If you think about it, the eras of PB’s obsessions form a pretty linear timeline of a shitty relationship. Hear me out: first came the barrage of wedding books, then it was the pregnancies and parenthood, but now they’re tired of the picturesque shit so we’re on to the affairs and homewrecking. At this rate we’ll be playing divorcees or widowers by next year.

A Review of Loki (2021)

[The following is an exact transcription of Twitter user @/diolesbian ‘s thread linked here . They gave me permission to cross-post their thread on my Tumblr. Keep in mind that this review is fairly long and quite critical of the series. I agree with this review wholeheartedly, and would be welcome to discuss it with anyone else.] 

Loki is a character who has died many times, but his own series may be his most brutal character assassination yet.

1.  Loki’s role in the series. Instead of tackling Loki's most villainous state of mind in Avengers 1, the series literally speedran through his development in the subsequent films, after which they almost entirely halted his character progression.

Because this series was set right after Avengers 1 it had the responsibility of developing Loki further in place of The Dark World and Ragnarok. In Episode 1, this development was kicked off by having Loki watch a reel of some of his defining moments in the MCU, allowing him to see his future all the way up to his death in Infinity War. Sadly, this scene ended up being the most development he received in the entire series. And arguably, this isn’t even true development but more like a speedrun of his character up until that point, serving as a simple tactic to explain why he wouldn’t be acting all dictatorial and murderous during his own series. As soon as he had been made “good” (read: docile) enough to follow along with the plot, his agency was completely thrown out. From that point on, the series wasn’t about Loki making things happen but about things happening to Loki.

Loki was supposed to be the main character, but he wasn't the protagonist in this story. In fact, he was more of a side character than we’ve ever seen him be in the MCU before, perhaps excepting IW and Endgame.

A protagonist is by definition someone whose important decisions affect the plot, whose development is followed most closely by the audience, and who is opposed by an antagonist. Loki exhibited none of these traits in this series. Especially the latter half of the story, he was reduced to simply reacting to the revelations around him, such as the reveal that the TVA members were all variants and that Kang was the true mastermind behind everything. He never truly involved himself or acted based on any of these plot points, and hardly played a key role in what was supposed to be his own story. Even in the films, where Loki is a side character, he makes choices which impact the plot to a larger extent. He almost seems more like a background character in the role of protagonist than in the parts he plays in the films.

2. The antagonist. The TVA could have worked as the perfect setting for Loki to have a new arc. It’s a thematic antithesis to who we know Loki to be. But when this Loki turns out to not be who the audience thought he was the TVA’s thematic significance falls apart as well.

In Episode 1, the TVA’s Agent Mobius enlists the help of Loki the Variant to pin down a greater foe who we are told is another, more malicious version of Loki. Order and chaos meeting in the middle, teaming up to take down an enemy, who even happens to be the protagonists’ literal evil self: that works, it sounds promising. But this dynamic is soon undermined when Loki leaves with Sylvie. Still, the benefit of the doubt is easy to grant here: a story about tricksters is bound to contain twists. But by Episode 3 the series is halfway done and the TVA has been appointed as the main antagonist again: we’ve now established villains three different times. And then the Cloud Monster At The End Of Time is introduced, and finally Kang. In other words, the Loki series has no consistent antagonist, no one to pit its main character against. And this is where we once again miss out on an enormous aspect of Loki’s potential characterization.

Protagonists are always defined by an antagonist, whether a purple Titan, a flat tire, or themself. Loki is not given anything to define his morals, motivations, or development in opposition to and this is a huge oversight. Especially given the fact that Loki has taken on the villain’s role in the past: how is the audience supposed to know that the “bad guy” is now a “good guy” if there’s no “even worse guy” to stand up against?

3. The plot. A plot should show off its MC’s strengths and match their personality. The Loki plot hardly relied on his presence at all, he didn't play a key role. The story had so little to do with Loki that it seemed as though he has barely any impact on “his” narrative.

One of the most central conflicts in the Loki series doesn’t involve him at all: it’s between Sylvie and the TVA. This plotline was a good concept overall, but its main problem is that it’s practically the only conflict in the series. Loki himself, as mentioned before, isn’t set in opposition to anything or anyone. And thanks to his relationships with Sylvie and Mobius being weakened by conflicting storytelling devices, he appears to be in a bubble by himself away from the rest of the cast for much of the story. First he follows Mobius around, then Sylvie, then he wanders aimlessly in the void before following Sylvie once again and learning that Kang is a Really Bad Guy who he should be opposed to even though by this point he has interacted so little with the story unfolding around him that the audience doesn’t even understand why he should be choosing to play the hero.

The plot and the characters both suffer by being so incredibly unrelated to each other. A series, especially an MCU one, should tell an overarching narrative through the perspective of its main character.

In the beginning of the series, when Loki was still getting his bearings in the TVA, this lack of decision-making was more understandable, especially since some of his skills were still being shown-- he discovered Sylvie was hiding in nexus events, and he made the choice to leave Mobius and follow her. But by the latter half of the series he still hasn’t had much impact on the story or taken any actions of his own, and simply allows plot points to happen to him. Just because the Loki series had to introduce the TVA and Kang didn’t mean it had to forgo telling a story about its protagonist. If Loki’s story had been intrinsically tied to the overarching plot points, if his choices had been some of the primary factors determining how events ended up taking place, the series would have succeeded in every aspect. But instead Loki is pushed aside by the plot of his own series, a plot which subsequently ends up coming across as largely hollow and pointless due to its lack of character drive.

4. Loki’s arc. One of the main reasons MCU Loki is loved is for his excellent character development across his films. TVA Loki was extremely lacking in that aspect and chances to take his character in interesting new self-aware directions were thrown away without much thought.

Throughout the MCU, Loki is on a journey with many highs and lows. He goes from a bitter and disheartened prince standing in the shadow of his brother, to a self-loathing Jotun bent on destroying his own people in a desperate attempt to win his father’s love, to a half-mad partially mind-controlled dictator with delusions of grandeur fueled by his own insecurity, to a prisoner wondering what there is left for him to lose, to a savior of Asgard’s people finally coming to accept his place in what is left of his family, to a tragic sacrificial victim who knew he had to die so the true hero might live on. That’s a hell of a journey, incidentally shown in less than TWO HOURS of screen time, and the prospect of TVA Loki embarking on an equally stimulating one, this time told over the course of over four hours and shown from his own perspective the entire way through, was exciting. But as it turned out, this relatively simple expectation went completely unmet.

For a story trying to say so much about individuality and self-acceptance, the Loki series seemed to pass by every obvious opportunity to tackle those questions.

Sylvie’s introduction seemed like a good idea at first: Loki would be able to literally bond with himself and learn to accept who he is that way, and forays could be made to explore what Loki’s personality could have been like if he grew up under different circumstances! But aside from a scene or two in Episode 3, this was not how things ended up going. Loki didn’t come to any grand or important conclusions about his identity, he didn’t choose to act differently, all that happened was a vaguely-worded confession of pseudo-romantic feelings which was cut off in the middle, made no sense, and weakened the narrative in a whole host of other ways explained elsewhere. Loki’s encounter with other versions of themself in the Void was similarly meaningless: Loki didn’t end up expressing or demonstrating a single thing he learned from meeting all of those alternate selves, despite the fact that there was potential for massive self-discovery there.

Less than 2 hours of MCU screen time portrayed Loki more coherently than this entire series. Loki is loved because of how much he changes, and it felt like he didn’t in this series. He started off lost and stayed that way throughout the entire plot.

By the end of the series, it was impossible to identify who Loki had become. He said he didn’t want a throne, but it was not obvious why not. He looked sad to be betrayed by Sylvie, but never expressed what that meant to him. He seemed afraid once Kang was unleashed, but why? Why did he care about the Sacred Timeline? What were his motivations? Throughout the series the answers to these questions became less and less obvious, culminating in the final episode which ended without a single moment of reflection or explanation as to who Loki had become. He wasn’t a villain, but only because he wasn’t murdering people. He was in some capacity a hero, for… being against Kang, probably, but once again with no explanation as to why Loki had decided to feel that way. He never seemed self-assured in his heroism, as if he hadn’t chosen the role for himself. Again, making one’s own choices that shape the narrative are what differentiates a protagonist from a side character, but Loki did not do that in this series.

5. Loki and Sylvie’s relationship. Loki and Sylvie had the potential to be a powerful duo representing the process of self-acceptance but instead they were reduced to a strange pseudo-romance.

Despite Loki’s many developments in the films, he never truly liked himself. He has been known to act extremely confident and self-righteous at times, but this is merely the opposite side of the coin containing his self-loathing and insecurity. Having him literally meet and subsequently befriend himself in Episode 3 was a move towards developing this aspect of him and potentially teaching him to finally accept himself as he truly is, but this buildup was all shattered in Episode 4 when the relationship is portrayed to have romantic undertones. Instead of a powerful struggle to accept oneself, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie becomes a twisted thing which is memeable at best (selfcest LOL amirite?) and outright damaging to both characters and the very concept of loving oneself at worst.

Ultimately, Loki and Sylvie's relationship didn’t add anything to either character’s development and actively detracted from what could have been a touching story.

Romantic love is extremely different from self love; romantic love has connotations including dating conventions and sexuality which are impossible to ignore and in this case serve as a distraction. And on top of ruining a potentially powerful storyline, this strange relationship makes both Loki and Sylvie seem out of character. Loki is once again one thousand years old and he has never even had a true friend, so why would he possibly fall for someone after knowing them for only two days? Meanwhile in Sylvie’s case, Loki’s “feelings” for her cause the audience to pay more attention to her romantic life and gestures rather than her actual character and motivations.

6. Loki’s Sexuality and Gender Fluidity. Loki’s sexuality and gender has been shown in several comic runs, and the series was advertised as featuring this representation as well. But due to several fundamental errors and problematic storytelling this also fell flat.

Sylvie’s introduction filled many fans with hope regarding the portrayal of Loki’s identity. In the MCU neither of their LGBT identities had ever been touched upon, while the series introduced a female variant of Loki and explicitly stated their sexuality. But this portrayal soon unraveled, most notably in Episode 5, in which many other Loki variants were shown but not a single one besides Sylvie was non-male. On top of that, when TVA Loki mentioned Sylvie and referred to her as “a woman Variant of us”, the other Lokis agreed that that sounded “terrifying”. Why should a genderfluid being be afraid of a version of themselves presenting as a different gender? It read as both fluidphobic not to mention strangely sexist.

The pseudo-romance between Loki and Sylvie only aggravated the situation. Not only did the nature of the “relationship” seem to follow heteronormative storytelling tropes (falling in love after a couple days of knowing each other, one party being reduced to a love interest, valuing romantic love above any other type, etc) but it also seemed distressing and offensive to many genderfluid people. A romance between a male and a female Loki, one of which doesn’t even call herself by that name, seems to be implying that an individual becomes someone else when merely presenting as a different gender, which of course isn’t at all the case. The writing wasn’t necessarily malicious here, but it was certainly ignorant and potentially even harmful. The opportunity was there to translate Loki’s powerful comic representation into the framework of the MCU, but this attempt did not succeed.

7. Loki’s characterization. Loki is a chameleon, but there are certain traits fundamental to his character. These traits were either ignored or actively mocked in the series. The audience already knew “what makes a Loki a Loki", but the series threw that knowledge away.

Episode 1’s premise of stripping Loki of everything he is used to was an intriguing setup to ensure the discovery of the core of who Loki truly is. The only problem was that this truth didn’t end up being found at all. Mobius made fun of Loki’s most defining traits, such as his habits of lying to manipulate people and acting out of a place of insecurity, which seemed to be a signal for the narrative to forbid Loki from exhibiting any of those traits from that point on in any way. This reduction in Loki’s character was reflected in everything, from his lack of humor (in the films he’s even funny while he’s taking over the world!), the underpowered way in which he fought against Sylvie (he’ll use magic to dry his clothes, but fight with a damn vacuum cleaner?) to the way that he wore the same boring outfit in every single episode-- it may sound shallow, but clothes are important when presenting a character. Every one of Loki’s looks in the films said something about him and his state of mind, and sadly that bland TVA outfit seemed to convey that Loki really was nothing more than a subservient pawn in what was supposed to be his own story. Ironically, the writing stripped Loki of everything that made him Loki, and left us with nothing but a Jotun-shaped void to be swayed by the whims and wills of the characters and plot devices surrounding him.

8. Loki’s past and abilities. This series could have elaborated on aspects of his character which had been teased at in the films and theorized about by fans, but ended up being a disappointment in this aspect as well.

Aside from Loki’s characterization and development, something else the series ignores is much of his canon story in the films. Since Thor 1, a truth that always overshadowed Loki was his Jotun heritage. He struggled with it up until the time of his death, clearly visible in his relationship with his foster family. It’s understandable that Loki was supposed to be independent from Thor in his series, but that’s no excuse for completely ignoring this central part of who Loki is. It doesn’t matter how much he goes through or how much his circumstances change, this feeling of unbelonging sits deep in Loki’s core and should have been both explored and explicitly discussed in the series. A series all about Loki was the perfect opportunity for him to finally confront and explain his relationship with his heritage, and potentially come to terms with it as well. And this isn’t even to say how cool some more insight on Loki’s Jotun inheritance could have been-- hypotheticals aren’t the point of this review, but it would have been fascinating to see Loki reacting adversely to heat like he has been hinted to in the past or even using his ice powers like he did in Thor 1.

Loki's magic was tragically underused. It felt like he was stripped of all of his magical powers even after his TVA chains had been removed, and this was never explained.

A second huge oversight is his magic. His powers are all over the place in this series. They were always a bit vague in the films, but this series was the opportunity to set that right and explain exactly what Loki was capable of as a sorcerer, especially now that the MCU has embraced magic more than it had ten years ago. But instead, Loki showcased an inexplicable lack of magic use-- again, the vacuum cleaner fight can be presented as evidence. There is a single scene in which Loki says that he learned his magic from Frigga, but no information is given as to how much he learned or why he doesn’t always favor spells. His power levels are incredibly inconsistent (he forgoes using magic when first confronted by the TVA, but is later shown using telekinesis to save himself from being literally crushed to death). And, strangest of all, there is a scene in which he tells Sylvie that he “can’t” enchant living beings. Loki, the millennium year old Trickster sorcerer god, who can hold an Infinity Stone with his bare hands, reanimate Surtur in the Eternal Flame, and trick the average person using illusions with ease, can’t cast a little enchantment? And if so, why not? The series offered precious few explanations concerning Loki’s magical abilities and instead only raised more questions. And in this way, Loki is once again relegated into the background and left with not a single shred of any new characterization or development. 

Loki contains multitudes, but the series reduced him to two dimensions.

This isn’t to mention every other facet of Loki’s story that could have potentially been explored to great success in this series-- his torture and subsequent partial mental influence at the hands of Thanos just before the events of Avengers 1 is one obvious example, as is his youth on Asgard, as are his suicidal tendencies (people don’t tend to survive falling off the Bifrost, and he knew that when he threw himself off of it), plus infinite other facets of him. Of course, it was both necessary and more interesting for this series to be its own story rather than one which lingered on past films-- but that’s not to say that none of these plot points should have come back, at least subtly, to play a role in this story. Plot points exist to be brought back later, not completely ignored. Otherwise a story may as well be written about a completely original character.

Okay so I’m past part one of FMA Brotherhood and a few episodes into part two. When does this series actually get good? It feels like it has moderate potential but the pace is so all over the place and thus far I’m not really compelled by almost any of the plot beats. The base mysteries are intriguing but everything around it feels so off, and virtually none of the characters interest me.

As far as plot goes, the rhythm of things feels so awkward. I feel really disconnected from the setting because it took them until part two to even provide a general map of the country, the very first time we actually get to know the name of countries at play in these politics here. Every town and locale feels really underwhelming, so many average looking places with maybe Rush Valley standing out a little bit for being orange/dust colored instead of the usual gray rock color. Characters we meet along the way on this journey are too temporary to care about but a new one pops up every episode. New villains appear and then die a little later that day, while characters teased in the first episode and utterly randomly through the rest of part one are just no where to be seen or talked about. I’ve seen this dude sitting in a prison cell multiple times and all he does is comment on things happening elsewhere -- he got hyped a little but like, where is he now? What’s important about him? I’m sure SOMETHING is but it’s really fucky to just show him, existing, and that’s it.

The Maes Hughes death thing, man, it’s not really working tremendously here. We barely even KNEW Hughes before he died, but now like almost ten episodes later, Ed is only JUST now finding out about his death, so we’re going through this weird emotional repeat of things that already happened. It’s so dramatic and for little reason, like Mustang even skips telling Ed about it bluntly... only for another character to walk up and IMMEDIATELY reveal the truth. It’s uncanny, and it’s weird that Ed didn’t even say anything about it, like, “Why the hell did Mustang lie to me?” Is Mustang the idiot for delaying a totally worthwhile truth to tell Ed, or is Ed the idiot for just not caring about being lied to? Maybe it comes up later, but man I’m giving this show SO many maybes.

And Edward is just a TERRIBLE main character thus far. I can see his appeal being way better for people 16 and under but he’s just soooo damn immature for a character that is also portrayed as being wiser/smarter than he looks. Everything he says is so obnoxious and his voice actor (I’m watching the dub because I watch the show while doing other things) is just, ehurgh, I really don’t like his voice. It’s so “anime.”

Show can’t even be funny... The show has like less than six gags that it always relies on. Ed’s short. Al isn’t the Fullmetal Alchemist. Winry has to keep repairing Ed’s arm and she’s obsessed with automail. All other humor is legitimately just “this character’s personality betrays your expectations” i.e. Armstrong having a gentle personality, Teacher being a superstrong housewife.

And between all this is frankly a lot of uncomfortable themes/content. Exclamation point! I’m just gonna go SJW mode for a moment and point out it’s REALLY weird how fetishized amputees are in this show -- it’s one thing when it’s just Ed and his one issue, but once multiple people are in the world with amputations and their prosthetic limbs are all just treated as wicked cool, and with an emphasis on that... starts to get a little fuzzy. Then there’s really weird themes involving the non-Euro-esque characters. The Ishvalans at least are portrayed sympathetically, but now I’m being introduced to Xing and these characters represented in this group, wow, well I just think giving an overblown Chinese accent even as a one-off joke is kinda weird! Frankly just all a little weird, and maybe it’d be better if there was some better world building.

Some of the mysteries ain’t even that good. I can already crack some probably-good guesses about what’s to come based only on what’s been foreshadowed, with my biggest question being, “When do we find out that Ed and/or Al were actually alchemical experiments by their father?” It seems like the most obvious road they’d take and certain implications point to it being the case. I dunno, I’ll just be a little surprised if I’m wrong here because it seems so natural of a plot evolution with what’s been discussed.

And my last point: the fighting sucks! I mean I guess it’s usually okay but so far NO fight has had me enthralled. Choreographically, all fights are directed with SO little excitement -- it’s like they tried copying the fights from Avatar the Last Airbender but failed to capture any of the interesting parts. Ignoring how the rules of alchemy just don’t seem to make sense for how much s c i e n c e they try to include, all fights are often just characters dashing at one another with the floor/walls exploding out in really uncreative or flamboyant ways. Giant fists of stone, big pillars of stone, spikes of... stone. It’s all just the most BORING earthbender fights where characters are more often than not just trying to touch each other to cast some alchemical explosion thing. The punches and kicks don’t even feel impactful, I don’t have a feeling for how these characters express themselves in fights. And that’s probably because there’s been so few fights and they’ve all been really awkward, either interrupted by another character showing up or some character is prevented from going “full power” as a really lame way to create tension -- usually it’s because Ed’s arm isn’t working conveniently.

I feel like this is a show full of hanging carrots meant to keep you in for one more episode. There’s bound to be at least ONE character or plotline people will want to find resolution in, but to me, they’re all really bland or mishandled.

So when does FMA get good? It HAS to get good, I fucking do not believe that this is one of THE most critically acclaimed anime of ALL TIME and it just simply doesn’t get good even after almost twenty episodes in. Is there some twist I should know about that makes the show more exciting? A theme they explore that most stories don’t? Legitimately I’m willing to let people try and spoil FMA for me just to keep me interested, it’s almost a sunk-cost fallacy situation with me here because after coming this far I just HOPE I haven’t wasted all my time and that there’s some payoff... It just HAS to get good, it’s just really slow, right?

Reasons Why Ani’s Character Failed

     Season 3 of «13 reasons why» has been out for a long while, but with the 4th and final season approaching my thoughts circle back to one drawback that last season had. Now, this show is badmouthed enough as it is, and it’s not my intention here. I love «13 reasons why», that’s why I care so much about the subject. I’d also like to point out that there’s no hate towards the actress who portrayed Ani. If anything, this is directed at the writers as feedback from a fan of the show.

     The reasons why Ani’s character was brought into the story are understandable. Yes, she’s a plot device for Bryce’s storyline, and she’s the new narrator. On top of that, she’s supposed to be the audience surrogate. She’s the new girl coming into this group of kids, and just like us she tries to figure out Bryce’s murder and all the personal drama that comes along. However, this concept obviously fails (seriously, after season 3 all people could talk about was how much they hated Ani). So where did it all go wrong, exactly?

    The biggest problem with Ani’s character is by far her annoying personality. She’s nosy, spying on everyone and interfering with their lives. Surprisingly this reserved group of teenagers actually opens up to her. After everything that went on you would expect them to be more picky with who they trust. Characters don’t just confide in her, they feel obligated to justify themselves in her eyes. Like she’s some sort of angel.

Ani’s the one demanding the truth from everyone, yet she’s the one who keeps secrets. Her relationship with Bryce was meant to paint Bryce as a human being. In no way did Bryce deserve any redemption for his crimes, but it was essential to recognize him as a human, not a monster. Because once we see somebody as a monster, it becomes impossible to destroy them, they start to seem stronger than we are.

No matter how important it was to send this message, it didn’t do any favors to Ani’s character. She sleeps with Bryce knowing that he’s a rapist. She defends him in front of Clay, like a true rapist apologist. Ani with her hero complex wants to fix everyone, that’s why she’s all up in their business, that’s why she gets involved with Bryce. Unfortunately, she refuses to admit her own imperfection. She is a hypocrite. Even though at the end she acknowledges that sleeping with Bryce was the worst thing she’d ever done, it doesn’t excuse her actions.

   Introducing a new character into an existing dynamic is quite tricky. Over the seasons the audience grew to love the established characters. So when you let someone new share screen time with the beloved cast, the newbie should be captivating enough. Moreover, it is unfair for a new character to take away too much screen time from the numerous preexisting cast. It is especially irritating when this character is condescending towards the ones who’ve been there since day one and comes with no character development. That again raises the question: why would you make such a dislikable character (not presented as an antagonist) a main one?

    The significant part of Ani’s character is the narration of the season. It’s one of the reasons for introducing her character at all… But was narration even necessary in season 3?

Season 1 had Hannah’s voiceover via tapes because the plot revolved around her, we were seeing life through her eyes. She was the one telling the story. The plot couldn’t go on without it. Narration in season 2 could’ve been avoided, however that season already had a different feel to it, so the writers didn’t want to shock the audience completely by the absence of a voiceover. The narration helped to concentrate on particular parts of the story, and ramifications that the tapes left on each character. We got to see events from different perspectives, not just Clay and Hannah’s.

Nevertheless, narration in season 3 was unnecessary and poorly done. It is annoying as it is, when somebody tells the audience everything that’s going on when we can clearly see that for ourselves, but when it comes from a dislikable character it is twice as bad. Narration brings something to the story when it makes the story more interesting, when it’s revealing something new. (That’s why inner monologues actually work, when written well). On the contrary, Ani’s never-ending story, full of lies and vague pretentious phrases, is boring and distracting from the plot.

    Finally, let’s touch upon the whole – Ani being Clay’s love interest – thing. Since Hannah’s gone (and her ghost manifested by Clay as well) the main character needs another sidekick who’ll follow him around, because the audience needs Clay to communicate his feelings and theories at all times (which could be avoided, were Clay the narrator), and apparently Justin and Tony weren’t worthy enough to fit the part of his confidant.

Anyway, Clay and Ani being friends was fine, but where did this forceful romantic plotline come from? Dear writers, your main character does not always have to be in a relationship! We won’t respect Clay less just because he doesn’t get the girl. Honestly, most people will relate to him even more. Furthermore, it is important to show viewers, especially younger ones, that it is normal not to have a crush or date. The majority of teens doesn’t date in high school, and it’s frustrating to see characters always end up with somebody, like without that they can’t be complete or happy.

To be candid, Clay and Ani didn’t seem to have any chemistry. Both, their kiss and Ani telling her mom they’re dating, were unanticipated and out of place. There was no natural progression for them to be together at the end. After Clay finally sees Ani the way the viewers did all this time (ep 7), it’s difficult to find the moment where he starts to like her again or forgives her… Just because Ani comes up with the plan to save Alex from jail, it means Clay is in love with her? Clay? Angsty Clay who holds grudges and wants to take revenge on people (e.g. see season 1)? It’s hard to buy it.

    There was a theory that S3 was actually supposed to be narrated by Sheri. Unfortunately, Ajiona Alexus left the show. But could you imagine how much better would Sheri be instead of Ani. Sheri is a well developed character since season 1, who is liked by a lot of viewers. She has preexisting relationships with all the main characters, so it would be natural of them to confide in her. Not to mention her and Clay already had a thing in S1, so them ending up together in S3 would be logical and satisfying. Even if the concept of Sheri being the narrator couldn’t be brought to life, the next choice for that role would certainly be Clay aka the main character, not just a random new girl.

     Taking into account the upcoming season 4, what can there be done to repair the damage? Even though some may argue it’s the easiest decision, I doubt that Ani’s character will be just written off (no matter how much I want it). I see only two possible outcomes. Either her character gets way less screen time, or she gets outstanding character development, although I have no idea what there could be done for the audience to like her. At last, it is vital that the writers get rid of her narration.

I hope the flaws of the last season will be fixed, because I’m excited to see where the story takes us next, and I don’t want to suffer through Ani’s character to find out.

ok here’s my really long night vale meta

(I want to just start by saying that I love Welcome to Night Vale more than any other show that I’ve ever listened to or watched. I’m not sure if I would even still be here without the positive change it brought to my life and the art form it introduced me to. So although this post is critical of recent story develops, please understand that I critique with love, and that I have nothing but the highest respect for the writers and cast.)

So let’s get into it. 

This turned out way longer than I meant for it to be. 

Since the beginning, each season of Welcome to Night Vale is basically self-contained. The things brought up in them can stretch across seasons, but for the most part any conflict or Big Bad brought up will be resolved when that season ends, which typically is on June 15th. 

Let’s look at the first five seasons and their overarching in-season arcs. 

Season One: The introduction season. This season laid the groundwork for all the seasons to come and established Cecilos. The arc of the Apache Tracker was resolved within this season. 

Season Two: The Strexcorp season. This season taught us a lot about the characters, and about Desert Bluffs.

Season Three: The auction season. This is also the long-distance relationship season for Cecil and Carlos. Both plotlines are resolved beautifully by the end and relate well to each other. 

Season Four: The beagle season. Also known as “Who’s a good boy?”. The evil beagle puppy was defeated by the end of the season. I felt like this season’s arc felt very natural and was enjoyable to listen to. 

Season Five: The Huntokar season. A lot of things that have been building slowly come together. We finally meet Huntokar after hearing a lot about her throughout the show. The small arc of converging timelines is resolved, but as we will see, it later comes back.

So that’s the first five seasons. 

Now, as far as writing styles go, Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor are pretty formulaic. (This is also evident in their other shows, Alice Isn’t Dead and Within the Wires). I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. Quite the opposite - I think one of the reasons why Night Vale is so endearing to so many people is because you always know what to expect: the complete unexpected. The world is weird and it doesn’t make sense, but it’s consistent in its inconsistency. You’ll get a community calendar or sponsor, you’ll get deep thoughts about life, and you’ll get a weather. Similarly, with the seasons, you’ll get a problem introduced over the course of the season, and then it will be resolved. 

But as you can probably see from the list I’ve written out, the seasons don’t exist in a bubble from each other. The things that happen affect each other. The arrival of Strexcorp in town was what eventually drove Carlos through into the desert otherworld, which set up the conflict for season 3. The tiny city under the bowling alley in season 1 was revisited to teach us more about Huntokar in season 5. Each season has a different flavor, but they’re all ultimately the same dish, if that metaphor makes any sense. 

And this is where we get into the issues I’ve been having with the most recent three seasons. My biggest problem is simple. They just don’t have a distinct flavor like the other seasons do. They don’t have anything that stands out to me. 

Let’s take a look at seasons six and seven, and then the first episode that dropped today of season eight. 

Season Six: The guest writer season. This season was mostly written with guest writers that would do a mini-arc of two to three episodes. 

Season Seven: The Carlos’s Double/Blood Space/Lee Marvin/Thanos-Snap season. Not sure what else to call it. 

The basic premise of season six was that it would be a bunch of character-driven stories set in the world of Night Vale, most of which were written by guest writers. To me, worldbuilding and characters are more important than plot every time, so I didn’t hate this as a concept. It was just... the execution honestly wasn’t all that interesting to me. I feel like the way the characters were discussed moved their placement within the world, but it didn’t actually change anything we knew about them. Tamika’s episodes, for example, didn’t really show us anything new about her, they just showed us how she acted as a city council leader instead of a militia leader (spoiler alert: pretty much exactly the same). 

My biggest problem with season six is that it set up a lot without actually doing anything. All of the best moments from season six were things I thought we would revisit later: who will be the mayor now that Dana stepped down? What is it Carlos is still keeping from Cecil? What’s up with the shipwreck? But then all of these things were totally forgotten in season seven. It was like the writers didn’t care. That may be because they were established by different writers, but it still feels... I don’t know, *Cecil voice* Incomplete? 

Now let’s talk season seven. I think season six was definitely the weakest of all Night Vale seasons, but this was a close second (and that shows you how much I love this show, because even the weakest seasons had moments that blew me away, and I’ve relistened to most of the episodes at least once, if not more.) Season seven, like season six, just had way too much going on. For the first few months there was no plot whatsoever, just a bunch of disjointed episodes with seemingly no relation to each other. 

And don’t get me wrong - I think a lot of these episodes were amazing. Are You Sure? was thrilling, totally game-changing for podcasts. Save Dark Owl Records was a really great look at Maureen and Michelle. I’ve relistened to UFO Sightings a bunch. But there’s a difference between enjoying episodes alone and thinking they fit in a larger story. And so while I really like a lot of the episodes of season seven... they’re kind of pointless story-wise. What disappointed me the most was the Kevin mini-series near the start of the season - Kevin is one of my favorite characters, and so while I liked to see him happy, I was annoyed that they forgot about him again after the arc ended and they moved on.

That’s because season seven didn’t really have a story - it had a bunch of stories. The problem is that they weren’t introduced until near the very end. We had the Lee Marvin arc that started somewhere in the middle, and I did like that. I thought it was cool to take what seemed like a throwaway gag and turn it into a story, especially one that seemed relatable. But running this arc concurrently with the Blood Space War arc didn’t make any sense to me. There were a bunch of times that I thought the two could relate - linking time travel to being trapped in time would be pretty easy, I thought. But that never happened. 

Then the Blood Space War arc nosedived into a pit of emotion after both Cecil and Carlos were erased from history, and I was ecstatic. Not that Cecil and Carlos had been erased - but that the show was taking such a drastic emotional change. It felt like a shift in tone, but also consistent to the show’s format, hitting that perfect sweet spot. I was even more excited when I found out that the resolution to this was that Leonard Burton would have to die again. That seemed like the perfect end to his (albeit brief) character arc, and a great emotional high for the season. 

And then the next episode was just... Cecil saying everything had been fixed. 

That really disappointed me. It felt so anticlimactic, especially considering the heights some of the other season finales had reached (I’m especially thinking of the dog’s ominous barking right before the finale of Who’s A Good Boy, and the town almost being destroyed). The ending to the Blood Space War arc felt rushed to me. I liked the close of the Lee Marvin arc, but everything else seemed a little off-beat. 

I think a big problem with season six and seven is they try to take us to new things within the world of Night Vale, but they do that in a way that doesn’t actually show us anything we need to learn. Eunomia hadn’t been in any other seasons and her backstory was minimal, so her death in season seven had no real impact on me. 

So why are they doing that? I don’t know. But it seems like the writing team has made the decision to utilize Cecil more as a voice for the town than an independent character, and are trying to let other people take the spotlight. However, because Cecil is by far one of the strongest and most beloved character, and because he drove most of the story for the first few seasons, this doesn’t work as well as you might hope. 

I hoped that season eight might go back to the old format. However, the first episode was another self-contained episode (although I do love Josh Crayton), so that has me worried. 

I guess I can say, there’s a difference between a story podcast and a storytelling podcast, does that make sense? Those might overlap, but they aren’t really the same thing. While a story podcast exists to have an overarching plot, a storytelling podcast just wants to put you in a world and let you look around. What I love so much about Night Vale is that it has always been able to be both. It has a plot, but it isn’t just a plot like many other shows are - it can let you walk around, run from government satellites, and NOT enter the dog park. 

However, it seems to me that Night Vale is forgetting it does have a story, too. There are still SO many things from past arcs that haven’t been resolved yet. What’s more, the show doesn’t seem all that interested in resolving them. You can have floating cats and five-headed dragons, but you can’t give up an essential part of your show. That doesn’t mean the show can’t still be fun to listen to, if they decide the plot no longer matters. But I think it will be a little less rewarding. 

And to finish I’ll just share my biggest fear: I really really really hope Night Vale isn’t going to become normal. At the end of season seven, time started working again. I’m so scared that they’re going to slowly convert the whole town to being normal before the show ends. And I think that would really suck, because it would change what Night Vale means to a lot of people, and what the town really is. 

TL;DR: although it is one of the greatest shows ever, Welcome to Night Vale has recently started to stray from its established formulas, tropes and characters, especially in seasons six and seven. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, I feel like the way it’s been executed has weakened the recent episodes. Seasons six and seven also tried to fit too much in without actually doing anything to advance certain arcs or plot points. Nonetheless, it is a great show, and I’m optimistic about the future. 

I’d love to have a dialogue about this so if you are the one person alive who’s going to read this, please don’t hesitate to comment or send an ask! Again, I absolutely love this show, these are all just my opinions, and my ability to critique the show exists outside of my adoration for it. 

Now I should sleep. 

177. Sonic the Hedgehog #109

I Herd It Through the Pipeline

Writer: Benny Lee Pencils: Ron Lim Colors: Josh & Aimee Ray

No, that title is not a typo. We're back to terrible puns. Also, as hilarious as that cover page is, once again it's an example of a cover that wildly misrepresents what's actually going on in the issue, for whatever reason.

Sonic walks in on Rotor being sentimental about his family, and when Rotor explains that his family is once again under a mind control spell, Sonic suggests, and Sally backs him up, that they should travel to the North Tundra to use the Sword of Acorns to free his herd. And thus, Sally heads off to retrieve the sword…

Okay, there's been something weird going on with this thing for a while. This sword seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Sally, which is odd as swords aren't even supposed to be able to think. She shakes off her bemusement, and together she, Sonic, Rotor, and Bunnie head out in Rotor's submarine in search of his family. They notice an underwater oil pipeline which they begin to follow, as it's an obvious sign Eggman has been here, but Eggman notices them and sends out his "'sea'-crete weapon" to attack them - an electric eel that begins zapping the craft.

They manage to make it to shore without any further trouble, and find the pipeline has led them to an oil rig, which Rotor's herd is being forced to work on as mindless slaves. They fight off the shadow-bots guarding the site while Eggman angrily but uselessly screams at them through a video monitor, powerless to stop them, and then Sally heads off to free the herd…

…while Rotor sets some charges on the side of the rig, blowing it up. Rotor's family is thankful that he came back for them, and they invite the Freedom Fighters away for a meal, happy to once again be free.

Now, instead of a normal character file or map, we actually have Knuckles' family tree to examine!

Most of this we already know from the many, many previous issues covering the topic, but it's kind of nice to have it all laid out for us in one place in an easy-to-read family tree. This does, however, tie in to what I brought up a while back, about whether Thunderhawk is Sojourner's father or vice-versa, and how different issues say different things. In this tree's case, Thunderhawk is depicted as Sojourner's father, which is in direct contrast to how the two were introduced in KtE#29. Kind of funny how Penders couldn't keep those two characters straight for the life of him. It's also a bit peeving that most of the characters in the tree are male - Penders, for all his anti-misogyny attitude, still finds himself stuck in more old-fashioned ways of thinking, which is ultimately probably why the Brotherhood is such a boys' club and most of the women in the tree were just gentle, loving housewives who bore the next generation's Guardian. Obviously, that's not at all the way Julie-Su carries herself, but this trend did apparently make people worry back when the comics were still coming out that Kenders would, in the future, turn Julie-Su into the loving housewife as well, where she would become just The Mom to Lara-Su. I guess we'll see if that really does happen, huh?

"…The Crush!"

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: J. Axer Colors: Josh and Aimee Ray

Mina is gazing on Sonic from afar, still lost in her crush on him, and when she tries to run after him and trips on a rock, Sally shows up to catch her before she falls. To her everlasting credit, despite her obvious jealousy over Mina's supposed relationship with Sonic, Sally lets none of it show and only speaks kindly to Mina. Mina dejectedly explains how she's been trying to get Sonic's attention lately, but hasn't been very successful so far.

That has to be a relief for Sally, given her mistaken interpretation of that kiss. Mina then asks for Sally to describe Sonic to her, and though she's surprised, Sally does her best.

This is probably one of the best descriptions of not just Archie Sonic, but every Sonic, that I've ever seen. It really does sum up what defines him as a character, and why he's so well-loved by the fans as well as all the supporting cast of whatever canon he's in. Mina is pleased with Sally's breakdown, and thanks her before running off, and Sally turns away with a small smile, obviously relieved that Mina and Sonic are not in fact an item and that she still has a chance with him.

Reunification (The Conclusion)

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Dawn Best Colors: Josh & Aimee Ray

Lara-Su leaps at Remington as he fires his weapon, determined to stop him from hitting Knuckles, but then realizes that in actuality he was firing at someone else who was firing at Dimitri. Knuckles is struck as he jumps in front of Dimitri to protect him, and collapses motionless on the floor as the occupants of the room go into an uproar at the attempted assassination.

Oh, Lien-Da. Of course you would be the traitor. It's actually quite fascinating to see how after losing his powers, Dimitri has actually ended up as the more reasonable one, seeming to genuinely want to reunite his society, while Lien-Da, ever relegated to the background, to being second-best, has begun to scheme for power of her own. There's a reason I said before that she's one of my favorite villains of this series. The council suggests forming a committee to help bridge the differences between the two sects of echidna society, stating that Dimitri's ancient proposal was rejected originally due to the technology simply being ahead of its time, but that now their society might be able to move forward into a new technological renaissance. Lien-Da slips out a back door, determined to make sure her assassin doesn't talk when questioned by the police force, and Lara-Su also exits, devastated that she was unable to save her father's life. She's startled by the sudden appearance of Julie-Su, who has run up upon hearing the news of Knuckles' apparent death, and as she stops to examine the assassin being detained by Remington and his crew, Lien-Da realizes she has a shot to take out two of the thorns in her side with one blow, ordering her other hidden assassin to take the shot… and luckily, Lara-Su is standing right next to him, easily preventing the tragedy from occurring. She realizes that maybe, in going back in time, she was meant to save her mother instead of her father. However, she then begins to fade from sight to her horror, yelling that she wasn't meant to go back to the future yet. Julie-Su bursts into the council chambers in time to see Knuckles standing up completely unharmed, where he states that he deliberately took the blow to win Dimitri's trust, but that now they have to be careful, as there seems to be a traitor in their midst…

Julie-Su explains that in reality, she always told her daughter that Knuckles was dead because she wanted to shield her from the truth, which is that Knuckles actually went insane from the Chaos energy that he absorbed and now he's trying to take over the world with his revamped version of the Dark Legion. But now that she's old enough, and has seen the past for herself, Julie-Su thinks that Lara-Su is ready to help her face down her father for good, and begins packing up a duffel bag full of guns like some kind of Mobian Sarah Connor. And then they're just… off! No need to elaborate on anything else! The end!

Honestly, this entire section is very poorly explained, so I'll do my best. It seems that Lara-Su grew up in some kind of dystopia with her mother, who explained past events in a skewed manner to try to protect her daughter from the truth, until Lara-Su decided to take matters into her own hands to change the past and fix the future. Hey, sounds like a certain white fluffy hedgehog we know, huh? However, the implication seems to be that in some way, in a short while in our current timeline Knuckles will actually go insane from Chaos energy. This wouldn't be a problem, aside from obviously not wanting a major character of the comic to go crazy, except that this means that Julie-Su would basically already have to be pregnant with Lara-Su, since I doubt she and Knuckles would be trying for a baby after he went nuts. While teen pregnancies do happen, I'm not sure I like the implication that he's somehow already gotten Julie-Su pregnant, in the middle of everything else that's happened, and that now this fifteen year old is about to have a baby. To be clear - she does not in fact get pregnant at any point during the course of the preboot (not counting future versions of her who already had Lara-Su, obviously), but I'm genuinely not sure if Penders just didn't really think through the implications of what he wrote here, or if he did, and fully intended this to be implied by the circumstances depicted. I mean, we already know he has a history of writing really weird things about sexual relationships between teenagers (and we're not even done with those, either - yes, there's more to come), but I think this is one of the ones that more easily flies under the radar due to the confusing, garbled nature of this plotline.

im new to shokugeki and i dont care about spoilers, why is it bad?

a no joke answer bc u deserve this:

tl;dr Shokugeki sucks because it lost its direction halfway through the story, and when Tsukada (the author) realised that he’d bitten off more than he could chew with such a huge cast of characters.

long answer:

here’s the thing. Shokugeki started out good. 

it mostly played off the usual shounen tropes: a challenger would appear, but then they quickly joined the friendship circle, rinse and repeat. but with such a wide cast of characters with differing goals and personalities plus the high stakes of only the top 10% graduating, it made it easy to bank on the character interactions and friendships, which is what the first half of Shokugeki did, heavily so. and it worked ! 

it was a simple set up (protag aims to beat his dad in a cook off, goes to cooking school, meets friends and foes ! a tournament arc ! fun and shenanigans ! yay!), but Shokugeki did it good. it didn’t subvert any expectations, just did according to what it set out to do. nothing felt exaggerated beyond the typical manga stuff, and everything achieved was earned with hard work. with the occasional fluff and friends thrown in, it became a comfy mix for a good shounen manga.

if anything, id say that half the success came from the character’s relationships themselves - the plot wasn’t anything special, but the genuinity that the characters and their friendships and goals (shared or not) were treated with were wholesome and fun.

which is why it was so fucking jarring when it derailed by throwing aside half of its cast and completely stagnating all character development for the remaining half.

(insert infamous Central Arc expulsion joke here)

if you’ve started/are intending to start, id say its the most obvious after the Moon Banquet Festival Arc/beginning of Central Arc. the writing started getting sloppy, as did the handling of the characters. ive mentioned this before, and ill stress this again: i honestly believe that Central Arc is when Tsukada realised what a big miss steak he did in creating such a huge cast, and in the face of Shokugeki’s then success, made some poor authorial choices to keep the hype going (both plot and character wise).

for characters: half the cast was rid of via expulsion, including very competent chefs (which had no proper in canon explanation on how the fuck that happened) who happened to be fan favourites. i mean, Hayama Akira ? fuck, Nakiri Alice, anyone ? plus any poor remaining characters got shafted in lieu of Souma, hard. this became more prominent as the Arcs slowly go on, the ones of which took the worst brunt of it being Takumi and Megumi.

(what do u think is worse. your fav never getting a cameo or your fav being part of the forefront team but constantly getting fucked over because Souma didn’t get the spotlight of the chapter yet. vote now in the replies.)

for plot: higher and higher stakes were introduced that again, just didn’t make sense !! in Central Arc, Souma was expected to win against Eishi, the best chef in his entire school. when two arcs prior he just lost a cooking contest to two of his peers (placed third), and one arc prior struggled to beat Kuga in ticket sales (even then he didn’t win because his cooking was better, so. wasnt even a win on the cooking front). there was no build up ! NOT EVEN A TRAINING ARC. he just went straight from the bottom rung of the ladder to the fucking ceiling. super different from the first half of the series when everything would be shown in careful detail (best example i can think of off the top of my head being the Shokugeki against Mimasaka in the Autumn Election Arc).

also: in the midst of introducing Erina’s character arc and backstory, Tsukada seemed to completely forget (or maybe just didnt know how to link back?) that he’d already established an overarching plotline: Souma’s quest to best Jouichirou. so when Souma began overthrowing these foes that are his seniors said to be leagues ahead of him, the suspension of disbelief was stretching waaay thin. but hey ! its a shounen manga ! we can forgive this much (sarcasm). 

then Tsukada introduces Asahi. mother fucking Asahi. who is basically introduced by beating Jouichirou without breaking a sweat, but oh boy did he break the suspension of disbelief right then and there and completely toss the plot into the fucking fire. because there’s no end goal anymore ! the one thing that our main character has been working so hard for ? non existent. pointless. this no name (at that time) character has done it, pack your bags boys, let’s go home.

(might i note that at this point, Shokugeki was also uuhh nothing like the slice of life comedy it originally was. it became an action-psychological mix that just…doesnt work. and i mean. of course it wouldn’t. there was no foreshadowing, the villians can’t be taken seriously because 1) theyre also teenagers for fuck’s sake 2) Azami’s just a creep, plain and simple. he has no depth. no one cares about an antagonist who’s bad at just being bad.

the themes it began with was completely set aside for really badly written character backstories and angsty edgey bs that i still don’t understand why Tsukada thought would work in retaining hype. especially when considering how pure the premise was.

i honestly also think that its the Blue Arc + Dark Chefs Arc when Tsukada actually realised that his plot had gone haywire, since volume sales were dropping hard and fans clearly hated the direction the series had gone in. but instead of trying to reign it back in, he decided to just let it run buckwild because he just didn’t know how to fix it.)

to rub salt into the wound: so many promised resolutions are shoved into the background, done offscreen, or worse yet, forgotten ! scenes that fans have literally been waiting for. Souma VS Erina Shokugeki. Souma VS Takumi Shokugeki. Nakiri Alice coming back to the series and actually fucking cooking again.

(im sure that there’s more that lead to its downfall but like. shrugs. this is mainly to me why it sucks: it had A Lot going for it (im not ashamed to admit that at one point i actually genuinely believed it could be one of the next Big 3 on Shounen Jump), and it just didnt live up to any of it for no other reason other than Tsukada mixing elements of a story that didn’t work well together, tried to force them to work, and did nothing to fix it when it didn’t.)

so our plot is gone. so are our lovable characters. so is the slice of life comedy that drew most people in in the first place. the potential that it had is now dust. what does Shokugeki have left that makes it unique, that makes people love it ? here’s the answer !

nothing. 

that fact kicks you in the teeth every fucking time you remember how good the first half of the series was. 

then that fact dropkicks you when you realise that Shokugeki no Soma literally started on a 90degree drop into a dumpster fire when the series was at the apex of its popularity and plot buildup.

that’s why it sucks.

This one’s just important character growth points, in chronological order! 1. Character Introduction This is the first time we meet Sesshoumaru, and very early on! This first moment scene up his character immediately - ruthless, powerful, merciless, and completely lacking compassion. It is the foundation for how he will act for the rest of the series. 2. Fight With Inuyasha His first battle with Inuyasha. This is important for so many reasons - it really rams home what makes this character unique. Thus far, all of the villains have been after the Shikon Jewel. But Sesshoumaru expresses 0 interest in it, and is there for other reasons. He knows Inuyasha personally, and it gives insight into Inuyasha’s character and background as well. Moreover, it does a lot to showcase Sesshoumaru’s overall power - it sets up that among the many demons the characters face throughout the series, Sesshoumaru is undoubtedly the most powerful one. 3. Attempts to Take Tetsusaiga and Meeting Rin After the first fight with Inuyasha(that Sesshoumaru loses, mostly because of his own arrogance), he is permanently maimed, having lost his left arm. He spends much of the series obsessing over stealing Tetsusaiga, the demon sword, from Inuyasha. It is in this episode, in which he meets Rin, that he finally gives up after many failed attempts. He is defeated in combat and severely wounded, whereupon he meets the little orphan girl who will change his life - he becomes her primary caregiver in his first display of compassion ever. It is a major turning point in his character arc. It is this episode that we are introduced to Tenseiga, the demon sword that Sesshoumaru has had this entire time but for some reason never used in battle. The reason? It can’t kill. This sword is unique in that it saves lives, and is unable to do harm. 4. Toukijin Toukijin is the massively evil sword that Sesshoumaru commissions upon giving up on taking Tetsusaiga from Inuyasha. It is an incredibly powerful weapon that possesses everyone who picks it up(including its swordsmith) - and Sesshoumaru subdues it immediately upon touching it. It’s still an extension of his obsession with Tetsusaiga, though - he may have given up on acquiring the sword, but he doesn’t stop being resentful of it for a long time. Toukijin was forged from the fangs of an ogre that bit Tetsusaiga in half. 5. Kagura Big time jump, I know. Tenseiga remains important this entire time. Its powers have been slowly revealed up to this point. Kagura is the second person Sesshoumaru shows any compassion towards, and in this episode she finally kicks the bucket. Sesshoumaru is shown mourning her, in his own silent straight-faced way. In this same episode, Toukijin breaks. This is the catalyst for the next series of events - the spark of rage and sorrow that Sesshoumaru felt for Kagura was felt by Tenseiga, and Tenseiga(a semi-sentient object) alerted its swordsmith to Sesshoumaru’s change of heart. Thus Totosai(the swordsmith) approached Sesshoumaru to reforge Tenseiga into a weapon. Sesshoumaru vows to use the new Tenseiga to avenge Kagura. 6. Compassion Sesshoumaru is exceedingly arrogant and prideful. This has not changed. With Tenseiga’s new killing abilities and its still intact healing abilities, he feels he is pretty much unstoppable. This bites him in the ass when Rin is killed, and he finds he is unable to resurrect her - Tenseiga can, previously unbeknownst to him, only resurrect a person once. And Rin had already ben revived by the sword once before. In this episode Sesshoumaru learns that he must treat the lives around him as precious, be compassionate, and realize that he is not indestructible. 7. Shishinki Fuck. Shishinki was an enemy of Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha’s father. He attacks Sesshoumaru in an act of vengeance and reveals that Tenseiga is merely a cast-off piece of Tetsusaiga! This pisses Sesshoumaru off, and is part of the plotline that eventually leads to Sesshoumaru completely relinquishing his obsession with Tetsusaiga(while retaining great resentment for his father) and Tenseiga being returned to its previous state as a tool for healing, not a weapon. 8. Magatsuhi Magatsuhi is the physical manifestation of the evil will of the Shikon Jewel, ie he is extremely powerful and evil. His power proves to rival Sesshoumaru’s, and Sesshoumaru is now weaponless without Tenseiga’s offensive capabilities. He struggles in the fight with Magatsuhi, and almost dies. But! He prevails, and gets a new arm and sword! His new sword, Bakusaiga, is incredibly powerful. He also learns in this episode that Magatsuhi has one(1) weakness - Tenseiga. Tenseiga can kill beings “not of this world.” Magatsuhi doesn’t have a physical body - he’s a spirit. Sesshoumaru is the only one who is capable of stopping Magatsuhi. He is finally freed from all the dumb Tetsusaiga bullshit. 9. Inuyasha Sesshoumaru is now shown to care for and have compassion for his brother. Having hated Inuyasha his entire life, Sesshoumaru now has to fight him again - without wanting to. Inuyasha is being possessed by Magatsuhi, who attacks Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru, who could have easily killed Inuyasha to get to Magatsuhi, instead chooses to fight Inuyasha with Tenseiga - a weapon that is incapable of harming Inuyasha. This makes it infinitely more difficult for Sesshoumaru to kill Magatsuhi, who he really hates for their first encounter. He goes through the trouble to not instakill his brother and do everything he can to kill Magatsuhi without hurting Inuyasha, endangering his own life in the process. 10. Victory Sesshoumaru finally kills Magatsuhi, ending his pain-in-the-ass sword arc and removing the last major hurdle to killing the Big Bad, Naraku. All this time, Sesshoumaru has hated Naraku intensely for constantly bothering him and trying to kill Rin. Naraku is on everyone’s shitlist I s2g. Anyway, Kagome - Inuyasha’s gf - is the only one capable of destroying the Shikon Jewel, which Naraku now possess. Magatsuhi was sealing Kagome’s power. With Magatsuhi dead, Kagome can now fight again. She is integral for killing Naraku. Sesshoumaru moves on to engage in the final battle with Naraku. And he is defeated! Wahoo!

My Relationship with Teen Wolf

“It’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

I discovered the show when it was roughly a three months wait until season 3 would start.

I binge-watched all there was - the first two seasons. And then I, right away, watched it again because it was that good. And then I literally watched it for a third time in a row.

I just completely fell in love with it. Sterek fast became my OTP, I loved the fandom because it was a warm, beautiful place filled with the most amazing headcanons.

I even liked the canon straight couples. Jackson and Lydia were just so beautifully perfect. And Scott and Allison were probably the best example of “soulmates” - because literally nothing else would ever justify the shit they went through for each other.

Even the smaller roles like Danny and the Sheriff and the Coach were just so cool.

I loved it. I loved everything about it. And I was so ready for season 3.

I mean, Derek had Boyd, Erica and Isaac now. Jackson was now finally a wolf and could join the pack. The pack was growning.

Everything went downhill starting with season 3. Now, season 3 in itself wasn’t bad, but it was definitely the start of “bad”.

Writing Jackson, Erica and Boyd out just like that was displeasing at first - it became a bigger issue the more the show went on.

What is the key-element of why season 3 started to be bad however is the True Alpha crap they came up with.

Part of what I enjoyed about the show was the fact that Scott was just this average teen wolf, a little bumbling and awkward but with a good heart. He didn’t have to be the leader. I expect an Alpha to be a leader, a fatherly figure, someone older. Not an awkward newbie wolf who literally learned how to control his wolfiness from a human boy.

That they had to force not just “Scott is main character. Scott needs to be Alpha”, but also “Oh shit, we made it so you gotta kill to become Alpha but Scott is main character, so Scott can’t kill. Hurry up, writers, invent a creative way for him to still become Alpha”.

It’s a load of horse-crap is what it is.

The show would have worked so much better if they had cut that crap. Kept Derek around - as the Alpha - and allowed Scott to slowly learn what it even means to be a werewolf and to then, through character development, become Derek’s second-in-command.

Now. They wrote all those characters out of the show, but they started establishing the twins as potential new pack-mates. And okay. They slowly started to become... interesting characters, the more we learned about them.

And then they were written out of the show too. And that was when it became a real problem with this show.

They want a pack. But they keep writing any character who has the potential of becoming pack out ASAP.

The whole... Isaac/Allison romance, I am still wondering where they pulled that from. Like? She literally tried to kill you an literally all your friends before and she’s basically the big love of your new Alpha? What is wrong with you, Isaac? Do you need therapy? Oh, right, you do. Yeah.

Setting it up that Danny knew all along what was going on just to write him out too.

Killing off Allison. Writing Isaac out of the show.

Basically. We had the “Alpha”, his human best friend, a banshee, a kitsune and a coyote. In a fucking show called Teen Wolf. I mean. Yeah, they kept true to the name and stuck with only ONE Teen Wolf. Because who wants to see an actual pack in a show about werewolves? Oh. Right. Everyone.

Season 4 was just bad. It was lame, it was weird and it had zero pay-off when Peter was suddenly the bad guy again. I had been a hundred percent sure that Gerard was behind this and that this was the reason they kept him alive.

Gerard, other reason for why it became bad. How did no one make sure to kill him? And then, when it’s revealed that he’s alive and basically dying slowly which is cruel, no one finishes him off either. You can not argue the “The good guys don’t kill” thing because keeping him alive while he is slowly dying from the black goo is so much worse than just a mercy-kill. And if you’re setting your good guys up to be cruel assholes who torture their enemies like that... you don’t get to play the “He has True Alpha potential because he’s such a goodie-two-shoes” card. And I am terrified to see what he does in season 6.

Kira was a cool addition, mainly. She... didn’t really get much personality development beyond the point of Scott’s New Love-Interest, but the mere concept of her was cool.

I dislike Malia and will always hate how they shoehorned her in. “Hey, look! Another living Hale! And it’s Peter’s daughter! Wow!”. That she spent basically a decade in the forest as a wild animal but they just pretend that it’s possible to re-introduce her not just into society but high school - whereas she is completely lacking all middle school and half of elementary school education, honestly, can she even read and write? Because she shouldn’t be able to. Even if she learned that ten years ago, she’d have forgotten simply by growing up as a wild animal in the forest. Granted, her behavior is at the very least well-written and animalistic, but that just makes me question the weirdness of Stiles going “Oh, she’s basically a wild animal. Let’s start dating”. Right. Away. If they had taken the time to, you know, re-introduce her to society properly and learn things and her and Stiles falling for each other along the way, okay sure. But this “We just met. Let’s have sex in the basement of the asylum” thing was so weird and so forced.

Season 5 might just be one of the - if not THE - worst thing I’ve ever witnessed on television. If something has that crappy level of quality, I normally turn it off and stop watching.

But the masochistic part of me kept whispering how much I loved season 1 and 2 and that 3 wasn’t so bad and, sure, since season 3 it’s been declining, but they did so well in the first two seasons, maybe they’ll turn it around again.

They did not turn it around.

Season 5 was just... really, really, really awful.

The over-loaded plotlines that kept getting entangled.

The fucking awful new characters. Like. Liam was always and will always be only Scott 2.0, a very, very cheap rip-off of their own main character - and who even does that? But in season 5, he was just awful. That he threw his temper-tantrums and turned his back on Scott and was just generally a pain in the ass.

Allison 2.0 was even worse though. I legit do not bother remembering the name of Liam’s girlfriend, because she is so flat and... unlikeable. Her only reason for being in this was to create the tension between Scott and Liam.

And Liam’s best friend made them feel like “Oh boy, we cut out the jock and his lovable gay best friend. Let’s replace Jackson and Danny with those two!”. Honestly, they really gave up trying to come up with individual, interesting characters.

And casting showed that too. At least Liam’s best friend is black. But literally everyone else they cast after season 3 was two things - white and brunette. This show started out with such an individual, diverse cast - black male Boyd, blonde female Erica, blonde male Isaac, redheaded female Lydia, polynesian male Danny. And now they basically just cast dark-haired whites and the guys even all look the same. This Theo-guy and that... other... wolf... guy... thing... I honestly don’t remember but the guy who had something with Liam’s best friend, they basically looked the same to me.

The decline in character development and design, as well as the decline in story-telling was only topped off by the dreadfulness.

This show used to be bright. And funny.

As in: It took place during the day too. There used to be colors. In season 5, in many episodes, I could barely tell what was going on because it mainly took place during the night and in total darkness.

And I didn’t laugh once in season 5. Absolutely nothing was funny. It didn’t help that comic relief guy Stiles got kicked in the balls by the writers when they decided they also needed tension between Scott and Stiles.

No, fuck you, you don’t.

The friendship between Scott and Stiles has been the backbone of this show since the very first scene of the first episode. And now you decide that Scott should be stupid, shallow and trustful enough to trust Theo instead of Stiles? Really? That... That’s so OoC. Those are your characters, don’t write them OoC.

The fact that Derek and Peter too became characters who just... disappeared for long periods of time was just ridiculous too. It’s like this show is deliberately trying to sabotage itself and to remove good characters.

Lydia, Stiles and Scott are essentially the only characters left from the... bigger ones. Derek, Peter, Isaac, Boyd, Erica, Jackson, Allison, Aiden, Ethan, Kira, Danny.

Instead we get to keep Malia around who, sure, ist still the best of those new additions. Liam. Liam’s girlfriend. Liam’s best friend. Fucking Theo gets to stay?

And Parrish, who... honestly just gives me the creeps because the dude is old enough to have been to war and to now work at a police station as a deputy, which I really hope for the sake of the safety of the people does require some years of training before you get handed a gun and a badge too, but thinks it’s in any way or shape appropriate to date a high school student? Like, sure, it may be legal but that doesn’t mean you have to do that. Especially not if you’re a police deputy. And I don’t care if that sounds like a hypocrite thing to say because I ship Sterek and that might be the same age-difference. I ship Sterek in fanfiction and fanarts. If fans go ahead and ship Lydia and Parrish sure, cool. Everything goes in the fandom. Not everything should go in canon, because there should be some kind of... moral... behind decisions made. Do not romantize adults dating teens.

So. Yeah.

If they hadn’t announced that season 6 is the final season, I would have turned my back after how bad season 5 was. But... cue in the voice in my head that’s still whispering how much I loved season 1 and 2. And this is the grand finale. It’ll be over after this. Just 20 more episodes, I can watch that. And then it’ll be finally over and they can’t ruin it any more.

The grand finale airs in four days. So I’ll be rewatching the first five seasons now and then I will start watching the final season. I’m terrified of it.

And am I the only one who felt like many decisions made were just made to snuff out Sterek? I mean. Stiles who didn’t have any romantic plotline before, all of a sudden having sex with basically a random stranger in a basement and Derek literally fucking the enemy while he’s half-bleeding to death, but let’s just hurry up and make sure they have female love interests...?

The Last Jedi: BTan Review (Spoilers)

Here it is: I decided to write everything out because I obviously have too many feelings to process lol #allthefeels. A movie that has already proven to be a fairly polarizing 2nd (or 9th, if we're really counting) entry into the Star Wars metaverse deserves some cathartic play-by-play analysis. After all, that's more than half the fun (and point) of being a SW fan, is it not? Obvious disclaimer for SPOILERS, and I only saw the movie once - Thursday premiere night. Without further ado... here I go. *deep Lamaze breaths.

Comparison: Empire.

Let's be honest: with an ominous title and precedent-breaking RED Star Wars logo, it was inevitable that this second entry in this trilogy would illicit endless comparison to it's predecessor - namely, Empire, the 2nd SW movie ever in the OG trilogy, which has a darker tone and is widely regarded as the "Best" SW movie ever by fans - arguably, I might add. (IMO, A New Hope is the best SW movie of all time. BUT I DIGRESS) Considering how much TFA was designed after A New Hope, for better or for worse, it would be no surprise that The Last Jedi would mirror, borrow, or dare I say steal from Empire: major elements, settings, plot lines, et al. Fans and I alike were simultaneously loathed and relieved to find that this was both true and... not true, in this case.

Let's break it down via Empire lines:

Hoth: Empire/Rebel stand-off with low-rising ships and AT-AT fighters in a cold-climate planet with snow and winter-y creatures? Check. (this time at the end, not the beginning! what a twist.)

Yoda/Luke on Dabogah: Mentor/mentee jedi "training" period that transports a main character away from central Rebel action for the majority of the movie? Check.

"I am your father": Said main character is only to return for a climatic confrontation on an Empire ship with the main villain and discover parentage? Check.

Rebel characters engage in a cat-&-mouse run from a Empire ship that tracks them (A la Boba Fett & the Worm monster in the Asteroid fields)? Check.

Reunion-Hopeful end scene: With some medical care, hand holding, smiling, and small sliver of hope left just by still being together despite all the odds? Check.

Puppet-Yoda. period.

Thankfully, nobody's hand was severed or body was carbon-frozen. (Let's not get all Starkiller Base on us again.) Elements were certainly borrowed, but I don't think it was a hammer over the head in the same way that TFA was to A New Hope. A lot of the reviews are citing how "different" and "surprising" the plot twists and storyline went, and I will give Rian Johnson credit there. This was certainly not a carbon copy of Empire because, while borrowing fairly obvious major elements - Yoda/Luke and Luke/Rey being the most - it does its own thing with them....that doesn't always work out for the best, however.

1. Dagobah vs the Island (Ach-To, or whatever.)I think a lot of us expected (and were ready for) some head-on Yoda training of Rey. Give us a training montage. Knock her to her feet, do handstands, and make her lift that X-fighter from under the ocean (Did anyone catch that down there!?). OK - we don't need the whole she-bang, but give us something. I get that Luke is in no way the same master or teacher as Yoda, and he was going through this whole crotchety old-man complex and didn't actually want to train her. But when he and the movie actually got around to it... what even happened, really? We were treated to, frankly, weird and beautiful but unexplained cinematographic sequences (life! death! balance? and a dark seaweed-y dark tunnel?... ultimately leading to fun with mirrors? so many Reys, so few parents). My issue with them is this whole "training" period - which is a significant if not major crux of the whole movie - is that she's not really trained at all. Luke is basically like, "You're scary, Rey. ...OK, I'll watch you swing around my light saber." Like, what? I feel like the trailer gave the same level of impact of Rey's whole training on that damned island. She goes there, she gets trained eventually, and then she's a stronger Jedi - excuse me, er, "Force User." The movie really dragged its feet with this, and not in a satisfying way to me.

In Empire, you were on Dagobah forever but were enraptured by Luke's fear, frustration, and mystery over the force and his training (not to mention the charm of puppet-Yoda, bless him). Here, I couldn't wait to get off the island. I feel like I was stuck on LOST. Nothing was happening, the main mystery was "What Did Luke REALLY DO to Ben?", Rey talked to Kylo Ren a lot, Rey and Luke stalked each other... and - perhaps most insulting of all - our entertainment/comedic relief was pulled out of admittedly cute but pretty ridiculous creatures. More on all the creatures below, but for now: I'm anti-porg (hated all the random noise placements), and pro-caretakers - cute and funny. BUT - do you see what I mean? How was this adding to anything? We were charmed and entertained by Yoda and Luke all on their own as characters - their dynamic, struggles, values taught, etc. Here, it was like... welcome to the Island! We're, here... on the island. There are cute things and some mysteries. Train yourself Rey and leave as you like. See what I mean? Similar to Empire, but... not really, or at all, a better or improved version just by being different from it.

The saving graces are Daisy and Mark Hamill, who deliver strong and captivating performances as expected. Sadly, it's the writing and script here that fail them. Point is: this is a major/the plot point of this movie, Rey's training and answers as a Force User. Sure- what's happening with the Resistance is important, but the mythology and magic of this SW story is getting built with Rey. While necessary to bring her to the island with Luke, I just think our time there was a bit wasted. Too much "lemme follow Luke" ... "lemme follow Rey"... "oh look, another Porg!" *holds head in hands.

2. Rebels vs The ResistanceMeanwhile - because this movie, as SW movies are apt to do, requires a lot of Meanwhiles - the Resistance is stuck. They're out of fuel, tracked by the Empire after a mission, and getting clipped down. ...totally sounds familiar, right? In Empire, they run and hide - but get caught. They had the benefit of a budding romance with Han & Leia, and chemistry between them all - Chewie included. Here: they try to run, but are stuck. My issue is what they do to make it different this time, instead of Astroid Fields and a Cloud City: I guess they went with "A Codebreaker" and "Political Mutiny."

I have to admit: it must be really challenging to figure out to do with the Rebel/Resistance story arc. I'm sure when they sat down to write this script, they thought "OK: while Rey is off being important, what can we give the Resistance to do and make it fun, compelling, and just as consequential?" -Sadly, I think they really struggled here. It becomes the major middle of the movie, which just drags. Here was their solution: Introduce 3 new characters; go on adventures; solve the problem, and combine the plotlines. go.

First, as I'll discuss below with the Crowded Cast, the new characters (with the exception of Kelly Marie Tran) don't really amount to any new, exciting chemistry. It's less of a family, and more of a clusterf*ck to figure out what to do next... and then some.

Second: The Go on Adventures part was, simply put, random. Finn and Rose's romp to the casino land was a great plug/opportunity for a Mos Eisley Cantina - feel, not to mention pretty incredible wardrobe and set design. I felt mesmerized watching that first long shot of the casino: over the top, significant attention to detail, and fabulous. I do like the backstory we get on the planet's riches from sales to the Empire. Still, those are the highlights, but its all... random. and very quick. I don't want something to just "be a highlight" - it should have some purpose and add to the story. Otherwise, we're in prequel territory (Naboo is beautiful! ...so what?) The rest: "Find the Codebreaker" mission, randomly given by Maz - just seemed silly, and they didn't even manage to make contact with mustached Justin Thoreaux - settling for Benicio Del Toro in jail. Again, all random, and all just kinda like... ok, *shrug*, I'll just go with this? I know that's the spirit of SW - being a ragtag crew that just "figures it out" as you go. Here, however, they give a lot of twists and turns that your head is in a tailspin. They're in the casino, then in jail, but now they're riding creatures, but they got caught, but DJ saved them, but then he sold them out...? You're left feeling like, Wow. what was the point of that at all.

Meanwhile... Mutiny is afoot! Admiral Holdo vs Poe for control. Like I'm saying, it's all just like... so what? They're stuck in space and they need a solution, so Poe waits on one while Holdo pursues another one. It really feels like a placeholder, one that I think they just didn't need to develop all that much- yet, develop they did. They threw in so many twists into this plotline that felt unnecessary: we're abandoning ship?! oh - there's a planet down there? wait - leia's awake? no, wait - they're shooting us all down?... it felt like a waste of time. Sure, show them in struggle against the Empire, but let's move on. (Here, I'd like to note this movie is 2 hours and 30 minutes. that's LOTR territory, yall - not in the good way. Like, yikes.)

To summarize the Empire talk, I think they borrowed many checkpoint facts but didn't change them in truly effective ways. Let's be honest: the Empire framework is one we were all thinking about going into this. Below are more reasons why I think this movie's approach was successful... or not.

Crowded Cast.

Any true fan will tell you why the OG trilogy is the best: chemistry. Carrie, Mark, and Harrison had on-screen spark that continues to last 40 years later. All they had was droids and a walking carpet in Chewbacca as successful, impactful sidekicks (...forgetting the Ewoks, mind you.) We didn't need more. Even when Lando shows up, it's not a big deal - because it feels natural.

Characters aren't just being thrown in and added just for the sake of more characters. (If they are, it's for some plot point or twist that really pushes things along. Lando case in point: Empire needed a double-agent to get Han carbon-frozen & bring Luke out of Dagobah to encounter Vader, get hand cut off, hang from a Cloud City antenna, etc.)

I really thought in TFA, we were building to just that kind of "family" power. In our trio this time around, I think it was a solid effort at re-emulating what once was - The jokes and "banter" in TFA was believable, and you liked them as a crew. A family.

Unfortunately, this is less like a family of a cast than ever before; It's more meta, like: Here's this conflict in space that obviously involves hundreds of characters. Let's give each of them a little spotlight. There really is just too, too much going on character-wise. I'm just going to go at this bullet style with all the ancillary characters, because I have all of the complaints.

General Hux: admirable attempt to emulate Tarkin, but given way too much screen-time as if he actually matters. I think he's funny in the "evil" role - but that encapsulates my problem with it entirely. you should not be funny, or "evil" with g-d quotes around it. (Also, he's Bill Weasley. Like, just train your dragons.)

Snoke: NO. Why? Where's his story? Who is he? WHAT is he? He's just an <insert here> CGI bad guy from nowhere? What - were those scars that looked just like Anakin's head scars just to F*** with SW fan theories?!  There are plenty of bad guys in the SW universe that have Force powers and came out of nowhere. Like, who is Count Dooku, even. But I'm even fine with Dooku. This is like decades after the Emperor has fallen, and now "Snoke" rules the world... we def need a little more than just a gold f***ing kimono.

Captain Phasma: Fail. What an absolute waste. She could've been a cool, deep, fun character. Give her way more screentime over Hux. Instead, we get two lousy fights and a shot of Brienne's eye... like, *applause for your death?

Emo Kylo Ren. Sorry, reviewers: this is NOT a spectacular show of acting. This is bratty, brooding boy turned young man all wrong. I get it, I know -- this shows how darkness is complex and conflicting and not one side of the coin, I get that. Despite that, he still comes off as an impish child. Like, King Joffrey status. (Does that change anyone's mind?!) I don't care that he has great hair and "broods" well. Snoke's dialogue with him is the only thing I like about the two of them: "Take that stupid mask off your face." "You're nothing but a child." Very, true. That's the character. I shouldn't be able to make fun of the darkest evil and now supreme leader in that way. (...then again... Trump.)

Overall, I have been incredibly disappointed with the dark side in this new trilogy. Not menacing, threatening, or even "dark" at all. Throwaway characters. The fact that it can basically be made a joke - Emo Kylo Ren on SNL; Hux's ridiculous flailing and fails - is telling. Now, the light side:

Admiral Holdo: more like Who, doe? Laura Dern is an incredible actor, and she was very underutilized here. Very few lines of dialogue to sink her teeth into, and the whole Mutiny situation all passed by in what felt like an inconsequential flash. I feel like her inclusion was not necessary at all. It felt very Battlestar Galactica-y: commander of a rival ship comes, creates political conflict. She's also completely out of place with that hair and wardrobe... I get you commanded another ship, but aint nobody else on the Resistance looking like that. She looked more suited to the casino.

DJ. again, who? Benicio Del Toro, another fantastic actor, underutilized in a way that demonstrates he prob shouldn't have been used at all. His stuttering was pretty insulting and not charming like I guess they thought it would be. I'm guessing he has some double-agent turn to play in episode 9 (I guess as the Lando addition), but he certainly didn't add any value to this cast or story whatsoever.

Maz Katana: Well, that was funny, but random. Another wasted resource in Lupita Nyongo.

Rose. saving grace of the movie! Anyone knows I'm the first to shout about inclusive representation in entertainment; giving an Asian-American nerd such a highlighted role was fantastic. and not just b/c shes an Asian-American Nerd; just because she was fantastic in it. She's also 28, so she's just like me. That's empowering and awesome to see. Totally emulated the Rey, Finn, Poe trio dynamic-chemistry we got in TFA. Sadly, she's the only one we really got it from, other than:

Finn and Poe. sorry, they go in together because they really didn't give me much this time around. A lot of snappy dialogue and jokes that mostly landed. I'm disappointed, because I was ready to see that TFA chemistry continue and build. It mostly just remained stagnant, which isn't development to me. Also, I guess they're supposed to be main characters, but why didn't it feel that way? In TFA, they had an excuse - this was all just starting, and they had star power in Harrison, Daisy and Adam Driver to share screen time with. Now, I really feel like I needed them to step up as movers in this story - the same way Han was. Sadly, script and writing spread their power potential across far too many others.

Basically: it's crowded. It's like double the cast with half the punch. It's part of why I criticized Rogue One: ensemble cast that seems thrown together, just for the sake of being together. I think Laura Dern and Benicio Del Toro, hands down, just should not have been added. I'm hoping they can revitalize the familial feel we got in TFA in episode IX; I think we will, now that we got that reunion scene and JJ will be back.

Separately, the OGs:

Leia. the movie did an incredible job bidding her adieu. Luke's reunion with her sends chills down my spine. "No one's ever really gone." She's reportedly not in IX at all, so I'm sure they'll have her pass peacefully.

Luke. By contrast, I think his death was anti-climatic.

Puppet-Yoda: was skeptical on his re-appearance, but leave it to Frank Oz to put you back at total Yoda-zen ease. His lines on failure particularly hit home for me, and it def maintains the heart of SW here: the empathy and hope, in the face of loss and despair, really is what matters.

Is this still Star Wars?

One of the more shocking allegations by angry twitterverse is that this movie "RUINED" SW, and that this "isn't a SW movie at all." Especially saying this is worse than Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones! Can it be? I ultimately have to disagree. There are light sabers, the Force, Luke and Leia, spaceship battles, and droids. Also, it splits characters/storylines up in stupid ways on "adventures" that all eventually pull together and make sense (we guess). it's DEF still SW.

I do see their point, however. SW is a space battle/family drama, but you can't help but feel it's pull into different territories on this one. For one, I mentioned the Crowded Cast issue. My most immediate comparison on this one is Battlestar Galactica: stellar ensemble cast & chemistry, with very similar cat-&-mouse chases from the bad guys in space. Sadly, I just don't think SW is built for this kind of meta-character building. That's my main critique for this feeling less "SW".

Second: The chemistry. The humor, comedic relief, and jokes. I mean, where are we going with these? I'm mostly okay with a lot of the "easier" funny moments, because there are a lot of those in the OG trilogy; all it took was one Chewie growl to get us going. I'm glad they didn't do away with them completely - this is still mass entertainment after all. However, I do think they simply went overboard on this one. Ex: The milked BB-8's abilities way too far; is he really capable of taking out multiple humans? It felt a little like Guardians of the Galaxy but with a lot less natural comedic punch. Again, I credit that to chemistry and the crowded cast: there wasn't a lot of opportunity to build much on what was created in TFA. We got it out of Rose, Poe and Finn in limited doses; not much else. Otherwise, we were given a lot of Porgs. Please, let Jar Jar and Ewoks be a lesson of late.

The Last Jedi is totally a SW movie; however, it does admittedly feel different. I would say it feels stretched. Strained. A little frenetic & confused. It does all find itself by the end, but rather than all that being "Ah, The Plan All Along," it feels more like... "Oh, thank god they got there."

Action Sequences

One way it is totally SW, however, and I'm glad they did this justice: epic light saber battles. This struck a golden, perfect balance between the aerobatic, choreographed prequel fights to the more raw, emboldened OG trilogy fights that focus on face and grit. The climax fight is one to behold and is going down in the pantheon as one of the best, likely a top 5. Snoke's chamber and that red backlight is fantastic - ominous, bloody. A little shocked by how good those guards were; where the hell did they get trained? I'm sure we'll get more Kylo vs Rey in episode IX. Rey, thank god, has stepped up her game - treating it like an actual sword instead of a heavy hammer to drag. (But do you see what I mean about there being too much going on this entire movie? I totally forgot that Kylo Ren even had a crossguard lightsaber. like, completely.)

The space sequences are, as predicted, breathtaking and exciting. Wouldn't expect less. In the middle "we're out of fuel!" part of the movie, it does just feel like being stuck on a chess set piece; that's claustrophobic, but not really in the captivating way here. Not like Gravity. More like... I got tired of playing chess and left the board overnight & forgot it was there for a week. and i dont care.

Cringe-worthy.

There were truly a lot, like a lot, of cringes here. These are undeniable, in fact, and simply cannot be done away with. The movie lives with them forever. *sucks teeth*

Floating Leia. NOOOOO. (please send me every meme ever). This is obviously a very polarizing decision. Personally, I think they should've cut that entire segment and left it on the cutting room floor. Kylo Ren doesn't need to get close to shooting her; she doesn't need to be asleep; hell, there didn't need to be a Laura Dern or any Mutiny, imo. She could've hit her head in an explosion and been in a brief coma, if ANYTHING. Idk. It was a lot. Esp considering Carrie has passed, it felt... super, really, uncomfortably weird. Therefore, I will rewind that scene x100 times. (It's up there with "Anakin, you're breaking my heart! You're going down a path in which I cannot follow!" also, I cannot believe they killed Admiral Ackbar with such little grace as that. Offended.)

Blue Milk. What might be a charming easter egg to some was really just a funny-disturbing, horrifically-cringey moment. Luke Skywalker on his knees, sucking down milk from the Tittie-Testicles of a bantha creature in its crotch, spilling it onto his scraggly beard. humiliating. this is not the master jedi I'm looking for. I want to unsee that immediately.

Mirror, mirror. maybe some people thought it was cool. maybe its deep, insightful, or artistic in some way idc to know about. I just dont care. It was giving me Mirror of Erised vibes from Harry Potter, which felt stupid and went totally unexplained. *snap, snap!

Emo-Bitch Moaning: on behalf of Hux and Emo Kylo himself. So many lines, I can't even dredge up from memory just yet, they're that painful. Greatest hit: Kylo bitching "YOU SHOULD BE!" or something equally bitch-worthy to ghost-Luke during their fight. groan.

Benicio Del Toro's stuttering: painful and offensive. of no value.

Rose's "kiss" of Finn. Ouch.

-Creatures

There were, simply, a lot of creatures this time around. Here's some reactions to the greatest hits:

Porgs: I'm decidedly anti-Porg. I wish Chewie ate that roasted one in front of their crying faces. I also can't believe they started burrowing into the Falcon; the disrespect! Please swat them off the drawing board for episode IX, JJ. Unlike Ewoks and even Jar Jar, they added absolutely nothing to the story. Keep it purposeful, not random, please.

Caretakers: cute and hilarious. random.

Canto Bight riding creatures: They look like Voldemort. Actually a cross-breed of Dobby/house elves and Voldemort. Disturbing. (also, why all this Harry Potter crossover!?) random.

Ice Foxes: Cute, pretty, again very random and barely added anything of value.

One can't help but see the commercial angle in throwing the kitchen sink in with these creatures: they're automatic money machines to cash in on Christmas plush toys, not to mention drawings, books/resources to develop in on their stories/backgrounds, etc. Creatures are also a hallmark of SW. Again, though, you can't help but feel like it was a bit overdone here. I hardly remember any creatures from TFA, other than the octopus. (See? That was a fun adventure - and we met Han that way.)

Cliffhangers/Theories

It just seems hard to believe, however, that Rey and Kylo aren't TWINS to Han and Leia. How could they be otherwise connected so strongly and randomly? Just one fight in the snowy woods, and they've got psycho-powers to each other? I guess it could just be a coincidence of their Force powers. High midichlorian count, holla.

I'm still banking on the Kenobi theory myself: why else bring Ewan and Alec Guiness's voices from the grave for her TFA dream? Help us Rey Kenobi - you really are our only hope.

Conclusion

If you read this far, you need to get a life - much like myself. Ultimately, my word on The Last Jedi is: B. OK. Idk! I think there was a lot riding on this movie: It was going to determine how a huge leg of this new trilogy was going to continue and be as an identity, really. TFA did a beautiful job building the legwork, and Last Jedi was both a surprise and let down in many ways. You can't snuff the highlights that made it shine: Canto Bight's casino, the light saber duels, Daisy and Mark, and Kelly Marie Tran. It just needed a lot of editing, which it clearly didn't get enough of at it's running time. The Cringes shoot down at this film significantly.

Most importantly to me: Part of what makes SW fantastic isn't exploding ships and sword fights; plenty of movies have just that. What makes us fans is the draw of their mythology, continuing/evolving story, and feeling like we're on-board with the "Family" of characters we love the whole way through. It's why I love many installments of Final Fantasy, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, and GOT: it's character-based, character development that gets breathtaking. I think Last Jedi may have lost the heart of that, by nature of feeling random, sloppy, and going too long without going much of anywhere. I'm certainly glad to be off the island and out of that awful Chess-like impasse between their spaceships. Moments with Yoda and Luke separately were strong and kept the heart of SW. Still, there were just a lot of choices... too many polarizing choices. the kind you can't come back from, and that really get the movie off the swing of things.

I will obviously be re-watching and contemplating for weeks to come. Ah, to be a SW fan! Feels good. (and a little sad, but good all the same).

CanvasWatches: Stranger Things

I am super late to the Stranger Things… thing, and it took the premier of the second season and an unexpected stretch of free time to finally sit down and watch it. Even then, it took me a couple extra weeks.

I’ve been a critic of Netflix’s binge-focused release format. Not because I don’t enjoy a good binge watch from time to time, but because I like the freedom to choose when I take a break. When bingeing a show formatted for segmented release, each episode tends to be written in such a way as to let the audience comfortably wait a week, either because the narrative is one and done, or by carefully pacing the series to allow it to hold up with a time gap between episodes.

Also, everyone was raving about Stranger Things, which induced some hype poisoning, and I was born after the 80s died, so I don’t really have any nostalgia for the era. Besides Back to the Future and Ghostbusters, I never really watched much 80s media.

Plus everyone was so excited by how the show featured D&D. There are very few D&D-centered episodes that I like, as such depictions always fall short of my expectations.[1]

Besides one groan worthy aspect in season 2[2], I was actually pleasantly surprised by how the show handled the subject: by making it a casual part of the kids’ lives. Season One opens with a game, and closes with a game, and it’s sometimes used to color dialogue, but it’s never in focus, which is good. Hobbies should color characters, not define them.

The actual plot of season 1 was well written, and uses the only plausible excuse for characters not telling each other vital information: by segmenting the plot between three groups that have no reason to interact until the plot threads run together.

Sure, Chief Hopper maybe should’ve been keeping Joyce appraised a little more often, but he was also busy, so I can give that a pass.

Oddly, beside Eleven, I didn’t actually care about the Kids’ plotline. They’re well cast, don’t get me wrong, but the argument over what to do once El enters their lives just runs in circles until the other two plotlines convene, and I just wasn’t particularly invested in them.

And the teens are likewise dull until Nancy and Jon start proactively hunting the eldritch horror. And even then, it’s plagued by gross High School Romance drama. I don’t care who Nancy starts dating, I want to know what’s up with the supernatural weirdness and the effects that has on people.

Which, of course, leaves Hopper and Joyce to be the ones to pull me through. Also Eleven’s flashbacks. You know, the parts showcasing and developing the things that are strange.

The first season is, mercifully, a rare example of a well-executed secrets plot. The mystery’s set off by Will’s disappearance, a strong inciting incident that gets three different casts going down three different plotlines until convening at the end.

Because of the nature of who the characters are and the methods they use to accomplish their goals, they’re kept separate not because of tedious secrets kept to ‘protect’ others, but because they just don’t have any reason to interact.

Hopper and Joyce’s efforts to find Will lead to the Government Conspiracy, and they are unaware of Eleven’s existence for most of it. Eleven is (rightfully) afraid of the Energy Research place, and doesn’t trust adults because of it, making it reasonable the kids wouldn’t know. The teens (once they get past the dumb romance drama) are trying to find Barb, who no one else cares is missing.

The moment the three groups learn they’ve been pursuing different sides of the same puzzle, they work together and share information without fuss. Then they split again when their goals lead in different directions. Hopper and Joyce don’t want to put the kids in danger when they go to confront the big bad; the kids continue to protect Eleven; the teens seek revenge on the demogorgon.

And all three contribute to the resolution.

Then the second season opens, and Hopper, who I loved for being a reasonable protagonist, betrays my trust. Eleven’s hurting being separated from her friends and her friends are hurting not knowing her fate.

A problem easily solved if Hopper just told Mike “Hey, Eleven’s with me, she’s safe, but I’m keeping her out of the public eye. I’ll try to arrange some visits, but they can’t be frequent. Here’s a morse code info card, and a frequency. Don’t keep each other up too late, and don’t tell anyone who hasn’t already met her.”

There, Eleven’s got some social stimulation, no one’s pining, and everyone knows where things stand.

They all worked together for season one’s finale. Hopper’s actions are inexcusable.

Hopper went from my favorite character to one of the most annoying.

As a whole, the first season felt much more tightly written than the second. The first balanced the eldritch horror and psychic powers sufficiently well.

The second advanced and built upon the Upside Down in exciting ways, including a giant central intelligence to the whole place. Confirmation that, instead of just a decaying world to mirror our own, the entire place is a single malevolent entity, represented by an enormous, alien being. I love what is being done with the Upside Down.

Then there’s ‘The Lost Sister’. Which is… the episode literally doesn’t fit. Eleven leaves, seeking her mother. Okay, good development. This leads to some new exposition of what Eleven’s young life was like. That’s good! Slowly exploring that works for the show! Introducing another test subject in the form of ‘8’. Logical, since Eleven is, well, number Eleven.

Elle/Jane goes looking for this mystery girl. That’s where the show goes off the rails. Not that Eleven searching for others like her isn’t a fair plotline, but it literally takes the show away from Hawkins and all the endearing characters we’ve met.

It’s a filler episode, and it turns Eleven from ‘Oddity with connection to the Eldritch’ to ‘Blossoming superhero’ which… Stranger Things wasn’t a superhero show. It’s a mystery and thriller. It’s an episode so divorced from the other eight episodes, you can literally skip it and lose nothing.

Kali’s gang has no redeeming features. They’re criminals and murderers, plain and simple. Elle finds them, establishes a connection with Kali, and then it’s just a ‘Good Character is lead down a dark path before leaving’ plot. It adds nothing.

And Kali has a different power set from Eleven, deepening the Superhero aspect where each mutant has a different power. If, instead, Kali had the same (but weaker) Psionic powers I might take her inclusion better.

But, worse still, none of it has anything to do with the rest of the plot, even when it would’ve been easy to integrate, though that probably would require more time.

Kali’s gang, as mentioned, are bad people. Send them rocking into Hawkins in search of a place to lie low while the heat dies off, maybe induct Billy Hargrove… maybe they could find a space.

Actually, no, nevermind. They’d still be a distraction. It’s a series that works on the strength of it’s dynamic characters. Suddenly hamfisting in Kali and company would strain that.

In fact, I’m not sure searching out numbers 1 through 10 (maybe 12) will ever work, because that would imply a road trip season, which would suck because we’d see less Hawkins in favor of Scooby-Doo’ing up the series.

So keep the fates of the previous ten test subjects a mystery. They were experiments that failed. And considering how much hullabaloo Eleven’s escape caused in the first season, Eight getting away without any remark until now is ridiculous.

It… just doesn’t work. It’s too Kyle XY.

So, let’s take some metaphorical scissors, snip after episode 206, and before 208, remove the middle episode, and drop it out a window. It’s gone, hopefully never to return to hurt us.

Keeping Eleven separated from the rest of the cast for most of the season is the greatest sin of the second season.

Having strong characterization can only go so far if you limit who characters interact with. Segmenting the cast by age groups in the first season was fine as we were meeting the characters, so we need to learn about them in their preferred environment and when normality is interrupted. They come together at the end and cooperate to save the day, an experience shared by all. Mike and Nancy even have a heart-to-heart about how they won’t keep secrets from another. Real touching stuff.

For the second season, besides needing to flesh out the now present Will, we know the cast. So the fun should come from now intermingling the cast. Have Nancy consult Mike about getting hashtag Justice for Barb; Jonathan and Steve becoming romantic mentors to Lucas and Dustin;[3] Hopper becoming an unwilling paternal figure to the party; and show Eleven adjusting to the Real World.

Instead, Eleven only interacts with Hopper all season, and, yes, Daddy Hopper is adorable, though he should maybe try and remember he’s caring for a socially stunted psychic before he starts yelling. Maybe have him start yelling, Eleven gets mad, one bookshelf falls over, both stop to look at this reaction, then Hopper runs both of them through the deep breathing exercise from the end of Season One before talking it through.

Eleven and Hopper’s arc should’ve been about learning to trust in a scary world, instead of… whatever they were going for. And giving her limited interaction with her friends would’ve allowed for this growth, as the party would first have to coax her out of the cottage, and then she’d have firmer ground to question Hopper keeping her cooped up.

And I so love fish out of water stories. Learning what money is and asking Hopper for an allowance? Stumbling about and learning not to assault people who offend her?[4] Being the first kid to form a bond with Bob? All would’ve been nice to watch happen.

Also, Bob was… okay. He didn’t leave much of an impression on me for a generically nice man. They should’ve worked the ‘Bob founded the AV Club’ thing in way sooner, so it wasn’t an awkward line shoved in after his death to retcon in stakes for The Party. It was awkward.

Also, no one else wearing costumes is the least realistic thing. After my 13 years of public school, I know that would never happen.

It’s not all bad, let’s be clear. Upping the threat of the Upside Down and giving it a central intelligence was good, as was expanding on the Demogorgon lifecycle to bring in a nice Alien touch. The tunnels made the threat feel more immediate, and explained the pockets of Upside Down that broke out in season 1. Max is… promising. Hopefully she’ll get more of a concrete arc going forward, but she’s got a good start.

So, in summation, I liked Season 1, and 2 was as enjoyable with a few missteps that hopefully won’t be forced back in. My one fear is that they’re going to put the Mind Flayer on the back burner and spend the next season on the less interesting ‘Other Test Subjects’ plotline. We’re heading towards the end of the Superhero Media boom, while I can’t think of many properties that focus on themes of eldritch and inhuman intelligences that the Mind Flayer and Upside Down presents.

Still, when Stranger Things 3 arrives, I’ll watch as eagerly as anyone else.

If you enjoyed this review, may I suggest to trawl through my archive to see if you enjoy my other works? (The CanvasReviews tag should give you a good start). Also, feel free to send me messages and question. I also have a Patreon, if that’s your sort of thing.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Yes, even Community’s much beloved take. There was no passion in it and it was weighed down by the ‘One Character for all games’ and ‘Dice results dictate everything’ concepts that makes zero sense. [2] How can you forget about Rogues, you idiots? It’s literally the best class! [3] I will go on record: if you sit me through a tired love triangle, but follow it up by having two corners advise on a new love triangle, I will be on board for that absurdity. [4] For context, my ideal ending of the the show is the town just transitions into casually accepting that, sometimes, eldritch horrors pop up, and just deal with them casually.

FoZ Notes 7

Aaand we’re back.

--------------------

Louise says a bunch of stuff about glorious honorable deaths. Saito thinks she doesn't mean it. She claims that no, she doesn't really mean it, but "it has to be this way" because they're at war and anyway she's more bothered by Saito being depressed. So she's still more comfortable with death than a lot of people. The narrator goes on to confirm that okay yes she feels bad for the dead but not THAT bad because yes they did at least die with honor.

"Hugging a familiar isn't done due to status difference". Horseshit.

Oh wait those guys aren't dead. Pretty blatant that Cromwell revived them. Magic checks are done just in case Albion is laying a trap, but apparently Void Andvari zombies don't register to such checks? [Future note: We never ever get a proper explanation of what happened here. I think the intent is that Tiffania found them, nursed them back to health somehow, and then neuralized them, which makes no sense as Tiffania could not possibly have addressed the injuries these jackasses suffered, but FoZ is not exactly the height of consistency or logic so I suspect this nonsensical explanation really is the intent]

Oh my god the zombies think Saito is strange for mourning them I love these guys.

Aaaaand now we're contradicting the idea that dragon riders are people with dragon familiars. And asserting that they're all Wind affinity and flying familiars are normal for that.

Introduced to Julio Cesar, a Romalian priest with eyes of two colors who makes moves on Louise. Unprecedentedly good dragon rider, supposedly no magic. [Future note: My vibe from the word go was “way too Mary Sue”. Initially I thought he would be a temporary character and thus was tolerant of his presence. Nope. And he gets far, far worse]

Tristain intends to give Germania some of Albion's territory once they win, and intends to find someone of royal blood to reinstate the Albionese monarchy. The former seems... impractical. [Future note: Once this war is over, Albion’s situation drops off the face of the planet. The fact that Albion ought to resent being split down the middle like this, the tendency for real countries to resent leadership installed by outsiders, and all the other problems with this situation? Irrelevant! Ugh]

Romalia is helping against Albion because Reconquistador's agenda basically threatens the legitimacy of the Pope's authority.

The illusion spell can be used for scouting utility. [Reader note: In the sense that Louise can reconstruct what she remembers looking at to provide a high level of detailed information to people more quickly than words would provide]

Albion is defending at least Saxe-Gothe with orcs, trolls, "demi-humans". One line in Baka-Tsuki's translation calls orcs demons, so possibly the demons to the east are just monsters. [Future note: No]

Cromwell is perfectly happy to take food from Saxe-Gotha's citizens to deny the invaders food, on the expectation they will end up feeding the citizens instead. He intends to blame the non-human forces, is fine with losing the city to revolt, and also intends to poison the water supply with Void magic somehow.

Cromwell can mass-revive the dead with his ring. He stole the ring from the Water Spirits with the help of Sheffield and Gallian "mage knights". Also, Cromwell has no magic himself. [See?]

We get introduced to Wind Stones properly, at last. [Reader note: We heard about them in regard to airships before, but “they exist” and “they are relevant to flight” was the extent of our information] The Ring of Andvari is a Water magic artifact, not a Void magic one. Something about concentrated magic like this being Void's enemy. [Future note: Wait, what? Ugh, another thing that never gets properly explained or brought up again] Ominous foreshadowing that the Ring of Andvari does more than just raise the dead. Also, it's used up a little bit with each casting.

Still not clear what non-Wind dragons have over Wind Dragons. I thought it was fire breath, but nope. [Reader note: That is, Wind Dragons can breathe fire, too]

Implication that Gandalfr power comes from feelings aimed at the master.

"Medal of White Hair Soul". What the fuck? [Reader note: A medal being awarded to people for valor in combat et al. I really hope Baka-Tsuki is badly botching the translation here]

Louise being jealous of Guiche because he's getting praised for his accomplishments by family.

Detailed images of Brimir are considered disrespectful... oh, and nobody really knows what he looked like anyway.

Founder's Festival AKA Not Christmas, in which even war gets put on hold. It's a new year festival. 10 days long. [Future note: We never hear about this ever again, even though it’s a major event and the story goes on for years]

No wine in Albion. Just beer and tea. Where do they get the tea from?...

Siesta is related to Scarron. Goddammit. Jessica -Scarron's daughter- is also of Japanese descent, apparently from her mother. (So a daughter of Siesta's grandfather)Straight black hair is rare in Halkeginia.

Claim from Louise, backed by the narrator, that Henrietta's goal is revenge for Wales' death.

Louise being about Honor And Duty again. Don't insult honor around her. "No honor->not a noble->not me" Says she would gladly die for her country if it was called for.

The rings are clear for Wind, blue for Water, brown for Earth. Supposedly made from Brimir's blood. All called rubies. Gallia has Earth. Supposedly Romalia had Fire, but they lost it, purportedly because of Tristain. [Future note: We eventually discover Colbert has the Fire one. We also eventually discover that Romalia has another one because, yes, there’s actually 4]

Julio Cesar isn't jerkface's real name. He calls himself it after a great Romalian leader, Totally Not Julius Caesar. [Future note: The author seems to forget this, as we never find out what his real name is or anything] Julio is an orphan.

Gallia has the highest population in Halkeginia. Capitol is named Lutece. Palace is called Versailles. Has a big garden. Royal family's blue hair is super-unusual, making everyone at the Academy a Moron. [Reader note: Well, actually, it makes the author a moron, but in-universe you have to assume the Academy students are all idiots, as they genuinely had no idea, even while guessing she must be a bastard because she wouldn’t talk about her history!] Current Gallian king is shit at magic, named Joseph. [Future note: This is a semi-decent foreshadowing that he’s a Void user] Chess lover. Lover of miniatures in general. Is either out of touch with reality or pretending very effectively. [Future note: This out-of-touch aspect of his character goes away fairly soon, replaced by Some Men Just Want To See The World Burn. No, it’s not character development, nor is he throwing off pretensions of craziness. He just changes for no reason]

ANOTHER goddamn Ring of Andvari in the mountains of Saxe-Gotha. [Reader note: No explanation of how Sheffield knew it was there. No, we never get one. No, it doesn’t make sense in context of later information. This is literally the plot happening because fuck you the author said so] And hints Sheffield is a Void user. [Future note: Close, past me! She’s a familiar to a Void user] She does some kind of mass mind control by melting this Ring into the water supply. [Future note: This is never properly explained, on any level]

An idiot covering his retreat by sacrificing Louise. Ugh. The retreat is caused by the bullshit mass mind control.

Julio knows Saito is Gandalfr somehow. [Future note: This actually does make sense, kind of, eventually]

Gandalfr is a load of anime horseshit. [Reader note: In the ‘I swing so fast nobody saw the sword move’ and ‘I can jump superhigh and run superfast and so on’ school of anime horseshit. Saito is operating well beyond plausible peak human potential]

Derflinger has some vague upper limit on his ability to absorb magic. With absorbed magical power he can take control of his master because shut up. [Future note: Say it with me, children. This never crops up again]

Haha Gallia fucks over Albion instead, unceremoniously killing Cromwell.

Infodump:

"The left hand of God is Gandálfr, the ferocious shield of the lord. His left hand wields a large sword and his right hand wields a long spear, protecting me with endless vigilance. The right hand of God is Vindalfr, the kind-hearted flute of the lord. He dominates all beasts of life, leading me through earth, sky, and water. The mind of God is Myoznitnirn, the book that carries the crystallization of thought. It carries all knowledge and provides advice whenever I am in need. There is one more person, but remembering its name gives me trouble… Taking the four disciples, I came to this land"

[Reader note: The above is something Tiffania sings. It’s foreshadowing, I guess. I quoted it mostly because it gives of three out of four familiar personal names. And now that I think about it -writing this having completed volume 18- the story still hasn’t gotten to that fourth one]

Tiffania is introduced. Some kind of half-elf who takes care of orphans and Deus Ex Machinas Saito because shut up. [Reader note: Again, she has no extranormal capacity for medical care. Saito is good as new in fairly short order in the following volume, having gotten pretty badly injured here. The author just employs The Power Of Ambiguity And Off-Screen Happenings to let you think this makes sense even though it most certainly does not]

End volume 7.

---------- 

In which the author seems to grow bored of this Albion plotline and summarily end it. Oh and Saito ends up separated from Louise, with her led to believe he’s dead.

[Future note: This is not the first time Saito and Louise end up separated. It keeps happening, artificially and nonsensically, and is very much repeating a plot of having Saito and/or Louise conclude that, for some reason, they should be separated, and then concluding that no! They will be together Forever because Love! You know, until the next time the author wants to have relationship drama between the two of them, because quite clearly he has no idea how actual relationships actually work

I’m not exaggerating for comedic effect here. The author does not understand human relationships. This would be a niggling annoyance if the story remained focused on its ‘epic’ plotline, but increasingly Saito and Louise’s relationship is made central to the plot, among other relationships increasingly brought to the fore, so this utter failure is something you can’t just ignore while you enjoy the meat of the story. It’s already been causing problems, and it’s going to get truly awful from hereon]

So it’s time to get back to the funnybooks. After two weeks of talking movies, I’ve got a nice little backlog piling up, including the conclusion of Heroes in Crisis, the beginning of the end for Ed Piskor’s X-Men: Grand Design, and new issues of Stray Bullets and Criminal. But first, the comic I enjoyed most from the last two weeks…

The Green Lantern 8 by Grant Morrison and Liam Sharp

Y’know, just about any issue of this book is likely to be filled with ridiculous fun. But this one… Holy crap.

From the cover alone, you know you’re in for a wild ride. This issue is an homage to the classic Denny O’Neil / Neal Adams run of Green Lantern / Green Arrow, complete with Liam Sharp doing his best Adams impersonation throughout. But once you start reading the actual story, you swiftly realize it’s WAY crazier than that.

First, we’re introduced to Hadea Maxima, a (possibly other-dimensional?) hell-planet inhabited by a race of space demons for whom murder is not a crime, but an accepted cultural norm. One of the leaders (I guess?) of this place is a demon space-mobster named Lord Brotorr (!), who’s very very angry that rival demon space-mobster Glorigold DeGrand (!) is cutting in on his profits with a new drug that’s connected in some way to Earth. So Brotorr orders the murder of not just his rival, but also of THE ENTIRE PLANET.

Cut to Earth, where Green Arrow’s dealing with a deadly new street drug that leaves its users in a blank, zombie-like state. Green Lantern shows up to help, and we’re off to the races. Before it’s all done (without getting into too many spoilers), we’ve had twists, turns, psychedelic trips, drug dealers in pointy black hoods, and what may be only the second-ever appearance of Jack Kirby’s Xeen Arrow (the Green Arrow of Dimension Zero, which is of course an other-dimensional world inhabited by telepathic super-giants).

It is complete insanity, a frothy mixture of Silver Age goofiness and 2000 AD attitude that somehow manages to maintain the heroes’ dramatic dignity while still playing things for laughs. It’s a tightrope walk of an approach, and it’s not easy to pull off. Too far one way, and it all gets too cute for its own good. Too far the other way, and you’ve got the idiocy of a Rob Liefeld comic. But when you hit that sweet spot in the middle, you’ve got a potential classic.

And though it’s not perfect… Though sometimes Morrison’s scripts lean so far into dream logic that they don’t quite make sense even as comedy… I’m leaning toward this being a classic.

Immortal Hulk 18 by Al Ewing and Joe Bennett

Another classic in the making is Al Ewing and Joe Bennett’s Immortal Hulk. This one’s been gathering quite a buzz, picking up readers as it goes along, to the point that the early issues (which had low-expectation print runs) are now going for a pretty penny on the collector’s market. I’m sure the prices will eventually level out, but it’s nice to see a comic going for big bucks on the basis of actual reader demand, instead of the usual “it’s worth this because we say it is” reasons for that sort of thing.

The buzz it’s getting is deserved, too. Al Ewing’s horror take on the character has been quite a bit of fun. It dragged a bit during the Hell storyline a few issues back, but otherwise this has been great stuff. Joe Fixit (aka the gray Hulk) recently reappeared, and this issue we discover that he’s been in control of Banner’s body for quite some time. It’s not entirely clear how long, or what he’s been up to, but he’s definitely had time to amass a little money. And grow a mustache.

As the story moves on, we also get a crazy new version of the Abomination WHO HAS A FIST FOR A FACE.

So, yeah. This one’s a lot of fun, too. Not as good. But a lot of fun.

X-Men: Grand Design: X-Tinction 1 by Ed Piskor

My favorite X-Men book since Grant Morrison left in a huff has begun its final chapter here. If you’re not familiar, Grand Design is Ed Piskor’s attempt to cover the history of the X-Men as if it was all one long story that was planned out from the beginning. The first volume covered the original series, and the second covered the first 100 issues or so of Chris Claremont’s long run.

This time around, he’s really got his work cut out for him, because he’s covering what might be the absolute nadir of the Claremont run: the Trial of Magneto through Inferno. This was the period when I started losing interest in the book, and finally stopped reading it entirely. These stories left a bad taste in my mouth that’s still lingering 30 years later, and I found that I didn’t enjoy revisiting them any more than I enjoyed reading them the first time through.

Piskor does his best with them, though, condensing and conflating events in a way that streamlines some of Claremont’s more over-extended plotlines, and completely skips the more forgettable stories in favor of the stuff that continued to have repercussions down the line. His one misstep in that regard, I think, is the short shrift he gives to the Trial of Magneto, which I’ve always though of as the real climax of the first half of Claremont’s run. But I suppose that ultimately had more of an impact on the New Mutants book than it did X-Men proper, so maybe he was right to only mention it in passing. This is really Storm’s issue, and he rightly focuses things on her character arc (which might be the one really interesting thing from this period of the book).

Still. Holy crap. The latter two-thirds of this issue is concerned entirely with demons and Mr. Sinister. And just when you think you’re done with the demons, MORE demons show up. It’s interminable. And there’s only so much even Ed Piskor can do to save it.

Still, though, I have high hopes for the next issue. Because I have no idea whatsoever where X-Men goes next, and I can only think it would have to be better…

Ed Piskor’s Grade for Trying Hard:

Chris Claremont’s Grade for Writing Such Execrable Source Material:

Heroes in Crisis 9 by Tom King and Clay Mann

On the one hand, it’s comforting that this book died the way it lived: telling a story that I liked in some very important ways, but hated in others.

On the other hand… DAMMIT, Tom King! Why do you have to be so good and so bad at the same time?!

I don’t care enough to go into great detail on what I liked and didn’t like in this final issue. So I’ll just hit the highlights. On the down side, King engaged in some time travel shenanigans to change the solution we already saw to his locked-room mystery, and that feels like a cheat.

But on the up side, that cheat gives us an ending that’s messy but life-affirming, rather than neat but tragic. And that ending, unsatisfying as it is from a narrative perspective, feels very real. Because life is often messy and unsatisfying. “Nothing ever ends,” as Alan Moore once told us. But this ending also fits the book better than the neat ending would have. Because the ending we got (Wally West lives) offers a chance at healing and a hope for redemption. Which is what Heroes in Crisis has been about from the outset.

So I suppose I shouldn’t complain.

But I do.

Because, dammit.

Stray Bullets: Sunshine and Roses 41 by David Lapham

With the Lodger side project over, David Lapham gets back to his (or maybe my) first love, Stray Bullets. And, holy crap, things are really getting out of control.

click to embiggen

It would take far more time than I have tonight to explain the vast web of plots that are coming together here. So suffice it to say that the entire huge ensemble cast, which Lapham has spent the last 40 issues meticulously establishing, is finally converging, and I have no idea how any of them are going to survive.

Except that I know most of them do.

Because this entire series essentially takes place between issues seven and eight of the original Stray Bullets series, published more than 20 years ago. And I know what happens afterwards. In most cases, that would take some of the… excitement, I suppose… out of seeing how it’s all going to end. But not here, really. Lapham’s done a sufficiently good job putting this story together that, even though I know that Beth, Orson, Nina, Spanish Scott, and so many other characters will be surviving this bloodbath, I want to know how they’re gonna do it. And then there’s a handful of other characters who seem conspicuously absent from future events, and I’m dreadfully worried about all of them.

Or, if not worried, per se, at least really curious.

Because honestly… Annie probably deserves whatever she’s got coming. Unless, of course, Lapham finds a way to make her fate even worse than I can imagine. He’s good at that…

Criminal 5 by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips

This fifth issue begins what Ed Brubaker has said will probably be the longest Criminal story arc to date. Which is a little weird for a series that he’s also said would feature more short pieces. But Brubaker’s a criminal at heart, as we’ve already learned, so you kind of have to take his proclamations about this book with a grain of salt.

Anyway. This new arc’s called “Cruel Summer.” It’s set in the summer of 1988, and it involves a private detective being hired to find a woman, but getting in a little too deep. Pretty standard noir premise there, and though the story’s well-told, I won’t tell you that Brubaker and Phillips really offer that much in the way of new twists on it. Where things get interesting is at the end, when Our Hero gets whacked on the head with a wrench by none other than Teeg Lawless.

That’s the same Teeg Lawless around whom every story in this current volume of Criminal has in some way revolved. Or if not revolved, INvolved. Even if it’s only in a spectral, influential sort of way. And next issue, we’re told, is all about Teeg. And, I would presume, this mysterious woman we meet this time around.

Which is just a really long-winded way of telling you that this story’s much like all the others in this series: clever, well-constructed, and more complicated than it looks on the surface.

A Walk Through Hell 10 by Garth Ennis and Goran Sudzuka

Garth Ennis’ searing look at the horrors of the Trump era continues, with an issue that calls into question the value of empathy when you’re dealing with people who have none themselves. It is not a cheerful or especially pleasant read. But it is a compelling one. It questions liberal values even as it presents the rich and powerful in a very ugly light. While it’s clear who the biggest monsters are, it doesn’t let anybody off the hook. Which is horribly unfair, but there’s also a grain of truth in it. Maybe more than a grain. Maybe. Probably. Maybe.

It’s into that opening of doubt that Ennis shoves his pry bar, and starts applying pressure. And that’s where the real horror comes from. This is a story about evil men taking advantage of people’s doubts. But they have those doubts for a reason, and sometimes that’s enough to break them.

And that is Hell.

Or at least, that’s my reading of the book at this point. I withhold the right to change my mind in light of future evidence.

And on that cheery note, it is time to bid you adieu.

Xeens and Things: FUNNYBOOKSINREVIEWAREGO!! So it's time to get back to the funnybooks. After two weeks of talking movies, I've got a nice little backlog piling up, including the conclusion of Heroes in Crisis, the beginning of the end for Ed Piskor's X-Men: Grand Design, and new issues of Stray Bullets and Criminal.