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vitaminseetarot · 8 months

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Last Quarter Moon PAC: What Are You Harvesting? 🌗🍓🍹

Welcome, one and all, to my last chapter of the four-part moon series! In the beginning, all we had was the seed of potential. We then added some tender love and compost, tending to its stretching stems and budding leaves. We then sat back and witnessed the colorful flower blooming forth, reflecting our work well done.

Now it's finally time to take a look at what will be harvested from this growth. How will it sweeten your life? How will it ensure that more growth can continue to the next month? What blessings will at last be bestowed that will, with careful preservation, last through the winter and beyond?

Take a peek at the three packages of fruit you see down below. These are of the frozen kind so they will last for many smoothies and muffins to come. (Brand names are blotted out for your convenience.)

Pile 1 - Chilly Blueberries Pile 2 - Snowy Strawberries Pile 3 - Frosty Plums

Pile 1

Cards: Four of Swords, Three of Cups, Nine of Cups; Dandelion Wish, Avocado - Prosperity, Scorpio Moon - Camouflage, 6 - Freedom

I guess it works that I called this the Chilly Blueberry pile cause it seems like you're just looking to chill. You've been through the long haul this last month, and for you the growth hasn't come easily. Now you're being greatly encouraged to kick back and relax for the last few days of the season remaining.

You've been spending a great amount of time working on your internal issues. This pile has done some immense shadow work, and perhaps you sense that you're still in the thick of it, laying low and addressing some old fears. These fears may have to do with something you've been wishing and longing for. There's almost a feeling of treating shadow work as a full time job, wanting to purge and clear as much as possible to make room for desires. Which isn't a bad thing! It can be the recommended thing for many people (like one of the other piles, per example wink), but there's also such a thing as overdoing it. Sometimes you get to a place where you've squeezed out every tear cried out and felt the rock bottom of rock bottom, where you're hitting impenetrable bedrock. Pile 1, this is your reminder that you've been doing GREAT work improving yourself, but now it's time to breathe.

You're going to be harvesting peace, relaxation, a chance to decompress and distract yourself with good times. Your friends could be trying to pull you out of the house or into a discord chat -- join them! Don't let yourself get distracted by the heavy emotions at this time. Not all shadow work is productive, like with anything it can be habitual and keep you ruminating in a little loop. You are protected as far as social relations are concerned. You're being given the space to relate your deep inner work with the work others have been doing. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to be in the thick of some deep karmic issues, only to find out a close friend or even acquaintance has been going through a similar ordeal.

Right now, even with all the freaky planet shit happening out there, don't think that the next few months will be like your last few. You're gonna undergo a subtle transformation on your own naturally after this harvest. You'll be moving into a place of wish making and abundance. This may even boost your sense of financial freedom. It could be that some of your shadow work involved money, but I'm really getting abundance in general with this pile. You don't have to overwork yourself to get to that place, pile 1, you're already approaching it. There's no need to get a 100% completion rating on your spiritual practice. You're not being rewarded for hard work, you're being rewarded because you're in the right place and time to be receiving the abundance coming for you. The shadow work is to help you get in a better mindset and receive without letting old baggage get in the way. It's not a forever thing.

Pile 2

Cards: Five of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Page of Cups; Turtle Creek, Strawberry - Affection, Leo Rising - Shine, 5 - Heart Healing

How awesome is it that you got the strawberry card for your strawberry reading?! Maybe you just really like eating them; the card does talk about affection after all! With Leo Rising, I'm feeling that this pile has been really affected by the Leo Venus retrograde. Lucky for you, the planet will station direct in a few days, gradually bringing back in a feeling of overall sweetness to your life like a tide coming in.

It could have been that your self-worth took a small hit in some way. Some things may have happened that tested you just a little too much. You wanted more out of your circumstances, but when you ask and ask your spirit guides and higher self and nothing seems to happen on the surface at the end of the day, that can really wreck confidence over time. You'd hear things like "maybe it's just not meant for you," to which you'd respond, "then what is?" You're about to gain a lot more clarity as to what is for you, and that no matter what your doubts say, pile 2, you deserve this!

That belief is very important--it keeps you from creating blind spots where opportunities lie. I felt relief pulling the King of Pentacles in the middle. The King does not think at all about what he deserves, he simply has it. He listened to that one random shampoo commercial's message "because you're worth it, baby" and stuck to that philosophy for the rest of his life. He needed this confidence because with Pentacles (and as hinted by your Turtle Creek card), success doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if something is going to work out in the long run. We often have to wave our hair around like supermodels and strut our stuff as though we know it will anyway. (I just got "Good As Hell" by Lizzo in my head. You might benefit from pampering yourself a little to remind yourself of your worthiness.)

There's going to be a moment of inspiration that comes to you this harvest, like an artistic idea or emotional epiphany that will flood through your slow moving creek. Page of Cups doesn't see you as really stuck, but will help push you along either way. Your lack mentality is being restored to a fullness mentality, and with this comes a strong wave of emotional resolution. Letting yourself feel the hurt of lack for just a moment in time can help you clear it out of your system to make room for healthier and better feelings that actually stick. You're allowed to set down your doubts for now and be more vulnerable and open to giving and receiving. It may not seem so, but vulnerability is important to creating flow, and flow is when we sense that we are moving with life and not against it, so that naturally things will work out for us. When you're ready to open your doors to life with softness and tender affection, so will the doors to what you've been dreaming of.

Pile 3

Cards: VII Chariot, Queen of Swords, Ten of Cups; Cottage Hill, Watermelon - Fun, Sagittarius Rising - Adventure, 9 - Self Acceptance

Before I flipped over your cards, I looked at the Cottage Hill card and imagined how cozy you've been for the last while, maybe a season or two where you stayed home and felt comfortable. I even channeled a feeling of enjoying old familiar songs and games. Then I turned the cards around and got the exact opposite message!

Your cards are nudging towards pushing yourself out there and taking in the goodness of life without getting muddled in the details. You've been in a state of analysis (paralysis?) for some time, and the only thing you're harvesting, whether you like it or not, is the chance to go out and enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to involve others, it can be just you looking to try something new (maybe rock climbing isn't in your taste, but there are many other things to explore). Forgive me for saying this, but we all know what dried plums are: prunes. And what do prunes help with? Of course, getting things going! The Chariot isn't always a card of traveling, but you are specifically having your travel experiences sweetened this time around. A dash of spontaneity and whimsy has been added to your harvest. There is stuff out there waiting for you to see it and experience it for yourself.

Please don't think that this time to run around and enjoy yourself is a waste of time, pile 3. Do you know how hard it is to want to move ahead when you have 6-8 planets in retrograde? Cut yourself a bit of slack. Being a successful human being doesn't mean never allowing yourself to feel content with the present, especially since for many people being successful means exactly that. You also never know what these greater experiences could bring you in the long run. A good time spent away can be like a shower that prepares you for the next big thing to tackle. It could be hiding blessings in between, waiting for you to seize them.

The Queen is Swords approaches everything with discernment, so you can work with her energy by finding out what sort of thing you would like to do or see next. It doesn't mean planning every single thing out. The best itineraries keep you from getting lost from point A to point B, while also leaving room for exploration. Maybe you'd be interested in joining a computer programming class, for example. It doesn't mean you have to sign up for the full major. Taking things a step at a time can really help you determine what's better for you further down the road. Self-Acceptance card talks about how to deal with our tendency to self-contradict. There's a part of you what wants to move ahead, and part of you that wants to stay put in the comfort zone. Plan out your "itinerary" so you're not caught in black-and-white thinking. If you're feeling the resistance to move, just try it a little at a time. You'll have a lot more fun this way.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

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differenteagletragedy · 3 months

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vampire Baxter lol

Baxter had lived for centuries -- though, of course, "living" was a term he used loosely. He'd traveled the world, dined with aristocrats, philosophized with beggars, seen a long string of new innovations and ideas promised to propel society forward while watching it crumble all the same.

But in all that time, he'd never found anything to truly cherish until he met you.

His life was fun by any definition of the word, but it was a cheap, empty sort of fun. He'd found ways to while away the decades, but nothing ever really meant anything. The people he met, the lovers he took, they were all just means to an end. When he felt lonely, when the weight of his own immortality weighed heavily on him, he found a friend for a season. He shared his bed for a night. It was never anything more than that.

When his endless travels found him renting a seaside home in Sunset Bird for a summer, Baxter never expected anything to change. Even when he saw you for the first time, standing beside Cove, the two of you looking so young and beautiful in the moonlight, he didn't have the slightest inkling that you might somehow be different. You could be a warm body to keep him company, and that would have been wonderful -- he did know that then. But what else could you be?

Everything. That's what you could be. That's what you became.

It happened slowly over the course of the summer, over night walks on the beach and afternoons spent in the safety of his home. Stolen kisses during which he was careful his fangs didn't nick your lips, and gentle embraces where the warmth of your body soothed him so deeply that he thought maybe things could stay like this. That for once, he could stay.

And he did -- eventually. His old self doubt and infernal restlessness kicked in when the summer came to an end, and he left you, crying and confused, at his door. You deserved better than him, he knew that much, but then five years later, fate brought you back together again. It was five years of growth for you and barely the blink of an eye for him, and it was the first time that fate had worked out in his favor. He was helpless to refuse, and you were all too willing to take advantage of that.

Years flew by, the decades falling around him as he did everything he could to imprint every last bit of you in his memory. He'd never change you, even if you begged -- which you did, sometimes, when your hair began turning grey and wrinkles began creeping up on your face. Baxter didn't want that for you, even if it meant having you by his side forever. He loved you just as you were, hot-blooded, human and, unfortunately, heartbreakingly mortal.

He knew the end was coming for a while before it happened. In the weeks leading up to it, he held you even more than he normally did, your body feeling weak and brittle against him. As you'd aged, you worried about how you looked to him and with him, a withered old person beside the eternally beautiful Baxter. But he never cared. Whether it was you at 18, bright and young with life having barely begun, or 80, breath rattling painfully in your chest as your heavily lined hands clutched his, you were still you. And you were always the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

It was morning when you left. He'd spent the night curled up with you in bed, and he watched your chest rise and fall as you slept, rise and fall ... then nothing. You went still, and slowly, you went cold. Even though it wasn't a surprise, the grief was still shocking. He thought he'd experienced everything that the world had to offer, but nothing had ever been as exquisitely painful as this. Not even close.

Regrets played in his mind. Maybe he should have turned you when you'd asked -- maybe instead of grasping onto some unfounded sense of nobility, he should have made it so that you could spend forever with him. Part of him knew that that wasn't right, that he could never put you through what he'd been through, even if you wouldn't have been alone like he was. A bigger part of him knew that none of this mattered. You were gone, and you weren't coming back.

The moon rose as he remained lost in thought, but by the time morning came again, his anguish was replaced with a sense of resolve. He couldn't stay here forever with you, that much was clear. But he couldn't imagine going on without you, either. Promises he'd made you rang hollow then -- he told you he'd carry on, that he wouldn't wallow after it happened, but you were the best part of him, and you weren't there to hold him to it.

As gently as he could, he stood from the bed you shared. He gave you one last long look -- he could recite every inch of your body like a favorite poem, every line, every curve, but even if you'd lived a thousand lifetimes together, it would never be enough.

And then, for the first time in over 200 years, Baxter walked into the sun.

#baxter ward #our life beginnings and always #vampire baxter #baxter x you #baxter x mc #baxter x reader #i'm sorry i don't know why i'm like this #our life #our life baxter

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svtspeach · 4 months

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Grief as we know it

Pairing: Seungcheol x Reader

Genre: Pure Angst

Warning: Grief, Death, Angst, Injuries (but not in depth and accurate, lol. my medical knowledge is from Grey's Anatomy), Not proofread (lol I don’t know how to this yet, by this i mean putting all the warnings haha)

Word count: 674 words

Author’s note: Hi, Everyone! So I am new here and I don’t really know how to navigate this site as an author but I guess I’m trying my best? This is just a blurb that I wrote at 1 am in the morning and yeaaa, let me know if you like it and if you would want to see a longer version of it! See ya!

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The Loss

Choi Seungcheol was a quick-witted man, everybody knew that. He was able to respond quickly and effectively in situations of high pressure. Another thing about Seungcheol was that he was selfless, he would always sacrifice himself for the other people’s happiness and comfort. Seungcheol was also the epitome of bravery, a trait that everyone has always praised him for. He has never been afraid to take risks and stand up for what he believes in. It was his strongest trait, and one that you loved most about him. That is, until that trait was the thing that led him to the biggest sacrifice of his life and straight to the arms of death.

“Can you repeat that for me again, please?” you said for the second time. It’s not that you didn’t hear the doctor’s voice, in fact you heard him loud and clear. But you just couldn’t seem to process the words coming out of doctor standing in front of you.

“Miss, your partner was taken to the emergency room after a vehicle crash. From what we heard from the paramedics, he jumped in front of a loose truck in order to save a little girl and her grandma. He came in with several fractures, a puncture in his abdomen, and a severe head trauma. We took him in for an emergency surgery to repair the damages and we tried the best we could, but the damage was so severe, and he couldn’t…” the doctor explained once more but for some reason, you couldn’t seem to let yourself hear the end of his sentence.

It didn’t matter how he was going to say it anyways. Seungcheol is dead and you just lost the love of your life.

The Grief

Seungcheol has always been a constant in your life. You weren’t friends since childhood or anything of sorts, but you have been dating him for four years and living with him for two. It didn’t seem like a long time, but being with him most of the time for the past two years have made you feel so accustomed to his presence. You were deeply in love with him, in the best way possible.

Loving him and being loved by him was the best thing you have ever experienced your whole life. It was fulfilling, warm, and nurturing. You like the person you have become when you are with him, and you loved how you were able to push for each other’s growth. Being in love with him was not suffocating, in fact it felt liberating, you felt like you were supported and cheered upon every step you take. You really felt like you have found the love of your life, and that you were going to spend the rest of your life with each other.

You knew that you don’t want to live in a world without Seungcheol. Not because you can’t live without him, you know that you would be able to continue and move on with your life, but you knew that you were going to be miserable. And you were, indeed, very miserable right now.

They say that the feeling of missing someone comes in waves. Initially, the grief hits you hard. It was intense and strong like a storm. The ocean of longing is calmer now, but the wave of yearning still washes over you now and then and it still sucks. It hits you in unexpected moments like now. You were watching a movie with your best friend, and you’ve reached the part where the main characters finally kissed each other passionately. Your mind started to drift away, and you tried to remember the last kiss you shared with Seungcheol, but you can’t. That’s because you thought that you had forever with Seungcheol, but you don’t. You never thought that the last time would be the last time because you thought that you would have more. It might not be as painful anymore, but you can feel the pieces of your heart slowly falling apart again.

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drippingmoon · 5 months

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Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me.

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots.

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly.

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

#ayearofwriting #2023 #aquiver-aglow #aberration of sunlight

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lilrobotman · 4 months

Text

Hey trans mascs on HRT who are feeling hair loss p hard: rosemary oil may be a good option if you want to promote a bit of new growth and keep your hair nice and healthy. I've had decent results using it for about 4 months now, parts of my hair that were thinning have thickened back up a fair amount

There are a few studies showing that rosemary oil is about as effective as other hair loss treatments like here and here, but it's definitely a field needing more study, though I've seen plenty of testimonies from others backing up its efficiency (me included!)

Some things of note:

-Obviously I'm only speaking from personal experience and not everyone is the same! I can not speak to how effective this will be for you.

-Like with hair loss treatments, if you stop using it, your hair will return to its former state. However the great thing with rosemary oil is that it takes forever to go through a bottle. You only need 5-10 drops per application and you only need to use it a couple times a week. Most bottles of rosemary essential oil cost about 10 dollars, which I find to be a decent price considering how long it can last.

-Additionally, rosemary oil seems to only work on thickening up pre-existing and thinning hair, not make new hair (at least for me). My high peaks have hardly gained any new growth but what I do have has thickened up quite a bit.

If you want to try rosemary oil, please make sure to only use it 1-3 times a week and mix it with a shampoo or carrier oil (jojoba and coconut are good ones). Rosemary oil is really strong. Dont apply it to you bare scalp without diluting it a bit. Make sure you scrub it into your scalp for a couple minutes, and most importantly, be patient. Like many hair loss treatments, it takes about 4-6 months to really start seeing a change. I still suggest looking into more detailed application descriptions as applying it correctly is rather important, applying straight up rosemary oil to your hair will probably make things worse.

Additionally, these tips are coming from a white guy with cowlicks and stiff hair, if you're someone with a different hair texture, please make sure to research what others like you may have said about applying rosemary oil. Always use a carrier unless the product you get says otherwise!

DO NOT USE IT FOR BEARD GROWTH. The androgen, dihydrotestosterone (DHT), is what promotes male pattern baldness but it also promotes beard growth. Supposedly (and this is not a claim I have 100% verified as scientifically true but I've seen this explanation used quite frequently) rosemary oil helps block the production of DHT. So using it on your beard will likely not help it.

Please know this is a post with good intentions, I'm not trying to give anyone false hope. My hair loss really made me stressed and dropped my confidence a lot. Some hair loss medicines have been known to cause trans mascs to start their period again and their overall efficiency is flaky, so I didn't want to try any of them. Rosemary oil has been very helpful for me and it could be for you! The worst thing the oil can do is make your hair smell nice, even if it doesnt give you a lions mane. Just remember to be patient and do some research about applying before starting :]

#Eventually I will accept my hair is going and stop using it but for now this has been really helping my mental health #Long post #Hair care #Trans masc #Trans man #Hair loss #Transgender

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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xiao has definitely watched us sleep before. without a doubt. bro finds us fascinating

getting a good night’s rest in your happy little moss bed, dreaming your little dreams, of your dreamy little house, in your dreamy little world. finally, you weren’t having another nightmare. no screams were here, no blades were pointed at your neck here. you’d stay here forever if it meant you’d never wake up to those things.

it was a welcomed change. a rare opportunity to get some real rest. your breathing was slow as you traversed the soft grass of your subconscious echo chamber, reveling in the knowledge that it was safe for now.

as he watches you.

truly, he felt like some sort of sicko. who in their right mind just watches someone sleep? he wasn’t even sure how long he’d been at your side, now.

but your comforting presence was simply irresistible to a karma ridden creature like him. simply being within 10 feet of you was akin to being blanketed in the sun’s sheen. how could he not want to, observe, the one who emits such an aura.

a god is the only thing that could elicit such feelings of serenity by one’s mere presence. some even referred to you as ‘the god of all gods’. but it was only when you were asleep that he could view you in this way. though he often finds himself snuggled against the pulse that fans him in divinity, it’s different when you’re sleeping.

he can actually feel the beats of your heart, even from feet away. with each passing throb of the air around you, he can feel his karma being chipped and dissolved. the malicious voices in his head quieting to inaudible whispers.

in fact, almost everything was inaudible- muffled, as if underwater. he could barely hear the crickets, or the owls, let alone the wind. only a deep and rhythmic ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

though, he wonders, greedily, ‘what would it feel like to touch you?’. it wasn’t new by any means, no, he’d contemplated this many times.

‘just a small poke.’ ‘maybe just their hair..’

but he never went through with it. if he awoke you, you might even leave liyue- you weren’t a fool. you’d put it together very quickly that he’d be a liability, especially as an adeptus. loyal as he was to rex lapis…

but, if it was gentle, you’d never know, right? if he only touched a less sensitive area of your body, you couldn’t notice.

his hand reached out.

maybe an arm, or the lower part of your leg..

retracting the hand, he swatted the thought away. this is a terrible idea. he should leave, before he gets as close as last time. how was it even conceivable to touch you? while you were in such a vulnerable state, at that. blasphemy.

but,

your aura really was overwhelming.

he could easily explain himself. it would make things so much easier. instead of leading you to supplies, he could just,, carry them, in his hands..

an inch closer.

he was sure you’d understand, right? you were sharp.

two inches.

you’d find out sooner or later anyway. things change.

four inches.

just like last time. he could practically feel the blood rushing under your skin. honestly, he couldn’t stop thinking about it for weeks. don’t you know how bizarre it is to feel the flush of blood in a gods veins? it was, frankly, mind numbing.

his hand was only hairs away from your shoulder now. the thump of your heart was all-encompassing. he briefly wondered if he would simply disappear if he touched you- you created him, technically. would it be considered you taking him back?

he tested the waters with just one finger. his index finger rested right on the joint. suddenly, he could hear the wind blowing against grass, a stream off in the distance. he could vaguely make out that he was in a field. it expanded miles, the grass and moss in various states of growth. he saw the sky, and the ocean, and a figure.

why was he suddenly here? was this death? or a memory? or, perhaps your dream? ah. he was probably just in your dream, then. that figure did look at awful lot like you, especially now that he could see your face. a shocked face. or was it fear?

oh! oh wow. he’d actually touched you, haha. why did he do that. dumb. dumb dumb xiao.

his thoughts raced. he could really only make out a notion of regret in his clarity.

he was back just as quickly. facing you again, though this time, outside of the dream.

well, what? should he disguise himself in a poof of feathers? play it off a simple bit of bird mischief? carry himself away on the wind in a blur, like usual?

or confess?

-owl anon strikes again at exactly 2:22AM

i’ve been noticing a lot of the other anons using the colors too now lmao

ugh….. xiao my beloved…..

he’s been closer to you before, but you were awake then, alert. your energy was put into being on guard, on watching your surroundings. even nestled into your neck, the thuds of your pulse only blur the edges of his mind, only make it a touch easier to fall asleep.

but now, when you’re the one at rest…

xiao crouched on a log a ways away from you, fingers digging into the crumbling bark to stay stable. even from further away, your power was so much stronger. part of him knew it was because you weren’t as on edge, that you were pulling in energy from the surroundings, that if anything he should leave and let you recover quicker. but here, here on the edge of the log he’d slowly shuffled down, here within arm’s reach…

xiao took a shaky breath, resisting the temptation to move closer. his karma called to be settled, for him to crawl closer and bask in the heat of your divine energy. but he knew he couldn’t. the moment he stepped off the log, when he gave in, he ran the risk of you waking up and him not being able to react quick enough.

he shouldn’t even want to. he deserved his burden, his karma, the thick binds of his sin—ones he’s carried for years. he shouldn’t want to impart it upon someone as holy as you, shouldn’t want to rid himself of his punishment..

he shouldn’t, but he did.

you wouldn’t blame him for that, right? you wouldn’t blame such a broken bird as him for seeking out your blessing? it was hard to convince himself not to, your aura inviting him closer, to sleep at your side..

it’s not like he could hide forever, right? when you took your rightful place, when he was able to face you as xiao without you being afraid, he couldn’t pretend to be your bird anymore. no, then he’d have to do his duties properly, wouldn’t he? so what was the harm in taking this moment to..

to..

he could feel your heartbeat in the air, the soft thuds washing towards him in waves, driving out every other thought that wasn’t you. even those were hard to conjure—his breath came in heavy huffs, now, bliss buzzing just underneath his skin. it was like a magnet was tied to his soul, pulling his hand towards you, across the foot or two between you two.

it’s not a sin to crave his god, is it? it’s not a sin to feel as if he was struggling for air when he’s this close but not touching, surely. it can’t be a sin to reach for you, his savior.

#m1d : [chats]#m1d : [secrets]#owl anon #bird!xiao shenanigans #this is bad but i am in an italian restaurant rn so #also YES i love the colors #both from you an others #me when colors

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otakusparkle · 25 days

Text

Identity V Chinese 6th Anniversary Character Congratulations Messages (Part 1)

Part 2

Part 3

Gardener : So happy to see you again! Emma is very happy to attend the sixth anniversary party at Oletus Manor with everyone, and share happiness and touching moments together. Every day with everyone by my side, Emma is very, very happy, and I hope this happiness can be passed on forever. If you have any lovely manor stories, come and share them with Emma!

Lucky Guy : I always wonder what I can give on a day like this. Um... luck... or blessing? Well, luck. But, it's nice to have luck, right? Is there any lucky thing you can tell me?

Hell Ember : You guys! Don't set off fireworks or revelry indoors! The chairs are blocking the way, move them, and remember to put the opened treasure chests back in place... Hey, that one over there! Eat slowly, there are still many delicious foods at the banquet. Don't rush!

Doctor : It's spring again. Time flies. We have known each other for six years... It's an amazing number. It's also a long time in my life. So, have you found your "home" here?

Lawyer : I am Freddy Riley. It's been a long time since we last met. How are you doing in your work and life? I sincerely hope that you can spend a long and happy time here.

Thief : I remember that there would be occasional laughter and joy there during festivals, just like here today. It would be better if more sponsors came. Ah, look, there are big shots here! Excuse me, I'll go say hello!

Smiley Face : It's too quiet. Let me light some rockets to liven up the birthday party! Let's make some noise and laugh louder!

Coordinator : Long-term companionship is glorious and great. I am honored to have known you for six years. I wish our friendship a happy one and look forward to carrying out missions with you in the future. Happy 6th anniversary!

Gamekeeper : Happy 6th anniversary. The cake here smells so good. The animals in the forest are also restless. You are not allowed to go into the forest.

Explorer : Hi! Long time no see! Do you still remember the travel gift from last year? Do you still like it? From the fifth anniversary to the sixth anniversary, I have a lot more travel experiences to share with you this year. Please take some time to get together. No, I invite you to come and play!

Mercenary : The moments when you give it your all are well worth to be remembered. Yes, I remember you, in the middle of that lively battle. I look forward to meeting you again.

Magician : I like such lively and unique occasions. Countless artists gather in this manor, which always gives me endless inspiration! Let me see what new things these new friends of this year have created!

The Ripper : Greetings, it has been an honor to spend another One year. Here, take this rose, Let’s celebrate the 6th anniversary together.

Forward : Happy 6th anniversary! Thank you all for your kind invitation! The weather is great, the atmosphere is great, everyone is so nice, do you want to go out and have a game?

Soul Weaver : Thank you for inviting me to this birthday party again. You said you would let me participate in a wonderful performance... Thank you so much for remembering that I am an actress... I look forward to it every day.

Mechanic : Happy 6th anniversary! This year is really a very happy year. I have received a lot of love and praise, met many new friends, and learned new knowledge! In the days to come, we will always be together! I have prepared gifts for everyone who came to the anniversary party. They are still in various corners of Oletus Manor. Look for them!

The Mind's Eye : Thank you for your company this year. And for your learning and growth in the field of literature. —Ah, it was really a fulfilling year! In the future, please work hard with me!

Geisha : Happy 6th anniversary. It's been a long time since I've seen such a warm, lively and kind birthday party. I will enjoy it. Thank you for inviting me.

Priestess : In order to be together longer, and to pursue the blessings we expect, is this also out of our admiration for divinity? I like this kind of faith and sincerity. “God” will respond to every faithful believer.

The Feaster : Your prayers have been fulfilled. Wish Oletus Manor a happy 6th anniversary.

Perfumer : You have the scent of bravery, hard work and innocence. Let me think, what is the combination of... Oh? Are you asking for my perfume formula? Take a guess.

Cowboy : Thank you for inviting me to this birthday party. The sumptuous feast, the blazing bonfire, and the happy friends. All these are really nostalgic. Come on, come on, my bad, let's not say those depressing words. Cheers!

Wuchang : On a good day, I wish you happiness, health and peace.

Female Dancer : We should celebrate this day with joyful and free dance steps. Please be more confident! Come and follow my steps.

Photographer : Happy 6th anniversary, It’s an honor to be able to participate in such a grand meeting. Are you ready? This is a precious group photo from me for you all.

Seer : Blessings on the 6th anniversary. I’m grateful for your invitation, it’s still as crowded here, filled with sincerity. Prophecy can’t be according to one’s wishes, I deeply apologize, but believe my blessing is sincere.

Mad Eye : My God, what have you decorated the manor into? Balloons, flowers... these fancy things can be called decorations? Hahahaha, let me teach you how to arrange a grand banquet.

Embalmer : Thank you for your invitation. Turns out we have known each other for so long…….Thank you, I will put in effort to enjoy today’s festivity.

Dream Witch : My dear people, every year we celebrate the single-digit growth... Why don't you follow me into eternity?

Prospector : Congratulations on the 6th anniversary. There seems to be a lot more people here this year... Don't bother entertaining, I can do it myself. Thank you.

Enchantress : Happy 6th anniversary. God has blessed us and we have celebrated another year together. Every year at the banquet, there are always people who get sick from eating. I brought some herbs with me. If you need them, you can come to me.

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titanrpg · 10 months

Text

NO GOOD DEED: Bleed 10,000 Hit Points devlog v0.1

since a lot of people were excited about the intro snippet i posted for NGD, i thought maybe i'd record some game design thoughts as i continue working on it

going gmless

as i play and design more ttrpgs over the years, i've become less interested in games that require a lot of prep for the gm. or a gm at all. when i design a ttrpg, my default is gmless unless the game requires a gm to function properly.

going diceless

i'm also going diceless because the main mechanic is everyone's shared pool of 10,000 hp that takes 1 damage every second of real play time. i want that to shine, so i've made a ton of choices toward that goal. the mechanics heavily revolve around using and replenishing hit points. dice would just distract from that. plus, every game i've ever written is influenced by wanderhome so honestly it's been a long time coming, my writing a diceless, gmless ttrpg hah.

central gameplay mechanic (lack thereof)

NGD was born out of my own values and growth and discovery of Black anarchist theory. writing this game is a way for ME to see how these ideas play out in a 'micro-community' (shout out to jay dragon for the term) of a few friends at a table. obviously, a gm is thematically irrelevant to this idea. and as i explored a central game mechanic, i realized there couldn't be one. not for this idea.

instead, each playbook contains its own "mini game." (shout out to SLAYERS by gila rpgs for its cool asymmetric class system where i saw this first.) the setting itself will have mechanics to interact with, but each playbook has its own resolution mechanics and toys (one uses a rubik's cube to predict the future, another uses a toy top to pause the timer from ticking down, another uses a deck of playing cards, you get the idea). will this work? i'll find out in playtests haha.

an emerging theory of written narrative art forms

i'm finding that writing a ttrpg can be similar to writing a novel if you have an argument you're trying to make. mechanics communicate values and philosophy, and you can explore so many variations on a theme.

the big difference between a ttrpg and a novel (in my view, in this context) is that when you write a ttrpg, you're outsourcing the character creation/development process to the readers. it's unsurprising to me that i enjoy this, since my main "Thing" in ttrpgs is SRDs (systems that help people make their own games). caltrop core, emerge8, etc. i find the architecture/value exchange that underlies games really fulfilling to work with.

based on my experience with ttrpgs lately and novels in my undergrad degree, here is a theoretical relationship between them all, where reader involvement starts high and declines from left to right and author involvement starts low and increases from left to right:

srds -> ttrpgs -> novels

which is all just to say, writing NGD has felt like all the good parts of writing a novel and none of the parts that take me forever

final thoughts

hey, if you're still reading this, thank you. i'm enjoying this project more than p much any other ttrpg proj this whole year. i've also been in varying intensities of depressive episodes all year. it's more like i have episodes of good mental health sprinkled in with a depressive baseline. i recently increased my meds dosage so hopefully that helps.

i'll be back with another update soon. playbooks are up next.

follow me to stay updated!

-Lex

Titanomachy RPG

#indie ttrpg #ttrpg #ngd rpg #ngd:b10khp #no good deed: bleed 10000 hit points

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starthelostboys · 9 months

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tlb characters based on how good i think they'd be in a timeloop scenario (from worst to best)

sam: he would NEVER leave that timeloop. i don't even think he'd do anything interesting in it either, he freaks out and then resigns himself to his fate and then pulls an alan russiandoll and just goes through his normal routine every day. the most interesting thing he does is one loop where he shoplifts like a shirt he wants from a macys or something.

star: she's the opposite of sam; every loop she's burning her life down and new and creative ways. the key for her getting out of the timeloop is definitely some kind of emotional revelation but she's never ever going to get any character growth. all this would be 100 times worse if she was in the timeloop with someone else.

michael: honestly i don't think he'd even he's in a timeloop until he's repeated the same day like 50 times over. he's ranked above star and sam cause i think he does actually try to leave the loop once he realizes he's in one, and all of his planned attempts don't work out but somewhere along the line he'll stumble into a solution and get out.

marko: he's easily the person on this list who puts the timeloop to the best use. once he realizes he's in he spends a long time just using all those days that don't matter to learn new languages and skills and shit, like the part in groundhog day where bill murray learns the piano. unfortunately i also think that marko would very quickly get restless and unfulfilled and wants to leave the loop. it takes him an extremely long time but he gets there eventually.

paul: he does better in a timeloop scenario where he's with someone else, cause on his own he just has absolutely no clue what he should do or how he should get out. stays in the loop a pretty long time because he'll half ass a solution and then it doesn't work and then he gives up for a while. he definitely goes through the least stress out of everyone on this list.

alan: he and edgar are both pretty evenly matched in their ability to get out of a timeloop, but he's slightly lower cause he'd definitely give up at some point. he's very methodical and practical about how he tries to get out of the timeloop, and realizes he's in a loop pretty much immediately.

edgar: this fucker would have like one million different solutions to getting out a timeloop that he thought of in advance just in case this happens to him. his full focus is on getting out of the loop as soon as he realizes his in one, and doesn't even think to do anything else. i also think he has really good memorization skills which is an extremely useful thing to have in this situation.

david: okay so david is the character who's the most likely to ever get put in a timeloop, and i also think his chances of getting out of it are pretty high exclusively because there is no way he would ever resign himself being stuck in a loop forever. unfortunately he's also very resistant to whatever emotional revelation gets him out of the loop so he's stuck there for a fair amount of time before he eventually gives in to the character growth.

dwayne: he's getting out of the timeloop and he's doing it in like two weeks or less. he's both open to though aforementioned emotional revelations and actively trying to get out of the timeloop. i do think he'd get caught up in trying to fix whatever problem happened in the day he's looping, but once he realizes that doing that isn't going to get him out of there he ditches it.

#wrote this whole post and now i really want to rewatch russian doll lmao #the lost boys #tlb #kate's bad takes

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nix-moon · 9 months

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GOOD OMENS SEASON 2 SPOILER AND ME TRYING TO COPE WITH IT

Long text, don't bother reading, I just literally have NO FRIENDS to talk to right now, bc mine are still watching...

Analyzing the S2 finale:

You know, I love both Aziraphale and Crowley, ofc sometimes I tend to go a liiiiittle bit more to Azi, but I can't like, "pick" one of them. And I'll tell you what, I think it's completely possible to keep loving a character and not agreeing with everything they do.

But when it comes to the end of season 2, I swear to you guys, I really got deep down hurt by Azi's decision, at first, and thought that he was marked forever in my heart negatively. Buuuut I knew what was going to happen BEFORE properly watching it, so I could like, process it and see it from another perspective, which I'll explain now.

I like the modified coffee theory, but as much as it BREAKS ME to say this, I believe more that yes, Aziraphale wanted to do what he did by his own, uninfluenced choice. Why? Because we can see - multiple times - that he has never actually left Heaven behind. It's a very central part of his construction as a being, I would say, specially his personality. He can acknowledge how Heaven's decisions are not always, in his judgment, alright, but he firmly believes this is something "ineffable". He is oblivious, and, as Crowley himself say, "pure of heart", and considering Crowley never actually told him how Heaven treated him when they switched bodies, I find it very hard to believe he could see any harm in them, or anyone actually, specially Crowley for all this years, even though he is a demon.

And he is extremely positive. I don't think this is bad, I just think that his optimistic point of view doesn't allow him to see that he is not a savior, that kindness doesn't always change things, that Heaven isn't this good and that Crowley isn't willing to be good, or bad, he just wants to be himself and mind his own business. Azi saw Crowley pre-fall so brightly, passionate and excited that he believes he can't be completely happy as a demon, because this shows a contradiction that is not easy to deal with if you believe everything is "fixable" and will be fine in the end (what does this even mean?). He takes actions believing in it, plus the fact that, like Maggie and Nina said, they don't communicate, at all, like in a proper way, exposing their beliefs and not just supposing what the other one is feeling, or thinking.

That is why I believe this finale brought a very necessary emotional impact, which, IF GOD ALLOWS A SEASON 3 (amen) could lead to a very interesting explore of this plot, character growth, and the acknowledge from both parts that they have a past, and a personality constitution that goes way beyond just their relationship. They have feelings, beliefs, and just the awesome love they feel for each other isn't enough to make things work, just like any relationship, you've got to deal with hard contradictions. I think both of them will suffer to understand that, and so will all of us, but I also believe that, even if love itself isn't enough to make everything okay, it's also a compass that leads you to remember that, if you love somemody so much, you also have to know how to let go of some things that are yours, and make it work.

Sorry about all that long talk, I feel better now. Maybe I should've written it in a diary only for my own personal suffering and coping, and it probably would be easier in my NATIVE LANGUAGE, but anyway, if you read it 'till here, may God bless you.

#good omens #ineffable dumbasses #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #neilgaimancreatedgays #belasmaldições #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #gos2 spoilers

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ineffably-human · 2 years

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"Well why didn't you do something? You should have gone and done something about it instead of just sitting here."

When the leaks came out two weeks ago, I was seriously in a period of mourning. Like I was truly, deeply upset for three days trying to process what was actually half-translated and poorly communicated. And it's a lot of the stuff other people were thinking when 4x9 first dropped. Were we being told it was wrong to desire growth and progress in these characters? Are we stupid for caring about the humanity in them? Were we supposed to hope Guillermo just escapes this toxic limbo forever?

We see so much of how these violent, sometimes half-crazy, ancient beings are dissatisfied with their lives. How they're capable of love and connection, how they want the same things that humans do... I couldn't believe that stagnation was the entire point. I couldn't believe the answer to 'can you change who you've always been?' was 'nope, sorry, nobody really does even when they're miserable.'

It feels important we care. It feels important that we feel unsettled by Colin reverting back to exactly how he was before, without even the slightest memory of being loved and looked after when as an adult he's so lonely. (That whistling, the way it breaks your heart and gives you a hope spot at the same time!) It's important they made it clear, before he finds that room, that as much as his instincts are calling out to him it's not what young Colin wanted or something he had a choice about. It was important that Laszlo and Nadja felt like they lost major, important pieces of their new lives, experiences they'd never had before even if they ended badly.

And Nandor... I don't think Nandor's as okay as he says. I think Nandor seems as aloof as he was when we first met him. It's withdrawing for recovery after the end of a lot of striving and struggling and pain. Eventually the scab is going to rip off and leave him with grief and depression again. Who's to say he hasn't had this experience before? He did tell Guillermo that he hadn't been really happy in decades. Maybe for a vampire, taking some 'me time' after a rough period is a decades-long affair.

But there's such a clear rift between him and the person he loves most now. Everyone's lost something, and Nandor and Guillermo have lost some of what they were building. I think they were losing it before the Freddie incident even happened. (Now would be the part of the slow-burn, by the way, where they get it back and reaffirm how much they belong together.)

When the leaks dropped, I read Guillermo's decision and I thought 'why?' This was the first season where I could think of plenty of explicit reasons he shouldn't become a vampire. He might never see his biological family again, even though he knows they love him. No matter what, he has to deal with his chosen family's selfishness. He sees how slow vampires change, he sees their ennui, how the big things they want are band-aids over their dissatisfaction. He knows he can stay human and still have physical power, emotional leverage, life experiences he's missed out on up to now because of all the waiting-waiting-waiting. Even having a foot in the supernatural world wouldn't have to change. His devotion and loyalty have waned somewhat, he's built relationships with the other housemates but they're not as strong.

It's not like he's so unexamined about his feelings that he'd ignore all those things to go be a vampire alone, to go hang out with a lonely dude working a counter (just like he was when Nandor met him) when that lonely dude just happens to be a vampire. Was he regressing? What the hell was he doing it for at this point? He hadn't even said goodbye!

It was like a gut punch of relief (seriously, the noise I made) when I found out exactly what the line was, the last thing Guillermo says before taking the money to Derek.

"Nothing in this house ever changes, nothing's ever going to change unless I change it."

He doesn't pack his things. The bag is full of money and only money. He won't need that closet anymore because it's no place to keep a coffin. (The attic, on the other hand, newly renovated and now the biggest room in the house...)

I want so badly to believe Guillermo is becoming a vampire because he is going to march straight back to the house, show off his fangs, and drag them all kicking and screaming into the life he's dreamed of along with him. To rescue them from themselves.

'I can use this power better. I can be the new blood. You need something to react to? React to this.' Because his dream is relentless but so is his capacity to love these people at their worst.

And if that just sounds like Guillermo saving the day again, well...

You guys want a jealousy arc? Imagine Nandor seeing that someone else stepped in and did what he wouldn't. Imagine a Guillermo made newly sexual as a vampire, having a well-deserved slut era as Nandor watches and wonders what's so different about him these days. Nandor being the one to eagerly listen to him, to sit beside him as he bosses people around...

More importantly, imagine Guillermo having a conflict between his slayer blood and vampire blood. Or leaning into the selfishness that comes with being a vampire, so much so that he starts to lose the parts of him the household really needs. Or pretending 'it's fine, it's fine, it's fine' when it's really anything but and this isn't how he's supposed to end up.

I need Guillermo to be the one to fuck up for once. I need him to do something so selfish it hurts others, I need him to do the right thing when it's hard. I need Nandor to save him or remind him of the best, most human parts of him when he's lost.

I can't wait to get that, if that's where we're going.

#fandom: wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits spoilers #guillermo de la cruz #otp: nandermo #char: guillermo the relentless #i am a meta gremlin

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sycamorre · 5 months

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Can I please get the whole girl gang with Ori, Mela, Vaela, and Riven!

[send me a character]

Oh boy you're making me do my homework over here!

Oriana —

Favorite thing about them: I'm going to be incredibly non-specific and say that her growth as a character was my favorite part of playing her. She started out as this uptight, dutiful monk who was scared to show her own face too much for fear of making people mildly uncomfortable (and honestly to avoid invasive questions) to someone who was finally getting comfortable with who they were was such a blast. I love her newly-acquired confidence and the dynamic it brings to her post-campaign. She's far from perfect, and never will be, but she's maturing and making a new purpose for herself other than being someone's errand girl.

Least favorite thing about them: She is the worst pessimist in the world and sometimes her logic is so quick to jump to the worst conclusions that she literally puts her foot in her mouth. And it hurts for me to write that every single time due to secondhand embarrassment but I have to commit.

Favorite line: "She loved you! She still loves you!" at the Prince during the final fight while she's trying to distract him (or something like that). Or Ori's first jab at Damak "Maybe you would see more of it if you stepped out of the shadows" since it still makes me chuckle.

brOTP: Even though the Ori/Damak ship didn't sail, I still think they probably stay pretty close and end up working together on jobs in the future. They absolutely still push each other's buttons, but that's just how they are and they don't question it.

OTP: I am so mad at myself retroactively for not giving into the OriRanna feels by the conclusion of the campaign but I do not regret bringing it up afterwards and getting to enjoy it now at least.

nOTP: Ori and Cobalt are forever divorced and they barely know each other, this is just canon.

Random Headcanon: Ori has a hard time accepting the fact that Sharaea is basically keeping her distance after the Prince's defeat. In part because she does feel that connection still and worries that Sharaea is hurting, and partially because it is such a strange sensation to her to be without the dreams for so long after such a major revelation. It takes her a long time to get used to it, but she still wishes that there was more she could do.

Unpopular Opinion: I don't know if it's an unpopular opinion among our little group, but I never had intentions of making Oriana some kind of fated hero. I never had thoughts of making her tied to a major NPC or giving her any kind of serious destiny, I just wanted to play a radiant energy bomb with the aasimar/monk combo because I thought it would be funny once I pitched the idea to Sam and he told me about Damak who was basically her foil. But I do adore how her story developed and how well it ended up narratively.

Song I associate with them: So many... "Like the Dawn" by The Oh Hellos, "Warrior" by AURORA, and "Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine to name a few.

Favorite picture of them: I like a lot but honestly one of my favs is the one I made of Chibs trying to hit on her, partly because it's Chibs and partly because I did really like how Ori's outfit came out in this one.

Mela —

Favorite thing about them: Literally the most wholesome member of the group. Not a bad bone or crystal in her body. I am so sorry for all that we put her though.

Least favorite thing about them: Only that I didn't get enough time to learn more about her and her backstory. Sigh.

Favorite line: "Real neighbors. Real family. Not just people that make you feel like you can pretend it doesn't exist."

brOTP: Mela and Halion. Druid buddies that deserve the world.

OTP: Mela is an independent Genasi who don't need no one... though I could be swayed about a certain fae...

nOTP: Literally anyone who would try to be mean to her in a relationship will meet a swift end by my hand.

Random Headcanon: 100% think that Mela's magic is flavored to look like the crystals on her body. If she wildshapes and doesn't specifically want to look a certain way, the animal she changes into will have things like crystal horns/claws, the flame sword she summons has the appearance of a crystal blade, etc.

Unpopular Opinion: I do wish she had gotten a chance to use wild shape more. I think Mela being a cute little critter sneaking around would have been amazing.

Song I associate with them: "Come Out and Play" by Billie Eilish

Favorite picture of them: That dang sketch I never colored, rip

Vaela —

Favorite thing about them: Drinking game QUEEN. Also just the fact that she doesn't take any shit while still having a lot of heart and empathy to those who earn it. Something about that balance between the two just made her all the more lovable.

Least favorite thing about them: she can out-drink my high constituion monk I do think I missed out on really getting to know her during the campaign, and I regret that a lot.

Favorite line: Not a specific line but I think back to Vaela's talks with Erosen when he was ready and willing to be her stand-in dad before Vaela was ready to reach back out to her family and i can't help but smile.

brOTP: Vaela, Riven, and Mela is the real brot3 and nothing can change my mine

OTP: I mean... I definitely have a certain paladin that turns a lovely shade of pink when someone talks about her because she sure is pretty and really cool to boot~

nOTP: Zaresh and his memory is not allowed to ever hurt Vaela again. If Damak didn't do it, Ori would have definitely put him out of his misery.

Random Headcanon: Very little thing, but I could see her gathering small, light trinkets that remind her of her friends and tie them to her bow, possibly for good luck, and possibly as a way to to tell which direction the wind is blowing when she's aiming.

Unpopular Opinion: I still think it would have been cool for her to pull an Erosen and punch Zaresh in the face. Just once.

Song I associate with them: "Dear Fellow Traveler" by Sea Wolf

Favorite picture of them: So fun fact: I never finished them but I started making emojis of the party members for kicks and here's the one I started of Vaela:

Riven —

Favorite thing about them: Riven's sassiness and perfect comedic timing always leaves me in stitches. She really felt like the heart of the party in that way.

Least favorite thing about them: This is the hardest thing and most of my "least favorite" things are mostly the things Oriana keeps fretting about when she thinks about Riven being in such a high position so I'm gonna go with not much at this time to be honest.

Favorite line: Not a line again, but specifically the scene between Ori and Riven where Riv dressed her up while Ori reassured her that she didn't think any less of Riven after they all found out about her half-drow heritage. That always felt like a major point in their friendship and I hold onto it fondly.

brOTP: I wanna say Riven and Halion just because I think their friendship was so neat, and it hurts a bit when I think about their falling out post-campaign. But there's also Riv and Damak's sibling-ish dynamic that I love a lot, too.

OTP: As much as he pushes Ori's nerves, I do think Riv and Delethil are on the same wavelength as each other and fit very well together, even with Eravin in the mix.

nOTP: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Random Headcanon: On the occasions where Oriana comes up to Aerenth on business (either with Ranna for her research or at the request of various Tyados officials who think she's got some kind of in with them because she's friends with Riven), Ori always makes a point to find Riven and any of the other girls that might be there with them after all the formalities are done and run off into the woods to find a clearing to just hang out in like they did before.

Unpopular Opinion: As much as I understand the reason why she and Del made the choice to execute Vasion, I still disagree that it was the best decision.

Song I associate with them: "Savage Daughter" by Sarah Hester mostly because of the rebellious vibes

Favorite picture of them: I mean... I think it's obvious (also bonus Vaela).

#editoress #dnd: last resort movers #dnd!riven #dnd!vaela #dnd!oriana #dnd!mela

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cottagecrowe · 11 months

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Ok I finally have words for some shit that's been bothering me SO BADLY, lol

So whenever some movies snuck in modern day feminism into things like Anne with an E, or the newest Little Women, etc., It always felt badly written, out of place, awkward, and just came off as cringe-y, and I had no idea why.

For something like Tauriel being slapped into The Hobbit, it was obvious. She was there specifically and only to give more "strong female representation", and the team even fully admits that... It just makes you wanna wrinkle your nose cause for one thing we do...? Have strong women in TLOTR??

I could go on a whole separate post just rehashing the problems with the existing material with women in it that other people have already talked about for sure, but for at least one kind of portrayal of strong women, it IS there.

I also think some of the eps in TROP gives us that in a bit of a more eloquent way, too. You know, in a way that just feels natural and part of the story and was written in well? Not like a separate modern day speech just copy pasted into a fantasy movie/period drama/classical book made into show/movie?

But it being inserted like that into recently made period dramas and/or classical books like Jane Austen and Little Women is REALLY rubbing me the wrong way.

1. I feel like even if they didn't write it that way and you go back and realize as much, you remember the lil speech they gave in your head using modern day language/terms when they like...are in fucking 1870 or something and would absolutely not be talking like that, lol.

2. Again, it just feels like it's copy-paste inserted into the moment they felt would work most to put it. If it's an original show, this just feels...forced? And if it's off of a book, it feels forced and inserted because that's exactly what it is, lol.

3. It's...always MODERN DAY feminism. Believe me I have absolutely no issue with feminism being in a movie/show, even if it's integrated to be more highlighted in a newer version of a book or something, like Emma, or Little Women~.

I will always and forever die on this hill, but I think one of the movies that has always done it the best in both a historical, AND fairytale/fantasy manner, was Ever After A Cinderella Story. Seriously, everyone go give that movie some more love. Jane Eyre, in general, also does.

BUT. Modern day feminism slapped into...historical fantasy/period drama...? What?? Lol, it feels so much more natural if you ya know...have it be verbage of the state of growth that feminism was...at the time in history your media is centered around..? From the way they talk, to the way they expressed their frustrations, to their mannerisms big and small, to HOW you insert it as naturally as possible and not just to have a big obvious speech moment like you think your audience is fucking stupid and not going to understand unless you have that kind of moment in it.

Personally, I always loved watching Jane Austen movies made in the 90's, and then going off with my immense love for them, and taking my own initiative to learn and do research behind the feminism of the times more.

Fuck, that's how I also ended up learning so much LGBT+ history, too, tbh, which helped to lead me to question the teachings I was raised on, and follow down a better path. And I still have so much more to learn of both.

I also love to SHARE that knowledge with other people, and part of me just feels like when it's more lazy like this, just any chance for more people to learn cool facts about our history, is sort of taking away a potential opportunity to look back on people of the past and understand the struggles of their time. To stop looking at them as inferior just because they lived a long time ago, and instead hear their voices and stories, and let them continue to be remembered.

Idk, I want more feminism in more media, but whenever I think about that fucking speech Joe gave to Laurie about marriage, or Anne gave her class about periods, while I have no doubt/am gladdened by the fact I'm sure it will help a lot more girls speak up and continue to do so...it just feels so ick, lol.

It's like I can feel the "ugh we just wanna capitalize off this, so get it out of the way and move on, whatever" energy that's with it. Sort of like how they kept building up the power rangers movie for having a lesbian, and we got the saddest and smallest little thing out of that ever, while everyone was making a huge deal about it, lol. Yes, baby steps are progress too, but idk. I feel there is still good cause in annoyance and anger over the stupid parts surrounding it, too, lol.

Honestly, we shouldn't HAVE to have baby steps towards any kind of progress like this. We shouldn't HAVE to fight tooth and nail for our voices to be heard and our trauma and bodies to be valued and shown respect.

Capitalism is the biggest con and conspiracy we could've ever done to ourselves, tbh.

Anyway, this went in many directions but if anyone related or understood what I was trying to put down and stuck out reading this, ily and thank you~

I do also understand this type of media may just Not Be Made For Me, and that's cool too~! But something about it just leaves an icky taste in my mouth, lol.

If nothing else, even if you enjoy these movies and shows, I beg of you to search for some way to watch the 90's/80's ones (yes, even the Pride and Prejudice bc you can dislike it all you want, if nothing else they filmed that thing beautifully and I'll die on that hill lol), and the og Anne of Green Gables, and take any love you grow for any of them as an excuse to learn more about women in all sorts of times and cultures, to better listen to their voices and merge them with your own. At the end of the day, that's all that's the most important, and even if the newer versions of these accomplish that for some people, I'll be a little happier, lol~

#little women #emma #anne with an e #jane austen #persuasion #feminism

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