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dee002 · 11 months

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Betraying a Spider (Miguel O'hara x reader)

synopsis: you love Miguel and have been trying your best to ignore the parts of him you didn't like. these parts of him being his obsession with work and desire to control others leading him to make morally questionable actions. the recent encounter with Miles Morales leads you to cross Miguel and an argument follows.

word count: 1809

genre: angst

warnings: sfw, cussing, spoilers for Across the Spider-verse

notes: first fic... hope this goes well.

also i don't know how to add a line so here:

______________________________________________________________

you met Miguel a couple of years ago. he sought you out after your blood miraculously saved your best friend, Peter Parker.

in your universe, Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and he became the one and only spiderman. you were also bitten by a radioactive spider. however, this spider simply made you sick and failed to give you any super powers.

you continued to believe you were powerless until the day Peter had been beaten to the brink of death in a fight alongside the avengers. he'd been in a coma for six months. Dr. Bruce Banner worked tirelessly for a solution to wake him up, trying all kinds of tests and experiments to save him. eventually, he began to believe that nothing could be done for your friend. that was until Dr. Banner discovered that you too were bitten by a radioactive spider and decided that a blood transfusion from your body to Peter's may elicit some sort of reaction in Peter. His theory proved to be correct. Peter woke up within minutes of your blood in his veins.

when Miguel received word that a colleague he had assumed was all but dead was in fact very alive and back swinging through the streets of new york, he had to meet the woman responsible for saving him. after running more tests with Dr. Banner and confirming that it was in fact your blood that saved Peter, he took you back to HQ. here you discovered that while you didn't have super strength or the ability to shoot webs from your wrists, you still possessed a super ability: healing. and were thus deemed a Spiderwoman. your dna was altered by the spider and after experimenting with other spider people and regular humans it appeared that your blood affected the spider people and no one else.

as you worked at HQ and integrated into spider society, you grew closer to Miguel. this in itself seemed a miracle as Miguel made it a point to distance himself from everyone. but somehow, you slipped through the cracks. work meetings turned into outside of work coffee, coffee turned into dates, and dates turned into marriage. the two of you were infatuated with each other. for Miguel, you gave a reason to keep going, a purpose that meant more than holding the spider-verse together. for you, Miguel made life make sense. he made it seem like everything you've ever been through was worth it because those events led you to him. you love his drive, his passion, his commitment and, his dedication to what he believed was the right thing. coincidentally, the things you loved about him were also the things you hated.

for years you watched Miguel make callous moves. sending people dazed and confused back to their universes', tearing families apart, standing by and watching people die all in the name of keeping the multiverse in order. you had heard his story, seen the evidence, personally witnessed black holes attempting to swallow a universe whole. that's why you always brushed his actions off. reasoning with yourself that everything he did was for the greater good. most of the time you felt sympathy for Miguel. the weight of thousands of universes rested on his shoulders. you couldn't begin to understand the pressure he felt constantly. there was no way for you to begin to comprehend the burden he felt, knowing that if he allowed one piece to be out of line everything could come toppling over.

but now that you've met Miles Morales, seen the live footage from Lyla of Miguel's harsh words to the child during their fight, you couldn't acquiesce to Miguel's methods anymore. there was no way you could stand by idle and let Miguel terrorize a child like this. so as Miguel comes bursting through to the lab in attempts to rip Miles out of the Go Home Machine, you prematurely override the system and let Miles leave.

"what did you just do?" Miguel asks with an look of astonishment, still breathing heavily from the chase.

the room full of spiders was dead quiet, and in a state of disbelief that you would betray Miguel so brazzenly and in front of everyone. part of you couldn't believe what you did either. as you look at Miguel you find yourself regretting your actions, too stunned to do anything but gawk at him and plead with your eyes. he looked so angry, so conflicted. you could see his two sides fighting with each other. one Miguel that was the guardian on the multiverse, the other Miguel that was the one that loved you. you should have known which one would win.

He sighed and looked away from your gaze, "take her to the brig."

he can't be serious.

it seems like everyone else around you doubts his sincerity as well because all the spiders are hesitant to move. casting glances at each other seeing who will dare to put you, one of the most respected spider people and one of the only people Miguel cares for, in a cell.

"Miguel! are you-" you begin to voice your opposition but are promptly cut off.

"I said, take her to the brig," Miguel speaks more firmly, red eyes locking with the spiders nearest you.

He is serious.

two pairs of hands grab your arms and direct you to the brig. you decide to save yourself from anymore public embarrassment by keeping your mouth shut. you know that if you were to open it now, all that would come out would be pitiful whimpers and words meant for Miguel to forget the whole thing.

as you went you cast him glances over your shoulder but his eyes weren't on you. completely in business mode, you hear him send Gwen back to her universe and tell Jess and Ben to go to Miles' universe and he'd meet them there "after i deal with her."

the callousness and disassociation in his voice made tears well up in your eyes. your brain immediately jumped to all the worse conclusions.

will he send me back home? will he leave me locked up and try me for treason?

no, worse.

will he leave me? will he not love me anymore?

these thoughts continue to swirl in your head as you reach the brig. the two spiders handling you reluctantly lock you in the small laser bound room and leave as quickly as they came. as part of any functioning society, you need a brig and a court of law. both of which Miguel had built in the sub levels of HQ. both of which were rarely used. the brig was different that the holding room for anomalies as this room was made for law breaking spider people. as it were you are the only person in any of the cells. this was to your benefit as you didn't want anyone seeing you in the state that you were in. on the verge of a panic attack, you let a few tears fall out and pulled your knees up to your chest on the floor. in an attempt to self sooth you tried to reason that he was just putting up a strong front because you had the brilliant idea to defy him in front of all of spider society. he wouldn't actually hate you. he wouldn't cast you aside now, not after all this time. he loves you.

dosen't he?

or maybe because everyone saw the one person who should have been committed to Miguel and all of his efforts undermine him and everything he's built, he'd be force to get rid of you. he couldn't possibly be seen with you again after this. it's not a matter of ego, God knows he doesn't care what others think of him. it's a matter of business. after all what you did was treasonous.

the pessimistic thoughts are getting the best of you. you're ready to beg Miguel for forgiveness.

but, why?

you believe you did the right thing and would do it again, if it weren't for the consequences.

suddenly, a doorway opens in the lasers and Miguel steps in. he leans against the nearest wall you and looks down at you. the turmoil is evident in the crease of his brow.

"why?" is all he asks.

"what you're doing isn't right. what you said to that child wasn't right. and i know, i know you think it needs to be done but there has to be a better way!" as you speak you still avoid his eyes, holding the tears at bay.

"it's not about what i think is right. it's about what is. you've seen the evidence. you've seen what i," he takes a breath to control his rising anger, "what i have been through. you've seen all of it and you're still resistant?"

"i know! i know! and i'm not trying to discredit anything you've been through. you know i would never ever doubt you. but that doesn't change the fact that this is wrong!"

miguel shakes his head in disbelief at you. most of his reserve has vanished, the volume of his words ever increasing. "then why go against me now? you've been helping me for years! you never said anything!"

"i have! you just never listen to me Miguel! i have tried to get you to see it another way but you're so damn stubborn! but you're not always right and maybe there is another way to do this! just give the kid a chance."

"no. there isn't another way and you know that."

"but how will you know if you don't try and work with him. maybe the kid knows something you don't-"

"enough," accepting that his one true love was a lost cause, he slipped back to stoicism. a quality you were used to seeing him portray however it had never been aimed at you, "this discussion is over as it is clear you are choosing to be foolish."

the decisiveness of his bitter words made tears spill from your eyes. he walks over to your defeated form and crouches down to be eyelevel with you. he grabs your jaw and firmly lifts your chin.

"look at me." his words are airish and almost a whisper but are decidedly harsh.

you do as he says. meeting his eyes does nothing more than make you feel completely broken.

"i'm so disappointed. i thought we were one mi vida. but now you blatantly betray me-," he cuts himself off as anguish begins to seep through his words, "i don't have time for this. i'll deal with you when i get back."

for a moment his touch softens. but he abruptly rises and exits the cell, leaving you to crumble into a sobbing mess on the floor, inconsolable and heartbroken.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------notes: ok props to writers cause this was hard af and i got sick of myself half way through. i used to be able to write but i guess thats what happens when you dont use your gifts. anyways... like and subscribe? :/

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x black reader #across the spider verse spoilers #into the spider verse #spiderman #spiderverse x reader #miles morales #hobie brown #gwen stacy #fanfic

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devourensarc · 1 month

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On Sk.irk and His Mental State

warnings for: death, discussions of trauma, dissociation/depersonalization, sui/cidal behavior

Ajax fell into the Abyss at 14 years old — a child. He fell into a land of darkness and monsters, alone, barely a teenager, and this was absolutely traumatic for him. Here, he met Sk.irk.

When we see their reunion in the AQ, she dismisses him as weak — despite him fighting the Narwhal for weeks, a beast that took a fully realized Sovereign to beat (not kill; beat). She states she does not talk to him or give him much acknowledgement because of this perceived weakness.

This was the person who he found in the Abyss, as a lost, scared child. A weak child who needed to become strong to earn a scrap of her attention, attention that was key to his survival. Knowing this, it's easy to see why he is so obsessed with becoming stronger. Even after meeting her, he had to fight for every second of his survival, because to be weak in her eyes meant he would be alone again, in an unfamiliar world full of beasts trying to kill him.

The only reason she gave him any attention at all was Foul Legacy — on this blog, she did not teach him the transformation, but rather how to use it.

Even after he left the Abyss, this fear for his life stayed with him. In addition to my other hcs regarding this (his sleeping habits, nightmares, hiding food, etc), he fixated on becoming stronger because the memories of those monsters are always there. He cannot be that helpless child ever again.

And of course, when he finally returned home, his parents could not or would not help this traumatized child. He tried to prove his strength to them, but instead of acknowledging it, being proud of it, they were terrified. His escalating violence to get them to see it, to pay attention to him, was a reaction born from his interactions with Sk.irk; but this only made his parents more terrified. They treated him like a monster, for the very thing that helped him survive.

When they brought him to the Fatui, again he used a show of strength to preemptively protect himself — see, he was strong, he was not some weak child to prey upon. And again, this only served to scare others, and once again, he was outcast. Pulcinella was the next adult figure to give him any sort of attention, and the young Ajax latched onto this, still caught up in his survival mechanism from the Abyss. Someone was giving him attention, praise — so he would be exactly what Pulcinella, what the Tsaritsa, wanted of him.

Blood and violence does not bother him, but he does not enjoy hurting others for the sake of hurting them. He is not a sadist, nor does he lose control of himself during a battle. He says during the Liyue AQ he doesn't want to release Osial and harm innocents, but he does so anyway to complete his mission, with the full belief Rex Lapis will show himself to fend off Osial. During the Fontaine AQ, he shows situational awareness in that fight with the Narwhal; he knows where the fleeing civilians are and drives the Narwhal away from them, and he is able to set up the Narwhal for a shot from Neuvi, and all of this despite already having fought the thing for weeks and being clearly exhausted.

He needs to be wanted, and he needs to be seen as strong, because to not be these things would have meant his death in the Abyss. Even out of the situation that traumatized you in the first place, it sticks with you, and coping mechanisms that may have helped you survive that situation can very well be maladaptive outside of it. He never got any sort of support to heal from that mindset, and the Fatui actively fed into it.

But inside is still that child who longed to be a hero, who wanted to be loved. You can still see him in Ch.ilde's love for his siblings, his dedication to those he cares for. Ajax wants to be seen, to feel worthy of being seen without constantly having to prove himself strong enough to deserve it — and yet this is not a mindset he can readily put down, even for one person. It is ingrained into his behavior at a fundamental level.

This desire to be strong has led him to separate himself from 'Ajax'. He views Ajax as a weak, naive child, and convinces himself that is no longer him. He is a mask that Ch.ilde will wear around his family because he loves them, but that child is no longer him. (You believe that, right? Please believe that.) Yet his Harbinger persona is as much a mask as Ajax is. He chases battle, is always trying to become stronger, not only to convince others around him but himself.

Mentioned su/icidal behavior cw. He is so caught up in this he doesn't care about his own safety, his own life. Delusion that saps your life force? Don't mind if he does. Throwing himself into battle against stronger opponents? Here he goes. Pulcinella states that he craves encounters that bring him closest to his own demise. It is a sort of thrill, a comfort to him, proving to himself he can survive, but if he does die? Fine. He does not care for his own life. End cw.

tldr: he is not okay. His time in the Abyss was absolutely traumatic for him, and his time with Sk.irk and how his parents treated him afterwards has led to his current mindset today.

#✶ — › a better weapon than person / headcanon.#( personals dni. )#this is a rp hc I'm not arguing about it #once again shoutout to shrimpy for letting me yell abt this and iron out my thoughts <333 #he has so many layers to him and it makes me cry

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animemocha · 10 months

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Ushijima Wakatoshi: The Perfect Ace (Haikyuu Essay)

Haikyuu is brilliantly divided into three sections, the Miyagi matches, nationals, and a time skip where we see one of my favourite games and moments (which I shan't mention).

Three of the four seasons focus on the first section of the manga. One of the things this section does so well, is set up the perfect antagonist, the perfect end goal.

In Dragonball Z we have Frieza, in Demon Slayer we have Muzan, and in Attack on Titan we have�� uhh I’m not really sure what we have…

Anyway.

Haikyuu does things a little differently. While Oikawa was definitely a hurdle, and a large one at that. The end goal was always one team. Or rather, it was one player. The ace of the top team in the prefecture. A powerhouse, whose presence alone struck fear in the hearts of his opponents.

Of course. I’m talking about Ushijima Wakatoshi.

No. No. No no no.

Ushijima is NOT boring. Jiren was boring. Not just boring. This guy literally put me to sleep.

But then again he also gave us one of the best moments in Super.

Unlike Jiren, Ushijima actually has a personality, but it’s actually his team’s philosophy that makes them, and by extension, Ushijima, such a great antagonist.

Volleyball is a battle.

It’s a simple philosophy, one built on power and height, and it sharply contrasts the qualities of our protagonists.

Karasuno play with speed, creativity, and time differentials. But Shiratorizawa are different. They have a diamond.

Ushijima wields absolute power. And it’s because of this, that the entire Shiratorizawa team is built around him. He is the textbook definition of the perfect ace. He’s reliable.

We’re introduced to Ushijima early on in the story, with the main cast in awe that he was able to make the U20’s National Team at such a young age. And as luck would have it, a certain two idiots run into him while out jogging.

This is the first time we see anyone interact with Ushijima, and we learn that… he’s kind of a prick. Except, that’s not quite true, is it?

The truth is, there’s no malice behind any of Ushijima’s insults. He’s quite literally just stating facts. Albeit, really, really, really bluntly.

He’s not very expressive, has very few flaws, and is rather stoic. But that’s what’s so perfect about him. Unlike Oikawa, who’s rather… well… you know?

Ushijima is the complete opposite. He’s simple.

Of course, there’s a lot more to Ushijima than just this. We learn a lot about his past through flashbacks of him with his father.

And as great as this moment is, it isn’t what makes him such an amazing antagonist. What makes him such a great end goal is the effect he has on our main cast.

This meeting here, the insults and the declaration of war that followed, are a massive reason for Hinata and Kageyama’s growth. It’s not out of personal animosity, but rather his honest opinion - an unyielding belief in the strength of his team.

This dismissiveness is what ignites the flame in Karasuno, driving them to prove their worth. Ushijima’s formidable power and stoic demeanour push Karasuno to their limits, forcing them to dig deeper, adapt, and evolve. They rise to his challenge, and through their trials, they grow.

The opening for the season literally portrays Ushijima as a mountain, a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. I mean what more proof do you need?

And this is all without even getting into the final match. A game so good, that they dedicated an entire season to it.

Just think about what you see here. Hinata’s declaration of war, Nishinoya’s persistence, the third year’s giving it all for what could be their final ever game, and the greatest moment of the season…

All of this, all of these moments are in response to pure, unadulterated strength.

These moments would not have been the same if it were not for the utterly perfect writing that went into crafting one of the most impressive characters in the whole show.

Ushijima is a force of nature. His sheer presence brings out the best in our protagonists. He’s strong, powerful, intelligent, athletic, and has seemingly limitless stamina.

He is exactly what this story needed and more.

psst... if you liked this essay, check out the full video essay on my youtube channel!

- love ya

youtube

#haikyuu #video essay #anime #anime and manga #youtube #ushijima wakatoshi #Youtube

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stuffedeggplants · 2 years

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Send a character ask:

Niner and/or the Master Chief

I haven't finished the Halo games and haven't read any of the books yet, so I will answer for Niner. (I don’t think anyone will be surprised when I say that what I have played of the games has given me very little insight into the chief’s character.)

First impression

My impression based on Hard Contact was that he was going to be a very straightforward, "steady" sort of character with stuff going on under the surface that would take time to reveal itself/to understand. He seemed like somebody who you wouldn’t exactly be buddy-buddy with, but who you’d know was unquestionably dedicated to the team and genuinely gave a shit about you as an individual even if he wouldn’t always get it right. (I think if he could go back and redo his first ever conversation with Fi, he would. Opening with that "did you hold back or are you only still alive by accident" line has everything to do with Niner’s grief and frustration and nothing to do with Fi himself, but from Fi’s end and anybody else’s it could sound like a bitter sort of accusation, and Niner eventually realizes that after he says it.)

I also wasn’t expecting anything dramatic from his POV or any sort of overt pathos, (though I’m on the fence about whether that’s the right way to express what I want to say.)

Impression now

Niner unexpectedly became by favorite character and the one I found the most relatable. I haven’t done a 180 on my impression of him, and nothing has really ‘changed’ so much as evolved. Having finished the series and marinated on it for a bit, something that wasn’t obvious to me before about his character goes back to something a user here said before. It was something to the effect of Niner in some respects being the person who Skirata wanted to be. I think Niner absorbed the importance of the best qualities that Skirata aims for, and he tries to live out/emulate those qualities without repeating Skirata’s mistakes and falling short where Skirata fell short. Of course Niner isn’t perfect and has his own struggles, but I do think he learned what to do and some of what not to do from observing his training sergeant.

I don’t know a lot about dog breeds, but the two also remind me of the kinds of dogs who need some kind of family/group to guard and watch over and be a part of to be happy. I’d need to think about the right language for this, but my first instinct is to say that they both need a clear sense of purpose and a family to orient around, and they struggle with that in different ways.

Over the course of the books, Niner sees the rest of Omega start to think about life outside the army and take real steps towards building that aspect of their lives. But because Niner initially (and completely understandably) struggles to contextualize his identity and purpose without filtering it through the only thing he’s ever known, i.e. the army, he doesn’t understand what his place would look like in that future and what would happen to the family he needs. This leads to some questioning moments with Darman and a sort of argument with Atin. He can’t handle the idea of being adrift without that family unit and seems genuinely afraid of all the unknowns should Fi, Atin, and Darman get exactly what they want entirely outside the bounds of what the military has allotted them. It isn’t until 501st that he’s made enough progress for the unknown to be exciting to him rather than a cause of anxiety, and he realizes that deserting to go live with everyone on Mandalore means an opportunity to discover who he is as a person, and that he can even form new kinds of relationships without abandoning or somehow lessening the strength of old ones as he was previously afraid would be the case.

Skirata has a different problem. The importance he places on family and the driving purpose it gives him have translated to him being so wedded to a specific conception and mental image/model of himself as a clan leader and father figure that it actively hinders him from learning from his mistakes with the people he ostensibly cares about; really internalizing that and trying to change would mean that there’s something wrong with his mental image of himself and that it also would have to change. But he keeps acting to reinforce that image rather than adapt it as necessary, even if it means he keeps screwing up in the same ways and emotionally harming people because of it.

Favorite moment

Don’t have one, but some scenes I liked:

His conversation with Darman after the argument with A’den about Sull brought him to my active attention and got me started thinking about him.

I loved his content in 501st as he supports Darman while navigating an oppressive surveillance state. The Niner-Darman chapters are what got me through the book. That is not an exaggeration.

The scene in Hard Contact where he’s casually checking the Wikipedia page on the “non-hostile” gdans as one of them is gnawing at his boot is low-key funny.

Idea for a story

Maybe in AU or not depending on where I can squeeze it in, but an adaptation of the time when my family and the family of a childhood friend tried to mutually set both of us up during an awkward, totally-not-arranged dinner. Only this would be Skirata noticing that Niner hasn’t been paired off by the narrative yet, so he arranges a big meal at Kyrimorut as pretext to try and set Niner up with someone he thinks he’d like. Mercifully Levet eventually rescues him.

Unpopular opinion

I do like the ace!Niner headcanon and have come out supporting it myself, but I’m also okay with him eventually having a romantic relationship because of what I think it could represent for his character arc and how he understands, well, all the stuff I talked about in the Impressions Now section. I’m ace too, but I do think this was actually one case where, instead of being paired off for the sake of being paired off (like Corr), even the beginnings of him having a different sort of relationship with somebody could’ve been interesting for him given his character arc. Necessary? No. Just interesting.

Despite what I just said, I did appreciate how Niner was not romantically paired off with anyone and was immune from Objective: Find a Girlfriend. (If he does have that sort of relationship with somebody, really I see it coming further down the line after the never-to-come sequel to 501st wraps up and being a pretty slow burn type thing.)

Favorite relationship

His friendship with Darman and how they end up saving each other in this cyclical sort of arc.

Favorite headcanon

My idea for a story and the ace!Niner headcanon mesh well I think.

#You can really tell where I realized that the post was way too long lol #ask games #republic commando #niner #kal skirata

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nhaamazu · 2 years

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FFXIV Write 2022 - Day 12 - Miss the Boat

Aymeric’s busy schedule has interrupted many dates with the Warrior of Light - some cancelled, some forgotten. In her grace, she gave him one final opportunity to prove that he was as dedicated to her as he was to his work... (p.s. they do work things out eventually!)

Aymeric ran, through lamplit streets and down snow-covered steps. He cared not who saw him, nor who he almost knocked over on his way. Francel had said she had left not five minutes before he had arrived in the Firmament, frantic, his underlayers already soaked through with sweat. She could not be far ahead and the last airship was not due to depart for a little while - he still had time. He still had time.

Ah, the lament of the lost. Of the fools who had not yet realised that the game was already forfeit. But what did he have if not hope? It was hope that had driven him to chase her, and it was hope that would drive him until the moment that she crushed it.

This was his last chance. Their last chance. Fury knew he didn’t deserve it. How many nights had he cancelled on her? How many times had he left her waiting? Too many.

“Let me make it up to you. Please. Tomorrow at seven - before you leave. I will take you for dinner. Let me do this - Let me show you my contrition, and prove to you how much I care.”

And yet he had taken his eye off the clock, had buried himself in paperwork and the next thing he knew it was almost eight and he was very much not where he needed to be.

In the distance, he saw a familiar form walking slowly towards the airship landing. He was not too late!

“Avelyn!” he called.

She stopped. And so did he, yalms from her.

“I am so very sorry,” he said, gasping for breath between words. “I…I was careless. I lost track of the time and-”

Her fists uncurled at her sides and she resumed her journey, one foot in front of the other. She didn’t have the strength to deal with this right now. Not again. But he called her name one more time and that stupid sentimental part of her brought her to turn, to face him at last.

“I don’t fault you, Aymeric,” she said, her voice and her strength wavering. “I do not envy the weight upon your shoulders. Your position demands so much of you. I…I knew this. I accepted it. Because I have demands on my time too. But I always made time for you. Always. Yet my company is of so little significance in the grand scope of your world that I never even crossed your mind.”

Her heart felt too heavy, like it was laden with too great a weight to beat. The past year felt like a fever dream, and perhaps it had been. The kind one woke from with naught but a painful longing. There was nothing on this star that she wanted more than to be with him, but mayhap they were simply from worlds that were just too different.

“I know that I have erred. Gravely. And I know it is foolish for me to ask for one more chance. So tell me how I can make this right and I will. Whatever it takes.”

She had rehearsed this moment over and over in her mind, and in every scenario she had screamed and shouted until she was hoarse, called him every name under the sun and then more. Now, she was simply tired.

“You can’t!” she snapped - all she could muster, and a small sliver of what he deserved. “There is no room in your world for me, nor anyone else. And waiting around, hoping the day comes when you see me the way I want you to is killing me. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Avelyn…”

“Don’t. I don’t want your hollow words. I never did. All I wanted was you. But that was asking too much.”

In the near distance, the airship ticketer called for the last flight to Kugane. That was her. This was her. Choosing to board. To walk away. And she did.

“You still have hope,” he said. She paused again, but did not turn to him this time. “If you did not, you would have taken the aetheryte - you would not have waited for the airship.”

Ha. He was right. Give him more time, she had thought. Let him come running to you. He won’t. But he had, and the spark of hope it ignited in her chest was dangerous. Something aching to be snuffed out. Yet she left it there, perhaps not kindled but not smothered either. What she would do with it, she did not yet know.

#ffxivwrite2022 #wolmeric #Aymeric de Borel #ffxiv #fanfic

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hamartia-grander · 6 months

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so I’ve seen ur adalice propaganda and I’ve heard vague mentions of alice, so what makes her the perfect girlfriend for ada? :)

WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *explodes*

This is not going to make much sense and I'm going to be all over the place and I apologise I am just very mentally ill over Alice (and ada x alice)

SO. Alice Abernathy is the main protagonist from the live action Resident Evil film series directed by Paul W. S. Anderson, starring Milla Jovovich as Alice. Alice started out as a highly trained operative working for Umbrella - she could kick some serious ass, and her job title was head of security so she'd basically act as a bodyguard or field agent depending on what Umbrella needed from her. However, once she found out the truth of what Umbrella was creating, all the genetic viruses and bioweapons, and how they planned to do terrible things with them, she worked with another Umbrella employee with the intention of spilling Umbrella's secrets before they released the virus, and then getting Umbrella shut down. Alice failed, because she was incapacitated by Umbrella's own security measures when another Umbrella agent (a bad guy) unleashed the T-virus on the entire Hive (Umbrella's underground facility where they actually worked on the T-virus, and everyone who worked here knew what they were doing). But point is she tried.

Alice is cunning, perceptive, kind-hearted, and strong-willed. She is also very stubborn, and believes she can accomplish anything just because she's not going to stop until it's done or she dies. She's very very dedicated and heroic. She refuses to shoot a single team member even after they've been obviously infected because there's the slightest chance they could find the cure in time, before she remembers there even is a cure. She thinks she can save them all through sheer will. She cares about anyone and is willing to set aside differences to help people. She knows her strengths and she's not afraid to face dangerous situations, even offering to go alone when she can because she doesn't want anyone else to get hurt. And the funny thing is, rather than introducing Alice to the games, Capcom has instead given many of her best traits and attributes to Leon: her heroism, her compassion, her eagerness to help, and her perseverance. (Leon was technically a character before Alice, but if you see the movies versus the RE games that came after, you'll get what I mean, it's very obvious they took lots of inspiration from Alice's character). They also literally ripped off the scene where Leon drives a motorcycle into the Arias monster in RE Vendetta from Alice doing the exact same thing in the second Resident Evil film, years before him. But later on, the movies started giving Alice aspects of Leon's character, because he only shows up in one movie. And when Ada is finally introduced to the films, they gave her and Alice the exact same knife fight as Leon and Ada had in the original RE4. Like, down to the flip thing Ada does to catch her gun. The same scene. That was where the Adalice thoughts first started for me, because h u h??? Giving your main protagonist the same scene with Ada that Ada also has with her love interest in the games???? hm,,,, (also worth mentioning - Milla Jovovich as Alice cannot be in the same shot as another woman without acting like she's in love with them. Like so many Alice ships exist with other women - Jill, Claire, Rain - because Alice naturally creates so much tension with the other female characters and cannot look at another women without heart eyes. It's so great.)

Now the FUN part is, Alice already knows who Ada is and what she does when they meet. She is fully aware that Ada indirectly worked for Umbrella, and was Wesker's top agent. And Ada's story is different than her journey in RE2 when she and Leon met - development wise, Ada's is about where she'd be after re4r. So while these factors are different, and Ada in this film is trying to move away from her past work, she still has Umbrella and Wesker tying her down. Alice knows all of this. And once Ada explains the situation, Alice trusts her. They help each other in this film, because they both have the common goal of taking down umbrella. Now some context, the films are MUCH more dystopian/apocalyptic, as Anderson decided to take the route of a global infection rather than only keeping the t-virus in raccoon city, and outbreaks select parts of the world like the games do. So at this point in the films, Umbrella has taken over the entire world, and Alice is still fighting tooth and nail to bring them down. Ada joins her, they help each other, but they also have mutual respect for each other. And even better, Alice doesn't expect more from Ada than Ada verbally offers to give. Alice is more than willing to complete tasks on her own, but Ada still helps her - even when Alice decides to adopt a little girl on the way who mistook Alice for her mother. (You can tell Ada doesn't really care for kids and it's funny, but she still helps Alice protect the girl). Ada gets to shine as her own character, and while she's definitely not given the same space and consideration that she gets in the RE4 Remake, she definitely gets more than most of the games combined. Ada being allowed to maintain her character and identity without having to sacrifice anything or give more than she's willing to just to appease Alice is one of the BIGGEST ways Adalice differs from Aeon, despite Alice and Leon being similar. (Ada has a type lmao)

Also, side note, here is the only "romantic" scene Ada and Leon share (and notice also how Ada looks at/reacts to Alice instead)

I want Leon dead I want to kill him so bad he sucks extra bad in this film

Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say here is, Ada and Alice have all the good attributes that Ada and Leon have, but without the one-sided obsession and secrets. (And Alice is like if Leon actually respected Ada as a person rather than an object of his desire he views through a warped lens LMAO.) And so there's the intrigue of Alice and Ada's dynamic where they are "on opposite sides", but they work together towards a common goal, respect each other, look out for each other, and care for each other, and it's mutual. And they get the enemies to lovers speedrun edition where they're only enemies for like 2 minutes.

Idk, I don't wanna be like "just watch the movie" but also,,, Resident Evil: Retribution is SUCH a good movie and I think everyone should watch it. It's my favourite live action RE film, and Ada and Alice's relationship just shines in it.

#my heart started racing typing this i literally couldn't form a single coherent thought my God I'm sorry this is a mess #I'm literally throwing up shaking rn i love them so much #thank you for asking me this #resident evil #Alice Abernathy #Ada Wong #Adalice #resident evil retribution #JOIN MY ADALICE CAMPAIGN THERE'S ONLY LIKE 4 OF US BUT WE'RE SO INTELLIGENT #not putting this under a read more bc everyone should read this and also watch RE Retribution PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE #ada x alice #alice x ada #this ship is so vacant I am literally running the tags lmao

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xsugarysweetsx · 2 years

Note

Young king! Bakugou having his first kiss with young Servant reader. Than it follows to them getting married

Please enjoy~

************************************************

It all started when you first started working at the castle

You were about 17 and Bakugou was 19 . You were a simple servant doing your everyday duties. Such has his laundry, the cooking, and the cleaning.

after a couple months working in Bakugou's Castle, the maids would tease you saying that Bakugo had a soft spot for you. You didn't want to believe in nor did you feed into it . But you did have to make you didn't notice a few things that he would do that he did to no one else.

He talked to you more often, and usually in a very casual tone. He even asked you to call him by his first name instead of formalities which was a very big shock to you. He was also known for having a temper but he never quite had a temper with you. If anything he came to you to vent about certain things that gave him a temper. However, you never noticed the look he would give you. How he would stare at your lips and longed for just a kiss.

And you did have somewhat Thomas some feelings for the king. However you bury those feelings deep down because of your status and his status. So my think you only did it to have an easier life, or to get out of your working life. But you truly did love him. His drive, his persistence, his strength, and how he would dedicate everything into improving his kingdom and himself. It was quite admirable.

He had even promoted you to his personal servant. Mostly because he wanted to see you more

One day while you came in with his fresh laundry you were informing him on his duties of the day and what to expect for it. He didn’t even take notice as he took QuiccStrikes across the room to you. His rough hands came to cuff your jaw and tilt your head gently up to look at him. His eyes are glued to your lips and glance your eyes and back down.

“K-katsuki….?” where snap him out of his trans his lips find yours in a passionate very gentle kiss. Almost as if he was embracing you with his lips. Your hands came up to try and push him away but instead wrapped around his neck and pulled him in to a deeper kiss. This shouldn’t have happened, it was taboo with anything, but you want it. You wanted this so bad, you felt love for him since the day you started to become closer

He held you close and then you disappear the second he let go. He buried his face into the cook of your neck and breathed in your sense

“Y/N, I never felt this way for anyone else, and I don’t want to. Ever since that day you started working here I couldn’t get your face out of my head, it was all I could see. What the hell did you do to me? I might be the king but you’re the ruler of my heart, and there’s no turning back now.“

After that day you both will make enough for to see each other even if it was just a glimpse. And after hours when the castle was quiet you would sneak out of your quarters and go to his private room. And sometimes you would spend the night, since you had fallen asleep in his bed.

Sometimes it could be the middle of the day were you were doing your usual work and he would pull around a corner into an empty hall and kiss you deeply. He would kiss you as if you had been in prison for years and he hadn’t seen you until now. Then he would whisper into your ear “meet me tonight in the throne room”

This confusing charade will go on for about the next three years. The reason it went on so long was because he didn’t want to scare you away. Choose was after the night he confessed his feelings to you he immediately bought a ring to propose to you with.

However he wanted to make sure he thoroughly knew who you were. He wanted to know your favorite color, your favorite flower type, your favorite food, your favorite treats, your favorite season, everything possible to make you and keep you happy as his wife. with how long you had been staying up together with endless conversations, laughs and even tears.

He now wanted to share a life with you and No one else.

He called in the best jeweler in town to bring his best engagement rings. Of course this Bing for king Bakugou he had to bring all his best ruby rings, since the king was known to fancy rubies over many gems. after about an hour determining determining which one he really liked he came down to one with a gold band with a large ruby gem in the middle or one with a silver band that was decorated with rubies around it.

It was a hard choice since both of them would look beautiful on you. However he knew that you would want to go through the simpler option he asked the jeweler if he would be able to cut out a section of the ring with a silver band and place a small to medium size ruby in that space. Innoway getting both rings into one. The jeweler said he would have no problem making that but it would take about a month or two. However Bakugo was willing to wait if it meant proposing to you.

After much weeding an anticipation the brain was finally done and the jeweler was paid a handsome reward for his hard work. That night he asked you to meet him under a large oak tree in the gardens. It just so happened that night it was going to be a full moon and it usually hovers right over the oak tree giving it a mystic like aura. The perfect place to propose to you.

”y/n, I can't imagine spending my life without you. Of course I don’t want to spend it with anyone else but you. But I also want you to be my queen and help me roll this kingdom. Will you marry me?“

of course you were in total shock but he didn’t even have to ask twice. You tackled him in a hug and kiss him multiple times while you repeatedly said yes to his question. He slid on the ring to your finger and all he could think of was calling you his for the rest of your lives.

Now this is young king Bakugo we are speaking of so of course he is a bit impatient and your wedding was to be in a month. Of course for reparations, invitations, and Jen narrowly getting ready for the big day. He had the best tailors come and make you a custom dress to fit you perfectly and to your liking. He also had invitations sent to neighboring kingdoms inviting them to join the celebration along with also asking to buy some of their clothes for you and your wardrobe. Being his queen awesome and you get spoiled heavily

The wedding was perfect, the reception was perfect, the vows were perfect, and of course your groom was perfect. Not because he was a Keem because he was the man that you had fallen in love with. You were able to meet his friends and allies from the other kingdoms and of course he got to see his possessive side keeping you close to him at all times when ever other male guests came to congratulate you

As you now sat in your new throne next to your king you took in the view of your guests and friends dancing and conversating along the floor. He took your hand in his leaned over and asked “so how does it feel? “You took in a breath look down to the crowd once more and really thought about what your answer was going to be

“ i’m happy. And not because I’m queen. I’m happy because I could spend the rest of my life with you, I love you Katsura Bakugou”

“And I love you my queen”

************************************************

I hope you enjoyed!❤️

#bakugou x reader #king bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia x reader #bnha katsuki x reader #fantasy bnha #anime #anime x reader #fanfiction #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha x reader #mha fantasy au #mha

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ayamturd · 3 years

Text

coward│technoblade

summary: despite choosing to abandon a meaningless war, y/n finds they can't escape their emotions and past

warnings: light angst, blood/injury, slight spoilers to dsmp

pairing: in-game technoblade

a/n: none, hope you enjoy :)

wc: (1.7k) - m.list

reconcile - pt two

With a content sigh, you lowered yourself into the steaming bath.

Your tense back eased in the boiled water, tight limbs relaxing and becoming loose with every given second. It had been a productive day; from traveling to a village located on the far east coast of your home to trade for rare enchantments, to completing the final exterior of your farm, you felt the need to reward yourself with a heated bath. While it had taken time to hand heat each cauldron of water and transfer it to the tub, the ends were justifiable as you lowered yourself further to embrace the stinging warmth.

Head tilted back with eyes closed, the water met your grimy hair and soothed each strand, practically massaging your tender scalp. You welcomed the feeling with a groan, embracing yourself under the water surface to gather more warmth as if it were possible.

As you reached over the table behind you for the essential oils you recently traded, the rattle of your locked front door echoed throughout your house before strong banging replaced the sound. Opening your eyes slowly, you paused to think to yourself. No one should be here.

It had been months since you had been forced to move out on your own, but in that time you had yet to tell anyone of your location, deeming it unsafe until you understood who stood where and for what. A warrior with no war to fight and sides that demanded blood for precariously unjust reasons, you knew when to take a stand and when to take leave from a battle that would only end in loss.

Brisk knocks impeded your thoughts, the unknown intruder seemingly becoming more impatient with each rapid knock. You quickly raised yourself out of the tub and rushed to change into anything appropriate before confronting the possible assailant. Grabbing the closest weapon, it being your crossbow, you loaded a poisoned tip arrow in case of subduing the target and crept towards the front door. The pounding knocks had lost strength by then, but you were still on edge and pushed yourself against the door, listening for any threatening movement.

The silence continued to ring, and while you trained yourself to be patient in the face of danger, you decided to strike first. Gripping the door handle, you clenched the knob and breathed in before unlocking and swinging it open, crossbow aimed as you met the cool air.

The forest was cold at this time. The thick massive branches upon each tree shielded any below from the moonlight, encasing the woodland in darkness and leaving all as blind prey to monsters that roamed the night. While cautious enough to light the vicinity surrounding your home to ward off creatures, you knew better than to light enough lanterns to invite wanders near your home. Given those precautions, you were surprised to be met with the sight of someone injured on your front porch, someone you knew and dreaded at that.

Laying there before you was the legendary, pink haired Blood God himself, the man slumped on the wooden stairs, axe beside him, currently bleeding out.

Shaking off the initial shock at the sight of him, you scanned the immediate area of the landscape before racing to aid the half-piglin.

Despite being aware of his genetics and built strength, you didn’t anticipate how heavy he would be from simply dragging him into the living space. Huffing strangled breaths, you dropped him near the fire place and rushed to build the fire before assessing his injuries.

At quick glance, you could discern the bloody claw marks that tore through his clothes and ran predominantly deep along his neck line; however, upon closer inspection you noticed an arrow wound below his breastplate that he must have pulled out in adrenaline during the encounter. He was ambushed and surrounded in the dark of the night.

While you knew he could defend himself in almost any situation, you also knew that anyone with even the best skillset could struggle against an uneven matched mob of ravage, mindless beasts. You grabbed the necessary first-aid supplies and equipment, as well as your saved healing potion you brewed for such an occasion, before kneeling to address the wounds.

Soaking a clean rag with the glimmering, vibrant red brew, you took the remaining concoction within the glass and tilted it into his agape mouth, hand beneath his raised head as you positioned him enough to unconsciously swallow. Once you were certain he could internally heal from the damage, you removed his armor and worked to clean and heal the largest wounds while preparing to stitch him close. Even breaths and the occasional fire crackle filled the empty silence, though you were too focused to notice, attention solely on the gory sight until the final knot tie. After that, you finished wrapping his torso and bandaged the smaller cuts.

Letting out a sigh of relief from completing the harrowing task, you rubbed your forehead in exhaustion before scanning him once over. You paused as you settled on his face, his expression calm and in eery peace despite his condition and the blood that still coated his cheeks. Staring at him for some time, you rose to walk into the kitchen and filled a small bowl with clean water, returning to settle back down next to him and wringing the copper stained rag in the bowl before dabbing the towel along his features.

You couldn’t help but observe his handsome face, taking in each scar and the light stubble growing from his chin to neck. His eyelashes fluttered as you gently brushed each streak away while his lips were slanted in a thin line in spite of each small graze above them. The faint lighting complimented his every angle, giving him a soft, heavenly glow that radiated his beauty. You had obviously noted his attractiveness from afar before, it being almost impossible to ignore. Even so, none of those past moments allowed you to look close enough to recognize the delicate details that adorned his face and gave character beyond his striking personality.

Regardless of the fact that you were never romantically involved, you had held a past with Technoblade before your departure. From the very moment he had arrived to aid his brothers in combat, you both grew a mutual respect for one another, on the battlefield in addition to each other’s presence. He showed loyalty beyond political matters and relied on intelligence besides power when in combat against another. His compassion to those dear to him was distinct yet subtle, and he never failed to compliment you with every win during sparing matches with humility and constructive praise. As time continued on and the war became costly, you soon realized you had fallen for him in the midst of conflict. Even if there was no greater battle in the forefront, the idea of admitting your vulnerability scared you beyond admission. Never, in your life, had you have to come to terms for caring about or for someone that it weakened and consumed your mentality entirely. He inhabited every thought, every choice you made from then, and it only escalated your inner conflict from there.

Wilbur Soot and Tommyinnit had been your closets allies before the election; they relied on you as much as you relied on them. While you had pledged allegiance to them initially, you couldn’t help but doubt their motives as war became imminent, especially when Wilbur devolved into something unrecognizable. The past became a feeble attachment as Wilbur lost his drive and sanity while Tommy was still a child, too young to face more bloodshed, let alone his second time.

When you originally confided your opinions to him, Technoblade had comforted you. He validated your viewpoints and basically agreed with every impression you made; however, he did nothing to support any action to prevent the warfront. While you had always admired his dedication towards his own principles in life, you saw them then as a fault for he refused to abandoned the lost cause in hopes of further proving his agenda against governmental authority that destabilize a people and ideal. It hurt to admit your fears and for him to not follow suit, especially when you expressed your desires to abandon the cause entirely.

You had fought against him on it for weeks until he snapped one day.

He said things to you that stung, calling you an enemy that didn’t fight for anyone but yourself. It was the first time he raised his voice at you threateningly and that you were genuinely afraid of him. Eyes a dangerous, deep red, Technoblade stood above you in a light you had never seen; you now understood why he was feared in opposition. You cowered, taking in all of his harsh words as if a child were berated for their choices and wants. His words cut deep, yet his final ones hurt the most.

“If you want to be a coward, then leave.”

And leave you did.

His face held no remorse then, and with burning eyes and an aching heart you ran and never turned back. A small part of you wished you had admitted what you felt, yet in the end, his actions spoke loud enough for you to understand what he thought of you, and you proved it to yourself when conciously running away from it all: you were a coward afraid of their own emotions.

While Technoblade gave you reason to leave, you justified your departure to your own understanding. Your loyalties lied with the people instead of the endgame, yet the ones who you thought would stand by you seemed more driven for their own victory than a defining purpose. You wanted no part of it.

Glancing up when he started to shift in his sleep, you realized you were crying from the sudden recollection. It had been some time since you thought of your past, his simple presence bringing back unwanted and ashamed memories. Wiping the fallen tears harshly, you noticed your hands were caked in his blood and scowled in distain of the overwhelming smell.

Deciding it would be best to stay up and watch over him for the night, you got up to properly clean yourself and change. Before you could leave the room, however, you made the effort to lay a blanket over Techno and rest a pillow beneath his unruly hair, purposely undoing his braid and tenderly combing through the tangled locks.

He softly hummed from your touch and leaned into your palm, your fingers freezing from the movement. It was a sight to see the ever so violent ‘Blood God’ unguarded from your affections, and the thought alone discouraged you more. Even after running all this way, I still can’t escape you, huh?

#dream smp x reader #dream smp x you #technoblade x reader #technoblade x you #technoblade x gn!reader #mcyt x reader #mcyt x you #dsmp x reader

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buckystarlight · 3 years

Text

A Blessing, Beautiful And True

pairing: bucky x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k

warnings: use of she/her pronouns; swearing if you squint; mentions of death; mentions of food

a/n: this is a rewrite of one of my old fics that i absolutely hated with my entire being. i hate this a little bit less djaksjsjs also pls ignore how i literally cannot write a good ending to save my life.

dedicated to @xsamsharons for lending me her name. i hope i did it justice mi amor ily <3

Bucky learnt to value things.

Not the great, terribly material things people around him seemed to rush after. Not money, not even when he was barely getting by.

No, for Bucky, it was the small, seemingly insignificant things.

The tiny toy WWII soldier figurine he found at a yard sale one Tuesday afternoon, the one with the missing arm. The near-exact model of the car his father used to drive—rusted around the tiny steel axel, the rubber wheels worn from use. That yellow screwdriver set that sat at the very back of the tool cabinet in the garage, unusable because of the cracked plastic handles and rusted steel, that looked exactly like the kit he had once used to fix up the plumbing in his first apartment.

Bucky was used to valuing the broken little things.

He never truly understood what loving something whole, something complete felt like—not until he met you.

You, in your white sweater and blue jeans, hair tossed up in a braid. You, your eyes that dancing with unbroken light, like the rays of the sun on the ocean on a bright summer’s day. You, with the sort of kindness he never truly thought he would ever be worthy of, not until you showed him that he was.

You, the girl he fell in love with before he could ever truly know what love was.

Steve might’ve been the first to notice. He was with him that day, the day he first saw you. They had been hunting for a Christmas present for Tony, and even though Bucky wasn’t exactly thrilled to have to attend, he wasn’t about to show up empty handed.

Steve didn’t even realize that the sly-footed assassin wasn’t by his side until he had walked the two blocks from the mall to his car. Hands ghosting over the gun tucked into the holster hooked into his waistband, Steve retraced his steps, his heart thundering in his throat.

Until he heard Bucky’s laugh.

Not the obviously fake chuckles he used to placate those around him. No, this was the laugh he remembered, the laugh he thought Bucky had lost.

This was Bucky’s laugh—his Bucky’s laugh, before the world stole him away. Pure and innocent.

Happy—so undeniably, inexplicably happy.

The tension eased from his shoulders when he saw you. Steve knew who you were, of course. Everyone did—or at least, everyone who had been around after the Battle of New York. Everyone who had seen you walk among the rubble, bleeding through your jeans, helping dig survivors out of the rubble, guiding them to shelters. Everyone who had seen you do everything you could help those who needed it more than you did, until your legs finally gave way and the only reason you didn’t collapse to the floor was because Steve caught you.

But Steve also happened to know why you’d done it. Because you were kind. Because you were selfless. Because you knew what it was like to lose everyone you loved, and to garner the strength to build yourself up anyway.

You’d lost people too—everyone you loved, killed during the Battle. Your family. Your friends. It might’ve seemed cruel to be spared. Might’ve seemed like a cold, dark twist of fate—and for a time, it did.

Steve had never known anyone to be resilient the way you were.

And maybe, just maybe, he thought to himself, as he watched his friend from through the glass, maybe you would teach him to hold on to the tiniest sliver of hope too.

—

Bucky didn’t even like books.

The only book he’d read—aside from the coursework assigned to him in his school days—was The Hobbit. And even that had taken him an ungodly amount of time to finish.

So yeah, Bucky didn’t exactly like books.

But he still visited the tiny bookstore on the corner every day.

He didn’t even buy anything. He just looked around, running his fingertips over the spines of the books that jutted out of the wooden shelves, the sunlight turning his eyes into uncharted waters of the oceans, swimming with undiscovered secrets and untold lies.

You would talk to him. All the time, and with no trace of the usual pity or sympathy that he heard when he spoke to people. You talked to him in a way that made him feel like himself, in a way that made him feel like he just might rediscover the man he used to be.

That first time he’d seen you was burned into the back of his brain, the image of you standing there with a hip braced against a bookshelf, dressed in a white sweater and jeans, your hair pulled into a braid over your shoulder. He had watched as a strand escaped, falling into your face.

And him—he'd stood there, watching you talk to another woman he couldn't recall because really, how could he look at anything else but you? Bucky was certain he looked like a gaping idiot, both wanting your attention to turn to him, and dreading the fact that he would surely make a fool of himself if you so much as looked at him.

Back in the 40s, things would've been so much easier. He would already have said something witty to make you laugh, he would already have been telling you about the carnival down at the beach and asking if you wanted to go with him.

But when your friend left, and you asked him if there was anything you could help him with, his voice sounded strange to his own ears as he croaked, "Books?"

You had laughed—and he found himself laughing along. A true laugh—for the first time in a long time, the sound didn’t sound fake to his own ears. For the first time in a long time, he felt like himself.

Bucky had taught himself to value that which wasn’t whole—because he wasn’t, either. Love was give and take. Love was equal.

If he was to deserve your love, he would have to be whole again. If he was to deserve your love, he would make himself whole again.

—

There was a sudden shift in the way Bucky viewed the world.

It had been three days since he last saw you, but he walked in through those doors anyway. He had no cause, no reason—he just couldn’t go any longer without seeing you.

You were sitting by the bay window at the very back, reading a book. He took a second just to take you in, to get used to the fact that you weren’t just a figment of his imagination.

The second you looked up, your face split into a grin, like you were truly, genuinely happy to see him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had smiled at him that way. “Hey, you’re back! It’s Bucky, right?��

He nodded. He couldn't trust himself to speak, not when he was sure he would stumble over his words, not when he couldn't bring himself to string together a coherent sentence in your presence.

"What can I help you with today?" you asked, snapping your book shut and placing it on the table.

"Uh... What're you reading?"

You glanced down at your book before looking up to meet his eyes again. Blue, you thought, supressing a smile. Icy blue, but warm nonetheless—familiar in the way most things aren’t. "Wuthering Heights. You've never read it?"

He shook his head no. "Never been much of a reader, no. Is it any good?"

"It's one of my favourites," was your answer, watching as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The light caught the steel of the chain around his neck—the chain of one of those military-issue dog tags.

And maybe that was how it started—on that dreary cold Wednesday, when you'd stood next to the bookshelf by the window, telling him about your favourite book, but really all he could focus on was the late afternoon sun rendering the hue of your eyes several shades lighter, the soft slope of your nose, the fullness of your mouth. Every little detail about you was etched permanently into his mind—and he wanted to learn more.

He wanted to know everything there was to know about you.

It was about closing time when he decided he had to go. Not because he wanted to, but because he had promised he would have dinner with Sam and Steve. And as much as Bucky wanted to stay, he was a man of his word.

Which is why when he promised you he would come see you as soon as he finished reading the book, you knew he meant it.

—

And you were right.

Two days later, he was back.

It was raining that day, early in the morning when you were just about to open up. And there, standing under the awning in the freezing rain, was Bucky, the collar of his coat turned up against the wind, drenched to the bone.

"What're you doing here?" you asked, eyes wide.

"I just... I don't know," he said. Because he didn't. Bucky didn't even like books—but he did like being around you. There was a strange sort of calm about you, a sense of peace he'd only known in Wakanda. Around you, he was just Bucky—not Sargent Barnes, not the Winter Soldier—just Bucky.

He liked being just Bucky.

You shook your head, but he could've sworn he saw the corner of your mouth tilt upwards as you fished your keys out of your pocket and unlocked the door. "Well, come on inside. I'll turn up the heat and get you something warm to drink. Christ, Buck, you could get pneumonia or something.”

He only nodded once. It didn't matter that he wouldn't get sick—not when the serum in his veins healed his body faster than normal. It didn’t matter that even if he could sick, he wouldn’t have cared, not when you were looking at him like that, with concern in your eyes for something other than your own safety.

You had a coffee machine in the back room, you told him. He followed you, lingering in the doorway as you bustled about, humming a tune under your breath. He recognized it as a song from that one Marvin Gaye album Sam couldn’t stop talking about. He recognized it as a song he wanted to listen to for the rest of his life, if only you were the one singing it.

He recognized that, for better or for worse, you would be his undoing.

—

After that, he came to see you every day.

When the weather got colder still, he brought you steaming cups of hot chocolate from your friend Bella’s café down the street. And on the days when he didn’t, he would head into the back room and make you coffee. You’d never had to tell him how you took it—after that in the rain, he’d somehow remembered what you liked.

You weren’t about to tell him, but you remembered what he liked too.

It started out simple—plum cider that you found on your weekly trip to the farmer’s market. An old vintage copy of The Hobbit from the forties. Rubber silencers for his dog tags that he never used but carried around in his pocket anyway—until eventually, you had something new for him every week, some insignificant thing that he looked at with the kind of childlike awe that made your heart twist into knots in your chest.

He walked you home too. Every evening, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, slowing his stride so that he could walk alongside you. He would stand outside, across the street, hands in his pockets, waiting for you to walk into the apartment you shared with Bella. Only leaving when the lights came on and he knew you were safe.

Bucky wasn’t much of a talker—you learnt that about him. He would spend all day sitting quietly in a corner of your store, reading one of the books he found on the shelf of used copies you kept in the back of the room.

He seemed to love those used books more than the new ones—books someone had already read, books that had already been loved.

He felt a little that way sometimes, too. A little too used for love, not loved enough for use.

But never when he was with you.

And you—you were falling for Bucky Barnes. A little by little, day by day, without even realizing it—not until it all came rushing to you one afternoon, like a dam breaking, like the ocean of his eyes pulling you under, especially when you felt his gaze on you from time to time, watching you as you worked.

That afternoon, a new shipment of books came in. You didn’t even have to ask him for help—he was already on his feet, snapping his copy of Anna Karenina shut, mumbling a soft, “I’ve got it,” as you signed for the order. Hefted the two cartons of books like they weighed nothing at all, and carried them inside.

There was a strange tightness in your stomach as you watched him, standing in the middle of your store—the only thing the Battle of New York hadn’t taken away from you—and you wondered just how it took so damn long to realize that the feeling of familiarity didn’t lie among these books, but rather, in Bucky himself.

—

It was a slow day, so the two of you spent the rest of the afternoon restocking the shelves. He asked you about each of the books, watching your eyes light up as you talked about your favourite ones, until conversation lapsed into a comfortable silence, the two of you basking in each other’s company as you worked.

You didn't even realize how much time had passed until you heard the door open and your friend Bella breezed in. She'd been here the first day Bucky had walked in, had noticed the way your eyes shifted to him mid-conversation like you couldn’t focus on much else when he was around. “Ready for lunch, y/n?”

You looked at Bucky, opening your mouth to ask if he wanted to come along. Not because you didn’t trust him to be alone at the store, but because you wanted his company. Because being around him felt like coming home.

He only waved you off. "Go ahead. I've got plans with Stevie. I'll be here when you're back though."

You believed him. You believed that he would always be around, for as long as you wanted. And you wanted forever.

"Was that the guy from before?" Bella asked, looping an arm through yours as you left the store, walking down the street. She brushed her fiery hair out of her eyes, turning her head slightly to look at you, yellow-green eyes filled with curiosity. “What’s his name?”

"Bucky. He... He's a friend," you said.

"Well," Bella said. "He sure doesn't feel the same way."

"What do you mean?" you asked, confused.

"Y/n, he looks at you like you put the stars in his sky. Are you sure he's just a friend?"

"I... I don't know, Bella."

Because you didn't know what else to call him. Because you and him weren't friends in the way people usually are—you had always been more.

Bucky was always more.

—

"I've barely seen you," Steve said, picking up his can of Diet Pepsi and taking a sip. "Where have you been?"

"Around," Bucky mumbled. Because how could he explain why he was spending so much time at the bookstore with someone he'd only just met? How could he explain the magnetic pull he felt toward you, the inexplicable desire to just be around you?

How could he explain the way you made him feel like himself again?

But Steve knew. Steve always knew. He saw the growing stack of novels on his friend's bedside table, saw him reading at the kitchen table, book propped up against the jug of milk.

He also knew that all this was because of y/n. Because Bucky mumbled that name when he was too exhausted to even know what he was saying. Because Bucky talked in his sleep—and Steve could hear him calling that name through the thin walls that separated their rooms. "You've been at the bookstore?"

Bucky set his drink down. There was so use denying it—his friend would see right through him. Steve had known him for too damn long to believe in his lies. "She's so... I can't even put it into words. She makes me believe that there's good in this world. That all the things I did wrong don't even matter—not when I'm with her. It’s the way she looks at things, the way she’s capable of finding a little bit of good in everything. Like she found something good in me, Steve."

Steve knew it was true. Because he hadn’t seen Bucky this way for a very long time. Because he hadn’t seen that light in his friend’s eyes in a very long time, and ever since he met you, it hadn’t gone away.

—

Bucky had to leave for a couple of days.

He didn't tell you why—just that it was a work thing. How long would he be gone? He didn't know.

"I'll be back soon," he said. "I promise."

And he was. Five days later.

But Bucky was quiet—quieter than usual.

It was a Sunday, and you’d somehow managed to drag him along to the farmer’s market with you. He walked alongside you, hands in his pockets, like he was aching to reach out and touch you but desperately holding himself back.

He’d almost gotten himself killed on that mission.

You took up too many thoughts in his head, too much space in his heart. And when the bullet narrowly missed him, grazing his ribs, his only thought was whether or not you’d miss him if he was gone.

You deserved better than someone who’s life was tied to the death of others. Someone who didn’t have so much blood on his hands.

A few paces ahead of you, Bella walked hand-in-hand with Bucky’s friend Sam. You were glad that Bucky had introduced them, glad that Sam made Bella happy in ways you’d never really known or understood before.

“Look at them,” you said, watching with a smile on your face as Sam quietly slipped a couple of oranges into Bella’s bag. “They look real happy.”

Then, turning to look at him, you smiled, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Because you might deserve better, but he was selfish and stubborn, and the only thing he had wanted in so goddamn long was you you you.

“Go out with me,” he blurted, every thread of self-control he had so carefully cultivated to keep his head in your presence snapping. He felt like he was taken back to that December evening he saw you for the first time, when the words refused to leave his mouth, when you’d rendered him tongue-tied and helpless. Only this time, he couldn’t stop the words from coming out, not as he said, “One date, y/n. One date, and if you don’t have a good time, we can just forget it ever happened and move on.”

His heart shuttered when he saw the small frown creasing your brow, your voice soft as you asked, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want to do this for the rest of my life with you, y/n,” he said quietly. “But for now, I’ll take that date.”

“Okay,” you said, nodding slowly. “Okay, Bucky, I’ll go out with you.”

He couldn’t help it. Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist, drawing you to him, lifting you off your feet and spinning you around until you were both laughing, childlike and breathless, blissfully unconscious of the knowing look on Sam and Bella’s faces.

Because really, how could he see anything but you? You had been it from the first day he saw, and you were it now—a blessing, beautiful and true.

tags:

@goldengoddess @wherearethesantreys @ughlantsov @for-bebbanburg @mriddlemethis @xleiaorgana @xsamsharons

if you would like to be added to or removed from my taglist, just send me a message or an ask off anon!

#bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes #marvel mcu

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meibemeibelline · 3 years

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The Significance of the Sigure Souen Style: A Yamamoto Meta Post

So originally I wanted to do this huge meta post on Yamamoto’s character development from his intro chapter to end of Rain Battle and like, the importance of the Shigure Souen Style complete with Good Writing and manga screenshots and APA citations HENCE THE TITLE but that wasn’t happening so here’s the same thing except I explain it like THIS

Let’s go

SO, I was doing my reread of the whole manga and was thinking like, man, Gokudera had this huge emotional moment during Storm Battle where he had to sacrifice his victory to survive and realising his life was legitimately important to other people outside of what he can do as a mafioso but like, what did the Rain Battle mean for Yamamoto? What did it MEAN for him to learn the Shigure Souen Style?

Well, first off it’s something that’s been passed down from his father to him. It’s WELL established that he and Tsuyoshi are close. Like, we know LITERALLY NOTHING about his mother except that he Doesn’t Have One. So Tsuyoshi’s the only family he’s got. This point is very important for context.

Outside of baseball, the sword is the first thing he truly dedicated himself to. From the beginning he’s had the athleticism and drive (and a sort of intelligence in his body when it came to evaluating risk and how to approach present situations etc POST FOR ANOTHER TIME). But like, the Shigure Souen Style specifically taught him discipline and made him believe in something other than himself and his body and his skills, something MUCH bigger than himself. And I think THAT’S his character growth – to deepen his understanding of himself and his strength, and his place in the world (and how to really fight and how to fight to survive and KILL.)

To understand why this is so important, I think we need to start from the beginning.

When we first meet him, he only had himself and his body. He ONLY had baseball, including his talent and skills. Without baseball, there was nothing he felt he was good at (huge sign of low self-esteem). Without baseball, no one would want to be around him anymore. Even with baseball, he didn’t feel like he had any true friendships with people and that no one really understood him and was only liked on a superficial level. And that is exactly why it hurt him so much to break his arm – even a temporary injury made him feel worthless and that life wasn’t worth living anymore because his sense of self was shattered (and was already breaking even before he asked Tsuna for help).

Becoming friends with Tsuna meant that there were new parts of life that were important to him: his relationship with others. Throughout Daily Life arc he builds a strong support system of people he can trust and rely on. And because he had friends, he became more resilient in the face of adversity. He was willing to risk his arm to save Tsuna in Kokuyo arc not only because he deemed his friend’s life more important than his arm, but I would also argue that even if this action resulted in a particularly bad injury, he knew he would be okay because he would heal and he’d still be loved and someone of worth, because he had his friends this time and he’s been through it before and turned out okay then, and he will be okay now.

But, being completely to the whole mafia thing, he could still only rely on himself and his instinct because there wasn’t anyone who could properly teach him swordsmanship. Reborn gave him his bat and was like “here ya go” and he kinda had to figure out how to use it on his own. So AGAIN, he only had himself and his body. He wasn’t a ‘real’ swordsman, and with no real training or mastery, he lost of Squalo VERY quickly when he first shows up in Namimori.

So what does that mean? It means that Shigure Souen gives him a ground to stand on to improve as a fighter and as a swordsman. Like, it was no longer just about him and his strength as an individual, it’s now about the HISTORY of it, and his FATHER’S history too (thus strengthening their relationship and understanding as well and again HE’S HIS ONLY BIOLOGICAL FAMILY). It’s about how he learns, masters and honours this style. And part of that is the belief that it is invincible. That belief also allows him to believe in himself too when the going gets tough – even if he’s not strong enough, the style is, because it’s simply unbeatable – even when he’s told multiple times that Squalo has conquered every sword style in existence and that Yamamoto can’t win with Shigure Souen.

The other part of it is how he adds to that history and becomes a part of that bigger thing by creating his 9th form. Because the climax of the Rain Battle is whether or not he can beat Squalo with a new form, and that depends ENTIRELY on whether it is ‘accepted’ by the Shigure Kintoki to be Shigure Souen Style. And the fact that he using his background in baseball (the beginning stance) was how he put HIMSELF into it and became part of that history is just SO GOOD.

(Learning the Shigure Souen Style also made him calmer, more strategic, and more efficient with his movements (see post-Storm Battle when he caught Hibari’s tonfa BROOOOOO) and I think it also allowed him to hone his focus and, it being specifically designed for assassination rather than sport, he can actually take his INSANE pre-existing drive and physical talent and put it towards attacking, rather than defending. With Ken in Kokuyo arc he only knocked him out to stop him from hurting Tsuna. He had 0 intention to seriously injure him. But in Rain Battle he had to fight for his fucking life and he’d never truly done that before, but the Shigure Souen let him. Which was SUPER FUCKING RAD).

BUT ANYWAY, IN CONCLUSION, Yamamoto’s character arc is about building a stronger, more complex sense of self, which in turn builds a stronger sense of self-worth and purpose. It’s about strengthening his relationships with others to become stronger in the face of adversity, including being a part of like, a history, and a lineage of people who paved the way for him, and honouring them. And I think it’s really cool and beautiful and also VERY subtle on Amano’s part. Like, fckn 10/10 man. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

(Interestingly the history aspect of Yamamoto’s character arc majorly contrasts with Tsuna’s whole thing of like…learning about the Vongola’s violent history and the way he wholly rejects that tradition of violence and decides instead to create something new from it).

#yamamoto takeshi #katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr meta #katekyo hitman reborn meta #oh my god this got SO long it is *2AM* i have a MEETING TMRW MORNING #anw i hope this made sense #i've been wanting to gush abt this for MONTHS #bc somehow i only caught onto this THIS YEAR #so maybe i just didn't think hard enough about it before ik #idk*#ANYWAY #ENJOY #mei rereads khr

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buffysummerslay · 3 years

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I have watched Lucifer series finale yesterday and I am still reeling from feelings, feelings I need to work through to be able to move on.

Unfortunately, I am late to the party and I have started watching Lucifer (despite the show being on my radar for a few years already) when season 6 came out, and this turned avoiding spoilers about the ending as well as the show itself into an extremely hard task. I have, of course, seen some reactions to the ending and it was obvious that the viewers were divided between "the ending was amazing, they really did the story and the characters justice" and "what the fuck was that". I always take these reactions, especially when they come instantly after the episode has ended, with a grain of salt because, realistically, I haven't been fully satisfied with the way a tv show has ended - any tv show - since, like, 2010. However, I also know that there is a difference between "okay, the ending was anticlimactic/disappointing/etc, however, it is the journey that matters and I am still pretty happy with the show" and HIMYM type of ending where you are like "I want this show wiped from my memory because the final hour has ruined the entire experience for me". So, I took some time to reflect on the events that took place, gather my thoughts, and make my peace with the ending. After doing that, I can comfortably say that I am not fully satisfied with the ending because of one very simple reason - I can make sense of the choices taken by the character at the very end of the show only if I use "Lucifer gave Rory his word" rationale, and not because I believe in the theory they provided or the choices they make. So here are some of my thoughts about the ending of this beloved show, including both the things I liked and disliked. Be warned, there are spoilers ahead so if you haven't seen the show, the final season or the series finale, please stop reading because you don't want to manifest spoilery energy into your life!

The main thing I have a problem with is the time loop. I will begin by saying that I really dislike time travel in general - I think that it is an overly used plot divice that more than often creates holes in the story instead of driving the narrative where it needs to go, unless the concept of time travel is integral to the show, like for example in Timeless and Fringe. However, in this case, I dislike that the major characters have made a major decision (a serious, impactful, life-altering decision) based on a flimsy theory. And since they have told us exactly what will happen in the end, we simply didn't know why and how, I have expected a more bulletproof reasoning instead of a rushed conversation wrapped up in five minutes and sealed by a promise. Lucifer leaves Chloe and Rory and goes back to hell, Rory grows up resenting him and she becomes so angry she travels through time to confront him only to end up being the reason for his departure, therefore creating an unbreakable time loop. She makes her parents give her their word that they won't change a thing in order to make sure that Lucifer discovers his true calling, which is helping souls in Hell break their hell loops and ascend to Heaven. And the reason I am so hesitant to accept this is because of two reasons:

1. Lucifer has made amazing progress through the show when it comes to his character development, finding his worth and making peace with his identity, and yet you are trying to tell me that this is the only way he would discover his true calling, especially now when he has a higher level of understanding himself than ever before? And especially since these thoughts and doubts have already been in his mind aka him postponing to become God long before Rory's arrival into their timeline!

2. The consequences of our actions are the results of the choices we make, not the other way around. And sometimes, different choices can lead to different outcomes and sometimes the array of choices we make lead to the same outcome. It is absolutely possible that if they broke the time loop and made different choices, that their actions would lead them to the same outcome aka Lucifer finding his calling while remaining in their lives. I think that it is fully possible for them to make a timeline B (the timeline that would have been created if they broke the time loop) based on the discoveries from the timeline A (their current timeline). There's no reason for me to believe otherwise.

Apart from the discovery of Lucifer's calling, the only thing that came out of the time loop was pain, suffering and probably a lot of loneliness. Even the good things that came out of the time loop (like Lucifer and Rory bonding) are a consequence of the pain that it caused. Of course, if they broke a time loop and created a completely new timeline, choices they would make there could theoretically end up having worse consequences on their lives. They could also be better, or they could be completely the same. The thing is, we don't know, we can only speculate and that is exactly what bothers me. The main characters made a major decision based on a speculation. I don't necessarily have a problem with the things that have happened, but rather with how they happened and how they were explained. Or better to say, how they weren't. I think that they should have completely dedicated the season to exploring this and reassuring us that this is the right choice to make and the right way to go.

Also, the concept of free will and making one's own choices has been pretty integral to the show. We have watched Lucifer struggle with the concept since the beginning of the show because he was convinced he is only a puppet in his father's grand plans. There were many events in the show reinforcing that belief, like Chloe being the gift from God. It took him seasons to accept that he chose to stay in her life, to be close to her, to be her partner in work as well as in life and in that acceptance he finally found the strength to tell her that he loves her. He chose her and she chose him. And while one can argue that leaving them and going back to hell was Lucifer's choice (since, technically, he could have chosen to break his word to his daughter and change things), it is one he didn't want to make. In the final episode he says that he desires to watch his daughter grow up and before he leaves for Hell he tells Chloe he doesn't want to leave her (she even responds that she doesn't want him to leave either, but that this is the choice that they are making for Rory's sake), making me feel like he is making this choice out of duty, out of fear and not because he wants to. He finally accepted that the choices he makes are his and his only, and the final choice in the show was made for him instead by him - I really don't think that the character deserved this. Lucifer gave Rory his word and we know he always goes by his word - they have turned one of the most essential qualities of his character into a plot device and an instrument that caused pain. Additionally, since Rory asked him not to change anything, it was implied that Lucifer can't come back to Earth in order not to risk changing anything even though it is completely possible for him to balance his work hours in Hell and his family time on Earth, like Amenadiel did. I also found this completely unfair and it felt like Lucifer was "banished" to Hell, not only missing out on being with Chloe and watching Rory grow up, but also staying away from his friends and the life he had built for himself. However, on the brighter side, Lucifer doing this - something he doesn't completely understand, something he doesn't want to do - is incredibly selfless of him and only shows how much he has grown. A character who has been described as selfish and self-serving from the very beginning does something so ultimately selfless, something that doesn't serve him in any way - quite the opposite, it pains him. As I said, I don't necessarily mind how things played out, I mind the lack of guarantee that they had to be this way. The only thing we don't know is if Lucifer and Chloe were in contact over the years since Chloe could have kept in touch with him behind Rory's back - maybe she sent him pictures of Rory, and maybe they exchanged letters. I am very doubtful because this would probably make the whole situation harder on them nor do I think that they would risk it because they wouldn't be able to know if their actions are breaking the time loop or if they are a part of the original timeline but hey, this is the stuff that fan fictions are made of!

And finally, I very much disliked the parallel between Lucifer and God - Lucifer abandoning his child for the sake of doing his job and that child growing up resenting him - if it was their intention to draw such a parallel. I think that God somewhat "redeemed" himself in Lucifer's eyes and that through accepting himself Lucifer also learned how to stop resenting his father for the things that transpired between them, and I don't necessarily believe that Lucifer had to walk in his father's shoes to understand him. So, in my opinion, this was completely unnecessary. Something I did like was Lucifer's calling - I think that it shows nicely the full circle he has made and that the souls he thought he is supposed to torture he is now helping heal. In a way, Hell is also the reflection of who Lucifer is - when he saw himself as broken, as evil, as unworthy and undeserving, Hell was also a place of torture - it was a reflection of him. And now that he accepted himself and that others have accepted him for who he is as well, it is a place of healing. In the end, Hell is his kingdom and he can choose to rule it the way he wants to. He broke his own hell loop and he truly became a lightbringer.

And, of course, Lucifer and Chloe (they are so soft and I am so soft for them). Taking into consideration my very bad OTP track reckord, I kinda expected a much, much worse ending for them - I mean, the Devil falling in love with a human, what could possibly go wrong, right? I knew from the very beginning that they aren't getting a pure, wholeseome, family-like ending. In order for that to happen, she would either have to become immortal (leaving Trixie, losing her detective identity), or he would have to become mortal - both of these scenarios feel cheap and I never would have wanted this for them or the show. Another option was to give them their happy life on Earth but then they would either have to leave a somewhat open ending or deal with the fact that ultimately, as a mortal, Chloe will die. And if they were given their happy ending on Earth, who knows if they would end up together in afterlife. Even if they did, it definitely wouldn't feel as emotional and as gratifying as it does now. The thing is, it is easy to give in to the pain of their separation when we measure it by the pivotal moments of happiness and loss that drive the lives of humans - him not being there when Rory was born or when she grew wings or when she started school - and it is even harder when you know how much she needed him and how much he wanted to be there for her. It is even more painful when you think about Chloe spending her entire lifetime without him, carrying all that pain inside of her, and him spending what had to be centuries alone in Hell. However, this is a fantasy show and many of our characters are immortal, celestial beings who have a different understanding of time, so maybe the idea of what a happy ending is and the rules for measuring happiness aren't the same as they would have been under other circumstances. Chloe became lieutenant and tried to make a difference, and she got to raise her daughters and see them grow up, and Lucifer helped so many souls heal, doing so much good. And now they get to spend the eternity together, solving crimes and kicking ass in the afterlife! Many of their friends and family are immortal, celestial beings too and (I am pretty sure) they can pay a visit to their human friends in Heaven... or see them in Hell, but let's hope not! In the end, what is one lifetime compared to eternity? Of course, none of this makes for the time they have lost, the momories they didn't get to make and the moments he wasn't there for, but now there are so many new memories they will get to make and so many moments to catch up on. It is bittersweet, but I think that's how it was supposed to be - in the end, pain is part of life.

I also have a few (dis)honourable mentions:

1. I am really sad and disappointed Lucifer didn't get to say goodbye to Trixie. She was gone for the majority of the season, but she was also a very important person in his life and he loved her. And we know how much she loved him.

2. I can't get over Rory travelling through time to kill her father because she is angry at him... sis, you kill him before he makes you, you wipe yourself out of existence.

3. I can't believe that they were surprised that Chloe got pregnant after having loads of superhuman sex (without any protection, apparently) after another human already got pregnant with an angel not that long ago.

4. Lucifer saying goodbye to Maze will forever remain one of the most beautiful scenes in the show.

5. The final major scene between Chloe and Lucifer, where they say goodbye before he leaves for hell, lives in my head rent free. I was choking on tears watching that scene, I literally had to pause and rewind three times. Such a beautiful(ly painful) scene. Also, when you have a ship and a person A says to the person B "close your eyes", pain is coming. I swear I travelled back to 1999 when Buffy said the same thing to Angel before sending him to a hell dimension.

6. When Chloe dies and goes to Heaven and Amenadiel greets her and asks her if she's ready to go home and then takes her to Lucifer was so pure. Her Heaven is being in Hell with Lucifer and there's something deeply poetic about that.

7. Hearing hello detective for the last time cleared my skin.

I have really and truly enjoyed the show, and the minor inconsistencies I see in its ending can't change that. I loved the show because it told stories about people and it allowed them to drive the narrative, and I can't say many shows these days do that.

#lucifer #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #deckerstar #trixie espinoza #rory morningstar #aurora morningstar #amenadiel #ella lopez #linda martin #mazikeen smith #text #rant #writing #reaction #review #tv review #lucifans #lucifer finale

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silhouetteofacedar · 3 years

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Fox Mulder, Closet Romantic Ch. 16: Quench

Previous Chapter - AO3 - MSR, rated E

“You know what amazes me,” Scully says as they walk along the waterfront. “That day we first met… I never would have guessed we’d end up like this. More than partners, more than friends.”

“I didn’t expect you to last three months with me,” Mulder admits, hands in his pockets. “Part of me wanted to drive you away, make you request reassignment.”

“And the other part of you?” she prompts, gently taking ahold of his wrist and drawing his hand out. She laces their fingers together, and their entwined hands swing between them as they walk. He likes it.

“I came to admire you,” he admits. “I read your thesis, for starters, but getting to know you personally was a transformative experience. I saw your strength, your dedication to your principles, your loyalty. I came to depend on your perspective; you were always matching me, challenging me.”

“I thought you hated that,” Scully points out.

“I definitely did on occasion,” he agrees. “But I needed it. I still do. I need your rationality and clarity and willingness to listen, even when you disagree with me. Especially when you disagree,” he amends.

“Respecting the journey,” Scully concurs.

“Exactly.” He glances down at her. “What did you think of me when we first met?”

“Hmm… I’d heard a lot about you, so that definitely colored my view in the beginning,” she says. “But walking into the basement office for the first time, I thought… well, for one, you were much more attractive than I was expecting,” she confesses. “I was actually a little awestruck; that is, until you started talking.”

“Why until I started talking?” he asks, voice amused and defensive in equal measure.

“You were really laying it on thick, playing up the ‘Spooky Mulder’ image. It seemed like you’d been alone down there for a little too long,” she says cheekily.

“I’d argue with you, Scully, but I think this time you’re actually right,” he concedes. He stops walking, gives her hand a gentle tug to guide her closer.

“Are you glad they sent me to spy on you?” she asks softly, taking his free hand into her other one.

He nods and leans down, dropping a soft kiss to her lips. “Best thing the Bureau’s ever done for me.”

“We should head back to the car,” Scully says. “My feet are starting to hurt.”

“It’s impressive, the things you manage to do in heels,” Mulder notes.

“You don’t know the half of it,” she says with a sly grin.

“Scully, please, be gentle with me,” he pleads. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hm,” Scully presses her lips together, stifling a smile. “I like when you beg.”

Jesus H Christ.

The drive back to Scully’s apartment is short, and before he knows it, he’s pulling over in front of her building, not ready to say goodnight.

Scully must sense this, because she turns to him with hopeful eyes. “Would you like to come in?” she asks. “I’ll make some tea.”

Mulder bites his lip, considering. “Are you inviting me up for a drink or are you ‘inviting me up for a drink’?” he asks.

She shrugs, smiling. “Only one way to find out,” she replies.

He has to at least walk her to her door, right? It’s the chivalrous thing to do. He might as well stay for tea…

Scully seems far more relaxed than she had at the start of the evening. She undoes the straps of her little heeled sandals and kicks them off by the door, tossing her bag and shawl onto the couch.

“What kind of tea would you like?” Scully asks, going into the kitchen and opening a cupboard.

“Uh... you have any black tea?” Mulder asks, sitting on the couch. He knows he should probably be more specific, but the majority of his tea experiences are iced and made by someone else, and he frankly doesn’t know what to ask for.

“Several, actually,” Scully answers, rearranging cartons in the cupboard. “I’m making an executive decision,” she announces, pulling out a box of Constant Comment. “Missy and I liked this one best.”

He watches her over the back of the couch as she starts the kettle, takes two mugs out of the cupboard, drops a teabag into each one. Her hair is a little mussed, and the hem of her dress is dragging on the floor without the added height of her heels. He decides that seeing her all put together at the beginning of the night is no match for watching her come undone at the end.

If only every night could be like this; them sitting on her squishy striped couch, cups of spicy tea in hand, talking about the profound and the mundane. Maybe, somehow, we can have this, he thinks. Pore over case notes on the sofa, kiss each other goodnight, wake up in each other’s arms.

He decides that Constant Comment is, in fact, a very good tea.

Cup empty, Scully sighs contentedly as she rests her head on his shoulder. “This is nice,” she says. “I wish we hadn’t waited so long to do this.”

“What, sit on your coach and drink tea?”

“Well, yes, but more than that. I meant just being together, without holding things back.”

“Maybe we weren’t ready,” Mulder muses. “We needed to grow into what we wanted and needed from each other. I know it took me a long time to figure it out, and even longer to get the courage to tell you.”

“Well, I suppose not knowing how I felt didn’t help; I was too subtle. I took what I considered a big swing in Florida,” she admits, “And when you didn’t respond I decided to back off.”

“A big swing? What are you talking about?” Mulder asks.

Scully covers her face with her hands. “It’s so embarrassing now,” she groans. “Remember when they tried to send us to that team-building conference? And I came to your room with wine and cheese?”

“Yes,” he says slowly. “Wait, was that a come-on?”

“Yes!” she exclaims. “I came in with this stupid plate of cheese and minibar wine, trying to… to telegraph that I was interested, and you just kept talking about culling techniques all the way out the door.”

“What were you hoping would happen?” Mulder asks.

“I don’t know,” Scully muses. “I was newly cancer-free, and we had just been through that whole ordeal together... I wanted to take a chance and see where it went. Maybe make out a little bit, at least? I’m not sure if... if I would have been ready for more, even if you expressed an interest. But I definitely wanted it.”

“I had no idea,” he says.

They sit silently for a moment.

“I don’t suppose... we should make up for lost time?” he suggests, looking down at her.

She licks her lips, and his eyes follow the movement of her tongue.

She tilts her chin up to him, and he places his hands on either side of her jaw. He leans in, their noses brushing as he tilts his head and presses his mouth to hers. She sighs into the kiss, bringing her hands to his shoulders.

Her lips are so soft and warm, faintly flavored with spices and orange rind from the tea, and he parts his lips reflexively. Hers follow, and the sensation of their mouths slotting together makes his head spin.

Suddenly he feels the slip of her tongue again his bottom lip and he’s in a free fall. They part with a gasp.

“Too much?” Scully asks.

“No, not at all,” Mulder says quickly. “Just surprised me. It was good,” he assures her.

“Good,” she replies, taking a deep breath. “Sorry… I feel like a clueless teenager,” she says with a huff of a laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever cared this much. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling out of my depth all of a sudden.”

“I’ve never cared this much for anybody either,” he admits. “But like you said. We’ll go slow.”

She licks her lips. “Okay,” she whispers.

He angles himself towards her, sliding a hand around the back of her neck to draw her closer. “Try again?” he whispers, lips brushing hers.

“Yes,” she breathes.

He’s been holding back from this for years, he realizes; all those times his eyes caught on her lips, watching her mouth shape his name. Occupying his tongue with sunflower seeds to distract himself from what he really wanted. Leaning close, furtively whispering, convincing himself that he really needed to be in her personal space. It was all an elaborate buildup for this moment.

He has a hand in her hair, the other tentatively resting on her waist. Emboldened by her previous eagerness, he opens his mouth, inviting her in with a soft lick. She responds by looping her arms around his neck, one leg hitched across his kneecap as their tongues meet.

They kiss like kites dancing on air, ribbons twisting and tangling in the wind, all silk and cotton and hot breath. He’s not sure if he pulled her onto his lap, or if she slid across his knees of her own volition; but she’s there now, her compact body bundled against his chest. She cards her fingers through his hair, sucking his lower lip, grazing his tongue with her teeth.

Mulder wants this so badly it aches. He might die if they stop, but something below the belt is bound to make itself known, and he needs to regain control before his body gets ahead of his mind.

“Scully,” he pants, pulling back. Her cheeks are flushed, lips swollen, and his hunger intensifies. “Scully, if we’re not going to take this further tonight we need to stop now.”

She nods, lips parted as she catches her breath. One strap of her dress has fallen down her shoulder, and he tenderly replaces it with the slip of a finger.

“Don’t touch me like that,” she whispers. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I know,” he confesses. “But… sometimes I want dangerous.”

“So do I,” she says. “But you were right. We should stop.” She slips off of his lap, standing. “It’s getting late,” she say, glancing at the clock. “I have mass in the morning.”

“I hope I gave you a few things to confess,” he says, rising.

“I may add some to the list myself,” she murmurs, and his knees threaten to give way.

“You’re going to get me in trouble,” he warns her, picking up his jacket and walking to the door. “The more you talk, the harder it is to leave.”

“Then my lips are sealed,” she says. “Goodnight, Mulder.” She opens the door for him, rising onto her tiptoes to receive one more kiss.

It’s brief, but sweet, and Mulder impulsively pulls her into a hug after their lips part. “Goodnight, Scully,” he mumbles into her hair.

He's ascended; gotten high on her lips, floating through the cosmos.

#my fic #msr #txf fic #xfiles #THEY MAKE OUT WOOOOOO #god there’s a lot of Mouth going on in this one #hope it’s not gross lol #fmcr #fox mulder closet romantic

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stinkysam · 3 years

Text

Kōtarō Bokuto - Things you need to know

Warning : end manga spoilers

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : some thoughts on our professional player.

Reader : male (he/him)

He is proud of the path he's had. Proud of how he evolved. Thinking back on how he used to play, he feels proud that he can focus on the game, the ball and both teams now.

Even if you cheers for another player, it'll rile him up to be even better, to show you he is your number one.

But that didn't mean he doesn't care about having your eyes on him. He loves knowing you're in the crowd, cheering for him.

Both arms loosely wrapped around you, asking you what you thought of the game once he's changed and left the building.

He's 200% going to talk about it while driving back home.

"Didja saw how I slammed it down on the second set- and how I caught it- and-" it's never ending.

He feels his heart swoon and melt into a puddle when you tell him he's the best player and how lucky you are to date such a sweetheart.

He likes to point at the crowd, dedicating the next hit to them, but very often he's pointing at you. He's not going to let you down. He wants the fans to be on fire, and for you to be its core.

He gets so proud when you wear a jersey with his number and name. Plus you look hella good and damn he's bursting with self confidence and love.

He loves to take pics of you two to post it on his social media. Holding your hands, kissing your cheeks or lips, hands, forehead, whatever, hugging you or while taking a bite of your sandwich, he doesn't care. He's happy and he wants to show it.

He likes to praise himself, saying he's the best boyfriend because he bought you this, invited you to eat there, gave you that, did this with you…

But he's also praising you a lot.

He's going to take pics and videos of you when you talk to share it, with that kind of caption "My boyfriend is the cutest!!!" or "Words of wisdom from ma man!!!! Turn da volume 🔊 up!!"

You're each other's best hype man.

He's sad when he has to stay longer at practice when you had something planned together. He quickly sends you a text to tell you he's going to be late.

But when he gets back home he gives you a bone crushing hug to apologize for it. He knows you ain't mad, your job takes you a lot of your time too.

He loves to squish your face against his when kissing. Big smooches.

When he's tired you can't get him to do anything. He wants to, though. But he can't get himself to get on his feet.

He waves at you as he's lazyly laying on the couch, asking you to get closer. He acts like he's sick, dying, come closer, he doesn't have the strength to speak, come, come…

As soon as you're bending down for him to speak in your ear, his hands grab you and pull you down, refusing to let you go.

It's cuddle time. No escape.

His muscled arms are around your head, keeping you against his chest as you talk about food you wants to try out.

Lazily watching sports channels. Any sports. Anything that has competition. Cooking shows ? He's into it.

Those made him want to try cooking but he's not that great. He follows the recipes, but he doesn't know if he can change something with another.

"They say to use White Whole Wheat flour. Is it what we have? Can I put ours instead? Where do we get that? Why is it different, what does it do?"

He's extremely curious. He knows many little things about a lot of things but it's random knowledge, yet he likes to share it with the whole world.

A lot of times he has to edit his Instagram posts because he realized he made a typo or got a detail wrong.

He goes brain dead when you play with his hair. When he's resting against you and you mindlessly touch his head.

But be careful to not mess his haircut. He won't care too much but still.

Way too often he slid his head between your shirt and your torso. That's warm. And close. Really close. And he can hear your heartbeat.

And tickle you. Or kiss you. Or just trace your skin. Or observe it. He likes to observe things really closely.

Also it's like he's trapped against you. Forever doomed to snuggle against you.

Sometimes to annoy you he'll even try to slip his legs in your pants.

He wanted to be glued, stuck with you as close as possible. Never escaping the clothes prison ever.

He loves you a lot and everyone knows it. Because it's obvious. And because he talks about you a lot. When it's not about volleyball.

He's the type to play extra hard when you can't leave your work so he can say he tried to summon you with his amazing awesomeness.

But he always play extra hard anyway.

#Male reader #Haikyuu #Haikyuu x male reader #Kotaro Bokuto #Kotaro Bokuto x male reader #m!reader

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

Text

Alright, on to chapter 126 of AoT!

I’ve been waiting to get to this chapter and talk about it a bit!

It’s, in a lot of ways, kind of the climax of the development we’ve seen between Levi’s and Hange’s character’s since the start of the time skip, and really since Hange took over as Commander of the SC.

One thing I want to talk about is Hange’s reaction at the start of the chapter, after they shoot that one soldier dead. They’re crying, and while obviously this is in part because of the pain of having to turn against one of their own, the pain of having to choose, and pick one life over the other, this being Levi’s life over the soldiers pursuing them, when I first read this chapter some months back, my initial impression was that Hange was crying, also, because of the tragedy of the entire situation, in which both they and Levi, two veteran members of the SC, who had dedicated everything they had, from the beginning, to the salvation of humanity, were now being hunted by the very people they’d tried so hard to protect. It’s an incredibly powerful image of Hange, their expression one of hardened determination, while a tear slides down their cheek, and it’s the next two panels, Hange going back to Levi, and telling him “There’s no one after us now. Levi...” which really gave me the impression that their tears were for him too, for the helpless, vulnerable state Levi is in, for him being at deaths door, for the tragedy of their being betrayed by their own people, and how it’s led to this. It strikes me as particularly heartbreaking, that Levi and Hange both were the most dedicated and selfless of soldiers for the Survey Corps, the two that in many ways most embodied the ideals of that group, to fight for and protect humanity, no matter the sacrifice to themselves. Levi especially never expressed or conveyed any desire for himself, not even something as simple as curiosity, but fought only for the hope of one day giving humanity back it’s freedom. I think Hange’s tears are shed here because of that, because they have to look at Levi like this now, broken, almost dead, ravaged and betrayed by the very people he fought and risked his life for again and again and again, unable to fight back as those same people now come to kill him. That Hange had to kill two of those very people in order to protect Levi’s life is what, I think, is so tragic to them, what brings them to tears.

Hange’s entire dialog in the forest, when they think Levi is unconscious still, reveals a lot too, I think. They talk about how they’ll be on the run for the rest of their lives in the Yaegerist’s take control of the island, how they’ve now become “enemies of the state”, and that reflects, again, the tragedy I think Hange feels over their situation. How it’s them specifically, them and Levi, who are now being hunted, all their previous contributions and dedication to humanity’s cause forgotten and thrown in the trash. It’s reflected too in how we see the Yaegerist’s take up the chant of “Dedicate your hearts” twisting it to fit their own, deluded views and beliefs, perverting it until it loses all of his previous meaning. “Dedicate your hearts” was what the members of the Survery Corps cried out in service to humanity, in service to humanity’s survival, it’s hope and freedom. And now, the Yaegerist’s are using it as a cry for the destruction of humanity, for the eradication of everyone but themselves. What Levi and Hange both fought for in their military service was to save humanity, they both represented that ideal in pureness and conviction, never wavering or straying from it, and so the Yaegerist’s specific persecution of them really highlights just how corrupted and perverted their own driving philosophy is. That they wish to destroy the two soldiers who most encompassed in themselves the genuine ideal of the Survey Corps, the salvation of humanity, the desire to make a better world, a better future, a hopeful future, for the most people possible. The Yeagerist’s want to stamp that out, and Levi and Hange are like the last, real bastions of that ideal in living, tangible form.

I think that’s only emphasized in how neither Hange nor Levi ever consider for even a moment the possibility of giving up and letting Eren have his way. Every other member of the SC, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, at some point, contemplated and even for a brief moment, accepted, that there was nothing they could do, and were going to stay on the island and just let the Rumbling happen. They give up, even if only for a moment, and try to logically excuse that decision. But Levi asks Hange in that forest, “If we keep running and hiding, what will that get us?”, and reminds Hange that he knows them too well to buy that they were ever genuinely thinking of staying there and doing nothing. It isn’t an option, for either of them. Inaction has never been something either of them could abide. Levi specifically was drawn to Erwin because of his refusal to do nothing, to have the guts to make a decision, no matter the outcome, and Levi himself has always strived to act, to do the same and make a choice, and to commit to that choice fully, and accept the consequences. So neither of them were ever going to give up, were ever going to just sit there and let the Rumbling happen. Both Levi and Hange really affirm beyond doubt in this moment how deeply they embody the ideals and goals of the Survey Corps, to dedicate your heart, body and soul, for the sake of humanity. To sacrifice your own hopes and dreams, even your very life, for that ideal. It’s never even a question for them. And them being the last two surviving members of the SC veterans, it only feels appropriate. They were there before everything changed, when it really was just a pure and simple attempt to defeat the Titans and win humanity back their freedom, and there they remain, even after everything has changed, the circumstances, the stakes, the enemy, still fighting for that same goal, to save humanity.

I also just want to point out the look of total despair on Levi’s face when Hange asks him what happened with Zeke, and later on in the chapter, when they’re talking to Pieck and Magath. I think Levi is burdened by a deep sense of regret here, which is something he always tries his best not to be, and it’s because he allowed Zeke to escape, which led to him making contact with Eren and setting this entire disaster off. Levi chastises himself, saying “I screwed up. I wasn’t able to figure out if he was truly ready to die... I let him get away again.”. I think Levi is blaming himself for what’s happening, even though it’s really not his fault, it’s Zeke’s and Eren’s. But Levi’s almost obsession with making choices without regret is born from, I think, a deep struggle to hold to that philosophy. He tries so hard to believe in it, to live it, But I think Levi struggles with believing in it, with making a firm and unyielding choice, and pushing past whatever the consequences are to keep moving forward. He’s someone who’s experienced so much pain and loss in his life, and because of that, because of those experiences and that grief, just over and over again having everything he’s ever loved and cared for ripped away from him, its made it only more of a struggle for him to carry on and not regret. For all of Levi’s seemingly stoic, harsh exterior, it’s plain, I think, that inside, he’s in actuality the most deeply feeling, sensitive and compassionate character in SnK, and the most deeply affected character when it comes to the suffering and pain of others. He understands it, and empathizes with it, more than anyone. In some ways, Levi strikes me as almost brittle inside, so easily hurt, so easily moved to compassion and understanding. He has a terribly soft and vulnerable heart. It’s why he’s so non-judgmental, too, I think, when he sees someone else struggling with their own choices, why he refuses to ever try and force others to agree with him, or convince them that he’s right and they’re wrong. Why he tries, in his awkward but kind way, to comfort them. Why he says again and again that he doesn’t know what is or isn’t the right choice. Because he knows how hard it is. Because for Levi, despite refusing inaction, and despite striving to always act and not regret his choices, he still has to live with and carry the weight of those actions consequences, the outcomes of his decisions, and he isn’t ever able to divorce himself from that, from the feelings of pain and sadness and heartbreak that comes with each loss, each defeat, each failure. He feels too much, and too deeply, and he’ll always struggle to continue on, even as he refuses not to, even as he dedicates himself to it. It’s precisely BECAUSE it’s hard for Levi to not regret, to keep fighting and acting, and push through his pain, that makes him so heroic. He never succumbs to what I think are obviously real, probably at times overwhelming feelings of depression and despair. He always keeps fighting, even as he’s drowning. I think Levi is drowning all throughout this final arc, the waves of his sadness and struggle against feelings of hopelessness always threatening to drag him under. But he never lets them. He never stops swimming, never stops pushing towards the shore. And that’s Levi’s true strength. That refusal to give up, even when he’s filled with despair and regret.

One last thing. I’ve never seen anyone else mention how Levi saved himself from dying when Zeke detonated the thunder spear by shielding himself with his own blade. Levi tucked himself up against it and braced for the impact of the explosion. If he hadn’t thought and acted quickly enough to do that, he probably would have died. Well, just another example of Levi’s refusal to give in to hopelessness. Anyone else probably would have.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #Levi Ackerman #hange zöe #snk 126 #meta #thoughts

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my-writings-and-musings · 4 years

Note

loving the angst!! can we get cygate for the oxygen loss prompt?

Absolutely! I think I'll just start doing one character or couple per ask for this one, because I always make it so long and drawn out! As usual, links to previous posts for this prompt are below!

Part One: Here!

Part Two: Here!

Part Three: Here!

Part Four: You're Here!

Part Five: Here!

Part Six: Here!

Part Seven: Here!

Part Eight: Here!

Part Nine: Here!

Part Ten: Here!

Part Eleven: Here!

Part Twelve: Here!

Cygate

(Cyclonus/Tailgate/Reader)

·As the three of you have become inseparable, you're once again spending the day together in your shared quarters, in a basket style cuddle position that has the massive Cyclonus lying half on his side, the smaller Tailgate cradled in a mirror position, and teeny you in the little basket shaped space between them. From the berth it's a perfect way to watch something on the monitor together, or to just spend a lazy afternoon napping and talking, or to simply enjoy each other's company. You would suppose that's probably why it's a favorite activity for the three of you, but you don't care to do much thinking from your safe and secure spot between the two bots you love more than anything.

·You were all on the verge of drifting off when the lights unexpectedly flicker, a not too worrisome sight, that is until a number of other things start to glitch and go offline. With communications amongst the downed systems, there's no way to find out what's going on from where you are, so to the disappointment of everyone involved you all three decide you'll have to do some investigating. Tailgate hugs you tight before preparing to do just that, playfully saying he wants just a few more minutes to cuddle, nuzzling his helm against your head as he buzzes sleepily. How can he resist? You're so soft!

·Thankfully both he and Cyclonus have developed some quick reflexes, as the sudden rumble that shakes the ship nearly sends all three of you to the floor, and between Tailgate's secure hold on you whilst Cyclonus stabilizes you both you're saved from falling and/or being squished. There's little time to celebrate though. Cyclonus recognizes the signs of an enemy ambush, and Tailgate quickly puts together the system glitches as being related, meaning that you're all facing some serious trouble. Particularly the very squishy you.

·Cyclonus is armed in seconds, his demeanor one of focused contemplation as he tries to strategize despite a total lack of reconnaissance. Tailgate, still holding you, jumps in with confirmation that you have to be taken somewhere safe! The two of them will have to aid the defense, but you can't be left alone, so they'll need to find somewhere secure and guarded by lots of bots. Thankfully Cyclonus has an immediate solution; the medical bay. It has guards assigned to it in the event of an occasion like this, it's certainly fortified, and you'll be more than safe while they hold off enemy combatants.

·You never want to be left behind, but you concede that it's the logical choice, especially because you know Tailgate will refuse to hear any arguments against it. With your plan settled on, a path is decided next to save as much time as possible. Tailgate begins to buzz with worry as Cyclonus lays out the many potential ambush sites and choke points they need to avoid. Though he's the one holding you protectively, you give the minibot a gentle pat on his Autobrand, knowing very little of his anxiety is for his own wellbeing. The buzz of worry is starting to make your hair go static though...

·Cyclonus breaks his resolute guardian persona for a single instant once the path is decided upon, dropping to one knee so he can be closer to both of his much tinier partners. He looks to Tailgate and then you, reaching out with a clawed hand to gently cup your tiny face with a precision he's honed well these past few months. There's a single moment where all three of you seem to make the same wordless vow; I won't let anything happen to you. You're briefly hugged between the two of them to drive the point home, and when they part you see that between those two red optics and a bright blue visor there's enough dedication to make you certain they'd take on a Titan for you.

·You can't help but feed off their on edge energy when your room is left behind, though you have plenty of your own anxiety to keep you company. Nothing is responding, not even comms, so you're all running totally blind beyond what's right in front of you. There could be a full battalion of soldiers barreling your way, and you wouldn't know... Only being with the two bots you love more than anything keeps you calm. Tailgate isn't holding you especially tight, but there's an unrestrained kind of daring in his visor as it scans the hallways, like he's challenging anyone to just try and get to you. Cyclonus is similiarly inclined, but in his own way, the occasional glance of his optics in your direction so subtle each incidence could be mistaken for a trick of the light.

·It shouldn't have surprised you when there was trouble before the three of you had even passed the station of terminals about a third of the way to your goal. In fairness, they'd emerged from a hallway looking almost shocked to see a towering Cyclonus and a tiny Tailgate cradling you, so the group of hostile aliens obviously hadn't been expecting any resistance in this area either. You hadn't needed to prepare any defense of your own once their bullets started flying, as you'd been expertly tucked behind a corner by the minibot just as a greatsword had started lopping off limbs. With an emphatic "please stay!!" in your direction, Tailgate is right in the fray with his hubby.

·It's hard to think of danger while watching these two tear it to shreds. Their enemies are massive, hulking aliens armed for an invasion but they don't stand a chance against your partners, both of whom fight as if these brutes threatened you directly, which they likely would have if given the chance. Between the great arcs of a deadly blade and the powerful blows of two blurry fists, you can't help but be confident this won't be that long of a delay... You're a little giddy but not all too concerned about it when the universe decides to call you to task, something it seems to enjoy doing in moments set up for great irony.

·The alien that appeared so suddenly beside you could have killed you with its lazy swipe, but thankfully you're only sent sprawling in the hallway, your survival instincts kicking into overdrive once they realize the situation. You're overwhelmed by the urge to run, but your legs become more of a hindrance to this end than an aid. They're like sticks of lead beneath your teetering body, and you find yourself taking great gasps of air just to keep moving, unable to make yourself flee or feel as concerned about that fact as you should be. Something like a growl and a taunting chuckle comes just as the shadow you're certain will crush you comes barreling downwards.

·Death doesn't come. Not for you, anyway. There's a blur of purple and then you're just able to make out Cyclonus grappling with an equally titanic lifeform, the latter of whom struggles especially savagely, likely because they've been impaled on the former's horns and are certainly not about to be set free. Cyclonus is making the most of that fact, twisting and tearing with raw strength to punish his enemy for his transgressions against his tiny partner. Tailgate is right behind him, helping to ensure the little body he watched go tumbling is alright before moving you a safe distance with words of comfort. He doesn't wait for a reply before turning on the spot and hurling himself into the fray. Tiny fists deliver superpowered punches on his helpless target, and in his defensive rage he can't help but shout at the colossal bully for picking on someone so absolutely harmless to him, but he and Cyclonus leave little chance for a rebuttal.

·There's not much left of your attacker by the time you finally manage to get your legs beneath your body, save for the not insignificant bruises they gave you. Said injury hardly explains why you're incapacitated to this extent though; you're dizzy, shaking, out of breath, and your entire body feels heavy as could be. Before you can question the issue further, you're scooped up into frantic arms, your whole world turning blue and white with shades of purple as you're embraced with a high pitched exclamation of relief. Only your lack of enthusiasm gets the little mech to stop, and as you take hold of your spinning head the two faces looking down on you twist with worry.

·Cyclonus acts first, hurrying to the few still operating terminals and trying to see if he can get a systems report up, hoping that any kind of additional information might assist them. Just knowing where more enemies are could make sure you receive obviously critical medical attention sooner. Tailgate tries to get you talking; did that alien hurt you? If so, what hurts and where and how can they help? You try to answer, but it's getting rather difficult to take this seriously, especially while you're so carefully and securely cradled. Not even a small sound of concern from Cyclonus of all bots can get you to wake up completely.

·The next thing you know everything is in motion again. There's an explanation about atmospheric generators being offline and air being dumped from the ship, and a bit of panic regarding the speed at which oxygen concentration is dropping, then something about the medical bay having a storage of elemental oxygen... Truthfully, it's a little hard to follow with everything else going on. You can't help but be a little thankful though, how many people had two loving partners ready to tear aliens apart in their defense? It had taken so much for them to come together, and in addition to that miracle, they'd welcomed you into their sparks for the happiest days of your life... you couldn't believe your fortune sometimes.

·Tailgate is the one you can see most clearly for a time, his visor bright with panic and fear in a way you don't think you've seen before. There's very little time to think on it when suddenly he's being carried too, and you see Cyclonus come into view as he runs down the halls with Tailgate in his arms and you in his, the giant bot moving with such speed that you can feel air whistling past to stir your hair. It would have felt nice if not for the tears beginning to leak from your smaller partner's visor, and as you notice those you also begin to hear his faint encouragement for you to stay awake, his gentle voice breaking as obvious worry tears at his spark.

·Above all else you want to reassure him that you are awake! Seeing him upset just breaks your heart, so despite everything you're obviously willing to try, and that feeling doubles when you spare Cyclonus a glance and see fear in his optics. The sight makes little sense to you, especially with his bloodied horns making it clear that he shouldn't fear anything. Still, you try to stay awake for them both, but it's the hardest thing you've ever done. Between the bruise on your side and the creeping exhaustion you want nothing more than to sleep. Only the buzzing of a panicking minibot keeps you from slipping away now, but as the need grows you doubt it will be sufficient for long.

·A gentle servo cups your cheek to keep you looking upwards, and you grasp it on reflex. A warm and painless darkness is closing in on all sides, and you know sooner or later it will overpower you. All you can do is try to convey how sorry you are to those two worried faces you love so much, even if you don't really understand why you need to stay awake still. You never want to let them down. They're your everything, and you theirs, which is what makes you feel so guilty when your eyes finally close.

·Tailgate is on the verge of a panic attack when the little form he's cradling goes limp in his arms. He can still see breathing, but it's haggard and uneven, and he knows that's bad. All he can do is hold them tighter and pray as Cyclonus crosses the ship in what has to be record time, and though he says nothing the large mech is similiarly fraught with dread, his spark threatening to burn at the grief looming over him. He fought so hard to be with Tailgate, then the universe blessed them with you... would they truly be forced to suffer this loss together, so soon after receiving?

·The bots in the medical bay clear out fast when they see who's inbound, but thankfully the medics are quick even in the midst of a host of injuries, though the lack of communication has made everything chaotic to say the least. All they need to hear is "oxygen" and they're moving, commanding you to be laid on a berth while the necessary components are fetched, and the two fraught mechs are laying you down as commanded. Somehow the sight of you laying unconscious in the medical bay strikes both mechs in the spark, as if your little body on the gigantic slab just seems wrong. Cyclonus only holds his softly weeping partner as you're stabilized, and neither is much motivated to leave even when the battle is declared victorious, their intertwined fingers staying firmly together as they keep watch.

·You awaken to a gentle digit stroking your face, and just as you open your eyes there's movement and a familiar shade of blue fills your vision. Tears of relief from Tailgate patter against the medical bay in your private room, and so much comes flooding back when you realize there's an oxygen mask attached to your face, and that you're still more than a little sore. Cyclonus is softly asking if there's anything you need whilst Tailgate fusses over your blankets, and when you start to fully awaken you realize their residual fear is still holding on. Guiding their hands to you, it's hard not to shed a tear as you hear weak whispers of confessed fear, with both expressing the pain almost losing you made them face. You can only thank them for what they've done, and this spurs them both to reassure you it was worth every moment of struggle, just as love has always been. This odd but wonderful love the three of you share is proof of that every single day.

#transformers #more than meets the eye #mtmte #idw #lost light #maccadam #transformers headcanon #my writing #my asks #requests #anon #cygate #cyclonus #tailgate #cygate x reader #cyclonus x reader #tailgate x reader #human reader #self insert

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