.
2) The part where Ohno tries to... what was he even hoping to accomplish? and Rukia trolls the shit out of him, and then Renji shows up looking like a huge himbo with his sleeves rolled up and his guns out and asks him if he knows how to read, I love that part so much.
1) The part at the end where they are eating pickles and talking about their nice life. The theme I wanted to convey with this story is that love isn’t always about grand gestures and being willing to die for someone or taking huge risks, sometimes, it’s about knowing that it’s not a good time to start a relationship and being willing to wait. That sometimes career goals or family drama or getting your own emotional state in good order needs to come first. That you can love someone and support them and make them pickles, because life is long (especially when you’re already a ghost) and kissing is nice, but it’s not the only thing. To be honest, I’m not sure I’ve every actually read a story like this, but it’s the one I wanted to tell, and I felt like this scene really encompassed what I was trying to say.
Other scenes I loved:
Renji forces Byakuya to listen to an Inuzuri story and Byakuya and they both treat this as an act of aggression. I am pretty sure this was the most fun I had writing this thing. I love writing Renji telling shaggy dog stories. I love torturing Byakuya. I loved Byakuya constantly interrupting and ruining Renji’s vibe. I loved writing this part so much, I don’t even care if anyone else liked it.
Byakuya writes a letter to Hisana about Renji. So, as an aside, I wrote nearly all the Hisana flashbacks in, like, an hour, in some sort of fugue state. If they feel a little shoehorned in, that’s why, but I am in love with all of them, and I have no regrets. I have to use a lot of tricks when I am writing Byakuya, because he does not come naturally to me, and one of them is that he has done exactly (1) good thing in his life, and that was falling in love with (1) dying dirtbag, and any other good things he does stem from that. He’s a terrible communicator, even his letters are bad (as is his etiquette column), but he’s trying, and that is so precious to me. A long-running headcanon I have is that Hisana and Renji would have gotten on like a house on fire and I think Byakuya is the only one who knows this, and this information is torturous to him. Hisana was very, very good at figuring out what he meant, and this letter would be absolutely hilarious to her, especially because Hisana would have been able to write a PhD thesis on how Rukia and Renji feel about each other after a single second in their presence.
Some other fun writing memories:
I wrote most of the Rukia - Ikkaku fight while we were coming home from a family trip, so it was composed on the Jersey turnpike, and at some point, “Thunderstruck” came on the radio. This was a Blues Brothers style message from God.
It took me, like two weeks to come up with all those poems, and I very distinctly remember watching my kids play on the playground at the library while I was counting syllables. It was summer and it was hot. I like writing tanka a lot more than haiku, I learned. Also, I use daikon as a metaphor constantly because of the Kenshin OVA Samurai X, which I am never not thinking about (this is also where I got the name for Rukia’s alter ego in Between Tides). Again, terrible at the time, but very happy with the way it came out.
I keep meaning to say this somewhere-- I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m not a HitsuHina shipper-- I like both characters very much and I don’t have anything against it, it just doesn’t do much for me, but the HitsuHina people on Tumblr, are just, like, the nicest? So I follow a few? Anyway, at some point, I saw someone On Here (it might have been @rays-of-fire-and-ice ?) doing an ask meme about Hinamori, and one of the questions was “what would you like to see more of in fanfic?” and they said, “swordfighting, because everyone forgets that she is a perfectly competent swordfighter” and my brain went that is A FACT, and that is why I had Rukia fight her in the all-around (and lose, no less), and that is definitely one of the better fight scenes I have ever written and I’m really proud of it.
Ha ha ha, I think I have written enough, thanks for asking and for all the kind words!
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Quasi-Dead/Quasi-God
Everyone "claims" to be Witchy or an Empath, but a lot or what they say/teach is either benign or overly mysterious for no reason which is basically code switch for, "I have no fuckin idea". As you can see from my blog, I've studied the Left Hand Path extensively, gotten pretty close, if not mastered the Tree of Qlippoth. When you fuck up, this one sucks physically. It creates fear, anxiety, adversity, and basically heckles you when you cant judge the proper use of instinct vs logic.
I've had demons attached to me, I've seen something so physically impossible that all it could be described as is a being that was in constant metamorphosis. It was mania in it's pure form. But I rose, and was ready to throw down with the entity lol. I watch shadows move everywhere, day or night, I hear the whispers of...everything beyond the veil thats beyond the veil. But at this point, you're still half-ignorant so they can't really "touch" you, just speak and do scary shit.
Onward we go to the Tree of Life. Now this is where shit starts to suck. Because unlike the "So Below", where every action is deemed okay if equivalent or sensible, here, neither of those matter. You end up having to be mad at shit, and being able to do nothing about it but walk away. Smile in the face of situations where you'd rather punch someone in the face. Be responsible in times you want to do nut shit.
And you're like fuck, is there anything fun I can do? Yet once you start doing thru those gates, you realize why it's important to understand instinct, logic, AND ego. Without good instinct and logic, you'll succumb to the superego and that's not Godly.
It teaches you through most odds, to be kind and you become blessed. But again, this is where being irresponsible has way worse than physical recourse. At this point I can see energy transfer thru objects. I can tell you why an ant is going a certain direction, why the wind is blowing, what birds are singing about etc etc.
I can literally see the vibrations that create things and people. I can feel peoples intent thru words alone, text or words. The truth from a lie. I understand body language because I've LITERALLY seen the entity that embodies the negative or positive emotion.
I've been to the place before space and time, a place cold, dark where you're conscious, but can't taste, can't feel, cant touch, can't smell, only hear and think. You cant touch, but everything that is ageless, timeless, and have never touched light before, can touch your conscious.
I've felt the cold scaly "hands" of pure mania, the warm yet suffocating embrace of anxiety, the punishing eyes of hate in it's pure embodiment. You want to talk fear, then you haven't been scared until you've been in a cosmic trashcan with beings that exist outside or time and space and they're just angry they never get to experience death, life, or time.
Seconds seem like eons, it is the grasp of infinity. Something no "man" is supposed to understand until he's dead. Which leads me to the thought that at this point, I'm quasi-dead and quasi-God. I can feel my own existence in layers, and it's odd, yes, manageable totally.
I can navigate the Abyss, and bring people out of it. Stopping their impending death and reconnecting the soul to their body. However afterwards I tend to sleep the day away, because it takes a lot of energy to being your own soul back to its body when nobody around you can navigate that place.
But I've also had the luxury to sit in Kether and speak to God from her throne. I've had the luxury of making pact with Ishtar. I've had the luxury if making pact with Anubis (get the whole Quasi-dead/Quasi-God thing yet?)
My biggest issue now is grounding. I'm so spiritually and mentally aware, that it's hard to think and live in the present. Because its hard to express things with no expression, and so I'm forced to use the words given to me.
I can breakdown every reason why a conversation is baseless and pointless on a universal scale and how the effect will in turn cause whatever to occur. But no one wants to hear that shit lol. I've lost connection with being "human", it's more like being a spiritual supercomputer wrapped in human skin.
Every time I'm selfish, I can see the consequence playing out, I can see my accountability in everything and how the pieces come together. I've died so many times that I've become intuitively adaptive to physical shit. I know things about things that I've never even tinkered with or read about, and its accurate.
So with all this said, I'm going to start a group to teach others how to reach this point. No sigils, no "spells", no dolls, etc etc. Just Manifestation from the Zero. Creating something out or nothing. All of those other things manipulate energy in existence...I'll teach you how to create energy...because that's what Gods do, create.
#quote#quotes#lyrics#apotheosis#gnosis#manifestation#luciferian#asabovesobelow#spiritual#spiritualguidance#spiritualteacher#spiritualism#spiritualpath#zero#creation#death#life#undying
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songs/19
“I listen so you don't have to”
Hey everyone, we’re back!
enjoy some music and musings from the last year
Make sure to click on there bold type for music links and extras!
Lizzo- Juice
Lizzo burst into 2019 with a hit song, huge album and wildly successful tour. The “pudding in the proof “. Easily the catchiest tune of the year with an irresistible Bruno Mars 80′s funk vibe, She has the kind of star power and charisma that makes her appealing to just about everyone, including your aunt, who no doubt will be grooving to this on bar mitzvah dance floors for years to come.
Blame it on her juice.
Jen Awad- Hungover
Big voiced, post Amy Winehouse soul singer blames it on the juice too. Maybe she was with Lizzo the night before?
Charley Crockett- How Low Can You Go?
Multi ethnic Americana singer/songwriter delivers one of my favorite albums of the year where he effortlessly moves from country to blues to soul. He also recorded one of my favorite country covers of the year (see bottom of this blog for more info on that). His girl is breaking his heart (blame it on the juice again?) on this R&B styled song from a non album single.
Durand Jones and The Indications- Circles
More sweet 70′s soul, quiet storm style. The swirling strings and Delfonics harmonies would sound perfect coming out of the 8 Track player in your Pinto.
Dr.John- Such A Night (1941-2019)
A true music renaissance man. Starting as a teen in the studios of New Orleans, he learned his trade at the feet of the masters, playing R&B, jazz, and blues with equal skill and feel. The good doctor, (AKA Mac Rebbenack) went on to become an unlikely rock star in the early 70′s with his psychedelic and voodoo inspired Night Tripper alter ego. His long career found him playing several roles along the way, session man, producer, and The Big Easy’s unofficial funk ambassador. I picked this live version of the song because: A. He’s backed beautifully by The Band, B. It’s one of my favorite performances from The Last Waltz, and C. The live setting let’s you hear him stretch out a bit on the keyboards. I watched him perform many times, headlining or sitting in with others at Jazz Fest. No matter what the setting, he always fit right in and found the groove. Piano man, sideman, shaman, there was only one Dr.John.
Van Morrison - Early Days
Like Dr. John, Van’s been around long enough to recall the birth of rock and roll. Throughout his career he never stopped paying tribute to his roots and those who inspired him. You can hear it in his musical references, cover tunes and name checks. At The Hollywood Bowl in October I got to see an unusually joyous performance as he wistfully traced a lifetime of musical influences across R&B, jazz and blues. His latest release is an unabashed love letter to those good old days, three chords and the truth.
Spiral Stairs- Fingerprintz
Scott Kannberg is one of the co-founders of Indie rock legends Pavement. But truth is I never took much of an interest in them. I happened to read about his solo project where he mentioned listening to a lot of Van Morrison and Nick Lowe while recording. That seemed like a good enough reason for me to check it out. There are familiar ‘fingerprints” on this one, as you can definitely hear him channeling Van.
Vampire Weekend- This Life
Hardly anyone is ambivalent about Vampire Weekend. Their preppy east coast look, and sleeve wearing, dad rock influences make them polarizing at best. Doesn’t matter to me, I like their catchy hooks, bone dry lyrics, caribbean rhythms, and ringing guitars.This is easily the sunniest song about cheating I ever heard.
The English Beat- Whine and Grind/Stand Down Margaret
Ranking Roger (1953-2019)
in January of 1980 England was in the grips of 2 Tone mania, the pop music movement that came dancehall crashing out of the UK Midlands, and for a brief black and white checkered moment, dominated the British charts. At the center of the scene were The Specials whose founder Jerry Dammers launched the 2 Tone label and created the blueprint for it’s sound, inspired by the Jamaican music he heard as a kid. These bands (including The Selecter and Madness), combined ska, reggae and punk that launched a brief music and fashion movement. They dressed in a mod black and white style making the look nearly as important as their sound. For most of these bi-racial bands, the goal was to make you dance AND think, with lyrics focusing on social and political issues affecting young people in Thatcher’s Britain. The track here is a good example of that.
I arrived in London on a traveling seminar ready to check it all out, as a college radio DJ I was already a fan of The Clash’s punky reggae. and I had read several dispatches from the British music tabloids like NME and Melody Maker. First chance I got, I was off to a record store where I stood at a listening station to hear The Special’s debut LP. I was instantly transformed into a card carrying 2 Tone fan boy. As a student, without much money with a long trip ahead, I couldn't afford The Specials album, but I did buy a 45 by the label’s latest signing, The Beat.
The A side was a cover of Smokey Robinson & The Miracle’s “Tears Of A Clown”. It took a minute to get used to hearing the Motown classic played in their energetic ska sound. The tune ends with Ranking Roger “toasting” over the track reggae DJ style, not something heard much outside of Jamaica back then. Side B featured Roger taking lead and riding over a bouncy stop and start rhythm titled “Ranking Full Stop”. It was an instant 2 Tone classic, and I now had a new favorite band.
The Beat (AKA The English Beat) after just one 2 Tone single, were given their own Go-Feet label and releasing a full length album later that year. Their songs seemed to have a slightly more authentic Jamaican sound than the others, dubbier, upbeat and fun. In addition they dabbled in world music and afropop long before it became chic. I saw them perform on their first US tour in Boston later that year.
As the 2 Tone moment waned back home, the group quickly focused on the American audience, touring constantly in the process. The Beat were definitely the band most committed to breaking in the states and nearly did. By the third album, they gained some traction at US radio (particularly here in LA at KROQ) and played the US Festival, but it was too late. The band was already fracturing. Lead singer Dave Wakeling and Roger left unceremoniously in 1983 to form the short lived and mildly successful General Public, while bandmates Andy Cox and David Steele formed the much more successful Fine Young Cannibals. despite some huge hits, they too were short lived.
The original band never reunited. Roger and Wakeling performed together as The Beat for awhile, later each forming his own version. Roger in the UK and Dave in the US. Dave’s version tours constantly to this day. The 2 Tone label didn't last long and the music never truly caught on here. Ultimately suffering the same fate as other short lived UK music fads like Glam Rock or The New Romatics. Their impact was strong enough though to fuel the much maligned ska third wave of the 90′s, and bring Jamaican music a bit farther into the mainstream. All that really remains are the three great studio albums and the memory of their exciting live shows.
I booked the band on a CNN talk show in 1982. I remember they seemed frustrated and were already hinting at a challenged future for the group. Less than a year later they were done for good. I recall desperately wanting them to succeed, bringing my favorite band and the 2 Tone music to the masses. It’s hard to imagine there was a ever a time in your life when a pop group could break your heart like that.
Foe me and other recovering rude boys/rude girls, the music endures, as does the message. And today when I hear them streaming into my ear buds, I still want to “move my likkle feet and dance to the beat”, which for the dearly departed Roger I have to think, was always the point. #loveandunity
The Special- Vote For Me
Politics and social issues remain front and center as the 2 Tone founders return with their first album since the 80′s. Reunited for many years now, this current version of the band boasts more original members of The Fun Boy Three than the original The Specials. That did not stop them from delivering a totally respectable and relevant effort. You can hear dark echos of their classic "Ghost Town” on this dubby tune no doubt inspired by Brexit.
Eddie And The Hot Rods- Do Anything You Wanna Do
Barrie Masters (1956-2019)
in 1976/77 Eddie and the Hot Rods stood at the intersection of pub rock and punk as one scene fizzled, and the other burned down everything in its path. The Hot Rods had the classic straight ahead sound of the pub bands plus an attitude that leaned forward into the energy punk would embrace. They enjoyed a brief moment of UK chart success before literally falling into the cracks of the pop music scene. This song, one of my all time favorite singles, sum them up perfectly. Drawing a straight line from Graham Parker to The Clash with a touch of a classic Springsteen working class anthem.
In other words....perfect.
Beach Slang- Tommy In The 80′s
When I first saw the title of this song immediately assumed it was a Beach Slang’s tribute to The Replacements guitarist Tommy Stinson . And even though Tommy himself plays on the track, it is not about him! In fact, it’s actually a tribute to obscure 80′s power popper Tommy Keene. I remembered the name from my MTV days, but honestly had to wiki him for clarification. Despite all these references, the whole thing sounds more inspired by “Jessie’s Girl” than either Tommy.
The Cars- My Best Friends Girl
Ric Ocasek (1941-2019)
Truthfully. I was never a big Cars fan. But in my college days before digital music, you listened to whatever the radio played. And in Boston, they played The Cars a lot. It wasn’t long before they rose from local heroes to national charts toppers.
They didn't have the bluesy street cred or swagger of hometown legends Aerosmith or The J Geils Band, but they were our very own neighborhood rock stars. Drummer David Robinson lived in the building next door to Noreen on Comm Ave, and it was always kinda cool to see them strolling around Back Bay or hanging out at a club.
Their sound was little cold and metallic for me, but you couldn't deny they crafted pretty great pop and new wave singles. They were omnipresent sound of my college days. The hits literally followed me to MTV and NYC in the 80′s where I often spotted Ric and Paulina strolling hand in hand in Chelsea.
This classic love triangle was always my favorite with it’s Tommy James like guitar at the top, handclaps, and unforgettable hook. The band disbanded long ago, but like the classic American automobiles, these songs were built to last.
The Neighborhoods- Don’t Look Down
The Cars were the only Boston group of the era to truly make it big, but that late 70′s scene boasted several other talented bands who scored label deals including: The Nervous Eaters, The Rings, The Paley Brothers, Robin Lane and the Chartbusters, The Fools, The Real Kids, The Stompers, and Mission Of Burma. Later on, The Lyres, The Neats The Del Fuegos, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and Murphy’s Law all managed to find the big time.
It was a great time for local music back then. A city filled with students, plenty of clubs to pack on weekends, and college and commercial radio stations willing to play local bands. There were many good acts around town then, and my favorite, without a doubt, were The Neighborhoods. A young, brash power trio led by charismatic lead singer David Minehan. They played a ferocious brand of power pop/punk that would leave their audience breathless. I was certain they were destined for stardom.
In the spring of 1979 they released their debut single “Prettiest Girl” on a local label and massive airplay on both college and commercial radio followed. They instantly became the hottest band in town, poised to become the next band from Boston to make it big. But it never happened. Bad luck, poor management and infighting derailed all the momentum. Before you knew it, the gritty street quality that was The ‘Hoods trademark was pushed aside by the synthesized sound of MTV. Over the course of the 80′s and into the 90′s they managed to release some pretty good albums on a variety of indie labels, but it never came together for them. The band reunited and gigs occasionally but hadn’t recorded for many years until right now.
Forty years later, the neighborhood may not look the same, but their sound and spirit somehow survive. I suppose there’s something tragic and romantic about a great band lost to time, remembered only by the few who saw them way back when. They really were great, but I guess you had to be there.
Jesse Mailn - Meet Me At The End Of The World Again
New York’s favorite son, soul survivor, and street poet Jesse Malin is back. He’s been around long enough to understand that “When it all blows up, when it all goes down, when it makes you sick, but you’re still around” is victory in itself. It’s the only life he knows, so what can a poor boy do?
Brittany Howard- Stay High
This is from Alabama Shakes lead singer's excellent solo debut, unselfconsciously celebrating private moments spent with a lover on this rootsy and gentle ballad. Her soulful falsetto conveys the kind of lustful bliss you might expect from Al Green or Prince.
Mississippi All Stars- Mean Old World
Bear with me. This one is tangled up in the roots of several southern rock legacies and is going to take a minute to unpack.
The All Stars are led by Luther and Cody Dickinson, sons of legendary Memphis musician and wild man Jim Dickinson. They decided to cover T Bone Walker’s Mean Old World, a blues number once recorded by Eric Clapton and Duane Allman as part of the historic Derek And The Dominos sessions. The track, featuring their dad Jim, did not make the original release but was later unearthed on an expanded reissue.
Still with me?
So, as a bit of a tribute, the guys recorded their own version of the tune and invited Duane Betts, son of Allman Brothers guitarist Dickey Betts to record an Eat a Peach inspired guitar run at the end.
And oh yeah, Jason Isbell is on it as well.
Got all that?
Samantha Fish- Kill Or Be Kind
Have seen Samantha live several times over the past few years. She’s a very good blues/rock guitarist, vocalist and an exciting live performer. On the sultry “Kill or be Kind” she gives her lover an ultimatum. Fun fact: One of my son’s best friends from high school (Kate Pearlman) wrote two tracks on the album!
Jade Jackson- Bottle It Up
Second album from this promising up and coming alt country artist. She’s on the super cool Anti label which providing immediate credibility and her albums are produced by Social D frontman Mike Ness. And when she’s not on the road she waitress’s at her parent’s restaurant in central California. I’m not sure you can get any more country than that.
The Highwomen- Redesigninig Women
Inspired by The Highwaymen of Willie, Waylon, Johnny and Kris, this all female country “supergroup” quartet is out to break the stereotypes in country music with some really fine songs. While the male Highwaymen banded together to rescue careers in decline, these women (Brandi Carlisle, Amanda Shires, Marren Morris, and Natalie Hemby), are all on the rise. This song is lot of fun.
John Prine- Unwed Fathers
John Prine is back with a remake of his heartbreaking tale of teenage pregnancy. He’s joined this time Margo Price. I got to see Prine live this fall at the beautiful Anson Ford Amphitheater here in LA. His simple, plain spoken lyrics and songs are timeless. I attended the show with my pal David Kissinger who observed that despite health issues, “Prine remains an national songwriting treasure and his performance was as life affirming as you’ll ever see.” Can’t say it any better than that.
Shovels And Rope- Mississippi “Nuthin
Ever wonder whatever happened to that perfect couple from high school? You know, the high school quarterback and the prom queen? This one ain’t “Glory Days”. Our QB peaked in high school and never makes it back to the end zone again, plus he's tortured by the success his old flame enjoys. His anguish and desperation are palpable in this barn burner of a song whose vocals draw inspiration from June & Johnny and John & Exene.
The Delines- Eddie and Polly
Eddie and Polly are young and in love, and doomed. Vocalist Amy Boone’s world weary vocals always sound like it’s 3AM. This one won’t do much for your holiday spirit, but it’s haunting melody might stay with you throughout it.
Yola - Love all Night (Work All Day)
Love the one your with is (at least after work) is the basic idea on this track from this UK performer’s debut long player. Produced by Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys, the collection is full of excellent retro soul-folk. There was a fair amount of buzz in front of the release and she more than lives up to it including a nomination for a Best New Artist Grammy.
Mavis Staples + Norah Jones- I’ll Be Gone
First recorded effort form this duo. A bittersweet ballad that softly and soulfully looks ahead to a final salvation. But Mavis ain’t done yet. She’s still going strong, recording and touring constantly. She knows she may be running out of time, but there’s still work to do. And whenever she’s finally ready, you can be sure she’ll take us there.
Hope you and yours are well.
The Herzog’s wish you the best and look forward to seeing you in the new year. For those of you who made it this far, thank you.
I’ve got a bonus playlist for you.
Artists you like playing songs you love: covers/19
Enjoy.
peace,
Doug
Los Angeles, December 2019
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Voltron S8 Drinking Game*
*Since most of you are probably under 21 or if you don’t drink alcohol** like me, I like to do Mountain Dew shots. It’s actually super fun and will give you the energy you need to binge the whole season late into the night
**I actually do not encourage drinking alcohol while watching the show, especially not with this drinking game because it would probably kill you. Please drink responsibly and don’t push yourself, even if it’s just Mountain Dew. Have fun within your limits!
With that said, for those of you who don’t know, a drinking game is when you get shot glasses and take a drink every time something on this list happens in the show. Soda works great but you can also do juice or chocolate milk or Martinelli’s or you can go crazy and MIX sodas together (Fanta and Mountain Dew is quite amazing, my friends). You might want to have a handful of shot glasses already filled in case a scene happens where you gotta take a bunch of shots at once, and then you refill them so you’re ready for whatever the show throws at you next!
TAKE A SHOT OF YOUR PREFERRED DRINK WHEN:
They show the form Voltron sequence [mania mode: keep taking shots until it’s finished, see who can get the most in]
Pidge is referred to as Katie
Shiro is called Takashi
Lance says “Razzle Dazzle”
Anyone says “Vrepit Sa”
Anyone says “Quiznack” [may be mania mode like s7]
Voltron forms the sword [double if it’s flaming, triple if it’s dual swords]
Whenever there’s a group hug
Two or more characters use their bayards together to unlock some new ability for Voltron
Whenever characters kiss [double if you like the ship]
Whenever characters hold hands
Anytime a character uses a special ability of their Lion
A Lion saves its pilot from danger or acts on its own accord
If any characters start piloting a different Lion (they like to play musical chairs in this show)
Whenever a character DIES (lol I’m sobbing because this actually happens quite frequently), double shots if said character is brought back to life, triple shots if they’re not because that’s so sad
Character(s) you thought were dead turn out to be alive (I have a couple in mind that might show up in s8)
Monsters and Mana reference or if they play MnM again
Coran makes any kind of Altean reference/metaphor that no one gets except (probably) Allura
Hunk bakes or mentions food
Pidge hacks into something
Lance does the finger guns
Keith goes Galra mode
Allura uses Altean Alchemy (or some other kind of magic lol)
Lotor shows up
Honerva shows up
Altean colony makes an appearance
Matt shows up
Krolia shows up
Blade of Marmora makes an appearance
Someone’s Bayard changes into a new form (looking at you LONCE)
Lance actually uses his Altean broadsword in combat
Keith dual wields his katar (bayard) and Marmoran blade
Something tragic happens to Shiro
Shiro has a “Space Dad” moment
There’s a flashback scene
Someone cries [if multiple characters are crying, take a shot for each and you’ll probably be crying too so take one for yourself]
Character gets severely injured and/or gets permanent scarring (I have my bets for who this might be)
Someone self-sacrifices themselves to save someone else (looking again at you LONCE and KEITH as well)
Someone gives a pep talk or motivational speech of sorts (more than likely Allura, Shiro, or Lance)
Whenever someone enters the quintessence field
Whenever someone enters an alternate reality
Character is controlled or corrupted
A character is revealed to not be who we thought they were (whether betrayal, switching alliances, or having been a clone) [double shots if it’s one of the Paladins]
The Atlas saves a paladin/Voltron
All the MFE fighters are on screen
Lance flirts with someone [triple shots if someone flirts with Lance]
Whenever Coran is sleeveless (Coran Coran the gorgeous man)
Whenever Kaltenecker or the Trash Floofs make an appearance [double shots if they’re both in the same scene]
Kosmo saves someone/everyone with his teleporting
Family moment between one of the paladins and their family
You see Lauren Montgomery’s name on screen because she’s amazing
Triple shots if any of your ships become canon
If there’s a timeskip/epilogue
Mania Mode: anytime someone says “quintessence” (I have a feeling it will be said a lot this season)
Since I had very little material to go off on for this season a lot of these prompts are vague and a lot of them probably won’t happen. I did my best though! Have fun and I hope you all enjoy the last season of our beloved show!
#voltron#vld#vld s8#voltron season 8#drinking game#voltron drinking game#vld drinking game#vld season 8#voltron s8#voltron s8 drinking game#vld s8 drinking game
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So, about the movie...
At long last, a week after it came out, I was finally able to see the Sonic movie. The Daytona 500 being held across the street from my favorite theater and conflicting work schedules had been keeping me away, but now I’ve finally seen it. And it was...
Decent!
Which is way, way, way, way, way better than a movie with this awful premise has any right being. That’s for damn sure. I enjoyed my time at the theater. I don’t know how they did it, but they did it. If you like Sonic and haven’t already seen it, you will probably get a kick out of this film. If you don’t like Sonic (or Jim Carrey), there is very little in this movie for you
Okay, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to break that whole movie down. This will contain full spoilers for the Sonic movie
This movie kinda gave me deja vu because it’s set up so similarly to the Bumblebee movie. Both open with a slavishly faithful CGI sequence on another planet to ensure long time fans that the creative team gives a shit, but a conflict sends the title character to Earth. There, they form an emotional bond with the human lead as they’re pursued by the bad guys, who are working with the US government and tracking the energy signature of the title character. This setup worked extremely well for Bumblebee, because it’s so similar to the usual plot of Transformers. For Sonic, it was... a mixed bag. But it worked better than I expected
(This shot does not happen in the movie.)
That opening though, huh? Green Hill Zone looked great, and I was pleasantly surprised to see they did, in fact, use the Hyper Potions track from Sonic Mania in the actual film. (The piano rendition of the Green Hill theme used later was also lovely.) Longclaw was also interesting. I’ve seen one person bring up all the bird-themed ruins in Sonic 1 and 2 as a possible source of inspiration for the character, and I think that’s a valid take. And man, the echidnas! I wasn’t expecting that AT ALL. I guess that was probably the Knuckles Clan or something? I would never, ever picture them being alive during Sonic’s lifetime, but like... I guess Knuckles had to come from somewhere, right? If they do another movie with Knuckles, will the rest of his kind have died out?
Sadly, though, this sequence felt like it was over in a heartbeat. We barely see Sonic’s life on his home planet, and we’re expected to feel emotional over Longclaw’s sacrifice when she only gets like three lines before Sonic is sent to Earth. This is a common theme with the film--it goes for these big emotional beats that it just does not earn with its rapid fire pacing
Anyway, then we fast forward and Sonic’s a teen. This is actually kind of an interesting one if you’re constantly neck deep in Sonic Character Analysis like me, because it’s a pretty different take on the character. It’s hard to give them credit for doing something somewhat fresh with the character, though, because like... how much of that was intentional, and how much was just Hollywood writers trying to squeeze a generic action-adventure movie out of Sonic? (Honestly, it’s probably mostly the latter.)
The closest other piece of Sonic media to the movie would probably be Sonic X, a story in which Sonic isn’t really the protagonist. The Sonic of the anime is fairly emotionally distant. He cares deeply about his friends, and does nice things for them, but he’s totally fine with running off on his own for extended lengths of time, and he doesn’t really talk about his feelings. He’s not the character the audience is meant to sympathize with, but is instead this cool older kid who Chris wants to impress. This is pretty much in line with how Sega likes to depict the character. He cares about his friends, but he’s also cool with being a loner. It feels like he only runs into them incidentally, usually when Eggman is causing trouble, and then when the crisis of the week is taken care of he’s back to going on his own adventures. There’s a reason why one of his catchphrases is “long time no see”
The Sonic of the movie is the polar opposite. His main conflict is that he’s lonely and desperately seeks friendship. He’s also an overly-eager, extremely earnest goober. He literally flosses twice. (Which I loved.) I’ve seen him compared to Silver, and honestly, that’s not a bad comparison. I did like it, though! I don’t mind Sonic being a more emotionally open character, like he was in a lot of older Western media. I mean, he cried in like the second or third episode of SatAM
It’s just that, like many things in the movie, it feels less like a deliberate creative choice and more like a logical string of decisions to make when writing a generic action-adventure film for general audiences. Sonic’s the only one of his kind on Earth, so of course he’d be lonely. He has to have some sort of arc for audiences to connect with him, and if he’s gotta be accompanied by James Marsden for the whole movie, well, his arc’s gotta be about them becoming friends
I’ve gotta say, though: Ben Schwartz is great as Sonic. As much as I like Roger Craig Smith, I wouldn’t complain if he became the new main voice of the character. And thanks to the redesign, he looked great. I can’t imagine how nightmarish this movie would’ve been if Sonic wasn’t cute
My main fear with this movie, though, was that Sonic wouldn’t really be the protagonist. As a fan of Transformers, I know all too well that the cost of doing a full CGI character usually means that said character can’t really be the star of the film. Optimus and Bumblebee aren’t the stars of the Transformers movies--they’re supporting characters who are primarily present for the sake of the action scenes. The humans are the real stars in those movies, and the robots are barely even characters. I was terrified that Sonic would be the same, with the actual character I paid to see taking a backseat to James Marsden The Cop
I’m not quite sure if they struck the right balance there, but they did better than I worried they would. Sonic is central enough to the film and gets enough screentime that you can easily say he’s the protagonist. BUT there is absolutely too much of Tom and his family. The human cast is fine, the performances are fine, and there were a few good jokes, but every time the movie tried to get me to care about Tom’s life I was bored out of my mind. It’s just so trite and passionless. The other characters barely felt fleshed out at all, including Tom’s girlfriend (wife?) and Agent Stone. The little girl who gives Sonic the shoes had some cute moments, though
I do, however, love the part in which James Marsden is walking around in a San Francisco t-shirt, to remind us that he’s planning on moving to San Francisco... which then becomes the excuse for Sonic to think about San Francisco and accidentally send his warp rings there, which becomes the excuse for the buddy road trip aspect of the film. And as much as that was a focus of the marketing, the actual road trip part is like... maybe 20 minutes of the movie? There’s like three scenes with Sonic and Tom on the road and then they’re in San Francisco for act 3. The movie tries to act like they’ve formed this deep bond and I just did not give a shit. I don’t care about the cop. All Cops Are Bastards, and that absolutely includes Tom, whose dream in life is to join the extremely corrupt San Francisco PD
The whole excuse for Sonic having to sit in the passenger seat of a car going the speed limit for a good chunk of the movie is also, just. Stupid. If he doesn’t know where San Francisco is and time is of the essence, just... give him a map?
And then there’s Jim Carrey. I was worried about this one. The previews tended to highlight his most Jim Carrey Being Wacky moments, and as fond as I am of movies like The Truman Show and Bruce Almighty, that’s just. That’s not Robotnik. I was pleasantly surprised by the actual movie, though! I thought he was pretty good. I’m not sure what incarnation of Eggman I’d most compare him to, but like... it was close enough, and he was entertaining enough. I’d pay to go see another movie with him as Robotnik. Sure. (Especially with how he was looking at the end of the film.)
There were some other little interesting tidbits here with Eggman, although again, a lot of that is less “let’s do a new take on Eggman” and more “let’s do a marketable movie with Eggman in it, which requires us to explain some stuff.” Like him straight up just being a normal human from Earth, with none of the confusion present in the current “two worlds” canon of the games. Or him apparently being an orphan who was bullied in school, and who trusts machines more than other humans. It’s a safe way to depict the character in a Hollywood movie, but I thought it worked
The way they got to his nickname was kind of funny, though. Like, obviously they didn’t put Jim Carrey in a fat suit, and thank god for that. So instead of mocking his weight, the nickname is derived from the egg-shaped robots he uses. Which made sense, I guess. It at least felt logical for this incarnation of Sonic, who had annoyingly been calling Tom “Donut Lord” the whole movie, to make up the nickname “Eggman.” (Said robots, by the way, were a weak point of the movie to me. They just didn’t have that Eggman whimsy and felt very safe and very Hollywood. Honestly, though, if they had just made Robotnik’s ship grey and slapped some hazard stripes on it, it’d probably be fine.)
As a whole, I thought the humor of the movie was... okay. Sonic had a lot of good moments thanks to Schwartz’s great performance, as did Robotnik. There were just so many weird lines, like James Marsden telling Robotnik that he was breast fed, or the agonizingly long child trafficking joke with Sonic in the duffel bag. Stuff like that
The action was great, though. They definitely owe a lot to the Quicksilver scene in that one X-men movie (I forget the one), but they had a lot of fun with Sonic’s powers and it felt extremely true to the character. Seeing him do one of his Smash poses during the San Francisco fight was great. The action scenes were an absolute delight
And then the ending. Oh, that ending
So, I had already heard that Tails shows up in the stinger before I saw the film. And when I heard that, I expected it to be like, the classic Tails origin story. Maybe Sonic would return to his planet, and run into this precocious kid who decides to follow him around... but no! Not at all! Tails is already the Tails we know and love. He’s already an inventor, he’s already tracking down Sonic. I’m shocked that Sonic actually stayed with Tom instead of running off to have new adventures, but hopefully this is a sign that more characters will be brought into the fray if they make a sequel
And boy, they better make that damn sequel. This movie had a great opening weekend and a positive reception. They have no excuse not to. GIVE US SONIC AND TAILS GOING ON AN ADVENTURE
Other stray thoughts
Holy shit they put Sanic in the movie
The Sega logo animation meant that Kiryu from Yakuza was in this movie for a few seconds
The pixel art credits sequence, which featured both the Sonic 2 special stage and Get Blue Spheres as well as the Eggman logo screens from the Studiopolis Zone boss, was cute
The Saturn logo could be seen on the diagram of the other habitable planets
Robotnik had a label for “Badniks” on his circuit breaker. I wonder if the drones in the movie are intended to be Badniks, or if we’ll see actual ones if a sequel gets made
Also, was it implied that Robotnik committed war crimes for the US government
One of the government guys who I think only got one line was played by Garry Chalk and as such sounded exactly like Optimus Primal
I can’t tell if Sonic getting a red race car bed was an intentional shout out to the Archie comics or if it’s just a coincidence, but I loved it
A dude about my age wearing a Sonic Mania t-shirt literally stood up and clutched his head in shock when Tails showed up
After the movie a very excited kid got his mom to take his photo with the Sonic display in the lobby. Afterwards he was so excited that he flossed
I can’t believe they talked about Olive Garden so much
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Euphoria>bipolar mania>suicidal thoughts>cosmic ordering tl;dr
If you desire to move into a state of happiness, possibly for the first time in a long time. I want to tell you. You are meant to feel this way. Let it flow for you, dont go crazy over it. This is what life is all about. I went through an episode earlier in the year where It was my first time for happiness in a long time and I went overboard with it. I didn’t want it to end. The law of attraction was really working for me for the first time, I truly felt as if I had been in a state of awakening. I had very psychic abilities. Which we all possess, I felt so good inside, but my friends and family had completely opposite opinions. I tried to make them understand SO much. I felt like they didn’t want me to be happy, so I was at my happiest, but when people didn’t believe in me I became SO ANGRY. I FELT DEVIL THROUGH MY VOICE. They thought I was on drugs. You should hear people’s opinions, but focus on your own opinions about yourself the most. Just know when you should keep it to yourself. I am a person who loves to die her hair, so I was like. I can shave my head and wear a new wig EVERYDAY. It will be like Halloween. I came to SO many realizations, this was the psychic abilities showing through I believe. They thought I had a brain tumor. They force me to go to the hospital and I got diagnosed with bipolar mania. Things WILL rush in for you, it will be amazing. It is true that you must think positively, but there is such a thing as too many positive thoughts also. I had insomnia for about 2 weeks, and this was really causing suicidal thoughts. So i commit myself to a psych unit. This was the most boring place. I had nothing to do but sit there. This caused my brain to be so blank when I got out. I had no desire for ANYTHING. I had suicidal thoughts for about two months. I got myself into some debt. I finally ended up getting a job. Not very high paying, I was living with my grandpa for free, which I really appreciate. I have since moved in with my bestie. I got a job that pays a little more than the last job. I got an interview at two jobs within two days. Each with perfect pay for me. I hope to get the job that is higher paying. I was at this very negative place just 2-3 months ago. This time my happiness is coming back, this time I realize that I deserve it, it was meant for me. The angels are blessing me. You deserve your dreams! It will feel so MAGICAL to be happy for the first time in a long time. Bask in it. Trust. Have faith. Just believe that the universe is making it happen. I look back now at that negative time and I am so grateful that I made it through. Because now I feel like I can be on top of the world. I know deep in my heart that this is the year that I finally feel like an adult and that my life is coming together. BELOW ARE ALOT OF MY DESIRES. Make sure you are ready for the happiness you deserve. Learn from my mistake. Universe, please deliver a two dollar raise to my paycheck at dollar general, by Monday. Angels, Universe. Please bless my desires. Thank you.
Universe, please bring these feelings into my daily life:
I am a confident talker, I can always keep a conversation flowing positively.
I am full of love for myself, my family and my lover, and I care deeply for other beings.
I am a woman who thinks only positive, uplifting thoughts.
I am an intuitive woman, I have a deep automatic knowing about all things. And all living beings appreciate this about me and come to me for advice.
I am a spiritually enlightened woman safe from all negative energies.
I am a lucky woman and unexpected opportunities, experiences, and objects that I find joy in arrive to my ownership daily.
Joyful, and fun opportunities to make more and more money come my way everyday.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE. I AM READY TO RECEIVE. MAKE SURE TO SUPRIZE ME! ANGELS PLEASE BLESS MY DAYS OF LIVING WITH GREATNESS, HAPPINESS, AND LOVE. 😁🥰😎👼
UNIVERSE, I GOT A JOB OPPORTUNITY AT MCDONALDS
I AM READY FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BRING A GREAT SHIFT INTO MY SELF AWARENESS. I AM READY TO MAKE MANY FRIENDS. I AM READY TO BE FINANCIALLY STABLE. I AM READY FOR MY BILLS TO BE PAID IN FULL. I AM READY FOR MY BANK ACCOUNT TO BE EQUAL TO MY NEEDS AND WANTS. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS MY DESIRES. THANK YOU ANGELS. 💲😁🥰🌠
UNIVERSE, I AM READY TO RECEIVE UNEXPECTED CHECKS OF ME WINNING MONEY. I DESIRE TO BE A WOMAN RICH WITH FINANCIAL STABILITY. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU💲💲💲💲💲💲💲💲
UNIVERSE, I AM READY TO WIN AT A CONTEST I HAVE SUBMITTED.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE, ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE, THANK YOU ANGELS
UNIVERSE, PLEASE SEND ME ALL MY DESIRES AND LIFE IN A BETTER VERSION THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE! THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS
UNIVERSE PLEASE CREATE AN OPEN, EASY ACCESS BETWEEN ME AND MY DESIRED LOVER COMING IN. I DESIRE TO HAVE A CLEAR PATH TO MY LOVER, KEEP THIS PATH FREE OF OBSTACLES. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
UNIVERSE, I AM READY TO RECEIVE MY DESIRED LOVER. THANK YOU UNIVERSE.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE SO MUCH FOR SHOWING ME WHAT I HAVE MANIFESTED. I HAVE GREAT FAITH AND BELIEF IN WHAT IS COMING. THANK YOU ANGELS.
UNIVERSE THIS IS WHAT I DESIRE
I DESIRE TO LIVE A LIFE WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO WONDER HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE OR HOW MUCH I AM SPENDING. I DESIRE TO ALWAYS HAVE OVER 500,000 DOLLARS IN MY BANK ACCOUNT. I DESIRE TO OWN MY CRAFT LIBRARY STORE AND HAVE SO MANY FUN AND INVITING CRAFTS IDEAS THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO EXPLORE MY STORE TO FIND WHAT THEY WANT TO MAKE. I DESIRE TO HAVE INSPIRING OBJECTS AND ANIMALS IN MY STORE. I DESIRE TO OWN THIS STORE WITH MY DESIRED LOVER. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN HERE HELPING PEOPLE OUT WITH THERE CRAFTS. WE PLAY FUN AND UPBEAT MUSIC. AND PEOPLE HAVE THE OPTION TO PLAY THE MUSIC THEY WANT TO. I DESIRE THE ABILITY TO BE ABLE TO TRAVEL IN MY RV WITH MY FRIENDS/FAMILY/LOVER WHENEVER I DESIRE. I HIRE EMPLOYEES THAT ARE VERY TRUSTWORTHY, FUN, AND CREATIVE. I DESIRE TO ALWAYS HAVE NEW PLACES TO GO. ON MY TRAVELS WITH MY LOVER. I CAPTURE BEAUTIFUL PICTURES THAT ARE JUST PERFECT TO GO IN MY STORE TO INSPIRE PEOPLE. I HELP PEOPLE TRULY USE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION TO GET WHAT THEY WANT IN LIFE. WHO EVER COMES IN MY STORE ALWAYS LEAVES WITH A NEW FRIEND. MY STORE HAS LARGE WINDOWS AND A LARGE DOOR. I ALWAYS DISPLAY NEW IDEAS FOR THE WEEK. I HAVE WEEKLY CONTESTS THAT PEOPLE CAN ENTER. IT IS AN OVERALL FUN AND EXCITING PLACE. I AM A VERY CREATIVE WOMAN AND ALL THINGS INSPIRE ME. MY LOVER AND I BLOG ABOUT OUR ADVENTURES AND PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD SUBSCRIBE TO OUT BLOG AND SEND US GIFTS. WE HAVE MANY FANS. WE ARE ALWAYS GETTING COMMENTS OF WHERE WE SHOULD GO NEXT OR FUN THINGS TO DO. MY BUSINESS FLOWS EASILY AND HAS NO ISSUES. PEOPLE CALL MY STORE UNIQUE AND INVITING, AND THEY ALWAYS WANT TO COME BACK. MY STORE HAS A LOT OF COMFY SEATING AREAS AND TABLES. I HAVE COMPUTERS, DRAWING TABLETS, AND THE GOOD DRAWING APPS DOWNLOADED ON THEM. THERE ARE MANY HANDS ON THINGS TO DO, AND ITS NOT ALL ART. ALL PERSONALITY TYPES LOVE COMING INTO THE STORE, AND MY STORE IS ALWAYS PEACEFUL AND EXCITING.
UNIVERSE THANK YOU FOR HEARING MY DESIRE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS MY DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
For ISIS
DEAR UNIVERSE PLEASE MAKE MY WISHES COME TRUE
I WISH TO HAVE MILLIONS OF FOLLOWERS ON TIK TOK, PLEASE BRING ME CREATIVITY TO MY DANCES AND VIDEOS THAT I POST. I WISH TO GO ON A TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD SOON AND FLY SAFELY IN AN AIRPLANE. PLEASE HELP ME BE GOOD AT MY HOMEWORK AND TO GET GOOD GRADES. PLEASE UNIVERSE BRING HAPPINESS TO MY LIFE EVERYDAY AND LET ME MAKE A LOT OF FRIENDSHIPS THAT LAST FOREVER. THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR HEARING MY WISHES. ANGELS PLEASE HELP MAKE THESE THINGS HAPPEN FOR ME. THANK YOU ANGELS.A
UNIVERSE, I DESIRE FOR MY FIRST HANGOUT WITH MY LOVER TO BE VERY SPECIAL. HE TAKES ME ON A LITTLE ADVENTURE, WE FEEL GOOD VIBES AND GOOD FREQUENCY ABOUT EACH OTHER THE WHOLE DAY, I WANT THERE TO BE ONE OF THOSE STARE DEEPLY INTO MY EYES, SLOW KIND OF KISSES. MAKE IT AN UNEXPECTED KISS AND VERY ROMANTIC. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE.
UNIVERSE, PLEASE CREATE IN ME THE SEXY AND FIT BODY I DESIRE.
I DESIRE TO BE HAVE A SEXY, AND CURVY BODY THAT MY LOVER ADORES.
I BURN CALORIES WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING. I AM A HEALTHY WOMAN. THE NEXT TIME I WEIGH MYSELF I WILL BE 180 POUNDS. MY HAIR GROWS LONG TO THE MIDDLE OF MY BACK AND IT REMAINS THAT LENGTH, FREE OF TANGLES. MY BOOTY IS ROUND AND FIT. MY BOOBS REMAIN THE SAME SIZE BUT ARE PERKY AND ROUND. MY SKIN IS SMOOTH AND HEALTHY. MY TEETH REMAIN WHITE AND CAVITY FREE. MY NAILS ARE FULL AND BEAUTIFUL. I NO LONGER FEEL THE NEED TO BITE MY NAILS. ZERO HAIRS GROW ON MY LEGS, ARMPITS, VAGINA, TOES, ARMS, BUTT AND MIDDLE EYEBROW AREA. I FEEL SO HAPPY AND CONFIDENT IN MY NEW BODY. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE, THANK YOU ANGELS.
DEAR UNIVERSE, I DESIRE TO RECEIVE THE POWER TO HEAL THE UNIVERSE AND BRING IT WORLD PEACE. PLEASE BRING ME THE POWER OF A GENIUS MIND. I DESIRE TO BE SPIRITUALLY ENLIGHTENED, IN A PURE STATE OF CALM BLISSFULNESS. MY WORDS INSPIRE THE WORLD. I LOVE SPEAKING TO PEOPLE AND HEALING THEM. I HOLD THE POWER BUT I KEEP IT SECRET, ONLY MY LOVER KNOWS MY TRUE POWER AND IT IS EASY TO KEEP MY SECRET. I HAVE THE ABILITY TO FLY, I HAVE THE ABILITY TO SHIFT INTO ANYTHING I WANT. I LIVE A PERFECT LIFE BUT I DO NOT BRAG ABOUT IT. THE UNIVERSE HAS ONLY THE EMOTION OF LOVE. I BRING HEALING TO EVERYTHING I TOUCH OR THINK ABOUT. THIS HEALING COMES EASY TO ME. I HAVE A GOOD STEADY ENERGETIC NATURE. AND I SLEEP WELL AT NIGHT. AMAZING THINGS COME TO MY MIND AS I SLEEP. I AM AN ANGELIC HEALER IN HUMAN FORM LIVING ON EARTH. GOD SHOWS ME THE WAY AND THE LIGHT. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS, GOD PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS. THANK YOU GOD. LET THE LOVE SHINE THROUGH!!
UNIVERSE, I DESIRE TO OWN THE POWER TO SPEAK TO ANIMALS. I DESIRE A DEEP CARING CONNECTION TO ALL ANIMALS AND I UNDERSTAND THEIR LANGUAGE. ANIMALS ARE DRAWN TO ME IN SOFT AND GENTLE WAYS. PEOPLE ARE AMAZED BY MY ABILITIES. I AM AN ANIMAL LOVER AND I LOVE ALL ANIMALS. I AM NOT DISGUSTED BY THEIR SMELL OF BODY FLUIDS. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
UNIVERSE, PLEASE BRING MANY PEOPLE TO MY BUSINESS “ARTSY CRAFTSY” PEOPLE HAVE VERY VIVID IMAGINATION WHEN THEY CREATE ART IN MY PLACE OF BUSINESS. THIS IS A VERY PEACEFUL PLACE. VERY COLORFUL, IN A VERY CALMING WAY. I AM A GOOD TEACHER OF ALL THINGS. PEOPLE COME TO ME WITH THEIR QUESTIONS AND I LOVE TO ANSWER THEM. I AM A VERY CREATIVE WOMAN, I WRITE MANY BOOKS ABOUT MY LIFE AND THEY ARE BEST SELLERS. PEOPLE LOVE TO INTERVIEW ME BECAUSE I AM SUCH AN INSPIRATION. I AM A TRULY TRANSFORMED WOMAN. MY PAST IS BEHIND ME. MY PRESENT IS CALM. AND MY PRESENT SHOWS ME GREATNESS, HAPPINESS, FINANCIAL SUCCESS, AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE. PEOPLE LOOK TO ME TO LEAD THEM TO HAPPINESS. MY HAPPINESS RADIATES AROUND THE WORLD AND HEALS ALL THINGS. HEAVEN AND EARTH ARE IN UNION. ALL OF LIFE LIVES IN ONLY POSITIVE ENERGIES. THE WORLD IS HEALED FROM ALL NEGATIVITIES. MY HOME IS VERY UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL. ALL TYPES OF PEOPLE VISIT MY HOME AND WE ALWAYS HAVE A FUN TIME. I HAVE SO MANY GOOD FRIENDS. GOD SHOW YOURSELF TO ME, BRING ME THE POWERS I DESIRE, I WILL DO SO MANY GOOD THINGS. UNEXPECTED BLESSING SHOW UP FOR ME EVERY DAY. I HAVE SO MANY EXCITING POWERS I NEVER KNEW EXISTED. I AM A GOOD SINGER. MY VOICE NEVER CRACKS. I LOVE TO SING FOR OTHERS. I HAVE AN ALL KNOWING MIND.
LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION LOVE IS THE ONLY EMOTION. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. THANK YOU ANGELS. THANK YOU GOD.
UNIVERSE I DESIRE TO HAVE A BODY THAT IS FREE FROM PAIN. I DESIRE TO HAVE HANDS THAT ARE ALWAYS ABLE TO WORK. MY HANDS ARE FREE FROM TENSION, AND I CAN TYPE FOR HOURS. I GIVE GREAT ADVICE AND PEOPLE LOVE HEARING WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I HAVE A SUCCESSFUL YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND I MANIFEST THINGS EVERYDAY ON WHAT TO TALK ABOUT. PEOPLE GIVE ME IDEAS ON WHAT TO MANIFEST. I ONLY RECEIVE POSITIVE COMMENTS. I CAN ALWAYS FIND THE CUTEST BACKGROUND FOR MY VIDEOS. MY VIDEOS ARE VERY HIGH QUALITY AND FUN TO WATCH. I OFTEN GET MESSAGES FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WANT MY ADVICE AND THEY PAY ME GOOD MONEY FOR IT. I AM A SUCCESSFUL AUTHOR OF WRITING BOOKS. MY PERSONALITY REALLY COMES OUT WHEN I TALK AND WRITE. I AM A FUNNY WOMAN. I AM A SMART WOMAN. I AM AN INTUITIVE WOMAN. FUN WORK ALWAYS FINDS ITS WAY TO ME AND PAYS ME WELL. UNIVERSE PLEASE SHOW ME FUN, EASY, AND QUICK WAYS TO MAKE MONEY. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
UNIVERSE I DESIRE TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE SINGING VOICE. I WILL BE AS FAMOUS AS EMINEM. SONGS LYRICS COME EASILY TO MY MIND AND I REMEMBER EVERY WORD. PEOPLE REALLY HAVE AN EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO MY SONGS. I APPLY FOR AMERICAN IDLE AND I WIN EVER CONTEST. I AM VERY CONFIDENT IN MY SINGING AND I NEVER GET NERVOUS. I FEEL LIKE A STAR ON THE STAGE.
UNIVERSE PLEASE BRING AN EASINESS INTO MY LIFE. I DESIRE TO BE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING I WISH TO DO AND ALL OTHER AREAS ARE MY LIFE ARE STILL SUCCESSFUL AND IN LINE. I HAVE VERY HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL, TRUSTWORTHY EMPLOYEES WORKING AT MY BUSINESSES. PEOPLE ALWAYS COME TO ME THAT HELP ME IN LIFE. UNIVERSE BRING ME THE SUCCESS I DESIRE. SHOW OTHERS THROUGH ME THAT ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. AND YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS MY DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
UNIVERSE. I DESIRE TO HAVE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL WITH MILLIONS OF EXCITING VIDEOS. THESE VIDEOS WILL BE EMOTIONALLY FULFILLING FOR ALL PEOPLE WHO VIEW THEM. I GET MILLIONS OF LIKES PER DAY. I QUICKLY SUCCEED AT MONETIZING MY CHANNEL. PEOPLE WILL BE INSPIRED TO LIVE OUT THERE DREAMS. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
So the past two days I have just felt the strong erge that I might meet my soulmate at either fareway or Dairy Queen. I go to Dairy Queen first. sit there a while, nothing happens. So I go to fareway. I am just slowly walking down the isles, seeing if maybe things pop out to me, and If I see this man I desire. I turn and walk down one isle, I notice a pretty fit man, but I don’t really see what he looks like, I didnt want to stare, but I do notice once he turned the isle, we Locked gazes at eachother. So right before that I picked 2 flavors of jello of the shelf. I get strawberry and orange. I go to the candy isle I notice some mints side by side. the flavors are orange and cherry. SO im like is this a sign that I should get cherry instead, so I go get a cherry flavor instead. Then I go down the alchol section. Orange budlight stood out to me, but strawberry flavor was beside that. I decided not to go back. But later as I am walking. I look at a car, I check to see whos driving, and I believe it was the same man, and I see he was looking at me. Still I did not see what he looked like.......... So IDK....
UNIVERSE. I DESIRE TO GIVE ADVICE WITH EASE. I DESIRE TO SPEAK AND MAKE CONVERSATIONS FLOW WITH EASE. I DESIRE TO BE INTERVIEWED BY BIG TALK SHOW HOSTS. THESE INTERVIEW QUESTIONS ARE ALWAYS EASY FOR ME TO ANSWER, AND MY ANSWERS INSPIRE EVERY PERSON THAT HEARS. I HAVE MANY FRIENDS WHO ARE FAMOUS AND WE DO MANY FUN THINGS. I AM A GOOD ACTRESS. I KIND BE ANY KIND OF ACTRESS I WANT. EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE FLOWS INTO GREATNESS. I AM 100 PERCENT HAPPY AND IN LOVE WITH MY MIND BODY AND SOUL.THANK YOU UNIVERSE. ANGELS PLEASE BLESS THIS DESIRE. THANK YOU ANGELS.
UNIVERSE I DESIRE FOR PEOPLE TO CARE ABOUT MY DESIRES.
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I know you mentioned how you feel when you see people write characters having bipolar disorder or autism who don't know what it's like, so I'd love to ask your POV on this: Do you think Schneider exhibits any signs of being bipolar or having autism? A few characteristics of his remind me of a family member who is bipolar, but as someone who personally isn't and admittedly doesn't know a ton about bipolar disorder or autism, I'd love to know your thoughts instead of having uninformed headcanons.
Ooh I love this question!! Thanks for thinking of me to ask it. My answer got longer than expected, surprise surprise, so it’s an essay behind the cut now. :)
I also love Schneider and find him easier to understand and write than just about anybody, so I feel pretty comfortable getting inside his head and musing about all this.
For the record as to where I’m coming from here, I am autistic and have bipolar disorder (bipolar 1 technically), and I also have combined-type ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder (I’m quite something).
I’ve never seen anyone connect Schneider to autistic traits before, and I’m generally thrilled to headcanon my faves as on the spectrum, so I had to think about this. He definitely has interests, but I wouldn’t say he has an intense focus on any specific things in that autistic way. He makes eye contact easily and a lot, and off the top of my head I don’t remember him making any comments that would indicate sensory issues (about noise or clothing texture, for example). He doesn’t seem stuck to specific routines, and his diet is eclectic but not rigid.
He does seem pretty oblivious to social cues? But in an overeager, he steamrolls right past them kind of way…and he often immediately corrects himself when his words come out offensive, because he can tell the difference between what people think it’s okay to say or not. He likes puzzles and mechanical things, but so do lots of neurotypical people. His voice is very expressive, not a monotone, and he’s very comfortable with physical affection.
Honestly, every autistic person is different so it’s totally possible to be on the spectrum and not have some of the ‘usual’ traits (for example, I don’t make much eye contact and am blatantly autistic in a lot of ways, but I’m very comfortable in crowds and loud days like the 4th of July don’t bother me). But I don’t see much canon evidence for Schneider being autistic that isn’t better explained by him having a serious case of ADHD.
That’s the stuff that he and I have in common, as a matter of fact…he has a billion hobbies and is overenthusiastic and full of energy and impulsive, and he’s often mentally and emotionally moving so fast that he doesn’t even notice he’s pushed past people’s personal boundaries. Trying to be Victor’s best man or inviting himself over to the Alvarez apartment all the time is never because Schneider doesn’t care that they may not want him involved–he’s just so excited to be a part of things that he doesn’t stop and think first, and that’s super ADHD of him.
Now the bipolar question is such a fun one for me! I feel like bipolar people who don’t end up violent or committed are waaaay underrepresented in media, and I tend to see those traits everywhere. Some of my favorite characters I love because they remind me of me, and could definitely be coded bipolar.
It’s really common for bipolar people to struggle with addiction, which obviously Schneider does. I don’t have that history personally, but I completely understand the way bipolar people can use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate the symptoms of the disorder.
They can also go through periods where they turn to sex in an unusually intense way, and we know Schneider’s a big fan of sex, but I wouldn’t say he’s presented as being unusual with it…just as a guy who likes casual sex and is able to find willing partners.
Schneider does have a proven record of not only gambling but impulsive spending, both bipolar traits. He sees most of his problems as just being different forms of addiction, but that makes sense for him–and I’ve read about people whose bipolar behavior was masked by their addictions until they got sober.
So if we look at him sober, then the question is, does he go through periods of depression and mania that are bad enough it interferes with his life? And I can’t say that I see any major signs of that. He’s weird but has a decent grip on reality, he doesn’t hit patches where he thinks he’s invulnerable and capable of everything, and if he faces major depression, it’s never come up when the show has discussed Penelope’s experience with it.
To me, Schneider just seems like he’s living with ADHD that was never treated, and he’s been an addict since he was very young…and his seriously addictive personality is always looking for new outlets even while he tries to stay sober from drugs and alcohol.
BUT I have to add that I’m bipolar and while my depression looks pretty much like you probably would expect when you think ‘depression’…my mania doesn’t fit the ‘standard’ tells at all. I’ve never had a problem with gambling or shopping. I’ve never had reckless, casual, or unusually frequent sex. I’ve never tried drugs (which is good! because addiction runs in my family) because I’m weird and somehow I always feel much safer in the harshness of reality.
So my mania looks like skipping meals and not needing to sleep and having the most brilliant ideas, all of which will absolutely work out this time, and because I’m not getting any kind of treatment for my ADHD, manic me is the only version of me that’s able to channel my energy into successfully creating anything–it’s like mania balances the unfocused part of my brain. If I can stay mildly manic, I’m actually in a pretty good place…but of course if I had control over it, it wouldn’t be a potentially dangerous disorder.
Point is, is it possible Schneider has a form of bipolar disorder combined with his addictions? Sure, if it presents atypically or is milder than my experience and thus easier for him to function through. It’s definitely possible that he’s always struggled with intense moods and used to ‘treat’ them with drugs and alcohol, and now that he’s sober uses his hobbies and mindfulness to manage them instead. And of course, if we really want to headcanon things outside canon, we could say he’s totally bipolar but on medication for it so he’s fairly stable.
But since you asked me :) I would say he’s got adult ADHD to a highly visible degree, and had an emotionally stunted childhood that left him with a childlike sense of joy towards the world and other people. He doesn’t seem to have the extreme uncontrollable ups and downs that come with bipolar disorder, or the sensory issues and difficulty understanding social situations and people that’s so common for those of us on the autism spectrum.
(Side note: it’s really, really common for people to have bipolar disorder and ADHD, or ADHD while also being autistic, or to be autistic and also bipolar. They all combine a lot, and have overlapping traits, so I’m not sure if maybe those overlapping traits could explain the ways your family member reminds you of Schneider?)
Both those disorders are super important to me though in terms of representation, and if anybody bipolar/autistic has claimed Schneider as one of us, I wouldn’t take that away from them! Because he’s sweet and loyal and he struggles but keeps trying and there are worse role models for people like me.
If anybody does see autistic/bipolar traits in him, I would love to hear the counterargument. I know a few other bipolar people, but don’t know that many people on the autism spectrum, so I could totally be missing things.
#schneider#odaat#one day at a time#autism#adhd#bipolar disorder#autism spectrum disorder#spoilers#long post#meta#mine
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