.

Again, loving up some underloved fandoms here on Ciaossu-Imagines, so throwing out some headcanons I have about The Mighty Ducks characters! I hope anyone familiar with these movies will enjoy them!

Starting with Averman, he’s definitely Jewish. I think he and Goldberg are really good friends because both of them are Jewish. They attended Hebrew school together, their parents are good friends, and honestly they really rely on each other around the holiday season. Neither boy is ashamed of being Jewish or anything, but especially around the time period those movies are set, Hannukah was not as popular or as talked about as Christmas was. And when all your friends are talking about Christmas and their plans and the gifts they’ll get and all the celebrations you hear about are Christianity based, it’s hard not to feel a little left out so both boys’ kind of really like having another friend they can talk to about their Hannukah plans who will get it. Bonus headcanon but I think Averman has a bigger love of hockey and was the one to get Goldberg into the sport.

Hot take on Adam – I don’t think he’s this abused kid trying desperately to please Daddy. I think that while his father might have high expectations for Adam, his father isn’t really abusive. I think a lot of the pressure that Adam feels – and boy, does he feel a lot – is pressure that Adam puts on himself. I do see Adam as having some issues with perfectionism, with being way too hard on himself, and he struggles with anxiety and a need to be perfect but it’s because Adam himself knows that he’s got a lot of talent and he doesn’t want to waste that talent.

Charlie’s actually got a few hidden skills but the one that ends up surprising most people is that, at one point in his life, Charlie got really into magic and he’s pretty good with a couple of tricks, mostly sleight of hand stuff.

Tammy did enjoy playing hockey, I won’t pretend that she didn’t. But I think when it came down to it, she enjoyed figure skating a lot more. There was more pageantry in that sport, more creativity and more glamour in her mind and I think she left the Ducks before the second movie because she really did want to focus on figure skating and competing in that area. She did win several medals, but I think she largely left the sport around the time she started college.

Julie reads…for fun. While she loves being active and has various hobbies and interests, she’s been a life-long bookworm. She learned to read early, and gobbles books up. She normally gets through at least a book a week and does read a wide variety of things, though she has guilty pleasure reading that she’d be embarrassed if anyone found out about, such as romance novels and the Hardy Boys books.

Guy hates carrying change around with him. There’s just something about the weight of it and the clinking sound it makes in his pocket as he walks that drives him insane. He prefers to carry bills for cash and usually lets the salespeople keep his change wherever he goes.

Surprising thing about Goldberg…the boy is not only gifted with a green thumb, but he genuinely likes taking care of his plants. He only got them because his parents wouldn’t let him get a pet…they didn’t think he was responsible enough for a pet so they bought him a rather high-maintenance houseplant to take care of first so that he could prove that he could be responsible for another living thing. Turns out that he enjoyed caring for the plant so much, even giving it a name, that he ended up wanting more plants instead of an actual pet.

Jesse has a tendency to argue just for the sake of arguing. He legitimately enjoys arguments and I have this headcanon that he found the debate club during high school and it’s the most at home he’s felt since playing with the Ducks. Like, those are his people, that’s where he belongs. He gets really involved with debate throughout his high school career and I think he wants to go to law school after graduating.

Terry Hall…still hasn’t gotten the grasp of gum honestly. Not saying the kid is stupid, because he certainly isn’t. It’s just that he cannot, for the life of him, remember that gum is for consistent chewing, not eating, especially if the gum in question is a really fruity, sweet flavour.

I really do think that Karp is someone who is really easy to take advantage of. He gets bullied a lot as a kid and he’s someone who just naturally is the kind of person who really wants to make others happy and to have others like him. He’s a very generous friend but the fact that he’s willing to do almost anything to have his ‘friends’ like him means that he gets put into some pretty brutal situations and gets used throughout his childhood and teen years.

I think Peter’s an army brat, or something along those lines. Something tells me that this kid is someone who moves around a lot throughout his life because of his parent’s careers. He’s used to never staying anywhere really long enough to form completely solid relationships. He’s used to always being the new kid and needing to impress and be tough enough to both make friends and avoid bullies. I also think that while he really would like to settle down in one spot long enough to make serious friendships, the idea of doing so kind of scares him.

Luis taught himself how to juggle when he was a kid. He’s also really skilled at hackeysack.

Connie has the habit of pacing around when she’s deep in thought. There’s just something about moving that helps her think better and if she really has something on her mind, she tends to go running or jogging. The tougher the problem is, the faster and further she tends to go as she loses track of where she is or how far she’s gone.

Dean can burp the alphabet. Forwards and backwards. He’s really quite proud of this.

Fulton’s worst habit? He’s really bad at sitting and staying still for long periods of time and he starts fidgeting when he has to do so. He’ll stretch, move around in his seat a bit, crack his knuckles, but the worst is his leg because he’s definitely one of those guys who bounces his leg when he’s bored or restless, almost aggressively so.

Dwayne really likes to sing. He’s not horrible at it by any means, though a little tone-deaf. He’s a huge fan, because of how he was raised, of any older country, with Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, and Conway Twitty being favourites of his.

Russ has the tendency to get cold really easily. It can come out of nowhere too, with no real reason for him to have a chill or to be cold. He just is. He tends to always carry an extra layer with him as a just in case.

Ken has weird eating habits. He has to eat all of one thing before he can allow himself to eat the next thing on his plate. For example, if he has fries and a burger, he’ll have to eat all the burger before he’ll start eating the fries. He can’t bring himself to mix and match his food and not even he knows why.

Trigun Stampede - Episode 7 - with a title like ‘WOLFWOOD’, I was expecting him to die.

Yet, he is still very much alive at the end of the episode.  He saved the orphanage - cue manga plot line to die.  However, this wasn’t his second showdown with Livio; can’t have him dying just yet can we?

As I’ve said before, and I will continue to say, the technical aspects of this series are top notch.  The smooth fight scenes, the great facial expressions, especially from Meryl in this episode.  Yet, the payoff from the events of this episode ring hollow to me.  But that is continuing on if the payoff is earned or not.  And with all that introduction of the Bad Lads Gang, we don’t even get to see B.D.N. as an older fan, I have to admit that was a disappointment, he was a good villain who added to the character dynamics and helped flesh out Vash’s character early on. But before that, I’ll respond to some comments on last week’s post - I’m always bad about getting back to comments on posts - apologies. ^^;;  One comment was on how Wolfwood and Vash don’t need to become friends since it is Wolfwood’s job to take Vash to Knives.  That is totally correct - however, the ‘98 anime and manga both make it a point that Wolfwood and Vash become friends as it adds to their character development. Wolfwood realizes his guilt and also finds peace with his decisions because he became friends with Vash.  And Vash respected him in both either by literally carrying his cross in the anime in the final showdown with Knives or by using his own life force/span to blow a hole in Knives’ ark just to show him Wolfwood’s dead body on the couch while looking very pissed off.  Either way Wolfwood’s own actions that result in his death spur Vash into action. Another comment was about how I’m guessing this season is 12-13 episodes - I’m going by the fact that a lot of anime now are split into two parts for a single ‘season’ and they pace them out this way e.g. Spy x Family, LOGH:DNT etc.  It just reflects a change in the animation industry instead of the 90s where they would contractually agree with a studio to make seasons that were either 24-26 episodes long in one go or as long as 36-40.  Hence the use of recap and filler episodes, though I personally feel that the original Trigun does not suffer from ‘pointless filler’, it was clever in the story and character development.  I haven’t been gleaning the Japanese sources with much vigor since I’m not that into Trigun Stampede to care that much.  I think a comment on one of posts mentioned it might be a current 9 episodes for this part from Studio Orange.  I care enough about Stampede to give it a college try and watch it but at this point, it won’t hold much re-watch weight when I could go back to the original or read the manga again and enjoy it.

The last comment was similar to the first one, and I agree as well that Wolfwood really is stuck between a rock and a hard place.  He has to suck it up and do what he’s told to prevent other children from the fate he and Livio have come to experience.  There is just so much we can discuss about this and I love hearing back from other people and the different ways to look at things.

Okay, onto episode seven!

The episode starts off with everyone panicking as the Sandsteamer is off course and under attack.  And it is heading straight for Hopeland.  Cue Wolfwood panic even further!  The map labels the Hopeland Orphanage but the dialogue indicates it is also a town.

Which is it Studio Orange?  Honestly, it would have been best to label it as the town of Hopeland and note it has an orphanage through context than making that the key landmark.  It reads oddly.  The original stated that the Church orphanage is located 300 iles from December according to Wolfwood.

Wolfwood has a lot of angst trying to figure out what to do, lashing out at the Bad Lads members and then goes back to fighting Livio while telling Vash to flee.

Again, the fight sequence between Wolfwood and Livio is brutal and the July MPs remark that the two of them are monsters.  It seems that Livio has some sort of built in regeneration system that we can’t see and Wolfwood decides he has no choice but to kill him.

While this is happening, the Bad Lads gang is raiding the Sandsteamer and not really doing that much honestly.  They are doing a hit and run.  No B.D.N. - personal sadness.

Instead of disguising themselves as Bad Lad members, it seems that one of the two of them sweet talked them to spare them to report for an ‘Outlaw’ magazine.  We have Meryl taking pictures of them as they pose during the raid.

Since Meryl is pretty quick witted, I’m guessing she’s the one who came up with the idea and Roberto is just rolling with it based on his  body language.  But hey, they aren’t dead!  That’s a plus.

Then Vash shows up knocking out all sorts of Bad Lads making his way to Roberto and Meryl.

The group briefly chat about why they are there as Vash thought they drove off back towards July on their own.  We have him using his gun as a blunt object along with his robotic arm.  I guess when he ran away from Wolfwood, his goal was to just knock out as many of them as possible?  It is unclear what his objective is other than this is the way the writers have him run into Meryl and Roberto.  This shows off that he’s ‘not human’ according to Roberto and they don’t explain to him that they are still following him either.

He then continues down the hall taking out more Bad Lads with his knock them out strategy.

We do see Vash do this in the ‘98 anime (and in the manga) in the episode ‘Hang Fire’ with his famous terrible song about slaughter and genocide but the crux of that story was him begging a father wanting to kill the man who raped and murdered his daughter not to.  He kicks a freakkin’ rocket grenade with his foot and takes out men with his long colt 45 instead of shooting them.

The action returns to Wolfwood and Livio.  We had more 2D flashbacks about them and Wolfwood is resolved to take him out by insulting him and pretending him like he does care.  Livio gets emotionally stunned and when he goes to shoot him at point blank range, his shot is knocked off course and destroys Zazie’s monitoring insect.

This is where he turns to Vash in shock, since this is one of the few times Vash has fired his gun in the entire series.  Of course it is to protect Wolfwood and Livio.

Vash keeps pushing him to try to find a way to connect with Livio and Wolfwood fights him until he can damage the weird mind control device on Livio’s face.  He pop back into awareness and realizes that Wolfwood is his older brother, Nick and it looks like they might get him.

But all of the brainwashing from the Eye of Michael kicks in and he staggers about pointing his guns at Roberto, Meryl, Vash and Wolfwood . . . before he snaps and shoots himself in the head and falls off the steamer.  Tis a flesh wound.  We know Livio will be back later.

Wolfwood is clearly concerned and looks over the railing and notices a car that he knows is likely Legato and others.  However, he doesn’t share this critical information with others and instead angsting alone for a moment.

It then reveals that Legato is in the mood for some monologue time to state that Wolfwood’s ‘lack of faith’ is an issue and in order to get him to serve Knives better they need to destroy everything he cares about; Livio and the orphanage.

Once Wolfwood no longer has these important connections, it will be no problem to control him.  [sighs] If you say so less nihilistic version of Legato.  In the last episode we already had Legato establish that this version of Wolfwood has a very strong will and attachment to others, he should realize that this likely will backfire on him. 

What is throwing me for a loop is that Legato is the ‘religious’ one in this version.  That was squarely Wolfwood’s thing in the manga and ‘98 anime.  He seems to (based on his dialogue) believe that faith in something is greater than emotions.  Yet, in this episode, we do get some actual anger from him in his voice as well as a more sinister facial expression indicating our bad boy has emotions.

The religious fervor continues with his mannerisms as he decides to force his hand, literally.  If the Bad Lads Gang, Livio and Wolfwood can’t do the job, then he will do it.

This does appear to be very tongue and cheek dialogue from him, but I’m disappointed.  I miss ultra-nihilistic Legato Bluesummers.  He seems to be going through somewhat villain motions, but is missing that sick and twisted edge that made him as creepy as fuck in the original works.  I’m also missing his Knives worship.  We have no indication that he’s a man craving validation from a person he’s obsessed with.  Granted, we didn’t get that early on either, but he made it clear he was there for Knives’ agenda.

What is his ultimate plan?  Trigger the ship’s ion cannon to fire at the city and plow into it as well!  Wow!  I’m sorry, this is again lazy writing.  We are going to have Vash info dump for once, stating that the Sandsteamer is a modified spaceship, it still has it’s ion cannon and it was used to clear large rocks back in the day.  And he knows how to operate parts of it and busts into all sorts of unused rooms.

Oh noes!  We need to make the drama 110%, Vash declares that they have no choice but to try to manually override things.  I would like to note during this entire course of events, Legato is just twiddling his thumbs thinking he’s done the job.  Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched man.

Vash decides he’ll figure out how to mess with the cannon and ask Wolfwood to break into some sort of area to try to manually hold it back?

When we see Vash using the cargo container cranes to pull force on the ion cannon, and the moon in the background, I figured this was the new version of the Fifth Moon in Augusta.  Since we don’t know if Vash can make his angel arm in this version, he’d blow a hole in the Fifth Moon with the ion cannon.

While Vash works on mechanically messing with the canon poor Wolfwood is having a melt down trying to do the impossible. 

Meanwhile, Meryl is in the control room for the ion cannon with the fire lever before her.

Roberto makes his move and tells her it is time to go.  They had a deal to pull out when it was too dangerous.  He found an escape vehicle and orders her to take it.

She looks serious and hesitant.

He reminds her what her job is and that she is not a hero and is just a normal person.  We can tell they are leading up to some sort of confrontation between the junior and senior reporters.

Poor Wolfwood is there pushing on a giant ion cannon losing his mind.  This plot point is bonkers.  I get this is sci fi and that Wolfwood can heal quickly but super strength wasn’t in his background right?  Or not that we’ve seen. 

The conflict boils over when Meryl takes her stand to not be passive or run away!  She calmly says she can’t abandon them and that she doesn’t judge Roberto for running either.

But the events at Jeneora Rock shook her to her core.  She can’t be passive and has been feeling frustrated since those events.  Meryl has guilt for not being able to prevent Tonis from being injured and she sees it as her fault that he lost an arm.

She declares that she’s staying right here in the chance that she’ll be able to make a difference.  Honestly, Roberto doesn’t have much to say back to her and thankfully, he doesn’t.

This entire sequence shows where Studio Orange kills it with her facial expressions.  They are good, incredibly good.  It also further shows that Meryl is also taking on aspects of Milly by caring about others and doing the ‘right’ thing to help out others even if it took her some time to get to this point.  Studio Orange - I give you one point for actual character development for her.

Vash rushes down to help out Wolfwood.  He tells him that he does have something he cares about and Wolfwood pretends to be obtuse while they strain to try to push the ion cannon.

We see it strain his robotic arm which cracks and sizzles with electricity as well.  He’s working it to the max.

This entire scene gives Vash time to talk to Wolfwood as he tries to connect and humanize Wolfwood.  However, the sheer physics of this is crazy.  Even with a special robotic arm, they aren’t going to make that much of a difference. Yet somehow, they are able to nudge it just enough that when it reaches maximum charge, Meryl discharges the cannon.

Based on what happens it appears that the wrapped cargo crane cables and the collapsing of the arms created enough of a counter force that once they hit the ground it was able to pull it back and out of range until the discharge was complete.

I know this is a sci fi series, but the physics of this had me feeling a bit whaaaa?  We’ve been sticking to more logical rules in this series; this was out of place to an extent.  Additionally, Legato, why weren’t you trying to counter them more?  Twiddling your thumbs I presume?  Feeling superior?

Of course the crisis isn’t averted yet!  Now, they need to stop the Steamer from colliding with the town.  Wolfwood wants to blow it up taking himself with it.  He vaguely taps into past Wolfwood’s need to choose the needs of the many as opposed to the needs of the few highlighted in ‘Escape from Pain’.

Yet, Vash gets him to stand down despite his vow that Vash can’t save people without hurting others.

Vash then sends Wolfwood to the engine room and he runs off to the plant room.  This was briefly shown in the last episode, so we know the ship is powered by an individual plant.

Wolfwood becomes Kaite, and using his ability to heal, is able to open the hot pressure release door.  We see all the other men sitting down looking at their hands and hot gloves unable to hold on long enough.

I missed the original plot point with B.D.N and the Sandsteamer.  With the inclusion of Kaite, we see how Vash is able to convince someone to not be hopeless and to make a difference.  It also leveraged the point that Kaite was small enough to climb to reach the release lever and it just takes a normal amount of human force.

It is through this nudging to action part that Vash is able to influence others to act, even when at times we know he’s being passive about the big picture for himself.

Vash then goes to the plant to get it to power down and stop the out of control Sandsteamer.  Like in previous versions, he places his hands on the tank and requests assistance from the plant.

The Sandsteamer comes to a stop just before hitting the town and Legato decides to give up for the moment.  He orders Zazie to retrieve Livio from the desert ground.

A sandstorm then appears, prompting Legato to ask if this is Zazie’s work which they deny.

The sandstorm moves in on the Sandsteamer.  This time we have a real sandstorm as opposed to the one that never happened in episode three and also contrasts with the town that didn’t see wind power twenty-five years ago.  I’m still not over the there is no wind in the desert plot point.

At the end of the episode the gang meets up to realize the only place Vash could be is the plant room.  We see him hand to hand with the plant.  The plants have lost their angelic design and instead look like the aliens from Avatar.  Well sort of - or elves.

Vash turns to look at them and his face reveals the plant markings where in shock Meryl states that Vash is - a plant?

The episode ends with him looking at them before it goes black and he passed out collapsing to the floor.  We have confirmed Vash’s plant identity.  It seems like they were going for the same look of shock Meryl had to the Trigun Maximum manga when he uses his angel arm to deflect a bullet from hitting Meryl and she loses it.

Summary of this episode and some main points:

1.) Our team finally scores a win.  Mark them one point in the W column! This was such a long time coming.  I don’t consider the victory of the Nebraskas to count since it was just a sign of the doom to come.

2.) Wolfwood is at least getting some humanizing points.  He’s been forced into a corner and finally stops to listen to Vash and back him up.  Though it is with some reservations of course. 

3.) Hope does hold out.  It is hope that saved Hopeland.  That is rather heavy handed Studio Orange!  But that is the kinda of don’t worry viewer we will hand feed you the cheese are what you are going for with this series.  And the ion cannon plot point - you know that they have to save the day with the paradoxical pacing in this anime. 

4.) Religious elements in this series utterly baffle me.  I don’t know where they are going with this.  It is clear they didn’t get the original.  I’m still sitting on an ask in my inbox about the religious element to the original series - it will require a longer reply than I have had time to do at the moment but it will come.  Mainly, since the Christian elements can be read multiple ways and it is rather open to interpret in that context depending on your own knowledge of the base material. My main vibe is that by making Legato the religious one it just seems - oddly confusing.  He’s a villain and does not have a moral dilemma that stems from his religious upbringing. I just don’t get why he’s the one reading the bible and going on about faith in some sort of higher power (Knives?) it seems OOC for him. 

Character notes!

1.) Vash - fired his gun to save Livio!  However, the rest of the time he used it to stun Bad Lads.  So booooooo.  What I’m really missing is that Vash is a skilled gunslinger.  We have almost no indication of his skills.  He was able to deflect Wolfwood’s shot and he’s had a few early on, but he’s not giving us his awesome tricks and skills.  That is all being carried by Wolfwood at the moment.  I felt it gave greater weight to Vash’s ability to use his long colt AND manage to not kill someone.  It really made his vow to not kill more obvious in the manga and original anime.  The series is called Trigun and it is about an infamous outlaw with a huge bounty on his head and is known to be an excellent marksman.

2.) B. D. N. or Brilliant Dynamites Neon - doesn’t show up!  Major disappointment!  I was expecting him to get into the mix with a Wolfwood vs. Livio and Vash vs. B. D. N. showdown; no dice. I was excited for that outcome when episode six ended. There was no high stakes gamble on a one to one showdown at the toss of a coin.  Which Yasuhiro Nightow loves characters flipping American quarters and half dollars btw. 

That look from Vash as he emerges from behind the rubble!

His carefully aimed shots that make their mark!

And then how B. D. N. saves him from being crushed by zapping the rock when he realizes how injured Vash is and also saves the day.

The absence of B. D. N. also highlights how Vash impacts the behavior of others for the better.  He always respects them and it shows that people respond to that.  Again, it gives Vash better and stronger arguments for his personal code of conduct.

3.) Meryl and Roberto - Our lone female lead carries her weight!  And is able to contribute to the win for our core group.  She shows character development, thinking of more than just her story and job and looking back on her resume which Roberto threw out the car window.  Is following through on making a difference!  I again think the animation for her facial expressions was top notch here. I don’t know who is in charge of her story boarding for expression but they need to be paid more.  Roberto is a sad sack.  Yet, I guess being a sad sack works in this episode.   He seemed rather passive this episode.  Not sure why.  Where is old and bitter uncle info dump?

4.) Wolfwood - doesn’t die upon saving the orphanage.  We have no idea if he’ll die after showdown number two with Livio.  I was expecting him to die with our episode title, but instead, Stampede leaned into this episode of the Wolfwood Show again.  I know he is a fan favorite and very popular, yet Studio Orange isn’t leveraging his character as much as they could and should be doing.  But since he’s now an atheist, his original guilt is lacking from the anime and manga.  He’s only now using the argument of finding the lowest number of casualties for the greater good.  Which seems late pacing wise and also OOC for him.

Or as my friend Merdopseudo says, he’s not Wolfwood, he’s Fakewood.  I agree that this character is not even close to him from the ‘98 anime or Trigun Maximum. Yet, suddenly, he’s starting to notice that Vash’s idea might work. And is willing to give him a chance - I guess after they stopped the cannon and that Vash got him to confuse Livio.  Those two events are enough for Wolfwood to feel that he owes Vash one and will follow through with his plan to stop the Sandsteamer.  Does it feel earned?  I dunno, maybe if you squint enough.  5.) Legato - got angry and is religious.  Right.  We see him raise his voice and get visibly angry and try to do things himself but at the same time, he doesn’t follow through fully.  Which means you failed man.  What happened to your dedication to sparkle motion? -er- I mean your dedication to the mission of Knives? I am bummed out, I wanted nihilistic Legato.  Was he so confident that he thought he could let things happen without keeping the pressure on Vash and Wolfwood?

6.) Livio - has an unhealthy younger brother relationship with Wolfwood.  He was almost able to snap out of it and it looks like he was brainwashed by Chapel in the very hard to see flashback about his job.  Using the trope of ‘I have to catch up to X character!’ is so over used and I don’t like it being applied to him in particular.  Minus one for generic writing Studio Orange.  Additionally, there is no indication that Razlo the Tri-punisher exists.  We can see that he killed people in the flashback but it is not enough information since it is through Wolfwood’s flashbacks in Trigun Maximum that we first get an indication of Razlo’s existence.  Wolfwood is the one who watches him and notices the disconnect and then doesn’t know what happens when he runs away.

7.) Zazie - present.  We get to see an insect pulled out of their mouth.  Better than a vagina I guess [shrugs].

And with that I’ve hit all the points that struck me.  The episode ends with a sandstorm and Vash collapsing.

I’m going to guess that the sandstorm is generated by the lone remaining Seeds ship that hasn’t crashed to the planet’s surface and that they were tracking events and located Vash there.  They will use the sandstorm to pull the core group onto the ship, Vash will get a new arm from the Doctor. He’ll also meet up with Brad and Luida on the ship.

We only have a few episodes left, but the crazy pacing continues.

Not a real update but a sort of reflection.

It’s been a hell of a year. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten on here to write an update only to become overwhelmed minutes in. Recounting how things got to where they are seems daunting and honestly impossible. It’s been a hell of a year.

It’s been hard. Sometimes it feels as though things have gotten worse instead of better. I don’t know. I suppose if that’s the case it’s understandable given how many traumatic and triggering events have happened since I last wrote in July.

Lately it seems as though I’ve been coming to the same realizations over and over and over again. It’s like I have this profound insight, only to later realize it’s one I had months ago, maybe even years. I think perhaps what’s different is transitioning from knowing things in my mind to applying them in my life. Knowing is different from believing, from embracing, from practicing, from accepting etc. It’s also a different kind of practice to hold onto the truths you fought so hard to come by when things are difficult, especially when they are difficult as the kids say. Things have certainly been difficult.

Having insight into my life isn’t necessarily what’s been challenging. There are certainly core beliefs I’ve had to work incredibly hard to change, that’s true. But it’s not for lack of insight that I’ve remained stuck in a lot of ways.

My therapist and I talk a lot about splits. All the splits that existed growing up, like with my parents and their seemingly perfect exterior while behind closed doors being quite the opposite. I had these splits modeled for me early and I carried them with me into my life as an adult. I still have them. They’re not as stark as they were but they’re still very real, very present. My moments of genuine calm, of integration, of wholeness that are lost when I get triggered beyond a certain point.

That’s what keeps me stuck. And that’s what’s been the focus of my work now, being able to regulate myself when I feel like I’m past the point of regulation. Being able to skillfully bring myself to a place where I can know these truths even if I don’t feel them in the moment. 

I think I give too much weight to the periods of distress I have, somehow believing deep down that those periods are me in my true state and that everything else is simply a facade. 

It makes sense. For my whole life, I was forced to act like everything was going well, so I learned to mask everything. I learned to force down that distress, to ignore it, to abandon myself in service of what others wanted. And now, I think giving so much weight to those periods of distress is because I never want to do that again. It’s as if my holding onto those states is holding on to my younger self. Telling her that I won’t leave her again, that I won’t forget. 

But now the truth is that I am safe. My life, in many ways, is full. It’s pretty good. Even when I’m suffering so much, it's still good. I’m trying to shift my mindset. Letting go of the belief that these distressed states are more real and seeing them for what they are: memories from a past that nearly swallowed me whole. And while doing so reminding my young self that I’m not leaving her there. That I’m not abandoning her. Instead, I am bringing her with me into this beautiful life we have now. 

It reminds me of a quote from someone on here whose name I can’t remember. I can’t abandon the person I used to be so I carry her.

Maybe sometime soon I’ll write bullet points about the concrete things that are going on and where my life is at but for now this is the most real thing I have to say. It’s what feels most true.

Two Meals, Three Years Late

Some good old-fashioned prequel business for Holometabolism. It’s been on my mind for quite some time, and this is the product of that. I also wanted to dive a bit into how my version of Kaneki came to be since, honestly, he’s wildly out of character there.

If you haven’t read Holometabolism, don’t worry! The only thing I really changed that you need to know for this oneshot is that Kaneki and Eto dated during that two-ish week period between Kanou’s lab and the Owl Suppression Operation and unfortunately fell in love. “Exes to Lovers” is a trope I wanted to explore with them.

Cross-posted on AO3, if you want more varied formatting.

Enjoy!

July 20th.

Two and a half months since the Tsukiyama Extermination Operation. Two and a half months since Haise died. Two and a half months since Kaneki dedicated himself to his new path. His true path. His only path, ever since he was born into a world that refused to let him know happiness.

He would be selfish. He would die.

And he would be loved.

But first, he had to deal with the thing sitting across from him.

A grotesque creature in the shape of a woman stirred the straw in her iced coffee, humming a nonsensical tune just to irritate him. She was dressed in a burgundy turtleneck sweater, a long cream skirt, black tights, and navy flats. Her fern colored hair, normally untamed in a wild sort of wolf cut, was tied back into a bun at the base of her neck, but as he looked closer, it was more like the beginning of a bun, and the creature had given up halfway and left it unfinished.

He stared at her as she sampled her iced coffee, his gloved hands curled into fists on the table. The worst part about this, even worse than the factors dragging him through the parlor doors and into his seat, was that she was early for the first time.

July 20th, in this parlor, and at this time.

The traitor. The liar. The king.

Reminiscence. Resignation. Regret.

“I didn’t think you’d show up,” Takatsuki— Eto, now that he knew— commented, sarcastically or otherwise, pulling the thin stretch of silence between them and snapping it. Her fingers dangled over the takoyaki she had ordered, but she didn’t take any.

Kaneki merely scoffed. “It was on a whim. I didn’t do it for you, I—”

“You’re looking for me. I’m aware.” She smiled at him, but it was her fake one: an offensive caricature of the real thing, practiced to perfection. “You want something.”

That was true enough. It wasn’t anything she specifically knew that he was interested in— he had had enough of her despicable lies to last a lifetime— but rather what she was. She was the One-Eyed Owl, the founder of Aogiri, and his ticket into Cochlea. If he could get Furuta assigned to his investigation, Kaneki could put his last job in motion and put her in her place. See how she liked being strung along for once.

“I actually have a proposal I think you’ll like.” Eto leaned closer now, close enough that he could plainly see the ridges of her irises.

He glared into them, as if he could pierce them and pry them apart with only his mind. And he knew that she knew; she always did. He hated it.

“Now that we’re both ‘out in the open’, so to speak, let’s promise not to lie to each other any more, hm?”

That creepy sort of grin on her face, the kind that made you feel like you were being picked apart under a microscope, or the kind that was too rigid to be real, was gone. In its place was the smile he liked the least: the one that once made his stomach flip, because it made him believe he meant anything to her.

“And what makes you think I’ll agree?” he asked, and she took a moment to pop one of the takoyaki balls into her mouth with a toothpick.

“You’re as tired of our games as I am.” Her chewing was grating on his ears, not to mention the stench. “So I figured—”

“Swallow.”

She only laughed. “Focusing on the wrong things as always, dear. It’s a little frustrating sometimes.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Oh, but you are frustrating.” She stabbed another takoyaki ball before she had even finished the first, and waved it in front of him. Nauseating. “For all your smarts, you know surprisingly little.”

He scoffed again. “I know everything I need.”

“No you don’t.” She sipped her drink. “You basically know nothing.”

“And you don’t?” As soon as he said it, he regretted it. Of course Eto knew more.

She glanced up, that scrutinizing smile back on her face. “What do you know about the investigation of the Non-Killing Owl?”

Kaneki’s eyes narrowed. She wanted something, that much was clear. Unfortunately, the only way to learn what that something was was to play her game. But what if it was a trap? He was an Assistant Special Investigator now, and he wasn’t ignorant to the whispers about the Black Reaper.

She might want something in return, like his knowledge of CCG affairs, then use it for Aogiri’s benefit. Not that he particularly cared, but any moves she made without his knowing could be problematic.

“I’m here to help you,” she claimed, reading his mind as if nothing had changed. As if saying it aloud would make it true. “Because I like you.”

“You don’t know the meaning of the word,” he spat.

She giggled and set her drink aside, lacing her fingers together. That was how he knew she was listening. “Isn’t it nice to tell the truth? To cut out the fat and get what you want? You’re in such a rush these days.”

He squinted at her, but she had a point. The sooner, the better. He had no way of knowing when Hinami was going to be disposed of; once the Tree was gone, she would be too.

Fine.

“An investigation determined that the Non-Killing Owl was hiding at Anteiku,” he answered her previous question.

Eto didn’t miss a beat. “After he appeared once, in the 11th ward, nine months prior?”

He paused to consider. Kuzen hadn’t made a single move in ten years, when he received his wound from Arima. And then, he suddenly infiltrated the 11th ward, where Aogiri was.

Where Kaneki was.

Then, the Owl Suppression Operation was—

“Kaneki.”

Eto’s voice, soft enough to kill, jolted him out of his thoughts. And the way she was looking at him— Concern? Disgust?— the image of the king in his head wasn’t supposed to look like that.

“Anteiku liked to keep its head down. Let the dice fall where they were.”

“They valued peace,” he countered, meeting her challenge.

“They valued complacency,” she fired back, the bite he was familiar with back in her tone. “Survival, if I’m being generous. There’s a difference.”

“It’s better than what Aogiri does.” Troublemakers, other ghouls had called them. Pot stirrers who achieved little more than inconveniencing the masses. Meaningless.

Eto arched her brow, and he saw disappointment flash across her face. Good. “Answer me this, then: is gagging on poison every day ‘peace’? Is experiencing unending nausea, just for the sake of not being seen, ‘peace’?” She pushed her plate of takoyaki aside. “If you ask me, it just seems unfair. Cowardly, even. Take your barista friend, for example— the Kirishima girl. She ate human food, right?”

How did she—

“Ayato let it slip once.” For once, she revealed her source. “And how did that work for her? She became weak; you and I both know she wouldn’t have survived the Operation.”

Kaneki glared, but said nothing. Eto couldn’t possibly understand Touka, not when she could freely partake in human food as a natural hybrid. She couldn’t possibly know the drive required to gag down human food for the sake of experiencing a microcosm of a normal life as a ghoul.

“You know better than anyone that to protect someone, you need strength. Who was she protecting by forcing trash through her system? By making such dramatic concessions at the cost of her wellbeing?” She ate the last takoyaki ball and swallowed. “Who really wins in the end?”

She waited for a response, but only got silence in return. Because Kaneki knew she was right. It wasn’t fair for Touka— or any ghoul, really— to have to hide their true selves from everyone else. It wasn’t fair to have to be hurt in order to live and die, to simulate living a cushy, privileged life like a human.

Eto tilted her head, studying him for one reason or another. “Hey, are you free tonight?”

Lost in his own thoughts, Kaneki slipped and made a mistake. “What do you want?”

“There’s something I want to show you.” It was that terrible smile again.

It was fine; accompanying her was a part of being able to predict what she would do next. “What is it?”

That was all.

“Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise, would I?” She chuckled and stood up. “If you’re coming, then I’ll see you at the Children’s Forest. It’s rather empty at night.”

She was talking about the one in the 20th ward. The Nerima Children’s Forest. It was an intentional callback to that night. She had helped him, in hindsight; there weren’t a lot of Doves standing in his way as he fought his way toward Anteiku.

And the look she had given him that night. Restraint. Desire. A thousand words unsaid. It was like looking in a mirror, thinking back on it.

“Bring your mask,” Eto said, turning toward the door. “And a change of clothes.”

Kaneki furrowed his brow, but he filed the information away anyway. He watched her leave, and when she passed the window by their booth, she glanced at him through the glass and smirked.

It was only then that he realized she hadn’t paid for her food.

—

Kaneki found her beneath a tree, on a swing made of her kagune, with her legs dangling just above the ground in her bandaged attire. She’d acquired a new burgundy cloak to use, after she’d left him her old one atop the Lunatic Eclipse.

“You actually showed up,” was the first thing she said, and he couldn’t read her expression behind her mask. “Interesting choice of attire.”

He didn’t have much in the way of clothing— it seemed so meaningless, given his plans— but he did manage to throw together dark gray shorts, a pair of old sneakers Haise got for his birthday, and a black sweater with the cuffs cut off. And, of course, Uta’s mask.

“Here.” Eto tossed a cloak at him. “To blend in.”

Kaneki caught it and examined the fabric. “This is Aogiri’s,” he said.

She nodded. “Follow me.”

His eyes narrowed, but he did so. She was taking him to one of the bases, he figured that much. But for what reason? What did she have to gain from showing him, an investigator, something like that? Was this an ambush? Was she going to try to kill him here?

… No. No, she wouldn’t. If she did, she’d have done so at the top of that building. She let him win. There was no situation in which he took down the One-Eyed Owl by himself, especially when on Haise’s favorite RC suppressants.

What was her goal?

She led him out of the forest and into the abandoned part of the city, then scaled a building with practiced ease. He followed, using his kagune to follow.

“You’re so messy,” she commented when he reached the top, glancing at the broken cement left in his wake.

“You’re one to talk,” he muttered back, remembering how she wrote directly on her books for annotations and folded their pages for bookmarks. ‘Personalization’, she called it.

Eto giggled, and continued onward, with Kaneki not far behind.

As they leapt from building to building, he noticed something. They kept passing Aogiri bases the CCG had already cleaned out. The CCG was really efficient when it wanted to be, he thought, as he watched Eto slow down.

She stopped in front of a rusted iron door situated atop the cracked foundation of its building.

“We’re here,” she announced. “Play nice, okay?”

She took his silence as agreement, and led him inside. There, he saw— ghouls. Aogiri ghouls, with their masks off. But not the foot soldiers he was used to seeing. These were families. Parents and children. Civilians.

Eto led him through the hallways of this old place, the only source of light being flickering troffers in need of a bulb change. Few of them looked up, but the ones that did occasionally recognized him.

“Eyepatch…”

“Is that…?”

“The Eyepatch ghoul?”

Kaneki tried to keep to himself and ignore the whispers, following Eto without a word. But every turn they made, there were more whispers, more civilians, more ghouls with gaunt faces that couldn’t stand up to a single Rank 3 investigator. In other words, weak. In other words, helpless.

Eto stopped in front of a certain ghoul, one in front of a small stack of coolers, presumably filled with food. “Hey,” she said.

They turned and saw her. “M-Ms. Eto? What’re you doing here?”

“I heard there were some liars hiding here.”

They hung their head. “Y-Yes… Some of the guards got fed up with the situation and have started killing civilians here. We’ve managed to track their location, but the Doves might already be aware of them…”

Kaneki grimaced against the leather of his mask. Ghouls who killed indiscriminately were the scum of the earth. But ‘started’? Did Aogiri have a policy against hunting human civilians?

Eto tapped her chin, thinking for a moment. “Tatara’s already made preparations for refugees on the main base. Make sure everyone’s packed in case the Doves do come. Leave behind anyone who fights them.”

“And the traitors?” the ghoul asked.

“Me and him will take care of them.” She turned her head toward Kaneki, and he knew she was smiling. “They can’t be allowed to roam free.”

He met her gaze for a brief moment before nodding at the ghoul.

They warily nodded back. “Alright, I’ll let the others know. But… just you two?”

“He’s actually quite strong.” As if to make her point, she rapped her knuckles on his arm. Kaneki was grateful his mask was covering his face. “Nice and solid.”

The ghoul swallowed, but gave the location of the traitors, then went to spread the news. Eto sighed once they were out of earshot.

“Shall we?”

—

The traitors were small fry compared to the likes of them. Eto and Kaneki made short work of them, hardly a scratch to regenerate by the end of it. The pair of them now sat atop the building, a fresh pile of corpses between them to sample.

“It’s too bad there were no Doves,” Eto said, ripping an arm off a corpse in one clean motion. “Could’ve been useful to feed the others.”

“I thought you said we shouldn’t lie to each other,” Kaneki replied, tearing open one of the backs and exposing its withering kakuhou. “You don’t actually care about them, do you?”

She chuckled. “It’s true I don’t particularly care for idiots, but they’re a part of my organization. It’s my responsibility to look out for them, especially when they can’t do it themselves. Whether or not I like it is irrelevant.”

She reached up with her other hand to pull off the bandages wrapped around her face. As she did, her hair fell over her shoulders in large clumps to frame her face.

He stared a bit longer than he should before chowing down. Though he was now used to the rotten taste of the meat, it still took some amount of willpower not to gag on reflex.

“Does Aogiri only sustain itself on investigators?” he asked, wiping blood from his mouth.

“We do our best,” she answered, rolling a finger between her teeth. “You already know most of our recruits are outed ghouls. It’s a good method of policing their eating habits. There are, of course, hiccups in the system, but it typically keeps the members focused on our actual targets.”

He hummed, then asked the question weighing on his mind for years now. “Was Yamori a ‘hiccup’, then?”

She paused and swallowed. “Oh, right. I forgot about him.”

He waited for her to continue, watching how she raised her thumb to her lips and sucked on the blood there. She was attractive like that, in a twisted sort of way, and he hated himself for thinking it.

“He was disobedient, and a coward,” she stated. “He got too comfortable within the confines of his own little world, and he died for it. He was a weakling who thought breaking his toys made him strong.”

It was the answer Kaneki was afraid of most.

“… I see,” was all he said.

The rest of the meal was spent in silence, besides the sounds of chewing, swallowing, and the screams of his own thoughts. When they were done, Eto took him back to the Aogiri hideout and reported a successful eradication to the one watching over it.

Then, like how lightning flashes for only a moment, she was gone, and Kaneki was left alone.

There was a full moon tonight, isolated due to the light pollution of the city. Kaneki stared up at it from an opening in the building. Offhandedly, he wondered how the moon would look with stars accompanying it, and if it would be beautiful. But to wonder about what could not be was meaningless.

He remembered certain words, heard so long ago now, from someone who was likely dead.

(“This world is wrong, and it’s you monsters that are distorting it!”)

That wasn’t right. He knew that much. Ghoul, human— both descriptors were useless when addressing the term ‘monster’. Monsters were not born: they were created. And environments created more than any womb.

(“If the world is wrong, then it’s because it’s being distorted by everything inside it.”)

That wasn’t right either. These kids, these families… Were they distorting the world? If they were, it was because they wanted to keep on living. Then, was the desire to live the same as the desire to sin? Life was a series of taking and being taken from, in unpredictable amounts— he was intimately familiar with the concept— but was that inherently wrong?

He glanced about the hideout, knowing that Eto was somewhere watching him, even if he couldn’t see her.

She was Sen Takatsuki. She wrote with vagueness, hidden strength, and unbridled rage for the only world she would ever exist in. Whenever her work was discussed, there were always multiple conflicting interpretations, like branches of a tree infinitely extending and splitting and extending again. She encouraged the spread of knowledge and thought, no matter how strange it was, so long as it was free.

Kaneki observed one of the families— two children and their father— sharing meat. It wasn’t even a full human body; at best, it was about as much as an arm or a leg. He watched the father, a gaunt and skinny man, split the meat in half and give it to both the children. And yet he was smiling.

A world for ghouls… A world where they didn’t have to suffer unending nausea just to blend in, just to turn eyes away from them. A world where the thin tightrope so many of them walked was instead a comfortable floor to roam about. A world where there was peace. Where there was freedom.

That was Aogiri’s goal.

That was Eto’s goal.

(…)

He shook his head. It was pointless to think about it now, to regret the choices he had made to finally reach this conclusion. He had already made his decision; he couldn’t afford to get distracted by petty things beyond his control.

Yet, after he left the hideout, when he felt her eyes on his back, he paused. How was she looking at him, he wondered.

He tried to imagine her. Her small form that barely came up to his shoulders. Her pale face, which, once, was ghosted by a shade of pink the one time he dared to pick something off her cheek. Her verdant eyes, sparkling mysteriously whenever they pointed in his direction. And her hair, so shockingly soft and voluminous, much like the pages she filled with words.

And the more he imagined her, the more difficult it became to think that such a person— the one person as scorned by the world as him, the one person who really looked at him— could ever not value life. Not value purpose. Not value peace, no matter how bloody the road to it became.

Because deep down, Kaneki wished for peace as well.

And it made him shudder.

— End

Thanks for reading!!

“You need serious therapy.”

My friend and I were having a conversation yesterday, {July 24th, 2023} about the… somewhat risqué behavior I have been indulging in since the beginning of 2023 and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen so much worry on someone’s face before. She tells me that she’s worried about me and I brush it off because, quite frankly, I don’t see a problem in promiscuity but I am starting to realize a few things about myself and I can see why she would worry about me.

I was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder at a pretty early age, 12 or 13 years old. My mother was a pill addict around the time I was diagnosed and I took it upon myself to eat the entire cocktail of pills she had in an ibuprofen bottle. I overdosed in 7th grade I remember that. My mom immediately used me overdosing as an excuse to stop trying to keep her life together and to stop taking care of her children. She wasn’t really the greatest but all my friends thought she was nice. I recognized in kindergarten that she would only talk to me when she was intoxicated and she only talked to me about things that you really shouldn’t talk to a six year old child about. She had a rough childhood and I was an, overly friendly, I guess? 6 year old child and she says that she told me those things so that they would not happen to me. But I think that even if that is the case, she made me more curious about sex than I should have been at that age and she talked about sex way to openly with me.

When I was in first grade my mother was babysitting a boy around my age and we got caught doing stuff together one day. He didn’t get punished but I had to stay in my room and nobody was allowed to come upstairs to my apartment to hangout with me until after the boys mom came to pick him up. My mother pulled me down to the bench that was right in the middle of the apartments courtyard after the kid that she was babysitting left, and she made me tell all the neighbors {mostly children but two or three adults} what made me want to have sex. I didn’t know how to answer her and even at that age I was a little confused as to why I had to tell a group of people what made me horny so I said I got goosebumps on my privates that made me horny.

This all has created a new problem in my dating life in the past two years but I have taken things to a new extreme this year and I’m just so numb to the whole experience of trying to build a genuine connection with someone that I have gotten to a point where i don’t want a genuine connection. Relationships are hard and break ups hurt, I want someone that I can wake up everyday with to make breakfast and coffee before the kids wake up so we can have “mom and dad time” but that kind of commitment scares people off who aren’t ready for that kind of commitment and I “fall in love” way to fast for people to change their minds on me all of a sudden. And by “fall in love” i mean I fall in love with my ideas of who someone is then once they aren’t the guy in my delusion I stop talking to them all of a sudden out of the blue.

So I have learned to have intercourse without having to have a deeper connection with people, random strangers on the internet is usually my go to then for our first and most likely last dates I like to suggest hiking Or spontaneous trips to the beach where there isn’t many people and that is why my friend said that I need serious Therapy. Not only is she worried about me ending up dead in the redwood trees but she also pointed out the fact that the way to my heart is not through my vagina and I can’t just keep screwing people on the first date then wondering why I can’t find somebody who wants to be with me for a long time when I stop talking to them because I start to get bored.

Izroulia bonus chapter

This is a little bonus backstory that I couldn’t really fit into the actual book. It goes a little deeper into Aries’ parents and Momo.

July 1st 1990

“Lana shut the fuck up, are you kidding?”

“Nope! I’m pregnant, MOMO I’M HAVING A BABY!”

Screaming in joy, the best friends leapt into each other’s arms and squeezed each other in a tight hug. Lana wasn’t exactly actively trying for a baby, but she and Cynthus had decided that if it happened, then it happened and they’d roll with it. But something about it actually happening made it seem so much more exiting and joyful. It was much too early to tell the sex of the baby, but Lana didn’t care what her kid was. She just wanted a healthy and happy child.

“I better get to be the cool god mother” Momo said.

“Duh, that’s why I’m here. To tell you you’re going to be the godmother. If for some reason me and Cynth are out of action you’re the next of kin” Lana replied.

“That I can do. Holy shit Lana you’re having a freaking KID!”

“I KNOW!”

The siren was already thinking of names, nursery ideas, looking for patterns to make baby clothes. And her fiancé was already out getting wood to make a custom crib with. They were thinking a sailor themed nursery, perfect fit for a siren. So a crib shaped like a little boat? That’s be the cutest thing ever.

“Did Cynthus have a heart attack?” Momo snickered.

“In a good way yes, you should have seen that absolute baby. Literally sobbing he was so exited” Lana replied.

“Seems like deep down he really did want that baby”

“I think he did, hey got his wish. 10 weeks in”

Momo still wasn’t in a relationship, and she didn’t really feel the need for one right now. Not when she was going to be on full time baby helping for her two best friends soon anyway. She was overjoyed for them, she’d known Lana since highschool and Cynthus joined the group only about a year later. They’d all be so close, Momo didn’t mind being the third wheel because they all got along so well and were genuinely such deep friends.

“Any names or too early?” Momo asked.

“A few. Rhiannon, Tessa, Lux for a girl. Maybe Lucian or Atantic for a boy. But honestly I have a soft spot for gender neutral names” Lana explained.

“You know how they say mothers can tell the gender before the baby is born? Maybe that’s why. Maybe they’ll end up both” Momo joked.

Oh how ironic that joke would end up in the years to come…

“Haha, maybe. I don’t really have any guy feelings but then again, it’s early. But for androgynous names there’s Fawn… or maybe Aries” Lana said.

“Ooh Aries is good” Momo replied.

“Cynthus did the math, they’ll be born in Aries season so he thought it’d be a good candidate”

“It is, I say Aries. Or maybe Rhiannon if it’s a girl”

There was so much to do. Get all the supplies, tell the family, pick a name, go to all the check ups, build the nursery… but even with all the work and pregnancy symptoms to deal with. Lana was still practically jumping out of her skin. She was going to be a mother, and the father was the love of her life. And the godmother? Her best friend. She felt like absolutely nothing could stop her, being her down or wipe away her smile.

July 1st 1991

“Everything is in the crib, we didn’t have much time so it’s a bit if a mess. But it’s all there… everything you need to raise a baby” Cynthus said, a numbness in his voice.

“Cynth there has to be someth-“ Momo said.

“There isn’t… it’s too dangerous to take a newborn through a portal. Let alone an unstable one. If things work we will be back… promise”

Momo looks over at Lana, clutching the sleeping baby to her chest, sobbing her eyes out. It’d only been 4 months. 4 months with her baby, and now she has no choice but to say goodbye. She knew Momo would take care of her child, but she’d gone through 9 months of pregnancy and excitement waiting for the day she got to meet her baby. And after all that… only 4 months together.

But she had no choice. At the rate Merfolk wee being killed, it was either run or die. And a newborn just can’t go through an unstable portal… it’d kill them instantly.

Cynthus turned to his fiancé, tears in his eyes as he pulled her and his baby into a hug. He wanted to scream, but he tried to keep it together for Lanas sake. He placed a kiss on the babies cheek, threatening to break down.

“Daddy will be back ok? I promise…” he said.

Lana took a breath, she look one more look at her baby and kissed their forehead.

“Be good for mama Momo ok? I love you guppy, I’ll come back one day. I promise” she sniffled.

With tears in her eyes, Momo took the sleeping child, and pleaded with her gaze at her best friends to stay. She knew they couldn’t, but she wanted them to stay so bad. If Agnemetra didn’t cease the throne… this never would have happened.

“Momo, I love you. Take care of my baby” Lana said.

“I will… I promise” Momo replied.

The group hugged one last time, and hardly able to keep it together Lana and Cynthus got into their car and pulled out of the driveway to the portal centre. Hoping that if they were lucky, they could get out with their lives.

Momo took the baby inside, on the table was a basket of supplies. Bottles, clothes, formula, pacifiers. Next to the table the handmade crib with the rest of the supplies. She needed to set up, she had a baby to care for now.

She wrapped the child up in a sling, so she could keep them close and move stuff around at the same time. She packed all the supplies into her cupboards, and pushed the crib into her room next to her bed. She set up the mobile of sea creates she gifted to the parents at the baby shower, put the blankets with little fish and anchors on it over the mattress. And she placed the sleeping baby in their crib.

They had Lana’s black hair, Cynthus pale skin and blue eyes. A true mix of their parents. All warm and cosy in a knitted onesie, something Lana made while she was in the late stages of pregnancy and couldn’t move around as easy. Hanging off the railing of the crib was a necklace chain that held the family signet ring for the child to wear when they were older.

The boat shaped crib was pained red and navy, had a little life raft and sail on it. Where the name of the boat would be, was the name of the child.

Aries Nautica.

Momo sat on her bed, looking down at the baby who was completely unaware the danger they were in and how painful this was for their parents. Momo had a sinking feeling she may never see her best friends again, and now she had to take care of their child.

Aries would always be Lana and Cynthus’ child. But right now… Aries was her child too.

Aries was the only thing she’d have left of Lana and Cynthus… and every day they were alive in Izroulia, their life was in danger because they were born to two sirens.

Momo sighed, and everything just broke.

All she could do was cry.

Thor: Love and Thunder

Director: Taika Waititi

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Christian Bale, Natalie Portman, Tessa Thompson, Taika Waititi

Release Date: July 8, 2022

My Rating: 8/10 (you gotta go in expecting a fun, silly superhero movie. If you don’t take it too seriously, you’ll love it!)

My Review (no spoilers):

This movie was just as goofy and silly as Thor: Ragnarok. Let me say that straight out of the gate. I’ve seen people saying that this movie made a mockery out of Thor? No. I’d argue that the goddamn Russo brothers did that with Fat Thor in Endgame. This movie very quickly gets rid of that character nonsense and puts Thor back on his path from Endgame...shows him dealing with the realistic outcomes (on his personal life) of Infinity War and Endgame. If anything, it’s a little less silly than Ragnarok, as it has some heavier darker scenes and moments as well. It also provides a nice littel redemption arc for Jane Foster, who I loved in the original Thor, and who they RUINED in Thor: The Dark World when they reduced her to a mere damsel in distress after she spent the first movie being a realistic scientific badass.

Finally, a Marvel movie with strong and clear themes and narratives. he themes result in an ending that FELT RIGHT, narratively. Too often nowadays, the ending of movies are so crazy and out of left field, just for shock value. This ending felt right and you could feel it coming towards the end but it was still asatisfying surprise when the movie ended like it did.Thematicallyy and naratively, this story and its ending just. made. sense. The motivations and the actions of the characters? Also made sense.

Speaking of the characters? Loved ‘em. Let’s talk about the ladies first.

I wish Valkyrie could’ve gotten more screen time but I also kind of get why she didn’t...the pacing of this movie is pretty straightforward, and I’m not sure how much more we could focus on her without making the movie longer or taking it in a different direction. While I wish we had more of her, what we got of her was still great. I’m so happy they brought Natalie Portman back, and I think that they handled her character very well. Natalie Portman herself didn’t really want to come back unless there was a good story...Jane Foster’s story in this movie was 1) good enough for Natalie Portman (meaning it’s good enough for me) and 2) sends Jane on her merry way, so that viewers aren’t stuck wondering what ever happened to her. So I’m really happy with how they handled her.

Now onto the gentlemen. I don’t care if people think Thor was a joke in this movie. I’ve been a Thor fan since 2011. For the longest time, he was my favorite Avenger. I’ve loved every Thor movie, even The Dark World. I, like the majority of MCU fans, loved Ragnarok. I liked the fun character turn that Thor got. This movie just expands upon that. I don’t want to go into it further less I spoil it. But just like how Ragnarok was about Thor coming into his own power and realizing he’s strong enough and fit to lead but also that his own power comes from within himself, not from his hammer? There’s a similiar thing going on in this movie.

AND GORR!!! Oh my goodness. This movie reminded me why I had a Christian Bale obsession back in junior high school. I saw a review during the early release of this movie that Gorr was one of the best Marvel villains and honestly? I wholeheartedly agree. Gorr made me feel genuine anxiety and fear for the ‘good guys’ that I haven’t fealt since Thanos. And while Thanos’s endgoal might have been worse (he wanted to kill 50% of EVERYTHING, Gorr just wants to kill all the gods), Gorr’s motive and backstory was a lot more believable and sincere. Gorr felt more genuinely (at his core) motivated than Thanos and the explanation at the beginning of the movie as to why Gorr is the way that he is? He almost had me agreeing with him. His actions, in his mind, are actually helping people. So not only is Gorr an outstanding villain on paper, but on SCREEN he was breathtaking. Christian Bale delivered. I feel like sometimes, these big-name actors will be in Marvel movies and then they don’t even get to perform to their full potential (Kurt Russell as Ego, for example). But Christian Bale really killed it in this role and I’m so happy he was a part of the movie.

So yeah, I really enjoyed the movie, and I’m not going to let anyone else steal my joy. I think I still like Ragnarok a bit better, but this was a fun pick-me-up from Marvel that was sorely needed. The second act of the movie is freaking awesome. Zeus? Who I forgot was going to be in this movie? Amazing. The humor was just like Ragnarok. Visually, this movie was absolutely stunning. The two postcredit scenes were great. One wrapped something up really nicely, and the other got me excited about Thor’s future. 

I really, really, liked this movie. Stop taking Marvel too seriously and just go watch it for simple enjoyment. It’s fun and if you don’t have fun watching it, you’re watching it wrong.

Hot & Cold - Chapter 2

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40818159/chapters/102279033

Relationship: Mungrove aka Eddie Munson/Billy Hargrove

Summary:  Eddie awakes in the Upside Down with a stranger. He doesn't know his  face, or his name, but the universe has appointed him a savior he never  thought to ask for.

CW: Vampire!Eddie, Pyrokinetic!Billy

Words: 3.3k

Slowly, a demodog wandered out from the trees. It bumped its snout against the trunk of a tree, curious, before continuing to walk closer to them. Billy shoved Eddie’s hand out of the way and took a step forward, vigilant. The demodog stopped a few feet away, making a low growling sound before sniffing the air.

“Is it...blind?” Eddie whispered, tilting his head. He hadn’t had much interaction with the hellish creatures down here outside of the bats.

“They all are. They use their nose and ears to track prey.” Billy answered, voice equally soft as he rounded the creature. The demodog growled once more, face rippling like it was considering baring its teeth. Eddie watched with a racing heart as Billy got close, raising the axe.

A distant howl sounded and the demodog knocked its face into his knee, taking off in a jog. Billy fell back on his ass with a grunt, whipping his head around to watch it disappear into the darkness.

“What the hell?” Billy muttered. “This place has been all kinds of wrong since I found you.”

“Wrong? How?” Eddie frowned, offering his hand to the other to help him up. Surprisingly, Billy took it, but he shook it off the moment he was standing.

“Those things never miss an opportunity to take a bite at me. Recently it’s like they have no drive to even attack.” Billy squinted into the distance and exhaled heavily out of his nose. “Come on. Let’s keep going.”

“How long have you been down here, exactly?” Eddie asked, dreading the answer.

“What’s the date topside?”

“Last I checked, March twenty seventh.”

“March...twenty seventh?” Billy paused in his stride, licking his lips. “Huh. Almost my birthday. Though, it probably already passed up there.”

“Oh. That’s cool. I guess.” Eddie pursed his lips, attempting to pat his shoulder but Billy moved it away. “Uh, Happy Birthday then.”

“To think I spent my first year of adulthood in this place. Just my luck.” Billy muttered, continuing on.

“Wait, you’ve been here a year?”

“I died...July? Early July. There was...fireworks. The kind you can only get during that time of the year.” Billy seemed to be missing parts of his memory, or perhaps they were fuzzy, because he spoke cryptically, with a hesitant uncertainty to his voice. “So it would have been almost nine months. I never would have guessed, considering there’s no indicating of night or day here.”

“How long was I out for? After you found me.”

“Hard to say. I slept three times before you woke up the first.”

“And the second?”

“Two sleeps. Then you stayed asleep for...four sleeps. I honestly thought you had died that time. You were cold, but everything down here is.” Billy admitted with a shrug. “So I was planning on cleaning up your body...burying you.”

“Well...thanks for not eating me.”

“What?” Billy turned to him in shock. “Why would I eat you?”

“I mean...it’s like survival 101.” Eddie’s ears burned at the judgement in his tone, feeling stupid about his sort-of-not-a-joke-joke. “Cannibalism.”

“I wasn’t going to cannibalize you.” Billy wrinkled his nose in revulsion. “Even I’m not that fucked up.”

“Well...Thank you regardless for not doing that.”

“Would you have eaten me if I died?” Billy asked, suddenly interested and Eddie remained silent. “Oh my God, why did I even ask? If you wouldn’t before, you definitely would now.”

“I don’t know you very well and I’m not above doing that to survive.” Eddie quickly defended and Billy barked a laugh.

“You’re fucking feral, critter.”

“It’s like Lord of the Flies, okay? You do some heinous shit to survive being stranded.”

“That entire book was about how everything they did was unethical due to their already instilled privilege of being elite, and assuming they should all be leaders because of that, or falling into a sheep’s mentality when given an authority figure.” Billy scoffed. “The author even said that the moral was that society should depend on the ethical nature of each individual and not on a government however logical or respectable it seems to be.”

“...Okay, nerd.” Eddie stifled a snort at the affronted look on Billy’s face.

“I’m not a nerd. I had to write an essay on it back in like, freshman year, alright?”

“Yeah...Honestly I skimmed my friends essay on Lord of the Flies, so I never actually read it.”

“Honestly, it’s not amazing. It’s gratuitous at best. The subject could have been handled better.”

“Okay, now you’re talking like an actual nerd.”

“I’m not-” Billy cut himself off and licked his lips, huffing out a sigh. “What do you do then, huh? You probably flunked high school.”

“Ouch.” Eddie stage-whispered. “You’re not wrong. I’m army crawling my way into a third attempt at graduating.”

“Oh, so you’re an actual idiot.” He mocked his previous words and Eddie scowled.

“Hey, fuck you, man. Not everyone can just sit down and read Lord of the Flies.”

“Did you try?” Billy drawled.

“I did.” Eddie readjusted the bag on his shoulder. “I made it through three pages before I cracked the shits.”

“Couldn’t focus?”

“I can’t read.” Eddie bit out.

“How can you not read?” Billy furrowed his brows.

“My Uncle says I have...‘word blindness’.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Means reading is a lot harder for me, okay?” He huffed, hunching in on himself. He didn’t like telling people, it made him feel stupider than he already was, but it was better than this guy thinking he was genuinely illiterate at twenty years old.

“Oh.” Billy frowned. “That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“...Sorry.” Billy rotated his axe in his hand at the awkward silence.

“School isn’t my thing anyway. I’m mostly just in it for my friends, my club, the drama class.”

“Drama. Didn’t expect it, but it fits, I guess.” Billy looked him over. “What club are you in?”

“Hellfire.”

“That explains nothing.” Billy deadpanned. “What do you do in this club?”

“We play Dungeons and Dragons.”

“That fantasy game with all the dice and fake monsters that only virgins play?”

“Okay, that virgin comment wasn’t necessary.”

“Am I wrong?” Billy quirked a brow, challenging him to disagree.

“Yes.” Eddie said with emphasis. “I’m twenty, man, of course I’m not a virgin.”

“You look like one.” Billy murmured under his breath.

“Well, I’m not.” Eddie was not going to prove himself to this asshole. They delved into silence as they walked, their mutual anxiety having dimmed during their conversation. “...You know, I don’t remember you, weirdly enough. I mean, I like to think I have decent memory, you know, but I don’t...You had to be in school with me, right? Your face is at least familiar now that you’re not a faceless serial killer to me. Middle school maybe?”

“Faceless serial...? Whatever. I was only there for a year. I’m not a local in Hawkins.” Billy seemed disgruntled despite his answer. “But I like to think I made my mark.”

“Wait.” Eddie halted in his steps and Billy huffed, turning back to look at him.

“Yes?”

“You...you said you went missing - uh, died - in July? Last year?”

“Took you long enough.” Billy drawled, closing his eyes with a sigh. “Yeah. It’s me.”

“You’re one of the people who died in that mall fire?” Billy opened his eyes and furrowed his brows.

“Mall fire?”

“Oh, it was like...a whole thing. Starcourt, it went up in flames.” Eddie made a gesture with his hand. “Wait, if you’re alive, is everyone who got caught in it alive too?”

“No.” Billy pursed his lips. “Trust me, that was the first thing I did when I got here. Was look for people, look for Heath...” He caught himself, looking away. “There’s no one here except those monsters, not even that...shadow.” His gaze grew flinty, expression withdrawn as he glared off into the distance where the red sky thundered. “There’s a house, whats left of a house, but I never dared get too close. It’s different from the rest of this place. An even worse kind of different from this end of things. If there’s anything I trust, it’s my gut. Ignoring it has gotten me into enough trouble as it is.”

He rubbed at his chest, as if there was an ache there, and dropped his hand to keep walking.

“Vecna’s house.” Eddie realized. “You never went there?”

“I had enough trouble leaving my own hide out until recently. Like I was going to approach some ominous, falling apart mansion.” Billy scoffed. “And Vecna? I kept hearing whispers about him from topside - which is terrifying by the way, I thought I was going insane until you told me your name.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Only real clue that I wasn’t completely delusional. But I didn’t get much information on who the fuck Vecna is. Just that you guys couldn’t decided on a fucking name for the bastard.”

“So you could hear us too. Like Dustin.” Eddie felt the start of an awed grin on his lips but quickly tapered it down to answer the original question. “And Vecna, he’s- uh, he’s got like three names? Like, Henry was his name when he was a kid, I think, and then he became One in a lab like this other chick Eleven - El? That they kept going on about; she had mind powers? But we called him Vecna originally because of the campaign I was hosting, and he was similar, it’s...” He shrugged, blowing out a heavy breath. “It’s a lot. I didn’t really get half of it. I’m probably the least informed of the group, honestly.”

“El?” That caught his attention. “Max’s friend?”

“You know Max?” Eddie asked, jogging up to him to close the distance that had occurred during his rambling explanation.

“She’s my sister.” Billy squinted at him. “Do you really not know who I am?”

“You’re Red’s brother?!” Eddie’s volume rose without his consent and Billy slapped a hand over his mouth, looking around.

“No, please, get us killed, why don’t you?” Eddie smacked his hand off him.

“Hargrove?” It clicked the longer he stared at him. His hair was darker and curls undone from time and grime, skin paler, scars countless, but it was fucking him. Undeniably, even in the dim Upside Down. How had Eddie missed it? To be fair, he hadn’t know him outside of rolling his eyes on occasion at him and his gaggle of preppy jocks. Tommy had been their messenger when it came to weed, but he only mentioning him by name in the few transactions they had on Billy’s behalf  offhandedly.

Overall, Billy Hargrove had been less of a nuisance to him than fucking Steve Harrington, even if that unfortunately-cool-as-hell-now butthead had forgotten his passing jabs at him and his friends, or the way he egged on Tommy’s antics.

“Congrats. You know my name.” Billy tucked his overgrown fringe behind his ear. “Yeah. Billy Hargrove.”

“Holy shit, dude.” It was surreal, seeing him in the flesh. “Red is gonna...well, she’s gonna feel something, knowing you’re alive.” He wasn’t sure how she’d react, but it could be anywhere between screaming, crying or possible violence considering she was one cool but scary girl according to Dustin.

“She’s not gonna know.” That made Eddie double take.

“What do you mean ‘she’s not gonna know’?”

“What I said.” Billy said, voice low. “She’s not gonna know I’m alive.”

“Why not?” Eddie almost tripped over another vine and righted himself, taken off guard. “Look, I don’t have any siblings of my own, and I don’t know what your relationship was like, but aren’t you like...suppose to reunite with your family after almost dying?”

“Look, Eddie, I’ve had a long time to think about my life. You get all the time in the world down here.” Billy assured with a distant look in his eyes. “I’ve lived my whole life trying to survive the shit hand I was given by whatever motherfucker is in the sky. Mad Max? She doesn’t need me. She never has. She has more guts than anyone I know, including myself. So yeah, I’m gonna stay dead.”

He raised his axe and slashed a overhanging branch out of their path with more flare than necessary, off kilter in his own bubbling self-loathing that always turned to anger.

“So what? You’ll get out of here and just leave?” Eddie was flabbergasted by the very notion. “What’s to stop me from telling her?” Eddie challenged and flinched when Billy reached back and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down that last inch to really look into his stormy blue eyes.

“You owe me.” Billy reminded, voice dangerous. “I kept you alive at the expense of myself. You should be fucking grateful. So unless you wanna be in my debt for life, I suggest when you get back up there, you tell them you did it all by yourself. Capiche?”

Eddie swallowed hard.

“Capiche, man. You’re six feet under, no doubt about it.” Billy let him go with his agreement made and sighed out through his nose.

“I’m glad we have a mutual understanding, critter.” He gave a false grin and ruffled Eddie’s frankly disgusting hair, half shoving his head as he waltzed back onto their path. Eddie grumbled and brushed his hair back, following after him.

“You were way nicer when I was dying.” He muttered bitterly.

“Like I said. You start getting lonely. Start going a little stir crazy.”

“I bet you’re a big softie under that cold exterior.” Eddie nudged him with his elbow, giving him a supercilious smile.

“My exterior is quite warm, thanks.” A flame danced over the fingers of his free hand and Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Show off.”

“Shut up, we’re almost at the lake.” Billy elbowed him back harder, wiping his nose with a sniff and Eddie grunted, holding his side. His wounds were gone, but he had always bruised like a peach, alright?

Eddie was able to hold off his urge to talk long enough for the trees to clear, different topics bouncing around his head until they vanished at the sight before him.

“Billy, what do you think that is?” He pointed ahead of them. Billy didn’t answer. “Was that here last time you came for water?”

“...I’m not answering that.”

“Okay, okay, so...” Eddie put his hands together and took in a deep breath, placing his pointer fingers to his lips. “You mean to tell me you didn’t notice the giant gate that ripped through half of the fucking lake?!”

He screeched, shaking his fists furiously as he spun around and kicked at nothing, the spike of frustration threatening to implode his insides if he didn’t shake it out of his skin. He rubbed his hands down his face and let out an unintelligible yell into the sky.

“In my defense, everything has been trying to kill me since I arrived.” Billy pointed out, clear aggravation in his tone. “So no, I didn’t approach the pulsing, glowing, crack in the earth!” He gestured over to the gate ahead of them that spanned across the lake and into the distant woods west of them. Eddie tongued his upper lip as he placed both hands on his hips, looking into the foggy distance before he looked back at Billy with annoyance.

“How long has it been there?”

“Since I found you.”

“And you didn’t think to mention it when we were talking about gates?” Eddie’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead, tilting his head, encouraging Billy to say something stupid again.

“No, I didn’t.” Billy monotoned. “You though I was going to throw myself into a pool of what looks like fucking lava?”

“I could have been in an actual hospital who knows how long ago!”

“Oh yeah, because a hospital, full of people with injuries and blood, would have been a good place for you to be, huh? A place that could really help you with your problem, right?”

They glared at each other, lips thin and refusing to let the other have this win. Eventually, Eddie threw his hands up in surrender, shaking his head as he turned away.

“Okay, okay, I’ll you have that one, but I want you to know that I think you’re idiot.” Eddie quipped, making his way towards the gate with haste.

“I’m the idiot?” Billy scoffed, jogging after him this time. “You flunked high school twice!” Billy jabbed his finger into his back and Eddie gasped.

“I told you that in confidence!” Eddie cried back, voice shrill.

“Bullshit. There is no confidentiality here.” Billy gestured between them with a sharp flick of his wrist. “I don’t fucking know you.”

“Ouch. I thought we were making leeway, Hargrove.”

“Don’t call me fucking Hargrove.” Billy said in disgust. “It’s just fuckin’ Billy, okay?”

“Okay, Just Fuckin’ Billy.” Eddie kept his eyes on him as he bowed, gesturing to the portal. “Ladies first.”

“You’re making it really tempting to hit you right now.” Billy growled, knuckles white around his axe as he approached the gate. His face was illuminated by the orange glow and he turned to Eddie. With a swift kick, he knocked the jester into the mud with a yelp. “’Ladies first’, fucking bullshit.” He muttered and went to jump in feet first before Eddie let out a cry.

“Wait, wait!” He waved his hands around wildly.

“What?!”

“It’s a water gate!” Eddie scrambled up onto his feet, peering over the lip of the gate. “And, I mean, it’s upside down.”

“Can you talk like a normal fucking person for two seconds, instead of riddles?” Billy was not amused.

“What I’m trying to say, is that you can’t just step in.” Eddie adjusted his jacket with a huff. “You have to dive.”

“Okay. I know how to swim. I was a lifeguard.”

“I...am not the strongest swimmer.” Eddie bit his lip. “I mean, I can, but also...I don’t know if I could take the extra weight.” He gestured to the bag on his shoulder. “And you’re planning to swim with an axe.”

“I can swim with an axe.” Billy decreed like he had done so before. Which Eddie fucking doubted.

“Can you? I did kind of use you like a blood bag earlier.”

“Well, you’re obviously feeling just dandy after your snack.” Billy’s lips twisted into a vindictive, charming smile and shoved the axe into Eddie’s chest. “Vampire’s are supposed to be strong, right? If you can’t carry it, drop it, but give it a shot, critter.”

With that, he dived into the gate.

“Dude!” Eddie yelled after him, stomping his foot with a groan. “Why do they always do this to me? Jesus fucking- argh!” He dropped the duffel bag and unzipped it, squeezing the weapon into it. At least his hands would be free. He considered his layers and evidentially discarded them. They weren’t favorites of his, and he doubted he’d die from hypothermia when, well...He seemed to naturally run colder now. With only his torn up Hellfire shirt, ripped jeans and shoes on now, he slipped each strap over his arms like a backpack and took a deep breath, blowing it out quick and shaking his hands. He couldn’t remember what happened to his bandanna, now that he thought about it, and though he mourned it, he could always buy another.

“Okay. Okay, you got this. You haven’t drowned since you were like, ten.” He stared at the gate with pursed lips.

“You also didn’t swim again for several years after.” He ran his hands through his hair and groaned, jumping when he heard a shriek in the distance. He stared out into the woods and shook his head quickly.

“Yeah, no, water is better than here.”

With one last breath in, he attempted a dive that was more of a fall and sunk through the gate with a cut off yelp.

*  knowing  your  partner  well  can  potentially  make  writing  a  lot  easier,  

name:     Ripley

pronouns:     They/Them

preference  of  communication:      Discord! I never clicked well with IMs on this site so as long as we’re mutuals, feel free to poke me for my handle 👌

name  of  muse(s):     My primary main four at the moment are Hayato, Byleth, Ferdinand, and Granté! I’m thinking about switching Balthus to request only since my muse for him is low but still there, and I’ll be adding some more soon enough.

experience / how  long  ( months / years ? ):     As of July of this year, I’ll have been RP’ing on this site for 10 years. All the way back when ask blogs were the main thing before there was a shift that happened soon after what the FUCK!!! I was about to start my senior year of high school what do you mean I’ve been on here for 10 years and it’s been 10 years since then. Time isn’t real.

best  experience:     Honestly, I’ve had so many that I can’t name a single one. I’ve just had so many genuinely good experiences through the occasional bump in the road that it’s all kind of... elevated to the same sort of “this makes this hobby worth it” status.

rp  pet  peeves / deal  breakers:     NGL I’m a pretty chill person. Just respect my boundaries and don’t try to force me to RP a ship or smut or be sexual with my muses 24/7. I once had a 30+ year old vague me on twitter because I told them to stop and drop it because they were making me uncomfortable by LITERALLY making everything into a ship/sexual scenario even at the most inappropriate of times. Like dude. You’re older than me and acting like THIS??? Okay. Thankfully I never actually RPed with them I was literally in the planning phase and I can say I dodged a bullet there by cutting things off early. But yeah, that’s the main one. Just overall be respectful and don’t be a weirdo (not the good kind lol).

muse  preferences  fluff,  angst,  or  smut:     Angst I have to be in a good space for and I usually don’t like having “angst just because/for nothing.” It’s part of why I don’t feel like writing Ferdinand aligned with Byleth in Azure Moon or Silver Snow. For him, it’s angst without any form of catharsis in the end. Fluff is good! I’s good to have more casual interactions for first interactions to get a feel for things and even just have more casual, easy-going things going on since you can still get good interactions and character interactions out of them, but I typically like stuff with more going on with them. Like, Hayato’s good for espionage, horror, mystery, and action plots (general weirdness too), Byleth is VERY good for action and general weirdness, and Ferdinand is excellent for politically-themed threads and mystery, and Granté lends himself well for exploration, mystery, and even some action. Smut is available ONLY with my ship partners (who are people I trust) and even then, it’s not something I “need”. Even then, I would rather do it off the dashboard and keep it private.

long  or  short  replies:     It depends on my overall energy level. “Short” for me is three to four paragraphs, or keeping things contained to a paragraph for dashboard commenting stuff and short-lived interactions that are for “just because” reasons. I do like long replies, though. I REALLY like getting into things.

best  time  to  write:     For me, afternoons leaning into evening/night. I’m simply way more active at night in particular.

From Serge Silberman

Paris, 6 July 1973

Dearest Luis, Firstly, please forgive me for not writing by hand. But I think you will understand my writing more easily this way.

See what you’ve reduced me to! Working and doing my own typing.

Despite what I said in my telegram, I’ve not been able to write until today. I did get your telegram meanwhile. It confirms my fears. That is, you seem very stressed.

Let’s talk seriously now. I would never oblige you by force. I’ve never done that, not psychologically… nor physically. No human has that right over another. What’s more, it’s not in my nature. I have a genuine fear of meddling in other peoples’ affairs. I’d never let anyone do that to me.

Now that I’ve spoken about me, let’s speak a bit about you. I may have no right to do this, but I’m assuming the right as I consider myself, honestly and sincerely, your friend.

1) Try to forget that I’m a film producer.

2) I don’t care about the film, even less so now. I really don’t care! And I said as much to Gustavo Alatriste, who came to visit me in Paris a few days ago. And I said the same thing the day before yesterday to José Luis Barros when he phoned me from Madrid.

3) The only thing I care about now is your health and, and most of all, your well-being.

4) I think it is completely unreasonable not to see one or two specialists and not to trust them, especially when you have a very good surgeon to hand, who is also, and above all, a friend.

5) I think it’s unreasonable to refuse, in a fit of pique or depression or on principle, or maybe even to prove to yourself and your friends that you can still be stubborn, that you are still reckless (or perhaps just, plainly and simply, to annoy them and spite your own nose…); to refuse – as I say – to recover as soon as possible and restore yourself to your formidable former state, mentally, in the first instance, and then physically, or vice versa if that’s possible.

6) I think you are behaving like a child. Or a bit like a prima donna. Or perhaps it’s just your contrary nature, with a touch of supposed humour, tainted black.

7) I hope it is not just laziness!

8) I assure you that before long, we will all be laughing about this and teasing you a bit about your behaviour. Because you are actually in fine physical shape (in spite of the little niggles). It is your spirits, mainly, that are not doing so well.

9) I say (I SHOUT): BE CAREFUL… Don’t retreat into your shell or shut yourself up voluntarily in a prison of your own making.

10) If you do decide once and for all to stay in Mexico until mid or late September, I suggest I send Jean-Claude over there in August.

11) Jean-Claude’s visit, even revising the final version of the script, would not commit you to anything.

12) I, on the other hand, do commit myself to accept your decision over the dates (should there be any dates).

13) I am, therefore, putting in this same envelope a letter of commitment on my part.

14) I apologize for the tone and shape of my previous telegram. I think that we get anxious mostly (exclusively perhaps) for our friends, with our friends, and because of our friends.

15) As for Jean-Claude, please don’t refuse his visit. I’ve had problems because he planned to work with you from the end of June. So, when I got back from Mexico, he had to change everything around, which wasn’t easy, to free himself up from everything else so as to be able to work with you from the end of July to the end of August, or early September.

16) This would also allow me to get to Mexico for a week in August, as I too get bored.

17) I met up with Gustavo Alatriste and his wife in Paris. I had lunch with them at Fouquet’s (on the terrace, very nice). He used all his charm on me. He said he was fond of me because of you. He’s very intelligent, and despite his talent for business, he can be very human at times. He has called me three times from Madrid since then. He’s leaving for Mexico today. I was very touched, because he seems to adore you.

18) In any event, and if it won’t annoy you, I shall come to Mexico for two or three days or perhaps a little longer, from Los Angeles, where I have to be. But I wouldn’t do this without making sure beforehand that this will not cause you any stress. If not, it would be a pleasure for me.

[Serge]

PS Re. the letter from Greenwich Film Productions of 28 June 1973). In relation to shooting dates, we’ll sign by mutual agreement according to the state of your health and your decision. If possible, we could specify before the end of 1973 or perhaps early 1974.

In terms of the author’s rights, experience has taught us that 20 years is too little time.

We’d need to extend this, although as you are interested in 10 % of the profits, this would probably not be a problem for you.

Jo Evans & Breixo Viejo, Luis Buñuel: A Life in Letters

I posted 32 times in 2022

That's 23 more posts than 2021!

25 posts created (78%)

7 posts reblogged (22%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@readingfanficismyhobby

@sasukelluar

@greenistheboy

@babysitterpng

@henderdads

I tagged 31 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things 4 - 22 posts

#stranger things - 20 posts

#st4 spoilers - 15 posts

#st4 vol2 - 13 posts

#steve harrington - 9 posts

#eddie munson - 8 posts

#dustin henderson - 6 posts

#st4 theory - 6 posts

#she hulk - 4 posts

#nancy wheeler - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#it’s just the most random fic ever and it somehow saved me from the abyss of steddie fanfic

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Anyone ever think about how in season 1 of stranger things Joyce was the only one to “sense” Will in the Upside Down, and then her and Jonathan could sense each other in the final episode?

Well I do, because in season 4 Steve was the one to sense Dustin. Which means they’re as close as a mother and child. Excuse me while I go sob in the corner.

I’m sure there’s a good mom Steve wordplay in here somewhere but I’m not articulate enough for that.

17 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#4

I just had this awesome stranger things 4 volume two theory!!! Credit goes to @.dizay on tiktok for pointing this out.

So in the tiktok the user points out that in the D&D game in the first episode Dustin couldn’t beat Vecna when he rolled an ELEVEN. This foreshadows El being unable to beat Vecna alone, just like Brenner said. But at the same time as the D&D game is being played, Lucas wins the basketball game at the last second by scoring the winning shot. Guess what number he is? EIGHT!!! THIS could foreshadow Eight, aka Kali, coming to El’s rescue near the end.

Imagine this: El has just lost against Vecna, and a majority of not all of the cast have been captured and/or killed by Vecna. Vecna is making his victory speech that we hear in the trailer, and as he’s about to finish El off, the striking blow goes THROUGH her! He, along with the audience, realizes this was an illusion and that everyone is getting away!

Having Kali come back would be EPIC! I’ve always wondered what else the Duffer brothers were going to do with her, especially because she appeared only in season two and was never mentioned again. They’ve proven with clock noises throughout the series that there has been a plan this whole time, so I don’t think they’d introduce Kali just to further El’s arc in season two. I think they WANTED us to forget about her, so when she comes in and saves the day it’s even more amazing! This theory is supported by the fact that Kali was referred to briefly by Vecna during El’s time at the lab, and I don’t think she’s ever been mentioned before this outside of season 2.

Even if this theory is totally wrong, I still believe Kali will be back! Lucas getting the winning shot could be foreshadowing Kali’s triumphant return next season instead of this season. Who knows honestly, this show is so good at getting you thinking you know what’s up and then it turns out you actually don’t. Can’t wait for volume 2!!!

19 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#3

I don’t think I’ve heard anyone talk about this, but has anyone seen that one clip of Eddie and Dustin together back to back?

I was rewatching the vol 2 sneak peak and I realized that Eddie is holding Steve’s nail bat!! This is so cute, I bet there was this whole scene where Steve is telling Eddie to protect Dustin for him, since he’ll be doing something else. And Steve gives Eddie the bat like a good luck charm.

Ugh I’m just so excited to see them again.

23 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

#2

Major spoilers for st4 vol 2!!!!

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Okay, so I know it’s a little early for this but I have some predictions about season 5:

- In the last Dustin has always been very insistent about solving mysteries related to the upside down. However Dustin’s face when he saw the upside down particles leads me to believe the trauma from Eddie’s death will affect his confidence. He looked absolutely terrified when he noticed the particles. This is foreshadowed by Steve and Eddie’s comments about “getting his ego in check”, which will happen but not in the way anyone would want it to. So in season 5 Dustin will have an arc that revolves around Eddie’s death and regaining his confidence.

- Max’s almost-death in vol 2 felt absolutely BRUTAL. But I don’t think the Duffers would have left her alive if they didn’t intend on bringing her back somehow. We heard from Brenner that when Vecna kills, he takes everything that a person is and absorbs it. This makes me believe that the reason Max isn’t waking up and El couldn’t find her is because her soul and memories are will Vecna. I think there will be an arc next season about rescuing Max, but I don’t know how.

- at the end of season 5 there was a very dramatic scene where you can see a HUGE gate to the upside down. It’s kind of hard to ignore, so I think maybe the rest of the world will find out about the alternate dimension.

- The supposed timeskip is the most confusing part of season 5. The Duffer brothers confirmed that there will be a timeskip of 2-3 years between seasons 4 and 5, but I’m not entirely sure how that will work. I think that maybe Hawkins will be ground zero for a war between humans and Vecna with his monsters. Nancy described him having an army, so this would line up.

I’m ready to be completely proven wrong when season 5 info starts releasing, but I just had to get these thoughts out.

24 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Honestly I think episode 8 of she hulk was just amazing, even without daredevils appearance. The suspense building from the moment Matt left Jen’s house was palpable. There was a drastic tonal shift from that point to the end of the episode that I think was amazingly executed especially considering the genre of the show is comedy.

I wasn’t expecting for the video to be released as revenge porn, but honestly I’m so here for it. It’s an issue that many women unfortunately have to face. The idea of having a video like that recorded without your knowledge or consent is jarring enough, let alone it being released in front of your colleagues, family, and friends at an event you were supposed to get an award for. And then of course Jen is viewed as the “bad guy” for reacting strongly at the release of this video. But its nice to see that this very real issue is being directly confronted. I’m excited to see how the show ends, and I look forward to Jen being even more badass.

(And while I’m on the subject, the talks about getting Jen’s blood for something was a brilliant misdirect. The blood will probably still play a factor in the finale but it successfully distracted me from a plot twist.)

This show has been amazing to watch as a whole, not just this episode, because it’s explicitly stated and shown the issues women face every day from episode 1 in the very first scene (where Jen had to deal with that asshole who thought he knew better). In fact, it even called out the types of misogynistic men who exist today during the brief social media scene in episode 2 I think. Here’s to hoping future marvel projects show similar traits!

33 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

survey #006

“vanity is never modest”

Whose was the last person’s birthday that you celebrated? What’d you do? Well, the most recent important bday in my life was my niece's, but I needed to stay home from the party and felt like shit about it. I had a bad health scare the day before and was finally recovering with desperately-needed sleep, and I just really, really didn't think it as smart to go to a loud birthday party with excited kids and a crowded house. Aubree thankfully seemed to understand; I at least did call her, and she seemed very happy. As for the last birthday I *did* something for, it would actually be Aubree's mother's literally two days prior, when we went out to eat Mexican. What’s the next major holiday that you’ll be celebrating? With who? How? HA, I do NOT consider this shit a "major holiday" esp. lately, but I guess I'll just use July 4th for this question since I'm actually doing something, though early. Girt invited me over to his place w/ the family for burgers and hotdogs, and that's all I know atm. I have no idea if they're doing any fireworks; I remember Girt doesn't like them for some reason (I'm curious, I should actually ask) and I don't support their usage anymore, so I would hope not, honestly. What’s the last moldy or expired food you found in your fridge or pantry? I don't know, but probably some sort of bread. I think a bagel, actually. What’s your favorite flavor milkshake? Eh, I get different ones depending on the place and what I'm in the mood for, but both the classic chocolate as well as vanilla shake are always strong contenders. Are you opposed to getting married? Are you already married? No, I want to get married one day. Are your parents divorced? If so, when did it happen? My dad by definition abandoned the household when I was I want to say 17. I hated his fucking guts for years, but I eventually reached out and apologized for terrible things I'd said and the general way I acted, and wanted to rebuild our relationship because what happened between he and Mom was none of my business, and I could not spite a person who simply pursued their own happiness. I am 99% sure his voice shook on the phone, and my dad is NOT emotional. I have seen this man with a tear in his eye ONCE, after he came home and talked about his mother's funeral. My dad had never stopped caring (Ashley and Nicole always told me he'd ask about me when they'd meet up and stuff), and to this day, the hate-ridden letter I wrote my father before we reconnected is one of my biggest regrets. I don't know how he so willingly forgave me and never once brought up my shitty behavior. Still hasn't. I know VERY VERY VERY DAMN WELL my mother is always going to hate us kids having a relationship with him, but oh well. He wanted happiness, and he got it. He was an angry alcoholic that only healed after the divorce, so shit, I'm glad it happened. Have you ever attended a bachelorette party? No. Would you rather act in a play or write a play? Write. I'm a very shy actress, honestly. What do you take pictures of most often? My cat, haha. Have you ever actually been a member of a wedding party before? Yeah, I was a bridesmaid for my sister's wedding. I was ABSOLUTELY miserable, though; this was still in the time period where I very, very much was not recovering from my breakup, so I cried a lot, mostly upstairs by myself where Ashley got ready. I have no idea if I'm related to this and am too scared to ask, but even Ash wasn't happy with her wedding. Have you ever gotten your period more than once in a month? Yep. I even once had one that lasted like two fucking weeks lkjadskfadaw Are you currently binge-watching any television shows? No. I hate binge-watching TV, I will eventually get very bored, even if I like the show. What’s the smallest animal that you’re afraid of? Ticks. Are you a fan of Harry Styles? I know absolutely nothing about him other than I think he's the One Direction singer?? I've never heard any of their music except I think that one that was insanely popular many years ago. Would you or have you ever visited a black sand beach? That is literally a honeymoon idea I have, haha. I know I want to one day, AND a pink sand one. <3 Do you put salt on your watermelon or do you prefer it plain, or not at all? I'm actually not a big watermelon fan. It's just too watery and never as sweet as I'd like it to be. June is Pride Month. What's your sexuality and gender identity? I'm a pansexual cis female. Have you ever found a four leaf clover? We actually had a patch of them at our old house. What month is your birthday in? February. What's something you have a lot of knowledge in? Meerkats top the list. If I know anything, I know them, lol. I don't consider myself an absolute expert, like I haven't properly studied them, but they've been a relentless obsession since I first saw Meerkat Manor and HAD to keep watching to know if Shakespeare made it, and I've taken every opportunity to read new reports and stuff on them. I just love them. Are you afraid of insects? Some. Have you seen a butterfly here recently? Hm, I actually don't think so. What's something you are bad at? Loving things in moderation askdjfalkwejfj;LJASKDLJFADhelp What's your favorite meat or meat alternative? Chicken, I think. What has been one of the best years of your life so far? 2017. Weird to say when the year literally started with a suicide attempt. Things can change, I promise, and fast. When did you last take cough syrup or a cough drop? A few weeks back when I had that cold. What was your last argument about? It was really an... argument, but Girt and I butted heads recently about a part of his personality I learned that I am not happy about. I have never in my life seen him angry, but apparently when he is, he's capable of being pretty mean. Now I want to IMMEDIATELY say that this is not in an "oh you mean abusive?" way, because no. He can just have a big, hard head and be rude and belittling in things he says. That's not the Girt I know, at all. He reassured me I'd never seen it because he doesn't let his attitude come out on people he loves, but I didn't care, cried anyway. We talked about it and it ended fine, him even saying he was thankful we could *have* these conversations and that I believed him perfectly capable to be a better person. Would you say you're photogenic? holy mother mary NO, do not point a camera at me. Does your place of residence have a skylight? Hell no hunny, we poor. Who did you last hug? My mom; she was starting to cry a bit over something. What room are you currently in? The spare one. What last made you cry or made you sad? My PTSD got pretty fired up a couple nights ago. Have you ever mowed your own lawn? No. Have you ever had a surprise birthday party? Well, no and yes. I think this might be the first time I talk about this in detail, but basically, my 16th birthday is one of my most memorable, but not for good reason. I don't talk about it because I don't want to sound all needy and like I think the world revolves around me, but the whole day just... wasn't a birthday, or at least what they had been up to my "sweet sixteen." I felt incredibly unloved for many reasons that I just don't want to elaborate on. My mom found out how I felt at the end of the day, when I broke the absolute hell down. It's strange, this particular part I don't remember that well; I can't recall how she reacted or anything. I just know I cried. So time-jump to... somebody's birthday, I think Nicole's, and Mom came out of the kitchen with an extra cake for me, singing "happy birthday." While of course I was appreciative, I remember feeling awful again for like, taking away from someone else's special day. This whole ordeal I just don't talk about. Do you like surprises? If they're good ones, only sometimes. My stomach gets upset when I'm nervous for any reason, so knowing a surprise is coming is not my favorite sensation. Necessities aside... what’s something you could not live without? The Internet, honestly. After being without a computer for two months and desperately hanging onto the Internet over my phone, I could NOT imagine never touching it again, period. Have you ever received a gift you did not like and told the person who gave it to you? Jesus Christ, no! That is so incredibly rude. They could have given you nothing. What are 5 things you are thankful for? All my loved ones, basic necessities, animals, music, aaaand of course the Internet lmao. How do you feel about giving your partner your passwords? Eh, depends on why and to what, I think. I don't have a strong opinion here, honestly. There are reasons it could be good, but also reasons it could be bad. Are you afraid of what’s in the ocean? Not horribly so; I'm more fascinated than anything, but I mean sure, the thought of the sheer size of some of the things that MUST be in there in absolute blackness is kinda scary. I already think giant squid are nightmare fuel. Do you think there are people who are capable of doing magic? No. When was the last time you visited a museum, if ever? WOW, the last time I went to a museum was years ago when my brother and his young son visited; we went to the local art + science one. That was a fun day, Christian had a blast. I would love to see them again, especially now that Bobby's married with a second son that only Mom has met. Would you ever own a horse, or have you? Horses are far more suited to be adequately cared for by others than me, so no. I adore horses, everything I know about them, but I do know they are incredibly hard work, and I'm not cut out for it. I never want an animal that is out of my ability to provide for. What is your favorite memory related to rain? Ugh. I read this and immediately knew the answer, and I hate it. When Jason and I were getting to know each other, there was one day after exams at school where he came down to the computer lab to hang out with me, and on our way back from lunch, we were Bad Kids and went outside to listen to the rain and chat under the overhang by the door. We wondered what the smell of rain was called and looked it up when we got inside. It's petrichor. Especially the early memories with him are some of the purest times in my life, both of us experiencing what pure infatuation with another person was. I hate that I kinda wanna just keep elaborating, but I really shouldn't, so moving on. Do you ever experience sensory overload? Gotta be honest, I don't know *exactly* what qualifies as sensory overload other than the very obvious "all my senses are exploding." I can DEFINITELY get very overwhelmed with too much noise, but I think that's normal? And does it *have* to be all senses at once? Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong? Nah, especially not as I get older. Have you ever written a love letter? I have, multiple times. Do you have a hard time making up your mind? You would not fucking BELIEVE how hard it can be for me to make up my mind. I get total choice paralysis remarkably easy, even on the most simple things. What color are the shoes you wear the most? They're just black flipflops. Would you rather have whiskers or claws like a cat? OHHHHH give a bitch claws What’s something you have a strong opinion on? Especially with recent events, abortion. Simply to humor myself, I've actually watched my FB friends list number as I've bombarded my feed with pro-choice stuff, and I was oddly pleased and humored to see it drop one at one point lmao is that weird??? Like right now all I want on there is to make my shitty "obligated to be on my list" pro-life family uncomfortable + mad. Like bitch, be mad. Because so am I. I don't give a rat's ass if it's mean, if you value a fetus more than a grown-ass complex human being, I want you offended by what I post. Do you prefer driving, riding shotgun, or being in the backseat while on the road? SHOTGUN & CONTROLLING THE MUSIC, AHHHHHHHHH If you ever played Mario Kart, what character did you always choose to play as? I was always Luigi, my Main Man Do you believe that Bigfoot is real? *shrug* I absolutely believe sasquatches existed once upon a time, but I find it kinda doubtful that they could still exist and not be caught and officially documented yet. Simultaneously however, if you know JUST how many sightings there have been, it makes ya wonder. Do you like to learn about different cultures? I do. Do you know anyone or have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? I don't think so, no. My younger sister was badly bitten by a domestic dog, though. Big ol' German shepherd. If I remember right, she still has the scars. Loves dogs to death still, btw, including shepherds. What do you normally daydream about? My future with my boyfriend, more than anything. Have you ever seen a tornado? Thank the sky and every fucking star in the galaxy that I have not because I would shit myself. I am deathly petrified of tornadoes. What was the last thing you apologized for? I don't know, actually. Do you know anyone or do you practice witchcraft? I think I mentioned in a recent survey that my sister Misty considers herself to be a witch and does some stuff. What makes you feel powerful? That's not really something I experience. What was your last coffee order? I don't like or drink coffee. If you had to wear a crown, what would you want it to look like? Ohhh something dark with barbed wire incorporated in it if it wouldn't poke my head all the time, haha. What was the last thing to scare you? GUUUUUUUUUUYS I do not know how to explain the dream I was having, but I DEADASS nearly dove off my fucking bed this morning as if I was going into water. Arms properly positioned and all. I woke up like mid-way hanging off the bed wondering what the fuck is wrong with me lmao Do you have to sleep with a blanket to sleep well? Yes. Have you ever had a peach smoothie? Hm, I don't think so. I would try it. What’s the last song you sang out loud? I'm pretty sure it was Ozzy's new "Patient No. 9." Do you own any sundresses? No; I feel like I've only owned one in my whole life, this REALLY cute one I had in high school that was primarily white but with a pattern of purple and black skulls, I want to say? Have you done any deep cleaning recently? No, but I do need to dust my room. Do you like reading people's survey answers? I read my friends', yes. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No, but I would love to. Is there a light on in the room you’re in? No, but I have the blinds open so I don't really need artificial light. Have you ever been to a car show? No, I'm not at all into cars. Do you like grocery shopping? Not at all. Perhaps the best thing that came out of Covid was grocery pick-up becoming a thing, lmao. Have you ever been in a play? I remember when I was very young in Sunday school, I played Mother Mary for something. It wasn't like, a real play, just a mock one. Nevertheless, imagine getting a very young girl who didn't even want to be there to pretend she was supernaturally raped, gg guys. Do you have a large or small backyard? It's very small. Do you like blueberries? I actually don't really, they're too mushy. I enjoy the flavor of them in other things, though. What’s your favorite flavored water? Idk, really. Do you own a record player? No. Has religion ever come between you and somebody? It sure has. There are reasons that I hate it. Is there a scar on your body that you can’t explain? I have a lot of tiny ones that have just... stuck around after popping up outta nowhere, so yes. What would you say that most people know you for? In my real life, probably for being really mentally ill to where it aggressively limits my ability to do... a lot. What’s your favorite kind of juice? There's this strawberry lemonade Minute Maid drink that I REALLY like. What are you up to today? Nothing, really. Dealing with a stupid stomachache and stuffy nose again, wishing it was tomorrow so i could see my boyfriend. Do you wear hats often? I literally never wear hats. Do you have any nieces or nephews? A lot, yeah. Actually gonna make an effort to count them real quick... yeah, somewhere around 13-14. I always forget if Katie has four or five kids. Shit dude I might actually have more, I don't know if Dad's daughter that I've never met has children. Do you own a religious book? I sure don't, but I'm positive Mom has at least one Bible in here somewhere. What was a celebrity you liked as a kid? Steve Irwin was my hero. I still plan to get a cartoon-y pop-up style "crikey!" tattooed probably on my forearm sometime. What did you last eat that was spicy? I actually don't recall. What are your thoughts on horse races? Against it. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but I highly doubt a horse enjoys being kicked and stuff. Why did you last see a doctor? I had to get that sinus infection checked out and be put on something for it. Do you get light-headed after getting blood drawn? No. Have you ever spent more than $100 on a pair of shoes? Hell no. ... I actually shouldn't sound that appalled, considering I woud pay some real money for good spiked leather boots one day. Anything else though, get outta here. Do you trust the police? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. This is a complicated topic for me. Would you say you’re an impulsive person? Holy shit my mouth is when I'm extremely upset. Besides that, I can still be too quick to act, but not horribly so. What was the last restaurant you ate at? Some Mexican place I don't know the name of. Do you wear glasses? Sigh, I'm supposed to. I haven't worn them since the start of March though when mine broke; we couldn't afford an eye exam and then new glasses on top of that. Since I'm insured again now though, Mom thinks we can do it, but now is just getting a goddamn appointment that's not many months into the future... I WISH I didn't need glasses and that I could just do contacts though because I have been dying for a number of facial piercings lately that would just look dumb with glasses, but contacts are just noooot for me, and I say this from experience with them. What song did you last have on repeat? Haha, Rammstein's "Armee der Tristen" is on repeat rn. What a bop. What’s your favorite decoration in your place of residence? Uhhhh idk and I don't feel like thinking about it. Have you ever been to a rodeo? HELL no, you couldn't pay my ass to go to one of those torture pens. Have you ever held a chicken? Uhhh I don't think so, no.

UPDATE: The Tale of Sachiko Fanfic, and Some Personal Grief...

It’s crazy to think I have gone a full year since debuting the Tale of Sachiko Uzumaki Chapter 1 in 2021 which honestly was supposed to kick start the adventures of my NaruSaku OC child - Sachiko (Sachi) Uzumaki, and there is a a lot I have planned for her character arc and her journey. 

What Exactly Happened? 

Shortly after the first chapter, I went through a stage of grief when Attack on Titan’s manga finale came out on April 9th and I was severely disappointed. That led to me losing my writing mojo due to my long investment with Attack on Titan, and I wasn’t sure how I wanted to keep moving forward.   

On top of that, I had a seizure shortly after Memorial Day last year so I needed to spend some time resting my thoughts for that entire summer.  The results of my certification exam didn’t exactly left me in the best spot either when the end of July came. 

Some time after during the month of October just when I thought I was ready finally get back to working on Sachi’s story again with Chapter 2  I got the news that my grandma fell and was admitted for a week before she passed away. This was a loss I simply couldn’t get over, and it didn’t help that I got into a wreck towards the end of November.  

This was also during the same time when I was about get surgery done the day before Thanksgiving 2021.  That process was initially supposed to last a couple weeks, but slowly it transitioned into a month to 3 & 1/2 months.  

Transitional Phase... 

I already covered this in my most recent update video that during that process my views on shipping wavered from NaruSaku to NaruHina,... Which my approach on that transition is something I very much still regret, and it cost me to lose some genuine connections with people I really came to care about in the NaruSaku community. One of my very good friends who I still consider dear and very close to me felt hurt & betrayed about the things I said. All it took was one stupid decision I made, and even that feels like the biggest understatement to say even now. I know better than anyone that this also probably cost me a very dear and meaningful friendship I’ve made with her as well as others just under a month ago.  

 I say this because reading their story is the thing that inspired  me to share the story of Sachiko Uzumaki.  A character I’ve only ever had  a rough idea and character design as to who she is before I made the decision  to really flesh out her character arc from start to finish. Whenever it comes to me and writing a story it’s because it comes straight from the heart. It is never with the intention of gaining attraction or views. That is one of the biggest things I hate most is when people are writing something for the sake of attention. Anyway, knowing that I hurt and betrayed the one person who gave me the motivation I needed was what really left me shattered from deep within.

Post-Transitional Phase...

Outside of this situation, Things have only gotten worse on my end of things IRL because my eldest uncle (dad’s older brother) has been suffering through Stage 4 Lung cancer for over a 1 year and 5 months. Things have been rather slow and steady when it comes to his condition, and I have done everything I can to be supportive of my older cousin (whom I consider to be my big brother.)  ever since I heard the news.  Up until this last monday June 20th when my family and I found out his conditions has significantly worsened from before, and that he doesn’t have a lot of time left to live anymore. 

I have done so much to hold up a strong front for my big brother and that was something my uncle very much noticed. So he had asked me to come over and he held my hand telling me, "I want you spend one day to yourself and have fun tomorrow and just rest for a day. Come see me again on Saturday for the early fireworks and I want you to make that a promise.  Otherwise I won't say anything if come back tomorrow." 

That’s when I told him,  “Don’t worry  I will just take it easy and get some rest until then.”   

I didn’t get a chance to see him that Saturday because the following day my dad ended up getting COVID, and I’ve been taking care of him to make sure he’s doing well. Thankfully my dad’s condition is getting better, but I make it an effort to call my big brother to see how things are going, and from what my brother told me my uncle’s pain has gotten worse.   

I had already been left myself nearly balling when I went home the night after I talked with my uncle in person, but hearing his condition worse left me feeling far more in sorrow then I thought I was in before....

What do I need to do?  

NEW PATH: The Seeds That Will Sow to Inner Healing 

There was a lot I’ve mentioned when it comes to my whole transition phase of the decisions I’ve made,  and I just wanted to finally makes things as clear as I can towards one of the closest friends I’ve hurt and betrayed in the NaruSaku Community.   I’m not asking this close friend of mine to feel sorry for what I did because it was a stupid decision that I made, and it’s something I’ve already acknowledged.  I just want them to truly know and understand that I would like to reforge this trust and bond I had with them over these last 9 years, and I’m willing to wait no matter how long it takes that to happen. 

When it comes to the situation with my uncle,  I know what lies ahead, and the only thing can continue to do is try and stay strong as I’ve been doing. Whatever sorrows and grief that I’ll be feeling I just have to accept for what happens when it finally arrives. All I know is I’m not ready to say goodbye... There’s just so much more I want for them...

As for The Tale of Sachiko Uzumaki Fic...??? 

At first, this was just simply going to be centered on The Tale of Sachiko Uzumaki, but there was just so much going I’ve been going through... and I just couldn’t keep it all in to myself.  It’s always best to be honest with yourself above all else, and that’s exactly what I want to do here.

I may have accepted the canon ending, and NaruHina as my OTP, but I absolutely refuse to leave Sachi’s story unfinished.  Some will say “Oh LuckyChi is just pandering to his old community... that’s why he’s doing this..”  

HELL TO THE NO I’M NOT!!!  If that’s what a lot of you are having then I suggest you to rethink about this more throughly here. That has never been my mind set at all from the very beginning as writer, and I’ve addressed that on more than one ocassion.  

I’ve been working very hard and extensively on the following chapters that have happened since the first chapter. Nothing has necessarily changed when it comes to the story,  character arcs, and themes I’ve already set for Sachiko “Sachi” Uzumaki’s journey from the very beginning.  That is something I intend to stick by until the very end. 

Having said all of this, The Tale of Sachiko Uzumaki will be making it’s come back on October 8th 2022, and it will be done in a weekly format. 

What's One More?

WC: 3204

Rated: M

Tags: brief mentions of crime/mental illness/child abuse and neglect/substance addiction/theft, fluff, family dynamics, mentions of aging, mentions of difficult pregnancy, softness, anxiety attack

🧠

The harsh vibrating of a phone on the nightstand breaks your slumber. Still half asleep you toss your arm back to thump against your sleeping husband's side. With a groan he answers. You try to settle back into your pillow and the warmth of the blanket. Whoever has the balls to call at this hour has another thing coming - but later because your priority is going back to sleep.

He can't have been on the call more than fifteen seconds before he sits up in bed suddenly, turning on the bedside lamp; his movements grab your attention. You roll over. The light blinds you and you rub at your eyes to adjust. You can't make out what's being said. Looking at the clock to see that it's barely 4 am you know something bad has happened. Quietly you slip out from the covers.

Making your way down the hall you peek into your daughter's room, grateful that she's still fast asleep. Her soft snores punctuate the calm. Your nerves abate knowing she’s safe. By the time you get back to the bedroom Laszlo is up and getting dressed. "What's going on?"

He doesn't answer at first. You wait until he's finished buttoning his shirt to ask again. "Sara was called to consult on a triple homicide case - she's asked for me to come down to the police station. I don't know much yet, but it's something involving a young boy and she wants me to speak with him."

“Did he…?”

“No. He was not directly involved, that much we know.”

You nod, leaning against the door frame. This wasn't the first time that Laszlo had been called in by law enforcement and social services to assist with children and teens that needed psychological help. He had become more active around the time you graduated with your doctorate. After Sophia was born Laszlo helped fund an after school program for kids that focused on support for mental health and behavioral issues. He was so passionate about being able to help these kids. But it was never at this ungodly hour. "You'll call or something when you know what's up?" you ask through a yawn.

"Of course, Bärchen." He gives you a chaste peck. Gently he guides you back towards your bed and sits you down. "Go back to sleep, there's no need to worry. I love you." With that he left.

Your sleep is fitful with him gone. You worry over things that you aren't even aware of, over who is hurt, over how severe a situation it could be to have been called in the middle of the night, over the poor boy that needs Laszlo’s help. When your daughter tiptoes into the room around 6 you welcome her into the bed with open arms.

"Why are you up, baby bug?"

"Where's Papa?" She climbs up on his side of the bed and rubs his cold pillow. On her face is a deep frown.

"He had to go help some very important people early this morning. He'll be back to see you soon, I promise."

"I miss him. He always helps me with my shoes."

You can't help the smile that crosses your face. "I know, baby. But it's still early so let's take a nap before we have to get ready, hmm?" The two of you snuggle under the covers. With her curled into your side you do find rest, even for the short time before your alarm chimes.

The day moves sluggish as you wait for word from your husband. Little work was to be done today at the museum, so there wasn't much to keep your mind off the wondering. You considered calling. You considered texting. But you knew that when the time was right he would let you know. No news is good news, you think.

Finally the day came to a close. You picked up Sophia and stopped by the store on the way home to grab supplies for dinner. She insisted that she carry one of the bags inside - little miss independent that she was. “Careful not to drop it, okay? Use those muscles of yours to hold the bag tight.”

“Mama I know, I help Papa carry all the time,” she explains matter-of-factly.

The townhouse is quiet as you begin to unpack. You do a quick glance into the dining room and parlor to no avail. "Laz, honey? You home?" A few seconds later you hear movement from the stairs.

Your husband rounds the corner into the kitchen, swooping down to scoop your daughter into his left arm, peppering her face in exaggerated smooches. Her giggles light up the room from the dim atmosphere. He perches her on his hip. “How was your day my little dove?”

“So good Papa - I practiced my counting today at school. I can get the biggest in the class! Mommy said I must be the most smartest," she prattles on.

“Wunderbar!” he praises her before turning to you. “I didn't hear you come in." Laszlo kisses you.

Pinning him with a look you say "you also didn't call me today? You said you would and I've been worried all day."

Sophia crosses her arms and harrumphs from her father's hip; "me too Papa." He quirks an eyebrow at her before speaking.

"Yes… there is something I wished to speak with you on but didn't think it was suitable for the phone." You raise your own brows but continue to put away groceries. "I do not wish to discuss certain aspects of the case in present company-" he nods towards Sophia minutely "-but we do have a houseguest for the foreseeable future."

"Oh?" Your brows dip in confusion. This is not what you were expecting.

Laszlo peeks around the doorway and calls out "Stevie, would you come join us in the kitchen please."

Stevie? You don't know a Stevie...

A moment later a lanky boy with scruffy dark blond hair shuffles into the room. He can't be anymore than 15. His clothes are too big on him and his shoes are worn beyond belief; nevertheless he gives you a slight smile. “This is Stevie Taggert, he’s going to be staying here with us in the guest room for now.”

“Good evening Mrs. Kreizler,” the boy says nervously, his voice cracking.

You spare a look at your husband before turning to the teenager with a smile. “Ah, no need for that, kid. You can just call me by my name instead. And welcome to our home. You like spaghetti?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Awesome! And I’m certainly not old enough to be a ma’am,” you give him a wink. You set up a pot to boil the water for the pasta. Laszlo excused himself to spend some time with Sophia, leaving you and Stevie in the kitchen.

He clears his throat behind you. “Would um… is there anything I can do to help?”

"I would love that, thank you."

The two of you get to work on making dinner. Stevie doesn’t say too much, but he is very polite and does his best to be useful. Once the food is nearly finished your family has returned ready to eat. You send Stevie and Sophia to set the table.

“Should I be worried?” you ask Laszlo quietly, watching the doorway the two left through.

“I don’t think so. I just felt that I would rather he have a familiar face to adjust with instead of being placed in a group home like many end up.”

You study his face. “You’ve taken a liking to him haven’t you?”

“Well…" his face reddens at your question. "He reminds me a bit of myself when I was his age.” The conversation is cut short by the kids returning.

The rest of dinner and the evening goes smoothly. You make it a point to not bring up any questions that could trigger the teenager, especially before you’ve spoken with Laszlo about the situation at hand. When Stevie nearly eats his weight in pasta you say nothing, wondering how long it's been since he's had a good home cooked meal. He insists on helping clean up the dishes afterwards. Without even knowing what the boy has gone through your heart aches for him.

You set him up in the small renovated basement downstairs while Laszlo puts Sophia to bed. Handing him one of your husband’s old Harvard t-shirts to sleep in you tell him “I’m sorry you’ll be down here by yourself, but if you need us for anything don’t be afraid to come get us - no matter what time it is, okay? And if you get cold there’s an extra blanket right here for you. I know it's July but….” you shrug. “Tomorrow after I get home from work we can go to the store and get you some stuff to use, some more clothes, that kinda thing.”

“Yes ma’am.” At the teasing look you give him his ears burn red with his mumbled “right sorry.”

“Alright Stevie. We’ll see you in the morning, sleep well.”

Laszlo is in bed reading when you enter the room. Nothing is said as you ready yourself for bed. Slipping under the covers you face him. He sighs and closes his book.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I became caught up in the day and only arrived home with Stevie maybe half an hour before you did.” He sighs a second time. “Most of the case I cannot talk about, but what I can say is he was living with his mentally ill father, whom was also an addict. He missed the last few weeks of the school year and has been regularly stealing food to get by. He has no other family. I just… it didn’t feel right to let him process his experiences away from someone properly trained to deal with these sorts of things, in addition to how traumatic entering foster care at his age can be. I spoke with those in social services and was granted temporary custody until we find another more permanent solution.”

“Of course.”

He takes hold of your hand. “You aren’t upset with me?”

“I mean it would’ve been nice to have a bit more warning… but I get it. He can stay as long as he needs to. He’s a sweet kid,” you reassure him. “I told him that I would take him shopping after work tomorrow, so if you could pick up Soph from preschool that would be great.”

“Perhaps instead we can all go? I was thinking that I would bring him to the university with me so that he’s not alone all day. You could get her and then we could meet somewhere, get dinner afterwards?”

You lean closer to him to curl around his arm and rest your head on his shoulder. He always thought so much about others, especially children. Laszlo had such a heart of gold and it honestly left you in awe of just how much he was willing to give so that others could find peace and happiness. Like the older he got the more he had to give. The thought warms you. “How are you literally the best person I know? And to think you used to be so worried about being able to be a good father and now you’re the best of all of us.” He huffs a little as you nuzzle into his chest.

“I have you to thank for that, Bärchen.” He drops a kiss to your head. “But it’s getting late and I’ve been up all day. We should get some sleep.”

Soon after you're both dreaming.

___

Stevie had been with you for three weeks. It only took him a few days to start to settle in, and you discovered that he was quick with his wit and far smarter than he let on. He was a little bit of a sarcastic smart-ass at times, but all in good nature. He was endlessly entertaining. Laszlo sat down with him almost everyday to talk about what he was feeling, the things he experienced, and ways to deal with the loss of his family. Already you both saw improvement.

Even Sophia got on well with him. Most teenage boys wanted nothing to do with little kids, let alone a 4 year old that loved playing 'spaceship barbie'. But not Stevie. On his fifth day you'd found him sat on the floor playing with her and going along with her childlike imagination. When she insisted he play the barbie that needed saving he went along with it, high pitched voice and everything. He even encouraged her to pick up her toys before bed - a feat you and your husband struggled with at times. It struck you how much Stevie became a big brother of sorts to her.

Laszlo grew even more fond of the boy. He wasn't really one for TV, but every evening he sat and watched some show on Netflix about racing with the teen and didn't complain once. Laszlo had tried to explain the role of adrenaline in racing drivers as a psychological function, but Stevie just brushed it off and said it was the driving so fast that made it "cool".

The two did bond over an unlikely subject - punk rock. When you got home from work two weeks into his stay and heard the music blasting in the parlor you worried someone had broken in. Whipping into the room you saw Laszlo in his chair tapping his foot to the intense guitar and singing; Stevie nodded along to the music as he held an old album cover. It didn't take long for Sophia to start jumping along to the music too.

"What is this?" You yelled out over the bass - you couldn't recognize it and it clearly wasn't English.

"Die Toten Hosen, a band I listened to growing up in Germany. Stevie found the record and asked to listen."

"Listen? I think you mean blow out your eardrums!" Even with needing to shout to be heard you had to laugh at the situation. How your husband had a secret love for German punk you'll never know; yet you would never let him live it down.

And when Stevie came and woke you both up in tears three nights ago you made him hot chocolate while Laszlo sat down with him. He confessed that he had never been treated or cared for like he was in your home. How he wished he could stay because he felt wanted. Your heart broke for the boy. To be so young and so lost, craving someone to simply be there for him.

Yet everyday he grew more open. He broke out of his shell. He had goals and ambitions; he wanted to amount to something bigger than he had thought he ever could. It almost shocked you at how much fire was within him.

At how much he fit in with your little family.

At how it was like he was meant to be there.

___

Laszlo was oddly quiet when you got home. Sophia had run off to find Stevie, and you tracked your husband down to his office. He listened as you talked about your day for a good ten minutes; he said almost nothing the whole conversation.

You move closer to him. Placing the back of your hand to his forehead you check to see if he's feverish or sick. He didn't feel warm. "Laz, are you feeling okay?"

He gently pulls your hand down and leaves a kiss on your palm. "The department of social services called this morning to inquire about what we want to do with Stevie. This would be the third time they have asked."

He hadn't mentioned it to you at all that they were calling already. "Okay. What do you think we should do?" You pause for him to continue.

"I told them I would need to speak with you before any further decisions were made regarding him…" His fingers tap against the wood of his desk. "I'm not sure I have an answer for them. Nor for you." He swallows. "I'm afraid of what might become of him should he go into the system. Or that he will not get the support he needs given his past. Any option involving allowing him to stay for a bit longer is a commitment I won't make without your full support, of course. I could never ask that of you." As he speaks you can hear the frustration pouring from him, feel the irritation radiating through the room. "I refuse to give up on him- I- I just don't have the answers on what to do without them hounding me and he deserves better than this, dammit."

"He does… Do you remember on your 50th birthday, what you told me?" Laszlo looks up at you confused. "You said that you had wished you were ten years younger so you had the energy and time to do all of it again. That if you were younger we would've had a whole gaggle of kids - brothers and sisters for Sophia."

"Wishing I was younger doesn't make a difference in helping Stevie-"

"Laszlo - let's adopt him." Your words stop him in his tracks. You had decided not to have any more after your daughter was born. Laszlo was nearing 50 and the pregnancy had been hard on you. But regardless you knew that you both had the means and the love to give another child, probably five or ten more children if you really wanted to. So why not start with one that's already wormed his way in to the family? "I've seen how fond you are of him already. You've taken him under your wing as if he was your own. And how good he is with Sophia? Hell I couldn't ask for a better older sibling for her - and she loves him already. And honestly, Laz, I do too."

"You think we should adopt Stevie?"

"I think we should ask, yeah. He deserves a good home and a strong father figure that's going to put him first. He looks at you like you hung the stars, Laszlo. He needs us, and truthfully I think we need him. So yeah - what's one more added to this little shindig we've got going for us?"

"Have you-"

"-thought it through? Yes. Completely."

You can see the smile he fights to hold back. "We should call tomorrow and see what the protocol is for stating our intent to adopt and getting the paperwork."

"Um…" You shuffle your feet. Nose scrunched, you confess "I may have already called them. On the way from work I asked about what would need to be done if we wanted to pursue that route, but since they already know who we are from you working with them for years it can be fast tracked." You pull him out of his chair to stand before you. "All we have to do is say 'go'."

He has no hesitation.

"Go."

Laszlo doesn't hold back his smile or his laughter as he spins you around his office floor. You're certain your children downstairs can hear your giggles.

Tag list

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4 times his friends posted you on their instagram + 1 time he did - mat barzal

a/n: I wrote this literally back in july so lets just ignore how idealistic this is regarding quarantine but im a slut for some barzy this is all fluff

word count: 4,733

summary: like the title says, some friends (with benefits?) to lovers + a tyson cameo, fluffy summer quarantine fic

tagging @davidpastrsnack​ so kate can get on the barzy train

-

1.

To say the whole quarantine thing was an inconvenience was an understatement. School had ended online, your summer internship was cancelled, and it seemed like your summer would turn into an uneventful couple of months stuck in your apartment in, probably, the worst place to be stuck in during a pandemic: New York City.

Or so you thought.

You’d planned on having the most boring summer ever until your friend, Mat, had invited you to hole up away with him and a few friends in a lake house back in Vancouver. Well, friend was a loose term. The two of you were friends… just ones that kissed occasionally… and sometimes more than kissed. You’d met him about a year ago at a bar while he was out with his teammates after a game. A cliche meeting, but you hit it off instantly. Instead of ending up in his bed at the end of the night (which you would eventually end up at after a couple months), it turned into an exchange of numbers and an invitation to hang out later in the week.

You hadn’t thought anything of it at first, just thinking he was being friendly and wanting to end the conversation, so you were surprised to get a text the next day from an unknown number asking if you’d wanted to go on a bike ride.

Flashforward a year later and the two of you still went on bike rides together. At least, up until the pandemic started.

When the text came telling you to pack your bags for a month or so, you thought he was joking. Surely he couldn’t have meant you to join him in Vancouver over the summer? You were proven wrong when he showed up at your apartment the next day, two coffees in his hand.

“Uh, hi, Mathew,” you said hesitantly, opening your door to reveal your disheveled state, having just woken up.

“Why are you dressed like that? We have a plane to catch in four hours,” he said, pushing himself through your door, uninvited, to set the coffees on the counter.

“What are you doing here? What plane? You’re not supposed to be going out,” you reprimanded him for showing up unannounced and in the middle of quarantine.

“I told you we’re going to Vancouver, I know you read my text. Now let’s hurry up and pack, we gotta get going,” Mat rushed, already on the way to your bedroom.

You followed him after a brief moment once you’d processed what was going on. Mat had already pulled out your suitcase and set it on top of your bed by the time you entered the door. He was in the middle of rifling through your drawers and grabbing random garments to throw into the suitcase when you’d spoken again.

“You’re actually serious about this?”

“Of course I am. What better things do you have to do in a city on lockdown for an entire summer? Honestly, I’m doing you a favor,” he explained easily, turning back to grab more items.

“Oh, you’re doing me a favor? Thank you, Mat, for saving me from a summer of suffering. It’s not like I had other plans to find different internships or focus on my summer classes,” you replied sarcastically.

Mat rolled his eyes. “I am doing you a favor, and you’re doing me a favor by going. I need a hot piece of ass to get me through this, or I will lose my mind.” You slugged him on the shoulder in offense, but all he did was chuckle.

“And anyways, you can still do your classes in Vancouver. Instead of doing them locked in this apartment, you can do them lounged out under the Canadian sun. Preferably in a bikini,” he finished. You slugged his arm again, harder this time.

“In fact, you should take the red bikini, it makes your tits look amazing,” he said, noticing you shuffling through your swimsuits. You rolled your eyes at him but grabbed the red one anyway along with a couple others.

With both of you folding and packing, your bags were ready to go in record time.

“Alright, baby, let’s go.” And so you were off.

A week had gone by in total bliss. As much as you hated to admit it, Mat was right. Vacationing in Vancouver in a secluded lake house was a lot better than being alone in your apartment, even if you did still have classes to do. Mat teased you about it, but he always left you alone for a few hours in the day for you to focus on your work. Unless he really wanted something… like right now.

Mat had joined you laying on the couch while you were in the middle of annotating a book for class. He wiggled his way between your arms, causing you to break your hold on your book. He rested his head on your chest, arms wrapped around your middle, and nuzzled his face into your neck. Joining your hands back to your book and bringing your highlighter to the page, you continued to underline phrases you’d come back to later. A couple minutes passed in silence before Mat started sighing. And then he sighed again.

“What do you want?” you huffed out, closing your book with the pen marking your page.

“Let’s go swimming,” he said, pushing up to his elbows to look at your face.

“I have to finish, like, three more chapters today,” you explained.

“You can do that later. I want to go swimming now,” Mat whined.

“You know you sound like a petulant child right now, right?” you asked, moving a hand to his head, pushing his hair back as he pouted.

“Stop using big words on me. Let’s swim,” he said, rolling his eyes.

You paused to think about it for a moment, “Hmm… okay, I guess,” you said with a smile. Mat returned your smile with one of his own before hopping up to drag you to your room to change. It didn’t take much to convince you to swim. It was a really nice day out, and you didn’t really care to finish reading about 17th century philosophy.

You changed into your red bikini, Mat swapped his shorts for a pair of swim trunks, and threw on a backwards baseball cap. You went out back to join the rest of his friend group, who were in the process of loading up the boat with supplies and equipment.

“Oh, look, if it isn’t Brainiac and the Beast. Are you two finally going to go boating with us?” Tyson shouted from the dock. You rolled your eyes at his nickname they created for you and Mat. It had only been a week in Vancouver, but the chirps about you and school were tired by now.

“Princess here wants to swim in the pool, maybe next time!” you shouted back, pointing to Mat.

They laughed at your response, turning their attention back to the boat and running supplies to and from the house. You turned your attention back to Mat, who was taking off his hat and was about two seconds away from jumping in the pool.

“Mathew, stop!” you yelled out, “Get your ass over here!”

“What is it?” he asked, stopping just short of the deep end. He grumbled before marching over to you.

“You need to put sunscreen on first, dumbass,” you reprimanded. As you turned your back to grab the bottle of sunscreen, he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mat,” you said sharply, turning back to face him with a raised eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, baby.”

You ignored him, opening the cap and squeezing lotion onto your hands. You gestured him to turn around, and you spread the lotion over it, making sure to rub it into his shoulders.

“I don’t see why I have to put sunscreen on. It’s not even that hot outside,” he muttered.

“First of all, you’re a dumbass. Second of all, heat doesn’t automatically mean the UV rays aren’t strong. And lastly, you’re white, baby, you’ll burn like a sun-dried tomato and being in water only increases the amount of sun you’re exposed to,” you explained, reaching up to rub some on his face.

“Sorry, Miss Meteorologist,” he grumbled, clearly not happy he’d lost this argument.

“One of us has to have brains. We can’t all get by on our good looks and skating ability,” you replied, slapping his cheeks when you were done for good measure.

“Okay, well, if you’re finally done,” you nodded in confirmation, “Let’s go.” He picked you up from under your thighs and ran at full speed towards the pool before you could even process what was happening. You screamed his name in protest begging him to put you down, claiming you hadn’t had time to put on sunscreen yet. He ignored you as he jumped into the deep end, dragging you with him.

You emerged from the water clinging to Mat’s wet body, your hair sopping and hanging over your face like you had come straight out of the movie The Grudge. Mat was laughing at your chaotic look, knowing you were well pissed at him. You jumped higher in the water on top of him to dunk his head under and tried your best to drown him.

It wasn’t until you were relaxing on the couch later that night doing your routinely social media scroll that you saw one of the guys recorded your sunscreen interaction by the pool, you calling Mat a dumbass, and him throwing you in the pool onto their instagram story with a caption “all these two do is fight” with some laughing crying emojis added for effect.

2.

After a long day or hiking, you’d immediately crashed on the couch once you’d gotten back to the house, not bothering to walk all the way to your room. It was only early in the afternoon but you’d been out since sunrise, and dealing with people for hours on end had drained you. The group laughed at you as you plopped your body down onto the couch, curling your head under your arm instead of grabbing the pillow two feet away from you. The rest of them gathered in the kitchen, refueling their bodies with assorted snacks as they started popping open bottles of beer, ready to start the night. It seemed that even an entire day on their feet had not emptied them of their, seemingly endless, energy.

“Jesus Christ, we hiked for, like, six hours and you’re all still bouncing off the walls,” you sighed deeply.

“We’re about to go hit the boat and go water skiing, too. I’m assuming you’re too tired to join us?” Tyson teased.

“I will not be joining you because unlike some people, I need a nap. Now get out of here, you’re all giving me a headache,” you said, pinching your fingers on the bridge of your nose to emphasize your point.

They all snickered but kept quiet as they shuffled around, packing up more food to take outside. You heard the sliding door shut and close a few times as they ran in and out before it was finally silent. You let out a sigh of relief as you took solace in the calm quiet.

That was until you felt a pair of arms shifting you closer to the edge of the couch. You peeked one eye open to see Mat rolling your body over to give him some space as he climbed over your body to nestle himself between you and the back cushions.

“Not going out on the boat?” You asked as he tucked a pillow under the both of your heads and pulled a blanket over your bodies.

“No. They’re exhausting. I need some time for myself,” Mat replied, wrapping his arm around your middle to pull you into his chest.

“No offense, but if you’re with me, you’re not by yourself,” you explained, closing your eyes again as you settled into a comfortable position.

“Yeah, but you’re you. You don’t exhaust me,” he said quietly. You didn’t know what to say to that, so you didn’t answer. Within a few seconds you heard Mat’s breathing even out, and you followed quickly behind him into a deep sleep.

-

A couple hours passed in a dreamless sleep when you heard the sliding of doors and laughter travel through the house. It stirred you from your sleep and you both shifted around, letting out displeased groans.

“Are they both still asleep?” You heard one of them ask from the kitchen. Neither of you wanted to answer in hopes they would leave you two to continue sleeping.

You were sadly mistaken.

“Hey! Sleeping beauties! Time to get up!” Tyson shouted from somewhere above you.

You both groaned out a “Fuck off, Tyson,” without opening your eyes, both of you giving him the middle finger. Tyson laughed to himself and you expected him to keep bothering you, but you heard his footsteps lead away from the couch. You turned over on your other side, tucking your face into Mat’s neck before falling back asleep.

-

When you woke up later that evening, you checked instagram again to see Tyson posted a new story. It was the video of him bothering you two and flipping him off with a caption that said “I get no respect around here :(“

3.

It had been raining all day. Which meant everyone was stuck inside watching movies and eating pizza. It didn’t take long for you to get bored of lounging on the couch, especially when all they wanted to do was watch Fast and Furious movies. You sat on the loveseat you were sharing with Mat, and you distracted yourself from the boring movie by tangling your hands in your hair, French braiding the strands into pigtails mindlessly. You unbraided and rebraided your hair into a fishtail after the pigtails, and then into a regular braided ponytail after that. You let yourself get caught up in daydreams as you stared blankly at the TV when Mat started tugging on your leg. Dropping your braid, you finished tying it off with a hair tie and turned to look at him.

“Let me practice on you,” Mat said quietly.

“Practice what?” You asked.

“Braiding,” he said, shuffling to sit upright. He tried to gently push you off the couch until you got the hint and moved to sit between his legs on the floor.

“You think you can do it?” You asked, ready to offer him a demonstration.

“I’ve been watching you for the past half hour, I got this,” he replied, pulling out your hair tie. You rolled your eyes at his confidence, but let him continue unraveling the strands.

Every few minutes Mat would sigh exasperatedly before pulling out the twists he’d made to start over. Eventually, he’d almost gotten all the way to the end of your hair before he sighed again, clearly fed up by how long this was taking him. You didn’t say anything as he restarted for a third time, going for a straight back braid instead of a French braid.

After another ten minutes, Mat had finally completed his simple braid, tying your hair off with the tie. He tapped your shoulder to indicate he was done, and you pulled the long tail over your shoulder to look at it.

It was a braid.

An extremely loose one where he mixed up the strand order in a couple places, but a braid nonetheless. You turned around to get back up on the couch, and you were met with his triumphant smile.

“Good job, bud,” you complimented, leaving the braid in as you resumed your previous position on the couch.

-

You checked your phone to find a notification of a new story tag. You opened the app to see a picture of you on the floor, staring at the TV while Mat had his hands twisted in your hair and a confused look on his face and tongue poking out of his mouth. Next to your instagram tag was “he’s been knotting her hair on purpose for 20 minutes now”

4.

Your final exams for the summer classes you were taking were in a week. Finals stressed you out more than anything else in the world, and when you were stressed, you did a lot of baking. A lot of baking. After finishing your finals study schedule and nearly breaking down almost twice because of the amount you had to get done, you decided to start baking instead of going to sleep. So, at 3 in the morning when everyone was asleep, you’d  turned on the oven and brought out the bowls.

It began with a few dozen cookies. You figured everyone could at least enjoy the cookies. Who didn’t like cookies?

Cookies turned into muffins, muffins into cupcakes, and then cupcakes into pies. By the time everyone was waking up, it was nearly eleven in the morning. You’d gone to the store twice and had taken a few twenty minute naps while you waited for your desserts baked in the oven. And right now, you were in the middle of finishing off some cinnamon rolls for breakfast

“Oh my god, what the hell happened here?” Mat had asked with a scared expression, taking note of the disastrous kitchen. You didn’t answer him as you were topping off the rolls with some icing.

A few more bodies had gathered in the kitchen and began to fill the seats at the countertop while they watched you with worried eyes.

“What?” You asked innocently, placing the plates of cinnamon rolls in front of all of them. Their eyes followed you carefully as you pulled more goods out of the oven where you were keeping them warm. Plate after plate you set on the counter, all the cookies and muffins and cakes.

“How long have you been up?” Tyson asked cautiously. You swear you’ve never heard him use a softer voice than right now.

“I’m not sure. I never went to sleep, I guess? What time is it now?” You asked, pulling out glasses for orange juice.

“Nearly noon. You seriously didn’t sleep?” Tyson asked. The others had delved into the confections, eyes bouncing between the two of you as they stuffed their faces.

“She’s stress baking,” Mat replied quietly, helping himself to a cinnamon roll.

“What the hell is tress baking?” One of the other guys asked.

“Yeah she does this when she’s stressed. Usually when finals are coming up,” Mat said, directing it more towards you than his friend. You gave him a sheepish look, deciding not to comment since he already answered for you.

Mat was used to your stress baking as it resulted in you showing up at his place in the middle of the night with bags full of pastries in the late hours of the evening. It was always against his diet and he frequently gave most of your desserts to his neighbor, but he could never tell you no when you arrived with gifts.

“Well, I’m all out of flour, so, I’m going to run to the store again to get some more supplies so I can make a chocolate cake later,” you said hurriedly.

You did a quick double check of the kitchen, flashing all the guys a bright smile before heading out the door with your purse in hand, all of them staring until the front door shut behind you.

-

When you came back, you found Mat in the kitchen doing the dishes and nearly all the sweets you’d baked earlier were eaten or wrapped and put away. Maybe there was a plus side to being in a home with five other people.

“Mat, you don’t have to do that,” you said, setting your groceries down and hip checking him away from the sink.

“You’re already stressed, I figured doing the dishes would take away some of that,” he said with a shrug. He continued rinsing out some bowls as you gave him a small smile.

The two of you continued to wash the dishes in silence, moving to clean the countertops when you were done. After half an hour, the mess you’d made was gone and any signs of a baking breakdown had been erased.

It was a shame you were about to tear up the kitchen all over again.

“How about this,” Mat said, noticing the frown on your face at the thought of making another mess, “Let’s have a competition.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m listening.”

“You said you were making a chocolate cake, right? How about we see who can make the better cake,” Mat propositioned.

You raised both your eyebrows this time. You both knew you were the better baker by a long shot. You did have this same breakdown at least twice a year. You weren’t even sure Mat knew how to make anything that didn’t come with box instructions or included possible salmonella-inducing ingredients.

You knew what he was really trying to do. He was trying to distract you from all the stress, and he knew you couldn’t turn down a competition. You were just as bad as him when it came to winning. Thankfully, this was something you knew you’d win.

“Fine, but I hope you’re prepared to lose,” you agreed with a smile.

“I don’t know, I have been practicing my cooking skills lately,” he said, grabbing the bowls he’d just dried off.

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” you replied with an eye roll and heavy sarcasm.

You joined him in gathering all the ingredients and materials on the counter, setting up your respective stations. Mat divided the workspace in half, drawing a line in flour which made you laugh. You split the bowls between the sides and set up the ingredients on the second counter just like an actual cooking show.

“Okay, ground rules first. Half an hour to make the cakes, we bake them at the same time, and then another half hour for decorating at the end,” you explained, tying your hair back in a ponytail. Mat nodded at your statement and set a timer on his phone for 30 minutes.

“Ready.”

“Set.”

“Go!”

-

After about two hours, your creations were done. Well, they were supposed to be. Mat’s cake looked more or less like a brown lump coated in frosting and stripes. You’d tried your best to decorate yours with small chocolate roses, but you could’ve turned out a plain cake and probably would have done better.

“I think I won,” you stated confidently.

“You’re not allowed to decide, you’re biased! I’ll make a poll on my story,” Mat said, going to grab his phone.

“You can’t do that, your followers are going to pick yours.”

“Fine, we’ll get someone else to do it— Josty! Come here,” Mat called to his friend passing through the kitchen. He hesitantly walked over to where you were, not wanting to come in the middle of whatever you two were shouting about.

“We need you to make an instagram poll to see who’s cake looks better. Oh, and you’re going to taste test them,” you said, picking up your cake to pose for a picture as Mat did the same. Tyson sighed before realizing you two were serious and he opened his app to take a picture.

He added the photo to his story with a poll asking “Which one is better?” With two options, Y/N’s or Mat’s.

After you set the cakes back down, Tyson picked up a fork before stabbing them to pick out a chunk from each. He ate yours first, nearly moaning at the taste.

“Holy shit, this is, like, the best cake I’ve ever eaten,” Tyson said, shoveling down another forkful. You gave Mat a shit-eating grin.

“Okay, okay, try mine now,” Mat said, displeased. Tyson rolled his eyes before forking out some of his.

“Uh,” he coughed, “it’s a little,” cough, “dry.”

“What? No, it’s not! Let me try,” Mat shouted, outraged, and grabbed Tyson’s fork to try for himself.

It took him two seconds before he was spitting the cake into a napkin.

“Fine. You win,” Mat conceded, throwing a dish towel against the counter in mock fury.

You gloated for another 5 minutes, pointing out Mat’s terrible baking skills as Tyson continued to eat your cake and laugh at Mat.

You won the instagram poll too.

+ 1

It was the last week before you and Mat were flying back to New York. The past month had passed quickly, and Mat needed to get back for the start of training camps. As the summer began to end, the whole crew thought they’d spend one last day on the boat before everyone started parting ways.

It’s not like you were opposed to being on boats, but when all the guys did was water sports and no one wanted to slow down to teach you, it wasn’t as fun.

Today, however, had been quite calm as you sat against the front of the boat, a seltzer in hand as you watched Tyson wakeboarding in the back. Mat was curled up behind you as you leaned back against his chest, tanned skin shining in the summer sun. You reached back to grab the baseball cap off his head, placing it on yours to shield your eyes from the sun. You’d forgotten to bring sunglasses, and you figured Mat could part with his hat since he had a pair.

The day passed peacefully as all the guys took turns until it was sunset. Mat had joined you back on the seat, skin wet from just getting out of the water. He wrapped you in his arms before pulling you onto his lap, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Hey, Tys, take a picture of us real quick,” Mat said, shoving his phone into Tyson’s chest.

You thought nothing of it, you and Mat had taken many pictures together, and this was no different. Mat rested his chin on your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your stomach as you both gave your cheesiest smiles to the camera. A quick shutter indicated the picture was taken and Tyson gave Mat his phone back.

-

Mat called your name from your bed as you stood in the adjoined bathroom, finishing your nightly routine.

“Hey, do you mind if I post that picture of us on my instagram?” Mat called out.

“The one from the boat? Why?” You asked, drying off your face with a towel.

“It’s a cute picture,” he shrugged when you reentered the room.

“People are going to start talking if you do,” you warned with a cautious tone.

He paused for a second.

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Mat asked quietly, looking up to meet your eyes.

You stayed silent as you climbed in under the covers.

“What are you trying to say, Mat?”

He took a deep breath, “I think you’re amazing, you know that. And we’ve been friends for so long, it kind of feels natural, doesn’t it?” His fingers began tapping against the sheets anxiously as he held his breath and waited for your response.

You gave him a small smile, moving your body around to fully face him.

“It does,” you agreed, “But if you want us to be something more, you’re going to have to ask me on a date first.”

“A date? After I’ve already gotten you into bed? What’s the point?” You knew he meant it as a joke since he could barely finish the sentence without laughing, but you gently slapped his head as he began to apologize.

“I’m kidding!” He said between chuckles, “Will you go on a date with me once we get back to New York and it’s safe to go out again?”

“I’d love to, Mat,” you replied, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss.

“I’m still going to post that photo tomorrow, though,” he said after a short pause, smiling against your lips.

-

The next day when Mat had gone on a fishing trip with the guys, you saw a notification pop up on your phone.

“@barzal97 tagged you in a photo”

You unlocked your phone.

“Isolation isn’t so bad when you have this girl to spend it with”