#it makes me sad some people's inbox aren't turned on
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I've been productive today, I worked, got off early, did the dishes, and cleaned a little. I wrote 1110 words today [my main accomplishment] and got to talk to lovely people today.
And now, it's my weekend now
#it makes me sad some people's inbox aren't turned on#I understand why#but I wanted to slid into that dm and harass them with my love and positivity#kadia chatter#love and appreciate yall#i eepy#i'm gonna go get innout#because a grill cheese sounds good right now#and I don't have to get out of the car#also I hate budgeting#random facts lol#TeamComm is always open#even if it takes me 3 years to respond but i will#i promise#tags are fun
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this may come off very blunt and out of the blue, but i need an answer and i can't ask anyone i know, so i apologise profusely if you find this derogatory in any way possible.
i'm 14 and i found out what death means when i was 3 and living with my grandparents. i figured that when someone dies, you can't see them anymore. you can't talk to them, you can't laugh with them. they aren't there anymore. and i cried. i cried so hard i vomited.
ever since i've struggled to think about death and what lies beyond. i'm scared. of growing up, of dying, of seeing people around me die. and i don't know what to do.
i know this will likely get lost among the hundreds of thousands of asks in you inbox, but if by fate you read this, please tell me
how does it feel when someone you know dies?
hank you, and i apologise once again if this is disrespectful. i know it's a pretty deranged thing to ask, especially to a well-known writer who has gone through life. i'm sorry if this brings up sad memories, but i need an answer.
all the best to you and everyone around you, mr neil.
Mostly it feels terrible. It even feels terrible when it’s someone who has been in a lot of pain for a long time or has not really been there for a long time and you know that Death has in some ways been a blessing: suddenly you are mourning the whole person.
It doesn’t get easier as you age. It gets stranger. The point where you realise how many people you used to know and like who aren’t there any longer, and you cannot talk to them or see them or laugh with them is painful in a way that I had never expected. The first time that someone you had a romantic relationship with dies and you realise that there had been moments both of you shared and now you are the sole custodian of those moments and one day you will be gone and they will be lost forever is peculiarly strange and hard.
But there is a comfort. And it’s the realisation that you aren’t alone in any of this. Everybody who lives will die. And we are here and doing things because other people died to make room for us, and we in our turn will die to make room for our children and their children and on and on.
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I just want to make this clear, I don't write dark fics. Don't come into my inbox requesting it bc I will block you! So with that being said, I'm going share a couple of my thoughts and then I'm gonna shut up about it, So i'm warning you again, if you do not like that I'm against non-con or dub-con... BOOOO BITCH!
I saw this weird ass take that made my stomach turn reaaallll bad.
It was like "the cod characters kill for a living" "you can't be a moral police when they murder people" oh. you're one of them. (take that as you will idgaf.) Like y'all know in some cases murder can be justified, and so can robbery (but again they're characters out of a game like ????) . Like sometimes those two things are sacrifices people have to make in order to survive. Violating someone for your own personal satisfaction, is not the same thing. That shit is not excusable.
I heard something that rlly had me thinking and I was like "damn this is tumblr forsureeeee." Some of y'all lack discernment. It's kind of cray how bad y'all will do good people, just so you can do good by bad people, are you getting me? Im looking at you simonrileyscockring.
Like there is no way you will sit and let people romanticize r*pe, and then fucking attack when people voice their discomfort and I need some of you to realize, discomfort brings up anger and so many other emotions, It's discomfort. It's gonna do that, no one is rational when they're triggered or they feel uncomfortable, let's wake up peopleeee.
Especially when it's a touchy ass subject. I had to go on a unfollowing spree and at first I was really sad when some of my favorite writers blocked me, Like damn okay, but it just means y'all aren't seeing where some of us are coming from, so maybe we have to speak your guy's language.
And I'm not saying "oh these people are bad cause they write dub-con or non-con" whatever it's called, I'm just saying people who are ready to get behind a fucking canon and shoot bc of peoples obvious discomfort. You're weird, and there's a reason people are reacting the way they are. catch it.
And if you take this shit as a personal hit, then maybe you should start self reflecting.
peace!
Oh and let me add, yall are not gonna jump @ladygoth and you’re not gonna jump @albanskikoks !! They’re speaking their truth!!
Okay bye!!
#lunden’s open mic ૮ ˆﻌˆ ა#cod mw2#task force 141#cod mw3#cod#simon ghost riley#captain price#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#captain john price#john price#konig cod
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I See you
Summary: Maisie has a bad day at daycare and you talk to Steve and Robin about your worries.
Pairing: Ghost!Eddie Munson x Mommy!Reader x Psychic!Daughter
Words: 5K
Warnings: 18+, no y/n used, fluff, angst, ghosts, cussing, bullying, mentions of things from S4. Let me know if I missed anything.
A/N: Part two! This one is still sad, so I apologize for that! Let me know what you think and please let me know if you have any requests! My inbox is open!
You can find more of my stories on my Stranger Things Masterlist!
You can also read this series on AO3!
Previous - Masterlist - Forward
That night you had a long conversation with Maisie about her dad and how he passed in an accident. You never want your little girl to know the terrors of the Upside Down so you danced around the subject. When she’s older… way older… like fifty, maybe then you’ll tell her.
You also asked her to not let anyone else know that Eddie was still around and to be extra careful about talking to him in public. The town didn’t need to know that she was special. You didn’t want anyone to look at her the way they looked at Eddie. Plus, you were already a social pariah because you had a child out of wedlock in a small town. Not to mention she was the child of the so-called “cult leader” who everyone believes destroyed the lives of half the town. You knew he wasn't, his friends and family knew he wasn't but you still explained to Maisie that people will say mean things about her daddy but she shouldn't listen to them. They didn’t know him.
But her dad was a hero.
It's been at least a week since she dropped the 'your late boyfriend was haunting your house and he wants his Garfield mug' bomb and to say you were on edge was a little too on the nose.
You didn't know what to do. You had never raised a child before and for that kid to be a psychic, well that was just the tip of the iceberg. Both of you were learning how to walk down this path you were on, you just hoped the ground didn't fall out from under you as you went.
It took a bit of fighting with yourself but you were finally able to muster up the courage to talk to Steve and Robin about this while Maisie was in daycare. Pushing the door open you looked around the Family Video for your two friends, usually one of them was at the front. Over the years they had been promoted to Manager and Assistant Manager so they ran the place now that Keith was gone. “Hello? Guys?”
The sound of crashing tapes caught your attention, a quiet “Oh shit..” was heard as Steve muttered to himself. Your head snapped to the right as you slowly started to move around the rental counter towards the horror section.
“Welcome to Family Vide- oh! Hey!” He smiled as he walked out of the aisle and over to you engulfing you in a hug before he stepped back to look at you. When he noticed your pensive look his smile fell and he got worried. “What happened? Why aren't you at work? Is Maisie okay?”
“Maisie's fine.” You say holding your hand up. “I took the day off. But there is something about her I need your help with... Where is Robin?”
Looking at his watch Steve frowned. “She’s on her break. Went to grab some coffee. Should be back soon.”
“Cool,” You said, with a nod. Moving towards the counter you leaned against it.
“What’s wrong?” Steve asked as he went around the counter to lean on it next to you.
“It’ll be easier if I tell you both at the same time.” You mumbled turning when the bell above the door rang. Hoping it was Robin you looked over your shoulder only to come face to face with Mrs. Cunningham who was sneering at you. Slowly you stood up and moved away from the counter so she could return her videos, licking your lips you wandered over to the kids section looking for anything Maisie would be interested in watching. She really liked The Little Mermaid.
Maisie sat alone on the swing set of her daycare, her little Mary Janes kicking the sand below her to make a small pile. She didn't like daycare. She was alone a lot and none of the other kids wanted to be her friend. Plus the old lady inside was mean. Looking up she glanced at the window of the building to see the stern looking old woman staring back at her. Maisie didn’t understand why she didn’t like her, she always left some of her lunch and her afternoon snack for her when the other kids didn’t, always made space for her at the table so she could join them when they colored. All the other kids didn’t seem to even notice her which confused Maisie since the lady was always there. She asked Miss Britney about her once but she told her that there was no lady.
Maisie looked over her shoulder when she felt a cold set of hands on her back giving her a gentle push on the swing.
“Hey kiddo,” Eddie said as he smiled down at her.
“Hi. Mommy said I can’t talk to you outside of the house.” She muttered as she looked at the ground again kicking her legs out as he pushed her back again so she could go higher.
“Yeah, your moms smart like that.” He said as he pushed her once more. Looking over his shoulder at the other kids making sandcastles in the sandbox he turned back to her. “Why aren’t you playing with the other kids?”
“They don’t like me.” She shrugged with a sad pout. “They say mean things.”
“Well don’t listen to them okay,” He said as he moved to lean on the pole of the set as she swung back and forth. “You’re worth a hundred of them.”
“Mommy said you were my daddy.”
“Well, your mom doesn't lie.”
“Why can't she see you?” Maisie asked as she looked up at him as she continued to kick her legs back and forth. Going higher and higher.
“I don't know, bug.” Eddie shrugged as he watched her. “Don’t go too high. I can’t catch you if you fall out here.”
Or maybe he could…Nah, better not test it, it took a lot of energy just to push her on the swing.
Giving a quiet okay she let her legs dangle as she started to slow down. The two of them sat in silence for a while, Eddie watching her from his spot leaning against the swing set. It was strange to know that he had a daughter, that she was sitting on this swing. He was so proud of you for bringing this little girl into the world, but he was also incredibly sad he couldn’t be here to help you raise her like he wanted too. Glancing up at the school he narrowed his eyes at the old lady in the window for a moment as she glared at Maisie, you would think she would be more polite to the only living person that could see her. He watched her for a few more minutes until the daycare attendant walked from the building as she looked at her watch.
“Time to come inside!” Miss Britney called as all the other kids started running to her. Giving a quick headcount she looked up and waved her hand giving the little girl a smile. “Maisie! Come on!”
“Watch this daddy!” She said as she jumped from the slow moving swing landing in the sand about a foot in front of where she was before.
“Woah!” Eddie laughed as he followed her towards the house. “You're cooler than I am. You know that?”
Maisie giggled as she ran to the group and walked into the house. Turning she smiled at Eddie as he followed them inside.
The old lady glared at him. “You're not supposed to be here. You take that devil child and get.”
He narrowed his eyes at her his protective side coming out. No one was going to pick on her when he was around. Alive or dead. "Don't you dare call her that. She's just a kid, my kid. So if you have anything nasty to say you say, you say it to me, got it you old hag?”
The woman huffed in indignation before she disappeared. She'd be back. She was the old owner of this home before it was turned into the daycare, not like she could go anywhere. Eddie knew it was rude but he didn’t like the lady. Turning he gave Maisie a little wink as she sat down to color and he sauntered over to the long bench of cubies to perch on top of it. He'd be right here in case she needed him.
Once Mrs. Cunningham left you peaked around the shelf to see Steve glaring at her back as she walked to her car.
“Why don't you ever stick up for yourself?” Steve asked, looking over at you. “What happened to Chrissy wasn't yours or Eddie's fault. It was Vecna.”
“Do you really think anyone would believe me? Trust me if I had the money I would just leave this place and never come back. But I don't want to leave you guys or take Maisie away from Wayne. She's all he's got.”
Sighing, Steve gave you that look that said you were being stubborn.
“No need to rock the boat when the boat's already capsized. I'm just the girl who dated the devil, remember?”
The bell rang again and Robin walked in. “They didn't have any mocha so I got you vanill- hey!”
“Hey Robs.” You waved with a small smile.
“I just saw Mrs. Cunningham walk out… you okay?” She asked as she handed Steve his coffee and leaned on the same side of the counter as you.
“Yeah. She just glared.” You wave it away. No point in being upset about it.
“Great, now that Robins here you can tell us what's up with Maisie.” Steve said as he took a sip of his too hot coffee. He made a face when he burnt his tongue.
“Is she okay? Is she hurt? Sick? I can run to the store to get her medicine if you need me too.” Robin asked quickly. Maisie was the first baby of the group and the need to protect her was strong in everyone. This little girl sure did have a lot of loving Aunts and Uncles. It made your heart swell.
“She's fine.” You soothed, taking a breath you looked at them both. “But I think Maisie's a psychic.”
“She's what?” Steve blinked, rolling his sore tongue on the roof of his mouth to try and get the pain to stop. It didn't help.
“Psychic.”
Steve gave you a confused face as he looked between you and Robin. “You think she's… crazy?”
“That's psycho dingus.” Robin said, rolling her eyes at him. “Mai is like El or something.”
“So she has powers?”
You shrugged a little bit. “Well, she doesn’t have telepathy or anything like that. She's a medium. She can see and talk to ghosts.”
“But, I mean she's four… it could just be her imagination. Like an imaginary friend.” Steve said, taking another drink of his coffee.
“An imaginary friend who is named Eddie and looks just like her dead dad?” You argued as you looked up at him.
Steve choked on his coffee. You watched him sputter as he tried to breathe. “E-eddie?”
“That's what she said.” Wiping at your tired eyes you looked sadly at them. “She knew things that I never told her. Like that I called him Teddy. The jerk even opened every cabinet and drawer in my kitchen because he wanted that damn Garfield mug at his Uncle's. Twice now.”
“Did you or Wayne ever say anything about him in passing?” Robin asked as she fiddled with her coffee lid. “Maybe she picked up on something, you know? Or seen a photo?”
You shook your head. “No, we are very careful about what we say right now. She's already getting hate for being his kid. We don't want her being a bigger target for the town to go after cause she won't stop talking about him. I only told her that his name was Eddie after she mentioned he said she could call him Teddy. I have one photo in my room of him but it's at the top of a shelf that she can’t see."
“Can you… see him?” Steve asked quietly. Weirder things have happened here in Hawkins. “Eddie… I mean?”
You shook your head and looked down at the counter pushing a box of Mike and Ike’s across the counter. You would give anything to see him again. “No. Just Maisie. She described him perfectly, you guys. She told me about his hair and that damn green vest he was wearing when he died. Is this my fault? I didn’t know I was pregnant when we went into the Upside Down. Do you think the spores we were breathing did this?”
Robin and Steve looked at each other before they both sorta shrugged. Steve crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned on the counter closer to you. “I don’t know. But I know it’s not your fault. This might not have anything to do with the Upside Down, it might just be a Maisie thing.”
Nodding you sighed leaning your forehead against the counter top. A Maisie thing…
After your talk with Steve and Robin you tried to go about your day like normal, grabbed some groceries, a coffee, and when the time came you picked up Maisie from her daycare.
She wasn't her normal bouncy self when she ran over to you. Her arms going around your neck as you pulled her into a hug. “Hi baby. Have a good day?”
Shaking her head she shoved her face into your neck as you held her close.
“What's wrong? What happened?” Looking up at Britney as she walked over to you both. “What happened?”
“We had a little incident today.” Britney said as she gave you a sad smile. “I walked away to change one of the smaller kids and one of the boys called Maisie something mean and they got into a fight. Maisie has a few scratches but she gave that boy a black eye.”
“What did he say?” You asked, trying to keep in your anger as you pulled Maisie away from your neck to check on her. She was a little banged up, nothing that wouldn't heal in a day or two. Her eyes were a little red around the edges from her crying.
Britney hesitated a bit before she took a deep breath. “He said his dad told him that her dad was a murder and that you were a witch... He also said that she was a freak, and his dad said he should stay away from her.”
Anger boiled hotter under your skin as you looked around for a kid with a black eye so you could give his parents a matching set. “Where are they? I would like to talk to them.”
“They're already gone.” She said holding her hands out to soothe you. “I told them that since he started the fight that he wasn't allowed back for the rest of the week. He needs to learn that he can't speak to someone that way. But in turn… Maisie is also suspended for the rest of the week since she hit him.”
“Shit…” You mutter, pulling her close to you again. You have to go back to work tomorrow. Would Hopper mind if she came with? You could have her color at your desk... or one of the teens could watch her… “Okay. I’ll.. I'll figure it out.”
“I’m sorry.” Britney frowned. “She can come back next week.”
“See you next week..” Sighing, you picked Maisie up and started towards your car. Maybe Wayne could take her since he has days off… no he needs to sleep since he hasn’t been able to switch to the day shift yet. Once at your car you helped Maisie into her seat you crouched down next to the car so you could be almost eye to eye with her. “Are you okay baby?”
Sniffling Maisie nodded her head as she looked down at her hands.
Nodding, you brushed your hand over her head and gave her a quick kiss to the forehead before you closed her door and got into the driver's seat. Pulling away from the old house you turned on her favorite cassette and made your way through town towards home. It didn’t take you long to get back to Forest Hills and as you pulled into a spot by your house you looked back at Maisie through the rearview mirror to see her looking out her window, her breathing a little fast. “You see something?”
She nodded her head and looked away from whatever she saw, “She has a scary face.”
“It’s okay,” You soothed as you unbuckle your belt. You were trying really hard not to freak out so you didn't panic her. Sometimes her sight scares you. “Just close your eyes and I’ll let you know when it’s okay to open them. Okay?”
You watched her nod again and shut her eyes tightly in that kid way like when they faked being asleep and you quickly grabbed your keys from the ignition and threw your purse over your shoulder as you got out of the car. Looking around you tried to see something, anything, that could be what your daughter saw but as usual there was nothing. Taking a deep breath you moved to her door and went through the paces of getting her out of her carseat before you lifted her into your arms, closing the door behind you and walking up the steps to your home. Unlocking it you moved to the side so the door could swing open and you closed it behind you, quickly you moved to the couch and set her down. “Okay, there we go safe inside. No more scary lady.”
Maisie slowly let one eye open as she looked around the living room, seeing it was safe, you saw her relax.
“I still need to get the groceries from the car,” You said, helping her out of her jacket. “Why don’t you get comfy and then you can help me make dinner. That sound good?”
“Yeah!” She smiled, completely forgetting about the ghost outside the house, as she bounced off the couch and then down the hall to her room to change out of her day clothes. Maisie loved helping you make dinner.
Smiling after her you left the trailer for just a few minutes to grab the bags from the trunk and locked up your car for the night and moved up the small steps to the front door. Turning you give one more sweep around the empty area, your eyes narrowed, and you square your shoulders. “I don’t care who you are or what you want but you leave my baby alone. You’re not welcome in this house.”
Turning you enter your home, closing the door behind you just in time for Maisie to run from her room in her home clothes. It was just a little dress that you made from an old set of curtains and a sewing machine from the goodwill but she loved it. “What’s dinner?”
“I was thinking of grilled cheese and tomato soup.” You said as you put the bag of food on the counter and started pulling out the cans of soup. “That sound good?”
“Yeah!” She smiled as she ran into the kitchen to pull the step stool out of the corner and up to her usual spot at the counter. She was a good little helper and you let her butter the bread as you started on the soup. The knife she used was a kids learner one so there was nothing sharp to hurt herself with. You smiled at her as you handed over four single wrapped things of cheese to open.
Grabbing a pan from under the counter, you cleared your throat and started a second burner. “You wanna tell me what happened at daycare today?”
Maisie stopped peeling the plastic from the cheese to look up at you. “Tony was being mean about daddy and me. He was saying mean things that his daddy told him. I didn’t like it. I told him to stop but he didn’t.”
You listened as you stirred the soup. Letting her tell you in her own time, you had learned from being around Eddie as long as you had that sometimes pushing for an answer would just make the other person feel cornered so you nodded your head giving a little ‘mhm’ as a cue to continue.
“I told him I would tell Miss Britney,” She said as started to open the cheese again. “But he pushed me and called me a tattle tale and a fr-freak. So I got up and I hit him.”
“Gave him a black eye.” You said, looking over your shoulder at her. “Who taught you how to punch huh?”
“Uncle Steve.” She shrugged as she handed over the pieces of buttered bread now that you turned the burner for the soup off to cool.
“Okay,” You’d have to talk to Steve about that. He taught a four year old to punch when he could barely win a fight? “How’d you get those scratches?”
“He put his hands on my face and he scratched me.” She pouted.
“While I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and your daddy, you can’t hit people, baby.”
“I know,” She sighed as felt a zing up her spine and she looked around the kitchen to see Eddie standing at the kitchen door staring at you sadly. “Hi daddy.”
“Hi sweetpea,” Eddie smiled at her before he looked back up at you. Five years older but still just as beautiful as the last time he saw you.
Your back went ramrod straight as you looked over to where she was looking and just saw the empty doorway. “He’s… um… here?”
Maisie nodded and pointed her little hand to where he was standing. “Right there.”
Your eyes moved around the empty space before you gave him a little smile. “Hi babe.”
He smiled as he took a step towards you. “Hi pretty girl.”
Maisie giggled behind her hand as she looked up at you. “He said you were pretty.”
“As he should!” You said smiling back at her before you finished making your dinner.
The two of you sat at the table and ate your dinner chatting lightly about what's going to happen the rest of the week. You'd have to call Hopper later tonight and see if you can bring her down to the station. She had plenty of books she can read, pages to color, little toys she can play with. She'll be fine. You stared at her in awe as she told you about the rest of her day. You had to remind yourself that she was four, but she spoke so well for her age, guess that comes with having no one but adults for friends. She picks up on words and habits like a sponge.
After dinner you set her up with The Little Mermaid and a puzzle as you washed the dishes. After a while you caught yourself staring at your daughter as she sang along with the movie a puzzle piece in her little hand as she watched Ariel sing “Part of Your World” and you wished you could be like her. Seeing so many scary things, dealing with people being rude for the hell of it, and taking it all in stride with only a few bad patches here and there. Really you wished you could see what she sees. Help her learn how to shut the bad things out. How were you supposed to protect her from the things you can't see? You could barely protect her from the things you could.
So lost in your thoughts you jumped as you felt a cold spot grow on the small of your back. Like someone had placed their hand there. It was comforting. Eddie. It was like he was saying that everything would be okay. Looking over your shoulder you watched as a small puff of air left your lips in a little cloud like it did when it was winter. "Eddie, that had better be you or I swear to God…" You mutter trying not to get Maisie's attention.
The feeling left a few seconds later, but that spot stayed cool for a while after that. You finished the dishes quickly and moved to your room to change into your pj's. Looking up at the photo you had of Eddie in your room you smiled sadly. You loved that photo. Eddie was sitting on his Dungeon Master throne in the drama room of Hawkins High, his arms wrapped around your waist as you sat on his lap, his nose was buried in your hair as you laughed at something he said. Pulling on one of Eddie's old band shirts that Wayne gave you after Eddie died you left your room and got comfy on the couch to finish the movie with your little girl as she pointed out things you never noticed before.
You watched her yawn as the movie came to a close and you looked up at the clock to see it was time for her bath and then bed. Together you moved into the bathroom so you could give her her bath, the tub filled to the brim with bubbles as she played with her toys. Once you had scrubbed your girl clean, you wrapped her in a fluffy towel, and dried her off as you got her ready for bed. Tucking her into her little pink princess bed you kissed her forehead as you sat on the bed next to her. “Goodnight baby. I'll see you bright and early in the morning. Do you need anything before you're off to slumberland?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Do you remember what you say if you see something scary?”
“You’re not welcomed here. Get out!”
“Atta girl!” You smiled as you pushed her curls from her forehead.
“Night mommy. I love you.”
“I love you too.” You smiled as she got comfy in the bed, making sure to grab her stuffed bear, Mr. Noodles, that Joyce bought her when she was born, before you stood up and left the bed leaning down to switch on her nightlight before you moved to the door turning off the overhead room light. You stood in the doorway for a moment watching her in the dim purple light of her little nightlight before you left the room leaving the door open just a crack in case she needed you.
You took a few minutes to turn off the TV and clean up her puzzle pieces making sure not to lose any so she can continue it later. Moving into your kitchen you grab the phone off the wall and by heart you hit the buttons for Hopper and Joyce's home. You listened as the phone rang and rang before Jonathon answered.
“Hello?” He said into the phone.
“Jon!” You smiled as you leaned on the wall. “How are you?! Back from college already?”
“Hey!” You heard him smile as he said your name. “Yeah, got in this afternoon. How are you? How's Maisie?”
You caught up with Jonathon for a couple of minutes before you got the courage to ask for Hopper.
“Everything okay?” Jonathan asked.
“Maisie got into a fight at her daycare and now she's not allowed back until next week. I just needed to ask Hop if I could bring her with me to work.”
“Bring her here. I'll watch her.” Jonathan said as he pulled the phone away for a moment to say something to his mom about watching Maisie at their house.
Joyce jumped at the chance to see the little girl and through the receiver you could hear her say “Of course! She's always welcomed here, you know that!”
Your eyes stung with tears as you laughed a little. The love you felt for your found family was otherworldly. “Jon, are you sure? I don't want to mess up any plans you have with Nancy.”
"Yeah!" He said, "Yeah it's fine. Nancy has to work tomorrow so it'll be okay. Plus I'm sure she'd love to see her."
“Thank you guys. I'll bring her by on my way to work. Is eight o'clock okay?”
“That’s perfect!”
Letting out a sigh of relief you thanked him again before you let him go for the night and grabbed your book from the counter. You liked to use the time that Maisie slept to read uninterrupted. Moving back into the living room you got comfy on the couch and opened the book to your saved spot. You had just started to get into the story when the lights started to flicker. Looking at the lamp next to you your heart started to race. Eddie said that the lights flickered when Chrissy was killed by Vecna. It couldn’t be…
Slowly getting off the couch you dropped your book as you stared at the lamp as it continued to flicker randomly before you realized… It was morse' code. S.O.S. Eddie. Looking around the room you jumped letting out a little scream before you clamped your hand over your mouth to keep from waking Maisie as your TV turned on by itself. The static white noise was all you heard before you looked around for the remote that seemed to be missing. You needed to turn it off by hand. Slowly you moved towards it and got down on your knees so you could turn it off. The powering down sounds happened and you breathed a sigh of relief when the world went quiet again. Looking up at the TV your eyes went wide as in the reflection of the screen was Eddie. Sitting behind you so close you could feel the cold. You had been so preoccupied by the lights and the TV you didn't even notice the drop in temperature. Tears collected on your lower lashes as you looked over your shoulder at your empty living room and then back into the TV. "Eddie…"
He smiled at you. Looking as handsome as he was before the demobats attacked him. He looked healthy and whole. You couldn't hear him but you saw his lips move. "Hi baby."
"How…" Shaking your head you smiled at him with a watery laugh, you didn't care. Your daughter wasn't crazy and Eddie was here watching over you both.
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie x reader#eddie munson fanfic#ghost!eddie munson#daddy!eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things 4#stranger things fanfiction#st s4#echoes of you series
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this is an extremely valid fear to have and it's something i've thought about as well . let me go on a tangent here for a minute
i started making fandom edits back in 2017 . i really enjoyed it , it was a lot of fun ! as time went on , i got better and better , and my following grew . but as more people began following me , there was a shift in the way people talked to me . people were starting discourse over everything and they sent me nasty shit in my dms and inbox . everyone was acting entitled , like i was obligated to complete their request , and they were very impatient and rude . and i wasn't the only one going through this !
within a few years , the entire community i was apart of just kinda . collapsed in on itself because people couldn't behave . a whole slew of editing blogs just . quit making content . deleted their entire blog . we lost thousands of edits within the span of a few months .
i still love making edits , don't get me wrong ! i just don't do it as much . and it's because what was a labor of love turned into something that stressed me out .
all of that said . i'm drawing a lot of parallels from that time in my life to what's currently going on . reading the tags on the post i made yesterday and the asks i got about it , i'm not the only one receiving rude and nasty shit . people are acting like we aren't real life people behind the screens . treating us poorly over stupid polls on the internet . it's honestly kinda sad . this is all supposed to be for fun and some people take it too far .
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Maja, can I just say how much I agree with you, and every point you've made. I honestly saw the bullying from the beginning of this whole thing, and I never, and still don't, understand it. I think it's people's way of hitting below the belt, and I don't think that's okay. I understand that people are exhausted with this entire situation, and I don't blame them for being exhausted.
I think the fandom has been through a lot with this situation, but I always saw blogs on here going after his looks, and saying demeaning things about his appearance, and it honestly left me disgusted. A lot of blogs actions and aggressiveness has left me disgusted. I understand calling out someone's hypocrisy, but the amount of meanness is just so unnecessary to me. It's gotten to the point where I just don't visit a lot of blogs anymore because that kind of hostility has just become way too much. There's no need for it, in my opinion.
It's why your blog is one of the very few I read from time to time. No matter the asks, you answer them strongly, and respectively. You give valid points, but you never turn things hostile, and I've never seen you bully Chris, or anyone. All that ridiculing his hairline, or his skin, or his teeth...it's uncalled for. I get people are angry for their own reasons, and I'm not saying that whatever anger or hurt they feel as a result of this situation is invalid, but I don't think people realise that to go that low, and to have that kind of nasty reaction says a lot about them as people. You can make your point of why you don't agree, stand strong in it and then just move on. There's no need to be so crass.
I've never believed in wishing harm on people, I just don't understand that kind of immature behaviour, and I just think there's really no need for it, because at the end of the day, people will eventually reap what they sew. But I don't think he's a bad guy. I just think he's a guy who got a little too comfortable in his lifestyle, foolishly and blindly trusted a lot of no good intention people around him, and made a mistake.
And this isn't talking about what's come out about her, because that kind of stuff I definitely don't agree with either, and it needed to be called out, 100%. But those of us who are on the side of PR believe it's fake, and we have our reasons and evidence for why we believe it's fake, so we state those things, and leave it at that. The other stuff is just wasted breath. And let's be honest, when this is over, these people are all going to go their separate ways and life goes on. It's a brutal, sad fact, but we can't deny it's a fact nonetheless.
I know people might read this, and think I'm taking up for him, and you know what, that's okay. We all have our opinions; at least I presented mine in a respectful, non-hostile way. But I do hope, once all of this is officially done, there can be accord again. And I know the people who want to hate on him will disagree with me, and that's okay too, but I do hope things get better for him down the road. Call me foolish, but I just don't agree with wishing harm or bad things on people. It's not a personality trait of mine, and I refuse to make it one.
Thanks Maja for letting me say my views on the matter. Keep doing what you're doing on your blog, because it's a great example of what a mod should be.
I agree with you. I get that people are exhausted and so tired of this situation that they decide to leave. I also understand if they can't support him anymore. I get it. However, bullying him because of his hairline and teeth is so unnecessary. These things aren't something new; he's been like this for years, and people didn't seem to care about it until he got involved with Alba. Or at least I didn't see it. Seeing some people talk about this and reading a few emails in my inbox about his appearance make it look like people only mention those things because they are mad at him.
I think holding him accountable is really important, and calling him out for hypocrisy and for being associated with people like them is also important. However, his physical appearance has nothing to do with the situation. Bullying him for how he looks is so unnecessary and unkind, and it makes it look like all the other concerns are just brought up from jealousy, which is not true.
I also don't think he is a bad guy. Was he stupid to get into this? Yes. Was this whole thing a terrible idea? Yes. I think his fears and insecurities got him into this situation. That, combined with him thinking he can trust those around him and that they would want the best for him, and the poor partner choice, was the perfect recipe for disaster. And as you said, I also don't want to baby him; however, saying that he's lied about everything in the past 20+ years is, in my opinion, a huge reach. If he was anything like Alba and her friends, we would"ve known about it before she was in the picture. Nobody can pretend to be someone for that long. Nobody can hide their true selves for decades. And he wouldn't always be able to play a role on sets, either.
I guess this whole situation is really hard, because I get that people are disappointed; we all are. I get that people are mad; we all are. But I do think some people take it too far.
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Eddie gluskin alphabet? 👀 That's a whole ass husband right there
Its been in my inbox for a week now😩😩 I didnt know what to put in some letters cuz all 'fluff alphabet ideas' had some weird ideas so I had to use my own brain. Scary Request open
She/her, sfw fluff, eddie gluskin is a bit of warning himself, kinda yandere-ish?
Eddie Gluskin fluff alphabet
Affection (how cuddly and how touchy they are with their partner)
Guy lives for night cuddles and hand holding while walking thrue hospital corridors. He doenst see good relationships without often touches
Body(favorite body part in their lover)
For sake of keeping it sfw im going to write that he really likes her hair and hands! Ooh and if s/o happens to be thick/chubby he gonna flew away
Comfort(how would he comfort his lover)
He would take whole situation very seriously and be straightforward about his opinion. Would grab her hand and lisen to her problems
Dating(are you guys doing on dates? Where and how)
Bestie the only 'outside world' you gonna see is hospital abandoned garden
But he sometimes tries to make atmosphere in one of rooms! Set candles prep some lil meal!
Emotions(how emotionally vulnerable he becomes?)
He never really shows his 'weak' side untill long time in relationship, he simply believes he has no issues regarding his emotional state
Future(what plans they have with their lover)
Definitely big house with a lot of kids, very old school marriage, he works she takes care of home
Gifts(do they give gifts? And how they react to receiving gifts too)
Would give her whole world if he could, if she is very close to him, he gonna spoil her so much
Also he treats any gift he receives like its the most precious thing ever! 'Oh honey you shouldn't give me this you are way to sweet'
Honesty(how sincerely and honest he is)
Even though eggie uses way too much smart words and complements he is rather straightforward about his plans and worries
Injury (how would he react to her getting hurt?)
Angy. Very angy acually. Who? When? Where? How? You stay there while he gets rid of any degenerate tha- you just fell down?? Awww you little silly you are so cute he should spend way more time with you then, if you are so so clumsy
Jealousy (how easly he gets Jealous and what triggers it)
Everyone and everything. He is a good husband and he takes good care of his wife mental health he cant let some disgusting joke of a person ruin their relationship! I mean none will break bond they have, right? Noone
Kiss(where and how they kiss)
Kisses everyday everytime they see eachother. Morning smooches and goodnight ones are must have. Also he loves when she kisses his neck and cheeks
Loyalty (would they cheat?)
No. Shes one and only he would never!
Marriage(do they want to get married)
His whole thing his marriage, he wants it as soon as yall meet! He is her perfect groom and she is his perfect bride
No(what is complete deadbreaker for them)
Also for sake of keeping it sfw imma say: Angry people. He can deal with people who are sad or shy. But when somone attacks him or yells? Rip. Litteraly rip.
Odd(do they have little odd behaviours in relationship)
...
ObBVILUSLY HES FUCKING EDDIE GLUSKIN
Baby if you arent into some weird doctor-patient roleplays or weird misogynistic vibe I recoment turning around. Also he finds scared people cute so yeah he gonna spook her on purpose
Personality (what he finds attractive personality wise)
Shy people, submissive, but he doesnt mind extroverts too. As far as they aren't annoying he's in love
Quality time (what they do in free time with them)
Probably reading, dancing, planning their future, having lil dates
Romantic (how Romantic they are?)
Guy litteraly wears suit every day, he also calls her honey/wifey/dear on daily basis. He is the undead romantic and he won't change, cliché stuff is his favourite
Secrets(what they are hiding)
A LOT, again its EGGIE FUCKING GLUSKIN guy has probably his all ex gf dead in his basement or some other fucked up stuff. Like idk, his biggest secret is that once he saw her in ugly outfit and lied and said that its pretty idk
Trust(how much they trust his other half)
Guy needs good few months if not years to trust her. But if he does omg Lady you could stab him, say it was accident and he would believe her. Its not that he's dumb, he is just mentally ill and kinda delusional (noway)
Understanding
Guy lacks empathy, but he can understand certain issues that she is facing, he will 10p% give her weird protip
Value(how much they value their lover)
Alot. Like his whole plot is looking for perfect love. When he finally finds the one (you) and hes 100% sure that it is it. The one(you). He gonna do anything to keep her alive happy and as lovley as ever. She's the most valuable thing he ever had and he won't just drop her? She is staying in his hand forever
Wildcard(random stuff about them)
Guy finds caring people hot. Please take care of him like he is alittle boy that just fell of swing please do it. Tell him how worried you are and please treat his wounds
X-ray(how much they can read emotions and thoughts of their lover)
Guy totaly isn't and empath but he totaly can read their feelings by expressions and body language.
Yes(how would he propose to her)
Yall seen the game?? Guy is straightforward with it. Just pick her up and "you gonna be my wife you know"
Zzz(sleep habits)
If wife no in bed? Why sleep?
He needs her laying next to him for him to acually relax and fall asleep
#slasher x reader#slasher headcanons#eddie gluskin x reader#eddie gluskin#eddie x reader#request open
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hi. I'm a huge fan of your work. I've been following you since before sad sack even came out. I was around for the very first teasers of it. I am very young... definitely i was too young to be reading sad sack when I was. but I'm an adult now so whatever, harm done. I'm a novelist. you are really one of my greatest artistic inspirations.
I guess my question that I want to say is... how do you finish stories? I have a million started but I always get this horrible voice in my head telling me that it's not worth it to finish, that the next project I do will be better, but I know I'm at the point in my journey where I need to just get something done. how do you do it? do I just need time? do I need to get a little older? do I need to keep failing until I succeed?
thank you so much for everything that you've done, your art brings me so much joy and comfort. many, many times your comics have made me feel like I wasn't alone. please keep doing what you're doing, because I love it, just for me lol.
Hey! This has sat in my inbox for a while i know, to be completely honest it just never feels great to know someone was exposed to my adult work before they should have been, and it can feel like im walking a tenuous line in acknowledging that it happens and not... Doing something about it? Though im not sure what that something would be. I will take your word for it that you are an adult now and as you said, the harm was already done. Im not happy about it but nothing can be done about it now i guess.
I do sincerely appreciate your kind words about mine and Nick's work and I'm glad it's brought you joy, and i hope you were always able to enjoy it with a critical eye too.
As for your question, there is truly no easy answer there or A to B guide that will get you past this hurdle - some people work on years and years on the same thing before releasing it, other's just pump their first work to get it out of the way and while it may not be great, at least its done. Regardless, once you get one thing finished, you will come to realize that its easy to finish others, too. I think regardless of what you do though, you will never look back on your very first work and be happy with it, so its my personal opinion that while you should do your best, you should make peace with the fact that it will not be your best, and that's okay.
As for what I would personally do? Pick something, something short, and something fresh, dont start with that massive story you've been workshopping for 15 years. Start with something you can whip up in a year at the VERY most, something you are currently passionate about, something that interests you right this second. Draft it as quick as you can so you know how it starts and how it ends, and then set yourself up with a schedule to finish it - you don't have to abide by it 100%, but if you give yourself all the time in the world to work on it, you might end up taking up your own offer. If you have a deadline, even if made up, you will have to force yourself to move on when you come across something you aren't entirely happy with instead of becoming stuck on it for days, frustrated, and then proceeding to abandon it as you might have done before. I repeat - you will never be entirely happy with how your first work turns out. So focus on being passionate, proud, and absolutely committed to making it happen at all, instead.
I hope this has helped you at all, im both sorry that you ended up looking at our nasty stuff before you should have and also, again, genuinely glad you find inspiration in it now as a grown person. I wish you the best of luck in your journey as a creator!
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Because I hate myself I kept thinking of sad Steddie things.
So, after everything with Vecna, Steve asks Eddie out. He's come to terms with the fact he is bi and stupid in love with Eddie. Like Steve fell hard and he fell fast so once Eddie is recovered and up and about, Steve asks. It's a lazy warm evening, they are hanging out sharing a joint. It's a peaceful moment and Steve turns to face Eddie and gives him this soft smile. "Go out with me?"
It takes Eddie a moment to process the question but his gut reaction isn't the one Steve is hoping for. Instead Eddie laughs "are you crazy?" Despite everything, Eddie still has some hang ups about ol' King Steve. "Do you have any idea how miserable your little posse made me in high school? The things they said to me about dating guys? Fuck no."
And wow that sobers him up real quick and cuts him to his core. Despite everything that they had gone through Eddie doesn't trust him and Steve doesn't blame him. Steve never partook in Eddie's bullying but he didn't stop it but he thought that maybe after Eddie seeing he had changed things would be different. But it turns out he's just the same asshole he was before. "Right. Right. I-" he stumbles over words because what was he thinking. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. " And then he leaves. He just packs up his stuff and drives back to his empty home to crawl into his bed and he thinks of all the people he loved that he hurt. Nancy comes to mind and yeah, she is right. Everything he is, is bullshit. And so starts the song and dance of avoiding Eddie. He doesn't sit close to Eddie anymore, doesn't braid his hair, doesn't encroach on his space, doesn't draw attention Eddie's attention to him. But that doesn't stop him from pining and doing things on his own. He'll gather little rocks that he thinks Eddie would like, or stops and buys a little knick knack that he knows would make the other laugh, writes little notes to him: Your hair looks nice today. Or I hope your day goes well. But especially I love you.
But
Eddie never sees them. They all go in a little wooden box that gets shoved under his bed. Steve knows it's not healthy but it's really hard for him to let this go because it's hard to fall out of love. Especially since falling in love was the only thing that felt right in his life, didn't make him feel so alone, it didn't make that void in his chest so cold.
Steve masks really well. The kids don't know, Nancy doesn't know. Even Robin doesn't know, at least Steve doesn't think she does. And after a while of masking, it becomes really easy to believe his lie that he is okay. It becomes easier to come to terms with the fact that he's always going to be an asshole and it becomes easier to realize he doesn't deserve love. That doesn't stop him from crying at night, curled up in bed when noone can see his mask crumble.
And he'll get up in the morning, pretend that his feelings for Eddie aren't there, put his patchwork mask back on and try to make it through another day.
i have to admit this was sitting on my inbox for about 4 days because i had no idea what to say. i read this the first time and i immediately teared up. 😭
i dont have anything to add, not when you've sent me a masterpiece that had me crying.
one thing tho: eddie munson if i see you on the streets, its on SIGHT. FISTS UP WE'RE GOING TO BRAWL. 🥊
#I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR THIS TINY GIFT IVE ALREADY THANK YOU BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS ISNT ENOUGH#daerants#dae talks#bobatea talks#steddie rants#steddie
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My input probably isn't needed, since much more intelligent people have already spoken on this, but here are my two cents:
Dark content is okay. It is totally fine if you take interest to it and like it. However, there's a BIG difference between dark content and straight up crimes. Incest and stepcest? Morally and ethically questionable at best, straight up wrong at worst. Not my cup of tea, in fact, I find them very repulsive. But someone else might like it and that's alright - as long as both characters are consenting adults.
What isn't okay is rape and pedophilia. I've seen a rise in both in all fandoms recently, Resident Evil and Call of Duty being ones that hurt me the most. I don't know what's causing it, but it needs to stop ASAP. The first blog I ever followed on Tumblr turned this way recently, and I was so disappointed and sad. A person who used to write eye-catching stories and amazingly written smut turned out to be someone who now almost exclusively writes non-con. It hurt me to press that unfollow button. Rape is never okay and should never be romanticized. People need to accept that.
Pedophilia? Y'all are just disgusting for that. There are young and impressionable people on this app, and no amount of minors DNI warnings will make them go away, because they're hormonal kids and they like what is forbidden. I know from my own experience, I was very much underage when I first started Wattpad, then AO3, then Tumblr. I read smut at the age I shouldn't have. Thankfully, I was a bit more self aware and emotionally mature than mist people my age, so I ended up fine, thank God. I knew what was kinky and what was wrong and the distinction between the two.
But the vast majority of kids aren't like that, and when they read fanfics that romanticize grooming, pedophilia and rape, they will get the impression those things are normal IRL and it's okay to do them and/or it's okay if it's done to you. SOME OF Y'ALL'S WRITING IS ACTIVELY PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE ***AND MINORS*** IN DANGER, AND THAT SHOULD NEVER ***EVER*** BE NORMALIZED, ***YOU SHOULD STOP***!!!
I know this isn't what I usually leave in your inbox, nic, but this needs to be talked about every chance we get, because it's unfortunately getting normalized to sexualize minors and victims :(
Y'all stay safe out there, please <<3
-🌑
Hey New Moon anon honey, I've missed you and thought about you recently. I saw this when you first sent it to me, and I've been meaning to answer this for a while as well as my other messages in my inbox but I was just so exhausted as a whole I couldn't give you a proper answer. But I have enough brain power now to respond lol.
First, I do appreciate and value your input, I agree with everything you said and also relate to you heavily. I was also in the COD fandom for a while when I first came on to Tumblr before I formally transitioned into the RE fandom, and I saw that same trend with people who wrote for Ghost & Konig in particular. I can write essays on the correlation of the fantasy behind sexual violence and military propaganda but then we'd be here all day. It's also difficult to read characters that have a canon history of sexual abuse (Ghost/Simon Riley) inflict that same level of harm onto other characters even if it's fictional. There are a lot of layers to violence and aggression in sexual culture, particularly in environments where the military is involved since that's something people who are in the military go through, but I don't want to dwell on that too much.
Personally, being someone who started engaging in sexual content and material at a very young age because I got too curious on the internet, I know how dangerous it can be. I know how it can fuck with your head when you see something online and get too engaged in it that you want to recreate it out of curiosity. Minors often have this experience, especially when they reach an age where they want to replicate or mimic what they consume. It happens at all ages, it’s not their fault, and with the hormones that run through their bodies, it's inevitable. That's why I'm emphasizing just being safe on the internet with what we as creators release to be shared and spread around when we live in an age of unrestricted internet access across all platforms regardless of how hard you try to use filters and warnings.
I hope that at some point, the content we see when it comes to smut writing or writing as a whole kind of calms down in the RE fandom, but until then all you can do is block tags, spread awareness, and keep it pushing.
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shintaro and kanos toxic relationship can be something so deeply appealing because of how horrible they are for each other. like. kano having to analyze his actual emotions towards shintaro and shintaro also finally giving in to the im bisexual crisis and also dude youre aware thats your dead girlfriend’s little brother right? also something something kano getting upset with shintaro and using his eye powers to turn into ayano just to hurt him. theyre unhealthy. they make me absolutely insane ok sorry if this was unintelligible in ur inbox lmao
RIGHT but ALSO IT COULD EVENTUALLY TURN INTO SOMETHING HEALTHY... like ofc a lot of clownery has to go on before and that clownery is so so so so so so much fun to explore. but i do think they're capable of getting to a point of a peaceful relationship despite it involves mutual compliance/resignation with both each other and themselves that leads to WOW eventual happiness and contentment with each other. it gets to a point where they aren't together out of their own gratification but bc they LIKE EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE AND YEAH THEY ALWAYS DID BUT THEY NEVER LIKED EACH OTHER MORE THAN THEY RESENTED EACH OTHER BUT NOW THEY DONT RESENT IT THEY JUST LIKE EACH OTHER AND THATS ENOUGH(holds head) bc "well i guess we deserve each other" and it is still sad but...not so much?? idk if that makes sense. but like... Healthy peaceful kanoshin (explodes) like they're arguing and getting all on each other's faces and the Dan's like can u stop fighting and theyre like ?? that's just how we talk though we arent fighting? and they rly arent. ppl who have never been in a loving relationship (not necessarily romantic by the way) with this dynamic wont understand but it IS possible. *shakes you*
idk ive read some stuff where they're so tooth rottingly sweet to each other and i just can't see it💔 i think they can have rare tender moments ofc and they DO but then both act super awkward despite they're in a relationship LOL like they can have 1 tender moment then turn around and just sit there holding hands and awkwardly scrolling on their phones idk idk idk (goes crazy) or they just tease each other abt it or whatever. i think they both rather show affection physically rather than verbally?? i think kanos super touchy. shintaros like do u have to sit here (shot of the completely empty couch aside from shintaro sitting on the edge and kano pressed right beside him) and kano's like wdym. kano's always with an arm around him even if hes shorter. hehe. its so normal shintaro gets used to it so kano just casually throws himself on his lap and shintaro's just like lifting his arms to give him space and never looks away from his phone *destroys all my pillows shaking them like a dog*
not me getting into love language territory. sorry. whatever. idk what all of them even are i think there is 5 but kanoshin is NOT words of affirmation. i think both want them but can't handle hearing it. like yeah they flirt (it IS cringe) but man idk i just cant imagine them being super outwardly sweet to each other... like their flirting is super cringe its the oh REAAAALLY?? kind of flirting not HEHE... kind. DO U UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING OR AM I INSANE
sorry u sent an ask abt toxic kanoshin and i answered with fluff THATS NOT TO SAY UR WRONG. UR TOTALLY RIGHT. BUT I THINK THEY CAN GET TO A GOOD POINT TOGETHER AFTER A LONG CIRCUS MOMENT i just felt bad i kept using them as punching bags everytime i talked abt them... and they are both so capable of love. they are so capable of love that is why they suffer like they do(holds head) they deserve to flirt and be silly i think. tender kanoshin *world explosion*
BTW u mentioned dead ayano. dont get me started on dead or alive ayano for str thats another subject (quickly: dead ayano is a more meaningful end but AYANO I LOVE YOU so i always keep her alive in my post str stuff) kanoshin can work even if ayano lives‼️‼️‼️ ALSO COME ON THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH FUNNIER
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Late Night Pizza Stop - Xigbar
notes - pov: you're tonberry and you have over 30 requests in your inbox, but in your soul you wanted to write for xigbar, so you did LMFAO. well, I know there aren't a ton of kh fans on here, but for my xigbar simps, this one is for you <3 I have been simping over this man, so please enjoy my mini fic <3
word count - 472
You woke up to the sound of you window opening. Of course.
You rubbed your eyes and checked the time. It was 2 in the morning. God, of course he thought it would be a good idea to crawl into your room like the little rat he is right when you were finally getting some good sleep.
"Xigbar," you said with an unamused expression, watching the tall, lanky man try to squeeze his way through the open window. "What the hell are you doing?"
He shot you a crooked smile before falling face first onto your floor with a muffled "ow."
You crossed your arms and Xigbar stood up slowly, trying to play him falling off as nothing leaning on your desk chair that he didn't realize had wheels until he was flat on his face again.
"Xigbar, you're a dumbass."
"You're a dumbass." He said, getting up and rubbing his downward nose that he could've swore was broken.
"Well I'm not the one crawling through people's window's while they're sleeping, am I?"
Xigbar just chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I just found this really cool pizza shop in this world I was travelling to and I wanted to take you there."
You stared at Xigbar blankly. "So you're telling me.... you woke me up at two in the morning... for pizza?"
"Yes?"
You sighed, but couldn't help the smile that was creeping onto your lips. "Fine. Let me throw a jacket on and we can go get this dumb pizza."
"Look, if you don't wanna go, that's fine. I didn't mean to wake you, I thought you would be up." Xigbar followed you like a sad puppy.
"Look, Xig, pizza actually sounds godly and I honestly don't think I can go back to sleep." You pulled on your jacket and turned to Xigbar, who was pouting. "I'm fine," you giggled, pulling Xigbar into your arms. For being a whole bunch of nothing, he sure was warm. "Plus, I know you don't actually feel bad, Xig. You don't feel anything."
"Shut up." He said, pulling away from the hug and pressing a small kiss onto your lips. "You make me feel something."
"Ha, ha, very funny." You stepped into a pair of slippers and Xigbar opened a portal for the two of you to step through which ended you both up in front of the pizza shop. Even outside it smelled godly.
"I mean it, goober." He told you before pressing one more kiss onto your temple and leading you into the back of the pizza shop holding the small of your back.
To be honest, you were glad that Xigbar showed up. You couldn't sleep anyway. And he knew that too. For a guy who couldn't feel a thing, he sure knew how to make you smile.
~~~~~
kingdom hearts masterlist | pinned post
2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated
~~~~~
#god i love him#he's just a crusty rat and for that i love him even more#writing#fanfic#my writing#<3#fanfiction#kingdom hearts#kh#kh x reader#kingdom hearts x reader#xigbar#xigbar x reader#luxu#luxu x reader#braig#braig x reader
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Hi there!
Sorry to barge in on your inbox like this but i was very intrigued by your post about Leon's flirting with Shen Mei. And I'll just start by saying i agree. I loved the breakdown because as much as i love Leon i also love the fact that he's not flawless.
I just think that people let Leon's compassionate nature cloud their perception on him a bit and it's fine, y'know? It's a perception albeit different still, everyone's entitled to different opinions and such. I just think that the way you put it simply a desperation born out of loneliness makes perfect sense and isn't out of the place either. I'm sure Leon would want to have a genuine connection and a relationship with someone. Were the circumstances different. But to put it simple it's... a human tragedy. The only people that ever genuinely seemed to look out for him or care about him were taken out of the story after a single title or just died in the most tragic circumstances. Yes I'm looking at RE4R's Ashley (written out), Luis and Krauser.
But all that said, i also like that there are two separate timelines now that are both considered canon. So people can choose. And for this case alone I'm just gonna say i prefer the writing of the remakes. Which makes me wonder if the CGI movies now only stand for OG canonicity due to the writing and everything.
Regardless if you're interested on explaining the timeline I'd be happy to read it. I loved your breakdown of Leon in that one scene from ID alone. ✨
Yes! I saw people vague-posting and complaining about my post, as if Leon's sex life comes at the cost of his morality. I think people also just took what they wanted out of it and deliberately misinterpreted it. Like.. people are free to think what they want and I'm not claiming my analysis is the supreme truth, but it's very clear that some folks openly reject the idea of Leon being imperfect in ways that aren't pretty because they'd rather focus strictly on his compassion.
Compassion like his comes at a cost, and that's something we've seen throughout the franchise. i.e. Leon giving up his freedom for Sherry in RE2, or him being fully willing to sabotage his relationship with Claire at the end of Infinite Darkness over the data chip because he doesn't want agents to go after her, or him not clearing his name by turning Helena in to the authorities in RE6. Leon's compassion is the whole reason why I came to the conclusion I did about the scene with Shen Mei, because he is absolutely the type of person who would suffer a life of loneliness willingly just to avoid hurting anyone else.
I think it's also just the common mentality that mental health issues are only ever tolerated when they're pretty. If Leon's just a sad wet rat of a guy whose flaws never impact another person and he's only ever a detriment to himself (which seems to be the general consensus people come to when they analyze/think of RE4R Leon), then it's okay. But mental health issues are notoriously ugly.
Men are also notoriously fucking annoying, and unfortunately for everyone, OG Leon's got just a sprinkling of that fuckboi flavor. Real human pest energy. That half-serious "soooo...?" is a testament to that. What we should actually focus on is how nicely he accepts rejection lol. What an American hero!!!!
Also in regards to the CGI movies - I mentioned this in the last ask I answered, but the CGI movies exist within the original timeline and aren't made to hold up with the remakes for the sake of continuity.
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My heart is broken because male fantasies have woven their way into our lives and destroyed female solidarity. The incestious feelings women in writing have scare me. You can be turned on by pretending your boyfriend / favorite character is your dad but never forget that the same men who get hard to that most likely will get hard to your children or their children calling them daddy. It is the pedophillic society we live in that makes it so romanticizing pedophillia isn’t frowned upon, talking about the pain it brings upon this world is what’s wrong. Call me a kinkshamer, call me a prude ( I’m not I wanna suck John wicks cock like there’s no tomorrow, I would lick that man’s asshole) but i don’t care. I hope every woman who is into these despicable things don’t have or are around child because they side with the rapists.
Lots of misunderstanding here I think. It's really not that deep, I promise you.
"Male fantasies have woven their way into our lives and destroyed female solidarity" that's rich coming from someone who is lecturing me, a woman, in my inbox. Women are supposed to stick together, right? Nice that you're accusing me, a woman, of supporting pedophilia (I'm not btw, and I'll get into that too). Isn't it interesting how women will shit on each other for being too "vanilla" in bed, but if they're too kinky or god forbid do anything remotely "taboo" in the privacy of their own bedroom, they still get shit on? Seems like we can't win. But no, definitely blame a woman for that, not men. It's all my fault, as a woman. Calling me "sad" for having my own agency and choosing what I want to write about. Oh, and you're also lucky I am not myself a victim of child sex abuse otherwise you'd feel pretty damn foolish for throwing around the term "pedophilic" so flippantly, I'm sure.
YOU are the one bringing kids into this. If you read my fic (which I am sure you didn't, and if you did, reading comprehension lessons are in order I'm afraid), you would know that there are no children involved and that this is a relationship (not real, might I add) between two consenting adults. And what are they doing? Reader calls Daryl "daddy" and Daryl calls himself that too. I understand if this isn't your thing. I respect that, I get it. I'm only marginally into it anyway, I just like to write shit that I am in the mood for. You don't have to read it, but don't go around saying anyone who enjoys that kind of thing is supporting and standing beside rapists. If that's your opinion whatever, but keep it to yourself because (surprise surprise) people aren't going to take very kindly to that.
If you want to go on this moral crusade, trying to shame people into believing that the use of a single WORD/pet name is harmful to society, I would suggest lecturing people in this fandom who write Carl x Negan, Daryl x Beth, Daryl x Lydia, Daryl x Judith... Why are you coming at me for writing a consenting adult/adult relationship that just happens to involve the use of the word "daddy?" Literally a word. Vibrations.
Where is this energy for, say, noncon/dubcon fanfiction? I can assure you that there are MUCH worse things being written out there. I side-eye certain things that I see, but do I go on anon and act all high and mighty in those writers' askboxes? No, I stay in my lane and I just ignore it because it's not my thing. I also don't think low of those people just because of what they choose to write. If that's what they want to do, that's what they want to do. Not my thing. I don't bother them about it. But you seem to think you're saving the world and being some kind of hero apparently.
I agree that there are many facets of society that romanticize pedophilia, but I don't think one piece of fanfiction shared on Tumblr is going to make any difference in that. I am not the person you need to be lecturing. Why don't you save that energy for actual pedophiles and people who sexualize minors. I am not sexualizing minors.
It is not my job to regulate how you interpret my writing. It is not my job to cater to you, a person who can't differentiate the sexual context of a word from the non-sexual context of it, a person who makes something into something it clearly isn't. Daddy is not inherently sexual, just as any other pet name is not inherently sexual. Yeah, I made it sexual. We could go into the psychology of it but at the end of the day, it's just a goddamn word.
Also love that you're making a joke about eating ass while ranting about something so serious and disgusting as pedophilia in the same breath, and I am the weird one. I don't think what I wrote was pedophilic. If you choose to believe that, that's your prerogative. You sending this to me isn't going to change my mind because I simply disagree with you.
"I hope every woman who is into these despicable things don’t have or are around child because they side with the rapists." Wow, that's some female solidarity right there!
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9 days you aren't here??? 😭😭😭
Only 9? 😵💫 well. Over a week is long, yee. 🥺
I'm not ready. 😞 Lemme hide longer. I didn't wanna come on Tumblr and be sad. Tumblr is my happy fandom space where I can fangirl over husbands and wifeys. My depression is eating me alive and I can't blame it on my anxiety anymore. I haven't written or drawn anything since some time in August I think???
Everytime I try and look at something, I'll look at it for 15 seconds and then go "Nope". Other people's works too. Most of the time, I get 2 sentences into a fic and my brains like, "NoOoOoaaaaAAAAH".
The worst part is that it's spooky season! 😭 And my soul is screaming HALLOWEEN! I got Hocus Pocus gods to finish drawing! And- and a fanfic to go with it because Hocus Pocus 2 was amazing! 🥺
I'm not too hot. But don’t worry, my spite for the gods is more powerful than my urge to unexist. I’m too spiteful to die. Those guys will have to take me to the Heavens kicking and screaming before I go anywhere. 😤
Um. But I did go out and touch grass. Literally. And I found a cool treasure. But it turned out my treasure was alive... So I had to bring it back where I found it. Ahem... treasure👇🏻 🐌
And of course I’ve been distracting myself with making husbands stronger. So if you want to add me on Genshin to make sure I’m doing my daily commissions and maybe just verify my existence is still going on strong: UID638426690
Because I got Zhongli 2 days ago and I want to replace Baizhu on my team with him 😭 but every time any of my characters get even 1k of damage I'm treating them like fragile babies that can die at any second. BUT ZHONGLI CAN PROTECT DILUC FROM HIS OWN FLAMES SO HE NEEDS TO BE HERE WHILE DILUC, TIGHNARI, AND WANDERER BURN THE WORLD DOWN.
So I’m saving for Neuvillette at the end of the month and these are my main guys right now:
I appreciate all the niceness, though I don’t have the energy to do anything with it all and there’s just an accumulation of it. And that I can’t answer many asks or dig in my messages.😵💫 I might feel strong enough to go into my inbox someday.
Thank you for coming to Groundhog Day. I saw my shadow. I’m going back in my hole. 🍃
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Please tell me everything about "Let the devil be my witness", the creative process and all, i love ot so much 💜💜💜
🥰🥰🥰🥰
(The question is if someone is really reading this monster here, haha).
Thank you soooo much. So, these two stories belong together. I can't do one without the other, that's why I'm gonna answer them together and start with All my friends (as it's the first) and Let the devil be my witness. Tho as a warning, it's really fluid, it's always about both but because I'm gonna re-read them in this order.
“All my friends told me you’d break my heart.”
This all started as a prompt. It was still in my inbox and I went through the prompts after not writing for a bit, I don't know it was catching my eye. I wanted to write Thomas and Ethan in a story together and I wanted to write something sad
During the time when I wrote it and “Let the Devil...” I was listening to MIKA a lot. Especially Happy Ending (and I'm doing it now, just because that kind of belongs to me writing this story). And I can confidentely say that this story wouldn't exist without this song, neither would Let the devil be my witness exist. As I said, I wanted to write something that is sad because that song is incredibely sad actually but I also wanted to capture the If anything should happen, I'd guess I wish you well and the Then live the rest of our life, but not together. It actually was supposed to not get a happy ending, I didn't want this story to get one because I mapped it out as a story and there was just no space for any good ending in my head during that time. I had it all kinda clear in my head: the beginning of them meeting, Reader and Ethan meeting, Thomas finding out about them, Thomas x Reader x Ethan, that they break up, that Thomas moves to L.A., that Reader moves, that they have new partners, that Thomas is incredibely unhappy, that everything goes wrong and that he is sure that everything is his fault, that the band breaks up, that Thomas and Reader meet again in Rome. That was all in my head already for All my friends. BUT the end was supposed to be something different. They meet, they talk, they have that one night and then they do live without each other and only meet fifthteen years later again at a beach. Reader walking down the beach with her dogs and with someone elses hand in hers. While Thomas sits there watching a sunset, also with his dog. And someone else. But still it wasn't supposed to be a good ending for them together, or for Thomas alone actually. That was supposed to be the end, and I actually do think about writing it still, but only as a short thing and not as the ending this story has now because in the end I do think this story did get the ending it deserved and should have. More like an alternative ending to the story, as a bonus, you know. I'll explain why it didn't stay with the sad ending later
I wanted it to start with how Reader and Thomas met on a night out, because that's where their story starts. There was no need to tell something else beforehand or to start at another point. It was really clear for me to start it where it should start with them (even tho Ethan is a part of this, Thomas is the driving force → his character would say otherwise but the love they have for each other is flowing through both fics, it wouldn't have made sense to start it with Thomas x Reader x Ethan). And that Reader is kind of lost in a new city until Thomas just empties his cocktail over her dress and it all makes it better because in that moment she found a friend
"[...] always will make a good story when you talk about it weeks, months, even years later and everyone will laugh about it with you. Even when the story turns into a bittersweet memory at some point in time." → I wanted to empathise that years later she is still talking about him, that it is a fond memory to meet him. The people she is telling that story aren't laughing without her. They are laughing with her, Reader loves to tell that story but there's no denying that her own perception of the story changes with the years, because at fond as she is of that memory it also hurts. A lot. And I wanted to make it clear from the beginning that this is exactly what it is, bittersweet
Thomas already says in "All my friends" that Rome will always be home, that he'll always come back, that's something he says to Reader the first night they met and you know in "Let the devil" he tells her that he misses Rome when he's living in the US. And he does say that he'll never be anywhere that happy than he's there when he comes back. He knew this, he knew it in that first conversation already, and Reader knows it as well, and he still tried to make it work somewhere else
I didn't want them to just fuck and then fall in love on first sight, that first evening. I believe that to be absolutely unbelievable for Thomas & Reader in this story. They need time to get to know each other, Thomas needs familiarity - he isn't overly thrusting either, tho friendly and open - he wants Reader to make friends (him, the bar girl he intruduces to her, the band later), they are also both not searching for a relationship, they just happen to each other and they don't even notice it. It doesn't catch up with them until it's already too late, I wanted them being too slow with catching up with themselves or with each other
Thomas isn't getting back to Reader for weeks, he's on tour, his head is somewhere completely different and he's tired. As said they both didn't look for anything that evening, Thomas was there for fun, Reader was there to just get out of the house. He literally didn't think anything about it when it happened or after. And Reader has his number, she isn't reaching out either. So in a scene that I cut out (it didn't add to the story, it was already clear without that Thomas didn't write for weeks and then he did - just not why but the reason could have been any), Thomas tells Ethan about that girl he met and he thought he could befriend because she seemed fun and that he promised to show her Rome but that he didn't get around to write her until now. And Ethan is the one who tells him that he can't break a promise
"You also don’t question the fingers poking his stomach." → Debatable who's fingers are in the picture because in my head there where two possibilities, why I left it in. It's either another girls fingers or Ethan's
And then when he does get in touch, there's no blaming him (he likes that very much), and they talk a lot and he sends something he plays on the acoustic guitar because music is a language to him. He does it instead of saying goodnight and that's why Reader does fall asleep to it
They are going on their "date", it's not a date. They aren't aware Thomas will think about it as their first date years later. But there are little hints here and there already that they are indeed falling for each other. Thomas taking Reader's hand, the little touches, Thomas' head on Reader's shoulder, Reader who wants to touch him - let her fingers comb through his hair - but she's holding back in contrast to Thomas, she's trying not to fall for him and she manages that time around. And maybe that is a mistake, and wanted to write it as being a mistake, holding back
So. Thomas didn't get in touch when he said he would. They want to meet again, and he just isn't showing up. No text, no nothing from him. It's frustrating for Reader but I also wanted to show that Thomas isn't reliable, it's not that serious for him at that point. It's not like he's trying to woo someone, not at all, that's the mess he is. And despite and maybe even because of it Reader still falls in love with him. And I said it before Thomas likes that he is forgiven for those things, not told off, but liked regardless
And it still doesn't catch up to them, but they talk regulary now. About everything that worries them, stresses them, where they want to be, a lot. Thomas trusts her a lot more now than he did in the beginning, he tells her when he struggles sleeping for example and he wouldn't have done that in the beginning
And then Ethan turns up, Ethan who's sosososososo different than Thomas in everything. From character, to Thomas' loud persona, to how he looks. He is completely different and I hope that came out in the story. Because he's also a lot different than Thomas to her. He isn't like Thomas, he doesn't need the feeling or the familiarity, he can just take her home, what Thomas didn't manage to do over all those months
And after sleeping with Ethan, it's the first time that Reader actually realises that she is in fact really in love with Thomas. Maybe even a lot more than she thought. I wanted it to happen in that situation, just hitting Reader that Thomas would be so different, that sex with Thomas would be so different, and that this different is exactly what she wants. So much that it actually makes her cry because Reader does realise something here went wrong and still neither her or him are stopping. Ethan isn't stopping when Thomas tells him that he's crushing even tho he knows that this will wreck him (and he still isn't an asshole), and Reader doesn't because it's something. It's something more than what Thomas is giving her and she isn't aware of his feelings. But Ethan can see it (in my head he already could before they end up in bed) but it's also Thomas' life, not his, he has to decide what to do with it, he can't do things for him because also he doesn't want to gamble away Thomas' trust like that
I really wanted this to hurt for Thomas (and for Reader to hurt to see how much he is hurting and for Ethan too, even tho he stays almost calm in the moment) and to be sad. I wanted him to be sad, without being pathetic. I wanted him to scream because he feels betrayed, he told Ethan about his crush and that's what he has gotten back in his opinion, I wanted him to cry and that tiny bit of feeling violent because there's so much emotion in him, he doesn't know how to handle it, it's just too much. Also he isn't asking "Why did you do this", he especially asks Ethan why he is doing it to him because for Thomas it feels like Ethan has done it to hurt him (and maybe there's something true about it as there's something true about what Ethan says much later, that he does love Thomas but not as he needs and Ethan probably already does know that when he ends up in bed with Reader).
And above all he tells her that he gets it why she or anyone for that matter would choose Ethan over him, it's okay. It hurts but it is okay, they are just different and in that moment he feels incredibely stupid against Ethan and maybe also a bit humiliated. He calls himself stupid and silly before anyone else can do it, so at least he can do it before them, he's using it to defend himself before anyone can attack him with it. All while Reader sees everything she actually wants, and especially because it's so different from Ethan, in Thomas
Ethan actually is sure that Thomas won't punch him, because he knows Thomas but also because he knows that both of them know that Thomas doesn't has that much strength and he would always lose that fight. But it's also not what Thomas does, he "just" gets him to fall in the pool because he needs some kind of revenge in that moment, because Thomas knows all that as well. And then he just curls up, and cries, and wants to rip himself apart, he’s distressed. That’s one of his best friends, a person he has to work with, a person he has to function with, a person he loves - and he did that to him. But still he already feels sorry when he actually followed his impulse
And when Reader tells him that he isn’t stupid or anything he just said, he’s repulsive because he doesn’t want to hear it because someone feels sorry for him, he needs to hear it because they mean it, and it that moment he just can’t believe it - not from anyone by the way
““You know, all my friends told me you …”“ - It’s interrupted here because Reader knows where this is going but she doesn’t wants to hear it because she didn’t even had a chance with Thomas yet, that’s why she kisses him because she meant everything she said and she doesn’t know how to make that clear to him otherwise. And as comes out in “Let the Devil...” Vic said it to him as one of his friends after he finally did go to her and told her that he thinks he’s crushing, and Vic probably already had her suspicions about Ethan at that point
Would have been unrealistic to have Thomas act as if everything is okay between him and Ethan because it is not. Not at all, he will function for the sake of the band when he has to but nothing more.
Only when Ethan talks to Reader it’s getting clear that Ethan didn’t know about Thomas’ feelings when this started (but later he did, he just didn’t stop). That’s something all three suck at in this story, but especially Thomas, communication - and I hope that this at least can be seen a little bit in this story in the actions from Thomas. If Thomas would have had Ethan talk to him, he would have known already, but instead of communicating Thomas always reverts back to something else, even tho when he loves to talk, his feelings aren’t included in that
““And I see how he is around you and maybe I was selfish here? I should have been a decent human being but I wasn’t“ → As I said Ethan isn’t an asshole in this, he might has had his asshole moment, but that’s it. And Ethan knows that, he knows that he has hurt Thomas - a lot, he knows that they both love each other, and he also knows that he was a selfish prick - he got sex with Reader and Thomas (and Thomas who acts alot like he does around Reader as well when he is with him)
And then Thomas starts again, not getting in touch, just getting back into his little shell and revert back to the most stupid thing, if we don’t talk, I don’t have to deal with it. But Ethan isn’t giving up, and he feels horrible that he did that to Thomas but on the other hand he also isn’t completely selfless (and I never wanted him to be that in those stories)
The sex was ... Kinda fun to write for this? Tho, I have to be honest, when I write a story I always leave the sex part to write for last as it’s usually the part I enjoy the least to write (sometimes it’s different, but here it came last definitely). They needed Ethan as an initiator (and maybe they needed Ethan in their relationship as a third at least sometimes to balance them out), otherwise they would have never made it. To become lovers, friends again or ending up in bed, without Ethan they would have just become two people that would have forgotten each other. Which makes Ethan so important for the whole story and also to them
Even tho Ethan initiates the sex that night and also has his fun, obviously, he knows that this night is about Thomas but he knows that it also can’t be obvious because Thomas would jump at him, but it’s all about him, Reader undressing him, Thomas being touched and kissed, getting him so desperate that he just comes all over himself even tho he isn’t doing anything - he can just watch (and it’s kind of their situation from before all over but this time he’s allowed to be part of it) and this time he also sees how much Reader wants him because she will move with Ethan, but always in a way so she can reach Thomas still in any way that’s possible. And in how many ways Thomas doesn’t want to be pathetic and doesn’t like to be talked about like that, Ethan calls him exactly that in bed, for which Reader wants to call him out but it does something to Thomas. That’s where he wants to be pathetic, he just wants to be a little mess and feel good about it because there’s he allowed to feel good about it while also being incredible hot for his partners, and it had to come from Ethan. Because he knows that Ethan allows him to be like that and that he isn’t seeing anything bad in it or in Thomas. But I still wanted to write it as in Thomas is insecure but not because he’s really insecure, he learned to live with himself, but because of people judging him, he doesn’t like that, why he for example isn’t doing some things (eating Reader out - in front of Ethan)
And then it’s five years later and so much unknown. Just a pool where we already have been when Thomas saw them both kiss and another party. And the little hints what happened. But as I said for this story it was enough
“Always a reminder somewhere that you had him, and let him go. You know when he’s too drunk or down or both. Not because you’re in contact but because that’s the time when he slides into your Instagram DMs, telling you how his day was, what he’s doing, that he’s tired.“ → This was when I actually knew that I can’t write that sad ending. It kinda changed while writing already, me doubting if this story needs a sad ending or if it isn’t sad enough that there’s so much time lost between them already. They weren’t talking to each other, but Thomas now always said something, even when it’s just something little, he learned a little bit. He doesn’t want to give up, he can’t give up and somehow he maybe wanted that Happy End a little too much, so I had to give it to him. Everything else would have felt wrong and even now, even tho I know, I wrote them a happy ending, when I think about the sad ending, I need to cry, hahaha
“You don’t even know how you avoided them all this time since you’re back.“ → Oh, girlie ... Thomas made sure of that 😭 Even tho he learned to say things he wants to get off his chest, he’s still running away
““Everything gets a little too loud around you, you let yourself sink into the pool. Underwater there’s finally silence again. For a little bit, just not enough. And the silence dies when there are hands around your waist, pulling you out of the water. You blink your eyes open, just to look into hazel ones.” → I wanted to get the pool and drowning metaphor from the beginning when Ethan and Thomas fight and it feels like drowning for her back for the end, when she sees them again. Just that this time she really goes underwater and even tho Thomas doesn’t want to talk, he’s worried and that’s why gets her from underwater
As I said, a lot of hints what happened over the five years in this already, like that Thomas bought the house, the band broke up, his tattoos, ect
“Ethan sighs: “Just don’t tell Vic or Damiano that I know of it, or that I approved of this, or that I still can’t say no to you after all this time.”” → It’s literally Ethan’s biggest struggle, he can’t say no to Thomas whatever he tries, he just can’t - and he can’t see him unhappy
That might be weird, but there’s a really big contrast in what they’re both saying to each other. Thomas is finally finishing his sentence that all his friends told him she would break her heart, and she finally lets him because she did break it and she needed to hear it from him how much it did hurt over those years after they actually had time together and Reader who says I love you (even tho she also was hurt) and Thomas also never told her that, she always knew that Thomas loved her, she didn’t need to hear that but Thomas didn’t know because he never heard it and he needed that
“Ethan is back at the kitchen isle, watching you, smiling. And you know there’s space in all of this for him too, somewhere.” → Yes, there’s space for Ethan. Because Ethan says in “Let the devil...”, Thomas and him in any other constellation wouldn’t work together. The truth is, Thomas and Reader probably also wouldn’t work without Ethan, however much those two love each other
Let the devil be my witness
It was a balancing act to write "Let the devil" in the way I wrote it. I wanted it to be understandable to people who didn't even read "All my friends" but I also wanted to give some people who loved "All my friends" more of the same story and that it feels like the same story to them (and to me). There's always references back to "All my friends", while in "All my friends" there are already things mentioned that happen in "Let the devil" because in my head the five years it covers where already in my head but for "All my friends" in the end the whole five years haven't been necessary to explore. It was only important that it happened, just like that, from one day to the other and then it's already five years later
I structured it a bit different, started with Thomas planning the party like at this time now and then going back in time through what happened to both of them (and Ethan) through the years
Thomas still has some very unhealthy coping mechanisms in this part as well, he just can’t get rid of them completely
It was important to me to show the relationship / friendship between Ethan and Thomas a bit more in this part, I did have the feeling that Ethan came a bit short in the first part and especially Ethan together with Thomas, even tho that’s one of the most important things in the whole story. I just wanted to show how they are with each other, how some things change, how some things never change over the years. How they often share one bed (do with that what you want) still, how Thomas relies on Ethan a lot and how Ethan will always be there, however stupid Thomas is, Ethan always lets him back in. Because and I can’t stress this enough, Thomas is Ethan’s achilles heel, and everyone knows that (just not Thomas - or he just wants to be oblivious)
Ethan is scrolling through Thomas’ DM’s and he sees that it’s always only Thomas, but he sees that messages are getting liked as well and he knows that Reader hasn’t forgotten Thomas either and he knows that they need to talk in person, and that he has to get Thomas from where he can’t run. Also he expecting the “Typing...” that appears but he sees it and he sees it even twice and he just wants something to appear badly, but it doesn’t and that “Typing ...” kind of was his sign that he has to intervene - again
““You want it back as well.”“ → Even tho he just fucked with that person, they know him good enough and as said before even tho Ethan wants Thomas happy, he isn’t selfless, he also needs Thomas happy. And, yes, he would like it back as well, but he would be okay if there’s no place for him as long as he sees Thomas smile, he can’t see the wreck he is anymore
““I would give you my soul if I have to, I just want to see him happy after all this.”” → He isn’t lying, he would. And as I said already, I tried to make it really clear with Ethan’s actions and words that Thomas is such a big part of his life, he would give something of himself to make it better again
“You should have known when he went to parties more often than picking up the phone for calls you agreed on before. Forgetting calls all together and him being more distant than not.” → Thomas and his unhealthy coping mechanisms instead of talking and saying what’s troubling him, he’s a dumbass. And the worst thing is that he knows that he’s a dumbass but he can’t fight it. And tour is difficult, he’s away. He’s missing her, and he knows she misses him too and it might be better to just call it quits before he really gets hurt, so many people told him that would happen anyways, so maybe it hurts less. Less before Reader does it, or before it drags on
Vivi shows up. The worst, got Vivi is such a fucking pain and I wanted her to be a pain. It was between her and Pedro in the beginning, but I wanted Thomas to be the one who’s hurt and gets dealt all the shit cards while Reader at leasts finds someone decent and nice and she did love him (as did Thomas Vivi - in the beginning at least) and they could have been great if Thomas wouldn’t exist (they both know it Reader and Pedro). So, yes, I decided for Vivi in the end
““You know her for what? Two months of fucking?” → He isn’t telling Vic everything, not at all. He keeps to himself, like he only told her that they are moving to L.A. when that was already decided. Not asking her for advice or anything and I took it out but in the first ideas I had I also had Vic not knowing of Vivi until Thomas ends himself up in some pap pics one week before he tells her about L.A. and Vic is like wtf
When I wrote it, I actually made notes for every year. Which characters are in it, from which perspective it is, what the focus is on mostly, what Thomas writes to Reader in those years, which months it should include, if there should be something mentioned from “All my friends”, if there should be something mentioned from the past that wasn’t included in “All my friends” but would make sense now, how they feel - how that shows in the actions they are all taking. Before I write I want to know how the character of each person is, so I can understand them better and the story better. Like if Thomas would have thought from the beginning that he’s better than Ethan this story would have headed another direction, if Ethan would have been more selfless this story would have been different, ect. I just make a list with like adjectives (and then try not to use them but have them behave certain ways instead), where Thomas can run into her and run away, ect
So in the first year the focus is on Thomas who all of sudden and kind of out of nowhere has Vivi and moves to the states and how Reader finds out and how that makes her feel
I wanted to write memories into it, and I was thinking a while how to go about it, but I tried to integrate them differently, like Reader just thinking about them when she sees pap pics of Thomas and that gives her the memory back what she actually had, when she stays in front of Thomas’ old building and the memories come back, when Thomas sends a text and is just like “Do you remember this and that” (which actually was my favourite way of throwback in this)
““This hurts. He couldn’t wait at least more than a month or two before almost climbing someone in public?”” → I know it looks like he moved on super fucking fast after that breakup and somehow he did, but it’s just showing one of his other unhealthy copingmechanisms and he has another problem - he can’t stand being alone (that’s why he has Vivi, that’s why he climbs into Ethan’s bed)
“You want Thomas. You want Ethan as well - but it doesn’t hurt as much.“ → Ethan didn’t hurt as much because Ethan did nothing to hurt her, he even came after her when Thomas broke up to kind of diffuse the situation just that it didn’t work. Ethan never did anything like Thomas, and not only because Thomas and Reader are the ones so in love
Ethan and Vic can’t stand Vivi - they both have their own different and unmentioned reasons, but they absolutely cannot stand her and it isn’t getting better. Not with Los Angeles, with how she behaves with Thomas, how she is to him, or that she tags the band with her bullshit (even tho they don’t talk to her)
“Just when you want to step into the bar, you can see a blond man with messy hair turn around quickly and walk away - you shake your head at yourself, you’re seeing ghosts.” → No babe, you are not, that was him. Just follow him, you’ll save him and yourself so much pain 😭
He was meant to meet Vic but saw her and called Vic to cancel on her
“[...] Half my life he was always just a few streets away.”” → Vic always had him close, she would do a lot for Thomas, he was never that far away and they work together as well. She’s hurt as well, and she doesn’t quite know yet how this change will be for her either
““Please don’t tell him.”” → And Vic doesn’t. She isn’t telling anything, she only does it years later (can’t remember why I took that scene out tbf here) and tells him that that happened, which gets Thomas to break down. He didn’t knew of it
“Contrary to what you expected Thomas isn’t sitting on the couch, he’s laying on his back, on the wooden floor boards - almost naked.” → How Thomas got there and how he got naked, I’ll leave that to you because it’s up to interpretation - but he probably did not do that on his own, at least in my head, lol
“He looks up to you, a little bit unsure - you still remember how he said he isn’t good at this.” → The little things I took from “All my friends”, how the first time Thomas said that he isn’t good at cunnilingus and didn’t do it because of it. Reader remembers that, and Ethan apparently as well, so it’s exactly what they get him to do and Thomas is more sure of himself this time around as well
I try to write different sex scenes when I write some, or at least have them slightly different, just something, sometimes it only has to be a really slight change and here it was just completely different
“The For Rent sign is taken down. Someone new is moving in. He isn’t coming back, you realise“ → The For Rent sign was what made it final, Thomas is gone, out of Rome, out of her life, what they had just doesn’t exist anymore. Something new is coming, like the flat gets new tenants, and then Reader moves as well. There might would have been more hesitation about that job offer in Sydney if she wouldn’t have been in front of Thomas old house. Like she knows in that moment that she isn’t going to see him again, and not like before at all, but still everything reminds her of him
Another one of Thomas’ copingmechanisms coming out, getting drunk and playing guitar
“And he’s so tired of Ethan looking at him as if he had told him that stars aren’t real and the big celestial bodies are only an illusion he made up in his head years ago.“ → Damiano and Vic might look at him pityful, but he can’t cope with Ethan being this disappointed in him. After all what they went through and had together that’s the absolute worst for Thomas. That’s why Ethan got an actual metaphor how he looks at Thomas, which is the worst Thomas can come up with in his head, telling Ethan that the stars and universe he loves so much is fake, while Vic and Damiano are just getting that descriptive adjective
“[...] he’s getting scolded for burning something more often than feeling lips on his forehead, in his hair or on his cheeks - and collective laughter” → Whatever for a mess Thomas was, Ethan and Reader were always supportive, while Vivi is not - she would rather scold him for anything and everything
“I hope Sydney makes you happy x“ - Yep, I was still listening to Happy Ending and Thomas really wanted her to be happy. If he can’t be, at least her, he wanted it to work for Reader
““He picks up his guitar, it almost wheeps when he plays. He still isn’t ready to cry but his guitar wants to.” → I was told it’s a wonderful and sad part of the story. Which I agree with. Thomas is horrible with his feelings, and he wants to cry so much, but he can’t. But he isn’t horrible with his guitar, he can let it speak for him (like he did in “All my friends”), he’s using it as his own way of language and Ethan does understand that language (in contrast to Reader on who it worked on but she didn’t know what it meant)
““You cannot always leave an argument like this Thomas.”” → He does the same he did to Reader and Ethan before to Vivi, just that Vivi is a horrible person and she’s a lot different than them. It’s not Thomas kind of person but he still keeps up with her, after she already got him away from his friends, his parents, his home, his band, scolds him, and told him that he isn’t worth anything anyways. He’s at the point where he believes it, and he just wants it to stop, he wants the abuse to stop, because that’s what Vivi does with him, if it stops when he agrees to marrying him, he will do it. I know a lot of the comments where Thomas you’re stupid but he’s in an abusive relationship and he doesn’t know what to do or how to leave or how to admit that it’s happening to him
“You didn’t answer - there was nothing left to say. You already knew.” - That was the paragraph after Thomas told her he’s going to L.A. and this is Thomas’ view then after he tells her that he’s engaged - “This time he isn’t waiting for an answer, a reaction, isn’t staring at his phone. He knows there will be no answer - there’s nothing else to say.”. With that we now know what he did when he wrote the other message but this time he knows there’s no point. And they both think the same, there’s nothing left to say. I knew that I wanted them both to think or say that sentence and I loved that it was close enough to be the same but still different situation
The second year is much more focused on Ethan and Thomas and how much Vivi despises everyone that is actually friendly or close with Thomas, that Reader and Thomas both miss Rome, and that they both come back
“Thomas laughs when Ethan puts his hands on his hips to get him off the table at the end of the night. He still smiles when Ethan strokes his sweaty bangs out of his face and says goodnight, presses a light kiss to his cheekbone, hours later.” → They aren’t afraid to touch each other and Ethan isn’t afraid to be tender (how he actually needs it) with Thomas and I wanted to show it in the little gestures they share
Of course Vivi has to sneak into a photo when Ethan takes a selfie of them with Thomas’ head resting on his chest. He is hers and only hers, there’s no room for other people, especially not for Ethan. She’s a narcissist. As long as Thomas plays how she wants and likes him to, she’s fine but if he isn’t or anything she doesn’t like, she’s going to let him know one way or another. If that is showing her ring to everyone, to remind everyone that they are engaged. Or she in his shirts. Or telling him he can’t hang out with Ethan. Or throwing plates and teacups at him (which is the worst which is seen in this story). But she was worse in the back, that’s what Thomas lets people know after it ends, but he can’t go through all the horror again until Vic gets him to go to therapy. I took it out because it was too extreme for me but I did write one therapy session where he talks to his therapist and that she abused him emotionally (isolating him, telling him he’s worth nothing and not worth loving, the humiliation to be like this in front of people and say that to him in front of people), physically (the plates, the teacups, slapping him and there’s a cut on his back from a teacup - which is the reason why he got a tattoo on that spot over his ass - on his ass as Vic would say)) and financially (his credit card was more like hers at one point). But I thought the point was understood with Vic and the therapy and when he tells her that he works with a charity which is for survivors of abusive and that this is important to him
This time Thomas actually apologizes to Ethan. He doesn’t want to be isolated even more from him than he already is. He knows if Vivi gets them to fight for real, it will be a desaster and he knows Vivi will tell him the worst stuff and that he would believe it, no one is there to tell him otherwise
They have that talk on the roof, and Thomas says that he would do things different, he isn’t happy how it is going and they have the short conversation if he would have broken up if she would have come up again. But Ethan didn’t ask her to come up again directly, so it doesn’t matter because Thomas never had the chance to find out what would have happened and on the other hand he also doesn’t have peace because he doesn’t know if Reader would have taken that chance and give it to him or if she still would have gone. And he tells Thomas a story he heard as a child because Thomas is so small and broken in his bed and arms, Ethan also doesn’t quite know what to do here - but Thomas still thinks that he has the answers to everything
“You want to tell him that you recently saw a poster of them a street you walk every day but the next morning someone already sprayed over it and you imagine how he would laugh and make a joke.” → Everything is over fast, be it that poster that only makes it a day, Reader who only makes it a bit in Sydney after the first enjoyment, Thomas in L.A., the relationships they all are having, ect. Everything is transient
“Thomas sends you a < 3 - and you almost start to cry.” → Reader is back in Rome, the first night and even tho he isn’t there, Thomas still manages to be the first person to talk to her when she’s back there
The deal they have with Ethan, from the beginning that was my idea of their relationship and it works for all of them, they get all what they want. And even tho Ethan says he isn’t really part of the relationship he’s more often there than he is not
“Later, when you do smell like sex, Thomas and Ethan cuddled close to you, you think home.You still think about it sometimes, home.“ → Reader is back in Rome, but there’s that memory Thomas gets her to think about. Rome is where she belongs and that’s why she came back. But home, that feeling, that’s Thomas and Ethan for her, not where she is right now
I wanted to be Thomas being honest about his struggles and his past relationships with Vivi (in the beginning), because there wasn’t a reason to lie for him, he wanted them both to know what they are in for but she’s pitting it against him big time. With Ethan, with him hiding stuff, when she goes to the magazine in the end
“And he breaks up with someone. It almost becomes a tradition, he’s sarcastic to cope.“ → He’s in a circle, he hates it and he thinks he can’t break it
“And he finally cries.“ → What he couldn’t do for such a long time before, he can finally do when Vivi fucks off. It just breaks out of him and he sits there and cries, in the shards and the mess Vivi left him with (that might be a metaphor, yes, because Thomas is broken too, she did what she did to that plate to him as well), and he can just think about going home and then he’s back with his friends who he needed so much
God, he had to see that engagement ring sink. Get rid of it, just have it gone where no one can get hold of it. Not Vivi, not he himself, no one
I wanted it to be the only time where she answered, for New Year’s. When they just missed each other, both unaware, but almost, almost they would have bumped into each other. If she wouldn’t have sent it probably, if she wouldn’t have answered this one time, they would have just bumped into each other. And Thomas wouldn’t have run, but oh well, sorry
Year three is more of Vivi’s insane bullshit, Thomas recovering slowly, the band shit going down but Thomas finding something he loves, while also losing Vic because he’s so afraid he fucked her up (not him but the situation definitely did - but Thomas blames himself, he did so much wrong already, he will take the blame for that one as well), and Pedro showing up
And Vivi doesn’t stop, no she has to drag him through the mud because he got away from her, has to tell some lies and sell out the people he loves the most, and fuck up his public image - because the problem is, people believe this and they tell him shit and how shit he is, but almost nothing of it is true and Thomas is the victim but she is making sure he’s still getting all the blame, making sure he can’t have one minute of peace or quiet. And Ethan feels like he has to say something because he’s mentioned as well, they both made the headlines with that, Vivi didn’t only went after Thomas, she went after the two people where it hurts Thomas the most
“It’s a small colosseum, around it a snake that carries a little star.” → That tattoo means so much to him <3
““'kay. When you think, I’m childish, I’ll leave.” Thomas looks at the paper in Damiano’s hand. “You’re hurting me. I’m not going through this again.”” → It’s Damiano, but Thomas can’t take anything like this. Even when he knows that Damiano doesn’t mean it like this, what Vivi got him through was enough and he can’t have that again. He can’t be ridiculed, condescended, not again, so he leaves that one thing behind that was still going, making him feel good
The whole story about the star Ethan made up. I wrote it kind of early when I wrote the story but it took me a while to come up with it. And also had me to google a lot, so I don’t have Ethan talk bullshit, haha. And I wanted it to be a metaphor for Thomas that he is that little star and he so desperatly wants to be someone / something else that he almost does but that it also almost kills him. And that he is already beatiful and sosososo loved
And Vic and Ethan decide that they can’t do this without Thomas, they just can’t, so they leave as well. And it isn’t easy for any of them but they all (even Damiano) know it’s not the same without Thomas, that they work also because of Thomas, and then they all just give up (for a bit)
“Do you think people who are hurt can be happy?“ → That’s what he asks Reader after he opens the bar and he finally feels like he can be happy. He’s asking for himself but ... This is also after a whole evening of him missing Vic who he thinks isn’t feeling too good. He also asks for her, because he wants it to be possible, at least for her
And Thomas is running again ... Oh baby, please. He really did a lot to avoid Reader for those five years, honestly. And at this point he knows that he’s a mess. A mess that’s in therapy but he’s a fucking mess. And reverts back to what he always does ... to Ethan. Ethan who’s always there, however fucked up he is
“There’s a kiss on your shoulder.
I miss you. Why do I still fucking miss you?” → Three sentences and so much pain. I wanted to show that Reader is moving on (while still hanging on Thomas, but still moving on) and how Thomas can’t. Like, then more moving on for Reader when Pedro and her decide that they are a couple and Thomas actually buys a house full of memories
“Sometimes when you’re taking Thomas’ umbrella with the dots on it, you’re thinking about him. It outlasted him - still in your possesions.” → That umbrella is from “All my friends” when they met in front of the colosseum and Thomas played tourist guide. Reader still has it, sometimes the little things are what people leave behind and make us think about people who aren’t parts of our lives anymore. And for her it’s that umbrella, she’ll think about Thomas when she uses it. And Pedro knows, he’s understanding and loving and caring and everything that Vivi wasn’t with Thomas (even tho he deserved someone like that)
Of course I had to bring Vic back into Thomas’ life. C’mon. I imagine she would be like that, just clinging to him until it embarasses him, but he would be so fond of her and so happy to see her. She comes with some news, that she almost died, which actually got her to wake up that she can’t go on like she is atm and also makes her realise how much she misses Thomas, she doesn’t think it’s a concidence that someone who looks exactly like Thomas saved her from that pool or that she thought that he is god judging her (which makes for a good joke in her mind). The other thing about the guy that looks like Thomas is ... He was at the party with Ethan, his company. Not mentioned but from the notes: They fucked, that guy was Ethan’s Thomas’ replacement for a while. I never said Thomas is the only character with unhealthy coping mechanisms in this
““You need someone who loves you unconditionally. I do love you, but not like you need.”” → Ethan, you’re such a fool. As if he isn’t the one person who goes through all of Thomas’ shit with him. Which maybe Ethan isn’t realising but Thomas is and then he leaves Ethan alone because he doesn’t want to keep piling it up and he also doesn’t want Ethan to see him as some kind of charity work and at the same time he knows that he’s so wrong about this
And then it’s the future already. This fic only started because I wanted Thomas to own a bar, and wanted him to make his own wine. And Reader who sees that bottle in the supermarket and just shattering glass and Reader crying in the supermarket. That was the starting point and it went all from there
For Damiano and Thomas it had to be Damiano reaching out to Thomas, there was no other way. And they both have grown and learned since they last saw each other and Thomas has no problem forgiving him then which Damiano knows wasn’t a given and he also didn’t expect, not so easily at least
The sex scene, there was no reason to write it again, or the scene where she says “I love you”, it’s already in “All my friends”
Thomas and Damiano did both hold on to something. Thomas over all this time just paid for the rehearsal room himself, not even knowing if they would ever need it again, but there was this little bit of hope (the same hope why he couldn’t stop writing Reader) and Damiano holding on to that piece of paper with Thomas’ lyrics, to maybe have them work on it together one day still. He folded it a lot, it’s more ragged now because Damiano looked at it so often and that also shows how much they all missed each other, hanging on to the little things
““I want you to stay. I want both of you to stay.”“ → That took so long to reach this point while writing, that took so long for him to reach that point. God, Thomas baby, I’m proud of you <3 (And I wrote that, lol, but it was a journey, can’t say it otherwise)
Thomas got the tattoo with those three things, for the relationship he had with her and Ethan, because in the darkest moments he thought about that and that it’s worth it, despite everything, and because he loves them. And because when he got it, he finally realised that he was already in love so much earlier than he thought and he can finally also throw some shade about Vivi, even if it’s only to Vic, but he feels free enough to do so. And he deserves that and that happy end, he fought for it - also with me <3
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